#all you can do as a parent. it is just a very nuanced topic for her but of course that doesn't mean that i hold the same opinion of it as-

[projectjasper]

new siwaj is genuinely so good at the romcom genre (with a dash of something like slice of life here and there), so good at showing humour and domesticity and intimacy and cute fluffy romance. fully unparalleled in those departments. and i think so far perfect 10 liners manages to stay within the bounds of the genre the best.

putting aside some of new's earlier works and focusing on two generally amazing romcoms that he has made in recent years that i absolutely adore - 'a boss and a babe' and 'we are' - there was pretty much only one issue with both of them: they tried to bite off more (complicated and heavy topics) than they (as romcom series) could chew. the way abaab handled the abuse storyline was just bad and it might as well not have brought up the question of the relationship's power dynamic cause it didn't have anything substantial to say about it. don't get me started on the way child abandonment is waved off in 'we are'. and i honestly think these more serious topics were eventually dealt with so flippantly not because new is incapable of handling such serious topics at all (see: until we meet again) but because seriously handling them in this case would take us too far away from the romcom genre. they are simply something it is inherently unequipped to deal with.

meanwhile, perfect 10 liners (at least, so far - fingers crossed for the rest of the series) has been really good at presenting human characters with a backstory that is significant and effective in establishing conflict but also pretty normal, not entirely world-shattering, or uniquely heavy. having a shitty ex or divorced parents are things that do absolutely have a serious negative impact on people, but they are also very common and it is exactly because of how ordinary and easily digestible they are that they can be dealt with fairly quickly and painlessly, not requiring too much nuance and in-depth discussion. what i'm saying is they are not like your first love being a survivor who killed herself or your boyfriend being sent away and abandoned at age five. you know what i mean? they are perfect conflict set-ups but are also not too much for a romcom to handle.

because at the end of the day the romcom genre is like the dessert of media. it's awesome, it gives us a sugar rush and, to some (me, it's me, i'm talking about myself), it is the best part of the meal. but it cannot handle the same amount of density the main course can. it is mostly lighthearted and largely uncomplicated by definition and it should stay that way. (part of the reason why i think romcoms have been struggling with this is because there has been a trend of people wishing to feel constantly intellectual just for the sake of it and thinking complexity and heavy themes are the only acceptable things in media, but that's like... a whole other essay).

and, although i know a lot also depends on the screenwriter(s) and the source material, with the way conflict has been presented and wielded in perfect 10 liners, i really think new is finally fully getting to that point where he knows exactly what this kind of series should look like, what his own strengths are, and how to mix the two.

at this point, at least to me, new siwaj is the king of the bl romcom genre. and, as someone who has been watching straight romcoms his whole life and has always loved the genre but yearned to see himself in it, i am eternally grateful to new for finally making that dream come true.

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[avelera]

(Meta) The Tragedy of Working for "The Family Business" in Arcane

I recently wrote some meta about how one contributor to Jayce's suicide attempt in Arcane 1.02 was the realization that his only obvious path forward in life after his humiliating trial and expulsion from the Academy was to go into the family business of the Talis hammer factory, and how he chose death over that because such a life would represent a spiritual death of the soul for him, a fate literally worse than death.

That got me thinking about how we have several characters in Arcane who are fighting against working for "the family business" that is, living up to the expectations and desires of their parents. My immediate temptation is to say that Arcane takes the pretty firm stance that it's better to pursue your own dreams but then I stopped myself because no, it's much more nuanced than that.

I'm exploring this as someone whose family also has a family business that I didn't join, who had dreams of artistic pursuits that my family actively discouraged, so this is a very personal topic for me that I feel I can lend some insight to.

Whether or not it's the right thing to "join the family business" and live up to the expectations of the older generation is an active and complex dialogue that goes on within Arcane.

So let's go through the characters and how they reflect on this theme:

Jayce Talis: Just because he's top of mind for me. I believe it's heavily implied that Jayce's dream was to pursue magic and Hextech. Losing access to Hextech and having no choice but to join the family business was a fate worse than death for him, he actively chose suicide instead. And I believe we have hints that Ximena and his late father wanted that for him (see the childhood picture of Jayce and his father, with Jayce proudly holding up the hammer is father almost certainly helped him forge).

But we have some nuance to the discussion of "Was it the right thing?" for him to go into Hextech instead, since it's basically a curse that brought ruin and near-destruction to the world. That said, when Hextech succeeded, all the voices that wanted Jayce to join the family business were silenced and all supported Hextech enthusiastically, including his mother. So while their encouragement of him joining the family business instead of working on his dream might have averted many tragedies, it's not why anyone except Heimerdinger wanted him to do it.

Caitlyn Kiramman: This isn't subtext, this is text. Caitlyn wanted to be a detective, her mother wanted her to be a politician and is clearly uncomfortable even as far back as the shooting competition that Caitlyn wins that her daughter is so adept at shooting instead of diplomacy.

Caitlyn's dictator arc is even directly tied to the creators as a phase of her trying to live up to what her mother would have wanted (including dating nice "girl next door" Maddie instead of undercity dweller and ex-con Vi that both her parents seemed to actively dislike). Caitlyn while mourning her mother keenly feels all the disagreements they once had over her choices in life, and falls to her lowest point spiritually, morally, emotionally, etc. when trying to live up to her image of what her mother wanted for her.

Vi coming back into her life literally gives her the courage to break away from this horrible place where she's found herself, becoming this person she doesn't want to be. Because it's all well and good to say everyone should forge their own path, but it's almost impossible to do without someone who also believes in you and the version of you that you want to be.

Mel Medarda: Insofar as Mel is a tragic tale, which I believe she is, her tragedy is as a child of privilege who never breaks away to pursue her own dreams. I think the tragedies of privilege often, understandably, get overlooked in discussions of fiction but Mel plays out that tragedy writ large. And I don't just mean this from the perspective of the "poor little rich girl" I mean being from privilege can become its own cage. It can dampen ambition, lock one into self-doubt that you can make it on your own without the benefits that privilege gave, it can lead to incredible self-doubt and constant self-measuring against the previous generation because of what they left for you to inherit and to live up to.

Mel is not happy when she returns to Noxus as the new Head of House Medarda. She got everything she wanted in S1, to be recognized by her family and to ascend as a Medarda after her banishment, and nothing she needed. What could Mel have accomplished if she wasn't trying to be a Medarda, or now with or without the magic her mother literally instilled in her veins as a birthright? She may never know. Mel could have been an artist, a spy, an inventor, a diplomat, she showed incredibly aptitude at all these skills but in the end, she just works for the family business.

But Mel doesn't have anyone, not Jayce, not Elora, not her family, to believe in her vision for herself at the end. Instead, she has become the family business.

Jinx: Jinx in S1 is constantly hemmed in and restricted by Silco's desire for her to take over the family business, to help build his weapons, to help him create Zaun. Stupid joke that it is, Sevika confronts her with the fact that she could assume the family business of raising Zaun from the ashes in S2, exactly as Silco wanted. It's one of the more complex instances of "Would it be better if she did, or if she didn't?"

I think the show comes down on, no, it's better for Jinx to go off an live her own life. Sevika, for whom this isn't the family business, is the better steward of Zaun's future going forward. She did the work. She's done the thinking. She's stood by the cause through thick and thin. She believes in it. It's Sevika who should be on the Council.

It's also interesting to contrast Jinx with alternate universe Powder, who also feels trapped by family expectations. Who is constantly reminded she could be doing more. Ironically, that Powder seems to want to join the family business and live behind the bar, but it is clear that it's stifling her true potential, and her loving fathers Vander and Silco in a happier world try to point that out to her.

But it takes Ekko from the main universe believing in her for her to begin to forge her own path.

Viktor: Viktor has no family business to live up to. At most, we have a bit of word of god meta that his parents helped smuggle him into the Academy when they recognize his potential. We have a little bit of Singed/Dr. Revek as a father figure which could represent a family business and if so, it's a tragedy for Viktor when he gives in and decides to "join the family business" and go along with Singed's view of the world.

That said, Viktor's lack of connections, patronage, or family is what helps him inspire Jayce and save his life. Viktor's lack of family business to join is why he had to forge his own path. He points this out to Jayce, who is clearly inspired while at his lowest point. Jayce realizes as a result of this conversation that others have done more than him with less, that his life isn't over because he lost his privileges. That all he really needs is himself or, rather, himself and just one person who believes in him. It's no understatement to say that from that point on, Jayce has given this new life, this like Viktor gave back to him, to Viktor and their shared dream. Viktor is all the family he needs now.

And, likewise, Jayce is the vote of confidence that Viktor needs to break free of his own tragic spiral, one encouraged and egged on by Singed and his expectations. It takes Jayce believing in the better version of Viktor to pull him back to become the person he wanted to be again, in a time paradox loop that is still making me insane.

TL;DR So really, if I must say that Arcane has a thesis, it's that you're better of pursuing your own path but it's difficult, nearly impossible to do, without at least one other person who believes in you.

[highseas-swede]

Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

[drdemonprince]

on the topic of your "bad gender" posts, the one you made mentioning sexual abuse (especially by mothers) is something nobody talks about at all and I'm glad you mentioned it.

My psychiatrist said I have CPTSD after I went through a huge breakdown after putting pieces together that I've been experiencing long-term sexual abuse from my mother (incredibly long story, but you get the idea). I still completely struggle with seeing what she's done and does as abuse, because it is totally buried in my mind that it is not abusive or strange because she is my mother. No matter how many times my friends and partner say it's wrong, or things like "imagine if it was your father", or my DBT therapist is straight up with me and tells me I was groomed by her, I just cannot get the idea that her being my mother specifically makes her behavior acceptable. (especially since I didn't come out as broadly transmasc until I was 18, and was thus seen as a complete extension of her and her body prior to).

