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mirandasidefics · 10 months ago

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But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 2

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 2 Summary: Lucien and Rhysand argue over Reader's imprisonment, only one cell is traded for another. Lucien reaches out to an unlikely alley for support in getting Reader free.

Word Count: 6.3K

Warning(s): Mentions of injuries, mentions of self harm, mentions of body issues/insecurities.

A/N: I was too excited to wait the full month so here is part two a bit early! I apologize that this gets a bit dialogue heavy at the end. I may fix it later. This is going to be a long slow burn fic with a lot of angst. This will also have crossover with some of the Crescent City characters. It also probably goes without saying, but this will not follow canon past the events in HOSAB. Comment on this post if you want to be included on the tag list.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 1

Seven days. Seven days he’d been arguing and advocating for her release with Rhysand. For seven days he listened to the same rehearsed list of excuses as to why Rhys wouldn’t budge in his decision.

“You and I both know that the gate to Velaris was sealed with blood magic. Only those whose blood is linked to the seal can pass through, which she shouldn’t have been able to do. On top of that we don’t know what world she came from. I’m not risking the lives of my family-my court, which includes you- on what equates to no more than a hunch.”

While the High Lord’s statements were reasonable and valid points, his insistence she remained confined in that dark and dank cell was not. Lucien hastily made his way down the main steps that lead into the catacombs, thoughts of his last spat with Rhysand swirling in his mind.

“Why do you care so much about what happens to this woman?” Rhys had questioned. Lucien had asked himself the same thing; but how could he say that it was less about her and more about what she represented? That when he saw her cowering form in the corner of that cell, images of Feyre, Elain, and Jesminda flashed through his mind. He had failed the two sisters. He had failed his first love. He would sooner have the Cauldron blast him from existence should he fail to protect another innocent female. He’d kept his composure standing in Rhysand’s office at the River House long enough. A simmering rage permeated the space as the raven-haired male stared him down. A silent challenge in the already tense atmosphere.

“How can you stand your own hypocrisy?” He seethed, “You sit there thinking of yourself so high and mighty, yet a simple human frightens you? You allowed Feyre into Velaris the second week she spent with you. You allowed Bryce into your home within minutes of her crashing into our world. Yet this human…this woman scares you so much you have her imprisoned in one of the most dangerous areas of your court?”

“ENOUGH!” Rhysand bellowed, his own violet orbs simmered with rage. Lucien felt his flames rise up and encircle his palms. Rhysand’s High Lord command held no sway so he continued.

“Are you that much of a coward that you could not have just asked her a few simple questions? You couldn’t have just looked into her-”

“I could not enter her mind!” Rhys’ breaths were ragged. “Something is protecting that mortal, and it is strong enough to keep me out. So long as those shields of hers remain impenetrable I cannot trust her. I must keep my mate and child safe.” Lucien scoffed, his fire dwindled. “Which is not something I can say I see you doing for your own.”

Lucien could still feel the cracking of bone and cartilage of Rhys’ nose as it connected with his fist. The argument surly would have resulted in them demolishing the entirety of the business wing had Azriel’s arrival not stopped the two males in their tracks. The Shadowsinger’s haggard appearance set them both on edge, but his words allowed Lucien to breathe a sigh of relief.

“I’m done with this Rhys. I cannot keep hur- I cannot do this… she knows nothing.” The High Lord merely looked between the Emissary and the Spymaster. Expression relaxed and revealing nothing, even as blood dripped over his lips.

“Bring her up to the Moonstone Palace,” the commanded was towards his brother, “Since Lucien is so smitten with the woman he shall remain with her there for the time being.”

Lucien soon found himself outside of her cell. Only darkness and cold emanated from beyond the door. He paused his own breathing, wondering if she was even still alive. The last time he saw her, she hadn’t hesitated to slice open her own skin. Azriel wasn’t far behind and pushed past Lucien to enter the room. Lucien’s breath remained caught in his throat as he took in the mangled sight of her.

You had no idea how long you’d been in the darkness of your cell. Hours had turned into days, but just how many days you weren’t sure. You had gone silent on what you assumed was the third day. You knew nothing of how you got there, and you had no idea where to begin when Azriel-who’s name you gathered early on-asked you about the world you came from. Its not like he would believe you if you said your world had no magic, at least not in the same way it was here. Then again, that was clearly an incorrect assumption on your part. And after everything that has transpired you determined that this was no dream. It was a nightmare come to life. You weren’t sure how much more your psyche could tolerate. Surely death would be better than the horrors that would plague your mind for years to come if you were allowed to live. You prayed silently to whatever deity would listen to let you die. You started as the metal hinges of the door screamed into the darkness.

“Mother above,” The horrified yet soft baritone drifted to your ears and you strained to open your eyes. You recognized the voice and Lucien’s warm body was immediately next to yours as you dangled from the ceiling. The male made quick work of the metal shackles holding your wrists high above your head, a bright light flooding the small space making you hiss. His large hand encircled your wrist and you could feel the skin repair itself. Lucien slowly lowered your arms down.

“Her name is (Y/N),” Azriel’s voice was barely above a whisper, as if he was ashamed of the space his normal speaking voice would take up in the small cell. As if what he said would break you further. Lucien held you up, warm hands around your rib cage holding you steady.

“(Y/N),” His testing of your name tentative, “(Y/N), my name is Lucien…I’m going to take you out of here.” His arms wrapped around you, and you could have sworn you felt your skin get warmer, the cold melting away like ice. His grip never lessened, which you were grateful for as you weren’t sure your legs could fully support your weight.

“Do you feel safe enough to come with me?” You couldn’t speak, couldn’t move your head in agreement. Couldn’t specify that you felt safe with him. You could only muster enough strength to cling to the front of his shirt, hoping it conveyed your trust towards him and him alone. Your eyes burned with tears. He shushed you as one of his hands rubbed up and down your spine. A footstep echoed in the chamber, and then you felt Azriel’s shadows attempt to wend their way over your bare feet. Your flinch was followed by a low warning growl, one that you felt more than heard.

“Follow me,” Azriel’s swallow was audible.

“Can you walk?” Lucien’s hand lowered to your waist, pushing you back far enough so he could meet your eyes. They felt swollen and your vision was unfocused and hazy, but you tried to keep them open so he could see that you would try your best. You shifted your weight back onto your heels and slowly slid your right foot in front of you. A lightning like bolt of pain traveled up your leg. Air harshly sucked into your lungs.

“I’ve got you,” his voice was reassuring as he continued to support most of your weigh in his arms. You took another step forward. Then another and another. His hands never faltered from their place on your torso as he moved himself to walk behind you. Ready and poised to keep you balanced and catch you should you fall. “Good girl,” he praised, “Let’s get you cleaned up so I can heal you yeah?”

The walk up from the catacombs to the palace proper was brutal. Your legs burned from the muscle strain and you were regretting not accepting help from Lucien while you bathed. However, the last thing you wanted was to have anyone see you naked. Lucien had helped enough with getting the large sunken in bathtub filled. The scent of vanilla and lavender contrasted with the grime and dirt that filled your lungs for the last week. You had specifically asked for the water to be scalding, wanting it to burn away the memory of everything that had been done to you in the dark. The deep cold that laced your bones was finally seeping out in the hot water. A soft knock rapped on the stone archway leading into the bathing chamber. Unable to move your neck freely you covered your chest and turned to face the male. He walked over to the bench set near the tub, a bundle of cream-colored fabric in his arms. Unless it was a bedsheet you doubted that any clothing he found would fit you. Then again, magic existed so its possible that the fabric could be altered instantly. He sat on the bench and set the garment next to the towel that awaited you.

“Are you certain that I can’t be of assistance?” He looked beyond you towards the open windows that overlooked the absolutely stunning expanse of wilderness below the palace. A darkened city jutting out from the base of the mountains the only thing that disrupted the sight. You were thankful for Lucien’s offer. Truly you were, and despite the feeling-knowing- that you could trust the male, your self-conscious nature surrounding your body was too strong.

“I-” You cleared your throat of the gravel you were certain had lodged itself inside from screaming against the rocky surface of your cell, “I’m good.” The vibration of your vocal chords felt like sandpaper as they rubbed together. He looked at you then and reflexively you squeezed your arms tighter around yourself; gripping your elbows as you dipped down into the water until everything below your neck was submerged. You were grateful for the tub size making you look small. It could easily fit two full grown adults and deep enough to reach your waist when you stood to full height. It almost reminded you more of a jacuzzi rather than a bathtub.

“Then I’ll leave you to bathe in peace,” He stood and clasped his hands behind his back, “I’ll be in the room just beyond these arches. Just call our if you need anything. I’m here to ensure that you’re taken care of.” You nodded your understanding and turned towards the side of the tub lined with soaps and lotions, his foot steps retreating against the stone tiles. While you had difficulty with your range of motion, you managed to rid yourself of the dirt, grime, and dried blood from your skin. Your hair felt silky, soft, and light compared to the heavy oily mats from not washing it for a week. You had also found a razor nearby and took the opportunity to shave, savoring the feeling that you were becoming a person again. Drying off was easier with the relaxed muscles. The vanilla scented lotion felt like heaven as it penetrated your dry skin. You surmised that the bath had really only removed one layer of nightmares as you scanned your form in the mirror on the opposite wall. Your eyes first saw the plethora of cuts in every size cover the expanse of both your arms, shoulders, and collar bone from the dagger-Truth Teller-that Azriel had used during your interrogation. Next you took in the dark red and purple bruise on the left side of your jaw. The discoloration spanning from the joint below your ear to your chin. It was a miracle that he hadn’t knocked any of your teeth out or broken your jaw from the force he hit you with. Eyes trailing further down you saw a second healing bruise, its blue-green hue spanning the length of your ribs on the right side of your body. Laying down on your side was going to prove difficult still. Finally, your eyes landed on the only injury that you yourself were responsible for. The shadows had played too many tricks on your mind, too many whispers promising to break you. The psychological and emotional pain was worse than the physical injuries and honestly became too much for your soul. Something in you broke. You still couldn’t figure out exactly how you managed to grab Truth Teller from him, too focused on plunging the black blade into your left inner thigh and dragging it along the flesh. You couldn’t reach your throat, so you had been aiming for the next major artery you knew of in the hopes that you’d bleed out fast, but Azriel was quick. His attempt to get the blade back from you pushed it away from where it would do the most damage. That was the last day that Azriel brought any form of weapon with him, and the last day he put his hands on you. Rhysand had only managed to stop the bleeding, but a large and deep jagged slice remained. Had you paid more attention you may not have doubted the guilt that lined his features as he worked to heal you. You didn’t want this to be real. You still held out hope that if you somehow managed to end your life you’d wake up on the cold concrete of the path leading up to your front door. You didn’t belong here.

You shook the memories from your mind and picked up the fabric on the bench. You expected the intrusive thoughts and nightmares, but you didn’t think that they would be plaguing you so immediately. You slipped on the airy cotton tank top and loose-fitting matching shorts. You were indeed surprised they fit as well as they did, let alone fit at all. Your bare feet padded along the cool stone floor and entered the massive bedchamber. The room encapsulated a warmth with its cream and ivory base colors. Splashes of blues, teals, and turquoise giving it a calming effect. The dark cherry wood of the four-poster bedframe provided an interesting accent color adding to the space. Lucien sat on an ivory colored couch that faced a white marbled fireplace. Sadly, the flames did nothing to help illuminate the space and only seemed to cast heavier shadows. You glanced around the room again and noticed that the bedsheets had been turned down for you, for whenever you were ready to sleep. But you knew you wouldn’t be able to get any real rest with your injuries being what they were. Rhysand had only stopped the bleeding in your thigh. He did nothing for the other injuries. So, Lucien stated he would heal those for you. Carefully walking over, you sat your self on the couch, keeping enough space for another person to sit between you and the crimson haired male. He turned towards you with a slight smile that quickly faltered as he took in your appearance. He moved closer towards you and examined every inch of your skin. His one real eye held no warmth even as a flame seemed to ignite the iris. He took your chin in his hand to get a better look at the bruise on your jaw. His touch was gentle, but even you could tell that the male was furious with what he saw.

“I had hoped some of this had been dirt,” He turned your head to the side, a finger tracing down along the side of your neck. A metallic scent permeated the air as the hand cupped the left side of your face, covering nearly the entire bruise. His gaze slowly traveled down to your shoulders and the cuts that littered and marred the skin of your arms and shoulders. The skin warmed and tingled under his gentle caress. His eyes paused at your torso, no words needed to understand that he wanted to see the injury to your ribs. You carefully gathered the material and lifted as high as your stiff shoulder and neck muscles would allow. His fingers traced the outline of the mark, and you cringed at the touch of his hands moving your fat rolls out of the way so his palms could lay flat against the skin. Embarrassment colored your cheeks. Lucien continued his healing wordlessly. He motioned for you to stand, grasping your calf and propping your leg on the cushion of the couch. Your inner thigh completely exposed to him allowing the full extent of your wound to be seen. You watched as skin healed almost instantly. His gaze then shifted to the healed scars on your upper thigh, near the junction where it met your hip. “Um…y-you can leave those,” you brought your leg back down to stand before the male, “Thank you Lucien.”

“You’re most welcome,” His smile didn’t reach his eyes. You started to pick at your already blunt nails, a nervous habit you used to ground yourself. You glanced around the room for the third time, almost not believing that you were no longer in the cold and dark. The white walls and bedding opened up the space.

“Is…is that for me?” You pointed over towards the massive bed covered in decorative pillows. Lucien’s red hair swayed with the movement of his head as he followed your gesture.

“The bed is for you,” He stood and walked over to the small bedside table to the left of the headboard, “As is this sleeping draft.” He picked up a deep cobalt vial, giving it a slight shake before setting it back down. You hummed and nodded, but didn’t move from your spot in front of the couch. It went without saying that the potion would be needed after what you experienced over the past week. And you would only feel guilty if you woke him in the middle of the night.

“There’s water for you as well,” His voice softened as he noticed your hesitation. You chewed on your lower lip. The sun was still up, but you didn’t know how its position revealed the time of day. Depending on the time of year and how far north, or south, on the planet you were, you estimated it could be anywhere from 3pm to 9pm. You supposed it didn’t really matter as sleep was sleep and you’d likely remain unconscious for several hours, Gods willing at least.

“I will be in the room next to yours,” He pointed over to a door opposite from the entrance to the bathing chamber, “If you need anything, anything at all you come to me. We’ll get you some food in the morning.” You nodded again as your eyes started to water. You didn’t want to be left alone, but you also didn’t want to take up his time more than you already were. So, wordlessly you forced your feet to move and made your way over to the bed. You crawled in under the blankets that had been moved aside. You grabbed the vial from the bedside table and uncorked the stopper. The scent of chamomile, lavender, and something unknown wafted to you. Before you gave yourself time to reconsider you downed half the contents and set it back down. Lucien was patiently waiting at the door and smiled his first genuine smile towards you.

“Goodnight (Y/N).”

“Goodnight Lucien.”

Lucien had answered all your questions, to the best of his ability, during your first day in the Moonstone Palace. He filled you in on the basics of the Night Court and Prythian. For each bit of information he provided about the land or himself, you matched it. He also informed you that while here, Rhysand insisted that you work on finding any potential information of your world and how to get back to it in the texts that he sent. A new stack of books was brought into the small library within the palace every morning. So far, your hours of reading yielded no results. Then again, you could only read a fraction of the texts given to you. Most were in languages that you couldn’t even begin to understand. Still you scanned the tombs for any words that even looked remotely similar to names of places within your universe. Sadly, all you could find was information related to a Midgard, which was frustratingly NOT the same as the mortal realm described in Norse mythology. Lucien then explained that they had already received visitors from this Midgard that were set to return to Prythian soon. You had gathered that one of them was Bryce, but you’d not been given names for anyone else.

In addition to the books you had also been gifted a small wardrobe filled with clothing in your size. It had been awkward when the half wraiths appeared to measure you. But you were provided with some simple dresses, pants, shirts, and under clothes. Nothing fancy, which you were grateful for. Lucien explained the clothes were an apology gift from Rhysand. You told Lucien that if the High Lord was truly sorry he could at least express as much to your face. You couldn’t complain in the grand scheme of things. Rhysand wasn’t obligated to house, feed, or clothe you. He could have easily dumped you in the Mortal Lands, leaving you to fend for yourself. Although, Lucien stated that he knew of two people that would have taken you into their care. Regardless, you did as Rhysand bid, reading for hours day after day and never asked for anything in particular.

Another two weeks went by and you and Lucien developed a little routine. Breakfast followed by hours of research. Then lunch and various exercises and tests to determine if you held any sort of latent magic. Lucien explained that his initial assessment of you that first day showed nothing, but that didn’t mean you were completely without power. Truth be told you felt he was keeping something from you. Then came dinner, after which you were free to spend your time however you wished. Mostly you spent time on the veranda studying the night sky, letting the wind caress your face and hair. There was one night you swore you heard voices held within the breeze. A song encouraging you that you would find peace again. In your world the night time hours used to provide a comfort, but here there was nothing familiar about the constellations that dotted the dark sky above. Instead, the lack of familiarity just made you feel all the more alone. It wasn’t that Lucien wasn’t good company, you just felt bad that he was stuck with you. He tried really hard to get you to relax and fall into the playful banter he likely needed to survive his own punishment. While he never said as much, you had gathered that his babysitting duty was linked to your release and apology from the High Lord. Lucien made your days easy, filled with witty remarks and a warmth that felt natural. An easy friendship had definitely taken root.

