#also ax lives in the woods and has like ten dollars

[c-rowlesdraws]

tried to distract myself from the approaching emotional devastation of the Morph Club podcast pre-finale and sketched some more AU stuff yesterday...

What’s an undercover alien spy to do when one of her so-called “allies” refuses to meet with her on principle? Bribe him, of course. Fortunately, one thing that Aftran and Ax can agree on is that Earth food is excellent. If only he just wasn’t so embarrassing to take out in public....

[cecilspeaks]

152 - The Great Golden Hand

Here it comes. Here it comes! The Great Golden Hand! Hurrah, rejoice! It nears, it nears!

Welcome to Night Vale.

Wonderful news, residents. City officials report that within the next few hours, we should expect the arrival of the Great Golden Hand. This will mark the first visit from the Great Golden Hand in nearly 80 years. Older residents and those who up until recently did not age will remember the last visit fondly. Those were the days, when the air felt crisper somehow, as though growing older does not cause a degradation of self, but rather a degradation of everything outside of self. We project our own decline upon the world and complain that everything was righter and better at the time that we coincidentally were at our physical and mental peak.

But I digress. Because everything was better during the Great Golden Hand, that’s just objective. We will update you on the Hand as it approaches. But in the meantime, make sure that you are stocked up on a supply of clean water, adequate canned goods for five to eight years, and copious amounts of human hair for the offering. If you do not have hair, please make sure to stop by the hair bank this morning to pick up hair generously donated by your neighbors, for those who crave human hair by the fistful.

But first, today’s forecast. Rain later, or no rain. Or sun, or snow, or none of those things. There will be some light clouds along the horizon, or it will be clear and you will stand out on a lawn gone prickly with the conservation of water. And you will see that you can see all the way across the world, even though you know that you can only see about three miles to to curvature of the Earth, but it’s metaphorical, this distance, and with the clarity of the sky, it will seem much further than that. Or there will be clouds, so none of that will happen and you will l only sit in your kitchen, eating leftovers and not thinking even a little about everything you’ve never done and you will never get to do. Or you won’t wake up today. There will come a day where you don’t, you know, and then none of this will matter. And the sky will be a perfect blue and you won’t see it. Or it will rain. Or no rain. Or sun. Or snow. Or none of those things. All of that later today, or tomorrow, or never. This has been today’s forecast.

We continue to track the Great Golden Hand, as it takes over much of the western horizon. Larry Leroy out on the edge town reported that flowers have begun growing and dying in bursts all morning. Cycles of life that passes quickly as air through his lungs. “These plants are speeding up,” he said, or else we are slowing down. Maybe thousands of years have passed and the only ones that know are the flowers.” [laughs] Larry, what a joker!

City government tells us we have nothing to fear from the Great Golden Hand, although city government is in a bit of disarray, as of course we do not have a mayor, and city council has announced that they forgot it was their sister’s wedding this weekend in Tulsa, and they need to leave town immediately. So city government currently consists of Claire Scott at the hall of public records. Claire is a woman-shaped apparition that haunts the dark hallways of the building and is responsible for at least ten deaths. It’s not an ideal situation leaving her in charge, but at least someone is there, as the Great Golden Hand draws ever closer.

Let’s take a quick look at the headlines. Controversy has erupted over a new McDonald’s commercial, as many say that the victims offered on the altar weren’t properly consecrated. Lenny Butler, who has no official (–) [0:05:47] on religion or ceremony, but who considers himself something of a sacrifice aficionado and self-taught expert, dismissed the commercial as, quote, “more hack co-opting by corporate culture.” He shook his head in disbelief as he showed reporters a copy of the commercial. “Look at this, he said. “Does that axe look like it has been buried for 100 days in a graveyard? I bet some underpaid PA bought that axe at an Ace Hardware the day of the shoot. And look at how the subsequent bone and blood slurry is just kind of spilling everywhere! There’s no thought at all to proper aesthetic flow to the sacrifice!” Lenny concluded. Executives at national McDonald’s headquarters expressed horror and disbelief when asked about the commercial, saying they had nothing to do with this and why are we making them watch this traumatizing footage. “Why?” the executives repeated over and over, in smaller and smaller voices. “Why?” Well, that’s it for the headlines.

