#also I know her names Nymphadora but i doubt she would suddenly be okay with that name after getting married

[goodomensandbadpress]

Cute fic idea? That came to me while i was trying to distract myself from anxiety so i could sleep.

But Regulus being reincarnated as a little black cat who gets adopted by the Lupin family, because Tonks recognizes something odd about the grumpy little kitten (Its eyes, hes looking at me like he knows me) and Remus isn’t a cat person but he can already tell toddler teddy is in love with the cat and Tonks promises that shell do the vet stuff and litter changes. They call him Bagheera They bought a VHS at Tonks request, Teddy’s just watched the jungle book and hes convinced the kitten is actually a black panther.

He’s the grumpiest cat in the world, terrified of water, won’t go out in the rain for roast beef. And hes small for his age but within a week he has the neighbours dog cowering and the Tom down the street crosses the road when hes out prowling. But hes the best rat catcher and he never scratches or bites (so long as you let him have the best spot right next to the fire place) and it takes a while but soon he curls up on your lap and purrs so loud it sounds like there's a lawnmower in the living room.

Remus wasn’t really convinced. It was Tonks and Teddies cat really. Then the full moon came. And even after all these years, with the wolfsbane and experience, hes still ashamed. He’s no threat but he hides from his wife and son down in the basement. The beast has aged with him, its fur is greying, its skin is gnarled with scars. He curls up on a mattress covered in blankets (Tonks insisted he have at least something nice to lay on, even though he refused any other amenities). Suddenly two big blue eyes open up amidst a see of darkness and Remus is transported back 30 years through the wolfs eyes, scared, angry, when two grey eyes appear. followed by a big black dog that doesn’t understand boundaries, a stag who stamps and paws the ground impatiently, wanting to race him down to the river, and a big brown rat that climbs up his leg and nestles in his fur, scratching just the right places.

The full moons weren’t so lonely after that. With a cat that was just half a step too familiar. They weren’t cuddly by any means. But in the early mornings he would creep out the basement, in just a dressing gown, limping down the corridor to the kitchen. Bagheera would walk with him, at Remus’ pace. They would watch the sun rise, over a cup of tea, or a bowl of water. Remus didn’t want to wake Tonks.

And on nights before and after the moon. When Remus was restless and in pain he would make his excuses to his wife, go outside to smoke even though he swore he was going to quit this time.  He would sit outside and Bagheera would follow him, and look up at the stars with his big eyes that looked like they understood more than a cat should know. Remus told him about everything on nights like that. About James and Lily, the marauders and their pranks, about Peter, when he was his best friend. He cried when he talked about Sirius, the brightest star who grew up in an awful place but was still kind and the truest Gryffindor. The cat just watched the stars. He watched Sirius.

[sirrriusblack]

A rant about our favourite lil’ shit, Nymphadora Tonks :)

Okay I know I’m obviously not the first person to bring this up but like...

I love wolfstar. So much. More than words can convey. I just. I ship it with everything in me. And it makes me so so so so so sad that their time got cut short bc of the war and James and Lily’s death and Sirius’ arrest (don’t even get me started on Sirius’ bloody arrest).

But I do think Remus loved Tonks.

I’m on a bit of a medium with Remadora because obviously in my ideal au, everyone lived and wolfstar got happily married. Also, and I know its not really that bad, but the fact that Tonks is much younger and literally Sirius’ second cousin. Obviously it’s not that wrong bc wolfstar isn’t actually canon and as long as it’s not illegal or abusive/harmful in any way, I’m not hating on anyone’s love. So while I do ship Remadora, I obviously ship Wolfstar more.

However, I hate, with a passion, the way Tonks is (sometimes, not always) disregarded bc of wolfstar. Like how it’s said that Remus only got with Tonks to get over Sirius, or he would have left her and Teddy for Sirius or basically that Remus didn’t love Tonks as much as he loved Sirius.

