#also Ratchet’s gonna be like the only bot that keeps their role

[quibbs126]

What would every Transformer’s job be if they were just doing like, community service?

Okay here’s a more specific setup to clarify what I mean more. Cybertron’s been brought back to life, though everything’s still in ruin, peace has been brokered between the Autobots and Decepticons, and now they have to rebuild Cybertron. What is everyone’s job in this rebuilding of Cybertron?

Originally this was just gonna extend to the Decepticons, like they lost the war and have to do community service as their sentence or something, but then I wanted to extend it to the Autobots as well. And also, why shouldn’t they help in rebuilding Cybertron too?

Only rule of mine is no political positions. Well, more specifically, the position of ruling Cybertron or part of it. I know logically someone needs to be running things, but it’s a lazy answer to me for the purposes of this discussion. Also no cops, Prowl needs to be doing something other than cop work

Community service is the name of the game here, even if logically not everyone’s gonna be doing that. You get the idea

[fan-burns]

Little late, but here’s my take on a Swap!Au for Robots! It’s still a WIP, so bare with me!

(Shout out to @kalifiah and @themadauthorshatter for their Swap and Dead End Friends Au respectively, since their takes on the idea inspired me to make my own!)

Main differences:

-Ratchet was built in Rivet Town and had Madame and Monsieur Gasket to raise him.

-Madame Gasket in particular is known for her loving and passionate personality, with Monsieur Gasket being a pure sweetheart for all to enjoy. He was also known for needing constant repairs. Despite this, he keeps up his optimism.

-Ratchet messed up his leg when he was 17. I’m still working on what happened, but whatever happened wasn’t catastrophic, so he built himself a crutch to save money. He can’t really run with it, so the magnetized chance scene is way shorter then in the movie.

-Ratchet never cared for the sleek and shiny upgrades, much to his parents joy. He works with his dad at Gunks’s to help pay for repairs.

-Like cannon Rodney, he picked up tinkering after learning about Bigweld. Unlike Rodney, however, Ratchet also looked into becoming a repair bot for a career so he could simply repair his dad himself and save money.

-Ratchet used an old vase to make the wonderbot (you can actually see her in the sketch). She’s pretty chatty, even if she can only talk in bleeps and squeaks.

-Ratchet’s story isn’t much different from this point on, he goes to the city, meets the rusties, saves the day, etc. Only real notable difference is that he’s kind of a dumbass. He’s got zero sense of self preservation and it shows. He also kinda falls for the villain like a chad and has to deal with that sob story.

-Rodney, however, oh boy that’s an entirely different story.

-His parents own the Chop Shop, with his mother in charge and his father taking the role of caregiver to Rodney. Herb is still Herb here, but takes cannon Monsieur’s “Bye son, good luck with your dastardly plans!” Personality to a whole new level.

-Herb’s pretty laid back about the whole evil plan thing as long as his son is home in time for dinner. That, and his morning coffee. (Morning oil? Coolant?)

-Rodney’s mom (Lydia I think?) acts as a creeper Madam Gasket. Lots inspiration from The Other Mother from Coraline (we’ll see a full body someday). Other than that, she isn’t entirely fleshed out yet, so I’ll definitely make separate posts for each of the characters.

-Out of everyone in this Au, Rodney has changed completely. He’s seductive, manipulative, and is the brains behind the business. When he wants something, he’ll get it one way or another. It doesn’t help that he’s currently in charge of one of the largest companies in the city. He’s in charge and he fucking knows it.

-He’s also known to do a lot of model work during his free time, so he’s got a whole arsenal of upgrades and heels (yes he has heels in this Au) for him to run the runway with and to flex. If you’re gonna sell something, why not advertise it yourself?

I’m still working on this Au, so any comments or feedback would help me out and I’d really appreciate it in the long run.

✨~Ciao! ✨

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

Tfp Feral baby Soundwave Au (I seen the other post and I now will Ride or die for it) Cons and Bots reaction the now Gremlin Baby version of Soundwave

Megatron is unamused. His most competent and loyal follower has been turned into a useless sparkling. This is not a good situation. For now the focus is on turning Soundwave back to normal. Until then Megatron will have nothing to do with his TIC since he has no patience for sparklings.

