#also I need 2-3 days to process my grief over [REDACTED]
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Agatha All Along (1.05) Reactions:
THESE CREEPY ASS ANIMAL WITCHES
â⌠because her own mother tried to have her executed.â Defending her ex-wife <3333
âAre you really defending a noted serial killer, you creepy lurker?â KQKSKJDWIJEJS, never change, Jen
âWhen Agatha murdered her sister witches, she spared their young children.â Agatha has a noted/known soft spot for children.
LMAO, AGATHA RUNNING IN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. âWhoooooa, the moral of the story, kids, is always finish what you started. Also, mercy is overrated.â
I fucking love her so much
âAll right, everybody. Pack up your shit. Letâs go!â
Rio being the only one who agrees with Teen suggesting the broom thing.
There being no question that Agatha and Rio are going to exchange brooms. They just DO it. love that Agatha makes rioâs pretty as well
Lilia, criticizing Jenâs broom: âYou could have done better.â KQOWOFSJS. All these catty ass witches.
love Teen and Aliceâs friendship.đ
The witches flying during a Blood Moon, and theyâre all so happy omfggggg. Thatâs my coven of mothers (and one teenage boy).
AGATHA LOOKING BACK AT RIOOOOOO AUGHSHSHHSHS
SLUMBER PARTY FITS OMGGGGGGG. 80s???? 90s???
I LOVE LILIAâS HAIR
AGATHAâS TRIAL ALREADY??? HELLO??? I thought theyâd keep that in their pocket until later in the season.
âAnd who better than to commune with the dead than someone whoâs put so many in the grave?â Rio says with a smirk. Work and play.
âDo not speak over each other.â / [All the witches start speaking over each other.] lmfao
Jen @ Mrs. Hart: âHey, girl. Feeling better?â AKqoqodjwiowkwjs I would die for her actually
Alice holding Jen by the shoulders đĽš
KATHRYNâS MRS. HART IMPRESSION.
âBAKING CASSEROLES, LINKING IN TO CONSPIRACY THEORIES ON FACEBOOK, DRINKING BEFORE NOONâ
AGATHA BEING AN ASSHOLE AOQOWKDJDJSJ. goddamn I love her
âSheâs just scared.â Rio clocking Agathaâs shit so easily. When Agathaâs scared, she absolutely puts on a repulsive performance to hide that very fact.
The reluctance in Agathaâs voice when she has to do it for real this time. Hhhghhhhh
âD-E-A-T-H.â Cue Rio laughing.
Agatha being the first to let go out of fear aufhshhshhhhhhhhh
âI hated this the first time!â Liliaâs already seen this particular trial in her premonitions.
HHHHHHHGH, the coven immediately turning on Agatha
âI mean, or we could just slit her throat.â she really loves threatening her wife with knives. <3
âWhen people ask me why I donât have female friends.â Lmao, itâs because youâre always in psychosexual homoerotic rivalries with them. Hope that helps, Agatha. <3
FUCKING AGATHA JUMPSCARE GODDAMN
Sweetheart, you okay?â LAOQOWKWJDJEIWIEE
AGATHAS FUCKING MOTHER
âHey, Mom. It was nice having you in my body for a second there. Iâve never felt so close to you before.â Agatha sounds so young and childish here, and I think thatâs exactly the point, both of Kathrynâs acting choices here and the setting of the trial. Agatha is being taken back to her teenage years in a sense where so much of trauma began
Rio, more angry than weâve ever heard her before: âNo, no way!â
âA minute ago, you were ready to slit her throat.â Bc itâs foreplay for Agathario, Jen. Keep up!!
âYeah, well, her mother canât have her.â FUCK YES
goddamn, this really is Regina and Cora mills all over again, down to the ghost possession story
âMom?â The fragile way that Agatha says it.
âWhy do you hate me still?â
âYou were born evil. I ought to have killed you the moment you left my bodyâ FUCK OFF. NO ONE IS BORN EVIL
Agatha reflexively starts to tear up and Rio looks down. And the rest of the coven sees what clearly made Agatha Harkness too
Agatha fucking BEGGING them not to leave her
âI can be good.â DIDNâT SHE SAY THIS WHEN THEY TRIED TO EXECUTE HER SHUT UP
SOBBING ALICE TRYING TO PROTECT HER. AGATHA DRAINING ALICE. I CANâT NO NO NO WHAT
AGATHAâS FUCKING SON, CONFIRMING HEâS DEAD
MAMA! STOP!
