#also I should probably clarify that you need to do the forgotten memories quests before you can get Jack

[chaotic-enby-selfships]

HUGE TIP FOR DREAMLIGHT VALLEY PLAYERS (oh also spoilers bc this relates to Fairy Godmother kinda)

I know many people on tumblr who play ddlv have already gotten the main story complete or whatever, BUT for people who just got to the forgotten lands but didnt get a cutscene showing the pumpkin house, it might be because you need to unlokc Minnie first. Also if you wanna unlock Jack Skellington this is important as well.

This was the case for me. I had already known that you were supposed to meet FG at some point in the game, and since I had unlocked all other story locations, I assumed she would be in the Forgotten Lands, however when I unlocked said lands and went to her house, she was of course, nowhere to be seen.

At the time I didnt really think anything of it and just figured I needed to do mor story quests and whatnot, but nothing worked. I was also trying to figure out how to get Jack to come to the valley for very normal reasons but that was going nowhere no matter how many friendship quests I did with Scrooge (bc I thought I had to get the “rebuild the valley” quest done in order to unlock him), so I was getting frustrated until I saw something about unlocking minnie to get FG, and I figured “well its worth a shot, right?” Sure enough, I unlocked minnie, got the fairy godmother cutscene, and even got Jack in the valley :o>

Anyways, point is, if you’re confused about the fact that you havent seen Fairy Godmother yet, check if you have Minnie, if you dont and she’s still wandering around in that weird ghost form, then that might be why.

[wickednerdery]

Title: Hoarfrost Hel: Channeled Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Marvel Pairing/character: Thor & Professor X (& Mutant!OCs) Rating: Teen Summary: “That is extraordinary.” Notes: This is the second part of what’s shaping up to be a legit trilogy (the first is FrostBitten) - the master list is here. The story on whole is gonna be very dark, this piece itself - which picks up after the last - is actually tame aside from Thor angst moments and a bit of cursing. Still, for consistency and length, it gets a “Read More”.

“This Professor Xavier is a sorcerer?” Thor bellows from the back of the motorcycle.

Lynk’s chuckle echoes in his helmet. “Mutant telepath, among other things. And you don’t have to yell, there’re microphones in the helmets.”

“That is extraordin-!” Thor stops as they roll through a large gate. “Forgive me. That is extraordinary.” He looks to a placard - Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters - and then reasserts grip around Lynk’s waist as she speeds past blurs of young people, fresh lawns, and on up to a large building Thor could only quantify as a castle. “This is where you live?”

“I have my own place, but a few hundred other mutants do.” Lynk pulls helmet off, gaze dropping to Thor’s hands, then up and back to his face. “You can get off the bike now.”

Thor hops off, removing helmet to reveal grin. “Sorry, fair Lynk.”

Mouth opens to correct him, but Lynk decides it’s the nicest way she’s been addressed so lets it go. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the professor.”

The god follows closely, but keeps eyes moving through halls and open rooms from sheer curiosity. There were many who looked as the typical Midgardian did, but others had skin like that of a Jotun or wings similar to the horses of the Valkyrie. He couldn’t help but pause a few times, requiring Lynk to go back and grab him.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Thor,” Charles smiles as the god looks from his explorations of the study to him. “I understand you’re having some troubles with your memory.”

“I am on a quest to find...something...something of great importance...but I...forget what.”

Lynk frowns slightly, they’d only just discussed the topic before entering. “Tony and I think it’s Loki. You know, his brother?”

“Yes, I’m aware.” He’d placed the whole team on standby in case things went sideways for The Avengers; thankfully they were not needed. “Thor, would you mind coming over, taking a seat, so we can better get acquainted.” So that he might have the god’s focus enough to determine what’s going on in his mind.

Thor plops into a high-backed chair as Charles maneuvers to set himself face-to-face with the other man, creating a sense of intimacy as a therapist might.

“Now I’d like you to relax and try to think of the last things you remember before you came to see Mr Stark.”

“Very well.” Thor isn’t quite ready to close his eyes to anything, but lounges back and lets his thoughts go to the start of the day...