However, the nights were hard. You already suffered from extreme insomnia without the added fear of night terrors. So, your sleep cycle was suffering greatly. The first two nights were dream less thanks to whatever Lucien had given you. But the third night resulted in his bursting through the doors of your bedroom at the sound of your screams. As much as you hated yourself for feeling weak, you begged him to stay in the room. He obliged, of course, and slept on the couch. His presence helped slightly. It didn’t chase away the nightmares, but it did make the darkness that permeated the night more tolerable. You had never been fearful of the night before, having even preferred it to the hustle and bustle of the day. You had always the quite of the night to bring you a comforting serenity. But since your time in the cell…you insisted on a fire in the hearth and the faelights to remain lit, believing the light would chase away the shadows that plagued your dreams.

You felt bad forcing Lucien to sleep on the couch. But you also didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable if you offered to share your bed with him. He told you about his mate, Elain, and you felt even worse that your arrival took him away from her. Even if he explained that their relationship wasn’t what would be expected between mates after nearly 4 years of being in each other’s lives. So, you kept the offer to yourself.

Today started out like any other. Lucien and you sat down to a breakfast of eggs, toast and jam with orange juice. You never really cared for tea and coffee appeared to not be available in Prythian if your companion’s confusion was anything to go by. The only difference today were the two additional place settings.

“Are we expecting visitors?” You asked. You immediately wanted to kick yourself for asking what was an obvious question.

“Yes,” Lucien answered, pouring a cup of tea for himself, “I’ve asked some people to come and meet you. As much as I enjoy our time together, it seems that the High Lord still needs convincing that you should not be kept in a cell.”

“I’m not in a cell,” You countered. However, you didn’t miss the fact that his glare told you that your new cell was just a lavish one.

“Our guests may be able to help me make a stronger case for you to be able to move freely about the court, if not Prythian as a whole.” You pondered who he would have contacted. To your understanding, not many members of the High Lord’s “Inner Circle” particularly cared for the emissary. There was also no way that members from another court would be able to hold any sway over the inner workings of the Night Court.

“So, what do they need to know about me?” You asked, spiking the yoke of your egg. In the time spent with Lucien you were able to be yourself for the most part. You held back on your swearing, meme related jokes, and slang, but tested out your sarcasm and dry humor. One of the main things you were worried about was how to speak with others. While you had manners, you had no formal etiquette training. Something that Lucien found utterly hilarious when you asked for clarification on how to address him.

“Relax, its an informal introduction,�� His gentle smile reassured you, “Just be the sweet girl that I’ve come to know.” His smile widened. You gave him a doubtful look, tucking your lips into a thin line to suppress a laugh. He batted his irritatingly long eyelashes and the two of you broke out into a fit of laughter. While you weren’t cold or bitchy by any means, you also weren’t a sweet and demure woman either. No, Lucien quickly pointed out that you had a fire within you…at least on your good days. The laughter was cut short by the sound of a thud in front of you on the stone patio. Your eyes immediately tracked the large bat like wings and you stood from your seat. Metal and glass clanged against the stone as your thighs hit the lip of the table. Your chair knocked to the ground, causing you to nearly trip as you backed towards the metal railing. Blood rushed in your ears and your vision started to tunnel. Lucien was next to you in an instant.

“Hey. Hey," He gripped your right shoulder to keep you steady, “Shh, it’s okay. It's not him. You’re safe.” Your gaze remained fixed on the unknown winged male that looked on with worry etching his features.

“See what you did,” the voice of the female he’d been carrying was distant in your ears. Lucien’s other hand cupped your face, forcing you to turn towards him.

“Eyes on me (Y/N),” He encouraged, “Breathe. There you go.” Your eyes focused on his features; the jagged scar-raised and tight, the deep reds sprinkled amongst the warm honey brown iris. Your breath evened out, and you covered the hand on your cheek with one of your own to let the red head know you were okay. You took another breath and released Lucien. However, his hand remained on your shoulder. You turned back to the couple that stood on the opposite side of the space. At first glance, the winged male held features that you noted were similar to Azriel in regards to skin, hair, and eye color. Although, Azriel’s held more flecks of green than the honey gold of the male before you. The unnamed male was taller and broader, his shoulder-length hair softly jostled in the breeze. Your eyes wandered over to the female that was with him. Her striking blue-grey eyes would have reminded you of steel had it not been for the soft sadness that shown in them at your display. You hadn’t expected to react in the manner you did. Your heart still hammered in your chest. You cleared your throat and smoothed down the front of the simple sage green dress you wore.

“I-I must apologize,” You started, “I guess I…sorry.” You wrung your hands together and looked at your feet.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the female spoke up, "It’s this idiot’s fault. We should have given you a warning.” You nodded slightly in acknowledgment. Lucien’s hand trailed down your arm to your hand. He gave it a quick and gentle squeeze before he bent down to pick up the chair you’d knocked over in your haste to get away.

“(Y/N),” He motioned for you to sit back down, “This is Cassian, the General of the Night Court’s Illyrian army, and Nesta Archeron, Valkyrie, sister to the High Lady and fellow emissary.” Lucien gestured to each as they took their own seats across from yours.

“It’s nice to meet you,” You reached across the table, your hand extended to shake theirs. When neither returned to gesture you pulled back. “Sorry, I’m used to hand shakes as a form of greeting in my world.”

“So, you are from another world?” Cassian asked, scooping some eggs onto a plate and handing it to Nesta.

“Yes, we call it Earth,” you searched the table for a spare fork, yours having fallen to the ground. When you couldn’t find one, Lucien handed you his. You raised your eyebrow at him, but he just shrugged and began to spread a blackberry jam on his toast. “And before you ask, there is no magic, at least not the same as what you’re familiar with. Also, creatures such as fairies-the Fae- shapeshifters, vampires, mermaids, nymphs, and so on - are all non-existent. Just stories that have been reduced to myths.” The two regarded you closely, listening to your spiel. When they didn’t say anything you continued, too nervous to allow silence.

“I’m not sure how I got here. There are stories of humans traveling through portals into the realm of the Fae or other worlds, but they are simply stories. Ones made to keep children out of trouble or explain natural occurrences. All prior to finding scientific explanation, of course. Like the changing of the seasons,” You realized you were now rambling, “or fairy rings-rings of flowers or more often mushrooms…” The three non-humans stared at you.

“Don’t Lu,” you warned as the corner of the male’s full lips ticked up, “Yes, I talk when I’m nervous. Yes, I’m nervous because I really don’t know how I got here. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t understand why…I just…want to go home.” Lucien took your hand in his again, his grip reassuring and comforting.

“That’s what we’re all working on,” He assured, “There is a library that, should we manage to convince Rhys-”

“Wait, she can’t leave here?” Nesta interrupted, her eyes blazed. Cassian tensed in his seat and gave Nesta a warning glance. It was clear that not everyone knew of your predicament.

“She’s restricted to the East Wing of the palace,” Lucien clarified, “There are barriers up that she can’t pass through. Just like what Tamlin did with your sister.” If Nesta had been upset before, she looked down right lethal now. Of course, Lucien had filled in you in on what transpired with Feyre and his former home in the Spring Court. Cassian cleared his throat, his gaze falling to the other male.

“What is it you need from us exactly?” He looked to you, seemingly trying to figure out why you posed such a threat that you required to be locked away.

“I need your voice in your High Lord’s ear. I have no magic, and we’ve tried various ways to test that out.”

“Which you’re welcome to see,” Lucien interrupted.

“Yes. I don’t really know how to use a weapon, nor do I have much interest in doing so. And, as I already mentioned, up until a month ago I firmly believed that yo-the Fae were not real.”

“What did my brother say his reasoning was for holding her here?” The question was directed towards the other male.

“He can’t enter her mind.” Cassian’s surprise was not well hidden, “He believes that something or someone is guarding her-” It was your turn to interrupt your friend.

“If I was being guarded or protected, then whatever was responsible has already failed me,” Your voice was soft. A silence fell across the table, and most of the food had grown cold. You didn’t know what else to do or say to convince the General and the Valkyrie of your innocence. All they had to go on was your and Lucien’s word. Even if you were to demonstrate the exercise that Lucien put you through each afternoon with no results, how would they believe that you weren’t just pretending. A ruse to fool them. You desperately tried to quell the pinpricks of tears behind your eyes. You feared that if Lucien’s efforts failed you’d be sent back to the catacombs or worse left to rot on that-

“(Y/N),” Nesta’s clear and calm voice cut through your thoughts, “I’d like to hear more about where you’re from.” You nodded.

“What would you like to know specifically?”

“Let’s start with you. Your family, your up brining.” She leaned back in her chair, arms crossed comfortably in her lap. You swallowed and nodded again.

“I can do that.” You spent the next few hours pouring every detail of your life to the trio. Most information Lucien already knew, some he didn’t. You talked about your family and your friends. You briefly talked about your work and academic studies in music. This caught the oldest Archeron’s attention, which launched a discussion regarding your dissertation topic. The two males excused themselves as you continued to talk with Nesta. The topic changed to books and Nesta promising to bring you some of the spicier romance novels that she found to enjoy the most on her next visit; to which you were grateful as you desperately needed a reprieve from only reading books provided by Rhysand. Cassian and Lucien eventually returned as you made a raunchy joke that had you and the female High Fae laughing loudly.

“It’s time to go Nes,” Cassian set his hand on her shoulder. He looked to you and smiled. The expression was genuine. After spending the few hours you did with the male, you had concluded that he was much less frightening than the other Illyrian. At least for the time being, that is. Nesta rose from her seat and joined her mate.

“I will speak with my sister,” She told you, her features hard with determination, “It’s not right that you’re kept any where against your will when you’ve done nothing to justify imprisonment.”

“Thank you,” You smiled, “I hope to see you both again soon. I’m certain this fool is getting tired of having to entertain me.” You gave the male a wicked teasing grin. Cassian let out a booming laugh as ‘your fool’ placed his hand to his chest in mock offense.

“And here I thought you loved my company,” He stated. You laughed as you stood to join him at the patio entrance.

“Yeah, yeah,” You brushed him off, the smile still plastered to your face. The two of you said your goodbyes and watched as the guests flew off in the distance.

“I think that went rather well,” you looked to Lucien, “Don’t you?”

“Yes, it did,” He held his arm out for you to take, “Cassian agreed to speak to Rhys. He said that he and Nesta would allow you to stay in their home or at least help you get in and out of the library.” You hummed in response as you slipped your arm around his. Your mind wandered, and you felt lighter than you had since you’d been here. He walked you to your room and began prepping the couch to be his makeshift bed for the evening. The sun was quickly setting, and you hadn’t noticed that you spent the entire day talking. You paused near the entrance to the bathing chamber.

“Lu?” he hummed, looking up at you while shaking out the quilt. “Thank you, for everything.”

“Of course, sweet girl,” You rolled your eyes at the term of endearment.

“That’s sticking now isn’t it?” His russet eye brightened with mischief.

“Now that I know it irks you, yes.” You leveled a glare at his to which he just laughed. You huffed a breath.

“If you’re just going to be mean, you can leave,” You stuck your tongue out at him as you made your way into the bathing room. He continued to laugh as he excused himself to his own rooms. When he returned, you were already snuggled in your bed, breathing deep and steady.

Next: Part 3

Tag list: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower

#acotar x reader #azriel x reader #lucien x reader #acotar fanfiction #lucien vanserra x reader #plus size reader #lucien vanserra x plus size reader #azriel x plus size reader #BHINfic

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here-to-read-and-write · 2 years ago

Note

Team 141 seeing female reader take off her shirt to train with her friend and seeing she has scars all over her body because she was tortured (burned, knife cuts, bullet wounds, whipped, ect) and reader having a visible pack (I don't care how many packs)

And the boys feeling sympathy for her but also blushing at her body ☻️🤭

You can decline if ya want I don't mind

Should I make Konïg, Las Vargas maybe even add Graves and Valeria versions?

TF 1-4-1: Ghost, Soap, John, Gaz.

don't forget to leave request!!! please!

warning: Torture, no details given. Horny men...little innocent reader, English isn't my first language, my writing!

It was a hot day, and luckily the team didn't have any mission. So they were chilling in the training ground.

It was intimating to see a group of tall and build men sitting and staring at the horizon. Weird too, isn't it? but not when you follow the line where their eyes were so focused on.

In the distance, you stood. Back straight up, as your friends chat with each other. You, on the other hand, were standing waiting for something.

From under the shade, they could see all your expressions, or rather the lack of them. At least, they could admire the stars in your eyes, your pouting plump lips.

It wasn't strange for the TF 1-4-1 to admire you from afar. It became a habit they picked. If you give them a chance they will worship the ground you walked on, not like they aren't already.

They just don't want to hide it anymore, but for now, it will do until you notice their efforts, then maybe things will be different, it all depends on you.

"First, it will be (Y/N) against (your friend's name)" Queu to a groan and a few complaints, while you emotionlessly walked pulling off your mask, and your t-shirt. Leaving yourself bare with only a sports bra as a cover.

It caught the 1-4-1 off guard, especially Ghost, who noticed the ghost's hands, each one holding a breast.

Here comes the train of unholy thoughts.

It sends waves of arousal to warm their stomach and crawl up their spine, as they drank in your form. Each curve, each scares, every inch of you was been craved in their minds.

The men turn away shifting from one foot to another uncomfortably trying to ease the blood rushing down there if you know what I mean.

Some were rubbing their eyes and faces as if it was trying to get rid of the image of you standing there... In only a bra and military pants, but we both know that they were craving it in their mind for later. All for everyone to see, causing a fit of jealousy to bloom in their chest.

Damn you and your body. They thought. Fighting the strong urge to relieve themselves, which could be only done in the bedroom away from prying eyes.

Here comes another unholy thought.

Didn't you know the effect you had on them? Or maybe you know, either way, you really need to stop teasing, or punishment may be the only way for you to understand what you made feel.

They all groaned, for god's sake, they were grown-ass men, not some high school girls stalking their crush.

Fuck!

Why their pants are getting tight?

It was weird for you to show some skins, not like you didn't look great. You looked more than great, but after one horrifying mission, you stopped showing even your hands.

Ghost was present with you that day. He had to watch unable to do anything, as they torture you over and over again for days, and the scars on your body were proof of what you had been through. You screamed still hunting his mind, verytime he closed or opened his eyes.

He blamed himself every second of the day, because if he had listened to you and didn't leave you alone, you may have been able to fight the enemy together, and neither you nor him, would have been captured.

You ran a hand through your hair, before putting in a high ponytail. Getting in your position and the boys remarked how your eyes were closed. You didn't even open them when your friend was attacking you left and right. You avoided all attacks, without breaking a sweat. As if you sense his movement, your movements were smooth too. Much different form military training.

Price, unlike the others, was more interested in your abilities Why are you lying? he had read your files. All he could say that is he was impressed. He tried getting you on his team, unfortunately, you had taken two years off the military to heal from your last mission.

He had heard from Lasweel, that you looked like a mummy when the doctors were done. They say it was a miracle that you survived, sadly, the scars will be forever graved on your body, just the memories in your mind.

Now you were back, with a few rumours lit up like fire in the woods about you. They were all absurd of course, yet some seem to believe them, resulting in them avoiding you like the plague, but you didn't seem to mind. Actually, he had noticed how agitated you become when you share the same space as someone else.

You are always tensed and on guard, whenever someone was talking to you, the only person who you seemed to ease around was Soap, who the moment notice your packs accidentally when you were training together, was stuck like the glue to your side.

You never pushed him, you responded to every question he asked, like patient parents with their children, and somehow you were able to understand his weird choice of words, and even then you spoke few words, only listening and humming along the way.

That gave Gaz some courage, to try and talk to, and boy did he feel bad!

Gaz was one of the people who believed the absurd rumours. He found them to be real. You never tried to prove him wrong, until, he sat by your side, as you prepare something to eat.

Soap had practically dragged him, to meet his crush you. For a movie night. You didn't speak much, you just listen attentively to each word that comes out of Soap's mouth, and he could a crossed smile, even it was small each time Soap throw a joke, no matter how bad it was.

He watched you all night eyes only focusing on you. In his mind, he was watching waiting for one wrong move, while his heart was memorizing each part of, each move and the reason behind it. Maybe that's how he knew you well.

You didn't do anything that night that proves that you were the person in the rumours. You weren't arrogant, and even with the little emotion you had shown, he was able to conclude that you were a good person, just broken.

That's how you become close with Gaz, not like how you were with Soap but enough for you to salute him or pat his shoulder or head. Which always flustered him.

