#almost everything sucks until the kid gets there. and then it slowly gets better

[multishipper-baby]

Having weird cringefail thoughts tonight.

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

listening to music in his car

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

(cw: age gap 25/41, nsfw, pure smutty smut, consensual somno, light degradation, butt stuff, mdni)

👑 (king): whats going on? is something wrong? you’re much less chatty today me: I just had a really shitty day at work do you have some time? 👑 (king): yes me: can you pick me up and we just drive around and listen to music in your car? 👑 (king): be there in 10

He’s right, I am being much less chatty today. The truth is he has been on my mind all day, but work has been kicking my butt.

We didn’t see each other ever since he brought me to work yesterday in the morning. He insisted on it after almost making me late – for reasons. We hurried along, and I made us some coffee quickly, then we were out the door, into the car, and driving to my workplace.

The goodbye was a little awkward because I needed to get into work, but I couldn’t really tear myself away from him. His hand grabbed my chin and he kissed me one last time.

“Come on now, before I’m making you late again.”, he said, those words finally getting me to go, even though his hooded lids and the way he was looking at me made me want to climb onto his lap and fuck him again.

To say I had a hard time concentrating at work would be an understatement because I kept thinking about that morning. How he woke me up.

Soft licks on my pussy slowly but surely coaxing me awake, and the first thing I saw, was his head between my legs, his tongue dipping into me, the rosy tip disappearing inside me, which almost made me come on the spot. His hair was falling to the side, covering my thigh, brushing over the skin when he moved his head.

A soft moan escaped my lips which had him look up at me, his brows raising slightly, as I squirmed against his lips. “Good morning.”, he whispered softly against my pussy before he licked it again.

Heaven. I slowly stretch myself, grinding myself on his face, his nose nudging against my clit. Answering with a little tired “good morning”, a breathy sound, that made him chuckle, little puffs of air hitting the sensitive wet folds.

His hands gripped my thighs, spreading me for him, as he started to lick and suck more eagerly now that I’m awake. The zaps of pleasure, that shook me when he nipped at the sensitive skin, pushed my sleepiness away until I was a writhing wet mess coming undone on his tongue.

He didn’t stop at the one, this time using his fingers as well. Slowly and sweetly coaxing the second release out of me while he was sucking my clit. Licking up my arousal, even cleaning up his fingers that had been deep inside me.

I caught myself looking into the void, my mind coming back to his head between my legs more than once. My god, I needed to get a grip.

Such an event came in the form of our boss firing half the department. I didn’t get laid off, but I have been picking up the scraps ever since. Trying to figure out how the others managed their clients. How to distribute the tasks between the remaining workers.

Yesterday evening I met with a friend, one I have known for a very long time and who already has a husband and kids and the whole shebang, that’s why I didn’t wanna give her a raincheck. To be honest, I needed somebody to talk to about this whole mess. And also brag about my new acquaintance.

I fell into bed after coming home from having drinks with her. I maaaybe had one too many which almost made me late again (which is not a good look after half your department had been fired). Working on double speed to get everything done that piled up just overnight. And I sent König a few messages. But not nearly talking as much as before the concert.

Now that I see his message again “is something wrong?”, a pang of guilt hits me. I could’ve explained it to him better. I could’ve just texted him more. I could’ve just said that I’ll tell him later. That I just was busy and it had nothing to do with him. Shit.

I leave my apartment and wait for him on the curb, waving at him, when he drives closer and parks right in front of me.

“König Private Chauffeur inc. – at your service.”, he jokes as I get in the car, which makes me laugh.

“Thanks for picking me up.”, I tell him, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden. Can I kiss him? Is he… mad at me? He wouldn’t have made a joke like that or even picked me up, if he is, right?

I decide to first talk and then maybe steal a kiss later if he still feels up to it. I clasp my hands together and place them in my lap. The music from the speakers is a bit more quiet than last time, but I still recognise Dark Tranquility’s ‘Lethe’. He pulls out the driveway and starts driving at a pace above the speed limit that won’t get him in trouble if we get pulled over.

“I need to apologise.”, I start. He just looks at me for a moment, the expression on his face unreadable, before looking to the front again. And I’m aware of his serious intensity, while there is something still bubbling underneath. The same thing that just made him make the joke about being my chauffeur.

“Something happened at work and I was superbusy and yesterday in the evening I met with a friend, I told you about that, didn’t I?”, I yapp, not waiting for an answer. “And when I saw your messages, that was when I realized that I had barely texted you and didn’t even explain myself, and how that must’ve look after…” I trail off.

“I started to get worried.”, he admits. “But I didn’t want to press you because it’s not my place.” He clears his throat. “And for a little bit, I thought you maybe regretted it. What we did.”, he says with a wry smile on his face. And my stomach drops – just a little bit.

“What, no?! I just had the shittiest two days ever at work, so I didn’t have that much time to text you.”, I exclaim, reaching my hand out to touch his arm, and his gaze drops down to it for just a little bit, panning back up to me. “I swear, it had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry.” I smile at him and he nods, some of the worry dissipating. “And I don’t regret sleeping with you. Not in the slightest.”, I tell him, looking directly at him, so he knows I’m serious. I can feel the tension drop out of him, at least some of it, his shoulders relaxing ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna… I thought that maybe the age difference…”, he starts to explain, but breaks off twice. “It seems, I was overthinking it.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be sorry.” To be fair, I would have never thought that it would give him some kind of insecurity – this kind of insecurity. But his messages and his words make it clear that he cared more about the whole ordeal than I thought. I pull my hand back, hesitatingly, not really knowing what else to say. His doubts were only in his head, not in mine.

"I’m gonna be honest with you, I didn't have any dates or sleepovers of that kind in like… probably four or five years?”, he says, the sentence more sounding like a question. “So, I’m a bit rusty.”

To say I’m flabbergasted by his admission would be an understatement. “Really?”, I ask. How? would be the next question. But I bite my tongue.

He shrugs his shoulders, seeming more nonchalant than he perhaps really is. “Yeah. I was too busy with work.”, he just says, but I can still see little nervous ticks happening all over his body. His thumb drumming on the steering wheel, his left leg bouncing up and down a bit. His other hand fidgeting with the gear shift, dropping down, grazing my thigh ever so slightly. Just the slight touch against my jeans makes me hyperaware of how close he is. The interior of the car is spacious enough, but due to his sheer size that doesn’t really matter. I lean more to the side, towards the center console, even closer to him.

“So, what happened at work?”, he asks then, seemingly not wanting to talk about his dating life anymore. I tell him about the whole mess with the department, and how I’m surprised that even though my boss doesn’t like me very much, I didn’t get cut, and that I now have all of Rhonda’s clients and they’re not happy about that either.

“So yeah, I’ve been extra busy and I can’t really slack because they’ll probably fire me too then.”, I conclude my extensive retelling of my last two work days.

“I see.”, he says.

Silence falls over us, ‘Spiritual Healing’ from Death sounding from the speakers.

“And… it really wasn’t anything I did?”, he asks then, his eyes darting to me.

I tilt my head at him, like ‘you’re seriously asking me this?’. “No, I swear. Everything is good. It was…” I look to the front as red-hot blush floods my cheeks. My god, this man made me cum twice on his tongue right after waking up without wanting any favours – sexual or otherwise – in return. And he feared that he did something wrong.

I clear my throat, trying to calm myself down, thinking about that whole ordeal, but it wasn’t working at all. Especially because he catches on how flustered I am. “It was good. Had a hard time thinking about anything else, when I really needed to focus on work.”, I confess. And not just the thing in the morning, right. The concert we went to together, the conversation in the car afterward, when we hooked up and he stayed over… A very dreamy first date – if you can call it that – in my book.

“I see. That’s…” His lips quirk as he’s trying to stay serious, but I can see him breaking, turning his mouth up into a smirk. “That’s good to know.”

“Don’t grin like that.”, I tell him, a little pouty, which only makes him laugh, while he takes a turn, so we’re heading down the road that leads outside the city.

His hand mindlessly wanders to his lips, his thumb softly stroking over his lower lips, like he’s also thinking about what we did, the reminder of how we kissed making my mouth drop open ever so slightly.

He sees the way I’m looking at him, and the pointer finger hooks in a ‘come hither’ motion. It doesn't take more than that. I lean towards him, bending up to reach him, my hand gripping his forearm, and I press my lips to his, feeling their softness. Just a short kiss because he’s still driving, but it is enough to make me sigh when he breaks away.

“So, tell me again, how good was it for you?”, he asks, a devilish grin forming on his face while his eyes dart between my face and the street in front of him.

I shoot him a look, but he only chuckles, a cocky sound. Oh, two can play this game. I’ll just remind him how desperate and turned on he was as well.

I lean closer to him once more, this time letting my hand trail down his stomach, placing kisses along his jawline, and I can almost hear him falter instantly, especially when my fingertips reach the waistband of his jeans. I lick his neck and a slight shiver shakes him, before I suck on it, leaving a small little hickey, like the one he left on my collarbone.

“Please.”, I say again, palming him over the zipper. His breath goes harder, the leather of the steering wheel squeaks with how hard he’s gripping it, while I softly graze over the hard tip that’s already poking out his jeans, his erection straining against the fabric.

“I need you to fuck me.”, I almost moan into his ear, a little bratty smile stalking onto my face. “Need you deep inside me.”

I can hear his restraint snap. He grunts, pulling the car to the side, parking it on the side of the road. “Get on the backseat.”, he orders, looking at me all stern, pure lust glinting in his eyes, and I scramble to get the seatbelt off and climb back through the seats.

That tone in his voice and that look on his face could make me do anything, my god. I suppress my need to answer with a “Yes, Sir” and watch him, while he gets out the driver’s side and opens the door to the backseat.

“Lie down, ass up.”, he tells me, gravelly and hoarse. I do as he told me and he pulls at my pants, pulling them far enough down to expose my ass and pussy. He climbs in behind me, onto the seat, his jeans grazing over the exposed skin of my thighs, and I have to hold myself back not to press back into his groin. He closes the door behind him and dwarfs the backseat with his sheer size, trying to fit under the car’s roof.

His hand comes down on my left cheek, the slap resounding in the space around us, drowning out the music for a split second. He spanks me again, a few times actually, which has me squirm, needy, wet and desperate for his touch. His fingers lightly graze over the reddened skin before he slaps my cheeks again, while his other hand finds my wetness, fingertips rubbing over my clit.

“If I had known that you are such a needy little thing…”, he says, pushing his fingers into me roughly. I whimper, his words only making me wetter, as I grind against his hand.

“Oh, you like that, huh?”, he asks, a rather rhetorical question.

“Yes, please, fuck.”, I groan, my nails digging into the firm black leather of the backseat, desperate to hold on to something, while the pushes of his digits alone almost make me slide forwards. Trying to fuck myself back onto him, my hips buck of their own volition.

“Please, I need more.”, I beg, and he grumbles, pulling his finger out of me and trying to grab his wallet to get a condom.

“That’s not more.”, I comment, meekly, teasing him, the little smirk on my face hidden, but he knows anyway. One of his hands slaps my ass again, harder this time, and I whine and giggle, wriggling underneath him.

He opens the foil packet with his teeth while his other hand fumbles with his belt. Hurried, rushed movements. I hear the snap of the rubber and then he pushes into me. The sudden stretch makes me scream, my back arching.

“Is that what you wanted, Kleine?”, he almost growls, as he starts to fuck me hard, the whole car shaking from his onslaught. “For me to take you right here on the backseat, hm?”

The “yes, yes, yes” from my mouth is more moans than actual words.

“Fuck you like you deserve to be fucked.”, he grunts, the inflection in his voice getting more and more unhinged while he pounds into me. “Like a good little slut.” The light degradation washes over me, stoking my arousal. My fingers clasp over my mouth, moaning into my hand, while I struggle to hold on with the other one-

“Oh no no no, I need to hear you.”, he grunts, pulling them away from my lips, letting his hand rest on my shoulder then, using his hold on me as leverage to pound me even harder. The sounds that drop from my throat are almost obscene, drowning out the music.

With him fucking me from behind like that – he is so deep inside me, I feel his tip nudging against my cervix every single time, the intense feeling making me shake. The soft pillow of my asscheeks is softening every blow, but the slap against my skin reminds me that he spanked my butt before.

He spits, the dollop of saliva running down my crack. I can feel his thumb dragging the spit over my puckered hole, until he pushes into it, and the sensation makes my arms weak. The side of my face is getting pushed into the leather seat, my ass high up, his dick driving into my pussy, while he slowly pushes his thumb into my other hole, using the very same hand to pull my hips against his lap.

“Oh fuck.”, drops from my lips as he starts to also fuck me with his thumb, not at the same pace, slower, but the added pressure is driving me crazy. I won’t make it long like this.

I can feel how my thighs start to shake, the one leg almost dropping from the backseat, my pussy is squeezing him, the sensations of his finger in my ass- it’s all too much.

My toes are curling inside my boots that press against the nice leather of the seat, dirtying it up. His lap collides with my behind again, his length bottoming me out, while the digit inside of me presses down, just slightly, and I can feel the tension snap like a rubberband, the zap of pleasure getting flung through my body.

With a loud incoherent curse, I cum around him, pulsing on his dick and thumb, the convulsions shaking me hard. He’s still fucking me through the orgasm, the continued stimulation taking my breath away until I feel tears prick in the corners of my eyes, and I slump down into the cushioned seat, when he pushes into me one last time and cums too, his fingers digging into my ass, almost bruising the plump skin.

