#also also someone messed with the lyrics that spotify pulls up for you

[explorne5ever]

48 for the spotify unwrapped!

DEAD THRONE by Arankai

Gosh that one’s so aggressive but i’m fond of the lyrics 😅

[nomoreusername]

Not So Invisible (Highschool AU)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:After thinking his constant hate for Valentine's Day would never show up you do one small thing that changes his entire perspective.

Candy hearts, love letters, red flowers, Valentine's Day, I hate it. Honestly, I can't stand it. If I could get rid of any day I would pick that one. Unfortunately, I can't. So I just get to sit back and pretend to be absolutely shocked when there's nothing in my box that I stopped decorating years ago. I’ll draw some lousy red hearts on it for a grade and call it a day.

Well there is one thing I like about it. During homeroom, while everyone is passing stuff out I can put my head down, turn my own music up, and sleep.

Like right now. I pretended to care about the teacher's five minute speech. The second her mouth stopped moving though, I slipped my earbuds on. Shuffling through my Spotify, I found one with not a single lyric about love (which definitely wasn't made specifically for this day) and put my hood up. In the very back corner of the class, I placed my head on the desk and closed my eyes so that this could pass by as quickly as possible.

♡ - - - ♡

I cannot even begin to describe how hard I tried to sleep this period away. Unfortunately, while the back corner allows me to just remain invisible-by my own free will for once-it came with the glorious sunlight shining right in my face. It also happened to be what most would consider a wonderful day. Bright blue skies and warm weather.

I hate that weather too. I love the rain though. After all, I don't just hate everything, though I can give you a list.

Group projects, bus rides, people with no sense of personal space, the label of “quiet kid”, ads between songs, headphones randomly screwing up, those popular kids that act like the best friend of people who are just minding their own business to entertain their friends, random words that came out of nowhere like rizz, people that text without even attempting to use grammar or proper spelling, sleeping in unfamiliar places, the times I get sent to the school counselor because they think that something’s wrong with me, that therapist I wouldn't speak to who thought she could “fix me”, those stupid parent teacher conferences where they act like I’m not there by giving one glance at my grades then go after their list of concerns for my social life, and so on.

I don't just hate things though.

I love Sonya, Rachel, Harriet, some of my family, the smell of new books and feeling of old ones, hoodies that I know like the back of my hand, the occasional time my cats will cuddle with me, stormy weather with lightning and heavy rain, mist and fog, the nighttime when everyone is asleep and I get to be in total silence, driving when the roads are almost empty, doodling on pieces of paper, the sound pencils make when they scratch journals, the teachers who don't force me to speak, bittersweet music that with soft melodies that you don't know whether to cry or smile at, and the way fire cackles and dances in the dark.

The sunlight was not in the list of things to enjoy, because it stopped me from doing one of the other things I love. Sleeping. So I reluctantly pulled The Dead Poets Society out and got back to reading.

Because life hates me back though, the second I opened it someone walked up. Giving them a glance, I was expecting it to be someone just trying to mess with me.

I definitely wasn't expecting her. Not Y/N in her everyday clothes with a small smile and her own earbuds in.

Without a word she dropped a small white envelope in my box before hurrying back to her seat near the wall. This interaction, if you could call it that, was extra odd since she was notorious for not handing stuff out no matter how many she got. In fact, she had been at her spot the entire time and didn't seem like she was getting back up any time soon.

Staring at her, I waited for her to meet my gaze or explain. Instead, she was reading something of her own like she hadn't just done that.

Still heavy with skepticism, I turned it over in my hands to see my name in blue ink. It was held shut by a small star sticker. I love those too. The stars.

Being careful not to rip it, I opened it and saw a piece of paper and red gumdrop. Setting it down, I unfolded it and started reading.

Dear Aris,

I’m not good with words, or people, but I still wanted to at least try. Even if it's not that good. You probably don't remember, but we used to sit next to each other a few classes ago. I really wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. Still, it's Valentine's Day so I may as well try today, right?

I think that you're really cool. You're really kind and genuine. You do things because you want to and not to get something back. That's probably why you helped me with a lot of the world three years ago in science class, though I don't think you remember that either.

Because it probably didn't mean much to you, though it meant the world to me. That someone would actually help out the new girl. You were the first person to do that and actually talk to me. I would have told you a lot earlier if I knew how, but now that we have this class I’ll do what I said I would years ago.

So if you're not doing anything later would you like to hangout? Just you and I?

Love From,

Y/N

Taking another read through the letter, I evaluated each word. Each space between them and the way the slight curves and dots in the i’s. Just to be sure there wasn't something that I was missing.

There wasn't.

She noticed me. Y/N actually notices me.

Glancing at her again, I saw that she was just turning the page, seeming content in her world. Then, she slightly turned and looked back. I gave her a small smile, and just as she returned it I heard the rain start outside. She just slightly waved to me before turning back around.

So while everyone was complaining about the water falling on the windows I felt my smile grow as I buried my head in my hoodie so nobody would see.

Because even if nobody else was looking, she was, and I was actually okay with that.

I think I was okay with not being invisible around her.

[iwashie]

💛𝙱𝙻𝙻𝙺 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝙱𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝙸 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 💚

︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶ "warnings"- brasileiros que curtem as minhas coisas, agora é hora de vocês aparecerem. AQUI É BR PORRA! The songs have Spotify link. (pt 2 coming soon)

💚ISAGI- MAIS NINGUÉM- BANDA DO MAR

He gives me the vibe of no matter if you're surrounded by people or alone, things with him get comfortable, you two create your own little world, lost in each other's eyes. It doesn't matter if you're just friends, have a crush, dating, married, things with him are light and cozy.

💛 BACHIRA MEGURU- WHISKY A GO-GO- ROUPA NOVA

He would definitely love this song and dance with you, no matter if he doesn't understand the lyrics, the beat speaks for itself. He passes this chaotic vibe of Brazilian party. He is the fun in person and brings joy to things like this song, with him there are no bad situations!

💚 ALEXIS NEES- EXAGERADO- CAZUZA

he has the same vibe as the lyrics of this Brazilian anthem – as dramatic and passionate as Cazuza in this song. He would take you a thousand stolen roses, throw himself at your feet and apologize if you had made a mistake, he would also cry a lot, making drama if you ignored him.

💛 MICHAEL KAISER- ENTRE TAPAS E BEIJOS- CALYPSO

He gives me this vibe of always fighting but never separating, always at loggerheads. You two have good times and bad. You don't know if you love or hate him, always wanting to strangle him but also kiss him. you two pull hair, beat each other, bite and love each other—people don't know if you love or hate each other. You two are match made in heaven like beans and rice.

💚 RYUSEI SHIDOU- TE AMO DISGRAÇA- BACO EXU DO BLUES

Impossible to listen to this song and not remember ryusei. bottles of wine, fucking all over the house, on the balcony, in the car and in the bathroom of the bar. That mix of rap, blues and hi-hop is so much his vibe. Indefinite relationship, you fight and fuck, love each other. It's both of you against the world.

💛 KURONA RANZE- EQUALIZE- PITTY

He's so smart, handsome, calm and everything you like that you get lost around him. He's so perfect and friend/boyfriend/husband material that you don't have eyes for anyone else. You like him so much that you want to keep him to yourself, etch him in every bit of you so you don't miss him.

💚 NIKO IKKI- EDUARDO E MÔNICA- LEGIÃO URBANA

he's totally Eduardo, all silly, funny and charming that the need to keep him protected and around is enormous. He was sure to fall in love with someone older, maybe a little different from him, but the feeling would simply be there, slowly growing. "And who will one day say that there is reason in things made by the heart."

💛 CHIGIRI HYOMA- DE JANEIRO A JANEIRO- ROBERTA CAMPOS & NANDO REIS

He has this something that doesn't matter if you deny it or just haven't realized it yet, you like him and he likes you, and no matter how much time passes, that feeling isn't going to change. He's like, "If I date it's to get married."

💚 KUNIGAMI RENSUKE- O SOL E A LUA- PEQUENO CIDADÃO

You can compare he before and after the Wildcard to this song. Before he was all cheerful and had the dream of being a football hero, he was hot. And now he's "the sun froze its heart", all emo… sad. but I can also say that he would not give up so easy on you, as he does with football and like the sun still asks the moon in marriage.

💛 TABITO KARASU- DESPERDIÇOU- SANDY & JUNIOR

he dumb like ryusei, not knowing how to deal with the passion of the person, but he sure would do the same as Junior in this song- I can see him messing up your wedding day, saying he still loves you and taking you still dressed as a bride away and promising eternal passion. or he just wasted the love, left and never called, ran away with your peace.

[catearedbeauty]

(Mostly) Hazbin Fic plots based off TTPD songs because I’m brain rotting

(Not all the songs are here, but quite a bit are, and this are free to use for inspiration or whatever as long as you link the fics to this post via reblog or comment and credit this post in the notes!! There's like, two Helluva Boss plots in here- Numbers correspond to what place the song is on the album according to spotify.)

————————————

1. Fortnight - HUSKERDUST ANGST, so like, they were dating, yeah? After a while, a fortnight, if you would, they ended up getting separated due to their respective soul contracts, but they obviously have to pretend they aren't in love anymore, and the lyrics jump around between Husk and Angel's POV, in my opinion, but maybe they don't, I dunno!!

2. TTPD - This is basically Loser, Baby but with Angel singing to Husk, and I feel like Husk is old enough that he would unironically use a typewriter and he's gotta have a mental breakdown at some point, especially having to deal with Alastor and just....yeah, the Vibes!! The lyrics tell a big story here, so it's really easy to work with.

3. MBOBHFT - This is a really, really good angsty ValAngel song, because Angel IS his favourite toy and look at what happens. And the "Cause it fit too right/puzzle pieces in the dead of night/should've known it was a matter of time/oh, my boy only breaks his favourite toys" is just the SUMMARY of their relationships since Val WAS playing the role of a doting, loving boyfriend at first, Angel was head over heels until the contract was signed. And also "Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me" could be after Angel's redeemed? Maybe?

4. Down Bad - So it starts out ValAngel, right after Angel signs the contract and Val starts getting absolutely fucking awful. Obviously, Angel's still attached to Val, still has feelings for him, just a little bit of stockholm syndrome. And he's just venting to someone about everything and they try to get Angel to just leave Val but he can't because 1. the contract and 2. He still has feelings.

6. But Daddy I Love Him - This would be Molly centric, actually!! When they're still alive. A lot of mafia family's have arranged marriages from my understanding, and I imagine it's Anthony helping helping Molly sneak out to meet the man she truly loves and trying to argue with their father about letting Molly marry who she really wants and I imagine Molly is also a bit head strong and would pull the "I'm having his baby!" card to try to get out of the arranged marriage. You could make this a little angsty and have Molly get to marry the man she actually wants to after Anthony dies but that's optional, either way she ends up with her love at the end!!

7. Fresh Out The Slammer - Angel gets out of his contract with Valentino, and goes immediately to Husk and tries to strike a deal with him so no one but Husk can have his soul. He can agree or not, but there's probably a lot of flashbacks and parallels to how Val treated him compared to how Husk is treating him.

9. Guilty As Sin? - This one is honestly my favourite, since it's super soft, it's just straight HuskerDust fluff. Angel hasn't had a soft, pure love in a while, but he doesn't want to mess up his friendship with Husk, and he genuinely feels like he's sinning or doing something wrong wanting something like that with him because Husk (in Angel's eyes) makes it clear he and Angel are just friends but Husk is also in love with Angel but doesn't want to feel like he's forcing him into anything and I feel like this could end in very, very soft, fluffy, hand holding, tooth rotting smut because this song does have pretty unsubtle references to getting off in it so I just feel like this plot should be SOME level of smutty, even if it's just Angel by himself thinking of Husk.

10. WAOLOM? - This has big, big Blitzø energy and I can't really place why but it does (I think it's because of the circus line?) and he is canonically just a mess and just keeps it under wraps aside from a few seconds around Stolas and Loona (and maybe someone else I'm forgetting) but just- Yeah! I also thought of this thing where he accidentally bit a kid that jumped in the ring when Blitzø was first performing and it scared him, so they treated him like a dangerous animal and actually ripped out all his teeth because his dad is obviously not interested him, he rented Blitzø with for a slim fit condom and a wadded up $5 and just it just angsty and Blitzø is very much having a whole breakdown.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - ValAngel, but it's just the fluffy, honeymoon stage where Val is just a little bit Val, but he's not bad bad, he's just a man at that point, and the people who know how Valentino actually is are trying to warn Anthony how he actually is and Anthony just doesn't listen, and Val being manipulative obviously "cleans up" his act so Anthony thinks he actually fixed him, and gets suckered into the contract, and then the "Woah, maybe I can't" moment hits and it hits HARD.

12. loml - Angel looks back into the honeymoon phase he had with Valentino, and it falls into a toxic loop of them getting back together, having another honeymoon phase, Angel falling hard again, and then Val fucks up again and it goes over and over, and I imagine it FINALLY ends for the final time when Angel moves into the hotel and Val's treating Angel as solely a toy now and Angel's hurting because "You said I'm the love of your life/About a million time" and it gets ANGSTY

13. ICDIWABH - Honestly, this is pretty much just poison with different words, but I would love to see people's take on it!!

14. TSMWEL - I imagine this as sort of Angel's thought process if Valentino ever finally replaces him as his favourite, because while Angel would be really happy he isn't the main target now, he would also be confused and hurt, because he was Val's display piece ("You hung me on your wall/Stabbed me with your push pins/In public, showed me off/Then sank in stoned oblivion) or honestly it could be that Val is giving Vox all his attention since those two are a situationship and Val "breaks up" with Angel and I know these are two separate plots but my brain is full on stream of conscience typing here.

15. The Alchemy - HUSKERDUST FLUFF AGAIN!! But also a bit of angst, I imagine Angel checks himself into an actual, professional rehab center at Charlie's recommendation since I imagine most rehab centers have a way you can safely wean off the drugs instead of going cold turkey and Angel is there a WHILE, and then when he gets back to the hotel, he still has the same feelings for Husk and they just have this chemistry and it gets all soft and sweet, Husk immediately runs from behind the bar to Angel and just!! It's just fluffy and cute and Husk is so proud of Angel!!

16. Clara Bow - Another one where Angel is free from Valentino, and it has a bit of a messy timeline, since it's basically Angel slowly separating himself from being a pornstar and regaining who he was before with his friend's help and there's three sections "You look like Clara Bow", "You look like Stevie Nicks", "You look like Taylor Swift" and I know this isn't REALLY the plot of the song, but the three things are all spaced out and I imagine the last one is maybe a hundred or so years after Angel's quit and someone comes up to him and says something, "You look like Angel Dust" and yeah!! Alternatively, those three sections could be different people trying to pull Angel back into bad deals since he is a big, recognizable star and it's closer to the line of the song about being "The next big thing" and all that and yeah!! Take it as you will.

17. The Black Dog - Angel doesn't sign Val's contract, so Val kicks him out. They never really got out of the honeymoon phase due to this, so Angel's taking it harder than he would in any other situation, and Angel sees Val around hell with other girls, and he's just hoping that no one Val sees will be as good as him and Angel is just so jealous and it's angsty and Angel probably does a lot of self destruction-

18. imgonnagetyouback - Huskerdust break up fic, but they aren't really broken up, they had a bad fight or something so they're avoiding each other and Angel's fallen back into his old ways of ABSOLUTELY destroying Husk's boundaries, dressing slutty as hell around him, the works. Husk eventually forces Angel to sit the fuck down and they talk out their problems. Husk also extends the break because of Angel's bullshittery before, but it has a happy ending (or they could fully break up because of Angel's toxic, clingy bullshit, either way!!)

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - Stolblitz!! Basically, this is from Stolas POV after Blitzø calls off their deal or just stops seeing him outside of "transactional" reasons and Stolas is just pouring his heart out into a journal that Blitzø will never see, there's tear stains on the pages, and Stolas probably has Blitzø's location because of the grimoire so he knows he's going out to places with other people and it's just angsty and sad (I actually on really on the fence about this ship, I feel like they work better as FWB's, if that?? I dunno yet!!)

21. How Did It End? - I'm imaging after human AU, since Husk and Angel were around at the same time, and they get close since I seen another post point out the mafia was probably in LA a lot, so after Anthony got away from the mafia, he moved to go be with Husk, his family did NOT like that, ended up tracking down Anthony and killing him in front of Husk for betraying the family name and running off to be with some queer you know how that time was and they only let Husk live because NOW he has to continue his life knowing he was inadvertently the reason Anthony was killed, and of course Husk goes on to live his life, getting married, having kids, telling them about Anthony. And then they meet again in hell years later, and neither of them recognize the other, or maybe they do! Maybe there's just some little quirk, you can pick the ending!!

22. So High School - Huskerdust acting like love struck teenagers and sneaking around hiding their relationship from everyone in the hotel, making out on the bar, secret hand holding under blankets during movie night, literally just acting like high school sweethearts!! This is probably work for any ship, but Huskerdust really hits because Angel is truly in love for the first time in a while and so is Husk so they both just are all soft and awkward and it's just cute!!

23. I Hate It Here - Angel tells Husk about where his thoughts wander to when he's dissociating, and Husk listens, as a bartender should. Angel also gets too drunk and lets everything slip he'd never told anyone else, and Husk is just being Husk! Take that as you will.

25. I Look In People's Windows - More Stolblitz, but this time Blitzø actually cares about Stolas, but Stolas can't see Blitzø anymore because he has to make things work being royal and all that and so Blitzø never sees Stolas anymore and has had to disband I.M.P because the grimoire obviously went with Stolas, but Blitzø is still searching for Stolas because he just wants to talk to him, even if it's just one last time.

26. The Prophecy - This is honestly just a standard Overlord Husk fic where Angel asks Husk to win his soul from Valentino, but it could be a twist where Valentino wins and ends up with Husk's soul, and Angel is just horrified because he caused this and is begging whatever power in out there to turn back time but of course, things can't be undone and what's done is done. And of course, Val probably keeps Angel and Husk as far apart as possible, just to be a fucking dick.

28. Peter - Huskerdust childhood friends AU, probably also human AU!! They make a promise to each other that when they get older, they were going to help each other out of their respective bad situations, but the situations get worse after they separate, and Anthony ends up dying before they ever see each other again. Husk, of course, doesn't know that Anthony's dead, so he spends the rest of his life trying to find him, only to meet him again in hell and he finds out that's he's Angel now, and Husk feels so bad because he had made a promise years ago to get Anthony out of bad situations and he broke it without even knowing it and it gets so soft with Angel just reassuring him and Husk is just sobbing and it's just aaaaa!!

31. The Manuscript - From Molly's POV after Anthony dies. I imagine she went a little mad after that, since they were close, so she didn't know what to do with herself so she went and got herself into a not so good relationship, ended up pregnant, so she was forced to marry him, they ended up splitting, she went back to live with her family, and she just kept getting into relationship after relationship and her life keeps spiraling until she feels like it isn't her life anymore and I'm pretty sure she's Catholic so she goes to the confessional and confesses everything, goes home and digs out all the letters Anthony had written her when he was still alive, and I'm going to leave the ending open and vague since the way I thought was a bit triggering but yeah-

If you read this far, uh....hi?? If you have any plots you wanna share, feel free to put them in the reblogs or comments or whatever, I've just been thinking a lot and I'm probably not gonna write any of this, so I figured that maybe someone would wanna use these plots??

[nbrook29]

Kiss or Slap part 2

part 1

Robbe stands in front of the mirror, eyes critical as he assesses the forest green shirt, plucking at the collar that’s digging uncomfortably into his neck. It’s not like the shirt is ugly; the problem is that it’s not and that it looks a bit too formal. But then again, Robbe wouldn’t know for sure since he’s never been on a real date before. He’s feeling a bit helpless in that area, to be honest.

He has a half a mind to text the boys and ask for advice, but just as the thought passes his brain he scoffs because it’s just silly; the only thing he would gain from doing that would be merciless teasing for weeks on end. Thanks, but no thanks.

Sighing, he glances in the direction of the hall, debating with himself whether asking for Zoe’s opinion is the right option here, but deep down he knows that otherwise, he’s gonna be standing i front of that mirror agonizing over his appearance for the next twenty minutes if someone doesn’t talk some sense into him.

The way Zoe’s eyes widen in surprise when he enters her room lets him know that yes, he is overdressed. 

“Too much?” He scrunches up his face, feeling a bit self-conscious.

“Well, I mean... you look really nice, but, um, maybe go for a t-shirt instead?” Zoe suggests, looking almost apologetic. Robbe hovers in the threshold, still not totally convinced.

“Yeah?” 

“You clearly feel uncomfortable in that, plus he’s not taking you to an expensive restaurant or something so I think you should just go for chill,” she pauses, trying to remember something. “That pink t-shirt you have? You look really cute in it! You should wear that.”

“I don’t wanna look cute, Zoe, I wanna look hot,” Robbe blurts out, pink blooming on his cheeks when Zoe coos at him in that annoying way she always does and he immediately covers his face. “Stop.”

She giggles at his embarrassment, patting his arm consolingly as she pretends to give him a once over. “You do look hot, no matter what shirt you’re wearing.”

