#also 'try new things' being about coming out of your comfort zone! mike trying the pinapple pizza and ted going on the ferris wheel

[wheelercore]

Understanding the scene of Ted putting the tie on Mike (Mike commenting on how it's too tight and it's choking him and Ted saying that's how it's supposed to be) in a very Mike-Ted parallels way. AND IT WAS ON FRONT OF A MIRROR TOO. Shrimp colors everywhere.

[thegayhimbo]

Stranger Things Lucas on the Line Review

If you haven’t yet, be sure to check out my other Stranger Things Reviews. Like, Reblog, and let me know what your thoughts are regarding the show or the upcoming season! :)

Stranger Things Comics/Graphic Novels:

Stranger Things Six

Stranger Things Halloween Special

Stranger Things The Other Side

Stranger Things Zombie Boys

Stranger Things The Bully

Stranger Things Winter Special

Stranger Things Tomb of Ybwen

Stranger Things Into The Fire

Stranger Things Science Camp

Stranger Things “The Game Master” and “Erica’s Quest”

Stranger Things and Dungeons and Dragons

Stranger Things Kamchatka

Stranger Things Erica The Great

Stranger Things “Creature Feature” and “Summer Special”

Stranger Things Tie-In Books:

Stranger Things Suspicious Minds

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Runaway Max (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 1 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 2 of 3)

Stranger Things Darkness On The Edge Of Town (Part 3 of 3)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 1 of 2)

Stranger Things Rebel Robin Book and Podcast (Part 2 of 2)

Stranger Things Hawkins Horrors Review

Stranger Things Flight Of Icarus

Stranger Things Episode Reviews:

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 1 of 2)

The Vanishing of Will Byers (Part 2 of 2)

Synopsis: Set between the events of seasons 3 and 4, the book follows Lucas during his freshman year of high school as he attempts to chart a different course for his life, taking up basketball as a means of trying new things and getting out of his comfort zone. However, Lucas soon realizes this won't be as easy as he initially thinks: His attempts to blend in with the popular crowd put him at odds with Mike and Dustin, his relationship with Max is deteriorating, and Lucas is forced to face hard truths about how insidiously racism is woven into Hawkins and what it means to be one of the few black kids in a mostly white town......

Observations:

Lucas on the Line acts as a conclusion to what I call "The Outcasts Trilogy," which began with Rebel Robin, followed by Flight of Icarus, and ending with this book. All these Tie-In novels center around three characters (Robin, Eddie, Lucas) who are considered outcasts in Hawkins: Robin is secretly a lesbian in a homophobic culture, Eddie is the town freak due to his interest in D&D, guitar, his low socioeconomic status, and his family's reputation because of his dad's criminal past, and Lucas is a black kid in a society where racism and prejudice are still prevalent. All 3 characters deal with feeling inadequate and unwanted, and attempt to cope with their situations by either blending into the crowd, or else attempting to escape Hawkins. All 3 of them eventually face hard truths and learn to stop denying the aspects of themselves that make them unique.

In Lucas's case, now that he's older and in high school, not only is he beginning to realize the implications of what it means to be black in a neighborhood where racism still lurks, but he's also beginning to understand his family's history, as well as coming to terms with an uncomfortable truth: As much as his friends care about him, they will never truly understand the bigotry and micro-aggressions Lucas is forced to endure as a person of color.

The show has touched on themes of bigotry and racism before, both in Lucas's interracial relationship with Max (which makes him a target for Billy) and the type of bullying he experienced from Troy and James. However, this book expands on those themes by going more into Lucas's fears and insecurities at being discriminated against for being a nerd AND being black, as well as finding someone who understands what he's going through. It also, IMO, deconstructs the "token minority" trope by showing what it's like to be considered that in a group of white friends from the perspective of said minority character, and how dehumanizing it feels.

This book left a lot to ponder. It's not perfect, and there are some flaws in its structure (mostly relating to continuity errors and missed opportunities), but it does inspire discussion, and gives a solid point-of-view to Lucas's character.

Part 1: Lucas's Journey

For as much as this fandom talks about Steve's character development (not that the discussion is unwarranted), Lucas is also another character (next to his sister Erica) who's had subtle but notable growth over the course of the show.

Season 1 had Lucas start out as a loyal member of the Party who was invested in finding Will, but also at odds with Mike and Dustin over El due to his distrust of her (something which got him a lot of flak from fans at the time). All of this came to a head in the junkyard when Lucas realized El was deliberately misleading them so they wouldn't find the Gate, leading to an ugly fight within the group. However, once things settled down, and Lucas realized El's misdirection was her attempting to keep them safe and not an act of maliciousness, he apologized for how he acted (with El also apologizing for lying) and welcomed her into the group, formally accepting her as a friend and member of the Party. Notably, in spite of his misgivings, he never betrayed El to the authorities, demonstrating that his heart was in the right place.

Season 2 continued on with this development. Contrast Lucas's acceptance of Max into the Party and his willingness to reach out to her vs how he initially acted with El in S1. It's notable since, at the time, Mike was hostile towards the idea of Max becoming part of the group. While Lucas had a crush on Max (which is normal for a boy his age), what separated him from the others was his willingness to listen to Max, who had always felt unheard in her house. That conversation on the bus rooftop in S2, where she opens up to Lucas about her home life and how she fears she's becoming like Billy, was meaningful to both of them, not just in Lucas reassuring Max she was a good person, but also Lucas really seeing Max for who she was and loving her for it. And in spite of the threat Billy posed, Lucas refused to be scared off by him (even kneeing Billy in the groin when he pinned him to the wall), and that willingness for Lucas to fight for Max was one of the many reasons Max finally stood up to Billy and made it clear to him that she was done with his abuse.

Season 3 showed Lucas was still navigating his relationship with Max (after getting dumped 5 times), as well as doing his best to advise Mike about his relationship with El. He also got some cool moments, from saving El from the Meat Flayer by chopping off its tendril, to gathering the fireworks to use against the Meat Flayer at the Battle of Starcourt. In spite of this, I remember at the time some fans (including me) wished Lucas had a bigger role in the story. The Duffer Brothers must have heard those criticisms because Lucas ended up getting his own arc in the next season.

There were a lot of great moments in season 4, but Lucas's story was a favorite for me because of how relatable it was. He was in high school trying for a fresh start. He still participated in D&D (Hellfire Club) but also joining basketball because he wanted to break out from being the nerd who was picked on all the time, and because he enjoyed the sport and wanted to give it a shot. He was discovering his identity, which is a big part of the high school experience. Adding onto this, a part of him wanted to achieve popularity as a way of being recognized instead of constantly looked down upon. He got what he wanted when he won the basketball championship............and then experienced firsthand the darker side of popularity, which forced Lucas to ask himself if this is what he really wanted.

Lucas on the Line expands more on the S4 arc by showing the events that led to Lucas doing basketball, and how that put him at odds with Mike and Dustin for a while. We also get to see the circumstances behind his breakup with Max, as well as her spiral into depression following Billy's death.

Something I appreciate is the book doesn't shy away from the trauma and PTSD Lucas is dealing with. The show usually gives that focus to characters like El, Max, Will, Joyce, Hopper, and Nancy, so it's refreshing to see how Lucas has processed everything since Will's disappearance in 1983. The answer is not well. It's even gotten worse since the Battle of Starcourt:

Similar to the way Robin in her novel talks about Hawkins High as a metaphorical monster, there are multiple instances where Lucas makes comparisons between his living situation in Hawkins and the Upside Down:

Granted, this is a metaphor that anyone who's watched the show enough times can pick up on: For as much as Hawkins presents itself as an idyllic neighborhood, there is rot within it, and NOT just from the Upside Down. The town has deeply rooted bigotry entrenched in its structure that takes on many forms (racism, homophobia, bullying, fear-mongering, forced conformity, etc) which the characters are forced to endure on a daily basis. From a symbolic standpoint, the Upside Down is all the nastiness within Hawkins that's covered up with a pretty surface. It may be a town that presents itself as perfect, but the moment you actually take a closer look at your surroundings, you realize that "perfectness" isn't genuine, and that people who present themselves as friendly can reveal just how awful they are in the right circumstances.

I live in a neighborhood like this, and I've been forced to learn time and again that some people in my town (though not all of them) have deeply rooted prejudices and will normalize being cruel because they can get away with it, all the while justifying their behavior as normal. Becoming cynical and cautious is how I've survived it. It reminds me of how Max thinks about her abusive situation with Billy: If you keep the monsters close to you, you're never caught by surprise.

Getting back to Lucas, he's painfully aware of this. Part of his PTSD and trauma isn't just from encountering the horrors of the Upside Down, but also from all the years he was bullied in school:

Lucas explains this to Mike and Dustin on the show, but part of his reasons for joining the basketball team is because he thinks it'll get him in with the popular crowd, and people will stop harassing him. What he doesn't understand (and what Mike and Dustin pick up on pretty quickly) is that even if Lucas changed everything about himself to fit in, he will always be walking on eggshells with that group. If he does everything right, he'll be tenuously accepted, but if he gets one thing wrong, or makes the team look bad in any way (even unintentionally), they will rip him to shreds. I even question what would've happened if Lucas failed to make the winning shot at the championship game: Would the team and the crowd have been as accepting of Lucas for that, or would he have been ostracized on the spot?

I know there are people in this fandom who vilify Mike and Dustin for going to Hellfire Club over Lucas's basketball games. As time has passed, I maintain they made the right call. Not only were they bullied by the basketball jocks way before they joined Hellfire Club (with Jason doing nothing to stop it), but they could see Lucas was deluding himself, and that these were not the kind of people they wanted to be friends with. At least with Eddie, they were accepted for who they were without having to make major changes to their identities to fit in. Even with Lucas, Eddie still welcomed him into the Hellfire Club despite his initial reluctance and the fact Lucas was on the basketball team. He didn't care that Lucas was black (which was a problem for several white basketball jocks like Lee Garroway) or that Lucas had extracurricular activities outside of Hellfire. He just cared that Lucas wanted to be there and was willing to invest in their D&D Campaign.

(SIDE NOTE: This is a big reason I roll my eyes hard at Billy stans who whine about Eddie being a similar replacement for Billy. The major differences between Eddie and Billy is a.) Eddie wasn't a bully, b.) Eddie didn't care about becoming Kings of Hawkins High like Billy did, and c.) Eddie could afford to be in the same room with Lucas for more than 30 seconds without being racist towards him or wanting to attack him. Enough said.)

And it should be noted that while Mike and Dustin are skeptical about Lucas doing basketball, they eventually accept it and even show up to one of his basketball practices (along with Erica) where Lucas does his best and still gets shit from his teammates for how he played.

Both Mike and Dustin saw how Lucas was being treated, as well as the fact Lucas was benched up until the championship, and they rightfully concluded that even if Lucas became popular, a.) It wouldn't change how THEY were being treated (no matter what Lucas told them), and b.) Lucas would forever be trying to live up to expectations from others until he became a shell of his former self. It's a lot like what Chrissy Cunningham went through where she maintained the perfect popular image as the Queen Bee of Hawkins High at the cost of her mental health and well being.

To Lucas's credit, he eventually realizes this at the end. As angry as he was at Dustin and Mike for skipping the Championship, he came to understand why they made that decision. When the time came between choosing Jason and the basketball team vs his friends, he chose his friends:

Caleb McLaughlin even noted this in an interview post S4: Lucas wanted to find acceptance, but the problem is you can't force other people to accept you. Mike and Dustin, in spite of their flaws, accepted Lucas for who he was. Jason and the other basketball players (with the exception of Jay) only accepted Lucas when he either made the team look good, or when they wanted something from him.

This doesn't necessarily mean the book (or even the show) paints Lucas wanting to do basketball as a wrong thing. It was a choice like everything else. Lucas's reasons for wanting to do basketball went beyond just wanting to be popular: He wanted to try something new. He wanted something he was passionate about. Not only did he find that, but he also got to share it with another teammate who understood him: Jermaine "Jay" Demario.

Part 2: Lucas's Relationships with other characters

Jay is a new character from the book who's not only one of the few black kids in Hawkins, but also one of the only basketball players who treats Lucas decently and takes him under his wing. He's the one who encourages Lucas to step out of his comfort zone and try out basketball. He's also one of the few jocks (though he doesn't consider himself a jock in the traditional sense) who's a decent person, and Lucas looks up to him as a mentor the same way Dustin does with Steve. Jay gives Lucas useful advice about balancing his extracurricular activities with other aspects of his life, and he's the one who trains Lucas to do well at basketball, from practicing after school with him, to having Lucas check out videos of NBA playoffs and finals to improve his skills. He also accepts Lucas wanting to do Hellfire Club, and tells him there's nothing wrong with being both a jock and a nerd.

Speaking as someone who made Varsity for cross-country and track & field AND took AP classes during high school, I can relate to that last bit! 🙂

Jay was a cool character, and I'm sad he wasn't in the show. It's nice Lucas was able to have a friend, however briefly, whom he could confide in, and who understood the issues Lucas dealt with because of who he was and where he lived (more on that in a minute).

Erica's relationship with Lucas also gets a bit more time here. She's still snarky towards Lucas, but there are moments demonstrating she cares for him. For instance, despite initially criticizing how Lucas played during a practice, she is pissed when Lee and some other basketball players call Lucas a racist slur:

Later on, after Lucas becomes the target of a bomb threat, there's a quiet scene where Erica comes in to hang out with Lucas. Even though she doesn't verbally say it, it's clear from her demeanor she's genuinely worried for Lucas's safety:

She may exchange barbs with him, but she knows where to draw the line. The fact she also showed up for all of Lucas's basketball games on her own accord (minus the championship) despite Lucas being benched conveys she supports her brother in her own way. I liked the evolution of Lucas and Erica's relationship in S4, and I'm hoping that continues into S5. If the final scenes of S4 are any indication of foreshadowing, they'll likely be working together, so we'll probably get to see more of their sibling dynamic.

Max's relationship with Lucas also gets focus. For the most part, they are not in a good place. Ever since Billy's death at Starcourt Mall, Max has fallen into a deep depression and become withdrawn from everyone, including Lucas. A good chunk of the story is Lucas trying to reach out to Max and make it clear to Max that he's there for her. The problem is he doesn't know how since Max keeps rejecting any attempts to hang out with him, or for him to help her. The dynamic is sadly realistic for anyone who's had friends or family who suffer from chronic depression and feel frustrated or helpless when they try to help that person recover. Lucas does everything he can for Max in the book, from giving her the space she needs, to offering to listen to her. We also get to see Lucas's perspective on why he cares so much for Max (just like Max's novel showed us why she was attracted to Lucas):

What's sad is Max does understand what Lucas is trying to do. She knows he cares about her. At the same time though, she can't pretend things are normal anymore, or that she doesn't feel immense guilt over how she wished something horrible would happen to Billy and got her wish granted (as she admits to Vecna in the S4 finale), or that her life hasn't changed for the worse:

BTW, the breakup between Max and Lucas that's alluded to in S4 happens in the book. It's during Thanksgiving when Lucas sneaks out of his house to give Max some Thanksgiving dinner while she's at the skating park. It's also the first time Lucas hears Max play "Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush and truly understands the meaning of that song........and what it means for their relationship:

What's admirable about Lucas is that, in spite of what's going on with Max and her attempts to distance herself from him, he still keeps fighting for her any way he can, right up to the end of the book when Vecna tries to kill Max the first time in the graveyard. And it pays off. Those memories she has of her time with Lucas, combined with the moments she shared with her friends, allow her to break free from Vecna, to remember she has something to live for, that she has people who care about her, and that she doesn't have to be consumed by guilt over what happened to Billy.

Speaking of Billy, the few times Lucas brings him up, he does NOT talk about Billy in a positive light. If there was any doubt about whether Lucas hated Billy, this book puts that to rest. One passage in particular stuck out:

I know Lucas is projecting his anger towards Billy in this moment (not that I blame him), but the idea that Vecna/The Mind Flayer was drawn to Billy because of the darkness in his heart is an interesting idea. We know Vecna initially spared El at Hawkins Lab while killing the other kids because he saw a lot of himself in El (both with her struggles developing her powers, and her treatment under Brenner and her "brothers/sisters") and believed El would be grateful to him for "saving her." It's also implied on the show (and by Vecna's actor, Jamie Campbell Bower) that Vecna feels the same way about Will, which is why he has a creepy interest in him. Billy in many ways resembles Vecna in his rage and sadistic desire to hurt everything and everyone around him, and that aspect may have attracted Vecna to Billy. Granted, it's hard to know if that's the case since Billy was initially driving that night to hook up with Karen before crashing by the warehouse where that piece of the Mind Flayer was nesting, but it's also possible Vecna could have sensed Billy before then, and thought he'd make a great candidate to put his plan into motion.

Then there's Lucas's relationship with Jason: Lucas picks up pretty quickly that something's off about Jason, particularly when he's preparing for the prep-rally speech by slamming his hands in the lockers hard enough to leave dents. Lucas also isn't impressed with Jason's speech, and rightfully notes that Jason invokes the Starcourt tragedy for "cheap audience reactions" (which is why Max looks hurt in the scene when Jason brings up Billy). There's also a scene after Jason's confrontation with Eddie in the cafeteria where he and Andy make disparaging remarks about people who live in trailer parks. When Lucas speaks out against that (because Max was forced to move into a trailer park after Neil left Susan), Jason loses his shit:

By the time of Chrissy's death when Jason's organized the basketball team into hunting down Eddie and tortures Gareth for information, Lucas finally understands just how unhinged Jason is, and even compares Jason to Billy:

I know some people defend Jason on the grounds that Chrissy's death impacted him in a negative way, and that Patrick's later death made things worse because it happened under circumstances that couldn't be explained, which is why Jason jumped on the "Hellfire Club is a Satanic cult" bandwagon. While there is some truth to this, it ignores how Jason already had negative qualities brewing underneath, and that Chrissy's death didn't create these issues, but instead brought them to the surface in the worst way possible. Jason already had inherent prejudices against D&D and anyone he deemed as a "freak" (as depicted in the Flight of Icarus book) and the show established that he had a very self-absorbed, hot-headed, entitled attitude even before things got bad. Maybe he was initially able to keep these negative qualities under control, but they didn't magically manifest out of thin air just because Chrissy died.

Regardless of whether we chose to admit it, we all have a dark side. We all have aspects of our personality we're not proud of. Jason is no different in that regard. The problem is the lack of self-awareness on his part about those flaws, combined with his self-righteous belief that he was doing the right thing even though his actions put innocent people in danger.

I could sympathize with Jason over the deaths of Chrissy and Patrick, but my sympathy ended when he organized a Witch Hunt against the Hellfire Club (who had NOTHING to do with Chrissy and Patrick's deaths) and not-so-subtly threatened Nancy at the gun store and made it clear he intended to go after Mike. At that point, I was done with him. Judging by the final conversation between Lucas and Jason, where Jason refuses to hear Lucas's explanations about what's going on because it doesn't fit with his preconceived notions, Lucas was done with him as well:

Jason: "I never should have let you in the door."

Lucas (coldly): "And I never should have knocked. I thought I wanted to be like you. Popular. Normal. But it turns out normal's just a raging psychopath."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Part 3: Lucas's Experiences with Racism and Bigotry

Lucas has been made the target of racism by characters like Troy, James, and Billy on the show, but this book is where Lucas begins to understand the full ramifications of what it means to be black in a world where racism is ingrained into society. We also get to see how it psychologically impacts Lucas and feeds into his worst insecurities.

Take Lucas's introduction to the basketball team for instance: For the most part, his tryout is average (not awful, but not spectacular), but Jason still allows him on the team for one particular reason:

There's always been a question in the fandom about whether Jason was racist in the same way Billy was. I know Caleb doesn't think so, and argued Billy was worse (and given the the amount of mental gymnastics certain fans have done to pretend Billy wasn't racist, as well as Caleb's experiences with racism in the fandom, I get where his position is coming from), but this book suggests otherwise. Jason may not have been as overtly racist as Billy was, but there is a soft bigotry at play here in Jason allowing Lucas on the team BECAUSE he was black as opposed to Lucas's actual skills. Some people will probably argue against Jason being racist because of his friendship with Patrick, but that's basically the "I can't be racist because I have a black friend" argument.

What's depressing is this haunts Lucas for the remainder of the book. In spite of how hard he practices to get better, he can't shake off the idea that he was only let on the team because of his skin color (and because of the stereotypical idea that all black people do basketball), and not because he earned it. This is reinforced by other members of the basketball team, led by Lee Garroway, who not-so-subtly takes every opportunity to remind Lucas of this:

Speaking of which, this book introduces another bully in the form of Lee Garroway, and he's a loathsome piece of work. Like Billy, he is outwardly racist towards Lucas, but he takes it a step further in targeting both Lucas and Jay because he, along with several other members of the team, are pissed that they made it to the subs roster (thinking Lucas and Jay only got that position because they're both black) and could potentially make Varsity, which is a position they all want. This all culminates in Lee rigging both Jay and Lucas's lockers to spray them with glitter, and then later rigs Lucas's locker again with a bomb that almost kills a janitor working at the school. Lucas manages to catch Lee in the act by planting a camera in his locker after the first attack, and even though the footage gets Lee's friends expelled, Lee is still let off the hook because his father is a donor to the school and bribes Mr. Higgins into covering it up. It's similar to what happened in Flight of Icarus when Eddie accuses Mr. Higgins of looking the other way when it came to athletic players like Tommy and Jason who bully other students and are allowed to get away with it because their fathers have the principal in their pockets.

Remember that profoundly stupid comment from the Angela apologist I talked about in my review of Darkness on the Edge of Town?

This is why that comment struck a nerve: Putting aside how this take is completely devoid of critical thought, it misses the fact that the reason bullies like Angela, Jason, Tommy, and Lee feel justified in their behavior is BECAUSE most of the adults enable them. At best, they do the bare minimum in disciplining these teens, and at worst, they look the other way and punish people like El and Eddie who try to stand up for themselves and others.

And I'm sorry, but the "They are children, none of them are responsible for what they do" excuse can take a flying leap into a volcano for all I care. If you deliberately make a bomb that you know will put someone in the hospital (or even get them killed), you are responsible for your behavior. This isn't like Lee was incapable of understanding what he was doing was wrong. To imply otherwise is stupid beyond belief. 🙄

What's infuriating is not only does Lee barely get a slap on the wrist for what he did, but the bomb threat was enough to cause Jay and his family to move, meaning Lucas lost one of the few friends he could depend on.

On top of that, this isn't even unique to Jay's situation. Both of Lucas's parents also have history which involved moving around to find a place where they could, at the very least, be tolerated in their community. All the while, they knew on some level they'd never truly be accepted:

Lucas's parents did the best they could in trying to protect Lucas and Erica and raise them so they wouldn't have to go through the same circumstances they did. The problem though is that racism has become normalized to such an extent that there isn't a way to escape it.

On a related note, this is why I find the current attempts by Conservatives to stop Critical Race Theory from being taught in schools to be vile: These people want to pretend racism is a thing of the past, like it isn't still impacting people of color in the United States to this day, and are perfectly okay trying to whitewash history and limit any attempts at discussion to achieve that goal. It's been an ongoing issue where I live (to the point that last year, three new members were elected to the school district so they could push their agendas and prevent CRT and other "undesired talking points" in schools), and I know it's been an ongoing issue elsewhere in the United States (*cough* Florida *cough*). John Oliver did a brilliant breakdown of this last year, and I highly recommend watching it:

Just like with many of the other books in this series (Darkness on the Edge of Town, Rebel Robin, Flight of Icarus, etc) Lucas on the Line illustrates that many of the social issues these characters experienced in the 80s continue to be a problem today. Very little has changed, and while people might be more willing to hide their bigotry, or pretend it's something else, that doesn't mean it's gone.

Part 4: Missed Opportunities and Continuity Errors

Like I said before, this book isn't perfect, and has its flaws. I can't speak for what notes Suyi Davies, the author of the book, got from the Duffer Brothers and Netflix, but there were some major contradictions that were hard to ignore.

For instance, there's a flashback where Lucas is supposed to be in third grade and first experiences discrimination against him when the other kids are afraid of swimming with him because they think his "blackness" will rub off on them. While the flashback is effective in showing the insidiousness of how kids can be bigoted at a young age, it's undermined by the date this flashback is supposed to take place in: June 6, 1981. At this point, Lucas would have finished fourth grade, not third grade. On top of that, it's mentioned that Lucas wasn't friends with Mike, Will, and Dustin yet, but that's not only contradicted by other tie-in materials, but also by Dustin's claim on the show that he didn't join the Party until he was in 4th grade, which would have been around 1980. For Lucas to be in third grade in 1981 and not know any of his friends at this point makes no sense.

Then there's the third act of the book, which takes place within the first four episodes of S4: The show establishes the events in those episodes takes place between March 21st-24th, 1986. However, the book changes this so it takes place between April 4th-7th, 1986. The reasons for this are unclear, especially since this book came out AFTER S4 premiered, but I suspect it may have something to do with "Birtdaygate" (i.e. the Duffer Brothers forgetting Will's Birthday was supposed to be on March 22nd). I can't tell if Netflix was trying to retcon the dates because they were embarrassed by "Birthdaygate," or if S4 was originally supposed to be set in April before they changed it to March at the last minute (which begs the question of why they did that), but it is something that's been on my mind for a while now.

Moving past these errors, I was disappointed the book didn't expand more on Patrick's character despite having the opportunity to do so. In the show, Patrick demonstrates a friendlier side to Lucas during their time together, and I know it was speculated at the time that there was more to his interactions with Lucas. However the book doesn't explore that angle, and we don't get a lot of information about Patrick. It's frustrating because, out of all of Vecna's victims, Patrick is the only one that doesn't get his backstory fully fleshed out. We see why and how Chrissy, Fred, and Max were targeted, but it's only implied in Patrick's case. Lucas speculates Patrick had an abusive father, but neither the book nor the show elaborate on this, which makes Patrick come off as a wasted character, especially when his death could have had a bigger impact on Lucas.

Finally, this is just a minor nitpick, but I was unhappy that the book didn't seize on the opportunity of Lucas and Steve playing at least one game of basketball. There's a scene in the book when Steve offers to go one-on-one with Lucas, and Lucas turns him down:

For the story's sake, I get why they had Jay be the one to practice with Lucas as opposed to Steve, but it still feels like a missed opportunity, especially when it was implied on the show that Lucas and Steve's had a better relationship after S2 following Steve protecting them from the demodogs.

