#also Andy bell for a little treat

[starshapedoasis]

This one’s for all my real bitches

[cowgurrrl]

I've been rotting away in bed all weekend recovering from a cold and I made the mistake of rereading some parts of OFTM and I miss them so much 😭 how's our favorite famous duo doing? I can't stop thinking about reader having to defend/support joel for whatever reason, but it's with the vibe of this meme LMAO like that is HER man, how dare people say anything about him

J!!! I love this request!! Thank you for sending it in and I’m sorry it took so long 🩷

Girls on Film

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader

Summary: this ask

Warnings: unedited because you can’t make me, discussions of toxic behavior, language, Joel being a dilf, June once again not knowing how to properly end a fic, I think that’s it??

Joel is protective of his kids. Sometimes, a little too much, in your opinion but you didn’t marry him because he does things half-way. With each new addition to the family, his papa bear instincts grew and grew. And if you’re being completely honest, his protectiveness and love for his kids is part of the reason why you ended up with five kids to begin with.

When he was giving his interview to People during his Sexiest Man Alive shoot, he was asked what accomplishment of his he’s most proud of. Without missing a beat, he said, “my family.” He went into what little detail you use to talk about the kids in a public setting, even getting a little misty-eyed in the process. The second the crew was out of your house, you nearly jumped his bones right then and there. You found out you were pregnant with the girls about two months later.

So, yeah, he’s a great dad, and it’s super hot. Whatever. It’s universally known within your family that there’s almost nothing he wouldn’t do for his kids. He just loves them with everything he has and wants them to live full and happy lives. Which is fine until he bears his claws in public.

Following a particularly problematic documentary with some of today’s biggest stars, Joel was more than ready to say what had been on his mind when an interviewer stopped him on a red carpet and asked, “are there any people in the music industry you wouldn’t let your daughters date?” The daughters in question were never specified but it’s either between his married thirty-one year old, his lesbian (also married) twenty-eight year old, or his three year old twins. He wasn’t comfortable thinking about any option.

“My kids are free to date anyone they want, but we have a strict no assholes policy in our house.” He said and the interviewer raised her eyebrows. “Like I wouldn’t let ‘em date any of those idiots from that documentary.”

“Why do you say that?” The interviewer asked and Joel shrugged.

“My kids deserve better than some fucker in black eyeliner claimin’ to save rock ‘n roll when all he’s doing is being a sexist pig who makes shitty music.” By the time his words reached your ears, it was too late to stop him. The clip from the interview was making the rounds before you can even get home.

Paul, his poor, poor manager of several years, reaches out to him the next morning to ask if he wants to make a statement, amends, anything to smooth this over. Joel curtly responds to his long email with a short, “no,” and that ends the conversation. What’s even worse if you can’t even argue with him. He’s right. You’ve seen first hand how people in the music industry treat each other and it’s awful. Why should he be the one who gets shit on because he spotlighted other people’s behavior?

You are able to dodge questions, paparazzi, and others wanting to know the inside scoop for weeks until you feel yourself getting just as frustrated as Joel was. Leave it to the press to want the wife to offer explanation for her husband’s actions. It isn’t until you get an offer from Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen that you agree to even think about saying anything.

That night, Joel stays home with the kids and watches you walk out on stage with Carolina in a long bell bottoms, platform wedges, and your (Joel’s) favorite vintage band shirt. You and Carolina hug Andy and get some initial questions answered but it doesn’t take long before the subject turns to Joel.

“Now, I know everything’s been very hush, hush but Joel started a lot of discourse online about the music industry. What can you tell us about what he said?” He asks and you nod, smiling and playing with your wedding ring.

“That’s been like the question of the month, hasn’t it?” You joke to break the ice. “Look, I think we all saw the same documentary. We all heard what those men said and to act like we didn’t is, honestly, kind of ridiculous. Joel knows the industry better than I do and he knows that nothing is going to change unless you call out the people making it miserable for younger kids.”

“So, you agree with what he said?”

“One hundred percent. He was right that we have a no assholes policy for our kids but, other than that, we really don’t have rules about their dating lives,” you say. “And I think he was right to call out those guys. It’s not fair that they get protected by their little boys club and that just has to be the way things go. I think it’s bullshit.”

“You seem to feel passionately about this.” Andy says and you nod.

“Well, it’s not just because people are coming after my husband. It’s because we’ve both seen what any toxic environment can do to people which is why he owns his own label now.”

“And it’s doing very well. He just signed one of the biggest breakout stars of the year, didn’t he?”

“He did. And you know why it’s doing so well?” You ask, leaning in like you’re about to tell him a secret. “Because he doesn’t sign assholes. He doesn’t put his name next to theirs. He doesn’t even want to be associated with them because for as much as it’s his name, it’s also my name and our kids’ names. So, people can say whatever they want about what Joel said but I will support him and his mission and when his artists start winning Grammy’s and spots in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, we won’t even remember the names of the people who got fifteen minutes of fame and a shitty sound bite to show for themselves.” You say and somewhere in California, Joel nearly jumps out of his seat with excitement, praising you like you’re there with him.

The second you walk off stage, your phone lights up with Joel’s contact photo and you laugh as you answer it. “Will you marry me?” He asks before you can even say hello.

“I’m assuming you saw the show.”

“Saw it? Baby, I recorded it,” he says. “When are you comin’ home?”

“Tomorrow. You’re supposed to pick me up, remember?” You ask and he groans.

“You ain’t allowed to be that sexy on TV across the country.”

“Keep it your pants, cowboy. I’ll be home soon.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He sighs dejectedly like a ten-year-old.

When you get back to California the next day, the discourse has been put to rest and Joel is almost giddy when he watches you come down the escalator. The flowers in his hand get crushed when you hug him tight and let him kiss you like he hasn’t seen you in years. “Where are my children?” You ask when he finally pulls away and he smirks.

“With Ryan. The kids wanted to have a play date.”

“So, the house is empty?”

“And clean.”

“Joel Miller, will you marry me?” You echo his question from earlier and he laughs.

Then, like a perfect gentleman, he takes your suitcase, opens doors for you, and drive you home to properly fuck the shit out of you. (Author’s note: I want to put <3 right here so mf bad but I won’t because I’m a professional. PS old man rockstar!joel fucks severely. PPS it’s canon because I say so)

[lakesbian]

Pact arc 3 question: I feel like Wildbow shines in writing interesting groups of characters. Now that we're off to Toronto, looking back at Jacob's Bell, we've seen a good number of the factions there so far. Which one really stood out to you? Did anyone surprise you from your initial impression of them? This doesn't need to be a rundown of all the factions, just whichever one really caught your eye.

none of the characters in jacob's bell have had any real element of surprise to their arcs thus far--they're all more or less exactly what they're initially presented as. this isn't to say that practitioners (& friends) can't have unexpected twists to their character writing, but i think the fact that they literally can't lie contributes significantly to how transparent they all are. because, y'know, when you can't lie it makes your whole Deal pretty obvious. they can only misdirect, and in addition to how the trick of those misdirections is revealed & easily understood after its impact is realized, the manner in which someone misdirects indicates plenty about them as well.

anyway. already posted about maggie here. from what i hear mara is just one extended wildbow moment which fucking sucks and also completely checks out w/ how her only appearance thus far is it being treated as like. weird and curmudgeony that she's mad about colonialism. briar girl is fun--the base concept of someone who got in over their head w/ a familiar that leads them rather than vice versa serves as a consistent reminder regarding the horror & danger of practicing, and also her familiar's design rocks. like i said a few posts down i enjoy the duchamp's particular brand of Cyclical Familial Violence. i love when theres cyclical familial violence in the cyclical familial violence book.

laird behaim is sort of grating in the sense that. reasonably speaking a Magic Police Officer in his position would not actually need magic to keep the legal system from holding him accountable! it's just like that by default! the fact that he's a constant reason to depict the police as being a fantastically (and i mean in the sense of "would never happen but in a fantasy") decent system full of useful good-hearted people who are failing due to Powers Beyond Their Comprehension is just sooo consistently grating. his characterization would Be Something if he was explicitly forcing himself into a high-ranking police position for the sake of the social authority & capital on state-sanctioned violence it would afford him, but instead his position is written as incidental and near-irrelevant to his power base. not how that fucking works! manifesting i will get to find out about the behaim's own special version of Cyclical Familial Violence soon and that it will be interesting so i can care about him more. bc right now he is getting a bad grade at having a compelling character schtick. his only saving grace is that he has fun magic.

johannes i appreciate 4 his "mechanism with which 2 hammer the horrible cruelty & fatality of the world blake and rose have found themselves in into their heads" swag. i enjoy terribleawful sibling dynamics so andy calling his sister a Relative rather than Family despite her being literally his only apparent connection endears me to the witch hunters. and of course i like padraic and friends for offering to get normalguy blake pregnant. favorite little guys remain blake and rose thus far though

[levinbolts]

we bought a zoo ass roundup under the cut (aka introducing 80% of my and my partner’s pets)

CATS

sebastian (sebby!). 10yo. the favorite and is very aware he is the favorite. shy around strangers but very sweet and clingy with people he’s familiar with. if one of us is on the bed, he has to be on or touching one of us at all times. very chatty and trills to his name being called every time. will literally let us move and toss him around without complaint he’s so chill. very mean to other cats when there’s treats or catnip involved.

sherlock (sherl!). 9yo. absolute chonker of a cat (20lbs). loves head rubs and belly scratches and WILL demand them if you’re in his sight longer than 5 seconds. announces every time he uses the litter box?? so we’ll know??? has his head in the food bowl or asleep on a pillow 99% of the time. only meows when he’s going to the litter box or wants pets.

prompto (prommy!). 3yo. MENACE. wants to play all the time and will swipe at you if you walk past him too many times in a short time span. thinks any small sudden noise is a toy and will run over to pounce on it every time. teeniest tiniest meow i have ever heard oh my god it’s so cute. likes to snuggle and suckles on patches of his own fur while he does it?? but then he falls asleep while he’s doing it and it’s real cute.

misty (mismis, ms. miss!). oldest animal in the house at 14yo. can’t see very well at all, so we think she’s going blind. very sweet and loves to be around people. comes running in to say hi when she hears us in the kitchen or living room. also loves head and belly scratches. does NOT like other cats so she doesn’t come in the bedroom even though she really wants to :(. we’re worried she’s on her way out.

DOG

rumlow (rum, rummy, rumple!) the only dog ! 3yo. clingiest dog i’ve ever met. literally has to be up someone’s ass at all times if he can see or hear them or he’ll die (whine and bark nonstop). thinks he’s a teeny tiny puppy still and not a 90lbs adult dog and tries to climb into people’s laps. has a big scary bark but is so sweet and lets the cats bully him (he’s terrified of prompto). neediest animal in the house honestly.

BIRDS (idk exactly how old any of them are so they won’t have ages)

matcha. my personal favorite of all the birds (i got to name him). chatty chatty chatty. knows how to say a lot of things but his favorites are “pretty bird” “pretty boy” and “gimme kiss”. he will actually give kisses if you put your finger up to the cage (sometimes he’ll bite instead if he’s hungry or cranky tho so you win some, you lose some). loves to be around people. WILL try to take your phone if he sees it, whether he can carry it or not. loves to splish splash take a bath.

bucky. sweetest of all the birds honestly. only has one little foot so he hops around everywhere. loves the color red and will sing to you if you have something red in front of him. knows the andy griffith theme and the addams family theme. loves head pets. the best flier of all the birds, though he doesn’t do it much. mostly just wants to be held.

pineapple. used to be in the same cage as bucky but bucky didn’t like her so we moved them. she’s still obsessed with him though and spends most of her time staring at him from across the room. pretends to be mean but mellows out after a couple head pets. terrible and landing when she flies and just smacks into shit. the only other bird that likes her is ramen noodle.

ramen noodle. hates everything but his bell toy and pineapple (who doesn’t even like him). very quietly mimics all the other birds and they hate it. usually if the other birds are screeching and we can’t tell why it’s because of him. idk he doesn’t do much else.

apple jack(lyn). i couldn’t get a good picture of her because she’s a bitch and wouldn’t be still. meanest bird of all time. yells at anyone that walks in the room. will try to bite you if you come within 8 feet of her cage. obsessed with her little bell ball toy and will get PISSED if you touch it for any reason. we thought she was a boy but when we found out she wasn’t, she became apple jacklyn instead of apple jack.

you’ve already met snapple in my last ask so i won’t put him here but he looks very similar to apple jacklyn

[imaginedreamwrite]

Plus size/ beefy boy baker with reader. You chose who, maybe someone you're dying to write for but haven't had the chance yet

He kept watching the door, his eyes peeled to the front half of the bakery and his ears tuned to the bell that would chime at any arrival. It had been like clockwork, usually, to see you come in with your three year old twins and another on the way.

It was usually in the morning, your arrival at his bakery to get your twins a treat. He had heard more from you about your woes because you had no one else, and he had been a keen ear.

Never mind that he wanted to throttle your stupid ex-husband for breaking your relationship and family apart to runaway with his secretary. It wasn’t fair to you, a literal angelic goddess with a body made to worship, to be treated like that.

Andy knew how you were self-conscious about your previously post baby, and now pregnant body, but damn did it make his mouth water. He had almost wanted to kick himself in the nuts for thinking of you as anything but otherworldly, but you and your curves drove him wild.

Not just him, Andy reminded himself. Jake also had an affinity for your gorgeous body, even if your useless ex didn’t appreciate what he had.

“Is she here yet?” The younger of two stepped in through the back door, lugging a big carton of cream into the kitchen.

“Not yet,” Andy leaned forward and stared out the little window, immediately redacting his previous statement when the door opened, “now she is-“

“My three favourite people!” Jake vaulted himself over the counter to see you, wiping his hands off on his apron while Andy walked the proper way. “Look at the three of you!”

“Soon to be four,” you smiled, tired but more hopeful than you had been before, “we had a rough start.”

“I know what would make it better,” Andy dropped three new cake pops into a bag and handed it over to you before he dropped into a crouch, “you’re getting so big.”

“You say that every week.” Despite your being tired you pressed on, and despite the bags under your eyes you were breathtaking. “I think I need to take you both up on the offer for a break.”

“Honey, you deserve it.” Andy lets it slip, he lets the endearment slip and feels like he might have overstepped until you smiled shakily and tears pricked your eyes. “He’s an idiot, you’re going to be better off without him.”

“I’m tired, Andy.”

“Let us help,” Jake spoke quickly, out of need and desire to be one of two father figures in your kids lives, “we want to help.”

“You’re better than he ever was.” You sighed, tired again. “I just need-“

“We’re done in half an hour. Let us help.”

