#also I just heard a drunk sad dude yelling outside 'i don't wanna'

[sofanite]

Change the world??: Politics and People

Tonight, Angela knocked on our door to talk about the vote to end net neutrality (which is coming up in two weeks), and the conversation quickly sank deep into politics: neo-nazis and birth control and fear and national pride. I talked, but mostly, my head swiveled back and forth between Marina and Angela, overwhelmed with the reminder that the world is fucked up, in many ways. I felt extra aware of gravity pulling me down into the Earth.

Angela had just finished reading Persepolis for her World Lit class. The main character, a young girl growing up in Iran was called a ‘whore’ by a pack of women for wearing black skinny jeans and a jean jacket. Angela said for a reason she couldn’t quite articulate, reading the news reminded her of that girl, somehow.

“It starts small,” Marina said, in response. It starts with seemingly “small” things, like net neutrality. Denying a gay kid in a homophobic household access to a supportive online LGBT community. To not-so-small things, like open hatred and racism and double standards. The President proclaiming neo-nazis to be “very fine people.”

After that, Em and Jessie came back from pep band and joined us. (“We won the football game!”) By then, I was stuck in a mental rut of AAAAAAAAAAAAA why can’t the “World” just chill, so I turned to Marina like, “It starts small, with group polarization and ingroups and outgroups and conflict,” and she was like “Sophia no...” lol I guess it’s better for people to channel their aggression and hunger for conquest through the weird ritual of football than the alternative....). Then, Emmy showed us the site 5calls.org and we all spent a few minutes leaving voicemails for FCC about net neutrality and our reps for some other things (like “limit Trump’s access to setting off nuclear weapons.” I REALLY wish that weren’t even a thing we had to worry about). I wondered aloud what these calls really do, though. “Do they help?” But nobody knew, exactly.

Sitting on my bed, swaddled in warm leaf-print blankets beneath the warm glow of starry string lights, I think about the spectrum of political awareness, dangerous at either extreme: complete removal and denial of problems, because they’re unpleasant to think about (like my uncle’s ex-wife’s gradual slide into insisting that the Holocaust never happened) to over-rumination. (Dwelling too much on the massive negatives makes it hard to go about daily life and appreciate the good.)

I remembered my freshman geology class. The guest professor, who must’ve been at least eighty, asked us what we were going to do with our lives, but nobody responded.

“Still in phase one, deciding how you’re going to change the world, ey?” he asked.

Changing the world. I feel conflicted on this one. Attitudes towards changing the world are yet another spectrum, ranging from “I’m gonna flip this messed up society upside-down” (which, historically, often have started out well-intentioned, but have devolved into chaos and bloodshed), to “Psh, changing the world is impossible anyways. Soon enough, those naive, idealistic kids are going to realize how hard it is simply to survive in this economy” (which, historically, has been a cop-out from trying at all, and has led to 0 help). I suppose the best I can hope for is to find a middle ground, to try not to be overwhelmed, to remind myself the “World” isn’t one fixable thing, but a complex, infinite network of people and their problems, prejudices, possibilities, and plans. It starts with people, and it starts small.

[kuronanox]

Something there - Renji Abarai

"It hurts right? You like her but she likes someone else." (Your Name) says as her and Renji walk behind Ichigo and Rukia as the two argued about something stupid they saw.

"No no!" He fluster back as she smirks and walks ahead of him.

Renji looks down when they walked ahead and sadly smile. She was right though. He always had a crush on Rukia but he knew her love was somewhere else out of his reach.

"I hate that your always right."

Even after years of being friends with Renji he never looked at her the way he did with Rukia. She was beautiful and enchanting, something she was not.

Sighing she laid on her barrack floor thinking about all the good memories they shared together. Renji was a goofy tsundere, a hopeless man.

She long for his touch and comfort but they were nothing but friends.

A soft knock came from outside as she covered her robe more and opened it slowly to see a familiar red head.

"What's up?" She says as he walks in with a bottle of sake and sit on the ground roughly.

"What's going on? You depressed again?!"

Renji shakes his head and pours her a shot and grins. "A little bird told me you had a rough day and was crying." He tells her as she rolls her eyes. "Hinamori!"

She sits across him in silence eyeing him and then takes the shot slamming it down on the table.

His eyes widen a bit as he chuckles and brings both hands up. "Woah woah someone did have a rough day."

"Oh hush don't act like you don't!" She bite back and looks away pouring a bit. "You know I'm an raging alcoholic aside from Kira."

Renji looks back at all the times he's drank with Kira and he sweats a bit understanding the dude did get drunk all the time when they go out.

"So what happen? I can be a listening ear."