SOBBING???????
ALICE FUCKING DEAD.
I CANâT DO THIS
NO
AGATHA GOING TO ALICE IN SHOCK UUGGGHHGFFFFFGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGG AND TEEN REJECTING HER ANDâ
FUCK I CANâT BELIEVE ALICE IS GONE GODDAMMIT. SHE JUST BROKE HER FAMILY CURSE FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Agatha alone, and sheâs got a bit of Aliceâs powers.
âI couldnât⌠I couldnât control it.â And Agatha swears sheâs not lying to him. I think I believe herâthat she currently canât control her own ability kicking in when sheâs blasted with powers and that what happened to Alice was an accident, but I equally think that she instinctively and automatically ENJOYS the sensation of the absorption/draining. Very much like a vampire or a succubusâwhen the power starts flowing, animal instinct takes over.
AGATHA SNICKERING. OH, SHEâS ABOUT TO READ HIM
IS KATHRYN HAHN THAT MUCH SHORTER THAN JOE LOCKE LMAO
âYOUâRE SO MUCH LIKE YOUR MOTHERâ YES OMGGGGGG
ITâS BILLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY
AND SHE WALKS OFF CUNTILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Okay, but serious side note here. I think this particular confrontation is in conversation w/ Agatha pretending to be possessed by Mrs. Hart earlier in the episode. When sheâs scared/vulnerable, she puts on a show. And the moment when Teen indexes that he doesnât believe sheâs telling the truth about her powers, she LEANS into the villainy. She digs her heels in. Itâs protection. Itâs control. Itâs facade.
JEN AND LILIA THROWING HER INTO THE QUICKSAND. BILLY BLASTING THEM
HOLY FUCK
NOT THE BILLIE EILISH NEEDLE DROP OHBMY GOD?
WHY IS THE EPISODE OVER WHAT
AND WHERE DID RIO GO OOIUFHHSHSHS!!!!!!!!
#agatha all along#s: Agatha all along#Maggie blogs#this episode needed to be longer OMG#I needed moreeeeeeee#also I need 2-3 days to process my grief over [REDACTED]
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fortune favours the brave
pairing: emma swan/killian jones rated: m (for language & depiction of injury & just to be safe) wc: 5189 pacific rim!au
She passes the pseudo-drift but Killian canât quite meet her eyes afterwards and Emma catches herself wondering, with clenched fists, if itâs all worth it.
just a warning, this is an open-ended work, meaning the ending is up to your own interpretation and i most likely will not be writing anything else to clarify... unless i decide to have another crack at this au down the line and completely rewrite the whole thing but i am a lazy bitch above all else with too many things to do so please don't get your hopes up!
my initial tag for this was "dealing with the weight of a neurological bond that reveals a lot more about yourself than youâd like." but ao3 said it was too long
this was intended as a birthday present to myself but it's 12 days late and i won't apologise.
also available on ao3 â
@artistic-writer is my saviour and i love her.
As soon as the pincer hits her spine, the simulation is over. Quicker than death could ever have captured her, quicker than the pain she was expecting in her lower back, quicker than blinking past a fallen beast and thinking it long past dead. If it were real, she wouldnât have to deal with the disappointment of her superiors as they marked another tally in the opposite column of their tablets.
Kaiju: 3, Swan: 0.
Pixels dissipate into the air, audios and visuals power down as the relay gel leaks from her display, Killian sighs over the comms and the four walls of the training centre scream failure. Unclasping the plug at her neck, she collapses to the floor. Defeated.
âIf your intention was to get paralysed, love, congratulations.â Heâs exasperated, words clipped, and she knows heâs probably running his hand through his hair in that way he does or rolling his eyes or praying for this to be over. She can picture it so well because sheâs been there, supervising rangers through the same process. That had been her job, her safe space. Then Marshal Mills had coerced her into a compatibility trial with the promise of a bigger bunk and a night off with the last bottle of bourbon on deck. Suddenly, nowhere was safe anymore. âItâs just a simple test,â sheâd said, rolling her eyes at Emmaâs reluctance to even try. âWhat harm can it do?â
If he catches the curses under her breath as she stands, he doesnât let on.
