#also I’ve been told I should voice an audiobook or start a podcast

[im-a-dragon-cawcaw]

No rizz just brown eyes, long eyelashes, and no idea what the right amount of eye contact is for any situation

[loverofstufflof]

Ways to consume Journey to the West (without needling to buy and read a full translation)!

I’ve noticed that a lot of people can’t read the book for a lot of different reasons, so I’ve compiled a couple of my favourite ways of consume the story while bypassing these problems, categorized by the various issues I’ve come across.

Note that this is mainly for English speakers, as that’s the language I default to for translations.

The book is too inaccessible/expensive for me to obtain physically

Journey to the West Research has an entire blog post dedicated to compiling free PDF versions of the book. This includes many languages, not just English.

I struggle with reading text in that quantity

There are abridged versions of the story, my personal favourite is the one by Julie Lovell—it’s approximately a quarter of the original story’s length, and mainly focuses on the most iconic chapters. These versions are also typically more easily found in local bookstores.

I struggle with reading novels in general

The story has been converted into audio form! Here are the ones off the top of my head, each listed with their own pros and cons:

Journey to the West: An Audio Drama Series is an original translation told in a read-aloud format, in which the host, Lin, acts as a kindly librarian reading to a group of awaiting 1st graders. She gives every character a distinct voice and personality, and she’s obviously delighted to be able to share her culture with the listeners. The show used to have free translation notes, where Lin gets to act as a disgruntled translator going on about the intricacies of the Chinese language and historical/mythological contexts, but these now require a subscription to access. This show is the reason why I know how to pronounce these characters’ names.

Legends Summarized: The Journey to the West by Overly Sarcastic Productions is one that I’m sure I don’t need to include (because of how widespread it is) but feel I should because someone is gonna mention is anyways. It’s a very summarized, very sarcastic retelling of Red’s favourite chapters in the book, accompanied by fun visuals and the excitement of someone who clearly knows and loves what they’re talking about. As Red has said herself, this series should not be your only source of JTTW knowledge, as she simplifies it a ton to make it more digestible. Great for people who are just getting into the story and want a general overview, not great for people who want a more in-depth understanding of the themes and other complexities.

Journey of the Monkey King is a podcast akin to a longform, more in depth version of the OSP series. It consists of two Irish comedians discussing one chapter per episode; one of them (Caoimhe) has read the book, the other (MJ) hasn’t. The format is mainly Caoimhe giving a comedic abridged version of the chapter while MJ gawks in horror at whatever absurdity the Monster-of-the-Week presents. Because it’s hosted by Irish people, there isn’t much cultural context given, and some names are butchered, however I do find this one a lot easier to follow in comparison to the Audio Drama Series, and it’s far more detailed than Legends Summarized.

Journey to the West English Amateur Audiobook is one that is on my radar but have not started. To my current knowledge, it is an audiobook version of the WJF Jenner translation, which is notable to me because most of these types of podcasts are derived from the Anthony C Yu translation, so this one would be a nice listen to compare how the two went about handling the text.

Please know that this post isn’t intended to shame anyone into consuming the story; it’s not for everyone! But I’ve come across my fair share of aspiring fans who couldn’t access the book in a way that suited them (including myself) so I wanted to make this knowledge more generally know for anyone else who might need it :]

[writingquestionsanswered]

I have trouble with writing in general. Can you help me? English isn't my first language, but I really want to write a story in English someday. However, both I and my English teacher have noticed a problem. He says he can tell I haven't cheated on my assignments because I write like I speak. That comment broke my heart a bit and made me feel pressured because there's a recurring joke in fanfiction that all stories starting with "English is not my mother tongue / I'm not fluent in English" are masterpieces, haha. I'm very disappointed in myself because I don't feel as good as other non-native speakers. Do you have any tips for improving my writing?

Improving Writing as Non-Native Speaker

First, I'm so sorry that your English teacher or anyone else has ever made you (or anyone) feel bad about your speaking or writing. Anyone who tries to learn a language other than their native language should be commended, no matter the skill level they reach. Many people who have the ability and access to learn another language never even bother, so kudos to you for learning. If it helps, I wouldn't have known you were a non-native speaker if you hadn't told me.

Any time you want to learn to write stories in a non-native language, there are four things you can do to improve your skills:

1 - Watch movies, TV shows, videos, and listen to audiobooks and podcasts in that language. Not dubbed or with captions in that language... movies, TV shows, and videos where the people are actually speaking the language you want to learn. This type of immersion can really help you get a feel for how native speakers actually sound, which can help you with writing and with creating authentic dialogue.

2 - Read stories, books, magazines, blogs, poems, and posts in that language. Again, nothing that has been translated into that language, but things that were originally written in the language you want to learn. This helps to reinforce the visual of the language in your mind's eye as you write, and quite often, seeing things in text can stick out more to you than they do when only hearing them. Also, some people just learn better one way over the other, so both hearing and seeing the language makes sure you're covering both bases.

3 - Practice speaking in that language. Even if speaking isn't your issue, it's still helpful to practice speaking the language, because it helps to reinforce it in your mind. Try reading news articles, stories, chapters of books, and social media posts out loud. It can also be helpful to look up movie and play scripts and speak the lines out loud.

4 - Practice writing in that language. If you wanted to learn a concerto for a piano recital, you might practice by watching other people play it, listening to it, reading the sheet music over and over, and practicing the tune with your voice, but nothing would help you improve more than actually playing the song over and over again yourself. You would get better with each performance, and writing works the same way. The number one thing you can do to improve your writing in another language is to write a lot of stories in that language. It's okay if you're not perfect. Even native speakers don't write perfect stories without practice. ♥

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[readonline]

https://nyti.ms/3r9diMp 17, 2020 at 09:09PM

Modern Love

Auditioning for the Role of Boyfriend

When you have been strung along and ghosted by guys who play it cool, how do you handle a man who is adoring and sincere?

Credit...Brian Rea

By Amre Klimchak

It was nearly midnight by the time I reached Erica’s backyard party, after going to a concert in Prospect Park and taking a long subway ride to Williamsburg. Honestly, I was proud that I had managed to drag myself out at all.

I had been in the habit of canceling plans, too depressed to leave my apartment. My career had stalled. I’d just extricated myself from a long entanglement with an emotionally unavailable man. And my father had recently died from cancer only three months after his diagnosis.

The beers I had downed at the show were giving way to a gnawing hunger. Before me, on a dessert table, lay a sumptuous chocolate cake, but I couldn’t find any forks.

I turned to the guy next to me: “Do you know where the utensils are?” (I was ready to eat with my hands.)

He produced a plastic spoon. “No, but you can use mine if you want.”

“You don’t have any diseases or anything?”

“Nope.”

He seemed harmless and kind, so I grabbed the spoon, served myself a slice and walked away, shoveling mouthfuls.

Later, as I was leaving, I bumped into him again, and — no longer blinded by my appetite — I felt as if I were seeing him for the first time. Tan and handsome, he looked to be just shy of 30.

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“I’m James,” he said. “How do you know Erica?”

“We work together,” I said. “I’m an audiobook producer, at least for now. I’m quitting soon.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to drive across the country with my dog, Reine.”

“Like ‘Travels With Charley,’” he said, referencing the famous Steinbeck book that I owned but hadn’t read. He was focused squarely on me, undistracted and earnest in a way I hadn’t experienced since moving to New York from Atlanta four years earlier.

“Maybe it’ll be like that,” I said. “I haven’t read it though.”

“Where are you going?”

“Everywhere. I have friends all over and family in the South, and eventually I’ll get to the West Coast.”

“I’m from Arkansas,” he said. “If you go through Little Rock, you can stay with my mom.”

I thought he might genuinely mean it. Southerners are known for their hospitality, after all. “That’d be great,” I said. “We’ll see.” I wasn’t sure how seriously to take him. “Well, I have to go now.”

“Have a good time on your trip!” He smiled, gazing at me intently.

Was he flirting? Most of my romantic prospects in New York had cultivated an air of disinterest, always scanning the room for better possibilities. I would connect with men only to have them ghost me. Assuming he was no different, I said, coolly, “Thanks, nice to meet you,” and sauntered off.

After Erica’s party, I thought about James but let go of the idea of him until a few days later, when Erica called me.

“My friend, James, is into you,” she said. “He said you made him ‘weak in the knees.’”

My heart somersaulted. “The one with the light-brown hair and great smile?”

“Yeah. He’s 23, but you’d never know.”

I gulped. I’d thought we were closer in age. “Never mind then,” I said. “I can’t date someone that young. Besides, he’ll lose interest when he finds out I’m 36.”

