#also I'm sure someone else also had similar thoughts on this as I did...I cannot possibly be the only one lmao

[buccellato]

I'm not 100% sure if these thoughts count as like, super spoilers, so I'm gonna put them under a cut just in case but I'm declaring it Razloposting hours

I think one of the hardest (and frankly also best) parts of Wolfwood's death is that the person who fought him the hardest and gave him the most grief isn't even particularly horrible. Yeah Razlo is rude, rowdy, and really revels in violence compared to Livio's rough-and-tumble yet anxiously polite host personality, but he isn't fighting to specifically spite Wolfwood or Vash or the orphanage, he's doing it out of a misguided sense of belonging given to him by a man (and doomsday cult) who essentially groomed him into being an ideal soldier. And it's hammered home when he shows back up later on just to help Livio defeat Elendira—he developed as an alter to protect Livio from the things that hurt or scared him, and ultimately wants what's safest for his host (and of course Livio is actually the very bestest little big boyscout, so the readers want to see him survive too).

Personally I think it's kinda nice tbh, because it would've been very easy as a writer to go "actually the second personality was evil but he's been defeated and demoralized so he's gone forever haha"—it might've even been very tempting to do after successfully endearing the audience with a character that killed a beloved fan-favorite character, too, just to clean your hands of something that may cause discontent—but Razlo got to stay a part of Livio and help him fight when he needed it most and I dunno if I'd call it absolution but it sure felt closure-y (to me at least).

Anyways not much else I wanted to say. Love me some Razlo and Livio. That's all 💖

[nrieh]

Deciphering Gale's Book (page 2)

I did not have much hopes for the second page of his book. Most of the main text is truly beyond recognition, even after brightness\contrast tweaks. It's like someone had forgotten to hide their extra layer before rendering, actually😅... but those big scribbles in "Ancient Thorass"?? I think I could actually read them. And..gods, it brings up some...interesting things. See for yourselves.

You can notice that T is nothing like what it looks like in the base font, but I just can't see what else can it possibly be. Real T symbol looks ugly in this font, so designer might have switched it just for the looks.. So, what do we have here? Some Latin magic, apparently.

Sapien - wisdom. proin - an dverb, something like "according to" or "hence" depending on the context. In pulvinar vox - the same thing is mirrored on the first page. It would roughly translate as "a word on the pillow/cushion". The 'word' can also possibly mean 'spell', as in 'word of power'. Now, to the bottom part. InTeger viTae placeraT... it shattered my heart into tiny pieces, and now it's your turn. In this form it means "He invests his entire life". And it might be totally random and unrelated... but I feel like it isn't... INTEGER VITAE is also happened to be a poem by Thomas Campion, which I stumbled across in attempts to revive my long-forgotten basics of Latin. I'll just...leave it here, I guess?..

The man of life upright,     Whose guiltless heart is free From all dishonest deeds,     Or thought of vanity;

The man whose silent days     In harmless joys are spent, Whom hopes cannot delude,     Nor sorrow discontent;

That man needs neither towers     Nor armour for defence, Nor secret vaults to fly     From thunder's violence:

He only can behold     With unaffrighted eyes The horrors of the deep     And terrors of the skies.

Thus, scorning all the cares     That fate or fortune brings, He makes the heaven his book,     His wisdom heavenly things;

Good thoughts his only friends,     His wealth a well-spent age, The earth his sober inn     And quiet pilgrimage.

There, you have it. I'm not sure I can untangle the background fonts, but if someone can AI-clear it up somehow, then I can give it another try (or share the fonts for the reference, I'm pretty sure that my version is very similar to the one used here).

ps: Would someone pass that to Tim, may be? Somehow, I think he's going to appreciate it. I'm not doing any of those social medias, because I'm that...asocial. 🤐

Link to page 1 for anyone, who had missed it.

[halfwayunder]

Caitvi will reunite in Act 3 as part of the Piltover-Ambessa war.

Don't read if you don't like trailer scene-by-scene dissections and want to keep yourself in the dark! I just wanted to share my thoughts. Based on clips from the trailer, where we see both Vi and Caitlyn wearing that same black and gold enforcer-looking armor, the reunion is inevitable. Also based on how Act 1 ended and has set up what's to come, as well as clips from the trailer again, through one way or another Ambessa will lose influence over Caitlyn and upon realizing she cannot control Piltover through a puppet, will be desperate enough to try and conquer it directly. She has no other option. In Act 1, Maddie said to to Vi what Cait said about her "if every enforcer had a heart like yours we would be able to take on Noxus itself" this was somewhat of a throwaway line but I think is foreshadowing the war. We see in the trailer at 1:24 Ekko and the Fireflies in Piltover swooping down from the sky toward Noxan soldiers, I believe that the battle with Noxus will have a temporary or partial alliance between Piltover and some of Zaun and help heal relations with a common enemy that manipulated them both. I say some because Jinx will probably remain a hostile third party to everyone and show up near the end as an even more final enemy after the Noxans are bested perhaps. We also see what looks to be scenes of enforcers battling Noxan soldiers and that explosion at the tower where Vi is carrying someone to safety.

Ambessa fighting enforcers (the guy on the right hand side) with Noxan warriors to the left.

Vi carrying someone in similar armor to her own to safety. I first thought it was Caitlyn but now I think it might be someone else because it looks like they're wearing a helmet if you look to the far right of the image. You can't see any neck skin, hair or a head.

Blue fish guy from the strike force squad with some enforcers. You can see the red banners of Ambessa's ships in the distance (we know this from another clip where Vi and Ekko are on his board together, you can see a ship in the water below them.) This is just before an explosion forces them to take cover.

And of course, our girls are wearing matching armor! And Vi has a new pair of gauntlets! So with fears of them not getting back together soothed, my only concern now is what happens after they do. I don't think the writers won't indulge in a 'kill your gays' trope and have one of them die after they reunite and reconcile, they've shown themselves to be really good so far. They did say the ending would be a "gut punch" but that could reference any number of things. I'm more worried they might have both gone through too much to get back together after all this is over and their ending will be more bittersweet where neither dies and they don't hate each other, but their life paths just take them different ways now. When I say I'm worried about it that doesn't mean I'm sure or think there's a high probability it'll happen. I just think it's a possible outcome. At the end of the day I just REALLY REALLY want them to get married and live a happy life together tbh. They deserve it.

[soracities]

Ur so eloquent and i love ur posts about the societal pressures associated w makeup!!!! 💗💗💗 u put everything I feel & think about into coherent words and I so appreciate that! Also I would like to hear ur thoughts on plastic surgery bcuz I am also annoyed. If I see that smug smiley little dickhead plastic surgeon tiktoker on my FYP one more time saying “ohhh my patients r beautiful. Anyway here are all the procedures I’m gonna do to alter their ethnic nor unique features and make them look totally different” I’m gonna scream. The patronising pseudo-kindness is almost worse than when he goes completely mask-off about exploiting insecurity - like the vid he made laughing w the caption “when a 20yr old says she’s doesn’t need Botox bcuz she’s gonna age gracefully.” I’ve spent a lot of time cultivating a healthy self-esteem & generally not defining myself by my appearance - yet even I felt a flicker of my old insecurity seeing that post. I block every post referencing plastic surgery and I STILL get them. It’s incessant & so insidious - esp for poc. My 13yr old cousin (who watches lots of tiktok) told me she’s saving up for a nose job and a BBL when she turns 18 and my heart fkn broke. No 13yr old shld even KNOW the term BBL.