And now traffic. There is a crack in the wall. There is a twinge in your heart. There is someone coming, but don’t worry, there is also someone going. There is a lamp in an alcove in a house on a mountain. There is a hand that reaches out and turns on the lamp. There is an eye that squints thru the dim light, trying to see what isn’t there. There is a name. Yes, there is a name, but we will never know what it is. There is a dusty foot scooting along rough wood. There is a tree outside, and it moans through the fierce wind off the peaks. There is a small flower in a pot and it is three days from dying. There is a lamp in an alcove in a house on a mountain and a hand that reaches out and turns it off. There is a car on a road to the mountain. There is a mind dreaming that this time, the reunion will go differently. There is a hand on a steering wheel and it trembles. There is a foot upon a gas pedal, and it wants to ease up, to turn around, to accelerate toward anything but a house on a mountain. There is an eyelash upon an eyelid, upon an eye, upon a skull, upon a lifetime of doubt. There is a tree across part of the road, and maybe that could be an excuse, but no. The hand upon the wheel turns, and finds the narrow way thru, and continues on, toward the house on a mountain. There is a crack in the wall. There is a twinge in your heart. There is someone coming. But don’t worry, there is also someone going. This has been traffic.

I’m being told by a multitude of disembodied mouths, that appeared in my office and began worbling in a singsongy chant, that the Great Golden Hand is only minutes away from covering the entire area. If you have not already sought shelter, now would be the time to regret screwing up so badly on such an important day. Remember to not look directly at the Great Golden Hand. The Great Golden Hand should not be mixed with alcohol or other medications without advice from your doctor. Unfortunately, the Great Golden Hand has taken all the doctors. Also all life insurance adjusters and all dog walkers. If you notice sparks, that is part of the process. If you feel a fission, that is also part of the process. If you see the color green, that is not part of the process and you should panic. The process will protect us. The Great Golden Hand will protect us. Long live the Hand.

Meanwhile, just a brief notice before we are overtaken by the Hand. It seesm that, oh this is interesting, that the family of Frank Chen has filed a missing persons report with the sheriff’s secret police. Now, you might remember that Frank Chen’s dead body was found several years ago, covered in claw marks and burns, and we all assumed he was dead. But then he was seen around town driving his pickup truck, and now he looked like a five-headed dragon. Sure, he looks completely different, but the dragon had a New Jersey driver’s license that indicated that he indeed was Frank Chen. And so that was the day it was proven to us that the dead can come back to life looking completely different. Anyway, the Chen family says that Frank was driving out from the east coast to see his brother, and disappeared somewhere between Oklahoma and Los Angeles. It took him several years to find Night Vale, although our recent change back to a normal timeline has at least put us a little more in sync with the rest of the country. The Chen family is unsure what a sheriff’s secret police is, nor what is so secret about them if they drive around in clearly labeled cars, but they would appreciate any help at all in finding their long lost Frank. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen rank since the day that Hiram McDaniels, the five- oh sorry, four-headed dragon, left Night Vale. Where did Frank go? If you have any information, tell a bird. Birds are real loudmouths and the info will be all over town in no time.

And now for the community calendar. This Friday, Martin McCaffrey is presenting an art show in the grain silo out back from the old Cooper farm. The silo will be kept in absolute darkness, and each (-) [0:12:40] will be shoved into the abandoned tower all along. They will not be able to see anything except the dancing light that lives in their eyelids. But they will know that they are with art, that art is indeed there, just beyond their fingertips in the darkness watching them. Suggested donation is five dollars, as in Martin suggests you donate that or you won’t be able to get in. Saturday morning, we’re getting towards the end of the summer softball league, and once again we have the annual grudge match between Steve Carlsberg’s Happy Hyenas, and Susan Willman’s Bad at Softball Losers. Not their real team name, but the name was kind of forgettable, and I think this one is more catchy. Ugh, Susan Willman! [mumbles] Tooling around in that Prius she bought after her Mini Cooper was filled with jellyfish and then towed. [cheerfully] See you on Saturday morning! Where we will, I assume, be cheering on my wonderful brother-in-law Steve. 