Killian had managed to pass her simulated drift space on the second attemptâeviscerating a CAT 3 with ease and ignoring the distractions along the way. He didnât talk about what stopped him the first time. Neither did she.
She was not so lucky, struggling not to forget herself in the memories of his past. Each step deeper into the consciousness heâd moulded dragged her further away from the task at hand. Each step closer to finding out what keeps Killian Jones awake at night is a step away from truly knowing him. She felt it all. His pain, grief and loss coming in overwhelming waves, only serving to intensify her own. Each time she failed, she understood him a little bit better and lost herself a little bit more.
Robin said itâs the trauma that helps their compatibility and the resilience in light of such pain. Will said itâs because theyâre both insufferable cunts.
You canât choose your drift partner.
âAgain.â Adjusting the helmet slightly, she pulls up her vitals on the inner screen. BP a little high, heart rate too, brainwaves stable. Good enough. If she could just get past the random-access brain impulse triggers, the lure of Killianâs fabricated conflicts, sheâd be showering the fabricated city in fabricated Kaiju Blue.
(Of course, sheâd never really do that. Regina doesnât need a reason to resent her.)
âSwan, take five.â The comm in her inner ear buzzes. Killian, again. Thereâs a tension to his tone, as if he could snap at a moment's notice. Itâs not easy, having someone else inside your headâeven when itâs not real. Itâs worse when every inch of it is projected in agonisingly high definition to your commanding officers. Emmaâs been living through his trauma while heâs been forced to watch it back, time and time again. Sheâll get it next time.
Next time.
Always next time.
âNo, count me down.â
âSwanââ
âMy vitals are fine! No bleeds, no dizziness, motor function all good.â The CNS link connects to the back of her neck with a twist of her wrist and a dull click. Power vibrates through the plug suit, humming like the anticipation Emma can feel beneath her own skin. âOne more try, Iâm almost there.â
Thereâs no response from Killian. No quip or complaint. Heâs silent as Emma closes her eyes and opens them to the darkness of the drift. The next voice she hears is Robinâs.
âFive.â
Her world is blue. Warped. Memories zipping past her that she does and doesnât remember. Emma recognises one womanâs face from her previous pseudo-drifts. She has a name somewhere.
âFour.â
The woman walks off to some kind of middle distance, between nothing and nowhere. She indicates for Emma to follow with the crook of her finger and a smile.
âThree.â
Itâs not Emma sheâs seeing.
âStop chasing it, Emma. Two.â
Taking a breath, Emma wills away the apparition, tuning in to the pounding of her own heartbeat and that of someone elseâs â Killianâs, strong and steady. It grounds her.
âPrepare for Neural Handshake.â
When the Kaiju pincer swings for her, she slices it clean off.
She passes the pseudo-drift but Killian canât quite meet her eyes afterwards and Emma catches herself wondering, with clenched fists, if itâs all worth it.
//
A CAT 3 and two CAT 2âs attack whatâs left of San Francisco a week later in the largest triple event in recorded history and yes, itâs definitely worth it.
Ruby and Graham are deployed in Lone Wolf, along with two Jaegers from Alaska. The fight, like all fights, is raw and too close. Always too close. They return half a day later, lucky to have made it out with their lives. The bags under Jeffersonâs eyes carry the weight of the world as he reports back to the bridge with the news.
Theyâll never pilot again.
Killian finds her later, sat atop Frozen Serenity with a half-empty hip flask and a cigarette. He doesnât question her or the tears she wears. He holds her, one arm wrapping around Emmaâs shoulders, pulling her into his chest. Itâs too close, too much but not enough. Itâs times like thisâtimes of wordless understandingâthat sheâs glad of the bond they supposedly have.
Thankfully, he doesnât waste his words with reassurance. Regina had spent the last thirty minutes on the comms for everyone to hear. The threat was eliminated; victory, but at what cost? Ruby and Graham had been wheeled in on gurneys, surrounded by medics and techs and escorted directly to isolation. Their Jaeger followed shortly after, complete with thick gashes to its middle and a viciously pierced conn-pod leaking rivulets of coolant and Kaiju blood. It didnât take Emma long to see why theyâd ushered the pilots away.
