#all super close and i liked that the symbol consisted of four hearts so there would be one for each of us

[floridanotfound]

ahhhh my first emoji tag I've always been too awkward to just start signing off with one lmao but how about a sword 🗡️? they are stabby like tattoos.

I'm glad you found someone close to you! My first tattoo was kinda meaningful but it was also just something that I knew for sure that I wanted and how I wanted it so tbh I think if you like, really want a flower or something then it doesn't have to be anything more than a just pretty flower for you to enjoy.

I love this emoji btw 🗡️ and now it belongs to you 🫶

I will try and post any further tattoo updates ... youve got me seriously thinking hard ... one could say that you are an enabler

[abbystanaccount]

Owen’s scars analysis 😌 

warning, his bum crack is under the cut lols

Pink: a massiveeee burn covering his right side of his back and front (front pics below). On his back the burn is more patchy and actually kind of reminds me of fungus on the infected. It spans from the top of his shoulder and arm, down his whole back and the side of his right buttock. It can be inferred this was from a Scar attack and he was hit by a molotov cocktail. I can’t quite tell where on his body he was first he was hit with it, but it caught his clothes on fire all over on his right side. I’m think maybe it was his shoulder and it dripped all over. More on this later..

Green: A really bruised purple elbow, these and some other injuries I classify as recent. I theorize he fell from a distance, maybe off the roof of a building or down the level of a parking garage.

Blue: he has a bruised coccyx, which I think happened at the same time as his elbow injury. These likely occurred during the many jobs he took after Jackson to kill Scars when he was trying to alienate himself from his old friends that he went to Jackson with, namely Mel and Abby.

Yellow: Better look at this one bellow, it’s a nasty scratch that looks to me like a he might have gotten it jumping over a sharp fence and caught it on the top.

Orange: these are older scars, they look like they were made by a blade or something else sharp. He was either attacked from the back by a Scar years ago, or landed on something sharp. There are four of these scars on his mid-back and shoulder.

Better look at the side of his burn scar and the scrape under his arm. Also booty.

The front of Owen’s burn scar. The texture I think is different than the back. It’s more compact and swirled more and stops before it reaches the middle of his chest. His right nipple is toast. MIA. There’s patches of smooth skin on his shoulder and lower torso instead of the burn scar part. Not sure what that means, I’m not a burn expert but I’ll point it out lol. Owen doesn’t seem to have any other scars on his front.

This is alternate texture set for Owen’s arms for the Christmas flashback. He still has the molotov burn, but no bruises or scrapes. That makes me think he looked like this around that time. He has no scars on his Young textures, not even the burn one. So that and the four cuts must have come between the Aquarium and the Christmas flashback.

No ding dong on this platform but y’all know where to go if you wanna see that lols. Anyway, his hands also have small cuts on them in the latest textures, seen here. 

Owen has no visible scars on his legs, maybe because the character artist thought it not necessary due to them not being seen much, but I think he should have had some to make it more consistent throughout. Might do a texture edit also because a lot of the textures are low-res and it bothers me lol.

Face scars. He doesn’t have super big face scars like some of his early concept art but there’s still a few.

Blue: Owen’s Christmas head just removes this injury, so it’s the only recent one. The textures refer to is as a “bruise,” at first I thought it was a burn though. It looks like under his eye was scraped or hit, but though it’s recent he doesn’t have a black eye. However his temple is also bruised. This is the same side as his elbow bruise so I think he either got it falling on that side, or in an up close battle with a Scar he was hit in the face.

Pink: I didn’t notice this before, but Owen has a somewhat faint cut scar on his cheek, it’s kind of jagged so it might not be from a blade.

Orange: This one I find interesting, it’s deep and small and probably is from a blade. I’m gonna headcanon it as he was threatened at knifepoint, or got into a grapple with a Scar with a knife.

Yellow: This is a bit of his chest burn extended, when the molotov broke it splashed a bit onto his neck and burned him there. This is one of the few places his burn is visible with a shirt on, at least a shirt with sleeves. Maybe Owen is a bit self conscious about the scar? 🤔 Someone write about that lol...

Young Owen has some scrapes too, but they’re all on the back of his head. Bad barbers?  Probably. Plus, he likely took some tumbles during his Firefly training

okay depressing stuff below

the blood is glowing because I don’t know how to properly apply it in my program and also to make it less graphic lol...

Owen is shot once in the upper chest, at first I thought in his heart (💔), but it definitely seems to be through his right lung which is also his heavily scarred area. Probably some symbolism there.. hmm lemme pull something out... The scars represent how much Owen gave towards the WLF and others, and how much it hurt him. Though he hides them and prefers to keep positive and move on from things, like when he tries to get Abby to look at the view multiple times but she’s too preoccupied, his actions of going after Joel and letting Ellie go ultimately catch up with him. He’s then unable to escape his commitments that have worn him down and leave to Santa Barbara.

except in my fic, go read my fic

okay sorry for the depressing ending, enjoy this smiley pic :) 

more stuff soon lol

[malachi-walker]

Catra and the Performative Nature of Villainy and Abuse Survival

(Yeah, with a title like that you can tell I earned that English lit masters. -.-)

Ok, so I have a lot of She-ra meta bouncing around my skull I need to get to one day, but let’s start with the big one post s4: the psychological and symbolic implications that are made explicit in DT’s epic call out of Catra (please note that I specified “made explicit” not revealed, because a lot of the stuff I wanna talk about was already there if you knew where to look.)

1. Catra’s villainy is inherently performative.

Yeah, pretty obvious but I’m going somewhere with this. If you pay close attention to Catra throughout the series, her words (the stuff on the surface) and her underlying actions don’t match up. Not entirely. No tsundere jokes, please, because it ultimately leads back to a very common pattern among abuse victims and some very interesting implications for Catra herself.

Basically it’s not horribly uncommon for abuse victims, especially those in domestic or child abuse situations, to end up performing on multiple levels. Level one: performing for the abuser in the hopes that this will minimize or stop the abuse. (Check.) Level two: performing for loved ones so as not to either worry them or risk them leaving if the abuse becomes obvious.

Oh, double check.

And lastly, Level Three: the act of performing as a method of keeping people on the outside away from you, either out of fear of more pain or fear of further judgment, which is a huge bulk of what we see Catra spiralling through this entire series.

Like, I myself was a child abuse victim for the first twelve years of my life (I’m fine now after about a decade of therapy) and I operated on all these different levels; alternating between placating my abuser to avoid punishment or rebelling to take back some form of control, deflecting from my other loved ones so as not to worry them, and being absolutely resistant to outside forces coming in, because at that point I had so little control over my life that I was more comfortable with embracing the hell I knew as a way to give myself some measure of control and stability than have someone save me from that situation but take that control away from me. Fucked up, but true. Which brings me into my second point:

2. Words have no inherent value for Catra except as weapons.

Which again, makes perfect sense considering her upbringing. Unlike Adora, Catra never had the luxury of buying into the Horde propaganda. She knew they hurt innocent people because she’d already been enduring torture from the time she was a small child–as other people have pointed out before. Moreover, she grew up in an environment that treated words with varying levels of consistency, where Shadow Weaver can praise Adora for doing one thing and then mercilessly put down Catra for doing the exact same thing equally.

This not only teaches someone about lying, this teaches someone that words are weapons, and Catra took that lesson and ran with it. Even when she and Adora were on good terms, she would still lightly drag her or put her down, but I don’t think it was from any inherent malice at that point. Good example: in episode one she’s perfectly content to mock Adora while she’s stuck in the pit, but immediately after she reached down and helped pull her out. “Actions speak louder than words” is an old clichè, but it’s super important to keep in mind when analyzing Catra’s character. Out of all the characters on Spop, she is the last one who can be analyzed from surface words alone, because so much of it is an act.

In fact, I can think of probably only one instance in which Catra did actually wholeheartedly believe in words…

Yeah, y'all know what I’m talking about.

And again, that makes perfect sense. Because Adora wasn’t just Catra’s best friend, she was explicitly her lifeline. Shadow Weaver’s exact words to little Catra were: “I’ve kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you. But if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself.” On top of that, the other cadets show clear signs of having sensed the blood in the water, so to speak: it’s an open secret to everyone but Adora that Shadow Weaver hates Catra’s guts, and therefore it stands to reason that in a cutthroat culture like the Horde’s, Catra was probably seen as easy prey until she learned to defend herself. Because it wasn’t like Shadow Weaver would do anything about it.

So Adora was the only person Catra could count on, but that also leads into the double edged aspect of words I’ve been talking about: Catra could let herself believe in their promise, but not enough to actually reveal to her what was going on. In the same way Shadow Weaver lightens up on the abuse when Adora’s around (just compare her use of lightning on Catra in Promise vs the Sword pt 2–the former is very subdued and looks almost like a simple hold, while the latter makes it very obvious this is painful torture) Catra deflects away from the subject around Adora, and the few times she does approach it “Why does she hate me so much” she tends not to get the reassurance she wants because Adora isn’t as clued in on the situation.

I mean, it’s pretty telling that Catra’s first leap off the slippery slope after being more of a nuisance than anything else up to that point came after Light Hope deliberately pushed her buttons by basically taunting her with the one thing that Catra had ever allowed herself to believe in.

I mean, her younger self looks at her as if to drive in the point of “you were a fool to believe in it!” After what we found out in S4, you cannot make me believe that wasn’t Light Hope deliberately twisting the knife to make sure they didn’t reconcile. And immediately after Catra pitches Adora off a cliff. Good times.

Ok, that was a big fucking lead in to my main point, but here we are:

3. Pretty much everything Catra says from that point onward is an act.

And it’s an obvious one, all things considered. Because that’s when Catra gets vicious. That’s when all her verbal barbs start cutting deep. That’s when combat between her and Adora goes from almost playful to outright brutal. And that’s when we start seeing Catra using her words as weapons against herself in addition to everyone else.

Because that’s the point when Catra starts feeding into her constructed persona of being this smug, confident, in-control villain who most definitely isn’t capable of being hurt like that ever again, no siree. We get to see several times across s4 in particular where her feelings clearly aren’t in line with her actions, and what does she do? She forces herself to say something cruel or hard-hearted as a way to essentially drag her actions and internal feelings back into line with that constructed person. Good example is the locker room scene with the Horde Trio: Catra very clearly wants to reach out to them and experience a little of their camaraderie, but she forces herself back into “I’m the boss” mode. And when it’s misinterpreted as her simply being a bitch, she goes into a rage because it’s one thing for her to want to reach out and deny herself that, but another for someone else to try to force their way in.

And all of this ties back into my main point, and why I think DT’s speech is particularly brilliant from a symbolic and psychological standpoint.

Actor vs Actor: Fight!