I feel so much for your younger sister, anon, because whatever else I may have gone through with my own insecurities at 13 (and they were profound and absolutely did a number on me), I genuinely cannot begin to imagine what it's like to cope with all of that in the age of TikTok and IG and the added pressure of beauty influencers magnifying everything.

Honestly, my thoughts on cosmetic surgery are very complicated--I don't think it's something that's ever going to go away, and to be honest I'm not even sure if it's about that. I know people who've had cosmetic procedures done and I know it was something deeply important for them and I know how much happier and at ease they felt afterwards--I'm not going to judge or begrudge anyone that happiness because the reality is, as much as it would be amazing if we all loved and celebrated ourselves and each other, everyone's individual constellation of insecurities and worries is completely different and not everyone will be able to address them in the same way.

To live in a world where we are not defined and punished for our physical differences would be an incredible thing, but we don't live in that kind of world--and so learning to be at peace with yourself in the midst of the world we do have, learning to accept your body or any individual aspects of your appearance is incredibly difficult--and these difficulties are influenced even more by gender, or race, or the culture in which you live etc., or even just the people around you. Do I wish my friends could see what I see? Of course. But I also don't know what they see, or how deeply that runs, or the impact that has on them. Because I also know that, when it comes to myself, I don't see what they see, either. I've said before that I find prominent noses absolutely beautiful--but I know that I cannot impose this on someone who has had to live their life under constant comments about their nose (or any other feature), to the point where they feel that is all they are to people. I don't condemn people for the choices they make in this, but I do condemn the structures and societal expectations that force some people into certain choices in the first place by normalising this idea that there is a "correct" way to look (and I'm not immune to it either--I have a lot of profound insecurities that are incredibly difficult to get past).

It's very similar to how I view makeup in some respects because whatever choices people make when it comes to cosmetic procedures should feel like choices to them. But not all cosmetic procedures are made equally and my real issue with cosmetic surgery (and in my mind I distinguish it from plastic surgery because they are not the same to me), more than anything else, is when it becomes a tool for upholding and celebrating particular beauty standards that are deeply gendered, politicized and racialised while claiming it is "just" a matter of aesthetics, which is deeply, deeply insidious to me. "Aesthetics" have never been neutral. Even the language we use in talking about it isn't neautral: "fix", "adjust", "improve" etc. Improve according to whom? Why do they decide this? At the end of the day, no matter what you say about the golden ratio there is nothing wholly objective about beauty because human beings are not static Ideals; you cannot distill beauty into a mathematic formula like a conch shell because beauty is not something separate from the thing it occupies. These ideals work for Plato, but we are living, breathing, moving, exsiting in the here and now. A static image of a beautiful woman in a Vogue covershoot is just that: an image. And all the rules that govern that image fall apart the moment the model moves again, the moment she becomes a person again.

And besides, nothing can be "just" aesthetics in a world with the warped beauty standards that we have. There's nothing neutral about nose jobs in a society marred with as much anti-black racism and antisemitism as ours. There's nothing neutral about BBLs in a society that fetishizes black women's (and other woc) bodies as ours. There's nothing neutral about buccal fat removal in a society so plagued by thinness as not just a physical but also a moral ideal. I read a horrifying article on GQ a few months back about men undergoing cosmetic surgery to widen their jawlines so they appear more "manly"--and a surgeon in the article casually said one of these patients also "needed a rhinoplasty" which made me see red: nobody needs their face smashed open for the sake of an arbitrary standard whose very purpose (Beauty) requires the existence, and therefore manipulation and condemnation, of its opposite in order to appear valid. These beauty standards only have value so long as their opposites have no value--but these "opposites" are not disembodied traits: they are real human features that belong to real breathing human beings who have to live surrounded with this rhetoric for their entire lives. There's nothing neutral to me about looking at a human face and dissecting all of its features, ascribing values to some, and disparaging others, as though they exist as separate building blocks you can rearrange at will. In some instances, it skirts too close phrenology for me, and I'm not saying that lightly.

These are some of my thoughts but as I said, my views on this are very complicated and I have to be careful how I talk about some of it because there are some things that genuinely make me deeply angry. Again, I don't believe the solution is to get rid of cosmetic surgery, because I don't think that will ever really work and I think it misses the point--most people will always have something about themselves they'll want to change or just wish was different and for some people more than others they will want to make that change: and I would much rather people have access to legal, qualified, accountable medical professionals when they do. But in cases like your sister, in cases like that GQ article, in cases like that TikTok surgeon (I have no words, anon, truly...), or really just TikTok in general, in cases like ethnic rhinoplasty and eyelid surgery, the fact that the number of people getting Botox has grown since the increase in video calls and Zoom meetings....in all honesty at this point I am just tired and infuriated by our refusal to have an actual conversation about the society these procedures exist in and are normalised within and I'm especially tired when influencers and celebrities make a point of not being upfront about their own procedures. I don't care what people get done or why (as long as its a freely made choice for no one else's sake but yours), but I do care when we make it as acessible as these procedures are now, when they are tacitly (and in some cases outright) encouraged, and yet talking about them or admitting to having had that work done is somehow gauche and I am incredibly tired of it!

[trangkhanhi]

Motherly love - Uzumaki Kushina

Don't know if anyone who has read this article has become a mother? I'm not a mother, I haven't had children yet so I don't know what motherhood is like for children. Every time I read or watched Naruto's birth, I cried because I felt sad for this family for not being able to live happily together. That fateful day Kushina went from a woman to a mother, a beautiful and sacred vocation

However, Kushina must not have expected that on the day she expected her son to be born, it was also the day that she and her husband died.

And what made me feel even more sad was to read the manga again when I saw Kushina's messages to Naruto before she left this world

As I read and watched this passage tears kept coming to my eyes, an indescribable sadness, how sad. I'm not a mother, I can't know the pain Kushina endured when she had to leave her baby and turn Naruto into a jinchuriki but I knew it definitely hurt.

But all I understood was sadness until I saw 2 videos on social media at which point I understood Kushina's feelings even though I am not a mother.

There was a girl who was pregnant but then she found out she had cancer, her family and husband were both very panicked but the girl was especially calm and only asked the doctor one question "I have cancer so is my baby affected?" and the doctor answered no. The girl replied calmly, it was okay.

Because of the cancer, she started treatment so she could prolong her life so she could deliver the baby. During her pregnancy, her treatment was painful, but she managed to overcome it for her little one, and she also prepared birthday presents for him year by year and filmed videos saying messages to her son, when her child grew up, Child could rewatch the footage.

As she neared her due date, the pain from the treatment made her unbearable, causing her to burst into sobs and tell her husband, "I don't want to die, I want to see my baby grow up healthy, I'm not comfortable leaving my baby in someone else's care," which is not what Kushina did before she died. with Naruto? That's why when Minato neutralized Edo Tensei, Naruto responded to Kushina's earlier instructions and told him not to worry about him

And the last line "Try to find someone like your mother" when I read this far, I just thought it was simply to find a strong girl like Kushina, but actually behind that sentence is very meaningful

In another story, there is an exchange program between musicians and students on the topic of songs composed by that musician. And there was a boy who asked the musician this one question Boy: I want to ask if the whole song is about a mother's love for her son, but one sentence that I really wonder about is, "There will be someone who loves you more than I love you", I want to understand what you meant when you wrote that sentence?

