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ontuesdaylast · 5 years ago

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Can I trust you?

Hello again! The first topic we wanted to discuss was Hecate and how everyone in the hotel relates to the seemingly gravitational pull around her. We will also discuss the tools of Hecate’s machinations briefly. As we were writing this, we kept being tempted to go off on tangents of other things but that’s the brilliance of this show and doing a deep dive like this: there are still so many elements left to be discussed.

In case you missed it, here is an explanation of what we’re attempting to do with this blog.

These opinions are entirely on our own and based on specific observations. We do not claim this to be a definitive reading of Hecate or the hotel in relation to her. Some of these things are also based on choices made by specific residents so significance can change based on that. Our hope is that this post will spur a discussion, even if you flat out disagree with us. We truly look forward to your thoughts!

Significant spoilers under the cut… It is our belief that the hotel is best experienced if you are able to go in blindly and would therefore encourage everyone who is newer to the hotel not read this. We will not be gatekeepers, however. The choice is entirely yours.

First, this entire train of thought makes the assumption that Hecate is controlling and manipulating all of the events in the hotel to her bidding. We think there’s a debate to be had about whether she has some goal or if her goal is just general chaos and eternal purgatory for the pawns in her story.

Let’s unpack Hecate controlling things more: It is our belief that this is the case. There appear to be two clearly defined teams within the hotel: (1) Team Hecate and (2) Team Lab Rats but there is also a third team of characters that appear to be either outside of her scope slightly in a gray area. We’ll call them Team Gray haha. There also has to be a discussion about how wittingly all of these people are participating, which we will also touch on below.

Team Hecate, in our minds, consists of Hecate at the top, the three witches (Boy, Sexy and Bald), Speakeasy, Taxidermist and Porter.

Team Lab Rats consists of Macbeth, Macduff, Lady Macduff, Malcolm, Duncan, Banquo and Agnes.

Team Gray consists of Lady Macbeth, Danvers, Fulton, Nurse Christian and Matron.

The Witches

The witches at first glance appear to be willing participants in Hecate’s plot. However, cracks appear at various points in each of their stories. All three of the witches appear to break down and reveal their true natures underneath the manipulative exteriors. The concurrent time for this is after the rave:

Boy Witch breaks down in the shower

Bald Witch, in some portrayals we’ve seen of the character, appears to be a wounded animal as she bathes herself in the apothecary. On the flip side, we’ve also seen interpretations where even in this moment, Bald Witch is manipulative and in control so there could be an argument that she is the only true believer of the three witches.

Sexy Witch appears to be in turmoil after the rave. Lennox saw Sexy Witches reach out to a White Mask for support with pain in her eyes only to be snatched back by Hecate.

Boy Witch also appears to let the mask drop in two other instances. The first is after he taunts the Porter in the phone booth dance in the lobby. During that sequence, Boy Witch lures Porter to him, flirting with him but then ultimately literally throwing him away and leaving him. Boy Witch then runs up to the Speakeasy, where he writhes emotionally on the pool table like he’s having a fit and also lashes out at a White Mask standing nearby claiming that “This is all your fault.”

The final moment where Boy Witch appears to let the mask drop is during his 1:1. After he lip syncs to Peggy Lee’s rendition of “Is That All There Is?” he has a White Mask wipe away his tears, taunting Porter who tried to do that himself. Boy Witch then pulls that White Mask into one of the phone booths, wraps the phone booth curtain around the pair of them and whispers some variation of “Last night, I woke with your name on my lips.” He kisses the White Mask on the cheek and walks out of the phone booth, going the mirror and collecting himself. We believe there’s an argument to be made here that he could just be manipulating the White Mask but that also feels like it could be down to how the performer plays the moment. Some feel genuine, others feel manipulative. We prefer the genuine moment because it makes his following actions that much more tragic when the hard shell comes back on after leaving the phone booth. He’s a tortured soul and that makes him a tragic anti-hero.

Speakeasy & Taxidermist

Speaks and Taxi can feel like the most on team Hecate out of everyone. In other words, they tend to feel like the most active participants in her plot.

We believe that they are also aware of the loops. One of the purposes that Speakeasy serves is to reset props. We like to ascribe the meaning to this that he is aware of what is happening and is encouraging those things to happen by resetting the props. He’s literally setting up the tools of the characters’ demise and there’s something very sinister about that.

The other quality of Speaks is that he seems consistently aware of the audience. This manifests in the moments when Speaks interacts with White Masks, i.e. the shot game and escorting people to the rave, but also the fact that Speaks doesn’t seem to look through White Masks as much as other characters do (we’ll get into this more below when talking about the lab rats). It seems to be a consistent thing that Speaks makes eye contact and seem to be aware that he has an audience.

Taxi has similar tendencies as well. Taxi seems to be the most thoroughly evil of Hecate’s helpers. This is brought into stark reality in his 1:1. His lines are taken from the murderers in Macbeth in the moment when Macbeth instructs them to kill Banquo. Others have written in more depth about the significance of Taxidermist as a murderer, including how it’s likely he murdered the Macduff child whose blood-stained bed you can see through the mirror on the third floor and maybe we’ll dive into that more in a future post. For now, we think it’s worth mentioning how Taxidermist also seems to be the most willing participant in Hecate’s game. Like Speaks, he never appears to have a moment of wavering in his support of Hecate. He also escorts White Masks to the rave and is particularly focused on either messing with or recruiting Fulton to the cause.

Both Speaks and Taxis’ 1:1s also bear the significance that they are recruiting the White Mask to Team Hecate. Where others attempt to protect people from Hecate, Speaks and Taxi appear to be actively in pursuit of more servants for Hecate. Both of their 1:1s include the White Mask ingesting something, in Speaks’ case a shot of whisky, in Taxi’s case a dyed-blue gum drop. In both cases, the characters also partake in the items and often “cheers” the White Mask beforehand. There is feeling that you are “joining the team” in these 1:1s.

The Porter

The Porter appears to be the most conflicted of the team Hecate members. He attempts to reject Hecate’s requests and also tries to save Lady Macduff but then he also does seem to enjoy messing with Agnes Naismith. Let’s dive into the moments.

One of the Porter’s most prevalent drives is his love for Boy Witch. The nature of their relationship is unclear but there do seem to be indications that they had a prior relationship of some kind. As we said above, Boy Witch seems to feel bad occasionally about his treatment of the Porter. After Boy Witch tempts then rejects Porter at the phone booths, Porter pulls a White Mask in for his 1:1. This 1:1 happens concurrently to Boy Witch’s fit on the pool table in the speakeasy so the significance of that can’t be understated.

Within Porter’s 1:1, he ashamedly and nervously puts on lipstick and then a wig. It’s debatable if this is a reference to Hecate or a nod to his sexuality. What do others think about this moment? He then clutches the White Mask, crying, kisses them on the cheek and thanks them, escorting them back to the lobby. The action clearly pains him. It is a haunting, tragic moment to experience.

In another moment in his back office, Porter draws out a diagram on a piece of paper. This happens during the first prophecy happening in the lobby. There is a reference to the forest, “her” and “her bar”, a ring and then most importantly “The Boy”, which he circles multiple times. This suggests to us that while he’s been conscripted into Hecate’s war, everything he does is ultimately for Boy Witch. We like to think that Porter joined Team Hecate to be closer Boy Witch or maybe even to save him. While in her employ, however, he regrets the things that he has to do. He’s made a deal with the devil. Is it worth it or not is the ultimate question.

One of Hecate’s 1:1s sends the White Mask on a mission with a letter to the Porter. The letter is asking Porter to find her ring, to which he writes a reply that he is unable to complete the quest, which he then instructs that person to bring back to Hecate. (More on Hecate’s ring later) He appears to be actively resisting her in this moment.

That fact makes his treatment of Agnes all the more confusing. He seems to regale in the opportunity to mess with her. He gleefully tips her suitcase onto the floor and taunts her openly. These moments feel incongruous to the rest of his actions and personality. Is this him temporarily giving in to Hecate’s power over him or is there another, darker reason for his treatment of Agnes?