The next few moments are filled with our panting breaths and some song playing that I can’t recognize while my brain is still hazy with pleasure.

“Are you okay?” The first question he asks.

“Yes, I’m fucking perfect.”, I mumble I’m not even exaggerating. This was everything I needed.

I straighten myself up and he pulls back, almost hitting his head on the roof of the interior, and I have to clasp my fingers over my lips to hold back the giggle. He shoots me a look nonetheless and quickly gets rid of the condom, pulling it from his softening dick and putting both away, while I more or less put my clothes in place again, which is more difficult with arms made of putty.

“I’m sorry, I feel like I got carried away.”, he breathes, his chest rising with every breath, his hands reaching for me, pulling me onto his lap. His eyes are searching mine again, the same as last time.

My hand shoots up, cupping his cheek. “Don’t you dare fucking apologize, that was great.”, I tell him. The look on his face is painted in surprise.

“Mein Gott, I don’t know what I did to...”, he mumbles, hiding his face in the crook of my neck, the rest of the sentence getting swallowed up.

We stay like that a little longer, my fingers scratching over his scalp, caressing him softly, as he snuggles into me, his arm thrown around me like a weighted blankie. Music is still coming from the speakers in the car, ‘Love You to Death’ is currently playing which makes me chuckle to myself. I could have stayed here for hours, in his car, the scent of leather and himself engulfing me. The soft vibrations of the bass shaking the seats. Sitting on his lap, cuddled into his arms. The warmth of his body almost lulling me to sleep. The way he presses kisses to my cheeks and temples every so often. Little small touches, soft and tender.

“I’ll bring you home, okay?”, he says after a while and I nod. I pull my panties and pants up properly and climb into the front seat again.

I turn the music up louder, and ‘Sulfur’ from Slipknot is shaking the speakers while he gets in the driver’s seat again. I hum along to the song, sitting in my seat, looking up at him like nothing had happened. The way he’s looking at me, serious on the outside, but I can see the bubble of mischief in his eyes, and it makes a grin form on my lips, while I sing “like breathing in sulfur.” That pulls a laugh from his chest, and that hearty full-of-life sound makes butterflies flutter in my stomach.

“What?”, I ask him, grinning up at König.

He shakes his head, his grin at least as wide as mine. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.” He starts the car and mutters something, that I can’t quite hear with the music so loud. “It’s great, even.”

next part: sending him a naughty pic

~ More Stuff in the Masterlist ~

[withwritersblock]

Hard Sometimes

~Hard Sometimes by Ruel~ Author's Note: requested, more blurby Summary: Nico had a hard game while away from his family Warnings: none Word count: 966 Nico Hischier x fm!reader

The Devils had just lost a game against the Kraken they should’ve won. They had a three goal lead halfway through the second. Due to two penalties the team took, they went into the third tied. Nico felt like a bad leader, he had nothing good to say in the locker room because his penalty was the reason the game was tied. 

They ended up losing 5-3 and it was safe to say the entire locker room was angry and frustrated with how everything planned out. All Nico wanted to do was go home. Except they had four more games left on the road trip and at least a week until he would get to see his wife and daughter.

They were staying in Seattle for the night and would be traveling to San Jose in the morning. He laid onto his back, his hoodie covering his frame. He pulled his phone towards his face as he began to FaceTime Y/N. He needed to see her face and Lily’s. She answered after the fifth ring, it was very late on the east coast. “Hi baby,” she rasped out. The only light on her face was her phone screen. 

He instantly felt his body relax as he heard her voice. He let out a long breath, “Did I wake you?” he asked. She smiled widely as she blinked slowly.

“You did but you know I don’t care,” she let out as she took a deep breath. He rolled onto his side as he stared towards her. “I miss you,” she mumbled. 

He frowned slightly, “I miss you too, wish I was home,” he let out. 

“The next few games will go a lot better, my love,” she expressed, smiling towards him. He nodded as he shook a deep breath. “Sucks that the games are all starting at ten here. Lily can’t even watch the first period,” 

He took a shaky breath, tugging at the pillow beneath his head. “Maybe that’s why I played so poorly,” 

“Oh Nico, you didn’t play poorly. You scored two goals,” she let out a small pout on her lips. He rolled his eyes as he took a deep breath.

“Took a costly penalty, got benched for most of the third. Those goals don’t matter in a game we lost, my love,” he explained.

“It was one game, I promise you it’ll be better against San Jose. You still played amazing and you were still a good leader,” she mumbled. He smiled softly.

“Hey, can you put Lily on the phone?” he asked, he perked. She furrowed her eyebrows harshly.

“My love, it’s almost one in the morning, I’m not waking her up-”

“Please, baby, I need to see her,” he pouted his lips. She sat up in the bed, staring down towards the phone screen. “I need to hear her little voice,” he asked. 

“You’re not the one that has to deal with her in the morning when she’s cranky,” she countered. He continued to stare towards the camera with a pout to his lips. She clenched her jaw while taking in a long breath. “Fine, you’re lucky you’re cute,” she mumbled as she pointed towards the cameras.

He smiled widely as he sat up on the hotel bed, staring towards the phone screen, watching her shuffled around. She walked into Lily’s room. “Miss Lily, my dear,” she let out as she knealed down beside the bed. Lily stirred as Y/N delicately ran her fingers across her tiny arm. “Do you want to talk to Daddy?” Y/N asked her. 

Lily instantly sat up, her eyes and head still heavy, “Daddy?” she asked. Nico smiled widely once he saw her sleepy features. “Hi, did you win?” she asked, brushing her hand against the hair across her face. 

“No, I didn’t but that’s okay. Wanted to say hi to my baby girl,” Nico said. Lily pouted as she took a hold of the phone from Y/N’s hands. 

“Did you score?” she asked. Nico felt his chest tighten, all he wants is to fly home and be with his kids. 

“I scored twice,” he let out. She gasped.

“Two times?” she questioned holding up two fingers. He chuckled as he nodded. “Nice!” she said excitedly.

“Okay, sweetheart, tell Daddy good night,” Y/N offered, Nico’s smile faltered slightly. 

“Good night,” she said as she stared towards Nico. Nico smiled widely as he kept his eyes on his little girl.

“Sleep good, Lily love,” he mumbled.

“I love you Daddy,” the words left her tiny lips as she handed the phone back to Y/N. She quickly rested her head down onto her small pillow. Every sad thought left his body as he heard those words. Y/N slowly walked out of the room, whispering something twoards Lily. She walked out of the room. 

Y/N stood outside the door, resting her hand onto the doorknob as she stared towards Nico through FaceTime, “Thank you, love,” he let out as he smiled widely. 

Y/N slowly walked back towards their bedroom, keeping her gaze on the phone, “Do you feel better?” she asked him. He nodded. 

“Wish I could kiss you,” he mumbled. She rolled her eyes playfully.

“Oh stop it,” she let out, “Don’t make me even more sad than I already am,” she said as she pouted her lips. “Stupid west coast roadtrip,” 

“I know it’s only three hour time difference but it’s awful,” he mumbled, smashing his face into the pillow. “Can’t talk to my girls, like at all.”

“You guys will win the next set of games, I know it,” she muttered. 

“If you let my girl stay up to watch the first period, then maybe we’ll win,” he offered.

She rolled her eyes playfully, “Not happening, Captain,”

[hypnos333]

Better Place

Cha Hyunsu x Reader

Synopsis: As Hyunsu turned into a monster you took it upon yourself to sacrifice yourself to turn him back human and you died or so Hyunsu thought

Part 1 - Ill see you again

Chains were wrapped around you as you were on your knees like the life was sucked away from you. You haven’t heard from your monster ever since they tortured you. You lost yourself.

They found you flying and shot you down like a prey. Like you, yourself was a monster….

You don’t know how long you been in the dark room full of chains. It must been long because you were so hungry and thirsty.

Until the chains were yanked off from you. “Get up” Sang-wook said lifting you up to your feet. You groan in pain, almost falling at your feet before Sang-wook held you up until you had balance.

“I-I can’t fly, t-t-they c-cut m-my wings” You stuttered out.

“___ listen to me carefully Hyunsu isn’t himself anymore so I need you to go hide” Sangwook said as he used his monster to get you away.

That was the last time you saw him or Hyunsu.

it’s been days and your monster still wasn’t talking or haven’t taken over. That’s when you found Eun-yoo at night making you follow her. She didn’t mind, she missed you a lot since everything changed.

You were human in her eyes still but every time you get frustrated or hungry your eyes just changes black thats all.

“Don’t you feel at least bad for leaving the soldier?” You asked as you both walked in the night again.

“I would give up anything to let me free except you of course” She answered honestly making you nod before grabbing her hand smiling at her cheerfully.

Until they heard a noise making Eun-yoo panic before pushing you to go hide.

“The people they’re all bad” A little girl said to Eun-yoo as she walked up to her. “Did you say “mom”?” Eun-yoo asked making the little girl ignore her.

“You’re no different” The little girl continued to say before pushing Eun-yoo in a trap hole.

“EUN-YOO!!” You yelled out as your desire to catch her grew strong making your wings grow back but before you could catch her. A familiar man with sharp wings catched her and grabbed you.

He dropped her but he continued to hold you, “Hyunsu?” You gasped as you stopped struggling from a grasp. He smiled before pulling you closer with his one hand before kissing your neck. “Your never leaving my sight again” He mumbled before walking away with his hand on yours.

“Cha Hyun-su” Eun-yoo yelled out making him turn around slowly still holding you like you were his possession.

“Are you really gonna leave like that?” She asked he stayed silent not caring for the girl.

“Were you expecting a hug or something?” He mumbled bluntly gripping you like she was trying to take you away far from him.

“Yea, I was. I was at least expecting a ‘glad to see you’ How’ve you been?” She said disappointed but didn’t show it.

“But i’m not glad to see you, I knew ___ would be with you” He bluntly said.

Hyunsu knew she was gonna rant so he gently pushed you along knowing you were sleepy. The kid leaded you somewhere to wait for him as your wings slowly disappeared.

Minutes later he was back with his arm back to normal, He lift you on his back as you drifted to sleep. Getting your wings back took a lot of energy out of you.

When you woke up Hyunsu was cuddle up next to you. He was creasing your back and you knew he changed you too because you felt more cleaner and less blood on you.

“Where are we?” You asked making him open his eyes and smiled instantly at you.

“In a better place my love I promise” He answered before closing his eyes at you tracing his naked chest as you hum.

For now you two were at peace and united together and that’s all that matters.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hello<3 can you do Masky, Toby, Jeff and Ben with a mean teen readerr? Like there just mad all the time but its because of trauma or something?:0 I LOVE YOU SMM TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MLLL!!<33

Jeff and Tim are NOT gonna take that shit 😰

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masky

Honestly the dad in him comes out a bit

Like his whole thing is "what makes you think you get to act like that?"

He gets it, you've had a rough life but so has EVERYONE ELSE HERE

Just because your life sucked doesn't mean you get to be an asshole

He will treat you like a baby

Partly just to tick you off, and partly because if you act like a baby, you're gonna get treated like one

He'll put you in time out, he'll take things away, he'll put hot sauce in your mouth, etc

And the thing is, you can't even tattle to slender because slender agrees with Tim!

I think maybe here and there he'd ask you why you're always so angry, and what he can do to help, and if you don't answer, he doesn't mind because he understands

But if you do answer, your relationship begins to grow, and he learns how to help you out better

He doesn't want you to be mad all the time, because even though it might not seem like it sometimes, he does care about you

But as much as he cares, he also isn't gonna let a literal child bully him

He's way too old for that shit >:/

Toby

He's kind of scared of you

He just stays out of your way

His relationship with you is similar to his relationship with Jeff

He and Jeff are friends, yes, but they aren't close

And most of the time, Toby will choose to avoid Jeff rather than hangout with him

That's how he sees you too

You're a good kid! He just doesn't wanna upset you

The very few interactions you have with him are typically just him sucking up to you, or him doing his best to tiptoe around everything that could upset you

And because of this, you do take advantage of him sometimes

"Toby go get me a snack"

"I dunno y/n, don't you think you could go...get it yourself this time?" As he says this almost every word has a whistle or click after it, showing how nervous he is

You will slowly turn your head to look at him with a glare "I know you aren't calling me lazy"

"No, no! I-I would never! I'm just saying-"

"OH! So you're calling me fat then?"

"No!"

"Then go get me a snack before i make you regret the day your mommy queefed you out"

He REALLY needs to learn to stand up for himself smh

And typically he is pretty good at standing up for himself but yk

Kids scare him

Jeff

With his explosive anger issues you will not last more than 3 seconds around him omg

He is not above fist fighting a child btw

I mean yk, he'd get punished for it but that doesn't stop him

The second you try anything around him he checks you real quick

If you back off, he will get a boost of pride and say some shit like "Yeah, that's what I thought"

If you double down with it, it will likely turn into an all out screaming match

Until someone pulls him away and is like "dude you can't be fighting with little kids :/"

He will always call you names and always be sour around yo

Crotch goblin, little shit, failed abortion

you know, the usual <333

Honestly im gonna be so real with you for a second, the way I see yalls relationship going is only to one drastic side of a spectrum

You could bond over your anger issues and become best friends/siblings with an unbreakable bond

OR you could become so sour towards each other that the caretakers of the manor literally have a meeting about changing your schedule a bit to get around Jeff's

No in between its only one of those two

Yeah, Jeff doesn't take no shit from anyone

Even children, gotta teach em young <333

Ben

Ben, being so chill genuinely does not care what you do to him

Since he doesn't have a physical body, you can't fight him either

So sometimes he will pick fights with you just to make you mad

I'm desperately trying to make Ben's section more than 3 bullets long

I'm telling you he literally does not care, does not react, NOTHING.