"Nothing much just a few petty argument with some squad members and contemplating my life's decision."

Renji nodds his head and pours her another shot as she drank most the bottle ranting about her problems and how she needed a break from everything.

"Do you think it's best to cut off people in your life?" She then ask him with tiny eyes and a pink face. The alcohol kicking in as she was half drunk and half tipsy not thinking straight.

"Well last time I tried to we came back together." He laughs thinking back about Rukia's execution.

"She's beautiful and strong, she's independent and cute. I wish I could be her." (Your Name) sighs laying on the floor looking up on the ceiling feeling a bit sorry for herself.

"Ahh don't say that! You have your strong features too!" Renji defends as she laughs bitterly.

"She has everything...even him."

There was silence before Renji plopped up with widen eyes.

"You like Ichigo?! Oh god! Why him out of all people! Jesus (Your Name) I thought you had taste!"

Renji took 2 shots to that and shakes his head.

"Not him stupid." She says and leans on her elbow yawning as he blushes a bit.

"Kuchiki taicho! Hey hey I know he's a good looking man but that's her brother."

(Your Name) groans out loud and rolls her eyes. "Why is he so stupid?"

"Anyways! Your wrong."

There was a long silence between the two before he covers his face and blushes a bit falling onto the floor. "Me?!"

"Bingo! But hey this doesn't change our friendship. Don't think I'm sad about it. Even though I am." She closes her eyes letting the world spin around her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know you felt that way. I wouldn't have made you feel this way." He apologizes ashamed he told her about his love life and how miserable he was.

"I mean it's cool, we are both struggling at something right." She shrugs and pours the sake bottle that happen to be empty now and she grits her teeth slapping it on the side.

"(Your Name) why didn't you tell me!"

"Because would that change anything? Would that change your heart to open up to me? To love me? No!" She yelled at Renji as her body trembled a bit looming over him with hurt eyes.

She places her hands on her hips after because it was silent in the room now. "It's getting late. Maybe you should go home now."

"Wait let me-"

"Just leave for now I'm not sober. I don't wanna say or do something I will regret."

Renji cleans the mess they made before leaving her barracks. "Good night (Your Name)."

She avoided all contact with Renji the past week and stayed away from the 6th squad as much as possible. "I can't believe I confessed to him! Ugh how stupid can I be!"

Kicking the floor she looked up to see Byakuya standing infront of her. "Kuchiki taicho!" She stampers as he nods his head.

"My lieutenant has been feeling down lately, please fix him it's affecting his work ethic."

She looks down embarrassed that the noble man could see that she had feelings for his lieutenant the whole time. "I'm sorry I don't know what you're talking about."

Byakuya doesn't say one word and walks past her as she gasp for air afraid of the nobles man presence.

Renji lays on the grass looking up to the sky, he truly felt bad for (Your Name) he always thought they were best friends and she was only being nice and felt sorry for him.

Renji knew she was an attractive women and he had only laid eyes on one women in his life. He was very closed minded but he knew he had options but never did he think it was one he would actually see a future with.

Yes he loved Rukia but he knew the longer he kept his heart there he would never feel happy and satisfied. She had her love for someone else.

Renji knew it was time to move on but he didn't want (Your Name) to feel like an second option.

"Ugh!" He yells frustrated with himself.

"Renji?"

He looks up to see (Your Name) her hair was flowing in the wind as she gave him a small smile.

"(Your Name)!" He says and sits up as she took her place besides him.

"You've been feeling down?"

"Not really."

She raised a brow and he looks away flustered that she knew his feelings from the start.

"That's not what I heard from Kuchiki Taicho."

"Oh great he basically snitched on me."

(Your Name) pokes his cheek and laughs a bit before turning away and getting up. "Whenever you're ready to answer me I'll be waiting."

Renji looks up and grabs her hand before she could leave. "I have my answer. I do like you a lot but please forgive me if it seems like you are an second options because you aren't. I just didn't think you would be into me like this."

Slapping his head he stands up and hunches over her. "Why did you hit me?!"

"Because can't you see nothing is wrong with you! Anyone would be dumb not to like you!" She argues back as he chuckles and brings her into a hug.

"I don't think I deserve you."

"You don't but I like you so you're lucky!"

Renji grins slowly letting go of the past and moving on with the future. It was always easy with (Your Name) she was sassy but also kind and easy going.

"You're going to be the death of me."

She smirks and brings him into a head lock walking out of the fields. "Where are we going?!"

"To drink and celebrate our success to a future of happiness!"

Renji smiles and unlocks himself holding his hand with hers before letting her take the lead.

"Let's celebrate then!" He cheers.

(Author note: short story, nothing serious! Who should I write next?)