I genuinely cannot comprehend where the line is between normal care and abuse because of what I've learned (from her or otherwise) maternal care looks like "compared to" paternal. And I just haven't found anything that's been able to really help me grasp what I've experienced because I just cannot understand why, or what I can do. The only thing I've found with others describing my specific experience is the MDSA subreddit, which is usually just extremely triggering for me to browse (obviously the content, but also the daughter framing and just the everything about it) so I don't go there, but it has shown me that many of us have lived very similar experiences, we just rarely recognized it as abnormal because it was our mother. Perceiving men as the inherently "bad gender" especially in terms of sexual abuse just makes me see red, and is a lot of why this can keep going on unnoticed. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, and I'm sorry to dump this here. It's hard to discuss the nuance of it without being kinda specific. I just saw you mention it and I rarely see the topic brought up, so I guess I just wanted to say thank you for doing so

Thank you so much for sharing this, anon. SO many children endure parentification, spousification, covert incest, and sexual abuse at the hands of their mothers and never get that mistreatment recognized as such because people view women as benevolent, passive caretakers rather than full human beings who are capable of harm. Adults wield immense power over children, particularly parents, and this power structure functions in much the same way men's power over women does -- it makes children into the property of adults, and facilitates abuse.

You are not alone in this experience at all. I'm sure you've heard all about Jeannette McCurdy's Memoir, but if you haven't read it, you might find it affirming. The poet Anne Sexton also sexually abused her daughter, Linda, who wrote a memoir about it called Searching for Mercy Street that is also a powerful read. The host of the podcast The Mental Illness Happy Hour is an adult survivor of covert sexual abuse at the hand of his mother, and he speaks about it quite frequently and thoughtfully on his show, and has interviewed numerous guests who have also survived covert incest. As a male survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of a woman, he's a rare, needed voice, and I've gotten a ton out of listening to it. There's also a self-help book on covert incest that I've read and appreciated called Silently Seduced. You may also find value in Issendai's analysis of estranged parent forums -- lots of documentation of abusive female parents and how they justify themselves to be found there, and the author eviscerates it expertly.

I hope that reading and listening to some of this material will help you to more clearly see the outlines of your own abuse and to recognize it as wrong and distinct from true maternal care. It wasn't my mom who was the chief boundary violator in my household, it was my dad, but a lot of what he did mimicked the traditionally "maternal" abuse profile, and all these resources helped me wrap my head around it a lot better. It's triggering stuff, but I think it is worth plunging these depths when you feel safe to do so, to what ever degree you can comfortably manage. You might want to dig up the Mental Illness Happy Hour episodes specifically about the host's abuse experience first, since that focuses on a man's experience of having been groomed by his mom.

Thanks for writing. My inbox is open if you wanna talk. This stuff was a foundational trauma for me that I have processed heavily and I'm always willing to discuss it more with people who have been there. <3

[olderthannetfic]

Hot take incoming.

People who have been traumatized or otherwise harmed by certain people (predators, etc) have every right to be upset about it, and angry, and scared about whether other people will experience the same thing. They also have a right to process their trauma in their own time, because everyone is different. It is also understandable that some people might not have access to a way to process that trauma. Lastly, obviously, people with trauma totally deserve to be included in fandom spaces as much as someone who doesn't have trauma.

However… I feel like there is a line that shouldn't be crossed when engaging in certain discourse in fandom, and outside of fandom. If someone has lots of unresolved, unprocessed trauma, and because of it, they can't be (sufficiently) objective, or look at things in a more unbiased manner, they should not be engaging in discourse about things like censorship too heavily—if at all. They need to postpone that until their mental health is a bit better.

Unresolved trauma can make it really hard to properly acknowledge nuance. For example, if someone's parents grabbed them, beat them, withheld food, opened locked doors on them, et al, yes, they're going to have trauma. But the question remains whether they can view something like a fictional dynamic where, for instance, someone makes amends with their parents who abused them due to mental illness, which has since been treated, with ample objectivity. Or any other, even darker topics, especially ones where toxic relationships and events are written to be erotic). It really feels like many people in fandom don't recognize they might be too biased to read something without viscerally (viscerally!) reacting, and throwing down the "ban it" card. I get the impression it's not really healthy for the individual a lot of times, too.

I've reblogged posts about why it's bad to censor sensitive topics in fandom, and I've posted some of my own commentary, which tends to be very clinical. I've had multiple strangers, at these times, create full-on essays in my inbox where, after mentioning how I seemed like a safe space, they described how they were groomed and abused by someone, and all sorts of stuff that I didn't want to read. While it was very sympathetic, they argued that x things should be censored, and nobody should be allowed to write toxic relationships, because they "knew just how bad that trauma could be," and they implored me to believe them. But even if they do have firsthand experience with that trauma, and they feel so strongly about it, does that really make their argument any more logical?

I'm convinced these people still had unprocessed trauma, so they were acting with their feelings, not their brain. I got this impression from how they completely trauma-dumped on me - I kid you not, it felt like they had to get this stuff out somehow, because they hadn't been given enough opportunity to vent before. One of these people who were in my inbox? They legitimately seemed desperate to get me to accept what they were saying. Now, it could've been a bucket of fake bullshit. But if it was real, I have to wonder how much of the incessant campaigning for censorship is actually a misguided way for people to manage and make sense of trauma, to validate it somehow, and feel like they're getting control over a situation, even if they don't realize that's what they're trying to do.

Not to claim people shouldn't be allowed to speak their minds. But, there's nuance. I feel like a lot of people in fandom need to wrap their heads around the fact that there is a large difference between being informed by trauma, and letting trauma speak for you. And the latter can often lead to bad outcomes.

--

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I actually thought that Adrien and Gabriel's relationship seemed like it might have been possible to salvage in the early seasons. What do you think?

@tallwriter Starting a new post since this one was getting super long as this is a different topic.

The problem with Gabriel Agreste's character is that they very clearly wanted to write a sympathetic villain - you can tell that from how the show handles his death - but sympathetic villains don't work if you make them cartoonishly evil. You have to handle the situation with nuance and delicacy, especially when one of the main heroes is the villain's son.

Gorizilla is not a perfect episode by any means, but it does showcase how Gabriel should have been written if they wanted him to come across as complex and sympathetic. In that episode, Gabe thinks that Adrien is Chat Noir and, because there's no way to magically force Adrien to reveal himself or confess his secrets, Gabriel has to come up with a situation where Adrien would be forced to transform of his own free will (since that can't be overwritten with a ring or something crazy like that). Which is how we get Adrien hurtling to his death while his father looks on:

Adrien: Always! (jumps out of Gorizilla's hand, and over the side of the building) Yeah-ha! Hawk Moth:(from his lair) No! ... Hawk Moth:(from his lair) If indeed you are Cat Noir, then transform, son. Please. (Adrien continues to fall downward, resolutely remaining as he is) Come on, son! (Ladybug looks down at Adrien, then raises her head, eyes closed.) Ladybug: Cat Noir, help!! Hawk Moth:(from his lair, to Gorizilla) Drop Ladybug!

This is good writing. Yes, Gabe's plan was kind of dumb (you live with Adrien, dude, just bug his room), but if we accept that this was the only way to go about a forced reveal - and that does seem to be the writer's logic - then we see a situation where Gabriel put his son above winning. A situation where he's still very much the villain, but he's not a dastardly, cold-hearted one. He does love his son.

There are actually several of these moments in the first three seasons. Some involve Adrien and many more involve Nathalie. It's why season five's claim that Gabe put beating Ladybug above everything else rings hollow. He never actually did that outside of Evolution (S5E1). He's almost always been loved-ones first when it really counts, a thing that Ladybug uses against him in the final when she tries to crush Emilie. The whole "Ladybug obsession" thing truly feels like something they just made up for that one episode to justify Nathalie "turning sides" aka doing nothing useful beyond maintaining the status quo (hey, they needed someone to keep the senti plot from having consequences and it wasn't like she was doing anything useful anyway!)

The problem is that this "loved ones first" mentality is only used for big dramatic moments, often as a way to keep Gabriel from winning. It's not Gabriel's main characterization even though it needed to be if you want season five's ending to feel even remotely earned. Going into that ending, we should have all thought that Gabe was a messed up dude who truly did love his son. And, if Gorizilla, Style Queen, and Ladybug had all been examples of his standard characterization, then we would have thought that.

But that's not who the writers told us Gabe was.

Instead, his standard characterization paints him as petty, controlling, and manipulative. Which is wild because there was no reason to do that! Gabe could - and should - have been played as stern and removed, but generally loving when he's outside of the mask. In other words, Gabriel Agreste could be well liked while Hawk Moth was hated.

The crazy thing is that this is such a simple change to make. You either removed the episodes where Gabe's awful parenting is the source of the conflict (ex: Bubbler) or you just make a few minor changes to show that he's conflicted about his actions.

For example, take Chat Blanc, the episode that ruined so many elements of this show! In that episode, Gabe is a total bastard. He happily sacrifices his son's happiness to make an akuma in the form of Marinette and then, when Adrien's secret is revealed, does Gabe have any sort of conflict about traumatizing his son? The kind of conflict we'd expect after episodes like Gorizilla? Nope! He straight up delights in showing Adrien Emilie's... corpse? Comatose form? Whatever! Gabe then akumatizes Adrien with a smile on his face.

That gets the writers a solid F for consistent characterization. It's why I highlighted "almost" in red when I mentioned Gabe's motivation. Because in Ephemeral and Chat Blanc, the writing ignores the sympathetic stuff that characterizes the dramatic moments and goes straight for the worst-father-of-the-year, love-to-hate-him, please-let-him-die-now characterization that we get in most episodes.

If you were writing Chat Blanc's Gabriel to fit his intended complex, sympathetic mold, then you would probably drop the breakup plot or you'd have spent all season setting Marinette up as the perfect akuma target, changing the breakup into something that Gabriel felt that he HAD to do instead of opportunistic evilness. You'd also have Gabe drop a line like, "I'm sorry, Adrien. You'll thank me later" before the Chat Blanc akumatization. Or at least don't have him grinning! Do something, ANYTHING to show that Gabe sees using his son like this as a necessary evil and not a fun time! You know, like how he was begging Adrien to transform during Gorizilla? Almost like Gabe had stopped caring about winning and started just wanting his son to live.