Starscream, meanwhile, is very much amused. Oh this is hilarious. Emotionless, stoic Soundwave, turned into a sparkling. It’s better than anything he could ever have imagined. Teased Soundwave so damn much and then acts surprised when he harasses him back.

Knockout finds it kinda funny but ultimately just tiring. Sigh, he knows he’s gonna have to help figure out how to solve this mess. Just what he needed, more work. At least Soundwave is still quiet as a sparkling so he doesn’t have to worry about him having a screaming fit.

Breakdown finds it even funnier than Knockout and he can’t help but get charmed by sparkling Soundwave. He’s just so tiny and cute! The only decepticon on the Nemesis that knows how to handle sparklings and it shows. Holds Soundwave more than anyone else.

Shockwave only finds this a waste of time. Rather than focus on his research, now he has to find a way to reverse the transformation. If it had been Starscream this had happened to then Shockwave wouldn’t even have tried helping him. Soundwave is at least worth the effort.

Dreadwing is bothered by the situation. Soundwave is a strong and capable mech and him being in this state is a really bad thing for the decepticons. He hopes that the situation will be resolved soon so things can go back to normal. Otherwise he tries to avoid sparkling Soundwave.

Airachnid sees an opportunity. While in this state, she can easily take his role as third in command. All he has to do is get rid of the little pest. This is harder than he initially thought it would be since sparkling Soundwave is a menace and won’t stop crawling on the walls in the vents.

Optimus is instantly charmed by little Soundwave. Yes, he knows that this is the TIC of the decepticons but look at him, he’s a baby. Blissfully blind to what a menace Soundwave is to everyone and treats him like his own son, even as Soundwave is trying to rip his fingers off.

Ratchet is fucking tired. Just what they needed. A sparkling. A sparkling that also happens to be the decepticon TIC. Fucking great. Yes, Ratchet is fond of sparklings but that doesn’t extend to those that have committed war crimes and killed a lot of his comrades.

Bumblebee laughs. Oh look at the little baby! So tiny! So cute! So- ow! It tried to rip his mouthguard off! Ok little Soundwave, if that’s how you wanna play it. Still thinks sparkling Soundwave is cute but now he’s on his guard, not trusting this little brat to not do any harm.

Bulkhead is like “what the fuck?” and continues to feel like this the entire time. That’s... Soundwave. But he’s a sparkling. How the fuck did this happen? Should he still treat him like a decepticon or as a sparkling? Should he put him in a cell? Play with him? WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO???

Arcee distrust sparkling Soundwave. He might not be able to kill them right now but that doesn’t mean he’s harmless. Her suspicious are confirmed when he tries to push Jack down some stairs. That sparkling is evil! Keeps an eye on him the entire time so he won't do anymore harm.

Smokescreen teases Soundwave a lot. Not out of menace but because he thinks this whole situation is just funny. Soundwave retaliates by slashing his tires. Now Smokescreen doesn’t think this is funny anymore. This means war. Joins Arcee’s side. THAT SPARKLING IS EVIL!

Wheeljack just leaves. Nope, he ain’t dealing with this shit. If it was just regular Soundwave then he could fight him but Soundwave as a sparkling? He ain’t got no fucking clue how to deal with that. Besides, he’s never been good with sparklings anyway so this whole situation makes him uncomfortable.

Ultra Magnus puts little Soundwave on a makeshift child leash. It works for about 10 minutes before Soundwave wriggles out of it and runs way to wreak havoc. Ultra Magnus is so stressed out. There’s nothing in the Autobot code about what to do when your enemy transforms into a sparkling.

[unclerippuascension]

Transformers Prime Liveblogging By A Transformers Fan Who Doesn’t Like Prime, Episode 3

I love that Ratchet reacts to this ungodly little hellspawn in the same way I react to a spider. And also Optimus immediately jumps to it being Dark Energon, which I thought was a fabled space thingie only said to exist. I know Megatron has it, but Optimus doesn’t know that or shouldn’t instantly know that

Speaking of Megatron, he now has a crack addiction! Like literally how else am I to interpret that? Megatron is now addicted to crack rocks. Starscream is right to basically go “what the fuck” because I too would wonder the same thing if my boss injected space crocodil directly into his heart.

