#also also someone messed with the lyrics that spotify pulls up for you

[explorne5ever]

48 for the spotify unwrapped!

DEAD THRONE by Arankai

Gosh that one’s so aggressive but i’m fond of the lyrics 😅

[nomoreusername]

Not So Invisible (Highschool AU)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:After thinking his constant hate for Valentine's Day would never show up you do one small thing that changes his entire perspective.

Candy hearts, love letters, red flowers, Valentine's Day, I hate it. Honestly, I can't stand it. If I could get rid of any day I would pick that one. Unfortunately, I can't. So I just get to sit back and pretend to be absolutely shocked when there's nothing in my box that I stopped decorating years ago. I’ll draw some lousy red hearts on it for a grade and call it a day.

Well there is one thing I like about it. During homeroom, while everyone is passing stuff out I can put my head down, turn my own music up, and sleep.

Like right now. I pretended to care about the teacher's five minute speech. The second her mouth stopped moving though, I slipped my earbuds on. Shuffling through my Spotify, I found one with not a single lyric about love (which definitely wasn't made specifically for this day) and put my hood up. In the very back corner of the class, I placed my head on the desk and closed my eyes so that this could pass by as quickly as possible.

♡ - - - ♡

I cannot even begin to describe how hard I tried to sleep this period away. Unfortunately, while the back corner allows me to just remain invisible-by my own free will for once-it came with the glorious sunlight shining right in my face. It also happened to be what most would consider a wonderful day. Bright blue skies and warm weather.

I hate that weather too. I love the rain though. After all, I don't just hate everything, though I can give you a list.

Group projects, bus rides, people with no sense of personal space, the label of “quiet kid”, ads between songs, headphones randomly screwing up, those popular kids that act like the best friend of people who are just minding their own business to entertain their friends, random words that came out of nowhere like rizz, people that text without even attempting to use grammar or proper spelling, sleeping in unfamiliar places, the times I get sent to the school counselor because they think that something’s wrong with me, that therapist I wouldn't speak to who thought she could “fix me”, those stupid parent teacher conferences where they act like I’m not there by giving one glance at my grades then go after their list of concerns for my social life, and so on.

I don't just hate things though.

I love Sonya, Rachel, Harriet, some of my family, the smell of new books and feeling of old ones, hoodies that I know like the back of my hand, the occasional time my cats will cuddle with me, stormy weather with lightning and heavy rain, mist and fog, the nighttime when everyone is asleep and I get to be in total silence, driving when the roads are almost empty, doodling on pieces of paper, the sound pencils make when they scratch journals, the teachers who don't force me to speak, bittersweet music that with soft melodies that you don't know whether to cry or smile at, and the way fire cackles and dances in the dark.

The sunlight was not in the list of things to enjoy, because it stopped me from doing one of the other things I love. Sleeping. So I reluctantly pulled The Dead Poets Society out and got back to reading.

Because life hates me back though, the second I opened it someone walked up. Giving them a glance, I was expecting it to be someone just trying to mess with me.

I definitely wasn't expecting her. Not Y/N in her everyday clothes with a small smile and her own earbuds in.

Without a word she dropped a small white envelope in my box before hurrying back to her seat near the wall. This interaction, if you could call it that, was extra odd since she was notorious for not handing stuff out no matter how many she got. In fact, she had been at her spot the entire time and didn't seem like she was getting back up any time soon.

Staring at her, I waited for her to meet my gaze or explain. Instead, she was reading something of her own like she hadn't just done that.

Still heavy with skepticism, I turned it over in my hands to see my name in blue ink. It was held shut by a small star sticker. I love those too. The stars.

Being careful not to rip it, I opened it and saw a piece of paper and red gumdrop. Setting it down, I unfolded it and started reading.

Dear Aris,

I’m not good with words, or people, but I still wanted to at least try. Even if it's not that good. You probably don't remember, but we used to sit next to each other a few classes ago. I really wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. Still, it's Valentine's Day so I may as well try today, right?

I think that you're really cool. You're really kind and genuine. You do things because you want to and not to get something back. That's probably why you helped me with a lot of the world three years ago in science class, though I don't think you remember that either.

Because it probably didn't mean much to you, though it meant the world to me. That someone would actually help out the new girl. You were the first person to do that and actually talk to me. I would have told you a lot earlier if I knew how, but now that we have this class I’ll do what I said I would years ago.

So if you're not doing anything later would you like to hangout? Just you and I?

Love From,

Y/N

Taking another read through the letter, I evaluated each word. Each space between them and the way the slight curves and dots in the i’s. Just to be sure there wasn't something that I was missing.

There wasn't.

She noticed me. Y/N actually notices me.

Glancing at her again, I saw that she was just turning the page, seeming content in her world. Then, she slightly turned and looked back. I gave her a small smile, and just as she returned it I heard the rain start outside. She just slightly waved to me before turning back around.

So while everyone was complaining about the water falling on the windows I felt my smile grow as I buried my head in my hoodie so nobody would see.

Because even if nobody else was looking, she was, and I was actually okay with that.

I think I was okay with not being invisible around her.

[iwashie]

💛𝙱𝙻𝙻𝙺 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝙱𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝙸 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 💚

︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶ "warnings"- brasileiros que curtem as minhas coisas, agora é hora de vocês aparecerem. AQUI É BR PORRA! The songs have Spotify link. (pt 2 coming soon)

💚ISAGI- MAIS NINGUÉM- BANDA DO MAR

He gives me the vibe of no matter if you're surrounded by people or alone, things with him get comfortable, you two create your own little world, lost in each other's eyes. It doesn't matter if you're just friends, have a crush, dating, married, things with him are light and cozy.

💛 BACHIRA MEGURU- WHISKY A GO-GO- ROUPA NOVA

He would definitely love this song and dance with you, no matter if he doesn't understand the lyrics, the beat speaks for itself. He passes this chaotic vibe of Brazilian party. He is the fun in person and brings joy to things like this song, with him there are no bad situations!

💚 ALEXIS NEES- EXAGERADO- CAZUZA

he has the same vibe as the lyrics of this Brazilian anthem – as dramatic and passionate as Cazuza in this song. He would take you a thousand stolen roses, throw himself at your feet and apologize if you had made a mistake, he would also cry a lot, making drama if you ignored him.

💛 MICHAEL KAISER- ENTRE TAPAS E BEIJOS- CALYPSO

He gives me this vibe of always fighting but never separating, always at loggerheads. You two have good times and bad. You don't know if you love or hate him, always wanting to strangle him but also kiss him. you two pull hair, beat each other, bite and love each other—people don't know if you love or hate each other. You two are match made in heaven like beans and rice.

💚 RYUSEI SHIDOU- TE AMO DISGRAÇA- BACO EXU DO BLUES

Impossible to listen to this song and not remember ryusei. bottles of wine, fucking all over the house, on the balcony, in the car and in the bathroom of the bar. That mix of rap, blues and hi-hop is so much his vibe. Indefinite relationship, you fight and fuck, love each other. It's both of you against the world.

💛 KURONA RANZE- EQUALIZE- PITTY

He's so smart, handsome, calm and everything you like that you get lost around him. He's so perfect and friend/boyfriend/husband material that you don't have eyes for anyone else. You like him so much that you want to keep him to yourself, etch him in every bit of you so you don't miss him.

💚 NIKO IKKI- EDUARDO E MÔNICA- LEGIÃO URBANA

he's totally Eduardo, all silly, funny and charming that the need to keep him protected and around is enormous. He was sure to fall in love with someone older, maybe a little different from him, but the feeling would simply be there, slowly growing. "And who will one day say that there is reason in things made by the heart."

💛 CHIGIRI HYOMA- DE JANEIRO A JANEIRO- ROBERTA CAMPOS & NANDO REIS

He has this something that doesn't matter if you deny it or just haven't realized it yet, you like him and he likes you, and no matter how much time passes, that feeling isn't going to change. He's like, "If I date it's to get married."

💚 KUNIGAMI RENSUKE- O SOL E A LUA- PEQUENO CIDADÃO

You can compare he before and after the Wildcard to this song. Before he was all cheerful and had the dream of being a football hero, he was hot. And now he's "the sun froze its heart", all emo… sad. but I can also say that he would not give up so easy on you, as he does with football and like the sun still asks the moon in marriage.

💛 TABITO KARASU- DESPERDIÇOU- SANDY & JUNIOR

he dumb like ryusei, not knowing how to deal with the passion of the person, but he sure would do the same as Junior in this song- I can see him messing up your wedding day, saying he still loves you and taking you still dressed as a bride away and promising eternal passion. or he just wasted the love, left and never called, ran away with your peace.

[catearedbeauty]

(Mostly) Hazbin Fic plots based off TTPD songs because I’m brain rotting

(Not all the songs are here, but quite a bit are, and this are free to use for inspiration or whatever as long as you link the fics to this post via reblog or comment and credit this post in the notes!! There's like, two Helluva Boss plots in here- Numbers correspond to what place the song is on the album according to spotify.)

————————————

1. Fortnight - HUSKERDUST ANGST, so like, they were dating, yeah? After a while, a fortnight, if you would, they ended up getting separated due to their respective soul contracts, but they obviously have to pretend they aren't in love anymore, and the lyrics jump around between Husk and Angel's POV, in my opinion, but maybe they don't, I dunno!!

2. TTPD - This is basically Loser, Baby but with Angel singing to Husk, and I feel like Husk is old enough that he would unironically use a typewriter and he's gotta have a mental breakdown at some point, especially having to deal with Alastor and just....yeah, the Vibes!! The lyrics tell a big story here, so it's really easy to work with.

3. MBOBHFT - This is a really, really good angsty ValAngel song, because Angel IS his favourite toy and look at what happens. And the "Cause it fit too right/puzzle pieces in the dead of night/should've known it was a matter of time/oh, my boy only breaks his favourite toys" is just the SUMMARY of their relationships since Val WAS playing the role of a doting, loving boyfriend at first, Angel was head over heels until the contract was signed. And also "Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me" could be after Angel's redeemed? Maybe?

4. Down Bad - So it starts out ValAngel, right after Angel signs the contract and Val starts getting absolutely fucking awful. Obviously, Angel's still attached to Val, still has feelings for him, just a little bit of stockholm syndrome. And he's just venting to someone about everything and they try to get Angel to just leave Val but he can't because 1. the contract and 2. He still has feelings.

6. But Daddy I Love Him - This would be Molly centric, actually!! When they're still alive. A lot of mafia family's have arranged marriages from my understanding, and I imagine it's Anthony helping helping Molly sneak out to meet the man she truly loves and trying to argue with their father about letting Molly marry who she really wants and I imagine Molly is also a bit head strong and would pull the "I'm having his baby!" card to try to get out of the arranged marriage. You could make this a little angsty and have Molly get to marry the man she actually wants to after Anthony dies but that's optional, either way she ends up with her love at the end!!

7. Fresh Out The Slammer - Angel gets out of his contract with Valentino, and goes immediately to Husk and tries to strike a deal with him so no one but Husk can have his soul. He can agree or not, but there's probably a lot of flashbacks and parallels to how Val treated him compared to how Husk is treating him.

9. Guilty As Sin? - This one is honestly my favourite, since it's super soft, it's just straight HuskerDust fluff. Angel hasn't had a soft, pure love in a while, but he doesn't want to mess up his friendship with Husk, and he genuinely feels like he's sinning or doing something wrong wanting something like that with him because Husk (in Angel's eyes) makes it clear he and Angel are just friends but Husk is also in love with Angel but doesn't want to feel like he's forcing him into anything and I feel like this could end in very, very soft, fluffy, hand holding, tooth rotting smut because this song does have pretty unsubtle references to getting off in it so I just feel like this plot should be SOME level of smutty, even if it's just Angel by himself thinking of Husk.

10. WAOLOM? - This has big, big Blitzø energy and I can't really place why but it does (I think it's because of the circus line?) and he is canonically just a mess and just keeps it under wraps aside from a few seconds around Stolas and Loona (and maybe someone else I'm forgetting) but just- Yeah! I also thought of this thing where he accidentally bit a kid that jumped in the ring when Blitzø was first performing and it scared him, so they treated him like a dangerous animal and actually ripped out all his teeth because his dad is obviously not interested him, he rented Blitzø with for a slim fit condom and a wadded up $5 and just it just angsty and Blitzø is very much having a whole breakdown.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - ValAngel, but it's just the fluffy, honeymoon stage where Val is just a little bit Val, but he's not bad bad, he's just a man at that point, and the people who know how Valentino actually is are trying to warn Anthony how he actually is and Anthony just doesn't listen, and Val being manipulative obviously "cleans up" his act so Anthony thinks he actually fixed him, and gets suckered into the contract, and then the "Woah, maybe I can't" moment hits and it hits HARD.

12. loml - Angel looks back into the honeymoon phase he had with Valentino, and it falls into a toxic loop of them getting back together, having another honeymoon phase, Angel falling hard again, and then Val fucks up again and it goes over and over, and I imagine it FINALLY ends for the final time when Angel moves into the hotel and Val's treating Angel as solely a toy now and Angel's hurting because "You said I'm the love of your life/About a million time" and it gets ANGSTY

13. ICDIWABH - Honestly, this is pretty much just poison with different words, but I would love to see people's take on it!!

14. TSMWEL - I imagine this as sort of Angel's thought process if Valentino ever finally replaces him as his favourite, because while Angel would be really happy he isn't the main target now, he would also be confused and hurt, because he was Val's display piece ("You hung me on your wall/Stabbed me with your push pins/In public, showed me off/Then sank in stoned oblivion) or honestly it could be that Val is giving Vox all his attention since those two are a situationship and Val "breaks up" with Angel and I know these are two separate plots but my brain is full on stream of conscience typing here.

15. The Alchemy - HUSKERDUST FLUFF AGAIN!! But also a bit of angst, I imagine Angel checks himself into an actual, professional rehab center at Charlie's recommendation since I imagine most rehab centers have a way you can safely wean off the drugs instead of going cold turkey and Angel is there a WHILE, and then when he gets back to the hotel, he still has the same feelings for Husk and they just have this chemistry and it gets all soft and sweet, Husk immediately runs from behind the bar to Angel and just!! It's just fluffy and cute and Husk is so proud of Angel!!

