#also I could probably clean this up but I need to go!
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This is excellent advice for the treatment (or apparent maltreatment, in linen's case) of natural fabrics.
Here's some additional info based on personal experience over many decades and numerous ways of doing laundry from ancient (well, early 1960s) to modern.
Wool. A splendid outer layer, since rain sits on rather than soaks in, but needs care when washing, and even more when drying. Don't wash a woollen garment on Hot, and definitely don't dry it that way. If you do, your favourite woolly pully will shrink to something for a child, and a child's woolly pully into something for a doll. I have done this, and it was not well appreciated except, way way back, by my small sister and presumably by her nattily pullovered favourite doll.
Cotton. Will indeed shrink a bit after washing and drying, but fortunately will stretch again during wear. Can be washed very hot to get rid of Those Annoying Stains, and by Very Hot I mean boiled. It'll still stretch back - eventually - and although sometimes uncomfortably snug during the stretching process, will nevertheless be nice and clean.
Silk. Usually expensive, so accordingly laundered with probably more care than it needs, since this is a fabric once used (in many layers, granted) as armour. Does Not Chafe, which is why it was worn as scarves by fighter pilots who had to keep turning their heads in case of The Hun In The Sun. "Silk hiding steel" is appropriate, because a lady with a HermƩs (not "an 'ermes", you pronounce the H) silk scarf and something to weigh it with is not as unarmed as she seems.
Linen. The 600lb gorilla of the fabric world, only bettered by hemp. Can have a weave tight enough to carry water without dripping - especially after the weave soaks and swells - and a tensile strength enough to carry pounds and kilos of it. (You can still buy collapsible "canvas" - usually linen or hemp - buckets...) @dduane and I inherited a lot of Irish Linen from my Mum, some still in original boxes with original washing instructions. Those instructions were, more or less, "rub soap into stubborn stains, scrub thoroughly and boil until clean".
Where linen and hemp fabrics are concerned...
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Even though she had a succession of increasingly modern washing machines, Mum also had and occasionally used - or more accurately supervised my use of - some quite old-fashioned laundry equipment.
Linens with stubborn stains were indeed scrubbed thoroughly, using a block of hard soap then a washboard, and an impressive abs workout it was...
Then the scrubbed stuff was boil-washed in Mum's washing machine (which could reach a genuine 100Ā°C rolling boil) before being rinsed, passed through the mangle (or wringer, more in this post) and pegged out on the washing-line to dry.
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As i hunted up illustrations I (re-)discovered a Terry Pratchett Discworld connection. Remember the "copper stick" used by Granny and Nanny to summon the demon in "Wyrd Sisters"?
"What are you going to try?" said Granny. Since they were on Nanny's territory, the choice was entirely up to her. "I always say you can't go wrong with a good Invocation," said Nanny. "Haven't done one for years." Granny Weatherwax frowned. Magrat said, "Oh, but you can't. Not here. You need a cauldron, and a magic sword. And an octogram. And spices, and all sorts of stuff." Granny and Nanny exchanged glances. "It's not her fault," said Granny. "It's all them grimmers she was bought." She turned to Magrat. "You don't need none of that," she said. "You need headology." She looked around the ancient washroom. "You just use whatever you've got," she said. She picked up the bleached copper stick, and weighed it thoughtfully in her hand. "We conjure and abjure thee by means of thisā" Granny hardly paused ā "sharp and terrible copper stick."
It's one of these, not made OF copper but meant for use IN a copper.
Mum had one, originally Granny's, which kept getting pinched to play the role of sword, baton or whatever, though its official purpose was to stir, untangle and finally remove laundry which had been boiled in a "laundry copper":
This one shows how it straddled two gas jets, but Nanny Ogg's copper had a fireplace space under the actual cauldron (though in summer she used it as a beer cooler).
These cauldrons were still called "coppers" even when more cheaply made of iron. It's another instance of how vacuum cleaners became "hoovers" and sticking-plasters became "band-aids" etc., etc., no matter what brand they really were.
"Boil", however, wasn't a figurative term. It meant what it said, and those thoroughly scrubbed linens (cottons, too) would bubble merrily for quite a while "until clean".
Coppers were also used for cooking, with perhaps the most famous literary instance being chez Cratchit in "A Christmas Carol":
āA great deal of steam! The pudding was out of the copper. A smell like a washing-day! That was the cloth. A smell like an eating-house and a pastry-cookās next door to each other, with a laundressās next door to that! That was the pudding!"
Mum initially had a separate electric boiler - IIRC it was Burco brand, which still makes much smaller boilers for catering, though ours was never used for anything except laundry - but mostly I remember the boil being done in her washing machine.