“Yuck, that sounds weird coming from you.” Robbe fake-gags and gets a smack on his chest. “I’m outta here, thanks.” Before he manages to close the door, Zoe catches his arm and shoots him a comforting smile.

“And calm down. He’s already into you, he won’t care what you’re wearing, Robbe.”

It’s easier said than done. Ever since he woke up, he’s been a giddy, anxious, yet excited mess, butterflies flying rampant in his stomach, fingers drumming absent-mindedly on the nearest surface, and he’s-

Well.

He’s been kinda freaking out.

Somehow (he has no idea how), he managed to keep his cool during that faithful afternoon a week ago when a boy came up to him with a dumb YouTube challenge, he’d even call himself flirty and bold. 

He’s not so sure he’ll be able to provide a repeat performance tonight. Not with that particular charming smile directed at him, almost making him whimper because no one should have the right to be that handsome. At the time, the infatuation was laced with disappointment and anger so Robbe guesses that’s what helped him keep his cool.

Only to melt into a pile of goo minutes later when Sander’s cheeks flushed red in embarrassment over what popped on his phone screen.

Bambie eyes

Robbe smiles at the memory, trying to keep it small and not look like a psychopath that’s grinning to himself for no reason. It proves to be difficult though, those damn butterflies not easing out when an image of Sander combing his fingers through his longish bleached strands pops into his mind, uninvited, but oh so welcome if Robbe’s being honest.

Back in his bedroom, he fishes out the pink t-shirt from the drawer, sending a thank you to the past Robbe who finally did his laundry last Wednesday. His comfort level is up immediately after he takes the green shirt off and pulls the pink one over his head; the material doesn’t dig in anywhere, and it’s just... him. He doesn’t feel like a clown anymore. 

A quick look at his watch and he curses under his breath. If he doesn’t want to be late, he needs to leave in five minutes tops. It’s probably better this way since it means less time for freaking out. Once he sprays a bit of cologne on his clothes and grabs his wallet, he gives himself one last look in the mirror, fingers attempting to tame his curls at least a little, but it proves to be a lost cause. As usual. His hair just has a mind of its own. He doesn’t let himself obsess too much about it though, and as he closes the door behind the flatshare his mind wanders to two weekends ago, the corners of his lips twitching on their own.

  “You look like an angel with those curls. I should get you a halo or s’mthing.”

He’s in his personal space all of a sudden and as Sander’s breath grazes his face, Robbe’s own breath stutters, but the freakout has no time to breakthrough on his features because Sander’s eyes swivel up, glazed with alcohol as he tugs gently at one of the brown strands.

“I really like ‘em, you know? They’re so... silky. And pretty.” A lightbulb goes on in his head, his lips widening in a smile. “You’re so pretty.”

 Drunken confessions never really seemed particularly sweet to him, but with Sander gazing at him like he hung the moon and the stars, his jaw slightly open as if in wonder, it was difficult for Robbe to feel anything else than fondness, heart fluttering in his chest, so enamoured with the boy with white hair that it would have blushed if it could.

That white hair and green eyes have been the main stars of his dreams ever since.

Okay. That’s not entirely true. There were glimpses before that. After all, Sander had been the first thing he noticed at the Academie. But at the time, he had only been his looks to Robbe, golden skin and intriguing smirks, face scattered with moles and legs for days. 

And lips. Lips that looked soft like a rose petal.

He had dreamed about those lips a lot then.

He still can’t believe his brain holds the memory of kissing them with his own. 

Again. Peak boldness for him.

And yet, he’s so nervous now, walking fast-paced to the nearest tram stop, praying his chaotic energy won’t make him look like an idiot once he’s faced with Sander again. His only saving grace, the only reason the full on freakout seems to be kept at bay is the reminder that even though Sander is way out of his league, he’s also a bit of a dork, and that honestly makes Robbe feel better. 

He’s a hot dork though.

But a dork nonetheless.

Deep down Robbe hopes he’s gonna become his dork. 

The city passes behind the window in a whirlwind of colors, creating the perfect background for him to get lost in his thoughts, daydreaming to the sounds of the playlist crafted specifically for him, courtesy of Sander. As Bowie sings about absolute beginners, a notification ping pulls him back from his musings, lips smiling on their own when he sees Sander posted a photo.

And what a photo it is, fuck.

A part of his face, edges smudged with shadows leaving only his eye in focus, dark eyebrow curtained a little with wet bleached strands, everything in black and white aesthetics because Sander rarely does colors, Robbe came to find out. 

  With eyes completely open

But nervous all the same

 He wonders if the lyrics relate to their date or it’s just his wishful thinking.

Quick fingers like the photo and then take a screenshot of his own Spotify to send it to him. Robbe doesn’t have to wait long for the reply, a string of “🤯” blowing up his phone followed by “I’m so proud 🤧”, which again confirms that Sander is, indeed, a dork. 

Robbe shoots him a “😂” and scrolls up a bit to check the address again.

 Robbe: I watched the video

Robbe: It was cool 😎 

Sander: Oh yeah? 

Robbe: But somebody cut me out of it 🤔🙄 

Sander: I told them to, it was too personal 😌 

Robbe: Oh 🙃 

Sander: + You're too pretty for our dumb videos 🤷🏼‍♂️ 

Robbe: 🙈 stop 

Sander: You are 🤷🏼‍♂️

Robbe: You're making me blush 🙊 

Sander: Well good, you're cute when your cheeks are all pink 😏 

Robbe: 🤪 

Sander: But you're always cute so 🤷🏼‍♂️

Robbe: Okay stop haha 

Sander: 😎 

Robbe: Thank you tho 😊 

Sander: You're welcome x

Sander: Now go to sleep, I need you to be rested for tomorrow! 

Robbe: Tell me where we're going 🥺 

Sander: Nope 

Robbe: Please 🥺 

Sander: Nope 😌 

Robbe: How should I know you're not gonna kidnap me or sth 🤔 

Sander: Robin! I would never! 😟😟 

Robbe: Robin? 

Sander: Yeah

Sander: You like it? :) 

Robbe: I think so :)

Sander: Good 😌

Sander: Oranje Street, that's all you need to know 

Sander: Goodnight Bambi Robin 🦌😏 

Robbe: Shdjskahaggfdsk 🙈🙈 

Sander: Hehe

Sander: 😚 

Robbe: 😊

 The Robin part pulls another involuntary grin out of him again, the jitters in his stomach intensifying, but now they’re more anticipatory than nervous. He checks his hair in his selfie camera, running a hand through it to mess it up a little just when his stop comes. 

The neighborhood is busy with the Friday rush and he has trouble finding white hair in the crowd from where he’s leaning on the lantern. Swaying awkwardly he keeps looking around, feeling his stress levels raising with each second and telling himself to get a fucking grip. 

“Hey, Robin.”

His poor heart just can’t catch a break today. 

Jumping a foot above the ground before swiveling around to smack Sander’s chest, the first thing he sees is his toothy grin, face smug at almost giving Robbe a heart attack.

“Asshole.” His grumble is all for show, the corners of his mouth pulling up when Sander presses a soft hello kiss to his cheek.

“Sorry, didn’t wanna scare you.” He could win awards for least sincere apologies ever, but Robbe would lie to himself if he said he didn’t find his playfulness attractive. Also, he’s still trying to get his heartbeat under control that has less to do with actual scare and more with the warm breath grazing his ear and the fanthom feel of lips on his cheek.

“Sure you didn’t.”

Sander chuckles at his deadpan face that lets him know Robbe knows he’s full of shit. Raising his arms in capitulation, he says another sorry before giving him a not so subtle once over, his features softening.

“You look really pretty.” 

His voice sounds uncharacteristically shy, Robbe notices, and he keeps biting his lip nervously. This sudden shyness looks exceptionally endearing on him.

Eyeing his t-shirt critically, he cocks his brow at Sander, hand scratching his head in a self-conscious move. “Thank you. It’s nothing special though.”

“Then I guess it’s just you,” Sander replies, shrugging matter-of-factly, and keeps giving him that charming smile that weakens Robbe’s knees. 

But he still rolls his eyes on him, snorting as he mutters “smooth” to which Sander pretends to hold his chest dramatically, swearing it’s not a line and that he’s being honest.

“Okay, okay, let’s say I believe you,” Robbe gives in after being defeated with a strong case of puppy eyes. “Now come on, tell me where we’re going.”

The faux-serious expression on Sander’s face melts into a full of promise smirk. “Prepare to be mind blown!”

And then he takes off, firing a wink over his shoulder at Robbe who’s gaping at him, flabbergasted. This mixture of confidence and shyness taking turns emanating from Sander has a peculiar effect on him, making him follow the boy without another question. He’s intrigued, curious to find out what’s underneath this cockiness that Robbe has a feeling is all for show, a cover up, but for what he has no clue. 

They fall into an easy conversation on the way to their destination, interrupted with a string of Robbe’s guesses as to what that destination is and Sander shooting him down everytime, his smile getting fonder with each pout directed at him. So far it’s been way less awkward than Robbe feared, familiar almost, safe, melting away the anxious lump in his stomach. The good-natured teasing reminding Robbe of his relationship with Zoe or Milan, only the furtive yet lingering glances they keep shooting at each other when they think the other is not looking the sign of this being more than just a friendly hangout.

“Any plans for the Eenvoud sequel?” They’re crossing the street when Sander asks the question, tongue in cheek, which makes Robbe scowl in disdain. Even though internally he’s pleased Sander went and looked him up online. He was less pleased with the teasing that ensued a few days ago.

  Sander: I had no idea 

Robbe: ? 

Sander: That I'm going on a date with a star 

Robbe: 😂 what 

Sander: Music star 😏

Sander: Or should I say

Sander: Dance star 🤔 

Robbe: Oh fuck 

Sander: You're v e r y talented Robbe IJzermans 

Robbe: Shut uuuuuup 

Sander: 😂 

Robbe: You weren't supposed to see that 😭 

Sander: Why not? You're so cute in it 😌 

Robbe: 🙈

Robbe: Please don't hold it against me 

Sander: Never :) 

Robbe: You're gonna hold it against me aren’t u 

Sander: A bit :D 

Robbe: 🥺 

Sander: But in a loving way! 

Robbe: Guess I have to now go and find blackmail material on your channel 😌 

Sander: As if you hadn't already 😏 

Omg you're so full of yourself 🙄 

Sander: 😛 

Robbe: Should I be expecting hoards of fans throwing themselves at you when we're out? 

Sander: Haha no

Sander: Maybe a few ;) 

Robbe: Great, now I'm even more nervous :( 

Sander: Why are you nervous? 🥺

Sander: Are you nervous about our date?  

Robbe: Well um 

Robbe: A bit? 

Sander: I'm nervous too

Sander: But that's because I wanted to go out with you since I saw you on campus the first day

Robbe: I wanted that too

Sander: Oh 😌

Robbe: Yeah :)

 “Fuck off,” he barks out a laugh, shoving him without much force once they’re back on the sidewalk. Sander pretends to be offended with the attack, huffing and shaking his head, but then bumps him with his hip all the same, smug when Robbe splutters in indignance in turn.

“Keep this up and I’m gonna rethink my forgiveness.” Robbe’s tone is lofty, even if his eyes scream he’s just teasing, an attempt to rile Sander up. 

The boy’s eyes widen comically, hand flying to his chest. “You wouldn’t do that to me, Robin.” 

There’s that nickname again, making his breath catch again, and the only response he can manage now is a flirty smile, or at least something that is supposed to look like it. 

The afternoon heat subsides on their way to Sander’s mysterious place, but Robbe’s still glad he left that green long-sleeved shirt at home when they slow down and Sander turns to him with an expectant look.

“Carnival?”

“I didn’t remember you giving me your number, but I did remember your preaching about cotton candy being the superior junk food,” Sander rushes with an explanation like he feels his choice needs a proper justification. “And it just so happened that a carnival came to Antwerp this weekend. I thought it was a sign?” He scratches his nose, his stance a little unsure as he awaits Robbe’s reaction.

His eyes grow bigger with each passing second until Robbe beams at him and tells him how much he likes the idea. Sander lets out a loud phew, face relieved when they enter the area. The place is packed, but that’s okay because Robbe loves the vibe and how close Sander keeps walking next to him because of it. The loud music is not the best for talking, but they soon find other things to do, marching from booth to booth, getting drinks and trying out silly games, the teasing competitiveness quickly coming out. Sander really wants to win a plushie for him, but he fails spectacularly, his sulking remedied only by a kiss on his cheek. 

Robbe eats his weight in cotton candy, childlike joy on his face while Sander watches amused and keeps calling him cute. The Ferris Wheel was supposed to be their next stop, but when it turns out it's out of service, Sander shoots him a desperate look, apologizing for this lame outcome like it's his fault. But Robbe is having so much fun he barely cares they lost their chance at a kiss on the top, knows the night's still young and they'll get their chance somewhere else.

They try out a few other things, laughing and having a great time together before Sander gets weirdly quiet.

"Do you, um, do you think we can go sit down for a bit? To talk?" Sander keeps avoiding his eyes as he asks, but Robbe doesn't miss the flicker of vulnerability in his face, and he feels his heart jump in his chest. He's a bit taken aback at this gear change, but Sander's clearly bothered with something and he wants to be there for him so he just hums and follows him to the bench outside.

"There's something you need to know."

Robbe steals himself for the worst, muscles tensing as he holds his breath.

“I’m bipolar,” Sander finally blurts out, and Robbe’s heart breaks for the insecurity in his eyes, eyes that are now darting all over his own face, trying to be furtive, yet clearly assessing his reaction. “I just-, I want to be straight with you from the get go cause I feel like this may be going somewhere and I don’t want to lie, or, omit anything.” He pauses, frowning a little as he looks down, and something awfully similar to a broken heart shadows his features. “I don’t ever want to keep it a secret anymore.”

Robbe doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue, but Sander misinterprets the silence.

“It’s, um, it’s okay if you don’t wanna get involved with me now or something, I get it, I’m a lot to handle.” Scratching his head awkwardly, his lips morph into a wistful smile, and Robbe knows he needs to put a stop to these thoughts.

“Hey,” he starts softly, waiting until Sander’s ready to direct his eyes back on him. When he does, he shoots a smile at him of his own, but there’s nothing wistful about it. If it matches what he feels, Robbe’s quite sure it’s close to adoration, actually. “Thank you for telling me.” Sander takes a deep breath, sitting straight as if he’s preparing for a rejection. “My mom has schizophrenia, you know?”

Green eyes blink up at him. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Robbe lets his smile widen. “And she’s an amazing mom. She just-, struggles sometimes, and there are days that are really shit days. But I can’t imagine her not being here. Because she’s amazing. And I love her. With or without a mental illness.” He presses his thigh against Sander’s, trying to ease his nervousness as he continues. “I still want to give us a shot. Cause, um, I think that, um, well, you’re really hot, I mean cool, I meant cool, well...” Why does he have to be so awkward? He peaks at Sander after his unfortunate little slip and feels his cheeks flush under his small grin. 

“You think I’m hot?”

Robbe whines in protest because now Sander’s just being a little shit, torturing him even though he knows exactly what his stammering means. 

He hides his face in his hands. “Obviously, since I’m on a date with you, smartass.” 

“It’s always nice to hear.” Sander nudges their shoulders and it makes Robbe look up, just in time for a wink. “Especially from a cutie like you.” He holds his gaze, a small smile playing on his lips, and as Robbe gets drowned in his green eyes, distracted, Sander lifts his hand to push a few locks away from his forehead. The brief contact of his fingertips with Robbe’s skin is enough to raise goosebumps on his skin, and he really hopes Sander didn’t notice, that he doesn’t know how gone he is for him already.

He already mourns the lack of contact when Sander pulls away, something akin to shyness on his face now as he’s fiddling with his fingers, and it’s comforting to see he’s not the only one around here being affected.

It’s what gives him the guts to do what he does next, without second-guessing himself again into a spiral. He gets up off the bench and takes Sander’s hand in his own, their fingers tangling right away like it’s their second nature, and nods in the direction of the sidewalk.

“Come on, I’ll show you my favorite spot around here.”

The initial surprise at Robbe’s bold move is quickly replaced with a beaming smile as Sander squeezes his hand gently and gets up too, laughing when Robbe bumps their shoulders teasingly because hey, he’s still a teenage boy and sometimes likes to act like it. Also, he needs to do something to distract himself from the fact that he’s holding Sander’s hand. The fact he can feel a thumb softly grazing his knuckles, almost absent-mindedly, does not help. He'd think their playfulness and cheek kisses would make it all easier for him, and yet here he is.

He’s feeling carefree and drunk on his feelings and this evening and Sander’s smile and when they get close to the spot, Robbe sets his hand free and jogs over to the small ice cream booth, turning around to do a small “taa-daa!” with a big grin. Sander’s laugh at his shenanigans is music to his ears and he loves how the previous frown is now officially gone from his face, features softening instead, eyes twinkling as he calls Robbe a dork, entwining their hands anew the second he’s in his close proximity. Robbe scoots even closer, like an invisible magnet is pulling them together, getting lost in his presence, the smell of his aftershave that carries notes of citrus and something woodsy, masculine, combined with the intoxicating scent of Sander’s leather jacket. The air changes around them, gets charged with tension, Sander’s face changes too, green eyes darting to Robbe’s lips that get dry under attention, and he licks them subconsciously. Just when Tiana Major9’s voice coming from the booth speaker sings when they collide, it’s a beautiful disaster, their faces tilt towards each other, Sander’s hand reaching up as if to cup Robbe’s cheek.

Robbe barely contains his whine when a loud crash from the booth ruins the moment, catching the same frustration on Sander’s face in the corner of his eye. The loaded silence is buzzing in his ears, nerves picking up and he feels awkward again, not sure whether he should just go for it or wait for a better moment. 

Sander’s chuckle brings him back from his overthinking, smiles crookedly down at him. “Come on, you gotta tell me your favorite flavor.”

His tone is light like the almost-kiss didn’t happen, but the subtle pink at the high of his cheeks gives him away. It looks like the world’s most exquisite blush, blended perfectly with the shade of his skin that has already been painted light golden with the early summer sun rays. It distracts him for a moment, his gaze stuck as his eyes wander slowly from one mole to another, lingering on his lips that are just as inviting as they were a few seconds ago, tempting Robbe to make that move, but then he feels Sander taking his hand again, this time interlacing their fingers and pulling him out of his trance.

Robbe is a vanilla guy and he can see the joke at the hip of Sander’s tongue, but thankfully, the boy refrains from the comment, the huge eyeroll he receives probably stopping him in his tracks, and he only gnaws on his lip, trying to keep the laughter in. He goes for mango, which yuck. Sander doesn’t appreciate his reaction, and they easily slip in the previous banter, ending with him smearing a bit of the ice cream on Robbe’s cheek, lips sucked in as he giggles quietly at his scandalized face.

“You’re such a fucker!” He immediately gets him back for that and they’re close to full on ice cream fight until Sander yells truce, hands protecting his face from the onslaught of Robbe’s sticky hands. Robbe smiles triumphantly at his capitulation, and goes back to licking away at what’s left of his treat.

“It kinda fits you.”

They’ve been strolling along the river for a while now, the full moon shining its light on the side of Sander’s face, making his hair look icy white.

“What?

“The mango flavor.”

Sander furrows his brows in question, waiting for an explanation. Robbe shrugs a little, eyes tracing the soft ripples on the water as he tries to find the right words.

“Mangos have a hard peel, but have a soft inside.”

“Sooo, you’re saying I’m… mushy?” Sander wrinkles his nose at his words and it’s a truly adorable sight.

“No, I’m saying you can seem, um, intimidating and unapproachable, unattainable.” His eyebrows furrow more with each adjective. “But once you get to the inside, so once someone gets to know you, you’re none of these things,” Robbe pauses, swaying their joined hands a little as he peeks at Sander’s face. “You’re nice and sweet and stuff. Even with your edgy black and white aesthetics,” he adds as the second-thought, grinning when he gets a deadpan look in return. It quickly morphs into something softer, beautifully confirming Robbe’s words.

“Okay, let’s say I’m a mango man. In that case, you’re a cutie pie,” Sander says matter-of-factly, always needing to have the last word, and Robbe can only laugh helplessly, trying not to combust under his intense glance. “Also, my black and white aesthetics are amazing, by the way.”

Robbe doesn't dare to argue with that, and he also agrees with the statement so he admits as much, making Sander very pleased. 

They walk way into late hours of the evening, huddling closer together with each passing hour in search of warmth against the coldness of the night, or at least that serves as the main excuse. Sander has him bursting in fits of giggles sharing crazy stories from his shopping assistant job and Robbe finds himself opening up about his videotaping passion, a little shy when knowing about Sander's photography skills, but the boy's eyes shine bright when Robbe mentions it, and he's so attentive and interested in everything he has to say on the topic, of the small details he geeks out about that it makes fuzzy feelings swim rampant in his stomach; it's the kind of attention he's been unknowingly yearning for, and here it is, served on a golden plate and in a package so beautiful it makes him swoon.

And he also walks him home, acting all gentlemanly and offering his jacket when the shivers shake Robbe's body a bit. What a catch.