There is also some discourse out there that Porter has ties to Norman Bates. His 1:1 has a Psycho-ish quality to it when viewed through that lens. The Porter’s job is also obviously reminiscent to Norman’s job in the film. Others have written about how there is a reference to a missing girl in his office, the indication then being that he murdered her, a la Norman Bates. We have not seen this news clipping but felt that it was worth mentioning. This reading of him adds another level to his story and we love it.

He does attempt to save Lady Macduff. He tries to stop Danvers from poisoning her with the blue milk. But, he is tragically unsuccessful in saving her. He is distracted by the White Mask bringing Hecate’s letter about finding her ring and is writing the letter back to Hecate. By the time he is finished, Lady Macduff is dead. Despite his best intentions to be good, Hecate thwarts him once again.

He is ultimately all the more tragic for that reason.

Tears in Relation to Hecate’s Power

Tears seem to be particularly significant to Hecate’s control over her subordinates. There is a sequence of events where tears seem to be the main focus. It begins with Agnes coming to the rep bar after being sent there by the Porter. Agnes comes to the rep bar and timidly sits at the table with Hecate. After a series of manipulations, Agnes begins to cry and Hecate harvests her tears into a small vial. Agnes then storms out of the rep bar, leaving Hecate apparently gleeful at her success with Agnes.

This has clearly been Hecate’s intention all along so what exactly does Hecate gain by harvesting Agnes’s tears? Clearly, she is gaining control over Agnes but we are unclear in what way. This moment happens at the end of the narrative loop so is it Hecate’s way of keeping everyone stuck in this never-ending, ever-repeating hell-scape?

Hecate then feeds Agnes’s tears to Speaks, and also gives him the necklace to reset. Hecate then pulls a White Mask in for a 1:1. This 1:1 is the letter to the Porter asking him to bring her her ring. At the beginning of the 1:1, Hecate fees the White Mask a vial of tears (really likely salt water) that is identical to the one she fed to Speaks. She then asks if she can trust you, smiles when you nod yes and gives you the letter to the Porter. She also tells you to hurry back.

Therefore, the question becomes what is the significance of tears to Hecate’s power? Clearly they have something to do with working for Hecate. Also, whose tears does she feed the White Mask in the 1:1? Can they be anyone’s tears? Or should we assume that they are Porter’s because you are about it to manipulate him?

As I said, this sequence of events happens at the very end of the narrative loop. Speaks does have an interaction with Agnes toward the beginning of the loop. It happens right before Boy Witch storms in for his fit on the pool table after taunting the porter. Boy Witch screams at Agnes to get out as he walks in. But before that, the interaction between Agnes and Speaks is tame. He offers her a drink and not much else happens. Therefore, there’s no pay off to Hecate feeding Speaks Agnes’s tears. Unless we are missing something and someone can illuminate us on this. Possibly, Speaks was about to manipulate Agnes further but Boy Witch interrupted that with his outburst?

Hecate also appears to fake tears during her lip sync to Tony Bennett’s rendition of “If That’s All There Is?” that happens concurrently to Boy Witch’s lip sync in the lobby. There is an argument to be made that Hecate is acting out the lip sync as a marionette for Boy Witch. He cries, though the tears appear to be fake, perhaps because she cries. If Hecate is controlling Boy Witch, in this moment, the only person it could be to manipulate is Porter, who watches longingly and tragically from a distance. This feeds into the idea that the way Hecate keeps Porter’s loyalty is through Boy Witch.

Regarding the tears, Hecate’s tears appear to be fake and Boy Witch’s are as well. He does cry real tears, encouraged by something Porter wipes under Boy Witch’s eyes before the start of the lip sync (Vicks Vaporub?). But after the lip sync, Boy Witch uses the tears to manipulate Porter when he selects a White Mask to wipe them off instead of allowing Porter to do it.

There is discourse that witches can’t cry, which adds another level to all of this. There is something intrinsically human about crying so the fact that Hecate uses tears to manipulate both her servants and the people she is torturing makes it feel that by accepting the tears, you are signing a deal with the devil.

We also think it’s worth discussing salt, bible verses, holy water and mirrors in relation to magical powers but feel like that would be going on too much of a tangent in this post.

Hecate’s Ring

Hecate’s lost ring is a big motif in the story. As mentioned above, Hecate implores Porter to find her ring, to which he replies that he cannot. Hecate’s third 1:1 is her telling the White Mask to find her ring. In the past, the ring did actually exist. The ring is no longer a prop to be found and returned to her. When the ring did exist and could be found, people reported if they returned the ring to her it would unlock significant interactions for future trips but no one has said publicly what those were.

We have two questions about this ring: what is the significance of the ring to Hecate and what is the significance of the fact that the ring is something that can never be found?

Is the ring something that Hecate genuinely cares about? Or, is it just another thing she is using to manipulate people? Has she just sent Porter and the White Masks who get her 1:1 on a wild goose chase, essentially perpetuating their existence in purgatory, knowing that the ring doesn’t exist? Or, does she still believe the ring is out there and genuinely want someone to find it?

We don’t have answers to these questions. We’d love to hear others’ thoughts about them.

Next, let’s look at Team Lab Rats.

Team Lab Rats

There is a sense that the Macbeth characters excluding the witches are Hecate’s toys that she is playing with. What is her goal? Is it just straight chaos? Or is there some deeper meaning to what she is doing?

Whatever the goal, it is clear that she rejoices in the downfalls of the characters. It is Hecate’s design that the witches manipulate everyone. Macbeth is the clearest victim of this but let’s look at the other characters as well. The significance can’t be lost that each witch dances with another one of these characters at the ball:

Bald Witch dances with Banquo, implanting the first seed that leads Banquo astray

Sexy Witch dances with Macduff, distracting him so that he doesn’t notice Lady Macduff being poisoned by Danvers

Boy Witch dances with Malcolm, seemingly poisoning him so that he has to run up to the detective agency to give himself the antidote, therefore missing Lady Macbeth poisoning Duncan so that he falls into a deep sleep in the canopy bed, making it easier for Macbeth to murder him. Malcolm, in his 1:1 talks about seeing signs that Duncan will die but Boy Witch’s distraction causes him to arrive too late.

The witches continue to manipulate Banquo after the ball as well. All three follow him up to the lobby, where he receives a letter from Porter. Sexy Witch then seduces him, eventually kissing him, sending him into a deep sleep, from which is woken by Bald Witch shortly after. He never truly recovers from that, however, making him easier prey for Macbeth’s aggression.

Macbeth’s downfall is obvious. The witches give him two prophecies: the first in the lobby telling him that he will be Thane of Cawdor and eventually king. The second is the rave in the rep bar, predicting his demise when Birnam Wood comes to Dunsinane.

Macbeth’s downfall is also encouraged by Lady Macbeth, a point we will discuss below.

As we’ve already discussed, Agnes is also manipulated by Hecate. Agnes has come to Gallow Green looking for her missing sister, Grace. She is then sent on a wild goose chase to find her. One stop is see Malcolm, the detective, who appears to have already been tasked with finding Grace by some other unknown person. Is this another of Hecate’s machinations, perhaps carried out by one of her surrogates or by herself before the events that take place in the show? Or is there another unknown person looking for Grace for some unknown reason? Does anyone have thoughts about this?

In the middle of this interaction between Agnes and Malcolm, an obvious spell takes hold of them, making them seemingly fall in love with each other. It’s all clearly a ruse cooked up by Hecate, however, and is meant to distract both of them from their quests and Malcolm from realizing that Duncan is about to be murdered.

Agnes does seem to have some resistance left over to resist Hecate as she breaks free from the spell and runs away from Malcolm. She also attempts to protect those she brings into 1:1 by giving them a locket that contains a bible verse. This small resistance makes her capitulation towards the end of the loop all the more tragic.

Macduff and Lady Macduff are, in our opinion, the most tragic characters in the hotel. How many times have we said tragic in this post? We don’t follow them often, mainly because we find them too depressing. We already discussed earlier how they are all manipulated by witches. We discuss later on how Danvers torments Lady Macduff but here we’ll mentioned that Lady Macduff seems to foresee her own death so her connection to supernatural comes into the focus there.

