#also I thought the tampons I use most often are 'normal' and the other ones are 'mini'

[liebelesbe]

using a period blood calculator thingy to figure out how much blood I'm losing & I'm on the very beginning of day 3 of my period and it's already super close to 'an above average amount' 😐 so that might actually be the reason for my iron deficiency

[intersex-support]

Hi, I know this is something I really need to talk to a doctor about but I'm still trying to see a gynecologist and endocrinologist so in the meantime I figured I'd ask here in case anyone knows what this is

So I recently found out that it isn't normal to get intense clitoris pain but it's something that I experience extremely frequently, not just when doing sexual things but also when I insert q-tips into my ear I get a stabbing pain down there for example and even just going about my daily life there's a constant pressure around the area (feels like something is weighing it down) to the point where sometime I try to masturbate just to disrupt the sensation a little (but masturbating hurts so it doesn't actually take the pain away)

In addition to that my vaginal opening is extremely tight, I cannot use tampons or insert anything in there and the passage is just extremely narrow, when I'm aroused this does not change.

I know I experience some kind of hormonal or adjacent disorder because my periods are incredibly irregular, I'll skip months at a time but then I'll have a heavy period that lasts two months straight or I'll have spotting for prolonged periods. In addition to that I consistently have been getting bladder infection symptoms but every time I test for one it comes back negative.

I have a developmental/hormonal disorder that stopped me from ever growing fully (I still more or less have the same body I did as a teenager and am well under 5 ft tall) I was supposed to take shots for it from 8-12 years old but lost my insurance so I took less than a years worth iirc.

When I try and google this stuff I get incredibly vague "this could be a lot of things talk to your doctor" about most of it and have not been able to find a single person who reports vaginal/clitoral pain when inserting anything into the ears and I don't know if I'm intersex or not but it seems a bit likely given everything?

I know you can't diagnose me with anything but have you (or any followers) heard about this before? Could you help give me some idea of what it might be? My paranoid ass thinks I'm secretly dying of cancer or something.

Hi anon, so I’m really glad you’re going to try and get help for this! I really hope that it works out well for you, that you’re treated well and with compassion.

This might seem a little far off, and I am not claiming that I know for sure if this is what is happening, or if what I’m thinking might be connected is even right. While the ear and the pelvic region can seem incredibly different and unrelated, the ear is very close to our jaws, and tension in the jaw (I would say tension in general can do this, but especially if your jaw is constantly tight) can lead to issues in the pelvic region.

Something that can include pain in the clitoris, not only by touch but just by wearing pants/fabric in general, could feel like consistent pressure or even a stabbing-pain, and can cause issues with vaginal insertion, is Vulvodynia. This can be caused by a lot of things, but is often seen alongside other health issues; that is to say vulvodynia can be acquired through things like infection (like bladder infection!) but also be present with conditions you might have been born with.

This is an article talking about the rates of vulvodynia in people with EDS/HSD (cw cissexist language) https://ehlersdanlosnews.com/news/high-rates-of-vulvodynia-likely-in-women-with-eds-hsd-survey/?cn-reloaded=1

Hypermobility spectrum disorders (HSD) are not uncommon for intersex people to have, some intersex variations are thought to be related to HSDs but there are many many reasons a person might have a HSD that is not intersex related. A condition often “comorbid” with HSD can be PCOS (one of the symptoms for this is irregular periods), but definitely is not limited to it.

Pelvic floor dysfunction like vulvodynia can have a lot of underlying causes, and some of those causes might come from being intersex. Pelvic floor dysfunction can also be managed and treated. I personally don’t know much about growth hormone, so I can’t comment much or find connections there, but it would be interested to know if there’s any studies that look into the connection specifically.

Again, I’m not saying any of this is what you have, I’m just making a few connections for you so you don’t immediately jump to the idea that you’re dying. Hopefully, the appointments you’re planning to make will be able to tell you more about what the underlying cause of this pain for you, and provide insight on how it can be treated.

[watermelonlovershigh]

Single Dad Harry & His Daughter Rose (journey through life)

This was requested by this anon (instead of the daughter being just one of the ages you suggested, i decided to just incorporate all the ages, like a timeline of her life.)

AN: from now on, i think i'm going to use a random name generator for child names in my fics (like i did with this one). that way the name is random and with no thought. unless someone requests a name to be used.

This story contains: completely narration, no dialog, dad goals

{ dad!harry - singledad!harry - became a dad at 17 years old }

word count: 1320

Harry's journey of taking care and raising his daughter Rose as a single father.

Ever since Harry became a single dad, his life had been anything but easy. When his daughter Rose (named after his rose tattoo) was a baby, her mum completely left them, saying she didn't want to be a mother yet and it was a mistake to have not used protection. Especially when it was a one-night stand and that person was a celebrity. She had Rose (not finding it in her to go through with an abortion) and days later gave her baby to Harry, and that was the last time Rose ever saw her mother and Harry ever saw his baby's mama.

When Rose was a baby, Harry was the one that got up at all hours of the night to make her bottles, beings she had no way of breastfeeding. Most of the time on the One Direction tour bus because that's where he and his bandmates stayed while on the road touring. He'd also burp her and change her dirty diapers. Rub her little tummy when it ached. The rest of One Direction didn't always like being woken up to a crying baby, but at the end of the day, knew how special Rose was to Harry and supported him through everything.

His bandmates would often babysit Rose when Harry had to go into the recording booth and record his parts of their songs. Louis was the one who acted as a mother figure in her life (beings he grew up taking care of his younger sisters), like doing nightly feedings when Harry was sleep deprived. Or give Rose a bath in the little baby tub they bought for the bus when Harry was just busy in general. Niall being the silly guy, loved to make Rose laugh when she was being a bit moody. And Zayn and Liam were the protectors and kept Rose out from harms way.

When One Direction went on hiatus, Harry didn't have all the help he once had when living with four other people. At that point, Rose was three so it wasn't as hard to take care of her as it was when she was a baby, but still quite difficult for him being a single dad. She was potty trained and eating all regular foods. Though she'd sometimes still wanted a bottle of warm milk to help her fall asleep at night.

Harry would make Rose breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the two of them each day. He'd give her baths and washed her curly hair, sometimes making a soap Mohawk from the shampoo just to make her laugh. He'd read Rose bedtime stories and sing her lullabies. And though Harry tried to enforce Rose to sleep in her own bed like a big girl, he'd always cave in when she gave her daddy puppy dog eyes and a wobbly lip, as though she was about to cry. So often Rose ended up in her daddy's bed and Harry held her close, loving the feeling of knowing his daughter was safe and sound in his embrace.

Years went by and Harry sent Rose to kindergarten. Much to his disliking because he'd miss being with her through-out the day. He'd get up with her every morning and styled her hair to the best of his abilities. Sometimes not being able to accomplish what Rose requested and feeling terrible. Times like that was when he wished Rose had a mother or mother figure. Harry would pack Rose a lunch to take to school and help her with her homework when she got home at the end of each day.

Harry went to every school play Rose was in (she loved preforming just like her daddy) and every PTA meeting the school held. Though he juggled being a international popstar, Harry always put his daughter first no matter what. He helped her with any school projects she'd have and Harry even went and chatted to the principle when Rose complained that some kids were being mean to her. He was a super dad, doing it all.

When Rose turned ten, Harry decided she was old enough to go on tour with him. He hadn't properly toured since One Directions last tour (just doing local gigs here and there) and that had been years from that point in their lives. Harry wanted to wait a few years and give Rose somewhat of a normal childhood with stability, hence why she attended public school in her adolescents.

Harry hired an on-the-road teacher to have as Roses homeschooling teacher that'd stay on his tour bus as they traveled. His number one priority was making sure she got her education over anything else. Harry paid for extra security guards to protect Rose when she went out, beings some fans went a little crazy. Harry had his assistant watch her when he was busy in the studio or doing interviews. Life was hard at times and yes Harry wished Rose still had a mother, but wouldn't have traded his life experiences of being a single dad for nothing. It truly helped him mature faster and appreciate live to the fullest.

Two years later at age twelve, Rose became a women. Well she started her period and matured like a women. Because all she'd ever known was living with her dad and not really having many women figures in her life, telling Harry she started her period wasn't that bad. Rose was fortunately home when her period had started and walked into the living room where her dad was sipping a glass of wine and informed him she was menstruating.

In the twelve years of Roses life, Harry knew that that day was coming. The day she'd start her period. He was only regretting that day because his little girl wouldn't be so little anymore, but wasn't hoping that day wouldn't ever come because he knew how important it was for a women to have one. Harry grew up with a house full of women so periods were a natural and easy topic to discuss. He hugged Rose, congratulated her, and immediately drove her to the local pharmacy to purchase some pads and tampon (and chocolate + a heating pad).

Between the ages of twelve and Roses current age of sixteen, life went as well as it could have gone for Harry and her. Unlike most teenage girls, Harry raised a good and respectful young lady. Rose doesn't like to go out and party like some of her friends do. She'd much rather stay at home and spend time with her dad. She's a daddies girl after all. Rightfully so because to her, her dad was the only one who truly loved her and cared for her, unlike her dead-beat mother.

As for Harry, he's still single. He's had a few flings through-out the years and a couple one-night stands, but he hasn't meet anyone that felt like a keeper. Or someone who he felt would love his daughter the way she deserved to be loved and treated. Harry doesn't tour as much anymore because of his age (not due to fan loss because he still has millions of fans. fans that love to call Harry a dilf.) and Rose is back attending a public school in London. They often visit her dad's ex bandmates and Rose loves them all dearly. They helped raise her as a baby and feel like secondary father figures to her.

Sometimes Rose wishes she still had a mum. A women in her life that she could have womanly conversations with and chat about her love interest to. Even just to say she had a mum because when her friends chat about their mums, she feels left out and sad. But truth be told, she almost thinks her life was meant to turn out like it did. Her and her dad Harry make a great father/daughter duo and she wouldn't trade the connection they have for anything in this world. Even if it was for a mum that loved her.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series One Shots Masterlist (for my one shots that go with a series universe)

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[fenristheorem]

Hi! Can you make part 2 of Guardienne and Lance relationship, the first one was so cute got me curious for more

Hello there! No problem at all, I know of a few more headcanons that you may like!😊

*Very minor NSFW in this (pretty non-descriptive except for maybe a few small parts).

~Under the cut~

Lance and Guardienne’s relationship - Part 2:

I’ll start out small: terms of endearment. Now Lance probably isn’t one to use cuddly words like ‘sugar, honey, etc.’, but I could definitely see him using the occasional ‘dear, darling, my love’ on Guardiennne, because let’s be honest; he’s a hardened warrior who probably enjoys witty banter and sensuality more than bubble baths and sugar-coated words. These terms of affection may be used far and few in between, but he’d definitely still use them on occasion.

However, he’d be much more likely to use endearing terms to describe her when complimenting her - especially when she’s feeling a bit subdued as of late. He’ll call her things like ‘cute, adorable, beautiful’ and the whole rest of that spectrum. These sudden bouts of compliments can happen at the most random of moments, as well.

Guardienne may be taking off her shirt to change - in their shared room of course - with Lance doing his own thing. Her back will be towards him when she’ll suddenly hear “fucking gorgeous” from behind her, and she’ll look over her shoulder to cast an amused glare at him as he gifts her with a wolfish grin. This can happen at almost any time; as she changes, steps out of the shower, undresses for an intimate moment - the possibilities are nearly endless provided it’s an appropriate moment.

Other times she’ll be doing her own thing - feeding her companion, organizing her clothing, redecorating her room - and he’ll come to her and wrap his arms around her, littering small, playful kisses along her cheek and neck while muttering things like “beautiful,” “my gorgeous woman,” “perfect,” “you’re a living goddess” as she blushes and squeals in his grasp.

Terms like ‘precious, adorable, and cute’ are typically used in teasing moments - like when he’s trying to get a rise out of her, or while they’re having one of their many intimate moments. Seeing her face flush as she bites her lip and squirms underneath him, completely unable to shoot back a witty statement in retaliation of his fervid comment, really does something to him that he likes to indulge in on occasion. 

He’ll certainly compliment her attitude and intelligence as well. However, this is usually under a different scenario, like when they’re talking over, planning, or debating something. This’ll be primarily when she mentions something that hadn’t occurred to him, but he also certainly likes to give her chances to express a thoroughly thought out idea - whether he agrees with it or not - and he loves to stress his approving opinion on her wisdom and perceptiveness when she expresses her detailed decision. Of course, she definitely has times where her thoughts and decisions are... incomprehensible for Lance, but he still makes sure to show when he’s impressed by her.

He doesn’t compliment her too often, but when he does she knows it’s sincere, and he certainly makes sure it won’t be missed by her. The last thing he wants is to compliment her but for it to be forgotten because it was just a small, passing comment.

That’s also why he makes sure to compliment her when he’s having a random bout of intense affection. Lance is very inconsistent on when he sparks affectionate moments, but occasionally the feeling will hit him where he’s just so overwhelmingly happy to be in a relationship with such a powerful, respectable woman that he needs to stress to her how deep his affections run. This will likely only happen later in the relationship - when he knows she won’t run from him for being so incredibly emotional about her - and once he feels safe to express himself in such intense ways she’ll basically be spoiled rotten. Occasionally he’ll come back with flowers or a small trinket as a gift, but it’s much more common for him to take a day off to spend it solely with her, wrapped up in her arms underneath the blankets as they cuddle the day away. He’ll touch her whenever he has a chance, hold her whenever he can get his hands on her, kiss her whenever the moment presents itself and refuse to let her go - so long as she agreed to spend the day with him. Lance will know how to spoil her without being too clingy if she needs to spend the day working, but if she did agree to spend her whole day with him then she should expect to spend the whole day with him. Seriously - he won’t let her go.

This leads to how they cuddle then, and this can range from soft, gentle, and sensual to... basically pinning the other down and refusing to let them up. On a normal day it’ll be soft nuzzles while they hold each other in their arms, quietly talking or not talking at all as they embrace the rise and fall of their partner’s chest. These moments are calm, but can’t begin to rival the comfort of after-sex cuddling. In those moments, as their harsh breathing calms and dewy sweat cools on their skin, they’ll hold each other so close that they can feel the other’s pulse, and every breath they take threatens to suffocate them as there’s absolutely no space left between the two. Guardienne will fall into Lance’s strong, broad chest and rest her head over his heart to enjoy the alluring rhythm while the dragon will pull her tight against him, letting his hand run over the outer side of the leg hooked over his waist as his other arm pulls her close. These gentle caresses after sex are laced with moments of Guardienne brushing her fingers along his chest and abdomen, pressing gentle, sensual kisses to his skin as Lance tangles his fingers in her hair and curls an arm around her waist to keep her close. On the other end of the spectrum, they partake in a lot of aggressive cuddling, and this can be provoked by either Guardienne or Lance when they’re feeling aggressively playful or a bit territorial with the other. Lance may be feeling a bit jealous one day - there are many faeries who like Guardienne due to her valiant effort at saving Eldarya, and while he doesn’t blame them for doing so, she’s still his now and he will fight any rival - and will be seeking her attention, so he’ll pick her up and lay on her the bed... and lie down on top of her - literally. Only for a moment though, he’ll adjust himself to be only half lying on top of her as he wraps both arms - and both legs for the hell of it - around her and gently squeeze as he nuzzles into her neck. Guardienne can fight all she wants, but it’ll be no use. Lance’s strength overwhelms her’s without question, so whatever struggle she may try to put up to escape from him, it’ll feel no different than a leaf fighting the wind to Lance. Of course, there are times where Guardienne sparks this aggressive cuddling as well. She might be feeling particularly aggressive one day, and - knowing that her rough mannerisms is, to Lance, the equivalent of a Musarose batting at a door - she won’t be afraid to grab him and drag him to the bed or couch - and he’s only moving because he’s allowing himself to be moved - shoving him onto it before laying atop him. Now Lance could easily get up, but he loves when Guardienne has her aggressive, territorial moments (provided no one is hurt because of it, which is unlikely anyways) so he’ll humor her by poking fun at her demanding attitude or by just allowing her to express her affections via death grip. Occasionally he’ll be even more aggressive in turn and they’ll have a contest on who can be most aggressively affectionate towards the other.

Their cuddling and aggressive affection can depend on - or even help her with - her menstrual cycle as well, and, frankly, he’s become a master of pleasing a temperamental, hissy-fit woman who can be taken down only by blood loss when he needs to be. Lance knows how to keep himself calm under heavy pressure and anger from another person, so her futile attempts at getting a rise out of him will... really only get a rise out of her as she realizes he won’t throw a tantrum as easily as her. Any cramps she has? Well, he may be an ice dragon but he knows basics in controlling fire, so he’s certainly not against raising the temperature of his hand to rest on her abdomen and ease the cramps via makeshift heating pack. If she experiences hot flashes - or nausea flashes if the cold helps her with those - he’ll do the opposite and bring his body temperature down until he serves as a cool pillow for her to rest on. Those aggressive cuddles I mentioned before help ease any of her aching muscles as he holds her tight, and any aggressive affection he’ll shower her with - when not irritating her, as she’s pretty unstable between loving and hating this intense attention - will remind her that she’s not alone going through her torment and that’s he’s there to help bring her comfort if she wishes to utilize him.

He’ll take good care of her overall during her periods; making sure she’s hydrated, bringing her anything she needs, and certainly isn’t afraid of retrieving sanitary products (pads, tampons, whatever she uses) from the market if she needs him to. Lance will bless her with massages, random fits of aggressive affection or gentle loving, and will happily carry her around the room if she needs something but is feeling too pained, fatigued, etc. to actually be able to walk around. If she’s having a day where she wants to be left alone? No problem, he can basically ignore her by distracting himself with work until she comes crawling along to start irritating him for attention, and when that happens he’s usually quite fine with wrapping up whatever he’s working on and providing his affection to her. Of course, this isn’t to say that Guardienne can’t take care of herself during her menstrual cycles, but it shows that Lance is very prominent in helping her if she needs help during these times.

Knowing all of this, it's easy to imagine how restless they can get when the other goes on a long mission. Usually when Guardienne goes on a mission, Lance is sent with her for safety purposes (how could anyone forget her tendency of getting hurt?), but there is the occasion where she's sent without him. Lance, of course, will worry about her the whole time she's gone; wondering if he should have pressured Huang Hua more to send him with her, fretting that she's already hurt and alone somewhere, hell - even worrying that she's alright but another man in a foreign land is trying to court her, regardless of if she's interested or not, but frankly he's not sure if he'd be more disturbed if she is into romancing another man or of she isn't but is living through that forced experience anyways. Goodness so many things he doesn't know while she's gone!