Sunday, Leopold Tuesdale has called for a community meeting. Leopold is the former CEO of the former cereal company Flaky-O’s, until both were acquired in a hostile takeover by Kellogg’s. Leopold was last seen being pulled into a van by Kellogg’s executives, but he has returned. His face is gaunt and it appears he has aged several decades, or perhaps a few very stressful years. He wears a cape and one big leather glove. The topic of the community meeting is the labyrinth that lays just beyond human sight, and the harbingers of that labyrinth, who drive vans full of wooden grates. He also want to discuss parking for the antiques fair, which he feels has gotten out of hand on Grub Street. Monday is a fun dinosaur presentation from local dinosaur expert Joel Eisenberg. This is part of the Applebee’s visiting experts program that invites local scholars to share their knowledge, and also prices jalapeno poppers at in irresistible 3,99 for 12. Wow! With a deal like that, I can’t wait to learn more about those big spitty lizards, or whatever they were.

Tuesday – is the day you’ve been waiting for. Yes, you could have achieved your dreams earlier, but it always seemed easier to plan to do them some day. Well, Tuesday is that day, and now it’s time to finally buckle down and get those dreams going. I wouldn’t delay, because it seems that Wednesday is the day – you die. So stay positive, and get it done quickly. And finally, next Thursday the Night Vale municipal fire authority is holding a mandatory fire drill. When you hear the siren, burn as many things as you can.

This has been the community calend- oh! Oh, I see it! I see it, it is here! Aaaaaaah, it is above me! The [booming sound] the [booming sound]

[“Drones” by Epicenter https://epicentermetal.bandcamp.com]

Part 1. In which the rabbits get their way. Before there were buildings, there were hills. In the hills, there were rabbits. All they wanted from life was food, a bit of sunshine, and to multiply across the land. And so they did. Most stories are happy if you end them at the right time.

Part 2. In which we approach. Aah, to see us then, when we were moving – toward the west, or else toward the east, or else south or north, but it wasn’t the direction. It was the momentum of it. We put ourselves out there, made ourselves available for new opportunities. Never mind the drawbacks, and never mind who gets hurt. That’s a problem for who comes next. We are here, so we can get there. And there’s just nothing else to worry about, but the getting.

Part 3. In which comes the kingdom. Great towers and great halls. A crowd looking upwards and a king looking downwards. What a time to be alive! What a terrible time to be dead! How much the dead are missing out on. Death is stupid, and we must only celebrate life. Those who are gone are gone, and it’s probably their fault anyway. We are alive because of our wits, and because we are naturally inclined to be alive. “How good we are,” we murmur, “and how beautiful our king is.”

Part 4. In which all is thought lost. But then – time came for us too. We weren’t who we used to be, but we also weren’t who we would be next either. There was this awful in-between, and we had to stay in it for so long. A king grew tired on his throne. We all grew so tired.

Part the last. In which we are each born anew. After – there were the buildings. There were the hills. In the hills lived rabbits. And we lived there too. All we wanted was food, a bit of sunshine, and to multiply across the land, and so we did. Most stories are happy if you wait long enough. The [booming sound effect] gives, the [booming sound effect] takes.

Stay tuned next for a slow drifting toward what we’ve always wanted, interrupted by the constant distraction of what seems easiest, and from one discipline of the [booming sound] to another: Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: The universe contains, among other things, black holes, vast clouds of gas and light, endless void, a diamond planet, and your tiny body.

[perfectirishgifts]

B&G Foods: The Boring Food Stock With The Fat Payday

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/bg-foods-the-boring-food-stock-with-the-fat-payday/

B&G Foods: The Boring Food Stock With The Fat Payday

BBQ hamburger table scene. Top view over a dark wood background.

You can’t spell boring without a B and a G – as in B&G Foods, one of the more boring stocks you’ll find on Wall Street. 

Few food companies have a collection of brands as pedestrian as those that B&G owns – names such as Cream of Wheat, Baker’s Joy, Trappey’s, Underwood, and Green Giant among others. Just this month, the New Jersey-based food company closed on its latest purchase: the iconic Crisco brand of shortening.

