#also I feel like it should be mentioned that from what we know of tommy's age everyone else was his senior | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yeollie-plz · 7 months

Text

Light The Flame

mbf! Joel Miller x F! Reader

Part 2

Synopsis: Your mom moves the two of you back to Texas and attempts to reignite an old flame. What will happen when she learns his candle now burns for you?

Genre: fluff, angst, and smut! the trifecta!

Warnings: divorced parents, mentions of cheating, no Sarah, no outbreak, drinking, age gap (reader is said to be in college but Joel's exact age isn't stated), Tommy is a bit of a sleaze, kissing, 18+ content, p in v sex, protected sex!, lots of different sexual acts, cursing

Gif credits to owners!

Inspired by this post from @deathsholywaterr ! I hope I did your idea justice!!

Also this shit is long so buckle up!

It had been about three months since your parents' divorce was officially finalized. Your dad had moved out long ago and with no other ties keeping her in California, she decided to move back to her hometown in Texas. And although you would miss your friends and the life you had in LA, you couldn't shake the feeling that you needed (and deserved) a change. Plus, you had just found out your boyfriend was sleeping with your so called best friend. So, yeah, you wanted to get out as soon as possible.

All of your stuff was packed into a moving van and moved across the United States. You knew Texas would be super different, but a welcome change. Not to mention a chance to reinvent yourself. Taking college classes and finding your path in life, that was the goal. But, of course, a girl still needs to have a bit of fun and you and you had heard Texas nightlife was very fun!

That's how you found yourself, perched on a barstool, at a downtown Austin bar, listening to drunk people sing karaoke only hours after unpacking your clothes. You giggled lightly to yourself as a very drunk man hit a way too high note. Rotating the barstool around to place your now empty glass on the counter and just as you were about to motion the bar tender over to order another a man settled in next to you. He leaned against the counter, a bit closer to you than you would've liked.

"Hello gorgeous, how 'bout you let me get you a drink?" His words slurred together as the smell of the beer on his breath wafted towards you. Your nose scrunched in disgust.

"How about no?" Your tone was sweet, but your words were not as you batted your eyelashes at the man. He was cute, but you weren't exactly in the mood for flirting especially with someone as intoxicated as him.

"Come on, one drink. We don't even gotta have a conversation, just wanna know your name. I'm Tommy by the way." He held out his hand, with how close he was it almost hit you in the face. You recoiled.

That's when a different man appeared next to the two of you, he grabbed Tommy by the bicep and yanked his hand back. Then pulled his body a few feet away from you, finally giving you the space you had been wanting the whole time.

"I'm sorry about him, sugar. My brother is an idiot and I'm an idiot for thinking he'd be okay alone for five minutes." He turns to Tommy. "Can't even let me pee, without causing me problems, can you?"

Trying to hold back your smile, you flattened out your skirt, getting rid of the imaginary wrinkles in it. The brother's eyes lock onto your hands, seemingly just now taking you in. He gulps as his eyes glaze over, then clears his throat.

"I really am sorry about him. Here, let me buy you a drink." He says and you almost giggle at how badly the two brothers want to buy you alcohol.

"Don't worry about it! Sadly, I am used to drunk men coming up to me. I appreciate it though, but honestly I should get home." He looks lost in thought, like he's debating offering to drive you home. But just as he opens his mouth Tommy slips and falls, almost taking his brother down with him. Then, who you're assuming is the older one tries to get him back to his feet.

He continues to struggle to get Tommy up, as you stand from your seat after placing a few dollars onto the bar for tip. Tommy drops to the floor again and he sighs. Ruffling through his pocket he pulls out his card and hands it to you.

With a quick, "If you ever want that drink." Before getting Tommy to his feet and pushing him back to where they must have been sitting. You glance at the card wanting to know his name.

Joel

A few days later, you found yourself at the grocery store. You wandered aimlessly through the aisles. Half in an attempt to orientate yourself with the new areas and half just looking for what sounded good. You wanted snacks, just weren't sure what exactly. As you pushed your now pretty full cart down the wine aisle, you saw a familiar face at the other end.

You tracked him with your eyes for a second before his met yours. A smile graced his lips, eyebrows raising in surprise. Honestly you were surprised yourself. Not only did he recognize you, but he was happy to see you.

Making his way towards you, he offered you a small wave, which you returned. Your cheeks heated up slightly, you remembered he was attractive, but now in the bright florescence it showed even more. Glancing down at your outfit, you cursed yourself for not putting in just a bit more effort this morning.

"Hello again." Joel said when he finally made it over to you.

"Hello again," You mirrored his words, "Wasn't sure you would recognize me just now." You cursed yourself at the words you let slip out. Insecurities on full display.

"Of course I would recognize that beautiful face again." He says nonchalantly, like he didn't just openly call you beautiful. Like he didn't just openly flirt with you!

Cheeks flushed, you cleared your throat, "Did...uh...did you and Tommy get home alright?" He smiles like you've said something funny.

"We did, you?" Awkwardly, you shift your weight.

"I did."

He looks at you with the same smile from before, something mischievous now playing in his eyes. Cocking his head at you, he looks like he is trying to get you to say more.

"You never called, don't want that drink, sugar?" Now you are adorning a playful look back. He was scared you weren't going to call him?

"I was getting to it." You say, simply. Not wanting to come off too desperate, but also not letting his hopes get dashed.

"I was really looking forward to seeing you again." Joel takes a step closer to you.

"I might be at the bar sometime this weekend, maybe you will." At your words his eyes darken slightly. He knows you are toying with him.

Taking one more step towards you he leans down, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, "Maybe I will." And he's trying to play back. He smirks at you before offering you another wave and walking off into the depths of the store.

You are left there, blinking and blushing at his retreating figure.

That weekend, you were doing your makeup oh so precisely. The dress you had picked out hugged your figure perfectly. You wore your best heels. Your hair was meticulous. Now to just hope Joel showed.

It's not like the two of you picked a specific day or time so what if he wasn't there? You couldn't think like that, you could only hope for the best and look your best too.

As you pushed open the door of the same bar you had first met Joel at the cool air washed over you, causing you to shiver. That's when your eyes met with his. It was almost like he had his eyes trained onto the door, just waiting for you to arrive. It looked like he chuckled at your shiver as he stood and made his way over to you.

"Cold princess?" His head cocked at you in amusement.

You crossed your arms, "Actually I'm just fine." And with a nod you saunter past him and towards the bar to order a drink.

He follows closely behind him and you just know he's smirking at your response. Joel lets you attempt, and fail, to gain the bartenders attention. Before he places a hand lightly on your shoulder and nods as if to say "watch this".

Bringing his fingers to his lips he blows out a loud whistle, your eyes widen in shock. He smirks down at you before making eye contact with the bar tender who is now staring incredulously at Joel.

"Joe, think you can get my girl here a drink?" My girl? He didn't mean it like that, he couldn't have.

"Only since she's so pretty. But you? I've told you about doing that, Miller. So annoying." The bartender, Joe, mumbles the last part more to himself but both you and Joel hear it. Joel laughs behind you, you feel the rumble of his chest against your back. A shiver runs down your spine.

He leans down, talking into your ear, "Sure you aren't cold?"

You roll your eyes, he knows what he's doing. Actually, he's doing it on purpose. Letting out a scoff, you readjust your position on the stool allowing your body to graze against Joel's a bit more. His hand reaches out to grip the edge of the bar. You can feel his eyes boring into you, his knuckles are turning white. Yep, you know what you're doing as well.

And just as Joel was about to say something else to you, Joe comes back with two drinks in hand. He passes a smaller glass to Joel, with what you assume is scotch in it. Then he passes a taller glass with a mixed drink in it to you. Its the same drink you got the other night you came in and you wonder how Joe remembered. But you brush it off as good customer service and take a sip of your fruity drink.

Joel smirks down at you as you are obviously enjoying your drink ad sips his as well. The ice clinks in his glass when he sits down the half empty vessel next to you.

Once again, he speaks into your ear, "Why don't we find a booth?" Nodding in response, he holds his hand out to you to help you off of the stool. You can't help the blush that rises to your cheeks at how much of a gentleman he is.

The two of you sat and talked for hours. Subtle flirts, learning about each other, anything and everything. Although you weren't sure you were ready for a relationship after the train wreck that was your last one, you enjoyed Joel's company and it seemed like he enjoyed yours. Plus, it didn't hurt to just have a strictly physical relationship, did it?

Thats how you found yourself agreeing to another date with Joel. Thats how you found yourself moving your hips into his on the dance floor. And thats how you found yourself in his bed later that night.

Currently he was sitting on the edge of the bed, your legs straddling his as you kissed fervently. Your hips moved seemingly on their own, grinding your clothed core down onto his jean clad member. He groans into your mouth when you grind down even rougher. Big hands grip onto your hips, stilling your movements.

"Careful princess." His voice is deep as he mutters into your lips before catching them in a deep kiss again. This causes you to now let out a moan. Damnit if you weren't the most turned on you've ever been.

Joel seems to catch onto the faster movements of your hips, knowing you need more. His lips trial down your neck to the juncture of your shoulder, he bits you lightly before licking over the marks. You gasp, bucking your hips forward at the feeling. He smirks against your skin and moves his lips down your exposed chest. Silently thanking yourself for wearing such a low cut top.

Lips ghost against the skin of your breast before he pulls your shirt aside to let one boob out of its constraints. He sucks your nipple into his mouth and that's when you fully loose yourself into the pleasure. If you weren't fucked before, you sure were now. Well...you were going to be soon hopefully.

Pulling off of your bud, his breath fans over the sensitive skin causing a shiver to run down your spine. Something flashes in his eyes as a smirk graces his lips.

"Either you're always cold or I really have an effect on you." He says, craning his neck back towards your lips. You roll your eyes before he's meeting lips with your own and flipping you over to lay on the bed.

Your head lands all but gracefully on the plush surface, his lips never leaving yours. The hands that were on your hips, now explored your body leaving goosebumps in their wake. One massaged your still covered breast, the other slowly made its way up the inside of your thigh. His fingers tentatively crossed over your core and up to the buttons of your pants. Your need to have him inside of you grew stronger as you lifted your hips involuntarily, trying to urge him to take of your pants.

"So desperate." Is all Joel says before he is popping open the first button. Then the next. Then the next. Slowly he unbuttons them all and pulls your pants just as slowly down your legs. The pace makes you whimper out.

He was right, you were desperate. But with how slow he was going, who wouldn't be?

"I want to taste that pretty pussy." Joel says as he finally makes eye contact with your lacy underwear.

"Please, I just want you inside me." He gives you a look at your words, like he wasn't sure you meant it. Or he wasn't sure you were that ready?

"Next time, please Joel just fuck me already."

He seems to contemplate this for a second, but ultimately agrees, "Your wish is my command."

He slips out of his own shirt and quickly slides his jeans off too. Standing there in just his underwear, you swear you could pass out from the view alone. But your head was too cloudy to say anything. Joel seemed to see the lust in your eyes and just shook his head before grabbing a condom from the nightstand.

"Take your shirt off for me, sugar." Its a bit more of a request than a command but you follow it like it was an order. You had to admit it was a bit sexy to be told what to do.

"Good girl, let me see how wet you are." He stands over you while stroking his hardening dick through his underwear. You watch in awe before following his instructions and pull your own panties off of you.

Spreading your legs, you display your pussy to him and he groans at the sight. He strokes himself a bit faster as you slide your fingers through your soaked folds. Fingers dip into your opening and you hold back your reaction, keeping your eyes locked onto his. When your fingers are thoroughly coated in your juice, you trail them up your torso to your mouth. Sucking your fingers in and licking them clean.

Darkness fills Joel's eyes as he decides this is the last straw and he is on top of you in a instant. Pulling your fingers out of your mouth he shoves them into his own, swirling his tongue around your digits.

Quickly he pushes off of you just to take off his underwear and slip the condom onto his painfully hard penis. You gulp at the sight, mouth watering like you've been in a desert for days. You make a note that next time you must also taste him.

But, these thoughts leave your head as quickly as they came because Joel is pushing his member into you. As the tip breaches your entrance, you are gasping and gripping onto his arms for support. You feel his muscles tensing under your fingertips as he begrudgingly paces himself, trying to let you adjust

You almost giggle at the pained look on his face. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you hook your ankles together and pull him the rest of the way inside of you. He has to catch himself from falling on top of you from both a mixture of shock and the forceful nature of your movement.

Eyes meet yours with a shocked look. You just give him a smirk and a shrug in return. Regaining his composure, he pulls out of almost completely. So painfully slowly that you almost keel over. You know its your punishment for what you had done and you were feeling the full force of your actions.

But, the punishing doesn't last long as he enters you again. He thrusts out to his tip again only quicker and rougher. Continuing this action of thrusting in and out of you picking up a tempo.

After letting out another moan when he slams into you particularly hard, you crane you neck slightly to see the look on his face. He seems to have fully lost himself in the pleasure. The teasing is all lost and he is now fully focused on getting you both to your orgasms.

Joel is now fucking into you with no more reservations. He reaches a hand between the two of you, using his thumb to rub your clit. He rubs the bud in circles, trying to work you towards your peak.

"Cum for me, princess." He says with a grunt, gripping your hips roughly. His hips snap into yours roughly.

You feel the beginnings of your orgasm. The coil in your stomach begins to tighten. Your hips buck up at the feeling, needing to orgasm.

"Joel!" You gasp out as you are pushed over the edge. You clench around his cock, pussy urging him to cum as well.

Working you through your orgasm, he continues his motions on your clit. He thrusts are getting a bit out of rhythm as he is also reaching his own peak. Leaning over you he reattaches his lips to yours, pushing his tongue into your mouth.

As his hips stutter into yours he is thrusting into you one last time before spilling his load into the condom. Joel moans into your mouth as he works himself through his orgasm. Hips slow down as his orgasm ends and Joel is plopping down next to you. Wrapping you in his arms as his member is still inside of you.

All that is heard in the room is heavy breathing for a minute as Joel's sweaty body surrounds yours. You look up at him and his eyes meet yours. A smile graces his lips before he is pecking your nose and bringing you even closer to him.

Eventually, he pulls out of you and ties of the condom. Moving to toss it in the en suite before returning just to wrap you back into his warm embrace.

After the first time you and Joel hooked up, the two of you hung out at least three times a week. You would go to the bar, get a few drinks, talk a bit, laugh a bit. But you would always end up back at Joel's place. In his bed. In his arms.

Your mom was also starting to catch onto something going on with you. With you coming home late, giggling on your phone, smiling randomly at the thought of Joel. Not to mention, you were acting a bit shady. Even your friend noticed a change when she called you the other day.

But it was nothing but physical, right? Right...

Pushing open the door as silently as you could, you slightly stumbled into the dark house. Still a little tipsy as well as a bit of jelly legs from your earlier activities. Slipping off your shoes and picking them up so your heels wouldn't echo, you tried to reach the stairs to your room.

The minute your hand grabbed the banister, the lights in the living room flipped on like some movie scene. Your mom sat on the couch, arms crossed staring at you.

Jumping you tried to calmly greet her, "Hey mom."

"Don't 'hey mom' me, where have you been?" She was never this serious, so it scared you slightly.

"Out, I found a bar in town and I've been hanging out there." You didn't want to mention Joel just yet. One because how did you explain to your mom that you had a fuck buddy. And two that that fuck buddy was almost twice your age.

"By yourself?" Shit, she saw right through you.

"I mean, I talk to a few people there. Made friends with the bar tender. Well sort of, he's a bit serious and-"

She held up her hand to stop your rambling. You snapped your mouth shut.

"Who drove you home?" Joel had been driving you home from his house almost every time you guys hung out. He didn't like you taking a taxi that late.

You gulped, "I got a taxi."

"I know that's not true, Y/N. You're seeing someone. I can tell. You're different since we moved here and I think it has to do with someone." Your eyebrows furrow at her confession. Was she mad at you for staying out or mad at you for keeping secrets from her?

"Okay, maybe I am. I'm an adult!" You really weren't sure what she wanted to hear at this moment.

"You are, but I just want to make sure you are responsible."

Now you were rolling your eyes and crossing your arms back at her.

"Responsible? I can assure you I am." What did she think? That you were going around sleeping with randos and not using protection?

"Good," She stood up now and made her way over to you, "I just want to make sure you're okay, sweetie. After all that happened before..." She trailed off when she saw the hurt on your face at the mention of your ex.

She continued, "Anyways, I can see you're happy, so I won't pester you much about it anymore. But, can you at least try to come home earlier. You know I worry." She places a kiss on your forehead and moves past you up the stairs a bit, only turning back to hear your reply.

"I will, I'm sorry you were worried." You smile at her, she returns that smile.

Making her way to her room she shouts back one more thing before closing herself in her room, "And I wanna meet him sometime!"

This has you gulping, breathing cut short, body rigid. How were you going to get out of this one?

The next morning as you sluggishly made your way to the kitchen, you were greeted by your overly excited mother.

"Morning sweetie!" You almost cringe at her loud voice, feeling the effects of your late night.

"Morning." You grumble out, before making your way to the pantry to find something to eat.

She's humming to herself as she cooks some eggs on the stove. At first you don't think much of it, until you notice her almost bouncing on the balls of her feet. It makes you take a pause, she was excited about something and she definitely wanted to tell you about it.

"Why are you so happy?" You ask with a smile in your voice. Leaning against the pantry door, you make eye contact with her. She blushes, smiles, and then looks back down at her eggs.

"Remember how I told you I went out with a group of friends from high school the other night?" You nod recalling how she animatedly told you about that night and all the nostalgia.

"Well, we are all hanging out again tonight. I'm just excited." Now you nod in acknowledgement. But she did seem a bit more excited than just a hang out, eh whatever.

You went back to looking for your cereal, grabbing it and a bowl. While pouring your cereal into your bowl, your mom speaks again.

"Plus, I might have a man too." Jumping slightly at her confession, you almost spill your cereal. You weren't sure you were ready for her to date again. It seemed weird after your parents had just divorced. You'd never seen either of them with anyone else, just strange.

She continues without you saying anything, "We went to school together. Used to have a bit of crush on him back then, but never worked out. Anyway, he was with us that other night and when I tell you he aged well!"

Almost laughing at how your mom was acting like one of your friends. Cute little crush and everything! You still felt a bit weird about hearing something like this from her. First of all, ew! Second of all, was she ready?

"Oh, that's nice." Is all you can manage to say, before taking a bite of your cereal, that you had just finished pouring milk into.

"'That's nice.'" She repeats, setting her spatula down and not making eye contact with you.

"Yeah, mom, that's nice. It will be nice for you, after dad..." You trail off, not sure if this is a sore subject or not. The two of you didn't talk much about the divorce anymore. So you thought it better to tread lightly.

"I think so too." She says, a bit more happier now as she resumes her eggs.

Yep, it will be nice.

After your awkward breakfast with your mom, you returned to your room to text Joel. If your mom was going out, you might as well too, right?

A few minutes later, your phone buzzed with a message. Quickly dropping whatever you were previously doing you crashed down onto your stomach on your bed. Kicking your feet as you unlocked your phone to read the message.

Joel: Sorry, sugar but I have plans tonight. Tomorrow?

You sigh, guess everyone was busy tonight.

You: No worries! See you tomorrow!

Sighing, you flipped onto your back, staring at your ceiling trying to think of what was going to keep you occupied tonight.

You decided to take the time for a self care night. Painted your nails, did a face mask, read a bit, before ultimately ending up in the bath.

The soak felt nice and after weeks of not focusing on yourself enough, it also felt nice to just relax. Plus, if you were glowing the next time you saw Joel, he probably wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of you.

That's how you found yourself, wrapped up in your soft robe propped up at your vanity. Hair wrapped in a towel while you rubbed lotion into your legs.

Just as you were finishing up, the doorbell rang downstairs. Sighing, not really wanting an interruption, but needing to answer it nonetheless. You pushed up from your seat and made your way downstairs. Not even bothering to change out of your robe.

And you would have never expected what you were about to see on the other side of the door as you swung it open.

There stood Joel and another lady, trying to hold up your very drunk mother. Eye immediately lock onto Joel's, an apologetic look on his face as he wasn't sure what to say.

Your mother however saw you and tried to rush at you to hug you. Slurring about this and that. How much fun she had, how pretty you were, anything and everything that came to her inebriated mind.

Joel and the lady held her back, trying to keep her on her feet and off of you. After the initial shock of the moment, you finally realized they were probably trying to get you to let them inside.

"Oh! Um, come in. I'm sorry about her, uh maybe just put her on the couch?" You gesture towards the living room and move aside to let all three of them through. Joel glances back at you as you close the door, eyes also trained onto him.

They try to place your mother onto the couch as carefully as they can, but she falls to the side anyways. You are almost horrified at the situation. Joel, here. Your mom, drunk. Joel with your drunk mom.

Joel clears his throat while the lady is busying herself with your mom, "As you can see, she's a bit tipsy." He states the obvious, you bite your lip as he shuffles from foot to foot nervously.

"A bit." You conclude.

"Yeah, uh, it might have been my idea to play a drinking game. Sorry!" The lady on the couch calls over her shoulder, returning to your mom.

Your eyes never leave Joel's. As the shock subsides, you finally put some pieces together. Your mom was going to see some high school friends. Joel was one of your mom's high school friends. You were hooking up with your mom's friend. Fuck!

Joel tries to read your face, you can see how he wants to go over to you. Wants to apologize properly or explain himself. Anything to make you feel better.

"Sug-Uh, Y/N right?" He almost lets his pet name for you out. You nod, like he doesn't moan out your name nightly.

"'m Joel and that's Linda." You nod again. What then fuck is happening right now?

"Do you think we should take her upstairs?" The lady, Linda, finally turns to look at you. She scans you and you only just now realize what you are wearing. Or lack of what you are wearing. Eyes shift to Joel, who is seemingly now taking in your appearance as well. You notice his Adam's apple bob a bit as he tries to wet his now very dry mouth.

"I mean, she will probably be fine there. One night on the couch isn't so bad." You try to joke but Linda's face stays stern.

"I'll take her up, can you bring her some water?" She looks to you and you nod again, now gulping at how serious she is.

Linda grabs your mom off the couch and surprisingly easily takes your mom up the stairs.

"The door on the left." You call out, realizing you never told her. Linda grunts in acknowledgement before taking your mom into your room. The second the door closes, Joel speaks.

"Linda's a bit serious."

"A bit serious? I was gonna say scary." He laughs at your statement.

"She is, isn't she?" He laughs again, before stopping as his eyes latch onto yours.

"Baby..." He trails off, not sure what to say.

"So, you're friends with my mom?" He nods. You open your mouth once, twice, before closing it again. Also not sure what to say.

"Obviously, I didn't know until she gave me the address tonight. Then I didn't know what I was going to say to you. I couldn't act like I knew you and-" He stops his rambling as you step towards him, placing a hand on his chest.

"It's okay, I know you didn't know. I know you wouldn't keep something like that from me." His hand engulfs yours, pulling it up to his mouth to peck your palm.

"You're so good to me." Taking a step closer, his forehead rests on yours.

You giggle, "You're so good to me."

The two of you sit there in silence for a second before he speaks again.

"You look so pretty right now, angel. I wish I could kiss you."

"You could." You confirm, bringing your face closer to his.

And right as he is about to attach his lips to yours, something crashes up stairs. you jump back from Joel at the sound before the two of you rush upstairs. Just to find Linda and your mom on the floor, laughing. You sigh in relief before noticing the pile of book knocked off the bookshelf.

"What happened?" You ask.

"She fell while trying to put her pants on. Knocked over all these books and me." Linda replies in between laughs. Only a bit shocked by her switch in emotions, you sign again.

"It's okay, you guys have done enough. I'll put her to bed now and clean that up in the morning. Thank you for everything." Linda nods, stands, and dusts herself off. Before looking to Joel who just gestures for her to go first.

Joel glances back at you once last time. Almost taking a step towards you, before shaking his head and following behind Linda.

The front door closes down stairs and your attention returns to your mom who is still sitting on the floor. Her head is slumped over and her breathing is even, like she has fallen asleep just like that.

"Come on, mom, let's get you to bed." You reach under her arms to lift her up. She doesn't help but falls into another giggling fit. Trying so hard not to laugh to you push her down under her seats, tucking her in just like she used to when you were little.

"That was him." She says all of a sudden.

"That was who?" You reply, not fully listening as you pick up one of the books.

"The guy I was telling you about. The one that grew up well. He's hot right?" You stop mid movement of picking up another book. What?

But before you can even say anything else soft snores come from the bed. You stand up and place the book back onto their shelf. Leaving the room silently.

You lean against the door once you shut it, stomach tying into knots.

The guy your mom is interested in is the guy that you are currently seeing. What the fuck?

The next morning it was your mom's turn to come into the kitchen groaning. Holding her head she sits at one of the barstools at the island.

"Morning sunshine." You greet her with a laugh while sipping your coffee.

She just grunts in response, you laugh again. Turning to make her her own mug of coffee, knowing that's exactly what she wants right now.

You slide it over to her, her eyes widen for only a second before lifting the mug to her lips. As soon as the liquid touches her tongue she is smiling into the brim of it.

"Thank you." She says as she places it back onto the counter. You raise your own mug to her in a "you're welcome" gesture. She sighs.

"Did I embarrass myself last night?" Groaning again while rubbing her temples.

You laugh, "Only a little." Holding up a pinching gesture with the hand not holding your coffee.

You take a sip while your mom speaks again, "Oh! But you met Joel right? What do you think?" And that's when you choke. You were kind of hoping she didn't bring up Joel.

"That bad?" Your mom chuckles while you try to recover from your coughing fit.

"Uh...um he didn't seem too bad." You finally say as you recover just enough to let the words out.

Your mom only nods, taking your short answer as enough.

What were you going to do?

You had sent a text earlier in the day to confirm with Joel that the two of you were still on for tonight. Although, you were a bit confused by the whole situation currently. You knew how you felt about Joel and honestly you were tired of hiding it from not only yourself but also him.

Now you could only hope he felt the same. That hope, however, came fully to fruition when the you showed up to Joe's bar and Joel was standing there waiting for you, bouquet in hand. You almost teared up at the gesture.

When you crossed the bar to him, he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling your body into his. He placed a kiss on the top of your head before handing the flowers to you.

"Sorry again about last night." You hit his chest at his statement. He backs up in shock, mouth wide open. His dramatics make you laugh.

"Stop saying sorry, it isn't your fault. My mom should be apologizing to you!"

"Still I should've at least warned you we were coming." Dramatics dropped as he looks down at his feet.

"While you were driving? Joel Miller!" Now you are the one being overdramatic and it makes him laugh like it had made you laugh.

"Fine, but I still feel bad."

You sigh, "Fine, but you're not sitting in this corner all night! Dance with me!" You grab his hand and pull him onto the dance floor.

When you start dancing he is only swaying his hips a bit, not fully into it. But you aren't having any of that, you grab his arms and slide his hands down your sides. Flipping around so your ass makes contact with his crotch. This seems to make him react as he grabs your hips in almost a warning.

Although, of course, this only eggs you on to continue your teasing. Grinding your hips back into his like that very first night the two of you hooked up. You spin back around, hands moving up his stomach and chest finally resting latched behind his neck. Your head is tossed back as you continue to move your hips dangerously close to his own. Neck is on full display for Joel and he takes this as an opportunity to crane down and place a soft kiss there.

His head now rests on your shoulder using his hands to help move your hips in time with his. You smile, he must be feeling a bit better now. So when he raises his head out of the crook of your neck you raise your own to meet eyes.

But you don't see lust there, you see something else. Love? It makes you gulp, goosebumps raising on your skin as he leans down to bring his lips to yours.

And when he pulls away, "I want you." He says, but it isn't in the lustful way he usually says it. Not sure how to reply, you smirk teasingly.

"Then take me."

"Not like that, baby. I-I want you. I-" Words seem to stop at the top of his throat, fearing that they will topple over.

Still unsure, you say the first thing that comes to mind, "You have me. I've been yours for a while, Joel." The look in his eyes sparks almost unnoticeably.

"You're mine?" You nod. "Promise?" Another nod.

"Come home with me?" Instead of answering, you attach your lips to him.

Waking up in Joel's arms felt so much different than all the times you had been in his bed and in his arms before. Something about the intimacy of your conversation from the night before and the intimacy of being in his bed now. You were just so serene. It felt right. There was no other way to describe it.

Obviously, after leaving Joe's you ended up at Joel's place once again. Although this time you had told your mom so she wouldn't worry and you had also, at Joel's request, told her that you weren't going to come home at all tonight.

Of course, like all the nights before Joel and you had ended up fucking, but last night felt different. It was slower, it was intimate, it was like he was making love to you. If you had asked Joel he would tell you that's exactly what he was doing.

Glancing over at Joel, you see that he is still asleep. You try to carefully let yourself out of grip to get out of bed but his strong arms keep you there.

As you try again, he just grips you tighter letting out a groan. He opens his eyes slowly.

"Don't leave me." He says while still waking up.

"I'm not leaving, Joel, I-" He cuts you off by pulling you roughly into his side.

"Joel-" you warn with a squeak as he pushes on your stomach with the heel of hi hand. "-I need to pee."

He still doesn't let you up. Just nuzzles his face into your hair. His breath tickles your neck.

"If you don't let me go, I'll end up peeing in your bed." You try to warn him again and finally he lets you go with a sigh.

But before you can make it fully into the bathroom he is calling out behind you.

"You're mine?" Your eyes roll.

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Joel." Another warning tone.

"Promise." This time it wasn't a question.

"I promise. Now let me go pee!"

After peeing, you returned to Joel who was still sprawled out in bed. He brought you back into his arms as quickly as he could. The two of you stayed like that for a while, just bathing it each other's warmth.

Until Joel's hands started wandering. First it started with rubbing soothing circles onto your back. Then the circles moved to your thighs. The circles becoming less soothing and more whimper inducing. Then they moved to just above the waistband of your pants (boxers you had borrowed from Joel). Only for them to dip past that waistband just a second later. Now teasing your already dripping slit.

Whimpering out, Joel caught your sound with his lips. Letting his tongue taste yours. The kiss was slow, passionate. No matter how much he wanted you, he was taking it slow.

His fingers continued teasing your pussy lips, collecting your juices before slipping just the tip of fingers past your folds. Gasping, you bit down on his lip, causing him to groan into your mouth. The shock made him loose himself for a second but he recovered quickly and continued teasing you.

He did this for a minute or two never letting his lips leave yours. Bringing his fingers to your clit he rubbed the bud a few times before slipping his hand out of pants. You whined at the loss.

"I need to be inside of you. Can't wait any longer." He says before pushing you to turn around so he was now behind you.

You heard Joel rustling through his nightstand for a second before tearing open a package. Shifting away from your warmth for only a second to slide his underwear down and slip the condom on.

As quickly as he can he is returning to touching you, hand moving up under your shirt. Lips are on your neck nipping and sucking lightly at the sensitive skin.

The hand in your shirt moves up to tease your boob, massaging both of them. The other hand is moving back to the waistband of your pants, slipping them down your legs as much as he can in the position that you are in. You help him by lifting your hips a bit.

Joel slides his dick into you from behind, it being easy from till being a bit stretched out from last night. Not to mention all the teasing and the amount of wetness that is almost dripping down your thighs at this point.

You don't even need to adjust to the stretch, "Please Joel." You breath out. He continues fucking into behind and kissing at your neck.

Hand is still in your shirt, just holding onto your tit. The other is holding your hip in place, like he thinks you'll slip away from him. He is fully seated inside of you when he slowly pulls out of you to hi tip, before fucking back into all the way to the hilt.

He continues his slow and steady pace, just taking his time with your body. Needing to feel all of you. Needing you.

Thrusting his dick in and out of you. Working both of you towards your release. Morning sex with Joel was definitely different than any of the sex you've ever had with him before but you were loving it. You loved how he was taking his time. He didn't want either of you to get overstimulated.

The hand that was on your hip wrapped around to tease your clit. The strokes were as slow as his thrusts. But he strokes once particularly roughly and you are moaning, turning your head to try and meet lips with Joel. He obliges and connects your lips.

This is what sends you hurtling towards your end. The softness of the kiss, the circles on your clit, and the slow yet perfect thrusts. It crashes over you unexpectedly and has you moaning out loudly disconnecting your lips just so you can catch your breath.

And the feeling of your walls clenching onto his member has him closer to his peak quickly as well. He's usually very sensitive in the morning so he isn't very surprised. So when you seemed to have caught your breath and you no longer are jerking with your orgasm, Joel is placing his lips back on yours. Kissing you deeply as he swallows your breathy moans from the overstimulation.

This causes him to reach his peak, cumming into the condom with a throaty moan. Thrusting roughly into you a few times to work himself through his orgasm. When he is finished he is pulling out of you and using your shoulder to turn you back to face him.

He pulls your head into his chest. Breathing is still a bit labored as the two of you just feel the other person. Appreciating the comfort. Breathing in each other's scents, content.

Later that day after a shower, with Joel, he drove you back to your house to drop you off. You didn't have any clothes with you after all, so you at least had to change and because you didn't exactly want to leave Joel yet, when you didn't see your mom's car in the driveway you convinced Joel to come up with you.

He didn't protest much after you promised him your mom would not be returning any time soon. So he followed you through the house and into your room. You ushered him in and watched as he took it all in. Shutting the door behind you two, you made your way across the room to Joel.

Wrapping your arms around him from behind as he looked at some pictures on your desk. You hadn't realized until now but Joel had never seen the way you lived and it was comforting to finally have him in your space.

"That's when I was seven." You said as he picked up a picture of you with a soccer ball in hand, blue jersey hanging on your little torso. "I begged my dad to sign me up for soccer and only did it for about three weeks before I decided I hated it." You laugh at the memory.

He laughs too and places it down, now picking up a picture of you and your friend from prom.

"That feels like ages ago." You muse, "There used to be another girl in this picture but she uh she fucked my boyfriend so I cut her out." You nod into his back before disconnecting your arms and moving across the room to sit on your bed. Playing with your hands, he places the photo down and moves to sit with you.

"I'd never do that to you." He says after a beat of silence.

"Fuck my boyfriend? I hope not." You try to joke but it doesn't fully reach your voice.

Joel grabs your hands, "Cheat on you." He says the thing you weren't sure you wanted to hear. You open your mouth but aren't sure what to say.

So he speaks instead, "You deserve the world and I want you to know that I'm prepared to give it to you." You smile, finally bringing your eyes to his.

"You sound so old!" You jest as you hit his chest. He grabs your wrist using it pull you forward into him. You fall into his chest, Joel uses that as an opportunity to stable you by a hand on your hip.

"If I really was that old, I don't think I could fuck you the way I do." He tone is laced with seduction as he brings his lips to ghost yours. Breath fans over your face, causing you to shiver. He smirks almost bringing up the inside joke of you being cold all the time. But throws this away to instead attach his lips to yours.

The kiss is fiery, not like the ones from this morning that were filled with passion, this one was like he needed to prove something. Prove he would always be yours and you would always be his.

His lips and his hands have you so much in a trance that neither of you hear a car pulling into the driveway. Or the front door opening. Or your mom calling out your name. Or climbing up the stairs. Or opening your door.

But you do hear the gasp and the sound of bags dropping to the floor as your mom sees the two of you. Pulling away quickly both you and Joel jump away from each other like a fire was just lit between you. Your head snaps to look at your mom and then back to Joel and notice she is doing the same thing with the both of you.

"Mom, I-" You try to explain but loose your words and good thing too because they would be falling on deaf ears anyways. With her blinking twice and rushing out of the room, back down the stairs, out of the house, and driving away.

You look back to Joel who has a mortified look on his face, then back to the doorway your mom was just in.

"Shit."

Part 2 !!!!!!!

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wandasslut3000 · 2 months

Text

Welcome to the neighborhood

Pairing: MILF!Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, unspecified age gap, mentions of death and cheating, mutual pining, alcohol consumption, switch!reader, powerbottom!wanda, fingering, scissoring, marking, praise, fluff and aftercare.

WC: 3.2k

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The house next door was just sold, a moving truck and furniture adorning the once peaceful lawn. Wanda was observing you through her window, a light flush on her cheeks as she noticed the tight grip your shirt had on your body. Your muscles slightly flexing as you carry one box after another into your new home.

Some movers were also there to help, but Wanda paid them no mind, she just couldn't pull her eyes away from you. She didn't know what it was but something about you made her heart beat faster, she hadn't even met you yet, let alone know your name and you already had such an alluring grip on the older woman.

Suddenly, as though you felt her gaze on you, your head turned and you made eye contact with her. Wanda's breath hitching as she meets your burning stare. You wink in her direction, a small smirk on your lips as you watch her cheeks darken through the window, a tight grip on the curtain slightly tugging the fabric.

Quickly regaining herself, Wanda sends a short smile back, before an idea pops into her mind. Hesitantly, leaving the window's view, she goes over to the base of the stairs.

"Boys!" She calls for her twins, a small patter of steps followed by "Yes Mom?" as they made their way down the stairs to her. "Did you know we have a new neighbor?" she smiles at them and their eyes widen in excitement.

"Really? Who?" Billy asks before Tommy interrupts. "Can we go say hi to him? Does he have a dog? I bet he has a dog!"

Wanda giggles at her boys before she corrects the latter. "She is in the house next door, and I'm not really sure who she is yet, but what do you boys think about making a new friend?"

Both nod in agreement, "We should make her cookies!" Billy suggests and Wanda beams at her son.

"That's a great idea honey."

The next day the boys grab their plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies and rush up to your door, their mother right behind them. Wanda couldn't lie that she did in fact get herself ready for you, wanting to make a good appearance in your presence.