We could do a whole discussion of the loops, and probably will, but the consensus is that the narrative loop begins after the Hitchcock Suite ends. So, if you’re looking at the Macduffs, in that moment, Lady Macduff has just made her way up to the Macduff apartment and climbs up onto the bookshelf, apparently in a distraught trance. Macduff also “wakes up” alone at the beginning of his loop literally under the door and makes his way to Lady Macduff to try to comfort her and tell that it was all a dream and that she shouldn’t worry. They both appear to have just woken up from a nightmare but the tragedy is that their nightmare is just beginning again.

In our opinion, you could either choose to believe that for some reason the Macduffs begin their loop far later than every other character - i.e. halfway through the end of their follow dance on the couches of their living room - or you can choose to look at it with the view that Lady Macduff begins with her waking up from her own murder, as though she waking up from the prediction of her own murder. The beginning of her loop, therefore is her distraught over the horror that is to come. She allows herself to forget about it momentarily when soothed by Macduff but is plunged into despair quickly again when she is poisoned at the ball.

She also predicts her own murder in her 1:1 and, like a few other characters, attempts to protect the person in her 1:1 with the packet of salt wrapped in a bible verse. Again, it will be significant to discuss the effectiveness of these items at a later date.

Team Gray

This is the group of characters that don’t clearly fit into either of the above categories. Let’s take them one by one.

Lady Macbeth is in this gray area for us because the reasons behind her actions seem to be slightly gray. We can see the argument that she is team Hecate and we could also see the argument that she is acting on her own accord with a nefarious goal.

There does appear to be a consensus that Lady Macbeth was formerly a patient at the King James Sanatorium. There are patient files for her on the 5th floor and it makes sense that she would choose to go back to the sanatorium when she’s lost everything at the end of her loop; it’s the only place she has left.

She also appears to be connected to the supernatural. We think it’s debatable whether she is being controlled by Hecate or acting of her own volition. Does anyone have strong opinions either way? We do also think that is an argument to be made if she is a witch herself or not. This particularly comes into question when she appears to summon the witches to her to start the ball. She kneels down before the music starts and motions like she’s conjuring the ball. The three witches then descend on her. She will then generally kiss all three in turn.

The fact she also works to convince Macbeth to kill Duncan could suggest that she is working with Hecate as well.

However, despite all of these signs, it still feels to us like she still has her own agency and can therefore makes her own choices in a way a lot of the other team Hecate characters appear not to. What do you all think about this?

Mrs Danvers also falls into a similar category as Lady Macbeth for us. She is definitely working toward similar goals as Hecate - poisoning Lady Macduff and helping Lady Macbeth poison Duncan - but she also feels completely in control of her own actions. If Danvers is working for anyone, the assumption must be that it is Lady Macbeth since Danvers gives Lady Macbeth the poisoned whisky for Duncan. Danvers, unlike Lady Macbeth, does not feel to us like she possesses any magical ability or interact with the supernatural.

We also don’t think you can overlook the fact that neither Lady Macbeth or Danvers interact with Hecate. Despite Hecate having pull throughout the hotel, all of the other characters who are operating based on Hecate’s orders physically interact with her at some point.

Whose orders is Danvers operating under in poisoning Lady Macduff? It serves the bigger goal that Hecate has for the Macbeth characters but feels separate to the other chaos Hecate is enacting within the hotel. We will also discuss the implications of Hitchcock’s and Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca on the plot of SNM in a later post. We will mention here that there are, in our opinion, leftovers of the second Mrs de Winter’s character in Lady Macduff, particularly when it comes to Danvers’ torment of her and Lady Macbeth possesses Rebecca-like qualities in a number of ways. We’ll dig into that in a later post.

A note about a specific performance here: Ross saw one performer as Lady Macbeth act very annoyed when Lady Macduff interrupted her with Duncan. That performer then motioned to Danvers, who was bringing her the poisoned whisky as though to say “Deal with that.” That could be one interpretation, that that is the moment when Danvers chooses to zone in on Lady Macduff.

We believe based on all of this that while Lady Macbeth and Danvers are acting upon their individual goals.

It bears mentioning that Danvers also has a relationship with Duncan. There appears to be a Mrs Danvers/Maxim de Winter-style relationship going on. We believe that Danvers is in love with Duncan and Lady Macbeth, similar to how Mrs Danvers acts in Rebecca. The romantic feelings for Duncan do appear to be one-sided. We like to believe that the druggy, slowed-down version of “Moonlight Becomes You” by Bing Crosby to which Danvers and Duncan dance is a daydream of Danvers’. We could also see the argument that it is a machination of Hecate’s, in the same style as the interaction between Malcolm and Agnes. However, we like the interpretation more that Danvers is daydreaming this moment with Duncan.

Fulton falls into a similar category to Agnes but he still feels slightly outside of the actions happening within the hotel. On a logistical basis, Fulton’s primary function seems to be as an observer of the carnage in order to direct audience members to the big moments, in a similar way to Speakeasy resetting props. For example, Fulton observes the rave, the Macbeth fight in their bedroom and Banquo’s ghost walking down High Street. His presence draws an audience after him and therefore directs them to not miss those moments.

This also serves a story purpose, however. Fulton is a pious man attempting to cleanse the town of sinister forces, while also inadvertently accidentally falling into them. These moments are, for example, when he finds Sexy Witch in the mortuary, when Taxidermist targets him and when he goes for a drink in the Speakeasy. He continuously attempts to resist and, like Agnes, gives the White Mask who gets his 1:1 a talisman that he says is to protect them from the evil in the hotel, but despite his best intentions, he does get swept up in the goings on in Gallow Green.

Fun story: Lennox had Fulton’s 1:1 one time wearing a mask that had a Hecate kiss on it. That Fulton performer didn’t seem to notice the kiss until after he’d pulled Lennox into the room. He grabbed the holy water, turned around and only then did he notice the kiss. He jumped back and then flung the holy water at Lennox. It was hilarious. Poor Fulton.

We’ve placed him in the gray category because it doesn’t feel like Hecate knows about him or is targeting him like she is the other dolls in her playhouse. It is our opinion that Taxidermist’s targeting of Futon is Taxidermist’s choice and not part of some bigger plot. We could see it being the case that Taxidermist is trying to recruit Fulton - even though he is going about in an extremely poor way, if that’s the case. We don’t know about you guys, but we don’t try to beat up the people we would like to be friends with.

We will look into the Paisley Witch Trials in a later discussion post but the implications but I did want to mention here briefly that Margaret Fulton was the name of one of the women accused of witchcraft in those trials and that could have significance to Fulton’s role within the story. This is already so long that it doesn’t suit anyone for us to discuss that here.

Finally, let’s look at the people on the fifth floor in how they related to Hecate: Nurse Christian and Matron. It’s also possible to discuss this in relation to King James Sanatorium being outside of Hecate’s purview or not. We’re not going to pretend to be experts on the fifth floor. We honestly don’t spend too much time there but we’ll touch on things briefly. We look forward to hearing others’ thoughts about these characters in relation to Hecate.

Nurse Christian Shaw is also a character based on one of the participants in the Paisley Witch trials. We will get into that in more detail in a later post but for now, we’ll just say that Christian Shaw was a young girl who was the first to accuse the women in Paisley of being witches. She also suffered from “fits”. You can see these character traits in the SNM version of Christian Shaw. She experiences multiple fits throughout the loop. In the case of SNM, she definitely appears to be supernatural in some way.

She is also connected to Lady Macbeth. The assumption is that Nurse Christian and Lady Macbeth were patients at the sanatorium together. They were likely friends and Nurse Christian is still keeping watch over Lady Macbeth. She occasionally appears in important moments in Lady Macbeth’s loop, such as Lady Macbeth’s bath on the fifth floor and she watches over the banquet from the mezzanine before pulling a White Mask into the room off of the mezzanine where she implores them to look after Lady Macbeth. She also resets Lady Macbeth’s clothing after the bath.