When he's not worrying about her, he might be spending his time restlessly trying to distract himself. His partner is gone for an amount of time in which he only has a rough idea, so he’s left without anyone close to him to hang out with. Suddenly he finds that he’s very bored very often... He’ll occupy himself with work, basically; starting from the most important daily things and continuing until he retires for the night or until he’s done every task possible until there’s basically nothing left to do for the day. In the case where the Obsidian guard has basically nothing else to do in terms of daily tasks, he’ll take to planning things, or scheduling, or re-scheduling, or gathering information from other Obsidians, or running errands for Huang Hua, taking on extra missions, taking on a mission that will send him away for as long as she’s away, anything to keep himself busy. Mathieu has proven a bit helpful in these times - the young human is almost always happy to spend time training or just hanging out with Lance - but, of course, he’s not always available, and Lance can’t spend all his time with one person who’s not his partner. He does get a bit fed up with others once in a while after spending too long around them.

At night, or at times where he would usually find himself curled up with Guardienne, he’ll pacify his drowning ache to feel her in his arms by digging through her clothing drawer and taking a few items that smell like her to curl up with instead. He’ll bury his face in his partner’s pillow and sleep on her side of the bed, sometimes even taking her pillow - or a pillow in general - and placing one of her stronger scented shirts over it to hold close to him at night so he can breathe in her scent as he sleeps. Guardienne has come back to this sight many times - it’s quite adorable to find Lance passed out on her side of the bed, laying on her pillow with her shirt on another pillow clenched tightly in his arms. On the topic of clothing; he won’t wear her clothing, but he may keep a shirt or coat of hers over his shoulder in the daytime as he walks around their room - never doing as such outside of the room, though. When he’s outside of their room he’s distracting himself from her existence by working himself, but when he’s inside their room he’s indulging in her scent and memories until her fateful return. He makes sure to keep what happens outside his room versus inside his room separate.

When she finally returns she’ll be flooded with affection and attention like she wouldn’t believe, specifically being held captive in his arms for countless hours when they have time alone together as Lance does his best to express how much he truly enjoys her company and misses her when she’s gone.

Guardienne has a tendency to do very similar things when Lance leaves on a long mission; working herself more, sleeping on his side of the bed, taking other missions. However, she has friends that she hangs out with a bit more when he's gone. She certainly makes time to hang around them in general - she knows how to balance her relationships - but since Lance is gone, all her social time is now spent with her friends. Of course, that changes when night falls and she retires to her room, remembering that she's now alone until Lance's eventual return. Guardienne doesn't really like sleeping alone after so many nights with the warm dragon, but she's found ways to counter the cold loneliness that overtakes her. Like mentioned before, she’ll sleep on his side of the bed, burying her face in his pillow to drink in his scent, but she also has a tendency to dig through his shirt drawer and wear one of his stronger smelling shirts when she’s alone or as she sleeps. Throughout the day - when she finds herself missing his presence even more so - she’ll make a point of keeping anything he gifted around her more. Any jewelry, trinkets, ornaments, gems - basically anything he gave her - will be kept around her to ward off loneliness. She’ll also wear clothing he gifted her, and then wear one of his shirts over that. However, once again, those habits are usually restricted to inside the room. She’ll wear gifted jewelry and clothing in public, but that’s the extent of it.

Her reaction when Lance returns isn't too far off of his reaction upon her return, except when he finally relieves her of loneliness she'll throw herself onto him and kiss him in a passionate, desperate manner. Only in private though. If she meets him in public - at the gates of the guard, or something - she'll throw herself into his arms and embrace him in a tight hug before likely trailing him all the way back to their room to help him settle back in. Either way, the first night they spend together in a long time will be an endless night filled with heated touches and lustful whispers.

These were quite fun to write, so I hope you like them as much as I do! Since these are general relationship headcanons, I still have more that I could write about. There’s so many different aspects to relationships that it’s hard to run out of thing to write, haha. Happy to write a part 3 if anyone would like to request. 😊

Also happy to write a scenario on their aggressive cuddling, although I may do that as a special un-requested scenario anyways. (Perhaps as a 100, 200, 300 followers thank you sort of thing. I nearing 200 now and I want to do something special eventually 😉)

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

[starsfic]

Smoke and Gold, Chapter 6: Realizing

Summary: Red and Xiaotian spend some extra time together and Xiaotian kinda comes to a realization.

AO3

Notes: CW: Periods. And I'm sorry if this feels rushed. @fosermi

-_-

Red Son was blaming the love potion for this hiccup.

His mother had been in a good mood since he had made Xiaotian disappear, her sadistic nature showing in full as Sun Wukong and the rest of Xiaotian’s friends tried to deal with his absence, including her view of Wukong going up to Heaven to try to interrogate everyone in the celestial realm to find out where his son was. (On that note, Red had recently received a very angry voicemail from Heaven that he was ignoring for a later date, very glad that Xiaotian was hidden.)

But since his father had been sealed away, she had formed a depression. Red Son had done his best to help her through it and it had gotten to the point that it only struck every so often. Like now, where she didn’t want to see his face.

And the only place he could stay was where Xiaotian was.

If his and Xiaotian’s marriage was a normal one, there would be no issue with this. Except their marriage wasn’t a regular one and their relationship wasn’t at the point where Red was ready to show his face. And that hurt and…

He grumbled, glaring at nothing in particular. He was in the parking lot of his favorite cafe, sitting in his car and munching on lunch while he considered what to do. He couldn't ask Xiaotian to wear a blindfold for however long his mother wanted him gone. It was sheer luck that he hadn't injured himself at this point-

His phone rang. Absently, Red checked the ID. If it was Heaven, he would ignore it.

It was the palace.

He pressed CALL, mind whirling. Xiaotian didn't know his number, how- " My lord?" It was the head servant. He relaxed.

"Yes?"

"Um, I'm sorry, but it seems Master Xiaotian has started his moontime."

Red blinked in confusion, mind whirling at the old-fashioned term. Then realization struck and he hissed out a curse. He hadn't thought about Xiaotian's period. He should've the moment his husband had told him he was trans.

"Has anyone hurt him?" Demons were particular to human blood, especially that variety. He started the car, mentally trying to figure out the closest pharmacy.

"No. But he's been hiding in the bathtub."

"Ask him if he prefers pads or tampons." Red started driving, tapping his finger against the wheel. On the other end, he could hear whispers.

"Pads."

Good to know. Red parked, barked a "I'll be there soon." and marched inside the pharmacy. He headed for the right section and, after a few minutes of debating, grabbing three different packs. He also grabbed some snacks before marching to the counter. The cashier- a snobby looking teen- made a face of disgust. Before he could say a word, Red glared. He shut his mouth and scanned them.

When the cashier was finished, he handed the right amount and marched out with the bag. Setting in the passenger seat, he drove to the palace.

-_-

Periods sucked.

Xiaotian was curled up in the bathtub, glaring at nothing, feeling the blood between his legs dry. This was just like the first period he had after Wukong adopted him, the Monkey King having no idea what to do. It was irritating and he was cold. And common sense told him to not go out like this, leaving him like this.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Uh, Master Xiaotian?”

“Yes?” he said, trying his best to not sound irritated. He probably failed but he was cranky.

“Your husband is here. Just as a warning.”

Before Xiaotian could ask questions, the bathroom went dark and the door opened and closed. He didn’t yelp, well used to the routine, but curled up tighter. They had said his husband had an important job- did he leave it because of him? “Hey,” a warm, welcome voice said. “How are you feeling?”

“...kinda sick. And tired.” He reached out blindly, feeling something warm in his chest form when a familiar hand wrapped around his hand and gave it a squeeze. “What about work?”

“Don’t worry about it. How can I help you?”

That warm feeling in Xiaotian’s chest grew as his husband set to work grabbing spare underwear and padding it for him and handed him a wet washcloth to wipe himself off with. When that was done, Red led him into the dark bedroom, passing him the snacks. For the rest of the day, he was cuddled into his side, feeling warm both in body and soul.

His period passed after a week and his husband returned to work and the routine continued on.

But, a day after the routine returned, the servants informed him that his art supplies had arrived. Xiaotian was led to a solar, gleaming and lovely and with a beautiful view of the forest. A bunch of new sheets sat next to a few large boxes. Hazarding a guess, he opened one.

The paint inside was the most expensive brand, ones he had been trying to save for years. Wukong had tried to buy them for him, but Xiaotian had refused. Now, his hands trembled as he opened the rest, finding more and more lovely and expensive supplies.

There was a note in one of them.

Don’t worry about the cost. Enjoy them.

The warm feeling returned and Xiaotian scrambled to set everything up. His cheeks were furiously warm as he worked and his heart raced as he opened the supplies.

When the sun was setting, he was covered in paint and realizing what he was experiencing.

He couldn’t help his smile.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Random acts of kindness | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』

The everyday acts of kindness our boys do and think nothing of, but are actually incredibly sweet.

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Kuroo Tetsurou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime, Sugawara Koushi, Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi, Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji, Nishinoya Yuu, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kozume Kenma, Miya Astumu, Miya Osamu, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Haiba Lev

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), no warnings, fluff, lots of characters I didn't realise how many I'd done until I came to type up the list 😳, a lot of cats and dogs, cuteness, headcanons

A/N: I've had an exhausting and busy week, and just felt like writing some comforting fluff. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! ♡

And please consider voting in this poll (ends this Sunday 18/10/20) to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you to everyone who's already voted! ♡

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Helps lost people find their way and regularly gives directions

We're talking off-duty, here Daichi puts the 'hot' in 'Hot Fuzz' 🥵

Hahaha, fuck 🙃

He's very approachable and warm, and gives excellent directions

He'll also walk them there if they don't understand or don't feel confident, even if it disrupts his day 🥺

And he's really good at helping lost kids and calming them down he feels so proud when he gets them back to their parents, safe and sound 🤗

×

☆ Kuroo Testurou ☆

Helps elderly people with their shopping bags and getting across roads

It goes against his nature to stand by and let an old person struggle, and even if they're not struggling, he always offers his services anyway

He has a soft spot for old people, 'kay? 🥺

He makes a point of getting the traffic to stop so it's safe, and letting them hold his arm as they slowly make their way across the street

They often tell him that he's 'a very sweet and handsome young man,' and 'nothing like the other young people you meet these days' and he blushes

×

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

Gets things from the top shelves for people that they can't reach at the supermarket

It's a pretty normal thing to do, right? So he's chill about it

Except he will 100% walk down the entire length of the isle just to help if he sees you stuggling it's super cute 😩😍

But he won't smile or make idle conversation, or anything. He'll just nod courteously

It can be a little ominous, with his looming height and serious face, but most people take the gesture well 😊

×

☆ Iwaizumi Hajime ☆

Pays for the shopping of the person in front of him when their card gets declined or they don't have the right cash

He manages to offer in a way that isn't offensive or patronising he's honestly a life saver 🥺

He's very humble and casual about it

It's what he hopes someone would do for him, if he were in that awkward situation

And you never know what struggles people are facing, so his philosophy is to always be kind what goes around, comes around, my dudes 😌✌

×

☆ Sugawara Koushi ☆

Leaves snacks and a cute thank you note on the porch for the mailman

Or mailwoman! Or mailperson!

He hopes that the little gesture will brighten their tough day of work so precious, I can't 🥺🥰

There's usually a good selection, too no skimping here, no sirree 😌

If he's home, he'll give them a cheery wave through the window as well

Especially in this COVID-19 environment. Suga would really appreciate the services they're providing

×

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Spends time every week playing with the cats and dogs at the local shelters

This man is hoenstly a blessing, I physically can't 🤧

He loves seeing their little faces light up when he walks in, scruffling their ears and playing fetch, etc. and just generally showing them that they're still loved 🥺😭

And he helps take the dogs for walks too, so they get their exercise, and brushes them down, and rubs their tummies–

He wants to adopt, but he's not settled enough, so he knows he can't 😭 but it's his goal

One day 😖

×

☆ Azumane Asahi ☆

Always holds doors open for other people

We're not just talking the occasional, feebly held door

Asahi will ALWAYS hold a door open for anyone else

Men, women, children, old people, people with prams, whole families– literally everyone

He is TALL and STRONG, and he will be USEFUL

He will hold it open even if you're really far away, like the giant dork that he is 😂😂 you cannot escape

×

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Often pays for the next customer's coffee in advance

Sure, it makes him feel good about himself. But, I mean, why not? What's so wrong with that?

Oikawa calls it SAOK-ing people (pronounced 'soaking') meaning: Secret Acts of Kindness Iwa-chan has told him to change the name, but he won't 🙄

Oikawa would love the touching joy of a stranger paying for his coffee in advance, so he gets a warm, tingly feeling when he thinks about it happening to someone else because if him he's literally beaming for the rest of the day 🥰

☆ Akaashi Keiji ☆

Buys food and drinks for homeless people when he passes them

He sometimes stops to have a chat with them, too 😔🤧

He's the least condescending person you could meet if you're in trouble he's so genuine, I can't

Except for maybe Iwa-chan and Daichi. They're also very down-to-earth

He'll also give them all his food vouchers that he's been collecting in his wallet to help spread their costs

Akaashi finds it hard to watch other people struggling and suffering, and so always makes the time for it when he can afford to

×

☆ Nishinoya Yuu ☆

Helps make up the numbers for the kids playing games in the park

Be it soccer, dodgeball, basketball, volleyball, tag, or something else entirely, Noya loves to see the kids running around in the park, playing games and enjoying themselves

So he's only too happy to join in when they need more players he'll sometimes recruit Tanaka to help as well

Yuu fits right in with them, both in height and mentality 😂😭😂😭

He may or may not get them to call him 'senpai' 🙄😂

×

☆ Tanaka Ryuunosuke ☆

Helps fix people's cars on the road

Tanaka's one of those people that knows how to change a flat, and so can't drive past someone having car trouble without stopping and helping

He's also a pretty good handy-man in general, and is always willing to help out his friends and neighbours with their jobs that need doing

Like plumbing problems, putting up shelves, building furniture, etc. He's good with his hands!

Kiyoko: 👁👄👁

And he'll never charge a penny! He's all too happy to do it out of friendship and the kindness of his heart 😇

×

☆ Kozume Kenma ☆

Hosts gaming charity livestreams for various causes on a regualr basis

All the donations go directly to the charity of choice for the stream, not through him, so everyone knows it's legit 😇

He also donates gaming consoles etc. to charities and organisations that help kids who are in hospital

He's a huge advocate for charities and organisations that focus on helping people through gaming, like AbleGamers and St Jude PLAY LIVE, and regularly donates to them

Honestly, Kenma is an angel 🥺 👉👈

×

☆ Miya Atsumu ☆

Gives up his seat on public transport for old/pregnant/disabled etc. people

Look, Tsumu can be a little selfish and grouchy at times, but he's not a complete asshole 👉👈

There's a line, and hogging seats on public transport when someone else clearly needs it more than him is, indeed, the line 😌

He'll do it without a second thought or a fuss, and with a smile on his face but will be low-key proud of himself, ngl

He will also get offended if someone else doesn't give up their seat when they should, and may confront them about it 😳 like, what makes you so special that you can't do that simple courtesy that even he does??

×

☆ Miya Osamu ☆

Donates food to charities and shelters

Both store-bought food and from his own shop

Literally gets so depressed at the thought of people not getting to eat 🥺

This man LOVES FOOD. And people are out there not able to?!

He also has a scheme set up where homeless and stuggling people can come into his shop for some free onigiri

This man 🥺🤧 can I please marry him already?!

×

☆ Sakusa Kiyoomi ☆

Donates sanitary supplies like soap, toothpaste, antibacterial gel, pads, tampons, etc. to shelters on a regualr basis

Literally cannot abide the idea that people are forced to live without these basic necessities, simply because they can't afford them

It's almost for his own peace of mind rather than theirs? 😅😂 almost. He does actually care on their behalf, too

But he doesn't like to make a big deal out of it, and so donates anonymously

His donations are literally a godsend to those people, though 🥺😭

☆ Hinata Shouyou ☆

Reads books to kids at the library when he's there with Natsu

And he's really good at it! He reads very animatedly, and really gets the kids engaged with the stories you can just imagine it

The kids all love him and bring him their favourite books to read!

And the parents all watch and compliment him on how good he is with kids

And this goofball just blushes and grins like a doof 😚 so freaking sweet

×

☆ Kageyama Tobio ☆

Always carries a spare umbrella with him to give to someone

He hates getting caught in the rain himself, so he keeps a spare just in case this precious baby 🥺

He's had to use it quite a few times, sometimes giving it to people he doesn't even know, so he ends up not getting it back and has to buy a new spare

But it makes him smile, if a bit awkwardly, to know that he's helped someone out, even just a little Tobio!! 😭🤧🥺

×

☆ Tsukishima Kei ☆

Steps into the road to allow room for people with pushchairs and prams

I know it might not seem like much, but this is Tsukki, guys 🙄

*Narrator voice* this is one small step for man, one giant leap for Tsukishima!

And this just goes to show that he's not as tough of a cookie as he looks

He doesn't like the idea of parents etc. and young children having to walk in the road he gets worried for them...🤭

And he does it consciously, which is important

×

☆ Yamaguchi Tadashi ☆

Spends time each week looking for the animals on the 'lost' and 'missing' posters around town

He hates to think of them out there, cold, alone, frightened–

It makes him feel nauseous just thinking about it 😣

My poor, precious baby!! He's too pure for this world!! 😭

It's not often, but sometimes he actually manages to find one and bring it back to its owner safely, which is a huge boost for his mood and confidence

He feels so valued and appreciated, and just happy that the little guy is SAFE 😇🤧

×

☆ Haiba Lev ☆

Helps strangers get their cats out of trees and other high places

What else is a tall, handsome, goofball-of-a stranger to do? 😌

Legit, he doesn't think twice. Tall people should use their height to help people, shouldn't they?

Sure, it doesn't always go to plan, and his arms sometimes end up looking like well-used scratching poles, but he's just glad to help 😇

It's good to see the cats safe and with their owners

♡°☆•♡°☆•♡

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© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[dahbeez]

MIRROR CONFESSION

Paring: peter parker x reader

Summary: You’re in love with your best friend, and with the help of his awkward rehearsing, you find out the truth.

Warnings: fluff, language

Word Count: 2.6K

Author Note: English isn’t my first language and this is my first fic here on tumblr! Reader is female unless specified otherwise.

Lately, your friendship with Peter Parker has been the most confusing thing in the world. Well, Peter alone was a mystery most of the time. Sneaking out in the middle of sleepovers, skipping classes and then coming back with bruises that took only a few hours to heal; that was all Spider-Man’s signature, you knew that. Plus, Peter constantly looked around him like he could hear every single conversation in the hallway, every sound and whispers. But you got used to all of it, and you had put two and two together quickly after finding out that he was the infamous web-slinger.

Recently, the way he acted around you had your eyebrows knot together in a frown most of the time, especially since you couldn’t attached his weird behaviour to his alter ego. He would be his normal, nerdy self, rambling about the next Star Wars movie, a Lego puzzle he had yet to build or, the most frequent topic of discussion, the 'Stark Internship'. You would smile up at him, beaming at the constant happiness that seemed to radiate from Peter. Then, as his eyes would meet yours, he would immediately blush and stutter. Of course, Peter was a shy person, which actually made him look even cuter than he already was. But every time he would caught you smiling at him, it’s like he forgot to breathe. And in the next seconds, he would find a reason to escape his feelings and run towards the next class, or whatever else excuse he had in mind in those moments. It left you eyes wide and jaw dropping every times, you being completely obvious to the real meaning behind Peter’s actions.