“He won’t care! I’ve known James for years. He’s an old soul. You should have a drink with him. Come on.”

For the past year I had rejected new romantic possibilities as I pursued my commitment-phobe. Now I was ready to move on.

“OK,” I said. I was nervous, but my father’s death had upended my life, bringing new urgency to changes I longed for.

“Fantastic! I’ll do an email introduction.”

Over the next hour, until I received her email, I checked my inbox approximately 316 times.

“James, meet Amre. Amre, meet James. Bye!”

This was all the encouragement James needed. He emailed right away with the subject line “Travels With Charley,” asking if I was free for a drink that weekend. He was following the basic recipe for successfully asking someone out: show clear interest and make a straightforward request. It sounds simple, but after a year of chasing a man who never once did that, I found James’s frankness to be an unexpected delight.

I told him I was available Sunday night. He promised to call that day to firm up plans. I was equal parts thrilled and terrified.

At 9 p.m. Sunday, I waited for James outside of one of my favorite Williamsburg beer bars, its outdoor garden perfect for a first date on a late summer night. He soon arrived, and we embraced. A sense of familiarity washed over me, as if we had done this before.

We sat outside under a bright moon as he asked about my road trip.

“My father passed away, and that’s why I’m going,” I said. There I was, being vulnerable with ease.

“I’m really sorry about your dad,” he said. “You’re brave to go by yourself with just your dog.”

“Thanks,” I said, blushing. “I don’t feel brave.”

Our voices floated along a light breeze as we confided our aspirations. James was an excellent listener and gifted storyteller. He had moved to New York on a Greyhound bus, which was the deciding factor in his current boss, a TV producer, hiring him. She thought he had more spunk than all the wealthy private-college grads who had applied. His ambition was to direct his own films, and I could see he was hard-working, driven and resourceful. I sensed myself falling.

At the evening’s end, he said, “Can I walk you home?”

When we arrived at my building on Kingsland Avenue, we stood at the bottom of the stairs, gazing into each other’s eyes. I was lightheaded with anticipation.

“I had such a good time tonight,” he said. “I have a crush on you, and I’d like to take you out again.”

“I’d love to.” I turned my face to meet his lips in a long kiss under the moonlight.

About two minutes after our date ended, I started to obsess. I couldn’t help it.

The next morning at work, my mind kept drifting toward our possible future together. Since he knew I was leaving in several weeks, did he see me as a pleasant diversion? Should I even bother to bring up the matter of our age difference? Would that ruin everything?

Over the next few weeks, the relationship blossomed. We watched “Pierrot le Fou,” ate vegetarian food and listened to soul music. We decided at midnight one evening to drive to Coney Island and drink wine on a blanket under the stars. I wasn’t afraid to tell him he was a frequent visitor to my dreams. He assured me he’d been dreaming of me too. Our gap in age seemed unimportant, but we still hadn’t discussed it.

After Labor Day, I worked up the courage to ask what had been simmering in my brain for weeks: “I think I know the answer to this, but are you seeing anyone else?”

“I can’t imagine wanting to see anyone else.” His guilelessness melted my anxiety.

I told him about the guy who had kept me hanging as he saw other women, worried that I was exposing too much about my past relationships.

“Well, I was seeing about nine people,” he said, “but I managed to squeeze out the other eight for you.”

We laughed, my fears vanishing.

A week later, we were circling the McCarren Park track with Reine when I asked James if he wanted to meet me on my road trip.

His response meandered as he found his way to the point: “I don’t know if you’re looking for a boyfriend, but if you are, I’m auditioning for the part.”

I was stunned. I had not had any romantic interest ask to be my boyfriend since I was in junior high. It was such a refreshing change from the ambiguity I’d suffered through with all of the men I’d been attracted to in New York.

A week before I left, James was helping me pack one evening when I finally decided I needed to reveal my age and see how he reacted. “I have to tell you something,” I said. “I’m 36.”

“Are you sure you’re not lying?” he said, teasing.

“Why would I lie?” I said.

“But you’re just so good looking.”

I thought he was joking and started to laugh, but he looked hurt.

“It’s not a joke,” he said. “I’m serious.”

As it turned out, James had discovered my age through an old online profile. He had known all along.

Four and a half years later, we were walking around the McCarren Park track when he stopped and said, “I don’t know if you’re looking for a husband, but if you are, I’m auditioning for the part.”

And now we call McCarren Park “Marriage Park.”

Amre Klimchak teaches and advises at CUNY’s LaGuardia Community College.

Modern Love can be reached at modernlove@nytimes.com.

To find previous Modern Love essays, Tiny Love Stories and podcast episodes, visit our archive.

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From Modern Love

[horrificramblings]

Please, please let this be a dream...

Have you ever had a head injury? A serious injury, one that was difficult to recover from? I have. The story of the injury itself is not a great one, I was hiking early one morning with my boyfriend when a dog came barreling up the trail between us from behind - I was knocked sideways, slipped on the dew moistened two-by-four at the top of a small retaining wall on the trail edge and fell about seven feet down the side, hitting my head pretty decently on the protruding edge of a huge rock in the ground before coming to a stop. My boyfriend, Lyle, went a bit green later when recalling the sound my skull had made as it hit the jagged edge of that boulder. I was out for a couple of minutes until he and the owners of the dog clambered down and were able to gently rouse me, their faces open in horror at the sight of my blood soaked hair. Head wounds like to bleed, a lot, and this was a big one. I earned eighteen stitches behind my right ear and a few nights in the hospital for observation, along with a temporary neck brace and all the tests and scans that come along with a serious knock to the head. Once it had been determined that there was no injury to my spine and I was alert and coherent I was released with a prescription for T3’s for the headaches that came in waves and lasted for what felt like hours, with instructions to use them sparingly and only for the worst pain. The rest would have to be controlled with Aspirin.

The worst part was that this wasn’t my first concussion. I suffered two mild ones during my teenage years - mild but both serious enough injuries to have momentarily knocked me out. If this hiking doozy had been my first head injury my post concussional symptoms might not have been quite so bad, however as it was my third they are nothing short of terrible. The headaches are definitely the worst part. I don’t want to constantly be taking pain medication and try my best to be sparing with the Aspirin and extra sparing with the T3’s unless they’re really bad - which they often are. Besides the headaches though I am prone to irritation, I have a hard time focusing and my short term memory has become non-existent. I’ve also found myself doing things like staring out the front door, or into an open cupboard with no recollection of how I came to be there or what I was looking for. It’s so frustrating and I feel so useless sometimes. I work as a receptionist in a busy hair salon and, since my multitasking abilities have suddenly gone down the toilet, it became nearly impossible for me to do my job. After my fourth horribly botched cash-out left me in frustrated tears I decided to spare my boss from having to let me go and told her I needed a break from work. She, who had been watching me mis-book appointments, blank out on calls with clients and forget to pass tips on to the correct stylists, agreed without hesitation but not without regret. We’re close and I’m generally very good at my job. She helped me to fill out all of the necessary paperwork to submit to apply for Employment Insurance and so here I am, managing on a percentage of my salary and dealing with my symptoms as best I can.

It’s been almost two months since my injury. The headaches are still regular, my memory hasn’t improved in the slightest and concentration is difficult. My days are frustrating. Lyle leaves for work at seven. I usually sleep until around 9, trying to get as much rest as possible. My day is spent puttering around the house doing the few small chores that two tidy people create, and walking as much as possible. This is because I simply don’t have the focus to read a book, read the news, watch a movie or even an entire episode of a television show. It’s horrible. I���m usually a big reader, it’s my go-to way of passing the time, and Lyle and I are huge movie buffs. It’s so frustrating having had two of my biggest hobbies ruined for me. So I go for walks. I stick my earbuds in, listen to music or try to pay attention to an audiobook or podcast, and get out of the house for as long as possible, headache permitting.

Two weeks ago I returned from a walk to the grocery store, and when I took the laundry detergent I’d bought downstairs to the basement laundry room I was surprised to see that the back door, which leads to our unfenced yard, was unlocked. It doesn’t sound terribly out of the ordinary, except that we don’t ever really use that door in the fall. It’s too cold to use the yard much, and even if I were to open it for some reason I would never leave it unlocked for fear of intruders. Our yard backs out onto a deep green belt and my imagination can go wild conjuring the kind of weirdos that might hang out in there. Honestly, I’ve always been more than a little creeped out by that stretch of woods, it seems sort of unnaturally dense and dark. Like I said though, my memory is garbage and I very well could have heard our cat, Nancy, scratching while I was doing laundry, let her in and forgot to lock it. Stranger things have happened. I locked the door and told myself to try to remember to ask Lyle about it. I didn’t, but I had strange and frightening dreams that night, of dark and wind, that I only half remembered afterwards.

