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loggiepj · 22 hours

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illicit affairs

part 2 | part 3

YOU'D be a fool trying to convince yourself that Wanda was just some old hag sleeping on your bed that night. But god, she had never looked so peaceful and gorgeous than that very moment, as she was ten years ago. You didn't even know it was possible for someone to look so beautiful, it looked like a crime. As if the gods above blessed only those who were cruel. And cursed those who worshipped them.

Her creamy white legs were exposed from the blanket wrapped around her body. Her tiny soft snores filled the room as she buried herself deep into the pillows. It would take days before her scent would be gone from your sanctuary.

It tore you apart to look at her and feel these forbidden emotions, mad at yourself for feeling this way towards the old woman. You should hate her. You should have kicked her out for what she did.

You decided to go to the kitchen and make something for breakfast instead, preoccupying yourself from worrying too much, that the one nightmare you had always have had come true.

Even your hands were shaking as you beat down the eggs into a bowl, it was a miracle you had managed to cook food. The bacon almost ended up burnt when you jumped from her sudden presence in the kitchen.

"You're awake," you said, ignoring Wanda's gaze on you, her eyes glistening with a recognizable look. You knew that look. She used to look at you that way when you were wearing nothing but her white button down shirt as you made her a quick midnight snack whenever the twins weren't around. But that was ten years ago.

You don't feel anything for the woman anymore, right?

"I made us breakfast," you said before she opened her mouth to speak, stopping her. "You should eat first before you leave."

Wanda took small steps towards the dining table, looking at the food you made her. You wondered if she was touched, remembering how Wanda preferred scrambled eggs more than sunny side ups. But you convinced yourself you didn't do it for her. Because that would make you a martyr.

"This is good," Wanda softly said as you two began to eat in silence. You forced a small smile her way and went back eating.

"I haven't had breakfast like this for ages," she admitted, chuckling. "The boys mostly want cereals for breakfast, I ended up liking them, especially those colorful sweet ones, the . . . I forgot what they were called."

"Froot Loops?"

The skin around her eyes crinkled when she smiled. "Yes, Froot Loops. I swear I'd end up having diabetes one day."

You nodded, chugging down what remained of your coffee as you avoided the woman's gaze.

"What are your plans today? It's a Saturday," the brunette added. "The twins are planning to shop around Chinatown before the classes start. You might even have ideas where to-"

"I can't," you answered, "sorry, I am meeting someone today."

"Oh," she went on, a teasing smirk on her face, "a girlfriend?"

Your fork made a noise as you let it fall down your plate. "What do you want, Miss Maximoff?"

Wanda's smile immediately vanished as she stopped eating. "I . . . I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I didn't mean to pry if you have someone special-"

"No, I mean, what do you want? Why are you here? What were you thinking looking for me, for you to end up inside a sketchy bar?"

Wanda bit back a sob as she looked at you, her hand slipping to hold yours across the table. You tensed and abruptly took it away, ended up with her curling hers into a fist.

"I am so sorry, Y/n," she began, "I'm so sorry for what I did all those years ago, for what I said to you, for being so cruel. I . . . I have to live everyday regretting everything I have said to you. You didn't deserve those things. You were nothing but good to me, and I took you for granted. I . . . I just . . . miss you. I miss you, Y/n. There isn't a day in my life since you left that I haven't thought of you."

You scoffed, standing up as you began cleaning the dishes.

You heard the scraping of her chair against the floor as she stood. "I looked for you. After your graduation, I looked for you. I wanted to take back everything I said. I didn't mean those things. If I could only turn back time, I'd go back to that very day and I should've kissed you and chose you-"

"But you can't," you butted in as you turned to glance at the hysteric woman before you, "turn back the time, I mean."

Wanda was panting softly as her teary eyes stared right at you. She shook her head as she said, "No, I can't."

"That's unfortunate, then," you said back coldly.

Wanda swallowed, still frozen on her spot, and before she'd burst into more tears in your apartment, you went towards the doorway, grabbed your coat and keys. "I'm just gonna grab some coffee. Your clothes are freshly laundered in the bathroom if you want to freshen up before leaving. Please don't forget to lock the door when you leave."

"Y/n—" But you haven't heard the end of it as you closed the door.

Luckily, Wanda wasn't there when you went back home two hours after. But once you had ensured the whole apartment was empty, you broke down and cried.

TIME and absence would surely heal a wound. A couple of months had passed since that dreary encounter and you swore there were a few days when you had completely forgotten about Wanda. That was until you received a call late Friday night when you had only just arrived in your apartment.

It was a nurse from a nearby private hospital, saying that Tommy got into an accident. Before you argued why you were in his contacts in the first place, you drove to the hospital to visit.

Apparently, Tommy got into a fight in one of the fraternity parties he and his friends attended. With broken nose, cut lip and fractured arm, Tommy almost looked unrecognizable.

"Sorry, Y/n," Tommy said when he saw you enter the emergency room, "I didn't know who else to call. And I don't want to worry Mom-"

"It's okay, Tommy. Are you okay? What happened?"

And as you listened to Tommy and the nurse who attended to him, your breathing quickened, your hand hovering over the phone in your jean's pocket. Hesitant to call his mother, even if you knew you had to. Seeing the brunette was the last thing you wanted to do. But this was her son. Your feelings should come last.

Instead of calling the woman, you ended up sending her a short text message, to which she replied instantly, saying that she was already on her way.

You were getting a cup of coffee from a vending machine outside the hospital when Wanda arrived, hearing her voice inside the emergency room.

You decided to sit on the bench by the waiting area, thinking whether you should leave them or stay. You must have fallen asleep on your seat for a few minutes when you felt someone sit beside you.

"Thank you for being there for him," Wanda said.

"How's Tommy?"

"He's under some meds right now for the pain, but the doctor says he's going to be fine."

"That's good," you said.

"There's no available private room at the moment, so he has no choice but to stay in a ward with other patients," she went on, massaging her head. "Doctor said he'll likely be discharged tomorrow or the day after that."

"If you want, you can sleep in my apartment, take a bath or such, while waiting for him to get discharged," you offered. And you had no idea where such sympathy came from.

There was even a short moment where her eyes were at your mouth before she looked back at you.

"I don't want to impose—"

"Wanda, it's fine," you insisted. "For Tommy."

She nodded. "Thank you."

YOU VISITED Tommy in the ward first before leaving, while waiting for Wanda to finish filling up the papers in the hospital's admission room.

"You going to be fine alone?"

"I can manage," he replied, chuckling, showing off his cast.

"Will your father visit?"

The smile on his face disappeared, his fingers playing on the tape around his wrist. "Dad does not visit us often anymore. And I hardly believe he cared for us anyway, now that he has another family of his own."

That was news to you.

"I always tell Mom to find someone so she wouldn't end up alone," he went on, his eyes at the window where you two could see Wanda busy writing. "But she never remarried after Dad, maybe it was because she never trusts men like Dad anymore. But it's been years, you know. I know she's too scared to admit it, but I know she's lonely at home now that me and Billy are in college."

Your eyes were on Wanda as she talked to the Doctor. "I'm sure she'll find someone in the right time."

He laughed softly, making you look at him. "Come to think of it, they got divorced years ago, months after we didn't see you at the house anymore. There was one time Billy thought you were the other woman Dad has been cheating with. But I know you're not that bad of a person."

You stiffened. "You mean, they'd been divorced that long?"

Tommy hummed. "Yes, ten years ago, I guess. We eventually found out who the other woman was. Good thing we didn't curse you by mistake."

You forced to laugh at his joke, but your mind was running in deep circles wondering if the divorce really had something to do with you.

"COME on, don't be shy," your friend Steve invited Wanda, who looked as shocked as you were. "Any friend of Y/n is a friend of ours."

Somehow, when Wanda was returning the clothes you lent to her that time Tommy was hospitalized, there you were in your apartment with your friends, who held a surprised farewell party for Bucky, who was leaving for London the next day. As if Wanda knew perfect timing.

Kate hadn't left your side, even sitting between you just to eradicate any weirdness. The group's conversation went from talking about everyone's jobs, making Wanda let out her plans she was starting a flower shop business in New York and that she had just bought a spot particularly two blocks from the university. You tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and convinced yourself she was only doing that to be closer to her boys. But you knew better.

Even Kate faked a laugh as she held another toast for the woman. "What about a special someone, Miss Maximoff? I heard you were divorced. Anyone you're meeting at the moment?"

Wanda's eyes met yours for a second before you looked away and drank whatever was left from your bottle of beer.

"No," she answered, chuckling. "I think I'm too old for that stuff anyway."

Bucky chortled. "No way you're old, Miss. If you want, I can set you up with people I know from work. I might even be successful on setting you up than Y/n here, whom I've failed a number of times."

"Why?" Wanda asked curiously.

Kate tried to stop Bucky. "Bucky, just give it a rest—"

"Oh, Y/n here has unknown high standards," Bucky enthusiastically added. "Believe me when dozens had gone down on their knees and Y/n has respectfully refused any advances."

"Shut up," you said, laughing, although you could tell Wanda's eyes never left yours all night long.

WHEN the party ended, all of the attendees slowly started to leave the apartment until there was only you and Wanda. Wanda helped you clean up the place, starting with throwing the empty boxes of pizza and bottles of beers into the trash bag.

"Y/n." Wanda broke the silence. Chappell Roan's casual was playing through the speakers.

"Mm?"

"Is it true?"

You stopped putting the dishes into the dishwasher to look at her. "Is what true?"

There was a small pause before she went on. "Have I ruined you for anyone else?"

You straighten your posture, frustrated as you glared back at her. "How dare you?"

"Then tell me," she challenged, approaching you with a sly smile on her face. "It's an easy question answerable by yes or no. Tell me."

"You infuriate me!"

"That's not a no—"

"You're nothing but a pathetic old slut who craves attention from someone who doesn't want her anymore!"

"Admit it then!" She leaned forward, closer to your face, her nostrils flaring. "Say it to my face that you don't feel anything for me anymore and I'll leave you alone for good! Tell me—"

You pushed your mouth against hers, effectively stopping Wanda from talking. She gasped upon the impact, with her back hitting the wall behind her from the force. And she welcomed you with as much aggression, her hands cupping your face to hold you.

With your arms on each side of her head, you pressed your bodies together, molding against each other. Her tongue played with yours, tasting what had been missed, wondering if each one of you were still as desperate as you were ten years ago.

"Y/N!" she moaned loudly a couple of minutes later as you pulled her hair, while roughly pistoning your strap into her from behind.

You had never thought you'd be able to do it. But there you were in your own bedroom with the woman you both loathed and loved so much on all fours before you. And it was driving you insane.

Mind filled with rage and lust, you tried to forget that this woman before you was the cause of your downfall. You tried to forget she hurt you, broke your heart to pieces as if you were nothing. Basking in the moment, you harshly grabbed the skin of her hips, nails digging, as you repeatedly and relentlessly pushed into her warm dripping entrance.

The tip of your strap hit your clit at the right angle, making you roll your eyes to the back of your head. And when you heard Wanda's whimpers before you, your hand slipped through her back then held her shoulder as you fastened the pace.

The brunette screamed as her body convulsed in waves, shuddering as she came. If it weren't for you holding her upright, she would've fallen straight face down on the sheets.

But her cumming didn't stop you from chasing your relief. The sweet nectar from her release dripping down both your thighs only made the action slippery and noisy.

"Y/n. . . ," Wanda moaned, her hand attempting to hold you back but you slapped her hand away before leaning forward as you held both of her hands behind her back. This rendered Wanda's face flat against the pillow before her, muffling her moans.

"Is this what you want, huh?" you demanded, eyes almost in tears seeing Wanda and pretending you weren't just loving every moment that was happening right now. "Is this what you want from me?"

"Yes!" she screamed, gasping when you spanked one of her butt cheeks. "Yes! Y/n! You're all I want! You're all I've ever wanted!"

And that snapped something inside you. The coil in your stomach exploded, making you press your front into her back as you lay on top of her.

"Wanda," you moaned into her neck, your hips stuttering as you came. She held your face behind her as your body shook.

"I got you, Y/n," she cooed softly as you panted, still trembling above her. "I got you."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I truly appreciate your continued support in reading my stories. You can help me create more stories by supporting my writing thru this link. Thank you so much ❤🥰

#wanda maximoff #elizabeth olsen x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda angst #elizabeth olsen #angst

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cottonlemonade · 20 hours

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crush!Meian who you always see around the grocery store because you have a similar schedule. You go for a lot of the same items and the annoying chore of grocery shopping soon becomes his favorite day of the week.

crush!Meian who always hurries to the bread section for his favorite only to see you toss the last bag of it into your cart, shooting him a wide grin and peace sign.

hopeless crush!Meian who doesn’t remember how to be cool and suave when eventually he reaches the aisle at the same time as you and you both go for the last bread and he pulls back telling you to have it.

“Oh. Why?”, you asked in surprise.

Because you touched it first, he thought.

