#almost 6months of this shit

[stump-not-found]

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i was gonna say "haha the egg fic is why i couldn't write more theseus" but truthfully . truthfully . being a working adult is a blight . dont do it . be unemployed

[r1pp4r]

hi lovelies!! work has been busy <333 i’m working on requests but in the mean time have some simon “ghost” riley headcannons :))

- i also bought a ps4 and have been playing cod so… more content hehe 🫶🫶

anyway!! here’s the headcannons :)) slight NSFW warning!!!

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- 🫣

• simon isn't a physical touch man unless youre in private but it takes a little bit. he won't be all over you when the two of you are out in public, especially on mission. but he'll do discreet little touches here and there (i.e put his hand on your upper arm, brush your shoulder, your knee, thigh) he'll even grab your pinky (he LOVES finger holding you cant change my mind)

• while simon would be absolutely infatuated with you, he'd also be terrified of you. he loves the thought of having you wrapped in his arms at night but the thought of him crushing or possibly hurting you shuts the idea out almost completely.

• this one is sad but he's hurt you before sleeping. he was definitely having a night terror, he's pushed you out of bed sometimes or woken up screaming. you didn't get to see that until farther along in the relationship though, he probably wouldn't physically sleep with you for maybe the first 6months to a year. it depends on ur dynamic :))

• as much as i know everyone thinks he'd be some mean, aggressive brute in bed... bro. he'd literally be so sweet. he'd take his time and make sure you felt loved. he likes to use his hands and mouth more than his yk, it just makes him feel like he's violating you less? idk how to explain it but he doesn't like receiving TOO much, like he won't ask for it every time but if you ever wanna really get him goin.. 🫣🫣🫣

• simon loves to take care of you, and the thing is you'll argue over it. (at least imc) but he'd definitely try and be the main caretaker of everything and i mean EVERYTHINGGGG, but he also likes ur independence :)) so u have your own job n your own money, he just likes to take care of the big things you pay for groceries n shit (when he's not looking)

• this man LOOOOOVES ur thighs. he loves just feeling his head squished in between the warmth. he loved feeling the skin squish between his fingers as he grabs your legs... esp when it jiggles after he spanks u. ANYWAYYYYYYYYY

• he loves cuddling whenever youre the little spoon in any shape or form. simon is ALWAYS holding you. his arms are wrapped around your form like a cocoon and he makes sure you're all cozied up against him. he also likes to make sure you're protected and one of the only ways he can do that is with his arms around you. he feels the safest with his arms wrapped around you, as do you.

• playing off that.. this man will literally murk a motherfucker if they LOOK at you wrong. (obviously not he'd just stare.. at them. very intensely) but if anyone ever put their hands on you in any sense of malice... i don't think for a second simon would hesitate.

• also... playing off sense. simon 100% knows when someone's bullshitting, or he can call anyone out within a minute. he's VERY good at reading people and truly can figure out their intentions quickly (obvs they can change or he can be wrong but like.. he's not 85% of the time.)

• once simon is comfortable enough with you, he'll come to you whenever he's having a moment and will allow you to basically cradle him until he doesn't need it anymore. he doesn't like to be squeezed tho (besides during ... but we knew that 😸) he just wants you to hold him and run ur fingers through his hair

• he talks a LITTLE bit more with you and his tone is a lot different and his voice is softer but he still doesn't talk a LOT. you do most of the talking but he prefers it that way because he loves listening to your voice. (he 100% calls you on missions whenever he can rather than text, he HATES texting)

• simon has cried to soap and roach about how he wants to love you but feels like he can’t. 100%.

• he only likes to be called simon when they’re at home, or in the bedroom. sometimes you’ve slipped up and he doesn’t mind :)

•bonus simon loves ur hands :~)

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/741658589078388737/had-to-stand-in-front-of-the-bookstore-bookshelves#notes I know I could eg just borrow the book at the library (tho our library is absolute shit, and new books take about 6months to a year to get stocked up.) But yes it's a possibility. I could also open the book and do that lil random page read. I don't like doing that because I don't wanna bend the books if I don't like it. Hell, I could download most of these books online for free and then check it out that way and then buy it, or again, look it up on my phone to get the blurb.

But I just fucking miss the times as a young teen where I could go into a book store, pick up a book, read the back, and just know I could sit down on my way home or to wherever we were driving and read a book and enjoy myself for a few hours. Just do a quick run through of the book store, find my section, and get that book.

No I didn't always pick up the best books, but just that feeling of seeing all those books and knowing I could just pick it up, flip it over to the backside, and actually know in broad strokes what might welcome me was just a special feeling all on its own. Just going to a bookstore was almost like a small event for me, because it was such a rare occasion where I could find some books.

I feel a lot more stressed because of how every book comes with reviews on it instead of info about the book. I don't want to google a book just to know about what's gonna happen. It's just the feeling I hate.

--

[moodymeangirl]

as an addendum to my tags on that post i want tell a story:

myself and a transfem who had been close friends fell out a couple months before my ex best friend abandoned me for good. this transfem is someone my ex best friend had both accused of being abusive behind her back, and someone they had accused me of abusing.

we fell out after the transfem in question, egged on by a decades older tme mutual friend, had told me she was attracted to someone older that we both knew and when i said 'yeah id date her' spent 20mins screaming at me for being a 'sexual predator' while locked in the older tmes car late at night and being driven one way to this friends parents house. I don't drive and I was set up and trapped by two people who later admitted to enjoying the rush they got from abusing me and knowing that none of it was true.

naturally that friendship needed to end. i also ended my friendship with the older tme friend who was present. a few weeks later the transfem in question asked to meet up and talk. she and i are both autistic and i knew she needed explicit closure to be able to move forward. after talking however, i decided i would not explictly end my friendship with her.

she did not apologise in a meaningful way and she did not view me positively, despite having repeatedly told me and others that id done nothing wrong. but still, when she asked me directly are you ending this friendship i said no.

in reality she'd ended the friendship with her actions months before. but talking to each other i could just feel that she wouldn't be treating anyone like she had me agai. one nice thing about autistic girls is we generally are just honest with each other, even to our detriment. it wasn't even rly for my sakes she just expressed having hated the experience of being viewed as unsafe by me in the aftermath so much that she never wanted to feel like that again. what im trying to express is ther wasn't some get out for accountability of her behaviour. this was still a situation of bullying and an instance of abuse.

so what we did was decided we would never go back to being close friends. but that for the sake of each other at the basic level of both being transfems and for our surrounding community and friendship groups, we would remain friends. and not only in name, it wasn't a gesture, it was a mature decision to allow for all the boundaries i would always have with her to be put in place so that we would still have a result where ultimately our community would look after its own. it was my idea and she was immediately on board. a year on it is clear this was the best possible decision. functionally we are not in a friendship. but on the community level we are choosing to be friends to each other. we have already indirectly supported each other's basic safety on a couple of occasions.