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

Chucky s1e8, An Affair to Dismember

I feel so bad for Tiffany when both Chucky's are ignoring her, but it's hilarious how she mentions Chucky(as Nica) gets dick too

I love how Tiffany tells both of them that neither of them know how to treat a lady and that they're no man😂😂

HOW DARE YOU SAY SHE ISN'T A LADY? SHE IS THE LADY YOU ASSHOLE

Junior is me tho (watching as Tiffany slaps Chucky) LIKE GET IT GIRL!!

The way Tiffany knows it's Nica immediately 🥺

And tells Chucky Nica at least respects her (respect/fear, same thing)

Oh no, the way Tiffany's face changes as Chucky apologizes, she knows that he's up to something 🥺🥺

Oh no, the way Tiffany realizes what Chucky's asking her to do and she tries to come up for a reason he'll understand to get him to let Nica live🥺

Her face looks so heartbroken when she starts to get her file and is crying saying she'll do it for him but she doesn't want to do it🥺😭

Her sobbing as she apologizes to Chucky that she can't go through with it and kill Nica🥺

NOOOOO she moved out of the way so Junior could do it😭😭

Tiffany just immediately jumping into action to kill Chucky just before Junior can kill Nica🥺😂

Nah dude, you're upside down😂

I'm cackling right with her 😂😂

Yeah dude, trust the blood covered nail file welding lady over the doll, she's honestly wayyyyyy more scary (and I love that for her)

OOOOO CHUCKY'S FACE WHEN SHE SAID HE HAD A LITTLE DICK😂😂😂😂😂

Ooooooooo she's the one who called the cops on him the night he died?! (Idk why I'm shocked

One of me's gonna get

Tiffany *dropping Chucky's head*: Mic drop

^ a true queen

Poor Nica 🥺

'Aunty Nica' honestly I wish I was in Junior's position rn with Tiffany/Jennifer telling me what to do

Oh my god I love how she lights up when talking about Glenda🥺❤️

I wonder if her weapons are in the suitcase 🤔

Welp, it is a weapon

Junior is traumatized

Oh no, he's just staring at his very own Chucky doll😂

Tiffany has definitely dealt with the twins adopting/taking random things with how she's just like yes, Junior you can keep him but you gotta clean up after him

I want a makeup container that shoots lasers, that's so cool

Oh god, poor kid is still in the house damn🥺

Well he's gonna need a lot of therapy (a headless doll body going to kill him)

Oh Andy you and your head collection 👀🙄😂

Nooooooooooo Kyle🥺🥺🥺

Well, at least there'll be a blank slate for Tiffany to rebuild a house, she's pretty smart about saving money that way

I forgot that Lexy and Jake were drugged and was wondering how they could sleep while their friend/boyfriend was in trouble

Oh noooo they think Devon died😭😭😭

Aw the way Jake was crying and then Devon appeared and they ran to each other 😭😭

Oh no, Poor Andy and Kyle 😭(I hope they're as hard to kill as Chucky)

Tiffany is so iconic I wanna hug her sm

Junior don't hurt Lexy😭

I totally wouldn't put it past Jennifer Tilly to have a whole collection of Good Guy dolls in addition to her Belle one😂

Oh Tiffany is totally the one who'd teach children to do crime

What Frankenstein

The way that Lexy's mom is finally appreciative of her husband 🥺 good for them

Oh noooooooo! Lexy's dad is dead😭😭😭

SHE DIDN'T CHECK THE POPCORN BEFORE SHE ATE IT? ( I am so glad I always do that)

Welp, thanks Chucky, now I gotta check under the seat in movie theaters

Poor Caroline doesn't know her dad is dead😭😭 her little voice asking what about her daddy (to come with them)😭

The way Lexy is telling Junior why she's loved him😭

Nooooooo Junior 😭😭😭

Poor guy is just another victim of his circumstances 😭(he made a choice, but still it was sad to see him die)

Damn Jake, you can kill him with your bare hands🥺

Oof, Chucky may not be a homophobic monster, but he still is from a time when they liked to say that something was so gay

Wait, so is Lexy's mom also dead? I thought she died at Christmas time?

Oh ok so she's alive gotcha

Tiffany saying she'll kill the driver if he's late, laughing and then more quietly saying she wasn't kidding as she walks away is hilarious 😂

Andy is out here doing good work with what his trauma gave him

I lowkey thought he was gonna drive the car into Tiffany's car😂😂

TIFFANY THE DOLL NOT THR PERSON 😂😂😂 I love it😂

Oh nooo, Nica🥺

Tiffany's right that girls have gotta advocate for themselves

Tiffany babe, I love you, but that was cruel even for you to subject Nica to more pain, even though Chucky is terrifying 🥺😭

Well it's good the science teacher is free again, she seemed cool

Those poor kids😭

Oh they're being watched, 💯

Chucky chilling in front of the fire is fabulous 😂 the kill count😂 poor kitty tho, Binxy deserved better 😭

[eva-knits12]

Halloween with Andy Barber

Trigger warning: Halloween, trick or treating, morning sickness, couvade syndrome, pregnancy, fluff

Summary: Andy Barber, Joy, and Joelle go trick or treating, and the family of three will soon become a family of four.

You wake up on Halloween watching Andy sleep. Joy would still be asleep, and you have her costume all ready for today. She's looking forward to doing her first Halloween parade in Kindergarten, and she is excited. You give Andy a kiss, and go to the en suite bathroom. You open the pregnancy tests, pull your pants down, and take the tests. You wipe yourself, wash your hands, and wait for the tests. After three minutes, you flip over the tests, and they are both positive.

You open the door, and leave the light on. You brush your teeth and wash your face, and gather your clothes for the day, which is your costume. You and Andy will be helping out in Joy's classroom today, followed by trick or treating later. You'll call the doctor later for the confirmation, but you just had an inkling. You've been feeling really nauseous lately, and you've been throwing up shortly after you eat. You're also late, and you're never late. Luckily, you're not as sick as you were with Joy.

Joy is five and she can't wait. You and Andy check on Joy again, and you let her sleep for a bit longer. She looks so peaceful and angelic, that you don't want to wake her right now.

Andy gathers his clothes for the day, and you both shower together. You love showering with Andy, it's a great way for both you and Andy to start your day together, and get some adult fun time in, too.

"Good morning, Mr. Barber," you say.

"Good morning, Mrs. Barber," says Andy.

You both kiss and make love right in the shower.

You and Andy dry each other off, and he sees the positive tests.

"Honey, are we?" asks Andy.

"I still need to get it confirmed, but yes!" you say.

Andy picks you up and twirls you around, and gives you a deep and loving kiss. He kneels down, and talks to your non-existent bump.

"I couldn't be prouder. I love you so much, little one," says Andy, who now his hand on you stomach and kisses your non existent bump.

You are stroking Andy's hair and beard with your right hand lovingly.

You stopped working at the doctor's office, and you loved being a stay at home mom. You kept the house clean, and Joy loved "helping" with what she could. It would just be her following you with her little hand held broom and dishcloth, and her favorite was laundry time. She helped you clean the baseboards when it came time to dusting and vacuuming.

Andy and you are dressed, and Andy makes you some peppermint tea, and he makes himself some coffee. Andy knew you've been feeling nauseous lately, and have been throwing up lately. Your morning sickness often kicked in at night this time, and it wasn't lasting all day like it did with Joy. You had an inkling that this pregnancy was going to be much different.

"Andy, I know that we haven't been actively trying, and I know that we had no plans for a second baby. Joy was a surprise. I know that this one is a surprise", you say.

"Let's wait to tell Joy when we get it confirmed, and then we'll worry about it," says Andy.

"I'm just not sure how Joy is going to take the news," you say.

"She's five, she can handle it," says Andy.

Andy makes breakfast for everyone. He makes everyone some pancakes and some bacon, and goes to wake Joy.

"Goo morning, Mommy," says Joy, who is still in her Disney princess nightgown, and has pink fuzzy slippers on her feet. She is carrying her Belle doll, and Joy is rubbing her eyes with her other had.

"Good morning, Joy. Did you brush your teeth?" you ask.

"Yes. Daddy helped me go pee," says Joy.

"Good job, Joy." You kiss joy on the top of her little head. She has Andy's brown locks that are mussed up first thing in the morning, and your dark brown eyes.

You, Andy, and Joy all sit and eat breakfast. Joy is telling you about how much she is looking forward to the Halloween Parade, the classroom Halloween Party, and Trick or Treating later.

Andy and you clean up the kitchen. After a while, you run to the bathroom because you need to throw up right now.

Joy is waiting in her room, playing with her Barbies. You and Andy help get Joy in her costume, which is Belle. You make sure that for tonight, she has on a long sleeved-t-shirt and a sweater on because it will be cold tonight.

You call the doctor, and the receptionist answers. You take the 9 a.m. appointment, so you call your sister-in-law and ask her to take you. Andy will be taking Joy to school, but you will be coming after your appointment.

"Joy, Mommy will be joining you and Daddy later, okay baby? Mommy's been sick lately, and she's going to the doctor so that the doctor can help make her better," you say.

"See you later, honey, " says Andy.

Your SIL pulls up, and drives you to the doctor. You really wanted Andy to come with you, but he would be busy with Joy. You would tell Joy that she was going to be a big sister later.

Andy drives Joy to school, and she is sitting in her car seat.

"Daddy, is Mommy having another baby?" asks Joy.

"Shh. Joy, it's a surprise. You were a surprise, and you were the best surprise. In fact, you and your mom make me happy every day," Andy tells Joy.

"You and mommy make me happy every day," says Joy.

Andy tears up at this, and he knew that this was true. Andy just couldn't picture life without you and Joy. After his dead ex-wife, Laurie and his dead son Jacob, Andy never thought that happiness could even exist. Andy's marriage had been dead in the water for a long time, and he had even filed for divorce. Ever since Andy met you, you proved that love and happiness do exist, and that second chances exist.

Andy arrives at school, and helps Joy out of her car seat. He grabs her backpack, her lunchbox, and even her pumpkin bucket that she will use to collect her candy in.

"I'm getting a lot of candy!" says Joy.

"I know, Joy. Mommy and Daddy will be going through it when we get home," says Andy.

Meanwhile, you climb into your sister-in-law's car, and buckle the seat belt. You grabbed some bags in case you needed to throw up.

You check in and take a seat. Your sister in law grabs a magazine, and you're working on a sweater for Joy. It's a yellow cable knit sweater that you know she would love. You are going to make one for Andy, and that one will be for him on Valentines' Day. That one will be from you and the baby. Joy's sweater will be from you and the baby.

Eventually, your name is called, and the nurse leads you back to the exam room. The nurse takes your vitals, and you pee in the cup. The doctor comes in and reviews your symptoms, and gets work for labs. The ultrasound tech brings in the ultrasound machine, and takes a look around. It's confirmed. You're pregnant with baby number two.

"Hello, little one," you say, with tears in your eyes.

You get a photo of the ultrasound, and you pay your co-pay. Your sister-in-law drops you off at Joy's school, and even helps you carry the pumpkins into the classroom. You're carving them later. You even have three at home that you'll be carving.

Andy is helping Joy getting ready for the Halloween parade. Andy is dressed as a 1920's gangster, spats and all, and he looks even more handsome in his pinstripe suit. You greet Andy with a loving kiss.

"Andy, I have something I need to tell Joy. It can wait till we get home," you say.

"Mommy! I'm getting candy!" says an excited Joy.

"I know, baby," you say.

The class is all lined up, with their bags and buckets and pillow cases. The class does the Halloween parade around the school, and the students and the teachers all give the kids candy, small toys, and various other goodies. The sixth graders will be having a dance later, and even invited the kindergartners in on the festivities. There was plenty of punch and plenty of goodies, and the kids were excited to join the big kids in their dance. The sixth graders and the kindergartners had a buddy program that was enjoyed by all. In fact, some of the sixth graders adopted some of the kids as "siblings".

You talked with Joy's buddy, Taylor, and you wanted Taylor in on this surprise. Taylor wanted to be a singer, and played the guitar. In fact, you helped Taylor when she got her first period, and she even saw you as a positive role model, seeing as that her mom wasn't in the picture, and that she was being raised by a single dad. You wanted Taylor to help announce the news to Joy.

The dance that the kids had was amazing. The sixth graders were dancing with their buddies, and were enjoying the sandwiches and the food that was provided by the local pizza and sub shop.

Joy goes right up to Taylor and Joy grabs Taylor's hand.

"Dance!" says Joy.

Joy and Taylor dance, and then Joy and Taylor grab some pizza and some water. You eat a little, and have some ginger ale. Taylor, Andy, and you take Joy to a more private area, and Taylor starts to sing.

"You'll make the best big sister/you'll be the most amazing big sister." sings Taylor.

"WHAT?! MOMMY'S HAVING A BABY?! I'M GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER?!" screams Joy.

Joy runs up to you, hugs you, and then you stand up. She kisses your non-existent bump. Andy kisses your forehead, and this was an amazing moment for everyone. You give Andy the ultrasound.

When school is over and you and Andy have gathered Joy's things, Joy and Andy can't stop smiling. You kiss Andy on the cheek, and you all drive home. You help Joy put away her things, and Andy orders some Chinese food, and even gets Joy that sweet and sour chicken that she likes. You get the Almond Boneless Chicken and the sweet and chicken.

You, Andy, and Joy carve the pumpkins while you're waiting for the food to be delivered. The scene is just so wholesome that your brother is taking pictures of the Barber family carving pumpkins.

You carve a smaller pumpkin that represents Baby Barber. Your dressed as Princess Leia from Star Wars, Andy is dressed as a 1920's gangster, and Joy is dressed as Belle. Your sister-in-law your brother would be handing out candy, and you, Joy, and Andy would be trick or treating with Joy. Your sister-in-law was dressed as Sleeping Beauty. You all were keeping the Disney Princess theme.

You, Andy and Joy return before eight. Joy has made out like a bandit, and you only came back once to empty Joy's bucket, and also so that Joy and you could pee. Joy had to pee really badly, and she didn't have an accident, which she was afraid of if she didn't get to a bathroom soon. Luckily, Andy got her to the toilet in time. Joy was holding her crotch, doing the pee pee dance, and she looked and felt really uncomfortable. She looked like she was about to burst. Andy got her on the toilet, with Joy still holding her crotch, and he pulled up her dress. Joy let go of her crotch, but was still doing the pee pee dance. Andy pulled down her panties, and she let go in the toilet. Andy was holding her on the toilet, and kissed the top of her head while she was peeing. Luckily, Joy hadn't managed to pee herself. She wiped herself, pulled up her panties, and washed her hands.