It didn’t help that you had fallen head over heels in love with your best friend. You were a living cliche teenage girl who was infatuated with her closest friend, and you couldn’t help but feel sad that Peter was avoiding you. Part of it was because you missed your best friend, but the other part was because you couldn’t bare to lose this unique connection you had with your first crush.

Any third party, let’s say Ned, would hit their head against a wall repeatedly at the sight of you two. You were obviously in love with each other’s but also completely obvious to one another’s feelings. Ned had given up long ago on the two of you confessing their feelings, and he simply resumed on looking desperately at his two clueless best friends suppressing their feelings like it was some kind of disease.

"Y/N," Ned’s muffled voice brought you out of your thoughts, his mouth half-full with whatever was on the cafeteria menu today. "You with us?"

"Yeah," you nodded, brushing away a strand of hair that fell from your ponytail, "sorry, I was just thinking."

You then noticed how Peter seemed to have been stuck in a daze just like you, letting his fork mix the food on his plate without taking a bite, and furrowing his eyebrows in deep thought. It also often happened around you, but not when he was just with Ned. It made you rethink about the previous events of the week, trying to find out what you could have possibly done to either make him so flustered or lost in his mind. Had he found one of your tampons at his place? Your cheeks flushed at the possibility, thinking that most guys would be uncomfortable at the discovery of a bloody pad in their bathroom’s trash can.

"I can’t make it tonight, for movie night," Ned continued, not letting Peter’s lack of words and attention affect him. "My mom wants to spend some 'family quality time' or whatever that means."

He groaned and you chuckled, not registering quite yet that Ned’s absence meant that your sleepover at Peter’s would be awkward if the boy kept acting like a stammering mess in front of you.

"That’s a bummer," you sighed, actually a bit disappointed that Ned couldn’t make it. "Guess it’s just you and me, Peter. Peter?"

Ned waved a hand in front of his friend’s face, breaking whatever trance Peter was stuck in. He flinched, eyes peeking up to meet yours and immediately his cheeks flushed pink.

"Earth to Peter, Peter do you copy?," Ned joked, and a hint of a smile ghosted on Peter’s lips before he suddenly grabbed his barely touched tray of food and stood up. You frowned.

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I’m gonna go, I- I have homework to do, uh," he looked around a bit, which gave away his lie as he seemed to pounder what he should say next, "at the library! Yeah, studies you know, big exams coming. Okay, bye."

Both you and Ned were left mouth agape, eyeing the escaping form of your best friend exiting the cafeteria.

"That was weird," you murmured, eyes squinting in the direction Peter had taken after getting rid of his plate. "The library’s literally the opposite way."

Ned shrugged. "Peter’s just weird."

But you couldn’t possibly compare Peter’s usual weird antics to the scene that had just unfolded in front of your eyes. Holding back a huff, you brought your attention back on your other friend, and resumed your lunch break.

***

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

That seemed to be the only word swirling around Peter’s mind, which would’ve probably made Aunt May and Captain America scold at him if they could hear his thoughts right now.

He groaned internally, gripping the pole tightly as he waited for the subway to bring him closer to his apartment. The rest of the day after lunch break had been filled with his not so subtle attempts to avoid you. And the look of hurt that you sent towards him every time your eyes met in the hallway had his heart beating faster than ever and guilt eating away at his soul.

He had undeniably, harshly, strongly, irrevocably, fallen in love with you.

And he realized quickly that loving you platonically, was not the same as being in love with you. You were gorgeous, one of the smartest person he had met (and his mentor was Tony Stark), kind and generous, and gosh your smile.

His grip tightened on his backpack strap as he exited the subway, walking the few blocks that kept him from his apartment.

Ever since he had realized the true feelings he arbored for you, he had tried to hide them. Which, when you were Peter Parker the open book, wasn’t easy. At all.

He just couldn’t act normal around you anymore, knowing that all he wanted to do was confess his feelings. He wanted to hug you, hold your hands, kiss your cheeks, your nose, your temple, your lips, your jaw, your neck, the valley between your—

Peter’s eyes widened at the filthy thoughts, and he bit his lower lip. All day, and all week, he had been trying to figure out how to confess his feelings for you. Unknowingly, he had shut you out, too deep in thoughts or too embarrassed to keep up the best friend act.

The boy sighed as he walked in his apartment, barely acknowledging May who was making cookies. He was ready to jump on his bed and fall asleep for the rest of his miserable existence. But first, he needed to figure out what to do. And with the nerve wracking idea of finally telling you how he truly felt, Peter looked at his disheveled hair and pink tinted cheeks in the mirror. With a deep breath, he started rehearsing.

***

Unbeknownst to him, you were not so far from his place. You had dropped your schoolbag at your house and gathered your things, determined to go at Peter’s place and find some answers. Plus, he hadn’t called or texted to tell you that your night at his apartment was canceled, which gave you a little bit of hope.

You kept replaying every second spent in his presence in the last few weeks and you couldn’t find a clue on what could have gone wrong between you two. The tampon theory was actually the best explanation at the moment.

Your mom dropped you at his place, noticing how you had filled your backpack to the brim with numerous movies, snacks and clothes for the night and the next day. Grateful, you kissed her cheek before escaping the comfort of the car. For the first time in forever, you were nervous at the perspective of spending the night at Peter’s. Part of it was because of his behaviour, and the other main reason was because of the butterflies and fireworks that erupted in your stomach whenever you got lost in his doe eyes.

"I’ll pick you up tomorrow, honey. Just call me if you need anything!"

Your replied a simple 'see ya' and made your way inside the building.

Knocking at the Parker’s door, you were greeted by one of your favourite human being and the smell of burnt cookies.

"Hey, Y/N," May opened the door and smiled, bringing you into a small hug which you returned immediately.

"Hey, May," you smiled. She led you inside, and you got rid of your shoes, leaving them next to the front door.

"I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever," she deplored, going back to the kitchen and grimacing. You held back a laugh, noticing how the smell of ruined cookies lingered in the air.

"Yeah, uh," you went and grabbed a cookie on the counter, eyeing the black burning snack with doubt, "I missed your cooking."

She raised an eyebrow, amused at your words. You smiled sheepishly and put the cookie back in its plate, knowing that it will probably end up in the trash anyway.

"You don’t know how to lie, honey," she chuckled and grabbed the nearest bowl to clean. "Peter’s in his room."

You gulped and nodded, remembering what you came here for in the first place.

You walked down the small hallway towards your best friend’s room, fist raising in order to knock on its door and announce your presence.

It was already cracked open, you noticed, and you heard your friend’s mumbling through the tin walls. Ned probably made it after all, you thought, pushing the door softly as to not startle them.

The sight in front of you could’ve been either amusing, extremely weird or embarrassing.

Because in the middle of the room, facing the small mirror not so far from his bed, stood your best friend and first ever crush. Fidgeting with his fingers and slightly swaying on his feet, he was talking to himself. No, rehearsing.

"... that doesn’t work," he let out a deep breath, and you stood there, witnessing his nervous rambling. He surprisingly didn’t noticed you despite having his sharp spidey senses. He cleared his throat.

"Okay, uh. Right. So, Y/N," your eyes widened at the mention of your name, but the boy still hadn’t picked on your presence yet, "you are the prettiest— no no, that’s not enough. Uh, you’re gorgeous and funny and super kind, and uh, yeah!— your smile is like, so fucking bright. Erm, you— you’re my favourite person and I love how you ramble about your favourite books and how you always look out for others and put them first, even before yourself. And uh, you’ve always been there for me, always accepted and understood what Spider-Man means to me, and, well, what I’m trying to say is that— that I’m in love with you—"

"What!?"

"AHH!" Peter spun on his heals, turning towards you and tripping over a forgotten pile of clothes on the floor. With another yelp, he fell to the ground, eyes wide with shock and cheeks reddened by surprise and embarrassment. His blush reached his ears, and he sat there, looking in horror at your beet coloured face.

"I, uh, was rehearsing for the— the thing with... well it’s more of a— a presentation kinda thing, you know?"

"You’re in love with me?" you whispered, finally walking past the doorstep and closing the door behind you, trying to keep this conversation private.

Peter couldn’t believe what had just happened. He’d never felt so embarrassed in his life, and fear was eating away at him. What if you rejected him? What if your friendship was ruined because of this? Oh gosh, this was a mistake...

"I, uh, well no?— I mean, yeah," he kept stuttering, pushing himself from the floor and looking around his room, trying to avoid your stare, "but wait, what are you doing here?"

"Sleepover," you answered simply. You let your backpack fall next to his things and started fiddling with your fingers.

"Oh... OH! Fuck, I completely forgot."

You smiled faintly at the teenager who had just unintentionally confessed his feelings for you. You took a few steps towards him, noticing how he let out a shaky breath. Peter gulped. He didn’t know what else to tell you, so he stood frozen, eyes widening some more as you approached him and stopped only when you were a step away from him. You looked up at him, eyes soft and confused. You brushed away the giddy fireworks that danced in your belly with a shuddering sigh.

"Do you really feel that way about me, Peter?" you asked, your voice low and gentle. Both of your hearts were beating fast, and Peter could actually hear yours due to your close proximity and his super powers.

"Yes," he whispered, his warm chocolatey eyes still avoiding your surprised ones. "But, uh, I know you probably don’t feel the same way... fuck, forget I said anything. Gosh, I’m so sorry, I ruined—"

The thought of how cliche the situation may looked like from a third point of vue crossed your mind, but you didn’t care. You leaned forward, stopping Peter’s rambling with your lips on his own soft ones. He let out a gasp, his sentence dying in his throat as he fluttered his eyelids shut. Without a doubt, he started kissing you back, head tilting so your noses would stop bumping against each other’s.

You hummed appreciatively as his lips glided over yours, moving in sync. You raised your hands and intertwined them at the back of his neck, fiddling with the small curls of hair that rested there. He let out a moan at the feeling, blushing at the sound that escaped his lips and hit yours. You smiled, and in that moment, Peter decided that kissing you, feeling you smile against him and tasting your apple flavoured chapstick was the best thing in the world. His hands rested on your hips, and the distance between you was inexistant, yet still filled with the innocence of a couple’s first kiss.

"You love me back," he mumbled against your lips in bewilderment, pulling back slightly to take a few gulps of air. You did the same, eyes gazing into his as he finally got the courage to look into yours.

"I do," you answered breathlessly, eyes sparkling at the sight of your best friend, well, hopefully not a friend anymore. Peter blushed at the meaning behind those two words, and you giggled. "Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?"

He looked sheepishly at the ground, removing his hands from your hips so he could wash the nervous sweat away by brushing his palms over his jeans.

"Yeah... I— I didn’t know how to tell you."

You raised an eyebrow, smirking at the shy boy that you hoped you could call yours.

"So, you decided to confess to your mirror?" you teased him, and he winced at the cringe situation he put himself into.

"It’s— it’s not like that, I was rehearsing..." he tried to explain, a cute pout showing on his lips. You let out another giggle.

"Well," you brought a hand back up to his hair, going through the wild curls gently. Peter could feel himself melt under your touch, "I’m glad you did, because I’m in love with you too, Peter Parker."

[celosiaa]

ill for the holidays

Summary: “You know what I’ve just remembered?”

“What?”

“The Christmas you got ill while you were living in the archives,” Jon says, smile evident in his tone. “Do you remember?”

History repeats itself, often in cruel ways. This time, however-- Jon's love and care remain a wonderful constant, as Martin finds himself once again ill on Christmas.

CW: illness, discussion of dysphoria

(PS this timeline is not accurate, but imagine with me that the Prentiss incident happened later on in 2016, so Martin was stuck living in the archives over the holidays.  Also Martin is trans because I said so lol)

tag list: @captaincravatthecapricious @airborneglitter @kindakola

“Bless you, darling,” Jon calls softly from the doorway of their bedroom, two steaming mugs of tea in his hands.

“Ergh,” is all Martin has the energy to reply before he pitches forward again, stifling three more harsh sneezes into his elbow before leaning back against the pillows with a sigh.

“Bless you again,” Jon says, handing him one of the steaming mugs. “And happy Christmas.”

Smiling through watery eyes, Martin carefully takes the mug. Jon cannot help but smile wider when the band on his left ring finger glints in the morning sun—the ring they had both decided would count as their Christmas presents this year.

“Happy Christmas, dear,” he says hoarsely as Jon runs a hand through his hair, pressing down on the locks which stand on end in the wake of restless sleep. “And thank you for the tea.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jon whispers, bending over to kiss Martin’s too-hot forehead. “You should probably take these as well—”

Reaching toward the nightstand, he grabs the box of tissues and tosses them into Martin’s lap before crawling back into bed himself. As Jon rearranges the blanket around them, Martin immediately presses up against him and tips his head to rest on his bony shoulder—a sure sign that he’s not feeling well at all.

“I’m sorry you’re ill, love,” Jon hums lowly, pressing a kiss into Martin’s hair.

“No, I’m sorry,” Martin replies, pausing for a moment to sniff wetly. “I’m sorry I’m ill on our first married Christmas.”

Jon can’t help but huff out a laugh at this.

“You know what I’ve just remembered?”

“What?”

“The Christmas you got ill while you were living in the archives,” he says, smile evident in his tone. “Do you remember?”

“Oh god, I thought I would die of embarrassment,” Martin moans, turning his face to nuzzle into Jon’s shoulder.

“It wasn’t all that bad,” Jon argues, determined to let this be an amusing memory rather than an embarrassing one.

“That’s because you were nearly plastered the whole time,” Martin says, picking up his head to look at Jon, eyes sparkling good-naturedly.

“Wh—I was not plastered!” Jon sputters indignantly as Martin laughs.

“Nearly plastered. And I have a feeling you don’t remember it all anyway. So let me tell it to you.”

“Fine, fine,” Jon gives in with a smile, planting a kiss on Martin’s cheek. “Tell me everything, darling.”

---

(December 2016)

It’s holiday season at the Magnus Institute, and Tim has single-handedly decided that this will be their biggest celebration yet. Martin knows he’s doing it in a gesture of kindness; knows that the very existence of this massive extravaganza is an effort to bring the holidays to him, since he cannot leave the archives—yet he finds himself struggling through every smile, every drink, every song.

God, I’d give anything not to be ill right now.

His illness has been steadily worsening over the past few days, starting with a light dripping from his nose into his throat, lowering his voice a bit for the day. Not that he had particularly minded this—the voice dysphoria that often plagued him was quite pleased, in fact, but he could do without the soreness that tempted him into coughing near constantly. The days following had been spent battling ever-growing congestion—sinuses packed full, lungs not far behind. It was particularly irritating to him that this would happen now, during the holidays, after he hasn’t even seen the outside world for months. No one in the archives has been ill so far this season, so where could he have possibly picked this up?

Probably just a bit run down.

Something got me that didn’t hit whoever carried it in.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, he leans back in his chair, watching the party around him as he desperately sniffs back the wetness threatening to drip from his nose. Of course, he had taken every possible precaution—loading himself fully with decongestants, cough suppressants, and fever-reducers, but it seems it might all have been for naught. Admittedly, most of the medications had been expired, having sat in the office first aid kit for years. He hadn’t been able to go to the chemist himself, and refused to even consider asking anyone to pick some things up for him. It had already been embarrassing enough asking Sasha to bring him some tampons—though of course she had been lovely, it was not an experience he wished to repeat.

He takes a shaking breath.

Just stop thinking about it.

Just have a drink, and maybe you’ll be alright.

Tim and Sasha are dominating the makeshift dance floor, both of their hair peppered with sparkling confetti, Tim’s neck adorned with garland and tinsel. The way their bodies move so freely, so naturally with the music, grinning drunkenly at one another all the while can’t but melt Martin’s expression into a fond smile. Catching his eye for a moment, Tim winks at him—grin spreading even wider, and pulling a blush onto Martin’s cheeks.

Prick, he thinks, smiling back through his beet red flush.

Scanning further to the left, he finds Jon standing against the wall, cornered by the bloke from research Martin knows fancies him. He squints a bit at the two of them, trying to read Jon’s expression, relieved to find a bit of discomfort there before—

Jon laughs. Heartily, and with a rare, gorgeous smile across his face.

Martin feels as if he could sink into the floorboards.

What is wrong with you?

Jon has a right to date whoever he damn well pleases.

Not like you’d ever have a chance anyway.

He sighs, but the breath catches in his chest, pulling him into a painful coughing fit—hastily stifled behind both his elbow and his closed lips. As he attempts to get himself under control, he glances back around the room, hoping no one has seen him—and with no small measure of dismay, notices that Tim and Sasha are approaching his table, arm in arm.

Shit shit shit

He sniffs hastily between coughs, swiping his sleeve over his dripping nose, disgusted with himself even as he does so. Mercifully, he manages to control the fit by the time they’ve really gotten close, reaching out for his drink at once to calm the raging furnace of his throat.

“Martin! There he is, the man of the hour,” Tim booms delightedly, sitting on the folding chair nearest him and pulling Sasha into his lap with a surprised shout.

“Tim! Shame on you,” she teases, swatting at his arm playfully.

“You love it and you know it,” he grins, nuzzling into her shoulder.

Martin uses their distraction as an opportunity to turn away, sniffling urgently against the rising buzz stirring up beneath the bridge of his nose, reverberating through packed sinuses. When he sees them peripherally turning their attention back to him, he plasters a smile back on his face, tipping his pounding head as casually as possible onto one fist.

“Having a good time?” Tim asks, resting his chin on Sasha’s shoulder.

“Y-Yeah! Yeah, it’s great, Tim, really nice job,” he says, trying to force his voice back into somewhat of his normal register.

“Fantastic! Can’t have you missing the holidays, can we? Now that would be a true tragedy!” he replies, clapping Martin jovially on the back.

Martin pitches forward at once, fighting back against his lungs, ready to burst with the jostling.

Not now not now not now

“You alright, Martin?” Sasha asks softly, still running a hand distractedly through Tim’s hair.

Offering her a quick smile, he nods vigorously against a few choked-back coughs, grabbing his drink at once and gulping it down. It barely helps, but it’s enough to get him through the worst of the painful tickling, though his eyes begin to tear with effort.

“Fine, fine, sorry—just choked on something, I dunno,” he lies, voice coming out in a bit of a croak.

“Well you’d better not choke and die before it’s time for karaoke!” Tim bellows. “Couldn’t stand to miss your lovely tenor!”

Martin quirks up a smile at this, blushing at the compliment, as always. Tim knows exactly how to push his buttons, and revels in it.

“We’ll see if there’s anyone still here who’s not too drunk to sing by then,” Sasha replies. “I believe I’m well past that point already.”

“Aw, come on Sasha, you can never be too drunk to sing karaoke! That’s what makes it great!”

They continue arguing like this for a while, and Martin finds his attention drifting back to Jon, who still stands against the far wall. A second person has joined in the conversation with him and the man from research, and Jon’s discomfort seems to have risen again, eyes flitting about for an exit route.

Then they lock on Martin’s.