For these reasons and the fact that she doesn’t appear to have any connection to Hecate, we’ve placed her in Team Gray.

Matron is another interesting case. She is also named after Margaret Lang, another participant in the Paisley Witch Trials who was hanged for witchcraft.

Sleep No More’s Matron used to be the Matron of the King James sanatorium. She has now retreated and locked herself away in her hut in the corner. We love the idea that Matron stops the loops repeating by finally agreeing to leave the forest with Nurse. We think that we could spend another (couch) 5,000 words talking about the loops and peoples’ places in them and what breaks the repeating cycle and we probably will at some point. All that we’re going to say here is that Matron seems to have retreated into the hut to protect herself.

Matron is supernatural-sensitive. She likely has visions, based on the fit she has in her 1:1, and appears to want to protect the White Mask from the horrors happening in the hotel. It is a brave act that she chooses to step out of the hut and that is why we like the idea that she somehow prompts a break in the repeating loops. This is also encouraged by the fact that she looks all around her as she is walking downstairs, horrified by the destruction, almost like she is waking up from a nightmare.

In Conclusion

We need to get a life... Just kidding… Well sorta not…

But we are really intrigued by everything we’ve discussed above. We hope that others will join in on the discussion because we think this could add more to the fandom beyond just cast lists and whispered questions. Truly, no opinions are unwelcome. You can submit them to us privately, reply here or send us asks (anonymous or otherwise) and we’ll post them.

#sleep no more #sleepnomorenyc #sleep no more nyc

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flannelpunkcalum · 5 years ago

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The Devil Wears Kevlar - 12

This link leads to my tdwk tag but I swear I’ll have a masterlist soon!

oh my fucking GOD guys i can’t believe that we made it this far??? just collectively? As a group? It’s been kinda incredible and I hope what I have satisfies you guys somewhat. it was super hard to conclude this segment so i hope you like it. anyway this chapter is SUPER long so get comfy. I love you. Enjoy!

Also I used this map of Gotham as a reference if that helps anyone

Aspen tries not to look like she was watching the other people in the subway. She’s trying to figure out how to arrange her face best to avoid attention. Did this kind of thing happen enough for her to look bored? Should she let herself be nervous? There were no inmates reported missing before she went underground. That was good, at least. For the inmates, she means. They were probably in more danger than she was - more danger that she would be in, soon.

Aspen tries to walk through her plan again. There’s not much of it. Getting to the island is going to be the hard part. She knew that on the Aparo Park side of Arkham Island, some sections were shallow enough to wade or swim across if she was careful and didn’t mind getting damp, and if she got on the island she was sure she’d be able to find the actual asylum. That was if she could actually get there, of course. Lately, the Gotham City Police had been taking a “better safe than story” approach, so they might cut off subway service at any moment. Aspen was hoping they didn’t cut off public transport until they were /sure/ it was an emergency. Last she heard, the asylum was being evacuated, but the subway lines just went under the island, maybe it wouldn’t be enough of an emergency. Ivey was still probably contained to the asylum, right? So they might run transport a little longer. Just a little longer. Before they realized they didn’t know how to fight her.

She reaches into a pocket of her backpack and digs around for hand cream. She wants an excuse to fidget. She’s so close. She’s so close.

Aw, fuck. She forgot her earbuds.

They hit University station no problem, then St. Albert. Aspen keeps her eyes trained on the gritty floor in front of her, shoulders hunched. She wants to look tired, like she’s just trying to get home after a long day. If she keeps still and quiet, maybe she can trick the world around her into thinking that she doesn’t care, she doesn’t need this. Maybe if she doesn’t think too hard about it, the universe will let her get to the island. That’s all she needs. She can take care of herself after that, she just needs to get there.

They hit River Park. It’s the last station before Aparo Park, the subway goes right under the island. Aspen grips her hands tighter as people leave the car. It’s quiet now. She tries not to think too hard. Is the train stalling at the station? The doors are still open. Fuck. She bites at her lower lip. She knows it’s going to be raw by the end of the night, no matter what ends up happening.

If service had stopped, they would have told her, right? The conductor would have made an announcement? Aspen holds her breath until the doors of the train car close and she can sigh in relief.

Home free.

She leans back in her seat as the train starts moving again. They can’t stop her now. Maybe that’s a bad thing. Maybe she shouldn’t be trying to get to this stupid island.

Aspen had taken this trip a few times, meeting up with people in the north part of Gotham. Brunch in the Hill, that sort of thing. The trip under the asylum feels longer now, though, and Aspen tries not to think about the weight of the water overtop of her. She takes deep breaths and keeps an eye on the ad in front of her. Focusing on it helps her nerves a little. It’s about not littering cigarette butts. That’s good of the city to point out. So many people smoke around here.

It’s probably the stress.

Wait. The train is slowing down. Aspen sits up, looking around anxiously as the train comes to a stop. All she can see is black tunnel walls outside. Fuck.

Maybe it’s just a delay. They can’t leave a train car full of civilians in a tunnel under an asylum undergoing incredible structural damage from plant roots, or whatever. They have to take her to the other side, right? Even if it takes a minute or two.

Breathe, she reminds herself. Don’t panic. Not before you get to the fight. Once Ivey’s trying to strangle you with a vine, then you can panic.

“Uh, attention, passengers.” Aspen crosses her fingers in her lap. “We are currently experiencing service interruptions on the Waterfront line due to an emergency on Arkham Island. We’re going to be returning to the Island Centre of Gotham City as soon as the tunnel behind us clears. Thanks for your patience.”

Fuck. Aspen feels her skin go cold. That’s it. They stopped her. Her night is over unless she can find a way out of this car. Again, something takes over her. She’s come too far with a textbook and a cookie sheet as armour in her fucking backpack to turn back now.

...Maybe she could take her chances in the subway tunnel. Aspen knows time is running out, but she makes herself sit still and think it through, heart pounding. It was unlikely that any trains were going to be coming through, now. And this was Gotham. Tunnels crisscrossed the entire archipelago, and there might even be a shortcut through the tunnels. Worst comes to worst, she emerged at Aparo and found her way across the river from there.

She springs up from her seat, getting looks from the other passengers in the car. “My kid sister is home alone uptown.” She lies to no one, looking around desperately for an emergency exit. Nothing in this car. When she rattles the doors, they won’t open. She probably looks crazy. She doesn’t fucking care.

Maybe there’s something in the next compartment. She doesn’t waste time before she wheels around towards the door connecting the cars and slips through. It’s darker in there, when it rattles shut behind her. She takes a deep breath in the brief privacy it allows her. This line has older trains, and the passages between cars are little vinyl accordions, with a metal walkway connecting them. They’re welcome, right now.

Now that she’s had a moment to think, Aspen’s willing to bet that if she takes the emergency exit, some alarm will go off, and maybe the conductors or GCPD will get involved. She can’t afford that. If she gets arrested Calum could downright fire her. Maybe he’d helpfully get one of his friends across the country to offer her a job. Maybe he wouldn’t. It’s just a big risk to take. The train’s gonna start moving any minute. Aspen needs a quieter way off this train, now. Her hand wrapped around the little knife in her pocket as she pressed her hand in, trying to think.

Wait. She felt the cold, smooth edges of the knife, letting her fingers trace over it slowly as she thought. That was one way out.

Adrenaline surges through her and she unfolds the pocket knife, gripping it tightly before stabbing out into the dimness around her. It bounces off the fabric, but Aspen can see a line of white threads where the knife tore it, just a little. Fuck, she really shouldn’t be doing this. Again, she stabs down, and this time she feels cool air from the tunnel when the fabric audibly rips. She presses the knife into the slash she made, dragging the knife down, kneeling to get it low enough make a hole big enough for her to squeeze through. The train lurches, there’s no time to think - she takes off her backpack and pushes it through, and then wiggles herself through. She drops gracelessly to the tunnel floor, feeling gravel stick into the palms of her hands as she presses herself up. She flattens herself to the wall of the tunnel and closes her eyes as the train rushes by, gathering speed - it’s a foot away from her at best, and it is so, so loud. Lights flash against her eyelids.

And then it’s gone.