Final Thoughts:

Overall, I would recommend this book. It's interesting seeing things from Lucas's perspective, as well as how he views his relationship with others, and how he copes with his trauma. The book does a stellar job exploring how the racism inherent in Hawkins has impacted Lucas's life and well-being, and it's also a relatable journey of finding your identity and rising above the stereotypes people place around you and your community.

As for where Lucas goes from here, I'm wagering that he'll have a role in bringing Max back from the coma Vecna's placed her in, and that they'll finally get that date night at the theaters.

[theodorecanaryhood]

This world is hard sometimes

In the process of my LGBTQ fics as we are in pride month, I have just come up with a small little tiddle for you guys. Not my best, but hope you like anyway!

Bat bros x male reader

It wasn’t long for you to know how much your new family meant to you, or how much you meant to them.

Bruce was beyond, he is your Dad in many ways since he adopted you. He takes his time with you and does his best, but his nightly Bat-tivities sometimes do take a toll on him.

Dick has always been the one to make extra time for you, he played with you and always made a way for you to shine. Whether it was education or social. Dick was always the one to get you out of your comfort zone and shine the best. Plus he gives the best hugs.

Jason was moody and a little stand off-ish, but always made an effort. He is your big brother and always did his hardest when he could. He mostly was the one you would sit and read with, he has the best book recommendation list.

Tim was your gaming buddy, your hacking teacher and to be honest, your friend more than anything. You are close in age and him being slightly older always made him protective over you.

Damian is, well Damian, but as your little brother he would always choose you to go to first. After Bruce obviously.

The day you came out to the boys and your Dad was a change for you, they were accepting and loving straight away. Hugs and smiles all the way. Yet, they did change with you in some ways.

Bruce was always checking in on you whenever you were on patrol with him, he also would question every time you brought a guy over.

‘Are you two?’ Bruce asked shyly, you chuckled.

‘Not every guy I know is gay dad, he has a girlfriend’ you laughed, bless him he did try.

Dick taught you self defence, for when you were away from patrolling mostly in case anyone tried anything.

Jason was the greatest one when you came out, which really surprised you. He did take into his own hands though to teach you how to use firearms. Even tried to coax you into carrying one in case.

Tim never changed with you, still treated you the same as before. Not that no one else in the family did, they just became more protective over you which was over bearing.

Damian just had questions, mostly about how you knew you liked men, how you feel about women, how would you ever have children. Things like that.

One day during summer you were out with a couple of friends, things got heated when a ‘Karen’ decided she didn’t like you simply because you are gay. Unfortunately this still happens today.

You being a polite human being just tried to avoid the situation, but one of your friends got into an argument with her after he tried to stick up for you.

You tried to pull him away, then Karen struck back and another one of your friends got involved.

This scene ended with GCPD getting involved and you and your friends being called into questioning.

…

Commissioner Gordon walked into the station to find you in a cell with your friends, shocked he pulled you aside.

When you had explained what had happened he smiled and winked at you, telling you to sit tight.

‘Bruce, it’s Jim’ he said over the phone to your Dad.

‘Hey, what’s up?’ Bruce asked a little confused as to why Jim would call him.

‘It’s y/n, he’s here at the station’

‘What? Is he ok?’ Bruce asked in a panic.

‘He’s fine, he’s not in trouble, but I do think you should get here’ Jim sighed, Bruce ended the call with a quick ok.

…

The ride home with your Dad was painfully quiet, with Mike sitting in the backseat. He kept saying how his parents were going to freak out. Bruce offered support and took him home to explain.

After with just you and Bruce in the car, Bruce kept eyeing you over from the drivers seat.

‘So are we going to talk about it?’ He asked nonchalantly. You rolled your eyes.

‘….’ You mumbled something Bruce couldn’t quite make out.

‘Ok guess not’ he sighed, you sat up a little in your seat and began to speak.

‘This woman called me a faggot, Mike asked her politely to keep her opinions to herself and walk away. The woman started shouting and screaming saying how I was an abomination and, well Mike didn’t like it. I told him to leave it but he didn’t’ you said, Bruce looked shocked but smiled a little.

‘Mike is a good friend’ Bruce replied, you smiled.

‘Yeah he is’

‘I’m sorry son, sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately we still live in a world that isn’t accepting of everything’ Bruce offered an apology, but that wasn’t what you needed.

‘The world isn’t black and white anymore, the world is hard sometimes’ you spoke with sadness in your voice.

‘Your family and friends love you, I love you so much y/n, that’s all that matters’ Bruce smiled at you.

You smiled back and sat still in your seat while your Father drive you home.

‘Jason is gonna ask where this woman lives so Red Hood can pay her a visit, you do that right?’ You joked, Bruce chuckled.

‘Oh I know’

[aetheternity]

Hard Pass P3 (Levi X Reader)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

Levi was relieved for the silence as he clicked away at his keyboard. Mike had gone to his only late class of the entire week. Which meant Levi could actually study in his room.

The scent of tea and the small aroma diffuser on his desk as well as the open window in front of him welcomed a nice calming smell that was normally masked by Mike's gym bags and sweaty clothes. Which reminded Levi of the laundry he would have to do soon.

He pressed his tea cup to his lips feeling a twinge of irritation as he was interrupted by two knocks on the door. He looked down at the time. 6:15. A little too early for Mike to be back complaining that he'd forgotten his keys.

Then it was probably one of his girls complaining that she'd left her shit in the room. If Levi had a dollar for the amount of times that had happened he could pay for a new roommate.

The next couple knocks were a bit louder. "Levi? It's Y/N.."

Y/N?!

His face practically exploded. He stood far too fast because just as quickly he was flopping over his stupid desk chair and hitting the floor with a hard thud. He gasped audibly tugging at his knee and gritting his teeth.

"Levi? Are you ok?" Came her voice again.

He pulled himself up with a huff and staggered over to the door. Unsurprisingly he had to limp. With a quick turn of the lock he yanked open the door right into his forehead. God fucking dammit.

He groaned in a mix of fury and disgust partially because he'd idiotically stood so close when opening the door and partially because he hated the stupid inanimate object.

"Oh my god! Are you ok?" Y/N gasped, squeezing herself inside and shutting the door behind her. "Let me see? Did you hit your eye?" She asked

Her fingers were so delicate as she brushed aside his hands. So close.. Her thumb traced the already appearing red spot on his forehead. Soo close.. She brushed his hair to the side cupping his cheeks to gently reposition his head towards the light. Close....

She breathed out a little chuckle. "It's probably gonna bruise."

Levi barely registered her words. Occupied with her beautiful eyes illuminating moonlight and the dim lights in his room. His lips parted ever so slightly. When her hands fell away he gulped and jerked his head back. Trying to find literally anything to take the edge off.

"I'll.. go find you an ice pack, ok?" Y/N began already heading for the door.

"K-knee.." Levi tried and mentally cursed himself.

"Huh?" She asked, turning back.

"M-my.. t-two please.."

Her smile was gentle, "Two ice packs. Got it." And with a little wave she was out the door. Her lingering touch still causing heat to pool in Levi's chest.

~~~~

"Aww sweetie, are you sure you're ok?"

He was not. Definitely not. One of her hands was on his uninjured knee and the other was brushing his hair away from the ice pack. He didn't even know if he'd breathed in the last 20 minutes. His brain echoing the word sweetie.

The two of you had been sat on his bed as he uncomfortably laid his head back on the wall. Trying and failing to not fixate on your touch. Every brush of your fingertips was downright intoxicating.

"You look kinda red. Do you wanna try seeing a doctor or something?"

"N-no.." It was barely audible but he knew she heard when she nodded.

If there was a hole nearby he would crawl into it and never come out. Though he also didn't wanna move as the fear of making this situation worse for himself stayed ever present.

"Let me see?" He partially removed the ice pack from his forehead, spine tingling over the way she sucked in a breath. "You should be more careful."

Levi didn't answer. Just squeezed his legs closer together and sighed. In all the time he'd been in this room he'd never hit himself in the face with the door. Just what kind of power did this girl have over him.

"I know because my little cousin has done stuff like this but you should put some cream on the bump so that it doesn't get redder and it'll go down faster."

Little cousin? That wasn't a fair comparison. Little kids do stupid things cause they're kids. Did she think about him that way? Uggghhhh.

He was yanked from his thoughts by her hand coming down to squeeze his. "Are you positive you're ok? Do you need anything else?"

"I-I'm fine.."

Just as Levi said that his attention was brought to the door. Mike had barely stepped into the room and he was already grinning like a fucking idiot.

"Well, hello." He greeted, stepping closer. "Levi, you didn't tell me you were inviting anyone over. Especially not a pretty girl."

Y/N's chuckle was nervous, "Hello, you must be Levi's roommate." She stuck her hand out which Mike immediately took placing one hand on top of their joined hands.

"And you must be Y/N." He said "I've heard so much about you."

His teasing was met with a glare that could slice concrete. If Levi had known Mike was gonna come straight back to the room he definitely would've gotten rid of Y/N sooner.

"Oh? Really?" Y/N turned to look at Levi behind her. "You told him about me?" It was a split second thing but Levi could've sworn her features softened.

"Oh, no I meant Hange." Mike replied

"Oh."

Oh? Was she disappointed? It sounded disappointed? Did she want Levi to talk about her?

"But at no point did Hange tell me you were this pretty. Neither did Levi honestly, I'm kinda disappointed."

Alright that's enough of that. Levi stood. Placing the ice packs on his bed.

"You should probably leave." He gritted his teeth at how harshly it came out.

Now Mike was letting go of Y/N's hand. "Oh wait! I came to get my phone. Hange said you had it."

Levi blinked. He'd almost forgotten about that. It had been sitting on his desk since yesterday. His knee was screeching in absolute horror as he staggered his way over to his desk.

"What the hell happened to you?" Mike asked, clearly trying to hold back a snicker.

"Aw, it was an accident. I scared him."

Levi returned with the phone shooting daggers into Mike who pretended not to notice.

"Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Y-yeah.."

"Did you put your number into it?"

Levi's face perked up a little. "Yes."

"Ok, then I'll text you later." She assured, brushing her finger tips over his forehead once again. "Goodnight boys." And with those last words she took off.

"Faking an injury?! I didn't think you had it in you!" Mike celebrated as soon as she was gone.

"Dickhead." Levi scoffed.

"Hey, is that any way to talk to the best friend who just confirmed your biggest fear moot?" Mike plopped down on his bed with a playful huff.

Levi flopped down into his desk chair, staring up at the ceiling. "One you're definitely not my best friend especially after that shit. And two I'm not you I don't fake shit to get girls."

"That would totally be hurtful if it wasn't true." Mike shrugged "I meant the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Levi practically flipped himself out of his chair. "How do you assume that."

"Simple. Hange told me about her ex boyfriend. By the way it was probably that guy that took her from the library that day. And Hange says that a lot of guys find Y/N attractive. Because of this her ex got too overprotective and they broke up. But he had no reason to be because Y/N would always tell people she had a boyfriend or at least around Hange she did."

Levi stared at his barely drunk tea. The liquid probably cold after being left on the table so long. So she had dated that guy.. He had been so tall and pretty muscular looking, was that her type? She didn't seem like she was going to get back together with him.. but he was still around.

"All I'm saying is she seems loyal. You better snatch her up before someone else does or she gets back together with her ex."

His attention was drawn away by his phone softly buzzing on his table. He pressed the on button, swiping his pin and clicking the notification as it popped up.

Hey Levi, it's Y/N.

Listen ik you said you're ok but I bought you some cream just in case. I'll bring it to you tm ;)

His heart fluttered and ached remembering her touch and her kind words. If he didn't full blown know Mike was staring at him he would probably hug his phone.

~~~~

Too much time had passed and suddenly the whole school was on break. Levi had been dreading this. Not because he was a workaholic like Mike claimed but because he knew Hange was gonna drag him away and make him vacation.

And no form of vacation could possibly be more relaxing for him than curling up in bed with some books, doing some casual cleaning, and drinking tea with light music playing at all times. Mike was definitely going home during this time so it'd be the perfect way to spend his break.

But Hange's family owned a couple lodges and that meant another year of begging for Levi to come ski and freeze his fingers and toes off.

"Come on, Levi!"

"Absolutely not."

"Erwin!" Hange called to him where he sat on Levi's bed, scrolling through his phone.

"You knew he was going to say no." Erwin replied

"Which is why I brought you to help me make my case." Hange complained

"You clearly made an error in judgment then." Erwin retorted

Mike laughed from where he was laying on his own bed. "Might as well give it up Hange, Levi is just too stubborn about this. We all know he wants to be close to all my junk while I'm gone cause he'll miss me."

"I wouldn't hesitate to tell your stalker where you're going over break." Levi spat

"She'll figure it out anyway. She's a high class stalker. And I'm not her first." The room fell in uncomfortable silence but Mike just leaned back giving his full attention to his phone screen.

"That disturbing remark aside.." Erwin began shaking his head. "I'm going."

"And that's supposed to change my mind? How'd Hange force you into it?"

"It may stun you but I chose to go through with this all on my own. There are studies that claim it's good for the mind to get away from normality during breaks or away from your comfort zone to properly clear your mind. It'll also help you make less mistakes when classes resume."

Hange smiled, "Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking."

Levi rolled his eyes. "If I go you can't beg me next year." Hange's loud shrill screeching made Levi's heart drop out of his ass.

"Finally!!" Hange screamed in excitement as she wrapped her arms around Levi's neck.

"Get off already! You're such a pest!"

And that was how Levi ended up on a train for almost three long hours with Hange blabbering on about nothing and Erwin sat in the seat across from the two of them listening to podcasts while staring out the window of his own very sad music video.

And all of the crap Erwin had spewed about getting away being more relaxing proved to be completely from the ass as Levi shivered along wrapped in two scarves, a pair of gloves, his long green coat that fell around his ankles and a winter hat plopped over his ears.

"Walk faster Levi! Is that the best your little legs can do?!" Hange called, somehow racing her way up the slope with three bags. One that wasn't even hers

Levi grunted in irritation. Not only were they walking up a hill but it was covered in snow so deep that every step felt like he was falling.

"Do you need help?" Erwin asked, not waiting for Levi to respond as he hoisted the overnight bag off his shoulders.

Levi just huffed. "I swear Hange was made in a lab."

"As possible as that is, Hange was basically raised in the snow so this is the equivalent of dust for her." Erwin replied as the two of them trudged along.

"Her parents own multiple ski lodges why the hell did we go to the one up a fucking hill."

"The other closest one was more than 6 hours away. Did you really wanna be stuck on a train with Hange for more than 6 hours?"

Levi just groaned as they finally walked through the surprisingly big doors of the huge ski lodge. Hange raced over to the front desk as Erwin slipped onto the lobby couch, followed by Levi who was still kicking snow off his boots and his second bag.

"What's in that bag?" Erwin questioned, nodding to the luggage Levi had yanked over his lap.

He exhaled loudly giving the bag a couple soft pats. "Clothes, extra boots, extra gloves, two bottles of cleaner and a small box of tea as well as some light reading material."

"When are you gonna have time to read? We're going to be skiing most of the time we're here."

"If you think I'm getting on a ski lift you have less working brain cells than Hange."

Erwin smirked with a roll of his eyes, "Alrighty then, what's in this bag."

"All of the shit that didn't fit in this bag, toothpaste, toothbrush, cologne, extra pairs of underwear-"

"Woah, Levi you can't just talk about your underwear in a public space." Erwin chuckled at his own joke.

Levi rolled his eyes, "It's bad for your health to hang around Mike as often as you do."

"How is it you're not dead yet then?" Erwin retorted

Hange had been chatting up the receptionist for almost 15 minutes, bouncing up and down in front of the desk and indulging him in the stories of their travel up here. The man just gave her a sheepish grin and honestly Levi felt a little bad for the man but a little less when he thought about how it wasn't his problem anymore.

Moblit.. his name tag read. Somehow Hange's mannerism seemed more crazed with him if that was even possible.

"Yeah.. it has been so long." He heard the man say. You got.. taller..

"We're never getting out of this lobby are we?" Erwin sighed as the two continued to chatter on. Levi and Erwin stared as Hange continued on about her car with a surprising amount of engagement from the other party. "You know they kind of remind me of you and-"

"Hey, Hange!" Erwin cut himself off as a brown haired girl that Levi instantly recognized hopped down each step, a bald boy following her. And Levi believed he remembered them from Y/N's stories as Connie and Sasha who he remembered from the party.

"Hange, what're you doing here?" He asked as the brown haired girl gave her a hug.

"My family owns the lodge so I brought Erwin and Levi for the break!" Hange said, pulling Connie into side hug that he immediately reciprocated.

"Oh god! Why didn't you tell me your plans for break? Jean would've driven all of us up here and you wouldn't have had to waste gas."

Hange just shook her head. "It's quite alright I was already out of gas so we just took the train up here."

"You didn't put gas in your car again?" Connie asked

"Wait, if you guys came then does that mean Y/N is here?" Hange asked completely dodging Connie's question.

At her name Levi bounced out of his seat. Almost launching himself into the spot next to Erwin. Pulling his hat over his eyes and sliding his back as far into the chair as he could.

"What's up with you?" Erwin questioned

"I embarrassed myself last time I was with Y/N.."

"What? Didn't she buy you cream like a month ago?"

"Y-yeah." Levi shimmied his feet together as he slid further down in his seat.

Erwin's chuckle next to him made him grimace. "I know you don't really get it Levi. But uh, making an ass out of yourself in front of your crush is the first real hurdle to knowing you've got it bad."

"Shut up.."

"It could've been worse.. You could've accidentally injured her. Or got caught by the loud mouth in your class while writing her first name and your last name in a notebook."

"Sounds like a personal story.." Levi replied, inching the hat off his eyes to look up at Erwin.

Erwin scoffed, "Point is it happens." He said with a roll of his eyes.

Levi let out a little snicker that instantly got caught in his throat. It had never occurred to him that he'd actually paid attention to the romance movies he'd seen a hundred times with his mother. But now that Y/N was walking down the stairs it was like a scene from all of those movies combined.

Her smile just as warm as always. Turtleneck sweater hugging her features along with dark blue jeans and brown boots. Each step felt slower than the last as if everything in this particular room had been put on the slowest speed imaginable.

The butterflies in his stomach swarmed like they were all chasing after one specific thing. Everytime she appeared somehow it was different.

"We're still going skiing today right?" Connie questioned as Y/N stopped on the last stair.

"If Jean's up to it sure." She replied, her cheeks flushed like she'd just walked in from outside.

"Well this is gonna be a fun weekend." Erwin said but Levi didn't even register his words. His heart stammering in his chest. "Go make a fool out of yourself." Erwin nudged

"Hey Jean! Come on!" Connie said

"Yeah, Jean I'm hungry!" Called Sasha

Levi's heart stopped, his chest crumbling in on itself. The same guy from before.. just as soon a loud crash sounded and everyone turned all at once.

"Oh god are you ok?!" Y/N was the first person by Hange's side followed by Moblit from behind the counter.

Hange let out a laugh, wincing as she pulled herself up with Moblit and Y'N's help.

"I'll be ok. Just took a little spill." She continued to laugh.

Erwin was soon standing by her side. "Are you sure, you're alright? Your face is super red.."

A momentary lapse in Hange's facial features made Erwin step back a little. "Shut up Erwin." She huffed

"You fell on your side. You should rest a little bit." Moblit said, coming closer. "Just.. in case."

"Ok.." Hange replied

Y/N seemed to relax at this information. Her gaze immediately falling on Levi surprisingly. He really hoped he didn't outwardly wince.

"Hi, Levi." She spoke plainly giving Erwin a small greeting as well before her, Connie, Sasha, and Jean were leaving the lobby.

Hange and Erwin unsurprisingly crowded into Levi's room about five minutes after the whole ordeal. But Levi couldn't even bring himself to wipe one thing down like he'd wanted to. He just laid still on the bed, eyes planted to the ceiling.

Surprisingly Hange had also stayed silent. Her eyes shut where she laid next to Levi.

"I can't believe you broke the handle on my luggage Hange." Erwin called still sat on the floor holding his luggage in one hand and the handle in the other. Pressing the broken part of the handle to his bag as if it'd be that simple to fix.

"Now what am I supposed to do?"

"It broke my fall Erwin. Be grateful."

"For what exactly?"

"I don't know!"

Levi blinked, his gaze falling on Hange for the first time since she took that spill in the lobby. Her hands were crossed over her stomach, thumbs rubbing the spot where she fell.

"Are you alright or not?" Levi questioned

"I'm fine."

"Ok, I know why Levi's upset but why're you?" Erwin chimed up

"What's Levi upset about?"

"What else? Y/N."

"Uggggghhh Levvviiiii why don't you just ask her out already?" Hange said

Levi sat up on the bed pulling his feet into his chest. Shoes long gone, pushed up against the wall as soon as they'd walked into the room.

"I'm not talking about this shit anymore this week."

"Levi, if we're staying here all of this week and next then chances are she's also staying here all week and next. Which means somewhere in here is a perfect opportunity to-"

"Get in her bed." Hange interrupted

"Or something less crass." Erwin suggested "You did pack condoms in your emergency undies bag right?"

"Did you pack a spare handle in yours?"

Hange's obnoxious laughter was almost loud enough to muffle the low knocks on the door. Her irritating jabs to Levi's shoulder quickly halting when Levi grabbed her fingers.

"Who is it?" Erwin asked, one hand on the door.

"It's Y/N.."

Now Hange stopped laughing. Erwin shrugged as he looked back at both of them before pulling the door open.

"Hey, here." Y/N sounded filled with fatigue as she handed over a small bottle to Erwin.

"Oh! Thank you! Where'd you get this?" Erwin smiled with delight immediately flopping back down next to his bag.

"Jean carries around extra strength glue because Connie always manages to break something fragile." Y/N replied "I doubt it'll work but maybe it'll help a little?"

Erwin nodded happily as Y/N turned to look at Hange. Her hands balled up and her fingers fidgeting where she was pulling at them.

"How's your rib Hange?"

"It's ok now, thanks for asking."

Y/N nodded and at this moment everyone in the room was looking at Levi who automatically felt extremely naked.

"Levi um.. can I talk to you? In the hall?"

Levi didn't know if he had nodded in his head or in real life but he was swiftly moving across the room. Passing Y/N where she stood and then holding the door open as she walked out just behind him. The door shut behind the two of them and if Levi felt naked before the feeling out here was somehow worse.

"What happened?"

Levi could hear the slightly muffled footsteps on the other side of the door and even a whispered Hange as Y/N spoke. His hands felt both too dry and wet all at once as he looked into her mildly menacing gaze.

"Wh- where wh-when.."

"You barely said anything to me after I brought the cream for your forehead. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

Oh god how can she possibly assume that? Levi felt his stomach clench. He had never had it easy with text, which was why he pretty much always called everyone.

"I-I didn't mean.. it um.." He shuffled his feet a bit now remembering that he still had no shoes on.

Y/N sighed. "I wanna be your friend Levi. Please tell me you want that too."

With a deep breath he replied, "Call me."

"When?"

"Anytime.. I'm a bad t-texter.."

When her facial features softened Levi felt his shoulders finally sag for the first time since he'd heard her name in the lobby. "Ok.. oh ok, that's all it was? I thought I did something wrong. I'm glad we talked."

And Levi was barely registering her hands wrapping around his shoulders. Her body pressing oh so comfortably close to his. Hand sliding over his back, scent overwhelming his nose. And then just as soon it was all being taken away.

"I'll call you, ok?"

"Ok.." Levi's hand was still waving long after she'd already disappeared out of plain view.

"Oh god you're her friend!" Hange laughed the door suddenly yanked open behind Levi.

"It's as cute as it is sad." Erwin clicked his teeth.

"Tch, shut up." Levi stomped back into the room.

"Levi, you're in the friendzone!" Hange huffed as Erwin shut the door. "And if you don't get out of it. You're gonna be the short shoulder to cry on when some big dude with an invalid drivers license, a shit ton of tattoos and a porn addiction breaks her heart."

"That's oddly specific.." Erwin retorts

"All of you keep assuming I wanna be her boyfriend. I don't!"

Erwin rolled his eyes, "That tall guy that she was with actually. I think he'll be the guy who has her running to Levi's shoulder."

"Oh you mean Jean?" Hange nods "But they broke up a while ago."

"Then why is she still hanging out with him?"

"He's Sasha and Connie's best friend. So they've all known each other a while. They're a set, don't separate type deal."

"Then it's only logical that Y/N will marry Jean someday. You know if they all stay so close."

"Yup, definitely."

