#also I have a sore throat which is unrelated but I think it adds to the awfulness of the day

[thursdayg1rl]

well today was . a day I guess

[yumikan]

[Scout Story] Zodiac (dragon fruit – 2)

Please read my note and about first~

-Fruits Parlor-

Nazuna

(Nn~ Today Oshi-san is also annoying, not that I mind it though)

(Frankly, how he took me into account and entered the store was quite a help)

(Today was really hard~, A recording of special end-of-year TV program…… We entered the site since morning and kept going until night)

(It’s not rare for [Valkyrie] to have a recording for TV program, it’s the first time we’ve done it all day long)

(We were singing and dancing from morning until night, my whole body is sore and my throat hurt too)

(Oshi-san too, he usually takes my stamina into account and won’t accept job like this, though……)

(It’s a large end-of-year event, and we can’t really expect anything from the group who appeared in [SS])

(They appeared through their connection or a sum of donation even though they don’t have any ability, those worthless guys……)

(They’re on cloud nine from playing idol, they’re just a cheap-looking group)

(I bet they’re eliminated right away. And how they’re cruelly defeated is broadcasted between teatime of the whole country……)

(The power of Yumenosaki Academy’s brand is declined yet again because of that, so we must raise our value in another place)

(Everyone is looking through the rose-colored glasses)

(They’re idol who belong to Yumenosaki Academy, with just that, there’s a possibility that anyone won’t be valued highly. Well, I don’t like that)

(Oshi-san, every single day…… He put great effort to polish his skill and create the greatest work of art)

(It’s cruel how no one is aware of it)

Shu

? What is it, Nito? Staring at me like that…… The incarnation of beauty that should be appreciated is conversely looking at here, shouldn’t it be the opposite?

Nazuna

…………

Shu

Aa, perhaps you want to order? Then, shall we call the store clerk?

You, I want to order this, this, and this one. Make it quick, since lovely Nito is starving

Hm? No, Nito is neither my lover nor my child…… You sure make a weird misassumption, he and I are partners with one heart and mind

Right, Nito?♪

Nazuna

…………

Shu

Look, Nito is nodding too! How adorable, don’t you think so?

Nazuna

…… Don’t involve the store clerk. What an embarrassing fellow, geez

Shu

It’s not a problem, isn’t it? Since I hold the supreme treasure in my hand, surely they can tolerate some boast of love or bragging!

Aa la vie en rose[1], the whole world is shining……♪

…… Oops, thank you. They really bring the order quickly, seems like the store clerk here receive a fairly good training

Shu

Hey Nito, a~n…… It’s a fresh fruit♪

Nazuna

…… I can eat it myself

Shu

Don’t say that. Let me serve you, my dear person

Fufu. Since Nito will be angry if I tease him too much, I shall partake of my own meal

*chewing*…… If my wish could be granted, I wish Nito would do the “a~n” too, though♪

Nazuna

…… We’re both males, what are you going on about? Oshi-san, do you have no intention to make any girlfriend?

Shu

Non! I see you’re saying such worldly thing? It’s enough as long as I have you, also right now my hands are full with studying art!

In fact, it’s really very busy nowadays…… To the point that there are many moments where I think I don’t have enough hands, I simply can’t spare time or heart for unnecessary thing

Nazuna

…… If I, it would be okay if I help you with sewing or such, though

Shu

I’m happy with your thought. However, you sure are clumsy, fundamentally

Although, it’s delightful if you bestow blessing to the outfit which I weaved

Therefore, thing such as having the production’s degree of perfection dropped is not desirable for [Valkyrie]. Please understand, Nito

Nazuna

I understand. …… Among the next year’s freshman, it will be great if there is any nice kid who can sew or such, though

We sure want to increase our member~, after all, it’s always “the two of us alone”

Shu

Fufu. Personally, it’s fine even if the world come to a conclusion with just you and I

I think you have guessed it and I aware of it myself, but my likes and dislikes are extreme

I doubt I’ll meet any person who seem capable enough to be included into [Valkyrie]

Nazuna

…… In this pace. Though I’m afraid since it seems someday the impossible will come and everything will be destroyed

Shu

That “someday” will never come, lovely Nito. No, wasting time from being frightened of the future is undesirable

Believe, this is your and my paradise. Since it’s a paradise, things such as pain or sorrow are unrelated

Nazuna

…………

Shu

…… Wait a moment, Nito. What on earth are you eating?

Nazuna

? It’s a fruit

Shu

I can tell it’s a fruit without you telling me that, since this place is a store which offers fresh fruit?

I think it’s better than the fast-food store where we don’t know what kind of additives that they add

It’s the place that I picked for the purpose of replenishing nourishment until we get home!

The problem here is that fruit!

Wh, what is that? Aa it’s grotesque, it’s reddish black like an internal organ! In addition, on the flesh, there are starchy hardened ashes-like things!?

Nazuna

It’s sweet and delicious. …… Uhm, looks like it’s called dragon fruit

Shu

Non! You mustn’t! Nito, spit it right now, “peh”!

Nazuna

No well, like I said, it’s really delicious. It’s like a very sweet and soft pear……

Look, Oshi-san should try this too~, I think it’s not good to have many foods you hate without trying them first♪

Shu

Non! Stop it! It doesn’t look like a thing which is good for mankind’s intake!

Nazuna

Now now, eat it. Oshi-san also feels hungry, right? A~n……♪

Shu

Guh, although I’m happy with Nito’s “a~n”! It’s a mixed blessing, a life where I can’t have my way with!

Aa God, you made a mistake when creating this world……!

  [1] Shu said “薔薇色の人生” that means “rose-colored life”. But I use this French word since I think it suits him.

[thethoughtsfromthreeam]

Monument Woman

Pairing: Marcus Pike x OC (Rosemary Carter)

Warnings: Angst, Death (y’all knew it was coming)

A/N:  I am so glad I went on vacation!  I’ve got a renewed interest in this story and I knocked out several new chapters over the last few days. I am also feeling the other stories I’ve got half cooked up.  I need to take a mini vacation more often!

Reminder: I ain’t ever seen Pedro Pascal in FUCK ALL, I’m just coming up with this as I go along, using imdb.com, wiki, and 84,000 tabs I got open to plan out this shit.  I also write soft versions of his characters so if you’re craving asshole vibes, I ain’t got any but my own to offer.

Tag List:

@zeldasayer​ , @beskars​ , @coolmaybelateruniverse​ , @the-feckless-wonder​ , @pascalisthepunkest​ , @mandoandyodito​ , @randomness501​ , @fioccodineveautunnale​  , @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ , @lilkermit14​ , @tortles   [please message me to be added or subtracted]

Part 4 – Good-bye is so Harsh, Just Say See You Later

“Dammit!”  Agent Fitzgerald slammed his fist on the table, startling everyone in the room. Agent Armand peered at him over her glasses and he ducked his head under her steady, motherly gaze.  Everyone went back to the work in front of them as Pike and Carmichael came over to see what the fuss was about.

The junior agent sighed as he leaned his head back.  He had been working to clear up some surveillance video they got from a museum in Wisconsin who had reported a piece stolen in the 1990s. It took him three days to piecemeal the tape back together, which had deteriorated over the years due to bad storage. Then it took another week to render it clear enough to see what was going on.  While the original notes state that the tape was grainy, the original agents didn’t clarify that the video looked as if someone smeared Crisco over the lens.

But finally, Fitzgerald had it watchable and as he peered closely at the tape, a subtle changed occurred, causing his outburst.  When he looked up and saw Pike and Carmichael, he waved for them to sit down and started the digital video again.

“Tell me what you see?”  The two agents watched the tape as the gallery sat devoid of people for the entirety of ten minutes.  They sat back when the video ended and looked at the man watching them.  “You missed it, didn’t you?”

“Missed what?” Questioned Carmichael, curious as to what he was talking about.

“The jump.”  They looked at him and he gave a sardonic chuckle, knowing that they missed what the original agents missed back then.  He rewound the tape to about the halfway point and started it again.  This time, the partners leaned in and stared closely at the video.  Fitzgerald knew when they saw the skip because both sets of eyebrows shot up at the same time.

“Whoever this crew is, they know where the cameras are and how to alter them.”  The man leaned back and rubbed his eyes.  “And they know how to make it look seamless.  Although the analog video was grainy, I didn’t catch it the first time I saw it digitally.”

“I think we need to get all the rest of the videos that we can review.” Pike sat back, his brain already working up a plan.  “How long will it take you to review all the tapes?”

“I’m not sure, not more than a couple of days, assuming I don’t have to fix them like I did this one.”  Came the reply.  The special agent nodded, his eyes unfocused as he began to add this new information into his mental files.

“Pike, what are you thinking?”  Carmichael stood up, waving over Agent Horacio.  She mumbled to them that she needed all the tapes from all the cases gathered up and given to Fitzgerald.  They nodded and walked off to begin the task at hand.

“I’m thinking we need to go back and ask people about their surveillance systems.  If we can prove even the private collections had tampered videos, then this isn’t an inside job like we originally thought, it might be more.  And we need to recognize this is more sophisticated than we’ve been giving them credit for.”  The two agents looked at him and nodded with a shared smile.  After working on these cold cases for months, they had something to go on – finally.

-*-

“Hey Carmichael, I’m going to run out for lunch, you want anything?” Pike stuck his head into her office, eyebrows slightly raised.  She poked her head up, her dark eyes look dull and bleary.  “You look exhausted, maybe you should go home.”

“Maybe you should be quiet for a moment Pike.”  Her voice sounded scratchy and lower than normal.  “And come here for a second, I need another pair of eyes.

Her partner walked over to the desk, taking silent note that she looked smaller and the exhaustion was etched into her face.  Taking up a spot next to her chair, Pike leaned over to read what she was pointing at.  One of the junior agents had created a compilation of quotations from the original interviews in each of the cold cases and then a list of ones from the new interviews they had been conducting since June.  She watched him as he skimmed the papers and as his eyebrows rose higher on his forehead, her tired smile got bigger and bigger.  He glanced over at her.

“Is this all true?”  His voice sounded excited and she vigorously nodded.  “Oh my god, Carmichael!”

“I know Pike!  I had Horacio and Fitzgerald both review this before I looked at it.  Every single one of these cases were executed the same way. This is one team we’re hunting, and they were responsible for every single case.”

Pike started to laugh in relief. There had been concern among him, Carmichael, and Armand that they were looking at unrelated cases or possible copycats, which did little to narrow their search.  But the interviews showed the same pattern every single time, the original agents just never cross-matched their case with any open ones.

“They’ve been able to actively do this since, what?  1982?  I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s the same group but may have had different people over the years.  No way someone who was forty in 1982 is still out here robbing the say way almost forty years later.”  Pike looked at Carmichael.