You could be screaming at him and he will just continue about his day like you aren't even there

Which of course, makes you more mad

But again, he doesn't care

Making you try harder and harder just to get a reaction out of him

The only reaction you will get is out of Jeff, and we already talked about his dramatic ass

[achenetype]

better the devil you know. — dealer!ares

pairing: dealer!ares x reader

content/warnings: suggestive content, no sex in this one sorry but i do have a sequel planned, age gap, modern au, reader's parents are implied to be abusive, ares drives recklessly, Inappropriate Thigh Touching (TM), drug mentions, dealer!ares

listening to: home by daughter

In hindsight, you should have gone to a college further away from your hometown. It would have been harder for your parents to convince you to come home if you weren’t living forty minutes away.

It would have been easier, actually — easier because you could have been hanging out with your friends, studying and drinking and smoking, instead of sitting with your back pressed against your door while your parents fought in the kitchen down the hall.

Jesus fucking Christ, your mother yells, muffled by the door, you don’t even care about this family!

You can’t hear what your father says in response, but the crash of a plate shattering against the wall makes you jump. Your hands shake as you pull your phone out of your pocket and scroll through your contacts until you reach the last number.

“Hey, kid,” Ares’ voice crackles through the speakers of your phone. “What’s up?”

Another thud sounds against the wall. You let out a shuddering breath, clutching your phone in your hands. “I, uh—I need, like, a favor,” you say.

You can almost hear Ares raising an eyebrow through the phone. “A favor?”

“Yeah,” you whisper. “I need—are you at your apartment?” You chew on your lip, pulling your sweatshirt tighter around your body. “Cause my—uh, things aren’t the best at my place right now,” you say.

Ares sighs, the sound made crackling by the speakers. “Thought you were at school?”

“I went home for the break,” you say. Another piece of glassware smashes against the wall; the sound crystallizes in your mind, piercing and terrible. Tears well up in your eyes.

You flinch and gasp, pressing your back against the door. “My parents—they, uh, they’re fighting, again.”

Ares clicks his tongue. “Shit, angel.” The sound of a lighter flicking on rasps through the phone and you squeeze your eyes shut.

This is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Ares isn’t a friend—he’s something different. Your dealer, yes. A smoke buddy. And sometimes, sometimes, there’s this weird tension between the two of you—this energy that makes your stomach turn and your head spin.

But asking him a favor like this…it could ruin everything.

“Can you,” you say, “can you, um. Come pick me up?” You bite your tongue as Ares lets out a slow exhale.

You’re about to retract your request when he says, “Send me your address.”

“Huh?” You blink, your breath catching in your throat.

“Send me your address,” Ares repeats. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

It feels like the air has been sucked out of your lungs. “Okay,” you breathe. “Okay.”

You’re not sure whether he hangs up or you do.

A few taps at your screen later, and a location pin pops up on in the black space of your messages.

You slowly stand up, still leaning against the door. The world feels like it’s moving in slow motion as you grab your backpack and absently start to fill it. Clothes. Your wallet and keys. The last dregs of the weed that you’d bought from Ares a few weeks ago.

You slide the panel of your window open, wincing at the scrape of metal on metal. You were used to sneaking out, but your legs had never shaken like this before—you’d never been running from something. You’d always been trying to get to somewhere, never away from it.

You step out onto the roof and shuffle to the edge of it, shimmying down the fire escape and jumping down to the pavement. Rain soaks through your sweatshirt as you walk around to the front of the building, dampening your skin and hair and chilling you to the bone.

You’re sitting on the sidewalk when Ares’ car—a battered Jeep—pulls up. You hear the door slam before you see him, but he kneels in front of you and gently brushes your hair out of your face.

“Hey, angel,” he murmurs. “C’mere. Up you go. Let’s get you inside.” His hands are warm and strong, pulling you to your feet, and his arms bracket your chest as you lean against him. “C’mon, angel. In the car.”

You nod numbly, stunned from the cold and the fear swirling in your chest. Ares’ eyes are dark as you climb into the passenger seat of his car and pull your knees to your chest. He tosses your bag into the backseat.

“Thank you,” you mumble.

Ares looks over at you and sighs, turning the key in the ignition. “‘S nothing.”

You tuck one soaked piece of your hair behind your ear as he pulls away from the curb. Cold air wafts through the air conditioning, making your sweatshirt stick uncomfortably to your chest and your arms. Your legs, exposed by your shorts, pebble with gooseflesh as you shiver and shift in the seat.

Ares’ eyes snap from the road to you, up and down, and one of his hands slides from the steering wheel to rest in the empty space between the two of you.

Despite the AC, it is suddenly and dizzyingly warm in the car.

Ares’ hand wavers in place for a split second before moving again, settling against your bare thigh. His thumb draws small circles on the flesh of your thigh as he drives.

“You okay?” he says, low and rough, not taking his eyes off the road.

You nod. “Mm-hmm,” you murmur. Your legs part even more, shifting your hips up slightly, and Ares’ grip on your thigh tightens.

The tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it. Your eyes flick from Ares’ hand to his face, back and forth, and the car speeds up as he merges onto the highway.

“Hold on,” he says, maybe more to himself than to you—his fingers dig into the soft flesh of your thigh. You can feel a bruise forming under the skin, and the thought makes you just the slightest bit wet.

Just a little. You’re not that depraved.

Ares slides his hand higher, his fingertips grazing the seam of your torso and your leg, and you shudder as he slips a hand under the hem of your shorts.

Against your better judgement, you spread your legs that extra inch and lean back.

“[Y/N],” he says. “Tell me not to do this.”

“What?” You blink and look over to where Ares is white-knuckling the wheel. The speedometer on the car ticks up—Ares had already been speeding, but now it reads eighty, eighty-five. Ninety. You feel gravity pressing your back to the leather seat.

“You need to tell me to stop touching you,” he says lowly. “If you don’t want this, tell me no.”

You bite your lip. Oh.

“We can’t do this, angel,” he says, still pressing the gas pedal down. Ninety-six. Ninety-seven, eight.

“What if—what if I want you to?” The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them. Your heart batters against your rib cage. Ninety-nine.

Ares takes an exit—you're going too fast to see the sign—and leans on the brake, stopping just short of the crosswalk. The momentum throws you forward.

His hand moves from your thigh to rest across your collarbone, holding you back from hitting the dashboard.

"We're going to my place," he says roughly. "And we're gonna finish all this." He gestures with his free hand in the space between you and him.

You lean forward, so sweetly, and press a short kiss to Ares' lips. "I look forward to it," you say softly.

When the light turns green and Ares' eyes flick back to the road, you sneak a glance at his legs. Something satisfied and a little giddy curls up inside your stomach when you see that he's hard in his jeans.

[an-gothamite-aka-zannalial]

I always want to see Damian get what he totally deserve to get. NORMAL LIVE, not some Hero and assassin shit

Like he got to so much problem that his family can't take it anymore, so they send him to Boarding school in another country. Just make sure he wont get into some gofy ass scenario without any guard

He knew when all his sibling talk in the room that this is his last change to not mess everything and get their full trust, and damian actually already tired of all this shit

Form his only bestfriend become full adult, his girlfriend break up and leave him, ra's comeback try to kidnap him, and there more shit that happen to him recently

So in his new school he just act normal, like Literally he became a avarage student. No one know he a Wayne cause he never tell anyone and his Appearance in media is Very rare, make being normal much Easier

He just be like his father and sibling when they are in public, playboy/girl, rich kids shit, charismatic, and so on

He even slowly Bond with everyone with no problem, make him worse but better at the same time.

He start to show up in night prom or party everytime there a Invitation, being The center of everyone's attention, a bright sun in everything he join and enter

Even get drunk on some party Unintentionally because he got carried away by the atmosphere, until that just become his new habit when join something that has alcohol in it

He also uses drugs and smokes because he follows his friends, without realizing that what he is doing is wrong in the eyes of his family because he almost forgets he has one.

He often plays truant and gets involved in school problems but no one really wants to scold him, because he is a perfect kid and very rich, he doesn't even notice he's a bit off the mark.

Flirt everyone is his right to do anywhere, but there is one girl who he thinks is different from the others, making him return to the stalker's path for some time. Before realizing they like each other

In the end they became the school's best known couple, because no one with two healthy eyes could see how much they loved each other.

He only goes home on Christmas Day and on graduation day, because he is too comfortable and used to his surroundings now. Alfred almost didn't even manage to bring him home

When he returned home he was given the choice to decide his next path, to become a hero again or to continue what he had built over the last few years. And he chose his new life over the old suck life he had

Goes to the same college as his girlfriend and doesn't care about superheroes shit, Get a normal and enjoyable life without being bothered by mental health problems every night or severe insomnia every day

After graduating from college he decided to propose to his girlfriend and get married, having his own family. Forgetting the person he used to like is far behind Or the unfunctional family before because now he is part of a different family

[mamawasatesttube]

Reading the list of fluff prompts I was struck by a deep desire for “I’m so proud of you, you know that?” from Lois to Kon.

Kon drifts.

Everything is vague, hazy, and distant, lost in a fog; exhaustion weighs at his limbs, although his perception of them is tenuous at best. He'd be content to keep his eyes closed, to fall back down into sleep, if not for this niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he needs to... he needs to... there's someone, there's someone he needs to protect...

Weary, confused, too tired to think, he turns that need over and over in his mind a few times. Pokes and prods it from different angles through the fog. Who is he protecting? From what? And why is his body so, so heavy?

God, he's so tired... Surely he can protect them better after he just... sleeps a little more. Yes. He can let himself drift back into—

And then it hits him. Metallo. Jon. Kryptonite. The explosion.

Adrenaline spikes through his chest, an echo of the metal rod that speared through his ribs a lifetime ago. It takes every ounce of his desperate strength to open his eyes.

The haziness slowly settles into the vague but recognizable outlines of the medbay at the Fortress of Solitude. He's lying on a cot, bathed in sunlight; his head hurts like Bart's in there taking out fifteen espressos on a drumset. In a chair to his right, a tablet computer in hand, is...

"Lois...?"

Lois looks up immediately at the sound of his voice, her sharp eyes softening when she meets his gaze. "Hey, squirt," she says, leaning forward. Her hand is warm against his clammy skin as she strokes his hair back from his forehead. "How're you feeling?"

Kon shakes his head a little, and instantly regrets it as the pain in his temples reverberates back and forth tenfold. "Wh... where's Jon?"

"Don't worry. He's fine, thanks to you. Barely a scratch on him." Lois smiles, but it's wan and slight. She looks tired. "He's with Clark right now. I'm not supposed to tell you, but he wanted to make you cupcakes so you feel better faster."

Fine. Relief floods through Kon's whole body; it's a double-edged sword, though, because as the adrenaline and panic fade, every bit of pain from his... everything... hurts way more. Ow.

God. Kryptonite and then a big-ass building getting exploded and falling on him would do that, but still. Ow. Owie. Ouch. Kon is not a fan of buildings falling on him. Has he ever mentioned that? He's seriously not a fan.

Still. Better him than Jon. That kid is barely fourteen. He doesn't need to be dealing with all this. Thank goodness he's okay.

"He's a good kid," Kon rasps. His throat is dry. Ugh. His head hurts. His back hurts. His legs hurt. Hell, his toes hurt. This sucks. "Ngh..."

Lois smooths his hair back from his forehead again. That's a welcome distraction from the pain, and at least the sunlight feels nice. She's probably here because Clark kicked her out of the kitchen, Kon thinks, and almost smiles at the thought. Still, it's nice not to wake up alone.

"Do you want some water?" Lois asks. She leans over and picks up a bottle from the bedside table that Kon didn't notice until now. "Here." She twists off the cap, scoots forward, and slips a hand beneath his head to help him lift it; her other hand gently tips the mouth of the bottle to his lips. "Sip slowly so you don't make yourself sick."

Obediently, Kon sips slowly. The water is cool and refreshing against his dry tongue and throat, and with Lois's help he drinks around half the bottle before he's had his fill.

A drop lingers on his lips, runs down his chin. Lois sets the bottle aside, plucks a tissue from the box on the table, and wipes it away.

Kon stares at her. She's so... she's being so gentle with him right now. His weary, confused heart skips a beat in his chest.

He takes a shaky breath as she helps him lie back against the pillows. "Lois... 'm sorry," he breathes, closing his eyes against the pain radiating from his skull. Kryptonite always triggers his stupid TTK overuse migraines. Sucks. "For... not getting Jon outta danger."

"What?" Lois sounds incredulous. "You—oh, you Kent boys will be the goddamn death of me, I swear, always taking the world on your shoulders for everyone—" She cuts herself off with a huff. "Conner, you have nothing to apologize for, least of all to me. I'm not—I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

Now it's Kon's turn to be baffled. What?

It's befuddling enough that he opens his eyes to blink at her. Does he have a concussion? What's going on? What did he possibly do to make Lois proud? Like, don't get him wrong, he's thrilled to hear it, but...