“So, um,” Sander starts as they reach the front door of Robbe’s apartment building, his face mostly covered in shadows cast by the street lanterns. “Kiss or slap?”

The answer to the question is obvious for both of them, but Robbe can’t stop himself from teasing him a bit, scrunching up his face in a deep thought, eyebrows frowned, making Sander scoff impatiently, which is exactly the reaction he was hoping for.

Still, he needs to push him a bit more. “Hmm, I’m not sure. I should probably go with the slap for that ice cream incident.” Sander plays along, heaving a regretful sigh, before turning those pretty eyes on him, lips in a pout and hands put together in a praying motion.

“A kiss?” Bottom lip juts out and he’s just too cute for words, Robbe dropping his facade immediately, not stopping his beaming smile anymore.

He also can't fucking wait any longer.

“Okay, I gue-”

Soft lips crash into his, not letting him finish the sentence, Robbe’s clumsiness almost making him topple over, but Sander’s there to catch him, sure hands squeezing his hips and sending small shocks through his body. He rests his hand on the back of Sander’s neck, giving in to the need to bury his fingers in that messy blond hair, and he tugs, just a little, but it’s enough for Sander to sigh into his mouth and pull him closer. Robbe loves the reaction, whimpers quietly as he parts his lips just right for Sander’s tongue to slip inside, to tease at the soft skin inside of Robbe’s bottom lip. It’s all over after that, the kiss morphing from something soft and sweet to tongues sliding together, teeth clinking almost painfully in their desperation, the kiss tasting of mango ice cream and cotton candy, and it’s the best Robbe has ever tasted.

It’s better than he imagined, Sander’s hands caressing his sides as he slows down the kiss so sweet and tender, it pulls at every single one of his heartstrings. He can’t believe he has this wonder of a boy in his arms, kissing him so good, making him dizzy.

The kiss stops eventually, but they stay put, as close as before, the tips of their noses grazing against each other, warm breaths and fluttering lashes, fingernails scratching at the skin that’s covered in goosebumps.

“I have to go,” Robbe murmurs between the miniscule space between them, giggling quietly at the immediate frown his words cause.

“Nooooo.” Sander hides his face in his flushed neck, pressing a kiss there too because why not. “I need more kisses.”

And who is Robbe to tell him no, he goes willingly when Sander lifts his chin up for another one, his mouth a little puffy now. He lets him have it, not that it’s any hardship; he’d stay here all night, just lazily sliding their lips together in a never ending dance.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Sander asks when they break apart. “I’d like to introduce you to someone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You know, he’s very important to me, has been in my life for years so his opinion kinda matters a lot.”

His words take Robbe aback, but he tries not to show his discomfort, even though Sander must have felt how tense his body went. He doesn’t seem to find it weird, his face still smiling as he keeps talking about this he that’s apparently so important.

“I hope he’ll like you. He’s perfect, you know?” Actually, Robbe does not know and he’s getting kinda annoyed. He’s pretty sure waxing lyrical about someone else on a date is a faux pas. “I mean, except for leaving fur on anything he touches.”

What.

Robbe’s eyes swivel up to look at him, the corners of Sander’s lips twitching and his face a picture perfect of impishness. He groans in protest, smacking his chest because Sander did it on purpose to pull a reaction out of him and it’s not fair, damn it. He crosses his arms which proves difficult to do when there are still hands firmly holding his hips, keeping him close.

Sander rests their forehead together, swaying them a little to put a smile on Robbe’s grumpy face. “He’s a Norwegian Forest breed and his name is Major Tom.”

And this time it’s Robbe who has a hard time to keep his giggle in because oh my god, what a nerd.

“I wonder where that came from,” he ponders in a voice as serious as he can manage, but Sander sees right through him, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“It’s the bestest name ever, I’ll have you know.”

He gets shut up with another kiss, last one, the sweetest out of all of them. Then, Robbe steps out of his embrace, not trusting himself to end this when Sander's hands are touching any part of his body, and tells him a quiet goodnight, backing into the front door with Sander's soft sleep well ringing in his ears and a huge smile threatening to spread on his face.

Sander: May your dreams be filled with cotton candy 🍬🍭

It only takes a minute for his phone to ping.

And maybe some mangos too 🥭

Robbe: Just need one ��

White-haired mangos 😘

Goodnight ❤️

[hammeredalcoholic]

my only friend

kira yoshikage / reader ;

rating: mature, no 18+ content yet ; kira & reader are portrayed as 18 years old

hey my fellow gamers, i realized that i did not post this on tumblr yet. here is chapter 1 to this fic! it’s also cross posted on ao3 here.

here is a spotify playlist to go with this fic.

"believe the lies that people tell you you've lost your battle and vines and tiny thorns inside your wound,"

Kira made a mistake. He came to you, begging for you to run away with him.

You did.

chapter 2

The stars glittered against the deep blue of the night sky, reflecting softly against the stark ocean waves that licked against the calm beach. It felt so serene-- so gentle, and still. Like time had stopped or slowed, your breath just barely ghosting over your lips. 

It was nice.

Metal pressed against your back, warmed up by your body heat, stiff and hard but yet still so soft. It felt almost too good to be true-- a beautiful night like this. No kids and families stomping all over the delicate sand, interrupting the sound of the waves crashing against rocks. 

A small sigh lifted you from your thoughts. 

Glancing over, you carefully eyed your companion. His blonde hair tousled and glowing in the moonlight-- ice blue eyes cast out against the sea. He was truly something of beauty himself, had you not known what he was really capable of. 

“What’s on your mind?” The words fell from your mouth without a second thought, almost dropping to a whisper. He shook his head lightly, his eyes being torn away from the water to look at you. 

Such a pretty shade of blue. Pale and glistening-- like a fresh dew on the first day of spring. 

A light drizzle against hard asphalt, pooling and shining-- only to be gone in a second’s notice.

“Just-- A lot on my mind.” Ah, so it’s like that.

Yoshikage never dared to tell you what he was thinking upfront. He didn’t want to seem-- vulnerable? Is that the right word? Weak. Docile. Bound to break. It didn’t seem fair. You were always so-- Strong. Incredible. Someone to look up to. Someone who could clean up his mess.

Sighing softly in response, you leaned back against the cool glass of the windshield. Shuffling through your pocket, you pulled out some cigarettes and a lighter you had managed to pick up from the corner store, thanks to Killer Queen. 

Carefully snatching one out of the pack, you quickly lit it and took a long drag. The smoke filled your lungs, heavy and harsh, causing a small shiver to run down your spine. Nicotine was the best way to end a long day. 

“Those are awful for you.” Yoshikage’s words drifted to your ears, and you blew the smoke in his direction. He flinched and coughed, using his hand to try and maneuver the offending cloud away from him. “Hey! That was uncalled for.” 

“Don’t tell me things I already know, Yoshi.” Your tone dripped with sarcasm, and you shot him a sly grin. “Besides, can’t I have a little break once in a while?” As soon as the words left your lips, Yoshikage slumped in his spot. 

“Where are we going to stay tonight?” The question drifted to your ears, his voice soft and oh so gentle. You shifted your leg up to press against your chest, letting your arm wrap around it. “I dunno. I saw a motel back in town, looked decently cheap.” 

Your partner nodded his head in agreement. “Looked kinda dirty, though.” You had to hold back a laugh at his comment, bringing your cigarette up to take another drag instead. “We’ll be fine. Killer Queen can always just kill any unsavory guests we encounter.”

His eyes drifted back out to the ocean, and his hands twitched in his lap. “I can feel another urge coming on.” Blinking at his words, you let your head sit on your knee, nursing the smoke you had in between your fingers. “Think you can wait until tomorrow?” You asked calmly. 

Yoshikage nodded quickly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, pulling his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah. I could also use a hair cut.” Grinning against the fabric of your jeans, you laughed. “I’m sure we could find a barber shop. Unless you want me to do it.” 

His eyes opened wide, and he snapped his head over to you. “I’d never let you near my neck with a pair of scissors.” You laughed at his comment, shaking your head just slightly. Taking a final drag from your cigarette, you put it out against the side of the rusty car. 

“Are you ready to head that way then?” 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 

The drive to the motel was quiet, much like all of the other drives you took together. The radio softly played in the background-- some upbeat song that you couldn’t really catch the lyrics to, but it seemed like Yoshikage enjoyed it. His fingers were tapping against the passenger side door, in tune with the beat. 

You tried to remember where the motel was, only catching a glance of it earlier. It was on the main road through the town, so it wasn’t hard-- ah. There’s the sign. 

Pulling the car into the parking lot, you parked in a lane that was a decent amount away from the lobby. Yoshikage looked up from his seat, glancing at you. He knew what to do-- it was always like this. Opening the car door and stepping out, he began to slowly walk towards the building.

The air was blowing softly, causing a shiver to run across his arms. Pulling the sleeves of his sweater down, he clutched them to his chest. It was definitely a lot cooler now than it was at the beach. Reaching the door fairly quickly, he pulled it open and stepped inside the dimly lit room.

The man sitting at the counter was elderly-- heavy set, reading some sort of newspaper, his glasses practically falling off his nose. Yoshikage cleared his throat softly, moving closer to the desk. “Excuse me,” He stated quietly, “Do you have a restroom open to the public?” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Killer Queen materialized behind the man. The stand’s eyes were trained on the set of keys hung up on the wall, trying to decide which one it would take. The elderly man barely looked up from his paper, blinking slowly at Yoshikage. 

“Did you not read the sign on the door?” His voice was harsh, somewhat irritated. It made the younger boy’s nerves tingle, and his hands twitch in his sleeves. “Oh- I suppose I must have missed it,” Yoshikage answered, trying hard not to let his voice quiver. 

Killer Queen had successfully grabbed one of the keys from the hooks in the meantime-- pulling it off carefully, and holding it in it’s hand. After the task was done, it’s eyes went to a stack of magazines that were sitting on the other side of the desk. Kira mentally tried to get it to stop-- “No! Killer Queen--!” 

The magazines flew to the floor in a rush, and Queen quickly deposited the key into Kira’s pocket. The man at the desk jumped in shock, looking around for what could have possibly knocked the papers over. “Er-- I’ll just--” 

Yoshikage made quick work of turning around and leaving. He mentally scolded Killer Queen for causing a scene, before pulling out the key from his pocket. Room 312-- it must be on the other side of the motel. He can at least thank his stand for that.

Quickly sliding into the passenger seat, the blond sighed quietly. “Our room should be on the other side.” You nodded, pulling the car around the building. The parking lot was beat up, it was obvious that the back of the motel didn’t get as much work as the front would. Successfully avoiding some potholes, you managed to park the car a good distance from the rooms. 

Turning the engine off and sliding the keys out, you looked over at your companion. He still seemed to be cold-- shivering just slightly, his hands buried in the sleeves of his sweater. It was cute. “Hey, let’s hurry and get inside. You look like you could use a warm shower.”

His eyes met yours for a split second. 

They were soft-- delicate, almost. Frosty blue dancing along in the shitty light of the lamp posts. 

But there was something else there. 

An emotion-- you didn’t quite know how to describe it. 

He looked away as quickly as he had looked at you, just barely nodding his head. “Yeah,” His voice was small. “Let’s go.” With that, Yoshikage opened the door and got out, walking towards the staircase on the side of the building. 

Huffing out a breath, you just shook your head. Always so secretive-- everything must be so hidden with him. You understood that he liked privacy, maybe more than the average 18 year old boy would, but still. Weren’t you his closest friend?

His only friend?

Shuffling out of the car, you made sure that the door was locked behind you. Speeding up your pace, you managed to catch up with Kira, walking beside him in silence. At times like these, you really wondered why you let yourself get into this mess. 

You could have left Yoshikage on his own. You could have refused his plea, and stayed in Morioh. You might have actually finished high school. 

You might have had a different life. 

But no. You decided to be a good friend, and try to help him escape his consequences. Murder, your mind screamed at you, He killed someone. 

Was it worth it? 

Was it worth dropping everything to help him? 

Kira stopped walking, finally finding the door to your room. Being so deep in thought, you accidentally walked right into him, stumbling back slightly and losing your balance. Just when you thought you were about to hit the cold concrete of the floor, something caught you. 

Yoshikage was looking down at you, Killer Queen holding you against his chest. Sometimes, he really wondered about you. 

“Are you okay?” He didn’t sound angry or upset-- genuinely concerned. That snapped you out of your thoughts within seconds, looking up at him like a deer in headlights. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you.” He just shook his head, a dumb little smile playing against his lips. “C’mon. I think you could use a shower too.” 

Ah.

That’s right. 

Despite whatever crime he may have committed-- Yoshikage Kira is your friend. He has been since elementary school, playing with you and only you. He’s been the only steady companion in your life-- and for that, you’d do anything for him. 

Even if that meant dropping everything.

Fumbling with the key, the blond managed to open the door with minimal struggle. The room was small-- one king sized bed pushed to one corner, a dusty TV on an equally dusty entertainment center, and a small grimy bathroom. It definitely wasn’t any 5 star hotel-- but it would do for tonight. 

Walking in, you kicked off your shoes by the door, and flipped on the light switch. It flickered for a few moments, before finally setting the room in a hazy yellow light. Yoshikage followed behind you, kicking off his own busted chucks and shutting the door behind him. He glanced around the room, before settling on the bed. 

The one bed. 

It wasn’t much of an issue for either of you. Kira didn’t shy away from giving you physical affection-- it wasn’t uncommon for the both of you to cuddle up in the same bed after a long day of driving. It was nice, in your opinion. 

You walked over to the bed and sat down, stretching out your arms, and yawning slightly. “Do you wanna shower first? Or should I?” Yoshikage smiled at you, before moving to sit beside you. “Go ahead. I think I’ll just get up and take one in the morning.” Shaking your head at his response, you grinned. “I dunno, you kinda smell.” 

Mocking offence, Kira glared at you. “Hey! I do not!”

“Stinky boy. Fine, I’ll go shower. Find something good to watch before we go to bed, then.”

Getting up, you grabbed the remote on the TV stand and threw it towards the bed. You shed your jacket on the way to the bathroom, letting it fall to the floor with a dull thud. 

The bathroom wasn’t the cleanest you’ve seen, but at least the water in the shower ran. As the stream warmed up, you took a minute to look at yourself in the mirror. Kira mentioned something about getting a haircut at the beach, and it seemed like it wasn’t a bad idea. Less hair to have to deal with, the better.

Shedding your clothes, you stepped into the shower. The water was nice and hot, hitting your skin and letting all the stress of the day melt down your back. It was a great way to recharge, and calm yourself down before going to bed. 

Using the cheap soap that the motel provided, you washed your hair and body, revelling in the basic smell of mint and lavender. It was nice that Kira had Killer Queen-- it gave you guys the opportunity to not have to sleep in the car, as well as giving you both basic hygiene. 

You kinda wished that you could see it. A “Stand”, as he had once called it, was supposedly your embodiment of a fighting spirit. You weren’t sure where he had learned that, but you chose not to question his sources. From the way that Kira described Queen, it seemed to be a big cat. 

Almost like a sphinx, pink in color, wearing only a small blue skirt with gloves and sandals. If Yoshikage was to get any animal to be paired with, you were happy it was a cat. It mirrored him so well-- calm, quiet, with the occasional thirst for chaos. 

As you slowly got out of your thoughts, you realized that the water had started to turn cold. Quickly shutting off the shower, you stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying yourself off. Bed sounded absolutely amazing right now, and you wondered what Yoshikage had managed to find on the TV. 

Slipping on your pants and shirt, you stepped out into the room. 

Kira was laying on the bed, tucked under the covers, his button up and khakis discarded on the floor next to your jacket. Glancing at the TV, it was some form of late night sitcom, with boring characters and an uninteresting storyline. Dropping your other clothes into the pile, you walked over to the bed. 

“Want me to turn the lights off?” Yoshikage nodded his head just slightly, his eyes already dipping with sleep. “Yes, please.” 

Walking over and flipping the switch, the room was cast in darkness, aside from the low brightness coming from the TV. Moving back over, you slid under the covers, making yourself comfortable. Yoshikage practically latched onto you the second you joined him, pulling you close and settling his head against your chest.

You sighed slightly, letting a smile run along your lips. 

“Good night, Yoshi.” 

“Mmm, night.”

[lupinblacktheone]

"So, I was thinking": a modern college!AU:

Johnny is bored. He has already finished all of his crosswords; all of his friends are busy minding their own business and won't pick up their phones.

Classes won't begin until next Monday. Johnny arrived at his dorm last night and he doesn't know when his roommate will be there. All he knows about this person is his name: LaRusso, Daniel.

Wondering about this mysterious boy could set Johnny free from his boredom. Is he a nerd? Or a drama kid? Johnny hopes he won't sing all the time. Of course he likes music (who doesn't?), but musicals... he isn't ready for them yet.

It would be nice to have some common likings with him. Maybe horror movies or breakfast for dinner (well, Johnny is so broke that he eats it for all meals, basically).

Remembering the old times, which weren't good, not at all, tugs at Johnny's heartstrings. He doesn't miss arguing with his parents all the time, but he certainly liked not having to iron his clothes himself. And he misses messing around with Tommy, Jimmy, Bobby and Dutch after school.

Oh, and Karate! Johnny misses it so much that it hurts. He couldn't find a Karate club to join (is this a thing? In Johnny's opinion, it should be. There are clubs for everything in this campus. If he can't find one, he'll form one). Maybe he can practice with Daniel and he could be the second member of the Karate club.

"Hello! I'm Daniel!"

Johnny stares at the boy. He's short, dark-haired and has round brown eyes.

"Johnny", the blond boy gets up, approaches Daniel and shakes his hand. "Can I help you unpacking?"

"Please", Daniel sighs and rubs his neck. "My mother just dropped me off and turned the car around. I barely had time to say goodbye. Can you believe it? I think she wants to rent my room while I'm gone, but I don't think I'll be going home anytime soon. How about you?"

Obviously, the first thing Johnny learns about Daniel is: he's a chatterbox. Second thing: he's from Jersey. He lives with his mother and would love to learn martial arts, but her mother wouldn’t let him because she’s afraid he will get hurt.

"I know Karate", Johnny confesses with a little smile.

***

Sometimes, Johnny regrets having told Daniel about his passion for Karate, because the kid didn't stop begging Johnny for some classes until he finally gave up.

Their dorm is too small and they would destroy it sparring there, so Johnny decides to have the class outside, behind the gym. Daniel said he would meet Johnny there after dinner (and yes, Daniel also has breakfast for all meals, since he is just as broke as Johnny).

December is on the way, so Johnny is wearing as much sweaters as he can (including his Cobra Kai jacket). He leans his back against the red brick wall and puts a cigarette between his lips.

Daniel shows up some minutes later, carrying a heavy messenger bag on his shoulder and wrapped in hoodies and coats (he has lots of cool hoodies; Johnny loves to borrow them and he is using the baseball one right now).

"Ugh", Daniel puts the bag down, massaging his shoulder.

"Are you ok?", Johnny asks with a worried look on his face.

"Perfect. Let's do this."

They get on fighting positions and spar for a while. When they get tired, they walk back to their room, peacefully talking about the day.

"Let me carry this for you", Johnny picks the messenger bag, even though Daniel has already bent to pull it.

He places it over his shoulder and Daniel walks beside him, ranting about his lame Calculus professor.

"I couldn't convince Mrs. Warter to postpone the paper's due date", Johnny complains when Daniel asks about his day. "I'll be lucky if I get a C on it."

"Do you want me to help you?"

Yes, please, he almost answers. Johnny enjoys having Daniel around. They don't have many common likings besides Karate and breakfast food, but he really enjoys staying up late with him, sharing their only desk (Johnny begun to work as a cashier in a store near the campus and Daniel writes other people's assignments for money and they are saving money to improve the place) and laptops on study sessions. Or to spend rare and lazy Sundays in their room, doing crosswords (Daniel bought some magazines and gave to Johnny). Or to share breakfast meals in the middle of the night because they can't sleep.

"Are you free tonight?", he asks, his voice sounds desperate, just as his eyes.

"Is this a study session or a date?", Daniel replies jokingly and raises an eyebrow. "Sure. I can help you."

Johnny opens his laptop and shows Daniel what he's working on.

"I mean, it's not bad, but could use some adjustments here and there. Let's get to work."

Daniel presses the keyboard keys hard with strong movements that emulate a pianist, but with perfectly tied hair. His brain is formulating what should be in the text and getting rid of what shouldn't be read by Johnny's professor.

"I think we're done here", Daniel declares.

"Thanks. I'm gonna buy you a coffee tomorrow, with extra cream."

"Much appreciated", the boy winks and Johnny's heart skips a beat. "So, I was thinking..."

"What a miracle", Johnny teases, smiling to distract Daniel from his blushing ears.

"Anyway, are you going home for Christmas?"

"I don't think so. You?"

"Also no. I don't have enough money for a ticket to Parsipanny."

Daniel looks at Johnny for a moment. His blue eyes are usually shiny, but now... he's more than just sad. Johnny looks depressed and scared.

"Are you alright?", Daniel reaches for Johnny's hand. "You can talk to me. I'm here for you."

Johnny doesn't talk. Instead, he goes for a hug. A big and warm hug. He clings onto Daniel as if he was the only thing keeping him from being blown away.

