#almost three hundred people voted too like what the heck

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

A WHOLE 30 PEOPLE VOTED FOR THE RAREPAIR WHAT THE HECK oh that delights me. I am delighted.

Okay so I did in fact suspect the Sugar Baby AU would win but I did not expect it to sweep with nearly 60% goddamn. I thought D&D would put up more of a fight.

Thank you to everyone for voting! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. THE BABY WILL BE SUGARED.

YOU HAVE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS BEFORE THIS MESSAGE SELF DESTRUCTS

[whiteqnn]

PURE [2] - Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

A/N:  443 notes?! THIS IS INSANE! Thank you guys so much for all the love under the first part of this, I was so shocked to see how many people enjoyed this story! I hope this one will be just as fun for you as the first one ^^

part 1

part 3 

part 4 

part 5

PURE [2]

Corpse stared at the red screen with the word IMPOSTOR written in the middle, his eyes widened, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

“No way” he murmured into his microphone, no longer holding himself from breaking into laughter. “Do you guys see this? I wish I could see Y/N’s reaction.”

It took his audience just a second to respond, his chat being flooded with lots of comments about the said girl. 

“SHES SHOOK” he managed to read one from the hundreds of comments, once again bursting into laughter. “Yeah, I can imagine.”

He decided to follow Lily for a while to make himself less suspicious. He probably didn’t need to do that this time, since the others usually suspected him when he was innocent. Ironically, each time he was the impostor, they seemed completely blind to every murder he committed. 

They were both doing their tasks in O2 when the first body was reported. 

“Woah, Y/N is fast” he mumbled, before unmuting himself. 

“Okay,” Lily began speaking first “Corpse is 100% innocent, we were together this whole round, doing our tasks in O2. That’s all I have.”

“Yeah I saw you guys in there,” Felix said. “Where’s the body Sykkuno?”

“Um, so first of all I can also vouch for Dave and Y/N, we were hanging out all this time. So in the beginning, we were all in the upper engine, protecting each other like good friends that we are, and then we headed towards the medbay. And that’s where it gets interesting because I’m pretty sure I saw Poki leave medbay and run to the cafeteria.”

“You really think I would kill my best friend in the first round?”

“Yeah well, some people do” Sean scoffed, clearly referring to the last game when he was murdered by Felix. “Besides, I saw you guys when I was leaving Security so it looks like you were with her the entire round.”

“Wha- Okay, let me defend myself. I would never kill her if I was the impostor, which I’m not because she’d literally come barging into my room to murder me. She’d kill me for killing her first.”

Toast, who seemingly still held grudge against Corpse’s fellow impostor, decided to call Y/N out “Y’know, we all played with Rae before, so we all know how furious she gets after being killed first... but there’s one person who doesn’t know that.”

“Y/N/N?” Sean’s voice blared through their headphones “As much as I know how hard it would be for her to make the first kill, I can actually see that happening.”

“What?! Sykkuno vouched for me literally seconds ago, where the heck did you get that from Toast?” she asked in utter shock. Corpse glanced at his chat and leaned towards his mic, making sure that he was muted in the game.

“Y’know guys, if I didn’t know she’s the impostor, I’d believe in her every word. I mean, she’s so innocent, just listen to her.” he said with a smile, not expecting in the slightest how his audience will react. 

“Aww, he goes soft for her ^^” 

“The duo we need but don’t deserve”

“Y/N FOR THE BRIDE”

“What?” he almost stuttered, quickly going through the growing number of such comments. “I mean-”

“Ooh, someone’s getting angry. Where the��heck? That’s aggressive, Y/N” Felix’s amused voice brought him back to reality, and even though Corpse didn’t use a webcam, he still tried to hide his pink-tinted cheeks in the material of his hoodie.

“It was not me! I swear! I was doing my tasks all this time, making sure that no one murders Sykkuno or Dave!” 

“You’re pretty defensive for someone who claims to be innocent,” Toast said with a smirk hiding in his voice. 

“Give her a break guys, she was literally with us all this time. I’m sure we would’ve noticed if she killed somebody” Dave stood up for her, but it seemed like all the attention was directed from Poki to Y/N. 

“Well maybe the other impostor is either you or Sykkuno and you’re just trying to clear each other?”

“Um, if there were two impostors among the three of us, the third person would have to be a crewmate. I mean, it would be impossible for them to kill somebody without a crewmate seeing it.” Sykkuno pointed out, much to Corpses’ relief. 

“I knew Sykkuno would vouch for her” he told his chat, before unmuting himself to defend Y/N as well “Haven’t we already established that Poki is sus as well? She was last seen near the body and has no alibi.” 

“I didn’t do it. The only person that could vouch for me is dead, we were with each other the entire round. I leave her for a few seconds and somebody kills her, but it wasn’t me.” 

“I don’t think she’s lying guys, I mean, if she killed Rae she’d probably be dead already” Felix chuckled “Let’s just skip this round, we don’t have enough evidence.”

“Alright, but Y/N,” Toast said, as everyone pressed the skip button “I have my eyes on you.”

Corpse could hear her sigh before everyone muted their mics. 

“We’ve gotta get rid of Toast guys, he’s too suspicious. I don’t want him accusing my partner in crime, even though he’s right” he chuckled under his breath, following Toast’s character into Admin. “Alright, Felix is with us as well, good. If I just pretend I’m doing card swipe, they’re gonna both vouch for me since everyone knows I’m great at this task.” he shook his head with a deep laugh escaping his throat. 

He could see the other two astronauts running around admin, before they both decided to leave, which gave Corpse a perfect opportunity to frame Toast. He killed the lights and chased his victim who, much to his joy, was now completely alone in comms. 

“Hi, Felix. Bye, Felix.” Corpse snapped his neck before speeding out of the room and venting into Navigation.

That’s when someone fixed the lights. And Corpse jumped out of the vent, only to come face to face with none other than Toast. 

“SHIT” he laughed in panic, seeing that he couldn’t use the kill function yet. “Shit, he must’ve seen me.”

And indeed, it took Toast just a split of second to run out of the room and speed towards the emergency button, Corpse hot on his tail, even though he knew he wouldn’t avoid getting ejected. 

“I’m busted guys, there’s no way they’re gonna believe me” he told his audience, watching as Toast’s character approached the button. However, Corpse wasn’t sure if he was just seeing things, but he thought that he saw an outline of another character appear out of nowhere just mere seconds before Toast called the meeting...

“YES” he almost screamed, at the same time laughing hysterically, when he saw the red cross decorating Toast’s name. 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” Sean yelled, similarly to every other player that remained alive. “HOW DID THAT HAPPENED?!”

“Oh my God.”

“But- I don’t get it. What just happened?” Y/N’s soft voice sounded out, making Corpse laugh even more. 

“Someone killed Toast the moment he called the meeting.” Sykkuno explained, barely holding himself from laughing.

“Is that even possible?” she asked confused, her voice sounding so innocent and sweet that the other impostor couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

“Oh my god, she’s just- I can’t.” he chuckled deeply “She’s too precious guys, I swear I’m gonna do everything to keep her alive.”

“Yeah, that’s some big brain move. And since Toast is dead, there’s only one person with balls who could do it” Sean said, clearly very sure of his next words.

“CORPSE!” Lily chirped into her microphone, her voice soon being followed by others who eagerly agreed with her. 

“Okay, I admit I saw them in admin where I was doing the card swipe, but then they both left and I haven’t seen them anymore.”

“Were you in admin this whole time?” Poki asked. 

“Um- yeah, pretty much. I tried to beat my own record in failing a card swipe.” he replied, making everyone laugh. He thought of it as a good cover, unless someone entered the admin after he left... 

“Sykkuno where are you?” Poki directed her next question to the lime astronaut.

“Why am I accused again?” he asked confused “I was with Sean in medbay, I think Y/N joined us for a moment to do the scan, then she left, and then Toast called the meeting.”

“So maybe it’s her?” Dave commented “I mean, medbay is right next to the cafeteria, so she had quite an easy access to the emergency button.”

“Yeah, that would actually make sense” Lily added.

“Oh no, they’re gonna vote her off...” Corpse mumbled under his breath, deciding that he had to intervene. She just saved his ass, he couldn’t possibly just watch her get ejected because of that. 

“Guys, I didn’t even know it was possible to kill someone this way. Trust me, I played only a few times and Jack made sure not to reveal any of his big brain moves.” she scoffed at the last part, making Jack let out a loud laugh.

“How can we be sure you’re not just acting all innocent? I mean, you exposed Felix last game, being one of the last people to stay alive.”

“Y/N was with me when Toast called the meeting, she is innocent” Corpse decided to finally speak up. The silence settled among other players. “She found me in admin and made sure nobody killed me when I failed the fucking card swipe.”

“Why are you saying this just now, Corpse?”

“Cause he’s fallen for her god damn trap! I told you!” Sean argued.

“What trap?” Y/N asked confused.

“I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s like listening to an angel” Corpse said, before he could stop himself. Everyone on the call went wild, just like his chat did... He didn’t know why he said that, it just slipped before he really thought about it.

“Corpse, you do realize you’re simping only makes you even more suspicious?” Poki asked with a laugh, and Corpse felt the blush rising up his cheeks. Even more, when Y/N completely ignored this comment, deciding to suddenly stay quiet...

Did he make her uncomfortable with such comments?

“Seriously though, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t her. We watched each other’s back, so I’m also clean.” 

“As much as I hate to do it, I have to agree with Corpse on this one” Sean suddenly said. “That she’s innocent, I mean. I’m sure Corpse just follows her around like a lost puppy and I didn’t see the two of them, but I doubt Y/N knew it’s possible to kill somebody like that. No offense kiddo.”

“See? Guys, it wasn’t me!” she exclaimed. 

“Wait, why do you hate to agree with me?” Corpse asked in confusion.

“CAUSE YOU’RE KINDA SUS CORPSE” 

“What? I just told you my alibi, weren’t you listening Jack?”

“We have twenty seconds left” Lily reminded, cause everyone seemed to forget about the voting time. “We don’t skip at 7, right?”

“Alright, I’m voting Corpse, I still think he’s sus even though I agreed with him.” Sean announced, much to Y/N’s dismay. She quickly objected, trying to defend her fellow impostor:

“It’s NOT him, I watched him fail that dang card swipe!”

“DANG?! NO NEED TO BE SO OFFENSIVE YOUNG LADY” 

“I’m also voting Corpse, he must be one of them.” Lily agreed with Jack.

“Sykkuno, I hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing” Y/N asked the lime astronaut, who was silent for the past few minutes.

“I um- I don’t know, they kinda have a point Y/N...”

“Sykkuno, listen to me.” she lowered her voice, trying to convince him “Corpse is not the impostor. You know you can trust me, right?”

“...”

“SYKKUNO GOD DAMN IT, DON’T LISTEN TO HER!”

“Sorry guys...”

Corpse burst out laughing, seeing that out of seven remaining players, five of them decided to skip. 

“She’s too good” he chuckled, quickly running up Y/N’s character when they started the next round. He circled her white astronaut, and she seemed to get his message because she eagerly followed him into Electrical to fake the tasks and wait for someone to show up. 

Soon enough two figures waltzed into the room, only to be simultaneously decapitated by the two impostors, who then swiftly vented into medbay and locked the door to their crime scene. 

“That was smooth” Corpse smiled, happily running around Y/N’s character. “I love being impostors with Y/N, it’s so much fun. The best thing is that no one besides Toast really suspects her of doing something wrong.”

Corpse figured Y/N sabotaged the oxygen because the next thing he saw was Lily running past medbay to stop it from depleting. 

“Ladies first, Y/N” he mumbled, and even though she couldn’t hear him, her small character sped up and left the medbay, chasing after Lily. He waited a few seconds, before bursting out laughing.

Victory. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Sean yelled in shock “Y/N?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW”

“Y/N HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

“That was... I would never guess it was you!” 

“I’m sorry guys, I really didn’t want to kill any of you” she laughed apologetically, but Corpse could sense she was smiling “I just had no other choice...”

“Yeah, I’m sure you killed us by accident” Toast’s voice blared out, followed by loud laughter.

“What was that again? I didn’t even know you could kill someone this way?” Felix mocked in a high pitched voice, making them laugh hysterically. Corpse also found himself unable to catch a breath between his giggles.

“I told you guys they’d fuck us up.” Rae spoke up “But I was actually glad Y/N killed me first, watching her kill Toast was so much fun.”

“Ha ha, thanks, Rae!” Toast exclaimed ironically.

“Y/N and Corpse are just complete serial killers, I don’t know how else to comment that” Felix chuckled. 

“Well...” Corpse mumbled, unmuting his microphone “I can’t disagree. She’s a perfect partner in crime.”

“NOT AGAIN WITH SIMPING CORPSE” he heard Sean’s response, and once again felt awkward when his all his friends laughed at him, and Y/N remained quiet. 

That was, however, until her soft voice effectively quietened everyone. 

“It was.. an honor to murder my friends with you.” 

Corpse never thought his face could hurt from smiling so much...

“Alright, who’s up for another game?” Felix asked after a few moments, and received a chorus of me’s from almost everyone. 

“Unfortunately I have to go now, but it was so fun playing with you guys!” Y/N said, making everyone (Corpse included) object rather loudly:

“One more round, please? I want to see you kill someone again!”

“C’mon kid, what else do you have to do?”

“Stay with us Y/N, I need someone to protect me!” 

“I’m sorry but I’m really tired. I’m sure I’d just fall asleep on my desk and Toast would come up behind my back to murder me.”

“Well, that was actually my plan...” the man in question replied with a chuckle.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay?” Corpse finally asked “Killing won’t be the same without you...”

“I know, and I’m sorry... But I was working the whole day and my eyes just hurt and I feel like I’m gonna faint” she replied. 

“Alright, but just so you know, we’re playing again later this week, and I better see you entering the lobby on time” Felix said, trying to sound threatening, but failing at it. Y/N giggled to herself, the sound making Corpse smile almost unknowingly. 

“I wouldn’t dare to miss a chance to murder my new friends!” 

“Oh my god, she’s too adorable!” 

Everyone said their goodbyes and soon Y/N left the call, her small astronaut disappearing from the lobby, much to Corpse’s disappointment. He wished she’d stay a little longer, playing with her was something he found incredibly fun and quite relaxing if he was completely honest. Or maybe aside from playing itself, listening to her voice was what kept bringing a smile to his face every time she spoke up. 

“Guys, I think I’m also gonna call it a day, it was really fun.”

“What? It’s not even been over an hour!” Rae protested. 

“Yeah, I um.. I know but-”

“Don’t push him guys, he can’t play without his partner in crime” Toast’s teasing voice made everyone burst out laughing, and Corpse just shook his head, glad that nobody could see how red his face became.

“Fuck you guys, okay?” he chuckled into the mic, before finally saying his goodbyes and leaving as well. He thanked his viewers for watching and promised to stay longer next time, before closing the discord. 

He sat for a moment in his chair, staring at the black screen, a smile slowly widening on his lips. It was one of the best games he had ever played in Among Us, and he couldn’t wait to be Impostor with Y/N again. 

“Perfect partner in crime... I’m such an idiot” he mumbled under his breath and felt himself blush, shaking his head at how awkward that must’ve sounded. He pulled his phone out and checked his Twitter, only for his eyes to widen once he saw the top trending hashtags. 

#Y/NxCorpse

#Y/NfortheBride

#PerfectPartnerInCrime

“Oh my God...” Corpse yelped, covering his eyes with his hand as if it would make all those tweets disappear. “Why am I the way I am?” 

He considered texting her, trying to maybe make things less awkward than they already were, but decided against it. He feared he’d make even more of an idiot out of himself... 

Convinced that all those comments about simping and now those hashtags made her uncomfortable, it didn’t even cross his mind that Y/N might be looking at them at the exact same moment, with adorable blush tinting her cheeks, and her lips turning into a small, shy smile...  

A/N: I think about writing 3rd part... 

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Welcome To Backwater ch.3 (spicyhoney)

Summary: Stretch is getting out and meeting new people, if only things weren’t a little...ominous. 

Content:  Spicyhoney, Midwest Gothic

~~*~~

Read Chapter Three on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

The thing was, Stretch had never really lived on his own. For most of his life, he’d lived with his brother. Taking care of Blue when he was a kiddo, then sort of swapping roles for a while as they got older. By the time they were on the surface, they had a pretty good give and take going when it came to cohabitation. Living with his bro was never the problem.

It was moving back in with him after everything went down that was the hard part. His sympathy felt more like stifling pity, the relentless cheer Stretch normally adored was grating, and as much as Stretch loved his brother, (and he did, his brother was the coolest and fuck anyone who didn’t see that), he just…he couldn’t. Not right now.

That all came to a head and landed him on the midnight bus to anywhere and living here essentially alone was turning into a balancing act between being necessarily solitary and lonely enough to start befriending the local spooks, and now look at him.

Standing in Red’s living room and armed with a lamp shaped like a flamingo, probably about to be murdered for the hundred bucks in the front register and Red’s shitty microwave, and his first stupid thought was, holy shit, he’s gorgeous.

Not that it wasn’t a valid thought, but it didn’t do much to better the situation. A skeleton Monster (another one? really?) that was almost as tall as he was, but instead of Stretch’s scrawny bod and knobby knees poking out of his cargo shorts, this guy looked like he’d just stepped out of GQ’s leather edition, available only with a valid ID. From those slender hips with all the right curves all the way up to the delicate intricacies of his cervical vertebra, he was like a book written in braille, begging for a touch. Those cheekbones alone were sharp enough to do more damage than any damn lamp, fuck, he should have to carry a weapons license for those things, they were sure as hell giving Stretch a good stab in the libido.

Mystery guy only stood there in Red living room, cool and calm in spite of the fact he was wearing a sleek leather jacket and knee-high damn motorcycle boots, (fuck, those legs), on a sweltering day. Didn’t even bother to pull his hands out of his jeans pockets, like he was hanging around patiently for a fucking takeout order instead of starring in a home invasion.

The guy raised a browbone, and fuck, how did even the scar running through his socket seem sexy? “Well?” Mystery Man said, “Nothing else to say?”

That broke the spell. Well, kinda, holy shit, take two. That voice, it was almost rich enough to pour into a cup, but damn, if Sugar Tongue here dusted Red, what was Stretch gonna tell the cops? That he was too busy getting seduced by those dark molasses wiles to do anything about it?

Stretch brandished the lamp again and blustered out, “i asked you first!”

The guy sighed heavily and for half an idiot second, Stretch felt bad for disappointing him. “If we’re going to continue down this path of childish competition, then I was here first. Would you care to offer a rebuttal? Or is that word too complicated for you, I’d make an attempt to bring it down to your level, but I don’t have the time to journey back out of the realm of stupidity today.”

That was enough to snap him out of this guy’s erotic stupidity spell. Great, he was a murderer and a dick, Stretch should’ve known. No one with hips like that could be on the side of good. He raised the lamp again threateningly, flamingo-beak facing front, “the only butt around here is gonna be yours when i kick it!”

The guy only rolled his eye lights, deep crimson, huh, how about that. “Ah, how refreshing it is to have a chance to engage in such cunning debate,” he drawled. “But as enchanting as this has been, let me interrupt the vigilante plotline you seem to be starting. I’m only here to drop off a package for my brother.”

“brother?” Stretch parroted dumbly. Oh. Ohhhhh, for fuck’s sake he was an idiot. Red eye lights, skeleton monster, all he was missing was a fucking name tag that said, ‘Red’s Tall Brother, Please Do Not Ambush.’

Well, that was one way to make a first impression.

Stretch sheepishly lowered the lamp, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. “oh. uh, sorry about that, i’m a little on edge.”

“On edge, are you,” the guy repeated. One corner of his mouth pulled upward in a sardonic little smile, another sign of the unfairness of life that it only made him look even more appealing, if that were possible. Sex on legs and that voice? Some guys cheated to role for charisma twice was all Stretch was saying. “Ah, aren’t life’s little ironies precious.”

Before Stretch could figure out what the heck that meant, he heard the familiar thump and bump of Red hurrying down the hallway. The door was flung open hard enough to bounce against the opposite wall and Red paused in the doorway, taking in the scene. His brother standing there is all his sexy glory, completely unconcerned and weaponless, and Stretch still sweaty and disheveled from trekking through the heat outside, standing there with a lamp in his hands trying to look like he hadn’t been ready to bonk the guy on the noggin like the first chapter of an Agatha Christie novel.

Red was snickering before Stretch could even scramble for any sort of excuse, “whatcha gonna do with the lamp, armstrong, knock his lights out?”

“i was improvising,” Stretch mumbled. He plunked the hideous thing back on the table, fumbling to plug it back in. "you didn't tell me you had a brother."

"no?” Red set both hands on the top of his cane to lean against it and innocent was not a voice he wore well, nope. “musta slipped my mind."

"Your mind is ever slippery, brother," said brother put forth in a clipped tone, "Somehow, you managed to forget to mention this…person…to me as well."

"and 'cause i did you got to have an excitin' first meeting,” Red said, abandoning innocence for pure mischief. He gave them both a broad wink, “ain't that right?"

About the only thing Stretch and this guy had in common was the mutual dirty looks they gave back to that.

“only if you get your thrills from a criminal sort of meet and greet,” Stretch said.

"Yes," the brother said irritably, "Very exciting. And now that we’ve all confirmed who I am, would you care to explain who this is?”

Red’s grin widened, his gold tooth winking in the mellow sunlight streaming in through the tatty curtains. “my new clerk.”

“Your—” That irritation melted into horror as the guy’s spine went ruler-straight as if someone jammed a yardstick up his ass before he blustered out, “have you lost your tiny little mind?”

Stretch couldn’t help feeling a little insulted. It was a little grocery store, not the Ritz, they didn’t need all their cheese on the crackers to manage selling ‘em, thanks.

Red didn’t seem bothered by his brother’s disbelief, he only shrugged, “nah. don’t think so, anyway.” Then with a touch of acid, “not like you’re around long enough to find out.”

His brother ignored that. Seemed like he was still stuck on Red’s audacity in hiring a clerk. “You have,” he said wonderingly, “You’ve completely lost your mind this time. And you’re keeping him right here in the house?”

“room upstairs, but yeah.” Red sucked on his teeth loudly, grinning his wide, feral grin. “got a problem with that, little brother?”

Conversation briefly ceased as they both seemed to be trying to communicate in glares and Stretch didn’t know enough of the language to interpret, but he didn’t think it was going well. Especially not when the tall drink of brother abruptly turned to him and said, “Go get your things.”

Stretch only gaped at him, too surprised to even protest, of all the fucking arrogance—!

“Go get your things,” he repeated, a touch louder and flavored with a dash of impatience, “and I’ll take you to the bus depot right now.”

“you’re serious,” Stretch said in disbelief. He shook his head with a short laugh, “heh, sorry, champ, not going anywhere on your say-so. besides, i just got here, if i leave now, I’ll never get voted prom queen.”

The other guy’s face didn’t so much as twitch and intensity in that crimson gaze made Stretch want to look away. He resisted, meeting that glare defiantly, even as he said, quietly, “If you stay long enough, leaving won’t be an option.”

Stretch only snorted, seriously, what was with this guy? “and you’re calling your brother a nut?”

He didn’t bother to answer that one, only swung around and pointed an accusing finger in Red’s direction. “This is on you, brother.”

Red only gave him that easy, sharky grin back. “always was.”