Lois pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. "Alright, squirt, listen to me. You did an amazing job keeping everyone safe from Metallo today. Everyone except yourself, at least. I... lord, don't give me those eyes, now. Yours are even worse than Clark's."

What eyes? Kon blinks again, still bewildered. He's just looking at her normally? And he just did what he was made to do, so why is she proud...? What is going on?

"Huh?" he manages, eloquent as ever.

Lois heaves another deep sigh and rakes a hand through her hair. Another lock falls out of her already-disheveled bun. "Look. We can talk about all this later. You need to rest up so you heal now, alright?"

That does sound good. Kon is very tired. And everything hurts. Has he mentioned that his everything hurts? Because his everything hurts. "Mmkay."

Lois smiles down at him. Then she stands up from her chair, leans down, and—Kon's breath catches in his throat—presses a warm kiss to his forehead.

"Get some sleep, squirt," she tells him, fondness clear in her voice. "I'll be here when you wake up. And so will your cupcakes."

"Yeah," Kon agrees, his chest tight. He closes his eyes before she can catch a glimpse of any tears that definitely, one hundred percent, are not forming. "Sweet."

As he falls back asleep, he's still smiling.

[lalaluvvs]

vampire bf satoru

cw: slightly suggestive, fluff, bloodsucking (??)

Contrary to popular belief, Satoru Gojo definitely has a morning routine- one he follows from beginning to end. It's the only constant in his life, not including Suguru.

In fact, it was Suguru that suggested the routine and helped him stick to it. Gojo would probably be nowhere if it weren't for his best friend.

When Gojo wakes, he palms the bed groggily, searching for the familiar warmth beside him. It takes him a few tries before he finds purchase on a bare shoulder, its' owner grumbling with annoyance.

As part of his routine, Gojo will hold him close, chest to his chest as he runs a gentle finger down that sensitive part of his neck. He'll linger there a moment too long, hesitant to savor the skin there. He can smell the dark blood rising to his cold touch, eager to be released. His fangs extend from his mouth, small for a typical vampire but just the right size to stab into Suguru's neck. He winces at the sensitivity- he hates that part the most- and grazes them across his neck until they catch onto the scabbed lumps along the base of his nape. Meanwhile he holds his best friend like a lover, gliding careful fingertips over his back. Those same fingers dig into the flesh of his back while he slowly presses his fangs through the healing scabs.

If it were up to him, he would feed all over his neck, covering the expansive canvas in little love bites to mark his claim.

Suguru is almost never fully awake before feeling the fangs puncture the lower side of his neck. He prefers it this way, so he can get it over with. He's trained his body to sleep through a good amount of it, though he would generously trade his sleep for Satoru. He would be happy to give him everything- body and soul- if it could benefit Gojo in any way.

The blood-sucking idiot has to restrain himself half the time, his body feeling the overwhelming urge to drain. While he feeds, Suguru stirs and leans into the embrace, running his fingers through snow white hair. A warm smile pulls from his lips as he thinks of the times Satoru would hide his face, or be too embarassed to feed. Luckily, he could only go so long before he ran out of options and was forced to drink his blood.

After moving away from the Gojo clan and moving in with Suguru, it was hard to find ways to feed himself. The Gojo clan always had new sacrifices, and when they ran out they would just start feeding from their employed humans. Satoru only knew starvation in the Gojo clan. He couldn't bring himself to feed from innocent people. He can recall the pain, and how badly he wished for a death that would never come.

His body hates him for that. He's sure of it. But he can't help but feel anything short of blessed for the situation he's in now.

When he's finished, Satoru politely wipes off the blood from his neck and stares in awe as it pools. He takes a small lick before dressing his wound, causing Suguru to grunt in disgust.

The world stops for him when Suguru meets his eyes, a grin pulled taut across his face. He looked ethereal in the morning light as the sun came down to set in the sky.

Suguru yawns, stretching his limbs before pulling Satoru close again- careful to avoid pulling him to his neck. He trusts Satoru with his life, but not his own self control.

"Mornin'." Gojo yawns, eyes barely open. He smiles lazily, dark blood dripping from his retracted fangs.

Suguru pushes him back by his chest, staring at him incredulously.

"Are you kidding? Go wash out your mouth, I don't wanna see that shit."

Satoru pouts, whining as always, "But Sugu, it's your blood. There's nothing nasty about it!"

He tries to reach around him, pull him back into his strong arms, but Suguru knows better by now.

"No, brush your teeth first. Fuckin' animal."

"Hey, that's totally unnecessary!"

Suguru raises a brow. "Only animals would have manners like yours."

The other man pouts deeper, brows furrowing contemplatively before giving it up.

He rolls over, pushing himself out of bed and makes his way toward the shared bathroom. He drags his slippers against the cold tile, only because it feels nice to wear the things Suguru gets for him. Even if he only bought it to keep Satoru's dirty feet off the bed after walking barefoot.

Well- he did forget a few key parts to his routine, but Suguru was there to keep him in check. The other part of the his routine is the cleanup- which he can't stand but he does it because Suguru asked so nicely. If he gets to drink his blood, it'll be on his terms. Not that there would need to be blood involved for Satoru to give him what he wants. He would always spoil his best friend.

His mind wanders to other pleasant Suguru thoughts while he brushes his teeth. Warm arms wrap loosely around his waist, pulling him out of his dream-like state. His radiant smell alerted him before his touch did.

Suguru rests a sleepy head on Satoru's shoulder, leaning into his back. " 'M so cold. You should quit feeding from me so early in the winter."

Gojo gasps loud, pausing his brushing and turning his head to see him. "You mean... you want me to skip breakfast?"

Suguru grimaces and shakes his head, pulling away to lean against the doorframe.

"You don't need a full meal in the morning. It's just convenient for you."

And it's true. Having a full breakfast means he'll be full of energy throughout the day while Suguru recovers from his blood defeciency. Even with the iron supplements, he didn't seem to be getting much better with that.

Suguru grabs the small blanket at the edge of their bed and wraps it around himself. "You could just feed from the bag for a while, right?"

Gojo has to turn his whole body to face him, mouth agape as if he'd heard the most vile thing from his mouth.

"Dude. No."

He continues with his routine, putting away his toothbrush and walking around the room to pick up the remnants of bandages and bloody napkins.

"Don't 'dude no' me. It's my blood." Suguru crosses his arms. "I say you're getting too spoiled."

"Spoiled?" Satoru shouts, pausing his routine yet again. "It's my food! I need it to live!"

"You don't need a whole liter of blood a day, 'Toru."

Satoru huffs, continuing to clean his mess. "Oh, it's not a whole liter." He waves his hand dismissively. "Trust me I keep track. It's two."

All Suguru can do is stare at him, dumbfounded. Two whole liters?!

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Not particularly, no. I don't think I'll ever find someone with blood as sweet as yours." He says, matter-of -factly.

His features darken noticibly, his hyperactive mind returning to thoughts of life without Suguru. It would come, when Suguru goes grey and his bones wither beneath him. Gojo would have nothing but distant memories to keep him alive.

But they were so far from that now. It didn't make sense to ruminate on something so depressing before it even reached that point.

Suguru sighs, fingers brushing against the bandage on his neck. He felt the lumps underneath, tender and sore. He's lucky Jujutsu High was so flexible with dress codes- he'd need to cover this up.

"Listen... we'll talk more about this when we get back. You need to get ready for work before I leave your ass here."

Gojo's eyes widen and he swears there are tears forming. "You wouldn't dare!"

Suguru chuckles, running into the bathroom before he does. "Watch me!"

a/n: this is my first posted fic but it was so much fun to write, i love my boys :PP

[crescxntmoons]

OKAY SO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE WRITTEN AN INTO CUTSCENE FOR @norinenglish’s RANCHER SDV AU

I haven’t been able to get it out of my head so it all kind of just fell out. Scene is under the cut :)

The buzzing of the fluorescent overhead lights is loud in the silence of the warehouse. It’s freezing, but Jimmy’s been working for so long in this miserable place that he barely feels the cold anymore.

Jimmy glances to the side, his focus lingering on the Joja observer for just a second too long. The green light on his desk buzzes - his first warning to get back to work before a supervisor comes out to set him straight. He shakes his head and focuses on the screen again.

All around him is the sound of the lifeless husks he’s supposed to call co workers doing their own work. They’re basically Joja robots at this point; unresponsive, bland, fun-resistant bags of flesh. Its crude, but it’s reality. It’s what Joja does - the place sucks the life out of you until you’re nothing but a cog in the corporate machine.

When Jimmy first moved to the city he remembered being full of spirit. He was ready to take on the world, to make his own way in life. Then the money started running out and he had to resort to working for Joja. He’d forced himself to endure the soul sucking 9-to-5 with the intention of only working there for a few months until he found something more permanent.

That was three years ago.

Joja has a way of sucking you in. When you want to leave they offer some new bonus or minor pay rise, often barely better than what you were making before. If that doesn’t work then it’s time for the guilt trip. You feel obligated to stay because Joja helped you survive in the city up to this point. Whatever you do, you can’t leave.

Jimmy is twenty-three now and his life has gone nowhere. He had prospects as a twenty-year-old moving out on his own, he had it all going for him! Uni, a loving family, friends by his side. That was until he joined Joja, until the hours got longer and the gap between him and those he loves grew wider and wider until it’s now too far to fix.

He’s totally and utterly alone. He was given a harsh reality check moving into the city. When he couldn’t afford his rent and was almost kicked out before he marched into that small Joja branch with his resume in hand, needing work for a couple of months until there was something better. Now he’s still there, and he hates it.

The realisation comes crashing over Jimmy like a wave. He hates his life. There’s no ignoring the fact - he just hates it. Now that he thinks about it there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where he hasn’t lamented his situation, hasn’t missed the true things in life.

Jimmy misses it all. He misses running through long grasses in the park as a kid, chasing his friends to the swingset. He misses his mum taking his hand and leading him out to the garden, spending Autumn afternoons picking blackberries. He misses reading a book in the light of an oil lamp during a thunderstorm - listening to the rain pound against the window.

A memory springs forth in his head - of a firelit cabin and his grandfather’s warm hands clasping his for the final time - and it clicks. Jimmy slowly reaches for the drawer beside him and pulls out the yellowed parchment letter with a purple wax stamp. He opens it with shaking hands.

Dear Jimmy,

If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change.

The same thing happened to me, long ago. I’d lost sight of what mattered most in life… real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong.

That emptiness you feel, the misery, that’s not what life is supposed to be like.

I’ve enclosed the deed to the place i mentioned, my pride and joy: The Ranch. It’s located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It’s the perfect place to start your new life.

This was my most precious gift of all, and now it’s yours. I know you’ll honour the family, my boy.

Love, Grandpa.

PS. If young Grian is still living in town, do say hello for me. I believe he’s around your age.

Jimmy folds the letter and tucks it close to his chest, tears spilling down his cheeks. He remembers his Grandfather clearly now that the Joja fog has dissipated. It strikes him how the images of his life before Zuzu City have faded into a blur, and how empty he feels inside, living here.

He needs a change. He needs to start over.

***

It takes less than a day to get his affairs in order.

After reading the letter, Jimmy stomped into his manager’s office and quit. His house is full of rented furniture, and what he does own he can fit into a big duffle bag. He paid the last of his rent then ended his month-to-month lease with his landlord.

Now he sits at the bus stop, bundled in his Grandpa’s old cardigan, waiting for his ride into the valley. He has the barest memories of the place from when he was a child - a small, homely cabin with an expanse of painstakingly grown crops out the front, the old oak tree he used to spend his afternoons in while his Grandpa worked on the farm.

The letter is a weight in his pocket, and the words that his Grandpa wrote loop through his head like a broken record. It’s his driving force, a reminder of why he’s leaving.

This isn’t what life is supposed to be like.

Jimmy gets on the bus when it pulls into the stop, and for once, he doesn’t look back.

[a-hundred-jewels]

ptsd made me a hardcore marauders fan for seven months

Ao3

content warning: the following contains discussions of school violence, teen violence, (briefly) domestic violence, mental health issues, depression, and trauma. if any of these are sensitive topics for you, please proceed with caution. in addition, if you feel i've missed a warning, please nicely let me know in the comments.

I don't like Harry Potter. 

Sure, I binge-read the entire series in a bored, undiagnosed-ADHD-induced haze at the age of thirteen, have spent countless hours reading and even writing fanfiction for the series, have followed tumblr tags, listened to playlists, watched youtube videos, and am in the process of very slowly hand-binding myself a copy of A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, but—

I don't like it, but nevertheless, I was sucked in. 

~

"Some kid overdosed," one of my classmates said. 

"What?" 

"They're clearing the hallways."

Our principal had just come on the loudspeakers to issue a "shelter in place" order, telling us to ignore all bells and stay in our current classroom until he came back on and told us otherwise. I was actually glad, hoping the extra time would allow me to finish my Spanish homework before second period, since I'd spent most of the weekend thinking about the Strictly Come Dancing finals and my King Lear presentation in English class. 

I hardly thought about the order itself—they're extremely common in United State schools, both as drills and as actual occurences. "Shelter in place" originated as a milder verison of going into lockdown where, instead of hiding from a potential shooter, students and teachers must simply not leave the room. In any case, I saw no reason to worry, and set about doing my homework. 