"Welcome to the neighborhood!" Both twins greet you as you open the door, a confused smile on your face, but still you accept it, bending down to their height and thanking them. "We made you cookies." Tommy smiles, "They were Billy's idea though."

You practically melt at their sweet gesture. "Thank you so much, you guys are so sweet!" You then look up to be met with the same green irises that were watching you the previous day.

Standing back up, you reach out for her hand.

"Hi, you must be their mother, I'm Y/n, nice to meet you." You send her a charming smile and Wanda can practically feel her knees buckle.

"Yes, hello dear, I'm Wanda, and these are my boys, Billy and Tommy." She gestures to the eight year olds, both of them beaming at you in curiosity.

"Well it's nice to meet all of you, would you like to come inside? There's not really much because y'know, I'm still getting settled, but you can still look around if you'd like." You softly ramble, your hands moving to play with the rings on your fingers.

Wanda loves how you got all flustered around her, she nods and the twins squeal in joy as they rush inside the house.

"Oh lord.. boys! Get back here, you don't just run into other people's homes!" But it was already too late, both of them had gone inside to explore, not hearing their mother as they went to the opposite ends of the house.

Leaving both of you alone at the threshold.

You shake your head. "No no, it's fine really, it's cute if anything." Wanda smiles at you again, something she notices is starting to come up a lot more in your presence. You gesture her inside and bring her into the living room, a few boxes in the corners while the couch and coffee table were already in place.

You sit down on the couch and pat down for her to sit next to you. Placing the cookies on the table in front of you both.

"Thank you so much for these by the way, did you make them?" The older woman finds herself in a struggle to speak at the closeness between you two. "I- um I helped them a little."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm."

"So.. how's your husband?" This made Wanda halt, her breath hitching and eyebrows furrowing at the random question. "What?"

You chuckle at her sudden confusion.

"Well you're wearing a wedding band, and your children are running around somewhere in my house, so I can only assume a gorgeous woman like yourself is married."

She rolls her eyes before shaking her head in a rush of sadness.

"Actually he um.. He passed away around this time a few years ago, I- I guess I just wear it because I'm so used to it." Wanda sighs, twisting the ring on her finger, and you instantly regret asking the question.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know." You whisper and she just smiles dismissively.

"No sweetheart, it's alright.. I'm over it, I found out he was cheating on me awhile back so, I guess he got what he deserved." You both fall into a fit of laughter, her humor being unexpected in such a dark topic.

"Oh my god! Sorry! I'm so sorry- I know that's not funny..." You wheeze out, and she just giggles along with you.

"It's okay." She nods at you, taking your hand in hers and stroking it with her thumb. "I like your laugh, it's adorable." Wanda flutters her eyelashes towards you and your cheeks redden at the complement.

"T-Thank you."

Weeks went by and Wanda and the twins kept coming over, becoming regular houseguests. Some days it would be the opposite, where you were the one accompanying them for dinner or lunch.

Saturday night was officially 'movie night' where the twins would drag you over and you would all watch a movie of their choosing. Usually something from Disney or Pixar.

Today was Saturday which meant that tonight you would be over at the Maximoff's. Having promised Tommy that you would let them watch a scary movie. You didn't really see the need to dress up so you decided on an oversized shirt and some sleeping shorts.

When you knocked on the door, you were greeted by Wanda herself, her body covered in a pink satin robe that hugged her figure perfectly, her breasts pushed up slightly as you noticed the soft mounds cupped by black lace.

"Hi honey, sorry I forgot to tell you, the boys are at a sleepover tonight." You're brought back into reality at the sound of her voice, and you blink rapidly.

“Oh, that's alright, I'll go then, have a good night." You smile and turn away ready to leave when she calls back to you.

"Y/n wait, come inside, I could use a bit of company anyway." She smiles, and you just can't bring yourself to say no to that face. You slowly approach her, walking past her and suddenly you had never felt smaller.

Mindlessly you make your way into the living room, just as you've done dozens of times before. Sitting down on her couch while she goes off into the kitchen. Coming back with some wine and two glasses.

You smile at her for her kindness, which she returns. Placing the bottle down on the table, and passing you a glass, she moves to sit next to you, opening and pouring the wine into each glass. Turning to face you she holds her face with her palm, eyeing you with an expectant look as you both take a sip.

"How've you been malyash?" A slight accent in her words.

"I- um, I've been alright, how about you?" You could barely find yourself to speak as you felt some sort of tension in the air. So you quickly took a larger sip of wine, grimacing at the taste of the alcohol.

"I'm better now that you're here." She winks and you miserably try to hide your flustered expression.

A few hours go by with you both talking and getting to know each other better. The wine slightly getting to both of your heads as you both enjoy the time to yourselves.

Soon, you're both sitting in her bed, watching a movie together side by side under the covers. A steamier scene pops up on screen and your breath hitches slightly when you feel a cold hand start to rub circles on your thigh.

You turn to Wanda and she doesn't pull her attention away from the movie, her hand moving higher up your thigh and closer to your core, your breathing getting heavier.

Finally she turns to you, and you feel yourself get lost in her beauty for a moment, right before she speaks. "Y/n can I ask you something?"

"Of course." A little silence followed and she slowly debates if she should even tell you "What is it Wanda?

"Kiss me?"

"What?" You ask, shocked at her boldness, yet your whole body encased itself in a layer of heat, blood rising to your cheeks. She smirks at your reaction, biting her lip softly as she straddles your lap, taking your face into her hands.

Almost closing the distance between the two of you.

Just before she makes contact, her lustful eyes drop down to your parted lip. "I said.. kiss me." She whispers teasingly, and you shiver. Your lips then pressed against hers, her hands moving to grip into your hair.

Yours travel to her waist before sliding down to her ass, gripping at her through her robe. Bringing your dominant hand underneath, you discover that the older woman wasn't wearing any panties, your fingers instantly meeting her wetness.

Finding her clit, you slowly circle the little bundle of nerves. "O-Oh!" Wanda breaks the kiss in an affected gasp, her mouth falling open as her eyebrows furrow in pleasure.

Yet it's still not enough for her. Slowly she starts to grind down on your fingers and thigh, grabbing onto your shoulders for support as she tries to use the friction to get herself off.

“Fuck, you feel so good-" She squeals, your free hand moving to the tie of her robe, but she slaps it away.

Still humping your leg, the woman moves to untie the knot, the satin falling open and leaving her in her lace bra, reaching behind her and unclipping it with ease.

"You're so beautiful" You gasp as she throws the robe and her bra onto the floor.

"Thank you detka, you’re doing such a good job for me."

She practically screams as she cums. Her wetness smearing against your skin.

You trail kisses from her sternum to her neck and then finally to her lips when she comes back down from her climax. A small smile coming from her, breaking the kiss as she pushes you down onto the bed.

"You made me feel so good baby, you're just my perfect girl aren't you?" You whimper and nod rapidly, wanting nothing more than for Wanda to have her way with you. To absolutely ruin you.

"All yours."

Her hands move to strip you of your clothes, leaving you bare in front of her. You whine as she straddles her pussy on yours, your wetness rubbing against hers, earning groans from the both of you at the contact.

You throw your head back as she starts to grind against you, your wet clits brushing against each other repeatedly.

Wanda goes to suck harshly at the sensitive skin at your neck, your mouth dropping in pleasure.

"Uh- uh huh, oh-h fuck please!" You moan as she gains speed, your hands moving to Wanda's back and your nails digging into her skin. A sharp hiss comes from her before she pins your wrists above your head.

Your eyes roll back into your skull as she practically slams her pussy on yours, her entrance and outer lips rubbing perfectly against your puffy bundle of nerves. "I'm gonna cum- god, ah! Please, I wanna cum!" You mindlessly babble as your hips start thrashing against hers.

"Go on sweet girl, cum with me, show m-me how good I make you f-feel." Wanda's words come out slightly broken and breathless, her accent running through her voice as it rang in your ears. Her permission is the last thing you need to get to your release.

Both of you gasp as you reach your peaks, Wanda bending down to connect your lips in a messy and desperate kiss. Her hands moving from your wrists, and finding their way back onto your face as she holds you close. Soon her lips move to press little kisses all over your face making you smile.

"You're so perfect." She says in a teasing baby voice. "So so pretty." Her finger goes to slide down the bridge of your nose as she adjusts herself so she's no longer on top of you but next to you.

Your face turns red at the attention. "Stoppp." You groan, turning away to avert your eyes from her burning gaze. "Never." She whispers in your ear, a shiver falling over you at the huskiness in her voice. You turn to face her with a wide smile.

“Good, I don’t really want you to”

You both fall into a fit of giggles at your cheesy actions before you fall into eachothers gazes, getting lost in eachothers eyes in a small pocket of silence. Wanda moves to cup your cheek and starts to stroke her thumb on it, your gaze falling to her lips for a moment before looking back into her forest eyes.

"Can I kiss you again?" She smiles at the question but nods, your lips now on hers in a more sensual and passionate way. In between kisses she says, "You don’t have to ask." You giggle, kissing her a few more times before pulling the covers over your naked bodies and holding each other close.

"Thank you Wanda." You mumble in your sleepy state and she can't the little grin that goes onto her face once more. "For what malaysia?"

“For knocking on my door.” She smiles at that and goes to say something, however she cuts herself off when she hears a soft snore come from you. She adjusts herself to nuzzle your head into her neck as you hold her tight.

The next morning Wanda wakes up to an empty bed. The spot you once resided in now empty and cold. At first a large frown appeared on her face, the first thought in her mind was that it might have all been a dream.

But the smell of cinnamon filled her nostrils making her second guess her theory.

The scent was soon followed by your thumping footsteps up the stairs. You walk into her bedroom with a tray in your hands.

You'd made her breakfast. Wanda soon feels her cheeks burn and her smile widening at the sight of you in her clothes and taking time out of your day to make her food.

"What's all this?" She asks, sitting up slightly as she inspects the tray before her. "I made you breakfast." You smile before moving to explain.

"I made you some french toast and scrambled eggs with sausage." She didn't say anything as she let you ramble on. "Uh- and here's some strawberries, also I didn't know if you wanted it or not but I got you water with ice. Obviously if you don't want the ice then-."

Wanda cuts you off by placing her thumb against your lips. "Breathe baby." Your eyes fall onto her still naked body and instantly do as she says, a small smirk forming on her lips as her finger brushes against your bottom lip:

"Thank you so much love bug, you're so thoughtful for making me all this, but I don't think I can finish it all by myself."

"Let's eat it together, yeah?" She suggests and you smile and nod before grabbing and handing her a shirt when you notice her shiver at the coldness of the room.

You move to sit next to her, moving the food over to make room for the both of you. Wanda goes to grab a fork and take a bite of the eggs and she lets out a surprised expression.

"Y/n, this is actually really good." You let out a gasp of fake offense.

"Why are you acting so surprised?"

"I- Not that it's a bad thing, but I just didn't expect you to be a good cook." You burst into laughter.

"That's what you were thinking about when you first met me? If I was a good cook or not?" You tease and she rolls her eyes.

"Shut up and eat your food." You push her arm playfully but go back to eating. Once you both finished the plate and water, you reached for the strawberries and moved the tray to the floor. You then lay on your back with the bowl of strawberries on top of your abdomen.

Wanda reaches for one and pops it into her mouth, munching on it happily as she leans on her hand, her right hand holding her head up while her left one brushes up and down your arm.

You smile as this is the type of morning you've dreamed of spending with someone, most especially her.

"I wanna stay like this forever." You sigh out as you look at her, Wanda places a quick kiss on your shoulder as she moves to wrap her arms around you. "We can, I mean, nothing's stopping us from being with each other."

"You're right."

The doorbell soon rings followed by the sounds of the twins muffed shouts of "Mom! We're home!"

Your eyes widen as you both scramble to get cleaned up, Wanda goes to put a new set of clothes on and you take a quick peek through the window of her bedroom, looking out to see the boys talking to each other behind the locked door.

Somehow, they feel your gaze on them and look up, making eye contact with you and they gasp in surprise. "Y/n!" "Y/n's here!" They cheer and your face burns. You take a deep breath and slowly walk downstairs and open the door for the boys.

When they see you behind the door they start to bombard you with questions. "When'd you get here?" "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?" "Are we gonna watch movies tonight? Are we..."

He pauses, "Wait, what's that on your neck?" Your heart drops to your stomach, and you look at Tommy confused.

"What was that hun?"

"What's that purple mark on your neck?"

#wanda maximoff #saphic #wlw ns/fw #wlw post #wlw yearning #wandavision #smut #elizabeth olsen #marvel #i need her so bad

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wallabywhump · 4 months

Text

Tommy’s ears feel like they have cotton stuffed in them.

“I-.” Tommy licks his lips, panic is crawling up his throat at what Evan just said, because it can’t be possible. “Can you repeat that, babe?”

Evan grunts, and there’s hushed whispers and slamming doors, and maybe a slightly louder noise of Hen yelling in the distance, and Tommy knows the 118 firehouse well enough to know that Evan is hiding in the corner of the changing rooms.

“I said, Gerrard is captain of the 118.” Evan is speaking so quietly that the phone mic is barely picking him up, but Tommy hears him loud and clear.

His heart skips a beat at the confirmation.

“Fuck,” Tommy whispers. “But how?”

“Good question,” Evan hisses. “Bobby quit, and didn’t tell us, and that’s beside the point.”

Tommy nods, it is beside the point. Tommy should be comforting Evan right now, assuring him that they can talk to someone, that it’s okay, this isn’t permanent, and-

Yet, all his brain is repeating is, “were we affectionate at the ceremony?”

Tommy says it out loud without meaning, and he blinks because that isn’t at all what he meant to say, but his mouth is moving without his permission.

“I mean, I don’t know if Gerrard would have noticed if we were, I know I was very stiff, and yes, he knows I’m gay, but he doesn’t know you’re out and-,”

Evan isn’t speaking.

Tommy can’t shut up.

“-and that doesn’t even matter. He was reassigned for discriminatory actions against multiple members of the 118, two of which are still serving, so how is he even back? Who approved this?”

Tommy’s brain is kind of in overdrive, trying to think of how’s, why’s, and fix it, fix it, fix it.

“I reported him for multiple instances of homophobia and racism, and you’re my boyfriend, and he’s captain again, and-,” Tommy takes a deep breath, “shit, I shouldn’t be complaining about myself. You called to commiserate. Shoving all that back into a dark corner of my mind.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy,” Evan finally says, and it’s deadpan, dry, with maybe a slight hint of sarcasm to it. (Some part of Tommy blames the frequent date nights, and maybe Tommy is rubbing off on him, but also maybe there’s a layer to Evan that Tommy still hasn’t uncovered yet.)

Tommy hums, biting down on his lip to stop himself from spurting anymore nonsense.

“You ask all the exact same questions that Hen and Chimney just asked,” Evan says with a sigh, and then even quieter, and a little defeated. “You were right.”

“I was…right?”

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Evan says.

Tommy takes a moment to curse past Tommy for being a cynic, despite being right, because he hates that defeated monotone from Evan’s mouth. It sounds wrong. And Tommy caused it.

Deadpan humour and realism may be how Tommy copes, but not even he could have predicted that a disgraced captain would be invited back into their previous role.

“No, no, I’m-,” Tommy groans, and covers the phone mic to say, “shut up, idiot,” to himself, and then uncover it again. He needs to be calm and collected and reassure his boyfriend right now.

There’s the tell-tale sound of alarms suddenly in Evan’s background and the moment has passed. A clang that Tommy knows means Evan just kicked the lockers.

“I gotta go,” Evan says, close to the mic, it sounds hollow.

Tommy nods, but then when he remembers that Evan can’t see that, you idiot, says, “yeah, I can hear.”

Tommy knows that Evan wants nothing less than to go on calls with Gerrard, but over a decade of dealing with the man comes to mind. “Don’t make yourself a target, keep out of trouble, and please, don’t be insubordinate. Just for today. Just until we know what’s happening.” And unspoken don’t mention me, don’t mention your sexuality, hide yourself, just for a day.

“Tommy,” Evan trails off, and there is an unimpressed air to his voice.

Tommy closes his eyes, grips his hands against his thighs. “Please, Evan,” he doesn’t want to beg, but he’s not above it, because he knows Vincent Gerrard inside and out.

Someone yells for Buck, the sirens get louder, and Tommy feels that panic spike again.

“You’ve got to go,” Tommy insists. “Just today,” he repeats.

Evan sighs, loud down the line. “Okay, okay, I-.” Evan curses. “Just today.”

Relief blossoms in Tommy’s chest, right alongside a kernel of shame that might have found it’s way there during the ceremony and rooted itself regardless of how much Tommy hated it. He hates himself for asking it of Evan, but he doesn’t regret it.

“Thanks,” Tommy says.

Evan snorts. Another person yells for Buck.

“I really-,” Evan starts to say, and Tommy hears the siren and the hubbub of the station as Evan moves through it.

“Go,” Tommy rushes out. “Come over tonight. We can talk about it then, just, at my place. Please.”

“See you tonight,” Evan promises.

“Be safe,” Tommy whispers, hushed, scared that Gerrard might hear him even through Evan’s phone.

Maybe Evan has a similar fear because his reply is equally as quiet. “Of course.”

#bucktommy fic #kinley fic #bucktommy #kinley #7.10 coda #my writing #wallabywrites #wallabywaffles #911 spoilers #911 7.10 #911 finale #it's been 40 minutes since I finished watching the finale and i don't think i'll ever recover #i might use this in part of a larger fic #but you get this for now >.<#i'm not used to tagging drabbles on tumblr #so i apologise if this isn't tagged properly

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greenwitchfromthewoods · 12 days

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patrol. l Joel Miller

Summary: you took a new person on patrol, not everything went as you expected

Warnings: +18, smut, unprotected sex (don't do that), a little bit of angst, Ellie is only mentioned, one clicker, a little bit of shooting

A/N: I wanted to write something. I had an idea. These scribbles came out. your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

This patrol was a trial for him. When Tommy asked him to take the new one with him, he wasn't too happy.

"C'mon! You'll show him what and how we do. The guy has potential." Tommy said, pointing to the recently arrived man who was sitting a few tables away. "Besides, this will be an interesting change for you."

Joel grunted and finished his whiskey. Change wasn't something he liked. He was used to patrolling only with you.

At first, you didn't talk much, exploring each other. But soon Miller realized that no matter what, you had his back. He trusted you and really enjoyed your company. And now this new guy.

"I already talked to Y/N, she seemed excited." Tommy added. "Maybe you'll have a new partner, what do you think?"

He frowned and looked at his brother. "New partner? Why? She's fine." And I really like her.

"I don't know." Tommy shrugged and finished his drink. "I thought she..."

"She's okay." he mumbled. "We'll take the new one with us, but that's all."

Tommy patted brother’s shoulder and stood up, stretching. "He'll be waiting for you at dawn."

Joel nodded and knew he was going to regret that.

Patrols were a rare opportunity to escape Jackson for a while. Joel liked the quiet life and this town certainly gave him that, but he also liked solitude. Any company of people he tolerated was okay too. You were one of the few.

You didn't try to change him, you accepted his sharp edges, and your presence soothed him. He didn't tell you this, but the time you spent in each other's company was important to him. You were important, in some strange way.

He didn't feel like having anyone else with you, but Tommy had clearly asked him to. Besides, you had already agreed.

When he saw you at the gate at dawn, his heart felt lighter. A trickle of steam escaped your lips as you talked to a tall man, younger than Joel, who was staring at you with obvious interest.

"This is Martin." You introduced him when Joel stood next to you. Miller nodded. "So, shall we go?"

You stepped outside the walls of Jackson and headed on your usual patrol route.

The conversation going on behind his back reached his ears even though Joel was walking a few steps ahead of you. Each of your laughs brought a small smile to his lips, but at the same time he felt a pang in his heart - it wasn't because of him that you were laughing.

"So." Martin cleared his throat as you slowly entered the forest and colorful autumn trees surrounded you. "Your boyfriend doesn't mind you wandering around?"

You looked at him a bit surprised, and then your gaze fell on Joel's broad shoulders walking in front of you. "What do you mean?" you asked, adjusting your backpack.

Martin was clearly confused, scratching the back of his neck. "You know. You're an attractive woman. You should be in a safe place, and here..."

"I'm safe here." You interrupted him quickly. "And as much as I'm grateful for the nice compliment, I assure you that I'm doing great. I don't need a man telling me what to do."

"Shit! I didn't mean to sound like that, sorry." Martin tried to turn his words into a joke, but it probably didn't work out well, because you quickened your pace and caught up with Joel.

You walked in silence for a moment, but you noticed his dark eyes glancing at you every now and then.

"What?" you asked a little too nervously.

Joel just shook his head. "Nothing. He's hitting on you."

"Oh, fuck off!" you groaned, rolling your eyes. And you increased your distance from both men, trying to focus on your work.

You couldn't see the satisfied smile on Miller's lips, though.

Martin definitely liked to talk. Or maybe he was trying to mask his nervousness and the awkward atmosphere that had arisen since you had started walking ahead of them.

The autumn sun was shining through the colorful leaves, and the dry grass crunched under your shoes as you slowly covered the next distances.

"Have you been in Jackson long?"

Joel reluctantly tore his gaze away from your figure walking a dozen or so steps ahead of them. "About a year," he replied.

"And her?" Martin nodded in your direction.

"A little longer, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"Just like that." the man muttered, but that didn't end the conversation. "You don't know if she's with someone?"

Joel stopped and frowned, looking intently at Martin. He unconsciously tightened his grip on the strap of his rifle. The man seemed to be confused again.

"Sorry, if you're with her..." he choked out, trying to smile. "She's just a hot chick, you know. We're both guys, we have our needs, right?"

Joel's jaw clenched tighter "We have work to do now." he hissed, but he was already regretting agreeing to this three-person patrol.

You disappeared from his sight for a moment, but after a few minutes he found you at the edge of the forest. You were crouching behind a dead blackberry bush, binoculars pressed to your eyes.

"Nice tête-à-tête with Martin?" you said as Joel crouched down next to you.

"I think he has a soft spot for you." he replied, looking in the same direction as you. There was an abandoned farm in front of you and it looked really promising. "Do you want to go there?"

"Yeah. Looks good. Quiet."

"Too quiet." Joel took the binoculars from you, and you took off your backpack and pulled out a thermos of coffee.

You poured some into a mug and took a few sips of the hot drink, which pleasantly warmed your insides. It was a cold day and even a walk like that couldn't warm you up enough. You handed the cup to Joel.

"I'll go there with Martin." you started after a moment of thought. "Will you cover me?"

"Always." Joel drank the coffee and handed you the cup. "Leave your backpack. You'll be faster if anything happens. Your gun?"

You pulled the gun out of the holster and reloaded. "Checked."

"Hey." his voice was warm and caring, you looked at Joel's face. "Take care of yourself. I'll be close, but you should be careful too."

"I get it." you smiled, placing your hand on his forearm and patting him lightly, then you looked over your shoulder at the approaching Martin and added in a whisper. "Just don't tell him I listened to you.” Joel smiled softly “Martin! We have work to do!"

The door opened with a loud creak that sent shivers down your spine. You gripped your gun tighter and swallowed. Martin was right behind you, you could see Joel nearby. The building was large and looked like it had been abandoned for a long time. Footsteps seemed loud on the tiled floor.

"Stay quiet." You whispered, peeking cautiously into the first room.

Everything seemed to be asleep. The furniture in the rooms was covered in a thick layer of dust. You signaled to Martin that you should split up. You entered the empty kitchen, and he climbed the wooden stairs. You managed to look through a few cabinets and storage rooms. Most of the time you found useless things, the hope for something interesting was slowly leaving you.

The unexpected noise upstairs immediately made your heart beat faster.

"Fuck! Y/N!"

Before you ran out into the hallway, a few shots were fired and there was a commotion as if someone had thrown something heavy on the floor. You ran up the stairs, but at that moment Martin ran out of one of the rooms, followed by one of the clickers. You aimed your gun, but the man ran into you, knocking the gun out of your hand and quickly running down the stairs.

"Shit! Shit!" you cursed seeing the gun fall to the ground floor and slide all the way to the wall.

Martin ran out of the building, and you stood face to face with the monster. The noise you made focused it on you. You felt for the door behind you with your hand and quickly pushed it, jumping inside and trying to slam it shut behind you. The clicker was strong, pushing harder and harder, and your shoes were sliding on the bathroom tiles.

"Fuck off!" you hissed, but from the other side you heard a terrifying scream.

The door creaked dangerously, and you noticed with fear that the hinges were very rusty, they couldn't hold out for too long. Your gaze swept across the small bathroom. There was no chance of running and getting through the window on the other side.

You leaned your back against the door, braced one leg against the sink, but you felt that it would do no good. Another moment and the door would open, and you had nothing to defend yourself with.

Because of all the noise, the screams of the clicker and your rapid breathing, you didn't hear the first shot, but after it another one and another one rang out, and you heard those already.

The monster stopped pushing against the door, screamed once more, but then you heard a dull thud as it fell to the floor, and another shot made you sure that the beast was dead.

"Y/N?!" Joel's voice was anxious, but he pushed the door open and slid inside.

You saw the relief on his face when he saw you sitting against the wall, struggling to catch your breath. He quickly approached you, taking your face in his large, rough hands.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" he asked.

You made a gesture somewhere between a nod and a shake of your head. "I'm fine." you replied. "That clicker... I wasn't expecting it. My gun... I lost it."

"We'll find it." he stroked your cheek with his thumb, his eyes looking at you with concern, but then he clenched his teeth. "That fucking Martin... I can't believe he left you here."

You put your hands on his wrists and that made him focus on you. "Leave it. The clicker surprised him too."

"He ran out of that house like his ass was on fire." Joel hissed. "If you had gone on patrol alone with him..."

"Don't do that, Joel. Don't start making up scenarios. I'm fine." the man nodded and helped you up from the floor. "We'll have to talk to Tommy. Martin should stay in Jackson for now. Patrols are obviously not for him. At least not now."

You noticed how Joel was breathing deeply, he was clearly nervous and tense. His eyes avoided looking at you. Your hand found his, you took it gently intertwining your fingers.

"Thank you." You said quietly, wonderful brown eyes finding your face. "Thank you, Joel, for being there."

"Always."

It was late when you returned to Jackson. The sun had long since set and it was getting darker. It was getting colder and colder and all you could think about was a warm bath and your bed.

"Sorry, Y/N." Martin approached you as you crossed the gate and headed down the main street of Jackson. "That clicker... God! You need to understand."

"Yeah, sure." you nodded. "That happens, right?"

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks." he rubbed his hands together and blew into them a few times to warm them up a bit. "Maybe... Maybe you'd like to have a drink with me?"

You looked towards the lit pub, but shook your head. "No, thanks. I just dream of a bath and bed."

"Maybe..."

"See you later, Martin." you quickly cut him off before he could say or suggest anything.

The man walked away, clearly disappointed. Soon you heard a familiar grunt and Joel stood by you, following Martin with his gaze to the door of the bar. "I can still shoot him from here." he mumbled, and you nudged him in the side, trying to stop yourself from laughing. "No? You're too good." he shook his head, but you saw the smile on his lips. It was adorable. "A bath and bed? Good choice."

"And you? Ellie's probably waiting for you."

"I'll grab a drink. She's probably at some friend's anyway." he shrugged. "She's not interested in an old guy."

"You're not that old!" you groaned. "Anyway, thanks for today. If it weren't for you..."

"Hey, we weren't supposed to come up with scenarios." he scolded. "Run home. You're shaking."

You smiled at him and headed towards your house. Joel watched you go, feeling a pleasant warmth inside. It had been a long day, and he could feel it in his bones.

You must have fallen asleep, because a loud knock on the door roused you from your bed. You went downstairs in the dark and reached the door. A cold wind swept over your face, but you immediately saw a silhouette in front of your door.

"Joel? What the hell?"

He was standing on the porch with his hands on his hips, breathing deeply and steam coming out of his mouth. His appearance worried you, but he didn't act like something dangerous had happened.

"Joel? Is everything okay?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

He just shook his head, ruffling his hair with his hand. His eyes were shining like he had a few too many drinks.

"I thought," he began, "Listen, Y/N. I really like you."

"I like you too..." you started, but Joel interrupted you.

"It's not like that. I just - fuck - it's more, Y/N. It's been more for a long time." You saw how hard it was for him to find the right words, but slowly it began to dawn on you what he wanted to tell you. "Today on patrol, I thought I'd kill Martin. He flirted with you first, and then he just left you. I don't want to think about what would have happened to you if I hadn't been there."

You thought about that too. When you were alone in your house, surrounded by silence and warmth, you started to think about what had happened. If it weren't for Joel, you wouldn't be here. He always had your back. He was always there for you.

You both stared at each other, you didn't feel the cold anymore, only his words were circling in your head.

"I don't know what to say, Joel." You finally choked out "I didn't think... Damn, I didn't think that you and I, that we..."

"Okay." He nodded "I just..." He cleared his throat "I think I'll go home. I didn’t want to bother you. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here."

He went down a few steps, his shoulders clearly dropped, and you felt like a heavy stone fell into your stomach. You didn't want this. This wasn't how it was supposed to be!

"Joel!" You called after him and ran barefoot onto the cold porch "Stop, please. It's not what you think!"

He stopped and turned slowly towards you, his face the face of a broken man. Your heart almost broke.

"I thought you never wanted this. That being close to someone was something you wanted to avoid." you began, your throat tightening painfully "I thought being your friend was the only thing I could have. And I... I think I fell in love with you, Joel. A long time ago, and it scares the hell out of me."

In a few quick steps, he covered the distance between you. He stared at you with hope in his eyes.

"So you don't want me to leave?" he asked.

You shook your head "Never, Joel. I would never want that."

His hand slid awkwardly into your hair, you felt his warm breath on your lips. A question appeared in his dark eyes that couldn't escape his lips. So you made the first move.

When your lips met, it was like a feeling of relief that flowed over both of you. Something you had both been waiting for for a long time, but were too afraid to take the first step.

It was a reward after all those furtive glances, accidental touches of hands, words you directed at each other. As if all of this was leading you to this frozen porch and dark night where you could try to tell each other what you really felt.

His lips were warm and soft. He felt relief when you parted your lips allowing him to slip his tongue into your warm mouth. The kisses were soft and tender, slow as if you wanted to enjoy this moment. But when a muffled moan escaped your throat, Joel felt it in his loins.

He touched your lips gently, "You should come inside." He said quietly, "You're shaking."

"I'm not cold." you replied and your hand stroked his rough cheek "But if you came in with me..."

"Will you let me?" you nodded "Lead the way, sweetheart."

You took his hand and led him towards the door. For the first time in a long time Joel felt just right. You were there, by his side, only his and you didn't push him away. He didn't know what he did to deserve this.

When your hands tenderly took off his jacket and shirt, when your lips wandered around his neck, caressing him tenderly. When his hands wandered around your body, extracting all the most beautiful sounds from you. It was heaven.

But the real fulfillment came the moment he slid into you for the first time. You were so warm and tight, he already knew he was gone.

"Joel, please..." you whispered.

His cock stretched you so well, he was so deep, but you needed him to move. With his first thrust, the last of the air in your lungs escaped. He hit exactly where you needed it.

"Look at me, please." he mumbled between the next quick thrusts. "You're so beautiful, so good for me. Fuck! When I think about that asshole..."

"Don't think about him now." your hands slid into his hair, tenderly scratching his scalp. "Just you and me, that's what matters now."

Joel closed his eyes, but opened them immediately when his cock hit you so hard that you moaned "I want you to be mine. Only mine. I want everyone to see it, so that no other idiot would come up with the idea of flirting with you."

"Joel!" you moaned loudly, because his next thrusts brought you closer and closer to fulfillment "Please..."

However, his words were more and more aggressive, his movements harder and harder.

He grabbed your wrists and held them above your head. "I saw how he looked at you. Like you were the best snack he'd ever seen in his life. I want him to know, sweetie. I want him to know that I own you. That this pussy is only mine."

"Fuck!"

"That you come with my name on your lips. Do you hear me?" he leaned down, kissing you hard, pushing his tongue almost down your throat.

One of his hands kneaded your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers. Your body arched as your walls tightened around his cock. You moaned loudly feeling your pussy contract again, but Joel didn't stop. He was close, you could hear it in his breath, you could feel it in his strong movements.

In an instant he pulled out of you and spilled himself onto your lower abdomen, panting heavily.

"Fuck!" he hid his face in the crook of your neck.

Your hands freed themselves from his grip and you tenderly stroked his neck and shoulders. His body was so hot, you felt completely safe with him.

After a few moments Joel lifted himself up on his shoulders and looked at you. His eyes were full of different emotions, but they looked at you gently.

"Give me a few moments..." he said, trying to even out his breathing.

"Why?" you were surprised, but seeing his sly smile you quickly realized "Oh, do you have the energy for another round?"

"Soon." he leaned down and touched your lips tenderly "I've waited so long, I don't want to leave you with only one cum."

"Jesus!" you laughed "Joel, you know you don't have to prove anything, right?"

He kissed your neck, then your collarbone and shoulder as if he was thinking about something. Finally he lifted his head.

"Do you think if you come hard enough people will hear you screaming my name in the bar?"

"Fuck you!" you patted his shoulder, but that only made him smile.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

#joel miller #pedro pascal #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader

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joelscruff · 1 year

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for what it's worth (joel miller x reader) 18+

part 3 of the soft!dom joel collection has arrived! this one tackles some backstory; it's time to see how they met and how exactly their little "arrangement" came to be. i hope you guys like it, your feedback means the world to me. i also have a kofi if you'd like to give me a tip (but of course this is completely optional). previous parts: you know i don't mean it & don't think we could help it summary: your relationship with joel has always been complicated, but it's about to change drastically, for better or for worse. rating: 18+ explicit (mdni) warnings: fem!reader, smut, age gap (reader is mid 20s, joel is mid 50s), mutual masturbation, praise kink, dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics (joel is dominant but not degrading or aggressive), mentions of porn (specifically magazines) word count: 10k (it's a doozy) | ao3 spoilers: this contains vague spoilers for part two of the video game (and most likely for season two of the show). nothing too major but i figured i should warn for it anyway.

To say that your first day in Jackson is alienating would be an understatement.

You feel like everyone is staring at you (they are) and no one will let you out of their sight (they won't). You understand immediately that there's a lack of trust which will need to be formed as soon as possible, otherwise you'll never be able to create a home here.

"They're wary of you," Maria explains in your brand new living room - you still can't believe you just went from having barely any possessions to having your own house - and gives you a weak smile, "It'll pass, they just need to make sure you don't have any ulterior motives."

You get it, but it still hurts. Especially that night when you join your new community for dinner and find yourself sitting alone in the corner of the room, poking at your food and trying not to let your emotions betray you. You're determined not to show weakness, even though you've never felt more isolated. You can feel their eyes on you constantly, like they're waiting for you to pull out a rifle and start picking them off like a shooting gallery.

There's only one person who seems to be consistently minding his own business, a middle aged man who sits in the opposite corner of the room. He's hulking and broad, kind of intimidating, but there's a softness to his jaw and the grey scruff covering it that makes you see something else, something kind. He takes large bites and seems lost in his own thoughts, eyes fixed on the wall to his left but unfocused, like he's looking through it. He's by himself too, mirroring you, but you can tell by the way people move around him that he's been here for a long time. He must just enjoy his solitude.

"That's Joel," Maria tells you, sitting next to you and following your gaze, "He's my husband's brother, came down here a few years ago."

"He doesn't stare at me like everyone else does," you say, still looking over at him, "Does he just not care or...?"

To your surprise, she laughs, and everyone who's giving you dirty looks suddenly seems to soften. You're grateful for Maria then for bothering to talk to you, to try and trust you.

"Don't ask me to explain the things Joel does, I wouldn't be able to tell you," you notice that she has a full plate of food with her and that she's decided to sit next to you for dinner, an attempt to alleviate the mistrust for you in the room. You can't help but smile, thankful.

"He's a closed book," she continues, "Even Tommy finds him hard to read and he's his own brother."

She changes the subject then, wanting to know more about you and what you've been through, a not so subtle way of trying to get some information for the council. You humor her; you have nothing to lose.

Your eyes still stray to the man named Joel every so often as you speak, but you're not sure why. After about ten minutes he gets up to leave, and you watch him place his empty bowl in the dishwashing area and give the woman working there a small smile. She smiles back, says something to him. He laughs, and you can almost hear it over the bustle of the dining area. You watch as he says something else to her in parting, gives her one more smile, and turns and walks out the door. He doesn't look at you, not even once.

Over the next few weeks, things get better. Less people are looking at you and more people are actually trying to talk to you, get to know you. You have some nice conversations and answer questions about yourself - mostly appropriate, save for the one teenager who kept asking how you got the different scars along your bicep, the long one on your neck, the one on your cheek, stories you really didn't want to recount. After hounding you for a few minutes, her friend had pulled her away with an apology, "She likes scars," she'd said sheepishly, tugging the girl's arm, "Come on, Ellie, leave her alone."

You meet everybody, shake hands and even hug a few people. You start getting invited to things, asked to suggest films for movie night, help set up some games for the kids, Tommy even asks you one evening to help him herd a few sheep that had gotten loose. They trust you, and it feels good.

You still see that man, Joel, every night in the dining hall. But that's the only place you see him. You're not sure where he goes during the day or after dinner; he must just be a bit of a recluse, which you can't blame him for. The people here are nice but a lot are overbearing and a bit too friendly sometimes, plus it's hard to find time for yourself when everyone has tasks to complete and always likes to help each other out. You begin to wonder if he'll ever notice you, which leads you to wonder why it even matters to you that he does.