"Oh, Joy. You really have to go. You must have been very uncomfortable," Andy says sympathetically while Joy was still peeing. She really had to go, it's almost as if she was unable to stop. Her tiny bladder must have really full.

"I really needed to go, Daddy. I needed to go very badly," says Joy.

"Thanks for helping me go pee, Daddy," says Joy when she has finally finished peeing. "I'm feeling much better," says Joy, who kisses Andy on his cheek.

You peed, washed your hands, and then you threw up. You brushed your teeth, and you realized that your morning sickness has kicked in. You would be up all night, you couldn't wait for this to be over.

Andy was rubbing soothing circles on your back, and saying soothing things.

"Just a few more weeks, honey, then this is all behind you," says Andy, who feels nothing but sympathy. He's feeling nauseous, too, and he throws up first thing in the morning. You heard of couvade syndrome, and you knew that Andy had this. You and Andy had been together for so long, that he was now experiencing morning sickness with you.

Later that night, you, Andy and Joy watch Hocus Pocus, a family favorite. Joy is in her Barbie nightgown, and thirty minutes into the movie, Joy starts to yawn. Joy falls asleep on top of you and Andy, and Andy sees the sight. He kisses the top of Joy's head. picks her up, and carries her to bed. He puts the Disney Princess sheets and her Disney Princess comforter over her, and kisses her temple.

"Good night, Joy," says Andy. Joy is sleeping peacefully. When Andy returns, he sees that you have fallen asleep. He turns off the movie, and picks you up bridal style and carries you to bed. He kisses your forehead, and then kisses your non existent bump.

"I love you. I love you so much, Joelle," says Andy, who is lovingly stroking your forehead.

Andy wraps his arms around you, and he falls asleep. You two sleep like this for most of the night, and you have to get up periodically to throw up.

The next morning, you and Andy are staring at each other lovingly. Joy is still sleeping, and you and Andy make love that morning. Andy could never be happier. His family that he loved so much was going to be expanding by one more. Andy and you snuggle, and since it's Saturday, you have nowhere to be, and you have no plans. You, Andy, and Joy were going to have a lazy weekend together. No plans, no nothing. Luckily, you or Andy went grocery shopping on Monday night, your normal grocery shopping day.

[cevansbrat0007]

Girls' Night Toke-up

Summary: You and your girls end up having a little too much fun during girls' night. Featuring Andy Barber, Ari Levinson, & Curtis Everett

Warnings: Sexy/Worried Andy/Ari/Curtis, Daddy Kink, Difficult Reader, Difficult OFCs, Spanking, Rope Binding, Mentions of Chastity Belts, Discussions of Marijuana/Drug Use, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Written on my phone. All mistakes my own. Part of my Trio Series.

“Let me hit that again.” Giggles a sleepy-eyed looking Ruby. “That’s some good shit right there.”

“Told you my guy had the good stuff.” You tell her as you pass her the joint.

“And you weren’t lying.” A blissed-out Story mutters.

The three of you were sitting outside her townhouse in bathrobes and bonnets, enjoying a small, yet slightly illegal treat.

One you knew your men would not approve of. Not Curtis, the Firefighter. Not Ari, the Bounty Hunter. And certainly your District Attorney, Andrew Barber.

The big grumps.

“So how are things with Curtis, Rubels? Still rough?” Story asks as she nudges her shoulder as she tokes up again.

“Eh, we’re fine. It’s fine.” The curly hair beauty mumbles. “Or at least it will be when he stops threatening me with weekly maintenance spankings to encourage good behavior.”

Both you and Story offer a sympathetic wince at her words.

“My behavior is just fucking fine. He’s the beast!”

You nod and pass the joint once more.

“I get it. I threatened to punish my own beast yesterday. Only to end up my nose in the corner for my trouble. Got three good swats in though before Ari caught me though, so worth it!”

You and Story-book share a clumsy hi-five. Just in time for her phone to ring.

“Ahh, look. It’s my big ol’ beast.” Smothering a laugh, she hits “ignore”.

Only for it to ring. Again.

“I got this one for ya, girl.” You tell her as lean down to pick-up the phone. “What, Ari? You’re interrupting our Girls' Night.”

The man sighs into the other end. “Nice talking to you too, now please pass me to my little Sprite.” He growls out.

“Oh, no can do.” You shrug and take another deep drag, which makes you cough. “Sorry. Allergies.” You tell him.

“We’re having too much fun!” Ruby yells out. “We’re about to order some pizzas and cheesy bread anyway!”

“Well, that’s too bad.” He grumbles into the line. “Because Curtis and I are on our way over to snag our ladies.”

Immediately, Story goes to grab the phone.

“No, Ari.” She lets out an exasperated huff. “You can sleep without me tonight.”

“No, I can’t. And even more importantly, I don't want to. You've been away from me all day and I need you in my arms. Now, I’ll see you in twenty. And fair warning, Curtis left the same time I did. So have your shit packed, please.”

“Argh!” She hangs up on her man with an aggravated scream. And then her phone chimes:

Sunshine Bear: Don’t ever hang up on me.

The three of you quickly change your clothes and douse yourselves in perfume. Had to cover-up the tell-tale signs of your good time, ya know?

You also now knew that Andy was en-route as well. Well, fuck. Your three high-handed ogres could show up here all they wanted.

It didn't change the fact that you and your girls were going out for pizza. There was a little shop just down the street that you all positively adored. If your men wanted to interrupt your date then they’d just have to wait. You hop in the car and head over to Antonio’s Pizzeria. As you're driving, Ruby is kind enough to call ahead and place your orders.

And after that, you three do something dangerous. You put your phones on silent. Call it brave. Call it stupid. But you all agreed that your men had to learn.

“Where to fuck are they?” Andy snarls as he knocks and then rings the bell for umpteenth time. And where was Y/N’s car for that matter?

“Are the brats not answering?” He turns around at the sound of his friend’s gruff voice. “Don’t worry man, I’ve got a fucking key.” Ari steps out of his vehicle just as Curtis pulls up as well.

“What’s going on?” The short-haired man growls. “I wanna grab my girl and go home already.”

Ari sighs as he unlocks the door. “Story?” He bellows into the quiet house. “Daddy’s here, baby. It’s time to go!”

No answer.

Confused, but also undeterred, the three exasperated men begin their search. Which quickly turns up nothing.

“What. The. Fuck.” Andy hisses, settling his big hands on his trim waist.

“Hey guys.” Curtis calls from the back patio. “Look at what the fuck I found.” Their firefighter holds up the remnants of what appears to be joint.

Andy scrubs a hand over his beard, while Ari yanks one big paw through his long, tawny locks.

“Maybe it’s…old?” One of them offers.

“No, pretty sure it’s fresh. Smells like a goddamned skunk.” He huffs, his brawny arms crossing over his swelled chest. “This is exactly why my Rubaloo needs weekly maintenance.” He mumbles to himself.

With a grunt, Ari grabs the offending paraphernalia and tosses into a clear ziplock bag.

“If they know what’s good for ‘em they’ll be back real soon.” With that said, they sit down to wait for your return.

Fifteen minutes later…

You, Story, and Ruby tiptoe into the house carrying pizza boxes and munching on cheesy bread.

“Wassup?” You giggle when you notice visitors in the kitchen. “Hungry? Cuz’ if you are, we’re not sure if we got enough for you.” You take another delicious bite.

“Although, I suppose you can each have a piece of the cheesy bread.” Ruby shrugs. “Aww, why the sour faces, fellas? We’ll share, we’ll share.”

You take a quick moment to rub at your glassy eyes.

“C’mere, little girl.” Your man growls at you. “Right now.”

“No thank you, Mr. Andrew Stephen Barber. I’m starving.”

“Yeah. We wanna eat and then nap.” Story stretches her arms over her head, oblivious to the fact that Ari is hold in something in his hand.

Cue more giggles.

Suddenly, Curtis picks up his girl and deposits her on a nearby table. Tightly gripping her chin, he tilts her head back to look into her eyes.

“Rubeena, my darling little wife.” There’s an unmistakable edge to his voice. “Why are these beautiful orbs of yours looking so red and glossy?”

“Al - allergies. Ragweed. Pollen.” His woman mutters. Meanwhile, you and a nervous-looking Story keep nibbling away on your food.

And that’s when Ari holds up the incriminating evidence. “So it doesn’t have anything to do with this?”

“Uh, nope. Must have been those pesky neighbor kids again.” Story mumbles as she reaches into a box for a slice of pizza

“No, the three of you are high as a goddamned kite. And then you drove on top of it.” A very frustrated Andy pinches the bridge of his nose. “And now you’re lying about it.”

“They sure are. And I, for one, don’t play that.” Ari grinds out through clenched teeth. “Upstairs, Story-book, now. And you had better be in position by the time I get up there.”

“And if I don’t want to?” Your brave friend crosses her arms and taps her foot. In fact, she snatches the bag from him, opens it and lights up.

“Girls, you wanna hit?” She asks, fire blazing in her eyes. “How about you, Daddy?”

With your pizza still in your hand, you grab it from her, take a hit, and then pass it to Ruby, who also takes a quick toke. And then you move towards the sink to extinguish it.

“There. Happy now?” You grumble through a mouthful of pizza.

Suddenly it’s as if everything happens in slow motion. Andy whips the belt from around his waist and binds your hands behind you. And then that fucker, Curtis, tosses your boyfriend his own belt so he can bind your ankles with it.

And although you put up a struggle, it’s simply no use. “I’ve got a very special present for you when we get home, young lady.” He whispers in your ear before lewdly licking your cheek. “You’re gonna hate it, but I’m going to love it. It’s a gorgeous chastity belt that I had customized just for you.” His hand roughly palms your ass, making you squirm.

Meanwhile, Story is screaming and screeching behind you. You can’t see much, except for her legs kicking and flailing like a wild animal while Ari methodically tans her ass.

Curtis marches poor Ruby out to the car, cursing and swatting her ass with a thick wooden spoon every step. “Put your hand here again and I’ll tap that too.” He snarls. “Little fucking brats, the whole lot of you!”

END

[alesreadings]

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson.

4.75 stars. “Pip wished she was strong enough, but she’d learned that she wasn’t invincible; she too could break.” tw: mention of rape, death of an animal, kidnapping, death, drugs. Notes. 1. If you haven't read the book and don't want to spoil yourself, I recommend that you don't read any further. 2. The spoilers section, and possible random spoilers, will be signposted to avoid any misunderstandings. I must admit that this is my first thriller book, so I'm not very familiar with the genre, and now I want to read more. And it's also one of the first I've read entirely in English, and as you know that Spanish is my native language, I assume you'll know that it was a bit complex. Although, I'm adapting a bit more to reading in English. Wish me luck, folks. In A Good Girl's Guide to Murder we follow Pippa Fitz-Amobi, a 17-year-old student whose final year project is the case of Andie Bell, who was murdered by her boyfriend, Sal Singh and taken for granted by the police. But Pippa knows Sal is innocent, so she decides to find out what happened five years ago and who really killed Andie Bell. Pippa discovers that Andie had many secrets, that she was not the beautiful and tragic victim that the people of Little Kilton martyred and idolised, branding Sal Singh a murderer and a monster, treating his family very badly for it. In addition, Little Kilton holds even more secrets that intrigue Pip and make her want to keep digging to solve the mystery. Writing. I don't think I remember reading a book like this, with diary-like entries speaking in first person and then in third person. It was a bit strange, if I'm honest, and it took me a bit longer to adjust. However, it was an easy read in some respects. And, I don't know if it's because of the difference between British and American English, but there were phrases that I had to look up because I didn't understand them, lmao. Plot. The plot kept me glued in my seat, not wanting to put my phone down, wanting to know what would happen next. I mention that I was late with this book because college is eating me alive, though I made time to keep reading because I was consumed with thoughts of not knowing what would happen, who the killer would be and if Pip was going to find out. There are a lot of plot twists that I wasn't expecting and a lot of things that made my brain almost melt from thinking about it so much. Pacing. It was a quick and light read, and I take back that I was late because of college: I would have finished it sooner if it weren't for homework. It's not that complicated to understand and the pages turn very quickly. Characters. Pip is a good girl, addicted to homework and determined to solve the Andie Bell case and prove that Sal Singh is innocent at all costs. So eager is she to find out what really happened, that she finds herself lying to others so that they won't worry about her and try to stop her from abandoning her project. Ravi is the younger brother of Sal Singh. He has been the target of criticism, and is known as the brother of Andie Bell's killer. Ravi knows his brother is innocent, and when Pip shows up at his door asking him a few questions, he thinks it's a joke. And soon, Ravi becomes Pip's partner in crime, both looking for answers about his brother's sudden death and his innocence in the case. Ravi is a beautiful little baby, don't touch him I want to take care of him. Also, Ravi: marry me. Andie was a bitch and it doesn't surprise me much that bad things happened to her. Everyone held her in such high regard, believing she was a good girl whose boyfriend murdered her. Andie ruined several people's lives, and although I thought I would feel bad that she had died, I didn't really. When you find out the truth about Andie Bell, what she did and didn't do, you don't feel any empathy for her. Cara is Pip's best friend, her older sister is Naomi, who was in turn Sal's best friend and who also keeps a big secret that makes Pip dig very closely into her and her life, including her family. (Bonus and unnecessary fact: Cara translates from

Spanish to English as: 'face' and 'expensive'. Unnecessary examples: Su cara es hermosa= her face is beautiful. La camisa es cara= the shirt is expensive.) Follow me for more unnecessary Spanish classes, they are free of charge. Pip's family is ok. They're the typical caring and normal family. Tho I loved Vic's jokes, jsjsjs he laughing at his own jokes (just as Ravi) is totally me. Max Hastings can die and I wouldn't care for him. He deserves the shit going on in his life. He's a dick and you can easily see it. Please, go fuck yourself, you fucking bastard. 🥰🥰🥰 ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️oK, PEOPLE, SPOILER SECTION. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Tho I loved this book, I really enjoyed and liked it a lot, there were many ??? things that left me with a bitter taste on my mouth. First of all, Pip felt a little bit dry and typical. She's a good girl who starts to lie for her project and she doesn't feel the same anymore. I mean, idk, I can't put it into words, I just hope she felt more real and not flat. Second, how quick all of the possible suspects told Pip the truth, when they lied to the police or omitted information. I found it quite unbelievable and a little bit ilogic. Also, Mr. Ward confessed really quick and it felt dry... I don't quite know how to explain it, but I was expecting more. Becca Bell also confessed really quick, and spilled her secrets out as she were talking about the weather, which also felt a little bit bitter. aND THE FINAL STRAW: BARNEY. NO. NO. NO. NOT MY BABY BARNEY. HE WAS AN ANGEL AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM WITH LOVE. LEANNE CRYING OVER THE CHRISTMAS' VIDEO OF BARNEY GIVING EVERYONE A SHOE BROKE ME DOWN. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THIS!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ End of the spoiler section⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ In summary, I really liked this book, was a quick reading and many plots got me hanging of the cliff. This is a "you must read" book.