A couple of days later I was doing a load of Lyle’s work coveralls when I happened to glance at the basement door and saw that the deadbolt was unlocked again. He was home this time so I called him downstairs.

“Did you leave this door unlocked?” I asked him, pointing to the door that, for some reason, I suddenly didn’t want to get too close to.

“No, I haven’t even used this door in ages. Did you maybe let Nancy in down here?”

“I don’t think so…” I replied, and the look on Lyle’s face told me he thought that was exactly what had happened, which annoyed me. “I really don’t think I did” I said with a bit more conviction.

“OK, well, it’s no big deal” he said, flipping the deadbolt home. He kissed my forehead and went back upstairs while I stood staring at the door, trying to remember the last time I had opened it and feeling dismayed as well as irritated when I came up blank.

Within a few days of that door episode I developed a new symptom in the form of minor visual hallucinations. They started as occasional small spots or cloudy shapes in my periphery and over the course of a couple of days increased to larger, shadowy, human sized shapes that still just hovered at the edge of my vision. I knew that these weren’t real figures that I was seeing but they came unexpectedly and made me jumpy and uneasy - two new states of being that I really didn’t need added to my already taxing daily life. I told Lyle about them and made an appointment with my Dr, who I saw yesterday. She assured me that this was nothing of concern but told me to come back if they progressed into more detailed hallucinations. When I came home from that appointment and shrugged my coat off I noticed that it was much cooler than usual inside the house and I could smell the crisp, earthy fall air. I went around the main floor, checking for windows that I might have left cracked open, and when I realized that they were all closed my heart jumped into my throat. I could see cloudy shapes forming at the edges of my vision, probably brought on by stress, and I crept over and peeked down the basement stairs to see the back door standing open a couple of inches, one of my imagined shapes huddled off to the side of it. Rushing back to our entranceway I grabbed my jacket and cell phone, slipped outside and hurried down the block a few houses before dialing Lyle at work. He answered on the third ring.

“Hey babe, I’m just about to meet with the homeowners can I -”

“The door is open” I blurted out, interrupting him.

“What? What door?”

“The basement door, Lyle. I just got home from the doctor and it was cold inside and I looked downstairs and it was open!” Lyle was quiet for a moment.

“Well, did you close it?”

“What?!”

“Did you close the door, Lane.”

“No I didn’t close it, I don’t want to go down there! It was even worse because I could see one of my stupid new shadow things down by the door.” Lyle sighed audibly.

“Ok, babe, where are you right now?” My eyes began to brim with tears as I sensed the exasperation that he was trying to hide from his voice. I could also feel the onset of what would likely be a vicious headache.

“I’m just down the street a bit, a few houses away.” I drew a shuddery breath and tried to calm myself.

“Ok. I’m not going to be home for another two hours or so and you sound pretty shaky. What’s your plan? Are you just going to wait for me outside?”

“Lyle, I didn’t open that door, I swear I didn’t. I wasn’t even in the basement this morning.” I could hear him talking to someone with his hand over the mouthpiece of his phone, he wasn’t really listening to me.

“Lane, I really have to go. Look I know you don’t remember opening the door, but this wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done something without realizing or remembering. There is no other explanation, is there? I think you should go home, lock the door and lie down. I’ll be home soon, OK? I’ll see if I can take off right after this meeting.” Tears tumbled down my cheeks.

“OK” I whispered.

“Love you, see you soon” he said and ended the call. I stood, glancing around me for a minute, the houses on either side of the street all looking vacant this weekday afternoon. Most of the driveways were car free, and I felt very alone. Lyle was probably right, though - it probably had been me. I’d become a bit fixated on the door, it wasn’t too out there to imagine myself opening it and peering outside during one of my weird “spells”. I turned around and headed back to the house.

When Lyle got home late yesterday afternoon I was napping in our bed, Nancy curled on my chest. The headache that had indeed come on full force by the time I’d locked both doors had abated a bit, but still lingered on the right side where my injury had been. Lyle sat on the bed beside me and smoothed my hair from my eyes.

“Hungry?” he asked, “I brought thai home. I got a bottle of wine too, if you want a glass.”

“Sounds good” I replied, easing an unimpressed Nancy off of my chest and slowly swinging my legs out of bed. “I’ll be out in a second.” Lyle stopped in the doorway and turned back to face me.

“You were still too nervous, huh?” I shook my head at him, perplexed. “The door, babe. I know you were a bit freaked, but you should have run down and closed it. It’s not safe to sleep with an open door.” He turned and walked into the kitchen.

The evening found us wandering the aisles of Home Depot after a lengthy argument in which I swore I had closed and locked the basement door before lying down, while Lyle shook his head and muttered his concerns about my memory problems. After conceding that it wasn’t my fault, that all of this was much more frustrating and life affecting for me than it was for him, we decided to at least stop the basement door from being a problem going forward. We bought an automatic closing hinge for the door, as well as an expensive bluetooth activated deadbolt that could only be opened with either the traditional key or key fob that it came with, both of which we agreed Lyle would keep, or with an app on our phones which we set so that it would automatically lock again once the door closed, as well as sending an alert to both of our phones any time the lock was triggered open. I felt much more relaxed late last night when Lyle had finally finished installing and setting up our new back door security. We sat in bed drinking red wine and watching funny videos on YouTube for a while before turning in and I felt much better than I had in days.

“So what did the doc say about your vision? We didn’t even talk about your appointment.” I put my empty glass on my bedside table and leaned my head on Lyle’s shoulder as a man on the laptop screen punched a moving bush that suddenly charged towards him.

“She said it’s not that unusual, it’s likely caused by stress and I shouldn’t worry unless they start to look less splotchy or cloudy and appear more real.” Lyle nodded.

“Makes sense that they would be caused by stress, especially if you saw one downstairs by the open door. Poor babe, that’s actually really creepy.” He giggled a little and shivered.

“Uh yeah, it is. It’s really creepy and I don’t really want to think about it now that the door thing is sorted, OK?”

“Right” he said, closing the laptop and leaving the bed to go to our ensuite bathroom to wash up. “There is definitely no creepy door opening ghoul in this house, no ma’am.”

“Definitely not” I agreed and followed him into the bathroom.

Despite feeling much more reassured and at ease last night before bed, I had a terrible nightmare. In my dream I awoke to frigid cold, a breeze was stirring my hair and I sat up to find myself alone in the bed. “Lyle?” I called out, looking towards the dark ensuite. There was no reply and I tried again, “Lyle? Where are you?” My voice seemed to echo in the cold room. A noise startled me, an insectile chirruping sound and I looked over at my flashing phone to see notification after notification of the basement door being opened. “Lyle!” I called again, louder this time. Again there was no reply and I got out of bed, the icy breeze wrapping around my bare ankles as I crept from the bedroom. There was another sound, a beeping noise, not from my phone but from downstairs. I peered around the dark living room, startling at the shadowy shapes that disappeared from my vision as soon as I looked at them full on. They seemed to be everywhere. I hurried to the basement stairs and stood at the top looking down, the stairway lined on either side by shuddering, blurred, vaguely human shapes. Lyle stood at the basement door, fob in hand, unlocking the deadbolt with a beep and opening and closing the door over and over with his back to me. “Lyle, stop!” I shouted. He froze for a moment at the sound of my voice, then opened the door as wide as he could and stepped into the dark opening before turning to look back at me, eyes bulging, a huge, silent scream twisting and contorting his features. I stared at him in mute horror, then screamed as he was suddenly and violently pulled away into the night and the door slammed noisily shut.

The phone woke me this morning.

“Hey” I answered, groggily.

“Hey, how are you feeling? You sure were tossing and turning last night” Lyle said, clearly from around a cup of coffee.

“I had a really bad dream” I told him, closing my eyes against an incoming migraine and trying not to recall the way his face had looked at the end of my nightmare.

“Yeah I could tell, I could hardly even shake you out of it. What are your plans for today? You should try to get out of the house, do something fun.” I laughed without humour.

“Honestly it’s looking like a T3 morning for me, I’m going to try to eat something quickly so the pill doesn’t kill my stomach.” A shadow figure flickered in the doorway at the corner of my vision. “Shadow guys are showing up early today” I said quietly, wincing as I sat up in bed. “Probably not a good sign.”

“Shit. I’m sorry babe. Ok, well, I mean at least you don’t have to worry about that stupid door, right? That’s something. Tell me if you want me to bring anything home, ok?”

“K, thanks. I’ll see you later.” I disconnected before another of his sweet words could drill into my already hammering brain.