But here’s the thing: In an era marked by extreme valuations, and at a moment in history where the economy could just as easily tip into a recession as expand, there’s something to be said for the safety and surety of a boring ol’ food company selling the basic brands that American consumers reflexively reach for without much thought.

While Wall Street continues to focus on Tesla, Apple, Facebook and other high-flyers that represent greater risk and lesser reward, B&G sits at the other end of the value spectrum, just keeping on keeping on. There’s nothing flashy here to write about. There’s no Green Giant 2.0. No self-mixing box of Cream of Wheat that will radically change food preparation. It’s just a bunch of basic food brands that, this year, should generate just shy of $2 billion in sales. Last year, by comparison, that was $1.66 billion, and in 2015 it was just under $959 million.

Driving this trend is that fact that the US is not the healthy economy Wall Street and the investing public perceive it to be. Much of the country is hurting financially. Real wages, though up slightly, have been largely stagnant for years, according to Census Bureau data. Nearly 12% of the population live at or below the poverty line, again according to the Census Bureau. And unemployment remains perniciously high, particularly when calculating the rate as the government once did, before it specifically axed certain groups of people to make the unemployment rate look less egregious than reality.

The upshot is that a company such as B&G is a primary beneficiary of the modern American economy, filled as it is with a middle-class that, depending on what study you examine, are living paycheck-to-paycheck. Some studies claim that half of workers earning under $50,000 a year barely make it to their next payday. Another study, released in September by the American Payroll Association, claims 69% of all American workers “would experience financial difficulty if their paychecks were delayed for a week.”

All of that distilled into a single, B&G-relevant sentence means that the bulk of Americans want to stretch their limited dollars as far as possible, which means they naturally gravitate toward consumer staples and basic food brands they trust.

You can see that in B&G’s stock chart so far this year.

B&G YTD performance is at 54.75%

B&G Foods shares are currently in the $27.45 range, are about 58% so far this year, and have essentially doubled since their post-Covid lows. Even that, the stocks remains inexpensive. It’s trading at roughly 11x the per-share earnings B&G should earn for a fiscal year ending in December. At a moment when the market as a whole is basically three times as expensive. B&G seems a throwback to a time when valuations actually mattered.

The shares also sport a consistent quarterly dividend stream that has risen 10 times in the last decade. Currently, shareholders are collecting $1.90 per share annually, equating to a yield that exceeds 6.9% these days.

A fat yield, a skinny P/E, and a basket of basic food brands that cash-strapped consumers rely on? Hard to find a better collection of investment factors on Wall Street nowadays, despite how boring that story is. B&G certainly will never be a high-profile darling like the FAANG stocks. And it’s probably never going to receive much financial press for doing nothing more than stocking grocery shelves while dull brand names. 

But B&G might just be a perfect stock for a moment when the Street is lost in it’s own lunacy, when the economy teeters between growth and contraction, and when tens of millions of consumers are just waiting for the next paycheck to go shopping again for food.

More from Investing in Perfectirishgifts

[airbnbfestivals]

How many stars for this review? I've never given below five!!!