More modern machines only go to 90-95Ā°C, sometimes just 60Ā°C, but when her Hoover was running at full belt, things got as lively as any pot on a hob even before the agitator started churning. Never mind closing its lid to avoid mess, when a boil-wash was taking place that lid was also a needful safety precaution against scalding splashes.
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Removal by copper stick was superseded by use of tongs, and Mum had a set just like these...
...though I don't think hers had such an apt name.
Stirring with the copper stick was replaced by washing with a posser, which pumped up and down, or a washing dolly, which rotated.
Both actions have been replicated by washing-machines, and though variants of the dolly rotation became almost standard in tub washers, the posser did appear in an early 20th-century hand-operated machine...
...as well as the Frigidaire "Jet Cone" washer...
...whose action, TBH, reminds me of certain non-laundry gadgets I saw many years ago in The Pleasure Chest on Santa Monica... :-P
youtube
Modernised possers or even original designs are still available today.
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Whenever you read in stories about avoiding trouble with laundresses, those devices along with scrubbing, wringing out and cranking mangles are why. Regular workouts with laundry equipment gave them the sort of muscles nobody wanted to provoke.
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I've already mentioned "A Christmas Carol" and, given the time of year (posted 22nd December 2024) this ought to end with another one, so...
As shepherds washed their socks by night, All seated round the tub, A bar of Sunlight soap came down And they began to scrub...
You're welcome.
:->
Here, a cheater course on caring for natural fibers!
1. Wool. Treat it like it has the delicate constitution of a Victorian lady and the conviction that baths are evil of a 17th century noble. (If I get in WATER my PORES will OPEN and I will CATCH ILL AND DIE.)
2. Cotton; easygoing. Will shrink a bit if washed and dried hot.
3. Silk; people think itās like wool and has the constitution of a fashionably dying of consumption Victorian lady, but actually itās quite tough. Can be washed in an ordinary washer, and either tumbled dry without heat or hung to dry.
4. Linen; it doesnāt give a shit. Beat the hell out of it. Historically was laundered by dousing it in lye and beating the shit out of it with wooden paddles, which only makes it look better. The masochist of the natural fiber world. Beat the fuck out of it linen doesnāt care. Considerably stronger than cotton. Linen sheet sets can last literal decades in more or less pristine shape because of that strength.The most likely natural fiber to own a ball gag.
#fabric care#period laundry#social history#anecdotage#GNU Terry Pratchett#Discworld#Wyrd Sisters#Youtube
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FREAKY FRIDAY
SOMI X READER - FT. CHAEYOUNG
TAGS: BODY SWAPPING
2.1K WORDS
āLetās go to my placeā you asked your girlfriend after your anniversary date. You give her a playful smile, hinting what you really meant. Chaeyoung who switched bodies with Somi panics. āI-Iāll ask Somi first,ā Chaeyoung said. āWhat?ā Your reaction made Chaeyoung realize her mistake. āI need to go to the restroomā she is in a hurry to call her bestfriend. āSomi! Can I spend the night with your boyfriend?ā
āWhat do you mean?ā Somi acts confused even though she knows where this will lead. āHe asked if we could go to his place,ā Chaeyoung explained. Somi took a moment to respond. She does not like the idea that her best friend could have sex with her boyfriend, even if sheās using her body. But itās your anniversary, it feels wrong to deprive her boyfriend of a great night. āJ-just still act like youāre me,ā Somi says. āNo! No! I would feel guilty!ā Chaeyoung does not like the plan. āYouāre still in my body, stupid!ā Somi mocks Chaeyoungās moral compass.
Chaeyoung slowly walks back to your table. āLetās go,ā she said. Walking home, she doesnāt know how her bestfriend acts with her boyfriend. āIs Somi clingy like me? A question echoes through her mind. You are walking beside her, feeling puzzled by your girlfriendās behavior. Her mind seems off to somewhere and not with you. āIs something wrong?ā You asked your girlfriend, wanting to know whatās in her mind. Chaeyoung realized that she canāt go on like this. She needs to act like she is the real Somi. She hugs your arm while still walking. āNothing, just work stuff,ā she said in a cutesy tone.
Your girlfriend didnāt act like this before. She would just hold your hand while walking or whenever you are in public. She also doesnāt change her voice to act cute to you. She may act strange but you canāt say you didnāt like this change in her behavior. You open the door in your apartment. Chaeyoung looks around the room, this is her first time in here. āLook how clean my room is!ā You boast to her. Some always criticized how messy your place is but you put the effort into cleaning it for your anniversary. āGood to know! Itās not a mess in here anymore,ā Chaeyoung put it together, even though she got criticized by Somi before due to the same thing.