Sneaking off had been a non-issue.
âNext time,â The warmth of his body offers only slight comfort from the chill of the hangar but sheâs grateful for it. âItâll be us.â
âWe might not even drift yet. The simulation is nothing like the real thing.â The lump in her throat has her choking around the words. The fragility of it all should frighten her, but it doesnât. Sheâs not scared. Thereâs no time for fear.
âWe will.â
âHow do you know?â
âItâs called trust.â When he smiles, sad but hopeful, the tears come again.
Itâs all worth it, even if she loses herself in the process.
//
Jolly Roger, a Mark 3 with a history of fallen pilots, had been in pretty bad shape when Emma had seen it come through the east coast bunker a year ago. With a compromised pod and basically no left side, it was a mess.
Will had already sized the wreck up for parts before itâd even docked in the hangar.
âThereâs no way itâll run again. Core to Wolf, pod fixed up for Snowâs Mark 4, shocks to whoever needs them most and the rest for scraps and refurbs.â Heâd said, around a mouthful of instant mac and cheese. Emma rolled her eyes, grabbing a bite of her own meagre rations. âBet as much as you want, you know Iâm right.â
After six months, when Marshal Mills announced they needed a co-pilot for Jolly, Emma collected her prize with a smile and a disgruntled âFuck off.â from the mechanic.
Seeing it now, all shiny and new, with a fresh core, updated weapon systems and a slick paint job was like looking at a different machine entirely. Killian has the same awestruck glaze to his expression that she has.
He says something under his breath that sounds like âI missed you.â
//
Three days later, atop the bunker looking out at the wasteland the eastern seaboard has become, Killian finds her again. The horizon is permanently tinged green these days, thick with smog rising from the polluted city that used to be Boston. Itâs something else now, something new entirely. New York had really done a number on the east coast.
âSo,â he starts, a six pack in his good hand and a thick fileâher fileâin his mechanical one. âIt seems that the fate of the earth relies on us getting intimate, love.â
Emma shrugs his comment off with an eye roll. âIn your dreams.â
âIn my dreams, we wouldnât be drinking this backwash,â she catches the bundle of cans as it falls to her lap and pulls two free of the casing. Killian slumps down beside her, a welcome warmth against her side. Heâs always warm. âAnd youâd be wearing a lot less.â
âPervert.â Her cheeks flush from the windchill and not because of the wink he sends her way as he takes a can from her lap.
He shrugs, gulping back his beer. âIâve been called a lot worse.â
âWhy does that not surprise me?â
âI doubt anything could, lass.â
He reads in relative silence, which Emma appreciates, only pausing to ask questions at the redacted statements in her story. Thereâs no point in hiding anything from him nowâsoon, heâll see it all. Thereâs something about Killian Jones that she trusts and sheâs not exactly sure why.
âYou were there? In New York?â He thumbs the report sheet, filled with more censoring than words. She doesnât remember much of it; being eighteen, the toils of pregnancy, wrongful imprisonment, the first Kaiju attack on the east coast, holding her child to her chest as the walls crumbled. The memories are all so distant, it almost feels like someone else lived them.
Emma nods. âUnfortunately.â
Killian doesnât push for the details; all the relevant ones are written on the sheet heâs holding. How theyâd found her bleeding beneath rubble and dust, clutching the bundle of blankets and the body within. There hadnât been time for a funeral.
Sheâs shaking when he takes her hand.
âIt was my first deployment. On a CAT 4, no less.â He traces circles around her knuckles as if theyâre anything but strangers. She doesnât have it in her heart to stop him. âCataclysm, they called it. The ugliest bloody thing Iâd ever seen. Liam, the comedian he isâwas, spent the whole fight calling it all kinds of names as we tore it to pieces bit by bit.â He takes another sip of his can, eyes locked on the horizon. âI felt him die that day.â
His thumb doesn't stop tracing its pattern, but she grips his hand tighterâpart shock, part understanding.