Musician: Haha, You think I wrote it wrong, right? Boy: I don't know who will love me more than my mother? Musician: Let me tell you, your mother is always the person who loves you the most, your mother will still love you the most in the future, your mother will always love you the most, that's what I'm sure of. But for your mother, in your mother's thoughts and in my thoughts for my son, your mother always hopes that someone will love her child more than she does. That sentence is only true in your mother's mind because your mother loves you too much and your mother knows one thing: your mother will not be able to go with you when you grow up. I also cannot go with my child when he grows up because I will get old and when I am no longer in this world, who will take care of my child?

With the two stories I told above, both of them are parents and those are the similar feelings of parents in those situations.

I finally understood that Kushina's statement was find someone like your mother, which means find someone who loves you like I love you, even loves you more than me. Kushina has become an instinctive mother who loves and protects Naruto unconditionally. Kushina knew she couldn't see Naruto grow up and become an adult, and at the same time placed the burden of becoming a jinchuriki on Naruto. Kushina understood the pain that Naruto was about to go through because she was also a Jinchuriki, she knew how lonely and sad that pain was until she met Minato and Kushina was very happy and grateful for that. So she also hopes that Naruto will also meet someone who loves him, someone who cares for him, someone who is willing to protect Naruto the way she is willing to protect her son from the Nine-Tails.

However, the person Naruto likes is not a girl but a boy. I read a sentence on a tumblr blog that I don't remember from someone who said "Except for Naruto's parents, no one in this world loves Naruto more than Sasuke." The biggest thing Kushina and Sasuke have in common is that they love Naruto unconditionally. Sasuke took care of Naruto, feeding him bentos at the cost of his ninja career. Worried about Naruto when he trained alone all night and didn't come home, and most importantly, he was willing to sacrifice his life for Naruto's smile without any regrets.Naruto and Sasuke are so happy because they found each other and shared their pain together

Sasuke is not a girl, but if she knew there was someone who loved Naruto unconditionally like that, Kushina would definitely be happy and reassured.

I read somewhere that Kishimoto had no intention of letting Naruto meet his parents again until he had a child. He knew he owed Naruto an apology and he decided to create two very emotional moments. allowing Naruto the opportunity to see his two most important relatives again.

A mother’s love will never end. It is there from beginning to end.

Hope everyone will also find the other half of your life, "soulmate" or "true love", someone who loves you unconditionally like Sasuke loves Naruto and Naruto loves Sasuke and even if you can't find that person, please always love yourself.

[kes-geiszler]

MY DINOSAUR LIFE ~ MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK

Earlier this week, I bought myself two CDs - I Am The Movie, and My Dinosaur Life. Both are by Motion City Soundtrack, a band I don't think I can really actually express my love for adequately. When I say that I was so excited to get my hands on these albums I had to use my inhaler, I'm not actually exaggerating. Anyway, My Dinosaur Life has really quickly become my favourite CD I own, and I really gotta gush about it before I ultimately implode under the pressure of keeping it all in, and what better place than here I thought! I won't talk about the songs, this is specifically about the CD and art etc.

First of all, here is the back and front of the CD case! The part that reads MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK is actually a sticker on the case as opposed to being printed directly onto the album booklet. The case for I Am The Movie has a similar deal going on, but I'll talk about that another time. I'm just a fan of the little dino guy (designed by Joe Ledbetter, no less [additionally, someone that understands Wikipedia needs to add a citation to his page with regards to his work with MCS please!!])! As you can see by the back, this is the standard edition disc as far as I'm aware, it features none of the alternative versions found on the deluxe editions, and it's certainly not the Japanese release.

Anyway, next up: the disc itself! I'm a big fan of the disc, I think it's very sweet. I think I might have almost died when I opened it today to see this. I am a huge fan of shiny discs, but the best part came after I removed it....

As you can see, removing the disc shows the art behind the disc itself. The same dinosaur, but this time on display in a museum. I cannot understate how fantastic the graphic design of this case is, it is beautiful, and fantastic, and there is so much to see in it, wherever it is you look.

Whenever I have a CD, I usually expect that the lyrics will be in the accompanying album booklet, perhaps with some additional notes and thank yous. However for My Dinosaur Life, I was pleasantly surprised to find that instead of the lyrics was a booklet filled with art by Joe Ledbetter. Each of the artworks corresponds with each of the songs on the album, which is a fantastic touch and one that excited me even more than the bones behind the disc did. I've taken a picture of every single one of those illustrations, which are all gonna be shared here for everyone's viewing pleasure (because they're like. really really good okay).

Every single one of the art pieces is brilliant and filled with so many little references and correspond to the ideas of the songs, and I will be honest in saying I have been staring at them for a lot of time today. I wanted to make sure everyone else had the opportunity to see them as well!

Additional Information: Produced by: Mark Hoppus (of Blink 182) Mixed by: Andy Wallace (worked with Nirvana, Sepultura, System of a Down, and plenty others)

There is also a link to a website on the back of the disc. It seems the domain is now owned by someone else, however it was archived on the wayback machine if anyone is interested! It has plenty of information on the making of My Dinosaur Life, pictures, schedules (and at the bottom, it says "powered by Tumblr", which I wasn't expecting). You can access this here!

I don't really have much else to say other than there is not enough Motion City Soundtrack on here anymore and I plan to change that single handily, fuelled primarily by a very intense interest in them!

[sword-and-lance]

so I wound up having a whole Thought Process in replying to a fic comment and just

okay fair warning this probably leans heavily on my own interpretations of Cazador and also Astarion and a bunch of the Cazador backstory in particular is pure headcanon

also fair warning there's discussion of abuse and sexual assault in here

BUT

man these two actually have quite a bit in common--the "my Master is an abusive asshole" thing being the big obvious one

also neither of 'em seem to have a great relationship with their families: Astarion never even mentions his in the slightest, ever, so I remain unconvinced that there was anything good there, and Cazador uh

well

Amanita's notes imply that there were only a grand total of like four remaining living Szarrs despite having multiple estates and a huge fuckoff castle smack in the middle of the city and yeah I absolutely headcanon that Cazador had most of them merc'd because none of them did a damn thing while Vellioth--who only married in and who Donnela picked for vampire-ing over her own grandkid because she held Cazador responsible for his dad (her son) going AWOL as a vampire hunter, it's a whole Thing I should really write it down at some point--basically ran the family reputation into the ground with his insistence on indulging his own brutal assholery over anything else (instead of balancing it with blackmail/politics so they don't get Found Out)

so yeah he is fairly obsessed with his family but in the sense that it's his and belongs to him and he gets to own it and shape it and bring it back to how it was when he was a kid and they owned damn near the entire Upper City in one capacity or another

so really no he isn't fond of his family but more the idea of it and being able to control it which is. uh. quite different!

and that kinda leads into my next point that they are both fucking Obsessed with power, "over people" specifically to quote Astarion in-game