“Because I’m in love with you.”, he said.

new boyfriend!Meian who brings you every single ointment the pharmacy has to offer when you cut your finger during cooking. He lays out six different tubes and explains that they are for different stages of healing when you interrupt him with a kiss as Thank You.

new boyfriend!Meian who cannot and will not keep his hands to himself when you’re even somewhat close by. Your love handles and pudgy thighs are his absolute favorite.

long term boyfriend!Meian who can’t stop smiling when he watches you getting ready for a date or waiting for him on the couch after training, everything prepared to continue the show you’re both obsessed with and kiss the stress of the day away. He will 100% rest his head on your tummy while you play with his hair.

long term boyfriend!Meian who practices his proposal speech in front of the mirror several times, not realizing that the bathroom door has been open the whole time, and when he comes out, you tell him sweetly that version four was your favorite as you fix his tie.

newlywed husband!Meian who forgets everything to do with volleyball in the post-game interviews, because he is too busy scanning the crowd for you. In his honeymoon phase he is a PR nightmare because all he wants to talk about is his wife. Any excuse to bring up his wife. Ask him about his thoughts on his opponent and he will somehow mention his wife.

newlywed husband!Meian who was once asked, “What, in your opinion, is your greatest accomplishment to date?” and everything the captain could think of was, “My wife recently taught me how to air flip pancakes and I did it on the third try.”

a/n: I am watching Love Next Door and the ointment scene was too cute not to use!

#meian shugo #meian x chubby reader #meian x reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #chubby reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x curvy reader #haikyuu msby #msby black jackal #hq msby #msby x reader

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mrsunder · 2 days

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Ever since I made that post about Alone with the little joke about him being Ghoap baby I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Like imagine Soap (who isn't dead because fuck activision) finding this hulking monster while doing zombie clean up and thinking it's Ghost at first but Laswell swears up and down (and even shows him proof) that Ghost is safe. After he sees his own familiar tattoo and the unmoving arm he thought was just shadowed behind its back was actually darker skinned... he realizes what it is and is both SUPER PISSED and hesitant.

He knows what these monsters can do… but he can't bring himself to kill Ghost even if it's not actually him. He'd never sleep again if he had to put a bullet between Ghost's eyes himself. (he didn't think about the arms, didn't want to think too hard about what they were trying to do that resulted in a three headed monster and signs of the entire 141 on its body) So he just sits down in the room he found it in, stays close and lets the thing engage first while trying to be as little of a threat as possible. (It's the STUPIDEST thing he's ever done and Ghost absolutely tell him that as loudly as possible when they eventually meet up again) It takes a while, but when it sees his tattoo and realizes they share a mark on their skin Alone decides that Soap is clearly Like Him and now Soap has his very own Giant Murder Child. He goes back to the 141 because he can't keep doing what he's doing while also trying to care for Alone with just the hands off help Laswell can provide and the only reason they have a Calm Discussion and they don't all throttle him for faking his death is because said murder child doesn't quite understand different levels of violence and would just assume they're attacking him. It obviously takes a while for them to really get behind having Alone around (especially Ghost for REALLY OBVIOUS REASONS) but eventually they all realize he's got some kind of humanity in him. He was able to be taught to use a gun and doesn't just run around killing everyone he gets his hands on like the other monsters they were shown after Soap's return. While he has issues speaking because of damage to his body and how the side heads attach to the main one, they're able to teach him to read, write, and how to use BSL. It's slow going, but they make progress. Soap retires to a nice secluded place after a while so he can dedicate more time to helping Alone. Ghost follows along behind him because he's not going to let Johnny out of his sight ever again. (Price and Gaz visit often because Ghost wasn't the only one waking up from nightmares of Soap's "death") Alone will be as close to a fully functional person as he can be (what with the multiple heads, arms, random body jerking, and being a literal monster making it a bit hard to just go get a normal 9 to 5). He just needs to be taught what he missed because he was "born" fully grown. He'd probably either take up Soap's place with Laswell and get to go happily rip zombie heads off or join Kortac because they make a him a damn good offer (and if he threatens to tear out the throat of anyone that so much as looks at the 141 wrong, well that's just between him and his fellow operators).

#call of duty #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #Alone (cod operator)#alone doesn't speak because i couldn't find voicelines for him #so now he gets to learn sign language

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amirasainz · 23 hours

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Can you please do reader is Charles and Alexandra ex but they are obsessed with her and can’t believe she dumped them, they trying to get her back but she’s moved on. Maybe only if your comfortable do Charles and Alex dark?

Alright, so this is my first time writing something dark. I hope I did a good job. Pease keep in ind that this is just a story for entertainement and nothing about this is real.

Enjoy reading and send me some requests!!!

-XoXo

In the grip of obsession

The room was spinning, a dull throb pulsing at the back of Y/N’s head. Her eyelids were heavy, her limbs weak and uncooperative. Darkness surrounded her, but as her senses slowly returned, she realized she wasn’t in the club anymore. She wasn’t anywhere familiar.

The cold, sterile scent of the room mingled with the faint smell of expensive cologne. Panic crept in as she tried to move, her body betraying her as her muscles refused to respond. Her wrists felt raw, tightly bound behind her back. She could feel soft silk pressed against her skin, but the comfort of the fabric was overshadowed by the hard chair beneath her.

Slowly, Y/N forced her eyes open, squinting against the dim light filtering in from a nearby window. Shadows danced across the room, but through the haze of confusion, one thing became terrifyingly clear—she was not alone.

"Finally awake, mon amour?" a voice broke the silence, soft but with an undercurrent of dangerous obsession.

Charles.

Her heart dropped into her stomach as her eyes darted around the room, finally landing on him. He stood by the window, his silhouette illuminated by the streetlights outside, his piercing eyes locked onto her. His usual boyish charm was gone, replaced by something darker, more unhinged.

"You shouldn’t have gone out," came another voice from the corner of the room, this one softer but no less menacing. Alexandra stepped into the light, her arms crossed as she studied Y/N like a predator watching its prey. "You knew better than that."

Y/N's mouth was dry, her throat burning as she tried to speak, but all that came out was a ragged whisper, "W-what... What is this?"

Charles walked toward her, crouching in front of her chair. His face, usually so handsome and full of life, was twisted with something she could only describe as obsession. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. She flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice—or maybe he didn’t care.

"This," he whispered, "is where you belong."

Her heart pounded in her chest as the realization set in. This wasn’t a nightmare she could wake up from. This was real.

"Why are you doing this?" Y/N's voice was shaky, fear creeping into every word. She tugged at the ropes binding her hands, but they didn’t give.

"You broke up with us," Alexandra said coldly, stepping closer, her eyes narrowing. "You thought you could just walk away? After everything we’ve been through? After all the hate you put up with for us?"

"That wasn’t your choice to make," Charles added, his voice low and dangerous. "You belong to us, Y/N. You always did."

She shook her head, her vision still blurry, but the horror of the situation cut through the fog in her mind. "You’re insane... both of you."

Charles chuckled, his eyes darkening. "Maybe. But we don’t care anymore. We tried to let you go, we really did. But you’re everywhere, Y/N. Every time I close my eyes, I see you. Every race, every podium, every fucking interview, it’s you. I can’t breathe without thinking about you."

"Neither can I," Alexandra said, her voice calmer but no less disturbing. "You broke us, Y/N. And now we’re just fixing what you broke."

"You can’t do this," Y/N gasped, her voice cracking with desperation. "Let me go, Charles. Alex, please..."

But they just stared at her, unmoved by her pleas.

"You went out clubbing, Y/N," Alexandra said, almost scolding. "Dressed like that, with those friends of yours. You’ve moved on, haven’t you?"

Y/N didn’t answer, too scared of what they’d do if she told the truth.

"You’re ours," Charles growled, his patience wearing thin. He grabbed her chin roughly, forcing her to look at him. His eyes blazed with possessiveness. "You always were, and you always will be. We were too nice before, letting you walk away like that. But not anymore."

Tears stung Y/N's eyes as she struggled against the restraints. Her wrists burned, her head pounded, and the overwhelming feeling of dread consumed her.

"I don’t love you anymore," she whispered, her voice trembling.

For a moment, the room fell silent. Charles' grip tightened painfully on her jaw, his knuckles white with tension. Alexandra's eyes flashed dangerously.

"You don’t mean that," Charles said, though his voice wavered. He was trying to convince himself as much as her. "You’re just upset. You’ll remember soon enough how good we were together. We made you happy, Y/N."

"You made me miserable," she spat, her voice gaining strength despite the terror gripping her. "I couldn’t even go online without people tearing me apart for being with you. And you did nothing. You let them do it. You cared more about your careers than about me."

Alexandra's face twisted with fury. "That’s not true! We loved you—we love you. Those people were jealous, that's all. They hated that you had what they wanted."

Y/N shook her head, refusing to be gaslighted by them. "No, you loved the idea of me. But I was never enough for you."

Charles stood abruptly, pacing the room like a caged animal. His hands raked through his hair, frustration evident in every movement. "You don’t understand. You were everything to us! We just... we just didn’t know how to handle it then. But we do now."

Y/N’s pulse quickened as she saw the crazed determination in his eyes. They weren’t going to let her go. Not ever.

"You can’t keep me here," she said, trying to reason with them. "Someone will notice I’m missing. The team... my friends..."

Alexandra smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. "We’ve taken care of that. Everyone thinks you left the club with some random guy. They'll believe whatever story we give them."

Y/N’s stomach churned. She hadn’t realized how carefully they had planned this.

"You won’t get away with this," she whispered, though even she wasn’t sure she believed it.

"Oh, but we already have," Charles said, stepping closer again, his hand cupping her cheek with a false tenderness. "You’ll see, Y/N. In time, you’ll remember how good we are together. We’ll make you love us again."

Her breath hitched as she saw the manic intensity in his eyes. There was no reasoning with them. They had crossed a line, one from which they could never return.

"You can fight it," Alexandra said softly, brushing her fingers down Y/N’s arm, "but you won’t win. We’re not going to hurt you, Y/N. We just... we just need you back." Alex gave forcefully gave her a kiss on the lips, while Charles sucked the skin of her neck between his teeth, leaving a hickey behind. And just like that, they left.

Y/N closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. She was trapped, bound in more ways than one, and no one was coming to save her.

#formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x alexandra saint mleux x reader #dark!charles leclerc #dark!alexandra saint mleux #dark!story #dark!f1 #charles leclerc x alexandra saint mleux x girlfriend

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dakotalun · 2 days

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What Now? | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: You just got broken up with and you can only think of one place to go.

warnings: none, just some fluffy Eddie moments :)

word count: 1k

a/n: Shit it's been a while. Anyways back to it!

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Everything was going okay recently, not many nightmares and the ones I did have weren’t too bad. Until…

“What?” The confusion is evident on my face and in my voice.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out. I’m sorry,” Jamie’s head is down and their eyes are looking everywhere but at me.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all, it’s me.”

I scoff, “Pfft. Okay sure,” I roll my eyes at their words, “Like every other time people say that line.”

“I’m being serious, love. I love you, I really do but there’s shit that I need to figure out-”

“Then we figure it out together! That’s what it means to be in a committed relationship!”

“I just- I feel like having a partner right now is not helping,” Their voice is distant and soft now.

“I get it. I’m too much, too clingy, too needy, too…everything,” The words sting my throat and tongue as they leave but it’s the truth, it’s what they all mean when they break it off with me.

“Not at all! You’re perfect, in every way, shape, and form. Seriously, it's me. I’m going through shit that I feel like would break us if I kept lying about it to you.”

“So this has been going on for a while?” I see their face change for a second then go back to sadness.

“Yeah, it has. But I thought it was nothing-”

“How long?”

“What?” Now it’s their turn to be confused.

“How long have you known and been going through this?” My face is steel and I show no emotion.

“Since Lolla.”

Lollapalooza was in August, it’s November. They’ve known this and not said anything for 3 months! Lying to me about everything for so long and I had no idea. I don’t even know how to feel right now. I begin to grab my bag and stuff my shit in it before getting up off their bed.

"Y/N," They reach for my hand to stop me from leaving.

I pull away before they can touch me, "Don't. I- I need space," I leave their room and head for the front door, looking back at the fuzzy orange cat lying on the back of the chair as he always does for the last time.

"Bye Cheerio," I twist the knob and walk out of the apartment I had felt so welcome in before.

I can hear the thunder once in the elevator, realizing that I can't return home because I promised Robin the apartment, assuming I'd be with Jamie all night. I try to think of who else I could stay with tonight.

Chrissy maybe? No, she’s at Jason’s place for the weekend. Oh, Nancy should be free right? I reach for my phone to text Nancy but see a Google Calendar notification on the screen.

Nancy Double Date with Johnathan and Roomie! Damn, I guess she’s out too. Maybe Robin would understand me coming home tonight, if I told them what happened?

As I think about what to do and where to go, rain starts to pour down, soaking through the loose shirt I had put on.

Why does this keep happening to me? How do I always end up in the rain with no place to go? I think back to last summer when Kris, Sophia, and I got into it and my brother’s friend had to come rescue me from myself and the rain. I laugh at the thought that this is just going to be my normal from now on.

As I walk, my feet autonomously begin to head to the only other person whom I trust and who might be able to help. I don’t even realize where I’m going until I’m standing in front of the building, not under the protection of the awning even though it’s only 3 feet in front of me.

I take a deep breath before stepping forward and deciding this really is the only option I have left. I’m thankful for the covering once I’m actually under it. I dial apartment 203 and wait for the voice of my best friend to spread through the old speaker.

"Hello?" His voice is low and gravelly; he must have just woken up.

"Eddie, It’s Y/N. Can I come up? I-" I sniffle and before I can continue I hear the lock moving and the door unlock so I can enter. I didn’t even realize I had been crying until then.

I quickly open the door and make my way through the small maze to get to his place on the second floor. I can feel my wet socks and the weight of my bag has risen tremendously since I left Jamie’s. I'm gonna need to check and make sure my computer is okay once I get inside his place.

Soon I reach his door and he's standing there against the frame, in a tshirt and sweats, his signature look. The expression on his face is one of concern and fear. Something I’m all too familiar with.

