#also apparently the slender man movie is the darkest movie in the world i had to turn my brightness ALL the way up to make these

[monsterfuckerbracket]

[eggheadsguidetorunning]

Slender Man

I didn’t go to (see) the movie Slender Man thinking it would be (equals) (to) slender man’s first appearance on the internet on something awful and didn’t think the movie would even be equal to Marble Hornets. Marble Hornets being the Youtube video series that everything involving slender man after has used as a basis. The idea that a PG-13 summer Blockbuster horror movie would be able to even understand the idea of subtly was something I didn’t expect, but I didn’t expect it to be so boring and dull. (13)

The saddest part about this is that it is apparent someone on the team that made this movie does know what slender man is not and to the films credit they don’t use slender man as just another movie monster, but the creators behind Slender Man the movie didn’t realize what he was. (4) Slender man for a movie is an opportunity for potential. (21) See slender man’s powers are that he can change one’s personality, cause insanity, and can seemingly take others to other places and the amount of symbolism or actual horror and real world fear you could use from a monster whit those abilities is insane.(4) An example Marble Hornets used slender man to show how those suffering from mental health issues can affect and harm those around them, and how those around them can try to help or worsen the issue. (17) In EverymanHybrid, another youtube group using slender man, they show him as being this strange being of immense power whose goals and reasoning were completely alien to the heroes. And Tribetwelve, yes another youtube group, well I have yet to see that one but I’m sure it is good too. (6) But the movie Slender Man just seems to be using slender man as a reason to give you a spooky house Halloween treat. They seem to think slender man can invade your mind and do anything, so we will do anything when he invades someone’s mind. (14) It is just one scary strange scenario after another using the idea that slender man is making people go mad as an excuse to use whatever and do whatever often. (13)

One might assume that this movie would fail though because the successful renditions using slender man have used the fact that they were on Youtube to give a different experience using the internet and (13) 5-minute videos tied into 20-minute videos to give a different style of horror that doesn’t translate to movies. (26) That isn’t a good enough excuse though because while yes Slender Man couldn’t be Marble Hornets as I stated slender man is a blank largely unexplored idea. There is something you can do with this creature to add to horror even with it not being on Youtube. (6)

(8)The biggest crime of this movie is that it after a while doesn’t try anymore. It literally turns into a (21) character walking down a hallway of scary imagery and seeing more scary imagery(4). Even though some of this imagery is scary by this point you have seen so much of this that it is just dull and (24)repetitive. There seems to be no logic in the images shown and most of it is inconsistent(14) with story or meaning.(20) As an example, Character A is in a hospital and has a fear(15) that her sister who was brought there flat lines,(13) okay that is related to the character at least, but it isn’t(4) happening and character A is brought(21) out of the nightmare were her sister dies to the hospital were her(4) sister is currently being treated.(17) Then character A walks down the hospital hallway and sees a(6) nurse with her face removed(14) talking to a patient looks a character A and growls at her.(13) Character A keeps(13) walking and soon ends up in(2) a forest and is buried and split into parts, (6)head, torso, legs(11), roots then engulf her and she snaps out of it and(4) is back in the hospital because none (19)of that actually happened just like the fifth-(24)teen other times nothing ever happened. After a while (14)this got quite boring and it led in me leaving the movie feeling bored (20)and uninterested.

Now the movie(3) may sound like Winchester The House that Ghost Made (14)movie which I also thought(22) to be a boring film, but I could at least say that Winchester(13) had a story and comprehensible plot(13) going throughout it, Slender Man decides(4) to stop any progression of the plot to through(2) more weird imagery and scares at you.(1) It removes development of the characters(4) to show more scary(17) imagery with the characters it is like a never-ending barrage of scary imagery after scary imagery.

Slender Man(6) is a special type of bad the bad of the boring and I (14)dislike this more than something like say (13)The Darkest Minds or more appropriate for (13)this review Truth or Dare. (26)See like Slender Man, Truth or Dare is a horror movie(17) that isn’t scary that(20) has a bunch of (13)characters that I don’t care(3) about and a bad story. However,(26) Slender Man had a chance to be interesting(13) it wasn’t dead(3) in the wat(3)er there was hope for the idea of a slender man(4) movie to be good. While Truth or Dare(18) had a really silly concept to begin with and(4) as a result it seems that the creators just had fun (17)with Truth or Dare and made a hokey (19)silly horror movie. While Slender Man it looks like they tried (24)and put effort in the acting and cinematography but(14) failed everywhere else. Slender Man (20)would honestly be better if it was stupider.