A few minutes into the fight with your friend and you already tackled them. You, on top of them, hand behind their back comfortable setting on their back.

They start wiggling under you, and for a moment 1-4-1 halted in their movement eyes intensely watching your breast bounce.

"Fuck" they cursed under their breath. They knew it will be better to leave, yet their body refused to obey their brain and move.

You turn to get your shirt and gear and leave when you saw 1-4-1 standing under the shade. You politely waved but none of them seems to notice you, from where you stood, you could see the tips of their ears red, some were hiding their faces between their arm supporting their weight with the metal bars in front of them.

You, being the innocent female lead, you titled your head, worried that the sun may be the cause of their redness.

You took the bottles before walking to them after it you offered them to them. They all took it gratefully before shrugging in down.

You escorted them back inside, as you watched them walking. You took notice of the awkwardness in the air, with a hint of ginger and peppermint. You knew what it was.

They were scent caused by sex pheromones, so why do they smell like that?

Oh, if only you knew!

#cod mw2 x you #cod x reader #ghost x y/n #ghost x reader #soap x reader #soap x y/n #price x reader #price x y/n #john price x reader #captain price x reader #gaz x reader #gaz x y/n #xreader #variousxreader

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morning-star-joy · 1 year ago

Text

baby, it's Halloween, and we can be anything

a stranger's heart without a home chapter 17

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Dina drags you out to Jackson's first Halloween dance. Joel begins to realize some things after a conversation with an unlikely person. Your night with Joel ends up going in a new direction.

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Explicit Smut (18+ Only MDNI) oral m receiving, unprotected p in v sex, lowkey hints of soft!dom Reader, yes ma'am kink, praise kink, edging/orgasm denial if you squint. Jealousy from both sides (nothing too intense), Angst, Mutual Pining (holy shit they got it so bad), Language (as always)

A/N: Finally!! Time for chapter 17!!! I've been so excited for this one since I wrote it. Can't wait to hear what you guys think. Sending y'all love!

Wordcount: 12.7k

chapter 1 || chapter 16 || chapter 17 || masterlist

ao3 link

Even though October was long, the days were short, and the nights relaxing now that you had started to trace the constellations for your Little Star again.

Instead of shutting down immediately whenever you thought of her, you started to make an effort to let the memories of her be there. And although there was still a strong, more than fair amount of pain that surrounded the images of her face in your mind’s eye, there was also a strange feeling of relief in letting yourself feel it, without wallowing in your guilt or shoving it all away.

It was the first fall in years that you got out of your house almost every day. You spent a lot of time at Tommy and Maria’s, though you went over to seek out the presence of your goddaughter more than the company of either of your friends.

Tommy began to huff in annoyance whenever you entered the house and made a beeline towards the stairs, throwing a quick greeting towards wherever the couple was before finding yourself in the nursery, lifting your goddaughter into your arms with a bright smile only the baby could draw from you.

“I used to be her favorite,” Tommy would mutter in frustration, to which Maria would roll her eyes.

“Don’t kid yourself, love,” she would respond, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek while you lifted Hope in the air, laughing along with the baby. “Dina has always been her favorite.”

But you hadn’t truly realized how much time was passing until your unopposed, well-known favorite person in Jackson showed up on your doorstep one afternoon late in October. Dina waved a piece of paper in your face, even as she moved it so quickly that you couldn’t even begin to look at it, let alone read it.

“Look! Look!” she said excitedly, and you tried to move your face to actually look at it as she continued to wave it around.

“I’m trying,” you huffed before trying to catch her wrist to stop her so you could actually read it. “Would you stop waving it?”

Dina laughed at your irritation, and you sent her a half-hearted glare before she finally stopped, holding out the paper so you could take it.

You glanced over it, eyebrows raising as you took in the information before handing it back to her.

“Cool.”

Dina scoffed at your noncommittal response, glaring at you as she repeated incredulously, “Cool? Really? This is the best thing Jackson has done in years, and all you have to say is cool?”

“Those things aren’t my scene, Dina,” you said, placing your hands on your hips and turning to watch her shimmy past you into your home before closing your door behind her. "They’re yours, and I’m happy for you. But it’s not for me.”

“Bullshit,” Dina brushed off your words with a wave of her hand, and you rolled your eyes, already knowing that she had a plan forming in that quick-thinking mind of hers. “C’mon, you’re the one who wanted me to get you all done up for your date.”

You scoffed, eyes wide with the accusation before you snapped back, “Excuse me, you’re the one who wanted to do that! Don’t push it on me!”

Dina rolled her eyes, dramatically collapsing onto your couch while she lifted the paper back up to wave in your direction again.

“We both know why you wanted to look super extra pretty that night,” she teased with a grin and a wiggle of her eyebrows, and you snatched the paper from her hand with a glare as the sound of it moving through the air began to get on your nerves.

“You know nothing, you little shit,” you muttered as you shoved her legs off the end of the couch so you could sit, but you didn’t protest or try to shove her off again when she set her feet on your lap, even as her boots got a few flecks of dirt on your jeans.

“Come on,” Dina drew out the words, flashing her best puppy-dog eyes at you, a look that she had mastered by now because, well, it was Dina. She never half-assed anything, and her natural charm was off the charts.

Still, you ignored her, staring down at the paper in your hands before asking casually, “Did Ellie draw this?”

Dina perked up instantly at the mention of the girl’s name, and you had to hold back your own knowing smile when she sat up straight.

“Yeah!” she grinned, leaning forward to point at the drawing of the dancing skeletons in the middle of the paper. “She drew a bunch of different ones to put around town. This one’s my favorite, though.”

“Oh, you got a super special edition from the artist herself?” you teased, unable to help a bit of a mischievous glint in your eye with the words, and Dina actually blushed a little before she collapsed back onto the couch.

“Yes, I am that important,” she replied with a confident grin, and you laughed quietly before looking back at the information below the illustration that described the event Dina was trying to strong-arm you into attending.

“Come on,” Dina whined again, nudging your stomach with her boot, and you protested loudly as the dirt began to rub off onto your shirt. You shoved her feet off, but she stuck them right back, laughing at your disgusted exasperation before she began to draw out the word, “Please?”

You tried to resist, but when she held out that same goddamn “e” sound that she knew grated on your nerves so much, you gave up.

“Fine!” you shouted, throwing the hand not holding the paper up into the air. “Fine, you win. We’ll go.”

Dina instantly began to wiggle in a happy dance, and you couldn’t help but grin at the endearing innocence of her excitement at the event.

“Okay, so,” she started, finally pulling her feet off of your lap so she could shift and sit next to you. “I have some ideas for costumes.”

So that was how you found yourself standing at the edge of the room, nervous gaze flickering over the gathered residents of Jackson for the first ever Halloween dance.

“I look stupid,” you murmured, subconsciously tugging at your clothes again, only for Dina to slap your hand away.

“Would you stop it?” she snapped, rolling her eyes as you shifted awkwardly for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “You look great.”

You shook your head, looking down at what you were wearing again with a wince.

“This dress is too tight,” you muttered, rubbing your hand across the fabric on your stomach before reaching down to tug the hemline down from where it kept riding up your thighs. “And too short.”

“Stop it!” Dina chastised, smacking your hand again, which you held to your chest with an agitated frown. “I searched high and low across Jackson for a dress like that. You will wear it, and you will know you look pretty!”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, but you couldn’t help a small, thankful smile directed towards your young prodigy.

“Thanks, kid,” you muttered, reaching out to fix the crooked fabric halo on her head, the finishing touch to her costume that you had both spent the last week creating, along with yours.

“Not as pretty as me, of course,” she joked, and you laughed as she did a little twirl, the white fabric of her dress spinning out around her with the motion before she grinned back up at you. “But you may be seen in my presence.”

“Oh, how fortunate I am,” you drawled, rolling your eyes with a smile to match her own as she giggled at her own joke.

You shifted to look back out at the room, resisting the urge to adjust your costume again as you scanned the group of people dancing, laughing and having fun. The cheer of the atmosphere was nearly infectious, but it hadn’t reached you yet, your nerves still bubbling in your chest while you glanced around.

“If you really wanna be secretive, you’re not doing a very good job,” Dina teased quietly at your side, and you looked back at her with a frown.

“What?” you asked, brows furrowed. You had an inkling to what she was getting at, even though you had been trying to ignore it so far that night.

Dina just shook her head, sighing quietly while she met your gaze with one that almost looked sympathetic. Your jaw ticked, quickly evading her eyes as they searched yours.

When you glanced across the room again, you relaxed when you saw a familiar face—not the one you were looking for, but it would do well to distract you from your young friend’s imminent questioning.

“Hey, I think your boyfriend wants a dance,” you teased, nudging her arm, and you looked back to see her rolling her eyes at your change of topic.

“Yeah, fine,” Dina sighed, sending her boyfriend a quick smile before turning back to you. “Just try and have a little bit of fun, okay?”

You didn’t budge until she pressed her hands together in a pleading gesture and added, “For me?”

Sighing, you gave a shrug of your shoulders along with a short nod. “Yeah, okay. My mission tonight is fun. Got it.”

Dina scoffed at your word choice, and you laughed as she flipped you off before moving towards her boyfriend for a dance or two.

After a moment of watching them with a fond smile, you glanced away, searching the crowds for the familiar face you had been looking for originally.

The one you had been searching for all night.

So when you caught a glimpse of those dark, graying curls, your heart skipped a beat in the same moment that your foot stepped forward.

You only managed a few steps towards him, though, before you stopped short.

Because Joel wasn’t alone.

He was talking to somebody.

Joel didn’t talk to people. Ever.

Your brow furrowed, glancing over him as he leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room, near the door. Had he just walked in? Maybe that was why you hadn’t seen him yet, if he had just arrived.

He was holding a hat against his chest—a cowboy hat? Had Ellie or Tommy managed to convince him to dress up? One of his feet was crossed and rested against his other ankle—motherfucking cowboy boots, you realized—with what could best be described as a polite smile on his face.

Which made this bizarre situation even fucking weirder.

Finally managing to tear your gaze away from that odd sight, you observed the person he was talking to. Long light brown hair that fell in waves and brown eyes the color of honey, she was beautiful, with a sweet, charming smile as she said something to Joel that made him—

You froze, watching as the familiar brown eyes crinkled at the corners, his chest moving with the laughter you could hear clearly in your mind, even as you stood from across the room.

Yeah, she’s nice. She has a great sense of humor.

Contempt would be a good way to describe how you felt in that moment.

Not towards Joel, though. Not even towards the innocent woman—because you knew she was innocent, knew that you couldn’t even blame her for what she wanted—who smiled back up at him.

No, towards yourself. Towards every feeling that stirred in your chest as it tightened. Towards your stomach as the butterflies turned to lead and it dropped to your feet.

Stupid, you thought bitterly, hating how much of a reaction it had gotten out of you.

Purely idiotic, the way you despised how they looked like such a good fit. Tommy’s words from months ago moved through your head so quickly that it began to spin with the doubts, the old fears, and you had to remind yourself that Joel hadn’t taken that out when you had offered it.

Absolutely foolish, how you wanted him to look at you instead, to somehow catch your eye across a crowded room. To see that knowing look in his eyes when you saw each other, the slight tilt of his lips into a secret smile, one that spoke to your arrangement and everything that had grown from it.

But he was looking at her, smiling at her, and you felt as ridiculous as a child, dressed in clothes far too large for her.

Or perhaps just somebody hopeless, wearing a skin that didn’t quite fit right just to catch his eye.

Spinning on your feet, you quickly walked in the opposite direction, making a beeline for the refreshment table as you tried to ignore what you had just seen, and how unreasonably it had hurt.

Joel held back a sigh, fingers tapping idly against the hat in his hand as he searched the crowd for just a glimpse of why he had let Ellie drag him along to this dance tonight.

He couldn’t help but feel similarly to when he had stood outside the Tipsy Bison that cold winter night almost a year ago, with the woman he hardly knew at that point standing by his side. Back then, it had been a tension, an uneasy feeling.

This time, it was most certainly self-consciousness.

He set the hat back onto his head, crossing his arms while he leaned back against the wall again. Esther approaching him was not something he had counted on tonight, but it had not been as unpleasantly awkward of an interaction as he had feared when he saw her walking up to him.

After a few kind words from her and an awkward attempt at an apology for not having the decency to contact her after one date, she brushed off his worries with a wave of her hand.

She told him that she had been seeing someone the past few months, and that Joel didn’t have to worry about running away with his tail tucked between his legs whenever he saw her. He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at that, embarrassed as to how she could tell he had been avoiding her. But what really surprised him is when she thanked him for his consideration and for trying to apologize, calling him a kind man.

Joel didn’t think he fell anywhere close into the category of being a “kind man,” but he appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

Now he stood at the edge of the room, feeling like he was fifteen fucking years old again at a stupid, godforsaken high school dance. He groaned quietly at the thought, his arms tightening across his chest as he scanned the room from underneath the brim of the cowboy hat again.

Tommy was here somewhere, wearing a similar hat, but he was feeling less and less in the mood for these festivities the longer he stood there, foot tapping as he waited to see what he came here for.

When he finally caught that glimpse, he nearly let out a sigh of relief, pushing himself off the wall and moving around the outskirts of the room towards the refreshment table on the other side, where she had been hidden behind the crowd of dancers in the middle of the floor.

However, when he finally got a full view of what she was wearing, he stopped in his tracks, frozen at the sight of her for a moment.

Or maybe more than just a moment.

Joel’s gaze was drawn first to her feet, the sight of those same damn heels she had been wearing on her date immediately sending heat across his skin. As his gaze dragged up her bare legs to that tight red dress, his breath hitched in his throat. That heat only increased when he scanned over her face and up to the little fabric devil horns she wore on her head.

At the sight of those, Joel couldn’t help but let a small, almost goofy grin cross his face.

Well, I am the devil herself. Am I not?

Her words, her teasing answer to the remark he had accidentally let slip once, echoed in his mind.

Once again, Joel found himself musing over how her very existence tempted him with everything he desired.

And yes, that included lust, but he was finally starting to realize, finally starting to accept that it included more.

So much more.

He cleared his throat, wiping the smile off his face quickly before heading towards where she stood next to the table at a faster pace, watching as she nibbled at a cookie in her hand. When he got close enough, and she began to turn towards him, Joel opened his mouth to speak before somebody stepped in front of him.

Stopping short, Joel stared at the back of somebody he didn’t recognize, brows furrowing as the man approached her with an air of casual confidence.

Joel shifted back on his feet, frowning as he glanced over the man’s shoulder to her face, seeing she was focused on this newcomer before Joel quickly turned to glance over the refreshments to distract himself from whatever was happening.

The unknown man greeted her by name, sounding far too casual for Joel’s liking, and he stiffened as she returned the greeting by speaking their own name smoothly.

“Been a while,” the man said, reaching across the table to pick up a cookie from the plate next to her, and Joel’s jaw ticked.

“Yup,” she replied simply, and Joel’s frown suddenly threatened to turn into a small, smug smile as he heard how disinterested her voice sounded. “It certainly has been.”

“I’ve missed seeing you around,” the man added, and Joel stiffened, his gaze still flickering over the same few plates of refreshments as if he was considering which one to take a treat from, even as his eyes weren’t seeing what was in front of him now.

Joel waited for her to say something, to brush the man off and send him home packing.

But she said nothing.

When he dared to look back over, Joel saw the man had moved slightly closer, standing in a way where Joel could see both their faces, and he stiffened as he saw the look in that guy’s eyes.

That look was one of desire, yes, but it was more than that. The way he looked at her body wasn’t from a lust for the unknown.

No, the way that man looked at her; the indifferent, fucking irritating, smug confidence he held himself with; the knowing smirk that she leveled her own equally knowing look at in response…

Her flings. I know she’s had a few here and there.

Joel stiffened, his blood running cold as he realized that this man who had approached her was one of those flings. More than that, the way he looked at her body in such a familiar way told Joel that he had most likely seen her entire body in the throes of passion.

Something even he had not seen.

Hand tightening into a fist, Joel hadn’t even realized he had begun to step forward until a force of nature in the form of a teenage girl burst from the crowd of dancers and bounded over to the woman who was still staring back at this man in front of her.

“Hey, come on!” Dina said brightly, grabbing the hand of her role model and tugging her out onto the floor. “You promised me a dance!”

Joel watched them go until they disappeared behind the other dancers, the man a few feet away from him doing the same until shifting away with a sigh of defeat.

It was almost tempting to smirk at the sound of that, but the uncomfortable, now familiar feeling of jealousy twisted in his gut again. Joel turned back to the refreshments, searching for a drink of some kind to distract himself from the complicated emotions he now felt.

As distracted as he was, he almost didn’t recognize the presence that had settled by his side until they spoke.

“There’s no drinks here,” the smooth voice said, and Joel swore under his breath, spinning around as they added, “Family friendly event.”

Staring up at him, a brow arched in bemusement, was none other than his sister-in-law.

