#almost a year later after this show came out and I’m STILL finding details I haven’t seen before

[rexlottie]

🚨OFFICAL STEVEN APARTMENT LAYOUT🚨

206 page pdf with set photos, concept art and episode stills from moon knight, absolutely gorgeous stuff!!!!! The cairo set is CRAZY

[taybatwo2]

G3 Hissfits Review Part 1

Guess what came in today??? My Hissfits three pack!

The box is large, 22”x12” and was 75 bucks…which is a lot (25 for each doll) and Entertainment Earth wanted another 20 for shipping (so I might have preordered a cute little 3.75” Clone Trooper Rex figure to get free shipping).

These dolls had their stock photos dropped a bit over a year ago and I guess were just sitting in a warehouse while Mattel figured out what to do with them????? I dunno why they took so long to come out, but I’m glad they were not all canceled and disposed of.

It has some little Skullettes detailed around the outside of the box.

Here is the corner illustration done by Darko.

The back of the box. That’s a huge illustration and looks really cool. It has some of their accessories hidden about and Amped Up Frankie’s accessories in the far left-hand book shelf. Perhaps they’re all playing for the Monster Ball?

Here is the UPC for anyone who needs it. These are supposed to be available on misc. sellers/shops: like Entertainment Earth and Big Lots and NOT Amazon, Walmart, Target or even Mattel Creations. Which seems like an odd choice (I wonder what their reasoning was behind it?).

Here is a close up of their blurb on the back of the box. I do find it funny that Toralei was known to be REALLY bad at singing in G1 and G3 just RAN the other way with that.

Here are the ghoul’s with the plastic removed. There was A TON of rubber bands holding them all in. They look good in the package, but there is so much plastic waste.

more under the cut

Close-up of G3 Meowlody’s face while still strapped down. Meowlody has white hair (I remember who is who by: turning her name’s first letter “m” upside down and it looks like a “w” for “white hair”).

Mine has her eyes slightly printed up too high, some white paint dropped across her right eye, and her left cheek stripes have some paint missing (you can’t tell from his photo).

She has the biggest grin out of the werecat twins and Toralei. Her heterochromia is opposite of her twin and she has purple leopard print eyeshadow. Her hair feels like saran.

My Toralei looks pretty good, but has a small lip smudge on her upper lip. I love her eyeshadow!!! Even her bright pink lips have grown on me. Her leopard rosettes are a mix of purple (Meowlody) and pink (Purrsephone).

She has almost-neon orange hair (with black, baby pink, and purple streaks). I’m pretty sure it is all saran.

And my FAVORITE, Purrsephone (turn her name’s first letter “p” upside down and it looks like a “b” for “black hair” and that’s how I remember this is Purrsephone). I like her sculpted eyelids, her full upper lips, her hair color blend *mwah!* Mine does have a spot of red paint on the bottom of her cat nose. She has pink leopard spots on the opposite side of her face as her sister.

I’m also certain she has saran hair.

They come with a ton of little accessories “to help them get ready for the show.” Even merch to sell after the show too!!

After spending about 30 minutes freeing everything from their prison and running a metal comb through their hair (they will need to be washed with water, Dawn dish soap, and some conditioner…maybe (carefully) straight iron their hair later).

I forgot to take a full body photo of Toralei before I started removing pieces. Whoops!

Here is her crown piece. It wraps around both ears and should still hold its place fairly well even after I removed the plastic stays and rubberband (it was really wrapped around it) holding it in.

Here she is without her golden crown. I might like it better off.

Her eye make-up is her two cousins’ mixed together. Oh, by the way G3 Purrsephone and Meowlody are G3 Toralei’s cousins, not just her beasties.

The leopard print reminds me of SDCC DC Super Hero Girl’s Cheetah.

Her tail tambourine (I love how clever they were in its paw-like design) also stays on her tail pretty well.

Here are her plastic dress pieces. They have some nice details to them (lots of studs, chains, and the Hissfits cat head logo) and as always, could look even more elevated with some paint. Be warned that the gold chest piece instantly wants to keep detaching itself from the skirt and shoulder pieces after you remove the rubber bands.

I LOVE her gloves (look at the little printed seams and how they make it look like there are seperate holes for her fingers). My Core G3 Toralei will be stealing them. Mine even come off by sliding over the hands (you do not necessarily need to remove the whole hand to get them off).

Here are her MASSIVE boots. They are slit all the way down the back and have some colored in details. I’m not sure if I like purple AND pink AND red being Toralei’s new colors, but these shoes look great.

Here are the bottoms (chains on the ball of the feet and a cat scratching post making the heel).

A better look at her saran hair blend. It’s really growing on me. I was just going to clean her up, steal her stock and resell the base doll. But I am heavily rethinking it.

Here she is in her outfit sans all the plastic bits. It is all attached. The main shirt/shorts have a sparkly foil look to them and her skirt has a lovely gold to magenta foil print.

And the back. Now let’s jump ahead to look at some differences between the werecat’s bodies.

Toralei has the exact same body mold as G3 Clawdeen, and the werecat twins have the same body as G3 Cleo (sans the bandages).

They didn’t give the werecat twins sharp toe claws like Toralei and Clawdeen. :( Booo!

Their ears look a bit different too (Toralei has notches in the bottom of her ears and Purrsephone/Meowlody don’t).

And for funsies. Here are all the G3 werecats’ body types for comparison (I’m still in the middle of micro-braiding my Catty’s hair, so ignore her bad hair day).

In part 2 I’ll delve more into the werecat twins.

[abybweisse]

Hi there! I recently finished reading the Black Butler manga for the first time and I’m completely blown away!!! One thing I’m curious about and would like to know from a long-time manga reader: When did people start to seriously theorize that Ciel had a brother? I binge read the manga in less than a week and all of the foreshadowing/clues went completely over my head, so I would love to find out what made people start to get suspicious and what kind of theories started to pour in! 👀

Wow, that's a lot of reading in less than a week! I would have missed a bunch of little details, too, if I had tried that! 😯

When did 2CT start?

Well, I didn't join the fandom until sometime in 2015, and some people were already talking about various hints that there was probably a twin brother. @kurotwins and @akumadeenglish who are both not active here anymore (at least not on those blogs) we're talking about it, as well as some others I'm not as sure about. Apparently, the Japanese chunk of the fandom didn't really debate there being a twin; it was sort of accepted very early-on. It might be a matter of translation issues, like "sons" translated to "son", etc.

Anyway, I recall reading a bunch of their posts, and then I started paying more attention to a scene in ch1. Chlaus shows up with the packaging for a game called "Mouse3" by "Ninkyodo". Well, that's a parody of Mother3 by Nintendo, which was released in Japan on April 20, 2006. Unlike the previous two versions of the game, Mother3 never got localized as part of the EarthBound series. Which is why Chlaus tells our earl the "game" was so difficult to find in Italy. Of course, that packaging contains the drug evidence that our earl needed to show Scotland Yard. To put Azzurro Vanel (and potentially the Ferro family) away.

The irises are used in both Victorian flower language and Japanese flower language to mean a few different things, but one meaning they share in common is something along the lines of "I have a message for you." Well, that message is the game packaging shown on the very next page.

Mother3 is about mirror twin boys who deal with tragedy soon after their birthday (9th or 10th). Their mother is killed by a monster, and their father is so distraught about her death that he goes into a rage and end up in jail for a while. Soon after the dad gets out of (escapes from) jail, he finds out the older mirror twin had gone off by himself to kill the monster, but now he has gone missing. Everyone is searching, but no body has been found. However, the player of the game can see Claus' broken body at the bottom of a cliff. It's understood that he's dead. The main characters still don't know, though. Not for another three, almost four, years. After losing his wife and being unable to find his older son, the father becomes kind of useless. Notice that the guy in Kuroshitsuji is Chlaus, and the older twin in Mother3 is Claus.

Three years later, Lucas (younger mirror twin) is about 13 years old, and he sets off on his own quest for revenge, along with the loyal family dog, Boney. The rest of the game takes place during this one year, then it ends just before his next birthday. The last thing Lucas has to do before he can "win" is defeat his own older twin brother, who had died, been turned into a Fascinating Chimera, and had been pitted against him.

So, I started coming up with my Mother3 theory for Kuroshitsuji back in December 2015. Back then, I was already theorizing that not only is there a twin brother, but he's a mirror twin. The missing twin is older, dead, reanimated, and will pop up again as an adversary.

Soooo, idk how long some version or other of 2CT has been around, but a very specific version of it came to me (and became very serious to me) in December 2015. And it's canon now: mirror twin brothers; one lives while the other dies; the dead one is reanimated; they end up having to confront each other.

Even Sebastian gets to parallel the roles of both the loyal family dog, Boney (under contract) and the Dark Dragon who must be given your "heart" to follow your will (as the demon who demands a soul as payment).

That's why I'm so into my Mother3 theory, which started out kind of small and grew and grew... because the similarities don't stop there. Not even close. Numerous characters and plot lines have strong parallels to Mother3 characters and plot lines, while a few are better paralleled in Mother and Mother2. The timelines are essentially the same between Kuroshitsuji and Mother3, too.

Maybe check out my "Why I theorize" post and my "Masterpost 1" for more on that, to get more into it. There are several masterposts and addendums, plus a few more masterposts on the way... eventually. When I first started posting about it, I didn't expect it to be such a big finding, but here I am, still talking about it! 😆

[count-alucard-tepes]

Our favorite phoenix, Marco🦅 wins the poll!

🌶️Headcanons🌶️

He dates all ages and all races, if he finds you interesting, he’s gonna be all over you and he’s so smooth about it too.

He loves his partner to be in charge in their relationship and in the bedroom. It’s a turn on.

He likes tall (OP standards) and thicc partners, men or women, big boobs, thicc thighs and big ass…you’ve caught Marco’s attention.

The drapes do not match the carpet😆😉

Marco is never single…he’s always got someone on his mind, on his D or something. He’s just not the type of guy who is single single if you know what I mean.

Fanfiction for our cutie Marco🦅

A note was left on Marco’s quarters door that he would be out for a few hours but he didn’t give too much details as he was off to get his hair done. His grey hairs were finally showing and well he need to get a hair cut too.

He got to barbershop the Whitebeard pirates frequented and greeted everyone as he walked in with a big smile.

“…the usual then, Marco?”, the owner asked with a smile.

“Yes…my age is finally starting to show”, he said teasingly.

“…you still look like the young man who walked through my doors 20 years ago…take a seat and I’ll get you a hot towel”, he said gently before disappearing in the back.

Marco took a seat and relaxed for a bit before the barber came in and wrapped a hot towel on his face, “…I got one of my best to take care of you today…try not to burn them”, the barber said playfully.

Marco chuckled in response, “…I’ll try not to”.

His face with still covered with the towel when someone else would come and draped a cape over him.

“…okay, so I’ll be doing your hair today, I’m Y/N by the way”, they said as they ran their fingers through his hair slowly.

“…that’s a beautiful name, I’m in your care”, he replied as he enjoyed the feeling of their fingers running through his hair, it made him relax even more.

Y/N smiled a little as they looked down at the man with his face wrapped in a hot towel, “…so just the roots and a haircut?”, they asked gently.

“Yes and a shave later on…”, he replied.

“…got it…I’ll be right back”, Y/N said as they went to get some product and their tools.

Marco waited patiently before he would feel them start trimming his hair and shaving it to his usual style.

The towel was then removed and it took some time for his eyes to adjust before he slipped on his glasses just so he could see Y/N. His jaw dropped a little as he looked at their reflection in the mirror in front of him.

“…is the length okay or do we want to go shorter?”, they asked as they ran their fingers through his hair again just to show him and make sure he was satisfied.

“Y-yes…it’s perfect”, he said as he gulped a little.

Y/N smiled and nodded, “…I’ll start with your color then”.

During the entire process, he couldn’t take his eyes off Y/N. They really peaked his interest.

“So, Y/N…you’ve been doing hair for a while then?”, he asked out of curiosity.

“…not really but it’s something I’m good at so I thought starting a career in it wouldn’t be a bad idea”, Y/N replied gently with a smile.

“Yes, you’re very good if you get to work here…the owner has quite the interesting clientele…”, Marco said with a weak smile.

“…a very interesting clientele”, Y/N replied with a smirk.

He chuckled in response, “…are you from this island?”.

“Born and raised…”, Y/N replied gently as they began his close shave.

“…hmm…you must know where to get the best meals then”, he murmured, trying to be as still as possible so that they didn’t cut him by accident.

“I do…it’s not too far from here too”, they said gently, “….maybe after I’m done with your hair, I could take you there…it’s almost my lunch break anyway”.

“Oh yeah? That sounds fun…”, he said with a smile as he internally grinned even more.

Once his hair was all done, he thanked Y/N and paid the owner before waiting out for them so that they could go for lunch together.

Y/N came out in no time and walked with him to local restaurant that apparently had the best food. They ordered their meals and some drinks.

“…so I’ve heard you’re from the Whitebeard pirates…is he really as cool as everyone around here says he is?”, Y/N asked as they sipped their drink.

“Oyaji? Yeah, he’s amazing! You should meet him sometime…he comes here every now and then”, Marco said with a big smile, clearly very fond of his father-figure and captain.

“…I’ve always been a little nervous…don’t want to be too bold or rude with someone like that”, they admitted.

“…he likes bold people, so just be yourself and tell him you’ll do his hair for free”, he said teasingly.

Y/N blushed at that and then laughed at the realization of what he just said, “…and you’re certain I wouldn’t get killed for saying that?! You’re the worst”.

Marco chuckled in response, “…alright, let’s not say that then…I might have to save you if you do”.

Y/N smiled a little in response, “…you might just have to…”.

He looked into their eyes and leaned in a little more, “…hey, are you free next weekend? We’ll be visiting the island…and I’d like to see you again”.

He needed to shoot his shot before he lost his opportunity!

“Yeah, we could go dancing…I hope you’re light on your feet”, Y/N said with a smile.

“…you have no idea…it’s a date then”, he said with a smile.

((I live for Marco fanfics!😍))

[iamdarkness]

To Feed a Tiger: Forces of Will

Alfonse x reader summoner, Lif x reader Summoner,

Dimitri x reader x Alfonse x Lif one sided.,,or is it?

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary:The Alfonse and his summoner ( you) embark on a journey to gather intel about the rumors of war and find more than they were ready for.

Through the years you had spent in Zenith, it had become a habit, to help Alfonse out of his armor. Despite him having his own retainer, he had relied on you to do the job while on the go during campaigns. Now it was almost a ritual for the two of you to do this at the end of each day and journey. It was a very intimate moment even when there was no romantic or sexual motives involved.

It all had started a couple of weeks after your arrival, with a fascination for the armor on your part and curiosity on how it was all put together. It was easier to ask Sharena of course but the proximity of his chamber to yours had made it easier for you to ask him instead on a whim. You still remember his blushing face when you asked if you could see how it was taken off and put on.

-Come on Alfonse ! One of theses day it is going to be just the two of us in a mission and I am not going to be able to help you into it properly if I do not know how to do it before! You could get killed!

-Just the two of us?

-Well yes! Who else would I take on a two person mission but you? Or like if we get stranded somewhere.- Alfonse had blushed and in his heart he felt something warm at the show of trust.

And so Alfonse had agreed with the idea, because it was always a possibility of everything happening in a war. So with a blushing face the Prince with the Golden Wings, called his retainer Einar and asked him to teach you how to dress and undress him. Most of the armor was easy enough for Alfonse to handle by himself if needed, but some items were only able to be adjusted by a third person and that was where the retainer came in.

At first the stern look on Einar’s face when he heard about your request had taken you aback; until you remembered how conservative these people were; but the man of around thirty years of age had softened when you showed real interest for the details of the armor. He had given you names and uses and details of the history of the make and design of each royal armor. It was very interesting information. It was later on and with an embarrassed face that you realized that you had almost treated Alfonse like a personal doll when you asked Einar if you could do it yourself and without asking Alfonse himself.

- Of course Summoner! That is…erm…if His Highness permits it.- Said Einar embarrassed as well since he had been so engrossed in the conversation and Alfonse had been so quiet you both had almost forgotten he was present.

Alfonse cleared his throat and with a blush on his face he answered.- Yes…of course.- His voice almost a whisper. If you had not been so distracted by the work and the instructions you would have noticed the blush never left his face and he was stiff as a board and very nervous.

-I’m gonna need more practice! Don’t worry Sir! By the time I learn to do it right, I will be able to undress you and dress you in no time at all! I can even help Sharena too!

At your words Alfonse’s heart was raising fast. He had no idea why your words had that effect on him, but he was so embarrassed he could not answer you. He was afraid you could hear his heart about to burst our of his chest. Thankfully and strangely enough sadly, your gaze was not long on him and you did not notice his state.

Soon after thanking Einar for his information, and Alfonse for his compliance, you left for him to get ready for bed. As the door to the study closed behind you, he let a breath out he did not know he was holding. He relaxed his stance and noticed that now that his jaw was loose, it was trembling a bit as if the room was cold. Yes, you never noticed this, but Einar who knew him since he was younger, did and his knowing smile puzzled Alfonse. It was until later, when he understood his feelings towards you, that he realized his retainer knew even before himself that he was in love with you.

Years later and here you two were again. You give a small laugh at the memory, while you are standing ready for Alfonse to call for your help. He looks up at you from his sitting position where he was taking off his leg guards and gives you a inquiring look.

-Do you remember the first time I took your armor off? When Einar was instructing me on how to do it?- You ask while he comes to stand in front of you facing the med.

-How could I forget…You two forgot I was there.- He said looking over his shoulder at you, who now stood ready to take the rest of the armor off.

-Why didn’t you say something? You just let us talk and undress you!

-Well…I was a bit embarrassed and …I confess I could not talk at the moment.

-You could have told me you did not want me to touch you, you know.- You say undoing the bindings of his mail and helping him get it off. He takes his tunic off and is left with his under armor.

-Then you would not have been able to help me all those times you have. You needed the practice and I your help…besides- he takes a moment looking down to his hands that are taking off his gloves, then he looks you in the eyes.- Maybe I wanted you to undress me.

This confession takes you by surprise and you stand there like deer in the headlights, with parted lips and blushing face. His deep blue eyes darken with emotion and you feel him get closer to you. As much as you two love each other, he was ever the respectful man and he mostly kisses your forehead or hand . Knowing and understanding his position, the respect was mutual so you never tried to touch him in any improper manner in public. You were not lovers even when both knew you were devoted to each other and had been for years.

It was this kind of respect that allowed you two to be able to be together alone and sleep next to each other during campaigns and to keep your shared chambers in the castle. Now it had allowed you to stay together for the two person team mission without a chaperon.

At this time though you were too preoccupied to think of nothing besides Alfonse too close to your face and about to kiss you, while you were alone in a room, in an Inn, in a small town, in the middle of nowhere.

-Alfonse…- The name came out breathy from your lips. This made Alfonse make up his mind and finally kiss you. He places his arms around you and pulls you to his chest. He wanted you. He had wanted you for a long time. In fact he had found himself fantasizing about you months after he had met you. He had been afraid to fall in love with you and had tried to suppress his feelings and attraction, but it all had been in vain. Now the prospect of loosing you was real and he found that he was not ready to lose you so easily. The day you had asked him to let you have him had played in his head over and over for the past nights and it was getting harder to not march up to your door and give in to temptation.

For the first time since you two have been together Alfonse feels bold enough to act on his feelings. It may be that he is finally away from the pressure of his duties and the people surrounding him. Here and now it is only the two of you.

He sighs into the kiss and leave your mouth to kiss your neck. Your heart is pounding like crazy and you feel yourself starting to heat up. You feel those tender lips fluttering on the sensitive skin of your neck. He opens his lips to taste you and you feel his wet tongue, soft and hot lick tentatively. It is a tender and soft gesture but you feel it like a hot iron branding your skin. You hear yourself moan softly and he responds with a groan of his own. A guttural sounds that makes your inside melt.

His hands tighten around your waist and one of them finds the edge of your blouse and lifts it to touch the skin on your back. His hands roam your upper body until he reaches one of your breasts. He stops and looks at you with half lidded eyes. He is asking for permission. You nod at him to continue.

- Your Highness? Prince Alfonse? Is the Summoner with you?- You hear the gruff voice of Fallen Dimitri. He knocks the door again.

==Oh yeah we are not alone yet.==

Alfonse jumps back a step and looks at you. You are still too out of it to respond. Knowing he can not lie to him since there really are not too many places where you could be and lying would look suspicious he clears his throat and responds.

-Yes. She is here.- This bring you back to reality and you go and open the door hurriedly. Dimitri stands there looking suspiciously inside. Alfonse has turned away to fix the pieces of armor and mail on his bed to move it to the chair. He turns his face to acknowledge Dimitri, trusting that his hair is obscuring his face enough that the blond will not see his blush.

-I’m sorry to make you wait. I was helping Alfonse with his armor. How can I help you? Do you need help with yours?

-No thank you Summoner. Freyr is helping me out. I came to let you both know the innkeeper said he will have the provisions ready in the morning and the extra horse you needed to carry the tent and provisions. Also supper is ready. Will you be having dinner downstairs or would you like to have dinner in your rooms?

-Alfonse?

-We will be down in ten minutes if _____ is fine with it.

-Sure!- You answer faster than you intended.- Thank you Your Highness.- Dimitri eyes you both suspiciously and nods before he leaves.

-That was close…-You say. Alfonse nods blushing. He walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

-Come. Let us get ready to go down.