Would these changes make Gabe less of a fun cartoon villain? Yes, but that's the point. Cartoon villains are cartoony. They're over the top. They have no nuance. Sympathetic villains don't work with those characteristics.

The normal way to get around this in a cartoon setting is to have secondary antagonists who can be played as cartoonishly evil. And, confusingly, Miraculous has those characters. Chloe, Sabrina, and Lila have been here since season one (Kim could also have stayed a bully and been added to that list, but he's not a teenage girl, so I get why they didn't do that /s.) Felix has been around since seasons three. Nathalie has been an active villain since season two. Any or all of these characters could be the cartoonish, nuance-less villain while Gabriel stays sympathetic.

Instead, they play Gabe however they want to play him in any given episode, making it so that he's impossible to understand from an audience perspective. I personally like the sympathetic take and think that those are the show's best episodes because I like complex villains. It's even how I write Gabe in my stuff because I go for less cartoony takes on canon.

I don't think a redemption was needed, but a sympathetic villain doesn't require one. All that term means is that you can understand the villain and be sympathetic to their plight. Redemption is optional. In fact, the goal is often not redemption, but an understand that, "there but for the grace of the gods go I." I mean, we've all lost loved ones. Wouldn't the power to bring a loved one back tempt you, too?

If they wanted to go for evil, cartoony Gabe, then they needed to drop all of the complexity and go for a Disney villain type character who gets a Disney villain death a la Scar or Mother Gothel. Don't give Gabe the wish. Let him fall to his own hubris by falling into the water of his secret layer and lading as a puddle of ash while a sad Ladybug looks on, having just failed to save him.

If you want to see an excellent look at how cartoon Gabe could have worked, then I highly recommend @zoe-oneesama's Scarlet Lady comic, which is just nearing its end after a multi-year run. I think it's fair to say that Zoe and I largely agree on canon's flaws, she just fixes them by leaning into the cartoon side of things, creating a hilarious story with lots of heart. Canon could have absolutely gone that way too and worked out wonderfully! The issue is not a lack of nuance, it's that they tried to add nuance without ever fully committing to it, making a story that is the worst of both worlds. While a more serious nuanced reboot would be my ideal dream, a reboot that scraps all of Gabe's nuance and just makes him go full evil would be just as satisfying and Zoe proves that.

[itsevanffs]

My five favourite fics

Thanks for the tag @moontearpensfic :3

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Ok this is a little difficult. In no particular order:

slowly [E, 14/?, Spider-Verse, Miguel O'Hara/Miles Morales]

Slowly is currently my favourite fic! This might change but I'm 1/3rds through it and it's still going really strong, which is super fun. For those who don't follow my spiderverse stunts, here's a plot summary:

Miguel, a 37 year old divorcee, gets invited to Miles' 14th birthday party through happenstance, where they befriend each other. Over the next six months, that friendship deepens into something Miles isn't quite prepared to handle, and which Miguel isn't ready to give up.

It tackles a lot of (in my eyes) pretty complex subjects, like the nuances of parental neglect, grooming, trans experiences, sibling dynamics, teen sexuality and more :D Aside from that, it's also a PWP, which tend to be my favourites overall. It's a good brain squeeze for me to navigate all the intertwined realistic aspects while still making it believable, and from the response I've gotten, that seems to be something I do pretty well!

Anabiosis [E, 3/3, Harry Potter, Tom Riddle/Harry Potter (implied)]

Anabiosis was a big ol chonker of a fic, and took a lot of research to get right, particularly in the last chapter. I cried as I wrote the ending of the first chapter---I think I sobbed for about 20 minutes straight, a sentiment a lot of commenters have echoed---and it's very close and dear to my heart. It's a big character study about grief; grief for something you never got to have, grief for something you didn't know was there until it was gone, and grief for something you always took for granted. I think it turned out the best it could be, and I'm glad I wrote it.

At the expense of the world [E, 5/?, Harry Potter, Tom Riddle/Harry Potter]

At the expense of the world (or expense, for short) is one of the oldest ideas for a fic I've ever had. I've always been sort of fascinated by ancient Roman culture, and the second I learned about the honestly massive amounts of slavery they did, I wanted to write a fic about it. That's over a decade ago, now, although this fic itself is a lot younger; it's just turned 2 and a bit :D It's also got a lot of research behind it, and while it's more fantasy and PWP than anything else, I'm still really grateful to the very warm response it's gotten!

Sugar [E, 3/8, Spider-Verse, Miguel O'Hara/Miles Morales]

Sugar is a big excuse for me to play around with a bajillion iterations of the omegaverse at once, and it's really fun! I also really like how organic the dialogue has turned out; watching ATSV 30+ times has really helped me nail down their voices :D It's got some heavy topics in it, like sexism (fantasy sexism I guess) and cultural differences among universes regarding treatment of different dynamics. It's cool! I love exploring stuff like that, so Sugar is a tasty treat to me! (pardon the pun)

the bad man [E, 1/1 Spider-Verse, Miguel O'Hara/Miles Morales]

This is my first ever pornshot with complete nonconsent, which was a pretty notable milestone for me! I had a lot of fun writing it---I think I wrote it in like... a week or something. I'd check but that takes the fun out of it :P It has two iterations; a teacher/student version, and a brother/brother version. The brother version is a separate fic, you can find it in the series if you want. I'm not sure which one I like better, tbh

Okay, uhh, tag... @cindle-writes, @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger, doubling the tag for @mosiva, and @aldergroves and @muchymozzarella. no pressure obv :)

[starfanatic]

Crafting the most controversial ranking of the olympians (including Hestia and Hades)

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST WAS INSPIRED BY @wanderingmind867

APOLLO: He's just fucking AWESOME???!!! What can I say? He's such a easy to like god when you don't let the stupid retellings poison you. He's the god of writing and music (both topics that I love) and just SO much more. I can't even grasp how much the greeks fucking loved this guy and so do I. In a more fanon-y way, in my head he's the best possible protagonist out of all the olympians for a story. There's so much nuance with him, and I just love psychoanalyzing him. I also think his relationships with other gods and every mortals is so INVESTING and intense if you think about it in the right way. Also I love blondes. Blondes are hot.

ARES: The more people hate him, the more I defend him. He gets so much undeserved bullshit, he should've been the Hades of our modern generation, he deserves it way more imo. He's a great father, a great lover, and he dances! DANCES! He's probably the god with the most misinformation besides maybe Hades. Ares kind of gives me the underdog affect? Yes he's this big huge god, but he loses FAR too much to be considered the "bully" like the myths advertise. And I get that it's supposed to be a message "brain over brawn" but quite frankly I could care less. Ares is treated bad by his parents, he just deserves so much more I love this guy. I love paralleling him with other gods too like Athena or Apollo or Zeus. He's just so fun to write.

APHRODITE: I feel the exact same way for her as I feel for Ares. I used to hate her SO MUCH, until I realized how misled I was. APHRODITE IS FUN. The only thing is that I'd defend her wrongs because I don't give a shit. "Aphrodite was petty" IDC!!!! I hate how authors (Rick.) write her. She's SO much more then what she's reduced too. She's SO powerful. I think the only reason she's not equal to Ares because I don't know a lot of her myths. She's serving cunt ALWAYS.

POSEIDON: Poseidon being so high is probably a disservice to society. BUT HES SO COOL AND SO POWERFUL????!!! Yes he does shitty stuff I'm not gonna pretend he doesn't, but seeing him in stories is just so entertaining. I typically like reading fanfics with him during the titanomachy or just fanfics where he's being a great uncle (so... super not accurate but it's entertaining). Ngl I giggled when he asked Apollo to fight him during the trojan war and Apollo said "nah im good". Poseidon is a BEAST in the fight with cool ass powers and a BEAST in bed (um.. when it's consentual... fuck I hate greek mythology sometimes). STORMBRINGER (i hope that's Poseidon and not Zeus???) GOD OF THE SEAS

HERMES: Hermes is kind of low, but NOT BECAUSE I DONT LOVE HIM. I tend to like gods who are a bit... violent if it wasn't obvious by the top 4? And even though I know Hermes can be violent I never see him BE violent. He just seems too perfect for me? Name one flaw he has that the other gods don't also have. HOWEVER he's so fun to read about, I don't like Percy Jackson but when I saw Hermes in the tv show I jumped out of my seat. I really like him with Apollo though, it brings a level of complexity that I LOVE.

zeus... I can explain. OKAY SO, I LOVE COMPLEX CHARACTER RIGHT AND GUESS WHO IS A VERY NUANCED GOD IN MYTHOLOGY??? ZEUS! I specifically like him from the titanomachy, because I like to think he was just... different when he was younger. Kind of like one of the typical heroes until the power he has changes him over time. I wish someone wrote a retelling because I'd love to see Zeus and Rhea or Zeus and Cronos interactions during the war. Disclaimer, I'm aware he does shitty shit but so does everyone on this list besides like Hestia and...that's it.

DIONYSUS: His low ranking is more to do with the lack of knowledge but also I'm not too interested in the domains he involves himself with. Never went to a party, never did drugs, never drunk alcohol, etc. HOWEVER I love when Dionysus is completely unhinged. God of MADNESS GUYS!!! ITS IMPORTANT! I love the myths where he's genuinely just being scary as fuck, I love how powerful but underestimated he is.

HERA: She deserves better. If I was her I'd do worse, but like... not to innocent children and women. That's all.

ATHENA: I don't find her that interesting. She just kind of reminds me of that one girl in the class who reminds the teacher they have homework. I am aware that I AM biased though, my top 4 gods consisted of 2 gods that are at odds with her. I just don't like how biased the myths were in her favor, it kind of makes her boring. If Ares or Athena lost equally I wouldn't mind her, but she wins every single time. Even when she loses, Zeus doesn't care and let's her get away with it anyway. Athena, for me, absolutely requires other gods to add complexity to her character.