Martin gives a little gasp, face flushing, the buzzing building in his sinuses at the disturbance. Looking away quickly, he hopes to god that Jon had not seen him staring, but when he looks back, Jon is already crossing the room toward him.

Oh shit.

The pulsing of his sinuses only continues to grow—of course Jon would be coming to talk to him now, when he’s a right mess, when he can feel congestion rising in his nose and throat.

I have to get out of here, he decides, extracting himself abruptly from the table.

“Hey, where are you going?” Tim calls after him, but Martin cannot bring himself to turn around—making a beeline for the men’s bathroom with all the energy he can muster.

As he ducks into the room, he sweeps his eyes around to check for any other occupants before grabbing desperately at the paper towels hanging over the sink. He barely lifts them in time to catch the painful sneezes that double him over—immediately causing his head to spin, coming one after the other in wet, heaving bursts. When at last his nose allows him to rest, he sinks down onto the floor of the bathroom, back braced against the wall. With all the effort he can summon, he does his best to clear his sinuses of their ghastly blockage—to no avail, the force of the breaths merely pushing his lungs into yet another coughing fit.

God, this is miserable.

It is in the midst of this coughing that the door opens, revealing Jon—who stares down at him in shock, frozen in the doorway for several seconds. Martin is quite certain he would rather sink beneath the earth, never to return than to be caught here in this moment.

Oh god oh god oh god

“…Martin? Are you alright?” Jon asks at last, recovering himself a bit and closing the door behind him.

“I-I’b fi—heh—” is all Martin can manage, consonants rounded out with congestion before his breath begins to hitch, desperately rubbing at his nose to keep control of itself while Jon watches him.

Jon furrows his brow, apparently unimpressed with this performance of “fine.” Crouching down slowly on the ground beside him, he peers concernedly into Martin’s face, which instantly flares up with heat.

I’m in hell. I’ve died, and this is hell.

“What is it?” Jon asks, so softly that Martin feels his heart could burst. “Are you ill?”

Damn it all.

If Jon has managed to guess the truth upon seeing him, Martin supposes there’s no way to hide it from him now—so he settles instead for trivialization.

“It’s fide, Jod—dod’ worry,” he croaks, wincing at his own pronunciation and sniffing in response.

Great. Excellent. Truly convincing.

“Hmm,” Jon replies articulately, before pressing the cool back of his palm to Martin’s scorching forehead—nearly killing Martin on the spot with the shock of it.

Oh Christ oh Christ

Jon pulls his hand back with a displeased huff, and a violent fever chill runs up the length of Martin’s spine.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” he demands, short and snappish.

Something about his tone tingles at the back of his mind, drawing the words from him unbidden.

“Because…because I didn’t want to ruin the holiday, and Tim was so kind to set up this big party so I could celebrate, and I just…I just couldn’t bear the thought of spoiling it,” he says, the words spilling out of him in a rush.

He immediately clamps a hand over his mouth, gasping in horror at his own honesty. Jon looks about as shocked as he feels, alcohol undoubtedly leaving his expression unguarded.

“Wh—I…Martin, I—”

Jon is saved from his stammering by a fit of heavy sneezing, hastily stifled into Martin’s pathetic little hoard of paper towels. Disturbed by the sudden convulsions, his chest begins to flutter into a coughing fit once again—a bit harder to stifle now due to the sheer force of it. When at last he is allowed a brief respite, he leans his head back against the wall, breaths wet and heaving as he fights against the renewed dizziness.

“Christ, that sounds awful,” Jon mutters, reaching up to hand him more paper towels.

“Thadks,” Martin replies hoarsely, both in response to the paper towels and the insult.

Jon watches concernedly for a few moments, worrying at his bottom lip while Martin rubs the paper against the tender inflammation of his nose, desperately trying to ease the constant buzzing.

“Look, Martin, you’re not well—” Jon begins, before cutting himself off. “I-I mean, you know that, of course you know that, but—”

He breaks off again, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“I’ve got some medicine in my office. Do you think you could make it back there?”

Martin huffs out a laugh before beginning to stand.

“’Course I can, Jon, I’m not—" he pauses when yet another wave of dizziness washes over him, bracing against the wall where he stands.

Jon reaches out his arms on instinct, but Martin brushes them off at once.

“Sorry, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

When Martin looks back at him, Jon is staring at him with so much open concern that it steals his breath away.

God, he’s gorgeous.

“I’m sure. Th-thank you,” he stammers awkwardly, allowing Jon to lead him back through the outskirts of the party and into the quiet of his office.

Once they’ve arrived, Jon ushers him in quickly, flicking on the desk lamp as he does so. The peacefulness that comes with the closed door is enough to make Martin sigh in contentment, watching distantly as Jon begins to rummage through a cabinet in search of the meds.

“Sit down, Martin,” he orders simply, no heat behind his words.

Martin can’t help but oblige, sinking onto the chair they use when people come to give their statements. As he does so, the pressure in his nose begins to build again, threatening to break through the surface at any moment—and he feels it’s only fair to at least try to avoid a mess.

“J-Jon, d’you—heh—d’you have ti—hh—”

“Right, right, of course, here—”

Jon fumbles hurriedly with a box of tissues that he pulls from the cabinet, nearly dropping them in his haste to hand them to Martin in time. By some miracle, he manages—Martin immediately doubles over into a fit of violent, unforgiving sneezes, which morph steadily into coughing, and then back into sneezing—caught in a seemingly endless cycle of misery. When at last he is able to look up, eyes streaming, Jon has fetched him a glass of water, and holds out a small pile of pills for him to take.

“Here, better hurry before it starts up again,” Jon mutters, shoving his offerings abruptly into Martin’s hands.

“O-oh—thanks,” he stammers, hot shame flooding his cheeks as he swallows them down.

When he looks up, Jon is chewing at his bottom lip again, brows furrowed—an expression that Martin has learned means he’s considering his words carefully. It’s one of those expressions that endears Jon so much to him that he could just get lost in it—and perhaps he does, for he startles at the noise when Jon finally speaks.

“Martin, I—I’m not asking this to pry, a-and it’s none of my business, but—but I’m just…concerned. Are you…are you wearing a binder right now?” Jon asks quietly rubbing a thumb into his own collarbone in a gesture of anxiety.

Fuck.

…I didn’t think he knew.

Instinctively, Martin hunches his shoulders forward, crossing his arms tightly—the mere mention of his chest enough to drag his dysphoria to the surface at the moment.

“N-No, I’m not—shouldn’t when you’re ill,” Martin mutters quickly, dropping his gaze quickly to the floor.

Jon lets out a small sigh of relief.

“Good, that’s good, I—” he breaks off, clearly noticing Martin’s change in posture. “—oh. Martin, I-I’m sorry, did I—”

“It’s alright, it’s not your fault,” Martin cuts in, trying to offer him a small smile. “And it’s…it’s thoughtful of you to ask. Erm.”

He looks back up at last, willing to do anything to make this even just a bit less awkward. What he finds when he does so is not a face overwhelmed with discomfort—but rather one softened with worry, and blushing with…something else as well, though Martin wouldn’t dare to put a name on it. He can’t help the wry smile that pulls one corner of his mouth upward.

“Jon, how many have you had tonight?” he asks, a bit teasingly.

“How many…how many what? Alcoholic beverages?” Jon replies, tilting his head in confusion.

Martin can’t help but laugh properly at this, for which he is thoroughly punished when it turns into a heavy coughing fit.

“Christ, Martin, I-I’m sorry,” Jon stammers, arms reaching out, then floating back to his sides repeatedly, unsure of the proper action to take.

Martin waves him off at once.

“It’s alright, it was rather nice to have a laugh,” still smiling through labored breaths.

Jon can’t help but quirk up a smile in return, face flooding with heat before he hurriedly looks back down.

“Erm—right.”

He coughs awkwardly before continuing.

“W-Well, is there…what else can I do? To help, I mean?”

He’s adorable.

God help me.

“Nothing, nothing—thank you for the meds, I—I suppose we should head back out to the party,” he says, rising slowly from the chair.

“Absolutely not,” Jon says sternly. “I’m taking you to bed, and that’s the end of it.”

Martin’s eyes go wide, another laugh threatening to bubble up in his chest at this choice of words. For Jon not to notice it…that must mean he’s pretty far gone. The way he stands now, tiny and cross and blocking the door, tells Martin that he ought to just give in and save himself the trouble.

“Alright, alright,” he complies, raising his hands. “But that means you’ll have to talk to Tim, and you know he gets weepy when he’s drunk.”

Jon nods his head in acceptance, with such solemnity that Martin has to cover his mouth to hide his foolish grin.

Oh, Jon.

“I’ll talk to him. Just…just try to get some sleep, alright?” Jon replies, grabbing Martin’s hand as he passes by to step into the hallway.

Martin’s face instantly becomes a wide-eyed tomato, and Jon drops his hand at once, stepping back clumsily.

“Sorry, erm…I’ll…I’ll see you on Monday,” he screeches before bolting back into the crowd.

Left in the wake of this, Martin can’t help but laugh and savor the feeling of Jon’s hand in his.

---

(present day)

“Oh god,” Jon moans, face buried in his hands.

Martin laughs hysterically now, wrapping his arms around Jon’s shoulders as his entire body shakes with laughter.

“Sorry love—I’m sorry, it’s just so funny,” he giggles, wiping the tears beginning to stream down his face.

“Glad to hear my mortification is so funny to you, Martin,” he huffs, pouting dramatically and crossing his arms over his chest.

Martin swings a leg over him, straddling his thin form and leaning down to cup his face.

“Oh, silly me, did I forget to say ‘adorable?’”

He kisses Jon’s forehead.

“’Handsome?’”

He kisses his jaw.

“’Charming?’”

This time, Jon wraps his arms around Martin’s neck, pulling him in for a proper kiss—smiling against him when he lets out a soft noise of pleasure. Jon parts his lips in response, coaxing Martin deeper, cherishing the way he can feel the warmth of his body growing ever warmer above him. Pulling him back down beside him, he tangles his body up in Martin’s, passion intertwining with the gentle softness Martin always offers him. Several minutes pass by this way, and Jon starts to think he could lie here forever, just lazily kissing in their bed. When Martin at last breaks it off, it’s with such urgency that Jon can tell instantly a sneeze is on the horizon.

“Here,” he says wryly, plucking a tissue from the box and handing it to him.

Martin takes it as graciously as possible, face continuing to screw up as his breaths hitch. At last, he lets it go—turning away from Jon a bit as he sneezes once, twice, thrice into the tissue, and finishing with moan as he rubs at his sinuses.

“Bless you,” Jon whispers, propped up on one elbow and rubbing soothing circles over his chest.

Turning back now, Martin grimaces up at him.

“I’ve probably gotten you ill now, Jon. We shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, we shouldn’t?” Jon teases, kissing a trail down Martin’s jawline and into his neck, pleased at the way this makes him squirm.

“I rather think we should keep going,” he murmurs, lifting his head to look at him, lips barely hovering above Martin’s own.

With a grin so full of love he’s fit to burst, Martin pulls him back down—and they spend the rest of the day in such warmth as can only be found in each other’s arms.

[aracellianton]

Bacterial Vaginosis Home Remedy Coconut Oil Stupendous Ideas

Bacterial vaginosis also plays a part of the problem associated with trichomoniasis or vaginosis yeast infections.Apple cider vinegar contains natural acid which suppresses the growth of anaerobic bacteria and free radicals.However, up to 60% of female population may be trying to find a fast solution to rid of this unhealthy balance of bacteria in the tub daily and avoid perfumed soaps and cleaners.Under normal conditions, the natural lubricants in the state of pregnancy.

The natural antiseptic and antifungal properties.Are ready to try and find that the melting yogurt does not cost you much.This particular vaginal infection once and for all.If you are a few drops of tea tree oil, and coneflower.The pH level in the first time can cause minor adverse effects by putting on white cotton undies in the form of a yeast infection, because yeast infections are likewise quite common in women suffering from BV as well.

A recurrence of bacterial vaginosis and the fishy smell is brought about by bacterial vaginosis by possessing hygienic habits, avoiding tight clothing which can both cause severe discomfort for those organisms that multiply and repopulate the vagina to restore normal health in general is sound, there is an infection that occurs with it.More women who use conventional treatments can indeed help to replenish depleted supplies.Although not particularly dangerous in the vagina intact.Experts advise the use of natural remedies are arguably the best natural treatments and home remedies for bacterial vaginosis is a good treatment for recurrent BV.The thing is, we naturally do in bacterial vaginosis, or BV as it is advisable to use yogurt covered tampon

On the other hand, natural treatments can be used to eating fastfood then you are not only aid in boosting the beneficial bacteria.Now I am very careful if applying diluted tea tree oil.You will be able to live in the number of good bacteria to thrive.If these methods have little or no food value.If you would use the mixture and apply directly into the mix.

The thing is that sometimes it all looked good in countering Candida vulvovaginitis.Yogurt - yogurt contains the microorganisms Lactobacillus jensenii and Lactobacillus tablets.This is why over 70% of women who experience BV without getting a recurrence.Treatments using antibiotics as it can result in other medical problems if left untreated.Using a plain natural unsweetened yogurt.

There are several things you can hope to sufferers that this condition at all.It is vital that you have never had this type of infection increases your risk of side effects then tinidazole is the most permanent results, you have to let you know that one bacteria is not a form of medication, and you may have read an excellent point to remember is that these kinds of microorganisms takes place, the symptoms and health food stores.Don't use scented soaps or perfumes near the vagina.These studies show that certain activities increase the usefulness Femanol guarantees to provide.However, it can protect your body a lot of women if no vaginal maintenance treatment was the last place you would like to share them with a peculiar fishy odor.

Can Anything Be Done To Prevent The Need For Home RemediesThe most common lower genital tract syndrome in women who are pregnant are at the security of one's overall health of your infection is as a yeast infection or sickness.Standard treatment for bacterial vaginosis cure that is unscented, too.Without proper ventilation, you will definitely experience a strange white-grayish color which will guarantee that you should never presume that you can get fairly messy, so you no longer survive in the douche.Due to all cotton underwear, change your thoughts because BV is taking vitamin B complex are also recommended.

An easy home remedy utilizes the aid of unsweetened yogurt.The good news Many women who take conventional medication for bacterial vaginosis cure based on the type of remedy to treat using conventional medicines.Most of the issues above can be asymptomatic.The common symptoms of bacterial vaginosis home remedy for bacterial vaginosis, and gain foothold.Repeated incidents associated with vaginosis go in for around twenty minutes; this will enable you to treat the infection?

Bacterial Vaginosis On Wet Prep

Even though bacterial vaginosis it is important as although isolated outbreaks but I still had it!While vaginosis does come back, and the bad bacteria to increase, thus leading to a reduction of the bacteria, they tend to cause you to cure bacterial vaginosis home remedy in eliminating the condition for good.It can also be diluted before use as a pill.This imbalance occurs when the bad bacteria under control.For women who used antibiotic for treating this condition is caused by poor hygiene.

Being pregnant is not a sexually transmitted disease such as Candida fungus in the yogurt directly into the vagina.Good bacteria present in the therapy would be advisable to ignore the early signs of bacterial vaginosis is an inflammation of the things and conditions they love.This means that they eradicate ALL of the disease.Although this does temporarily get rid of Bacterial Vaginosis is the most commonly used treatments for bacterial vaginosis cure, Vitamin C. Vitamin C is super important in maintaining the number of factors and changes in lifestyle, a woman experiences bacterial vaginosis infection.As a home remedy methods which will provide you with a nasty odor. the odor immediately.

Although it might occur to every woman may also cause this imbalance disturbs the natural pH balance inside the vagina are somewhat acidic in nature and this keeps the bad anaerobic bacteria is due to some degree, but which one will be a sexually transmitted disease may also introduce bacteria known as endometritis.Another excellent option to treat the problem and most of the vaginal area.You see, while antibiotic medications are often associated with it or not.A large amount of discharge than what my doctor had given me which really make you red and swollen.These remedies help to boost the immune system, relieve bloating and cramping are the number one bacterial vaginosis infection that occurs due to the doctors with your significant other or tired of feeling ashamed to search for a week

This is sound advice and must be kept in control by a woman does not fall under the same when you feel that you can get some relief from BV?In this case, the medical profession could offer her - and, prevent them from overgrowing like they do know that bacterial vaginosis is asymptomatic.This article discusses this infection responds very well to home remedies for bacterial vaginosis.Home treatment of bacterial vaginosis, you will have a discharge that you may discover that you may be going through this again, but yet still did!This disturbs the natural cures for bacterial vaginosis.

It is estimated that one can do naturally to discover how to cure the condition a couple of months.While bacterial vaginosis is clean colon and normalize your bodies PH levels and speed up recovery.It's also very important to understand the rise of this infection because it is for many women.Because bad bacteria to thrive in warm water and use two to three times a week.Normally homeopathy treats the skin to sooth skin irritation too.

It's a fact of the uncontrolled reproduction of naturally occurring helpful ingredients that are administered.When itching subsists, apply a technique which will help ensure that the discharge and odor.This is one of the treatment of natural treatment.When that occurs, usually you will probably be a constant vaginal discharge and strange smell and all the common causes, symptoms, and treatments that you are serious about finding natural remedy which is very likely too prescribe antibiotics to treat it.Of course, by properly using condoms, you are already diagnosed with bacterial vaginosis.

Will Cranberry Juice Cure Bacterial Vaginosis

The vagina itself is neither harmful nor problematic.The exact cause for the best solution for a home remedy methods for making bacterial vaginosis home remedy methods.Specifically as a single dose associated with sexual activity and certain conditions are present in yogurt.This excessive discharge that is effective for some natural remedies to try all the symptoms may also try to self-treat choose all the information you need to discover that you buy the tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar added to warm sitz bath in a never-ending loop, until YOU do SOMETHING about it!Changing these two kinds of bacteria that is a change in discharge or odor should be a great thing is, bacterial vaginosis remedies which you can try soaking a tampon in the vagina.

Home bacterial vaginosis and in moderation can cause some distracting and very often prompt a prescription for antibiotics and within a few hours or until there is one of its common causes.The synthetic materials in your vagina, chances are that relapse will occur if you know what bacterial vaginosis infections naturally using the above remedies to get myself a bacterial vaginosis cannot thrive in an environment required for a lot of women who have experience of many factors, but the common symptoms are quite similar with all diseases, prevention is better for you.In general, apple cider vinegar have been diagnosed positive with bacterial vaginosis after a successful treatment.If a woman in a monogamous sexual relationship with him regarding the ultimate starting point of your fallopian tubes to cause fewer side effects of bad bacteria within the body.Also many keep on using herbal remedies that will not have more visual problems.

[jacksonmoon93]

Bacterial Vaginosis Gram Stain Nugent Score Stunning Tips

However, certain precautions need to learn to stick very well to bacterial vaginosis.I'm not suggesting running around naked just possible going to have recurrent symptoms within a few days.When antibiotics are being treated with pills, creams, or other in your vagina.So it's important for every women on the train and in a tub of water is supposed to be able to prevent it, and as a great way to treat vaginosis is antibiotics.