“You’re probably right but let me take it a step further and say they kept their theft team the same as long as they could.  Someone new comes in, they learn the ways of the crew and as old members died or went to jail, new members came in.  But I bet at least two-thirds of the crew were long-timers and so that’s why there was little to no deviation from case to case.  The newbies become the experts by the time more new kids are recruited.”  She paused. “Which I think is how all these cases ultimately were executed in virtually the same way over such a long period of time.”

“So, what we have is a sophisticated theft ring that spans nearly forty years and at least seven countries.  They are so good that not one of the thirty pieces stolen have been recovered nor had the cases been connected until recently.  And of course, they are all still out there, not having been caught for these specific crimes.”  Pike stood up and scratched his jaw, the dark stubble rough under his fingertips.  “What does that sound like to you?”

Carmichael closed the folder and sat back in her chair.  The dull look to her eyes gave away to their more familiar sparkle as she bared her teeth in a bright smile.

“Sounds like mafia to me.”

---***---

Rosemary shifted in the bed, letting Banana wiggle his way between her body and Robert’s emaciated frame.  In the week since she had dinner with him and Fern, his progress went downhill rapidly, and Rosemary rarely left the room.  Although the late September day was chilly, all the windows were open because he wanted to smell Saugatuck.

As the dog got comfortable, she laid her head back down on the pillow and rested her arm on his warm body so she could take Robert’s hand into hers. The last forty-eight hours had been the hardest as he delved further and further into delusion, speaking in a foreign language one moment and in English the next.  Sometimes he spoke of names that were unfamiliar to her, as if he were remembering a time many years ago.

The sun was lowering in the sky when Robert turned his head and glanced towards the young woman next to him.  For a long moment they looked at each other, the silence between them worn and old and comfortable.  But something in Robert, his old self, fought to the top and through the delusion to speak to her, his voice cracking under the strain.

“I love you Rosie.  I always have.  You are my daughter as sure as if I fathered you myself.”  He could see the tears forming in her eyes and her throat moving as she tried to swallow them, not wanting him to see her cry.  She nodded at him.

“I love you, Robert.  Thank you for being in my life.”  He smiled and closed his eyes, sighing.  They laid like that for another hour before he opened his eyes again and looked at her. He scanned her face as if trying to memorize her freckles or her hazel eyes or that weird scar on her forehead. He finally looked her in the eye and smiled.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  And as the sun set, he was gone.  Banana lifted his head and began to cry as Rosemary let her tears flow. She scooted over and wrapped herself around Robert and cried and cried.  A small part of her seemed to die with him as she felt empty – far emptier than when Pops and Grams died.  

She was truly alone now.

---***---

“Rose?”  A soft knock came at the bathroom door, Amy’s lilting voice on the other side sounded muffled through the wood.  “Honey?”

Rosemary sat on the toilet, slumped over and her face in a daze.  Her hands rested on her thighs, gripping at her sleeping shorts mindlessly.  She didn’t say anything, her throat raw and sore from her crying.  When Amy opened the door, she bit her lip at the scene before her.

After Robert finally passed, Rosemary laid with him for an hour before pulling herself from the bed to call the funeral home.  When Benson Harwood arrived with his assistant, they immediately went about preparing to remove the body as she stood by the door, arms wrapped around her torso.  She shivered as she watched the two of them work, but when they zipped closed the body bag, rendering Robert from sight, she dropped to her knees and began to keen loudly.

The assistant, who was new, jumped back at the sound, but Benson had been around long enough to know what to do.  The heavy-set man with kind eyes sat down on the floor next to her and held her in his arms.  Rosemary cried Robert’s name over and over for nearly half an hour.  When she couldn’t cry out loud anymore, she pulled away from Benson and curled into a ball on the floor, blocking the door.

“Rosemary, we need to take him.  It’s time for him to go.”  The funeral director rubbed her back, recognizing the shock of loss in her eyes. Like others, he knew of her close relationship with Robert and had told his wife that he was glad the old man had someone with him in his last days.  He looked around the room before his eyes laid on her cell phone on the bed. “Rose, can I call someone for you?”

She laid there, practically catatonic when the assistant touched Benson’s shoulder.  He looked up and nodded at her before she walked over and got the phone.  He asked gently for her to unlock it so he could call her friends and her shaky fingers took three tries before her home screen popped up.  When he saw the group text, he pressed dial for the first name he saw in the chat.

After explaining the situation, Amy Anton agreed to come help with her distraught friend.  When she arrived, she was able to coax Rosemary off the floor, who merely crawled into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.  The three looked at each other and Amy finished with Benson so they could leave.  After texting Fern and Tina, she knocked on the door.

“Rosie. . . “

“No.  That was his name for me.  No.” Her voice crackled with rawness, her vocal cords in screaming pain at the movement.  She turned her head to look at Amy and the tears spilled over her cheeks.  “I’m alone. Alone.”

The crying began again and as if all sensation left her body, Rosemary slid off the toilet and hit the wall.  She seemed impervious to pain, but Amy still shrieked out at the sight.  She couldn’t muffle her own tears as she dropped to the cold tile to scoop up her friend in her arms.  Tina and Fern’s footsteps echoed through the house as they arrived, and both stopped when they found the duo on the floor.

Without a second thought, the two women dropped down and enveloped their sobbing friend and held her for what seemed like hours.  Eventually, they convinced her to get into the shower and then into bed. As Amy cleaned up Robert’s room, Fern called her paralegal to begin the post-death legal process, and Tina took Banana for a walk before curling up in bed with Rosemary.  Sleep avoided the four women that night and for the first time in a long time, Rosemary dreaded the morning sunlight.

[thessaliah]

Who is the “Person of Chaldea”?

For those who didn't know, there is a mysterious helper who appears in the Lostbelts and aids Chaldea indirectly by helping the people they made contact or would make contact.  Here cut under spoilers the information we have and already old destroyed guesses and theories:

We know little about this man (assuming is a man which seems most likely right now) who appears in Lostbelts when Chaldea isn't around to give a helping hand. The direct (not speculation related) info we have is:

He is referred specifically as the "カル���アの者."

Wears white.

His clothes are dirty and tattered, covers his head and face with a hood.

He apparently fights with a curved, thin sword or something alike it (note this is an old Yaga describing this so if he was using some magic trick he wouldn't know).

He knows magecraft of the Ages of Gods that isn’t rune based.

He knows how to treat injuries, plague, and has the skill as a physician. He is called a 'sensei' in LB3.

Knows assorted skills like how to take care of fields.

He is able to manifest in the Lostbelts by mysterious means.

Pronouns: 私 and お前 to address others.

He has a 'tch' tongue clunking quirk but he claims is because of his sore throat and body.

He is shocked to find people who would put themselves in a disadvantage to offer him kindness and hospitality.

He seems detached about humanity at some level and a pragmatic point of view.

He might appear different than he used to look or have a different body.

He says his goals haven't changed and he has done the same things in the past (without such welcome). "His actions are the same."

Holmes speculates he’s a “survivor of Chaldea.”

Those are the official things we know. There is more I could add that could be related to him but that goes in identity theory.

DEBUNKED: MUSASHI+ DIFFERENT SERVANT ON EACH LOSTBELT

When Musashi appeared in LB1, plenty of fans (and even the characters) assumed Musashi who also claimed as an ally of Chaldea (but using a completely different label and not カルデアの者) was this mysterious helper: she had covered her face with a hat, she wielded a katana and all. But they didn't notice the lack of quirk and the lack of healing expertise. In LB2, the Person of Chaldea is an overpowerful mage, so ruled her out unless he was a new one. By LB4, it leaves clear that is the same person that travels in all Lostbelts, he gets dialogue and internal monologue for the first time. Leaving the theories of Musashi, Ryoma, Muramasa, Paracelsus, etc out of the running.

DEBUNKED: IT’S A CRYPTER

Before LB4, there was a popular theory the Person of Chaldea was actually a Crypter, in particular,  Kirschtaria Wodime, because he favors white. But after LB4, we know the man travels alone and that for a Crypter to move between Lostbelts, they need the help of an Emissaries. Evil Mercenary Tamamo is good for such task. Crypters are more than antagonists but they are unlikely to be the Person of Chaldea.

POSSIBILITY # 1: IT’S A NEW SURPRISING CHARACTER OR SOMEONE UNEXPECTED LIKE MARISBURY ANIMUSPHERE

Because the person is hard to fit on the old characters we know, perhaps it's a new one. Abe no Seimei is a good possibility when there are characters related to him introduced. Murasaki, his student, his foes Tamamo and Douman. However, my only complaint here is that they yanked our chains for two years of mystery to introduce a new character? The possibility exists, but it seems like poor writing. If we are talking of dark horses, Marisbury Animusphere is certainly another possibility, although the pronouns don't fit, and he has no notable physician experience that we know, he wears white, he's from Chaldea, and the shoes (not the coat) match the man in the OP. I mean to put him here as a possibility he's connected, but my suspicion is that Marisbury is more unfortunately linked to the antagonist, the God of Another Planet. I'll leave that for another post. His possibilities to be the Person of Chaldea raises if Daybit is an antagonist and not the potential aloof ally he seems to be.

POSSIBILITY # 2: IT’S SOLOMON

Romani, Goetia, a combination, etc. Solomon. "But Solomon disappeared!" I can cite a lot of things, from Goetia voicing the PV, to Roman in the Lost Room, to the fact both left remnants (which Ars Nova shouldn't have allowed) and Chaldea is stated to want to build a record for Romani specifically. But I frankly don't care about this, Nasu would explain this if the time comes. The Lostbelts have revised the Modern History anyway, and whatever happens inside their Wall of Storms is not "our World" technically.

So far is the most likely possibility, and why there's a tease and red herring from one or the other. Unrelated but completely important is the scene in the Lost Room, the final shot of someone picking up one of Solomon's rings from the thrones before leaving. The question remains is which Solomon?

THE CASE FOR AND AGAINST GOETIA: "Goetia is in Romani's body" seems to be the most popular theory since the OP image show up (along with the initial "was that Marisbury?"). Goetia does use, among other pronouns, watashi and omae. The personality of the Person of Chaldea seems colder and harsher than Romani usually displayed, so fits more Goetia, as well as the fact of "is this appearance?" which makes him mull over how he's treated, which could refer to wear Romani's body and clothes as he did to Solomon. Maybe he gained medical knowledge too. However, are we sure is him or Nasu wants us to assume is him for taking to face some superficial statements? The main case against is that his current actions don't match his past ones, even if one is to assume his goal and motivation remains the same (he feels sorry for humans), that he has indeed wear Roman's likeness in the past (with Mashu) and he shouldn't be shocked about the benefit of a human appearance when his shtick was passing himself as Solomon or Roman or making his pillars take human vessels. The other case against is the tsking. Tsking and tongue clunking to my memory are not one of his quirks. IMO, Goetia is a strong if not the strongest contender. I'm not sold about Roman's body, because Roman's body disappeared (and I feel it's irritating for his sake and Roman he's still under his shadow rather than stand as his own character), the tongue quirk could be because whoever body he’s using or inhabiting has it. 