I’ve already established that Catra is somebody who is a performer and has been all her life in order to survive. That’s part of why Catra is such a tough nut to crack in terms of getting through to her: it’s hard to make accurate hits on someone who is putting on a persona. It’s damn near impossible to get a point through when you don’t have a clear idea of what you should be aiming at in the first place. So how do you beat a consummate actor?

You bring in a better performer.

Now, I do have my problems with DT’s speech: as others have pointed out, tossing Shadow Weaver and Hordak into the guilt trip is severely messed up and victim-blamey, though I do believe that has more to do with the fact that DT themself is not omniscient and therefore doesn’t have all the facts there (though given their sadistic streak, I’m also not sure they wouldn’t still cross that line even if they did know.)

But here’s what made that scene rock me to my fucking core: Catra almost pulled it off. Think about it: she has spent three seasons up until that point convincing her former friends, allies, boss and even the viewers–remember the post Portal moral panic–that she was this completely villainous monster. That she didn’t care, that she wasn’t worth saving, that everything she does is ultimately self-serving and terrible… Only for DT to see right through the disguise.

Adora couldn’t get through to Catra when she couldn’t even pinpoint the real problem. Scorpia couldn’t get through because by that point the defenses were fully up and Catra was going all in on her mask of villainy.

What finally got through? Being outclassed by a much better actor. By someone who is both a world class actor but also in touch enough with their own personality and wants that they don’t interfere with their own performance.

Because that’s the difference between DT and Catra: for Catra, acting the villain has been a matter of psychological survival up until that point. DT, meanwhile, acts for fun, work, and a certain level of sadistic pleasure. They have no moral dilemmas about what they do and thus they experience zero cognitive dissonance, whereas Catra may as well be the poster child. And it’s not too much of a stretch to think that once they figured out Catra’s deal, they probably found it quite amusing to completely demolish the act that had practically everyone else on the planet completely fooled.

That’s also part of the reason why Catra was so suicidal and lifeless after: the crutch she’d been using just to keep herself upright for four seasons just got yanked out from under her along with all chances of ever getting to double back down on that villainy again. Nowhere to go, and not even a mask to hide behind any more.

And honestly, I could keep talking on and on about just… The amazing amount of narrative complexity and precision and psychological depth that went into pulling this moment off. It’s amazing. But I’ve also spent like two and a half hours working on this post, so that’s that. If you read this far, get yourself a cookie or the snack of your choice. You earned it.

[being-of-rain]

I've been enjoying the Time Lord Victorious series so far, and since I caught up with a lot of it recently and we’re about half-way through it, I thought I'd post a bunch of thoughts on it here together.

I’m fascinated by the idea of a Doctor Who series made up of lots of different interconnected media, which feels like a natural thing to do when you consider how much history the franchise has with so many different formats of storytelling. And it’s wild to me that, contrary to what I first assumed, it was actually conceived before the whole global pandemic thing happened; it felt like almost perfect timing to give Doctor Who fans something to think about during lockdown.

One of the series’ greatest shortcomings was its promotion, which seemed to consist entirely of the title and that one promo visual. The lack of a clear, simple, all-encompassing premise from the start means that I still see fans reacting to TLV with confusion. Using ‘Time Lord Victorious’ as the only promotion also feels a little misleading - I think many people imagined the series being an Evil Ten AU (similar to the timeline glimpsed in the Four Doctors comic), when really most of the content is either building up to that or just tangentially connected to it. On the other hand, the series was clearly lovingly designed for Who fans (who are all about piecing together timelines and consuming a large range of stories) instead of a wider audience, so the unclear promotion feels more like a miscalculation than a fatal error.

Defender of the Daleks: Titan’s comic is easily the weakest link of the series for me- it didn’t have a meaningful part of the series to fill, I was bothered by a lot of the page layouts, and it felt like a lot of it was made only for Dalek superfans. Well, I genuinely hope the Dalek superfans enjoyed it.

Monstrous Beauty: It’s really nice to see BBC give Nine some love in the series, and you can tell writers like Scott Gray and Steve Cole enjoyed writing for him and Rose. The extreme gothic aesthetic for the Dark Times, the Great Vampires, and the coffin ship is lots of fun, even if the story itself is a little straight-forward and meandering. Rassilon turning up felt very unnessecary to me, at this point I wish authors would leave the Time Lords’ founders alone unless they have something genuinely interesting to add. Admittedly, seeing the Cucurbites return and Nine make an explicit reference to the ‘90s Eight comics made my day. Y’all know I’m an Eight comics nerd.

Master Thief/Lesser Evils: Honestly, both of these stories left me a little confused to what actually happened in them, and what the point of them were. The first one didn’t even seem to tie in to TLV at all. Despite that, I’m really happy to see the Delgado Master and Ainley Master get some audios to themselves. Both characters were captured wonderfully by the stories and were a joy to listen to.

He Kills Me, He Kills Me Not: I was really surprised by this just being an out-and-out Western, but I loved it! Brian sticking close to his hostage while the other characters slowly pieced together what was going on and what they should do about it made for a very different kind of tension to the usual Who story. Brian’s explanation about killing with a thought made me properly nervous about him being around any other characters. I’m glad they got to do some non-formulaic stuff with Eight before the Daleks turned up at the end. Overall, the Daleks have a larger part in TLV than I’m happy with, since it makes it feel like the series is split between experimenting with new ideas and retreading old ground.

The Knight, The Fool and The Dead: The novels are definitely the heart of the Time Lord Victorious story, and so I’m very happy with the choice of authors for them. This first one was great. I really liked Ten’s characterisation of being at his limit but trying to continue on as normal and do what’s right.

His temporary companion Brian the Ood Assassin is every bit as fun as the concept sounds. I love how Brian doesn’t (usually) try to hide that he’s a merciless murder, but is still very polite and dresses in a tux. The little descriptions of him commanding a space fleet of mercenaries like a headwaiter running an expensive restaurant are hilarious. I can’t wait for more stories with him.

The villains of the piece, the Kotturuh, are surprisingly and delightfully eldritch, with their tentacles and their symbols in the sky. Not to mention their plans for the universe written on the cave walls of the planet that acts as a gateway between their cosmos and ours, writing which make people who look at it go mad. The Kotturuh, or Kotts, spread the effects of a natural lifespan to every species in the universe, ending an era of immortality for most of them.

This leads me to the heart of the story, and the premise of the series as a whole; is the Doctor doing the right thing by trying to stopping natural death from spreading in the Dark Times? But there’s a problem here. The concept of death being unnatural is one that TLV introduces to the Doctor Who universe without warning or really giving you space to process it. If all death by old age is something artificially added to the universe, and isn’t a natural part of life and change (as has been part of the heart of basically every other Who story), then is it really wrong to oppose that? Surely that would make the Kotts the uncontested biggest mass murderers in the history of everything. It feels like we need to develop a whole new moral compass just to reckon with this. And it doesn’t help that the other side of the argument is about if it’s right to change time, something the Who franchise has never been super consistent about and another thing that we don’t have morality established to deal with in the real world.

It feels like far too complex a set-up to be explored in just two short novels and a collection of tie-ins more interested in Daleks and Ood than the Time Lord Victorious himself. I’m a little worried that the moral question will be boiled down to the ‘killing is inconceivable even in the face of genocide’ stance that the franchise has held before, and practically never handled well. But needless to say, I’m very interested in what will happen in the future stories, especially second novel and series finale All Flesh Is Grass.

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #5: Rainbow

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: This is all my own speculation. Do not take seriously.

After two bittersweet songs from dd, time we start our heart-wrenching journey with gg. 

The song “Rainbow” by Fish Leong was sang by gg during a bts that was filmed on dd’s birthday (160 minutes 1 year anniversary bts.) Right before he sang this, dd’s assistant was called about some “arrangement.” We have no idea what the arrangement is but we know it involves dd arranging something for gg because the assistant asked gg “arrange what?” and then gg responded with “Lao-Wang (dd) wanted you to arrange.” Then the assistant said “Oh, you guys are in such a hurry about it, I thought it was something super important.” Gg then repeated “No, Lao-wang wanted you to arrange it.” The poor assistant then said “I arranged it.” And gg responded “You arranged it, I got it.” Then dd chimed in “I already arranged it for you, why don’t you understand.” Then dd and his assistant started talking about his manager coming. The camera then panned to gg who started singing this song. 

So from this exchange, we don’t know what they were arranging. It’s possible that it’s something like a type of food that dd wanted his assistant to give gg. But does this require them to confirm with the assistant that it’s already arranged? So it must be more important than snacks. On the flip side, the assistant seem to think the arrangement isn’t super urgent, which tells us that it’s not some super important job-related issue. Thus, from eliminating other hypothesis, my personal theory is that they were talking about dinner, more specifically dd’s birthday dinner that he wants to spend with gg since that was the day of his birthday.

So if they’re spending dd’s birthday night together and it’s all loving and sweet, why would gg sing such a sad song at the moment? There are multiple things happening at this moment. CQL filming is coming to an end and ggdd no longer have an official reason to be together all the time anymore. In addition, they will need to leave their roles as WWX and LWJ. I’m unsure of ggdd’s relationship at this point. I think it’s either still flirting/two-sided crush without clear confession or very early stage of a very immature relationship. Either way, even though gg already confirmed his inner feelings on 622, the relationship, or lack of an official one, is at a point that will make him feel insecure. I think this is true for the start of every early relationship. You’re very happy and excited that you’re together. But because you love the other person so that that you’re also afraid of losing them and thus become insecure on the inside.  I think this song “Rainbow” perfectly describes this fear of loss feeling. 

坐在浴缸里，莲蓬头。(Sitting in the bathtub, with shower head on.)

代替我哭泣，像下雨。 (It [shower water] is substituting for my tears, just like the rain.) 其实我不知道，眼泪有没有流。(Actually I don’t know, if my tears are coming out) 就像这故事中，你有没有爱过我。(Just like in this story, whether you truly loved me or not.)

When gg started singing, he sang the two bolded lines. I’m not sure if he kept singing because the camera was cut off. It’s possible they cut it because the next line was too obvious. While he was singing, he did look over at dd.

I find it interesting that he didn’t start in the beginning of the song. Usually when we think of a song, we either start singing in the beginning or at the chorus. But gg started in the middle of a stance, in the middle of a sentence! Why? This tells us this particular line stood out to him. Obviously, gg wasn’t crying at the time, at least not visibly. Is he saying that even though you don’t see his tears, he’s sad on the inside? The line “in this story” is also significant. The story can mean the story of CQL, as the story of WWX and LWJ are coming to an end. It can also mean the story of their summer together. Gg described the filming of CQL before as a “dream.” Is he scare this chapter of his life is closing and he has to let go of something, someone, or a relationship? Then the next line “whether you truly loved me or not” can be gg questioning whether his relationship with dd is based on LWJ and WWX’s relationship. To me, gg is almost asking if dd ever loved him in this summer of filming and that he’s content if he did, even if their relationship doesn’t last afterwards.