[buckyownsmylife]

buckyownsmylife’s 2k/birthday challenge masterlist

I’m already starting to receive a few birthday presents fics, I mean fics! And since I didn’t think to create a hashtag so you all could easily find the submissions I’m getting, instead of only publishing it by the end of the challenge, I’m gonna keep post it now, so you all can celebrate my birthday the challenge with me.

ABO

BUCKY BARNES

stuck on you, by @buckysbee - I recommend this for when you want something incredibly filthy that will most definitely get you off. Jesus fucking Christ is this hot.

BAKER

BUCKY BARNES

stuffed full, by @whisperlullaby - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood for something sweet and amusing, because that’s how I’d describe the lovemaking reader and Bucky do in this incredible fic!

LEE BODECKER

watching you, by @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog - I recommend this for when you feel like being strongly protected by Lee, who will make you feel safe and desired despite anything from your past. (Reader is the baker in this)

BARISTA

HENRY CAVILL

s.o.s, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you want something short and sweet, with a tinge of forbidden relationship.

BIKER

CHRIS EVANS

give your heart a break, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood for a really loving dubcon, where it’s more of a forcing of boundaries than an actual break of consent/trust.

CEO

BUCKY BARNES

everything is blue, by @jbreenr​ - I recommend this for when you want to live your perfect fantasy of fucking your boss after years of desiring him from a distance.

RANSOM DRYSDALE

controlled, by @afriendlyblackhottie - I recommend this for when you want to be taken by a man who will do whatever he wants with your body, while also making all of your decisions for you.

SEBASTIAN STAN

always, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you want some sweet baby-making sex from your husband, who hates being apart from you because of work.

STEVE ROGERS

forever, by @donutloverxo - I recommend this for when you feel like getting the life you deserve, you know, the ring, the man, the family. So sweet and satisfying.

DAD

CHRIS EVANS

daddy is home, by @buckybarnes101 - I recommend this for when you feel like being cherished the way an ex never could. Chris will show you the love you deserve, while fucking you the way you deserve!

DEMON

BUCKY BARNES AND STEVE ROGERS

angel, by @little-diable​ - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood to be corrupted by dark!Stucky!

EX CON

ANDY BARBER

in between the city walls of dying dreams, by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor - I recommend this for when you want to escape reality and submerge yourself into a dark and instigating story where you just know shit’s going to happen, but you don’t know what and when.

BUCKY BARNES

new beginning, by @sebbysbaby​ - I recommend this for when you want to give in to that need to have someone after such a long time apart, especially if the reason you’re away comes from a place of protectiveness.

LIBRARIAN

ANDY BARBER

diving bell, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you’re into being flirted by the hot new librarian who patiently waits for you to give into him, and once you do, you are not prepared for what he has in store for you

BUCKY BARNES

do it so well, by @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog - I recommend this for when you want to fall head over heels for librarian Bucky, the man we all deserve in life. Emma did an INCREDIBLE job at making him believable while still being the exact amount of dreamy that will make you sigh.

MOB

BUCKY BARNES

all dressed in white, by @angrythingstarlight - I recommend this for when you want to feel those angsty smutty feelings, particularly if you’re in the mood to be so madly desired by a mob boss that he’ll do anything to find you and keep you close.

SEBASTIAN STAN

cherry bomb, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood to be taken in front of your boyfriend’s closest friends, all in his efforts to get you pregnant.

PROFESSOR

STEVE ROGERS

baby fever, by @americasass91​ - I recommend this for when you want to be in a fully committed, long-term relationship with Steve who suddenly has a change of heart after seeing how great you are with kids.

WALTER MARSHALL

sentimental education, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you want to see the longing through the eyes of the man you shouldn’t be with and explore the breeding kink as a fantasy that most definitely shouldn’t be fulfilled either.

ROOMMATE

CHRIS EVANS

follow you, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood for some good male pining. 

STEVE ROGERS

head start, by @eurynome827-fic-roulette​ - I recommend this for when want the sweetest kind of smut

ROYAL

RANSOM DRYSDALE

crowned sin, by @angrybirdcr​ - I recommend this for when you want to be sent on a rollercoaster of emotions

SINGLE DAD

CHRIS EVANS

daddy is home, by @buckybarnes101 - I recommend this for when you’re in the mood to be taken by Chris Evans and treated in the way you’d never been treated before, the way you deserve to be treated!

TEACHER

STEVE ROGERS

hot for teacher, by @daydream3r-xo - I recommend this for when you wanna be a part of a forbidden relationship with a man that wants to take all of your worries away - to an overwhelming degree, in fact.

VAMPIRE

BUCKY BARNES

memory, by yours truly - I recommend this for when you want some sweet exploration of a new kink with someone who can’t actually live it.

in the dark, by @dollslayer​ - I recommend this for when you want a taste of the supernatural (the supernatural being you), with a surprise twist in the end.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Winter/Holiday Challenge

Hello wonderful Tumblr Peeps! It’s that time of year where we get all those festive feels. @sagechanoafterdark and I wanted to throw a bit of a holiday party for all of us. 

Below you will find some prompts, a bit of everything that we had pulled together to help inspire you either in writing, mood boards, or other forms or artwork you would like to submit. Either just seasonal fun or holiday specific. Also throwing this out there, if you wanted to switch up some of the prompts from Christmas to something a little different, but want to use the idea in the prompt, please feel free. We encourage it, just please specify if its another holiday so I can write it down. We personally know most Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, but would love to see (as well as learn) other traditions that you all celebrate. We are leaving this as an open fandom challenge, and will be making a masterlist with all the works submitted to us. Happy Writing! 

Below the cut, you will find the rules and prompts provided.

Can be anything you want to submit, writing or art work. 

Non Con and Dub Con is allowed

Underage, messing with animals, toilet play is a hard NO for us.

All that being said, Properly label your work for anything that’s needed. We have the right to refuse reposting/adding to the official list if it's incomplete with its warnings. 

Please send Sweater your request in a ask, with the number/s and character/fandom you want to write for.  

AU, OC, Y/N, etc is allowed. 

There will be no date to have it submitted by, we know people have lives and cant always get to stuff ASAP. Or the muse has stepped out. No worries, we got you. Submit when you can. 

Anything that is over 500 words, please use a ‘KEEP READING’ Lets not clutter our friends blogs up. (if you're on mobile, we understand it's not easy to use, no worries.) 

Please Reblog this for people to see, we would appreciate it. 

You don’t have to follow us, although be cool if you did

When you tag this, please use #ssholidaychallenge and tag @sagechanoafterdark​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ in your fic. 

Also probably send one of us a message if one of us doesn’t respond in a timely manner, it’s most likely where Tumblr is not sending notifications. 

You can mix and match prompts. If you wanted something from each category, feel free. Just send the info in your ask. 

There will be no restrictions in prompts, more than one person can have the same prompt. 

2 stories per person though.

HAVE FUN with this. 

Prompts

Person A surprises Person B by being home in time for any holiday of choosing @just-one-ordinary-fangirl with Steve @angrythingstarlight with Andy, Dark!Steve

Person A is great at baking, Person B is not. Chaos @nekoannie-chan with Steve/Brock

Person A is very particular about decorating, Person B just wants to put the decorations wherever they want. 

“That's the ugliest sweater i’ve ever seen.” @icanfeelastormbrewing and @what-is-your-plan-today with Jake and Stella

“My house, my rules. Christmas music stays on.” @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho with Ransom

“Yea, uh, alcohol doesn't go in hot chocolate.” @viinchester

“I love you, but you are a shit decorator.” 

“Step away from the cookies.” @pagesoflauren with Ransom @the-soulofdevil

Pulling you/character in for a kiss from the scarf @imma-sucker-for-a-beard with Chris @queenbeean​ with Ransom

Christmas Cookie Baking Day

Hiding the pickle in the tree @thefanficfaerie with Steve

“Can we pretend we’re dating at my family's Christmas Party? Then keep it up till New Years?” @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad 

Accidentally breaks ornaments decorating @stuckonjbbarnes with Loki

“Are those lights singing?” “Yes” “I hate them” “I love them” 

Kinky Gift Exchange

“Let's do something to put us on the naughty list” @imma-sucker-for-a-beard with Chris

Wrap yourself up like a gift

Get caught nibbling on forbidden holiday treats @sweeterthanthis

“All I want for christmas is you” @queenbeean​with Curtis

Finding the PERFECT tree @what-is-your-plan-today with Rogers @thefanficfaerie with Chris

Meeting the family for the holiday @mcubabydotcom with Ransom @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad 

Snowed in and make a fire for warmth (and cuddles) @romaxnogersav with Bucky @steebsbabygirl with Steve

Holiday Movie Night! (any movie of your choosing) 

Exchanging Secret Santa Gifts @navybrat817​ with Bucky

Lighting the Menorah

Eight Days of Hanukkah

Exchanging homemade gifts on the last day of Kwanzaa

Kwanzaa party! 

Seven Days of Kwanzaa

Playing the dreidel and other games

“Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Merry Christmas Bitch, I love you.” (feel free to leave out the swear if you want) 

“Do you wanna build a sno-” “Don't you dare finish that” @twittytelly with Chris @bananapie99 with Bucky

“You look like this gingerbread man” proceeds to take a bite. @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho with Ransom

“I love Christmas more than anything” “what, even more then me?” @just-one-ordinary-fangirl with Ransom

“You’ve burnt the turkey.” 

“I’m freezing, you’re warm. Hug me.” @arrowsandmixtapes @steebsbabygirl with Steve @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad 

Exchanging Secret Santa Gifts

Donating toys to children @redhairedfeistynerd​ with Chris

“Did you put antlers on the dog?” @what-is-your-plan-today with Adlers @viinchester with Chris 

“Im freezing, you are warm, hug me.” @nekoannie-chan with Steve/Brock

Song Prompts

41. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt @angrythingstarlight​ with Andy

42. It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Andy Williams

43. White Christmas - Bing Crosby

44. Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms

45. Frosty The Snowman - Gene Autry

46. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Gene Autry

47. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Bruce Springsteen

48. Blue Christmas - Elvis

49. Last Christmas - Wham

50. Mr Grinch - Thurl Ravenscroft @stargazingfangirl18​ with Frank Adler

51. Silver Bells - Dean Martin

52. Mele Kalikimaka - Bing Crosby

53. Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Johnny McMathis

54. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives

55. Feliz Navidad - José Feliciano

56. Hippopotamus for Christmas - Gayla Peevy

57. Holly Jolly Christmas - Dean Martin @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​ with Ransom

58. All I Want For Christmas - Mariah Carey @angrythingstarlight​ with Dark!Steve

59. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Elmo and Patsy

60. Rockin Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

Movie Prompts- 

61. Four Christmases- You and Character of choice go to your different family Christmas’s, each with their own disasters. 

62. National Lampoon's Christmas- The whole family gets together in one house to celebrate. (Cousin Eddie anyone?) @pagesoflauren​ with Ransom

63. Jingle All the Way- Got to find THE GIFT of the season last minute

64. The Grinch- Someone just doesn't like the holiday, heart is three sizes too small. But it can all turn around and find the holiday spirit @verdandi-storm​

65. It's A Wonderful Life- Someone gets an awakening during the Holidays at just how lucky they are from a visitor.

Picture Prompts-

66.

@bananapie99 with Bucky

67.

68.

@twittytelly​ with Chris @stuckonjbbarnes with Bucky

69.

@the-soulofdevil​ @angrythingstarlight​ with Dark!Steve

70.

@donutloverxo​

71.

@gotnofucks with Sam/Bucky

72.

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ with Sam

73.

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork​

[dustedmagazine]

Dust, Volume 7, Number 8

Big Thief

Our August collection of short reviews contains more big names than usual with singles from Big Thief and Dry Cleaning, a digital compilation from Thou, live music from Obits and a side project from members of the Bats and the Clean. Never fear, there are obscurities as well, including an improv guitar player even Bill Meyer had hardly heard of, a Norwegian emo artist in love with Texas and a death metal outfit verging into psychedelia. Our writers, this time including Tim Clarke, Bill Meyer, Jennifer Kelly, Ian Mathers, Chris Liberato and Jonathan Shaw, like what they like, big or small, hyped or unknown. We hope you’ll like some of it, too.   

Marc Barreca — The Sleeper Awakes (Scissor Tail)

The Sleeper Wakes by Marc Barreca

Odd connections abound here. One might not expect the usually acoustic-oriented Scissor Tail Recordings to make a vinyl reissue of an electronic ambient music cassette from 1986, any more than one would expect its maker to currently earn his crust as a bankruptcy judge. So, let’s just shed those expectations and get to listening. Unlike so many lower profile electronic recordings from the 1980s, which seemed targeted for a space next to the cash register of a new age bookstore, this album offers a profusion of mysteries that compound the closer you listen to them. It’s not at all obvious what sounds Barreca fed into his Akai sampler. Japanese folk music? Church chimes? A log drum jam? Tugboat engines? One hears hints of such sounds, but they’ve been warped and dredged in a thin coat of murk, so that the predominant experience is one of feeling like you’re dreaming, even if your eyes are wide open.

Bill Meyer

Big Thief — “Little Things” / “Sparrow” (4AD)

Little Things/Sparrow by Big Thief

Who knows how much more music Big Thief might have released in the last 18 months if the pandemic hadn’t tripped them up? Given the creative momentum generated by 2019’s UFOF and Two Hands, it’s fair to assume the band have plenty of music waiting in the wings. “Little Things” and “Sparrow” arrive with no sign of a new album on the horizon, so are probably being released to promote Big Thief’s upcoming US and European tour. Both songs clock in at around five minutes and handle musical repetition in different satisfying ways. Reminiscent of Fleetwood Mac’s “Everything,” but hyped up on caffeine, “Little Things” feels like an exciting new direction for the band. It cycles through its whirlpooling, modulated acoustic guitar over and over, the frantic little sequence of chords never changing; the interest comes from the ways in which the rest of the instruments bob and weave in the ever-shifting, psychedelic mix. “Sparrow” is a more traditional Big Thief song, sparse and sad. Its melancholic sway is enlivened by some beautiful wavering vocal harmonies as Adrianne Lenker paints a picture of a Garden of Eden populated by sparrows, owls and eagles, culminating in Adam blaming Eve for humankind’s fall from grace.

