#allosexnormativity

[thetisming]

amatonormativity: a romantic partner should be the most important person in EVERYONE'S life

NOT amatonormativity: MY romantic partner is the most important person in MY life, but i understand this is not the same for other people

allosexnormativity: EVERYONE should have sex and sex is something EVERYONE needs/wants/should want

NOT allosexnormativity: I PERSONALLY enjoy sex and love having sex because it makes ME feel good, but other people dont feel the same and that's okay

platonormativity: having friends is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs/has/should have friends

NOT platonormativity: having friends is important to ME and I PERSONALLY love having friends, but there are people who dont and theres nothing wrong with that

faminormativity (is that the word?): family is important for EVERYONE and EVERYONE needs to have their family

NOT faminormativity: family is important to ME and I PERSONALLY need my family with me, but other people dont feel the same and i understand that

lovenormativity (again, not sure if this is a word): EVERYBODY feels love and there's something wrong wiith you if you dont

NOT lovenormativity: I PERSONALLY feel love and love people, but not everyone does and that's completely okay!

NOT amatonormativity: i dont have friends/have any desire to have friends, i am happy with other relationships/no relationships at all

NOT platonormativity: i dont have any desire to be in a romantic relationships, and i am happy with my platonic relationships

NOT allosexnormativity: i like hooking up with people and having one night stands or friends with benefits

NOT faminormativity: i care about my family deeply and am close with family members

NOT lovenormativity: i feel love for people i care about

it's not normative to personally enjoy something, so long as you respect that other people simply arent like you and aren't going to like the same things as you. taking down normativity is a two way street, allos and aspecs need to do it. support your local aros, aces, apls, afams and other aspecs today! remember to challange all normativities, and to not enforce other normativity by saying how bullshit other normativities are!

nothing is universal. romance is not universal. sex is not universal. friendship is not universal. family is not universal. love is not universal. nothing is universal.

[raavenb2619]

What is allonormativity? Is it referring to allosexual, alloromantic, or both? It's really annoying when things say "allo" without specifying which one it is

That’s a great question. Personally, I use “allonormativity” to refer to the assumption that allosexuality is the “norm” or “default”, and “amatonormativity” to refer to the assumption that alloromanticism is the “norm” or “default”, as well as the assumption that romantic relationships are fundamentally better than other relationships and are a universally desired goal. 

However, there’s definitely room for confusion there. Without knowing how I use those terms, you’d have to guess based on context what I mean. Additionally, my usage of amatonormativity conflates two different concepts, one about alloromanticism, and one about societal views of romantic relationships. I haven’t seen any problems arise from this conflation, but that’s no guarantee that problems won’t arise in the future, so I’m definitely open to revising the way I talk about anti-aspec normative forces. 

“Alloronormativity” and variations like “alloromanormativity” and “alloromantinormativity” don’t feel natural to me when spoken, read, or written, but I can’t think of other prefixes that could go with “-normativity”. Similarly, “allosenormativity” and variations like “allosexnormativity” and “allosexuanormativity” don’t feel right to me, either. 

Followers/rebloggers, what do you think about our options for talking about anti-aspec normative forces? Do you have suggestions for new language we could adopt?