~

In fall of 2022, I started my senior year of high school at the age of seventeen. I was having a rough year—my younger sister's depression was at an all-time high and my mother was recovering from a health scare—but, fandomwise, I was doing great. After all, Our Flag Means Death had come out that spring and I was in love. All I wanted to talk about were the gay pirates, and I even bought myself a "Team Edward" t-shirt with Taika Waititi's face smack in the middle as a "back to school" present. Everything was supposed to get better. 

School sucked, because I went to a big public high school that looked like a prison and had equally-shitty Wifi, my (still undiagnosed) ADHD was worsening, and my grades were getting kind of bad. Even so, for a couple of months, I remained confident that my senior year would be my best one yet.

~

Third period was gym class, meaning I was only about an hour and a half away from the King Lear presentation. Senior year was actually one of the few years where I liked gym, which was awesome. It was just me and six boys, all of whom were nice to me, and our teacher was great. I think we were playing badminton that day, when our principal came on the loudspeakers to say that we were, once again, under a "shelter in place" order. 

We were nonchalant about this, just as we had been in the morning. I cannot stress how desensitized children in the U.S. are to things like this, these days. When my little sister was in elementary school, there was a day when the whole school was put in a "shelter in place" because a man was walking around outside with a bunch of knives. When I was a junior, a boy severely beat up his girlfriend in the school hallway, giving her a concussion and leading to two mass protests. There were violent fights at my town's public schools almost weekly—and all of this is very, very normal. I would go so far as to say that my situation was pretty mild. 

So we sat on the floor and did homework as time crept on, wondering vaguely what was going on, but no moreso than that. Third period ended, and we stayed. It should have been lunch time—we were getting hungry—but there was still no word about the lockdown ending. We stayed. Surely, it could only be another ten minutes or so?

And then, one of my classmates looked up from his phone screen, which was displaying a chat on Discord. 

"Oh my god—someone was stabbed."

~

Before, I get properly started, I'd like to be totally clear: the point of this essay isn't to bash the Harry Potter fandom, not as a whole, and certainly not the sections of it I've been in. I met some incredible people while in my period of rabidly consuming Marauders content, and I don't want to put them down or dishonor the beautiful things they've created with my attitude. I loved my time in the Marauders fandom as much as I could love anything at that point in my life and have nothing but respect for the writers, artists, and tumblrinas who welcomed me into their space. 

All of that being said, I think it's fascinating that I fell into a fandom like this one, particularly when I was doing so badly mentally. My dislike of Harry Potter only increases as I grow, as does my indifference, and, while I understand that's a fairly common sentiment shared among Marauders fans, I also get the impression that nostalgia plays a big part in their participation in the fandom. A Harry Potter- loving, bookworm child grows into a cynical teen, and then into a kind, brilliant adult with a "well, fuck it" attitude towards the world, using their limited free time to take that nostalgia from a childhood book series and write the kind of queer narratives they wish they'd had in adolescence. I could, of course, be wrong, but that's more-or-less how I understood the specific parts of the fandom I was in. (I know pretty much nothing about the tik tok side of the Marauders fandom, so we're just not factoring that in at all). Also, note that I said "adult" before, because the majority of people I interacted with were in their twenties and thirties. Being eighteen at the time and still in highschool, they all seemed at least moderately grown-up and untouchable to me. 

All this to say, once again, that I literally didn't care about Harry Potter until I was almost fourteen and, even then, I only started reading it out of sheer boredom. I have pretty much no nostalgia or happy childhood memories associated with the series—I even skipped large sections of the fourth and seventh books because it irritated me whenever the main characters were fighting with each other. I was, at best, a casual fan. 

There's something comforting, though, about being in such a big fandom, especially when your bad habit of choice is binge-reading smutty fanfiction in order to feel less dead. And, regardless of how I actually felt about Harry Potter , the concrete safety of a completed, unchanging series of books and movies where the author was already widely disliked definitely appealed tome and my less-than-stable life. You don't need to worry about a scandal if they've all already happened and, no matter how hard she tried to on Twitter, Joanne can't actually change the contents of the books. In my world of current fandoms and kind writers and actors all accessible on social media, the fuck-ass Harry Potter fandom was a bit of a refuge. 

So that's why I think it was specifically the Marauders that I got into.

~

I don't actually remember how long we were in that gym. It must have been at least two hours, including the class time beforehand, but I barely remember any of it. I texted my friends, frantically trying to determine that everyone I knew was okay, and I told my parents what was going on. To this day, the thing I am most thankful for is that my sister, who we'll call Tabitha, wasn't there. I don't know what I would have done if she'd been in school that day. The other main thing I remember thinking about was my King Lear presentation, which was supposed to happen right after lunch, and, as the time stretched on, I became more and more worried that I wouldn't get to do it that day. 

Shortly after my classmate saw the Discord messages about the stabbing, a video of the fight was leaked across Snapchat, as well as an image of the wound. We all looked on in horror, including my teacher (who we'll call Mr. Blake). It's objectively horrible to watch footage of a child being stabbed, no matter how grainy the video is, but, so far, we'd received no official information from the school, so this was literally all we had, and it had happened in the same building. Our principal wasn't allowed to make any statements (at least to my understanding) without it going through our superintendant and, for whatever reason, she didn't feel it necessary to get ahead of social media on this. 

I was trapped in a school with thousands of other people, one of whom had just assaulted someone. 

~

The night before my second semester of senior year began, I stayed up past midnight reading Dear Your Holiness by @mollymarymarie fleabag AU where Remus is a priest by day and a local rock musician by night, and Sirius has a popular music magazine. I had also spent much of my winter break listening to a podfic of All The Young Dudes (made it to sixth year) and generally rooting around people's bookmarks and gifts to get out of my head, so it's safe to say that, by the time I got to school in January, my brain was practially deep-fried in this new fandom, and it would only get moreso. 

~

Mr. Blake felt, after an hour or so, that we'd be safer in the boys' locker room. He brought us down through a stairwell I'd never seen before, tucked away in corner of a closet in the gymnasium. I was thrilled by the opportunity to explore and filmed the journey on my phone. It's a weird, haunting video, not just for the grim situation and shadowy rooms, but because I'm so lively behind the camera. We're all fairly upbeat, joking about how big the school is and what things must have been like when it opened. I won't share the video here, as I don't feel like doxing myself, but I did rewatch it in preparation for writing this and it's truly disconcerting to look at the inside of a building I haven't been in for over a year, to hear the voice of a past version of myself and know I'm seeing snapshots of a day that changed me forever. 

All there was to eat in the locker room were these Gatorade protein bars—mine was supposedly cookies and cream flavoured. I still remember the taste, sickly sweet and artificial. On an empty stomach, particularly an overly sensitive autistic one like mine, it was a horrible idea, and I felt sick afterwards, but god, I was so hungry. 

I sent a selfie to my parents and Tabitha, then tried to read fanfiction while listening to one of my classmates talk in what sounded like Hatian Creole with his family on the phone. Boys were constantly being paraded in to use the urinals. The walls were painted concrete blocks, the benches were narrow and hard, and so I sat there. 

~

In February, I spend a weekend binge-reading A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, which kickstarted an obsession with seventies music and fashion. I read and reread the sex scenes during my final few months of highschool, trying desperately to shut my brain up and keep me from feeling so trapped in my daily life and the school I still attended. I got into the works of @spookymoonie, who was incredibly kind to me, and used to visit and refresh their blog every day to see if they'd (sigh) written more porn. Look, man, it was really good porn. 

On the day of my high school graduation, I got dressed in pants that were too small for me, a shirt that was too big, and a cap and gown that made me look like a walking body bag. I mingled with my friends beforehand, taking pictures with people who I now haven't spoken to in months. The ceremony was long and boring but I'm a sucker for that kind of symbolic stuff, so I kind of liked it. I did say for weeks afterwards, though, that I didn't feel like I'd really graduated until I was cycling home, listening to "Telephone Line" on my tinny iPhone speaker. That was my graduation. 

And I only knew that song from the official Black Mass playlist. 

~

By the time we were finally released from the "shelter in place" and sent for lunch, it had been about three hours since our principal's initial announcement back in third period. There was little fanfare to the whole ordeal, and I don't recall any actual information being given to our parents from the school at this point, either, though I could be misremembering. Our principal simply came on the speakers and told us that the lockdown was up and we were to go for lunch. I had a pre-packaged turkey wrap that day—my mum got them from the store sometimes as a special lunch for me. I'm a vegetarian these days, so I wouldn't eat it regardless, but, even if I weren't, I don't think I could bring myself to eat one of those wraps again, not without remembering. 

We'd only been in lunch for about ten minutes when somebody pulled the fire alarm. I don't know who did it, only that it was a student and there was no fire. I hate the fire alarm for the same reasons I hate all sudden, loud noises, and I was so overwhelmed already that I remember crying as we were paraded out into the parking lots, shivering in the cold, late-December air. I sat on a curb and ate my sandwich, wishing I had left when some of my classmates had, as soon as the "shelter in place" was lifted, or at least that I had my jacket and keys with me so I could get my bike and leave right then. 

The fire drill was over as quickly as it had started and, god, I wish I'd left right then. Just grabbed my shit and got the hell out of there. But, well…my English presentation. 

To anyone with rational mind capabilities, it would be incredibly obvious by now that said English presentation was absolutely not happening. A child had been stabbed, we'd all seen it on video and then been trapped for three hours— King Lear was far from a pressing concern. But I was traumatized and one of my groupmates was leaving the next day, so it felt like an emergency. So long as I was focused on my presentation and the soap opera-like melodrama of the play, I didn't have to think about what was happening around me. 

Anyway, we did nothing English related fourth period, instead sitting in a circle and letting our teacher talk us through how we were feeling. I'm very grateful to her for giving us the space she did to feel our fear and anger without judgement, and I will never forget her telling us that we were to use the teachers' bathrooms for the rest of the day, and if any administrators had a problem with it, they could take things up with her. It might not seem like much, but when the stabbing had occured in a student bathroom, it was really nice for someone to acknowledge that we might be scared. 

Another hour, or so, and the day was over. 

~

I also want to get ahead and make sure I'm not framing my leaving of the Marauders fandom as a particularly good thing, or a good time in my life. I was still depressed and unemployed and, even after I finally got a job in August, I managed to hit several more crushing lows before the end of 2023—I was just reading different fanfiction to cope. At the very least, though, I was reading fic for stuff I was actually a fan of, which is typically a good place to start. 

The feeling reminded me a bit of the one I used to get after I'd finished writing and posting a piece of puppet erotica—just this overwhelming sensation of "Wait, what was that?" It's like post-nut clarity, except clearly not. My time as a Marauders fan feels, in retrospect, like a bastardization, an appropriation. I was not a real fan because I didn't really care—I just needed something safe to numb my pain and confusion. That's why it feels so important to make sure I'm not trying to represent or bash the fandom in any way. It wouldn't be fair, because I wasn't really, genuinely a part of it. 

~

When I finally had cycled home and let myself in the back door, I only remember collapsing. My mum was in the living room and I just stood there, I think. All I really remember is this image of how I think I looked, as though my mind had floated out of my head and taken a photograph. My face is very pale and completely blank, my bag somewhere on the floor next to me, and I'm staring at nothing, the performance of being okay just…evaporating. I know my mum told me she'd been facetiming my grandparents and aunt throughout the day and they were worried as well. 

One thing I often forget about that day is that, barely an hour after coming home, I had a violin lesson over zoom. I assume it must have been a similar situation to the King Lear presentation, where I had to act as normal as possible in order to not completely freak out. I told myself that I couldn't cancel, because then I'd have to pay the fee, but, like. I'm pretty sure he would have made an exception. I remember telling him "oh, by the way, I'm a little out of it because someone got stabbed at school today," and seeing the utterly baffled look on his face. He offered to postpone, and I declined. I was not a very good student that day—I think I'd forgotten what we did in the lesson before the hour was even finished. 

I went downstairs afterward and told my mum everything—I think. Either that or I lay in bed. The next thing I remember is going to school the next day, because I was still clinging to that King Lear presentation. Or maybe it was just because I didn't know what to do with myself? No idea. The next night, I was feeling sick and tested positive for Covid. 

So that was nice. 

~

My high school was never the same after the stabbing. Rules got stricter, a mass of teachers quit or transfered, the classes graduated and moved on, and I truly think something died that day. No matter how bad things were beforehand, there was always this hope I felt—this optimism. Even if I'd been cynical for weeks, all it took to love that shitty old building was an orchestra concert or a school play. It was trash, but it was home. That love didn't come back. 

My love for the Marauders proved to be just as fleeting. I literally woke up one day last July with a craving for this Good Omens/Buzzfeed Unsolved crossover fanfiction (called video appeal by ravel_aorla) and that was the end of my phase. Poof! Avada Kadavra! 

I'm proud to say, though, that I'm doing much better now. I'm writing and editing this in my college dorm room, which I moved into just yesterday. I'm also very into My Chemical Romance now, and am able to share that interest (and a long furby) with one of my best friends, @vriska-serketboard. It's been a year and a half since my high school has darkened the door of my feet and I am worlds better for it. 

Call it instinct as a former GSA leader, but that's how I want to end this. It get's better. I got better, and you can too. 

Thank you.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Wrote this based on this post and heavily encouraged by @zerokrox-blog, so in celebration of finishing my paper, here is a 30 minute attempt at expanding on this particular brain rot

It’s like his brain can’t associate water with anything but death.