==We will have time for this when we are alone.== He thinks and sighs in anticipation.

Here in this moment while you are at the intersection where your two person groups will part ways with Team Dimitri /Freyr and with the prospect of the time you will be spending alone; he has forgotten about Lif and his engagement as a problem impossible to fix. Here and now he has promised himself to find a way to fix his situation and a way to find a way to keep you by his side.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***~*~*

Your parting with the other team left you worried. You had not liked the idea of F Dimitri going on a mission so far from home and much less taking Freyr, but you also figured they did need the time off and the distraction. Plus they both had enough medicines and you had the medallions to alert you of their well-being. They promised to check in with you every night and to take care of each other.

They took the road South and you took the road Southwest.

It has taken you days to reach the Western coast. You two had ridden through various little towns and a couple of cities and gone past the Northwestern Nibel Mountains where Alfonse’s cousin Earl Andreas of Nibelheilm lived. His fortress was only surpassed by Midgard’s Keep in the North. Alfonse suggested a visit as well but the time it took to get to the coast had taken longer than anticipated and you had a schedule to keep. (1)

-We can visit him in the next mission if the rumors prove false.- Says Alfonse looking longingly at the distant snowy mountains. It was very hot in the coast.

-Is he the one that saved your father when Hel first attacked Askr years ago?

-His father. Uncle Andreas died along with my grandfather and cousin Alfonse almost died as well. I am named after him. He was General of the Royal Army right until we fought Hel. He retired after that. I wish you had met him back then. Come we need to get something to drink.

- Oh that New Year Festival you hosted by yourself when I had to go with Fjorm was there right? - You asked. Alfonse nods. You look around the terrain. The trail ended on a clearing surrounded by palm trees and some other fruit trees.-There is no one around here though. Are you sure the town is supposed to be around here? The coconuts look good. If we shake the palm tree we can get the water out with the sword.

- The map indicates the town should be around here. I mean this is the trail that leads to it. I came here when I was eleven. Cousin Andreas has a Beach House close to here. I was counting on using it to stay there some days.- Alfonse said focusing on the map in his right hand while he used his handkerchief to dry sweat from his forehead and neck.- It was not this hot back then…

- Maybe they moved the town…So how about the coconuts? They are great for hydration.

- Why would they move the entire town? How is this place hotter than Muspell?

-It is not. It is the humidity. Muspell was hot dry and sweat did not bother you, it just gave you headaches and people just passed out from dehydration. This is not as hot but very humid so it does not dry your sweat. It makes you more aware of the heat I guess. So the coconuts?

Alfonse sighs.- Fine. I will go up the palm tree and get you, your coconuts.

-You don’t need to go up there. We can shake the …and there he goes.- You watch as Alfonse goes up the palm tree and as he makes his way up you see something.- Hey Alfonse!! Get down! There is a Coconut Crab up there!

Alfonse looks down frowning. He has no idea what a coconut crab is or how it looks so he thinks you are joking because a coconut crab really?

The color and texture of the crab makes it hard for him to see it even though he is closer to its side. Alfonse keeps going up.

-For the last time. We don’t have Pokemon in Askr.- He says smiling.

-What? NO! Alfonse! That thing is huge! Careful with its claws! - You know they are not very hostile, but seeing one so close would be a scare if he has never seen one before. Also you know he does not like spiders. Alfonse still does not listen to you, but you see him halt. He stays motionless for a second and then scampers down the tree so fast he falls the last distance and lands on his butt. Unhurt he gets up and point to upwards.

-What in Askr’s name is that? Is that a giant spider?- He says louder than he intended. You try to keep from laughing.

-That is the coconut crab I told you about. They eat coconuts.

-Crab? That is a huge spider ________. You said crab. Crabs are small…not …that huge and …ugly.- He says disturbed.

- I did not want to scare you and make you fall…And they are actually crabs…just huge… I told you it was huge. Oh dodge!- You say when the crab cuts a coconut and causes it to fall down. You try getting out of the way but bump into Alfonse who is still looking up bewildered. The coconut hits you partly on the shoulder.- Oh CRAP! That hurts!! Alfonse!

Alfonse’s eyes are huge with worry. He takes your hand and moves you away from the palm tree. He moves the torn blouse to see your shoulder and arm. There is a scrape runs from the top of the arm almost to the elbow. There is not much blood coming out of the wound but it is an angry red and he knows it will be turning purple soon. The coconut hit you with the top part and the stem was the one that scraped your skin.

-OH Askr! I am so sorry! I thought you were playing. It sounded like on of those Pokemon you sometimes talk about.

-Coconut crabs do sound funny…- You say smiling. He is obviously worried, feels guilty and embarrassed and will probably be torturing himself ever your scrape for days.- Don’t worry I did not believed they were crabs at fist either. - You explain while he takes the med-kit to cure the scrape.- I also thought they were huge spiders. They are not hostile…much, but don’t make them angry any ways. Their claws are very strong. Hey you !! You owe me a coconut after this! - You joke yelling at the crab, who has already cut another coconut.- Make it two!

Alfonse’s brows furrow at the joke but he also smiles. He finishes putting a salve on the wound and dressing it up. You walk up to the palm tree and look up.

-Hey I’m taking two of those if you don’t mind. Thank you! You are a life saver!

-You are taking it’s coconuts?

-Heck yeah. It can climb up faster and more easily than us. Besides, I already paid it with my blood.- You say laughing. Alfonse is looking at the crab with trepidation as it climbs down. There are four more coconuts on the ground besides the ones you took.- Want to look at it cracking the coconut?

-No.- He says a little disturbed and turns around to leave. You smile. At least he has forgotten about the heat.

-It’s weird…back on Earth they lived on islands that are more to the South where the climate is hotter. What are they doing here?- Alfonse send you a look that said “hotter?”.- I mean this year feels hotter than usual, but it is still colder than their original habitat.

Alfonse found a place under some trees and after checking out for more crabs he cuts the top of the coconuts with the big hunting knife he carries. After drinking the refreshing water he crack it with Folkvangr. After that rest you come to a place where there are some fishermen by the sea.

Alfonse approaches the men to ask for the town.

-A storm last year destroyed most of the town. The people relocated closer to the mountain north of here. We still come here for the fish. The road forks out some distance before the bridge. You didn’t see it?

- I thought it was a new settlement not on the map. Why didn’t your people report the move to the higher authorities?- Asks Alfonse furrowing his brows. The men look at each other.

-Are you related to Lord Andreas?

-Yes. He is my First Cousin once removed.

-A noble then?

-You may say that.

-Well. The pirates do not want the Lord to know about this.

-Pirates?!

-They have their lair inside the mansion near the new town. They arrived with the storm… We suppose their ship was taken off course and they landed here. They liked the place and took the mansion as their own. When we started relocating they prevented us from sending word to the Lord. They have the town hostage.

-I see. -Says Alfonse and then looks at you. You understand immediately what he is thinking.- We are going to need reinforcements.- You nod and call out your messenger owl.

-Celeste! Here!- You shout and then use the whistle that will alert the owl to come to you.

-A messenger Owl?- Asks one of the men.Alfonse goes to the horses and unpacks some parchment to write the message out.

-Yes. Will they know it carries a message?

-No. Messenger owls are rare here. Only the late Mayor had one and they killed it…along with the late mayor.

The message explaining the situation was sent to the Earl for him to send troops. After that the men told them how to get to the town but told them they would be watched.

Alfonse decided to make camp right there but not too close to the palm trees.

-Ah! You saw the giant spiders? They came with the storm and have been a real menace! I think the pirates were carrying them.

-They do look like spiders.- Says Alfonse under his breath.

-So they are invasive! I knew they could not be native! Have they been eating the birds too? Kittens?

-Yes and everything smaller than them. They come at night to hunt…how do you know?

- The coconut crabs are known to do that the island they live on is devoid of birds. They will throw valance of the ecosystem off.

- We have killed all the ones we have seen in town, but they are reproducing and people are afraid of them. We are more mindful of the kids, that is for sure.

- Do you not eat them?-The men look at you shocked.- They are giant hermit crabs without a shell. People in the islands eat them and say they are very good. They even think they are aphrodisiac….I mean they are not, but they think it.- The men look at you, then at each other and then at Alfonse who shrugs.

-They are not poisonous?

-The ones at home aren’t…I mean you don’t have to eat them I was just asking.

After setting up camp and getting the tent up and camouflaging it so the pirates would not find it so easily, you set up to cook something. The fishermen pitch in with some fish and some of them comeback from inland bringing something. After one look you see it is one of the coconut crabs.

-So mam. Do we just cook this like any other crab?- You nod. And they get to cooking it. It is too big for the pans so they dig a hole in the ground and fill it with the fire’s embers then a layer of sand and then some leaves and the crab. They place more leaves and cover them with a layer of sand and on top of that they build another fire where they roast the fish and you cook some of the food you have.

Alfonse had gotten very good at cooking on an open fire and he demonstrates when he cooks beans and bacon with ham, sausage and spices. A recipe he got from Gonzales. The men use coconut shells as bowls and cups. You had a great time while Alfonse questioned the men about the pirates and about any rumors they may have heard about the upcoming war.

-So what is your name Mam?

- It is ________.

-That is an unusual name. You seem to know a lot about them crabs. Are you from them Islands?

-What? Oh I just read a lot and have seen them on pictures…drawings.

-I have been wanting to ask. -Said the oldest one of the six.- We have heard tales…are you from The Order?- The man asks.- You are a nobleman and I can tell you are a warrior, not just by that one sword, but because of the way you move, and that sword could not belong to just anybody…- You leave this one to Alfonse.

- I am Prince Alfonse of Askr. As you can tell by my questions we are on a mission from The Order to find information about some rumors we have heard. Luckily we found you so we can help you out with the situation.

They all are shocked by the information except the oldest of them. It looked like his suspicions were true. There are coughs from one of them when he chocked on his food.

-MY name is Rauni Elmerson, I met your father once. Years ago. Maybe you do not remember me since I have aged, but I met you too Your Majesty. My father was the elder and he was your guide when your family last came to visit. You are just like your father. A man of the people. A good man. It was thanks to him that we survive the big storms. Before his visit we used the caves as shelter when the storms hit, but they are far and sometimes people did not make it on time. He ordered to build a shelter not far from here under Lord Andrea’s Villa. We built the new town next to it. The pirates use it for their lair. We have had no storms as of yet, so we have had no need to use the shelter.

- Of course I remember. We stayed in cousin’s Villa for two weeks. You and your wife came to bring us fruits and I remember your wife cooked for us. You had four children then. I did not recognize you with that beard.

- Yes. You remember. I have three children now. The oldest died last summer during the storm.- The man said. Alfonse and you gave him your condolences.- Thank you. My mother is the elder now. Your sister? I hope she is doing fine. I remember she was a ray of sunshine! She made friends with all the kids in the village.

-She is doing great. She is still a ray of sunshine and making friends with all the heroes in the Order.

-Yes. That is our dear Sharena.

- My Lady is your fiance?- One of the men asked curious. You could feel yourself blushing as bright as Alfonse. They looked at you and then you two answered that you were not engaged at the same time.

- I am his Summoner…well I am actually Askr’s Summoner. We are…partners.

-Oh! Please forgive me. I…

-No no…it is fine. We are alone in a mission after all. - Alfonse says.- We are partners, so they gave us the mission together. I did not want anyone else to be her guardian.

- I would not trust anyone else to be my guardian to be honest.- The men shared a knowing look but said nothing.

The men dug out the crab and they started eating it. They found they liked the taste better than the smaller crabs. They also could not believe they were dining with royalty and the legendary Summoner; that their prince would turn out to be such a humble person; refined and polite of course but humble enough to dine with some fishermen and even cook for them all. They were surprised he was such a great cook too.

The fishermen left for the village and the two of you were left alone. You had agreed not to get near the village until the reinforcements arrived. Still Alfonse felt it was a good idea to look around. Alfonse did not want to put you in danger but he did not want to leave the people alone. They had already suffered enough without help.

You two gave yourselves a dip in the sea before going to sleep but despite the cleaning you were sweating not long after going to sleep. Alfonse had planed on staying at his cousin’s beach house and spending some quality time with you but as thing were it would take some time to resolve the problem and you would end up not staying for too long after. Besides. It was too hot and he was too weary of the coconut crabs. He did not say anything but he thought he was going to have nightmares. He cursed his mind, that reminded him of that one book/movie about the dwarves lost in the fores with the giant spiders.

Alfonse looked at you from across the small tent. You were reading some lines from the report you had started to write moments before. He really wanted to breach the distance, but he also wanted to take off his skin with this heat. He bit his lower lip and then furtively he checked his armpits for any foul smells.

==All good…==

-I am so tired. I wanted to write the report, but my eyes are closing by themselves…That is it. This heat is getting me too sleepy. Good night Alfonse. I will finish this tomorrow.- With this you rolled over to your side.

There it was. He had taken too long staring at you and thinking about it. He sighed in defeat.

-Good night ________- He answered. He debated a good five minutes, weather he should try it again and get near you. He made up his mind and rolled over to your side. He looked over your shoulder and was about to plant a small kiss on your neck when he noticed your lips slightly parted and your even breath. You were asleep already.

He looked at you for some moments and smiled. He was tired too. He rolled over to his mat and went to sleep.

==Maybe tomorrow.==

The next day before setting out to explore the area the owl came back with a note. “We arrive in two days. Send map of location and how many sentinels there are.” They hear a raven and notice it had been following the Owl. This was Lord Andreas’ own messenger bird.

-I’m liking your cousin more and more. - Although you knew there were raven messenger birds, The Order used mainly owls as messengers and you had never seen an actual raven messenger bird.

- We need to get close to the village and see how many sentinels and guards there are but I don’t want you to put yourself at risk.

-I wonder if the fishermen will come today. I am sure they went out to fish earlier than dawn, but I wonder if they could give us an idea or a hand.

- Come we should get some breakfast and then form a plan after.

They were preparing their breakfast when a young boy of about fifteen years came walking fast holding some sacks on his back. He kneels on one knee in front of Alfonse in reverence and starts talking not looking directly into his eyes.

-Your Majesty.. My Lady. I apologize for my lateness. I have been tasked by my grandfather to be in your service. I was supposed to arrive here earlier but the pirates are in town today and it was hard to evade them to come to you.

- Rise up. Your name?

-Arlan Sir! Arlan son of Iver son of Rauni.

- Arlan. You are the elder’s great grandson then.- Arlan nodded.- Well met. Do not worry about your tardiness. It is better to be cautious than fast. I am grateful you have come to aid us. We will need some information, but first tell us. You said the pirates are in town. I don’t suppose it means all of them.

- Well they do leave a guard or two. One in the mansion and one in their ship close to the caves. Still they are not as cautious as you would think. They know how many people we are in town and they spy on us and the people and the merchants that come and go. They know no one of us will dare go near the mansion or the ship with them in town. My friends and I counted them and only two of them are missing so it means they were probably left behind to guard the treasure and the ship.

-Will they not miss you then?

- I was supposed to be fishing with my father so they should not miss me. Father will come pick me up when they are finished with the fishing.

-I see. Do you know how many of them are there? How many stay to guard the town in regular days?

-Of course! My friends and I even have an schedule. They may be pirates and a rowdy bunch but they are very organized! Their captain is a very strict woman.

- Great! Tell us everything and then help me draw a map of the new town -Said Alfonse writing some notes.

Notes taken and information made into a letter; Alfonse called at the raven waiting for their response. The creature came down to stand on his arm. Meanwhile you gave him a hand by tying the letter to the bird’s leg where a leather case was waiting for the papers to be kept safe. Arlan looked nervous and mistrusting at the bird. He had heard they could pluck your eyes out.

-Raven and crows are naturally intelligent and sometimes mischievous. They recognize faces and are able to pass this information even to their young; which means if you make them your enemies so then their future generations will remember too.…and they do like and collect shinny things. I am afraid they have a bad reputation because of that. I wonder if it may let me pet it.- You say looking at the raven. It turned its head sideways to better look at you and suddenly…

-YES!- Came the deep croaky voice of the raven answering. (2)

-See! He is not going to poke your eyes!- You said as you pet the raven’s soft and shiny feathers. -So what is your name?- You ask the bird.

- Draven

- That is an awesome name. Do you think your cousin would get very angry if I teach it to randomly say “Nevermore”?

-Why?- Asked Alfonse curious bout it.

-There is a poem about a guy who lost his bride and a raven appears to him through a window and keeps on saying ‘nevermore’.

- Please don’t do that. My cousin…

-Oh crap! Did he lost a loved one?

-…In a way…

-Oh! I’m sorry. I promise I will not teach him anything bad.

- Some say he was not the same after the war with Hel because he lost someone dear to him. Others say he goes to another realm to visit his love and it is an impossible marriage.- Says Arlan, his face reflecting sadness.- I do not know what would be worse.- Alfonse looks down and changes the topic.

-We better send him back and go take a look at the caves.- He looks at the raven and thanks him, instructing him to go back to his master. You could see he was avoiding something. You made a mental note to ask later.- Arlan you can lead us to a safe way to the caves after some breakfast.

- Of course your highness. By the way. My father told me to give this keys to you. They open the fortress mansion. Well…the secret entrance. You see. My great grandfather told us that there is a secret entrance before he was kidnapped by the pirates. Only a few people know about it. My Great grandmother is the elder now so she knows and she passes the knowledge to us who will one day perhaps be elders ourselves. This is why he was not able to say this in front of the others yesterday.

-They kidnapped your great grandfather?

-It was months ago…We haven’t heard anything from him. We believe he is dead.

-Are you too afraid to inquire about him?- Asks Alfonse with a furrowed brow.

-No we have done so may times. They just tell us he is safe and not to worry about it. I suppose they have got him as hostage to keep us in line…but…he is probably dead by now and that is why they will not let us see him or give us any information about him.

-I see. We will see that they meet the right punishment.Thank you for bringing these keys. We should give it a look after we come back from the caves. Arlan. Do me a favor. It is better for you to call me just Alfonse for now, in case we are taken captive. They should not know who we are.

-I…as you wish your…Alfonse.

-_______ ? Could you please take some supplies from the bags so we can prepare some lunch for the way?- Alfonse asks and you nod and go back to the horses that are tied up behind the tents. Then Alfonse turns to Arlan.- Arlan I need you to promise me something. Whatever happens to me, make sure she is saved no matter what. Do you understand?

-But…- Arlan started then a look of determination was set on his eyes when he saw how serious and solemn Alfonse was.- Upon my honor…Alfonse.- He said and took Alfonse’s offered hand to seal the deal.

-Excuse my curiosity but…do we really need to take lunch?- Asked Arlan some minutes later.

-She will get cranky otherwise.- Alfonse answers smiling fondly while looking at you.

You had a hurried breakfast and take the map and form a plan of where to go and how to get there.

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~

-Will we not get spotted ? -You ask when walking out of the cover of the trees and step on the stones of the rocky slope that led to the caves.

-The pirates do not care about the caves. Apparently they explored it and found nothing of use in there. There really isn’t anything of value to them. The people used them only as refuge once ago, but their value is in their beauty. You will see. Besides it is close to the old road. The one you took. They do not keep watches over it. That is why they did not see you coming.

- You should have told me that before so I could inform Lord Andreas.

-Well I thought hey would be using the old road since he will not be aware of the new one….was I out of line?

-No. I suppose you are right. Still I will send the Owl to let him know this and any useful information we may get from the caves. Why don’t they watch the road?

-They think it’s haunted.

-What? Haunted? Why?- Alfonse asks a little to fast.

-Ever since the dead came back to walk the living world he have had sightings of…well strange happenings.

-Oh… I see. - Alfonse said nothing more but you could see in his face that he had something in mind.

- We have you to thank for saving us from that right? We are pretty remote so we did not see much of the situation and no battles thank Lord Askr, but we have no love for that witch… she came through here once you know… and him…

-Hel?

-No! Queen Thrasir! She came through here some time during the war against Hel. What she was looking for we do not know, but sometime later He came. I only saw him briefly…The first King. He was a sight to behold too… - Did they give you a lot of trouble?

-She did. When she came. She brought a horde of the dead. Lord Andreas was around thankfully. The people who cold not fight hid in the mansion.I was too young to fight, sadly…Lord Andreas was fighting her personally and they say it was an impressive battle!

-And Lif?

-No… he…came by himself one night…He came when Lord Andreas was away fighting in the front. My friends and I were out patrolling and we saw him on the road. He disappeared near the Mansion and we did not dare follow. Some people say they have seen him around, but I think it is just their imagination. Can I ask you something?- Asks Arlan who had stopped walking and was looking down to his feet. Alfonse made a sound of assent, but avoided looking at you or him.- Is it true? We heard he was being manipulated by Hel, but…is it true he was the one who saved us in the end?

Alfonse stopped. It had been a general agreement to keep the secret of Lif’s and Thrasir’s true identities. Only a couple of people knew the truth counting F Dimitri because he had seen too much. He sighted looking grim.- It is thanks to his and Thrasir’s sacrifice that we were victorious…

-Oh…I see.

- I wonder why he came by himself? And are you sure the people who saw him later are not …actually seeing him?

- Of course not! They have seen him recently and I mean the dead did disappear after Hel was killed right?- He asks nervously.

-You are right sorry.- You say avoiding Alfonse’s eyes. Alfonse said nothing but he had the feeling there was more to it and he knew you knew. He wondered why Lif would be coming to these parts of Askr.

-Let’s get going then.- Was all Alfonse said.