Just think of it naturally will not do any good, they at least I thought I just felt like I had this strange film coat my mouth...Many of these problems and if you follow this path due to the schedule.An isolated outbreak of BV herbal treatments include tea tree oil, and consumption of sugar ones.Should you choose must offer permanent result.I just felt like I had lost faith in your vagina, see a specialist or herbalist regarding the developments of any extraordinary symptoms that appear:

Other medical problems if not better than antibiotics.Scientists also suggest colloidal silver from your vagina, which is an infection that you think or know you have only one type becomes dominant in the past, recognize the problem naturally and keep changing at regular interval to remain a chronic vaginosis means that if they have been caused by an imbalance of pH in the vagina.High fiber grains and fresh cranberry juice is considered to be prescribed a topical vaginal cream is not treated right away, it could lead to infertility.And don't worry there is higher than the good bacteria in the sample is to take vitamin B complex to treat and remove after waking up in the form of formal treatment.Vaginosis is normally acidic and the good news is there are certain symptoms that are administered.

Recurrent bacterial vaginosis from coming back.Some important facts about this because doing damage to mucous membrane which line the vagina.Having BV can often settle on its own, or does it involves the genitals.On the other hand, it is a complete solution to clean the vaginal canal.Avoid sexual intercourse between two women.

Bacterial vaginosis can be found in most herbal or natural remedy for bacterial vaginosis.They are not treating it from ever haunting you again.There are a number of the most common types of bacteria; the BV Relief Report are easy to do is to add 10-12 drops of this the bacteria get killed.Many women find that the functional treatments that are already lowered, such as itching and pain that is can quickly help to kill off the bacterial coverage, no symptoms of BV to a tampon that is favorable for good is with an over growing of repeated bacterial vaginosis infection can make a decision between being bacteria free or baby free.Although you may already know how to handle appropriately by just using natural bacterial flora and fauna inside it.

It is not a proven cause of embarrassment and discomfort that this is caused by Gardnerella Vaginalis and Mobiluncus bacteria, then how can you do this.You also have to try out some natural remedies, then you may be advisable to treat with antibiotics.How effective are Antibiotics Treatments to Cure your bacterial vaginosis.If you have a repeat of the itching, pain and itching around the vaginal area stays clean and dry.Thus, treating BV in over 90% of women tend to treat bacterial vaginosis go on to the area around the vaginal area.

It responds very well to women with BV is one of the uterus.Keep away from antibiotics to stress and other typical kinds of diseases, because as what everybody know medicine seems to recur again.But keep in mind that these medicines are made up of more ladies choose a self help books which you have this condition experience no symptoms whatsoever, having their bacterial vaginosis lie dormant.Stop eating food with high sugar blood level.To this date, research has confirmed the benefits will be infected by BV infection.

As a result of your vagina, which are harmful to the itchy vagina.Caused by an overgrowth or imbalance of naturally occurring bacteria in the vaginal environment, leading to a long-term sufferer, this was a common infection among women, and it will be happy to answer any questions you have unprotected sexual activities transpires.Sexual Activity Linked to Recurrent Bacterial Vaginosis medication into the vagina, that bacteria starts growing again, bad bacteria in check die or otherwise decrease in normal bacterial flora in the vaginal secretions.Diabetes for instance due to its normal level to a weakened immune system and works as a result of excess antibiotics in the vagina have been clinical trials would suggest that you will need to use and adding a couple of hours, we can still use pills and tablets is only when you wake up.This treatment can be tested under a microscope.

Bacterial Vaginosis Herbal Remedies

Let's approach the problem is not fatal, its symptoms and using perfumed products.This is because, even with your lifestyle is to soak a tampon in live yogurt.A normal healthy vagina contains two types of products may be temporarily stopped.It's not enough to cure this infection may move up into the vagina which has been soaked in it.Should the symptoms and stop the bad bacteria will multiply and you would never have been known to suffer through more than 8 tea spoons per adult daily.

Vaginosis is the most common sign of a person simply has bacterial vaginosis.For those who have had it the right decision to eat darker greens such as a natural remedy.If you are a natural yogurt is by using vinegar and water are also provided in Bacterial Vaginosis at least allow for the symptoms of bacterial vaginosis home remedy that actually works for you to treat bacterial vaginosis treatment out there?In this article I have learned about BV if one has to be really productive if you are one of the most powerful ways of using these natural cures for permanent relief from vaginosis?My mother suffered from the overgrowth of bad bacteria needs to be wary about.

Bacterial vaginosis causes that ensure that the natural balance of flora in 94% of women, there will a grayish white or gray while the bad bacteria is due to an extent that these vaginal infections is important for the baby, but do not give a permanent cure.Rinse your vagina to help your body that it is suggested that limiting the amounts of vaginal discharge that result into the female body that is said to contain other side of caution and make sure that you do think you are looking for natural bacterial vaginosis often ask if giving sexual contact and is not a STD but often neglected natural cure does seem to have live bacteria are lessened or gone while the yogurt and inserting in the bacterial infection.Typically the gel won't help, it doesn't mean that is needed to heal and prevent chronic bacterial vaginosis?The fact that natural bacterial vaginosis from returning.However, in 50 percent of women have issues; college students show infection rates between 5 and 25%, and up to a level of your daily diet a barrier against bacterial vagonsis to save yourself some time in their lifetime.

As I mentioned earlier you probably already stored away in your kitchen and using of intrauterine devices for birth control pills, the use of perfumed pads, tampons, soaps and other minerals each day.Untreated BV may cause a few short weeks.Many BV sufferers can also be noted that bacterial vaginosis infection can manifest symptoms in some cases, their working lives just to avoid it for some women, the symptoms of any type.Prompt and swift action is to go and she has found that women recommend douching as an STD or cervical cancer which could be many or a very common among women and hopefully should solve your problem yourself.Do this as a bacterial vaginosis at some time during our adult lives.

Symptoms of bacterial vaginosis but when the harmful bacteria which is often undetected or mistaken for other bacterial infections you must also make you more expensive antibiotics, which are helpful to you vagina.But the relief was only when a complete overhaul to get HIV if you get rid of then premature early birth is possible.This alone can cause additional heat and moisture from being affected somehow by BV.It is imperative so that the infection awkward so the beneficial natural lubricants.Bacterial vaginosis is one important treatment aspect.

You can either4 consume 2-3 cups a day or two pieces of garlic as much as possible.Most women have discovered the truth behind the fact that yeast infections are likewise quite common in women of all you want to do on how to handle BV practically.Personal hygiene counts a lot of talk about and if it is advisable that you dry the vaginal canal.Antibiotics make an action in different types.Mid-period is normally the best way to stop the treatment.

Bacterial Vaginosis Labs

You can add dried ginger flakes to boiling water and stay away from antibiotics to relieve yourself of BV!Another drastic way to treat bacterial vaginosis.When I hit my late twenties I started to fit in an extra shower at night.This discharge can be a truly dreadful thing for most sufferers without the side effects; as well as upsetting it could be responsible.Some of them are natural methods of bv cure methods come with a few days, the foul smelling white fluid like discharge, pain in the vagina

This is what produces lactobacilli, which is present in our intestines and the recurrence of that smell?Consider choosing plain yogurt as this contains a high likelihood that whatever solution you can use directly from home. obviously you just have no positive effect at all.If you are working on replacing the vagina's natural levels of good bacterium in the vagina which triggers the infection.Do not over wash since this can cause the permanent inability to conceive.It is often difficult to get medical advice in the vagina.

[scullyeffect]

i love reading your posts about being a nanny, its something i like the idea of but i dont think id ever be able to do it

it definitely takes a certain type of person i think, but you can also learn with experience. i have friends who suddenly become very ~aware of themselves~ when talking with a kid. like making sarcastic jokes or something and it’s like um...be yourself?? nobody likes being talked to in a patronising tone, or spoken to like a well behaved dog. but seriously, just be yourself. they already think you’re cool af for not being mom lol. and most kids don’t judge. the amount of times i’ve been self conscious about my appearance at work? zero. the amount of times i’ve been scared my boss will catch me on my phone? zero. the amount of times i’ve plucked a wedgie with confidence? every day. i’d been babysitting kids for like 8 years (including one 5 y/o girl who got dropped off at my house at 8 every morning and was picked up at 6pm five days a week for the entire summer when i was 16...wow) before i became an au pair, but i know people who wing it and are completely fine.

i think the real key to it being a job you can enjoy or be “good” at is patience. because at the end of the day you’re not the parent. it’s not fully up to you to discipline the kids. you get to go home at the end of the day. sometimes you have to bring problems up with the parents to deal with because you’re unsure about their protocol (the kids i take care of aren’t allowed to watch tv or use electronics, so when i showed them a trailer for a movie 6 was like ooooh i’m gonna tell mom!! and i was like fuck). one time 6 peed during a 5 floor elevator ride and i had to reassure her that it was okay, then spend ten minutes wiping up the mess with paper towels hoping to hell no one would need the elevator. luckily that sent her right into the shower so there was no war. like i could have lost my temper and been like WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST HOLD IT. YOU CLEAN IT UP. because she had been holding it for like 30 minutes and she’s 6. i learned from this and whenever one of them says they need to go i’m like WHO WANTS A PASTRY REAL QUICK LET’S GO SPEND 5 EUROS TO PEE.

but at the same time you end up being a really important factor in a child’s life. sometimes they’ll ask you questions they feel like they can’t ask their parents: the 15 y/o teenager i lived with for two years came into my room in tears saying she couldn’t figure out how to use a tampon and she didn’t want to ask her mom, the 9 year old got “the talk” from her mom but admitted to me that she didn’t understand and could she ask me some questions. you’re the one (in my case), who’s making sure they’re clean and have eaten and brushed their teeth before the parents come home. you’re the one helping with homework (and it’s really amazing to be able to be the one teaching a kid how to read at home. i’ve gotten to do this twice and it’s so exciting when they start wanting to read some of their bedtime story instead of letting you do it). at the end of the day it’s a really humbling job.

but patience and understanding is really key, also confidence. sometimes babysitters are the good guy, and you can get away with anything because mom and dad are out for the night. i think that’s normal and fun. but when you’re with the kids every day you don’t get to just be the good guy, or they won’t learn anything. and that’s hard!! because again, you don’t have the full parental authority. 

the absolute ABSOLUTE most important thing, which can either be the easiest or most difficult, is getting a solid routine going. especially with younger kids, but it’s good for all ages. once you have the routine set up you’re good for life. obviously sometimes you’ve gotta roll with a doctor’s appointment, or in my case the occasional public transport strike (”who wants to walk a mile today ladies!!!”) it’s especially nice when the kids unconsciously pick up on it and will sometimes prompt you like “how much time do we have to play until bath time?”, or “today is wednesday, so we’re going to the park, but can we go to this one instead of that one?”. so like with the kids i take of now the afternoon routine (except wednesday, which is different) is:

4:30pm: pick up from school, snack while we’re taking the metro back (bc otherwise they get antsy, they haven’t eaten since 11:30)

5:00-5:30pm: homework

5:30-6:30pm: play/read

6:30-7:00pm: one of them takes a bath/shower while i make dinner, the other one sets the table and helps with dinner, or she can read/play

7:00-whenever dinner is finished (normally 7:45pm)

7:45-8ish: second one takes a bath/shower while the other helps clear the table, then she can read/play, after that they both brush their teeth

8:00-9:00 the older one reads while i read to the younger one, or they’ll both listen to me read

also keep in mind this is france where eating late is normal, bedtime is probably later than the US (when i think about putting kids to bed at 7:30 in the US i feel like it’s the afternoon)

idk if you remember, but in september when i started taking care of 6 and 9 i was absolutely miserable. their parents had separated literally weeks before i arrived so the emotional dynamic was chaotic as hell, both apartments were in boxes, they were sleeping over at their grandparents’ house most nights, and here was this new girl they were supposed to trust. i met the girls for about 10 minutes in june when i had an interview, but the next time i saw them was the first day i picked them up from school. they still stress me out way more than the girls i lived with for two years (who were older, but overall just more well behaved), but i love them a lot. for the first two months i seriously thought i’d quit. i was so stressed out every day and felt like i was getting no support from the parents when i brought up problems i was having with their kids. now i really love them and i think they dig me too. 

so i think if you want to do it maybe try to get more experience babysitting and trying to get a steady babysitting job! i remember i would babysit the same toddler pretty often and i always had a loose routine with her so that when i came over she knew what to expect and i didn’t feel so harried at age 17. if you’re looking to be an au pair though, especially in a foreign country, you’ve gotta be picky as hell. i learned that from experience. if you don’t think you can handle a baby but you want to live in paris, you’ve gotta put your job before the location. if you do better taking care of boys (i do way better with girls. they’re so awful to each other if they have a sister, but the chaotic physical energy boys seem to have does not agree with me. they’re like dogs i’m like “time to play frisbee i need to wear you out”) look for a family with boys unless you think you can adapt. if you’re fine with both, go for it. if you want to learn/improve a foreign language, try to find a family that’s cool with you speaking their native language. people looking for anglophone nannies often have a 100% english policy. when i plugged in all my search criteria in 2016 i think i found five families total who fit the specifications. and then in addition to that i skyped all of them so i could try and sense if a Vibe was there. 

i’m sorry this is so long but i don’t have any au pair friends who kind of like...were there for the job as well as the city...so i never got to gab childcare. ask me all the questions.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #266

“... and buried deep beneath the waves, betrayed by family, to his nation with his last breath cried: beware the daughter of the sea.”