After forcing myself to meticulously chew and swallow a piece of buttered toast I chased my little white pill with a sip of ginger tea and took my mug out onto the front steps for a bit of fresh air. The cool breeze helped a bit to lessen my encroaching nausea and I closed my eyes, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth for a few minutes and trying to will the pain away. The pill was kicking in and I could feel the migraine beginning to loosen its grip and decided to go lay down on the couch for a bit.

Well, according to the clock that was more than twelve hours ago. I somehow slept through the entire day and don’t even remember dreaming at all. I hope that, maybe, that means that I’m dreaming right now. Because Lyle should have been home hours ago, but the house is dark, and cold, and my phone is showing that the basement door has been unlocked thirty-two times tonight. The shadows have formed a flickering corridor, two rows of vague figures leading from where I am on the couch to the top of the basement stairs, they appear to be swaying in the wind that blows up into the living room. I can hear the door down there, beeping unlocked, opening, closing. Maybe, hopefully, if I just lay here with my eyes closed I’ll eventually wake up, because I know what I’ll see if I look down those stairs, and I don’t think I could stand it again...

[aurimeanswind]

Sleepcasting—Sunday Chats (7-30-17)

I’ve had quite the week. From my rant on Superman, to a late podcast, to people throwing things at my car and damaging it while I was driving, to my car then breaking down in the middle of an intersection (unrelated at a separate time) to running late on Friday to not sleeping on Saturday, it’s been a week y’all.

So let’s start the new week with some positivity. 

Planned Idea

I couldn’t think of anything to do my write up about this week, but I had an idea that I’ll write here for my frequent chatters. It’s one I’ve been bouncing around for a couple of weeks now, but I think next week will be a good time to execute on it. 

I want to make Sunday Chats more interactive for the reader, so my plan is to essentially turn my question-soliciting tweet into a question itself, and have folks answer it in place of their questions for next week’s Sunday Chats. This way, maybe we’ll be able to have a bit of back and forth about some topic or another. It’ll probably be a question that’s both difficult to boil down to 140 characters but also difficult to answer in 140 characters, but I like the idea of keeping the generally pretty short.

I think for my frequent chatters or chat-readers, it’s good to give the warning and give you an idea of what I’m looking for. I’d love for everyone to come out and participate for the first showing, so if you’re interested, let me know! I’ll try and think of a good question to ask, and that way we can get some other folks’ opinions heard on Sunday Chats too!

My Twitter is @ALFighter27, so give me a follow there if you don’t already, and look for my tweet with the question and the hashtag $SundayChats in it next Sunday afternoon!

What I’ve Been Working On

I dont’ have much of an update here, and the only reason I stopped doing the day-by-day updates on my writings is because a lot of them have bled into scripts that I don’t quite want to talk about yet.

I wrote up a Destiny 2 piece this week that generally sums up why I’m excited about the sequel, but I need to polish it a lot so I’m not sure if it’ll be at all relevant in time for me to post it. I also have been working on some teen-related ideas, about teen video games and movies, but I don’t know if that’s a cohesive thought quite yet.

Oh and I’m writing about Overwatch again.

What’s on Tap

Sundered

The new game from Thunder Lotus that just came out this week!

I’ve played it a good deal at events so I knew I’d probably dig it, but it’s rad to see it in motion in person.

It is a procedurally generated Metroidvania, and the way they pull that off is by having some areas be static, and the pathways there be generated.

It’s hidden well, and since it’s using tile sets, it’s pretty easy to navigate still, but fun to mix things up with every life.

I have a lot to say about the game only being 2 hours in, so I’m excited to hopefully eventually review it.

Nier

I don’t have much to add here only that I am still enjoying Nier!

Owl Boy

So I finally got the chance to boot into Owl Boy, one of the many indie darlings from last year.

It’s very interesting. The idea of it being kind of twin-stick shootery when your character, Otus, is carrying a companion, is a really novel idea. I like how it’s executed.

Essentially Otus is a fuck up, and everyone makes him feel bad about it, and it’s not super great at anything really. And it’s sad, and I’m curious to see what they do with it and where they go with it.

It’s gorgeous too! Great sprites and artwork!

Furi

I picked this one back up on a whim, and Furi is still a great, unique, and fascinating video game.

I beat the boss I was stuck on, proceeded to beat the two bosses following it, and then got stuck on truly the final, final boss.

It’s still not perfect, or as tight as it could be, but every time I come back to Furi I remember how great and special it is.

Overwatch

DOOMFIST.

I played a ton of Overwatch this week, and I’m not sure if I’m just getting worse at it or if everyone else in the world is getting better.

Personally I’d put money on the latter, but WHO KNOWS FOR SURE.

Doomfist is very cool. It really is an “aggression rewards with opportunity” kind of character, which I also find to be super true to his personality, something this is far from true with many of the Overwatch characters I think.

He almost feels like a Bloodborne style character, in his execution, because attacks with his fist basically generate him more health.

All of his abilities can combo into one another, and he can just get in and out of any fight so quickly. I’m fascinated to see how he mixes up the meta of competitive play when he launches in competitive next week.

I can see a lot of general strategies failing in the face of his quaking fist, and that’s very exciting.

I PLAYED A LOT OF VIDEO GAMES THIS WEEK!

I also 103%’d Crash Warped but no one cares about that.

Questions!

As always you can find my tweet on Sunday afternoons with #SundayChats in it and reply with your question. I’ll answer. I promise!

Hell yes I am! I wish I was watching this week’s episode right now instead of writing this stupid fu—

I mean...

Well yeah, it’s pretty great. I’ve only watched the show, and it’s just super exciting to see long-running characters on screen together meeting and planning and interacting. I have a feeling some meetings may be happening in this week’s episode too...

But yeah, it’s weird too, because it’s almost swung around to being a bit too upbeat? But what characters do you have left to kill really? Unless you really want to tear things down, which I think they’ll do, but you have to save that for the dramatic pivots toward the end I think.

**update: I went and watched the episode mid write up, and it was very good.

Uhg. So I have given this a great deal of thought, or at least I did when me and my friends all got together and watched The Human Centipede on the night of our high school graduation (yeah, real celebratory, I know). 

Here’s the deal. The A is the best spot, obviously. The B is actually the worst, because you have the least control, and then C is second worst, since you do still have some control.

Everyone wants to be an A. We all do, right? We all wanna be As. It’s what we fucking live for.

But I know my place. I know I’d be a B. And no, I’m not fucking happy about it, but I’m a B.

Look at me.

I’m a B.

I know what I am.

I accept who I am for whom I may B.

Aww, thank you Xyger. <3 Love and miss you too man.

Good god Roger.

I mean like, could typing normal get worked into your schtick at some point at least? Like maybe this Sunday Chats character you’re playing get’s hit on the head and learns to type correctly?

I also live in Maryland, and while MA and MD are next to each other on the state listing, I’m just disappointed in you for making this awful joke.

I’d love to come snuggle though, fr fr, come hmu.

Context:

on the BrOC Season 2 Episode 2, I told a story about how we had to get bathroom attendants at my high school because people were having masturbation contests in the bathroom.

How a masturbation contest works... well, I don’t know. But hear the full story on the upcoming episode of the podcast!

Pokémon is a great thing to think about, for sure. 

I mean Charizard. Duh. But I have a few favorites. Charizard is just my favorite form the OG, so he has held up as my favorite to today. He’s a dragon. That’s pretty sweet.

I also love Lucario. He has a great Pokémon movie, and I think he is a real rad Pokémon to have in your team, especially given his unique abilities.

For a bonus freebie, my favorite Pokémon GAME is Pokémon Black. It’s the only game outside the original that recaptures the magic of the original without feeling old and outdated. Essentially in your initial run of the game, you only see and fight the new 150 Pokémon from the Black and White generation, meaning it’s all new Pokémon, and only new Pokémon, just like Red and Blue. It’s such a cool idea, and I wish every new Pokémon game was like that. 

My first desire was to be a photographer. I still love taking pictures. 

Then I was pretty set on being a doctor. I really wanted to help people. I’ll say now that I’ve discovered that school isn’t for me, that probably will never be my other choice in my head, which is a bummer. School is just terrible IMO. At least, it can be.

The one I keep coming back to or would be into is voice acting. I know that’s still video games adjacent, so if it’s okay if we include non-games-coverage, that’s what I mean. In games, anime, audiobooks, etc.

I’d like to hope I have an okay voice, though I’m not so sure after my recent Hamilton singing situation, but I think that’d be really fun. I love doing fun and varied voices!

Ahh good because this is a good question!

So my go to Patronus answer is a wolf, since i think it encompasses both the loner mentality in me but also the leader mentality in me *cough cough EGO cough*. But in the context of what would my Animagus be? Like, they can’t BOTH be wolf, that’s dumb, so let me think....