âJewel never stood a chance. The emp left us wide open and the blasted thing used its last breath to launch at the conn-pod andââ
âYou donât have to, Killian.â She whispers, beer forgotten at their feet. âYou donât have to relive it.â
âBut I do. Every time I step foot in the hangar, I relive it. Every time I drift, or spar or train. Every time I look in the mirror I see his face staring back at me.â He sighs, letting his posture slip further. Heâs no longer a Ranger. Heâs a lost boy. The grief he carries, the guilt, is something she recognises. âI miss him, Emma, and thereâs nothing I can do about that.â
Wind blows, alarms ring, sun filters through the murky atmosphere and casts them both in its golden glow and Emma Swan pulls him in for a hug.
He stiffens in her embrace before leaning into it, letting the tension dissipate beneath her touch. Itâs intimate in a way that doesnât need words and her breath catches at the sight of a teardrop on his cheek.
Putting space between them again is hard, but necessary.
âI know youâve probably heard this a thousand times, but you better be prepared to hear it a thousand more. Itâs not your fault. It was never your fault. It will never be your fault. Weâre Rangers. Weâre disposable. The world is ending and weâre the first line of defence. If we fallââ Heâs watching her so intently, hanging on her every word.
Thereâs no way to soften the blow of a death sentence.
âWeâre going to die in a Jaeger, Killian, that much is inevitable. We wonât grow old. We wonât pass in our sleep. Weâll go screaming at the hands of a Kaiju and, I donât know about you, but I plan on taking a fair share of those fuckers with me in the process.â
A nod.
A squeeze.
A gulp.
Heâs still holding her hand when they return to the artificial warmth of the hangar.
//
He used to drink black coffee, dark and bitter. She hates it, preferring sweetness over caffeination in her warm beverages but getting her own would require a trip to the cafeteria earlier than sheâd like to be awake. A few seconds of grimacing over the taste is worth it for the extra half hour of sleep. Killianâs an early riserâof course, he is. Itâs a wonder theyâre compatible at all.
Killian initially tried to put up a fight over it, hold it out of her reach like kids on the playground or finish it off before Emma could even think of crawling out of her quarters, but she wore him down, little by little.
Theyâre working on Jolly with Will when she takes a sip, stealing the travel mug from his hand and already half wincing for the unsweetened assault. When surprisingly palatable coffee hits her tongue, she almost chokes. Itâs not half bad; no acrid punch of burnt grounds, no grainy aftertaste. Instead, itâs sweet. Creamy. Not what she was expecting at all.
âWhatâs this?â She takes a sniff at the lid incredulously. Is that⌠syrup?
âAccording to Ms Lucas, this is what poses as a caramel latte these days. Filled to the brim with sugar, spice and all things nice, just how you like it.â Will hands him a tablet, outlining the Jaegerâs current specifications. Emma understands enough of it to get byâsheâs more attuned to reading neural charts, not the gibberish the engineers put outâbut Killian revels in the details. He doesnât even look her way as he speaks, fully engrossed in the graphs, comparisons and visuals. It also means he doesnât notice Emma eyeing up how good he looks with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a grease stain on his left cheek. Just the right amount of dishevelled. âIs there any way we can drop a few tonnes to help increase speed and manoeuvrability?â
Will peers at the tablet, overseeing the stats with a critical eye. âNo, mate. Not without losing vital armouring.â
âWhat about swapping out the nuclear core?â Killian hums, swiping to the next screen.
âDonât be daft, Killian. Itâs brand new.â
âThe arc-whip?â
âIâm gonna cut in and say no on that one.â Emma interjects, surprised that she even managed to drag her attention away from the warm, sweet beverage in her hands or the enigma of a man that let her take it. The arc-whip is her preferred weaponâcombining both distance and close combat, great for the CAT 2âs and smaller CAT 3âs that like to stay just out of reach or dragging back the larger beasts from getting further inland. Sheâs the one that suggested it be added to Jollyâs arsenal in the first place.
âCome on, love.â Handing her the tablet and tapping a few menus, Killian points out Jollyâs stats without it. Their speed would be improved and their power longevity, but theyâd be sacrificing their range completely. âHaving an arc-whip and a plasma cannon is overkill.â
The mechanic chuckles, coming to her other side and throwing an arm around their shoulders. âTechnically, the plasma cannon is overkill anyway. Massive power drain.â
âDonât you start.â Killian bats his arm away and Will cocks an eyebrow in challenge.
âJust because Iâm right.â
Before either of them can respond, the hangar shudders as alarms blare. The alarm they all dread.