Joel relaxed just a fraction at the familiar face before stiffening, remembering that this was the woman who he honestly feared just a tad bit, at least more than anybody else in Jackson—other than the woman who he shared pleasure with night after night.

“Maria,” he greeted, tipping his hat towards her in greeting, which she returned with a nod.

“Joel.”

The crease between his brow did not unfurrow as Maria turned to watch the dance floor, staying by Joel’s side with her arms crossed.

It was strange, and more than a little uneasy. Maria’s opinion about him was not a secret, even as their relationship seemed to have smoothed out somewhat with their monthly family dinners. Neither of them made much effort to overcome their differences, but they did at least tolerate each other’s presence.

And despite his personal grudges that went back to his weekly radio calls with Tommy that she had stopped, Joel respected Maria. He had no doubt that she was the reason why this settlement thrived as much as it did.

So it confused him why she seemed to have sought him out now, though Joel tried to ignore his trepidation as he reached out to grab a cookie before turning out to face the dance floor as well.

Despite his best intentions, his eyes began to roam across the dancers until he saw her, spinning Dina around a distance away, the two of them grinning widely.

Joel hadn’t even realized how much he had softened at the sight until Maria spoke up again.

“She’s the most vulnerable of all of us, you know,” she said quietly, and Joel’s heart stopped as he looked down at her. “She feels so deeply, whether it’s pain or love.”

Sparing a glance back up at Joel, she added, “Or both.”

Even though Maria didn’t say a name as she looked back at the dance floor, he was afraid he knew exactly who she meant, and who she was looking at. His heart began to beat fast in his chest, eyes wider than he would have liked when Maria sent him a sidelong glance full of disapproval.

“If you don’t want anybody to know, you shouldn’t look at her like that.” The words were blunt, as well as more than a little jarring, and Joel stiffened before quickly whipping his head back around.

Fuck, he curses internally, trying to build his guards back up in that moment, even as he began to realize that it was much too late for that now.

“Does Tommy—”

“He has no idea,” Maria interrupted before Joel could even find a way to phrase the question, and when Joel’s shoulders relaxed slightly in a quiet exhale of relief, her eyes snapped to the side of his face with a glare. “He’s catching on, though. Now that he knows for certain you don’t actually hate each other, he’ll start to put it together.”

Joel turned his head to look at her straight-on, his voice as hard as his gaze as he asked, “How much do you—”

“Nothing,” she answered his question again before he could ask it, and Joel’s jaw ticked in annoyance at how much his brother’s wife could read exactly what he was thinking. Had he gotten that soft recently, or was she just that good at analyzing people?

Maybe both.

“And I don’t want to know,” Maria added, lifting a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, as if the whole situation she had figured out made her head hurt. “Listen, Joel, I don’t need the details. All I need to know is that you’ve both spent the entire night looking for each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers, and it’s starting to get on my nerves.”

Joel stiffened, the choice of words sending a jolt to his system, and he opened his mouth to argue, “It’s not—”

“Shut up,” she snapped, and Joel instantly closed his mouth, back straightening as he knew Jackson’s de facto leader was not in the mood to take any bullshit right now—or ever. “Just listen to what I have to say closely, because I’m trying to protect you both here.”

Maria paused, searching Joel’s eyes for any hint of resistance. When she seemed to find none, her shoulders set back, gaze deadly serious.

“That woman has gone through hell,” she said quietly, voice hard with conviction and no small amount of care for who they spoke of. “You didn’t see her when she got to Jackson. She was a shell of who Tommy had told me she used to be. He struggled to get her out of bed for weeks. He fought to keep her alive and well enough to keep going for months. Years.”

Her voice was rising slightly before she took a deep breath, eyes closing as she composed herself, though Joel’s heart continued to ache, his stomach sinking with each word.

When Maria’s eyes opened again, they were softer before she continued, “I’ve finally seen her becoming the best, the healthiest and happiest that she’s been in years. So if you do anything, anything, to fuck that up, know that there is no corner of this town where I won’t find you.”

As Joel watched the blaze in his sister-in-law’s eyes, he began to realize who they really should have been hiding this relationship from all along.

Relationship.

That was the first time he had thought of it in that sense, and he stiffened as the realization hit him.

“You know she’s just as likely to pull away from me, right?” Joel finally found himself saying, though his voice wasn’t argumentative. Simply stating a fact.

Because as emotionally closed off as he knew he was, he had seen first-hand how badly she self-sabotaged. She had done it on the couch when he had tried to figure out how badly she was injured after patrol, lashing out at him with bitterness even as he saw how she recoiled from her own cruelty afterwards.

Even though she had joked that Joel may outdo her when it came to savior complexes, he was sure they both knew that wasn’t true.

“That’s why I’m coming to you,” Maria said in a low, serious tone, and Joel blinked in surprise, brow furrowing in confusion again until she explained, “She is going to push you away much harder than you do her. If you really care about this—if you really care about her—you’ll help her hold on to you instead of letting her turn away.”

Joel fell quiet, his gaze darting away from Maria and down to his boots.

His stupid fucking cowboy boots that he had also put on at Tommy’s request.

God dammit, he was really regretting coming out tonight, even as a part of him started to realize that he needed to be here. He needed to hear that, even if he couldn’t let himself process it fully in the moment.

Maria sighed, and he finally looked back up, glancing over her face as she calmed back down completely.

“Just…” she shook her head, letting out another quiet sigh, glancing back at him before finishing, “Just treat her like she deserves. Please.”

With that, she turned, leaving Joel standing there stunned, probably looking like the world’s most stupid cowboy with a cookie dangling from his hand that he had completely forgotten about.

He remained dumbfounded for a few moments longer until he eventually recomposed himself, even as his thoughts continued to run wild with new revelations and emotions.

So when he saw Ellie standing a short distance away, her arms crossed as she shifted awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, Joel relaxed considerably. He grabbed another cookie from the refreshment table before moving over to her.

“Hey, kiddo,” he greeted warmly when he settled into the space at her side, watching as she jumped before looking up at him, relaxing when she saw it was only him.

“Hey,” she responded in kind, giving him a nod that he returned before they both looked back out at the dance floor.

Joel offered one of the cookies to her wordlessly, and she took it with hardly a glance at it, the two of them simultaneously taking bites out of their cookies while they gazed out at the floor of dancers.

After a peaceful moment of quiet munching, Ellie mumbled almost too quietly for Joel to hear over the loud music coming from the band gathered in the corner, “They look happy.”

Joel knew exactly who he had been looking at, unable to tear his eyes away even after that emotionally jarring conversation with Maria. So when he looked back to Ellie to follow her gaze to whoever she was talking about, he was taken aback to realize she had her eye on them too.

The pair were still dancing happily, spinning each other across the floor with laughter so loud and cheerful that Joel could nearly hear it from where he stood on the sidelines. It made a smile threaten to twitch onto his lips, seeing a brighter smile on her face than maybe he had ever seen as she lifted a hand to twirl around Dina, the white, tulle fabric of the teenager’s matching angel costume swirling around her while they grinned and giggled.

Then Maria’s words echoed in his head, the comment of her being at her happiest in Jackson and telling him not to fuck it up, and his heart thumped with a sudden pang of fear and guilt.

“Yeah,” Joel muttered, giving a short nod before quickly looking away when he saw her gaze suddenly flicker over Dina’s head to him.

He didn’t know how she had known he was staring—had she recognized the feeling of his eyes on her? That thought made his heart thud against his chest, and he shook his head sharply, trying—and utterly failing—to shove anything sentimental out of his head while he stared down at his boots.

Only when he felt her gaze move off of him did he look back up, unable to keep his eyes off of her for more than a few seconds as she grinned and danced, despite all the newfound trepidation in his heart as he was realizing more and more tonight than he ever could have expected to.

Eventually, he managed to pull his gaze away when he heard a quiet, almost inaudible sigh at his side. Joel looked down at Ellie, a frown tugging at his lips as he watched her arms crossed tightly over her chest, staring down at her feet much in the same way he just was doing.

It tugged at something in Joel’s heart, so he brushed the remaining crumbs from the cookie off on his jeans before holding his hand out to Ellie. When she looked up at him in confusion, he only offered the fond smile that was reserved for her alone, holding his hand out further for her to take.

“Well, no reason why we can’t have some fun, too,” he said softly, and Ellie scoffed with disbelief.

“No way,” she shook her head wildly, her ponytail swinging across her back as her arms that were crossed over her chest bunched up even tighter. “I don’t dance.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Joel chided gently, his smile growing, nudging her shoulder with his own. “I see your foot tapping when you listen to your music.”

Ellie hesitated, feet shifting as she tried to avoid his gaze, but after a moment her crossed arms fell to her sides, a heavy sigh leaving her.

“You suck,” she murmured, her hand begrudgingly landing in his with a heavy smack.

Joel chuckled, grip tightening around her hand as they walked to an empty spot on the dance floor.

“I’m aware,” he drawled jokingly, moving his hands to hold Ellie gently but securely before he began to lead her across the floor in the steps of an easy dance.

She was stiff as a board at first, but from a few teasing words and gentle smiles from Joel, she finally began to loosen up a bit. When she did, he began to take wider steps in the dance, moving their joined hands in more exaggerated ways, earning laughter from the girl that brightened his world in a way nothing else could.

Ellie continued to laugh as he spun them both around, holding her close so they were almost hugging as he swung their arms up and down in a goofy dance that brought laughter rumbling from his own chest.

In that moment, it was all worth it; the pain, the suffering, all of it was worth it for this. Keeping Ellie safe, making her happy. This was his purpose.

He spun her around with one hand, his smile growing into a full-fledged grin as her laughter grew, and his with it. When he pulled her back to him, there was no way for him to see the scheming look she shot around his back, leaving Joel with mild confusion as Ellie leaned back, gripping both of his hands and spinning them around a few times.

So when Ellie suddenly let go, he stumbled a bit, his missteps only growing larger when another body collided right into his chest.

By instinct, Joel reached his hands out to steady them, planting his own feet firmly against the ground so they wouldn’t both topple over. Some deep part of his subconscious mind knew who it was from the instant he felt them pressed against him; the way the body molded to fit his was achingly familiar, along with the almost sweet scent that filled his senses before they pulled back to look up at him, and he saw she was the one who had ended up in his arms.

Her surprise matched his own, and they merely blinked at each other for a moment before loud cackling and giggling nearby caught the attention of both of them.

Joel only caught a glimpse of Dina and Ellie as they spun around together before they danced away, the matching shit-eating grins from both of the teenage girls eliciting a deep sigh from him.

The shifting in his arms brought his attention back, and he lifted one of his hands from where he had steadied her, placing it on the small of her back to pull her back to him when she began to pull away.

She looked up at him in surprise, hesitation flickering across her face as her lips parted to speak, “Joel—”

“One dance won’t kill you,” he murmured, avoiding her gaze even as his hand slid back to her waist, his other hand moving to grip her palm in a proper form for a perfectly respectful, casual dance between friends.

Who knew how much longer he could keep lying to himself about that.

Lord knows he hardly even believed it himself anymore.

He could feel her hesitate, even as he wasn’t watching her, just by the way her hand hovered in the air inches above his shoulder before finally laying on it. Joel inhaled softly through his nose as her fingers pressed against the flannel, feeling the familiar indentations of her touch even through the fabric.

Under his hand, the fabric of her dress was soft, and he couldn’t resist running his thumb up the curve of her hip just slightly. A familiar spark of desire traveled down his spine as he heard her own quiet intake of breath, a small smile threatening to flicker onto his lips as he marveled at how he could feel her body heat through the tight, red dress.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress before,” he murmured, taking steady steps through the dance as the music from the band in the corner began to slow down from the fast-paced tunes earlier.

Joel was surprised when she followed his steps without protest, realizing with something almost akin to pride that she was letting him lead her through the dance. It somehow spoke volumes as to how their relationship dynamic had changed in just under a year, and it was suddenly becoming harder and harder to keep that smile off of his face.

“Probably because I’ve never worn one,” she replied quietly, her face turned to the side when he finally looked back at her. “I hardly ever wear anything like this.”

“Skirts included?”

A soft laugh escaped her lips, her gaze moving to meet his, and there was a familiar glimmer of mirth in them that made Joel’s throat suddenly feel dry.

“Skirts included,” she affirmed, her lips tilting up into a half-smirk, half-smile, and Joel finally allowed himself to smile back at her at the sight. “Like I said, it’s a luxury.”

He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head while his thumb subconsciously stroked along the curve of her hip again. When she shivered, his smile grew, satisfied from the reaction her body gave to his simple touch. And by the way she rolled her eyes at him, he knew that she had noticed his satisfaction.

Despite what Maria had said to him, it was impossible not to fall helplessly into the familiar pull of her gravity. And maybe there was something about that conversation that made him just a bit more bold than he would have usually been.

“Well, then,” Joel drawled quietly, removing his hand from her hip for a moment to guide her into a slow, simple spin with his other hand. When he pulled her back, they were closer than before, his head moving next to hers so his mouth was conveniently near her ear so he could murmur, “Mike sure is a lucky man.”

He could almost feel her breath catch from how close their chests were to each other, her body tensing at the teasing words before she slowly relaxed when his hand in hers squeezed gently.

It was a simple gesture to reassure her, to let her know he was only joking, even as there was an undertone to the words that made Joel almost nervous to think about too deeply. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had truly heard that underlying meaning, or even felt it in the familiar, gentle pressure of their interlocked hands.

Shit, when had that started to feel so familiar?

“It wasn’t for Mike.”

Now it was Joel’s turn to lose his breath.

His heart thumped against his chest again, thankful for the way his head was next to hers so she couldn’t see the way his eyes widened at the four simple words that somehow managed to shake him completely.

He wanted to ask.

God, he wanted to ask.

But was that even his place?

Did he truly have any right to—

“Dina wanted to dress up,” she continued quietly, and Joel finally released the breath he had been holding, his body relaxing from how much he had tensed up without even realizing it. “She’s been so excited for this stupid dance for the past week. We’ve spent the past, like, five afternoons making these costumes.”

Joel laughed softly, turning his head just slightly so he could glance towards her from the corner of her eye, unable to help a small smile as he saw the fondness of her face as she talked about the girl.

“And the concept?” he found the words slipping from his mouth, his brow arching in a confident question even as his pulse raced nervously when her eyes finally met his again. “Was that Dina’s idea too?”

Her lower lip was pulled into her mouth for a second, teeth biting gently down on it, and Joel felt a rush of an emotion that felt dangerously close to longing as he was helpless to do anything but watch her react to his words, the temptation of his simple question.

“She had a few ideas,” she replied slowly in a hushed tone, her teeth letting go of her lip with the words, and he was mesmerized by the color that rushed to it before he looked back up, and his gaze became trapped in her own. “She wanted to match. An angel and a…devil, was one of her ideas, yeah.”

The way she hesitated before saying devil made Joel feel a bit bolder than before, his hand on her hip sliding slowly to the small of her back, his fingers spreading out across the fabric as he tugged her a bit closer.

“And you…?”

He trailed off, hoping she would understand what he wanted to ask, what he couldn’t say, and he was relieved when she did.

“I was pretty particular to that one,” she whispered, her eyes flickering between his, and Joel was lost in the way they glowed in the strands of lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling, drunk in the hazy look of something that wasn’t lust in that familiar, sharp gaze.

Joel’s lips parted, but to say what, or do what, he didn’t know. Any sound he may have started to get out quickly turned into a low growl when a voice tried to interject in their intimate conversation.

“May I—”

Joel hardly spared more than a glance towards the side to see the same man from earlier, the one who had approached his—her next to the refreshment table, and he quickly snapped, “No, you may not.”

He didn’t care to look at the man’s face any longer as he took large, determined steps in the dance until they were far away, only looking back down at her face when she let out a laugh of surprise.

“Joel,” was all she said, her eyes wide with shock that had a hint of mischievous amusement to it, and he held back a groan as his grip around her hand tightened.

“I don’t like that guy,” he muttered, brows furrowing when she laughed again. “What? I don’t.”

“Do you even know him?” she asked, her eyebrow arching when he suddenly found himself avoiding her questioning gaze.

“I—” he paused, suddenly feeling a surge of guilt at his knee-jerk reaction to keep her in his arms for just a little while longer. “I’m sorry. That was your choice to make, not mine.”

Her eyes lit up in surprise again when he looked back at her, but it quickly melted into a look akin to that warmth he caught glimpses of burning deep within her and, Lord above, he was nothing but a moth drawn to it as it was directed towards him alone in that moment.

“It was,” she responded slowly, and Joel began to shift awkwardly until her hand squeezed his shoulder gently, before sliding closer to his neck, her fingers grazing against the skin on the back of his neck that peeked above his collar, the sensation making him shiver. “But I would have said the same thing.”

Joel blinked a few times, surprised at the softness to the words before he relaxed considerably, a small smile dancing on his lips as she had one of her own hesitant, genuine smiles on her face. He felt like he could count on one hand the times he had seen that smile, but he also knew he could remember each of those moments as clear as day.