āI really like your boobs, I wish I could have a busty body like you,ā Chaeyoung said while looking at their photos from a photo booth. Somi has a great curve from her nice boobs and fat ass that compliments her tall frame. āWhat! I wish to have a petite body like you!ā Somi blurted out. She admires how alluring Chaeyoungās petite body is. The two continue to exchange compliments while sitting in a Chinese restaurant, not knowing their life will change due to their desires. The two girls head to Somiās flat. Chaeyoung has been a regular in her place where she now has a dedicated closet to leave her clothes. The two share a conversation in bed until they both sleep the night away.
A sunlight that slips past the curtains woke Chaeyoung first. She looks at the other girl who has her back turned on her. Checking her phone, itās already 8 am. Slowly standing up, Chaeyoung goes to the restroom half awake. Sheās sitting in the toilet, looking down on her seemingly long legs. She didnāt notice her now longer limbs. Standing up to wash her face. She saw Somi in the reflection. āOh youāre also awakeā she said. Chaeyoung looks confused that she canāt see her face in the mirror. She thought that it's just probably that sheās still half awake. She washes her face with water to wake up her senses. She can still only see Somi in the reflection but now has a wet face. Chaeyoung shouts in shock at what's happening.
Somi got woken up by the loud scream of the short girl. She sat up at the bed, demanding an explanation with the early commotion. She saw her body standing just outside of the restroom door. Chaeyoung finally saw her body which was still in the bed. Somi even screams louder in shock. Somi walks fast toward her body. The two look flabbergasted while looking at their own faces. āIs that you, Chaeyoung?ā Somi asked while holding her own face. āYes I am, youāre Somi right?ā She said while holding her body. The two instinctive look in the mirror to have a better sense of whatās happening. āYouāre in my bodyā Somi finally concluded. āDid we switch bodies?ā Chaeyoung added.
You guided Chaeyoung in the living area. The two of you sit on the couch with the sexual tension growing by the second. āIām in Somiās body so itās okay,ā Chaeyoung repeats the phrase in her head, convincing herself that this is okay. She also reminded herself that she is not new to hooking up with strangers. She should treat this situation like just a regular hook up. You noticed that your girlfriend is finally at ease. You hold her cheeks to turn her face towards you. You lean slowly for a kiss which Chaeyoung reciprocates. The two of you exchange slow kisses until both tongues join. You felt the familiar lips of Somi but something is different. Her kisses are more passionate, sheās not waiting for you to initiate, sheās the one inviting you to more kisses. You wonder where your girlfriend learned this. It creeps to your mind that she might be cheating but you know her well. She may have learned this with her friends as she shares to you the things her friends told her about their sexual awakenings.
Chaeyoung leans her body more towards you causing you to lay down on the couch. She positions Somiās hips directly on top of your forming bulge. Somi hasnāt done this before. Your girlfriend usually pulls you on top, wanting you to press your body onto her. Somi lets you dominate her but tonight is a different case. Somiās hand finds your face, holding it to kiss you deeper. Somiās tongue slithered deep in your mouth, intertwining your tongue. Somi also never used this much tongue before in her kisses. She is more of a lip kiss person. She loves the feeling of both of your lips sucking one another even biting your lower lip occasionally.
Chaeyoung pulls away from a kiss with a bough of your mouth are a wet mess. Chaeyoung got turned on by the sloppy makeout session, brushing aside that sheās still in Somiās body. Chaeyoung moves down to your legs until she finds herself in between them. Somiās hands touch your legs over your pants, slowly creeping towards your visible big bulge. You want to help her out by removing your pants by yourself but she taps your hands away. Chaeyoung notices that your cock might be bigger than most people based on the huge bulge on your pants. Somiās tongue slowly licks the huge bulge. You may not feel much as you still have your pants but the erotic scene that you just saw is more than enough to increase your libido. Chaeyoung felt your hard cock pulsating under your pants. Somi smirks as she feels validated on how hard cock is now. Somiās hand reached into your pants unbuttoning it while her teeth found your zipper pulling it down to reveal your stretch underwear.
She canāt help but to fantasize about how big your cock really is. She uses Somiās mouth again to pull down your underwear. Your huge fat cock springs up to slap her face. She remembers Somi telling her that you are also half western - half Asian like her. Somi also said that you might not look like one but you definitely are in the right āparts.ā Your huge fat cock almost covers half of Somiās face. āIām so-,ā you're about to apologize for hitting her face with your cock. But Chaeyoung just holds your huge cock and uses it to slap Somiās face with it. Somi doesnāt like your cock touching her face even giving her a facial is prohibited. Sheās very conscious about her face and how smooth she is. She thinks that your cock and your cum will harm her flawless face thus she is cautious when giving you a blowjob.