I mean after all on Cazador's side of things: that was how Vellioth got to be where he was, that was what Vellioth wielded over him and all the other spawn whenever he decided to torture/sexually assault/etc them as he pleased, and that was how Cazador himself finally got Vellioth killed, too, and turned himself into a full vampire finally--it wasn't dry politics it wasn't law it was just interpersonal trickery wielding Vellioth's personal desires against him, and Cazador not only wanted his own abuser dead but wanted to make damn sure that it never happened again, that no one would ever be able to hurt him like he did

even when it meant hurting other people--LOTS OF THEM in all sorts of horrifying new ways!--to do it

and that's why he really just is not fuckin redeemable by the time we see him: he's molded his entire fucking existence around that notion, he cannot will not trust anyone but himself, he tried over and over with that as a spawn and always got punished for it--his family was not kind, his lone friend died for his kindness, and considering that his general social circle was a bunch of rich people, I'm willing to fuckin wager he probably didn't get any notion of it outside, either, and in fact it probably made it even easier to just think of people in general like things--cattle, even

so all that's left for him is (what has to look to him) like stone-cold objective knowledge that everything sucks, the world is vicious and cruel and the only good things you can have you have to TAKE by force or trickery from someone else and they don't matter, they'll only take from you the second they get a chance

and yeah Astarion clearly had a bit of a similar problem over the past 200-something years, considering--he was also tortured quite extensively for years, despite Cazador genuinely thinking he's being nice about it in an I HAD IT WORSE SUCK IT UP sort of way; he got faced with an utterly impossible task to constantly hunt down prey for his Master while fuckin starving the whole time, and eventually in sheer desperation resorted to literal prostitution only to be met with a very blase okay that works I guess keep it up from Cazador since it wasn't like Cazador really thought Astarion had much in the way of other talents to lure people in and all he cared about was having people lured in

shit, Astarion's entire approval set damn near until the last act of the damn game are just reflecting that mindset--the world is vicious and cruel and the only good things you can have you have to TAKE by force or trickery from someone else

...thing is, Cazador was basically surrounded by enablers and even outside of that is also hellishly stubborn and molded his entire existence around the pursuit of power because he thought that was literally all there was to anything, even to the point of making deals with not just a devil but one of THE devils, one of the Big Boys and one who's pretty damn tricky at that

he was not and is not going to give up on any of his plans, even if someone SOMEHOW gave him a chance to, and if we ignore the whole VAMPIRES EVIL LOL thing for a sec--far as Cazador's concerned, the kind are weak and murdered and tortured by the strong, and that is just how it is. that was how it always was and always would be and he's been surrounded by it literally all his life, personal and political, with basically no evidence to the contrary that doesn't immediately get ruined, whether at his hand or someone else's

if this isn't what he should do in life, then what else is there? just being a horribly broken person for literally eternity or until someone up and stakes him? he can't afford to let this go because it would obliterate his whole fucking identity in the process

...Astarion though at least has the benefit of running around with people who do not in fact enable his FUCK EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME! bullshit, and in fact (can be, anyway) relentlessly kind to him and show him that yes, actually, there is a life beyond what happened to him

there's a whole lotta life beyond it, actually! even while he's trying to "just" be manipulative, because the kind are weak and he can't afford to be weak when his Master HAS to be hunting for him by now, he fuckin fails at that and actually gets attached to the people trying to get him to knock off his assholery--they treat him like an actual person and he actually gets pretty into that despite himself, even though it clearly scares the hell out of him to have to make his own identity over again beyond just...being the flirty vampire

but thing is

he's at least brave enough to try doing it (presuming the non-ascended route--the ascended route he just refuses and falls right into Cazador's own neuroses), and when he's given the chance he takes it despite being terrified of it

he's seen more, he wants more and he's willing to risk himself to get it because it was worth it

Cazador though

lol nah

ultimately he's a coward about doing that exact thing

he's petrified of having nothing left of him if he gives up on what he's doing so he just never even tries and would pretty violently refuse any attempt to make him, for that matter--to him, it can't possibly be worth it

Astarion at least believes a small selection of people would be worth trying for

but Cazador's got none of that because he gave the fuck up on ever finding that and split the world into people he owned and people he would eventually own when he got what he deserved in Ascending after so many years of pure shit--and after his existence had turned into a meaningless morass of violence and horror that he inflicted on literally everyone around him like the walking nuclear fallout of a man that he is

part of being better is wanting to BE better, and (non-ascended) Astarion at least eventually wants to

but Cazador would very literally rather die instead

tl;dr yeah one of these two is a "small pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything"

but it ain't Astarion

[normal-thoughts-official]

Just absolutely heartbroken thinking about how Mal and Imtura must have missed each other after they had their fallout

Imtura and Mal always got each other and were easily the fastest, easiest bond to form between any of the LIs with each other. Not that the other possible combinations aren't all great in their own way (that's one of the strengths of Blades imo), but Mal and Imtura think similarly, have similar values, similar personalities, and, from what I can remember, never even had a single disagreement the whole time they were traveling together. Their dynamic was easy, tripping each other up on the streets of Undermount, they brought a lightness to each other and the group that no one else could. They both understood what it's like to be an outcast - Imtura for being an orc, Mal for being extremely poor. They even had a similar kind of complicated relationship with their past/family, where they both ran as far as possible from them and couldn't push it fully away

My point is, they understood each other possibly the best out of any other dynamic in that group. And it showed, from the way they always had similar opinions and worldviews to the way they joked around easily nearly from day 1. And because a good part of that bonding was exactly because they were both outcasts in nearly all the places they went to together, losing that meant that, once again, they were left to be the odd one out, the one no one really understands. Especially without MC, who, depending on your choices, also had a similar dynamic with them both

For Imtura especially I just cannot imagine how hard it must have been. She was convinced someone she loved deeply (whether romantically or not) was dead. She watched them get snagged right in front of her as she was helpless - the single thing she hates being more than anything - to do anything, and then she was convinced they had died, and she was heartbroken. And then all her other friends, the ones who were supposed to get how she was feeling because they went through the exact same thing, turned their backs to her

And I can't be sure, but I strongly suspect that Imtura knew or at least thought that Mal agreed that MC was dead. I mean, let's be real, nothing else makes sense for his character. Mal has never been an optimist a day in his life. They met Threep and his instant reaction was "clearly this thing is gonna grow to be huge and eat our faces off". He has that whole devil-may-care attitude about being in dangerous situations, yes, which we know is a facade (he himself said he's always a little afraid), but when it comes to predicting the outcomes of things? Mal always expects the worst. And MC had been missing without any leads for a year. In the Shadow Realm, which no one had ever come out of alive before Kade. At that point, thinking MC was dead was more logical than thinking they were alive

And if Imtura knew all of that, which I think she did even if subconsciously... It must have hurt even more that Mal still sided with Tyril and Nia, which he has never done before, mind you, and cut his ties with her. I mean, I'm sure it was two-way, but still. Just like that, she lost all her friends when she was already going through an extremely rough grief process. And the one she was the closest to took the others' side even though he agreed with her. She didn't even have her crew anymore because she couldn't go to the sea again without MC. She had no one and nowhere to turn to at all, in a city full of humans that she barely knew on top of that

Meanwhile Mal also lost his greatest ally on top of going through the exact same grief process, except he had to hide it and keep going. He was burning the candle at both ends trying to keep himself busy and continuing a search that he didn't even believe in, while hiding his true feelings/opinion from Nia and Tyril, who, on top of that, had always had a tendency to side with each other against Mal because they came from similarly sheltered and rigid backgrounds. I'm not saying they were ganging up on him or putting him aside on purpose, and it's clear he grew even closer to the both of them, but when it came to deciding what to do or discussing the ethics or something, Nia and Tyril had always been on the same side. And even on a more day-to-day basis, there are many things Nia and Tyril just can't understand because they were so sheltered. I'm aware Imtura is a princess, but she's been living as a pirate for a long time now, so she's lived in a world way closer to Mal's than theirs - starting with also being on the "wrong" side of the law. Also, she's an orc. No place but Flotilla is ever truly welcoming to her, and Flotilla doesn't feel like her home either for different reasons