Stretch thought that was the end of it. The guy nodded shortly and started towards the door, brushing past Stretch to get to it and that was where he paused. He turned towards Stretch, those red eye lights moving over him searchingly. The end table with its returned lamp was at Stretch’s back, there was nowhere to go as Red’s brother loomed into his personal space, leaning in uncomfortably close, only inches away from Stretch’s collarbone as he sniffed delicately.

“Hm,” he said thoughtfully.

Stretch resisted the urge to give his armpits a testing sniff. “what?”

But he only drew away and gave Red another unreadable look. Red nodded once.

What. The. Fuck?

“Fine,” the guy sighed out. His hands curled into brief fists, sharpened fingertips pressed into his palms. “It’s your problem, brother, you deal with it.”

“don’t i always?”

“Perhaps with the least amount of property damage possible, if you don’t mind.” He gave Stretch another dismissive half-glance. “Now if you’ll excuse me, brother."

He turned and started to walk off and yeesh, even the way he walked caught the eye, damn, hate to see you leave, love to watch those hips go.

Down boy, Stretch told his libido. There was enough weird shit going on and he really didn’t need to take another hike down that path. Besides, with hot stuff constantly looking at him like something to be scraped off the bottom of his shoe, it wasn’t exactly opening the door for romance. He’d had his fill of assholes, a lifetime’s worth, and just case it might be a question, Stretch proved he was still an enormous idiot by calling to that leather-clad back, “didn’t catch your name.”

The guy didn’t even pause. “Then next time you should be a better hunter.”

With that he was out the apartment door. Stretch and Red stood there and listened to the cow bell jangling loudly, the door slamming, and then the roar of an engine speeding away.

Only then did Red speak again, with laconic ease, “if you’re done staring at my baby bro’s ass, y’can come eat with me.”

“i—" wasn’t, Stretch started to say, then shrugged. Busted. “don’t worry, i don’t think i’m his type.”

“don’t think too hard, gonna hurt yourself,” Red said, dry as a mouthful of sand. “what’s the problem, don’t think you got the right size font?”

“let’s not get into that, it’ll take too long,” Stretch tossed back. “and don’t take this the wrong way but your brother is a dick.”

“yeah,” Red said fondly, “ain’t he great? now, before you tried to light up my bro’s life, i was setting up for dinner. if you grab that bag, you can have some, too.”

Stretch followed where Red pointed with his cane to find an insulated bag sitting by the sofa, black because fuck knew Fonzie’s stunt double needed matching accessories. He lugged the bag along as he followed Red back down the hallway into the store, setting it on the counter while Red struggled into the chair. There were a couple of dusty bowls already sitting there next to the beers and Red gave them a cursory wipe with a rag of dubious cleanliness.

“my bro got his own place a while back,” Red unzipped the bag and pulled out a large ceramic casserole dish. “but he still drops off food for me coupla times a week. says that eating at ‘mama’s’ along with a double daily dose of mac and cheese ain’t healthy.”

Stretch watched, reluctantly intrigued. “he doesn’t stick around for dinner?”

“nah, my bro has kinda a special diet.” Red pulled the lid off and steam rose out, along with the gorgeous, rich smell of sinfully delicious food. Long greenish noodles drenched in some sort of glistening sauce with chunks of more green and purple veggies mixed in, and dusted with a heavy sprinkle of parmesan. Whatever it was, it wasn’t anything like what they brought to the table at Olive Garden.

Stretch inhaled deeply, his mouth already watering. “holy shit, he cooked this?”

“cooked it, hell,” Red spooned out portions, uncaring about the little drips that fell on the counter and pushing the first bowl over to Stretch. “he makes the pasta by hand. planted the veggies, too, like he’s fucking ol’ macdonald on his farm. he made that stew i gave ya the first night, too.”

Stretch barely heard him because he’d already taken his first bite and had he really thought Red’s brother looked sexy? He was wrong, totally wrong, because this was the sexy, this delectably orgasmic taste exploding across his tongue in a blend of garlic and vinaigrette, carried on perfectly al dente noodles mingling with the bright crunch of zucchini and beets. It was hard not to moan aloud as he chewed down that first bite and went back for another.

“is he single? i changed my mind, holy fuck, i’m gonna marry him and chain him to the stove,” Thoughtlessly said around a mouthful of deliciousness and Stretch winced as he realized what he said, “sorry, sorry, bad joke.”

Red only slurped up more noodles, teeth glistening with oil and the long strands flinging droplets of sauce as he sucked them in. “he’s single, but good luck putting a leash on him. go ahead, ask him out next time he stops by. i could use a good laugh, ‘cause, honey, you two hooking up would be a joke.”

Absurdly stung, Stretch shrugged and tried on a laugh, “hey, i’m a hell of a catch. gainfully employed and everything.”

“oh, yeah, you’re the seafood special, all right.” Red’s sharp teeth sheared easily through the noodles as he took another bite. “rebound fucks never work out, kid.”

“how did you—" Stretch stopped with a groan as Red raised both brow bones mockingly. He slumped back over his bowl, twirling up noodles on his fork. “yeah, yeah, handed that over with gift wrap.”

“yep, you did.” Red clapped Stretch on the shoulder with enough force to make him drop his fork. “the list of reasons people end up in the middle of nowhereville is pretty fucking short, kid, an’ you got that look. don’t worry ‘bout it, you got a place to stay here as long as you want.”

The unexpected kindness from Red of all people made him blink hard, but then, that wasn’t really giving him a fair shake, was it, not when he’d given Stretch a job to begin with and kept him semi-fed. “thanks.”

“don’t mention it, to anyone.” Red said dryly. He sucked down the last of the noodles and pushed the bowl away with a sigh. “gonna ruin my rep. make you a deal, air conditioning’s better down here. if you wanna watch tv in my place, y’can go ahead, if,” he stressed, “if ya call your brother. bet he’s out of his mind worried by now.”

“how—” Stretch shut his mouth hard enough for his teeth to click together. Red only looked serenely back, the chair creaking as he leaned back and laced his hands together over his middle. He looked away, not wanting to see what else might shine knowingly in those crimson eye lights. “i’ll text him.”

“good enough,” Red said agreeably. He pulled a can of beer off the plastic ring and popped it open, gulping some down and belching with mellow contentment. “where the fuck did you go earlier, i been waiting on these beers.”

Stretch’s bowl was empty and he ran a finger along the inside of it, licking away the smear of leftover sauce. “to see a movie.”

Red’s mouth opened in a silent ‘ah’. “didja say hi to doris?”

That was not what Stretch expected. “i…yes. you’ve seen her?” Stupid to think Red hadn’t, he’d been here for a long time, hard to believe he’d never stepped into the theater and any Monster with half a gram of sense would’ve noticed her.

“sure, loads of times,” Red said, confirming it. “sweet gal. don’t be offended if she don’t remember you right away, she’s gotta little problem with short term memory.” He pointed a finger at his temple and let his thumb drop like the hammer on a gun. “keep stoppin’ in and eventually you’ll stick. takes her a mo’ when i stop by, but she gets there.”

“good to know.” And it was. Any faint, stupid hurt that he wasn’t the first Monster in Doris’s unlife was a little eased by that tidbit. He probably would’ve been more upset if he went to see her again tomorrow and had to go through the intros again without it.

“okay, g’wan, get outta here,” Red shoved a beer in Stretch’s direction and waved him off. “just remember, wheel of fortune is on at 7.”

Stretch took the dirty bowls with him along with the serving dish, giving them a quick wash and setting them into Red’s already overflowing dish drainer. He spent the rest of the afternoon on the saggy sofa in the living room, watching reruns of ‘MASH’ and ‘Little House On the Prairie’ until Red closed shop for the Wheel.

That night Stretch had a strange dream. Vast trees towering over him and unstable ground beneath his feet. He stood in a puddle of ragged moonlight and when red eyes loomed out of the darkness, he met their stare and didn’t run. Not even when he saw the huge, dark shape that contained them, jagged white teeth in a gaping maw that gnashed and slavered, ready to consume him. The shape leapt at him and he couldn’t move, trapped by that gaze. He woke with a gasp before it landed, waking with a scream tangled up on his throat, clammy sheets sticking to his sweaty bones.

He lay for a moment on the thin mattress, catching his breath. His window was covered, had been since his second night here and he’d found an old blanket in his closet, tacked it up to keep out the blistering heat of the noontime sun. Now it kept out the midnight darkness and he didn’t even glance at it as he rolled to his feet and headed into the bathroom to splash cold water on his sweaty face.

He set both damp hands on the sides of the sink and looked at his dripping reflection. The only shadows in this room were the ones beneath his sockets. His skull was pale, his eye lights pinpricks of diffused white.

“liar,” he whispered to his reflection and watched as it whispered it silently back.

But that was one shipment of guilt he could offload right now.

Stretch shuffled back out and scooped his phone off the nightstand. He ignored the messages, the voicemails, and only tapped out a message of his own, hitting send before he could think of an excuse not to.

i’m okay, little brother, i’m safe. i’ll call soon.

It wasn’t a lie. Soon was relative, just like brothers.

He sank back down on his damp sheets and didn’t bother to turn out the lights.

tbc

[forged-through-trials]

I had a package to deliver back in Skingrad, so I paid it one last visit before continuing further East. On the way back, guess who we ran into? M’aiq The Liar: “M’aiq wishes he had a stick made out of fishies to give to you. Sadly, he does not.” Trials: Realization dawned. “Like, I see what you’re saying. The ‘fishy-sticks’ are symbolic of the violence inherent in the system. It grinds down the worker just like the meat of delicious fish is ground down into an inedible stick.” M’aiq The Liar: “...” Trials: “And like a school of fishes rising from the deeps, we need to unite and rise up against the ruling class! Before they crush us into indigestible bricks of processed foodstuffs.” M’aiq The Liar: He was visibly confused. “...lady, I’m just a meme-guy!” Trials: “No, no, you’re right, it’s time for the revolution to begin! We’ll cast down the false-leaders of the empire, as I certainly didn’t vote for them! Dismantle White Gold Tower brick by brick! And when they asked who inspired this uprising, I’ll be sure to tell them it was ‘M’aiq The Liar’.” M’aiq The Liar: “Please don--” Trials: “And when they cut your head off and put your it on a pike, I will be there to salute you, sir, for your sacrif--” I look up to realize I’m speaking to a vaguely M’aiq-shaped dust cloud, as the real M’aiq had already raced down the road. Trials: “...huh. Poor guy. Couldn’t handle the burden of leading the revolution.” [ M’aiq Count: 6 ]

After a while of hiking, we spotted the dig-site in the distance. A few tents, surrounded by trees, on a small island just inside of the river that feeds Niben Bay. Ruin and I drew in closer, and inspected the site. Up close the place was a marvel to behold; the huge trilobite fossil in particular was quite eye-catching. Surely it’s... thousands of years old? Uh, how old is our world? Like, I don’t have the most extensive history background, but the First era was only about three-thousand years long, and the Second Era was only about nine-hundred, and now we’re in the Third Era, and we’re only up to the year 433... I don’t know for sure how long the Dawn and Merithic Eras were, but if the pattern holds true, they were only a few thousand years long at most. Is that even enough time for something to turn into a fossil? Besides the huge “fossil”, the other sight of note was this... cocoon in a tent, dripping some very pungent slime. The smell was enough to make one gag, and I really wondered how the Archie-Guild assistants could stand to be around it. Whatever this stuff is, the guildies seemed to be collecting it. I wonder whatever for? Well, now that we’re here, step one was to speak to the Assistants and see what they had to say.

Assistant Azim: “Don’t you just love field work? The fresh open air... the camping under the starry sky...?” Trials: “The burning smell of whatever that slime is corroding your nose.” Assistant Azim: “Now if you ask me, there’re two reasons why Tumyr is out in the sticks--” Trials: “Is one of them; ‘He’s ducking Teav’s flirtatious advances’?” Assistant Azim: “...okay, three reasons. “But also, because he is a congenital practical joker. One who happens to like pranking his boss, Rythor. Tumyr’s got something against stuffy desk-work, so he used a soul gem on Rythor’s library, which somehow got them to talk in their authors’ voices. He claimed that he’d intended to use it as a tool so that they could provide a sort of commentary to the texts, but what they actually did was to moan constantly about anything that had bothered them in life. Bad backs, pet hates, personal insults, anything.” Trials: “Huh. I wonder what would happen if someone used a soul gem on my Tumble-Scroll?” Assistant Azim: “I think it would start complaining about the glacial pace you’ve been posting at, lately.” Trials: I pouted. “Hey, I get busy sometimes!” Assistant Azim: “And the other reason is that Tumyr is a Khajiit, and he just loves big, green open space.” Trials: I frowned at him. “Hey, that sounds like Profiling. Would you just go and assume that because I’m Argonian I like walking in the rain?” Ruin: “...Trials, you do like walking the rain.” Trials: “...okay, but he shouldn’t go assuming it! “But, hey, you seem to know all the gossip, so what’s the story with your founder, Solan? You all seem to speak about him with such reverence, but I haven’t heard much in the way of details.” Assistant Azim: “You want me to tell you about Solan? Okay, but I don’t know any more than the rest of us about our great founder and pioneer. “Solan originally came from Hammerfell, where his family had been embroiled in the war of Betonys--” Trials: “Zzzzzz...!” Muttering in my sleep. “M-metal gear... grumble-grunt...” Ruin: “Uh, try to go easy on the politics. It puts her to sleep.” Assistant Azim: “...” He sighed slapped me to wake me up. Trials: My face still stinging. “L-Liquid!” Assistant Azim: He rolled his eyes before continuing. “Solan regards people as the keepers of sacred knowledge, and felt that everyone held some special part of Tamriels history in their souls. Trials: “I think my soul holds all of Cyrodiil’s memes!” Assistant Azim: “As such, he was a fanatical humanist, whose sense of charity and reverence of the people earned him the nickname of ‘Solan the Baptist’.” Trials: “...what the heck is a ‘baptist’?” Assistant Azim: “They dunk your head under water while saying prayers and blessings to the divines.” Trials: “I see! Well, next time I’ll be sure to threaten to ‘baptize’ Sova when she gets sassy.” Assistant Azim: “I don’t think she would appreciate that.” Trials: “I’ll just throw in some ancient Alyeid gods and she could call it ‘research’.”

The other assistant on duty here was “Assistant Quovi.” I spoke to her next, as she dusted grit and minerals off of the trilobite fossil. She didn’t have much to say, save to gossip about her superiors at the Archeology Guild. Did you know that Aster Cei is married to a Khajiit? Not one of the Southern city-dwellers, either, but a well-connected and hot-tempered lass from one of the nomadic tribes. Sova, meanwhile, was Born with a Silver Spoon in her mouth, as her snooty attitude might have suggested. Hailing from Skywatch in the Summnerset isles, she enraptured the court there from an early age. She saw the digs over here in Cyrodiil as beneath her, and took time to adjust to it. And she’s not too keen on Nords, Orcs, or... hired goons. Trials: “Hired Goons?” Assistant Quovi: “Don’t pay her too much mind. I hear that Rythor actually prefers the personal touch you only get with Hired Goons.” “Anyway, Sova’s not so bad. Once you get used to bowing to her every morning.”

Finally it was time to enter the big tent, and speak to the Khajiit himself. Gotta say, for someone who loves the great outdoors, his tent sure has a lot of hard-to-transport amenities. I understand that books on paleontology might be important for his work, but the mental image of him carefully arranging his bookshelf every time they make a new camp amused me. Tumyr: “Hello? And who might you be?” Trials: “Hey, I’m ‘Forged-Through-Trials,’ and he’s ‘Ruined-Tail.’ We’re new hires.” Ruin: “A pleasure.” Tumyr: “Really? So nice to meet you. I’m ‘Tumry,’ resident paleontologist.” Trials: “Anyway, we swung by because Teav needs a vial of your famous Dissolving Agent.” Tumyr: “Ah, poor timing, I’m afraid. I’ve run dry of the stuff, for the moment. Used it all to dig out that Ampryx out there.” Trials: “Oh, you mean, the trilobite?” Tumyr: “Yes. It’s a new species I just discovered, so I get to name it. I’ve dubbed it ‘Ampyx Adapsys’.” Trials: “Fascinating stuff, really, but--” Tumyr: “Slithering along the coastline, filter feeding on sand, their chitin exoskeleton and long spines helped protect them from ambush predators.” Trials: I rolled my eyes. “Listen, Tumyr The Science-Guy, we’re here about the Dissolving Agent. If you’re all out, where or when can we get more?” Tumyr: “Oh, making more? That’s easily done, so long as you’ve got the sliiiiiiiime.” Trials: I made a face at him. “Eww, I don’t like how you said ‘slime’. You make it sound vaguely carnal.” Ruin: He visibly paled. “...well, there’s a mental imagine I’m going to be trying to flush for the rest of the day.” Trials: “You and me both, bruh.” Tumyr: He pouted. “I’m just talking about the stuff that leaks from the cocoon I have outside. It’s the active ingredient in my Dissolving Agent. You just mix it with five Green Stain Cup Caps and you have one vial of the agent.” Trials: “...what a coincidence! I happen have five Green Stain Cup Caps right here.” I passed him the Cup Caps. “It’s almost like... there is someone outside of the Aubris who has experienced all of this before and is guiding my actions, or something.”

Tumyr: He blinked in confusion. “...what... is she looking at?” Ruin: He simply shrugged. Tumry: “...” He shook his head, and passed the finished Dissolving Agent to Ruin. “I think I’d better trust this to you.”

Fast forward past a short hike back toward the Archie-Guild castle, and Ruin and I were back and speaking to Teav. Ruin passed him the Dissolving Agent, which delighted Teav, who assured us that after some careful preparation, he could begin to carefully remove the contamination and corrosion obscuring the Metallic Shard’s Inner Matrix to further study the artifact. Teav: “I’ve also got some good news for you. Rythor, our Headmaster, has returned from his expedition. I’ve already put in a good word for you.” Trials: “Aww, thanks! I appreciate your doing that for me.” Teav: “You deserve it. Weird as you are sometimes, you do get the job done. Rythor has told me he’d like to meet you in person. You can find him in the Library.”

A hop, skip and jump later, and we’d found the Library. As you might imagine for the library owned by a bunch of nerds, the place was huge, and filled wall to wall with books... and a giant dragon skull. Gotta say, it’s an effective conversation-starter. Which, given the story Assistant Azim told me about Tumyr’s prank, getting a conversation started isn’t the problem. It’s getting the books to shut up! Book Written by Pelagius III: “And I’ll go into people’s houses at night and wreck up the place!” Dragon Skull: “Well, he’s lost my vote.” Rythor: Obviously irate. “Shut up, both of you! I’m going to kill Tumyr the next time I see him.” He finally noticed Ruin and I, and offered a wave, his demeanor changing immediately. “Greetings. You must be the new recruit I’ve heard so much about.” Trials: “IDidn’tDoEet! Except for the cool stuff. That I did the hell out of!” Rhythor: “...” He straightened his robes anxiously. “Well, I’ve mostly heard only the cool stuff. “I’m ‘Kal Rythor,’ Archeology Guild Headmaster. Teav tells me you’ve done a fine job clearing out that Spire. Given the decent job you did there, and our clear, dire need for some muscle, I’m making you the guild’s official ‘Enforcer.’ You’re now a permanent member, responsible for clearing any hurdles we may run into.” Trials: “Huh. ‘Enforcer’? Makes me sound like a bouncers, or like one of those Made Mer from the Camonna Tong. You’re not gonna send me to go make offers people can’t refuse, are ya?” Rythor: “...” He smiled knowingly. “Funny you should mention that...” Ruin: He frowned thoughtfully. “Oh, here we go.” Rythor: “On the expedition I just returned from, we’d found another Spire, similar to the one you just cleared. There’s more than just one!” Trials: “Well, need me to go in and clear that one out, too?” Rythor: “Not unless you’re into lawn-care. The problem there isn’t monsters, it’s that it’s overgrown with nearly impenetrable vines. There is, however, a nearby mine that burrows deep into the same mountain. “This is where you come in. I need you to speak with the Mine Foreman down there, help him see the virtue of our cause, and convince him to dig a tunnel into the Antechamber.” Trials: “...I feel like cutting through vines would be a lot easier than tunneling through solid rock.” Rythor: “You’d think that, but Cyrodiilic vines are so tough it takes a literal act of god to move them. “Now, go convince those minders to dig that tunnel for us.” Trials: “And what if they refuse?” Rythor: “Then convince your fist to make friends with their noses until they agree.” Trials: Flabbergasted. “...wow! Is that really necessary? I mean, they’re not Sova.” Rythor: “If it comes to it. Meanwhile, I’m going to lead an excavation effort at the Spire you’ve just cleared. “Godspeed, my Enforcer.”

[tiberiusjeffersonkippen]

Dancing for You

Here’s chapter two! Thanks to everyone who liked the beginning! Here’s the AO3 link.

Summary: As Cyrus prepares a dance for his high school’s talent show, he finds himself entangled in a new friendship with none other than TJ Kippen, Grant High School’s resident jock. Only good things can come from new friends…right?

Words: 2087

Chapter 2

“Good morning Grant High!” The voice of Grant’s principal, Mr. Hayes, rang out from the loudspeaker. Although he usually paid attention to the announcements (unlike most of his peers), Cyrus could barely even keep his eyes open. He was really tired out from the talent show, and he almost overslept. He listened to the announcements as best he could, but his “best” ended up being falling half-asleep for everything but the very first and very last announcements. He zoned back in just as Mr. Hayes finished with “And please go vote for all of our very talented students who performed last night! Videos and the ballot can be found on the school’s website!”

“Does he not understand that you literally can not vote for ‘all’ of the performers?” sniggered Buffy, who sat next to Cyrus in first period Spanish.

“Oh, you know Mr. Hayes,” said Cyrus as he yawned. He really needed to get more sleep. “Besides, it’s a nice gesture, right?”

“You’re too nice, Cyrus.”

“Well someone has to stick up for the guy. All everyone ever does it makes fun of him.”

“Principal’s pet,” teased Buffy.

“Whatever. Let’s get down to business before Senora Gonzalez yells at us.”

Cyrus drifted through school as a zombie. He was probably going to have to relearn everything he was taught that day, but he was too exhausted to care. His math teacher even noticed that he was more tired than she’d ever seen him! After almost running into several people in the hallway (including one who Cyrus swore didn’t even go to Grant), Cyrus somehow got himself to history on time. Granted, he was literally the last person to arrive when he was usually one of the first, but Cyrus was willing to count it as a win. Unfortunately for him, someone had decided to appropriate his typical seat (which was the best one in the entire room, if you asked Cyrus), leaving the only open seat at the end of the last row, next to TJ Kippen. Cyrus groaned, but he couldn’t help but be somewhat satisfied with the temporary change. As much as he hated the back row, Cyrus was dying to have another conversation with TJ, and, more importantly, find out what the heck ‘Underdog’ meant.

However, before Cyrus could even open his mouth to ask TJ, Mr. Forbes started class. ‘That’s right,’ thought Cyrus. ‘I’m not as early as I usually am, so I don’t have time to chit-chat like I usually do.’

“Good morning class! I hope you all got the chance to go see the talent show last night! Let me tell you, Grant has some very talented students! In fact, we even have a very skilled dancer in this class! Our own Cyrus Goodman killed it last night!”

“Thanks,” Cyrus mumbled while the entire class turned to look at him. He really did not need the entire class to be very aware of his dancing abilities. Sure, he did decide to go and dance in front of hundreds of his peers, but he didn’t expect any of them to talk to him about it. Now, Mr. Forbes was practically inviting them to! Although, Cyrus supposed, he already had someone talk to him about it. TJ. In the bathroom of the Spoon.