Chaeyoung hits Somiās face with your cock a few more times before she starts to tap it in her lips. She smiles before licking the tip of your huge cock. Your tip is also bigger than an average cock, almost looking like a small fist that will destroy her insides. Somiās tongue continues to twirl on all sides of your tip until itās all wet. She holds your cock with two hands in preparation of putting it inside her mouth. Chaeyoung successfully sucks a third of your cock but itās already touching her throat. She removes your cock in her mouth to catch some air. She realized that Somi's mouth is smaller than hers, the sheer size of your cock also didnāt make things easy for her. She moves down to your balls, sucking them before giving your shaft a lick from the bottom up to your tip. She also licks the sides of your shaft, lubricating them for her to swallow all of it. Her ego would not let her give up that easily. She may be in Somiās body but that doesnāt mean she has Somiās limitations. Chaeyoung tries to deepthroat your huge cock again. Your fat cock reaches her again but instead of pulling back. She forcefully plunges her face deeper in your cock. The two of you left a groan as you both felt how Somiās throat got stretched by your fat cock.
Somi looks like a mess like you have never seen before. Tears are forming through her bloodshot eyes. Her mouth is filled with drool as your cock is still deep in her throat. This is the deeper your cock reaches her tight throat. You did not know that your girlfriend can be this messy. Chaeyoung tried to move her face back and forth but your fat cock is blocking the airway. She let go of your saliva filled cock to catch her breath. She felt drools drop down to her boobs. That's when she remembers what Somiās body has; a nice pair of tits. She instructed you to sit straight on the couch while she removed her top to reveal her well shaped boobs. She kneeled in front of you, putting your cock in between her boobs. Your cock is still wet enough that it lubricates her boobs as well. Somiās boobs have the perfect balance of size and shape. Her rounded boobs hide the fact of how soft they really are. Somiās mouth catches the tip of your cock. Somi continues sucks the tip of your cock while your shaft is being pressed in between her soft boobs.
Chaeyoung uses Somiās tongue again. She alternately swirls her tongue on your tip before sucking it again. She made sure to make a sloppy slurping sound for you to hear how much she likes sucking your fat cock. Your cock twitches, you know that if she continues to suck your cock like this, you canāt help but to bust on her mouth. You tap her head signaling her to slow down. āYou learn this from Chaeyoung right?ā Chaeyoung was surprised with your sudden remarks. āI heard from her past partners that sheās a great sucker,ā you added. A smile forms in Somiās mouth. She didnāt know that her exes go around town telling how great her mouth is. āWant to have a threesome with her?ā Chaeyoung asked teasingly. āC-can we? Would you get mad?ā This is the first time your girlfriend brings up a threesome idea. āIāll think about it,ā Chaeyoung says before she continues to suck your fat cock. Your fat cock is still near to bust and she knows it. She bobs her head up and down while she sucks your cock so tightly you can see her cheeks caving in. Chaeyoung felt your cock twitch again, she removed your cock in her mouth and directed it in her Somiās face. Spurts of cum hit her soft face from her forehead to her nose bridge down her lips and chin. Somiās untouched face is now covered with loads of your cum. She gets a hold of your cock again, using it to smear your cum all over her face. She canāt hide how mesmerized she is with your fat cock as she continues to slap it in Somiās mouth. You hang your head back to take a breath. You havenāt cum this much for a long time. You feel your girlfriend leave your cock, you look back up to see Somiās boobs are dangling while removing her pants. She smiles as she slowly walks back to you.
#reader smut#k pop smut#twice smut#twice x reader#chaeyoung smut#chaeyoung x reader#somi smut#somi x reader
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as a stanley girl, there is SO MUCH MORE ford content. and it's 100% because he is "more handsome" (read it as the journal 3 passage where he writes "what is a silver fox??? people are calling me that......"
I also have another take: I think it also has to do with their body type. ford doesn't have a protuding belly and looks slimmer, while stan has a big belly, doesn't hide it, and when he does, he explicitly tells it's a girdle. cowards. afraid of this old man's delicious stomach š«¦š«¦š«¦
This is actually a really interesting point that I hadn't considered before.
I'm going to use this as a chance to analyse because I think it's quite interesting and I can't shut up about these old fuckers. Sorry.
And by the way, Ford repeatedly being referred to as being 'hot' always made me laugh because they're literally twins and it would piss me tf off if I was Stan.
(I am also speaking in big, broad brush strokes about the way in which they're received by the audience and portrayed in the show here, by the way. Very generally.)
The main difference between them I think is that Stan is portrayed as someone who 'didn't take care of himself' because he smoked heavily, drank, and was generally portrayed as quite 'grimy'.
But I would hasten to add that being homeless and having a rough life will make you like that to some extent, and that's not an effect of 'not taking care of yourself' so much as it is one of having to survive in any shape you can.