虚弱的窗帘，留不住。(Weak curtains, can’t hold on.)

房里的黑夜，也要走。(Darkness in the room, also need to leave.)

清晨唤醒了我，照亮昨夜的梦，(Dawn woke me up, shining on last night’s dream)

一直到这时候，才开始有一点懂。(It is not until now, I finally start to understand a bit)

The first three line is describing waking up from a dark night. It feels like the person is trying to keep a dark feeling bundled up but reality is shining light on that darkness and forcing them to come out. It’s like coming back to their real lives, in modern clothing, that this reality is waking gg up from his dream. But his dream with dd should be happy right? Why is it dark? I think it’s dark not because it’s a nightmare, but because his feelings about it aren’t clear. He feels like the relationship isn’t grounded and thus it feels “dark.” This is also why reality is like sunlight, exposing their muddled, unclear relationship. There’s a word in Chinese call “曖昧 (ai mei)” that perfectly describe this feeling of excitement mixed with sad uncertainty people have in an ambiguous time of a relationship.

The last line talks about finally able to understand something, but the song doesn’t tell us what that something is. I think to gg, he’s starting to make plans of what to do with his feelings and relationship with dd after filming. He’s starting to understand how to sort out whether their relationship is real or if it’s affected by the summer. (Spoiler alert, he went to Japan and had weak contact with dd for awhile to try to get out of his role. I believe there was also a period in late 2018 where they didn’t really talk but they finally sort out their feelings in 2019). 

你的爱就像彩虹，雨后的天空。(Your love is like a rainbow, the sky after rain.)

绚烂却教人迷惑，蓝绿黄红。(It’s gorgeous yet perplexing, blue, green, yellow, and red.)

Here, the song tells us that the love, the relationship is beautiful, just like a “rainbow” so we know that the “darkness” we talked about before is not that the love isn’t beautiful. It’s a rainbow that comes after the rain, which usually represent tears and sadness. So we know that this love is bittersweet. It’s also “gorgeous yet perplexing”, furthering emphasizing the ambiguity of the relationship. Here, four colors in the rainbow are described. Here’s my analysis of the color: “blue” is LWJ, “green” is dd, “yellow” is a combination of ggdd, and “red” is both gg and WWX. People often say that ggdd are in a four-way relationship with WWX and LWJ. These 4 colors perfectly describe the harmony yet dissonance we see building this “rainbow” of a relationship. While the 4 can make up a relationship, they’re ultimately still separate colors and we want the harmony of “yellow”, not a mix of the other three colors. 

Side note, there are many motifs that come up in songs gg choose. “Blue” and “green” are colors that repeat. The word “summer”, “wind/breeze”, “dream” and “loneliness” also tend to show up. This paints us a picture the scenery that gg is trying to describe. To him, this relationship is a picture of a summer day with gentle breeze, with blue sky and green fields and it’s like a dream. Doesn’t this scene look just like the hills we see in the Untamed? It’s probably also why “blue sky white cloud” is a symbol of love to ggdd. (I swear the motifs in songs gg pick are more consistent than some literature I read in high school.)

你的爱就像彩虹，我张开了手。(Your love is like a rainbow, I open my hands.)

Oh！却只能抱住风。(Oh! I could only embrace the wind.)

In this part of the song, even though the love is beautiful like a rainbow, the person can only hold on to the wind, and not the beautiful rainbow. Why wind? I think it’s because “wind” is fleeting, like the quickly passing by and leaving love. That’s how I think gg feels about this relationship, it’s beautiful yet ephemeral. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。(Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力揣摩，越是搞不懂。(The more I want to understand, the less I understand.)

只好慢慢承认，这故事叫做错。(I can only slowly admit, that this story is wrong.)

This part of the song is probably the saddest. It describes a relationship so uncertain that it’s painful. It’s possible that gg feel like his relationship has a lot of push and pull. Sometimes they’re super close and happy, yet other times he’s unsure if it’s true love. The reason I say this is that in another song that dd later share, he also described this feeling of push and pull, uncertain of how close they should be. (Yes, foreshadowing a future analysis.) I think many relationships have this period of ups and down. The end talks about how this “story is wrong.” Does gg think he’s wrong about how dd feels about him in this relationship? I don’t think so. But I think he feels like it’s “wrong” because he’s not sure what’s “right” or how to make it “right.”

Oh！一层一层，一层一层，一层一层，又一层层，的迷宫，我来不及回头。 (Oh many many many many many many, [and another] many layers of a maze, I don’t have enough time to look back.) Oh！忽左忽右，忽上忽下，忽东忽西，忽前忽后，的折磨，都是你的捉弄。(Oh sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes east, sometimes west, sometimes forward, sometimes back, the pain, it’s all your trick.)

This part was really hard to translate because the song was trying to use fast repetition to mimic the feeling of agitation you feel from being lost in an ambiguous relationship. The person is completely lost inside the maze created by the person they love. So does dd create a maze for gg to decipher? I don’t think so. We all know that dd is straightforward with his feelings. But gg still feel like he’s trapped in a maze because there are too many outside factors that can ruin this relationship. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。 (Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力挽留，越是一无所有。(The more I want you to stay, the more likely I would end up with nothing.)

只好慢慢期待，雨后你的影踪。(All I can do is to look forward to your shadow after the rain.)

I think the last two lines fits gg’s personality and his feelings that we have discussed before in “If I were a song” perfectly. Gg’s love the type that creates a secure home for the other person, and is willing to wait for them, not asking to bind them right now. So he knows the more he wants dd to “stay” and forced a relationship after they’re done filming to be just like when they’re filming, thee more likely it will end badly. This is one of the most mature ways I’ve seen someone deal with relationship. I feel like too many people are obsessed with “we were once this way or that way” so when the environment changed, you can’t accept that the relationship may change and constantly try to live up to a past memory (I myself fell victim to this once.) So gg knows that in order for the relationship to be stable, he must be mature and wait for dd to come back to him on his own. This is because he knows his own feelings for dd will not change. After the “rain”, the dark ambiguous feeling that is muddle by filming, is over, if the relationship last, gg know dd will come back to him.

I definitely think gg is more secure and mature in this relationship than dd. But he still have uncertainty he has to face. He also can’t 100% predict what dd is thinking or feeling. He’s probably also worry that dd is too young and may change or regret his decision later. In both “If I were a song” and “Rainbow”, we see gg giving dd the space to choose the type of relationship and how the relationship will develop. A lot of people believe that dd likes gg more because he’s more straightfoward and obvious about it. But I actually think, that gg loves dd just as much, if not even more because gg is constantly thinking about this relationship realistically and trying to plan for the best, realistic future for both of them. Happy early 23rd birthday dd! I hope after two years, the ephemeral rainbow has turn into an eternal yellow ray of sunshine. 

[anywhozits]

All I Really Want: Chapter 2

Rating: T

Pairing: Kristanna (at some point lol)

Verse: 90s High School AU / frozen retelling

Read on AO3

This wasn’t Anna’s first rodeo. During her freshman year at Arendelle Prep; hell, even during eighth grade and if she were drunk enough to admit it—that one time halfway through 7th grade when she really, really wanted to smooch Charlie Blower that 9th grader who she ran into in the hallway, she went to these kinds of parties.

The classic Arendelle Prep rager. Rich parents out on some kind of business trip. Way too much vodka. Cheap beer. Hot tubs. Silly games. Maybe a bonfire or two which like, totally wasn’t dangerous at all.

This night was the same as others before it. Bebe Shelley’s parents were out in Cabo for some reason with the “law school buddies” or “law firm buddies” or whatever her gross-ass dad called the ring of people he did lots of coke and called up prostitutes with. Well—not like that last part would happen with the wives present. Or would it.

Anna shuddered—literally—at the thought.

Gross. No. She didn’t want to think of any of that super messed up shit. She couldn’t believe Ashley even told her all of that. But maybe it was a coping mechanism or something.

Her driver, the most illustrious Kai, her aid in everything mischievous she had been up to ever since that 7th grade party where she had succeeded in smooching Charlie Blower, pulled the car up to Bebe’s house.

She took a deep breath. She was nervous for some reason. Probably because she knew Bebe’s sister Ashley would’ve invited the entire junior class and Anna had an inkling she super wanted to smooch tonight, too. And the juniors were the most totally hot grade in the upper school right now. Like, everybody knew it. Even the teachers. She’d heard Mrs. Adamson talking about it in a hushed voice with Mrs. Ingalls at convocation last week.

They were hot. Smoking hot, really. Like, smoking hot period.

And it helped that these were the boys who already were super into freshmen like her. Their first dance of the year, glowdown, was filled with her and her friends finding any way to grind on them. And they liked it too. Clearly. Anna felt that they liked it.

But somehow she made the stupid mistake of starting a grind off with Bebe that distracted from her goal. Sure, she’d won. Twenty-four guys compared to Bebe’s seventeen. But she hadn’t done anything else with them.

So she hadn’t secured herself that man she told herself she wanted since high school started. High school meant romance and drama and maybe a little bit of learning or something, too. But she wanted a high school boyfriend. She wanted someone to light up her life and her heart and she wanted everything that came with having that. She just wanted… someone. She wanted love. She wanted someone to love her.

The car came to a stop. Kai gave Anna a knowing ‘see you in the morning’ nod before ushering her out of the car. She opened the door slowly but slamming it suddenly, confused as to why she didn’t hear the familiar sound of the door banging closed behind her until she remembered that her best friend sat in the seat next to her.

“Wait! Kristoff—sorry. I forgot—” Anna shook her head. “Nevermind. Are you ready?” Anna was just so used to arriving to these kinds of house parties alone. Kristoff usually avoided them, unless Anna was the host, of course, but tonight Anna had begged and begged him until he finally gave in. All she had to do was jut out her lip and give him those classic puppy dog eyes. Rest assured he would do whatever she asked.

“Yeah. I’m ready.” His face was morphed into an extremely dissatisfied pout. Anna imagined he probably regretted agreeing to this whole situation, but she was thankful he came anyway. If this night didn’t go the way she planned, then she’d be happy to instead spend the night with him jumping on trampolines and running around to beat of the Smashing Pumpkins’ guitar riffs.

Kristoff’s drunken air guitar talents were legendary. Every time.

“Um… you sure?” Anna had tried to walk a few paces ahead of him but Kristoff remained firmly planted on the driveway. “You’re not moving at all.”

“Right,” Kristoff said. “Moving. Gotta… move.” Eventually he picked up his pace, shuffling his feet to catch up to Anna. She turned to face him, then, smiling wide at one of the people who consistently lit up her world.