Speaking of TJ, when Cyrus glanced over at him, he found a very soft and a very not-intimidating TJ staring back, before he shuddered and looked away. Cyrus was really going to have to interrogate him later.

“Anyway, we are going to begin our decades projects today! Now, they won’t be due until about a month after the AP test (which let me remind you is in three weeks!), but I wanted to give you guys ample time to come up with great ideas! This will be a partner project, so I’ll give you guys some time to pick partners after I’ve explained the entire project.”

Anxiety spiked through Cyrus. None of his friends were in this class! He looked over each of his classmates. Steph would pair up with Katie, Andrew would go with Victoria, Alex and Oscar would probably work together, Kira was too bossy and too much of a perfectionist, and Reed was too much of a dumbass (Cyrus wasn’t even sure how he got into AP US). Maybe he could work with Leo? His locker was right next to Cyrus’s, and he always seemed nice.

“So, without any further ado, I release you to the Battle Royale that is the picking of project partners!” announced Mr. Forbes (ever the dramatist), and the chaos began.

Cyrus stood up and started to make a beeline for Leo, but then TJ knocked over the tall pile of papers and folders that was sitting on Cyrus’s desk. By the time he finished cleaning everything up, Lester had already claimed Leo, and everyone one else had partnered up. Except for TJ.

“Guess we’re stuck together, huh?” said TJ, although he didn’t seem to be too disappointed about it.

“I guess so,” said Cyrus as he sat back down. Since he was already sitting next to TJ, there was no need to move to another spot.

“Kippen and Goodman? There’s a pair I never thought I’d see,” said Mr. Forbes while he wrote their names down next to a decade. “You two will have the 80s. Don’t mess it up! I am entrusting you with the decade of my youth!”

“Forbes is such a dork,” TJ said after their teacher walked away to assign decades to the other groups.

“I know, but it’s sweet. What other teacher is willing to be that goofy with their students?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” TJ paused a moment before a grin broke out on his face. “Did you watch those videos of him that Reed found?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you in the groupchat?” After Cyrus shook his head no, TJ continued “Oh, give me your number and I’ll add you. Anyway, there are these videos of him on YouTube where he’s telling stories. One of them is about him selling all of his belongings and going backpacking across Europe.”

“There is no way he actually did that.”

“I dunno, he does have that glimmer in his eyes…” TJ’s sentence drifted off and they both started at their teacher for a moment before Cyrus brought them back to the task at hand.

“Well, I guess we should get started.”

“Yeah, I guess.” A beat passed. “So,” TJ continued, “Do you have any idea what we should get started on?”

“Not really? Brainstorming is probably the place to start, and I don’t know about you, but personally, I think my brain is feeling pretty calm right now.” Cyrus was expecting a response, and he got one, but not in the form he thought he would get. Instead of using his words, like, y’know, any decent person, TJ started laughing.

‘Great,’ though Cyrus. ‘He’s finally come to his senses and realized what a joke this is and now he’ll try to weasel out of being my partner, which is perfectly fine by me because I probably would’ve ended doing it all anyw-’

“That’s a good one, Underdog,” TJ said, (quite rudely) interrupting Cyrus’s inner monologue. “Mind if I use it?”

“Wait, you mean you weren’t just laughing at me?”

“What? I was laughing at what you said, not at you.”

“Oh,” Cyrus swallowed. “Well, how stormy is your brain feeling right now?”

“I’d said pretty stormy.” TJ grinned, but Cyrus could just barely hear TJ add an “as always” onto the end of his statement. As much as Cyrus would have loved to dive into what TJ meant, he decided against it. If TJ did in fact not hate him (which seemed to be the case), Cyrus was not about to go and ruin it.

“I guess we can get started with that then?” he said instead.

“Sound like a plan.”

Twenty minutes and more than a couple of pieces of paper later, TJ and Cyrus had come up with approximately one hundred million ideas, none of them very good.

“What even happened in the 80s?” groaned TJ as he crumpled up another piece of paper and expertly shot it into the trash can.

“Three minutes twenty-three seconds to three minutes thirty-four seconds,” said Cyrus.

“Huh?”

“‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’ You know, where it goes ‘Wheel of fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide/foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz/hypodermics on the shore, China’s under martial law/Rock and Roller coaster wars’? It happens between three minutes and twenty-three seconds and three minutes and thirty seconds.”

“One, how the fuck do you know that? Two, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?!”

“I thought it would be valuable information when I was like 12.”

“Seriously? You have got to be the most interesting person I know, Underdog.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m that interesting. And what’s with that nickname? That’s like the third time you’ve called me ‘Underdog.’”

Before TJ could answer, the bell rung. “I’ll keep trying to come up with ideas!” he called as he went out the door. “I’ll let you know if I think of any good ones!”

“You guys are NOT going to believe this!” Cyrus said, sitting down with at his lunch table.

“What is it, Cy? Did they overstock chocolate chocolate muffins and are giving the extras away for free?” responded Buffy.

“Haha, very funny.”

“What? 9 times out of 10, when you are yelling in the cafeteria, it’s about those damn muffins!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“While I am sure that that would be a very entertaining argument to listen to for twenty minutes, I want to know what Cyrus was going to tell us,” interrupted Andi.

“Oh! So you know how I had that conversation with TJ Kippen yesterday?” said Cyrus.

“Yeah, did you ever figure out what that was all about? And the whole ‘Underdog’ thing?” said Jonah.

“I’ll get to that. So today Mr. Forbes has us pick partners for the decades project. And somehow I ended up being partners with TJ! And for some reason he seems happy about this! And then he called me Underdog again, like twice!”

“I’m starting to wonder what exactly his motives are,” said Buffy.

“Me too! But don’t you think he would’ve just shoved me or something if he wanted to mess with me? It’s so much easier than being forced to spend time with me.”

“Maybe he just wants to get a good grade on the assignment?” suggested Andi.

“Maybe,” said Cyrus.

“Speak of the devil,” muttered Buffy, and, before he could ask what she meant, Cyrus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face a grinning Kippen.

“Hey! I just has an absolutely amazing idea for our project!” TJ said excitedly.

“Well? What is it!” responded Cyrus.

“So you know how you were talking about that one section of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ that’s about the 80s? What if we rewrote it be entirely about that decade!”

“Hmm, an iconic song filled with events of an iconic decade? I think that’s a great idea! We’d probably have to write a more detailed explanation and analysis about the events, but it would definitely work!”

“Awesome! I guess we can figure out when to get together and work on it tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan! See you in history!”

“See ya in history!”

When Cyrus turned back around to continue his lunch and conversation with his friends, he was met with a couple of shit-eating grins.

“What?” he asked.

“You seemed a little enthusiastic about that exchange,” teased Andi.

“Yeah, I could literally hear the exclamation points at the ends of your sentences,” added Buffy.

“What are you guys talking about?” asked Cyrus.

“They’re talking about how you obviously like TJ,” said Jonah without looking up from his phone.

After a beat of shocked silence from the others at the table, Jonah looked up. “What? I’m not as oblivious as you all think I am,” he said, and laughter erupted from the table.

“But seriously,” said Buffy as she tried to suppress giggles, “you so totally like him!”

“I so totally do not!”

“Okay…” said Buffy, and they all went back to eating their lunches.

“Oh, hi TJ!” said Andi.

“TJ?” Cyrus whipped around, but TJ was nowhere to be seen. Andi and Buffy, however, were giggling uncontrollably behind him.

“Yep, you don’t like him at all,” said Andi.

“Oh, shut up.”

[patriotsnet]

How Many Registered Republicans In Pa

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/how-many-registered-republicans-in-pa/

How Many Registered Republicans In Pa

The Numbers Bear Out The Dominance Of The Democrats

Republicans Gain Statewide And Locally In Voter Registration

According to gallup.com about 42% of voters claim to be independents. Nationally, the democratic advantage in the party registration states approaches 12 million. Many other republicans, as noted, lean in either the conservative or highly religious direction. Overall, targetsmart found that 42.6 percent of the new voters registered this year lean democratic, and only 29 percent lean republican . There are about twice as many registered democrats living in passaic county than republicans. The counties with the 10 highest percentages of democratic party, republican party, and no party preference registered voters are: the percentage of voters registered with the republican party decreased from 27.1% to 24.0%. 4,600 fewer republicans after the riot. In the week from jan. Currently, republicans have 51 seats, and democrats have 47 with two races still undecided. The biggest spikes in republicans leaving the party came in the days after jan. Their partisan affiliation was roughly split between three groups: Gallup.com says 31% of voters are democrats.

How The Gop Could Win Pennsylvania

Hello, party leaders, potential candidates, lifelong donors, and long-suffering base voters. Its me, the guy who constantly asks about Pennsylvania. The guy who drives people to muting me on Twitter because I wont stop talking about Pennsylvania. Who is already showing flashcards of Collar Counties to his seven-week-old son.

Recently, I received an email from a follower of the Decision Desk, the gist of which was asking me, yes or no, do I really believe the Keystone State is winnable.

Well, heres my answer: Yes.

Yes, this state, which hasnt gone for a Republican president since H.W. Bush in 1988, is absolutely winnable. But not for the reasons often cited . In fact, the thing has driven me along in my obsessive quest for the great beast east of Ohio is an article Nate Cohn, now with The New York Times, but then with The New Republic, wrote on the eve of the 2012 election: Romney has a problem in Pennsylvania: Math. This passage, in particular, has stuck with me for three years:

Its easy to understand why Romney would invest in Pennsylvania.;Like Missouri or North Carolina for Democrats, Pennsylvania is what I call a spreadsheet state. When you start plugging in favorable numbers for the traditionally disadvantaged party, its too easy to get up to 48 percent of the vote, or even more. But those final hundred thousand votes are incredibly difficult and require something extraordinary.

Illinois: Error Registered A Possible 545 Noncitizen Voters

CHICAGO An error in Illinois new automatic voter registration system led to a possible 545 non-U.S. citizens being registered to vote, 15 of whom cast ballots, state officials publicly acknowledged this week.

Illinois Secretary of State Jesse Whites office, which oversees drivers licenses, said the data of 574 people who self-identified as non-citizens was erroneously forwarded to elections officials to be registered to vote. Election officials confirmed Tuesday that 545 of them were ultimately registered.

It was a computer error, White spokesman Dave Druker said Tuesday. We moved to correct it and contacted people involved.

As Illinois Republicans called for an immediate hearing over a serious breach of voter protections, election officials worked to determine how many of the registrations were indeed invalid. Over 150 registrations had been canceled, said State Board of Elections spokesman Matt Dietrich.

Dietrich said it was possible some people indicated that they werent citizens by mistake. When Illinois residents get standard drivers licenses, they have to confirm they meet the criteria to vote, certifying they are 18 and a U.S. citizen. Only those who meet the criteria are supposed to be sent to election officials for registration.

The 15 people cast 19 ballots in elections in 2018 and 2019.

It was not immediately unclear what would happen to the individuals.

Follow Sophia Tareen on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sophiatareen.

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The Secret Is Unregistered Voters

So is there a path to winning the Keystone? As I said before, yes. The secret lies not with the current number of registered voters, where Democrats dwarf Republicans by a cool million, but in the number of citizens of voting age not registered. Finding them and goading them into registering wont be easy, but they arent a rare breed: per current registration figures provided by the Department of State, and the Census estimate of current voting-age population, there are more than 1.6 million such untapped voters residing here. Heck, some of them may have already registered once before, but it lapsed.

Attesting to the sheer power of that Democratic voter drive that started a decade ago, only 14 percent of them reside in Philadelphia or Allegheny County. A clear majority, 62 percent to 38 percent, of this untapped mass resides in counties that went to Romney. I broke down the numbers and converted it into a simple diagram, where the counties have been re-sized according to how big a share of the untapped vote they account for:

As A Successful Republican New Mexico Governor 2016 Libertarian Party Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson Pronounced That He Had Slashed Taxes More Than A Dozen Times Balanced The There Are Many On The Left Who Support The Libertarian Partys Proposals To Legalize The Liberal Use Of Marijuana

39.66 percent of voters are registered with that party. The most recent poll at the time of writing gives a d+11 advantage. Even if youd rather not commit to any particular party, you may find yourself wishing to support a specific democrat candidate when primaries come around. Once you know which party you belong to, it will be easier to decide which candidates to vote for during elections. This quiz will ask you questions about your political beliefs. However, registered republicans outnumber democrats in six of the states 21 counties, and there several other counties that are pretty evenly split. Over 60% of black voters are registered democrats compared to just 3% that are registered in surveys, more than half of seattle voters identified as democrat or leaning democratic. The answer may surprise you. Are you a democrat or a republican? Are there more democrats or republicans who top that list? The election of 2010 gave republicans the majority beginning in january, 2011. These are broadly generalized opinions; There are still way more registered democrats;

The election of 2010 gave republicans the majority beginning in january, 2011. Hello and thank you for registering. It was a more natural association. related: Are there more democrats or republicans who top that list? The republican party has waxed and waned in popularity and membership over the years, never quite having as many registered partisans as the democrats.

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Republicans Had Been Making Voter Registration Gains On Democrats In Pennsylvania For Years Stats Show 2020 May Have Changed That

PENNSYLVANIA Fraught with turmoil, judicial anxieties, violence, and uncertainties which shook democracy to its core, the 2020 election season in Pennsylvania was unlike any other in history.

And the fallout from the events of the past few months is only just beginning to unfold, with repercussions likely to be felt for years to come.

While it’s too early to tell exactly what will happen to the Republican Party after President Donald Trump’s loss, a glimpse at shifting voter registration patterns provides a glimpse at how the electorate is responding to recent events.

Democrats Have Been Getting Out There

Committed partisans are the most reliable participants in elections, and often vote more than 90 percent of the time with their stated party. Independents, on the other hand, are mostly lying , and when truly independent, are incredibly unreliable as a bloc from cycle to cycle. If they are the true pox on both houses types, and that terribly undecided, they may not even bother to vote. To win a major election, greater emphasis must be placed on finding, registering, contacting, and turning out new voters.

This is exactly what Democrats did throughout the country after 2004, and they certainly gave Pennsylvania a good one-over. From 2000 to 2014, Democratic and third-party efforts tipped the scales of registration even further to the Left, expanding the blue teams edge over Republicans by almost 650,000 voters. President Obama received more votes in 2012 than Sen. John Kerry did eight years prior, even with a drop-off from his 2008 high, a testament to his teams incredible turnout operation.

Despite that sizable shift, the actual impact on elections from 2000 to 2012 was miniscule: the presidents margin in the Keystone in 2012 was only about 105,000 votes wider than Gores had been. How does his performance over Gores stack up with other states he carried?

In Virginia, the margin swung by over 379,000 from 2000. In Colorado, 283,000. Wisconsin, 218,000. Iowa, 88,000. Nevada, 89,000.

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It’s Always Blue In Philadelphia And It’s Getting Bluer

There’s been a saying for decades that you can’t win Pennsylvania without winning the Philadelphia suburbs. Trump proved that untrue, at least for one year, when he won in 2016 without winning Philadelphia and its suburbs.

But the old adage became;true again in 2018, when a five-county region in southeastern Pennsylvania sent a record number of women to U.S. Congress and state offices.;

In 2019, history was made again. Democrats were elected to all five seats on the Delaware County Council, which had been held by a majority of Republicans since the Civil War. That same year, Democrats won the Board of Commissioners in Bucks County for the first time since 1983.;

This year could yield a record Democratic turnout in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Bucks, Chester and Delaware counties. As of Monday, the five-county region had added 75,574 more registered Democrats than in 2016. The biggest increase was an addition of 20,214 Democrats in Montgomery County since the last presidential election.;

In the same time period, the region has shed 31,384 Republicans from its voting rolls. The biggest loss was in Delaware County, where there are 16,981 fewer Republicans than in 2016.;

Past Jumps In Party Affiliations

Republicans In Pennsylvania Changing Party Registration Following Deadly Insurrection At US Capitol

The bump in Democratic affiliation following Bidens inauguration mirrors that of former President Barack Obamas first term, Jones said.

That was really the high point that weve seen; kind of the 2006-2009 period, when really the majority of Americans either identified as Democrats outright or were independents but they leaned toward the party, he said.;Our data on this only goes back to the 90s, but its pretty much the only time we consistently had one party with the majority of Americans on their side.

Republican advantages, though rarer and more short-lived, followed the Gulf War in 1991 when George H.W. Bush was in office and the 9/11 terrorist attacks during President George W. Bushs term, according to Gallup. More people also reported GOP affiliation after the 1994, 2010 and 2014 midterm elections.

Whether the Republican Party can regain advantage during the 2022 midterm elections may rely on the successes of the Biden administration, according to Jones.

A lot of it is going to depend on how things go over the course of the year. If things get better with the coronavirus and the economy bounces back and a lot of people expect Biden can keep relatively strong approval ratings, then that will be better for the Democrats, Jones said.;But if things start to get worse unemployment goes up or coronavirus gets worse; then his approval is going to go down. Its going to make things a lot better for the Republican Party for the midterm next year.

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Are You Surrounded By Democrats Or Republicans How Jersey Breaks Red And Blue In All 21 Counties

Here is a county-by-county breakdown of which political party rules in each of New Jerseys 21 counties and how much each party gained since this time last year.

New Jersey is a Democratic-leaning state, and its getting bluer by the month.

Democrats have registered voters at a faster pace than Republicans in the Garden State. But the GOP still maintains pockets of control in some counties.

Republicans are outnumbered by registered Democrats by nearly 1 million people , according to the latest statistics from the states Division of Elections. As of the end of September, New Jersey had 2,307,937 registered Democrats and 1,331,102 Republicans.

Over the past year, Democrats added more than double the number of registered voters compared to the GOP , according to the data.

However, registered Republicans outnumber Democrats in six of the states 21 counties, and there are a few other counties that are pretty evenly split. Also, Republicans out registered the number of new Democrats in six counties from this time last year, including in three counties where the number of Ds outweigh the Rs.

The largest number of New Jersey voters 2,378,040 to be exact have not formally claimed any party affiliation.

Twelve years ago, Democrats had a 290,000 vote plurality over registered Republicans statewide, said Ben Dworkin, director of Rowan Universitys Institute for Public Policy and Citizenship.

There Are 644835 Inactive Voters In Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania could rock;the vote a little harder.

There are 644,835 inactive voters in the state, including 418,777 inactive Democrats and 226,058 inactive Republicans, according to voter registration records.

The state defines an inactive voter as someone who has not voted in five years or has moved and not registered to vote in their new Pennsylvania county.

Think of a Penn State football game. Imagine a sellout crowd at Beaver Stadium. Multiply it by 6. Add 5,403 more people. That’s how many registered voters in Pennsylvania;are not actually voting.;

That includes 80,862 voters in southcentral Pennsylvania throughout Adams, Cumberland, Dauphin, Franklin, Lancaster, Lebanon and York Counties.;

A closer look:;

Lancaster County: 20,040 inactive voters

Cumberland County: 18,662 inactive voters

York County: 16,926 inactive voters

Dauphin County: 12,508 inactive voters

Franklin County: 5,282 inactive voters

Adams County: 3,943 inactive voters

Lebanon County: 3,501 inactive voters

While those numbers pale in comparison to the more than 6.6 million active voters in Pennsylvania, every vote matters; especially in a battleground state. The 644,835 inactive voters here could easily decide the election.;

Remember, in 2016, it was 44,000 votes that decided the winner.;

The USA Today Network is working to register every voter, make it easy for voters to check their registration and find their polling place. You can find all of that here.;

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We Dont Know How Many Mail Ballots Wont Count

Under state law, counties can only accept mail ballots that arrive by 8 p.m. on Election Day. But last fall, anticipating unprecedented voting by mail and U.S. Postal Service delays, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled officials could count ballots that arrived up to three days after the election.

That grace period is gone, and ballots had to arrive at county election offices by 8 p.m. Tuesday to count. Its too soon to say how many ballots will come in after that deadline, but in last years general election about 10,000 ballots arrived during that three-day period.

Most Counties Finished Counting Mail Ballots Tuesday Night

The states universal mail voting law gave Pennsylvanians a new way to cast a ballot in 2020, but it also put increased pressure on county election offices. Local officials repeatedly pleaded with lawmakers to pass a bill giving them time before Election Day to begin processing, or pre-canvassing, these ballots.

But in the end, no such change was made, and it took some counties days to get through millions of ballots, giving former President Donald Trump a window to falsely claim the election was stolen from him.

County election departments once again couldnt start processing mail ballots until 7 a.m. Tuesday, but many were able to count most or all of their mail ballots by the time polls closed, thanks to low turnout.

Some counties, including Beaver and Monroe, chose not to begin counting mail ballots until Wednesday, with election officials saying they wanted their staff to focus on running the in-person election.

Mercer County Election Director Thad Hall said his staff will count the countys approximately 4,000 ballots Wednesday and conduct an audit by hand with the two major political parties on Friday.

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Poring Over Party Registration

This is not the best of times for the Democratic Party. No White House; no Senate; no House of Representatives; and a clear minority of governorships and state legislatures in their possession. Yet the Democrats approach this falls midterm elections with an advantage in one key aspect of the political process their strength in states where voters register by party.

Altogether, there are 31 states with party registration; in the others, such as Virginia, voters register without reference to party. Among the party registration states are some of the nations most populous: California, New York, Florida, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Arizona, and Massachusetts.

The basic facts: In 19 states and the District, there are more registered Democrats than Republicans. In 12 states, there are more registered Republicans than Democrats. In aggregate, 40% of all voters in party registration states are Democrats, 29% are Republicans, and 28% are independents. Nationally, the Democratic advantage in the party registration states approaches 12 million.

Still, Republican Donald Trump found a route to victory in 2016 that went through the party registration states. He scored a near sweep of those where there were more Republicans than Democrats, winning 11 of the 12, while also taking six of the 19 states where there were more Democrats than Republicans a group that included the pivotal battleground states of Florida, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania.

At Least 60 Afghans And 13 Us Service Members Killed By Suicide Bombers And Gunmen Outside Kabul Airport: Us Officials

Two suicide bombers and gunmen attacked crowds of Afghans flocking to Kabuls airport Thursday, transforming a scene of desperation into one of horror in the waning days of an airlift for those fleeing the Taliban takeover. At least 60 Afghans and 13 U.S. troops were killed, Afghan and U.S. officials said.

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[iheartarrow]

Random Arrow thoughts

Ok, I'm freaking out a little bit... Someone, pinch me... IS THIS REAL?! This episode of Arrow came straight out of fanfiction. It is too good to be true... yet it is... true... I am overwhelmed and befuddled and feel like a lost puppy right now. Because in this season (especially in 6x03 and6x04), Arrow is apparently, granting wishes and many fantasies of mine have become canon.  No one has ever preparedme for this, this is why I'm freaking out, cuz what's next?!...

I know that the other shoe is gonna drop soon enough, and this bliss cannot last forever, that's just the way TVland works, and also, it's Arrow, our heroes can never be absolutely happy for too long, there has to be conflict to further the story along. And the formula is simple - the happier it is in the beginning, the worse it's gonna be later (before it gets better again). So I do know I have to prepare myself for the shit that's about to hit Olicity in a few episodes, probably after the crossover.

Anyhow, going back to 6x04, here are some of my thoughts during this episode..

- It should have been named "Let's get it on..." instead, LOL. How many times did they try to have desert and were interrupted?! Blue balls won't look good on Oliver, Arrow, have mercy!

