#all the small things || musings

[crikeycrymini]

tag dump 1 !

[walkingstackofbooks]

Julian can't really explain why he misses his mum, after she leaves the station, but now she's gone, there's just some sort of... absence, he can't put his finger on.

He finds himself daydreaming about how she'd always used to sit herself down next to him, and pull him in for a hug, holding onto him no matter how much he'd wriggle or try to squirm away. And it's not like he wants that - even the past few days, he knows he's disappointed her in his need to get away - but at the same time... he wants. He doesn't know what he wants, but there's something, some need just tugging at him...

He paces around his room as he thinks, before sinking down against a wall, pulling his legs tightly against his chest. He's been doing that more, recently, too. He's not sure why - it's not exactly comfortable, and he doesn't have the words to explain how it does make him feel. More solid, perhaps. Less... less Julian, actually. Less pressure, less doctor-this, doctor-that; less war and secrets and fear. More Jules.

--

A couple of days later, after the others find out— (because it's been a week, now, but Sisko was kind enough to grant him some time to process it all, before he told them. Not that he's processed it yet, hah, and he's sitting in Quark's terrified that his friends are going to come down from Sisko's office and find him and tell him it's over, they can't be friends with an augment. Maybe they've even persuaded Miles, made him see how wrong his reaction was to try and support Julian...)

— after the others find out, Jadzia walks into Quark's and makes a beeline for him. She squeezes into the booth, right up next to him, and puts an arm around him, and all at once he wants to push her away, or start crying, or both, and he doesn't know why, because he also never, ever wants to let go of her.

[avichor]

small activity notice + heads up! if it wasn’t already obvious my presence here has been embarrassingly sporadic and it’ll remain that way until mid-december! it’s also no secret that my attention span is absolute shite, which means the level of focus i have per blog, per muse, and per conversation fluctuates. i will blog hop, and i knoooooow it can be obnoxious to keep up with, it will not stop i fear </3

[mainepdf]

how does anyone think about property investing without feeling absolutely miserable about the state of our capitalist society

[iniziare]

Reminder to self when I've done some more writing: Remind people that I'm canon-strict, what that means, and how I guess it means that I'm reclaiming yet another term that has been rendered as being something akin to negative by the masses. Better known as, a... 'lore purist'. Hi, yes, that's me! Hi, hello, my name is Sae, how do you do?

[nieranddear]

Rereading the dialog that is said during suppressions. Abel specifically says 'Loved Ones' as he speaks about those in the upper layer's demise and their struggle and urging to stop as continuing on is futile. Abram says 'colleagues'. 'Coworkers'. He does refer to them as 'Friends' once as well. But every other dialog is about Carmen or generalizing and saying 'everyone' rather than specifics. It just feels odd a bit to where he uses less strong terms when referring to relations with people and then afterwards only refers to Carmen by name rather than those still existing beside him. Even when it was stated by a facet of A and others (I can only remember Hokma off the top of my head. It may be only him which would make sense) refer to A having seen them as specifically 'Loved Ones'. Which is a far stronger showing and expression of emotion to those around you.

It makes me think of how he, Abram, expressed his desires, the desire to die [see: 'sink'/'sleep' for he explicitly refers to death consistently as slumber and when bringing the dead back 'waking them up'] and stop, in that moment. He constantly brings up, in general terms, self punishment and Carmen. Guilt that is carried with Carmen. Memories of her death, her passing. Of how she left without a smile. Of how she can no longer bask in the warmth of the sun she loved to do so frequently. Yet only of Carmen in name. Never anyone else or specifics of people, generalizations when referring to others and referring to them all inside a group, as a collective. Them and then Carmen. Focused on only that. On the fact he cannot move forward. Urging to just shut the eyes and to simply Sink. To Sleep. To die. It reminds me of when one goes ahead and becomes so interlaced with suffering and grief and despair that one simply stews inside of it, spiraling down further into that single train of thought. Holding onto the image of a dead and deceased one. It feels as if, in a more crude way of saying it as I cannot formulate a different way currrently at the moment, searching of 'justification' and a fitting reason to commit suicide. [I say Justification as what I really mean to say a 'fitting reason', that reason and end seeming to Be the Only way to continue, or lack of continue, at that point to him.] Rather than saying the names or specifics of those around him, of his loved ones still inside those metal boxes, he becomes enveloped in grief and only on Carmen. Abram's mistake which he fixates the most upon. Holds deep guilt for. Blames himself for. Saying he drove her to her death. That he is leaving her behind [I didnt save the exact quote but it was generally that]. When those inside the facility are people he also so clearly values and wished to bring back as well he, at this moment, primarily focuses on Carmen. Even when he does address the others it's in a more brief manner, having two pieces of dialog on the Sephirot specifically and it only relating to his Faults relating to them than the people themself when he speaks of Carmen in a more in depth manner. Perhaps it's still the wish clinging of to not hold trust in anyone. But it feels reminiscent to when a person tries to push themself and gain 'courage' to commit suicide. Of focusing only on the guilt and regret and the mourning of one already gone, who was so near and dear whom he did all of this for in the first place his desire only stemming from her and not the project itself, especially one who also killed herself, to go ahead and die as well. Perhaps it's not even an active thing he does in his mind. It's just become so overbearing that he has now gotten stuck in that never ending loop. Using far more stronger language of the woman dead and gone who he wishes to rejoin than of those currently alive and near to him, making them feel far more distant than they actually are mentally – at least in relations and connections wise. Depression does tend to tear down what one feels towards their loved ones and how they process and view relationships causing for people to exhibit such a thing by feeling distant in a room or alone with a loved one nearby as commonly known – and physically. I'm not saying that's 'totally what it is' or the sort. More of that reading it over again just reminded me of such a thing. Nothing revolutionary but more ramblings to process it all after it ended