Tim Clarke

Simão Costa — Beat Without Byte: (Un)Learning Machine (Cipsela)

Beat With Out Byte by Simão Costa

Piano preparation often makes use of modest resources — bolts and combs, strings or maybe just a raincoat tossed into the instrument’s innards. By contrast, Simão Costa’s set-up looks like took all of the entries in a robotics assembly competition and set them to work agitating a snarl of cables that met the pirated telecommunication requirements for an especially crowded favela. But whether it’s twitching motors or Costa’s own hands doing the work, the sounds that come out of his sound remarkably rich and cohesive. He stirs drifting hums, metallic sonorities, and stomping rhythms into a bracingly immediate sonic onslaught.

Bill Meyer

Cots — Disturbing Body (Boiled)

Disturbing Body by Cots

Disturbing Body is the low-key debut album by Montreal-based musician Steph Yates, who enlisted Sandro Perri to produce. Where the songs are pared back to mostly just vocals and peppy major-seventh chords on nylon-string guitar — such as “Bitter Part of the Fruit” and “Midnight at the Station” — comparisons with bossa-nova classics such as “The Girl From Ipanema” inevitably arise. Where the tempo is slower, the chord voicings are less sun-dappled, and Perri’s arrangements call upon a wider palette of instrumental colors, the songs venture into more interesting terrain, calling to mind a less haunted Broadcast. There’s an eerie sway to the opening title track, backed by rich piano chords and clattering cymbal textures. Fender Rhodes and the light clack of a rhythm track give “Inertia of a Dream” an uneasy momentum. And forlorn trumpet, percussion and piano situate “Last Sip” at closing time in a forgotten jazz club. There’s something evasive yet subtly intoxicating at work here, the album’s ten songs breezing past in half an hour, leaving plenty of unanswered questions in their wake.

Tim Clarke

Dry Cleaning — “Bug Eggs” / “Tony Speaks!” (4AD)

Bug Eggs/Tony Speaks! by Dry Cleaning

A few months on from the release of their excellent debut album, New Long Leg, Dry Cleaning have put out two more songs from the same sessions, which are featured as bonus tracks on the Japanese edition. For a band whose unique appeal is mostly attributed to Florence Shaw’s surreal lyrics and deadpan delivery, it’s heartening to hear further evidence that it’s the complete cocktail of musical ingredients — Shaw plus Tom Dowse’s inventive guitar, Lewis Maynard’s satisfyingly thick bass, and Nick Buxton’s driving drums — that alchemizes into their winning sound. The verse guitar chords of “Bug Eggs” are naggingly similar to New Long Leg’s “More Big Birds,” while the instrumental chorus has a yearning feel akin to album highlight “Her Hippo.” Maynard’s bass tone on “Tony Speaks!” is absolutely filthy, swallowing up most of the mix until Dowse’s guitar bares its teeth in a swarm of squalling wah-wah, while Shaw’s lyrics muse upon the decline of heavy industry, the environment, and crisps.

Tim Clarke

Flight Mode — TX, ’98 (Sound As Language)

TX, '98 by Flight Mode

In 1998, well before he started Little Hands of Asphalt, Sjur Lyseid spent a year in Texas at the height of the emo wave, skateboarding and going to house shows and listening to the Get Up Kids. TX, ’98 is the Norwegian’s tribute to that coming of age experience, the giddy euphorias of mid-teenage freedom filtered through bittersweet subsequent experience. “Sixteen” is the banger, all crunchy, twitchy exhilarating guitars and vulnerable pop tunefulness, its clangor breaking for wistful reminiscence, but “Fossil Fuel” waxes lyrical, its guitar riffs splintering into radiant shards, its lyrics capturing those youthful years when anything seems possible and also, somehow, the later recognition that perhaps it isn’t. It’s an interesting tension between the now-is-everything hedonism of adolescence and the rueful remembering of adulthood, encapsulate in a chorus that goes, “Well wait and see if there’s no more history/and just defend the present tense.”

Jennifer Kelly

Drew Gardner— S-T (Eiderdown Records)

S/T by Drew Gardner

Drew Gardner has been popping up all over lately, on Elkhorn’s snowed in acoustic jam Storm Sessions and the electrified follow-up Sun Cycle and as one of Jeffrey Alexander’s Heavy Lidders. Here, it’s just him and his guitar plus a like-minded rhythm section (that’s Ryan Jewell on drums and Garcia Peoples’ Andy Cush on bass), spinning off dreamy, folk-into-interstellar-journeys like “Calyx” and “Kelp Highway.” Gardner puts some muscle into some of his grooves, running close to Chris Forsyth’s wide-angle electric boogie in “Bird Food.” “The Road to Eastern Garden,” though, is pure limpid transcendence, Buddhist monastery bells jangling as Gardner’s warm, inquiring melodic line intersects with rubbery bends on bass. Give this one a little time to sit, but don’t miss it.

Jennifer Kelly

Hearth — Melt (Clean Feed)

Melt by Hearth

This pan-European quartet’s name suggests domesticity, but the fact that none of its members lives in the country of their birth probably says more about the breadth of their music. The closest geographic point of reference for the sounds that pianist Kaja Draksler, trumpeter Susana Santos Silva, and saxophonists Ada Rave and Mette Rasmussen’s make together would be Chicago’s south side. Their dynamic blend of angular structures, extended instrumental techniques, and obscurely theatrical enactments brings to mind the Art Ensemble of Chicago, even though the sounds on this concert-length recording rarely echo the AEC’s. But it is similarly charged with mystery and collective identity.

Bill Meyer

Klaus Lang / Konus Quartett — Drei Allmenden (Cubus)

Drei Allmenden (translation: Three Commons) treats the act of commission as an opportunity to create common cause. For composer and keyboardist Klaus Lang, this is a chance to push back against a long trend of separation and stratification, with musicians bound to realize the composer’s whim, no matter the cost. Invoking works from the 16th century, he penned something simple, flexible and open to embellishment. Then he pitched in with Konus Quartett, a Swiss saxophone ensemble, to get the job done. The three-part piece, which lasts 43 sublime minutes, amply rewards the submersion of ego. Lang’s slowly morphing harmonium drones and Konus’ long reed tones sound like one instrument, enriched by tendrils of sound that rise up and then sink back into the music’s body.

Bill Meyer

Lynch, Moore, Riley — Secant / Tangent (dx/dy)

Secant | Tangent by Sue Lynch, N.O. Moore, Crystabel Riley

Electric guitarist N.O. Moore is barely known in these parts. I’ve only heard him on one album with Eddie Prévost a couple years back, and the other two musicians, not at all. But on the strength of this robust performance, which was recorded at London’s Icklectick venue, it would be a loss to keep it that way. They combine acoustic sounds with electronics, courtesy of guitar effects and amplification, in an exceedingly natural fashion. Each musician also gets into the other’s business in ways that correspond to the one spicy suggestion made by one cook that elevates another’s dish to the next level. Susan Lynch’s clarinet and flute compliment Moore’s radiophonic/feedback sounds like two flashes of lightning illuminating the same dark cloud, and her vigorously pecking saxophone attack mixes with Crystabel’s cascading beats like idiosyncratically tuned drums. This is one of the first albums to be released on Moore’s dx/dy label; keep your eye out for more.

Bill Meyer

Maco Sica / Hamid Drake Tatsu Aoki & Thymme Jones—Ourania (Feeding Tube)

OURANIA by Mako Sica / Hamid Drake featuring Tatsu Aoki & Thymme Jones

Ourania is named for the muse associated with astronomy in Greek mythology, and the album has an aim for the stars quality. In 2020, Chicago’s Mako Sica lost not only the chance to play concerts, but one third of its number. Core members Brent Fuscaldo (electric bass, voice, harmonica, percussion) and Przemyslaw Krys Drazek (electric trumpet, electric guitar, mandolin) could have just hunkered down with their respective TV sets. Instead, they booked themselves three other musicians who make rising above circumstances a core practice. The duo convened at Electrical Audio with Hamid Drake (drums, percussion, Tatsu Aoki (upright bass, shamisen), and Thymme Jones (piano, organ, balloon, trumpet, voice, recorder, percussion), rolled tape for a couple hours, and walked out with this album. The 85 minute-long recording (edited to about half that length on vinyl, but the LP comes with a download card) exudes a vibe of calm, even beatitude, with twin trumpets and Fuscaldo’s echo-laden, nearly word-free vocals weaving though a sequence of patient grooves like migrational birds on the glide.

Bill Meyer

Mar Caribe — Hymn of the Mar Caribe (Mar Caribe)

Hymn of the Mar Caribe b/w Rondo for Unemployment by mar caribe

Some musicians burn to make something new; others generate attention-getting sounds designed to maximize the potential of their other earning activities; and others, well, they just want you to sway along with their version of the good sounds. Mar Caribe falls into that last category. This Chicago-based instrumental ensemble has spent most of the last decade maintaining a robust performance schedule, and it would seem that recording is pretty much an afterthought; a photo of the test pressing for this 7” was posted in May 2019, but the release show didn’t happen until August 2021. Sure, COVID can be blamed for part of the delay, but one suspects that mostly, these guys just want to play, and they didn’t bother to stuff the singles in the sleeves until they knew when they’d next be leaning over a merch table. The titular suspends anthemic brass and pedal steel over a swinging double bass cadence, and if there was a moment during the night when the band invited the audience to pledge allegiance to their favorite drink, this is what they’d be playing while they asked. Guitars lead on the flip side, whose busy twists and turns belie the implied laziness of the title, “Rondo For Unemployment.”

Bill Meyer

Mint Julep — In a Deep and Dreamless Sleep (Western Vinyl)

In A Deep And Dreamless Sleep by Mint Julep

These songs traverse a hazy, dreamlike space, diffusing dance beats, dream-y vocals and synth pulses into inchoate sensation that nonetheless retains enough rhythmic propulsion to keep your heart rate up. “A Rising Sun” filters jangly guitar and bass through a sizzle of static, letting tambourine thump gently somewhere off camera, as voices soothe and reassure. “Mirage” pounds a four-on-the-floor, but quietly, angelically, like a disco visited through astral projection or maybe a really rave-y iteration of heaven. There’s an ominous undercurrent to “Longshore Drift,” in its growly, sub-bass-y hum, but glittering bits of synth sprinkle over like fairy dust. This is indefinitely gorgeous stuff, ethereal but surprisingly energizing. Dance or drift, take your pick.

Jennifer Kelly

Monocot — Directions We Know (Feeding Tube)

Direction We Know by Monocot

Directions We Know is an LP of free-form freak-outs generated by an instrumental duo that includes one musician who you might expect to perpetuate such a ruckus, and one that you might not. The more likely character is drummer Jayson Gerycz, who may be known for keeping time with the Cloud Nothings, but has shown a willingness to wax colorizing in the company of Anthony Pasquarosa, Jen Powers and Matthew Rolin. The happy surprise is Rosali Middleman, whose singer-songwriter efforts have kept her guitar playing firmly in service of her songs. She doesn’t exactly abandon lyricism in Monocot, but the tunes serve as launching ramps for exuberant lunges into the realm of voltage-saturated sound. On “Ruby Throated,” the first of the record’s four extended jams, Middleman lofts rippling peals over a near-boil of  drums and churning loops. By the time you get to “Multidimensional Solutions,” the last and longest track, her wah-wah-dipped streams of sound have taken on a blackened quality, as though her overheating tubes have burned every note.

Bill Meyer

Obits — Die at the Zoo (Outer Battery)

Die At The Zoo by Obits

Few aughts rock bands held more promise than Obits. The four-piece headed by Hot Snakes’ Rick Froberg and Edsel’s Sohrab Habibion emerged in 2005 with a stinging, stripped-back, blues-touched sound. Froberg’s feral snarl rode a surfy, twitchy amplified onslaught, that was, by 2012 a finely tuned machine. I caught one of the live shows following Moody, Standard and Poor at small club in Northampton the same year this was recorded (so small that I was sitting on a couch next to Froberg, oblivious, for 20 minutes before the show), and what struck me was how well the band played together. The records sound chaotic, and that was certainly there in performance, but the cuts and stops were perfect, the surfy instrumental breaks (“New August”) absolutely in tune. At the time this set was recorded in the Brisbane punk landmark known as the Zoo, the band was near the peak of its considerable powers—and regrettably near the end of its run. Die at the Zoo is reasonably well recorded, rough enough to capture the band’s raucous energy, skilled enough so you can understand the words and hear all the parts. It hits all the highlights, blistering early cuts like “Widow of My Dreams,” and “Pine On,” the blues cover “Milk Cow Blues,” and later, slightly more melodic ragers like “Everything Looks Better in the Morning” and “You Gotta Lose.” The guitar work is particularly sharp throughout, its straight-on chug breaking into fiery blues licks and surfy whammy explosions. It’s a poignant reminder of a time when American rock bands played ferocious shows halfway across the world (or anywhere) as a matter of course and a fitting eulogy for Obits.

Jennifer Kelly

A Place To Bury Strangers — Hologram (Dedstrange)

Hologram EP by A Place To Bury Strangers

A Place To Bury Strangers returns with a new rhythm section and renewed focus on the elements that made its version of revivalism the loudest if not brashest of the New York aughties. Sarah and John Fedowitz on drums and bass join Oliver Ackerman on the five track EP Hologram which is the most concise and vital APTBS release for a while. For all the criticism of copyism thrown at the band since their early days, APTBS has always been as much about Ackerman’s production skills and feel for texture as musical originality and the songs on Hologram sound fantastic at volume. Beneath the sonic onslaught of fuzz and reverb, not a brick is misplaced in this intricately constructed sonic wall. True “I Might Have” is pure Jesus & Mary Chain and “In My Hive” a Wax Trax take on Spector but Hologram is an endorphin rush of guitar driven noise bound to make one forget the world, if only for a while.

Andrew Forell

Praises — EP4 (Hand Drawn Dracula)

Jesse Crowe’s work as Praises has been ongoing since 2014, but has shifted in tone, instrumentation and emphasis since then. While the first two EPs have more of a full, rock band feel, the third one and 2018’s full-length In This Year: Ten of Swords took things in a more electronic, sometimes industrial direction. It was an even better fit for the rest, probing creativity evident in Praises’ work, and 3/4s of the new EP4 are in a pleasingly similar vein. The echoing, ringing denunciations of “We Let Go” and “A World on Fire” are fine examples of Praises’ existing strengths, but the opening “Apples for My Love” is immediately captivating in a very different way. Gauzy and rapturous, it’s a reverie that keeps the satisfying textural detail of the other songs but turns them to different ends. It’s not something that was missing from Crowe’s work before — again, the other tracks here are also very good — but a reminder that what Praises has shown before is not the extent of what they can do.