the point of the story is this: both the older tme friend who was involed in facilitating my abuse and my tme ex-best friend lost their absolute shit upon finding out myself and my transfem friend were still calling each other friends and being part of each other's extended net-that-stops-girls-from-falling-thru-the-cracks. over 9 1/2 years of friendship id seen my ex best friend angry but never had they not understood and been enraged by not understanding more than when I told them what I'd chosen. despite them treating me exactly how my transfem friend had and worse on dozens of occasions their immediate almost violent and very explicitly misgendering and dehumanising rage against this transfem was - almost unspeakably horrifying. luckily they only expressed it to me and not directly to her because i should have left then. but dv in queer relationships is rly hard to discern when you're in it and it took me another 6months to really get out.

but I look back knowing that out of everything we've been thru, what my friend hated me most for was an act of genuine solidarity with a fellow trans woman. one which didn't shy away from any of the necessary accountability nor from the fact that what she'd done to me was wrong. they hated with passion that I could be friend with a trans woman who had done me wrong. it's so putrid and and nonsensical it's almost unbelievable - which transmysogynists like my ex bestie rely on to keep their hatred from being exposed. I was extremely lucky that my other tme friends rallied around me when they found out/finally saw/were themselves exposed to the abuse my best friend had visited upon me for years at this point. but it's worth noting that my transfem friend who had once harmed me, also chose not to ditch me socially even behind my back when I was finally leaving and my ex bestie was doing and saying God knows what about it.

this friend and I don't get or particularly like each other. but in the event of us falling out we both experienced an older tme person expressing transmisogynistic rage that we had chosen not to abuse and abandon each other, regardless of our very real and not insignificant falling out. and we had both chosen to be a reason the other would not fall thru the cracks.

in the year that has passed most all of my tme friends have, however subtly, noted their surprise that I did not cut off, demonise, or abandon the transfem who hurt me. they view it as a self sacrificing kindness on my part. the only tme friends who haven't found it odd are mob. in fact all my Blak friends, tme or tma, immediately understood. and of course every single transfem we both know, understood implicitly why we didn't abandon one another.

in reality there's nothing so stark as that kind of hatred. my ex best friend hated that i chose forgiveness. they hated that i didn't view my friend as a demonised and dehumanised and de-womanned version of herself (which ftr had i done so would have been incredibly racist as well) more than anything, and what would eventually cause me to end my friendship (✂️ingly) is they hated me for being a trans woman who wasn't a trans misogynist. ive no doubt they'd have put up with me if I'd mirrored their behaviour towards my sisters. they wanted to treat me as lesser, me to accept that but never acknowledge it, and for me to treat my sisters as lesser and acknowledge it.

so yea. even tho I wouldn't even classify myself as t4t transfem, even tho there's plenty of tme people in my inner circle; i think of transfem 4 transfem circles as a fundamentally necessary kind of existence that should be loved on and protected and accepted by the whole of the queer community. just as im a white person who is capable of respecting and supporting, like functionally supporting not only in words but in actions, Blak and black people ik who don't have relationships outside of their race, just as it's actually easy to be like yeah I'm literally in the group that is why and not exempt from being why myself, and still be like so yea what I'll do is make my spaces the safest and most supportive they can be of those folks - so can yall tme folk be supportive and accountable in your interactions with transfem 4 transfem people - with the final point being that frequently it is specfically Blak/black transfems loving other Blak or black transfems and that these relationship structures are fundamentally interconnected in our queer communities.

In that sense what im also expressing here is the inditement on all my fellow white queer, including my fellow transfems, to view the value of transfem only relationship styles thru a lens which is aware of how anti-trans-Blak-woman -ness and/or transmisogynoir is experienced in our community. It matters that we don't view Blak or black transfems nor their relationships with each other as outliers, but as the core of transfeminine community that we instinctively rally and organise around. If I prioritised myself I would not be protecting transfems as a whole. Meanwhile every Blak or black transfem i know has protected my transfeminity inherently while necessarily prioritising herself.

These are the stakes and they're rly fucking high and the answer is to be a part of the structure which allows for, protects, and upholds these safe spaces. The fundamental way to do this if you're not part of that community is to respect their boundaries ie you, and to protect the existence of these spaces that are not for you on the basis of their own necessity and right to flourish, not to make their existence about you in some way. The flourishing of relationships between people more in danger from you than you are from them, or from denographics you belong to, has nothing to do with things which do oppress you. Simeltaneously, the celebration protection and respecting of these relationships does benefit your own safety when you are less vulnerable than the people participating in them to similar abuses. They're doing the hard work and you're benefiting from it, and I'm benefiting from it, and we owe our Blak and black transfem 4 transfem sisters our love, respect, and support by default. We also owe this to all other transfem 4 transfem sisters, but I hope that u can see how I am framing this as beginning at a point of intensity: an intertwined experience of transmisogyny, anti-Blak woman-ness and/or misogynoir, and one which then spirals outwards to other experiences of racialised transfeminity and then eventually still further out into experiences of solely transmisogyny.

It is my belief that, at the very least locationally, in my society (the colonial hell-hole known widely as 'australia') this is the structure and shape of transmisogynistic oppression. I can't speak for other societies but it seems likely that many white supremacist colonies have this same structure at the core of their treatment of trans women.

[catboygraystripe]

i almost cried the other day because i realised im not gonna be able to play deadlock while im studying abroad because my laptop is shit and cant run it and it will still be updating when im away and 😭😭😭😭 and ill miss pocket 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and then when i come back ill be really bad at it after not playing for like 6months 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[250813soulmates]

My Life Review

Est: 2002-2011 Getting punished by my parents & beaten for every "wrongdoing" in my life & underperformance in school. Shit ton of unrequited love because I had no balls to interact with anyone. Extremely quiet/emo because I was too embarrassed to be myself; I'm weird. At some point, probably lower primary school I was molested by my cousin for a couple of months. No sexual knowledge and had no idea what was going on. Eventually, consciousness hit and I initiated a halt to everything. Games and anime were my only saving grace from those suffocating times.

2013: First exclusive date with a classmate (1.5yrs). Life was truly amazing.

2014: Got bullied in poly for a year because I was a slow learner and a dumb fuck at programming, but I eventually became relatively good at it & came in first for a prestigious competition that was even featured in the school's magazine.

2015: I lost my first love and fell into depression. Got dumped and I reacted extremely badly. Filled with anxiousness & hatred; spammed and judged and was so rude and emotional to her because of what she did to me. I was an extremely insecure & emotional person with no sense of logic.

2016: Took my emotions for a ride and competed in a physique competition. Lost with pride because I brought my best package amongst a group of druggies.