16. Clara Bow - Another one where Angel is free from Valentino, and it has a bit of a messy timeline, since it's basically Angel slowly separating himself from being a pornstar and regaining who he was before with his friend's help and there's three sections "You look like Clara Bow", "You look like Stevie Nicks", "You look like Taylor Swift" and I know this isn't REALLY the plot of the song, but the three things are all spaced out and I imagine the last one is maybe a hundred or so years after Angel's quit and someone comes up to him and says something, "You look like Angel Dust" and yeah!! Alternatively, those three sections could be different people trying to pull Angel back into bad deals since he is a big, recognizable star and it's closer to the line of the song about being "The next big thing" and all that and yeah!! Take it as you will.

17. The Black Dog - Angel doesn't sign Val's contract, so Val kicks him out. They never really got out of the honeymoon phase due to this, so Angel's taking it harder than he would in any other situation, and Angel sees Val around hell with other girls, and he's just hoping that no one Val sees will be as good as him and Angel is just so jealous and it's angsty and Angel probably does a lot of self destruction-

18. imgonnagetyouback - Huskerdust break up fic, but they aren't really broken up, they had a bad fight or something so they're avoiding each other and Angel's fallen back into his old ways of ABSOLUTELY destroying Husk's boundaries, dressing slutty as hell around him, the works. Husk eventually forces Angel to sit the fuck down and they talk out their problems. Husk also extends the break because of Angel's bullshittery before, but it has a happy ending (or they could fully break up because of Angel's toxic, clingy bullshit, either way!!)

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - Stolblitz!! Basically, this is from Stolas POV after Blitzø calls off their deal or just stops seeing him outside of "transactional" reasons and Stolas is just pouring his heart out into a journal that Blitzø will never see, there's tear stains on the pages, and Stolas probably has Blitzø's location because of the grimoire so he knows he's going out to places with other people and it's just angsty and sad (I actually on really on the fence about this ship, I feel like they work better as FWB's, if that?? I dunno yet!!)

21. How Did It End? - I'm imaging after human AU, since Husk and Angel were around at the same time, and they get close since I seen another post point out the mafia was probably in LA a lot, so after Anthony got away from the mafia, he moved to go be with Husk, his family did NOT like that, ended up tracking down Anthony and killing him in front of Husk for betraying the family name and running off to be with some queer you know how that time was and they only let Husk live because NOW he has to continue his life knowing he was inadvertently the reason Anthony was killed, and of course Husk goes on to live his life, getting married, having kids, telling them about Anthony. And then they meet again in hell years later, and neither of them recognize the other, or maybe they do! Maybe there's just some little quirk, you can pick the ending!!

22. So High School - Huskerdust acting like love struck teenagers and sneaking around hiding their relationship from everyone in the hotel, making out on the bar, secret hand holding under blankets during movie night, literally just acting like high school sweethearts!! This is probably work for any ship, but Huskerdust really hits because Angel is truly in love for the first time in a while and so is Husk so they both just are all soft and awkward and it's just cute!!

23. I Hate It Here - Angel tells Husk about where his thoughts wander to when he's dissociating, and Husk listens, as a bartender should. Angel also gets too drunk and lets everything slip he'd never told anyone else, and Husk is just being Husk! Take that as you will.

25. I Look In People's Windows - More Stolblitz, but this time Blitzø actually cares about Stolas, but Stolas can't see Blitzø anymore because he has to make things work being royal and all that and so Blitzø never sees Stolas anymore and has had to disband I.M.P because the grimoire obviously went with Stolas, but Blitzø is still searching for Stolas because he just wants to talk to him, even if it's just one last time.

26. The Prophecy - This is honestly just a standard Overlord Husk fic where Angel asks Husk to win his soul from Valentino, but it could be a twist where Valentino wins and ends up with Husk's soul, and Angel is just horrified because he caused this and is begging whatever power in out there to turn back time but of course, things can't be undone and what's done is done. And of course, Val probably keeps Angel and Husk as far apart as possible, just to be a fucking dick.

28. Peter - Huskerdust childhood friends AU, probably also human AU!! They make a promise to each other that when they get older, they were going to help each other out of their respective bad situations, but the situations get worse after they separate, and Anthony ends up dying before they ever see each other again. Husk, of course, doesn't know that Anthony's dead, so he spends the rest of his life trying to find him, only to meet him again in hell and he finds out that's he's Angel now, and Husk feels so bad because he had made a promise years ago to get Anthony out of bad situations and he broke it without even knowing it and it gets so soft with Angel just reassuring him and Husk is just sobbing and it's just aaaaa!!

31. The Manuscript - From Molly's POV after Anthony dies. I imagine she went a little mad after that, since they were close, so she didn't know what to do with herself so she went and got herself into a not so good relationship, ended up pregnant, so she was forced to marry him, they ended up splitting, she went back to live with her family, and she just kept getting into relationship after relationship and her life keeps spiraling until she feels like it isn't her life anymore and I'm pretty sure she's Catholic so she goes to the confessional and confesses everything, goes home and digs out all the letters Anthony had written her when he was still alive, and I'm going to leave the ending open and vague since the way I thought was a bit triggering but yeah-

If you read this far, uh....hi?? If you have any plots you wanna share, feel free to put them in the reblogs or comments or whatever, I've just been thinking a lot and I'm probably not gonna write any of this, so I figured that maybe someone would wanna use these plots??

[nbrook29]

Kiss or Slap part 2

part 1

Robbe stands in front of the mirror, eyes critical as he assesses the forest green shirt, plucking at the collar that’s digging uncomfortably into his neck. It’s not like the shirt is ugly; the problem is that it’s not and that it looks a bit too formal. But then again, Robbe wouldn’t know for sure since he’s never been on a real date before. He’s feeling a bit helpless in that area, to be honest.

He has a half a mind to text the boys and ask for advice, but just as the thought passes his brain he scoffs because it’s just silly; the only thing he would gain from doing that would be merciless teasing for weeks on end. Thanks, but no thanks.

Sighing, he glances in the direction of the hall, debating with himself whether asking for Zoe’s opinion is the right option here, but deep down he knows that otherwise, he’s gonna be standing i front of that mirror agonizing over his appearance for the next twenty minutes if someone doesn’t talk some sense into him.

The way Zoe’s eyes widen in surprise when he enters her room lets him know that yes, he is overdressed. 

“Too much?” He scrunches up his face, feeling a bit self-conscious.

“Well, I mean... you look really nice, but, um, maybe go for a t-shirt instead?” Zoe suggests, looking almost apologetic. Robbe hovers in the threshold, still not totally convinced.

“Yeah?” 

“You clearly feel uncomfortable in that, plus he’s not taking you to an expensive restaurant or something so I think you should just go for chill,” she pauses, trying to remember something. “That pink t-shirt you have? You look really cute in it! You should wear that.”

“I don’t wanna look cute, Zoe, I wanna look hot,” Robbe blurts out, pink blooming on his cheeks when Zoe coos at him in that annoying way she always does and he immediately covers his face. “Stop.”

She giggles at his embarrassment, patting his arm consolingly as she pretends to give him a once over. “You do look hot, no matter what shirt you’re wearing.”

“Yuck, that sounds weird coming from you.” Robbe fake-gags and gets a smack on his chest. “I’m outta here, thanks.” Before he manages to close the door, Zoe catches his arm and shoots him a comforting smile.

“And calm down. He’s already into you, he won’t care what you’re wearing, Robbe.”

It’s easier said than done. Ever since he woke up, he’s been a giddy, anxious, yet excited mess, butterflies flying rampant in his stomach, fingers drumming absent-mindedly on the nearest surface, and he’s-

Well.

He’s been kinda freaking out.

Somehow (he has no idea how), he managed to keep his cool during that faithful afternoon a week ago when a boy came up to him with a dumb YouTube challenge, he’d even call himself flirty and bold. 

He’s not so sure he’ll be able to provide a repeat performance tonight. Not with that particular charming smile directed at him, almost making him whimper because no one should have the right to be that handsome. At the time, the infatuation was laced with disappointment and anger so Robbe guesses that’s what helped him keep his cool.

Only to melt into a pile of goo minutes later when Sander’s cheeks flushed red in embarrassment over what popped on his phone screen.

Bambie eyes

Robbe smiles at the memory, trying to keep it small and not look like a psychopath that’s grinning to himself for no reason. It proves to be difficult though, those damn butterflies not easing out when an image of Sander combing his fingers through his longish bleached strands pops into his mind, uninvited, but oh so welcome if Robbe’s being honest.

Back in his bedroom, he fishes out the pink t-shirt from the drawer, sending a thank you to the past Robbe who finally did his laundry last Wednesday. His comfort level is up immediately after he takes the green shirt off and pulls the pink one over his head; the material doesn’t dig in anywhere, and it’s just... him. He doesn’t feel like a clown anymore. 

A quick look at his watch and he curses under his breath. If he doesn’t want to be late, he needs to leave in five minutes tops. It’s probably better this way since it means less time for freaking out. Once he sprays a bit of cologne on his clothes and grabs his wallet, he gives himself one last look in the mirror, fingers attempting to tame his curls at least a little, but it proves to be a lost cause. As usual. His hair just has a mind of its own. He doesn’t let himself obsess too much about it though, and as he closes the door behind the flatshare his mind wanders to two weekends ago, the corners of his lips twitching on their own.

  “You look like an angel with those curls. I should get you a halo or s’mthing.”

He’s in his personal space all of a sudden and as Sander’s breath grazes his face, Robbe’s own breath stutters, but the freakout has no time to breakthrough on his features because Sander’s eyes swivel up, glazed with alcohol as he tugs gently at one of the brown strands.

“I really like ‘em, you know? They’re so... silky. And pretty.” A lightbulb goes on in his head, his lips widening in a smile. “You’re so pretty.”

 Drunken confessions never really seemed particularly sweet to him, but with Sander gazing at him like he hung the moon and the stars, his jaw slightly open as if in wonder, it was difficult for Robbe to feel anything else than fondness, heart fluttering in his chest, so enamoured with the boy with white hair that it would have blushed if it could.

That white hair and green eyes have been the main stars of his dreams ever since.

Okay. That’s not entirely true. There were glimpses before that. After all, Sander had been the first thing he noticed at the Academie. But at the time, he had only been his looks to Robbe, golden skin and intriguing smirks, face scattered with moles and legs for days. 

And lips. Lips that looked soft like a rose petal.

He had dreamed about those lips a lot then.

He still can’t believe his brain holds the memory of kissing them with his own. 

Again. Peak boldness for him.

And yet, he’s so nervous now, walking fast-paced to the nearest tram stop, praying his chaotic energy won’t make him look like an idiot once he’s faced with Sander again. His only saving grace, the only reason the full on freakout seems to be kept at bay is the reminder that even though Sander is way out of his league, he’s also a bit of a dork, and that honestly makes Robbe feel better. 

He’s a hot dork though.

But a dork nonetheless.

Deep down Robbe hopes he’s gonna become his dork. 

The city passes behind the window in a whirlwind of colors, creating the perfect background for him to get lost in his thoughts, daydreaming to the sounds of the playlist crafted specifically for him, courtesy of Sander. As Bowie sings about absolute beginners, a notification ping pulls him back from his musings, lips smiling on their own when he sees Sander posted a photo.

And what a photo it is, fuck.

A part of his face, edges smudged with shadows leaving only his eye in focus, dark eyebrow curtained a little with wet bleached strands, everything in black and white aesthetics because Sander rarely does colors, Robbe came to find out. 

  With eyes completely open

But nervous all the same

 He wonders if the lyrics relate to their date or it’s just his wishful thinking.

Quick fingers like the photo and then take a screenshot of his own Spotify to send it to him. Robbe doesn’t have to wait long for the reply, a string of “🤯” blowing up his phone followed by “I’m so proud 🤧”, which again confirms that Sander is, indeed, a dork. 

Robbe shoots him a “😂” and scrolls up a bit to check the address again.

 Robbe: I watched the video

Robbe: It was cool 😎 

Sander: Oh yeah? 

Robbe: But somebody cut me out of it 🤔🙄 

Sander: I told them to, it was too personal 😌 

Robbe: Oh 🙃 

Sander: + You're too pretty for our dumb videos 🤷🏼‍♂️ 

Robbe: 🙈 stop 

Sander: You are 🤷🏼‍♂️

Robbe: You're making me blush 🙊 

Sander: Well good, you're cute when your cheeks are all pink 😏 

Robbe: 🤪 

Sander: But you're always cute so 🤷🏼‍♂️

Robbe: Okay stop haha 

Sander: 😎 

Robbe: Thank you tho 😊 

Sander: You're welcome x

Sander: Now go to sleep, I need you to be rested for tomorrow! 

Robbe: Tell me where we're going 🥺 

Sander: Nope 

Robbe: Please 🥺 

Sander: Nope 😌 

Robbe: How should I know you're not gonna kidnap me or sth 🤔 

Sander: Robin! I would never! 😟😟 

Robbe: Robin? 

Sander: Yeah

Sander: You like it? :) 

Robbe: I think so :)

Sander: Good 😌

Sander: Oranje Street, that's all you need to know 

Sander: Goodnight Bambi Robin 🦌😏 

Robbe: Shdjskahaggfdsk 🙈🙈 

Sander: Hehe

Sander: 😚 

Robbe: 😊

 The Robin part pulls another involuntary grin out of him again, the jitters in his stomach intensifying, but now they’re more anticipatory than nervous. He checks his hair in his selfie camera, running a hand through it to mess it up a little just when his stop comes. 

The neighborhood is busy with the Friday rush and he has trouble finding white hair in the crowd from where he’s leaning on the lantern. Swaying awkwardly he keeps looking around, feeling his stress levels raising with each second and telling himself to get a fucking grip. 

“Hey, Robin.”

His poor heart just can’t catch a break today. 

Jumping a foot above the ground before swiveling around to smack Sander’s chest, the first thing he sees is his toothy grin, face smug at almost giving Robbe a heart attack.

“Asshole.” His grumble is all for show, the corners of his mouth pulling up when Sander presses a soft hello kiss to his cheek.