"You can both eat shit."

~~~~

Day one

Levi strained awake, blinded by the harsh sunlight stabbing his eyes through the uncovered window. He couldn't even remember when he'd fallen asleep last night but he could already tell it was too early for everyone else to be awake.

He could recall a couple things from last night. Hange overstaying her welcome in his room, Erwin suggesting that Hange pay for his fucked up luggage and somethings he would rather not think about.

Preferably the others joining in his room to discuss breakfast plans. At which Sasha had suggested the diner they had already planned to go to early in the morning. Levi's heart sank as he recalled Y/N's gorgeous smile directed to Jean who had stood behind her rubbing her shoulders and whispering in her ear.

He squeezed his eyes shut, standing from his bed and immediately working to straighten out the sheets before eyeing the book he'd unpacked last night.

Maybe he could get some reading done before Hange inevitably came to annoy him.

The one he was currently holding was of a dog wearing a big floppy hat in the mist of sunflowers. He quickly matched it with his black and white sweatpants. And with a small sigh he headed to the bathroom.

He thumbed at the spine of the book, sliding his finger between the pages to the current bookmark. A shower would probably be a better start to the morning though. He set the book down unzipping one of his bags and pulling out the first pair of clothing folded at the top. Levi hadn't remembered packing one of his mother's many silly birthday gifts to him. She had always bought him shirts with pictures on them that confused him.

He didn't even remember the last time he'd had a shower that was hot for more than five minutes. Or the last time he could look down at his feet without seeing a hair monster in the drain.

He took a couple extra minutes to completely wash his hair, combing his fingers through the strands before shutting off the water and quickly getting dressed.

As he reentered his room he remembered the random gaze Jean threw his way. The smirk on his lips, the taunting glare and then just as quickly it was over. And he was talking to her like nothing had happened.

Levi had never once in his entire life thought about having a girlfriend. It just wasn't something that absorbed his thoughts but he knew the second he saw that smirk on Jean's face what he wanted to be to Y/N.

He just couldn't imagine how.

His fluffy towel hugged his head as he popped open the book he'd discarded a couple minutes ago. He pulled his feet in closer to his body tracing the letters on the page, delving into the story-

"Levi!"

Two fucking seconds.. that had to be a new record.

A barrage of harsh knocks sounded outside his door and he yanked it open to see Hange standing there out of breath with a barely alive looking Erwin behind her. Excitement flooding her features as she pushed past Levi with Erwin in tow. A blue toothbrush almost falling from his lips.

"You couldn't let him finish brushing his fucking teeth?" Levi grunted, shutting the door behind the two of them. Erwin sighed his eyes shut, toothbrush dangling from his mouth. "Why're you here?"

"We're all going for breakfast remember?"

"Not for another thirty minutes." Levi narrowed his eyes and leaned back against the tv table.

Hange smiled, "Yup and that means we have enough time to figure out a game plan to get you and Y/N together by the end of today." Hange clapped excitedly though both Erwin and Levi couldn't possibly look less enthused.

"I don't need your help."

"Erwin, back me up here!"

"I'm not doing shit since you didn't let me spit and I had to swallow toothpaste." Erwin remarked, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

Levi's face scrunched up and Hange let out a snort. "Why did you swallow it.. you could've just spit it out in the hall or something."

"That's fucking disgusting." Levi grunted

"Why the hell would I do that?" Erwin asked

"You're not supposed to swallow toothpaste duh!"

Everyone huffed all at once and Levi flopped down next to Erwin on the bed. "If I need any help I'll ask.." He mumbled already feeling heat fly to his cheeks.

"We're finally gonna get you a girlfriend Levi!!" Hange squeezed his body in a tight hug.

Just as Levi was about to push her away a couple of soft knocks sounded on his door again, "We're leaving a little earlier, hurry and come downstairs."

~~~~

Before the car had even pulled up back at the lodge Hange was already screaming about going skiing. Erwin had asked if Levi wanted to which he'd replied with a scoff.

"Really? Cause there are plenty of chances for Y/N to fall on you. Or you to fall on her." He shrugged.

Levi just rolled his eyes and at that Erwin gave up and now he was standing at the freezing cold railing watching everyone go down the stupid slope for what had to have been an hour or so. How'd he end up with bag watch? He didn't even wanna come outside.. He blew on his fingers trying and falling to warm them. At this point he felt exhausted, absolutely none of his clothes were keeping him warm.

With a sigh he pulled Hange and Erwin's bags up onto his shoulder along with Sasha and Connie's belongings. If he could manage to get upstairs he could warm up at least a little. A hot cup of tea practically beckoning him.

It took him only a couple seconds to realize he didn't have Y/N's bag. He looked around for a couple seconds. Did she bring a bag outside? Did he lose her bag?? He'd only left once to got to the bathroom. Did someone steal it.. Shit. He grumbled in disgust. Where could he have left it?

Feeling a bit panicked he headed towards the stairs. Blood running cold, his eyes practically bouncing out of his skull. His heart stopped at the display in front of him. Jean's hand on Y/N's waist as she leaned forward on the railing. Their lips pressed together..

(Hey Siri, play Heartbreak Anniversary by Giveon.)

[thisdreamplace]

//it’s essentially a comfort zone for us. and at the heart of it, the law calls for us to let that comfort zone go entirely. we do try to grasp onto it, making excuses for why it can stay. however, ultimately we will all see a day where we let it go, and accept the wholeness between ourselves and all things.//

so this is like having evrything within us or being us, which means theres nothing to attract,, or to hav somwone else "giv" it to us? how wud that go? i already hav my desires, and actually i already have undesired things too? and only i have to focus more on what I want?

i admit my takw on the law here is a big comfort zone and may be one day i wil b able to accept i am the only one to blame lol. Jkjk. i can affect things around me so i do accept how the world actualy works with me.... its just huge shifts or huge changes in 3d that i wish i could just see already that gets me :( u know? so maybe i can change up my style. maybe im missing somthinf crucial?

ps: ur way of explainng is v gentle. i like it!

one day when we "let it go", what would we b doing then to consiously manifest evryday? Mike also said theres no real reason to do techniqes or reiki healing or anything to fix like that. i do get all this in theory. its I wonder is it reallllly possible to just be aware of things and then idk think a few thoughts with intent and see instant results of our power? how much wud that take to shift to that state of power? 🧲

yep, yep. you have everything already, you are the entire world. it’s within you. you can see the outer world as literally just your inner world… pushed out. all is within and when we desire something, we go within and allow that experience to play out.

the only thing standing between you and those “big shifts” is you. this why you must go all in, in my opinion. sure it’s nice to manifest things intentionally, but what about life ? what about the daily experiences, we cannot possibly manifest every little detail intentionally. but if we were just to surrender and dwell in lovely states overall — those sweet little details of the day, those wonderful happenings would come about like beautiful gifts in our day. and those “big shifts” would be your new normal.

it is possible because youve always been doing it. now you’re learning how to do it with intent. all i can tell you is to prove it to yourself — practice the art of imagining daily. watch how easily and effortlessly your inner world has been creating your daily experiences already. play in your imagination and see what happens, push the boundaries and have fun. its the way to build faith and see the power of your mind firsthand. it doesn’t take much, because it’s already who you are. how long it takes, however, depends on your willingness to let go of the old and allow in the new way of life.

“How do you do it? Self-abandonment! That is the secret. You must abandon yourself mentally to your wish fulfilled in your love for that state, and in so doing, live in the new state and no more in the old state.” — Neville Goddard

thanks for your kind words btw. :) i hope this helps ! 💖

[pappydaddy]

Opposites (s.h.)

  A/N: This is for the request asking for a Steve x Reader where the reader was like Jade West from Victorious (also known as one of my bi awakenings). I am sorry for the delay, this Thanksgiving was crazy (I’m Canadian) and there was so much to do! I tried my best to write the reader like Jade without having her not vibe with the kids bc we all know that the kids come first with Steve. Now, without farther ado, here is the request! Hope you like it lovely Anon!!

Edit: I changed the name bc there are so many fics under the name Opposites Attract😅.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

show/movie: stranger things 

requested

warnings: fluff??

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

- not my gif -

  Opposites attract. Something everyone has heard before. It can be applied to magnets or to relationships. While there was no denying that when it came to magnetic pulls, opposites did indeed attract, but Steve was never too sure about it in a relationship sense. He had always gone after girls who fit his lifestyle. Parties, the popular crowd, the girls who fit in to societies expectations. It wasn’t until he had met Y/N that he had realized that maybe everyone was right. Just like magnets, opposites attract did apply to relationships as well. He could not think Robin enough for introducing the hard headed, sometimes (all the time) scary girl who Steve would have never approached. A goofy guy such as Steve paired with the rocker chick who intimidated nearly everyone? Steve had never thought that would be possible outside of the movies. 

 Now, here Steve sat on Dustin’s couch as he bounced his knee, the party bickering all around him as they tried to figure out what they were going to do today. “Why would we watch movie’s all day, we always watch movies, Dustin!” Lucas exclaimed from where he sat on the floor next to Max. Dustin looked up from the pile of VHS tapes he had already selected before hand. 

  “Because movies are awesome and clearly the best option right now,” Dustin answered as if it was obvious. “Nobody can agree on one place, so the logical solution is to stay here and watch a movie.” He shrugged, shuffling through the tapes once again, ignoring Lucas’ groans of protest. Steve tuned them out the best he could as he watched the front door, willing for it to open revealing the two missing members of the party. 

  “Dustin has a point, Lucas.” Max piped up, not even looking up from watching the titles of the movies Dustin was debating on. 

  “Why,” Lucas asked simply, turning his head to face her in an exaggerated fashion. “Just why,” He repeated. “Why do you think it’s better to sit here and watch movies all day as opposed to going to a bowling alley?” 

  “I’d rather watch movies than go to a bowling alley, but we are clearly forgetting the best option brought up,” Mike inserted himself into the conversation again, banging his pointer finger against the coffee table before continuing. “The Arcade. There is a huge re-opening deal and a ton of new games!” 

  “We’re not going to the Arcade, it’ll be too crowded to have fun as a group!” Dustin turned Mike’s idea down once again. 

  “And sitting in a dark living room all day watching movies will be a fun group bonding experience?” Mike snapped back, sending the three boys into a tailspin of bickering. Steve and Max both heaved out sighs at the same time just as the front door opened, Robin walking in first followed by Y/N. The two girls ceased their previous conversation, blinking at the chaos ensuing. 

  “Finally, what took you two so long?” Steve leapt from his spot on the couch, rushing over to the pair, his eyes wide with relief. Instantly, he wrapped Y/N in a tight hug. The girl tensed for a second before melting into his hug, patting his back with one had. She wasn’t much for hugs, not being an overly affectionate person in general, but she couldn’t help but to lean a bit closer to Steve whenever he was affectionate towards her.           

  “Sorry, Stevie-boy,” Robin apologized half-heartedly, plopping herself down in the spot he once occupied. “Y/N got caught up trying to decide which Stephen King book to buy and then she saw the Stephen King display they had put up.” 

  “Ended up getting Cycle of the Werewolf, it came out a few years ago, but I was too wrapped up in the release of Cujo to focus on his book releases,” She told him, not even waiting for him to ask. She pulled out of his grasp, reaching into the bag she carried to hand him the book. Steve shivered slightly, not understanding how she could read or watch Stephen King’s books without getting the slightest bit scared. “But I couldn’t pass on the great deal they had on, they had Danse Macabre for half off so they could get make room for another shipment.” She pulled the second book out of the bag, walking passed Steve who read over the back of the book he held, eyeing the words as if they would jump off the page at him. 

  “That’s great, Y/N, but we need you and Robin to help us decide what to do for the rest of the day,” Dustin interrupted the girl, earning a glare from her (which he ignored). Y/N sat on the middle cushion beside Robin who dug through her own bag to retrieve her own book: Dark Companions. “Lucas wants to go to a bowling alley-”

  “I would rather stab my eyes with rusty scissors then go to a bowling alley.” Y/N cut him off, flicking through the pages of her new book. Dustin laughed in victory as Lucas gave Dustin a warning look in return. 

  “We didn’t get to hear what Robin thought.” Lucas pointed out, hoping that Robin would be his saving grace, but his hope was quickly shot down. 

  “I’m with Y/N,” She stated, looking up from her book. “I hate those places, they are a cesspool of germs. Kids pick their noses then use their booger covered fingers to pick up a ball.” She turned her nose up at the idea. Lucas slumped back in defeat, Max sending him a sympathetic smile despite her internal happiness that she didn’t have to go to the bowling alley. Steve hid his own excitement as he sat down on the other side of Y/N, slinging his arm over her shoulders as she began to read her book. 

  “How about the Arcade, huh? You guys can watch us play awesome games and not touch anything!” Mike brought up his idea, trying to sell the girls on it. Robin shook her head instantly. 

  “Arcades are my personal hell,” Y/N grumbled, flipping the page. “Kids running around screaming and the noises from the games. It’s nauseating.” She cringed at the thought of it. 

  “So that leaves watching movies here then.” Dustin smiled brightly, showing his still missing teeth. Mike and Lucas groaned, flopping back on the floor dramatically, missing the way Y/N’s face twisted into a scowl and Robin’s nose turned up once again. 

  “Sitting here all day watching movies?” Robin asked. 

  “I would rather stuff myself into a wood-chipper.” Y/N commented once again, her eyes never lifting off her page. This prompted Lucas and Mike to shoot back up, smiling widely at Dustin’s defeat. 

  “Hey, isn’t there that band stopping by to preform a little outdoor concert, super low-key and free?” Max finally brought up the idea she had been sitting on the whole time. She knew that Robin and Y/N would have backed her up, but the boys would have shot the idea down immediately. Y/N and Robin slowly lifted their heads, intrigued by Max’s idea. 

  “So? What band would be coming to Hawkins to play a free show? Are they even worth seeing?” Mike lifted his upper lip in a grimace as he got ready to shoot the idea down. 

  “Yes, they are,” Max narrowed her eyes at the boy. “It’s a relatively new rock band, kinda like Def Leppard meets Guns N’ Roses meets AC/DC. They are playing free shows in smaller towns to build a name for themselves, all their earnings come from their merch sales.” 

  “Now that,” Y/N finally closed her book, setting it on the coffee table as she uncrossed her legs. Leaning her elbows on her knees, she clasped her hands together and pointed her pointer fingers at Max, a smirk playing on her dark painted lips. “That sounds awesome.” She unclasped her hands to high-five Max, the red-head beyond happy that her idea was chosen.             

  “It does sound really cool,” Robin nodded, sharing a look with Y/N and Max. “I’m down.” 

  “You know what,” Steve finally spoke up, bobbing his head, a goofy smile on his face as his eyes gazed at Y/N as she leaned back under his arm, looking up at him. “I’m in too. I could use a good concert.” 

  “You’re just agreeing because your girlfriend wants to go!” Mike accused, earning two glares from Y/N and Steve. He shrunk back under Y/N’s hard glare.

  “Come on, guys,” Steve encouraged. “You guys could actually like their music, you might even find a new interest or meet some new people,” He tried to sell the reluctant teen boys. They hummed, actually listening to him. “There really isn’t any harm in going.” They nodded, muttering their lack-luster agreements in choosing the concert. 

  “Forget all that mushy, positive shit,” Y/N waved her hand at Steve’s sappy selling of the concert. “Just go and live outside of your comfort zone, taint your innocent, pure souls. You will thank me later, trust me.” 

  “Are you corrupting my kids?” Steve asked her as the boys all hollered ‘yeahs’ and hopped around the room as if they were tough. Max and Robin rolled their eyes at them, but Y/N looked back up at Steve, a sparkle in her eyes. 

  “Yeah, someone had to undo all the goofiness you instilled in them - make ‘em cooler.” He smiled down at her, pressing his lips against hers softly as the boy’s continued on. The roudiness melted away as they shared a loving kiss. As their lips pulled away reluctantly, parting the sweet kiss. Steve was never more sure that they were living proof of opposites attracting.         

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Before Dawn (Levi x Reader)

So, I wrote this mostly in one sitting because I longed to post it on Archive of our own but I'm sure not all people read stories there, so if I can make someone's day brighter with some not so slow slow burn and eventual fluff then I'm in. I hope you enjoy, also I don't know how to add the read more option on mobile

Your face meets the hard, cold pillow of your bed with a loud but somewhat muffled thud. Your room turns darker and darker by each passing second as the sun slowly disappears behind the mountains. When you can't feel any stream of light entering the room you peak outside of your dormitory's window. Another exhausting day has finally come to an end.

Being the youngest member of Erwin's team isn't always as good as many of your comrades picture to be. Most of them believe you're babied, treated softly and specially, which is untrue to any possible extend. If anything, you're practically silenced by your other team members, who are much older and far more experienced than you. You do errands for everyone most the time and you're even assigned paperwork concerning fallen soldiers. You humph quietly. Soldiers can talk and gossip as much as they want, you're used to having to hear a new rumor about every one every passing week anyway.

Time seems to pass slowly as you're laying there, not moving a single inch of your body. In fact you contemplate on weather to even bat an eye to the direction of whoever's poking you. You have been satisfied with not having to talk to anyone for that little time you had to yourself.

"(Y/n) come on, we're just finished forming new squads."

Your much necessary time to relax seems to have to come to an end. It's almost never your choice, whether you get to rest or not that is, but you only sense it's going to get worse now that Erwin has been ranked as the new survey corps commander. A loud groan makes its way out of your barely parted lips. It only takes one second to storm out of your bed and another one to be able to stand still on your feet.

"Uhgh Hange, I hate that they have to do this right now. I was about to go shower." You mumble under your breath, solely with the intention of whining your way out of this situation. There's no such thing as convincing Hange out of pretty much anything anyway though, you scold yourself for believing it's worth the time.

The walk down the corridor is dull and silent and the only noise that can be heard comes from inside the dining hall that you pass without missing a heart beat. It's been a while since you started skipping dinner because your appetite was going down hill. In addition, it's not that Hange even brought up dinner at the sight of the dining hall.

Upon arriving at Erwin's door Hange lifts her hand and steadily knocks twice. You're not even standing on the spot for a second before the familiar word of approval is spoken from inside. Hange practically drags you inside, instantly adding tones of despair into your misery for the night.

Despite your best wishes, everyone in the room has fixed their eyes on you after the squeal you let out due to Hange's rushing movements. "Welcome (y/n)" Erwin speaks and you nod in response before saluting boringly. He urges you to take a stand between Levi and Mike and you comply without even trying to give it a second thought. Even though it's frantically silent in the room in a way you think that a single sound carrying breath could break it while Erwin speaks, you witness as Mike decides to tresspass that.

"You're squad Mike girl!" He whispers to you in a prideful way. His smirk betrays the happiness that has swelled on him by receiving this rank.

"Any questions?" Erwin asks before he forces his voice to come to an halt. Seeing that no one requests to know a thing from him he proceeds to call new squad leaders, one by one to pick members for their teams. Surprisingly enough, Levi gets called after Mike, speculating a peculiar reaction by the remaining veterans, even you, someone who has no place in voicing any object to Erwin's commands.

"Levi's not to doubt, I believe you all know that, and he will be running the new special operations team."

It occurred to you that no one was actually doubting Levi's abilities; most of them had probably been jealous to having to work that hard to receive a rank when he was only in the regiment for a year. However had they known Levi even in the tiniest bit though they'd never have an ounce of jealousy for him. Not that you knew much to beging with. What you had managed to gather from him about his past were a few broken sentences a night he accepted to come and hang out with your squad mates that he only spoke to you as he accompanied you to your barrack upon being forced by Mike.

You sit there, between the two men quietly for the rest of the long meeting and once you're dismissed you practically sprint to the showers. You know the water ought to be freezing cold by now but you preferre to endure this rather than having to wash alongside your female comrades. Growing up, your little given time in the shower was your only rightful privacy and you intend to keep it that way.

The water stops with a twist of your hand at the handle. You search for your towel in the dark and as you set your hands on it you rapidly begin to pat your body dry. Throwing your long nightgown on, you begin stomping out. Momentarily you seem to be in a haze of meaningless thoughts that pass your mind so fast, you can't even get a grip of them, many things seem to occupy your mind lately. New formations, improved harness gear, the news of your mother's death. You can't seem to put your thoughts in order, not for tonight at least. It's only when a deep, monotone voice rings in your ears that you jump and leave a little squeak come out of the depths of your throat.

"Oii"

"Shit! Don't sneak up on me like that" you wonder if you have to address him but in the end you do; in the end of the day you are one of formalities and everyone who knows you can confirm that. "sir.."

Levi simply clicks his tongue in response. You're the first person to address him as a commanding officer as of now, probably because every one else would need a moment to take it in, including himself.

"Thanks for making Isabel feel welcome back then." Levi's voice is barely louder than a whisper yet it never cracks, not even a little but that isn't what's taking you aback. The statement, in fact, sends you literally a few steps back and shoots your hand to your forehead in an act of despair. The cruel scene still plays in your head from time to time and you wonder how many times it must do so in his. You find your heart stopping for a moment before you feel a teeny flicker that sends your pulse running through your veins.

It's natural for someone not to be able to comprehend trauma in ways they are expected or rather forced to. Levi in particular is introverted and moody, if not most, then all of the time but this statement shines a different light on your understanding of his character. He's as emotionally drained and traumatized as someone can be. In fact, everyone is but this doesn't mean ones personal pain is lessened, in your opinion it makes it even worse.

"Not everyone is taught mannerisms I guess. The girls who made her feel unwanted can eat shit anyways."

It's obvious that Levi doesn't want to utter another word of the matter and you're not the one to push him out of his comfort zone. An uptight upbringing and the misfortunus chance of interacting with superficial assholes for equal parts of your life have taught you how to have temperament. To be patient even when you physically can't take it anymore.

"Tch.. Go to your barracks you're dismissed." It's time to bid eachother goodnight and of course Levi's eager to be the one to remind you of it. Tomorrow's a big day with everything you have to take care of after today's events. No cadet should be unable or not in position to assist by command.

"Sweating the chair already I see."

____

The next day starts with Nanaba waking you up. You take some time to adjust your eyes to the semi lit room. It strikes you how some people have always talked about how they missed feeling the magic of watching an eventual sunrise and even if you can see where they're coming from you're reminded every day of how much you despise every single aspect of it. Starting off with the runny nose it always bears for you as a hatred gift.

"I know it's kind of first thing in the morning but we have to help squad leader clean the office he was given.

Then again maybe you're just envying anyone who got to be woken up by sun's glowly warmth once it was already up in the sky.

"Hey, psst, don't zone out, get dressed."

Erratically, you skip breakfast. You fail to be in the mood for food lately most likely due to exhaustion or general disgust of whatever soup dish you are to be served. Your stomach has stopped trying to object to you since a young age. The only thing that ever makes it groan nowadays is guilt. With that devil of mother dead though it's not like you have anything to feel guilty for anyways.

"So here's your mop." Mike forces the object into your hands before you even get a chance to greet him. "Okay I repeat. Nanaba scrubs, (y/n) mops, Henning waxes. Lynne and Tomas you dust everything off. Understood?" All of you salute him with a 'yessir' before you watch him exit the room.

You spend most of your morning scolding Nanaba to go faster before you ultimately decide to switch places with her. You want to be over with cleaning, although you have no idea as to why but you do find yourself imagining that Levi sees you cleaning and thinks you're amazing at it and asks you to help him far too many times to count. You end up scolding yourself for that too. Nevertheless, it takes almost half an hour to finish with scrubbing, something you guess would have taken Nanaba eternity and a day.

Any sweat that's falling down your forehead you rub it off with the back of hand before you excuse yourself to a break. Seeing that no one will follow you stroll swiftly down the wooden hallway, with the restrooms in mind. You walk past Mike on the way, whom you greet cheerfully while fast informing him about your break. You're positive he practically smell your bladder is about to burst.

______

Tonight Hange draggs your unwilling piece of meat to dinner. She takes you to her usual table and sits you down amongst higher ranks. Some part of your brain fights you about not taking a stand against it. Your mother has always pressed for you to not enjoy what other in higher hierarchies have. But that's just a wooden fucking table with a stall. The voice in your head can shut it.

"Eat." Hange looks at you with a toothy grin, head tilted in your direction as she a eats a spoonful of her vegetable soup. You still feel an excessive amount of absurd guilt about raising objections so you smile back and stuff a portion of the food in your mouth with the intention of gulping it down as fast as possible. And of course Levi doesn't fail to notice the look of disgust in your face from across the table.

"Eat" Mike orders from Levi's left, gesturing to your plate with his spoon, an awkwardly soft smile plastered on his face. It beats you as to why they've decided to be persistent tonight out of all nights.

"Tch, show some respect to the people who work on your daily food. Drop that disgusted face or take cooking duty for the week."

With a pout in your lips you avert Levi's gaze in anger and overall shame. You lift the bowl containing the soup and you gulp it down as you try to ignore the knot at the back of your throat that threatenes to push back everything if you continue forcing your body to endure this.

Mike seems to be physically scolded to look at you because you see him jump in shock due to the unexpected action towards him for a fragment of a second. He takes no real interest in scolding you however, something that puts pressure on Levi for the matter.

"You just earned yourself cooking duty for the week, keep this up and Mike won't be as lenient as me." He talks sternly as he bores his eyes into yours. The unreadable lack of expression in his face remains intact, as always, but once again you choose to look away.

"Can I be dismissed?" You simply utter while your orbs take turns to look between Hange and Mike.

"Shoo shoo, I'm not pushing you girl" Mike pays little attention to you as he chunks on his bread with his eyes shut. If looks could kill you swear he would have been slashed to death by both Hange and Levi. To your luck of course, they can't, so you sit up from the stall in the most discreet way possible. Hange observes in silence as Levi's eyes follow your form across the room until you take a turn to get lost in the barracks. He then averts his gaze to the bowl of soup in front him for the remaining of his time in the dining hall.

It's one of those nights that you decide not to throw your whole body, face first, onto your bed; you've abused it very much in this way, the last thing you need to is for it to break apart and take down the twin bed on top of it. You sigh deeply before you bring your hands to cover your face in hopes that it will soothe your tingling skin.

Why was that silly little scenario of Levi watching you clean still stuck in your head all day long and why did it keep repeating over and over. To be clear with yourself, you didn't really know.

Your other roommates start flooding the room in a matter of seconds. It's always like that; the come back from dining and they chit chat for a few minutes before some of them go to sleep while others decide on showering before taking their given amount of rest for the night.

"(Y/n) lift your fucking head up you look like a corpse." Nifa, the girl who sleeps on the bed on top yours speaks.

"Not in the mood Nif. I'm sorry."

"You could try and talk to us!" Petra says on response, cutting Nifa off.

"I just don't want to cook for everyone. That's all." You spit a lie that's debatably believable. The girls that starts probing the walls of your stomach almost feels like liquid fire.

Did they really want to know the truth, or would they be disgusted by whatever came out of your mouth. Almost every one in the survey corps had a rough backstory and a purpose, and though you didn't lack of tragic and despair your purpose was pathetic and delusional.

"Look, I hate to see you like that and well you've been that moody way that before that punishment tonight. So spill."

"I don't want to be a burden!"

"Cut the crap." Lynne rhetored as she sat at the end of your bed, pinching your calf.

Well, you're probably annoying them by not letting any one of them in. "My mother died."

A few apologies and condolences are heard in response by the girls around you as they stare at you with oggly pitiful eyes.

"She was horrible and old no need to be sorry, I'm just conflicted on whether I loved her or not. I'm just unfazed but my mind guilt trips me on it." Your words are soft and your gaze fixed on the wooden floor underneath your legs. "I don't want to go into much abusive details, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise!" Petra exclaims from her kneeling position next to you. "It's fine if you don't tell us anything. We shouldn't have pushed you." The girls all nod in response and the mood seems to darken the rooms aura with each silently passing second.

"I thought it was like boy problems" Lynne says as she wraps her right arm around your shoulder and squeezes you on her. Her palms quickly travel straight to your cheeks to poke and squish them in the most humorus way. "Tomas likes me and I avoid him, give me a breeak!"