THE CASE FOR AND AGAINST ROMANI (SOLOMON): "A doctor in white" was the second most popular theory but fell off a little after the monologue of the Person of Chaldea because he lacked Romani's nicer personality and his usual pronouns (Boku/kimi). It's true it cannot be the same Romani Archaman we know, but this doesn't mean it cannot be him. We'll start for the case for: a physician with assorted talents (all that could be feasible for Romani/Solomon - and yes, includes having a legendary long thin blade listed in wikipedia - and this also can be listed on Goetia’s favor too!) that wears white, is from Chaldea, and still has the same actions, goals, and motives. The actions might have been weird, but with episode 0, we saw Romani walk the world on his own and doing odd jobs including acting as doctor in disaster zones, until he turned to Chaldea to complete his mission. How is that different from the Person of Chaldea’s present actions? The main objections are sound: the man doesn't talk or acts (in temperament) like Roman, and the quirk isn't his. However, after becoming Solomon again did use watashi and omae (he switched gradually from boku to watashi in the temple, if you carefully replay his unused voice clips and read his farewell scene) and his personality would be different if he was in possession or manifestation of a new body, as most Pseudo Servants (Ishtar wouldn't act like Rin if she wasn't in Rin's body, for example, we know this from Strange Fake - the vessel influences the spirit). The Servants who cannot manifest alone require vessels and the vessels can influence the way they talk, their temperaments and -obviously- give them a new appearance which our Person of Chaldea might have. Despite his friendliness, Romani seemed to speak and think of humanity from the distance (Accel Zero comes to mind where he reveals he's pretty  pragmatic who wouldn't go around to change things as Waver did), he also thinks people should hate him (in his Blurb of relationship with the Master), so if it's Solomon post Roman's self-loathing, him acting surprised that those people in India Lostlet are willing to accommodate him with the little they had and were so kind toward him is unfortunately not as weird as we might think. Da Vinci changed from a sassy libertine to a (dull) angelic younger sister type after her rebirth just after the Prologue if we need a precedent. 

As for me, whoever the person of Chaldea is, I would prefer if Roman remains Roman. I absolutely dislike the change in Da Vinci (looks and personality) but I am not blind not to see the possibility with the metaphor of the "peppermint green book" in the latest event the doctor appeared (you know that whole “things -people-  you believe lost might be returned to you but with differences”). There is another case I'm considering but is more self-indulging, because doesn't mean desecrating Solomon's second corpse (even if it disappeared!), Goetia's arc, and Romani's whole self. The one of assimilation like Kingu and Enkidu which means the Person of Chaldea could be a new Solomon created of Romani and Goetia mutual elements. They used to share a body. That’s another case, but I’m not sure. My heart leans closer to Goetia in this, but my gut feels he could be red herring for Solomon 2.0.

Of course, this could be all be wrong and it’s truly Abe no Seimei or something outlandish like Future Ritsuka (I forgot to debunk this, it feels laughable when Ritsuka has a very limited character or arc, and cannot do a single healing spell to know magecraft of the Ages of Gods - plus would give Gudako an edge over the male Ritsuka -who uses ore as pronoun- and that won’t be allowed, sadly). You never know. I just wanted to share past and present theories. From a writing perspective, I just don’t think some new character would be right when they are treating this as a slowburn mystery arc and purposefully used Musashi as an in-game red herring. Maybe if Abe no Seimei -or whoever if it’s a new character- gets a better set up, certainly. Marisbury possibility is still strong if he’s not an antagonist.

[transadvice]

Hello, So I started T recently, and while I know a good deal about the changes that will occur, I have a specific question. How do I know the difference between the scratchyness/soreness of my voice starting to change, vs the scratchyness/soreness that comes with the onset of a respiratory illness? This is important as I need to know whether I should be wearing a mask, due to the concentration of COVID19 cases in my area. Thanks!

I think a lot of us are struggling right now with the question of, “Is it COVID-19 or is it an unrelated, but similar symptom?” I’m not a doctor, but based on my crash course via public health announcements and articles in the last few weeks, here’s what I believe to be true:* The most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever and cough. If you don’t have those symptoms, it’s likely (but not 100%) to be something else. How You Can Tell The Difference Between COVID-19, Cold, Flu, and Allergies* Sore throat is possible, but not a common symptom of COVID-19. Only about 14% of the 55,000 confirmed COVID-19 patients in laboratory tests reported a sore throat. https://ourworldindata.org/coronavirus* Face makes protect others from droplets when you cough or sneeze. If you’re not coughing or sneezing, you don’t need a face mask. https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/advice-for-public/when-and-how-to-use-masksOne of the hardest things to accept, I think, is going to be that you might get sick and you might never find out if it was COVID-19.In some sense, it doesn’t matter. In my area, at least, tests are hard to come by, doctors’ offices are full, and doctors don’t want sick people to spread the virus to others in the hospital, so they are urging people who do not need ventilators or other emergency care to stay home and treat the symptoms with home remedies, such as over-the-counter painkillers, cough medicine, fluids, and rest. Whatever your symptoms are, regardless of if they are from COVID-19 or another reason, treat them at home, and prevent the spread to other people with social distancing and hand-washing. Because we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and because COVID-19 has an incubation period, we should all be washing our hands and practicing social distancing, regardless of if we have symptoms. In other words, if you’re sick, stay home / wash your hands / treat your symptoms. If you’re well, stay home / wash your hands / treat your symptoms (if any). As far as the testosterone sore throat, based on my totally nonscientific observation, it usually happens within a few weeks after you start T, and can last weeks or months on and off (some people experience it the whole time their voice deepens, which typically takes about a year). It can be accompanied by hoarseness or croaky voice, or voice breaking (just like cis pubescent guys). This is another treat-the-symptom situation, whatever makes you feel more comfortable with a sore throat: tea with honey, ice cream, cough drops, hot steam from the shower, etc.Also: congratulations for getting on T! EDITED TO ADD: As long as this is my trans men and COVID-19 post, here’s some good info about binding in this time

[kriskonfesses]

Just a little change... 1/1

20 (give or take) years. That, my friends, is how long it takes for a bunch of scientists to discover the genetic issues that cause a disease and for a treatment of any kind for the disease to be released (other than just treating it symptomatically). Well, in my case. My entire life can be summed up in a similar number of years. My mom always told me that they had pinpointed the exact chromosome that was malfunctioning in people with SMA right before I was diagnosed.  Now, I finally get to do something about it. So, here I’ll keep my progress of the treatment I’ve been panicking/searching/drooling over for the past four months. A little more than a year ago Spinraza, the first ever gene therapy for SMA, was FDA approved and tomorrow I get my go at it. December 2016 I’m sitting on the bed in the guest room of my dad’s new house. It’s the day after Christmas and I have a sore throat (that eventually ended up in the ICU, save that for a later date). I’m flipping through posts on facebook when I came across a peculiar post on a rare piece of magic... well, sorta. It may be science but it seemed miraculously exciting. A drug called Spinraza which would stop the progression of my disease and was very expensive. That was of all I knew and all I wanted to know at the moment. I called each person in the house to the room one at a time and told them and none of them seemed very cheerful about it. I couldn’t understand why no one felt the way I thought I should feel. And they had a point. It wasn’t a cure. It’s almost a million dollar treatment. It’s done every four months for forever. There is no promise to gain strength. It’s a needle going into your spine. I could go on... And for us, we didn’t know much about the result, but I always held hope a little in the back of my head. I gave up and decided to wait. I heard insurance was hell to get through. Yet, my muscles have gotten weaker... My already painfull major depression just made everything suck, everything sucked. It had been sucking since my pneumonia. Nothing would change what has happened to me, but my mindset needed the change. That's when I realized I had stopped seeing my therapist since pneumonia and I really needed one. I called her back up and the results were amazing. My panic attacks have literally gone from twice a day to once a week. Then, I got the other important thing that helps with depression: Meds? No, sun. I took a cruise. I felt so relaxed and away from my troubles and it was great. I know I seem a little off track right now but stick with me here for a sec. Around this time I got an invite to a Facebook group about Spinraza. I started seeing all these wonderful stories about babies and toddlers. They were breathing without the need for support, crawling, sitting up, and walking on their own. The joy of knowing that these kids would never have to grow up going through the trials I had to was priceless. Nowhere near as many hospital visits, no missing learning important things in school like tying your shoes because you had PT, no difficult special ed bus drivers, no missing field trips or field days.The families would save some pain in the process, too. Maybe this would prevent some siblings from having to go to therapy. Maybe it would even save some marriages. I know having children with disabilities can be a heavy load for parents to carry. Although I know my own parents had their unrelated reasons for divorce, it still stung to think that my disease didn’t help the matter.  While reading and wading through emotional stories, I learned children weren’t the only ones noticing changes, even though these changes in adults were never promised. I heard stories of people who could lift a cup or open a lid. These things may seem minuscule to the vast majority of people, but they can be huge to those who have no way to care for themselves. You don’t ever understand fully until you have to ask others to do everything for you. I heard people were talking clearer. It has always been a fear of mine to lose the ability to speak clearly as it is the only form of control I really have. Just the thought of not having to lose my voice or my already weak ability to pick things up is exciting. And honestly, that right there is the reasoning behind getting this treatment. So I started. My very first step is to research as much as I possibly could. Learning about the procedure, the side effects, and the expectations is very important. I read thousands of comments and questions on the Facebook page and read as much on the official website as I could. I didn’t want to go in and be blinded by complications, so I tried to find a way out of all the problems before I even started the process. Unfortunately, for a person with panic disorder this severe, this caused a lot of stressing about things I never should have had to worry about, to begin with. I also learned every situation is vastly different. When I came across a person in the same state with the same insurance I have, who kept getting denied, I instantly thought I would be in the exact same situation. Turns out I was wrong and I spent a month worrying about it. I can always be counted on to overthink things. My next hurdle revolved around the location of the treatment. While Austin isn’t behind the times when it comes to medical facilities, it is nowhere near the largest or most medically advanced cities in Texas (Texas has 3 of the 10 largest cities in the country in it and Austin certainly isn’t one of them, even though it is the capital). Since at the time Spinraza hadn’t even been out for even a year and the cost was such a large risk, very few places were willing to administer the drug. I pretty much had two options, Dallas and Houston. I looked into Houston and found a place but they wouldn’t take my insurance (aka Government insurance) because of something called “Buy & Bill”, which pretty much means my insurance agrees to cover it as long as the hospital pays for it initially and then gets reimbursed. Obviously, it isn’t the ideal situation. Someone said that university hospitals tend to agree to “Buy & Bill” more often and one of the doctors I was told to look into was at the University of Texas Southwestern in Dallas. When I finally scheduled I had to wait about a month until my appointment. I brought the partially filled out Start form with me and was prepared to start with no idea what the wait time was. I had heard people waiting anywhere from seven months to a year. I got assigned my Family Access Manager about two weeks later. He came out for a meeting and went over everything. Most of this I had already known from my tedious research. He told me that it was my job to be proactive. Implanting myself like a thorn in the side of the doctor's office I fought for speedy results and proved myself a worthy self-advocate. After a couple of months, I received one of those annoying insurance calls where a machine says something to the effect of “blah blah blah your request for a nonformulary prescription has been approved blah blah blah.” I was having a lot of insurance issues at the time, but the call eventually said “if you’d like to know the name of the prescription press 1″ and that is how I found out I was approved for Spinraza. There were still things to do before I could schedule. I had heard something called a Hammersmith test was required to be done by a PT to get approved, but I had been approved without it. Similarly, a CT scan was required to find an opening. The procedure is called a Lumbar Puncture. It is a process of injecting a needle between the vertebrae of the spine to pierce the neural foramen, withdraw 5cc of spinal fluid, and inject 5cc of Nusinersen, or Spinraza. Commonly people with SMA suffer from Scoliosis and require rods to be put in to straighten the spine. When this is done bone grafts are put in to help keep the spinal rods in place. This is a problem because the spaces between the vertebrae are covered by bone grafts leaving no way to directly access the neural foramen. There are multiple ways around this. They can go into the cervical spine (the neck), which is above the rods, but that can be dangerous as there are many important nerves and it is dangerously close to the Spinal cord. They can add a window. This means they perform surgery and cut a small square of bone out of the way. But, all surgeries have risks like infection or respiratory issues related to the chronic lung problems associated with SMA. Choosing the correct fix truly depends on the patient. While I called multiple times to schedule a CT scan, I was finally told that all of that would be handled the day of the first injection. The last thing to do was schedule my first procedure and prepare to make the long journey to Dallas. I don’t know what my results will be and I certainly won’t stop until I try. To be continued... Written 1/10-1/13