Once in they reached the caves you spare a moment to use the spyglass to take a look at the pirate ship.

-Do they ever sail to steal other ship’s cargo?

-They have done it a couple of times, but they always leave people to watch the town. I think they are afraid of Askr’s Navy, and that is why they don’t sail more often. Also they find all they want at town.

- We have had no reports of attacks to ships. I will have to have a talk to the Navy officers when this is over. Come we need to get inside and take a look.

-Should one of us not stay behind to keep watch?- You ask. Alfonse shares a look with Arlan.

- Will stay to keep watch Alfonse. The cave does not branch enough to get lost, but be careful. We have not been around to inspect it. There may be something dangerous.

- We will be careful.- Said Alfonse and took your hand in his to go inside.

It took some time to explore the caves. The entrance tunnel of the main cave was as expected made of what looked like what once had been an undersea cave with tale tell signs of human interaction. There was a main “road’ where the sediment was darkened black by the acidic touch of mammals, but beyond the road flanked by column, stalactites and stalagmites the rest of the surfaces were covered by the wet sheen of water and glitter of crystals of many colors that hit with the light of the lamp shone like stars. It took you by surprise that being a shelter for the people it was so well taken care of. They had been sure to interact with the natural formations as little as possible and so the beauty had been preserved.

You came to an open space with a raised in the middle that was as big as a baseball field. The middle ground was higher than the surrounding paths and was full of small basins where water once flowed. It looked like it had been dry for a long time.

This place was once the shelter the village used before the shelter at the mansion was built, now it was home for the hundreds of bats hanging upside down from the ceiling.

- Damn…that’s a lot of… bat crap…and bugs uggg…- You whisper as to not disturb the bats and covering your nose because it smells horrible.

-We better circle around to the other tunnels. Although their presence will disturb the cave formations.

-I would throw a stone and watch the world burn, but I am afraid of rabies and a cloud of bats coming from the cave would alert the pirates of our presence.

-We will get rid of them after we take care of the pirates. Come.

You go around the atrium and are about to take the widest tunnel which seem to be on a rise when you step on a whole you could not see before. As you fall the stone around it cracks up and fall which inevitable makes it big enough for you to fall completely down it.

Your try grabbing on to the sides but they crack and you fall down the hole into the darkness. The fear is numbing you and you can barely hear Alfonse scream as you are swallowed by darkness. The last thing you see before shutting your eyes to brace for the impact was Alfonse ‘s hand trying to grab your outstretched hand.

The fall did not last long and the pain was not as sharp as you thought. When the shock was over and you were not as dizzy you were aware of Alfonse’s frantic calling.

-________! ________! Are you alright? Are you hurt!!

-Umm…I’m alive?…wait let me get up… I’m a little sore but I’m good…Hey! This place is not so deep.. and I think I fell on something soft.

-gggrrrhh

-OH FUCK ! Alfonse I think there is someone here!- You say while you look down to where you had landed and find someone trying to get up.

Alfonse lowered the lamp to look around and find you trying to help the person in the hole to get up.

-I am so sorry! Are you alright?- The man was dressed in some kind of very dirty uniform you had never seen before but had the Askr insignia on the chest.

-grrr…- The man responded backing away with his face lowered. That is when you noticed the dark stain on the uniform. It look like old dried blood.

-Alfonse! He is hurt!

Alfonse who was watching the scene unfold without talking suddenly said.- _______. Are you hurt? Are there any open wounds on you? Get away from him!

-What? Why?- You ask confused. The man then looks up at Alfonse with widen eyes and then at you.

-Can you for once do as I say?

-I…OH WHAT THE FUCK! Crap,crap,crap,crap!!!- You say as you see where the blood had been spilled. It was his neck. His neck had been slit from side to side. It was a wonder the guy could make a noise at all. At the sight of your reaction the man backed away further in the darkness with his hands in from of himself as if letting you know he meant you no harm.-Alfonse. It’s a zombie!! It’s a fucking zombie!…wait…wait… I don’t think it wants to hurt me…-You add because the man looks more scared than you.

The man made a noise and stepping up to the light still with his hands up in front of his chest and shaking his head. He even made a signal to Alfonse who growled a little in anger.

-Just stay where you are and check if you have any open wounds, while I tie the rope somewhere and lower it. And stay away from him.

-Ok.- You answer.-So…- You start awkwardly- …you have been down here for long?- You ask and the the man shakes his head again.- Were you brought here by Hel?- He seemed to think about it and then nodded once and then shock his head.- Ok… I am going to need Alfonse for this…- You check your hands, legs and torso for blood and find none.- So are you stuck here?

The man lowers his head and slowly shakes it. He points down and then along what you assume now is a tunnel. The movement seemed sad to you somehow. It made you feel bad for being afraid of him, but you had not been around a dead person since Hel…well not counting Lif. - He’s been away for some time…- You say looking up.- Sorry I fell on you…and that I scared you…

The man just nods. You take a look at him on the bluish light of the lantern his skin looks almost translucent. His hair is dark blue and his eyes deep red of course as are all of the risen. He looked like he was a handsome man just out of his teens. You start to get sad by all these thoughts so to distract yourself you start to hum. The sounds is amplified by the stone around you. Looking around to see what else you can make out in the dark; you see movement and turn to find the man moving his head a little and tapping his feet.

-Oh you like that?- He nods.- I would sing but there is a horde of bats on the ceiling just waiting to find us lacking…I mean…you know…what they do…- You try to explain and find that he is looking up at the hole with trepidation.- Although…they probably flew out scared when I yelled back then.

-Here! I will lower the rope so you can climb up.- You hear Alfonse saying.

-Hey Alfonse what about the bats? Did they fly out?- You ask while taking the rope to try and climb up. In your opinion he had too much faith in your capabilities.

-Just hold on and I will pull you up.- Alfonse says. You take the rope and at the moment he pulls at the rope there is some movement and noise. You look up to see bats flying around his head. A moment later he slips and falls down. He would have fallen on you but he got a hold on the rope and your new friend pulled you away just in time to not get hit by his falling body.

-Fiddlesticks! Did I hurt you?- He asks looking around for you. You are standing next to the guy who is holding you close to him protectively. When he feels Alfonse’s glare he lets go of you and backs away. You understand two things at the moment. One if this guy had wanted to hurt you he would have done it already. As frail and sickly as he looked, he was actually inhumanly strong and fast. You had felt it in how fast and easy he had taken you and carried you to the side away from danger in a heartbeat.

-No. He saved me… again. Thank you Sir!

-Great…- Grumbles Alfonse. - Thank you …Sir…Let me climb up and then I’ll get you out, just in case the pirates were alerted by the bats.

-Hey Alfonse… wait. Sir… you said you were not stuck here. Is there another exit?- You ask him. He looks at you and then his eyes harden when he looks at Alfonse. He looks back at you and then he nods.

-That is great!

-Wait…you can talk?- Alfonse asks because most of the risen you two had seen during the war were mostly just killing machines that behaved like beasts.- The man shakes his head and points to his throat.

-Oh!…I see. I…my apologies. I did not mean it that way…it is just we have not encounter …err…dead that can understand us.

The man looked at the fallen lamp that was still lit and lowered himself next to it, to touch the ground with one of his fingers. You saw him write something on the dirt.

-When Hel commands you…-erases when he makes sure you two are done reading.- you have no control….we were beasts to her.

-I see. I am sorry to hear that. We saw that with one of our friends.- You say remembering how she had used Lif and Thrasir against their will as if they were her puppets.- You said Hel had brought you here and then not? How is that? But first you need to tell us your name.

-I was called Gerard Viscount of Nibelheilm.

-Gerard Andreas…you were killed in the Battle of the Thousand Tears against Embla. During the first war.- Alfonse says in wonder. Gerard nods.- Lord Askr! You are the second youngest General in history!- Exclaims Alfonse excitedly. Gerard looks puzzled.

-Who is… first now? - Gerard asks. Alfonse sits on the ground next to where Gerard is writing. Gerard mimics the motion.

-The current Earl of Nibelheilm. Your great, great, grandson.- Alfonse says.- Cousin Alfonse Andreas.- There was a small smile on Gerard’s lips.- I am named after him.

-Wait…- You ask hating to stop Alfonse’s fangirling.- General? Son? Just how old were you?

-I was 22… when I was …appointed General.

-By merit! I read all about it! You were a genius in the battlefield! Cousin Alfonse is as bright as you!

-I had …my first son at 23…a daughter at 24…died at 26.

-Wow …I don’t even have a cat…unless you count Ranulf and Lethe…

-You have an army of heroes to manage.- Said Alfonse looking your way.

-True. They do behave like toddles sometime…

- You are …the legendary hero…- writes Gerard.- And you are prince Alfonse…- a confirmation, not a question.

-Oh so you remember us from the battles?- You ask.

-No. I never saw you in their ranks. I would have noticed. Hel would have used your gift…this is why he came here…- Says Alfonse staring at Gerard.

-What do you mean?

-Did he bring you here? Do you know who Lif really is?

-Yes…yes.

-Why? I get him keeping your skills hidden to not be used by Hel… but why ? And why keep you here?

-The plan was…to work for Hel only…to get the kingdom back….then finish her off… I would help him with that…

- So Lif’s plan was always to fight her back?- You ask.

-Yes. Except he was not waiting for Hel to ask for this world in particular to end…our world. It threw the whole plan off…we threw it off.- Gerard nodded and Alfonse looked away for a moment, thinking.- And …now…I see…so that is what he is planing…

-What? What is he planing? Alfonse?…

-It…Don’t worry about it Summoner. We need to go before the pirates find us here. We need to seal the hole…We can’t let anyone know you are here.- He tells Gerard. Gerard nods and jumps up the rope and climbs out. Soon enough the rope is thrown down along with Alfonse’s and your backpack that had fallen on the tunnel floor and then he jumped in.

- I will cover the hole…after I show you the exit.

Alfonse got up and took his pack. - How is it that you still bear your wound? All the others seemed …healed except for Lif and Thrasir.

-I could talk before….it came back after Hel…was destroyed.

-So he can keep you here but is not strong enough to keep you complete?

-He can not heal me…or himself…yet.

- “Yet”…not for the lack of …I see…

There is no confirmation or denial on Gerard’s part and even though you did not fully understand what they are talking about you don’t ask anything. Alfonse would tell you later if it was important right?

-I can sew up the wound…and then I will be able to talk…but there is no time now.

He pointed to his neck and you were able to see the cut was just under where the vocal chords would be. They would be intact. Indeed if the wound were to be sealed he would be able to talk. Or at least in theory.

-Interesting!

-Indeed you are right. We have been here too long. Come we need to leave.

-Oh wait my bag! We have the lunch in there.- You say going to pick up up the backpack. Gerard looked interested when you turned around. You start walking together while he leads you to the other entrance.- We have some cheese and bread with sausage, in case you want some.- You say and are surprise by how fast he turned to you and nodded. Alfonse looks puzzled in the low light of the lamp.

-So you can eat?- Alfonse asks and Gerard nods, makes notion with his hand that lets you know he does not actually need to eat.

-Ah you can but don’t need to. I do suppose I would miss the taste too.- Gerard nods and smiles at you.

Soon he leads steadily to a branch of the tunnel that starts to rice until you reach a dead end. He pulls a lever on the wall and a piece of rock moves and gets out of the way. It lead to a smaller tunnel that leads to the auditorium. The walls are solid rock without moisture and you can see why it was chosen to be the exit to the tunnel. It is located higher by a couple of feet, than the actual floor of the tunnel and in the shadows so it would not be visible from below as there is a rice in the edge before you can jump down.

-Thank you for saving me Gerard! Here! Have this food. I hope you like it. There is some sweet bread in there too.- You tell him and give him all the lunch in the bag. You knew he did not need it but you know how craving something you don’t have feels like. Gerard motions at you and Alfonse.

- Ah don’t you worry about us. We have food at camp. It’s where the old town used to be in case you want to visit.

-Just be careful not to be seen and of the giant crabs.- Alfonse says making a face.

-It’s not like they are going to kill you Alfonse. They will only eat you if you are too wounded to move or are already dead.

-What?!- Exclaims Alfonse with a look of horror mirrored by Gerard who had had a puzzled expression beforehand.

-Any ways. You can also write to me if you can or need to. Just use a code name like Sirius or something.

- It may be in our best interest if you do not risk yourself but do reach up to us if you need to or want to… Just be careful.- Says Alfonse with a serious expression.- Do you have means to communicate?

Gerard nods to that but motions to something far off.

-Only to him…

-We can leave Celeste with him. Our Owl.- You tell Gerard. He closes his eyes for a bit and shakes his head in a resign sort of way.

-I see…it is better this way. It is up to you to tell him about us…Thank you again Sir. I am very grateful for what you have done for us…and glad to have met you. We will see each other again.- Alfonse says gravely. Gerard nods solemnly. He turns to you and caresses your head and hair.

- I wish… Thank you…Until we see each other again.- You say filling so much at the same time.

You two jump down and leave. Gerard can still hear you talking while walking down the tunnel back to the light of the day he misses so much.

-You were kidding about the crabs right Summoner?

-Sadly…no…they are scavengers Alfonse…just like regular crabs…what? You did not know that?

-No.- Says Alfonse and in his mind he will never see crabs the same way again.

-Wait until I tell you about Spider Crabs…- You say mischievously. Gerard hears only a groan from Alfonse.

Still your surprise visit had lifted his spirit. Smiling he goes back to the chamber where his rooms were located. He needed to think whether he should report the incident. He will think it over as he fixes that hole in the ceiling tonight.

Once out you find that Arlan is coming back from the forest. He tell you he could hear your scream and had gone to see if someone else had been around to hear it. He had encountered one of the pirates and followed him around. Apparently they had not heard anything. When he confirmed all was fine he came back to see if they needed any help.

Alfonse explained that you two had slipped on guano and hut yourselves and you had twisted your ankle to boot. Arlan had explained that the bats were a new addition to the caves since they were afraid of the crabs. In Alfonse’s mind those crabs really had to go. All of them.

That night you two are too tired and sad for anything else but check on Dimitri and Lord Freyr.

- Dimitri is not responding…

-He is probably already asleep. Do not worry. He is a capable man and he is with Lord Freyr.

- I am worried about him too… and about…him- You motion to the direction of the caves-…I feel bad leaving him by himself…in that place…

-He is in a better place than his prior residence.- You take that to mean that the caves were better than Hel…and yes they were even with the bats and beetles. But he was alone and he seemed sad.

-He seemed sad…

==Anyone would be sad after meeting you and letting you go.== Thought Alfonse smiling warmly at your sad face. The urge to cares your cheek was overwhelming.

- We will see him again. Do…you..Do you need a hug?- He asks and his heart flutters at the bold suggestion. He was going out of his way and comfort zone and you knew it. Alfonse was not one for hugs. Not like he did not like hugs in general. In fact Alfonse was a bit touch starved and craved being hugged by Sharena and you but the way he had grown up prevented him to be comfortable with shows of intimacy. He had come a long way by letting himself be hugged and holding you when stressed out, but he still was very reluctant to ask for or offer them. You smile at him and let yourself be hugged for a bit. Soon it was too hot and you let go to go to sleep.

Alfonse would have wanted more, but as you succumb to sleep and he watches over you, his mind is too busy with all the ideas swimming in his head. He knew he had to think about all the possibilities of your discovery. The impact it will have on the war and how it changes his perception of the past.

It was a while before he too succumbed to sleep.

AN:

This is the same Earl Andreas from my oc story Iris, but from another Askr. This one from this Askr knows the people from Iris though. They met during a winter festival. I am yet to write that part.

Ravens and crows can be taught to talk and imitate human voice like parrots and are much more intelligent than they are. There is a kind of Ravens that do talk like humans do in the Middle Earth of J R R Tolkien. This crows will be of the same quality.

I think my characters are hijacking the story and I have no idea how to stop this!T_T I literally just wanted something cute that was part of a Hero’s Journey and here we are! Dimitri is being so difficult and shy and Alfonse so possessive and jealous T_T XD As a side note I just learned the “possible” fate of Amelia Earhart. I came cross the video by chance. I think Google is at it again with the spying. So I added it to the story as an after thought. Poor Alfonse will surely have nightmares.

[alaffy]

The Last of Us, Ep. 3 - Long, Long Time (spoilers)

This post is going to be extremely short as I’m only going to give a brief recap of what this episode was about.  And the reason for this is because this is very much a character piece.  It’s a strong story; but it’s the nuances in the two actors that really bring out what makes this episode so special.  And to read a long explanation about it, just doesn’t work.  Honestly, even if you’re not a fan of the show, I would still recommend watching this one episode just because it is a great piece of television.

But the story boils down to Bill and Frank; two people that live outside the Quarantine Zone and have been mentioned a few times.  And the story starts in 2003, where we find out that smaller towns were evacuated and the people were taken to the Quarantine Zones.  That is, if there was room.  If not, then they were rounded up and killed.  Bill happens to live in one of those small towns.  Bill also is a survivalist and is able to avoid the army when they came for the rest of the people.  After the town is cleared and the army has left, Bill uses his knowledge and his survival skills to block off the town and make his own secure area.  A few years later, Frank manages to stumble into one of Bill’s traps.  After assuring Bill that he’s not sick, Frank is able to talk his way into coming into the compound.  What’s more, as they spend time together, Bill and Frank realize they are attracted to one another.  

And that’s what this story is about.  It is a love story in the time of a zombie apocalypse.  And so the majority of this episode consists of flashes of the next seventeen or so years.  How Frank started to fix up the place, how they met Tess and Joel, the first time raiders came to try to take their stuff, and little moments in between.  However, we are talking about a period of almost two decades and these two weren’t young to begin with.  And, by the time Joel and Elle get to the compound, the two have been deceased for a few weeks (in fact, that’s why the radio turned on at the apartment.  To signal something had happened to them).

Now, I’m not going to go into the details of how and why they died (again, this is something that is better seen then told).  But the two knew it was going to happen.  And Bill has left a letter for Joel to let Joel know that he allowed to take the stuff he needs.

This includes a truck that Bill had kept running all of these years.  Joel tells Elle that he’s going to go west to find his brother.  However, as his brother is a Firefly, the odds are his brother can tell them were they can take Elle so she can get to the doctors.  As they are preparing to leave, Elle manages to sneak a gun into her bag (something she’s been trying to get since the first episode).  And then they leave the compound.  

[revanchistsuperstar]

Think I got a delayed emotional reaction to OFMD season two because I just started crying HARD listening to This Woman’s Work on the way home from the gay bar tonight. Weepy sad faggot details beneath the cut:

I’ve already said mentioned sort of not explicitly in the tags of a lot of posts what I’ve been going through the last few months but this is a fucking boiling point so let’s get into it.

I kissed a random man at the club tonight. He was gorgeous. He ticked every box I could think to have ticked. Otter, but a bit (lot) fruity. We were at a bear bar, I saw my friends do an awesome drag show, I was having a wonderful, happy time. Got flirted with and desired by a random man, the only thing I as a gay trans man have ever wanted. Almost was like “please, just take me home and fuck me” but he was off to another club and I didn’t feel like comitting to the bit as they say. Because here is the sad truth.

Ketan is the only person I’ve been able to see myself with for months. I love him. I hate that I do, but I do. He kissed me like I literally have never been kissed by a man before, this cisgender gay man, kissed me like I was the most beautiful, desirable man he’s ever known. We’ve known each other for

Eight years.

I’m absolutely not monogamous. I’ve had feelings for other men during the time I’ve had feelings for Ketan. This crush came on when I was still with my ex fiancée, I’ve felt this way for YEARS.

But the mother fucker had to kiss me, make me feel worthy of something for the first time in my life, say “I know,” when I told him I’d felt this way about him for years and kiss me again harder after our lips pulled apart that first time, keep kissing me that whole night over and over and over, and then pull a 180 and suddenly become too scared to talk to me ever again and tell me he was heartbroken and he couldn’t deal with this, when he was the one who came on to ME, because I as a gay trans man am so convinced every cis gay finds me repulsive I’ve never even made a Grindr despite desperately wanting to be dicked down most every day and night.

He had to say “you should have told me how you felt. I still might have done this but I would have been prepared” but then completely ghost me for an entire month.

He had to refuse to discuss it to the point that seven months later I still am so fucking confused I don’t even know how to explain to our mutual friends what the fuck happened.

And now here I am. Kissing a random, beautiful man but thinking of him. Thinking about how insane I went when he wasn’t talking to me at all, how I nearly lost my job because I was so suicidally depressed I would wake up every day and have my first thought be “I don’t want to be alive.”

I should be hoping, but I can’t stop thinking.

The fucking OCD mood.

This weird part of me keeps thinking “you two are meant to be together in the end, just be patient, this is the love of a lifetime and nobody has ever made you feel like this before, you two literally can talk to each other with just looks, every single damn thing about your lives is a mirror of one another, this is fate, this is a higher power doing this” but the rational part of me is so, SO fucking upset and hurt STILL and I hate both of these parts of me and I just don’t know what to do besides cry and dare to hope this might work out like it does on TV.

I miss you so much, Ketan. You’re literally only a few hundred feet away, posting “dinner for one” on your IG story, and I’m so much of a coward I can’t even text you and tell you what I feel.