Aspen can hear the train rattling away down the tunnel, and she opens her eyes. She blinks to try and adjust her vision, but the tunnel is pitch. She fumbles for her phone, flips on the flashlight. Out of curiosity, she checks her reception. No bars. Shocker. Still, if Calum’s tracking her, he’s gonna be scratching his head now.

It’s a fun thought, but she’s sure he’s busy. If something happens down here, she’s on her own.

Well. She’d better get moving, then.

The tunnel is cold, but the air is dry and musty, not wet with mold. Aspen doesn’t know if it’s her imagination or if there’s actually something scurrying around the darkness with her, but she tries not to panic. Rats are one step away from the lab mice she handles all the time, now, she can handle them. Even if they are the size of cats, like she’s heard. Oh, fuck. She really didn’t need to be thinking about that.

She should worry about how she was going to get out of here. She keeps a hand on the wall as she walked, so she didn’t get turned around in the darkness, even with the stark beam of the flashlight in front of her. These tunnels could quickly become catacombs. In fact, with Gotham’s history of crime, there were probably a few bodies rattling around here. Fuck. She really had to focus, Jesus. She couldn’t scare herself down here, where the air seemed to reach down her throat and pull moisture from her lungs. Fuck.

Aspen stopped and rubbed her head. She couldn’t personify the fucking darkness around her. That was how she scared herself stupid. That was how she got hurt.

Aspen keeps walking. She was careful to keep the flashlight beam trained ahead of her, avoiding stray rocks and the tracks. She wasn’t sure which rail was electrified, and she didn’t want to find out. It was quiet, thankfully. She starts humming, some pop hit she heard on the radio.

Her feet crunched along the ground more or less to the beat, and she kept on like that, for a while. She checked her phone for the time. It didn’t matter, she didn’t know where she was.

“’Cause you’ve been acting so conspicuous,” Aspen sings, enjoying the reverb as it dulls her fear a little. “You flip it on me, say I think too much, you’re moving different when we’re making... Fuck. ”

The tunnel split before her. Tracks curved to her right. On her left, the tunnel was strewn with even more debris. It could lead to the island surface, or it could be a dead end. Aspen knew, at least, where the tunnel on the right was heading. Aparo Park station wasn’t far from the river, and once she actually got to the island’s surface she was sure that she could find the massive asylum surrounded by cops easily enough.

She stands there for a second, staring at the tunnels. The tunnels stare back.

Fuck. She pictures the Gotham area in her head. The subway tunnels run to the left of the asylum, right? So she should go left. Wait, fuck, she had no idea where she was.

Aspen took another deep breath and tried to think. Was there another way she could figure out how close she was to the surface?

Ugh. She feels like a dumbass, but she sticks a finger in her mouth real quick to wet it and then holds it out, upright, to feel for a draft. She closes her eyes, even though it’s already dark as hell, and tries to focus.

Left. The left side is colder. Is she sure?

Well, what the hell, if it’s a dead end she’ll find out soon enough.

Aspen opens her eyes and starts down the left side. It quickly becomes much more challenging - there’s more rocks to avoid, and she tries not to think about what happens if she sprains her ankle down here. No room for error. No trips, no mistakes. If she makes it out of this Calum is going to have to acknowledge her. She’s doing good fucking work. She better get a fuckin’, fuckin’ Purple Heart.

But she made the right choice. Soon she can feel a draft on her face, and she can smell water. Maybe she’s on the wrong side of the river, but she doesn’t have to navigate the tunnel out of Aparo, at least. Encouraged, she moves even faster, jogging gently despite the weight of her bag.

It feels good. Somehow she didn’t think she’d get this far.

The wind picks up. Aspen rounds a corner to see her way out - the tunnel opens up into a concrete structure, long and low. It’s dark; there aren’t really any windows. The only way out she can see is right ahead, two big doors with a grate up top. She can see Gotham’s light pollution through the bars. She picks up a rock. She has a feeling that door’s not going to open easy.

She’s right. The door flexes when she shakes it, but there seems to be something on the outside keeping it closed. Fear grips her again. The door isn’t too thick; it feels like aluminum when she steps back. Aspen takes another look; there are rusty hinges on the inside, facing her. A plan takes shape in her mind almost instantly, and she kneels down and puts her phone carefully out of the way before smashing the rock down on the hinge closest to the floor. The sound of angry metals reverberates around the concrete structure, making her wince, but she hits it again, and then again before the metal starts to bend and shear away from the doorframe. Yes.

Aspen feels like a fucking caveman, and she’s sure that half the island can hear her, but she prays there’s enough chaos to cover the noise. With a little hard work, she manages to get the hinge off in twisted pile on the ground.

Okay. That’s step one.

Aspen grabs her phone to get it out of the way, stands up, and kicks at the newly freed corner of the door experimentally. It dents. Okay. Grabbing on to the wall for support, she kicks out again and again, wishing she had worn boots instead of sneakers. No matter. The door slowly crumples like paper, creating a space big enough for her to wiggle through, probably. Thank God for aluminum.

Aspen shakes off the backpack, clambers down on to her belly, and shoves it through the hole. The edges of the metal catch, and she has to push hard to get the bag through. This might hurt, she thinks, and then she drops her head and starts to squirm after her backpack. Metal scratches down her back, digging into her ass and her thighs, but once she stands she checks and her pants aren’t ripped. Not that it would matter. It’s such a casual worry for this night. It barely stings.

Fuck. She did it. She’s here! And she doesn’t have a fancy car or help from the cops or anything. Calum can eat her entire ass, oh my god.

A thought crosses her mind: if he’s not here she’s going to lose her shit.

Aspen makes herself regroup, turning off her flashlight, closing her eyes and breathing slow. She can hear sirens. So that’s where she’s heading next. Slowly, she opens her eyes, but she can’t see any lights to indicate the Asylum. No matter. She’ll find them.

She should get an update on the situation. She opens her phone, trying not to think about how it will fuck with her night vision to check this shit. She googles “updates gotham asylum” and skims the first page of results. The asylum is being searched for any remaining inmates where possible, where the plant growth isn’t too dangerous. The bulk of them are being temporarily removed to Blackgate. She’ll keep an eye out for any patients but as long as it’s not one of the serial killers she thinks she’ll be able to hold her own.

Maybe she’ll keep her rock, just in case.

The landscape of the island is mostly scrubby. There’s a utility road, or what’s left of one, leading out of the little valley with the abandoned tunnel. Maybe, back when the Gotham subway was being built, the asylum was going to be a stop. It makes Aspen feel a little weird, thinking about what could have been here other the facility and a sewage processing plant. Maybe if people lived here, if there was ice cream shops and shoe stores and a grocer’s, the people behind the walls wouldn’t feel so angry and alone.

She has to turn off the road to follow the sirens. The bushes smack into her arms, and she has to train her eyes carefully on the ground to keep from tripping. They’re moving, she realizes, not the branches but the cars, and she starts to run, looking for the road. The sirens are intermittent, like birds calling and responding.

The road appears quickly, and now she can see flashing lights bouncing off the trees and everything else. The cop cars are in motion; they seem to be escorting a bus full of prisoners somewhere, and she’s willing to bet where they’re leaving is where she wants to be.

It’s easy, from there. Aspen has been exiled for this, kept from everything she wanted, crawled through vinyl and dirt and rust for this. Finding the actual asylum is simple.

Arkham Asylum has big gates, really big Gothic ones. As Aspen gets closer, she realizes they’re closed. Well, maybe they’ll just let her in. She can’t be an inmate, they’d have to, obviously she’s on the wrong side of the fence.

If she hadn’t slowed down to take the asylum in, she wouldn’t have heard him. She has just come down to a walk when she heard the ground behind her crunch. Someone was there. She didn’t have time to think before she wheeled around, rock raised, ready to smash their fucking head in.

The Batman knocked her hand aside, sending the rock flying harmlessly out of her grip. Aspen grabbed her wrist stupidly as he looms over her. He looks so much bigger in that suit, devoid of all the tiny softnesses that made him recognizable as Calum. No wonder it took her so long to realize back at that construction site.