You can't help but give a muffled giggle out to her. It's almost as if you approve of her little impression of you, and you do, mostly because laughing helps you take a weight off your chest. All girls around you are giggling in their turns with closed eyes, happily narrowed brows and scrunched up noses.

You shouldn't even let yourself be that moody anywayy.

___

To say that Levi is merely perplexing would be an understatement. Because here's the deal; no one could maintain such a straight face while pinning someone down. You're basically a lost cause as you maniacally move your head on the grass to avoid his gaze. Mentally you try to recall what brought you in this position in the first place. Was it because you challenged him to engage in combat or because he was a complete show off, it's beyond you at this point.

"I have your knife."

"What?" Levi looks at you with the tinniest bit of a puzzled impression plastered all over his face. Yet he doesn't get up from you. In the end he can't even know that you feel your skin burning with rage.

"I have your knife, sir. I won" you remark in a tiny little voice from the back of your throat.

"Tch, just because you have the knife doesn't mean your opponent won't attack you or even use that against you." Levi's voice is also calm and steady and even matching your tone in volume. You watch with anticipation as he opens his mouth to speak and when words begin to form he's interrupted.

"Ah sir, I want to spare with you as well!" Petra smiles as she fixes some lose strands of hair behind her ears.

Deciding to spend anymore time on this position on top of you, Levi pushes your wrists on the ground once again before completely getting off of you. You realise he's taken the dummy knife him, something he probably did in the blink of an eye. Of course he'd make his point whatever it took.

Training has stripped your stomach of the fullness that breakfast has secured you with and now you can hear the organ growl angrily inside your body. Having spent a week as the survey corps cook as a punishment has also worked wonders for your little appetite, because it physically drained you to the bone. You don't even know where to start about that unexpected shenanigan.

Unbeknownst to you, Nanaba and Lynne roll their eyes at your blanked expression. "Wall Maria to (y/n)? Hello? Is anyone in there?" An inpatient Lynne knocks a little too loud at the side of your head. Nifa laughs at the sight as well.

"Ohhh, I am." You whine. "Also ouch! I'm just not in my right head!"

"You uhm... mean piece of mind?" A few pieces of bread fall out of Nanaba's hand as she stuffs her mouth. It only takes a while to come up with a line to say to excuse your absurdness.

It's not that you want to feel that way about Levi or that you choose to either. It's probably an outcome of fatigue and a tiny infatuation that rule your mind like an empire that's about to fall. Levi's handsome, there's no denying in that, you've thought so ever since you set your eyes on him but he was ten years older than you and pretty much uninterested to almost everything. Maybe it's that you hoped he could look at you with the same enthusiasm that made you feel like you had a crush.

In reality you believe that these are pretty much lame reasons and Nanaba especially will laugh at you. 'Do you even have a reason to have a crush on someone?' Ugh, you can literally listen to her.

"Hmm, sorry I can't seem to communicate today. Might as well share." You decide it's not polite to keep things to yourself when others are trying to care for you. "Well it's that-"

"Do you guys find the Captain handsome?"

As always thanks for reading 👉❤️👈 if you have any request you can pop one in my askbox. Feedback is always appreciated, I really love seeing your opinions, they keep me motivated. I adore you guys

[troop-scoop]

Mistakes & Regrets XXII

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

Warnings: Swearing, violence

• • • 

It was pretty much known by everybody who you were friends with that Steve hated your driving. And by hate, you meant it. 

He was genuinely shocked when the DMV gave you your license. You were always going over the speed limit, and taking sharp turns. His least favorite thing you did? Not slowing down at bumps or potholes.

So, you were hoping he wouldn’t wake up while you were driving. Dustin, Max, Mike and Steve were all crowded in the back seat of the car, but Lucas was next to you with the map, even though you knew your way to this farm because you went there to get a pumpkin for Will a few days before Halloween. 

“Y/n?” 

You looked in the rearview mirror, seeing Steve turned and looking at Mike. You redirected your attention to the road, choosing not to let him know that you were the one driving. 

“No don’t touch it” Dustin told him. Though you couldn’t see what he was telling Steve not to touch. “Hey, buddy. . .” Dustin shushed a bit. 

You continued driving, occasionally glancing at the map even if it was so dark you couldn’t really see anything. 

“It’s okay, you put up a good fight. He kicked your ass, but you put up a good fight. You’re okay.”

“Okay, you’re gonna keep straight for a half a mile, then make a left on Mount Sinai.” You nodded in response to Lucas’ instructions. 

“What’s going on?”

You didn’t want to look at Steve but you did anyway. Quickly sparing a look over your shoulder before turning back to the front. 

“Oh, my God.” 

“Hey, relax, she has her license.” Dustin tried to soothe as if Steve was an infant. 

“Yeah, and she barely passed the driving test.” Mike pointed out. You were gonna kill Nancy for coming with you to the DMV. 

“That still counts.” Max and Lucas both pointed out. 

“Steve, dude, need you to chill-”

“Oh, my God!”  He repeated, now fully awake and realizing the situation he was in, crowded around a bunch of middle schoolers with you driving. 

“They were gonna leave you behind.”

You could feel the stress rising in the back seat as Steve continued to repeat himself as he sat up, with Dustin trying to calm him down. 

“Fuck it.” You muttered, speeding up. Your nerves were getting the best of you. You wanted Eleven to be okay, you wanted Will to be okay. 

“Oh, my God! No! Whoa! Stop the car. Slow down!”

You tried to tune them out, with Mike, Dustin and Steve all yelling in the back seat, and Max looking more annoyed by the second.

“Shut up!” She yelled at them “She needs to focus!” 

You were sure it wasn’t a very pleasant way to wake up after getting your ass kicked by a racist. You saw the road coming up and took a sharp turn, which resulted in the squeaking of Billy’s tires and Steve screaming even louder. 

You came to a sudden spot when Mike yelled that you were there at the hole. You remained quiet, sniffling a little bit and turning the engine off. 

Getting out of the car you went to the drunk, unlocking it and letting the kids get what they needed to set up. 

You grabbed the gun, tucking it into your jeans. Taking the red bandana and swimming goggles, you looked over to the side of the car where Steve fell onto the dirt, loosing his balance 

The kids got their goggles and bandanas, having fully understood you when you said that the atmosphere down there was toxic. Because it was just an expansion of the Upside Down. 

Walking over to Steve you handed him the bandana and goggles, knowing you didn’t really need them. If you were immune to the atmosphere a year ago, it wouldn’t really change now. 

He tried to get your attention as you walked away but you couldn’t look at him. The tears felt like they were coming back every time you did.

You’d never let him know that you cried the entire time you were gathering things to get in the car. You were practically sobbing while going about your business, barely making it out of the driveway because your vision was blurry from your tears. 

You stood at the hood of the car while Mike came over with a canister of gasoline and the rope, bending down to tie it to the front bumper. 

“You got it?” You asked, wiping away a bit of snot. You hated crying, and the after effects. 

You could hear Steve yelling about how he said no to this plan, that he wasn’t going to allow it. But if you had to go down there alone, you would. 

“Yeah.” He said quietly. “You okay?” 

“Peachy.” You responded with little enthusiasm, which Mike picked up on, but refused to say anything. 

Walking back to the trunk you grabbed Steve’s arm, catching his attention as he took your backpack from Dustin.

“If you’re not with me, you are my enemy.” You said in a gentle and joking manner, only getting a confused grin from him. “You won’t understand that. . . for a long time.” He looked even more confused as you walked over to the hole as Mike dropped the rope down into it. 

Steve and Dustin quickly followed after you. It smelled familiar. And you could feel how cold it was already. Taking a deep breath you looked at the boys, who gave you an uncertain look through their goggles. 

Stepping closer to the hole. Steve grabbed your wrist, stopping you from moving. “What are you doing?” 

“Going down there? To commit interdimensional arson?” 

“Why don’t you have any of this?” Steve gestured to his bandana and pair of goggles he’d gotten on within seconds. 

“I don’t really need it.” You said softly, pulling your wrist away and jumping down into the hole. You landed with your knees bent and in total darkness.

You froze up. It felt like it was all rushing back, and you lowered yourself onto your knees, the gooey feeling on your jeans also familiar and not uncomfortable. You could remember the sound of rain, and yelling out for your dad, having regretted running as soon as the storm started. And you tried to find your way back, but you stepped over one rock, and all of a sudden you fell into what felt exactly like this.

You remembered having your hoodie on, and your hair up. Your shoes had been soaked from the rain. You still had them somewhere in your apartment. A pair of damaged black vans. 

You could suddenly remember taking your first shower at the motel, watching as the dirt, blood and sweat went down the drain. You hadn’t been able to remember your first night at the motel since you’d been there. 

You remembered taking the shower after buying a completely new outfit, from a store, just so you could feel comfortable. You remembered the odd looks you got from everyone, and staying quiet after you saw the date in a newspaper. You’d put it together far quicker than you’d imagined. You’d enrolled yourself into the highschool quickly, got a wardrobe together, and tried to act normal. You remembered all of it now. 

“Y/n? Hey, c’mon, look at me, are you okay?” Steve grabbed your face, making you look at him. But all you could see was his bruised forehead and his eyes through the tinted goggles. 

“Yeah.” You answered simply. You could suddenly remember the last time your dad hugged you, and how tight it had been. Like he’d known that something was going to happen, or that it’d be the last time. But you hadn’t. 

“I’m fine.” 

Steve helped you onto your feet, and you reached for whoever’s hand was closest, and that just so happened to be Steve’s. 

You started your trek down the tunnels, every step reminding you of what happened. You pretty much zoned out on everything. Ignoring everything that was said and remembering how quiet it had been except for those things that you always hid from. You were good at hiding as a little kid, and even now. Lockdown drills didn’t help.

But you did snap out of it when you heard screaming. Turning back you saw Mike and Lucas run back, and you went after them. Mike was yelling for Dustin and when you came to a large opening, you saw Dustin on the ground, coughing.

Kneeling down you had a grip on his shoulders as he coughed. He had a grip on you too, using you as a bit of balance. 

He stopped and looked up at you, seeing how worried you were. “I’m okay.” 

It was anticlimatic. 

You nodded a bit. “Okay.” You agreed, grabbing the end edge of his bandana and pulling it over the nose of his scuba mask and helping him back up. You walked with Dustin most of the way after that, a hand on his shoulder and the other on Mike’s as they followed Steve’s lead. 

“Alright, Wheeler. I think we found your hub.” 

Steve was right, the other tunnels all leading to this one spot. That everyone shined their flashlight on. 

And instead of a constant feeling of reliving that short month in the Upside Down, you took the gas canister that Mike had been carrying for you. “Let’s drench it.” He spoke as you uncapped it. Everyone did the same, With Lucas spraying the higher walls of the hub while the rest of you got the lower parts, and the floor. The smell was overwhelming, like a gas station but a thousand times worse. And usually you liked the smell.

“Alright, c’mon. Everybody get back.” 

You looked up at Steve, seeing that he was gesturing back to the way you’d come. You dropped your canister, and went to the tunnel.

You were all gathered together, and Steve looked at you. “You still have my lighter?” Nodding, you reached into the pocket of his jacket and handed it to him. 

“Alright, you guys ready?”

“Yeah.” You answered. With everyone else answering as well. 

He opened the lighter and ignited it, the small flame lighting up a small area, before he tossed it into the puddle of gasoline. What you’d all poured into it lit up 

The vines on the floor began to make sounds and flail in the air, almost as if it was in pain. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care if it was in pain. 

“Go, go, go!” Steve shouted. You grabbed Lucas, Dustina and Mike who all took longer than Max, who took off running.

You pushed them all ahead of you and began to run yourself, with Steve behind you. You all ran, not really caring if you were cautious at this point. 

Steve grabbed onto your arm and started to pull you along with him when he almost passed you.

He let go of you when he made sure you weren’t completley behind him or the kids, but right along side Mike. 

You grabbed onto Mike’s hand, trying to make sure you didn’t lose him or he didn’t get lost.

Mike tripped on one of the vines and fell onto the ground. “Steve!” You shouted. While Mike screamed ‘help’ 

They came running back, with Lucas going to the other side of Mike as Steve brought the bat down onto the vine. You pulled Mike away and grabbed his face. “Are you okay?” 

He gave an urgent nod as you helped him stand back up. 

Before any of you could make a run for it again, you heard the familiar growling from a demodog as Dustin liked to call it. 

You still held onto Mike, an arm around his shoulders, holding him close like you would if he were your own brother. You also had an arm out, acting as a shield for Lucas, as Dustin stepped forward. 

You didn’t feel scared, just anxious, with your heart beating a million miles a second, having had both Dustin and Mike fall on the way at some point. Mike had his flashlight pointed at Dart, but his other hand had a death grip on the back of your shirt. 

“Dart.” Dustin spoke, taking a small step forward. 

In unison all of you started speaking, telling him to get back or that it was a bad idea. “Sh! Trust me, please.” He continued to walk over to the thing. Both you and Steve shared a look as your grip on Mike stayed the same. 

The four kids were family to you your entire life, they would have done anything to protect you just like your dad would have done for their kids. So you’d do anything to protect them now. 

“It’s me, It’s Dustin, You remember me?” He asked, kneeling down in front of him, his goggles and mask off. “Will you let us pass?”

  Dart opened his mouth and growled, showing off the tiny teeth decorating the petal like flaps. You pulled Mike closer and grabbed Lucas’ hand who stepped behind you. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I”m sorry about the storm cellar.”

“I’m not.” You murmured to yourself. 

“That was a pretty douchey thing to do. You hungry? Yeah?” Dustin took his backpack off, reaching into it and pulled out a three musketeers. 

“He’s insane.” Lucas mumbled. You only nodded in agreement. While Steve told him to shut up. 

“I’ve got our favorite. See? Nougat.” Dustin began to unwrap the candy bar. “Look at that. Yummy. Here, all right? Eat up, buddy.”

Dustin gestured for you all to go past Dart without looking at at any of you. Steve went first, then Max, and then you, Mike and Lucas. Mike and you still having a tight grip on each other and Lucas using you as a bit of a shield, and you didn’t blame him. 

You all stopped once past Dart and Dustin, and saw as Dart looked back at Dustin. “Goodbye, buddy.” Dustin told him, puling his mask and goggles back on, before turning to the rest of you and following. 

Things just kept popping up however, as when you’d barely gotten far from Dart, the tunnel shook, and you could hear distant growling from multiple demodogs. 

“They’re coming.” Mike realized, having taken your hand after you’d let him go. “Run!” He yelled with everyone instantly following what he said and running towards the rope. 

Once there, Steve helped Max up onto the ground, then Lucas, as well as Mike and Dustin. 

“Shit.” You mumbled, hearing the demodogs get closer. You pulled the gun from your Jeans as Steve stepped in front of you, bending his knees enough so you could aim over his shoulder. 

And much to your surprise, instead of attacking, they went around the two of you, acting as if you were just rocks in their way. 

Steve turned and grabbed you with his free hand, keeping you close and out of their way as the two of you watched them run. 

“Okay. . .” Steve mumbled, looking down at you. “Your turn.” He told you dropping the bat and leaning down to grab you from around the knees, and lifting you up to the rope. 

You had a firm grip on it and climbed the couple of inches you needed before Mike and Max grabbed you, helping to pull you out, and then you did the same for Steve, pulling him out as he tossed the bat to the side. 

The headlights of Billy’s car grew brighter for a few seconds, forcing you to shield your eyes. But it was gone as soon as it had come. 

• • • 

Stepping out of the car you were met with Billy sitting on the porch, and the door opening as Joyce came out. The worry on her face was unmistakable. 

“Oh, my God.” He muttered, coming over to you and hugging you. You were both sweaty and gross, but you understood the reaction. She’d expected for you all to be in house when she came back with Will. “You’re okay?” She asked, pulling away and holding your face in her hands. 

You nodded, forcing a tired smile. “I’m alive.” You couldn’t say you were okay, because you knew you weren't. But you were alive, and that was enough for you. 

“Y/n!” Looking over Joyce’s shoulder you saw Will, Jonathan and Nancy coming out as well. Smiling you walked over to Will who came over and hugged you. 

“Hey,” You greeted, hugging him back. 

“It wanted me to kill you.” 

“I know, kid. But you didn’t.” You reminded him, pulling away and smiling down at him. You could see your brother in him. The smile and the tired look in his eyes. “It’s an okay night.” 

“Hey, guys.” You looked at Nancy and Jonathan who smiled back. Eleven and Hopper got back at the same time as you, So Mike and her had gone to each other, and everyone stood around, exhausted and ready to crash. 

“Nancy, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas can stay here for the night, to get some rest.” Joyce told them. “Y/n, Steve, you’re welcome to stay too.” 

Looking over at Steve you could see how exhausted he was, and looking over to Joyce you looked down at Will, who you still had an arm around. “We. . . can get a ride to my apartment. We both need showers.” You told her. 

She nodded and reached over to you, a hand on your cheek that you subconsciously leaned a bit into. 

“I’ll drive them.” Hopper offered to Joyce. 

You nodded a bit, looking over to Steve. “We’ll get the BMW tomorrow morning, yeah?” He nodded in response. 

“We should go now, before he passes out here.” You told Hopper, but really, you could see how Steve was looking at Billy. 

“Let’s go.” 

• • • 

@disneyprincessbuffyannesummers​ @nxncywheeler​ @yllwtaxi​ @songofcosplay​ @potatopooper05​ @cheesecakeisapie @robinsdolan​ @yall-wildin-like-siriusly​  @bisexualpears​ @ilovebucketbarnes​ @random-thoughts-003​ @mochminnie  @abbyg217​​ @stevexscoops​​ @cashmereandtears​​ @iris-suoh​​ @supred12 @ohmyitsfaith​ @beyond-the-gone​

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {36}**

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Fluff, Angst, Slow Burn, Tease, NSFW, SMUT

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought. Recommended listening when indicated by the musical note 🎵: 1st: Pssy & Wine by: Mike Champion and 2nd: All On Me by: Sean Paul  

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive***

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

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Chapter 36: Seize The Day

 -Vixen-

 Singing along to the sounds of Lauryn Hill’s version of Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, you danced around and finished preparing breakfast. This was one of your favorite songs and today you were feeling it.

 “Oh pretty baby, don’t let me down I pray.”

 You rocked your hips and used the tongs as a microphone and hit the high note as you turned to see Chris leaning against the wall with a smile on his face.

 “Shit!”

“Wow, serenade and breakfast.” You pinched your lips and turned back to the stove to finish the sausages to hide your embarrassment.

 “Morning.” You felt him wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek then your neck.

 “Good morning,” you whispered with a smile.

“Mmm, it smells great, it’s been quite a while since anyone made me breakfast,” Chris added.

 “Liar, I’ve made breakfast almost every morning since we’ve been in Boston.”

 He smiled and turned you to him. “Wow, liar is a bit harsh. Take it back.” You smiled and shook your head.

 “Nope. You take it back. I’ve been feeding you well.” his smile was wide as he dropped his lips to your collar.

 “Oh yes you have, very, very well,” he answered placing kisses across your collar and chest. You moaned and quickly got lost. His lips felt amazing. Before you knew it he was stooped before you and kissing your stomach and quickly making his way to the apex of your thighs. His tongue was a weapon and he knew just how to use it.

 You groaned and enjoyed the pleasure he gave before you remembered the plan for the day.

 “Mmm, Chris. Stop.” As soon as the words were said he pulled away from you.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “No, no, it’s okay, nothing like that. I just have a shoot to get to,” you explained.

 “A shoot?”

 “Yes, because I had to come here for work, Kassius rearranged the promo shoot for here. I have to be there in an hour which means we only have time to eat and go.”

 “Oh, okay. What’s for breakfast?”

 “Uh, waffles, sausages, some fruit, and chive scrambled eggs. Don’t tell anyone I stole some ingredients last night.” His smile was perfect, you loved it. Pushing it to the side you put a plate in front of him on the counter.

 “Thank you.” You hopped onto the counter beside him and began eating.

 It was interesting how all this felt as natural as breathing like you’ve been doing this for the last three years and no time had passed at all. You wondered what he thought of your life here. You knew bringing him here would mean he’d see the restaurant, see the house and it would be like confirmation that you’d led this life without him, on purpose. You wondered if he was angry and was hiding it.

 Last night there was no anger in him. He was gentle and amazing, everything you’d remembered him to be. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel anything last night. How could you not especially with that song playing? Occasionally you listened to it when you couldn’t sleep and now he knew it, he knew just how much you thought about Vegas and him. you didn’t feel embarrassed then to tell him the truth, but now you felt exposed and you hated it.

 After breakfast, you went into the shower and used it to get your thoughts and emotions under control. It was quite the feat because you were everywhere but after almost forty minutes you managed. When you met him in the foyer he was dressed and ready for the day. The two of you got into the rental car and drove through the city to the address of the shoot. He asked plenty of questions about the area when you pointed out Ella’s preschool he had a lot more of them. His interest in your life made you feel good.

 When you arrived at the location of the shoot it was time to get to work. The photographer and one of the guys from the team were there to convey just the look Kassius wanted to achieve. You listened in and corrected them when you heard something that just wasn’t you. You wanted to remain true to who you were and not give in to this fake image, you weren’t Hollywood and you would never pretend to be.

 The first look was your chef’s and kitchen attire that you’d chosen for the new restaurant, complete with a chef’s hat. You smiled for the pictures and tried to listen to the instruction for poses but you felt so out of place, so awkward that you were sure that it was coming through in the photos.

 “Okay Vixen, how about you do some poses you normally do in the kitchen,” Albee the photographer suggested.

 “Uh, poses in a kitchen? I don’t pose in my kitchen. I cook,” you announced. Those around smiled.

 “Fair, I walked into that one, but what are some actions that you do in the kitchen? Can you do those?”

 You looked around the set and walked over to the kitchen area and tried to imitate chopping without a knife then tried to stir a pot without an actual pot to stir. You felt ridiculous and after a few minutes, Chris came to stand beside the photographer. He then whispered something to him.

 “All right let’s take five everyone,” Albee announced.

 Chris walked over to you with an amused look on his face.

 “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst how bad did that look?” He smiled and took a deep breath.

 “Well, I don’t want to lie, so eight.” You nodded and sighed out feeling frustrated with the day.

 “Okay look, this is new for you. you’re used to being in the kitchen whipping up incredible dishes being in front of a camera and doing this is weird. I get it, we all get it but you’re overthinking just a bit. I do this way more than I like. It usually helps to make it as natural as possible,” Chris explained.

 “And how do you suggest I do that?”

 “I am glad you asked. First, loosen up you have no need to be self-conscious or nervous, you’re gorgeous and the camera loves you. Put yourself in natural positions, think of it as acting.”

 “I am not an actor.”

 “Neither am I, but don’t tell anyone. Just put yourself in a mindset. You are playing a chef, think of their traits, characteristics, emulate those. When I watched you in the kitchen last night you demanded attention, you were authoritative, confident, controlled, and efficient. You can easily portray those to a camera. Think of poses that show just that.”

 You were hearing him and everything he said was good advice, but you also were focused way too closely on his mouth. It would be so easy to get lost in watching him. The way his mouth moved and then his expressions to convey the meaning of his words were poetic.

 “Try it. I promise it’ll feel easier.”

 “Okay. Thanks.”

 “Anytime.” Chris walked back to stand next to the photographer then he gave you a thumbs up. You nodded and took a few relaxing breaths and went through his advice once more in your head.

 “Ready Vixen?”

 “Yep.”

 You crossed your arms and gave a smirk then remixed it and planted them on your hips and flicked out your shoulder to slightly look over it.

 “Nice, great shots. Keep em’ coming,” Albee critiqued. You felt some of the nerves fall away as you got a little more comfortable. That comfort had you settling into this role that Chris laid out. You glanced at him and he was nodded with a smile of approval. It felt nice to have it.

 Fifteen minutes later, you were posed on top of the kitchen counter like some pin-up model doing role play.

 “All right Vixen, we’ve got some good ones here. Let’s try something different, follow me,” Albee said.

 You hopped off the counter and followed him to a neighboring room that had a real-life kitchen and plenty of things scattered about.

“Uh, what’s this?”

 “Chris brought up something good, you can’t fake what you do. What you do has to be done to be captured, so everything you need to make a dish. As you make it I’m going to snap your pictures. It’ll be real-life art,” Albee explained.

 You looked to Chris who shrugged as if it was nothing. He did this and acted like it was just something regular, something that didn’t need attention.

 “Ready?”

 You nodded and walked to the kitchen and surveilled your surroundings then went to work. This you could do because it felt as easy as breathing, you didn’t have to think about it or plan steps ahead of time. You could hear Albee’s camera clicking but it was easy to ignore it, he worked around you and your actions. There were quite a few comedic flubs that Albee said not to worry about they looked endearing on camera and would work well.

 Halfway through you’d forgotten you were being pictured and now filmed and you were just enjoying what you loved to do. Soon you’d drawn the attention of those who were on set and in the building. They shouted out question after question about the steps you took or how you did something and it turned into a live cooking show.

 About forty minutes in all and you were finished. With the final product in front of you, you finished the shoot with a few shots. You felt in your zone like this was you and not an act.

 “Great work Vixen, my god we got some great shots and footage. You did great.”

 “Thank you. this wasn’t that bad.”

 Albee laughed and patted your arm before he walked off. You looked around for Chris but didn’t see him anywhere. You heard a “psst” behind you and saw him peeking out from behind a wall. As you approached you saw he wore a bright smile.

 “What’re you doing?”

 “I didn’t want to be seen by the people who came in. I wanted this to be just about you.”

 “So you hid back here the entire time?”

 “Not the entire time, maybe thirty minutes. It’s no big deal. You were great. How’d it feel?”

 You quickly pressed your lips to his giving him a sweet kiss that quickly turned into a sultry one. Chris had one hand on your hip and the other cupping your cheek as you intensified the kiss. You wrapped one arm around his neck and just enjoyed it. When you pulled away his eyes were closed.

 “Wow.” Chris looked at you with complete shock and a dumbfounded expression. You pinched your lips and looked down.

 “What was that for?”

 “Uh, thank you. You—you did this, and I appreciate it.” He didn’t speak for a few moments; he just stared at you and gently stroked your cheek with the back of his hand.

