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dafukdidiwatch · 4 years ago

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FoodFight (2012)

The origin story of Sausage Party and The Emoji Movie

I honestly don’t really know where to start with this film. Like I’ve heard of it, I’ve seen reviews of it, I was so sure I wouldn’t ever see this trainwreck because it looked and sounded so bad.

But honestly? This was an amazing film to watch. I don’t even know where to begin because I genuinely enjoyed this movie. This was a fun shitty trainwreck of a movie.

Let’s start with the obvious: The animation sucks. Like the designs are bad, the world building is bad, the animation is bad. Body movement? What body movement? The only body movement we need is arm waving and twirling and nothing else. And those are for characters they were trying for. The Humans, if there are any, are the literal worse with either being amusement park mascots at best or mountain troll monsters at worse. Yeesh they were bad to look at. In fact, a lot of characters in this movie are just, very ugly all the way around.

Celebrities: I feel so sorry for these people. Apparently it took 12 years to make this (like, wtf first off), so a lot of the “big names” they got in the day sort of faded away out of the public light. Not that I actually give a shit about it they got paid either way. I just think out of all of them, Wayne Brady was done dirty. He didn’t deserve to be in this movie, he deserves better than having his name listed in FoodFight. Tim Curry is a riot no matter where he goes, still bringing in his Dr. Frank-n-furter Vibes all the way around. And Christopher Lloyd wasn’t in for long, but by god does he leave an impression. A terrifying impression.

Why are actual food brands in this movie? Ms. Butterworth, what are you doing in here? Charlie Tuna, The Pickle Stork, Mr. Clean? I can’t tell if they did them dirty or not because they are barely in the movie anyway. The most screen-time of them went to Mr. Clean just for the bald clean jokes. It’s like playing Where’s Waldo in finding out where the notable brand icons are.

It’s also fun to play “Who the Fuck is that guy?” because there are a lot of brands being parodied here. Captain Crunch turned into Shitty Admiral Chip Peg. Chocola is a disco gay vampire bat. Some weird disturbing french cheese men....no idea who he is for but hey! That’s what the game is for! Trying to see what their ugly abominations were supposed to be in the light of day.

The only “decent” animated characters are the main one: Dex Dog-tective who speaks nothing but puns, every sentence. All the time. You want to start a counter on all the food puns he makes, but you also don’t because I’m sure it’s in the Hundreds. It also doesn’t help that he is like...furry bait? That’s the best way to describe him since he is like the Better animated characters they tried to make him handsome so...furry bait. Then we have Sunshine Goodness who is a terrifying uncanny valley creature which is just an anime catgirl that the animators decide to give up half way and hope her dead eyes give out the allure she has. But uh oh, watch out Sunshine, Lady X of Brand Ex is coming in with her twig-ass Dominatrix Barbie outfit trying to seduce your man...a talking golden retriever. Her dead glass eyes have its sights on seduction and world domination one fetish at a time.

I’m not kidding about the fetishes either, this movie is just throbbing with sexual tension. In the worst way. Like you think the food puns are a lot? Well the sex innuendos are giving them a run for their money. There is so many sex jokes. So many tension of the “oh the bad guy good guy flirt? Hwot” This is supposed to be a kids film and yet you are having jokes of raisins = nipples, chocolate = dicks, "I'll have you roll over and begging for mercy" is too sexually charged for this movie like.....AHHHHH. I fear for the children who learn their kinks through this movie. And that’s just the verbal! The visual is sexy dominatrix. Sexy plaid school girl. Sexy villain nazi-stand-in dominatrix. Sexy Tango. Sexy...sniffing?? God they were trying So so so hard and it pissed me off to no end: 50% in-credulousness because who the hell thought this was a good idea to have kids watching this, 50% anger because I’m somewhat pissed that some unfortunate lines had the gall to be actually good for romantic tension....if it WASN’T TIED TO A BAD FETISH FILM! Like, you can have sexual chemistry, but when sky planes fly out of someone’s vagina you know it’s a fetish film.

But hey, enough stalling, let’s actually talk about the plot of this movie.

It’s Casablanca.

Like dead ass Casablanca.

After losing the love of his life a grizzled detective man ends up running a club where he has to face off against nazis. This is deadass Casablanca where Rick had a dark romantic fling with a nazi at a grocery market. The decisions they went with like the bad rendition of the French National Anthem to be food themed that I could barely hear. Brand X having a nazi-like salute if someone misspelled YMCA with one letter. The...actual weird torture murder scenes? This movie was wild enough, you didn’t need to add in death to the mix. They even had the side characters from Casablanca being in here like the Moose guy being the piano player, and the weasel looking dude being the....weird ass dick weasel in this movie.

And now, some random lines that I liked:

"I just want to be loved"

"Whats the point if having luxurious hair if you can't look yourself in the mirror"

"Oh Yeah, sure, no prob, except I don't have a death wish"

"But you were recalled?! And butt ugly!?"

Overall: I honestly swear to god believe this could and should be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. This is that level of just...badshit craziness where everything is wrong and beautiful that we can laugh at it all. This needs to have like, it’s own riff track, audience participation, SOMETHING because there is too many golden moments to let it fly by.

If you can get your friends and tell them NOTHING about this movie and see their reactions. Because that is what I’M going to do with mine.

#dafukblog #Dafuking Films #foodfight #food fight #foodfight 2012 #week 42 movie

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noro-noro-noro · 3 years ago

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6 dreams but some parts have been cut out for being weird. 1. hanging out in the mansion 2. at a place with people, me, my dad & my sister solve the zoo puzzle 3. dream 1 rerun but i cut out the rest of the dream 4. my friend’s failed tomato endeavors 5. 2 fictional characters have sex & i don’t like it 6. aftermath of 2 fictional characters having sex but in an alternate universe

1. hanging out with someone in the upstairs of a mansion. the downstairs is a restaurant or maybe a hair salon. the person was wearing a like sleeping bag jacket & zips into it like a caterpillar & goes to sleep on a bed in the middle of the hallway. later someone breaks in. 2 someones break in. but we go scare them away by threatening them. one of the has like lavender skin & red eyes. normal guy. later my uncle is there making fun of me

2. at some kind of huge YMCA/aquarium/open area jam packed with people. my dad is there. my sister is too. it's evening. it's outdoors & I guess it's kind of shaped like the park go fest was at. some lady is interrogating me & my dad about... something. yeah the area was like museum later in the afternoon & there were 3 temples type of area: a turtle, a rabbit, & a fish. these temples were Mazze like inside with any sandstone carvings. one carving in each temple/museum showed the order we were supposed to go in. the code to move to the next area was the # of turtles per day In the pen outside, the #of rabbits per day. & the # of fish per day. it was a 4 digit code bc the fish pen was a shallow middy pond very large all of them were square & the fish were getting it on constantly. looked like a bad place to keep koi fish tbh & I was like is this really a legit zoo? anyway we put the code in at the?? & then the security lady showed up & started interrogating us in her office about how we got past the gate & we were trying to be vague about it. eventually we stand up to leave.

3. it’s the day after the first dream & that person is no longer wearing the sleeping bag jacket. we’re playing battleship on the bed that’s in the middle of the hallway. the rest of this dream has been removed for making me uncomfortable

4. my friend is growing tomatoes at his house. it's not succeeding bc they kept getting devoured by mites & also apparently if you don't harvest them within a short window of time, they turn black & rotten. it just wasn't working for most of his tomatoes so he gave me the gross ones to get rid of. I teleported home & pit them in the glass jar. the glass jar was in my dad's house in a room that doesn't really exist. it was full of dead bugs & various pieces of natural debris. flies were breeding in there & I had a big plank of wood covering the top but it kept getting moved& the flies were getting all over my house & it was pissing me off. there was a giant dead(?) whip spider in there & whip spiders are the only other bug aside from house centipedes that I'm not too keen on& I was like agh. I video called iguanamouth on discord & we had a convo about nothing & then they showed a video of wasabi their iguana chillin & I sent like a unique “patting the lizard” emoji that doesn’t exist in real life & then wasabi started eating rabbit poop & iguana mouth was like No don't do that

5. I'm watching in 3rd person. liu dongcheng is sad about his friends lying to him & dying & he’s alone & edgy in his room. then carlos medel shows up. it switches to a manga style thing & i will also abbreviate this dream here. it was unnecessarily detailed & i don’t know how because this is not a topic i know a lot about.

6. this takes place after that, but it's enough of a reality shift that everyone else is Alive. my dad's side uncle A is having a happy new years party in my mom's house & the purgatory bestie squad is hanging out in her room bc they don't know my family at all? it's nighttime but all the lights in the house are on. there are 2 copies of my mom's bed fsr lit by her bedside lamps. Nicolas is on one reading smth & he clearly does not want to be bothered. I'm chilling on the other one post dream 3. fei is there but he's in a sour mood since he wants to talk to someone about something - he wants to reveal his TV status to someone since he's feeling conflicted I think? & tries to talk to Nicolas but nico is like "bro don't talk to me I'm literally chilling go talk to her"

I'm implied to be in/friendly with their group & fei comes & sits by me & I was like yo. & then liu comes in without pants on wearing an oversized shirt & he's all chatty & excited good mood since he just got some good dick & he's going on & on about something & at some point he's talking about clothes & shirts & points at me & fei & we're wearing matching shirts suddenly, black with white text with a silly slogan like "reject the POWER!!!" & was going on about how fei had modified his shirt but was like "& where do you even get a shirt like that!" & fei was like "I cut the sleeves & the straps myself'' since somehow it was more of a crop top. Liu pulls out a dark red shirt with dishwater purple text on it that's the same & was like "I want my shirt to look like that" & then walks into my mom's bathroom & I'm like "why don't you tell him you modified this shirt yourself" & he was like "bc he's not wearing any pants" & I noticed & got embarrassed & made a point of not looking. the rest of this dream was also removed.

i spent all of yesterday working on a drawing of fei so i guess my brain rewarded me by making him be my friend in this dream

#dreams

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chasingaster · 5 years ago

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‹ brenda song, she/her, cisfemale, bisexual. › ASTER TSAI is the THIRTY-ONE year old THAT CAME TO beaver creek, colorado, hired to work as a PASTRY CHEF in the manor. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said, ❝ AT LEAST NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND ME. ❞ they claim A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would SAY SOMETHING SARCASTIC TO GET THAT A** BEAT. their fears include ENCLOSED SPACES, EXTREME DARKNESS and BEING BURIED ALIVE and they don’t know we know, but… REDACTED.

hello kiddos! i am wyatt and trying real hard to get back into rp for the sake of my mental health because all i do is focus on school and i had a baby who is now a month old. it’s pretty stressful at times! i’ve been rping for 20 years (yes, you read that right, in 1999) and i’m super excited to be here. i’ve been searching for an rp to call home for a long time now and this one hits every item on my list! i can’t wait to get to know all of you and fall in love with your characters. if anyone would like to plot for something casual (since she just arrived) or for something to build up to in the future, shoot me a message and i’d be happy to write with you :)

below the cut is a bullet point list of some important facts about aster. (warning, i got carried away.) there is a trigger warning for: mention/implication of abuse and mention of foster care

aster is a product of the bad side of foster care. she’s afraid of what she’s afraid of for a reason and it has everything to do with her experiences in the system.

along with enclosed spaces, extreme (silent, eery) darkness, and being buried alive, she refuses to have true friends and hasn’t ever had a serious relationship of any capacity. in fact, she’d rather mess with your head and emotions than grow any of her own.

however, for a little while every so often, she’ll fall into a “relationship” that isn’t serious and usually those people are abusive in some capacity. it’s just what she’s used to.

she kind of has some psychopathic tendencies, as shown through not caring about messing with people for her own entertainment and not caring about their feelings.

she put herself through baking school, using someone else’s address and living in her car and showering at the local gym and YMCA. in all honesty, she kinda misses the simplicity of that life and would/will probably live in a renovated van someday or tiny house on wheels. this also allows her to move any place she wants, if she did it.

her mornings are dedicated to practicing magic and enjoying a massive cup of coffee.

by the afternoon, she’s back to pissing people off for entertainment and lugging around a giant cup of iced coffee this go-around.

if you walk into her room, you’ll probably find her sitting on the ground and surrounded by candles, crystals, and rocks she’s found in different places that she became emotionally attached to.

warning: for someone so little, she is entirely fueled by anger and hatred for the general population. expect many eye rolls, swearing, and flat tones to show how uninterested she is.

surprisingly, despite not really caring for others, she’s extremely vocal about injustice - in the system and socially. expect her to call you out on your bullshit or run into her at a protest of some sort.

another place you’d run into her? some shitty, rotting venue, listening to a loud, aggressive band. probably mental. or, in a weird plot twist, pop punk.

she secretly plays drums, but obviously doesn’t have a kit here. it was one of the things she up and left, and kind of regrets it. most people are kind of weird about a girl playing drums though, so she doesn’t tell anyone. they’re either impressed and excited or side eye her.

she’s very intelligent, able to read a room in an instant, and her gut in nearly always right to the point of being called clairsentient.

aster is bisexual by label, but physically prefers women. personality wise, she prefers masculinity because usually they’re the ones that can keep her in her place majority of the time. basically, she doesn’t know what she wants 🤷‍♂️

#manor.talk #[ introduction. ]

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cyanpeacock · 5 years ago

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Realtalk(tm): Daily Life And Shit Like That

OK, another reasonably good day?

I feel okay about myself. I sorted something out with my welfare advisor and then did a bunch of my structural cell biology tutorial work. Some fun things in there, cytoskeletons are very cool.

Went to counselling after that. I was... surprised, because I was anxious, and my brain clocked out a few times talking about difficult things, and I cried several times?

I’m like... okay.

This doesn’t feel as bad as it used to, but it’s obviously still, like... interfering with my living. I’m getting through my days quietly covering up tears and suchlike. I don’t react very well to physical proximity, and conversation still makes me anxious enough to lose track of things, but I can cope with it?

I did forget to eat properly. I’ve had three coffees and a banana. I have a sandwich I’m eating right now, which is like, okay? It’s food and I’m thankful to have it. Also got ready meals in the fridge, so if I get hungry later I’ll have something quick and easy to consume.

Man, like, it’s a lot. It’s all been a heck of a lot. I’m very glad I have these two years part-time to slow down, and make some sense of things.

Uhh... coherent narrative?

Born into a nasty shitty house in a nasty shitty part of a broadly very well-off country.

Dad yells at and hits mum. Mum yells at and hits me. Dad’s mum and mum’s mum probably did the same.

It does not feel good, right, or normal.

I hear a speaker give a presentation on abuse in primary school, and recognise what’s happening to me in it.

I have trouble in school, lash out at teachers, I struggle badly emotionally with things I don’t understand.

Police and social services get involved briefly, then abandon the case. Mental health services get involved, promptly break confidentiality, and I take this badly, because I’m a vulnerable child. Mum now knows she has a crazy kid who hears voices. I tried to keep this a secret, because I knew she wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with that.

Things get worse. School refusal, lashing out, blah blah.

Mum tries to do better. I don’t trust her. She gets it badly wrong, often. I’m confused, I’m anxious, I’m depressed, I’m suicidal, I’m self-harming.

I go to secondary school. The school has virtually no pastoral care, a bullying culture (students and teachers alike), and cares more about its league tables than the welfare of its students. I’m a Problem Child(tm) with great grades, so they put an extra shitton of pressure on me specifically, because I’m ~gifted and talented~.

Things get worse, I self-harm more, I get more anxious, I’m frequently suicidal.