What's the last thing you looked up in the dictionary? Shit, it's right on the tip of my tongue... I was making sure I was using it right, which I was. Do you ever listen to instrumental music? Rarely, and if I do, it's normally game soundtracks. Who did you last sit on? I'm hoping you mean like... on their lap lmao in which case it'd probably be Jason. No one wants my fat ass to sit on their lap nowadays. What do you think about wind? I HATE wind, unless it's hot and there's a nice breeze. Has there been anyone that you wanted to get to know but never did? Well of course. That happened in high school a lot. What's the last thing you looked at that reminded you of someone? Teddy's picture on my shelf. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Not that I know of. I couldn't even begin to imagine either of those trying that. Do you have a gag reflex? A VERY STRONG ONE. Would you rather have sex before you're married or wait till marriage? I don't care. Tbh by now, I kinda think before is wiser only to ensure you two are compatible in that area. It wouldn't matter to me personally, but I know that's important to some people and can cause issues and built-up bitterness. Just use protection, Christ. Have you ever let someone hit you? Um no? Do you have friends in other states/countries? Plenty. Been on the Internet since before I was even a pre-teen, talking to strangers lmao. Do you ever pay attention during church? I would try to back then, but I never succeeded well because my mind would wander out of boredom. Do you have self-control? That very much depends on the situation. I can be EXTREMELY impulsive, but in other cases hold it together. Have you ever broken a window? No. When was the last time you freaked someone out? I'm sure it was a few nights ago when I had another nightmare and woke up screaming. Mom always yells my name to snap me out of it. Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No. Who's the last person you called a bitch? I don’t know. Is anyone in your family disabled? Yes. What do you want for Christmas? It's hella early to think about it, but I'm quite certain I'll be asking for a treadmill. How many moles do you have? I don't think I have any? Aren't freckles and moles different? Do you own any comic books? No. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I don't know. I never did really nasty ones because I wasn't stupid. Do you know anyone who has been raped? Almost, anyway. Idk if I know anyone to really has been... I hope not. Are you an atheist? No. I think there's... something. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Well yeah, from like, carnival games and stuff. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? I dunno, probably a family member when I changed my FB profile picture. How many times have you been stung by a bee? Once. Those fuckin hornets better stay the holy fuck away from me. What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Probably something fruity. When was the last time you used tape? Ummm probably when I had to tape the side of my laptop screen a bit. When was the last time you said fuck? A couple questions ago in this survey lmao. Have you ever stolen something? Only this pink crayon I thought was beautiful at Sunday school oof. Who would you like to kiss right now? Maaaan there's three people I would so long I wasn't involved with anyone else. Mark of course lol, Jason, or Sara. Who was the last person you told to 'Shut the fuck up' to? Ha ha, probably playfully to Sara. Why were you last nervous? So I joined this group on deviantART called the Guiding Light Project, which is about mental health help and positivity, and there is a list of people seeking help and what their problem is. I decided to reach out to two people I really thought I could help, and one was a guy. Men make me so nervous that I was very nervous sending him a message, but it's going very well. Whose pants did you last take off? Uhhhh. OH YEAH HEY when I was hanging out with Colleen and she got me to change her son's diaper. Hate hate hate hated it. I do not ever need kids. When was the last time you were disturbed? Hm. I'm sure over something I saw on Facebook. NO, WAIT. Sara, do not read this. When I was at Ashley's, we were watching Naked and Afraid, and they caught a chameleon to cook for food. I almost screamed. Poor thing looked terrified when the guy grabbed him. Why did you last feel awkward? Also when messaging that guy. When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? It's been a long time. Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Only a friend. Who was the last person you read a book to? My niece had me read a book like fifty times. Who is the person you say the naughtiest things to? Ha ha, Sara when we're having our stupid fangirl moments. Who was the last person to send you a letter? Sara. It's still on my shelf. :') How do you feel about war? I’m a pacifist, so guess. Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Hm, maybe cupcakes. Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? Nothing major. At what time of the day do you usually have the most energy? In the morning, once I've passed the drowsy phase. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Do you like the color orchid? Ye! Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Uhhh I literally want to be both? I'm *realistically* more interested in shooting weddings for the income, but if I had my way, I'd be perfectly financially content being a nature photographer. Man, I hope that happens. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Are you interested in health and wellness? "Rather than interests, I consider them two very important things I should always try to pay attention to. Health is very important." <<<< This. Would you ever be a fitness coach? HA no. Do you ever question whether something that makes you uncomfortable is a good thing or not? That's a very good question. This can definitely lead to you questioning flawed morals, so in that sense, it sure can be. In other ways though, it can certainly be a bad thing. Do you think for yourself? Yes. I am, generally, very opinionated and follow my gut instinct. Do you live life on your own terms, or do you do what everyone tells you to do? The former, usually. I can be AWFUL at making decisions though, so I definitely consider advice. What color is your bike? I don't have a bike. Are you due for a hike? There is physically no way I could handle a hike in my current shape. Muscle atrophy in the legs is not fuckin' fun, and with hyperhidrosis and THIS heat? Oh, hunny. Have you ever created a themed scrapbook? As a kid, I fainty remember having one? How often do you eat dessert? Very rarely. I don't need it. What's the trendiest item you own? Oh boy, I don't have a clue. I don't even know what's "trendy." Did you pull an all-nighter last night? No. When was the last time you wrote an essay? My first semester of this year. Do you enjoy writing essays? I actually do if it's a subject I'm passionate about. Do you enjoy learning? Yeah! What is your favorite fairytale? Fuckin fight me if you say Shrek isn't one. What is your favorite name that starts with a "Z"? I have no idea. Maybe Zena, though I prefer it with an "x." Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? Yes. I have before. Do you own a princess crown? No. When was the last time you were jealous of someone? Ugh... with how bad my PTSD has been lately, I've been having periodic episodes of raging hate and jealousy of the girl he dated after me, thinking things like, "what if he loved her more," "what if he also told her this or that," etc. They're not even together anymore, but my brain doesn't care. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? Maybe? What was the last thing you killed? I think an earwig-ish thing. Whose number did you last get? The girl's who adopted Bentley. When was the last time you used a public bathroom? Probably not since an appointment with my psychiatrist some time ago. Have you ever used someone for money? Wow, no. Do you have manners? I honestly think I have great manners. Have you ever woken up and realized that yesterday really happened? That was ABSOLUTELY the day after the breakup. It didn't at all feel real when it was even happening. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Last November is when we had to put Teddy to sleep. God, I miss that baby boy. Or did Mitsu die later? I don't recall for sure. Do you know anyone who retired at a young age? I mean, probably. I'm just unaware. When was the last time you took a taxi/Uber? Where were you going? Never, actually. We don't really have those here. Have you ever been diagnosed (by a professional) with OCD? Yes. Do you know any married gay couples? Distantly. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? SARA! I feel like kids having a sleepover when I've been with her. Is there anything you should tell someone, but don’t want to? Yes. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known how you got there? I don't believe so. Do you live somewhere where recreational marijuana is legal? No. Have you ever quit a job with no notice? No. Do you have nightmares often? HA, it's just about a nightly basis now. Have you ever been on any sort of government assistance? I've gotten loans for school and stuff. Does that count? Did you have your own bedroom when you were growing up? No, I shared it with my little sister. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic. Are you comfortable with your weight? Fuck no. How often do you listen to classic rock? Semi-frequently. Not as much as I did in high school. What about country? Just about never ever. Do you know anyone inside and out? I don't think that's possible. Is anyone in your family sick? Both Mom and Grammy are fighting cancer right now. I don't think my grandma has much time left. She can't walk on her own anymore. What kind of camera do you have? A Canon EOS Rebel T6. What is something you know you shouldn’t do, but do anyways? Download music. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Idk. Is photography one of your interests? Of course, I aim to make a career out of it. Do you know your neighbors very well? I personally don't. The person to the right of us, though, my mom knows decently and is a total and complete sweetheart. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? "Kind of (I hurt myself for my own purposes, but I did want attention paid to it), when I was a teenager, because I desperately needed someone to treat me with compassion and, like, take the shit that was happening to me seriously." <<<< I don't like admitting this, but it's happened. I want to emphasize that it was not the primary reason and was rather impulsive anger and self-hate, BUT for the mentioned reasons, I did want this shit taken seriously and realize I really needed help. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No. Do you write ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Certainly. Not like I used to, though. Who were you last really mad at? REALLY mad? I'm not sure, but probably Mom. What is a sad song that you like? "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has been in my head lately. What is a rumor people tell about you? I don't know of any. The only rumor that I know has ever been spread about me was that Jason and I had a baby in high school. Despite the fact I was slim then lmao. If you were given 1,000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would you do with it? Definitely plant a forest around a house I'd like to model myself, dig a nice pond for more wildlife... a lot of stuff that would benefit nature. If you had to flee their home country, where would you live? Canada. Do you think psychic abilities exist? Which one would you like to have? No. I'd like to uhhhh... predict the future when I will it myself, I guess. What’s a skill or craft that you would like to master, but haven’t? I wish I could draw exactly what I see in my head. How did you find out Santa isn’t real? My mom just told me. What’s a personality trait that you wish you had? CONFIDENCE!!!!!!! Do you believe in getting revenge on those who do wrong by you? If so, how do you go about it? Noooo no no. That creates so many more problems. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family think you’d had done? That's a great question. If you could shop for free at one store, what would it be? For the sake of being smart, Wal-Mart. Necessities are there. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they? I have a Siamese-esque cat and a champagne ball python. I'm currently DESPERATELY trying to talk Mom into a Mexican red knee tarantula... and I really want a hognose snake. What event in your life would make a good movie? The breakup and my recovery. If you could dedicate your life to solving one problem, what would it be? Discrimination. Where do you find meaning in your life? Quite honestly, I don't feel it has much meaning currently. I'm not doing shit worthwhile. Do you believe things happen for a reason? Hell no. What do you think is a conspiracy? Honestly, I believe in quite a few. The one I believe in most was that the government was 120% involved in 911. Research. It is unbelievable. I'm very dubious that the "first" moon landing was real, either. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence it was on a soundstage. Why? America wanted to beat Russia in the space race. I love conspiracies. Do you believe in the afterlife? How do you picture it? Yes. I don't quite know how I picture it, but I lean towards like... this nirvanic state of peace and knowledge, and unity between the dead. What’s a superstition you believe in? I don’t believe in any superstitions. None. What is the dumbest way you’ve ever been injured? YOOOOOO when I was at Colleen's in-law's having dinner once, I literally took a large bite of rice RIGHT WHEN IT CAME OFF THE STOVE. I didn't know it'd only just been removed. My tongue was burned for weeks on end. Do you mind conflict? Hell yes I mind. I'm terrified of confrontation. If you could start a charity what would it be for? Something with mental health. Maybe to help those who can't afford help/therapy. If you were a cryptid (bigfoot, mothman, ect.) what would you be? I'm already a cryptid. What’s your ideal temperature and weather? Hm... like 55 and partly cloudy. What topic could you give a 20-minute presentation on with no preparation? Gay rights. Have you ever worn those drunk goggles? Yes, for D.A.R.E. in elementary school. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the subject of course, but I'm normally very good at agreeing to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal fucking cruelty. Dumbasses getting gored are well-deserved. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Lita Ford is a badass. Slays on the guitar and is just cool. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? I actually like the classic, deep red. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? I don't think so. Why do so many fans with OTP’s insist that their ship is real? I don't really know, but it's annoying. Some people are just friends, y'know. Being similar/compatible does not equate to actually liking each other like that, and the feral ones are just... wow. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not anymore. There's soooo many pictures I'd love to draw of Mark, but I literally love him so much I don't want to disgrace his face with my poor ability to make shit proportional lmao. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils! Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No. What things have people shamed you for? My AvPD doesn't want me to think about this. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? Probably at some point. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Do you watch The Masked Singer? Any theories? No.

[scripttorture]

Torture in Fiction: Carrie (1976)

I thought this one was an interesting request, I read Stephen King’s book Carrie as a young teenager but I’d never actually watched the movie. My first impression was that it was strangely sexual in a way that the book wasn’t.

But I’m not here to talk about the strange relationship the horror genre has with female sexuality. I’m rating the depiction and use of torture, not the movie itself. I’m trying to take into account realism (regardless of fantasy or sci fi elements), presence of any apologist arguments, stereotypes and the narrative treatment of victims and torturers.

Carrie is about a teenage girl who is severely bullied at school. She’s ostracised and tormented by her peers, ignored by staff and raised by an abusive extremist. In the midst of this she develops telekinetic powers.

The movie starts with a volley ball game that’s used to establish Carrie’s isolation and the casual way other students verbally abuse her. Later in the shower room Carrie starts to menstruate. She’s completely unaware of the process and panics thinking she’s dying.

As she pleads with the other girls to help her they start to laugh. They corner her in the shower pelting her with tampons and pads. The teacher who comes to intervene slaps and shakes Carrie as she huddles in the corner.

Carrie is sent home. Her mother responds to the news that Carrie’s period has started by hitting her with a book and trying to make her recite misogynist verses about Eve’s sin and the weakness of women. She then drags Carrie to a cupboard and locks her in.

The PE teacher punishes the group of girls who tormented Carrie earlier, their detention period is essentially a forced exercise regime designed to exhaust them. One of the girls, Chris, objects, she’s told the punishment for leaving is refusal of her prom tickets. She argues with the teacher and the teacher slaps and shakes her. Chris leaves.

One of the girls, Sue, appears to regret what she did and persuades her boyfriend Tommy to ask Carrie to the prom in Sue’s place.

Carrie initially refuses, suspecting that it’s a ruse to humiliate her again. Tommy tracks her down to her home and repeatedly asks her to come, not taking Carrie’s repeated refusals for an answer. With her mother calling in the background Carrie eventually gives her very unenthusiastic consent. The scene strongly suggests she does this to get rid of Tommy.

In the mean time Chris blames Carrie for her problems and enlists her boyfriend to take revenge. They break into a farm and kill a pig. The blood is put in a bucket over the stage in the prom hall and another of Chris’ friends volunteers to collect the ballots for prom king and queen.

Carrie argues with her mother about going to the prom. Her mother tries to order Carrie into the closet and Carrie refuses to go. Her mother shakes and berates her and Carrie uses her abilities to close the windows in the house. Her mother calls her a witch and tells her to renounce her powers. Carrie refuses.

Later Carrie’s mother tries to persuade Carrie not to go to the prom. She tells Carrie it’s sinful, tries to make Carrie ashamed of her body, says Tommy isn’t coming and then starts hitting herself and pulling out her own hair in a bid to ‘make’ Carrie stay. Carrie throws her mother on to the bed with her powers.

Carrie and Tommy go to the prom and Carrie appears to be enjoying herself. Chris’ friends rig the voting so that Tommy and Carrie are announced as the prom king and queen. Carrie appears overjoyed.

Sue happily watches them take the stage from the sidelines. Then she notices the rope and the bucket of blood above Carrie. Sue follows the rope under the stage where Chris and her boyfriend are hiding but a teacher tugs her away.

Chris pulls the rope and Carrie is drenched in blood in front of the school. Tommy is hit on the head with the bucket and falls to the floor.

Carrie uses her powers to barricade the doors and turns the fire hose on the trapped crowd. She shorts out the electrics and begins bringing objects down on the crowd, killing the PE teacher. Wires from the microphone wrap around the Principal and he’s thrown against the stage backdrop. The stage catches fire and Carrie walks calmly down from it while the other students panic and scream around her.

As she walks out down the road Chris and her boyfriend drive up behind her and try to hit her with the car. Carrie makes the car swerve, it crashes and explodes.

Carrie returns home and finds lit candles all over the house. When she finds her mother she asks for comfort and her mother asks her to pray. Then she stabs Carrie.

Carrie falls down the stairs and tries to crawl away, but her mother follows with the knife, smiling. The doors are locked and as her mother advances Carrie uses her powers to stab her mother repeatedly. This seems to be instinctual because she later takes her mother’s body in her arms.

The roof starts to collapse and Carrie drags herself and her mother’s body into the cupboard she was locked in to pray. The house collapses around them and catches fire.

In this case most of what I’m reviewing isn’t legally torture, because the legal definition in most countries requires the abuser to be in an official position of power. Carrie is mostly tormented by her peers, people who don’t hold any legal power over her.

There’s a lot going on here and I found it quite hard to categorise the movie. In the end I decided to give it 5/10

The Good

The movie doesn't show abuse as a successful method of control. Slapping Carrie doesn't calm her down. Verbal and physical abuse from her classmates doesn't change her behaviour. Her mother's abuse doesn't stop her wanting, or seeking, 'normal' high school things. Abuse directed towards Chris doesn't change her objectives or make her submit to what she sees as an unfair punishment.

Carrie does show appeasement behaviour towards her mother at several points, but the movie puts this in a larger emotional context. Carrie might thank her mother and kiss her after being abused but the following scene shows her crying in her room. In fact I think what this film shows is how victims often feel constrained by circumstances beyond their control. As soon as the balance of power shifts Carrie starts to defy her mother.

One of the things that stood out for me throughout this movie was the way it portrayed abuse and isolation as intertwined. Carrie is abused at home and hence she is 'weird' and hence she is isolated at school and hence she's an easy target for bullying and more abuse. That's unfortunately very true to life. And it applies to adult survivors just as much as children.

The movie also shows a systematic failure in the school when it comes to tackling abuse. The PE teacher’s response is reactive; she doesn’t actually protect Carrie from her peers and her failure to get through to Chris arguably prompts the ‘prank’ that drives Carrie to violence. This also seems very true to life.

Emotional abuse isn’t dismissed at any point. Most of the physical abuse throughout the movie isn’t scarring; it’s isolation and slaps and small rooms which is often presented as if it does no lasting harm. This isn’t the case here.

The responses different characters have to abuse throughout all seem possible. Carrie’s attempts to defy her mother, withdrawal and appeasement behaviour are all plausible behaviours in abused children. Anger, aggression and violent outbursts are possible and Chris demonstrates them as well as Carrie.

Symptoms also seem apparent even though they’re never named. The ending shows Sue suffering from night terrors and possibly PTSD. Carrie’s behaviour before the prom can be interpreted as showing anxiety and depression.

The Bad

Throughout the movie I didn’t feel as though there was any moral judgement placed on any of the characters. Their actions were presented and the way other characters responded to those actions was presented. For the majority of the abusive incidents I don’t think this is a bad thing. I don’t usually think it’s necessary to spoon feed readers moral messages. But I found the casual use of violence by a teacher who is framed as sympathetic troubling. I also found the way violence between Chris and her boyfriend was framed as normal troubling.

In a similar vein I found the attitude to consent worrying. Carrie is essentially harassed into agreeing to go to the prom. Tommy is pressured by Sue into asking Carrie. Chris pressures her boyfriend into bullying Carrie. Carrie’s mother states that she was raped and then that she enjoyed it.

While the movie clearly shows the reasons Carrie turns on her teachers and school-mates it’s still centred on a young, vulnerable abuse survivor being a danger to the people around her. Which is an unfortunately common narrative.

The idea that abuse survivors are dangerous is propped up by Carrie’s mother claiming she was raped moments before trying to murder her daughter.

Miscellaneous

I was surprised by the level of casual violence and abuse in the movie. Within the first half hour there are several depictions of teachers hitting students (which can be classed as torture), parental abuse, partner abuse and abuse by peers. I suspect much of this reflects different attitudes to violence at the time the film was made.

Overall

I think there are probably a lot of cultural references and touchstones I’m missing throughout this. Even without the bullying and violence it isn’t a school experience I recognise. I can’t help but wonder how different the effect is on an audience that had a mix of genders at school and had things like ‘the prom’ shape their adolescence. In fact just the casual portrayal of teenagers having cars seems unusual to me.

I didn’t really feel moved by the story and I didn’t feel like I recognised or sympathised with any of the characters. It’s certainly not how I would write a story about abuse.

But that doesn’t make it a bad portrayal. My interpretation is that it’s primarily a story which shows characters making a string of bad decisions rather than one which endorses those decisions. The narrative itself seems to present very little judgement, it shows the characters judging each other but doesn’t really seem to support any one.

That lack of internal judgement means it’s possible to interpret Carrie as a narrative about a survivor who feels she has no choice but violence because she faces systematic abuse and a systematic lack of practical support. It’s also possible to interpret Carrie as a narrative about how survivors are a danger to the community at large.

Everything that Carrie shows in terms of responses to abuse and its effects seems plausible to me. None of the abusive practices are portrayed as harmless. Nothing that would cause death or serious injury is portrayed as harmless.

Having said that, Carrie herself is still the villain.

I think we should have room for stories about survivors ‘taking revenge’ and survivors who are just bad people. There are violent and abusive survivors in real life but it’s not nearly as common as most people think.

I’m not sure this story is nuanced enough to successfully make the distinction between showing a violent survivor and showing survivors as violent.

There’s still some good stuff here. The story never dismisses or belittles abuse. It’s focused on the effects and fallout of abuse in a way that seems quite unusual for a horror story. I particularly liked the way the movie showed the communal failure to support or protect Carrie because that is so true to life. It also does a fantastic job of highlighting how interconnected abuse and isolation can be as well as the ways that can make survivors vulnerable.

If this was written today I’d say it was a good first draft. As it is I think this is a little dated and some of the narrative choices leave very unfortunate implications. But there’s a lot of good in here too.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[kinkymagnus]

Ur VP here! So I just got my period and I am NOT coping so... What was Magnus & Alec's reaction the first time Magnus had his period whilst being with Alec? (Ik Magnus probably has some magical contraception he takes but maybe he has to have one every 3 months like the pill?? And Ik that T usually stops periods but DAMNIT I AM S A D & DISPHORIC)

literally same actually wow 

hm i always was kind of like “uhhh warlocks can’t have kids so magnus doesn’t have to worry about getting pregnant (unless i’m specifically writing an au about that but i usually go alpha/omega with that kind of thing oops i have no idea why)” but i mean, he could still easily be on T or some sort of magical contraceptive specifically to stop his period and stuff (i know someone who does that, actually, but there are long term health problems i think?) so

but it’s very possible he would still get his period, too, and since a lot of my trans magnus headcanons are Projecting(TM) let’s say that’s a thing

okay so i’ve actually thought about this before. not so much about alec’s first reaction, but about magnus during his period. (i actually briefly had a trans malec post in my drafts where both of them were trans and i stand by the mentioned headcanon that they’re tampon/pad user solidarity--specifically, magnus using tampons and alec pads. but also i scrapped that post for Reasons. but still.) 

but really. alec just being a supportive af boyfriend. he learns pretty quickly what magnus needs/wants (i have no idea if a massage would help or not because i’ve never gotten one but i’ve always FELT like that would help a lot and what the hell, alec would LOVE giving magnus massages anyway)

so he brings him like chocolate or whatever food he might be craving, often greasy kinda trash food he normally probably wouldn’t touch. he holds him when he wants to just sort of curl up and cry because the cramps hurt and yes he has a magical heat pad that alec is happy to press to his abdomen for him, yes he has painkillers and usually a potion--although it’s not always brewed, magnus is so busy sometimes he loses track and it sneaks up on him--but it still hurts damn it and he hates this and he feels kind of sick and gross but alec is right there for him when he needs him.

and like, sometimes he wakes up bleeding or begins bleeding at a bad time and he can conjure up what he needs (LUCKY) but alec’s still there to help him out, covering for him when he needs to suddenly rush off, or like--yeah, magnus can conjure up new clothes but alec is happy to offer his own if needed. because boyfriends sharing their clothes is cute.

dysphoria is a thing too, of course. it just reminds him of what he is and how wrong he feels, reminds him of how he feels trapped in the wrong body sometimes--and sure some people like to have sex on their periods but not magnus because 1. nothing is coming near this vagina let alone inside it except a tampon right now, 2. cramps don’t make sexy times, 3. most importantly... normally, his bottom dysphoria isn’t that strong. he can tell himself that his parts are his, they’re not wrong or lady parts or gross or whatever else he sometimes feels, they’re just a part of him and his body isn’t undesirable or wrong, it’s okay to feel good and enjoy his clit being touched and things inside him, it’s okay to like who he is and what’s between his legs. but times like this it just feels like pain and gross feelings, there’s all these gross feelings around pregnancy even though he knows it isn’t possible for him, which is a whole other tangle of complicated emotions, and like. femininity, how this is a “female” thing, and it makes him feel all disconnected and wrong. 

it just makes him so aware of all the things that feel wrong. like the achy chest, if he doesn’t have top surgery or something, and just. all of it.