His black Offspring skull t-shirt billowed a little bit in the slight wind of an Orange County January. Anna noticed a little hint of his sketchily acquired Nirvana tattoo sticking out from the sleeve of his left arm. But literally just a glimpse. The curve of the smiley face’s chin.

She thought it was damn awesome that at sixteen years old he already had two tattoos. Like he somehow had the balls to sneak out and find someone who would do that to minors. Someone he ended up befriending, even. He had a connection.

Naturally she’d debated getting one herself, but she still felt too young. Yeah, Kristoff and Anna were in the same grade, but he was basically two years older than her. Somehow, she was only reminded of this when she caught sight of his tattoos. What Anna deemed the ultimate symbol of maturity. Of… advanced age. Of those two years between them.

When Kristoff reached her, Anna grabbed hold of his hand, and they walked hand in hand to the intricately carved mahogany door of the Shelley household. Anna pressed the doorbell, hoping the chime would ring over the S Club 7 blasting through the surround sound.

Thankfully, Ashley pulled open the door. “Ohmygod, Anna!” Ashley bounced up to Anna and hugged her with such force Anna thought she might burst. She could feel the stark, well—hard proof of Ashley’s boob job. A sixteenth birthday present that had set off an endless stream of gossip. “And you brought your friend… Christopher, was it?”

“Kristoff.”

“Right. Well—welcome, Kristoff! Glad you could make it.”

Anna shrugged and clapped her hands together. She felt a jolt of excitement shoot through her. A party! A party was just what she needed to forget about her shit week. Elsa hadn’t called back after Anna had left her at least twelve or thirteen messages and her parents had done nothing but ignore her. But what else was new on that front…her parents were a lost cause. But Elsa. Elsa was busy, though. At her boarding school. Studying hard, probably. And there was also the three-hour time difference. Anna knew that. There were loads of reasons why Elsa didn’t call back. She couldn’t be disappointed.

She wouldn’t be.

So, Anna smiled through it. She tried her very best to swallow the tremble in her voice. “I need something to drink.” Not one crack. Not one break. She always did such a great job hiding.

“You know where to find those,” Ashley added with a wink. She ushered Kristoff and Anna to the kitchen and made a beeline for what appeared to be the dance floor.

Anna skipped—literally skipped—to the kitchen, Kristoff stumbling behind her and nodding nervously when she handed him a shot of vodka. He took one whiff and scrunched up his face. He wasn’t usually a shot guy but Anna brought it out in him.

She knew he had some stuff he wanted to forget, too.

“Threetwoone!” Her countdown was decidedly not a countdown. Both Anna and Kristoff grimaced intensely when the liquid stung their throats and then chased the vodka heavily with some Sunny D.

“Another one?” Kristoff asked, feeling nothing. What a heavyweight. Anna remained incredibly jealous. A couple months ago, Olaf told Anna that she could never go shot to shot with Kristoff and her own stupid dumb naïve stubbornness made her do it. That night had ended so poorly. Probably. Well—no way it could have ended any other way. Anna didn’t remember anything past shot number nine. Her throat burned for days from all the barfing she did.

But tonight, she figured she’d keep to a limit. A few drinks behind Kristoff at all times. Except for now… “Let’s do it!”

So they did. Switching to a chaser of Hawaiian punch this time. Kristoff had definitely poured at least a shot and a half into their red solo cups, but Anna was grateful for it, honestly. Now she felt the perfect amount of buzz for her Junior Boy Hunt. That sounded like an okay name for this quest. Junior Boy Hunt. Had some mediocre ring to it.

She’d keep it for now.

Kristoff took one more shot and then grabbed himself a beer but not before pouring Anna a vodka cranberry.

“Thanks, Kris,” Anna said. “I’m going to take a lap, I think.”

“Okay. I’ll be here, probably. Or… looking for Olaf. I think he said he might come.”

Anna nodded and smiled at him, thinking to herself that this was where and how Junior Boy Hunt began. She held the red solo cup so tightly her knuckles started to turn white. She massaged her lip between her teeth in sheer resolve. Her eyes roamed over the crowd of people on the dance floor.

They all seemed mostly paired off.

Then she looked at the living room. Also pairs.

Jesus. Was this some kind of a hook up party and she didn’t get the memo to arrive early enough to secure her place?

Whatever.

She pivoted in her Vans to run outside, but right as she did, she bumped straight into someone and the entirety of her vodka cranberry spilled all over the front of her shirt. “Ooof!” She yelled, laughing just as she always did when she did something clumsy. Because. Classic Anna, let’s be real.

“Whoa!” The mysterious human wall grabbed her shoulders to stabilize himself. But then he ran his hands along her arms and held onto her hands right as he stared into her eyes and then Anna realized oh shit this human wall was a guy who was actually really, really hot and maybe this was, like, fate or something because hot DAMN. He wore a pink Lacoste collared shirt which seemed to make his bright red hair sparkle. His most striking feature—by far—was his eyes, filled with a beautiful, engulfing green that swirled in a shocking mixture of mischievousness and confidence. She’d never in her entire life seen eyes that color. Like… an emerald. It captivated her. She didn’t want to move. “I’m sorry about that… oh, fuck. Your drink… on your…” His eyes drifted down to her white tank top. He was definitely staring at her cleavage. Anna puffed out her chest a little bit in response.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I get distracted by—um, I run into people a lot. I mean, I’m really clumsy. I guess. It’s not because you’re hot or anything. Well, you are hot, but I don’t… that’s not why I ran into you, it’s more just because I wasn’t looking—I didn’t notice you were hot until, well, right now, and—”

“I’m Hans,” he said and Anna exhaled. So she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself with her rambling. Those little blessings. “Westergaard.”

“Anna Larsen.” There was a slight twinkle in his eyes when she said this.

“You go to Arendelle Prep?”

“Yeah. I’m in Bebe’s grade.”

He chuckled. “Fresh meat.”

“Yup! And you’re a…?”

“Junior. Ashley’s my good um… friend.” Except the way he said that made Anna think maybe they were something more than friends and it made her nervous. “I’m sure she could give you a new shirt.”

“Oh, I don’t really care about the stain.”

“It’s a little see-through.”

Anna blushed. Hard. She definitely had cheeks the shade of ketchup and it only made it worse that he still held onto her hands. Thank the Lord she had bought a new metallic green bathing suit last week.  

“You know, I think I recognize you from somewhere,” Hans said. “Are you on the volleyball team?”

She blushed again. “Yeah. I am. Volleyball, basketball, and track, actually.” Technically track season hadn’t started yet, but she found it important to mention anyway.

“My friends and I… we like watching the volleyball games.”

Anna laughed nervously. She could feel it… now was the time to be bold. Now was the time to really put the Junior Boy Hunt plan into action. “So, um… wanna get me a new drink? And you can… um—meet me outside?” Anna tried her best to be assertive. She wanted him to know she was interested and more than anything else she needed him to know that she was mature. She was a freshman, sure—fresh meat or whatever he had said earlier, but this wasn’t her first party, and this wasn’t her first time making out with somebody the first night she met them.

“Vodka cranberry?”

“Make it a vodka soda this time. Don’t wanna ruin any more clothes.”

He laughed at her and she went giddy. Her heart fluttered a mile a minute. Okay. Not too shabby. Junior Boy Hunt was already a resounding success. She spun around to watch him walk to the kitchen and stared longingly at the way he poured her drink. Kristoff had disappeared somewhere, probably looking for Olaf. She’d meet up with him later. No worries.

So, then Anna skipped excitedly outside, finding a perfect spot next to the fire where she could see herself spending the rest of the night with Hans. What a thrill. She couldn’t wait.

She discarded her tank top, pleased enough to have a solid vodka-cranberry soiled excuse to show off her new bikini, fixed her braids, and pulled down her jean cutoff shorts. Biting her lip while she tried to determine how much of her abs would peek through while sitting on this chair.

Laying herself out in as Barbie as a pose as she could, Anna found her footing. Her body glistened in the light of the crackling fire, her freckles on display. Her shorts low enough on her hips to showcase her small waist and her voluptuous booty. Well. Not that he would really be able see her booty since she had to use it to, like, sit on. But still. She looked enrapturing like this and she knew it.

She counted down the seconds until she figured he would come back with their drinks and see her like this. Thrilled.

But then.

“Oh, hey, Anna,” Kristoff said, sliding into the spot next to her on the patio couch.

Anna shot to attention, emerged from her Barbie pose, and scooted a little bit away from him. “Oh. Kristoff. Hi.” Her eyes darted about, trying to see if she saw Hans anywhere. She didn’t want him to be turned off by the fact she now spoke to a guy like twice his size. Hans didn’t know that Kristoff was just a friend. And what if, seeing her here… he thought that it meant she found somebody new. That she didn’t want him. Because that wasn’t the case. Like, literally at all. Obviously. Anna had… maybe a couple times considered smooching Kristoff. Maybe a couple. Well, technically handful was the better word to describe how many times she’d had that thought. But that didn’t mean she liked him liked him. She just liked him as a friend. And sometimes it was hard to separate friend feelings from romantic feelings and… besides.

He definitely thought of her has a friend. A little sister he had said once. And it still made her stomach sink even thinking of the night he said those two words.

“You couldn’t find Olaf?”

“I’m not so sure he’s here. I looked all over.”

“Oh, well…” Anna started panicking a bit. She knew Hans had to be on his way, and if her big brother or best friend whatever the heck he was to her cock blocked her like this she would be pissed. Her eyes beat back and forth and back and forth. She didn’t see the flash of Hans’s red hair anywhere. For now, she was safe. But only for now. “Listen—”

Kristoff smiled softly. “Have I ever told you how cute you look in braids?”

The comment made Anna blush and momentarily forgot her mission. “No.”

“Well, you do. You—”

But then she saw Hans walking through the sliding glass door. And she got desperate. “Kristoff, um… I think it’s best—I need to—”

“Anna!” Hans somehow squeezed his way between the two of them on the couch. Kristoff recoiled and exhaled in a pout. “Got you these.” He handed her not one but two vodka sodas. For himself, he had chosen some generic looking beer bottle. “Thought you looked thirsty.”

Anna was happy to double fist. She felt like she needed some added liquid confidence for this next part of her quest.

“Who’s this guy?” Hans said this in a way that made it seem like Kristoff didn’t sit so close to him that their thighs rubbed together.

“That’s Kristoff. He’s my friend. Um…He was just leaving.” She’d explain everything to him later. But for now she felt bad.

Kristoff slouched, and his eyes shot to the floor. He looked so dejected that guilt churned within Anna’s stomach. But slowly he got up, nodding, not quite looking into Anna’s eyes when he said, “Yup. I need to… um. Bye.”

Anna exhaled slowly. Everything would be fine once she explained it to him. He probably already knew what the deal was.

So, she tried to put that thread of guilt out of her mind.