He doesn't want to cry. However, he can't fight the tears anymore. Daniel holds Johnny, trying to keep him together only with his bare hands. He doesn't try to whisper comfort words in Johnny's ear, he just stays there, providing his roommate all the support he can.

That night, Johnny falls asleep in Daniel's arms. He has never felt this safe before.

The next morning, Johnny rushes to the closest cafe shop to get the nicest cup they have. He drops by the dorm to put the coffee on the desk with a note: To the best roommate ever. Thank you for everything. Love, J.

He sends the paper to Mrs. Warter as soon as he takes a seat in the computer lab for his first class, hoping Daniel's help can save his poor ass from failing Warter's class.

A few hours later, Johnny is waiting for the last class to begin so he can get to work. Not that he likes standing up by a counter telling old people where they can find raisins, plum juice and other things old people buy. But at least, he gets to listen to his music and does little pieces of homework between a client and another.

There is something Johnny can't do at the store: see Daniel. Too bad they don't take many classes together, because every time Johnny sees Daniel entering the classroom, the world changes. It becomes brighter and more beautiful. He knows it's cliché, but Johnny is tired of pretending to be the perfect son, athlete... he just wants to be Johnny.

And Johnny is brave.

"So, I was thinking...", Johnny says when Daniel sits by his side.

"That's unusual", Daniel lets out that amusement air through his nose. "What is it?"

"Do you wanna go out? With... with me?"

That is really unusual. Johnny never was this reticent before. Not even when he noticed he had a crush on Ali Mills.

“Yeah, sure. When?”

“How about Friday? My shift ends at 5:30.”

“Sounds great.”

***

Johnny spends Christmas in his dorm, with Daniel. They curl up on Johnny’s bed, wrapped in Daniel’s hoodies, solving crosswords puzzles and drinking tea while listening to Johnny’s music. Neither of them wants to talk about their families.

Growing up as an only child, Johnny never had to share his things. He wouldn’t even allow Ali to read his poetry (he wrote some about her, tho), or let his friends go through his Spotify playlist. Not because he's embarrassed to like these songs, but because the lyrics describe him so perfectly that he's not comfortable with someone listening to it in front of him.

When he met Daniel and found out they could be good friends (maybe more than that? Johnny certainly hopes so), he felt an urge to take the boy on a journey through his world. First, they shared Karate, then crossword puzzles and went on and on, discovering little things about one another.

“Huh… I couldn’t get you anything for Christmas, so I wrote you a poem. Wanna hear it?”

Daniel doesn’t say anything, just gets closer to him as Johnny clears his throat and searches his notebook for his newest composition. Once he finds it, he puts the paper in front of his eyes (he was brave enough to ask the boy out, but not to have that lovely brown eyes gazing at him while he reads his feelings out.)

“I loved it, Johnny. Now get ready for your present.”

Johnny doesn’t close his eyes when his lips are pressed by Daniel’s mouth. It feels so good that they do it again and again until they fall asleep, holding each other.

***

Graduation is almost here. Most students have moved from the dorms or plan to do it soon. Daniel and Johnny, on the other hand, haven’t mentioned the matter yet. As you can imagine, they don’t want to live with their families again. The only thing Johnny wants is to stay with Daniel and he wonders if Daniel wants the same thing.

“Hey, Danny”, it was supposed to be a nice and quiet study session before the finals, but Johnny can’t hold this down any longer. “I was thinking… do you wanna live with me?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re never getting rid of me, blondie.”

[peachymarkeu]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓾𝓮

10th floor, said the female elevator voice. I grab my huge blue suitcase and get off the elevator. As I was walking, I could hear my feet collide with the floor in every step I took. A few more steps and I arrived in front of a door colored in a very dirty white which was almost similar to the wall’s color. A few inches above my eye level I see numbers which were made with a shiny gold material. I took a deep breath as I stared at the numbers.

“127” I said in a whisper which was barely audible to anyone that would be around me.

In my hands were silver keys that were given by my parents on my 18th birthday. These keys not only unlocks the apartment but also unlocks a new chapter in my life. 

“Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you~” was the first thing I heard when on a very early morning. My parents continued to sing while holding a Saeng Cream Cake, my favorite kind of cake, which was decorated with colorful lit candles. On the cake, there were texts written in sky blue icing. It read ‘Happy 18th Birthday Yuna Love, Eomma and Appa’

“Happy Birthday my daughter!” my Appa greeted me with a huge smile.

I thanked him and gave him a hug. 

“Aigoo, my daughter is no longer a baby” my Eomma spoke as if she was about to cry.

“Eomma, don’t cry or else you're going to make me cry too” I told her in a whiny voice which made both of my parents laugh.

“Yuna get up and get ready, your Eomma and I have a surprise for you” my father told me.

I quickly got up and went to the bathroom to get ready. My phone was connected to my bluetooth speakers so I started blasting music to brighten up my day even more.

90’s Love by NCT U is now playing on Spotify

I combed my hair and brushed my teeth while dancing around and belting out lyrics from my favorite K-Pop group NCT. After doing everything that I needed to do inside the bathroom, I went outside to pick my outfit for the day.

I was throwing clothes out of my closet one by one, creating a mess in my room. Every style of clothing I put on did not satisfy me one bit. It was getting quite frustrating until I saw a yellow flowy dress with flowers printed on the bottom part of the skirt. I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror.

‘Dang girl you looking fine today’ I thought to myself as I was twirling around in my dress right in front of my mirror.

I paired my dress with white Nike Air-Force 1’s and white ankle length socks. I left my wavy brown locks as it is and put the smallest amount of makeup on.

After getting ready I head downstairs to the dining area where my parents were waiting for me patiently with smiles that looked as if they were very excited.

“Where are we going?” I asked them while pulling my chair out and taking a seat.

“It’s a secret, you’ll find out later on.” my Eomma told me which made me very curious.

We ate a lot during breakfast. My Eomma prepared all of my favorite food for breakfast. There was the kimchi fried rice which was topped with a perfect sunny side up egg, samgyeopsal with peanut sauce prepared by my Appa, and fresh fruits that we bought from the market yesterday. I ate all of my food and even ate a small slice of my cake for dessert. My stomach was so full that it would burst anytime soon.

Right after breakfast we went out and got inside my Appa’s car. He started driving in the streets of Myeongdong. While he was driving, I decided to put on my earphones and listen to more music.

0 Mile by NCT 127 is now playing on Spotify

Looking outside the window of the car,  I can see all the busy people crossing the streets wearing blazers and polo’s. I also saw street vendors fixing their items in their stalls placed at the sides of the road. Smoke was coming out of the food stalls that were selling very yummy street foods which made my mouth drool.

Shortly, I saw a sign saying we were nearing Gangnam.

“Eomma, Appa, why are we entering Gangnam?” I was very uncertain of why we were going there.

“You’ll see.” my Appa answered while he snickered. I saw my Eomma smirk at my appa too.

5 minutes later we stopped in front of an apartment building. I was still uncertain of why we were here but I still followed them inside. We entered the building's elevator and my Eomma pressed the 10th button.

“Eomma are we meeting up with someone?” I asked her but she did not reply. Instead she just looked at my Appa.

7...8...9...10… 10th floor, the female elevator voice said. We got off the elevator and proceeded to walk the halls. We arrived in front of the door which has the numbers 127 on it. My Appa took my hand and my Eomma placed a cool metal on my palms. I look at it and see 2 silver keys.

“Happy Birthday Yuna, welcome to your new apartment!” both my parents cheered happily.

‘Oh shit’ I screamed in my mind.

“You’ll be moving here in 2 weeks aren’t you excited?” my Eomma said cheerfully.

“Um-oh yeah I'm so excited...yey” I said in a very unsure voice.

I unlocked the door with the keys and entered my new home. As I entered, I saw a very spacious living room which was already furnished. It had a huge gray L shaped couch in the middle paired with a wooden coffee table. In front of it was a smart TV which had speakers on each side.

 I entered the kitchen which had a breakfast table with lights hanging above it, an induction stove and a refrigerator which was a foot taller than me. I then went to my bedroom which was designed in a modern fashion. There was a queen size bed in the middle with black and gray duvets, two night stands which were made out of wood, the lights were quite dim which made it feel very cozy.

 At the end of the room was a huge glass window where you could see a great view of the city. The bathroom was covered in gray and white marble and had  the typical shower, toilet, sink and all. 

I dropped my suitcase on the floor and proceeded to trust fall into the bed. I took a few deep breaths.

“I’ll be ok. I”ll be just fine.” I told myself.

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 14)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2525

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift; 3AM by Halsey; When The Party’s Over by Billie Eilish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up, you felt like shit, and not because of the drugs and alcohol that only recently vacated your system. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. Did you really kick Hayden out? Were you honestly that far gone? 

Yeah, he broke your heart. He wasn’t the first asshole to do it, but he did stick around. Maybe that was because he had to though.

No, you knew better. He had enough money to stay at a hotel, but he stayed with you. He cared about you. It just hurt so bad to not have him any more. You hadn’t said you loved him, not yet, but you did, you loved him with everything you had and he just… broke everything. 

 Maybe you should go apologize.

Pulling yourself out of bed, you slipped on a comfortable shirt and yoga pants before you trodded out to the guest room, Hayden’s room. You knocked on the door before poking your head in. 

Only, there was nothing there. All of his things gone. His suitcases absent. No note, no letter, not even a post-it note. 

A choked sob escaped you. You knew you kicked him out, but you gave him until the next night. He was already gone?

So much for staying. So much for caring. 

No text, no call, no letter. It seemed as if he truly did want to be gone from you. 

Fine. If that’s the way he wanted it… Wish granted. 

------------------------

Months went by and you tried to forget him, tried to turn your pain into art.

Trey worked hard to get your EP ready. You had several tracks that you wanted to feature and he did enjoy your lyrics and tune. He was happy to work with you and the other members of your band to get the sound you wanted. 

By the time the singles were released, you were already becoming a hit. You hit all of the media platforms and your work exploded, sending you soaring to the charts. You weren’t quite topping them yet, but you were definitely being demanded on the radio and your Youtube and Spotify numbers were great, rising all the time. 

As time went on though, your addiction only grew. With Hayden out of your life, the glaring reminders that you lost all your old friends, and none of your old boyfriends seemed to ever love you, there was nothing to stop you from becoming nearly dependent on the drugs and alcohol. 

You’d never been like this in your life, but you’d never been at such an odd time in your life either. On every romantic and personal front, your life was a total flop, a zero sum. But your career, your dream job was finally taking off. The world was your oyster, you were rubbing shoulders with musical big wigs, meeting huge names and musicisinas. 

Between the complete amazement you were in from being discovered and having your heart broken for the last time, you were a mental mess. 

Hayden wasn’t just another guy. Jason was just another guy, just like every ex before him. 

But Hayden, he was different. When you and Jason split up, it wasn’t the man you mourned, but the death of yet another relationship. With Hayden, you missed him, not being together. You missed the light he brought to your life. You missed the way he supported you. You missed the way you two could joke about movies together. You missed how you could act completely goofy and silly and he joined in. 

You loved him, you were in love with him, and he pulled the rug out from under you.

That was why your habit of using coke was slowly getting worse. You managed to keep your job, for a while, keep the desires away. Then you started to get where you were barely sober for that too and just when your boss mentioned it, you decided it was time to leave anyway. You put in your two weeks and left gracefully.

As soon as you were no longer tied to the hotel, Trey put you in every lounge, venue, and club he could find. You were singing all of your songs on your EP. Every night you did a show, you got off the stage, got drunk or high, or both, and then you crashed. 

Same routine, every night. 

Anything to numb the pain of losing Hayden, of feeling like your life was in shambles. It wasn’t just losing Hayden, it was realizing you had no close friends, no one else to lean on. He’d become your best friend, your confidant, your lover. He was everything you ever wanted or needed, and he was gone. 

Neither of you had sent any messages to each other. It killed you, but you had to move forward, if that’s what you could call drowning your sorrows in a bottle or a baggie. 

Tonight, you just got done singing a set and you were hanging out with Darren, Veronica, Brad, and Tai. Unbeknownst to you, Hayden was actually about to make a stop by this bar. He had some contacts in your circle, a few people he knew in the music world that he asked to keep an eye on you, and if you got too out of control or needed help, they should let him know. He also watched your Instagram and Twitter, keeping an eye on your partying that way.

He’d gotten a few texts before about you, just an update on how you were, but tonight was a red alert from a guy that was somewhat in your circle. He watched you as you did a bump of coke, drink whatever was passed to you, and you were all over everyone in the bar. It was a sloppy mix of drunk-high. You held onto everyone, laughing, trying to crawl on the bar, making a complete ass of yourself. 

Typically your antics were cheered on because everyone in your scene was pretty wild, but even tonight some of them were worried about how you were acting. 

Hayden made his way downtown as soon as he got the text, looking for the bar. Finally, as he walked by, he saw you through the window. You were laughing, throwing your head back, hanging on other people, and trying to dance. 

You were a mess, and that was obvious. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line before going into the bar. He made his way over to you. He wanted to say he felt relief when he saw you, but he didn’t. He just felt worse. He wasn’t an idiot about your drug abuse, he also wasn’t stupid to see what had triggered it. He just thought it was stupid for you to get mixed up in this shit over him. He wasn’t worth it. 

He could see how it was affecting you. Dark circles painted your eyes, your clothes hung loosely on your body, you looked as if you were awake solely from the drugs. He hated how bad you looked.

“Hey,” he greeted loudly over the bar music and patrons. 

You looked over and saw him, your eyes going in and out of focus. “Oh my god, it’s you! Hey! Stay! Have a drink!” you encouraged as you fell all over him, putting your arms around him. In your current state, none of the pain that would’ve normally come from seeing him happened. 

“Hey, no, I’m good. This isn’t really my scene. Y/N, you seem really far gone, do you want me to take you home?” 

You pushed away from him, frowning. “What? No, why would I want that?” You reached in your purse and grabbed something, about to put it in your mouth. “I’m having a good time here, Hayden. You should try it,’ you urged giddily.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he demanded as he slapped the little white thing out of your hand. “Was that fucking E? On top of what you already have in your system?”

“The fuck is your problem?” you ordered, angry.

“My problem is you destroying your life and your body,” he informed.  “I’m taking you home,” he stated firmly. He started to turn you around and push you outside. Everyone started to look your way. 

“No, you aren’t!” you protested loudly, moving wildly, but he just persisted. He went around in front of you, grabbed your wrist, and tugged you outside and started walking you down the sidewalk until you got yourself free of his hold. “Jesus! What the fuck is your deal? Those are my friends. I’m having a good time!” 

“A good time?” he demanded, his voice reigned in anger. “You think this is a good time? You’re out of your fucking mind.” 

“Hey, Mr. Entertainment Business newsflash,a  party-girl image is great publicity. Trey encourages this so long as I’m fine to record.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that your producer endorses you getting high and drunk, as long as you’re off the clock.” 

“You aren’t my handler, you’re not my parents, yo’re not my baby sitter, so just fuck off.”

He stared at you, clenching his jaw. “If you want to stay here and become like---If you want to stay here and party, that’s fine, but I’m done. I’m done with this. I’m done watching you ruin your life and throw so much potential away. I’m not gonna stick around to watch you drive your self into rock bottom when I’ve tried like hell to get you to wake the fuck up.”

“You didn’t stick around! Newsflash, asshole! You left! You left me high and dry.” 

“You kicked me out!” he reminded. “After I tried to approach you about your addiction. And I did stick around, you just didn’t know it.” 

“You didn’t approach me about it, you attacked me about it. Besides, what the hell do you mean you’re not going to stick around or watch me? You haven’t been around.” 

Letting out a sigh, he ran his hand down his face. “When I left, I may have asked some friends to keep an eye on you. I told them to update me if you were getting worse or better.”

“You were spying on me?” you asked, gasping.

“No, I just had people keeping an eye on you. If they were at the same party or something, they’d just let me know how you were doing.”

“Oh, nice to know you cared so much,” you retorted, rolling your eyes. You were getting more and more sober with the fresh air and the anger.  

“I do care. I think I’m the only one you know who does’ fucking care about you. I’m the only one not letting you just become an addict. I’m fighting for you.”

“Oh, is that what you were doing when you broke up with me? Fighting for me?”

He glared at you. He didn’t want to have this conversation. “Yes, I was. I was trying to make sure we were making the right choice.”

“Oh, spare me the bullshit!” you shouted, your head falling back. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the lies. Just be honest with me. You didn’t care about me, you didn’t love me, you wanted a rebound. You weren’t worried about the both of us. You’re just like everyone else. You wanted something to distract you from your ex leaving you and I was the perfect replacement. Then when you got bored, you cast me aside.” 

“You weren’t a replacement! You weren’t my rebound,” he yelled. 

“Then what was it?!” you screamed. “Because from where I stood, you and I were perfect, more than perfect. We could spend time with each other, lean on each other, support each other, we lived together, I met your child, we had date nights all the time and all of that just -- you ended it. Without warning. We didn’t even talk about it. You didn’t even ask me how I was feeling, if I cared about you. You just decided for the both of us that it would be better if this wasn’t a rebound. But it wasn’t ever about that. It was about me taking putting someone else before me like I always do, and I’m the one who got fucking hurt, not you.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry that you got hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It hurt me too. And it hurts like hell to watch you do this to yourself. You think I liked watching you come home high and drunk all the time?” 

“I don’t imagine it bothered you too much. We weren’t dating any more.” 

He shrugged. “So? Just because I’m not dating you, it doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about you.”

“See, in my world, it does. You don’t break someone’s fucking heart then try to tell them you still care. You’re the one who decided to date me. I asked, you shot me down. Then, when I was really happy, when I thought this was real, that we had a shot, that this was something that would last and you just ripped it away. No conversation.” 

He shook his head. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for that. I am. I should’ve talked to you, but is this really what you want? You want to be so numb and fucked up on drugs you can’t function?”

“I can function just fine, thanks for checking in!”

“I can’t believe you’re fine with this. You’ve been so strong since I met you. Going after your dream, working hard at your job, you never would’ve given into this bullshit, despite what happened between us.” 

“Yeah, well shit changes. Clearly you know that.”

“Nothing changed. I cared for you then, and I do now.” 

You scoffed. “Spare me, alright? It was clear to me after you left you never gave a shit. I licked your wounds so you could heal and then you left me. Fuck off. You don’t get the right to tell me where I can hang out, what I can do, or when I can do it.” You got in his face, your voice low before you turned around to head back inside. 

He stood there more upset than he had been when you two first broke up. He wasn’t sure what he thought he would gain from coming out tonight. He just thought he could save you from yourself. He knew he was the reason you went on the downward spiral but he didn’t know how to fix it. 

He bit his lip to keep from crying as he watched you rejoin your friends and pick up a shot glass and knock it back. He shook his head as he turned to walk down the street.

He couldn’t keep doing this to himself, or to you. He needed to move on. He couldn’t watch you suffer any more. He had tried to help you. Every time he did though, you turned him down - hard. 

With his heart heavy, he took a taxi back to his new hotel and tried to forget all about you.

If only it were that easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876​

@magpiegirl80​

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​

@marvel-imagines-yes-please​​

@missinstantgratification​​

@thejemersoninferno​​

@rda1989​​

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Hayden Christensen:

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History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​​

[tiriansjewel]

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

~~

~~

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming
You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

[kurogiriis]

A/N: *I had to re-upload this bc tumblr is annoying* Apparently you guys really liked HOH Bakugou, so I guess I have no other choice than to write some more 😌 technically, 🤘 this means rock on, compared to 🤟 which means I love you but let���s just say the reader does 🤟 because they don’t know the difference lol not that it really matters since I just noticed JSL has a completely different sign for this 😔 Also, I absolutely ADORE rock, it’s my #1 genre so, excuse me while I plug my music taste into the reader’s playlist *ends up mentioning like 3 bands and they’re not even my faves smh* Also, this ended up being really long 0.0 I just love this headcanon.

HOH Bakugou with a crush who’s really into rock and accidentally does the ILY sign

💥 When Bakugou first met you, he was immediately attracted to you. 

💥 You were powerful, talented, smart, and most importantly, had a good music taste. 

💥 Fortunately for him, you were also really into him and enjoyed his company. 

💥 Unfortunately, neither of you were aware of the other’s feelings. 

💥 You and Jirou were always talking about new releases from your favorite bands in class or music from older bands you had rediscovered. 

💥 During the school festival, you became closer friends, spending time together during rehearsal. 

💥 Although he would never admit it, he wanted to spend more time with you, even after the event was over, switching seats to be closer and asking you to pair up during projects. 

💥 However, the more you hung out together, the more you noticed his unusual behavior when you listened to music. 

💥 At first, you began to think it was second-hand embarrassment. 

💥 After all, nothing could stop you from acting like you were in an actual concert when Bohemian Rhapsody or Kimi to Iu Hana played on shuffle, singing loudly off-tune and banging your head while doing what you thought was the rock on sign 🤟. 

💥 Every time you listened to your favorite songs over your headphones, he would always look uncomfortable, maybe even flustered. 

💥 One day, he just couldn’t take it anymore. While you were waving your hands around and singing out loud, he just snapped. 