- The episode opened with a "date", or more like a hookup, BS style. I gotta say, I liked the wig. Blonde Laurel looks like a bitch, brunette Laurel looks wickedly nefarious. I liked that, but why did she need a wig at all, this puzzled me? Or does she think, she looks more attractive to men with dark hair?! What was the purpose of that wig? Not to be recognized?! Well, then she kills people left and right with blond hair, so that's not it, right?!... Oh, I get it... KC wore the wig for the element of surprise, so the fanboys would guess her by her back and pee their pants happy that their beloved BS is back (or should I say, KC is back, cuz their fascination with her, that I will never understand, has become like a cult following). Anyways, this is done for one purpose alone. BS always likes to make a scene with her entrance (yes, she's a bit of an attention whore, didn't you know?!), this time they figured a wig will do the job for her as a "surprise" element. Whatever...

Arrow is already being redundant with BS, considering she's not even close to being the main villain, has no agency of her own and is just another mercenary for hire. As the guys from Slander Ent. pointed out, she's a glorified lackey. Arrow hyped KC's return to Arrow as a villain, so much, but the pay off doesn't match the hype so far. BS's storyline resembles that of LL already. Either give her some interesting storyline, or get rid of her like you did with Laurel. I liked BS at first, but the more I watch her (and as often as I watch her), the more she starts to suck, because there's no moving forward with her story, she becomes a stale character, just like LL had become, before they had to kill her off. Though, in this episode she didn't suck that much, and her fighting improved (though it was Katie's double who gets the credit, the fight scenes were so darkened out, so you cannot tell the double and the actual actor apart, but it was still too obvious Arrow, you cannot fool me). I feel like I have to make my peace with BS the way she is and not expect her to progress. She's here as an eye candy for the fanboys, a consolation prize anyways. But as she still is a  small part of Arrow's overall story, I would expect the show to have learnt their mistakes with Laurel (and KC) from the first time around, and not repeat them with BS.

- Oliver and Felicity's date... I think now I know why Felicity calls BS "evil Laurel", because of her timing.  Girl, couldn't you murder that poor sap some other time? William picked out the tie and wanted to go to dinner with Felicity, too... Awww, that's so adorable. And yep, the  mini-Oliver totally has a crush on his father's girl. I love the relationship Arrow is building between the three  of them! Oliver remembering that it's been three years since they had their first date... Squeee!!! "Don't jinx it!" LOL.

You know, I like that Oliver is still a bit nervous on their date. It's a good kind of nervous. He talks about not  having been ready for their relationship then, not like he is now. This tells me that he knows, and knew back then  too, that this is it, Felicity is "it" - the love of his life. So yeah, he is nervous in a "anticipating something  wonderful in your life"-kind of way. Plus, that gorgeous woman is in front of him being all adorable and super  sexy. But the status of their relationship is still unconfirmed. He looks at her for answer when the lady asks if  they are back together. And Felicity got "the hint", called herself the mayor's girlfriend. It's for us to hear and  for the Olicity haters. They are back together, so stop asking the stupid question, m'kay?! Get over it! There's also calmness to Oliver that I love. He's matured, more grounded. I cannot believe how much he's grown as a  person. Adrian Chase was one heck of a therapist, LOL.

That nice lady was us, for sure. While she was fangirling over Olicity, I thought it would be funny if the news  came out that Mayor Handsome and Miss Felicity Smoak are back together, with a poll attached to it, vote yes or no.  LOL Star City ships Olicity. Also, why isn't there a man patting Oliver's shoulder and whispering "Good job on  getting your girl back, son!"?!

- Oliver understanding how it was for Felicity when he had to bail on her and was "dangling maybies"... Now you  know Oliver. It sucked! And I think he felt kind of alone and bored and useless, while his woman was neck deep in  Arrow business and he just had to let her go, do her stuff. I think that is what got to Oliver the most - not being  able to be a part of the thing that brought them together in the first place. That's how they met, how they've  gotten closer and fell in love - because of Arrow business. And Oliver not only renounced that part of himself, he  also renounced the part that allowed them to connect and was the major part of their relationship, it's basis. In  S4 we saw how Felicity was struggling to live a "normal" life without Arrow business. She missed that part of her  life, that's why they returned to Star City and stayed. Now it's Oliver's turn to be sidelined. He liked living in  Ivy Town (on the surface), but after last year's crossover, Oliver realized that his life could be happy without  being the Green Arrow, but it will never be full. This season he had to give up the hood again. Except now it's not  because he wanted to, it was a sacrifice for the sake of his son. 6x04 showed how much Oliver actually misses being  the GA, the action and being usefull, already!

Now, putting a mask on and chasing Felicity in the club, or helping Slade-cockblocker-Wilson... how is it different  than being an active member of the team?! I don't get the logic of this. If you're out, you're out, Oliver. No  exceptions. He could as well get killed on the mission with Slade, then little William will be the one saying "told  you so!". Agrhhh...

- Those kisses... I love those smooches. Felicity, please kiss Oliver more like that! It's super adorable!

- I don't trust Alena. At all. Even after she was shot and was all cozy and friendly with Felicity, I still don't  trust the girl. Look, she is responsible for an Argus agent being horribly murdered. And her reaction to that death  was telling not nice things about the kind of person she is... Plus, she represents Felicity's past life, a rather  dark past. I don't want a constant reminder of that on the show, in small doses Alena is ok, but not as a permanent  fixture. Plus, this whole "breaking internet" thing was a set up by Cayden James, so it's obvious that either he  gave Alena that shiner and told her to get Felicity involved, or he knew that if Alena smells trouble, she'd go to  Felicity for help. And either way, she's a pawn in his game. I feel like if Alena isn't working for Cayden, and she  actually is clean, she's still a redundant character, because she doesn't bring to the show any new skill or  ability that isn't already an atribute of another character. So why keep her then?! "I thought you wanted to change the world, and look where you ended up..." I loved this burn! Why did Felicity  apologize for telling the truth?! Also, this line reminded me of when paralyzed Felicity was hallucinating Goth  Felicity. Goth Felicity said the exact same thing to her "you wanted to change the world, look where it got you..."  This Alena character reminds me of that Goth Felicity, but not in a good way. I really hope she won't drag Felicity  back to old hacktivist habits.

- Why doesn't KC wear her hair up in a ponytail more?! It actually looked nice, certainly nicer than her usual hair  down over one shoulder. She calls herself "Dinah", so why does the team insist on calling her "evil Laurel"?! Call  her evil Dinah then, she's here as a counterpart of the new BC anyhow, not of dead Laurel. This show has too many  Dinahs with same abilities, it's ridiculous, Arrow!

- Felicity spent more than half of the episode in that gorgeous red dress. She looked so out of place in it in that  club, and I loved it. It was very funny.

- Felicity should have asked for a backup while going to the club. Or at least telling her team where she's at. It  was irresponsible. And later at Helix, almost got herself and Alena killed. Granted, she couldn't have known that  it would be so dangerous, but still, she's going after someone who plans on killing hundreds of millions of ppl,  gotta think smarter, girl. I get why she would feel guilty. Not only she let out Cayden James, but after Havenrock,  if CJ manages to kill so many people, she would feel that it's on her, too.

- I loved Oliver's pep talk. Last episode it was with Diggle, now with Felicity. They both helped Oliver to become  the GA. And all that effort is now for nothing, eh Oliver?! Where the hell did Felicity get the idea that Oliver  was doing it all by himself?! He never did, well... he tried, but he never succeeded. He was killing ppl, until you  and John set him straight (and Tommy's death, too), he was a crappy brother most of the time, super crappy CEO,  failed as a boyfriend and a fiance, etc... So let's not pretend that Oliver wasn't a screw up just cuz he got his  act together this season, okay Arrow?!

- Helix Dynamics... Nope, not liking it. I got an immediate recall of Fringe's Massive Dynamics,tbh. Plus the name  Helix is rooted in Felicity's old life. Also, the name sounds rather ominous, like Kord Industries, where they make  all kinds of dangerous stuff that bad guys later steal. I hope Felicity will rename the company, it doesn't roll  off the tongue right.

- Michael freaking Emerson is amazing!!! I certainly got an evil Finch vibe from Cayden James. God, he's a cold  motherfucker. I do not believe that he "changed" because of Argus keeping him locked in a shipping container. Argus  locked him up for a reason, I wanna know what that reason is. He must have done something very very bad to earn  such treatment. Lyla isn't Amanda Waller. I would love for papa Smoak to come back and have a hack off paired with  Felicity vs CJ. It would be awesome. Also, I had an idea that Felicity will probably go to jail for hacking the  vault's firewall (and probably, other crimes too), and Noah might take the fall and go to jail instead of her. It's  the only way I see to redeem an absentee father like Noah.

Or Felicity will have to hide and lead a reclusive life until she figures out a way to clear her name with the FBI.  Or she's gonna be recruited by the FBI. Either way, it would be interesting storyline and I wonder how it will  affect her relationship with Oliver. I have a feeling Arrow might do something similar to what Smallville did with  Chloe's character - her leaving the team and just disappearing. Felicity might be forced to do the same. And it  won't be Arrow breaking Olicity up, just separating them for a while. Cuz it's Arrow and they can't let Olicity be  happy on the background all the time...

If we are correct, then Olicity is gonna get married in the LOT crossover episode. If so, then won't marital  privilege kick in then?! Oliver cannot testify against his wife, nor she against him...

- I really hate it when a side character is pointing out an obvious thing that all the fans have figured out long  ago, yet the main character haven't got a clue about... I'm talking about Alena pointing out that Felicity should  use her chip as an idea for helping people and get her company started. We've been cultivating this idea for 1.5  years, come on, Felicity...

- WTF is Arclight?! Damien's dome was called an Arc, right?! Maybe CJ was working for DD back then when the Arc was  being built, and that's why Argus locked him up?! "Arclight" does sound like a cult thing, LOL. And Darkh's zombie  population did look like cult followers...

- Loved all the grunting while Oliver dropped on the couch with hands full of Felicity!!! And the ass grabbing, and  her hand sliding to his front... This new time slot is paying off bit by bit. Slade cockblocking them was not cool,  Arrow!

- Did anyone else have a thought that Diggle's drugs might be provided by Cayden as well? He set up a trap for  Felicity in today's episode, Diggle will probably become addicted to that drug, and will be off the team as well.  Could be, Cayden will be picking all the team members one by one?

- The only thing, missing from this episode, was the repeat of the glorious line "It feels really good having you  inside me...". It was such a right episode with a perfectly set up circumstances to bring that line back. Arrow,  how could you miss this opportunity to remind us of such perfect comedic Olicity moment?

- Loved Oliver on the comms. He looked absolutely out of place behind Felicity's computers, but that was the point,  and I loved it. The learning curve and the funny Oliver, loved every second of that scene.

This was a very good, solid episode. The reversal worked perfectly. One of my favorites of all Arrow episodes!!  This season is gonna be so AWESOME!!!

@almondblossomme @hope-for-olicity @tdgal1 @taurusclh @geneshaven @eilowyn1 @felicitys @nalla-madness @coal000

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #43: The End (For Now, My Dudes) (7/2/17)

Nothing really ends.

This Week’s TØPics:

Schott Recap

Rock Sound 50 Interview

BLIND SPECULATION About the Next Era

And More (Tears, Mostly)

Major News and Announcements:

Only one piece of major news this week: they’re done. After over two years, well over two hundred shows, a butt-ton of awards, and countless moments of fun and joy, Twenty One Pilots has finished the album cycle that began in April 2015 with the announcement of an album called Blurryface. Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun worked their butts off for us. We’ll get into the nitty-gritty of how the era wrapped in the recap section and look to the future in BLIND SPECULATION, but first, let’s just appreciate the fact that they did it. 

With this album and the years of work that led up to it, Tyler and Josh became some of the biggest figures in music, generated no less than three smash singles, and took off their pants on national television. Most importantly, their increased visibility has introduced their music about anxiety, depression, and emotional honesty to a lot of people, some of whom have seen their lives changed for the better by the comfort and community that music brings. They’ve changed the world, without question.

Performances, Interviews, and Other Shenanigans:

It’s hard to believe that it’s been barely a week since the last show of the Blurryface Era. It feels like it was both years and mere hours ago. Highlights from the last show at the Schott:

Before the show even started, Mark and Brad were causing drama in the Clique. Mark created a very official-looking fake setlist that included an assortment of fan favorites melded very seamlessly into the existing line-up and slipped it into the background of several of the pair’s pre-show Snapchats. I think they both learned their lesson about the risks of waving Taxi Cab under the Clique’s nose.

Though the fake setlist didn’t make it to the stage, there were a few nifty alterations. My favorite: for the first time since Belsonic Fest way back in August 2015, the band performed “No Woman, No Cry” for the lead-in to “Ride”, this time with the assistance of MisterWives’ horn section.

Tyler’s (possibly final) WDBWOTV Speech was full of awkward pauses meant to keep the show going as long as possible and a shout out to his sister Madison, whose birthday landed on the date. Tyler called Maddie “the only woman he ever loved besides my mom and my wife... and my mother-in-law... and Josh.” Curse that boy.

Tyler’s final Trees Speech of the era was suitably great (even if it was regularly interrupted by screaming from the crowd, which you can forgive, I’d be hyped/sad as frick, too). Tyler made sure to emphasize how their story shows that people should never put a ceiling on their dreams. He also, with trademark humility, repeatedly pointed out that neither he nor Josh could have done this without each other and their fans. The part that hit me the most was when Tyler got transparent and admitted that he doesn’t really know what comes after this moment for them, and that he even thought while donning the Blurryface makeup for the last time that this might be it for the band. However, he pledged not to quit, asking only that the audience give them time to not just work on their material but to grow as people before coming back with new music.

Nothing in the whole show shook me more to the core than Tyler singing “Goodbye” in “Trees”. I’m still not over it.

Actually, this hug shook me even more.

Beyond the show, there was one more piece of content that came out this week that I feel has really been overlooked: the Rock Sound 50 interview. Tyler and Josh were voted the most influential figures in rock music by the mag’s readers, and they gave one of the most honest and in-depth interviews on that topic that I’ve seen from them in quite some time (largely because they haven’t really given a ton of interviews lately). Highlights from that interview:

When asked about what they think of being influential, Josh gives the most unexpected answer possible, but one that is also quintessentially Josh: he talks about watching Dean Martin Westerns with his dad. If you think that’s random, Josh’s explanation makes a ton of sense. He states that he felt like he got to know Dean Martin through how he portrayed himself across all the various films he was involved in over the years, and that he now understands how people can look at how he presents himself on stage and other media over time and connect with the person who has crafted all of those performances.

Tyler’s answer to the question of influence is also expectedly on point: “I don’t look at celebrities or people of a certain status and aspire to be them... I’m influenced by my family, by individuals who have endured struggle and who have bettered themselves or overcome tremendous odds.”

The interviewer states that the connection between the fans and the band is genuinely unbelievable. Tyler says that he thinks his music really resonates with people because it talked honestly about what he was thinking. There’s one point that I wish I could pick his brain about. Tyler says that he’s not fulfilled by writing about personal scenes, words, and things that don’t make sense to anybody else, and that he wants to make art and live outwardly in order to connect with people. This is confusing: after all, so much of his discography is cryptic, and he famously wrote a song about his personal “Kitchen Sink”. That said, the core feelings of those songs are pretty evident and obviously connect with tons of people. I dunno. Again, would like to see if that populism is something that Tyler wants to incorporate more into his music and has been thinking about as his art has evolved.

The band talks about the responsibility of being influencers, specifically pointing to the lessons they’ve learned by being older siblings. Josh talks about the accountability that comes with being expected to be a role model. Tyler conversely says that he “feels like knowing when to step back is part of being responsible.” Tyler goes further and points out that they really have a much lower public profile than many in their occupation and level of fame, and that that’s very much an intentional choice to not go on every TV show or take every photo. It’s important for him to have time to just stay huddled in a room and not risk giving a potentially bad example on his bad days. Furthermore, he says, “I don’t crave any more attention than I have already.

Tyler appears to get actually upset and even angry when the question of authenticity comes up, openly bashing the “mainstream, pop culture” idea that they were a constructed product or that their songs don’t come from a genuine place. Tyler is very proud that he’s able to say that he has never had someone co-write one of his songs, let alone had them made by another person. “Sometimes I want to scream that so hard. It’s like, ‘Don’t you get it? Don’t you get that this isn’t some formula? This is real, and people are drawn to it because it’s real.’”

When asked if people would be surprised that they’re influenced by fans more than the other way around, Tyler fully agrees. Josh says that fans don’t just inspire him with their creativity and talent, but also force him to be a better person even on days that he doesn’t much want to be. Tyler explains that, while he makes his songs to better and “mend” parts of himself (*sobs*), he truly feels alive when those emotions bounce back from fans who have taken them and applied them to themselves.

Tyler says that the music they’ve making now has weird, structurally unsound pauses meant specifically to encourage audience reflection and participation.

On the sole light-hearted note in the interview, Tyler jokes about how he can never find the right pants, and that “pants” would probably be in the name of his theoretical solo project (don’t even joke about that, fam).

Josh interestingly talks at length about his maturation in the last years, specifically in his newfound desire to be clear and considerate in his speech in order to make people feel love and accepted, even down to wanting to draw back from too many inside jokes with Tyler. I... don’t know how I feel about that. Is that just a social media criticism thing? Or is that genuine maturity, wanting to make yourself palatable to everyone? Or is it a fame thing? I don’t know. I’m immature as heck.

When discussing self-improvement, Josh states that, in addition to learning new sports, he is also continually interested in learning new instruments and more about composition. Tyler, on the other hand, says that he’s cautious about how to evolve. Specifically, he says that he never wants to be unhappy with where he’s currently at or to look at his past work and not be proud of it. We hope you never do either, boss.

BLIND SPECULATION OF THE WEEK:

Now, the big question: What’s next? I’ve brought this up before in speculation segments, but recent events have caused me to alter my predictions somewhat. Last time, I said that I thought we wouldn’t get an album until next year, but that we almost definitely would get at least a promo track by December. Now I think I might have been overzealous.

It seems pretty clear that Twenty One Pilots has not been in the studio in their relative down-time over the last few months- any days that they weren’t vacationing or moving into new houses were probably spent rehearsing for festivals and TDC. That doesn’t negate the fact that Tyler and Josh have said that they’ve been already been working on new music a number of times over the last few months, but it does greatly lower the likelihood that they’re only a few months out from completing a project. Furthermore, just from reading the vibe of recent interviews and speeches, I think Tyler especially really needs to take at least a few months to himself. Tyler’s an extremely introverted and family-focused individual, and fame (not to mention the heavy workload of arena/festival touring) seems to have taken a bit of a toll. He clearly loves what he does, but he also clearly loves his wife, his friends, and his home, and he deserves a chance to reconnect with them, not just for his health and happiness (which is most important), but also to make sure that his creative voice remains grounded to reality. Plus... I mean, Tyler’s getting older, he’s barely a year out from thirty, guy’s been on the road the first two years of his marriage... that’s all I’m saying about that. Also, I’m sure Josh wants to go bowling, visit Universal a few more times, hang out with certain individuals, see the pyramids, and generally live an idle life for a bit.

Because of that, not only do I not think Tyler and Josh will have another album ready to go by the end of the year, I also think that they won’t even be in the studio by then. A six month vacation would give them both time to pursue other interests, invest in the people around them, and consider where they want to take the next project. Granted, label contracts, creative itches, and their work ethic might mean that they’ll be back well before that. And that would be great; no one would be happier than me to get music sooner rather than later. But my main priority is that Tyler and Josh are healthy and happy.

There’s a ton of other questions about upcoming projects, which I shall attempt to answer succinctly (too late) below to the best of my ability: 

How will the concerts and setlists change when they make a bunch of new music? Most of the deep cuts from past projects will probably start to go- I doubt we’ll have room for full performances for Polarize, Message Man, WDBWOTV, Hometown, *unsteady sobbing gasp* The Run and Go, The Judge, Migraine... Beyond that, I would be thrilled if the band made use of some of their newly-acquired capital to hire a touring band. The backing tracks were a great tool for the guys when they were broke college kids, but I do think that a lot of music critics who have scorned our band have a valid point that the greatest weakness to their performances is the lack of genuine live music. I honestly don’t know if this will happen, but the Mutemath collaboration leaves me optimistic that Tyler and Josh might see the value in searching out some talented folks to flesh out their sound.

Will they release any more one-off singles for films or other media in the vein of “Heathens” between now and another album? I dunno. Hard to imagine that they haven’t been approached after the runaway success of “Heathens”, but I feel like Tyler will want to devote his time to their next major project. 

Will they get bored in their off-time and go back to making Quality Comedy Content? I mean, Vine’s dead. But I don’t see why not. Go crazy, Jishwa, skate down the pyramids with your fidget spinners. Run another election, Lord knows we need one.

How will their rise to fame be reflected in their new content? I mean, there’s really no way it won’t in some implicit way. The pressures, judgement, and surreal-ness that come with that almost definitely will be on Tyler’s mind during the writing process. Honestly, though? I hope it doesn’t. Blurryface was already an album largely about dealing with insecurities and pressures involved in making music and art and, I’ll be honest, that’s what didn’t work about that album for me. Like Tyler said in the Rock Sound 50 interview, those parts spoke more to the band’s very unique experience, and I couldn’t relate to them as strongly as the paradoxically even more personal and emotional stuff in their prior projects. That’s right: on the final week of the Blurryface Cycle, I admit that I wasn’t actually completely sold every aspect of the album. I know, I’m a fake fan. However, Blurryface was still a great project made by immensely talented people, and I am so excited to see what they take away from it in making their future art

That’s all folks. I’ll be stepping away from writing regular installments of the blog for the foreseeable future, with maybe the odd one-off here and there if we get a good morsel of news (*cough*last Sleepers video*cough*) or maybe if I just miss my dudes. Hopefully I’m still in a place when the next era begins that I’ll be able to jump right back on the horse, but we’ll see where life takes me- and all of us, really. But I’m optimistic, and I know that, whatever happens I will always- always- love this band, which has given so many people hope and comfort when they needed it most.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[askjssterling-blog]

Reunion // Niff Para

WHO: Jeff and @asknickypoo WHEN: 4/30/2017 WHERE: John Glenn Columbus International Airport WHAT: After years of not seeing each other, Nick and Jeff reunite at the airport. 

Jeff looked at his watch before looking up at the big screen in front of him, locating the flight from Baltimore that Nick was coming in. It had just landed, and Jeff would just have to wait for Nick to pick up his luggage before getting to see him. He felt slightly nervous, seeing his best friend after so long, but at the same time, he was excited. After running off to California as soon as he could, he lost contact to basically everyone that had been in his life, but not Nick. He could never lose contact with Nick, both because he would never be able to let go of his best friend, and because he was sure Nick wouldn't let him get rid of him. There were times they didn't talk for a couple of weeks or so, life and exams getting in the way, but they would get back to usual as soon as they talked again, as if no time had passed at all, and Jeff would never want to drop that. After his injury, Jeff had been in a dark place and Nick being away didn't help it at all. He needed his best friend there with him, and for a while he had felt hurt because he never got a visit from him, but now that he was better, he could finally think clearly, without all the feelings the injury brought him, and he could see how unfair that was. Nick was studying, to be a doctor, and he was afraid of flying, of course he wouldn't immediately get on a plane to see him. He did care, he texted him a lot during that time, and they skyped, Jeff was just putting too much pressure on him when he didn't visit Nick either. He had told himself that he didn't visit Nick because Baltimore was too close to home, but that was an excuse, and it hadn't been fair on him. But none of that was on his mind right now. He just wanted to see his best friend he hadn't seen in nearly 3 years, and that would happen any minute now.