“Sorry, didn’t wanna scare you.” He could win awards for least sincere apologies ever, but Robbe would lie to himself if he said he didn’t find his playfulness attractive. Also, he’s still trying to get his heartbeat under control that has less to do with actual scare and more with the warm breath grazing his ear and the fanthom feel of lips on his cheek.

“Sure you didn’t.”

Sander chuckles at his deadpan face that lets him know Robbe knows he’s full of shit. Raising his arms in capitulation, he says another sorry before giving him a not so subtle once over, his features softening.

“You look really pretty.” 

His voice sounds uncharacteristically shy, Robbe notices, and he keeps biting his lip nervously. This sudden shyness looks exceptionally endearing on him.

Eyeing his t-shirt critically, he cocks his brow at Sander, hand scratching his head in a self-conscious move. “Thank you. It’s nothing special though.”

“Then I guess it’s just you,” Sander replies, shrugging matter-of-factly, and keeps giving him that charming smile that weakens Robbe’s knees. 

But he still rolls his eyes on him, snorting as he mutters “smooth” to which Sander pretends to hold his chest dramatically, swearing it’s not a line and that he’s being honest.

“Okay, okay, let’s say I believe you,” Robbe gives in after being defeated with a strong case of puppy eyes. “Now come on, tell me where we’re going.”

The faux-serious expression on Sander’s face melts into a full of promise smirk. “Prepare to be mind blown!”

And then he takes off, firing a wink over his shoulder at Robbe who’s gaping at him, flabbergasted. This mixture of confidence and shyness taking turns emanating from Sander has a peculiar effect on him, making him follow the boy without another question. He’s intrigued, curious to find out what’s underneath this cockiness that Robbe has a feeling is all for show, a cover up, but for what he has no clue. 

They fall into an easy conversation on the way to their destination, interrupted with a string of Robbe’s guesses as to what that destination is and Sander shooting him down everytime, his smile getting fonder with each pout directed at him. So far it’s been way less awkward than Robbe feared, familiar almost, safe, melting away the anxious lump in his stomach. The good-natured teasing reminding Robbe of his relationship with Zoe or Milan, only the furtive yet lingering glances they keep shooting at each other when they think the other is not looking the sign of this being more than just a friendly hangout.

“Any plans for the Eenvoud sequel?” They’re crossing the street when Sander asks the question, tongue in cheek, which makes Robbe scowl in disdain. Even though internally he’s pleased Sander went and looked him up online. He was less pleased with the teasing that ensued a few days ago.

  Sander: I had no idea 

Robbe: ? 

Sander: That I'm going on a date with a star 

Robbe: 😂 what 

Sander: Music star 😏

Sander: Or should I say

Sander: Dance star 🤔 

Robbe: Oh fuck 

Sander: You're v e r y talented Robbe IJzermans 

Robbe: Shut uuuuuup 

Sander: 😂 

Robbe: You weren't supposed to see that 😭 

Sander: Why not? You're so cute in it 😌 

Robbe: 🙈

Robbe: Please don't hold it against me 

Sander: Never :) 

Robbe: You're gonna hold it against me aren’t u 

Sander: A bit :D 

Robbe: 🥺 

Sander: But in a loving way! 

Robbe: Guess I have to now go and find blackmail material on your channel 😌 

Sander: As if you hadn't already 😏 

Omg you're so full of yourself 🙄 

Sander: 😛 

Robbe: Should I be expecting hoards of fans throwing themselves at you when we're out? 

Sander: Haha no

Sander: Maybe a few ;) 

Robbe: Great, now I'm even more nervous :( 

Sander: Why are you nervous? 🥺

Sander: Are you nervous about our date?  

Robbe: Well um 

Robbe: A bit? 

Sander: I'm nervous too

Sander: But that's because I wanted to go out with you since I saw you on campus the first day

Robbe: I wanted that too

Sander: Oh 😌

Robbe: Yeah :)

 “Fuck off,” he barks out a laugh, shoving him without much force once they’re back on the sidewalk. Sander pretends to be offended with the attack, huffing and shaking his head, but then bumps him with his hip all the same, smug when Robbe splutters in indignance in turn.

“Keep this up and I’m gonna rethink my forgiveness.” Robbe’s tone is lofty, even if his eyes scream he’s just teasing, an attempt to rile Sander up. 

The boy’s eyes widen comically, hand flying to his chest. “You wouldn’t do that to me, Robin.” 

There’s that nickname again, making his breath catch again, and the only response he can manage now is a flirty smile, or at least something that is supposed to look like it. 

The afternoon heat subsides on their way to Sander’s mysterious place, but Robbe’s still glad he left that green long-sleeved shirt at home when they slow down and Sander turns to him with an expectant look.

“Carnival?”

“I didn’t remember you giving me your number, but I did remember your preaching about cotton candy being the superior junk food,” Sander rushes with an explanation like he feels his choice needs a proper justification. “And it just so happened that a carnival came to Antwerp this weekend. I thought it was a sign?” He scratches his nose, his stance a little unsure as he awaits Robbe’s reaction.

His eyes grow bigger with each passing second until Robbe beams at him and tells him how much he likes the idea. Sander lets out a loud phew, face relieved when they enter the area. The place is packed, but that’s okay because Robbe loves the vibe and how close Sander keeps walking next to him because of it. The loud music is not the best for talking, but they soon find other things to do, marching from booth to booth, getting drinks and trying out silly games, the teasing competitiveness quickly coming out. Sander really wants to win a plushie for him, but he fails spectacularly, his sulking remedied only by a kiss on his cheek. 

Robbe eats his weight in cotton candy, childlike joy on his face while Sander watches amused and keeps calling him cute. The Ferris Wheel was supposed to be their next stop, but when it turns out it's out of service, Sander shoots him a desperate look, apologizing for this lame outcome like it's his fault. But Robbe is having so much fun he barely cares they lost their chance at a kiss on the top, knows the night's still young and they'll get their chance somewhere else.

They try out a few other things, laughing and having a great time together before Sander gets weirdly quiet.

"Do you, um, do you think we can go sit down for a bit? To talk?" Sander keeps avoiding his eyes as he asks, but Robbe doesn't miss the flicker of vulnerability in his face, and he feels his heart jump in his chest. He's a bit taken aback at this gear change, but Sander's clearly bothered with something and he wants to be there for him so he just hums and follows him to the bench outside.

"There's something you need to know."

Robbe steals himself for the worst, muscles tensing as he holds his breath.

“I’m bipolar,” Sander finally blurts out, and Robbe’s heart breaks for the insecurity in his eyes, eyes that are now darting all over his own face, trying to be furtive, yet clearly assessing his reaction. “I just-, I want to be straight with you from the get go cause I feel like this may be going somewhere and I don’t want to lie, or, omit anything.” He pauses, frowning a little as he looks down, and something awfully similar to a broken heart shadows his features. “I don’t ever want to keep it a secret anymore.”

Robbe doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue, but Sander misinterprets the silence.

“It’s, um, it’s okay if you don’t wanna get involved with me now or something, I get it, I’m a lot to handle.” Scratching his head awkwardly, his lips morph into a wistful smile, and Robbe knows he needs to put a stop to these thoughts.

“Hey,” he starts softly, waiting until Sander’s ready to direct his eyes back on him. When he does, he shoots a smile at him of his own, but there’s nothing wistful about it. If it matches what he feels, Robbe’s quite sure it’s close to adoration, actually. “Thank you for telling me.” Sander takes a deep breath, sitting straight as if he’s preparing for a rejection. “My mom has schizophrenia, you know?”

Green eyes blink up at him. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Robbe lets his smile widen. “And she’s an amazing mom. She just-, struggles sometimes, and there are days that are really shit days. But I can’t imagine her not being here. Because she’s amazing. And I love her. With or without a mental illness.” He presses his thigh against Sander’s, trying to ease his nervousness as he continues. “I still want to give us a shot. Cause, um, I think that, um, well, you’re really hot, I mean cool, I meant cool, well...” Why does he have to be so awkward? He peaks at Sander after his unfortunate little slip and feels his cheeks flush under his small grin. 

“You think I’m hot?”

Robbe whines in protest because now Sander’s just being a little shit, torturing him even though he knows exactly what his stammering means. 

He hides his face in his hands. “Obviously, since I’m on a date with you, smartass.” 

“It’s always nice to hear.” Sander nudges their shoulders and it makes Robbe look up, just in time for a wink. “Especially from a cutie like you.” He holds his gaze, a small smile playing on his lips, and as Robbe gets drowned in his green eyes, distracted, Sander lifts his hand to push a few locks away from his forehead. The brief contact of his fingertips with Robbe’s skin is enough to raise goosebumps on his skin, and he really hopes Sander didn’t notice, that he doesn’t know how gone he is for him already.

He already mourns the lack of contact when Sander pulls away, something akin to shyness on his face now as he’s fiddling with his fingers, and it’s comforting to see he’s not the only one around here being affected.

It’s what gives him the guts to do what he does next, without second-guessing himself again into a spiral. He gets up off the bench and takes Sander’s hand in his own, their fingers tangling right away like it’s their second nature, and nods in the direction of the sidewalk.

“Come on, I’ll show you my favorite spot around here.”

The initial surprise at Robbe’s bold move is quickly replaced with a beaming smile as Sander squeezes his hand gently and gets up too, laughing when Robbe bumps their shoulders teasingly because hey, he’s still a teenage boy and sometimes likes to act like it. Also, he needs to do something to distract himself from the fact that he’s holding Sander’s hand. The fact he can feel a thumb softly grazing his knuckles, almost absent-mindedly, does not help. He'd think their playfulness and cheek kisses would make it all easier for him, and yet here he is.

He’s feeling carefree and drunk on his feelings and this evening and Sander’s smile and when they get close to the spot, Robbe sets his hand free and jogs over to the small ice cream booth, turning around to do a small “taa-daa!” with a big grin. Sander’s laugh at his shenanigans is music to his ears and he loves how the previous frown is now officially gone from his face, features softening instead, eyes twinkling as he calls Robbe a dork, entwining their hands anew the second he’s in his close proximity. Robbe scoots even closer, like an invisible magnet is pulling them together, getting lost in his presence, the smell of his aftershave that carries notes of citrus and something woodsy, masculine, combined with the intoxicating scent of Sander’s leather jacket. The air changes around them, gets charged with tension, Sander’s face changes too, green eyes darting to Robbe’s lips that get dry under attention, and he licks them subconsciously. Just when Tiana Major9’s voice coming from the booth speaker sings when they collide, it’s a beautiful disaster, their faces tilt towards each other, Sander’s hand reaching up as if to cup Robbe’s cheek.

Robbe barely contains his whine when a loud crash from the booth ruins the moment, catching the same frustration on Sander’s face in the corner of his eye. The loaded silence is buzzing in his ears, nerves picking up and he feels awkward again, not sure whether he should just go for it or wait for a better moment. 

Sander’s chuckle brings him back from his overthinking, smiles crookedly down at him. “Come on, you gotta tell me your favorite flavor.”

His tone is light like the almost-kiss didn’t happen, but the subtle pink at the high of his cheeks gives him away. It looks like the world’s most exquisite blush, blended perfectly with the shade of his skin that has already been painted light golden with the early summer sun rays. It distracts him for a moment, his gaze stuck as his eyes wander slowly from one mole to another, lingering on his lips that are just as inviting as they were a few seconds ago, tempting Robbe to make that move, but then he feels Sander taking his hand again, this time interlacing their fingers and pulling him out of his trance.

Robbe is a vanilla guy and he can see the joke at the hip of Sander’s tongue, but thankfully, the boy refrains from the comment, the huge eyeroll he receives probably stopping him in his tracks, and he only gnaws on his lip, trying to keep the laughter in. He goes for mango, which yuck. Sander doesn’t appreciate his reaction, and they easily slip in the previous banter, ending with him smearing a bit of the ice cream on Robbe’s cheek, lips sucked in as he giggles quietly at his scandalized face.

“You’re such a fucker!” He immediately gets him back for that and they’re close to full on ice cream fight until Sander yells truce, hands protecting his face from the onslaught of Robbe’s sticky hands. Robbe smiles triumphantly at his capitulation, and goes back to licking away at what’s left of his treat.

“It kinda fits you.”

They’ve been strolling along the river for a while now, the full moon shining its light on the side of Sander’s face, making his hair look icy white.

“What?

“The mango flavor.”

Sander furrows his brows in question, waiting for an explanation. Robbe shrugs a little, eyes tracing the soft ripples on the water as he tries to find the right words.

“Mangos have a hard peel, but have a soft inside.”

“Sooo, you’re saying I’m… mushy?” Sander wrinkles his nose at his words and it’s a truly adorable sight.

“No, I’m saying you can seem, um, intimidating and unapproachable, unattainable.” His eyebrows furrow more with each adjective. “But once you get to the inside, so once someone gets to know you, you’re none of these things,” Robbe pauses, swaying their joined hands a little as he peeks at Sander’s face. “You’re nice and sweet and stuff. Even with your edgy black and white aesthetics,” he adds as the second-thought, grinning when he gets a deadpan look in return. It quickly morphs into something softer, beautifully confirming Robbe’s words.

“Okay, let’s say I’m a mango man. In that case, you’re a cutie pie,” Sander says matter-of-factly, always needing to have the last word, and Robbe can only laugh helplessly, trying not to combust under his intense glance. “Also, my black and white aesthetics are amazing, by the way.”

Robbe doesn't dare to argue with that, and he also agrees with the statement so he admits as much, making Sander very pleased. 

They walk way into late hours of the evening, huddling closer together with each passing hour in search of warmth against the coldness of the night, or at least that serves as the main excuse. Sander has him bursting in fits of giggles sharing crazy stories from his shopping assistant job and Robbe finds himself opening up about his videotaping passion, a little shy when knowing about Sander's photography skills, but the boy's eyes shine bright when Robbe mentions it, and he's so attentive and interested in everything he has to say on the topic, of the small details he geeks out about that it makes fuzzy feelings swim rampant in his stomach; it's the kind of attention he's been unknowingly yearning for, and here it is, served on a golden plate and in a package so beautiful it makes him swoon.