He knew Steve had trouble with water after everything, still does. He knew sometimes Nancy wouldn’t come to the pool parties at Steve’s house because she still saw Barb drowning in the deep end if she stared too long. He knew they all avoided the lake for obvious reasons.

His thing started with a sudden downpour. He thought it had to be just rain, right? He could just stay home if it looked like a storm was coming. Easy enough.

Until he had almost the same reaction in the shower the day after. Wayne had to come in and shut the water off, throw a towel around him, and sit on the floor talking to him for almost 20 minutes before he was able to dry off and get into bed.

They did manage to find a system that worked for the shower eventually, though it was embarrassing for Eddie.

Wayne would get the shower started while Eddie stripped off his clothes. He’d turn away while Eddie got in the shower, then sit on the toilet lid and talk to Eddie as he slowly wet each individual limb and scrubbed his skin with soap. He’d rinse the same way, flinching at the way the water felt hitting his skin.

Wayne’s voice did help though. He’d tell him stories of his childhood, of the adventures he’d go on with Eddie’s mom, of crazy things that happened at the plant. It was enough to get the job done.

Then he’d get out, wrap a towel around his middle, and kneel down next to the tub so Wayne could wash his hair.

If Eddie closed his eyes and Wayne kept talking, he could almost ignore the way the water felt. They only washed his hair once a week because it was such a hassle for both of them.

He’d tried everything.

Steve made some suggestions that helped him, most of which revolves around stuff he was already doing.

Robin even tried to come help wash his hair in the sink instead like she did for Steve, but he ended up smacking her hands away the second the water touched his head.

The kids found out by accident; a storm was rolling in right when Eddie was leaving to meet up for movie night at Steve’s. He called Steve and apologized a million times, Steve brushing it off like it was fine and he understood. Deep down, Eddie knew he did, but it still sucked.

Dustin called him 30 minutes later and talked to him about anything and everything for the next hour, saying he didn’t really want to watch the movie they picked that night anyways.

It was kind, but Eddie felt terrible taking him away from the group.

But the kids took turns any time they were all together and Eddie was stuck at home because of rain. They sometimes would pile into Steve’s car and come to the trailer, making sure they didn’t touch Eddie if they were wet. He wanted to cry at their kindness, but he held it in.

But eventually, he couldn’t take it. He felt like a burden. Everyone dropped everything to make him feel better or make it easier for him and it was too much.

He turned to the one person in the group who would look at this objectively: Nancy god damn Wheeler.

“There has to be a way.”

“Therapy might help.”

“I’m already in therapy. It doesn’t help with this. That’s more for like ��kinda wish I died down there’ and not ‘it feels like water will kill me.’”

“Have you ever heard of exposure therapy?”

Since he was an uneducated idiot, no. He told Nancy he wasn’t sure that would work since he’d been forcing himself to take showers and wash his hair this whole time with no improvements.

“This is different. It’s more a controlled environment and doing small things to move back towards normal exposure to your fear. Like how right now you shower in a way that keeps your whole body out of the water. This would be like getting your whole body under the water for 30 seconds, then the next time a full minute, and keep going until you can do it for long enough to take a regular shower.”

“Okay but I have unmanageable panic attacks when I do that, Nance.”

He could hear her eye roll over the phone.

“When was the last time you tried? Who was there? What was your plan if things went bad?”

Eddie remained silent. She knew the answers to those questions.

“I thought so. I think I have a plan. Can I come over?”

“What, now?”

“Why not now?”

She really did not hesitate when she was set in her ways, did she?

“Okay, fine. Wayne’s not here though.”

“He doesn’t need to be.”

And that’s how Nancy god damn Wheeler first saw him completely, whole ass naked.

It was very clinical; She was basically a therapist doing her job for the entire thing. But it did leave him feeling quite awkward.

“I just don’t understand why I can’t still wear boxers or something.”

“Because you have to do the real thing from the start or it’ll take longer.” Nancy rolled her eyes. “I’m not attracted to you Eddie. You’re very handsome, but you’re not my type.”

“You’re not my type, either.”

Nancy smirked at him. “I know. Steve’s polos aren’t quite my style.”

Eddie looked away, face bright red. She clapped her hands after a moment to get him to focus.

“So for the first time, I’ll turn the water on and you’ll get in like you usually do. After a minute, you have to step backwards into the water so it hits your whole back. You have to stand like that for 30 seconds. Then you step back out. If you have to step all the way out you can. Okay?”

“No.”

“Eddie.”

“Okay! Fine!”

“I read a lot about this. I promise it’ll work if we keep trying.”

He stepped into the shower and let the water hit his toes. This part was normal. It wasn’t fine, but it was fine-adjacent. He was used to it.

“Ready?”

“No.”

“Eddie.”

Nancy’s sighing was slightly amused, so he knew he wasn’t in trouble, but he still felt the nerves eating away at his stomach.

“Okay. What’s the plan if I can’t do it?”

“Let me worry about it.”

Eddie took another breath, trying to work up the courage. He felt his heart racing and his breath coming in shorter pants the more he thought about the water hitting his whole body.

“Eddie. You can do it.”

“Okay.”

So he turned his back to the water, backed up one step, then two, then three. And water was hitting him.

It hit his shoulders, cascading down his arms and back, hitting his waist and rolling off his stomach down his legs. It was warm, but he felt his whole body shiver at the feeling.

He could hear Nancy counting distantly, feel her eyes on him through the crack of the shower curtain. He tried to focus on her voice, on the way she already had a towel in her hands for when this was over. How no bats were circling above ready to eat him from the inside out. How this water was nothing like the lake, it was clean and the light was on in the bathroom so he could see everything around him.

When she reached 30, he practically jumped out and landed in her arms, towel not quite covering her so she got soaked.

He didn’t have enough brain power to realize he was soaking wet, naked, and being held by Nancy god damn Wheeler.

He sobbed as she managed to wrap the towel around his back, shushing him and telling him to take a deep breath.

He did.

“Another one.”

Her voice was becoming less distorted. He could feel his chest heaving now instead of a dreadful numbness throughout his extremities.

“Good. You did it. You did great.”

He’d done it. He’d done the first step.

“Here, wrap this around you so you get warmer.”

She moved him back enough to wrap the towel all the way around his shoulders, like he was a child trying to cover his entire body in a towel after a bath.

“Thanks.”

His voice was broken and raspy, but she smiled at him all the same.

“Don’t thank me. I feel like I’m kind of torturing you.”

“I may be into that, Wheeler.”

She snorted. “Talk to Steve about that. Though I think he’s probably into the receiving end of that, not the giving part.”

Eddie choked on his next breath.

“You don’t pull your punches, do you?”

“Never have, never will.” She started moving back to the sink to grab his fresh clothes, a cozy sweater he may have stolen from Steve and the sweatpants he wore the night before. “Are you okay if I step out while you get dressed?”

“What? Tired of seeing me naked?”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You love me.”

Nancy smirked. “Yeah. We all do. That’s why I’m willing to stare at your naked ass to help you with this.”

She was trying to make light of the situation, but he couldn’t help but let out a small sob at the fact that he had so many people who loved him enough to do this.

“I’m good. I’ll be done in a minute.”

Nancy waited for him to throw on his clothes, some residual moisture making his shirt stick to him. He hated it, but tried his best to ignore it. Another step towards facing his fears or whatever.

Nancy was waiting in the kitchen, a can of beer waiting on the counter for him.

“Is alcohol the answer?”

“No. But you deserve to celebrate a milestone. Just this one though or everyone will think I’m a pushover.”

“God forbid people know Nancy Wheeler has a heart.”

She nudged his arm with her elbow, smiling proudly at him.

“Proud of you for this. I know I kind of made you do it, but you could have backed out.”

“What was the backup plan? What if I completely freaked when the water touched me?”

“Try again tomorrow.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s always it. We all have to face shit every day. Some of us are scared of water, some of us are scared of clocks, some of us are scared of dogs. Some days are harder and we can’t face it. But we try again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And eventually we don’t have to try as hard. And maybe eventually we won’t have to try at all.”

“Wise words.”

“I have those sometimes.”

They both laughed, but Eddie was drained. He felt the emotional exhaustion manifest in physical aches throughout his whole body.

He glanced at the clock and saw it was only eight.

“Wanna stay for a bit?”

“Oh yeah. No way I’m leaving you alone for at least another hour, Mr. Delayed Trauma Response.”

“Smart plan, Dr. Exposure Therapy.”

So they hung out, snacking on some chips he found in the cabinet that were borderline too stale to enjoy, talking about the next few days’ plan, and if he wanted anyone else to know about it.

“You plan on coming here every night for the next month or more?”

“I’m willing to. But I think it might help to rotate people. Robin would be more than willing. And…”

“Steve cannot see me like that. Not after the rain thing.”

“No offense, but if you ever plan to get anywhere with Steve, it’s gonna involve an emotional upheaval and nudity.”

“A panic attack in the shower? How sexy.”

“Steve will want to help.”

“He always wants to help.”

“And he’s been through this, too.”

“He could take showers, though.”

“But he isn’t gonna judge you. Neither will Robin. Or anyone else we involve.”

“No one but them.”

Nancy searched his face before nodding. “I’ll call them tomorrow. They have to understand the process. But I’m coming tomorrow again. You need a constant the first few times.”

“Was that in a book?”

“It was in all the books, actually.”

“How many books did you read?”

“Seven.”

“I just called you today!”

“Well I may have started a while ago. I knew you’d be ready eventually.”

Eddie shook his head in disbelief. “You’re something else.”

“So I’ve heard.”

When Nancy left, Eddie felt a little worried for a few minutes that he shouldn’t be alone. He thought about calling Steve, but decided he needed to try to face this part of the fear too.

He’d call Steve in the morning.

For now, he got in bed, pulled the covers over himself, and didn’t flinch when he heard rain drops hit the roof.

[yellowwithalisp]

Lost forever - James Sunderland x reader

You received a set of keys and a letter from a fellow soldier who passed away saying that he's waiting in some town for you and his family. You decided to go check it out before his wife and daughter go into some trap... Shouldn't have done that. ( There is NOTHING for my boy James but what @eggienobeggy & @bigboipyromaniac have done so here is my attempt! . . . . I can't write James I'm sorry- this sucks. ) ( I hope you enjoy it! - Yellow 💛🌻) (Final count- 2,574 words.) 𝙻𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙾𝚗𝚎: 𝚆𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚜. (𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚘𝚖 𝙵𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚜 𝚂𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝.)

"Fuck-"

𝙱𝙰𝙽𝙶!

"Fuck-"

𝙱𝙰𝙽𝙶!

"Fuck!!"

I yelled as I finally shot down the last of the deformed people. If you can even call it that anymore. Because it's hard to call them human, they almost took on the shape of a human. In more of a grotesque form. The body crashed on the floor as I slowly lowered my gun. Taking my finger out of the trigger and placing it above the trigger. A few bits of hair moved in front of my face as I felt drops of sweat run down. I left my hand up and gently push them hair back into its place. behind my ear. I never came to this town when it was popular back in the day. I heard at one point it was a popular tourist attraction. But then I never heard about it again until a couple weeks ago

I served Navy for a long time with one of my oldest friends who died saving my life. He always wished he'd gone to this town with his wife and daughter when he got back. but he never made it back alive. I've been helping the family financially and supporting them ever since I got back from service. one night when I was helping watch the kids she came up to me with the letter in hand. The letter was delivered to her house but directed to me as if someone knew I was there. The letter claim to be sent from her husband. Claiming that he got room for his wife, kid, and me at Silent Hill and was waiting for us there. I knew better than anyone that her husband was dead. I watched him bleed out as I tried to put pressure on the bullet wound to stop the bleeding. I remember seeing the blood constantly flowing over my hand and how cold it was. Seeing the life fade from his eyes as he begged me to protect his family before it went out.

The mother was getting her hopes up but I told her to let me go check it out first. And I'm never more glad that I did that. This town was filled with monsters. And a wife and kid here would be terrible. Everything looks like it has been abandoned, and so far I haven't seen another Soul here. Just things that barely resemble humans trying to attack me at every turn I make. The set of keys that I've gotten the letter words to apartments so I found a map and went there first. And then the monster start to show up and never stopped. I already searched the first which he claimed would be where he and his family would be. I had to fight a giant monster of something. I don't even know how to word it. Every time I think about it I keep thinking I'm dreaming.

The second room is where he claimed I would be staying. There weren't any monsters there, but the key did lock the door and the monsters didn't seem to know how to open doors. So in the meantime, I've been staying there and cleaning out the monsters in the apartment building. Today I left the apartments to go look for more supplies in the town. What little supplies I could find and carry back to the room. After shooting the last monster for the moment, I made my way to the front door in the main lobby of the apartment complex. Opened the door slowly to the town covered in fog and walked into it. My gun was still in my hand but the trigger finger was resting above the trigger as I walked. There was a store nearby where I could go look for supplies not too far from here, I could go there and come back before it got dark out.

I tried to stay out of the open road and stick to the sidewalks as I walk down the road, it was best to not be seen as this town seemed to have no one friendly here in it anymore. Just the dead and monsters everywhere. I felt a too failure feeling of a water droplet landing on my head as I stopped and held out my hand. Letting a few more droplets fall down onto it as the rain began. The only thing I missed about the Navy was the water. I had gotten used to being out in it for so long that being without it felt wrong. So walking in the rain never hurt anyone. Even if it made it harder to see the monsters if they were there. I pulled up my hoodie to cover my head to see better as I slowly grew closer to the store.