“Sorry about that. He’s great, I promise. He’s just… he gets overwhelmed at parties like this.” Anna moved in closer to Hans, trying to recreate her earlier pose. She took a sip of one of the drinks, placing the other one carefully on the floor. It was strong. Hans had blessed her with a heavy pour. She took a couple more gulps of the vodka and then cleared her throat. “So… where do you live?” Anna mentally kicked herself. What kind of a way to start the conversation was this?

“Newport.”

“Oh—um. Beach or Coast? I live in Newport Coast.”

“Beach. Port streets.”

“Awesome,” Anna said, exhaling. Trying to decide what her next move was. She took a few sips of the vodka soda, thankfully feeling a bit more buzzed. He had to have put at least two shots in it. “I—um—my family has a beach house on the Peninsula. Not too far from the Fun Zone, um. If you’ve ever been.”

“The Fun Zone?” His whole entire face lit up and he instantly became even dreamier. “Sure I’ve been. First ferris wheel I ever went on.”

Hans’s hand found Anna’s upper thigh and she instantly felt both a pressure down below and a heart heaving thrill of excitement the second he did. His eyes fell to her bikini again.

And then. Right then.

Anna knew she had him in the palm of her hand. She didn’t feel nervous anymore.

“The ferris wheel is great,” she laughed, effortlessly. “We used to go there all the time when I was little. My dad spun me too hard on the Drummer Boy and I threw up next to the trash can. Like, I was so close to making it an elegant barf that nobody had to clean up or anything but nope. I failed. Literally… adjacent to the trash can.”

Hans laughed now. Heartily.

Yes. Nice work, Anna. You’re funny. You’ve got this. Two points to Anna in the Junior Boy Hunt. And then, while still laughing, he moved his hand a little further up on her thigh. Two more points. “My sister made it to the bathroom. Barfed in the toilet. And I think that moment really set us on our life trajectories. Class Act Elsa and Hot Mess Anna.”

He laughed again. She had to give herself at least five points for that one.

“Elsa’s your sister?”

“Mmhmm. She’s like a super genius. Goes to this uppity boarding school in New England and will probably end up at Harvard or something after she graduates in May,” Anna said cheerily, chugging her drink. Willing herself to forget those unanswered phone calls. “And… meanwhile here I am.” She sipped—more like slurped—her drink at least thrice. “Hot.” Sip. “Mess.” Sip. She gulped. Time for a redirection. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Twelve.”

Now Anna laughed. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. I’m the youngest of thirteen. All brothers.”

“I’m jealous,” Anna said. Meaning it wholeheartedly. She’d love to have a house that full. But then she noticed Hans looking at her sideways and she recoiled. “Is that weird?” Hans didn’t answer her, he just ran his hand along her cheek. So slowly, so delicately that Anna felt herself shiver. “Must’ve been chaotic, then. Going to The Fun Zone as a pack of thirteen kids.”

“Yeah, my brothers were assholes about it. Always trying to force me on Scary Dark Ride.”

“What? You’re telling me you were scared?” Anna cackled. Literally cackled. “That ride’s so lame! Like, totally not scary. At all.”

Hans’s voice got lower, edging on husky when he said, “Maybe I’ll let you force me on it sometime.”

Anna’s heart almost stopped right there. He wanted to go out with her, like, on a date? Probably? That was a date, right? He meant this as a date? The two of them going to The Fun Zone. Maybe he meant in a group. Like a group of them would go and a group of them ride the ride and then get some ice cream and hang out at her beach house or something. But then Anna took a few more horrid burning sips of her drink and decided… fuck it. “You mean like a date?” She scooted even closer to him somehow and pushed her upper arms against her top. She didn’t have the biggest boobs. Well, definitely not compared to Ashley and her fake-ass ones, but she still knew how to show them off. And Hans seemed interested, so…

She tucked a loose strand of hair around her ear and chugged the last bit of one vodka soda as she waited for his answer.

But it never came.

Instead, she felt the warmth of his lips covering her own. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her on top of him, so she straddled him with ease.

“You’re beautiful,” he said between kisses.

Her heart fluttered at those words. Damn did it feel good to be complimented like that. To feel, even if only for a few minutes, that she was the center of somebody else’s world.

Anna could say nothing but, “You’re really hot. Like, really hot. Hot damn hot.” She laughed. Rambling again. “Okay I’m gonna stop talking now.”

She grabbed onto the back of his head and pulled him in closer, so they kissed deeper, tongues fighting for dominance.

He was by far the best kisser of the maybe seven-or-so people Anna had kissed in her life. There was something startling about it, honestly. Nobody else could measure up.

Hans knew what he was doing. He really, really knew what he was doing. And as his hand squeezed her ass, Anna let out a delighted moan. Shit. Yeah. This guy knew.

Eventually they transitioned to the porch swing, and then to the hammock, and then to a patch of grass by the hammock, and then the trampoline, and finally the hot tub. Both vodka sodas were finished now, the empty cups sitting by the fire, next to the pile of their discarded clothes. Anna still straddled him, kissing him deeply, thoroughly enjoying the new sensation the hot water provided.

It seemed the rest of the party-goers had cleared out of the backyard. Only the sounds of TLC kept them company. And maybe it was all the alcohol or maybe it was the sense of utter euphoria she felt after these hours with Hans, but damn kissing Hans almost felt like chasing waterfalls…. And that definitely meant that she had at least one million points in the Junior Boy Hunt.

But she wanted to take it a little bit further. To secure her spot. Maybe she needed a billion points to win her own game. “Um… are you sleeping here tonight?”

“That was the plan,” he said, crooning. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Duh. Always.”

“Your parents don’t want you back home?”

Anna laughed in spite of herself and rolled her eyes. “My parents are happy I’m not there to bother them.”

Hans grabbed hold of one of her braids and twirled it in his fingers. “Can I say something crazy?”

Anna nodded.

“I think I love you.”

Her jaw dropped. In a totally unladylike way as her mom would say if she even cared enough to criticize her daughter. Anna did a double take. “Wait, what?”

“I think I love you, Anna,” he repeated. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Those absolutely brilliant green eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and what she felt in that moment—that pure, raw, unadulterated pull toward him and only him… it must have been love.

“Oh—wow. I… um—” She blushed, slowly growing more confident. Love. Yes. This was love. “I think I love you, too.”

Their lips met again, more passionately, more purposeful. She felt hot all over and not just from the… you know—hot water of the hot tub and all that.

She had certainly received a billion points. No doubt about it.

And they stayed outside for the rest of the night. The two of them. They moved from the hot tub and back to the grass, back to the couch, back to the trampoline. They watched the stars, they split a bottle of wine, they made s’mores.

They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

And Anna knew this was love. This was exactly what love felt like.

To be someone’s world and someone’s rock and someone’s other half.

She loved love. She loved Hans.

This was the best night of her life.

[sugar-petals]

I know you've been getting tons of requests for more tarot readings, but OH DEAR LORD, PLEASE MAKE ANOTHER ONE! Also, I luv ur blog have a blessed day!!!

i had a sexy idea. what about i take you to date night with SuperM 👀

Taemin: THE CHARIOT

That card has major prince in extra shining armor energy. It’s a highly decorated guy riding a star-spangled wagon pulled by two sphinxes. Pretty extravagant is an understatement. It can’t get any more glamorous and it’s perfectly Taemin. Especially because THE CHARIOT traditionally symbolizes being famous. Rings a bell right there. Date night will go down in a fancy car or limousine, or you will spend a major part in some kind of expensive vehicle getting you where you planned to go. Safe to say the overdressed one will not be you. Yep, no matter how hard you try. And it can’t be any other way. Taemin will stun with glitter, high fashion, perfect hair, jewelry, makeup, lavish fabrics, a perfect body, anyways. So expensive, lord. You date the Prince of Korea. Taemin might get into trouble with fans or frentic paparazzi when he shows up like that man. So it only makes sense the venue is likely a bit out of town because the chariot card is set with a city backdrop that fades in the distance. It’s gonna be next to a body of water which is depicted behind the chariot. Really a more secluded and remote area. That also tells me it’s you he dresses up for after all, not the public. And, either way. That the main theme of the card is the vehicle, that’s where you’ll be cheek to cheek. Driver, roll up the partition, please. 

Baekhyun: KING OF SWORDS

Powerful card. Either of you, I suspect it’s Baekhyun, takes responsibility to organize everything to the very last detail. It’s more head over heart energy, a hurricane, literal brain-storm even. He will surely think it through a thousand times. You gotta be the one who says easy easy, it’s about you and me and not some management job where the setting and timing and whatnot gives you all kinds of pressure. Now you understand that Baekhyun’s serious, performance-like mode is at full throttle because he’s nervous as fuck, cares about you, and doesn’t want to make any mistakes. But that contradicts what date night is all about. It’s not supposed to be stress or a task. Rather than making a good impression and being perfect, you remind him to let go a little more and return to his goofy personality. The lesson of the card might go as far as having both of you realize that racking your brains to hard is a sign to do something else. Staying at home is not a bad thing, you might even enjoy yourselves much more because everything is already taken care of. Sword energy cuts, especially if it’s the King wielding it, in this case the cutting might refer to canceling plans short notice to pursue what you’re really in the mood for as a couple. Which in turn will be rewarding and something healthy to do because you don’t force yourselves into an obligation.

Lucas: THE LOVERS

So… to state the absolute obvious right away. Even if you aren’t too familiar with Tarot at all, you know for a fact that this card is a darn good one to pull for a relationship question. Lo and behold: Lucas is your #1 address for date night. If I were unsure whom to pick, THE LOVERS are the most unequivocal sign like, pack the condoms, bring out the perfume, feel good, make out… wait, too fast. First things first: Oh my, he’s gonna be amazing as your kind of date consort. The chemistry! Explosive. Since the card depicts Garden Eden, that’s gonna be your overarching theme if you will. Cloud nine essentially. This evening will be blessed and sheer paradise. Adam on the card is surrounded by flames on a tree so you bet Lucas is gonna be on fire. There are also quite a few fruits depicted so I guess your food will be sweet and light rather than heavy. Now, as for the elephant in the room. Adam and Eve are more than stark naked on that card. Sex will be involved 10/10, out of all member’s he’s the one guaranteed to lay that pipe. The Lovers card also symbolizes a decision. It might be the day Lucas chooses to propose to you, even. Your relationship will be bound for the next level there. The angel on the card tells me you are safe and protected.

Mark: THE TOWER

Unexpected! That card is just way too dramatic for a light romantic reading. Seeeriously. Especially with Mark as a member who’s known for being super goofy and cute instead of serene and grumpy. What it’s about is plain ole doom and destruction, bringing down the old to build and restart the new. Natural catastrophe and firestorms, even. Yeah like imagine sitting together with Mark eating chipotle and some bloody earthquake hits, that’s the scenario and… actually, no. Worry not, I think the card wants us to take the image literally. The date will be in or close to some kind of tower. Or any elevated structure for that matter. Eiffel Tower much? Tower of Pisa? Sounds very romantic to me. That we have a huge thunderstorm raging on this card tells me you’ll be inside watching the huge grey clouds and thunder which is gonna be quite spectacular. Summer might be the time of the year that date goes down since it’s the season most prone to thunderstorms. Note also how dark the tower card is, that date night will go on past midnight and it will be steamy, too.