And he also walks him home, acting all gentlemanly and offering his jacket when the shivers shake Robbe's body a bit. What a catch.

“So, um,” Sander starts as they reach the front door of Robbe’s apartment building, his face mostly covered in shadows cast by the street lanterns. “Kiss or slap?”

The answer to the question is obvious for both of them, but Robbe can’t stop himself from teasing him a bit, scrunching up his face in a deep thought, eyebrows frowned, making Sander scoff impatiently, which is exactly the reaction he was hoping for.

Still, he needs to push him a bit more. “Hmm, I’m not sure. I should probably go with the slap for that ice cream incident.” Sander plays along, heaving a regretful sigh, before turning those pretty eyes on him, lips in a pout and hands put together in a praying motion.

“A kiss?” Bottom lip juts out and he’s just too cute for words, Robbe dropping his facade immediately, not stopping his beaming smile anymore.

He also can't fucking wait any longer.

“Okay, I gue-”

Soft lips crash into his, not letting him finish the sentence, Robbe’s clumsiness almost making him topple over, but Sander’s there to catch him, sure hands squeezing his hips and sending small shocks through his body. He rests his hand on the back of Sander’s neck, giving in to the need to bury his fingers in that messy blond hair, and he tugs, just a little, but it’s enough for Sander to sigh into his mouth and pull him closer. Robbe loves the reaction, whimpers quietly as he parts his lips just right for Sander’s tongue to slip inside, to tease at the soft skin inside of Robbe’s bottom lip. It’s all over after that, the kiss morphing from something soft and sweet to tongues sliding together, teeth clinking almost painfully in their desperation, the kiss tasting of mango ice cream and cotton candy, and it’s the best Robbe has ever tasted.

It’s better than he imagined, Sander’s hands caressing his sides as he slows down the kiss so sweet and tender, it pulls at every single one of his heartstrings. He can’t believe he has this wonder of a boy in his arms, kissing him so good, making him dizzy.

The kiss stops eventually, but they stay put, as close as before, the tips of their noses grazing against each other, warm breaths and fluttering lashes, fingernails scratching at the skin that’s covered in goosebumps.

“I have to go,” Robbe murmurs between the miniscule space between them, giggling quietly at the immediate frown his words cause.

“Nooooo.” Sander hides his face in his flushed neck, pressing a kiss there too because why not. “I need more kisses.”

And who is Robbe to tell him no, he goes willingly when Sander lifts his chin up for another one, his mouth a little puffy now. He lets him have it, not that it’s any hardship; he’d stay here all night, just lazily sliding their lips together in a never ending dance.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Sander asks when they break apart. “I’d like to introduce you to someone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You know, he’s very important to me, has been in my life for years so his opinion kinda matters a lot.”

His words take Robbe aback, but he tries not to show his discomfort, even though Sander must have felt how tense his body went. He doesn’t seem to find it weird, his face still smiling as he keeps talking about this he that’s apparently so important.

“I hope he’ll like you. He’s perfect, you know?” Actually, Robbe does not know and he’s getting kinda annoyed. He’s pretty sure waxing lyrical about someone else on a date is a faux pas. “I mean, except for leaving fur on anything he touches.”

What.

Robbe’s eyes swivel up to look at him, the corners of Sander’s lips twitching and his face a picture perfect of impishness. He groans in protest, smacking his chest because Sander did it on purpose to pull a reaction out of him and it’s not fair, damn it. He crosses his arms which proves difficult to do when there are still hands firmly holding his hips, keeping him close.

Sander rests their forehead together, swaying them a little to put a smile on Robbe’s grumpy face. “He’s a Norwegian Forest breed and his name is Major Tom.”

And this time it’s Robbe who has a hard time to keep his giggle in because oh my god, what a nerd.

“I wonder where that came from,” he ponders in a voice as serious as he can manage, but Sander sees right through him, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“It’s the bestest name ever, I’ll have you know.”

He gets shut up with another kiss, last one, the sweetest out of all of them. Then, Robbe steps out of his embrace, not trusting himself to end this when Sander's hands are touching any part of his body, and tells him a quiet goodnight, backing into the front door with Sander's soft sleep well ringing in his ears and a huge smile threatening to spread on his face.

Sander: May your dreams be filled with cotton candy 🍬🍭

It only takes a minute for his phone to ping.

And maybe some mangos too 🥭

Robbe: Just need one 😘

White-haired mangos 😘

Goodnight ❤️

[hammeredalcoholic]

my only friend

kira yoshikage / reader ;

rating: mature, no 18+ content yet ; kira & reader are portrayed as 18 years old

hey my fellow gamers, i realized that i did not post this on tumblr yet. here is chapter 1 to this fic! it’s also cross posted on ao3 here.

here is a spotify playlist to go with this fic.

"believe the lies that people tell you you've lost your battle and vines and tiny thorns inside your wound,"

Kira made a mistake. He came to you, begging for you to run away with him.

You did.

chapter 2

The stars glittered against the deep blue of the night sky, reflecting softly against the stark ocean waves that licked against the calm beach. It felt so serene-- so gentle, and still. Like time had stopped or slowed, your breath just barely ghosting over your lips. 

It was nice.

Metal pressed against your back, warmed up by your body heat, stiff and hard but yet still so soft. It felt almost too good to be true-- a beautiful night like this. No kids and families stomping all over the delicate sand, interrupting the sound of the waves crashing against rocks. 

A small sigh lifted you from your thoughts. 

Glancing over, you carefully eyed your companion. His blonde hair tousled and glowing in the moonlight-- ice blue eyes cast out against the sea. He was truly something of beauty himself, had you not known what he was really capable of. 

“What’s on your mind?” The words fell from your mouth without a second thought, almost dropping to a whisper. He shook his head lightly, his eyes being torn away from the water to look at you. 

Such a pretty shade of blue. Pale and glistening-- like a fresh dew on the first day of spring. 

A light drizzle against hard asphalt, pooling and shining-- only to be gone in a second’s notice.

“Just-- A lot on my mind.” Ah, so it’s like that.

Yoshikage never dared to tell you what he was thinking upfront. He didn’t want to seem-- vulnerable? Is that the right word? Weak. Docile. Bound to break. It didn’t seem fair. You were always so-- Strong. Incredible. Someone to look up to. Someone who could clean up his mess.

Sighing softly in response, you leaned back against the cool glass of the windshield. Shuffling through your pocket, you pulled out some cigarettes and a lighter you had managed to pick up from the corner store, thanks to Killer Queen. 

Carefully snatching one out of the pack, you quickly lit it and took a long drag. The smoke filled your lungs, heavy and harsh, causing a small shiver to run down your spine. Nicotine was the best way to end a long day. 

“Those are awful for you.” Yoshikage’s words drifted to your ears, and you blew the smoke in his direction. He flinched and coughed, using his hand to try and maneuver the offending cloud away from him. “Hey! That was uncalled for.” 

“Don’t tell me things I already know, Yoshi.” Your tone dripped with sarcasm, and you shot him a sly grin. “Besides, can’t I have a little break once in a while?” As soon as the words left your lips, Yoshikage slumped in his spot. 

“Where are we going to stay tonight?” The question drifted to your ears, his voice soft and oh so gentle. You shifted your leg up to press against your chest, letting your arm wrap around it. “I dunno. I saw a motel back in town, looked decently cheap.” 

Your partner nodded his head in agreement. “Looked kinda dirty, though.” You had to hold back a laugh at his comment, bringing your cigarette up to take another drag instead. “We’ll be fine. Killer Queen can always just kill any unsavory guests we encounter.”

His eyes drifted back out to the ocean, and his hands twitched in his lap. “I can feel another urge coming on.” Blinking at his words, you let your head sit on your knee, nursing the smoke you had in between your fingers. “Think you can wait until tomorrow?” You asked calmly. 

Yoshikage nodded quickly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, pulling his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah. I could also use a hair cut.” Grinning against the fabric of your jeans, you laughed. “I’m sure we could find a barber shop. Unless you want me to do it.” 

His eyes opened wide, and he snapped his head over to you. “I’d never let you near my neck with a pair of scissors.” You laughed at his comment, shaking your head just slightly. Taking a final drag from your cigarette, you put it out against the side of the rusty car. 

“Are you ready to head that way then?” 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 

The drive to the motel was quiet, much like all of the other drives you took together. The radio softly played in the background-- some upbeat song that you couldn’t really catch the lyrics to, but it seemed like Yoshikage enjoyed it. His fingers were tapping against the passenger side door, in tune with the beat. 

You tried to remember where the motel was, only catching a glance of it earlier. It was on the main road through the town, so it wasn’t hard-- ah. There’s the sign. 

Pulling the car into the parking lot, you parked in a lane that was a decent amount away from the lobby. Yoshikage looked up from his seat, glancing at you. He knew what to do-- it was always like this. Opening the car door and stepping out, he began to slowly walk towards the building.

The air was blowing softly, causing a shiver to run across his arms. Pulling the sleeves of his sweater down, he clutched them to his chest. It was definitely a lot cooler now than it was at the beach. Reaching the door fairly quickly, he pulled it open and stepped inside the dimly lit room.

The man sitting at the counter was elderly-- heavy set, reading some sort of newspaper, his glasses practically falling off his nose. Yoshikage cleared his throat softly, moving closer to the desk. “Excuse me,” He stated quietly, “Do you have a restroom open to the public?” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Killer Queen materialized behind the man. The stand’s eyes were trained on the set of keys hung up on the wall, trying to decide which one it would take. The elderly man barely looked up from his paper, blinking slowly at Yoshikage. 

“Did you not read the sign on the door?” His voice was harsh, somewhat irritated. It made the younger boy’s nerves tingle, and his hands twitch in his sleeves. “Oh- I suppose I must have missed it,” Yoshikage answered, trying hard not to let his voice quiver. 

Killer Queen had successfully grabbed one of the keys from the hooks in the meantime-- pulling it off carefully, and holding it in it’s hand. After the task was done, it’s eyes went to a stack of magazines that were sitting on the other side of the desk. Kira mentally tried to get it to stop-- “No! Killer Queen--!” 

The magazines flew to the floor in a rush, and Queen quickly deposited the key into Kira’s pocket. The man at the desk jumped in shock, looking around for what could have possibly knocked the papers over. “Er-- I’ll just--” 

Yoshikage made quick work of turning around and leaving. He mentally scolded Killer Queen for causing a scene, before pulling out the key from his pocket. Room 312-- it must be on the other side of the motel. He can at least thank his stand for that.

Quickly sliding into the passenger seat, the blond sighed quietly. “Our room should be on the other side.” You nodded, pulling the car around the building. The parking lot was beat up, it was obvious that the back of the motel didn’t get as much work as the front would. Successfully avoiding some potholes, you managed to park the car a good distance from the rooms. 

Turning the engine off and sliding the keys out, you looked over at your companion. He still seemed to be cold-- shivering just slightly, his hands buried in the sleeves of his sweater. It was cute. “Hey, let’s hurry and get inside. You look like you could use a warm shower.”

His eyes met yours for a split second. 

They were soft-- delicate, almost. Frosty blue dancing along in the shitty light of the lamp posts. 

But there was something else there. 

An emotion-- you didn’t quite know how to describe it. 

He looked away as quickly as he had looked at you, just barely nodding his head. “Yeah,” His voice was small. “Let’s go.” With that, Yoshikage opened the door and got out, walking towards the staircase on the side of the building. 

Huffing out a breath, you just shook your head. Always so secretive-- everything must be so hidden with him. You understood that he liked privacy, maybe more than the average 18 year old boy would, but still. Weren’t you his closest friend?

His only friend?

Shuffling out of the car, you made sure that the door was locked behind you. Speeding up your pace, you managed to catch up with Kira, walking beside him in silence. At times like these, you really wondered why you let yourself get into this mess. 

You could have left Yoshikage on his own. You could have refused his plea, and stayed in Morioh. You might have actually finished high school. 

You might have had a different life. 

But no. You decided to be a good friend, and try to help him escape his consequences. Murder, your mind screamed at you, He killed someone. 

Was it worth it? 

Was it worth dropping everything to help him? 

Kira stopped walking, finally finding the door to your room. Being so deep in thought, you accidentally walked right into him, stumbling back slightly and losing your balance. Just when you thought you were about to hit the cold concrete of the floor, something caught you. 

Yoshikage was looking down at you, Killer Queen holding you against his chest. Sometimes, he really wondered about you. 

“Are you okay?” He didn’t sound angry or upset-- genuinely concerned. That snapped you out of your thoughts within seconds, looking up at him like a deer in headlights. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you.” He just shook his head, a dumb little smile playing against his lips. “C’mon. I think you could use a shower too.” 

Ah.

That’s right. 

Despite whatever crime he may have committed-- Yoshikage Kira is your friend. He has been since elementary school, playing with you and only you. He’s been the only steady companion in your life-- and for that, you’d do anything for him. 

Even if that meant dropping everything.

Fumbling with the key, the blond managed to open the door with minimal struggle. The room was small-- one king sized bed pushed to one corner, a dusty TV on an equally dusty entertainment center, and a small grimy bathroom. It definitely wasn’t any 5 star hotel-- but it would do for tonight. 

Walking in, you kicked off your shoes by the door, and flipped on the light switch. It flickered for a few moments, before finally setting the room in a hazy yellow light. Yoshikage followed behind you, kicking off his own busted chucks and shutting the door behind him. He glanced around the room, before settling on the bed. 

The one bed. 

It wasn’t much of an issue for either of you. Kira didn’t shy away from giving you physical affection-- it wasn’t uncommon for the both of you to cuddle up in the same bed after a long day of driving. It was nice, in your opinion. 

You walked over to the bed and sat down, stretching out your arms, and yawning slightly. “Do you wanna shower first? Or should I?” Yoshikage smiled at you, before moving to sit beside you. “Go ahead. I think I’ll just get up and take one in the morning.” Shaking your head at his response, you grinned. “I dunno, you kinda smell.” 

Mocking offence, Kira glared at you. “Hey! I do not!”

“Stinky boy. Fine, I’ll go shower. Find something good to watch before we go to bed, then.”

Getting up, you grabbed the remote on the TV stand and threw it towards the bed. You shed your jacket on the way to the bathroom, letting it fall to the floor with a dull thud. 