And the signs of how much they missed each other was there. I don't see any reason whatsoever for Imtura to stay in Whitetower - a city I think she complained about more than Undermount - other than the fact that she knew Mal and Nia were there. Maybe she couldn't go to Flotilla or the sea, but there were still plenty of better places for her than Whitetower. And Mal had been keeping tabs on her. And not the casual kind of keeping tabs either, because he knew exactly where she would be the same second MC asked. And they don't have GPS tracking and Mal is the only one out of the remaining trio who doesn't have magic. Mal had to make a huge effort to be able to keep tabs on her like that. And he was the only one who did, despite the fact that Nia and Tyril could have done so way more easily. I have no doubt in my mind that he kept watching her so closely because he missed her. And she still wanted to be close to them, even if only in the vaguest possible terms, despite the fact that Whitetower is an actively hostile place to orcs

And I just. IDK. They were both actively grieving/mourning MC and doing so alone (although in different contexts) and in spaces where they were the odd one out and Imtura in particular was turning to the most unhealthy coping mechanisms known to man. And they could have easily supported each other. And from what we've seen, they wanted to. And they didn't. Because one of the things they are similar in is the way they avoid letting themselves be vulnerable and forgive like that. And it makes me so sad

[z-haven]

Memory In The Letter ep 1

(just thoughts and some quick readings done)

Memory in the letter references The Siam Renaissance which is a 2004 fantasy film that's an adaptation of the 1986 thai novel Thawiphop by Thommayanti. Thawiphop is about a young woman who went back in time through a magic mirror.

Sounds kinda familiar doesn't it? Aksorn doesn't go back in time but through the mirror he can see that Songjam is from a different time period.

One of the important things about this novel is that it's used as an example of Thai nationalist thought. Basically absolute monarchy is dismantled and nationalism is promoted. Films during 2020 were also used to promote Thai patriotism and this was through a series of war films endorsed by the Prime Minister during that time. But really the series isn't about war films but someone like Aksorn who loves literature would also appreciate the use of films for imagination/promote a message/learn about history, the world etc. Which is in contrast to how his father would view literature and film for that matter. Maybe Aksorn's father represents the monarchy where it's total obedience and Aksorn is resisting that.

There's also De Profundis by Oscar Wilde. So I did a quick read up on it (too lazy to read the entire thing anyways) and found some stuff I could relate to this episode.

Both Oscar and Aksorn's mothers died.

While Oscar is a writer, Aksorn is aspiring/hoping to be one. I don't know if he started yet.

There is a quote from the letter "I am completely penniless, and absolutely homeless. Yet there are worse things in the world than that. I am quite candid when I say that rather than go out from this prison with bitterness in my heart against the world, I would gladly and readily beg my bread from door to door."

If we focus on the bolded part of the quote and words 'homeless' and 'penniless' this is how it relates to Aksorn. We know Aksorn is not 'homeless' but he has 'shunned' his family home. That home has become a 'prison' for Aksorn just like Wilde has his own prison as well.

Maybe it's a stretch but I'm finding someone 'similar' between Oscar/Bosie (Lord Alfred Douglas) and Aksorn/Songjam.

Oscar had written that letter to Bosie but was not allowed to send it to him. But let's say that he was allowed to send the letter - Oscar is trapped by the prison he's in, there's a distance between him and Bosie and to bridge that distance he writes a letter to him. Aksorn and Songjam are 'close' in their developing relationship and that they could sit against the mirror and converse with each other but there is a distance in that they are from two different dimensions where they cannot access the other one (as far as we know).

There's also one thing that I've noticed which is the use of mirrors. We see it in the series as a barrier between dimensions and it's used as a time travel device in Thawiphop. However there's also references to it elsewhere, specifically with relation to Oscar Wilde. I found this excerpt through a translation of Oscar Wilde's Salome:

"No, no, you would not have that. .... But I will look at you no more. Neither at things, nor at people should one look. Only in mirrors should one look, for mirrors do but show us masks." (edited to focus on the last sentence).

Through Memory and in the Letter and Salome I'm sure they're both referencing mirrors in the sense of reflecting an image. Before the comet hit, Aksorn would view the mirror as something used to show his reflection. In Salome, the mirror is used symbolically as something depicting an absence of masks. The character sees all else as fake and the mirror as showing him reality. Maybe the reflection shows what we are like inside.

However, ever since the comet hit his apartment, Aksorn no longer sees his reflection but the mirror has given him access to a whole new dimension. We're not able to see Songjam's world as yet so I'll address it through Aksorn's side. Aksorn is sort of living two lives now. The one where he goes about his daily life that Songjam cannot be a part of and the other where it's just Aksorn and Songjam and no one else. If anyone else enters his room, would they see Songjam or their own reflection. Is access to the world through the mirror only for them?

I've heard this series is only 6 episodes so I'm interested in seeing how this mini series progresses.

[ebonyfrostremade]

@izhape really love you not addressing half of what I wrote with this. Did I not just mention what was xenophobic about the plot? Ignoring how other people who aren't white feel the exact same way as me?

Just because YOU cannot fucking handle the implications of the plot nor accept that if I can misread a situation as similar to my REAL LIFE FUCKING EXPERIENCE its still not good!

I'm not wrong for seeing my real life experiences in your words because none of you have every even give a modicum of thought to how this comes off. Your cats have said things word for word to things I have heard said towards myself, I have been blamed for violence done by my people despite not even being there! The fact that absolutely no thought was given as to how this comes off shows how ill prepared it is. and never once have my comments been towards you as a person. And I could separate it from being ooc its just that you and everyone else who complained took personal offense.

just because you are also a person of color doesn't mean you have any authority over what is and isn't bigoted and the fact you are basically telling me to shut up and telling me I am wrong for feeling that way is deplorable. Intentional or not your words you made your character say WERE real to me and other poc. You cannot hide behind that with "intentions".

And yeah I would really like that you all had stopped pretending to like me before this point as well! It was really obvious you all did not like me and it sucked pretending like you did.

I also was having a horrible time IRL so I do in fact empathize! <3

but you cant use that as an excuse literally every time something goes slightly wrong.

You claim to be open to conversation but anytime anyone has ever even tried its gone nowhere! I know me and other friends of mine have tried and gotten absolutely nowhere with any of you. The second someone does not agree with you you turn around and act like this is some big conspiracy rather than the fact you have ruined RPers reputations for even less.

In fact the time this problem was brought up we literally had a group mocking session about it! Sure they were anons, but instead of being adults you puffed your chests out and laughed at them and took the core issue and dismissed it as nonsense.

And don't act like it wasn't about me, skel and icy. You all were passive aggressive about that whole thing,

[acourtofthought]

you responded to this ask recently which stuck in my head: https://www.tumblr.com/acourtofthought/724474444564824064/hii-hru-i-started-reading-the-crescent-city?source=share

specifically the concept of the mating bond being forced vs a choice. something i think SJM has done well throughout her writing is showing that, while the bond might not be a choice, loving someone is. with rowaelin, feysand, nessian, (quinlar i think but i haven't read cc yet) every couple falls in love before they realize or accept the bond. the bond is this thing that intensifies it, but the love would be there regardless.

i think elucien will be so interesting to read since they will know about the bond already and it will make that idea of choice more complicated. but every couple chooses to love each other despite the bond and elucien won't be any different

I do think Elucien is in a very unique situation because we have never had a pairing's bond snap into place before they developed some sort of feeling for one another. Not to mention she was in love with someone else and that has got to be a wild ride of emotions she's been on (I can't wait for her POV, seriously, I need the details on everything she's been thinking about it all).