The Breach.
//
The CAT 2âAxefuryâwith armour piercing spines and nasty blade-like mandibles, emerges just off the coast of Florida, stalking towards the shore.
Frozen Serenity is deployed, piloted by sisters Anna and Elsa.
The fight takes an hour.
Killian brings her another coffee as they watch the battle from the command centre. He doesnât say a word, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she tenses against the cold realisation.
It couldâve been them.
Next time, it will be.
//
When he knocks her on her ass, straddling her waist with his sparring staff pressed to her throat, Killianâs eyes are the bluest sheâs ever seen, and it takes her a second to remember where they are. He smirks, allowing her space to breathe while keeping her thoroughly pinned down.
âNormally, Iâd prefer to do other more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back.â With a voice like that, velvet and grit, Emmaâs not sure if she wants to push him away or pull him closer. The watchful eye of Marshal Mills keeps her straight. The last thing anyone needs is a show. She struggles just enough to make him cocky before retaliating, using his own weight against him.
In a heartbeat, heâs the one on his back, head caught in a lock between Emmaâs thighs. In the time it takes for him to realise whatâs going on, eyes widening as he realises where he is, itâs too late. His weapon clatters to the edge of the crash mat, useless.
âFor future reference,â She pants, squeezing her legs tighter until Killian taps out against the floor. âI prefer to be on top.â
He laughs and, despite the patrol alarm blaring down the hall and Reginaâs eye roll, the world feels a little lighter.
//
When they drift in Jolly for the first time, the phantom woman from the pseudo-drift is nowhere to be seen. Thereâs a blip where Killian gets caught up in visions of destruction and earthquakes and rivers of blue eroding the streets of New York, but just as Emma feels the echoes of her memories in his mind, theyâre gone. Heâs in her head. An uncomfortable yet reassuring presence that she never thought sheâd be able to endure again.
âNeural bridge initiated and holding strong. Well done, guys.â Robin chirps over the speakers, dragging them out of the initial drift space and back to their shared reality. She lifts her left arm as Killian lifts his right and they join the jaegerâs metallic palms in a salute that rumbles through the bowels of the hangar.
Cheers erupt from the comm lines as scientists and pilots and soldiers line the walkways and balconies to celebrate their achievement.
She can feel the haze of his irritation through the link.
âWeâre another shot at hope for them.â Her uncalibrated right-hand takes his uncalibrated left wrist just above the brace of his prosthetic. He doesnât flinch but his thoughts stutter, interlaced with images of her soft smile and memories of each time theyâd sparred, each stolen hour on the rooftops, each close encounter, each moment that couldâve been an almost, or a maybe. Emma pauses just long enough to imagine What if?
She shakes them away. They owe each other that much.
âWeâre a suicide mission.â Heâs right and his voice buzzes in the back of her skull. If the comm deck picked up on his words, they donât respond.
âYeah,â she lets his arm fall back to his side, making sure her left sideâthe one thatâs wired into the eight thousand tonne government-approved death machineâstays relatively still. âBut itâs worth it.â
âIs it?â
She canât tell the difference between his words and his thoughts right now.
Static crackles in the conn-pod before Robinâs voice calls out again. âReady to take her for a spin?â
//
She kisses him, with trembling palms pressed to his chest. Because she wants to. Because she can. Because, more than anything else, she isnât ready to die. Not now. He is slow to respond, one hand on her shoulder ready to put distance between them at a moment's notice, the other at her waist, pulling her closer. The corridor leading to their quarters is empty and, beneath the harsh light, he tastes like the coffee theyâd shared for breakfast.
He doesnât push her away. Sheâs grateful for that.
The absence of Killian in her head should be a relief but it isnât. It feels⌠empty. The absence of a presence that had made itself at home. Sheâd worked with rangers for years, ever since the hangar took her in, learning the inâs and outâs of the neural bridge and working to better align pilots with an initial pseudo-drift before putting them through the real thing.
Sheâd never expected to like it.
Itâs exhilarating.
The expiry date they have hanging over their heads is unavoidable now. Theyâre compatible, truly compatible, doubting that is no use to anyone and despite whatever lead them both to the corps, whatever it is she catches glimpses of when they drift, she trusts him.