Mum goes through a few partners. One sticks around, they want to get married at first, they end up in a horrible fight, I get dragged into it, I feel responsible for mediating and keeping the peace, I can’t do this because of my position in life.

The conflict gets really bad. I’m basically tearing myself apart to try and withstand the pressure. Living with my mother makes me feel like shit, because she can’t take care of me emotionally, I need professional support. Stepdad does better with it, but is still an ass, just a different kind. They’re framing all this as some kind of political conflict, I guess because those were the terms they fundamentally disagreed on.

I fucking snap, because doing A-levels at this shitty secondary school is killing me, and living with my birth family is draining me so badly, and it all Takes the Piss(tm), so one night I find I can’t cross the threshold into my mum’s home and end up on a late train to Leicester.

I don’t make it all the way, so I “sleep” overnight in a bus station in Nottingham in the middle of winter, freezing my little tits off.

I make it to Leicester in the morning. Hooray. Move in with stepdad, things turn much better! For a while.

I’m still unhappy. I get prescribed cocodamol for headaches, instead of triptans for migraine, and I get addicted. I’m still self-harming. I’m in a relationship, and I’m insecure as hell, and I’m seriously harming the people I love.

I go to college. I start A-levels again. Relationship falls apart. I’m depressed, suicidal, self-harming, anxious, etc etc etc. Overdosing a lot. My stepdad is losing patience with me. Eventually I come home late, we get into a physical altercation, I end up on the street because I’m not going back to that bastard, and I don’t feel safe or happy living with my mother.

Cops pick me up and take me to hospital (familiar place by this point). I’m there for a while. They end up discharging me to the street. I declare myself homeless to the council, show up at college an absolute state, end up getting a call saying there’s a room for me in the YMCA.

I move into the YMCA. It... is a homeless hostel. Drugs help it feel less shit. By this point I’m like, a full-time pothead and pill popper. Benefits are fucked, I have to work alongside full-time college, I don’t get along with the other residents. I get all eating-disordered. I’m seeing a counsellor by this point, who actually helps, unlike all the mental health professionals I’ve seen before.

I finish my A-levels. I do quite well. I get a council flat.

Move into council flat. Sad and lonely. Glad to have a place, alone as fuck in the world, furious and hurt. Still doing drugs, when I can afford them. I’m beyond pissed with the people who raised me, I’m hearing them yelling at me even though nobody is in the room, it’s ugly. Somewhere in this period I get a diagnosis of BPD.

I start at university. I have no idea how I’m supposed to treat myself, and burn out halfway to the end of the year. Crisis team gets involved a lot. I find my counsellor privately, and start seeing him again. I take up a meditation practice. It helps, mostly.

The university let me finish year 1 the next academic year, and agree to let me study part-time for second year. I’m still very unstable, I’m kicking my codiene habit, I’m working on things like breath control and grounding techniques that just made me furious and miserable every time I’d tried them before.

I finish first year, with flying colours. Summer holidays come. I quit smoking pot, I hate my antipsychotic (it does its job, but I feel like shit on it), my antidepressant is making me manic but I don’t know it. My antidepressant is stopped by the doctors, and I refuse to take my ugly slow zombie antipsychotic.

I go absolutely mental.

Full psychotic mania. MHS let me down again by refusing to acknowledge my concerns when I do get to see them. I go battier and battier until I tear apart my council flat and go AWOL. I’m running all over the shop completely out of my mind. People I’d trusted would help me, don’t help me. Hospitals admit and discharge me on the same day. MHS are suddenly very concerned about me, despite the resounding lack of fucks given by the psychiatrist who saw me as my breakdown was Escalating(tm).

So yeah, I’m wack. Trauma. Stress. Withdrawal. My ego is dead. I’m running around on trains all over the country. There are six men living in this body. Alright. Okay. This is fun, and painful, and... oh, wait, these guys really love each other? Huh.

The university steps in when I end up sneaking into a building on campus and sleeping there overnight. They put me into halls temporarily, help me out with finance and admin, and contact medical professionals to try and convene a case review. Counsellor sees me through part of my psychotic break.

Eventually I clear up my flat. I move back in. I’m... okay?

I’m literally just like, okay, well, this might as well happen?

I stumble with drugs a few times, I keep working on my Coping Skills(tm), I notice I’m using coping skills without consciously going “OKAY shit I need to use a Skill(tm) here”. I go to university. I cope well enough.

I’m processing my whole psychotic experience. I take it a lot of ways. Eventually I understand the world my brain created as a reflection of the world I’ve seen right in front of me. I lived there. It wasn’t really any different to anything I’d seen before? Actually, it was kinda better, I wanted it all to stay, the six guys I was really loved each other, and it was nice to feel that.

I clock something. Oh? Humans need... humans need other humans? Like, they don’t, but... ah, fuck, like, I require this? Like, if I’m gonna live A Full Life(tm)? They’re not all going to hurt me? There is the possibility for love without a history of serious, self-destroying hurt?

I start believing that I really could just, like... meet people? Talk to them? Make a friend? And that it could feel good, instead of just like, a painful and exhausting chore? I start thinking about where I might go, and when, and my mind gives me less reasons not to show up.

So... that’s where I’m at?

Uh, okay.

What... do I make of myself?

Sick man. Getting better. Coping with it?

Okay. That’s alright. I can keep working with that?

#trauma #suicide #self harm #fliptext

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darealypodkaaa · 6 years ago

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Halloween Ball

So I went to the Halloween Ball a couple of hours ago Highlights included: -2 Family members winning gift cards

-My dad and my niece repeatedly stealing my candy

-I took like all the candy from an empty table. I was there from around the beginning of the ball to the end and no one sat there. free candy I guess

-I learned about the strength of a group of candy-hungry children when there’s a pinata involved

-I got a blue plastic toy snake that I basically won in a tug of war. when I went to one of the pinatas several of the kids stole from my violin case of candy (I was dress as a mobster) and among the stolen things was that same blue snake. I’m still pissed about that -I found a cool looking penny on the floor

-Spinning repeatedly whilst dancing to a song

-Basically chugging two cans of coke

-Taking a picture with my sister. I sneezed during it and the picture looks like I’m hitting a fat dab

-Recieving a plastic Kazoo that due to my extremely bad musical talent, I can’t even fucking play

-I got 2 rubber finger puppets, a couple of rubber poppers, some paper on a stick, a plastic spider and several vampire teeth

-Dancing to YMCA

-Remembering that Party Rockers song exists

-They also played the cha cha slide and fucking Gangam style, hell yeah!

-But they also played What Does the Fox say AND THEY DIDN’T FUCKING PLAY MONSTER MASH WHAT KIND OF FUCKING HALLOWEEN CELEBRATION DOESN’T HAVE FUCKING MONSTER MASH BUT HAS WHAT DOES THE FUCKINF FOX SAY

-Having a cold slice of pizza that I really enjoyed

-Having enough self control to eat only 3 cupcakes

-On the topic of cupcakes I GOT THE LAST ORANGE ICING CUPCAKE

-Also I found a rubber bouncy ball under one of the tables so there’s that

-I got a piece of one of the pinatas but unfortunately I didn’t get the head (keep in mind I dressed as a mobster)

That is all

#halloween #halloween ball #still angry about the snake being stolen

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bitsandbobsandstuff · 7 years ago

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The one where Bucky and Steve get married

Summary: Where Bucky is the world’s deadliest bridezilla, Steve gets a ‘close’ shave with a Cold Steel Recon knife, Bucky gets sentimental about flowers, and the boys get married.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers; Best Man Sam Wilson, Best Woman Natasha Romanoff; Tony Stark gets a license

Warnings: Bad language words, lots of sassy Bucky, brief mention of knife play. So much fluff. A bit of SMUT, so please follow the rules and be 18+ to read (or at least skip the shaving scene).

A/N: Here’s my story for @hellomissmabel ‘s birthday and 2k follower celebration, congrats again Annie! The idea was to include ‘yellow roses’ into a story, and in case you didn’t know, yellow roses are all about new beginnings. That’s always an excellent theme with our favourite boys, right?

A/N 2: Want to read it in Chinese instead? Find the translation here!

MASTERLIST

***** THE BIG DAY (EARLY MORNING)

Steve Rogers is wrapped in a warm, fluffy blanket burrito when the bedroom door slams open. It booms like canon fire and he jerks awake with a shout, tumbles off the bed, and smashes his head on the nightstand.

Scrambling to untangle from the sheets, he scrubs the grit from his eyes and looks around in a panic.

Bucky Barnes stands in the doorway, wearing nothing but electric blue boxers and a massive smile. He’s holding his toothbrush in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

He is the only human being on the planet who drinks coffee while he brushes his teeth.

He’s fucking weird.

Steve loves him so fucking much.

“Wakey, wakey bitch! We’re getting married today!” Bucky takes a huge slug of coffee, and pops his toothbrush back in his mouth. He’s grinning at Steve while he brushes, flecks of white foam dripping to the floor.

“You’re fucking weird.” Steve mumbles, collapsing back to the floor.

Bucky laughs at the top of his lungs.

*****

SIX WEEKS EARLIER

Sam sprints alongside Steve. He has so many questions.

“So, you’re doing all the traditional wedding shit?”

“Jesus, of course. Bucky insisted. His list gets longer every damn day.”

Sam’s picturing things like ‘make everyone do the Jitterbug’ and ‘recite old-timey poetry’ so he’s intrigued.

“What’s on his list?”

---

Bucky slaps a piece of paper on the table. Steve glances at the headline.

ALL THE SHIT I WANT TO DO AT MY OUR WEDDING

“The hell’s this?”

“We’re getting married asshole. We need to plan.”

“I’m aware you dick, I just thought you got a wedding planner.”

“I fired her. She was fucking with my vision. Anyway, these are things I want.”

Steve picks up the list. “Writing our own vows, string quartet, customised rings. Sure, these are easy enough. Can I veto us doing the YMCA though? I hate that song.

“No. It’s my wedding and I want to do the YMCA.” The look on his face indicates he is unlikely to be swayed.

“Jesus, bridezilla. Fine.” He keeps reading. “How are you going to throw a bouquet, you’re not carrying flowers?”

Steve looks up.

Murderous Winter Soldier bridal glare.

“Okay, okay, sorry, we’ll find something for you to throw. You want to give fake grenades as party favours?”

“You’re supposed to give party favours that reflect who you are as a couple and since I really like grenade launchers and you really like having grenades launched at you, I think this is good. Maybe later that night, we can have people roll them on the floor and you could jump on them and remind us all that you’re an idiot with no sense of self-preservation.”

Steve clenches his jaw.

Murderous Winter Soldier bridal glare is back.

Steve lets it go. Back to the list.

“Shoving cake in Steve’s face – what the fuck is this about?”

“It’s a tradition. Don’t argue with me.”

“But why do you get to do it? Why can’t I shove it in your face?”

“Uh, because it’s my wedding and you said I got to pick anything I want, and this is what I want. Don’t ruin my special day Steve.”

“I’m not, I was just – “

“No excuses. Get on board the wedding train punk.”

Steve crumples the paper into a ball and throws it at him. “You’re a dumbass.”

“Choo choo motherfucker.”

---

Sam has to stop, he’s laughing too hard at this point.

“He also wants everyone to stand up when he walks down the aisle.” Steve shrugs. “But you know. Whatever makes him happy.”

Sam’s nearly hyperventilating. “This is the best damn conversation I’ve had all month. Has he made any decisions you’re actually pissed about?”

Steve huffs irritably. “Well, there’s one thing. This whole ‘carrying someone across the threshold’ shit. He said he was carrying me, I disagreed and said I wanted to carry him. So we had an arm wrestling contest to decide.”

“Yeah? And?”

“And Bucky is a dirty, lying, cheating cocksucker.”

“So, you’re saying you lost?”

“What I’m saying, is that I don’t know why I’m still surprised when he cheats at everything, after knowing him for a hundred god damn years.” Steve retorts, scratching his chin. “He’s a real piece of shit sometimes.”

“True. But he’s your piece of shit.”

“True.” Steve agrees. “Thank god.”

*****

THREE WEEKS EARLIER

Bucky likes lists. He makes them for everything. Sometimes he makes lists and puts ‘make a list’ on the list, just so he can cross it off.

He’s sitting at the kitchen counter chewing on a piece of beef jerky, reading his latest updates.

SHIT TO DO BEFORE MY OUR WEDDING

Confirm the cake (Cake tasting was a religious experience. Bucky swears he saw the face of God in that buttercream frosting.)

Pick my entrance song (The best song. He found the best fucking song.)

Order flowers (He’s already picked them out, just needs to place the order. He really hopes Steve gets the sentiment.)

“You better move your ass if you need to order flowers. They book way in advance.” Natasha is leaning over his shoulder, stealing his beef jerky and examining his list.

“Don’t take my fucking things Natalia.” He snatches for the beef jerky, but she ducks away.

“What kind of flowers are you getting? Do I need to help you? I don’t want you to ruin this.”

“Yeah thanks, it’s not real hard, just a couple yellow roses. I’ll manage.”

“Sounds lazy. Tell me why.”

Bucky smirks at her, before it fades into an honest to goodness smile. She watches the adoration flood his features. He tells her a story.

“Did you know, before the serum, Steve was colour-blind?”

Natasha raises her eyebrows. “Interesting. That wasn’t in the files.”

Bucky hums. “Yep. Couldn’t see much besides shades of grey. Remember him saying, when he opened his eyes coming out of that tube, actually saw colour, first thing he noticed was Carter’s red lipstick. Shocked him so much he threw up on her shoes.”

He barks out a laugh at the image. It’s one of those stories Bucky loves to tell, partly because it’s endearing as fuck.

Mostly because he lives for the embarrassment on Steve’s face.

“Anyway, back in the day, all the guys used to wear flowers when we went out Saturday nights. There was an old lady who had a stand outside the Fulton Street El, and I always stopped to negotiate – I’m a master fucking negotiator, by the way – to get us a couple.”

---

1939, Brooklyn: Steve’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, a battered tin of shoe polish in one hand, his worn leather boot in the other. He glances to the rusted silver clock on their bookcase, wondering when the hell Bucky’s getting home, when he hears heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs.

He’s a whirlwind when he bursts through the door, throwing his bag on the floor, toeing off his shoes as he walks.

“I know, I know, I’m late! Don’t be mad, had to make a stop.” Bucky’s breathing fast, sweaty pieces of hair plastered to his forehead when he rips his flat cap off, flinging it across the room. His bright blue eyes are wild with laughter as he throws a packet of parchment paper into Steve’s lap.

He keeps talking, struggling with the buttons of his shirt, his voice muffled when he gets too impatient and tries to rip it over his head instead. “I stand by it Stevie, cross my fucking heart, I’m the most charming motherfucker in Brooklyn. Wait’ll you hear the deal she gave me, god damn.”

He finally gets the shirt over his head, leaving his dark hair sticking in every direction. “Lemme have a quick wash and we’ll go.”

Giving Steve a roguish wink, he rushes off, dirty clothes flying as he strips.

Steve rolls his eyes. He opens the packet and two yellow roses drop to the floor.

---

“So why yellow roses?” Natasha questions. She’s still eating his beef jerky.

Bucky goes back to his list. “One, roses are my favourite. And two, I always get him yellow. Used to be the only colour Steve could see.”

Natasha pauses mid-chew. She opens her mouth to speak, but for the first time in a long while, she can’t find the words. It’s the most genuine thing she’s ever heard him say.

“That’s – really sweet, Barnes.”

“I know. M’fucking awesome.”

