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subaru-meteorlight · 15 days ago

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hsr 3.0 spoilers + vent (it’s more personal than anything don’t read if ur here for actual hsr story reaction/analysis etc) (it’s messy & negative)

I’d put vents in the tags like I usually do but the word and tag limit get annoying

uuuuuu…. uuhhnnnn SCRATCHING HEAD I DUNNO……NOT TO BE OVERLY NEGATIVE OR ANYTHING BUT. idk. Mixed emotions. Just finished the story. ..the ending segment is. Sorta mid. Sorry I feel bad for saying that. My friends are all asleep so unfortunately I have to turn to the void. The starting, middle, showing caelus’ past with the stellaron hunters, and climax all the way to killing god were peak and really exciting I love it a lot… I’m also really happy that the story is so long this time! And there’s so many maps!!! Hsr definitely benefits from longer quests, their arcs and stories are so grand that having more time to flesh things out is very good for them… considering they need to stuff the mechanics, backstory and lore of an entire ass planet into 3 or 4 updates… amphoreus is esp funny in this regard because all that previous lore about paths, aeons, ipc, anything? throw it out the window. This is (almost, at first glance, at least) a completely isolated world in a bottle

I went off topic ARGHHGHHG OK NO HIDING MY FEELINGS. IM SORRYRYYY THE ENDING DROPPED THE BALL AND WITH PHAI BACKSTORY REVEAL… LIKE… I DUNNO…. I THINK… I HYPED MYSELF UP WAYYYY TOO MUCH TO FIND OUT WHATS WRONG W HIM. WHEN IT GOT REVEALED I SORTA FELT LIKE. THATS IT? I FEEL BAD FOR SAYING THATTT LOSING EVERYTHING ISNT A “LOL THATS IT HUH” SCENARIO UGH I GUESS NARRATIVE WISE ITS JUST NOT SMTH I RESONATE WITH BUT STILL-! (what, do I lack empathy? tell me something new… 😭)(going off topic I’ve resigned to the fact that I know I’m most probably an awful terrible person but as long as I know how to act normal and lie straight to ppl’s faces, act in a way that makes me liked… well, nobody will know.)

LIKE.. THE REVEAL KINDA. KILLED MY EXCITEMENT, SORTA. IS THAT ALL? IT FEELS BAD!!!! IM SORRY. I WAS EXCITED TO GRIND OUT THE GAME AFTER FINISHING THE STORY BUT MY MOTIVATION IS GONE AWAA IM SORRY IM SRY ARTHFHHGFH ITS NOBODY’S FAULT BUT MY OWN BUT LET ME SELFISHLY BE SAD FOR MYSELF…. I FEEL LIKE A DUMB KID FOR FEELING LIKE THIS ARRHGHGH yeah…. Yeah….. I just got way too into my head abt what could his problem be etc what is his fatal flaw, despite acting so noble and kind and way too perfect. I liked when he was wavering on becoming a demigod and his personal doubts; he’s just a guy… (lol like Kevin… haha…)

I think part of it was because the story doing tell don’t show.. up till you’re directly told about phai’s past you could barely tell anything wrong w him- he really is the perfect knight, perfect hero… but I suppose-! That’s the point isn’t it?!?! He can mask that well-?! He’s trying his best to focus on his duty as a hero/deliverer/chrysos heir soon demigod and pushing away thoughts of his revenge-?!? You can’t tell there’s smth wrong w him, that’s the point right?!? I’m trying to talk myself down. Where was I. Lost my train of thought. right, I dunno… feel bad for saying this (2) but-! I guess it’s the way it’s just dropped on us suddenly?!?! “Ah yeah he lost everything” yeah… we’ve got 6 other characters in the game like that too - ARGHGGH sorry that’s such a mean thing to say. Childish and spoiled. Ok!!! Maybe I’m just passing my judgement way too early!!!! It only got hinted at a lil bit after all!!!! The following patches will release and elaborate more and make me like his story again yes yes…. Yeah… if 2.0 ended with them saying aven lost his home planet too I wouldn’t be amazed by that either-! It’s the entire 2.1 that made everything good! Right , right, I’m judging too early… I’m gonna be a huge fool when I come back to this after everything and I’m fawning over his sad backstory and mentally killing myself 20 times because of how DUMB I was earlier when we had no info right right right right right. Right.