Ok before I go on with any later observations I need to say how weirdly out of place Peter Cullen sounds as Prime!Optimus. Maybe its because I’m not used to his Optimus voice (I’m a Beast Wars and TFA enjoyer, I’m used to Gary Chalk and David Kaye for my Opitmuses) or maybe its just that my brain exclusively associates Peter Cullen’s voice with G1 Optimus, but I look at Prime!Optimus and I don’t imagine that mature commanding voice coming out of his mouth. Maybe its the fact that Prime!Optimus looks like G1 Optimus but doesn’t have his face mask up all the time like his G1 design does, I’ve kind of subconciously associated the lack of a battle mask with Orion Pax (this also applies to TFA, but thats also because TFA!Optimus just feels more like Orion in general) and my silly little autism brain is experiencing a mitch-match between visuals and auditory. Bottom line, my eyes do not believe the bot standing before me is a war-hardened old man.

Ratchet: Where on Earth is Megatron going to find that many dead Cybertronians? >Megatron literally has an army of Vehicons that I assume are effected by the zombie crack rocks. Also Optimus tells Arcee him and Ratchet are leaving...but doesn’t tell her why, because reasons. I’m kind of already over Arcee’s habit of bitching, but she kinda has a right to be a little pissed rn, granddad. Maybe fill in where the fuck you and the team’s only medic is going??? In case something goes wrong?? No?? Okay, but he better not be all dad-style grumpy when he finds out Arcee and Not-Bumblebee (see beginning of this post for why I call him that, we’re moving on) fucked off to do their own thing.

Honestly so far I don’t get why we have three child companions, like maybe its too early to pass judgements but the only kid who grabs my attention is Miko, and thats mainly because I love the ‘weird punk girl’ archetype a lot. My opinion on the boys might change, but for now I don’t get why the writers split up the whole “Autobot human buddy” role between three seperate characters when only one is nessecary and often times results in a more developed character (just look at Sari from TFA). Not to sound like one of those annoying Prime fans who focus too much on the politics of an alien robot cartoon but it kinda feels like Prime added these fairly uninteresting human male characters so their mostly young male audience didn’t have to relate to a girl character in their grittier looking Transformers show that is clearly trying to rake in some of the popularity from the uber-masculine Bayverse movies--When does Knock Out show up? I need something to distract me from everything else about this show so I don’t psycho-analyze it so much.

Fowler: I’m taking these children into federal custody. Or you could just fuckin’ contact their parents, my guy. Who’s gonna believe a bunch of literal children if they say they were with giant alien robots? Why do we need to arrest the children?? I get that keeping as few humans aware of their existance is a priority for the Autobots, but why does the government give two fucks if these kids know about the Cybertronians? The Decepticons don’t know about the kids or the base, or they didn’t until Mr. Government Agent Guy got his call intercepted by Soundwave, great fucking job there dude.

Ok so they DO explain why energon is on earth, still a smidge odd that the Decepticons and Autobots hid their life sustaining Energon on this random ass planet, but I’m not gonna question these higher life forms.

Why is Laserbeak a fucking angular drone, please just bring back the goofy casette tape creatures. Make them USBs or some shit, I dunno.

And then my internet connection shits the bed for like five minutes! Great! Thanks Verizon!

WOW Bulkhead, a man could be dead right now and your response is “Eh he was a jerk”. Why is it the children who have been here for like twenty minutes who go “the decepticons could get our location out of fowler, we should find him before the decepticons find out where we are” like what the fuck dude??? Also microchipping secret agents?? The hell are you on about, Raf??

Nobody: Starscream, for no reason: *poses like a hoe while he greets their captive* seriously why does he do that, i’m actually laughing really hard at this, what is wrong with him

Man I’m so glad Optimus didn’t tell Arcee or the others where him and Ratchet were going or what they were planning to do, because now that her and Not-Bumblebee fucked off to drive in circles around the Nevada, the one human agent who knows their location has been captured because Bulkhead has a Skyrim Speech skill level in the negatives and made him leave, and now the literal children you swore to protect are now defenseless! Bang up job, oh fearless leader.