*****

THE BIG DAY (EARLY AFTERNOON)

Steve stands in the bathroom, perusing his face. Running his hand over his beard, he makes a snap decision.

“Think I want to shave.” Steve announces, glancing at Bucky in the mirror. “Might be nice. Fresh start or whatever.”

Bucky’s lounging against the bathroom door. He’s been wandering around the compound all day in those electric blue boxers, shouting directions at everyone, and for some unknown reason, he’s now paired them with his black combat boots.

Seriously. He’s so weird sometimes.

Seriously. Steve loves him so fucking much.

Bucky sizes him up, before giving a decisive nod. “I agree. And you should let me do it.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “Not likely. I’ll end up with some shit moustache or missing half an eyebrow.”

“Like I would do that. I’m not ruining my wedding photos with your face looking stupid.”

Steve’s lips twitch.

“Fine. Give me a shave.”

Bucky’s delighted. He stomps back into the bedroom and grabs the desk chair, dragging it into their cavernous bathroom. Situating it in front of the mirror, he pushes Steve down and drapes a towel over his shoulders. Fumbling under the sink, he knocks over every bottle he sees, until he finds the half-empty can of shaving cream stashed at the back. He flips the lid off and throws it across the room, aiming for the trashcan. Missing completely.

“Nice one.” Steve comments.

“Shut your pie-hole.” Bucky replies.

Giving the can an aggressive couple shakes, Bucky sprays every last bit of cream into his hands and pauses, peering at Steve with a look of intense concentration. Then his face clears and he slaps his hands onto Steve’s cheeks, smearing the white fluff all over his face and neck.

Steve belatedly realises this may have been a mistake.

When he’s finally satisfied the shaving cream is spread evenly, Bucky gives him a mocking salute. Steve’s momentarily confused when Bucky then props his boot on the chair between Steve’s knees, until he reaches down the side and pulls out his newest tactical knife. A shiny Cold Steel Recon 1.

“No.” Steve argues.

“Yes.” Bucky insists.

“Jesus.” Steve sighs.

Flipping the knife to switch his grip, Bucky climbs into Steve’s lap. He grinds his hips down, rubbing against Steve’s crotch with an exaggerated groan. Steve’s hands automatically grip his hips, locking Bucky in place, a look of resigned patience on his face.

Clasping Steve’s jaw in his fingers, Bucky tilts his head back and forth, a sculptor looking for the perfect angle. When he finds it, he turns Steve’s face to the side and leans forward, the sharp edge of the blade positioned carefully at the bottom of Steve’s sideburns.

Something about the whole thing seems familiar.

---

1944, France: The rain is coming down in actual sheets at this point. Bucky trudges to the entrance of the tent, his blue overcoat draped over his head. It’s completely soaked and heavy as hell.

He’s so pissed off.

Ducking under the tent flap, he shakes out his hair and glares at Steve.

“You know what? Fuck France. Fuck Hitler, fuck Hydra, fuck Phillips, fuck the god damn rain, fuck everything.”

Steve looks up from the cracked mirror in front of him, towelling away the remaining bits of soap from his newly smooth face. “So, honey, how was your day?”

Bucky grunts. “Fucking terrible. I’m so ready to go home.”

“You look like shit. If you sit, I’ll give you a shave.”

“I’m out of razors, got nothing until the next mail delivery.” Bucky sighs heavily, flinging himself onto Steve’s cot, disappointment roiling through his gut. His face itches like hell.

“Use a knife. Works just as well.”

Bucky sits up and wonders why he hasn’t thought of this. “Well fuck me sideways Stevie. Still some brains left in that thick skull after all.”

Steve snatches up the bowl of soapy water and plunks it at their feet, splashing Bucky’s mud-covered boots. He grabs the remainder of his soap, and scrubs his hands together, getting a good lather.

Standing above Bucky, he tilts his head and looks down, a devilish little smirk curling up his lips.

Bucky looks up warily. “I’m going to regret that last comment, aren’t I.” he states flatly.

“Possibly,” Steve mumbles. He sinks down onto Bucky’s lap, straddles his thighs. Pats soap on his face. Grinds himself against Bucky with a breathless little whine.

“Aw hell.” Bucky whispers hoarsely, his hands reaching up to grip Steve’s ass tightly. “You’re such a little tease, Rogers.”

“Am I?”

“Yes. Yes, you really fucking are.”

---

A great idea pops into Bucky’s head.

Steve spots the sudden gleam in his eyes, and grunts. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop. I’m serious Buck.”

The gleam is replaced by a look of pure innocence, which is to say, a look that spells absolute trouble.

“Put your hands behind the chair Stevie.”

“Yeah, no. Not happening.”

Bucky presses the knife a little closer, the blade biting into Steve’s skin. “If you don’t, I swear to god I’ll shave a bald strip straight through your hair.”

“Well, then I guess our wedding photos will look pretty stupid, and that’ll be on your head.”

Bucky tries another route. His husky, wheedling voice usually works.

“Please baby? I just want to try something.”

Success.

“I hate you.” Steve mutters. Folding his arms behind the chair, he links his fingers together and looks at Bucky with a martyred expression.

Bucky taps his metal fingers against Steve’s bare chest, marvelling at the splotchy pink flush that’s creeping across Steve’s torso. Keeping his knife balanced on Steve’s cheek, he stands, still straddling the chair, while his hand drifts down to the waistband of Steve’s sweatpants. He slips the tips of his fingers under the fabric. Nudges Steve to lift his ass so he can tug them down.

Bucky grins.

Steve huffs.

Bucky slides his hand down.

Steve clenches his teeth, trying to stay still.

Bucky wraps cool fingers tight around the base of Steve’s cock and gives a good squeeze.

“Jesus Christ Bucky,” Steve hisses.

Fun fact. Bucky’s been ambidextrous his entire life. It’s one of the reasons he’s so good in combat, can switch hands in a knife fight, can shoot from any angle. His brain can always disconnect the movements, allowing him to use each arm independently and equally.

Right now, he wants to use one exceptionally slow. And the other, well, maybe less slow.

Bucky carefully scrapes the first path down Steve’s cheek with his knife, cleanly removing a line of gold bristles. He hums ‘Here Comes the Bride’ as he wipes the dirty blade on the towel.

His other hand grips Steve’s cock, pumping him with lazy strokes.

Steve groans quietly.

Another deliberate, scratchy slice down Steve’s jawline. Metal fingers move faster, his wrist giving a little twist at the upturn of every stroke.

Steve groans louder.

He balances the knife on Steve’s upper lip, noticing the sweat beading Steve’s forehead. He leans forward and licks it away. Drags his knife down. Jerks Steve’s dick faster.

Steve starts swearing.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Bucky murmurs. Steve says nothing, just gives him a soft grunt.

That won’t do.

Bucky stops moving and nicks Steve’s skin with the blade when he doesn’t respond. “Answer me.”

“Gah! Yes, yes it feels good. Really fucking good.” Steve rasps, closing his eyes.

“Okay then.” Bucky’s mollified. He repositions his knife on the other side of Steve’s face.

Steve catches his bottom lip between his teeth, harsh pants in his throat when Bucky’s hand starts stroking him again, while the blade moves leisurely over his cheek, over his throat. He feels warm breath on his face and opens his eyes to find Bucky nose to nose with him, a sly smile on his face.

“You gonna come for me?” Bucky growls low, lips brushing lightly against Steve’s. He twists his wrist again, rubs his thumb over the tip of Steve’s cock one more time, and it’s that signature move that drops Steve over the edge. He comes hard, hands still linked behind the chair, hips bucking while he fucks himself frantically up into Bucky’s hand.

“Fuck, fuck, shit, that’s – fuck.” Steve chokes.

“Tell me about it.” Bucky says smugly.

Bucky keeps up the gentle, leisurely strokes while Steve catches his breath. His blade makes a few final swipes across Steve’s face, cleaning up the remaining shaving cream.

He tosses the knife carelessly over his shoulder, where it clatters in the sink. He sits back in Steve’s lap, assesses his work. Gives himself a verbal pat on the back.

“Damn I’m good. At shaving and hand jobs. I could make a career out of it.”

Steve gives him his annoyed Captain face. Bucky likes that look. It’s hot.

“Can you shut up and get me a towel, I have cum in my fucking hair.”

“Just leave it there.”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to wear white Steve, it’s our wedding.”

“Oh my god.”

*****

20 MINUTES BEFORE THE BIG MOMENT

Bucky barrels into the room, just as Steve’s fixing the knot on his tie.

He skids to a stop, and they turn inspect each other, a matching pair of shit-eating grins lighting up both faces.

Bucky’s dressed head to toe in black, a dark blue dress shirt his only concession to colour. Steve’s a mirror opposite, dressed in navy blue, a black shirt completing the look.

“You realise we’re not supposed to see each other before the ceremony.” Steve reminds. “It’s bad luck.”

Bucky snorts. “We’ve fulfilled a lifetime quota of bad luck, Fate can kiss my fucking ass at this point. Besides, I got something for you.”

He produces a small parchment bag, and cracks it open, pulling out two bright yellow roses.

For the first time all day, Bucky’s voice softens, all hints of snark and sarcasm vanishing.

“Not sure if you’ll remember this, fucking surprised I remember, but, uh, yellow roses are kind of our thing.”

The bashful nervousness on Bucky’s face promptly melts Steve’s heart.

“Buck. Yeah, ‘course I remember.”

They’re quiet for a moment, contemplating the decades of misery and horror and death they’ve waded through, to get here today.

Worth it, Bucky thinks fiercely. Completely worth it.

He quickly pins a flower on his jacket, and moves closer to Steve with the other.

“Anyway, so I’m telling the florist all about us, and she mentioned something.” He pushes the straight pin through the thick fabric, hooking the rose onto Steve’s lapel. “She told me yellow roses have a meaning. You know what it is?”

Steve shakes his head. Partly because he likes to hear Bucky tell a story. Mostly because there’s a lump in his throat and he can’t speak.

“Yellow roses, they mean new beginnings. Chance to forget the past, get a fresh start.”

He gives the flower a final adjustment, stands back to admire. Lifts an eyebrow at Steve.

Steve nods slowly. Curls his hand behind Bucky’s neck and pulls him close. “Sounds good to me.”

*****

THE BIG MOMENT

The enormous canopy resembles a clean white circus tent, sitting at the edge of the compound’s property. Like the master tactician he is, Bucky had paced out the measurements eleven different times, picturing every minute detail of every possible scenario, before he settled on this configuration.

About fucking time all those years of intricate ops planning came in useful.

Guests are filing in, the chatter of familiar voices rising and falling. They kept the invitee list small. Bucky might have invited the entire population of New York City if Steve had let him (he wants everyone to witness the best god damn day of his life), but Steve was hoping for something more intimate.

“Okay. After all Steve,” Bucky told him graciously. “It’s your day too.”

They also agreed on a small wedding party. Three friendly faces standing up with them. Sam and Nat were a given. The third was somewhat of a surprise.

---

Tony strolls into the kitchen while Bucky’s making another list and Steve’s making another coffee.

“Boys. Who’s officiating your wedding?”

“Well – “

“No problem, glad you asked, I’m happy to do it. In fact, here’s my new officiant’s license. I was ordained through Google at 10:43 this morning.”

Steve glances to Bucky, who looks up from his list. He scrutinises Tony for a minute and shrugs.

“Works for me. Long as you don’t fuck up my special day, I don’t give a shit.”

Tony claps his hands together. “Excellent, there’s the tearful appreciation I was hoping for.”

---

Steve stands at the front of the aisle, hands jammed in his pockets. Sam and Tony are flanking him, trading amused glances as Steve fidgets nervously.

Just like Bucky requested, there’s a four-piece string quartet set-up behind them, the violin and cello a soothing sound on his nerves. Until Steve’s realises they’re playing a medley of Britney Spears and Led Zeppelin.

Which, okay, it makes sense. Bucky’s two favourite artists.

Literally, Bucky Barnes is so fucking weird.

Literally, Steve Rogers is so fucking in love with him.

There’s a change in tune and the crowd turns to stand.

At the far end of the aisle, Bucky steps up with Natasha at his side.

After an internal debate with himself, Bucky asked her to escort him down the aisle. Said he was afraid if she went first, no one would pay attention to him, and since it was his big day, that would really piss him off. In reality, he had a minor panic attack at the thought of walking by himself. Not that Nat needs to know.

Although, she probably definitely knows. After all, it’s Natasha.

Bucky meets Steve’s eyes, and for a moment he forgets to breathe.

People say a lot of shit about weddings. About how you’re going to feel when you see your person at the other end of the aisle, about how it feels like there’s no one else in the world except the two of you. How everything around you goes quiet.

Steve always scoffed. “Dumb.”

Bucky scoffed louder. “Lame.”

Both realise in this instant, how utterly wrong they were. It’s actually true. Time stops. The world fades away. You really do only see each other.

Natasha urges Bucky forward, and Steve’s ears prick at the song the violins are now playing. Bucky decided to go with ‘Sexy Back’ as his entrance song.

Of course he did.

It’s a lifetime until they reach the front of the aisle, but they finally arrive.

Natasha releases Bucky’s arm, flashing a fond smile as she considers them. Satisfied with what she finds, she gives them both a gentle slap on the ass, and takes her place behind Bucky.

Steve gives Tony a nod to begin, then turns every ounce of his attention to the man in front of him.

“Dearly beloved, and some who are less than beloved but you were invited anyway, we’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of two very old souls. And yes ladies and gentleman, there will be several old man jokes through the night, because hey, you’ve all met me. So, Steve Rogers and James Barnes. Two guys who have – who have literally walked through hell on earth, just to find each other. If you’ll forgive my sickeningly sappy sentiment for a moment please, let me just say – love is rare. When you find it, if you find it, hold on tight. If you’re lucky, you might end up with something even half as great as what Cap and Barnes have.”

Tony Stark, a fool for love. He’ll never live this down.

“Anyway. Let’s cut to the chase. They want to say some things to each other. Barnes, you’re up.”

For all his bravado, Bucky suddenly feels like his mouth is full of sand. But then Steve gives him a wink, and the anxiety disappears.

Bucky clears his throat.

“Stevie. I’ve spent too many years lost in my own head. Stuck behind the glass, terrified and screaming, with – with no one to hear me. I thought I’d be trapped in there forever, but then you showed up, kicking down every door to get me out. Nothing’s ever come easy for us, Fate’s kicked us both in the balls over and over, but here’s the thing. If I had to go through everything again, for even the slightest chance I could end up here today with you, I’d walk straight into the fire with a smile on my face. Don’t have to be scared anymore, I know you’ll always bring me back. ‘Cause you – you’re the only god damn thing I’ve ever been sure of.

Bucky’s practised in front of his mirror every night for months. On one hand, he’s annoyed with himself for choking up at the end. On the other, he’s pretty proud of the way Steve’s face has gone all scrunchy. He chalks it up as a win.

Steve clears his throat.

“Buck, I’ve spent damn near all my life chasing you. Trying to keep up when we were kids, following you into the war. Running across the globe to get you back once I found you again. My whole life, it’s been pivoting around this one single thing, this – this anchor. And that’s you. I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I’ve been in love with you, hopelessly, madly, and completely, since before I even knew what it meant. I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth Bucky, into hell and back, if it means I get to wake up beside you every morning, and fall asleep with you every night. I’ll love you a million different ways, as long as you’ll let me. Now until forever.

Steve knows there’s an endless supply of sarcasm, lewd innuendos, and dirty jokes Bucky has stored up over the years, ready to fire at him in a moment’s notice. But with these words, he’s finally turned Buck speechless. And it’s pretty fucking awesome.