“And what about your costume?” she murmured, and Joel felt the immediate loss of her hand on the back of his neck as she moved it to tug gently at the brim of his hat. “Cowboy?”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling deeply from his chest as her voice wrapped smoothly around the familiar nickname that she had called him for months now.

“Tommy’s idea,” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulder when her hand rested on it again. “Ellie wanted to come out tonight, and when Tommy caught wind that I agreed, he strong-armed me into wearing these stupid fucking hats and boots with him.”

She laughed again, louder this time, and Joel’s smile widened at the sound of it as they slowly spun around again.

“What, you didn’t wear these all the time twenty years ago?” she teased, laughing again as Joel snorted at the insinuation.

“Not at all,” he muttered with a shake of his head. “Being from Texas doesn’t mean I was that predictable, sweetheart.”

When his own nickname for her left his lips, she glanced away, and Joel almost felt nervous at using it outside of sex until he saw the flush on her cheeks.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stop smiling, even if he had wanted to.

“So, no line-dancing for me tonight, then?” she finally asked, turning back to look at him with another smirk that was becoming so familiar, he almost recognized it as much as his own.

Joel just shook his head, though he couldn’t help but be amused at her continued teasing about that mundane, embarrassing fact about his life from before the Outbreak. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Not a chance in hell,” she said lightly, reaching a hand up to tap the devil horns on her head, and he laughed quietly, both of them smiling slightly before they looked away from each other.

They fell quiet then, the silence considerably more relaxed than it was before, neither of them bothering to fill that silence with anything as they swayed in place. His fingers stroked small circles against her lower back as hers moved from his shoulder to play gently with the ends of his curls at the back of his neck, her gaze lifting back to his face before she frowned.

“You shaved,” she muttered, and Joel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the observation.

Because she was right, he had trimmed back his beard a bit before the dance tonight, as it had been growing longer in recent months, but he hadn’t been expecting her to notice.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, brows furrowing as her eyes continued to move over his facial hair. “I did.”

She nodded slowly, her frown not alleviating even as her gaze finally moved away, and he frowned himself as he watched her.

“Why?” he asked, wincing internally as he heard that same self-consciousness he had felt an inkling of earlier creeping into his voice. “Did I do a shitty job?”

She laughed a little then, shaking her head before she looked back.

“No, it’s…” her words trailed off, looking away quickly again before she shrugged and muttered, “...it’s fine.”

Joel arched an eyebrow at that, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at her before he asked slowly, “What aren’t you saying?”

She shook her head again, stubbornly avoiding his gaze, even as she mumbled under her breath, “I just...you know.”

He did have a feeling—or perhaps a hope—for what she wasn’t saying, but he waited for her to admit it.

And after another moment where he continued to stare blankly at her, she huffed in annoyance, finally revealing in a sigh that nearly obscured the quiet words, “...I prefer it long.”

For the second time that night, Joel’s breath caught in his throat, watching the way her cheeks flushed again with her revelation that made his heart race. His lips parted again, but this time he finally was able to speak, her name leaving him on a breath that brought her eyes back to meet his.

But before he could say something else, the music from the band suddenly picked up again, causing dancers who had left the floor to come surging back again for more lively dancing. She looked up at him with a quiet laugh, a small, embarrassed smile on her lips as she pulled herself from his grip.

“I think you got more than one dance out of me, cowboy,” she enunciated the nickname with a wink and a pointed look up at his hat that made him return her smile with his own. “Maybe you should consider yourself lucky.”

There was something else hidden underneath the emphasis on that word, something that made him want to reach out to her, but she was already moving back out towards the edge of the floor.

But not before he could catch up to her, walking by her side so he could murmur under his breath, “Tonight?”

Joel dared a quick glance from the corner of his eye to see her bite her lip, a familiar smile of anticipation at his insinuation threatening to break through as she hummed out, “Mhm.”

He didn’t say anything else as he broke off from her, heading in the opposite direction to try and distract himself from how badly he wanted to whisk her away right then and there.

The dead of night would have to do.

You were surprised by how quickly Joel opened the door when you knocked later that night.

“Hey,” he greeted on an exhale, his hand finding your hip and tugging you into the house, his other hand closing the door behind you before you could even begin to form a response.

Without another word, his hands began to slide up your sides and around your back, tugging you against him as he explored your curves through the tight fabric of the dress you were still wearing. You had suspected he liked it, judging by the way he kept subtly stroking your hip and back during your dance, so you had kept it on for your midnight call.

When his mouth found your ear, you knew what he was going to ask before he even started to whisper, “How do you want me?”

Even as he spoke to you, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had held you tonight as you danced together, along with the way he had looked at you. Any strange form of jealousy—because that’s what it truly was, jealousy, you couldn’t deny it even if you tried—that you had felt when he was talking to Esther quickly disappeared when he kept smiling at you as he led you across the dance floor.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t want to stake your own claim on him now, just like he had already done to you, even if neither of you had talked about it since. Especially after you had seen a resurgence of his own jealousy tonight, when he had denied the request for a dance with you from the man you had once had a one-night stand with. It had brought the memory of his possessiveness to the forefront of your mind, and you wanted more.

You were desperate for more slips of the mask Joel held so carefully in place, feverish for more glimpses of the man underneath all those carefully constructed walls.

So when your mouth opened, you didn’t give yourself a moment to think twice about it before you whispered, “Bed.”

Joel froze, and you almost regretted your boldness before his body relaxed under your hands. He leaned back, his hand finding yours to tug you after him, leading you up the staircase as your heart started to beat faster and faster at the familiar, lustful intent in his dark eyes.

After nudging the door open with his foot, he pulled you in after him, flicking the lights off to send you both into darkness. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, letting the moonlight filtering through the curtains on his large windows help you not to stumble as he continued to guide you to the bed.

When he began to turn, you placed your hands on his chest, stopping him from whatever he was intending to do. Your fingers moved back to the buttons on his flannel, undoing the first few and making Joel’s breath catch in his throat, his mouth opening before that breath stuttered back out when your hand slid underneath his shirt to caress his collarbone.

He whispered your name, the sound half-warning, half-lusting, and you smirked against his skin from where you pressed your lips to his jaw. His recently trimmed facial hair tickled your lips, and you hummed in satisfaction from the sensation as you kissed down his neck, relishing in the way his breathing continued to come out in short bursts at your actions.

“I won’t take it off,” you murmured, leaning back up to bump your nose against the curve of his jaw as he grabbed your hips tightly. “Just a little bit…”

This close to him, you could almost feel his breath catch in his throat more than you heard it, and you pulled back slightly, tilting your head back to meet his gaze before you whispered, “That okay with you?”

The words were soft, because you always wanted him to be okay with whatever you did, just as he had always sought your own consent, from the very first encounter you both had in your kitchen.

Joel’s eyes searched yours, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow before he murmured, “Yes, ma’am.”

His submission sent desire shooting straight to your core, your pussy throbbing as you tugged at the next few buttons on his flannel until the upper part of his torso was revealed to you. Your hands spread across his hot skin that was available, a moan catching in the back of your throat from the feeling of the muscles that were reasonably toned from a life of survival.

There were also hints of a soft stomach below, your fingertips barely grazing it with the flannel still partially buttoned. It was a sign of the comfort of his life in Jackson that made you smile to yourself.

You leaned in to press an open-mouthed kiss to his collarbone, teeth grazing against it before you licked across his skin, drawing a quiet moan from him before your mouth continued to move down his chest. Your hands trailed over the rest of his flannel, leaving the remaining buttons untouched until your fingers hooked around a loop in his jeans, your other palm pressing against the erection that was already straining against his pants. You smirked against his skin when you heard him grunt before dropping to your knees.

Joel mumbled your name, his voice sounding shocked even in its deeper, rougher state from his desire, before he grunted again, louder this time when you mouthed over the bulge in his jeans. You let your saliva soak the fabric, your tongue putting pressure against his clothed erection. His hand grabbed your hair at the sensation, keeping you close as his other hand found your shoulder to steady himself.

“Fuck,” Joel gasped, and you smiled against the fabric when he tugged gently at your hair. “Take them off.”

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, and he groaned when his gaze met yours, your mouth still pressed to the erection in his pants before you pulled back to murmur, “Manners, Joel. Be a good Southern gentleman for me.”

His lips parted, a whine so quiet that you almost wondered if you had imagined it leaving them before he whispered, “Please, darlin’.”

A quiet chuckle left you at the way his accent sounded sharper around the term at your teasing, and you realized once again that he really did get off on oral.

“Good,” you whispered, the loud sound of his zipper echoing in the room as you pulled it down, followed by his pants hitting the floor, then his boxers so his cock was finally freed.

You watched it spring to attention, fully hard, a lustful breath of anticipation leaving your lips to fan against it. The sound of his breath hitching only made you more desperate, your tongue flicking out to lick over the head of his cock as a test.

When he grunted loudly, louder than any sounds of pleasure you had heard from him before, any further hesitation went flying out the window as you wrapped your lips around him and began to suck.

“Jesus—”

Joel gasped, his fingers tangling in your hair as your tongue swirled around his dick, alternating licking and sucking while you listened for any audible cues to what he liked best. From what you could tell, though, it seemed like he liked everything you did, and you hummed in satisfaction around him.

You continued to take him deeper into your mouth, your hand wrapping around his base to stroke him in time to your tongue and lips. There were tears forming in your eyes, but you didn’t care, looking back up at him when he groaned again to see he was watching you intently while you sucked him off.

“God, you look so good like this,” he muttered, his voice thick and hoarse from the blowjob you were giving him, and you pumped him faster, tongue flattening against his cock, cheeks hollowing as you sucked so hard he nearly bucked into your mouth, but he just barely held himself back. “Fuck, yes. Just like that, sweetheart.”

You moaned around him at the praise, feeling your panties growing damp with your own desire as his own moan echoed yours. Joel’s hips began to rock gently with the movement of your strokes, rolling a bit farther in and out of your mouth, unable to hold himself back as much as you could tell his high was fast approaching, even as he let you continue to lead.

When you felt him twitch in your mouth, his fingers tugged at your hair again, a bit harder than before, but not painful as he grunted, “Fuck, I’m—shit, wait, I’m gonna cum. I—”

Pulling your mouth off of him with a wet pop, you listened with satisfaction as Joel groaned in a mix of relief and disappointment that you hadn’t brought him to release yet.

“You got there fast,” you muttered hoarsely, reaching a thumb up to wipe across where your lipstick had surely smeared across your mouth from sucking his dick, which Joel watched with a needy gaze, his dick twitching in the air in front of your face again.

“Shut up,” he murmured, his face flushed and hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead from the high that had been approaching him, and you couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle of contentment at his reactions to your mouth before you pushed yourself back to your feet.

“Lay back,” you whisper, placing a hand on his chest to gently push him back towards the bed behind him.

It wasn’t nearly hard enough to actually make him fall, but he sat quickly enough anyway, watching you with clear anticipation as you kicked your heels off before climbing onto the bed after him when he laid back, crawling up over his body until you were straddling him. Joel’s hands hovered above your thighs, fingers hesitantly grazing your skin that was showing from where your dress had ridden up, until you gave him a nod.

At your silent okay, he slowly grabbed your thighs, his rough palms and thick fingers surrounding your skin and making you hum in approval. When his thumb stroked against one of your thighs, you glanced down, realizing that he was drawing a path along the scar that the hunters had left on you.

It was the injury he had helped treat, the moment you had admitted that this was more than you could have ever expected, and you let out a shaky sigh as your hands pressed to his chest. One of them slid underneath his shirt until your own palm was resting over Joel’s injury that you had treated yourself, fingers stroking along the feeling of the healed scars that the gashes had left.

You could feel the way Joel’s breath caught this time from the way his torso froze momentarily before he relaxed under your touch. His hand that wasn’t stroking along your scar slipped up under his shirt, finding yours from where it rested over his scars as his eyes met yours, gaze searching for you didn’t know what.

“Do you want to see it?” he murmured, and your heart pounded in your chest, eyes widening as you heard the underlying meaning to that seemingly inconsequential question.

Do you want to see me?

There may have been hesitation in your mind, but your body responded instantly, your head tilting in a nod that was all Joel needed to see before his hands lifted to rip at the remaining buttons on his flannel, tossing the ruined fabric to the side of the bed.

His eagerness to remove the shirt could have made you laugh if you weren’t so captivated by the sight of his body completely naked for the first time. You let your eyes roam across his torso, fingers spreading through the hair on his chest and following the occasional scar until you grazed your touch over the old, healed wound you had patched up in his bathroom.

“It looks better,” you murmured, tracing each of the thin scars the long gashes had left, listening to the way Joel’s breath stuttered each time you moved to a new one.

“Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely, his hands finding both of your thighs again, fingers trailing up under your dress. “Thanks to you.”

You expected his hands to stop at your panties, but they kept going up, his rough touch skimming across your lower stomach, making you shiver.

His touch stopped around your ribs, fingers dancing around that area, brows furrowed as he gazed at where your dress still covered most of your body. For a moment you thought he was trying to find the patch of your skin that had been covered by a bruise until recently, but his hand that was searching was on the opposite side of where the mark had been.

Then you realized with a start what Joel was trying to find with his hands alone.

Your tattoo.

Fuck, you didn’t even think he remembered that it was there. The only time he had caught a real glimpse of it was so long ago, when you could still hardly stand being in the same room as each other.

But it was clear that he was looking for it now, fingers running across your skin as if he could feel the ink on your skin, and a heavy breath left you with words that you could hardly even reconsider, let alone stop as you asked, “Do you want to see it?”

Joel’s hands stopped in their fruitless search, his gaze meeting yours as he searched your eyes for something once again. After a moment of tense silence where you were almost certain you were both holding your breaths, he nodded, and you exhaled shakily as your hands reached down to grab the hem of your dress.

You pulled the tight fabric up, shimmying out of it until it was over your head, throwing it to the ground beside the bed to be forgotten. With your hair now messed up and makeup for the party completely ruined from sucking his dick, you were sure you must have been quite a sight, but Joel gazed up at you as if you were made of the beams of moonlight that streamed through the curtains and lit up the darkness of the bedroom while you explored each other’s bodies.

His gaze was moving all over your body, eyeing the bra that still covered your breasts before looking back down at your abdomen that he could now see. One of his large hands curled around your curves, his thumb brushing against the ink of the tattoo, and your eyelids fluttered from the soft touch as you suddenly realized that you wanted Joel to know you.

All of you, in a way nobody else ever had.

Spurred on by the gentle heat in his eyes as he continued to glance over your body, you reached your hands up behind your back, unsnapping the hook of your bra and relishing in the way Joel’s eyes widened, his lips parting at the sound.

Letting the anticipation hang in the air for a moment, your eyes remained locked with his, searching for any sign that he wasn’t okay with this step. When his tongue darted out to lick his lips, followed by a quick nod of his head, you slid the straps off your shoulders before finally letting the fabric fall from your chest, tossing it to the ground to join your dress.

The groan that left Joel’s lips when he finally saw you naked for the first time was completely unabashed, and you blinked rapidly as he suddenly shot up, sitting up straight as his hands slid from your hips up to your sides.

Before he could reach the new area of your exposed skin, he paused, eyes meeting yours to seek permission. At how wide and nearly desperate his deep brown gaze was, you nodded quickly, a sigh of absolute pleasure leaving your lips when he gripped your back, pulling you towards him as his mouth descended upon the swell of one of your breasts.

He pressed fast, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of it until his tongue flicked out over your nipple, and you gasped, hands finding his hair to tangle in the strands when he lapped it into his mouth to suck on it.

“Oh, god,” you whispered, back arching to press your breasts further against his face, moaning as he hummed in approval around your sensitive nipple that was still in his mouth. “That fucking mouth is too talented for your own good, cowboy.”

Joel chuckled against your breast before his tongue continued to swirl around the stiffened peak, his hand finding your other breast. He cupped it gently for a moment, thumb stroking along your nipple before he began to palm it, harder and faster as you continued to moan from the sensation.

When your nipple left his mouth with a wet pop, you hardly had a moment to breathe before he switched to the other one, giving it the same attention he had given the first one as his other hand moved to palm your wet breast until you were going crazy from the sensation.

You shifted until your hips found his as he lavished your chest, the damp fabric of your panties pressing against his hard dick so you could grind against it. The sensation elicited moans from both of you, his hands flying down to your hips to hold you steady as you slowly began to grind against him.

“Perfect,” Joel gasped when his mouth finally left your chest, his head tilting back, meeting your dark gaze with one of his own as your hand cupped the back of his neck, keeping your gazes locked as you continued to grind against him. “Perfect fucking tits, I knew it. Just like I imagined.”

Your eyelashes fluttered, whining from the admission that he had imagined how you would look like this. Unable to take it any longer, you grabbed his hand, wrapping his fingers around the banding of your panties before you ordered, “Tear them off.”

Joel didn’t need to hear anything else, his grip tightening on the fabric before he tore it from your skin. It fell from his hand on the edge of the bed, his hands moving back to grip your ass as you lifted your hips, your hand finding his cock that was still wet from your mouth earlier as well as your arousal that had soaked through your panties when you were grinding against him.

