#all the fuckinjg time

[gayspock]

chanting idgaf idgaf idgaf and walking in circlessssss 😌🙏

the ten billion crises i go through every friday night or whatever

[art-farting]

Spring Comes, A Mender Of Things by @wordsdrippinginink is a blessing I never knew I needed. 

Follow The Progress??

[kekisu]

new carrd :DDDD

[erzvolnes]

GOD i miss my brother

[gayspock]

ehrm

ithink thats the crazy thing too idontknow how to fucking bring myself to tell people i want to explode your fucking head . whatever my endless list goes neverending fucking cosmic cycles forcingyourself to try and like something try to find it in you to care everyone keep saying youre this fucking shallow you have no meaning in your life i cant find anything i keep fucking spinning my own wheels try to find people i keep trying i havent seen anyone in weeks again i just feel alienated every time i try to be with people ive tried so many times it feels like an endless exhausting fucking cycle until im consumed by it its in your head its fucking not in my head i keep thinkignabout how easily im left out how easily im forgotten i just feel so , so much fucking worse when i remember how fucking much i really cant just fucking exist and i cant fuckinmg keep up with it any more i slip out of existence so cleanly people dont notice and its fine to everyone because for all the "we wouldnt notice if you were gone"s the world can offer i dont think its evermeant anything but me i think i should try at something again lets do tjhat i do it for months i keep at it it makes no difference i fuckinjg hate it i resent it im not meant to fucking be so fucking overwhelmed by inadequacy i need ot fucking handle it but tis the only thing i feel like i can do endless fucking fail after fucking fail but fucking god christ just fill your fuckingdays with something but theres no one there and i hate doing it and i cant fucking handle it on my own i fucking sit there alone in my room i'm menat to fucking try one of these again its so fucking pointless everyoneelse can fucking cope (im not allowed to say that haha! xD) (everyone else is lonely they say ive not made human contacxt in weeks ive not spent time with someone irl for years i dont think ive ever had a friend thats existed outside of proximity and eventhen i can barely manage ) i fucking think about the stupid fucking headspins i can get myself in and how at the end of the day its just embarrassing it never mattersoutside of these 4 walls and im the only guy in here and i dont think i matter at all i think whatever the fuck i think about allthe multitudes of reasons people have dont kill yourself because of x, y, z hwo it never means anything theres never been a tangible reason other than the single fact youre so fucking scared youregoing to fuck that up to and you odntknow whats going to happen when you do but youre not meant to say that one youre meant to be yoruself youre meant to behonest but none of this is allowed i think i think x, y, z is meant to bewhat keeps you alive oh but thinkabout how much life you have left to live! i think about it stretching befgore me and im so so fuckingafraid and distraught i think i go catatonic for hours thinking about how its endless how im alone for these many years how its more years of foricng this shit along lets think about how many people would care i think i might endit i think im about to go feral and kill you right now think about whatyouve done with your life i fucking feel like im going to lose ittheres is. nothing. that. helps because there is not theres like the simple fact and thatsthat and theres no out of it im stuckkk heeheee

[gayspock]

anyways

sorry we're going to really embarrass ourselvestonight see its fucking times like this when i think about being alone for the rest of my life like i really, really fucking think about it and how its not just disgusting loser sobbing and empty fucking nights, fuck me i feel so fucking invisible, but all the fucking time and energy that goes into just being alive thats so fucking hard to sustain by yourself stupid fucking bullshit by yourself already being a very fucking useless human being its not fucking fair that it all fucking compounds makes it all so much fucking harder, and everythings so much fucking harder to fucking do, it takes so much fucking energy to fucking maintain what for fuckinjg what for what fucking purpose i dont fucking know!!! and its so so fucking embarrassing crying about this shit the fucking overwhelming fucking mess around me that i cant fucking manage but theres no one to fucking turn to for anything and therenever will be im stuck with it forever and im going to fucking shoot myself in the fucking head i swear ot fucking god i just fucking sit hereand think about it fucking suffocating me in because whats the fucking alternative i cant do this i cant fucking do this my whole life waking up all your energy fucking sunk into fucking nothing just to fucking keep your fucking stupid, miserable fucking head on your shoulders and theres nothing fucking at the end but more shit fucking screaming at you to be done and its forever its sooo forever cant fucking barely stay afloat by yourself nevermind fucking dig yourself out of whatever fucking hole youre supposedly in even if it was fucking possible to do so and what else is there fucking try today try to fucking do something and it just feels like every time youre fucking punted back 100 feet. over fucking nothing.