Ian Mathers

The Sundae Painters — The First SP Single (Leather Jacket)

“This is a supergroup, is it not?” someone asked the Sundae Painters bassist Paul Kean on social media last year, to which he responded, “Some may choose that title. We prefer superglue.” Kaye Woodward, his wife and longtime bandmate in both The Bats and Minisnap, takes the lead vocal on “Thin Air,” one of the pair of A-sides found on their new band’s debut seven-inch. From the outset, Kean’s unmistakable bass playing and Hamish Kilgour’s (The Clean/Mad Scene) drumming lock into a psychedelic march, with the other instruments weaving like kites above, vying for position on the same breeze. “You fight your way down/You fight your way up/You wait for the dust to settle,” Woodward sings. A few gentle strums cut their way through the parade, and a guitar calls out gull-like from above, before everything trails off as if something potent has just kicked in. On the flip side, “Aversion” has an old friend-like familiarity to it, soundwise (if not lengthwise) sitting somewhere between VU’s “The Gift” and “Sister Ray.” Things begin a little stand-offish, though, like you’ve interrupted a guitar pontificating to a rapt audience — it turns its head to look you over, falling momentarily silent, before picking right back up where it left off. Kilgour’s spoken vocals join the conversation, as the song builds towards a groovy kind of fever pitch. “You look a little stoned,” he says, before responding to his own observation. “Well me I’m a little bit groggy/But it ain’t too foggy/I can see some way of getting out of here.” By this point, both guitars (played by Woodward and Tall Dwarfs’ Alec Bathgate) are full-on screeching and howling, and as the song sputters to a sudden finish, our man’s left waiting for someone to buy him “a ride out the gate.”

Chris Liberato    

Thou — Hightower (Self-released)

Hightower by Thou

Hightower is the latest in a string of digital compilations from Thou, most of which collect songs that have been previously released on small-batch splits, 7” records and other hyper-obscure media that briefly circulated through the metal underground. You might be tempted to pronounce that a cynical cash-grab, but Thou has posted Hightower (along with previous compilations, like Algiers, Oakland and Blessings of the Highest Order, a killer collection of Nirvana covers) on their official Bandcamp page as a name-yo’-price download. Thanks, band. Beyond convenience, Hightower has an additional, if a sort of inside-baseball, attraction. The band has re-recorded a few of its older songs with its latest, three-guitar line-up. Longtime listeners will recognize “Smoke Pigs” and “Fucking Chained to the Bottom of the Ocean,” which already sounded terrifyingly massive back in 2008 and 2007, respectively. The expanded instrumentation, new arrangements and better production give the songs even more power and depth, all the way down to the bottom of the effing ocean. Yikes. And there are a few additional touches, like K.C. Stafford’s clean vocals on “Fucking Chained…,” which provide an effective complement to Bryan Funck’s inimitably scabrous howl. Rarely has being pummeled and feeling bummed out been so vivifying.

Jonathan Shaw

Tropical Fuck Storm — Deep States (Joyful Noise)

Deep States by Tropical Fuck Storm

Fueled by exasperation as much as anger, the new album by Melbourne’s Tropical Fuck Storm rounds on the myriad ways in which the world has become a “Bumma Sanger” as leader Gareth Liddiard puts it on the eponymous song about COVID lockdown. A roiling meld of psychedelic garage garnished with elements of hip hop and electronic noise it’s close in method and mood if not sound to another Australian provocateur JG Thirwell whose Foetus project girded maximalist surfaces with rigid discipline. If the Tropical Fuck Storm sought to mirror current conditions, they succeed but lack of clarity in both production and intent makes Deep States a frustrating experience. Backing vocals from Fiona Kitschin (bass), Erica Dunn (keys and guitar) and Lauren Hammel (drums) leaven Liddiard’s blokey pronouncements and there are some good sounds and biting words but the band’s determination to overelaborate and underdevelop musical ideas makes this album seem like a lost opportunity.

Andrew Forell

Marta Warelis / Carlos “Zingaro” / Helena Espvall /Marcelo dos Reis — Turquoise Dream (JACC)

Turquoise Dream by Marta Warelis, Carlos "Zíngaro", Helena Espvall, Marcelo dos Reis

Turquoise Dream documents an example of an encounter that is a mainstay of avant-garde jazz festivals, in which out of towners mix it up locals that they may or may not know. This particular concert, which took place at the Jazz ao Centro Festival in 2019, is one such encounter that deserves to live past the night when it transpired. It featured three stringed instrument players who live in Portugal and a Polish pianist who is based in Holland. But they don’t sound like strangers at all. Violinist Zingaro, cellist Espvall, and guitarist dos Reis blend like flashes of sunlight reflecting off of waves, adding up to a sound that is bright and ever-changing. Warelis, who is equally resourceful with her head under the lid of her piano as she is at the keyboard, adding fleet but substantial responses to her hosts’ quicksilver interactions. The result is music that is resolutely abstract but closely engaged.

Bill Meyer

Wharflurch — Psychedelic Realms ov Hell (Gurgling Gore)

PSYCHEDELIC REALMS OV HELL by Wharflurch

Wharflurch is just plain fun to say — but there are at least two ways in which the name also makes sense for the band that has chosen it: it has a bilious, nauseous quality that matches the vibe of the pustulent death metal you’ll hear on Psychedelic Realms ov Hell; and if you separate the words, you can conjure a sodden, rotten wooden structure, swaying vertiginously over a marshy expanse of water, which is filled with alligators and decaying organic material. Imagine that sway, and that stink, and then imagine yourself collapsing into the viscous fluid, soon to be gator chow. Sounds like Florida, and that’s exactly from whence Wharflurch has emerged. Which also makes sense. Is Wharflurch’s music “psychedelic”? Depends on what you hear in that word. If you want to see hippies dancing ecstatically on a verdant, sun-drenched stretch of Golden Gate Park, then no. But if you have spent any time in the warped, dementedly distorted spaces that psychedelics can open (less happily perhaps, but very powerfully), then yes. Wharflurch likes to accent its meaty riffs and muscular thumps with weird flutters and electronic effects that frequently have a gastric, flatulent quality to them. The saturated and sickly pinks and greens on the album art do a pretty good job of capturing the music’s tones. So do the song titles: “Stoned Ape Apocalypse,” “Bog Body Boletus,” “Phantasmagorical Fumes.” Still game? I’m sorry. But I’ll also be standing right there next to you, on that wobbly, lurching wharf, watching the gators swim near.

Jonathan Shaw

Whisper Room — Lunokhod (Midira Records)

Lunokhod by Whisper Room

That the title of Whisper Room’s fifth album is taken from Soviet lunar rovers makes a certain sense, given how potentially frustrating it might have been for the trio to be working at such a distance. Generally their other records are recorded live, in one room, seeing Aidan Baker (guitar), Jakob Thiesen (drums) and Neil Wiernik (bass) exploring simultaneously, hitting whatever junctions of psychedelic/shoegazing/motorik sound come to them. With Baker in Berlin and travel understandably limiited, this time they recorded their parts separately, layering them together (and bringing in sound designer Scott Deathe to add the kind of pedal processing their sound engineer normally does live). The result certainly sounds as collaborative as ever, seven seamless tracks making up nearly an hour that makes the journey from the friendly, clattering percussion of “Lunokhod01” to the centrifugal ambience of “Lunokhod07” feel perfectly natural. Even though it explores just as much inner and outer space as Whisper Room ever have, there’s something very approachable about Lunokhod that makes it one of their best.

Ian Mathers

[yeetingmyfeeling]

Run, Run, Run

Chapter Ten

The bell rang throughout the school, signalling the first class of the day. A few people had already come in, but Amelia was helping Brian around while another girl dealt with all the parents and children. 

Now, was Brian’s time to shine. He was placed at the front, Amelia by his side. Some kids had come in late, mostly high school students. So, Brian had to give the students late slips to take to their teachers. Easy enough. Most of the students didn’t really care there was a new office person, though one young girl tried to strike up a conversation.

Next Brian had to sort through some notes. They were notes for an excursion. For year six, going to the zoo. There were two different classes, so he had to sort the papers into which class. Then he had to sort those two piles into piles of who had paid, who paid online, and who hadn’t paid. It was a little tedious, but he got the job done. 

After that, he had to deal with the school newsletter. Today was Tuesday, and they usually go out on Mondays. Apparently, they were very busy yesterday and didn’t have time. So, Brian was given class roles for every class in the school. He groaned, there was a lot. Fourteen middle school classes which included kindergarten, then only six different groups for high school. High school was smaller because they would just get together as a year group. This however made the group much larger. 

After Brian had very tiredly sorted through all of that, not complaining once, it was Recess. Amelia gave him a delivery job, then told him to go have lunch with Brock and Jon. So Brian went and dropped off the stack of papers to a very polite teacher, then found Brock and Jon’s staffroom.

His friends were excited to see him. They sat him down and asked about how his day was going so far. He told them everything, saying the other staff members were nice, and the students he met as well.

After recess, he went back to the front office. Andy found him, and took him to the canteen. The canteen had two sides, one for the middle school and one for the high school. There was a huge kitchen though, that Brian admired.

There were four workers for each side, making eight in total. Brian would make the ninth, if he got the job. He would be switching between both sides, which he didn’t mind. He was working on the middle school side, and he started talking to one of the male workers. 

Adam, was his name. He was incredibly nice Brian thought. Apparently, he was dating Andy. Brian wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. During the time before lunch, they prepared food. They started making food, then set up everything, making sure everything was stocked. Adam showed Brian how to do everything.

Brian wasn’t allowed to do much of the cooking yet, which he didn’t mind. He enjoyed standing back, watching and learning. He helped the girls with setting everything up. Finally, the bell rang saying it was lunch time. Adam pulled open the shutters as students started trailing out of class.

Brian struggled a little, but coped pretty alright. He mostly just grabbed people's lunch orders, as they were already paid for. He preferred the less people office job, but this wasn’t too bad. Plus, a lot of the kids were funny. 

The lunch rush died down, and it was slowly thinning out. The bell rang once again, signalling the last class of the day. Adam shut the shutters. Then the canteen crew, including Brian, started packing everything up. This included putting stuff away, putting stuff in fridges. Getting some stuff ready for food tomorrow, then wiping everything down.

Brian was lucky enough to be able to take some food with himself, and he thought that was a big win. There was still half an hour before the day ended, so Brian made his way to the office, and then to the staff room. He sat down and ate his food while he waited for Jon and Brock.

~~~~~

They were making their way home, Brian excitedly telling them about his day the whole time. Andy had found him just before the day finished and talked to him.

Brian got the job.

The deal was, he would work Mondays, Wednesday’s and Friday’s. He would do exactly the same routine he did today, except some days he would finish up in the office. He didn’t mind at all. He had a job!

Brock and Jon happily listened to what Brian had to say, they were excited for the younger omega. They eventually got home, and Brian practically skipped inside. Only to be attacked by his two partners.

First Tyler was there, hugging Brian. He went to start talking, but a David on his lanky legs made his way over. Attempted to anyway, he tripped, fell into the two, and the three were currently sprawled on the ground.

Brock took a photo, laughing. Jon and him stepped over the three and made their way further into the house. Jon to tell Evan the great news, Brock to shower.

Tyler grumbled, smooshed between the two other men. He manages to roll out from underneath David, bringing Brian with him. Brian giggled as he ended up now stradling Tyler. Tyler grinned, much more pleased with this position. Until David threw himself over the alphas chest.

“So, how was your day?” Tyler asked in a soft tone. He started petting David’s hair, the lanky irishman refusing to move. His other hand moved to stroke Brian’s knee.

“It was good!” Brian grinned. “I did it! I got the job! Andy, the principal, was so impressed with me, and so were the others, that they hired me! I start tomorrow!

“That’s great Bri!” David flipped over, making Tyler grunt. “I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do it.”

“I’m glad I let you go,” Tyler nodded with a smile. “You seem like you had lots of fun.”

“I did!” Brian nodded with a smile. He leaned down, pressing his lips to Tyler’s. Tyler leaned up, sliding a hand through Brian’s hair. Their lips moved slowly, Brian just enjoying the feeling. He hummed quietly, letting out a soft moan.

“Hey!” David thrusted his head between the pair. He connected his lips with Brian, and the younger Irishman made a noise of happiness.

“Can you all stop making out on the floor,” Evan spoke from behind them. “Congratulations on the job Brian.”

“Thanks Evan,” Brian grinned when he pulled away from David. Evan gave him a smile then walked away.

~~~~~

Brian was working his second day, and he liked it even more than his first. Plus, he was also getting paid for this day. So that made it significantly better. David was picking him up today, because he didn’t have work. Tyler, unfortunately, had to stay late at  work.

David sent Brian a quick text saying he was there, so Brian finished up his conversation with Amelia and rushed out. He spotted the beta and jumped into the car. He threw his bag in the backseat and David drove off.

David moved a hand over, placing it on Brian’s thigh. Brain smiled from the touch. “How was work today?”

“Good,” Brian nodded. “Much the same as yesterday, and I met a few more people.”

“That’s great Bri,” David smiled at the omega. He loved seeing the younger so happy. “How do you feel about helping me cook dessert tonight? We’ll have to go to the shops first.”

Brian’s smile grew into a grin. “I’d love to! What are we making?”

“I was thinking of sticky date pudding?” David bit his lip. 

“Sounds delicious!”

David drove them to the supermarket. They walked in, their hands clasped tightly together. David led them through the isles, taking them to where they needed to go. He held one of the green baskets in his hand, despite Brian begging to push a trolley.

The basket was quickly filled up, but not without Brian whining for a treat. David rolled his eyes and got a small toblerone bar for himself, Brian and Tyler. They went to the checkout, and the lady serving them gave a weird look.

“A male omega?” She asked. David stood in front of Brian. “That’s rare, and he’s unmarked. Are you his boyfriend?”

“One of them,” David answered bluntly. He gestured for her to hurry up, and she did with a frown. In no time, they were back in the car. “I hate people,” He grumbled.

Brian leaned over the console, kissing David’s cheek. The beta blushed. He soon drove them home, not wanting to waste any more time. Some people were there, but they just went straight to the kitchen. David went about setting up their cooking area.

“Preheat the oven please Brian,” David gave the omega an award winning smile. Brain rolled his eyes and, upon being told what temperature, turned the oven on. As he did, David greased a baking pan then put baking paper on it. “Boil some water?” Brain nodded and went over to the kettle, making sure it was full then flicking it on. As he did, David grabbed a bowl and put in dates and bicarb soda. Once the water boiled, David grabbed it from Brian and poured it into the bowl.