I wish I had the brass balls to smart off to an alien robot five times my size not once, not twice, but three times.

I like how Megatron remarks that Ratchet is old when literally he looks and sounds more ancient than Ratchet does. Like sir, you too are an ancient motherfucker who needs to go into a goddamn robot retirement home. 

Megatron now being a robot necromancer aside, why did the past Autobots/Decepticons leave a bunch of their dead on Earth? Don’t they like salvage their dead for parts? Why are there bodies just recklessly shallacked across some bumblefuck part of Nevada? The hell.

Pretty good episode, 7/10, its closer to an 8 than a 6

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 19

it’s 2021 now!! time for more transformers 

we start off w/a flashback showing tyrest retrieving ultra magnus’s body from the ship - and we get a look at magnus’s spark, which is the green color of a 0.1%er [eyes emoji]

tyrest punching magnus..... grrrrr leave my dad alone bastard man

‘the divided self’ what a good title 

rodimus is like listen man this is a lot for my poor thot brain to take in

in flashback land, we see tyrest immediately launch into a crazy person spiel about how he can and will edit the law as he sees fit to conform to the situation, because that doesn't seem like a blatant abuse of power or a huge conflict of interest or anything 

oooh the screen in the corner that says ‘thought warfare,’ I see that

oof, poor magnus. its gotta be rough to hear your boss rant about how bad at your job you are....especially bc this is right after overlord called magnus a joke and nearly killed him

its especially brutal bc as magnus says, his job is his life 

augh, I love the panel where the armor is falling off around minimus, and then the one where he’s holding the ultra magnus head...poetic 

its fascinating that there was an ‘original’ magnus who was an actual guy, and then tyrest chose to make him into this legacy symbol - I'm assuming the OG magnus had no say in this, and probably didn't even know that he was gonna become this lawman legacy figure

I do wanna know though - obviously everyone thought that ultra magnus was one dude, but how did the different guys wearing the armor deal w/that? like, did minimus have people coming up to him like ‘hey ultra magnus old buddy! remember when we fought those guys in that one place? good times!’ like, do they have to study up on the lives of the past armor wearers to prepare for the role of ultra magnus?

augh poor minimus, of course he’s been wondering about what happened with overlord after he was KO’d

oof, drift...I feel like minimus looks surprised and a little skeptical at the idea that drift was the one behind the entire overlord thing - which is interesting bc as we saw at the beginning of the story, he doesn't exactly trust drift, but it’s still pretty far-fetched that one person orchestrated the entire thing

tailgate :(

the concept of a load-bearer is SUPER cool, I love it so much

it also puts a much-needed limit on things - as in, there IS a limit to how much weight/mass a normal cybertronian frame can carry, which is why you don't see everybody upgrading to be Massive - bc they actually CANT

oof, the worst part is that tyrest is RIGHT, minimus essentially DID have a nervous breakdown after the war ended bc of the rigid way he views the world

mental health support is clearly in shambles for cybertronians, yikes. they literally have 1 therapist for their entire race, and he’s not even licensed anymore due to hipaa violations. what a mess

the ‘attention deflectors’ thing is so cool and clever and also a great explanation as to why ratchet or anyone else never said ‘hey wait a minute, you're actually a much smaller dude in a trench coat’ 

I love tailgate knowing all the stuff about the autobot code bc of magnus...my BOY

and THATS why minimus was asking about skids specifically earlier!

oh minimus, please don't put so much stock in tyrest being stable and resonable...

aaaand there's skids and swerve! brainstorm says it best - ‘because something unexpected hasn't happened for at least nine seconds.’ lmao ily brainstorm 

finally checking in w/whirl and cyclonus - god I love that. whirl asking cyclonus how many cons he killed and cyc is like psh I wasn't keeping count....................ok it was six

hhhhh cyclonus IS looking for a cure for tailgate, even though he told tg that there wasn’t anything to hope for....excuse me as I go be emo 

and now we flash over to the unethical medical conduct hell zone, where pharma is being weird and horny and ratchet is appropriately horrified 