The bathroom wasn’t the cleanest you’ve seen, but at least the water in the shower ran. As the stream warmed up, you took a minute to look at yourself in the mirror. Kira mentioned something about getting a haircut at the beach, and it seemed like it wasn’t a bad idea. Less hair to have to deal with, the better.

Shedding your clothes, you stepped into the shower. The water was nice and hot, hitting your skin and letting all the stress of the day melt down your back. It was a great way to recharge, and calm yourself down before going to bed. 

Using the cheap soap that the motel provided, you washed your hair and body, revelling in the basic smell of mint and lavender. It was nice that Kira had Killer Queen-- it gave you guys the opportunity to not have to sleep in the car, as well as giving you both basic hygiene. 

You kinda wished that you could see it. A “Stand”, as he had once called it, was supposedly your embodiment of a fighting spirit. You weren’t sure where he had learned that, but you chose not to question his sources. From the way that Kira described Queen, it seemed to be a big cat. 

Almost like a sphinx, pink in color, wearing only a small blue skirt with gloves and sandals. If Yoshikage was to get any animal to be paired with, you were happy it was a cat. It mirrored him so well-- calm, quiet, with the occasional thirst for chaos. 

As you slowly got out of your thoughts, you realized that the water had started to turn cold. Quickly shutting off the shower, you stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying yourself off. Bed sounded absolutely amazing right now, and you wondered what Yoshikage had managed to find on the TV. 

Slipping on your pants and shirt, you stepped out into the room. 

Kira was laying on the bed, tucked under the covers, his button up and khakis discarded on the floor next to your jacket. Glancing at the TV, it was some form of late night sitcom, with boring characters and an uninteresting storyline. Dropping your other clothes into the pile, you walked over to the bed. 

“Want me to turn the lights off?” Yoshikage nodded his head just slightly, his eyes already dipping with sleep. “Yes, please.” 

Walking over and flipping the switch, the room was cast in darkness, aside from the low brightness coming from the TV. Moving back over, you slid under the covers, making yourself comfortable. Yoshikage practically latched onto you the second you joined him, pulling you close and settling his head against your chest.

You sighed slightly, letting a smile run along your lips. 

“Good night, Yoshi.” 

“Mmm, night.”

[lupinblacktheone]

"So, I was thinking": a modern college!AU:

Johnny is bored. He has already finished all of his crosswords; all of his friends are busy minding their own business and won't pick up their phones.

Classes won't begin until next Monday. Johnny arrived at his dorm last night and he doesn't know when his roommate will be there. All he knows about this person is his name: LaRusso, Daniel.

Wondering about this mysterious boy could set Johnny free from his boredom. Is he a nerd? Or a drama kid? Johnny hopes he won't sing all the time. Of course he likes music (who doesn't?), but musicals... he isn't ready for them yet.

It would be nice to have some common likings with him. Maybe horror movies or breakfast for dinner (well, Johnny is so broke that he eats it for all meals, basically).

Remembering the old times, which weren't good, not at all, tugs at Johnny's heartstrings. He doesn't miss arguing with his parents all the time, but he certainly liked not having to iron his clothes himself. And he misses messing around with Tommy, Jimmy, Bobby and Dutch after school.

Oh, and Karate! Johnny misses it so much that it hurts. He couldn't find a Karate club to join (is this a thing? In Johnny's opinion, it should be. There are clubs for everything in this campus. If he can't find one, he'll form one). Maybe he can practice with Daniel and he could be the second member of the Karate club.

"Hello! I'm Daniel!"

Johnny stares at the boy. He's short, dark-haired and has round brown eyes.

"Johnny", the blond boy gets up, approaches Daniel and shakes his hand. "Can I help you unpacking?"

"Please", Daniel sighs and rubs his neck. "My mother just dropped me off and turned the car around. I barely had time to say goodbye. Can you believe it? I think she wants to rent my room while I'm gone, but I don't think I'll be going home anytime soon. How about you?"

Obviously, the first thing Johnny learns about Daniel is: he's a chatterbox. Second thing: he's from Jersey. He lives with his mother and would love to learn martial arts, but her mother wouldn’t let him because she’s afraid he will get hurt.

"I know Karate", Johnny confesses with a little smile.

***

Sometimes, Johnny regrets having told Daniel about his passion for Karate, because the kid didn't stop begging Johnny for some classes until he finally gave up.

Their dorm is too small and they would destroy it sparring there, so Johnny decides to have the class outside, behind the gym. Daniel said he would meet Johnny there after dinner (and yes, Daniel also has breakfast for all meals, since he is just as broke as Johnny).

December is on the way, so Johnny is wearing as much sweaters as he can (including his Cobra Kai jacket). He leans his back against the red brick wall and puts a cigarette between his lips.

Daniel shows up some minutes later, carrying a heavy messenger bag on his shoulder and wrapped in hoodies and coats (he has lots of cool hoodies; Johnny loves to borrow them and he is using the baseball one right now).

"Ugh", Daniel puts the bag down, massaging his shoulder.

"Are you ok?", Johnny asks with a worried look on his face.

"Perfect. Let's do this."

They get on fighting positions and spar for a while. When they get tired, they walk back to their room, peacefully talking about the day.

"Let me carry this for you", Johnny picks the messenger bag, even though Daniel has already bent to pull it.

He places it over his shoulder and Daniel walks beside him, ranting about his lame Calculus professor.

"I couldn't convince Mrs. Warter to postpone the paper's due date", Johnny complains when Daniel asks about his day. "I'll be lucky if I get a C on it."

"Do you want me to help you?"

Yes, please, he almost answers. Johnny enjoys having Daniel around. They don't have many common likings besides Karate and breakfast food, but he really enjoys staying up late with him, sharing their only desk (Johnny begun to work as a cashier in a store near the campus and Daniel writes other people's assignments for money and they are saving money to improve the place) and laptops on study sessions. Or to spend rare and lazy Sundays in their room, doing crosswords (Daniel bought some magazines and gave to Johnny). Or to share breakfast meals in the middle of the night because they can't sleep.

"Are you free tonight?", he asks, his voice sounds desperate, just as his eyes.

"Is this a study session or a date?", Daniel replies jokingly and raises an eyebrow. "Sure. I can help you."

Johnny opens his laptop and shows Daniel what he's working on.

"I mean, it's not bad, but could use some adjustments here and there. Let's get to work."

Daniel presses the keyboard keys hard with strong movements that emulate a pianist, but with perfectly tied hair. His brain is formulating what should be in the text and getting rid of what shouldn't be read by Johnny's professor.

"I think we're done here", Daniel declares.

"Thanks. I'm gonna buy you a coffee tomorrow, with extra cream."

"Much appreciated", the boy winks and Johnny's heart skips a beat. "So, I was thinking..."

"What a miracle", Johnny teases, smiling to distract Daniel from his blushing ears.

"Anyway, are you going home for Christmas?"

"I don't think so. You?"

"Also no. I don't have enough money for a ticket to Parsipanny."

Daniel looks at Johnny for a moment. His blue eyes are usually shiny, but now... he's more than just sad. Johnny looks depressed and scared.

"Are you alright?", Daniel reaches for Johnny's hand. "You can talk to me. I'm here for you."

Johnny doesn't talk. Instead, he goes for a hug. A big and warm hug. He clings onto Daniel as if he was the only thing keeping him from being blown away.

He doesn't want to cry. However, he can't fight the tears anymore. Daniel holds Johnny, trying to keep him together only with his bare hands. He doesn't try to whisper comfort words in Johnny's ear, he just stays there, providing his roommate all the support he can.

That night, Johnny falls asleep in Daniel's arms. He has never felt this safe before.

The next morning, Johnny rushes to the closest cafe shop to get the nicest cup they have. He drops by the dorm to put the coffee on the desk with a note: To the best roommate ever. Thank you for everything. Love, J.

He sends the paper to Mrs. Warter as soon as he takes a seat in the computer lab for his first class, hoping Daniel's help can save his poor ass from failing Warter's class.

A few hours later, Johnny is waiting for the last class to begin so he can get to work. Not that he likes standing up by a counter telling old people where they can find raisins, plum juice and other things old people buy. But at least, he gets to listen to his music and does little pieces of homework between a client and another.

There is something Johnny can't do at the store: see Daniel. Too bad they don't take many classes together, because every time Johnny sees Daniel entering the classroom, the world changes. It becomes brighter and more beautiful. He knows it's cliché, but Johnny is tired of pretending to be the perfect son, athlete... he just wants to be Johnny.

And Johnny is brave.

"So, I was thinking...", Johnny says when Daniel sits by his side.

"That's unusual", Daniel lets out that amusement air through his nose. "What is it?"

"Do you wanna go out? With... with me?"

That is really unusual. Johnny never was this reticent before. Not even when he noticed he had a crush on Ali Mills.

“Yeah, sure. When?”

“How about Friday? My shift ends at 5:30.”

“Sounds great.”

***

Johnny spends Christmas in his dorm, with Daniel. They curl up on Johnny’s bed, wrapped in Daniel’s hoodies, solving crosswords puzzles and drinking tea while listening to Johnny’s music. Neither of them wants to talk about their families.

Growing up as an only child, Johnny never had to share his things. He wouldn’t even allow Ali to read his poetry (he wrote some about her, tho), or let his friends go through his Spotify playlist. Not because he's embarrassed to like these songs, but because the lyrics describe him so perfectly that he's not comfortable with someone listening to it in front of him.

When he met Daniel and found out they could be good friends (maybe more than that? Johnny certainly hopes so), he felt an urge to take the boy on a journey through his world. First, they shared Karate, then crossword puzzles and went on and on, discovering little things about one another.

“Huh… I couldn’t get you anything for Christmas, so I wrote you a poem. Wanna hear it?”

Daniel doesn’t say anything, just gets closer to him as Johnny clears his throat and searches his notebook for his newest composition. Once he finds it, he puts the paper in front of his eyes (he was brave enough to ask the boy out, but not to have that lovely brown eyes gazing at him while he reads his feelings out.)

“I loved it, Johnny. Now get ready for your present.”

Johnny doesn’t close his eyes when his lips are pressed by Daniel’s mouth. It feels so good that they do it again and again until they fall asleep, holding each other.

***

Graduation is almost here. Most students have moved from the dorms or plan to do it soon. Daniel and Johnny, on the other hand, haven’t mentioned the matter yet. As you can imagine, they don’t want to live with their families again. The only thing Johnny wants is to stay with Daniel and he wonders if Daniel wants the same thing.

“Hey, Danny”, it was supposed to be a nice and quiet study session before the finals, but Johnny can’t hold this down any longer. “I was thinking… do you wanna live with me?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re never getting rid of me, blondie.”

[peachymarkeu]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓾𝓮

10th floor, said the female elevator voice. I grab my huge blue suitcase and get off the elevator. As I was walking, I could hear my feet collide with the floor in every step I took. A few more steps and I arrived in front of a door colored in a very dirty white which was almost similar to the wall’s color. A few inches above my eye level I see numbers which were made with a shiny gold material. I took a deep breath as I stared at the numbers.

“127” I said in a whisper which was barely audible to anyone that would be around me.

In my hands were silver keys that were given by my parents on my 18th birthday. These keys not only unlocks the apartment but also unlocks a new chapter in my life. 

“Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you~” was the first thing I heard when on a very early morning. My parents continued to sing while holding a Saeng Cream Cake, my favorite kind of cake, which was decorated with colorful lit candles. On the cake, there were texts written in sky blue icing. It read ‘Happy 18th Birthday Yuna Love, Eomma and Appa’

“Happy Birthday my daughter!” my Appa greeted me with a huge smile.

I thanked him and gave him a hug. 

“Aigoo, my daughter is no longer a baby” my Eomma spoke as if she was about to cry.

“Eomma, don’t cry or else you're going to make me cry too” I told her in a whiny voice which made both of my parents laugh.

“Yuna get up and get ready, your Eomma and I have a surprise for you” my father told me.

I quickly got up and went to the bathroom to get ready. My phone was connected to my bluetooth speakers so I started blasting music to brighten up my day even more.

90’s Love by NCT U is now playing on Spotify

I combed my hair and brushed my teeth while dancing around and belting out lyrics from my favorite K-Pop group NCT. After doing everything that I needed to do inside the bathroom, I went outside to pick my outfit for the day.

I was throwing clothes out of my closet one by one, creating a mess in my room. Every style of clothing I put on did not satisfy me one bit. It was getting quite frustrating until I saw a yellow flowy dress with flowers printed on the bottom part of the skirt. I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror.

‘Dang girl you looking fine today’ I thought to myself as I was twirling around in my dress right in front of my mirror.

I paired my dress with white Nike Air-Force 1’s and white ankle length socks. I left my wavy brown locks as it is and put the smallest amount of makeup on.

After getting ready I head downstairs to the dining area where my parents were waiting for me patiently with smiles that looked as if they were very excited.

“Where are we going?” I asked them while pulling my chair out and taking a seat.

“It’s a secret, you’ll find out later on.” my Eomma told me which made me very curious.

We ate a lot during breakfast. My Eomma prepared all of my favorite food for breakfast. There was the kimchi fried rice which was topped with a perfect sunny side up egg, samgyeopsal with peanut sauce prepared by my Appa, and fresh fruits that we bought from the market yesterday. I ate all of my food and even ate a small slice of my cake for dessert. My stomach was so full that it would burst anytime soon.

Right after breakfast we went out and got inside my Appa’s car. He started driving in the streets of Myeongdong. While he was driving, I decided to put on my earphones and listen to more music.

0 Mile by NCT 127 is now playing on Spotify

Looking outside the window of the car,  I can see all the busy people crossing the streets wearing blazers and polo’s. I also saw street vendors fixing their items in their stalls placed at the sides of the road. Smoke was coming out of the food stalls that were selling very yummy street foods which made my mouth drool.

Shortly, I saw a sign saying we were nearing Gangnam.

“Eomma, Appa, why are we entering Gangnam?” I was very uncertain of why we were going there.

“You’ll see.” my Appa answered while he snickered. I saw my Eomma smirk at my appa too.