Hrm...

For non-Happy Potter nuts, one, get your shit together, and two, a Patronus is your literal spirit animal or guardian, and an Animagus is the animal you can shift your body into at will.

Weirdly I think my Animagus would be an owl. They’re wise, nocturnal, and have a piercing stare. I think it fits up. I could totally see the physical character similarities in the eyes too.

What do you think Brandon? Ooh, and tell me yours on Twitter too!

Two characters:

Ellie, because of her mix of optimism, pessimism, altruism, and just genuine honesty.

And Rise Kujikawa, because of her struggle to find and understand herself, what she wants out of life, and what brings her happiness. That confusion of all the different parts of yourself is something I struggled, and still struggle a lot with.

Plus I’m totally just an anime pop star cutie girl on the inside and we all know it.

For reference, here is the video, which I just watched, and you should too:

This is a tricky thing. The idea, to summarize, is creating video content and not getting any views, or any listens, or clicks, etc. It’s tricky because it’s a thing that happens to me and I still struggle with, and I have a lot of feelings on too.

I’ll say this, I used to get way more frustrated about making video content that got no views, or podcasts that would get no downloads, or reviews that no one would read. It sucks. You pour your heart into something for creation, for content, for it to be out there, and then nothing comes of it, at least for you. I’ve changed my perspective a lot over the last few years, and it’s odd, because only more recently, specifically the last two years or so, has any of the stuff I’ve made really garnered any significant attention. 

By significant attention, we’re still talking like tens of people also, so I don’t mean break out roles.

I make stuff for me. I make stuff for me to have made, to have had fun making, to have most importantly learned while making, and to apply into the next thing I make which will, ideally, be better. And I’m hoping that the best thing I make will do better, and then the best thing I make after that will do even better, but that’s no longer the goal. The goal, is for me to be better, not for the thing to be popular.

It’s not always that easy, and I try not to think about it. It makes it daunting to start new projects, because it’s like a thing I have to make from scratch, and it’s a whole new thing, and I’ll put in all this work, and what if it doesn’t pick up enough attachment to be worth it? It’s a thing you struggle with, but I do something everyday in the hopes of getting better. That’s just always been my thing.

I know people will read my reviews, or listen to my podcasts, because they’re a part of my portfolio, and I’m going to use them to try and get a job some day, and those people I send them to will read/listen/watch them, and at the end of the day, if I spent that time doing it, and doing it right, and making it good, then when I do get that one view, it’ll matter a whole lot more.

So there is my glass half full perspective on the whole thing.

I did actually know about the whole eight pound head thing. I learned it in an anatomy class.

I can’t show you the money one, because I don’t care physical cash because why would you? And two, I didn’t “k ow” I had you at hello, but it’s a good thing to know.

I don’t dream often, and when I do it’s typically nightmarish, or nightmare adjacent.

I had this one really awful dream when I was super young where I was in this cabin in the woods, and these borg-like aliens came and attacked me and my family and were like, “turned”. Now that I think about it, it was really just like, straight up the borg I think.

Anyway, everyone but my mom had been corrupted, and I ran through the woods, and I was so terrified, and then I saw my mother in like a glowing searchlight, and when I got close, I saw that she had finally been corrupted too. And when I saw that, I just remember the feeling of hope draining from me, and I gave up. I let them take me and turn me too, essentially killing me, and I woke up in a cold sweat.

I had this dream when I was maybe five or six years old, and I still remember it vividly. It was the first nightmare I remember having, and it was awful.

Haha, so that’s maybe a bummer-ish answer, but that’s the one that sticks out to me.

I’m doing alright. I am surprisingly tired, which I’m usually not on Sundays, but I’ve had a pretty exhausting week. I’m fine though. 

Assuming you know about this secret project launching soon, you may know more than even I do. I’m very excited about it. See below for more info!

There are definitely a few. It’s worth noting that I have never once considered myself a video games journalist. I am not a journalist. I am not a reporter nor an investigator. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the potential to be one some day, and I’d love to do some investigative reporting at some point, but I have yet to.

For me, Patrick Klepek. Times 1000000. Back in the day when he broke the Infinity Ward story, that was the first time I realized what a video games journalist really was and looked like. And consistently Patrick has reported on some of the most interesting and thought provoking stories to date. That Xbox One policy reversal was such a massive scoop, and it’s one of this console generations highlights by far, on the journalistic end of things, done by Patrick Klepek at GiantBomb.com.

In extension of that, Austin Walker is a huge influence for me. The dude not only is my spirit animal when it comes to sending very nice emails about how I can improve my freelance writing, but is also a great journalist as well. I believe he was the first to break the PS4 Pro story for GiantBomb, but I know him and Klepek broke the story around the same time.

Jason Schreier is obviously another huge one, but I’ve read the least of his work. I just don’t have the most exposure there, but he is breaking delays left and right.

There is definitely more room for actual, genuine journalism in video games, and I hope it evolves to that.

If we wanna talk about just games writers, I’d be remiss not to mention Cara Ellison, who is my favorite writer in the gaming space, who now writes games instead of writes about them, but she is supremely talented, and is probably just my favorite writer in general. Full stop. She is incredible, and you should go dig up some of her old pieces. Might I suggest this one:

http://www.pcgamer.com/old-friends-an-ode-to-defence-of-the-ancients/

**UPDATE:

I missed this! I’m sorry Trevor, I pulled the tweets differently this time because I was really tired, but no question left behind! I’m sorry!!

**

This is a great question! It’s hard to pin down, but easily one of them was picking Roger Pokorny up from the airport with Barrett and Alyssa, and then the car ride back was super fun, cracking wise, bonding, getting to see Roger and Barrett hang out for the first time. That whole week in the apartment with them boys was a blast, and I miss them all very much.

One of my favorite moments was this time I got to see Trevor Starkey and hug him and do fun cool press stuff at PAX East with him. I miss that boy.

<3

I’d make Spelunky 2.

No but seriously, Derek Yu. Please fucking make Spelunky 2. I need it.

I’d probably make a game like Breath of the Wild, open “air” adventure game, where exploration is key and critical to gameplay. There’d be a social link system in the game with really great characters that can interact with each other. And I’d want there to be some kind of Metroidvania progression system if I could work it in. The problem is what works for Breath of the Wild is the fact that anything can be done at any time, and a Metroidvania progression system would directly contradict that. Hrm.

Also, how crazy is it that I’m saying with an infinite budget I’d make an open world game? Because before Breath of the Wild I’d have never said that in a million years. But that game changed a whole lot for me.

You’ve made a great choice.

Jurge Cruz and I actually had a great conversation about Tales of Berseria on ep. 337 of Irrational Passions Podcast. You should listen to that segment if you get the chance! I think you’ll like this one, though you’ll definitely hit some cringe-y anime parts. 

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

This is just ridiculous. Though I do appreciate the positivity. My hair has been a mess all week though. Especially today. And I haven’t been shaving as much and it’s becoming a real problem.

See, me right now, while writing this:

The Checklist

I didn’t really consume a lot of cool stuff this week, but here are some things to keep an eye out for.

I’m going to be on Quinten Hoffman’s podcast, Break in Reality, this coming Tuesday night with my good bud Andrew Taylor. We’ll be talking about what we think will be Game of the Year, so I’m excited to tell those two fuckers they’re wrong about whatever they think it’ll be.

There is also a super exciting new show coming to IrrationalPassions.com THIS WEEK! Ahh, I just got word that it’ll be up tomorrow at 9am eastern daylight time! I’M SO EXCITED.

I’d tell you what it is, but it isn’t my announcement to make, so be excited!

The next two episode of my OC Rewatch Podcast, The BrOC, are fucking bangers. I don’t want to spoil them, but goddamn. They’re very good.

Movies with Mikey - Guardians of the Galaxy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjwzCrtK5G0&t=632s

Movies with Mikey is probably the best film-related show I’ve ever seen, and I’m super thankful to Barrett Courtney for turning me onto it. This episode is quite good, and made for a good view on my lunch today. 

Kingdom Heartache Episode 1: https://www.giantbomb.com/videos/kingdom-heartache-episode-01/2300-12407/

Though I have yet to watch this, I’m endlessly excited about this Giantbomb play through of Kingdom Hearts. I love the series, and I’m sure they’ll shit on it a ton while they play it, but I also know it’ll be very funny, partly earned, and there is just the slightest chance that they come out the other end with an appreciation for what’s there.

Fingers crossed.

That’s it. I need to relax, go watch Game of Thrones, and probably go to sleep at a reasonable time maybe.