Nick always hated flying, something about being in a metal tube going hundreds of miles per hour in the sky was just terrifying. Still he knew that if he was going to make it home at a decent time he needed to catch a flight, so with all three high school musical movies in his hand, Nick prepared himself for take off. He was excited honestly, to be going home and to be seeing his best friend. He missed having Jeff around and felt guilty for not being around after Jeff's injury. However at the time he had been studying for a huge exam and was knee deep in papers. Still the guilt bit at him everyday he was across the country from his crazy blonde friend. As his flight came in to land Nick closed his laptop as he finished watching High School Musical, showing it to the 6 year old girl who had never seen the masterpiece. Waiting to deplane took longer than he wanted but he got off quickly and made his way to gather his bags. Finding his familiar neon pink suitcase, Nick grabbed it before heading out to find Jeff. It didn't take long to notice the former Warbler, dropping his bags behind the brunette smiled. "Jeff!" He yelled far louder than he should have, preparing to run in slow motion.

Jeff ended up leaning against a pillar as we waited for Nick, his knee starting to complain. It was taking a while for him to get out, but he knew how these things went. It always seems like you deplane super quickly when you're the one on the plane, the people waiting for you outside always feel like they've been waiting forever. It has been so long, though, so what was a couple minutes more? Jeff was sure he saw the ridiculous neon pink suitcase before he heard his name, but Nick got his attention anyway and he couldn't help but smile widely as the saw the other at the distance. He shook his head fondly as Nick left his things behind as he pretended to run slow motion towards him, walking towards him too, his arms spread open as he walked to meet him in the middle. He wanted this dramatic airport moment and Jeff was going to give it to him. Maybe he should have brought some flowers? That would make it extra dramatic.

Nick didn't care about the looks people were giving him as he ran towards his friend, it had been far too long since he last gave Jeff a proper hug. Seeing the other walk towards him put an even bigger smile on his face and his backpack bouncing as he walked. Finally having Jeff in arms reach, Nick brought him into a hug before picking him up off the ground, spinning in a few circles before setting the taller back on the ground. "God I missed you."

Jeff laughed at Nick's backpack before being engulfed in a big Nick hug. Jeff didn't care if this was Ohio and people would give them funny looks, he just missed Nick a lot and they had a lot of hugging to do for these last few years. Jeff wrapped his arms tightly around Nick, not realizing how much he really missed him until that moment. He might have shed a tear, but soon enough Nick was spinning him around and he couldn't help but laugh loudly at that. Even with his feet on the floor, he couldn't let go of him just yet, "Missed you, too. Mostly your hugs, but I guess you, too." he joked so they didn't get super sentimental and started crying right there.

Nick chuckled at Jeff's reaction, happy to have the blonde back within arms reach. Some would assume that they were together, and even the people in the airport were giving them a few looks. Honestly, if Nick were to date a guy it would be Jeff. However, even with a question in his sexuality, Nick knew that they were meant to be best friends. Even in these moments he almost felt whole again having his best friend so close. "Well I mean my hugs are amazing. How could you not miss them?"

Jeff missed his best friend, no one could blame him for wanting to hold on to him for a little longer, it's been too long! He could slip away and Jeff would only see him in a couple of years, and that wasn't going to happen again. He got him back and he was going to make the most out of it, and then he would actually be a good best friend and visit him more often. Jeff chuckled against the top of Nick's head before finally leaning back, playfully pinching his cheek "Your hugs and that pretty face. I can't believe you still don't have wrinkles after nearly three years in pre-med." he said with a small, playful smile. Gosh, it was good to have him back.

Nick couldn't believe how much they had both grown since the summer before their freshman year. So many things had changed and so much had happened, heck Jeff was dating Blaine which was something he never saw coming. Still he could easily remember the times they would run around Dalton causing all sorts of trouble before running back to Warblers practice to perfect some crazy number. "Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline." Nick replied mocking how girls would flip their hair over their shoulder. "Now I wanna know how much bleach you have used in your hair because that is some blonde hair dude."

Jeff didn't normally think about it, but Nick had been his best friend for so long. He didn't think about it because Nick just was his best friend, it was a given and it would never change, no matter how crazy the world got or how far away they were from each other. Nick was Jeff's best friend, and Jeff was Nick's. Water is wet, the sun always comes up. But it was nice, to have those memories to reminisce about. All the pranks they pulled at Dalton, the all nighters they pulled because Jeff left his essays for last minute., he just couldn't believe it all had happened year ago. Jeff laughed, shaking his head fondly before going to get Nick's suitcase before either of them forgot it. He wouldn't be surprised if that happened, he was sure it already had. "Bleach? I don't know that word, I'm sorry, all au naturale over here." he winked playfully "It's just the Cali sun, Nick, you should visit sometime, get your tan on."

Nick chuckled as he shook his head, "I find that very hard to believe Jeffrey." He replied with a pointed look before finishing his reply. "Excuse you, I am going for the Olaf look this summer." Crossing his arms he pretended to be offended only for a moment before turning back to pick up his suitcase he dropped before. "Now, I vote we get out of this airport because planes are awful and I need to see what Ohio looks like. I think I actually forgot."

Jeff shrugged playfully "You'll never know my secrets," he laughed before reaching for the suitcase before Nick could. It had wheels, he could wheel it to the parking lot so Nick wouldn't have to. He was a good friend like that, Nick should get him a badge. "I can see that, does the sun even shine in Baltimore or you actually don't leave your room?" he wanted to know about Nick's life at college, even that he had already told him what it was like, it just wasn't face to face like this, and the computer cam would never properly catch Nick's little face expressions when he talks. "Same boring Ohio, I promise. We got snow for a couple of days though, I had forgotten what it was like." he chatted as they walked to the parking lot to Jeff's car.

Nick rolled his eyes, "One day I'll figure them out. Don't you worry." He replied with a small smile as he watched Jeff grab his suitcase. Normally he would protest, but he knew better than that. He had to let Jeff do something for him, he knew that it was pointless to make something out of nothing. "Well you see, I tend to spend almost all day in a classroom or in my dorm that the only time I see the outside is when I open the door for the pizza man." Following Jeff to his car, Nick couldn't help but enjoy the Ohio air. It was home, despite the fact he hadn't been here in so long. "It's home to me, that's all that matters."

Jeff chuckled "It has taken you long enough, I found out where you kept your hair gel from me back at Dalton in like.. two days." he smiled as he led them to his car. He was glad Nick knew better than to argue with him about the suitcase, because he was going to lose. "How you're still alive today baffles me. You need me there to keep you from melting into your desk and get you some fresh air." he shook his head fondly. He really needed some Jeff to make him live a little. Jeff was sure pre-med was a lot of work, but Nick would still ace it, even if he took some study breaks. "You have an awesome family to come back to and your best friend in the whole wide world, of course it's home." he smiled softly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and giving him a side hug.

Nick quickly jumped on the defense as he prepared a reply. "Shh that obviously wasn't my real hiding spot. But drilling holes into the wall at Dalton is frowned upon." Looking at the sky above, he smiled as he took in the homey feeling that being here had already given him. "It's a magic trick. Someday you'll need a crowbar to pry me off my books." He joked as he looked back over at Jeff. "I would much rather be here than studying some more." Smiling as Jeff gave him a hug, he leaned into the embrace.

Jeff laughed "As you didn't do enough things frowned upon. Also me, I'm surprised they allowed me inside campus again." he chuckled softly before smiling sadly. He would love to visit to Dalton with Nick, it was just like stepping right back into the past, but he wouldn't get to do that anymore. The memories would always be there, but it was still weird thinking that the place he had so much fun in was gone. "I'm sorry you can't see Dalton anymore... It was the same as you remember, but you know.. it's not there anymore." he shrugged softly. Right now wasn't time for the sad things. Nick was back and the wanted to focus on that, "You'll just melt into them and you'll be like a magic book, which isn't so bad if you think about it." he laughed "Well, I'd hope so or I'd make you walk home with all of these bags." he bumped their hips together before taking out his car keys and opening the trunk.

[feedbaylenny]

First, I want to thank you for all your reading. This is my 99th blog and so far there have been more than 14,100 page views. Dozens of you are reading and clicking more than once, even when I don’t post anything, and the numbers have really been going up.

Reading would good thing to do over the long weekend. For those of you who haven’t been, I recently achieved the trifecta of categories: golden showers, pass gas (fart), and semen (cum) – all for news reasons, of course, and each used only once – so maybe you’ll start by subscribing.

You never know what’ll come up next!

Here is a hint. It’s called Follow-Up Friday, and it’s good to see Harvey Weinstein in deep (pick a bodily substance from above).

The New York Times wrote Weinstein facing

“charges that he had raped one woman and forced another to perform oral sex … stood not only as a breakthrough in the investigation into sex-crime claims against him but as a watershed in the larger #MeToo movement.”

According to The Times via Slate Magazine,

“Weinstein arrived at the precinct at 7:30am, got fingerprinted, then departed in handcuffs—without his books—about an hour later. From there he was driven to the courthouse, where he was arraigned at 9:25am and made bail on a cashier’s check for $1 million.”

Yes, you read “books” and Slate reported,

“Footage of his arrival shows Weinstein entering the precinct with three books in his arms—one about Elia Kazan, another about Rodgers and Hammerstein, and a third, floppy, leather-bound volume that hasn’t been identified.”

Then upon further review, Slate suspected the “books were almost certainly props” since,

“The choice of titles might also be designed to send some kind of message: Elia Kazan was a brilliant but disgraced film director and a ‘calculating, unfaithful womanizer’; composer Richard Rodgers was known to be sexually aggressive with the women who performed his musicals.”

Whether criminal suspects in New York get to read books they bring is under debate but Slate noted,

“Under normal circumstances, a person who surrenders to police can expect to wait 12 to 24 hours before heading off to see a judge. This includes time spent waiting to be transported to the courthouse, as officers don’t tend to make this trip until they have a group of people ready for arraignment. The fact that Weinstein got the ‘walkthrough’ treatment—coming in and out in just two hours—suggests that all arrangements (including the amount of his bail) had been worked out ahead of time by his lawyer and the district attorney’s office.”

That shouldn’t happen.

Neither should this: another school shooting. Today’s happened at an Indiana middle school. At least nobody was killed. CNN reports three people were injured — a teacher and a student, according to Noblesville’s police chief — “but hospital officials said at least three people, including one adult, were being treated. One student had an ankle fracture.”

A student was arrested a short time later, in or near his classroom. The chief said he’d asked for permission to leave the room and “he returned armed with two handguns.”

What did Indiana’s former governor have to say?

https://twitter.com/VP/status/1000034019046813698

CNN noted “The shooting comes a week after 10 people were killed at a school in Santa Fe, Texas,” and “There have been 23 school shootings where someone was hurt or killed so far this year – an average of more than one shooting a week.”

I guess many more people than the usual students and teachers can’t wait for this school year to finally end.

I don’t know of any other Noblesville so there was no confusion like Santa Fe, when I showed you Philadelphia’s WTXF-Fox 29 (my former employer) did nothing but take a story from their sister-station in Houston, which didn’t have to specify a state.

http://www.ftvlive.com/sqsp-test/2018/5/20/nope

Unfortunately for folks in Connecticut, FTVLive’s Scott Jones found out about this from WTNH-Channel 8 (my former competition).

Maybe Fox 29 will finally learn to take its journalism and attention to detail more seriously, like its three main competitors, so it doesn’t mislead its viewers or readers. Heck, even Connecticut journalists were confused!

It didn’t take long, but Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg is back in the news for a victory against one of the biggest supermarkets in the southeast – Publix – and Florida GOP primary gubernatorial candidate Adam Putnam, for that matter.

Wikipedia

Putnam made news for not getting any invitations to appear on Fox News, while his opponent, Congressman Ron DeSantis, has been on about a hundred times so far this year.

Ron DeSantis, Adam Putnam

          Besides the fair and balanced folks at Fox, Putnam has one friend and one enemy. The friend is Publix (not because it’s prude) and the enemy is Hogg, and today, Publix announced it’s suspending all corporate campaign contributions immediately.

The Tampa Bay Times reported Publix had given $670,000 to Putnam campaigns over the last three years. Its headline, ten days ago, was “Publix is supporting Adam Putnam’s run for governor like no politician before.”

On top of that,

“No other Florida candidate has ever come close to that kind of subsidy from Florida’s largest Fortune 500 company. Its most recent contribution, a $100,000 donation on April 30, was the largest, too, according to the latest campaign finance filings.”

Also,

“In 2016, WFTS-Channel 28 discovered seven Tampa Bay-area Publix stores failed health inspections. In those stores, food inspectors found rodent droppings, hundreds of pounds of meat and other food stored at unsafe temperatures, bugs and employees not washing their hands, according to the report. Putnam responded the next day by pulling the inspections from the department’s website and eliminating the pass/fail grading system.”

Publix is based in Lakeland, and Putnam lives in Bartow, both in Polk County.

Thanks to Hogg, Publix faced “consumer boycotts, student protests and threats to its wholesome image.” Now, it’s acknowledging the “divide” it caused by its unprecedented financial support of Putnam’s campaign.

According to the Washington Times,

“The public face of the gun control movement demanded $1 million Thursday from the Florida-based grocery chain in a tweet, just one day after calling for a “die-in” protest at its stores.”

https://twitter.com/EmileeRose/status/999990862875648000

He also wanted an acknowledgment for the gun control movement.

https://twitter.com/davidhogg111/status/999773788807073793

As for Putnam, he’s sticking with the National Rifle Association and against the wishes of the survivors, some of whom like Hogg, will be old enough to vote against him. The primary is set for Aug. 28.

https://twitter.com/adamputnam/status/890005538452365312

See my May 8 post.

Facebook is acting on something I brought you earlier this month: “protecting legitimate political discussion within our community and fighting foreign interference in elections.”

Hit the question mark for help and type in “political ads.”

The social media giant will tell you,

“When ads with political content appear on Facebook, they’re required to include information about who paid for them. An ad with political content on Facebook can be identified by the label: Sponsored – Paid for by. This label is followed by information about who paid for the ad. Learn more about what’s considered an ad with political content.”

Then, after a way to report seeing “an ad on Facebook that has political content, but doesn’t have a label showing who paid for it,” it tells you “Ads that have political content and have appeared on Facebook on or after May 7, 2018 will also appear in the Archive of Ads With Political Content.”

https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2018/05/ads-with-political-content/

That’s not just candidates, but issue ads from outside parties, too. The details were revealed when the expanded requirements took effect – yesterday.

Also, Adweek reported, “Twitter revealed a similar tactic Wednesday, saying that it was teaming up with nonprofit civic organization Ballotpedia to create election labels for the accounts of candidates running in the 2018 U.S. midterm elections.”

Something else you won’t be seeing on Facebook anymore are videos from The Weather Channel.

“[Facebook video] hasn’t been beneficial,” said Neil Katz, global head of content and engagement at The Weather Channel, according to Digiday at its Video Summit. “It has been good for Facebook, but it hasn’t been good for us.”

The publication wrote, “The Weather Channel’s Facebook presence included its main page as well as ‘weather-adjacent’ science, nature and travel verticals such as Rockets Are Cool, Crazimals and United States of Awesome.”

In March, The Weather Channel was sold to entrepreneur and entertainment executive Byron Allen, who us older folk remember from Real People. Another wise decision, sir.

Others are not as wise. Watch this news report FTVLive’s Scott Jones found from an excellent reporter, Stanley Roberts, at KRON in San Francisco. His beat is People Behaving Badly. This is for those of you who want to be in public but not on TV.

And this is something I’ve seen several times before: Philadelphia’s own Frank Rizzo – former police commissioner who served two terms as mayor for most of the 1970s. He’d been out of office for less than a year when approached by a KYW-TV3 investigative reporter. This is something you shouldn’t miss, nor should the people above.

And speaking of Americans and our rights, the Philadelphia region’s two largest grocery store chains aren’t looking too super when it comes to our holidays, at least to me.

I hope Acme and ShopRite don’t know the meaning of Memorial Day, in which we honor our fallen heroes who are no longer able to barbecue or go down to the Jersey Shore. Otherwise, it’s just damn rude and insensitive.

Acme wants you to celebrate Memorial Day

ShopRite says to have a happy Memorial Day

Their recommendations to celebrate should’ve been to remember.

On that note, please don’t forget to read, show your friends and subscribe if you haven’t.

And have a good, long holiday weekend. (Wouldn’t that have been enough?)

Follow-Up Friday, plus David Hogg defeats Publix First, I want to thank you for all your reading. This is my 99th blog and so far there have been more than 14,100 page views.

[newstfionline]

Operation Flailing Empire

By Maj. Danny Sjursen, Truthdig, April 20, 2018

You’ve got to hand it to the good old US of A: We sure know how to overpromise and underdeliver. After 17 years of perpetual wars stretching from West Africa to South Asia, nobody does it better. America’s military--the nation’s governmental tool of choice these days--never saw a problem it couldn’t “fix” or missed an opportunity to coin a slick code name for its open-ended operations.

First, we had Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan), then Iraqi Freedom (well, you know where), New Dawn (Iraq, again), Unified Protector (Libya) and now, Freedom’s Sentinel (Afghanistan again). Boy, do these operations sound cool and altruistic. Hmm … I wonder how they actually turned out?

Well, that’s the tricky part. See, in reality, the U.S. has naught but a few defeats, several ongoing stalemates and a trail of chaos to show for all that effort. And, predictably, the local civilians usually foot the bloody bill.

If only the outcomes for the people on the ground bore any resemblance to those uplifting titles. And we’d hate to be dishonest or inaccurate in our labels, so how about we find a remedy? Seeing as Washington shows no predilection to even vote on, let alone end, its ongoing wars, perhaps the best we can do is review America’s recent record and suggest more appropriate code names for its ongoing wars.

Operation Enduring Freedom: The invasion and occupation of Afghanistan in 2001--this is the one we had to do, right? The one even “liberal” President Barack Obama referred to as the “good war.” After all, al-Qaida had attacked the homeland, Osama bin Laden was there and, it seemed, the Taliban wouldn’t give him up--not fast enough for our liking, anyway.

Still, that mission “creeped” from counterterrorism to full scale nation-building. Nation-building on the cheap, that is, because most resources were promptly shifted to a war of dubious legality in Iraq. Seventeen years later, the only thing “enduring” in Afghanistan is chaos, and “freedom,” well, that’s limited, at best, to the urban centers the marginally legitimate, U.S.-sponsored Afghan government actually controls. With corruption rampant in Kabul, record numbers of districts contested by the Taliban and the harvesting of a record opium crop, it’s hard to argue that the U.S. military mission has lived up to its name.

After Obama finally reduced U.S. troop counts in 2014-15, Enduring Freedom was rebranded as Operation Freedom’s Sentinel, and the American military shifted to an advise, assist and sustaining force. Problem is, enduring freedom hadn’t ever been realized, so how the heck could the remaining U.S. troopers act as “sentinel” for the success-of-liberty that never came? It’s all so confusing.

For the sake of truth in advertising, let’s rename this ongoing conflict Operation Everlasting Quagmire.

Operation Iraqi Freedom: Boy, did the military planners dodge one heck of a gaffe when naming this one. They originally wanted to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation, but, yikes, that acronym spelled OIL--a bit too on the nose, no? Anyway, Washington settled on Iraqi Freedom and supplied a litany of reasons to invade: Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction (he didn’t), he’d colluded with al-Qaida (he hadn’t), the war would pay for itself (it wouldn’t), and on and on.

The conventional ground war took less than a month, President George W. Bush flew onto an aircraft carrier in a flight suit and declared the “mission accomplished” and everyone waited for Iraqi “freedom” to break out across the country. We waited and waited and … the place fell apart. The reality is that the U.S. military fractured an ethno-sectarian basket case of a country and unleashed chaos. We triggered a civil war, exponentially multiplied anti-American Islamists and delivered an Iraq even worse than had existed before 2003. Some 4,500 Americans and at least a couple hundred thousand Iraqis died. My unit didn’t arrive in Baghdad until October 2006, and one of the most heartbreaking--and recurring--interactions I had with those poor people was listening to them lament that life in the city was actually better under Saddam.

Iraqi Freedom was later renamed New Dawn when Obama shifted the mission to advisory and assistance and turned Iraq’s security over to a suspiciously chauvinist Shiite government under the strongman Nouri al-Maliki. New Dawn had such a nice ring to it. No more overt U.S. military occupation, increased Iraqi sovereignty and a fresh start for the embattled local civilians. A few years into New Dawn, in December 2011, almost all U.S. troops--as Obama had promised--left the country. Victory in Iraq.

Only the whole thing was a new-dawn-that-wasn’t. Maliki was an authoritarian, his government held little legitimacy in the eyes of minority Sunnis and Kurds, and the Iraqi army we’d trained and equipped collapsed in the face of the veritable Frankenstein’s monster that had grown up in U.S. military prisons: Islamic State. These lunatics helped themselves to billions of dollars’ worth of U.S.-supplied equipment and ran rampant for a couple of years across western Iraq and eastern Syria.

So, in round two (or three, if you count 1991’s Operation Desert Storm), the U.S. military was back on the ground, the Air Force was back to bombing and, while Islamic State has been rolled back, American troops are still there, with no end in sight.

So, in honor of a 1980s cult classic film, I propose a coded title that’s more apropos: Operation Neverending Story.

Operation Unified Protector: This is the NATO “humanitarian” mission to “protect” Libyan rebels from the vicious tyrant Moammar “Mad Dog” Gadhafi. The Arab Spring uprisings toppled a few Mideast dictators in 2011, but Obama had been elected on a promise of no more new wars in the region. So when assorted Libyan rebels were in danger of losing out to Gadhafi’s army, Obama assured us that Americans would “lead from behind,” keep U.S. “boots off the ground” and simply deter a massacre.

Unfortunately, that protection from the world powers wasn’t so unified after all, with Russia and China bowing out when the full scope of the NATO project became clear. And as for the “protection” part, or all that due-process stuff that Americans are always talking about, well, it didn’t apply to Gadhafi himself, who was tortured and murdered in a grisly manner by a lynch mob.

Things only deteriorated from there. Humanitarian intervention evolved into regime change, and then into the fracture of Libya into statelets led by rival warlords. Even Islamic State opened a local franchise. And that arsenal of guns Gadhafi had spent three decades accumulating? Tribal fighters took those south and across the border to sow chaos and destabilize Cameroon, Niger and Mali.

So in honor of what’s really occurred in Libya, I’ll leave the naming of this mission to former President Obama, who, in hindsight, referred to the Libyan mission as a “s--t show.” Operation S--t Show. It has a nice ring to it.

Operation Restoring Hope: Yemen, 2015-present. Sure, it’s Saudi Arabia that kicked this one off and came up with the impressively ironic title. And sure, it’s Saudi pilots bombing and Saudi ships blockading that have unleashed the worst cholera epidemic in recorded history and brought millions of civilians to the brink of famine. So why should we care?

Simple. The U.S. backs and enables the Saudi terror campaign and has the power to end this war. The Saudi campaign could not continue without U.S. military support in the form of aerial refueling, targeting intelligence and guided munitions sales. One vignette, among countless others, says it all: In 2016, when a Saudi airstrike killed 140 Yemenis attending a funeral, it did so with American-manufactured bombs. Yemenis are fond of digging up the tail fins of these munitions, and many are manufactured in the USA. Nonetheless, the war, and America’s support for it, continues to this day.

Here’s an apt title for what America is really enabling in Yemen: Operation Moral Repugnance.