"Hey," My voice is weak and not at all how he normally hears it. I’ve never cried in front of him and we’ve been friends for over a year now, strange.

"Shit, Y/N you're soaked! Get the fuck in here," He moves out the way and closes the door behind me as I walk into his living room, making sure to take off my shoes before going onto the carpet.

He comes back with a towel and wraps it around me after taking my bag and setting it at my feet. I mumble a thank you before taking a seat at the edge of his couch, completely on the other side from where he normally sits.

To my surprise he sits next to me and rubs my back, comforting me and drying me at the same time. We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I'm tired and not in the mood to fully explain what happened yet, so neither of us speak until I realize I should probably tell him why I came to his place so late and without warning.

Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis @witchwolflea @micheledawn1975 @daydreaming-mood @idfwfeelings @adaydreamaway08 @preciousbumplingbee @rustboxstarr @plk-18 @teary-eyed-egg @needylilgal022 @exploding-bonbon @gagasbee @eddiemunsonsguitarpic @aol19 @thatwitchyoucouldntburn @meanlilbean @sonnyahngel @corrodedcass @pigwidgeonxo @marsmunson86 @lottie-90 @figmentofquinn @sareim123122 @eddies-puppet @gvf23 @kennedy-brooke @rocklees-wife @emma77645 @cherris-n-peaches @breehumbles @joequinn-love @anyoddthoughts @aysheashea @eddiesskittle @uncxmfxrtablex @cherrymedicine13 @mrsjellymunson @shotgunhallelujah @bambipowerblueaddition @hexqueensupreme @josephquinnsfreckles @harrysgothicbitch @paleidiot @smurfflynn @lilyungpeanut @selena-rocker27

#eddie stranger things #munson #eddie munson #eddie my love #eddie my beloved #female reader #oneshot #smut #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x you #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #stranger things season 4 #eddie x reader

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chefwhatnot · 2 days

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A Too-Close Analysis of the Double Exposure Treatments from Duskmourn (1/2)

Happy Prerelease Weekend everyone! During the announcement stream for Duskmourn, Art Director Ovidio Cartagena said that one of the goals of the "Double Exposure" Alt-art treatments was to capture the inner psyches of Legendary Characters. And that immediately tickled my neurons, so I decided to write a bunch about the different Double Exposures and what exactly they suggest about the different characters! This post will feature all the characters from Duskmourn who appear in the Main Story articles, with the rest coming sometime tomorrow probably.

(EDIT: Part 2 is out now! You can find it here)

The Wandering Rescuer-

In profile over the Wanderer is one of Duskmourn’s demons, seeming to show similarities to the demon depicted on the card “Vile Mutilator”. This demon in particular, and presumably other Duskmourn demons, possess the ability to kill survivors’ glimmers. The Wanderer is the only character we see in the story who has a glimmer, potentially because her will and connection to her home plane are strong enough to manifest one before any other members of the party can. So, having that connection to her home, to the place she has sought after for so many years and finally had the chance to return to post-March of the Machines, taken away by a monster… yeah, I can see how the Wanderer might be afraid of that.

Valgavoth, Terror Eater-

Unlike the other double exposure treatments, Valgavoth is the upper layer of this double exposure: he is the nightmare. He blends seamlessly into the door behind him, which is carved with a simulacrum of his core form. He is the House, and the House is Valgavoth. There is no escape from his grasp, etc.

Tyvar, the Pummeler-

Tyvar looks forward, fists raised in a fighting pose. His position suggests fearlessness, but a Cellarspawn still taunts him over his shoulder. “Oh why’d he be afraid of some random Cellarspawn” well he’s not, he’s afraid of what it represents. I posit that this Cellarspawn is the one Tyvar copies when he puts himself and Zimone into House camouflage in the main story. That action, while clever, nearly led to both of them being subsumed into the essence of the House if not for Zimone’s fateshifter. It represents bad change, the possibility that Tyvar isn’t infallible, and the way his transmutation abilities feel uncomfortably similar to that of Phyrexian compleation. But still, Tyvar stands proud and stares forward, ready to courageously curtail whatever may come. Also, only noticed this a bit after originally writing this section, but compare Tyvar’s Double Exposure card to Kona’s. Notice anything? The colors are inverted. Tyvar, the subject of the card, is rendered in magenta, perhaps showing how he is to be feared.

Kaito, Bane of Nightmares-

Kaito is surrounded by gaseous Cellarspawn who shy away from him, flinching back as though in pain. This, combined with his title as "Bane of Nightmares" suggests that there is something about Kaito that the House instinctively cowers from. Which, upon thinking things over, makes sense. He is a planeswalker: he has the ultimate trump card to ignore and escape the horrors of Duskmourn at any time. Plus, he is the only person we’ve seen who was actually able to pose a significant threat to Valgavoth, stabbing him through the chest at the climax of Episode 6. The ghastly cellarspawn are Valgavoth’s creations, and Kaito may be the only one they fear. (Kinda expect Kaito and Valgavoth to have an Ajani/Bolas or Elspeth/Norn relationship maybe.)

Niko, Light of Hope-

Niko is both layers of their double exposure, one calm and confident, the other in pain. Niko’s fears are all internal: fear of not measuring up to their ideals, fear of being forced to go along with whatever plans the powers that be have in store for them. Just as their magic creates reflections, the hand that skillfully balances five of their magic shards is reflected in agony on the "internal" layer. Yet, simultaneously, them being both layers of the double exposure seems to break the rules shown by the other cards. Extremely fitting for a master of their own destiny, wouldn’t you say?

EDIT: @greatdinn pointed out that, in the “internal” art, Niko’s eyes appear to be missing. It could be read as them squinting, but if that is the case it could suggest that Niko’s biggest fear is going blind and losing their skillful accuracy.

Marina Vendrell-

Kinda similar to Victor’s Double Exposure treatment, the wings of a moth is overlaid on top of the subject’s face. However, Victor’s moth is covered in eye patterns, while Marina’s has the shape of a skull on its wings. Victor sees Valgavoth as a source of knowledge or power, Marina knows he brings only death. Notice, too, the way that Victor stares forward, making himself a part of the moth, while Marina glances to the side, attempting to reject its existence. Marina’s only safety now is that of denial: accepting how her actions doomed the plane to an eternity of nightmares would undo her.

Nashi, Searcher in the Dark-

Hey remember that time Nashi was trapped in a cage by a group of wickerfolk who slowly picked off the other Nezumi he cane to Duskmourn with and turned them into wickerfolk? Remember how a similar thing happened when Nashi ran into Tezzeret during that one side story and Tezzeret killed a bunch of Nashi’s friends? Remember how Tezzeret ALSO killed Nashi’s birth parents and everyone else in his village? Remember how everyone who gets close to him meets a horrible fate, to the point that eventually Nashi must find it easier to push other people away, to remain isolated because the only reasonable explanation is that he must be somehow cursed to bring ruin to the people he loves? Yeah.

Winter, Misanthropic Guide-

Winter pinches his forehead, deep in thought. Layered over him is a dagger with a strange handle that morphs into the hand of a corpse. This blade is a reminder of how he betrayed and sacrificed his friend in the house in order to escape Duskmourn. The blade faces the same direction as him, as though primed to stab into someone’s back. The hand is either the hand of his friend, desiccated and decaying, and/or represents the agency he had in the betrayal. Despite his claims that anyone would do the same, it is ultimately a decision he made, a path he followed, and consequences that he is responsible for.

Zimone, All-Questioning-

Over Zimone's face is a book, cover detailed with gnashing teeth and pages flipping ominously in the wind. But, as the story points out, how can there be wind inside the house? Zimone does not know, but she wants to. She wants to know everything, regardless of how outwardly intimidating the container of that source of knowledge may be. The spine of the book makes it look like her eye is closed, which combined with the reflective lens gives her an appearance of sleeping reverie. Her desire for knowledge blinds her to other potential threats, which the House knows and uses to sow the lures of her destruction.

That's it for now! Stay tuned for when I release the rest :)

#mtg #magic the gathering #duskmourn #the wanderer #tyvar kell #kaito shizuki #valgavoth #niko aris

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parkerloves · 2 days

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BACK AGAIN || PG10 x Fem!Reader

paring: boyfriend!pierre gasly x actress!fem!reader;

trope: second chance

summary: after a photo with her and her next co-star being way too close for a scene pierre ends up listening to the wrong people until his girlfriend go see him

fc; emily rudd

warnings: mention of cheating even though no one cheats

A photo had taken over the covers of every magazine that relied on gossip and one name was repeated in every headline: Lovelle Cartier, a young actress known for her contribution to the world of horror and for dating a certain pilot with whom she shared nationality, but this time there was no talk of a new date or a movie, but the photo showed the young actress very much attached to a man who was still unknown.

⠀—Pierre please don't be an idiot and pick up the fucking phone —The young woman mumbled sitting on the bed in her hotel room just before it went to voicemail—

Nothing that was being said about her was even the slightest bit close to reality, and that was exactly why she wanted to talk to the one who had been her partner for the previous two years, even though right now she wouldn't even take a call from him, although on the third try she was able to get an answer.

⠀—Love, don't try anymore.... —Those were the first words she heard from the Frenchman, and the chestnut knew at that moment that he had been crying or at least screaming— I've been trying, I really have, I didn't care about any of your relationships in movies and stuff, but I guess it's true what they say that if you fake something it ends up being real....

Those were the last things Lovelle heard before the sound of the phone call ending reached her ears, causing all the frustration and sadness that had been building up since that stupid picture had started circulating on the internet. But of course Love wasn't going to let it end like that, and she knew she wasn't the only one when the device in her hand vibrated again although this time another name appeared on the screen, and recognizing it she was quick to accept the call and began speaking.

⠀—It's not what you think, fuck Charles... I would never hurt him, you know that.... —She mumbled so fast that she even seemed not to be understandable at certain moments, so she had to be interrupted by her friend—.

⠀ —I know Love, I know... But you've messed up, you know that right? I don't know what happened but don't leave him like this —The young actress had already stood up and had started pacing around the room as she always did when she was nervous and wanted to take the stress off her mind—.

⠀—I'm going to catch a plane, I don't know when I'll get there, in a couple of hours I guess, please take care of him while I go, I can't lose him, not him —She mumbled while her breathing made the pretence of recovering its normal rhythm, without much success—.

⠀—Don't do anything stupid, okay? If you come he's going to listen to you, he can't not listen to you —The girl nodded on the other end of the line and luckily Charles knew the young woman too well to know her reflexes in those situations— I'll wait for you at the hotel yes? I'll pick you up when you arrive

Shee didn't even wait a few seconds before hanging up and going to book the earliest flight she could, without even worrying about the price of it all, and if she already hated airports as usual, now that she only had a fucking image in mind it was certainly worse.

The flight was interminable, especially because in each of the magazines that were on that plane there was that stupid picture next to a more irritating headline that seemed to have been created just to hurt, but luckily that nightmare only lasted two hours before arriving at the Italian peninsula where the whole grid was now.

<<send me the address of the hotel, my cab arrives in 5 minutes>> she wrote in the Monegasque's chat as she didn't even have the patience to wait for it to arrive and smiled when she received that link that he didn't take long to send to the one who would be her driver, arriving at his destination in a matter of less than half an hour.

⠀—Charles, they won't let me into the hotel, I guess they think I'm a fan or something —She didn't even bother to greet the young man as she had her mind occupied with many other things—.

⠀—I'll be right down for you, I left Pierre with Yuki, he already knows the whole situation, and thank goodness he knows you and supports you —Charles luckily didn't take too long to appear on the other side of the door, dragging the young girl inside the building, hugging her when they were both already under the roof, letting her best friend have at least some time to calm down from all that, noticing after a few seconds later his shirt was getting wet on the side of his chest—.

⠀—Can I go see him? Although I don't know if it's the best option.... But if you ask him to come to see me he's not going to do it.... —She murmured still against his friend's chest before he covered his mouth to stop him from talking for a second—

⠀—He's in his room, he doesn't know it, but he needs you now more than ever —He grabbed the young woman's face with both hands to raise his gaze to hers, causing the French woman to only nod—.

As soon as they arrived at the door where Alpha Tauri's drivers were, Charles called Yuki to leave the room but to leave the door closed behind him, and it was at that moment when the fear took hold of the young woman and she flinched for a few milliseconds before the green-eyed man pushed her into the room.

The image inside broke the young woman's will even more strongly at that moment, for she had only ever seen her boyfriend in that condition, and she would never have allowed herself to be the one responsible for something like that.

But it was then that those blue eyes came out of the hiding place they had found, in the hands of their very owner and would meet the blonde's, generating a grimace of confusion in the boy before it changed to anger.

⠀—What are you doing here? You didn't have to come and you know it, you didn't have to waste your time —She had never heard him address her in that way, but now there was no turning back and he planned to fight for what he wanted—.

⠀—Don't do that please —She took a few steps in the Frenchman's direction although she still kept her distance as she knew she shouldn't push him at that moment— I need you to listen to me, I only ask you for a few minutes and I'll leave later if that's what you want —She murmured feeling once more the blond's blue orbs on her—.

⠀—I shouldn't be giving you this opportunity, you know that, right? —That was the signal for Lovelle to move a few steps closer and then kneel down in front of the bed since it was practically impossible for the young woman not to be close to him, despite the fact that she wanted to give him a little bit of space as well—.