💥 “Could you stop doing that fucking sing!” 

💥 “Huh? This one? 🤟” 

💥 He was blushing while he said it, looking away while muttering something under his breath. 

💥 “Yes, stop doing that, it doesn’t mean what you think it means, idiot.” 

💥 “What does it mean then?” 

💥 “Look it up, I’m not your encyclopedia.” 

💥 With that, he left your room, leaving you to wonder what that whole conversation was about.

💥 After hours upon hours of weird google searches seriously, try to describe hand signs with words you stumbled upon an ASL website explaining common mistakes beginner ASL learners made. 

💥 One of the first ones was how many did the I love you sign when they actually meant to do the rock on one. 

💥 You were confused at first. Why would Bakugou know sign language? But finally understood the reason he was flustered all those times. 

💥 When it finally dawned on you the meaning of your gestures, you felt very embarrassed.

💥 You had a big crush on Bakugou but telling him you loved him before you were even dating was a bit too much. 

💥 “How do you know sign language?” you asked the next day during homeroom. 

💥 “I’m going deaf,” he said matter-of-factly. 

💥 It all started to make sense and wanted to ask more questions, but class was already starting. 

💥 Once the period was over, he pulled you aside and explained further. 

💥 “My explosions,” he explained, “the bigger and louder I made them, the worse my hearing got. Before you say that you’re sorry for me out of pity just know I’m still better than all these fucking extras and I’m gonna be number one no matter what.”

💥 “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” you responded, being met with a pink tint on his cheeks. 

💥 Over the following weeks, you started to pick up some sign language and tried to communicate with Bakugou using it, seeing that it was easier for him to understand. 

💥 The time you spent together, becoming closer friends, the more your feelings for him grew, and, as cheesy as it sounded, you planned to confess to Bakugou with some of your favorite songs. 

💥 At first, you planned to follow that old trend of making a spotify playlist and confessing through song titles, but the songs just didn’t match. You just couldn’t have a rap song followed by two pop songs and then by modern and classic rock just for the sake of forming a coherent sentence. 

💥 You wanted to go with something that conveyed your feelings while not being too forward. This proved to be a difficult task. 

💥 There were a seemingly infinite amount of songs talking about love and heartbreak, but it seemed impossible to find one that truly resonated with how you felt. After all, you really liked Bakugou, but you also wanted to take things slow, wanting to actually tell him you loved him when you actually meant it and not during a silly misunderstanding. 

💥 After hours of scrolling through your playlists, you finally found one that was perfect. 

💥 At first, you were gonna go with IWBYL by Breimen, but I wanna be your lover might be taken out of context. Then you thought about going with What I Like About You by the Romantics. It seemed like a perfect option until you noticed Bakugou didn’t fit any of the things they mentioned in the lyrics. Crush by Tessa Violet also seemed like a good option until you imagined how you would react if someone made you listen to that song. It sounded a bit obsessive, so you decided to go with something else. 

💥 Feeling defeated, you thought about planning another way to express your feelings.

💥 You pressed shuffle on your playlist while you opened your laptop to look for ideas. 

💥 That’s when you heard the chorus.

💥 “Come over here and sit next to me” “We can see where things go naturally” 

💥 Although it wasn’t what you originally planned, the song just fit. You decided you would make him listen to it and explain afterward if he didn’t understand. 

💥 During one of your study sessions, you tapped him to call his attention. You had the song prepared on your phone and were planning to hand him one of your headphones, knowing that waiting for someone to listen to a song you recommend while in silence is possibly the most awkward feeling known to man. 

💥 As you held the device towards him he just looked at you in confusion. 

💥 “What?” 

💥 “Put it on.” 

💥 “I can’t, in-ear headphones mess with my hearing aids,” he said, annoyed at your ignorance. 

💥 “Oh.”

💥 You went back to your books. You knew you had to do this today or else you would chicken out forever. Tapping him for the second time, he turned towards you. 

💥 “What now?”

💥 Carefully, trying not to mess up regardless of your nervously shaking hands, you signed I like you. 

💥 His cheeks went crimson as he looked at you in disbelief. 

💥 “Are you sure you signed that right?” 

💥 “I hope so,” you said with a nervous laugh, signing it again carefully and adding a lot at the end. 

💥 “I-,” he was speechless and managed the seemingly impossible feat of turning even redder before nervously signing back I like you a lot too.

[alex-writes-things]

Dancing With Olivia

‘Well I know that you’re in love with him,

‘Cause I saw you dancing in the gym

You both kicked off your shoes

Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.’

TW: blood, injury

I push open the door to the empty gymnasium, an empty plastic cup in one hand and a single rose in the other. As the door swings shut, the sound of music dims. I am just about ready to slump against the wall when I hear something. Or rather, someone. I can’t see them, but they’re crying.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Ethan,” she says loudly. At first I’m impressed that she has the guts to send away Ethan, probably the most popular boy in the year, and then I realise that she’s his girlfriend. I freeze against the door.

“Not Ethan,” I say after a moment.

Olivia Waller gasps. I follow the sound to where she’s crouched behind a pile of gym mats, clutching her phone and a small handbag. “Oh, I’m so sorry- I assumed, I didn’t mean to-”

I can’t help but smile. She looks stunning even with her hair escaping its braids and with her lipstick smeared on her lips. “Here,” I say, and hold out my hand.

She takes it gratefully and I pull her to her feet. She sways a little and I steady her with my hands. A shiver runs through me at her touch. “Thanks, Louise.”

“Call me Lou,” I mutter, a little surprised that she even knows my name. She blushes and nods.

“Lou’s a nice name.”

Her voice is soft; my stomach flutters with hundreds of tiny butterflies. I try to push them out, but they only multiply as I realise that we haven’t moved an inch. My arms are still around her waist. “Sorry,” I say, and step away. She looks disappointed, but I try to hide the fact that the room feels much colder all of a sudden and lead her over to one of the long wooden benches that line each end of the gym. “Are you all right?”

“I’m- I’m relieved to be rid of him,” she admits, then claps a hand to her mouth.

“You broke up with Ethan?”

She laughs. “Yes. Yes, I did. I don’t like him one bit- well, I do, as a friend. But never as a boyfriend.” She spits out the last word like it’s a curse. I smile to myself.

“That’s great. I mean, I’m glad for you,” I say.

She looks up at me, and suddenly our faces are so close that they are almost touching. I glance from her eyes to her lips and back again, and she gives me a half smile. Nerves knot in my stomach, and I set down the cup and the rose, and then something unbelievable happens. She leans into me and kisses me softly on the lips. I am too stunned to react, and she pulls away, but then I grab her face and pull it quickly back to mine, filled with a sudden fiery heat, something like joy.

I melt into the kiss, warmth spreading through me, the butterflies swarming and lighting me up from the inside, and bury my hands in her hair. She smiles into my lips. I smile back. After a moment, she pulls away, grinning wildly, and jumps to her feet. I grab her hand and she leads me to the centre of the room.

It feels like a fairy-tale as she pulls me close and whispers, “Let’s dance.”

“Okay,” I say lightly, “but that music is shit.”

Olivia gives me a long look and pulls her phone from the pocket of her prom dress. She opens Spotify and I watch as she scrolls past about fifty playlists before she reaches one titled ‘Dancing In An Empty Ballroom’.

This is our empty ballroom, and she presses play.

I rest my arms on her shoulders, and she wraps her arms around my waist, and we begin to dance, the music filling me up slowly, rolling and turning like the tide. I stare into her eyes, beautiful green eyes, and watch as she mouths the lyrics to the One Direction song that came on first. It’s all I can do not to close the space between us with a kiss, but I like watching her sing. I join in on the chorus.

We shout the words more than we sing them, but it’s okay. And when I realise what she’s done, I laugh, because the words I happen to be singing are, “I live for you, I long for you, Olivia,” and she’s smirking like she’s the queen of the world, which she probably is.

“Don’t let me go,” she sings, and pulls me into her, pressing her mouth to mine. I breathe in her wonderful scent and break the kiss only to lean my head on her shoulder. The next song to blare from her phone’s tinny speaker is Taylor Swift’s Love Story, a beauty of a song. I almost choke on my own saliva as Olivia does an over-exaggerated performance for me, spinning across the room to the bench.

It becomes apparent what she’s doing when she hands me the rose I had with me earlier, giving me a sloppy bow as I take it from her. I throw back my head and laugh. Warmth swells in my chest. “You’re so great,” I say over the music.

I can tell my the blush in her cheeks that she heard me, but she shouts back, “What?” and cups a hand around her ear.

“I said, you’re so great!”

I dissolve into a giggling mess as she does it again. “Come on, I didn’t hear you, what did you say?”

I almost scream it this time. “You’re so great, Olivia.”

She launches herself at me, almost sending me crashing down to the ground with a bear hug and peppering kisses on my face. “I know,” she laughs, and then adds, quieter, “I’m also a little bit tipsy.”

I shove her against the wall and lean over her, enjoying the way she’s staring at my lips and teasing her with one hand in her hair. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” I say quietly.

“I don’t think you did.”

“Well, Olivia, you look beautiful.”

“You know what? You’re not bad looking y-” I silence her with a kiss, flames licking the space between us.

And that’s when we hear it. The unmistakeable creak of the door being pushed open, and then the gasp. So loud that it could almost be comical. Except that it isn’t, because it’s real.

“Olivia,” Ethan says, his voice low. I try not to look at him. My stomach ties itself in knots and I can feel myself begin to shake. The music stops, and she must have turned it off, but I want it back. Now all that I can hear is thick, dangerous silence. “Olivia, what the fuck?”

She doesn’t say anything, but when she extracts herself from my arms, it is all I can do not to explode. “Ethan,” I say.

“You- you’re sick,” he spits.

“No. No, we aren’t. I suggest that you- that you leave us alone.” Olivia trembles beside me, so I take her hand. She squeezes it, and tears sting my eyes.

“No, how about you leave my girlfriend alone. Get your hands off her,” he growls.

Olivia laughs shallowly. I can hear a sob trapped in her throat as she speaks. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Don’t try to fool me.”

“She’s right. She’s mine, not yours,” I cut in. And this is too much for Ethan. A vein pulses in his neck and he flexes his hand, a dangerous glint in his eye. I step in front of Olivia, my heart racing, and that’s when he delivers the first blow.

Dark spots crowd my vision. Everything stops. There is only pain, and white hot anger. “How dare you,” I hear Olivia screaming, and then she falls silent. I sway on my feet, trying to grab hold of her. My fingers close on empty space.

Ethan’s fist slams into my cheek again, this time sending me crashing to the floor. I push myself to my feet and throw a desperate punch in the direction of his attack, and my fist comes into contact with flesh, but my head is pounding and I drop to a crouch, burying my head in my hands.

Somebody help us, I think numbly. A heavy boot slams into my temple, and I cry out.

“Next time you cheat on me, I won’t have it in me to forgive you,” Ethan says off to my right. I spin to see Olivia kneeling on the floor, her jaw bruised but otherwise unharmed. Thank goodness. Nausea washes over me.

“No chance,” she whispers. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I already broke up with you.” I try to laugh, but all that comes out is an odd gurgle. Thankfully, his only response is to storm out of the gym, leaving a path of destruction behind him. The door slams.

Olivia rushes over to me, and I fall into her arms. “Lou?”

“I’m okay,” I murmur. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. You need help, Lou, I need to get help, I’m so sorry.” She has very pretty eyes. “Oh my god, Lou, stay with me- please. Listen to my voice. Just listen. We need to get you some help. Lou. Lou, don’t go. Lou…”

I think about her dress, and for one strange second I can almost see bloodstains on the silk. And then everything is dark, and it is gone.

[rkjunhyuk]

                                         BANG JUNHYUK                     STARBRIGHT 2020 ROYAL CALLBACK

KARD - Bomb Bomb (1:05 - 2:00) Rapping to B.M and J.Seph parts Dancing to B.M’s parts

of course he was disappointed at first when trc didn’t offer him a callback. but that small feeling of disappointment didn’t really last for very long when he found out that royal was offering him one. which was funny, as well as surprising, as it was neither his first or second choice when it came to companies. though he did have a royal entertainment flyer stuffed away in his bedroom somewhere. though he was pretty sure it was probably old and out of date by now so that didn’t really matter very much. all that really mattered to him was that at least one company wanted him enough to give him a chance to audition properly in the first place. 

and of course he was a little nervous about having to showcase two skills instead of one. it was just the rapping he had to worry about he would no doubt be feeling a lot calmer about the whole situation. but really the excitement was overwhelming the nerves. this could really be it. after a small one minute performance he could really be offered a contract and start on the long road towards debut. and maybe it was foolish to already be thinking so far ahead of himself, but the teenager really couldn’t help it very much. he’d been working for years already just to get this chance, and now it was right there in front of him. all it took was one solid performance to prove that he could do it. and he was nothing but confident that he could pull this off. 

from the beginning he thought it might be an amusing idea to try and combine his skills on a skateboard into things. but after thinking about it for a little longer he realized that was an incredibly dumb idea and it was probably better if he didn’t do something like that. he wanted to try and take this seriously. it was his dream and his future on the line and he didn’t want to go and mess it up because he had had decided to not take it 100% seriously. that’s when he started to looking towards rapping and both dancing. while dancing was not something he was completely confident in, he had dabbled about enough with it to feel as though he could copy a choreography with a little bit of practice. 

actually finding a song he was comfortable with took more time than he was expecting. it was hard to find a song that had enough rapping for him to showcase while also having a good dance routine to it as well. june could easily imagine that vocalists had a lot easier time with this, but he wasn’t about to give up. while it took a little time scouring the internet and scrolling through his spotify playlists for inspiration he eventually came across something which would be interesting to do. while the just under a minute clip he had managed to secure had a little bit of vocal parts as well, junhyuk wasn’t planning on singing those bits. 

then start the practice, starting with learning the rap, just constantly rapping the words over and over again in his bedroom mirror, watching his reflection, trying to get the right facial expressions. then it was the dance, watching the mirrored choreography video over and over again, learning step by step, dancing in time with the video until he was sure the whole one minute dance was drilled right into his head. finally it was a mixture of both the rapping and the dancing. admittedly, it was a little harder than he thought it was going to be trying to put the two of them together, but after a couple of hours of endless practice he was actually managing it. and it wasn’t very long at all until he was feeling confident in himself, ready to go and put on a really great performance that he could be proud of. 

the day of the callback the nerves were starting to come back. the slightly twitching fingers, unable to sit still as he rode the bus to the company. and the whole time he had his headphones plugged into his ears, softly rapping the song under his breath, unable to stop himself from moving slightly to the choreography as well. and sure, he was getting some pretty strange looks from the people around him, but junhyuk didn’t care. this was his last chance to get in even a little bit of practice so he was hardly going to let it pass. 

just standing there staring up at royal entertainment, junhyuk the butterflies in his stomach, even if he was trying to just swallow them down. he almost couldn’t imagine himself coming here every day and to be able to call himself a trainee. but the teenager knew that he wanted it, he was desperate for it. and that surely had to count for something? he was sure they would be able to see how hungry he was and how willing to do anything he was just to get his chance to even train. he was still young, junhyuk knew that, so there was loads of time to achieve his dream. but starting as young as possible was not going to hurt anybody. 

he recognized one of the other royal callbacks as the girl he had met during the speakup event, but the boy he didn’t. though junhyuk was trying not to think about them as he stood there waiting for his turn. getting distracted was not a good idea and he didn’t want to start worrying about how good these other people might be. this was all about him, it was his moment and he just had to keep himself completely focused on the task ahead and pull through in one piece. 

when he finally heard his name his heart did a small leap in his chest. this was finally it. so junhyuk found himself standing up just a little bit taller, trying to seem as confident in himself and possible as he held his head up and walked into the room, smiling as he stood in front of the small panel of people and the camera pointed right at him. don’t panic, he knew he could do this, he was talented and he was just about to prove it. don’t think about the fact he was performing in front of the ceo or he was being filmed. this was all just in a days work. it was fine. 

“hello,” he greeted politely, smiling as he bowed just under ninety degrees before straightening up again, the smile still on his face, “my name is bang junhyuk and thank you very much for this opportunity.” and he couldn’t mean those words any more, he was thankful he was even getting the smallest of chances to show his stuff. he could have very well never have gotten a callback in the first place. and even if today didn’t work out for him, he still wanted to leave feeling happy that he had put in his best effort and couldn’t have done anything different. 

but now there was no more talking, nothing else he could say. all he could do was do his short performance and hope that it at least impressed someone and showed he had some potential to be great one day. 

as soon as the music started he was in character, expression changing to something far more charismatic like a switch had just been flipped in his head. all the nerves just gone as he went right into the first rap like he had practised over and over again. 

i see u eyeing on me 원한다면 come get a taste 신호를 보내 눈빛에 써있네 you thirsty all thirsty for this

너의 움직임에 더 홀려가게 she whine it drippin like faucet 적셔가 열정의 땀에 이 곡이 마쳐도 no pares y dame woah

the choreography was sharp but junhyuk was trying to show a charismatic and powerful rapper side to him as well. he wanted to act as though he had been doing this for years, that rapping and dancing just came naturally to him. he was extra careful not to put a foot wrong, keeping the timing in the back of his mind as he moved and flowed with the beat of the song. and next came a short vocal bit, but he didn’t actually sing along, not really willing to prove how little singing ability he had. instead, he had just left the female vocals out of it. but even so he still found himself mouthing them a little under his breath, almost as if he was keeping himself in time as he moved towards the next part of the song. 

you make me 맨정신 못 차리게 어지러워 어질러 내 맘을 왜

more vocals for a second, to june allowed himself to focus on his dancing, keeping it sharp and powerful, just like the original. this was a strong song, upbeat and something you wanted to get up and jump around to. and he did have to hope he was successfully managing to show that and the panel of judges weren’t just sitting there getting bored of watching him already. but if they weren’t impressed yet, he was sure now the chorus was coming up they might change their mind. it was almost impossible not to at least bop your head in time with the music. 

at least, it was for him. 

나와 함께 새하얗게   Make it burn make it burn 매일 밤밤 

then came the strong beat of the chorus and junhyuk didn’t hesitate to go right into the strong dancing. and just the sound of his feet hitting the floor as he moved was quite satisfying to hear, unable to keep the grin off his face as he performed. this really was what he loved doing, being able to stand there and entertain and inspire other people. june simply couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without music, without the capability to rap and to dance and really do what he loved. no doubt that would be a sad and lonely life indeed and not one he wanted to live. which was why he was so desperate to do well in this, if only to prove that he could stand up to people much older than him and prove that age wasn’t everything. 

오늘 밤 내일 밤 매일 밤밤

wildin’ all day wildin’ all night wildin’ all day 난 매일 밤밤 wildin’ all day wildin’ all night wildin’ all day 난 매일 밤밤

as he got through the last little bit of the lyrics and the chorus finally came to a close, junhyuk tried to finish as powerfully as possible. his foot hit the floor on the last beat and he straightened up, holding his hands in front of him as he held the last position for a moment, sweat starting to shine on his brow and chest heaving with the amount of energy he had just wasted in the fifty-five seconds he had been performing. and he felt the burn from his limbs, but the boy was still smiling all the day. he was proud of himself and what he had just done, proud that he had gotten through it solidly and was pretty sure he didn’t put a foot wrong the whole time. 

eventually he did relax as he stood there, taking just a short moment to get his breathing under control so he could comfortably speak again before bowing forward. “thank you so much again for this opportunity, i loved it! i hope you enjoyed watching as well,” he grinned right at the camera after he was done speaking, almost having forgotten that it was sat there recording him the whole time. but he didn't mind having that performance in an archive somewhere for years to come. he was proud of it and what he had just accomplished. 

but, for now, all he could really do was smile one last time, bow just a little more before turning and finally leaving the room for the next person. next simply came the waiting game to find out if it was going to be bad news or good news. and while junhyuk was desperately hoping for the latter of the two he knew that if worst came to worst and he left this building at the end of the day without achieving his dream, he could still be happy that he had tried and done his best. and, as his father would say, that was all that really mattered in the first place. 

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Eleven

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Briana Buckmaster, Rob Benedict; Gen & Jared Padalecki (mentioned)

Masterlist - Contains Chapter Links & Wardrobe Collages

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part eleven is from the Both POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.

A/N Pt. 2: This is a BIG chapter, guys. In length and in the story. This is probably a smidge past the halfway point and as such will serve as a little intermission while I pause to work on a few other things and get my challenge started. So, grab some snacks, get comfy and dive in!

A/N Pt. 3: Below is the link to the playlist. A song used in this chapter, “You’re The One That I Want” <--(youtube link here) is a cover by Alex & Sierra, and if you listen to it where it is within the fic, you’ll have a clearer vision of how it's being performed. 

Spotify Playlist: Songs in this chapter - “ You’re The One That I Want ”

I tell her all the time, but I’m beyond grateful for all the help @closetspngirl has given me with this whole thing and specifically this chapter. Check out the wardrobe she put together for the party! She’s the absolute bee's knees! 

Chapter Summary: The fall out from the break-in, followed by a tense argument with Jensen, causes Y/N to reach her breaking point. She finally comes to terms with what she wants and tries to find a way to convey this to Jensen.