“Rings and vows?” And yes, Tony might kick his own ass later, when he thinks back to the pathetically high-pitched register of his voice in this moment.

Steve reaches behind, feels Sam slip the ring into his hand. He picks up Bucky’s right hand, takes a deep breath.

“I, Steven Grant Rogers, take you, James Buchanan Barnes, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to love, through good times and bad times, and everything in-between. I promise to stay at your side, to stand with you and for you, from now until death should part us.”

Bucky blinks rapidly as he looks back at Steve, trying to keep the tears away. He reaches blindly behind him, feels Natasha drop Steve’s ring in his hand.

He grips Steve’s right hand, gazing at his fingers for a moment. Before the wedding, they had agreed since Bucky would use his right hand for the ring, Steve would do the same. To everyone else, it’s a small thing.

To Bucky, the gesture is priceless. He looks up into Steve’s sky blue eyes.

“I, James Buchanan Barnes, take you, Steven Grant Rogers, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to love, through good times and bad times, and everything in-between. I promise to stay at your side, to stand with you and for you, from now until death should part us.”

Bucky slides the ring on. He turns Steve’s hand over and presses a kiss into his palm.

Christ, there’s not a dry eye in the fucking house, Tony thinks contemptuously. As he furtively dries his eyes. He nearly shouts the final words in a rush, praying to get them out before his voice cracks.

“By the power vested in me by the state of New York and the official paperwork I got off the internet saying I’m legal to perform this ceremony, I now pronounce you married.” Here Tony pauses for a breath, glances between them. “Okay boys, you’re good. Go on and make out.”

They stare at each other, savouring the moment. Steve and Bucky. Bucky and Steve. It’s one hell of a love story.

Like magnets, they come together, and because Steve knows Bucky’s a sucker for overly dramatic displays of affection, he goes in for the kill, spinning him sideways and dipping him back.

Clapping and wolf-whistles surround them. Friends laughing as the kiss goes on and on.

They finally break apart, foreheads still touching to catch those last words, the ones spoken for each other’s ears alone.

“We still doing that whole end of the line thing?”

“Nah, not long enough. Till the end of time, Buck.”

*****

(For anyone wondering, much to his chagrin, Steve did in fact dance to the YMCA at his wedding. Phil Coulson has 43 high-res photos to prove it.)

*****

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greetingsfromthebottomofthewell · 6 years ago

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PHOBIAS ARE SHAPED LIKE LITTLE GREEN PILLS - PART 1: ABLUTOPHOBIA

[source] [triggers]

hayong has a fun story to tell

Ablutophobia- Is the fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning. It’s one of the phobias the little green pills have caused me to experience.

Let me start from the beginning, my name is Hayong, and I was given an opportunity to experience fears that few people have gotten to experience. I have never had a phobia in my life, except for heights, and I have never experienced anything paranormal. A large part of me has always wanted to experience any sort of situation that is absolutely terrifying, but yeah, I guess it’s true that those things never happen to the people that search for it.

It all started with a message on Facebook. It was a guy by the name of Max Erckle.

”Hey man, I see that you are into horror, and I was wondering if you were interested in a new drug I developed. I work as a researcher at Vanderbilt University, but of course, this was created on my own free time, and I would really appreciate it if you could take a 7-day sample.”

Vague as hell, but still, the message gained my interest and I responded back after an hour.

”What kind of drug? I mean, what does it do?”

I waited anxiously for a couple more hours before I finally received a message back from him.

”Why don’t you meet me at 100 Oaks Mall, outside of the PetSmart. Let’s say, hm, in one hour? It is a unique drug, it draws out fears that you thought you never had. Of course, it won’t ever get approved by any institution but I felt like this could be our own secret research.”

I tried messaging him back with a couple more questions, but the profile was deleted.

I only lived around fifteen minutes away from the mall, and I had the day to kill, so I thought, “What the hell” and threw on some clothes. You may think I’m absolutely insane to even consider meeting the guy, but to be honest, I am just a bit insane. I really am being honest when I say I want creepy shit to happen to me. I want to experience near death experiences. I have lived a far too mellow life, and I know I have a lot of catching up to do. Anyways, I gave my cat a couple of treats and lovins’ and headed out.

I waited in the car for around 30 minutes, before I saw an older man walk up to PetSmart and look around. Nervously, I grabbed the door handle and got out of my car. As soon as I started walking towards the store, the man stared at me and gave me a small wave. I returned the wave and walked up to him. With my arm extended out I said, “You must be Max, nice to meet you.” He stared at my hand for a couple of seconds before he extended his out as well and gave it a limp shake.

Max: ”I didn’t think you would show up. I’m glad you did. Let’s go to your car and talk.”

Me: ”Um. I don’t really like having people I don’t know get in the car with me. Can we do this somewhere else?”

Max: ”Haaaa, stranger danger. Smart man. Well, we can just sit on one of these benches and talk, but I would like to give you the pills in the car like I said, it needs to be a secret.”

I walked over to the closest bench and sat down. He stood completely still for a couple of seconds before shaking his head a couple of times and sat down next to me.

Me: ”You seem a bit nervous. What exactly does the pill do?”

Max: ”It opens your eyes. It creates phobias that people experience every day, but it only lasts for 24 hours. I wanted to see if experiencing different phobias every day would drive a man insane, or if it would make them understand the world in a different light.”

Me: ”Sorry, but I’m a bit confused. Aren’t the pills all the same? Or do they activate random phobias?”

Max: ”If you keep listening to me, I will explain everything to you. Please try your best to not interrupt.”

He takes a deep breath, gives me a small smile, and continues.

”The pills are all different. I have them labeled as 1-7, and each pill releases a different phobia for you to experience. They are the 7 phobias I have found most interesting. Take, for instance, the first pill will make you experience what it would be like to have Ablutophobia, which in simple terms is, the fear of taking a bath, washing your hands, or taking a shower. Keep in mind, you are the first person to test this drug. I don’t know if it will drive you insane, and I will not take any responsibility for whatever happens to you. If you do take all seven pills and write out what you experienced from each drug, I will pay you $43,000. An odd amount of money, I know, but it is all of the money that is in my bank account.”

He didn’t talk for a couple of seconds. Instead, he just stared out into the parking lot and took a couple of deep breaths.

As soon as I started to speak, he put his hand up and asked, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to answer any more questions. Do you want to join my research or would you like to decline?”

Twenty minutes later, I found myself sitting on the couch with a white paper bag in my hands. There were seven green pills with small numbers on them. Yes, I felt dumb for trusting a man I never met in my life, but I knew that if it was real, I would be able to experience absolute fear.

After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and swallowed the pill marked as “1”. It was 14:45 and I was nervous as fuck.

I felt like making a log was the best possible way to record what happened to me.

15:04 - You know how dirty fingers get? Holy hell, three of my fingers have little spots of black on them. I want to wash my hands, but for some reason, I don’t even want to think about having to wash my hands. I feel like if I do, I’ll die, and no. Nope. Fuck that.

16:28 - I usually take a shower at this time, but have you noticed how dirty the water probably is? I never noticed it, but now that I think about it, the water is dirty. Bacteria, potential diseases, dead bodies in the river, I don’t need to clean, I don’t. There isn’t a reason to torture myself like that.

18:02 - I know, I know it’s the fucking pills. I ran into the bathroom and filled up the bathtub. Sitting on the couch now. Sweat is all over my face, I know I need to clean myself, but every time I get close to the bathtub, I feel like my stomach is going to explode. I already cried twice. Not of sadness, but because I’m fucking scared.

19:44 - No, no, no, no, I can’t do it. I finally managed to muster up enough courage to get to the bath, but I saw him. My father. He was lying in the bath and asking me to come over and help him. I love my dad. I love him so fucking much, but I couldn’t. There were roaches running all over his body. They started to rip up his skin and crawled into his flesh. There were dozens of open gashes all over his body. I ran out. I’m back on the couch. I called my dad, but he didn’t answer. Crying. Sweating. Fucking scared.

22:12 - My dad called me back. He was on a little vacation with my mom. They were celebrating their 28th anniversary. Before he hung up, he told me he was going to take a bath and go to sleep. I begged him to just wait to take a bath. He hung up while I was sobbing on the phone. Figures, he never really liked it when I cried.

07:08 - I had a hard time sleeping. The dried sweat mixed with my feeble attempt at masking it with cheap cologne caused my bedroom to smell like a YMCA locker room. I tried to convince myself to just wipe myself off with water, but I can’t. I ate some breakfast. Eggs, toast and a couple of pieces of bacon. Some yolk got on my hands, but I just wiped it on my pants.

11:52 - I called out of work. My manager was a bit pissed, but after talking to me for a couple of minutes, he could tell I was not well. He told me to get better and hung up. I could hear the sink running on the other end of the line, and it took everything out of me to not vomit.

13:41 - I can feel the phobia draining out of me. It’s a weird feeling. I managed to wash my hands, and rub some water on my neck. I stopped when it felt like I was being strangled by the water. It’s okay. Progress.

15:28 - I took a shower. I was fine. I still couldn’t get the mental image of my father out of my head. I tried calling him again, but he didn’t answer.

18:34 - My mother called me. Dad slipped while stepping out of the bath. He hit his head on the sink, gashed his head, and bled out. She was asleep at the time. She begged me to come see her. She couldn’t get the image of my father out of her head. She said that roaches were walking in the gash of his head and walking back out drenched in his blood.

That was the last log from the first pill. I am still trying to figure out if my father’s death is real, or if the pill is still fucking with me. Just to check, I tried calling my dad’s phone one last time, but he didn’t answer again.

I received a call at 9 in the evening. It was Max. After letting out a couple of deep breaths he said, ”How’d you feel about the first pill? Actually, don’t tell me yet. Tomorrow is going to be a bit more fun. Do you like walking? Maybe you do, Maybe you don’t. Doesn’t matter to me. Just prepare yourself. Again, whatever happens, while you take the pills, I am not responsible for. I just know your life was going to get shitty, and maybe the pills will help you stop a couple of the tragedies. Don’t ask me any questions. It’s not how it works, but keep that in mind. There is more than science involved with this research.”

I know I may be breaking rules posting on here, but I really feel like I should get this out to you guys. Of course, I know the guy’s name isn’t Max. I am also fairly certain he doesn’t work at Vanderbilt, but like he said, it might just help me. For right now, I’m fucking scared of what could happen, and I’m trying to figure out how Max knew what was going to happen to my father. By preventing tragedies, did he mean my phone call could have saved my dad if he had just listened to me? It may be already too late, but shit, if anyone has any knowledge of what I am going through, I would really appreciate any help I can get.

As always, it’s nice talking to the NoSleep community. My name is Hayong, and I am starting to feel like my life is about to get a shit ton more interesting.

#horror #scary #scary stories #stories #creepypasta #nosleep #phobias are shaped like little green pills #ablutophobia

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suzyqrara · 4 years ago

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10/14/2020

I am sitting in my living room in my own apartment in PA! I moved out and with the grace of God, I have been surviving for two whole months! I feel so blessed. But I am a little upset tonight. I have been frustrated since virtual school started. Its not that Mason is being ridiculously bad, but I feel like I was traumatized being a teacher, that now I just don’t have the patience for teaching my own baby. ☹ I am angry as all hell if Mason gives me a sign that he is not trying. The other day he was reading “They” as “Then”. I knew he was not trying to sound out the letters and I blew up on him. I do not have my proudest moments when I need to be a teacher for Mason.

I was doing my budgeting tonight just to see how it lines up this time. (Usually I am off by a few 20s in my budgeting plan). I looked at my discover card and I saw that I ranked up $1,167 last week alone. It’s a few things. For one, Sky Zone did not refund me the party deposit money and they put that amount back on my card. Also, I had to pay an additional $448 for Anisha’s out-of-the-country wedding on Valentine’s Day weekend and then I bought 2 board slates to even out my mattress and make Mason’s bed lower. I bought Mason one to make his bed lower so if he fell off the bed, he won’t break his shoulder or neck. I must say, I am happy I bought it because I sleep better at night knowing he will not hurt himself if he falls down. I also bought a coffee table that converted into an eating table because I don’t want mason eating on my coach and on the bed anymore. I would have bought a dining room table and chairs but we have no room in my apartment, so I made due with the coffee table All of that added up to over $1000 and I had crazy anxiety. While I was having anxiety, Mason decided it would be smart to throw his doll around the hall way. Of course it ended up spilling my drink all over the rug and my new coach. So that brought up my anxiety level. It is night time and I didn’t want mason to start screaming like a goat so I made sure to stay calm and told him he needed to clean the mess up. He cleaned the mess up and I told him thank you. He starts crying his ugly ass whine cry and I tell him to come to me and tell me what is the problem. He screams NO. Finally, I found out he is raising my blood pressure because the tv doesn’t work. I told him, its ok if the tv does not work, we will be reading soon. He starts screaming. He starts screaming his “she’s murdering me” scream and I get so fucking pissed. Not only that he starts being disrespectful to me by demanding I fix his bed. I told him calmly “Don’t talk to me like that”. My old me would be screaming ape shit and making sure he was scared of me. But I don’t want the neighbors to hear us, so I am talking calmly in hopes Mason will calm the fuck down. He is screaming TV over and over again. I tell him you are done with the TV tonight and after you brush your teeth you are going str8 to bed. He starts whaling harder. I tell him if he screams one more time I will get the pow pow flip flop and he will get his ass beat. That calmed him down. He brushed his teeth and after crying some more, he is finally rocking to go to sleep.

I stayed in bed for a while and I got upset because I feel like this should be my time to be by myself and take care of me. but I go to sleep because I want mason to go to sleep. I would like to catch up on my tv shows and I only have an hour to catch up if even that. I am never just sitting on the sofa, I have to get up for one thing or another. I feel like I should be able to go watch my shows if Mason is in bed. But he falls asleep better without a problem if I fall asleep with him.

I told Mason I am going to the living room to do some work and he needs to stay in bed. He is listened thank god. But I wish this was like this every night. I will work on that.

Every time he screams I get angry and I am just anticipating the night the police come knocking on my door because a neighbor complained of his noise. I told myself maybe it will be ok if they take Mason to live with his dad. But it wont look good on my record and I wont be able to work with kids. But this is the point I am at. I hate his screams. I feel my heart pounding fast every time I hear him and his whining. Then other little things start happening like him eating my food and telling me I’m an ugly cook. I feel like I don’t need this shit. I actually spoke underneath my breath and said fuck you. Its like I literally have no life but to take care of him. Stay with him all day while he does his virtual school, make him lunch, make him dinner, do his laundry, make his bed, get on and off the sofa to do this bullshit shit he asks me to do and what do I get as a response…disrespect and terrible screaming and the fear that the police will get involved somehow. Tonight, I really don’t want to be a parent. I want whatever the fuck of a life I had before Mason. After thinking about it, I really didn’t have much of a life. I was still just as single as I am now, just as mentally unstable. At least now I have a little man by myside and often times he does give me love. I’m sure I would be more lonely then I am now. No family, dealing with my sister, maybe some friends but I 100% I would still get no phone calls or text messages. Maybe I would go out more. Maybe I wouldn’t be working in Trenton? I would have graduated with my MFT License but I would probably be doing outpatient therapy and the shit Anisha just escaped from. At least I am safe in my home while I do this job. Anisha was getting just as much as I am getting now but she had to work crazy hours and she had to go to these people’s homes. I think I will keep this. I will keep me being a single mother raising Mason. But I am scared I am not doing it right… I think this is when I need god but I don’t know what to read or pray for God to get closer to me.