First of all, I would just like to preface this by saying that I have used AirBnB both domestically and internationally and I have never encountered a place that wasn't quite what I expected. I always read the reviews and listing thoroughly, and I closely examine the pictures so I know what I'm getting myself into. I even had one host that was pretty rude upon arrival, and I still gave five stars, I just made it clear in the review that he was rude to us.My hubby and I were looking to get away from the city to somewhere quiet, remote, and private, and we booked a cabin in the mountains. The listing itself is pretty detailed and did acknowledge all the faults of the listing, which I thought was impressive, but there was one thing that the hosts were not transparent about.The cabin was not private at all. In the pictures, there is all this beautiful greenery around the cabin, making it look like it was totally private. There was a glimpse of a house in the background, but there was tons of trees and other greenery between the house and the cabin. Two reviewers even specifically said the cabin was private. It was a damn good price for the area, too, so we decided to book it after carefully reviewing the listing to make sure it met the criteria we were looking for.Once we arrived to the cabin, it was not private at all. First off, the listing itself said the cabin was "located in a vacation community with a few visible homes in sight". This was more like... a trailer park. With some really rough looking trailers, and a few really nice cabins, and giant freaking house next door, which was occupied. Second, all the greenery that was in the pictures and supposedly shielded you from the neighbors was cleared away. You could see all the neighbors on all sides. Third, there was a trailer on the lot (not a huge lot, by the way) with someone staying in it. I was so shocked by the difference between the pictures and the actual lot, that I looked at the listing again, because I wondered if I was losing my mind. And nope, the pictures are clearly old and taken from specific angles to avoid showing you that the cabin is not remote at all. This really pissed me off. We live in the city with close neighbors on either side of us and really wanted to escape that feeling, only for us to come here and still feel slightly claustrophobic with the occupied house next door and the occupied trailer on the lot. Had we known this, we would have booked something else. I have since cooled down about it significantly, but its still really bothering me. I felt totally tricked.A few additional things that irked me during our stay: Number one, they tried to charge us ten dollars more than what they listed as their pet cleaning fee. Number two, when we asked the hosts where they kept their axe (there was a wood stove and plenty of firewood for it), they told us it was behind the shed. There was no shed on the property at all...I cannot make this up. The wood was just under some covered area behind the cabin. Lastly, there was a ladder leading up to the loft, where the bed was, but there was no mechanism to hold the ladder in place while climbing it...it was pretty unstable and scary.The weirdest part about this, is that this person is rated as a supherhost! The Cabin has nothing under five stars, and people have been staying in it consistently for the last couple years.I am really torn about rating this AirBnB because, number one, I am apparently the first person to have any beef about the space, and number two, everything else about the stay was fine. The hosts were transparent about many other things, like the mattress being thin, the handle of the oven being broken, the small hot water tank, etc. The kitchen was stocked with all condiments and things you would ever need, the wood was fully stocked, and so on and so forth. Its just this one aspect of the listing that really rubbed me the wrong way, and I have never been disappointed by a Superhost. But I also feel the need to let other potential guests know that the listing isn't quite what they display it to be in terms of location and privacy.What do you think? Get $20 off your first AirBnB stay.

[cubaverdad]

