#already put a hot water bottle underneath my fuzzy blanket before I took the shower to get it nice and warm

[ipcearn]

Welp, freezing cold shower survived, time to warm up again

Gonna make myself a big pot of tea, keep my hot water bottle hot and bundle myself into blankets until all my limbs feel warm again and the head stops aching from the cold water

And then bother my dad into calling to have the hot water boiler fixed again once he gets up

[sebbytrash]

желание - Part Eight

Longing: A yielding desire

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings - Possible swear words. I’m scottish, I can’t help it. Some kissing, some fluff

A/N: REPOSTING BECAUSE OF BLOG MOVE

желание Masterlist

“Y/N.” Bucky cups your face, running his thumb over your lips, “Y/N, I have to go.”

You peer up at him from your position in bed, sleep making the image of him a little fuzzy.

“Mmmm, why? It’s so early.” You whine, snuggling further into the covers.

“Steve will come get me for our morning run soon. I kinda have to be there, or he’ll get suspicious.”

��Urgh, I guess. Well, have fun?”

He laughs before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead and disappearing out the door. You can’t help the smile the works its way onto your face, your forehead tingling from where his lips touched you. The intimacy of the gesture took you by surprise but it wasn't unwelcome.

Bucky had crept into your room late last night, long after your conversation with Nat in the kitchen. You both agreed that you weren't ready to share it with anyone else yet, wanting to have some time getting to know each other without the extra eyes on you at all times. It had been such an amazing feeling to lie beside him and simply allow yourself to touch him. Slipping an arm around his waist, or threading your fingers with his, the last 24 hours had been a dream.

Feeling lighter than you had in days, and just a little achy, you burrow into your blankets and opt at have a few more hours of blissful sleep.

A loud knocking wakes you several hours later, you pull the covers tight over your head, determined to ignore it. As if in protest, you stomach gives a loud gurgle and you feel the emptiness of it. Knowing there isn't much point in resisting - your appetite is legendary in the compound - you throw the covers off and trudge over to the door muttering to yourself as you go.

Swinging it open, you find yourself face to face with Steve, who’s holding out a breakfast burrito like its a White Flag.

“I brought you breakfast, don’t punch me.” He fake winces, before pushing past you into the room, “Now, can you put some clothes on?”

You glance down at yourself, realizing that you had opted to sleep in a tank and boxers because of Bucky, “Hey, you're the one who busted in here at-” you check your alarm clock, “12.30, jeez, is that really the time?”

“Yup.” Steve replies, popping the P whilst giving you his signature Judgement Eyebrow.

“Well, whatever. You don’t wanna see my ass, don’t come to my room uninvited.” You flop down onto your bed, tucking in to the burrito with a moan as the first bite hits your tastebuds. Your long past being modest with Steve, dude’s practically your brother. Besides, junk food really was your weakness.

“You ready to get back your training?” He eyes you warily as you inhale the burrito at lightening speed.

“Mmmrfffpphh, mmmay-ve.”

“God, you’re disgusting.” He wrinkles his nose at you before laughter erupts from him as the wrapper smacks off his head, followed by a rude gesture, “I’m kidding...sort of?”

“I said, maybe.” You resist the urge to stick out your tongue.

He stands, waltzing passed you on his way out the door, “You have an hour. See you downstairs, Kid.” He ruffles your hair on the way past. Maybe he’s more like a Dad?

Once you're finished, you shower and get dressed, choosing some workout gear since there’s no way Steve is gonna let you out of any more training days. He already gave you a week off since the attack. You catch your reflection in the mirror as you attempt to tame your hair, and it's the most rested you’ve looked in a while. You skin has color again, your eyes are bright and there's a perma-smile on your face that's threatening to make even you barf.

God, you were ridiculously in love. It was sickening. You take that knowledge and you stuff it down deep, way down deep.

When you enter the gym you flicker between the present and the attack, the sharp bite of the gun a phantom pain across your jaw. You blink slowly, once, twice, and your vision clears and your back in the present. You huff out a breath through your nose. Fucking Hydra.