When the head of his cock pushed through your folds and you began to sink down onto him, you whimpered, the loud sound followed by his own long, low groan of approval at finally being joined like this, with your bodies completely naked and pressed together. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, grabbing him as your head tilted back from the intensity of him filling you up until he was completely bottomed out.

You took a moment to breathe, your pussy adjusting to him as his hands moved back to your hips. His thumb found the edge of the scar on your thigh again, stroking along it as he smothered a sigh of satisfaction into your neck, and you exhaled heavily before you lifted yourself up a few inches to take him in completely again.

Joel groaned against your skin, and your hands gripped his shoulders, using the position as leverage while you started to move up and down, lost in the way his dick felt rolling in and out of you. He leaned back, his hands on your hips holding you steady as he glanced over your body while you rode him.

Another moan left his mouth as his gaze fixed on the way your breasts bounced with your movements, his lips parting as he mumbled, “Fuck, you look so perfect, naked and riding my cock. Better than I could ever dream.”

You whined, shifting so your body was pressing against his again, arms wrapping around his neck while you traded bouncing on his dick to rolling your hips. A loud moan left your parted lips, joining the sounds of his bed creaking from your fucking that had started to fill the air, desperately grinding against him when you found the right position for friction against your clit.

“Oh sweet God,” Joel whispered, his lips finding your neck, burying his words against your skin as your pleasure continued to build. “Keep going, darling. You take me so well.”

Fingernails digging into his shoulders, you couldn’t help but moan louder and louder, the pressure inside your lower stomach building until it finally burst, an orgasm making your walls tighten around Joel’s dick that was still buried deep inside of you. The sensation earned a grunt and a weak thrust from him before he stilled himself, his thumb continuing to stroke against your thigh as he kept murmuring words of praise into your skin.

“So fucking good,” he whispered hoarsely, his tongue licking up the sweat on your neck as he groaned, “Feels so fucking good when your pussy clenches around my cock like that, darlin’. Can’t ever get tired of you coming when I’m inside of you.”

“Joel,” you whimpered, hands grabbing for purchase on him, and his hand that wasn’t on your thigh reached up to spread against your back, pressing you securely to him.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing kisses up your neck to your jaw. “Take your time.”

You did take your time, continuing to grind your clit against his lower stomach until you came two, three times in total with his hard dick still inside of you. Joel grunted each time you climaxed, his grip tightening on you, voice hoarse and strained as he continued to talk you through each orgasm.

When you felt his fingers begin to tremble, his breath coming out through heavy pants, you finally took mercy on him. Even after the string of your orgasms, you steadied your grip on his shoulders, leaning back to begin to bounce on him again, earning a loud groan from Joel as you watched his head toss back from your movements.

Your hand curled around the back of his neck, fingers dancing along his skin as you watched his eyes squeeze shut, his face contorted in pleasure while you rode him faster, harder than you had before, with the intent now to finally make him cum.

His lips parted, fast, heavy pants leaving them as one of his hands left your hips to place on the bed behind him. Joel’s other hand gripped your hip tightly as he began to thrust upwards, meeting your movements until you were truly moving as one.

“Look at you,” you whispered on a breath, your thumb brushing against his bottom lip, earning a moan from Joel that turned into quiet whimpering as he started to buck up into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin joining the creaking of the wooden bedframe. “I may have been yours before, but you’re mine tonight, Joel. Do you understand?”

His eyes flashed open at your words, pupils blown wide with desire as his gaze met yours with a harsh exhale of, “Yes, ma’am.”

You nodded in satisfaction, panting from exertion as you moved even faster, earning a loud groan from him as you leaned forward to whisper, “Cum for me now, Joel.”

“Fuck!” he gasped, not needing to hear another word as he slipped out of you, pulling your body forward to press tightly against his, his cock twitching as he rutted against your stomach before his release coated your skin and his from where you were pressed together.

Joel kept you clutched to him, your naked chests pressed together as you both panted heavily, coming down from your highs and exertion. You didn’t complain about the close contact, your fingers lazily twisting through the curls at the back of his neck as you murmured praise into his ear to gently bring him down from the intensity of his orgasm.

When his grip on you finally slackened, you slipped from his lap onto the bed, falling onto your back at the same moment he did.

“Jesus, you’re…” Joel’s voice was hoarse as he trailed off, clearing his throat before he finished, “you’re really good at…”

You laughed breathlessly as you glanced at him from the corner of your eye, watching him struggle to find the words before offering, “Riding cowboys?”

Now it was his turn to laugh, a low, throaty chuckle that made you bite your lip as his head turned to meet your gaze.

“Maybe that’s my true secret talent,” you teased breathlessly, earning another laugh from him, a smile growing on your face as he shook his head in amused disbelief.

“Well,” he sighed heavily, pushing himself up and shooting you a smirk that you couldn’t help but smile even wider at, “I’m not complaining.”

That smile faltered as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking softly, “Where are you going?”

Joel looked back at you, his eyes softening, reaching out to squeeze your knee gently before pushing himself to his feet. “Taking care of you.”

The simple sentence caused a flutter in your chest, an undeniable warmth blossoming through you from head to toe that you couldn’t resist but sink into. You sighed, allowing yourself to relax back into the bed, unable to stop a quiet laugh as he stumbled slightly with a muttered curse when his legs shook. It was laughter that only grew when he mumbled for you to shut up.

It was impossible to keep your eyes open, too lost in the blissful haze that only multiple orgasms could provide. When you heard Joel return, you didn’t bother to move as the warm washcloth pressed to your legs and stomach, letting him clean you up as gently as he always did, even as his hands began to wander across your skin more than they usually did during his aftercare.

There was no part of you that was complaining as the washcloth on your thigh was replaced by Joel’s fingers as he stroked your scar before moving up to trace the outlines of your tattoo. It made you shiver, a hum leaving your lips at the pleasant feeling of him touching you so softly after how greedy you had been for each other’s bodies.

After a moment, you heard him stand back up and move into the bathroom before coming back. The bed dipped under his weight when he laid down beside you, but your eyes were too heavy now to reopen. Your breathing began to even out, unable to resist the call of sleep for much longer.

“Just…” you mumbled, your head lifting as your hands subconsciously found a pillow to pull down and rest your cheek against. “Gimme a…”

At the familiar feeling of callused fingers brushing against your cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind your ears, you hummed softly, a small smile pulling on your lips that you couldn’t hide that close to falling asleep.

“Take your time,” the familiar, deep voice assured you again, and any remaining tension seeped from your body at the sound of it.

Those same long, rough fingers that had contributed to the death of dozens of men—if not even more—brushed against the back of your cheek for a moment. The sleepy smile on your face grew, the comforting touch drawing you deeper into a half-asleep state, until the hand shifted so the palm laid directly against your cheek.

It cupped your face so gently, so perfectly, that you couldn’t help but sink further into the pillow in an overwhelming sense of comfort and ease.

Your lips parted to say something, maybe to whisper a name, his name, but only a soft breath escaped you as the thumb carefully stroking along the small scar on your cheek pulled you gently into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel x reader smut #a stranger's heart series

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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 2 months ago

Text

Never Did I Truely Hate You

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Janus doesn't expect any of the others to want him around after he's accepted. Even Remus has been acting off. So, of course, the most sensible course of action would be to avoid the source of hurt entirely.

Virgil does not agree.

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| Ao3 |

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Warnings: Self isolation, pretty negative self image

Pairings: Anxceit, very background intrulogical.

Word Count: 2071

Notes: Did a poll on here for which fic I should post next and this one won in a tie with another fic that I will post on Wednesday :3

I feel like I don't write very much canonverse anymore so lmk what you think!!!

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Janus hadn’t expected everything to be perfect now that he - and begrudgingly Remus - had moved up to the light side’s commons.

He did not expect Roman to forgive him, or become any less hostile towards him at all, after everything he had done to him. He didn’t expect Patton to want much to do with him, and he expected Logan to prefer talking to anyone but him - even Remus, who he’d spent a surprisingly long amount of time with recently, but whatever, that was none of his business.

And even more than that, He didn’t expect a single ounce of kindness from Virgil.

Not after he’d left, not after the quips and insults and snipes whenever they’d been within hissing distance of one another. No, he didn’t even expect Virgil to want to be in the same room as him, let alone talk to him, or heaven forbid sit down at the same table as him.

So, Janus decided to intrude on their space as little as possible. It was better to avoid the emotional turmoil and annoying pain it would cause than go through it all… right? …Right??

And so that was how Janus found himself becoming almost nocturnal for the first few weeks of this new arrangement. He also just so happened to spend an ungodly amount of time in the private greenhouse Remus had made for him as an extension of his room (fit, of course, with deadly tropical plants and poisons). He sat there for hours reading, or spent time caring for the snakes that also shared the space and he didn’t come out when someone knocked.

Which was rare because, of course, no-one wanted to talk to him.

He spent time in the commons at night, making food, eating said food, sometimes even watching a film during the dead hours of the morning. It was fine, he was fine with this arrangement, and he was sure everyone else was enjoying business as usual - you know, without him there.

So far, Janus had managed to avoid running into any side at night - aside from one time, when he came across Roman, though he was already passed out at the kitchen island, so it hardly counted. Something he should have remembered - and would kick himself for forgetting after the events that were about to unfurl because of it - was how awful Virgil’s own sleep schedule was.

He realised this fact very abruptly when, one night at just past three in the morning, Janus went to open the fridge, only to be attacked from above and tackled to the ground by some kind of hissing creature.

Moments later, when he gathered his thoughts just enough to will the lights in the living space to turn on, he realised that said hissing creature was actually their resident spider himself, who was now sitting firmly on Janus’ chest as he pinned him to the ground with strong hands on his shoulders. What the fuck?

“Virgil?” Janus asked after a long stretch of silence in which they both stared at each other.

“I finally got you,” Virgil huffed, seeming a little out of breath from the violent attack, “I’ve been - trying for the last week but you’re too fucking - slippery.”

“What??” Janus asked, staring at Virgil in disbelief, “why?”

“Because you’ve been avoiding all of us since you came up here, idiot,” Virgil said, pushing a little more weight onto Janus’ shoulders, it was starting to hurt, just a little, but he wasn’t about to tell Virgil to get off - this was the closest he’d gotten to him since… before, and Janus wouldn’t lie - at least not in his own thoughts - about how big of a crush he’d always had on Virgil. So yes, he was confused as hell, but he was absolutely not going to push Virgil away when he willingly touched him for the first time in years. What could he say, he was selfish.

“And?” Janus said, trying to make sure his face didn’t betray his raging feelings the position they were in were causing, “So what? I totally expect you and the others would actually want me around.”

“...So what? Dude I’ve been worried sick! Patton asks if we’ve seen you literally every day at breakfast- what? Even Remus doesn’t know where you’ve been!” Virgil yelled, “And then- I was down here on the sofa one night and - well I guess you didn’t fucking see me or whatever but you came down and then disappeared again - so I’ve been trying to catch you every night since to work out what the fuck is going on.”

“There’s nothing ‘going on’,” Janus protested, he was pretty sure he’d lost his hat when Virgil had knocked him over, he didn’t feel too comfortable without it, “I’m just giving you all space to recover after the last episode.”

“No you’re not,” Virgil said, shaking his head with a frown, “I know you too well for that, and we don’t need space, what’s going on, Janus.”

“I-” Janus trailed off, realising that Virgil had really trapped him in a corner here - both literally and metaphorically, Virgil knew him too well, even now, he could spot his lies easily, “It’s nothing of your concern.”

“I didn’t tell the others,” Virgil said, Janus blinked, staring at Virgil’s face in confusion.

“...Didn’t tell the others… what?”

“That you were coming down here at night, that I was trying to uh - do whatever you call this,” Virgil huffed, lifting one hand from his shoulder to gesture to the position the two of them were in, “I didn’t tell them.”

“Why not?” Janus asked, frowning.

Virgil groaned and rolled his eyes, “Because I know you too fucking well, now tell me why you’ve suddenly turned into an owl instead of a snake.”

“I’m saving you all the trouble of pushing me away,” Janus snapped after a long enough pause that Janus knew Virgil wouldn’t relent, “I already know that you all totally want me here, even if Patton’s stupid gesture to accept me meant anything.”

Virgil was silent for a second, didn’t break eye contact as he hesitated, before moving his hands from Janus’ shoulders. For a moment Janus expected him to stand up, dust himself off and mention something about how he was right before walking off. Instead, Virgil sighed and flopped down so he was lying fully on Janus’ chest, head tucked under his chin.

Almost completely on autopilot - since his brain was entirely bluescreening at the action - Janus’ arms came up to wrap around Virgil, who let out a surprised hum at the action.

“...Virgil?” Janus asked, voice wary. Everything he could have possibly expected from this interaction had just been flung out of the window with a single action.

“When Patton accepted you,” Virgil said, voice a little muffled to Janus’ ears, “I- I was angry at first, but then I just thought that like- now that they liked you I could - I could go back to liking you too, I was excited, I think, to have you back - but then you just disappeared and I - started overthinking it as usual.”

Janus couldn’t help but chuckle even if it came out a little sad, “I thought you out of everyone would want to see me the most, you definitely made that very clear in all of our recent interactions.”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said, readily and without hesitation, “I was awful to you, and it was - it’s no excuse but I only did it because everyone else chose to hate you too I - I was scared I’d lose their respect over it, but - it doesn’t matter now? Because Patton accepted you so - so they’re not going to hate me for liking you, right?”

Virgil lifted his head to look at him, and Janus sighed.

“You already know that I don’t know the answer to that,” Janus said, “and I’m sure the others will totally just like me without question now that Patton has accepted me.”

Virgil chuckled, “Roman is still mad about the moustache comment.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Janus said, shaking his head, “And I certainly don't expect that Logan isn’t still angry with me about the courtroom.”

“Okay so maybe we- we don’t tell the others about uh - this,” Virgil said, resting his head back on Janus’ chest.

“I totally know what’s happening right now,” Janus said with a sigh.

“I’m lying on you.” Virgil said, matter of factly, “B’cause you’re cold and strong and nice to lie on.”

“Okay, well this floor is definitely soft and warm and comfortable,” Janus pointed out, “So if you want to continue to lie on me may I suggest we move somewhere that wont give me back problems?”

“Oh right, yeah of course, sorry if I hurt you, when I uh - tackled you, by the way,” Virgil said, almost immediately getting up, looking a little sheepish.

“It’s fine. Would you like to watch The Black Cauldron?” Janus asked as he sat up, changing the topic, “I think there’s a DVD of it around here somewhere, we could lie on the couch…?”

“You… remember that I like that film?” Virgil asked, sounding oddly quiet, Janus turned from where he had begun walking over to the couch, scrunching up his nose in confusion.

“Of course I don’t,” Janus said, “It’s not like you made us watch it every other week - interchanged with The Nightmare Before Christmas - without fail since Thomas first watched it or anything.”

He couldn’t help but delight in the way that Virgil’s face flushed red, despite him hurrying to join Janus by the couch.

“I had almost forgotten about that,” Virgil admitted, “I’ve barely watched it since being over here.”

“I haven’t watched it since you left,” Janus sighed, “I highly doubt I remember the plot.”

Virgil smiled tentatively, “I’ll probably fall asleep before it finishes… but… that just means we’ll have to watch it again at some point, right?”

“Of course, let's take this opportunity to watch it now, shall we?” Janus said, summoning the DVD case in one hand whilst offering the other to Virgil. There was a long second of hesitation during which Janus could almost feel his world crumbling around him as Virgil didn’t take his hand, for a second he thought this must have been a trick, to have a relationship he wished for so badly dangled in his face and then snatched away again at the last second.

But no, that couldn’t be right, Virgil might be sarcastic, mean at times, but he wasn’t cruel and he certainly wasn’t dishonest enough to pull such a stunt so sincerely. Which meant…

“Are you alright?” Janus asked gently, taking back his hand.

“Oh yeah, Yeah i’m okay,” Virgil lied, Janus raised an eyebrow, “Okay fine, no I- when I left I just- sorta maybe convinced myself that you guys hated me and I just- I didn’t expect you to be so… I definitely didn’t expect you to remember my favourite film, or- or want to cuddle while we watched it.”

“It’s not like I expected you to be any kinder towards me,” Janus replied, face going soft, “But… maybe it’s safe to say neither of us actually hate each other?”

Virgil snorted, “Yeah uh- maybe not, I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Janus answered, “And I’m sorry too, honestly.”

There was a second where Virgil just took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Thank you, I forgive you too.”

“Good,” Janus smiled, putting the DVD into the player before sitting down on the couch, patting the seat next to him in invitation, “Because we’ve missed a lot of weekends - so we’d better make up for all the lost viewing time, hm?”

“I think we’d get bored if we watched it that much,” Virgil couldn’t help but laugh, flopping down on the couch next to him and immediately leaning into his side, and God had Janus missed this.

“Perhaps,” Janus nodded.

“Maybe if you actually came to the movie nights we tried to invite you to we’d have more things to watch,” Virgil murmured as Janus pressed play.