I am done being cheeky and flippant. There are real human beings--too often women and children--under all those bombs and in the line of all that fire. What I suggest is twofold: First, let’s do less--militarily, at least--in the Mideast, and second, let us ditch the euphemistic-to-the-point-of-Orwellian code names and quit overpromising and underproducing.

The hard truth is that too often, in contrast to the noble code names, U.S. military operations have had precisely the opposite of their intended effects for the people living in the Greater Middle East.

What shall historians call these 17 years of post-9/11 warfare? Bush called it the “war on terror,” but terror is a tactic and not a tangible enemy. Others labeled it the “long war,” but that’s vague and not catchy enough. Esteemed historian Andrew Bacevich suggested “the war for the Greater Middle East,” which is indeed accurate, but a bit too scholarly and bland.

Given the actual outcomes of these campaigns, the horrors endured and the illogical paths blazed along the way, I’ll affix one more appropriate label to these disasters: “the war on reason.” Code name: Operation Flailing Empire.

[samiam03x]

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

It seems like most companies redesign their website every year or so.

New trends gain steam, so they want to be more ‘contemporary’ or ‘flat.’

Or new color schemes are en vogue. So every site you visit looks Asana-bright.

Everyone now wants to update their site on the same regular basis.

I love experimenting with new color schemes and trends, too.

Except for one tiny thing.

I hate redesigns.

Design updates are good. They allow you to incrementally make improvements to make sure your site is up-to-date.

But full-scale redesigns?

Where you completely overhaul the site architecture and page content?

You should avoid those like the plague.

I know that sounds surprising. But I’m going to share a few examples of how and where website redesigns go bad.

Especially when it comes to destroying all of the hard-earned SEO rankings you’ve built up over time.

Here’s how to avoid sabotaging your own SEO rankings with your redesign.

Site architecture changes cause you to lose links

There are hundreds of rankings factors for SEO.

But backlinks still reign supreme.

External links have been considered ‘votes’ since the beginning of (internet) time. Their quantity, diversity, and authority pass the most influence to raise your position in the SERPs.

Internal links don’t count for as much value. However, they do have a direct influence over someone’s website experience.

I’ll explain.

In 2011, Google Panda was released. It was one of the first reported cases where Google confirmed the use of qualitative factors.

They used a survey with questions like:

Would you trust information from this website?

Is this website written by experts?

Would you give this site your credit card details?

Do the pages on this site have obvious errors?

Does the website provide original content or info?

Would you recognize this site as an authority?

Does this website contain insightful analysis?

Would you consider bookmarking pages on this site?

Are there excessive adverts on this website?

Could pages from this site appear in print?

And they had people individually rate different websites.

Fast forward a few years, and Google also started taking user behavior into account.

They don’t just want to rank websites based on links or content length. They also want to look at the overall experience of that website.

They want to make sure that people find what they’re looking for.

So the better experience visitors have, the more credit the site will get.

What’s one way to ruin an otherwise nice experience?

Broken links that derail someone’s path through your site.

When most companies redesign websites, they start messing with the site architecture.

They create new pages and ditch old ones. Or they take content from one page and add it to another.

Then, they switch up their menus and navigation schemes.

It seems harmless on the surface. The new experience might even be superior to the old one.

But what they don’t realize is that they’re often creating a TON of problems for SEO.

For starters, site architecture changes can ruin hub pages you’ve worked hard to build.

These are like clusters of related pages on your site. And they can help increase your perceived authority on those topics.

Page-level changes also create broken internal links throughout the site.

You know the drill. You try to click on a new page to find related information, only to be met by a 404 error.

One or two isn’t a big issue. Redesigns, however, often create a ton of them all at one time.

For example, let’s say you’re redesigning a hotel or ecommerce website.

Chances are, you’re using a detailed parent-child structure to organize pages.

That means you might have “Rooms” at the top, followed by the individual types of rooms underneath.

The problem is that these structures often change over time.

Maybe you come out with new products or services. Maybe you migrate old rooms into new ones.

One seemingly small change can often create a ripple effect throughout your site.

It might make perfect sense to move your featured rooms up a level or two.

However, any changes to your URL structures don’’t create one or two broken links.

It can literally create hundreds to thousands.

Take blogs for example.

Let’s say you’ve worked hard over the years to create hundreds or thousands of blog posts.

But when it comes time to move over to a new CMS during a site redesign, someone wants to remove the date strings from the URLs.

Heck, all it takes is literally a single click inside WordPress to update Permalink Settings.

So yes, it seems harmless.

I’ve actually seen this mistake time and time again.

Poor, unsuspecting business owners who have their entire websites practically break.

Tens of thousands of page URLs break overnight.

And you know what happens to their rankings?

They drop like a rock.

Fortunately, Google Search Console can help you spot broken links under the Crawl Report.

My favorite tool for technical SEO audits is Screaming Frog.

It will crawl every page on your site, uncovering tons of on-site SEO issues.

For example, you can start by looking for the “Client Error (4XX)” report under Response Codes.

Most of these will be 404 errors, when the status is reported as “Not Found.”

So far, we’ve been focusing almost exclusively on broken internal links.

But that’s not the only way redesign changes can affect your site links.

Think about it this way.

Older, high-authority pages or posts tend to acquire the most backlinks.

The highest value links are also the hardest to get. These include editorial links, for example, that come from journalists or other influencers.

That also means you can’t control them.

So when your page or post URL changes, you will lose all of those external links, too.

This, again, happens all the time.

Permalink updates, moving the blog from a subfolder to subdomain, or even just new product pages replacing old ones can force you to lose all those backlinks.

The best solution? Don’t change old page URLs!

At least, not if you can help it.

Otherwise, another way to side-step this problem is through setting up 301 redirects.

These are ‘permanent’ redirects, telling search engines that the new page has now replaced the old one.

The Quick Page/Post Redirect Plugin for WordPress is one of the most popular options.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. All you have to do is drop in the old “Request” URL and then direct it to the new “Destination” one. The only caveat is that redirects like these should be used sparingly.

What you don’t want to see, is something like this:

Loading up on too many 301 redirects can cause other unintended consequences. And they’re usually a sign that there’s a bigger, underlying issue at play.

It means the site architecture has changed dramatically.

Here’s why too many redirects can also affect your SEO rankings.

Too many 301 redirects can cause slow page speeds

“301” redirects have long been considered the best for SEO.

They indicate a ‘permanent’ change, as opposed to a ‘temporary’ one like a 302 gives off.

Either way, SEOs still feared that redirects would somehow limit the amount of PageRank that flowed through to the site.

Even Google’s own Matt Cutts once indicated some loss.

But in 2016, Google webmaster analyst, Gary Illyes, confirmed that all 3XX links pass full value:

Another Googler, John Mueller, confirmed the same findings.

Why does this all matter?

Because redirects are often now used to update websites to HTTPS. So some SEOs think this is Google’s way to help make sure people adopt it.

Last year, Google Chrome users started seeing new security warnings.

Previously, up to 70% of users would ignore website security warnings. So Google rolled out new ‘Not Secure’ messages for sites that don’t set-up SSL certificates.

Moving from HTTP to HTTPS isn’t as simple as you might think, though.

For example, you can just flip a switch inside Google Search Console to pick the ‘preferred domain’ of your site.

That way, you avoid potential canonicalization issues of your site recognized as two: a “www” and “non-www” option.

As discussed, any URL changes can cause you to lose links.

Architecture changes can break internal links. But you can also lose out on ‘link equity’ if sites link to HTTP and not the new HTTPS-version of your site.

Again, why are we harping on redirects?

Because too many can slow down your site’s performance.

And page speed has been officially confirmed as a ranking factor.

Kinsta ran a test on WordPress to see how redirects affect page speed.

First, they used Pingdom to run a page speed report with no redirect.

The page loaded in around 1.06 seconds. That’s a good score!

Next, they ran the test again. But this time, through a redirected URL.

And check out how it affected page load time:

Crazy, right?!

A redirect increased page load time by 58%.

That’s just a single page redirect, too.

Multiply this across dozens of redirects and you can see the problem.

Even worse, is when multiple redirects occur right after another.

This often happens if you’ve updated a page more than once. As in, multiple redesigns over the years.

One URL redirects to another, which redirects to another. And page speed slows to a crawl.

My favorite tool for diagnosing redirects is the redirect mapper tool from Patrick Sexton.

All you have to do is drop in your URL:

Hit “Go,” and you’ll instantly get feedback on different 301 redirects set up over the years:

Again, fewer is better. Google, themselves, literally says to eliminate as many as possible.

Which could be a problem if you’ve updated content during redesigns.

Here’s why.

Updated content messes with keyword targeting and page optimization

Why would you ever setup two redirects for a single page?

That doesn’t make sense, right?

Of course not. At least, not intentionally.

Yet, it still happens all the time.

Here’s why.

Five years ago, you sold one product or service. Three years ago, it changed. And this year, it’s changing again.

In other words, the purpose behind the page evolves over time. So all of the content on the page changes, too.

It even happens with Skyscraper content. You take a lot of old posts that are underperforming, and redirect them to a new one.

Instead of relying too much on redirects, they should simply ‘refresh’ those old posts. Adding new content and images can boost SEO traffic by 111%.

Multiple redirects in a row cause performance issues.

However, continually changing page content also messes with your keyword targeting and on-site optimization.

Here’s how.

Let’s go back to a hotel example.

Initially, maybe they only have one two room types. But after a renovation, those are expanded.

The original website architecture might just list those first few rooms on the same page. But now, there’s too many.

So you change the “Rooms” page to a category page, which lists out ones underneath it.

The problem is that now your “Rooms” page also has zero content. It just serves as a drop-down now:

If that “Rooms” page was ranking previously, it isn’t anymore.

Now, you have thin content issues, for starters. This is when there’s less than ~300 words on individual pages of your site:

Page length matters because Backlinko’s analysis showed that “the average first-page result on Google contains 1,890 words.”

50% of search queries also contain four words. That means someone is typing in a long-tail keyword to find something specific on that page.

It’s hard to give people the information they’re craving if you’ve literally removed all (or most) of the content.

Content changes during site redesigns also wreck havoc on page metadata.

One of three things usually happens in this case:

The page content has changed, so the old metadata is no longer relevant

New metadata is copied and pasted from other sites

Or the designers and developers completely neglected to add any metadata to updated pages

Once again, Screaming Frog can help you diagnose these issues.

Drop in your URL and search for the meta description option. I like to start here, because it usually indicates a bigger problem at play.

For example, check out the following example. I’ve blurred the site’s name to protect the innocent.

Two problems are happening here. First, the same keyword is being repeated on multiple pages. This could lead to duplicate content issues and reduce their ability to get one main page to rank for that term.

Second, there’s a ton of pages missing a meta description entirely.

Meta descriptions technically don’t help you rank. They do, however, help you increase your SERP click-through rates (CTR). And new data suggests that CTR can often affect rankings directly.

If a page doesn’t have a meta description, search engines will often pull content directly from the page.

But in most cases, it’s random text that gets truncated because it exceeds length requirements.

So it’s not ideal. And people won’t click.

Here’s another common problem to look for:

We’re looking at different restaurant pages on one website. However, they all share the same exact meta description.

Once again, this is a red flag.

The duplicate metadata cannibalizes the chances of your primary page ranking well for this term.

And these inconsistencies typically indicate a larger problem at play.

Most firms that specialize in design will not touch the page’s metadata.

SEO isn’t a high priority for them. They might not have the specialists on staff.

So this is what happens. You get websites shipped that look fantastic, but don’t perform.

Pages have the same copied metadata. Or worse, title tags and descriptions are missing completely.

And at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your website performs — not how it looks.

Redesigns screw up ‘user flow’s that are already working

My biggest problem with website redesigns is that they often screw up what’s already working.

If your business is up-and-running, chances are you already have purchases rolling in each day.

Redesigns that change site architecture or page content often screw this up.

You’re completely jeopardizing revenue.

And ultimately, your website’s ability to generate revenue is its most important aspect.

Changing all of that, without knowing if the new design is going to convert as well as the old design, is a huge gamble.

Results might increase. But you don’t know for sure. That’s exactly the problem.

Think about it this way.

A website’s macro-conversion, like a purchase, is made up of micro-conversions.

To get a sale, you first have to get people to your site. Then get them to visit certain pages. Then possibly opt-into something before they had over payment.

These ‘user flows’ are already playing out across your website.

Changing the sequence of these steps can have massive ramifications on the end goal.

This is the point behind conversion optimization that most people miss.

They think ‘conversion optimization’ means to change a button color or headline.

But in reality, changing how people flow through your site can often have a bigger impact on purchases.

One study, for example, found that optimizing an ecommerce checkout flow could result in an additional $87,175/month. That ~3% conversion increase could add another 23.94% to their top line.

Micro-conversions also extend to the internal links on your pages. These are like the beginning to a new path through your site.

Changing these links doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, now you can see, that it could have a big impact on how people purchase your products or services.

How do you avoid this?

Again, updating your site design is a good thing. But do it incrementally so you can test the effects on each page.

For example, here’s how my Quick Sprout blog looked a few days ago:

Now, compare that to how it looked a few years ago. You can do this yourself using the Wayback Machine.

Pretty similar, right?

Sure, it looks more ‘clean’ and ‘polished’ now. The design is still relevant for today.

However, I did not want to change what was already working. That’s how I like to run website redesigns. I’ll tweak element-by-element or page-by-page.

Then, I’ll use something like Crazy Egg to run tests after each change.

If numbers go down, I’ll revert back to the old design. Even if it seems a little ‘outdated.’

But if numbers go up, I’ll start carrying those new design updates over to my other pages.

That way, you should never, ever lose SEO rankings as a result of a website redesign.

Or, more importantly, you won’t lose revenue, either.

Conclusion

Website design updates should happen regularly.

Design trends change pretty frequently. And you want to make sure your website properly reflects your brand.

What you don’t want to do, however, is sabotaging everything else that’s working.

Large-scale site redesigns can often create tons of problems.

Site architecture changes can lead to performance issues. Content changes ruin your keyword targeting. And changing micro-conversions can drag down your macro-conversions.

The way your website looks is important. But only to a certain point.

The more important issue at play is whether revenue is increasing or decreasing.

Website redesigns can easily screw up your SEO. That causes rankings to fluctuate and traffic to decrease.

Declining traffic, then, brings down revenue with it.

Avoid this trickle-down issue by not changing what’s already working. If you’re going to update something, do it on small elements, first.

That way, you can test the impact in isolation. You can see if it’s going to increase or decrease results on a small scale.

Then, you can pull back to the old design if it’s not working without losing too much traffic or revenue.

And if it is working, you can start applying those proven updates to the rest of your site.

Websites aren’t just fashion statements. More often than not, functionality and performance should outweigh the appearance.

Have you ever experienced traffic drops right after a new website redesign?

About the Author: Neil Patel is the cofounder of Neil Patel Digital.

http://ift.tt/2E6ZKrO from MarketingRSS http://ift.tt/2FRLX8Z via Youtube

[marie85marketing]

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

It seems like most companies redesign their website every year or so.

New trends gain steam, so they want to be more ‘contemporary’ or ‘flat.’

Or new color schemes are en vogue. So every site you visit looks Asana-bright.

Everyone now wants to update their site on the same regular basis.

I love experimenting with new color schemes and trends, too.

Except for one tiny thing.

I hate redesigns.

Design updates are good. They allow you to incrementally make improvements to make sure your site is up-to-date.

But full-scale redesigns?

Where you completely overhaul the site architecture and page content?

You should avoid those like the plague.

I know that sounds surprising. But I’m going to share a few examples of how and where website redesigns go bad.

Especially when it comes to destroying all of the hard-earned SEO rankings you’ve built up over time.

Here’s how to avoid sabotaging your own SEO rankings with your redesign.

Site architecture changes cause you to lose links

There are hundreds of rankings factors for SEO.

But backlinks still reign supreme.

External links have been considered ‘votes’ since the beginning of (internet) time. Their quantity, diversity, and authority pass the most influence to raise your position in the SERPs.

Internal links don’t count for as much value. However, they do have a direct influence over someone’s website experience.

I’ll explain.

In 2011, Google Panda was released. It was one of the first reported cases where Google confirmed the use of qualitative factors.

They used a survey with questions like:

Would you trust information from this website?

Is this website written by experts?

Would you give this site your credit card details?

Do the pages on this site have obvious errors?

Does the website provide original content or info?

Would you recognize this site as an authority?

Does this website contain insightful analysis?

Would you consider bookmarking pages on this site?

Are there excessive adverts on this website?

Could pages from this site appear in print?

And they had people individually rate different websites.

Fast forward a few years, and Google also started taking user behavior into account.

They don’t just want to rank websites based on links or content length. They also want to look at the overall experience of that website.

They want to make sure that people find what they’re looking for.

So the better experience visitors have, the more credit the site will get.

What’s one way to ruin an otherwise nice experience?

Broken links that derail someone’s path through your site.

When most companies redesign websites, they start messing with the site architecture.

They create new pages and ditch old ones. Or they take content from one page and add it to another.

Then, they switch up their menus and navigation schemes.

It seems harmless on the surface. The new experience might even be superior to the old one.

But what they don’t realize is that they’re often creating a TON of problems for SEO.

For starters, site architecture changes can ruin hub pages you’ve worked hard to build.

These are like clusters of related pages on your site. And they can help increase your perceived authority on those topics.

Page-level changes also create broken internal links throughout the site.

You know the drill. You try to click on a new page to find related information, only to be met by a 404 error.

One or two isn’t a big issue. Redesigns, however, often create a ton of them all at one time.

For example, let’s say you’re redesigning a hotel or ecommerce website.

Chances are, you’re using a detailed parent-child structure to organize pages.

That means you might have “Rooms” at the top, followed by the individual types of rooms underneath.

The problem is that these structures often change over time.

Maybe you come out with new products or services. Maybe you migrate old rooms into new ones.

One seemingly small change can often create a ripple effect throughout your site.

It might make perfect sense to move your featured rooms up a level or two.

However, any changes to your URL structures don’’t create one or two broken links.

It can literally create hundreds to thousands.

Take blogs for example.

Let’s say you’ve worked hard over the years to create hundreds or thousands of blog posts.

But when it comes time to move over to a new CMS during a site redesign, someone wants to remove the date strings from the URLs.

Heck, all it takes is literally a single click inside WordPress to update Permalink Settings.

So yes, it seems harmless.

I’ve actually seen this mistake time and time again.

Poor, unsuspecting business owners who have their entire websites practically break.

Tens of thousands of page URLs break overnight.

And you know what happens to their rankings?

They drop like a rock.

Fortunately, Google Search Console can help you spot broken links under the Crawl Report.

My favorite tool for technical SEO audits is Screaming Frog.

It will crawl every page on your site, uncovering tons of on-site SEO issues.

For example, you can start by looking for the “Client Error (4XX)” report under Response Codes.

Most of these will be 404 errors, when the status is reported as “Not Found.”

So far, we’ve been focusing almost exclusively on broken internal links.

But that’s not the only way redesign changes can affect your site links.

Think about it this way.

Older, high-authority pages or posts tend to acquire the most backlinks.

The highest value links are also the hardest to get. These include editorial links, for example, that come from journalists or other influencers.

That also means you can’t control them.

So when your page or post URL changes, you will lose all of those external links, too.

This, again, happens all the time.

Permalink updates, moving the blog from a subfolder to subdomain, or even just new product pages replacing old ones can force you to lose all those backlinks.

The best solution? Don’t change old page URLs!

At least, not if you can help it.

Otherwise, another way to side-step this problem is through setting up 301 redirects.

These are ‘permanent’ redirects, telling search engines that the new page has now replaced the old one.

The Quick Page/Post Redirect Plugin for WordPress is one of the most popular options.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. All you have to do is drop in the old “Request” URL and then direct it to the new “Destination” one. The only caveat is that redirects like these should be used sparingly.

What you don’t want to see, is something like this:

Loading up on too many 301 redirects can cause other unintended consequences. And they’re usually a sign that there’s a bigger, underlying issue at play.

It means the site architecture has changed dramatically.

Here’s why too many redirects can also affect your SEO rankings.

Too many 301 redirects can cause slow page speeds

“301” redirects have long been considered the best for SEO.

They indicate a ‘permanent’ change, as opposed to a ‘temporary’ one like a 302 gives off.

Either way, SEOs still feared that redirects would somehow limit the amount of PageRank that flowed through to the site.

Even Google’s own Matt Cutts once indicated some loss.

But in 2016, Google webmaster analyst, Gary Illyes, confirmed that all 3XX links pass full value:

Another Googler, John Mueller, confirmed the same findings.

Why does this all matter?

Because redirects are often now used to update websites to HTTPS. So some SEOs think this is Google’s way to help make sure people adopt it.

Last year, Google Chrome users started seeing new security warnings.

Previously, up to 70% of users would ignore website security warnings. So Google rolled out new ‘Not Secure’ messages for sites that don’t set-up SSL certificates.

Moving from HTTP to HTTPS isn’t as simple as you might think, though.

For example, you can just flip a switch inside Google Search Console to pick the ‘preferred domain’ of your site.

That way, you avoid potential canonicalization issues of your site recognized as two: a “www” and “non-www” option.

As discussed, any URL changes can cause you to lose links.

Architecture changes can break internal links. But you can also lose out on ‘link equity’ if sites link to HTTP and not the new HTTPS-version of your site.

Again, why are we harping on redirects?

Because too many can slow down your site’s performance.

And page speed has been officially confirmed as a ranking factor.

Kinsta ran a test on WordPress to see how redirects affect page speed.

First, they used Pingdom to run a page speed report with no redirect.

The page loaded in around 1.06 seconds. That’s a good score!

Next, they ran the test again. But this time, through a redirected URL.

And check out how it affected page load time:

Crazy, right?!

A redirect increased page load time by 58%.

That’s just a single page redirect, too.

Multiply this across dozens of redirects and you can see the problem.

Even worse, is when multiple redirects occur right after another.

This often happens if you’ve updated a page more than once. As in, multiple redesigns over the years.

One URL redirects to another, which redirects to another. And page speed slows to a crawl.

My favorite tool for diagnosing redirects is the redirect mapper tool from Patrick Sexton.

All you have to do is drop in your URL:

Hit “Go,” and you’ll instantly get feedback on different 301 redirects set up over the years:

Again, fewer is better. Google, themselves, literally says to eliminate as many as possible.

Which could be a problem if you’ve updated content during redesigns.

Here’s why.

Updated content messes with keyword targeting and page optimization

Why would you ever setup two redirects for a single page?

That doesn’t make sense, right?

Of course not. At least, not intentionally.

Yet, it still happens all the time.

Here’s why.

Five years ago, you sold one product or service. Three years ago, it changed. And this year, it’s changing again.

In other words, the purpose behind the page evolves over time. So all of the content on the page changes, too.

It even happens with Skyscraper content. You take a lot of old posts that are underperforming, and redirect them to a new one.

Instead of relying too much on redirects, they should simply ‘refresh’ those old posts. Adding new content and images can boost SEO traffic by 111%.

Multiple redirects in a row cause performance issues.

However, continually changing page content also messes with your keyword targeting and on-site optimization.

Here’s how.

Let’s go back to a hotel example.

Initially, maybe they only have one two room types. But after a renovation, those are expanded.

The original website architecture might just list those first few rooms on the same page. But now, there’s too many.

So you change the “Rooms” page to a category page, which lists out ones underneath it.

The problem is that now your “Rooms” page also has zero content. It just serves as a drop-down now:

If that “Rooms” page was ranking previously, it isn’t anymore.