5 minutes later we stopped in front of an apartment building. I was still uncertain of why we were here but I still followed them inside. We entered the building's elevator and my Eomma pressed the 10th button.

“Eomma are we meeting up with someone?” I asked her but she did not reply. Instead she just looked at my Appa.

7...8...9...10… 10th floor, the female elevator voice said. We got off the elevator and proceeded to walk the halls. We arrived in front of the door which has the numbers 127 on it. My Appa took my hand and my Eomma placed a cool metal on my palms. I look at it and see 2 silver keys.

“Happy Birthday Yuna, welcome to your new apartment!” both my parents cheered happily.

‘Oh shit’ I screamed in my mind.

“You’ll be moving here in 2 weeks aren’t you excited?” my Eomma said cheerfully.

“Um-oh yeah I'm so excited...yey” I said in a very unsure voice.

I unlocked the door with the keys and entered my new home. As I entered, I saw a very spacious living room which was already furnished. It had a huge gray L shaped couch in the middle paired with a wooden coffee table. In front of it was a smart TV which had speakers on each side.

 I entered the kitchen which had a breakfast table with lights hanging above it, an induction stove and a refrigerator which was a foot taller than me. I then went to my bedroom which was designed in a modern fashion. There was a queen size bed in the middle with black and gray duvets, two night stands which were made out of wood, the lights were quite dim which made it feel very cozy.

 At the end of the room was a huge glass window where you could see a great view of the city. The bathroom was covered in gray and white marble and had  the typical shower, toilet, sink and all. 

I dropped my suitcase on the floor and proceeded to trust fall into the bed. I took a few deep breaths.

“I’ll be ok. I”ll be just fine.” I told myself.

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 14)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2525

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift; 3AM by Halsey; When The Party’s Over by Billie Eilish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up, you felt like shit, and not because of the drugs and alcohol that only recently vacated your system. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. Did you really kick Hayden out? Were you honestly that far gone? 

Yeah, he broke your heart. He wasn’t the first asshole to do it, but he did stick around. Maybe that was because he had to though.

No, you knew better. He had enough money to stay at a hotel, but he stayed with you. He cared about you. It just hurt so bad to not have him any more. You hadn’t said you loved him, not yet, but you did, you loved him with everything you had and he just… broke everything. 

 Maybe you should go apologize.

Pulling yourself out of bed, you slipped on a comfortable shirt and yoga pants before you trodded out to the guest room, Hayden’s room. You knocked on the door before poking your head in. 

Only, there was nothing there. All of his things gone. His suitcases absent. No note, no letter, not even a post-it note. 

A choked sob escaped you. You knew you kicked him out, but you gave him until the next night. He was already gone?

So much for staying. So much for caring. 

No text, no call, no letter. It seemed as if he truly did want to be gone from you. 

Fine. If that’s the way he wanted it… Wish granted. 

------------------------

Months went by and you tried to forget him, tried to turn your pain into art.

Trey worked hard to get your EP ready. You had several tracks that you wanted to feature and he did enjoy your lyrics and tune. He was happy to work with you and the other members of your band to get the sound you wanted. 

By the time the singles were released, you were already becoming a hit. You hit all of the media platforms and your work exploded, sending you soaring to the charts. You weren’t quite topping them yet, but you were definitely being demanded on the radio and your Youtube and Spotify numbers were great, rising all the time. 

As time went on though, your addiction only grew. With Hayden out of your life, the glaring reminders that you lost all your old friends, and none of your old boyfriends seemed to ever love you, there was nothing to stop you from becoming nearly dependent on the drugs and alcohol. 

You’d never been like this in your life, but you’d never been at such an odd time in your life either. On every romantic and personal front, your life was a total flop, a zero sum. But your career, your dream job was finally taking off. The world was your oyster, you were rubbing shoulders with musical big wigs, meeting huge names and musicisinas. 

Between the complete amazement you were in from being discovered and having your heart broken for the last time, you were a mental mess. 

Hayden wasn’t just another guy. Jason was just another guy, just like every ex before him. 

But Hayden, he was different. When you and Jason split up, it wasn’t the man you mourned, but the death of yet another relationship. With Hayden, you missed him, not being together. You missed the light he brought to your life. You missed the way he supported you. You missed the way you two could joke about movies together. You missed how you could act completely goofy and silly and he joined in. 

You loved him, you were in love with him, and he pulled the rug out from under you.

That was why your habit of using coke was slowly getting worse. You managed to keep your job, for a while, keep the desires away. Then you started to get where you were barely sober for that too and just when your boss mentioned it, you decided it was time to leave anyway. You put in your two weeks and left gracefully.

As soon as you were no longer tied to the hotel, Trey put you in every lounge, venue, and club he could find. You were singing all of your songs on your EP. Every night you did a show, you got off the stage, got drunk or high, or both, and then you crashed. 

Same routine, every night. 

Anything to numb the pain of losing Hayden, of feeling like your life was in shambles. It wasn’t just losing Hayden, it was realizing you had no close friends, no one else to lean on. He’d become your best friend, your confidant, your lover. He was everything you ever wanted or needed, and he was gone. 

Neither of you had sent any messages to each other. It killed you, but you had to move forward, if that’s what you could call drowning your sorrows in a bottle or a baggie. 

Tonight, you just got done singing a set and you were hanging out with Darren, Veronica, Brad, and Tai. Unbeknownst to you, Hayden was actually about to make a stop by this bar. He had some contacts in your circle, a few people he knew in the music world that he asked to keep an eye on you, and if you got too out of control or needed help, they should let him know. He also watched your Instagram and Twitter, keeping an eye on your partying that way.

He’d gotten a few texts before about you, just an update on how you were, but tonight was a red alert from a guy that was somewhat in your circle. He watched you as you did a bump of coke, drink whatever was passed to you, and you were all over everyone in the bar. It was a sloppy mix of drunk-high. You held onto everyone, laughing, trying to crawl on the bar, making a complete ass of yourself. 

Typically your antics were cheered on because everyone in your scene was pretty wild, but even tonight some of them were worried about how you were acting. 

Hayden made his way downtown as soon as he got the text, looking for the bar. Finally, as he walked by, he saw you through the window. You were laughing, throwing your head back, hanging on other people, and trying to dance. 

You were a mess, and that was obvious. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line before going into the bar. He made his way over to you. He wanted to say he felt relief when he saw you, but he didn’t. He just felt worse. He wasn’t an idiot about your drug abuse, he also wasn’t stupid to see what had triggered it. He just thought it was stupid for you to get mixed up in this shit over him. He wasn’t worth it. 

He could see how it was affecting you. Dark circles painted your eyes, your clothes hung loosely on your body, you looked as if you were awake solely from the drugs. He hated how bad you looked.

“Hey,” he greeted loudly over the bar music and patrons. 

You looked over and saw him, your eyes going in and out of focus. “Oh my god, it’s you! Hey! Stay! Have a drink!” you encouraged as you fell all over him, putting your arms around him. In your current state, none of the pain that would’ve normally come from seeing him happened. 

“Hey, no, I’m good. This isn’t really my scene. Y/N, you seem really far gone, do you want me to take you home?” 

You pushed away from him, frowning. “What? No, why would I want that?” You reached in your purse and grabbed something, about to put it in your mouth. “I’m having a good time here, Hayden. You should try it,’ you urged giddily.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he demanded as he slapped the little white thing out of your hand. “Was that fucking E? On top of what you already have in your system?”

“The fuck is your problem?” you ordered, angry.

“My problem is you destroying your life and your body,” he informed.  “I’m taking you home,” he stated firmly. He started to turn you around and push you outside. Everyone started to look your way. 

“No, you aren’t!” you protested loudly, moving wildly, but he just persisted. He went around in front of you, grabbed your wrist, and tugged you outside and started walking you down the sidewalk until you got yourself free of his hold. “Jesus! What the fuck is your deal? Those are my friends. I’m having a good time!” 

“A good time?” he demanded, his voice reigned in anger. “You think this is a good time? You’re out of your fucking mind.” 

“Hey, Mr. Entertainment Business newsflash,a  party-girl image is great publicity. Trey encourages this so long as I’m fine to record.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that your producer endorses you getting high and drunk, as long as you’re off the clock.” 

“You aren’t my handler, you’re not my parents, yo’re not my baby sitter, so just fuck off.”

He stared at you, clenching his jaw. “If you want to stay here and become like---If you want to stay here and party, that’s fine, but I’m done. I’m done with this. I’m done watching you ruin your life and throw so much potential away. I’m not gonna stick around to watch you drive your self into rock bottom when I’ve tried like hell to get you to wake the fuck up.”

“You didn’t stick around! Newsflash, asshole! You left! You left me high and dry.” 

“You kicked me out!” he reminded. “After I tried to approach you about your addiction. And I did stick around, you just didn’t know it.” 

“You didn’t approach me about it, you attacked me about it. Besides, what the hell do you mean you’re not going to stick around or watch me? You haven’t been around.” 

Letting out a sigh, he ran his hand down his face. “When I left, I may have asked some friends to keep an eye on you. I told them to update me if you were getting worse or better.”

“You were spying on me?” you asked, gasping.

“No, I just had people keeping an eye on you. If they were at the same party or something, they’d just let me know how you were doing.”

“Oh, nice to know you cared so much,” you retorted, rolling your eyes. You were getting more and more sober with the fresh air and the anger.  

“I do care. I think I’m the only one you know who does’ fucking care about you. I’m the only one not letting you just become an addict. I’m fighting for you.”

“Oh, is that what you were doing when you broke up with me? Fighting for me?”

He glared at you. He didn’t want to have this conversation. “Yes, I was. I was trying to make sure we were making the right choice.”

“Oh, spare me the bullshit!” you shouted, your head falling back. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the lies. Just be honest with me. You didn’t care about me, you didn’t love me, you wanted a rebound. You weren’t worried about the both of us. You’re just like everyone else. You wanted something to distract you from your ex leaving you and I was the perfect replacement. Then when you got bored, you cast me aside.” 

“You weren’t a replacement! You weren’t my rebound,” he yelled. 

“Then what was it?!” you screamed. “Because from where I stood, you and I were perfect, more than perfect. We could spend time with each other, lean on each other, support each other, we lived together, I met your child, we had date nights all the time and all of that just -- you ended it. Without warning. We didn’t even talk about it. You didn’t even ask me how I was feeling, if I cared about you. You just decided for the both of us that it would be better if this wasn’t a rebound. But it wasn’t ever about that. It was about me taking putting someone else before me like I always do, and I’m the one who got fucking hurt, not you.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry that you got hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It hurt me too. And it hurts like hell to watch you do this to yourself. You think I liked watching you come home high and drunk all the time?” 

“I don’t imagine it bothered you too much. We weren’t dating any more.” 

He shrugged. “So? Just because I’m not dating you, it doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about you.”

“See, in my world, it does. You don’t break someone’s fucking heart then try to tell them you still care. You’re the one who decided to date me. I asked, you shot me down. Then, when I was really happy, when I thought this was real, that we had a shot, that this was something that would last and you just ripped it away. No conversation.” 

He shook his head. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for that. I am. I should’ve talked to you, but is this really what you want? You want to be so numb and fucked up on drugs you can’t function?”

“I can function just fine, thanks for checking in!”

“I can’t believe you’re fine with this. You’ve been so strong since I met you. Going after your dream, working hard at your job, you never would’ve given into this bullshit, despite what happened between us.” 

“Yeah, well shit changes. Clearly you know that.”

“Nothing changed. I cared for you then, and I do now.” 

You scoffed. “Spare me, alright? It was clear to me after you left you never gave a shit. I licked your wounds so you could heal and then you left me. Fuck off. You don’t get the right to tell me where I can hang out, what I can do, or when I can do it.” You got in his face, your voice low before you turned around to head back inside. 

He stood there more upset than he had been when you two first broke up. He wasn’t sure what he thought he would gain from coming out tonight. He just thought he could save you from yourself. He knew he was the reason you went on the downward spiral but he didn’t know how to fix it. 

He bit his lip to keep from crying as he watched you rejoin your friends and pick up a shot glass and knock it back. He shook his head as he turned to walk down the street.

He couldn’t keep doing this to himself, or to you. He needed to move on. He couldn’t watch you suffer any more. He had tried to help you. Every time he did though, you turned him down - hard. 

With his heart heavy, he took a taxi back to his new hotel and tried to forget all about you.

If only it were that easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876​

@magpiegirl80​

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​

@marvel-imagines-yes-please​​

@missinstantgratification​​

@thejemersoninferno​​

@rda1989​​

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Hayden Christensen:

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History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​​

[tiriansjewel]

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

~~

~~

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming
You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

[kurogiriis]

A/N: *I had to re-upload this bc tumblr is annoying* Apparently you guys really liked HOH Bakugou, so I guess I have no other choice than to write some more 😌 technically, 🤘 this means rock on, compared to 🤟 which means I love you but let’s just say the reader does 🤟 because they don’t know the difference lol not that it really matters since I just noticed JSL has a completely different sign for this 😔 Also, I absolutely ADORE rock, it’s my #1 genre so, excuse me while I plug my music taste into the reader’s playlist *ends up mentioning like 3 bands and they’re not even my faves smh* Also, this ended up being really long 0.0 I just love this headcanon.

HOH Bakugou with a crush who’s really into rock and accidentally does the ILY sign

💥 When Bakugou first met you, he was immediately attracted to you. 

💥 You were powerful, talented, smart, and most importantly, had a good music taste. 

💥 Fortunately for him, you were also really into him and enjoyed his company. 

💥 Unfortunately, neither of you were aware of the other’s feelings. 

💥 You and Jirou were always talking about new releases from your favorite bands in class or music from older bands you had rediscovered. 

💥 During the school festival, you became closer friends, spending time together during rehearsal. 

💥 Although he would never admit it, he wanted to spend more time with you, even after the event was over, switching seats to be closer and asking you to pair up during projects. 

💥 However, the more you hung out together, the more you noticed his unusual behavior when you listened to music. 

💥 At first, you began to think it was second-hand embarrassment. 

💥 After all, nothing could stop you from acting like you were in an actual concert when Bohemian Rhapsody or Kimi to Iu Hana played on shuffle, singing loudly off-tune and banging your head while doing what you thought was the rock on sign 🤟. 