I seriously love how unhinged pharma looks, the art & colors do such a good job conveying his feral energy 

ratchet has some massive dick energy for taunting pharma when he’s currently just a head and pharma has dual chainsaws for hands 

ugh, I love whirls speech about anger...and I feel like he really does see cyclonus as a peer, despite cyclonus wanting to kill him, which is why he tells cyclonus all of this 

I fuckgin love that cyclonus’s reaction to very suddenly getting stabbed thru the abdomen is to just glance down at the sword, looking mildly inconvenienced 

back over to ratchet - and at first its like oh wow I can’t believe pharma was stupid enough to let ratchet goad him into this contest....but then you see first aid and ambulon and its like UH OH this is gonna be BAD

the idea that getting sliced in half is no big deal for a cybertronian is wild

‘you're gonna let doctor djd cut us in half?’ yeahhhh that's an appropriate reaction, yikes

FUCKING LENGTHWAYS GOD

pharma you piece of shit

poor ambulon :( :( :( that's fucking brutal. amazing panel but....jesus

and like, to further my point from last issue’s liveblog - the fact that this very gore-y panel is okay, but swearing isn't...that's really funny honestly. I guess robo-gore is acceptable, while I'm guessing regular ole run of the mill human gore wouldn't be

then back to cyclonus, who is still looking only vaguely put out by the sword stuck right thru him

and then cyclonus just pulls it right out, which is a very bad idea for humans but probably not as big of a deal for big near-immortal alien robots

circle of light stuck in capitalistic urban hellscape cubicals 

poor skids, being asked to stand trial while having no idea what his crime is due to Big Amnesia 

OH SHITTTT I totally forgot that getaway shows up here

that is super clever though, with chromedome confusing the name ‘getaway’ with the concept ‘needing to escape’

cant believe tyrest is really dumb enough to tell minimus all his evil plans

BUT that means its time for some very important forged vs constructed cold lore

jro spelling ‘program’ as ‘programme’ made me remember when he said that he considers everyone on the lost light to be british, which is perhaps the least valid thing he’s ever said vhbghjsdbfjkhasbjk

the idea that they used the matrix - which is portrayed as kind of a holy object - in reproductive experiments is really interesting

AUGHHHHH this is all so good and interesting...im really fascinated w/this particular brand of like, alien robot racism/constructism/whatever you wanna call it - I feel like it does such a good job as a plot device, where many other ‘fantasy racism’ concepts from other franchises fail, bc there's not really a ‘human metaphor’ being used here (as far as I know/can tell) - as in, this isn't a thinly veiled metaphor for something that happened/could happen in human history

in fact, this type of bigotry (or w/e you wanna call it) isn't something that is even really possible in humans - I guess if there was a stigma against being born via ivf or something...? but there isn't, so there's no obvious real-world equivalent, which I take as a sign of good writing and worldbuilding - it makes the cybertronians feel more Real, bc of course they would have their own types of bigotry based off of completely different things than humans 

additionally - and this is crucial - tyrest is wrong: there’s no like, inherent moral corruption in cold constructed bots. there's no difference at all, other than method of construction. fantasy racism plotlines often flounder here, with the oppressors having a ‘valid reason’ for oppressing the oppressed, but tyrest is just operated on religious zealot bs and some biased science

like, dude, did you ever think that maybe there are other reasons why your trials only condemned cold constructed bots? like, maybe the trial itself was biased? or societal conditions were to blame? correlation is not causation, my dude, especially when the conclusion is ‘cold constructed bots are inherently SINNERS’ lmao 

like, tyrest rlly said ‘FUCK separation of church and state,’ huh

anyways I just think the whole cold construction vs forged thing is really interesting and well-done, and serves as a good precursor to the more fleshed-out functionism stuff we see later 

so tyrest is clearly off his rockers w/the whole drilling thing - dude, you accidentally gave yourself a lobotomy, okay - but I find it kinda funny that he’s right about a lot of that stuff he said at the end, about primus and the guiding hand and stuff being real 

cyclonus saying ‘tailgate and the others’...I see you, man, I see you

also cyclonus looks fine now??? didn't he just get stabbed??? 

ah, tyrest sprinkling a little light genocide onto his plan to find salvation. nice, dude!