Your patrols start around the three month mark. Tommy takes you out with a small group beyond the borders of the community and shows you the ropes, points out where most of the patrol spots are with a pair of binoculars and goes over the routine. Your first assignment is simple: manning the watchtower with Maria. You spend most of the patrol getting to know her, hearing about her past and telling her more about yours. You like her a lot, she's easy to talk to and has a strong spirit akin to your own. The conversation gets pretty personal around the seventh hour, and you end up telling her how exactly you got the scar along your cheekbone. She listens deeply, thoughtfully, nodding along as you detail the more difficult things you've had to deal with in the past, the things that have made you stronger.

"You're tough," she says near the end of your shift, nudging your shoulder, "You don't really belong on watchtower, do you?"

You shrug, "I mean, if there's somewhere else I'd be more useful..."

"How'd you like to head out to the ski lodge with Joel next week?"

Your ears prick up at the name and you nod quickly, unsure exactly why, "Yeah, that'd be great!"

"He knows the area well," she adds, then grimaces, "I have to warn you though, he might not talk very much. He keeps to himself, I'm sure you've noticed."

You wonder why she's so quick to put you on patrol with someone who might not even speak to you, but it starts to make sense as you're walking back from the watchtower in the early hours of the morning. Tommy exits the dining hall and walks over to the both of you with a smile, pressing a tender kiss to Maria's cheek.

"How's my girl?" he asks flirtatiously, and she bats him away playfully.

"Was just telling the new recruit that she's gonna go on patrol with Joel next week," she replies, and Tommy stops in his tracks, raising an eyebrow.

"Her? With Joel?" he appraises you and bites his lip, "I don't know, honey, wouldn't she be better off with someone who'll actually talk to her? I thought she was on watchtower with you."

"Tommy, I never see you anymore," she gives him an exasperated look, "The weekends used to be for us and ever since the Kingstons left-"

"I know, I know," he looks at you again, twisting his mouth in thought, "I've been, uh, a lot busier than usual lately. We had this family here for a while, big family, they helped out with the patrols. But they decided to go south a few months back, so-"

"So Tommy's been filling in for every shift he can," Maria finishes for him with a sigh, "And I never see the damn idiot anymore."

You smile, "I'm totally fine with taking over for you, really."

Tommy raises an eyebrow, "Seriously? You sure?" Maria slaps his arm lightly and he gives her a look, but then shrugs, "I mean, okay, if you wanna give it a try. It won't be all the time or anything, maybe just every other weekend, but it would actually be a big help."

"It really would," Maria adds, "You have no idea."

"But... you gotta understand, my big brother, he's.... he's complicated," Tommy's expression is serious now as he looks at you, "He's not very talkative these days, not since..." he shakes his head and you don't push it any further, though you do wonder what's changed.

"So you'll do it?" Maria asks, eyes bright.

"Even if he doesn't talk to you?" Tommy adds with a grimace.

You nod, somehow believing it won't actually be that bad.

It is that bad.

The first time you're officially introduced to Joel he doesn't even bother to shake your hand, just nodding vaguely to you as you stand there like an idiot with your palm outstretched. Tommy makes a face at him and then looks back to you with a reassuring smile.

"There's not usually much trouble up at the ski lodge," he says kindly, ignoring Joel's ambivalence, "The trek back and forth is arguably the worst part. The lifts were already damaged beyond repair when we got here so it's a bit of a hike, 'bout an hour to get up there and the same back."

You begin to wonder if maybe this really isn't the best idea, eyeing Joel silently as Tommy explains what you should expect. You've seen this man smile, know he's capable of making some kind of small talk, but it's clear that you're not an ideal candidate as he stands there stiffly and lets Tommy do the talking. Tommy had told you earlier that if the patrol didn't go well he wouldn't make you do it again, and you're already thinking this might be your first and last shift with Joel.

Tommy walks with both of you to about the halfway point, still going over the routine as Joel trudges silently ahead of you. He hasn't said a word, not one word. It's honestly starting to piss you off.

"Well, I gotta head back," Tommy says, giving you another smile of reassurance, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, see how it went, see if we might make this more permanent." He seems doubtful but you can't blame him.

A few moments later it's just you and Joel, hiking in complete silence save for the sounds of nature. The cogs in your head frantically turn, trying to land on something you can say to make things less awkward.

"So, when's the last time you saw infected up here?" you settle on, hoping it'll be enough to start some kind of conversation.

"'Bout a month ago," he replies immediately, voice gruff but quiet, "Weren't too many."

He's got an accent like his brother but it's fainter, less obnoxious, like he's spent more time with non-southern people in the later years of his life. Tommy had said they'd grown up in Texas and lived there 'til he was in his late 20s and Joel his mid 30s, then somewhere along the way they'd separated. You don't know much else about him other than that.

"It's the people you mainly worry about though, right?" you ask, quoting something Tommy had said a few weeks back, "Tommy said you've had more run-ins with raiders than infected."

"Tommy's tellin' you too much," he replies with a grunt, "Don't know what he's even thinking sendin' some kid up here."

You feel anger rise in your chest immediately, "I'm not a kid, asshole."

He stops then, turns around and appraises you with his eyebrows furrowed. It's the first time he's actually gotten a good look at you, his gaze catching on your face for a lasting moment before his eyes fall to your gun. You feel slightly vulnerable, intimidated by his heavy stare.

"How old are you?" he asks, genuinely curious.

"Twenty seven."

His brow furrows even more, "Coulda sworn he said you were seventeen."

"Well, I'm not," you reply awkwardly.

"No, you're not," he acknowledges, "I'm sorry," He seems to mean it, giving you the smallest of apologetic nods and then turning around again to keep walking.

"You thought Tommy sent a seventeen year old up here with you? I thought you had to be eighteen to patrol outside the border."

"You do, I just wouldn't put it past Tommy to send a kid up here with me," he grumbles, "Wouldn't be the first time."

"...Why?"

"None of your business."

"Okay, but now I'm just thinking you're some kind of pervert," you say it in a joking manner but he doesn't laugh. Instead, he stops again and spins around, looking at you with what you can only explain as pure rage. You flinch backward, eyes widening.

"Do I look like a fucking pervert to you?" he asks, voice hard and angry.

"I was joking," you say immediately, shaking your head frantically, "It didn't land."

"No, it fucking didn't," he starts walking again at a faster pace, leaving you standing there completely floored.

Yeah, it's bad.

"Ellie's not speaking to him," Tommy explains to you the next morning in the dining hall, hands gripping his coffee mug. You've just told him about your patrol with Joel and the horrible impression you've already managed to make. "I really shouldn't be telling you this but with an outburst like that...I need you to understand why he reacted the way he did."

You look at him, bewildered, "Ellie? That teenager who plays guitar down by the stream?" And the one who'd relentlessly bothered you with questions about your scars, but you keep that part to yourself.

"Yeah, she's...well for all intents and purposes, she's Joel's kid. And she stopped talking to him a while ago, maybe six or seven months back now," he takes a sip of coffee, "Don't ask me why 'cause I have no idea. I've asked both of them and neither'll give me any kind of explanation. All I know is they ain't speakin' and he's heartbroken over it."

"Must've been a bad argument," you say, scrunching your nose in thought, "I mean...seven months? That's a long time to not speak to someone, especially your dad."

"Eh, you haven't met Ellie. She's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. They both are," he shakes his head, "Anyway, you calling him a perv probably pissed him off 'cause Ellie's real special to him, a surrogate daughter. He wouldn't like someone misunderstanding that, seein' somethin' dirty or wrong there."

"I wasn't-"

He puts a hand up, nodding, "I know you weren't, I get it, no worries. It's partly my fault anyway 'cause he's right, I have tried to send a teen or two up with him, thought it'd do him good to mentor somebody again. But he doesn't want it, I know that now. He doesn't want it if it's not Ellie."

"Well, he doesn't seem to like me anyway, no matter how old I am," you sigh, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms, "I mean, he didn't talk to me once after that, not for the whole shift. It was bad. I don't know if it's gonna work, Tommy. I'm sorry."

He nods and gives you a small smile, thumbing the handle of his mug, "It's okay, I didn't think it'd work out anyways." He tries to hide the disappointment in his expression but fails miserably, and you leave the dining hall feeling bad about your failure.

A few days later you're back in the dining hall finishing up dinner, chatting with a few of the community members who you've warmed up most to. There's not many, but you are starting to find yourself feeling more and more comfortable around people as the days go on, more like yourself. You're caught up in a story about an infected you'd encountered in a gas station when their gazes suddenly divert from you and instead fix above your head. Confused, you slow your words and turn around.

"Oh, hi," you say, voice a bit breathless when you see Joel standing there, hands in his pockets, "Did you need something?"

"I, uh, wanted to talk to you," he says it softly, kindly, completely the opposite of how he'd talked to you before, "When you're finished, of course."

"Oh, yeah, sure," your words are broken and awkward, "Uh, I'll meet you...?"

"I'll be outside the main doors," he says quickly, "Take your time."

"Okay, I'll be out in a few."

He nods to you and then to your friends, then turns on his heel and walks out through the big double doors at the end of the dining area. You watch him go, bewildered.

"I thought he hated you," one of your friends says, voicing exactly what you're currently thinking.

"Yeah," you reply, furrowing your brow, "So did I."

You finish your story much quicker than intended and shove away from the table, waving goodbye to your friends and bringing your empty dish to the cleaning station. You push past the double doors and scan the outside area for Joel, eyeing the picnic tables where a few people are enjoying their meals in the fresh air.

"Hey," you hear behind you, and you turn to see him leaning against the left side of the building, arms crossed, "Over here."

You walk over, trying to plan out exactly what you're going to say so you don't end up making some stupid joke again that'll push him further away from you. It turns out you don't need to, because he speaks first.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," he says it seriously, a soft and genuine look in his brown eyes, "I treated you horribly the other day, you didn't deserve that."

You raise an eyebrow, "Did Tommy put you up to this?"

He frowns, "No."

"Are you sure? 'Cause if he did...I mean, I get it. It's nice of him to look out for me like that but you really don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything, I'm the one who said the tactless joke."

"Tommy didn't say anything to me," he seems to mean it, kicking the toe of his boot against the building, "And I know you were joking, I knew it then too but I'd just..." he takes a breath, avoiding eye contact, "I was havin' a bad day. Doesn't excuse my behavior by any means but it...you just..." he finally looks at you again, expression pained, "I wasn't expectin' you to be there. Tommy only told me you were takin' over for him about ten minutes before you showed up. And then I thought you were a kid and-"

You put your hand up, silencing him, "Joel, it's okay. You don't have to explain."

"I didn't even shake your damn hand," he says gruffly, sounding genuinely ashamed.

You extend your hand to him immediately, splaying your fingers out into the cold air, "Here, shake it now." He stares at it, unsure, and you wiggle it a bit in response, "Seriously, it's okay. Let's start over, clean slate."

He slowly reaches up to take it, his much bigger hand enveloping yours completely. His grip is strong and firm and you can feel calluses along his fingers, showing you exactly who taught Ellie how to play that guitar.

"Clean slate," he repeats, and it begins.

He's annoying, but you kinda love it.

He's grumpy most of the time, hates when you don't obey his orders, isn't afraid to give you shit, and gets irritated with you very easily. But it goes both ways. You're stubborn and set in your ways, you hate being told what to do, you dish it just as much as you take it, and it doesn't take much to get you riled up. And somehow, as much as you'd both probably hate to admit it, you work well together.

After your little conversation with Joel outside the dining hall, you'd flagged down Tommy and told him you were willing to try again with Joel on another patrol. He'd looked at you like you were crazy but hadn't shot the idea down, telling you that if it's what you really wanted, he'd keep the schedule the same.

You've been up on the mountain with Joel three times now, and while there's certainly been challenges and a few arguments, it's starting to become a routine. He doesn't talk about himself - it's a bit of an unspoken rule that you dare not break - but in return you don't tell him much about you either. Your main conversation points are usually tied to your interests, not your pasts, and you find yourself discussing movies with him, as well as music and books. He's surprisingly well-read for someone in an apocalypse, but you suppose he could say the same thing about you.

The fourth trip is what sets things in motion.

"Did you catch the movie last night?" you ask nonchalantly as you hike beside him, almost to the ski lodge. It's early morning, around five, and the sun is just beginning to crest the tree line, "I don't think Maria knew about the sex scene."

He groans, reaching up to rub the space between his eyes - you've noticed that he does this a lot, a quirk you've become rather fond of.

"Yes," he replies, wincing, "I heard her givin' Tommy a piece of her mind afterwards."

"The way she was yelling for him to turn off the projector was so fucking funny," you grin at the memory, still fresh in your mind, "And listen, I get it, sex is taboo, yada yada yada, but it's not like there were any little kids there last night, it was just the teens. And it's not like it was a porno or something, it was one little sex scene."

"Oh, I know, but I think Maria's trying to keep 'em as innocent as possible for as long as she can."

"Good luck with that," you snort, "I think we all lost our innocence a long time ago, for better or for worse."

"For worse," he replies instantly, "Definitely for worse."

"You're probably right," you grimace, "Although, you know what? I've actually never seen a porno."

He raises an eyebrow at you, "Seriously? Never?"

You bristle slightly, suddenly a little self conscious, "Well, it's not like there's an adult video store in this town, is there?" You can remember them existing when you were a kid, before everything happened, but it's not like you'd had any use for them at that time.

"No, you're right," he turns away from you, lost in thought for a moment, "They do still exist though. Pornos, I mean. Just in other forms. There's a stack of magazines up at the ski lodge, actually."

Your eyes go wide, "Wait, really?"

"Yup."

"Could I maybe..." you trail off and stop speaking, realizing that you should definitely not be asking what you're thinking.

"Look at 'em?" he finishes for you, not looking behind him as he keeps walking, "And you call me a pervert."

The conversation ends there, and you don't dare try to continue it.

The day is spent keeping watch along the ski lodge balcony, binoculars passed back and forth as you trade shifts and chat here and there about irrelevant things. Your main objective in this patrol spot is to keep watch of the main watchtower's blind spots, keeping an aerial view of the border perimeter in case people - mainly raiders - decide to make themselves known. You'd thought early on in your admittance to Jackson that infected were their main concern, but you've come to learn that's not the case at all. When Joel had said they'd come across infected up here he'd been lying to you; they'd actually come across a group of raiders who'd tried - and failed - to murder Joel and Tommy during their watch. Not the most reassuring thing to hear now that you've taken over, but you needed to know.

"It's why we got the trip wires down near the entrance now," Joel had explained to you during your second patrol with him, "We won't get snuck up on again," he'd made a face, "Not unless someone decides to disobey my orders."

You'd given him a weak smile, remembering how you'd decided not to heed his warning about going outside the ski lodge after light's out and ended up almost getting your leg shot off by a booby trap, "My bad." He'd rolled his eyes and grumbled to himself.

Now that it's your fourth watch you've gotten the hang of things and have learned to enjoy the semi-solitude of being on the mountain with Joel. He's got a battery operated radio and a box of cassette tapes that keep you from being bored out of your mind, plus a few containers of books that he and Tommy had carried up over the course of a few patrols. Now that you really think about it, you don't remember seeing any of the aforementioned porn Joel had spoken of in any of those crates.

It's midday when you decide to glance through them again out of curiosity, handing the binoculars over to Joel and slipping past him as he traipses out onto the balcony. You head for the boxes immediately and start to dig through them, not sure exactly what you're even looking for. Someone naked, you guess.

"They're not in there," Joel calls to you after a few minutes and you stiffen, turning to look at him through the glass where he can very clearly see what you're doing. He's got a shit-eating grin on his face and you feel your skin flush red.

"I don't know what you're even talking about," you call back, walking away from the books and plopping yourself in the chair by the unlit fireplace, which has somehow become your chair via another unspoken rule, "I was looking for a tape."

"Okay, well the 'tape' you're looking for is in the back of the supply closet," he sounds like he's fighting back laughter and your skin burns even more, "Underneath a box of cleaning supplies."

"I'm ignoring you," you yell out, "Get back to work."

You swear you hear a muffled laugh through the glass.

When he comes in from his shift he barely looks at you, just pushes past you lightly and heads for the supply closet. You follow behind him, heart pounding a bit harder in your chest the closer you get to the stash. He opens the closet door and you watch as he yanks out the cleaning supplies, then digs a bit deeper and reappears with six or seven magazines in his arms.

"Here," he leans them toward you and you hesitantly reach forward to take them from him, "They're mostly from the 90s."

"And you know this because....?" you raise an eyebrow and you swear his cheeks go pink.

"I'm a man," he shrugs, trying to be nonchalant as he passes you again to head back to the living room.

"Perv," you call after him, but he doesn't turn around this time.

"You got ten minutes."

You've never seen so much nudity in your life, which is saying something considering you'd seen your fair share of it back in your QZ when life had been a bit easier. But seeing it on paper, in photographs that have somehow lasted through years of this shitty reality, it's something else entirely. You stare with wide eyes at the onslaught of naked bodies, most of which are posed in extremely graphic sexual positions, and feel your heart continue to pound in your chest.

Without much thought you'd opened the first magazine right there where Joel left you standing outside the supply closet, and you now find yourself sitting in said closet with your flashlight aimed at the pages, breathing heavily and trying to comprehend exactly how you feel about what you're looking at. A lot of it feels kind of fake, especially the looks on the faces of the models, but there's enough sexual energy there that makes you start to feel a bit wet in your underwear, a feeling you haven't experienced for quite some time; not since a few a years ago in the QZ when you'd been in your last relationship.

"I gave you ten minutes," you suddenly hear Joel say from the other room, and you quickly scramble to your feet and frantically shut the magazine, "In case you forgot, it's your turn."

"Fuck," you trip out of the closet and dash to the living room, clutching your brand new collection of media to your chest, "Sorry, I got distracted."

He stands by the balcony door and looks you over quickly, eyes scanning from the magazines to your face and back again, "Enjoy yourself?" his expression is unreadable and it makes you self conscious.

"Oh please," you reply, making a face, "Do not start."

"So which was your favorite?" he asks you casually once darkness has fallen and you're both safely settled in the lodge for the night.

"Which what?"

He looks at you from over his book and gives you a look, like he's questioning your sanity. You stare for a moment and then slap your hand over your eyes when you realize.

"Oh for fuck's sake," you groan, "I'm never gonna hear the end of this now, am I?"

He laughs and you look over at him again, laying there on the couch with a smug look on his face. You retaliate by grabbing the pillow behind you and tossing it at him, making him drop the book he's reading.

"Hey!" he reaches down to pick it up again, "I showed them to you, I'm allowed to ask."

"False," you say, flipping your hair, "And for your information, I only managed to look at one of them."

He chuckles to himself and returns to his book, "Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone. I was just kiddin'."

"Joel Miller? Kidding?" you make a faux-shocked face, "I fear we've entered the Twilight Zone."

"Don't even pretend you know what that is," he says it seriously but his smile betrays him, "You didn't know about the Twilight Zone 'til I told you about it last week."

"That's just what I wanted you to think."

He rolls his eyes and keeps reading, letting the silence take over again. You watch his eyes scan the page back and forth, taking in the story - whatever it is - and transporting himself to another world, away from the ski lodge. He does this every patrol once it's too dark to see outside, sets the battery powered lantern to its highest setting and reads until he falls asleep. You wish you had his concentration and focus; instead, you curl up in the red armchair and force your eyes shut until your thoughts quiet down enough to let you sleep. Which is difficult tonight especially, seeing as all you can think about are those damn magazines.

After about five more minutes of silence you take a deep breath, then quietly say, "The one with the blonde girl in the bunny ears."

You don't dare look at him, waiting for his response and focusing instead on the empty fireplace beside you. You hear the crinkling of paper as he dogears the page of his book and then the gentle thud as he places it on the floor.

"That's a good one," he says just as quietly.

Another moment of silence passes, and your skin feels like it's on fire as you whisper, "I like the page where she's like...bent over."

"I can't remember the pages, if I'm being honest," he replies, "I haven't looked at them in a while."

You nod to yourself, "Well, there's this page where the guy has her bent over a table. And he's like...pounding into her from behind." You wait for him to say something else but he doesn't so you continue, "It's one of the only pages where she actually looks like she's enjoying herself."

"Hey, uh, I really was just kiddin'," he says awkwardly, "You don't have to tell me, it's okay."

"Oh," you can't help but sound dejected and embarrassed, your fingers trembling a little bit as you push a loose strand of hair behind your ear, "Sorry."

"I mean, if you want to, you can," he corrects, sounding slightly embarrassed himself, "I know you probably....you probably want to talk about it."

You bite down on your lip and sigh exasperatedly, placing your hands over your face, "Kinda," you mumble against your fingers, "It's all I can think about right now."

"Did it make you uncomfortable?" he asks, voice still gentle, "A lot of people are offended by that kinda stuff, you wouldn't be the first person to find it weird."

"It's definitely weird," you take a shaky breath and drop your hands, "But no, I'm not uncomfortable. It was....I mean, it was hot," you bite your lip, "I haven't even thought about sex for a long time so it made me...uh..."

The silence is deafening and apparently neither of you wants to break it as you sit there without speaking, letting your words hang in the dead air. You suddenly feel like you want to crawl out of your skin for saying anything to begin with, for even asking about the magazines in the first place.

"Wet?" he suddenly says, voice breaking a bit, "It made you wet?"

"Very," you reply, relieved that he's not freaked out and trying to change the subject.

"Well, that's normal," he says, voice stiff.

You can't help but laugh, finally peering over at him and seeing that he's just laying there, staring at the ceiling, "I know it's normal, Joel. It's not my first time being turned on, trust me."

"Well, what am I supposed to say?" he grumbles, looking at you in exasperation, "You can't just say that and expect me to give you a casual response. It made you wet, you got turned on, congratulations."

You stare at him, watching as he reaches for his book again, "Wait," you clamor out of the chair and reach beneath it to grab the magazine you'd looked at earlier. You shuffle over to him, thumbing through the pages until you find the right one, "Here," you open to the correct page and show it to him, "This is the one I'm talking about."

His eyes assess the page, his Adam's apple bobbing heavily in his throat as he takes in what you were referring to. He nods slowly, "Okay yeah, I see what you mean. She's about to come, that's why she looks like that."

Your brow furrows, "You can tell that from a picture?"

He shrugs, eyes still on the magazine, "Well, see, he's rubbin' her clit," he points to it and your face goes hot again, "And he's fuckin' her pretty hard. So yeah, I'd say she's either already comin' or about to." his gaze shifts back to you, noticing that you're staring, and he awkwardly pushes the magazine back toward you, "What?"

"I just..." you swallow, shaking your head apologetically, "Sorry, it just sounded really dirty hearing you say that."

He suddenly looks uncomfortable, shifting on the couch and leaning away from you as he crosses his arms, "Well, you asked."

"I know, I don't mean it in a bad way," you step back and realize you're suddenly throbbing in your jeans, feeling that familiar wetness again, "It just... hearing you say it out loud like that, it makes the picture hotter, somehow."

He looks at you, gaze trailing from your eyes to your lips. You suddenly feel like you've said too much, exposed even though you're fully dressed, and you walk back over to the chair and quickly plop back down in it. You give him another look and see his lips parting like he's going to say something else. Instead he takes a breath and drops his eyes from your face, twisting around on the couch to face the opposite way, "It's late, we should sleep."

"Y-yeah," you breathe, crossing your legs, heart stuttering as your clothed core presses wetly against the denim of your jeans. "You're right."

You curl back up in the chair and try to calm your breath, slow your heart, try not to focus too much on the fact that hearing Joel of all people say the phrases he's rubbin' her clit and fuckin' her pretty hard has made you start falling to pieces. Do you even see Joel that way? Has there ever been a moment where you found yourself thinking about him like that? You want to tell yourself the answer is no, that your body is simply experiencing some pent-up sexual frustration and he has nothing to do with it, but you know you'd be lying to yourself.

He's hot. It's not some shocking revelation or something you've realized over time. There's a reason you'd felt so drawn to him that first day in the dining hall, a reason you'd watched out for him every day and hoped he'd notice you. Hell, there's a reason you're still doing patrols with him despite him being a pain in the ass. You're not an idiot, you know yourself well enough by now to know what these things mean.

You're attracted to him. You've been attracted to him this whole damn time.

You shut your eyes tight and curl up into a ball, holding your knees to your chest. He's rubbin' her clit, his voice echoes in your mind, and your cunt begins to ache.

Stop thinking about it, you shake his words away and try to focus on falling asleep. There's no way you're gonna touch yourself right now, not with him in the room, and you're not gonna excuse yourself either like some horny teenager. You can do this, you can get through it, it'll go away soon.

It doesn't go away.

About twenty minutes later you're still sitting there with your eyes shut, trying your hardest not to touch yourself. But it's so fucking difficult. His words are playing on a loop in your head, over and over, soft yet rough, kind yet sexy, his southern drawl making it all the more hotter:

She's about to come, that's why she looks like that.

He's rubbin' her clit.

He's fuckin' her pretty hard.

I'd say she's either already comin' or about to.

You squirm in the chair, imagining what he'd sound like whispering that in your ear with his fingers pumping in and out of you as you came undone beneath him. Rubbin' her clit, his voice breathes in your mind, fuckin' her pretty hard, she's about to come.

You're ten seconds from breaking your own rule and heading back to the supply closet to find some release when you hear an unfamiliar sound coming from a few feet away. Your eyes flutter open, thoughts stopping momentarily as you try to figure out what it is. You turn slightly in your chair to see if Joel hears it too, and you feel your breath stop completely.

He's turned off the lantern so you can't see him properly, but you can make out the shadow of him in the moonlight, see the long shape of him directly mirrored against the floorboards and his hand stroking himself up and down, quick and rough. Your lips part in disbelief, realizing the noise you're hearing is the sound of his palm slapping against the base of his cock as he jacks himself off.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Here you've been, desperately trying to push away any and all sense of desire so you wouldn't make a fool out of yourself, wouldn't make him uncomfortable, and here he is doing that exact thing. Angrily, almost out of spite, you sit up in the chair and stuff your hand down your jeans.

Two can play at that game, asshole.

Your finger goes straight to your clit and you begin to rub it furiously, eyes trained on the dark outline of his hand moving up and down. You can only vaguely make out the shape of him but it's enough to make you start dripping, the base of your palm getting slick as you stimulate yourself continuously. He's well endowed, that much is obvious, and you watch his silhouette as he releases his large cock for a moment to bring his hand to his mouth and lick a stripe along his palm. You have to bite down on your lip to suppress the moan that threatens to bubble from your throat at the action, watching through lidded eyes as he brings his wet hand back down and fists himself once more.

Without much thought you slip your middle finger inside yourself, eyes trained on him as you pretend it's his cock pushing past your entrance. It's pretty difficult to imagine though, considering his cock is probably five times as girthy as your one finger, but you make do. You can kind of make out the shape of the tip, wide and shiny, disappearing and reappearing over and over. You slip a second finger inside and bite back a whimper.

The only sounds in the room are the slapping of his skin and the sudden wet squelch of your fingers; you don't even bother to try and make it softer, you're getting off now whether he knows or not, the fullness overwhelming you as you lick your lips and furrow your brow. You haven't masturbated in a long time; you know it won't take you long to get what you need.

"Are you-" he suddenly gasps into the darkness, and your head snaps up to look at him again, heart pounding when you see that his hand has stilled on his cock and he's looking over at you with an expression of pure disbelief.

You should probably be embarrassed, apologetic, but instead you can't help but feel a rush of pride, of spite, as he realizes what you're doing.

"Like you're not," you hiss back, practically spitting as you continue to fuck yourself, "I'm not deaf."

"Thought you were sleepin'," he says back, and you can see his fingers clench around his length, like he's doing everything in his power not to stroke himself.

"And that makes it less weird?"

He groans and lets go of himself completely, sitting up slightly on the couch and shaking his head like he's trying to wake himself up from a dream he isn't having. When he looks at you again his eyes fall to where you're still getting off, not bothering to be sneaky about the way he practically bores a hole in your jeans with his gaze.

"So what are you gonna do about it?" he challenges gruffly, eyes coming back up to meet yours, the hint of a cocky smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Oh, he's proud of himself, isn't he?

You glare at him, "I'm not gonna do anything about it, Joel. I'm gonna keep going," you mean it too, fingers not even slowing down as you pant breathlessly in his direction, "And you can stay here or you can go, doesn't matter to me."

It does matter, actually, it really does. If he was to get up and walk out... it would basically be a rejection, something you're not sure you'll be able to deal with. You don't break eye contact with him, staring him down as you give him your own challenge.

He swallows, gives you one last look, and then flops back down into a horizontal position as he reaches for himself again. He returns to his quick strokes, almost purposely more heavy this time as he mutters, "No talking. Let's just do it and forget it even happened, deal?"

"Deal," you reply immediately, and add a third finger.

It doesn't take long for you to find your release, a particularly hard slap of skin from Joel on the couch pushing you over the edge. You don't try to stifle your moan this time, focusing completely on enjoying your orgasm as your hand stills in your pants and you begin to shake in the chair. Your hips buck pathetically, eyes shutting tight as you whimper and cry out in pleasure.

"Jesus Christ," you hear Joel pant a few seconds afterward, followed by a long groan as he starts to come too, "Fuck."

You manage to catch a glimpse of the way he twists his wrist, aims his cock against his button-down and stains it with his release. You wish you had a better view, that it wasn't so dark, but just hearing him come apart is enough. It's exactly what you hoped it would be.

You lay there in silence for a few moments, both of you panting breathlessly from your orgasms as the weight of what you've just done starts to creep in. You're suddenly slightly afraid of what he'll say, what he'll do. Will he get mad? Will he say he doesn't want to patrol with you anymore? You decide immediately that you don't want him to have the first word.

"What were you thinking about?" you ask, barely a whisper.

It takes a few moments for him to reply, and you start to worry that you've already ruined everything, but then he answers.

"Bunny ears," he says quietly.

"What?"

"I was thinkin' about the bunny ear girl," he's still breathless, "From the magazine. Weren't you?"

You figure you can't dig the hole any deeper.

"I was just watching you, Joel," you breathe, feeling butterflies tingle in your belly at the words, "Didn't have to think about anything else."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, then mumbles something to himself that you don't understand. You can't fully make out his expression but you swear you see him frown in the moonlight, not exactly the response you were aiming for. He suddenly turns on the couch again to face away from you, exhaling loudly, "Go to sleep."

The words strike you hard, lips parting in surprise. You obviously hadn't expected him to completely reciprocate, to jump into your arms and kiss you, but that? "Go to sleep"? What the fuck kind of a response is that? You stare at him, hoping against reason that he'll turn around again and apologize, say something different, but he doesn't.

"Yeah, sure," you mutter, curling back up into a ball in the chair and hoping sleep finds you as soon as possible so you don't have to think anymore, "Asshole."

You hope he hears you.

You wake the next morning to the sound of someone rummaging nearby, and you open your eyes blearily to see Joel crouched near the door, packing his bag. You stretch and yawn automatically, momentarily forgetting what had transpired between the two of you last night. His head tilts up to look at you and it all comes flooding back when you see that familiar frown on his face.

"Do you ever smile?" you say, voice rough with sleep.

He rolls his eyes and goes back to his pack, shaking his head, "Like you're so chipper."

"Well, at least I have a good reason to be annoyed," you snap, sitting up in the chair and stretching your legs, "Asshole."

"You love to call me that, don't you?"

"Just calling it like I see it," you mutter, pulling yourself up and heading past him to the door, "I'm taking a piss."

"Watch out for th-"

"The trip wires, I know," you interrupt coldly, "I'm not an idiot."

He doesn't say anything else but you feel his eyes on your back as you walk out onto the balcony and down the steps. You both have to pee in the woods when you're out here - the ski lifts aren't the only things that don't work properly anymore - so you've managed to each figure out your own designated area. You feel relieved once you're out of his eyesight and beneath the thick layer of tree branches that keep your makeshift bathroom secluded.

You really shouldn't be so pissed at him, it's not like he owes you anything. You know you're projecting your own feelings onto him and that it isn't fair, but god, him telling you to go to sleep after you'd essentially confessed your attraction to him makes your blood boil. He'd really had nothing else to say? Couldn't have come up with something a little softer, a little kinder? Let you down easy?

You grumble to yourself on the way back up the steps, questioning whether or not you should keep ignoring him or just get over it. Is it really worth an hours hike of hostility? You already know this is your last shift with him, there's no way you can come back from this in any way that will keep your dignity intact. It's over.

"You say you're not a kid but you sure do act like one," Joel says the second you re-enter the ski lodge, and you stop dead in your tracks. He's got his arms crossed, nose flaring in anger, "I'm sick and tired of the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, all that shit. What happened to people just talkin' to each other?"

You shut the door behind you and shake your head, "I'm not giving you the silent treatment Joel, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down," his voice is firm but you can hear some emotion there, something deeper. He doesn't like being ignored and you know why, but it doesn't soften your resolve.

"I'm pissed at you, yeah," you admit, shrugging, "But I think I have a pretty valid reason."

"And what is it?"

You stare, scrunching up your face in confusion, "Are you serious? Jesus, Joel, I thought you were smart."

"Oh, fuck off," he grumbles, rolling his eyes again, "I ain't a mind reader."

You shake your head again, inhaling deeply, "I'm not asking you to read my mind, Joel," you exhale and try to calm yourself, feeling the angry tears begin to sting your eyes. God, you hate how emotional you get when you're angry. You hate showing weakness like this.

"Then tell me," he groans, "Is it about last night? 'Cause I thought we made a deal that we're not gonna talk about it."

You laugh at his words, cold and hard, "Right, yeah, sorry. Deal's a deal, right? My bad," you couldn't sound more sarcastic if you tried, stuffing your roll of toilet paper back in your pack and zipping it up, "Come on, let's just head back and forget about it." Your voice cracks on the last few words and you bite down hard on your lip, feeling the tears spill over.

"Are you crying?" his voice falters, and you hear a twinge of kindness in his tone, something you'd desperately wanted to hear last night.

He crosses the room before you even have a chance to reply, striding over to you and placing his hand on your shoulder firmly, making you turn around. His face softens immediately when he sees the tears streaming down your face, the tears you're already trying to wipe away.

"Fuck," he says, brow furrowing in concern, "I'm sorry."

You snort involuntarily, shaking your head, "I'm just stupid."

"You're not stupid," it's almost a whisper, "I'm the stupid one, believe me," he brings his hand up like he's going to touch your face but seems to think better of it, bringing it back to your shoulder again, "I shouldn't have... I don't know what I was thinkin' last night, I'm sorry. You showed me that magazine and-"

You put your hand up to silence him, "I don't care about why, Joel. I don't even care that you did it, it's not like I told you to stop."

His brow furrows deeper, "Then what...?"

You close your eyes, breathing deeply before putting on your best impression of him and mumbling, "Go to sleep," like he had the night before, opening your eyes again to see if he understands.

He stares at you for a few seconds, confused, but you watch as it suddenly dawns on him, realization spreading across his features. He suddenly lets go of your shoulder and takes a few steps back, eyes falling to the floor.

"You can't... you can't think of me that way," he says it gruffly, swallowing and shaking his head.

You stand there without saying anything, waiting until he finally looks back up at you to speak. When he does, you make sure to look directly in his eyes.

"Why not?"

His hand comes up to touch the back of his neck and you swear you see patches of red begin to bloom along his collarbone, like he's embarrassed...or flattered? You take a step forward and he quickly takes another step backward.

"If it's because of the age thing... I really don't care, Joel," you say earnestly, heart beginning to beat heavily in your chest, "I think you're..." You can't believe the words are even coming out of your mouth, the tears on your face already beginning to dry as you try to process this new situation you've found yourself in, "I think you're sexy."

His brow furrows again, not in anger but in confusion. He doesn't take another step backward when you move toward him this time, staying rooted in place as you peer up at him, waiting for him to speak. He remains silent, his eyes trained directly on your face, lips set in a firm line.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

He shakes his head slowly, "I don't."

"Why?"

He doesn't reply, just keeps staring at you like he has absolutely no idea what to say. You suddenly feel the need to reassure him, comfort him. Your hand moves upward, aching to cup his face in your hand, feel that grey scruff beneath your palm.

He pulls back before you get the chance, shaking his head again, "Don't," it's barely a whisper, voice breaking as he says it, "Just...gimme a minute."

"Okay," you nod, dropping your hand, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizin'," he breathes, still not breaking eye contact, "Just let me think, please."

You swallow, teeth tugging on your lip as he continues to stand there motionless. He's still looking at you but his thoughts are miles away; you can practically see the wheels turning in his head, calculating exactly what he's supposed to do in a situation like this. Part of you wants him to kiss you, part of you wants to kiss him, part of you wants to wait until he makes a decision. You settle firmly on the third option.

"I lied," he finally breaks the silence, jaw tense and firm, "I wasn't thinkin' about that fuckin' bunny ear model."

Your lips part; you hadn't been expecting him to say that.

"Then...what were you thinking about?" You already know the answer before he replies.

"You," his voice is strained, broken, like he's holding himself back, "I was thinkin' about you and the stupid magazines in the supply closet."

You feel your skin flush, a tingle trailing up the back of your neck as you try not to show him how pleased you are, "W-what?"

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about you in that closet, lookin' at those pictures, getting...." he trails off and swallows, then whispers, "Wet. Gettin' all wet in your panties from that girl getting fucked."

His words send an immediate throb to your core and you can feel your heart in your throat, pounding relentlessly as he continues to speak, continues to say exactly what's been on his mind as you stand in front of him, so much smaller than him, letting his words get lost in the sudden warmth of your body and the buzz of your thoughts.

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about it," he repeats, voice rough, eyes dark, "Your wet panties, your big eyes, your..." he practically chokes then, "Your pussy, all wet and aching."