I went and hugged Mason and told him I was sorry for mocking him. He was whining about where his blanket was and I hate when he starts screaming without really making an effort in finding whatever he is crying over. So, I mocked him telling him its on the bed. I think I will read a book I downloaded a sample of that is written by a single mother and who is a Christian.

UPDate: I read the sample and watched a few you tube videos. I finally was able to sleep. I slept good. I woke up at 630 to get the day started for me. Mason has YMCA virtual school help, then basketball practice. I made the decision to not get a dog this year or until I get a job with more money.I was cleaning up after I made dinner last night and I thought to myself, “If we a had dog, I wouldn’t have any time for myself during the week. After I made dinner and cleaned, I would need to walk the dog.” I would be miserable. I also contemplated if I really needed to enrll mason into YMCA. I took it out and I was able to pay off this debt faster, but then the nonsense happened last night and I told myself I think I will continue to pay for it because it allows me some peace. I am looking forward to getting Mason into the YMCA

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popularmolds · 7 years ago

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Best rap, 2017

In 2007, I thought I was very fast. That fall, I was one of the top sophomores at the Minnesota high school cross country state championships, which, believe it or not, are very competitive as far as high school cross country state championships go. Then it was winter. There’s no indoor track season in Minnesota; I played hockey, like I had for my entire life to that point, but I also ran 60 miles a week in toques and gloves and terrible things called “wind briefs.” I got ambitious and decided that in the spring, I wanted to be the fastest 15-year-old in the state, the Midwest, maybe the country.

But in the first week of outdoor track, in the middle of a mile repeat workout we were running on the sidewalk (there was snow on the track), I felt bones splinter. There were stress fractures up and down my left tibia.

Every afternoon for the next twelve weeks, I had to find a ride from my high school down to a suburban YMCA, chosen because it had a reliably deserted pool. I needed to get in some sort of cardio with zero impact on my bones. If you’ve never seen someone water run, it looks like a recurring nightmare playing out under fluorescent lights: a skeletally thin person in the water, upright, making all the movements he or she would make on the track, but moving impossibly slow, back and forth, end to end. It’s like quicksand. I would sweat and strain and grit my teeth, but I was barely moving.

A couple weeks into my muggy purgatory, my friend Collin burned me a CD of an obscure album he’d found on a Wordpress blog. It was called Brokelore and was by someone named Grip Grand––clearly from the Bay, but we couldn’t find anything else about him.

It blew me away. I listened to it every day, to and from the Y, in headphones or out of those primitive aux hookups that plugged into the cassette decks in my friends’ cars. He sounded gruff and grizzled, but we had no idea what he looked like. (Eventually, Collin found a short interview Grip had done with a blog, but we assumed the press photo was of the blogger, not the rapper. Sorry, Grip.)

The record’s mostly self-produced; the beats have a little grit and a lot of warmth. Grip’s voice is tough, but elastic enough to bounce and bend and let the humor through. Grip is quick and witty, but threads the record with these incredibly earnest love letters to rap: "96 Tears” is an extended lyrical exercise, “Hip-Hop Classic” is the sound of someone pounding his fist on a computer desk, searching. There’s a song with Percee P (”Paper Cup”) and a song where Grip thanks Percee P for dropping that verse (”Showtime (That’s Entertainment)”). There’s “Handle That,” which was probably conceived as a parody of popular rap styles at the time but got mutated along the way and sounds like a good-faith alien transmission; there’s distortion and vocal modulation and lines like “While you pretend to be sick like Ferris Bueller / Grip Grand drop gems like a careless jeweler.”

But it’s called Brokelore. This was a few months before the financial collapse; this was Oakland and San Francisco and the shadow of the early tech boom. Sometimes Grip and his Rec League comrades broach this with a light touch, cashing bad checks and skirting tax forms. (One of the album’s highlights is the remix of “Poppin’ Pockets,” where Grip and A.G. (!) rap joyously about having absolutely zero money.) Then there are the graver moments: “Out of Service” is a half-dreamed conversation with a factory worker who’s in limbo at a bus stop; it’s tearjerking but never treacly. “Tomorrow” is sorrowful.

And then there’s “Love/Drama” which––this is not an exaggeration––is one of the most deeply felt rap songs I’ve ever heard. It’s structured as a letter back to a writer who ripped his last record, Welcome to Broakland. An artist responding to criticism looks defensive––and that’s the point. In the space of a few bars, the song unspools into a catalog of Grip’s deepest fears as an artist.

“My whole albums’s a jack: “Impeach the President?” Yo, how done is that? Tribute to early rap? DIY ethic? No, a piss-poor producer—take my name off the credits.”

The song wraps up with a venomous couplet:“You’re so astute brah, every minute flaw, you heard it / Can’t wait to hear your album, it must be perfect.” But he’s not brushing off the critic. “Love/Drama” isn’t about brushing off a detractor, it’s about scratching and clawing and stretching $10 in groceries for a whole week, pouring yourself into a record only for it to be...fine. The kicker, then, is that Grip Grand internalized all of that and made a masterpiece.

I say all that to say this: I don’t know if I would have found Brokelore today. Ten years after the fact, it’s ostensibly my job to find and write criticism of rap music, including obscure releases like this. But the economics of the media industry are strange: while it seems clear that people still want to discover new music, it’s difficult to get anybody to click on articles that present it. Music discovery has moved mostly to the curated playlists at streaming sites (so, radio) and there are fewer and fewer places willing to publish full-scale album reviews for artists who are untested or unsigned. I don’t spend enough time in pools.

Of course, there are still massive communities of rap fans who dig for new material. But as it becomes more difficult to make a living covering it––and with the collapse of the blog world, which was invaluable for fans and artists in the mid- and late-2000s––there’s less time and attention given to smaller artists. Especially the kinds of time and attention that can be turned into money. (On that count, I physically recoil imagining how much bleaker the Bay Grip rendered on Brokelore has gotten.)

The good news is that rap is in an exceptional place right now. There are vibrant underground scenes in cities across the country. In 2018, I’m resolving to take time, stay still, and appreciate rappers who would otherwise go uncovered.

Notes/methodology: This list, obviously, includes both songs and albums. In most of the cases where either an album or a song from it could have made my top sixty, I chose whichever entry would rank higher, i.e.- I think “The Story of O.J.” is one of the ten best rap things from this year, while 4:44 as an album would rank a couple dozen spots lower. There are exceptions. “We Ball” would probably be among my top ten entries, but I wanted to give a nod to Meek Mill’s album because it hasn’t left rotation since it came out. Similar case with Boosie: “Webbie I Remember” could easily be in my top five, but BooPac should be on everyone’s radar, even if it’s ninety minutes. Slow down.

60. YG, “Pop It, Shake It” 59. Smooky MarGielaa, “Stay 100” 58. YBN Nahmir, “Rubbin Off The Paint” 57. Freddie Gibbs –– You Only Live 2wice 56. Muja Messiah & Roc Marciano –– Saran Wrap 55. Frosty Da Snowmann, “Oh My Gawd” 54. Wiki –– No Mountains in Manhattan 53. Greg Grease –– Down So Long 52. Chris $pencer, “Shark Wrestling” 51. Chief Keef, “Can You Be My Friend” 50. P.O.S –– chill, dummy 49. 2 Chainz –– Pretty Girls Like Trap Music 48. Young Dolph, “100 Shots” 47. Roc Marciano –– Rosebudd’s Revenge 46. Bbymutha, “Roses” 45. Sahbabii, “Pull Up wit ah Stick” 44. Nef the Pharaoh, “Bling Blaow” 43. J Hus –– Common Sense 42. 21 Savage –– Issa Album 41. Cardi B, “Bodak Yellow” 40. Deniro Farrar, “Can’t Touch Me” 39. Lor Jugg & Bandhunta Izzy, “Back At It” 38. G Herbo –– Humble Beast 37. billy woods, “Police Came To My Show” 36. French Montana, “Unforgettable” f/ Swae Lee 35. Rich Homie Quan –– Back to the Basics 34. Lil B –– Black Ken 33. Nipsey Hussle, “Rap Niggas” 32. A$AP Ferg, “Plain Jane” 31. Young Thug –– Beautiful Thugger Girls 30. Migos –– CULTURE 29. Playboi Carti, “Magnolia” 28. Why Khaliq –– The Mustard Seed 27. Snoop Dogg –– Neva Left 26. C Struggs, “Go to Jesus” 25. Lor Choc, “Fast Life” 24. RJ, “Blammer” 23. Tee Grizzley, “First Day Out” 22. OMB Peezy, “Lay Down” 21. Boosie –– BooPac 20. Meek Mill –– Wins & Losses 19. Kodak Black, “Patty Cake” 18. Drakeo –– Cold Devil 17. Don Trip & Starlito –– Step Brothers THREE 16. milo –– who told you to think??!!?!?!?! 15. 03 Greedo –– Money Changes Everything; Purple Summer 03; First Night Out 14. DJ Quik & Problem –– Rosecrans 13. Nocando, “1998″ 12. Goldlink, “Crew” f/ Shy Glizzy & Brent Faiyaz 11. Mach-Hommy –– Haitian Body Odor 10. Lil Uzi Vert, “XO Tour Llif3″ 9. Jay-Z, “The Story of O.J.” 8. G Perico –– All Blue & 2 Tha Left 7. Kendrick Lamar –– DAMN. 6. Tay-K, “The Race” 5. NBA Youngboy, “No Smoke” 4. Future –– HNDRXX 3. Armand Hammer –– ROME 2. Creek Boyz, “With My Team” 1. Open Mike Eagle –– Brick Body Kids Still Daydream

#rap #hip-hop #hip hop #best rap #best rap 2017

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clearly-clarity · 7 years ago

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21 (excuse to rant :)) 10 (replace 2015 with 2018 lmao) 15, 20, 34, 42, 47!!

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

well, gee, where should i start?

okay so. yesterday my internet decided to be like, “you know what? i’m gonna go on a vacation, never mind the fact that i’m being paid to work, and fuck all the people back home!” so it went on a vacation. to the caribbeans, or japan or something because everyone wants to go to japan nowadays. anyway it packed its bags and off it went, leaving not even its child behind because sometimes internets like to go on a trip and its child tries to pick up the work but does it badly, which is why we have bad internet.

but noooo. not a trace. as a result: no internet whatsoever. no lights were on the mouter or routem or whatever it’s called. i tried to unplug and replug and even pressed a pen then a fucking pin inside the reset the router hole and guess what? nothing worked. i tried wrangling it to see if it helps because that sometimes works, and by sometimes i mean like 0.11% of the time because the other 99.89% of the time it just breaks, but at that point i was desperate enough to do anything. and anyway spoilers, it didn’t work.

so i was like FINE. i’ll read instead. i’m a strong independent almost-woman who don’t need no internet. that lasted me through yesterday afternoon. then, this morning i woke up thinking, “wow! it’s a good day! i slept quite well, and i bet internet’s come back from its vacation too!” i’m sorry to disappoint: it did not. i tried wrangling it a little more. “call the provider!” my girlfriend said. “call the provider!” my dad said. “call the provider!” ryansmith0193 on techforums.net said. but well, you see, i have this thing called anxiety, and basically in a nutshell if i call a stranger on the phone i die. it’s pretty serious.

unfortunately given the choice of no internet or dying i prefer the latter, so i called the person thing. i hung up like three times before pushing through during the fourth, and this guy picked up, and i was already on my way out of this mortal coil but i told him that my internet ran away from home, and he was like “what’s your SNCOSINICNIWONIAOFO serial number?” and that made me lose like 10 years of my life, and i tried looking for it. but because i didnt want to wrangle the thing more i wasnt able to look at the back. and i couldnt find it after like ten minutes so the guy became impatient and hung up. at that point i was like, literally dead. i thrive on the internet like you regular mortals thrive on water, and i also pissed a stranger off. so yeah i died.

anyway it’s still not fixed and im sitting on an uncomfortable leather chair at ymca instead of the comfort of my own home. but otherwise i’m having a peachy day! : )

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018?

sure, heh, i’m going to college and i’ll probably get a job and everything, i’ll be living in somewhere literally opposite my home state, it’s definitely going to be quite a change

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

me? care about what other people say? hell no.

...hahahaha

well, it bothers me more when my family does it

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

bring back my internet and strangle it

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

probably junior year? when i was 16.. that was not a fun time

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

yeah, it’s mostly the same, i’m still playing video games and loving homura as usual... except now that i’m out of high school and i have a girlfriend! so it’s a slight improvement!