2015-2017: Living hell, depression, suicidal, self-harm. Think of the worst and i've either tried or at least thought about it. Wanted to be a "fuck boy" and started smoking, drinking, and clubbing and learning how to "have game" which i quickly quit (except smoking) because i wasn't being true to who i am.

Early 2017: Second date from tinder (6months). Dating app was never a good idea. Generally filled with either depressed or fucked up people. Congrats we're a match! But hey I've "learned my lessons" and in this relationship, as fucked up as she is, somehow i wasn't insecure at all. Life was great while it lasted.

Late 2017: Of course, it ended badly with third/fourth parties. Went through some details in my 2018 posts below. Fell into depression again. Didn't manage to solve my emotions. When shit went down, i blamed her and hated her like how i did in 2015. Life was miserable as i was in the military. 5 weekday of depression in camp and 2 weekend of unloading all my pain at home for almost a year.

Early 2018 (?): Can't remember which year exactly but at some point the "bad boy" version of me tried to go on more dates and at one point, hooked up with someone. I hated it. I thought being nice wasn't enough so I wanted to be different. I hated who I became and went back to my true self.

Mid 2018: Third love, still in the military. No surprise its from tinder again. Generally filled with either depressed or fucked up people once again. Trying to be co-dependent without first achieving self-love and self-worth. But of course, i can only say and realize this now - because it finally ended, after 5 years. But don't get me wrong, while it lasted, it was amazing going through all thick and thin together. I had complete control over my emotions and still held on to my ability to trust and be 100% secure in the relationship. Learned my lesson from the first two and this time I made plans and asked her to be my girlfriend. Unfortunately for her case, insecurity was a major trait alongside ADHD. This would lead to our eventual downfall.

Well, she was a player who hooked up with different people on a daily/weekly basis. An extremely carefree person who simply wants all the instant gratification she could get. I was potentially "just another guy" to her. This however does no dismiss the fact that she too has been through abuse and shit before.

Early 2019: Caught her nudes on her phone in some hidden telegram folder. I was overseas for 2 weeks for a military operation and during that time she used locanto to sell nudes to make quick cash (which i didn't know what was those photos for at that time). My initial feeling was shock and fear, but just as quickly i recomposed myself, approached her, and forgave her without a second thought or even questioning her. With tears & guilt in her eyes, I hugged her and told her everything would be ok. She thought that i would break up with her, but instead, i gave her a second chance and trust that through this, she would learn her lesson about how it is not worth the risk of losing someone like me. We moved on from here and was happy again.

July 2019: The one and only time but we didn't know better. I had no knowledge about the menstrual cycle and she told me it was safe during her most fertile period. 2 weeks later we were deciding between keeping or aborting. This was probably the toughest time i had to go through in my life. A potential life was at stake, but luckily the heart had yet to form. We negotiated and we weighed the pros and cons. Her motherly instincts were definitely there but we ended up choosing the latter option. I took responsibility and was there for her through every step of it and every procedure i could attend. With a few thousand in my bank, i depleted almost all of it because that was the least I could do as she bears the weight of going through this physical and mental turmoil. The stress we had to go through was insane.

What made it worse was that during this time i had to go for nasal and tonsil surgery. Things were going fine until I was discharged and had complications (5% chance of throat hemorrhage). Ended up being sent to ER thrice in 2 weeks. Each time blood would flow out constantly and choke me up. I had to ice my neck and constantly spit the blood out until the ambulance came. The third time it became so bad I spat out almost 500ml of blood and clots into the blood bag provided by the paramedics on the way to the hospital. This time tho, i was hospitalized for almost a week. Literally had diarrhoea 24/7 from the antibiotics to the point where even the nurses were annoyed. Was on IV drip diet, and I lost ALL my gains. The guilt i had to go through when i was supposed to be there for her, but now she had to constantly be here for me in the hospital is indescribable.

Sept 2019: Started my career as a personal trainer right after ORD. New environment, new structure, and with no idea of what to expect. Stayed with the company until the first circuit breaker of covid which resulted in them closing down. However, it ain't all sunshine and rainbows. I was mentored by a dictator who disciplined and scolded me worse than my parents. Treated like a dog holding my clipboard, paper, and pen, walking to lunch with him while asking questions and taking notes. Everything that had been asked or answered before, i wasn't allowed to ask again before i got a scolding for being dumb. Scolded for my lack of spatial awareness, lack of critical thinking, and being judged for every action i took on the gym floor. Vacuum, mopped, cleared the thrash, and cleaned the toilet, because i was new. Shouted at me and slammed weights on the gym floor once while everyone was around and training clients. Insane personal growth, tough love. Later do I know half the shit he taught was either false or an overcomplication of what was necessary; however the other half was gold.

Late 2019 - May 2022: Life was great with her. Had some ups and downs, but we were grateful for each other and tried to iron out our differences as much as we could.

Sept 2020 - May 2021: Life was great. Worked at a new gym, was respected, promoted and i worked my ass off to develop my skill as a trainer. I would even dare to say i was the best in-house trainer at that place. Had a few drama going on in the company and it did got very toxic. But i was able to steer clear of most of it. However, the gym eventually closed down due to circuit breaker 2. In which i had to find a new place again.

Some time around here i broke down once and probably changed my dad forever. Though he no longer beat me like before, the anger issues and attitude was still as bad. I could vividly remember what really happened. But he got mad and I had fucking enough of this shit. I shouted back at how harsh and shitty he's been, i sat down with my back against the wall and started smashing the back of my head against it countless times it until he ran over to stop me and calm the fuck down. Since then, he's been aware and really, much better.

July 2021: Joined a new gym opened by a friend of mine. Grateful for the opportunity with an arguably higher pay compared to before but damn well a better and premium work environment to further improve my skills as a trainer. Met amazing colleagues there too and got to know all sorts of clients ranging from MNC/SME/Start-up business owners, directors, doctors, lawyers, taitais, rich stay-at-home-moms, rich spoiled brats, traders, corporate workers, pilots to even the low-income ceiling ones trying their best to improve their life by using our service. Steep learning curve at the start, but no biggie.

Dec 2021 - May 2022: A good friend hooked me up with a shady investment. Gave great return and honestly till this day (Nov2023) it is still paying out at about 7% per month. But greed took over, and he introduced me to another one which was 15-20% per month. Naive and uneducated as i was, i Invested half my life savings into both platforms at that point. The latter one got shut down eventually and became an international case and MAS was also heavily involved with it. In order to recuperate my loss, i ventured into cryptocurrency and got myself into even more shady investment schemes, and at one point, i even recruited a whole family tree of people online (10 over investors) to be under my name and got their commissions. I was highballing and reinvesting the gains, rarely ever withdrawing. 3/4 way through my recuperation, I got scammed by a fake admin and lost 80%. With 20% left, the way back up was long, stressful and tedious. Soon after, the platform rug pulled but luckily i was able to withdraw whatever i had left into my crypto wallet. Once again i ventured into many other platforms until one day I got destroyed by a bitcoin pyramid scheme and lost everything again. Withdrew back everything from my first platform due to fear into my fiat bank (DBS).