Thanks for keeping it positive this week y’all, and do another thing for me will ya?

[wanderingaunt]

No One Deserves to Disappear

No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away. No one should come and go. And have no one know s/he was ever even here. No one deserves to disappear.

At the beginning of summer, I took a road trip from Dallas to Colorado. I queued up various audiobooks, podcasts, and music to listen to. I got on a Musical kick and listened to some of my favorites (Hamilton, Wicked, Waitress) and some others I hadn’t listened to in full. In the midst of my shuffle, the song “You Will Be Found” came on from the musical Dear Evan Hansen. I had never listened to the soundtrack before and wasn’t familiar with the story. I queued it up and immediately was hooked. I listened to the soundtrack and got a sense of the storyline.

Dear Evan Hansen tells the story of a young man with social anxiety disorder who so yearns to make a connection with his peers that he fabricates a relationship with a deceased student (Connor) to become closer to the boy's family. After Connor commits suicide, shy Evan Hansen finds himself at the center of the tragedy and turmoil. [Source: Stageagent]

The musical is full of emotion and hard truths about being in the shadows and not feeling seen.

There are two songs in particular that struck a chord with me: “Disappear” and “You Will Be Found”. It was a particular time in my journey where I was feeling extremely emotional and lost. I was dealing with my own grief from losing my cousin to cancer, recovering from a breakup, and shedding layers of myself that I’ve been holding onto. I was also processing all of the turmoil happening in this country (and the world) with the pandemic, upcoming election, protests, and heightened discussions of systemic racism after the news that three more Black lives were tragically taken—Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd.

The combination of all of this caused my nervous system to go into overload and an emotional breakdown to ensue. I allowed myself to come undone and feel. I chose to go inward and take a break from social media. I needed to take time for my own reflection on white privilege and racism without the influence of the social media world. I also wanted to take time to have conversations with people in my life about racism and white privilege, and understand how they view it from their lens. I started having Authentic Conversations with People of Color to allow their voices to be heard. I also had the opportunity to hear Black women vulnerably share their hearts and fears while attending various workshops and open forums about dismantling racism.

It’s been a time to listen to understand rather than listen to respond.

I was recently struck by the sharing of a Black woman. She mentioned how she lives in constant fear over her husband or sons being out; the fear that they could be the next Ahmaud Arbery (who was innocently shot by white men while out jogging). I listened as she shared her fears, which are of legitimate concern. She looked at the group of white women and said, “You can’t imagine what it’s like to carry this constant weight.” After she finished sharing, I thanked her and validated her fears. I told her, “No, I can’t imagine what it’s like. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in a world where your voice and your family’s voice don’t matter. I am so sorry that you experience this on a regular basis.”

I believe at the core of being human, we all want to be seen and heard.

It’s scary to be vulnerable and share your fears, concerns, and heart with other people—especially people who don’t have the same skin color as you. And not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. This is why it’s so important to create safe environments where authentic conversations can be had; to create a space where others trust that you are truly listening to what they have to say, and to create a space where the person sharing feels they matter and are fully seen.

No one deserves to disappear.

When I returned from Colorado, I was listening to Dear Evan Hansen again and was struck with a new interpretation of the song ‘Disappear’. In the song, Connor (the character who takes his life) is singing about keeping his memory alive and not allowing his name to disappear. The lyrics stuck with me and made me think of Breonna Taylor whose life was tragically taken in the comfort of her own home.

Breonna was shot more than 8 times by police officers Jon Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove — none of whom have been charged for her murder. They went to the wrong apartment and took another innocent Black woman’s life.

#SayHerName

“If you can somehow keep them thinking of me, And make me more than an abandoned memory. That means we matter too. It means someone will see that you are there.”

— Disappear, Dear Evan Hansen

The August edition of O Magazine features Breonna Taylor on the cover. This is the first time in the history of O Magazine that Oprah has not graced its cover. Oprah gave up the cover to shine the spotlight on Breonna Taylor to share her story and raise awareness for others to #SayHerName. Vanity Fair is also following suit and featuring an edition by author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates to ensure that Breonna’s story does not disappear—and that justice is served.

The #SayHerName campaign launched in December 2014 by the African American Policy Forum (AAPF) and Center for Intersectionality and Social Policy Studies (CISPS), the #SayHerName campaign brings awareness to the often invisible names and stories of Black women and girls who have been victimized by racist police violence and provides support to their families. [source: AAPF]

The #SayHerName campaign is an incredible organization and cause to ensure that the names of the Black women who have died at the hands of police don’t disappear. It’s a space for Mothers who have lost their Daughters to lean on and support each other and let them know that they are not alone. It’s a safe space for these women to connect with one another to be seen and heard in a way that others simply can’t for them. And it’s a space for the names and stories of those women who were killed to be remembered and not become an abandoned memory.

No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away. No one should come and go. And have no one know s/he was ever even here. No one deserves to disappear.

When I was researching information for this blog, I noticed that the producers of Dear Evan Hansen had put out a statement about their stand against Racial Injustice in the world and in the Broadway sector as well as donated $100,000 to the Broadway Advocacy Coalition and Colors of Change. I could see that I was not alone in connecting the essence of these songs to Black Lives Matter.

Songs have a powerful way of connecting us to things that matter. While my love for musicals and music is great, it’s the words within the heartbeat of the song that connects me to the bigger picture. Even though this musical is about something completely unrelated to Breonna Taylor, #SayHerName, and Black Lives Matter, it caused me to connect its essence to these causes.

As we continue to navigate conversations and take inspired, radical actions around dismantling racism, I invite you to find your voice. For some of you, that may be going out on the front lines and being among the protests or providing resources for those fighting; some of you may be having difficult conversations with family and friends about racism and white privilege; some of you are providing safe spaces for men and women of color to be seen and heard; some of you are doing your own internal work to presence yourself to your own white privilege and race story; and some of you are using your voice as a writer to share wisdom, knowledge, and insight. There is no one size fits all. What matters is we each find our voice and use it for good.

"We have to decide it’s our problem not someone else’s problem. We have to take action and not just surface action to look good. Take action that creates and empowers change. "  -- Rachel Rodgers

Resources mentioned in this post:

Dear Evan Hansen Broadway Musical

O Magazine: Why Oprah Gave Up Her Cover for the First Time Ever to Honor Breonna Taylor

LA Times: Breonna Taylor appears on cover of Vanity Fair issue edited by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Vanity Fair: The Life Breonna Taylor Lived, In the Words of Her Mother

Vanity Fair: The Great Fire Issue Guest Edited by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Breonna Taylor Portrait Painted by Artist, Amy Sherald

#SayHerName Campaign: The African American Policy Forum (AAPF)

Broadway Advocacy Coalition

Colors of Change

Black Lives Matter

If you’re interested in holding a safe space for the women in your life to be seen, heard, and held, host a Girl’s Night Inward. These virtual gatherings are a beautiful way to hold space for other women in the comfort of your own homes. Reach out to see how a Girl’s Night Inward can create a space for all to share their voice and receive messages of inspiration and hope.

[kkoehn17]

A lot has changed since we were last here! For one thing, I’m 29 now. And while I can’t list this age as a “favorite” quite yet, I do have a good feeling about it.

Speaking of good feelings, I found a bunch of things over the last couple months that gave me all the good feelings.

Wow. What a transition, am I right? Told you 29 looks good on me.

.

Podcasts

I was first introduced to the Try Guys when they were part of Buzzfeed, and I’ve loved their brand ever since. At their core, they are a group of friends who simply try stuff and make you want to do the same. You can check out their videos here, but I’d also recommend their podcast, The Trypod, which is an easy, lighthearted listen. It makes you feel like you’re sitting around in your living room talking to your friends.

The Clearing is a posthumous account of the life of Edward Wayne Edwards, a serial killer and all-around terrible human whose daughter put the pieces of his crimes together and brought at least a few of his victims and their families justice. The narrator has a very monotone voice, but I think it adds to the nature of the subject. I was hooked and frustrated the entire time.

.

Books

After reading a loving Rachel Hollis’ first book, Girl, Wash Your Face, I was over the moon for her second one and preordered it. But then, life caught up with me and that poor book sat on my bedside table for months before I finally opened it. Once I did however, I was IN. It’s a great book for anyone looking for some fire under their feet and it gives great advice for how you can go about making your dreams a reality.

In another example of poor planning + a chaotic schedule, I received the The Silent Patient audiobook from the library and waited too long to start it. By the time I did, my loan was ending and I was freaking out trying to finish it and when I didn’t make it, I had to wait three miserable weeks until it was available again. It follows Alicia Berenson, a woman convicted of murdering her husband and then refusing to speak in any capacity, and Theo Faber, a criminal psychotherapist who is determined to figure out why. It takes a lot of twists and turns and I especially recommend the audiobook because the reader was great!