DEMETER: I like her out of spite because I don't like Hades x Persephone shippers from modern retellings. In particular I don't like the Hades x Persephone shippers that hate on Demeter as if they know anything about her. She's only low because I like a lot of other gods better and I just feel like I'd never be able to write anything with her as a main character because I've never "psychoanalyzed" her like I did the other gods.

HESTIA: *shrug* I don't know her that well, and she doesn't seem to really have any myths to jump off from. The lack of myths and personality puts her low on the list. Though I do love how sweet she is.

HEPHAESTUS: ...he bores me. He doesn't offer anything to me whatsoever. I don't necessarily feel bad for him for the Aphrodite situation either, and I hate when a lot of people who like Hephaestus ignore VERY IMPORTANT details on the myths to serve their purpose. The majority of it is just plain boredom, but I hate how everyone villainized Aphrodite and Ares.

HADES: ...sigh. He's a bit of a unfair one. I'm not someone who can seperate the god from the people who like the god. A lot of Hades fans tend to just piss me off based off the most obvious misinformation in the entire world. I HATE how they try to hate on the other Olympians as if Hades is somehow better then him? He has no myths that doesn't make him better, we just don't have a lot of him. I don't find him necessarily interesting, and I desperately wish for the retellings for him to end. It's not really fair because it's less the god and more the "fans" but whatever it is what it is.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas24 Day 2: Hybrid (OG Version)

Good afternoon, and we're back for Day 2! I'm surprisingly on the ball tonight, so I assume that means tomorrow will be beyond late <3

Today we have a scene from Hybrid that I was pretty happy with (for a draft). Obviously, everything in Hybrid requires Alice to be the most dramatic at every point and deal with a lot of baggage her childhood left behind. Plus I love writing her dynamic with Cynthia and dragging Cynthia Brandon into the mess of things. There's definitely some context and nuance missing, and we're building towards a lot of action happening very quickly (the Brandons learning about vampires and the supernatural for one) and even though there is a lot of editing and assembling to do, it's really exciting to see this behemoth of a fic come together.

I hope you like it, and the ask box is still open for the next 11 days of ficmas ;)

note

There's some negative thoughts directed towards the Pack in this section, and a note expanding on that below. Nothing that is more aggressive or unpleasant than canon, but just something I wanted to make note of.

—

After my … disagreement at the Cullen house, Jasper agreed that it was probably better if we found somewhere else to spend Saturday. The plan we came up with was getting snacks from my house, driving up the coast to hang out at the beach, and maybe keep going to Port Angeles to catch a movie. Which was really just a round-about way of planning to go make-out somewhere we wouldn't be interrupted.

It was nice, days like that. Where we could be normal and ordinary. Jasper would argue with me if I said that, and point out that we were neither of those things; he was a dead Confederate and war criminal, and I was a quarter vampire. I knew the guilt still hovered around him like a cloud, that he chose to be with me and that he saw it as a selfish choice. If anything, I was the selfish one.

When we got back to my place, I noticed an unfamiliar car pulled into our driveway - nothing notable, just an ordinary hatchback with a few local bumper stickers on it.

“Probably one of Simon’s coworkers,” I said, half to myself, as Jasper pulled up out the front. The nurses from Forks Hospital were a social bunch and were regularly coming around for coffee and gossip, even on their days off. Cynthia had tipped me off which ones to avoid - overt gossips, anti-vaxxers, and all around judgemental pains in the ass - but it had become a sport to aggressively avoid running into them just so I didn’t have to make banal small talk to avoid being the topic of discussion passed around Forks Hospital.

I picked my way up the front steps, dodging tools and paint supplies that were stacked around - the front of the house was still covered in tarps, and the paint streaks on the front door indicated that Simon was still deciding between the emerald green and the deep purple.

“Alice…” Jasper began. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Are you breaking up with me again?” I asked, fumbling through my bag for my keys.

“No! Alice,” Jasper said, his hands resting on my shoulders.

“Then it can wait until we get to the beach. I want a bagel and a juice, and then we can go,” I said definitively, as I opened the front door and dropped my bag on the bench in the entrance.

“Okay,” Jasper said, following me through the house. “But it’s important.”

I wasn’t expecting to walk in to the kitchen to find some awkward tableau of socialising. Jacob Black’s friend - whose name escaped me - was on the couch with a woman that had to be his mom; they looked so alike. Cynthia was sitting beside Simon opposite them, and Dad was standing in front of the television.

And I clearly interrupted something.

“Alice!” Cynthia jumped up, and then awkwardly stopped, as my parents exchanged looks. “I thought you’d be home later?”

“The plan changed,” I said, smiling at Jacob’s friend and his mom in greeting.

“What did you do?” Simon asked, and I heard Jasper snort behind me.

“I… would prefer it if we all pretended it was something rebellious and kind of cool and outrageous, like we ran out of condoms or didn’t have the money for coke,” I said, heading to the fridge, as Jacob’s friend began choking on his soda.

“Alice,” my father sighed, and I turned around to see Jasper halfway between horrified and trying not to laugh.

“There was a disagreement between Alice and Rose. And Bella and Alice. And Bella and Rose,” Jasper said. “And Rose and Edward. And Edward and Alice.”

“Who won?” The kid asked, still red from my earlier comment.

“Me, mostly,” I said, foraging into the fridge.

“Mostly?” The kid’s mom asked.

“A well-timed retreat is sometimes necessary,” Jasper said solemnly, and I pulled my head out of the fridge to make sure he wasn’t mocking me.

Then I realised that everyone was kind of quiet and looking away from each other; there was a track of untouched snacks on the coffee table, and Cynthia was sitting on the couch again, staring at her hands.

“…Should we go away and come back later?” I paused, holding up my tangerine and soda. “I have my snacks, I’m good now.” There was also a box of cookies on my desk upstairs.

“Esme Cullen was out of food?” Dad asked.

“No,” I said, frowning. “The well-timed retreat, remember?”

“Part of the disagreement,” Jasper murmured, and my father shook his head.

“Do we need to go?” I asked again, and Cynthia shook her head.

“No, you can stay. We need to tell you something, anyway.”

“Now?” Jasper asked, and I looked between them, confused.

Simon cleared his throat. “You know Sue Clearwater and her son Seth?”

I walked around the kitchen counter and hopped up on a stool, peeling my tangerine. “We’ve met - you’re one of Jacob’s friends,” I said. Seth nodded, looking between me and Cynthia.

“Sue is on the tribal council,” Simon continued. “She’s friends with my mom.”

“I’ve known Elaine Jones a very long time,” Sue said. “Simon used to spend time on the Res when he was younger.”

“Tormenting the locals,” Simon agreed. “You’ve met Leah, I think, Sue’s eldest?”

“A while ago, yes. Jacob Black introduced us.” I could feel Jasper’s hand slide around my hip, an instinctual response at the idea I’d been alone with the wolves. But it was before this, before they’d started shifting.

“We just came around to have a talk with your parents and Cynthia,” Sue continued, using a very elementary-school teacher voice.

“Yes,” my father spoke up, running his hand through his hair. “So, Alice, obviously this is something that will affect you as well. Simon and I were going to sit down with you and discuss it later but now seems as good a time as any.”

Everyone immediately looked away, falling silent. Cynthia was the first one to speak.

“So, Jenna and I went to La Push a couple of weeks ago,” she began nervously.

I frowned. “After I told you to not go near fucking La Push or the Res under very strict circumstances? And I tried to put the fear of god into you and told you that if you thought I was exaggerating, I’d get Rosalie Hale to come over and explain to you in excruciating detail why it was a bad idea?” I said sweetly. Jasper had one hand on my shoulder now and I could feel his gift drifting over me. Calm, calm.

Absolutely not.

“Alice, you didn’t give us any information about why,” my father began. “I spoke to Charlie Swan, Simon spoke to Sue, there was nothing happening on the Res that was a cause for concern. Honestly, I assumed you were taking sides in the dispute between the Cullens and the Res, and Simon and I were disappointed.”

Fuck.

So one of the mouth-breathing balls of hormones and Axe deodorant that Jacob Black called friends had gone and imprinted on Jenna Stanley and now I was being recruited to somehow… what, play ambassador?

Wow, just imagine that conversation - “So, Jessica, Mrs Stanley, your middle-school sister and daughter is now the singular, sole obsession of this delightful, sweaty acne sufferer. It’s like if having a soul-mate was a lottery you didn’t enter, had no say in, and were obliged to fulfil. But at least Jenna in middle school; this conversation gets so awkward when the kid is still in diapers. Anyway, I have very little knowledge on what Jenna’s options actually are in this situation but assume she has only very limited consent and will no longer need things like a college fund or hopes and dreams for the future.”

“Guess you wish you’d listened to me now,” I said, losing interest in my food.

“It’s not that bad, Alice,” Cynthia said in a small voice. Jasper’s hand had migrated to the back of my neck, his thumb stroking the bite scare there.

“You say that like I didn’t spend an afternoon watching a teenage boy follow around a toddler. Or the wreckage of Emily Young’s face,” I said grimly. “Jenna Stanley doesn’t deserve this. Who is the perpetrator? I need to know who to tell Jessica to hit with her car.”

“What?” Seth looked confused.

“Oh, Alice,” Simon gave me a pitying look.

“Um,” Cynthia said. “It wasn’t Jenna. Look, I know it sounds kind of creepy but it’s really not that bad. Seth’s been really nice to me, and Sue explained it all to Dad and Simon, and gave them permission to talk to the Cullens, and Seth kind of explained some stuff to me…”

It was white noise in my ears at that point, at all the information that was coming towards me.

It wasn’t Jenna.

Seth’s been really nice.

Talk to the Cullens.

Explained some stuff.

“Who was imprinted on?” I asked through numb lips, and Jasper was in front of me suddenly.