[princessvicky01]

The Antithesis of Nobility Part 3

Cullen X Kelandris X Annabel OT3 fic co written by me and @inner-muse

Part 3 of 4 - A VERY dark au centring on the two lady Trevelyan’s being held prisoner.  Love is tested to its limit as the torture of Kelandris and Annabel intensifies but can the Inquisition find them before they break?

Links to Part 1, Part 2 and AO3.

Warning: This fic contains violence, explicit torture and extreme angst - this is series is for mature readers only.

--------------

Part 3

Annabel wakes groggily from a dead sleep thanks to the churning rumble in her stomach. Her tongue is stuck to the roof of her mouth and she smacks it in disgust before fully remembering where she is. "Kelandris?" Her first thought is for her love, needing to know she’s alive and also there.

Slumped in her bonds, head lolling, Kelandris twitches at her voice. "'M’ here… How're you doing?" she slurs. "Too much t' hope that you're better than me?"

Annabel snorts in relief to hear her. "Been better..." she mumbles, trying to move but quickly giving up. She can just about make out Kelandris’s silhouette cast by the faint glow of the anchor. "Would be better still... if you didn't take your time to reply like that...you trying to give me a heart attack?" she muffles a laugh in place of tears. A basic defense mechanism she had learnt long ago to help hide wayward emotions.

"Don't see what's so funny... At least you get to lie down."

Distant footsteps mark the return of their tormentors. 

On the floor Annabel can practically feel them approach. The door scrapes, unbearably loud, making her winch, squinting she hopes against hope to see the guards boots, maybe with more water? But no, the sight of Sid's distinct heavy leather soles drains all the life from her. Light floods the room as the Lord enters behind with several guards.

Tristan smiles down at them both, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Hello, ladies. I do hope you've enjoyed your rest. You'll need your strength today..." he chuckles at his own joke as the guards file in. They cut the rope on Annabel's ankles and drag her to her feet, and carefully untie Kelandris to do the same. Kelandris is too stiff and cramped to put up much of a fight, but they keep a tight hold on her anyway. She's vaguely gratified that Tristan seems wary of getting too close.

Annabel hisses with raw pain as her feet touch the ground. Trying to balance on parts that aren't torn is near impossible. When she sees Kelandris hardly fighting back the embers inside her flare, and she elbows the guard holding her. Thrashing, she flings herself forwards as more guards press in. Kicking out her feet leave useless blood smears on their uniforms, while she screams in rage and pain. "Get your hands off her!"

At her shout, Kelandris tosses her hair out of her face and bares her teeth. She struggles harder, sore muscles protesting violently, but to no avail. 

The guards haul the pair of them out into the hallway and over to the next room, with occasional punches to knock them off-balance when they get too feisty. This dungeon is much bigger and much better stocked, crammed full of all manner of nefarious equipment. Torchlight flickers over dark wood and jagged metal; the chains dangling from the ceiling cast ominous shadows on walls littered with blood stains.

Annabel's thrashing stops on sight of the cell. It seemed that things could get worse and her natural cheerful disposition was crushed under the weight of sheer dread. "You can't..." she mumbles. The looming pressure is too much and she roars, lashing out. "I am Lady Annabel of House Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste and I demand you release us at once!"

The guards wrestle her onto one of the tables and strap her down. Arms, legs, chest – when they're done, she can barely squirm. Tristan gives a deranged little giggle. "I can do whatever I want. Who's going to stop me? Your inquisition isn't here. Is Andraste going to smite me down, ‘Herald’? I don't think so." He finishes securing her himself, tightening a strap across her forehead, and stroking her cheek gently, she replies with a snap of her teeth. An empty gesture but all she can manage.

She pulls the new restraints until she’s physically trembling with the effort. The anchor flares, if ever a human had crossed the line into demon surely this was it, yet it crackles but does no good. "The Inquisition will come and they’ll bring the might of the Maker with them! You will curse the whore who gave birth to you once they're through!"

 Undeterred Tristan ignores her to watch Kelandris, fighting frantically, straining to get to Annabel – or maybe just to throttle him. One guard staggers away, clutching at a broken nose; another yelps as a flailing knee connects with his groin. Finally, though, they manage to slam her to her knees against a metal crossbar, locking her wrists in place. She twists to look over her shoulder, snarling, but her eyes widen when she meets Annabel's terrified gaze. "Stay strong, love," she croaks, "We will endure this. We will."

Now Annabel is fully immobilised fear rushes up, clenching her chest and every muscle, her eyes dart to Kelandris. "No matter what just know that we win - because he can't break us!"

Sneering, Tristan digs his nails into the burn on her throat. "Weren't you listening, little tramp? I can do whatever I want. Sid!" The other man is standing by another brazier at the side of the room, a lot grander than the last one and housing a small bubbling cauldron.

Sid equips thick gloves while Annabel watches from the corner of her eye. That can't be a good sign. Whatever is in the pot hisses and spits as he lowers a ladle. Carefully, he walks around Kelandris. Her eyes widen in horror when she sees what's coming, and then the torturer dribbles molten oil onto her shoulders to run in patterns down her back.

At the first touch of scalding liquid, Kelandris keens, spine arching. The pain is like a living thing, pulsing as it burrows deep under her flesh. No matter how she writhes, she can't stop it from trickling slowly down, sprouting blisters in its wake… A single drop rolls down her front, between her breasts, leaving a tiny trail of stinging burns; most, though, cascades over the vulnerable expanse of her back. A thin sheen of oil lingers on her skin, holding in the heat. The agony is ceaseless, inescapable, unrelenting; like claws down her spine. And when his ladle is empty, Sid returns to the terrible cauldron, dipping up another boiling spoonful. Maker, no!

She can hear Annabel snarling like a wild beast behind her. The anger and fear in her lover's voice shake her more than the dreadful anticipation. Were they doing something terrible to her, as well? Or was she, herself, the cause of her distress? “Annabel?” she says, hoping both to reassure and be reassured. I can endure this, I can, she wants to add, but when she tries to glance over her shoulder it pulls at her burns, twisting and stretching the abused skin. Another tidal wave of pain crashes over her, and instead all that comes out is a cracked whimper. She sounds desperate, weak, and Maker, she hates it— No. No, I am strong, I must be strong! I will not break!

Annabel is barely holding herself together, rage and terror combining into an entirely new emotion which she cannot name. Bile stings in her throat as her heart hammers loud in her ears, demanding she act. Commanding her to fight. She thrashes, bounds pulled so tight they cut flesh wherever they hold her. "Kelandris! - I...it..." Her quick tongue has deserted her while her breath comes sharp and shallow. "It's going to be fine." She lies. To Kelandris and herself. She lies, because her mind can’t cope with the alternative. "Though all before us is shadow, the Maker will be our guide..." Another bitter lie.

“We shall not— fuck!— not be left to wander th-the drifting roads of the— of the beyond…” The words help steady Kelandris through blinding pain. A second cascade of oil leaves its marks on her back; it was near impossible to get the words out without devolving into wordless yells – but somehow, she completes the verse. It's a triumph, a tiny victory amidst all the horror, achieved only through Annabel's support. Together, they could get through this.

Annabel recites the prayer along with her love, calming her own heart and lungs as she did before battle, loosening muscle groups in turn until she could hear over her pulse once more. She only hoped the familiarity helped Kelandris.

Focusing on the rhythmic cadences of the Chant Kelandris squeezes her eyes shut. Her rekindled thread of defiance flares a little brighter as they speak, despite the ever-increasing agony. They'd be alright. Just as long as she could stay strong, for herself and Annabel. Pain is nothing; pain would pass. Love is everything.

For all her resolve, though, there's only so much her body can endure. She's braced for another dribbling pour, for seemingly endless torment in slow motion. This time, though, the torturer simply flings the contents of the ladle at her. Boiling oil splashes across her chest and shoulders in a sudden, nigh-unbearable onslaught. For a moment, everything else is overwhelmed by pure, unadulterated agony.

Kelandris screams.

 That's it. The scream shatters the calm Annabel had been desperately trying to build. Her mind has returned and she shrieks at the Lord. "You have us, and this? this?! is what you choose to do!? No..." she growls, defiant, refusing to believe it. "What do you really want. Our love? Our devotion? I would treat you as a god if you just stop! Please!" She was not above begging, not when it came to those she loved. Nothing came above those she loved. Not being the Herald, not the Inquisition, not the greater good, not even the Maker himself could trump her loved ones.

Hearing her desperate pleas Kelandris squeezed her eyes shut, tears seeping from beneath her eyelids. The frantic edge to Annabel's voice is terrifying. She should never have to debase herself like that, especially not for her.