⠀—And you know I would never cheat on you, right? Yet here we are... Because I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not going to lose you for a stupid picture —Her tone of voice was soft, beacause yes, she was frustrated and even angry, but he had more rights to be like that and she accepted it since she just wanted to have him back—.

⠀—Why weren't there cameras? —Those were the only words that came out of the boy's mouth in the form of a soft mumble after that little speech from his girlfriend, since a part of him of course wanted to believe her but let's just say that there wasn't much evidence in her favor—.

⠀—It's going to sound really bad.... But it's the shitty angle —She said and as soon as she realized that her words would probably be worthless at that moment she decided to look for some more decisive picture on her phone, but a hand interrupted his search—

⠀—No, fuck what's happening to me? You shouldn't have to be the one looking for ways for me to believe you? I don't know what was going through my head —He move the phone away from the blonde's field of vision before grabbing her face caressing her cheeks— Mine's going to sound really bad too, but I guess the shitty race I've had hasn't helped at all —His tone was soft again and her breathing was slowly returning to normal—.

⠀—I was planning to call you as soon as I finished work, I saw your DNF as soon as Chris alerted me —The distance between them was slowly getting shorter and it seemed that nothing of the last few hours had passed, which honestly was a relief for both of them—.

⠀—Let me take you to dinner today, there's a restaurant on the shore and hopefully you can watch the sunset —The Frenchman remembered one of his girlfriend's favorite things and seeing how a smile formed on her face, he couldn't help but bring their lips together in search of one of those kisses he had had to learn to share, but luckily not the feeling in them— I'm sorry

⠀— I think we both are sorry —She mumbled a few inchies away from his lips—

#parker and f1 →#pierre gasly #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly fic #pierre gasly fanfic #pierre gasly x reader #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x oc #formula 1 #formula one #f1

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venusloverblue · 2 days

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Brewing Hearts

harry potter x reader

warning: fluff, fluff and fluff

word count: 1k

this is part 1, i will soon publish the next part, stay tuned!

You never thought that one day you would fall in love the way you did when you met Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the one everyone at school calls "the chosen one." It seemed cliché to you that love had knocked on your door along with him. Your friends thought it was romantic, but you, without a doubt, found it absurd. Why did it have to be him? There were so many boys to fall in love with, but no, your stupid heart wanted the one who didn’t even know you existed. Your life had become a bad tragicomedy; every time you crossed paths with him, you felt your body go numb and your voice disappear. Your best friend called it a “romantic attack.”

Today, you had Potions class with the not-so-beloved Professor Snape, and it was important that you didn’t miss it since you had to turn in an assignment you had been working on for weeks. You hated Potions classes; you never had the best results, and that was the root of your disdain for them.

You were running through the corridors with a backpack on your shoulder, heading to the classroom where the class would be held. You arrived just in time, right as the last Hufflepuff student entered. When you walked in, you scanned the room for your desk partner, but you didn’t find them. You thought you’d have to do the class alone, something you didn’t enjoy. When you got to your spot, the class was about to start, and at that moment, Professor Snape appeared and gave the task for the day: an assignment that had to be done in pairs.

― Professor Snape, my partner didn’t come. Who do I do the activity with? ― you asked after raising your hand and being given the floor.

― Well, you can do it with Mr. Potter, who is also alone ― he said with a disdainful expression when mentioning the boy you liked.

Your body froze. Of all the classes where something like this could have happened, it had to be in Potions. He was going to find out that you were good for nothing, that you weren’t at his level to even think of going out with him. You wished the ground would swallow you up and never spit you back out.

― Is everything alright, Miss Y/N? ― The professor’s question pulled you out of your thoughts. You nodded and turned to see Potter walking toward the seat next to you. You felt your heart stop; it was like a dream and a nightmare at the same time.

With the problem solved, Snape went to help some students who had requested his assistance. Meanwhile, in your section, Potter was getting ready to make the potion. Your mind was racing, trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

― So… they abandoned us, huh? ― you said with a nervous laugh.

― Yeah, it seems that way. Shall we start?

You nodded enthusiastically. In your mind, you promised yourself you would do your best so the potion wouldn’t end up a disaster. In just a few seconds, you both decided that Harry would handle the cauldron while you passed him the ingredients and read the instructions. This spared you from any embarrassing moments in front of him.

By the end of the class, your potion was bottled and ready to present. For some reason, you had a good feeling that you had done it right. When Snape approached your area and checked that everything was in order, he begrudgingly gave you an excellent grade. You couldn’t believe it; that had never happened to you in his class. You were so excited that you even hugged Harry. It took only a second for you to realize what you had done, and unfortunately for you, there was no turning back. You pulled away so fast it seemed like Harry had caught fire.

― I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I’m so excited that I didn’t notice. Forgive me, Harry ―. Concern and embarrassment were all over your face. You were about to pray for a hippogriff to come flying and take you away.

― Don’t worry, Y/N, it’s fine. We did a great job, and I liked working with you. We should do it again sometime ― he said with a smile crossing his face. Just when you thought you couldn’t be more in love with him, you received one of those smiles that made you want to cry with happiness.

Class ended, and everyone rushed to escape from the dungeons. In the hallway, you heard someone shouting your name. When you turned around, you saw Harry running towards you with something in his hand.

When he reached you, he stopped, a little out of breath.

― Y/N, you forgot your notebook.

You checked your backpack and realized he was right. You probably left it behind because you were thinking about him, something that didn’t surprise you at all.

― Yeah, you’re right. Thank you so much for bringing it to me ―. As you were about to say goodbye, Potter interrupted you.

― Would you like to go out with me sometime? We could go to Hogsmeade and have a drink at The Three Broomsticks, if you’d like.

It was either a joke or the best thing that had happened to you in a long time. You lost your voice and the ability to move; you were having a “romantic attack.” Before answering, you thought about the thousands of possibilities of what could happen if you said yes, and no matter how crazy it seemed, in all of them, the ending was a very happy one for you.

― I understand if you don’t wa…

― YES… yes, I’d like to go out with you sometime! ― You didn’t let him finish his sentence, shouting your response.

Harry couldn’t contain his smile of excitement.

― Great! How about next weekend? We could meet in the hall three hours before dinner.

― Sounds good, see you there then ― you said as you waved goodbye.

The moment you were out of his sight, you ran off to find your best friend to tell her about the long-awaited and desired moment.

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siriuslychessi · 2 days

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For September's @jilychallenge partner @petalsthefish

Wordless

AO3 | FF

Prompt: A new teacher for DADA assigns partners for the year and you are partnered with your worst nightmare (your crush’s best mate or your crush him/herself)

Magnus Elderberry had been Hogwarts’ 6th DADA Professor in as many years since the class of ‘77 started attending it. It seemed that no matter what the school could not keep a Professor for that class no matter how good they were. They were not sure if it was the lack of payment, or if the rumour that the job was cursed was true.

The older man was strict but he made sure that along their rigorous syllabus they would also have practical lessons.

“This first term you will be paired with the same classmate, the distribution will be aleatory as we do not play favourites in this classroom. You will all learn nonverbal spells and since this is a taxing endeavour your partner will become both an ally and a competitor. At the end of term there will be a nonverbal duel tournament, the best partners will gain 100 points to their houses.”

A collecting murmur could be heard through the classroom, there was something terrible about being stuck with someone you despised, but the promise of 100 points for duelling had the class excited.

The names were taken out from a bowl one by one, and Lily watched every piece of paper with such force she actually thought that she would be able to change the name on the paper if needed.

Last year she had a fall out with her best mate, Severus Snape, and after that she did not want to be stuck with him as a partner for the next foreseeable future. Yet the name that was paired with hers was not a Slytherin, but a fellow housemate.

Sirius Black, one of the top students of the class, great marks and James Potter’s best mate approached the place where she was standing and smiled at Lily. “Evans, this is going to be interesting.” he smiled, his hands in his pocket as he waited for her to say something.

They didn’t use to get along, Sirius and her. Mostly because he loved to mess with Severus, as much as Severus liked to mess with him, and Lily as a good friend always sided with her oldest mate, instead of his housemate. That was until the mudblood incident, and ever since then Lily’s life had seemed to change 180º, her and Severus did not speak anymore, and Sirius…

She was not sure about Sirius.

Today they were practising just simple nonverbal protecting and disarming spells, to start the terms, something to warm them up for the things to come. Apparently in preparation for their NEWTs they would get nonverbal and wandless classes, and this was just a small step in that direction.

“The motion of your wand needs to be more precise when words are not used, at first they would try to conjure the word in their heads, which was good practice, but in time;” Professor Elderberry said, “it will come as easy as walking, you won’t think about the word, but of the use of the spell. Making your magic work seamlessly with your thoughts.” As he finished the explanation he summoned one book from the other end of the classroom, demonstrating what he meant, and then put them to work.

The class spread around the classroom to start practising. Lily did not dare to look at Sirius, not because she disliked him, but because she was afraid that he would see something in her that she was not sure was anything. It was probably nothing.

Well it was something if it bothered her so much, but it was probably not anything consequential. Or was it?

She had been so confused since last year that just thinking about sharing the class with Black would end her. She had enough on her plate with the broken relationship with Snape, Petunia’s ever growing disdain and now… well… it did not matter.

Sirius stood in front of Lily, wand in hand and looking at the shorter woman a bit amused. Lily was a brilliant witch and hilarious when she was not in a crusade to try and justify Snape’s decision and actions, but he did not remember the last time they were paired together. He was about to ask how they should go about it when a loud “I won’t spend the rest of the term working with him!” could be heard from where the Professor stood.

“Mr Snape, as explained, there is no favouritism in this class. Groups are not to be changed for the remaining term. What was not clear.” The Professor said calmly.

Snape looked at the Professor and at James Potter, who stood next to them waiting for the scene to play out.

“Professor, it was clear, but you can not expect me to work with Potter, that is not possible.” Snape said quieter, just so the professor could hear.

“May I know why you think that?” The Professor asked, once again, calmly. He could be persuaded but it seemed that Severus Snape did not have a proper reason to give.

If it were any other Professor they would know why Snape and Potter could not work together, but the new DADA Professor was just clueless. Explaining how Snape and James did not like each other and kept hexing each other whenever they got the chance would make Snape confess to things he did not want faculty knowing, as he played innocent in those occasions,

“Are you not up to the challenge?” James’ voice was almost teasing, but he was not dumb enough to get detention. He had no issue working with Snape, he disliked him, but he was not going to cause a scene just because he got to learn how to hext and disarm him without even saying a word.

James was also clear that even with the small tantrum, Snape was not dim and he would probably also master the spells quick enough for there to be any serious trouble. The main issue was, how long would they last before they would be at each other’s throats? How many points would they get deducted that the 100 points from the assignment would seem like child’s play in comparison?

Neither of them were sure, but at the moment James seemed to have the proverbial upper hand facing the Professor and Snape was not liking it.

“Shut up, Potter. Let’s finish this.” Snape reluctantly went to another corner of the classroom for them to do the exercises.

At the other end of the room Lily Evans was watching them, she had been so focused on not getting Severus that when she got Sirius she forgot that someone would get her former best mate. If she would have had to guess who would be paired with Severus, never in a million years she would have imagined James. Both boys were catalysts for each other’s worst qualities.

“Worried about your mate, Red?” Sirius said behind her, looking in the same direction where Snape and Potter were standing in front of each other, the tension palpable as a bomb about to explode.

“I’m sure James will be okay.” Lily said dismissively, because Snape certainly was not her friend anymore.

A smirk formed on Sirius’ lips, now focusing his attention on Lily rather than his mate and the git. “So, it is James now?” a teasing tone could be heard in Sirius’ voice and Lily had to mentally hit herself. She had been so close to not show any kind of change or favouritism towards James until she managed to find exactly how she felt, but her mouth had to slip at that very moment.

“Well, I don’t call my mates by their last name, Black.” she replied, trying to be nonchalant, yet a small blush crept to her cheeks betraying her.

Sirius put a hand on his heart, fainting hurt, “You don’t consider us friends, Red, that’s hurtful considering I rather like you.” and he was sincere, Lily could be a lot of things, but she was a nice bird with a decent sense of humour and a nice head above her shoulders. He was annoyed at Prongs’ crush on her, but Sirius could not put that blame onto the redhead.

“Let’s just try to get through this class and maybe my fondness for you will grow.” she joked, making Sirius chuckle and nodding, letting slide just this once that he saw more than a friendship growing between Lily and James.

Sirius took out his wand but did not raise it against Lily at first, he seemed a bit bored of the class already and Lily found it nice that they were not just doing lectures but actual practice. Yet, the older Black seemed to be done with the class already and that peeved Lily. “Do I bore you so much already? You haven’t even given me a chance to do anything.”

Sirius arched his brows in disbelief, “Red, I have nothing but respect for you, but I’m afraid the lesson is not quite as thrilling.” he admitted, making sure that his face showed more than just boredom. He was so used to being around people that knew that Blacks had just the same resting face that he forgot other people might not be.

Lily looked at her fellow Gryffindor, not sure what to think. Sirius did seem to be making an effort, and she knew that for all his flaws he was rather honest, sometimes brutally honest. “You think the practice lesson is boring? Nonverbal seems like a challenge.”

It was true that for most young wizards nonverbal spells were a challenge, Sirius was not the exception, even with his brilliant mind it took him a while to master them. But he and his friends were trying to become animagi, and that was something that used nonverbal and wandless spells, plus potions and a lot of preparation.

Lily Evans did not know that.

“They are,” he admitted, “but does not mean we all learn it at the same pace.” he admitted as much, as he could not admit trying to become an animagi.