MINIMUS NOOOOOOOOO

‘fully deserved’ SHUT UP BIIIIITCH

poor minimus is taking a lot of Ls this arc, geez

oof, great issue! again, as usual....I loved the lore we got this issue, its so interesting...and some good character stuff too. I love minimus, I feel like he’s gonna be my fav this readthru; my first read my fav was brainstorm, second readthru was whirl, and I feel like its minimus/magnus this time. I just love his character arc...

hype af for more B) 

[thanksjro]

Polyhex Wars, Book 2 Part 1: Optimus? Oh, You Mean Super Space Christ!

We thankfully get a resolution to that cliffhanger ending from Book 1 right off the bat. Turns out this place is just swarming with Decepticons, who are tending to those nuclear-powered, planet-moving rocket thrusters we heard about back before Red Alert and his team got sent out to almost die.

There’s less than thirty Autobots in Hound’s party, so obviously waging an attack wouldn’t go so hot. They’ll have to get in touch with Optimus. Of course, some of our Autobot friends aren’t feeling terribly reasonable at present.

This is the kind of behavior that makes Optimus wish everyone would just get killed in the space-holocaust. Also, Getaway’s whole role for this story has been “quietly polite and somewhat dull voice of reason.” Such a removal from the character he would end up being.

And before anyone caught in the problematic fave thirst-trap asks, no, he’s not hot in the Marvel comics. He has a face, and as everyone knows, giving characters not intended to have faces faces makes everything worse.

First Aid still can’t seem to pick a spot to exist in, and he’s currently helping the other ‘bots who reentered the stratosphere back to their feet.

The boys have landed in the Rust Pools of Polyhex, and are starting to feel the day, as it were. Still, there’s no time to rest, because they’ve got to find Hound and his crew, and contact Optimus about these rocket thrusters.

The thrusters that he already knows about.

But first let’s check on that flaming wreck off in the distance, the one that Starscream ought to be laying in the middle of.

They take one glance at it, write him off as dead, and then immediately are punished for their sloppy detective work. Leave it to Nightbeat, fellas.

The scene description here is good, even if the dialogue is a bizarre mix between baby’s first screamo band and a synergy seminar.

Back with Optimus, the ship he created with his mind and some fairy dust just entered warp space. He briefs his troops, explaining the situation in Polyhex and how shit will most likely go down once they hit Cybertron.

You can admit to using TFWiki, Optimus. No judgement here, we all do it.

After the briefing, Ratchet and Optimus have a private chat.

No fucking shit, duderoni.

Neither of them seem to be able to figure out just why this is all happening to Optimus, only that it is. Optimus seems to think that there’s something deeper, darker to this, and I can’t help but agree, considering all this started happening right aft he got back from an extended stay in a place with shag carpeting made out of the dead.

Back over with Hound, the Decepticons have decided it’s time to shoot the ceiling, because they know the Autobots are here. A frag grenade pops in to play, and Punch takes one for the team, throwing himself over the bomb and saving his friends. Hound doesn’t take this well, but his righteous indignation is upstaged by Ammo, who uses his obscenely large selection of weaponry to blast a hole in the ceiling for them to escape through.

They pour through the hole, likely singing Ammo’s praises as they do, until the last guy notices that Punch isn’t actually dead.

Well hot dang, wonder who that could be?

Meanwhile, Red Alert and company are running themselves ragged trying to get the hickiddy heck away from Starscream, who is just so unbelievably hot and bothered for murder it’s honestly a little concerning.

Red Alert tries shooting him a few times, but that doesn’t really phase the guy who’s already on fire. Slapdash rushes him, probably because he’s a violent panicker, and is immediately thrown like an empty soda can off into the distance. Starscream’s body has taken the opportunity to start exploding, and Hot Spot starts shooting to take pieces off with a gun. People are still trying to reason with Starscream, as if that were ever an option in this scenario, but he’s so incredibly down for killing everything in sight he’s straight-up lost the ability to hear and rationalize. He rips the gun out of Hot Spot’s hand and pistol-whips him in the face so hard his jaw comes off and his eyes burst into flames. Don’t ask me how exactly that happened, because I couldn’t tell you, but it’s pretty sick.