Ten: FOUR OF CUPS

Instantly when I drew that card, I knew it’s him on it. The four of cups shows a young black-haired man with closed eyes, sitting under a tree. Whether he’s dozing, sulking, meditating, or ignoring what goes on around him isn’t entirely clear. To me, and for Ten, I feel like it’s more of a worn-out day he’ll experience. Not the date itself, mind you, it’s the social circumstances. He’s tired from dance practices and all those schedules. All the fan interactions and SNS to be taken care of. Lots of stuff going on in the group. Truth be told, the card says date night isn’t the best way to go about it. He wants to be in a state of full energy when being with you. That works best if he has a separate day planned. And not date night as an addition to an existing schedule. Cramming it in seems like deprioritizing his partner so he won’t easily consider even if you yourself suggest date night. He has his reasons but might not always care to elaborate which is interesting given how outspoken Ten is otherwise. Maybe he’s not keen to burden you with his stress and his main strategy is to stay indifferent to keep things at bay, he really values relaxation time — nothing against you, just virtue of his business.

Taeyong: TWO OF PENTACLES

Interesting and simple, beautiful card! It shows a young man juggling two pentacles inside an infinity symbol, acting as a scale. That tells me two things: a) you’ll split the bill and b) this is a long-term relationship. Random I know, but makes for interesting context. The main theme from the card is the following though. It’s gonna be a date by the sea. There are water and ships pictured. You’ll see the anchorage and freight ships, even take a trip across a river alternatively. Who knows, the River Han is a popular dating spot in Seoul, I am sure someone so fond of all things nature will gravitate towards that. Looking at the waves is like a meditative experience. I also got an idea looking at that card once more, something more small scale: A pool date, super sexy. Like, imagine that. Taeyong is just an avid swimmer in pools, we’ve seen it. A bit of refreshment, some games with a ball, a bit of accidental exercise along the way without it feeling like a chore? Sounds about right. Plus you automatically get frisky in your swimwear. He’s not afraid to show his body. Whatever it is, a body of water will be involved for sure. If it’s by the sea an not inside water: Taeyong will wear either a red or even orange suit, we’re going fashion forward tonight babey, he can pull it off.

Kai: TEN OF WANDS

When I drew this I was like oh nu why :/ But we gotta roll with it. It’s not a seriously scary thing or something, just a more strenous, not 100% smooth romance card. The Ten of Wands is more of an indicator that there’s an obstacle or strain involved. It might be the kind of date where Kai is clumsy, someone doesn’t make it on time, it’s a hassle to find the parking lot, and so on and so forth. Consistent bad luck I do not associate with the TEN OF WANDS, however! It’s more of a what effort you put in is what dictates the result energy. The card shows a hunched guy carrying ten huge wooden sticks toward a town in the backdrop. And you can really see it’s heavy and he’s struggling because he has to carry so much. So, it might be a scenario where like, say Kai and you get stuck in traffic before you arrive. Which, you know, can be super annoying but can easily turned into a perk if you know what to do with the extra time. Or, Kai takes up so much responsibility with planning that he gets exhausted with the rest of his work in the mix. Though remember, effort always comes back tenfold (it’s the ten of wands after all) so it might be worth it and be a wholesome evening after some initial stress. Something unrelated I picked up from the imagery is that the date will be in a castle, because that is pictured in the backdrop!

[jessicasland]

The One That Fits Right In Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rocky Beginnings Reagan stared at the large white school building in front of her. It was her first day at the public high school and since she moved with her family, she already felt nervous. Reagan’s face went pale, she felt like she was going to be sick, there were butterflies in her stomach. It was big, bigger than the palace she used to live in back in Southern France. Was she really going to go in there? Well, she had no other choice. She took a big deep breath and walked up the stairs to the main hall. Reagan look at all the students bustling, talking, and laughing in the hallways. It was completely crowded! She couldn’t even walk without being squished in between one or two of the students. She checked her schedule. The first thing she needed to do was find her locker. It was locker 239. Reagan adjusted her glasses once she managed to get out of the tsunami of students to find her locker. There were endless rows of tall dark green lockers. But which one was her’s? As she passed by the students, she always remembered to say her “excuse me’s” or “pardon me’s” when she was trying to get through, and remembered to say her “sorry’s” when she accidentally bumped into people. Reagan was about to check the next row of lockers to find hers until- BUMP! The next thing Reagan knew, she was on the ground. Her backpack, books, and lunchbox were scattered on the ground. In front of her was another girl. She had short brown hair and sap colored eyes. Her skin was the color of a what someone would look like if they had gotten a sun tan. She also wore very expensive clothing, tall high heal like boots, and had layers and layers of foundation and make up on her face. Reagan gasped and said, “Oh geez. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” She pulled the other girl into her feet and picked up all her books and makeup. “Here. These belong to you don’t they?” “Don’t you dare touch those!” said the girl, snatching the belongings out of Reagan’s hands. “Don’t you know how much money all this makeup costs?!” “...No.” Regan replied. “I-I don’t think we’ve officially met before during the orientation. I’m Reagan!” Reagan smiled and held out her hand for the other girl to shake. The girl looked at Reagan and looked at her hand and sneered in disgust. Using a pencil, the girl moved Reagan’s hand away, “Oh yes. The new girl from, what was i? Larodon? Southern France?” “That’s right! Future Heir to the throne to!” replied Reagan. “So, what’s your name?” The girl scoffed and replied, “You don’t know who I am?” Reagan said, “No not really. That’s what I was trying to ask you.” “My name is Harper. Harper Jane Cadigan Scott.” said the girl. “And these four girls make up my group. The one with the black hair is Marissa, the one with the gross looking flying pig thing on her shirt is Elle, the one who’s the brace face is Lorraine,” Reagan mouthed to Lorraine, “You’re braces look nice.” and Loraine mouthed back “Thanks.” Harper continued, “and the one in the yellow which is a really disgusting color BTW, is known as Krystal.” Reagan stared at them before saying, “Nice to meet ya.” “So, now that you know this little group here, get outta my way.” said Harper, turning up her nose. “What are you even doing anyway?” “Oh, um. I’m looking for my locker.” said Reagan, showing Harper her schedule. “It’s locker 239.” “What?! You can’t have that locker!” said Harper. “Why not? The school staff gave it to me so that means it’s mine for this year.” said Reagan. “But that’s my locker!” said Harper. “Everyone knows that locker 239 is the biggest locker in the school! Well, everyone except you Four Eyes.” “I know. That’s why they gave it to me.” said Reagan. Harper growled and was ready to strangle Reagan but Marissa stopped her and said, “Harper. We gotta go. Besides, I heard Kaiden was in our economics class.” Harper gasped in delight, “Why didn’t you say so?! Let’s go!” The other girls followed Harper down the hall, except for Loraine, who stayed behind to help Reagan find her locker and just like Harper had said, locker 239 was the biggest locker in the entire school. Reagan waisted no time to get started organizing her brand new locker. “Shame.” Reagan said to herself. “This locker looks so dull. It would be nice to spice it up a bit.” Then, Reagan had a wonderful, spectacular idea! Tomorrow before school started, she would bring in the beautiful acrylic paints that she had gotten for her birthday back in the summer and paint her locker till her her hearts desire. Reagan checked her schedule as she finished placing the new lock on the front. Reagan’s Schedule - A Day: Mon, Wed, Fri 1st Period-Art 3rd Period-US History 5th Period-Biology 7th Period-Office Aid B Day: Tues, Thurs 2nd Period-Spanish 1 4th Period-Culinary Arts 6th Period-English 2 8th Period-Algebra 2 Lunch: First Lunch Reagan was happy when she saw her first class. Art was one of her favorite things to do! She would spend hours a day just drawing and doodling in her sketchbook. It even helped her when she was stressed or upset. So this class would really help improve her art a bit more, especially when it came to drawing hands. History. Oh brother. History was super long and super boring and History wasn’t one of her strengths. Biology. Mmm, not so bad. But then Reagan remembered she didn’t really like it as much when she was homeschooled because she never got to do any labs at all. Office Aid? What was that? Spanish. Perfect! She more or less knew some words in Spanish thanks to homeschool. And one of her aunts spoke Spanish to so this would help expand her vocabulary. Culinary Arts? Wow! She loved to help the family’s personal chef in the kitchen back home and bake things on her own from time to time to! She could learn to cook and expand from making a simple PB and J sandwich. English. Interesting. Would she be learning the language English? Algebra. It was neither her weakness or her strength. But she was well advanced in math seeing how good at it she was. Reagan checked the time on her watch. 7:55AM “Uh oh.” thought Reagan, “I should already be at art class!” She didn’t wanna miss her first real class. She stuffed her schedule in her pocket, picked up her art supplies and sketchbook, and dashed down the hall to the art room. The minute Reagan stepped foot into the room, she was already greeted with large tables, pictures and paintings from years past, easels, light tables, tables with five chairs for five students to sit at, and a closet filled with tons of art supplies. But the professor was missing. Where was she...or he? Reagan dropped her things at the nearest table and walked around the room while the students chatted amongst themselves. She looked around the large room but then stopped at the closet. She saw a short figure who looked shorter than her, fumbling about where the paints were. Reagan asked in a shy tone, “U-Uh. E-Excuse me? I-I don’t mean to be a bother b-but uh. Where did the professor run off to?” The women bumped her head before turning to Reagan. She looked and dressed like a gypsy women. Beads and all. Reagan’s eyes widened as she saw her. The women hopped down from the ladder and walked up to Reagan. “You’re lookin’ right at her.” she replied. She had a thick Russian accent. “Oh. It’s uh, nice to meet you.” said Reagan. “I-I’m-“ “New student. I know.” she replied. “Davay! Davay! out out out!” She pushed Reagan out of the closet and said, “Take your seat. I don’t have all day.” Reagan said nothing and took her seat. This art professor seemed pretty rude. The women clapped her hands to get the students attention. “Dobroye UUUUtro class.” said the lady, holding the U. “Dobroye Utro Ms. Preobrazhensky.” said the rest of the class. “Welcome welcome! I would love to welcome you all to my Art class.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Now, vhile I take the roll. I would like you to complete your first sketchbook assignment. Vou must draw your name and draw all de things you kiddies like. Uh, for instance uh de Fortnite game or de annoying song vith the colorful sharks or vhat ever you kiddies like now a-days. Da! Begin.” Regan opened her big, black sketchbook and got to work. She wrote her name in big bubbly letters and colored it red. Then she got to work on surrounding her name with many things she liked like. Her drawing consisted of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a lamb, a paint pallet with a paintbrush, a drawing of Iron Man, the symbol for Taurus, a stack of comic books, a steam engine train, Patch from 101 Dalmatians, and some puzzle pieces representing the fact that she has Autism. She didn’t notice that any time passed by until Ms. Preobrazhensky shouted, “Gold Girl!” Reagan jumped in her seat in surprise. Most kids snickered at her. “Come on, let me see your vork.” she barked. Reagan showed Ms. Preobrazhensky her sketchbook. Ms. Preobrazhensky stared at it for a while before she took it to her desk. Reagan sat in her seat for the longest time while the gypsy looking art teacher was staring at her sketchbook. She felt nervous and started twirling a loose strand of her hair (which she often does when she’s nervous). “REAGAN!” Ms. Preobrazhensky screeched. Regan’s eyes widened as the teacher called her. She stood up and walked to the desk. “Niet! Niet! In my office.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, pointing a long bony finger to a small office. Reagan gulped and stepped into her office. Was she going to get in trouble on her very first day? Ms. Preobrazhensky closed the door and started.....hugging Reagan. Reagan was confused. “Vou brilliant child! Look at this!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, showing her the assignment. “I had no idea you’s could draw so well! How long have you’s been drawing?” “..Since I was 3.” said Reagan, still twirling her hair. “I’ve never seen dis type of talent in my class before.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “My dear! There is not much I can teach you! You have very good talent!” “Really?” asked Reagan excitedly. “...but I wish I could draw hands better. My hands look like potatoes.” “Tell you what.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “How about I gives you some pointers on how to draw hands. During the lunch break. You’s can have your lunch here and then we can start.” “You mean it?” asked Reagan with a gleam in her eyes. “Of course of course!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “After all, talent like this does not show up everyday. Although. I am curious about de puzzle pieces you drew here. Wvat do they mean?” Reagan fumbled with her words. If she told the teacher, let alone the whole school that she had Aspergers, she’d be the laughing stock of the entire 10th grade! “U-Uh....I-I love to do puzzles.” Reagan lied. “Ahh.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, “interesting hobby for a girl your age.” “Uh yep.” said Reagan with a nervous laugh. Ms. Preobrazhensky handed back her sketchbook. “So, I wvill see you during lunch on Wednesday?” asked Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Sure!” said Reagan, “Thank you. Thank you Ms. Preoba...uh, can I call you Ms. P?” “Of course you may.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Cool. Thank you Ms. P!” said Reagan as she walked back to her seat. She sighed with relief. .... The rest of the morning went by in a blur and before Reagan knew it, it was lunchtime. She took her orange metal lunchbox and headed for the cafeteria. Reagan walked slowly as she tried to find a seat but most of the students already called dibs on each table. Then, Reagan saw Harper and her group of friends (minus Loraine) sitting at half-empty table eating and gossiping. “Harper!” said Reagan. “Harper! It’s Reagan from this morning!” Harper stopped her, “Hold it Four Eyes!” Reagan stopped dead in her tracks. “This table is for popular girls only.” said Harper. “Yeah, we don’t take in newbies!” added Marissa. “B-But I don’t have anywhere else to sit.” said Reagan. “Tough!” said Krystal. “Let me show you where the newbies sit.” said Harper. She lead Reagan to the garbage cans in the corner of the cafeteria. “B-But that’s the garbage can.” Reagan said. “Exactly. That’s where all the newbies go. Because every single newbie that comes to this school is nothing but a lowlife piece of trash!” explained Harper. “Ask the freshmen! Trust me, this seating arrangement is WAY up you’re alley.” With that, Harper walked away, leaving Reagan alone. Well, Reagan had no other choice. She sat on the floor and ate her lunch. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some apple slices, a little white milk carton, some celery sticks, and a chocolate chip cookie. Loraine noticed that Reagan was sitting on the floor by herself. “You got sent to the trash to?” she asked. “Yep.” said Reagan, not paying attention. “I know how that feels.” Loraine replied. “I got sent here to. But you wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t sit with you.” Loraine sat next to Reagan. “S-So. You’re Reagan?” asked Loraine. “Uh-huh.” Reagan replied. “And you’re........Marissa?” “Close. It’s Loraine.” said Loraine. “Ohhh! Brace Face!” said Reagan. Loraine stared at her and started to eat her food. Reagan realized that she wasn’t supposed to say that. “Oh geez. U-Uh, Loraine I didn’t mean to uh-“ “No, it’s Ok. I get that a lot. Even Harper calls me Brace Face.” said Loraine reassuring her. “Then, if Harpers your friend, why does she cal you brace face?” asked Reagan. Loraine looked at Harper and then back at Reagan. “Harper’s cool and all but she’s...she’s a real jerk sometimes.” replied Loraine, “and besides, she’s never complimented on my braces before. I just got them a week ago and they hurt like crazy.” “Oh, here.” said Reagan handing her an Advil cup. “Take an Advil pill, it will help with the pain.” Loraine took a tablet and swallowed it with some milk to wash it down before handing back the Advil cup back to Reagan. “Thank you.” said Loraine. “Hey, since we’re here, wanna tell secrets? If that’s what you royalty folks like doing.” “Sure!” said Reagan. “Uh, you go first.” “OK.” said Loraine. She whispered, “I have had this weird habit of biting my nails. I still have it and nobody else knows this.” “M-My turn.” said Reagan. “The thing is that I...I............IhaveAspergersSyndrome.” “What?” asked Loraine, “You we’re speaking to fast Reagan.” “Sorry.” she replied, “I…I have Asperger’s Syndrome…its a case of mild Autism. I’ve had it since I was two and it-it effects me socially and mentally. I have some weird obsessions. I still watch Blues Clues for pete’s sake and-“ “Reagan.” said Loraine, “I’ve heard enough. But why don’t you wanna tell anyone this information?” “I-I don’t wanna tell anyone because I-I didn’t wanna get bullied again.” said Reagan. Loraine held out her pinky and said, “I won’t tell a soul that you have Autism. It’s a promise. A pinky promise.” Reagan looked at her pinky and joined hers in with Loraine’s. “Thank you.” said Reagan as she hugged Loraine. Loraine was shocked but hugged her back.