All or nothing. Sometime after, i got to know someone online, and as stupid as it sounds, i trusted "her" and to cut it short, invested my entire bank account into it. Bit by bit, more and more. I lost close to 6-digits. Platform admin needed me to "pay tax for withdrawal" and "someone reported my account so i needed to top up the balance to prove that i wasn't laundering money" At that point, a few thousand meant nothing and i was too blinded to pull back. Borrowed 2k from my love and 3k from a friend i once lend some money to as a return of favour. Topping my with the last 5k in my bank, needless to say, i lost it all once again. But she was still there for me, being my greatest supporter. Which i will forever be grateful for.

To be clear, this stranger/scammer that i built a friendship with, I made it clear to "her" that i have a girlfriend and that nothing will go on between us. I was in it for the money. Maybe "she" if its even a "she" had other intentions, it was not for me to care about.

And why did i even attempt to try all these? Because she didn't have a plan or a job. I felt the need to be the breadwinner and make her a taitai. I thought only the brave could take the risk and reap the rewards. I wanted to get rich quick and make our life better. I risked it all and lost it all.

May 2022 - Oct 2023: Bankrupted, but i wasn't depressed. I was calmed and composed. I accepted reality as it is and immediately took action to draft out a plan on what i should do moving forward. Stay away from ALL investments and work honestly on my day job until the day i recuperate everything back. Be extremely thrifty and only spend on necessities. I became so hyper focused on money that our relationship took the hit. Well, she tried to be understanding and never once complained. I thought everything was fine and this was simply a phase of downturn. September 2023, I officially recovered all my losses. I felt a great sense of relief and freedom. With a clear mind, I finally start putting in more effort into the relationship and also started to plan on marriage and housing. "I made her wait long enough" I told myself. "Next year i'll have to propose" I told myself. 17th October 2023, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. Everything seemed fine.

25th October 2023: I received a text for a break from the relationship. My heart sank. I knew what was coming. I knew she went out herself to calm her mind and will be back anytime soon. 10:15pm, i stood on the void deck, outside her lift without letting her know until she finally return at 11:20pm. She couldn't look at me in the eye and asked me to go home. I didn't want to be possessive and toxic so I allowed her to head back without stopping verbally/physically. She left me in front of my eyes. Should I have pulled her back? Would anything I say at that point help to change her mind? I will never know the answer. But I know that the reason why i did not act was due to my past 2 relationships. Both ended with me trying so hard to get them back and being all emotional. I didn't want history to repeat itself.

I sat down somewhere trying to process what had just happened. I couldn't. My mind went blank. I texted and ask if I could talk to her, to see her, to stay the night. "Go home" she texted me. "Don't push my buttons". "Go home, don't make me repeat myself". "Take bus home".

My mind was blank. My vision was blurred. Hyperventilating. I knew the bus stop was just a street away yet no matter how i walked, i couldn't find it. Took a few steps in every direction and each time i stop, i didn't know where i was.

25th-29th October: A couple of back and forth texting with me explaining how we could still make it work. How it's not worth ending our 5 years of memories. How we all deserve another chance. How the lessons we learned could have been applied to us again, instead of starting from ground zero with someone new. No hatred, no emotional and reckless talking like I did before. But maybe my sin was too great for her to handle.

"the stranger who scammed you, why was her photo in your deleted album and you answered with your story, i lost trust in you" Why should I keep a selfie of a stranger in my photo album and why are you checking my phone this deeply when you know clearly how much i respect my personal space? You didn't even trust in me since day 1. Yet I was the complete opposite trusting you a 100% even after what you did.

"you changed your phone password and that made things worse. If I could turn back in time, I would have told you how upset I am every single time life comes and hit us w something and we have to delay our plans for the future. How scared I am once my career stabilises, and yours get rocky again. And we have to restart the whole process. I wish I could have told you how much I don't trust you, how much I miss the old us, how much I missed being happy, instead of just being contented"

"I've given you chances and chances again. I always asked you out, but I know you're too tired. So I stopped asking you out and spend time w u at home instead. I know you're too tired, I know what I want; but I don't even dare to ask you out."

"I hate that I love you so much, but I doubt we have a future together. I don't know if I can trust you that you'll start putting effort into this rs. Ever since your incident last year, I've been patient."

"I've been hurt so many times, yet I just kept quiet. When you went out with Marcus (my best friend of 10years which we meet only once or twice a year) I realised how lonely I am without you. I don't want to depend on you for happiness anymore. I need to find it within myself. To fill the void you weren't able to."

"I hate that I know you've been working hard for us. I hate that I don't know if I can see a future w you bc I just have so much doubts. I hate that this has caused me so much pain too"

The old us had no troubles. The old us had all the time in the world to date and be stress free. The me after bankruptcy was fighting for our future. She talk about doubting our future when I was there fighting for it in the present.

I said "If you see yourself 50 years with me then you'll realise you won't have 50 years of the same thing & perhaps this is just 1/50 phase of the relationship" in which she replied "When you're saying all these, do you ever pause and admire the moment? Live in the present?"

So was it our possible future or the present that she was unhappy with? My present had a fuck ton of stress. Crazy workload while dealing with the financial loss and the delay of our future. Was it my fault that i wasn't strong enough to stay active and happy and "live in the moment"? Or was her insecurity and the need for instant gratification the root of our downfall? I asked myself this and I realised that it doesn't matter. There's no need for closure.

She'll be happier without me now and i'm proud that she knows what she want. She's finally heading towards a good career and she's learning to love herself, which is ever so important. Nobody is perfect and each of us are always in the journey of healing. With this, she gave me a new dumped-experience to heal myself from too.

29th October 2023: "I can't ever go back to "us" anymore. I hope you can respect that and let's move onto the next phase of life." She said. This was it. I was sad, but i wasn't depressed. I gave her a few final text to ensure she's certain. I listed out the good and the bad of us. I apologized for my shortcomings and mentioned how grateful am I to have her in my life. I thank her for giving us this opportunity to heal and grow ourselves. Life goes on.

On the same day, i broke down in front of my mother as i spilled the beans and revealed the details. This brought me and my family together, closer than ever before. For the first time, i became vulnerable in front of her.

30th October 2023 - 26th November 2023 (present) : No contact has started and I began my personal healing journey. I left no regrets and accepted life as it is. I've been through too much in life to dread over spilled milk. Everything happens for a reason and with every obstacle, i grew stronger. This is my opportunity for linear growth and I have to take advantage of it. I know i needed to love myself and i know i need to be happy enough as an individual before i jump into another relationship like a dumb dumb again. I know my self worth and i know how loyal, genuine, patient, kind, honest, forgiving, respectful, grateful for every little thing, driven, weird, eccentric, funny and playful i am.