"Oh my god," you whimper, crossing your legs involuntarily as you feel an immediate surge of wetness in your underwear, "Please, keep talking, please."

"Wanted to see it and touch it," he murmurs, his breath ghosting across your face as he peers down at you with desire in his eyes, "Wanted to fuck it and make you come."

Without hesitation your arms shoot up to wrap around his neck, burying your face in his warm chest and tugging at the collar of his coat, "I want you to," you practically moan, clawing at the material, "Joel, I need you to fuck me right now."

To your absolute dismay he reaches up and removes your arms from him, taking a step back so neither of you are touching. His eyes are so dark, pupils blown wide and that red blush of heat now spread all over his neck and cheekbones.

"I can't," he says, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, I can't."

You're about to protest, whine and beg if you have to, but his eyes fall to your groin. You watch with wide eyes as he goes for his belt, begins to unloop it and remove it.

"Take your pants off," he groans, and you don't need telling twice.

You end up masturbating together again, this time in the light of day. You find yourselves laying on the couch where he'd slept last night, the memory of what he'd done there fresh in your mind as you pump two fingers in and out of yourself steadily and watch him stroke his cock to match your pace. He watches you behind hooded eyes, his lips parted as he pants and gets himself off to your pleasure, watches you do the same thing to him.

"That's it," he murmurs, eyes scrunching in arousal as he scans your face, watches you come undone, "Rub your clit, nice and fast."

You whimper, unable to hold on for much longer as you eye his cock and see the way the fat head of it drips for you, slicking his hand and allowing him to stroke faster and faster. You want to say something to help get him off too but your words are completely lost in the sensation; you couldn't speak even if you wanted to.

He knows you're about to come, can see it in your face the way he saw it in the face of the model in the picture. He swallows heavily and fucks himself impossibly faster, harder, silently asking you to match his pace. You do it, thumbing your clit and feeling the tense coil in your belly snap as your jaw drops and you let out a long and ridiculously loud moan. Your eyes shut tight and you throw your head back, feeling your body begin to shake from the stimulation.

"There you go," he grunts, and you hear the slapping of skin stop as he rides out his own release, coming into his fist, "Fuck." Your eyes open at just the right time to see his jaw go slack, eyes practically rolling into the back of his head from the pleasure. It somehow makes you ache for more, even though you can't possibly imagine being any more overstimulated than you already are.

You both lay there, chests heaving, hearts pounding, completely undone. It goes without saying that you've both just managed to each have one of the best orgasms of your lives.

"New patrol rule," you whisper to him, legs still wide and cunt dripping with your release, "We do this. Every time. Please."

"Yes," he replies immediately, still catching his breath, "I can do that."

"It can't be any more than this," Joel says to you quietly as you hike down the mountain a little while later, the sunrise cresting the trees again the way it had yesterday when you'd hiked up; it's like nothing has changed, but you both know that everything has.

"Okay," you say just as softly, though part of you aches to reach for his hand, loop your pinky through his and have some degree of touch between you. But you can tell he means business, that there won't be any more discussion on the matter today.

"Just this," he whispers, glancing at you with a meaningful look, eyes soft and tender as he peers at you, knowing what he's done, what he's started.

"Just this," you agree, but you don't really believe it.

You hope, deep down, neither does he.

thank you so much for reading! there will be more in this collection coming very soon. i'd like to do some short fics of certain nights they've had, especially the first time he calls her a good girl. that was originally going to be in this part but it was just getting wayyy too long and i have so many ideas i need to flesh out more lol. i'm also going to continue where they left off in "don't think we could help it", and yes, eventually they will do the deed, i promise. among other things....

if you liked it, please let me know! and again, if you'd like to give me a tip you can do so on my kofi 💖

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #*#fic: soft!dom joel

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absurdthirst · 10 months

Text

High Infidelity {Dave York x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.1k

Warnings: Cheating, fraud, mentions of divorce, payback, forced cuckolding, restraints, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, revenge sex

Comments: When you find out that your husband is banging the neighbor's wife, you and the neighbor decide to make them pay.

Co-written with @pedropascalsx

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Dave York MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

The moment was bittersweet, finding out that your suspicions were correct and that he could no longer gaslight you was a temporary feeling of relief. Quickly replaced with hurt and devastation. He was your childhood sweetheart, your first and only love, and for the better part of a year he has been sleeping with the woman next door.

The same woman whose kids you babysat during the week to let her and her husband have a peaceful date night, the same woman who had sat in your kitchen a few nights earlier with a group a mutual friends and drank your wine, the same woman who had held your hand and reassured you the night that you found out your husband wasn’t able to have children.

Rewatching the footage of them kissing as they entered the bedroom you shared, him ripping off her dress as she unbuttoned his shirt made your heart lurch. Never would you have imagined it was with Carol York.

The signs he was cheating were there from day one; being overprotective of his phone, working late, charges on your joint account that just weren’t adding up and then the biggest cliche of all; lipstick on his collar.

The urge to confront him was bubbling up in your stomach, and then you thought about Dave… Did he know? Did he suspect anything? Should you tell him?

After going back and forth a few times you had settled on yes, he deserves to know. So you pick up your laptop, and slide in under your arm. Ready to go next door and tell him everything.

****

Rolling his eyes after the doorbell peels, Dave sighs and stands up from the kitchen table. His laptop open and report that was making his head throb was never fun but distractions just makes it harder to get back to work. Especially since the house is actually quiet with the girls at school and Carol at work. Moving towards the door, he opens it to find you, his next door neighbor waiting. He hums your name in surprise and wonders if something is wrong. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you reply with a weak smile, “I’m really sorry to interrupt whatever it is that you’re doing, but we need to talk.”

“Everything alright?” Your face is filled with concern and he’s immediately on guard, eyes sliding behind you and not seeing anything that would have him reaching for the pistol kept in the entryway table.

“Honestly, no,” you admit with an uncomfortable laugh, “Can I come in? I don’t think it’s something I should tell you standing at your door.”

Frowning, Dave stands back and lets you in the house. He normally doesn’t like having someone - especially female - at the house when Carol isn’t here. Busybodies talk and he hates that kind of shit. “What’s going on?” He asks as he closes the door.

“Thank you,” you say as you walk into the kitchen and settle your laptop on the counter. “Look, I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you deserve to know, and I’ve bought this here as evidence. I don’t have to show you it but I thought bringing proof was the best way to handle it... Carol and Tommy are having an affair.”

The first instinct he has is to deny it. To question why you are telling him something that he knows isn’t true, but he doesn’t. There’ve been times where something doesn’t sit right with Dave. Carol’s ease of assuring him that Tommy will handle something while he’s out of town. “What evidence?” He demands, knowing the best thing is to hear you out. If it’s flimsy, he can start watching his wife’s actions. If it’s concrete proof, he will know.

“It’s a video,” you say as you open your laptop, “I’ve been suspicious for a while, and then I found underwear that definitely doesn’t belong to me. So I bought a nanny cam. Are you sure you want to see this?”

“Shit.” Dave hisses but he nods. “Show me.” He demands, hating how his stomach is curling at the thought. It’s not like he hadn’t thought about other women, but he hadn’t touched one.

You nod a few times before moving the laptop to face him, pressing play on a scene that makes you feel violently sick. “I’m so sorry, Dave. Never in a million years did I expect it to be with your wife… my friend.”

Dave’s brows pull together, jaw tightening in anger as he watches, listens to the scene in front of him. There’s zero doubt that is his wife, bouncing on another guy's dick. He doesn’t even realize his hands clenched in anger as he watches, furious at the betrayal.

Seeing the fury and the obvious hurt on his face, you decide to pause the video and close down the laptop. He doesn’t need to see anymore and neither do you. “As soon as he gets home today, I'm making him leave. He can go back to his mothers.”

Dave huffs, nearly glaring at you. “Show me the rest of it.” He demands.

You push the laptop over at him, and shake your head, “Fine, but I don’t want to see anymore.”

Nodding, he watches as you log back in and he pushes play. Glancing at you when you winch, hearing the moans and the breathless conversation as they fuck on what he assumes is your bed. “Fucking assholes.”

“She’s faking it,” you scoff, as the moans get more animated. “The man couldn’t give a woman an orgasm if his life depended on it.”

He snorts and it’s on the tip of his tongue to ask why the fuck you stayed with him then. “Don’t kick him out.” Dave decides seriously.

“What?” You say with a raised eyebrow, before both of your attention is immediately drawn back to them. Laying in their ‘post coital glow.’

“God, I swear she gets dumber every day,” your husband says with a laugh, “All I’ve got to do is pay her five minutes of attention and the stupid bitch thinks everything is fine. Doesn’t even realize that my lawyer has pretty much voided the prenuptial agreement. I’ll hand her the form to sign and just like the dutiful wife she is, she’ll be signing half her money over to me without as much of a second glance.”

“Dave makes good money, but he’s so fucking boring. He wants to ‘save for a rainy day’.” Carol hums. “But he doesn’t ever spend time with just me. He always wants the girls around. I’m tired of being a perfect mother. I honestly didn’t want Molly. But Dave had to try for his boy.” She snorts. “Too much of a pussy to give me a boy, I guess.”

Dave growls, pissed at the way she is talking about their daughter. He doesn’t give a shit about what she says about him. “She’s the fucking one who decided to take out her fucking birth control.”

“It’s been about a year,” you say to Dave, “Well, that’s when I started having suspicions. Always working late on a Thursday night, and unexplained charges on our joint account. I’ve let him walk over me for a year.” Tears start to well up in your eyes, and embarrassment floods through you. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t fucking cheat.” Dave scoffs. “Don’t be sorry.” He shakes his head, “don’t kick him out. Don’t show him that you know.” He advises, the gears in his mind already turning. “Get a lawyer, start moving your money around so he can’t take it.”

“Okay,” you say with a deep breath, “I have an account that he doesn’t have access to. Fuck. I’m so stupid. I knew he was cheating, I just let him gaslight me over and over.”

“You didn’t want to believe it.” Luckily you and the fucker don’t have kids, and he would just fucking kill them both, but the girls would miss their mother. He narrows his eyes at the screen. “Get a lock box, or safety deposit box for all your paperwork. will, social security cards, jewelry. Lock them up. Start removing him from shit. Access to the cell phone plan to make changes. Utilities, whatever you have jointly, unless it’s something he uses everyday.”

“I, uh, I should write this down,” you say, nodding your head, “Dave… Thursday nights… Was she here? There were nights where he came home the next morning after claiming he slept in the office.”

He shakes his head, huffing to himself. “She had ‘book club’.” He gives air quotes. “And since they supposedly always got so hammered, she would stay there.” He had thought it was stupid, but he had also felt like his wife deserved a night out, away from the kids.

“Fuck.” Shaking your head, “I’m going to go home. Start the things you’ve suggested. I’m really sorry again, Dave. I just felt you deserved to know.”

“Thank you for telling me.” His own situation is slightly more difficult, often the agency will put people on desk duty when finding out they are divorcing and he doesn’t want that. “Let me know if they make more videos. I’m going to install a camera here too.”

“Write down your email address and I'll send you that video. I guess we will have to work out a way to approach this together.”

Dave nods and reaches for the pad he keeps next to the home phone. Ripping off a sheet and writing his private email down, along with his phone number. “I’ll think of some way to make these fuckers sorry.” He promises, handing it to you. “I’m going to be finding out the toughest lawyer in the business. I’ll let you know their names.”

“Thank you, Dave,” you say as you feel your reserve slipping, the urge to cry coming back in full force. “Let’s make them pay.”

He nods, watching as you pick up your laptop. “Call me if you feel like you’re going to tell him you know.” He asks, knowing that he would tell Carol and then Dave would have to figure out a plan b.

“Will do.” The second you’re back inside, you start the tasks he gave you. Starting with gathering up all your important documents and putting them in a temporary safe space and then ordering a safe. You wonder how long Dave’s plan will take and hope it won’t be too long, the idea of sharing a bed with your husband makes your skin crawl.

****

Thursday’s have become sort of a check in day. You normally end up coming over and spending the evening with Dave and the girls. Sometimes having dinner and then staying once the girls had gone to bed. Tonight is another check in and Dave pours you a glass of wine. “How are you holding up?” He asks quietly.

“Better,” you admit with a smile, “Everything except the joint account is handled. Just ready to move on with my life and hopefully meet someone who actually cares about me. How about you?”

“Most everything was in my name anyway.” Dave admits with a small smirk. “She can’t touch the house since I bought it with my VA and I’m going for custody. I might have to pay her out, but whatever.”

“I guess him being infertile ended up working in my favor,” you say sadly, “I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone because he said that it was embarrassing, but I own the house. My Dad left me an inheritance and I was fortunate enough to buy it outright with it. I’m going to miss living here.”

“Why are you going to move?” Dave asks. “If you own the house and bought it with your inheritance, it’s yours.”

“I always imagined filling it with kids,” you say with a shrug, “I don’t want to be in a big house that’ll remind me just how alone I am.”

He frowns slightly, even as he voices his next thought. “You could always bring in another guy.” He reminds you. “Find love and fill it with kids.”

“I guess.” The sadness is evident in your voice, so you change the subject, “So are you any closer to coming up with a plan?”

Dave chuckles and glances up just as there is a loud thump upstairs. “After the girls are asleep.” He promises, knowing little ears don’t need to hear his plan.

“Sounds like you have something figured out,” you say before taking a sip of your wine.

“Do you want to humiliate them?” Dave asks with a small smirk. “And get revenge?”

“Yes,” you answer with a smile, “I want him to hurt the way he hurt me.”

“Then I’ll tell you about my plan in twenty minutes.” He promises and nods to your wine.

“So drink up, you’re gonna need it.”

Wordlessly you nod and take another large sip of your wine, desperate to hear his plan.

The two of you dance around the subject, talking about things in the news, events happening in town and Dave enjoys it. He’s come to enjoy talking to you and spending time in your company. Your husband is an idiot to throw over someone who is funny and nice, actually pays attention to the world around her - he doesn’t deserve you. When Dave’s self appointed time is up, he sets down his own wine glass and leans in close. “We should sleep together.” He announces.

“What?” You say with a giggle, convinced you’d misheard him. You had thought about it, fuck the last few times you’ve slept with your husband you’d found yourself imagining it was Dave, circling your clit with such intensity that you came harder than ever before. “I mean… Fuck, I want to. But wouldn’t that make us just as bad?”

“Not if we fuck in front of them.” Dave chuckles, smirking slightly because of your admission of want. “As a sort of goodbye gift to them.”

“Oh,” you say, thinking about the look of Tommy’s face as Dave fucks you. Tommy paraded you around like a trophy, having no issues embarrassing you by announcing to anyone and everyone that you lost your virginity to him and he’d be the only man to have been inside of you. Like you were his possession. “I like it. But I have one condition…. and you might find it a little weird.”

“What’s that?” Dave tilts his head and looks at you curiously. It’s not unusual to have conditions and he would be surprised if you didn’t.

“I want you to cum inside of me.” You say after taking a deep breath, “I’ll buy Plan B in preparation and you can watch me take it. But I need for him to see that it’s really over, and despite what he thinks… he doesn’t own me.”

Dave frowns and then he remembers the first Christmas party after you had moved into the neighborhood. Tommy had been shit housed and bragging about how his was the only ever cum you’ve had. He had marked you good and proper. Dave hums, his lips curling up wickedly. “Done.”

“Thank you.” It feels oddly liberating to think about. “I don’t think we should do it in the houses though… Maybe book a hotel. Request adjoining rooms and keep everything a surprise. Blindfolds and gags. Only reveal to them what’s happening after they’re strapped to some shitty hotel chair unable to move.”

He raises a brow and smirks at how quickly you came up with something that is so feasible. “Noise canceling headphones.” Dave adds, nodding. “So they can’t hear us opening the door and whatever, not until we are ready.”

“Perfect. I want them to suffer. And I know that’s awful to say out loud but the way they spoke about us… fuck.” You shake your head and laugh, “You know that he doesn’t pay for a single bill in our house. Works part time and the entirety of his paychecks go on his stupid hobbies… Golfing or gaming. I put money into our joint account each month and he just… Fuck. He gets nothing.”

“You have a prenup, and a clause for cheating.” Dave smirks and chuckles. “Carol’s gonna get something, but it won’t be enough for her liking.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on his face as you fuck me.” You say with a chuckle, before finishing up your wine. “What’s your favorite color?”

Dave grins and imagines you in his favorite color. “Green.” He hums. “Dark green.”

“Dark green it is,” you say with a wink. “When do you wanna do this?”

“I say we wait and do it when the lawyers finish the divorce papers.” Dave suggests. “We pack their shit that day and load it into a storage unit, change our locks and codes, fuck in front of them, drop the keys and the papers and shoot them the bird on the way out the door.”

“That sounds perfect. I know this sounds weird to say, but I'm kind of grateful he cheated. I would have spent forever living in his shadow and the past few weeks I’ve really started to realize that he doesn’t deserve me.” You say, with your first genuine smile in weeks. “Also I get to fuck my sexy neighbour in revenge.”

“You think I’m sexy?” Dave’s brows wing up and he’s flattered by the compliment. It’s been a long time since someone’s said that. The marriage had hit rocky patches before but never like this and he sees now that she’s been disengaging for a while.

“I have eyes, Dave,” you say with a giggle, “Every woman on this block stops and stares when you walk past. Those shoulders… Fuck. Those lips.”

“You’re so full of shit.” Dave huffs, rolling his eyes even if he secretly likes the compliment.

“Oh please,” you say, “Like you haven’t noticed the staring. Honestly, I’ve thought of you whilst using my wand,” you admit with a shrug, “After seeing you mowing the lawn shirtless.”

He smirks and leans back. “Might do that on purpose.” He admits with a shrug. “Tanning and all.”

“Well thank you for the show,” you giggle. “God, I can’t believe she cheated on you with him. I know he’s my husband but I had the excuse of him being my high school sweetheart. We’ve been together for years and he’s never made me cum once.”

“Bullshit.” Dave snorts and shakes his head. “Not even once? By accident?” He asks, nearly amazed by how fucking horrible that is.

“Never. He doesn’t do foreplay, and he’s never found that spot inside of me,” you shrug, “Usually I let him do his thing so I can roll over and sleep, occasionally I’ll rub my clit just to distract myself.”

“He doesn’t eat your pussy?” Dave’s eyes widen in shock and disgust. He understands that not all women cum from sex, he had a girlfriend before Carol who could not cum from penetration but he damn sure made her cum on his tongue.

“Nope. Never. He’s never even tried it, says the idea of it makes him ‘queasy’.” Looking over at him and seeing the look of surprise on his face makes you chuckle, “Guess I didn’t pick a good one.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, what a moron.” He shakes his head and his opinion of Tommy drops even lower than before and he didn’t think that was possible. “What a ….fuck, a pussy.”

“Nah. A pussy is useful,” you correct him, “I should get back. I’m super tired and he hasn’t texted saying it’s a ‘late one’ tonight so I figure they’ll be home soon. I will be counting down the seconds until the lawyers are done with the paperwork.”

“I would offer to show you what a real man does with his mouth, but I’ll wait to give him a ‘lesson’.” Dave hums, standing up and offering you a hand to get up off the couch.

“Oh, yeah? You going to eat my little pussy in front of him?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. You take his hand and let him help you up.

“Fuck yes.” Dave smirks. “If he finds it repulsive, I also wanna remind Carol what she’s missing. She fucking loved when I would go down on her.”

You hum happily, “I can’t wait to feel those lips on me.” Leaning forward you place a small kiss on his cheek, “Thank you for tonight. I really enjoy spending time with you and your gorgeous girls. I’ll be waiting impatiently for the paperwork to be completed. Goodnight, Dave.”

“Good night, sweetheart.” Dave walks you to the door and opens it for you. “As soon as it’s in, we’ll make sure they regret cheating on us.”

“Yes we will,” you agree with a smile, before walking back over to your house. Creeping upstairs and getting into the shower. Letting yourself get lost in imagining the feeling of Dave’s hands all over you, his mouth on your cunt and his cock buried inside of you. Your fingertips work your bundle of nerves as quickly as they can and you cum with a soft moan of his name. Climbing out of the shower you get dried, fix your hair and get into your pajamas. Wanting to be asleep or at least pretending to be when Tommy finally crawls in beside you.

****

“I got my papers.” Dave risks a call, knowing Carol isn’t checking the phone bill and calling you as soon as he steps out from his lawyers office. They don’t approve of his idea, but he also wasn’t told he couldn't do it. Just that he shouldn’t and he doesn’t agree with that.

“Me too,” you say gleefully down the phone. “You want to do it this weekend?”

“I’m thinking so.” Dave grins at the glee in your voice. “How do we want to lure them to the hotel?”

“I’m thinking we both book a room - request they’re adjoining, and once they’re both blindfolded, gagged and wearing headphones, we unlock the door and I'll lead Tommy into your room?”

“That works.” Dave agrees. “I’ll tell Carol I want to put some spice back in our marriage.”

“I’ll tell Tommy I have a surprise planned. I’ll go ahead and call and book the hotel.. and then I have some shopping to do… Dark green right?”

“Dark green.” He hums. “I’m going to enjoy ripping it off of you.” He admits, voice dropping.

“Keep playing with my pussy to the thought of it,” you whisper into your phone. “Only a few days to go.”

“I’ll book the rooms together but put one under your name.” Dave tells you, knowing that he will be able to convince them of it.

“Perfect. Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Start making noises to your husband about getting away. Doing something romantic this weekend. I’m going to ‘surprise’ Carol.”

“Perfect. Can’t wait to see the look on both of their faces. I’ll text you tonight, once I've told him about the surprise.”

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, you pop into Victoria’s secret and spot the perfect set and make your way home. Large glass of wine poured, you sip it generously as you listen to his footsteps approaching the door.

“Good day at work?” You call out from the kitchen with a roll of your eyes.

“Long,” Tommy groans before reaching over and helping himself to your wine, “Tomorrow is going to be longer.”

“Oh. I really hope they’re going to start paying you for those long Thursday nights. Sometimes you don’t even make it home. It’s not good for you sleeping on your office floor,” you say with the most sympathetic smile you can force. “Anyway, I have a plan for Saturday night that’ll make it all better. A surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” He says with a raised eyebrow and a curl of his lips, “What kind of surprise?”

“All will be revealed,” you say as you turn to him with a small kiss on his cheek, “A surprise that involved me spending a huge amount of money in Victoria’s secret for someone.” You leave him standing in the kitchen with a grin plastered on his face as you begin to climb the stairs with the rest of the wine and a new glass, “Dinner is ordered, i’m going for a bath.”

Dinner passes with its normal antics from the kids and Dave watches Carol. Nothing about her demeanor says that she’s cheating but he’s found the credit card she’s using to pay for it. It’s a secret one that she opened in his name. Not only is she renting hotel rooms, but she’s doing it on his fucking credit. It’s malicious irony that Dave booked the rooms at the same hotel that her and Tommy frequent.

Avoiding him for the rest of the evening, you have a long hot soak in the bath and only retreat back downstairs to grab your dinner and a drink. Spending the rest of the evening in bed watching netflix whilst he watches TV downstairs.

You decide to shoot Dave a quick text to let him know you’ve told Tommy about the surprise, and check you’re still on for to meet up and go over the plan the next evening.

‘Hey. Told him that I’ve booked a special surprise, and he ate it up. He’s told me he’s “working late” tomorrow, so I can pop around and we can go over things?’

Dave hums as his phone buzzes, Carol engrossed in her show so he slides his phone out and grins. His own reply comes quickly. ‘Sure. Now I wonder if Carol will be told about your plans this weekend? Ever wonder if he tells her that you two still have sex?’

You huff and type back. ‘We’ve had sex twice in the past two months, so I’m pretty sure if he’s saying anything, it’s about my lack of interest in the cheating bastard. Only fucked him so he would stop questioning why I was being distant. I doubt he’ll say anything though. The last video of them cheating he spent most of it, reassuring her that he doesn’t love me and never did. Do you think she’ll tell him about your ‘plans’?’

Dave snorts. ‘Haven’t told her. Plan on doing it at the last minute and making it seem like a romantic gesture.’

‘Good idea. I can’t wait till he is out of my house. Out of my life.’

‘Won’t be long. Just don’t kill him over the next few days.’ Dave chuckles to himself and when Carol looks up, he points to the tv. “They are so stupid it’s funny.” He explains, putting his phone away.

‘I’ll try.’ You reply before settling down for the night, wanting to be fasting asleep before Tommy gets upstairs.

****

The next day Tommy is ‘working late’ and Carol has a suspiciously timed meeting that runs over. Making Dave shake his head at how stupidly brazen they are getting. Still, he looks out the window and sees you walking over about an hour after he gets home with the kids.

You knock the door, dessert in hand as Alice whips open the door and immediately informs you that she and Molly are going to eat pizza in her room and watch a movie as you chat to Daddy.

Dave chuckles as you walk in. “The girls are getting spoiled.” He hums. “And so am I.”

“You have no idea,” you say with a wink, “I hear it’s pizza tonight? Sounds perfect.”

“Yeah, Carol had a “meeting”.” He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Strange, right?”

“Who’d have thought?” You giggle, “Well-,” you say as you pick up the glass of wine he’d poured for you, “Here’s to the last time they lie to us.”

“Are you ready for it?” He asks quietly, picking up his own glass. “For the big reveal?”

“I am counting down the seconds.” You say with a smile. “God, I hope they realize we aren’t to be fucked with.”

“I think they will figure that out when they don’t walk away with the pot of gold like they were expecting.” Dave snorts.

“I just can’t wait to see his face when he realizes that I'm not his trophy anymore.” The doorbell rings and Dave goes to get the pizza as you pour the girls out their juice, ready to take it upstairs to them for their movie night.

“Girls!” The two girls thunder downstairs to grab their cheese pizza and disappear just as quickly, each one fighting over who was going to sing the first song. Dave shakes his head and looks at you with a faux harried expression. “They are going to be trouble later on.” He predicts with a groan.

“I’m sure you can handle it, they worship their Daddy.” You say before topping up your glasses, “I’m going to miss this.”

“Why are you going to miss it?” Dave asks, frowning slightly.

“It’s been nice. Coming around and eating with you and the girls, the highlight of my week. They’re both absolutely adorable.”

“You can still come over anytime.” He offers. “If you aren’t out on dates, you know.” He shrugs and shoots you a smirk.

“Me? Dating? Unlikely. But I’d still love to come over. I mean it when I say it’s the highlight of my week.” You take a small sip and try to ignore the way he makes you feel, the past few weeks you had grown closer to Dave and started to really appreciate how good of a man he is.

“Shit.” Dave snorts. “You’ll be dating before the fucking ink is dry.” He predicts. “You’re beautiful, kind, funny and smart. And I bet you are killer in the sack. He’s an idiot.” He tells you, talking about your stupid soon-to-be-ex.

“You think I’m beautiful?” You ask quietly. “I can’t remember the last time someone complimented me. And the killer in the sack? Well I guess you don’t have long to find out.”

“I can’t wait to find out.” Dave admits quietly. “And you should be getting compliments all the time.”

“As should you. You’re remarkable. The best daddy ever, you work so hard and it’s appreciated, Dave.” You say before squeezing his hand, “And I’m excited to show you just how appreciated you are.”

“Is that what it’s going to be?” Dave asks, grinning slightly. “A show of appreciation?”

“If that’s what you want,” you tease, “Going to suck your cock. Just the thought of it makes me so wet.”

“Jesus.” His eyes widen, surprised you even said that out loud. He’s thought about it plenty, but apparently so have you. “Then we’ll have to do a sixty-nine. Because I’m gonna give your dumbass husband a lesson on how to make a woman squeal his name.”

“Fuck, that sounds perfect. But also to start I want to look into your eyes as I'm sucking your cock. Feel you fuck my mouth,” you whisper quietly.

“Have you ever done that before?” Dave asks, raising a brow and trying not to spring a boner at the thought of you letting him face fuck you.

“Nope,” you admit quietly. “Tommy had me blow him for a bit pretty much every time we had sex. But it was tame.”

“Bet he likes you to ‘look pretty’ while his dick is in your mouth.” Dave scoffs. “When your mascara should be running and the split is soaking your chin.”

“He just wants to get off. Fuck. I want that.”

Dave has been careful not to touch you. Not willing to put himself in the same level as Carol. He still won’t fuck you but he does reach out, talking ahold if your chin and rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip. “Then we’re going to enjoy it. You’re going to enjoy it.”

You reach out and squeeze his hand again, before taking another sip of your wine and a bite of your pizza. This time in 48 hours it’ll be the beginning of the new end, and the start of something new and exciting.

****

The day of, Dave walks up to Carol at the kitchen sink and wraps his arms around her. Imagining choking her, he forced himself to kiss her neck. “I arranged for the girls to have a sleepover tonight.” He hums, pressing himself up against her and imagining fucking you so he gets hard. “Booked us a hotel room.”

“Oh?” Carol squeals with excitement, “Which one? What’s the plan?” Pushing herself against him a little harder. One thing about Carol York is that she’ll never say no to a surprise.

Dave names the hotel and pretends not to notice the split second of his wife freezing in his arms. He knows she panics and the moment she relaxes, making him hum. “Figured it’s been awhile since we had a night to ourselves.”

“That sounds lovely, darling,” she says, “But I don’t want you wasting your money on me. We can just have a quiet night in.”

“Travel points.” Dave lies easily, knowing that she doesn’t want to go back to the same hotel where she’s been visiting every week. “Already booked and waiting on us. Already checked in.”

“Sounds great,” she lies, hoping the weekend staff aren’t the same as the ones during the week.

****

“You excited for tonight, honey?” You ask Tommy, who’s wolfing down his breakfast.

“Can't wait to see what you spent a fortune on in Victoria’s Secret, I think I’m due a sneak preview, just to get me through the day.” He says with a wink.

“No previews. The someone I bought this for will absolutely love it. I assure you.” You say as you go upstairs to pack you ‘both’ an overnight bag.

Dave manages to talk Carol into packing a bag, hustling her out of the house and into the car without much fuss. The girls have already been deposited at their friends house and as soon as she and Dave leave, a team of professional movers will be coming and boxing up everything Dave discreetly tagged to move into the storage unit he had rented.

You stick to the plan and wait for the text from Dave telling you they’re about to check in before you leave. Not wanting any awkward run-ins at reception. “Hey honey, I forgot to fill up my car, mind if I drive yours?” You ask innocently. Knowing that Dave had arranged for the movers to come to yours after they’ve collected Carol's stuff, and taking his car meant he’d have no reason to come back to your house.

Huffing, Tommy rolls his eyes, desperately thinking if he had left any evidence of Carol being in the car. “You’re lucky I make sure that my car is filled up all the time.” He lectures. “You need to take care of those things.”

“I’m sorry, love,” you say with a fake pout, “Had a lot on my mind.” You take the car keys from him and load up the car, seconds after the go ahead text from Dave. He huffs again as he enters the passenger side and starts droning on about how ‘he needs to know’ where you’re both staying that night.

“You’ll know soon enough, baby,” you placate with a squeeze of his knee, “Heard great things about this place.”

The plan was for Dave to unlock the adjoining door on his side when Carol was in the bathroom but leave it shut so she wouldn’t know, and you were to do the same when you got into the room.

“You won’t tell me where we are going and you won't let me see the lingerie.” He grumbles. “I thought you were spoiling me.”

“Like I said you’ll see soon enough,” you smile, “We’re not too far from where we are staying.”

Tommy shifts uneasily as he watches his normal hotel come into view. “Here honey?” He makes it sound like that’s a horrible idea. “I’ve heard this place is a dump.”

“Oh no,” you say with a shake of your head, “It’s a five star hotel, honey, cost me a fortune but tonight will be worth it.” You say with a wink, come on, let’s get checked in. “Maybe we can order room service.”

Tommy plasters on a fake smile and chuckles. Praying that no one recognizes him. It would ruin his plan.

You notice how antsy he is as you check in and it makes you grin and shake your head. He cowers behind you at the check in desk and stares at the floor, refusing to make eye contact with anyone and practically running towards the elevator once you’ve got your keycard.

‘Here.’ You text Dave in the elevator, pretending to text your mom. “God this hotel is gorgeous, I can’t wait to see our room.”

“Maybe we can just stay in our room all night.” Tommy manages, reaching out and snagging your waist. “Lock the world away.”

“Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart,” you assure him, “The plans I have for tonight, don’t involve you going anywhere.”

He’s relieved, planning on hiding in the bathroom when you decide to order room service. He can’t let anyone let you know about his plans, he’s not ready yet. Still needing access to the deed for the house. He wants to add himself to it so he can take it from you. It’ll be nice rental income, moving in with Carol and renting out that house.

You open the door and take a look around the room, unlocking your side of the adjoining rooms as Tommy has a “first look” around the bathroom. You open your bag and start to take out a few bits, quietly calling him back in the room so Carol can’t hear you shouting his name. “Are you excited for tonight?”

“Depends on if you're going to suck my dick or not.” Tommy grins, thinking that he’s being romantic. The one bad thing about Carol is that she’s not willing to give him head if he doesn’t go down on her. Claiming that you might have understood, but she wasn’t a doormat. He missed someone sucking his dick.

“I promise that there will be some dick in this pretty little mouth tonight,” you tease, before picking up the blindfold and gag you had hidden in your purse, “Are you going to be a good boy and do as I say?”

Tommy’s brows shoot up. “What’s this?” He demands, grinning. “You never want to play.”

“Just thought we’d spice things up a little,” you reply softly, “I can feel you slipping away from me. I read some tips… you don’t want to?”

“No, no.” Tommy’s greedy. You might be boring in bed but you are also the only woman who has only had him. “I want to. I’m just surprised you want to. Sure you don’t want me to blindfold you?”

“Maybe later, but right now I want to do this my way.” Walking over, you untie his tie and motion for him to give you his hands, using the tie to restrain him. Before gagging, blindfolding and putting on his noise canceling headphones.

‘Ready when you are!’ You text Dave after sitting Tommy down on one of the two hotel chairs and lightly restraining him to it.

Lifting off one side of his headphones you whisper into his ears, “Good things come to those who wait.”

Dave hums, deciding that he would lift his own noise canceling headphones off Carol’s ear. She’s already tied up, but not in a chair. “Come on baby, I’m going to guide you.” He coos in her ear. “Trust me.”

You open the adjoining door after hearing Dave open his, and flash him a little smile as he guides Carol to the chair next to Tommys.

“You ready?” You ask him, as he steps back and places his hand on the small of your back.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Dave doesn’t fucking care about them, they made their bed. But if you don’t want to do this, he can pull the plug and just snatch the rug out from under them without ever laying a finger on you.

Rocking up on your tiptoes, you place a fleeting kiss to his lips before nodding. “I’m ready, ready to follow your lead.”

“Do you still want to suck my cock?” Dave asks, reaching up and cupping your cheek.

“Fuck, yes, i’ve been thinking about it all day.”

He hums and pats your cheek lightly, “then strip down. I want you naked on your knees so I can fuck you right away when we get done indulging.”

“You don’t wanna rip this off of me in front of them?” You ask as you unbutton your sundress and let it fall to the floor, revealing the dark green lacy lingerie set you had picked out just for Dave.

“Fuck.” He hisses, cock twitching at seeing his favorite color on your body. “Never mind. Keep it on. I’ll strip.”

“Yes sir,” you say with a giggle, excited to finally feel his hands on you.

Dave strips down quickly, watching Tommy and Carol start to shift restlessly in their chairs. Antsy. He smirks and arches a brow when he shucks his pants and reveals his hard cock. “Sure you want to do this?”

“Holy shit, it’s gorgeous,” you choke out at the sight of his cock, “Fuck yes. You ready to take their blindfolds off?”

“Blindfolds and headphones.” He hums. “Not the gags.”

“Let’s go.” You walk towards Tommy and Dave walks towards Carol. On his signal headphones are removed and then masks. The look on your now ex-husbands face is a sight to behold. Both of them stare at each other in utter bewilderment as you take a step back and take Dave’s hand. “Hello, honey, how are you liking your surprise? Must be nice to see the woman you’ve been fucking for the better part of a year here with us and her husband too.”

Dave chuckles and shakes his head as his face drops into a scowl at the two of them. They are completely frozen and panicked. "It's funny that you think we wouldn't find out." He tells them flatly before he turns to you. "Why don't we show them what it's like to watch your spouse fuck the neighbor?"

“I think we should,” you say with a giggle, as you perch yourself on the end of the bed. “Hurt them, how they hurt us.”

“Maybe they won’t give a shit.” The muffled protests coming from the two seems to disprove that, but Dave just leans in to press his lips to yours softly. It’s the first kiss he’s ever given you. When he pulls back he tells them that before smirking. “I want you on your knees, pretty girl.”

You ignore the sounds coming from that side of the room, and immediately get up and sink down to your knees. Looking up at Dave with your sweetest smile before gently holding on to the base of him, and placing a light kiss on the tip of his cock. The tip bright red and begging for release, you lick the bead of precum that’s gathered at the top and slowly wrap your lips around him. Not used to having something so big in your mouth, you moan at the stretch, taking him in just a few inches and swirling your tongue around him.

“Fuck.” Dave hisses, looking down at you and cupping your cheek. “Take more of it. I know you can. But don’t choke. I’m going to fuck that pretty throat of yours.”

You do as he instructs as take him further into your throat, breathing through your nose and swallowing around him. Slowly bobbing up and down before taking him further, loving the firm grip he has on your face. You can feel yourself getting wetter the deeper you take him, the sounds he makes spurring you on and making you crave more.

“Unlike you two, this is the first time for us.” Dave groans, sliding his hand around to cup the back of your head. “So you get to enjoy the first time I fuck your wife since you’ve been fucking mine.”