Now, you have thin content issues, for starters. This is when there’s less than ~300 words on individual pages of your site:

Page length matters because Backlinko’s analysis showed that “the average first-page result on Google contains 1,890 words.”

50% of search queries also contain four words. That means someone is typing in a long-tail keyword to find something specific on that page.

It’s hard to give people the information they’re craving if you’ve literally removed all (or most) of the content.

Content changes during site redesigns also wreck havoc on page metadata.

One of three things usually happens in this case:

The page content has changed, so the old metadata is no longer relevant

New metadata is copied and pasted from other sites

Or the designers and developers completely neglected to add any metadata to updated pages

Once again, Screaming Frog can help you diagnose these issues.

Drop in your URL and search for the meta description option. I like to start here, because it usually indicates a bigger problem at play.

For example, check out the following example. I’ve blurred the site’s name to protect the innocent.

Two problems are happening here. First, the same keyword is being repeated on multiple pages. This could lead to duplicate content issues and reduce their ability to get one main page to rank for that term.

Second, there’s a ton of pages missing a meta description entirely.

Meta descriptions technically don’t help you rank. They do, however, help you increase your SERP click-through rates (CTR). And new data suggests that CTR can often affect rankings directly.

If a page doesn’t have a meta description, search engines will often pull content directly from the page.

But in most cases, it’s random text that gets truncated because it exceeds length requirements.

So it’s not ideal. And people won’t click.

Here’s another common problem to look for:

We’re looking at different restaurant pages on one website. However, they all share the same exact meta description.

Once again, this is a red flag.

The duplicate metadata cannibalizes the chances of your primary page ranking well for this term.

And these inconsistencies typically indicate a larger problem at play.

Most firms that specialize in design will not touch the page’s metadata.

SEO isn’t a high priority for them. They might not have the specialists on staff.

So this is what happens. You get websites shipped that look fantastic, but don’t perform.

Pages have the same copied metadata. Or worse, title tags and descriptions are missing completely.

And at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your website performs — not how it looks.

Redesigns screw up ‘user flow’s that are already working

My biggest problem with website redesigns is that they often screw up what’s already working.

If your business is up-and-running, chances are you already have purchases rolling in each day.

Redesigns that change site architecture or page content often screw this up.

You’re completely jeopardizing revenue.

And ultimately, your website’s ability to generate revenue is its most important aspect.

Changing all of that, without knowing if the new design is going to convert as well as the old design, is a huge gamble.

Results might increase. But you don’t know for sure. That’s exactly the problem.

Think about it this way.

A website’s macro-conversion, like a purchase, is made up of micro-conversions.

To get a sale, you first have to get people to your site. Then get them to visit certain pages. Then possibly opt-into something before they had over payment.

These ‘user flows’ are already playing out across your website.

Changing the sequence of these steps can have massive ramifications on the end goal.

This is the point behind conversion optimization that most people miss.

They think ‘conversion optimization’ means to change a button color or headline.

But in reality, changing how people flow through your site can often have a bigger impact on purchases.

One study, for example, found that optimizing an ecommerce checkout flow could result in an additional $87,175/month. That ~3% conversion increase could add another 23.94% to their top line.

Micro-conversions also extend to the internal links on your pages. These are like the beginning to a new path through your site.

Changing these links doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, now you can see, that it could have a big impact on how people purchase your products or services.

How do you avoid this?

Again, updating your site design is a good thing. But do it incrementally so you can test the effects on each page.

For example, here’s how my Quick Sprout blog looked a few days ago:

Now, compare that to how it looked a few years ago. You can do this yourself using the Wayback Machine.

Pretty similar, right?

Sure, it looks more ‘clean’ and ‘polished’ now. The design is still relevant for today.

However, I did not want to change what was already working. That’s how I like to run website redesigns. I’ll tweak element-by-element or page-by-page.

Then, I’ll use something like Crazy Egg to run tests after each change.

If numbers go down, I’ll revert back to the old design. Even if it seems a little ‘outdated.’

But if numbers go up, I’ll start carrying those new design updates over to my other pages.

That way, you should never, ever lose SEO rankings as a result of a website redesign.

Or, more importantly, you won’t lose revenue, either.

Conclusion

Website design updates should happen regularly.

Design trends change pretty frequently. And you want to make sure your website properly reflects your brand.

What you don’t want to do, however, is sabotaging everything else that’s working.

Large-scale site redesigns can often create tons of problems.

Site architecture changes can lead to performance issues. Content changes ruin your keyword targeting. And changing micro-conversions can drag down your macro-conversions.

The way your website looks is important. But only to a certain point.

The more important issue at play is whether revenue is increasing or decreasing.

Website redesigns can easily screw up your SEO. That causes rankings to fluctuate and traffic to decrease.

Declining traffic, then, brings down revenue with it.

Avoid this trickle-down issue by not changing what’s already working. If you’re going to update something, do it on small elements, first.

That way, you can test the impact in isolation. You can see if it’s going to increase or decrease results on a small scale.

Then, you can pull back to the old design if it’s not working without losing too much traffic or revenue.

And if it is working, you can start applying those proven updates to the rest of your site.

Websites aren’t just fashion statements. More often than not, functionality and performance should outweigh the appearance.

Have you ever experienced traffic drops right after a new website redesign?

About the Author: Neil Patel is the cofounder of Neil Patel Digital.

[filipeteimuraz]

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

It seems like most companies redesign their website every year or so.

New trends gain steam, so they want to be more ‘contemporary’ or ‘flat.’

Or new color schemes are en vogue. So every site you visit looks Asana-bright.

Everyone now wants to update their site on the same regular basis.

I love experimenting with new color schemes and trends, too.

Except for one tiny thing.

I hate redesigns.

Design updates are good. They allow you to incrementally make improvements to make sure your site is up-to-date.

But full-scale redesigns?

Where you completely overhaul the site architecture and page content?

You should avoid those like the plague.

I know that sounds surprising. But I’m going to share a few examples of how and where website redesigns go bad.

Especially when it comes to destroying all of the hard-earned SEO rankings you’ve built up over time.

Site architecture changes cause you to lose links.

There are hundreds of rankings factors for SEO.

But backlinks still reign supreme.

External links have been considered ‘votes’ since the beginning of (internet) time. Their quantity, diversity, and authority pass the most influence to raise your position in the SERPs.

Internal links don’t count for as much value. However, they do have a direct influence over someone’s website experience.

I’ll explain.

In 2011, Google Panda was released. It was one of the first reported cases where Google confirmed the use of qualitative factors.

They used a survey with questions like:

Would you trust information from this website?

Is this website written by experts?

Would you give this site your credit card details?

Do the pages on this site have obvious errors?

Does the website provide original content or info?

Would you recognize this site as an authority?

Does this website contain insightful analysis?

Would you consider bookmarking pages on this site?

Are there excessive adverts on this website?

Could pages from this site appear in print?

And they had people individually rate different websites.

Fast forward a few years, and Google also started taking user behavior into account.

They don’t just want to rank websites based on links or content length. They also want to look at the overall experience of that website.

They want to make sure that people find what they’re looking for.

So the better experience visitors have, the more credit the site will get.

What’s one way to ruin an otherwise nice experience?

Broken links that derail someone’s path through your site.

When most companies redesign websites, they start messing with the site architecture.

They create new pages and ditch old ones. Or they take content from one page and add it to another.

Then, they switch up their menus and navigation schemes.

It seems harmless on the surface. The new experience might even be superior to the old one.

But what they don’t realize is that they’re often creating a TON of problems for SEO.

For starters, site architecture changes can ruin hub pages you’ve worked hard to build.

These are like clusters of related pages on your site. And they can help increase your perceived authority on those topics.

Page-level changes also create broken internal links throughout the site.

You know the drill. You try to click on a new page to find related information, only to be met by a 404 error.

One or two isn’t a big issue. Redesigns, however, often create a ton of them all at one time.

For example, let’s say you’re redesigning a hotel or ecommerce website.

Chances are, you’re using a detailed parent-child structure to organize pages.

That means you might have “Rooms” at the top, followed by the individual types of rooms underneath.

The problem is that these structures often changes over time.

Maybe you come out with new products or services. Maybe you migrate old rooms into new ones.

One seemingly small change can often create a ripple effect throughout your site.

It might make perfect sense to move your featured rooms up a level or two.

However, any changes to your URL structures doesn’t create one or two broken links.

It can literally create hundreds to thousands.

Take blogs for example.

Let’s say you’ve worked hard over the years to create hundreds or thousands of blog posts.

But when it comes time to move over to a new CMS during a site redesign, someone wants to remove the date strings from the URLs.

Heck, all it takes is literally a single click inside WordPress to update Permalink Settings.

So yes, it seems harmless.

I’ve actually seen this mistake time and time again.

Poor, unsuspecting business owners who have their entire websites practically break.

Tens of thousands of page URLs break overnight.

And you know what happens to their rankings?

They drop like a rock.

Fortunately, Google Search Console can help you spot broken links under the Crawl Report.

My favorite tool for technical SEO audits is Screaming Frog.

It will crawl every page on your site, uncovering tons of on-site SEO issues.

For example, you can start by looking for the “Client Error (4XX)” report under Response Codes.

Most of these will be 404 errors, when the status is reported as “Not Found.”

So far, we’ve been focusing almost exclusively on broken internal links.

But that’s not the only way redesign changes can affect your site links.

Think about it this way.

Older, high-authority pages or posts tend to acquire the most backlinks.

The highest value links are also the hardest to get. These include editorial links, for example, that come from journalists or other influencers.

That also means you can’t control them.

So when your page or post URL changes, you will lose all of those external links, too.

This, again, happens all the time.

Permalink updates, moving the blog from a subfolder to subdomain, or even just new product pages replacing old ones can force you to lose all those backlinks.

The best solution? Don’t change old page URLs!

At least, not if you can help it.

Otherwise, another way to side-step this problem is through setting up 301 redirects.

These are ‘permanent’ redirects, telling search engines that the new page has now replaced the old one.

The Quick Page/Post Redirect Plugin for WordPress is one of the most popular options.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. All you have to do is drop in the old “Request” URL and then direct it to the new “Destination” one. The only caveat is that redirects like these should be used sparingly.

What you don’t want to see, is something like this:

Loading up on too many 301 redirects can cause other unintended consequences. And they’re usually a sign that there’s a bigger, underlying issue at play.

It means the site architecture has changed dramatically.

Here’s why too many redirects can also affect your SEO rankings.

Too many 301 redirects can cause slow page speeds.

“301” redirects have long been considered the best for SEO.

They indicate a ‘permanent’ change, as opposed to a ‘temporary’ one like a 302 gives off.

Either way, SEOs still feared that redirects would somehow limit the amount of PageRank that flowed through to the site.

Even Google’s own Matt Cutts once indicated some loss.

But in 2016, Google webmaster analyst, Gary Illyes, confirmed that all 3XX links pass full value:

30x redirects don't lose PageRank anymore.

— Gary "鯨理" Illyes (@methode) July 26, 2016

Another Googler, John Mueller, confirmed the same findings.

Why does this all matter?

Because redirects are often now used to update websites to HTTPS. So some SEOs think this is Google’s way to help make sure people adopt it.

Last year, Google Chrome users started seeing new security warnings.

Previously, up to 70% of users would ignore website security warnings. So Google rolled out new ‘Not Secure’ messages for sites that don’t set-up SSL certificates.

Moving from HTTP to HTTPS isn’t as simple as you might think, though.

For example, you can just flip a switch inside Google Search Console to pick the ‘preferred domain’ of your site.

That way, you avoid potential canonicalization issues of your site recognized as two: a “www” and “non-www” option.

As discussed, any URL changes can cause you to lose links.

Architecture changes can break internal links. But you can also lose out on ‘link equity’ if sites link to HTTP and not the new HTTPS-version of your site.

Again, why are we harping on redirects?

Because too many can slow down your site’s performance.

And page speed has been officially confirmed as a ranking factor.

Kinsta ran a test on WordPress to see how redirects affect page speed.

First, they used Pingdom to run a page speed report with no redirect.

The page loaded in around 1.06 seconds. That’s a good score!

Next, they ran the test again. But this time, through a redirected URL.

And check out how it affected page load time:

Crazy, right?!

A redirect increased page load time by 58%.

That’s just a single page redirect, too.

Multiply this across dozens of redirects and you can see the problem.

Even worse, are when multiple redirects occur right after another.

This often happens if you’ve updated a page more than once. As in, multiple redesigns over the years.

One URL redirects to another, which redirects to another. And page speed slows to a crawl.

My favorite tool for diagnosing redirects is the redirect mapper tool from Patrick Sexton.

All you have to do is drop in your URL:

Hit “Go,” and you’ll instantly get feedback on different 301 redirects set up over the years:

Again, fewer is better. Google, themselves, literally says to eliminate as many as possible.

Which could be a problem if you’ve updated content during redesigns.

Here’s why.

Updated content messes with keyword targeting and page optimization.

Why would you ever setup two redirects for a single page?

That doesn’t make sense, right?

Of course not. At least, not intentionally.

Yet, it still happens all the time.

Here’s why.

Five years ago, you sold one product or service. Three years ago, it changed. And this year, it’s changing again.

In other words, the purpose behind the page evolves over time. So all of the content on the page changes, too.

It even happens with Skyscraper content. You take a lot of old posts that are underperforming, and redirect them to a new one.

Instead of relying too much on redirects, they should simply ‘refresh’ those old posts. Adding new content and images can boost SEO traffic by 111%.

Multiple redirects in a row cause performance issues.

However, continually changing page content also messes with your keyword targeting and on-site optimization.

Here’s how.

Let’s go back to a hotel example.

Initially, maybe they only have one two room types. But after a renovation, those are expanded.

The original website architecture might just list those first few rooms on the same page. But now, there’s too many.

So you change the “Rooms” page to a category page, that lists out ones underneath it.

The problem is that now your “Rooms” page also has zero content. It just serves as a drop-down now:

If that “Rooms” page was ranking previously, it isn’t anymore.

Now, you have thin content issues, for starters. This is when there’s less than ~300 words on individual pages of your site:

Page length matters because Backlinko’s analysis showed that “the average first-page result on Google contains 1,890 words.”

50% of search queries also contain four words. That means someone is typing in a long-tail keyword to find something specific on that page.

It’s hard to give people the information they’re craving if you’ve literally removed all (or most) of the content.

Content changes during site redesigns also wreck havoc on page metadata.

One of three things usually happens in this case:

The page content has changed, so the old metadata is no longer relevant

New metadata is copied and pasted from other sites

Or the designers and developers completely neglected to add any metadata to updated pages

Once again, Screaming Frog can help you diagnose these issues.

Drop in your URL and search for the meta description option. I like to start here, because it usually indicates a bigger problem at play.

For example, check out the following example. I’ve blurred the site’s name to protect the innocent.

Two problems are happening here. First, the same keyword is being repeated on multiple pages. This could lead to duplicate content issues and reduce their ability to get one main page to rank for that term.

Second, there’s a ton of pages missing a meta description entirely.

Meta descriptions technically don’t help you rank. They do, however, help you increase your SERP click-through rates (CTR). And new data suggests that CTR can often affect rankings directly.

If a page doesn’t have a meta description, search engines will often pull content directly from the page.

But in most cases, it’s random text that gets truncated because it exceeds length requirements.

So it’s not ideal. And people won’t click.

Here’s another common problem to look for:

We’re looking at different restaurante pages on one website. However, they all share the same exact meta description.

Once again, this is a red flag.

The duplicate metadata cannibalizes the chances of your primary page ranking well for this term.

And these inconsistencies typically indicate a larger problem at play.

Most firms that specialize in design will not touch the page’s metadata.

SEO isn’t a high priority for them. They might not have the specialists on staff.

So this is what happens. You get websites shipped that look fantastic, but don’t perform.

Pages have the same copied metadata. Or worse, title tags and descriptions are missing completely.

And at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your website performs — not how it looks.

Redesigns screw up ‘user flow’s that are already working.

My biggest problem with website redesigns is that they often screw up what’s already working.

If your business is up-and-running, chances are you already have purchases rolling in each day.

Redesigns that change site architecture or page content often screw this up.

You’re completely jeopardizing revenue.

And ultimately, your website’s ability to generate revenue is its most important aspect.

Changing all of that, without knowing if the new design is going to convert as well as the old design, is a huge gamble.

Results might increase. But you don’t know for sure. That’s exactly the problem.

Think about it this way.

A website’s macro-conversion, like a purchase, is made up of micro-conversions.

To get a sale, you first have to get people to your site. Then get them to visit certain pages. Then possibly opt-into something before they had over payment.

These ‘user flows’ are already playing out across your website.

Changing the sequence of these steps can have massive ramifications on the end goal.

This is the point behind conversion optimization that most people miss.

They think ‘conversion optimization’ means to change a button color or headline.

But in reality, changing how people flow through your site can often have a bigger impact on purchases.

One study, for example, found that optimizing an ecommerce checkout flow could result in an additional $87,175/month. That ~3% conversion increase could add another 23.94% to their top line.

Micro-conversions also extend to the internal links on your pages. These are like the beginning to a new path through your site.

Changing these links doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, now you can see, that it could have a big impact on how people purchase your products or services.

How do you avoid this?

Again, updating your site design is a good thing. But do it incrementally so you can test the effects on each page.

For example, here’s how my Quick Sprout blog looked a few days ago:

Now, compare that to how it looked a few years ago. You can do this yourself using the Wayback Machine.

Pretty similar, right?

Sure, it looks more ‘clean’ and ‘polished’ now. The design is still relevant for today.

However, I did not want to change what was already working. That’s how I like to run website redesigns. I’ll tweak element by element or page by page.

Then, I’ll use something like Crazy Egg to run tests after each change.

If numbers go down, I’ll revert back to the old design. Even if it seems a little ‘outdated.’

But if numbers go up, I’ll start carrying those new design updates over to my other pages.

That way, you should never, ever lose SEO rankings as a result of a website redesign.

Or, more importantly, you won’t lose revenue, either.

Conclusion

Website design updates should happen regularly.

Design trends change pretty frequently. And you want to make sure your website properly reflects your brand.

What you don’t want to do, however, is sabotaging everything else that’s working.

Large-scale site redesigns can often create tons of problems.

Site architecture changes can lead to performance issues. Content changes ruin your keyword targeting. And changing micro-conversions can drag down your macro-conversions.

The way your website looks is important. But only to a certain point.

The more important issue at play is whether revenue is increasing or decreasing.

Website redesigns can easily screw up your SEO. That causes rankings to fluctuate and traffic to decrease.

Declining traffic, then, brings down revenue with it.

Avoid this trickle-down issue by not changing what’s already working. If you’re going to update something, do it on small elements, first.

That way, you can test the impact in isolation. You can see if it’s going to increase or decrease results on a small scale.

Then, you can pull back to the old design if it’s not working without losing too much traffic or revenue.

And if it is working, you can start applying those proven updates to the rest of your site.

Websites aren’t just fashion statements. More often than not, functionality and performance should outweigh the appearance.

Have you ever experienced traffic drops right after a new website redesign?

About the Author: Neil Patel is the cofounder of Neil Patel Digital.

Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2018/02/why-redesigns-sabotage-your-seo.html

[ericsburden-blog]

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

It seems like most companies redesign their website every year or so.

New trends gain steam, so they want to be more ‘contemporary’ or ‘flat.’

Or new color schemes are en vogue. So every site you visit looks Asana-bright.

Everyone now wants to update their site on the same regular basis.

I love experimenting with new color schemes and trends, too.

Except for one tiny thing.

I hate redesigns.

Design updates are good. They allow you to incrementally make improvements to make sure your site is up-to-date.

But full-scale redesigns?

Where you completely overhaul the site architecture and page content?

You should avoid those like the plague.

I know that sounds surprising. But I’m going to share a few examples of how and where website redesigns go bad.

Especially when it comes to destroying all of the hard-earned SEO rankings you’ve built up over time.

Site architecture changes cause you to lose links.

There are hundreds of rankings factors for SEO.

But backlinks still reign supreme.

External links have been considered ‘votes’ since the beginning of (internet) time. Their quantity, diversity, and authority pass the most influence to raise your position in the SERPs.

Internal links don’t count for as much value. However, they do have a direct influence over someone’s website experience.

I’ll explain.

In 2011, Google Panda was released. It was one of the first reported cases where Google confirmed the use of qualitative factors.

They used a survey with questions like:

Would you trust information from this website?

Is this website written by experts?

Would you give this site your credit card details?

Do the pages on this site have obvious errors?

Does the website provide original content or info?

Would you recognize this site as an authority?

Does this website contain insightful analysis?

Would you consider bookmarking pages on this site?

Are there excessive adverts on this website?

Could pages from this site appear in print?

And they had people individually rate different websites.

Fast forward a few years, and Google also started taking user behavior into account.

They don’t just want to rank websites based on links or content length. They also want to look at the overall experience of that website.

They want to make sure that people find what they’re looking for.

So the better experience visitors have, the more credit the site will get.

What’s one way to ruin an otherwise nice experience?

Broken links that derail someone’s path through your site.

When most companies redesign websites, they start messing with the site architecture.

They create new pages and ditch old ones. Or they take content from one page and add it to another.

Then, they switch up their menus and navigation schemes.

It seems harmless on the surface. The new experience might even be superior to the old one.

But what they don’t realize is that they’re often creating a TON of problems for SEO.

For starters, site architecture changes can ruin hub pages you’ve worked hard to build.

These are like clusters of related pages on your site. And they can help increase your perceived authority on those topics.

Page-level changes also create broken internal links throughout the site.

You know the drill. You try to click on a new page to find related information, only to be met by a 404 error.

One or two isn’t a big issue. Redesigns, however, often create a ton of them all at one time.

For example, let’s say you’re redesigning a hotel or ecommerce website.

Chances are, you’re using a detailed parent-child structure to organize pages.

That means you might have “Rooms” at the top, followed by the individual types of rooms underneath.

The problem is that these structures often changes over time.

Maybe you come out with new products or services. Maybe you migrate old rooms into new ones.

One seemingly small change can often create a ripple effect throughout your site.

It might make perfect sense to move your featured rooms up a level or two.

However, any changes to your URL structures doesn’t create one or two broken links.

It can literally create hundreds to thousands.

Take blogs for example.

Let’s say you’ve worked hard over the years to create hundreds or thousands of blog posts.

But when it comes time to move over to a new CMS during a site redesign, someone wants to remove the date strings from the URLs.

Heck, all it takes is literally a single click inside WordPress to update Permalink Settings.

So yes, it seems harmless.

I’ve actually seen this mistake time and time again.

Poor, unsuspecting business owners who have their entire websites practically break.

Tens of thousands of page URLs break overnight.

And you know what happens to their rankings?

They drop like a rock.

Fortunately, Google Search Console can help you spot broken links under the Crawl Report.

My favorite tool for technical SEO audits is Screaming Frog.

It will crawl every page on your site, uncovering tons of on-site SEO issues.

For example, you can start by looking for the “Client Error (4XX)” report under Response Codes.

Most of these will be 404 errors, when the status is reported as “Not Found.”

So far, we’ve been focusing almost exclusively on broken internal links.

But that’s not the only way redesign changes can affect your site links.

Think about it this way.

Older, high-authority pages or posts tend to acquire the most backlinks.

The highest value links are also the hardest to get. These include editorial links, for example, that come from journalists or other influencers.

That also means you can’t control them.

So when your page or post URL changes, you will lose all of those external links, too.

This, again, happens all the time.