[heka-write]

Merlin Rewrite #2: Morgana’s Character Arc

Doing this rewrite series has made me realize that all of the characters in this show had a lot of lost potential. Merlin could have been more enlightened, Arthur could have been more accepting, Gwen could have had more natural character development. But Morgana was probably the most robbed character of all, and I think the show mishandling her character was ultimately one of it’s downfalls. 

Morgana Pre -Villain days

Morgana was really at her peak in Seasons 1 and 2. She was good at heart, but also edgy enough to be a rebel. She cared for the citizen’s of Camelot, both magical and non-magical. She scolded Uther’s treatment of the poor and the magicians, in contrast to Arthur who was more hesitant to question his father’s policies. 

More importantly, she was complex. She hated Uther’s policies and did plot to kill him so he could be overthrown, but when time came to actually go through with her plan (in Season 1 episode 12) she couldn’t do it. Not only does she really care about Uther, but she was good at heart. She couldn’t kill.

Even in the season 2 finale when she plots to kill Uther again, she shows such reservation on going through with her plan. You can see how hesitant and regretful she looks after the plan is set in motion. 

Then Merlin poisons her. She is visibly hurt and shows feelings of betrayal.  Morgause takes her away, and she is gone for a year. 

Naturally, her hatred for Camelot grows, and her anger for Merlin for betraying her is intact. It makes sense for her to try overthrowing Camelot once again. 

So what part of her arc in the show doesn’t make sense? 

Morgana’s Behavior Post-Villain 

Morgana comes back, rightfully mad at Uther, rightfully distrustful of Merlin, but she is suddenly brutally killing harmless guards, and letting innocent civilians die. 

Good? The whole reason Morgana went against Uther in the first place was because he was killing innocent people. Why would she say “good” or even put other innocent people at risk? Morgana joining the villain team because she has no other way of fighting against Uther’s tyranny makes sense, but this? This is straight up OOC. 

People often talk about how Morgana wasn’t an effective villain. Seasons 3-5 are essentially three seasons of Morgana trying a scheme to overthrow Arthur, failing and trying again the next episode. Critics are definitely right in this respect; the only thing that she really accomplished was killing Uther, and Arthur in the very end (but also dying herself, so that doesn’t really count) all of her other plans fail repeatedly. We know Merlin will come in at the end of the episode (or the next if it’s a two parter) and thwart her plan. 

In season 1, we had a different villain every week. Each one had their own unique personality and goals so seeing them fail didn’t get repetitive the same way it did for Morgana. 

Not only that, but her motivation was completely whack. Her goal was to protect innocent magical people from being killed, but she killed plenty of innocent people herself. How exactly would that work? None of the peaceful magical people would bow down to her if she looked like she would be a ruthless and cold leader. 

Her hatred of Gwen in particular came out of left field. Morgana had a strong bond with Arthur before becoming evil, and it made a bit of sense as to her hating him because he was following in Uther’s footsteps. However, her bond with Gwen was completely shoved under the rug for the sake of causing conflict. The show was trying to say she hated Gwen because she betrayed her (in her Season 3 takeover), but where did the hatred of her becoming Queen come from? Morgana never cared about royalty until she found out she had a right to the throne, so why is Gwen such a threat to her when they had an intense bond? When just the prior season she was begging Uther to save her (Guinevere and Lancelot)? Morgana didn’t just hate the way Uther treated magicians, she hated the way he treated the poorer civilians of his Kingdom. Her hatred of Gwen completely contradicted her motivations. 

I’ve watched the show twice as of now. The fact that I can’t pinpoint the exact actions or reasons as to why Morgana started hating her best friend shows how convoluted it all was. 

Back to her bond with Arthur, the aftermath of that bond wasn’t addressed well either. They were super close in season 1, distant in season 2, and after season 3 they are just enemies. There is no recollection of their pre-villain bond. No moments of hesitation or complexity. No mention of their bond before Merlin even came to Camelot. Morgana simply hated him and he simply treated her as an enemy. We only get some half assed lines about “my sister” or “my brother”, there is no real feeling behind them. 

All in all, Morgana was not an effective villain action wise nor motivation wise. Villains are nothing without their motivation, and the thing about Morgana is that her motivation was not evil. 

Her motivation was that she wanted to protect magical people from unjust persecution. Camelot embodied that oppression. Uther was a tyrant. Her motivation was actually good, but because it went against the hero’s (Merlin and Arthur) destiny, she was automatically vilified by the narrative. 