To be clear, I'm not saying you're bad or 'grimy' if you are/have been those things, I'm saying people often portray or view you as such when you've really just had to adapt and be like that to survive. You'll develop certain ways of being because of the people you're around (who usually tend to be hardened themselves) or even the people that you're not around, in the sense of social isolation. You'll probably drink or smoke or do drugs to cope, and all of those things age you dramatically. As does stress and trauma. You don't have anywhere to shower or stay clean. You don't have anywhere to get healthcare. You don't have anything. You lose access to so much that most people take for granted.
In terms of physicality:
Ford had to work out and try to take of himself to an extent because he needed to stay on the run and was moving around a lot. I hold this hc that interdimensional travel takes a HUGE toll on the human body and, like an astronaut would, it was imperative for him to stay in good shape or else he physically wouldn't be able to go on. He also had the astronomical intelligence level to craft food sources or find alternatives, and would have help from other beings along the way. I don't for a second think he survived entirely on his own and we do know that's true because he tells us so in the journal.
Stan survived in a very different way. He did survive totally alone. He had no one at all. He was likely depressed and being homeless meant he had no money, so, for example, he would have lived on a shitty diet of whatever he could get his hands on. When you're dirt poor, calories matter. Like, a lot. He never would have known where his next meal was coming from. He'd have been packing on weight with dogshit food and he'd have had to do it fast, but then you grow into bad dietary habits and it becomes harder to shift off when you become stationary or more consistent in income.
So he would have gained weight and kept it on like a life preserve, but he also wouldn't have had much need to work out to get rid of it once he was more settled, plus depression in general can add to weight gain, too.
Both of them are portrayed as quite stocky guys, as well. They're very broad and chunky in general, so their body type is kind of inclined to hold weight like that too.
Personality wise, Ford has traits that are probably seen as more 'admirable' or attractive by a general audience, in the sense that he is intelligent (booksmart, at least) and driven, he's noble in his cause and he's successful. He's portrayed as being 'proper'.
Stan, however, is portrayed as having traits that are inherently negative such as that he's dumb (he's not, he's very street smart and that IS intelligence, don't let anyone tell you it isn't!), he's a criminal, he's rough around the edges and coarse, he's kind gross, he's a failure, etc. He's portrayed at large as a Loser. His redeeming quality is that eventually, he's considered loveable.
I think it's the combo of their looks/bodies and their personalities seals the deal for a lot of people. One is seen as slim and smart and successful, whereas the other is fat and 'grimy' and a cantankerous ass.
We don't have to like someone to fuck them, but generally we do need to be attracted physically to them to fuck them.
Ford is seen as unlikeable in personality, whereas Stan is seen as unlikeable in looks. Stan is just emotionally more redeemable because we see his redemption and more of his backstory. Ford is just considered by a lot of people as big and sad and fuckable lmao
I, personally, don't think that when you truly look at them both in the light, that you can boil them down to those few traits. They are very complicated and layered, and while they do retain those points, the above is kind of 'how do they seem at a passing glance' or 'how do they seem from an immediate attraction point of view'.
Anyway, I do agree that Stan's body type and personality is viewed less favourably to Ford's because he's put forward as being grotesque, and for one thing, fat is generally accepted as something that equals being gross.
That's not to say I'm waving a stick being like 'waaah this was done on purpose it's fatphobic that they made Stan like that', I think their designs are purposeful but that they're done like that to show to an audience that Stan has lived a sedentary life since he stopped being homeless whereas Ford has been in motion constantly for 30 years.
I have no idea about how character design works, I'm thinking about how they'd look if I were writing about them as my original characters and I needed to portray their personalities/lives to my audience without showing them too much of their backstories up front.
Anyways, I think they're both dreamboats. Fat or thin. Don't give a fuck. I need them.
#I have no idea if this makes sense the brain fog is really bad today#forgive me#stan asks#ford asks#asks#anon#anyway I'll feed the Stan fans too don't you worry#i got plans for youse
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ā And do you or do you not have difficulty remembering such simple instructions? ā Only during thunderstorms, sir.
THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965) / DARK SHADOWS (1966)
#don't mind me just absolutely insane about the possibility (probability!) that vicki saw tsom the year before coming to collinwood.#the boom mic in the stairs shot is always cracking me up.#finally me and you and you and me just us and your friend steve (the boom mic operator)#ā¤ roger collins & victoria winters. ā pain sometimes precedes pleasureļ¼miss winters.#gifs.#ā¤ edits & art. ā the evans cottage art gallery.#ā¤ roger collins. ā I and my ghosts want a drink.#ā¤ victoria winters. ā because sheās lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#there's obviously far; far less of a christian overtone in ds ļæ½ļæ½ but i wonder if you couldn't make the argument that it isn't also#on some level about belief?#belief; namely; in the ghosts that roger resists and vicki with both arms embraces;#faith in the not-so-minor deity liz stoddard; choosing to follow her doctrine even in the face of conflicting truth.#one might consider collinsport a faithful congregation taking sermons from the mount ā from the mouth of the reclusive ascetic;#conveyed by loyal (devastatingly; sacrificially loyal) disciples.#and vicki; searching for belonging; for a home; for a family; falls very lamb-like into the flock.#all old gods of course demand their sacrifices in blood: burke; namely; but also matthew; bill; roger (so-attempted)#if i were pushing it (which I always am) you could go so far as to say collinwood's son rises from the tomb.#''but the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night'' etc etc. demanding; first; sacrificial livestock; then virgin blood.#anyway! I digress.#''they say confession is good for the soul. well; my soul needs purifying.''#vicki as the prototypical virgin ā the clean slate without history; clear water with neither dirt nor blood ā#in which roger cleanses himself (somewhat forcefully!); to wash away guilt and suspicion;#the force of virtue that prevents the intrusion of sin; either through the wood of the confessional or very literally at her bedroom door.#''an innate sense of goodness'' etc; besides being something of a conduit between this world and the next:#re. the seances; the appearances of josette and bill; the various and varied encounters with supernatural; the time travel;#as one might expect of an angel ... or a saint. and one could argue that she goes on to restore roger's faith ā#if not in the goodness of the world at large; then the existence of goodness; or in the worth of belief itself.#anyway. long way of saying i love man x his governess whether it's catholic or satanic. sign me up.
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every day i post about how i don't want to work. well. today,
#i also still don't want to work.#I NEED TO DROWN ALL MY RESPONSIBILITIES SO I CAN PLAY PRETEND.#i was happiest as a child even when i was going thru hell because at least i could just play pretend all day.#like. after work i need to. get groceries probably. clean out the fridge. clean up the house. go to compass. call my brother. etc etc.#but consider: what if i did none of those things and just laid in bed and daydreamed and sometimes wrote or made webweave collages.#izzy.txt
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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Lucifer sighed and sat back at the table, and started cleaning his guns.
Lucifer: You're going to have to get used to killing, sorry to say. It's kind of what we do.
Charlie cringed and looked away: I guessed that... what was your first kill?
Lucifer: ...A friend. She got injured... if I didn't kill her, she would have put a lot of people in danger. It hurt. But I had to.
Charlie: That must have been hard...
Lucifer shrugged: It's what had to be done. It doesn't matter how I felt about it.
Charlie: ...What was Adam's first kill?
Lucifer: You'll have to ask him that. But, it was most likely in Hell.
Charlie: Hell? He was in Hell?
Lucifer: That's his story to tell, not mine.
Charlie nodded. She wasn't sure how to approach that with Adam. Maybe she never would.
She watched Lucifer for nearly an hour, cleaning his guns. Once he got to a black pistol, he stopped and looked at Charlie.
Lucifer: You've been watching...?
Charlie snapped up and nodded: Yes.
Lucifer: Good. Clean this.
He slid over the black pistol, and it stopped just in front of Charlie. Luckily, she was paying attention for a few minutes.
She unloaded the gun and put the safety on, just in case.
Lucifer watched Charlie as she pulled apart the gun and cleaned it. He was actually impressed.
Lucifer: Not bad. Now, out it back together. Once you're done, we'll head outside.
Charlie: Outside? Why?
Lucifer stood and stretched: We can't practice shooting in the house, can we?
Charlie was flustered for a second before putting the gun back together and following Lucifer outside.
Lucifer: Alright, where we're standing, and the red target over there is fifteen meters. As you get better at aiming, we'll move the target up. And, eventually, we'll move on to hand to hand combat.
Charlie swallowed. This was all so much: I'm... not sure I can do this-.
Lucifer: You're going to have to do this, kid. We're hunters. And ironically, we're also being hunted. By things that are completely put into our control. Adam is able to take most of them down by himself, so there usually isn't much left for me to do. But, I can still handle my own.
Charlie: I thought you had some of Adam's power?
Lucifer: That was a long time ago... and it's slowly left me. He's offered to give it back, but I don't need it. I've survived this long without it. And you? Have you used your power?
Charlie: No... sometimes I get flair up, where I guess it builds up, and I have to release it. But, other than that, I don't know how to use it... or make it work. That's why I need Adam...
Lucifer nods: Well, he's probably the only person you could go to. Now, we'll save that conversation for another time. Let me show you how to aim.
I miss our God!Adam Au
Sequel š
In Canada Eh! Lmao
CANADA FOREVER
Yes plsss! I miss our stupid, power-hungry boy š«š«
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iāve been using those toe spacers for my tailors bunions & itās like damn ā¦. yall rly just walk like this ??
#stream#ALSKALSKLAKSLAJSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#i just thought this was normal for 2 decades ā¦.#but also :( SAD ! they wonāt actually correct them at all in terms of permanence bc u need to actually go get surgery to fix it but that#leaves u w 2 metal pins & i donāt want those#it helps those calluses a LOT lmfao#like ok there goes my love for fucking just SHREDDING them w the foot file but also thatās a good thing bc i always cut myself like not my#feet but my handsšššš#but i get them sooooo raw & clean itās sooo satisfying itās ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)#then iād go walk on them & i could feel the bone screaming but it was sooooo SAFISFYING TO FEEL IT#itās like a tickle but also a pleasure & a pain but itās soooooooo GOOD idk itās literally like a drug to me#but it just gets to delay me doing that but i know itās not healthy & if i get them fixed i probably wonāt get to do that again#bc i know exactly why i got them & itās bc id wear the same cleats for years until they were like worn out growing up so like#ā¦ā¦. my feet would grow but the Shoe Is Not#& itās been like that forever so i didnāt realize it was weird#tbh idk itās like iāll see someoneās feet & be like did u play soccer growing up ? & theyāll say yes like we got matching fucked up toes !!!#šššā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy heās actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasnāt here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so Iām like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying heās coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasnāt expecting. I also didnāt know heād been on a trip i just knew he wasnāt there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and itās tidy and pretty#and heās got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I donāt wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I canāt clean it without moving his shit and#I havenāt seen him yet to talk abt it and I canāt bring myself to talk to him immediately bc Iām dying#and embarrassed as hell by how Iāve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and heās super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then heās cooking and like. spaghetti burns but Iām not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out itās like#washed up stuff isnāt dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that heās spread out than heās messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to heās flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which Iām assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. couldāve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who wouldāve had to deal with it and he doesnāt know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc heās been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar Iāve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear Iām gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise heās gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didnāt know#well. idk where to go from here. I think Iāll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery š¤”
#they said i could go back to work but i did that last time and it was a pain so i took the day off#and i did a bunch of errands and Accomplished Things instead of napping which is what i wanted to do#then finally sat down to watch a movie and eat and im like....feeling guilty for not being at work#insane#to be fair the hour before i left yesterday was crazyyyy bc we had a kind of crisis#ibstayed a half hour late bc there wasnt enough coverage due to the crisis and i did my coworker's clean up for her bc she literally left#without finishing it#bc she was freaking out#crisis is one of the kids had lice lol#anyway she left without finishing her cleanup even tho the owner of the school and our boss's boss dropped by#to let us know the health department was coming thennext day (today)#and she Went Home even tho there was literally cottage cheese all over the floor wtf#anyway i was watching the kids while my supervisor bagged up all the stuffed toys and sheets and blankets etc to wash#then i did my other co teachers cleanup while my supervisor tried to do afternoon diapers but she was so late starting only 4 kids were lef#out of like 8 or 10 that probably should have been changed#so half of them went home without a final diaper change lmao#anyway#bugs š¬#i got a lice treatment shampoo and leave in conditioner but yuck#anyway i just felt really bad bc im out and they always need people but also im out on the day we're getting a ladt minute health inspectio#and i know that classroom is gross bc the cleaning crew thats supposed to come in every night has definitely not been doing that#this has been a shitpost#anyway my eye surgery hurts so bad wah š#its not even supposed to hurt that much but im like wicked sensitive to the light or something that it hurts a lot even w eye shields#and nobody is babying meeee#my mom made me clean the kitchen and the barn when we got home :(#my brother is making gf cookies for me tho but not bc of the surgery he just wants to try baking gf for me in general bc he's nice#also he's making 61 cookies by accident instead of 18 bc he doubled the recipe and then realized it was a recipe forngiant cookies lmao
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nosy anon again making a return because i think what my brain did was read that i helped find some kind of writing and then did not fully process what the writing was?? but upon rereading i am very intrigued if you ever get the urge to share i will be all eyes/ears/senses required to enjoy things!!
I GET TO DO WIP WEDNESDAYYYYYY!!! the writing exists mostly in the form of a tag (fantastic! 'verse) and also a thirty-two page doc of snippets and planning, so the sense you will be using most is imagination:
don't think i have ever actually formally written out anything about fantastic! 'verse but! the tl;dr of it is that it's a semi-college au: joel is still a hockey player for the lv phantoms, but morgan is a college student-athlete. it's incredibly relevant to the plot that joel falls in love with morgan in the check-out line of a wegman's, lies a little bit, and ends up going back to get his degree.
most of it is just good fun about college kids growing up, but i think there's a lot of parallels between making your way through a development system where traditional "success" isn't always guaranteed (ahl -> nhl, completion of higher education -> pursuit of a career) because that development system isn't always designed for you to "succeed" or have opportunities. heavy quotation marks around success because part of that struggle is learning what you want in life and how you define success. are your dreams achievable? are they still the same dreams you always used to have? it's infinite branching universes of would you still love me if i was a worm (ahl player forever) (a college dropout) (a college graduate) (older) (realizing the fallibility of your body) (uncertain of the future) (human).