💥 Every time you listened to your favorite songs over your headphones, he would always look uncomfortable, maybe even flustered. 

💥 One day, he just couldn’t take it anymore. While you were waving your hands around and singing out loud, he just snapped. 

💥 “Could you stop doing that fucking sing!” 

💥 “Huh? This one? 🤟” 

💥 He was blushing while he said it, looking away while muttering something under his breath. 

💥 “Yes, stop doing that, it doesn’t mean what you think it means, idiot.” 

💥 “What does it mean then?” 

💥 “Look it up, I’m not your encyclopedia.” 

💥 With that, he left your room, leaving you to wonder what that whole conversation was about.

💥 After hours upon hours of weird google searches seriously, try to describe hand signs with words you stumbled upon an ASL website explaining common mistakes beginner ASL learners made. 

💥 One of the first ones was how many did the I love you sign when they actually meant to do the rock on one. 

💥 You were confused at first. Why would Bakugou know sign language? But finally understood the reason he was flustered all those times. 

💥 When it finally dawned on you the meaning of your gestures, you felt very embarrassed.

💥 You had a big crush on Bakugou but telling him you loved him before you were even dating was a bit too much. 

💥 “How do you know sign language?” you asked the next day during homeroom. 

💥 “I’m going deaf,” he said matter-of-factly. 

💥 It all started to make sense and wanted to ask more questions, but class was already starting. 

💥 Once the period was over, he pulled you aside and explained further. 

💥 “My explosions,” he explained, “the bigger and louder I made them, the worse my hearing got. Before you say that you’re sorry for me out of pity just know I’m still better than all these fucking extras and I’m gonna be number one no matter what.”

💥 “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” you responded, being met with a pink tint on his cheeks. 

💥 Over the following weeks, you started to pick up some sign language and tried to communicate with Bakugou using it, seeing that it was easier for him to understand. 

💥 The time you spent together, becoming closer friends, the more your feelings for him grew, and, as cheesy as it sounded, you planned to confess to Bakugou with some of your favorite songs. 

💥 At first, you planned to follow that old trend of making a spotify playlist and confessing through song titles, but the songs just didn’t match. You just couldn’t have a rap song followed by two pop songs and then by modern and classic rock just for the sake of forming a coherent sentence. 

💥 You wanted to go with something that conveyed your feelings while not being too forward. This proved to be a difficult task. 

💥 There were a seemingly infinite amount of songs talking about love and heartbreak, but it seemed impossible to find one that truly resonated with how you felt. After all, you really liked Bakugou, but you also wanted to take things slow, wanting to actually tell him you loved him when you actually meant it and not during a silly misunderstanding. 

💥 After hours of scrolling through your playlists, you finally found one that was perfect. 

💥 At first, you were gonna go with IWBYL by Breimen, but I wanna be your lover might be taken out of context. Then you thought about going with What I Like About You by the Romantics. It seemed like a perfect option until you noticed Bakugou didn’t fit any of the things they mentioned in the lyrics. Crush by Tessa Violet also seemed like a good option until you imagined how you would react if someone made you listen to that song. It sounded a bit obsessive, so you decided to go with something else. 

💥 Feeling defeated, you thought about planning another way to express your feelings.

💥 You pressed shuffle on your playlist while you opened your laptop to look for ideas. 

💥 That’s when you heard the chorus.

💥 “Come over here and sit next to me” “We can see where things go naturally” 

💥 Although it wasn’t what you originally planned, the song just fit. You decided you would make him listen to it and explain afterward if he didn’t understand. 

💥 During one of your study sessions, you tapped him to call his attention. You had the song prepared on your phone and were planning to hand him one of your headphones, knowing that waiting for someone to listen to a song you recommend while in silence is possibly the most awkward feeling known to man. 

💥 As you held the device towards him he just looked at you in confusion. 

💥 “What?” 

💥 “Put it on.” 

💥 “I can’t, in-ear headphones mess with my hearing aids,” he said, annoyed at your ignorance. 

💥 “Oh.”

💥 You went back to your books. You knew you had to do this today or else you would chicken out forever. Tapping him for the second time, he turned towards you. 

💥 “What now?”

💥 Carefully, trying not to mess up regardless of your nervously shaking hands, you signed I like you. 

💥 His cheeks went crimson as he looked at you in disbelief. 

💥 “Are you sure you signed that right?” 

💥 “I hope so,” you said with a nervous laugh, signing it again carefully and adding a lot at the end. 

💥 “I-,” he was speechless and managed the seemingly impossible feat of turning even redder before nervously signing back I like you a lot too.

[princessofgayskull]

ik this isn't she-ra related but ur main blogs asks aren't open 😳😳 n e wey, thoughts on folklore?? i wanna hear ur favorite songs, favorite lines, any parts that gave u chills, all the good stuff

Someone asking me about Taylor Swift? Someone asking my thoughts about Taylor Swift?! Someone actually wanting to hear what I have to say about Taylor Swift? I feel like Entrapta back in season one when she was asked about her theories about Etheria and was she excited to show everyone her model.

Before I dive in, I want to apologize that it took me so long to get this to ask. I’ve been swamped trying to keep up with summer classes and I wrote several versions of this post only to have tumblr delete it and make me start over before I had the bright idea to write it on a google doc first so I didn’t lose all my work and that is the draft you are reading now! But, for authenticity reasons, after I saw this ask I scrambled to write what I could remember from my first album listen that took place at exactly 11pm (after I watched and cried to the cardigan video, of course). Here there are in note form:

I cannot believe that in the darkest timeline that Taylor Alison Swift dropped a surprise album with sixteen songs in an entirely different genre (the heart attack I had when I learned folklore was a genre shift; I cannot believe I doubted the song writing legend herself). The album has been out for a week and I kid you not the only reason I know I didn’t make it up or dream it is because this album is far more beautiful than I could’ve ever come up with. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve listened to it. Everything about the album- the lyrics, the topics, the genre, the production- speaks my language fluently. Even during the first listen I felt that I had somehow known these songs my whole life despite their raw newness. 

This might read weird, but I think one of my favorite aspects about the album is how voyeuristic it feels to listen to. I don't mean sexually, but rather the way it feels like I don't have full permission to be looking at the lives of the people she is singing about. It's as if Taylor said, "I know you want to peek behind the curtain and see all my flaws" so she dives into these characters who are very flawed people and is so raw and honest as she takes their place saying almost "I will treat them like you treat me." 

Yet at the same time, it's her most grounded album. There's something so shiny about pop music (I'm not knocking it, I love pop music, life's too short not to) but this is as if Taylor's pop mentality was left out in the rain and rusted. There's something so real and familiar about it. Like you can reach out and hold it in your hand.

It's venturing too far into the forest and stepping into another dimension and living in it for sixteen songs. A dimension of mysticism, nihilism, magic, and mistakes.

Here is my track-by-track list of favorite things/ chill moments/ awestruck moments.

the 1- WHAT AN ALBUM OPENER. This song rips my heart out and stomps on it. "You know the greatest loves of all time are over now" Why does lyric make me wanna break down and have the most cathartic cry? The defeated acceptance of it all is gut wrenching. "In my defense I have none" Taylor's turn it phrase on this album is brilliant and I aspire to this level of word cleverness.

cardigan- the slow buildup of this song pure magic. If you don't scream "Cause I knew everything when I was young!" at the top of your lungs when listening to this song, are you really a cardigan stan?

the last great american dynasty- F. Scott Fitzgerald who? No, I only know Miss Taylor Swift. Seriously, this song isn't even four minutes long and it's better than any novel written about the American dream. Also, "and then it was bought by me" Taylor you cannot just drop that bombshell on me without letting me get emotionally prepared.

exile ft. bon iver- a song crafted in heaven. Somehow it makes me both depressed and provides me serotonin. I can't get enough of the lyric "I'm not your problem anymore/ so who am I offending?" FUCK THAT'S GOOD. THE SONG IS SO GOOD. SMASH THAT REPEAT BUTTON. I could drown in this song.

my tears ricochet- by far my favorite on the album, and my favorite number five track. I don’t think there’s another Taylor Swift I relate to as much as this one. This hits a very, very close to a personal place for me. Right at the center of an open wound. And god, the build up. It just makes the emotional experience that more poignant. “And I can anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home.” I got chills the first time I listened to that lyric, and it brings tears to my eyes. Needless to say, I’ve had some good cries to this song.

mirrorball- this track is about as cutting as they come. The Imposter Syndrome anthem. It’s the “everything that comes from me has to be perfect, to make up for the fact that it’s from me” song. It’s the sense that nothing you do is worth doing if there’s no audience, yet the audience is the biggest threat. “I’ve never been a natural, I’ll do is try, try, try.” Yeah. There’s a reason this is the TS album I relate to the most. 

seven- I keep saying these songs are so beautiful, but god, this one. Her vocals, the lyrics; in my opinion, a defining moment on the album. The driving home of the point that stories are important because we tell them. It’s a story plagued by a narrator who’s too young to understand and can only put the pieces together as she’s looking back. “And I’ve been meaning to tell you/ I think your house is haunted/ your dad is always mad and that must be why.” I almost can’t handle that. The loss of childhood innocence and the longing for it in just three minutes and twenty eight seconds.

august- “REMEMBER WHEN I PULLED UP AND SAID GET IN THE CAR AND THEN CANCELED MY PLANS JUST IN CASE YOU CALL/ BACK WHEN I WAS LIVING FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL, FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL/ MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL!” currently trying to learn this on guitar, which is fun because I’m not much of a singer. Also, I think that Betty and this girl should ditch James and date each other, if you’re of the interpretation that James is a cishet guy.

this is me trying- So I know that this is a song about a woman struggling with an alcohol addiction, but I really relate to this song because it just feels so much like my struggle with mental illnesses and the way my potential died so quickly because of that struggle. “I was so ahead of the curve/ the curve became a sphere/ fell behind all my classmates/ and I ended up here.” yep. that’s about it.

illicit affairs- again, the build up. “Don’t call me kid! Don’t call me baby! Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me!” Gotta scream that everytime. Also are we going to talk about the lines “Take the words for what they are/ a dwindling mercurial high/ a drug that only worked/ the first few hundred times” ? because I cannot stop thinking about it, or any of the lyrics for that matter.

invisible string-Joe Alwyn, do you know one of the most beautiful songs in history was written about you? I love the instrumental on this one. Also, it’s just flat out brilliant. “Bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to L.A” Holy shit.  Also, “cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart/ now I send their babies presents.” You know what that is? Growth.

mad woman-while my tears ricochet takes the spot as my favorite, this is the Taylor Swift song I claim above all others. “Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy/ what about that?” This song is at the intersection, however coincidental, of my identity as a mentally ill woman. It’s also extreme vindication the way she calls out women acting as double agents of the patriarchy. A scathing criticism of patriarchal socialization and the way women are punished for reacting to anything. 

epiphany- listen to this song after watching the news. lay down. assume fetal position. try not to cry. fail and sob. wash, rinse, repeat.

betty- the old taylor can’t come to the phone right now cause she’s chewing out james for cheating on betty. *wink* However, she will write a folksy banger that’s very old taylor where James takes accountability for their mistake. I love the wlw interpretations of the love triangle songs, and I also can totally see James as a he/him lesbian. 

peace-the disembodied feel of this song is so unique to Taylor’s sound but I totally dig it! This is the album of a woman in her thirties, and I hope it paves the way to more women being able to stay within the industry getting older. There’s a maturity here that is the result of having created so many albums and having found her voice.

hoax- Time to go scream off the edge of a cliff in solidarity. An open closer that rivals the defeatism of the opener, a slow descent into madness that has followed a trauma. “You know it still hurts from scars from when they pulled me apart/ but what you did was just as dark/ darling, this was just hard/ as when they pulled me apart.” Literally no words. I’m always left speechless. 

If you’ve ever thought “I like Taylor but I don’t like her music because she did country and now does pop” this is the album you need to take a chance on. I can only dream of one day possessing Taylor’s ability to tell stories and this album will stick with you in all the best ways. The reason Taylor Swift can genre jump the way she does so seamlessly is because of her unrivaled strength as a songwriter. Stream folklore on spotify!!!!!!!!!

This is probably much more than you asked for, but I hope it satisfies! Thank you for letting me gush about Taylor and this album!!!!!! Sorry it took me so freaking long! If you have thoughts, I would LOVE to hear them!

[alex-writes-things]

Dancing With Olivia

‘Well I know that you’re in love with him,

‘Cause I saw you dancing in the gym

You both kicked off your shoes

Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.’

TW: blood, injury

I push open the door to the empty gymnasium, an empty plastic cup in one hand and a single rose in the other. As the door swings shut, the sound of music dims. I am just about ready to slump against the wall when I hear something. Or rather, someone. I can’t see them, but they’re crying.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Ethan,” she says loudly. At first I’m impressed that she has the guts to send away Ethan, probably the most popular boy in the year, and then I realise that she’s his girlfriend. I freeze against the door.

“Not Ethan,” I say after a moment.

Olivia Waller gasps. I follow the sound to where she’s crouched behind a pile of gym mats, clutching her phone and a small handbag. “Oh, I’m so sorry- I assumed, I didn’t mean to-”

I can’t help but smile. She looks stunning even with her hair escaping its braids and with her lipstick smeared on her lips. “Here,” I say, and hold out my hand.

She takes it gratefully and I pull her to her feet. She sways a little and I steady her with my hands. A shiver runs through me at her touch. “Thanks, Louise.”

“Call me Lou,” I mutter, a little surprised that she even knows my name. She blushes and nods.

“Lou’s a nice name.”

Her voice is soft; my stomach flutters with hundreds of tiny butterflies. I try to push them out, but they only multiply as I realise that we haven’t moved an inch. My arms are still around her waist. “Sorry,” I say, and step away. She looks disappointed, but I try to hide the fact that the room feels much colder all of a sudden and lead her over to one of the long wooden benches that line each end of the gym. “Are you all right?”

“I’m- I’m relieved to be rid of him,” she admits, then claps a hand to her mouth.

“You broke up with Ethan?”