They moved over to the electric mixer. Brain grabbed the ingredients and put in butter and sugar per David’s orders. He put down the mixer and turned it on. The ingredients mixed together. David cracked two eggs into the mixture, using the mixer to put it all together between each egg. After it had been mixed, David grabbed the date mixture and poured it into the mixer bowl. Brain grabbed a large metal spoon and started to stir it all together.

David grabbed the pan he had previously greased and lined, and Brian poured the mixture into it. He slid it into the oven and set the timer on his phone. Once that was done, David went over to the stovetop. He grabbed a pot, putting the temperature on medium heat. He poured in sugar, cream and butter. He stirred the sauce until it was cooked then let it rest on low heat.

As they waited for the pudding to cook, they talked together in the kitchen. Brian sat on the counter, David between his legs. The beta had his arms around the omegas waist, his face buried in his shoulder. They weren’t talking about anything in particular, just random things that came to mind.

David’s hands kept inching down to Brian’s ass, making the smaller giggle and slap his hands away. David would whine and shake his head, making Brian get a mouthful of hair. David lifted his head up, pouting at Brian. “Briii,” He whined.

“Daithiiii,” Brain whined back with a grin. “What?”

David didn’t respond, just stared into the eyes of his partner. A light blush dusted Brian’s cheeks. Before he could question the beta again, lips were on his. He suppressed a noise of surprise and was quick to kiss back.

Brian’s hands came up, threading into David’s hair. The betas hands were on Brian’s ass again, and this time he let them stay there. Their lips moved together in sync, in a slow and meaningful kiss. Until David sucked on the plump lower lip, making Brian gasp quietly.

Sliding his tongue in, David immediately claimed dominance. His tongue searched around the warm cavern of Brian’s mouth. Brian reciprocated by sucking on David’s tongue, making the beta moan. He went to pull back, only to have his bottom lip captured by Brian.

It would have gone further, if there wasn’t sugar dumped over their heads. Brian let out a squeal, and David whined in annoyance. Looking over, it was Tyler with a grin on his face. “Making out in the kitchen? Where people can see, and without me?”

Brain giggled sheepishly. “You said you were staying late at work.”

Tyler nodded. He came to stand behind David, wrapping his arms around him. He started to brush the sugar out of the betas hair. “I was going to, but then some other things came up so I go to go home early.”

Brian leaned over David’s shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to Tyler’s cheek. David laughed when he heard Tyler huff. A ringing shot through the kitchen, catching their attention. It was Brian’s phone, telling him the pudding was ready.

He quickly turned off the alarm and jumped off the counter. He grabbed the oven mits and leaned down, grabbing the putting out of the oven. He placed it on the counter. David grabbed the pot with the sauce and poured it over the pudding.

“That smells so good!” Tyler commented. He stuck his finger in the sauce, wincing from the heat. David swatted at him, and Tyler stuck his finger in his mouth. He hummed. “Tastes good.” His two partners rolled their eyes at them. 

Brian felt happy, he felt content. He had friends, he had a house, he felt safe. He even got a job despite his little education, and two of his friends were going to help him get that education. This is only something the omega could have dreamed of. Yet, he had it. He even had two wonderful boyfriends that he wouldn’t trade for the world.

Often, it all just felt like a lie. 

https://my.w.tt/QDqe8WU4Dbb

[muschiettistrashmouth]

Happiest Place On Earth - Andrés Muschietti

Note: Hello there! I’m finally posting here again ♥ I hope you like it and if you want something new feel free to request it or go to my masterlist! Love you guys. 

Ooooh and I’m already thinking of a part two for this one. (This is not the one I was thinking of posting yet, I thought of this one on Monday or something like that)

Requested? Yes

Requests:  Anonymous: can you do more Andy Muschietti stuff? I've kinda developed a crush on him and I read your headcanons. please! thanks. |||   credulouskhaleesi: So 1st and most importantly, I give you absolutely nooo pressure on starting (you let those creative juices stew and create magic when you're ready) but I just realized I never asked you to tag me when you do create the wonderful fanfic featuring the awe-inspiring, Argentinian, aesthetically-perfect, Andrés (Alliteration inspiration?)! I would owe you my 2nd born if u remembered me (sorry, I'm pretty found of my 1st)🤷🏾‍♀️😁❤ T.I.A!

WARNINGS: Toxic relationship, aggressive ex boyfriend, violence, suicide talk (it appears like in one little part but i thought I needed to tw it)

Disneyland is supposed to be the happiest place on earth and yet here you are, listening to your boyfriend Kyle talking shit about how you treat him. And to make things worse, his "friend" Rebekah is getting out of one of the attractions. Yay. "Kylee!" The girls voice is loud and all you wanna do is get out of there. "Bekah! How are you?" Yeah, right. As if you didn't know they fucked. You knew they were together yesterday, you could feel her perfume in his clothes. "Your girl is soooo muzzy." 'God, just get me out of here's + "Okay, rule number one!" The older man started to list, everyone stopped talking and looked at him."Don't lose the kids. Yes, Hader and Chastain are part of the kids." "Hey!" Both said together and then laughed their ass off. "That's what I mean." He was serious, almost as if he was a horror movie crazy doctor or something. "Rule number two: don't do anything stupid." "That's for you." The Wolfhard kid elbowed Hader. "It's not." The older man that played his character put his tongue out like a little kid would do. "It's for both of you, actually." "Aww c'mon man." "Third rule is..." He waited for everyone to look at him. "If you need anything you can ask me or Barbara. Any questions?" Hader put his hand up and everybody groaned. "Yeah, dad, can we have fun?" The comedian asked playfully. "Just don't embarrass yourself or anyone here, ok? Go." As soon as the group started walking towards the park, the blonde woman looked at her brother. "You don't need to act so mad all the time you know?" " I don't know what you're talking about. Let's go before they do something stupid." The man ran to  little Jackson to help him find the rides he wanted to go to, the first rule was already broken. + Waiting to get your food, you were constantly trying to block all the conversation your boyfriend and his "friend" were having. "We should go to the Prince Charming Carrousel." Kyle eventually looked at you to see if you were paying attention, returning to look at her lovingly. "Everything for you, honey." He had said. "Everything for you, honey." You said mocking him. "What?" Kyle looked at you right away. "Huh? Oh nothing, nothing." You faked smile, hoping he wouldn't grab your arm this time, hoping you wouldn't have bruises to cover up. "That's what I thought." The way he looked at you made you shiver. "Can we please go see Belle? Or Ariel? I really want to take some pics with them." You said eating your churros. Some people passed by looking at your back and arms that still had some bruises from last time, God you hated that. "Excuse me, ma'am." A soft voice called you. "I'm lost, can you tell me where the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train is?" You got down to talk with the kid, trying to remember the exact place. "JACKSON!" You heard a man. "Jeez, kid! Don't do that to me." "It's okay, she'll help us, Andy!" Jackson said to the man. You could feel Kyle's eyes burning in your back, but hey, it's just a kid. You gave him the directions to the attraction. "Thank you, ma'am." The little kid said when you got up. He was really sweet. "Thank you." The tall man looked at you and you could see he had some curiosity in his stare. "Sorry for yelling earlier, I'm with a bunch of kids here, it drives me mad." "Not a problem, sir." You laughed. "Let's go, y/n." Kyle grabbed your right arm. You stayed quiet for a moment to stop yourself from shivering. "Okay, honey." "Is that a problem?" The man, Andy, said. "I'm her boyfriend. Stop trying to fuck her." 'oh no' you thought 'its happening again' "Kyle, I was just giving the kid some information, it's nothing." After you said that the only thing you felt was a slap in your face. "Don't talk like that to me, you whore. I'm sick of it." He was complaining that people were looking at you the whole week. It was a matter of time this would happen. "Let her go." Andy said, ready to fight him. Kyle was still holding your arm tightly. Jackson was scared, holding the blonde woman's hand, both starring at you three. Rebekah was sitting on a bench, eating your churros and watching the little show. "Make me." The blonde woman gave Jackson to a redhead woman that went to talk to her, they seemed like good friends. She then walked your way. Andy punched your boyfriend's face, he let you go and the blonde hugged you and got you closer to her friend and the kid. It all happened so fast, they were punching each other, Kyle was surprisingly losing, and then a security guard came running. Andy explained the situation while holding Kyle on the ground. "I'll take it from here." He got Kyle and started walking. "And what about him?" He started yelling, trying to get away from him. "He didn't do anything... As far as I care you tripped and fell on the ground." The guard explained. "Y/n! You come right here." You tried to go, but the blonde was still holding you in place. "I have to go." "You don't have to." She said. "Not anymore." "You don't understand... He'll get mad and then beat me up again." This came out between sobs. "He said that if I ever leave him he'll kill himself!" "He won't, honey." The redhead said softly. Her hand on your shoulder. You were crying. Hard and painfully. Your knees on the ground, the blonde still hugging you, and you hold onto her tightly. "Everything's gonna be okay." "Barb." Andy said, helping you both get up. They talked a little bit, but you didn't understand Spanish. She was still hugging you, saying everything is going to be okay and that you're free now, Andy went to buy some cold water for you. "I didn't got the chance to know you better. My name's Barbara, you can call me Barb if you want to." Barbara smiled. "I'm y/n, you can call me y/n/n." You smiled back. People like Barbara and Andy were rare in your experience, normally people would let Kyle beat you and even blame you for that. "Thank you for helping me. I really appreciate that." "Oh honey, that's the least we could do. I'm so sad that he was able to slap you tho." "Not the first time, not the first place..." A sigh escaped your lips. "Here." Andy gave you the water bottle. "Put it on your cheek." "Thanks." He scared you a little. He was handsome, but really tall. And he also looked like a crazy doctor. "Not for that, miss." He nodded to a group of mostly men that joined the redhead woman and then looked at you again. "You should come with us to the attractions. That way no one will bother you and... You can actually have fun." "That would be nice." "Great, you will love them." He gave you his hand to help you up again. "These two are clowns. They are really idiots." He pointed at the redhead and a goofy looking man. "She's Jessica and he's Bill, you can call him Hader. The others are Isaiah, Andy, James, the other James you can call Ransone, Bill and Jay." He pointed at them while saying the names. "The kids are Finn, Wyatt, Chosen, Sophia, Jack, Jeremy, Jaeden and  Jackson." "It's a pleasure to know you all." You had stopped crying and were drying your tears. The rest of your day was incredible. They made you laugh and were super friendly to you. Hader was the funniest guy you ever met. When you went to get lunch, Andrés - that was his real name - paid your lunch, he insisted. After the fireworks, everyone headed to the parking lot. "Hey, message me when you get home okay?" Andrés said after stopping by your car. You gave him your phone so he could put his number in it. "I'll probably put you in our group chat." "That's really nice of you, Muschietti." "Drive safely, honey!" Barbara said opening up her window. "You too!" You got inside your car. That really was the happiest place on earth.

TAGS:  credulouskhaleesi

If you want to be tagged in something pls tell me, I’ll gladly tag you ♥

[hillbillied]

i found your post about andy and eddie's kinks from a couple of years ago and i was just wondering do you have any updated thoughts?

firstly, thank you anon!! I love writing these two!!

secondly fuck, I left this ask in the ‘box for a while because, double fuck, I couldn’t think of any kinks I hadn’t included in the OG post!! I am very sorry for the delay!

(I had to read through them to check, still crispy if I do say so... let’s see what else we can get in there. god I could go on a whole bunch more about the ones from the OG post lmao my fave losers in love having great sex!)

The Secret Kinks of Andrew Haldane and his Lieutenant, Edward Jones (pt.II)

(highly nsfw, 18+ only)

I’m gonna rag on Andy’s exhibitionism kink a little louder than before because it’s so embarrassing. going to the cinema is a chore because Andy doesn’t have the patience for long movies and he really can’t get behind anything that’s not a really fucking hilarious comedy or a truly gripping drama. anything even a little lacklustre (most of what’s on in the 50s) has his gaze wondering elsewhere

the amount of times Eddie has been enjoying his movie experience (he loves movies, btw, he didn’t get to go to many as a kid – think Gunny-level attention in the scene where the marines are watching For Whom the Bell Tolls) and suddenly a hand is brushing his knee. he can’t help but roll his eyes because Andy, good lord, can’t you enjoy the plot for five-fucking-minutes?

luckily for Andy, he’s got a semi-indulgent boyfriend or at least a condoning one; either Eddie will lift his longs legs and put them over Andy’s lap, teasing him with the weight whilst simultaneously giving him some cover to enjoy himself (in no relation to the movie) – or, if he’s feeling generous and equally turned on, he’ll give his stupid fucking would-be husband a hand so he can go back to his popcorn. Eddie’s got skilled fingers and only makes eye contact with his flustered, heavy-breathing boyfriend in scathing glances to show his “disapproval”

car sex is as normal to the two of them as breathing. it started fairly uncreative and vanilla, just screwing in the one long seat of Hillbilly’s pickup. it’s a little on the tight side but Eddie’s more flexible than many would believe. Andy loves having two hands just under his knees, pushing his thighs up against his chest so he can fuck him nice and deep. it has Eddie’s toes curling and his teeth gritted and colourful curses dripping out the cracked window (no AC means a real sweaty cab)

that, or Hillbilly will be riding Andy passenger side. he likes smoking in his car and he likes riding Ack Ack’s cock, so this is a win-win scenario. the leverage from the seat means he can light up while rolling his hips, humming around the cigarette. it’s an erotic sight for sure; Andy has to cover his eyes with his hand while laughing out a breathless “shit, Eddie…”

romantic evenings include soft kisses and mutual handjobs in the truck bed, after giving up on star gazing. less romantic evenings include parking somewhere discreet (or… not, because Andy’s exhibitionism is a nightmare and the 60s were pretty wild) to get them both out on the road. there’s sweaty handprints on the hood where Andy has Eddie bent over it, pinned between his chest and hot metal. it’s some of the hardest, roughest sex they have, and Andy usually uses Eddie’s t-shirt for leverage, something to twist into an psudo-harness to pull him back against his dick. Hillbilly likes to growl out threats – “you stain m’ car, Andy, I’ll fuckin’ kill you” – but it’s all a ruse to cover how there’s sweat dripping from his curls and how his pants for air are turning into moans and how he’s the one staining the tire where he’s cum, hard enough to have him flat out over the hood and gasping

this is all while the car is parked, of course. Andy loves giving Eddie head while he’s driving. it’s lucky Hillbilly’s had to drive bigger, scarier machines than a Ford, honestly. his disapproval (fake, every time) is portrayed where he grabs Andy’s hair and forces his cock down his throat. “Cop car” he’ll say, “gotta stay down”. he’s a lying sack of shit but it’s worth the sin to glance down at Andy when he lets him pull back, spittle running from his tongue and his coughing turning to a gasp then a moan in quick succession. it’s really difficult for Eddie not to grin super wide and push Andy’s head back down for more