“You already know how to do nonverbal magic?” Lily said impressed, even when she tried to get ahead on her studies to not be the only clueless muggleborn in the school, yet no matter how far she went it seemed that she was always behind.

Sirius just nodded for a reply, he did not want to reveal much, not every pureblood decided to practise ahead, even if you had the advantage of doing magic at home while others might not. He tried changing tactics, because otherwise it sounded like bragging, “Your mate James can also use it.” he teased a bit, hoping they could move forward from the reason why he knew certain things.

“He does?” Lily asked, turning to look in James’ direction. Like an invisible force would not allow her mind to think in anything else other than James for more than 5 minutes.

At the other end of the class Severus and James were moving, almost mirroring each other. Severus was trying to disarm James, while James defended himself and also tried to disarm Severus. It was like a mesmerising dance, where you could not help to get invested, as both wizards were skilled and their movements were fluid. You could not catch one spell when the other was already being casted.

“Seems like Snape also knows a thing or two.” Sirius admitted. In reality Sirius didn’t think Snape was an idiot because of his ability to learn, it was on what he chose to learn and who he associated with, but that didn’t have anything to do with that particular class.

Watching the two wizards fight made Lily feel something, and not, it was not whatever was feeling for James, but a kind of envy. Severus seemed always so knowledgeable and taught Lily many things, but she also realised that he was hiding much more than his hate for the people of her kind. She felt him patronising her for what felt like the millionth time, and he was not even talking to her!

“Sirius, we can’t let them win.” Lily was determined, he could not let Snape win, nor James, even if he was a bit better than before, his ego was big enough. “I want those 100 for us, not Gryffindor, us.”

Sirius laughed at Lily’s determination, not mockinly but amused that seeing two people duel ignited in her the need to win and be better, that was exactly the Lily he liked to see. “Let’s do this, Red, we’ll wipe the floor with them.” and with that they set up to work.

Learning how to master the nonverbal spells took longer than she wanted. Sirius was a great partner, he was supportive but he did not take it easy, he was driven and he did not let her slack in any sense, yet he understood that she was starting in a path he already mastered.

By the end of the class Lily was almost able to wiggle Sirius’ wand without saying the word, but the spell was not as strong as it should be. Sirius could have let her take his wand easier, but that would not do her any good, she needed to actually master the technique.

“That was progress, Red, I could feel you almost pulling it that last time. Some people could not even get to do it on their first attempt.” Sirius praised her as they gathered their things.

“Not good enough, I want to be able to do it by next class.” Lily had decided that she did not want to feel left behind, that Severus had some sort of advantage over her, she hated to feel like that, she justified it all her life due to him having a witch for a mother, but not anymore. “Do you mind meeting a couple of times before the next class to practise?” she hoped he wouldn't, but she knew that he might not like to do this, after all he was already bored with the lesson.

What didn’t Lily expect was Sirius liking that passion of her, determined to do better and to take no for an answer. Lily was far from dim, Sirius knew as much, but this new facet of her intrigued him as much as he liked it.

“You’ve got it.” He smiled at her, “We can figure a schedule later, now if you don’t mind I’m famished and supper is calling my name.” he winked at her and left to join his friends.

Their first Defence had been a Thursday, that meant that their next one would be a Tuesday, they had 4 days to get this sorted and Lily was going to take advantage of it. On Friday Sirius appeared in the empty classroom as promised, they talked for a bit and then started practising. Sirius kept encouraging her but it seemed that no matter what she did not manage to get the spell right.

They tried again on Saturday, and it was not for Lily’s lack of enthusiasm and hard work, or Sirius’ will to help her and explain. The results were the same, she did not budge Sirius’ wand from his hand, and she was getting frustrated with the whole situation.

“You are thinking too hard about this, tensing up won’t make your wand respond like you wish to.” Sirius had offered as advice before they went their separate ways; she needed to relax but she could not do so, which frustrated her even more.

Lily tried not to think about it, she tried to go about her day as usual, and just focus on the spell once she met Sirius. She arrived at their usual empty classroom and sat on top of the teacher’s desk as she waited for her partner to arrive, and while she did so she thought about the class and how it seemed that she was the only one that could not master the technique.

Sirius was usually very punctual, but Lily noticed that it was 10 minutes past their meeting hour and she got worried. Did he grow tired of teaching her? Wouldn’t he tell her that they were done and they would not continue the tutoring? She thought Sirius’ would, but they were not exactly closed.

Lily was about to give up on waiting and just go back to her dorm, maybe ask one of her dorm mates to help, when the door cracked open.

The person at the other side of the door was not Sirius Black, he was almost as tall as Sirius, and had jet black hair, but it looked like swept by the wind. His eyes were not grey, but hazle, and there was a small blush around his cheeks as he entered the room. “Evans?” he called before opening the door completely, his expression apologetic, “I’m so glad you are still here, Sirius told me he promised to help you out, but he also promised Remus.” James excused his friend, “Remus is abysmal at potions and Sirius is the best we’ve got.” he admitted, “Sirius sent me to help you, said you needed help with Defence?”

Sirius was a dead man walking. Lily had decided there and then, because he somehow knew and still sent James Potter to help her, when she was trying to defeat his big head and Severus. No matter how much wandless magic the Black heir knew, Lily would kill him.

“Evans?” James’ voice was soft, hoping that he did not come out as a git, he already had done so in previous years and after talking to his mum he thought he could do better.

“Uhm, yeah?” she replied, looking at him, not knowing he needed an answer to anything.

“I’ve asked if you don’t mind me helping you instead.” James' eyes seemed almost pleading, she remembered him asking her out, but last time it felt like a dare, this time his plea seemed different.

Lily shook her head and moved down from the desk, “Not at all, but you are teaching me to beat you.” she warned him as she stepped to the place of the classroom without furniture.

“Is that so?” James asked amused, taking his cloak off, preparing himself for a session of spell practice.

“Yes, I’m taking those 100 points.” Lily smiled, daring him to question her drive and her capacity to do so, positioning herself a few feet from him, wand in hand.

James chuckled and shrugged. “I won’t give up that easily.” he replied, not belittling her but actually taking her seriously. She was not sure when was the last time she had a study partner that took her as seriously as Sirius and James had done so. Maybe Mary and Remus, but she usually studied with Severus, trying to spend time outside of the classrooms. “Come on, Evans, show me what you’ve got.” he dared her, and she complied.

Lily had tried with all her might to disarm James, as she had done with Sirius. She was willing the spell out of her, thinking it loud enough, but the wand in James’ hand did not move from there.

Once more, she moved her wand in a spiral, as the spell required. It was a clear motion, maybe a small one, but you could see her trying to cast that spell with all her might. And once more James’ wand did not move.

James moved from his defence stance to a normal one, and looked at Lily. They had been going at it for a while and there was no progress, which made Lily almost want to cry of frustration, but she couldn’t, not in front of Potter, maybe when she went back to her bed.

“You are giving up on me, aren’t you?” she said softly, putting her wand away.

“What?! No!” James shook his head and approached her, trying to comfort her in some way, but James Potter was clueless in comforting girls, much less Lily Evans. “I was not, I promise.” he said sincerely hoping she would see that it was true, that his words were not empty. “I was just wondering what is going through your head when you try to do the spell.” James explained looking at her, waiting for an answer.

Lily looked at him, and furrowed her brow trying to think. Her hands moved again, her wand making a smaller spiral motion as she closed her eyes for a second trying to focus on what she usually did when trying to disarm James, and not in his cologne, or how close to her he seemed to be. After a few moments she opened her green eyes and looked at his. “Just the spell, nothing much, I also think of the word, as the Professor explained.”

James nodded understandingly, and moved backwards again. “I think that’s the problem, you are thinking of a word, but not what the spell does. Remember when Flitwick was teaching us the levitating spell?” he asked, excited that he thought he figured out what was wrong with Lily’s technique.

It took the smaller witch a moment to get it but then it hit her, “Imagine where you want the feather to go,” she replied, getting to what James was saying.

“Exactly!” he beamed at her, “So we need you to remember how the spell feels. I want you to try to disarm me, like normal, forget about this being nonverbal, do it a few times, until the word loses meaning, but pay attention to everything else. How does the spell feel, how your wand pulls, how the magic flows.” he explained, going back to his defensive position, waiting for her to take the lead.

Lily nodded at his instructions, they seemed mad, but at this point she was willing to try anything as long as she was able to learn this.

“Expelliarmus!”

Her body moved as usual, she remembered how she used to feel the wand pull, because the word helped her to make it come to her. But when they took the word away all she could think was of the aid of said word and not what it was supposed to do. She repeated the spell a few more times, sweat going down her forehead as the wand in James’ hand moved but it was not enough to move it, but the smile on James’ face grew with each attempt, Lily might have not made it yet, but she was getting close with each cast.

Eventually James’ wand flew from his hand, and a victorious Lily smiled at him. It felt like a simple spell but it had taken so much effort she was not sure what had changed.

“Now give it back, and remember that feeling.” James instructed and she followed his instructions, as it seemed it was doing something more than whatever her and Sirius were doing previously.

They were back at their places, Lily preparing to attack, James preparing to defend. And Lily moved her wand again, this time not repeating the spell in her head, but pushing towards what she wanted, James’ wand, which was moving more than the previous attempts.

It took him a couple more times, Lily was beginning to lose faith once more, but then, when she least expected it, James’ wand was flying towards her, and all she could do was catch it and laugh.

“Yes! I did it!” she celebrated, moving closer to James, giving him his wand, “Thank you!” she said excitedly and bounced in her place before turning and giving James a hug. Getting the spell had felt so amazing, like a barrier had been lifted and now she could do more than she ever imagined, but it took her mind a bit to catch up on what her body was doing.

She was hugging James Potter.

James, who had been a git up until now, who was always bragging on how amazing he was and it was to be a Gryffindor, who had also helped Mary when Mulciber had attacked her. Who stopped hexing younger students for the fun of it, and started fighting the injustices he saw. And who made her feel confused, exasperated and elated, all at the same time.

She could feel James’ arms around her, and asked herself when they had become so toned, because he was a lanky 14 year old boy not so long ago. She wondered when he had gotten so tall, and when did his jaw became so pronounced that she could see him clench it a bit before speaking?

He was trying to be so careful of not breaking whatever was happening that it took Lily a second to understand that he was speaking again. “I knew you could do it, Evans.” he smiled at her once more, and she unwrapped her arms from his neck, feeling awkward to have hugged him so suddenly.

“Thank you, you were the one that broke the code.” she admitted, smiling back at him, trying not to blush.

“You did all the work, it took you less time than me to get it working.” he conceded, “So technically, you’ve won.” He was joking, she knew that much, but he was not mocking her and her effort, just her competitive vein, a tad bit.

“I have.” she replied proudly, but not because of managing a spell (even when it felt amazing) but she had finally understood what she was feeling for James Potter, and that was a win on its own.

#jilychallenge #fanfic #jily #lily evans #lily potter #james potter #prongs #mine

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ivegotyourbackbuddie · 2 days

Text

Ao3 Link because this one is a bit long <3

Buck ducks his head on his way into the station, hoping that it's one of those days where everyone else is too caught up in their own stuff to notice that he’s kind of spiraling.

It's not that he wants everyone to be going through stuff. And really, thinking that might bring it into existence, and the 118 already feels cursed enough as is. So, Buck really doesn't want anyone to be dealing with emotional baggage on the same level as what he's dealing with but-

"You alright?" Bobby asks as he turns off the stove, pulling everyone's attention toward Buck which is exactly what he doesn't need right now.

"Fine. Just thinking," Buck replies easily, ignoring the way Eddie is leveling him with an I know you're lying because you're a worse liar than Christopher look.

Before Eddie can say anything, Chimney points a piece of bacon at him and chimes in, "Uh oh. That's dangerous."

"What's more dangerous are the thoughts he isn't willing to share with the class," Hen says, eyebrows raised in an almost accusatory way. "So, what aren't you telling us?"

Buck shakes his head with a frown. "Nothing," he states, taking a place at the table and shoveling food on his plate, hoping it's the end of this conversation.

Eddie leans over and lowers his voice to ask, "You're not having nightmares again, are you?"

"No," Buck replies honestly, although after the events of last night, he just might.

"Maddie hasn't said anything, so it's not family related,'' Chimney very unhelpfully adds.

"Are you and Tommy okay?" Hen asks.

The grimace is entirely involuntary.

"Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!" Chimney says with a laugh which dies down quickly when Bobby gives him a look.

"What happened?" Hen questions softly.

Bobby takes the opportunity to clear his throat. "Buck, you don't have to answer any of their questions if you don't want to, after all, we are all at work."

"When has that stopped anyone before?" Chimney asks, getting a swift kick in the shin by Hen in response.

The tiniest bit of relief floods his system when everyone stops pressing and moves on. Well, besides the occasional lingering glance of curiosity, they mostly move on. But the smallest part of Buck wishes they would press on because he has to tell someone, and while they are some of the nosiest people he's ever met, they're also family.

"I called Tommy the wrong name last night!" Buck blurts out.

Everyone stops mid-conversation to look at him.

"I called him the wrong name... and he left."

The amusement on Hen's face slips right off as she puts a hand over Buck's. "Oh, Buck."

Eddie swallows his food audibly before gently asking, "Left as in..."

Buck glances his way, taking in the soft sympathy in Eddie's eyes. "Left the apartment with a quick goodbye saying he needed time to think about things, and he hasn't talked to me since. It's been twelve hours."