They’re both frozen for a while. All that time in the tunnel, and she still had no idea what to say to him.

“What do you think you’re doing.” He says, taking a step towards her. It’s not a question. Fuck, she’s in trouble

Aspen retreats, taking another step towards the gates. Her mind feels slow with nerves. “You wouldn’t let me see you in your office.”

It’s dark out, but she gets the feeling he rolls his eyes. “Didn’t I tell you I was trying to keep you safe? How did you even - it doesn’t matter. You’re leaving. Now.” Calum reaches out fast and grabs her bicep before she can move away. She feels like a kitten, and he’s got her by the scruff of her proverbial neck. He almost lifts her off her feet.

“No! Let me go.” Aspen kicks out for his shins, connects with armour. It hurts her more than it hurts him. He’s not listening.

“Don’t struggle.”

“I know how you can beat her! Calum, I -”

“That’s not my name. You don’t know what you’re saying.” Calum says, dragging her along. Aspen doesn’t know where he’s intending to put her, but she does know it’s not fucking happening. She’s staying.

“Burning the plants isn’t gonna work!” She yells. Fuck subtlety. Maybe Gordon will listen to her, if the cops find her before Calum puts her somewhere she can’t kick her way out of.

But, wonder of wonders, Calum stops. He freezes. Aspen’s dangling on her tiptoes, trying to balance herself. “I know that plant. It’s called jute and it’s gonna be super green. Burning it is gonna damage the asylum more than Pamela Ivey.” The cowl tilts. He’s listening. She tries to catch her breath. “Cold is gonna be way more effective. You fought that Professor Freeze -”

“Victor Fries.”

“Whatever. I mean, yeah.” Aspen covers quickly. She’s taking this seriously, she swears. “I’m willing to bet you have some of his cryogenic tech stored away. You can freeze the plants to keep them from growing more and maintain the structural integrity long enough to get any remaining inmates out. Then you might even be able to shatter them with that sonic blast thing you’re trying to sell to the military.”

Calum lowers his arm a little, and Aspen finds her footing again. “How did you know about all that?”

Aspen takes her chance, and yanks her arm out of his grip. It’s not as satisfying as it should be. They both know that he’s letting her break away. “Does it matter? I’m trying to fucking help you.” She says, taking a step out of his reach again. Her shoulder burns like the frusteration in the pit of her stomach.

“I don’t need your help.” The Batman turns his face away.

“Obviously you do.”

The cowl is pretty face-absorbing, but Aspen could swear she saw his jaw flex. “You’re a distraction. I can’t have you getting into trouble for me while I’m trying to save Gotham.”

“For you?” Aspen repeats. Fuck it, she is angry now, she gets into his space again. “You think I came all the fuckin’ way out here solely for your benefit?”

Lighting quick, he reaches out and grabs her face. She stills immediately, his eyes boring into hers. She doesn’t dare move. “Every time I look at you I see that cut you got trying to keep me safe. Do you know what that’s like?” Calum turns her head, forcing her to face the side. She can feel his eyes tracing the cut on her cheek. His grip on her jaw is dangerous - it’s barely not strong enough to hurt her. Just. He wants her to know how easily he could make this hurt.

Aspen doesn’t give a shit. She’s so mad her brain turns to angry static, and her mouth hangs open. How fucking dare he.

He pushes her so she stumbles back in her furious daze. “I’m not going to let that happen again. Now, you can go quietly into a cop car and get a nice ride home, or I can -”

“You’re such a fucking asshole.”

“What?”

“You’re an asshole.” Aspen repeats. Her hand flies to her face, tracing the ridges of the raised scar. “You think I did this for you? God, you’re so fucking selfish.” He is quiet. Not that she notices. She’s too mad to think about what he’s doing. She just wants him to hurt.

“Fuckin’ Christ.” She laughs. “I kept my mouth shut because I knew that the second I talked, they were gonna kill me. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to keep you safe, you jackass. I was trying to save my life. God,” she mocks his voice, “do I know what that’s like. It’s my fucking face! How do you think I feel!” She’s shaking. She has to catch her breath. She hasn’t been so angry in a long time.

The mask remains impassive, but - “I’m sorry.” He says. Aspen blinks. It sounds weird, in his Batman rasp.

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry it’s such a fucking burden for you to look at me. What a martyr. Thank God you’re around to make these difficult fucking choices for me, right?” She snaps at him.

“I’m sorry.” Calum says through gritted teeth. Aspen’s not worried. As if his anger could catch up to hers. “Listen, this isn’t the time.”

“I’m not gonna give you the chance to kick me out again. Every time you see me you’re trying to make it the last time and you know what? I’m fucking sick of it!” She shakes her head, as if that will clear it. “You should have let me help when I offered in the first place.”

Calum shakes his head. “No.” He says, simply.

“Fuck you.” Aspen snaps, dropping her backpack off her back. She had never wanted to shake the sense into someone before, but she was about to try. That was worth losing her protection for. Let her get shot. Obviously he would feel it more, that fucking asshole.

“Go home.” Calum says, looking around. The gates of the asylum loom up behind him. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

“If I’m not halfway to Central City by then!”

Calum’s face is inches from hers. “Aspen. Thank you for your help. Now, get off this island before you get hurt again.”

Aspen shakes her head. She makes herself take a deep breath. It stills something inside her, and she can finally properly look at him. Calum’s eyes are dark in the sockets of his mask, and his chest is heaving. He’s mad, too. Goddamn, they keep fucking doing this to themselves.

He’s so close she can smell that cologne he uses, even through the suit. They both realize how close they are at the same moment, but neither one steps back. Aspen is suddenly waiting for him to kiss her, but all he does is let out a little sigh. He doesn’t move. Not an inch.

“I have to do everything myself, don’t I?” She says, and then she grabs that stupid fucking cowl and yanks him in and kisses him.

Maybe he lets her drag him in, or maybe he’s surprised. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s kissing her back ferociously, pressing his tongue at the seam of her lips almost immediately. Aspen opens her mouth so he can feel her teeth. Her fingernails find seams in his armour and she drags herself closer, pressing her body against his. His hand finds the soft place above her hip and he digs his fingers in, pulling her closer. Calum pushes back; he presses in, kissing her so hard she has to tilt her head back and cling to him to stand upright. His teeth dig into her bottom lip, and Aspen’s body jolts as he pulls back slowly, until she feels like her whole body is going to snap. When he lets go suddenly and lets her lip fall back into place, they stare at each other, chests heaving, sharing a breath in the tiny space.

“Fuck,” Calum growls, and he grabs her thighs, lifting her and pressing her against one of the brick pillars by the gate so fast the air is knocked out of her lungs. He kisses her hard, fingers digging into her thighs as he tries to devour her. Aspen whimpers into his mouth, she can’t help it. She wants to be able to pull his hair. She wants to feel him so bad. Calum kisses like a tsunami, all overwhelming force like he’s trying to knock her over and over until she doesn’t know which way is up. Usually Aspen has tricks, she kisses like she’s trying to hint at what else her mouth is good at. This time there’s none of that. She just has to cling to him, wrap her legs around his waist and let his lips envelop her.

She wraps her arms around his neck and grinds down on him as they kiss, feeling short of breath in the best fucking way. Calum’s hands move up to her ass, helping her roll her body against his. Aspen doesn’t know how this happened and she doesn’t fucking care, she just wants to kiss him forever. God, she wishes she could feel him. All of him.

When Calum pulls back, she doesn’t care, she chases his mouth until he grabs her hair to keep her from getting caught up in another kiss. She whines, and when she opens her eyes he’s smirking at her. That’s mean. She squirms against him, mouth half open, knowing she’s desperate and not fucking caring. Calum makes a small sound, a fond one, she thinks, even though it’s weird hearing tenderness come from him, from the Batman, and he leans in again -

Aspen jumps when the sound of metal shrieks out behind her. The gates are opening. Batman moves fast - he moves back so she drops down from where he had her pinned, and tucks her under his arm as a cop car, lights flashing, pulls through the gate. “Wait,” Aspen says, as he pulls her towards the road. The car’s stopped in front of them. He’s trying to kick her out again. “Wait, please, I want to stay.” It sounds pathetic in her own ears as the officer steps out.