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

yeesss, very often, i also re-read conversations ive had with my friends

#asks #ask meme #long post #im so ufcking mad #homurat

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canaryatlaw · 7 years ago

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So today was good! I think it took even longer for me to convince myself to get out of bed, like a full 6 minutes, but I made it happen at least. Got to work by 8:55, and checked in with my boss pretty soon after since the case I was supposed to handle was set for 9:30. It was just up for status on service so I only had to take notes really, I didn't need to do anything else because service isn't my responsibility, it's the ASA's. So we go down to court pretty soon after and wait as people trickle in and they figure out who from what case is there so what can we call. Our caseworker was there but mom was nowhere to be found, so we waited a solid hour before calling the case. It was simple enough, the ASA took testimony from the caseworker about talking to mom about today's court date and we found her in default. Done. So I just hang out in the court room because there were a lot of cases going on and it was fairly eventful. One of the PD's from the child death case that I actually kind of like was in the courtroom waiting for a trial to be called (she's in the conflict division so they're not assigned to a certain courtroom) and everyone was kind of just in a joking pleasant mood for most of the morning. So a solid hour after we do our case, my boss comes over and is like GUESS WHO'S HERE and if you guessed mom and crazy godmother who both look like they were completely strung out on drugs, you'd be right! So looks like we're recalling the case. Unfortunately the caseworker had already left, but we were able to get the appointed a PD and the ASA took brief testimony regarding her and the dad (he's deceased) and the whole time she was like "yes I'll cooperate with the judge and do whatever he says" and I'm just thinking lol does that include kicking out your sex offender boyfriend you insist you're going to marry? The real kicker though came at the end when they set a trial date (it got set for after I'll be done for the summer sadly so I can't do it) crazy godmother came up and the PD was like "oh yes this is the godmother she wants to become the foster parent and be supportive blah blah blah" and as soon as they said her name I started furiously tapping my boss (who was standing next to me to figure out a date) because this lady was the original foster parent this poor little girl was with for like, 3 days before having to get moved because she let mom visit when the investigator specifically said she can't see the girl until court, was constantly calling the caseworker about getting more money, and other problematic things. So I relay all of this to my boss and her eyes just like go wide and she's like "call the caseworker as soon as we go back upstairs and tell her all of this." So even though I didn't say anything significant on the actual record I felt accomplished for catching that because I don't think this caseworker was on the case when this lady was the foster parent. So then I'm filling out the visitation order and my boss is telling me what to write and I'm just like "what about mom's sex offender boyfriend?" And she's just like "say what now??" Haha she's yet to read the file because I've been dealing with everything on the case thus far so she was happy I brought that up haha and we made it part of the order that he can't have any contact of course, so I felt overall accomplished with my contributions for the morning. We went back upstairs since it was past noon at this point (court had to get through at least the first witness of their trial before they could break for lunch) so I ate lunch and left a message for the caseworker, who I called again later but she didn't pick up, so I'll have to try again tomorrow. At 1:30 I go down with my boss to what's called a benchmark hearing, which is a special program for kids 18-21 where they're one on one with the judge, along with the GAL (us) and caseworker. It was a kid who my boss had had the case of for a long time. Apparently he had been in the juvenile temporary detention center, located in our building (uck) for 489 days (!!!) on an aggravated robbery charge, which would've put him there while we were doing the project there last spring break (he got out last August). It was very interesting from a legal perspective because the charge used to be a mandatory transfer to adult court but it was currently in question in front of the Supreme Court of IL so pending the decision it was kicked back down to juvenile court, so he majorly avoided a potentially huge sentence there, and then my boss got to go down to the actual criminal court and argue for him to be released on electronic monitoring before his 18th Birthday so he would've be transferred to cook county jail (which is a fucking nightmare, trust me) and she was successful, so that was cool. Kid was nice enough, the hearing was kind of amusing because it was almost all the judge kind of lecturing the kid on stuff haha but he's honestly doing really good, he just graduated from high school (which like I've mentioned is huge for foster kids) and has some good job and school opportunities. It was funny because he was getting lectured on unprotected sex and we'd and like, this poor kid lol. My boss and I are gonna go visit him next week, so we set that up. Back upstairs, and I went over the work I did for my boss on two assignments from Monday and Tuesday. She told me I was a really good writer and encouraged me to contest my legal writing grade, because I had told her earlier I had gotten a B and I was pissed about it, so I'm gonna look into that. After that I went back to my lovely prison phone calls, where both parents continued to be out of their fucking minds (actual quote: "I don't know why they won't let me back at the YMCA, I never meant to offend any Chinese people") and then I spoke with the lawyer about them and she told me even crazier stuff they try in court and like, their lawyers are trying for return home and filing incessant motions even though the goal just got changed to termination. Nuts. I also went to check in with my boss from last semester, because the child death case is up for ruling tomorrow at 11, so I went and chatted with him about that and he said he of course wanted me there as his second chair (he's so sweet, I can't wait to use him as a reference for jobs haha) so I'm excited for that. He was nervous the judge isn't gonna terminate on the dad of the oldest 3 kids, but I don't see how he couldn't at this point. I guess we'll see though. It should be good, it'll feel nice to have some resolution after working on this case since February, hopefully knowing these kids will be getting adopted and never have to see their monster of a mother again (which is what all of them very much want after watching her kill their little brother). Left soon after that and headed downtown because I had to run to target to pick up a prescription, but sadly it wasn't the one I thought it was gonna be so I'm gonna have to go back for that one at some point too. I took the pink line down there and it was super crowded, then I took the red line back home which I hadn't been on in like a month, and it was even more crowded and I wanted to bang my head against the all until it thinned out, lol. Got home and made dinner quickly, then started the last few episodes of the justice league animated series I've been watching. Honestly I was very impressed with the quality of this show. A lot of the plots were really fucking good, better than some of the current live action show plots by a long shot (like several times I was like why couldn't this character have done this instead???) and it was overall very enjoyable. The final episodes were a bit of a twist, I was digging the green lantern/hawkgirl romance, and then of course hawkdouche shows up and ruins things but THEN he's a villain and of fucking course he is that douche always was lol. So that was good. Right after I paused for a few minutes to set up my ice cream maker haha then started justice league unlimited, which from what I can tell is in the same continuity but with additional characters, notably the green arrow. I was happy about this because I adore the green arrow as a superhero, just not the fucking Arrow version that's inaccurate AF to the comics and I hate that whenever I tell someone he's my favorite superhero now I have to qualify it with "but not the arrow version!!" Lol. But he was great to watch, and the other characters were enjoyable as well. As I watched I read fic and did other internet stuff that was good, and then I got ready for bed and here we are. I felt tired a good amount of time into the morning, so I'm gonna try to go to bed right after I finish this and hopefully get at least an hour more of sleep, and on that note I will end it here so I can get to that. So goodnight my dears. Stay awesome.

#daily journal #June 2017

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wmucradio · 8 years ago

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Q & A with Gabrielle Smith of Ó (formerly Eskimeaux)

On April 12th, I attended a show at the Black Cat featuring the band formerly known as Eskimeaux* as the opening act, followed by Why? It was the first time I had been able to see Gabrielle Smith and her gang perform live, so I was very excited. The show was incredible, and the band was very tight. Every pause or idiosyncratic beat was facilitated expertly by Felix and Gabrielle, followed by head nods and curtsies between Oliver and Jack. The band is a joy to watch live, as you can see and feel their chemistry in every song. The set included many of my personal favorites, along with a few previews of new material. Following their set, I met with Gabrielle for a “brief” interview that ended up lasting over an hour. I can only speak for myself when I say this, but our correspondence felt more like catching up with an old friend than it did an interview. Gabrielle Smith is honestly one of the most pleasant human beings I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I have transcribed questions from the interview below.

*Since this interview, the band has changed their name to Ó. This came to fruition following a confrontation with Inuk throat singer, Tanya Tagaq, in which she made clear that the term “Eskimo” is considered derogatory by much of the Inuit population.

Q: What music did you grow up on?

A: When I was growing up my parents were really into Carol King, the Carpenters, and I grew up in choirs. So I was always performing, thinking about, and singing really weird hymns. A lot of Hallelujah and stuff like that. And my grandma is a pianist, so she would always play really good classical stuff.

Q: Was that when you started with music making? (Like when you were a kid, through choir, or did you do other things?)

A: Yeah, it was between that and I took violin lessons when I was growing up. But I didn’t really think of it as “making music.” I feel like when I was little I didn’t understand that choir, and orchestra, and Ace of Base were the same thing. There was this really big separation for me between musician, which I didn’t understand as being human, and the product. I sort of knew phonetically El-ton John and Ce-line Di-on, and Ace of Base. But didn’t understand that they were people until I was much older.

Q: Was it sort of like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real?

A: It’s kind of the same thing. You’re like “Oh my god, someone made this. This is like art, I guess. Woah.”

Q: Are you still coping with that realization?

A: It’s kind of hard to. I feel like making music and doing this has made it clear that musicians are human beings. But I still didn’t connect some of my favorite ones. Like Why? for example. I was like “I could probably meet so-and-so if I networked this way.” Or “I bet this person through this person knows person X.”

Q: So it’s still kind of non-people with artists that you’re into?

A: Yeah. I mean, especially ones from my younger years.

Q: Did you have any specific female influences in your life when it comes to songwriting or even getting into instruments?

A: Yeah. Definitely Bjork was a huge one. Joanna Newsom. So amazing. So amazing. It’s unreasonable. I remember hearing her for the first time. There was this kid that went to a different high school. I thought he was so cool. He had a band, and wore scarves, and was very glam. He had “The Book of Right On” on his Myspace page, and I was like “What is this? I’ve never heard anything like this before. This is so amazing. It’s kind of annoying and it’s so brilliant. And the lyrics are so amazing. And I’ve never noticed lyrics before. And holy sh*t.” It was a huge realization. So, Joanna Newsom. Really big one. And probably Greta, from Frankie Cosmos.

Q: I was actually going to ask you about shaving your head. Because I know you’ve done it, she’s (Greta) done it, and so has Adrianne Lenker from Big Thief. I was wondering if it was significant in some way or if you all just did it?

A: So, I was on tour with Oliver’s project, Bellows, and Felix’s project, Told Slant, and The Hotelier. Pride Weekend happened and my friend Meghan shaved her head, and I was like “Wow. You look so hot and cool. I just think I need to know if I could do it.”

Q: Are you into any other art form? Because I know that you went to University of the Arts.

A: For like a second. I went for like a month. It was so bad. Not that the University of the Arts was bad, I was bad. I just felt like they… First of all, I wanted to go for animation. And they were like you could go for animation or you could go for film and we’ll give you a half scholarship. And I was like “okay, what’s the jig here?” And I never found out because I only stayed for a month. I basically got offered to go on a tour with this band, and then I said yes. And then I called my parents from Indiana. And I was like “I’ve been on tour for a week, and I’m not in school. So…”

Q: How did they take that?

A: They were really pissed, obviously.

Q: When did they finally come around- Have they come around?

A: They’ve come around. They came around. I mean, my parents have always been really supportive. But they really, really, came around after Frankie Cosmos played at the MOMA. That was the moment, they were like “Oh, this is cool.”

Q: Was it a hard decision for you?

A: I didn’t like it at all. I was miserable. We were just watching Westerns, and it’s so unreasonable. There were kids in my class that had turtlenecks and low pony tails. It was like the black turtleneck with the round glasses, the low pony tail, and the beret was what really pushed it over the edge for me. You can do anything you want. You can dress that way and it’s totally fine! I just think that sitting in a class talking about which Western is the best in the summer, while wearing those things. And that being said, it was really air-conditioned, so I kinda wished I was wearing it too. But I didn’t give in. My point is that these kids just took themselves really seriously. And I feel that the point of art school is that you’re supposed to unlearn everything you know so that these professors can say “this is how you do it. This is what art school is all about. This is the technique you never knew. If you don’t allow us to fully give you what we know, you’ll just waste your money here.” But these kids were like “my name is Remington.” I don’t know how else to explain it. It was just a vibe that I got. The kids were just super like “I was the weird kid in my town in New Jersey.” That’s also fine. I don’t know, I feel really stuck-up saying all this, but. My priorities were just elsewhere. I also think I wasn’t ready to go to college, realistically.

Q: Were you trained on the instruments that you play now, or were you self-taught?

A: I took piano lessons very minimally from my grandma. It was nice, except I was an asshole. She was teaching me about all these important things like scales and I was super not interested in what she had to say. I was like “Piano sucks.” It’s super overwhelming. It looks like nothing, so it’s just really weird. But lo and behold, I play keyboard in Oliver’s band. Well, I play synth. It’s more like pushing a button and turning the knob. I do know the chords!

Q: How was growing up in New York? Did you feel like you had a normal childhood?

A: I think so. My parents work so hard. My dad is a lawyer. And my mom’s had a bunch of different jobs, but they’ve always in the finance department of whatever thing she’s doing. Right now, she works at this humongous insurance company. I think they insure business, so like malpractice insurance. I only know this because I worked there for a little while, and they gave me this really fancy title. I was a “Junior Financial Analyst.” However, I was scanning W-9 forms and digitizing their clientele. I was basically a scanner.

Q: It’s fine. I just gave myself a job. My sister has this madrigal group so I made myself their “administrator.” But now I’ve actually started to do things!

A: What are you doing?

Q: I’m booking a gig for them! It’s crazy.

A: Wow, a madrigal choir. That’s so cool. I love that.

Q: My sister’s all about renaissance music. I’ll be listening to my music in the car and she’ll just be like “can I put on my recital repertoire?” and I’ll be like “Oh my god, okay fine.” And it just completely ruins my day, but it’s fine. She’s actually really good, so I don’t mind. But I don’t really like other people’s voices.

A: There was one day where for a few minutes we listened to Gregorian chants. And it was so amazing. Jack is really into this mash-up artist named Neil Cicierega. He just came out with a new record Mouth Moods. So, you should totally check it out.

Q: Is it what it sounds like it’s going to be?

A: Yeah. Well, he’s really about All Star by Smash Mouth.

Q: Why is everyone all about that song?

A: It’s just what it is.

Q: SO confusing.

A: It’s just the most amazingly horrific pump-up jam. You’re just like “yeah, I think I can do whatever I set out to do today.” So one day, this guy, Neil Cicierega, decided to mash up the YMCA to the Inception soundtrack. It’s really moving and really emotional. So we’ve been pranked a lot with that. You should just listen to it. It’s bad to describe it. You should listen to it even though you shouldn’t.

Q: I understand. Back to All-Star, the radio station played All-Star for 24 hours straight once.

A: That’s like two- two stories about that. One day, we tried to listen to Build This Pool by Blink-182. We tried to take the 45 minute challenge. We made it like 10 minutes I would say, but we had to stop. The other story is that I used to go to this camp, called Camp Lohikan. It was on the New York/Pennsylvania border. It was a really shi*ty camp. But the camp owner thought it would be really funny to play Hero by Enrique Iglesias for a full day over the loud speaker for the entire day of camp. So I forever know all the words to that song. We tried to cover Hero actually. We learned it one time, but forgot it since. So, we’ll have to learn it again!

Q: If you weren’t doing music what would be doing? What would your dream job be? Because I’m assuming this is your dream job.

A: It is my dream job, definitely. Well, I have this back-up plan. Which requires a lot of money. So it’s not really a good Plan B. But my friend and I are super passionate about animals. She works at the ACCT in Philadelphia. It’s a kill shelter, but her job is getting animals to rescue. So she calls rescues all day to promote animals that are ready to be adopted. She’s very cool. We have this pipe dream to have an animal sanctuary. And there was a moment this year, I guess it was last year, where I was just feeling super down on everything. I was like “What the f*ck am I doing? Why am I doing this? What does this mean? This is super weird. Well, you know. This is such a weird job. And it’s based on validation which doesn’t always come. Or like when you’re not on an album cycle, what are you doing? You’re just living your life and it’s weird. And I grew up in a choir, so being like “listen to me” is a weird impulse that I don’t really possess naturally. So anyway, I was having this whole moment of crisis, and then I called up my friend. We were talking about it and saying “we could just have an animal sanctuary.” And she was like “There are a bunch of goats in my job right now. You should come down and pet the goats.” And I was like “I can’t come down, because if I pet the goats I’m going to take them home.”

We discussed the pros and cons of having a goat as a pet in New York City, but decided that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea. However, according to Gabby, a goat would likely be one of the few animals that would understand her dog. She’s had her dog, Frankie, for 4 years. He’s a smallish pitbull-esque dog that a lot of their neighborhood kids are scared of. However, Gabby stated that he’s a very good “muffin.” We talked a little bit about the Chinese zodiac, along with the origin of the line “2011, the Year of the Rabbit.” (It was a “really good rhyme” that was incidentally true!) This led to a discussion about reading horoscopes and being a Taurus.

Q: What do you embody about a Taurus?

A: Well, we’re really stubborn. And we love food and money. And aren’t really good about either of those things. In that, because I have such a high standard for what food should be like, I’m really picky about quality. Though I’ve been trying to get better because obviously touring is a nightmare. It’s more of just like an “oh my god, this texture is disgusting” type of thing. I’m really weird about food. Like, I don’t like fruit. Yeah, none of it, it’s gross. I mean, I like lemons and limes.

We discussed the correctness of calling lemons and limes, “fruits.” Ultimately, we decided to be honest and call it what it is. They’re more along the lines of sauces and stuff to make lemonade with. Lemonade, according to Gabby, is just “sauce in a cup.” Back-up Plan C for Gabby may well end up being “Cup Sauce” lemonade. She’s even come up with the slogan: “Buy it. Do you like it?” A slogan that I immediately shot down and told her that she’d likely need to hire a better PR person. Gabby then brought up her stage banter during her set and said it’s not very good at selling. I, however, disagreed. Her understated and meek “thank you’s” perfectly compliment the direct tone in her songs.

She did tell the crowd earlier in the night that she was in a really bad mood. An issue that started earlier in the day with a looming phone call that she had already pushed back. The ride to DC was also stressing her out, and causing her to be angry and grumpy. (Something that I could never imagine!) She was able to turn it around though, and it ended up being totally fine. There were also some issues with the voltage of her second-hand Japanese amp. She was getting shocked during soundcheck but the sound guy helped her out with all the technical bullsh*t!

Q: Have you ever felt that you’ve had something to prove, because you are a female musician, to people who might know a lot about the technical stuff and things like that?