“Alice, it’s okay,” he said gently and I wanted to shake my head. I wanted to pitch a fit, like I used to in the hospital so I’d be sedated and not have to worry about the world for a while. I wanted to go back to this morning… or, no, Cynthia said it had been weeks since she went to the Res. I wanted to go back to then. I wanted… I wanted more warning about what was about to be dumped on my family.

Carlisle had mentioned that one of the Volturi had wiped out werewolves hundreds of years before. If anyone had laid even a single finger on my sister, I would make the Volturi extinction event look like a family picnic.

Distantly, there was a rational voice pointing out that this was the better outcome. Seth would be able to keep Cynthia safe from everything; James or Victoria would never be able to lay a hand on her…

“Who?” I asked again. I let my body relax.

“She’s going to faint,” Dad said, and everything sounded like it was underwater for a moment. Jasper took the tangerine out of my hands. I remembered this feeling, from the hospital. It was just another muscle memory, another layer to survival.

“Me. And Seth,” Cynthia said finally. And I stared blankly at my sister for a moment. My beautiful, sweet, bossy sister, who I’d always been so relieved never got mixed up in all this. Who went to sleep at night thinking that monsters belonged in fairy-tales. And my parents, who had been tossed in the deep end and probably been told a whole bunch of shit about the Cullens… Not to mention that there were a fair few details about Mom that no one knew that were probably going to become very important very soon.

I looked up at Jasper, biting down on my lip.

“It’s okay, Alice. It’s going to be okay,” he said so kindly. “You need to breathe.”

“Is she going to have a seizure?” Cynthia’s voice was so worried, so upset. And Seth immediately stood up to comfort my baby sister.

The thing is about Jasper is that he’s fully aware that I cannot fight him; I might be stronger than a normal human, but I still don’t stand a chance. He can break my bones with very little effort. 
 But he overcompensates for that most of the time - he’s way too gentle, too slow in dealing with me. His reflexes are more in tune to Bella than to me.

Which is why, when I ducked under his arm and lunged at Seth, he lost grip on me entirely.

“Alice!” Jasper missed me by millimetres as I moved, and then there was yelling and movement and everything was a blur. It happened so fast I don’t feel like I’ve moved at all, until there was pressure on my face, and then Jasper’s arm around my waist. My face is wet and I’m yelling but I can’t even decipher what I’m saying. Everyone is yelling, and the coffee mugs are on the floor, broken. Fuck, Simon loved that rug.

“Alice!”

“Are you okay?” Jasper has me off by the fridge, and I’m suddenly aware that my face hurts and is wet. Fuck, I’m bleeding and I look up to see Sue Clearwater staring at me in complete horror.

“What is wrong with you?” Cynthia shrieked at me, as Jasper stuffed a handful of tissues in my hands, swallowing hard. His control around my blood had gained leaps and bounds since the baseball game, but it still made him uncomfortable to be around like he was going to lose control of his body and attack me.

“I can’t, I can’t,” I mumbled into the tissues, knowing that only Jasper could hear me - and probably feel the cocktail of fury and grief and terror and exhaustion churning through my body. My little sister. My parents.

“It’s going to be okay, Alice, I promise,” Jasper said, as he slowly pulled me into his arms. But as much as I didn’t want to, I heard Sue’s intake of breath and the warning look on my father’s face as Jasper held me.

It’s all wrong. Everything’s wrong. I could have stopped this.

--

note So yes, Alice’s thoughts about the Pack and imprinting are headed in a pretty toxic, unpleasant, and hypocritical direction. This is intentional for three reasons: 1. Alice grew up in foster care and saw extensive grooming behaviours and abuse towards small children. Seeing Quill and Claire together in the imprinting context would have brought up a lot of very ugly experiences and memories for her. Ditto the real story behind Emily’s scars; in Alice’s view, just extremely violent domestic violence. 2. Alice adores Cynthia and because she was absent for so much of Cynthia’s life, has become the ultimate protector of Cynthia and prizes keeping her out of the supernatural mess. Seth imprinting on Cynthia is Alice’s failure to keep her sister safe from all of that, and she’s lashing out. 3. At this point, everyone is still under the belief that the Pack are werewolves, who are known to vampires to be outrageously dangerous and vicious. The Cullens aren’t exactly known for their balanced view of things, so they have definitely coloured Alice’s opinion.

Alice’s stepfather, Simon, is half-Native American and spent time on the Res as a kid, so Alice’s anger and frustration towards the Pack is a full plot point that has to be unpacked. Everything I write strives to be character driven before all else, and sometimes these issues get complicated, but I hope I write about them in a believable way.

[elvhenmage]

everything i have to say abt davrin lacks the extra nuance that i assume one gets from his romance scenes, but i still find him fascinating – that drive for Purpose that made him join the gray wardens, and yet, the pursuit of that Purpose often framing him in… sort of insignificant ways? ways that de-center him?

finding and caring for the griffins is important, but his way of speaking about it tends to position him as just The Guy Who This Task Falls To – the bodyguard, not as important as the actual trainers who died. (which shifts a bit over time, but initially……)

and like, being the one to slay the archdemon and die in the process is in no way insignificant, but it's not JUST that – he considers ALL the wardens that died in weisshaupt heroes, and thus, there’s that sense that he failed by not fighting till the bitter end like they did. even if he didn't die to the archdemon, and just fell to the army of darkspawn, he would have Fulfilled That Purpose still.

and he DOES take pride in a lot of the things he’s been able to do since joining the gray wardens, but even then, those sort of heroics seem to often be framed as A Gray Warden Thing (sweeping thru a town beset by darkspawn and saving the townsfolk) rather than… something that he, As Davrin, has done.

(wish i remembered more of the phrasing he uses when talking abt his monster carvings – done for a very noble purpose, and is more obviously something that he can do because of HIS specific experiences with monsters and HIS skills with woodcarving/whittling, but even so, i think what he says still decenteres him from the act a bit)

SO. that sense of loss and failure he has to grapple with… the guilt that comes with LIVING………. thinking you’ve found Your Purpose and then having to grapple with not fulfilling that and eventually finding A New Purpose………. and then facing the possibility of dying nobly anyway OR watching a friend carry out that last noble sacrifice in your place???? much and more could – and likely has – been said about him by those more eloquent that me but even so. even so…

this got so long LOL i'll put it under a readmore. also i hope i managed to stay at least sort of on topic, i kinda got carried away 😭

well as far as i've been able to tell, outside of locking in the romance during the feeding the halla quest, you only get the one extra scene near the end if he's been romanced, so 🤡 but i've only played his romance so far so idk what exactly is exclusive and what isn't. i won't get started on all That though bc i have a whole other set of complaints about his romance

but he absolutely is de-centered in a lot of his own story, which is a huge shame because at the beginning it seemed like it was setting up to BE something. one of the first real convos you have with him at the lighthouse is about how he feels about suddenly being a caretaker and not just a bodyguard. his role has completely shifted from "stand guard while someone else parents the griffons" to "i'm the one who has to make sure assan is properly cared for." and then he applies that logic to assan and the griffons: "these animals live to fight - but i wonder if there's another path for them?" at which point you can say yeah, everyone can find a new path. but then they don't deliver on that For Him specifically, it's just always about the griffons

like it just feels like it wasn't tied together properly. because there is so much to examine wrt how he feels/acts after weisshaupt and how he's had his main purpose in life ripped away from him. and i think you're right in that it is often framed as A Grey Warden Thing but i also think that could've been, like... part of his issue, yk? because he says in one of his journals that basically he felt like he had to prove himself to his clan when he left and he acknowledges that he was being bullheaded and has since chosen to stay distant. so i think him not allowing himself to be The Hero so to speak could be attributed to him trying to make being a warden MEAN something. if that makes sense. it's just that there's no satisfying follow up to any of it because the writing cares primarily for assan/the griffons

he just has so much potential. obvs we've had warden stories before and it's nothing new that a lot of them feel like they have one singular purpose in life, but this is the only one where he tries to fulfill that purpose and fails. the HOF didn't fail because they knew they weren't going to die if they did the dark ritual. but davrin fully expects to die! and there's no weight to it! they bring up the fact that wardens die killing archdemons as party banter for christ's sake - i sat through the first part of weisshaupt going "so is anyone gonna talk about this, or ???" only for him to have like two lines about it that you as the player can't even choose how to respond to iirc. and then he finds a new purpose after weisshaupt where he wants to live because he sees a future for the first time, and that can still be taken away from him. but all anybody ever wants to talk about is oh poor assan!! if davrin dies so does he so i guess i'll save davrin so the poor little baby griffon doesn't die too! and it's like HELLO?? what are you people even talking about. there is so much potential in davrin and his life and thoughts and feelings and how he could be swayed more towards the wardens or the dalish in the exact same way the griffons are but he's consistently ignored by both the narrative and fans.

and actually i will circle back to the romance point in the first paragraph - i don't know if it's romance-specific but during the final check in at the lighthouse after the point of no return, you get this very brief convo:

DAVRIN: wonder what my old dalish clan would think if they could see me now. ROOK: no reason you can't visit them after this is over. DAVRIN: yeah. i could. DAVRIN: (chuckles) and i'd definitely bring assan.

and it's just, like. MADDENING to me. to me, it feels like there's no real moment where you get to further press on the "everyone can find a new path" dialogue and his "was i born a monster hunter, destined to do this job, or did i have a choice?" journal entry to actually dig into how he feels about what he feels like he should be doing. you can't help him through the internal struggle of his warden duties vs his dalish identity even though it is a DIRECT PARALLEL to what do to with the griffons. like i guess the subtext is that whatever you choose with the griffons is also you choosing what his future will be like but they don't SHOW that. his final line isn't even about him!! it's only about the griffons!!

i dunno man. i feel like an insane person sometimes because i don't know if maybe i'm missing something or misunderstanding or not remembering or whatever. it just doesn't feel like he got the respect the rest of the companions did with their personal quests and it sucks because you can see the glimmers of potential in his storyline and how perfectly he parallels the fate of the griffons. they just didn't spotlight him enough for it to feel like his issues were resolved imo. which is exactly what so many people were afraid of as promo material was coming out, and now here we are, having to deal with people saying the final choice is "harding vs assan" and ignoring davrin completely.

but anyway!!! that's all i have time for because my lunch break is over and my boss is already on my case. thanks for the ask and for letting me ramble though <3

[lioneliness-etc]

What’s your opinion of popular Batman fanon tropes like pit madness or Tim being a coffee addict? I’m not a pit madness fan because I think it’s problematic and excuses abuse but I do love Tim having a passion for photography and stuff like that! What’s your opinion :)

Wow I really didn’t realize people would actually ask me things and so I never actually checked my inbox 😓

Personally I’m no stickler for canon, but how much I enjoy a fandom trope is depends entirely on how well it’s used in fic/art. I’ve read great fic that uses fanon tropes in really interesting and unique ways (or just explores the ramifications of a trope in a deep way). I’ve also seen people who really like to adhere to canon and seen great stuff from them.