 “I’d do anything for you Vixen.” His words hit you like a ton of bricks and several moments passed with the two of you just staring at each other.

 “Excuse me—Vixen?” You stepped away at the sound of Albee’s assistant’s voice.

 “Albee wants to know if you want to see some of the shots.”

 “Yeah, definitely. Thank you.” Without a word to Chris, you walked off to Albee.

 The shots were amazing, and they made you look better than you actually did. You were more than pleased with them and knew Kassius would be too. You mentally checked off another thing on your to-do list and felt excitement bubble with how close this all was to being finished.

 When you and Chris stepped out onto the sun-drenched sidewalk you took a deep breath. “All right, work is done for the day. I have an idea. Let me show you my San Francisco. I’ll take you to a few places I go often, and we’ll grab lunch in there at some point,” you suggested.

 “Sounds good. Lead the way.” He slipped his sunglasses on and tipped his hat low securing the incognito celebrity signature fashion and the two of you were off.

 Five minutes later, you were on a cable car. You were standing on the side holding on to the bar with Chris behind you with one hand on the bar and the other holding you around the waist. “The likelihood of me falling off is slim,” you assured.

 “Better safe than sorry, there’s a little girl who would kill me if anything happened to her favorite person in the world.” You smiled and allowed him to hold you close, you didn’t mind, you actually liked it.

 When you got off you brought him into your favorite bakery. Once he walked inside he moaned. At the counter, he damn near pressed his face to the display case as he admired every treat there. You took care of ordering one of each of the eight things you, Ella and Nex loved here. Once they were ready you were off again. As you walked and talked you ate, it was the San Franciscan way.

 Next, you took him to Telegraph Hill and to some of the famous stone step paths in the city. You talked about a variety of things as you walked toward the steps you knew that would take to you the waterside. He told you stories about his childhood, his siblings, stories about his first few years in Hollywood, stories about those he was closest to in the business and even how he’d med them. It was enlightening. Occasionally he’d initiate contact either through a securing hand at your back, or an assistive hand down a steep decline, every time it made you feel like a girly girl and gave you butterflies.

 Once you’d made it to one of the waterside locations where you pointed out Alcatraz. He was able to use the telescope there to find it. That was when he proceeded to list off a few impressive facts about the place, surprising you in the process with his broad knowledge. After his near five-minute lecture, he stopped and the most adorkable expression washed over him, it was one of embarrassment and humor. It was perfect and gave you a sight of a new side. You sat at the waterside for some time and enjoyed the smell of the water, the sun, and the breeze through the trees. It was a beautiful afternoon. Chris would brush your hair from your face often. When you felt him take your hand it made you smile like an idiot which made him smile like an even bigger idiot and you were two idiots holding hands smiling.

 When you took him to the best seafood restaurant in town the two of you did not downplay how much you ate. You ordered everything on the menu and plenty of beer to go with it as did he and the two of you pigged out without an ounce of shame. It felt good to just relax and not have there be any awkwardness or tension between you. It felt like the night in LA when you’d had tacos together, comfortable.

 The sun had set by the time you made it to your last stop, a chocolatier. Turns out he has a mean sweet tooth that he likes to keep under wraps. While there, he tried almost all of their seventy variations of chocolate treats one after the other. You had no wonder where Ella got her sweets obsession, neither of them had any chill. A few times he’d feed you a few pieces as if it didn’t take a thought. He even finished something you’d had a bite of or wiped chocolate from the corner of your mouth and licked his finger afterward. By the time you left the shop, you were holding hands and slowly strolling to the cable car. On the car, he stood behind you with both arms wrapped around you whispering into your ear with his chin on your shoulder. You had no idea how you’d gotten here, but you liked it here.

 When you were home you and Chris split up. It allowed you time to shower and check emails and respond to Kassius and other work obligations. After an hour, you’d finished applications for the new restaurant, chosen your kitchen staff and most of your wait staff and signed off on most of the vendors before you got caught up talking to Ella. She told you all about the great things she’d been doing with her grandmothers and cousins. She sounded like she was having a blast and barely missed you or Chris. After promising her you’d be back tomorrow she asked to talk to Chris. You found him in the living room doing some work of his own. Once he heard her voice his face lit up.

 You went back to your room to give him some space. When you were in your closet a great idea hit you. When you turned Chris was walking in.

 “She doesn’t sound like she misses me at all.”

 You snorted and laughed then patted his shoulder. “Aww, you’ll get over it.”

 “I don’t know if I will.”

 “I have a great idea. This is your last night here, how about I take you to one of my favorite places.”

 “What kind of place is this?”

 “Uh, it’s a bit of a dancehall,” you informed. Chris’ eyebrows shot up.

 “Dancehall? As in club?”

 “Not a traditional club, it has more of an underground vibe to it. not many people know about it, the music is good, and the drinks are strong. Nexus and I like to go there every once in a while when I’m not too swamped.”

 “So, I’ll see you in your natural environment?”

 You laughed and gently pushed him. “Natural environment? What am I some endangered species?”

 Chris pulled you flush against him with a wide smile on his face then wrapped his arms around you. “Of course, you are. You’re a rare unicorn, mother of unicorns,” he teased. The two of you laughed together until he softly kissed you once then twice and teased your bottom lip. You kissed him back and allowed him to press you against your opened door.

 “So, do you want to?”

 Chris nodded and kissed your nose. “I do, I want to do everything with you.” You smiled and tried not to blush. The way he easily made you feel like a schoolgirl was crazy.

 “Okay. So get ready.” You pulled away and bit your bottom lip, an action he imitated. Neither of you moved again and you felt the air in the room change. You knew he felt it too.

 “Thirty minutes?”

 You nodded and walked away toward your closet trying to create space between you to prevent the inevitable.

An hour and a half later, you walked inside the dancehall with Chris close behind you. One hand was on your waist as you held the other. The music was loud, and the air was hazy from the mixture of smoke from numerous substances. Off to one corner, you saw a group doing hookah, and nearby a few were smoking blunts and cigarettes. The combination of scents wasn’t unpleasant. As you passed people you noticed a few guys who looked you over before looking to Chris. His hand on your waist tightened possessively.

 At a small table in a far-right corner you sat and crossed your legs, Chris’ eyes immediately fell to your exposed thighs.

 “That outfit is bringing plenty of attention,” shouted over the music. You smiled and shrugged.

 “Is it?” He nodded and scooted closer to you stretched his arm around your shoulder and whispered to you.

 “Trying to make me jealous?” You smiled and locked eyes with him.

 “I didn’t know I had the power to make you jealous.”

 “You have more power than you know,” he whispered back. The look that you shared stole your breath and made your heart race. Everything around you faded and neither of you noticed anything or anyone.

 “Eh-em!”

 Before you was one of the bottle girls with a smile on her face. Chris dipped his head down and hid it behind your shoulder just a bit.

 “Hi.”

 “What can I getcha?”

 “Two bourbons, double,” you answered.

 She nodded and walked off but not before glancing back at Chris.

 “I don’t think she recognized you,” you assured.

 The music changed to a modern day soca hit and everyone around you livened up and began dancing and chanting along with it.

 “Do you dance?”

 Chris smiled and went back to your ear. “I think you know the answer to that.”

 You remembered your time in Vegas, you’d been in a club together and danced together. He had rhythm. That coupled with his charm made him a great dancer, although you may have been so drunk and horny anything was good to you.

 “I was drunk as hell; everything was great that night.”

 He smiled and nodded then stood and held his hand out. You looked at it then him and took it. Chris pulled you to him and then brought you toward an even darker corner. Once there he began bouncing to the beat trying to coax you into joining him. slowly you began dancing with him and it didn’t take any time at all for the two of you to begin to enjoy yourselves. You were right he had rhythm and was such a goofball that even if he messed up he didn’t care.

 You took a break and went back to your table to enjoy your drinks and some conversation. The energy in the club was great and you loved that it didn’t get overpacked, there was a max occupancy of a hundred or so and even then it wasn’t as if everyone was all over each other. The music changed several times and went between reggae to soca to sultry RnB and it was all working together with the drinks you had.

 A few hours later, you were as loose as you were going to get, and you grabbed his hand and lead him to a dark corner that wasn’t occupied. Halfway there Chris pulled you back into him and softly kissed your neck. The music changed as soon as you got to your destination and you couldn’t have planned it better. The sounds of 🎵Mike Champion surrounded you. You turned to Chris and locked eyes with him and began swaying your body. He didn’t pretend not to look at you, his eyes slowly raked over your body before his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

 The song was one of your favorites and it always put you in the mind frame where your thoughts easily flowed to him. With him in front of you, you decided to tease him. Turning your back to him Chris squeezed your hip and stood there as you swayed and ground your hips onto him. you could hear his breathing change and felt one of his hands trail to the top of one of your thighs. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder and then you felt his teeth latch onto your earlobe and gently bite down.

 “Mmm.”

“You like that?” His voice was crazy deep and it opened the door of your desire. That was all it took.

 “Tell me.” It was an order and one you had no problem obeying.

 “Yes.” Chris kissed then sucked the sensitive part of your neck and began swaying with you keeping up with the pace you set. You couldn’t believe that you were horny in this club from nothing but his voice and a kiss to the neck.

 Chris’ hand snaked around to your backside but slid down to the back of your thigh. He slowly felt your skin and just as he was about to kiss your neck again the song changed. You could have shot the DJ for it, but when you realized what song he’d changed it to you could have kissed him. 🎵You turned to Chris and draped your arms around his neck. In the same breath, he pulled you on him. The two of you swayed together and kept to the beat. With your forehead just below his nose, you kept your eyes down and focused on the words of the song and how quickly you were fell under his spell.

 Chris’ hands on your lower back squeezed the skin there before he moved them to your hips to squeeze again. A soft groan escaped your lips, a groan you know he heard. Chancing a look at him, you found his eyes already on you. the temptation between you reached an almost critical level. Chris took your hands and spun you, so your back was to his chest. You took the opportunity to whine against him making sure to roll your hips slowly. When you heard him suck in a breath you smirked to yourself.

You dipped down just a little and let your ass do all the talking. You felt his undivided attention and from the quick glance you got of him from over your shoulder he knew just what you were doing. When you stood up to press your back against his chest Chris moved your hair to the side allowing you to feel his breath on your neck by your ear.

 “Cause I'm searchin’ just to find a toppa top girl, and you lookin' fine. I love that shape and that design, gimme your body anytime. And I know you hear me clear, girl, you gotta know I got no fear. And you know I will be prepared if you give me your body anywhere.”

 Your head snapped back to look at him, he had an amused grin on his face. “I may be white but I’m not vanilla.”

 You laughed loud and shook your head and sunk back into him again only this time adding more of a belly dancing flare to it, Shakira was not the only one who could do it. When Chris’ hands rested at your pelvis every urge wanted you to grab his hand and put it where you wanted it. When you turned to him you could see he was struggling with his desires as well. The look on his face was masked but only just a little, you knew just what he wanted and you were going to tease the hell out of him before you gave it to him.

 “C'mon now let’s go, where nobody knows. You and me alone, you and me together. Wanna feel it in my soul, baby take control. Love when you, oh, make it last forever,” you sang along while staring into his eyes.

 There could have been the biggest fight going on around you but neither of you would have known it with how wrapped up with each other you were. Song after song played but the two of you only had eyes for one another and the bubble you were in only got smaller and smaller.

 When you made it back to your house once the front door shut you were on him. You each peeled off your clothes and threw them around not caring where they landed. When they crashed into something the two of you giggled like drunk kids. Your lips and teeth clashed but neither of you cared you just giggled your way through the hall until Chris carried you up the stairs. He stumbled and lowered you to the steps and hovered over you. his lips kissed, licked and sucked a path down your exposed skin. When he got to your waist he didn’t stop instead he went to your core and placed a suctioned kiss right on your clit.

 “Fuck!”

 “Like that?”

 “Mmm-hm.” Your pitch was high, and you sounded desperate, you didn’t care.

 “God, you’re irresistible!”

 Chris scooped you up and scurried up the remainder of the steps to your bedroom where he dropped you on the bed. You laughed while you bounced then sat up to help him undress. As he worked with kicking off his shoes, you busied yourself with peeling off his pants. Chris then took over and kicked them off and jumped onto you. Your laughter mingled together. Chris then slithered down your body to pull off your underwear and again he kissed your clit and went to work.

 He didn’t take his time, his mission was to get you off and it was evident with how expertly he commanded your body to do what he wanted. After only a few minutes you felt your orgasm take over and you clamped his head between your thighs as you rode the wave. He easily pried them apart and pressed them to the bed. The strength he exhibited made you want him even more. You rolled onto him and kissed down his chest across his abs and went right for your prize.

 As you were going to grab him his length spasmed and nudged you right on your nose. That cracked the two of you up and you both broke out in a fit of laughter especially when he apologized.

 “He has a mind of his own.”

 You couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, you did though and wrapped your lips around him. His groan was deep and guttural. It made goosebumps scatter across your skin, you loved it. Slowly you bobbed your head up and down his need. Each time your lips wrapped around his tip he whimpered and grabbed the sheets beside him.

 “Christ, your mouth feels incredible.”

 You smirked and swirled your tongue around him. making him shiver.

 “Does it? Do you like it?”

 “So much,” he whispered, again you smirked.

 “Do you want me to keep going?”

 Chris quickly nodded his head with his jaw dropped. “Yes, please.”

 Amusement filled you and you continued pleasing him. Everything you did had him grunting, moaning and bucking his hips up sending his full length further down your throat. Your moans joined his and soon his hands sunk into your hair and he began guiding your head. When you picked up the pace he angled his head back and grunted and sucked in a breath.

 “Fuck Vixen. Slow—slow baby.”

 The sound of the endearment made your heart flutter and had you speeding up rather than going slow. When his grunts turned to loud whimpers you pulled your head back and stared at him. When he looked to you, you smiled and crooked your finger to him.

“Come ‘ere.” Chris slid to the edge of the bed and kissed your stomach up to your breast and sucked a nipple before he kissed you with urgency. His hands squeezed the flesh of your ass and he pulled a moan from you before you turned and slowly sank down onto him.

 “Aaah.” He sighed and held you there, so you didn’t move. You enjoyed the feel of him filling and stretching you to capacity. Slowly you whined your hips circling him. he bit your shoulder harshly then kissed it soothing the ache.

 When you began bouncing on him you looked over your shoulder, locked eyes with him and enjoyed how helpless he looked. It made you feel powerful but you also couldn’t ignore how good he felt. After a few minutes, Chris began pumping up to meet each of your bounces sending him further inside of you.

 “Fuck, yes Chris.”

 That was all he needed to hold your hips where they were to plow into you setting a heart-racing pace. Your moans fell from you one after the other as did his. You were so close to losing your shit and he must have known it because when his fingers made contact with your clit you flung your head back and gave him full control.

 “You feel so good, you make me feel so good,” Chris whispered. He then stood with you and pushed you onto the bed and angled your ass in the air then continued his thrusts. The new angle was all you needed for your release to break free. You screamed then felt his hand at the back of your neck holding tightly. Another orgasm washed over you even before the first finished.

 “Mmm, come all over this dick Vix. Come for me.”

 You hadn’t seen this man since Vegas, the man who got off on control and orders, the man who had a clear dominance kink, the man who had the power to make you come over seven times in one night. You gripped the sheets because you knew it was a matter of time before you came again. Chris’ hands wrapped around your hair and gently pulled as he slammed into you to the hilt. As expected you came again and clenched around him. Chris hovered over your back and kissed a path up to your shoulder then bit down.

 “Mmm, God you’re gonna make me come.”

 “Come for me,” you ordered.

 “You want me to come?” His strokes slowed but the depth of which he reached increased. Your jaw dropped, words failed you as your toes curled and body shook with your fourth release of the night.

 “I can’t hear you, Vix. Do—you—want—me—to—come?” With each word, he enunciated he slammed into you. By the time he slammed into you once more he ground against you sending his cock to touch every wall and involuntarily pull yet another orgasm from you.

 “Shit! No! Fuck me.”

 “No please?”

 “Pretty please.” You felt his smile on your ear then he gave you just what you asked for—the pounding of your life.