A: I think that I did when I was younger and first starting. I feel like I was really, really, adamant about being my own producer and recording everything myself. And whenever I enlisted the help of other people, it was as an arrangement kind of thing. I had a really big, well it wasn’t a really big deal, but I had this other bandmate who was a man. For a while, it was just the two of us. And a lot of times, people would come up to him, asking him questions. Or they’d be like “producer, Him, and songstress, Gabrielle Smith.” It was just like “Ew. F*ck. Uh, no.” So it took a lot to kind of re-write that. But, that being said, I am super, super, lucky. All of my friends have been supportive and treat me as an equal even though most of them are male. We all share secrets about songwriting with each other, and it’s this super reciprocally nice supportive process. So I’ve been in a bubble basically, for my whole coming up time. (She’s referring to her music collective here.) It’s been easy in that way, but I do think that people, even on this tour don’t assume- like, I work my own merch table, and a lot of times people are like “oh, is this the opening band? Are they good?” And they just assume that I’m not in the band. Most times, people generally know who we are before we get there. Yeah, it’s been really chill, to answer your question. I feel like it was harder when I was younger, but now I don’t really care, so I don’t think about it.

Q: What are you working on now?

A: I feel like, usually all of my songs have already come out before we come out with an official record. So yeah, this time, we have a whole record written. I’ve written a couple more songs on this tour that I want to see if they’re better than some of the other songs. Because some of them are kind of like- they’re good, but they don’t make sense on the record.

Q: Is there a theme that they’re not fitting?

A: Well yeah. The record, I think, the overarching theme, is sort of the opposite of O.K. Where O.K. was very like “and this moment is this, and I’m in love with this person!” and “ this moment is this, and I like you.” And “this is how you’re affecting me in this moment.” It was very descriptive of external observation and how I was feeling about them. The new songs are a lot more internal, and more about trying really, really, hard to exist in the present and not being able to fully be there. It’s a lot more impressionistic. There’s more color rather than nature. It’s a lot more internal and hard to escape yourself kind of feeling.

Q: And this was around the time you were having your “goat moment”?

A: Oh yeah! So sick- I’m gonna call it that from now on.

Her hope is that the band will hit the studio after this tour and the next tour (w/ Frankie Cosmos). She’s hoping they’ll be done tracking the record by July, and that it’ll be done and ready to release by the Fall. She’s very excited about it. In a new song, there’s even a visual of a goat that is trying to stand on a moving truck bed, but is having a difficult time standing up. She was hoping they would play this new song on tour, but they couldn’t due to instrumentation needs.

Q: What’s your favorite part about coming to DC?

A: Well, usually. This is going to sound like a humble brag, but I’m really good buddies with Bob Boilen. He’s the best, and so nice. Kate Tempest is in town, and he was like “I’m so sorry, I can’t come to the show. Usually you know that I’d come make it work, but you’re playing at exactly the same time as Kate Tempest. She never comes here, so.” And I was like “it’s totally fine,” but now I’m really sad. We just like chill. He’s so chill. The last time I saw him, Eskimeaux came here and played at Rock and Roll hotel with Japanese Breakfast, and he stopped by the NPR office. And we had written this Christmas song the night before that we performed on All Songs Considered. It’s really good. I actually stole- for one of the new songs that we played tonight, I realized that I actually stole one of the melodies and chord progressions from the Christmas song. And I had to text Michelle and be like “I hope this is okay. I’m really into this song that I just wrote, but I know that I stole the “Christmas tree-ee” part, and I know that it’s maybe not chill to do that. And she was like “oh my god, it’s fine.”

We then discussed the fact that interning at NPR’s Tiny Desk is my dream, our love for HBO’s Bored to Death, and methods for figuring out the name of someone you’ve forgotten. If you’re wondering, the right way to do it is by introducing another friend to the aforementioned forgotten friend, and just hope that they’ll say their name.

Gabby told me about her favorite things about touring: amazing food and being touristy. (Places that she recommended include White Sands National Park and Meow Wolf in Santa Fe.) Along with seeing friends from other cities and getting to tour with bands that are super inspirational to her.

“This is so surreal, and it’s really amazing that I was able to get so out of it that I was in a bad mood.”

When I told her that it was completely human to feel bad, and that she shouldn’t be apologizing or feeling bad for feeling bad, she said something that made me realize what an amazing artist (and person) she is.

“I just want so badly to not normalize this experience at all- and have it be this overwhelmingly amazing thing.”

We talked a bit more about the pros and cons of touring. According to Gabby, the worst thing about tour is that she’s not as available to be a good friend. It’s hard to be like “just so you know, I’m still your friend. Tell me if you need anything, I love you.” Another things is navigating her coffee addiction. Something that started when she was working at a coffee shop in New York. She told me a bit about her experience there, which she asked to have off the record. She now drinks two cups a day, but Oliver is on a very rigorous coffee schedule. She goes along with it, but now has gotten into buying tinctures, so that she won’t need coffee as much. Apparently they taste like sh*t, but she’s been putting it into Kevita. (Which is basically just “bubbly cup sauce.”)

Q: Super weird question, but would you be willing to take a mirror selfie with me?

Written and transcribed By No Boys Allowed DJ Ava Mirzadegan

#dc #interviews

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ohgoditsamy · 8 years ago

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Am I a clean or messy person? Relatively clean Am I a tea or coffee person? Tea all the way! Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Neither Am I afraid of heights? Not really Am I allergic to anything? I hope not Am I an early bird or a night owl? Definitely a night owl Am I an extrovert or introvert? Introvert Am I an innie or an outie? Innie Am I easily embarrassed? Definitely Am I in a relationship? Yup! Am I left or right handed? Leftie! Am I much of a daredevil? I wish.. Am I scared of the dark? No Am I social? Uh I guess Am I superstitious? It depends Am I ticklish? Oh god.. Can I bake? Not well Can I cook? Again, not well Can I curl my tongue? Yup Can I dance? Uh.. I can do the charleston, the macarena, YMCA.. so uh Can I drive? Nearly!! Can I juggle? Lol nah Can I play poker? Lol nah Can I roll my r’s? You bet Can I sing? Well I’m not tone deaf but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I can sing Can I spell well? I hope so Can I swim? Yup Can I wiggle my ears? Kinda?? Do I correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes.. Do I have a collection of anything? 50p’s, squashed pennies, cool money Do I have a strong accent? Nah Do I have any nicknames? “Weema” - my dad Do I have any pet peeves? Bad grammar, when people spell it “defiantely”, people who put the milk in first Do I have any piercings? Nah Do I have any strange phobias? Let me think about that one idk Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? Probably 50/50 Do I have much of an ego? God no Do I judge a book by its cover? Uh, I guess as first impressions Do I like bubble baths? Too right Do I like classical music? Yeah Do I like clowns? Nope Do I like my handwriting? God no Do I like roller-coasters? Sure Do I like scary movies? Yeah Do I like shopping? Yup Do I like to gossip? Not really Do I like to talk on the phone? Depends who it’s to Do I like travelling? Yeeeepp Do I play any instruments? Piano! Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Of Do I smile at strangers? I try to Do I suck or bite lollipops? Suck, cheeky Do I talk to myself? Yup Do I tend to hold grudges? Unfortunately Do I use earphones or headphones? Earphones, but I prefer headphones Do I use sarcasm a lot? Dunno man, do I Do I want any tattoos? Some cute flowery ones Do I wear glasses? I did for a year? But now I don’t need them? Have I ever been on a plane? Once Have I ever been on tv? Not that I remember lmao Have I ever been to the hospital? Yup Have I ever crashed a car? Not yet Have I ever got in trouble with the law? Not yet Have I ever had a rumour spread about me? Well if it was, I dunno about it Have I ever had braces? Nope but soon I will Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yup Have I ever skipped school? Yup, karma got me though Have I ever started a rumour? Idk I hope not Have I ever thrown up in the car? Uh?? I dunno man How long does it take for me to get ready? Not long, I spend most of my getting ready time drinking tea How many relationships have I ever had? Just the one How old was I when I first got my period? I dunno like 12 How tall am I? 5ft 8? What am I most likely to be doing when I am outside? Walking most probably What am I usually doing on a Friday night? Sitting in bed What are my favourite bands? God um, Arctic Monkeys, Two Door Cinema Club, RHCP, Green Day, Gorillaz - idk it changes every 10 minutes What are my favourite flowers? Roses, Daffodils What can I smell in the air? Not much really, maybe shea perfume What colours mostly dominate my wardrobe? Black, blue, crimson What is my appearance like? Pale complexion, brown hair, blue eyes What is my culture? Idk, white british? Is that right? What is my current wallpaper on my phone? A collage of the same picture of my boyfriends face What is my full name and why did I get it? Amy Helen Blackford, because my parents chose it lmao What is my greatest strength? Lmao probably art, I’m just mediocre at everything What is my greatest weakness? Nerves. What is my guilty pleasure? The 80s What is my Hogwarts house? Ravenclaw What is my most expensive piece of clothing? Uh a pair of duck egg coloured docs at a guess What is my most heavily used makeup product? Revolution Flawless Matte 2 What is my most used phrase? Currently “lmao” or “man” cause I’m a generic piece of shit What is my most used word? I don’t really have a personal word count so.. What is my personality like? A bit bland, occasionally funny, easily pissed off, indecisive, persistent, annoying What is my personality type? INTP? Idk I had to google this one What is my religion? Unspecified, I’m not bound to a religion and I as never baptised - who knows what / if I’ll be. What is my spirit animal? What is my strangest talent? Uh, this is a weird one but if I were to place my hands as if I were to clap them I can make a weird ass fart noise with my hands?? I haven’t got any decent talents. I’m a bit useless. Oh wait I can cross my legs twice too What is my zodiac sign? Gemini What is one trend that I completely bought into? The 90s trend? What is something I can’t do no matter how hard I try? Fucking piano exams. Playing piano in front of people. Guitar. What is something I hated as a child that I like now? God, too many things. Eminem, the colour pink, more feminine things What is the last thing I bought? Other than my final set of driving lessons, I bought my boyfriend Mass Effect Andromeda What is the longest I’ve ever gone without sleep? Probably like 20 hours? 22? What is the pet I would like to have? Just more dogs, oh, and a fox What is the worst injury I’ve ever gotten? Spraining my wrist, I’m a bore What language do I want to learn? I know some French, but I’d like to be fluent What video games do I play when I want to relax? Destiny, Overwatch, GTA V.. What was the last book I read? Black-Eyed Susans What was the last movie I saw? Ghost in the Shell, cinema last night What word do I always use as an exclamation? FUCK! What word do I always use to describe something great? Like anything positive, it can range from “cool” to “HOLY SHIT” Where do I currently live? Near Leicester, UK Which is my favourite season? Summer / Autumn

Favourites

What is my favourite accent? French, Russian, posh British (Southern), German, Italian.. most accents really What is my favourite animal? Just dogs, I fucking love dogs What is my favourite band? I dunno this! It changes every 10 minutes! What is my favourite childhood book? I had this giant bumper Disney book What is my favourite colour? Pastel pink, blues, yellows, greens What is my favourite drink? TEA. What is my favourite flavour of ice cream? Vanilla What is my favourite food to eat on a rainy day? Soup What is my favourite food to eat on a sunny day? Depends, if it’s hot then ice cream! What is my favourite number? 19, no reason it’s just a nice number What is my favourite place on the planet? Scotland What is my favourite radio station? Radio X What is my favourite sandwich? Ham, cheese, lettuce, cucumber and salsa (specifically Subway #NotSpon) What is my favourite snack? Tea and biscuits What is my favourite song? Currently Love by Lana Del Rey What is my favourite swear word? Fuck. It just fits every situation. What is my favourite word? I just came across the word “Idiosyncratic” meaning distinctive, individual and I love it. What is my favourite thing to wear? It’s generic but mom jeans, they’re comfortable as fuck and I have a pair with flowers on so they’re super pretty !

People

Do I remember the day I met …? My boyfriend. The day I met him. Hell yeah he was a weird kid standing on a table - he shook up an energy drink (specifically Rockstar Guava which I happen to love) and stabbed it with a pin so it spirted out. He continued to do this for a few days. Little did I know it was actually to get my attention specifically. How are my mother and I similar and different? We looked exactly the same at the age of 5. However she is very quick to judge people I am not so What are the compliments I have given other people? I like your outfit, makeup, eyes, hair, smile, eye colour, music taste, art skills What are the compliments people have given me? Nice outfit, You’re pretty What do my best friend and I have in common? We’re both gemini and left-handed. This is also my boyfriend. I have a few other close friends but idk if they consider me as close What gifts would I like to give everyone? Everything they want. Paints, anything yellow, games, clothes, anything. What if I could meet anyone on this planet – who would I choose? Bob Ross Where is my best friend? At work, sucks to be him. Which actors & actresses do I trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Leo DiCaprio, um.. Which teachers inspired me the most? None of my school teachers Who are my favourite characters? From what TV shows? Tony Stonem, Cassie Ainsworth - Skins. I can’t think of any film ones right now.. Who are my friends? Everyone in my college course, a few I met on Xbox Who are my parents? The ones who.. y’know, made me. Those people. Who are my sisters? Just the one, she’s annoying. Jk lmao. Who are the new people I met? – their names and where we met. Kirstyyy!! Met at college and became friends cause she was wearing an MCR shirt that day. Plus all the other folks at college. Who are the writers I trust enough to read anything they write? I need to fuckin read more. Who brings the sunshine on the days I see nothing but a grey sky? The bae lmao plus all my friends. Who is my best friend? I swear we have had this question. Who is my celebrity crush? 90s: Leo DiCaprio, Angelina Jolie, Winona Ryder. But also Kaya Scodelario, Chris Pratt. Mate just anyone if they’re famous and reasonably attractive. Who is my favourite youtuber? Emma Blackery, basically the only youtuber I still have the time and patience to watch Who is my role model? Probably Emma Blackery Who is my secret valentine? Secret one? Uh, the bae. SECRETS OUT LADS Who is someone I admire? Admiration and appreciate for Bob Ross if you please Who is someone that saved me? Nathan, from my cripplingly low self-confidence and ability to speak to people Who is the most intelligent person I know? This guy called Jamie, can play guitars ambidextrously, is a killer at maths and science. Who is the most supportive person in my life right now? Nathan and Kirsty thx u guys Who was the last person I texted? NATHAN Who would I like to go on a midnight adventure with? Idk man who was I just talkin about Who would I love to randomly see this week? Any friends, I love meeting up with friendos! Who would I really like to hug? NATHAAN Who would I really like to punch? NATHAAAAAAAAAN Why am I grateful for …? Who? Nathan? Cause he’s cool, talks about problems n shit, treatin me right Why am I grateful for dad? Cause he helps me out with a lot of shit Why am I grateful for mum? Same as dad to be fair

Music

A playlist for 12-year-old me - Every album ever written by; My Chemical Romance, Black Veil Brides, Fall Out Boy A playlist for throwback Thursday, Bohemian Rhapsody, Daydream Believer, Spin me around, Snow (Hey oh), I’m Just Here For The Free Beer A playlist for when I’m angry - Survival, This means war, Lake of Fire A playlist for when I’m in love - Spin Me Around, Love A playlist for when I’m in the mood to party My House, I’m not in love, Earthquake A playlist for when I’m sad - Everybody’s gotta learn sometime, Kitchen Sink A playlist of songs that I have on repeat - My house, Where the girls at, A playlist that makes me want to dance - Nancy Mulligan, Galway Girl A playlist that makes me want to sing - Mr Brightside, Ruby, Chelse Dagger, Don’t you want me A playlist to inspire me - Anything by Lana A playlist to listen to on the bus/train - Anything by Lana, Twenty one pilots A playlist with the classics - Like a Prayer, True Colours, A song that really speaks to me - I’m honestly not sure A song that was stuck in my head today - Love, by Lana Bands and their logos - Arctic Monkey’s logo is cool, as is Nirvana’s Song lyrics - “I wanna fuck a dog in the ass” lmao just the funniest lyrics I know from Blink 182 What are the first 6 songs when I put my playlist on shuffle? Semi-Automatic, Are you gonna be my girl, First Date, Blue Jeans, Walk, Lake of Fire What song always brings a smile to my face? Spin me around

Places

A place where the architecture made me want to wake up and see the city skyline every morning - Not that I’ve been there but New York A place where the customer service made me tip £100 - God I hope that’s not a thing A place where the memories were unforgettable - I know too many places for this A place where the nature made me want to live in the middle of nowhere - Scotlandddd A place where the people restored my faith in humanity - Scotlaaanddddd How to get to my favourite place - A seven hour ball-ache of a drive to..... SCOTTLAAAAANDDD Places I have never been to but want to see. Grand Canyon, Great Wall fo China, Great Barrier Reef, The Phillippines, Canada Somewhere I want to go before I die - Australia / America Somewhere I want to go before I turn 20 - ‘MURICAAA Somewhere I would rather be right now. - Wait for it.... SCOTLAAAAND What are the popular places in town? - In my town? The cinema, Costa? I dunno What is the worst place I’ve been to? Blackpool. Where is my favourite place to shop? Urban Outfitters Where was I born? George Eliot Hospital

Lists

A list of every single song on the albums released by my fav bands “fav” lmao I’m dying can I just list some good songs here thanks

Stolen Dance - Milky Chance Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey Trees - twenty one pilots Stan - Eminem Human - Rag’n’Bone Man Nancy Mulligan - Ed Sheeran

I cant think of any more

Every tom and jerry’s ice cream flavour (I want to try).