Chapter Warnings: Language, arguing, angst, smut

WC: 14K **with lyrics. Lyrics NOT written by me in bold, italic.

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online.

Tags are open if you want on, or wanna hop off.

“I’m gonna be sick…” Y/N said as she tiptoed through the living room, trying to avoid the mess of broken glass and couch remnants strewn across the floor. She tried to wrap her head around what had transpired, but she could only stand there, blinking absently at what she was seeing.

The couch had been slashed and shredded, pieces of stuffing and swatches of cloth were everywhere. The glass from the coffee table had been broken into a thousand pieces, by what she had no idea. Red wine stained the floor throughout the room and looked as if it was even sprayed on the walls.

“Jesus,” Jensen whispered to himself as he approached the place where the glass balcony doors used to be. “Who the hell wanted to get in here so damn bad that they’d throw a brick through the fucking glass?”

“Sir, if you could just stay on this side of the room, we’re still collecting evidence,” one of the officers called out from the entryway. “You shouldn’t even be here yet.”

Jensen stepped back and took Y/N gently by the shoulders, trying to comfort her the best he could.

“Excuse me,” a new voice chimed in from behind, “you’re the homeowners?”

Jensen and Y/N turned around and was greeted by an older man in his mid-sixties, in a worn dark blue suit. “Yeah, she lives here,” Jensen answered for her and shook the man’s hand.

“I’m Detective Perkins, sorry to have to meet under these circumstances,” he said to Jensen, then looked to Y/N. “I’m sure this is quite upsetting, but if you could think of anyone who may want to scare you--”

“Why would you ask if someone was trying to scare her?” Jensen asked sharply. “It's a burglary, right?”

“Well, no. I don’t think so. Upon inspection of the premises, it appears all electronics and valuables are accounted for. Of course, we will need you to look through everything to see if something’s missing, but a preliminary walk through and assessment of the damage seems more like a scare tactic than an actual break-in.”

“The whole place is like this?” Y/N asked, her voice small and lost in the room.

“Yes, ma’am. I can take you upstairs if you want. If you’d like to gather some items--”

“Yes, please,” she said and exhaled shakily.

“Y/N, I can go up if you want. Why don’t you--”

“No, I have to go. But, please come with me,” she whispered in a broken, defeated tone.

“Of course, I wouldn’t let you go alone.” Jensen took her hand in his and squeezed it, then looked at the detective. “After you.”

When they reached the second floor, Detective Perkins opened her bedroom door. Y/N walked through first and was immediately hit by the strong fragrance of perfume; her own perfume, but far too concentrated. As she walked further into the room, she noticed the closet door was open, and the few clothes that were left hanging up in there were cut into pieces and tossed around the room. The comforter of the bed was wet with what she could only assume was the remnants of her favorite fragrance.

“What the fuck?” She heard Jensen say, and slowly turned around to look where he was looking.

Written across the mirror of her dresser, in dark red lipstick, was the word WHORE. Her throat went dry, and she could feel her body go cold. She now understood why the detective said what he did. This was meant to scare her, right out of Austin and back to New Jersey; back to Nate.

“This has to be Nathan,” she said and took a few steps closer, but stopped, afraid to actually be within reach of the heinous violation.

“Who’s Nathan? He got a last name?” Perkins asked abruptly.

“Fowler,” she said in a near whisper. “Nathan Fowler.”

Detective Perkins took out his little notebook and scribbled down the name before tucking it away and turning to Jensen. “Where were the two of you tonight?”

“All due respect, detective, can the questions wait until tomorrow? I would really like to get what we need and get her out of here.”

“I understand that, but the sooner we can--”

“That’s not mine,” Y/N said, not even hearing the conversation happening beside her. “That… that lipstick…” she pointed at the mirror.

“Ma’am?” Perkins asked.

“The lipstick used to write on the mirror,” she said again and this time took the few extra steps towards it but didn’t dare touch it. “If it was Nathan, he brought that in himself, because it's not mine. I would never wear that color.”

“But I know someone who would wear it,” Jensen mumbled and took a closer look himself. He sighed deeply and bit the inside of his lip to try and help contain some of the rage that had been building.

Y/N noticed the change in his demeanor when his body became more rigid. “What?”

“Dee,” Jensen said through gritted teeth. “I’d know that color anywhere.”

Y/N saw his hands clenching and felt the sudden need to get out of the house. The whole place felt ugly and violated. That, more than the damage that had been done, bothered her most of all.

“Jay, let’s just go. Let them figure out who it was. You don’t know…”

“My gut says it is.”

“No offense, Mr. Ackles, but we can’t arrest someone on your gut,” Perkins replied with an air of condensation. “Why don’t you gather what you need, check to see if there’s any jewelry missing or other valuables. Tomorrow, come on down to the station and you can answer some questions for me, alright?”

Y/N just nodded. Her eyes went back to the mirror and as she saw her reflection through the lipstick crusted words, she knew that regardless if it was Dee or Nathan, they weren’t going away.

“What I need?” she mumbled in a defeated whisper. “I don’t know what to take, I don’t really need anything much I guess,” she said quietly and motioned towards the suitcase that was still packed from various bouts of traveling. “I can just take that. But I’d like to go to the loft and get a few things.”

“Well, that may be a problem,” Perkins groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. “Come on, I’ll show ya.”

The loft was the worst of all the rooms; it had been completely trashed. Papers were torn and thrown around the room. Like the downstairs, the couch had been slashed, stuffing pulled and sprinkled around like soft puffs of snow. Mixed into the fabric batting were small, gray chunks of plastic. It took her a minute, but Y/N finally realized what she was seeing.

“That’s my laptop,” she said pointing to the fragments. “Motherfucker smashed my laptop, too.”

Now she really did feel sick. Y/N wavered on her feet for a moment but Jensen was there to steady her.

“All our work…” she breathed, a swell of nausea rooting in her gut. She shook her head slowly, then was hit by an ironic bout of laughter. “Boy is Robbie gonna give me a big ‘I told you so’.”

Jensen looked at her curiously. “Uh, why?”

“The cloud. He’s a lunatic about uploading everything to the cloud. So the important stuff is saved, but… All these papers will have to be reprinted. We have to--”

“That can wait,” Jensen interjected gently. “It’s not important right now, okay? Just grab whatever you came up here for, and let’s get out of the way so they can do what they need to.”

She walked further into the room and saw the broken picture frame peeking out from under a piece of the laptop’s keyboard. The frame had been destroyed, but the picture of her father was thankfully still intact. She carefully slid it from the broken glass and folded it before putting it in her back pocket.

Y/N continued to scan the room, then began to panic when she couldn’t find her guitar. She had left it against the wall earlier that morning but it wasn’t there now. Y/N walked towards the drum kit at the far end of the room and saw how someone beat on it relentlessly with something, and that’s when she knew…

“No…” she whispered, and despite being asked not to touch anything, she began to sift through the wreckage of the room. “No, no, no…” she just kept saying over and over as the white puffs of batting were floating through the air around her.

Jensen was by her side and trying to pull her up from doing so, but it was too late. Beneath the mess of debris, was the remnants of her guitar. Slowly she bent down and found the wooden neck of her old Gibson. She cradled it for a minute and ran her fingers along the fractured frets and curled strings. An ache began to grow in her chest, and Y/N sat back on the floor with a thud, not caring about what was beneath her. The splintered piece of guitar fell into her lap when she put her head in her hands, then began to cry. Her shoulders shook silently as the magnitude of what she’d just lost sunk in. Jensen sat beside her with his arms around her shoulders, letting her lean into his chest and just cry as he rocked her gently in an effort to give her comfort. He closed his eyes and rested his lips to her hair, kissing her head and desperately wishing he could somehow make this all better.

Detective Perkins allowed them a few minutes before he cleared his throat to try and get Jensen’s attention.

“Mr. Ackles…”

“Yeah,” he said, partially turning towards Perkins, and seeing the uniformed officers waiting to search the room. “One minute.”

Jensen turned back to Y/N and brushed away the hair that had obscured her face. “Hey, sweetheart…” he tone was gentle and soft. “...we have to go. They need to get in here, so they can figure out--”

“Nate. It had to be,” she said flatly, but when she looked up at him, her eyes were anything but. They were wet and vibrating with disgust, anger, and sadness. Jensen had never seen her this way, and the look she wore broke his heart and as he used the pad of his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that rested on her cheeks.

“We need to let them prove that, then. They can’t do that when we’re in the way.”

Jensen started to stand, and Y/N followed his lead without hesitation. “Anything besides the suitcase?” he asked. “What about Mama’s things?”

Y/N shook her head. “She’s staying at the Marriott. I told her to stay here, but she didn’t want to in case we wanted the place to ourselves.” Y/N snorted a laugh and smiled apologetically, despite still trembling from the emotion she just expelled.

Jensen shook his head with slight exasperation. “Well, bless her heart, she really is something.” He waited for Y/N to retrieve the piece of the guitar from the floor before he put his arm around her shoulder, turning her towards the door and away from the heartbreaking scene.

“Ma’am, you really can’t take that with you, its evidence,” one of the officers said and motioned towards the piece of the guitar in her hand.

Y/N froze and looked at the broken instrument in her hand. She took a moment to let her eyes glaze over it because she knew that leaving it here meant she would never see it again. A touch of Jensen’s hand on the upper part of her arm gave her the strength to set it down and lean it gently against the wall.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the officer said quietly when he saw the weight of sadness in her eyes.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Jensen said and lead her from the house.

Jensen lifted her suitcase into the back of his truck and climbed into the driver’s side. Y/N was already buckled in, her fingers absently toying with the pendant he bought her. They sat in silence for a moment just absorbing everything that had happened in the span of the last hour.

“My dad bought me that guitar,” she said once he was settled in the truck. “Found it in a pawn shop near the house when I was twelve. It was old and out of tune, but I loved it and nursed it back to health. Now it’s…” she trailed off with a delicate sigh, and shrugged one shoulder up enough to brush the fresh tears off her cheek. “Where am I gonna go, Jay?” she asked, her voice small and broken. “I can’t… I don’t wanna be here, even if it's clean--”

“You stay with me. End of story,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Jensen…”

“Don’t Jensen, me. You’re staying at my place and that’s that.” He was forceful but still gentle in his tone.

“And how’s that gonna work? You’re in Vancouver now. I’m just going to live at your place?”

“Y/N,” he started, “Let’s just start with tonight, okay? Let’s go back to my house, call Bri and Mama. Tell them what happened. Tomorrow we’ll go see Perkins and figure out things from there.”

“Okay,” she said, then looked out the window. The lights from the cop cars were still disturbing the otherwise peaceful neighborhood, and it brought on a different wave of sadness. She felt the sting of tears at her eyes again but didn’t bother wiping them away.

“Hey, you alright?” he asked softly as he started the ignition.

“I just hate that this is how I’ll remember this place now. I hate that my memories of it turned so ugly.”

“You really liked this place, huh?”

Y/N nodded. “It was home. I never expected it to really feel like mine, you know? It was just a place to live when I first came here. But, I don’t know… somewhere along the line, it became home.”

She looked away from the window and back at Jensen. Seeing him there made her feel a little better, but it wasn’t enough to shake the sense of being violated. Just like the morning, he took her to the airport, she slid across the seat and tucked herself into the crook of his arm. Y/N closed her eyes and from deep within his chest, she could hear Jensen’s heart beating, slow and rhythmic, helping her find some semblance of peace in an otherwise chaotic night. 

Y/N woke up and couldn’t remember where she was. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and felt like she was hungover, yet never had a drop of alcohol the night before. She slowly blinked and stretched her arms over her head and tried to remember where she was. The scent of Jensen was so strong around her, but when she sat up from the bed, he was nowhere to be seen, bringing on a bout of disappointment. Y/N looked around and tried to recall exactly how she got there, and when she saw her suitcase was there by the bathroom door, the rush of memories become clearer in her mind.

Jensen had brought her back to his house the night before, where they sat on his couch quietly for the longest time. She didn’t want to talk. He could sense that in her so he just let her rest against him, eventually turning on the television but not really watching anything. Y/N just stared blankly at the screen while he stroked her hair and made the occasional comment about what they were watching.

When she was finally tired enough to sleep, he insisted she take his bed. Y/N remembered crawling onto the King-sized mattress slowly, and letting herself sink into the pillows with heavy eyes. She felt Jensen lay beside her then drape his arm across her side, pulling her close, then holding her that way until she was asleep.

Y/N sat up all the way and enjoyed the quiet moment being in Jensen’s personal space. Even though he didn’t get to spend much time there, pieces of him were strewn about the room and for her, it was calming. She drew her legs up into her chest and wrapped her arms around them, then rested her chin on her knee. Closing her eyes, she drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly through puckered lips, while she kept telling herself, everything would be fine. She needed to be calm, she needed to feel in control, but most of all, she needed to shower. Though she doubted that would make her feel clean. This kind of grime couldn’t be washed away with soap and water.  

Eventually, she made herself get up, and open her suitcase to find something suitable to wear for the day. Y/N went into the bathroom that was right off the bedroom and saw the pile of fluffy towels he’d left for her.

Y/N shook her head and chuckled softly. “This guy. He’s too much.”

As she stood under the nearly scalding hot water, her mind drifted to the scene at her house. It was just a mess. No one had been hurt, and anything that had been broken was easily replaceable. Well, almost. She felt the sting of tears again and fought them back. Instead, she tried to focus on Jensen.

He wasn’t even supposed to be in town yesterday, she thought as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair and let the water cascade down her back. She felt lucky to have him, though there were still plenty of moments in any given day where she was still baffled about how she did have him in the first place.

Out of the shower, and dressed for the day, Y/N just finished running the brush through her hair when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in,” she called and waited for the door to open.

“Mornin’ Trix,” Jensen smiled softly, the crinkles deepening around his eyes. “Sleep alright?”

“Morning,” she said and placed the brush back in her suitcase. “Not bad I guess. Where did you sleep? You weren’t here when I woke up.”

“I, uh… I went downstairs and slept on the couch for a little while.”

“Why? You could have stayed, it’s your bed after all.”

“It’s fine,” he said, waving her off. “You hungry? I could make you some breakfast.”  

Y/N shook her head, and moved towards him, closing the gap between them. “I’m good for now. Maybe after the police station. I need to be there soon, right?”

“Yeah.” Jensen seemed nervous. His muscles were noticeably tense and it wasn’t like him to be in the room with her for more than a minute without reaching out for her, or touching her in some kind of way. She knew his signs and could see he wanted to say something, but either didn’t have the nerve, or was being cautious in starting the conversation.

“Something on your mind?” she asked and grabbed his crossed arms to pull him closer. He unfurled them and embraced her, as hers went and around his waist.

“There is, but it can wait until after. I wanted to make sure you were alright after everything last night.”

“I’m as good as I’m going to be for the moment. So, talk to me, what’s up?”

Jensen kissed her forehead and broke apart from her embrace. “I have to go back to Vancouver tonight. I’m sorry that I can’t stay--”

“It’s fine, Jay. Mama is in town for a couple more days. I can stay with her at the Marriott--”

“No. Hell no. You stay here,” he said pointedly. “You can stay here for as long as you want to.”

“I can’t do that,” she said and ran her fingers through her hair. “I can’t live with you, Jensen.”

“No, I mean, I’m barely here. When I go back tonight, I won’t be back until the morning of Jared’s party and that’s next week. Bri offered to come stay here with you, too.”

“You talked to Briana about it before me?”

“She called this morning while you were still sleeping. She asked where you were going to go.”

Y/N’s head was spinning and she didn’t want to talk about this at the moment. “I don’t know, okay? Can I just go to the police station and see what they say?”

“Yeah, but, I want you to know you can stay here. It would make me feel a hell of a lot better knowing you were here and safe than in a hotel somewhere.”

Y/N sighed and when she saw how deep the concern ran on his face, she felt this was a battle that just wasn’t worth fighting. “Just till Jared’s party. Then I will figure something else out.”

“WE will figure it out,” Jensen smiled.

“No… I will. I need to handle this on my own. Find a new place of my own. I can’t have you swoop in and fix it.”

“I just want to help you. You realize you don’t have to do it alone, right? I’m here, Y/N. For you… for whatever you need.”

“And I appreciate that,” she said. “But I need to be independent, I won’t ever put myself in a position where I am reliant on another person, again. Not when it comes to something this big.”

Jensen just stared at her, fighting the urge to turn the conversation a way it didn’t need to go. He could understand where she was coming from and didn’t want to belittle her need for self-reliance.

“Ok,” he agreed and decided he wouldn’t press the issue. “Whatever you wanna do. But, you’ll stay through the week, at least?”

“Yes, ‘til then. At least.”

“Ok good. Thank you. Oh, you know… after the weekend of Jare’s party, we leave for comic con. You should come.”

Y/N was in the middle of adjusting her layers of clothes and stopped mid-motion. “To San Diego?”

“Yeah, why not?”

She snorted a laugh and shook her head. “No thanks, I’m good.”

Jensen scrunched his face, slightly offended by her response. “No thanks? Why not?”

“There is so much to do, Jay. I can’t just up and go to San Diego. There are at least three separate meetings planned with the high school kids to work on the sets for the theater. Not to mention dealing with the carnage of the office.” She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes at the notion of the paperwork catch up she would have to do now. Everything had been organized in the office, and while it was backed up digitally, she needed to scour through everything with a fine-toothed comb.

“You can work from there. It will be fun! Come on, I promise--”

“No!” she snapped. “I… I don’t--I can’t go to San Diego, Jensen. Why are you pushing this so much?”

Jensen’s mouth pulled taught and he folded his arms again, while his tongue ran nervously across his bottom lip. “Because I don’t like the idea of you being here alone.”

“But, you literally just said--”

“Yeah, and Briana will be here, so you won’t be alone.”

Y/N sighed and rolled her eyes. “So now I can’t be alone? What the hell? Jay, this is crazy... why are you being pushy?”

“Crazy? You wanna talk crazy? Last night some lunatic threw a brick through your back door then proceeded to SLASH things all over the place. Slash! Y/N, with a fucking knife! What the hell would have happened if you were home? Hm? What the HELL would they have done to you?”

“The thought crossed my mind and its scary as hell to think about. But I wasn’t there, and I’m fine. I can’t live my life scared… not again,” she said as calmly as she could, but inside she felt anything but calm. Her mind flashed to how she lived after getting out of the hospital from when Nathan hit her. Y/N promised herself she would never live that way again.

“They could have hurt you... Raped you! Killed you! I don’t know! Then what would I have done?!” He had never raised his voice with her before and only did so now because he was scared. It was written through every line on his face, in every vein that pulsated with his blood. His jaw was clenched and his fists were methodically opening and closing as he tried to release some of the tension he felt.

Y/N was speechless. The fire in Jensen’s expression was new to her, and it caused her breath to catch in her chest.

“If you think for one damn second, that I’m going to risk the life of the woman I love just because you need to prove how independent you are--”

Y/N’s stomach dropped. “What the fuck did you just say?” she asked cautiously, the words nearly sticking in her throat.

Jensen was confused at first, unsure of what part she was referring too. But then his shoulders fell at the realization of what he said. He didn’t regret it, because it was true; he was in love with her. But this wasn’t how he wanted to say it, and by the expression she wore, he could see it wasn’t what she was hoping for, either. There was no going back now though, regardless of whether she wanted to hear it, or not.

“I said,” he took a couple steps closer to her. “I won’t risk your life, the woman I am in love with just so you can be stubborn and independent.”

Y/N took a step back from him, dazed by his admission. Suddenly she couldn’t look at him. A burning bout of rage erupted from her gut.

“Why would you say that, now? So, I would fall into your arms and do what you wanted?”

“What? No! I meant what I said, Y/N. I do, I love you! I certainly didn’t mean to just blurt it out, but I would never use it to manipulate you! You should know me better than that.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what I am thinking. My head is so turned around with everything that’s happened, Jensen. From meeting you to crisscrossing the country, to Nathan, to the break in, to… fucking… Dee and her God damned phone calls. I am exhausted! Mentally, physically, just exhausted! So, I’m sorry, if I misinterpreted your grand declaration, but fuck you very much for doing that right now!”

Y/N immediately regretted the harshness of her reaction. But it wasn’t something someone could take back so easily. The way Jensen’s expression fell broke her heart because the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. She just wanted room to breathe, clear her head and try to comprehend the events of the last twenty-four hours.

The room grew completely silent as they stood there staring at each other. It was less than a minute, but that minute felt like forty years. Y/N closed her eyes and exhaled deeply, knowing this needed to be addressed, but she just couldn’t right then.

“Look, I need to clear my head and get some air. I’m going to head to the police station and get that over with. Can we talk when I get back?”

“Yeah, sure. Take the truck. Keys are on the kitchen counter,” he said quietly, his eyes staring straight ahead, unable to look at her as she walked past him.

“Thanks,” she rasped and headed towards the door to the room. She hesitated before walking through, wondering if she should stay and try to fix things. But with the way her head was buzzing and the anxiety churning in her gut, she thought it better to follow her instincts and just give them a bit of space. She wasn’t running away, just calling a timeout.

