#also I like haven't touched the app for weeks and honestly I don't miss it

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Hey do you guys want your second horrible news for this month? because I think I'm done with Obey Me...

considering I'm not a big fan of the events most of the time and think Nightbringer has more downsides then ups, I doubt anything can get me re-interested again so there is a good chance I'll drop it for good, but don't worry I'm still invested enough in the characters to keep writing for some time ^-^ and the only time you know I'll stop if I release a really big story I have been planning for a really long while now

[queerdesire]

September 30, 2022

It's been a minute since my last update.

What have I accomplished this week? Well I drove for the first time in the dark last night and honestly I think I smiled all the way home. I'm getting so much more comfortable driving and it's starting to feel so fucking good. I'm hoping to have my license by the end of the year. Driving is not as scary and anxious as I always imagined. I'm proud of myself for this.

Let's see what else am I proud of? Oh! I have paid all my bills but two, both are due on the 6th so not late but I'll probably do it right now as all the other payments should of went through. I'ma be a broke ass bitch but it feels so fucking good to be able to pay everyone time.

I also deleted some girls number! She's been semi dicking me around for a month, and I let her >.< She was the one who hit me up and was interested and wanted to go on a date. I was going with the flow of it. Started out texting strong and things like that but then it became 8 separate times of excuses. Like we were not anything where a conversation of her no longer interested would of been perfectly okay. I even said as much during excuse number 6 lmao. But deleting her phone number and not replying back to her bs felt good. And then my toxic side may have left her on Snapchat 🙈🤡, I don't look at her snaps but she has replied to three of my hot story ones since I've deleted her number and ignore last excuse text and it feels kinda good to be like yeah I'm hot and you missed out. Even if it's in my head and even if that may be a bit toxic lol regardless I'm glad I was able to be like I'm done, and it was okay that it took me a month 😭 because I still was able to stop the pattern instead of continue the pattern of letting ppl use me like that.

I've had two therapy sessions now, the first session I felt hella guilty leaving and the second one I felt like I was on a good high. I was given therapy homework though and I haven't accomplished it :( and I don't think I will before Tuesday. I'm supposed to go out with someone and do something out of my comfort zone. The issue with this assignment is I'm scared to ask ppl to hang out that I wouldn't normally cuz that fear of the rejection and I guess that's the whole point. I did ask a girl one hinge if she wanted to hangout in person and I didn't get a reply so I'ma go with that as my assignment completed lmfao. Oooh and in therapy my therapist at one point said "I'm seeing a pattern here do you?" And I didn't so hopefully I will see the pattern she spoke of with the more sessions I have as she didn't tell me lmao.

Hmm what else? Oh completely over my ex! Well for the most part. Obviously I'll always wish it would be different but I've come with terms that she will never want to be friends and I haven't looked at her socials so much so that I missed her bday lol so that felt like a win. Only looked at her socials the last few days. But to be honest I think I'm using Tumblr as a distraction 😅 I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing tho.

Let's see what else...oh the new job is going very well! Last night it felt so easy, I think I asked someone one question and I remembered to bring silly things like the pizza stand, app plates, pepper mill, instead of forgetting until last minute. Oh and a coworker has now started to play with my hair and honestly makes me feel a bit loved, as touch is my love language. She's super sweet. Also last night one of the "favorites" told me I was, "the better new servers" and that I am a "hard worker" my cocky ass knew this, my cocky ass knew i would be but I can't say that :P I'm playing a political game here. But I said thank you lol oh and I was sitting next to some girls and they included me in conversation and one was like yeah when deena first met me she told me she thought I was gonna be a bitch 😅😂. So then everyone wanted to know what I thought about them. One of the girls was like did you think I was gonna be mean? And I told her yes I said "we didn't speak until Sunday!! So yes I thought you were going to be mean but you're very nice." Turns out she told me she's shy and I 100% can see that. I did not tell any of them that I think all pretty girls are going to be mean because they are hot lmao

I don't think anything else happened this week that is note worthy. I havent cried or felt hopeless in awhile and that is a wonderful feeling. I honestly think that has to do with therapy tho.

My period is very late and I'm pregnant jk jk jk 😂 but it is late af. That bitch needs to get here.

OOOH I REMEMBERED SOMETHING. One of my best guy friends works at my new job, he is why I went there. And a different coworker came up to me and was like "do you know Sean talks about you alot?" "I think he likes you" etc etc. And I was dying absolutely trying not to laugh because Sean is such a homie, I would say brother but we playfully flirt sometimes to hype the other up so what ever that makes him. But I had to explain to the coworker that Sean is a close friend, my homie is how I think I worded it. The dude was so small minded though and wouldn't stop and I was like I'm extremely gay and Sean knows this so there isn't anything between us. (I think it's because Sean and I hug at work) because the kid still didn't let it go. I went over to Sean immediately after and him and I got a huge laugh. Sean also said he had never even spoke to the dude before lmfao so I'm real confused but find it amusing nonetheless.