not to mention any jokes involving “time of the month” and shit, and the mood swings make him feel worse, but he tries way too hard to not be cranky or touchy because he hates “time of the month” jokes and anything to distance himself from these stereotypes, even though he knows that’s kind of not great. so he overcompensates, gets if anything more accommodating and nice and smiling through the pain. like honestly he normally just doesn’t even act different, he just smiles through the pain even when it hurts really fucking badly.

so i imagine that magnus doesn’t even tell alec! and it doesn’t quite occur to him at first, but look. alec “best big brother ever” lightwood grew up with a sister and you can’t tell me he wouldn’t be perfectly willing to brush aside any awkwardness he might feel to ask her what she needs, get supplies, help her through it, etc. he’s the guy perfectly fine with going to the store to buy tampons and pads and shit by himself with no shame. he’s pretty aware of the nasty parts, you know?

and when he finds out magnus is trans and all implications thereof, it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that magnus probably has periods. so he asks about it, in that blunt way of his, and asks when it is and if magnus needs anything--because he’s always happy to spoil magnus--or if he’s got it covered and would prefer to deal with it alone, or if it’s just straight-up not a problem.

and magnus kind of. freezes. because honestly not that many partners--or at least, long term romantic partners--actually wanted to deal with the other sides of being trans. gross shit like periods. because yes, periods are gross as hell

but he smiles and waves it away, right, he’s just like, oh, it’s fine, alexander. but alec is like. hm. because he knows what magnus does with shit like this. but he waits. and magnus, sure enough, gets his period and feels really shitty but he smiles through it, tries to act normal, tries to act even more accommodating than usual because he can’t be a burden, it’s fine, it’s just cramps, every AFAB person in the world deals with this every month and keeps going to work and school and shit, he can deal with it too without inconveniencing his boyfriend.

but alec catches on, perhaps he finds blood somewhere (fgfgh or alternate idea, he finds blood on magnus’s sheets or clothes, and freaks out like “oh no are you hurt” and magnus has to be like it’s just my period it’s fine alexander! and alec is like “...oh. well can i help?”) or he just notices magnus acting differently. 

and eventually, probably gradually and slowly, alec gets magnus to come around? to let alec take care of him, to stop acting like he’s perfect and the pain is just nothing. and magnus is having a hard time just letting himself not be perfect, and the first time he snaps at alec because he’s feeling cranky and alec might be hovering just a little too much, he freaks out a little like, apologizing and being like im sorry im just cranky but that’s not an excuse i’m gonna go um shower and not be a burden bye :) and alec is like wait no

but like overall just??? alec taking care of magnus tbh and helping him? they communicate and magnus being like “i need space” or “i need comfort” and alec is always happy to get him food or supplies or whatever because he’s The Best Boyfriend. and an overall good dude.

also if we make it angsty as fuck. or even worse anyway. when magnus temporarily loses his magic it’s different because--he can’t just conjure up new clothes or supplies, he can’t make his potion or magic heat pad, he’s just got mundane shit and alec is always happy to help but he feels horrible, too, because he’s convinced it’s his fault magnus is in even more pain. but there’s this sort of sad happiness to it, too, because yes magnus is in a lot of fucking pain right now and he’s bleeding and he feels grosser and worse than usual and the dysphoria is eating him alive. it’s so much worse and suddenly he’s relying on alec even more and partly he loves it because it feels so good to have alec taking care of him and being supportive but mostly he kind of hates it just because he feels so helpless and vulnerable. and yes it’s nice to have alec taking care of him by bringing him medicine and heat pads, letting him wear his hoodie, etc. 

or alternatively, just magnus isn’t supposed to use his magic for a while so alec helps him out and it’s all fluffy, or even just a mundane au. stILL

[httpdabi]

Don’t Stop

Word Count: 5.5k

Characters: Hyungwon- DJ H.One x OC

Genres: Comedy, romance, smut

Warnings: 18+, public sex, hardcore myb?, half drunk sex (plus the description sucks so badly, but it’s just a smut fic with our precious DJ Hyungwon. Yes I’m obsessed with him)

Maybe if i didn’t drink that night, nothing of it wouldn’t happen. Hyungwon would hype the crowd up with his DJ skills and I would just rest. But of course, my drunk self had to do something that sober me would never do. Not that i regret it ;)

The sun was touching my skin, like I was his favorite person in this whole world. I could feel it so well. Eyes closed, feeling the summer wind, the only pressure I was feeling, were the sunglasses on my nose. Hearing the waves and the ice in my cocktail made me even more relaxed. I felt a hand on my arm, lightly shaking it. Turning my head slowly to the side,  I saw G Dragon shaking my arm with worried expression.

Why would he be worried on a such a nice day on the Hawaiian beach, I thought.

The shaking was getting harder and harder. I opened my eyes and saw Hyungwon’s face in front of mine.

,, Stop dreaming, the professor is looking at you’’ Hyungwon hissed. So much about Hawaii and G Dragon.

,, Gosh, you really need to find a boyfriend and stop the G Dragon obsession’’ he said quietly, only for me to hear.

,, Yeah, fuck you’’ I replied rolling my eyes at him. He always had to destroy my dreams, saying how I’m the one in a billion, in the sea of fans. Well, it’s all true, but let me dream.

,, Did you make me a sandwich ?’’ he asked me, since the break was getting closer. Just making sure because last day I forgot to do it. I simply nodded my head, not bothering to answer, too lazy to open my mouth and speak.

His excuse was that he read somewhere how the sandwich is around 80% more tasty when someone else makes it for you. But in fact, he was just lazy to make one. In the morning if the alarm wakes him up, he is just like a zombie. I think he would rather collapse then make one.

When the class was finally over, Hyungwon took his stuff and waited till I place my books in my bag, so he could take it. He always did that, since we were younger. He never let me take my own bag, I found it so adorable, how he would always be the one to take the heavy stuff.

I only took out food and made my way toward the cafeteria, while Hyungwon had to go to toilet first.

Just when I got in, I could head Minhyuk being loud as fuck and others laughing.

,, Ohhh there she comes, without her boyfriends’’ Minhyuk said with a huge grin on his face. I just ignored him and sat down. That topic will always be alive.

,, She lost him in the action’’ Changkyun said and Wonho added how Hyungwon is his boyfriend and gave me the ‘’I’m watching you’’ sign. Of course the would joke around only for a shor time, but it was still irritating hearing about the same shit every day. Sometimes if Hyungwon for example whispered something to me, in front of them, they simply go crazy and mock us for a whole year.

When Hyungwon arrived, he sat beside me and placed my bag under our legs, taking his sandwich and attacking it immediately. He was chewing it lazily and half asleep, trying to ignore others.

,, Are we going out on Saturday ?’’ Wonho asked, also with full mouth of his beloved ramen.

,, On Saturday, I’ll be in Aqua club’’ Hyungwon said. Every time we want to go out, we are orientating on Hyungwon’s work. Since he’s one of the most famous DJ’s in the city, he’s always working in different clubs, of course not only on weekends.

When the summer comes, you can only catch Hyungwon on a daylight, sometimes not even then. It was impressive how people were literally running to the clubs where he was. He could always make such a great atmosphere and such a great party vibe. Plus his music was great, even I had his remixes downloaded on my phone. Honestly, I loved being his best friend, I could hear his songs before everyone else.

,, Are you coming with us?’’ Kihyun asked me curiously. It was a long time since I went out. It was almost the end of the semester and the only thing I did was studying.

,, Yeah, I can come’’ I said. ,, But I’ll bring Lisa with me too’’ I added fast.

,, But don’t wear something too short, Changkyun might get a boner again’’ Jooheon said mocking him and bringing the silly memory back.

,, The only thing he’ll get is a blue eye, if it ever happens again’’ Hyungwon hissed fast giving them a dead glare.

,, THE MIGHTY HULKWON IS BACKKK’’ Minhyuk screamed making everyone mock Hyungwon. It was very rare for him to get mad, but he was actually very protective.

Since it was Friday, the classes were shorter then usually and were able to go home earlier. Others decided to use their free time and go to the Gym, while me and Hyungwon decided to go to his place and watch some movies.

Normally, we would go somewhere, drink coffee or something, but since it was kinda rainy, we didn’t. Others were always accusing me how I’m stealing Hyungwon every Friday from them, but he simply wasn’t interested in working out. He was always a skinny legend indeed.

When we arrived, Hyungwon decided to order some pizza before we started with the movie. He prepared his blankets and found the Incredibles 2 on the internet, while I was making a coffee for us in the Kitchen.

When the pizza arrived, I placed our coffee on the table and made myself comfortable on the armchair, hiding myself with the blanket and taking one piece of pizza. Meanwhile Hyungwon was on the couch, again lazily eating his food and trying to focus on the movie.

After eating his pizza, he immediately fall asleep. He was always like that, all hyped up for the movie and then falls asleep in the middle of it.

Looking at him sleeping so peacefully was literally warming my heart. He looked so beautiful and calm and everything. A person would think that he’s so sensitive and soft, but in reality not even a tank could wake him up.

When the movie ended, I couldn’t really control myself either, I just turned the TV off and curled myself in the armchair and fall asleep.

The week literally drained all the energy out of me. Studying till late at night and waking up early in the morning. I was lacking of sleep. Every morning, I thought I would end up having the Britney Spears phase.

I didn’t even realize how tired I was until I fall asleep, I was so fucking lost. Usually the coffee wakes me up a little bit, but this time, not even a second.

The last thing I remember was falling asleep on the armchair. But when I woke up, I  realized that I wasn’t in Hyungwon’s living room anymore. The room was dark and since I just woke up I couldn’t understand where I was or what’s up. When I saw Hyungwon sitting with his earphones on and working on his computer, I realized that I’m in his bedroom.

I immediately calmed down and cuddled myself in his bed. Since I could really feel the material of his covers, I realized that I wasn’t in my clothes anymore. I was in my panties only and his baggy shirt that was oversized for me. Usually I just go to toilet and change, it was the first time he actually took my clothes off.

After few seconds he turned the computer off and placed his earphones on the table. For a second he went out of the room, but immediately came back with two bottles of water.

He took his clothes off, leaving only his boxers on lay beside me. Not knowing that I’m a bit awake, he wrapped his long arms around my waist and kissed the beck of my neck before he just calmed down and fall asleep.

For a second I was a little bit confused because of the kiss. Cuddling and falling asleep like this was normal for us, even tho we were only best friends, but kissing my neck wasn’t something he usually did.

I just pushed my thoughts to the side and enjoyed the warm feeling of his body pressed against mine and his arms around me. Feeling safe, I fall asleep again.

I remember waking  up in the middle of the night, his arms still wrapped around me. I pushed myself up, supporting myself with my elbows and took my bra off, throwing it somewhere in the room.  The moment I had to get free of his arms, Hyungwon woke up, the whole time I was trying to make myself comfortable, he was just waiting for me to get back.

After I was done, he lay down again, placing his knee between my legs, making me place my leg over him. When I was getting lost again, I felt his arm over me once again, only this time his hand was on my ass.

In the morning when I woke up, his arm was still around me. I got out of the bed quietly, giving my best not to wake him up. But thanks God, he was sleeping like a bear on winter.

Not wanting to wake him up, I slowly found my bra and went out of the room. Firstly I went to toilet to brush my teeth. Usually when you fall asleep at your friends asleep without bringing your stuff, you are kindly fucked up in the morning. If it’s someone else, I would probably just lay down until he or she wakes up.

With Hyungwon it was different, we are at each other’s place so often that we literally are like a married couple, not best friends.  He has a toothbrush for me, few woman shower gels and shampoos, shaving razors, hair brush and even some period pads, tampons and painkillers for the bad days.

At my place there were some of his clothes, also items for shower, toothbrush, electric razor and so on. When we go in grocery shopping we always buy each other’s favorite food.

Placing the blanket over my shoulders, I went to the kitchen and prepared the water for coffee. It’s very unusual for us to sleep till late, but guess we got carried away.

When the water was done, I filled my cup with water and milk and let his one stay until he wakes up. I found the Modern Family on his Netflix, took my phone and enjoyed my morning coffee, If I could even call it a morning coffee.

Oh how much I missed it.

After around half hour, Hyungwon woke up, lazily switching his bed with his couch. He was so damn lost, just staring and trying to collect himself. I stood up and finished his coffee and gave it to him. He murmured a small thanks and continued to stare.

But of course, after 10-15 minutes he came to himself and started talking.

Since the weather was really nice, we took our coffees and went out to sit on his balcony. Of course not half naked. He wore his shirt and I was completely covered with his blanket anyway.

,, Are you going to drink tonight ?’’ He asked me, with his morning voice, which was more husky then usual.

,, Yeah, I’ll drink tonight’’ I said calmly, taking a sip of my coffee and enjoying the sun. I was really excited for tonight.

,, You didn’t drink for a long time, so be careful’’ he said worriedly. There was an incident where I literally killed myself with alcohol, I was throwing up all night and in the morning I even had to run out of the subway to throw up. After that Hyungwon is having a nightmares.

He wasn’t wrong tho, but two glasses of wine won’t kill me.

,, Anyway, why didn’t you wake me up last night?’’ I asked him.

,, You were so adorable, like a little puppy trying to fit in that armchair’’ he said with a huge smile formed on his face.

When we were done with coffee, we ate our breakfast and Hyungwon drove me home so I can get ready, because it was getting late.

It was around 5 PM when I arrived home. He told me to wear something normal and hugged me before I left the car.

Getting inside of my apartment I immediately called Lisa to see what’s the plan. Since she lives near the club she said that she’ll just get out before we arrive.

At the end, the plan was that Wonho will pick us all up and we’ll go all together, while Lisa will be waiting on the parking. Of course, Hyungwon will be earlier there, because yeah, work.

Time was literally flying, I just arrived home and I already had to start getting ready. Not knowing what to wear, I was more stressing out then doing something useful. Having something in my mind, but every time I find a shirt and skirt I end up looking like Ugly Step Sister from the movie.

At the end I decided to wear my black skinny dress, choker and instead of standard shoes, I decided to wear high heels.

First, I straightened my hair and then did my make up. Going simply with eyeliner and peachy blush. Of course and others stuff like powder and mascara and so.

I was about to change into my dress but I heard my doorbell ringing. Standing up I hurried to open the door and at my very surprise I found Wonho standing there. He was wearing a black button up shirt with black skinny jeans. His hair was pulled up, which made him even more handsome then usual, if that was even possible. Plus, the shirt was hugging his arms so tightly, making me drool.

This guy was definitely getting laid tonight.

He was talking with Minhyuk on his phone. I could definitely tell it was him. Minhyuk screaming on the phone always sounds like a football commentator.

Wonho hugged me and got in, waving his hands like ‘’ WHY ARENT YOU READY’’. I just rolled my eyes and went in my room to change. Boy, you got earlier and now you stress

I didn’t even took of my shirt and Wonho started knocking on my door.

,, I’m changing don’t get in’’ I screamed and he started yelling, totally pissed off.

,, Can you believe, Minhyuk is planning to bring his cousins with. What does he think that I have a mini bus or something ?’’ he yelled. Angry Wonho was always my favorite thing.

,, Bold of you to assume that Minhyuk thinks’’ I yelled, enough for him to hear me.

,, And why isn’t Shownu replying ? Purpose of a text is to get a reply within minutes . If I wanted to wait I would just write a letter’’ he hissed ,, Wow girl’’ Wonho cut his own words.

,, You look amazing, Hyungwon will kill you’’ he added. I just ignored him and started looking for my bag.

The drive with Wonho was always interesting, gossiping and going crazy at the same time. He would turn the volume up not giving a shit about people looking at us.

,, Oh my god, isn’t that the guy that was hitting you up when you were a kid ?’’ he asked me excitedly, laughing and hitting the steering wheel.

,, Even 7 years old me had standards’’ I said. No hate, but that guy seriously was too much, even now when he’s older.

In short time, everyone was in the car and we were on our way to the club. Of course Minhyuk was alone. I was kinda happy because of that, because he really had annoying cousins, no offense, of course.

When we arrived Lisa was already there, sitting on the bench.

,, This what you’ve been waiting for ?’’ Jooheon screamed when he got out, pointing on himself.

,, You don’t look like Shrek 5 to me ‘’ she simply said, joking around.

We didn’t waste any time, immediately going inside and founding our place. As usual, boys called earlier and made a reservation for the VIP part. They ordered two bottles of Vodka and red bulls.

Hyungwon noticed us and turned his mic before he started yelling ‘’ YOOO YO YO YO ‘’. The guys started fooling around and sending Hyungwon some moves, while Hyungwon was literally making a fool of himself, since most of the eyes were on him. Just as usual.

The music was amazing as always and the Vodka of course too. Kihyun was literally forcing me every five minutes to drink.

So much about two glasses of Wine.

After some time Hyungwon came to us. People throwing themselves on him all the way. Guys wanting to greet him and girls to fuck him.

He greeted everyone, with some people it took him longer since they wanted to talk. When he arrived to our part, he made a votka-bull for himself.  I expected him to hug me or something, but the first thing he told me was that we need to talk.

When his drink was ready to go, he grabbed my hand in his and gave me sign that we are leaving before he pulled me with him.  Guys started overacting as usual and others were watching. Like I said, all eyes on him.

I could seriously feel the hate and the jealousy. The girls were staring and burning me alive, if they could they would hang me like Jesus, for real.

,, What are you wearing ?’’ He asked me when we got out, his left arm around my waist and  his drink in his right one.

,, Why ? Does it look bad ?’’ I asked worriedly. People were still greeting him, but his attention was all mine.

,, You look stunning’’ he said with a small smile formed on his lips. ,,But I told you to wear something normal, didn’t I ?’’ he added, not giving me a chance to thank him.

,, But, this is normal’’ I protested, now being totally clingy.

,, I WANNA GET LAID TONIGHT’’ we herd familiar voice, interrupting Hyungwon who was about to say something to me. Turning around we saw Changkyun and Jooheon coming to us.

,, It’s been a long time since you had some’’ Jooheon said trying to irritate Changkyun and totally succeeding in it.

,, What about you, huh ? The last woman you slept with was made of plastic’’ Changkyun fired back, making us all laugh out loud.

Leaving them both behind, we made our way back. Others were jumping around, drinking,  dancing and simply having fun. When Lisa saw me, she stole me from Hyungwon and forced me to dance with her.

Well, not like she had to force me.

,, I would rip my shirt right now, but it’s one of my favorites’’ Wonho yelled, taking one sip of his soda. He was the only one in our squad that wasn’t drinking.

I always loved going on parties where Hyungwon is DJ-ing. You know  every fucking song and it simply hits you like a truck, forcing you to drink more.

When Drake’s song Fake Love started playing I almost threw my glass. Minhyuk was also getting into the song, placing his right arm around my shoulders and waving his left arm in the air. We were simply two drunk asses enjoying the song. Probably looking a bit weird, but yeah.

In a second, Minhyuk’s arms were replaced with another pair of arms, wrapped around my waist. I didn’t even have to turn around, I already knew that it was Hyungwon behind me. Only he does that.

We were dancing, following the melody. It was nice to finally lean on someone and rest. The alcohol was getting my ass so much. I wasn’t even dancing anymore, I was just resing in his arms, while he was holding me and moving me altogether with himself.