Fingers still trembling and head thick with fog, Emma trusts him.
âThat wasââ
A mistake.
Long overdue.
A one-time thing.
Just the beginning.
âWorth it.â
//
âEmmaââ
âBe quiet.â
She snakes a hand around his waist, using his surprise to yank him closer into the alcove, away from prying eyes. Their dark uniforms blend in the shadows. Chest to chest like this, Emma can barely catch her breath. The cold steel pipe against her back does nothing to dissuade the heat heâs putting outâseriously, how is he always warm? Itâs impossible to avoid his gaze either, the intensity of it only magnified with their proximity.
Thereâs questions thereâso many questionsâbut he doesnât have to ask them. She knows.
Killianâs tongue darts out to wet his lips.
She knows.
David and Snow walk past none the wiser, caught up in a discussion about something or other. Emma canât focus enough to listen in, too distracted by everything in her body that screams for her to pull Killian closer and slam their mouths together until they forget about the rest. She holds her breath until the other rangers round the corner at the end of the hall.
âMills hasnât cleared Humbert or Lucas for visitation. Weâll be turned away.â Killian whispers, mouth so close to her ear that she can feel his words better than hearing them. His cheek catches hers as he pulls back but he doesnât get far, her hand still pressed to his side, holding him in place. His brows raise in surprise.
Her palm tingles against the empty air when she lets go.
âLet me do the talking.â
He nods, following as she exits into the corridor, only a half-step behind.
//
They donât have clearance. The med bay doors beep dejectedly as Emmaâs ID card fails to pass the security check. Will had promised it would work, heâd sworn. Either he lied, already ratted them out to the Marshal orâ
Victor Whale.
âMills already has her reports delivered to her directly every hour,â he sighs, tugging off his gloves, surgical mask and running a free hand through his hair. Emma can see the dark roots coming through. Thereâs no market for salon-quality peroxide at the end of the world, apparently. âWith the intention of alleviating the need for rangers like yourselves to check in. Canât you go be annoying somewhere else? I donât have time to file insubordination paperwork, Iâm already understaffed.â
Killian reaches out, pleading, his eyes wide and blue and honest. He grabs the doctorâs forearm with his mechanical hand.
âPlease, mate. Just five minutes.â
Whaleâs brow furrows focused on the prosthetic gripping his arm. The fear of disciplinary action outweighs a lot of things in the hangar.
//
Sheâs pale, too pale, and riddled with tubes and drips and monitors that beep along with the pace of her heart. The burns, blistered and seeping, are tinged blue with the toxic sludge that courses through Kaiju veins. Blue burns, as theyâre colloquially referred, arenât uncommon. There are ointments and salves to calm the low-level contact burns and sprays to neutralise the toxins in the acid. Whatâs left of the governments have put extensive measures in place to ensure that stuff like this doesnât happen to the general public.
They donât seem to care for rangers.
As Rubyâs skin sloughs from the slightest friction of the sterile sheets, Emma can feel the first clutches of fear curl around her throat.
Corpselike. Thatâs the only word that comes to mind. Ruby, once so full of life, has never looked so⌠not, and Emma canât help but fall into step with the ventilator thatâs currently breathing for her as if somehow it makes a difference. The steady whirr of the machine only working to wind up the anxieties simmering beneath the surface of her skin.
Next time, itâll be them.
Next time, itâll be her.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
âWeâre having to keep her under.â Someone âVictor? â hums, ignoring them both to look over the digitised chart at the foot of her bed. âThereâs a lot of irrevocable damage that weâre still looking into while repairing what we can externally.â
Inhale.
âWhat about Graâ Ranger Humbert?â Killian's hand hasnât left hers since they entered and, for what itâs worth, sheâs thankful for the anchor and the ever-present warmth he offers. His presence is grounding and his words reflect her thoughts when she canât quite reach her own.
Exhale.
Itâs too much.
Inhale.
âMore of the sameâ
Exhale.
They never shouldâve come
//
His lips taste of salt.
The inevitability of death.
It burns.