"That's not too bad. What we really need to know is what name you called him. Then we can figure out the damage. And hey, I've had many girls call me the wrong name, and the longest I waited was maybe a day before speaking to them again," Chimney says.

"I don't think you're the best person to be giving advice about this," Bobby says with his ever-present small smile.

"Hey, I'm married now! I think I'm doing pretty great."

Bobby turns his attention back to Buck. "Hey, kid. We've all been there, okay? You're still in the early stages of this relationship, and it's natural to revert to old tendencies - including calling someone the wrong name. Hell, I've called Athena my first wife's name before; there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Buck shakes his head and stares down at the table. "But it was... really bad this time."

"This time?" Ravi asks in disbelief, only to be ignored as Buck continues.

"He didn't even look mad. He just looked... disappointed. And I thought it was something we could laugh off because really it was just a slip of the tongue! I mean, I didn't mean to call him 'Bobby!'"

An eerie silence settles in the station as everyone takes in what was said.

Buck tries to defend himself with a quick, "Uh-" But is immediately cut off by the bell going off.

On the way to the scene, everyone glances at Buck who finally says, "Okay, so Tommy has a daddy kink."

"Yeah, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that," Chimney sighs.

"And!" Buck continues, "Daddy and Bobby are... kind of similar sounding, you know? Daddy... Bobby..."

"If you say 'daddy' one more time, I will revoke Uncle Buck privileges," Chimney groans.

Hen shrugs and says, "There's nothing wrong with a daddy kink as long as everyone is consenting. Now a Bobby kink..."

There's a mixture of laughter from Hen and Chimney, an ay dios from Eddie, a mumbled what is happening from Ravi, and Bobby pointedly tries to ignore the conversation.

"We were in the kitchen and he handed me-!"

"Nope! I do not want to hear about your sex life, Buckaroo!"

Buck frowns at Chimney for a moment before his eyebrows shoot up in shock. "Oh! No! You all think I- Oh god. No. No." Buck shakes his head seriously and continues, "The kink extends outside of the bedroom. He likes it when I call him that all the time. Like when we're having dinner or when we're making dinner. Which is exactly when it happened last night. See, Bobby and I cook all the time, plus like I said Bobby and Da-"

"Alright, we're one minute out, let's wrap this conversation up please," Bobby says, as the tips of his ears turn red.

"Yes, d- Bobby. Shit," Buck mutters, ignoring the cackling around him. Who knew a minute could last so long?

Luckily, the call isn’t too bad – a car accident with the worst injury being minor airbag burns. They're able to clear the scene quickly - too quickly in Buck's opinion because none of them forget their previous conversation.

On the ride back, it takes less than a minute before Eddie asks, "So, I don't get it. You misspoke, and Tommy just... walked out?"

"If it was during sex... that would definitely be off-putting, but you would think you could just laugh it off even if it killed the mood," Hen thinks aloud, "But what exactly did you say when you called him Bobby?"

Buck shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls the moment. "He just asked me to hand him the garlic powder, and I said 'Yes, Bobby' and immediately started laughing about it because I thought we could just laugh it off. But when I saw he wasn't laughing I apologized because it was an honest mistake, but he said the thing about taking time to figure things out, and he walked out."

"Maybe he didn't want to be compared to Cap because he's ancient," Chim jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Hen laughs and looks at Bobby. "You have no comeback today?"

"Don't need one if being ancient got me Athena."

There's a series of cooing, awws, and catcalls from everyone as they're quick to tease Bobby who throws a proud smile over his shoulder. Buck tries his hardest to focus on the secondhand love he feels for their relationship but notices how dim it is when compared to his tarnishing relationship. Bobby must notice it because he's quick to say, "Tommy is a good man. He'll come around."

Buck nods, lost in the thought of what if he doesn't? and too distracted by it to conceal his other thought, "Yeah, if he can get over me calling him Eddie in bed then he should be able to get over this, right?"

A weird strangled noise comes out of Chimney's mouth and Hen's jaw visibly drops. But Buck's eyes shoot to Eddie when he realizes what he just confessed.

Eddie just smiles, looking disturbingly undisturbed and a little amused and maybe… proud?

A minute of silence passes by before Ravi of all people asks, "So is no one going to question what was just said?"

Eddie shakes his head and laughs. "Come on, you guys. You said it yourself it happens to everyone. And I've had my fair share of partners who have gotten offended because they thought I said 'Buck' but 'Buck' and 'fuck' sound very similar."

"Just like 'Eddie' and 'baby' sound similar," Buck rushes to say, jaw tight, nodding quickly in agreement.

"Yeah because I'm sure that..." Chimney trails off and throws his hands up. He shoots Hen a look and asks, "Do you want to take this one?"

Hen blows out a deep breath of air and shakes her head. "They don't pay me enough to even begin to unpack this."

Eddie rolls his eyes and bumps his knee against Buck's. "This doesn't change a thing between us, okay?” He lowers his voice to say, “And between you and me, there was definitely one time I clearly said your name, so I guess we're even."

"You realize our radios are all on the same channel, right?" Bobby asks with barely veiled amusement.

Eddie's eyes widen for a second before he straightens up and fixes everyone with a flat look, almost daring them to say anything.

"Does this happen often?" Ravi asks naively.

"With these two idiots?" Hen asks.

"Yes," comes the answer from Chimney, Hen, and Bobby.

Buck crosses his arms, but he can't feel too bad when Eddie shoots him a small private smile.

Soon enough, they get back to the station, and Buck can sense something is off when he's the last to get out of the truck.

"Someone is here to see you, Buck," Bobby says, his smile tighter than usual before he squeezes Buck's arm and walks past him. Buck glances over everyone else's shoulders and finds Tommy standing there, hands in his pockets looking slightly uneasy.

"So, I'm assuming everyone knows," Tommy comments to the group who all look around uncomfortably.

"I think Cap said something about cleaning something upstairs," Ravi says before running off. He's definitely one of their smartest firefighters and probably their least nosy - maybe there's a connection there. Buck doesn't have much time to think about it as everyone rushes past him, giving him looks of encouragement and poorly concealed grimaces.

"Hi, Tommy," Buck says, purposefully saying his name to prove to both of them that he's capable of it.

"Evan," Tommy replies easily. He glances up and sighs, "Let's go somewhere a bit more private, hm?"

Buck turns and finds everyone including Bobby leaning on the railing upstairs, trying to overhear. Buck furrows his eyebrows and frowns at them, shaking his head - although he knows if the roles were reversed, he would definitely be doing the same thing.

He follows Tommy outside and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely.

Tommy nods, the ever-so-slight smile appearing on his face. "I know." He just looks out around them, glancing up at the sky as if trying to determine the impending weather. Buck nearly makes a joke about it, but Tommy beats him to speaking first. "I'm sorry that I walked out like that. I should have said what it was that was bothering me, but I truly needed the time to get my thoughts together."

"And that's okay. You can take all the time you need."

Tommy nods again before finally looking at Buck. "Evan, I think we both know what I'm about to say."

Buck's heart sinks to his stomach as he shakes his head. "No, I really don't."

Tommy glances over his face, frowning for a moment before fixing him with a look of... pity? "You really don't know, do you?"

Buck shakes his head, but he's pretty sure he can tell when someone is breaking up with him. So maybe he should nod, but this feels like something more than that.

Tommy puts his hands in his pockets and takes a step closer to him. "The reason I left like that wasn't because I was angry that you called me Bobby. And really, it was funny as hell given the situation."

"But?" Buck can't help but ask.

"But," Tommy continues, "It was your reaction that startled me." Buck shakes his head, confused as ever. Tommy just sighs. "Evan, you were genuinely startled by it and taken off guard. You immediately laughed it off, and I knew it was nothing. But that made me remember the other time when you said Eddie's name-"

"Which was also an accident!" Buck cuts him off, quickly, almost desperately.

The look Tommy gives Buck nearly makes him want to take the statement back. "Please, Evan. You didn't just laugh it off then, and we both know it. And we always avoided bringing it up because we both knew what happened. From the beginning, I accepted that it was only a matter of time before you figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Buck questions weakly.

Tommy pauses, seemingly debating if he's going to tell him or not. Eventually, he settles on saying, "Both times were an accident. But one was an honest mistake while the other... wasn't."

There's a moment where Buck almost brushes it off and says I don't know what you're talking about. They were both a mistake. But he can't lie to himself or Tommy anymore, and he can see the moment that Tommy registers that, expression dropping to something somber but not surprised.

"You got my attention, Evan. But whose attention was it that you were really after?" Tommy asks, slowly backing away.

"I really liked what we had!" Buck interjects before Tommy can get away.

Tommy gives him a small smile. "I did too. But we both knew it was only a matter of time." He hesitates before walking up to Buck and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Evan. And go talk to Eddie, please."

Buck huffs out a small humorless laugh, experiencing a weird sense of deja vu. He watches as Tommy walks away and doesn't say anything in response because if he fucks up his name one more time, he doesn't think he will ever recover.

As he makes his way back into the station, he notices that most people are upstairs actually minding their own business. But then he catches Eddie watching him carefully and slowly approaches him.

"I take it that went well?" Eddie asks.

Buck chuckles and glances over his shoulder to where Eddie must've had a clear view of their conversation. "Were you watching me?"

Eddie shrugs. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He says it so casually yet sincerely that it makes Buck duck his head, trying to fight the blush that threatens to color his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

"So, everything is good then?"

Buck pauses and considers what Tommy had said – go talk to Eddie. “Yeah, things are… good.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows slightly, definitely not believing Buck’s weird tone.

Buck sighs and looks down. “Okay. They’re not good. But they’re fine. We broke up- amicably! And… I’m fine.”

Eddie takes a step closer and tilts his head down so Buck looks him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

It takes a moment for Buck to process what Eddie has said- he always gets flustered when he stands this close. He wonders how he pushed it all down before. But he remembers all the pep talks he would give himself to confess things to Eddie before finding out he was seeing someone new, and all the times he was with Christopher and knew that he would do anything for the kid. Anything meaning not dating his dad and fucking up their whole dynamic. And that’s the thing about Buck, he never knows how to keep a good thing. And if Eddie were the one to leave… he thinks it might destroy him.

“I will be fine,” Buck insists and plasters on a smile. “And don’t worry, I won’t stop your and Tommy’s whole bromance thing. So don’t stop hanging out because of me.”

Eddie frowns and puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb resting on his collarbone. “You know you’re my best friend, right? Even if I’m out with Tommy, you can always call me, and I’ll be by your side in a heartbeat.”

“Even if he’s flown you to a different state?” Buck jokes.

“I’ll make him fly back even faster. Maybe even see if he can land where you are,” Eddie answers, smiling wide and sincerely. Buck laughs.

They remain there for a few moments just smiling at each other before the moment is interrupted. “Everything okay?” Bobby asks cautiously.

“It will be,” Buck says with a nod because it will be.

He just hopes it will be sooner rather than later.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Buck’s in Eddie’s kitchen the Thursday after the breakup, staring at the calendar with the dumb circle around the date. Basketball pick-up game with Tommy.

Jealousy still swirls in the pit of Buck’s stomach, and he’s no longer trying to fool himself that he’s jealous of Eddie. He never really has been, and he wonders if Eddie knows that. Because Thursdays are Eddie and Tommy’s night. Even with Christopher’s absence and Buck’s extended stays at Eddie’s, Thursdays are the nights Tommy comes over to distract Eddie from the emptiness for a while.

But tonight, Eddie asked Buck to come over and have dinner with him probably knowing Buck would’ve had the tiniest mini spiral on his own. And Buck wonders what he’s done to deserve such an amazing best friend.

He glances in the pantry, wondering if he should tell Eddie to cancel the pizza order he'll be picking up on his way home in favor of Buck making something that will distract him from his thoughts. Just as Buck picks up his phone, there's a rattling of keys in the front door that makes Buck nearly jump out of his skin as he rounds the corner until he sees Eddie pushing the door open.

"You're early," Buck states as he takes the pizza out of his hands.

"Basketball ended early today," Eddie replies easily.

Buck narrows his eyes at him because he's pretty sure the only way that's true is if basketball ended early only for Eddie. "Right."

"I'm going to shower. Find something for us to watch tonight."

As Eddie goes down the hall, Buck calls after him, "You know you don't have to baby me, right?"

"Who else am I supposed to baby with Chris gone?" Eddie yells back, knowing that Buck can't really argue with him. He only wishes he had something to throw at him in response. He really should've made some popcorn.

While Eddie quickly showers, Buck set the pizza down in the living room and grabs two beers, plates, and napkins before settling on the couch. He opens Netflix and goes to his account, knowing Eddie’s is full of romcom suggestions that he pretends to hate, and picks out a random true crime documentary that fulfills Buck’s thirst for random knowledge and Eddie’s thirst for drama.

Eddie joins him a few minutes later wearing slightly ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt that clings to his chest and arms just right.

Buck averts his gaze before Eddie can catch him staring, although he thinks he might be too late because he sees Eddie watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye. Buck grabs the remote and presses play in hopes of distracting him, but weirdly enough, Eddie’s gaze never really seems to leave him. At one point, Buck even glances over and gives him a questioning look which Eddie answers with a shake of his head before looking at the TV only to glance back at Buck a few moments later.

When the documentary comes to an end, Buck has absorbed about none of it and he doubts Eddie has either. So instead of talking about it, he grabs their empty plates and heads to the kitchen hearing Eddie trailing behind him with their empty bottles.

“Want another one?” Eddie asks as Buck rinses off their plates.