 Your screams echoed around the room and mingled with his loud grunts and groans. The room filled with the combined scent of your sex and it was a hedonistic scent, one that fueled the fire of desire between you. By the time Chris finally came, you were exhausted. You could barely move let alone keep your eyes open.

 ~~~~~~~~~

 -Chris-

 You were going to be the death of him. He’d buried himself so deep in you he’d made you come over and over. He should have been tired, but he wasn’t. He should have passed out after he came but he couldn’t. He had way too much going on in his head and his body wanted more of you. It had never been like this with anyone. He could easily control himself but with you that control was nonexistent. He didn’t even know what it felt like. You were his addiction, temptation, and relief.

 Ten minutes after both of your breathing had returned to normal he knew he had to tell you. He took a deep breath but hesitated yet again. He was afraid, he knew that by now. He knew there was a fifty-fifty chance that you’d be upset and that you’d want to proceed with the divorce. He knew he could lose you—again. He didn’t want to, but he had to face the music.

 “Vix.”

 A soft moan rumbled on his chest. Closing his eyes, he began.

 “I have a confession, a confession that I should have told you weeks ago. A confession that may come as a shock. First I have to tell you what a huge mistake I made three years ago. What I said to you—there is no excuse for it. I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I have to say it again. I’ve regretted it for years; I still regret it. I wanted to find you and went back and forth if I should or shouldn’t. I didn’t have the courage to find you really. I was so ashamed of myself and how I’d treated you, I was such an asshole. Uugh.”

 He hit his head on the headboard and hated himself all over again. It was his words that had him missing the last three years. His words, his fault.

 “Since finding you again I’ve—I’ve been reminded of the things I felt. The things I felt, I ignored and buried. I was not prepared for you or what I felt then. I ran from it and ended up right back there. I think about you—a hell of a lot, I dream about you. I want things with you I’ve never wanted with anyone else, I want things I didn’t know I wanted until you. You’re—you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I really, really—like you. You have no idea how much. I want to start fresh, I want to build a life, a new one. A few weeks ago, I found out that there was a mix up with the original divorce papers we signed. Sherman—Sherman went through a personal ordeal and the paperwork got lost and was never filed. We’re still married.”

 He waited for you to say something but when you didn’t he continued. “I know it’s a shock and probably an unwelcomed one, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t be divorced, that we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives. Maybe what God intended three years ago was to bring us together and he’s not letting either of us off the hook.”

 Still, you didn’t speak.

 “Vixen?” He glanced down at you and saw you were fast asleep. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He dropped his head back and closed his eyes in disbelief he’d gone through all of it only for you not to hear him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[anne-white-star]

Third doctor x depressed!Reader

Please before you read this x reader

Here is a link to a post with phone numbers to difrent suicide hotlines please stay safe and alive and remember you are important and loved!!💗💗💗

Words : 1847

Warning : attempted suicide, depression, drowning

A good ending with some Fluff enjoy reading

Being one of the doctors companions was something really great but somethimes she wanted to be more than just a companion. Y/n enjoyed being at UNIT most of the time and also being a secretary at UNIT was a verry important job. Checking papers and making sure everything is correct. But the past few months stress has been building up. Y/n somethimes missed meals or she din't sleep some nights. The others din't notice anything.

She sat wrighting at her desk when the door opend "Miss y/l/n" the brigadier walked in. "yes sir" she awnserd back. "I need you to come with miss grant, the doctor and i on a trip to Londen for a very important meeting" "yes sir i'll be right with you". The brigadier walked out and y/n grabed her bag with the things She would need. She sighed and walked outside the others were waiting in bessie. "Ready for a trip my dear" asked the doctor "yes i am" she nodded and sat next to jo in the back Seat.

*ariving at Palace of Westminster*

When they arived they all got out of bessie and walked to the doors to get in "miss y/l/n you come with me, doctor you and miss grant can go and explore we will see echoter again round 5 o clock". When the doctor looked at y/n he saw that something isn't right, but then it was gone again and he brushed it off. Y/n followed the brigadier to a room and start the meeting. "Miss y/l/n its so great to see you again" said one of the men who sat at the table, she gave a nod and sat down grabbing her pen and note pad to start writing.

The meeting went like normal all about politics, aliens the master and of course money. Y/n started to zone out. And then she snaped out of her trans when the brigadier spoke "i think its time to call this meeting to an end" The brigadier stood up And shook hands with the people at the table. Y/n put her stuff back in her bag and stood up as wel. She walked out of the room back to the doctor who was waiting for them they got the news they could stay at Buckingham palace where they would stay for the upcoming few days.

When they got there they got escorted to their room y/n had to try and calm her self down She sat down on the bed and hold her head in her hands looking down at the ground tears fell from her eyes. And then she heared a knok at the door "one moment please" y/n dried her eyes with her sleeves" she stood up and unlocked the door. When she opend it jo stood there waiting for her "Hey y/n i was wondering if you want to get dinner with the brigadier, doctor and me?"  she said in a cheerfull tone "yeah sure" y/n gave a fake smile, jo looked at her "are you alright y/n? It looks like you have been crying", "im fine sorry i accidentally stubbed my foot and that hurt" she smiled again. "Alright i just want to make sure, so how about dinner". "Sounds good" y/n closed the door and walked togeter with jo to the dining hall.  

When they got there the brigadier and the doctor were waiting for them y/n sat next to the doctor. "Hello my dear did you setttle in your room already?", " Yes i have it has a great view of the garden" she smiled. Then the food was served but y/n wasn't that hungry she picked at her food with the fork. "Is somthing wrong miss y/l/n?" Asked the brigadier. "No not at all im just not that hungry, i think im going to bed im extremly tired, good night". Y/n stood up And walked away from them when she was gone the doctor spoke "have any of you two noticed something off about y/n the isnt her self it seems". "Yes i have noticed it as wel, because when i came to her bedroom she had been crying" spoke jo "the only thing i noticed is that she's never in the break room when its time for some food or a drink".

Y/n was in her room sitting at a table Wrighting a piece of paper while tears fell on to the paper. It was a goodbye note. When she was done she grabed her jacked and walked out leaving the paper on her bed. Walking past the guards she asked them if they could let her pass. When she was out of the palace gates she started on her walk to the tower bridge. About 10 minuts later the doctor the brigadier and jo went to check up on her they knoked on the door but got no reply. It was locked and the doctor could not open it with his his sonic "jo do you perhaps have a hair pin with you" jo nodded and grabed the pin out of her hair "thank you dear" the doctor fiddled with the lock and then *click* they opend the door and turned on the light but she wasn't there. "Where could she have gone to" asked the brigadier while looking around the room. "Doctor, brigadier look!" Jo grabed the piece of folden paper of the bed and gave it to the doctor to read it. The doctor unfolded the paper and began to read it out loud.

"Hello doctor, brigadier and jo

If you read this note its the last paper that i will be wrighting in my life, things haven't been to kind on me while i loved working with and for you all. im sad to say that i can't do this anymore. I thought it would go away but unfortanetly it hasn't, please don't blame it on your self its my own fault for this.

Oh and doctor if you are the one reading this i have something to tell you but i had never the courage to say it, doctor i love you and always have, i wish i could have been more than just a companion but knowing i would die one way or an other i kept it to myself. Like i wrote before please don't blame yourself you are not at fault. Please remember that i love every one of you and please tell it to Mike and benton as well."

You will find me at the tower bridge

Sincerely

Y/n, y/l/n.

When the doctor finished reading he had a bad feeling in his chest. Jo had tears dripping from her eyes and the brigadier looked shocked he dint know that it was this bad. The doctor spoke "we have to find her we can't let her take her own life" he ran out of the bedroom and the others followed him, bessie was parked outside Lucky enough but they had to ask the guards to let them pass. Y/n was already at the tower bridge she was staring at the dark waters below her. She trew off her jacked and climbed on the side of the bridge. She looked up at the sky wispering words in the air. The doctor and the others were still on their way they were not far from the tower bridge "doctor look!" Jo screamed while pointing, the doctor looked where jo was pointing and they could see the figure of y/n stand on the side of the bridge. When they were almost there she jumped in the water.

When y/n was done wispering her final words she jumped. She felt the cold water toutch her body at first it was cold but then it was comforting and welcoming. Y/n dint have any oxygen left and let go of her last breath she din't strugle or try to swim upward she just let her body sink to the botom of the thames.

The doctor stopped bessie once they came to the place where y/n had jumped. they all got out and looked over the side hooping that she din't really take her life. Unfortanetly they could not see her. The doctor din't hesatate and took of his cloak and jacket "jo go and get some warmth blankets brigadier i need you to stay here and help me" jo nodded and ran away to get the blankets. The doctor jumped in to the water as wel he hoped there was a chance that they could save her.

Looking around he saw her lying between some water plants she was pale and her lips wer blue. The doctor knew that this isnt good. He swam to her body and took her in his arms. Swiming upward was not that hard for him, when he came to the surface he saw the brigadier standing there waiting for him. The brigadier trew a rope ladder over the side of the bridge. The doctor grabed it and put y/n her body over the side of his shoulder, when he was back on dry land he put y/n her head on his folded cloak and started to preform CPR. pushing her chest up And down and then pintching her nose close and repeat "comone now y/n please wake up don't leave us". But nothig happend. The doctor looked down in sadness tears dripping from his eyes, the brigadier never had seen the doctor cry. But they were caught off guard by the sound of somone coughing. Looking again y/n had been brought back from death trying to cough up the water in her lung, the doctor rolled y/n on her side and rubbed her back "easy now dear its alright" jo came running back with some warm blankets. The doctor took one and placed it over y/n her wet body. The brigadier also placed one over the doctor. "I'll drive" he stood up And walked to bessie jo sat next to the brigadier in the front seat while the doctor placed y/n in the back and sat next to her, the fell uncontious again next to him.

The next time y/n woke up she was back in her guest room, she had new warm clothes on and the doctor was sitting next to the bed on a chair "doctor?" Her voice was hoarse, he looked up at the sound of his name. "How are you feeling?", "cold but thats fine but why did you save me?". The doctor looked at her sadly "y/n why wouldn't we? You are important to us but also really important to me". Y/n looked at him her mind still foggy "i love you doctor" the doctor softly smiled "love you to my dear". "im still cold even while laying under these blankets". The doctor stood up And walked around the otherside of the bed he got in next to her "i hope this alright" he said while taking her in his arms. Y/n snuggled closer to him. "Goodnight doctor", "good night my dear" and they both fell asleep.

The end

[itsnsfwalways]

Canyon Moon

FIC MASTERLIST

WARNINGS FOR CHP. 2: swearing, mild drug & alcohol use, brief mentions of death

CHAPTER TWO: wish i could get to know you

The two of you pull up to your buddy Mike’s place, a small, hole-in-the-wall studio.

Harry parks the car and gets out to open your door, although he waits for you outside to tie your boots.

“How’d you meet this guy?”

“Oh, Mike? We can’t really remember the first time, I’ll tell you the story with him when we’re inside.”

You hop out of the car and grab his hand, swinging it back and forth as you walk up to the front, hearing soft music playing already.

The two of you reach the door and Y/N swings it open, yelling out,

“I hope you’re ready because mama wants a tattoo.”

Harry shakes his head and tries to hide his grin as he turns around to shut the door all the way.

“You’re fucking stupid,” A male voice laughs out, looking up from his sketchbook. His feet are propped up on the counter, and of course, he is littered with tattoos.

“Mike, this is Mr. Ferrari, Ferrari, Mike,” you introduce, waving your hands between the two.

“I saw that fuckin car, I was like ‘who the fuck is coming to me in that?’” Mike exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

“Hey, mate, I’m Harry,” Harry says, leaning forward to shake Mike’s hand while giving you a look that makes your head drop to the floor and your heart skip a beat.

“Nice to meet you, dude. I’m Mike, Like your tats,” Mike says, getting up from the chair behind the counter.

He leads the two of you over to his station, getting all his supplies laid out as you hop into the leather chair.

“So what are you getting, Y/N?” Harry asks, sitting in a chair near you.

“This extremely intricate design that’s going to take lots of mental power, and, of course, only gives me a few hours notice,” Mike teases, kicking the bottom of your chair.

“It’s just this geometrical thing I saw on a Tarot card a little while ago, it really stuck out to me.” You explain, pulling the card from your purse.

“Oh, cool.” Harry nods, picking up the card, only after looking at you for permission, of course. He holds it lightly by the edges, being sure to be gentle with it.

“‘S not gonna bite you, baby,” you giggle, knocking your knee against his, biting back a smile at the way his head shoots up.

He grins at you, knocking his knee back while setting down the card carefully on the table.

“I know, but I know these cards are special to some people, want to be gentle with em,” he says softly, twirling his pointer finger ring.

“Some decks are, but these are very relaxed. You don’t have to treat em like glass.”

He nods and blushes slightly, looking away for a second to hide his smile.

“You done flirting so I can start?” Mike asks, removing the transfer paper from your inner right forearm.

“You’ve had sex on my living room floor, I’m allowed to do whatever the fuck I want after that,” you say, shuddering slightly at the memory.

“Fair point.” Mike nods, beginning the design.

“So, um, Y/N said that you guys can’t remember how you met? I’d love to hear the story.” Harry jumps in, eyebrows raised at your last statement.

“Oh, fuck,” Mike laughs, dipping the needle in more ink. “I think it needs to come with a warning that I spent pretty much the entire year of 2015 drunk. She says we met at a Tame Impala gig but I have no such memory of this happening.”

“It did happen! You gave me your number because I kept bugging you about your tattoos but it was to this random mom in Philadelphia, who did not appreciate me calling her at 3 am.”

“Anyways,” Mike cuts in, rolling his eyes, “We officially met at a New Year’s Eve party later that year that my wife, Maggie, hosted. Y/N and her ex came and proceeded to break up right before the ball dropped, and she made out with my sister instead just to piss him off.”

You let out a laugh and cover your quickly turning red face with your hand, peeking through your fingers to gauge Harry’s reaction.

“Wow.” He acknowledges, eyebrows raised and fingers pinching his bottom lip, glancing back at you. His lips quiver slightly as he tries to hold back his laughter.

“Alright, haha, very funny. The ending to this, BEAUTIFUL, story, I must say, is he gave me this tattoo the next week and the rest is history.” You gesture to the sunflower bundle inked on your thigh, before puckering up your lips at Mike, who, without even looking up, shoves your face with his other hand.

“Honestly, Harry, I’d run while you can. There’s never a dull moment with this one, that’s for fucking sure.” Mike advises, rolling his eyes when you smile widely.

“I’m starting to learn that,” Harry laughs, eyes trained on you.

The three of you go into a comfortable silence, the only sound being the tattoo gun whirring and your occasional whimper at a sensitive spot.

A thin line of sweat has slowly covered your body, and Mike notices, scoffing.

“We’re gonna take a quick break. I’m gonna go get a cig when you get calm, back in 20,” He says, stopping the machine and leaving the room quickly.

“So, uh, you guys have quite a fun dynamic,” Harry comments.

You take a deep breath and look to him, your mouth closing at how he’s positioned. It’s been about an hour at this point, and he’s shifted in his seat to a more comfortable position. Leaned back against the chair, legs spread open, arms resting behind his back, it wasn’t helping your situation.

“Yeah, he’s like my older brother. His sister is great too,” You mindlessly say.

“I’ll bet,” Harry smirks, nodding slowly.

“Hey, quit it. You get to have fun with pretty girls and so do I.”

Harry clears his throat at your boldness and adjusts his positioning, changing to lean forward on his knees.

You get up to grab two water bottles from the mini-fridge under the counter, offering one to Harry when you sit back down.

Drinking about half the bottle, you let out a sigh, trying to get your shaking legs under control.

“What’s your shirt say?” You ask, still having not figured out the small black text.

“Oh, it says ‘Treat People With Kindness’. It’s kind of my motto, or slogan, I guess. Most of my merch says either this or the abbreviation for it.” He tells you, hands going down to pull the shirt away from his chest.

“That’s really nice, Harry.” He glances up at you with a small smile on his face, nodding slightly.

“Bit egotistical wearing your own merch, but hey, who am I to judge?”

He rolls his eyes and bumps the bottom of your chair with his foot.

“Why’d he stop? You don’t seem to be freaking out to me. Maybe a little sweaty,” he teases, not realizing what he’s asking.

Groaning, you lean your head backwards towards the ceiling, hating yourself for what you’re about to say.

“Got a bit of a pain kink so I’m... overwhelmed, let’s say, and Mike hates that about me.”

Harry lets out a breath of air at this and you turn your head to look at him.

Your slight leg tremors are now starting to click, the blown out pupils, and swollen red lips from how much you were biting them.

“If it makes you feel better, I had to get a tattoo on live television and to this day, I still see zoomed in photos of my eyes from it online. At least they make the process fun.”

Your jaw drops and you lift your head up.

“Alright, Harry, shit,” you mutter, wiping the sweat off your brow. “Always got to one up me.”

He looks shocked at this and mockingly puts a hand to his chest.

“Says you! From the minute I met you, you’ve continued to surprise me with everything you say.”

“Okay, Mr. ‘I sang with Stevie Nicks and cruise around Malibu in a beautiful car’.” You say, blushing slightly from his words.

“You sang with Stevie Nicks?” Mike asks, walking through the door.

“Yes! He’s a musician, let’s play his album. What’s it called?” You jump up, slapping your hands on your thighs.

“Harry Styles, it’s a self-titled album. You can listen to it later if you want, I mean, we don’t have to-“

You shut off his rambling quickly.

“I wanna hear your voice! Also self-titled, we love a man with a big ego,” You tease, getting up to get the iPad that controls the music.

Typing in his name, you raise your eyes at the number of streams he has, clicking on the album and playing the first song, ‘Meet Me In The Hallway’.

“You’re quite pretty, Harry. That’s some gorgeous cover art.” You comment, pretending to examine it further.

“Oh god,” he laughs, tucking his chin down to hide his face a little bit.

“Okay, Y/N, shut up, sit your ass down, so I can finish this and you can listen to the song properly.” Mike points, making you put the iPad down and come over.

The song hypnotizes you for a second, trying to zone out and listen to it.

“Shit, Harry, you are fucking good.” You mutter, hand going to your mouth at his talent.

“Thank you,” he whispers, looking almost nervous at your reaction.

Your jaw stays open pretty much the entire song, each note making your eyes go wider or glance at Harry, trying to figure out how he is this perfect.

“Is it too soon to propose?” You ask, his voice slowly fading in the background as it changes to the next song.

He laughs and scrunches his nose slightly before telling you, “Just a tad.”

The next song starts playing, and you’d be lying if tears didn’t fall.

Trying to play it off, you look away and wipe your eyes. Mike glances up at you and stops for a minute, rubbing your arm slightly and giving you a squeeze. You tap back on the table and he nods, feeling better that you gave him an okay.

“Fuck, sorry, this is a lot. Crying on the second song, phew. Hope you’re doing good upstairs, Harry,” You laugh, sniffling a little.

“Don’t apologize, please. Music brings up a lot of emotions, I feel so honored that you’re reacting to it so strongly.” He says, rubbing your knee slightly,

“Should I cry a little more then?” You tease, smiling at him with damp eyes.

“Boost my ego a bit, maybe,” he smiles back.

All of a sudden, the song climaxes, and your jaw drops once more.

“Holy shit, Harry! Do you have anything wrong with you? My god.” You shake your head, in disbelief over him.

“I mean, I am always traveling, so there’s that. But other than that, I’m pretty much awesome,” he pretends to boast, fake popping his collar.

The song shifts to Carolina, which Harry tells you after you ask as soon as it starts playing.

“She’s such a good girl, she feels so good. Am I hearing that right? Just wanna check,” you recite the lyrics slowly back to him, moving your free arm around.

Harry looks away, pretending to check out the pictures on the wall behind him.

“Are you gonna be like this for every song?” Mike asks, and you nod happily, bumping your head to the beat.

Almost the entire album plays while Mike is tattooing you, all with varying reactions of either, ‘Harry!’, ‘Is this real?’, ‘I’m gonna start crying’, or ‘this is the sexiest shit I’ve ever heard’. Without fail, you ask him the song name when the first few notes start playing and he tells you it, sitting quietly and smiling at you getting so happy over his music.

Mike finishes wrapping you up and goes to the back to find some healing products for you as the final notes of Woman play, and you swivel in your chair to face Harry, knocking your knees against his.

“What’s the next one called?” You ask, so in awe of the man sitting in front of you.

“From the Dining Table. ‘S the last one. Quite an emotional one.” He says back, smiling sadly at you while playing with his rings.

You nod in understanding as it starts, coming to sit next to him and leaning your head on his shoulder, so drained from the last few hours. He wraps his arm around you, tucking his head over yours.

The song goes by without a noise from either of you, sans a few sniffles that made Harry squeeze you a little tighter.

After it ends and the two of you sit there in silence for a while, you say quietly,

“I like how at the end the music swelled when you wanted them to call you, and then it cut out. That was pretty powerful.”

He nods, the movement moving your head slightly.

“I like that part too.”

You pull away from him and look at his face close up for a second, trying to read him.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I mean, obviously not with me, but that you let me freak out over you. You’re really special, Mr. Ferrari,” you whisper, brushing his hair out of his face.

“So are you, Y/N,” he mumbles, eyes flickering to your lips for a second.

“You paying cash or card?” Mike’s voice cuts through the air and the two of you jump apart, feeling like teenagers.

“Um, card,” You say, standing up with your purse and heading to the counter to pay.

Mike rings you up and you grab a hundred from your wallet to tip him with.

“Ah, I remembered why I like you,” Mike smirks, grabbing the bill from you.

“Stupid,” you mutter, giving him a hug goodbye.

“Oh, before you leave, I’m throwing a party this Saturday, Harry, you’re welcome to come as well,” Mike adds, gesturing him over.

He moves from his spot against the wall to stand next to you, a hand resting on your lower back for a second before dropping to his side.

“Thank you, I’ll have to check and see but I’d love to come. It was great meeting you mate, might have to set an appointment up in the future,” He smiles, shaking Mike’s hand once more.

“Hell yes, brother, I’d love to. Great album, by the way. Can see why Y/N brought you by.” Mike crosses his arms over his chest and looks at you while he says this.

“Alright, shut it down,” You snap your fingers at him, glaring slightly. “I’ll text you later, loser.”

“Get out!” He yells, making you laugh as you drag Harry away.

“Need help with your bag?” Harry asks as you exit the shop, the cold air biting your bare legs.

“I’m good, thank you though.” You swing the bag so it hits his butt just to see the way he jumps and runs away from you for a second.

“Hey! No hitting the driver!” He scolds, wagging a finger pointedly.

“We haven’t even gotten in the car yet!” You argue, coming to a stop in front of his car.

“Doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head and grins at you when he unlocks the door, immediately reaching for yours to open it for you.

“Thank you.” Your voice came out as a meek whisper and you cleared your throat after he shut the door, trying to shake out your butterflies.

He plops himself down next to you and pats his hands on the steering wheel for a second.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your van or your apartment?” He asks, turning to face you.

“Trying to kick me out?” You questioned, laughing at his expression.

“Van’s fine. I’m probably just going to write, I’ve got some stuff to do for a friend.”

“Is there a name for the beach? I’m not sure I remember how to get there,” Harry admits, opening up Google Maps on his phone.

“Not really but I can just find it on the map real quick, I’ve been in this position way too many times.”

He hands his phone over and you find the cove in less than twenty seconds, handing it back over.

“So where are you from? I’m realizing you tricked me into spilling my guts without telling me too much about yourself.” Harry questions, hand going up to scratch his chin.

“I grew up kind of all around California, my family was always traveling so I was homeschooled for all my life. Only child, because we were pretty broke and I was a ‘happy accident’,” You quote, laughing at your mom’s phrasing.

“Aren’t we all really?” Harry grins, shrugging slightly.

“I think so. Anyways, my parents died when I was 15 and that really made me get my shit together. I moved in with my best friend, Laura. Graduated high school early and just worked my ass off for a couple years. Bought Miss Sunflower and renovated her, traveled through America for about a year and a half before moving here with Laura. She and I got an apartment together and just have kind of figured life out since then. She works at a record label and I’ve been working as a part-time songwriter since I was 16, mostly just helping out whenever an extra person is needed or they need some extra little sad sprinkles in a song.” You explain, taking a breath after you finish your little rant.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. I know your parents would be very proud of you staying true to your roots.” Harry sadly smiles, rolling up to a red light at the perfect time. He leans over to give you a quick hug and you graciously accept, whispering a little ‘thank you’ in his ear.

“It’s been a rough grieving process but I’d like to think they are. Please don’t pity me though, it sucks, yes, but life could be so much worse. I’m lucky to have the people in my life that I do,” you explained, picking your nails nervously.

“I completely understand. I lost my stepdad last year and being there for my mum was the only thing that kind of kept me going,” Harry sympathizes, twisting one of his rings around his hands.

“I’m sorry as well,” you murmur, taking his hand and holding it.

“Yeah,” Harry exhales harshly. “Life’s a bitch.”

You giggle lightly, nodding. “That she is.”

The two of you sit in silence for the remainder of the drive back, listening to the ocean waves and the sounds of your breathing.

Harry parks his car next to your van and puts it in park, leaving the headlights on.

“Thank you for coming with me and sharing all of this, you really know how to make a girl feel special,” you blush, tucking a loose curl behind your ear.

“Thank you, Y/N. I feel like my whole view on the world has shifted so much in the last few hours,” Harry gushes, and you have to turn away to smile for a second.

“Come on,” you mumble, hiding your mouth with your hand.

“I’m serious! I know we just met but I really like you, I’d love to continue this. And I need to listen to you play still, not fair I only got to hear from far away for a few seconds.”

“I’d definitely like to see you again, but it’s a harsh maybe on the playing,” You nod, biting your lip to stop the smile from plastering itself on your face.

“I can give you my number if that works, but, like I said, I’m always here.” You offered, gesturing to your car.

“Number works great. And I’ll let you have your spot, I don’t want to take it away from you,” Harry pulls out his phone to give you his contacts.

“No, please come join me, with friends too! I need to share this little bundle of joy,” You hope to pursuade him into visiting this spot, but his expression is unreadable.

“How about this, I’ll text you before I come?” He suggests, taking his phone back from your hands.

“Perfect. Thank you again, Harry,” you emphasize, leaning over to give him another hug.

“Of course, love. Thank you for a wonderful night.”

You wave goodbye after getting out of his car and head into your van, taking note he doesn’t leave til you’ve gotten yourself inside and shut the door.

You plop yourself down on the bed and sigh, looking up at the ceiling.

“Holy shit,” you sigh, getting up to get into the driver’s seat.

You FaceTime Mike on your way back to the apartment, unable to wait to talk to Laura when you get home.

He answers a few seconds later, beer in hand.

“‘Sup loser,” he greets you with a head nod, “You get home okay?”

“Yes, oh my god. What the fuck was tonight? What do you think of Harry?”

He sighs and moves to lean his phone against something.

“If I’m being honest, the man is unreal. I don’t know how the fuck you found him but, wow. I can’t think of anyone who is down to not only drive someone they just met to get a tattoo, but to then sit through the entire thing while having them fangirl over their album.”

“I was not fangirling!” You try and defend, but one look from Mike shuts you up.

“Okay, maybe I was, but I’m just so in awe. I gave him my number because I thought he might feel weird giving me his. He had almost a billion streams on his first fucking album. That’s insane.” You explain, biting your thumb.

“Quit biting. And yeah, I’m not going to lie I looked him up after you left. Mans is a proper superstar, used to date Kendall Jenner allegedly.”

“Bleh,” you shake. “I don’t want to know about his life from the internet, that’s so weird. Also, when Alex and I were together he was dating some new model every other week, all those magazines are bullshit.”

“True. But Alex also was dating a model,” Mike retorts, trying to pick your buttons.

“Haha, very funny,” you deadpann, rolling your eyes.

“I’m just saying, as your brother, be careful. He really does seem like an amazing guy.”

“Yeah. He really is. Say hi to Maggie for me when you get home! I’m rolling up to my place right now so I gotta go.”

“I will. I know you already know how to take care of your tattoo so I’m not gonna waste my time. Later, loser.”

“Bye, dumbass.” You hang up, pulling into the driveway.

Practically dancing up the steps and through the front door, you’re met with the cozy atmosphere the two of you have created for yourself. You can tell your favorite vanilla candle is burning somewhere in the house and you slip off your shoes, practically running into Laura’s room and leaping onto her bed.

“Hello, my love,” she smiles, hugging you tightly. Her perfume envelopes you and you squeeze her back, lying your head in her lap.

“I thought you were staying at the beach today?” She wonders, playing with your hair.

You sit up at this, resting on your elbows.

“I met a boy,” you smile, putting your hands to your cheeks.

“Shut up!” Her voice raises a few octaves and she scrambles upright, hitting your thigh with her hand.

“Ow!”

“Who is he? Where? Oh my god!” Laura rattles off, bouncing up and down on the bed.

“His name’s Harry, we met at the spot. He came with me to get the Tarot card tattoo at Mike’s.” You gesture to the bandage around your forearm.

“Shit, man. What’s he look like?”

“Fucking hot. He’s British, for one. Tall, curly brown hair, green eyes, lots of tattoos. Also, he’s got the voice of a goddamn angel.”

“You’re not talking about Harry Styles, are you?” Laura asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know him?” You wonder, surprised she knows his name.

Her jaw drops and she fully shoves ou off the bed, emitting a ‘hey!’ from you.

“Of course I know Harry fucking Styles. Are you serious?”

You blow your hair out of your face and lean up on your elbows, one leg still on the edge of the bed.

“No, I’m not joking, what the hell?” You laugh, pulling yourself back onto the comforter.

“How the- who- what?!” She stutters, looking at you expectantly for a story.