âI donât want to lose this.â she pants, soft against Killianâs lips as he smiles and steals it away. Like the future they donât have. That she so painfully wished they could have. âIââ
His kisses trail to her ear, each one as gentle as the last. Too soft, too delicate. It terrifies and excites her how something as small as a kiss can melt her resolve to nothing. Any shadow of doubt disappearing with each step they take closer to the inevitable. After everything that had happened, from sneaking into the med bay, drowning the images with the last of that damn bottle of bourbon that started all this and sparring until they were both bruised and beaten and breathless, sex had been the last thing on her mind. It had crept up on her, crept up on them both, and it was impossible to deny.
That first rooftop rendezvous, first spar, first kiss, all those weeks ago, had cemented this. She can see that now.
Closing what little distance there is left between them, Killian walks her backwards until her thighs bump against the solid table behind them. âYou wonât, love. Iâve got you.â
Each touch, each glance, each gasp is another goodbye.
His prosthetic rests on her waist as his other makes light work of the fastenings of her uniform, and she urges him on with a moan. She���s thankful they made it back to his quarters. They wonât make it to the bed.
Emma searches for answers as he pulls off his shirt, praying something in his eyes will reassure her that thisâwhatever this isâis okay, that theyâre not terrible people for finding something worth fighting for at the end of the earth, anything to provide even a modicum of hope that maybe, just maybe, theyâll survive just long enough to have a chance at finding out if it is. She clutches at his shoulders, with nails biting into his skin, and breathes.
She doesnât find the answers. Instead, she finds herself.
Scared and afraid, clinging to the last comfort she has left.
Three words bloom, fade and crumble in her mind, as fragile as a leaf on the wind and, before she can even speak them, Killian nods.
âI know.â
Somewhere deep inside her chest, behind broken walls and the rubble of a past life, something long since broken, beats.
//
Emma wakes up to warmth. An all encompassing warmth surrounding her so completely, an aura of heat welding together the cracks that had once debilitated her heart. So familiar, and pure and yet so foreign at the same time.
Each beat of her heart echoed by a shadow.
Each exhale mirrored by that of another, a soft caress against her nape.
The solid and comforting press of a bodyâhis bodyâagainst her back, bringing forth memories of the night previous so slowly, like a crack in a dam; first a drip and then a flood. The synchronicity. The passion. The mutual need to just Be.
The absence of all thought except one.
Life is just too fucking short.
As if summoned by her mental recollection, Killianâs arm wraps around her waist. His lips ghost against the skin of her shoulder blade and the kiss he presses to her neck brings a smile to her face.
âGood morning, Swan.â He purrs, voice gravelly and wrapped in sleep. Damn, if Emma had only known he sounded like that first thing soonerâ
The thought catches her off guard.
Itâs so⌠normal. Domestic.
She could get used to it. She wants to get used to it.
âMorââ
The spell shatters. The facade peels away to reveal the truth and the bliss that had wrapped her up in its glow is gone. Reality hits.
The blood-curdling scream of the one alarm they pray will never ring.
The Breach.
Robinâs voice screeches out over the comms in a panicked shout, followed by the calm and commanding call of Marshal Mills. Her own name and rank is called, along with Killianâs. Emmaâs blood runs cold when the realisation hits.
A CAT 5.
All units to report.
Approaching New York.
Killian doesnât move for what seems like an eternity, lips still pressed to her skin in an everlasting kiss, as if time has somehow warped around this very moment, stretching seconds into minutes, hours. Allowing them a chance to come to terms with what must happen next.
Their fates were sealed the second they stepped foot in the hangar.
Emma wrapped in a hospital gown. Killian in a battered, blood-stained plug suit.
âItâs okay.â He whispers, already drowned out by the blaring siren that fills every corner of the room. Emma canât tell if heâs saying it for her sake or his own.
When she turns to him, pulling herself upright in the process and letting the cold of his quarters seep into her bare chest, heâs smiling. Itâs by no means her favourite smileâwide and full of laughterâbut itâs something and, for some crazy reason, she believes in it.
She believes in them.
âFortune favours the brave.â
  ////
tagging a few of yâall! @thisonesatelliteâ @teamhookâ @kmomof4â @superchocovianâ @itsfabianadocarmoâ @thisonesatellite @darkcolinodonorgasm @carpedzem @hollyethecuriousÂ
#cs fic#captain swan fic#ouat fic#ficminds#i'm sorry to anyone that likes once upon a time and pacific rim#this is a mess#but it's my mess
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