.

TV Shows

I realize that I am WAY behind the times on this one, so I probably don’t have to do much of an introduction on what Dexter is, but I am glad I finally made the time to start it. I am officially hooked and if you need me I’ll be sitting in a state of conflict over being worried about and emotionally attached to a serial killer.

Stranger Things is another one that doesn’t need much of an introduction. I had been patiently waiting for the third season and when it finally arrived I watched it so fast I have been considering rewatching it because I think I blacked out. In a good way.

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Music

If I’m being honest, A LOT of music has been put on the back burner since Taylor Swift released Lover in August. It is SO GOOD, y’all. So while I’d obviously recommend that first, there is a bunch of other great music that I found over the last two months.

For albums, I’d recommend Tori Kelly’s Inspired by True Events, and Machine Gun Kelly’s Hotel Diablo. They could not be more different (aside from them both having Kelly in their name) and it’s almost comical to recommend them side by side, but such is my brain. It has a lot of different moods and these two do it for me.

Then, in continuing a new tradition of recommending individual songs, here are 10 that I think you should check out:

1) I Don’t Want Your Money by Ed Sheeran (featuring H.E.R.)

2) Painkiller by Ruel

3) Put it to Bed by JHART

4) All For Us by Labrinth & Zendaya

5) What Could’ve Been by Gone West

6) Tell When it’s Over by Shery Crow & Chris Stapleton

7) Someday Soon by Wilder Woods

8) Love is Love by Grace Potter

9) Rooting for You by Alessia Cara

10) Crowded Table by The Highwomen

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This Arm/Back Workout

I have been getting into weight training over the last couple months and so I’ve been doing research on different sequences that can work out specific parts of my body. I found this one on Pinterest and it’s been great at working out my arms and back. It makes me feel strong and, unless I’m seeing things, I actually might look stronger too. Take care with these guns, y’all.

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Low Cow Ice Cream Bars

And last but DEFINITELY not least, these! It’s hard to be completely in love with ice cream AND want to eat healthy. So it’s safe to say that when I found these, which are low in sugar, high in protein and absolutely delicious I gave them priority status on my grocery list. My favorite flavor is the Salted Caramel, but they also offer Fudge and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip.

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And that just about does it for July & August!

Have anything you’ve been loving over these last couple months? Let me know! My Amazon cart is always open…

See my previous favorites post here.

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Also, don’t forget to check out the fundraiser I’m doing in the month of September to benefit Childhood Cancer.  Anything helps! 

July/August Favorites A lot has changed since we were last here! For one thing, I’m 29 now. And while I can’t list this age as a “favorite” quite yet, I do have a good feeling about it.

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasReads: Spice & Wolf

I so rarely do books.

Well, guess I did the entire Harry Potter series recently.

Point is, I’m not a voracious reader. I read, sure, but at a leisurely pace, reading bits and pieces before bed. It usually takes me about a month or more to get through a book because life gets busy, I have many interests, and it’s hard to multitask while reading.[1] Books also tend to be such a time commitment for me that I have really high standards.

What this means is it took me about seven years to crawl through the Spice & Wolf light novel series. Why did I do this? Well, I read almost the entirety of the Discworld series,[2] and I liked the anime, so might as well.

So I spent a few years alternating in and out of the series with abandon. It never really grabbed me fully at any point, but it served as a decent “Ugh, need a new book. Might as well” series. Now that I’ve read the initial 17 volumes, the time has come to ask “Do I read the Spring Logs and Wolf & Parchment, or is it time to let go?”

Great question, myself. You brillant, handsome bearded man you.

A big criticism you should know going in is that the actual writing is… not great on a technical level.

I don’t know if this is the case with the original Japanese text (which may have a different set of writing rules than the West) or the translation (because translation gets more difficult with more text) or a mixture, but the writing in the books is boring and sometimes confusing.

A big stumbling block is the lack of clear dialogue tags. When Lawrence and Holo start conversing, it’s easy to lose track of who says what because often lines of dialogue get entire paragraphs to themselves, then there’s a line of action, then a line of dialogue that’s unattributed. And, unlike in the Dub of the Spice & Wolf anime, Holo’s antiquated style of speech is not played up nearly as much, and there isn’t as much difference in word usage to distinguish between our leads.

Then they pick up some random kid named Col in volume 6, and suddenly it’s that’s much harder to track.

To be fair, writing unique voices can be very, very difficult, and I’m not even sure I could claim to have mastered it, since I’m too close to my own works to judge fairly.

The issue compounds with the books’ tendency to tell over showing (such as Holo’s much lauded wisdom, despite spending most of the series sitting about stubbornly waiting for Lawrence to solve the issue, before jumping in saying she knew so all along!) and also leaving a lot of details vaguely implied (such as the status of Lawrence and Holo’s relationship at any given time).

Leaving things unexplained and for the audience to figure out is fine, as long as the writer either explains themselves eventually (giving the solution to a mystery plot) or doesn’t require deciphering the meaning to understand the plot (as is the case with most secondary romance plots).

Spice & Wolf however seems to have a tendency to just assume the reader’s following in lock step with its various implication and winks, then proceeds forward without clarity. Which is pretty frustrating when half the book is about Medieval Economics and key concepts only get a very meager explanation.

Again, I don’t know if this because the original Japanese text was vague in parts, or if the translation did a poor job of elaborating on meaning and subtext that may have been inherent to the Japanese.

Then there’s the overuse of passive voice, which I know I can blame of the translator.

The passive voice is a technique that can help you reach your goal, provided that your goal is to have your writing be deprived of excitement and motion. It’s a sentence written in such a way where nouns have verbs occur to them rather than nouns performing verbs.  Basically, if the sentence sounds like an exaggerated police report, it’s probably written in a passive voice. It deprives the characters of ownership.

It took me several books to actually catch on that passive voice was to blame for how unexciting it felt to read.

But enough with my uncharacteristic dive into actual literary form and function! What about the actual story?

It was serviceable. On the whole, the anime adaption was a better experience, since that included a level of visual excitement that riding around in Lawrence’s head doesn’t afford. The actual economic hijinks had the potential to be interesting, but could be hard to follow without visual aids.

The anime adapted Books One through Three, skipped Four, and then adapted the fifth book. Besides some brief world details and a few changes, the anime did a good job of covering the stories.

The fourth volume, however, is probably my favorite story, since it did a good job of utilizing its low fantasy setting, working the medieval economics and socio-political environment into a plot, and actually acting upon Holo’s vaguely defined capabilities (it’s the only time she does anything related to being a harvest goddess).

In fact, unlike in the anime, the biggest drain on the narrative is Kraft Lawrence. In the anime, Lawrence is an everyman with a level of charm and knowledge, while book Lawrence is overly plain and becomes increasingly passive as the books go on. He takes risks less readily, and is just boring.

The extended cast is filled with interesting characters and hidden histories, all of who could carry a story of their own, and our protagonist is a guy moseying along, vaguely wants to own a store, but doesn’t actually pursue the goal with any vigor.

Even Holo, a literal deity trying to find her homeland from centuries ago, is slow to action.

Often throughout the series both will reflect melancholically on how they can’t journey together forever, and they’re both acutely aware of their growing affections, but they never commit to any certain course of action. For a dozen plus volumes, they go vaguely north, sometimes arguing, but such conflicts spawn from Holo being a ‘Mysterious Woman’.

Holo’s been around for ages, and is actually living through a period of decline for her ilk (pagan gods), but she never talks about it, and the narrative never explores it. There is fertile ground in Holo’s being, but nothing grows.

The protagonists are complacent, and the excitement usually comes from a third party. A miller and his priest girlfriend feeling alienated from their community. A Sheep god turned shepherd. A merchant guild attempting to build a town without the backing of noble blood, but with economic bedrock.

All along, Lawrence is wobbling back and forth asking if he should do something about anything.

Then he plays a relatively minor role in the resolutions, and rides on.

Even the introduction of Col to the merchant’s wagon doesn’t really add anything. He’s just kind of there, sometimes making dialogue a little more confusing.

The best stories are the short ones where neither Lawrence nor Holo appear, but instead develop the backstories of those they encounter.

There’s a story in one of the Side Colors volumes that actually shows how Eve became the ruthless merchant we meet in Volume 5. It’s pretty cool.

Then, when she appears in a later story (after Lawrence and Holo somehow manage to backpedal into going south), Lawrence treats the woman who conned and stabbed him with relative indifference.

There’s also two stories following Norah (the shepherd girl from Volume 2) told in first person perspective of her dog Enek.