I think it took Remus a long, long time to stop loving Sirius like that. I think their love was something that wasn’t meant to be cut off like that, and I think Remus had a really really hard time grieving James and Lily and Peter and I think he had a hard time grieving Sirius. Because Sirius might not have died, but Remus lost so much love that night. He had to come to terms with Sirius betraying them.

But I also think that eventually, Remus learned. He moved on, and obviously he missed everything he used to have, but no one can live in the past. So he got whatever jobs he could, maybe he dated some people in between, but all in all, he lived.

And then Sirius escaped Azkaban. He spent the year on the run, and then the next year in hiding and obviously he spends a lot of time with Remus. I don’t think they would have gotten back together for a while after that. Sirius was getting used to being in the world again, Remus was getting used to the idea of this memory suddenly becoming real again and they were both learning how to trust again. Because Remus spent that entire 12 years trying to hate Sirius. They didn’t want to get back together because they didn’t know each other anymore. They needed time.

And then Sirius died. Remus watched as Sirius died, and with him every memory they had. And a part of him regretted it. A part of him regretted not taking every second he could get with Sirius. But part of him also knew it was good that he didn’t because Remus only knew that teenage version of Sirius. He only knew the 20 year old Sirius in his bed, in their flat, making tea in the kitchen. Yes, Remus did love Sirius. But the love they shared as kids, that was only a memory now.

And then Remus met Tonks.

And she was funny, and sweet, and kind, and loud, and messy, and Remus fell in love and he felt like he was 20 again. Not because that live reminded him of Sirius, and not because Tonks was a rebound. But because he loved her. Because he finally felt that way about someone again. You can’t help who you love.

Remus didn’t feel he deserved that love though, for many reasons. He could list them for days. She was too young, he was a monster, Sirius, the war, everything. But he thought back to that moment when Sirius was falling through the veil and he felt sick with regret. He didn’t want to have to look at Tonks, ever, and know that he could have chosen love. So he did. Remus chose love. They were together for a year before he proposed.

“Oh Merlin, yes! Yes yes yes! Wait, Remus ‘anxiety is my middle name’ Lupin doesn’t think it’s too early?”

“Dora, I saw you smiling yesterday and I could not tell you the last time I saw something that beautiful. I’d marry you right now if I could.” *happy feels*

They got married and there was a war and order missions and life but it was all okay because they were so happy and in love and it was Tonks. He had Tonks and that made everything okay.

And then she was pregnant. Remus was going to have a kid. And he got scared. Not because he didn’t love Tonks. But because he loved her too much. He was having a kid. He’d always wanted kids. He thought about how Sirius and him had talked about it all the time. He thought of Sirius and then suddenly he was a monster again. He ran because Tonks deserved so much better than someone that still thought of Sirius bloody Black. Remus didn’t realise then, that of course he was going to think of Sirius. Because Sirius was an entire chapter of Remus’ life. And just because you finish a book, it doesn’t mean that you can’t flick through the pages with fondness every once in a while. That didn’t mean Remus suddenly stopped loving Tonks. It just meant that he was scared. He didn’t realise that, and so he ran.

He ran straight into Harry, who knocked so much sense into him he got blown into the sky. With that passion in Harry’s eyes, with his message and his drive and his focus, he looked so much like Lily. It was then that he realised it. It was then that the guilt started to subside. And when Harry brought up his fatherless life, Remus came back down to earth. And he went straight back to Tonks.

He explained it all to her.

He laid out every thought, every panicking, fleeting doubt, every emotion and she laughed at him.

“You’re an idiot, Lupin. You’re allowed to think about your past. You’re allowed to wish you could go back. We all do. Just as long as you don’t rot in the past, you’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

And then Teddy was born.

Remus ached with the memory of Harry being born, of his best friends standing around watching that tiny bundle. He wished they could be there, holding his own tiny bundle. Of course he wished they were there.

But Remus took one look at his wife, sweat damp in her pink hair, a happy smile on her lips, and he didn’t regret one bloody thing.

So in conclusion, stop treating Tonks like shit.