“Glad you could finally join us, Y/N.” Steve says from behind the punchbag. There’s a few of the more broken ones stacked against the back wall. Two hanging a few feet apart, like weird stocky dance partners swaying to unheard music,

“Sorry, Captain Hard-Ass. Some of us mere mortals actually enjoy sleep.”

You hear a snort from behind the other bag, peering round you see Bucky standing, water bottle in hand and looking very post-workout. He’s wearing a tight grey t-shirt, the arms stretching to accommodate the sheer size of his biceps. Does the metal one count as a bicep? Huh. The shirt is damp with sweat, a clear indication of how hard he’s been working since he rarely sweats, and damn, even that is fucking hot. His sweatpants hang low and loose, and now that you know what's underneath you couldn't control your eyes if you wanted to. When your eyes finally meet his, he’s smirking, cat-got-the-cream smirking and you catch yourself mirroring it before casting your eyes back to Steve who’s finding the whole thing just a little too interesting.

“So, what's next in 100-ways-to-kill-Y/N?” You ask Steve, directing his attention away from the silent exchange between you and Bucky

“Very funny.” cue eyeroll, “Just some hand to hand combat, maybe a little knife throwing if you manage to knock Bucky on his ass at least once.”

Oh this was going to be interesting.

And it was. Or tortuous, or maybe both. Hand to hand with Bucky wasn't anything new, but the way Bucky lingered on your skin was. Every time he pinned you he'd hold it just a few seconds longer than polite, or his fingers would skim your ass as he circled you, teasing till your vision was blurry with it. He's using the way you react to him like a weapon and you find it immensely unfair. He's pinned you again, and this time you find yourself millimetres from the muscles and tendons of his neck, his turned his head to listen to Steve's instructions and you seize your moment. You place your lips on his neck, sliding your tongue over his pulse point, tasting the faint hint of sweat. His throat moves as he swallow loudly, his voice falters slightly and now you have the upper hand. You use the vantage point, knowing Steve can only see Bucky's body blocking you against the wall, you arch yourself against him, pressing so that your torso is flush with his, feeling his breath rush out of him in response. His grip on you falters allowing you to slip from his grasp, you slip a leg behind his and use his body weight to unbalance him sending him to the floor with a resounding thud.

Bucky blinks up at you, eyes wide, the whites threatening to overtake. Steve stops mid-sentence,  his mouth hanging open before splitting into a very Proud Dad smile.

“Nice job, Y/N!”

“She got lucky.” Bucky murmurs as he stands, but you see the secret half-smile he’s hiding under all that hair.

“We’re done for today. I have a few things I wanna go over with you tomorrow, but for today you did good. A little distracted, but good. Try to focus more tomorrow, huh Kid?” Steve gives you a weird look, but passes it off as a nod and then he’s turning to Bucky. Guess you’ve been dismissed?

Your eyes automatically slide over Bucky before you leave, he’s watching you over Steve’s shoulder sending you a look that sends bolts up your spine.

You wander through the corridors, a lazy pace, mind lost in thoughts of Bucky’s fingers slipping along your skin. You make it half way back to your room before you round a corner and straight into him. He hauls you by the waist until your back is against the wall, a running theme with him, and his face is inches from yours. He dips and runs his nose up your jaw, breathing deeply like he's grounding himself.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He mouths along your jaw, slowly but thoroughly, “Do you know how hard it was to keep my hands to myself today?”

“Hmmm…” Your mouth trips a little, distracted by the way his mouth and tongue are tasting your skin, “From where I was standing, you didn't keep your hands to yourself at all.”

“Trust me, I did.” His hands wander down to your ass, a thick thigh edging between your legs effectively pinning you to the wall, “Shit, I really did. The things-”

He cuts off as his eyes cloud over a little with shades of lust and edge. The look he gets has you wondering what those things were, hoping he’ll tell you, or better yet show you; the look of clear intent. His lips find yours, mouth sliding against yours as you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. The soft push and pull of him is making your skin hum and pulse with need.

“The things I wanted to do, want to do…” He continues, lips brushing with yours as his mouth makes the shapes of each word, his voice low and gravely, pouring over you.