Invasive Marabou Weed, An Enemy That Became An Ally

Invasive Marabou Weed, An Enemy That Became An Ally / 14ymedio, Bertha Guillen and Ricardo Fernandez 14ymedio, Bertha Guillen and Ricardo Fernandez, Artemisa/Pinar del Rio, 9 February 2017 – When he was a boy, Jorge Luis Ledesma Herrera played around the charcoal ovens his father had built. Now, approaching 50, this Pinar del Rio man dedicates his days to a shrub that is both hated and appreciated: the invasive marabou weed, raw material for the first product that Cuba has exported to the United States in more than five decades. Ledesma lives in El Gacho, a few miles from San Juan y Martinez, where the best tobacco on the island is grown. Also growing in the area is the spiny plant that has invaded the island since its arrival 150 years ago. Now, its hard branches provide sustenance to thousands of families across the island. Cuba annually exports between 40,000 and 80,000 tonnes of charcoal produced from marabou, which occupies roughly 2.5 million acres of land that would otherwise be suitable for agriculture, or almost 17% of the island's arable land. Livestock areas have also been affected by this invasive weed that has conquered 56% of the land used for animal husbandry. The plague of threatening thorns spreads, thanks to the plant's strong nature, but also due to the neglect and poor organization that affects the Cuban countryside. The state maintains a good deal of control over land despite the fact that in recent years the cooperative sector has been expanded and land has been leased in usufruct to private farmers. The Basic Units of Cooperative Production manage 25% of the land, the Agricultural Production Cooperatives 8% and the Credit and Services Cooperatives 38%, while state farms manage 29%, according to figures provided in 2015 during the XI Congress of the National Association of Small Farmers (ANAP). Popular jokes praise the marabou as if it were the royal palm. They propose to replace that haughty national emblem on the Republic's coat of arms and in its place enshrine the tangled anatomy of the invading species. A decade ago Raul Castro joked about the repudiation of the bush during a speech in Camagüey, during the official commemoration of the assault on the Moncada Barracks. "What was most beautiful, what stood out in my eyes, was how beautiful the marabou was along the whole road," he said after traveling from Havana to that central province. After that harangue, the crusade against the marabou took on ideological status and became a symbol of Raul's government, right alongside the promises of eradicating the dual monetary system, curbing corruption and lowering food prices. Shortly afterwards, enthusiasm for the battle was lost and it disappeared from the government's list of critical projects. In an irony of fate, the enemy plant has gradually become an ally. In 2007 the Spanish company Iberian and Solid Fuels (Ibecosol SL) began to commercialize charcoal made from marabou in several European countries. Its ability to burn slowly and the delicate flavor it adds to food has earned it a good reputation. Jorge Luis Ledesma Herrera knows these qualities well, because part of the marabou he processes ends up in his own stove. Every morning he spends hours cutting the logs that he then transports in an oxcart. His life is not very different from his grandfather's, but he boasts of being able to count on "legal electricity" in an environment where low voltage "clotheslines" – as makeshift electrical wiring is called – abound. He describes working with marabou as a real hell. The main limitation is the tools he has to work with. The axes and machetes are of poor quality, bought on the black market, and must be repaired all the time. With ingenuity, some have recycled blades from sugar cane harvesters to aid in cutting. About two hundred yards from the farmer's house is the flat ground where the oven is built. The earth is burned and looks fine, like black powder. The marabou must be heated to temperatures between 750° and 1300° F, with the wood stacked in a cone, covered over with straw and earth. "Two months ago I took out of the oven an amount I calculated as 20 sacks – about half a tonne – and it started to rain. Although the rain only lasted a few minutes the hard coals cracked like broken glass," he said. "I could only save five sacks. In the nearby Artemisa Joaquín Díaz, 56, has been engaged in the manufacture of charcoal since he was a child. He has been using marabou for years to cook, but now, with the news of its export, he processes it more delicately and takes greater care of the ovens. Like Ledesma, he only has access to water through a well, takes care of his personal needs in a latrine outside the house and his house has a light weight roof. This charcoal producer in the village of Fierro, in the municipality of San Cristóbal, bears up under the sting of the rebellious shrub; like other farmers he uses gardening gloves to protect himself. Keeping his eyes away from thorns is also part of the precautions. When he prepares an oven he tries not to leave a gap between one stick and another, because "it doesn't hold in the fire and then it goes out." Care is essential. "As long as white smoke is coming out, the wood isn't burned," and it will only ready to dismantle when the smoke turns blue, which may take a week or more, Diaz explains. In Pinar del Río, the companies that buy charcoal from the burners are the state-owned Acopio and the Integral Forest Enterprise. Payment is made through a temporary contract that allows them to be paid directly and not through the cooperatives. The charcoal-burners thus avoid the check cashing fee charged by those entities. The state pays for charcoal at 1.20 Cuban pesos (CUP – roughly 5 cents US) per kilogram (2.2 pounds) wholesale, or 30 CUP for a 25 kilogram sack. For premium charcoal they pay 0.10 CUC (roughly ten cents US) per kilogram. With luck, the producer will pocket the equivalent of 150 dollars for every tonne of best quality charcoal, which the state enterprise will sell in the United States for 420 dollars, almost three times what the charcoal-burner makes. However, selling to the state comes with many problems of late payments. In addition, "the rigging of the process of selection and the weighing of the premium coal, makes it more reliable to sell it to private individuals," says Ledesma. The private buyer pays 40 CUP per sack, "and many owners of pizzerias and private restaurants in Pinar del Rio" come to him to stock up. Ledesma dreams of being able to sell his marabou charcoal directly, without going through the state as an intermediary. "If that could be done, I would buy myself a chain saw to increase production so I could change the way I live." Of course if that were the case, he reflects, "even doctors would come here set up charcoal ovens in El Gaucho." Source: Invasive Marabou Weed, An Enemy That Became An Ally / 14ymedio, Bertha Guillen and Ricardo Fernandez – Translating Cuba - http://ift.tt/2kuGwm4 via Blogger http://ift.tt/2lzm9W6