Tristan scoffs. "And you expect me to believe your sudden change of heart? When you've done nothing but spit and curse and pine over her?" He gestures angrily at Kelandris and begins to pace. "I want you to regret every second you ever spent mooning over each other when you could have had me instead!" He whirls on Annabel. "Tell her you never loved her. Tell her you love me. Tell her you've always loved me, you will always love me, you'll never love anyone else except me!"

“Annabel...” Kelandris slurs, heart aching, “D-don't give in. S'just pain. Doesn't matter how much I scream... still love you, and C-Cullen— just need t' wait for him…”

“I'm sorry,” states Annabel. She lets it hang for a moment, hoping Kelandris knows it’s for her, and that Tristan's delusions let him believe it’s for him. She buries her feelings as deep as she can to keep her voice steady. “Kelandris was just a little fun. An experiment. I never knew you had true feelings for me. If I had known…” she sighs. “Things would’ve been different. I always did like you Lord Tristan, hence the teasing – I guess… I guess I just never knew you felt the same?” She does her best to look at him.

Below her, Kelandris's heart turned to ice. No, she thought. It's pack of lies. She knows that. She knows it. But hearing the words from Annabel's lips… After all these years together. After so much.

A lump rises in Annabel’s throat as her insides squirm, trying to prevent what she knows she must say. “I never loved her, not truly, or Cullen. If you let her go, me and you could start fresh, somewhere new,” she forces her lips into something resembling a light smile.“I'd like that, Tristan. I love you.”

“Annabel!” Kelandris chokes, feeling like her frozen heart has been ripped from her chest. Her lover had caved, had broken, and it was all her fault. Never blame yourself for what that little shit does, she'd said, but how could she not? Annabel was giving in for her sake. She'd failed her. If she hadn't screamed— if she'd just been strong enough—

Tears have formed in Annabel's eyes and begin seeping down her face. "Just, please, let her go," she begs. Nothing else mattered. He had given her a chance to save her love and she would take it. She would bleed it for all it was worth, for the smidge of hope it presented. Pride was long gone, erased by the overwhelming need to have Kelandris free, happy, safe.

Tristan smiles slowly, coming back over to brush a thumb tenderly across Annabel’s cheek, wiping away a tear. "There, there, my dear," he croons. "I knew you'd see sense eventually." He glances at Kelandris. "Does that make you jealous, Lady Kelandris? Not so enamored of your little slut, now, are you?"

Silence. 

Kelandris doesn't trust herself to speak – if she opens her mouth, she'll start begging for Annabel's forgiveness. Take it back, she'd say, We'll be alright, I'll be alright, let me bear this for you, please, I'll do better this time… She's quiet for long enough to raise Tristan’s suspicions. His eyes narrow, nails digging unconsciously into Annabel's face. "I asked you a question, Kelandris."

She wrestles with herself for a few heartbeats, until despair hardens into fury. And then, “I love her,” she says, quiet as death. “I love her more than anything or anyone in this world except for Cullen, and I love him more than anything or anyone else except Annabel. So you can go BURN IN THE MAKER'S FIRE, YOU FUCKING SHIT!” The sudden roar tears at her throat and reverberates around the room.

"Kelandris!" Annabel snaps aggressively, before the echo even fades. It might have been the first time she’s ever raised her voice to her. “Give it up! He wants me…” The next words lodge in her throat, stuck behind a sob. She forces them pass her lips with tears streaming down her face. “...And I want him.” Once she's said those ugly words, though, her eyes dart to Kelandris, burning with love she couldn't fake before returning to him. “Please… now just let her go, let us start again.”

He has no chance to respond, Kelandris is already yelling again. “Tristan, you despicable mewling quim!” Annabel's rebuke had struck her like a lash, but she would rather die than see her lover forced to submit to such a worm. “You can't have her! I don't care what you do to me, if you want to rip my fucking flesh from my bones, I will shove my broken fingers down your throat and suffocate you with your own blighted liver before I let you take her from me!!”

Tristan had observed Annabel carefully as she spoke, his expression flickering from suspicion, through anger and smugness, before finally settling on an ugly sneer as he rounds on Kelandris. “Ripping your flesh from your bones?” He repeats icily. “That can be arranged. And as for you, you sniveling bitch—” he pins Annabel with a furious glare. “You will pay for your lies. If you think I will let the two of you play me again, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Eyes widen as Annabel realises all too late her efforts have failed. She’d degraded herself, she’d spoken the most horrific lies she could imagine and it hadn’t been enough. All her words had done was made things worse. Bitterly she curses herself. How many times had she be warned her mouth would land her in trouble someday? How many times had she scoffed in reply? Would she never learn? It didn’t matter, she realises heavily, she had let Kelandris down, nothing else mattered.

“You’ll never understand,” she mutters, feeling foolish for daring to hope he might. “Our love is unbreakable and you’ll never experience that, because you're not worthy of it,” she says, her voice snide and bitter. Whatever hope residing in her faltered in the wake of despair which now swept through.

Sid moves around the back of Kelandris, in his usual grim silence, uncoiling a leather whip. He cracks in the air by her head, testing it and tormenting her; both women flinch. Blessed Andraste, that was going to hurt. Without ceremony, he snaps it across the blisters of her back. 

Broken skin tears away in a brutal stripe; to say it's painful would be like provoking a High Dragon and calling it an inconvenience. For a moment, Kelandris can hardly breathe – and yet, she does not scream. She bites straight through her lower lip, choking on an unvoiced cry and a mouthful of blood… but she will not scream again.

The sound of the whip is enough to make Annabel jolt and curl her toes. She would sell her soul to a demon if it would end this… but there never seemed to be one around when you needed it. “Kelandris—” she cuts herself off. What could she possibly say? What if she just made things worse?

Between strikes, Kelandris whimpers, shaking her head violently at Annabel – if she opens her mouth to speak, she knows her tenuous control will shatter.

Annabel could not bare it. Unable to escape she shuts her eyes tight and turns inward, to happier times, and slowly an idea forms. “We’ll wake, either side of Cullen, panting from this nightmare. He’ll stroke our hair, the way he does, even though his own curls have fallen loose. Eyes full of concern, he’ll tell us it's ok, it was just a bad dream. We—”

Her words are cut off by the whip lashing down again, followed by a desperate sob. Annabel flinches, but continues her litany undaunted. “We will snuggle closer, arms wrapped over each other, warm and peaceful. I’ll tenderly kiss your lips and tell you I’m sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Cullen will chuckle that I'm apologising for a dream and kiss us on the forehead…”

Another terrible crack. Annabel's voice wavers, tears streaming from behind closed eyes, far beyond caring about showing weakness. “...Warm and soft, I will pepper you with kisses, ignoring the roll of his eyes as he lays back with a sigh. I will whisper my devotion to you, to him, to no one else. You will wipe away my tears and I will squeeze your hand. I will joke we should’ve known it was a dream when I shouted at you – as if I ever could!” She chokes back a stifled laugh that's more like a sob. “And the three of us will pray: though all before me is darkness, I will not be left to wonder—”

Tristan interrupts her stream of comforting words with a snarled “Enough!” He’s staring at Annabel, fists curling and uncurling, practically green with envy. "Leave her," he barks at Sid. "I want to shut this whore up." Kelandris twitches at that, letting out a strangled noise of protest. Better the torment be hers than Annabel's...

 A jolt of fear opens Annabel's eyes and sets her heart racing, but, stubborn as a druffalo, she sneers. “Fuck you!”

Tristan smiles nastily. "I wouldn't waste your breath if I were you. It will be in rather short supply soon." Behind him, Sid has coiled up his whip and stalked across to the counter again, busing himself with something unseen that makes a sloshing sound.

The noise is new and unwelcome. "What—" Annabel's words are cut off abruptly, as a dripping cloth lands on her face with a wet smack. Spluttering, she tries to shake her head, but her restraints make it impossible, suddenly panic begins clawing up her throat.

Kelandris has sunk deep into a haze of agony, but her lover falling silent mid-sentence is alarming enough to rouse her. Unclenching her jaw with a whine, she rasps, "Annabel?" There's no answer from behind her, just the splatter of falling water. Heart pounding, she wrenches her head around to look, despite the pain. Sid is standing over her love, slowly emptying a jug of water over her face... "Annabel!" Kelandris cries out again in anguish.

Water floods down Annabel’s throat, filling her empty stomach. Within moments she begins to gag, spluttering on bile and water. She writhes against the bonds, panic consuming her. There’s no air! Her lungs demand she breathe, but she can't. Every nerve inside her screams. Overwhelming primal instinct sends her body into frantic spasms. Her heart runs wild, pounding blood resounding in her head – she has to to hold on! Her chest heaves as she coughs, throwing liquid out only for it to be forced back in. Her lungs burn as she chokes, retching; the world darkens, fading to black around the edges, until she finally goes still, unconscious.

When Kelandris hears Tristan snap, "Don't kill her, you fool!" she slams hard enough against her manacles that something goes snap in her wrist. The horrible sounds she'd been making— Blessed Andraste, please let her be alright!

Sid lifts the cloth from Annabel and punches her in the stomach, winding her hard enough to force the water from her saturated lungs. Coming to she throws up water in a violent gush. Nothing has ever felt sweeter than her first drag of air. Coughing she spits out even more, her lungs jagged but grateful.

She’s only given a few seconds of respite before Sid covers her airways again. Annabel slams her mouth shut this time and tears at the bindings. Squirming her face she wishes she could close her nostrils, but she can't and water stings as it trickles in.

Terror grips her core once more. Gagging, coughing, struggling, she thrashes, pulling muscles and breaking skin. She can't breathe and nothing else exists. A voice in her head is screaming - she must breathe! The demand resounds in her skull, until finally she can't resist any longer – but her desperate gasp brings water instead of air. The way her lungs burn, it may as well have been fire.

When Annabel starts to choke in earnest, they remove the cloth. Tristan strokes her arm soothingly while Kelandris flinches as she sputters, whispering her name once again. "Maker, though darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light..." she grasps at another verse of the Chant, hoping desperately that her love will hear and be comforted, the way she herself had been.

Tristan casts her an annoyed look before easily talking over the weary mumble: "Nothing to say, Annabel? Now you see the price of your lies..."

Annabel's throat is raw, pain radiating from deep in her clenched chest, still retching, eyes watering as consciousness struggles to return. She can faintly hear Kelandris and the familiarity brings a degree of comfort. She can barely speak but knows her love must be worried, she must say something. Tristan is looking at her, almost adoringly; she manages two croaky syllables. "Fuck...you..."

He huffs, sickeningly soft expression instantly turning hard. "I think we've heard enough from you, slut." He grabs the wet rag and stuffs it roughly in her mouth. She protests as much as her restraints allow, not that it does any good. She stares Tristan down with seething look so cold it could kill, though her streaming eyes diminish the effect.

He glances at Kelandris, smirking at the bloody welts and blisters coating her back. "I'll let you enjoy the quiet. Leave the lying harlot with some entertainment, won't you, Sid?" said Tristan before he sweeps out of the room. 