They’re charming and I really want to steal the conceit for myself at some point.

The strengths of the anime and the books themselves are an interesting dichotomy. The anime finds strength in its characters and the relationship of the leads, with some economic lectures mixed in. The books, meanwhile, really thrive with the world it builds. With some economic lessons built in.

The nameless world of Spice & Wolf is clearly in the middle of change. The power of a monotheistic church is on the rise, pagan gods are diminishing and either disappearing or finding new jobs,[3] and there’s even a subtle shift in how economies function and hints of the inevitable rise of paper money.

Times are a changing, but it’s on the edges of the story, never full addressed but still lending a weight to the proceedings.

It’s a good setting, and would make good inspirations for a RPG setting. There’s something exciting about the concept of gods who’ve already lost a culture war they didn’t know was occuring. They’re living relics hiding in the fringes of society, even those trying to maintain some power in the new world order finding the earth shifting out from beneath of their feet at inopportune moments.

In short, I found the books inspiring if not particularly good. There’s plenty of ideas I would love to steal and run with, whether in my own fictions or collaborative works.[4]

As for if I’ll be reading the continuation… I might as well, I suppose. The stronger volumes are the vignette collections, which Spring Log promises to be, and I am rather fond of next generation stories, so seeing how Lawrence and Holo’s offspring turns out is a inviting concept.

However, she’s being teamed up with Col, who was a weakly written character in this original run of stories, and I’ve often talked of my dislike of large age differences in romantic pairings, so if Wolf & Parchment heads in that direction, I’ll probably jump ship in short order.

Well, this has been a rambling… review, I guess? New job had me out of sorts for a while, so I apologize if my writing’s ended up below my usual standards. I’ll try to shape back up.

If you wish to support me, considering checking out my other works, send me comments or questions, or even giving a few dollars to my patreon. Money brings me closer to my dream of… not having to be on the frontline against the general public.

Gall, do I hate customer service…

Kataal kataal.

[1] Audiobooks are expensive, and I have podcasts to listen to besides. [2] Still have to find and read Science of Discworld. Been reluctant because, well, science is the one subject that neither interests me nor am I good at. [3] An interesting parallel to the Discworld, especially Small Gods and Hogfather. Also Thief of Time I suppose… [4] Ryuutama, in particular, seems like a good fit for adapting Spice & Wolf plots for the table.

[doxampage]

Meet the Shapies: Steven Gonzalez

Meet the Shapies introduces the people behind the 3D printing processes that bring your favorite products to life. This time, get to know Steven Gonzalez, a 3D printing engineer in New York who works tirelessly to fabricate your Black High Definition Acrylic creations.

Here, Steven tells us about his own podcast and maker channel, and his impressive career in the 3D printing industry.

Where is your hometown? My hometown is New York — born and raised in Brooklyn!

How long have you been with Shapeways? I have been with Shapeways almost two years now. Time flies!

How long have you been 3D printing? 3D printing has been a part of my life for a long time now, maybe six or seven years, non-stop. I started working in this field by chance; I was right out of school, working in a supermarket with my brother, and was really unhappy with the way my life was turning out. I was doing back-breaking work until a friend working at a desktop 3D printing company encouraged me to apply for a job there. I had no idea this would spark a career and a passion for making things. When I eventually came across a job 3D printing with Shapeways, I was very excited because I had purchased from them before and couldn’t wait to dive into a bigger pond of challenges.

What is your favorite 3D printed object ever? Favorite 3D printed object ever? No way I can just pick one! I have printed so many things in my time in the field. I have done collaborations with some of the biggest names in pop culture. After building my first machine and seeing a small part printed, my goal was always to answer the question how big can we print? I always said I wanted to print things over 6 feet! When I first got into 3D printing, it was not a thing to print that massive. One of my most recent print jobs was a 3-foot mace prop weapon from World of Warcraft. I definitely love making props for display or other people’s cosplay.

Want to see how we made that portal gun and enter for a chance to win a 3d printed plumbus? Here’s how! 1-subscribe to YouTube/thesupermakerbros 2-leave your best Rick and Morty line in the comments of Ricks old portal gun video!  We will pick the best one and DM you! Good luck and enjoy the video! Show us what you gottt!  #3dprinting #rickandmorty #plumbus#supermakerbros #3dprints#ricksportalgun #wubbalubbadubdub#peaceamongworlds #showmewhatyougot#craftyourfandom #adultswim #giveaway #youtubers #youtuber #dyi #maker

A post shared by Steven Gonzalez (@thesupermakerbros) on Aug 3, 2017 at 5:32pm PDT

If you could 3D print something in any material, currently possible or not, what would you pick and why? I have seen a bunch of materials I would not mind tackling, as well as some giant printers I would like to try! Recently, I’ve really wanted to go in a different direction than what I was used to. I am used to materials that print quickly and require post-processing to look amazing, but I was not used to materials that come out of the machine amazing. So, when I came to Shapeways, I really wanted to work with High Definition materials, and that is where I currently am. 

How do you spend your time when you’re not bringing our community’s 3D printed vision to life? This makes me chuckle because when I’m not bringing the community’s 3D printed vision to life, I am probably bringing my own visions to life. I am very fortunate to be able to do a ton of creative things that I love to do, with the people I love. I podcast with my brother and best friend every week and its truly one of my favorite parts of the week. I also work on YouTube with my brother where we show people how to make some of these expensive props or replicas on the cheap. I spend most of my time with the love of my life, Jamie, and I am blessed to have a group of friends I grew up with that I admire and who believe in the dreams I have, no matter how crazy they seem to most. Oh yeah, and I watch a ton of Batman — the 1966 TV show. Holy lame hobbies Batman!

What’s the most exciting thing you’ve learned about 3D printing in your time at Shapeways? The most exciting thing I’ve learned about 3D printing at Shapeways is more of an evolution; I’ve developed a real passion for quality in a product. Shapeways has so many materials, the knowledge and possibilities are endless. Working on one of the best teams of any 3D printing company is a bonus. Shapeways taught me a world beyond the materials and machines I was used too. Learning new programs,machines and materials is AWESOME! Being able to speak directly to the community is great as well.

What’s on your work playlist? My work playlist is very eclectic, to say the least! Normally I am listening to podcasts like The Knuckleheads or The Brilliant Idiots on iTunes. Audiobooks are a must as well; I am either listening to biographies or something motivational. When it comes to music, my playlists are all over the place, from Black Sabbath to The Beatles, Symphony NO.5 to Kayne, Kendrick, Post Malone, Big Sean — anything ’90s or ’00s hip hop…. I can go on and on for days! As I write this I am listening to Sinatra and Cardi B. I told you my playlists are all over the place!

Pickle(s) Rick’s come in sour and half sour. These pickles are dil-ightful #3dprinting #rickandmorty #adultswim #maker #making #youtuber #cartoon #propmaker #props #picklepuns

A post shared by Steven Gonzalez (@thesupermakerbros) on Jul 15, 2017 at 8:13pm PDT

If you started your own Shapeways shop, what would you sell? My Shapeways shop would probably sell things my brother and I have made on our Super Maker Brothers channel so people can order the parts and follow along with the video. Chances are I would probably sell some obscure random items or desk toys.

In a perfect world, what is the trajectory of 3D printing? In a perfect world I would love to see 3D printers in every classroom. I think schools should have innovation centers with printers, woodworking, metalworking, casting, and all types of making with your hands. Any time I explain 3D printing to people who aren’t super familiar with it, I try my best to get them out of the mindset of cheap plastic toys. 3D printing is much more than just toys. Besides mold-making, prototyping some of your everyday household items, or even parts for transportation, 3D printing is huge in the medical field! Anytime I go to the doctor or surgeon I try and push them to look into 3D printing. After training for Strongman and injuring my spine, I think it could have been cool if the doctor had had a printout of my spine to show me the problem areas.

Give us some words to live by! Do they have to be mine? Can I say “To infinity and beyond!” or “This crest is a symbol of hope” or “Wubba lub dub dub!”?  OK, I’ll give some words I live by:

Why let go of the branches to reach another branch when you can just own the tree?

Let me explain. Let’s say all the branches are my dreams. I want to podcast or do radio so I grab that branch but there is a another branch where I can make props on YouTube, so I let go of the podcast one to reach that one. But now I see a bunch of branches that say different things like voice acting, filmmaking, clothing designer, twitch gamer, entrepreneur, etc. Never let go of any one branch because if you can own the tree, then all the branches are yours. Do it all! They each can cross-promote, and one hand washes the other. Crazy doesn’t mean impossible.

Any questions for Steven or the other 3D printing engineers? Ask in the comments and we will deliver!

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