“He came up to me on the beach asking for a lighter, we smoked a j and just kind of started talking. I asked if he wanted to go to Mike’s with me and he drove me over, and I’m me, so I tried to pick apart his brain a little. We listened to his album, which, by the way, have you heard it? That shit’s incredible.”

“Of course I’ve heard it! The entire world has heard it! Keep going!”

“Jesus,” you laugh, shocked by her reaction. “He drove me back and we got a little deep, I gave him my number before I left. I think we kind of had a moment though, he looked like he wanted to kiss me for a second.”

You pull your knees to your chest and rest your chin on them, thinking back to that moment.

“Holy shit, Y/N,” Laura sighs, falling back dramatically on her pillow.

“I know. I feel kind of weird though, he seems very closed in. I mean, I get it, I saw that he has quite a bit of fame, but I don’t want to have to pry him open, y’know?”

“I mean, yeah, but he’s really fucking famous. His fans are some of the most die-hard people out there. And there’s a hell of a lot of people who would do unspeakable things to be in your position. Myself included,” she mumbles at the end, and you swat her with a pillow.

“Gah,” you moan, lying down next to her. “I don’t know how to navigate my way around that kind of fame. What if he sees that, or still thinks that I’m lying about not knowing who he is? That’d be a bit egotistical, though, so maybe I’d be dodging a bullet.”

“Nope! You are not missing out on an opportunity to fuck Harry Styles.”

You laugh, scrunching your nose.

“I don’t want to think of him like that. Just Harry, the dude who I’ve been relentlessly teasing all night.” You turn onto your stomach suddenly.

“Shit. What if I was being too much?”

You groan again, pushing your face in her pillow.

“Than he’s dumb for not realizing how funny you are.”

Your phone pings suddenly, and you grab it from your back pocket, not recognizing the number on your home screen.

“Shit, he just texted me.” You shout, standing up onto the ground while you read the message aloud.

Hey, Y/N, it’s Harry. Hope you’re enjoying the rest of your night, I just wanted to give you my number and thank you again. Tonight was probably the most fun I’ve had in a while, if I’m being honest, and I was wondering if you wanted to do lunch tomorrow?

“Oh, fuck ME, he just asked me out to lunch.” Your hand goes up to your mouth as you look wide-eyed at Laura, who’s expression matches yours.

“Bitch, say yes!”

“Okay!” you yell back, pacing back and forth.

hey harry ! i’m glad you had fun tonight, i was worried i might’ve scared you off haha. i’d love to do lunch, what time were you thinking ?

“Does that sound okay?” You hand your phone off to Laura, getting her stamp of approval before sending it.

“Ah! Okay, shit fuck, it’s sent.” You throw your phone onto her bed and lean against her door, waiting for his reply.

Your phone lights up not even two minutes later, a text from Harry reading,

Haha, definitely didn’t scare me off. If anything, the opposite. How does noon sound? I can pick you up if you’d like?

“A gentleman,” Laura sighs, fanning herself as you read it together.

“Shut up,” you mumble, blushing slightly as you type back,

well, good, i’m glad :). noon works great, here’s my address. sleep well, harry.

I’ll be counting down the minutes. Goodnight, love.

You scream as you read his last text, shoving your face in your hands.

“Oh my god, okay, Y/N, take a chill pill,” you tell yourself, taking a deep breath in. “Ugh, why am I getting so worked up over a guy?”

“Because he’s funny, cute, talented, and rich, bitch.”

You give Laura a look and she laughs,

“Okay, money, fame, and any prior knowledge I have aside, he seems like a great dude. And if he’s not, well, my dreams will be absolutely crushed.” She shrugs, going back to scrolling through Instagram.

“Oh, wow, thanks.” You roll your eyes, standing up. “I’m gonna make some tea, you want any?”

“I’m good, thanks though.”

You nod and shut her door behind you, going into the kitchen to turn the kettle on.

Hopping up on the counter while you wait, you decide to do a little bit of Instagram stalking, just to see what he posts.

You click on his most recent one, smiling at his caption.

“Kissy,” you mutter, shaking your head lightly.

Scrolling through a few more of his photos, you bite your lip at his outfits, incredibly jealous of his stylist. His feed is better than yours, if you’re being honest, and you smile at the thought of him making sure all the black bars line up.

Hearing the whistle of the kettle, you hop off the counter and pour yourself a cup of chamomile. Closing out the app, you take your mug into your room, turning on your lights that make your room look like you’re floating in the galaxy.

Placing it on your nightstand, you get yourself ready for bed, spending a little extra time washing your face and doing your skin care routine.

You slide into bed and open up your latest book find of the week, this one being Misery by Steven King.

You find your eyes drooping after a while and set your things on your nightstand, snuggling deeper into your blankets.

With a smile on your face, you drift off to sleep, excited for tomorrow.

[calumcest]

masterlist

ok firstly please bear in mind most of these fics were written in 2014/15 when i was 16 so please do not judge their quality too harshly

-

ao3

[there are some fics on there that i haven’t put here, mainly chaptered fics but some others too]

-

drabbles (malum, lashton, cashton, mashton)

-

lashton

i can count on the sun to shine

It’s not been the easiest of days, but it’s not been the roughest either, so Ashton’s half-surprised when Luke crawls into his lap and curls up in it, looping his arms around Ashton’s neck and nosing into Ashton’s neck, breath warm and even against Ashton’s skin.

my beating heart belongs to you

“God, you’re all sweaty,” Michael adds, and Ashton snorts because that is fucking rich coming from the guy whose sweat has disintegrated two shirts so far this tour. “That’s how Luke likes me,” Ashton fires back, and Calum pulls a face whilst Michael laughs. “What’s how I like you?” Luke asks, coming up behind Ashton and wrapping his arms around him, resting his chin on Ashton’s head.

young and in love (that should be enough)

“Ashton.” Luke draws out the second syllable, pouting to add effect to his words. “Lukey,” Ashton says, stringing out the second syllable too in a softly mocking manner. “What do you want?” “A cuddle,” Luke announces, “from my favourite boyfriend.”

say you’ll never change

@Luke5SOS: It feels like we’re ready to crack these days you & I

it feels like we’re ready to crack these days, you & i [extended version of above fic]

It’s not really that pathetic that Ashton’s got tweet and text notifications on for Luke. Not really.

we gamble with desire

“Guys,” Michael says, making his way into the back lounge. “Have you heard of fanfiction?”

rules of the band

In retrospect, it’s kind of Ashton’s fault that it all starts. He’d eaten the last of the Vegemite, something he knows Michael and Calum feel very strongly about, and it had resulted in a sheet of paper pinned to the fridge by a frog magnet that had ‘Rules of the Band’ scrawled in Calum’s handwriting at the top. Rules of the Band

      NOBODY WILL EAT THE LAST OF THE VEGEMITE!!!

soulmates

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

my friends are a different breed

“What’s happening?” Calum says, walking out into the living room. “Luke and Ashton weren’t kissing,” Michael informs him. Calum nods. “We weren’t,” Ashton says in what he hopes is a believable tone.

i’ve got a lot of friends who are stars

The city’s fucking beautiful at night.

dreams only last for a night

Luke prefers it when Ashton’s asleep.

happy father’s day dad :-)

@Calum5SOS: @Ashton5SOS happy Father’s Day dad :-)

my friends are everything

CH: Who’s eaten the last of the fucking vegemite

AI: wtf that was like rule number 1

my new comfort zone

It’s when it starts getting to the tense, anticipatory bit of the film where the gang of actual idiots are about to enter the house which Luke’s ninety-nine percent sure has a murderer in it, that’s when Luke whimpers and turns away from the screen, burying his face in the crook of Ashton’s neck.

as the night gets older of you i grow fonder

Luke’s eight when Ashton moves in next door. (based on the video for you belong with me)

coffee shop soundtrack

“Mind if I sit here?” the guy asks, and there’s a kind of apologetic hint to his tone. “Everywhere else is full.” Full? The coffee shop's never full- Oh. Apart from today, apparently. Every single seat is taken. “Oh, Luke says. “Uh. Sure.“

taking the long way home

“May we have your attention for flight BA8227,” the tinny voice of the announcement says, and Ashton’s stomach sinks. They never announce anything he wants to hear; there’s never any we’ve upgraded hardworking and broke session drummer Ashton Irwin to first class, he’s also been given unlimited air miles and a refund on his overpriced tuna melt. “We are sorry to announce that this flight is delayed by approximately seven hours. This is due to unforeseen adverse weather conditions. I repeat-”

if these walls could talk (they’ve seen way too many things)

The announcement comes late, at eight p.m., interrupting radio and TV broadcasts and flashing up on phone screens. Due to the current pandemic, the state is now on mandatory lockdown for three weeks. All citizens have until midnight to return to their places of residence. Those outside after midnight will be subject to severe penalties. Further information to follow. “You have to leave,” Ashton says. “You have to go.” Luke blinks. “They’re locking down the state.”

as he faced the sun he cast no shadow

Ashton doesn’t really realise he’s fallen out of love until it’s happened. 

you and i were fireworks that went off too soon (soulmate au)

chapter one ~ chapter two ~ chapter three ~ chapter four ~ chapter five ~ chapter six ~ chapter seven

The tattoos appear one Wednesday night. What’s yours?” Michael demands, sounding beside himself with excitement. Luke frowns. “What’s my what?” “Your tattoo.”

fight so dirty but your love’s so sweet

Luke hates a good ninety-five percent of his job. A solid thirty percent of that comes from the fact that he works as a receptionist at a hotel, which he thinks is possibly the most thankless job humanity could possibly have created. A further ten comes from the fact that his desk is right next to the kitchen, meaning mouth-watering smells are constantly wafting under his nose, and Luke’s not allowed to eat on shift. Fifty-five percent of it, though, is Ashton.  

there’s no time for running away now

It’s three a.m., and Ashton’s awake. On the surface, that might not appear to be a problem. And ordinarily, it wouldn’t be - ordinarily, Ashton would either roll over groggily, will sleep to come with every fibre of his being and maybe a quick prayer or two, or read something mind-numbingly boring like his urgent work emails to send him back to sleep. This, however, isn’t the most ordinary situation. Ashton is awake because of Luke.

-------

malum

make me a promise here tonight

“Calum,” Michael says, walking into the bunk area and stopping in front of Calum’s bunk. “Cal.” “What?” Calum asks, not looking up from his phone. “I think we should get married.”

we know this is the way it’s supposed to be

Calum’s always the first person Michael rings in an emergency. Like right now, for example. Right now’s an emergency. “What the fuck do you want, Clifford?” Calum groans, voice tinny through the shitty phone line, but he’s picked up after the first ring so Michael knows he doesn’t mean it. “I need help,” Michael says, trying to stop the phone from slipping down his chest from where it’s pressed between his shoulder and his ear. “Green, blue, or black?“

the first time i’ve seen love (and the last i’ll ever need)

“Tell me a story.” The words are whispered into the fabric of Calum’s shirt, and Calum’s arms tighten around Michael as he hums in response. It’s familiar, the situation, because it’s what Michael always asks for when he’s tired, scared, lonely, or just wants to hear Calum’s voice.

it should be criminal that you could be mine

He can’t help but get a little jealous when Ashton and Luke start properly dating, though. He can’t help but get jealous of the way Ashton’s always taking Luke out for dinner, always holding his hand, always buying him presents, always making these romantic gestures that Michael’s never had from Calum. (or calum’s version of a dinner date)

it always will be you (wherever you are)

It started off as something kind of unnecessary. Calum already had a Twitter account, and he wasn’t someone who was afraid to speak his mind. If he had something to say, he’d say it on his public account. He’d only made the account for when he was in a bit of a shitty mood and wanted to vent or when he had an inappropriate joke that only Michael would find funny.

falling asleep on a stranger

As it is, his bus is running late today and Calum had run all the way to the bus stop from his house (a good two minutes of exercise, at least, which means he’s breathless and almost breaking a sweat by the time he reaches the bus stop) because he’d thought he was late. When he realises, however, that he could have had an extra ten minutes and actually eaten some breakfast, he groans, lets his eyes flutter shut and mutters “fuck me.” “Excuse me?” a surprised voice says, and Calum opens his eyes so fast he thinks he might have accidentally blinded himself. Standing to his left, an amused look on his face, is a boy with fluffy-looking blue hair (blue).

this could be the start of something new

He pushes past throngs of tired-looking businessmen to get into the last carriage, looking around for some seats. He’s not the only one who’s had that idea, clearly, as the last carriage is nigh-on full and Calum has the choice of two seats - one next to a balding man who’s eating what looks to be a tuna sandwich (Calum balks at the very idea) and a tattooed-up-to-hell punk kid with a shock of light pink hair in a suit, jacket on his lap. Calum goes for the latter.

you’re already the voice inside my head

“Michael didn’t say anything, mate,” Luke says, confused. “Yes, he did,” Calum says, exasperated. “I…no, I didn’t,” Michael says slowly. “What the fuck, Mike?” Calum says, perplexed. “I didn’t say it, Cal…I thought it.”

i want to teach you a lesson (in the worst kind of way)

“Who’s that, sir?” Lily asks, jabbing at the window. “The new PE teacher,” Michael says. “He’s cute,” Sarah says, and a couple of the girls nod vigorously. “He’s also twice your age,” Michael says. “Go on, off to your practice rooms.” The girls groan, but one by one pull themselves away from the window and start to wander off. Michael stays by the window, one eye on the girls to make sure they actually go where they’re supposed to and one eye on the new PE teacher, who’s dividing the class up into groups and handing out footballs. He is kind of hot, Michael supposes, if you’re into muscular guys who are clearly good at sports. Which Michael most definitely is.

dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit)

“You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls. “Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.” “Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

only you (and you can hear me) 

“Uh,” Calum says, looking out into the crowd, and Michael follows his gaze, trying to find what Calum’s staring at. “I’m going to go to the teepee with Heather.” Michael’s stomach sinks. “Really?” he asks, before he can stop himself, looking over at Calum. “Yeah,” Calum says, turning to look at Michael, and Michael whips back around before Calum can see the look of please don’t written all over his face. “Alright.” (tiny dancer scene from rocketman but happy)

i took a walk with my fame down memory lane (i never did find my way back)

chapter one ~ chapter two ~ chapter three ~ chapter four ~ chapter five ~ chapter six 

“Fucking shite,” Liam says, over the sound of the crowd’s growing murmurs. “Would’ve rather watched City fucking lose.” They all know he’s lying. Liam’d probably rather cut off his limbs one at a time than sit at home to watch City get thrashed. It reminds Calum where he is, though, as he takes a sip of his beer with slightly shaky hands. He’s in fucking Manchester, in a dingy bar with two of the biggest pricks he’s ever met in his life, watching shitty bands play mediocre songs to avoid having to watch his football team get massacred by Everton. It grounds him, shakes him out of it, makes him remember that he’s here, in England, not in Sydney, and he’s twenty, not seventeen. That was then, and this is now. But for a moment - just for a few seconds - he could have sworn that then and now were the same thing. Just for one moment, he could have sworn he’d seen Michael Clifford. - or: calum's in oasis and michael's in blur and it's the height of the 1990s britpop war

couldn’t make it more obvious could you (be any more obvious?)

“D’you think he was being serious?” he asks Ashton, who’s already engrossed in his phone again. “Hm?” Ashton says, without looking up. “‘Bout what?” “Jack.” That makes Ashton look up, brow furrowed. “What about him?” Calum hesitates. “Y’know,” he says, a little uncomfortably. Ashton cocks his head, raising his eyebrows in an I don’t know sort of way. “About them. Sleeping together.” “Oh,” Ashton says, shrugs, and turns back to his phone. “Yeah, obviously.”

love would burn this city down for you 

There’s something so comforting about the city. Calum remembers the first time he’d got it, that rush of everything and nothing and beauty and reverence as he’d stared out at the brightly-lit scene before him, overwhelmed and trying his best to drink it all in. Fuck me, he’d thought, a delicious numbness licking at his nerves. I’m fucking irrelevant. (It was the first time he’d ever known peace.)

——-

cashton

‘cause all of the stars are fading away (just try not to worry you’ll see them someday)

Growing up isn’t easy. Nobody ever told him it would be. You’ll get hurt, his mum would say, eyes big and sad, and he’d shrug and say that’s life, not really understanding what she meant because he was yet to spend three nights in a row staring up at his ceiling, drunk and high and so miserable it somehow felt like everything and nothing at the same time. It’ll be difficult, his manager had warned, when they got their first tour with One Direction, and Ashton had shrugged and said isn’t everything?, not realising that what ‘difficult’ meant was sacrifice; his sleep, his home, his self, everything torn out at the roots and tossed aside for him to gather back into his arms again. The hardest part of growing up, though, isn’t when things happen to him, when someone breaks up with him or wakes him up two hours after he’s gone to bed or puts him on another plane six hours after he’s just got off one. The hardest part of growing up is when he looks around him and realises I’m not happy.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Sick Day || Will Byers x Reader

Requested: "how about a will x reader where poor reader is sick so the boys decide to visit her and she’s acting really affectionate hugging will complimenting him trying to kid his cute cheeks even saying how much she likes him and coming back to school so embarrassed by that and scared of confronting the boys"

Pairings: Will Byers x Reader [you two are some shy adorable little babies]

The egg timer that you had set went off with a shrill ring. Cringing, you sat yourself up, and reached over turning it off. You had set the timer as a reminder to take the horrific cold medicine and now it was time to take another spoonful. It was disgusting and it make you gag. But you had been recovering quickly so it meant it was working.

Your face was scrunched up in disgust as you poured the gross goopy liquid out into the spoon, and set the bottle aside.

You sharply exhaled, bracing yourself for the foul taste and closed your eyes. It was even more disgusting than the last time and you felt an involuntary shiver run up your spine. Fortunately, you remembered to set aside your favorite juice to wash it down with, learning from your mistake of taking a swig of water.

Setting aside the medicine and setting the timer for your next dose, you slid yourself under the blankets once more. Nestling yourself up in the caccoon of blankets and pillows you had made for yourself on the couch. After all, you had the house to yourself for the day and you figured it didn't hurt to have some entertainment so the TV was on, the remote next to you.

The cold medicine shortly began taking effect. You could feel your eyelids grow heavy, and the next thing you knew you were being pulled from sleep by a loud thud, followed by a string of hushed whispers.

This of course concerned you, given nobody was supposed to be home until eight PM, but felt relief wash over you when you recognized one of the voices to be Dustin's who was cursing under his breath.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Dammit. Motherfuc-"

"Dustin!" Will hissed under his breath. "Shut up! She's sleeping."

"I'm trying to" you slurred.

Great. You forgot how drowsy and loopy you got on this stuff. It was was easy to forget since you had been home alone while on it. With nobody to interact with, it was harder to tell.

"Y/n. I'm sorry, we didn't mean to wake you." Will said quietly. "We just thought we'd swing by and see how you were doing. We even brought your stuff from school. I took notes for you, so,"

"Really?" You asked, now on your side facing Will, Dustin, Lucas, Max and Mike. "Tha- Thas'sweet, thanks" you cooed, your brain foggy from sleep and cold medicine.

Will chuckled weakly, a genuine smile on his face. "No problem."

Dustin, who was still hopping on one foot, grasping his other was taking sharp breaths.

"Dude, what is your problem?" Lucas asked.

"I stubbed my fucking toe!" He exclaimed.

Max chuckled and Lucas rolled his eyes.

"There'ssome ice in the freezer," you slurred.

"Thanks," Dustin said, hobbling off to freezer in the kitchen.

"Have a seat" you mumbled, and the party looked at one another and shrugged, finding seats scattered across the living room.

Will ended up taking a seat near you, in case you needed anything. Something you appreciated.

"I missed you guys," you pouted, and sniffled, a combination of the cold and your emotions. "So much,"

They gave each other a confused look and looked back at you.

"Man, she's really out of it, huh?" Mike said.

"No kidding," Max said.

"Give her a break, she's been out sick all week" Will said, looking at them.

You smiled tearfully at Will. "You're so nice!" You whined.

Will chuckled, knowing you weren't thinking clearly from the meds.

"Thanks, Y/n," he said kindly.

It was quiet for a short minute, nobody knowing what to say when Dustin came back into the living room with a small baggie of ice.

You giggled, smiling weakly and you called out enthusiastically your friend. "Dustybun!"

Dustin's frowned at the name given to him by his girlfriend, and everyone burst into laughter. "Not cool, Y/n,"

"I like her like this," Lucas said.

"I like you too, Lucas. You're cool." You mumbled, snuggling up to your pillow, thinking he gave you a compliment.

"You're pretty cool too, L/n" He chuckled.

At that moment, your stomach growled, loud enough for everyone to hear, and you frowned.

"Do you want me go get you some food?" Will offered.

Your eyes closed, you sighed contently. "Yes pleeaase," you drawled.

Will got up and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Could he be any more obvious?" Dustin whispered.

Mike elbowed Dustin, shushing him.

"What? Like she'll remember this." Dustin argued.

You had been zoning out and suddenly you burst into a fit of giggles. The others looked at you skeptically but you were in your own little world.

Mike shrugged. "That's fair,"

At that moment, Will returned with a small snack and a glass of water. He walked over to where you were sitting and set the glass of water down on the side table and handed you the food.

"Here you go Y/n"

You looked up at him, he was looking at you kindly, waiting for you to take the food.

You were focused on his face. More specifically his, nose. You slowly reached up and touched his nose. "Boop."

He gave you an amused look, and chuckled nervously.

"Um, do you not want eat right now?" He asked awkwardly.

"No, I'm hungry." You stated confidently, and you struggled to sit up and get comfortable.

Noticing this, Will knelt down on his knees next to you on the couch and adjusted the pillow behind your back.

Your head felt heavy when you sat up, and you realized how sluggish your limbs felt.

You frowned. "My head is so much!" You exclaimed distressed.

"What?" He asked confused.

"You heard her, her head is so much!" Lucas laughed.

"Yeah!" You said.

"My head is heavy, duh!" You sent Will a look that said 'keep up, man' and looked at the others, Lucas in particular like 'can you believe this guy?'

Lucas, who was now thoroughly entertained, nodded along with you, encouraging you.

"But it's okay," you patted Will's cheek. "It's a good thing you're cute."

Will turned pink, and looked to others for help, but they only grinned back at him, eyes widened slightly, obviously happy with where this was going.

"Um, thanks?"

"You're welcome," you cooed. "You're so nice, and cute, an-and nice!"

"Thanks," he chuckled weakly.

"Tha-that's why I like you so much, silly!" You said matter-of-factly.

Max who had already found out about your crush on the boy, bit back a laugh, feeling bad for you, but also reveling in the fact that this was happening.

Everyone else was just as shocked, no more so than Will though of course.

"Um, I- uh," He stuttered, his face now scarlet. "Why don't you just eat a couple bites, and uh, we'll let you sleep some more. We've kept you up long enough. Besides, you need the rest."

You pouted. "But I don't want you to go."

"Yeah but you need your sleep. This cold really did a number on you,"

"Ugh!" You exclaimed suddenly, startling the group, and you gestured lazily to the bottle of cold syrup. "I hate that stuff! It's nasty and it made my brain tired,"

You didn't know how else to phrase it, your entire brain felt sluggish and you were barely making sense of this conversation.

A look of disappointment flashed across Will's face as he looked at the bottle. It disappeared quickly and he looked back at you.

"Yeah, which is why you need rest. That stuff is super strong,"

"It super sucks," you retorted, giggling at your joke.

"Yeah, it super sucks." He chuckled, looking at you fondly.

Will stood up and the others followed suit. "Alright, is there anything else you need before we go?"

You blinked rapidly, your brain still catching up. "There is one thing?"

"Yeah?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to continue.

"A hug goodbye?" You asked, looking up at him innocently, your eyes still droopy.

He seemed taken aback, but complied leaning down to hug you.

Arms outstretched you engulfed him in a hug and as he pulled away you took the opportunity to kiss his cheek, making a small 'muah' sound that the others noticed.

He jumped slightly, and stood up quickly. Looking at you with wide eyes as he lightly touched his bright red cheek where your lips just were.

You giggled mischievously. "Now you're gonna get my germs"

+++

It was Monday morning, and you were finally back at school. You were bummed that you didn't get to stay at home all day but you were relieved you didn't have to deal with that shitty cold that made you miserable.

Plus you would get to see your friends. You barely remember them coming to visit you, and just like that bits and pieces came flowing back. Your face suddenly went pale.

You told Will you liked him. You told your crush you liked him and doted all over him in front of everyone.

Yeah, no, you couldn't show your face to them ever again. You had to get new friends. Sure it would suck, making new friends was a chore and it would suck never seeing them again but that was the price you had to pay. It just couldn't be helped.

Too bad.

"Y/n!"

And now it was time to leave the country.

Cringing to yourself, you sharply exhaled and tried to physically relax.

"Hey, Will."

"Hi Y/n," He said shyly, shuffling on his feet.

"What's up?" You prayed he didn't bring it up.

"I just, I wanted to see how you were feeling. You seemed, pretty out of it."

You sighed, looking anywhere but him. You stomach had a flurry of butterflies.

"Listen, I'm really sorry. I understand if you want some space for a while."

"Y/n it's fine."

"No, it's not."

"It's forgotten. Look, I know you were on some pretty heavy stuff so, it's fine, really. So you kissed me, who cares?" He shrugged.

You eyes nearly popped out of your head and you grew nauseous.

"I what?!"

Will faltered, somehow going pale and turning pink.

"Yo-You kissed me. Don't worry though, it was just on the cheek. It's fine, really."

You backed up slightly, and turned to face the wall of lockers and buried your face in it. You wanted nothing more than the floor to swallow you whole.

Sure you were relieved to hear you didn't actually kiss him but hell, this was still ridiculously mortifying.

"Oh God," you groaned.

"Y/n," his voice was soft and for the forgiving but you hated the pity.

You only groaned louder and shook your head no hoping that would do something to ease the embarrassment.

"I can't imagine what you must think of me." You sighed, prying yourself off the lockers, but you still refuses to meet his eye.

"Well," he said, fiddling with his hands and looking down at his feet. "I thought- I thought it was kinda sweet."

Your mouth ran dry and you looked at him for the first time and ripping your gaze away from your shoes.

"W-What?"

Will smile shyly, and looked around a bit before looking back at you. He took a deep breath and spoke, the words spilling out of his mouth quickly. 

"What I'm trying to say is, I like you too Y/n."

Your heart started pounding, harder than it had been before if at all possible and a nervous but happy smile tugged at your lips.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do." He smiled sheepishly and nodded his head. "In fact, everyone has kinda been teasing me about it for some time now," he laughed and you giggled along not believing this was happening.

Your eyes met and there was a silent but mutual understanding. He held out his hand, and looked to you fondly. The same look he had in his eyes when he saw you on Friday. A look he only gave you.

"Want to head to class together?"

You looked down at his outstretched hand and you took it, smiling brightly at him, finding it endearing how shy and sweet he was.

"I'd love to,"

A look of relief washed over Will and he beamed at you. Suddenly, his face scrunched up ever so slightly and you frowned. He brought his other arm up and sneezed into his elbow.

He looked back and you laughed. "Well, I guess you were right."

"What?"

"You did give me your germs." 

The words you had said to him days ago came back to you and you instantly felt guilty.

"Oh Will, I'm sorry!"

He began laughing and you couldn't stop the giggles that arose from your chest, finding the situation humorous. You were also just so relieved at how things smoothed over.

Will caught his breath and smiled genuinely. "It's okay. It's a good thing you're cute." 

You were taken by surprise at his boldness, but then you realized just what he had said. Having thrown your own words back at you from your drunken-like state and you laughed, running your free hand down your face.

"Oh God, let's just get to class" you giggled.

The pair of you started walking when he looked up at you. 

"In all seriousness, even if I do get your cold," He shrugged, smirking. "It was worth it."

The flurry of butterflies in your stomach doubled in numbers, and your heart fluttered.

It was now your turn to be a blushing pink mess.

[jovialyouthmusic]

Girls’ Night Out

A multiple AU piece of fun featuring my female LIs

The girl’s night out takes an unexpected turn, and the author has to step in

Word Count 1709

A/N Just one more chapter after this virtual romp. Partial nudity, some swearing and still NOT SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18S

6 Help...

‘Well crap’ said Lucy as Lizzy went limp and crumpled. John rushed forward to catch her ‘What now? I didn’t think she’d react that badly’

‘The plan was for us to change everything to our timeline’ John said. The three women gaped at him as the music stopped. His expression changed as he realised he’d given the game away.

‘Hold on a minute – this was planned?’ asked Sophia, sobering up swiftly. Her head whipped around to the stage, where ‘Snake’, ‘Glad’, ‘Brake’ and ‘Sebastien’ stood sheepishly in their strippers garb. ‘Bas, is that really you and not another version?’ She demanded. He cleared his throat.

‘Now Sophia…’ he started, but she stormed up to him and poked him in the chest. Defensively he placed his hat over his genitals.

‘So you couldn’t leave us to enjoy ourselves – you had to stay in control’ she hissed. Behind her, Lucy suddenly laughed

‘But Soph – look at them!’ she crowed ‘They stripped for us, for fuck’s sake. They’re way out of their comfort zone. I think that shows real dedication’ Sophia stood back and looked Bastien up and down. He did indeed look extremely uncomfortable.

‘Humph’ she retorted ‘Well sadly the game’s up now. What have you got to say for yourself?’ Bastien spoke, regaining some of his composure.

‘Sophia, my goddess’ he started ‘Tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself. You said – no, screamed - and I quote, Come here lover boy, I’m your gal.’ He folded his arms and gazed at her. It was Sophia’s turn to look sheepish.

‘Well okay, I have to admit you did a good job’ she admitted ‘I never thought you’d be comfortable doing something like that’

‘You know I put my best into whatever I do’ he said, his tone soothing. ‘Les helped – we watched some videos…’ at this, Lucy snorted

‘Wow, I’d like to have been a fly on the wall for that scenario’ she guffawed. Now it was Charlotte’s turn to speak. She glared at her Drake

‘How could you?’ she growled ‘You put me up on stage for everyone to see’ He hung his head in shame, hat covering his groin.

‘I’m sorry Charlie’ he said ‘Was it really that bad?’ He looked at her hopefully, and Lucy nudged her

‘Come on Lottie, it was pretty damn funny’ she prompted. Charlotte sighed heavily ‘and look at him’ Lucy went on ‘He’s almost as hot as my Drake. Tell me you didn’t enjoy it just a tiny little bit?’ Charlotte shrugged in defeat.

‘Very well, it was rather - stimulating’ she replied, then rounded on her man ‘But don’t you ever pull something like that in public again’ Drake nodded, and John was next to speak

‘Lizzy’s coming round – I’m going to take her somewhere more familiar if you don’t mind. It was a pleasure meeting you all’ and in the blink of an eye they were gone.

------

Slowly Elizabeth’s senses came back to her. She lay on her back on some padded surface, head propped up on a firm pillow. It was quieter, and the flashing lights had stopped. The soothing strains of a string quartet filled the air along with a soft murmur of voices.