Permalink updates, moving the blog from a subfolder to subdomain, or even just new product pages replacing old ones can force you to lose all those backlinks.

The best solution? Don’t change old page URLs!

At least, not if you can help it.

Otherwise, another way to side-step this problem is through setting up 301 redirects.

These are ‘permanent’ redirects, telling search engines that the new page has now replaced the old one.

The Quick Page/Post Redirect Plugin for WordPress is one of the most popular options.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. All you have to do is drop in the old “Request” URL and then direct it to the new “Destination” one. The only caveat is that redirects like these should be used sparingly.

What you don’t want to see, is something like this:

Loading up on too many 301 redirects can cause other unintended consequences. And they’re usually a sign that there’s a bigger, underlying issue at play.

It means the site architecture has changed dramatically.

Here’s why too many redirects can also affect your SEO rankings.

Too many 301 redirects can cause slow page speeds.

“301” redirects have long been considered the best for SEO.

They indicate a ‘permanent’ change, as opposed to a ‘temporary’ one like a 302 gives off.

Either way, SEOs still feared that redirects would somehow limit the amount of PageRank that flowed through to the site.

Even Google’s own Matt Cutts once indicated some loss.

But in 2016, Google webmaster analyst, Gary Illyes, confirmed that all 3XX links pass full value:

30x redirects don't lose PageRank anymore.

— Gary "鯨理" Illyes (@methode) July 26, 2016

Another Googler, John Mueller, confirmed the same findings.

Why does this all matter?

Because redirects are often now used to update websites to HTTPS. So some SEOs think this is Google’s way to help make sure people adopt it.

Last year, Google Chrome users started seeing new security warnings.

Previously, up to 70% of users would ignore website security warnings. So Google rolled out new ‘Not Secure’ messages for sites that don’t set-up SSL certificates.

Moving from HTTP to HTTPS isn’t as simple as you might think, though.

For example, you can just flip a switch inside Google Search Console to pick the ‘preferred domain’ of your site.

That way, you avoid potential canonicalization issues of your site recognized as two: a “www” and “non-www” option.

As discussed, any URL changes can cause you to lose links.

Architecture changes can break internal links. But you can also lose out on ‘link equity’ if sites link to HTTP and not the new HTTPS-version of your site.

Again, why are we harping on redirects?

Because too many can slow down your site’s performance.

And page speed has been officially confirmed as a ranking factor.

Kinsta ran a test on WordPress to see how redirects affect page speed.

First, they used Pingdom to run a page speed report with no redirect.

The page loaded in around 1.06 seconds. That’s a good score!

Next, they ran the test again. But this time, through a redirected URL.

And check out how it affected page load time:

Crazy, right?!

A redirect increased page load time by 58%.

That’s just a single page redirect, too.

Multiply this across dozens of redirects and you can see the problem.

Even worse, are when multiple redirects occur right after another.

This often happens if you’ve updated a page more than once. As in, multiple redesigns over the years.

One URL redirects to another, which redirects to another. And page speed slows to a crawl.

My favorite tool for diagnosing redirects is the redirect mapper tool from Patrick Sexton.

All you have to do is drop in your URL:

Hit “Go,” and you’ll instantly get feedback on different 301 redirects set up over the years:

Again, fewer is better. Google, themselves, literally says to eliminate as many as possible.

Which could be a problem if you’ve updated content during redesigns.

Here’s why.

Updated content messes with keyword targeting and page optimization.

Why would you ever setup two redirects for a single page?

That doesn’t make sense, right?

Of course not. At least, not intentionally.

Yet, it still happens all the time.

Here’s why.

Five years ago, you sold one product or service. Three years ago, it changed. And this year, it’s changing again.

In other words, the purpose behind the page evolves over time. So all of the content on the page changes, too.

It even happens with Skyscraper content. You take a lot of old posts that are underperforming, and redirect them to a new one.

Instead of relying too much on redirects, they should simply ‘refresh’ those old posts. Adding new content and images can boost SEO traffic by 111%.

Multiple redirects in a row cause performance issues.

However, continually changing page content also messes with your keyword targeting and on-site optimization.

Here’s how.

Let’s go back to a hotel example.

Initially, maybe they only have one two room types. But after a renovation, those are expanded.

The original website architecture might just list those first few rooms on the same page. But now, there’s too many.

So you change the “Rooms” page to a category page, that lists out ones underneath it.

The problem is that now your “Rooms” page also has zero content. It just serves as a drop-down now:

If that “Rooms” page was ranking previously, it isn’t anymore.

Now, you have thin content issues, for starters. This is when there’s less than ~300 words on individual pages of your site:

Page length matters because Backlinko’s analysis showed that “the average first-page result on Google contains 1,890 words.”

50% of search queries also contain four words. That means someone is typing in a long-tail keyword to find something specific on that page.

It’s hard to give people the information they’re craving if you’ve literally removed all (or most) of the content.

Content changes during site redesigns also wreck havoc on page metadata.

One of three things usually happens in this case:

The page content has changed, so the old metadata is no longer relevant

New metadata is copied and pasted from other sites

Or the designers and developers completely neglected to add any metadata to updated pages

Once again, Screaming Frog can help you diagnose these issues.

Drop in your URL and search for the meta description option. I like to start here, because it usually indicates a bigger problem at play.

For example, check out the following example. I’ve blurred the site’s name to protect the innocent.

Two problems are happening here. First, the same keyword is being repeated on multiple pages. This could lead to duplicate content issues and reduce their ability to get one main page to rank for that term.

Second, there’s a ton of pages missing a meta description entirely.

Meta descriptions technically don’t help you rank. They do, however, help you increase your SERP click-through rates (CTR). And new data suggests that CTR can often affect rankings directly.

If a page doesn’t have a meta description, search engines will often pull content directly from the page.

But in most cases, it’s random text that gets truncated because it exceeds length requirements.

So it’s not ideal. And people won’t click.

Here’s another common problem to look for:

We’re looking at different restaurante pages on one website. However, they all share the same exact meta description.

Once again, this is a red flag.

The duplicate metadata cannibalizes the chances of your primary page ranking well for this term.

And these inconsistencies typically indicate a larger problem at play.

Most firms that specialize in design will not touch the page’s metadata.

SEO isn’t a high priority for them. They might not have the specialists on staff.

So this is what happens. You get websites shipped that look fantastic, but don’t perform.

Pages have the same copied metadata. Or worse, title tags and descriptions are missing completely.

And at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your website performs — not how it looks.

Redesigns screw up ‘user flow’s that are already working.

My biggest problem with website redesigns is that they often screw up what’s already working.

If your business is up-and-running, chances are you already have purchases rolling in each day.

Redesigns that change site architecture or page content often screw this up.

You’re completely jeopardizing revenue.

And ultimately, your website’s ability to generate revenue is its most important aspect.

Changing all of that, without knowing if the new design is going to convert as well as the old design, is a huge gamble.

Results might increase. But you don’t know for sure. That’s exactly the problem.

Think about it this way.

A website’s macro-conversion, like a purchase, is made up of micro-conversions.

To get a sale, you first have to get people to your site. Then get them to visit certain pages. Then possibly opt-into something before they had over payment.

These ‘user flows’ are already playing out across your website.

Changing the sequence of these steps can have massive ramifications on the end goal.

This is the point behind conversion optimization that most people miss.

They think ‘conversion optimization’ means to change a button color or headline.

But in reality, changing how people flow through your site can often have a bigger impact on purchases.

One study, for example, found that optimizing an ecommerce checkout flow could result in an additional $87,175/month. That ~3% conversion increase could add another 23.94% to their top line.

Micro-conversions also extend to the internal links on your pages. These are like the beginning to a new path through your site.

Changing these links doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, now you can see, that it could have a big impact on how people purchase your products or services.

How do you avoid this?

Again, updating your site design is a good thing. But do it incrementally so you can test the effects on each page.

For example, here’s how my Quick Sprout blog looked a few days ago:

Now, compare that to how it looked a few years ago. You can do this yourself using the Wayback Machine.

Pretty similar, right?

Sure, it looks more ‘clean’ and ‘polished’ now. The design is still relevant for today.

However, I did not want to change what was already working. That’s how I like to run website redesigns. I’ll tweak element by element or page by page.

Then, I’ll use something like Crazy Egg to run tests after each change.

If numbers go down, I’ll revert back to the old design. Even if it seems a little ‘outdated.’

But if numbers go up, I’ll start carrying those new design updates over to my other pages.

That way, you should never, ever lose SEO rankings as a result of a website redesign.

Or, more importantly, you won’t lose revenue, either.

Conclusion

Website design updates should happen regularly.

Design trends change pretty frequently. And you want to make sure your website properly reflects your brand.

What you don’t want to do, however, is sabotaging everything else that’s working.

Large-scale site redesigns can often create tons of problems.

Site architecture changes can lead to performance issues. Content changes ruin your keyword targeting. And changing micro-conversions can drag down your macro-conversions.

The way your website looks is important. But only to a certain point.

The more important issue at play is whether revenue is increasing or decreasing.

Website redesigns can easily screw up your SEO. That causes rankings to fluctuate and traffic to decrease.

Declining traffic, then, brings down revenue with it.

Avoid this trickle-down issue by not changing what’s already working. If you’re going to update something, do it on small elements, first.

That way, you can test the impact in isolation. You can see if it’s going to increase or decrease results on a small scale.

Then, you can pull back to the old design if it’s not working without losing too much traffic or revenue.

And if it is working, you can start applying those proven updates to the rest of your site.

Websites aren’t just fashion statements. More often than not, functionality and performance should outweigh the appearance.

Have you ever experienced traffic drops right after a new website redesign?

About the Author: Neil Patel is the cofounder of Neil Patel Digital.

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

[reviewandbonuss]

Why Redesigns Sabotage Your SEO Rankings (And How to Avoid It)

It seems like most companies redesign their website every year or so.

New trends gain steam, so they want to be more ‘contemporary’ or ‘flat.’

Or new color schemes are en vogue. So every site you visit looks Asana-bright.

Everyone now wants to update their site on the same regular basis.

I love experimenting with new color schemes and trends, too.

Except for one tiny thing.

I hate redesigns.

Design updates are good. They allow you to incrementally make improvements to make sure your site is up-to-date.

But full-scale redesigns?

Where you completely overhaul the site architecture and page content?

You should avoid those like the plague.

I know that sounds surprising. But I’m going to share a few examples of how and where website redesigns go bad.

Especially when it comes to destroying all of the hard-earned SEO rankings you’ve built up over time.

Site architecture changes cause you to lose links.

There are hundreds of rankings factors for SEO.

But backlinks still reign supreme.

External links have been considered ‘votes’ since the beginning of (internet) time. Their quantity, diversity, and authority pass the most influence to raise your position in the SERPs.

Internal links don’t count for as much value. However, they do have a direct influence over someone’s website experience.

I’ll explain.

In 2011, Google Panda was released. It was one of the first reported cases where Google confirmed the use of qualitative factors.

They used a survey with questions like:

Would you trust information from this website?

Is this website written by experts?

Would you give this site your credit card details?

Do the pages on this site have obvious errors?

Does the website provide original content or info?

Would you recognize this site as an authority?

Does this website contain insightful analysis?

Would you consider bookmarking pages on this site?

Are there excessive adverts on this website?

Could pages from this site appear in print?

And they had people individually rate different websites.

Fast forward a few years, and Google also started taking user behavior into account.

They don’t just want to rank websites based on links or content length. They also want to look at the overall experience of that website.

They want to make sure that people find what they’re looking for.

So the better experience visitors have, the more credit the site will get.

What’s one way to ruin an otherwise nice experience?

Broken links that derail someone’s path through your site.

When most companies redesign websites, they start messing with the site architecture.

They create new pages and ditch old ones. Or they take content from one page and add it to another.

Then, they switch up their menus and navigation schemes.

It seems harmless on the surface. The new experience might even be superior to the old one.

But what they don’t realize is that they’re often creating a TON of problems for SEO.

For starters, site architecture changes can ruin hub pages you’ve worked hard to build.

These are like clusters of related pages on your site. And they can help increase your perceived authority on those topics.

Page-level changes also create broken internal links throughout the site.

You know the drill. You try to click on a new page to find related information, only to be met by a 404 error.

One or two isn’t a big issue. Redesigns, however, often create a ton of them all at one time.

For example, let’s say you’re redesigning a hotel or ecommerce website.

Chances are, you’re using a detailed parent-child structure to organize pages.

That means you might have “Rooms” at the top, followed by the individual types of rooms underneath.

The problem is that these structures often changes over time.

Maybe you come out with new products or services. Maybe you migrate old rooms into new ones.

One seemingly small change can often create a ripple effect throughout your site.

It might make perfect sense to move your featured rooms up a level or two.

However, any changes to your URL structures doesn’t create one or two broken links.

It can literally create hundreds to thousands.

Take blogs for example.

Let’s say you’ve worked hard over the years to create hundreds or thousands of blog posts.

But when it comes time to move over to a new CMS during a site redesign, someone wants to remove the date strings from the URLs.

Heck, all it takes is literally a single click inside WordPress to update Permalink Settings.

So yes, it seems harmless.

I’ve actually seen this mistake time and time again.

Poor, unsuspecting business owners who have their entire websites practically break.

Tens of thousands of page URLs break overnight.

And you know what happens to their rankings?

They drop like a rock.

Fortunately, Google Search Console can help you spot broken links under the Crawl Report.

My favorite tool for technical SEO audits is Screaming Frog.

It will crawl every page on your site, uncovering tons of on-site SEO issues.

For example, you can start by looking for the “Client Error (4XX)” report under Response Codes.

Most of these will be 404 errors, when the status is reported as “Not Found.”

So far, we’ve been focusing almost exclusively on broken internal links.

But that’s not the only way redesign changes can affect your site links.

Think about it this way.

Older, high-authority pages or posts tend to acquire the most backlinks.

The highest value links are also the hardest to get. These include editorial links, for example, that come from journalists or other influencers.

That also means you can’t control them.

So when your page or post URL changes, you will lose all of those external links, too.

This, again, happens all the time.

Permalink updates, moving the blog from a subfolder to subdomain, or even just new product pages replacing old ones can force you to lose all those backlinks.

The best solution? Don’t change old page URLs!

At least, not if you can help it.

Otherwise, another way to side-step this problem is through setting up 301 redirects.

These are ‘permanent’ redirects, telling search engines that the new page has now replaced the old one.

The Quick Page/Post Redirect Plugin for WordPress is one of the most popular options.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. All you have to do is drop in the old “Request” URL and then direct it to the new “Destination” one. The only caveat is that redirects like these should be used sparingly.

What you don’t want to see, is something like this:

Loading up on too many 301 redirects can cause other unintended consequences. And they’re usually a sign that there’s a bigger, underlying issue at play.

It means the site architecture has changed dramatically.

Here’s why too many redirects can also affect your SEO rankings.

Too many 301 redirects can cause slow page speeds.

“301” redirects have long been considered the best for SEO.

They indicate a ‘permanent’ change, as opposed to a ‘temporary’ one like a 302 gives off.

Either way, SEOs still feared that redirects would somehow limit the amount of PageRank that flowed through to the site.

Even Google’s own Matt Cutts once indicated some loss.

But in 2016, Google webmaster analyst, Gary Illyes, confirmed that all 3XX links pass full value:

30x redirects don't lose PageRank anymore.

— Gary "鯨理" Illyes (@methode) July 26, 2016

Another Googler, John Mueller, confirmed the same findings.

Why does this all matter?

Because redirects are often now used to update websites to HTTPS. So some SEOs think this is Google’s way to help make sure people adopt it.

Last year, Google Chrome users started seeing new security warnings.

Previously, up to 70% of users would ignore website security warnings. So Google rolled out new ‘Not Secure’ messages for sites that don’t set-up SSL certificates.

Moving from HTTP to HTTPS isn’t as simple as you might think, though.

For example, you can just flip a switch inside Google Search Console to pick the ‘preferred domain’ of your site.

That way, you avoid potential canonicalization issues of your site recognized as two: a “www” and “non-www” option.

As discussed, any URL changes can cause you to lose links.

Architecture changes can break internal links. But you can also lose out on ‘link equity’ if sites link to HTTP and not the new HTTPS-version of your site.

Again, why are we harping on redirects?

Because too many can slow down your site’s performance.

And page speed has been officially confirmed as a ranking factor.

Kinsta ran a test on WordPress to see how redirects affect page speed.

First, they used Pingdom to run a page speed report with no redirect.

The page loaded in around 1.06 seconds. That’s a good score!

Next, they ran the test again. But this time, through a redirected URL.

And check out how it affected page load time:

Crazy, right?!

A redirect increased page load time by 58%.

That’s just a single page redirect, too.

Multiply this across dozens of redirects and you can see the problem.

Even worse, are when multiple redirects occur right after another.

This often happens if you’ve updated a page more than once. As in, multiple redesigns over the years.

One URL redirects to another, which redirects to another. And page speed slows to a crawl.

My favorite tool for diagnosing redirects is the redirect mapper tool from Patrick Sexton.

All you have to do is drop in your URL:

Hit “Go,” and you’ll instantly get feedback on different 301 redirects set up over the years:

Again, fewer is better. Google, themselves, literally says to eliminate as many as possible.

Which could be a problem if you’ve updated content during redesigns.

Here’s why.

Updated content messes with keyword targeting and page optimization.

Why would you ever setup two redirects for a single page?

That doesn’t make sense, right?

Of course not. At least, not intentionally.

Yet, it still happens all the time.

Here’s why.

Five years ago, you sold one product or service. Three years ago, it changed. And this year, it’s changing again.

In other words, the purpose behind the page evolves over time. So all of the content on the page changes, too.

It even happens with Skyscraper content. You take a lot of old posts that are underperforming, and redirect them to a new one.

Instead of relying too much on redirects, they should simply ‘refresh’ those old posts. Adding new content and images can boost SEO traffic by 111%.

Multiple redirects in a row cause performance issues.

However, continually changing page content also messes with your keyword targeting and on-site optimization.

Here’s how.

Let’s go back to a hotel example.

Initially, maybe they only have one two room types. But after a renovation, those are expanded.

The original website architecture might just list those first few rooms on the same page. But now, there’s too many.

So you change the “Rooms” page to a category page, that lists out ones underneath it.

The problem is that now your “Rooms” page also has zero content. It just serves as a drop-down now:

If that “Rooms” page was ranking previously, it isn’t anymore.

Now, you have thin content issues, for starters. This is when there’s less than ~300 words on individual pages of your site:

Page length matters because Backlinko’s analysis showed that “the average first-page result on Google contains 1,890 words.”

50% of search queries also contain four words. That means someone is typing in a long-tail keyword to find something specific on that page.

It’s hard to give people the information they’re craving if you’ve literally removed all (or most) of the content.

Content changes during site redesigns also wreck havoc on page metadata.

One of three things usually happens in this case:

The page content has changed, so the old metadata is no longer relevant

New metadata is copied and pasted from other sites

Or the designers and developers completely neglected to add any metadata to updated pages

Once again, Screaming Frog can help you diagnose these issues.

Drop in your URL and search for the meta description option. I like to start here, because it usually indicates a bigger problem at play.

For example, check out the following example. I’ve blurred the site’s name to protect the innocent.

Two problems are happening here. First, the same keyword is being repeated on multiple pages. This could lead to duplicate content issues and reduce their ability to get one main page to rank for that term.

Second, there’s a ton of pages missing a meta description entirely.

Meta descriptions technically don’t help you rank. They do, however, help you increase your SERP click-through rates (CTR). And new data suggests that CTR can often affect rankings directly.

If a page doesn’t have a meta description, search engines will often pull content directly from the page.

But in most cases, it’s random text that gets truncated because it exceeds length requirements.

So it’s not ideal. And people won’t click.

Here’s another common problem to look for:

We’re looking at different restaurante pages on one website. However, they all share the same exact meta description.

Once again, this is a red flag.

The duplicate metadata cannibalizes the chances of your primary page ranking well for this term.

And these inconsistencies typically indicate a larger problem at play.

Most firms that specialize in design will not touch the page’s metadata.

SEO isn’t a high priority for them. They might not have the specialists on staff.

So this is what happens. You get websites shipped that look fantastic, but don’t perform.

Pages have the same copied metadata. Or worse, title tags and descriptions are missing completely.

And at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how your website performs — not how it looks.

Redesigns screw up ‘user flow’s that are already working.

My biggest problem with website redesigns is that they often screw up what’s already working.

If your business is up-and-running, chances are you already have purchases rolling in each day.

Redesigns that change site architecture or page content often screw this up.

You’re completely jeopardizing revenue.

And ultimately, your website’s ability to generate revenue is its most important aspect.

Changing all of that, without knowing if the new design is going to convert as well as the old design, is a huge gamble.

Results might increase. But you don’t know for sure. That’s exactly the problem.

Think about it this way.

A website’s macro-conversion, like a purchase, is made up of micro-conversions.

To get a sale, you first have to get people to your site. Then get them to visit certain pages. Then possibly opt-into something before they had over payment.

These ‘user flows’ are already playing out across your website.

Changing the sequence of these steps can have massive ramifications on the end goal.

This is the point behind conversion optimization that most people miss.

They think ‘conversion optimization’ means to change a button color or headline.

But in reality, changing how people flow through your site can often have a bigger impact on purchases.

One study, for example, found that optimizing an ecommerce checkout flow could result in an additional $87,175/month. That ~3% conversion increase could add another 23.94% to their top line.

Micro-conversions also extend to the internal links on your pages. These are like the beginning to a new path through your site.

Changing these links doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, now you can see, that it could have a big impact on how people purchase your products or services.

How do you avoid this?

Again, updating your site design is a good thing. But do it incrementally so you can test the effects on each page.

For example, here’s how my Quick Sprout blog looked a few days ago:

Now, compare that to how it looked a few years ago. You can do this yourself using the Wayback Machine.

Pretty similar, right?

Sure, it looks more ‘clean’ and ‘polished’ now. The design is still relevant for today.

However, I did not want to change what was already working. That’s how I like to run website redesigns. I’ll tweak element by element or page by page.

Then, I’ll use something like Crazy Egg to run tests after each change.

If numbers go down, I’ll revert back to the old design. Even if it seems a little ‘outdated.’

But if numbers go up, I’ll start carrying those new design updates over to my other pages.

That way, you should never, ever lose SEO rankings as a result of a website redesign.

Or, more importantly, you won’t lose revenue, either.

Conclusion

Website design updates should happen regularly.

Design trends change pretty frequently. And you want to make sure your website properly reflects your brand.

What you don’t want to do, however, is sabotaging everything else that’s working.

Large-scale site redesigns can often create tons of problems.

Site architecture changes can lead to performance issues. Content changes ruin your keyword targeting. And changing micro-conversions can drag down your macro-conversions.

The way your website looks is important. But only to a certain point.

The more important issue at play is whether revenue is increasing or decreasing.

Website redesigns can easily screw up your SEO. That causes rankings to fluctuate and traffic to decrease.

Declining traffic, then, brings down revenue with it.

Avoid this trickle-down issue by not changing what’s already working. If you’re going to update something, do it on small elements, first.

That way, you can test the impact in isolation. You can see if it’s going to increase or decrease results on a small scale.

Then, you can pull back to the old design if it’s not working without losing too much traffic or revenue.

And if it is working, you can start applying those proven updates to the rest of your site.

Websites aren’t just fashion statements. More often than not, functionality and performance should outweigh the appearance.

Have you ever experienced traffic drops right after a new website redesign?

About the Author: Neil Patel is the cofounder of Neil Patel Digital.