Red Alert decides that it’s time to retreat back to the Rust Pools, then clocks Starscream in the face before booking it.

Hound and friends are currently climbing an elevator shaft, because we haven’t hit our vent quota for this story yet. They’re doing this in the dark, wary of detection from the enemy. Getaway seems to be beginning to wear thin on this whole “Hound’s in charge” thing, not really appearing to believe that they’ll be reaching the end of this situation without any more issues.

Then the elevator starts up.

Man, don’t you just hate it when the asshole has a point?

Red Alert orders his team to jump into the pools, grasping at straws at this point, as Starscream continues to tear ass to get to them. There’s a rumor that some forgotten base is at the bottom of one of these pools, and that’s about as far as planning’s gone. Luckily any and all rumors in fiction turn out to be true in at least some capacity, and they all fall through the ceiling after a few well-placed blaster shots.

They hole up in an air lock, and after a bit of pontificating, Red Alert makes them aware of just where they’ve ended up- Emirate Xaaron’s old hangout.

Hot Spot is dying, by the way. Just throwing that out there. He’s dying while Red Alert does this.

Once they get through the air lock, they can get to a teleport that will take them to the Primus chamber, where they can get the medical attention they so desperately need. They better get moving though, because Starscream’s started banging on the door, and absolutely nothing has stopped him so far, so what’s a little steel going to do?

Hound’s reached the top of the elevator shaft, but he’s towards the front of the line, so that still doesn’t bode terribly well for the guys behind him, especially since the elevator’s catching up. In a fit of desperation, he blasts a door open and more or less starts throwing his buddies through it to safety. The last one in the line is Multibot.

Yeah, Multibot doesn’t make it. He gets crushed between the elevator and the ceiling of the shaft, exploding on impact. So much for that corpse he had tucked away for safekeeping. The elevator doors open, and we get a look at someone we haven’t seen Roberts take on just yet.

That is a positively MASSIVE elevator.

Starscream seems to have forgotten his original plan here- y’know, the only constant in his life i.e. killing Megatron- and is doing his absolute best to tear through the airlock door and get at these Autobots. Red Alert’s two seconds from having a conniption as Transit tries to work the teleport and get them out of there. Problem- the darn’s thing’s busted. Not enough to be totally useless, but they can’t program in where they want to go. They’re at the mercy of whatever the last coordinates were.

They end up in the catacombs. Fun fact about the catacombs- they’re really, really, REALLY big. They could walk around basically forever and never get anywhere useful. At this point, y’all should just go back to bed and call this day a bust.

Luckily, they actually aren’t terribly far from their creator god’s chamber, and they all enter to find the eternally sleeping face of Primus. Then he starts moving.

And lo, whoev'r is deem'd w'rthy shalt ascend to the vore throne to ruleth all of Cyb'rtron, f'rev'r and ev'r.  Amen.

Looks like someone’s already been crowned king of vore, though, because, as it turns out, Megatron’s already sitting on that throne.

Which… makes sense, if you know enough about the Marvel comics.

Back over with Hound, it looks like it’s his turn to friggin’ snap, as our sweet, compassionate boy boils over into full hateful bastard-mode. He still doesn’t kill anyone though; it’s made very clear that he’s still maintaining that one personal rule. What do you want to bet that Courier’s going to make him toss that little caveat right out the window once he’s found out?

Shockwave’s surprised to see the Autobots doing so well despite being outnumbered and outgunned. Knowing when to call it quits, he orders a retreat to regroup under the mindful wing of Mama Megatron. He’s about the only one who gets away, the others tied up and at the PG-rated mercy of the Autobots.

There’s one guy who’s had his legs torn off and been bashed in the head bad enough to cause a stutter, who begs for his life. Hound, ever compassionate, orders he be treated for his wounds and then tied to the others. Fistfight has other ideas.

Oof, looks like we just got upgraded to a PG-13!