“I’ll call you and let you know what they say,” she said with a small sigh, hoping it would ease some of the tension she’d just caused.

“Good, thanks.” Jensen still didn’t turn around. He stood in the middle of the quiet room trying to wrap his head around what just happened. When he heard the front door close from below, and the familiar sound of his truck’s engine in the driveway, he finally turned and headed downstairs.

 Twenty minutes after Y/N left, Jensen was half lounging on his couch, one leg stretched out across the cushions, one hanging over the edge. His arm was covering his face with his eyes closed. He wasn’t sleeping but trying to rest his mind and hush the self-destructive line of thought that was giving him a headache. The soft knock at the door made him slowly stir from the couch. It stopped and started more than once by the time he got there to open.

“Alright, Jesus…” he grumbled and pulled the door open.

Briana’s smiling face greeted him along with a very bright sun. “Rise and shine, sleepyhead!” she sang and pushed her way in while holding a tray of disposable coffee cups, and a bag full of donuts. “I come bearing gifts. Where’s Y/N?”

Jensen closed the door behind her and helped to relieve her of the tray of coffee. He carried them into the kitchen with Briana following close behind.

“Uh, she left for the police station about a half hour ago,” he said, pulling a cup with his name on the side out and drinking it greedily. He sighed with relief as the heat of the coffee warmed his throat. “Thanks for the caffeine.”

“My pleasure,” Bri smiled, then immediately furrowed her brow. “Why are you here and not with her at the police station?”

Jensen snorted a laugh and tilted his head to the side slightly. “Long story.”

“I got time, coffee and donuts, Ackles. Spill it.”

Trying to ignore her, Jensen picked up the bag of donuts and peered inside. He could feel Briana’s eyes on him and realized there was no way she was going to stop asking. He rolled the bag back up and tossed it back to the counter.

“I had planned to go with her, but she wanted to go alone,” he sighed. It was the truth, sort of.

“Mhm, and?”

“And… what?”

“You could have insisted you go. This can’t be easy for her.”

“I pushed her enough this morning. I wasn’t going to do it again.”

“Pushed her how? What the hell happened?”

Jensen leaned back against the counter and took a drink from his cup. “We were talking about where she could go now. She doesn’t want to go back to the townhouse, and I don’t blame her. So I told her to stay here, what we talked about.”

“Right, makes sense. She didn’t go for it?”

“Not at first, but eventually she agreed to at least stay for the week, til I’m back again.”

“Alright, so what’s the problem then?”

“I tried to get her to go to San Diego. She doesn’t want to--”

“And you tried to push her to go?”

“Yeah. But… I got pissed, scared, is more like it. I can’t help but think about what could have happened to her, Bri. What if she had been home when that happened? I cannot get that out of my head. I could have lost her.”

“Did you tell her that?” Bri asked quietly.

Jensen nodded. “That and then some.”

“Explain, please.”

“In the midst of trying to make a point I blurted out that I was in love with her,” he said with a wince and watched Briana’s expression transform into a mix of surprise, excitement, and panic.

“Oh… Jensen… how--how did that go over? I thought you weren’t going to tell her yet!”

“Wasn’t on purpose, Bri. Trust me. And it did NOT go over well.”

“That’s why she went alone,” Bri mumbled in understanding. “That makes more sense now. What did she say?”

Jensen gave her a look that said, ‘please don’t make me answer that’, to which Bri understood perfectly and relented.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” she said and walked around the kitchen to give him a hug.

Jensen didn’t realize how much he needed one. He returned his friend’s hug, suddenly very glad she was there and forcing him to talk about it. When they pulled back from the embrace, Bri immediately balled up her fist and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What the fuck, Bri!? What was that for?”

“For telling her you loved her in an argument, ya dumbass,” she snorted and shook her head. “You don’t do that! Especially not the first time you’re gonna tell a girl you love her!”

“I told you it wasn’t on purpose! You didn’t have to hit me, damn.”

“Well next time you need to stop and think before you speak. That girl has gotta be spiraling right now. She was already overwhelmed with work, it’s why me and Mama are even here. She needed help. Then, the break-in and now this. She’s on overload, Jensen.”

“Why didn’t she tell me she was that overwhelmed? I’ve told her--”

“Right, and she’s just as stubborn as you are! You were in Vancouver. She wasn’t going to interrupt your schedule there for help with traveling, paperwork, and setlists... backdrops, social media… you name it, she’s doing it. My point is, she was already on the edge of having a little breakdown, and maybe what you said just pushed her over.”

“That’s the last thing I wanted,” he said. “Why is it whenever you feel like things are good, something comes along and just kicks you right in the balls?”

“That’s life, my friend,” Bri mused. “I guess you can only thing you can really control is how you respond.” She shrugged and looked at him with a tilt of her head. “So, how you gonna respond to this one?”

Jensen gave her a deadpan stare and shook his head. “Do I look like I know what the hell I’m doing?”

Bri laughed. “Do any of us?” She pushed off the counter and stood directly in front of him, taking him by the upper parts of his arms, and forcing him to look into her eyes. “Please, do not let whatever she said to you this morning, derail the amazing potential you two have. You, my friend, have a girl that is head over heels crazy for you. She’s scared as hell that she’s going to lose herself in loving you.”

Bri let his arms go and gave him a warning look. “Now, I just violated best friend code to tell you that, as it came from a confidential conversation during a night of girl talk.” She wagged her finger in his face. “Don’t make me regret it.”

Jensen laughed and held up his pinky. “Pinky promise.”

“Atta boy,” Bri giggled and winked at him then hooked her pinky with his. “Look, I need to run, I promised Y/N I would take this morning’s appointment over at the community college with the theater director. But, you call me or have her call me, okay? I want to know what happened at the station and with this...” she made a swirling motion with her finger in his general direction.

Jensen chuckled. “I will. Thanks, Bri,” he said and hugged her again.

She left a quick peck on his cheek. “Love ya, buddy. Hang in there, okay? Things will be fine. I know it.” Bri grabbed her coffee from the counter and headed towards the front door. With one last wave, she was out the door and off to her appointment.

It was late afternoon by the time Y/N got back to Jensen’s. She found him in the bedroom, re-packing his suitcase for the trip back to Vancouver. He didn’t sense her at first, so she watched him neatly roll up his clothes and place them into the open luggage. By the look of his slumped shoulders and slow, methodical movements of folding and packing, it looked like he was going through the motions, but she could tell that he was doing so reluctantly.

She felt terrible about how they had left things that morning and thought about nothing else, aside from the break-in; and that had only been when she was sitting and discussing it with Detective Perkins earlier. Jensen had been nothing but good in her life, but his timing of feelings was just something she wasn’t ready for right then. Somehow she needed to tell him that she just wanted to, for now, pretend it didn’t happen and keep going on the path they had previously chosen.

“Hey,” she said and took a tentative step into the room. “Need some help?”

Jensen turned around, slightly startled by her entrance, but she felt a little relieved when he smiled upon he saw her.

“I’m just about done, but thanks,” he said and placed the last item in before flipping the lid closed, but not zipping it. “How’d it go?”

“Alright, I guess. They don’t know anything yet. Perkins mostly asked about Nathan. I imagine you’ll be getting a call soon. He mentioned wanting to talk to you, too.”

“Because I brought up Dee?”

Y/N nodded and took a few steps closer to him. “I told him you were leaving for work later tonight, but he said he would call soon.”

It was Jensen’s turn to nod. He drew a deep breath, ready to try and clear the air of awkwardness between them. But Y/N beat him to it.

“Jay, I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I know you wouldn’t actually say--you know--to purposely manipulate me. I’m sorry I even thought about it for a second.”

“It’s okay. And, I’m sorry for pushing you. I don’t have the right to tell you what to do.” He wanted to say more, but he could sense she just wanted to let it go for now. After what happened that morning, he was learning more about her boundaries and wouldn’t continue to test them.

“Can we just, rewind, start over for today? I know you have to leave tonight and I don’t want you to go with things weird between us.”

“Me either,” he said and reached out to take her hand. “Are you hungry? Did you eat?”

Y/N shook her head. “Haven’t had much of an appetite today. Did you?”

“Not yet. But, I did order a pizza earlier. Figured you’d be hungry when you got back.”

“And you got me a pizza?” she asked wistfully, looking up at him with wide, dreamy eyes. “You get me. You really get me.”

Jensen chuckled softly and pulled her in with ease. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, as she rested her head against his chest and hugged him around the waist.

“We ok?” he whispered into her hair.

“Yeah, Jay. We’re good.” Y/N felt his body sigh with relief, as she looked up at him. She stood up a little straighter and kissed his lips gently.

 The rest of the evening had been quiet. Y/N recanted her conversation with Detective Perkins, they discussed some festival business and just kept the conversation light and kept clear of anything regarding that morning. Hours later, after consuming the pizza and a half of a Netflix movie, Y/N had fallen asleep, with her head on his shoulder. Jensen dozed off a few times himself until around midnight when his phone vibrated alerting him that it was time to leave. Outside there would be a car waiting to bring him to the airport, and now, more than ever, he wished he didn’t have to go.

Jensen watched her sleeping for a moment and decided not to wake her. He got up cautiously, doing his best not to disturb her. When he was standing, he gently guided her to a more comfortable position on the couch and covered her with the blanket that rested along the back. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and scribbled a note for her. He folded it in half and left it on the coffee table where she could easily see it before he left.

Once he was sure she was still in a deep sleep, he knelt beside the couch and lightly brushed her hair from her face.

Jensen leaned forward and left a soft kiss on her temple. “I know you don’t wanna hear it right now Trix, but I do love you,” he whispered.

She didn’t stir. Jensen took one more long look at her, and tried to remember every little detail; the soft sound of her snoring, the way her hair spilled across the throw pillow, how the soft glow from the TV highlighted the contours of her face and neck. The corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile, and even though things weren’t perfect he knew that it didn’t matter because he loved her. For now, that was enough for him. His phone vibrated again, this time a text from the car service letting him now they were waiting out front. He glanced her way one last time and left the house quietly for the airport.

   A week later, and Y/N was already tired of Austin’s summer. The temperatures were reaching triple digits and the humidity could give Jersey’s mid-year season a run for its money. Bri had come to stay with her at Jensen’s house for a few days after he left, which was blessedly cool and equipped with a small swimming pool out back. Unfortunately, they spent most of the time running around Austin, going from one location to the next and dealing with coming and going in and out of the heat. The only thing that kept them going was knowing how much of an impact that what they were doing was going to make on the festival, and by extension, for the city itself.  It was exhausting, but between that and spending time with Mama while she was there, it was helping to keep her brain occupied and not think about the break-in.

The day before Jared’s party, Briana left to go meet some family who was visiting in Dallas. Promising she would be back in time for Jared’s party, Y/N said goodbye from the porch of Jensen’s house and watched her go. It wasn’t until she went back inside, closed and locked the door did she realize that she was alone again. At first, she tried to ignore the feeling that was tingling beneath her outward exterior. It was a barely there sensation, but enough to make her take notice.

She picked up the phone to call Jensen more than a few times, but after their argument about her being alone, the last thing she wanted to do was admit he was right.

Maybe going to San Diego isn’t the worst idea in the world… she thought as she mulled around the kitchen, trying to decide what she wanted to do. She didn’t want to eat, or watch TV; for the first time that week, she had no desire to go for a swim. If she was being honest with herself, she just wanted to be where Jensen was.

They hadn’t talked much that week. A call or text a day was all there had been time for. She tried not to think it was due to the way things had been their last day together. Jensen had left her a sweet note, and though she was sad he didn’t wake her, she understood why he didn’t. Now, he was due home by the next day for the party, and Y/N found herself just counting the hours.

Sleep found her eventually when she retreated to the guest room she’d been staying in and laid down with one of the books she found in the living room. Her slumber was broken and filled with dreams, but it helped the time pass as the moon set and sun rose on another bright, humid day. She had woken later than she wanted but took the time to throw on her slippers and go down to the kitchen to make coffee. Once it was done, she took it back upstairs with her, sipping it slowly as she went about getting her clothes ready for the day and preparing to take a quick shower.

Y/N had just stepped out of the shower and went back into the guest room to dress when she heard a soft knock at the door. It started to open as she spun around in surprise, and pulled her towel close against her.

“Hey, Y/N are you--” Jensen’s face came through the door. The instant he saw her in just a towel he froze.

The air in the room suddenly felt thick, making it hard to breathe. Jensen and Y/N locked eyes every so briefly before his gaze continued down the length of her body. Seeing her like that--skin still wet and glistening, and MORE of her than he’d seen before--especially after not seeing her for a week--left him reeling. Jensen felt more than just a twitch of arousal beneath his shorts, then quickly looked away, and apologized profusely.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize… I’ll go--let you change…” he stuttered and moved nervously out of the room, leaving Y/N to laugh.

“Just give me a minute,” she called out and tried to calm the rush of heat that flourished in her cheeks. Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, her heart racing from the momentary encounter. She figured it was just because he took her by surprise, but deep down she knew it was all because of how he looked at her. Somehow, she got herself together, got dressed and met him downstairs a few minutes later.

Y/N found Jensen in the kitchen, leaning on the island counter with his elbows, scrolling through his phone. When he saw her, he stood up straighter, a dream-like expression on his face, and a smile that brought out the crinkles around his eyes.

“I, uh, I’m sorry about that… I just… I figured you’d heard me come in, and…”

“It’s fine. No big deal,” she said, her heart still beating faster than normal. “What time do we have to leave?”

“Uh, now, actually. Just got a text from Bri, she’s running late and will meet everyone at the dock.”

“Dock?”

“Yeah, apparently Gen is having this luau in a private cove. She thought it would be fun to rent a big ole boat for everyone to get there.”

“Oh… and how are we getting back? Also boat?”

“No,” he chuckled, “she hired a car service or rentals, I don’t know… either way, there are cars there to take people from the cove to wherever they wanted to go. This way they can leave whenever they want.”

“Seems like she thought of everything,” Y/N said and moved further into the kitchen before leaving a canvas tote bag on the stool. “I grabbed a change of clothes, just in case.”

“Good thinking. I should too. Let me do that and we’ll go.”

She watched him run upstairs, taking them two by two and expelled a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Things had been fine between them, and even after the unexpected encounter upstairs, something still felt off. Not terribly… but for the first time since, forever, he didn’t try to touch her in any way. She tried not to worry about it, but not all of her old self-destructive habits were gone. In the time between him going up and then coming back downstairs, she had herself convinced that he had finally lost interest.

“Ready?” he asked, slinging a Jansport over his shoulder.

“Mhm,” she mumbled, then grabbed her bag, forcing a smile and praying he didn’t see the fear on her face.

 As they pulled up to the dock, Y/N could immediately pick out their group ready to board when she spotted Jared towering over the lot of them. Jensen grabbed their bags from the bed of the truck and handed Y/N hers as they walked down the sidewalk towards the group. Once all the hugs and greetings were dispensed, everyone boarded and found a place to settle in for the two-hour ride to the cove.

The moment Robbie saw Y/N, he pounced on her. “My girl! You’re here and that makes me very happy. Missed you! Also, we really, really need to chat. Today might not be good, but what are your plans tomorrow?”

“If today goes as I imagine it will, my plans will be to nurse the hangover I assume I’ll have. Why? What’s up?”

Robbie pulled her down into the galley and away from the crowd. “What do you mean, what’s up? Um, you got your house broken into and the loft was destroyed. WE have too--”

“It's done, Robbie. I recovered everything from the cloud, got it reprinted, refiled and safely stored in Jensen’s office. Crisis averted.”

Rob’s face went from panic to pleasantly surprised in a matter of a second. “Well damn, girl. I guess, then, the only other thing we need to talk about is your music and which of it you want to sing on stage with us. I wrap in Vancouver soon, and I want to get the guys back down here so we can start working on a couple of those songs you got.”

Y/N’s heart sank; not because of what Rob said, but because it just reminded her, again, that she no longer had her guitar.

“Yeah, we’ll talk soon, Rob. Let’s get through today and we’ll chat. Cool?”

“Perfect,” he replied with an affirmative nod. He paused and took a closer look at her expression and could see the heavy emotion behind her faux smile. He sighed, and put his hand on her shoulder, giving her a friendly squeeze. “I’m so sorry about what happened to the townhouse. When Jensen told me, I--I just couldn’t--I mean, who…” he trailed off in a huff. “I just don’t get it.”

“Me either. But, cops are working on it,” she shrugged and then cleared her throat. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not think about it tonight.”

“Of course, I’m sorry, I should’ve--”

“Robert,” she snorted a laugh and shook her head, “it’s fine. Let’s go join the others, okay? I need to find Bri.”

Rob escorted Y/N back out onto the deck where the others were sitting around on the cushioned seats that lined the perimeter of the yacht. Gen and Jared were sitting with Jason and one of Gen’s friends, a few others were scattered around as well, while Jensen and Bri were sitting close to each other near the stern. They looked as if they were having an intense conversation, and Y/N felt unsure about approaching them. She didn’t want to intrude on whatever they were talking about, so once Robbie took his leave and went to join Gen and Jared, Y/N quietly slipped back down into the galley.

A burst of laughter came from the deck, drawing her attention towards the small steps that lead out. Bri was approaching her, a large, giddy grin drawing her full lips to stretch from ear to ear.

“Whatcha doin’ hiding in here, honey? Thought I saw you were heading over to join us.”

“Yeah, I was,” she started, then suddenly felt stupid for turning away from them. “I just figured I would use the bathroom real quick, then come out.”

Bri called her out on her blatant lie with one stern raise of her brow. “Really?” she asked, flatly.

From out on the deck, the sounds of a guitar could be heard playing, no doubt it was Robbie and Jensen messing around.

“I don’t know exactly what’s up with you, I mean, besides being freaked about the break-in and overloaded with work. But, if it’s what I think it is--”

“What do you think it is?” Y/N asked, cutting off her thought.

“I know what he said to you, Y/N. I came by that day after you left and we talked.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? We just spent the week together!” Y/N huffed, mildly embarrassed that Briana knew and also a little annoyed that she wasn’t the one to tell her.

“Because you weren’t ready to talk about it or you would have brought it up. But as this little excursion goes on, I can see that you around him now, is weird. Look,” Bri took her arm and pulled her further into the room and away from the music. “He loves you. You need to tell him how you feel, or…”

“Or, what? He said he was okay with slow, he said--”

“Stop. Y/N, listen to me. Jensen would wait a million years for you to be ready. I’m sayin’ for YOUR sake… just tell the boy you love him already or you’re gonna drive yourself insane.”

Y/N swallowed Bri’s words down, right along with the lump in her throat. Once again, her friend hit the nail on the head. She needed to just shed the last of that force field that she was holding onto, and tell Jensen how she felt.

 Nearly two hours later, the yacht was positioning itself to dock at the cove. Waiting on the long wooden pier that jettisoned out from the sandy beach were four people, all decked out in leis, grass skirts, and Hawaiian shirts. Jared threw the lines for the boat as the captain parked her perfectly flush with the dock.

Y/N stayed seated as the others started to disembark. Robbie’s guitar was laying next to her, and knowing he wouldn’t mind, she picked it up and started to pick at the string. Without thinking about it, she was struck by that same tune she had been over the winter.

‘You’re the one that I want… oo oo oo, honey…’

The reverb from the guitar faded as she let her fingers fall from the strings and let her mind take her back to that morning on the beach. She had just met him, and even though he was still a stranger, sort of mysterious, he was still somehow, familiar. That song intruded on her thoughts then, too. He was, after all, the one that she wanted; deep down she knew that after he jumped into a cold ocean just to get her to say yes. She just needed to figure out a way to tell him so he knew that she really meant it. Y/N felt like she owed him that considering how his admission caused her to react.

“Y/N… hey!” Jensen called out. “You with us?”

She snapped back to reality and saw him standing in front of her; his hand outstretched to help her up.

“Yeah, sorry, got lost for a minute,” she took his hand and rose from the seat, still holding Robbie’s guitar.

“You can leave your bag on the boat, it will be here all night,” he said and then he looked at her curiously. She realized he saw that she wasn’t completely herself, but didn’t ask her about it. He didn’t have too, because he felt it too. Though they had been okay, that thing still hung over them, and both of them desperately wanted it to rectify it.

But how?

“Oh, great. Okay,” she smiled and with her hand still in his, followed him to disembark.

Genevieve Padalecki went all out for her husband’s birthday. Y/N wandered around in awe of everything she had arranged. The entire party was set up on a small, private cove about the size of a football field. There were several tiki bars across the area, a bonfire pit, volleyball net, a roped off swimming area, barrels scattered throughout the cove; some of which were filled with water guns, water balloons and some filled with ice and bottles of beer, water and soda.

“Nice, huh?” Jensen asked as he came up behind her. He placed his hand on the small of her back, and she jumped slightly at his touch. “Whoa! You alright? Did I scare you?”

“No,” she breathed and could feel her heart start pounding again. “Maybe. A little. It's fine, I was just distracted. And yeah, what Gen did here… holy shit.”

“You want a drink? Hungry?”

“No, I’m good. I think I might go swim. Wanna come?” she asked, hoping maybe that if they could go out in the water together, maybe she could say… something to make things more like they were before.”