I am not a cheater, i hate letting people down. I strive to work hard but also to live a balance life. I know what i want and i know that whoever that steps into my life next needs to also be a happy enough individual with similar enough mindset as i have. Being into fitness is definitely a huge bonus too since fitness is literally my life. I know that this time it'll be someone i meet in real life and not from dating apps. I know the law of attraction and i know that as long as i continue working on myself, the right one will come one day even without me chasing for it.

Chasing brings the excitement of challenges that'll die along with it once you obtain it. Chasing is a sign of lack of self respect. It needs to come from mutual investment, or move on.

Meanwhile, i'll continue to upgrade my fitness knowledge, explore more into cooking and singing. Take care of myself by dressing better, getting a few more trims and get some skin care routine going on. Spend more time with friends and family which i've neglected my whole life. I'll live my best life knowing that storms will still come ever once in a while. I'll identify and accept those negative feelings. I'll go into a space of observational awareness while waiting for the storm to pass, then jump right back into the path of never ending healing of life again.

In only 26 years i'm glad to have been through most of life's grieves and have the emotional maturity to take on whatever that's yet to come. My only uncertainty to how i'll react is the loss of health which may interrupt/inhibit my training/nutrition routine or the loss of health/life of my parents (no details but my dad's memory has been getting worse rapidly over the past 2 years). But when the time comes, which it will. I have full faith in my future self that i'll be able to handle it.

This is all for now. It's time to be positive. Looking through all my older posts since 2015, I'm fucking proud of where i'm at now & i'm sure my future self will be fucking proud of me taking this step today too.

Hello J from god knows if tumblr will still be around. 5 years? 10 years? Look at me and be glad i've yet to throw my life away and give up. Because of my decision today, you get to be who you are now. BLEH.

[pumpkinmutual]

.

[ramayantika]

Oh my god the amount of hate comments I see when there are reels about parents taking their babies to movies, parks etc is sickening

So there was this reel about a mother taking a 6month old baby to a ballet and I saw the baby girl's eyes light up. Yeah sure she won't remember shit but for godssake that's a core memory for the parents babies do have certain reactions to things even though they don't remember shit about the places they have been

And wtf is the usage of pet sperm, devil spawn, potato for a baby? "Delivered a pet sperm, go stay at home and throw away your life at it" Darling, you weren't even there at the show. Busy sitting and scrolling somewhere why are you getting mad.

I really hate how people complain and crib about crying babies in public. I have been there too. Don't you see some parents low key panicking especially mothers who have to travel alone on flights or trains? Not everyone can afford a damn nanny at home to take care of the baby so they can travel and that baby is theirs, it's their family they want to make memories with the kid.

I hate this generation. You don't want to have kids but leave babies and their parents alone. I have seen mothers almost wanting to cry when the baby isn't stopping his cry session and she helplessly looks around to see all these teens and grown ass adults glare at her and the baby. Rarely fo you get a person who helps her out.

[rebelwrites]

I Want Everything 

Jax Teller x Reader

Jax squinted at his phone screen due to the brightness, it was currently 2am, he couldn’t sleep, your smile and laugh etched in his brain for the rest of eternity. All he could think about was the idea of you and him. Scrolling through his camera roll, a smile formed on his lips of the pictures of you both, to say he was the president of Samcro he didn’t have the balls or courage to confess his true feelings.

Finally after another hour he dozed off but it wasn’t long before his alarm woke him again.

- - -

Parking his bike, he strolled into the clubhouse instantly met by confused looks of the other sons.

“You look like shit boss” Happy smirked

“Didn’t get much sleep” he shrugged, pouring himself a large mug of coffee.

“Getting laid?” Tig smirked

“Brain wouldn’t shut off” he mumbled as he glanced outside just as you pulled up.

“Just tell the lass” Chibs smirked, slapping his hand down on Jax’s shoulder.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about her?” He asked sipping his coffee

“Because Jackie Boy Ye are in love” Chibs smiled like a proud father “so stop listening to that brain and follow the heart”

Jax didn’t reply, it was like his breath was caught in his throat as you walked through the doors. Your outfit was simple, a pair of denim shorts, a Samcro shirt that you had tied at the waist, your hair was braided yet to Jax you looked stunning.

“Morning losers” you hollered letting the door slam behind you as you made your way to the coffee machine, you felt Jax’s gaze on you the whole time and it felt like your heart was beating out of your chest “Teller your staring again”

“Urg” Jax grunted “Nah I wasn’t just zoned out looking in that direction”

Chibs saw the slight frown that flashed across your face, it was in that moment he realised that you both had feelings for each other. Yet neither one of you had the courage to make the first move.

“We haven’t got much booked in today” you nodded as the caffeine hit your soul making you sigh with happiness “so i was thinking of working on my bike today if that’s cool with you lot”

“Yeah that’s fine darlin’ give me a shout if you need a hand” Jax smiled before heading into the chapel. As soon as the doors closed behind him, he ran his hands through his hair sighing.

He was driving himself crazy, you never left his thoughts, he got jealous of every guy you dated or anyone that got too close to you.

The day went on and Jax was now helping you fix your bike, it was a total wreck from you coming off the road 6months ago when you had to swerve due to a car jumping the lights, leaving you with a 4 inch scar on your arm.

Every so often you and Jax touched causing your heart to skip a beat and butterflies in your stomach. You were humming along to the radio when you heard Jax sigh, looking over your shoulder at him you saw him run his hands over his face.

“You okay?” You asked standing up, what you didn’t expect was him to close the gap between you taking your hand in his.

“Goddamn it! Why do you have this affect on me” he said looking into your eyes “your like an addiction that I never want to kick”

“Jax what are you on about?” You whispered slightly confused about what was happening. “Did you hit your head or something?”

“I kinda…sorta…maybe…well actually do…like you way more than I originally planned” he mumbled, stumbling over his words.

“Wait what?” You asked in disbelief hoping this wasn’t some cruel joke.

“I have completely fallen for you” he whispered “everything you do, everything you say, everything you are. You’re my first thought in the morning, you’re my last thought before I fall asleep and you’re almost everything in between. Y/N I’m so in love with you it hurts”

“You’re in love with me?” You asked chewing the inside of your cheek as your heart was beating so fast.

There was no backing down now his feelings were in the open.

“Yes darlin I have been for a while now” he whispered running his hand along your cheek “I just want you, that’s all. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. I want everything”

It took you a couple of minutes but your brain finally caught up, Jax Teller the guy you had a crush one since you moved to charming was in love with you.

“If you don’t feel the same that’s-“

“Would you just shut up and kiss me already.” You smirked biting down on your bottom lip, instantly he let go of your hand, placing it round your waist pulling you as close to him as physically possible.