The scenes come in fractals, with pieces missing: ...Thor hovering over smashed rock, bowl in hand...him running into the palace, calling for his mother...his equally frantic return to the rubble.... In each scene parts blur or blacken and, only too soon after, Thor’s memory moves onto something else. Too often Thor’s mind wants to change the topic and, when Professor X goes farther back, he witnesses the same thing happening...even memories of Thor’s childhood are changing, fracturing. No doubt the specific targets are those memories involving Loki...

“Thor?” Professor X fades the connection to prevent jarring the god and damaging his fragile recall any more. “I’d like to invite a colleague of mine to assist, would that be all right?”

“You found nothing?” Concern paints Thor’s face.

“On the contrary, I found quite a lot...” he smiles encouragingly. “I can tell you it’s a targeted form of magic that’s effecting your memory, which is why Mr Stark and Lynk found nothing physically wrong with you. I can also tell you that it���s quite powerful, a near living thing.”

Thor’s face falls completely...there are only two people he can recall who are capable of such a thing and his mother would never.

“However, I believe we can find ways around and through it long enough to discover what your task is and how best to begin it.”

“You do?” The god is not terribly hopeful; the urge in him to find the thing, to...protect it?...is ever growing just as his memory of what it might be ever-fading.

Professor X smiles more. “Yes, I merely need a new lens through which to better focus my findings.”

As if on cue a man steps into the room; friendly smile, dark curly hair, and remarkably kind eyes. “You called for me Professor?” His smile greets everyone, is returned by everyone, then widens at the god before him. “Thor Odinson, what an honor.”

Thor gives a cursory smile, his heart not in it. They’re wasting time and the more that passes the more he forgets. No, that’s not quite right. He’d not forgetting more things, he’s forgetting something very specific all the more...and it’s something he doesn’t wish to forget. It’s something he wants desperately to remember.

Ash closes the door behind him, heads over through a dreary fog of stress and sadness from their guest. “Please don’t be discouraged, Mr Odinson, just keep that spark of hope alive and we’ll do everything we can to help you.”

Professor X smiles at Thor’s surprise. “Some of Ash’s abilities are somewhat related to my own, only his focus is on emotions.”

A string of Thor’s own electrical energy comes from Ash’s hand as he extends it to Thor; it connects the mutant and the god briefly before and after they shake hands. “How did you do that?” Thor’s so fascinated he’s now forgotten why he’s come at all. “Do you seize my powers from me?”

“Just replicating,” Ash clarifies as he sits in the last high-back chair available.

Lynk speaks up from the couch, head buried in work on her helmet. “Ash can use anyone’s natural born powers. He doesn’t even try, just links into your emotions and, poof, he’s using your powers.”

“But I am not a mutant, I am a god.” Surely that must make a difference. “My powers come from my hammer.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Lynk notes.

“Can you also lift my hammer...Ash?” It was the only name the man had been given.

Ash smiles. “No, probably not. As I understand it your hammer is imbued with magical powers...I’m not a magician and highly doubt I’d be considered worthy to lift it.”

“This is great and all,” Lynk cuts in once more, “But we need to help your brother, Loki, remember?”

“Yes, forgive me,” Thor smiles. “What is needed now, Professor?”

“Same as before, Thor, only this time concentrate on your feelings. About the day, about what you’ve forgotten.”

This time Thor does close his eyes. This time he lets his heart guide him through his memories...and Ash piggybacks on the resulting emotions while using Professor X’s telepathy to try and make sense of it all. It is still jumbled, still missing hunks, but with the knowledge those sections relate to Loki he can find a thread to follow: deep love and concern. Chasing the emotions he scrambles to put Thor’s mind together, slip around and through the magic trying to erase the man’s brother.

While Thor remains seemingly blissful, Ash begins to strain. Clouds roll in, thunder rumbles its threat. He closes eyes and clenches teeth in effort to handle surges of fear and rage...memories that can only be qualified as traumatic. Cracks of lightning ride along skin as a sudden, caustic, burn hits the back of his neck. He hisses, the electricity jumps from him to Thor, making a circuit between them.

“Fuck...” Lynk jumps up, back. She knows both Thor and Ash are fine, but if a stray bolt’s let out she doesn’t want to be anywhere near it.

Charles rolls back as a precaution; slips into Ash’s mind in attempts to stabilize and better direct him. He manages to get Ash to focus in on a recent argument between Thor and his father, the desperation and anguish that comes from it. Together they pick up on the name Loptr, which their own minds are able to understand as a reference to Loki.