“Mmmm, what sorta things?” You pull his bottom lip into you mouth, not really sucking, just a gentle pressure to hold it there and revel in the feel of it.

A loud buzzing pierces the bubble you were floating in, Bucky’s phone rudely interrupting your conversation and reminding you that you were currently grinding down on Bucky's thigh in the middle of an open corridor. With a heavy sigh, Bucky pushes back a little, edges his hand down to pull his phone from his pocket.

“It’s Steve.”

“You should go.” You brush your lips along his cheek, “I’ll see you later?”

“Hmm, yeah. Uh- do you...meet me in my room?”

“Sure, Buck. I’ll be there.”

You shower and change, spending a little longer on your hair than normal, attempting to tame it into some sort of style. You quietly make your way to Bucky’s room, avoiding the kitchen incase like the plague, knowing Nat is probably lurking again. Once at his door, you slip inside, relieved to have got here without bumping into anyone for a change.

Door shut behind you, you suddenly feel very aware that you were in Bucky’s room...alone. Doing a slow circle, you once-over everything, noting the absence of personal touches. Your eyes fall on the window, the now covered window. Your heart stuttered in your chest.

He’d hung curtains for you.

[vintagemichelle91]

A Hard Lesson in Illusions: Chapter 8

Author’s Note: Happy Wednesday!!! Thank you so much for the feedback as it is always appreciated! Now, who exactly came through the door??? Read on to find out!! @rauliskafan and I hope you enjoy!!!

           “Please go---!”

           “Natalia!”

           With Rafael’s head spilling into her shoulders, Natalia blinked up as the shadow took shape… turned into Trevor dressed in black with a gun in hand that he had not fired. She heaved a sigh of relief as he knelt to check Carmen’s pulse, hoisting her moaning form into his arms and leaving her on the bed as Natalia helped her husband to his feet.

           “How did you know?” she asked.

           “Your voice gave you away,” he started. “Let’s get out of here.”

           He moved to Rafael’s other side as they pulled him from the room that had been his prison, dragging him past Hector and the broken glass. Somehow, they maneuvered him down the staircase…

           …where Trevor had a car waiting.

           “Get in the back,” Trevor ordered. “You’ll be fine.”

           Unsure as to whether or not that was true, Natalia still obeyed and settled on the leather upholstery with Rafael’s head in her lap. Trevor climbed behind the wheel and sped off.          

“Natalia?” Rafael muttered, his voice weak.

           “Give him something to drink,” Trevor said, tossing a plastic bottle back. Natalia poured the water between his lips, holding his head up to keep him from coughing. As they moved further and further from harm’s way, or so she hoped, she touched Rafael’s face again, her fingers and her mind registering the beard sprouting from his warm cheeks.

           “Someone needs a shave,” she halfheartedly joked as he drank again, and he grabbed her hand.           

 “Are your services for sale?” He barely cracked a smile as she hugged him close, trying to keep tears in check. Too much to say. Maybe they weren’t out of danger yet. But soon… soon she would have to tell him everything.

          “You should be safe here. For now.”

           Trevor looked out the window of a safe house just beyond the city limits. Rafael listened to the story as Natalia bathed his brow with a damp cloth.

           “He looks like me?” Rafael asked. Natalia nodded sadly and said nothing else as they sat on the edge of the bed.

           “Where’s Violetta?” Natalia asked. “I told you to stay with her.”

Trevor turned back with a faint smile. “I sent her out of town with Alessia once I knew something was wrong,” he explained patiently.

           “How did you find us?”

            “I tried the townhouse. His office.” He nodded in Rafael’s direction before pulling a chair to the bed. “Been tracking your phone, the… assistant’s.”

           He uttered Carmen’s title as if it was the foulest of words and shook it off as he held Natalia’s hand.

“Violetta is safe,” he promised. “I still have some contacts in Manhattan courtesy of Harker. You have nothing to worry about.”

           “What about Maggie?” Rafael asked.

           “She’ll be told that Natalia went with them,” Trevor answered simply. “Have eyes on her, too. Out of sight of course.”

           “So what now?” Rafael asked. “We just wait?”  

           “Exactly,” Trevor said. “Need every duck in a row before we do anything rash.”