And I kind of think them both knowing about the bond gives them more choice than any of the other pairings because they're more informed.

Feyre fell for Rhys but she never had the opportunity to question how much of that was choice versus how much was she drawn to him because of the bond.

Cassian kept feeling drawn back to Nesta but would think things like "Why did he care, WHY DID HE CARE?" He suspected they shared a bond but didn't know for sure.

But Elucien is fully aware and that means if they make the choice to be together, every interaction will have been a well thought out one. They have the opportunity to really consider whether it's the bond or their own emotions drawing them closer. They'll have the chance to pay attention to the moments when the bond is causing them to have an instinctual reaction versus a reaction born of their own thoughts.

I'm not sure how anyone can question "choice" at this point because if two characters had no choice then there would have never been separation from the first moment each couple met. Feyre could not have gone back to Tamlin, Nesta could not have been with other males, and Elain couldn't have tried to return to Graysen or nearly kissed Az.

So choice is obvious.

What is also clear is that the bond itself cannot grant two people happiness (as was the case with Rhys's parents).

So while Feysand and Nessian were somewhat unknowingly drawn to one another because of the bond, they still chose to be together. And the happiness they share was completely of their own making, not something the bond fabricated.

Elucien can't help being mates but it has been their choice to avoid accepting the bond. However, if they end up in a forced proximity situation and find they like one another because of who they are as individuals and because of the similarities they share, that will be their doing (and not the bond). And because of that, they could then make the choice to accept their bond.

[moonstruckme]

hello! my deepest apologies if this message is a broken record- my wifi was acting up, and i wasn't sure if it sent. i hope this doesn't come across as annoying nor perpetual, i debated on sending one again in feat of that, but my paranoia won't let me. so once again, i am terribly sorry if this caused any disturbance or annoyance.

if your requests are open, i was hoping it would be alright to request this because it has been stuck in my mind ever since getting into the marauders fandom:

we know the black sisters' dynamic, or atleast the one i like the most because i love me some angst material, andromeda and bellatrix are on opposing sides and narcissa being stuck in the middle. i was wondering what would it be like to have that same(or similar) dynamic be with the black brothers if they had a sister or sibling. causing parallels between the cousins, regulus and bellatrix, sirius and andromeda, and narcissa and (y/n). i love your style of writing, and how you out your own little twists with your work, so i thought it would be interesting to see how you would interpret this idea.

i was thinking how it would also be interesting to tie a subreddit i read about, how in exchange for magic, pureblood families are destined with a curse. and though i cannot remember what the black's was specifically, if my memory serves me wrong- it was madness.

of course, if you do not wish to write about this, i completely understand! i wish you luck with your writing, as well as hoping your day/night/afternoon goes well. i apologise for any grammatical or tonal error. i am looking forward to reading more of your work!

Hi there lovely! No annoyance at all! I did see your other ask earlier but it seems to have disappeared since, so I'm glad you sent this one so I'd have something to respond to :)

I'm so flattered that you thought of me to write this idea, but as of right now I don't feel like I'm familiar enough with the dynamic between the Black sisters to really do it justice (I hope to become more familiar with it, but I'd hate to leave this just sitting in my inbox for ages). It sounds so interesting, though, and I hope you're able to find someone else who'll write it for you! (This is also my, like, "permission" or whatever to send it to other tumblrs, because I know that can often be considered rude. I don't want the fact that I can't write this particular thing to keep your story from coming to fruition)

Thank you for being so kind, I hope your day/night/afternoon goes well too!! <3

[seelestia]

YEEE NPNP!! college was nervewracking ngl (still is), at least when i started last year august iirc? but yeah! do you know what major you want? alas i cannot chill as much as i used to smh

heheh fr tho >:3 i think the fontaine arc was really well written and went into more depth (get it? depth? waters? ok i'll stop now) and because of how much lore we were given since it seems to be more complex ngl. as for myself, i'm sticking albedo and lyney under the microscope so i can understand them both better

especially albedo. i'd very much like to pick his brain the same way i wanna pick my boyfriend's- coughs

HEJSJD THE WAY I STARTED SMILING AFTER READING THE HCS,,needed that ngl cuz i've been stressed a lot. but i think bedo would be the kind of person who'd do that and create an artificial flower and then name it after me hehehe

but hey, who's to say wanderer wouldn't leave you a flower someplace where you can find it? just a small and sweet gesture and will very most likely deny it (and fails) when you tease him for it mwehehhe i can be devious too ya know or maybe even ayato leaves you a little present like a bracelet or hair accessory after a long day of work

AND NOO ITS OK I LOVE LISTENING TO UR RAMBLES TOO /gen /pos

actually yea i do have some new vibedo trivia! we've officially become engaged and he was the one who proposed first <3 that and he has a tendency to call me "sweet violet" since its an actual flower as well hehe. and tysm!! i'm honestly just doing my best to stay happy since my irl bedo is like very complementary to my personality if that makes sense? like he tends to wear darker clothing, i tend to wear a lot of pastels kinda thing. and so far, we're doing rlly good! sure there are some challenges we're dealing with now but im doing my best to stay positive ^^

also me being 20 ew. somehow i'm still being referred as old sheesh

ok im done rambling now im passing the mic to u hehe /lh

ah, truly. the price of education = freedom to chill !!! 😔 but alas, life is a ongoing journey with hurdles (and i happen to not be an athlete /j). currently, i have my eyes on a social science major atm! so i can hopefully pursue psychology :3 but my second choice is english bcs i cannot stray from the path of linguistics and literature no matter how much i tried /pos. ALSOSOSO if you don't mind, can you tell me more abt what you do in your course? i did my research on google but i think it cannot compare to someone with the actual experience™ ++ i'm just a curious cat and want to enable your rambles hehe <3 /lh

THE PUN, HELP. i agree, the fontaine quest deffo made some waves when it ended. OH I SEE!!! at first glance, i thought i could find a similarity between albedo and lyney (finding vi's type: a reality show jkjk we all already know it's albedo /hj) but the longer i looked, the more i questioned myself 😭 i do think that both of them are deeper than what people credit them for tho! albedo with his knowledge of khemia.... and lyney with his burdens as the next 'father'..... ooOOooO. some emphasis for now on lyney bcs of the 4.6 trailer that just dropped! DID YOU SEE IT YET VI 👁️ (but dw, i understand if you had no time / busy with college!) { the comment abt picking your bf's brain LMAO would he let you?? oh, truly, love is blind 🤭 /lh }

always happy to provide you with hcs!!! my brain buzzes with possibilities all the time && one of the things i love most abt selfships is analyzing how different personalities come together to form habits / idiosyncrasies / love languages of their own. like how albedo conjures up an artificial flower bcs he is simply reminded of his sweet violet — that is special and unique to you in a way. it's vv beautiful, i think!!