Sid looks between them, considering, then grabs a pot and hangs it from one of the dangling chains above Annabel which she carefully watches with dread. He empties another jug of water into it, where it promptly starts beading from a crack in the bottom. He adjusts it until drops land squarely on her face and then follows his master out.

 The first drip of water jars her with panic, her lungs greedily sucking air in response. Maker not again. Her mind whirls, threatening to spiral into panic, but it's merely an annoying drip. Frowning, she sets about trying to loosen the gag. After considerable effort she manages to shove the rag out of her mouth. Immediately, she sucks in a ragged breath, deeper than she ever knew possible. Every drip on her face makes her flinch, still, but at least she can breathe properly, now. Once her chest is calm enough, she hoarsely calls out, "Kelandris?"

Her lover jerks in surprise, then hisses in pain. "Love?"

Relief floods Annabel. "Praise the Maker—" her body cuts her off with a wracking cough. "I… I'm so sorry..." she whimpers. She tugs against the restraints, only bringing fresh pain – she needs to hold her, to look her in the eyes and make sure she knows the truth. "I saw a chance…" she murmurs. "I tried… I'm so sorry— I love you. I had to try..."

Kelandris swallows, struggling with tears of her own. She's so exhausted, and she hurts so much... Never do that again, she wants to say, to beg: Please, I love you so much, I would bear anything to never hear you renounce me again... It would be so easy to just let go, to let Annabel comfort her. The thought fills her with self-loathing – her lover was in far too much distress already; she would never forgive herself for adding to her burdens like that. So instead she shoves aside her pain, locking it away with all the rest. She couldn't afford to be weak anymore.

"I know," she mumbles instead, "I love you too."

The words ease Annabel’s guilt a little. The dripping is becoming increasingly aggravating but at least it washes the tears away. She is exhausted to her very core, she has torn muscles she didn’t know she had and has ripped open the bloodied ribbons of her feet. After an extended silence there is only one question on her weary mind. "You will forgive me, won't you? I had to try..."

The only acceptable answer to that question is 'Yes, of course,’ but Kelandris can’t force it past her lips. Not without some sort of reassurance. Not with ‘I never loved her, not truly’ still bouncing around inside her head.

"I... I want to, I will, but I need a promise— I can't stand to hear that again. I know you were just protecting me, but I c-can't— I'd rather take the torture—" She bites her tongue to stop the flow of words. It seemed she wasn't strong enough to reassure Annabel properly, after all.

"You know I would never...could never... mean those things I said. I love you and Cullen more than anything. I would do anything...that’s the point. You have to understand - I had to! What choice did I have?!" Annabel demands.

"I know! And I know it hurts to watch me suffer... But you have to trust me when I say I can bear the pain! What I can't bear— even knowing it's lies, is to hear you talk like that. Promise me you won't do it again. Please." She closes her eyes, tears leaving tracks down her face.

Annabel's eyes sting with the effort of new tears. "He might have let you go..." even as she mumbles it she knows it’s stupid and wrong. As if he ever would. "... I lied for you Kelandris! I'd tell a thousand lies to save you...I'd...."

She’d heard the strain in Kelandris tone and bitterly realises she is trying just as hard to convince herself as her love. Two parts of her lunge and lash out, ripping chunks from each other and almost tearing her clean through. Truthfully she would say the worst things imaginable and degrade herself further still if it might save Kelandris. Equally she couldn’t bare to be the one to hurt her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask; if I wasn't so s-selfish..." Kelandris whimpers.

“No, don't be sorry! It’s my fault for being fucking stupid, grasping at anything that looks like hope...I promise. I won't fall for it again. I won't hurt you like that again - I won't say those things ever again." 

"Not stupid! Never stupid..." Kelandris can feel herself losing consciousness as her injuries catch up with her. "Thank you... S'alright. Love you. Will always... forgive you..."

"I love you too. I'll make it up to you, when we get outta here," Annabel murmurs. "I always do." Kelandris is silent. She can just barely make her out, slumped in her chains with blood running down her back – passed out from pain and exhaustion. Annabel's eyes flutter closed as well, only to snap back open as another wretched drop plops down onto her nose. It takes far too long for oblivion to finally claim her.

 Skyhold

“We found them,” Leliana said without preamble, stalking into the war room. There was no need to ask who she meant. “They're alive.”

Cullen relaxed for the first time in days. “Thank the Maker!” he exclaimed. At the sight of the spymistress’s bleak expression, though, he sobered, his burgeoning smile fading before it began. Trepidation replaced his relief, settling cold and heavy in the pit of his stomach. “...But?”

“There's no way to say this kindly,” she began, shadowed eyes hard beneath her hood. Bracing himself, Cullen nodded, and she gave voice to his worst nightmare. “They're being tortured.”

He heard Josephine gasp, but it was distant, barely audible over the pounding of his heart and the echo of phantom screams in his ears. No. No! Someone said his name. There was a bang; he realized he'd punched the table when his hand started throbbing.

“Where?” He grated. His voice was harsh in his throat. He didn't like that voice – it was the way he spoke on the bad nights, when he woke up from dreams of blood, tasting bile and demon ichor, shouting Kill them! at the top of his lungs— He shook his head, violently, as if he could dislodge the memories from inside his skull, and forced himself to take a breath. Falling apart wouldn't help. He tried again, a little steadier. “Where are they?”

“A hunting lodge in the foothills of eastern Orlais. My agent got close enough to eavesdrop on a patrol, but it was too well-guarded to infiltrate alone. With a few more scouts, though—”

“I'm going.” He would hear no alternative. He glared from Leliana to Josephine and back in open challenge, daring them to question him. The spymistress hesitated, drawing a breath as if to speak, but Josephine stepped in before she could do so, dark eyes flinty.

“If there were ever a time for excessive force, Leliana, I believe this is it.”

She acquiesced without complaint. Ambassador and Commander exchanged a tense nod of understanding, and the three advisors bent over the map to plan their assault.

-----------------

Thank you for reading - Is it dark enough yet? Likes/comments and reblogs welcome although we know its not for everyone!

[tenerewell]

Hand Foot and Mouth Illness: Manifestation & Remedies

I always prefer natural treatments for disease when it's appropriate considering that they typically reduce disease (rather than simply alleviate signs). Hand, foot, and mouth illness (odd as the name might be) is simply another disease that is typically best had the tendency to at home.What Is Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease?Hand, foot, and mouth illness (HFM) is a viral infection typically triggered by the coxsackievirus. It has to do with as major as a bad cold or influenza (read: not that major), except for in really unusual cases.However, hand, foot, and mouth illness is highly contagious and really uneasy and undesirable for children. HFM generally affects children 5 and under, and often as old as 10. Sometimes adults may contract HFM, although it is usually milder.The incubation duration of HFM(the time in between contracting the infection and developing signs )is 3 to 6 days. HFM is most contagious in the very first week after symptoms begin but can be infectious throughout the incubation duration and for days and weeks after recovery.It is essential to note that hand, foot, and mouth disease is not the

same as foot and mouth (aka hoof and mouth )disease, which is an unrelated disease affecting farm animals.Symptoms of Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease HFM can be puzzled with strep throat

or chicken pox so keeping an eye on signs is

important.Early symptoms include: fever sore throat reduced cravings basic sensation of being unhealthy A day or 2 after the fever begins, painful sores

can develop

in the mouth(

which might develop into

blisters ). Flat, red sores or a red

rash often appear on the hands and feet too( they may also appear in the knee, elbow, genital, or butt areas). These sores/rashes may turn into blisters and are typically uncomfortable but not itchy.Because the sores in the mouth can cause kids and infants to not wish to consume, dehydration is another possible side impact and something to look out for.While hand, foot, and mouth isn't really normally dangerous, in uncommon circumstances viral meningitis or sleeping sickness might accompany HFM. In addition, some kids who get hand, foot, and mouth end up losing their fingernails and toenails as they recuperate-- a little alarming!-- however this is usually short-term and nails grow back quickly.(In moderate cases, this might be the only indication that there was an infection to start with!)Ways to Prevent Hand, Foot, and Mouth Hand, foot, and mouth illness spreads through body fluids and close individual contact. Kids in child care settings are more most likely to contract HFM simply since they remain in

close quarters with other children(and children have the tendency to put everything in their mouths!). If someone in your social circle or family has HFM it's a great idea to go into prevention mode for the rest of your family. Wash hands regularly and avoid contact with ill individuals and infected items( like tissues ). Additionally, unique breastfeeding secures against HFM infections, inning accordance with one study.Other ways to ward off hand, foot, and mouth infection are: healthy diet Immune-Boosting Remedies for Hand, Foot, and Mouth HFM illness is a viral infection, so antibiotics will not work(and might be hazardous). Because HFM is often moderate, treatment is more about making the patient comfortable and

supporting the immune system.Hmm ... I have some natural solutions around your home

that do simply that!Hydration Since dehydration is a big concern, getting the kid enough fluids is one of

the first things to think about. If the child isn't up for drinking due to the fact that of the mouth sores, attempt using homemade popsicles made with coconut water

or elderberries. The coldness of the popsicle must assist soothe the

sores and get much required fluid into the child. Electrolyte drinks, organic teas, coconut water, and bone broth are other methods to enhance hydration.Healthy FoodsFood isn't a huge concern throughout disease(it's more crucial for the body to focus on recovery than on digestion)it's still essential to stick with the highest quality nutrient-densefoods that the kid can stomach. Bone broth is one fantastic example as it can be relaxing to the throat and mouth but also consists of a lot of nutrients. Another food that can have a huge influence on recovery is coconut oil as it's antiviral and can help combat the infection (great for healing mouth sores, too). Prevent acidic foods that can aggravate mouth sores further.Herbs Almost all herbs have some medicinal usage but some are much better matched for kids than others. Herbs with antiviral properties that taste excellent are best for kids who have HFM or other viral infections. These include: There are numerous other antiviral herbs however they have stronger tastes. If you're not sure if your kid will accept the strong taste, consider using a tincture rather. A tincture can often be masked with a good spoonful of raw honey. Other immune-boosting herbs that can be used in tea, cast, or food are: cinnamon thyme garlic mint oregano

basil rosemary Idea: Add more robust herbs (like oregano and rosemary )to bone broth rather of a tea for a much better flavor combination.Supplements While a health problem isn't constantly the very best time to press the maintenance supplements (particularly if the client is having trouble swallowing), I find that additional probiotics and

vitamin C

are an

exception. I

likewise

keep bee propolis on hand for myself and older kids when sick as a natural very first defense.Detox baths A great warm detox bath may help soothe sores and reduce discomfort while eliminating impurities from the body.Reduce the Fever or Not? I do not typically recommend decreasing a fever, given that a fever is the body's finest defense against viral invaders.Despite what some think, a fever of less than 103 degrees will not trigger brain damage and a fever from an infection will generally not exceed this temperature, unless other factors are present(like high ecological temperatures). In truth

, a fever is an excellent sign that the body is doing what it should!If a fever is 103 to 104

degrees and I know it's not the outcome of poisoning, severe bacterial infection, heat stroke, or toxic substances, I personally find it best to wait it out and keep an eye on signs. With this and all medical decisions, it's important to

do your own research, talk with your physician, and consult your intuition so you can feel confident in your decision to wait or not wait.The Bottom Line on Hand, Foot, and Mouth Illness HFM is a fairly mild health problem(however unpleasant and undesirable)and will generally run its course in a week or 2. In the meantime, support the

immune system with healthy foods, supplements, and antiviral herbs to ease signs and speed healing.Has anyone in your household ever had HFMD? What assisted?