           “But that… person is out there,” Rafael said. “Living my life. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

            “Rafael, please. We need to tread lightly.” Natalia placed her hand on his chest, and he felt his breath calm. Turning towards her, he saw her trembling and hung his head.

            “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

           “You did nothing wrong,” Natalia said. “I… we’ll talk about it later.” She looked ready to cry and he almost touched her face when she left his side, pacing the room as he turned to Trevor.

            “No other way to do this?” Rafael asked.

           “I’m afraid not,” he said. “Not until we have all the facts. Natalia, is there more anything more that you can tell me?”

           Watching her fiddle with the curtains, Rafael saw the bruise on her cheek. He had to have done it. Rafael was ready to leap from his own skin, stalk the streets until he found this man. Was he strong enough to look in a warped mirror? His head felt fuzzy as Natalia spoke.

           “I am just as confused as you are,” she said. “That man… Nevada… I never met him before in my life.”

           What wasn’t she saying? Rafael longed to know as Trevor cleared his throat.

           “We’ll leave it at that then,” he said. “You’ll wait here.”

           “That’s your plan?” Rafael asked.

           “And what do you suggest we do?” Trevor challenged. “Go in guns blazing? In my line of work, that doesn’t play.”

           “Worked in London,” Rafael said, struggling to his feet. “Why are you suddenly so---?”

           “Please! Stop! Just stop!” Natalia slammed her palm against the thick glass of the window. Rafael rushed to her side and tried to hold her.

           “Hermosa?”

           “I’m alright. Don’t…”

Tensing, she said nothing else, and Trevor glanced at his watch.

           “I’m off now,” he said.

           “You’re going?” Rafael asked.

           “I need to a bit more digging. Find out what you’re up against.”

           “You both said it was Carmen and---”

           “This Ramirez twat,” he seethed. “But the question is why. I have two men downstairs and two more across the way. No one’s getting in here. Natalia?

           She walked towards him slowly as he touched her shoulders. Rafael blinked. More bruises? What had happened to her?

“I wasn’t much of a father,” Trevor continued. “But I have the skills for this situation. I swear I won’t let you down.”

           Rafael was ready to protest when Trevor narrowed his eyes.

           “Think of Violetta,” he said. “Stay put and let me try to help you.”

           Against that line of reasoning, he had no argument.

           “For tonight,” Rafael conceded.

            “Please be careful,” Natalia said, her eyes flickering with worry as she extended her hand to her father.

            “Of course,” Trevor said, squeezing her fingers in his. “Rest up. I’ll be back before you know it.”

With that, he left them. Rafael grimaced, ready to ask about the marks as Natalia pointed to the bathroom.

“You’ll want to get cleaned up,” she said.

“Not just yet,” he said, slipping from her arms back to the bed. “I want… I need to know…”

Dizzy again, he fell to the bed.

“Rafael?”

“Don’t leave me, Natalia. I need you.”

She sat slowly, and he gently kissed her fingers as she caressed his bearded face. His arms extended, ready to pull her close when she bundled his body in the blankets until he gave in to an easier sleep than he had known in days. Because she was here with him. So much more, so much sweeter than a wanting dream from which he awoke alone.

But when he did wake, the questions remained.

           Lukewarm water cascaded over Natalia’s back as she stood underneath the shower head. Dirt and blood swirled down the drain and as she scrubbed and scrubbed. No use; she still felt filthy. The bruises stung. Not just on her back but in other scarred places that she could not see. She’d been through it before. But this was worse.

           How could she face him again? Return to Rafael’s arms? Once he knew what she had done…

           Hot, angry tears flowed, and Natalia placed her hand over her mouth to conceal the sobs wracking her body.

           “Hermosa?”

Rafael spoke softly as he knocked on the bathroom door. Natalia turned up the water to drown him out, to gather her thoughts before responding. Don’t tell him now. Not when they had to wait for Trevor, wish for home…

…hope to get back to Violetta.

           “I’m okay.” Her reply was meek, and she shut her eyes, praying that he would accept her answer.

           Her husband, the real Rafael was not so easily swayed.

            “Natalia?”