Sparks ran through your body as his lips connected with yours, you had dreamt of this moment many times and it was even better than you dreamt. Tangling your hands in his hair as his tongue explored your mouth. However you pulled away when you heard cheering and whistling, resting your forehead against Jax’s, your grin was wide as you spoke.

“Well that was unexpected” you giggled.

“How about we get out of here” he whispered his lips grazing yours as he smirked “I know this cute little diner that serves the best pancakes, my treat”

“I’d be stupid to say no”

[break-dancing-spaghetti]

I don’t normally do this and feel like shit for asking, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If my husband and I don’t come up with 5k to cover half the charges we owe on our home, 10k to fully be caught up, our mortgage company is going to foreclose our home.

My husband was fired from his career, dream job right after we got our home almost 3years ago and has been working any other jobs he can get to try and make payments. Some places won’t hire him cz he’s “overqualified” and just when we start to get back on our feet he’s been laid off, “due to Covid” is always the excuse… he’s just started a new job but the mortgage company says we have to pay $5,000 usd to stop them from foreclosing by October. We’ve kept in contact with them to tell them everything that’s going on and made what payments we could, honestly we’ve only missed 6months total in the 3years we’ve been struggling. They said some months could be put on back pay until recently. I’ve done what I can, but was laid off a minimum wage job that was just keeping little bills/utilities paid. I have medical problems that make it hard to find a new job, a heart condition and depression that makes most things very hard to do I am now 7months pregnant to top it off (which exasperates the heart condition). As of now we won’t be able to pay utilities or get our dogs their food until we can work this out. We have 3 fur babies we both adore, my service dog who is getting ready to retire, my service dog in training, and my husband’s love bug of a pup. If anyone could help even if it’s just help get dog food so our fur babies don’t starve it would mean so much to me and my husband.

Here’s my cash app: $iloikfood

Here’s a gofundme link too:

https://gofund.me/9fdad23e

[lonelystonergal]

Me and my child’s father had a conversation and he admitted to me that he’d never really change certain things about how he is and doesn’t think he has to, this is nothing new this is always how he’s been but today when he said it, it was like he kinda set me free. I’m free to be me, and do me. In any way I see fit, and it comforted me.

Made me feel like okay even tho I’m probably gonna take another 6months to a year before I date, at least I know that’s exactly what I’m doing lol he can’t just turn around and say I’m cheating or too friendly lol

I kinda respected his honesty and the fact that he was so comfortable to tell me that.

And it really made me feel like I was truly healing when I didn’t cry, I honestly barely felt anything besides relief lol it’s like he let me go properly finally.

Ew, it’s weird when you know it’s right to be completely without someone.

That’s two major break ups down in my life, I’m almost through this shit bitches. 😂😂😂

[catboygraystripe]

i almost cried the other day because i realised im not gonna be able to play deadlock while im studying abroad because my laptop is shit and cant run it and it will still be updating when im away and 😭😭😭😭 and ill miss pocket 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and then when i come back ill be really bad at it after not playing for like 6months 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[gray-eyed-gypse-blog]

I'm 30 female two boys but im lonely and im sad I've been abused almost my whole life I've struggled with substance abuse and now I'm struggling with my mental health im going to start from the beginning as much of it as I can remember and hope it helps its my last shot at healing and not pushing away the only person other than my kids thats loved me and who I love

Age 4 i can remember getting a rash and sitting on this old countertop in my grandmother's bathroom calling myself ugly and fat no one told me I wasn't they laughed and let me do it they even encouraged it and thats my very first memory around this same age my mother married my step father we will call him James i can remember alot I remember his mom being kind and loving i remember him taking care of me and eventually he adopted me my mother wasn't much of a person she kept up a charade for around 10 years and Frank had a really good job he had gone to college and made something out of himself they got married not too long after they met he adopted me and they had a baby girl and from then on out I would be abused verbally physically I would be called names forced to eat they made my teachers force me to eat all through Elementary School and then I would be told I was fat they would let me eat and then go run on a treadmill as a loving parent why would you ever condone that why would you tell your child but that is okay Behavior I looked at these two people until I was around 11 years old I can remember being abused by my step father while my sister did no wrong about 2 years before my parents divorced my mother got a job and started using crack and cheating on my stepdad she would take me with her to go see the men she was seeing this opened the doors for 11yr old me to be molested and raped by 2 17yr old boys she left me with one day so she could get high I remember being forced down on that disgusting plaid couch and him putting his shit in my face and forcing me to suck it then his friend took my pants off and I lost what little childhood I had soon after this my mother left my step-dad and sister and took me I can't remember exactly where we lived this part is fuzzy from 12 to 13 I know at 13 a boy my age raped me and at 12 I was left with two grown men that raped me some how through all of that I ended up with my grandmother who did the best she could at this point i was in 8th grade and hadn't seen my mother in 6months

[zuffer-weird-girl]

May I ask for another Overhaul please? Maybe about his pregnant quirkless s/o? Maybe she's already around 6months or so but she's still energic n can't sit still? (Is it even makes sense?😂) making overhaul n the others worried as hell? Thank you! ^^

Boi

"No, you're not going to go out shopping, we already did that just last week."

"But love-"

"I said no (Y/N)."

"Pleaaaaaseeee?" You begged with puppy dog eyes.

"If you give me that look you're not even getting out of the damn bed for a week."

When Chisaki found out that you were pregnant he didn't know at first how to feel... Should he feel overjoyed or worried about the coming child that no less was his? Still, he found himself smiling each time he would look at your round belly or even touch it sometimes in pure amusement... he did this... it's his child there.

His need to protect you increased in such a overbearing level that he almost snapped at Chrono for only approaching you, the guy just wanted to ask you if he could be the the godparent geez kai relax...

Although there was only one problem that was leaving not only Overhaul but everyone in the base as well scared to death or dumbfounded...

You couldn't stay quiet. Like... at all.

Ever since you discovered your pregnancy you just seemed like a tiny ball of energy who just needed to do at least some kind of activity, didn't matter what, didn't matter when, you just wouldn't stop at place!

At the first few months, Chisaki didn't even bother too much thinking that this was just the excitement of the moment for discovering that you two made a new life together, but then you reached your 6 month of pregnancy...

He was terrified. How can a pregnant woman be so electric and hyperactive?

You joked about going skydiving once and Kai just breaked his glass at the mention and gagged on his drink... You didn't dare to joke about this stuff ever again.

Once Chisaki almost had a heartattack when you were just running on the corridors, claiming that you needed to go to a type of special classes for pregnants, then you just had to slipped on your own foot falling to the ground.

Seriously he nearly fainted... and even Iida would be jealous at the speed that Overhaul used to scoop you up into his arms and run to the hospital.

Thankfully neither you or the baby were injured or prejudiced but still, he gave you a really long scolding for this.