silly little snippet:
#do i LOVE this snippet no we're still workshopping but i felt like y'all needed context for why it's fantastic! 'verse#and i can't link ash's tweet because. priv nor can i link kay or jos' replies so this is me saying Just Trust Me the tweet is this scene#anon the gift keeps on giving. i get to gab i get to be nosy the world is ideal i am here for it#does it count as wip wednesday if the w in question has been ip for four (?) years?#liv in the replies#HI THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT WHEN I FIRST GOT IT BUT I MISSED WEDNESDAY SO I HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK TO HIT IT AGAIN#BECAUSE I GOT EXCITED ABOUT DOING THE DAYS OF THE WEEK wip wednesday#you know the one oh i LOVE this part audio? that's me any time somebody asks me questions i am SO inclined to share.#one time somebody made a comparison about the blog and walking through a garden and it made me weepy i can't even lie#ALSO I SAW YOUR OTHER ASK i am in the trenches about whether i want to post it or not i did also go look and see her morgan posting in 2019#and maybe she is the same girlfriend?? maybe they broke up and got back together?? maybe she just cleaned up her vsco??? SO confused#(the debate is for all the reasons you mentioned lol it's just me deciding how Public you have to be before i think i want to paper doll yo#into my narratives? in a public forum because i would absolutely dm/gc/etc where there's no chance she could see or be involved#(as if she is on tumblr) but also figuring out how much i let into the sandbox. To Me things like the edm polycule or including wags can be#interesting within the narratives and sometimes i just pretend they don't exist! right now i am intrigued by the fact of whether or not#i invented a girlfriend (???) for morgan but she really doesn't fit into my narratives in a fun/interesting way besides that#and i don't want to spread misinfo if i DID invent this other girlfriend. rip morgan's imaginary (??) gf although i KNOW there was one#with the artsy vsco claw marks on his back. i promise!!! maybe it was just her!!!#fantastic! 'verse#i have better snippets i promise this au is funny it also features like. all of the 2019-2020 flyers because that's when i started writing#AND probably ten of those 32 pages are plans for a sequel/companion about isaac ratcliffe my beloved š#don't think too hard about who is actually playing on the flyers or draft orders without people. EYE know who is still on the team#but i did not do the math shenanigans to figure out who replaced people like morgan or scooty loots. vibes only no PP units
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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going from being ashton all week to being my legal name again is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world
#ashtonstfu#also i either have to quit my job and move to illinois with my parents in like less than four months or uh hope i can find a job that can#support me AND a place to live based off that salary before they move and honestly#iād rather fucking die than have to move with my parents but i have zero job prospects so#idk i guess iāll just hope i die in my fucking sleep#and like i canāt blame my parents like i know itās a good paying job my dad has and like he likes the area but like#CAN YOU FUCKING GIVE ME TIME#i wonāt even offically have my degree til like may even tho iāll be done in march#iāve applied to literal hundreds of jobs but since my skills arenāt the best cause i donāt have any real world experience no one wants to#even interview me or train me or ANYTHING and the only way to get better is my practicing but i need more structure or something and if#someone would just be willing to train me at a fucking job i could do it!! but no one wants to do that except fucking sales jobs and i cant#do that shit again it is soul crushing#anyways iām gonna have a full on mental breakdown cause uh#iām too fucking overwhelmed i donāt have anything and i canāt move with them itāll be a nightmare#if they would just slow the fuck down i might have a chance but we have a fucking realator coming thursday and i have so much shit to clean#i donāt know what the fuck iām supposed to do#even if by some miracle i get a job i have no credit and no money so fuck finding a place to live#itās impossible#iām gonna go throw up probably
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the way my glasses get and stay dirty no matter what and i specifically am phyuscially incapable of successfully cleaning them im rly contemplating just being blind again but i seriously can't read fuck damn nor shit like the letters im typing rn don't even look like letters on my string it coulkd be this IWOJNLK2io14809q?>#$><!@#<$>. like it looks the same
#im sick of headaches and being blind and having to put up with smudges or a headache or blindness i want to scream#if i could clean it it'd be one thing but having to go through someonelse means i have to bother them and justify it and i just feel like#a nuisance especially since other people Also don't understand and I just want to be able to accept that im blind it's just too fucking sev#severe to be anything short of hazardous and impeding on my life and i rly wish it wasn't#and eye surgery is another one of those expensive probably mandatory things in my future and the surgeries that i need#in order to be BASELINE happy just keeps fucking increasing and man im just fucking tired
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