‘Lizzy – it’s okay, you’re safe, my darling’ she heard her fiancé say, and slowly she opened her eyes. ‘Take it slowly, don’t try to speak just yet’ Above her she saw the vaulted ceiling of the assembly rooms, and to the side was a finely painted screen. She lay on a chaise longue, hidden from the sight of the others she could hear on the other side. She raised her head a little to look down and confirm what she knew - she wore her ballgown and satin slippers, not the skin tight transparent leggings and short dress that her companions had chosen for her.

Beside John stood Morag, gazing at her with concern. She passed her hand over her forehead and handed her a glass of water which she sipped gratefully, sitting up carefully.

‘You gave us quite a turn, young lady, passing out while you talked with your beau’ she scolded ‘I know you’re excited about the wedding but you really should eat properly, or you’ll faint at the altar.’

‘I’m sorry Morag’ she said ‘I promise I’ll remember to have breakfast tomorrow’ John stood by her side and placed his hand on her wrist. She smiled up at him.

‘I had the strangest dream’ Lizzy started, and John smiled, leaning forward and speaking softly so Morag could not hear.

‘Are you sure it was a dream?’ he winked, opening his closed hand to reveal a bow tie. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her. ‘Only you and I know’ he whispered. Morag tutted

‘Now then, you know I cannot leave you two alone. Stop your whispering now’

‘Morag, we will be married tomorrow. Can you not allow us five minutes together? I promise we will do nothing improper’ Lizzy entreated her chaperone ‘I only want to talk privately with John’ Morag crossed her arms and harrumphed

‘Very well Miss Elizabeth, but don’t make me regret my decision. You always were headstrong’ She went and stood a few feet away, still in sight but out of earshot as long as they spoke quietly.

‘What happened?’ Lizzy whispered ‘You appeared in your uniform – were you going to take me up on stage for all to see?’

‘I would not have held you up for scrutiny my dearest, never fear’ he assured her ‘The plan was for all to change and for us to be here together. I was going to dance with you as is appropriate for our time’

‘Were the others to follow?’ she asked

‘You wanted time alone with me’ he said ‘But somehow when you fainted and I brought you here, Morag appeared to look after you’

‘I didn’t get to say goodbye or thank them for looking after me’ Lizzy said ‘Will we see them again?’

‘I cannot say for sure’ he replied ‘I hope so’

‘Can we still dance?’ she asked ‘What about your injury?’ He smiled

‘It seems in this place in between worlds, all is possible’ he said ‘The only obstacle is Morag. How she came to be here I know not’ Lizzy sighed

‘If we knew how to contact our author, perhaps she could help’

------

I sat at my screen, scratching my head. My characters had really kept me guessing. First a request for a mock up of Edinburgh, complete with bars and clubs, then for videos of male strippers performing, now one for research on dances popular in the Regency era. I hadn’t really put two and two together, as due to the health crisis in my own world, although I had time on my hands, I hadn’t felt that writing was much of a priority. I sighed and closed down my document to find ‘my’ Bastien waiting.

‘Hey Bas, what on earth is going on?’ I asked warily.

‘You’d better come over and find out’ He smiled. Wearily I put my hand to the screen and felt the tug that took me through to the virtual world. We stood in one of the waiting rooms, sterile and white, and he was there, supporting me with a hand to my waist. He leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek. I rubbed it, feeling the blood rise to my face.

‘Thanks Bas – I’m sorry I haven’t been on much. There’s – a lot going on lately and I haven’t felt up to it’ He held my hand and squeezed it

‘I’m sorry to hear it, but it’s good to see you. Your characters have been – well, things got slightly out of hand’ I placed my palm over my face.

‘Yes’ I sighed ‘There were some odd requests. Tell me the worst’

‘Well, somehow the pairing from your Regency period became self aware…’

‘That’s odd, the readership is pretty low, and it’s not been going long’ Bastien shrugged

‘Well there’s a lot of spare energy sloshing around so things have been a bit crazy’ I made a gesture for him to continue. ‘So your regency heroine was first – and Lucy, Charlotte and Sophia took her under their wings. Did you not see her when you helped them make that mock up of Edinburgh?’

‘Oh dear, either I wasn’t paying attention, or they deliberately hid her’ I conceded. ‘I just thought they wanted a bit of fun’

‘Well that ‘bit of fun’ was a hen night for Elizabeth’

‘Oh my goodness, I wrote her wedding night but it’s going to have to be redrafted, and there’s a few chapters to go before we get there’

‘Well I think she got a bit restless, then their partners got wind of it. My counterpart was not happy for Sophia to be out on the town without backup’ I snorted with laughter

‘I specifically wrote her as being able to cope for herself’ I scoffed.

‘You also wrote her Bastien as being very good at his job’ he pointed out ‘His background of chasing Leo round the nightclubs and dives in Europe made him a bit antsy’

‘Hmmm, I didn’t specifically write – oh hold on, there was the storyline with him meeting Damien in New York when he was following Leo’  Bastien nodded

‘Exactly. Well, anyway they ended up in a club, and the men gatecrashed as strippers’

‘They what now?’ I gasped ‘Oh heck, now the requests for the videos of Magic Mike make sense. Go on, what happened then?’

‘Elizabeth was – kind of overwhelmed’

‘Ohhh dear, poor lamb’

‘It’s okay, she fainted when her John arrived’

‘John is self aware too?’

‘Uh huh. Anyway, the plan was to spirit her away to the Assembly rooms in regency time so they could have a little time alone before the wedding’

‘And did that happen?’

‘After a fashion. Apparently their chaperone turned up and they’re stuck with her’

‘And that’s why you called me?’

‘That, and it was a good opportunity to reconnect’ I sighed

‘Okay, we’d better go and sort things out. I’m going to start by rounding them up at the club - ready?’ I took his hand.

‘Ready’ he grinned.

[mxtantrights]

˚ · · . · ✵ ✷PART TWENTY-EIGHT

word count: 2.7k!

Warnings: jessie gets high but it’s not detailed, just the after part. ALSO FLUFF 

HAWKINS, INDIANA

DECEMBER 26, 1984

I watched as all the kids sat around the game table and exchanged gifts. It was the day after Christmas- friendsmas as I'm dubbing it- and we were all held up in Mike's basement. I know they wanted to see each other all on actual Christmas day but their schedules and families wouldn't allow it. So I called everyone up this morning and arranged this.

They all thanked me with a hug when I got here with Mickey and Dayton.

Speaking of which,

I find Dayton sitting on the couch fiddling with his hands. He's been back for about two weeks now and we haven't talked much about the elephant in the room.

I take a seat next to him and smooth down my skirt. "Why are you fiddling with your hands so awkwardly?"

He stops and looks to me. "I feel like I left you here and I let you down."

"You didn't. You did the best you could do for someone who was in a different time zone. Trust me." I clap his shoulder hard- like really hard, he hates it when I do that. And he winces. "You raised me right."

"Ha-ha."

Theres footsteps coming down the steps and quickly at the bottom is Steve. He waves to the both of us before saying his greetings to the kids. Dustin and him are up to some new handshake and I think if they don't find one soon we'll all be in trouble.

After that he finds his way on the couch next to me and my brother.

"I think we met last year at the fourth of July party. Steve right?" My brother asks Steve so un-smoothly. Did he really think I didn't know that he had Steve look over me while he was gone? He even holds his hand out for Steve to shake.

Steve awkwardly laughs. "Yeah Dayton she knows."

"What? She knows?!"

I try to stifle my laughter at his outburst.

"She used her abilities on me to make me tell the truth! What was I gonna do?" Steve argues his point.

It's true he couldn't have done anything about it.

Dayton only shakes his head in annoyance.

Lucas and Dustin come up to us on the couch with two bags in their hands. I looking between the two of them and their shit eating grins.

"If this has anything to do with milk I'm giving y'all both wedgies."

Dustin passes me a red bag. "It has nothing to do with you being milk girl."

Lucas gives Steve his bag as well.

I move around the fancy tissue paper and see jeans? I pull it out with my hands and I see that it's not pants but a jean jacket. And the back is painted on with some eye popping colors but the patches on the sleeves are what gets me.

One of them is the state of Texas. And next to it is a Hawkins patch. There are a few notable patches besides those. A lasso. One says Cherry bomb. And one with a brain on it.

I look up and it's not just Dustin and Lucas anymore. The rest of the gang is behind them now watching me.

I pull the jacket on and it fits loosely. It's the best kind of fit.

Looking over at Steve I see his gift. It's another jean jacket but his is different from mine. His has got no patches on it just the paint on the back. And I can't miss the big 'MOM' on the back.

"We wanted to thank you guys for everything you did for us." Mike- the kind asshole- Wheeler speaks up.

I get up from my seat and hod my arms out. "Hugs right now or so help me I will cry on every single one of you."

Max and Mickey are first in almost making me fall over. Then Dustin and Lucas, lastly Mike. I quickly place a kiss on the top of their heads, almost missing Mike because he pulls away slightly but I pull him back.

"Okay Jessie, give me my kids now."

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

My stomach grumbling was getting annoying. I needed to put food into my system before I combust. I just didn't feel like leaving Mike's couch. After sitting here while the boys play their precious D&D after a whole year, I'm growing attached.

I'm laid on the couch like a mad woman. My legs are leaning off the side arm, only one of my arms is slanged over the back of the couch. The other one is holding me up properly.

Steve comes down the steps. Hair flopping around like usual.

"Steve! Good you're here!" I say as he descends down the last steps.

"Hey!" He waves to me.

Then he's saying hi to the kids. I watch as he makes his rounds and then walks over to me and the couch. NO if he sits down then we're not leaving here. And I need food.

I bolt out of my seat. "I'm revolting I need food."

"Why don't you ask my mom for something?" Mike asks me.

I didn't want to trouble his mom. I also didn't want to have to interact with any adults. My mouth is a little crazy as Mickey and Dayton keep saying. I'm not good at holding back my opinions.

I shush Mike and look at Steve. "Please can I get food? Please? Pretty please? The D&D is making me want to eat the floor."

"Hey!" All the boys and Max say at once.

Steve chuckles and puts his hands on his hips. Oh no what does he want. He only does that when he wants something. What could he want from me? Wasn't being friends with me enough?

"I need your skilled handwriting for some envelopes." He puts rather simply.

Okay I can do that.

"Alright I'll do it," I grab his arm and start dragging him the way he came. "I just need food. Food. Steve my stomach is like boiling. I need food."

"Alright alright. I got you." Instead of letting me drag him up the steps he falls in line with me.

Always the gentleman, he opens the door and lets me out. I let go of his arm, and let him lead the way. He takes the both of us out the back and I see his red BMW. With a spur of energy I run to the passenger side and dive into the seat.

"Come on, faster pretty boy. I'm trying not to die of starvation here."

-

"Have you been getting any memories lately?"

I turn to look at Steve in the drivers seat. I had just finished a whole meal and now he wants me to talk? I need my post-meal nap pretty soon.

I guess I could just talk to him and wait until we get back.

"Not really, no. It's been radio silent up here." I knock on my head twice.

He can't help but laugh when I do. Maybe that will ease this conversation back to a more friendly topic. I don't want to think about all the bad things today. I was trying to just have a nice day. I could think about it tomorrow. Or the next day.

"I'm serious though. You'd tell me if you did?"

"Yeah." I shoot back.

We continue on the drive in a comfortable silence. It feels like it should be awkward but its not. We have some weird upside down bond now. We haven't seen it all but we've seen enough together.

It doesn't take long before I see Mike's house appear outside my window. Steve's quick to get out of the car but I'm not, I just ate! I need to take it slow don't wanna pull a stomach muscle or something.

I've got the itis.

Slowly I open my door and roll myself out of the car. As I do I know Steve is watching me struggle. He loves to do that sometimes I swear if he wasn't my friend I would yell at him, I swear it.

He's back at my side in an instant holding his arm out for me to lock with mine.

"Ah Steve, such a gentleman."

-

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

I try to smoothly make it to my desk in one piece without raising suspicion. I don't trip, or look anyone in the eye as I make it to the back where Steve is sitting. However I do see his floppy hair and I have to clamp my mouth shut to not giggle.

His hair!

How does he do it everyday?

How?

I sit down and put my notebook on the desk.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks.

I turn slowly to nod at him, I don't wanna do it to fast or he's gonna think something is up with me. I can't alert the troops. I can't alert anyone!

He studies my face, and then his face changes. Did he just figure it out? Did he just find out that quickly? Maybe he won't say anything.

"Are you high right now?" He whispers to me.

My head is nodding again even though I wanna deny it. I was about to deny it. But my head is faster than my mouth.

Ha!

I watch closely as Steve pulls my chair and then my desk close to his. My fingers start playing with the loose ends of my knitted sweater. I wonder how those little dangling threads happen. Why did they happen? I didn't cut my sweater.

I hear our english teacher clear her throat to get the class to settle. It's then that I roll my shoulders back and face the board with the straightest face I can make.

The class settles after a few moments pass and our teacher begins to write names on the board. I watch with confusion. Why was she writing down our names? Did she forget them?

Then she writes down my name. And Steve's.

I look at Steve.

"She was picking random students to read their essays today- Jess we are fucked." He whispers to me and the way he sounds is so funny I start laughing under my breath.

I pull my sweater over my mouth to try and hide it. My eyes are watering before I know it and I have to put my head down on the desk to hide my laughter.

"Ms.Glendall whats the matter?"

Then that makes me laugh even more. Holy shit I'm about to get caught! I'm about to get caught and I don't even have an excuse to give! I'm gonna get detention! Holy shit have I ever gotten detention since I've been here?

No I haven't. I would remember.

"Jessie's not feeling to well, can she read her essay another day?" Steve asks for me.

I can feel his hand come to pat my head like I'm some sort of dog- I'm laughing even harder now. My stomach is starting to hurt with how much I'm dying from this.

"Sure Mr. Harrington."

Steve peers in close to me, close enough to whisper in my ear. When I can feel his hot ass breath on my ear I stop laughing. "You owe me big time Jess."

Oh god how am I gonna make it to Lunch. Hopefully Jon doesn't mind skipping with me to get some food. I am not eating slop while under the influence.

-

I can't believe I'm this much a wuss. I mean I tasered a demo-dog for crying out loud. You'd think I've grown some macho in me.

But no.

Here I am with my envelopes for colleges. Ready to send.

And I'm holding them in my hands like they're about to fly away.

"Step away from the applications."

I swiftly turn around.

Steve's leaning against his car.

"You know I can just go right back upstairs and cancel our plans to hang out." I quip, already turning away.

It's not long, what with his long ass legs, before he has my arm in his grasp and he's stopping me. I turn around slowly to face him, ready for that stupid look on his face. He's gonna make fun of me. I know he is.

He sent out his early applications and I'm standing here, fiddling with my regular applications.

But he doesn't have a look on his face. He looks serious.

"Alright so do you want me to do them for you or do you want a pep talk so you can do it yourself?"

I look between him and my mailbox. A few times. Maybe it's actually more than a few because he snatches the envelopes from my hands and does it himself.

Instead of letting him get the final touch I do it myself. I raise the red flag on the box.

"Well ladies and gentlemen I think Jessica Glendall has finally finished with her applications! How about a round of applause for the girl!" He starts yelling. I try to cover his mouth but he's too tall. And he's fighting me off a bit.

"Cut it out you weirdo! I have neighbors!"

"Is that what the other houses are for? I thought it was decoration."

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

"Did you actually have a lasso back home?"

I stop eating and look at Jonathan. He's got a big smile on his face because he knows he's being a little shit. But he wouldn't come up with this on his own. I know this is Steve's doing.

"Steve put you up to this?" I ask him back.

He shakes his head but can't hide his laughter.

"Nah. I just heard it from Will, who heard it from Dustin, who was told by Steve." He explains to me.

"I don't care that we're the same age I will give you a wedgie you do know that right?" It's rhetorical as he puts his hands up in surrender.

"I'd love to see you give Steve a wedgie. Or put him in a lasso."

"Yeah I'd love to see it too."

-

I was cheering Steve on in the gym not too long ago. He's playing really hard right now so that the scouts can see him. I know that he feels like he has to overcompensate with sport because his grades are too hot.

But neither are mine. We're in the same boat here.

His car chirps and I look around for him. I was waiting for him on his car after all. I find him walking my way with his sport bag slung over his shoulder. They didn't win today but he did carry his team the whole way through. That's gotta count for something.

He doesn't say anything to me- no snide remark, no sass, not even a hello. All he does is get into his car and slam the door. Maybe he wants to be alone right now?

I hop off the hood of his car and he turns the engine on.

Maybe I should take the hint and leave.

I put my bag over both of my shoulders and start to turn my body away when I hear the horn honk. So I turn back.

The window is rolled down on my side.

"Aren't you coming?"

I open the door swiftly and get in. "You sure you don't want to be alone right now? I mean I can understand-"

"No I'll be fine. I just need to drive around for a little bit." He says to me and starts pulling out of the parking lot.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I offer

I remember the forth of July party and what he said. About College and parents. This was definitely a topic that he dreaded.

He pumps the breaks on the car when I say it. I almost jolt forward but he holds his arm out to brace me. It makes me let out a breath that's all I know. His arm retracts back to his side as he keeps his eyes on the wheel.

"My dad sucks. And my grades kind of suck. And he's riding my ass about college."

I carefully put my hand on his shoulder. "Look all you can do is your best Steve. At the end of the day it's all anyone can do. Your dad might not see it but it's you who needs to start seeing it. It's your life."

"Y-yeah."

"Plus all of the shit you did with those monsters from hell is pretty badass. You'd probably get a metal for it if it wasn't top secret."

He laughs. "Thanks Jessie."

"Of course Stevie."

"Jessica!"

"Stephen!"

[purplesurveys]

1051

Are you between the ages of 30 & 40? I still have to get through nearly another decade to get to that decade.

What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? My favorites were The Wild Thornberrys and Little Bill, both on Nickelodeon. My sister and I also enjoyed this wacky show called The Upside Down Show but it wasn’t a cartoon.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I liked any toy that had a lot of buttons or features within it - dollhouses, kitchen sets, cash registers, toy phones, anything that could make me test how much it could do.

In High School did you wear acid washed jeans? No. It’s not a style I would be drawn to, then and now.

How much was a gallon of gasoline when you first started driving? I don’t know; I never paid much attention to gas prices, honestly.

What was your first car? It’s a 2014 (or 2015?) Mitsubishi Mirage I’m still using today, though it was my dad who paid for it and he’s the one who takes it out for oil changes and stuff.

Who taught you how to drive? My dad taught me a few times around the neighborhood, but he also enrolled me for like three classes in a driving school so that I got to learn how to drive in a highway.

What was your high school mascot? Both of my schools didn’t have any. My university does have a nickname for our varsity teams, but we’re simply just ‘Maroons’ and not an animal like what I usually see.

Did you go to your Senior Prom? We had a junior prom, nothing for senior year. I was invited to go to the senior ball in another school by Mike, though. That feels like ages ago; everything is so different now.

What did you do after graduation? After my high school graduation I went straight to college like most kids here. After graduating college, I immediately started looking for jobs; I landed an internship after a month and got absorbed into the company two months after.

What was your first job? I’m currently working as an associate at a public relations agency. This is my first job and for now, I’m content in staying in this career. This is where I set out to be when I was in college and I don’t feel the need to change paths any time soon.

What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be an astronaut more than anything else, but I remember also wanting to be a firefighter or a vet.

Any posters on your bedroom walls growing up? I had a handful of wrestling posters that my mom was never a fan of. It was never her business since it’s my room, but she always made it the case.

Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? It may have been at Marielle’s debut, five Julys ago. She served beer at the afterparty of her 18th birthday party, and I think I had taken my first sip then.

Did you ever try cigarettes? Yeah, I started this year actually. I’m about to reach my first anniversary of trying my first cigarette :/ I don’t have a lot of them though and I haven’t smoked since like February or March, I think.

How did you spend your summers growing up? At home. My parents were always busy with work, so I had no choice but to myself occupied at home. Luckily I had siblings and cousins, so we were always playing with each other. My summers were never productive until I was in college, when I started making the effort to go out more.

If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? Ahh idk man I wish I wouldn’t have spent as much time by the computer as I did, and maybe hang out with friends or something instead. < Yeah this hits the bullseye pretty much. I was a very introverted teenager. Not to mention the internet and social media started to blow up during my tween/early teenage years, so I was hooked to my laptop and kept people away as a result. I didn’t start feeling like a teenager until I was 16, when I gained friends and got invited to more stuff.

Do you remember your first time? Yeah, it was during one of my 18th birthday celebrations and she was around.

Ever look back and wish some things were still the same? I do it a lot these days. I do try to stop, because I don’t know what I can gain out of doing so anymore, and because there’s always the danger of being left behind from looking back too much; but most days I can’t help it.

After high school - straight to college or straight to work? University, because you kinda need that credential where I live. It’s unfair, but it’s our reality.

How much did you make per hour at your first job? We don’t really calculate that here...I’ll try to do math for y’all lmao aka Google it, which says I make $2.34 an hour. Wow when you put it that way, it really does not sound high :/ I’m honestly okay with my pay though. I live with my parents so I contribute to the bills and stuff now, but even then there’s more than enough left for me. Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? My grandma’s kare-kare. It was/is always reserved for special occasions; and out of all her grandchildren I was also the one who got attached to the dish especially as I got older, so eventually kare-kare also became the family’s ‘Robyn is coming over so we better prepare this’ dish. I think I’m her only grandchild that she has an allotted dish for, so that makes me feel special :)

Favorite place to eat out growing up? The local Burger King, back when it had a play place for kids. 

Did your parents live in a different country before you were born?: No, they have always lived in the Philippines. My mom has always wanted to migrate but my dad shoots it down every time.

Do you have a preferred coffee brand?: When it comes to coffee, no. I wanna try out everything. But when it comes to coffee shop ambience, Starbucks all the way.

Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money?: No. I remember Gab as always being very cautious, responsible, and conscious about money. Her parents sustained her debit card and I’m pretty sure they always gave her a little bit extra, but she never took more than her weekly allowance from the ATM.

If so, how did it affect the relationship?: Money was never an issue, mostly because the money we received during the course of our relationship wasn’t even ours lol; we both received set allowances from our parents. If one of us was running out of cash, we never hesitated to cover for each other first, and we never pressured one another to pay back immediately.

How often do you paint your nails?: Never. 

Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader?: Yeah, I went to high school with a relative of Duterte. She’s super secretive about it, which is pretty understandable. I’m friends with/went to classes with people who are grandchildren of senators and other politicians as well.

Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional?: ...I have no idea how to do that...I always just assumed it’s already taken care of when a part of my salary is deducted lol. I may have to ask my parents about this, whoops.

What is something you don't have any natural talent for?: Anything to do with music. Reading it, playing it, singing, writing songs, etc. Also art and anything to do with creativity.

Did you watch this year's Eurovision?: Ah, my favorite time of the year to mute all my overseas mutuals on Twitter at one point lmao. No, I never caugtht up with it.

Have there been any periods in your life that could be described as being chaotic?: Senior year was a big chaotic war zone. The death of my grandpa and my first breakup coincided with all the crucial college entrance exams. Speaking of college, it was also a period of a lot of heavy decision-making due to me having to make choices of what course I wanted to take in every school I applied to. I barely cried during those few months and it still shocks me to this day how I did it. That was the most I’ve been on autopilot.

What is something you frequently forget?: Where I place my car keys and/or glasses last.

If I looked in your fridge right now, what would I find?: Bread, eggs, a bunch of condiments, butter cheese, vegetables, leftovers, and the grazing box I received from my workplace yesterday. I’m sure there’s more, but I haven’t really stopped and stared at our fridge for a while now.

How do you feel about your body?: I used to feel fairly confident about it; like it was never an issue with me. But truthfully, after being dumped, I’ve started to feel insecure over everything about me.

Who is someone you would like to get to know better?: My teammates at work, Bea and Ysa. They both seem like cool and funny people both in and out of work, and I’d love to get to hang out with them.

If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?: Idk, just somewhere with a lot of opportunities to try new things and meet new people.

Have you ever traveled on a double-decker train?: Nope. I’ve never been on anything double-decker, if I remember correctly.

What's your opinion on assisted suicide?: [trigger warning] I’ve looked into it, but it’s a dead end where I live. That’s all I’ll say, as I don’t want to give others ideas.

At what point do you consider a relationship to be 'long-term?': Fuck if I know anymore. We reached six years and it was a point where I was comfortable and didn’t feel the need to doubt anymore; everything turned out to be a lie in the end. I don’t know anymore. I don’t think about these things anymore.

What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up?: My dad has always been a chef, so he went through all the ranks throughout my childhood until he finally got an executive position when I was in high school. I remember my mom being a receptionist.

Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired?: My dad is still in that career path but he doesn’t cook in the kitchen anymore, or at least as much as he used to. He does all the menu planning, evaluating, etc. My mom has shifted to becoming an executive secretary, but she’s still in the hotel industry.

Do you own any winter sports equipment?: I don’t. There’s no reason for me to have any.

Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan?: Prepaid.

Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? I can definitely see my mom reacting, but I know she knows I won’t let her get away with saying anything mildly offensive. My dad would just go on with his life and will care more about the fact that I’m seeing someone, lol.

Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? No. Schedule it ahead and let me know. I’m not always mentally okay and them showing up as a surprise might just make me more stressed than grateful.

Where are the following people and what are they doing: mom, dad, sibling(s), best friend, significant other, ex, and last person you kissed? My entire family is under the same roof in their bedrooms, either sleeping or having just woken up. Angela is in Parañaque, probably at a cousin’s place; no significant other; I have no idea where my ex, and also the last person I kissed, is. She doesn’t really have anything to do with me anymore.

How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? They’re there. I’d still take a bullet for them if it comes down to it, the usual shit. Let’s move on.

What was the last thing someone else bought for you? My workplace gave me a grazing box as the company Christmas gift.

If your parents looked in your purse/book bag would they find anything you don’t want them to see? What about your bedroom? Do you have anything hidden in there? My vape pens. I came home from Starbucks last weekend and my mom thought my breath smelled like cigarettes and she almost got super pissed until I was able to convince her the only thing I put in my mouth was coffee, so I know my 22 year old, employed, self-earning ass would for sure still get in trouble if I was discovered to be vaping.

How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them? It was the first time I met them and they are also my bosses, so I can’t exactly be my complete self around them yet. I had to act super reserved and to essentially make a good impression first before I start whipping out my jokes or whatever.

If you decided to call your ex right now, do you think he/she would answer? How would the conversation go? No, she’d reject it and tell me to text instead. If she was feeling snappy she would also tell me I’m no longer in the place to contact her that way. Sigh. Who is she anymore and why is she so different from the person I was with?

Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? No.

Is music a daily part of your life? It’s not. Videos, more like.

Yellow nail polish: yes or no? Bright or neon yellow is a no, but I suppose more muted shades like mustard yellow can work for me.

What do you think of country music? Eh, not a fan. I would skip it in a second, and I never think about it.

Have you ever ended a relationship but wish you could’ve kept it a little longer? I’ve never ended a relationship.

Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yes...that’s not an event I would’ve wanted to miss out on lol. That was a nice day. My grandparents came to watch me, and we had dinner at a revolving restaurant after.

If you could live the last three months over again, is there anything you’d change? Everything went to shit exactly three months ago, so this hits home very hard for me. Yes, I would change a lot of things for life not to have gone the way it has.

Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you? My mom. I would be creeped out and tell my dad immediately.

How did you feel when you woke up today? Melancholic.

Who was the first person you talked to today? What did you talk about? I haven’t talked to anyone yet today. I was thinking of replying to Aliyah’s comment on my Facebook post, but in the end I didn’t think a response was necessary.

When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? I don’t wear makeup.

Did you do anything sexual last night? No.

Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? She has three children, me included.

Did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? If so, did you feel pressured to do the same? I don’t think my friends did, but I probably know other people who did. My baby asexual ass definitely didn’t feel the pressure. I was even scared shitless for my first kiss when it came time for it and I had kept putting it off that night.

Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile today? No.

Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? With my previous relationship, it did in the beginning; eventually I just stopped caring.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? I think it may have been Andrew.

Do you like where you are in life right now? No. I don’t know if a new year would make it better, or if it would help give me a healthier mindset. I just have to wait and see.

Do you hate it when there is a fly around you? Very much.

Is your mom overbearing? She can be.

Is there snow where you live? Never.