Buck shakes his head. He has a feeling that Eddie is about to ask him how he’s doing or something, and although another beer won’t really affect his cognitive abilities, Buck rather not take any chances. Once he’s through with putting the plates in the dishwasher, he turns carefully and leans against the counter, locking eyes with Eddie who lingers by the fridge, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Is there something you need to talk to me about?” Eddie questions, throwing Buck for a loop.

“Me? I was going to ask you the same thing after you found me more entertaining than that documentary,” Buck jokes.

Eddie frowns and looks away from him. “I did not.”

“Tell me one thing that happened during it.” And Buck really hopes he doesn’t say anything because he wouldn’t be able to confirm it.

Luckily, Eddie stammers for a moment before sighing, “I was staring out of concern after Tommy said…”

Buck's heart drops to his stomach as Eddie trails off. “What did he say?”

Eddie pauses and crosses his arms. “He asked if you had talked to me, and I told him you told me about the breakup, but he acted like there was something more that you needed to say.”

Buck crosses his own arms to try to hide how much his hands are starting to shake.

“Is there more?” Eddie asks.

There’s a moment where Buck almost says, No. I don’t know what he’s talking about. But then he hesitates, wondering if this is it. This is his moment.

Before he knows it, too much time has passed for him to lie and say there’s nothing, so Buck lets out a deep breath and takes a seat before he does something dumb like lock his knees for too long and pass out mid-confession. He looks up at Eddie who begins leaning against the fridge, head framed by one of Chris’s tests with a big A on it.

“I never told you why we broke up,” Buck confesses. “I never even told you the truth about why we started dating.” He pauses and looks down, unable to look at Eddie’s reaction as he continues. “You know, when I met Tommy, I thought he was pretty cool with the whole flying-a-helicopter-through-a-hurricane-to-help-us-without-asking-any-questions thing. I mean. Who does that? So, yeah I asked him for a tour because I wanted to get to know the guy - as a friend.

“And then, I saw him with you,” Buck looks up at Eddie, reimagining the moment. “And you were so happy with him. Happier than I’d seen you in a while, and I knew I should’ve been happy that you got a new friend. But I was devastated. And I felt so guilty about it, especially after the whole basketball thing. I told Maddie about what happened, and she told me all about this best friend she had and how she got jealous when she got a new best friend, and I thought… that was it. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be your one and only best friend.”

Buck pauses, wondering if he should cross this line, but Eddie nods gently in encouragement, brows furrowed as he takes it all in, and Buck continues, “But that wasn’t it. And deep down, I think I knew what was really happening, and I didn’t want to admit it. So, I changed the narrative in my head a bit… I think? Honestly, things aren’t one hundred percent clear to me about how I repressed it - but all of a sudden I was so sure that I was jealous of you. That I was jealous of you hanging out with Tommy. And that’s what I told him before he kissed me, and things just progressed from there. And really, I was happy with our relationship, he was great, and he was… kind of like you. But…” he trails off, words on the tip of his tongue but unwilling to fully let them escape.

“But?” Eddie prompts so gently that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

In one breath, Buck says, “But he wasn’t you.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up so fast that Buck would find it comedic if it was in any other situation. “So, you’re saying…” Eddie asks, head cocking to the side.

“Calling Tommy ‘Bobby’ was an accident,” Buck states, uncomfortably straightening up in his chair as he prepares himself for what he’s about to say. “Calling him your name was not.” And just to put the final nail in the coffin Buck says, “And it was never his attention I was after. It was yours. I wanted you, but I couldn’t handle the thought of telling you and ruining things between us. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship or my relationship with Chris, but here I am… doing exactly that.”

Eddie purses his lips and nods for a few long moments before turning to the fridge and opening it up, grabbing two beers, and setting them on the counter.

“I’m good, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, these are both for me.”

Buck feels his entire being shrink in on itself and he wonders if this is the worst rejection he’s ever felt.

“To think,” Eddie clarifies quickly, walking over to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb soothing over his collarbone. “About everything you said - which absolutely won’t ruin our relationship or your relationship with Chris. I promise. I just need a few minutes.”

And that’s all Buck needed to hear to know no matter the result of this conversation, things would be okay.

He stands up quickly, suggesting, “Why don’t I let you sleep on it?”

Eddie gives him a look mid sip that says no before he can actually say anything. “The only way you’re letting me sleep on it is if you stay the night on the couch because I’m not letting you doom spiral in your apartment.”

“I wasn’t going to…” Buck trails off when Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Okay, yeah, I would’ve spiraled on my own. But let me at least give you some space to think.”

Eddie nods, eyes staring off into space entirely unfocused.

Buck quietly says, “Okay,” under his breath and goes to the living room, closing the kitchen door behind him. He takes a deep breath and settles on the couch, trying to make himself comfortable but failing entirely. He takes out his phone and starts typing a message to Maddie saying this is probably crazy but remember that time you said something like whatever I had to tell Eddie I would tell him in my own time? well, guess who just found out what you meant by that and told their best friend they’re in love with them???

But then he remembers Maddie will tell Chimney and Chimney will tell Hen and Hen will tell Karen and Athena and Athena would tell Bobby and… really he does not want everyone to know he confessed his feelings for Eddie before Eddie has time to process those feelings.

Buck sighs and goes through his apps before going to Google and looking through whatever is trending in searches before going down a rabbit hole that becomes a fairly decent distraction until he thinks Man, I need to send this article to Eddie. Then he gets an achy feeling in his chest.

Quite a few minutes pass before Buck gets a sudden dry feeling in his mouth and he realizes he needs water. This is arguably the worst time to need water when the kitchen is off-limits, but he doesn’t think he could drink straight from Eddie’s bathroom sink faucet without feeling weird about it. Plus, he’s sure Eddie will understand, and he won’t interrupt his moment if he’s quick about it.

So, Buck makes his way to the kitchen, pulling the door open only to find Eddie pushing it open on the other side.

“Hey,” Buck says with a small smile.

“Hey,” Eddie responds, eyes trailing over Buck’s features as if taking them in for the first time.

A few seconds pass before Buck finally asks, “Do you mind if I get some water?”

Eddie shakes his head and steps back out of Buck’s way. But as Buck steps forward, Eddie shakes his head and says, “Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

Buck frowns, trying to interpret Eddie's body language, but he's not sure if he's ever seen him so... nervous or maybe... flustered?

As Eddie walks back to where Buck is lingering in the doorway, his eyes roam over Buck before he snaps himself out of it, shaking his head and handing Buck a glass of water. He turns and rubs his hands over his face. "Dios," he mumbles.

Buck doesn't say anything as he sips on his water, leaning against the doorframe and taking in Eddie's spiral. It's simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. After a few moments of silence, Buck finally asks, "You okay?"

Eddie pauses and glances up at him. Buck's almost sure that Eddie is about to lie and say he's fine, but right as he opens his mouth, he closes it and shakes his head. Buck wants to step forward and comfort him, but he hesitates, wondering if the push into Eddie's space will scare him away.

Eddie takes a few steps toward Buck, effectively making Buck feel pinned up against the doorframe. "I have been trying to replace the hole Shannon left in my life since she passed. And I've been finding all these replacements that never felt right. Hell, I found Shannon's doppelganger, and it still wasn't right. And I always thought that she was just irreplaceable. And I was right. No one will ever be Shannon, and no one will be able to replace her role in Christopher's life or what I had with her. And that’s okay. But... while I pursued all these women for the wrong reasons, I never realized that Shannon wasn't the only reason why things never worked out."

Eddie takes a deep breath and takes another step closer to Buck. "There was always this small part of me that knew that no matter what happened with my relationships, it didn't matter because you would always be there - for me and Christopher. But I never really considered that this," Eddie makes a quick motion between him and Buck, "could even be an option. And I feel..." He trails off as he stares at Buck.

"Uncomfortable?" Buck asks slightly cowering in on himself, prepared for the mental hit Eddie's answer will be.

Eddie gives him a flat look, completely shutting down all of Buck's thoughts. "Like an idiot," he states as if it's the most obvious answer. Eddie crosses his arms and takes another step toward him. "I mean, I’ve always known you were attractive. Sometimes I would wonder what it would be like to be one of your girlfriends – especially when they didn’t treat you right. I would imagine what I would do if I was them.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, “Hell, I used to call Ana your name often enough that Chris tried to make it an inside joke. At the bachelor party, I really should've known though because as soon as I saw you and Tommy together I felt... awful." Eddie laughs and shakes his head. "For a minute there, I was confused as hell wondering if I was suddenly homophobic."

Buck can't help but burst out laughing.

"It's true!" Eddie laughs and hits Buck on the arm. "I had to reevaluate my feelings when Karen and Hen walked in, and I became very aware that it was just a you and Tommy thing. Then, I thought maybe I was just jealous seeing you close to Tommy or maybe seeing Tommy close to you. But that didn't really make sense because I've been so excited whenever you hit it off with anyone else in my life."

"So, how did you rationalize that thought?" Buck asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I got blackout drunk and didn't think about it again." The answer is so immediate that Buck can't help but laugh again. Eddie smiles at him and nudges him on the shoulder. "I should say, I didn't think about it again until about half an hour or so ago"

Buck can't help but look at him a bit bashfully. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be," Eddie says, hand landing on Buck's shoulder. "Don't ever be sorry about telling me how you feel even if it sends me into an identity crisis of sorts."

Buck cocks his head to the side. "Identity crisis meaning...?"

"I might be into guys?" Eddie says more as a question than an answer, but it still makes Buck's heart skip a beat. "I'm not sure," Eddie confesses. He pauses, eyes roaming over Buck before breathing out, "I think I might just be into you."

Buck's brain lags for a few seconds as he processes what he's been dreaming about hearing practically since he met Eddie. After replaying the words in his head a few times, he can't help but ask, "Might?" But before Eddie can answer, Buck leans over far enough to set his glass down and effectively crowd into Eddie's space, "Because I know a way for us to confirm that you're definitely into me."

"Is that so?" Eddie asks, an amused smile gracing his face. The hand on Buck's shoulder slowly yet firmly travels up his shoulder to the back of his neck. "Do you want to show me?"

Buck doesn't trust any words that are about to come out of his mouth, so he lets out a shaky breath and nods, already feeling his cheeks flush and his eyelashes flutter involuntarily.

Eddie raises his eyebrows at him, and they both share a moment of this is really about to happen.

As they move closer together, Buck is sure something is going to interrupt them - like an alarm or an unwanted knock on the door.

But Buck's nose brushes against Eddie's gently, and then there's a breath shared between them before their lips connect gently.

Buck breathes in sharply, heart pounding in his chest, and Eddie responds by weaving his other arm around Buck's waist and pulling him in deeper as if he's trying to make them one whole entity. And who is Buck to deny him his wish?

Buck suddenly remembers that he also has arms which he uses to cup Eddie's face, and then he backs them up until his back is suddenly colliding with Eddie's fridge.

Eddie pulls back momentarily to make sure he's okay, and Buck laughs breathlessly before pulling him back in.

It feels like his first time on the job as a firefighter, the first time he and Eddie truly worked together as a team, and the first time he met Christopher. It feels right.

Buck smiles so wide that he has to pull away with a laugh that sounds almost like a sob, but he doesn't try to stop the happy tears that escape - especially when he sees Eddie in a similar state.

They both stare at each other in disbelief for a moment as they laugh and pull each other into a hug.

"I definitely just like you," Eddie chokes out.

Buck laughs and squeezes Eddie a little tighter.

They linger in the hug for a few moments longer than they usually would, swaying slightly. They slowly pull back to look at each other before resting their foreheads together. “This is real, right?” Buck questions quietly.

He can feel Eddie nod before he says, “It better be.”

Buck laughs softly. He pulls back and notices a faraway look in Eddie’s eyes. “You okay?”

Eddie nods and looks down. “I just wish Chris was here for this. He would probably roll his eyes at me and tell me that you were right in front of me the whole time. Or maybe he’d also feel like an idiot for not realizing that you’re all we need.”

Buck cups Eddie’s face again and redirects his gaze at him. “Hey, we’ll get to know what he thinks soon, okay? In the meantime, don’t you think it’s better that we work out all the kinks of turning what we had into something more before getting Chris involved?”

Eddie nods and laughs softly. “Of course, you already want to fix what we have before it's really begun.”

“I’m the guy who likes to fix things,” Buck says with a smile. “But I don’t think there’s much to fix here, you know?”

“Other than the years of dates, kisses, and declarations of love that I need to make up for,” Eddie comments cheesily.

Buck cocks his head to the side and feels his cheeks turning red. “Wow. Eddie Diaz is a romantic.”

“For you, I sure am,” Eddie flirts.

Buck can almost hear Christopher groaning at the line. “Declarations of love?” Buck recalls out loud.

A pinch forms between Eddie’s brows. “Yeah. You know that I love you.”

Buck frowns and tilts his head. “Really? Because I don’t think we’ve ever truly said that to each other.”

Eddie looks off as if trying to recall every moment they’ve spent together. He frowns and looks at Buck. “Another thing that should’ve made things obvious to us.” Buck laughs as Eddie smiles and grabs his shoulder. “But, just so you’re totally aware, Evan… I love you.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks with a big smile, already pulling Eddie back in for another kiss.

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles against his lips.

A few moments later, Buck quickly pulls away and says, “I love you, too, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Buck laughs, “Good. But I’m still going to spend as long as I can proving to you that I love you more than you know. That I love you and Christopher more than you both know.”