You hollow your cheeks and suck as hard as you can as your nose just brushes against the patch of hair at the base. Drowning out the groans of annoyance from Tommy and Carol by moaning happily around him. Tears stream from your eyes as he keeps your head from moving, keeping you still as he feeds you the last inch or so of his cock.

Once Dave feels the back of your throat constrict around him, he pulls his hips back. “Fuck, I’m gonna enjoy this.” He groans, holding your head tights as he snaps his hips forward roughly and buries his cock in your mouth again.

You almost squeal as he fucks into your mouth, groaning in pleasure as you suck around him. Praising you for taking him so well, and telling you how pretty you look with his cock in your needy little mouth.

Both Tommy and Carol are struggling against the ties that bind them in the chairs. Shouting against the gags, but Dave doesn’t even pay them any attention. Focusing on you. “That pretty little pussy is wet, isn’t it?” He huffs. “Can’t wait to taste it. To lick you until you squeal my name.”

Looking up at him through your tear stained eyelashes you nod dutifully, a smile stretching across your already stretched out mouth. Before you resume your focus on his cock, bobbing your head to meet the snap of his hips, chasing more of those groans he floods the room with.

“You should have licked her cunt, Tommy.” Dave growls mockingly. “Now I’m going to and she’s going to realize what she’s been missing being with a piece of shit like you.” He smirks, looking over at his wife as she cries. “Can’t believe you put up with that shit. Especially since you know how good my tongue is.”

You pull off him and stroke his length, you’ve drenched the lacy material from sucking his cock alone and feel yourself flood the fabric further as he talks about eating you out. “Dave,” you say with a breathy moan, as you lick the weeping tip of him, “I need you.”

Smirking, he grabs your hand and helps you up, sliding his hand down between your legs possessively. “Fuck, you’re soaked baby girl.” He growls. “Want to see how much wetter I can get you. Gotta undress you first.” The panties are ripped off, pulling a moan out of you and he chuckles when the expensive green top also rips apart in his hands. The chairs are positioned so that the bed is on full display and he pulls you down onto it with him.

“I wanna show him,” you mumble, “I wanna show him how fucking wet I get when I actually want to suck a cock, I want him to see how you could slide right in with no fucking lube.”

“Shit.” Dave slaps your ass and smirks at the two spouses. “Never really thought about fucking her until we found out you two were cheating.” He admits. “So thank you.”

“Can’t say I didn’t think about Dave,” you admit with a shrug as you shuffle towards Tommy, opening your legs and letting him see your glistening cunt.

"I thought about it." He amends, "but I never considered doing it until now. Because I was fucking married."

“Same,” you shrug, “Shame that the people we married didn’t feel the same.” You shift back up and take his face in your hands, “I want you to do whatever you need to me, baby.”

"Fuck, I want you to sit on my face." Dave coos, reaching down to slide a finger through your folds and grins when you shiver. "Show you how a real man eats pussy."

“Yes sir,” you whisper before kissing him, watching as he lays down on his back and as he motions for you to move up. You lower yourself down slowly, hovering a few inches from his face.

“Fuck.” Dave groans, his cock twitching at the sight and he tilts his head back to look at Tommy. “Don’t know how you didn’t dive into this cunt every chance you got.” He huffs before he grabs your hips and pulls you down onto his tongue.

“Dave,” you yelp, as he slowly drags his tongue through your folds. Teasing your clit over and over. One of the hands finds purpose in his hair, tangling in his slightly overgrown style as the other grips onto the headboard. Your hips start to rock of their own accord, chasing your high, as a brand new sensation overwhelms you.

He flicks and curls his tongue, showing off for the cheating bastards who are still squirming and huffing through their gags, but also for you. Wanting to make the first time you’ve ever been eaten out memorable for more reasons than just showing up your cheating ex.

You can’t stop panting his name, moaning it over and over as you soak his face. It doesn’t take long until you’re hanging over the edge, seconds from cumming because of another person for the first time in your life. “So close, baby, so close.” You choke out through ragged breaths.

Dave groans, squeezing your hips and encouraging you to cum for him. Eager to taste it and to show your bastard husband that you deserved it.

With a few more flicks of his tongue against your clit, you’re cumming hard, flooding his face with your arousal as he pulls you apart in the most incredible way.

Dave groans and keeps you pressed against him, wanting to have you soak up every bit of your pleasure until you are sobbing his name out loud.

It doesn’t take long until you’re meeting his silent demand, and the yells shimmer down to you whimpering his name. You want to taunt your husband, tell him that’s what it looks like when you cum, but you don’t. You focus on Dave, moving yourself down him slowly and straddling his waist, before leaning back down and whispering the softest ‘thank you’ into his ear.

Smirking slightly, Dave nods. He’s not thinking about Tommy or Carol right now, he’s tuned them out. But he is thinking about you and how fucking wet you are, grinding down on his cock. “Can I fuck you?” He asks, even though you are on top of him.

“Please,” you plead, with a smile. “How do you want me?”

“Do you want to ride me to start out with?” He asks, caressing your hip.

“Can we build up to that?” You say quietly, “You’re huge. It’s going to be a stretch, I’m not used to anything like this.”

“That’s good,” Dave nods, knowing he doesn’t want to hurt you. “Lay down on your side, facing your loving husband.” He smirks, imagining the look on the bastard's face when he slides into you.

“Okay,” you nod, biting back the endearment hanging off the tip of your tongue. You do as he says, looking at your furious husband, feeling a shiver run through. Fearing what he might do once he’s unrestrained.

Dave curls around you, hand sliding up to cup your breast and then down to your thigh. “Don’t worry. He’s not going to touch you.” He promises, whispering in your ear. “I won’t let him lay a finger on you.”

Within seconds of feeling his touch, the fear is replaced with excitement and lust and the need to feel him slip into you. “Fuck me, Dave,” you plead, letting your eyes flicker up to your husband one more time, before letting yourself forget he’s in the room.

He chuckles quietly and lifts your thigh, bringing it back over his hip and opening you up to their view. “I’m going to fuck you. Been thinkin’ about fucking you for weeks. Imagining how tight and hot you’d be.” He kisses along your jaw as he slides closer and shifts to take his cock in his hand.

You let him mold you into the position he wants you, loving the way his hands feel on you. “God, me too. Fuck. Played with my pussy every night dreaming about this.”

The head teases your slit, sliding around and he hums. “Good.” He glances at his crying wife and your angry husband and smirks. “Let me know how it feels, baby.” He orders as he starts to push inside you.

You whimper as he starts to inch into you, the stretch of him feeling delicious. “Feels so good, baby,” you choke out, before placing your hand on top of his and squeezing. “So fucking big.”

“That’s it.” Dave growls, slowly rocking his hips and sinking deeper. “You’re taking it so good, baby. Squeezing my dick like a vice.”

“Fuck,” you moan, as he hits something new inside of you. Something that makes you clamp down hard around him and chant his name like sacred prayer, over and over.

He doesn’t start fucking you like it’s his last day on earth. Not yet anyway. He takes his time. Measured thrusts meant to make you cry out and yet he’s not giving it his all. Changing the pace and force often to keep things stimulated for you and remind Carol what she’s given up.

It’s nothing you’ve ever experienced before, someone chasing their high whilst chasing yours just as hard. With every moan, and flutter he praises you for taking him so well, for soaking his cock and squeezing him so perfectly.

His hands start to wander. Knowing that women love to be worshiped while they are having sex, his hands squeeze and grope adoringly. Forgetting about your audience, he concentrates on the breathless moans and whimpers that come from your throat. Seemingly made more desperate everytime he praises you.

“I think I’m go—,” is all you’re able to get out, before you clamp down around him hard and cum on his cock. Focusing on his sweet praises as you convulse in pleasure, feeling your sheets dampen beneath you as he keeps the same delicious pace throughout your high.

"That's it, fuck that's it, baby girl." Dave moans as he feels you cum all over him. "Soak my cock. Show me how fucking wet your little pussy gets when you cum." He huffs. "You needed this, didn't you? It's been so fucking long since you've really cum, hasn't it?"

“Needed it so bad,” you pant, as you come back down. “Never cum like that before. You want me to ride you now, baby?” You ask, as you pull his hand up to your mouth and gently kiss it.

"Yes." Dave pulls out of you and rolls onto his back, eager to feel you on top of him again. "Ride me, baby girl."

“I love it when you call me baby,” you say, as you straddle his hips and sink down onto him. Taking him inch by inch, until you’re filled with him. Slowly you start to rock your hips, building up to a pace that has him groaning your name. The sound of muffled cries and shouting drowned out both of your pleasure. His thumb finds his clit and he rubs gentle circles into it as you ride him, wanting to feel his cock throb against your tights walls that are fluttering around him.

You don’t bounce on his cock, or slam yourself back. It’s a slow grind that he finds himself grunting every time you circle your hips. He just keeps his eyes on you. Enjoying the way your own close and your head tilts back as you moan.

With every rock of your hips, he notches against paradise. Soft moans slip from your slips, as you chase your high again. Wanting to cum one more time before he does. Needing to feel him as much as you can, for as long as you possibly can.

One hand on your hip, another on your clit, he urges you to cum. “Come on baby, I know you can cum around my cock, again.” He groans, thrusting up into you shallowly. “Want to see it, beautiful.”

You rock your hips a little faster, chasing more friction from this hand on your clit and with a one word command for you to ‘cum’, you’re clamping down around him once more. Pleasure coursing throughout your body as he keeps you from falling forward, and continues to fuck up into you. Praising you for taking him for so well and fitting around him like a glove.

Once you have collapsed into his chest, Dave rolls you over and pushes your legs wider. Grunting as he takes over and his next thrust is hard enough to have you yelling.

“Fuck,” you scream, as he begins a breath stealing pace. “F-fill me up,” you beg, as he pounds in and out of you.

There’s renewed struggling and muffled screaming. Tommy most likely when he hears the plea for Dave to fill you up, but he doesn’t give a shit. Focusing on you and his own mounting pleasure as he fucks you hard and fast.

The sounds that are coming from you are unrecognizable. Brand new. Noises of pure unfiltered pleasure drowning out everything else. “Please,” you choke out, the word pained as another orgasm threatens to devastate your exhausted body. “Please, Dave.”

“Gonna- gonna cum.” He growls, clenching his jaw to push another few thrusts out of his body that screams for release. He knows you’re close again. He can feel it. Needs to see you do it again for his own selfish pride.

With little to no warning, he pulls you back over that edge with him. His thrusts sloppy as you clamp down hard around him, practically screaming his name as you milk him dry of his cum. He grits out a little praise in your ear, before groaning your name and wrapping his arms around you as you sink deeper into the mattress.

Dave groans at the first piercing sound of his name, giving in and pushing deep as he starts to cum. Tightening his hold on you as he groans your name. Rolling his hips as he fills you.

“You feel so good,” you whimper as he paints your walls. You don’t want it to end, you want him to stay buried inside your desperate cunt forever. You can’t pretend that the past few weeks you haven’t been falling for him, and now being wrapped in his arms, you’re well and truly screwed. Literally.

“So good, baby. Fuck, that’s a tight little cunt.” He coos. “Never would have gone anywhere else if I had you in my bed.” It’s a shot at your husband, but it’s also true. He pulls back and presses his lips to yours before looking back at the cheaters still tied to their chairs. “We’re divorcing you both.” He announces.

“And you’ve already signed the papers,” you say with a smile, before immediately looking back at Dave. “Tommy gave me the idea. You were going to hand me an amended version of the prenup right? And this “dumb dutiful wife” was going to sign it without even glancing it over.”

Dave smirks when he sees Tommy’s eyes widen and his face drops. Discovering that his plot has been discovered. “Oops.” He hums sarcastically.

You giggle, before gently turning Dave’s face back towards yours and kissing him as hard as you can, a kiss that speaks a thousand words without saying any. “Thank you,” you murmur against his lips, knowing it’s time to face the music.

“Of course.” Dave sees the uncertainty and anxiety cross your face. He can tell you are scared of what might happen now that this is done. Pulling out if you gently, he sits up and looks towards the cheaters. “All your shit had been moved out of our houses to a storage unit. We’ll leave the keys, but you, especially you, Tommy-“ he growls, pointing his finger at the man. “Are not to come back tonight. Carol, you can come by and see the girls tomorrow. But you two enjoy the rooms.” He stands. “After we are dressed, I’ll untie you, Carol and you can untie Tommy after we’ve left.”

“You have no reason to come back to my house,” you say to Tommy, with a new found courage. “That’s why we drove your car. Don’t come back. I’ll see you in court with the video evidence of your cheating and your plans to fraudulently amend our prenuptial agreement.”

Dave ignores them as the two of you clean up and redress. Not even sparing them a glance. It feels freeing, setting out the papers and dropping the keys into a table before he smirks at you.

“Still ok to get a ride home?” You ask quietly, before he goes to untie Carol.

“Of course it’s okay, baby.” Dave stops and nods, giving you an encouraging smile before he moves back towards Carol.

You collect both yours and Dave’s things as he unties Carol, staying back just in case she decides to lunge at you. “Enjoy sleeping here tonight,” you say to Tommy, “This room will be the last thing I ever spend my money on you on. Sorry about the soaked sheets.” You add with a smirk.

Dave pulls off the gag and Carol sucks in a lungful of air. “Dave- Dave please, it’s not- I’m so sorry.” She sobs, leaping up out of the chair. “It was- God, I shouldn’t have done this.”

You see her leap towards Dave, and take another step back. “But you did,” you say quietly, “Both of you did this! For almost a year and the shit you said about us both, was worse than the fact you were fucking. You don’t deserve him and Tommy doesn’t deserve me.”

“I’m sorry Dave, I’m so sorry.” She reaches for him but he pulls back.

“Don’t.” He warns her. “The day I found out you were fucking him was the day I was done with you.”

“Same with you,” you say to Tommy. “I mean it when I say that you’re not welcome in my home again.” Turning to face Dave, you reach your hand out for him to take, “You ready?”

“I’m ready,” he assures you, taking your hand and looking back at the other two people with a look of utter disdain for them plastered on his face. “I hope you two are happy together.”

You lead him out of the room. Hand tightly gripping his as you make your way to the elevators, and pressing the button. Wordlessly you turn to face him and rock up on your tiptoes and press your lips to his.

He’s surprised by the kiss but he doesn’t push you away. Instead, he’s wrapping his arms around you and leaning into it. Enjoying the fact that you aren’t crying like he had expected.

“I’m going to feel you for days,” you say against his lips, before pulling him for another kiss. Stepping into the thankfully empty elevator still attached to him, wanting to extend the moment for as long as you can.

“Do you-“ he pulls away and frowns. “The girls are at a sleepover and I told Kayla’s mom that Carol isn’t to pick them up. Do you want me to crash on your sofa? Make sure Tommy doesn’t decide to show up tonight?”

“Honestly, I was hoping you’d sleep in my bed,” you admit quietly, “But you don’t have to… if you’d prefer to crash on the sofa, you can.”

“I wasn’t going to assume anything.” Dave chuckles quietly, reaching up and rubbing your back. “If you want me to be in your bed, I’ll sleep there.”

“I want you in my bed,” you say with a smile, “How are you feeling?”

“Indifferent.” He admits. “I’m angry for the girls, but I’m completely over Carol. Just cut the infection out and move on.” Maybe not the healthiest way to deal with things, but he managed. “How are you feeling?”

“Kids are super resilient and we both know that they love their Daddy, they’ll be okay.” You say with a squeeze of his hand, “I’m really good, great actually.”

“A good fucking will do that.” He teases, smirking at you slightly. “What are your plans for tomorrow night?” He asks suddenly.

“Yeah, I-uh-I could get used to that,” you mumble, “I’m free. How about you?”

“Well, considering I’m free and you’re free…” Dave shrugs slightly. “Thought I might take you out on a date. If you wanted. If not, I get it.”

“Sounds perfect,” you say with the biggest smile you’ve managed for weeks, “Do I get to wear something pretty?”

“Where whatever you want. Figured we’d go somewhere fancy to celebrate being free of them and decide what we want to do.” Dave hums.

“I like that, nice and breezy.” You say as he slips an arm around you as you make your way towards his car.

“To new beginnings, baby.” Dave jostles you slightly with a grin. “It’ll be ironic if we get together and are happy while they are miserable and don’t last a year.” He pulls his arm from around you and opens the door on the passenger side for you. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

“We will. Now that you and that incredible cock have completely ruined other men for me, I'm excited to see where it goes.” You giggle before thanking him for opening the door, “Thank you. To new beginnings.” You say as you smash your lips up against his.

Dave grins. Yes, your ex and his might have hurt you, but you are going to end up winning. He’ll make sure of it.

****

[A year later]

Life comes at you quickly. Your first date with Dave quickly became a 3rd, 4th and so on. The girls adapted quickly with their new changes and before you knew it, you were practically living with them.

He asked you to put your house up for sale and move in with him two months after your first date and a year on, life is perfect.

The sight of Dave napping comfortably on the sofa with your newborn son sleeping on his chest fills your heart. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and so much more.

It turns out that your ex-husband having an affair would be the best thing that ever happened to you.

#pedro pascal #dave york #dave york x reader #dave york x you #dave york x f!reader #dave york smut #dave york fanfiction #dave york imagine #dave york fic #dave york equalizer 2

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apartmentsmoke · 9 days

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A Breakdown of BuckTommy's Storyline Going Into Season 8 - Part II (Their Relationship)

Part I here.

With part II, I want to dive into what we know about their relationship going into Season 8, how their relationship is going, and how it might affect the other characters in the show.

The first explicit mention of Buck and Tommy's relationship's was in TVLine's preview. Tim Minear mentioned that Buck and Tommy are "still getting to know each other a little better" and the article mentions they are "going strong." Their relationship is mentioned positively in contrast to Buck's relationship with Gerrard, which is a negative relationship for him.

The TVLine article also mentions that Buck will have someone to complain to. We've already seen that Buck feels comfortable with opening up to Tommy about his emotions (the coffee date in 7.05 and dinner scene in 7.10), and that Tommy knows Buck enough to tell when he is uncomfortable and might want to talk about something. While they are still learning about each other, they've both demonstrated that they're treating their relationship seriously, and, going into Season 8, they are "a couple."

Tim Minear also mentioned that they are comfortable with each other, which builds from a Season 7 interview where he stated that Buck "feels safe" with Tommy. While they have some minor troubles, the foundation of their relationship is strong going into Season 8.

In the EW article, Tim Minear mentions that they also feel comfortable hanging out with Eddie. Eddie is Buck's best friend and Tommy's friend. I suspect this means that we will see at least one scene, and possibly more, with all three of them. We haven't seen the three of them interacting without other people there before, so I look forward to what that dynamic will be like. I think the three of them will have an easy dynamic, since the emotions from 7.04 have been worked out - Buck realized the source of his jealousy, he and Tommy are now dating, and Eddie has no issue with his friends' sexualities. If there is any tension, I think it will be because Eddie is third wheeling on a new couple who are still learning about each other and there is an inherent awkwardness in that, especially when it's two of your friends and you're trying to figure out that new dynamic.

The next thing Tim Minear mentioned was that "when you couple up with somebody, it takes up some of your time...Buck doesn't have as much free time as he did before." The way I interpret this to mean is that Buck will be spending quite a bit of time with Tommy. We knew he already was - Bobby clocks that he's going to spend the night with him, and Buck goes home to have dinner with Tommy - but it's further confirmation that we will be getting more scenes of them as a couple in Season 8.

The part I elided said that Eddie will be "a little bit out in the cold," which I interpret to mean that we may see fewer Buck and Eddie scenes in Season 8. The two are best friends, so I am positive they will have some scenes together, but Eddie will have to find someone else for support. He usually leans heavily on Buck - something that Ryan Guzman has said is a pattern for Eddie that "doesn't offer maturity" and that Eddie should be "self-reflective" and realize that he has to deal with difficult conversations alone. Tim Minear also mentions that "everything was stripped away from Eddie" and it's "time for him to figure out who the hell he is."

A pre-occupied Buck also offers Eddie chances to interact more with other characters. Ryan Guzman has said that Eddie "might be seeking out Cap in a way that he never has before." He has also stated he wants scenes with Maddie, Karen, and Athena. Not being as tied to Buck allows Eddie a chance to grow as a character and develop new relationships.

I expect to see Buck and Tommy's relationship growing - and the audience seeing that through their scenes together. It also provides opportunities for the writers to explore new dynamics for other characters who often spend time with Buck. We saw in the deleted scene that Hen and Karen were curious about their relationship, and Hen comments on them when they walk into the hospital room together.

In short, their relationship adds new dimensions to the show. Buck enters a relationship with a man and navigates the 118's past. Tommy is recontextualized, and provides a support for Buck while also having his past with the 118 explored. Even though the season is just beginning, their relationship is already woven into the show, and isn't shoved off into its own space. It's ripe for exploration, and I am excited for what comes next for them.

#evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #911 meta #smoke.txt

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forever-rogue · 1 year

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Hi, love! So i’m not sure if your taking requests but i have a prompt for joel and you’re currently my favorite joel writer so 🥰 i can’t get this idea out of my head of reader being joel’s neighbor and being extremely nice and kind to everyone (especially to him and ellie cause she has feelings for him duh) and he’s kinda in love with her too but won’t admit it (ellie knows and nags him about it) but he also kinda judges her and thinks she’s “weak” cause she’s “too soft”, and then one day for whatever reason he ends up snapping at her and saying that “you have no idea what it is to lose a child” only to later find out from tommy that reader actually lost a baby under pretty awful circumstances and then he’s mortified but she’s super mad at him? I have no idea where this came from i guess i just like pain 🤷‍♀️ totally understand if you don’t feel like it though! Tks babe

AN | Please, this is so cute but sad, but there’s also a happy ending 💕

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, Mentions of child death

Word Count | 2.6k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The pie in your hands smelled delicious, still warm and fresh, as you waited on Joel's porch. You rocked back and forth on your heels as you listened for his familiar footsteps to come to the door. Just when you were about to give up and save it for later, the door slowly opened.

"Hey," there was Joel, leaning against the doorway with a lazy little smile on his face, "what a pleasant surprise."

"Me or the pie?" You always managed to fall into an easy rapport with him. Your back and forth always seemed to turn from teasing to flirting, honestly? You loved it.

"Oh, you brought pie? I didn't even notice," your cheeks warmed up at his response. You shook your head and sighed playfully at him. He stepped aside and motioned for you to follow him, "do you want to come in?"

"I suppose I can spare you a few minutes of my precious time," you flashed him a pretty smile as you flounced past him. Making your way into the kitchen, you set the pie down before uncovering it to show him, "I even made your favorite."

"You spoil me," he practically groaned at the sight of the delicious treat. He immediately turned to the cabinets to grab some plates, "what's the occasion?"

"There's none," you grabbed some forks and knives, "the trees produced so many apples we couldn't use them fast enough. I figured pie was a good solution and I know you love it. So here we are."

"Here we are," he agreed softly, "thank you, darlin'."

"No need to thank me," you sat down and cut into the pie, "you just owe me now."

"I am forever in your debt," he down across from you, a knowing little look in his pretty brown eyes. You made a small sound of agreement as you passed him a slice, "whatever you want, just name it."

"I'll take you up on that offer."

"Good."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You should tell her you know,” Ellie broke the silence over dinner as she looked over at Joel from across the table. He froze with his fork about halfway to his mouth. He stuffed the bite into his mouth and took his sweet time swallowing it before sighing and raising an eyebrow at her, “don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“I do,” he admitted, figuring it was better to admit to the truth rather than lie to her. She looked so pleased with herself as she leaned back in her seat, “but I ain’t doing anything about anything. Get that into your head, kiddo.”

“Why not?” she huffed, waving her hand dismissively at him, “you’re so lame. Ugh.”

“Maybe I am,” he agreed with a nod of his head, “but your opinion isn’t going to change anything. I am okay with how things are right now. There’s no need to go and change things up.”

“But she feels the same way!” and it really was obvious; everyone knew. You also knew that everyone knew. It was like the worst kept secret in Jackson, “one of you has to make a move eventually.”

“Ellie-”

“Joel,” she looked at him seriously, her small face taking on a dire expression, “you’re being stupid.”

“Ellie.”

“You’re denying yourself potential happiness,” Joel had to admit that she had a point, regardless of whether or not he would act on it. He was so happy around you, you made him feel so alive and carefree and loved. You were like his very own ray of sunshine. He could only imagine what it would be like if the two of you added romance to the equation. It wasn’t hard to imagine what it would be like to kiss you and touch you and make love to you. It really would have been like a dream, “and her. Plus you’d be so cute together!”

“With that logic, she’s also denying herself happiness,” he wondered if you thought about him the way he thought about you. He’d be lucky if you even spared him more than a passing thought, “so, have you given her this speech?”

“Not yet,” she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders, “I was going to try you first. She’s usually the more logical one…so.”

“So,” Joel mirrored Ellie’s position and crossed his arms over his broad chest, “you’ll leave her alone and drop this.”

“Not a chance!”

“I didn’t think so,” the girl shoved the last mouthful of food into her mouth, “I’m going to her.”

“I know,” Joel drummed his fingers along the table and let out a resigned sigh, “I know.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Despite Ellie's insistence that he tell you how he feels, he didn't do anything about it. Namely, he couldn't manage to work up the courage to do so. To him, admitting that he had feelings for you was akin to admitting he was weak. Feelings made people soft and made things harder when, inevitably, the relationship would end one way or another. Why would he willing put himself through that again? It had almost killed him when he'd lost Sarah and later when the same happened with Tess. If it hadn't been for Ellie, he wasn't sure he'd have made it. But Ellie was going to be around forever either.

It was a complicated tangle of emotions, and the best solution for him had to been to keep a few people, currently Tommy and Ellie, close while others remained behind a wall.

You, meanwhile, loved and cared for people so openly. It was easy to see that in everything you said and did. You had a giant heart, but you were just setting yourself for failure. One day something bad would happen and you'd fall apart. Joel wasn't sure he could handle that.

He didn't want to lose you; he loved you, he really did, but he also didn't want his heart to break.

Ellie had come to you as well and pushed you to profess your feelings. While not as in denial about everything as Joel, you weren't about to make that first leap. What if you overstepped and pushed him away? You didn't want that; you'd rather keep him as a friend than lose him entirely.

You'd noticed over the last couple of weeks that something had been nagging at Joel. You didn't push the issue, but hoped he'd trust you enough to confide in you at some point.

It turned out that some point didn't come as you expected.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel had come over to your house, and the two of you were making dinner together. It was a routine you'd often fall into and it felt so blissfully domestic. You'd never really made a comment about it before, but something caused you to feel a certain amount of bravado and led you to actually pointing it out.

"You know, this is so much like playing house," you teased softly as you nudged his side with your elbow.

"It does," he agreed with a small smile. He liked the idea of living with you permanently. If he was being honest, the thought of sleeping with you and waking up to you in his arms, of spending lazy evenings in a tangle of limbs was something that crossed his mind more than he cared to admit. In another life, he'd have made those moves already and might have even called you this wife, "kinda nice."

"Mhmm," you continued chopping away at the fresh vegetables that you'd picked for dinner, "all that's missing now is a couple of kids running around."

He stiffened for a moment, his mind first going to the image of you round and pregnant with his child and then to sheer terror. Kids were all well and good, but something just told him they would be a bad idea. He remained silent and kept his gaze on the stove.

"You ever think about having kids in the future?" you had hesitated for a moment before asking but, how did that old saying go? Curiosity killed the cat?

"No," he said without a second thought. It was a lie, of course it was. He'd thought about it a lot, especially since he'd met you.

"Oh," your breath hitched in your throat at the sudden shift in emotion. You focused on what was in front of you rather than anything else. Something was off and you could immediately sense that you might have said the wrong thing. It was still hard for you too sometimes, "I'm sure that it's still…hard. Losing your daughter….I'm sure it was the hardest thing ever. I l-"

“Don’t,” there was a furious look on his face and you couldn’t help the way you recoiled away from him. He’d gone through such a shift in emotions that it was a little scary - you’d never seen him like this before, “don’t fucking talk about my daughter.”

“Joel, I didn’t mean anything by it,” you felt a few hot, salty tears run down your cheeks. You took a step back to create a distance between yourself, wiping the tears away with the sleeve of your sweater, “I was just saying-”

“You don’t know shit,” he stormed towards the door and threw it open harshly. You were surprised that it didn’t fall off the hinges, “you have no clue what it’s like to lose a child.”

With that, he stormed off, leaving you there staring in shock. Your mind was still trying to process what was going on as you closed the door. Your whole body felt like it was trembling as you leaned against the counter and took a few deep breaths.

That wasn’t him, is what you tried to keep telling yourself. That wasn’t your Joel…he would never have talked to you like that. A sensitive topic had been brought up and he was hurting…anyone could have responded in such a manner.

But, you decided, you’d give him some space. Maybe seeing you wasn’t the best thing for him right now….you were sure he’d come to you when he was ready to. Until then you would just love and support him from a distance; but that was the thing and you hoped he knew it too - you’d always love him. Not matter what happened, Joel Miller had your heart.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey big brother,” Tommy caught Joel’s attention as he walked into the tavern, flashing him a meek smile. Joel looked up and offered a wave in a sign of acknowledgment. Before he could say anything else, Tommy’s fist collided with his face, causing him to stumble off his stool. He clutched at his face, surprised by the sudden attack, “heard you were being an asshole.”

“What the fuck!?” Joel clutched at his face in shock as he took in Tommy's angry expression. And here he thought that they were getting along well these days. But then he said - your name, "listen-"

"No, you listen," Tommy grabbed by the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer so only he could hear his next words, "I can't believe you yelled at her. And you told her she doesn't know what it's like to lose a child? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" Joel's brows furrowed in confusion. Yes, he hated himself for yelling at you, but it had all been in the moment. He agreed with that part anyway, "what are you talking about?"

"You're an idiot and an asshole," Tommy shook his head, "you're not the only one who's lost everything. You're not the only one who's lost their child."

"W-what?"

"She lost her son," Joel's face fell as realization crashed over him like an icy wave, "to one of those clicker bastards. It almost got her too. You ever notice that scar on her face? Now you know where it comes from."

"Tommy-"

"Next time don't assume you know everything," he shoved him and put a bit of distance between themselves, "don't ever be a dick to her again. It won't end well."

With that, Tommy left Joel sitting there with a sore face and aching heart. Not that it was undeserved, but still. Joel knew what he had to do, but he wasn't sure you'd give him the time of day. But you were so good and kind that he realistically knew that you'd let him explain.

All those things that he thought had made you weak actually made you so stronger. Much stronger than he was apparently.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late in the evening a couple of days later when he knocked at your door. You were both surprised but in a way had been expecting him. It was Joel after all, and the two of you shared a special bond; it wouldn’t be so easily broken.

“H-hi,” his cheeks immediately pinked when he saw your pretty face and he felt like either running away and never looking back or throwing up then and there. You offered him a small smile in return but otherwise remained silent, “I, uh, I wanted to…I came to…apologize. I’m sorry for the other day. It doesn’t excuse it, but I was just wanted to let you know. So…yeah.”

“Do you want to come in?” you asked softly, causing him to look at you in pure awe.

"I-what?"

"I just made some tea," you stepped aside and beckoned for him to follow, "I couldn't sleep so I thought it might help."

He was incredulous as he stepped into your kitchen and watched you make him a cup. In the warm yellow light of the kitchen, he studied you intently. He noticed the scar running from your cheek and disappearing into your temple. It wasn't the first time he spotted the scar but it was the first time he made the connection.

"Why?" He asked as he sat down across from you, pulling the cup of tea closer, "why aren't you telling me to go fuck myself and leave?"

"There's no reason to," you shrugged before taking a long, thoughtful sip of your tea, "I assume Tommy told you by now."

"How'd you know?"

"I can see the bruising on your face," you reached over and gently ghosted your finger along his skin, "and no one would dare to hit you besides him. Or maybe Ellie."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, wrapping his fingers around your wrist and giving it a squeeze, "I had no clue."

"It's not something I usually go and advertise," you sat back in your seat and exhaled slowly, "losing a child isn't easy. It doesn't really get easier but time lessens the sting. I can tell you more about…him and everything that happened sometime. If you want to hear it, but not tonight. Tonight we can just…just be."

"Yes," he reached for your hand and put his hand on top of yours, "I know it doesn't seem like it but I…care for you. Very deeply."

"I know you do, Joel," your assurance made him feel so much lighter; it felt like the weight of the world was off his shoulders, "I care for you too. There's a lot we still have to learn about each other Joel, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here."

"Me too," there was a hopeful smile on his face as you squeezed his hand, "I'm not going anywhere."

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #tlou

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lightningonatether · 1 month

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Why c!endersmile were actually friends

ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: my crazy thesis on two bad bitches with not a single moment of screentime fueled purely by my own insanity

ALTERNATIVELY alternatively titled: to all loreheads please be nice i dont usually lorepost. feel free to engage though

So my return is courtesy of litchi, who mentioned c!endersmile like once a month ago, and got me thinking about them so hard I couldn't just walk away.

Namely, litchi reminded me of a few theories I have concerning c!endersmiles relationship, that I developed back when i was watching the SMP live. This might make my recollection of some events a little fuzzy, but everything should be canon compliant cause I was thinking about all this as I watched.

I was already watching ranboo pretty regularly at the point the prison arc started, I cant resist a really weird guy with horrible debilitating anxiety. I already thought the whole hearing dreams voice in his head was really interesting, but as the prison arc evolved it became clear that ranboos relationship with dream wasnt just some hallucination inside ranboos head and actually had some substance.

My theory really started to develop into what it is now with the explosions on the prison roof which led to the lockdown and tommys death; these were confirmed to be set by ranboo in his enderwalk state. He was one of the only people online at the time, ranboo found tnt in his inventory afterwards, and I think dream also told sam he knew ranboo did it at some point, although I can't find the exact stream.

At that point it was obvious that enderwalking ranboo held a different set of beliefs, alliances, and likely more memories than the "awake" ranboo we saw most of the time on streams, and was acting against amnesiac ranboos wishes. The explosions above the prison along with the reveal that ranboo had been regularly visiting dream in prison confirmed that dream and ender!ranboo were some sort of allies.

At the time, my assumption was that ranboo had simply made an attempted prison break. It wouldnt be a stretch to assume, if ranboo had visited regularly, that he would have noticed the poor conditions and tried to break his ally out. However, after the confirmation of the staged finale, and a better look at cdreams motivations(wanting to provide protection for punz, separating himself very publicly from his only known ally to keep them safe) the idea that enderwalk ranboo, an ally of dreams, would go against dreams explicit wishes to stay locked in that prison began making less sense.

It would only make sense if either:

enderwalk never knew about the plan or

enderwalk knew about the plan but went against it anyway

1 is a very tempting explanation. c!dream rarely lets anyone close. even punz, who knew the plan intimately, wasn't aware of dreams true motivations to bring the server back to a peaceful time before conflict. but..... it didnt sit right with me.

Two reasons for this: I know some people may have stopped watching/never watched ranboo lore, but towards the end of the prison arc, ranboo began seeing flashes of "lessons" appear on screen. These lessons all had that utilitarian and paranoid feel a lot of dreams actions/reasoning have, like "dont trust anybody"(paraphrasing, thats just what i remember the core of that message being) or "never hesitate to gain a favor from someone, you can use it to get something from them later". anyone remember technos favor to dream? It was heavily implied these lessons were meant to be from dream, directed at c!enderwalk. This would mean the two spent a significant amount of time together. not only that, dream was sharing his *life philosophy* with ender!ranboo. thats not just something dream would share with anyone, and implies a close allyship at the least. its almost like he was teaching a pupil. yeah, sure, some of his lessons were a little fucked up and weird in that dream sort of way, but he was looking out for the kid. and it seems that enderwalk wasnt hesitant to act on those lessons either. he promised to keep a shulker safe for foolish, gaining a favor, and didnt sign a single one of those prison visitation waivers, on top of sam discovering they were corrupted into enderian when he checked LMAO.

This alone would be enough to persuade me enderwalk HAD to have been let in on the plan, at least so he wouldnt cause any problems (such as trying to get his ally out of prison).

but the other reason is... ranboos stated philosophy against conflict. he doesnt like sides, he wishes they wouldn't exist. I remember watching a stream and nearly jumping out of my seat when he told chat he just wished the server could just be one big happy family! because that is nearly word for word what a bunch of loreheads were saying about dreams motivations at the time(and now obviously lmao). if we keep in mind their contact for those "lessons", ranboos visits to dream in prison, AND the fact that dreams and ranboos motivations coincide on a level even Above dream and punzs(punz seemed to have been unaware of and also not particularly motivated by dreams wish for peace) i cant really imagine dream not letting this guy in on the plan.

which leaves us with 2) ranboo tried to break dream out against dreams wishes.

Maybe ranboo was just an ally and chickened out after he saw dreams mistreatment in prison and went against the plan, but... dream missed him after sam barred him from visiting. he asked sapnap to deliver a note to ranboo(just a smiley face, likely with the hopes of triggering an enderwalk) despite fearing for his ally punz enough to lock himself in prison. it feels reminicent to how dream sounds when he comments on george not visiting him once. like he missed a friend despite trying so hard to separate himself from the ones he'd had.

Maybe ranboo tried to break in because he saw a friend being mistreated, and couldn't leave the plan stand.

And that kind of makes sense doesn't it? that dream, someone whos paranoid about how peoples connection to him puts them in danger, would choose an amnesiac who spends most of their time terrified of dream, and wouldnt remember any of his plans or their friendship to use against either of them in the first place?

#dreblr #c!endersmile #c!dream #c!ranboo #enderwalk

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firewasabeast · 25 days

Text

The Gables

Part 3 of my meeting the parents series. one more to go! all can be read individually, but they're better together. Start from the beginning here. Read part 3 below, or on ao3. tags are all on ao3.