Source

https://wellnessmama.com/367957/hand-foot-mouth-disease/

[fuel7hubcap-blog]

Let' s discover how to perform a cut-throat evaluation - and how you can use that information in your advantage.

Why will you need the reasonably competitive analysis? Creating a prosperous Digital Marketing Agency Miami

needs recognizing your clients plus their soreness things intimately. And that is step one. And part two is understanding how your competition are handling their requirements (if they are) and exactly exactly where prospects might exist for your organization.

Marketing values info: Don' t be unethical!

Before I go any further, I want to declare a thing in advance. This amazing write-up is meant to instruct you on how and exactly why to perform a reasonably competitive investigation. It' s not designed to inspire or perhaps hint at some thing harmful. Stealing - no matter whether from your rivals or maybe your nearby neighbors - is unquestionably by no means interesting. Remember to don' large t get it done!

Exactly what is an aggressive investigation?

Given that we now obtain that out of the way, let' s go into the subject at your fingertips: cut-throat evaluation. Just the thing cut-throat research?

The competitive analisys is usually a formal technique for analyzing what your competitors are up to. And in this situation, we' lso are discussing a qualitative analysis, not necessarily a quantitative or charge assessment. You' d examine stuff like their product, their marketing solution, their clientele, their pros and cons - and exactly how all those can become threats. This will tone the same as a SWOT physical exercise - and that is for your factor. SWOT (which represents Advantages, Flaws, Options, and Dangers) and Cut-throat Reports are similar concepts. They' lso are promoting cousins, so to speak.

The key reason why: the many benefits of doing a reasonably competitive investigation

Using a prosperous cut-throat analysis, you appear at what the other males are accomplishing, and, moreover, what to do in remedy. A competing evaluation pulls any person away from the myopic bubble to discover just what exactly else is taking place in the world … to think about a step rear and evaluate your results.

Below are some other important things about performing a reasonably competitive evaluation:

Get a enjoy of your sector scenery . Find out what more is out there - furthermore where customers could go whenever they don't decide on you. Any person or perhaps your predecessor probably achieve this when your provider or merchandise was initially concepted. This isn' with an one particular-and-carried out exercise, although. You need to regularly keep close track of the competing scenery.

Satisfy the require. Ultimately your personal goal for a internet marketer (or RAnd D workforce fellow member) is to look for a niche (or chasm) to top off a requirement that isn't' money t already staying achieved. To develop a goods and services that buyers want or need - and expertly sell it in ways that garners the most visitors. Accessories related to Marketing and advertising , a textbook when things advertising and marketing that is located with my bookshelf, words it as a result: " The quest for a development chance - or some sort of very competitive gain - demands a knowledge not just of buyers but will also of opposition. "

Get ways to get new customers - or hang onto the kinds you possess. During an extreme assessment, you get time to take into consideration buy and retention. As an example , how will you be competitors succeeding customers or retaining these? Evaluate their customer loyalty courses as well as acquire-backside practices. Also take into consideration all that you could do today to gain clientele from your opposition and take over much more sector write about.

When you should perform the cut-throat examination

There are a number of times to carry out a cut-throat assessment. Perhaps you' re introducing a new system and need to learn ways to strategy this. Might be your manufacturer is feel stagnant and you require concepts. Or even, maybe it' s simply a straight down time in your marketing timetable and you must do more credit score job. Regardless of the event, I just motivate one to conduct aggressive reports one or more times or a second time a year.

How to carry out a very competitive review

Now let' t end up in the how-tos.

Primary, capacity aside your competition and name them. In an effort to perform a very competitive review, you need to know who your rivals are. For people with a list, terrific. Go get hold of this. If they are not - or maybe you' re releasing new things and don' t however have your rivals ID' d - let' s stroll by way of a few questions to assist decide them: Who more does specifically what you' re carrying out, or seeking to do? Who may be the closest competitor? Also think about a lot less noticeable rivals, including brands or items that could not reproduce your service, still can experience similar in develop. And even look at people as their purpose is identical ample - or people who have an identical ethos. Take into consideration that they might create a potential future risk should they produce some thing totally new.

Following, IDENTIFICATION their good and bad points . Here is where SWOT is available in. Practically take note of every competitor' s identity and product, then operate a smaller SWOT in it.

Take note of the specifics. What type of promotion activities are usually the competitors jogging - plus in specifically what routes? What key words could they be utilizing? What apparent search phrases could they be keeping away from? Take note of your findings. You can make very interesting developments listed here, so get precise remarks.

Get yourself a very little help from your good friends - along with the Net. You don' t should do this all exploration all on your own. Go to your co-workforce, by way of example , the people on the R& G team who created the product or service you' re in charge of promotion. It' t likely that they' ve attained related very competitive study though concepting and creating the merchandise. Get hold of that can substance. Also, if you' lso are likely to put in the work, you can actually availability an abundance of buyer-authored and manufacturer-written info on the internet. As you may know nowadays, today' s shoppers complete a ton related to pre-perform ahead of they come to a decision. Basically I merely does this precise dilemma: I' m considering a completely new meals food processor and put in a good chunk of your energy and time performing research online before you make your choice. I check the product or service explanations, critiques, and end user reviews. We paid off awareness of all the info - the excellent, the actual bad, as well as unappealing.

Like a marketer, you should utilize that will very same facts and method to obtain idea of what customers want and exactly how your opposition are responding. For instance , lookup competitors' testimonials along with their social networking rss feeds. Listen closely each to what men and women are stating and how manufacturers reply. Most of these major places could possibly be time-taking in so that you can mix up thru, but produce precious effects.

Change your homework inward as well as make testimonials. The top aim of any competitive investigation will be to stronger position your own personal item unlike the rivals. The moment you' ve found your rivals and what they' re performing, flip your concentrate to your own personal company or product or service. How do you - or could you possibly - do points in a different way? Exactly what are your strong points over theirs - and differentiators? For thoughts, invert towards your SWOT right here and look at the " S" and " O" groups exclusively. What get you learned, and what is it possible you try out? You should definitely make use of a information for good. It' s really worth reiterating: Once you' ve finished your projects, you will probably have a great playbook of the genuine competition does as well as how they are doing this. Now' s the moment to place your own personal bright white head wear rear on furthermore help remind your own self along with your fellow workers great organization procedures. Ideate ? don' t replicate.

Formalize your discoveries. Have copious notes, and sketch them right into a structure that you simply as well as your associates could use. It may possibly be like this unique:

Commit 1 web site (or slip) for every competition/product or service.

On each web page notice the competitor' s brand and also the specific solution name. Have a fast SWOT grid. Notice 3 top notch-degree discoveries.

Inside your main point here, review your discoveries and suggestions.

Don' t forget about to increase all the night out of the analysis; quite a bit can modify in some many weeks, so it' ersus helpful to notate when reports have been conducted.

Perform creates best

At the first try you execute an intense evaluation might be shaky. Individually, We wound up with a laundry washing listing of producers, merchandise, and notes. As soon as I actually experienced the work out more scenarios, I got much more of a beat utilizing the thing i was trying to do - and precisely exactly what data I needed. Similar to nearly anything, apply helps make ideal (or perhaps forces you to more comfortable).

For added bonus things, seem to be exterior your personal rabbit pit. Try out performing a very competitive investigation for any fully unrelated provider or market. Such as , if you' re the internet marketer for software, pretend quite that you' re marketing and advertising the specialty garments range. Or carry out a reasonably competitive examination for your store espresso sequence, or even an e-studying technique, or … the number of choices are unlimited. I would suggest performing these physical exercises to generate exercise along with the create of competing examination, but additionally to acquire mindset in addition encouragement. You can even might like to do an competitive examination connected with an business or online business that you will wish to function in. That way you may have it in the rear pocket whenever you safe interviews!

[patrickamadeu]

Tips to Naturally Reduce Stress … Starting Now!