I think it’s totally fair (and necessary) criticize fanon tropes for perpetuating problematic ideas, but I also think that there are often ways to write these tropes in nuanced and meaningful ways

For example: I 100% agree with the criticism that the historical retcon and fanon depiction of Jason Todd’s parents criminal, drug addicts, and inherently abusive leans into EXTREMELY classist and pro-incarceration beliefs that I simply will not stand for.

But… I also think there should a place for Jason fics that DO discuss parental abuse, addiction, and the incarceration of family members. ESPECIALLY for fics that are willing to confront the complicated emotions and dynamics this can cause, especially for a child.

The same goes for Tim and fanon depictions of abuse/neglect within wealth and privilege.

The reality is that all of those topics are experiences that DO HAPPEN to real people. They shouldn’t be excluded entirely from art or written off as inherently problematic interpretations without evidence.

I would hope, however, that writers and readers think critically about how any tropes, fanon, or canon for that matter, are being used. I also think that people should avoid using them as “easy” excuses, or sticking to stereotypical depictions of certain topics. Remember that addicts and incarcerated people are not evil or unloving, that abuse is often way more complicated and insidious than simply hating your child or partner, and that victims don’t always react in ways that make sense to others or that society deems acceptable.

And for fucks sake don’t assume that fanon interpretations are inherently shallow or that adhering strictly to canon is inherently better. (And obviously don’t read anything that you think might trigger or have a negative effect on you, or that you just won’t enjoy!)

This became a long rant and a bit preachy, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.

Personally I think Tim likes energy drinks and very sweetened cold brew lol!

[trojanteapot]

The writing blindspots in Infinity Train with respect to race

To get this out of the way, I love Infinity Train! It’s one of my favourite shows! I started writing fanfiction because of this show, and it still inspires me every day. 

I really do think that Infinity Train as a whole is a very thought provoking children’s show and I applaud it for exploring darker themes relevant to psychology and psychological well-being, which are topics often overlooked not just in children’s media but for adult media as well. However, I do want people to acknowledge some of its shortcomings, especially because it is a show that is dealing with such heavy and complex topics, and also positions its human characters as coming from a world which is pretty much a stand-in for our own.

Now I know that the storyboard artists for Infinity Train were quite diverse, but I don’t really know if it’s the same for the writer's room. The reason why is that as a POC viewer, it really does seem obvious to me from the way that the POC characters were written pre-season 4, that their race was mostly an afterthought.

Okay and to be perfectly clear, this is NOT A BAD THING. This is just a neutral thing. Obviously we don’t need every single story with POC characters to have to be about their experience as a specific racialized person. There are experiences that are shared among everybody no matter what race they are. I am not saying that you need to do super in-depth research into every single cultural nuance of every ethnic minority before writing them. It depends on if you really want to delve into how their heritage or traditions or specific life experiences inform their character arc. Not every character arc is about that. And it shouldn’t be!

With that being said, I do think that perhaps the writers should have tried to consider asking themselves very basic surface level questions on how being non-white would inform the problems and conflicts their characters would face. They don't need to know the ins and outs of each culture for each of their characters, but they could have just asked “How would I feel/react to others if people made weird assumptions about me based on my race? How differently would my parents raise me if they were afraid of prejudice or discrimination?” I think they should have reflected on that before setting in stone the backstories for their POC characters, especially with respect to Grace.

Part 1: GRACE'S PARENTS

So I am not Black myself, but I have had many conversations about Grace with one of my friends in fandom who is Black, and we both do get the sense that Grace’s race was very much just an afterthought to her characterization. To be clear, this is NOT because she has very wealthy parents. I am well aware that there are Black Americans with generational wealth. However, knowing what we know about affluent Black people in the real world, how Grace’s parents treated her makes absolutely no sense.

For example, among extremely wealthy people of any race, networking and knowing the right people is of the utmost importance. This is why so many rich people send their kids to prestigious private schools so their kids can get a heads start on knowing the progeny of other one-percenters. If you look up famous people with famous kids, chances are you’ll see a list of all of the very exclusive private academies that they all went to (looking at you, The Strokes). This is the case for wealthy people of all backgrounds, not just white people. And honestly, I imagine that the pressure is at least double for the kids of wealthy POC parents to get to know the right people as early as possible to be able to open as many doors as possible, in order to mitigate the inherent disadvantage of being a racialized person.

But what did Grace’s parents do? According to her, they never sent her to school of any kind, only having private tutors teach her, and her ballet instructor only made her join the other kids in her class once for a recital or something? This is, for lack of a better term... buck wild.

In addition, her parents are American diplomats. Diplomacy is an extremely people-oriented position. If anything, her parents would want her to not only be in the best private school, but to be the best student in school, to know the best people, to join the school clubs that all the other diplomats’ kids are in, and train her from a young age to be a social butterfly. Yes I know that diplomats will often leave their home country and be stationed somewhere else for long durations, and yes their kids could be taken out of school then, but some diplomats just enroll them in a different institution in the visiting country, or not take them out of school at all. This is what the IB Program was invented for, actually. Her parents being diplomats does not justify never enrolling Grace in school. In fact, it makes it less justifiable. 

The fact that they did the extreme opposite of that is so illogical to me that I wonder if perhaps the writers just cobbled together a whole bunch of tropes that they think apply to rich people without actually checking if any of it makes sense, doubly so for rich people who are non-white.

I think the reason why is because they wanted Grace’s parents to stifle her growth and her natural social skills, but on the Train, she can be who she truly is. I definitely agree that Grace finding herself and being able to truly blossom into the girlboss she is on the Train is a great plot point from a characterization perspective. However, I do not think that it should be because she was being stifled by her parents. The solution is staring the writers right in their face, but they can’t see it because it’s a blindspot for them.

What they should have gone with is: Grace's inability to become a social butterfly and a queen bee in her daily life is because she is a dark-skinned Black girl!!!

Her parents have extremely high expectations for her socially. They could have pushed her to make friends with kids she didn’t like just because they wanted to be on better terms with their parents for networking or diplomacy purposes – which they could have shown with that one girl from her ballet class. Missed opportunity! But no matter how hard Grace tries, she will never be seen as the perfect girl because of other people’s assumptions about her just based on her race. 

Once she’s on the Train, Grace then uses her people skills and finds that they’re a lot more effective there, because it’s no longer Earth’s society, it’s a different world, literally! Plus this even allows her to be a little bit more mean, a little bit more honest, something she wouldn’t be able to get away with in the real world without being punished for it harder than her white peers. We already see hints of this with how she interacts with Simon, a white guy who is the same age as her. 

CAVEAT: The dialogue where Grace reveals that she never went to school was something that she told Hazel in a private conversation. So it could be that she did go to school, but lied about it to seem more relatable to Hazel, who had never been around other kids before. Lying is in character for Grace because she would pretty much do anything to get on somebody’s good side. But the way that they had her voice actress deliver those lines, and the way that her expression changes when she talks about how lonely she was indicates that she was telling the truth. To be charitable, I suppose we can land on the reading that Grace told Hazel a half-truth. She did go to school, but she was frequently taken out of class or skipped semesters because of her parents’ jobs as diplomats. So her loneliness in that instant is at the very least truthful. Your mileage is going to vary on this interpretation of course.

This points to a weakness that I can sort of see in Infinity Train in general, where they push societal problems into purely the realm of personal failings. “It’s not because of society that Grace couldn’t succeed, it was solely due to her abusive parents” being just one example. 

Never forget this monologue from a Black father to his daughter in Scandal:

Part 2: JESSE'S ARC WAS PRETTY GOOD THOUGH

The thing is they actually did write a POC character having to deal with a problem that was society-oriented quite well, at least in my view. Although, I am still pretty sure it was still coming from a race-blind method of writing the characters. Otherwise I feel like Jesse’s status as an Indigenous American would have come up more than a grand total of one time. That they could do this well for Jesse makes the fact that they didn’t do the same for Grace quite disappointing. 

Jesse’s main issue that he had to overcome was he kept caving to peer pressure and had trouble saying no to others for fear of disappointment. Now, this problem is universal, and it’s not solely something that is specific to Jesse’s race or ethnicity or cultural background. In fact, I am quite certain that they wrote Jesse as a character without even considering that this problem he faces is relatable to POC experiences. But I definitely know a lot of POC in my life who do take on more responsibilities than they can manage, or feel a higher pressure to fit in with their peers. Hell, I’m that POC in many cases! It’s kind of like background radiation to us as minorities that we just have to do more emotional labour in order to be seen as equals. That’s just the reality of the situation. You can understand and relate to Jesse’s problem without being Indigenous/Native American, but at the same time it feels like a natural problem for him to have, because he is non-white!

I will admit that a personal blind spot of mine is I don't know and haven't had the chance to speak to too many Indigenous people, so there could be aspects of Jesse's arc that don't really make sense. If you are somebody who knows more than me, please feel free to correct me! I would love to hear how you felt about Jesse's characterization and arc as an Indigenous person!