I mean, he’s a Decepticon Action Master partner accessory parading around as an Autobot here for some reason. This is sort of something you should have seen coming.

Hound pushes Fightfight down on the ground and gives him a stern warning to not try anything like that again, otherwise he’s going to tell Optimus, and then you’re gonna be in so much trouble! I worry that Hound perhaps doesn’t quite understand that administering punishment is part of the whole leader thing, and that in for for it to be effective, you need to actually use it as opposed to just threatening someone with it.

The Autobots get moving again, with Hound making a comment to Blaster to keep an eye on Fistfight.

It’s been a minute since we’ve checked in on Optimus, so let’s see what he’s up to. His magic mind ship has just reentered regular space, and they’re going to reach Cybertron in just a little while. Once they land, they’ll go find the rest of the Autobots in Polyhex and then take this whole Decepticon operation down.

Hot Rod makes a cameo, but there’s no time to indulge in whatever he’s trying to tell Optimus, because the ship is suddenly shot in the butt and starts crashing towards the surface of the planet. Optimus takes the opportunity to pull a Skywarp with his new powers, disappearing in a beam of light like it’s the friggin’ space-Rapture. He winds up outside the ship, floating above the planet, and mind-slaps the turrets that had been causing the ship so much trouble.

Red Alert’s day just keeps getting worse; Hot Spot’s still dying, Slapdash might actually be going insane, Megatron’s here, and they’re all being strapped into electric chairs. Where did the electric chairs come from? Why are they in the Primal chamber? What purpose do they serve here? Not a clue, but maybe we’ll get to it next time.

Meanwhile, Hound’s not feeling too fantastic himself. One of his guy’s just murdered someone in cold blood, they’ve lost a third of their party, and there’s a traitor in their midst.

At least Optimus is having a good day, I guess.

[flamingfandomtrashcentral]

I love love love your blog!! Bot s/o waking up and wanting morning cuddles for Ratchet, Optimus, Bulkhead, Smokescreen and Arcee please? I'm in the mood for a bunch of fluffy goodness!

I assume this is all tfp?

Ratchet

- Probably pulled an allnighter and is grumpily working away on whichever project he’s moved on to. When you wander over to him he acknowledges you with a grunt and doesn’t even glance at you. When you pipe up and ask for some morning cuddles from him he gets startled and turns you down, but if you ask again real sweetly he’ll let you slip under his arm and lean against him. He complains about how you’re interfering with his work but both of you know he doesn’t mean it.

Optimus Prime

- He’s already awake, anyone getting up before he does is a rarity. It’s early and he’s reveling in these few quiet moments before the other bots wake up and the Decepticons start raising hell. He feels you roll over and hook yourself around his arm. You ask for cuddles and he chuckles as he wraps his other arm around you, bringing you closer. It’s a while before either of you move, but the sounds of the other Autobots moving about and a loud crashing sound followed by Ratchet yelling that he needed that gets you two moving. 

Bulkhead

- He’s a big spoon through and through so y’all are already cuddling. You probably woke up because he was putting too much of his weight onto you and you can already feel a dent forming. After some thrashing and whisper-yelling he starts to wake up, which only makes him pull you closer so this isn’t really an improvement. You think he’s mumbling something about a good morning or that he loves you but you can’t be sure since the your energon is starting to flow to your head. It’s a good thing you love him

Smokescreen

- Also a spoon but he’s an active sleeper so he’s most likely spread eagle on the berth and you may or may not have been thrown off in the process. If you don’t wake up mad at him and want cuddles he’ll be more than happy to oblige. He’s quick to wake up and has a lazy grin plastered on his face. He’ll bury his face in your neck and hum happily. He’ll start talking about what you’re gonna be today later that day and keep rambling on about it well after you two get up.

Arcee

- As I’ve stated in a previous request, Arcee is not a morning person. She’ll be glaring daggers into you the second you nudge her. When you ask about cuddling she roles her optics and asks if you’re kidding and insane for wanting that at this ungodly hour. If you give her a pleading look she’ll heave a sigh and indulge you just this once (spoiler alert: it’s not just this once). She says you owe her one and she does mean that.