[shoggoth-the-bitch]

Slender Man (2018) Review

I’ve just gotten back from a late showing of the new Slender Man film, forgive me if this review comes out jumbled or I have more typos and missing words than normal.

First and foremost I need to address how amazing and ridiculous it is that I just watched a movie about Slenderman which had an actual theatrical release. For a long time now the concept of Slenderman has been a meme or something to laugh at rather than something people are actually afraid of, I’d honestly be shocked if someone told me they were still making Slenderman Creepypastas, let alone a movie. Which begs the question why someone would commit to making this film when the ideal time to do such a thing was about five years ago.

Second, I should address the bias I have for my standards when it comes to Slenderman and his mythos. As many of us know, all that Slenderman is at this point is not simply the brain child of a single man but rather the collection of thoughts and ideas that the various denizens of the internet have brought together to make a vaguely comprehensible creature. There is no one certain way to represent Slenderman because there are simply too many interpretations of him but that said, many of us have been too spoiled to tolerate more sub-par interpretations because we have been given excellent stories such as EveryManHybrid, Tribe Twelve, and most notably Marble Hornets. As such I am willing to say that, yes, this film did disappoint me but I’m also not surprised it did, because I already knew what I wasn’t getting out of this film.

Next I want to talk about the Slenderman of this story, specifically that he doesn’t look that great which makes it all the worse that the film shows him off far too much. The film gives their Slenderman a very wood like texture to go with his motif of blending in with the forest but that’s never really been what his character was, he blends in with the trees because he’s tall, with many long limbs. Slenderman also moves in this film, like a lot, and it’s always up close and personal with the characters which is another thing that his character has never been about. You should never see Slenderman move unless he’s very far away and you’re realizing that trees are moving in the distance. And of course there’s the fact that he’s on the screen all the time in the movie but it’s very rarely just him in the background, observing his victims like he’s supposed to but rather right in the face of every other character. There’s never a point where Slenderman is on screen without the camera or a character immediately drawing attention to him. Seriously, there’s a reason no one who’s made a successful Slenderman story focuses on their model or mannequin they used for their version of him, because the longer you look at them, the sillier they are.

Finally, I have to talk about the characters. The film focuses on four teenage girls who are apparently not smart enough to do dangerous things, or really anything, during the day. I would also like to state that I forgot these girls’ names pretty much immediately, in case you were wondering how much of an impression they left on me. The film makes a point to let us know that one of the girls (the main character, of course) has never heard of Slenderman, thus allowing the other girls to google and explain him for her before they find a video to summon him. They also don’t even summon him out of their own interest but rather because some boys who are barely even part of the film are going to do it and if the boys are doing it then they’re doing it too. After the first of the girls is taken, you would assume that their parents would be very against them going out alone or that they would be afraid to go out alone or at least be afraid to go out in the dark, but you’d be wrong. These girls walk everywhere, making it pretty clear they didn’t have the budget for even one car to be used in the shoot, and they literally never do anything other than go to school when it’s light out. They walk to each other’s houses in the dark, go into the woods in the dark, one walks to a boy’s house in the dark, alone, even after seeing one of her friends has gone insane, and one does research in the darkest goddamn library in the world. So even if they were likable or memorably, they’d all still be dumb as hell.

In the end, the film isn’t great but it’s also not as terrible as a lot of reviews are making it out to be. Honestly, this film has managed to capture the spirit of Slenderman way better than that piece of shit Always Watching, which was clearly written by someone who not only didn’t understand the mythos around Slenderman but also didn’t get Marble Hornets at all. So at least it’s go that going for them. Also, just as a side note, why the fuck did this film not just go all out and got for an R-rating? They could have done some twisted shit in a Slenderman story and PG-13 just feels like they weren’t trying hard enough.