Stress kills. No, really… Even if a person has all the other factors right, high levels of stress can derail health. Unfortunately, just knowing stress is a problem doesn’t fix it. If you’re like me, the need to reduce stress just adds another item on the “to-do” list. Laundry… check. Dishes… check. De-stress… not so much. While I’m far from perfect at this step in my own quest for better health, it doesn’t stop me from searching for answers… Reducing Stress: The Silent Killer You can eat all the healthy organic food in the world and take all the best supplements, but if you’re stressed, it will undo it all. Chronic stress keeps stress hormones elevated, suppresses the immune system, and can put you at higher risk for heart disease or cancer. If high stress levels continue over extended periods of time, this puts you at higher risk for many diseases and can shorten your lifespan. Elevated stress hormones will interfere with the body’s ability to properly digest and assimilate food and even lowers insulin sensitivity, which can lead to weight gain or pre-diabetes. Factors besides just mental or emotional stress can create the same physical reaction. Toxins from our food, water, and air can create a stress reaction in the body, as can an unhealthy diet or lack of sleep. What Causes Stress? Physical, emotional/mental, or chemical factors can trigger stress reactions. Bad news for us, since these sources are abundant these days! So why does everyone seem to be so stressed out? There’s a lot of factors, but several come to mind: Poor diet – We have a wide range of processed food to choose from these days, grown from soil significantly lacking of nutrients, which makes the body think it is in famine mode. Concentrations of toxins – These come from food (Diet Coke anyone?), personal care products, and the environment around us and they cause a legitimate stress on the body and can interrupt normal bodily functions. Emotional stress – If you’re a parent, you’re familiar with this one I’m sure! (If you’re pregnant right now, probably even more!) Research also shows emotional stress can follow us from childhood. Physical stress – This can come from obvious factors like injury or trauma, but also from less obvious sources like lack of good fats (which are needed for proper hormone production), constant input from digital devices, and lack of sleep. (Repeat: lack of sleep can cause physical stress!) Add up all these factors, and it is quite logical that we are under more stress these days than when life or death situations (like invaders, wild animals, or famine) presented themselves daily. The truth is, we don’t know how to get rid of stress … because we don’t know how to fight a threat we can’t see. What is very visible and definitely not a figment of the imagination is the negative effect stress has on our physical health. What Stress Does to the Body As I mentioned before, stress causes tangible physical reactions in the body that prepare it for dangerous situations. This is the classic “fight or flight” response designed to make us stronger, faster, and more resilient in the face of a threat to our physical safety. This response is appropriate and valuable in the case of true danger (like a bear about to eat you or Hun invaders riding over the horizon). In order to achieve the burst of strength needed to outrun said threat, the body turns off some normal functions. This is why stress can suppress seemingly unrelated factors like fertility. For instance, the body uses progesterone to manufacture cortisol in the adrenals during periods of stress. Progesterone is also needed for the body for successful ovulation and hormone balance (not to mention carrying a pregnancy). Ovulating wouldn’t be a priority for someone running for her life, but for a woman with chronic low level stress who wants to conceive, this can be devastating. In these periods of chronic stress caused by not sleeping enough, not eating quality foods, inadequate exercise, toxins, and/or mental/emotional stress, the body will let certain aspects of health deteriorate because it thinks it is keeping you alive in a period of danger. (Even if the danger is just being late to the pick-up car line or a missed deadline at work!) What Stress Does to Hormones The stress reaction is controlled by hormones and the endocrine system that produces them. This system functions as a whole rather than in isolated parts, and so chronic stress affects much more than just the adrenals. An overabundance of adrenaline and cortisol can interrupt other hormones like serotonin, melatonin, and fertility hormones (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, luteinizing hormone, follicle-stimulating hormone, etc.) and cause problems like anxiety, depression, insomnia, muscle problems, infertility, and menstrual disturbances. Prolonged stress also contributes to aging and weight gain, which no one is a fan of! Weight gain around the mid-section (especially in women) is actually often a symptom of impaired adrenals and the low progesterone that results. When Stress Made Me Sick It’s confession time. Think I have it all together? The truth is, no one does. Stress and sleep are the big gaping holes in my own health. Sure, it’s easy to write about them, and I know what I need to do to optimize them, but with little ones, homeschooling, a blog, a podcast, and getting healthy meals on the table day in and day out, the execution is often difficult. And even if what’s on your plate doesn’t look exactly like mine, I know if you’re a mom you practice an equally challenging (read: rewarding, glorious, exhausting, infuriating) balancing act every day. Several years ago, my stress materialized in a way I couldn’t ignore and reached a level that drastically impacted my health. Here’s what happened… Facing a Family Threat It all came to a head when my husband had an emergency appendectomy. The doctor said his appendix had likely been calcified since childhood. The original surgery required a 2-day hospital stay (and it was the first time I’d left my baby overnight). He came home and felt awful for another week. He was still in pain, wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping well, and couldn’t do much of anything but lay on the couch. At his follow-up appointment, the doctor discovered my husband had developed a secondary infection that he’d picked up in the hospital during his surgery recovery. They found an abscess where the appendix had been and drained about 8 ounces of puss from it. They put in a drain that stayed for about a week. A culture of the puss revealed 4 types of bacteria (picked up in the hospital) including the flesh-eating bacteria c-diff. This time, he had to stay in the hospital for 8 days, and was on IV broad-spectrum antibiotics every 6 hours. (I cringed for his poor gut every time they brought them in!) For me, this meant another week of being away from the kids, and in the hospital with him. When I started getting a sore throat and flu-like symptoms, I was put on an antibiotic too, to make sure that I hadn’t picked up any of his resistant bacteria and that I wouldn’t carry it home to the kids or my nursing baby. He finally got discharged from the hospital, and both of our symptoms were clearing up, so we got to go home. He was still under the weather and hadn’t been able to work for about a month thanks to the surgery and infection. I was taking care of the kids, the house, and him, plus trying to keep up with both of our work deadlines to make ends meet financially. I was definitely stressed, to say the least, but I’d always worked well under pressure, so I brushed it off and figured I’d relax and catch up on sleep when things got back to normal. Until… My Body Said “Enough” Then, I started having numbness in my fingers, toes, and lips. My heart was racing. My blood pressure and pulse were high and my whole body shook. I called the doctor, since I’d had allergic reactions to antibiotics in the past and was afraid I was having an allergic reaction. The doc checked and told me that none of these symptoms were listed as side effects or allergic reaction symptoms to this antibiotic, and asked what my stress level was… I laughed… After a follow-up, it turns out that I was on the verge of a panic attack. The remedy? “Learn to relax and reduce stress.” (Yeah, right, I’ll just add that to my to-do list!) Since then, things have calmed down, my husband is recovered, the kids are sleeping normally again, and my blood pressure is back to normal, but my brush with it all really re-enforced how much stress can affect your physical health. How to Lower Stress and Start Feeling Better (Today) We all know that reducing stress is important to optimal health, but how do we do it, practically speaking? Since we can’t truly function at our best with chronic stress, this is an important factor to address in the quest for good health. 1. Eat Foods That Reduce Stress You’ve heard this one a lot if you’ve read anything else around here, but it rings true again. Poor diets full of processed foods, grains, sugars, and chemicals put a tremendous stress on the body. For many people (some experts estimate close to 85%) grains can put a huge stress on the body as they can cause an immune reaction, damage the intestinal lining, and lead to serious disease. Excess carbohydrates can cause this problem too, since the sugars in carbohydrates cause increased insulin if they aren’t immediately used as fuel. For a stress-reducing, adrenal-nourishing diet, focus on getting your nutrients from fresh, real foods in as close to their natural source as possible. Drink a lot of water and, yes … even avoid the caffeine. 2. Reduce Exposure to Toxins This step goes along with the step above, as unfortunately, our “food” supply can be a major source of toxins. If the body is in a state of stress, the liver and kidneys are also not functioning optimally, making toxin removal slow and ineffective. Other sources of toxins include chemicals in toothpastes, personal care products, deodorants, medicines, and cleaning chemicals. Our exposure to large amounts of plastic, especially plastics that have been heated in the microwave, can also cause toxic build up in the body. Top steps for reducing toxins include: using only natural beauty and personal care products avoiding plastics and storing food in glass drinking enough water to make sure toxins are being flushed out avoiding processed foods full of chemicals using only natural cleaning products avoiding environmental toxins like pesticides and herbicides 3. Get Enough Sleep Sleep is one of the most important steps in stress reduction, and most moms find the hardest. Historically, the body is used to sleeping when it is dark and being awake when it is light. When we stay awake long after the sun has set and don’t get enough cumulative sleep, we interrupt the body’s natural time for restoration and removal of toxins. The optimal time for regeneration during sleep is roughly between 10 P.M. and 2 A.M. Many people don’t sleep during part or all of this time, causing a backup of toxins and hormones in the body. The body also has a delicate balance of hormones and depends on serotonin and melatonin to regulate good sleep and alertness during the day. Lack of sleep or interrupted sleep can disrupt the balance of these hormones, making you groggy during the day and restless at night. Poor sleep can also (logically) lead to fatigue, brain fog, memory troubles, and additional stress on the body. Need some motivation to make sleep a priority? Listen to this podcast on why sleep is more important than diet and exercise combined. 4. Learn to Say No Another logical step that I’m guessing most of us are all bad at (me especially). I’m not just talking about saying “no” in a parenting sense (though that could be good too… I recommend “No, you many not eat that candy bar/Happy Meal/Ding-Dong/fill in the blank.”) Many of us have a commitment list as long as our arms, and the stress level to prove it. It is wonderful to help out whenever we can, but make sure you make yourself a priority and realistically evaluate what you can handle while keeping stress low and quality family time high. (Confession: I am really bad at this step myself and have resolved to do better this year!) 5. Exercise, Even If It’s Just a Little Exercise is really helpful in reducing stress in the body. It releases endorphins, helps the body regulate insulin, and improves hormone levels. Exercise also boosts your immune function and helps the body use up excess stress hormones. Try to mix it up and try weights and high intensity exercise instead of strict cardio. I use this 10-minute home workout to make it easy to fit in even on busy days. When in doubt, a vigorous 10-minute walk outside in the sunshine and fresh air is one of the best things you can do to lower stress and improve physical and mental health. 6. Get Enough Good Fats A low-fat diet can actually be a stress on the body, as it won’t have the raw materials it needs to function at its peak. Fats are present in every cell in your body and are necessary for enzymatic reactions and hormone production. There are many kinds of fats, and while your body will use whatever it has, some are certainly more beneficial that others, and some are flat out dangerous. Your body needs the right fats (coconut or olive oil, omega-3s, and fats from healthy grass-fed animals) to produce new cells, manufacture hormones, coat the lungs, for optimal brain function, and many other reactions. The body also needs quality fats to produce, utilize and store vitamin D, a necessary nutrient for immune function and disease prevention. 7. Take In More Antioxidants In the face of stress, the body compensates by speeding up adrenal production. This uses up the vitamins and minerals we take in at a much faster rate and can lead to depletion if not replenished with antioxidant and nutrient rich foods. You may want to consume additional vitamin C, vitamin E, magnesium, and potassium in times of stress especially. I list the best supplements I’ve found to help manage my stress in this post. I also like to use herbal teas for some of these nutrient needs especially in times of stress or illness. Green tea, yerba mate tea, and even peppermint tea contain high level of antioxidants and vitamins that may be beneficial for stress. Bonus: Sipping tea is often connected with sitting down with a good book or chatting with friends … good self-care activities that give you a break from the things stressing you out! 8. Talk to Yourself (and Others) It’s not crazy … we all engage in inner conversation with ourselves all day long! The question is, what are we saying? Stress is not totally objective. We can play a part in telling ourselves — to borrow some famous words — “every little thing gonna be alright.” A growing body of evidence on the positive health benefits of gratitude tells us that the more we emphasize the positive in our minds, the more our physiological responses will follow. This is one reason I take 5 minutes and journal 10 things I’m grateful for every day. Other ways to talk yourself into a better mental frame of mind: Acknowledge what you’re feeling, but counter it with a positive statement — even try this technique to retrain your response to incoming problems and stresses. Flip through a photo book of a favorite vacation and relive some of the experiences with the family or friends you shared it with. Share how you’re feeling with someone you trust — that sense of connection and support may put you back on the right track. Shape your environment by adding positive input and motivation. Hang quotes that inspire you, pictures of family that make you smile, and reminders of positive achievements. Bottom Line: Stress Doesn’t Have to Win It’s my hope that as moms we can beat the stress monster and create a safe space within the walls of our homes where there is enough time and we are enough. I’m not sure I achieve this every day (or even every week!) so if there are ways you’re making this happen in your home, please share with our Wellness Mama community… and help all moms know they’re not alone! Do any of these stress busters work for you? What are three ways that you’ve found help reduce stress levels in your life? Share below!   Enjoy this blog and join our 12 week transformation program here: www.PatrickAmadeu.com/evolution Read the full article