It was about a three hour drive to Tommy's parents place in Hanford. It was south of Fresno, which Buck had been to a few times over the years, but he'd never paid attention to Hanford.

“It's relatively small,” Tommy had told him. “Most people don't notice it.”

It had been a week since Tommy had gotten the call from his mom. It was short, just under five minutes. If Buck was honest, not much was even said during those minutes, but when Tommy hung up he took a deep breath and asked Evan if he'd like to go for a day visit.

“I haven't been home in a year,” he'd said, “and mom needs help with a couple things.”

Tommy almost looked like he was about to be sick. His skin paled and there seemed to be a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. Against everything screaming in his mind, Buck didn't ask questions right then. He simply responded with a yes, that he'd be happy to come along, and left it at that.

Tommy didn't talk about his parents often. He'd mentioned that his dad was a lot like Gerrard, said his mom wasn't really the hugging type, but hadn't really divulged anything beyond that.

Buck could get him to open up about nearly everything in his life, even the uncomfortable stuff from his past that he still beat himself up over on occasion, but when it came to his parents and the life he had with them... there was a whole lot of nothing.

“Anything I should know before we get there?” Buck asked. He'd asked the question a couple of times over the past week, always getting the same answer.

“Uh, no. No, I don't think so.”

“Come on, Tommy, I gave you an entire presentation on the Buckley's before you met my parents. It's good to be prepared.”

Tommy let out an exasperated sigh. “I'm not sure there's a way to be prepared for the Kinard's, Evan. You can't really predict them.”

“Okay, so unpredictable. See, I can work with that.”

Buck's earnestness elicited a smile from Tommy. It was a good sight to see, seeing as he'd been pretty tense since they went to bed last night. He reached over and took Evan's hand, resting them over the center console. “I'm not trying to make it hard on you,” he said, “I promise. I just... I don't really know them all that well either. They're hard to describe. It's been a year, and the last time I was home it ended in my dad getting nearly blackout drunk and my mom throwing a frying pan at his head. She missed,” he reassured Evan, who was not very reassured, “but still, she tried. It was weird though, because the time before that, they were “so in love” and “couldn't be without each other”, which I had also never seen growing up. That's, you know, what I mean by unpredictable.”

Buck nodded, feeling a bit in over his head. “I see.”

“You'll be fine though,” he said, giving Buck's hand a squeeze. “It'll... It'll be fine.”

Buck wondered if Tommy knew just how unsure he sounded right now. It made the knots in Buck's stomach get even tighter.

*****

They drove for a little while after getting off the highway, turned down random street after street until Tommy turned into a neighborhood with a broken gate. 'The Gables Trailer Park' a sign read. The further they drove into The Gables, the more potholes filled the road, causing a fairly bumpy ride.

Trailers were spread out along the open, flat terrain. Some had grass around their homes, others dirt and rocks.

“Is this where you grew up?” Buck asked. He wasn't sure if he was headed to Tommy's childhood home, or a place his parents had moved after he left.

“Yeah, from about eight up. Before that we lived in an apartment in Fresno, but my dad's dad lived here. When he died, he left the place to dad, and it was cheaper than the apartment so we moved.”

They drove for about half a mile until Tommy pulled off the road in front of a trailer. It was an ivory color with brown trim. Looked like it hadn't been painted in quite a few years. There were panels covering parts of the lower half of the trailer, but gaps made it so you could still see underneath. This particular trailer wasn't set on grass, but on what was currently some muddy dirt thanks to the surprise rain storm they'd had the night before.

There was a blue tarp over part of the roof. A sign on the right side of the door informed that trespassers would be shot, while a sign on the left side told them to beware of dog.

“They don't have a dog,” Tommy said, apparently reading Buck's mind. “And dad had to give up his guns like five years ago. Ready?”

Tommy opened his door and got out before Buck had the chance to ask the nearly fifty questions that were popping into his mind. First on the list was asking why his dad had to give up his guns? He'd have to remember that question for later.

He took a deep breath and got out of the truck, straightening out his jacket before he shut the door behind him.

Tommy waited for Buck at the front of the truck, holding out his hand as Buck stepped closer to him. “It'll be fine,” Tommy said, pulling Buck close. “Just remember, no matter what, we're leaving by five.”

When they got to the front door, Tommy knocked twice, then let go of Buck's hand while they waited.

“Sometimes they don't hear the first knock,” he said after a few seconds, then knocked again.

“I'm coming, I'm coming!” A woman yelled, swinging the door open. “I'm old, you gotta give me more time.”

“Hi, Mom,” Tommy greeted. Her eyes moved quickly from him to Buck, who gave her a smile.

“You brought someone.” She sounded unimpressed.

“This is Evan Buckley, Mom. He goes by Buck. Evan, this is my mom, Alice.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kinard.” Buck held his hand out for a shake. She hesitated, wiped her hand off with the hand towel she was holding, then shook.

“Buck,” she replied simply.

She was a small woman, no more than 5'2. Her white hair was pulled back in a bun, and she didn't seem to wear makeup the way Buck's mom did. She wore a red t-shirt and blue jeans, socks but no shoes, and no smile anywhere in sight.

“Well, come in,” she said, waving the hand towel in their direction. “Don't want the flies coming in.”

The second Buck walked in his nose began to burn. The place reeked of cigarettes, with a faint scent of beer that lingered in the air.

“I got a list of things I need you to do while you're here today,” she said, shutting the door behind them. “Your friend can help if you need him to. Go say hello to your dad while I get the list from the kitchen.”

The living room was to the right, and when Buck looked over he could see a man sitting in a recliner, facing away from them, watching TV.

Tommy sucked in a deep breath before heading over to him, Buck following a couple steps behind.

“Dad,” he started.

His dad turned away from the TV long enough to give both he and Buck a glance, then turned back. “Didn't know we'd have company today.”

“Mom didn't tell you I was coming?”

“She told me you were coming.”

Tommy rubbed anxiously at the back of his neck. Buck wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, hold his hand, stroke his back, press a reassuring kiss to his shoulder. He knew none of those things were good options at the moment.

“Right. Um, Dad, this is Buck. Buck, this is Frank.”

“Hello, Mr. Kinard. Nice to meet you.” He didn't try to shake his hand. Frank was too focused on whatever show he was watching.

“Mm,” he grunted. “Tommy, get me another beer while you're up.”

Tommy brought his hand to Buck's elbow, “You can sit if you want,” he said quietly. “I'll be right back.”

Buck nodded, walked over to the couch and sat.

He looked around, taking the place in. Almost everything inside looked like it came out of the 80's. A floral sofa, grayed in the places it used to be white. A brown recliner that Frank sat in. The TV had an antenna, and there was an old stereo in the corner. None of the furniture matched, and magazines and newspapers sat on top of most of the flat surfaces.

Buck spared an extra look or two at Frank, trying to find any resemblance between him and Tommy. He couldn't.

Frank had leathery skin, with salt and pepper hair. His wasn't curly the way Tommy's was when he didn't have any product in it. There were no laughter lines on his face, which was on Buck's favorite things about Tommy. He wore a white shirt that fit tight over his beer belly, and stretchy shorts with bleach stains. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and his short beard came in patchy. He seemed tall, but not quite 6'2.

The sound of Frank's voice brought Buck out of his thoughts.

“I'm sorry, Sir, what was that?” he asked, noticing that Frank was looking in his direction.

Buck had gone over a list of potential questions in his head, and the way he'd answer them.

“We met on a rescue mission. We've been together nearly a year now. I moved in just after Christmas. I know some would think it's too fast, but when you know you know. You've raised a great man.”

There was not a single part of him that ever anticipated the question he got instead.

“So, which one's the boy and which one's the girl?”

Buck stared at him, dumbfounded. “I- um, there's-”

“Don't know how many times I gotta say it, Dad,” Tommy said, walking back into the room with a beer in hand, “there is no girl. That'd kinda ruin the whole being gay thing for me.”

Frank grabbed the beer from Tommy, leaned over and popped the cap off on the side table. “Sure would make it a lot better for me.”

Tommy went to open his mouth, but Alice cut him off. “Come get the list!” she called from the kitchen. “Need to get started so you're done by this evening.”

*****

They didn't talk about Frank or Alice while Buck helped Tommy fix the bathroom sink. He just handed him the tools whenever Tommy asked.

Nothing was mentioned while they changed lightbulbs, or rehung a picture in the main bedroom, or moved a piece of furniture out of the house and onto the side of the road for trash pickup. They both stayed relatively silent until they headed into the spare bedroom for Tommy to fix the fan.

“Was this your room?” Buck asked, looking around for signs of young Tommy.

There didn't seem to be any.

“It was,” Tommy replied.

There was an old bed in the room with a brown and yellow quilt on top. An oak dresser in the corner with newspapers poking out of the drawers. The closet door was ajar, the inside so filled with boxes that it couldn't shut all the way. The paint was chipping from the walls, and there was a dampness in the air from a window that was left open about an inch.

“Is anything in here yours?” Buck asked as Tommy stood on the bed to get started on the fan.

“Um,” he glanced around, spotting a cowboy hat on a chair in the corner. “That hat was mine,” he said. “I used to pretend I was a cowboy when I was little.”

Buck smiled at the thought. He went over and picked up the hat. He tried to imagine a little Tommy running around, faking a country accent with a worn red and black cowboy hat.

“I need to get you one of these for home,” Buck said. “Maybe some boots, a western shirt, chaps.”

“Oh God,” Tommy shuddered. “That sounds like quite possibly the worst role-play of all time.”

Buck tilted his head, eying Tommy up and down, imagining. “I don't know, sounds pretty good to me.”

“I can't even see you right now, but I know you're looking at me like that, and it's making it very difficult for me to concentrate.”

Buck laughed. “Okay, okay. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to stand there and look pretty, but not too pretty.”

“So, you don't really need my help?”

Tommy stopped messing with the fan to smile down at him. “I always need your help, Evan.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “That's a no then. I think I'll go see if your mom needs any help.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

He patted Tommy's shin before heading for the door. “I'm sure I'll survive, Cowboy,” he said, earning a snort from Tommy.

*****

While Tommy continued with the fan, Buck made his way toward the kitchen where Alice was fixing a late lunch.

“Mrs. Kinard, is there anything I can help you with?”

She sighed, like he was disturbing her peace. “You know how to chop lettuce?”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

She grabbed a head of iceberg lettuce and plopped it down on the kitchen table with a knife and a bowl. “Frank doesn't know how to do anything in the kitchen,” she said, motioning for him to sit and get to it. “At least he pretends he doesn't. Been pretending for forty-eight years.”

“You two have been together a long time. You're lucky.”

She snorted. “Don't know if I'd say that. But, we're lifers.”

Buck chopped the lettuce carefully, as though he were going to get graded on his ability. He wanted it to look perfect.

“Can I ask you a question about Tommy?” Buck asked.

“You can try,” she replied. “Not sure I'll be able to answer.”

“I was just wondering what he was like as a kid? He's only has a couple pictures of himself when he was young, but most are from his time in the army.”

“I'm sure I've got some laying around here somewhere,” Alice answered, grabbing up some more vegetables and sitting down across from Buck. She eyed his lettuce for a moment, then set a couple tomatoes in front of him.

It felt like getting an A+ on a report card.

“Tommy was a busy kid. Always running around, getting into trouble. Never really told me much about what he was doing, but when he got caught... Well, it would've been better if he hadn't.”

Buck wanted to ask what she meant, but a part of him wasn't sure he wanted to know.

He didn't have to wonder long, Alice continuing as she chopped an onion.

“He stole fireworks from a shop when he was twelve, set them off in the woods outback. Nearly started a forest fire.” She shook her head. “Kid couldn't sit right for a week after Frank was done with him.”

Buck wasn't sure what to say to that, so he opted to move past it completely. “What about when he got older?”

“He was real quiet in high school. Didn't make friends easily. Smart though. Graduated early, but then he got bored. Running around here and there, no steady job, nothing. That's when Frank drove him to the recruiters office in Fresno. Told him he either signed up or pitched him a tent on the street somewhere. He left for basic a couple months before his eighteenth birthday.”

“He was only seventeen?” Buck asked, wide eyed. In all his army stories, Tommy had never mentioned the fact he was seventeen when he joined, and Buck himself had never thought of it as a possibility. He knew he was young, but the idea that Tommy couldn't even vote when he started his career in the military was especially baffling.

“Yup. Frank said it'd be the best thing for him. He was probably right.”

“H- He must've been scared,” Buck said quietly, mostly to himself, but Alice heard.

“Being scared's a part of life,” she replied coldly. “You overcome it, get better for it.” She gathered the onion she had been slicing and took it over to the stove, tossing them into a pan.

There was about a minute of silence before she spoke again. “You really like him, don't you?”

Buck looked up to see her watching him, probably noticing the fact that he still looked worried over everything he'd heard about young Tommy.

He was surprised by the question, but didn't hesitate in his answer. “Yes, Ma'am, I do.”

“Mm.” She turned back to her pan. “That's good, I guess. He's been alone a long time. Needs somebody.”

*****

When it came time for lunch, Buck, Tommy, and Alice ate in the kitchen while Frank opted to stay in the living room. It was a rather quiet lunch, except for when Buck complimented Alice's cooking. She sat up straighter at that, and went into a story about finding ten cookbooks on the side of the road a few weeks before she married Frank. She took them all and spent those weeks teaching herself how to follow along to with the recipes.

The conversation lasted all of five minutes, but it was better than five more minutes spent in awkward silence.

It was almost three by the time lunch was over, but the only way Buck knew that was because Tommy kept glancing at the clock on the wall. He knew what he was doing, checking to see when it was time for them to leave. He knew Tommy couldn't wait to get out of there, and Buck couldn't really blame him.

Tommy excused himself to the restroom as they began to clean up from lunch.

Alice went to go get Frank's dish, but Buck stopped her.

“I'll get it,” he offered innocently.

He didn't see her open her mouth to stop him, already making his way to Frank.

“Can I get you another beer, Mr. Kinard?” Buck asked, picking up the plate from the side table.

Instead of answering, Frank turned his head from the TV to look at Buck, staring him up and down. “Perfect waitress you are,” he grunted out. “I suppose you'll make a good woman for my boy.”

And maybe it was the long drive, or the fact he had no idea what he was walking into when he agreed to come along for this day trip, or the fact he'd been quiet about so many god-awful things that he'd heard, but Buck was at the end of his “just stay silent” rope.

He cocked his head to the side. “Excuse me?”

“There's roles in every relationship,” Frank explained poorly. “I worried about my son for a while, but it's good to know he's still the man.”

“Did you not hear him earlier? When he told you there was no woman in our relationship? He seemed pretty clear about that.”

“Eh,” Frank waved him off. “There's a natural order to things. You'll see it soon enough.”

The second Tommy walked out of the bathroom and saw Buck staring down at Frank with a look of pure disgust, he knew something was wrong.

“What did you say, Dad?” he asked.

Buck looked up at him, his expression changing. “Doesn't matter,” he said.

“I said he'll make a good woman for you,” Frank repeated confidently. “He's your little sidekick, helps your mom cook, cleans the kitchen, picks up after the men. May not look the part, but he's close enough.”

There was a look in Tommy's eyes that Buck had never seen before. It was beyond terrifying.

Buck tried to smooth it over. “Tommy, it's-”

“I have spent,” Tommy spoke slowly, staring daggers into his dad, “this entire damn day fixing things that you're just too lazy to fix your damn self. I invited Evan along thinking maybe you'd see how happy we are, maybe you'd notice what a good person he is, and how much better he makes me. I did not bring him here to be mistreated by you."

“See,” Frank smiled up at him. His smile didn't reach the eyes the way Tommy's did. “You're saving your damsel.”

“Evan doesn't need saving. He's perfectly capable of standing up for himself, he's just been too nice to do it because, unlike you, he's not an asshole.”

Frank pointed at Tommy, still not bothering to get out of his chair. “You watch yourself,” he warned. “I was polite enough to let two fairies in my house today. I deserve some respect.”

Buck could see the white, blinding rage taking over Tommy. It took Buck about two seconds to move around and step in front of him, stopping Tommy from advancing on his dad. “Don't,” he said, pressing his hand against Tommy's chest. Tommy's eyes moved from Frank to Evan. Buck could feel his heart pounding. “It's not worth it,” Buck continued. “Let's just go, okay?”

Tommy pursed his lips together, but nodded. “Yeah, I- let's go.”

Thankfully, Frank kept his mouth shut as Buck placed a hand on Tommy's back and led them to the door.

“Wait a minute!” Alice demanded rather loudly.

“Mom-”

“You can sit in your truck,” she clarified, “but wait there. I'll just be a minute.”

Buck was going to offer to drive, but the second they got outside Tommy made a beeline for the driver's seat.

Once the car had been started and they were settled into their seats, Buck took a deep breath. “Tommy-”

“I can't right now, Evan,” Tommy interrupted. He was on edge, hands shaking, leg bouncing up and down as they waited for Alice to come out. “I'm sorry, but I can't.”

“That's fine,” Buck replied. He meant it. He understood what it meant to feel overwhelmed. When you needed a second with your own thoughts to process what just happened.

Buck rolled down the window when Alice came walking out with something in her hands.

Through the window she handed Buck a very old, very worn photo album. “Not sure what all's in there, but I'm sure a few of the pictures have Tommy,” she said. “I haven't looked through it in years. Not like I need it anymore.”

Buck ignored the pain in his heart at her words. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“Mhm.” She looked past him to Tommy. “I'll call you if the fan stops working again. May need you to come back. Probably best you come alone next time.”

Tommy nodded. He cleared his throat, managed a broken, “Yeah, Mom, okay,” before they drove off.

#bucktommy #911 #tommy kinard #evan buckley #tevan

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lilgarbitch · 19 days

Text

Running in Circles- Three

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: Fainting, should I be adding swearing as a warning…or is it just obvious at this point?

Word Count: 9k

Author’s Note: Don’t hate me for being a cliche. Also, don’t hate me for involving my favorite artists;) It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but many more faces will be popping up throughout this story. Some of you might hate it, but I know a lot of you will love it.

Part two

Y/N

I awoke to laughter outside my bunk, causing me to stir and finally open my eyes to see that the curtain to my bunk was open and three fat-headed boys were staring at me. I rub my eyes and yawn, then wipe my mouth when I realize I had been drooling.

“Fuck offfff,” I groan out to them in a tired voice, covering my eyes from the light shining in.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. You were snoring like a goddamn horse, so I went to check on you and saw you drooling all over Noah’s hoodie.” Cam laughs out. I quickly open my eyes and look down at my sleeve, now with a giant wet spot on it. Goddamnit. There’s nowhere to even fucking wash this unless I can stop at a laundry mat or wash it in the sink somewhere.

“Are you gonna mention her mumbling his name every ten minutes,” Tony mumbled from behind Cam, causing me to groan, smack whatever body part was closest and reach for the curtain, pulling it back to cover me.

“FUCK OFF,” I yelled at them, trying not to laugh as I turned back over, burying my face into my pillow..that now had that amazing musk soaked into it from the hoodie…

“You better get ready soon, love. We get there in three hours,” Tommy calls in, causing another groan to escape my lips.

Wiping my face one more time, I hop out of the bunk and walk to my bags. Well, try to, as the hangover was absolutely kicking my ass and the room was still spinning. I use my barely open eyes to look over what my choices for today could be when they land on that lace tank top (that was actually more like a soft corset) that I almost wore yesterday and decide that even though I feel like the devil was about to come and pull me down any minute now, I should look cute again today. So I grab that, a pair of lower-rise black shorts, almost knee-high socks, and other essentials before walking to the bathroom and taking my much-needed shower.

I walk out of the bathroom, after probably an hour, needing to soak all the sticky sweat from my sleep off, finally feeling fresh and clean and looking like a normal person again.

“Can someone pretty please find some pain killers for me while I finish getting ready,” I ask, peaking my head into the room that all the boys were sitting in. I rub my eyes with deep pressure, hoping to bring some relief. Someone could be banging against my head with a hammer right now, and it wouldn’t even compete with the pounding inside it.

“Way ahead of ya,” Tony responded, holding up Advil and a water bottle. I look at him like he was a goddamn angel and give him a wide smile and a small exasperated ‘thank you’ before taking some and chugging the water. Then, Cam handed me an energy drink, and I just about kissed him.

“What would I do without you three,” I gushed as I cracked open the can.

“Probably not be so hung over,” Tommy jokes, making me giggle before turning back around to finish getting ready. Grabbing my make-up bag and whatever hair tools I brought with me, I head into the back of the bus, not caring how bumpy it would be. I just needed some space from voices.

But I still opened my phone to put on some quiet music since it was impossible for me to actually handle pure quiet, and see I had another message from Noah, making me smile. I looked around, checking to see if anyone had caught me, before saving his number on my phone. After I send him a simple good morning text, I turn on some music and go back to getting ready for the day.

After over an hour, my arms felt sore from forcing myself to put extra work into my hair. My make-up and hair were done, and I walked to the bathroom to take one last close-up glance over my appearance. Smiling at how well I did my eyeliner and wiping off any make-up that ended up on my piercings, I step back and glance at my full outfit. I was showing off a lot more skin than yesterday, and my stomach tattoos and a bit of my back piece were showing off since my shirt was more of a crop top, but I felt cute.

I make my way back out to the living area and expect to see the boys, but noticed we were already at the next venue, so they were probably out hanging with the other group already. Pulling out my phone again, I check the time and weather, seeing that I still had a lot of time before we had to do anything, and that it was a little warmer than where we were yesterday, even though it was mid-October, so I should probably still grab my cardigan and bring it with me just in case. But then my eyes land on a new message notification.

Noah🖤- Morning? It’s 2 pm

Noah🖤- but good morning to you too:)

Y/N- Shush

Y/N- I don’t know why I let you guys convince me to drink last night. I feel like death.

I close my phone and glance around the bus. This is probably one of the only moments I will get to myself on this tour, so I’m absolutely going to take advantage of it. I have a good two hours until sound check, so I walk over to the speaker on our bus and turn it on, pairing it with my phone and pressing play on one of my playlists before going to my bag and grabbing my laptop. I sit down in the back of the bus, turn on Demon Slayer, rewatching it for the millionth time, and sing along with my music. Maybe getting a little too into the music, since it wasn’t often that I had time to sing along to my favorite songs as loud as I could without feeling like I was bothering the boys.

Still choking on the bed

Found your waste while the ember red

Keeps falling down and burning in holes

Until the pillow and the mattress glow

I sang along to one of my favorite albums, not really paying attention to anything else as I tried to hit Vic’s notes.

Now I want to be the tattoo ink

That swims down through the needle in your skin

That’s when I heard someone cough to catch my attention, making me open my eyes. I guess I had been so entranced in the song and in hitting the notes that I was now sat back on the couch with my eyes closed.

I blink a few times and clear my throat before my eyes focus and I see Noah standing in front of me with a smirk on his face.

“I texted you a few times asking if you wanted to come join us, and then Tony told me to come and see what you were doing,” he confessed before laughing, “I was a little worried I’d walk in on something embarrassing, but that was actually really good.” I blushed a little at his compliment, hoping that my make-up covered it well.

“I- uh. Sorry. I just figured this was one of those rare times that I had to myself, you know? So I just let you all do your thing until you needed me.” I replied with an embarrassed chuckle.

“No, no, you’re all good. If you want me to leave, I’ll just get Tommy or someone to come get you when you’re needed,” he said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder. Then his eyes caught my laptop. “Are you watching Demon Slayer?”

“Yeah..?” I replied, eyeing him to see his reaction. He came over to me and motioned for me to scooch over so he could sit.

“I fucking love that anime.” I laughed as his eyes didn’t leave my screen. I stood up and walked over to where my phone sat and turned off my music, disconnecting it from the speaker and walked back. He had moved closer to the laptop, which was at an angle to face where I was sitting, so I walked around the small table it was sitting on, and moved the laptop to face straight towards the couch, and sat down about a foot from him, the show now being played in front of us. I know I wanted alone time, but this wasn’t so bad. I figured being alone with Noah would be awkward and uncomfortable, so it was nice being able to be in his presence and know I didn’t need to be so freaked out yesterday. I’m not sure if it was because I opened up my personality to him so easily yesterday, or just how sweet he was and how much we had in common, but I almost felt like I could treat him like any other friend. Like I had been close to him for years.

We watched for a little while before I felt eyes on me. I look up from the screen and see Noah looking at me, making me smirk. His eyes trailed down my body, following the lines of the ink in my skin like a maze. A giggle escaped my lips as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He immediately dropped his gaze to the screen again after noticing he had been caught.

“You’re gonna miss some important scenes if you don’t pay attention,” I tease. He chucked softly.

“I’ve seen this anime so many times. I already know what’s gonna happen,” he defended with a shy smile. I gave him a fake, shocked look.

“So you intruded on my ‘me’ time to watch a show you’ve already seen?” I ask with my eyebrow raised. He looks at me with slightly widened eyes, about to defend himself, before I laugh, cutting him off,” I’m just kidding. This is probably my tenth time seeing it.” His head fell as he shook it with a smile before going back to watching, so I did, too.

“You sounded really good earlier, by the way,” he mumbled out after a few minutes. I look over at him through the side of my eye and smile.

“Thank you. I’ve been really working on hitting higher notes like that. It’s not easy for my vocal range.” I respond with a warm smile.

“Pfft. You have the craziest range I’ve ever heard. I can’t see those notes ever being a struggle for you.” he says, making me shake my head in disbelief.

“As if! I saw you guys a few years back, and you were hitting and holding notes I couldn’t even imagine doing.” I confess, elbowing him lightly, which caused him to laugh. But then his smile faltered slightly.

“Are you..uh.. talking about that one festival we did...?” He asked, watching for my reaction. I turned my head to the side, confused, before nodding, remembering that day, once again, as if it were yesterday.

“How..?”

“I uh.. I actually think I remember seeing you in the crowd.” he trailed off, his arm raising so his elbow rested on the back of the couch as he rubbed the back of his neck, losing eye contact in embarrassment. I did my best to hide the shocked look on my face as I turned to face him, giving him my full attention.

“Th-that’s kind of crazy..but actually pretty cool. Seeing each other again all these years later..” I weakly respond, not knowing how I should react to him remembering me on the day my life took a complete turn.

“Yeah. I actually..uh.. I also remember the day I saw a friend of mine post pictures of your band when he was traveling, and I just had to give you guys a listen, and I was really impressed.” I giggled softly, still shocked.

“Is that why the next day, Jolly reached out to Tommy? Because you saw us?” I teased. The words left my mouth before I even had control of it because, of course, the only way I knew how to keep conversations from being awkward was by joking. I internally curse myself before he answers.

“Yeah, I mean, I could never let a voice like that go unrecognized. I’m actually really happy that Jolly and Tommy became friends.. and that we managed to get this tour set up. I’m really glad… I got to finally meet you.” he confessed, making complete eye contact again.

“I can’t lie, I was worried I was never gonna see you again.” I said, before realizing I spoke before thinking, “You know..because..I enjoyed your music so much,” I tried adding with an awkward laugh and internally cursed at myself again. He gave me a look, letting me know he didn’t believe me.

“I was actually thinking the same thing…” he trailed off as we looked at each other. That was when I noticed how close I was to him. He had leaned in when talking, and now our faces were barely a foot apart. My breath hitched when I glanced down at his lips as he finished speaking. Don’t do it, Y/N. Not yet. You can’t let yourself give in on the second day of finally seeing him again. You won’t be able to handle it if this goes south in the future. I looked back into his eyes and saw that he was now looking at my lips, slowly inching forward. And I was too, not even in control of my body. I could feel his breath on me the closer we got, and suddenly, all restraint in my body left as I was about to close the distance, desperately needing to feel his lips on mine.

“SOUNDCHECK IN TEN MINUTES. GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE, Y/N,” Cam shouted in through the door of the bus, causing both Noah and I to jump. I look up at him with a shocked look before standing up, letting out a quiet ‘fuck’ before quickly grabbing my phone and cardigan. I feel a soft touch on my wrist but ignore it before rushing out the door and past Cam.

“Also, have you seen Noah? We sent him to get you, but he just disappeared.. never mind, then.” I heard him ask as I ignored him and walked to the venue.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck are you thinking? You know better than this. Why the fuck did you let him stay and watch? You told yourself time and time again you wouldn’t let your feelings take control when you finally saw him again. And even fucking better, you haven’t even fully warmed up today! This is a goddamn job, Y/N. Not a touring party bus with occasional performances. I run my fingers through my hair, pulling on it, trying to ground myself again. God, I’m a fucking idiot. He probably only even tried kissing me because I’m the only girl here. Because that definitely wouldn’t be the first. Fucking hell, dude. You’re gonna ruin the tour for everyone.

I had reached side stage, waiting for the rest of my band, and started pacing. I feel a presence behind me and jump, looking over. Thank god it was just Tommy, with the other boys trailing behind him.

“Are you okay?” Tommy asked with a concerned look on his face. I finally stopped my subconscious pacing and let out a sigh.

“I uh..I just haven’t warned up..” which wasn’t a complete lie.

“Is that why I saw Noah walking out behind you on the bus?” Cam teased with a smirk, causing Tommy to smack him in the stomach, earning a slight ‘oof.’ I completely ignored them and saw the stage manager beckon us on stage for our soundcheck. I immediately walk out and in front of my mic, trying my hardest to ignore the weird looks I was getting from the boys. I let out a deep sigh before we started.

The boys sounded fine, but I didn’t. My voice cracked at every high note and I couldn’t hold my growls. I could feel tears threaten to escape my eyes.

“Y/N, what’s going on with you?” Tony asked from behind me. I turn to him and he immediately shuts his mouth when he sees the redness in my eyes. I hear someone walking up behind me.

“Hun, you can warm up when they do their soundcheck. It’s okay..” Tommy tries to comfort me as he rubs my back. I know he knows that it wasn’t my voice bothering me. Hell, something was upsetting me so much that it was throwing my vocals off. But he didn’t dare ask. He never did, not once in over five years I had been lying to him about the thoughts in my head. I give him a weak nod, and we all walk off stage. As we do, we run into the other group of boys. Folio goes to greet me but closes his mouth when he sees my appearance.

“She’s uh..she’s just having some trouble with her vocals today. So she’s gonna warm up then stay on vocal rest until we have to head on..” Tommy thankfully answers for me. Nick nods, and the other boys give me a pitying look. I don’t even glance at the tallest, not wanting to see what he looks like right now. My band and I walk to the room backstage and sit down as the other group walks on stage. I sit down, and Tommy continues to rub my back as I take some deep breaths.

“I know you don’t like to talk about these things, but you can’t do this all tour. For you. For us. For the other boys. So, please, Y/N, please talk to me when you need to,” Tommy spoke softly into my ear. He rarely ever used my name, always calling me one pet name or another, so I knew he was serious. I nodded with another deep breath.

“Can we have this talk tonight? I just...I need to warm up..” I asked him and he gave me a fast nod, surprised I was finally willing. I knew he was right. It’s been way too long bottling all of this up, so I had to say something, especially now that I gad to see the problem every single day.

“Do you want to do our warm-up, or do you want to be alone?” Cam asked me softly, almost like he didn’t want to upset me.

“I think it’s better for me to do it alone today. I have to let out some emotions...you know?” He nodded, understanding what I meant, and patted Tony’s shoulder, signaling for them to head somewhere else. Tommy gave me a kiss on my temple before standing up.

“If you need anything, just call. If one of those fuckers starts bothering you, I’ll beat their ass,” he jokingly threatened, hooking a thumb over his shoulder, pointing towards the stage. That made me giggle, which made him smile, seemingly happy he put a smile on my face. He followed the boys, and now I was left alone. With one last large sigh, I pulled out my phone, ignoring every notification, and opened Spotify, knowing exactly what song I had to put on to practice to let out some pent-up feelings. I typed it into the search bar, pressing the song, and turning my phone all the way up. The music started off soft and I cleared my throat. I had a good few minutes until they were gonna come off stage, so I was able to be alone just long enough to ‘sing’ this song with no embarrassment.

The vocals were about to start, so I inhaled, holding the phone up to one ear and my other hand cupped my other ear so I could hear myself, then I started singing along. My head and body moved as I tried to hold and reach each note, so I started walking around the room. There was a reason I never really sang songs like this in front of anyone. I had a few times around the boys, but after being told so many times that I sounded too manly when I showed off my ‘party tricks,’ even their compliments didn’t help, so I started hiding it from them again.

We’re dancing like flames

Flickering in the night

We sway in time with the wind

Before melting away

You're far from my reach

But not far out of sight

You know the way to my heart

But you just play the strings again

I paused to control my breath as the song continued. I hadn’t sung along to Lorna Shore in so long, not really having time to. I couldn’t do each scream Will did, but I had worked on different screams over the years that I could replace the ones I’ve been unable to learn. I joined back in singing along with the lyrics after a minute, and the grumble in my chest felt amazing. I really missed this. I held out every growl as long as I could and tried replicating his screeches to the best of my ability. The tunnel screams were my favorite to both hear and do. Eventually, the song ended, and I was so in the zone that I just let the next one play. I felt every emotion in my chest get shaken out with every growl I made. My head felt empty enough that I genuinely didn’t care if the boys came in to check on me.

‘Sun//Eater’ was now playing, and I continued letting out everything in my body as I sang along. I’d get a little frustrated when I couldn’t replicate certain parts of it, but I got so into it that I didn’t stop until the music faded out. I pulled my hands away from my head and turned down my phone volume after closing Spotify. I didn’t actually need to ‘warm up’ per se, so my clean vocals didn’t need any practice. I truly just needed to get all these emotions out.

I turn to make my way towards the door, ready to join back up with my band, when I came face to face with four incredibly shocked men. I paused and stood there equally as stunned. My mouth gaped open, about to let out a small ‘I’m sorry,’ but was immediately cut off.

“DUDE, THAT WAS SICK! WHAT THE FUCK!” Ruffilo yelled as he walked towards me. I couldn’t remove the shocked look on my face as the rest of them agreed almost as loudly. I didn’t know if I was more shocked at them catching me or the praise. I know we were both bands in the metal genre and that they were all nice guys who enjoyed my band's music, but I still never got a reaction like this from anyone before.

“I- uh,” and then I got cut off again as my band came running back, I’m assuming after hearing the yelling. I looked up at them with a shocked look as the other group looked at them like they had just discovered the most insane thing in their lives. My boys looked between all of us before finally making the connection.

“Oh, come on! I haven’t heard Y/N scream in so long, but you guys get to hear it?” Cam whines. Tony and Tommy walked over to me, and Tony put a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s crazy, right? But we can never convince her to perform like that on stage no matter how much we try.” Tony says with fake sadness, smirking down at me. Oh, they’re about to team up on me again, aren’t they? They did this every time they heard it. Just now, there are more people here to pressure me. The shocked look still hadn’t left my face, but was now closer to an offended one when I realized what he was trying to do. I look back at the rest of them, and they were all staring at me once again. I instantly shook my head. Absolutely not.

“Come onnnn,” Folio chimed in, “ That was the most incredible shit I’ve ever heard. If you don’t go do that on stage, I’m coming out and doing it, and you don’t want that.” he laughs out. I look between all their faces, each with a reassuring yet pressuring grin. I didn’t know how to respond, still overwhelmed by everything that just happened.

“I- I,” I stutter out. I really don’t want to, but they’re all begging me at this point. I continue looking at all of them, Tommy now having a pout and puppy-dog eyes.

“Fuck! Okay! I will. I guess I’ll try it out tonight, but if I get any bad reactions, none of you are ever allowed to hear me sing again.” I say exasperated. This caused them all to reach in and hug me, almost causing a dog pile, making me laugh.

“Wait, how would that work? You’re our lead singer.” Cam questions with a confused look on his face.

“Trust me, I’ll find a way, even if it means deafening you.” I threatened, pointing a finger at him, which caused a scared smile to form on his face.

I had just finished most of the songs on our set. My mind has been on overdrive this whole show, and I feel terrible that I haven't connected with the crowd as much as I usually do. We only had three songs left to do, the ‘Fan’s Choice’ and our two encore songs. My mind was running a mile a minute as I wondered if I should do this or back down. It was rare that I stole the choice away from the fans, so I’m worried they’ll be upset about that, and I’m also worried they won’t even enjoy it. I took some deep breaths before setting my mic back on its stand and looking towards the crowd, one full of beautiful fans who had been singing with me the whole night. I really didn’t want to disappoint them. So, with one heavy exhale, I began speaking.

“So, I know you may all know that it’s around the time for our special ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. And I know so many of you love it, which is why we do them every show. But tonight, we’re gonna do something a little different.” I spoke into the mic. The crowd cheered when I finished, but they quieted down a little when they saw my serious demeanor.

“Now, this wasn’t my choice, I have to warn you. So, if any of you have complaints, take them up with the boys behind me,” I paused to point at my bandmates, “ And the wonderful yet pressuring boys of Bad Omens.” I paused once more, knowing the crowd would get loud hearing their name. A smile creeps up on my face as they do.

“Tonight, I’m gonna sing something a little different. Hopefully, it’s a song many of you enjoy, but again, if you don’t, it’s not my fault,” I said, holding my hands up in defense with a smile. The music began over the speakers since none of the boys had any time to practice this. So it was just me and the speakers. It was just me performing this song. A few people in the crowd got rowdy as they recognized the opening cords, which gave me a little hope.

“I hope you all enjoy Lorna Shore because this is ‘To the Hellfire,” I yell into the mic as the music got louder and I was about to start. The crowd got so loud I could hear them over the music and even through my earpiece. I pulled the mic off the stand and began moving around, knowing I was about to put my whole body and soul into this cover after doing it so many times in my room alone. I let every inkling of anxiety leave my body as I begin screaming.