AND HSHDHWHSH. THE HCS??? vi, i cannot convey how much i appreciate you. i haven't indulged in my selfships for some time since i didn't have time to be active - so this made me SOSOSO happy aaaaaa!!! but wanderer definitely has left some flowers for me before bcs who else? i suggested the possibility of another suitor and he knocked me on the head (softly) YOWCHHH but hey, at least he admitted it was him! :3c and 'yato.... aghhhhh this man. he leaves a hairpin out in the open but tells me “not to touch it until he gets home” just so he can put it on me himself. he derives joy from seeing me hold back from snatching that thing up myself. meanie /j

AWWW THAT'S SO CUTE!! you two are the apt presentation of “opposites attract”. and i'm glad! i only have average experience with relationships but i think everyone agrees that a relationship isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time. that's as natural as our having good days and bad days in a week. i think what matters is how you both deal with them - and i believe in you & your bf! you're a good egg and ik your bf is too, so do what you both know is best <3 (forgive me if i sound like a grandma here /j BUT hooray to vi and irl albedo! my new fav couple yesyesyes)

[coffinsister]

Eeee so I can't pick a favorite between Ashley and Andrew but when I was playing it I definitely saw Ashley as sorta yandere vibes? Like yknow with the girl dying in the box was the primary example, Andrew going along with it too was like 👀 because why would he go along with killing someone unless he was either The Biggest Doormat (which i definitely understand seeing the creator's notes) or he was also vaguely yandere but not acknowledging it. There's a lot of toxicity between them obviously and a lot of trauma (not sure where from aside from whole being locked in the apartment for Hecc knows how long and maybe neglectful parents) but they seem to be reading the same book but they're not the same page if that makes sense. Andrew probably also has some Older Sibling syndrome going on there because he cares about Ashley if reluctantly sometimes and takes responsibility for things, while Ashley makes sense as the younger sibling (as an older sister myself it at least was recognizable with how Andrew was telling Ashley she had to realize what they'd done at the end of the chapter) and with the whole demon thing it made me wonder what the talisman will show Ashley or if there will be more complicated horror with the two of them encountering more cultists or if their parents had something to do with the issue because I definitely agree on the whole sus mom thing

All in all I love how the game gives us enough information to see kind of where it could go but doesn't spoil the plot and the Coffin part of the title definitely gave me 4th wall thoughts similar to Homestuck. The apartment/demon occult based horror is similar to Sally Face too so it just took the gremlins and made me super interested in the story. If i ever write anything i'll definitely send it to you!! I work as a writer off of tumblr for a larp company currently though so my brain is a bit fried but I love this game a lot and it was super interesting to see what was going on in the story 👀

Thank you !!! Don't overheat your brain anymore than necessary to survive in the techno capitalist hellscape singularity we are currently in but if you do find the time to write anything that would be amazing :D

And now to answer everything else:

I love both siblings for their own reasons I really do but I fell in love with Andrew the moment I saw him because brocon tendencies defeat all sorts of common sense immediately for me

Yeah Ashley totally fits into the yandere archetype except she's more real I would say and she's definitely more western than full on anime like

I say she's more real because she's actually shown to struggle a lot with socialization and with her parents and just seems to be rejected by the world around her because of her personality instead of just being a random girl who somehow exists with that behavior and it's okay

Yeah I actually don't really understand Andrew's motivations for going along with stuff all that deeply I always feel like there's something I'm missing with him but mostly I just see it as well he genuinely really cares for his sister and doesn't want to see her in distress and he's super codependent as well and cannot lose and he's a pushover too and finds it easier to go along and blame her for everything instead of standing up to her and risk losing her and then having to confront himself

As Ashley did say she's the only person he can be real with so he can't stand to lose her

I also totally think he's yandere on his own right like maybe yandere wouldn't be the right term for him because he definitely doesn't present himself at first as more approachable like Ashley does but he's still super overprotective of her

Like straight up one of the like 7 times the Rage sprite is used twice are just for the time where Ashley makes the comment about getting pregnant from their neighbor

So yeah they are both yanderes for each other and we love that for them

Personally I see the trauma from them steming from yeah killing that girl that's definitely not something you can just walk off but also from their parents seeming to be very detached and neglectful of them and also from Ashley specifically I see her as somebody who's never managed to have a long lasting relationship of any type with anybody other than Andrew

She expresses that just who she is and her personality makes people turn away from her and that over so much time and starting up from so young can really mess a person up

And then she starts isolating Andrew too and they wind up becoming dependant on each other and no matter what forcing one person to carry the weight that a whole entire social circle should is always going to end up turning toxic ah~ which is what I so love about them I'm just a natural sucker for toxic siblings dynamics

Actually your perspective saying that Ashley fits as a little sister is really interesting to me because I am a little sister I can't really understand how older siblings look at their younger siblings but I can see a lot of how me and my older sister are like in just how they banter and stuff

Like that bit where Andrew is like nope you go get the batteries It was like a Deja Vu for me swear to God

I definitely think the whole prophetic dreams stuff is gonna play a big role in the full game and I'm really looking forwards to the horror potential of it all

I also really enjoy the idea of Ashley being super paranoic all the time about everything she dreams because what if she interprets it wrong what if she doesn't see the right thing what if it ends up getting Andrew hurt and as much as he doesn't want him to be able to live on without her that stems from the fact that she definitely cannot live on without him

One thing I really enjoy about dystopian stories is that they tell you just enough they make you feel like the world was already here before you and you are just watching it at the moment and this game does that so well

I know nothing about Homestuck but everyday I learn something new about it as it seems

And sorry, as you can probably tell, I can talk a whole lot about my special interests jejeje (☍﹏⁰).

[fioras-resolve]

I beat Virtue's Last Reward, thoughts under the cut

-Huh?

-Okay, not huh as in "I don't understand," I get it fully, I mean "Why was this the ending?" I guess I'll have to play Zero Time Dilemma to find out huh.

-This is definitely the kinda thing I'm gonna have to spend several days processing, similar to 999

-I'm thinking a bit about how the ending of a thing can overshadow so much else in a story, like even though I've experienced the rest of the story, I'm struck by just the ending right now.

-I think all-in-all the main thing I'll say is that this game got me to feel things, it got me to love, to loathe, to betray and be betrayed. I don't think a game has done that this well for me in a good while. It's inspiring tbh. Did I mention I'm a game developer? This will definitely influence my work moving forward.

-I cannot fucking IMAGINE playing this game in 2012 and having to wait 4 years for Zero Time Dilemma to come out. Y'all were hanging on that cliff so long, and it was very possible you'd never get up. As an Ace Attorney fan living on hiatus brain, I know the feeling, but also GOD, at least Ace Attorney had a consistent flow of games when I was most into it.

-I am... mixed, on how this game handles returning characters from 999. The big thing right now is This Is Not My Akane. She's basically unrecognizable, even in her past state where she looks the same. I was thinking during that whole ending, "Okay, but why did it have to be AKANE? She's been through this so many times and probably has six layers of PTSD from the thing, so why would she ever agree to this?" And it feels like the answer is a kind of puzzle-box solution that I find really strange all things considered. Like, yes, 999's ending was a mindfuck, but it also genuinely pulled at the heartstrings because like. Yeah, you were saving Akane, and this is someone that we'd built a connection to both as a character and as a player.

-I guess the thing there is that like, that kind of heartstrings ending is a single route of 999, but it's all over VLR. The ending feels like an answer to the mystery, but not to the themes, or the question of "why does this game exist?"

-It feels like Uchikoshi wanted to follow up on the cult success of 999 by making something Bigger, an even more complex mystery with even more paths and even more moving parts. And he got so invested in making this puzzle box cohere that the game ends up sidelining emotional resonance even when it's trying not to.

-I've been talking to a friend of mine who played it a while ago and felt physically ill after the ending, and like. First of all, yeah, different people just have different tolerable levels of bullshit. But also, I feel like plural systems like myself innately have more of a resistance to it because our minds are already fucky enough. Legit, during the reveal of the swap I was thinking "Oh so he dissociated for 45 years."