The electricity seems to fade in time with the thunder and clouds, settles back into both Thor and Ash with no affect to either.

Ash’s eyes tear in mirror to Thor’s, hands fist as the god’s do. “...Your father sold your brother into slavery?” Their faces share the horror.

And now we’ve all met Ash, yay! Kinda dig that Odin’s own words are what trip his spell up; Thor can remember “Loptr” so, if nothing else, he knows that’s who he’s supposed to find..sorta anyway, lol! Also, low-blow using Frigga to lure Thor from Loki...you’re the worst, Odin. (Didn’t really expect Lynk and Ash to reveal to Thor his power comes from within and not, you know, from his hammer, but oh well.) ...Next piece I should be back to Loki!

(Gifs found on Google, then combined by me)

Tagged: @chibiyanai @wadeyouwitch @creedslove @lady-crowned-with-stars @moonfaery @annievvv7  @ladyfluff @holykryptonitekitten @lokilvrr @janebrownnie @lokis-little-kitten @alexakeyloveloki @theangelsfightwithdevils @the-blue-tiefling @lokis-lady-death @dangertoozmanykids101 @prometheasmother @vethrvolnir @wintertink @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes  @drakonwild @starscreamloki @judas-nipples @hiddles-rose  @the-lady-witchitery @galaxies-inside-my-head @jackheart180 @lukeevansandjdmobession @endlessstairway @lanabanana-86 @tom-fucking-hiddleston-1981 @lovekrystina @madoka73 @lokikingofasgardslover713 @partiallyinthecloset @ultrarebelheart  @gravitational-anomaly @manip-loki @my-world-of-imagines @lowcarbgem …Think that’s everyone from FrostBitten, if you want on or off, just lemme know! (Strike-throughs are those Tumblr refuses to tag properly)

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Liveblog, Part One. Chapters 15-19

I think one reason these cover so few chapters is that I’m desperate to catch any detail that might possibly be relevant, but I don’t know what might be, so I’m scouring everything. 

Adolin has a (not so) bright idea, Dalinar spars and discusses religion, We learn a name we haven’t heard so far, Kaladin makes some friends (ish), Shallan explores, and we get a flashback to Dalinar flipping off a cryptid while on a knife quest. 

Shallan and Adolin are discussing the murders, and also Shallan’s drawings of Urithiru remain terrifying. Shallan brings up the possibility that they are opportunity killings, and unknowingly is right on the money. We know that with Adolin, it basically was an opportunity killing, with the opportunity being Sadeas saying “What are you going to do, stab me?” 

Shallan thinks Adolin is fixating on the “two murderers” theory just because he likes it. No, it’s because he knows there were two murderers. 

Anyway, Adolin says he has to talk about something serious with Shallan, and her thoughts--of course--go to I killed my parents I stabbed my mother and strangled my father--

And Adolin wants to teach her how to use her Shardblade. Oh, Adolin. Even seeing that thing is a massive traumatic trigger for her. And Shallan gets upset that Adolin compares her to Kaladin, “ranking women as equal to peasants”--Shallan, I like you, but please get over your classism. 

And Adolin doesn’t notice how close she is to a breakdown, and so she draws herself another persona to survive. Pattern is concerned. She calls this persona Brightness Radiant--bringing her up to three fake identities--Shallan, Veil, and Brightness Radiant. I’m counting her normal identity because that’s a persona too. 

Anyway, Adolin is a fucking sword nerd. Also Radiant isn’t the best at picking up interesting hints--she’s not curious like Shallan is. Adolin says that he always felt like his blade was alive, but she dismisses it. 

This is not a healthy coping mechanism, but at least becoming Radiant means she can use her sword. But some day this web of personas is just going to crash down around her. She needs to talk about her trauma and actually work through it, not bury it, and if it sounds like I’m a therapist it’s because I’m imitating mine because hoo boy do I know some things about compartmentalizing your life away. 

Anyway, back to Dalinar. He does, in fact, have Szeth’s Honorblade. Thanks to Stormfather, we get that Honorblades are forged directly from Honor’s soul, and aren’t autonomous enough to scream. Stormfather can’t break Oaths, but neither can Odium; he’s a force that, like any other force, cannot break its own rules. Also, we get that Dalinar winning--even in a contest against Odium’s champion--will only buy them time. Until the next Desolation, perhaps. 