I’ll hold onto feeling until my final breath escapes

Gazing upon this world until it fades

Fall with me into the other night

We can go beyond the horizon again

Fall with me until we’re out of time

Let the current swallow

These whispers keep clawing

Your mind is dissolving light

I hold out the last note the best I can. My mind was entirely somewhere else. I forgot about all the people staring at me as I put my whole body into these screams. I know I don’t sound anything like Will, but I’m doing everything I can to at least hit his notes, even if I’m not getting his exact growls right.

After a good minute, I open my eyes, remembering where I was and turn towards the crowd. I felt so good in this moment, screaming my heart out. As my eyes reach the crowd, I see them going absolutely insane. There’s two giant mosh pits forming, and I’ve never felt so accomplished in my entire life. This is all I’ve wanted when I became a vocalist and started teaching myself to scream. I was close to the end of the song when I knew exactly what I wanted. I look towards Tony and nudge my head towards the crowd, holding the hand that wasn’t holding the mic out in front of me and moved it outwards, signaling to him what I needed his help for. He immediately understood with an excited smile on his face. He grabbed his mic and ran towards the front of the stage. The instrumental began as he shouted into the mic.

“ALRIGHT! I NEED EVERYONE TO SPLIT THIS BITCH DOWN THE FUCKING MIDDLE.” Instantly, those who were moshing stopped and began moving back. Those who were staying away from the moshers moved even farther back, knowing exactly what was about to happen, and did not want to get sucked in. I see Cam zoom past me out of the corner of my eye and jump off stage, right into the open floor, with the widest smile on his face. He stood exactly in the center, holding both arms in the air, and Tony joined him by raising the arm that wasn’t holding the mic.

“ON YOUR FUCKING MARK” Tony shouted.

Sink while you bathe in hallucination

“READY”

My final breath

“SET”

Swallowed by the womb of-

“GO”

DEATH

Cam’s and Tony’s arms shoot down like they were starting a race. I held out the note in the deepest tunnel scream I could. I watched as two waves of people ran to each other as fast as they could.

As you pass through the fucking gate

I did the best screech I could, switching halfway to a fry scream as I watched hundreds of people run full force into each other. I lost Cam the second the two walls of people met, but I knew he was loving every second of it.

Descending towards the end faster

Now was my time to shine. I did the pig squeals and snorts the best I could. After four good enough ones, I clenched my eyes shut, arched my back, and faced the ceiling, holding the mic above my mouth as I let out the longest pig squeal I’ve ever tried, shifting into a goblin scream halfway through as I threw my body forward into itself, compressing my lungs to get the loudest noise I could.

After I finished, my abs were killing me, but the feeling was immediately diminished as I saw the crowd lose their fucking mind. I pulled out my earpiece to hear them better. I laughed as I watched them all push each other and scream in adrenaline and excitement. I finally see Cam being crowd-surfed to the front with the widest, most insane smile I’ve ever seen, making me laugh harder. He returns to the stage and climbs onto it, out of breath. I feel hands on my shoulder and look to see Tommy with a proud look on his face. Instantly, I felt two more large men tackle me in a giant hug, screaming about how proud they were of me, and all I could do was try to keep my balance and laugh.

Finally, they pulled away, and I turned towards the still rowdy crowd with a proud grin.

“So, what I’m hearing is.. that you all enjoyed that?” I asked into the mic, immediately getting ground-shaking cheers in response. I made a face like I was thinking, “Hmm. I’ll see what I can do in the future then.”

The crowd was still insane as we sang the rest of the set, and it didn’t take too much to get them hyped up for the rest of the show. With a proud smile on my face and my brothers patting my back, we walked off stage and into the back, immediately getting tackled by more large men.

“That was so fucking good, Y/N, are you fucking kidding me?” Ruffilo praised. I gave them all a bright smile. Until my eyes landed on Noah’s, who was also wearing a proud smile. I looked down, biting my lip as I tried to hide my smile, and did my best to shimmy my way out of everyone’s embrace. I walked towards Noah, who was standing a foot away from the group. I had so much confidence pouring out that I completely forgot about how awkward the encounter should be.

“Hi,” I awkwardly greeted with a giggle.

“Hi”

“So..what’d you think?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck, looking up at him with a shy smile.

“That was insane, Y/N.” He complimented with a low laugh. I looked down again, trying to hide my blush. “I knew you could sing and scream, but that...that was fucking incredible.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?” I teased, crinkling my face in embarrassment.

“Fuck no. I told you earlier that your voice is amazing. I literally forced the whole band to listen to you when I first heard you, and to know you also had this in you is absolutely mind-blowing.” I feel my cheeks heating up more. And as much as I wish they didn’t, his words went straight to my ego. Probably because it was coming from him, of all people, but I think I’m finally feeling good about this. I looked back into his eyes and smiled.

“Thank you. I’m actually really thankful for you and your band. You guys gave us a chance, and you all pressured me into doing this,” I said with a laugh, “So I really appreciate it.”

“I’m just glad to see you finally believing in yourself like the rest of us believe in you, Y/N,” he spoke lowly after a moment, leaning down to my height like he only wanted me to hear. I bit my lip and looked at him. I didn’t understand. He was so… perfect? I know everyone’s been nice to me, but he especially has. Not once since we finally met has he done anything but help me or compliment me. All I could think when I looked at him was..appreciation? Adoration? I wasn’t sure. But when I looked into his eyes, I just felt..good. Like when you finally come home after a long day. When you finally lay in bed after being on your feet all day. Like being surrounded by the people who bring out the best in you.

And then I looked at his lips. All the thoughts from earlier came rushing back. Suddenly, there was no one else in the room but us. Hell, it felt like there was no one else on this earth but us. I glanced back up into his eyes, and it felt like I was back at that festival all those years ago. All my senses shut down. The only thing that my brain registered was his eyes. His beautiful fucking eyes. The eyes that haunted my dreams. My every waking thought. I can’t tell if I’m upset that this keeps happening or if I’m starting to enjoy it.

Jolly whips an arm over and pats Noah on the back, bringing me, or probably both of us, back to earth. I blink a few times and turn to everyone. Thankfully, the boys were all still in their own little conversation, probably talking about how they can use and abuse this ‘talent’ of mine now that they know I’m slowly opening up to it. But truthfully, I wasn’t actually paying attention. I couldn’t. Even though I looked away, I was still stuck in his presence, like a bubble keeping me in, drowning me in the same thoughts I’ve had for so long, just more concentrated. I can see Jolly say something to Noah, and him nodding back as a response. I see five mouths moving as they speak over each other, yet not a single voice registers in my brain. Wait, this was starting to get scary. What the fuck do I do? No, like actually. I feel stuck.

I watch as Noah gives me a short glance, almost contemplating something, before following Jolly past the other boys. Ruffilo and Folio catch them, say their goodbyes, and follow them as well. And now it was just me and my boys. But I was still stuck. He was gone, and I’m still stuck. My mind races, and I try hard to pick apart what specific thought is keeping me shut off from the world. Was it the compliments? Was it finally hitting me exactly what was happening, that I’d been spending time with the man who has plagued my being for what felt like centuries at this point? Was it my feelings towards him? Just hitting even harder now?

I get pulled from my thoughts to a hand waving in front of my face. I slowly look up and see Tommy with a concerned look on his face. He’s speaking, but once again, every word is just unintelligible to my brain. I go to open my mouth to speak, but there are no words I could even form right now. I watch as Tommy glances back at the other boys, who are now a little concerned as well. Tony comes forward and says something. I tried to read his lips, but everything was like I was underwater. Words jumbled, and everything became a blur. And then more blurry. And slowly, my peripherals turned dark. I saw Tommy reach out to hold my shoulders as Cam came forward, looking like he’d seen a ghost. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but then everything went black.

I quickly sat up, gasping, like I had just regained the ability to breathe. The world slowly came into sight. I blink a few times, then scrunch my face in discomfort as my ears begin ringing. Slowly but surely, the ringing passed, and I could finally hear again. What the fuck happened?

“Hun?” I hear to my left. I blink a few more times and turn, seeing Tommy looking at me. I give him a confused look. Tony was sitting next to him, looking the exact same. I coughed a bit before speaking.

“What the fuck happened?” It came out harsh as if I desperately needed water.

“Medics said it was probably an adrenaline crash... Dude, you scared the shit out of us.” Tony reached forward and held my hand tight.

“You’ve been out for a hot minute. Cam was freaking the fuck out, so we made him go wait off stage to let the guys know what’s happening.” Tommy said, reaching to rub my back. I run my hand through my hair and scrunch my face, trying to remember what even happened. Suddenly, I hear feet slamming against the pavement outside, then up the bus stairs. Noah appears, looking wild as his eyes finally land on me. He lets out a breath of relief once he sees me. He walks forward and crouches by my feet, resting a hand on my ankle.

“What happened? I come off stage to see Cam looking like someone died, and when we finally get anything out of him, he says she passed out.” Noah asks the two in front of me, running a hand over his face, both collecting sweat and to soothe himself.

“I don’t know, man. You guys head on stage, and we turn to her, and she’s as white as a ghost. Couldn’t even get her to say anything before she passed out in Tom’s arms. Medics say adrenaline crash, but I don’t know. It was fuckin scary, man.” Tony gets out, looking stressed as ever, hand still holding mine like I was about to drift away. Noah looks at me with a look mixed with terror and confusion, but also relief that I’m still here. I open my mouth to speak, causing him to tighten his grip on my ankle ever so slightly.

“Water.” was all I could get out. Noah and Tommy instantly stand up as Tony points to the case of water with the hand not holding mine. Tommy reaches it first and hands it to me. I chug it like I hadn’t had water in days. Once it was gone, Noah reached over and grabbed another, setting it beside me and returning to his spot at my feet. I run my hand through my hair again. I probably look like a fucking mess right now.

“I want to try to stand,” I state. They all look at me like I’m insane but slowly back up. I hook my feet around and off the couch that I guess someone laid me on. Using my arms, I push myself up. All three watched me, ready to catch me if anything happened. Gaining stability, I let out a deep breath and walk towards the bathroom. I take a peek at myself in the mirror and grimace. Who knows when my mascara started running, but it was everywhere. I grab an old towel and wet it, wiping under my eyes, before holding my hands under the water, letting the feeling ground me.

After about a minute, I walk back out to the boys, who all still looked like I was going to drop dead any minute, and I snicker.

“I’m fine, guys.“ I say, chuckling a little at their concern. I know I shouldn’t, but their faces were just a little funny. “Aren’t we off tomorrow? Shouldn’t we be heading to a hotel or something?”

They all nod, calming down a little that I’m now normal again, but still tense and on edge. I move to walk passed them.

“I’m gonna go let everyone else know that I’m okay, and then we can head over,” I say, walking down the stairs of the bus. I watch my feet, knowing I’m still a little out of it, but once I get on solid ground, I glance up, seeing four boys giving me the same look as the others, causing me to laugh again.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Cam gushes as he walks over to me and holds me tight. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you, so I stayed out here, but I almost cried.”

I chuckled and looked past Cam and at the other boys, who all nodded, agreeing that he did, in fact, almost cry, making me laugh harder. I gave Cam a tight squeeze before pulling away and looking up at him.

“I’m okay, I promise. I’m gonna rest on the way to the hotel, and everything will be back to normal once we get there,” I reassured him. And I guess the mention of the hotel reminded everyone, who all let out a tired groan.

“I’m so fucking ready to sleep in a bed again. I know it’s only been like three days, but those bunks are ass,” Folio whined, causing everyone else to nod in agreement.

“Alright, then, I’ll see you all in a little bit. I need some fucking water.” I said, turning around to head back into the bus. But once I turned, I almost ran face-first into Noah’s chest. I look up at him in shock as he looks down at me with the same reaction.

“Sorry..” he squeaked out. “I uh.. you all good riding back? I can join you if you need..” he mumbles. I give him a warm smile.

“I’ll be okay. The boys can take care of me if need be. I’ll see you all in less than an hour.” I give his arm a soft squeeze as he nods. I walk past him and onto the bus, Cam following suit. I sit back where I was lying before, grabbing the water he handed me earlier and opening it. Taking a quick glance out the window, I see them teasing him over something before walking back to their own bus, making me chuckle. After taking a few gulps from the water bottle, I set it down and turned to the three guys staring me down. My eyes widen, not knowing what I should’ve prepared for.

“You know I care about you, we all do, and we’re glad you’re okay, but you gotta spill.” Tony eyed me down. “I don’t care if you wanna just talk to me, I’ll kick these two into the back, but you’re telling me what the fuck happened earlier today, and if that had anything to do with you passing out.” I let out a sigh and leaned my head back against the couch.

“I mean... I guess it’s time I spilled everything. To all of you. Even though I know you’re all gonna tease me one way or another, it’s been too long to deal with this myself.” and that’s when I told them everything. From the day at the festival. To the days I spent lying in bed only thinking of him. The depression it caused. The rage. The song lyrics. Almost kissing him today. Even what I could remember before I passed out. I told them everything I could. All three of their faces switched between shock, concern, understanding, and outright bewilderment as I spoke. I spoke the whole ride to the hotel, and surprisingly, I was not interrupted once. Once I finished, they all seemed speechless.

“And now we’re at the hotel..” I notified them, bringing them out of their shock. I stood up to grab a bag, filling it with everything I needed for one night, and walked back to them. Not a single one has said a word yet. “You should probably grab some things so we can head in.”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah.” Cam said, being knocked back into reality as he stood, the others following him. I gave a nod towards the bus driver as I opened the door and walked off towards the hotel, leaving the boys and apparently him too in their own shock.

I walk through the doors of the hotel and see four giants causing a ruckus, probably waiting for us. They all stop when they see me like they got caught by their moms, making me laugh.

“By the way, the boys are gonna seem a little..perplexed..when you see them. Pay them no mind. They’re..uh..still upset about the whole passing out situation.” I laughed as they looked at me, then at my boys as they came walking in behind me, looking dazed out and deep in thought. It was a bad lie, but oh well.

“Anyway, we only have four rooms for all of us, and since you’re the only girl, you get to choose a roommate first,” Jolly said, handing me my card.

“Oh, pick me, pick me, pick me,” Folko joked, looking up and crossing his fingers, until Noah smacked him in the stomach, causing a loud ‘oof’ and a laugh from all of us. I thought for a moment. Do I say fuck it and pick Noah? Should I pick Tony or Cam and deal with their annoying asses all night? Do I pick one of the other boys and get to know them? Or choose the safe bet and pick Tommy?

“Uhh..Tommy,” I finally said. Jolly handed Tommy his card, and the rest figured out who was bunking with whom. I walk over to Tommy and lean a head against his shoulder, not tall enough to rest on it. He wraps an arm around me, and I look up but see that he was still lost in thought.

Once everything was situated, we all headed to the rooms we were given. I unpacked what I needed and headed to shower, not even calling dibs because I knew he would let me take it first anyway. Once I came out, clean and in my pajamas, oversized band tee, and shorts with fuzzy socks, I sat down in the bed I claimed earlier. Glancing over, I see Tommy still deep in thought.

“Penny for your thoughts, love?” I ask, catching his attention.

“So this whole time..”

“Yes, this whole time, it was Noah.”

“Since the festival?”

“Yes, the festival, like five years ago.”

“Why’d you never tell us?”

“It wasn’t really anything I was ready to be teased about until now.” I answered, shrugging.

“Are you planning to say anything to him?”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, I think the gods above put me in a trance when I first saw you, and now I’m stuck?” He took a minute to respond to that.

“I get that, but what if he likes you back?”

“You remember what I dealt with last time. After Gus, I was a fucking mess. Which is why I was even harder on myself with all of this.”

“Y/N. Noah isn’t Gus. Noah won’t hurt you that badly then..you know..”

“I know... it’s just..hard. Plus, I just finally met the dude face-to-face. I can’t confess anything to him now.”

“I get that. But you’re almost 27. You barely let yourself live after Gus. And then you hid yourself away the second whatever the fuck that was happened with Noah. So maybe just.. live a little?” After he said that, it really hit me. He was right. I definitely did my fair share of partying, but I was dealing with my ex for so long and just never put effort into mingling after. I sat there for a while, thinking about the best course of action to take here. Like, how long can I let this play out? Do I just go the rest of the tour, almost passing out when I see him? Do I act now? Can I rely on the fact that there is definitely something there? Am I even ready for something like this? If not, would he wait for me? Fuck, does he even like me? I mean, he tried to kiss me. There’s something there. But what if this feeling was only one-sided? What if I’m losing my mind over him, and he just has a small crush? Or what if he really likes me and immediately wants to start something? I don’t know if I could even handle a relationship right now. I just finally met him. Fuck. I let out a deep sigh. Fuck it. No matter the decision I make, my feelings will be at severe risk.

“Should I..should I go see him?” I finally ask wearily. I turn to see Tommy looking at me with wide eyes, but then they turn mischievous as he smirks.

“Just go..talk..you know?” He replies, a little too suspiciously. I immediately understood his undertones and rolled my eyes.

“Not like that. But yeah. To talk.” I chew on my lip, knowing that with talking alone comes with me losing control. But talking has to be done.

“Bitch! Go talk to him!” He whisper yells, emphasizing ‘talk’ again, making me laugh. I pull out my phone. It’s already midnight. Would he even be okay with hanging out right now? What if I bother whoever he’s staying with? I chew on my lip some more, feeling Tommy staring me down, before finally clicking on his contact and texting him. I hit send, and anxiety rushes over me. I just fucked up, didn’t I? I definitely did.

“Okay, well…I’m gonna go shower. If you’re not here when I’m back, just text me in the morning,” He winks at me before walking into the bathroom. I roll my eyes before letting out a groan. What the fuck did I just do?

Noah

I glance at my phone again. It’s already past midnight, and I’m too worked up to sleep. I want to text her and ask if she’s okay, but I know it’s stupid. She was fine when I saw her downstairs. I just got so scared. Cam looked at us with pure terror, I thought someone died. When he said her name with such sorrow, I almost took off there and then. Thankfully, I waited for him to finish and she had just passed out, but the pure fear I felt just wouldn’t go away. It still won’t.

Jolly keeps tossing and turning in the bed across the room, so at least I know I’m not the only one who can’t sleep. Who knows if it’s from the same thing, or just the fact we haven’t had a normal sleeping schedule in so long.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. I assume it’s one of the guys who also can’t sleep, asking if we wanted to hang. I sit up and open my phone, clicking on the notification without even looking to see who it was. But as I read it, my eyebrows furrowed until I finally checked the contact.

Y/N🦇- Can I come over?

Y/N🦇- to talk?

I drop my phone and scramble to turn the light on beside my bed. The second I find the switch and light shines through the room, Jolly groans.

“The fuck, man?” he mumbles out.

“Y/N wants to come over..to talk? So uh… out.” I say, pointing towards the door. He looks at me, annoyed, but you can see the words register in his head before he gives me a tired smirk. He pushes himself off the bed, and throws a shirt and slides on.

“Have fun talking.” he teases with a chuckle as he grabs his phone and heads towards the door. I roll my eyes when he leaves before picking my phone back up.

Noah- Yeah of course. room 203

Y/N🦇- Okay:) I’ll be there in a few minutes.

My heart starts racing once I realize what’s actually happening. Why now? I mean, is she really coming to talk, or is this some type of booty-call? I rub my hand over my face, groaning. She’s definitely not a booty-call type of person. And she literally fucking passed out earlier. Plus, she freaked out when we almost kissed earlier…Fuck. I forgot we almost kissed earlier... Okay, just keep your distance and keep her comfortable. But what does she want to talk about?

Part Four

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian and reader #badomens #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian reader insert

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magneticecstasy · 2 months

Text

clandestine ✤ joel miller part ii — crushcrushcrush

series masterlist & foreword | ao3

moodboard is not an illustration of how reader should look, just for the ~vibes~

fic summary: it’s september 2016, you're in your final year of sixth form college and joel miller joins the teaching staff as your new history teacher. over the course of the academic year, boundaries are blurred, crossed and ruined when joel begins to reciprocate your insatiable crush on him; what should be so wrong just feels so right.

rating: E | pairing/AU: teacher!joel x student!fem!reader

chapter warnings/tags: (7.1k) this is an 18+ fic so mdni! dubcon (due to student/teacher relationship, both parties are consenting otherwise), age gap (reader is 18, Joel is in his early 30s), power imbalance, inappropriate relationships (teacher!Joel is really not a good teacher), fetishization of new-adulthood, some pervy!Joel, dacryphilia, solo m!masturbation (Joel jacks off in a school bathroom, dirty bastard), solo f!masturbation, wet dreams (mentioned), pet names (Joel calls reader darlin’, sweetheart etc.), minimal description of fem!reader where possible, reader has hair and is generally able-bodied, otherwise undescribed where possible, Tommy is mentioned and is 2 years younger than Joel

a/n: thank you to those who read and enjoyed part one!! i'm absolutely over the moon with all the comments, reblogs and likes!!! it warms my lil heart right up! chapter title comes from crushcrushcrush by paramore but also overlaps with crush by ethel cain which i've been listening to relentlessly when writing this fic. we get more joel this chapter, i hope i'm doing him justice lol - also i mention the epq a million times in this chapter - it's a qualification where you do an extended project that you have to do in sixth form and it's a fucking ballache so everyone hates doing it, trust me

account tags (tagging people who asked and people who seemed interested in chapter one, let me know if you'd like to be added): @sugadolly @yorkshirewench @jodiswiftle @pedgito @mel2fine @canteenee4 @dugiioh @undercoverpena @javiermillerrrr @littlemisspascal

banners and graphics from @saradika-graphics

Thursday 17th October

6:30am

As the weeks of the new term pass, the season changes. The balmy days of September merge into the typical chill of October. Long daylight hours surrender to darker nighttides, elongating the late autumn evenings. Its mornings are darker, sunrise commencing later and later as each day passes. The drop in temperature, though gradual, is noticeable, making the warm cocoon of your bed all the more inviting when your blaring alarm disrupts your blissful sleep. With great reluctance, you pull yourself from the inviting nest and pull the covers back in a haphazard attempt of making your bed. It feels a little pointless as you’ll only be getting back in it later tonight but you don’t want your mum to nag. Making your way to the bathroom, the laminate floor of the hallway beneath your bare feet makes you cringe with its cool touch. The tiles in the bathroom are colder but you decide to suck it up and jump in the shower as a warm place of refuge.

Your carefully crafted shower playlist echoes, a cacophony of sound that's a ritual to your morning routine: shower, get ready, breakfast, drive to college. Using the shower like your own personal recording studio, you sing along like nobody’s listening as you wash your body with sweet smelling soaps, the music helping to calm you before the busy day ahead. A knock at the bathroom door startles you cold. It nearly sends you slipping on the shower’s floor.

“Don’t be in there all day, Mum and I need to get ready too, you know,” your dad grumbles from behind the door. You mumble out a response, rolling your eyes, letting him know that you’ll be out soon. You wash the remnant bubbles of body wash left on your body before switching off the shower and drying off with a rough towel. Wrapping it around yourself, you exit the bathroom and return to your bedroom.

Like any other teenager’s room, it’s untidy. A pile of laundry in a basket threatens to overflow—you make a mental note to deal with it when you get home tonight. The main source of mess is concentrated on and around your desk, textbooks and folders stacked one upon another like a tower on one side with notebooks in a scattered pile on the other with your closed laptop in the middle. The past few weeks of term brought with it a tsunami of work and you’d manage to tread water in the sea of revision, coursework and homework but it was tiring trying to keep on top of college plus everything else and your room was evidence of that.

Conscious of the time, you get ready with haste, applying a light amount of makeup (to avoid sanctions for ‘wearing too much’) and pull on your uniform: a crisp button-up shirt tucked into a pleated plaid skirt, dark tights and shoes, tie, and a fitted blazer that bore the college’s emblem on the breast. You look at yourself in the full length mirror, inspecting yourself, readjusting your tie so it doesn't look completely ridiculous and rolling up your skirt a few times so it hits just above of your knee. The uniform isn’t much to your taste but it could be much worse. Satisfied, you pack your bag with the notebooks you need for the day and head downstairs for breakfast.

The clock in the kitchen shows that it’s past half 7 and it hurries your pace. You make some toast lathered in butter and eat it hurriedly before calling out goodbye to your parents and rush out the door. A silent prayer passes to your lips as you get in your car, hoping that it’ll start with no issues. Turning the ignition, the car sputters to life, thank god. Moving into gear, it creeks as you roll out of the driveway and drive to college.

9:17am

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you seethe under your breath.

Holding an essay that you’d completed a fortnight ago for Mr Hall, the other History teacher, you almost crumple it with how tight you grip the papers. It’s littered with red squiggles of Mr Hall’s sloppy handwriting, taunting you as if it were hyperfocusing on every little mistake you’ve ever made. Shuffling through the essay’s pages, scanning its contents, a laugh of disbelief erupts from the back of your throat. The final comment scrawled on the last page nearly sends you over the edge with indignation:

I don’t think you’ve grasped the concept of this topic very well. Try harder next time. Grade: 11/25.

Bullshit. In an attempt to prove yourself to the despised teacher, you made sure that your spelling and grammar was immaculate and even asked Mr Miller to proofread for you as a favour. In the short few weeks since his arrival, you’d built up a good rapport with the new teacher. It was inevitable with the way he was, his charming allure drawing you to him. It also helped that you found him earth-shatteringly attractive.

You watched him in anticipation as he read your work, feeling the tips of your ears grow hot. It’s probably shit, you think. Pure rubbish. After a while, he put you out of your misery.

“This looks good to me, darlin’,” he drawls, his praise sending an involuntary shiver through your body, “really good, actually. It’s well-written, concise, and has what appears to be thorough source analysis,” he compliments, his thick fingers gliding over the paragraphs, as he focuses on the text. “This is miles better than some of the stuff I use’ta grade when I was teaching at the university and those were meant t’be college level,” he scoffs, returning the papers back to you.

His fingers lingered a little too long as they graze against yours, sending sparks of electricity through your body.

“You mean it? You’re not just saying that to not hurt my feelings, right?” you ask nervously, unsure of yourself.

“‘Course. I don’t mess around, darlin’. Let me know what you get. ‘Be interested to know.”

Noticing your displeasure, Chelsea nudges you. “You alrigh’?” she inquires, her voice low to avoid anyone overhearing.

“That man is taking the absolute piss. Look at this shit.” You shove the paper across the desk for her to read. She reads through the essay without a sound, concentrating.

“What the hell, 11 out of 25? Lemme check mine, I haven’t seen it yet,” she says and reads through her own work, confusion dawning on her face. “I got 16 out of 25? But yours was way more detailed. Doesn’t make sense. Yours is at least a B, surely?”

“Well, according to dickhead over there, it’s an E.” Exasperated, you take the essay from her and shove it in your bag. You just can’t fucking win with this man; it feels like he’s determined to undermine and belittle you at every turn. Even on results’ day back in August, he barely acknowledged you, only offering a curt ‘well done’. Before you can rant further, Mr Hall beckons the class for their attention and begins his lesson. Throughout the rest of the period, you seethe like a pot over a flame, slowly simmering, threatening to overflow.

10:50am

As soon as the bell goes, you dart out of the classroom with little regard for Mr Hall and his hollers, berating you for leaving his class without waiting to be dismissed. If you stayed a second longer in that classroom, you were sure to explode. Unbothered by his threat of a detention, you storm down the corridor with reckless abandon. Wanting to be anywhere else right now, the thought of jumping in your car and skiving the rest of the day was tempting. Tears of frustration threaten to fall and the mist of anger clouds your mind so much that you’re startled when you slam hard into someone’s chest as you round the corner.

“Ow! Watch where you’re going, you fuckin—” you launch into berating the person but stop abruptly when you realise who you’d collided with, your face scorching with embarrasment.

Mr Miller stands before you, his broad frame towering over you. He let out a husky laugh, his eyes glinting with a teasing warmth.

“Easy, sweetheart, you rushing to the canteen or somethin’?” You stay silent, afraid the tears in your eyes would spill if you said anything. It takes a moment for him to grasp the distress etched on your face.

“Talk to me, darlin’, what’s wrong?” His voice is low, as concern blooms across his face. The corridor begins to fill with students, its temperature rising and absolutely not helping with your impending meltdown. A heaviness settles in your eyes, and thick tears soon spill down your cheeks without warning. How embarrassing.

Without a moment's hesitation, Joel has a strong arm around you as he whisks you away into his classroom that’s just up the corridor, doing his best to shield you from prying eyes. Ushering you in and closing the door behind him, he pulls a chair from under a desk close to his and beckons you to sit down. Slumping into the rigid chair, you let the frustrated tears flow.

“Ugh, he’s such a fucking asshole!” you groan in resentment, your voice breaking as you bury your face in your hands and sob uncontrollably, finally giving in to your emotions. Joel stays silent save for a soft I know, darlin’, it’s gonna be okay, his hand resting lightly on your shoulder, thumb softly tracing circles to soothe you. As your tears gradually slow and you start to regain your composure, he positions his leather office chair in front of you and sits down comfortably in the plush seat.

“Tell me what’s happened that’s got you so upset. Was it those boys again?” he asks softly, though sounds disgruntled at the thought of those idiots bothering you again.

“No, no,” you utter whilst using the sleeve of your blazer to wipe away any stray tears. “You know that essay I showed you? Well, I got the grade back off Mr Hall. 11 out of 25. An E.” Your voice wavers, a stray tear falling down your warmed cheek.

His eyes widen with utter disbelief, but he doesn’t interrupt. The gaze of his delicious brown eyes is unwavering as he listens to you, providing you with a safe space to vent your resentment.

“I just don’t understand what his fucking problem is. He’s always talking down to me, shitting on whatever I hand in, giving me crappy feedback. Like if my work is so bad, at least help me with providing constructive criticism, it’s literally his job,” you express, waving your arms in exasperation, hands chopping through the air as if to slice through the grievance.

“Yeah, I don’t like him but I try to be as respectful as I can, y’know. I’m just so tired of the bullshit.” You let out a loud sigh, feeling the weight of the issue begin to dissolve from your tense shoulders.

Joel shuffles in his chair before he moistens his lips with a short flit of his tongue, thinking thoroughly before he approaches his next question: “How long has this been going on?”

“I dunno, since last year.”

“You got the essay with ya?”

“Yeah, lemme grab it.” You rifle through your heavy bag, searching. It takes a second but you find it.

“Thank you, darlin’,” he coos with a slight but comforting smile, taking the papers from you. He twists back to grab his glasses from the desk behind him elongating his body to reach them.

The front of his button-up shirt comes untucked in the process, revealing a glimpse of his soft, somewhat imperceptible trail of hair descending from his soft abdomen that beckons your curiosity and desire. It draws your eyes, each subtle curve and line a tender reminder of his natural magnetism. Paired with the groan that escapes his lips as he stretches behind, this sight feels obscene to observe.

Warm arousal pools low in your tummy, and you feel wet slick begin to permeate the soft folds of your cunt. Biting your plump lip, your thighs clench, seeking any solution to relieve the slow building pressure in your core. It does nothing but wind you up tighter like an iron spring, threatening to burst. You tear your ogling eyes away before he notices and you cross your legs in a last ditch attempt to find reprieve, your skirt hitching a little higher revealing more of your pantyhose-covered thighs; it’s not purposeful, but it isn’t accidental either. He slips the glasses on, sneaking a glance at you in that damn skirt before reading through the papers.

Joel's immediate reaction to reading the essay was parallel to yours: what the fuck? He had heard about Anthony Hall's reputation around the college; Hall was disliked by the majority of staff whilst the students absolutely despised him. Sure, Hall had always been polite enough to him in department meetings and casual encounters, but Joel had sensed something was off about him. Joel was never one to judge someone immediately based on rumour or appearance, he had just thought that Hall was just a bit of a weird guy, awkward and antisocial. However, holding your essay covered in some of the harshest feedback he'd ever seen as a lecturer and teacher, Joel reached his conclusion: Anthony Hall is a douchebag.

“Jesus Christ…” he breathes, flicking through the essay. Some of these comments didn’t even make sense to what you had been writing about, they were just nasty. Joel wondered if Hall had been drunk or high when marking your essay. Possibly both. The more he read, the more his heart ached for you. He’d come to know how hardworking you were in his few weeks at the college, always asking questions to deepen your understanding of certain topics in lessons, often staying behind to pick his brains about what he thought about a topic.

Whether it was to genuinely seek his opinion or simply to have an excuse to talk to him alone, he didn’t mind. He cherished your company in any capacity. He found your expression endearing as you focused on the tasks he set, your brow furrowing slightly with concentration, and the way you bit your lip when faced with a challenging question was something he found particularly alluring. Your soft laughter at his corny jokes, even when the rest of the class would roll their eyes, felt like an intimate connection between the two of you.

The way your hips moved when you approached his desk to ask a question set his heart racing and watching you leave, your skirt swaying, teased him to no end, stirring an inquisitiveness about what lay beneath. He couldn’t help but notice that you sometimes rolled up your skirt making it shorter, and silently hoped you did that just for him—and it drove him absolutely crazy. These subtle gestures, whether intentional or not, kept his thoughts occupied, leaving him to navigate a delicate balance between professional restraint and his own personal curiosity.

“So what do you think? Is he right or…?” you trail off, breaking the silence. Joel hadn’t realised that he hadn’t said anything for a while, the incredulity of the essay situation overcoming him.

“I’m just speechless, honestly. I ain’t ever seen anything like it. Barely know where to begin…” He falters, a kink in his self-assured armour he so often wore with pride. Your stomach drops and worry sets in for a moment. Sensing your insecurity, he endeavours to repair the armour.

He flashes a sweet smile, an eyebrow slightly raised for a moment, revealing soft crows feet that grace the outer corner of his espresso brown eyes. “But I can tell you that this is a fantastic essay. It ain’t fair the way he’s graded it. I can tell you that for free, darlin’,” he pauses a moment. “I’m gonna talk to him about this,” waving the essay nonchalantly, “if you’re happy for me to do so, ‘course,” his steady gaze meeting with yours.

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna cause…” The rest of your words die in your mouth as Joel’s gazes intensifies as if to command you to lay your trust with him. Understanding, you nod, fidgeting with the bits of skin around your nails. As his look softens, his eyes glisten as the sunlight hits the flicks of toffee and golden honey tones of his orbs in the most delicious way.

“Alright, you talk to Mr Hall, just please leave out the bit where I had a menty b.” You let out a nervous laugh, shuffling around in your seat.

“The hell is a menty b?” He scoffs, ever confused by the way young people communicate these days. It was bad enough at home in Austin with teen colloquialisms, but British slang was a different beast altogether for Joel. It was like a new language that often forced him to wade through an unknown branch of the English lexicon when he conversed with his students and staff alike.

“Mental breakdown, duh,” You smirked, a teasing grin creeping across your lips, “you coulda guessed that one easy if used your head.” Rolling your eyes in a dramatic fashion, you wanted to tease him, wanted him to get wound up so much he had to pin you down and put you in your place. One day, maybe, for now that desire remains in your dreams.

“Hey—don’t let your mouth write a check your butt can’t cash.” He quips, playing along in this rally of dalliance.

You shoot him a playful but confused look. “What does that even mean?”

A quiet but teasing gruff chuckle escapes him. “Means don’t run your mouth ‘less you got the gall to back it up.” He quips, leaning back to chuck the essay on his desk.

The sliver of silky hair makes an appearance again and you have to take a deep breath to compose yourself as your clit swells with the want—no—the need for her to be touched. Sure you’ve had some less-than-stellar experiences that left you disappointed, aching for more, but this was a whole different kettle of fish. He’d barely laid a finger and had you a dripping, horny mess. If he only knew about the party in your panties when he taught you the concepts of American politics or the grounds for Regan’s war on drugs, you were sure he’d say you’re a bad girl and needed to be taught a lesson. And god, you wish he would.

“I’ve got the gall.” You challenge, arms crossed in juvenile defiance, playing it up.

“Ya think so?” Matching your energy, he readjusts himself in the plush leather office chair, leaning towards you. The tension in the air is palpable, thick like thunder, waiting for the lightning to strike.

Joel’s tone shifts, husky, pouring thick like honey. “Wanna put your money where your mouth is, darlin’?” He tests, kissing his teeth, that gaze pouring into you as he tilts his head slightly in curiosity, dark golden eyes flitting between yours and your lips.

Before you could respond, the bell cuts through the air like a jagged knife cutting you out of the moment like a butcher carving through a baron of meat. You let out a heavy sigh. EPQ is your next lesson and the thought of it makes you cringe.

“Fuck,” Joel mutters under his breath in a hope you won’t hear, his large palms falling to his lap with a soft slap, “best get to next lesson sweetheart. Don’t want you to be late, now, do we?”

Begrudgingly, you gather your things without much haste, not caring about being late. The day feels like a write-off to you at this point. Mr Miller walks you to the door, opening it for you—always the gentleman. Leaning casually against the door frame, his broad shoulders exude effortless rugged charm.

“Relax, alright? I'll handle it with Mr Hall. No need to worry your pretty little head, okay?”

“I won’t, I promise. Thank you, sir.”

And with that, you shuffle along to third period. You forget about the essay for a while, smiling to yourself, revelling at the fact that Mr Miller called you pretty. It makes the day that little bit easier to deal with.

11:32am

Closing the door behind you, Joel resigns himself to his desk, letting out a gruff sigh, thumb and finger massaging the bridge of his aquiline nose. He hated to see you so down and upset, but you looked so goddamn pretty with tears streaming down your face. Sordid illicit imaginings of you cloud his mind, his growing erection straining against his trousers, a pertinent reminder that he is probably—definitely—absolutely fucked.