I barely opened the door as I poked my head in just a tad bit and looked around. From where I was, it didn't seem to have any monsters in there with me. I waited a few more moments listening if I could hear anything before slowly pushing the door open and closing it. I silently walked in as I heard the dirt crunching under my boots. Pulling my flashlight out of my bag and holding it to use to get a better look at the spots away from the windows and light. There were lots of canned food there and thankfully I was able to get the oven to work back at the apartment. So I started by grabbing a few cans and taking off my backpack to put them into. Holding my flashlight in my mouth temporarily as I did that. I didn't freeze until I heard the crunching sound of someone walking around in the store with me as well. I slowly took the flashlight out of my mouth and moved my hands back onto my gun, Not moving anymore as I listen to the sound of the footsteps growing closer. The footsteps seem almost hesitant as they moved. I moved my trigger finger into the trigger and quickly stood up before the other person could get even closer to me. I saw the man flinch as he quickly took a few steps back away from me. Holding his hands up slightly as we both made eye contact. I blinked as I moved my finger out of the trigger and slowly lowered my gun.

Neither of us say anything as we both watched each other. He slowly lowered his hands as he opened his mouth to say so thing but backed out on it. Slowly standing up, I put my gun away fully as I looked at him. His green coat has splatters of blood on it. So he must have ran into those monsters as well.

"Ran into those things as well."

I asked as he blinked and slowly nodded his head at me. "Y-yeah… You see those things too?"

I let out a dry laugh as I nod my head. "Yeah, some of them remind me of my time in the Navy too fuckin' much."

I said as he looked puzzled for a moment as slowly nodded his head. We both stayed away from each other still as the clients fell. I leaned down and picked up my backpack and tossed it over my shoulder and looked at the man.

"You look like shit."

I said as he jumped a little bit as his eyes darted over to mine. I looked away as I walked over to the next aisle. Picking up some bars of soap and looking at it. "I have a room here. Shower works just fine. 4th floor so those things don't get up there." I said before tosing him the bar of soap at him. He flinches as he looked down at the soap and then back up at me. He tried speaking again but nothing came out before he slowly nodded his head. I nod back as I turn and walk a bit down the aisle. Looking at a few things on the shelves.

"I'm (Y/N)."

I said as I picked up some batteries and put them into the bag. "You got a name?" I asked as I look looking for things. His eyes shifted for a moment but he slowly nod his head. "James… James Sunderland." He said slowly as I moved some hair that fell in front of my face again back behind my ear. "Well, James. what brought you to this… "lovely" town?" I asked as I turn to look him in the eye. He look sad for a moment as he looked away, not making eye contact with me. "I'm.. Looking for my wife." I hummed as I looked away, putting my hands into my pockets. "Well, hate to break it to you.-" I let out a sigh. "-But you're the only other person I've seen here." I looked at him. He sighed as he rubbed the back of his head tiredly. "She's been dead for the past three years but… I received a letter from her."

I blinked as I let out a small huh. "Déjà vu." I said as I pulled the folded-up letter out of my coat pocket. "Friends has been dead for six years. Yet I get a letter to him saying he's here waiting for me and his family." I said before putting it away, Looking down at my watch and back over at the front doors. Hearing the sound of rain hitting the building. I looked back over at James with another sigh. "Grab what you need from here. I'll carry it."

I said as I walked around the store. He slowly nods as he walked around grabbing a few things. He tried to carry them but when he walked up to me I described the stuff and put it in my bag. I kept looking outside the glass doors and making sure there were none of the monsters nearby. James kept looking around the store until they finally grabbed everything he wanted. He seemed to be really bad at keeping eye contact which I could understand, this town did things to people. When he was finally done he walked up to me and I look back at him. "All set?" I asked him as I shifted to me and then to whatever was behind my head. "Y-yeah…" He mumbled. Shifting in place as he glanced down at his feet. "Alrighty then." I said as I look back out the door. Pushing and open as we walked out of it. The building still shielded us from the rain for a small b as we stepped out. I handed him an umbrella I found as I was walking around the store He looked at it and then back up to me.

"What about you?"

"Navy remember? I've been in worse storms."

I said with a smile as he slowly took the umbrella and I took the lead walking out past the safety of the building. James slowly opened up the umbrella and caught up to me. Holding it over both of our heads nervously. I looked up at him and I rolled my eyes before giving him a soft smile. "Luck women you're wife must be." I said as we walked. His eyes shifted away from me as he looked at the ground. I rolled my eyes as I jabbed him with my elbow. He flinched slightly as he looked back over at me. "Stop that." I said stop but he has raised an eyebrow, looking at me slightly confused. "I... didn't say anything?" "You suck at hiding your emotions. Your body language gives it away most of the time- Well, for the small time I've known you for. Don't think I have a notice it's 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 shoulder that it's getting wet instead of mine." I sit as I glanced over at his shoulder getting wet due to the fact that he's holding most of the umbrella over me instead of him. His eyes shifted away nervously. I reached my hand up and moved his arm holding the umbrella over towards him more my own shoulder started getting wet instead of his. "But you'll get-" "I'll take a shower as soon as you're done. I'll be fine don't worry."

I said as we walked in silence the rest of the way to the apartment complex. In normal situations inviting a stranger back to your apartment would be considered extremely weird and probably concerning, but since this town is not exactly normal. And the things here aren't exactly human. It's best if you stick together with people. Thankfully there weren't any monsters on their way to the apartment. Maybe the rain has something to do with it? I'm not sure. Either way, I wasn't going to jinx it by saying anything. When we got to the apartment, we walked up four flights of stairs to where my room is located. James looked nervous the entire way up. Probably because a stranger is inviting it back to her room. But at least here we can sleep and stay away from the monsters for a little. bit a little safe room while we go our missing ones. Speaking of his wife. I hope he finds her. If this town can make those monsters, then surely bringing back the dead wouldn't be too far out of reality for it. But if he doesn't then who sent him that letter? And the same goes for me. If I don't find my friend, then who sent me that letter and why? I unlock the door and held it open for him. He swallowed before nervously walking in as I walked in behind him and quickly shut the door and locked it. "Okay." I said as I walked over and took my bag off of my back and put it on the table. "The bathroom is down the hall to the right, the towers are right underneath the sink, and..." I paused as I grabbed the things he got for his shower from the store and handed them to him. "Here are the things from the store you grabbed."

He nod his head as he took the things from my hand. "Thanks..." He said softly as I smiled at him. "No problem, I'll- be out here if you need anything. Okay?" "All right." He mumbled before he turned to give me one last look before walking down the hall and disappearing into the bathroom. I watched him walk away I couldn't help but think that he was definitely was an attractive ma- I slap myself in the face hard before I could even finish I thought. The sound echoed in the room slightly. No- no. Bad brain. He's looking for a supposed dead wife that is here. That is not a good thought to have.

James picked his head out of the restroom and looked at me worried. "Are.... You okay?" He asked hesitantly, I smiled as I lowered my hands off of the side of my face and gave him a thumbs up with a nervous smile. "Yeah yeah just- thinking.... I'm okay- don't- worry about it." He nods, still... Not looking exactly convinced but he turned and made his way back into the bathroom and close the door behind him. I let out a soft sigh as I started to walk over to the living room and took off my wet coat. I heard the water start as I sat down on the sofa. Rubbing my eyes as I let out a heavy sigh. I got up and walked over to the table and grab the first aid stuff I got at the store and walked back to the sofa. I took off my shirt leaving me in my bra and started to take off the old one wrapped around my stomach, There was a nasty claw mark on the side of my stomach. I cleaned the injury before adding a new bandage around it. "Hey um, (Y/N)- . . . . . . . . . !" I jumped as my head snapped up as I stared at a now semi-clean James holding onto the towel he used completely frozen in place. Fuck.

[mayisgoingnuts]

Tee hee 😇😇

The two girls are still out walking late, they haven't said much to each other. Rai is trying not to cry while she comes up with a way to apologize. Elaine isn't thinking at all, she's just walking. “I-i'm sorry..for yelling earlier I mean..it was stupid of me..you were only thinking the best- and I- I was being stupid-” Rai tried to apologize, but she just ended up crying. Elaine stopped and looked down, she panicked. Rai had never cried in front of her before. “Hey- hey wait- I..uhm..do you want a hug?” Elaine wasn't sure what to do, but Rai nodded slowly while trying to wipe away her tears. Causing Elaine to slowly and awkwardly wrap her arms around her. Rai held her close and put a head on her shoulder. She wouldn't stop apologizing for, well she was apologizing for everything at this point. Elaine continued to try and tell her not to apologize, but she just felt horrible. Eventually all that was left was sniffles from Rai. “Are you feeling better?” Elaine asked, Rai nodded in response. Her face still dug in Elaine's shoulder. Elaine would think for a couple of minutes, then get an idea.

“Hey, why don't we post something about how cool it is to be outside late at night?” Rai lifted her head, she looked incredibly confused. “What do you mean? Everyone goes around at night.” “Well, just for fun. Plus it'd be nice to have you in my camera roll more.” Elaine giggled as Rai took herself off of her as her face turned bright red. “I..uhm..sure..but it has to be on your phone. My camera sucks.” Elaine quickly pulled out her phone and started recording. “Hold on..oh! Got it!” She pointed the camera towards Rai. Rai just covered her face, Elaine giggled. “Come on! No one will see it. Promise.” After a moment, Rai took her hands off her face. She walked around to be next to Elaine, the camera moved to be on both of them. Elaine kissed Rai's cheek, making her giggle. The two then talked about their night to the camera. They talked for about fifteen minutes before Elaine saw something in front of them. “.hold on..what's that thing?” She flipped the camera, a red blob showed up. It became bigger and more clear the closer it got to the camera. It looked like some kind of demon. Elaine quickly tried to run, but Rai stayed in place. Frozen in fear as the demon ran closer, Elaine yelled for her to get out of the way, but she didn't move. The demon ran up and jumped on Rai, the camera couldn't catch that part. The camera started working again soon after though, Rai looked around like she was looking for something. She now had horns, sharp teeth, and orange eyes. Elaine yelled in fear and just continued to record the phenomen, she didn't know what else to do. Until the two kids and the priest showed up again. The kids run up and go in front of Rai, almost defending her from the priest. Something Elaine could agree with those two for one. The priest runs up and yells, the camera couldn't capture it properly. Elaine started yelling in confusion, “what's going on?!” “Quiet! get- OUT OF THIS BODY MOLOCH!” He yelled before throwing water on Rai. She screamed and threw up some kind of goo. She laid on the sidewalk as the goo would slither away, slowly morphing back into the demon. She stopped recording as she ran up to Rai. Holding her as they ran off. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” She yelled at the priest in horror as she held her lover.

After a while Rai started coughing, she sat up and leaned over while coughing into her arm. Elaine sat on her knees and just held her hands over Rai. Just in case she needed support, Elaine was more focused on what she was coughing up. Some kind of black goo, she was incredibly fearful now. “Are you okay? Do you need water? I-i have water!” She took off her bag to get a water bottle for Rai. Rai's arm was so shaky as she took it, she could barely get it open. She took small, slow sips from the water bottle as Elsine just sat next to her. She was worried by how pale she was, but she noticed something. One of Rai's canines was longer than it had been. “Hey..your tooth..” She pointed out, Rai slowly put her hand up and felt it. She was definitely startled by it, “I..I need to see him..he’ll know what to do..he..he can help..” It didn't take long for Elaine to realize who she was talking about. “Are you serious? He's the reason it happened!” Elaine was furious, “what..? No..no he didn't…he was helping…he was getting rid of the demon..or whatever that thing was..” Rai tried to explain, but Elaine wouldn't listen. “How do you know that?! What if he summoned that thing?!” “He's a priest…why would he summon a demon..?” Rai tried to stay calm, she felt drained of all her energy after that. Elaine couldn't exactly argue with that logic, after a minute she sighed. “Okay, let's sit for a minute and we'll go. Okay?” Rai nodded in agreement, mumbling an okay.

After about an hour they walked up to the church. Rai was talking about Gregor the entire time. Trying to tell Elaine that he isn't a bad guy. Elaine was beginning to realize that he was like a father to her. She felt horrible, especially knowing about Rai's past. Rai continued to talk about how much he meant to her and how much she could trust him. Eventually the two made it up the hill, Rai was still limping because of earlier, so Elaine had to help her walk. Rai slowly knocked on the door, but there wasn't an answer. She was confused. “Maybe we should just wait.” She shrugged it off, and nodded to some trees next to the church. “Come on. Let's go sit and wait.” Rai tried to walk over herself, but still couldn't move properly. Elaine had to help her. When they sat down Elaine complained about the bushes in front of them. Rai was about to argue against it but stopped when she heard the doors open. She couldn't get up to run to him since her legs were still messed up. Elaine was slowly going over to help her, but stopped when Rai stopped trying to move. Rai was beginning to breathe faster, it was scaring her. Rai was staring at the doors, Elaine looked over to see what she was looking at. Someone in a red cloak was dragging Gregor out of the church. All Rai could see was the blood on his head. She began to breathe faster and faster, Elaine had to cover her mouth. When the figure in the cloak disappeared down the hill Rai had fallen into Elaine's arms. She began to sob, she was terrified. Elaine just held her, she did know what to do. Though she got an idea, she started to run her fist up and down Rai's back gently. She also began to hum, she would hum and sing songs to Rai. Rai just laid there, mourning the loss of a father. Though, she knew the town wouldn't be missing the father.