“You tried to invite me to movie nights?” Janus asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah - we all took turns knocking on your door every time we did one, you never answered.”

“...oh.”

“Now shut up, the film’s starting.”

Neither of them made it halfway through the film before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

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Tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti @scalesfeathersnfur @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @littlerat2 @goldnskyart (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

#sanders sides #janus sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #anxceit #rowans writings #ts virgil #ts janus #tss fanfic #ts fanfic

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tmwcs · 1 year ago

Note

to continue with that other anon, what if y/n actually sent her nudes to one of Heethans friends by accident??

and tried to rile him up more abt it by saying “it’s not THAT big of a deal”……

“No Big Deal.”

SMUT MDNI 18+

Theres mentioning of smut, slight description of smut/smut things, and mentions of photos being sent to others, overstimulation....umm....Heethan is kind of a brute.....but ofc.....he's not sorry. #sorrybutnotsorry.

".....no....oooohnononononooooo....what have i done?"

Your hand shook vigorously as you held your phone and observed the name and number of the recipient who you mistakenly sent a wide variety of photos to.....nude photos.

You could have sworn you typed in the first three letters of Heeseung's name, which would have autofilled to his contact name "Heethan" which you had saved to reflect the two loves of your life. Yet somehow, you must have fat fingered punched a different letter as the photos were all sent to someone else....someone who shared the same class as Heeseung. 'Hewitt'.

Quickly, you reacted by sending a message to Hewitt, explaining the situation.

"Hi, so sorry. this is a mistake, i meant to send those to Heeseung, I have no idea why it was sent to you, please erase those and do not open them."

Biting the tip of your thumb, you anxiously await for a response back.....but not one single message was returned.

"Shit....."

You waited in the room patiently. Since Heeseung went to the store, he ensured that his housemates were all home and residing downstairs so that you were safe and not alone inside the house.

...................

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Just stay here and if anything happense, my house brothers and their girlfriends are all downstairs. Just call me."

....................

He had been gone for ten minutes already, and Heeseung was always very prompt when it concerned matters of leaving you alone. Whenever you were in class or left in his room, he never played around with timing. Preferably, he always wanted you with him, yet this time around, with the intentions of surprising him with some sexy photos, you feigned a headache and opted to stay behind.

....................

"I'll get you some medicine while I'm at the store. Did you want anything else, pretty baby?"

....................

The image of his concerned look as he leaned down and kissed your forehead made this whole ordeal excruciating as you reflected on your careless mistake.

"Maybe...if i just....don't act like it's a big deal........maybe he'll reflect that it isnt....based off the vibe....because if I'm freaking out it only enhances the negatives.....but if i'm calm, maybe he'll feed off of that energy."

......................................

Exactly at the fifteen minute mark, you hear his car pull up. You peeked through the blinds, ensuring that the lights in the room was shut off, careful to make sure that your silhouette couldn't be made out as you knelt down on the bed and peered through the window.

Watching him, he had a plastic bag in hand with the contents from the store. He looked calm, or at least it was all you could make out as he wore his hat in the traditional manner of covering his eyes. His casual attire along with the exposure of his strong arms made him look irresistible, no girl could ever blame you for wanting to send him nudes......you kicked yourself for feeling so stupid and careless....how could you have done sent it to someone else?

Your eyes trailed after him as he walked towards the front door. You quickly laid down on the bed, checking your phone once more to see if Hewitt had responded.....to your despair, he did not.

"Dammit....."

You should have erased his number long ago. Reflecting the moment when you had gained Hewitts number, it was back when Heeseung was assisting one of his teachers, so he had you coordinate with Hewitt to pick up the materials for one of his classes as h/n used Jake's car and drove you, since the latter was with Heeseung, also assisting the teacher.

That was the only time you and h/n ever interacted with Hewitt, a calm and quiet individual who seemed like a decent young man. Hopefully he honored your request and erased those photos.

Yet the lack of response from his side furthered your anxiety and made you even more worrisome.

Suddenly the door opens, you remained lying still on the bed, and to your surprise, he didn't immediately turn on the lights. Leaving the room in darkness, you wondered if he genuinely thought you were sleeping from the 'headache' you were experiencing, possibly not wanting to wake or disturb you.

He was always that way, so considerate whenever you were in pain or if something had been on your mind, Heeseung was always your biggest supporter. Obviously, he was always going to be as such, the man was insanely obsessed with you...infatuated.....totally in love with you to the point that, while you haven't seen it yet, you wouldn't put it past the man to resort in developing a 'killer instinct' in order to have you all himself or to 'protect' you. It was the look in his eye that he would get sometimes that made you wonder....

The footsteps breaching in your direction snaps you out of your zoned state of mind. You tried to maintain a relaxed and steady breathing pattern, which had escalated once you felt him sit on the edge of the bed next to your body. Hearing the plastic bag being set down on the floor, you felt the movement of his body as he leans in, and gently caresses your face.

"You awake, pretty baby?" he spoke so calmly.

"Mmm....mmhmm...." you managed to mumble out.

"How are you feeling?"

".....Fine....."

His face closes in and you felt his lips meeting with yours. Gently kissing you, he embraces you with his arms and shifts his position to lay on top of you.

It was...interesting.....only due to the mere fact that he didn't seem to know, but also....normally, whenever you had complained about not feeling well, he usually opted to let you rest. Perhaps when you answered 'fine' he took that in a literal sense and decided to not hold back any longer. The man did have such a high sexual drive when it came to you, according to Jake, who confirmed that while Heeseung always did have a potent libido, since meeting you, it had been stronger than ever.

"You need any medicine for your headache? I got you a few." he calmly speaks against your lips.

"...N-no....it's fine...i'm fine...thank you." reaching your arms around his neck, you pulled him in for a tight embrace, slightly shaking from the fear of whenever he was bound to find out what you had done.

"You're shaking. You cold?"

"mmmm.....no....."

"mmm........good."

Getting up, he walks over to the light switch and flips them on. Turning back around to face you, you saw that horrendously frightening grin of his Ethan side.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyy......"

"...Y-yes..?"

Walking over to you, he takes out his phone from his pocket, all the while making direct eye contact with you.....those eyes....they were wide with a taunting smirk to accompany that sadistic and malevolent look in his expression.

Kneeling down before you as you positioned yourself to sit on the edge of the bed, legs dangling and your feet delicately resting on the ground, he crouches down with his hand gently placed on your thigh.

Without saying anything, he shows you the contents of his screen......a message from Hewitt.........

..................................

"Kind of careless.....aren't we?" his voice was low. You felt his fingers slightly digging into the skin of your thigh as he spoke.

"uh.....yeah...it was....a mistake.....it was supposed to be a surprise for you...but......i guess if you look at it...it's not....really a big deal..."

"NOT........A ......BIG DEAL?......." his eyes widened as his smirk transitioned to one that reflected irritation and amusement.

"Well...yeah....i mean...if you think about it....he didn't look at them....he sent to them to you....and he's not sharing them with anyone.....so.....its......its all good....." you mumbled out in a soft....a very quiet tone.

"Hmmm......that right?......"

"......y-yes...."

He gets up and tosses his phone on the desk.....the loud clank of the device landing on the surface was hard, you'd be surprised if the screen made it out without any cracks. By the way he threw it and scoffed out an irritating sigh as you watched his backside walking towards his computer, you could tell.....he was mad.

By the direction he was walking in, you figured he was going to sit down and perhaps play some of his video games to take the edge off.....instead, he walked over to the dresser, grabbing on to the hem of his shirt and lifting it off and over his head, removing it. The flex of his back muscles as he took off his shirt nearly caused your mouth to gasp open as you saw the definition of each muscle, lined perfectly and lean.

Tossing the shirt off to the side, he remains standing with his back facing you, digging something out of the top dresser. Turning back around, he maintained a malicious grin as he bites down on his lower lip and as usual, draws blood from his bite.

Walking over to you, he fully extends and displays the satin sash he had in his hand, it was an eye mask, but from where?

"Wh-where did you get that?"

"Mmm......a friend.....who likes to play with toys....."

"A friend?.....Is it....."

"Shhhh.......come here....lets have some fun....."

................................................................

You're not sure how long it had been since he placed the eyewear over your lids and started to 'punish' you with his ravaging performance, yet you didn't care as long as he was finally done. The overstimulation of his dick thrusting into you at such vibrant speed, all the while he flexed and twitched inside of you as he burrowed deep into your tissue muscles, it all caused you to grow weak and sore just within minutes....let alone the hours that passed by.

Breathing deeply, trying to regain your oxygen intake, you lay still with the mask still covering your eyes. He wouldn't let you take it off during the entire session.

"Ready for some more?"

"N..no....no more....please....."

You felt his eyes shift down onto your cavity as he held your legs spread wide open, the shifting sound of his head tilting is what gave it away. Reaching down, you felt his finger probing at your womanhood, scooping up the thick and creamy substance that was caused by the constant throbbing friction of his thrust, his skin, and his muscle merging into your opening as he practically 'melted' into you.

"Lets see if we can go deeper."

"Ethan no! T-too deep! You're too deep! T-take it out! Pleaase!"

"Fuck keep talking like that and I'm going to explode."

"Ethan no more!"

"I love seeing how it looks when I do it to you.....it looks like i'm melting into you, you know that?"

"Uuuugh!"

"Yeah? You fucking like that dont you? hmm? DONT YOU?"

"N-no.....UGH!!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaah you dooooooo......come here baby, come here......i'll go harder, just for you."

"N-no! Ethan!"

"Yeah...I'll go deeper...just for you."

"Ugh!"

"I'll go faster....I'll fucking cum.....really deep inside...just for you baby."

"Ethan!!!"

The overstimulation you suffered from was immense. He must have released at last eight or nine times, though you wouldn't be surprised if it was more....considering you lost count after the sixth round.

Between tapping into Heeseung and switching back to Ethan, it felt as if each time they swapped personas, the face you were at mercy from came back fully energized and renewed.

Feeling him re-inserting, he slides right in at ease. What with the amount of moisture from your body's natural lubricant, the white discharge from all the thrusting, plus with your opening a bit loose from his constant flexing and entry, you were rendered helpless as he found himself 'home' immediately.

"Ah.....my girl is a little more open now that I broke you, huh?"

"S-stop......Heeseung....please...I-I'm.....so tired....and sore."

"Shhhhh....its okay now.....I'm here to take your mind off that."

Thrusting at a high momentum, with a ferocious vigor, your vision remained enveloped in a shroud of darkness from the satin mask as you hear Heeseung groan against your ear.

"Fuck......you like listening to what I do to you?"

After suffering for the final time, he cums once more and you remained nearly breathless, drenched in sweat and covered by the colors of his 'love'.

You hear his hand extend past and past your head, it sounded as if he reached for something, though you were too exhausted from wondering what it was. Another toy? God.....you hope not. Fearful of what he had planned next, you let yourself go and black out from the effects of tiredness and the euphoric overstimulation........

................................................

The next day.......

Waking up, your eyes opened to the naturally lit room as the morning sun was just nicely rising. Heeseung's arm caresses your waist as you lay against his chest, your backside spooned by his broad frame, as he remained deep asleep.

"Thank God...."

He too must have succumbed to the effects of exhaustion considering the number of times he ravished you. Although the effects always hit him differently than it did with you. For him, there was less pain and agony, it was just pure pleasure, unlike for you, where you got the bitter end of the stick by receiving a mixture of pain and euphoria, something that Heeseung and Ethan took great delight in giving you whenever you had broken the rules or 'misbehaved.'

Reaching up for your phone, you were shocked to see over 23 messages that came in.

"Oh no....did Hewitt...?"

Fearing the worst, you opened up the messages.....if what you had suspected was true......you had a feeling that Heeseung.....and Ethan were going to repeat their performance from last night....meaning you would get no rest....and will be sore for alot longer than just today.

The most recent message was from H/n.... the first bit of her message confirmed your worst fear....

"Oh my God.....he did.....Hewitt did share them....what am I going to do? Is Heeseung going to kill him? What is he going to do with me? What is he going to do?"

Reading on, you continued to examine the messages from H/N....it only brought you emotionally lower.

"Oh my God......why Hewitt...why?"

Unable to read on, you dropped our phone and buried your face into your hands. You felt like crying.

"How could Hewitt do this?.....How am I going to calm Heeseung down now?"

A ding comes in, signifying another message, although this time, it wasn't coming in through your phone. Heeseung's phone was resting on the nightstand beside the bed, which was odd considering the last time you remember seeing it was when he tossed it on the desk.

Picking it up, you took advantage of his sleeping status and decided to see the message that came in. His forearm still wrapped around your nude body as you leaned slightly away to grab onto the device and open it; once you had entered the passcode, your face reflected the most horrific shock as you unveil the contents of a certain message from Jake....

....................

Trembling, you read on to find the photos that H/N and Jake were referring to........were not the photos that you mistakenly sent to Hewitt.......

Suddenly, you felt Heeseung's arm that laid around your waist tighten and tug you closer to his body. You turned around slightly to find that his eyes were already open, staring at you with a sly smirk as half his face was burrowed into the pillow.

"Pretty baby...did you sleep well?"

".........wh-what....did you do???"

You stared at him with furrowed brows and wide eyes. How could he do this? This was way too far.

You nearly wanted to scream at him, although that wouldn't have worked out in your favor, yet still, you were on the brink of breaking down when suddenly his words nearly caused you burst into tears.......what could you possibly say in response?.......

"Aw baby, dont be that way, it was an accident. Dont worry, its not like they shared it with anyone else.....remember? Its....NO BIG DEAL."

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

#heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #heeseung hard thoughts #enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #enha heeseung #heeseung scenarios #enha x reader #yandere enhypen #heeseung yandere #yandere heeseung #yandere x reader #male yandere #heeseung fanfic #enha imagines #enha fanfic #enha drabbles

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plussizeappreciationfics · 1 month ago

Text

One shot: Going over the lines

Requested?: yes by @queenofstarsign85

Request: Hello! Could I please request a one shot tom hiddleston x light-skinned black reader? The reader is an actress who has a major crush on tom, they know each other for a year and he also likes her too. They prepare to work together in the series the night manager where he plays Jonathan pine. And she Costars with him in the series, she plays his love interest. While going over their lines and pretend sex scene real feelings are revealed, with spicy smutt and fluff :) thanks!

Warnings: INSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving)

Images found on Google/Pinterest

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Tom asked, his breathing heavy as the two of you stood in front of each other, only bathrobes covering your bodies. The two of you were standing in his bedroom, nervous yet excited as the two of you had decided to try and act out the intimate sex scene for the second season of The Night Manager.

Of course the two of you wouldn't be having real sex in front of the camera, but the two of you would be complete naked. Tom first had thought that his suggestion would be inappropriate, fearing that you would think that he's a creep. But to his surprise, you agreed as the two of you knew that acting out the scenes would be very awkward.

"I am sure, we both signed the contract. It's our job" you added at the end and smiled nervously, hating that you didn't have the nerve to voice your real feelings.

It had been known that Tom and his fiancé had broken up a while ago and were raising their kid in harmony, everyone knew that Tom was also one that put his blood sweat and tears into his work and didn't like mixing his private life into the matter. He had done it a few years ago, and wouldn't dare to make the same mistake twice.

That was until he met you, of course. But the British actor didn't even think about pursuing you. He kept his feelings hidden as he feared the next heartbreak would be the complete end of him. At the same time, Tom hated how his feelings for you only grew by the second you spent with each other. Your beauty, your grace and your personality had the poor acting dreaming about you, yearning for your love and body.

"How do you want to start? We know the lines and the first intimate scene starts with you straddling me..." Tom's cheeks gained a light crimson color as he watched you let out a shaky breath before gently pushing him onto his bed and straddling his lap.

The two of you were already breathing heavily, staring deeply into each other's eyes while you felt the tension shift. You were lying if you didn't pretend to feel your sex slowly getting wetter as you gently grinded your hips against Tom's.

"Is this okay?", you gently asked while staring down at his lips, the urge to kiss him overwhelming you.

"Yes", the actor quickly breathed out, his strong arms wrapped around your thick waist while you continued grinding yours in a slow motion that made both of you get hotter and greedy by the second.

"I-I've been wanting to actually do this for a while", you had surprised yourself by voicing your inner thoughts. Tom's eyes widened in surprise before surprising you by cupping your big butt cheeks, squeezing the softness and letting out a soft moan.

You couldn't help but moan with him, "Me too" is all the actor responded before pressing his soft lips against yours, devouring them while moaning into your mouth. His hard cock was now twitching beneath your clothed sex.

"Take me", Tom begged in between the passionate and longing kisses, his head spinning while he drank in every single delicate sensation coursing through his body. Your ego didn't allow him to repeat himself as you quickly wiggled out of your bathrobe and pushed his upper body against the soft mattress.

"Look at you", Tom gushed while breathing heavily, opening his own bathrobe while you helped with the lower part of it, letting out a soft moan at the sight of his hard cock, throbbing and waiting to fill you up. "God, I can't wait any longer", you voiced to which the two of you let out quick chuckles as you also had said your lines from the sex scene out loud.