i keep trying to fucking better it i do but its just so laughably fucking bad i dont fucking want to fucking sit here and fucking keep swallowing it . i try to fucking keep my head on its really fucking embarrassing it really fucking is but im barely fucking palatable as a fucking person and i know i know i KNOW icant fucking express anything like fucking ACTUALLY say anyhting because im ALREADY so fucking alienated and i feel like im being suffocated but i fucking think about how im a fucking rotted cunt and nothing but and i cant fucking fix any of it i cant fucking do it i dont fucking have enough in me im not enough as a person i do not fucking give a rats ass and i cannot fucking do it and then more shit gets added and its so fucking helpless i and i dont know why i keep fucking forcing myself other than this fucking debilitating fear that if i fuck That up too no matter how much crazy obsessive planning its going to be like everything else whether i try or i dont im going to end up in some fucking hellish purgatory on earth its gonna go wrong and i know i will somehow fuck it up i cant seem to fucking get anything right and again i feel like every time i fucking spiral and spiral its just a fucking joke which is ironically such a fucking self-important thing because like i dont know why im like thinking that people pay that much fucking attention thats the irrational one i know they dont but even still the fucking scraps of acknowledgement the knowledge of what everyonewould fuckuing say of what they have said and i still feel like im being fucking laughed at for being an overdramatic loser whos creating their own fucking problems whos just fucking not listening whos fucking stupid and its really fucking funny its always just a fucking joke and i cant get away from it and i fucking want to punch someones fucking lights out sometimes i really fucking do i wantto hurt someone sometimes because i cant get any other fucking attention and i cant fucking feel anything but fucking intense self loathing and i just want to dig into it further and reallyi really want to fucking run away and be alone somewhere i fucking hate how fucking lonely everything is i fuckinghate it i dont know whats wrong with me or why im never enough to fucking even halfway manage fucking anything i cant find anything that helps i know im not fucking trying UYEAAHH SUREEE IM NOTTRYINGGG i feel like every fucking time i try to give anything a chance i just end up ashamed and hurt and upset and embarrassed no matterhow much fucking grace i afford myself and im so so burnt out and its like ohhhh its fine you dont have to be perfect i jsut want ONE fucking thing to feel good or to last or to mean something and not just feel this sick fucking disgust at myself and upset and this fucking harrowing fucking feeling of rejection and something something always fucking feeling isolated i wish it wasnt so fucking hard to try to fucking handle anyhting i dont understand why its so natural to everyone because even the people who say theyre so fucking alone also!!! :D WE'RE ALLL ALONE!! still have partners or have had close friends and they see people on the daily its been years and years and years i feel like im just fucking trying to cling on and itspathetic and i drag behind fucking everybodyohhh did we remember that cunt exists

PROBABLY NOT right and its not i cant fucking do it i dont want to keep being so desperate all the fucking time it hurts so much more but its jsut so so many fucking months and years just fucking stuck with nothing but yourself because it just doesnt work out ever and i fucking hate myself if i fucking hate being with myself and its like how can i blame anyone else is ANYONE MAD RIGHT NOW i think i need to go fucking try to drown myself in the fucking toilet bowl i need to fucking do something i need to fucking pacify myself thats the only fucking thinjg that makes it stop is just fucking completely disconnecting do it late fucking deal with it later thats it just dont fucking engage with a fucking thing and let the world go by and everyone can leave you even further behind dude yeah fucking excellent IS ANYONE CRAZYYYY