Stormfather compares himself to Honor’s shadow--which both makes me think of the Shadow of Preservation, the Mist Spirit, and of the nine shadows of Odium. So Stormfather is to Honor as each of those Unmade are to Odium? That’s plausible. There’s also the implication that there are more like the Stormfather--because how else would there have been three Bondsmiths at one time? There have to be other godspren. Has anyone bound the Nightwatcher? That might be interesting, as Cultivation (who we assume she’s connected to) is still alive. 

Anyway. 

Dalinar is getting backtalk from Rial, another of the Bridgemen (from Bridge 13). It’s hilarious. He’s pointing out that if Dalinar wants to know the time, Navani did give him a clock... 

Dalinar’s looking for a spar, and Zahel’s there! And his habit of trying to make a metaphor and ending up with a Nalthian shitpost is...still there. 

“Every moment in our lives seems trivial,” Zahel said. “Most are forgotten while some, equally humble, become the points on which history pivots. Like white on black.”  “White...on black?” Dalinar asked.  “Figure of speech.” 

He’s just given up explaining. Anyway, Dalinar does get a spar in (a wrestling match) and Dalinar was losing, but Navani shows up, irritated. Yet again Dalinar misses a meeting doing something stupid. At least he’s not digging a latrine trench in Shardplate. Navani is just like you fucking lost Dal. 

Also, “gemheart” is a term of endearment. And Dalinar admits he was planning to fight the man with nine shadows himself, although he realizes that was a stupid idea. Dalinar is feeling stubborn and decides to just have the meeting in the fighting arena. Because sometimes he’s just extra. And he uses his position over Kadash to make the other man fight with him, which is...Dalinar, fighting is not a substitute for having actual conversations with each other. He’s just like yeah i’ll take messages while I’m sparring. 

Kadash points out that Dalinar was always better than other people at killing things. He’s right. Navani is thoroughly Done with Dalinar but is humoring him anyway. Dalinar is somehow having an argument with Kadash and a conversation with Navani simultaneously. And fighting. Why is he like this. 

The Iriali are considering siding with the Voidbringers instead of the Alethi. That’s...not unexpected, honestly. It’s a much more clever way of dealing with people than just conquering all of them. Still, I don’t like it. Dalinar, you have to sell your case. This isn’t the Silver Age and everyone isn’t going to rally behind Alethela the Defender Nation again. 

Also, Iri is bitter that Adolin has his shardplate--it names Dalinar a thief. Also, in case I’m seeming calm and collected about Dalinar’s plan getting cut to shit while Kadash points out that he’s basically a heretic, my nails are bitten down to the quick right now. And Dalinar makes a good point about tradition--it’s only useful when it’s actually useful. You can’t assume something is right just because it’s old. 

Kadash says that Dalinar sounds like his niece. Dalinar takes that as a compliment, as being compared to Jasnah should always be. And he uses stormlight to stick Kadash to the ground. 

And Navani said Dalinar’s wife’s name--Evi--and he actually heard it. Evi. Evi of Rira; Evi Kholin. And memories--some memories--come back. He can remember her name, and he can remember her face. 

Holy shit, y’all. 

Although, a brief concern: in Edgedancer, Lift’s no-aging ability was going away; now Dalinar’s memory is coming back. Is something wrong with the Old Magic? 

And we cut to Kaladin “Get Captured On Purpose” Stormblessed, of course. He’s tied to a tree, as he has been for about a day, and the Parshmen are arguing about what to do with him. They don’t have a leader, and it’s confirmed that they don’t want to go back into slavery. He hasn’t seen the yellow-white spren from before again, but it’s been mentioned twice so it’s probably significant. 

PARSHENDI KIDS!! I LOVE THEM!! Also Kaladin is starting to check how he think about Parshmen, thinking about what Rlain would say if he heard Kaladin talk like that. As they’re moving, Kaladin feels a distinct familiarity to it--but he can’t place from where, or why. 