Calum ignores her. “Take this civilian back to the city centre. She’s in danger.” He orders the cop, grabbing her by the shoulder to pull her out from the security of his chest. His thumb is on her spine.

“No, I’m not - I’m not going!” Aspen cries, but this cop obviously is on the Batman’s side, he grabs her other arm and helps pull her away.

“Miss, miss, come on, let’s get you out of -”

“I need to stay!” Aspen says, turning to him wild-eyed. “I’m here to help, please -” She turns around to plead with Calum again, and he’s just gone. The ground where he stood is empty. A disappearing act. It shocks her so much she goes still and stops fighting the cop.

He left her. Again.

The officer isn’t as impressed as she at the Batman’s little trick. He’s still tugging at her. Aspen gives in quietly, numbly lets him get her in the backseat of his car. Her mouth is still wet from his kisses. She had really thought she was going to win this one. She didn’t even get to see Poison Ivy!

Pushed to the side again. She was starting to get used to it.

The cop asked her a few conversational questions, in a friendly sort of way. He knows the officers from her last ride in a cop car. She’s famous, almost. Aspen didn’t answer him except to tell him where to drop her off. She felt sick. It should have been raining; she should have been soaked and shivering, making the scene even more pathetic. But no, the stars were stubbornly out, and she could see them even through the bars.

“See that?” The cop says.

Aspen didn’t respond.

“‘S one of the Bat’s drones. He uses them for bringing in artillery.”

Aspen looks, even though she tries not to do it too obviously. Something does wizz over the car. Maybe that’s the freeze gun. Maybe she did help.

Well, it’s gonna be the last fucking contribution she ever makes in Gotham.

Calum’s not going to let her stay, now. She’s proven herself to be too much trouble. Aspen’s heart aches. Fuck, she has got to stop kissing him. It never seems to end well.

Also, cop car back seats are fucking uncomfortable. She couldn’t have sat in the front this time?

“Oh, sh- hey, I forgot my backpack. We need to go back.” Aspen realized. Stupid.

The cop just shakes his head. “No can do, miss. You heard the Bat. We’ll find a way to get it back to you later.” She slumps back into the plastic back seat, kicking herself for leaving her backpack behind.

Aspen doesn’t offer herself the wild hope that she’ll be allowed to stay. What had Calum said that day in her office, again? What were the terms of her exile? They were still pretending she didn’t know, then, so there was nothing explicit, but she’s pretty sure that vandalizing a subway car, trespassing through the tunnels under the island, and running all over Arkham Island is in violation of her parole.

Aspen doesn’t cry until she’s safely at home. She shuts the door to the apartment and leans against it and she can’t move, she just stands there and cries silently until she can move apart her apartment, face twisted with tears, and shuck off her clothes to shower. Dirt swirls around the drain. Fuck, she has an early morning tomorrow. Her last morning, probably. It hurts her to think how easily Calum can make her disappear out here.

She checks the news, standing in her towel in the bathroom after fishing her phone out of her pocket. Poison Ivy has been recaptured. It doesn’t feel like a triumph.

She collapses into bed, muscles grateful, but it takes her a long, long time to fall asleep.

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Aspen hums to the mice. Take Good Care of My Baby. It’s a cute little 50s tune. Yes, she knows it’s stupid, the mice aren’t her babies, but she’s feeling fucking sentimental, alright, it’s probably her last day.

She hates saying goodbye to places. It feels like Goodnight Moon. She says a fond farewell to every sink, every coat rack, even the counter she banged her hip on every other day. She’s just cleaning up when she hears Ashton come in, yelling her name, and she braces herself for the worst kind of parting.

“Mac, where are you? Oh, still with the mice.” Ashton comes in, practically panting. “I just got off the phone with Mr. Hood. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving us?”

No. God, her stomach sinks. He must be really pissed, if he didn’t have the decency to tell her himself she was being transferred. Fuck. “I’m really sorry.” Aspen says, turning to face him. “If I had known sooner, I would have told you. I never wanted to leave you shorthanded.”

“No, no.” Ashton says, smiling. Aspen’s heart squeezes in her chest. He’s glad to get rid of her. Fuck, was she really that much of a burden after the incident? “Don’t worry about us. Holy shit!” He hugs her. Aspen would hug him back, only she’s kind of in a state of shock. She hadn’t realized her recent work was that bad. “You’re gonna come visit us, right?”

“...I mean, as often as I can, it’s just kinda far.”

Ashton laughed again, and actually leaned back to pick her up and spin her around. “Kinda far, she says. You deserve this, Mac.” He says, once he sets her down. “I’m so proud of you.” He holds her at arm’s length. He is beaming.

Wait, what the fuck? “Thanks.” Aspen mumbled as an afterthought. She doesn’t know what’s going on. “What, uh, what exactly did Mr. Hood tell you about?”

“Your lab.” Ashton blinks at her. “The lab you’re heading. You’re supposed to be meeting him there any minute now. I just wanted to congratulate you before you headed up.”

What? “I, uh, just wanted to make sure I could tell you everything. He told me to, um, just kind of, kind of keep everything under wraps until it was all official. I didn’t want to jinx anything.” Aspen steps out of Ashton’s range, moving around him quickly, peeling off her lab coat. She has to get up there. She checks her phone; nothing. Another test. “I better head up. I’ll be down soon, alright? I’ll be right back.” She says, as if that will make it true.

“Yeah, of course. Good luck, Mac. I mean, I’m sure you won’t need luck, you’ve already got the lab, but -” Aspen walks out on him as he continued on. It’s rude of her. She didn’t care. She worried her hands as she headed for the elevator.

Where the fuck was she even going? Aspen got in the elevator, mercifully empty, and stared at the panel for a moment. What floor were the Hood Tech labs on again? She knows she’s not nearly of that caliber, but it’s her best bet. Aspen hits the button and prays as the door closes. She counts the floors, like it’s some strange countdown to a bomb detonating. Calum wouldn’t get Ashton to lie to her about a lab, he wouldn’t hurt her like that. Was this her transfer? Was that what it was? Was he meeting with her to give her this pretty consolation prize? What if she’s not even going to the right spot?

Aspen shuffles back as the elevator fills and empties, like the tides. She has a long way to go, a long vertical ride for her to chew on her lip and wrestle with her hands. It feels like ages later when she steps out of the elevator, alone, on the Hood Tech landing.

Calum is there.

“You found me,” He says, smiling, and Aspen can’t believe it. She’s actually incredulous. He’s never smiled at her like that - all sunny and unguarded like nothing’s happened. Like they’re both unscarred.

Aspen just nods. She doesn’t know what it’s safe to say yet. Calum can see how worried she is, and he puts a big hand on her shoulder to soothe her.

Out of all the freaky shit Aspen’s seen since she came into his office, this might top everything.

“I need to thank you for your help last night.” He says as he starts to guide her down the hall.

Okay, that’s now the freakiest.

Aspen doesn’t peek into the doors around her, this time. She keeps her eyes on him. “You thanked me then.” She says, cautiously. So they can just… talk about this? They can just do that?

“Not properly.” He’s excited - Aspen has to hurry to keep up with him again. “Your strategy was invaluable. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner, but - and how did you even get on the island?”

He’s beaming. That’s the word she’s looking for, Calum is beaming. Aspen feels it on her skin like the sun. “Subway tunnel.”

He shakes his head. “I thought so.” Grinning, he stops at a closed door and waves a key card in front of a sensor. A light turns green and he pushes the door open. “I arranged something for you. As a thank you.” He keeps looking at her, like an expectant kid watching someone open a present. This is for you”

It really is a lab. Well, not yet, but it will be. There are benches and monitors and it’s all white and clean, waiting for her to fill it with what she needs to save her corner of the world. Aspen’s not being sent away. She’s not going anywhere. She gets to stay. She gets all this.