And there has to be a god damn fucking tv show starring my COUSIN who LOOKS LIKE ME making it easy to project with a song that I’ve loved for years and just cuts to my core because it could be about US and I’m driving home from the club when I should be so over the moon that I got to kiss some dude who was so beautiful I’m just crying instead and…

Ketan I miss you so much. Why the fuck is this so triggering and so hard.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Love Struck

It’s been a while since I've had an manga recommendation worth writing about. I feel like I've been neglecting that aspect of my blog, mostly because finding the time to actually sit down and write out something on these things is kind of a pain right now. Life has been getting in the way pretty regularly because of course it would, which is kind of frustrating because this blog is kind of how i wind down from life you know? It’s this, movies, and games. Those are how i relax. It’s an odd thing to say when I'm basically critiquing and generally hyper-focusing on stuff enough to write a relatively detailed breakdown about it but, you know, neurodivergence! Either way, there are a few manga that have caught my attention and i finally have the time to sit and gush about them. Prepare for a deluge if manga recommends in the coming weeks because i have a ton of them. To start off, i want to talk  a little bit about Eiyuu to Kenja no Tensei Kon. Now, this blog is chock full of Isekai recommends because there are just SO many Isekai out the right now. A lot of them are trash, can’t eve begin to front about that, but there are a few gems in there.

Technically, Reincarnated • The Hero Marries the Sage ~After Becoming Engaged to a Former Rival, We Became the Strongest Couple~, isn’t an Isekai but it still hits all of those tropes. It’s more a Reincarnated type story, but even those are just Isekai tropes without the inherent Isekai triggers. Still, the strength of this particular take on those tropes, is the fact that they are just thematic in nature and take a backseat, almost immediately, to the characters, themselves. Eiyuu is about the Hero of the human Kingdom of Altein, Reid and the Sage of the Elf Kingdom of Vegalta, Elria, who clashed against each other in many battles before passing away, then being born again into a brand new world a thousand years into the future. They retained their memories, and insanely overpowered abilities, but have never lost that competitive nature or yearning for peace. A millennia later, the world they left behind, that world of malicious strife, has finally found rest and these two were given the opportunity to fully experience that peace they so longed for, so many years ago. This story isn’t about our two protagonist continuing their friendly rivalry. It’s not about two, wildly overpowered, people trying to change the world. No, it’s abut two friends, who happen to be the strongest in history, finding each other after crossing time, itself, and rekindling that intimacy into something more. It’s basically a slow burn romance comedy that just happens to star a reincarnated Hero and Sage. That’s why i love it so much.

Now, I'm a sucker for this content, straight up. I love fantasy. Eiyuu is set in a fantasy world. I love romance. It’s very obvious this narrative is going toward that direction. I mean, the name has “Married” right in the title. The thing is, though, this sh*t i adorable! Like, the characters, themselves, are an absolute delight to read! That first chapter, alone, was more than enough to hook me and that’s rare. It usually takes three or four to really get me to commit but no! That first chapter told me exactly who these characters were, where they were going to go, and how the world, itself, functions. I read those scant thirty-one pages and was immediately captivated by the narrative presents. Like, i needed that next chapter, immediately. All credit has to go to Fujiki Washiro for that. Cat came through and promptly showed his skill but giving us, as readers, so much in so little space. thirty pages is nothing and yet, here i am, spilling my guts about his story. That makes since considering their bread and butter is in the light novel. Reincarnated doesn’t have a light novel counterpart but, considering how deftly it’s written, you wouldn’t know it. I’m curious if this earnest way of telling stories is found in their other works, like Holy Swordsman's Magic Sword ~Because I became the master of a lonely and healthy demon sword, I will do my best to love it~ ? Might be worth looking into later. Now, I'm a sucker for solid writing but i have the aforementioned light novels for that. What sets manga apart from those i the art and i can say that Eiyuu has some of the best I've seen in a while.

The very first thing i noticed, in that very first panel, was the use of movement. I know that sounds absurd because it’s a static picture but, if you know anything about comics, there ways to make that happen and Nishi Riku really understands how to execute them. You can absolutely see those energy waves crashing around our protagonist while those magic formulas do their thing above. It is everything a splash page, a taste of what’s to come, should be but it doesn’t stop there. The action sequences are fantastic and feel properly devastating. You believe the damage done or the force of impact going forward. There is weight to these character designs and a realism caught up in this fantastical world. I love the whimsy and how the levity in the script is capture with Riku’s lines. There are legitimate examples of deadpan humor which are conveyed in a very direct, very theatrical, manner. This is particularly impressive considering that, you know, it’s conveyed through a goddamn comic book! This is all the more impressive when you take into account the this is Nishi Riku’s first work! Like, i can’t find anything else they’ve done! What?? How did this gem of an artist go unsung for so long?? Actually, i take that back. They have one credit under their belt, Oda Nobunaga to Iu Nazo no Shokugyou ga Mahou Kenshi yori Cheat Datta node, Oukoku wo Tsukuru Koto ni Shimashita, but that’s credited under Nishirikyuu so maybe not?

Listen, i love this book so much. Eiyuu to Kenja no Tensei Kon is one of the few manga i read, for which i track updates. It’s just that good and I'm just that hooked. Never mind that it’s premise is a bit derivative and smacks of Isekai tropes, the character work, world building, overall writing, and exceptional art, more than make up for it’s overall tropiness. It rivals Chillin Different World Life Of The Ex-Brave Candidate Was Cheat From Lv2!, Ryuu to Ayumu Nariagari Boukensha-dou ~ Youzumi toshite S-Rank Party kara Tsuihou Sareta Kaifuku Majutsushi, Suterareta Saki de Saikyou no Shinryuu wo Fukkatsu Sasete Shimau ~ !, Nito no Taidana Isekai Shoukougun, Tensei Shitara Ken Deshita, Isekai Shikkaku, Kajiya De Hajimeru Isekai Slow Life, and Isekai Mokushiroku Mynoghra, as day-one favorites. The second these things drop, i am all over them and they have yet to disappoint. The other titles i just mentioned are both excellent and worth a read but they have a few chapters on Eiyuu. My darling fantasy romance is only four chapters in but it’s split into parts, so that count is more realistically at six or seven. We’re still waiting on part two of chapter four. I hate when they do that but it does keep you on edge for however long it takes for an update. Reincarnated • The Hero Marries the Sage ~After Becoming Engaged to a Former Rival, We Became the Strongest Couple~ is an exceptional read and i highly recommend giving it a shot. You won’t be disappointed!

[smokeybrand]

Love Struck

It’s been a while since I've had an manga recommendation worth writing about. I feel like I've been neglecting that aspect of my blog, mostly because finding the time to actually sit down and write out something on these things is kind of a pain right now. Life has been getting in the way pretty regularly because of course it would, which is kind of frustrating because this blog is kind of how i wind down from life you know? It’s this, movies, and games. Those are how i relax. It’s an odd thing to say when I'm basically critiquing and generally hyper-focusing on stuff enough to write a relatively detailed breakdown about it but, you know, neurodivergence! Either way, there are a few manga that have caught my attention and i finally have the time to sit and gush about them. Prepare for a deluge if manga recommends in the coming weeks because i have a ton of them. To start off, i want to talk  a little bit about Eiyuu to Kenja no Tensei Kon. Now, this blog is chock full of Isekai recommends because there are just SO many Isekai out the right now. A lot of them are trash, can’t eve begin to front about that, but there are a few gems in there.

Technically, Reincarnated • The Hero Marries the Sage ~After Becoming Engaged to a Former Rival, We Became the Strongest Couple~, isn’t an Isekai but it still hits all of those tropes. It’s more a Reincarnated type story, but even those are just Isekai tropes without the inherent Isekai triggers. Still, the strength of this particular take on those tropes, is the fact that they are just thematic in nature and take a backseat, almost immediately, to the characters, themselves. Eiyuu is about the Hero of the human Kingdom of Altein, Reid and the Sage of the Elf Kingdom of Vegalta, Elria, who clashed against each other in many battles before passing away, then being born again into a brand new world a thousand years into the future. They retained their memories, and insanely overpowered abilities, but have never lost that competitive nature or yearning for peace. A millennia later, the world they left behind, that world of malicious strife, has finally found rest and these two were given the opportunity to fully experience that peace they so longed for, so many years ago. This story isn’t about our two protagonist continuing their friendly rivalry. It’s not about two, wildly overpowered, people trying to change the world. No, it’s abut two friends, who happen to be the strongest in history, finding each other after crossing time, itself, and rekindling that intimacy into something more. It’s basically a slow burn romance comedy that just happens to star a reincarnated Hero and Sage. That’s why i love it so much.

Now, I'm a sucker for this content, straight up. I love fantasy. Eiyuu is set in a fantasy world. I love romance. It’s very obvious this narrative is going toward that direction. I mean, the name has “Married” right in the title. The thing is, though, this sh*t i adorable! Like, the characters, themselves, are an absolute delight to read! That first chapter, alone, was more than enough to hook me and that’s rare. It usually takes three or four to really get me to commit but no! That first chapter told me exactly who these characters were, where they were going to go, and how the world, itself, functions. I read those scant thirty-one pages and was immediately captivated by the narrative presents. Like, i needed that next chapter, immediately. All credit has to go to Fujiki Washiro for that. Cat came through and promptly showed his skill but giving us, as readers, so much in so little space. thirty pages is nothing and yet, here i am, spilling my guts about his story. That makes since considering their bread and butter is in the light novel. Reincarnated doesn’t have a light novel counterpart but, considering how deftly it’s written, you wouldn’t know it. I’m curious if this earnest way of telling stories is found in their other works, like Holy Swordsman's Magic Sword ~Because I became the master of a lonely and healthy demon sword, I will do my best to love it~ ? Might be worth looking into later. Now, I'm a sucker for solid writing but i have the aforementioned light novels for that. What sets manga apart from those i the art and i can say that Eiyuu has some of the best I've seen in a while.

The very first thing i noticed, in that very first panel, was the use of movement. I know that sounds absurd because it’s a static picture but, if you know anything about comics, there ways to make that happen and Nishi Riku really understands how to execute them. You can absolutely see those energy waves crashing around our protagonist while those magic formulas do their thing above. It is everything a splash page, a taste of what’s to come, should be but it doesn’t stop there. The action sequences are fantastic and feel properly devastating. You believe the damage done or the force of impact going forward. There is weight to these character designs and a realism caught up in this fantastical world. I love the whimsy and how the levity in the script is capture with Riku’s lines. There are legitimate examples of deadpan humor which are conveyed in a very direct, very theatrical, manner. This is particularly impressive considering that, you know, it’s conveyed through a goddamn comic book! This is all the more impressive when you take into account the this is Nishi Riku’s first work! Like, i can’t find anything else they’ve done! What?? How did this gem of an artist go unsung for so long?? Actually, i take that back. They have one credit under their belt, Oda Nobunaga to Iu Nazo no Shokugyou ga Mahou Kenshi yori Cheat Datta node, Oukoku wo Tsukuru Koto ni Shimashita, but that’s credited under Nishirikyuu so maybe not?

Listen, i love this book so much. Eiyuu to Kenja no Tensei Kon is one of the few manga i read, for which i track updates. It’s just that good and I'm just that hooked. Never mind that it’s premise is a bit derivative and smacks of Isekai tropes, the character work, world building, overall writing, and exceptional art, more than make up for it’s overall tropiness. It rivals Chillin Different World Life Of The Ex-Brave Candidate Was Cheat From Lv2!, Ryuu to Ayumu Nariagari Boukensha-dou ~ Youzumi toshite S-Rank Party kara Tsuihou Sareta Kaifuku Majutsushi, Suterareta Saki de Saikyou no Shinryuu wo Fukkatsu Sasete Shimau ~ !, Nito no Taidana Isekai Shoukougun, Tensei Shitara Ken Deshita, Isekai Shikkaku, Kajiya De Hajimeru Isekai Slow Life, and Isekai Mokushiroku Mynoghra, as day-one favorites. The second these things drop, i am all over them and they have yet to disappoint. The other titles i just mentioned are both excellent and worth a read but they have a few chapters on Eiyuu. My darling fantasy romance is only four chapters in but it’s split into parts, so that count is more realistically at six or seven. We’re still waiting on part two of chapter four. I hate when they do that but it does keep you on edge for however long it takes for an update. Reincarnated • The Hero Marries the Sage ~After Becoming Engaged to a Former Rival, We Became the Strongest Couple~ is an exceptional read and i highly recommend giving it a shot. You won’t be disappointed!

[hanaonesflower]

Vent of the day: online dating

For me, e-dating has been second nature ever since I was “mature” enough to have a boyfriend. You see, I dated my first boyfriend at the ripe age of 15 and I met him on a form of social media. (We were both the same age don’t worry). However, I had really strict parents so seeing him without having to be sneaky was nearly impossible, no it WAS impossible.

Him and I dated for almost one year, almost completely virtual. Since we went to different schools and seeing each other outside of it was so difficult. We broke up one month before what could have been our one year anniversary. I thought it was the best decision to make because we essentially couldn’t see each other and a relationship that was strictly online wasn’t my thing.

Fast forward to about 2 years later when I met my second boyfriend. I was 18 at the time and he was 19, I had met him on Tinder and begrudgingly having to lie about how we met to my parents. At this time, they have already loosen up around the idea of me dating this guy but still set a lot of limits on me. He, however, was quite the opposite of me and had more freedom than I did.

We broke up after 15 months, and I’m glad we did.

A year later I met what I called my situation on Tinder as well, we spoke primarily online and did set up a day to meet in person… but that day never came. A lot of details went into why we didn’t meet and also why we no longer spoke after that day but I’m not going to get into that.

Then, another year goes by and I met someone else on Hinge. This person was rather interesting, he gave me all and everything I could have wanted at the time, and really showed me how much I was loved and cared for. I was truly receiving the princess treatment. I vented to him about my past traumas and why my perceptions are the way they are because of said traumas. He sympathized with them, but managed to use my long texts of trauma as an instruction manual. Because, the day that everyone dreads coming, he told me he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. A part of me felt that it was coming, but the prior knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. He insisted that we stayed friends but I needed space from him since at this point I’ve already liked him too much to remain friends without completely destroying my mental health. I kept a distance from him for 2 months before I completely broke down on the phone, crying about how much I missed him in a drunken haze that I could barely recall now. I was in Mexico and have had too much to drink that day.

What he said to me in that moment will always stay with me. He said “it’s already been 2 months, and you’re still on it?”

It’s heartbreaking enough to know that we could never date, it was Earth shattering to know that all he did for me was nothing but a facade. Maybe I’m just being sensitive, you could even call me naive and dumb for allowing him to do this to me but hindsight is 20/20.

I left it as is and decided to never speak to him again regardless of whether there was an emergency. Then a few months later he snapped me a pic of him and talking about how he had been hitting on girls in cafes that he went to. Something really boiled inside of me that day that I decided to block him on everything without any explanation or announcement. I just did it. And I think I was at the end of the ropes because doing so came so easily to me. Imagine someone say they weren’t ready to be with you but went out of their way to be with someone else. There were many other factors that went into why we got to that point in the first place but this would be over 10k words long.

Eventually I gave up on finding anyone on dating apps. This doesn’t go to say that dating apps completely suck, I know people who have had many successes on dating apps and I’m happy for them, but it’s bleak for me. I’ve never, in my life, been able to form a romantic connection with someone in person. There are things I need to reevaluate about myself as person.

I can’t find it in myself to even speak to someone anymore. These dating apps drained the life out of me, and it made me question a lot of things, most of it about myself. Dating apps have done a really good job at tanking my self esteem and raising self doubts and doubled down on my insecurities.

I hope that I won’t need to go back on those godforsaken dating apps anymore and will be able to make connections with someone irl. Pray for me yll, it ain’t gonna be easy.

[bmaxwell]

My Soundtrack of Life 3 of 3

fun - The Gambler

About a year later I met my wife. She’s the love of my life, she’s my best friend, it’s sappy and corny as hell and this is our song.  As much as I feel like I’ve squandered a lot of my time and made some poor choices, I won the lottery where love is concerned. I never dreamed it could happen.

It’s called The Gambler because this is why we date people, this is why we find people and fall in love and lose people and experience all the wonder and joy and suffering that comes with putting yourself out there. These are the stakes.

Fun has an authenticity that I am in love with.

Rush - Headlong Flight

This one is a stand-in for every time I’ve been to a concert and there’s that one song, that one moment. There’s almost always a song I didn’t know very well, or didn’t much care for that stands out when I see it live. You Are by Pearl Jam, Over the Electric Grapevine by Primus, Death of a Drag Queen by Sponge, and Ashes in Your Mouth by Megadeth all come immediately to mind.

My most recent example is Headlong Flight from the first time I saw Rush. There’s a short, rapid little guitar buildup near the end of the song. For me, it was one of those moments where I sort of stepped outside of myself and took it all in. I looked at the lights, the crowd around me, and just smiled and savored all the details, just being alive and present at that particular place and time. Not a favorite song going into the show, that moment stuck with me.

Foo Fighters - Over and Out*

Our first child slept through the night on their first day home from the hospital. Out second child did not sleep for more than two hours at a time for his first six months. It was harrowing, being exhausted absolutely always.

At some point in this stretch, I decided to put the Foo Fighters Skin & Bones Live DVD on the TV for the first time. I’m a casual fan of the band at best, so I don’t know most of the songs. This song, however, hit me HARD that first time I heard it. All the stress and exhaustion and worry I’d been carrying around all came pouring out. The chorus of Are you there? Do you read me? Are you there? I don’t feel you anymore. hit especially hard. I could feel the connection with my partner waning as we didn’t have anything left after basic day to day functions and caring for our newborn.

Tom Waits - Time

When you have a newborn that won’t sleep, you get desperate to soothe them. Nothing is off the table. Singing to a baby might not be a stretch for most people but, well, it is for me. I don’t know why I went with this song, but his voice is deep and comforting, and it’s a range I can pull off. 

This became my go-to lullaby song whenever I needed one. 

Steven Wilson Pariah

This song sums up my depression so incredibly well. 

So the day will begin again Take comfort from me It’s up to you now You’re still here and you’ll dig in again That’s comfort to you It’s up to you now

So many days, all I could do was to take solace in the fact that, even if I can’t handle life today, I’ll take another run at it tomorrow. Steven Wilson’s music often makes me feel seen in a way that almost never happens. 

This song brings tears to my eyes not because of what I am going through, but because of what I have gone through. I’m in a better place these days than I had been for many years. Depression is something you manage, not something you cure. And I know that when I have to wrestle with it again, my family and friends will be there for me. I’m still here and I’ll dig in again.

*Seeing Dave and Taylor’s legs tapping in sync in this performance makes me both happy and sad 

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

@dennisboobs oh yes yes your tags are always astounding spot on additions!

God, I love all your tags. That box, that box, it’s about getting out of that box, cats in the wall, cats in boxes, schrodinger’s Always Sunny. I had a different post I’d been struggling to get into words about Always Sunny being about identity and the struggle to find one’s own when it’s so inherently tied with/influenced by that of others or what they think others perceive/expect/want their identity to be, especially after so long of seeing one aspect of them, being in that box. Mac’s identity tied with his father’s, trying and failing to be the perfect son he always wanted, his style, his aggression, his prejudice and repression. Dennis and Dee’s identities tied to their own parents’ neglect and abuse, one striving for this perfection that never was and the other striving to be an actress where she’s someone else anyone else. Charlie tied to Frank and the fact he never knew his dad. Mac and Dennis tied to each other, two halves of a whole but who are they on their own, so willing to change to please others until they’re not, and in that way how they’re all so intertwined with each other, Dennis and dee as twins, Charlie and frank as the gruesome twosome, Mac and Dennis as something more, etc. etc. Not going into major details now because you know!

Identity tied to their pasts, their traumas, their misconceptions, identities never fully being allowed to come to the surface except in brief glimpses, the masks they wear becoming just as much a part of them as what’s underneath because of just how little they’re able to take it off, in their roles they’ve been almost pushed into and playing for so long, to change or break the mould feels like breaking a part of themselves and what they built. (If we don’t open the box, the cat is either dead or alive but once it’s opened, there’s the possibility of facing the fact it’s dead for sure... but again what if it’s not, what if there’s something alive and ready to break out in there and we’re keeping it smothered. Open the damn box.)

Always Sunny being or rather becoming about the fluidity of identity and how things can change drastically over the years while still staying the same, and it doesn’t have to be a give and take, but sometimes it does, sometimes you have to make a change in order to move forward but “You're still you! You've always been you!” And legit as I was typing this, @sunnykeysmash just came out with an incredibly brilliant and much more articulate and detailed essay about how these themes of identity also tie into RCG’s feelings about the direction of the show as a whole, among so many other genius observations about the later seasons that are just !!!! I can’t really put my own thoughts into words perfectly rn so I’m gonna stop typing just because thinking about this show is genuinely making me ill, I’m leaning against a wall like:

Was thinking about Dennis coming home after North Dakota, and thinking about what if Mandy knows, what if Mandy is the only one who knows? I mean really knows like not just deeply suspects from all the skirting around, but what if Mandy is the only one Dennis was able to open up with/admit his real feelings about Mac to or even less specifically about anything to, because she’s not entrenched in everything the gang is, she’s from such a different world that on some level she’s got this sense of unrealness about her to Dennis, one that lets him feel like in contrast he can be more real himself to make up for that, because who else is gonna know?