-Sidenote, Zero Escape feels intensely gnostic, from what little I know of gnosticism. It feels like these games are trying to use science as a conduit/justification for a philosophy I'm not sure if I vibe with. But I can vibe with it for the purpose of storytelling.

-I think I like VLR more than 999? Like, VLR is definitely playing with bigger ideas and following up on 999 in ways I really appreciate. And in general th--

-Midway through typing the previous thing I realized, holy shit, I have a similar relationship to this game that I do to Final Fantasy XIII-2. They're both sequels that follow up on their previous games with blanket improvements to both story and gameplay, but both have endings that leave me confused as to what these games are actually doing besides filling in plot before the next game. And yes, both VLR and XIII-2 are doing amazing things in the beginning and the middle, but the answer to "what is this leading to" for both seems to be "play the next game, fucker."

-I think the thing I'm pissed about is the justification given for the AB game. Like, the mechanic inherently carries interesting themes about trust, self-interest, game theory, etc. The reveals of what everyone else voted are some of the most gripping moments I've experienced in video games. I was ready for this to be going somewhere with these ideas! And then the reveal is that the reason the game was constructed like this was to give you more moments of choice to time travel through. And like, okay, fine, this game's got its higher level stuff about choice and agency and all that, that all works! But for the Ambidex Game to be primarily about making the player make the exact right choices to lead to the perfect ending, it's... Ugh! I thought the point was to explore all these other possibilities, that's why all the different endings!

-I need more time to process this game, but right now my take is this: Virtue's Last Reward is an amazing game until you realize what it is. It's a game that can raise your emotions high and get you truly fucked up. But as you play more of it, it reveals its true focus is this almost mechanical construction of plot. This construction is beautiful in its own way, but it's not what I come to a game like this for. Despite being a game designer who talks a lot about game mechanics and systems, I care so much about story. I want to get attached to characters, I want to see a narrative unfold, I want to have my heartstrings pulled. And the game seems too sure of itself to remember to pull it off.

-Or maybe this is the wrong way of looking at it? Maybe I'm criticizing what it isn't, rather than appreciating what it is. This game isn't trying to be 999 and failing, it's trying to be Virtue's Last Reward and succeeding. And I'm still along for this ride.

[transingthoseformers]

So I'm vividly reminded of the "What if there was a character who wanted to be [faction] but was barred from joining [faction]" post, and tfp au Tarn is somewhat close to being this.

They wouldn't have let him join the Decepticons if he hadn't pleaded and begged enough. And, nobody will ever admit it, even the commanders are scared of him. Tarn has just been so loyal (well loyal up until this point) that they were willing to overlook the immense security risk his Voice was and the rancid vibes. In the TFP au, he came to the Decepticons preinstalled with the DJD, but in this au the DJD had existed before Tarn has, and they kinda just found him in the space woods like a coyote mistaken for a dog.

TFP au Tarn has a much different backstory and origin than what you'd expect. Damus was someone who originally was turned away from the Decepticons , whether it was for a lack of generalistic experience, bad luck, having failed some sort of entrance test (i severely doubt they'd have like a written test, that's not what i mean, I'm thinking some sort of small quest), or hell the Bad Vibes™️ that Soundwave had received but could never put a digit. (Nobody could've guessed Tarn had been Damus, hell nobody knows until the Tarn and Fallen fiasko when he blurts it in a monologue.)

He did not take this rejection. I cannot tell you for sure when Damus became a more recognizable shape, what he had done before fully becoming Tarn, but I can tell you how he was found.

The DJD was a project proposed by Shockwave, one that Megatron has always disliked. It ultimately functioned similar to the Wreckers in the Autobots— do the dirty work that not even Megatron wants to do, and he'll turn a blind eye to their methods. One of the conditions he agreed upon was that they stay away from the frontlines, as they are pretty much the clean up crew for those who have become disillusioned to the Cause. Originally, the ship's crew was the leader Kaon, Tesarus, Helex, Vos, and Prion (their medic, who looks a little familiar...)

They found Damus on a small moon circling a dead planet that had never developed complex life. He was thought to be a mercenary, but no he denied this. The DJD decided that hey this guy who wants to be a Decepticon should be a Decepticon! And dragged him with them. This is when he took upon the name Tarn (the symbolic meaning here in the tfp au is unknown as of yet) There is a possibility that his Voice had influenced this without their knowledge, as exactly nobody had guessed that as a possibility. Though, the DJD soon learned during the brutal disposal of a rogue exactly what Tarn is capable with this "gift". (Remember, in the TFP au outliers do exist but exactly nobody has really discovered this fact. Sometimes mecha pop up with inexplicable abilities and it always freaks everyone else the hell out) At first, they were struck with that instinctive oh-frag feeling, but this faded with the delight of them having a new method in their already rather unconventional repertoire.

Things were... special the next time the Peaceful Tyranny crossed paths with the Nemesis. Megatron was very suspicious of this Tarn, (actually in a very similar way as he was in canon of Predaking once the mech revealed his bipedal mod). But, eventually, he okayed the new addition as he wasn't going to question the DJD's methods. He didn't want to think too hard about what they do, only that they completed the job out of sight. Megatron couldn't afford to lose any more sleep than he already is over this.

Did Megatron call the DJD down to Earth? No, Tarn had tracked Pharma's signal and was delighted to find out his Lord is also on this blue and green planet. If I remember my timelines correctly, they arrived in the smack dab middle of the spicy battlefield dance arc. Meaning, the commanders already had so goddamn much to deal with that they agreed "fuck it, let them do whatever they're here to do, let them take care of the traitors wandering about so we don't have to". The DJD was explicitly told to not interfere with the war efforts, the autobots, or the ongoings of the Nemesis. (Probably in much longer polite and formal words than my synopsis of it)

For a long time, Tarn was considered in a similar manner as he was in canon. A dangerous weapon, but a currently manageable and loyal weapon. Some would say Tarn's loyalty to the Cause and Megatron rivals Soundwave's, others dare to admit that there has to be a catch. That nobody is that loyal without some sort of catch. Especially if that someone enjoys working with the fragging DJD, which among most Decepticons is practically a myth because of how infrequently the Peaceful Tyranny is sighted.

The events of Delphi are very similar as in the au, upon one divergence— nobody finds them. Every autobot except Pharma eventually succumbs to the Red Rust (or the DJD, in Ambulon's case) and Pharma has to find his way off planet. Eventually, he makes his way to Earth.

The rest of the DJD, as we know, was entirely content with these orders and did their own horrific murder thing. Tarn, though? Oh we knew he ultimately basically ignored this and turned his efforts to win his Lord with his winning personality (a lie), pure loyalty (a lie), and charming good looks (kind of a lie but kinda not)— and to find out where that autobot jet had went.

He started seeing the messages from Megatronus Prime a mere fortnight since he arrived on Earth. The Fallen had a reverse sort of reaction to Tarn, at first only seeing him as an easy to manipulate means to an end. After all, once the Fallen got out and destroyed Earth, what would this pathetic sycophant matter? But, as they started interacting more the Fallen ended up letting more and more of his guard down to this mortal. Tarn will not end up betraying Megatronus Prime, even as the reverse happens. This demigod encouraged the wrong mech.

Tarn will not visually see Pharma until further into the truce, pretty damn close in time with when he learns about Silverlight. And well... I've talked about what comes next.