I LOVE THE WORD PLAY I CANE UP EITH IN THE LST TWO SENTENCES 💕💕 IM SO PROUD OF MYEELF

-🍂

BRO MSNDN,,S/POS

AND I ALSO LOVED THE WORD PLAY AT THE END. IT MADE ME SMILE WIDELY

RAI MA DEAR..

DIES./pos

[nfnfnfnfndnfkfjfndksjsndnxjsojsn]

TELL ME ABOUT KYLIE THE OWL HOUSES!!!!

OK!!!i put the backtory into anothe r ask nut here's some relalosnihops!! belos : belos was kind of mean to her and just ignored her at first and treated her like hunter but more ignoring before warming up and becoming friendswohoo its like a uncle and niece thing as she knows literally nothing and is slowly learning while he knows everything so he is kind oflike a book to her and that's pretty epic they can have their bad moemtns mostly belos and kylie is just like aghhhh ( they both want to see the human realm really y bad ) kylie enjoys pailsmen and loves the idea of them just to find out the things he does to them and instantilywants to explode he didn't like her when she started to speak a lot of and act with her own mind but grew to be find with it and tolerate it as shes like a younger version of him ahhhghhh caleb and Philip raghh collector : first person she met and she can barely y remember when they used to play YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS AGO but they are still friends and activylly play silly games together FRIENDSHIP!!most healthy friendship that she has maybe luz : they don't talk much and when they did it was Hi why are you Me kind of like vee but they grew to b friends and almost pen pals before kylie ran back to belos near the end and she doeslnt really like her for being the new golden guard in a sense but just feels bad that she doesn't know anybetter but in the future and if she wants wti h belos and rarely when she isn't they are pretty good friends!!!!!!and luz enjoys showing her new things and azura related stuff eda : THEY BARELYSPEAK but when they did kylie was wideyeed and happy and also scared to be talking to what belos said the most annoying women to exist as that's what she remembers his words to be but without belos they get along and eda treats her like her own kid and helps her understand the world better king : they are bab bit freaked out that they are related the collector and belos but mostly the collector but other than that they are fine even though kylie is confused by him since she thought titans were all dead and here he is a kind of titan amity : she justknows her as luzs girlfriend and not much and doesn't interact often but she likes playing with her pailsmen ghost the cat and wants to get her hair dyed like her she doesn't really know of kylie until luz is like So I Met a Puppet who tried to be Me willow : SHE REALLTWANTS TO BE FRIEND WITH WILLOW but shes with belos and that wouldn't go over well also shes golden guard 2.0 and willow is close to hunter so its a big mess but she doesn't hate her or anything and willow doesn't even know of her until luz talked about a puppet gus : if it wasn't for belos they would be BESTFRIENDS since they both love humans and finding new things and kylie would love the space show and she enjoys the illusion coven hunter : kylie feels bad for hunter in a way but is slightly angry just from the things belos has said ( like ohhh Hunterleft to be with GROSSHUMANS and kylie is like he sucks lmao ) but in a way feels bad for taking his room and role if hunter knew kylie he would feel bad and be mad too thathe got replaced by some random shapeshifter they have a whole thing trust me. but angry the cycle is starting again kikimora : she thinks kylie is okay just really annoying when she speaks since she talks a lot and is mad she didn't get to be the new like belos right hand man and instead its some random girl lilith : IF IT WASDNT FOR BELOS TEHY WOULD BE BEST FRIENDS FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!but kylie doesn't know much about lilith other than seeing an old poster in hunters room about her ( which is now her room ) and old stories from the guard and belos about her and feels bad about the owl beast part but if it wandt for belos lilith would probably be her mentor with theirlove of muesuums and finding things and just cool history stuff vee : THEY DONT EVEN KNWO EAHOTHEr but if they did they would find comfort in the similar stories cause shapeshifter something

[athena-nation]

walk-through

Aziraphale slowly traces their finger along the ledge of the mantle. Photos of holidays past with what would be considered friends and family reach along, nearly teetering, its entire legnth. They notice a photo that makes them suck in some air.

“I married.” Crowley points with his wine hand, “And that's our son.”.

Their shoulders go loose a bit and Crowley, without fear of being too close, reaches his right arm over Aziraphale’s shoulder, plucks up the photo, and brings it around so they can look at it together.

And they look at it together

Crowley points out “This is my wife, Sarah. This is my son, Eli. My father-in-law, my mother-in-law, and …” a few other people with hyphens and descriptors but the words trail off in Aziraphale’s ears, their interior self starting to take on blighted emotions.

Crowley walks a long look from the photo to his former love’s face.

“What was I going to do? I already gave everything up.” He inhales, then elongates an exhale. “I love my kid. heh, he's a fucken Giant! He's so gentle, though. I call him my Ferdinand.” He places the photo back on the mantle.

“He's Nephilim?”

Crowley nods.

“Erm, is that why the flood was so hard?”

“Didn't understand why it hurt so much until I became” he pats his weathered human hand on his chest “This. Then, crews of memories came and I saw myself after that.

Your kind were killing the children of angels who what? Married and loved humans.” He moved towards his couch.

“I walked among them, you know. Wishing I could have the same thing. A partner, a lover, a family of mixed children and mixed villages and beliefs and homes? What a blessed funny thing, to love and create love? Angels, humans, nephilim, elioud.” He pauses to look at the mantle full of human relatives now.

“Then, they were found. They were a scourge to-”

“The Plan.” Aziraphale whispers.

“The great. fucking. ineffable plan.”

++++++++++++

They are now both sitting on the couch, Crowley to the right of the angel.

“I asked Hell to take everything including the throne that waited for me. Take my flight. Take my immortality. Don’t take my eyes, I loved them - so, of course, they did. But, I think they sort of felt bad because they gave me these human eyes almost the same color. Which, which is yet another thing Eli did not inherit. He has no Angelic properties. Thank G-....

“I had to lose everything Angelic about me to get my memories back and now there are millions and millions of years of them that it hurts too much, my head is too small and the memories too big. Worst of the worst part? I didn’t realize there was a point that there was no more joy.”

“No more…joy?” Aziraphale quietly asked.

“I understand better now what happened. Why they cast us out…” his hurt makes a small place in his voice, “IFor me, well, I was not only a Seraphim, but a Seraphim who could Fall In Love.

“And then, I fell in love with you.”

Aziraphale jolts, inhaling guilt, hot and old. It awakens and spreads like a smoldering field under a forest fire floor. It was a new sensation. It was an unrealized shame.

“You fell. Because of me?” he asks.

Crowly nods. “And that, that is also why they bullied you. Why they called you soft, Azazel, scapegoat, weak.” In a teasing voice he recollects, “haha an angel fell for you and then he fell from heaven! Haha you gonna start questioning the war against heaven. nyah nyah you’re crying because you’re becoming human.”

The cruelty does bump up against a repression or ten.

++++++++++++

I met Sarah 4 years after my wings were taken back. I was always sick then and had these intense rolling fevers under my skin all the time. I didn’t know it was a human thing happening. I had to see a human doctor. After I came out of it, I…” and trails off still feeling the burning in his arms. “Has a conference this week, went to visit our boy.” He sounds lonely. “She��s back Sunday.” he sniffs, picks up his wine and finishes it.

“Eli is a goooood kid. BIG and yet quiet and beautiful and a painter and a footballer. Children are amazing things - he can be anything he wants. But best of all - he's not an angel. Not a single angelic power except when he looks at me. Oooch that crushes me.” Crowley says as he smiles thinking about that very feeling.

“I know he loves me and he tells me nearly every day. Twenty-four! And still tells his father he loves him. I think that's what I was looking for. All my heavenly creations and to never have any of them say that they loved me…”

ah. hurt.

Crowly catches what he said, but is somewhere between apologizing for what was a possible fauxpax and letting old love just feel it.

Aziraphale tries to equalize the conversation.

“I don't know if we had anything that would be considered ‘love’. A lot of it was fear and questioning and warm things and watching you and feeling you watching me, but…I had never fallen for anything before and definitely not the way I fell for you…”

“But, I did fall. Because of you. Both times.”

“no no, nonononono…so this is MY fault?

Crowly moves his head almost serpent-like conveying what we would think is maybe, maybe not.

They are both staring at untouched drinks, Crowley’s wine, Aziraphale’s tea.

That. That is true hurt.

“They made you watch. Do you remember that?’

Aziraphale wide and wet-eyed shook his head meekly. He did not. Not today.

Crowley sucks in his lips, bites, and nods his head,

“All 200 of us.” he snaps his fingers. “Just like that. No trial, just decided. Some all at once, some individually” He quirks his mouth, “I was a special feature. Because I had a head full of questions and a a a heart full of Love. Love that was NOT directed at God.

So, I was the last one to go.”

Aziraphale looks away.

Crowley softens his speech.

“Maybe I should have said something sooner. Maybe, but I didn't and I would replay those days in the bookshop over and over my head to try to get my mind around them and I couldn't and I know that I didn't want to know any of it anymore. One night I woke up soaked in tears - and all of a sudden I felt I was treading water and that THIS was the Karma of Eve. THIS is what I get for tempting her to bite the apple and now we alllll get to have knowledge and that's pretty b– No, it's a shame, really, cuz I thought,”

He puts his glass down and waits.

“I thought it was going to be a good thing, maybe even an ineffable thing of my own.”

++++++++++

“Aziraphale, I broke.”

“It’s really hard to forgive because you watched it happen and then didn't remember and then they punished you and punished you and punished you and you and we would have been a perfect foil of their hatred together I guess.

“I don't know.

“But you chose Heaven over us, for us.

“And I chose Earth over y-….” He pauses. “Let me correct that - I chose Earth, for me.

“Becoming mortal was not in anger towards you.

“It was time and I've never been consistently happier.

“I morbidly want to say thank you because I have this thing in my life now, but I'm not going to. I don't have a preternatural disposition for forgiveness. I can accept what happened and that’s it. And like every human should, I have a therapist and we just treat it all like a big traumatic brain injury. That seems to be the best way for me to get my head around what happened. Like all of it was a dream. I was in a million-year coma. In a blackout.”

blackout.

The visit has become humid, Aziraphale knows this has to happen.

“Right,”

Crowley dusts off the top of his trousers, stands up, and puts his hand over to Aziraphale. They look up at him, put their hand in his, and gets up from the couch. When standing, Crowley lets their hand go - it was merely to help. Aziraphale is numb.

“So, let me show you another thing…”

Crowley opens a set of French doors out into the garden. It’s dark out all around, but this is illuminated with tiny bulbs and solar lanterns in mason jars, They both nearly bump their heads on one lightjar. “Wife.” Crowley smiles and hoists it up out of head-bumping reach.

It comes into view as they walk down a bit - a diminutive cottage Crowley steps over to, grabs the lock, and in two twists - opens it.

Aziraphale stifles weeping, slightly failing. Crowley had taken items from the bookshop and brought them here. The desk, the portfolios, notes, postcards, unread books and read ones.

It was a mini bookshop.

with only one chair.

silence

“I…” Suddenly selfconscious, he tries again.

“I cry myself to sleep, every night, right there.” He points to the chair, which bears evidence of a man whose face has folded many times into those arms and wept and slept and drank a little and slept some more.

“Sarah knows she’ll never understand what happened. She has never pried nor has tried to change my mind about keeping this” he moves his arm to wave it along the eyeline of it but drops it.

He turns to Aziraphale. “She saw so many people in hospital from veritable wars that she just accepted this habit of mine as…as a erm…traumatic brain injury. PTSD. An old coma’s ghosts.”

dead silence

“I've only recently begun to stop crying,” Crowley says, nodding, as he starts to.

“and now you're fucking here,

“and for the first time - I'm so fucking unhappy.”

Time stops, but in the human way.

“I can't bear to be near you. You're everything I ever needed and wanted and I couldn’t compete with God or the Second Coming that apparently never happened.” He now gestures wide with his arms outstretched, one long fluid movement so intense and passionate it looks as if he never lost his wings.

“We….“ he bangs his chest, “weeeeeee all lived down here through whatever stupid thing you were all fighting over up there and maybe you fixed it and maybe nothing happened -

“but you didn't even throw a feather from the sky to let me know that there was some fucking kind of Peace going on.”

He is heaving and trying to hold onto any words without screaming.

“Sure, it still rains fish in Texas and frogs in Croydon sometimes but it does make me so so so fucking…….sad you. said. nothing.”

silence is now a void

“You, too, then. Not even one fucking sign.”

Crowley drops his arms and all the energy he had brewing all evening, if not all the last 28 years, sinks into the ground cover.

“Aziraphale?”

so this is death

“Yes, Crowley.”

“Please leave.”

+++++

The Angel is standing outside of the house, their back to the door, waiting to hear the click of a lock before walking away.

It doesn't rain in this section of England very much which is very strange. It's almost like one last small miracle is left to protect his home, his wife, his son.

His humanity.

Aziraphael walks back to the car. No shade of yellow, just plain grey. A rental he doesn't drive through Soho on his way home to the end of the world.

********************************

A polish, an edit, and a post on AO3 will happen in a few days.

Thank you for reading,

Nation