Then was thinking about how each time when Dennis is away from the gang, as this unrealness seems to persist, he tends to let his guard down, be more vulnerable, more unsure, he slips into different roles, as if trying to figure himself out for the first time, figure out who he is outside the gang and everything its history entails, but what if when in ND, after everything with Mac, he did figure himself out, and maybe being with Mandy helps him see that and it’s hard for her not to see it too, see how he doesn’t belong there/can’t belong there, so she lets him go, but he was already too deep in the role, like a method actor gone too far, and now that he’s back, now that he’s not in that particular role but can’t exactly just happily return to his old role in the gang either, he’s trying to reconcile every role he’s ever had/created for himself within him throughout the years and cycle through them, trying desperately to see if any still fit, peeling away all the layers and masks he’s tried to get other people to see him as, (cold/emotionless, killer, womanizer, god, etc.)—all roles he’s also tried to see himself as so as to reason away and not face his traumas head on—until finally laid bare underneath is the real Dennis, the one he’s been keeping hidden for so long except in little glimpses when his grip on control slipped, the one that is sensitive and terrified and feels too much and too little, and doesn’t always understand why, the one who loves his friends, loves Mac, and just wants that in return, the one who’s been playing so many different roles for so long he’s almost forgotten what it’s like not to play one.

Like, the Dennis we start to see as the seasons go on is not Dennis the person, it’s Dennis the character, the one he’s created for himself and others have inadvertently created for him, the “I just wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations of me” result of his mother instilling this burning necessity to be this perfect golden boy in him, his father never letting him be emotionally open/trying to toughen him up by making sure he always expects the worst and just has to suck it up, Mrs. Klinksy forcing him to recontextualize his assault as more of a conquest of something he wanted on his part rather than what it was, etc, etc, so he becomes a golden god, he becomes a hardened shell that doesn’t let his feelings get to him, he becomes the guy who controls the women and never lets them control him because they’ve convinced him this is who he is, who he’s always been, right? *wavering* Right? And he tries so hard to convince everyone else, digging himself deeper and deeper into this persona no matter how ill fitting, (going further into the wall), letting this flanderization of anger and rage and emptiness and a scary, almost dangerous edge overtake him until even the one person who’s supposed to see the real him (because I know you, man) starts to fall for the mask, too. And he realizes he doesn’t want to play this role anymore, he never did, but the mask is stuck... the mask is stuck and no one even knows he’s wearing it.

[tuulikannel]

Akabane Karma in the official character book, p. 3-4 translation

(pages 1-2)

Here’s the last two pages for you! In this part, some of my translations are very different from the other older translation. The other one’s via Chinese, though, so that might of course cause some issues. I’m relatively certain of most of my translations, though there are baffling parts too. It’s perfectly possible (if not likely) that I have some mistakes here too. If you spot anything, please don’t hesitate to tell me!

Also, a reminder, this book came out after vol. 13, which reaches up to the school festival. So in a sense, parts of this is old info. 

Karma behind the scenes

As he is quite aloof, Karma is perceived as a little unapproachable by everyone. What kind of connections in the class does someone like him have…?!

 

Shiota Nagisa (addressed as Nagisa-kun) [though we do know this changes later]

They became close during the first year, but after the suspension in the second year they became a bit estranged.* Karma’s home is strange due to his parents’ hobbies, and Nagisa is the only one who has seen it.

[*That’s what it says, but… I thought they were estranged already before the suspension. And it was by Karma’s choice… but at this point in the manga we haven’t yet learned about that, so perhaps either Matsui hadn’t thought out all the details yet, or then he didn’t want to reveal it to the readers quite yet.]

Terasaka Ryouma (addressed as Terasaka)

With Terasaka, it’s easy to know what’ll come out when you poke him, as if you were holding him on your palm. Resonates from being hit, and the sturdiness is great.

Okuda Manami (addressed as Okuda-san)

Karma finds Okuda the kind of girl you can talk with about anything. She is also strangely not scared, which removes Karma’s wariness and the walls between them.

Isogai Yuuma (addressed as Isogai)

Isogai is worried about the dangerous Karma and voices it, but Karma himself is bad with the kind of kindness he shows.

Kanzaki Yukiko (addressed as Kanzaki-san)

Unexpectedly: gamer Karma. Having confidence that he can do almost anything better than others, one day he plays against Kanzaki who is said to be a master, but he doesn’t win.

Sugaya Sousuke (addressed as Sugaya)

Karma is still a little feared within the E class. Therefore, there are many classmates, like Sugaya, who would want to make retorts and tease him, but who take a step back.

Nakamura Rio (addressed as Nakamura)

They have conversations daily, at random places. They’re both vulgar and intelligent, and the conversations might move from extortion to world economics in three seconds.

Sugino Tomohito (addressed as Sugino)

Karma is introduced to many friends through Nagisa. With Sugino’s straightforward sporty character, even the hotblooded Karma speaks normally with the Nagisa & Sugino set. 

Asano Gakushuu (addressed as Asano-kun)

The exchange of cutting remarks is for them a declaration of fighting intent. There isn’t any indication they’d become friends, but they are both competitive, hate to lose and they also can get themselves stirred up, so they are perfect rivals.

Matsui-sensei's behind the scenes data

His parents are free spirits who’ve made a killing in day trade. They spend most of the year away from home, traveling. “Do it as soon as you think it” and “Anything goes as long as you don’t bend the core” are their pet sayings. They might not be at home, but they’re pronouncedly reflected in Karma’s personality.

[The manga panel is from where he says he likes his name and that sometimes children inherit their parents’ weird tastes.]

It might be weird to describe his parents’ personalities like this, but it’s solidly hereditary.

[lower left] Because he is provocative, quick to resort to violence, and the daily fights don’t cease, he is wary like a wild animal. His usual aloof attitude is to hide his wariness and also to keep the opponent from becoming wary.

[lower right] Karma makes tenuki* moves in assassination training in order to reach Karasuma’s weak spot. But Karasuma is better than that!

*tenuki, a move which is not a direct counter to the opponent’s last move​.

[And, done! Huh. This was actually pretty hard at times. ^^;; As I said, feel free to correct any mistakes you might spot. That includes, btw, also ones with English.]

(masterlist of my translations)

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

[zaceouiswriting]

The sweet and The jock

Character: Sweet Pea x male reader

Universe: Riverdale

Warnings: None

The hallways were filled with laughter. One guy in a letterman jacket running behind another one, holding a little book. Making fun of the guy behind him, telling him that he was slow, but at least he had a good throw. If not, he wouldn’t be on the team. But no one sounded it like he was making fun of him, but more to annoy him.

„Come on man, give me the book back!“, the slower guy cried after the faster one. But he just stopped, seeing his friend so far away from him, he opened the little book.

The moment, the slower one saw this, he panicked. Ran faster than before, to get to his friend before he could read it. But it was already too late. 

„Bro, for real?“, the one reading the book, asked the other one. He immediately comes to a halt. Looking at his friend in terror, but he just read the book more closely now. Not really acknowledging his friend anymore, „Bro this is sick! You need to show me how to do this!“

The faster friend, finally told him, closing the back and giving it back. „Are you for real right now?“, he asked in utter disbelieve. And the faster, slightly taller one, nodded excitedly with his head. „Yeah, I felt warm and fuzzy reading your poems. Especially the one with the warm summer. The love you had found there under the walnut tree. Amazingly written and so detailed without needing many words.“

He did not realize what he was talking about until his friend looked at him with an open mouth. „What’s going on bro?“, he asked to stay face, but the cat was out. The good thing was, nobody was around and his friend and he, both now knew a secret of the other so that no one would ever find out.

As they turned away, a looming shadow vanished in the darkness of a classroom, which neither of them had seen. Not aware, that somebody had heard them, they went on their merry way, joking and laughing together just a moment later, as if nothing ever happened.

The two friends, became closer, the smaller slower one, and learned a lot about each other. Man things nobody knew about him. He was distraught as he learned that he was a natural in everything he does. He learned violin in a matter of months, at the same time as piano. Not once did his grades dropped beyond the best and he was an excellent athlete.

For things he needed years to learn, his friend was able to grasp in a short amount of time. „How do you hide it this good?“, he asked him at some point.

His friend smiled at him. „I’m also a natural in acting. But I must say, I love the jock life. Nobody really thinks that I can do anything and for this, they never expect something from me, besides being dumb, making rude comments, and being a prick all the time,“ he laughed as he told him the advantages of being like them.

Again neither of them saw the shadow looming around a corner. Only this time, taking a video of the two, as they talked, clearly audible what they were saying.

It didn't take long, for this person to make their move. As you the next morning came into the school. Opened your locker something almost fell out of it. A tape recorder, with a note attached: „If you don’t want me to leak the video, this audio tape is from bring…“ Before you were even finished reading, you already stormed off.

Your locker still open, you stomped in the direction of a classroom, that for a few weeks now is occupied by a new club. Almost ripping the stupid door out, as you barged into it, you immediately looked at the guy with the beanie.

„Jughead, what the hell is this bullshit?“, you cursed at him, as you threw the recorder and the note into his lap.

He was perplexed to see you there but did not say anything until he looked down at his lap. „Someone is blackmailing you, I guess?“, he told you nonchalantly. But it only made you more furious.

„I don’t get blackmailed. I get blackmailed by one of your members! Do you see the way it is written? I have never seen this type of writing before, your guys came here. Not only that, in the rest of the message are so many errors, that I needed to stop before a fucking blood vessel would explode in my brain!“

Jughead looked at you funnily, as if he tried to understand what was happening. „Either, you find you did this, or I promise you, I will make all your lives a living fucking nightmare! I will loosen my grip on the team I have and will let them run a rampage.“

With that, you stormed off again. Slamming the door so hard, that a part of it broke. Not realizing, that someone else now has you in his line of view. Looking at you closely from afar, not letting anything get by.

From this day on you, put space between your close friend and yourself, just to make sure, that nobody would find out. You did not want to be seen as anything other than a dumb jock, even though your teachers knew better. But they also knew better, than tell anyone.

Nothing seemed different in the days coming, at least not for you. That was until while practicing, one of the serpents walked onto the field, just after you had thrown the ball. „Look out!“, you screamed at the guy, just before the ball hit him in the head. You ran to him as fast as possible, while he was already surrounded by the rest of your team and your coach.

It took, the guy a while until he could sit up, without falling again. The coach ushered everyone except you away, so you could bring him into the nurse's office. But the guy was taller, more muscular, and heavier than you. But despite the difficulty, you brought him into the school.

A good while before the nurse's office, the guy out of a sudden, walked normally, pulled you into an empty classroom, and closed the door behind him.

„What the fuck?“, you breathlessly exclaimed, as he was looking you up and down. „I followed you the last couple of days and-“ Before he could finish his sentence, you already had your fist clenched ready to punch him, but he was faster than you, which you never had before. He pushed you back until you landed safely on a chair, bewildered you looked at him

„Jughead found the guy. You were right, he was one of us. How you did it, with only his writing is impressive. Here is the recording. Don’t worry, he will never do something like this again.“ 

Relive washed over you, as you finally had in your hands, what you knew could destroy your image. Before you could thank the guy, he looked down onto the floor. „I watched the footage,“ he told you sheepishly. Even scratching the back of his head. „I heard you telling your friend, about your ex-boyfriend. Must say, did not believe it even after hearing it, but after following you for a couple of days, I accept it. And wanted to ask you, if you maybe want to go to Pops with me?“

You were flabbergasted as this guy, first told you, that he invaded your privacy, followed you like a creep, and now wanted to go out with you? On the other side, he was extremely handsome. His black hair and dark mysterious eyes, let you feel a lot. And he was a gang member. So life most likely would never get boring. Still, you acted like you needed more convincing. As he just stood there, saying nothing you made your way out, without giving him an answer.

You were able to see his puppy dog eyes before you left the room. „Seven in the evening, wear your serpent leather jacket. I will be waiting in a corner booth.“ Not waiting on any response, you immediately left the room, taking the memory out of the camera and stomping on it. Only after seeing it in little pieces did you pick it up and threw it away. Just for you to run out, throwing the camera somewhere and getting back to practice.

But your mind was full with this guy and the audacity he had, talking to you like that, after everything he did. You liked him, maybe even a bit too much already. Maybe you could even train with him. The right statue was already there, he only needed some coordination training. Still better than your ex-Conner, whose religion was more important than your love.

[Masterlist]

[nationalharryleague]

Two for the Show

Summary: Jeff plans for Harry’s new opening act to be more than that. 

Genre: Famous Fake Dating! 

Word Count: 17.1k!

Pinterest Board

A/N: Hey babes!! This is something I’ve been working on since December now and I’m so fucking proud of it and how it turned out!!! It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written and I’m so so so excited to hear what everyone has to say!! Giant thank you’s go out to the incredible soph (@theharriediaries​) and Lu (@meetmymouth​) bc this never would have come to fruition without them and their help!! Please let me know what you think!! More of my writing can be found in my masterlist!! Happy reading y’all :)

***

Keeping appearances in the public eye is a delicate balance.

If Y/N was being honest with herself, everything Full Stop Management had ever suggested to her had worked, and very well. When they suggested her music took a more pop direction, they set her up with a team of fantastic producers and her music sales and popularity skyrocketed. And when they set up an appointment with a celebrity stylist to figure out her signature style, it worked; they turned her into the 1970’s inspired goddess she had always dreamed of being. Even the hours of media training that she had been put through worked, helping her learn how to bob and weave even the most intrusive of interview questions.

But this time, she thought they might be going too far.

“Jeff,” she began with a sigh and a doubtful shake of her head, “I don’t know about this one.”

“It’s just a few months before and during the tour,” explained the man sitting across from her at the long conference table. “You’ll be seen in public a few times to drum up publicity for the tour and your album, maybe do an interview or two together, and some light PDA.”

His expression was honest and earnest. In the time he had represented her, he had never done anything to her that didn’t help her succeed. It was not hard for her to believe that he just wanted what was best for her and her career.

But something kept holding her back.

“I just got my heart broken in the most public way,” she said softly, absentmindedly fiddling with the base of her ring finger where an engagement ring once sat. “Isn’t it a little too soon to be seen jumping back into a whirlwind romance?”

“I don’t think so. If anything, it will make James look even worse than he already does after what he did to you.” She had to admit the idea of a little revenge did perk her ears up a bit. “And it doesn’t hurt that Harry is so universally loved and known for being such a good guy.”

That was another reason she was skeptical of this entire plot. This was Harry Styles they were talking about; Harry fucking Styles. She had only met him once or twice while working out details for her to be the opening act for his upcoming tour, but she had been a big fan of his and idolized him since she was a teen. Just meeting him threw her inner 16 year old self for a loop, let alone trying to pretend she was in love with him.

In all honesty, it probably wouldn’t be too hard on her end once she got over being starstruck; she wasn’t so sure she still wasn’t kind of in love with him, or at least the version the public saw.

“Listen,” Jeff began again, his voice taking on a bluntness, “no one cares about the opening act. No one bought tickets to see you; they’re there to see Harry.” His words stung but she knew it was the truth. “But if they think you are a part of Harry’s life, they care about you too. And they will keep on caring about you after they leave the show.” Her apprehensiveness must have been clear on her face when he put on a gentle smile. “He’s a really nice person. I promise.”

“I know,” she breathed, a small pout finding its way to her lips. “Fine,” she conceded after a moment, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically to signal surrender. “I’m in.”

A triumphant grin spread across his face. “Thank you. I’ll go call Harry and tell him you’re down.” She watched as he got up from his chair and came towards her, pressing a brief and friendly kiss to the top of her head. “You won’t regret this, Y/N.”

“I better not, Azoff,” she chuckled while shaking her head slightly.

Soon she was alone in the conference room, basking in the light from the floor to ceiling windows that sat before her.

“What did I just get myself into?” she mumbled quietly to herself.

***

The answer to that question came two weeks later when she was sitting across a table from the Harry Styles at a small outdoor brunch spot in LA. Their meeting place was strategic, a small restaurant, not too flashy so it didn’t look like they were seeking attention, but outdoors where anyone could see. It was only a matter of time before he was recognized, and the sighting was almost guaranteed to be trending on Twitter only minutes later.

She couldn’t say that she wasn’t nervous. The inside of her mouth had been chewed raw and the bags under her eyes showed she had been having trouble sleeping in the nights leading up to their first appearance together. By the end of the day, she would most likely have countless articles written about her and possibly have millions of angry fangirls coming after her; even though their “relationship” wouldn’t be officially confirmed for a few weeks.

If all went to Jeff’s plan, she would become an A-lister overnight.

She stood in front of her closet for over an hour, trying on and taking off outfits before finally settling on her favorite pair of bright red corduroy flares and a crisp white textured halter top. She paired the outfit with a new pair of heeled leather boots. They were a flashy pair that were split down the middle, bright yellow on one side and white with yellow stars on the other, hoping Harry would appreciate the bold colors.

She meticulously did her makeup, sure to match her lipstick color exactly to the shade of her pants; and spent far too long in front of the mirror fussing with her hair, praying it would lay the way she wanted it to.

She knew that she was going to be photographed in some way shape or form, and with the fashion icon himself. She had to look good. He had been on the cover of Vogue for god’s sake.

When she finally arrived at the cafe, Harry sat quietly across from her. He looked casual, or as casual as Harry Styles gets. A yellow t-shirt, that was tight enough to look as if it was painted on, showed off his muscular chest and arms. His iconic tattoos illustrated his arms and she hoped he wouldn’t notice as she covertly tried to examine closely. He uncomfortably ran his palms down the legs of his high waisted denim flares that had been paired with his signature pearl necklace and ratty, but well loved, white vans.

And she couldn’t forget his rings. His signature gold ‘H’ and ‘S’ looked back at her as he gently grasped his flute filled to the brim with a mimosa, bringing it to his pink lips that were surrounded by the short stubble he had been wearing lately.

The pair sat in a slightly awkward silence, both seeming to down their mimosas quickly just because it was something to do with their hands and could occupy their lips so they didn’t have to talk.

To say she was panicking, wouldn’t be too much of an over exaggeration. She was sitting across from one of the world’s biggest stars, and as one of his biggest closeted fans. The things he could do for her career were astronomical and it was hard to ignore that, but she also had a hard time getting over the way his hair seemed to fall into perfect tousled curls and his dreamy green eyes.

She had been in love with him (or at least the idea of him) since she was 16. She couldn’t help it.

But the bottomless mimosas helped to break her anxiety, and apparently his as well, as they both began to feel a slight buzz.

“So how did Jeff end up talking you into this?” Harry eventually broke the silence, the alcohol lowering his naturally shy inhibitions just enough to kick off their conversation.

She let a playful eye roll take over her face before she began. “Oh Jeff,” she said jokingly, letting out a long sigh. “I was convinced somewhere in between ‘it’ll make your ex look bad’ and a stern ‘no one ever cares about the opening act,’” she chuckled, while sarcastically wagging her finger in the air, dramatically re-enacting his scolds.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth, letting out a dramatic ‘ouch.’ “He’s not always gentle, is he?” matching her chuckle.

“He knows where to hit you where it hurts,” she laughed, while nodding in agreement. “How did he convince you?”

“Coincidently, he also took a low blow involving my ex. I believe his words were ‘You wrote an entire album about her and haven’t dated anyone since and it makes you look kind of pathetic.’” He dramatically used air quotes and did his best impression of Jeff’s American accent. She couldn’t hold back the giggles that erupted from her.

“Oh my goodness,” she let out through slightly buzzed giggles, “you definitely win.”

From that point, their conversation began to flow more easily, easing her anxiety as she learned he was generally easy to talk to. He laughed at her jokes, and she laughed at his. He really did have the calming and disarming quality that people always said he had, like could melt down any walls and convince you to be honest with him, even if you didn’t really want to be. She was shocked to find that she wanted him to genuinely be a friend to her so badly. He was just so nice and such a good listener.

Their conversation took a turn when Harry’s super power of knowing when his picture was being taken kicked in. “Give me your hand,” he said to her, diverting from the pleasant conversation they had been having about their families. “Don’t look but there’s someone across the street taking photos of us.”

His instructions brought her back to the reality that they weren’t really friends and that all of this was for show.

She brought her hand up to meet his, strategically resting on the side of the table that faced the street, giving the camera the best view. The cool metal of his hand full of rings felt good against her skin that had been baking in the hot LA sun and he passed his thumb over her knuckles with faux affection.

She couldn’t help but feel a dishonest weight pulling on her heart. She knew everything was going to plan and this was all for the best, but it also felt slightly wrong. She played with her small heart shaped earring to distract herself from the sinking feeling.

“Harry,” she began, knowing the people across the street were out of ear shot. Her voice brought his attention from her hand back up to her eyes. “Does this feel wrong to you at all?”

“How so?”

“It just feels dishonest, like we’re lying to millions of people, our–well, mostly your fans.” She couldn’t help but correct herself.

His eyes softened at her words, like he was taking in the innocence she still held onto after only being in the industry for a short time, compared to his decade in the spotlight.

“I try not to think of it as lying,” he spoke slowly after a moment of thinking. He nodded along softly to punctuate his words. “When you think about all this as lying, it starts to weigh pretty heavy on you as a person. I try to be as honest as possible in my music and daily life, but that’s not always what people want to see. They want a show that will entertain them, and it is our job to give it to them.”

“I see,” she mused.

They sat together for another hour or so, allowing their small mimosa buzz to wear off enough for them to drive the short distances to their homes. The pair eventually found their way back to a comfortable conversation, but Harry’s comment about being in the public eye still weighed on her.

Suddenly, she wasn’t sure if all of this was worth it. Y/N was a master at dodging a question and turning the charm to 10 when it was needed, but she wasn’t a liar and she definitely wasn’t an actress. She hoped she (or Jeff) hadn’t bitten off more than she could chew with all of this.