"I am all yours, (Y/N). Body, mind and soul" the British actor promised to which you couldn't help but smile widely while you quickly straddled his lap again and positioned yourself right above his cock. You took it in your hand and gave it a few steady strokes, biting down your lip when Tom moaned and thrusted his hips upwards as a sign for you to finally make him yours.

You guided him to your already wet entrance and made sure that he looked at you while you slowly sank down onto him. "So big" you breathlessly moaned while enjoying the sensation of your inner walls being stretched out overwhelmed you.

A shiver ran down your spine once you had completely sat down onto Tom. His thickness pressing against your sweat spot while goosebumps covered both of your skin. Your hips began to move on their own, the motions making the two of you let out soft whispers of each other's names while making sweet love to one another.

Tom's hips thrusted themselves in sync of yours, groaning and gently caressing your body, from your tender breasts all the way to your big stomach. Your head was spinning as part of you still couldn't believe that you were finally acting out your deepest inner feelings. It was indescribable, the sensual sensations were overwhelming.

Your inner walls started to clench when Tom surprised you by flipping you over, you now lying on your back and the actor immediately placing your legs on his shoulders before sliding back into you, his hips snapping fiercely against yours.

"Yes!" you cried out in pleasure while arching your back, the overwhelming pleasure rushing through your body like tidal waves while the delicious knot formed in the pit of your stomach.

Every push pushed you deeper into the mattress, your breasts were jiggling all over the place while the sound of your sweaty skin slapping against one another filled the entire bedroom.

It didn't take Tom long before he had you on the edge of the ecstatic cliff, your orgasm surprising you entirely. Your legs shook violently while your weak screams of pleasure echoed through the room. The actor couldn't help but stare down at the beauty that you are while his orgasm was just around the corner.

He grunted loudly and gave you a few more sloppy thrusts, his spurts of release filling you all the way up while your inner walls were still clenching onto his cock, milking him until the final drop had been spilled inside you.

You couldn't open your eyes as your high had left you completely powerless. Tom gently slipped out of you and tried catching his breath while he laid down next to you, scooping you into his strong arms and placing gentle kisses on top of your head.

"Sleep, my love. I am here" he whispered, making your heart flutter in your chest while you cuddled closer to him, not being able to speak a word as the emotions were overwhelming you.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston x plus size reader #tom hiddelston imagine #plus size reader

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gaysindistress · 1 year ago

Text

Fine Line

summary: Forgetting his first love is easier said than done as memories of his best girl are the only things that Steve thinks about during the days leading up to his wedding. Not once did he think of Peggy even as she walked down the aisle or when they were pronounced husband and wife or when she refused to let him go throughout the celebrations. He hoped that with time she would leave his every waking thought but time would prove to be a cruel mistress and would not grant him such luxuries. A decade and one failed marriage later, she still hasn’t left his mind.

pairing: Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader

warnings: angst, the feels

word count: 3.3k

Tag list: @vickie5446 @cakesandtom

Dial Drunk - part 2 & Cocaine Jesus - part 3

a/n: SURPRISE! I’m not fully back but I missed you guys so I’m giving you Fine Line early. Everything else will resume on 7/7 like planned. Also I’m torn between making this a series or keeping it as a one shot. What are y’all thinking?

masterlist

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on Google/Pinterest

Falling in love was supposed to be the greatest accomplishment for a person. The rush of emotion, the butterflies in one’s stomach, the flush when one’s lover is near, the feeling of complete joy and fulfillment. Falling in love was supposed to be the happiest moment in one’s life. It’s meant to last forever, the eternity that a couple walks on this earth. It’s meant to persevere through any and all hardships that life throws in their way and strengthen the bond they share. Love, true love in its purest form, is meant to be the greatest healing force that nature has to offer and will provide a couple with an endless supply of cures for any ailment. Love is the one thing that people seek out the most in any and all forms but the love that is found in the arms of a lover is the most sought-after. Love is meant to be a good thing until it is not.

When love sours and turns into resentment, hatred, pain, and angst, it destroys. It becomes the ruination of once strong and powerful people. It becomes a weakness that anyone can expose, one that anyone can exploit when needed. When love fades away into nothingness, the hole that is left is permanent. It will never be filled, will never shrink, will never heal. The hole that loves leaves is a stark reminder of what was meant to be and what actually happened. It’s filled with what-ifs and theories of what could’ve been, questions left unanswered and will continue to go unanswered. When love is lost, the two lovers change and something new becomes of them. In the case of Steve Rogers, an entirely new man was forged from the fires of lost love.

At barely 22, he was faced with a decision he’d hoped would never come. Being the son of a crime boss and the natural next pick to lead, it was his duty to pick a suitable partner to support him when his time came. Of course, some standards and stipulations accompanied his decision but he quickly learned that there was a predetermined pick already in place. He had no choice, no free will to decide his own future, and with that, he would have to leave behind the love he had known since they were children.

“You can’t be serious, Dad,” Steve’s hands shook with anger as he held back the urge to smash something, anything at all.

“The Carters are very good friends of ours and Peggy is a sweet girl. She’ll make for a lovely wife,” Joseph Rogers, the current leader of the Rogers crime syndicate, explains while not batting an eye at his son’s aggression and continues to eat the roast his wife made.

“You can’t just force me into this. Mom,” he turns to Sarah who is sitting quietly at the kitchen table, “please there has to be something else, anything else.”

She only shakes her head, eyes downcast on the dark wood of the table where they’d been eating dinner as a family moments ago. Joseph spares her a very brief glance to ensure that she isn’t going to give in to her son’s pleas for help.

“What’s done is done. You will marry Peggy Carter at the end of the week and that is the end of this conversation. I do not want to hear another word about it, am I clear?” The authority in his tone forces both his wife and son into a quick nod and ‘yes sir’ as the only other sounds that fill the room are those of him cutting the meat on his plate.

Another stern look from his father has Steve returning to his seat but not without one last question, “What about…”

Joseph slams his hand on the table, rattling nearly everything and everyone as he cuts Steve off, “I said not another word and as for that girl, you will break it off and forget about her.”

Easier said than done as the thought of his best girl and leaving her are the only things that he thinks about during the days leading up to his wedding. Not once did he think of Peggy even as she walked down the aisle of the grand catholic church in her expensive white gown or when he briefly pressed his lips against hers as they were pronounced husband and wife or when she refused to let him go throughout the celebrations. Not once did Steve stop thinking of his true beloved his entire wedding day or night when he begrudgingly commenced their marriage. He hoped that with time she would leave his every waking thought but time would prove to be a cruel mistress and would not grant him such luxuries.

She inhabited every corner of his mind for the next 15 years and nothing could shake the memory of her tear-stricken face when he told her that they were done. To spare her the real pain of the truth, he lied and said that he had been seeing Peggy the entire time they were together. Whether or not a cheating revelation was really better than an arranged marriage was lost on him and he regretted every word the moment they slipped out. Of course, she hadn’t believed him, he would never do something so horrible as cheating on her. She knew him better than that, she knew him better than he knew himself so lying to her would never be successful. Yet she accepted it and didn’t pry any further, knowing that if he was lying, there was clearly something far worse happening.

He watched all love drain from her face and tears wet her skin when the lies filled her head. Everything they had built together over the last year had been ruined with two sentences; It’s over. I’ve been cheating on you with Peggy and we’re getting married.

15 years later and only God knows he would be able to make up for those lost years and cruel parting words. Rain storms around him and soaked his thick black outer coat as he stands in front of the blue door. The thunder drowns out the sound of his blood pulsing in his ears as nerves start to take over him. Should he really be here? Would she open the door for him? Hell did she even live here anymore? All sorts of questions scatter any rational thought he has. However lucky for him, the door opens and reveals her standing there and everything completely leaves his brain at the sight.

“What are you doing here?” her voice is calloused and devoid of all emotion as she stares up at him.

“H… Hi,” he stutters, his chest constricting as it works to breathe. In and out, in and out.

“What are you doing here?” she repeats.

“Can I come in?”

“It depends. Is someone dead or are you just here to reminisce?”

His hand strays from his pocket to scratch the back of his neck, an old nervous habit his father had tried to break for years.

“Either way, I don’t want you here so leave,” she says, going to close the door on him and everything that might blossom from this moment but the stray hand blocks that from happening.

“Please, I just want to talk.”

“No. Just go,” she tries again to push on the wood alas she is no match for the strength he has built up over the years and she lets out a defeated sigh.

“5 minutes. That’s all I ask.”

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

The smile she had only dreamt of for years finally becomes real again as it stretches across his short stubble covered face, “Not a chance in hell, honey.”

The woman steps back but only enough for him to squeeze past and invade her no longer safe space. She knew when the sleek silver car pulled up that any sense of safety would go. His showing up at her front door made her a target for any and all of his enemies after she’d spent years trying to erase any memory or sign of him from her life.

He glances around the room, taking in every detail it had to offer from the various books that lined the brick walls to the pictures of family and friends on the countertops. One, in particular, halts him. It’s a small polaroid from the first night they’d since each other since childhood tucked into the corner of a mirror that’s amidst the books. In it are two much younger versions of them smiling drunkenly with fireworks in the background.

It had been the fourth of July the year he moved back from college. Sarah, his mother, insisted that they throw a late welcome home of July party since this was the first time in four years he had been back. The college had been an escape from the greed and foulness of his father’s world but his tranquility had to be shattered when he was presented with the prophecy of him taking the Rogers family business. Sure he knew it was going to happen but being faced with the reality of it proved to be too much for him. He’d spent the afternoon sneaking away to take shots in between his beers because he needed to be drunk to not remember a thing to survive this night.

It was probably around the 5th secret shot when his sweet honey had shown up, stumbling upon him looking for the bathroom. There she stood in her cutoff Levi shorts and white tank top that showed off the red bikini top she’d worn to the lake earlier. He should’ve heard her coming down the hallway given that she was wearing flip-flops but the deafening effect of the alcohol must’ve kicked in.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” she stutters, frozen with embarrassment, “I’m sorry but where is the bathroom?”

Coughing from nearly choking on his shot, he wipes at his mouth both physically and metaphorically, “Um it’s across the hall.”

“Thank you, Steve,” she whispers while closing the door.

“Wait how do you know my name?” his voice halts her and she cringes when she hears it.

“Oh uh… I guess you don’t recognize me,” she says, pushing her hair back, “I’m Y/N L/N.”

“Oh, OH,” it suddenly all clicks into place and he feels immensely guilty for all of the thoughts that had run through his head, “I should’ve known. It’s been uh… a crazy week.” “It’s all good. I’m sure your parents have paraded you around like a circus animal. Ya know, the prodigal son returns and all,” the sound of far-off laughter has her checking over her shoulder, “Anyways I should go. It was nice seeing you.”

“Yeah it was nice seeing you too,” he trails off, too caught up gawking at how short her cutoffs were and how if anyone dared to look her way, he’d been cut their eyes out.

He’d made it his mission that night to watch over her and make sure that no one got close to her. Of course, this was unbeknownst to her and any attractive guy that showed up quickly disappeared, refusing to even go near her. About 4 guys in, she’d spotted the reason for her bad luck leaning against the sliding glass door with his arms crossed over his chest. Even though she couldn’t see his eyes from behind his sunglasses, she could tell by the way his jaw was set that his death glare had scared off any and all men that approached her.

“Is there a reason why you’re ruining my chances at finding a guy?” she asked him as she came to stand at his side.

He briefly glanced at her from the corner of his eye before readjusting his arms tighter over his chest, straining his white button-down.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he finally settled on but she doesn’t buy it for a second.

“You know exactly what you’re doing and I want to know why.”

“And what do you think I’m doing?” “Being a bitch and not asking me out yourself so you’re resorting to giving everyone the stare-down.”

He scoffed at the suggestion but deep down he knew that she was right.

“The fact that you didn’t even try and defend yourself proves I’m right so are you going to man up or pout?”

“I’m not pouting,” he tried to defend himself but it was too late and she gives him an annoyed look, “Want to go inside?”

She pushed off the door, took his hand in hers, and dragged him inside, “I thought you’d never ask.”

She clears her throat, drawing his attention back to the present and he hesitantly looks at her through the mirror. She doesn’t look exactly pleased that he had seen the last photo she’d held onto but she doesn’t let her bothered attitude show and gestures for him to sit at the kitchen island.

“Why are you here?” she asks him while getting things to make iced coffee. “I wanted to see how you were,” he lies, taking a seat in the tall wicker chair she’d thrifted a few months before.

“You had 15 years to do that. Why are you really here?”

“We got divorced.”

She freezes for a moment but continues to make herself a cup and offers him one. He shakes his head, awaiting her response.

“Oh?” is all that comes out of her as the rain drones on outside.

“It had been a long time coming.”

“I’m sorry,” her body language tells another story that is the opposite of her words. The indifference is clear as she passes him a cup made to his exact preference anyways. Feeling his bright blue eyes burning holes into her skull, her own eyes flicker up and meet his, “You can’t expect me to care. You cheated on me with her and dumped me the same week you married her.”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t expect you to feel bad for me,” he says, taking the cup from her hands.

“But here you are; showing up at my house and begging me to open the door to what? Talk? Talk about what? You didn’t come here just to tell me that so what is it?” she pries, leaning against the sink behind her to keep as much distance as she can between them.

He takes a sip and savors the thought that she absentmindedly put into it before answering her question, “I wanted to set things straight.”

She merely raises an eyebrow but allows him to keep talking.

“My dad arranged my marriage to Peggy and forced me to break it off with you. It was… I never…. I never cheated on you.”

Eyeing him from her place, she takes a long drink from her cup to think over his revelation. Half of her laughs at him and how stupid he must be if he thinks she is really going to believe that. The other part tenses at the idea that maybe they could have been together after all if they had run away like they planned.

“I lied because I thought it would be easier than telling the truth but it made everything worse and I’m sorry, honey.”

“Sorry doesn’t change anything regardless if you lied or not. Now you’ve said what you needed to, so leave,” she tells him, pointing at the door with the cup in her hand. He can see the scar on her hand from when she broke through a window after she’d locked herself out trying to sneak back in. A smile breaks onto his face which frustrates her even more.

“Really, Steve, you need to go.”

“Is this it? Is this how it ends?”

“Are you being serious right now?”

He holds up his left hand in his defense and the carved-out space where his wedding band once sat causes her breath to hitch slightly.

“I’ve spent the last 15 years thinking about YOU and what we could’ve had. You can’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind at least once?”

She drops her gaze to her cup, unable to look at him and the anguish clear on his beautiful features, “What does it matter? It didn’t happen. You got your perfect life and I had to make my own way.”

“You were always a part of what I wanted my life to look like and what I got with Peggy was all fake. I never wanted her or any of it for a second, I just wanted you,” the lull of his voice tempts her to look up again but if she does that, she’ll break. She can only imagine the way his brows pull together from stress or how his jaw clenches to stop the emotions from overtaking his senses. She can only imagine how he’d slowly blink with that sad smile of his when she would make eye contact or how he’d lower his voice to say her name in the softest tone he could manage.

“Go.”

“Honey please look at me.”

“Go,” she tries a little louder, her grip on the cup growing tighter as she struggles to keep her composure.

“Look at me first.”

“Go,” she says one more time, “Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go”

Each go grows more and more desperate as her composure slips away from her and everything she’s suppressed from the night he left comes rushing to the surface as lava does when its volcano starts to erupt. The cup shatters under her death grip, sending pieces of glass and iced coffee everywhere. Neither of them flinch at the sound, having grown used to much worse noises thanks to his business. However, the dam within breaks, and tears slip down her nose as she spaces out on the wreckage of her anger at her feet. Steve quietly stands from the island and gathers her into his arms, pulling her away from the mess on the floor. She doesn’t fight it, wrapping her arms around his bicep as she cries into it. The comforting words he whispers into her hair go unheard but she can feel the rumble of his voice in her chest and that provides all the comfort her body craves.

Feelings of fulfillment and joy fill him as he finally holds her in his arms again but it doesn’t last long when she starts to speak.

“You shouldn’t have come here.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t have come here.” He pulls away a little to look down at her, “I don’t understand.”

“You shouldn’t have come here,” she repeats for the third time, “Things were different when we were kids but we’re grown now and too much has happened. You’ve done too much, I’ve done too much for us to be together. This won’t work.”

“We weren’t kids though,” disbelief fills his voice with uncertainty causing it to wobble.

“Yes we are,” she persists, “You were 22 and I was barely 18. We were stupid to think it was anything more than a fling.”

“A fling?” he drops his arms from her and takes a staggered step back as if she shoved him.

She turns her back to him to spare herself the look of utter hurt he wears, “Please. Just go.”

Receding footsteps mix in with the rain as he does what she asked and leaves. Her front door slams shut and the shutter shakes the house as well as her. Dropping down to her knees on the sticky floor, the tears fall now like a tidal wave and the sobs rack through her body as she blindly tries to clean up the glass shards.

Love is not meant to feel this way.

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