Fuck my LIFE all of them

Places I would like to see.

Grand Canyon Niagra Falls Cute beaches Mountains

Sounds I like.

Piano Birds Water

Sounds I dislike.

My dad shouting up the stairs at me : ))

Sports I like.

Badminton Basketball

Star signs.

Gemini? Idk??

The first 5 things I saw on my way home.

I only left the house for my driving lesson today idk

The first 5 words that come to mind.

I don’t know what to write

The main roman gods.

Is this a test

The main Greek gods.

Zeus. The end.

Things I don’t own but like.

Self appreciation

Things I want to buy.

An iPhone 6S, I have an iPhone 5S and the home button’s broken

Top 10 episodes to watch

Skins S1 Ep’s 1-9, then carry on. Just go past 10 episodes and finish S2.

Top 10 favourite quotes.

“What, you egg! [He stabs him]”

“Hamlet: O fuck. [Exit Hamlet]”

I probably have some favourite serious quotes but I forgot them

Top 10 movies to watch.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 10 Cloverfield Lane Every single Harry Potter Girl, Interrupted Every single Star Wars

Techically that’s more than 10

Top 10 people I want to meet.

I’m not even sure, Emma Blackery? Bob Ross if he were here?

Top 10 places in Manchester.

None I want to visit.

Top 10 restaurants I love.

Rossini’s, Prezzo (though I actually recently heard bad reviews so I may retract that one), Zizzi’s, Windsor Tiffin

What is the sentence on line 13 of page 23 in the book nearest to me?

The book nearest me is a Piano book and I’m not going to write sheet music on here. The song on Pg. 23 is called Here, There and Everywhere though

What movies do I watch when I’m feeling down?

Kids movies - Toy Story, Finding Nemo etc

What tv shows do I always recommend?

Sk-Sk-Sk.. SKINS

What were my favourite tv shows as a child?

Doctor Who (I accidentally just typed Doctor Whom and I’m pissing myself holy shit), Tracey Beaker, 50/50, Raven, Trapped! Drake and Josh

What words don’t seem real to me?

Albertopolis, Bindlestiff

Wish list

That fucking iPhone 6S

Experiences/Memories

A memory in summer

Walks down to a nearby village to have picnics

A memory in winter

A drunkard Christmas party in which I threw up on myself 3 times, twice missing a plastic bag as it was folded over and the sick just kinda rolled onto me.

A memory with my family.

Going to France

A memory with my friends.

Wetherspoons Wednesday!!

I’ll never forget the day (a teacher) did this.

Made me write a half page essay about a poem as I did not answer 3 questions on it for homework. I completed this essay in about 2 minutes having read the poem, she looked shocked I’d done it so fact so I got up and left.

Memories from high school

“Are you emo?” “Are you goth?” “You were a lot of black” None of this I do anymore.

Special moments I want to witness.

One of my mates weddings, he’s engaged

The story behind my first kiss

The most awkward peck on a street corner as a goodbye, however it was good

The story behind my last kiss

It simply just happened, probably again as a goodbye for the night

The stories behind my scars

I have a scar on my chin, about an inch and a half in length due to a birthmark I had removed at the age of 8.

What are the memories I never want to forget?

Basically everything the year I met Nathan and everything this year for these have been some of the happiest years of my life.

What is my saddest memory?

I recently lost a guinea pig I’d owned for 4 years, I hadn’t had the time to give her attention in the latter months of her life so I never really said goodbye to her. I’ll regret it forever.

What is the first thing I remember?

Being pushed down the slide by some bitch called Charlotte at the age of about 2. I was really pissed and blamed her up until about 6 months ago when I realised I was in fact the asshole as I was climbing up the slide. I didn’t see the problem with climbing up it until recently lmao

What is the funniest thing I remember?

Um.. itS SEXUAL SO... I’ll save it for another time.

What was my most embarrassing moment?

I was on a school trip, they took all of our water bottles off us on arriving at the destination. I was parched as I never got my water bottle back like everyone else, and when I did I drank the entire thing and it went through me. On the way home from the school trip I had to stop the entire double decker coach because I was about to piss myself.

What was the happiest day of my life?

Idk meeting Nathan for the first time and going on a three hour walk around my small village

What was the last concert I went to?

Busted, last May

What was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed?

Breathtaking views from Scottish Mountains?

What was the most disappointing thing in my life?

I’d been wanting a Nintendo DS lite for a good year, every time the adverts came on I’d scream about how I wanted the pink one. Did I get one? No. My younger sister, aged 4 at the time got one.

What was the most nervous I’ve ever been?

Holy shit there are so many examples, having teeth out etc.. Most recent though was a piano exam I was 100% prepared for, in the exam my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t play.

What was the saddest day of my life?

Finding out my boyfriend had done something which apparently I later found out he didn’t do, at the time I was distraught however.

When was I last scared for my life?

I don’t think I legitimately ever have been

Letters

A note to my favourite teachers. You were great.

Dear Nathan, I would like to tell you. That you’re awesome and you should love me forever lmao

Dear 5-year-old me. MAKE FRIENDS YOU FUCK

Dear 10-year-old me. GET PIANO LESSONS NOW YOU FUCK

Dear 13-year-old me. STOP BEING EMO YOU FUCK

Dear 15-year-old me. WELL DONE, YOU’RE IMPROVING BUT SORT UR HAIR OUT

Dear 16-year-old me. Ur gonna be fine, look at u now, cheer up man

Dear 18-year-old me. Get drunk, go on, ur 2 months ahead of me

Dear 21-year-old me. IF YOU DIDNT GRADUATE FROM UNI I WILL CRY

Dear 25-year-old me. I hope you have a house and your engaged or something decent, please have a job

Dear all the boys I’ve liked. Lmao why did I like you

Dear someone I need to forgive. You’re forgiven, whoever you are?

Letters to my future children. fuck off you sperm cells

Questions to answer

A wise person learns from the mistakes of others – do I agree? No, a person becomes wise from learning from their own mistakes.

Advice to any if the new kids at sf. At the what?

Am I a bad loser? It depends what it is :(((

Am I a good liar? If I want to be

Am I a writer? Hell I wish

Am I an artist? I mean sort of

Am I good at giving advice? Hell I wish

Am I happy with myself? Good joke

Am I happy with the person I’ve become? Well from what I was, yes

Am I the kind of friend I would like to have as a friend? Ew no

Books I always reread. Uh..

Can insanity bring on more creativity? I think so, sadness does

Do I admit when I’m wrong? Rarely

Do I believe that people are capable of change? Sometimes, but remember I said I hold grudges so I’d probably not trust you for years

Do I belong here? Belong where? I’m in bed so fuck yea

Do I hold grudges? WHAT WERE WE JUST TALKING ABOUT

Do I have trust issues? Yup..

Do I like confrontation? I can confront people, but I don’t like being confronted

Do I live or do I just exist? Existing, waiting to live.

Do I prefer to be on camera or behind it? Behind, but if I totally had the confidence I’d wanna be in there

Do I really want a cat? Cats are cool

Do I trust easily? What the fuck this is the same question, no I do not

Have I ever been bullied? Sorta?

Have I ever been on a date? I don’t even know lol

Have I ever felt like I wasn’t enough? All the time

Have I ever felt rejected by my friends/family? All the time

Have I ever had a friend turn into an enemy? Idk some former friends hate me, and I hate some former friends. No enemies, no arguments though.

Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Used to see someone walk around my dads house and hear banging in the loft - both stopped around the same time however so they’re probably related.

Have I ever had a public perception of me change from good to bad? Idk, Idk what “the public” think of me

Have I ever had a song or poem written about me? No but how cute would that be

Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? WHAT WAS I SAYING ABOUT PIANO.

Have I learnt from my mistakes? Yes but I never follow through cause I’m useless

How am I feeling? Useless man I should be doing college work

How do I find comfort when I’m sad? Tea and biscuits.

How do I vent my anger? Arguing, shouting.. it’s bad.

How do I want to be remembered? As a decent person

How could I avoid getting hurt? Pretend you’re not. Be sarcastic n fuckin take it like a truck.

How does a (any appliance around the home) work? Well you see, with a vacuum right, you plug it in and you turn it on. Then it sucks away the dirty shit on your floor. Why is this a question.

How I think will determine how I live – agree or not? Yeah, your thoughts impact your decisions, your decisions impact what happens around you.

How would I define my sense of humour? Sometimes dark, sometimes punny, memes, shit.

What am I like when I’m angry? Argumentative, aggressive, talk back

What am I most afraid of? Being forgotten, left behind

What are some things that stand between me and complete happiness? Self-confidence, nerves

What did I like about being a kid? Not giving a fuck

What did I want to be when I was younger? Fashion designer, teacher, hair dresser, doctor, F1 driver, artist.. you name it.

What do I admire most in others? Kindness, generosity, respectfulness

What do I hate about sf? WHAT THE FUCK IS SF

What do I hate most about myself? My huge ass nose, teeth, nerves, personality

What do I love most about myself? The fact my eyes are blue ?

What do I notice first when I see someone? Eyes

What do I think about selfies? Sometimes I take good ones

What do I think about the most? Tea

What do I think could be improved in the educational system? Pretty much all of it, the way personal and social skills is taught specifically.

What do I think people think of me? Annoying

What do I touch first when I stick my arms out? My dog

What do I wish I didn’t miss? Um?

What do I wish for every night? To be more productive, a cup of tea

What does a rainbow mean to me? Usually that it’s been raining, I’m pretty black and white.

What fictional character do I wish was real? None really?

What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Harry Potter or something, maybe X men. Have a wand or some special ability, it’d be cool.

What is an experience that has made me stronger? Getting a job which requires speaking to people

What is an item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? My half 50p necklace

What is my biggest dream and how do I plan on making it become a reality? Going travelling.. I have no idea how.

What is my biggest what if? What if I’d never met Nathan. Would I be a not talkative emo fuck

What is my greatest achievement? Designing the logo for my local carnival? Designing a company brochure (in the making)

What is my greatest failure? Hopefully not my driving test next week.

What is my secret weapon to get someone to like me? Uh. My killer dank memes.

What is one aspect of myself that I feel confident about? My makeup.

What is one thing I am interested in learning more about? North Korea

What is something that makes me feel vulnerable? My nerves and easy ability to be angry or upset by something

What is the best gift I’ve ever received? My half 50p necklace

What is the first thing I think of when I hear the word ‘heart’? FUcking hell.. the heart emoji. I want to die for that answer, but if I didn’t put it I’d be lying

What is the hardest lesson I have had to learn in life? What I do when I’m learning something, it won’t be perfect first time.

What is the ideal age to be and why? 18 forever, old enough to be responsible for yourself, young enough to go places and have fun.

What is the most scandalous situation I’ve ever been involved in? I broke into an abandoned house?

What is the nicest thing about a person? Their kindness

What is the single best decision I’ve made in my life so far? Switching to Graphic Design course over Art and Design cause the people on Art and Design were shit and I wasn’t happy.

What is the single worst decision I’ve made in my life so far? Being emo aged 12-15

What makes a great relationship? A good balance of friendship, love and lust.

What makes me smile? A good joke, hanging with friends What motivates me to succeed? University, the idea of success

What part of my life would I relive if I could? Most of my childhood?

What part of my life would I remove if I could? The old person part, I don’t wanna be frail, ill and dying unable to do anything and it’s just a waiting game to death.

What question am I afraid to tell the truth to? None really?

What questions would I ask to get to know someone better? What stuff they’re into?

What was I doing at 12am last night? Talking to friends

What was I like as a child and how did my personality change as I got older? More understanding, loving, friendly now

What was my favourite subject in school? Art What was the last lie I told? I can’t remember, who knows, I could’ve been lied to and I don’t know

What was the most ridiculous thing that made me cry? My piano exam, having my teeth out, several films, nothing

What will I do in university? GRAPHIC DESIGN BOI I’M EXCITED

What would I change about my sf? My what the fuck

What would I change about my life if you knew I would never die? Uh.. I don’t wanna not ever die it’d be lonely.

What would I change about the world? Be rid of the old arseholes in Government, disrespectful people, terrorists

What would I like to change this year? BE MORE PRODUCTIVE (ironic I’ve been doing this for over an hour)

What would I do differently if you knew that no one was judging me? Everything.

What would I do in the event of an apocalypse? Probably plan a living strategy

What would I have to see to cry tears of joy? Dogs.

What would I want written on my tombstone? Idk probably something funny like “Active 23 mins ago” or some quote I like

When did I experience stage fright or nervousness in front of a crowd? FUCKING. PIANO. EXAM.

When do I feel most at peace? In bed.

When did I last send a handwritten letter to someone? My french pen friend, year 8

When did I not speak up, when I know I really should have? Several times.

When did I witness something controversial and had to keep it a secret? I don’t think so

When was the last time I cried? Wednesdy, over my FUCKING PIANO EXAM

Where do I see myself in 10 years’ time? uh, in my own house I hope

Where do I want to live? Still not figured this one out

Where is the best place to get pizza? Rossini’s omg

Where would I go if I got a plane ticket to anywhere? ‘MURICAAA

Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? Brains

Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Used to just be girls but now both really

Who do I miss the most? No one?

Who do I need the most? Nobody cause IM A FREE WOMAN

Why couldn’t I get out of bed this morning? Because it’s me and I’m lazy.

Why couldn’t I sleep last night? Because it’s me and I’m shit.

Why do I hate insects? Because it’s me and I hate them.

Why do dogs hate me and I hate them? Wait what no

Will you lend me a hand – how do I think this idiom got started? Because I can’t carry something or I’m confused

Would I ever spread gossip? I hope not

Would people consider me a diva? I hope not? I don;t think I am?

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