Harry eventually walked her back to her car that was parked a few blocks away, and while she was sure he was doing it for the cameras, she didn’t doubt that he would have done it even if they weren’t there. He just seemed like that kind of guy to her; caring and trustworthy.

“Thank you for a very nice date, Harry,” she said, winking and chuckling along with the extra emphasis she put on the last word.

“My pleasure,” he smiled down at her. He moved along with her as she walked to the driver's side door, opening it for her like a perfect gentleman. The two stood close, his body hovering over her’s as they stood inside the open door. Her heart rose to her throat as he leaned down to her and pressed a gentle kiss to her burning cheek.

Y/N  looked back up at him with rosy cheeks and a tightlipped bashful smile. She watched as he walked backward carefully, taking her hand that had been locked with his until he was too far and let it fall back to her body.

She situated herself in her drivers seat and was ready to leave when she heard a knocking on the passenger side window that startled her. Harry had bent himself over and was motioning for her to roll the window down. When she did, he leaned himself in, an honest look in his eyes.

“Before you go,” he said gently. “A word of advice from someone who had been in the public eye for a long time,” he spoke with a tender yet serious tone, eyes locking with hers. “When you go home today, don’t go on social media. People are mean, and it’s just going to hurt.” She nodded along with his words and watched as he pinched his bottom lip. “And when you inevitably can’t resist, text me if you need to talk about it.”

***

They must have done a good job putting on their show because within an hour of her returning home to her apartment, they were all anyone was talking about. Their names were trending worldwide #1 on Twitter. Streams of Y/N’s debut album were up by 800%, and even Harry’s streams had taken a considerable jump. Y/N had gained 40,ooo new followers and views on every interview she had ever done were steadily rising.

All was going according to Jeff’s plan.

Harry’s words circled her brain for hours. “Don’t go on social media,” she heard him say over and over again as she paced her apartment, only stopping to look at the phone sitting on the kitchen counter every so often.

She had taken a shower, done her hair, tried to watch TV, cooked herself dinner, and even tried to sit down and write a song; it all got her nowhere fast. The unknown was eating at her inside.

Y/N broke when she heard the small ding signaling she had gotten a text message. She had all but sprinted to see who it was, reunited with the outside world through her touch screen. Unsurprisingly, it was from Jeff; the message sent to her and an unknown number she assumed to be Harry’s.

Good job, kiddos., was all it read but there was a photo attached to the message. Her heart stopped while she waited for the photo to load, cursing her slow wifi in the process. After a few breathless moments, the photo came through.

It was a screenshot from the website of one of the biggest entertainment magazines in the country. A picture of him kissing her cheek was the front page of the website.

Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N Rumored To Be Music’s New Power Couple Ahead of Tour

She was honestly speechless. This was huge.

She would like to say the sheer shock blurred her judgement, but the curiosity just got the better of her. Harry’s words repeated over and over again in her head, telling her not to, even as her finger connected with the icon of the little blue bird.

She was the most talked about topic in the entire world, her name hovering in bold letters on the trending page. She did everything she could to not click on her name, but her fingers did it all on her own.

The first few tweets were nice. Someone said they liked her style and that they looked cute together as a couple. Another said that they had always enjoyed her music and that they were happy for them.

But as she scrolled, it became harsher and just mean. People commented on her weight, said she couldn’t sing, and criticized her personality as seeming fake and forced. Her eyes were locked on the screen, unable to look away, as her heart began to break and few tears began to roll.

It took one final, and the most painful, tweet for her to consider deleting her account completely. She swiped out of the app fast, but the words were still burned into her brain.

Y/N is using Harry, just like she used James before he got rid of her and found someone better.

The words knocked the wind out of her, pouring salt on an open wound that had yet to heal.

She also had the little blue bird for that heartbreak as well. When she opened the app two months ago, the first thing she saw was pictures of her (former) fiance, James, with his tongue down some girl’s throat. At the time she had been devastated, her heart broken beyond repair.

It felt like no one else in the world could understand the way she was feeling. If she was in this position because of another person, they must get it too. The text to Harry was already sent before she had time to think it over.

I looked and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen.

His response came only seconds later.

Don’t be sorry. It’s hard not to. Are you alright?

She had to think about his question, unsure if she knew the answer. Tears were still running down her face and she felt like she was a target the entire world had decided it was open season on. Logically, she knew these people never thought she would see these awful things, but it didn’t excuse the hurt she felt when she did.

I don’t know. I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel.

She felt like she was bothering him, even though he had offered to be there for her. He wasn’t her best friend, or a close confidant; he was her fake publicity boyfriend. He had real friends he wanted to talk to or maybe even a real girlfriend underwraps somewhere. Her body was wracked with guilt as she thought it over.

People are just mean on the internet, okay? They think they can say whatever they want without repercussions. I’m so sorry that you are being targeted because of me.

Before she got a chance to think through a proper response to him, her phone dinged with another text. It was from Jeff again.

Really good job, kiddos.

Y/N was confused. They hadn’t done anything else but be seen together today. Her sick sense of curiosity got her again before she opened Twitter again and looked up Harry’s name. He had tweeted for the first time in six months only a few moments ago.

@Harry_Styles: We treat people with kindness.

***

The next time she saw him was two days later at yet another public meet up Jeff had arranged for them. Unfortunately this time, she had become just as famous as Harry seemingly overnight, the flames of her new found fame growing even larger after he had sent that tweet.

While the fame had grown, the hate had calmed since his statement, which most had taken as an official declaration of their relationship. Now, that was not to Jeff’s plans.

She had to fight her way out of her apartment complex, wearing a pair of massive dark sunglasses with circular lenses and shielding her face with her hands the best she could. But she did have to admit that the electric orange fabric of her jumpsuit probably didn’t do much to help her blend in and avoid the attention of the paparazzi that had now found out where she lived.

Harry was sitting at the table by himself facing the back of the cafe when she arrived, two cups of coffee waiting before him to be drank together placed delicately on the table. He had his head down, buried in a book, before she startled him with a hug from behind. Her cheek connected with his warm neck where she buried her head into him and she took in his dizzying cologne.

She felt him jump beneath her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing a dramatic and cheesy kiss to his cheek, feeling his light stubble prick her chapsticked lips. “My hero,” she joked, trying to bring at least a little humor to the man who had just about jumped out of his skin at her touch.

It felt like she was crossing a boundary, and she was pretty sure she was, but she just needed to thank him and a hug felt like the best way to do that while in a semi-crowded coffee shop. Also, playing up that they were madly in love didn’t hurt.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed, a hand flying over his chest in surprise to feel his racing heartbeat. “You scared the shit out of me.” Once he settled for a moment, his arm moved across his chest to rest on her arm. His touch was gentle and soft, holding her there gently like he didn’t want her to release him from her grasp. She tried not to think about it too much as she slipped her arms off of him, making her way to the seat that was clearly meant for her across from him.

“I’m sorry that I scared you. A little jumpy today?” she teasingly questioned.

“Hey, watch it,” he playfully threatened. “I believe you called me your hero about thirty seconds ago.”

“I guess I did,” she quipped over the mug she was bringing to her lips. It was sweet but not too sweet, with cream but not too much, and still piping hot; just the way she liked it. “I don’t think it’s too far off,” she smiled before turning back to the coffee. “Good coffee,” she mused. “Just the way I like it.”

“Good. I texted Jeff for your order,” he informed her, the gesture being so thoughtful and sweet she could have melted into a puddle right there and then. “And I think ‘hero’ might be a bit much,” he tacked on.

“Don’t be humble, Harry.” While her voice was still light and held a jesting tone, she meant her words. “You made the entire internet leave me alone, for the most part,” she clarified as there were definitely some nasty messages still floating around Twitter, “in five words.”

“It was the least I could do,” he said while shaking his head slightly, seeming to deflect her words.

“You could have done absolutely nothing.” She reached across the table and grabbed his hand in hers like they had staged at the cafe a few days earlier; but this time, it was an honest gesture, not one for a role they were both meant to be playing. Her words were serious, punctuating each with a gentle nod of her head. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” His eyes held the same truthfulness and honesty she hoped she was mirroring in her own. “I know all of this,” he paused and gestured between them with his free hand, “is for publicity, but I consider you a friend. It was hard to watch it all go down like that. You’re a good person and you didn’t deserve all that. I had to do something.”

There was a warmth that flooded her chest. He called me his friend, she thought to herself, fighting back a big toothy grin. She had been under the impression that all of this was just work for him, something he was doing just to drum up publicity, with no personal connections at all. But him calling her a friend meant so much to her. It meant she was not alone in all this terrifying and overwhelming attention.

“I’m glad you think of me as a friend,” she said, still holding back her smile. “You’re my friend too.” He matched her close-lipped smile that had fought its way onto her face at her words.

They sat in silence together for a few moments. Harry returned to his book and Y/N answered emails; but their hands stayed connected across the small table. This silence was very different from the silence on the day they first met. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence that sat on your tongue, begging you to break the quiet; it was peaceful and safe.

Their silence was broken when a young woman wearing a jittery smile and nervous eyes approached their table. Her voice squeaked out a mouse-like “Hi,” towards the both of them, bringing their eyes up to meet hers and instinctively breaking their hands away from each other.

“I’m so so sorry to be a bother,” she began, cheeks red and hot. “But I’m a really big fan of both of you and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t say hello.” She rambled excitedly, mostly looking at Harry, as she held her slightly shaky hands up to her chest.

“Hello,” Harry said with one of his million dollar smiles. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Emma,” she breathed.

“Well, it’s so nice to meet you Emma.” He spoke gently with her, clearly sensing her anxiety, extending his hand for her to shake. “Thank you for all of your support.”

Y/N watched closely as he spoke with her. He spoke to her like she was the only person in the room, giving her his whole undivided attention, and repeatedly thanking her as she flooded him with compliments about how his music and message of kindness meant so much to her. She was so entranced that she nearly didn’t hear her own name being said as the girl turned towards her.

“I love your music as well,” she grinned, clearly more comfortable after her short conversation with Harry. “And your jumpsuit is just incredible.” Her nervous giggle was contagious, Y/N releasing one as well at the compliment as her cheeks heated slightly. She was shocked she even knew any of her music, clearly being the less popular of the pair.  

“Thank you so much, Emma. It means a lot.”

Emma took a few quick selfies with the both of them (that would be everywhere within a few hours), said goodbye and went to leave the two, but not before she paid them one last compliment. “You two are really cute together. I’m rooting for you.”

Both of their cheeks warmed as they looked back at each other. They were quiet for a moment, unsure how to respond, before Harry turned his attention back to the girl with a coy smile. “I am too,” was all he said.

***

The next three weeks passed in a blur of tour rehearsals, fittings, and public meetings with Harry. And then all of a sudden, it was the night of the first show.

Y/N had never been so nervous in her entire life. She would be the first face seen by just over 19,000 people, tasked to warm up the crowd and prepare them for Harry, which was enough pressure. And then there was the chance that they all hated her guts.

She stood behind the curtain, listening to the loud and inpatient crowd as she paced back and forth. She white-knuckeld her guitar, trying to keep her violently shaking hands from being too visible to the crew around her. Her stomach swirled and her palms were clammy, constantly having to rub them on the pants of her icey blue jumpsuit. It fit her like a glove, the wide legged pants and slight shoulder pads, creating a perfect hourglass silhouette; the only thing she was confident in at the moment was how good she looked in it.

Her heart leapt out of her chest and she almost hit the ceiling when a small voice appeared over her shoulder, whispering “You’re going to do great,” in her ear. If her heart wasn’t about to give out before, it was now. She swung around to face him, almost hitting Harry with her guitar, letting out a small breath of relief when her eyes met his own. They always seemed to calm her down a bit.

“I’m kinda freaking out, H,” she anxiously babbled, using the nickname he had told her to call him. “This is the biggest crowd I’ve ever played in front of, and they probably all hate me because they think I’m dating you, and I have to make sure I do a good job so they start listening to my music; and I just…” she trailed off for a second, uncomfortably scratching the back of her neck, “I just can’t let you down.”

His face softened at her words, seeming to take pity on her. “Y/N,” he began, resting his hands on her shoulders and looking so deep into her eyes she felt like he could probably see her soul. “We picked you to open because people love your music and the way that you perform. You just have to go out there and do what you do best: sing your heart out and put on a good show. It’s only 25 minutes. I know you can do it.”

Every word that left his lips was laced with honesty and encouragement; just enough for Y/N to relax her furrowed brow and give her lip a break from her constant chewing. “I can do it,” she softly repeated back to him, still not breaking contact with his striking green eyes.

A stage manager passed by them, running to some other important task, but not before tapping her shoulder. “You’re on in 30 seconds,” he spoke, just as she heard the roar of the crowd begin, signalling the dimming of the lights in the arena.

“Go kick some ass,” he winked, stepping backwards from her and releasing her from his grasp. “I’ll be watching.”

Walking on stage, she wasn’t met with ‘boo’s that had plagued her nightmares, or mean looks from the audience, or rotten tomatoes thrown from the crowd.

They were screaming in excitement, screaming for her.

From the second she started playing, the crowd had her back; the ones that knew the words to her songs sang them along with her, and the ones that didn’t, happily danced to her voice. Before long, the smile she had forced onto her face was genuine, and her set passed by with ease. When her 25 minutes were up, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to get off the stage.

She took her final bow as the crowd roared, running off of the stage into the wings, looking for one person in particular. And when she found him, she threw herself into Harry’s open and waiting arms. “I told you that you were going to do great!” He spoke excitedly into her ear and he held her close to his body, his arms wrapped around her waist tight.

She liked the way it felt to be in his arms.

Pulling away from him, she saw the massive grin that he wore for her, noting how adorable his dimples were and how the excited look in his eyes made him look like a little kid. But there was more to his face than excitement, he looked proud.

“They were so nice to me, and they knew my songs, and they were screaming so loud for me, and it just went so well. I can’t believe it!” Her previous anxious chatter had become an exhilarated rambling and she felt on top of the world.

“I can,” he grinned, looking down at his watch quickly. “I have to go get changed.” If she wasn’t so amped up, she might have noticed the disappointment that flashed over his features. “Promise me you’ll watch the show?”

“Pinky swear?” She stuck up her little finger in the air.

“Pinky swear.” He kept their pinkies locked for a moment too long, then released her hand and ran backstage to get dressed.

She kept her promise and watched with excitement as the building shook when Harry took the stage.

She had never heard something quite so loud, sure her ears would be ringing when she snuggled into her bunk on the tour bus that night. Watching him perform was mesmerizing; he knew how to work a stage in every way and make every person in the arena feel like he was singing just for them. He was larger than life while performing and his little dances and mannerisms only got more pronounced the more comfortable he got on stage. He messed with Mitch, who she had only met a few hours ago (he was very nice), and constantly praised Sarah on the drums behind him, while he looked over to Adam and sent him smiles often.

Everyone in the building came for a show, and boy, did he give them one. It was amazing to watch. There was a reason she was a fan.

Bouncing off the stage, full of adrenaline and in a post-show high, he came to find her. It wasn’t hard, as she had never left her spot on the side of the stage, unable to rip her eyes away from the man before her.

“Oh my god, Harry! That was incredible!” she said with delighted amazement.

“I’m glad you liked it.” He was smiling down at her with a big toothy grin, a hand running through his sweaty hair and pushing it off his forehead. “They only get better from here.”

***

He was telling the truth. The shows only got crazier and more exciting as the tour went on, and so did their “relationship.”

About five shows in, Jeff had Harry given her his “H” ring to start wearing. Harry didn’t seem too phased by it all even though she thought it might be too much, saying “it’s like a friendship bracelet.” But it was too big for her fingers, not because she had small hands, but because Harry’s were absolutely massive. She wore it on a chain around her neck from then on and made sure to always be seen playing with it.

Fans took notice and loved it.

A little after that, Jeff sent them off to get matching manicures. Both had a melting rainbow of oranges, pinks, and browns on their fingertips, which looked amazing in the paparazzi photos of them walking around with their fingers intertwined.

The fans loved that too.

But when she “accidentally” posted a photo of Harry on her story, the entire world lost it’s shit. In the photo, he laid sprawled across a bed in only a white hotel robe that was creeping dangerously high up his thigh. He looked sleepy and slightly sweaty, in a post-fuck haze, and clothes that looked very similar to ones she had been seen wearing in public only days before were strewn across the floor. The caption read “I love getting to love you.”

The photo had strategically only been up for about 30 seconds, but by the time it was deleted thousands of people had seen it and screenshots had been taken. They quickly circulated the internet, creating a bit of scandal. But more than anything, people began to love the two of them together even more. Harry looked genuinely happy in the photo, and for most of his fans, that was all that mattered.  

They were creating a fairytale love story for an audience, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying her role. She quite liked being his “girlfriend.”

Harry and Y/N had a way of clicking as they grew closer–quite literally as they were crammed together on a tour bus most of the time. They seemed to be able to finish each other’s sentences and always beat the other to the punchline of a joke. The pair had begun to pick up on the other’s mannerisms and habits; Y/N always teasing that Harry was going to rub his nose off one day if he kept rubbing it while he was thinking and Harry always knowing when she got enough sleep by whether or not she had put on eyeliner that morning. They swapped playlists back and forth in their bunks as they tried to doze off and always grabbed a cup of coffee for whoever had decided to sleep in the next day, now knowing the other’s order by heart.

There was only one thing she didn’t know about him that she longed to discover: what his lips felt like against her own. She could never think too hard about it though, or she may just explode.

He had become a calming presence and was currently helping her keep her cool, even though she knew the pair of interviewers across the table were getting ready to grill the pair for every detail they could get. His hand had settled on top of her knee to quell it’s nervous bouncing, but remained after she had stopped, even though no one could see his touch under the table. She watched as his thumb ran itself back and forth along the leg of her flashy orange and yellow patterned overalls and she had a hard time pulling her gaze away when the radio host across the large table began to speak.

“So Harry,” the bald man began. “Fine Line has been one of the biggest albums of the year and I just have to say I love it. It’s truly incredible.” She listened as the man continued on to sing Harry’s praises, going on to list his grammy nominations, sold out world tour, and other accolades. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched his cheeks tinge pink with the praise. She knew anyone watching would pick up on her adoring look and people fawn over it, but she knew her gaze was nothing but truthful.

“Thank you very much,” he said shyly, shaking his head slightly as he spoke into the microphone suspended in front of his face. “You’re too kind.”

“Stop being humble,” she teased him, playfully tapping him on the arm. “All of his music is fantastic,” she said turning her attention back to the man across from them, “especially Fine Line.”

“And there’s Y/N, being the supportive girlfriend,” the man chuckled.

“I support him in everything he does,” she smiled back, not having to embellish the truth at all. “He is an amazing talent and I think Fine Line shows that.”

It wasn’t hard for her to gush about him. It was actually quite easy. She absolutely adored him, as an artist, a friend, and the focus of her affection. She felt an equal warmth in her cheeks as she watched his get even pinker with her compliments.

“That’s actually something we wanted to ask you about,” the blonde woman sitting next to him piped up, a mischievous glint in her eyes that sent nervous butterflies flying around Y/N’s stomach. “One of the songs on Fine Line, Cherry to be specific, actually features the voice of Harry’s ex, Camille. How does that make you feel as his new girl?”

Y/N did her best not to gag at the woman’s question, gritting her teeth as she plastered on a polite smile. “Well, I think Cherry is a really great song and her voice at the end adds a lot,” she spoke as smoothly as she could, refusing to let on that the question rattled her. Harry’s light squeeze on her knee signalled to her that she had answered the question well.

“It’s also been three years since the song was written,” Harry cut in. “Things are obviously a lot different now.” He connected their eyes for a second while he was leaning back into his seat, sending her a short smile, but she knew him well enough to know it was genuine.

“Oh, definitely,” the woman eagerly agreed. “You’re in a great new relationship with a beautiful girl on your arm.”

“Y/N,” he emphasized her name as the woman had referred to her as a possession of his for a second time, “and I are very happy. Thank you.” To an onlooker, he was calm. To her, he was visibly uncomfortable by her words.

Y/N began to notice a clear pattern as the interview went on. Harry was asked exclusively about his music and the tour, while Y/N only became relevant to their interviewers when they wanted to mention their relationship.

When the man asked Y/N if she felt uncomfortable playing to Harry’s mainly female fanbase every night that are “so obviously jealous of her,” something snapped inside of her, sending all her hours of media training out the window. “I’m not uncomfortable at all,” she said curtly. “His music is great and he puts on an awesome show. I don’t think the audience’s gender really has anything to do with the music.” She watched the man’s face fall before she decided to go on. “And I would like to think that at least a few of them are there for me too. You do know I make music too, right?”

An indignant smirk found its way to her lips as the man stammered out, “yes, of course.”

“Okay. I was just wondering since you have only asked me questions about our relationship since we got here.”

She knew Jeff wouldn’t be happy, but at the moment, she couldn’t care less. They may not have really been dating, but the interviewers didn’t know that. All of their dismissal of her and her career was 100% real.

She had been so worked up that she didn’t even realize Harry’s hand had left her knee until it found its way to rest on her back. She leaned into his touch as he rubbed her back softly while she crossed her arms in front of her.

The interviewers looked at the two of them across the table, jaws both lying on the floor. It was quiet until Harry nonchalantly spoke. “She has a point.”

The last few minutes of the interview passed in an awkward blur that felt suffocating. She felt like she could finally take in a deep breath once they were in the back of a massive SUV being driven away from the studio.