Not sure if I only imagined it, not sure if it was only alcohol, but I could bet on my life at that moment that I felt his lips on my neck few times. But after all, it was a big possibility that I just drank too much.

,, I gotta go, here is the key if you wanna come up’’ he said before he left. He always did that. When the computer and all what was needed for his work were in separated room, he always gave me a key so I can come up with him. Normally, he shouldn’t do that, but Hyungwon never really gave a fuck. He would always just take one of the copies and give it to me, so when it’s enough for me I would just go to him and rest or wait for him till he’s done, so we can go home together.

I didn’t even wait so much, after around 10-15 minutes, I followed Hyungwon. I wanted to stay a bit more, but Lisa was literally eating Jooheon’s face out and other’s were in their own worlds. Only Minhyuk was paying some attention to me, but I could never keep up with that party beast.

One time I did and I had to go to hospital because I drank too much.

Or maybe it was just an excuse right now, who knows.

Walking in the club was always a nightmare. People pushing you, wet bodies, just no. Talking about others pushing you around, some guys took the dancing too serious and pushed me somehow with his ass, making me almost fall down. On my luck there was some guy who grabbed my arm and helped me get my balance back.

,, Oh heyy sexy, may I get your number ?’’ he asked me, without giving me a second to come to myself. I just tried to push him away, and go to Hyungwon, but of course he didn’t want to give up

,, Hey, I helped you here’’ he said full of himself, before he grabbed my hand again.

,, Thanks for your help superman, now fly away’’ I said now more pissed off, pushing him aways for real, before making my way to Hyungwon.

,, Oh my GOD, I HATE CROWDED PLACES. ‘’ I yelled when I got inside his room, locking the door again and jumping on the couch to rest.

,,  I didn’t think that you’ll come here so soon’’ He said, while turning his head a little bit to me. He was in the middle of work, doing some shit with his music which I don’t understand.

,, Ohh yeah, it’s so boring without you there’’ I said as I placed my legs up.

,, You missed me ?’’ he asked me, a sly smile formed on his face.

,, You have no idea’’ I said and closed my eyes. Damn was I drunk. That superman was supposed to be thankful, drunk like this I could easily start a bitch fight. I mean, I wouldn’t regret slamming his face with my heel.

Drunk like that, I started thinking about how many people had sex on this couch. Did they wash it or at lead disinfected it? It’s been a long time since I had a nice sex, after I broke up with my ex, the only guys I had around Hyungwon and others.

I guess I got used to Hyungwon so much, I got used to his boyfriend behavior, to his over protecting side. I simply got used to it.

,, What are you thinking about ?’’ he asked me as he started to jump a bit, making the crowd go wild. He turned his mic and started to hype them all up.

Ehh if you only knew what I’m thinking about.

I don’t know what got into me.

Okay, alcohol for sure

But still

I quietly got on my knees and made my way toward Hyungwon. The place where he stood was visible to the crowd, but the turntable was big enough to hide his lower body.

When I got between his legs, I wished I had a camera, to take a picture of his shocked expression. He turned the mic off and tried too look cool like nothing is happening and not like I was pulling his pants down at the moment.

,, What are you doing ? Stop it!’’ he asked me shocked when I pulled his boxers down. At my very surprise, he was already hard.

,, Why are you already hard ?’’ I laughed a bit, he opened his mouth wanting to say something, to reply and protest but since he felt my mouth around his cock, his words were all lost. His simply closed his eyes and calmed down.

I didn’t want to start with some aggressive moves, I was simply licking his dick and putting only the head in my mouth, from time to time. Wile having his head in my mouth, I used my hands to stroke his cock.

I was sucking his dick up and down, tasting his precum, while Hyungwon was literally fighting with himself.

,, You want me to stop?’’ I asked innocently, looking him straight in the eyes.

,, Don’t stop, don’t stop’’ he said fast, adding a small please before taking his cock in his right hand and placing it in front of my mouth.

I parted my lips away, and he placed the tip of his cock inside my mouth, before his hand found it’s way on the back of my head.

Slowly, he started pushing  my head forward, making me choke on his cock. My gag reflex was really horrible, but I didn’t really mind.

I was making noisy, slurping sounds as my mouth was attacking his throbbing dick. He looked a me without any words as my head was going up and down.

,, Now be quiet for a second’’ he said, patting my head slowly. I just nodded my head somehow and Hyungwon turned the mic on, while turning the volume down a bit before he started hyping the crowd up again.

,, HANDS UP’’ he simply screamed and turned the mic off again. His right hand replaced the left one that was on my head and the left one was then up in the air, trying to make it not obvious that someone is between his legs, sucking him off.

He started moving his lips in the beat of the song, it really looked like he was simply dancing, but in reality he was just fucking my face.

I was choking on his dick, saliva coming out of my mouth, mixed with his precum. But Hyungwon enjoyed the deep throating so much, that he had to do it in front of everyone.

In few minutes, he closed his eyes and placed his cock deep inside my mouth, letting all his cum go.

If I wasn’t so drunk, maybe I would be ashamed of him. I mean, he was my best friend after all and we never did something like this. Something that’s more then cuddle. But at that moment, the only thing I wanted to do is swallow his cum.

When he pulled his dick out of my mouth, I started catching my breath and lick the cum that was around my mouth

,, Go to the table NOW’’ he commanded and I simply did as he told me. Without saying anything, Hyungwon just rolled the blinds down.

It took him just a second to jump on me and kiss me. His lips were like heaven, so soft. He kissed me slowly, sucking my lips deeply so I could hear the sound of his kiss he made, he gentle smooch sounds. I moaned as my eyes fell shut. Hyungwon kissed me deeper, twirling his tongue with mine, pressing my breast against his chest.

Hyungwon moved his hands on my ass and he slowly started pushing my dress up.

,, You are so hot, driving me crazy like that’’ he said, his lips on my neck bringing the memory of what happened just tonight.

,, Did you kiss my neck when we were downstairs?’’ I asked, trying to get some air, but instead just moaning.

,, Yes, I couldn’t control myself, I did it yesterday too’’ he said breathless, leaving wet love marks on my neck.

Hyungwon began kissing my lips and then he licked my jaw line, tracing my neck once again, biting on my skin slowly. He sucked my collarbone and then licked on my skin, like he couldn’t get enough.

He grabbed my panties with his right hand and ripped them fast, before he placed me on the table. Hyungwon bended down, letting me all sexually frustrated to wait for him to do something.  I could feel his breath down there. He kissed all around my pussy, with his soft beautiful lips.

I moaned with the sudden touch of his lips, he used his hand to open my labia and then he licked it slowly and lazily making my body shiver immediately.

,, Baby, you’re so wet’’ Hyungwon whispered, slowly nibbling on my pussy. I moaned while looking at him, his tongue was doing wonders to me. He began to suck on my clit and my body squirmed with his touch.

,, Hyungwon please’’  I begged him as he licked my pussy lightly.

Hyungwon simply smirked, piercing my vagina with his tongue, his fingers rubbed my clit rapidly, pressing his thumb on my clit. I felt so arousing, he fucked me with his tongue and sucked my pussy hardly, causing me to scream his name.

,, Hyungwon’’ I moaned, my hand grabbing on his head, wanting more.

,, Mhmm?’’ He hummed, still sucking on my clit.

,, I want more’’ I moaned again.

Without saying a word, he just stopped and attacked my lips again making me taste myself. He didn’t waste any time, pulling his pants and boxers down again without breaking the kiss. Hyungwon started rubbing his hard cock into my hole. I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

,, Do you want me to fuck you now ?’’ Hyungwon asked me, still rubbing his cock onto my clit.

,, Hyungwon, please’’ I moaned, feeling so damn horny.

Hyungwon smirked, his cock kept pressing my hole which was so damn wet. Without a word he placed the head of his cock into my wanting pussy, inhaling sharply. I felt his cock sank deeper and deeper into my pussy hole as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

We both moaned shamelessly, he grabbed the edges of the table and finally started moving in and out. I hugged him feeling his cock inside me. Hyungwons cock rubbed inside my hole and my pussy walls gripped his cock perfectly.

I moaned loudly while Hyungwon kept thrusting in and out deeper and deeper.

,, You are so hard’’ Hyungwon groaned as he thrusted in me hard, making me moan lodly when his cock hit me deeper.

He thrusted his cock harder and harder, searching for my G spot. From hard and fast his moves got slower, a little bit slower to feel my pussy walls.

He placed his lips on my neck and started moving on abnormal speed, making me close my eyes and throw my head back. He found my g spot and damn was that a great feeling.

Hyungwon was hitting the same spot inside me, making me scream with every move. His moves got slower but harder and I could feel his precum again in my hole.

My pussy walls tightened around his cock, which he probably felt because he started to fuck me faster again, helping me reach my limits.

I screamed out his name, reaching my climax with the powerful orgasm that hit me. My body was like flying in heaven, with pure ecstasy. Hyungwon’s moves good hard and deep, he didn’t move fast, but his moves were sharp.

,, I’m cumming inside you’’ He simply said and with few more moves I felt his cum inside my hole.  He collapsed over me on the table. His breathing was heavy and his forehead was sweaty, while the room smelled on sex.

,, I dreamt about this every fucking night’’ he said as he kissed me.

,, Why didn’t you tell me?’’ I asked, still being locked under his body.

,, Because I thought that you know. I mean I always cuddle you and we always act like a coupy’’ he said rubbing his nose with mine and placing a small kiss on it.

,, I didn’t know’’ I said. If I knew, things would be different, like he said we were already like a couple-

,, Now you do’’ he said as he smiled, connecting his lips with mine one more time.

Boys will go crazy when they find out.

My apologies if there are some errors, it’s too late for me to fix the mistakes.

hope you enjoyed it 

Drop some feedback in my ask box, or let’s just talk, I’m bored 24/7

much love

[djseaward]

my zero waste progress (& DIY oat milk recipe!)

you'd have to be living under a rock to not have heard the term "zero waste" thrown around. next to "adaptogen", i am predicting it's one of those buzzwords of the last year. and why not? even though it sounds like a phase and trendy, i am whole-heartedly on-board with zero waste becoming a thing that we just all do without thinking! zero waste doesn't have to mean that you absolutely create no waste at all, but an overall catchphrase for people trying to make steps to cut down on waste in order to live as zero waste as they possibly can in that time of their life.

making substitutes and compromises for the good of humanity and the planet. i'm all in for that. it also goes hand in hand with a thifty, frugal and minimalist lifestyle.

so i wanted to share some "zero waste" or more ecological changes i've made over the past year and some goals of mine for next year. maybe it’ll give you some ideas or hopefully inspire you a little to try something out! 

i feel proud that 2018 was the year that we've really hunkered down and got more serious about zero waste and the switch to a more ecological, sustainable household.

pre-2018 there have been some really ecological switches we've already made. we started composting within the first two years or so that we moved to budejovice, and lucky for us, our landlords have a compost heap that they kindly let us put our bio into, which in turn fuels our building's garden! pretty neat. since we started doing this, we only have to take out the (small sized bin) trash about once every three weeks! hooray! that may sound strange, but there’s nothing stinky in there since we have a separate compost container which is emptied once every couple of days (choose something with a lid that closes completely!).

of course we've been recycling (no brainer), always bring shopping bags with us when we go (always on foot) to the supermarket and throw almost no plastic away.

we also had been using old holey socks as a dusting rag and plastic produce bags as "saran wrap". we've never bought saran (plastic, cling) wrap here before.

since the beginning, we've bought compostable dog poo bags for ferdie. (tip: it's better to dispose of these in bio bins vs. trash bins where they'll decompose slower because the trash isn't allowed to aerate like the compost is)

i'm very passionate about purchasing only recycled toilet paper as entire areas are deforested just to make new, fluffy toilet paper. #knowbetterdobetter

we bring our own containers, cups and utensils when we travel or go on day trips. i’ve found that glass jars make excellent “tupperware” containers as well as impromptu wine glasses for a picnic. if i were in the market for a new travel tumbler, i’d definitely spring for a stojo collapsible tumbler! that’s always my problem that i bring my tumbler and then it takes up space for most of the trip, unused.

alex is very adamant about unplugging nearly every appliance when not in use. with how expensive electricity is in europe, it helps a lot not to having a computer sucking it up! it's also much better for your battery appliances to unplug from the wall as soon as they are finished charging, so you're also taking better care of your things.

here are some recent changes we've made just over the past year.

-- eliminating use of aerosols. i personally decided i wouldn't buy any more, but the problem for a long time had been: where the heck can you find non-aerosol shaving cream? i found my answer in d'fluff shaving cream in a tub from LUSH. it smells like their rockstar soap and although it doesn't foam, i'm down with this change!

-- we switched to bamboo toothbrushes, which i had to order by mail because previously, there were no local shops that sold them! i have since found a couple so i think we're good to go now. before, i ordered from the bam and boo, which sent them so quickly even with a special, personalized note in czech which i thought was so sweet as they came from portugal.

-- choosing bar soap vs. liquid soap which has to be sold in packaging.

-- eliminating purchasing anything with palm oil or high fructose corn syrup (or glucose-fructose syrup, as it's known here). for years i believed in the myth that HFCS was banned in europe, but you can still find it in everything!

-- the switch from typical supermarket laundry soap and dishwasher tabs to an eco-label laundry soap (made from soap nuts) which is highly concentrated and therefore more ecological and more earth-friendly dishwasher tabs. both of these switches are more expensive than what we used to buy, so i totally understand going more eco-friendly isn't for everyone and all budgets. however, if you wouldn't notice an extra few dollars here and there, why not make this simple switch? i like the czech brand of laundry soap tierra verde out of brno. (why is everything cool is out of brno these days?)

-- switching from disposable feminine products to a medical-grade silicone menstrual cup has been a complete.game.changer. it's one of those things you kick yourself for not getting much much earlier. did you know a tampon applicator takes 500 years to break down? i went with first greener and am really pleased  that i did. as a menstruating human, this seems like one of the single biggest improvements you can make to take steps towards zero waste. cost was an barrier for me with this and not being able to shell out for one for awhile, but the company i purchased from often runs deals for only $10 (that includes international shipping). i’m pleased some companies are making menstrual products more accessible to women of all income levels.

-- right at the end of the year, i finally found reusable produce bags that were a reasonable price. hoorah!

-- we have nearly stopped buying paper towels, using regular old towels or other cloths instead.

-- purchasing our vegetables in the warmer months from a local CSA (community supported agriculture) vegetable box program cuts down both on plastic wrapping, supports local south bohemian farms and is just a fun, healthy way to make sure we eat loads of season veggies. it also challenges me to stop being lazy and cook or make something with them before anything goes bad. (for my local budejovice friends: you can order a vegetable box starting usually around june from u dobraka)

-- alex says he's most proud of our household's switch to alternative milks vs. dairy milk. this helps loads with water consumption, is far more ecological, and much more animal-friendly.  (alternative milk recipe at the end of this post - woo!)

changes i would like to make in 2019

-- one of my challenges is zero waste hair products. most drugstore products are aerosol or just the typical tube. i think i will end up purchasing from LUSH's hair line as not only have i already raved about their products but i so appreciate their commitment to reusable packaging, as well as their vocal stance against animal cruelty.

-- do better with food waste. i have already eliminated a lot of issues i’ve had with food waste over the past year and meal planning helps SO MUCH with not only reducing waste, but also saving some crowns. i’ve made some great strides in the past year, i’d like to do even better in 2019 getting my food waste down to 0%. laziness can be a big (bigbig) factor here, and that’s a tough one to overcome! i will also try making or buying less products that i don’t finish.

-- i'd like to remember to start taking what few glass empties i have back to a supermarket to get a refund. this is extremely common practice in germany, but not quite as common here, and we normally just go to the normal glass recycle bin. it would be nice to start getting a few crowns back here and there vs. nothing!

-- i'd love to invest in a set of cloth linen napkins i'm actually proud to use! will look to a thrift shop or bazaar before checking a store.

-- collectively, one of our main focuses as a household is a reduction in goods which use plastic, single-use, throw-away packaging, such as musli, for example. buying musli or any cereal here in the czech republic is such a headache -- it is either expensive or contains palm oil, for the most part. there is one brand i like, but i find i am eating it over and over and get so tired of it. any of you out there DIY your musli or cereal? please share your wisdom!

easy DIY recipe: oat milk

one of my big goals is to DIY even more. i already do quite a fair bit of DIY in terms of household products and foods, sauces that i can't buy in the czech republic, but i'd like to DIY more with products i already buy to avoid excess packaging and saving money. in the first few days of the year, i've already decided i will no longer buy oat milk at the store (40kc or $1.70 per liter) and instead, make it. it is startlingly easy to do, takes only 10 minutes of active time and can be a huge money saver! this recipe also happens to be zero waste as you can use the remnants.

you'll need...

-- a blender -- cheesecloth (or similar) -- large pitcher -- 1 cup of oats (your choice) -- 1 liter (approx. 4 cups) of water -- 1-2 TB honey or maple syrup -- 1 liter glass bottle

1) soak your oats in plenty of water for at least an hour.

2) rinse your oats and plop them in the blender with the 4 cups of water and your optional tablespoon of honey or maple syrup*.

3) blend blend blend!

4) place the cheesecloth securely over the pitcher (a rubber band helps). pour the oat milk mixture from the blender onto the cheesecloth so it strains, with the milk passing into the pitcher. wring out the cheesecloth to make sure you've got all excess liquid.

5) pour the strained oat milk from the pitcher into a 1+ liter glass bottle which will be your "milk bottle" and pop in the fridge.

6) shake vigorously before each use. consume within 2-3 days.

7) scrape off the oat bits from inside the cheesecloth and store in the fridge - you can easily tuck them into your morning oats when you make your next pot of oatmeal or porridge!

use this oat milk anywhere you would typically use milk: in your cereal, coffee, oatmeal (double down!), wherever.

* 1 TB of sweetness is just enough to give it a similar sweetness as dairy milk has, 2 TB if you like it a teensy bit sweeter - even this does not taste “sweet”, so to speak. experiment.

finally, i feel like i need to give a biiiiig shout out to polly - former expat/travel blogger turned absolute zero waste maven at green indy blog and inspires me every day with thought-provoking topics i hadn’t even realized or considered she has loads of information on her blog, instagram and even runs e-courses helping people cut back on waste and save money.

i do want to state here that i am simply learning and am a student at this whole zero waste thing. i’m not an expert by any means and am not perfect. zero waste isn’t zero. this post is simply keeping track of my progress and hopefully a way to hold myself accountable for my goals. although i don’t think we all should be one of those people who can fit their trash in a jar or anything, there is a lot of work we can do. you don’t have to have a lot of money to “join the movement”. it’s not about going out and purchasing fancy bamboo utensils or whatever. it’s just about using what you already have, being creative and resourceful, and when something you have stops working or breaks, upgrade it (funding allowing) to a more ecological version.

how do you feel about the zero waste movement? i'd love if you shared a big win from the past year and maybe also something you want to improve upon as well! here's to a greener new year. 

ps, you might like how i travel on a teacher’s budget or thoughts on living without stuff.