He lightly pushed back the shower curtain. She didn’t dare look at him even as she felt his eyes on her… on her body. Her tears intensified at the shame of wearing the brand of Nevada Ramirez’s touch, like she was his whore…

Grotesque. It was the only word that came to mind, echoing in her brain as Rafael reached for her.

           “Hermosa, did he do this to you?” She gave him nothing in the way of a response. He stripped off his clothes, stepping into the shower, seeing her body a discolored mass that ached with every splash of water and spray of soap.

           “Yes,” she softly said. “I’m sorry.”

           “No, Natalia. There’s nothing to be…”

           His voice trailed off as he cupped her face in his hands and attempted to kiss away her tears. But she pushed him away.

           “How could you want me like this?” Her lip quivered as another sob threatened to escape her lips.

           “I will always want you… siempre mi hermosa flor...” he reassured her.

           “Don’t call me that… I don’t deserve… I’m disgusting… can’t you see that!”

           “Natalia, listen to me,” Rafael implored. His voice almost pulled her from the depths of despair, his lips feather light on her black and blue shoulders tinged by the water. “You are the most exquisite woman I have ever known. You saved me. Whatever that animal did to you, it is not your---”

           “Oh, Rafael, if you only knew!” she continued to cry as she twisted away from him.

           “Natalia, please.”

“I---I s-slept with him. Willingly…oh God, I thought he was you!”

It was as if she plunged a knife into her own heart and his. A single glance over her injured shoulder revealed his teeth gritted, his eyes raging with fury. “I had no idea… he made me believe… why didn’t I know?”

Now he would leave her. Maybe not the room but her soul. How could he ever trust her again? Touch her again? Natalia nearly sank to the slick floor when Rafael caught her and tenderly turned her around to face him.

“Natalia… mi hermosa flor. It wasn’t your fault. He took advantage of you. Of your trusting heart.

“But I betrayed you. I betrayed our vows. Don’t try to make it okay. I failed... us.”

She wept as Rafael ran his hands down her arms and avoided her hands. Was he already fading away? Try as she might she would never be clean again, never worthy of an absolution.

Delicately, he pressed his fingers under her chin.

“Hermosa, por favor… don’t talk like that. If anyone failed… it was me. Because I wasn’t there to protect you. I wish…”

His lips met hers, soft and full of quiet passion under the water. As his kiss fell away he finally took her into his arms.

“I love you, Natalia. Nothing can ever change that.”

“But how could you still want me?” she continued to cry.

“Because I told you I’m banking on forever… and that means nothing to me without you.”

Her sobs dissipated as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. They lingered under the water until it ran cold. Only then did he help her back to the bed. Falling between the sheets, he embraced her, threading his fingers through her hair with each kiss. She started to grow drowsy when his lips drifted towards her ear.

“You rescued me, hermosa. Rest now. Let me rescue you.”

“Atticus…”

With a sigh she fell asleep in his arms.

“We have to move fast.”

Trevor returned the next morning with clean clothes and an intense stare.

“What did you find out?” Rafael asked as he shrugged on a black blazer and Natalia stepped into a pair of sandals.

“Your imposter is planning to attend some fundraiser tonight.”

“What do you think he plans to do there?” Natalia asked.

“Probably the same thing he did in court today,” Trevor said. “Play the fool. Sully Rafael’s reputation.”

“Ward,” Rafael growled as he ran his fingers through his hair. “He has to be the one behind this.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Trevor said. “But subterfuge aside, I think we should call him on his game right out in the open.”

“Isn’t that risky?” Natalia asked.

“Better that than to let him lie in the dark,” Trevor said. “Rafael, listen to me.”

Trevor laid out a plan for Rafael to attend the gala undercover, to wait for a precise moment to pounce. He deflected any idea of calling Liv or Dodds or any other member of the squad.

“The less people that know, the safer everyone will be,” Trevor insisted.

Rafael grumbled before agreeing.

“Tell me where and when and I’ll be there,” he said.

“Me, too,” Natalia whispered.

“Hermosa, I don’t think that---”

“No, Rafael. I’m not losing you again. Whatever happens, I’ll be with you.”