[bxtonpxss]

Like this for a one-liner.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

second question actually hey do you think people Know that muse is controlled. do people know that there's Nothing going on up in there and he's just a thing being piloted/puppeted/used by the trickster. or do people think that he is actively a person who is Choosing to do all this... side note almost accidentally it/its-ed muse here and i'm really feeling Some kind of way about that actually!!!!!! lays down and dies.

GOD OKAY. HM. both of those are so fucking good. god. i mean i think the people who Know Him (wards, mark, tide, etc) know that its not him. he would never do that. and besides the wards saw him with the trickster before he was even muse so theyd know he was controlled and would probably tell their divorced dads (or. tide at least) BUT LIKE. TO EVERYONE ELSE??????? WHO KNOWS. god. i mean like. the puppet strings Are visible so i think anyone with any familiarity with the tricksters powers would recognize it. but for the people who dont know the trickster..... i think they'd just see muse as his own person unless told otherwise. fuck!

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

alright. know what? with Secrets of the Obscure right around the corner and plenty of new Mists-related sky island settings coming with it, I'll just bite the bullet and interest-check a little something I've been turning in my head for a long, long while.

would YOU be interested in a Mists-based GW2 roleplay guild that uses a lore compliant multiverse system to allow canon, canon-adjacent, lore-breaking, and otherwise 'contradictory' muses to coexist in the same setting?

simply put: every writer's cast would be set in their own self-contained universe. as such, everyone could bring whatever muses they want with their own personal headcanons, and no one could dictate what is or isn't canon for anyone else. so long as your muses are GW2-based, you're good to go! bring your Commanders, bring your canon-divergent OCs, bring your canon muses-- and yes, even the ones that are 'supposed' to be dead. who can say what might have happened in a strange world far across the Mists, after all?

neutral hubs and in-character safety guardrails would be in place to keep all muses on a relatively even playing field regardless of their power, history, and prestige, too. play hardball if you like, but it might not end quite the way you'd hope. the main rule would be to maintain good OOC etiquette at all times: no godmodding, no metagaming, no theft, don't blend IC and OOC, and so-on.

if that sounds like something you might have interest in, please interact with this post! and if you've got questions or concerns, I'd love to hear them; feel free to send an ask or a DM, or just reply to this post!

[oculusxcaro]

Still lacking the energy to write due to extra overtime but what a time for motivation to start rearing it's head. Sudden urge to write... something, maybe Khare finally revealing her injuries (and mutation) to somebody close.

[mad-hunts]

thinking about barton doing baby talk to his kids, even though he was eighteen when marcy gave birth to both matilda + louis and thus was a COMPLETELY different person, is honestly both super surreal to me and also surprisingly... sort of makes sense. because barton can NOT bring himself to be mean around babies; i mean at all, and this man loved his kids so much, which 😭 well — let me just say that his behavior has greatly changed since then, to say the least. though barton still believes he loves them in his 'own way'

[dragontamer05]

No lie I can't recall the last time I did like just one long continuous thread.

Like sure still doing small side stuff, asks ect but just idk but also letting muses grow and develop through one long continuous - and not always having to say resort to completely dropping if whatever currently is going on has run its course and instead just time skip with it but let it keep going.

And I say this as some one who is also 100% happy to time skip and jump around.

And hey you want to go back in time and explore a scenario that could have happened earlier in their relationship / knowing each other

or jump forward to something way later or even just explore a what if scenario that doesn't have to happen but could depending how things go/ how we feel about it ect

Hell yah love it all - trying to have some time line consistency is good obviously and as long as we can agree on even a loose idea of How they got to Y or where X fits and what not then sure.