Well, he just remembered. It reminded him of when he was escaping slavery. Kaladin makes the mistake of assuming that he understands what the Parshmen were going through, though--

“I have spent my entire life living in a fog,” the parshman yelled at him. “Every day knowing I should say something, do something to stop this! Every night clutching my daughter, wondering why the world seems to move around us in the light--while we are trapped in the shadows. They sold her mother. Sold her. Because she had birthed a healthy child, which made her good breeding stock. Do you understand that, human? Do you understand watching your family be torn apart, and knowing you should object--knowing deep in your soul that something is profoundly wrong? Can you know that feeling of being unable to say a single storming word to stop it?”  The parshman pulled him even closer. “They may have taken your freedom, but they took our minds.” 

Hey, that’s fucked up, humanity. Hey, hey, humanity? Maybe you fucking deserve to be wiped out in a desolation, thought about that? Maybe you shouldn’t fucking sell people. 

Syl is acting like a windspren, which gets Kaladin terrified for a moment, but she clarifies that it’s not because Kaladin’s fucked with his oaths--it’s because she thinks that the parshmen can see her. She also mentions that the spren from earlier is hanging around and is a higher spren like Syl, and is invisible to Kaladin. 

Now there’s a thought. We know this group of parshmen is strange--they’re the only ones who stole things, to eat--and now they have a higher spren around them. Perhaps they’re sort of...bonded with that spren, and that stopped Odium’s influence? Perhaps one of those Parshmen is a budding Radiant? Hard to say. 

Well, Syl thinks that other spren might be a Voidspren, and that it’s how the Parshmen know where they’re going. But it isn’t red, it’s yellow-white. Also, we get that the Everstorm literally put back a part of the Parshmen’s souls--that humanity somehow ripped out a part of their souls and locked it away. That must have been what Gavilar was talking about, with the darklit spheres. 

So Kal decides to for some reason start giving them advice about how to hide better. Of course,  they don’t trust him, but the next stop the daughter gives him a waterskin and asks why the humans won’t just let them go. Kal has decided to help out the Parshmen, because...well, because he’s Kal. 

Anyway, Shallan is being Veil. Pattern notes that she’s better at being Veil than at being Radiant. Also, we get more of Urithiru being Weird and Unexplored. 

PATTERN REFERS TO ADOLIN AS “THE SWORDSMAN YOU CAN’T MATE WITH YET” IM GONNA SHIT

Also, Pattern has come to the “exciting” revelation that humans don’t care about dead things, so of course they use Blades. Also Shallan tells Pattern to marry Adolin if he likes him so much and Pattern literally asks if that’s an option. Shallan tells him no. Anyway, Pattern says that Shallan will hate him, but Shallan replies that she doesn’t want him to die and leave her too. 

And so Shallan, as Veil, is going to a bar, trying to investigate the murders some. Time for “is Shallan going to fuck this up or no.” She tries leaning suavely against a corner and nearly knocks a bunch of boxes over, so we’re off to a great start. She’s pretty quickly outed herself as a total rookie, though--she doesn’t know there are differences between darkeyed and lighteyed wine, among other things. I’ll admit I’m skimming this because wow, secondhand embarrassment hits hard. 

Anyway, a dude is now flirting with Veil. And she’s getting very drunk. Veil no. Fortunately, a little stormlight just wipes away all of her drunkenness, and she gets the information she wanted--there have been weird killings among the darkeyes, too. 

Shallan also just has a moment of panic when she realizes she doesn’t know if she killed her brothers or not, because she could have lightwoven them into existance if she did. Pattern is starting to get worried about the depths of the lies Shallan puts on herself. That’s fair--it’s not healthy. 

Aaand Shallan has ordered Horneater white wine,  which. Uh. Shallan be careful that stuff is probably literally lethal. Also, she has a disturbing thought while trying not to puke--it doesn’t hurt worse than “the pains already inside.” Shallan, drinking to cope with your issues is a very bad plan. 

She literally ends up with the alcohol getting taken away from her because if she continues like that she will end up dead. She’s healing herself, but they don’t know that. Also, maybe people from Jah Keved are better with Horneater liquor, given that they have horneater blood? Hard to say. 

Anyway, Shallan makes a story about how Veil is hunting the person who killed her little sister. She asks for details about the death, about how it was unusual. The woman killed was a grown woman. And she gets a little more Horneater wine out of the deal. 

She does make the mistake of taking a Horneater’s seat while asking for information, though. She stabs directly through her safehand into another guy’s hand and then scratches the symbol for the ghostbloods onto the table, which is one hell of a power move. 