Without warning, a splash of water hit Jensen’s back as Jared launched a water balloon at him. Y/N laughed as Jensen’s face went from shock, then fell into revenge mode as he slowly turned and glared his best friend with narrow, accusing eyes.

“Sorry, Trix. Gonna take a rain check. I got some business to attend to first,” he muttered before taking off through the sand after Jared.

She watched him chase Jared through the cove, as they threw water balloons at each other, and riled up half of the other partygoers to do the same. Realizing she was still carrying Robbie’s guitar, Y/N ventured over towards the area designated for the food and found a safe place for it.

“You gonna play something for us tonight?” Robbie asked and approaching her with a full plate of food, then motioning towards the guitar with his chin.

Y/N shook her head. “Nah, I don’t think so. I didn’t mean to bring it off the boat, it just sorta--”

“Followed you?”

“Yeah, kinda. Since I lost mine…”

“You feel lost. That I get.”

She nodded. “You should play something though, you know I get all tingly when you do,” she teased, trying to steer the conversation away from a place she didn’t want it to go.

“We’ll see.... maybe if you play, I’ll play.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Alright, Robbie. Maybe. Come find me after a swim and a few drinks. I may be more pliable then.” She patted him on the shoulder and made her way towards the water.

“Don’t think I won’t, Y/N! I’m not above that!” he called after her, before taking a bite of the food on his plate and walking towards one of the long tables.

 The view of the sunset from the cove was the best they could have hoped for. The colors were painted across the clouds in hues of pinks and purples, with a splash of orange for contrast. The moon, just about at full, already hung low in the east, waiting its turn to rise and join the celebration. After an afternoon of swimming, games, drinking, and laughs, Jared’s friends all migrated towards the newly lit bonfire while they waited for the unveiling of the pig from the pig roast.

The air was beginning to develop a chill, but Y/N just assumed it was because she was still in a wet bathing suit without her pull over or dry shorts. She snuck back to the boat and quickly changed into her extra clothes, and relished in how it instantly warmed her skin. In no time at all, she was back out on the beach of the cove and headed to rejoin everyone around the bonfire.

Everyone was already sat, forming a tight circle around the pit of flames. She looked for Jensen and saw him sitting snugly between Bri and Jared, talking and laughing. Directly across from him, she saw Robbie sitting there, with the last open space beside him. Somehow, she knew that was not by chance.

“This seat is taken?” she asked as she stepped over the makeshift log seat and then sat beside Robbie.

“Saved it just for you, buttercup,” he winked. “Have fun today?”

“I did,” she smiled, and then looked across the flames at Jensen.

He saw her, too. The corner of his mouth pulled into a smirk as gave her a little wave. She returned it in a similar fashion. She hadn’t seen much of him throughout the day, and knew it was only because he was enjoying the day off with his group of friends, and not because of any lingering awkwardness between them; she hoped.

“Did you have enough from the tiki bar that I could maybe convince you to sing something?” he wiggled his eyebrows excitedly, making her laugh.

“You first, Robert.”

“That wasn’t a no,” he chuckled, “so, I’m happy.”

The chatter around fire came to a lull as the sound of Robbie’s guitar replaced it. He was just strumming, but everyone knew that it wouldn’t just be that for long.

“Whatcha wanna hear?” he leaned over and asked Y/N while continuing to strum.

“Surprise me.”

Robbie found a rhythm he was happy with and slipped into the melody for The Rest. He played and sang, and encouraged some of the others to jump in on the song with him. Y/N was swaying along and enjoying the music, but every so often would look up and catch Jensen’s eye. She felt a million miles away from him, and as she watched him singing along with Robbie and the others, all she wanted to do was be near him.

Her mind began to drift as Robbie continued to play. Y/N thought about the night of their date, and how it was to be there with him, under the stars and sitting so close. She loved how delicately he kissed her, then showed up the next day just to take her to the airport.

‘You’re in love with him… just stop fighting it,’ she thought, chastising herself. ‘Sometimes you gotta just take the leap and--”

The claps and whistles of applause pulled her back and she followed suit. When she turned to look at Rob, he was watching her expectantly, holding out the guitar.

“Your turn,” he smiled impishly. “Deals a deal.”

“Yeesss! Y/N, it’s your turn!” Bri called out from over the flames. Following her, more encouragement from the party goers, including Jared and Gen, were egging her on. She gazed around the circle, suddenly nervous and unsure if she would be able to make her fingers work to do it.

When her gaze reached Jensen, she realized he was the only one not making any noise or gestures. He simply sat, leaning his forearms against his thighs, his hands clasped around a beer, hanging between his knees and his sights set firmly on Y/N. His mouth was relaxed and soft, his lips slightly parted as he watched her. His green eyes were narrowed intently on her as she cradled the guitar against her chest, before getting it in the proper position.

Y/N’s throat was suddenly very dry. Without asking, she reached down and pulled a swig from Robbie’s beer and apologized in a silent expression. He gave her a quick wink and nudged her with his elbow.

Now she leaned into him. “Whatcha wanna hear?” she asked.

“Sing something that means something to you,” he replied quietly, then casually let his line of sight linger towards Jensen before leaning back and settling in for her song.

Y/N’s fingers found the frets and pressed down on the strings. With her other hand, she began to strum and after a few chords, she cast her gaze down to the guitar and began singing softly, the rest of the group quieting down as the slower melody started to play. She thought about what the song meant to her, what it had been to her, and how she can use it now, to try and speak to Jensen.

“I got chills They’re multiplying And I’m losing control ‘Cause the power you’re supplying...”

‘It’s electrifying...’ Jensen sang softly, almost in a whisper but loud enough for Y/N to hear him.

Her head snapped up at the sound of his voice, her gaze instantly finding, and holding his across the fire. She paused for a moment to take a breath, her hand hovering closely over the strings. A twitch of the corner of Jensen’s mouth was all she needed to keep playing after having missed the next few beats in the song.

The song continued, but more as a conversation between them than a tune being played for the entertainment of the crowd.

“You better shape up ‘Cause I need a man And my heart is set on you

You better shape up You better understand To my heart I must be true”

‘Nothing left for me to do…’ Jensen sang with her. She continued on, as if everything in the song was what she had been wanting to say. But much like her old man, Y/N wasn’t great with verbalizing what she wanted, or how she felt. So, once again, she turned to music to do it for her.

When Y/N got to the chorus, he sang with her, softly, matching the tone and cadence of the melody.

“I better shape up, ‘cause you need a man…” Jensen took over for her, singing louder than he had been up to this point, making the next couple of verses everything he needed to say, and what she needed to hear.

“Yes I’m sure down deep inside…”

The last line of the verse and both of them looked at each other. They had been watching one another throughout the entirety of the song, but with this one line, it was saying everything they were both feeling but too scared to admit. The feelings that those lyrics left her with wasn’t just the rush of love she had for him, but the certainty with which she felt them. Whatever fear had been holding her back was gone and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jensen was the only one she would ever really want.

They went through the chorus two more times, the intensity and strength of her playing and their singing growing, before it faded out.

“Oh yes indeed,” Y/N sang the last line, knowing exactly where she stood now.

There was a beat where it got very quiet, but Bri and Robbie changed that quickly with their rousing applause and cat-call whistles. Y/N smiled humbly and nodded her head slightly before handing the guitar back to Rob. She gave Bri a rueful glance over the flames before letting her eyes drift back to Jensen, who was suddenly gone from the bonfire.

Jensen needed a minute to compose himself. From the moment he heard what song she was singing, he felt his chest tighten and his heart beat faster. That dream he had the night he met her felt prophetic now and it left him reeling. He didn’t plan on singing, but he couldn’t help it. He felt like she was speaking to him and then as it continued on, he couldn’t refrain from speaking back. When it ended, he felt so affected by the whole thing and had a build up of emotion that had been coming for a while despite his need to try and repress it.

He was on his way back to the bonfire now that he had calmed a bit when he found her off on her own. Y/N was standing near the edge of trees where the cove and the paths converged. Off in the distance, the party was in full swing; the music and noise of which faded a bit where he found her, and he was grateful for that. It was getting dark, and out here on the fringes of the party, the only light he could really see her by was that of the moon.

“Hey Trix, you alright?” he asked softly.

Y/N turned and saw him emerge from one of the wide paths. She looked up at him, and he could tell she was smiling; but it was that soft, thoughtful one she would get when she had been lost in something.

“Yeah,” she said and approached him. “I was just looking for you.”

“Here I am,” he smirked, but she didn’t smile in return. She looked slightly nervous as she fidgeted with her hands.

“Jensen… I…” she stuttered, and then stopped to draw in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, I have been the biggest idiot.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not--”

“I am. Now, hush and let me talk. You and I, I don’t know how or why it works, but it does. I’ve been so afraid to admit how well it works, and because of that, I’ve been… I don’t even know. Scared seems ridiculous, but I guess, scared.”

She was rambling now, and as Jensen watched her pace back and forth trying to find the words she desperately grasped for, he couldn’t help but be slightly amused. He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to fall more in love as she stumbled over her words.

“You have to understand that I, trusting you--I didn’t know if I could, I mean, not that you gave me a reason not to--and then with the break-in, and all the other stuff--”

“Y/N,” he said, trying to get her attention, but she either didn’t hear him or ignored him.

“Then, that just happened, and I look up, and you’re gone, I thought for sure--”

“Y/N!” Jensen laughed, finally taking her by the shoulders and standing her square in front of him. “Stand still. Take a breath. Just say what you want to say.”

She looked up at him, and drew in a calming breath, exhaling through pursed lips. Jensen’s heart began to beat faster when he saw how her eyes were locked onto his, wistful, and dreamy. Y/N took Jensen’s hands from her shoulders, then interlaced her fingers into his and held them in front of her. She was quiet, and her eyes were fixed on the tangled knot their hands had become. She brought it to her mouth and kissed the back of his hand softly. Jensen’s stomach fluttered when he felt her lips on his skin.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, through a dry rough voice.

She released his hands slowly, gingerly placed her palms on his cheeks and guided her mouth onto his. He inhaled sharply before he kissed her back, surprised that she took the initiative. It started slow, but not hesitant; they savored each other for a few minutes with the soft, wanting, open mouth type of kiss that only two people in love could really appreciate. Jensen wanted more, needed more of her, but before he could, she retracted but stayed close, ghosting her nose over his; the sensation of which stirred the same feeling as seeing her just out of the shower did.

“Take me home, Hollywood.”

Jensen’s head snapped up, and he saw the sincerity in her eyes, pleading with him to take her away.

“You sure?”

She nodded and took his hand again. Y/N didn’t need to say anything, Jensen understood completely; she had said everything she needed to while they sang to each other around the bonfire. No one would miss them, and as much as he loved Jared, he wanted and had waited for Y/N for a long time. Jared would understand why he left.

Jensen kissed her again, and when she returned it with fervor, he knew it was time to go. He took her hand and playfully pulled her down the path that led away from the party. When they emerged onto the parking lot, the valets were already in place ready to assist him.

“I need a car, please,” Jensen asked with a polite smile, then turned slightly looking back at Y/N who was nearly attached to his side. “And quickly… if you could.”

Within minutes, the attendant had one of the rentals ready to go and Jensen was opening the passenger door for Y/N. Jensen backed out of the lot and headed towards the exit. It wouldn’t take long to get back to his place, but part of him just wanted to find the nearest motel. Deciding home was better, Jensen pointed the car in that direction and cruised down the main drag. With very few cars out at that time of night, they had the road to themselves.

A string of traffic lights sat between them and the house. The atmosphere of the car was tense, both Jensen and Y/N could feel the growing impatience between them. When they hit the first red light, Jensen threw the car in park and leaned over to her. His hand quickly tangled up in the hair at the back of her neck and pulled her needily towards him.

His mouth greeted hers, open and hungry, and for sixty seconds the light sat red, he devoured as much of her as he could. When it turned green, they regretfully parted until the next red light. He couldn’t get enough, no matter how many times he stopped to kiss her on the ride home. By the time he was pulling into the driveway, her lips were red and swollen from his relentless assault, but she immediately moved over to kiss him again once he turned off the ignition.

They parted long enough to make it to the stoop. The front door fell open as Jensen and Y/N stumbled in, their mouths locked together the second the key turned the knob. Jensen made sure it was closed and reset the deadbolt. As he did, she stepped back from him, the moonlight coming through the skylights in the foyer highlighting her skin as she slowly pulled her shirt up and over her head and let it fall to the floor.

Jensen stood motionless, unable to move towards her. Her (y/c) eyes locked onto his, and he felt himself tremble as she took her time unbuttoning the jean shorts, allowing them to join her gray pull over on the rug. Left in only her lacy bra and underwear, she moved towards him. He ran his fingers up the length of her arm, then raised both his arms in the air, as she pulled his thin cotton thermal top off over his head.

“Whoa, wait,” he gasped, pulling away from her and leaving a breath of space. “Are you sure? I mean, really sure?”

“Yes…. I am more than sure,” she purred and bit her lower lip as she ran a finger at the waist of his shorts.

She kissed him again, both of their breathing short and labored huffs through noses as their mouths occupied the other. He stopped it again before she could free him of more of his clothes, pressing his forehead against hers trying to catch his breath.

“Last time…”

“That was a long time ago, Jay,” she pleaded and went in to kiss him again.

“I don’t want to lose you. It's okay if you wanna stop and wait—”

“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere, except upstairs… with you. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Jensen bit his lower lip, using every ounce of his will power to not tear her bra off there in the foyer. “We can stop, Y/N. I don’t wanna push you.”

“No, you’re not. I told you to take me home. I want you, Jay. I want you to take me upstairs and do unspeakable things to me. I’m so fucking tired of being cautious with you. It's just… I was so damn reckless for so long, that when you came along…” she hesitated to continue, afraid to derail what was happening.

“Say it… when I came along, what?” he rasped, and nipped at her lips, which she kissed back immediately before he pulled back again. “Tell me.”

“I needed to be cautious with you because the stakes were so high. I knew from that first night on the beach that if I wasn’t careful, I would fall right into you. Hopelessly so. So I played it safe until I knew for sure that I wouldn’t lose. I’m sure now. I put everything on snake eyes, baby,” she chuckled and pressed her nails into the nape of his neck, drawing his body as physically close to her as she possibly could.

Jensen let her. They were nearly fused together now, her lips trailing soft, wanting kisses across his neck up to his ear. He shuddered when she kissed him there and felt his legs go weaker when her delicate breath fell against his ear.

“What’s the payout?” he whispered, unable to get his voice louder than that while under the spell of her touch.

Y/N pressed her lips to his earlobe and took it in her mouth, grazing her teeth along it as she whispered, “Everything.”

Jensen exhaled heavily, he knew that her phrasing was in good fun, but he also knew how vast the weight of her words were. Trusting wasn’t easy for her, and falling in love, after what she had been through, near impossible. Yet, here they were, together with nothing standing between them but their own insecurities. Pushing all of those aside, Jensen took her hand tightly into his, and lead her towards the stairs.

 He pushed open the bedroom door and motioned for her to go first. She was barely a few steps in before she turned and found him in the barely illuminated room. He leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp.

“No, leave it off,” she breathed. He could hear the trembling in her voice, but slowly shook his head.

“No,” he rasped and took her chin between his fingers. “I want to see you.”

Jensen bent down and kissed her neck before reaching behind her and unclasping her bra, letting it slide from her body to the floor. A small whimper escaped her lips as his hands ran lightly over the swell of her breasts, then down her stomach, coming to land at the hem of her panties.

He swallowed thickly, his fingers trembling as he breached the edge of the lace. He looked back at her, and when he saw the want in her eyes, he knew it was really happening. Jensen’s tongue ran over his bottom lip before he bent down and kissed her again. She reached for his shorts, and this time made quick work of getting them off.

Jensen walked her back towards the bed, never breaking his gaze from hers. She collided with the mattress and fell onto it, causing her to giggle. Y/N climbed backward onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows and watching him with a lustful need. Hovering over her, he kissed her breasts softly, then ran his tongue lightly over her nipples. The lightest graze of his teeth against the rigid nub caused an involuntary shiver to race down her flesh. She felt him grin against her, which only encouraged her to rake her fingers through his hair.  

His mouth continued to work her over, eventually trailing down to her underwear. This time when he toyed with the hem, it was to pull them down, slowly and holding her gaze as he did so. When they were tossed aside, he looked to her one last time to be certain she wanted this. As if reading his thoughts, she smiled and bit her lower lip seductively, nodding with the slightest motion, and watching him with eyes begging him to touch her.

Jensen kissed the inside of her thigh as he let his hand brush against the hood of her sex. Y/N gasped, sucking air through her teeth and exhaling heavily at the sensation. Leaving his hand there, he continued moving back up her body and as his fingers slipped into her folds, his mouth found her neck and left a trail of biting, needy kisses up towards her ear.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered, then found her mouth and kissed her again. “I have wanted you from the minute I saw you.”

The way he rasped in her ear, and the more his fingers traced the lines and ridges of her sex, teasing her clit, caused her to writhe beneath him.

“Please,” she mewed, running her hands across his back trying to pull him closer to her.

“Please what?” he asked with a heavy breath before plunging back to her neck and pushing his fingers down towards her entrance, now taunting her there.

Her hands ran down to the edge of his boxers and desperately tried to push them down. The more he touched her, the more she needed to feel him inside her, and the months of waiting and making excuses to wait had grown old. She wanted him. Now.

Y/N opened her eyes and caught his gaze. Her eyes were narrowed and full of lust, her lips still swollen and quivering. “I need you, now…”

The way she spoke to, or rather commanded him, Jensen couldn’t wait either. What she said, the way she said it, it flipped a switch in him and he needed to end the teasing. He quickly stood from the bed and pushed the boxers off himself. Before climbing back beside her, he stopped and ran his tongue up through her slit, causing her to gasp and her hands to claw at the comforter. Her reaction made his cock twitch against her leg. She sat up on her elbows and took him in, finally seeing all of him for the first time.

Jensen climbed on top of her and positioned himself between her thighs. Y/N’s head was spinning and as Jensen’s lips fell to her again, she felt his dick slide between her legs as the tip brushed against her clit. Slowly, he slipped up inside her, just a little at first, but enough to raise a growl from the deepest parts of his chest.

“Jesus,” she whispered into his neck and began to feel drunk just on the sensation and scent of his skin. The further he moved up inside her, she arched her back into him, exposing more of her neck to his mouth. Jensen took full advantage and as he gave one last, slow push, filling her completely, he bit down on her neck as she breathed his name. “Fuuuuck.. Jay…”

His hips were swaying with a tempered, methodical movement, but with each pass, Y/N dug her nails in deeper to his back. The sensation of him inside her was euphoric, coupled with the way he was continuing to kiss her neck, and the feeling of his warm breath on her skin, she briefly wondered if it was possible to faint from really good sex; but this wasn’t just good sex, and she knew it. This was intimate and meaningful; that’s what made it feel so incredibly different.

Jensen lifted his head and kissed her jawline, finding her mouth again as his hips began to move faster. She drew her legs up and around his waist, giving him a better angle to slide into. His mouth fell slightly open, his eyes squeezing shut as he got lost in the moment. Jensen’s breaths became shorter, more labored, the faster he moved. The friction against Y/N’s clit and the speed at which he moved pushed her nearly to the edge. Her hands shot out to the comforter again, trying to hold on as he became nearly relentless.

He grabbed her wrists with his hands, moving them up and pinning them down above her head.

“Fuck… fu---” he couldn’t keep it together much longer.

“God, Jay… I’m…” Y/N whined sharply, and just as her climax hit, Jensen took her breast in his mouth and swirled his tongue around the nipple. He could feel her flutter around him as his cock swelled and neared his own orgasm.

He didn’t want it to end, so he slowed down just as her legs released from the grip they had on him and fell back to the bed in exhausted relief. Jensen chuckled softly, still swaying his hips into her, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold it off; the mere sight of her post-climax was enough to bring his on. He brushed the hair from her face and kissed her lips gently. They held each other’s gaze for a moment before she ran her fingernails up along the back of his neck, her nerve endings still on fire from the release she just experienced.

“I love you,” she whispered, then pressed her lips to the ridge of his collarbone.

That one, soft kiss was what finally pushed him over the edge. Jensen felt his climax come in a head rush like he’d never had before. He clung to her for dear life; his head buried in the crook of her neck, his body trembling with contentment as he spilled inside her, and lavished her neck and shoulders with longing, and loving kisses.

When he was spent, he went to roll off her, but she held him there.

“Don’t, I like how you feel against me,” she purred and continued running her fingertips up and down his arms lightly.

“I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me now,” Jensen teased.

He did finally move off of her and stood from the bed. He reached a hand down, and helped her up, but didn’t let go of her once she was. Running his fingers through her hair, he studied her closely before kissing her once more. Releasing her just for a moment, Jensen pulled back the covers of the bed and motioned with his expression for her to get in.

She was bewitching in the way she smiled at him as she pulled him down on the bed. Jensen was on his back as Y/N hovered over him and he tucked the hair behind her ear.

“I love you, Trix,” he said in a broken whisper, so incredibly enamored with the woman who gazed down at him. Jensen thought his life couldn’t get much better than it was right then and there.

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