Right. Ok. Talking about it makes me feel somewhat normal abt it. I guess. My feelings usually fade quick so I’m glad. Re: ‘you can’t tell there’s anything wrong w him’ lost my train of thought. Mafuyu from prsk, she’s kinda similar in this regard, being too perfect on the surface- I also disliked her initially but she’s fine now, I like her. Or is that also a product of my fleeting feelings. But anyway. Phai’s in the same position as her I suppose. I guess it just stings harder because I had wayyy too high hopes for him putting him on a pedestal of “he’s perfect (as in, he’s perfectly my kind of character) and became devastated when he wasn’t a perfect 1:1 of my interests in character storylines. That’s totally on me. He gotta go apeshit abt revenge at some point right? See look at you again, setting yourself up for disappointment. AWWAGHDH. I’m talking in circles. I really don’t want ppl going through the tag to read this lol please don’t perceive my ass takes.

Topic: ‘killing my excitement’ that’s totally on my own irrationality. Let me mourn…. Kicking rocks I dunnoo!!!! It feels bad!!! I was hyped up and it feels like the happiness, excitement suddenly got taken away from me- it’s like losing something I never had in a first place (and that’s funny, because that’s basic ryu backstory 101) I JUST SAD ABT IT NOT MATCHING MY EXPECTATIONS I don’t know why I set myself up like this. It hurts- because- yeah I just put too much of my emotional wellbeing onto this fictional guy 😭 that’s on me that’s on me. That one post “need a hyperfixation or I kill myself” that’s literally me. I thought I could have something new to be happy about again but aoiufffdfdf having it snatched along with my motivation feels bad!!! Ok!!!! Ahhh, do I still e6s5? Hahah….. I hope this feeling fades. I’ll be back to normal soon probably arghgg but just let me feel for now. PLEASE go back to normal soon I’m begging you. Speaking of being normal this feeling is also amplified by me weighing my entire emotional stability onto phai like if he was just some guy I liked I’d probably just be “oh he has stuff, cool I’ll hear about it next patch or so” but no I touted him around as the “perfect guy for me” ‘phai save me etc etc” “next e6” and I’m very abnormal about him so I guess it’s all falling on me like a brick tower now!!!!! Ok saying it makes me feel better. I will get better soon I promise.

And speaking on feelings fading quick that’s another separate problem I have because I pass through interests so quickly- I wish badly to have an interest of mine stay for longer than 3 months but uhghhhh once again- “need a hyperfixation or I die”. Ofc I still love my past interests dearly- they never leave me but the? Hmm, serotonin boost? (lol) starts fading in intensity after 3 months or so- maybe that’s normal, I dunno. I wish I could be happy about things for longer. It ALSO feels bad when I know an interest is fading away like agghhhh not again… head in hands I just want something to be happy about. And on that- since phai is rumoured to be coming out 3.3 or even 3.4… that’s, what, 5 months?!??!!?! Ohhh man. This happened with Sunday… he was one of my favs during penacony arc (till he got utterly overshadowed by aven, lol) but by the time he came out I… didn’t really care anymore… damn rip. I mean I pulled him but I lost interest and wasn’t really into the game anymore leading up to his banner and even after pulling him. It’s sad……….!!!!!!! Where did all the love go. If he had released earlier I would’ve been a lot more hyped and insane abt it but ackkk I guess that’s just how it is. Thinking abt how it might happen w phai too makes me prematurely sad AHFHGH STOP THINKING ABT IT THEN youre downing yourself for no reason!!!!! My god

Ok I feel a lot normaler now. Yes. Ok. Right. It was just the initial immediate reaction. Ok. Ok. He’ll cook in the following patches yes yes yes I can rely on my friends to encourage me too yes ok ok. It’s not the end of the world. His design is still banger. Hyv most definitely will not flop when writing their KEVIN yes ok. Yes. I am being irrationally paranoid. Ok. Right. Oughhg. I will sleep. And tomorrow is a new day. And I will feel normal. And delete this post because what was I on earlier. Right.

Edit to add on: yeah characters who mask to seem stronger, invincible are my favs so I dunno why I'm so weird abt it w phai!!!!! Argghgg!!!!! Isn't this my absolute fav thing???? Ough. Right. Ok. Let them cook they'll do something good. Ok. It's funny actually this means his mask is so good it fools even me. On that- I think it's the fact that similar to mafuyu, his mask is one of being morally good, upstanding citizen, model hero - that kind just isn't my taste, that's all. It's alright as well, just not the absolute fav. But it can be good too. My absolute fav is aven's kind of mask... calculating, aware of others' perception of you and how you can influence it, motivated by self-interest, using your self image as a weapon... actually saying this out I could draw similarities between phai and aven masks where they both use it as a shield to fill a void/ forge an identity but I think I'm insane at this point

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