Working in a college is hard work. Piles of marking. Countless meetings to attend. Difficult conversations to be had with students, parents and co-workers. The burden of it all could and would ruin some professionals without a way to relieve the stress. Some nights when Joel found himself needing release after a stressful day, you crept into his mind.

Deep down it was wrong to think of you like that, but it didn’t stop his mind from picturing how you’d feel around him, whether it’d be your soft mouth or sweet cunt. Before he had the chance to battle the moral ethics of it all, he’d be a panting mess, hand wrapped around his thick cock, fervently chasing a state of oblivion until he came hard with thick ropes of cum shooting across his soft belly, leaving him gasping for air.

The first time it happened, he was wracked with guilt for days afterwards, and couldn’t bear to meet your gaze the rest of that week, despite your best efforts to make conversation. He was getting it out of his system, that was all. He wouldn’t do it again. Or so he thought.

The next time he found himself chasing a sordid release was a day you wore your hair in two pigtails adorned with little pretty pink pom-poms.

Jesus Christ, she’s got to be doing this on purpose, right? She’s gotta know she’s being a goddamn tease.

He carried on the lesson as planned, trying to not let it affect him by thinking of dead puppies and suchlike but as soon the opportunity arose during lunch break, he escaped to the male staff toilet, locking himself in the lone cubicle.

It felt wrong, dirty, perverted and it probably was, to be truthful. But the thought of having you, something so forbidden, so illicit, clouded his judgement and made his dick harder. He pushed those criticisms to the back of his mind as he undid his belt and removed his thick, veiny cock from his pants in a swift motion. There was only a short window for him to get this over and done with.

Lazily pumping himself at first with the saliva he’d crudely spat in his hand, he relished in the pleasure, his eyes fluttering shut with sick thoughts of your smaller hand in place of his.

Fucking slut with them lil’ pigtails… she knows what she’s doing… gagging for this fucking cock.

Slow pumps quicken to fervent strokes, fabricated images of you on your knees for him taking him in your sweet mouth flashed in his mind.

Such a pretty girl taking my cock… good girl, that’s it… just like that.

A groan threatened to emerge from his throat and he bit his lip so hard he could taste copper which only spurred him on. Pearls of precum leaked from his slit, languid drops dripping down the head, mixing with his spit, a delicious slick coating his length. That familiar tug in his stomach and twitching dick signalled the beginning of the end, and he had to prop himself up with his other hand against the wall of the cubicle to steady himself as he tugged his cock with reckless abandon.

You want my cum in that pretty little mouth huh?… Fucking take it… F-fuuuuuck.

The peak of his release hit him like a tonne of bricks, blurring his vision. Ropes of cum spilled over the toilet seat and landed inside it with a few crude plops. He stroked his length through the aftershocks, panting and gasping for air, body writhing with oversensitivity. After coming down from the high, he took a moment to realise what he’d just done. Jerked off at the thought of you, a student, in the bathroom like some dirty pervert—fuck’s sake Joel. Shame surged through his veins like heroin, the guilt blooming through his body.

Before Joel could contemplate his actions further, he heard the door of the bathroom slam open. Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck. With great haste, he wiped away the evidence of his sordid release from the seat and flushed it away, wishing he could do the same with the guilt decimating his conscience right now. His hands were trembling as adrenaline merged with shame whilst he tucked himself away, zipping his trousers up and re-buckling his belt. Sweat had made his soft curls adhere to his forehead, his heart beating so hard that he believed it would burst out of his chest at any moment.

In an attempt to keep up appearances, he went to wash his hands and saw the last person he wished to see in a bathroom: Anthony ‘the smallest man that ever lived’ Hall. Joel offered a polite nod, not wishing to converse with the man and washed his hands under the scolding hot tap. It was the least he deserved after the stunt he just pulled.

“Are you okay, Joel? You look a bit out of sorts.” Hall asked with his nasally tone, whilst relieving himself in a urinal.

“‘M fine, thank you.” Joel’s tone was pointed, hinting that the conversion needed to be over, like yesterday.

Hall didn’t catch the hint, the stupid bastard. “It’s just you look a bit clammy… are you coming down with something?”

Oh, fuck off Anthony, not now.

“No, sir. If anything it’s just a cold.” He lies, anything to get the twat to stop talking to him whilst scrubbing his hands of sin.

“Well stay away from me then, I don’t want your yankee germs.” He guffaws at his own dumb joke. Joel forced a weak laugh out with every fibre of his being as he wrung his hands dry on some paper towel before discarding it in a bin.

Eager to escape the situation, Joel said a curt ‘see you later’ and slipped past before Hall could say anything further to him. He rushes back to his classroom, cheeks flushed, self-contempt coursing throughout his body. He coaches himself through the peril swirling through his mind: Pull yourself together, Joel, this has to stop, she’s just a girl. That’s the last time.

It’s about three days before he is choking his cock again at the thought of you, chasing that debauched oblivion again.

Monday 4th November

11:43am

It’d been a few weeks since Mr Miller promised to talk to Mr Hall about Essay-gate. That was the name you and Chelsea had given the affair; it seemed fitting as you’d learned about the Watergate scandal in the weeks since the incident. You didn’t want to pester him about the outcome of the conversation between the two teachers, fearing that you would be annoying him, but you thought you’d know by now at least.

It surprised you when you would come to find out the conclusion when Mr Miller knocks on the computer room door of your EPQ lesson, asking for you and instructing you to bring your things as you wouldn’t be coming back. You were more than happy to follow him. Quiet elation melts over you, grateful to be missing EPQ, not that you’d be doing a lot anyway apart from dicking around or browsing online. Arriving at his room, he placed your usual chair in front of his plush leather office chair. It feels a little silly but it warms your heart seeing the arrangement of chairs facing one another, a setup becoming all too familiar when you had your chats with the history teacher.

“We gotta stop meeting like this, darlin’,” he jokes teasingly, large hands running through his curls as he relaxes into his plush leather chair. A black button-up shirt hugs his body in all the right ways, emphasising his broad shoulders. The top button is undone, revealing a small birthmark that you long to kiss and nibble on. You laugh, giving him a look of incredulity—amused by his joke and distracted by how striking he looks in black. It almost makes you forget there’s a reason as to why you’re here in the first place.

“So, there’s some good news, and some bad news.” He begins, his large hands laced in one another. “Good news is Mr. Hall decided to re-evaluate your essay thanks to my… suggestion.”

Joel’s use of the word suggestion was a little white lie. He had actually torn Anthony a new one, launching into a scathing critique of the man’s grading, thoroughly deconstructing the other teacher’s justification for the low mark. In the end, it boiled down to Anthony’s preference in writing style, rather than the substance of the essay. His feebled reasoning angered Joel further, almost flying off the handle during the confrontation.

Joel had come well-prepared: leveraging on his past experience as a college and university lecturer and the mark scheme Hall should’ve been using to grade, Joel had compellingly demonstrated that your essay not only met but surpassed the required standards.

“And the bad news…?” you pry, bracing yourself for the worst.

“The old grade was submitted in the latest data-drop. Admin’s flagged you up for needing extra support in History until the next drop in about 6 weeks.” Joel looks at you carefully, gauging your reaction.

“The fuck?” Fucking Mr Hall causing shit again, goddamn. “Can’t he change it, it’ll literally take a second?”

“I tried, darlin’, but Admin’s locked the drops until the next window and I can’t get access to edit ‘em.”

“Fuck’s sake.” You sigh, swearing under your breath. “So lay it on me, what does this all mean?”

“‘Means that you gotta attend some sessions—like tutoring.”

“Ugh, so I’m stuck with Hall?” The thought of spending any more time than necessary with the man makes your skin crawl.

A quiet grin of delight creeps across Joel’s lips. “We decided that it’d be best for you to work with me, actually.”

Another white lie. When he found out you were getting extra tutoring, he wasted no time going to Admin to make sure you worked with him instead of Hall. Officially, this was justified by the ongoing animosity between the two of you. Unofficially, though, Joel’s real motivation was far more intimate, borderline voracious—he wanted you all to himself and was willing to pull every little string to make it happen. He knew full well you didn’t need the extra help; in fact, he knew you were more than capable. What he really wanted was the chance to be alone with you. He knew he was probably sick for wishing to spend so much time with his barely legal student, but his curiosity of the situation got the better of him. He wanted to see where this, whatever it was, was going and he was strapped in for the ride.

“So ya stuck with me for an extra few hours a week—ain’t you a lucky thing.”

He winks, and your breath catches in your throat. You try to clear it, hoping to disguise your reaction, but Joel is not fooled. He quietly savours the way your reactions betray you each time. He finds it endearing that you think you're discreet, clutching your crush on him like a poker hand, when Joel can see through your cards with ease.

“So how’s this going to work?” You ask after composing yourself, keen to find out the details of the arrangement.

“Hang on, lemme check the email Admin sent me.” He swivels around to his desk and logs into the computer. You notice the way he types, only using his pointer fingers to tap on each key. Such a boomer, you think, quietly laughing to yourself. Joel doesn’t notice, concentrating on hitting the correct key instead. Once logged in, he pulls up the email and reads the screen intently, scanning each line carefully.

“Alrigh’...” he draws out slowly, before turning to you, “according to this, you’ll be able to miss one EPQ lesson and the last 2 hours need to be taken out of your own study periods.” He draws his attention back to the computer, changing the window and revealing a document with a copy of his teaching timetable.

“I’ve got a free period this hour when you’re in EPQ so that could work. And I’m happy to have you in these periods here, here, here or here,” he explains, pointing at the empty cells in the timetable. You get your own timetable up on your phone to compare schedules.

After a lengthy discussion, you both decide that you’ll see him for an hour on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday where your study periods matched with his free ones. Mr Miller emphasises that you could bring any work with you to the sessions, not just History, as he was willing to help where he could. It was so kind of him to offer and it seemed that he genuinely wanted to help you succeed. He even gave you his phone number to contact him with any questions you had. You weren’t sure if he was allowed to do this but you didn’t care. Mr Miller had given you his phone number. You saved it under JM with a little sparkle emoji, concealing his identity in case of prying eyes.

The first text you sent at home that night was simple, yet your hands trembled as you typed and deleted it over and over, not wanting to sound like an idiot.

Thanks for agreeing to help me, I appreciate it :) just texting so you have my number too

After sending the message you buried the phone under your pillow, too anxious to watch and linger, waiting for his response. You’re surprised when his reply comes back within a few minutes.

my pleasure, darlin. can’t wait for our first proper session on wednesday. X

The message, punctuated by a kiss at the end, sends your heart into a flutter. You remind yourself he probably sends texts like that to everyone, not just you. Then, a second message arrives with a buzz, startling you and causing you to nearly drop your phone.

don’t forget the watergate worksheet tomorrow—ya gonna regret letting me have ur number when I’m nagging ya for homework haha. X

You begin to type with haste. Your fingers hover over the x key, debating on whether to return the gesture. Fuck it. No harm done, it’s just a letter after all.

Hahaha I won’t. See you tomorrow x

Within a minute, his response arrives.

see ya then. sweet dreams, darlin. X

You decide to leave it there and head to bed. As you slip into sleep, Mr Miller haunts your dreams: his rugged face, strong hands, broad shoulders, and deep caramel eyes are a tantalising vision. That night is the first of many dreams you have about him, leaving your soft folds drenched with longing when you wake.

Wednesday 20th November

12:31pm

The arrangement of additional tutoring worked out well. You got to miss an hour of EPQ and you were able to spend even more time with your favourite teacher. During the sessions, you were able to get your college work done whilst getting to know more about Mr Miller.

In your exchanges, you find out he grew up in Austin, Texas, with his younger brother Tommy. Tommy, a soldier turned contractor, founded Miller’s Construction after an honourable discharge from the US Army at 23. Mr Miller would help Tommy out during grad school summer breaks and whenever money was tight. Despite the long, gruelling days under the hot Texan sun, he enjoyed the hands-on work, something different from the realm of academia he found himself in. He’d graduated with a respectable bachelor's degree at 22 and then pursued a master's in American History and Politics. Working as a teacher’s aide during his master's program had ignited his interest in teaching, leading him to take up lecturing positions at community colleges and universities around Texas after grad school. Eventually, seeking new opportunities, he moved to the UK, where he worked at several universities. However, the insecurity of temporary contracts pushed him to switch to the further education sector, seeking the stability of a full-time salary. And that’s how he found himself teaching at your college.

You’re mesmerised by how he recounts his life—his eyes gleam with fondness when he speaks of Tommy, his voice comes alive as he recalls the wild nights in Austin with his younger brother when he was home from service, and he speaks openly about his initial fears of leaving home. Getting to know Mr. Miller on such an intimate level feels like a breath of fresh air; teachers often seem like distant robots, detached from their true selves. You never quite understood why.

Today’s session is like any other. After a long double period of English, you find your way to his classroom. He looks up as you enter, greeting you with a warm, inviting smile that makes the day’s stress melt away.

“Hey, ya ready for our session?” he smiles, that kind expression always so infectious that you felt your own lips curling.

“Gimme a sec, I just had back-to-back English and my brain feels like jelly. Who knew Shakespeare’s sonnets could be so confusing.” You sigh in exasperation, dropping your heavy bag on the desk closest to Mr. Miller’s with a thump. Rifling through it, you find your notebook and pencil case, then shuffle through the notebook for your university entrance essay drafts. With the UCAS deadline steadily approaching, you’re anxious to finish. You’re on what feels like the zillionth draft, and it’s driving you crazy. Mr. Miller noticed your frustration during your last tutoring session and encouraged you to bring it along this time so he could help. How kind of him.

You hand the drafts to Mr. Miller, who spends a few minutes reading through them, his brow furrowed in deep concentration. You watch him anxiously, your heart racing, as he writes comments in the margins. After what feels like an eternity, he hands the pages back to you. Your heart flutters at the sight of his positive feedback, the final comment punctuated with a smiley face: ‘This is great, darlin’, keep it up :)’

Warm stirs in your chest as you read over the comments, a coy smile tugging on your lips and you find yourself giddy with elation.

“Happy?” he muses, quietly pleased with your reaction. He felt good about making you happy, you deserve it after all considering the essay fiasco with Mr Hall.

“Yeah,” you respond, drawing your eyes away from the pages to meet his eyes, “I just had one question.”

His brow furrows, a little confused. “Sure, darlin’, shoot.”

“Why is it that you always call me dawrl-lin’?” you imitated his Texan drawl, narrowing your eyes. The nickname had intrigued you and you never heard him call anyone else so why not ask?

“Now, that was a terrible impression, ya need to stay in your lane.” He chortles at your inquisitiveness.

He pauses before revealing his answer.

“I only call pretty girls darlin’,” a smirk flashes on his lips, before realising what he’s implied and its implications. You feel your breath catch in the back of your throat and you suddenly feel hot.

Shit, he thinks, chastising himself. Y’done gone and crossed the line, you fuckin’ tool.

“It’s a-a Texas thing,” he attempts to justify himself, lying through his teeth. Joel's eyes widened like a deer in headlights. His mind was racing with the consequences of his behaviour. Reported. Investigated. Suspended without pay. Fired. Blacklisted from teaching. All because he couldn’t stop himself from running his mouth trying to flirt with you, and forgetting himself.

“‘m sorry if I was making you uncomfortable. I can stop if you wanna.”

In truth he didn’t wish to stop. He wished to whisper it over and over whilst he ravished your body, nibbling, biting, kissing you all over.

“It's okay, Mr Miller. I kinda like it,” you smile, glancing back at your work. You didn’t just like it though, you loved it. Texas thing or not, you were quietly delighted he’d given you a pet name that was reserved for you. He sounded so seductive whenever he called you darlin’ during class, in the corridors in between lessons, or during your one-on-ones, he had to know what he was doing, surely.

Every time darlin’ passes his lips, without fail, knots form in your tummy, affecting your ability to concentrate on occasion. Sometimes, when you were on your own late at night, save for the company of a bullet vibrator attached to your clit, the wicked imaginings of Mr Miller could and would often throw you over the precipice of bliss. You imagine him whispering darlin’ and sweet nothings in your ear whilst his calloused fingers skillfully worked with your clit before devouring your pussy as if he were starved. The thoughts of him leave you a shaking mess, forcing yourself to stifle any moans and gasps with the palm of your hand as the waves of illicit bliss ripple through you, making your cunt flutter with pleasure as you tease your sensitive bud through the aftershocks. You always felt a little shameful after the fact, unable to hold his gaze the morning after, the thoughts of Mr Miller ravishing your body still raw in your mind from the night before.

“That’s alrigh’ then. We’ll keep it that way,” he replies, quietly relieved.

She’s not gonna snitch on me, he thinks.

What a good girl.

Thank you for reading this to the end! If you enjoyed please extend a like or reblog (with a comment if you'd like, I love reading them <3) to support writers, it helps a ton!💞

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bucksdaffy · 2 months

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you know what i really love about post-first-bucktommy-meeting-pre-first-bucktommy-kiss buck? how his subconscious almost completely took over the reins.

we know that at some point off-screen in 7x03, he met tommy for the first time. we don't really know what that interaction looked like, but i think we can safely assume he introduced himself as evan buckley, and for some reason he didn't mention that everyone calls him buck. a number of external factors could have been at play here: perhaps he was interrupted by chim or eddie (honestly, i could see that), or there was simply no time or too much chaos to mention that he goes by buck (this one feels like a stretch because of another factor i'll mention in a moment, but nevertheless, it could have happened). there are also a lot of internal factors that could potentially make sense: he might have simply forgotten to mention it (but i do feel like this is the kind of information you don't really forget to touch upon, especially when it is so ingrained in your day-to-day life), he might have thought that they weren't close enough for tommy to refer to him by his nickname (which, i feel, is a huge stretch because there are plenty of instances where buck tells people he barely knows to call him buck), or he might have just not liked tommy very much (which is immediately debunked – i don't think i have to explain why this just can't be true). but there is one more internal factor that i think tracks pretty well with what we observe in 7x04: from the very first moment buck laid his eyes on tommy, he was immediately attracted to him. he looked at him as his potential love interest from the get-go. he wasn't consciously aware of it, so he probably tried to justify it in a way that made sense to him outside of the "i'm-also-attracted-to-men" aspect of it all. or perhaps he didn't wonder why he was completely fine with tommy calling him evan at all. maybe he didn't question it because, for some reason, it felt right. hell, maybe he didn't even register the "anomaly". but his subconscious mind knew the real reason why he let that happen. his subconscious mind knew the real reason why he didn't correct tommy at any point. and that is because he had always viewed him as more than a friend.

in 7x04, his subconscious mind, which was very much aware of his attraction to tommy, took over the reins on many occasions. the very first instance was him rejecting the advances of the contestants during the bachelor call. he consciously justified it as having a rule of not dating people he meets on calls. but subconsciously? tommy already had him wrapped around his finger. by that point, his eyes were on tommy and tommy only. he wasn't interested in those women flirting with him because his heart was busy trying to pursue tommy.

later on, we see that buck reached out to tommy off-screen for a tour of the harbor station. when tommy tried to get an idea of the real reason why buck wanted the tour, buck consciously justified it as wanting to see the place during the day. subconsciously, though? he was there to get to know tommy. he wanted to find some common link between them, and he wanted to spend more time with him.

his subconscious mind also completely took over when he and tommy were talking about their exes. at no point did buck indicate that the people he used to date were exclusively women. he didn't want and didn't feel the need to specify their gender. why? because his subconscious ass knew that if he had mentioned they were women, he would probably have little to no chance to pursue tommy romantically (unless he somehow managed to realize on his own that he's attracted to him – not entirely impossible but highly unlikely given that buck had to be kissed to finally get it). so he made sure not to disclose that information, keeping things as ambiguous as possible.

buck then proposed that he should buy tommy a beer. i don't know for sure if he consciously justified it in any way – it is pretty normal to go out for a beer or two with your friends, so i guess he didn't really feel the need to. but i'm pretty sure that by that point, he regarded tommy as cool and he very much wanted to be his boyfriend. i don't quite know if he consciously realized that at that stage. i honestly could see it both ways, and i don't want to make assumptions when i'm not that sure, so i'll just leave it at that.

then eddie showed up, and tommy left with him to see the fight in vegas. everyone and their mother could see how uncomfortable buck was at that moment. he was seething with jealousy. there was no conscious justification on buck's part in that moment because no one really expected any explanation from him at that point. but we later learn that he probably justified this jealousy (which continued pretty much throughout the entire episode) as tommy taking his best friend away from him. subconsciously, however? he was mad that eddie was getting more attention from tommy than he was. he didn't like that eddie was the only one taking up tommy's time. buck wanted tommy to spend time with him as well, and he really wanted him to like him. both his conscious and subconscious reasoning here apply also in the subsequent scenes of the episode: when buck was grilling eddie for information about his and tommy's time in vegas, learning that they also did some muay thai sparring at tommy's place, and that tommy worked on eddie's chevelle; when eddie said that he and tommy instantly clicked, something that buck subconsciously thought actually happened with him and tommy; when buck was hopeful that he would get invited to that karaoke bar trivia thing that eddie and tommy had planned, only for eddie to ask buck to watch chris during that time; when he was ranting to maddie about how close tommy got not only with eddie but also with chris; when he was trying to fetch an invite to the basketball game because he knew tommy would be there, trying so hard not to make it obvious that he wanted to go there only to spend time with tommy; or when he maimed eddie because him and tommy were too much of a team for his liking. buck kind of admitted to that in the scene with maddie, where he explained the most likely reason why he had hurt eddie – he felt left out seeing eddie and tommy be such good friends after only two weeks and he wanted to get his attention (again, his subconscious mind conveniently not specifying whose attention he was after).

buck both knew and didn't know what he was doing throughout this episode and why. subconsciously, he was very much aware of his feelings for tommy. and all the little smiles directed at him, the looks he gave him, his body language whenever he was around him, the way he talked about and to him, and the way he was constantly trying to get his attention only prove that.

it wasn't until tommy showed up in his loft that his conscious mind finally started piecing it all together. tommy's reassurance that he couldn't possibly replace buck in eddie's and chris's lives, although very much appreciated, for some reason wasn't quite enough. why? because buck wasn't really worried about that. it was tommy's attention he was after all this time. and he realized that when tommy disclosed his own insecurities to buck. and only when tommy kissed him did he truly understand it all. his consciousness finally tuned in to his subconscious mind, and he could finally make sense of his behavior. he finally realized what his subconscious mind was screaming at him since the very beginning: tommy was always more than a friend to him. and the journey that he took to this realization was just so beautifully crafted. it felt really rewarding to see his conscious mind finally catch up with his subconscious feelings. i can only hope that from now on, they will always go hand in hand.

#bucktommy #tevan #kinley #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 abc #911 meta

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prentissluvr · 1 year

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finding warmth [ too cold pt. two ] — joel & tommy miller

gn!reader , fatherfigures!joel & tommy , ft ellie ! , angst, hurt/comfort , cw : heavy mentions of loss of loved ones , panic attack , maybe disassociation , nightmares , wc : 3.4K , pt. one here !

“there it is. jackson.” it’s four simple words and one single view from a cliffside that manages to take your breath away.

it looks like a paradise in the middle of this hell of a world, looking down upon it from here. the protective walls are high and vast, and the cluster of buildings looks lively, though you can’t even see the people of the town from this vantage point.

you can’t tear your eyes from it, finding yourself truly speechless.

“we’ll be there in no time. it’s even better up close.” you can vaguely hear the amusement in joel’s voice as he likely takes in your astonished expression. nodding, you find it in yourself to bring your gaze back to the man sitting in front you, sending him a grateful smile.

joel isn’t completely right, though, as for you, the remainder of the ride feels somehow like both the “no time” that he promised, but also one of the longest stretches of anticipation that you’ve felt in a long, long time. much like your physical state of hypothermia the day prior, you have become accustomed to an odd state of emotional numbness, where you feel nothing but a deep sense of hopelessness. the pain of loss never left you, but for long months now, it’s manifested in the horridness of nothing. so now, to be feeling so much is an odd sensation. half of you wants to push it away in favor of self-preservation. look where feelings have gotten you. but the other part of you tugs at it, trying to pull the emotions out from where they must have been hiding. part of you yearns for it. the anticipation, both anxious and almost excited. the gratitude. the foreign feeling of a spark of hope.

what joel is completely right about is the fact that this place is far better up close. the border is higher than you imagined, and the liveliness of people in the town once you’re let in is immediately apparent. there’s far more people than you would have thought, parents and children, siblings and even people growing old. it’s overwhelming, to say the least, but it’s wonderful regardless.

as your gaze sweeps through everything, trying to take it all in, you catch tommy’s eye, and he grins at you brightly. you can’t help but return a smile, however hesitant it may be.

as promised, you’re taken to the town doctor right after dropping the horses off at the stable. you do your best not to shy away from him, wanting to stay hidden behind the two brothers who brought you here as you had on the walk over. but, you don’t have to stay long, as the doctor explains that, with joel and tommy’s help, you’re well on the mend. all he tells you is to continue to stay bundled up and avoid going outside too much.

but that brings you to your next issue. where do you stay to avoid the cold… to settle down? it seems most people aren’t alone here, and you can’t imagine it's easy for anyone to have an unknown teenager crashing in one’s home.

tommy’s kind voice quickly pulls you out of your worried thoughts, unintentionally answering your unspoken, anxiety-fueled questions. “we’ll look for a more permanent space for you to stay in, but for now, we thought you could stay in joel’s spare room for now. that sound alright to you?”

“of course,” you confirm, relieved to hear that you’ll be able to stay with someone familiar, at least for now. “thank you,” you mumble slightly as you speak.

“sure thing, kiddo. you should know that i live with another kid around your age. she’s a little,” joel pauses, searching for the right word, “fiesty,” he decides on, “but she’ll show you around town.”

“if either of them get too annoying,” tommy refers to his brother and this girl he lives with, who you’d assume to be his daughter, but he never said anything about that like one normally would, so you let that thought slide, focusing in on tommy’s playful tone, “then you can come find me right across the street. my wife’ll knock some sense into them,” he chuckles. you return a small laugh, grateful for his willingness to joke around in attempts to make you feel more comfortable.

but you can’t bring yourself to open up like him, so you settle on what you hope is an amicable, “alright,” using the single word as an acknowledgement to both joel’s previous statement and tommy’s joke.

by the time you’re settled in joel’s spare room, it’s almost time for dinner, the sun dipping lower and lower by the minute. sitting on the edge of the ricketty twin sized bed, a luxury you haven’t had in who knows how long, you replay your introduction to ellie.

something had felt a little bit odd, almost as if she were the one that felt protective over joel. she wasn’t mean, per se, but she hadn’t felt the most welcoming, as if she were wary of you and what your presence could mean. you couldn’t blame her, though, you agreed one could never be too careful in this world. she did seem to relax when joel told her you’d only be staying with them temporarily. another thing you couldn’t figure out was their relationship. they acted like family, father and daughter, but again, those words were never said. she only called him joel.

that was another thing you easily let slide, though, silently understanding. you knew what it was like for someone who shared none of your blood to be more like family than anyone who technically was. and you knew what it was like to lose them, so you couldn’t blame ellie’s hesitation at joel bringing in some random, shivering kid like yourself who’s clearly relying on him.

you begin to wonder if it would have been better to stay with tommy, but you remind yourself he’s probably busy with his wife and baby. there was another thing that astounded you about this place. he has a baby. and that baby is safe here, has a chance to grow up in a way kids haven’t for more than twenty years. almost normal, or what used to be normal. of course, you’d know nothing about that. your normal, what you know is ellie’s normal, is fear and caution and limitations.

now suddenly, impossibly overwhelmingly, there’s so much more for you. people who have thus far proven good in their intentions, who have cared enough to protect you, help you. there’s safety surrounding you, and in that, an inch of freedom to have things. here, kids go to school, and, according to joel, it’s nothing like fedra school. they have a library, for god’s sake. as you walked past it, tommy told you that it’s really quite small, nothing like what they used to have. but it’s gotta be more than you’ve ever had access to.

it’s amazing. so much so, it’s almost too much. too much to process how much your life has changed in just days, how much easier you thought it would ever to have a sense of hope crawling its way back up your throat.

there’s a knock on your door, and someone clears their throat from the hallway.

“come in,” you said, hoping there’s nothing on your face that betrays how much you’re thinking about right now.

the door creaks open, just enough for joel to poke his head in. “thought we could go grab some dinner? just realized we didn’t feed you all that well on the way over.”

“sounds great.” you hadn’t realized either, used to the hunger. but at the mention, or rather the promise of food, you can’t help but water at the mouth.

i’m starving, you realize, and maybe for more than just food.

—

out of everything wonderful and new, your favorite place is by far the mess hall. that’s part of the reason why you’re so delighted when ellie invites you to go to lunch with her. that and the fact that, for the past two weeks, you’ve been juggling with the idea that maybe she hates you.

of course, that’s not fair of you to think, and you know it, especially not as she’s begun to warm up to you the past few days. you feel as though you understand at least a little bit why she hasn’t been as warm to you as tommy and joel have been. but you can’t help yourself in wanting her to like you. she’s similar in age to you, and she seems enjoyable to be around with the way she teases joel about whatever she can and makes him cringe with bad jokes.

so yes, you may feel a little overly excited when she knocks on your door and asks if you want to go grab lunch together. of course, you don’t act out half as much as you feel, feeling consistently better staying quiet and edging on unreadable. but, you still shoot her a small smile as you accept her invitation, even if you feel like she may be saying it just because joel asked her to.

you don’t care though, happily trudging along to the mess hall, excited for both food and the opportunity to make ellie like you just a little bit.

when you sit down, plates full of food, the conversation is a little bit awkward, but it’s there nonetheless. she asks you about how you feel about jackson, and you try not to let on how complicated everything feels in your head.

but it seems she picks up on a hint of all the things you’re not saying, and that seems to make her open up a bit more.

“i know it’s a lot coming here after… yknow, all the shit out there. it’s great, but it’s still strange,” she starts. “might sound crazy, but i still feel out of place here sometimes,” she admits.

you nod, taking in her words, grateful for her assurance. “yeah. it is weird,” you agree.

she mirrors the same shake of your head. “so, uh. if you ever need any help finding your way or anything…” she clears her throat as if she’s unsure of her words, “you can ask me,” her voice quickly returns to the confidence and playfulness it normally holds, “that way you don’t have to rely on crabby old dudes like joel and tommy.”

you let yourself laugh at that. “thank you,” you smile, hoping she can see how much you mean it.

the rest of the meal flows far more easily than you expected, the conversation turning to more casual subjects. she even cracks one of her awful jokes, but you can’t bring yourself to complain about it because for some reason it feels like it means something. not much, but something, like she sees you as someone she can share a part of herself with, even if it’s small. so when she makes the corniest joke you may have ever heard, you just grin and cringe a little. and that makes her laugh, which makes you smile harder.

so maybe that’s why, walking down the streets back home, she feels more like a friend than the stranger you met not too long ago.

that’s when the foreign feeling of contentedness—the one that’s just begun to try and seep into your thawing heart—is ripped away, as if it’s a leech sucking up your once constant caution.

all it takes is the poorly timed yell of a name along with a shrill shriek to take your breath away. this time you’re not in awe of the safety of this place. this time, you’ve been taken back to the most dangerous of your memories.

you freeze in place, so silent that ellie doesn’t even notice that you’re not walking with her for a moment. she stops in her tracks, turning back to you with a confused expression. but by the time she’s back in front of you, asking if you’re okay, her voice is already distant.

you’re trying to explain to yourself what happened. someone yelled that name, but it’s not her. her name, yes, but not her. she’s dead now. and the scream. that came from a playing child, one you’re sure was just too excited by a game of tag.

but it’s no use, not when you’re already too far gone, with flashes of bloody fighting and echoes of horrified screams battering your senses and detaching you from reality. all you know is that you’re fighting to breathe, and you feel as though you’re drowning right out in the open.

you stumble forward, and you’re vaguely aware of ellie leading you to a pole to lean on. she’s trying to tell you that you’re alright, but your memories drown out anything she says. another blurry figure appears in front of you, and somehow when he calls your name, it cuts through your senses, crystal clear.

“you’re alright,” he says, such assurance filling his voice that it almost convinces you too. then you’re able to think, it’s tommy. “you’re safe here. you’re not there anymore.”

you gasp at his words, reaching out to him with the hand not gripping the pole. immediately, he steps closer, and your hand latches onto his upper arm while his softly holds your elbow. in the back of your mind it feels unnatural for you to fall into his embrace the way that you do, but the part of you that craves comfort takes over in this moment. he’s warm and his shoulders are broad, and it’s as if his presence blocks out everything else. that’s what lets your mind quiet, your breathing even out.

when you part and he wipes gently at your tears for just a quick moment, that’s when embarrassment hits. you feel more than awkward, and a little uncomfortable with this sort of display of vulnerability, and yet a piece of you still embraces the thought of allowing the results of it into your life. you already crave his embrace again, you know you’ll want it when the nightmares come.

but nonetheless, you put your head up high and try to keep your voice firm as if to convince everyone that, yes, you’re alright and you’re no longer weak. in reality, you still feel shaken. it’s been a while since you’ve relived that night like that. it seems that letting go of your numbness brings back everything, including the most unwelcome.

back in your room, cooped up there even as the sun begins to set, you battle with yourself. you don’t want to let go of the things that you’re finding along with the warmth that’s beginning to replace the cold that had settled in your bones. but you don’t want to have anything to lose. when you’re warm, there’s always the chance to lose it, never safe from blizzards or blades.

you know practically that it’s far safer here than anywhere else, that here you have the best chance of holding onto something and having it stay heavy in your hands.

but you ignore it all when ellie knocks on your door, then when joel calls out to you from the hallway, asking for you to come out and have dinner with them. and you fall asleep thinking that it’s best if tommy never hugs you again, if you never share the saddle on a horse with joel another time.

—

and yet, you were right in your prediction; that when the nightmares came, you’d crave to be held in arms that felt like they cared, the very same way you had been months and months ago before you lost it all.

that’s the scariest part, waking up in a cold sweat, your heart beating a million miles an hour, and realizing that no matter what happens, no matter how much you lose and tell yourself you’ll never let anyone caring for you mean anything, you still want to be held. because you’re afraid, you’re bewildered, and you can’t remember where the hell you are. but you know someone outside of that door cares and that’s what pulls you out of the bed and into the hallway, stumbling and out of breath. you’re not even sure who, or why, but the people you loved most just died in your dreams, so you don’t care. maybe it’s them, maybe it’s all just a nightmare. you dare to hope and it seems as though that’s always your fatal mistake.

firm hands on your shoulders make you jolt in surprise, then fear. the hoarse scream that follows startles you too until you realize the sound came from your own mouth. there’s a gruff voice, saying your name softly, hushing you, telling you you’re alright. it’s not them, you realize. and they are dead. they have been.

“joel?” you croak out, half sobbing as he comes into focus. you hadn’t realized before, but your hands cling to fistfuls of his sleeping shirt.

“i’m here, it’s me. you’re alright. everything’s alright, kiddo,” his voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it, but it still retains that firmness that begins to ground you. but you shake your head as he pulls you into his chest, grieving for things that you lost all over again. he sighs like he knows what you mean. you suppose he does though, because it’s hard to meet someone who hasn’t lost something they never thought they could. so instead of lying and saying that it’s fine, he says, “i’m sorry,” and you know that he is, but not in the way that stings and makes you think, you have no idea. the tone of his voice tells you he has every idea, knows it all, lost it all.

and so it feels less pitiful to cry into his arms, even when you know that ellie came out of her room after your scream woke her up. even when your chest still wars at you, yelling to pull away, to run away, as far as you can. that you’re not allowed to have this anymore, all for the same reason as before; you can’t lose nothing. but you know that you hate having nothing, and that there’s something right in front of you, all around you, that’s being offered up like warm food on a silver platter. and when you’re hungry and cold, there’s nothing wrong, no, there is everything right in taking the offer and saying thank you.

so you do.

“thank you,” you whisper into his chest as your tears begin to subside, and in that moment you don’t know that he wishes there was a way to say “of course,” and have you know just how much he means it.

“course,” he says simply, and it makes you sigh into his embrace so he feels a little better about it, because you’ve relaxed in his arms just a bit. even as you’re no longer crying, he lets you stay there, he doesn’t want to take away his warmth without you being ready to part first. so he waits and eyes ellie’s door, knowing she left it slightly open in case you need anything, and knowing she’ll want his reassurance that she’s still his after seeing you in his arms. but the crack in the door still tells him she cares enough about you to let him take care of you first.

so he does.

he rubs your back, and lets the air be silent, quiet just for you. and when you pull away from him, just a little, he takes a small step back and puts a hand on your back to guide you back into your room. he pulls the covers up when you climb in bed and doesn’t say anything he knows you don’t want him to. all he tells you is that he’ll be right back with a cup of water and a snack for you. and when comes back, he just sets it on the bedside table for you, and doesn't push you to eat or drink. when he makes his way back to your door, he stops in the frame and tries to sound like it's normal to tell you to come get him if you need anything, and that there’s no shame if you do.

he just wants you to know he’s there to help. luckily for you, and luckily for him, you do know, and you try to fall asleep with that weighing on your heart. you want to accept that the weight is far better, far warmer, than nothing.

—

thank you for everyone who asked to be tagged !! i hope you all enjoy part two as much as, if not more than, you did part one !! @taraiel , @lizlil , @your-shifting-gurl, @thetiredtoad0-0, @groggygrogu, @ackermanbitch, @midgetpottermills, @lovelyygirl8, @s0upm1x, @imonmykneessir, @cozyphine [ bold i couldn't tag ! ]

i won't be doing a part three but i likely will do drabbles from this universe later !! <33 thanks for the love on part one <33

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