Not only that, but he noticed that you almost discovered Eri's room when you suddenly claimed that you wanted to clean the base. Kurono, for Kai's sake, came earlier and took you out of the direction of the girl's room... Chisaki refuses to let you know about her yet...

And now, you were giving him a headache saying that you didn't do shopping enough for the baby and he was almost freaking out, why wouldn'tyou sit still even for once?!

"Angel, calm down, I'm sure we can let this for another week."

"Kai I don't want to bother you, that's exactly why I am asking if I could go alone or with one of the precepts."

"The doctors said that you should be resting (Y/N)... you haven't relaxed even a little bit since the day you took the pregnancy test." He mentioned.

"That's not true." You pouted "I do take rests daily..."

He arched an eyebrow at you. Shit, not that look...

"Okay, maybe not that much but at least I sleep."

"Liar. Just the other night you went to do yoga or some stupid dance on another room and just went back to bed at 05:00 am."

"Wait how did you-"

"I know my wife." He placed his gloved hand on your cheek slightly carresing with his thumb.

Actually he noticed this due to your absence in the bed he needs you there with him to sleep peacefully...

"Angel, I know you're excited about our child but if you don't just stop and relax this will prejudice them or worse..." he stooped in his words for bringing you close against him "Something might happen with you my love... even if its just for me, would you take a break and just, sit down, and relax?"

Welp that stroke straight to your heart... Too much soft from him was still a great surprise.

"Guess I was being a electric brat huh? Sorry..." you smiled in embarrassment.

He rolled his eyes in pure mockness before picking his phone and dialing some numbers before putting over bis ear.

"What are you planning? Who is gonna die now?" He chuckled at your nervousness.

He shouldn't find this funny this bastard many people died or were overhauled because of his overprotective nature.

"No one, I'm just calling over a place where you can relax for real this time... Maybe get a massage or some stupid stuff related..."

"You mean a spa?" You asked in surprise.

"Yes, now here, take it." He passed you the phone in hurry.

"Wait what?" You blocked the cellphone with the palm of them for the receptionist not hear any of you.

"You talk to them, say that the form of payment will be dealed later."

Anti social freak... but he is your antisocial freak husband.

[cherishingstydia]

Domestic Buddie, Buck making dinner and Eddie setting the table. Them helping Christopher with homework (trying too at least, math is hard) bedtime stories, showers together. Please, more domestic fluff.

Buck was basically living at the Diaz house before they were even dating, but once the relationship started he only went to his place to grab things he needed. So since his lease was almost up he moved in after 1 month of dating. They were now 6months into their relationship.

Most time off was spent at home with Chris having some quality family time. They would do everything together.

After Chris came home from school it is homework time.

“Buck can you help me with my home work?” Chris asked.

“Sure buddy what is it?” Buck smiled.

“Math.”

“Maybe your dad should help you. Math isn’t my best subject.” Buck laughed.

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Ok um.” Eddie said looking very confused. “Buck maybe take a look I’m lost.”

“What? Math was not this hard when I was his age. They just teach this stuff earlier and earlier.”

“It’s ok I’ll tell my teacher my dads can’t do math.” Chris laughed.

After many google searches and YouTube videos Buck and Eddie were able to help Chris.

Dinner was usually made by Buck, but Eddie would always help by setting the table so they could still do it together.

Eddie wrapped his arms around Bucks waist giving his cheek a soft kiss. “I want a taste.”

“You can kiss me later.” Buck laughed.

“No. A taste of food that looks good.” Eddie laughed.

When dinner is done they always eat all together. Wether it’s at the table or on the couch. They try to eat at the table so they can talk about their day with out the distraction of TV.

After dinner they usually watch some tv or play a game before Christoper goes to bed. Christopher’s favorite thing about bedtime is the story. Buck and Eddie both lay on each side of him. It’s time full of lots of cuddles and lots of giggles. Some nights Christoper gets really hyper and doesn’t wanna go to bed.

In the mornings Buck and Eddie are the opposite they don’t wanna get out of bed they just wanna stay there and cuddle as long as they can.

“One of us should probably get up.” Eddie whispered.

“No. You stay and I stay. I need these cuddles to get me through the day.” Buck smiled softly

“Five more minutes.” Eddie said nuzzling closer to Buck.

Five minutes became ten which turned to twenty.

“Ok well just have to shower together.” Eddie said.

“I like the sound of that.” Buck grinned.

“Sorry not today. Just a regular shower we’re running behind today.” Eddie sighed

They both hopped in the shower trying to keep their hands off eachother but before they knew it Buck had Eddie pinned to the shower wall kissing him.

“Shit.” Eddie panted. “We don’t have time for this Buck.”

Buck gave Eddie the biggest puppy eyes. “I need you.”

Of course Eddie caved he couldn’t say no to Buck not when he gave him that look and not when he wanted the same thing.

Eventually after being in the shower almost a half hour they were running incredibly far behind. Luckily Chris got up and dressed and was eating cereal when they came out.

“Ok mijo im glad you’re so responsible. Me and Buck almost made you late for school.”

“Yeah I don’t wanna be late again.” Chris sighed.

“Let’s go bud! Me and your dad have to get you to school then rush to work.” Buck said pointing at the clock.

This is how most days go in the Buckley-Diaz household, but they wouldn’t change it for the world. They’re all the happiest they’ve ever been.

[summerrrluvvv]

Chapter 1:

Music Featured in This Chapter: Sound Track Now Available On Spotify

Sweet Life by Frank Ocean

Bad by Wale

Neighbors Know My Name by Trey Songz

So Gone By Monica

Tye:

 “The best song wasn’t the single, but you weren’t either, living in Ladera Heights, black Beverly Hills” I sang along to “Sweet Life” by Frank Ocean as I was packing. In almost 48 hrs., I was going to Miami. Every Summer we take an annual Girls Trip that we take every year with all my girls but only this year it was just the four of us. “Knock, Knock” I got up and looked through my peephole and seen it was Samar. “What up homie?!” He said being playful. “Stop Samar I’m busy, I got to pack and shit” Samar was my best guy friend that I so happen to have feelings for, but I never told him. “Oh yeah Miami with the girls omg girls trip fun times were going to sip margaritas and party and fuck on the beach yeah Miami” Samar said imitating a female. I rolled my eyes. “You gone be down there too aren’t you for Lit and Wild Festival why you over here talking, probably got Hella hoes lined up” He pretended to pop his collar. “Well the ladies do look cool Samar” I pushed him out my way. “Nigga you aight” I lied. Samar was fine as hell he had fly ass swagger. “Nigga I’m the shit what about oh boy um what’s him Lipton Tea?” He asked. I rolled my eyes. “Quinton, Q for short dumb ass” I said sitting down folding my cute swim wear. “Where you going in that baby ass one piece?? You are doing only fans?” He asked me. I bust out laughing. “Samar shut the fuck up!” I said to him. “Nah for real that’s for Q dawg?” He asked. Quinton was my little fling over the semester he was sweet, but shit was not there for us. “Quinton and I are over, shit was getting out of hand” I told Him. “Good” He simply said. I looked at him. “Well yeah cause its gone be plenty of fish in the sea of Miami” I said doing a little dance. “Look at you just fast ass little girl” I laughed at Samar acting disgusted. “Well I’m going to let you finish packing Tye, Ms. Matthews if you nasty, see you in Miami fam, I’m going hit yo line” he told me before leaving. I smiled at the thought of Miami being my time to finally tell him how I felt.