(side note: Andy’s a service top so he gives great head, none of this fake dom shit. they each say the other gives it better because they are both weak for one another and stupidly in love)

gags become a thing after a while. Andy is an expert at introducing/asking about bedroom ideas without being condescending and he knows he has to decipher Eddie’s interest without it sounding like he wants him to shut the fuck up. (he does not, he loves everything that comes out of Hillbilly’s mouth, from stone-cold threat to lazy joke to breathless groan)

but a thing they do become. (it starts with Andy shoving a couple of fingers in Eddie’s mouth to “keep quiet”, an old familiar trick from the war, and it snowballs from there) so the next time Andy’s bent over Eddie, facing him and maybe got his hands pinned above his head, and Eddie decides to let off a quip, Ack Ack stops. slows his motions and pretends to think, then reaches for his master plan. the first time, it’s just fabric, shoved into Hillbilly’s mouth. his pink cheeks (from semi-annoyance or embarrassment, not sure) and deep frown and almost-offended stare are fucking priceless

(Andy buys a proper gag, one Eddie can bite down on. one he can grab the back of and pull Hillbilly’s head back with so he can kiss his neck, tell him how fucking hot his moans are when they’re all he can make)

collars slip in there somewhere. they’re not sure where that came from but there’s a suspicion it may have come from the wholesome conversation about adopting a dog (which they both want to do they’re just terrified of going to pick one and falling in love with more and then what are they gonna do?? have fifty dogs?? but I digress)

Andy’s not one to be embarrassed of his sex purchases but he was definitely scratching his neck when he bought it. luckily, his boyfriend can read him like a goddamn book. the man likes being in control, sure, dominating the room in his own masterful way, definitely – that doesn’t change the look of complete adoration that takes Andy’s features when Eddie buckles the collar around his neck

it fits well with Andy’s orgasm denial kink. he doesn’t do it to Eddie much (he’s got enough kinky shit he can do to him) but Hillbilly definitely does it to him. it’s a treat to test Andy’s self-restraint and not with any bondage. Eddie’s a very patient man, used to unfulfilling sex prior to Ack Ack, so he’s got all the time in the world. he loves making Andy wait, teasing him with a grip around the base of his cock. he gets a cock ring for him later, when his tight grip isn’t cutting it anymore

there’s nothing better than watching Andy’s thighs tremble, sat on his own hands on a chair, desperately keeping his cool while Hillbilly carefully lowers himself onto his cock (Eddie uses that collar to get him to look him in the eye)

they usually can’t be bothered with food play (“Food is f’ eatin’, Andrew, not wastin’.”) but there’s occasional things. Andy has a tendency to take Eddie’s fingers in his mouth and lick them clean, whether from an accidental or purposely spillage. he doesn’t really care what’s on them so long as it’s edible and he can watch Hillbilly’s lip curl watching him

Eddie’s definitely done a “spillage” of his own once or twice. except his are obvious, just how he likes them; he’ll straight up pour a splash of beer on his dick and invite Andy to come lap it up. his house, his rules and all. Andy always obliges

Eddie gives a great spit ‘n shine to boots, Andy’s found. he loves demanding Eddie get on his knees and do the daily duties he learned as a marine, making sure his captain’s uniform is in order. (slightly funny if Ack Ack’s not wearing anything but his boots while saying it, but he can live with that) having Hillbilly look up at him – “Like this, Skipper?” - as he runs his tongue across the leather is more than worth it

Eddie likes tearing open clothes, though he feels really, really bad about it. it’s obvious it turns him on because Andy loses a lot of shirt buttons over the years. (they sew them back on together, which is nice, gotta know how to mend and make do. Eddie actually knows a lot about cross stitch and Andy adores learning from him)

one time Andy’s waving his ass Eddie’s way, has been for a whole morning whilst they were gardening, potting flowers, weeding the lawn, working, Andy, we’re busy – so it’s just been a build up of hard-ons and no time to deal with them. and they’re wearing old clothes for the task, threadbare jeans. (that used to be Eddies, even the ones on Andy’s ass) so when Hillbilly finally presses up against Andy, bites his ear, and grabs his pants with both hands - he just pulls. they tear open and Andy feels Eddie shudder against him (shortly before he feels Hillbilly’s cock pushing inside him but that’s just a massive bonus)

Andy’s an indulgent boyfriend so he buys underwear and pants on the cheap and waves them Eddie’s way. the “rippables” as he calls them. made to be ripped, end of. no hard feelings, good riddance to them

I said they were too lazy for bondage because they can just pin each other and I stand by it; it remains a special thing. one of the ‘hardcore’ things, like the belt and gun play. mainly because, while they can actually pin each other down quite effectively with limited wiggle room, there’s still the ability to y’know, headbutt each other. because they’re also both trained in how to flip a guy that grabs you. fatally, if need be

so tying Eddie up (Andy’s always been down to be tied up, blindfolded, etc. by Eddie because he trusts literally one man in the whole world and it’s Edward Jones) is a big thing. because Eddie has had to fuck people up who tried to fight him and his brute strength is what’s gotten him through (finding something capable of realistically holding him is also a struggle in sexual hilarity because fuck, it’s gotta be thick rope or actual police handcuffs)

when Andy asks him about it (and presents the short length of rope he went for because he couldn’t find handcuffs yet) Eddie immediately says yes. because he trusts Andy completely. but he also says not tonight and not every night and not any time he can see it coming. if he works himself up about it, he’ll embarrass himself

when it does happen (Andy’s can read him right back, he knows when), Eddie ends up with his hands tied behind his back. he jokes about Ack Ack’s poor navy knotwork and gets a laugh back. then Andy slow bends him over the bed. that’s all Eddie thought he’d do, which isn’t a bother, long legs are still able to roll away. until Andy kneels down below him, caressing his thigh lovingly, and nudges his legs open. Eddie ends up standing bent over on the mattress with each ankle tied to a leg of their heavy bed frame

it’s a lot but Andy takes his time, kisses his way up from Eddie’s calf all the way to the back of his neck, keeping a hand pressed to his inner thigh. the tremble there is aroused and overwhelmed all in one. the first time, Ack Ack just enjoys giving his boyfriend a nice, slow handjob, supporting himself over Hillbilly so he can feel his weight. it’s amazing to have Eddie coming apart under him, whispering for more until he gets a shaking orgasm, biting the sheets to try and cover how loud he whimpers (it’s too much for Andy, too, and he cums just from rubbing between Eddie’s thighs)

Andy’s trademark aftercare is as excellent as ever and they sit together with some tea on the bed, listen to the radio, Eddie leaning against his chest with two loving arms around him. he asks if next time Ack Ack will fuck him and naturally, Andy just says “if you want me to” while kissing his temple. Hillbilly wipes his face and asks “please”

[multifandomfanficss]

A Summer Job in Gotham

Prompt: The OC is Jim’s cousin and she starts her summer job filing papers at the police station. She meets a couple familiar faces along the way.

WARNGINGS: Abusive Father

"Are you fucking kidding me?! You're so stupid!" I wake up to hear my father screaming at my mother. Another morning I wake before my alarm to the sound of my parents fighting. Actually, it's more like my dad fighting and my mom listening. This isn't the first time and I know it won't be the last. I get out of bed and run straight for the bathroom, turning on the shower and slipping out of my clothes. I step into the hot water and close my eyes, taking in the nice feeling. I spend a couple minutes just enjoying the feeling before I begin to wash my body and eventually my light brown hair. After washing a turn off the water and step out of the shower. I wrap a towel around me and go to pick out my clothes. I just grab a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Keep your outfit simple and you won't be noticed. I wait for my dad to leave the house for work and then I go downstairs to get some breakfast. I grab some bread and quickly start to butter it, until I see my mother trying to choke back tears. I hug her. "You really shouldn't let him treat you like that." I tell her. "It's okay, Andi" she tells me. "It's not okay, mom! You need to stand up to that asshole." I inform her. "Andrea Lee Clark! Watch your language!" She exclaims. "I'm sorry mom, but it's true." I respond. "Please don't forget to talk to your cousin about that summer job after school." She reminds me. "I won't." I promise. I kiss her, grab my breakfast, and rush out the door to the bus. I hop on the bus and take the first available seat I see. I look out my window, watching all of the miserable people doing their daily business on the streets of Gotham. I see both the poor, living in pain, and the filthy rich, not giving a damn. It's disgusting how nobody seems to care. We go through our lives putting one thing first and one thing only. Ourselves. When we put others first it's only because WE feel pain. Not the other way around.

The hours tick by as sit in my full school. I just want it next week. The last day of my senior year can't come any faster. The last bell rings and I rush out of class, practically run down to my locker. I can't be late to meet my cousin at the precinct. I stuff the homework into my bag and throw my science text book into my locker. I then throw my backpack over my shoulders and close my locker door. I exit the school and begin my short walk to the police station.

When I arrive the whole place is buzzing with action. I look around for my cousin. An officer approaches me. "May I help you, miss?" She asks. "Yes, do you know where I can find Jim Gordon?" I ask. "Right this way." The woman offers a smile as she walks me to his desk. "You can wait here. He should be back any moment." She informs me. I thank her and she disappears to do her job. I take a seat in his chair and open the file in front of me. It is full of pictures and statements from people from the circus. I look at the outside of the folder again and read aloud the title. "Jerome Valeska." I say quietly. "Interesting, right?" I hear a voice come from behind me. It makes me jump. I turn around to see my cousin. "Hey, Jim. You scared me." I say giving a smile. "Hey, Andi. Glad you're already looking at the Jerome files. I need you to go through and find every other file we have on him." Jim informs me. "I didn't even do a job interview yet." I say laughing. "We're short staffed and could really use somebody as quickly as possible. A woman named Kristen Kringle will train you." He responds. "You'll just being doing filing and stuff like that." He adds. "Okay. Also, why do you need the Jerome files?" I ask. "We need to copy them and bring them down to Arkham." He answers. "Come on, I'll show you around." He offers. He leaves his desk and I follow.

Jim shows me around the precinct. He ends to tour at my office. We walk in to see a pretty woman in a cute outfit with a pair of glasses. She has her brown hair tied up and she is surrounded by officers who are trying to flirt with her. It's actually less of a flirt and more of a sexual harassment. "Don't you think you men should be getting back to work?" Jim interrupts them. They all awkwardly leave the room and Kristen appears to look more relaxed. "Hello, Detective Gordon." Kristen speaks. "Hi, Kristen. This is Andrea-" He begins. "Andi." I interrupt. "You're going to be training her." He finishes. "Okay. Nice to meet you, Andi." She greets me. "Her first assignment is to find all the files relating to Jerome Valeska. Do you think you can help her out?" He asks. "Sure thing, Detective Gordon." She responds with a smile. "Well, I guess I'll leave you girls to it. Andi, you know where my desk is. Bring me the files when you're done." He says. "Good luck." He adds before exiting the room.

Kristen and I mostly make awkward small talk as she teaches me to learn my way around the files. I mostly don't pay attention to her. I enjoy spending my time reading through the rest of the files on Jerome Valeska and the circus. The room has a boring feel to it until I hear a knock on the door. I look up to see a tall man with dark brown hair and big black glasses. He fiddles nervously with the file he's holding "Ms. Kringle, I have a file for you." He says excitedly. "Thank you, Mr. Nygma." She responds. He glows at the sound of his name coming from her lips. "Edward Nygma." He says putting a hand out to greet me. "Andi Clark." I say shaking his hand. "So, Ms. Kringle... What is harder to catch the faster you run?" He asks. "I don't know." She responds. "Your breath." He says pleased with himself. I begin to laugh and he smiles at me. "Mr. Nygma, would you please do me a favor?" Krista asks. "Anything!" He responds in excitement. "Would you please give me some time to work with Ms. Clark? I was told that I have to train her." She informs him. "Of course, Ms. Kringle. It was nice to meet you, Ms. Clark." He says as he exits the room. "Nice to meet you too Mr. Nygma." I say as he walks out the door. "Thank God he's gone." Krista says quietly. "Why? What's wrong with him?" I ask, displeased. "He's just creepy." She responds. "And his riddles drive me crazy? How am I supposed to know the answers?" She asks. "Just give him a chance. He seems sweet and to be fair his riddles are pretty good." I say with a laugh. "Well then you like him so much, you date him!" She says a little angry. "He's way too old for me and he's not really my type anyway." I tell her truthfully. "Why don't you date him?" I add. "He's too nice. I don't deserve a nice guy like that." She begins. "And to be completely honest he's a little boring for my taste." She says the last part a little quieter. "Whatever. I'm sure whoever he ends up with will be a very lucky lady." I say finishing off the conversation and getting back to work.

As soon as I finish finding all of the files and learn my job along the way, I pile them in my arms and carry them to Jim's desk. Normally cases don't have this many files, but the collected statements from every person in the circus, as well as some of the audience. That's more witnesses than usual. I approach Jim's desk and place the files on top neatly. "Ready to go?" He asks. "Go where?" I respond. "To Arkham. We gotta drop off the files." He says in a matter-of-fact sort of way. "Alright. I'll grab my jacket!" I say practically running back to my desk in excitement. I have a pretty good feeling that this isn't a normal thing so I can't pass up an opportunity like this. I grab my jacket and quickly walk back to meet Jim. Then we hop into his car and drive off to Arkham Asylum.

"A few rules before we go in." Jim begins to speak as we approach the gates of Arkham. I nod. "Don't make eye contact and don't speak to them." He orders me. "Yes, sir." I say with a laugh. We stop at the gates and a security guard opens them for us. We park his car and enter the large building. On our way to the office we pass what appears to be like some sort of cafeteria. There are many people locked in the room doing various activities. Some are speaking to each other and others are keeping to themselves. I scan the room and that's when I lay my eyes upon him. The reason I'm here. Jerome Valeska. His hair is slightly messy, but still looks good and his smile is large. He laughs like a mad man, which makes sense because that's what he is. A crazy, barbaric madman who killed his mother. Then he turns his head. His eyes lock with mine and the corners of his mouth turn up into a large grin. He approaches the metal fence between us and wraps his fingers through the holes. "Hello, Gorgeous." He says to me. I refrain from speaking, but I can't look away from him. Jerome looks down to my hands to see the files and then looks back up to my face. "Are you here just for me, doll face?" He asks with confidence. I just keep my mouth shut as instructed by Jim. "Surely a lady this beautiful would have a loud mind. Why don't you let some of those voices in your head out to play? Speak to me." He orders. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Jim standing behind me. "Let's go." He says quietly as he pulls me away from the red headed maniac.