“Jeff is going to have my head,” she mumbled under her breath, nose stuck into her phone as she scrolled Twitter to see what people were saying about her outburst. But before she could read any opinions, Harry's tattooed arm blocked her view as he gently pushed her phone down onto her lap.

“Look at me,” he murmured, beckoning her attention to the other side of the back seat. When she connected her eyes with his, his usual calming aura took over her, softening the stressed crease between her brows. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Harry, I just blew my career up into smoke because I couldn’t deal with a rude interviewer,” she huffed at him.

“No,” he disagreed softly, moving the hand that rested on her arms to interlock his fingers with one of hers. “You stuck up for yourself to people who were ignoring your work and whittling you down to your relationship.”

“But it was rude.”

“It was necessary.”

The car ride to the venue for that night’s concert was quiet, but Harry never let go of her hand, brushing his thumb over her knuckles in a comforting touch. She wasn’t sure if she ever wanted him to let go.

***

It was the early hours of the morning by the time the pair returned to their tour bus and went to crawl into their bunks.

Her performance had gone well and Harry was mesmerizing (as always). He was truly hypnotizing to watch while he performed and she hadn’t missed watching him yet, even as they drew close to the end of the tour. It was the best part of her day and she would miss it dearly after the last show.

She was almost asleep, curtain drawn and cuddled under a pile of blankets, when her cell began to ring. Her heart sank, knowing only one person who would know when she had a sliver of free time (even though it’s debatable if sleeping counts as free time). She was going to get scolded like she was a little kid in the principal's office and she knew it.

“Hi Jeff,” she answered with a sigh as she pulled the curtain back and slid from the bunk, the cold air of the tour bus nipping at her legs.

Her gaze was met by a snuggled up Harry wearing a concerned face across from her in his own bed. He never closed the curtain, not even when she asked politely to muffle his snores, always saying something about how it made him claustrophobic. He sent her a tired smile and mouthed “good luck,” extending a hand for a fist bump as she passed. Knocking their knuckles together put a brief smile on her face before she buckled in for the chewing out she was about to get.

Harry watched her intently as she paced up and down the front of the tour bus as she spoke to Jeff, too far away for him to listen in. Her face gradually turned from anxious, to surprised, to something that would have probably been happiness if she wasn’t so tired.

“Alright, thank you for everything.” She spoke softly when she finally returned to be within earshot for him. “Goodnight Jeff.”

“So?” he murmured groggily at her, brows raised in question at her.

“People loved it,” she said shocked, like she didn’t fully believe it herself. “They think I’m some kind of badass for shutting down a sexist. Which is, like, a lot,” she spoke with a disbelieving chuckle, unable to find the right words in her groggy state. “I don’t really know what to make of it.”

Harry seemed to spring up from his spot in his bed, smacking his head on the top of the bunk in the process, prompting them both to dissolve into a puddle of giggles.

“Don’t get too excited for me,” she laughed. “I cannot be the reason that you hurt yourself and have to cancel a show.”

“I was just too excited to say ‘I told you so,’” he smirked, now rubbing the side of his head through his curls.

“Cocky bastard,” she sarcastically murmured under her breath while dramatically rolling her eyes.

She watched with confusion as Harry left his bed, and after a short and frantic search for his pajama pants so he wouldn’t “offend her eyes,” he moved towards the front of the bus. Her eyes trailed him as he bent down to the small mini fridge and pulled out two beers.

“We have to celebrate.”

It was 2 AM and she had been so ready for bed after a long day. But she knew she could never say no to him. She thanked god that they had a day off tomorrow.

After retrieving her massive and lovingly worn Grateful Dead sweatshirt to protect her from the chilly air, she nearly ran to the front of the bus. His painted pink fingers moved with skill as he popped the bottle caps off with one of his rings, handing it to her and gently nudging his bottle against hers.

“Cheers,” he murmured softly as he looked down at her with a kindhearted smile.

“Cheers,” she seemed to whisper back to him, a flutter in her stomach reminding her how badly she wanted to reach out and connect her lips to his. Instead she slid into the small booth across from him, taking a long sip from the bottle as she watched him do the same.

“I want you to know that I was really proud of you today,” he said as he put his beer down on the table. “Rude interviewers are never easy and you handled it like a champ.”

“Thank you, H,” she nodded, suddenly bashful and unable to make eye contact with him. Her cheeks burned hot as she put all her focus into tracing the rim of the bottle with her finger tip.

“Hey,” he called for her attention and her eyes snapped up to meet his. “I mean it, Y/N.”

“I know you do,” she gently nodded at him. “I’m just really happy they didn’t ask about my ex,” she chuckled as she took another sip. “That would have gone very poorly.”

“Oh yeah, I was a little annoyed they brought up my ex but not yours,” he teased. “Not fair if you ask me.”

“Well, then I’m glad no one asked you.”

“Can I ask you?”

“What?”

“About your ex.”

She should have been prepared to talk about it with Harry at some point. Half of this plan had been devised to get back at James anyway. She should be able to talk about it by now, especially with someone she had grown so close to.

“I guess so,” she shrugged, trying to seem casual like the mere mention of him didn’t still hurt her heart a little bit. “What do you want to know?”

“As much as you’re willing to tell me.”

He looked soft like this, eyes slightly sleepy with a tenderness in them as he looked back at her. His hair was unruly and puffy and he was wrapped in the powder blue blanket that lived on the tour bus’ couch. She would have told him anything that he ever wanted to hear if he kept looking like this.

With a deep breath, she began to recount everything that went down.

“I met James while I was still working as a waitress. I recognized him from his movies and started a conversation, and then–to my surprise–he asked me out on a date. I had been in LA for three weeks and this insanely famous actor is asking me to go out with him, so I obviously said yes.” She paused to take a swig of her beer, before mumbling under her breath, “I should have said ‘fuck no’ to that.”

A smile ghosted over her lips as she listened to Harry’s laugh across the table. She swore that laugh could cure cancer.

“But I didn’t,” she continued. “He introduced me to the right people and helped me make the right connections in the industry, which I guess made me feel indebted to him. Does that make sense?”

“Of course,” Harry nodded, eyebrows furrowed and listening intently.

“I should have broken up with him after I signed with Jeff and the label, however awful that sounds. But he just always knew the right things to say to make me feel special and like I was the most important person in the world. Even after I found out he was talking to other girls, he was somehow able to talk himself out of it.” She shook her head as she recalled it. “You wanna hear something fucked up?”

“Always,” he said with a gentle smirk.

“He proposed to me using lines from a romcom he was working on.”

Harry nearly spit out his drink. “Holy shit, you’re kidding!”

“I wish. I didn’t find out until I went with him to the premier a few months later and the proposal scene sounded surprisingly familiar.”

“What a dirtbag.”

“I know, right?” she laughed. “Then a few weeks after that, he got papped with his tongue down another girl’s throat. That finally knocked some sense into me and I ran for the hills.”

“Fuck,” he sighed as he finished his beer. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she breathed. “I don’t even feel hurt by him anymore, ya know? I just feel angry at myself for trusting him.”

“I understand but it’s not your fault he was a piece of shit,” he said as he rose from his seat and traveled to the mini fridge once again. “Another?” he asked, holding the bottle up about his head.

“Fuck it,” she shrugged. “Sure.”

She watched him skillfully pop off the tops again using just his rings, making a mental note to make him teach her how he did that, before he flopped back down in his seat.  

“At the risk of sounding like a Facebook mom, ‘you grow through what you go through,’” she chuckled, taking another long sip as she finished her first. He matched her high pitched giggle across the table and she nearly drooled beer down her front from smiling so wide.

“Amen, sister,” he agreed, raising his beer in the air.

“Oh, that was awful.” She shook her head as she descended into giggles. “Please never say that again.”

“Noted.”

“Anyway,” she began again after another sip of her drink, “I was well prepared to get my heartbroken by untrustworthy men after you, Styles.”

“I’m offended–tell me more,” he spoke quickly, his signature narcissistic smirk settling onto his features.

“I need you to know that Zayn leaving was my first real heartbreak.”

“Were the rest of us chopped liver?”

“You weren’t Zayn, I can tell you that.”

“Ouch!” He let out a loud belly laugh.

“Put yourself in my shoes for a minute, H. So first, the hottest-”

“Rude-”

“-I’m speaking. So the hottest one leaves, and then the rest of you are all like ‘we’ll be back in 18 months,’” she mocked him in a high pitched impersonation with a wave, “and then 6 months later you all mysteriously have solo careers.”

“I do not see you complaining about my solo career now, ya fame leetch.” He spoke with such humor and charisma, she couldn’t have even wished to be offended by his joke.

“Absolutely not, sir,” she said sternly, giving him a dramatic salute. “Deepest apologies from the fame leetch.” The two collapsed into giggles, laughing until their sides began to ache.

“Wait, I have a question for mega superstar Mr. Harry Styles of former One Direction fame,” she announced.

“I believe that’s me,” he bowed his head and raised his hand into the hair. “Shoot.”

She barely could get the question out, laughing too hard at her own joke. “Is Taylor Swift a good kisser?”

“Oh god,” he exasperatedly threw his hands in the air, chuckling while rolling his eyes dramatically before grinning wide as he thought over his answer. “I don’t kiss and tell,” he finally smirked.

“Wait, I have another!”

“Watch it, smart ass.”

“You think I’m smart?” she teased as she feigned flattery. “Have you ever heard of a song called ‘English Love Affair?’” He narrowed his eyes at her, a knowing smirk crossing his lips as he shook his head at her. “Also, when do I get to meet Gemma?”

“I’ll consider it when you stop bringing up her sex life, perv.”

“We’ve been dating for a few months now,” she teased as she continued to prod, emboldened by the liquid courage running through her veins as she was now half way through her next beer. “I think I should be allowed to meet the family soon. They seem delightful.”

“They would love how you have decided to rip into me like this,” he said with a cheeky smile, dimples on full display.

“Rockstars have to get knocked down a peg every once in a while.” She sarcastically shrugged. “Consider it a favor.”

She couldn’t help but think about how right this felt. Their back and forth flowed so smoothly, the banter falling from their lips without effort. Their laughter joined together in a delightful melody and she imagined they could go on this way all night.

Spending any amount of time with him made her so fucking happy; and time spent teasing each other over beers caused her to nearly explode with joy. How much she was enjoying herself was too hard to put into words.

He was safe and he was kind and he made her laugh no matter how bad his jokes were.

He was her best friend.

And for the first time, she was willing to admit that she was in love with him.

“Harry,” she hummed softly as their laughter died down to a comfortable silence. “Thank you for everything. You’ve changed my life forever and I can never repay you.”

“Just remember me when you get famous.”

“Oh shut up, I’m being serious,” she playfully scolded before letting her tone drop back into honesty. “You’re a very good person and I’m eternally grateful for you letting me be your opening act and then agreeing to this whole relationship charade.”

“I didn’t ‘let’ you be anything, Y/N. I picked you myself.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I listened to your album when it came out and fell in love with it,” he shrugged, his casual tone contradicting the surprised raise of her pulse. “When I found out Jeff also managed you, I knew I had to have you on the tour.”

Y/N was honestly stunned. She had always assumed that the tour was Jeff’s doing, a careful arrangement pairing Full Stop’s new up-and-comer with their most famous and established talent. Being offered the tour had been the biggest opportunity and honor she had ever been presented with; but she had never considered Harry himself being behind it.

“Oh,” was all she could manage to get out.

It was now his turn to be confused. “What’s so surprising about that?” he asked, reading the shock on her face like she was an open book.

“I just,” she stammered, trying to find the words in her slightly hazy state. “I never would have thought you knew who I was or listened to my music.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” she trailed off. “You’re you, and I’m just... me, I guess.”

He didn’t respond right away, just looking at her intently and slightly amused, sea glass eyes boring into her with a pink lip held between his teeth.

He scanned her frame, from the way her hair sat messily on top of her head and the way the massive sweatshirt swallowed her body enough to where she had pulled her knees up to her chest underneath it. Her shoulders were slumped slightly, making her appear smaller as she held her legs close to her torso and her eyebrows were knitted together in worry, slightly nervous under his intense gaze.

She downed the rest of her beer in an attempt to forget his intense attention. It didn’t work.

“You really don’t know how incredible you are, do you?” he finally asked, the corner of his lips twitching into a small smile.

She felt her whole body burn with his compliment, wanting to shrink into herself and disappear completely from his view. She finally shook her head slightly in an attempt to deflect his words, breathing his name under her breath as if to scold him for being too kind.

“You are,” he insisted, ignoring her objection. “You’re so talented and your music deserves all the attention that it gets. I am honored that I get to play a part in helping expose the world to you and what you have to offer.”

“Thank you.” Her words came out as a whisper.

“You’re welcome, love.”

His pet name made her stomach turn in a nervous excitement and a wide grin involuntarily came to her lips.

“I like it when I make you smile like that.” His words only made her beam further. “You look very pretty when you smile.”

“Stop it,” she said softly, cheeks burning hot and having a hard time making eye contact with him.

“Stop what?” He feigned innocence as he lightly teased her, smirk still prominent on his features.

“Are you flirting with me, Styles?”

“Just practicing.”

His words rang through her mind long after they had left the table and crawled back into their bunks for the night. She wished she could see inside his head to understand whatever thoughts were running around his brain.

But for now she could just peak at him through the gap she had purposely left in her curtain, wondering if she ever popped into his dreams as he slept.

He was always in hers.

***

There was a sadness mixed in with her usually thrilled mood as she took the stage for the last show of the tour. While there was an element of relief as she looked forward to some well needed rest, the adrenaline and joy of being in front of a crowd was something that she would miss dearly. She had grown into a real performer over the last two months as they zig-zagged across the US and this period of time would have a special place in her heart long after it had ended.

But there was another reason why she was so sad to see this chapter come to an end. As far as she knew, a staged breakup was not far away and the thought of being without Harry was heartbreaking. He had become her person and soon their feux falling out would be on the front page of every magazine. She wanted nothing more in the world than for their relationship to be real, but it would be forced to end before it had even truely started.

She got choked up as she sang her final song that night, letting a few tears escape as she took in the thousands of people singing her lyrics back to her, flashlights swaying in the air to the beat of the music. Taking a move from Harry’s own playbook, she took her mic and directed it to the crowd to sing as she cried. The vibrations of the drums and bass behind her nestled it’s way into her bones and the chorus of singing voices in the crowd surrounded her in a bittersweet melody.

The past two months she had been on top of the world, and as soon as this song finished, it was the beginning of the end.

She took her final bow, watching as the small tears fell forward onto the dusty stage below her. She waved and blew kisses to the crowd, then nearly ran off the stage looking for the only person she wanted to see.

Harry was right where he always was, just out of view behind the curtain, holding his arms out for her to fall into.

“Awe, babe,” he hummed sympathetically when she settled her head onto his chest, surely ruining his crisp white t-shirt with her now wet makeup. “It’s okay. Final shows are always tough.” He rubbed her back gently, in a soothing rhythm.

He smelled so good. He smelled like home.

She tilted her head up to connect her glassy eyes with his. “I just don’t want this all to end.” She knew she wasn’t just talking about the tour.

“Neither do I,” he said as his lips curved into a devilish smirk that sent her heart into palpitations. “That’s why I have one last surprise for you.”

“Oh, Harry,” she sighed while wiping the remaining tears off her cheeks. “What have you done?”

“You said you liked surprises!” he defended.

“Not surprises in front of 20,000 people!”

“I promise you’re going to love this one, okay?” His voice was softer now, encouraging and supportive. “You’re going to come out and sing an extra song with me during my set,” he revealed.

“Sing what?”

“That’s the surprise.”

“Do I even know the words?”

“You definitely know the words,” he chuckled.

“I just finished sobbing. I can’t go out there like this.”

“You can fix your makeup. I believe in you.”

“What am I going to wear?” she asked, grasping at straws at this point, doing anything she could to get out of this.

“I had Lambert put something together for you.”

“Of course you did.”

She peppered him with a few more questions, but he had a smooth and charming answer to every single one. He had thought every detail out, and as always, she couldn’t say no to him.

“Fine,” she finally exasperatedly agreed, immediately met with his excited and dimpled smile that she had fallen head over heels for.

“Perfect,” he breathed. “I have to go get ready and so do you. I already put everything you need in your dressing room, okay?” She nodded, still biting her lip anxiously. He held her by her shoulders, lowering his head to match their eye level as he leaned in close, before he spoke. “You’re going to have fun. I promise.”

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

Seconds after they locked their little fingers together, he pressed a quick and protective kiss to her forehead that set her whole body ablaze before running off in the direction of his dressing room. She remained stunned and frozen in her spot for a few moments trying to process what it felt like to have his lips on her for the first time since that very first day they had met.

There was no audience to perform it for or an act to keep up behind the curtain. He kissed her because he wanted to.

She was finally snapped out of her daze when a stagehand bumped into her by accident, prompting her to begin the short walk back to her dressing room. But the ghost of his lips remained on her forehead, an incessant tingle placed there by his touch.

The dress she found waiting for her was one of the most beautiful gowns she had ever set her eyes on. Made of a light purple chiffon, the wrap dress’ long sleeves and floor length skirt flowed freely. A belt cinched the wispy fabric close to her waist and a deep-v exposed her neck and chest. But the most dazzling part of the dress were the red sequined hearts that dotted the fabric and reflected the light of the dressing room like a million little mirrors.

Slipping into it, the light fabric was soft against her skin, opaque enough but still slightly sheer to let light through and show off her legs and the bright red shiny pumps Lambert had left for her. She felt the most beautiful she had ever felt in this dress, boosting her confidence and quelling her nerves about whatever the hell Harry was planning.

“One minute to curtain,” was announced in an ominous voice over the arena’s backstage speakers as she finished fixing her makeup and she all but ran to make it back to the stage in time. She only had one more chance to watch him perform and she refused to miss a second of it.

Harry dazzled as the lights focused in on him, his deep blue and fully sequined suit reflecting the light and turning him into a human disco ball. He stood close to the edge of the stage as the beginning notes of the first song began being played by the band, but he made no move towards his mic stand to sing. His eyes were closed and his arms were outstretched to the audience, taking in every scream, every tear, and the thunderous shake of the building; but also giving himself to them.

Then the show began. As usual, he was electric, but tonight was like he had turned himself up to eleven. Every note he sang was full of his heart and every dance move was done with his entire body, even his bad jokes seemed funnier tonight.

She was so mesmerized she almost forgot about his ‘surprise.’ Almost.

“Since tonight is unfortunately our last show,” he pouted. “I thought I would do something special,” he spoke to the crowd as they roared, but quickly connected his eyes with her’s in the wings. By the smirk plastered on his face, she knew she was in for it.

“I recently found out that someone very close to me was a very big fan of…” he trailed off as he dramatically pretended to search for the right words, “my previous work.” He finished with a smirk and his words prompted the loudest reaction since he had been on stage.

“Now, I told her that she would be coming on stage to join me tonight, but I didn’t exactly tell her what we would be singing and I haven’t performed this song in a very long time, so cut us some slack if we mess up. This is very unrehearsed.” He kept sneaking glances back to her, as her eyes grew wider at the stunt he was currently pulling. “But I know for a fact that she knows all the words. I listen to her sing them in the shower quite often.” He wore a cheeky dimpled grin as he looked back at her once again.

The building was shaking due to the suspense he was creating, and looking down at her hands, she realized she was to. She gripped hard onto the mic a stagehand had just shoved at her, pleading with her hands to stop their tremors.

“Now, I would love it if you could all give another warm welcome to one of my favorite people on the planet, Y/N Y/L/N!” He turned his body to her for a final time, extending his hand out for her to take. Her legs felt like jello as she walked out into the bright lights towards him, interlocking her fingers with his as a way to keep her on her feet.

The audience’s screams were deafening at seeing the two of them together and she thanked god she had her earpieces in to protect her ear drums or they would have surely burst. She could only imagine the articles that would be written about this and the thousands of tweets that were probably already being sent.

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” she mouthed at him threateningly, but she couldn’t even get through the sentence before his dazzling smile began to quell her anxiety.

“The look on your face is 100% worth getting my ass kicked,” he answered smoothly before turning his attention back to the audience. “Everyone, sing along if you know the words,” he commanded their attention. “This is Ready to Run.”

Her jaw dropped and the crowd roared as the band behind her began to play the first few chords of the song she loved and knew so well. She had admitted it a few days ago that it was one of her favorites of his ‘previous work,’ but apparently he already knew that from the few showers she had taken on the tour bus.

“There’s a lightning in your eyes I can’t deny,” he began by himself, her brain still too shocked to jump in yet. He sang the first few lines to her with a giant grin plastered on his face, hand still holding tight to hers. His eyes had a playful glint in them that seemed to say ‘just have fun.’

“There’s a devil in your smile, it’s chasing me,” she finally began to sing, Harry fading his voice out so she could take the next few lines by herself as he admired her.

He did have a devilish smile, but it was one she loved with her entire heart. As she began to sing, she felt her muscles begin to relax into the song she had sung to herself so many times before, letting her body begin to bounce to the growing rhythm as her dress flowed around her.

The stage vibrated as Sarah beat her drums to introduce the chorus. “This time I’m ready to run, escape from the city and follow the sun,” the pair sang together, eyes still locked as their voices combined into the most perfect tune. “Cause I wanna be yours, don’t you wanna be mine?” they continued the lyrics. She felt herself meaning the words leaving her mouth more and more as they went on. She did want to be his, she couldn’t deny that. “I don’t wanna get lost in the dark of the night.”