 Zion: 

“Come on Z baby, why you got to play so hard man” Jacquez kept saying to me. He was a guy I was talking to that got caught up in his feelings. I told him what the fuck it was, now he wants to stalk me. “Jacquez move out the way I got to take my next guest” I said. I was a cashier at Gucci. “Z man you playing with a nigga emotions and that’s fucked up” He said. I sighed and palmed my face. “Jacquez don’t make me call security, this why we can’t be cool, I told you don’t get attached to me I not with none of that lovey dovey shit now please honey stop making a fool of yourself its so many hoes in this mall you can try stop pressing me” I told him. He sucked his teeth in. “Man fuck you, you ain’t nothing but a hoe anyways acting like you high and mighty bitch” He said and knocked my credit card pamphlets off the register. I looked at the customers and smiled. “Ok next guest” I said, cause fuck him. After work I headed home, I called Melody on my way. “Hey girl what’s up??” She said. “Tell me why that nigga Jacquez popped at my job this time girl like nigga the dates where nice I appreciate you going down on me all the time but time is up sir I’m bored next caller!” I said. Melody bust out laughing. “No, I feel you, I been out here trying to date and nah I am not feeling it” She said. “Don’t get me wrong Mel, I want the love and shit it’s just easy to stay protected than to be so open, fuck these niggas till I get a nigga that knock my socks off, like them bitches fly right off like swoop” I told her. We both started laughing. “Z get the fuck of my line with this shit girl I’m screaming, maybe you can get you a boo in Miami or something” Mel said. I scrunched my face up. “Nah it’s a girl’s trip, I’m going to be with my bitches getting litty in the Miami City, I just got my fashion nova swim suits in the mail today, we going to have fun” I tell her. “My swimsuits from Pretty Little Thing came in today too, plus I went shopping and got me some cute ass clothes at this little hood boutique” She said. We talked all the way till I got home. “Aight Mel, I got to go in the house, Ima see you at Tye’s on Friday”. “Aight girl bye” We hung up and I gathered my things to go into my house.

 Melody:

 “Let’s keep it soft and warm with the quiet storm on V103 yeah”. Trey Songs “Neighbors Know My Name” started playing as I drove on the highway home from Lenox Mall. As I was driving, I got a call from my sister Tamia. “Yes TiTi” I said annoyed. “Guess who followed me back on IG?” She asked. I shrugged. “I don’t know Ti, who?” I said. She sucked her teeth at me. “Girl Isaac, I was like boy bye what do you want?, he gone leave you cause he say you do too much and don’t love yourself saying don’t hit his line and shit but months later gone follow me and then gone say how is everybody, aka how is Melody I see she fine as hell now and I’m trying to slide through” My sister said. I slightly laughed. Isaac was my ex-boyfriend of 5yrs. He was the love of my life and I was crazy as hell over that nigga but he broke my heart and it took a little minute to heal and then I finally was able to let go, he been doing his T-shirt business and shitwe still follow each other. I just stay lowkey because I am waiting till Miami to post my post break up glow up pics. I lost weight, got me a bomb ass job, I am glowing, skin on fleek, booty popping like I am happy for the growth, and who I am becoming. “Ti, I don’t care about Isaac anymore, don’t mention him to me anymore it’s been 6months and I’m doing amazing he can kiss my ass” I said. “Well ok then, I’m just informing you, so you won’t be surprised that’s what big sisters do” She said. I rolled my eyes. “Tamia thank you for the update I’m good, I’m going to call you before I leave for Miami” I said. She sighed over the phone. “Okay bye rude ass little girl” She said. I palmed my face. “Tamia don’t start” I said. “Mmmhm” She hung up the phone. When I got to my apartment. My dog Yoda was waiting for me, she was a yorkie. “Hey baby” I said as I picked her up. I got undressed and unwind and sat on my couch scrolling through IG. I was curious to see Isaac page, as I scrolled and looked at his pics. He still looked good, it took me sometime to be able to look at him again without crying but now I can do it and not feel anyways. “Hey girl, you pack yet?” Tye texted me. “Not yet but Ima bout too” I replied. “We bout to be in Miami Bitch” Tye texted. All I could think about was the fine ass men in Miami, get me a little fling, hang with my girls and being free.

 Ariana:

 I got out my car and slammed the door. I was heated as fuck. My boyfriend had finessed me and took my virginity then broke up with me for some new bitch. I pulled up to his apartment ready to fight. I went to his door and banged on it like I was the motherfucking police. “Marlon open up this got damn door now!” I yelled. His neighbors peeped out they doors. “Hi the fuck”. I said looking at them. Some bitch swung open the door with Marlon behind her. “Bitch leave my man alone, he done with yo unexperienced ass” She said. I walked up on her. “Wrong bitch mam” I said. She smirked at me. “Do something” She said. I pushed her the fuck back to get to Marlon. “Aye chill Ariana damn” He said as I was hitting him. “Get off him” His little Chihuahua cried. I pushed her back until Marlon got the upper hand and pinned me to wall. “Calm yo ass down Ari, I told you what it was, I just wanted yo virginity that’s it, sorry I played you now get the fuck out” I pushed him back and slapped his bitch. “Fuck this shit!” I said mad as hell. I had tears in my eyes, but I didn’t drop them until I got in my car and drove home. Why did I let him do me like that? I want to kill him so bad. What the fuck! I thought to myself. I called Tye but she didn’t answer, I called Mel and she was busy too. So, I called Zion. “Hey Ari, you good?” She asked. I started crying. “No, fucking Marlon played the fuck out of me, he told the whole campus we fucked and then he dumps me for Chantelle Davis. The thot as bitch, get me out of Atlanta now!” I yelled. Z sighed. “What did you do Ari?”. “Uhm I kicked down his door and smacked his chick just to let him know Ariana isn’t having it” I said laughing through my tears. Zion laughed. “Of course, that’s classic Ari right there, but girl we bout to be lit so this shit don’t even matter” She said. I agreed Miami is so needed I needed a break. We got off the phone and I blasted So Gone by Monica till I reached my destination.

Supporting Characters:

Marlon Thomas: (Keith Powers)