Eddie smiles at him so sweetly that Buck almost forgets that he’s allowed to openly stare – more than that… he gets to openly stare at that smile forever. “And we’re going to do the same for you.” There’s a pause before Eddie gets a slight mischievous glint in his eye. “Just try to refrain from calling me ‘Bobby,’ okay?”

Buck sighs and rolls his eyes, pulling away to put his glass in the sink.

There’s a sudden loud chime, and a moment later Eddie gasps.

Buck turns to find Eddie turning the phone to him with a text from Christopher reading I’m ready to come home Dad. Love you.

“Scratch what we said about working out the kinks?” Buck says with a breathless laugh.

Eddie nods and kisses him. “Let’s go get our kid.”

#sorry this one is so lengthy oops #buddie #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck buckley #buck x eddie #911 abc #911 #911 show #buddie 911 #buddie ao3 #originally was supposed to be like crack treated serious then it got so serious

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qiu-yan · 24 hours

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2 and 21 for mdzs please?

sorry for the wait!

choose violence ask game

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

in terms of "compelling" arguments, i've got nothing. in terms of bullshit arguments i pulled out of my ass, though....

of course, the easy way out is to argue that jiang cheng is asexual and therefore would never come into sexual contact with anyone. an equally easy way out is to argue that jiang cheng is so rizzless that, even if he wanted to top or bottom, no one would do it with him....that's the easy way out of this question, though.

my own opinion is that, if jiang cheng were attracted to men and/or had a partner who was into pegging, he would have way too much internalized homophobia to give bottoming a try. even if he somehow got over himself enough to admit that he was into men (already impossible), he would still buy into the ancient-greek school of thought on homosexuality, wherein "ackshually it's only gay if you're on the bottom." he would be fully convinced that, if he were to bottom - and worse, if he were to enjoy it - he would become Less Man on an existential level. this would absolutely kill him inside, would make him actively more homophobic than if he were just straight or asexual, and would make him a nightmare for any other man to hook up with.

but of course, the more you adamantly refuse to even consider something - the more you fear something, in other words - the more you end up obsessing over it. if jiang cheng were actually hooking up with men in this scenario (entirely possible because he's like 6ft tall and probably can host because he's rich, which makes him a prime catch in the eyes of like 90% of grindr), he would adamantly refuse to bottom. he'd declare himself a hard top. but would he actually enjoy himself? or would he, as he topped in a lackluster manner whichever men were unfortunate enough to give him a chance, imagine himself in their position - first with disgust, as he told himself he was different than them; then with terror, as he feared that he might one day end up in their position; and then with something else?

because jiang cheng's fear - that he might one day bottom and enjoy it - would quickly mutate into a full-on psychosexual obsession with the concept of bottoming itself. because it's repression king jiang cheng we're talking about, said obsession would eventually become one of those things you're so afraid of that your fear ends up wrapping back around and turning into a fetish. because it's jiang cheng we're talking about, this would then lead to him actually bottoming one day. and then, because it's jiang cheng we're talking about and the universe hates him, he would actually end up enjoying it.

does his mindset change? maybe. or maybe he just becomes Worse.

i feel like i've ended up doing the opposite of answer the question.....sorry.....these are my honest thoughts, though.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

i'm going to get killed for this, but that's the purpose of this ask game, so i'll be honest....."lan wangji as Love Interest." of course, by this i do not mean to say "lan wangji himself." rather, what i mean is the way in which lan wangji is a "love interest" first and a "character" second. in my view, the story is only really interested in lan wangji as "the guy who loves wei wuxian and is unquestioningly devoted to him," rather than interested in lan wangji as a character in his own right.

of course, the story spills a lot of ink on how much lan wangji loves wei wuxian, how much lan wangji has sacrificed for wei wuxian, how unquestioningly devoted lan wangji is to wei wuxian, and so on. and while this is all true and good, in my view, there are also several other interesting angles in lan wangji's story worth exploring. however, these angles instead seem rather neglected by the story, which appears to only want to discuss "lan wangji's devotion to his One True Love."

some angles i consider to be interesting, and which i felt like went underexplored in canon:

how much of lan wangji's support of wei wuxian is because he believed wei wuxian was right, and how much of it is because he loves wei wuxian and does not want to lose wei wuxian again? where does lan wangji's personal romantic love end and his moral compass begin? the novel equates [standing with wei wuxian] with [being righteous], but it is exceedingly easy to design a situation where the morally righteous path entails sacrificing wei wuxian in some way - how would lan wangji behave in such a situation? if wei wuxian himself had not protected the wen remnants (due to canon divergence or whatever), would lan wangji have spoken up for the wen remnants?

to what degree does lan wangji agree with wei wuxian's actions and consider said actions to be morally justified? comparatively, to what degree does lan wangji consider wei wuxian's actions to be morally questionable, and simply wants to shoulder wei wuxian's sins with him out of love? does lan wangji know and/or believe that wei wuxian killing jin zixuan was a genuine accident? if he does not know, does he care?

what does lan wangji's relationship with his family look like? on one hand, in his failed bid to save wei wuxian, he injured 33 of his own sect's elders, which under confucian principles is a massive wrongdoing. have the injuries of these elders healed? does lan wangji feel guilty? on the other hand, lan wangji's family betrayed both him and the moral principles they espoused, by first nearly whipping lan wangji to death and then joining the first siege of the burial mounds. does lan wangji resent his family for this? does he resent lan xichen and lan qiren, or does he understand that they had argued the punishment down from execution? is that why, after lan xichen's world shattered at the guanyin temple in yunping, lan wangji was able to immediately leave the premises with wei wuxian in tow, without once checking in on his brother?

what does lan wangji think of his late parents? does he want to know why his mother killed his father's teacher, or would he rather not know? does his family keep the knowledge from him, or does he avoid the knowledge himself? what does he think of his father's actions - to him, is his father someone who fell from the path of duty and righteousness for the sake of love, someone who selfishly abandoned his duties and forced his responsibilities onto his younger brother, and/or someone who imprisoned lan wangji's mother against her will and perhaps even forced himself onto her? does lan wangji know whether or not he was conceived consensually? does this bother him?

given the whole history of lan wangji's parents, how does lan wangji view his own, how should i say, sexual interests? lan wangji did once pin down a struggling wei wuxian and forcibly kiss him; would lan wangji make a connection between the nonconsensual nature of this deed and the imprisonment of his mother? furthermore, wang and xian's relationship postcanon seems to have an element of d/s and noncon roleplay to it (which i'm not judging them for, good for them); would that also remind lan wangji of how his father and his father's sect brought about the imprisonment of his mother? or are these two separate things entirely?

in my view, these are all highly interesting aspects of lan wangji's story - and all of these are implied by details given in canon. however, canon shirks discussing these aspects of lan wangji's character in favor of focusing on him as the Male Lead: rather than explore any of these angles, which would further define lan wangji as a person, canon seems far more interested in single-mindedly focusing on how sad lan wangji was that wei wuxian died, how tragic the loss of his One True Love was, and how wholeheartedly happy lan wangji is now that wei wuxian has come back and returns his feelings.

to me, it feels like this guy got sanded down from a "full individual" to a "love interest." it feels to me like the story gives us some details about lan wangji's own life, but then nonetheless insists on reducing him from a person in his own right to a satellite that revolves around wei wuxian (the story's real favorite). because of this, MDZS the novel read as less the wei wuxian and lan wangji story, and more the Wei Wuxian story starring Wei Wuxian, in which lan wangji is a love interest first and a person second.

i forget if i said this before or if i read it from someone else's blog, but it does feel like, if you want to love lan wangji on his own, you have to do a lot of the heavy lifting yourself. or at the very least scrub all the male lead energy off of him first, so that the individual underneath can be revealed.

#yanyan answers #yanyan speaks #yanyan haterpost

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e-dubbc11 · 3 days

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Good morning love! I am SO excited for this event and you're prolly gonna hate me, but I'm all in for the angst right now (damn hormones!) so let's go with song selection of Burning House by Cam, with the one and only Billy Russo.

PS: my son's birthday is Sept 29th too!! <3

Hello my love!! Thank you SO much for following me, reading my fics and being such a kind friend to me, I appreciate you! ♥️ And happy early birthday to your son as well! ♥️

So I listened to the song on repeat one morning while getting ready for work and I had to dry my eyes a few times trying to put my makeup on. You really did go for the angst for billy, didn’t you! I hope you like what I did here and did justice to your ask. I’ll link the song at the end. And you know I could never ever hate you 😘

I know the song is called Burning House but the ocean also inspired this one.

Drowning

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: Angst, a lot of it, crying, death (in a way)

Word Count: 1.2K-ish

Summary: Your reoccurring dream haunts you every night. Maybe you said some things you shouldn’t have and wonder if you’ve made a mistake.

As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

The world was silent except for the lapping of the miniature waves as they calmly knocked against your body. There was a sense of peace to it yet eerie and unknown. The lack of sound encompassed everything, there were no cries for help, no erratic splashing, and no signs of rescue or wreckage from a boat.

It was just you…all alone.

There weren’t any stars to decorate the night sky, just like on all the other nights you had this dream. It was just a blanket of navy, the sky blended seamlessly down into the ocean with a silvery claw of a moon directly above you.

It was the only light against the darkness which wasn’t much.

But there wasn’t anything for miles, in any direction. No land, no light, and not a soul in sight.

These dreams, or more accurately, nightmares, had no real beginning, all you could recall was that as soon as your eyes opened inside the dream, you couldn’t breathe, you were struggling underwater and had to quickly swim to the surface before you ran out of air.

Once you reached the surface, you inhaled sharply to catch your breath, and frantically looked around for something or someone to hold on to but there wasn’t anything or anyone. There was only a vast space with nothing on the horizon from what you could see of it.

The weight of your clothing made it difficult to keep your head above water as you did your best to rotate your legs like an eggbeater, pushing the water underneath your bottom so your head would remain on top of the water.

The lack of wind created more silence which you didn’t know was possible and that’s when the fear and panic set in. Which direction were you supposed to swim in? Toward land? You didn’t see any!

The water chilled you to the bone which made your muscles tight like thick rubber bands and afraid to use them in fear they may snap in half. And who knows what lurked beneath your feet? It could be wildlife or rip currents…you shuddered to think.

But you had to at least TRY to save yourself.

The highly flavored taste of salt was in the air, not just in the water as it splashed against your lips. Gliding on your side, you forcefully pushed the water away from you, propelling you forward and hoping you were headed in the right direction.

After swimming for awhile, you could hear a faint call for help ahead of you. Was there someone else that was stranded and trying to get to safety? Or was your hearing deceiving you?

The faded ethereal glow of the crescent moon gave you some light and in the distance you could see a figure waving his hands in the air, the white shirt he was wearing made it easier to see him.

The man looked familiar and as you swam closer, you realized why. The handsome face, short well-groomed beard, with eyes and hair that matched the late night sky…it was the man you once loved, and his name was Billy Russo.

Your on again, off again relationship with Billy had become too much for you to handle and it was you who ended it this time but you said some things to him that were out of line and that he didn’t deserve.

But you couldn’t take them back, those words were hurtful and no apology in the world could make you move on and forget about them as if nothing happened.

You did it for selfish reasons, to make yourself feel better, and convinced yourself that it was the best thing for you to do. But in the aftermath, you regretted it, wondered if there could have been a better way to handle it, and you had been lost ever since.

Lost in your dreams of a dark, wide open ocean with no direction of where to go or anyone to help you get home.

But there he was, calling out to you for help, and you thought you could make peace and apologize in your dreams by saving him. But while you were free to try and swim to shore, he was confined to stay there…forever.

His ankle was chained to a weight that went straight to the ocean floor and no matter how hard you tried, there was no way for you to get it off and free him.

“Save yourself, sweet girl.” Said Billy, calmly.

His words slipped into your heart like a piece of broken glass, the ache in your chest would be permanent, and you’d never forgive yourself for it if you left him to die alone.

Billy had been alone for his entire life. He didn’t have family or friends except for the Castle family. He would tell you all the time that he didn’t need relationships or want them. “They make you weak.” He would say.

He kept coming back to you, though.

But his constant mood swings and fits of jealousy kept giving you whiplash and you finally had enough.

“You don’t give anyone a reason to love you. You don’t love anyone except yourself and that’s why you’ll probably die alone. You have to deserve to be loved.” You had said.

You were angry and you didn’t mean it but you couldn’t take it back. His physical wounds from his childhood and from war had faded, still visible but faded.

Those awful words you had hissed cut him more deeply than any bullet ever could and they weren’t true. When bones are broken, they heal stronger than they were before but a broken heart never quite heals the same. The pieces never fit exactly as they had before.

Your dreams were a way you could be with him, make everything right, and to make sure he wouldn’t die alone. They were a way you could fix it all.

Telling him to save his strength was useless, he would use his energy to kiss you and tell you he loved you and you reciprocated, using all of your energy to do the same.

Both of you were incredibly stubborn.

“I won’t leave you, Billy.” You would tell him. “Ever again.”

You and Billy fought tirelessly to try and stay above water but eventually, your strength was going to give out, the muscles in your arms and legs burned like white hot fire and felt like they had been shredded to pieces rendering you unable to keep yourself up.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, but at least you were together when the ocean finally opened up and swallowed you whole.

That’s when you would wake up, still confused, still lost, and still not knowing what to do. It made you sob every single time.

These chilling dreams would continue night after night until you fixed what was broken. Was it possible to fix it? Or was it too late? Would he forgive you? COULD he forgive you?

There was only one way to find out.

I've been sleepwalking

Been wandering all night

Trying to take what’s lost and broken

And make it right

I've been sleepwalking

Too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

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