Part 3: SEASON 4, THE ASIANS 

Alright now it's time to tackle stuff that I actually could have any ounce of authority talking about? Which is how they wrote Ryan and Min-Gi in Book 4. I myself am Asian-Canadian. Specifically, I am a first generation Chinese-Canadian but I've been in Canada since I was six so I find a lot of the experiences of second generation Asian-Canadians more relatable to me. In addition, my partner is fourth generation Japanese-Canadian, so his dad would be the same generation as Ryan's dad. (I also am really really into rock music, but that's besides the point.)

What they got right:

So first off, I could tell that they really did consult Asian people in writing this season, so good on them! The difference in how Ryan’s parents raised him in contrast to Min-Gi’s parents felt very natural and realistic to me. Ryan’s family is more westernized and has assimilated more into broader Canadian culture. 

The fact that Ryan has an English name and not a Japanese name immediately shows that. Min-Gi’s parents not choosing an English name for him is a bit of a surprise; very few Asian immigrants go without an English name back in the 20th century. Even nowadays it’s extremely common for us to go by English or Western names that we, or our parents chose, instead of names in our native language. But there are good reasons to not choose an English name. Perhaps Min-Gi’s parents wanted him to have a closer tie to his Korean roots, or perhaps if they travelled back to Korea to visit family it would be easier for them. 

Also, Min-Gi’s parents not supporting his dream of becoming a musician and want him to get a stable job in… I think it was finance? Definitely true back then as it is today. I’m not entirely sure how Ryan’s parents feel about his life choices, and we’ll get into that later.

The character arcs for Ryan and Min-Gi are excellent. This dichotomy of wanting to do the good, responsible thing that your parents want for you because they want you to have the best chance at a good life, and doing what your heart tells you to do, is an extremely relevant character arc. It’s a life decision that is not just an Asian thing, but something anybody can relate to. However, in East Asian cultures that were generally influenced by Confucianism, which includes both Korean and Japanese culture, upholding your duty as a child to not disappoint your parents in any way is something that Asian cultures are prone to emphasizing to a great degree. We see this in other media centered on the Asian immigrant experience as well, such as Kim’s Convenience, Turning Red, and Everything Everywhere All At Once.

What was a bit puzzling to me:

So I'll start off with the thing that definitely raised many many eyebrows if you were an East Asian or Southeast Asian watching the show: Why were Min-Gi's parents so friendly with Ryan's parents when they're Korean and Ryan's family is Japanese?!

So like, not to bring politics into it but… World War II happened. It affected, you know, the world and stuff. And in the Pacific Theatre (god I hate that term), the Imperial Japanese Army… invaded Korea?? Among many other countries??? And did a bunch of war crimes?????

Like, Japan was invading other countries well before WWII even started… This is common knowledge… for Asian people that is.

Yeah I know what you're gonna say. “But Ryan's family is Japanese-Canadian!! They wouldn't have done those war crimes! They would have been sent to internment camps!” Yeah dude, I know! My partner is Japanese-Canadian, remember?! And even if I didn't know him, we learned about the internment camps in history class. It's pretty common knowledge among progressives in Canada and the US. George Takei did a whole musical about it. 

But that's not how racism works. I can speak from personal experience that the scars of WWII trauma in Chinese and Korean communities run deep. Even my own parents needed a bit of convincing to be okay with me dating my partner, and my parents were born two decades after WWII ended. My partner said that one time when he and his grandmother got into an elevator with an elderly Korean woman, and at first she was friendly, but once she realized they were of Japanese descent, the elevator ride became deathly silent afterwards. 

So when you have Min-Gi’s parents, who were probably born during or slightly after WWII, immigrate to Canada, and then be like… totally okay and hunky dory pals with Ryan’s parents just because their kids were born the same day in the same hospital…? I mean sure, anything can happen. But it definitely speaks to how abnormally accepting, forgiving, and welcoming Min-Gi’s parents are. 

To be clear, this isn’t something that pulled me out of the experience, personally. Yes, it is strange, but it’s not impossible for a Korean family to be super okay and friends with a Japanese family. Maybe it’s because their small town has very few Asians and so they have to stick together due to solidarity or something. Maybe Min-Gi’s parents are the type of Christians that believe in the inherent goodness of everyone and giving everyone a chance. Maybe they are just extremely progressive and see Ryan’s family as Canadian more than Japanese (highly unlikely), or they know about the internment camps and that was enough to get over their biases toward them (also unlikely). I dunno, anything can happen.

The other thing that bugged me was that they really didn’t explore Ryan’s relationship with his family to the same depth as Min-Gi’s relationship with his family. 

They already set up the contrast of like, you have an immigrant who is more connected to their cultural background, and a third generation descendent who is less connected, and more alienated from his cultural background. That kind of stuff can really weigh on you as somebody who is a minority. You feel like you simultaneously aren’t Canadian enough because you aren’t white, and that you’re not enough of your cultural background because you had to assimilate, or were forced to assimilate. 

Yes it makes sense why Ryan would throw himself into his music, and be disconnected from his family. But they didn’t take the time to really explore why he is that way. Ryan barely talks about his family except randomly mentioning that they don’t care what he does with his life. I don’t even know if that really makes sense that they don’t care what he does? Maybe Ryan thinks they don’t care, but his assumption is wrong? Either way they don’t explore this point that much. Even if his parents were more assimilated they would still care if Ryan had a non-standard job, such as being a musician. There is a gap between Ryan and his family/parents that was alluded to, but not explored. Feeling like you come from two worlds but not neatly fitting into either is so quintessential to the immigrant experience of Canadians (and also Americans) it’s a shame they only paid lip service to it. 

I mentioned in a different post that Ryan would be monolingual while Min-Gi would be bilingual, and how this could cause tension between them. I imagine Ryan definitely feels inferior to Min-Gi in that sense of loss and disconnect with his heritage, just as Min-Gi is jealous that he feels he doesn't have the freedom to pursue his musical career in the same way that Ryan can. This is all stuff that can take a psychological toll on people, and is something which the Train as a metaphor for therapy should have been primed to tackle. But unfortunately we didn't really get that.

There is a term among the Chinese Diaspora known as “Hollow Bamboo (竹杠)” or “Rising Bamboo (竹升)” [more info]. It's an insult tossed at kids of Chinese ethnicity from judgemental adults for being unable to read/write Chinese or who cannot speak Mandarin/Cantonese/other Chinese languages fluently because they've been “too westernized”. They say we “look Chinese, but are hollow inside, like bamboo.” I don't know if there are equivalent terms for other Asian diaspora/immigrant communities but there must be. This term is controversial, and in my own opinion very unfair, because it blames the kids for this loss of cultural identity when there are so many different factors at play that makes them lose it, all of them outside of their own control. 

Again, I think this is a blindspot from the writers just not understanding how much this loss of cultural identity is such an integral part of the experience of being an immigrant, and that it's not only felt in first or second generation Asian-Canadians, but also third or fourth generation, and beyond. It's scary to go out there and redefine what your culture means to you, and how to pass it on to the next generation.

CONCLUSION

So there you have it, a summary of the strengths and the weaknesses in Infinity Train as it pertains to writing about racialized characters. Just want to restate that a lot of what I pointed out is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things and I do overall think the writing is solid. I am not going into this to say that I expected the writers to do a good job, because generally my expectations for media and pop culture to portray POCs respectfully is quite low. At least they didn’t fall back on tired stereotypes, which is a low bar to clear, but it is where the bar still is these days.

If on the off chance Infinity Train does get uncancelled and renewed for more seasons, I hope they take these lessons and craft better narratives for their POC characters. Maybe hire some more non-white writers while you’re at it!

[azure-firecracker]

the x files of course!! AND a fandom you want to do and/or think I would enjoy 🫶🏽

Aah thank you💚💚💚

TXF

Favorite female character: Scully the absolute love of my life! An icon. She will murder you with wit and science and a glare. She’s also the most protective person you’ll ever meet. She’s loyal to a fault and rational to an even greater fault, but also both of these save her (and Mulder) over and over. She’s nuanced. She’s sassy. She’s hilarious. She’s a badass. She breaks my heart. Character of all time.

Favorite male character: Mulder the absolute puppy of a man that he is. He has trauma. His self preservation skills are nonexistent. He would die for the truth but he will live for Scully. No one carries more love in their heart than this man. He almost dies every episode. He’s a genius. And an idiot. And a lover. And a fighter. But really mostly a lover if he didn’t have *trauma* I adore him!

Favorite Season: Season 5 could theoretically take this but for now still Season 2! In all its raw soap opera love story type glory. This is the season of desperate hand holding, of racing through the dark after one another and screaming into the night, of pulling each other back from Hell and undying loyalty in the face of unspeakable horrors. It’s desperate embraces and collapsing into each others arms and gloom and new love and every emotion is at level 100. Season 2 you will always be special to me.

Favorite Episode: I have two! One is Irresistible (which I have talked about extensively on here), and the other is Demons (which I will talk about extensively on here). You can see my love for angst and hurt/comfort and rescues lol (and you can find my thoughts on both episodes in my masterpost!) In many ways I think these episodes mirror each other, and they sort of form an episode quartet along with Unruhe and Anasazi. But that’s a topic for another post.

Favorite Cast Member: Gillian Anderson!

My favorite ship: “Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you” “Scully, you are the only one I trust” MSR my beloved.

A Character I’d Die Defending: Fun fact Dana Scully has done nothing wrong ever actually all of her skepticism is valid and she’s a perfect human being.

A Character I Just Can’t Sympathize With: I don’t care if he’s a failed writer or whatever CSM is just an asshole and (hot take) not that entertaining to watch.

A Character I Grew to Love: Skinner! He started out lowkey boring, but I quickly was like “ooh he’s cool I like him” and then he got really interesting and nuanced (much more so than I anticipated).