She laughs. “Yes. Yes, I did. I don’t like him one bit- well, I do, as a friend. But never as a boyfriend.” She spits out the last word like it’s a curse. I smile to myself.

“That’s great. I mean, I’m glad for you,” I say.

She looks up at me, and suddenly our faces are so close that they are almost touching. I glance from her eyes to her lips and back again, and she gives me a half smile. Nerves knot in my stomach, and I set down the cup and the rose, and then something unbelievable happens. She leans into me and kisses me softly on the lips. I am too stunned to react, and she pulls away, but then I grab her face and pull it quickly back to mine, filled with a sudden fiery heat, something like joy.

I melt into the kiss, warmth spreading through me, the butterflies swarming and lighting me up from the inside, and bury my hands in her hair. She smiles into my lips. I smile back. After a moment, she pulls away, grinning wildly, and jumps to her feet. I grab her hand and she leads me to the centre of the room.

It feels like a fairy-tale as she pulls me close and whispers, “Let’s dance.”

“Okay,” I say lightly, “but that music is shit.”

Olivia gives me a long look and pulls her phone from the pocket of her prom dress. She opens Spotify and I watch as she scrolls past about fifty playlists before she reaches one titled ‘Dancing In An Empty Ballroom’.

This is our empty ballroom, and she presses play.

I rest my arms on her shoulders, and she wraps her arms around my waist, and we begin to dance, the music filling me up slowly, rolling and turning like the tide. I stare into her eyes, beautiful green eyes, and watch as she mouths the lyrics to the One Direction song that came on first. It’s all I can do not to close the space between us with a kiss, but I like watching her sing. I join in on the chorus.

We shout the words more than we sing them, but it’s okay. And when I realise what she’s done, I laugh, because the words I happen to be singing are, “I live for you, I long for you, Olivia,” and she’s smirking like she’s the queen of the world, which she probably is.

“Don’t let me go,” she sings, and pulls me into her, pressing her mouth to mine. I breathe in her wonderful scent and break the kiss only to lean my head on her shoulder. The next song to blare from her phone’s tinny speaker is Taylor Swift’s Love Story, a beauty of a song. I almost choke on my own saliva as Olivia does an over-exaggerated performance for me, spinning across the room to the bench.

It becomes apparent what she’s doing when she hands me the rose I had with me earlier, giving me a sloppy bow as I take it from her. I throw back my head and laugh. Warmth swells in my chest. “You’re so great,” I say over the music.

I can tell my the blush in her cheeks that she heard me, but she shouts back, “What?” and cups a hand around her ear.

“I said, you’re so great!”

I dissolve into a giggling mess as she does it again. “Come on, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?”

I almost scream it this time. “You’re so great, Olivia.”

She launches herself at me, almost sending me crashing down to the ground with a bear hug and peppering kisses on my face. “I know,” she laughs, and then adds, quieter, “I’m also a little bit tipsy.”

I shove her against the wall and lean over her, enjoying the way she’s staring at my lips and teasing her with one hand in her hair. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” I say quietly.

“I don’t think you did.”

“Well, Olivia, you look beautiful.”

“You know what? You’re not bad looking y-” I silence her with a kiss, flames licking the space between us.

And that’s when we hear it. The unmistakeable creak of the door being pushed open, and then the gasp. So loud that it could almost be comical. Except that it isn’t, because it’s real.

“Olivia,” Ethan says, his voice low. I try not to look at him. My stomach ties itself in knots and I can feel myself begin to shake. The music stops, and she must have turned it off, but I want it back. Now all that I can hear is thick, dangerous silence. “Olivia, what the fuck?”

She doesn’t say anything, but when she extracts herself from my arms, it is all I can do not to explode. “Ethan,” I say.

“You- you’re sick,” he spits.

“No. No, we aren’t. I suggest that you- that you leave us alone.” Olivia trembles beside me, so I take her hand. She squeezes it, and tears sting my eyes.

“No, how about you leave my girlfriend alone. Get your hands off her,” he growls.

Olivia laughs shallowly. I can hear a sob trapped in her throat as she speaks. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Don’t try to fool me.”

“She’s right. She’s mine, not yours,” I cut in. And this is too much for Ethan. A vein pulses in his neck and he flexes his hand, a dangerous glint in his eye. I step in front of Olivia, my heart racing, and that’s when he delivers the first blow.

Dark spots crowd my vision. Everything stops. There is only pain, and white hot anger. “How dare you,” I hear Olivia screaming, and then she falls silent. I sway on my feet, trying to grab hold of her. My fingers close on empty space.

Ethan’s fist slams into my cheek again, this time sending me crashing to the floor. I push myself to my feet and throw a desperate punch in the direction of his attack, and my fist comes into contact with flesh, but my head is pounding and I drop to a crouch, burying my head in my hands.

Somebody help us, I think numbly. A heavy boot slams into my temple, and I cry out.

“Next time you cheat on me, I won’t have it in me to forgive you,” Ethan says off to my right. I spin to see Olivia kneeling on the floor, her jaw bruised but otherwise unharmed. Thank goodness. Nausea washes over me.

“No chance,” she whispers. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I already broke up with you.” I try to laugh, but all that comes out is an odd gurgle. Thankfully, his only response is to storm out of the gym, leaving a path of destruction behind him. The door slams.

Olivia rushes over to me, and I fall into her arms. “Lou?”

“I’m okay,” I murmur. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. You need help, Lou, I need to get help, I’m so sorry.” She has very pretty eyes. “Oh my god, Lou, stay with me- please. Listen to my voice. Just listen. We need to get you some help. Lou. Lou, don’t go. Lou…”

I think about her dress, and for one strange second I can almost see bloodstains on the silk. And then everything is dark, and it is gone.

[rkjunhyuk]

                                         BANG JUNHYUK                     STARBRIGHT 2020 ROYAL CALLBACK

KARD - Bomb Bomb (1:05 - 2:00) Rapping to B.M and J.Seph parts Dancing to B.M’s parts

of course he was disappointed at first when trc didn’t offer him a callback. but that small feeling of disappointment didn’t really last for very long when he found out that royal was offering him one. which was funny, as well as surprising, as it was neither his first or second choice when it came to companies. though he did have a royal entertainment flyer stuffed away in his bedroom somewhere. though he was pretty sure it was probably old and out of date by now so that didn’t really matter very much. all that really mattered to him was that at least one company wanted him enough to give him a chance to audition properly in the first place. 

and of course he was a little nervous about having to showcase two skills instead of one. it was just the rapping he had to worry about he would no doubt be feeling a lot calmer about the whole situation. but really the excitement was overwhelming the nerves. this could really be it. after a small one minute performance he could really be offered a contract and start on the long road towards debut. and maybe it was foolish to already be thinking so far ahead of himself, but the teenager really couldn’t help it very much. he’d been working for years already just to get this chance, and now it was right there in front of him. all it took was one solid performance to prove that he could do it. and he was nothing but confident that he could pull this off. 

from the beginning he thought it might be an amusing idea to try and combine his skills on a skateboard into things. but after thinking about it for a little longer he realized that was an incredibly dumb idea and it was probably better if he didn’t do something like that. he wanted to try and take this seriously. it was his dream and his future on the line and he didn’t want to go and mess it up because he had had decided to not take it 100% seriously. that’s when he started to looking towards rapping and both dancing. while dancing was not something he was completely confident in, he had dabbled about enough with it to feel as though he could copy a choreography with a little bit of practice. 

actually finding a song he was comfortable with took more time than he was expecting. it was hard to find a song that had enough rapping for him to showcase while also having a good dance routine to it as well. june could easily imagine that vocalists had a lot easier time with this, but he wasn’t about to give up. while it took a little time scouring the internet and scrolling through his spotify playlists for inspiration he eventually came across something which would be interesting to do. while the just under a minute clip he had managed to secure had a little bit of vocal parts as well, junhyuk wasn’t planning on singing those bits. 

then start the practice, starting with learning the rap, just constantly rapping the words over and over again in his bedroom mirror, watching his reflection, trying to get the right facial expressions. then it was the dance, watching the mirrored choreography video over and over again, learning step by step, dancing in time with the video until he was sure the whole one minute dance was drilled right into his head. finally it was a mixture of both the rapping and the dancing. admittedly, it was a little harder than he thought it was going to be trying to put the two of them together, but after a couple of hours of endless practice he was actually managing it. and it wasn’t very long at all until he was feeling confident in himself, ready to go and put on a really great performance that he could be proud of. 

the day of the callback the nerves were starting to come back. the slightly twitching fingers, unable to sit still as he rode the bus to the company. and the whole time he had his headphones plugged into his ears, softly rapping the song under his breath, unable to stop himself from moving slightly to the choreography as well. and sure, he was getting some pretty strange looks from the people around him, but junhyuk didn’t care. this was his last chance to get in even a little bit of practice so he was hardly going to let it pass. 

just standing there staring up at royal entertainment, junhyuk the butterflies in his stomach, even if he was trying to just swallow them down. he almost couldn’t imagine himself coming here every day and to be able to call himself a trainee. but the teenager knew that he wanted it, he was desperate for it. and that surely had to count for something? he was sure they would be able to see how hungry he was and how willing to do anything he was just to get his chance to even train. he was still young, junhyuk knew that, so there was loads of time to achieve his dream. but starting as young as possible was not going to hurt anybody. 

he recognized one of the other royal callbacks as the girl he had met during the speakup event, but the boy he didn’t. though junhyuk was trying not to think about them as he stood there waiting for his turn. getting distracted was not a good idea and he didn’t want to start worrying about how good these other people might be. this was all about him, it was his moment and he just had to keep himself completely focused on the task ahead and pull through in one piece. 

when he finally heard his name his heart did a small leap in his chest. this was finally it. so junhyuk found himself standing up just a little bit taller, trying to seem as confident in himself and possible as he held his head up and walked into the room, smiling as he stood in front of the small panel of people and the camera pointed right at him. don’t panic, he knew he could do this, he was talented and he was just about to prove it. don’t think about the fact he was performing in front of the ceo or he was being filmed. this was all just in a days work. it was fine. 

“hello,” he greeted politely, smiling as he bowed just under ninety degrees before straightening up again, the smile still on his face, “my name is bang junhyuk and thank you very much for this opportunity.” and he couldn’t mean those words any more, he was thankful he was even getting the smallest of chances to show his stuff. he could have very well never have gotten a callback in the first place. and even if today didn’t work out for him, he still wanted to leave feeling happy that he had put in his best effort and couldn’t have done anything different. 

but now there was no more talking, nothing else he could say. all he could do was do his short performance and hope that it at least impressed someone and showed he had some potential to be great one day. 

as soon as the music started he was in character, expression changing to something far more charismatic like a switch had just been flipped in his head. all the nerves just gone as he went right into the first rap like he had practised over and over again. 

i see u eyeing on me 원한다면 come get a taste 신호를 보내 눈빛에 써있네 you thirsty all thirsty for this

너의 움직임에 더 홀려가게 she whine it drippin like faucet 적셔가 열정의 땀에 이 곡이 마쳐도 no pares y dame woah

the choreography was sharp but junhyuk was trying to show a charismatic and powerful rapper side to him as well. he wanted to act as though he had been doing this for years, that rapping and dancing just came naturally to him. he was extra careful not to put a foot wrong, keeping the timing in the back of his mind as he moved and flowed with the beat of the song. and next came a short vocal bit, but he didn’t actually sing along, not really willing to prove how little singing ability he had. instead, he had just left the female vocals out of it. but even so he still found himself mouthing them a little under his breath, almost as if he was keeping himself in time as he moved towards the next part of the song. 

you make me 맨정신 못 차리게 어지러워 어질러 내 맘을 왜

more vocals for a second, to june allowed himself to focus on his dancing, keeping it sharp and powerful, just like the original. this was a strong song, upbeat and something you wanted to get up and jump around to. and he did have to hope he was successfully managing to show that and the panel of judges weren’t just sitting there getting bored of watching him already. but if they weren’t impressed yet, he was sure now the chorus was coming up they might change their mind. it was almost impossible not to at least bop your head in time with the music. 

at least, it was for him. 

나와 함께 새하얗게   Make it burn make it burn 매일 밤밤 

then came the strong beat of the chorus and junhyuk didn’t hesitate to go right into the strong dancing. and just the sound of his feet hitting the floor as he moved was quite satisfying to hear, unable to keep the grin off his face as he performed. this really was what he loved doing, being able to stand there and entertain and inspire other people. june simply couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without music, without the capability to rap and to dance and really do what he loved. no doubt that would be a sad and lonely life indeed and not one he wanted to live. which was why he was so desperate to do well in this, if only to prove that he could stand up to people much older than him and prove that age wasn’t everything. 

오늘 밤 내일 밤 매일 밤밤

wildin’ all day wildin’ all night wildin’ all day 난 매일 밤밤 wildin’ all day wildin’ all night wildin’ all day 난 매일 밤밤

as he got through the last little bit of the lyrics and the chorus finally came to a close, junhyuk tried to finish as powerfully as possible. his foot hit the floor on the last beat and he straightened up, holding his hands in front of him as he held the last position for a moment, sweat starting to shine on his brow and chest heaving with the amount of energy he had just wasted in the fifty-five seconds he had been performing. and he felt the burn from his limbs, but the boy was still smiling all the day. he was proud of himself and what he had just done, proud that he had gotten through it solidly and was pretty sure he didn’t put a foot wrong the whole time. 

eventually he did relax as he stood there, taking just a short moment to get his breathing under control so he could comfortably speak again before bowing forward. “thank you so much again for this opportunity, i loved it! i hope you enjoyed watching as well,” he grinned right at the camera after he was done speaking, almost having forgotten that it was sat there recording him the whole time. but he didn't mind having that performance in an archive somewhere for years to come. he was proud of it and what he had just accomplished. 

but, for now, all he could really do was smile one last time, bow just a little more before turning and finally leaving the room for the next person. next simply came the waiting game to find out if it was going to be bad news or good news. and while junhyuk was desperately hoping for the latter of the two he knew that if worst came to worst and he left this building at the end of the day without achieving his dream, he could still be happy that he had tried and done his best. and, as his father would say, that was all that really mattered in the first place.