Her apprehensiveness eased further as the music picked up and the hook went on, finally allowing herself to have a bit of fun. “Wherever you are is the place I belong,” they insisted towards each other, leaning in close before Harry grabbed her hand to dramatically spin her, the beautiful shining fabric of her dress splaying out around her. The next line was mumbled through giggles by both of them, but their laughter only added to the perfect moment they were having.

They danced across the stage together like there weren’t 20,ooo pairs of eyes watching them, both singing their hearts out to each other. It began to feel like they weren’t even there. It was just Y/N and Harry, serenading each other to one of her favorite songs.

“There’s a future in my eyes I can’t foresee,” she sang to him to start the second verse.

“Unless, of course, I stay on course and keep you next to me.” Harry grabbed her by her waist and pulled her into his side as he sang the words, prompting more giggles from her. She loved the way he smiled so wide as he sang, never breaking his eye contact with her and emitting pure joy. His eyes looked honest as he sang, like he meant every word just as much as she did.

The pair made their way through the rest of the verse and second chorus, flawlessly moving around the stage like they owned it. Y/N selfishly decided to let him have the bridge all to himself, needing to hear the way his beautiful voice hit the high notes. “This time I’m ready to run,” he sang passionately, executing the downward moving riff perfectly. “I’d give everything that I got for your love,” he pointed across the stage towards her, beckoning her back close to him. She quickly skipped to him at his request.

Like she had blinked, the song was already nearing its end.

“Cause I wanna be free and I wanna be young, I’ll never look back now I’m ready to run,” they belted the last lines out to each other. The band fell quiet on their last chord and the crowd exploded, but their noise fell on deaf ears as the pair stood so close their heaving chests were almost pressed up against each other. His eyes stared down into hers and she watched as his eyes flickered quickly down to her lips.

The world ceased to exist when he pressed his mouth to hers, even if it only lasted a second. It was nothing more than a peck, but it was everything to her. Her body igniting with heat and eyes full of shock, she looked back at him in simultaneous confusion and adoration, before realizing they had been staring at each other for too long. She needed to get off the stage so he could continue with his show. She walked back slowly towards the wings, letting the hand he had still been holding fall to her side. She waved and smiled to the crowd the best she could in her clouded mind.

“Thank you everyone!” she shouted into her mic as she moved out of their view. She shoved her mic into the first set of hands that would take it as she wobbled her way over to a table with water bottles. She nearly choked as she tried to suck one down, hoping it would ease the dizzy feeling he had created with his lips. Her lips burned just as her forehead had earlier in the night.

He had kissed her. He had sang a love song with her and then he had kissed her. She couldn’t decipher if that kiss was a confirmation that he shared the same feelings for her or if it was just another act for the cameras. But his mouth felt so right against hers. They fit together like a pair of puzzle pieces. She tried to suppress the optimistic hope that rose in her chest, but it began to swallow her whole.

When she heard his next song begin, she made her way back to the spot that had become hers at the side of the stage. She watched him perform the rest of the show in a loving haze, doe eyed and hypnotized, lips still buzzing from his contact.

He gave it his all. By the last song he was out of breath, drenched in sweat, and looked like he was about to pass out at any second. The crowd applauded for minutes after he left the stage and they were still cheering when she finally caught sight of him again. His curls were stuck to his forehead and his skin was shiny and flushed. He was panting, still trying to recover from his workout of a finale show; but he was beaming. His smile seemed to turn him into a beacon, emitting a light and positive energy that drew everyone backstage towards him.

She was so transfixed on Harry as he thanked the crew and accepted congratulations from all around that she just about jumped out of her skin when Jeff slinked up behind her and whispered ‘boo’ in her ear.

“What the fuck, Jeff,” she chuckled as she caught her breath, resting her hand on her chest and feeling her racing heartbeat.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on being half of the best fake couple out there,” he teased. “That kiss was perfect. People are losing their minds over it.”

“Oh,” she said softly, feeling every emotion she was distracted from while watching Harry rush back into her. Her heart sank as she remembered all the questions that continued to haunt her since she got off stage. “Thanks,” she murmured, plastering a smile onto her face. “I’m glad we could make you proud.”

“If you two could convince me, you can convince anyone.” Jeff walked off moments later, leaving her to sit in her confused thoughts as he disappeared into the hoards of bodies waiting for their minute with Harry.

She knew that she didn’t ‘convince’ Jeff of anything on her part. Everything she did with Harry was authentic and truthful. Including the thrilled grin that appeared on her face when she finally made eye contact with the exhausted man across the room. She gave him a shy wave that he sheepishly returned, biting back a shy smile. He pointed in the direction of his dressing room and mouthed “meet me in 15.”

She could never say no to him.

Fifteen minutes later, she was knocking on the large wooden door that had a single piece of paper that read STYLES haphazardly taped onto it. When it finally flew open, she was met by a soaking wet Harry with a towel hanging dangerously low on his hips. Her eyes trailed down his body without permission, taking in the toned torso that was decorated with his beautiful tattoos. Her eyes hovered over the two ferns that sat on his pelvis, too fascinated with the dark ink to pull her eyes away just yet.

She had obviously seen him in various states of undress before. They lived together on a tour bus without much space to exist with privacy, but this was different. He wasn’t rushing to get dressed or quickly changing his outfit. And he wasn’t moving away from her gaze at all.

If she hadn’t been so entranced by him, she would have noticed he was looking her up and down in the exact same manner.

She had changed since she had seen him last. The skin-tight black velvet romper she had brought along for the afterparty now fit her snuggly and held her every curve. The dark fabric was tight and appeared almost painted on, a rainbow racing stripe making its way down either side of her chest. The short shorts of the outfit exposed nearly all of her legs and the deep neckline put much of her chest on display as well. It’s long sleeves were her favorite part, as a strip of fringe dangled from below her arms any time she moved.

“You look great,” Harry finally choked out, his voice pulling their eyes back up to the other’s face.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, slightly awkwardly. “You too.”

“Well, I’m hopefully not going to the after party dressed like this,” he chuckled before stepping aside and ushering her into the room.

His dressing room was much larger than hers and she settled herself on the brown leather couch in the corner as she waited for him to get ready, sneaking glances up from her phone often. She chuckled as she watched him spend far too long fussing with his curls in the mirror, but was quickly distracted by the way his back and arms flexed when he reached up to muse his hair. Once he was satisfied with the way it fell, he disappeared into the bathroom at the back of the room. When he emerged, he was finally dressed, allowing her to take a deep breath and to focus on something other than his bare skin for the first time since he had opened the door.

The black satin suit was simple for him, but the tight white tank top that sat underneath hugged every muscle in his torso. She knew as soon as he got in the hot club, he would lose the jacket, and she would be devastatingly distracted once again.

The narcissist took one final look at himself in the mirror before turning to her and extending a hand. “Ready, darling?”

“You just spent 15 minutes exclusively on your hair and you’re asking me if I’m ready?” she teased as she took his hand, weaving her fingers between his as they exited the room together.

He leaned down close to her ear as they walked down the now mostly empty hallway, lips brushing over the hollow of her ear as he spoke. “I could have done it faster, but you were so obviously enjoying the show.”

“Relax yourself, Magic Mike,” she muttered indignantly, but hung her head in a way she hoped he couldn’t see how flustered he made her. Was she really that obvious?

They walked hand in hand out to the parking garage, now caught in a back and forth about whether or not Harry could be a male stripper. He said yes. She said no, although she did admit at one point that he worked his mic stand like a pole.

“Hey Jeff,” he called when they finally reached the parking garage where Jeff and Glenne had been waiting for them to head to the club. “Do you think I could be a stripper?”

“I think people would pay a lot to see it, but they may be disappointed in your dancing skills.”

“Come on,” he playfully whined. “I have some moves.”

“You have one move,” Y/N cut in with a chuckle, “and it’s the wiggle.” She brought her hands up near her chest, tilted her head back while dramatically biting her lip, and swayed her arms by her sides, earning a chorus of laughter from the people around her.

She hadn’t even realized she had done the move without releasing Harry’s hand first, dragging his arm into her dance as well, until their manager commented on it. “You know, you two don’t have to be holding hands all the time and keeping the show up back here,” he said with a slightly suspicious quirk in his eyebrows.

Her smile had been in the process of fading, like they had been caught doing something wrong, before Harry answered smoothly. “We know. Just practicing.”

There were those words again. Just practicing, she thought over to herself. But was he practicing anymore? How many flirty comments, heartfelt compliments, and warm touches did it take to cross the line of practicing to the real thing?

She wasn’t sure about Harry, but she knew that she wasn’t just practicing anymore.

She knew that the way they sat nearly on top of each other in the large SUV on the way to the club felt more than friendly. And the way he hadn’t stopped touching her in some way since they left his dressing room insinuated far more than something with business-like intentions. And the way he looked at her everytime he caught her eye the entire way to the club, always with a bright smile and adoring gaze that she always returned, pulled at her heartstrings far more than they should have if this was all an act.

A sloppy and cheeky grin settled almost permanently on his features after he had a few drinks in him, his arms moving in a lazy and fluid manner as she took in his many tattoos that he had exposed when he ditched his jacket (just like she knew he would). His butterfly was visible through the tight ribbed fabric of the white tank top and the little birds that peaked out from underneath seemed to be inviting her even closer to him in her now inebriated state.

All she wanted to do was to connect her lips with his as she watched him make conversation with someone from his management, entranced by the way his perfect mouth moved as he spoke. She once again craved the shocks of electricity that were created between them at the contact and could not stop thinking about it no matter how hard she tried. The protective hand that had settled onto her hip and continued to hold her close to his body just wasn’t enough anymore.

The pair had been drinking far too much; martinis turning into vodka sodas that had turned into straight tequila shots. She believed it was tequila shot four that did her in. The last thing she remembered was licking the line of salt off the back of her hand, downing the shot, and being entranced by Harry’s eyes as she bit down on the slice of lime he held carefully with his jeweled fingers.  

***

The next morning, Y/N woke up in a hotel room that she didn’t recognize with a pounding headache and a swirling gut. It felt like she had been hit with a truck and she could barely pick her head up off the pillow.

She had so many questions about what had happened the night before. Where was she? Who let her drink that much? Whose clothes was she wearing? But most of all, what the hell happened after that fourth shot?

But she realized the worst was yet to come when she heard soft snoring coming from beside her. She knew that snoring well. It was the snoring that kept her up half the night for the last two months and the one that had almost driven her to suffocating her bus-mate in his sleep; the snoring that matched the crumbled black suit she just noticed in a ball on the floor.

It took every ounce of strength in her body to pull herself from the pillow and turn around in the bed to have her suspicions confirmed.

There he was.

His dark long eyelashes were fluttered down across the tops of his cheeks and his hair was going in every direction, skin clammy like his body was trying to rid itself of all the poison he had ingested the night before. The crumpled comforter was pushed down his stomach, his bare skin holding a sheen that helped define every dip or curve of his muscles and the tiniest bit of the band of his boxers peaked out to assure her that he at least wasn’t fully naked next to her.

Why were they in bed together? And why did he look so good? Oh my god, she thought as a possibility dawned on her. Did we sleep together?

“Harry,” she murmured softer than she intended, voice scratchy and mouth dry. The soreness at the back of her throat clued her into the copious amounts of screaming she must have done last night. He didn’t stir at her gentle coaxing, the light streaming through the windows making him look angelic as it covered him in a blanket of soft light while he continued to sleep.

It was a hard nudge to his chest that finally made him open his eyes, immediately releasing a groan she was sure she made when she regained consciousness too. He looked at her puzzled, still rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he propped himself up on his elbows. He took an equally confused look around the hotel room before looking back at her. She watched as the gears slowly turned in his head until his eyes opened wide and he spring up into a sitting position to mirror hers.

“We didn’t,” he whispered hopefully. “Oh my god, did we?” he asked, a look of horror crossing his face that matched her own.

“I have no idea,” she anxiously replied. “I was hoping you would know!”

“You don’t remember anything?”

“The last thing I remember was doing tequila shots with you.”

“I remember those.” He rubbed his eyes hard like it would somehow jog his memory. His eyebrows knit together, buried in thought as he searched his brain for a timeline. “I can follow the night up until we did karaoke.”

“We did karaoke?” she repeated incredulously and was met with a somber nod. “Do I even want to know what we sang?”

He shook his head slowly, shame clear on his face, before he finally mumbled. “We did ‘It’s Raining Men.’”

“Oh my god, no,” she whined, holding her head in her hands and rubbing her temples. There were surely videos of them sloppily singing on top of a bar circulating online and she wasn’t sure how Jeff would be able to spin that one in a positive light.

“Where’s your phone?” he asked, a hopeful glint in his eye as he reached for his own. “Maybe there’s something on there that can clue us in.” It took her a moment but she finally spotted it on the ground in the corner of the room. She said a silent prayer that it wasn’t dead or broken.

Forcing her heavy limbs out from under the covers she made her way towards the device, but not before she heard a confused sound coming from Harry. “How did you get my clothes?”

Looking down at herself and taking in the red lettering that read But Daddy I Love Him across her chest, it clicked that the t-shirt and baggy basketball shorts were his. But how they hell did she get into them?

“I think we’ve established at this point that I don’t know anything that happened after about midnight, Harry.” Her words came out laced with slight frustration. She hoped he knew she wasn’t annoyed with him, just their situation.

“Just a question, princess.”

She ignored his quip and began to search through her texts, call history, and photos, hoping to find anything at all that could help trace their steps through the night. She found nothing but a few selfies of them still at the club. One was the pair casually smiling, the next was one of him kissing her on the cheek that made her skin warm, but the final one made her snort out a laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“I have a picture on my phone of you with two martini olives shoved up your nose,” she spoke through hysterical laughter. “Definitely birthday post material if you ask me.”

“Let me see,” he demanded with an adorable scowl.

She passed her phone over to him, still letting a few chuckles fall past her lips. “I’m gonna change your name in my phone to ‘Olive Nose Styles.”

“You're cruel.”

“You’re the one that put olives up his nose and then posed for a picture!”

“Whatever,” he grumbled, turning attention back to his own screen to continue his investigation. “There’s nothing of use on my phone either.”

The two flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling in the frustrated confusion. There was so much of their night that had gone up into smoke, completely unaccounted for with no clues as to what they did. Each traced their steps over and over again in their heads as they hoped desperately for a single detail that would lead them down a path to bigger memories, but it never came.

“Are we going to have to call Jeff and ask him what happened?” she finally murmured.

“I think so.”

“He’s going to put us both in client timeout, isn’t he?”

“We’re probably already there,” he groaned as he picked up his phone and hit Jefe Jeff-e in his contact list, putting the call on speaker and resting it on his still bare chest. The man on the other end picked up almost immediately.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty, I was wondering when I was going to hear from you.”

“Hi Jeff,” he groggily started then stopped, searching for the words that would make this all less uncomfortable. “Y/N and I have some questions about last night.”

Jeff let out a strained chuckle. “Yeah, that doesn’t really surprise me after last night’s bar bill.”

“Um,” Harry hummed, stammering but unable to form any real words.

“You sing about sex for a living,” she hissed at the man next to her before yanking the phone off his chest. “Jeff,” she started, taking over the conversation for them both. “Do you know if we slept together?”

“Probably not. You both were pretty unconscious when I put you in the hotel room.” His words prompted a massive sigh from both of them, looking to each other to share a relieved smile.

“Oh thank god,” they mumbled in unison.

“Jinx,” he smirked under his breath, prompting a ‘shut up’ from her.

“How did I get into Harry’s clothes?”

“I stopped by the tour bus when I realized you two probably shouldn’t be trusted not to roll out of your top bunks. I got you some clothes to sleep in before we took you guys to the hotel.”

“But why Harry’s?”

It was Jeff’s term to get squirmy. “I felt weird going through your things.”

“But you were perfectly fine with going through mine?” Harry asked, only half joking.

“Absolutely,” he deadpanned. They were all quiet for a moment before Jeff began again. “You two really don’t remember anything else that happened?”

“Everything after about two is unaccounted for,” she confessed.

“Oh,” Jeff chuckled. “So, you don’t remember when you stuck your tongues down each other’s throats on the ride home?”

Fuck.

Her eyes raced up to Harry’s from the phone she had been staring at like it held all the secrets of the night before. His easily readable features displayed all his emotions that surely matched hers. His pupils had grown in surprise, taking over nearly all the green in his wide eyes, and an embarrassed blush tinted his cheeks in a red hot flush that had reached the tips of his ears. His eyes flashed to the blank wall in front of them, running a stressed hand through his curls, like if he wasn’t looking at her, he would be able to focus better on the newly revealed information.

She couldn’t say that she didn’t relate. Her mind often went blank when she looked at him too. But right now, it was racing, occupied by anxious thoughts and intense emotions she couldn’t quite place, but felt with her entire being.

Her inevitable downward spiral was interrupted when Harry stiffly cleared his throat. “Uh,” he started, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. “We’ll see you later.”

“Sounds good, love birds,” Jeff replied, a clear snark apparent in his voice. Neither of the pair dignified his teasing with a response, Y/N quickly ending the call.

Silence hung heavy in the air and she let her eyes hover over the phone for too long when she settled it down on the bed, unwilling to connect her eyes with his just yet. Harry always had a way of staring into her and revealing all her cards to him before she even knew them herself. She wanted to hold them close to her chest for a moment, protecting the heart that longed for him more than anything else in the world.

There were no words exchanged between the two for a while as they silently took turns in the bathroom and occupied their hands and thoughts by their phones. They walked on eggshells anytime one neared the other. A tension like this hadn’t existed since the very first day they met, the first day they had begun to pretend.

Maybe that's why Harry was being so quiet. Maybe he never wanted to cross that line of pretending like she did. Maybe she had been blinded by his generally friendly personality and tricked herself into thinking there was anything more than a charade between them. Maybe last night really was just a drunken mistake, no matter how much she wanted it to be more.

“Maybe it’s a good thing that we don’t remember what happened last night,” she finally murmured from the opposite end of the room. She rested the side of her still heavy head and muscles against the wall, arms crossed in front of her as if they could keep her safe from the tension they had created. Her fingers nervously played with the hem of his t-shirt she was still dressed in.

“Why is it a good thing?” he almost immediately responded from the chair on the other side of the room he had settled himself into, running his hands along the satin pants of last night’s outfit he had put back on during their awkward shuffling around the room. He had even put physical space between them since they found out what happened, causing her heart to feel as if it was teetering on the edge of disintegrating.

“Well,” she stuttered, refusing to look at him and continuing to pick at her nail polish. “We’re just pretending so it would be weird if we really remembered it.”

“I don’t think it would be weird.”

“I don’t know,” she tried to maneuver her way around his response. “It might just be embarrassing to think about it.”

He let out a long and frustrated sigh, running his hands down his face. There was so much going on behind his eyes and she wished he would say something, anything, to break down the wall that hadn’t existed between them in months that was slowly reappearing.

“Do you regret it?” he asked bluntly, the abrupt question shocking her body to attention. “Do you regret any of this? Any of us?”

Did she regret drinking too much? Yes. Did she regret making out with him in front of their manager? Yes. Did she regret denying her feelings and pretending they didn’t exist for so long? Of course. But, did she regret falling in love with him? Never, not even for a second.

“No, I don’t,” she let out with a gentle shake of her head, no louder than a whisper.

“Neither do I.”

The words had barely left his lips before he crossed the room and crashed them into hers. The same fire she had felt on stage returned ten times over as his lips moved smoothly over hers, every neuron in her body lighting up like a switchboard. Her fingers reached up to curl into his hair and pull his lips impossibly closer to hers as her heart hammered in her chest with a passionate love she had kept under wraps for so long.

He tasted like the spicy peppermint toothpaste the hotel stocked in the bathroom and smelled like the tiny bottles of shampoo that rested on the side of the bathtub; but there was so much else about him that was completely unique–wholly irreplaceable and indescribable. He was just Harry.

Teeth clashed, lips were bitten, and hair was pulled as they took in every sensation the other created. His lips had been the only thought that captivated her mind since they were on stage the night before and her return to them did not disappoint. If her head wasn’t dizzy and her lungs not screaming at her for air, she would have stayed in that moment forever

When they finally disconnected, they stood against each other in a heaving and disheveled mess of heavy breathing and adoringly dazed smiles. She swore she could feel the pounding of his heart under her fingertips that rested on his chest.

“That was nice,” he eventually murmured down at her through heavy breaths, a love drunk grin finding its way onto his swollen lips.

“Yeah, I agree,” she hummed breathlessly, her anxious thoughts quiet and calm for the first time she could remember since she met him.

“I’m kind of disappointed I don’t remember doing that the first time,” he chuckled softly at her, shaking his head lightly in embarrassment with his pink tinged cheeks on full display.

“That’s okay. We were ‘just practicing’ then, right?” A giggle left her lips as she used the words against him. The same words he had used every time they let a glimpse of their true affections for each other slip past their guarded and friendly facade.

His dimples were exposed when he smiled a giant grin and let out a knowing huff, piecing together that she had caught onto his trail of excuses. “Yeah, just practicing,” he repeated softly, before his tone turned sincere and genuine. “I don’t want us to pretend anymore.”

“Good,” she said softly as her fingers slid up his neck to beckon his lips back down to hers. “I never was.”

“Neither was I.” She watched a soft smirk appear on his lips as they hovered over hers. “Do you want to keep not practicing?”

“Depends,” she quipped, lips brushing over his as she spoke. “Am I better kisser than Taylor Swift?

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