My Anti OTP: I once saw a Scully/Krycek fic. That man had a hand in her abduction. No.

I think you’d probably like Buffy the Vampire Slayer if you haven’t seen it already (I’ve only seen 4 seasons but it’s always a fun rewatch for me)

Favorite female character: I have two! First is Faith who follows my trend of evil girls who are really just misunderstood and have never been loved. She was also my first real character crush! Second is Willow, who I just relate to a lot as a witchy lesbian nerd, and I want to give her a hug whenever she’s on screen and she’s so lovable and so layered and I love her very much.

Favorite male character: Probably Giles. I have a soft spot for parental figures and his relationship with Buffy is so sweet and layered and complex. Also he’s just an awkward British librarian who’s way too attached to a group of teenagers and I love that about him.

Favorite Season: Season 3! As dark as Season 2 but less melodramatic, plus Faith is there being hot and gay and evil! It’s not a perfect season but over half of these episodes are excellent.

Favorite Episode: Oh I’m not sure since it’s been a hot sec since I watched the show. I LOVED This Year’s Girl/Who Are You from Season 4, even though the season isn’t that great. I also love Five by Five from the spin-off Angel, if only for the ending scene.

Favorite Cast Member: Charisma Carpenter! I won’t get too into it here and I don’t know everything but she did some very brave things by speaking out against the show’s creators and I admire that.

Favorite Ship: Willow and Tara have my heart, but Faith and Buffy are SO fun! It’s a tie.

A Character I’d Die Defending: I won’t say Faith since I’ve already talked about her a lot. Instead I’ll go with Cordelia, who went through a lot of growth (especially if you watch her on Angel), and her growth was often unacknowledged by the show itself. Justice for my girl!

A Character I Just Can’t Sympathize With: This is ONLY about Buffy and not Angel, but I got SO sick of Angel by the time season 3 ended. He just sat there and was emo. I ran out of patience for him. He was great on Angel though (they let him do things besides mope and brood).

A Character I Grew to Love: Buffy! At first I thought she was sort of just a generic protagonist with some teen girl fun sprinkled in, but she’s got so many layers to her character and her fun is sprinkled with a real gravity that’s sort of a heartbreaking back and forth when you realize how young she is. I’ve also come to relate to her a lot more as I’ve gotten older, and the more I do, the more I like her.

My Anti OTP: Remember that time they tried to make Xander and Willow a thing? No? Me neither.

Ty for the ask:)

[kimberlyannharts]

LAST TIME ON MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS: THE RETURN: Depressed milf Kim just got finished traumadumping onto Trini's relative Selena about all the shit that happened on the Moon 22 years ago, just to find out that this wasn't Trini's relative at all, but some mysterious white-haired witch out for revenge???? I guess it makes sense it would never be the simpler option. MMPR: The Return #3!

= So here's the reveal of the dialogue that was blacked out in the previews! Selena Repulsa, the daughter of Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd, is official! There's something very funny about the fact that she didn't even use a fake name for her Kwan family disguise. She heard Sylvia had an S name and was like sweet, I can just play the alliteration card

= I mentioned before in the first issue that this series was already discussing the topic of secret identities in a more nuanced way than the main series' "Zordon is a tyrant for having rules" strategy so I'm happy that's being continued here. YES public use of the powers can be used for good in society but ALSO it can make it really, really, REALLY easy for your enemies to pick you off the street

= also UNCLE HOWARD SPOTTED

= YEAH BABY

= Selena is hilarious btw. YOU BUILT A BOMB AND ARE SURPRISED IT KILLED PEOPLE?

= this is Dungeon Meshi

= I already made the Paul Dano does he know?.png joke but I can't help it. It's too perfect. Alternatively: Kimberly Hart Dreamworks Face

= Zedd is noticeably less involved in this story than Rita is (as per the usual with BOOM books, admittedly) but I do like how this plan still uses him in some way. Part of me is still curious as to what Dad Zedd would have been like, though

= she's meditating, guys she's died

= he was literally born to be a girl dad and the fact that his "main universe" child is a son makes me fucking sick

= also off-subject but I see the occasional comment about how the civilian forms for these flashbacks look too young and it's like.....guys. They're only 22. If anything, drawing them like how they looked on the show is ACCURATE to their age, considering how old the actors themselves were when they were on the show kjdkfjdkfjd and anyway Dino Thunder lied to you. Tommy would absolutely be wearing tank tops as an adult. Those long sleeves were the devil's work

= I still say I don't want to get attached to any theory about Tommy and whether or not he'll end up alive but Rita seeming to be aware that he saved her daughter and getting his attention before doing the spell...........that's probably going to be important

= You guys don't understand how much I need the scene where Tommy and Kim discovered she was pregnant and the conversations they had afterwards. Every "ranger kid" story has been so bad about "what does the parent think about their kids one day inheriting their ranger powers" and The Return is the one closest to understanding this is a very logical and rational conversation to have!!!!!!!

= also Olivia was 100% unplanned this i just the vibe i get. And props to my gender-inclusive king Tommy Oliver

= "no more Power Rangers.......except my daughter who's COOL as FUCK"

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Last Twilight - final thoughts

Well, this isn't a fraught topic at all today, lol.

Normally I wait a bit longer before writing about my final thoughts, but I have a lot spinning in my mind right now and want to get it out.

Disclaimer - this is just my subjective opinion. I cannot speak to having a disability like Day or a trauma like Mhok.

To start, overall I greatly enjoyed this show. The acting was fantastic, the story was compelling, the romance was romancing. I do have some mixed feelings about the last few episodes. I know some people liked it! I know some people feel very let down. But I hope we can all use this as a chance for respectful discussion.

Disability representation and how we talk about it

One thing I do think it is important to remember, is that the disability experience is extremely different for different people. And there are a number of people with disabilities who are working on recovery, or looking into options for reducing the impact of their disability. This can be a very controversial thing. One example is the Deaf community, and the very different perspectives on things like cochlear implants.

As we talk about Last Twilight, of course people can disagree with how the story went, or the timing of events. But I would caution people from saying that Day's experience as a blind man is meaningless, or that the story was pointless, because he regained his sight in the end. Because that can be a very invalidating thing for people who have been through similar experiences.

To me? It honestly felt realistic for Day to get another donation. He's wealthy and privileged. He also had gained a sense of contentment while still blind, and knew he could live a good life that way. And I think all of his past experiences still mattered, because it was part of his journey to being who he was at the end.

Do I also want more representation of people with disabilities, in all ways, shapes, and forms, living amazing lives and kicking ass? Hell yeah!

Day's mother

I've written a bit about my feelings on Day's mom before, so I'm not going to go in depth. I did see some people saying this was about culture, and that she was acting in accordance to how a lot of parents would in her situation, who are a part of that culture. I don't disagree with that. My issue is that she started at point A, she was suddenly at point B, and we saw nothing of how she got from A to B.

I do think, in terms of disability representation, showing more of her journey in accepting Day's autonomy would have been worthwhile.

Day & Mhok's relationship

This is where I have more of a struggle with this show. To be clear, I don't think Day is a villain, and I understand how terrified he was of being seen as lesser by the person he loved. I don't even have an issue with a breakup, just some of the aspects of it.

A lot of what happened felt rushed for these past two episodes. I may have felt better about it if there was more space to dip into nuance. Considering how the time was spent in earlier episodes, this was so fast paced.

I mostly have an issue with Mhok being treated as 100% responsible for their break up - and for him apologizing and thanking Day for doing it.

I used to actually professionally train people in Conflict Navigation, and I've spent a lot of time with people on some of the key components when successfully dealing with conflict.

Btw, we deliberately didn't call it Conflict Resolution, because a lot of conflicts don't get resolved. And that's ok! It's learning how to work within them, if you want to maintain a relationship.

But a really important part of resolution is that both parties need to understand the role they played in what happened. It's not fun or comfortable, but it's an essential piece to moving through it.

And I get that Day & Mhok were both young, so not having the best approach to conflict at that time makes sense. Day being impulsive makes sense. (Though I maintain that scene should have had a few more minutes to it).

But when they are back in the same space, (after Day blocking Mhok's contact for 3 years, yikes?), when they have both grown and matured, and yet Mhok takes all the blame for what happened back then - to me, this reads as the setup of a relationship where Day will get mad, and Mhok will continue to take full responsibility to keep things smooth.

And honestly, it again feels infantalizing of Day to say that because he is the one with the disability, he was the one who was 100% correct in everything that he did. If he is going to be treated as a fully independent autonomous person, that means accepting the role he played in what happened. His perspective was valid, he still has to own his piece of their relationship falling apart, and him doing nothing to address it in any other kind of way before going straight to breaking up.

Again, not saying Day was wrong. I'm saying for a healthy future relationship, he needs to own his part in things, and not just agree that Mhok was the problem.

Privilege and status

My final quibble is that the early episodes did such a good job of showing how Mhok and Day were both in disadvantaged situations - of very different kinds, but it was a connector between them. Mhok was struggling due to his status as someone from a poor background, and his status as an ex-con. The way he and his sister fought to make ends meet after the parents passing away, and then the trauma of his experience of losing his sister. The struggle to find work, to be seen as worthy, as someone who is still a part of society regardless of having been to prison.

But this all slipped away through the story, until at the end the only thing that mattered was Day and his journey. Which was important! But Mhok had his own journey, and it matters. His trauma was significant, and it deserved more than being treated as an excuse for Day to leave him.

Final final thoughts

Oof, ok, needed to get that out! I think a big part of why I disliked Mhok being fully blamed is that I just love the guy so damn much. If only men like that really existed, lol.

But what incredible acting by Sea & Jimmy, they worked so hard. I adored Night & Porjai as side characters, and now very much want a one shot spinoff of their honeymoon, where they stumble on to a secret spy meetup and shenanigans ensue.

P'Aof is a very talented director, and there were some great visuals in this show. I've never seen such erotic hand touching in my life.

Well, at least it never gets boring in BL land!