Am fine with even the longest of threads eventually getting a wrap up if things simply happen to feel right in the moment and is what gets decided, doesn't have to be an infinite thread - certainly not about to force one to go on if its reached a point it kinda feels dead but idk call me easily attached but there's sometimes where I can still find / feels like their might be still potential to be found in a thread and all it needs is a bit of tweaking.

The chapter came to an end but the book isn't over kinda thing. Maybe all it needs is a small time skip / scene change but there's still things to be explored within said plot/scenario / whatever is going on with the characters - that would still also work/fit within said thread instead of separating.

Similarly but kind of reverse is I am equally as happy generally to return to threads that were long previously dropped/abandoned. Whether cause someone wasn't feeling it any more or simply we ran into a writing wall and at the time were lost on how to continue it so was better not to force it. But if something new comes along be it from plotting / just newer interactions or simply with having time away from it whatever the reason if a spark suddenly arises and hey suddenly what if we connected - old thread to new idea - or any other reason to want to answer/continue go for it.

idk mostly I this is was just a really long rambly way of saying how I miss long threads. Short quick snippets are fun and fine but 9/10 I promise i am very much interested and fine with carrying a thread for as long and far as it'll go.

[the-mjolnir-owner]

Muse Profile: Thor Odinson

Tagged by: @spideymn ♥ Tagging: @therapardalis @ofcrimsonenchantresses @killerqueenwidow @dr-foster @stripesofbrooklyn @shieldretired @cordeliabarton @benevolentgodloki @blindbastard @kissedbymischief @strangerthxnfiction @helreginn @madeofstxrs @defectivexfragmented

[spardante]

THIS IS WHO HE IS AT HIS CORE:　　A MAN WHO GIVES OTHERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.　his heart has been warring between cold blue-gray hesitancy　&　the fervid desire to help.　what could he have done?　refuse his ex-friend a safe place to land,　leave her to roam these streets,　hunted by the very people who want her gone?　the same streets where every corner breathes the decay of crime,　where one wrong move could seal her fate?　Dick is not stupid　—　he’d seen the headlines,　the seedy rumors circulating her name,　all twisted around the brutal killing of a corporate giant whose hands were no cleaner than her own.　whether she did it or not,　he isn’t one hundred percent sure.　all he knows is that she cannot afford to be seen;　the city is too eager to paint her guilty.　in his apartment,　she’s safe from prying eyes　&　suspicious glances.

what’s a little more danger when he’s already neck-deep in it?　after all,　Dick’s always had a knack for turning the tables,　for finding a way to make the chaos work in his favor.

he returns home via the well-loved fire escape.　it feels as though he is suspended in some disorienting dream until he presses down on his shoulder,　where he feels the telltale throb of a bruise forming.　he grounds himself in the reality of pain.　frustration gnaws at him;　unbidden,　his thoughts has wandered during patrol,　and that distraction has cost him.　tonight’s rewards are sore muscles,　stiff joints,　and the odd bruise.　lately,　there’s another constant reminder of this new chapter:　an extra toothbrush sits in the holder on his bathroom counter,　right next to his own.　a spare key is on the hook by the door,　ready for hands that aren’t his.　there’s even a row of notes,　tacked to the fridge with mismatched magnets,　reminders of his schedule scribbled hastily but left intentionally,　each one proof that he’s not in this alone.

absentmindedly,　he scratches the underside of Haley’s chin,　the spoiled pup responding with eager nudges for more.　　❛　You two had any fun while I was gone?　❜　　he says,　gaze fixed on Haley,　but the question is meant more for Kira than the pup.　Dick needs to know what clock he’s outrunning.　　❛　I’ve got some good news and some...　less-than-good news.　❜　　he approaches her with the same restraint he uses for cornered animals.　which,　alright,　fair approach,　given their circumstances.　but that’s not him.　that’s not the person he wants to be.　　❛　Which one do you want first?　❜

A STARTER FOR SHIROGANE KIRA　　＊　　@wistrea

[dreamofbecoming]

thinking about how my dad graduated high school in 1984 and went to college in boston, and he used to stay up late to snag free tickets on the college radio station to basement shows with like. the cars and fuckin. john gorka and shit. and how he used to hang out at coffee shops and bars and listen to tracy chapman play right before she made it big.

thinking about steve and eddie visiting nancy at emerson and catching a coffee shop open mic. thinking about how fast car would probably hit them both like a truck, for similar and also different reasons.

just thinking.

[oblitum]

Me realising the character trait I associate Bryn with the most is snarling and idk that's pretty funny to me.

... Ig she's always been a feral little thing. 🙄