She should say something. She can feel Calum looking at her expectantly, and she fucking hopes he can see the joy shining on her face, but she can’t think of what to say. “...I thought you were transferring me.” She says after a moment. Wait, no, that’s not what she means. She turns to face him properly. “I mean, thank you. Thank you so much.”

Calum squeezes her shoulder gently. His hand starts to wander up a little more, fingers just brushing the edges of the skin of her neck exposed by her shirt. Aspen tries not to think about it. “You deserve it. Just let me know what you need, I’ll see to it for you. I didn’t know what equipment you’d need, but -”

“It’s perfect.” Aspen says. “Don’t worry about it. It’s perfect.” She wants to kiss him. Fuck, she can’t say enough how much this means to her, she wants to show him. She holds off, though. She can’t fuck this up now.

But she can’t wait. She settles for throwing her arms around him in a hug, and with his lightning fast reflexes Calum hugs her back, folds her into his chest and rests his head on hers like he was waiting for this. If he was waiting, she wouldn’t have been mad. He could be one step ahead of her on this one.

Too soon, he pulls back, but he keeps his hands on her so she faces him square. He checks over his shoulder to make sure the door is closed, face sober for a second, then - “This support isn’t conditional on you working with me as… As Batman.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’d really appreciate it if you considered -”

“Yes.” Aspen says, too fast. She laughs at herself nervously. This is incredible. “I mean, I fuckin’ considered it pretty hard last night, if we’re speaking freely, sir.”

Calum laughs at that, ducking his head. When he raises it, Aspen shifts in his arms; he’s looking at her so tenderly she can’t breathe. “There are a few conditions.” He says, once he’s caught his breath and found a way to arrange his face into something other than a grin. He pulls away, trying to take on the Calum-Hood-CEO pose she’s seen him do in so many meetings. His stern face isn’t entirely convincing. Aspen loves it.

“Hit me.”

“I- okay.” Calum chuckles again before getting himself back under control. “The big thing is you don’t come into the field with me. That’s non-negotiable. I’ll give you a direct comm link to me at all times, whatever you want, but I am not putting you in the line of fire. Don’t start.” He warns as Aspen opens her mouth to protest. He’s really stern, now. He means this one.

She closes her mouth. “Fine.”

Calum gives her a look that is so unbearably soft she thinks she might fall apart. “You train every day with me at the manor.” He continues. “Every day. You also need to be available at all times. If I call, you head straight here, no questions asked. You can pursue any research you want in your spare time, but if you take this on I’d expect your priority to be supporting me.”

Any research? Aspen’s heart almost jumps out of her throat. This is worth the bloodshed. This is worth every sleepless night. And he’s finally gonna let her do her work. “I - yes. Of course.” She says, nodding seriously despite the happiness bubbling inside her.

“You should take your time with this choice.”

It sounds like Calum is trying to warn her, but Aspen doesn’t give a shit. “With all due respect, Cal, you couldn’t keep me away from this if you tried.” She says, stepping into the lab to explore in case he decides to try and drag her out. “And, in fact, you have. And it didn’t work out for you.”

“Don’t be smug.” Calum says behind her. He’s smiling. She can hear it. It makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

“I’m right, though.” Aspen says, pulling a wheely-chair out from a desk experimentally. Her backpack is placed on her seat. Her backpack! “Oh my god, you brought my bag in for me?” She says, turning around to face him.

“Yeah, what were you doing at Arkham Asylum with a biochemistry textbook?” Calum asks, tilting his head to the side as he walks over.

“It was supposed to help if anyone shot at me from behind.” Calum snorts out a laugh, and doesn’t try to hide it. Mean, she thinks fondly. “Hey, listen, we don’t all have multi-million dollar corporations behind us to make custom suits or whatever.” She pouts, but he just laughs again and walks towards her.

“I’ll order you a bulletproof backpack.”

“Oh, you can actually do that?”

“Sir.” He reminds her, but he’s smiling, like it’s an inside joke.

Aspen shakes her head and grins. “Oh, fuck off, we’re way past that, sir.”

Calum grabs the backpack out of her hands and before it hits the floor he is kissing her. He grabs her hips, pressing her back against the desk as his tongue curls languidly into her mouth. Aspen’s body melts into his and she finally, finally gets to weave her fingers into his hair and tug on it gently. Calum kisses like a fucking dream like this, all unhurried and so happy his lips are always in danger of stiffening into a smile. Aspen loves it.

When Calum pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers. His lips are parted, and Aspen knows if she tries she can dart in and kiss him again. But she resists that urge; she stays still. She doesn’t want to make a sudden move and have him pull away again. And after a long moment, Calum connects their lips again. His thumbs dig into the soft areas above her hips, but this kiss is short, it’s sweet. He pulls away, far enough that she can see it clearly when he smiles at her.

But then he hesitates.

“I don’t - I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to do this.”

Fuck that. He kissed her this time. Aspen’s had enough of this. “Then let me go.”

He doesn’t.

They’re quiet for a few moments more. Aspen takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to be a woman who just bends over backward for someone, asks for nothing and starves. But right now, this is what she wants. She likes that he’s the only one who can keep up with her, the only person who makes her feel so unsteady, free even if it’s free-fall.

“Hey,” she says, quietly, “I don’t expect ‘normal’ from you. I know what the reality of this is. I don’t need any promises, I don’t want you to feel like I’m your weakness, but - don’t keep pushing me away. Either cut this off right now, or just - let me keep kissing you. But don’t leave me hanging here. One or the other. Please.”

Calum’s still holding her hips as he looks at her. For once, Aspen doesn’t feel afraid. No matter what comes next, she knows she can take it. Fuck, she spent all that time alone chained to a chair, she can cut Calum out of her heart easy now that she’s been through that.

And she knows she can handle his love.

Calum leans in again, but Aspen lets go of his hair to put a hand to his chest, stopping him even as his lips puckered. “Don’t.” She says, meeting his eyes. “Don’t kiss me if it’s gonna be a goodbye.”

He swallows hard. Aspen can see his Adam’s apple bob. He reaches up to cup her face, running his thumb along the scar on her cheek. She jolts. She’s never let anyone touch her there. No one who knew her, no one who wasn’t wearing gloves. His touch is gentle, his hand warm. She swears she can feel the ridges of his fingertips.

Calum kisses her, and God, it feels good.

“You gave me a heart attack. You scared me.” She jokes when he pulls away, and he laughs, throwing his head back. His eyes shine when he looks back at her.

“I didn’t mean to - Listen, I really have to go, I have meetings all morning, but I’ll come see you after. We need to get you set up as soon as possible, alright, Penny?”

How long had he been thinking about calling her that? Aspen doesn’t care. Well, maybe she did. She could ask now. She doesn’t have to pretend so much anymore. “How long have you been thinking about calling me that?” She asks, tilting her head.

He rolls his eyes at her, looking away like he’s embarrassed to be asked. Her heart swells. Fuck, he’s perfect. “Too long. You don’t mind it?” Calum asks finally. He means it, he’s unsure. She can see it in his eyes.

“No one calls me that. It’s… kinda sweet.” She says, and she means it, too.

“It suits you.” He says, squeezing her hip before letting her go to head for the door. “Listen, I’ll bring lunch from that place you like when I come back?”

This is how it ends, then. He leaves her alone to sort out the lab, sort out everything. Aspen’s not totally naive; they’ll talk business at lunch, and then they’ll talk pleasure. She’s willing to bet Calum will have come up with a crazy list of rules by then, try to polarize this. She can take him, though. She can take him. After that, more work, and then there will be a date, or maybe not. He’ll probably get all dressed up tonight, in a suit of one sort or another.

What the hell, she can’t predict how her days are going to go from here on out. The thought kinda thrills her. She just smiles around her empty lab and starts to get to work.

But that’s not how it all ends.

The adventures of Calum and Aspen will continue in “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bat”, coming soon to a blog near you!

#that's my big project #and yes it is stupid #and yes it was dumb of me to tease it #and no i don't give a fuck #my writing #twdk #twdk12 #5sos series #5sos fic #5 seconds of summer series #calum hood fic #calum hood series #ch blurb #batman!au #ceo!cal

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