Anyway, the murderer wasn’t the same murderer as the one who killed Sadeas (obviously) or the other lighteyes. Also, everyone’s scared of the ghostbloods. But there’s an interesting note about this murder--there was a second, right after the first, a person like the first one, killed in the same way--and the murderer insisted he hadn’t done it. 

Another double murder. Another one where the murderer of the first didn’t do it the second time, but the second time was literally identical down to the smallest detail. Something in Urithiru is replicating murders. 

Back to Dalinar, 31 years ago. He’s lighting his napkin on fire in a decorative candle while wondering what the purpose of decorative candles are. They’re at a feast, and Gavilar gets Dalinar to stop burning shit. 

Anyway, Gavilar is speaking with Brightlord Toh of Iri/Rira about battle tactics, Dalinar is bored, and I think this was one of the chapters Brandon did a reading of, in which case this is about to be a wild fucking ride. 

[Gavilar] wore a uniform of the newer style. Formal, rigid. Dalinar instead wore his skirtlike takama and an open overshirt that went down to midthigh, his chest bare.

Gavilar’s sitting there in a uniform and Dalinar is setting shit on fire, lounging around titties out. Why is he like this. 

We also get the main conflict of this chapter, which is that Dalinar can’t find a good knife to eat his food with. And so he just takes his wine and casually, casually walks outside into the highstorm. Titties still out. And he breaks into the servants’ quarters to try to get his knife. Why is he like this. 

Dalinar glanced and saw something luminous in the distance: a gargantuan figure that moved on spindly glowing legs.  Dalinar stepped back into the feast hall, gave the whatever-it-was a rude gesture, then pushed open the door--throwing aside two servants who had been holding it closed--and strode back in. 

Dalinar literally sees a cryptid and just flips it off and keeps going with his life. THIS MAN NOW CONTROLS URITHIRU. Anyway, Gavilar is gleeful because Dalinar just proved a very important point: they’re strong enough to protect the people they’re treating with. Because if one of your princes just casually strolls out in a highstorm, clearly they know no fear. 

Anyway, Navani shows up, and Dalinar angsts because she’s married to his brother. Dalinar immediately orders more wine; Ialai shows up as well. Navani is very amused that Dalinar scared off the guy they were treating with. They report on Toh’s sister, as being a touch vapid but honest--I’m sort of assuming that she’s Evi. Given that Toh has Shardplate--plate that will probably become Adolin’s, the plate that Iri accuses Dalinar of stealing--it seems a fair bet. And they’re planning to marry her to Dalinar. Meanwhile, the Knife Problem continues: 

“How am I supposed to eat a pork steak with this?”  “Attack it,” Ialai said, making a stabbing motion. “Pretend it’s some thick-necked man who has been insulting your biceps.”  “If someone insulted my biceps, I wouldn’t attack him,” Dalinar said. “I’d refer him to a physician, because obviously something is wrong with his eyes.”  Navani laughed, a musical sound. “Oh, Dalinar,” Sadeas said. “I don’t think there’s another person on Roshar who could have said that with a straight face.” 

Gavilar is pontificating about the nature of humanity and meanwhile Dalinar has somehow bent his steak knife. Sadeas calls Dalinar a gem, and I’m reminded of this wonderful piece of art: 

http://dalinarkholin.tumblr.com/post/138508422546/was-the-oathbringer-dalinar-chapter-even-real‘

which is a big mood honestly, like, is this really real. 

Anyway, we get our first glimpse of Evi. She’s from Rira, so she’s less used to having a safehand be a thing; she’s tall, but seems flimsy, but her hair is gold. Ialai starts theorizing about what she’s like in bed, as one does, but Dalinar gets distracted because he saw an assassin going for Gavilar. (Well, specifically he saw a knife. He’s got a one-track mind). He kicks Gavilar’s chair over, stopping the man from killing him, grabs the dude’s knife, and stabs him. Entire thing takes maybe three seconds. 

He nodded to himself, righted his chair, sat down, then leaned over and yanked the man’s knife from his chest. A fine blade.  He washed it off in his wine, then cut off a piece of his steak and shoved it into his mouth. Finally.  “Good pork,” Dalinar noted around the bite. 

WHY IS HE LIKE THIS

Reminder: he did all of that with his titties out. Young Dalinar is on levels of ridiculous usually only found in D&D campaigns.