The reason Morgana failed as an evil character was because the writers’ were too desperate to have a consistent villain. They wanted a final boss instead of a villain of the week routine. It didn’t matter that Morgana’s motivation made little sense in portraying her as evil. It didn’t matter that two seasons of character interaction and relationships were being contradicted. As long as they could have a FV they would do it.  Morgana failed as a character because the writer’s shoved her complexity under the rug for the sake of making her a villain instead of embracing her complexity and letting it flourish. 

How it Should Have Been Done

I have spent the entirety of this post talking about how badly Morgana’s villain arc was handled, but I am not against the idea of her having a villain arc. In fact, I think Morgana would have perfectly suited the anti- hero arc, one where she joins the villains to fulfill the needs the hero team can’t meet, but ultimately comes back to the good side with a fresh perspective. 

Other people have pointed this out, but Morgana’s character would have been perfect for a lancer arc in the five-man band. In this case it would be the four-man band of her, Merlin, Arthur and Gwen. 

Arthur is the hero of the show, and in true lawful good nature he follows the law of the land and is completely loyal to his father’s ways. Morgana, in the lancer contrast, is more chaotic good and does what she thinks is right, regardless of if it is lawful or not. She has openly rebelled against Uther for what she thought was right. Morgana and Arthur were presented as complete foils to one another, and it fit perfectly well because they were half brother and sister. 

It does total sense for Morgana, not having any other resource to turn to, to join the villains to take down Camelot. Especially since Merlin had kept her in the dark, she could have joined them or worked with them but not go completely off the rails like she did in the show. 

A prime example of this is Sasuke Uchiha from Naruto. Sasuke was more morally ambiguous than Naruto or anyone in the Leaf Village, so he temporarily joined the villain Orochimaru to achieve his goals of getting revenge on his brother because his hometown simply could not help him. However (in the early days of the show) even when he was with Orochimaru he would not kill innocent people. The show had implied since the beginning that Sasuke would eventually come back to the good side, because he was never truly evil.

Plenty of other shows have followed a similar arc structure, and even though it may be cliche to some it would have been beneficial for Morgana’s character because it keeps her complexity while also highlighting the complexity of the issue.

Morgana, in her time away from Camelot, would have to struggle in deciding which side to choose. The villains would insist that the only way to get rid of Uther’s unjust laws is to hurt the citizens of Camelot, but she wouldn’t do it because she knows that’s wrong. Arthur and Camelot would insist that the only way to rid the world of the evils of magic would be to persecute magicians, but she would stand against that too. In her time away, she would learn that there aren’t just two sides to a problem, that the world isn’t black or white. That instead of joining Morgause or any other magical villain, she could join the Druids and other peaceful magical people in protest and rebellion. 

 If she eventually came back to help Camelot, this would have a positive affect on Arthur as well. The girl he thought betrayed him came back to help him, despite the fact that she is now working with magicians. He would be confused because his father had taught him his whole life that magic was wrong, but his own half sister would be fighting for good. 

Arthur and Morgana relationship could be a lot more fleshed out and complex. Arthur would be fighting the side of Camelot’s protection, Morgana would be fighting the side of innocent magician’s protection, and they would eventually have to come together and find an even solution that meets halfway. It would be especially symbolic because it would mean Uther’s children are bringing peace to the land by bringing together both sides that he had failed. This type of rivalry of philosophies in fiction is almost always done in male-male or fraternal relationships, so having it done through a brother and sister relationship would be something new. 

The middle ground that these two siblings would meet would obviously be through Merlin. He has always the one in the shadows mediating relations between Camelot and the magician, so having him do the same thing between Arthur and Morgana and eventually bring peace through that would earn him his title in the show. This would be possible if Morgana was still IC, and not just turned completely into a villain and closed off to Merlin. This scenario would be much more preferable than him simply taking Arthur’s side and eliminating anything that got in the way. The show completely threw his bond with Morgana under the bus for the sake of Merthur and fulfilling his destiny, and I think that was ultimately his downfall (but I’ll get into that in another post). 

This scenario could also fix the problems with her relationship with Gwen after season 3. I could definitely see Morgana being away from Camelot and resentful of it, but coming back to help save Gwen when she is in danger. Arthur would be annoyed, but reluctantly accept her help because someone they both care about is in danger. 

I could also see Gwen being resistant to Morgana, but ultimately accepting her because Morgana proves she is loyal to her, the same way she was before she found out she had magic. 

This storyline for Morgana would also make so much sense because in the Arthurian legend (to my knowledge) she does get redeemed at the very end. She does turn good, so why couldn’t the writer’s give her this chance in the show? 

In conclusion, this storyline for Morgana would have been 10000x better for the show than what we really got. The reason the real ending failed was because Arthur and Merlin ultimately failed. They failed to bring magic back to Camelot. They failed to bring peace. Arthur failed to live on as a successful king. They failed because they refused to acknowledge the humanity in Morgana’s argument, and the side of the magical people. If Merlin had reached out to the opposite side (the side that he has ties to), he would have been able to win them over. If he defended Morgana in front of Arthur more, she would have stayed good. Instead, anything against Camelot was automatically labeled as evil, and nothing was really able to change. The show just continued the cycle of two sides, and failed to bring them together because it failed to let Morgana be seen as a complex leader of her side. But I’ll get into the detail of Merlin’s toxic loyalty to Camelot in a different post. 

Believe it or not, this post was actually cut short. In the upcoming installments of the “Rewriting Merlin” series, a lot of my other posts would be influenced by a better Morgana storyline. That’s how important she was to the show. 

[walteinsamkeit]

Information about the Courtiers

So, here we are. This is a huge post with all the information I could possibly gather about the Courtiers. The idea for this post was born out of sheer interest in this kind of stuff and the desire to know more about it, and I figured other people might as well be interested in it. Some of this might be far-fetched, so I would like to say that this isn’t a theory in any way, shape or form. It’s just a collection of information that caught my eye or facts that I found particularly interesting. Some parts involve me drawing conclusions or making assumptions. This is how I interpreted these things. You are allowed to disagree with me, but please be respectful. More might be added to it at a later date. If you see anything that isn’t correct (including typos/spelling mistakes), or would like to add to this, make sure to contact me! If you’re missing something here and have a question that you would like answered or a thing you want to see explained, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message either. Finally, I would like to thank @gummy-vitamin-gobbler​ for being my proof reader. I honestly didn’t want to put anyone through reading this entire thing and I’m super grateful you volunteered. You’re the best <3 Proceed with caution as this text does contain spoilers!  This post is in alphabetical order based on their names, with a few general facts at the bottom of it.

General information Vesuvia’s royal court consists of five members. Their titles were given to them by Lucio when he became the Count. As reported by Valerius, the other four Courtiers were present on the night of the murder outside of Lucio’s room, thus making them key witnesses.  Quaestor Valdemar is the palace’s head physician and Julian’s former boss. They seem to be obsessed with the Red Plague and delight in the chaos the disease brought to the city of Vesuvia. Not much more is known about them. Consul Valerius, as his title suggests, is a consul to the royal Palace and reportedly a key witness to Lucio’s murder. A tarot reading done by the apprentice reveals that Valerius has his own agenda, despite seeming supportive of Nadia and her aims at first. Praetor Vlastomil, besides serving as a judge, was Lucio’s business partner. He is an eccentric man obsessed with insects, particularly with worms, and has entire rooms dedicated to them at his manor.  Procurator Volta is in charge of the city’s food supply and was essential during the Plague according to Nadia on account of her being able to smell the Plague off of people and other things. She is always hungry and never seems to be satisfied. Pontifex Vulgora is described by Nadia as a warmonger who has won many battles in Vesuvia’s name. They are extremely aggressive and obsessed with destruction, often threatening others. Quaestor Valdemar Name • Valdemar is a Scandinavian masculine name that finds its origins in the Old High German name Waldemar. It consists of the elements wald (meaning “to rule”) and mar (meaning “fame”). This German form was introduced to Scandinavia as Valdemar in the 12th century with King Valdemar I of Denmark. It’s particularly famous for being the name of many Scandinavian monarchs, and is sometimes considered to be the equivalent of the Slavish name Vladimir (meaning “of great power” or, in folk etymology, “ruler of the world”). The Old Norse form is Valdamarr (or Valdarr), which occurs in many tales and sagas.   Title • A quaestor, back in Ancient Rome, was a public official. The term quaestor translates to “investigator”. The position served many different functions that differed per time period. In the Roman Kingdom, the quaestores parricidii (quaestors with judicial powers) were appointed by the king to investigate and handle murders and capital crimes.  Headdress • The type of wrapped, horned headdress Valdemar wears is called a hennin. It was worn by European women of nobility in the late Middle Ages, and although it’s not clear what distinct styles of headdress the word hennin specifically referred to at the time, it has been recorded to be used in France as far back as 1428. However, the word wasn’t used in the English language until the 19th century. There are many different styles, such as the conical hennin generally accompanied with a veil (which is called the cointoise), the escoffin (a more heart-shaped hennin), the truncated hennin (with a flat top), the divided hennin (which was often covered in white cloth), the beehive hennin and the related Lebanese tantour headdress. The particular style worn by Valdemar seems most inspired by the butterfly hennin (thank you for this suggestion @gummy-vitamin-gobbler​!) Appearance • As stated on the Arcana Wiki, Valdemar has dirty blonde hair (as can be deducted from the color of their eyebrows) and red eyes with slit pupils, like a cat. It is to be noted that their facial structure seems very similar to that of Nadia (and her sisters), with the same nose shape and eye color, and what seems to be the same skin undertones. It is a possibility that Valdemar is from Prakra. They wear a white lab coat with an overlapping mandarin collar on which they wear their beetle brooch, shoulder length gloves, a black waist apron and a white surgical mask. While there is no existing labcoat design that looks like Valdemar’s, the buttoning style is somewhat similar to the “Howie” style lab coat, although it might be a bit of a stretch. This is a variant of the basic lab coat adopted for the added safety. The Howie coat was named after J. W. Howie, who was the President of the College of Pathologists. This style has the buttons on the left flank, elasticated wrists and a mandarin collar.  Tarot card • The card Valdemar represents is Death. Death is ruled by Scorpio, suggesting that their zodiac sign might be Scorpio. There is, however, a discrepancy at play here, considering Valerius’ sign, which we will come to later. The number of the card is 13, which is a number sacred to the Goddess as there are 13 full moons in a year. In Asra’s tarot deck, Death is portrayed by a skeleton horse. It’s not clear whether Valdemar represents the upright or reversed card meaning. Considering Valdemar’s seeming inability to let go of the Red Plague and desire for it to return, one might argue they represent Death Reversed.  In traditional decks, Death is often portrayed by an armored skeleton riding a white horse and carrying a banner. The armor is symbolic for the fact Death is invincible and unconquerable - no one can triumph over him. The white horse stands for purity, as Death is the ultimate purifier, and doesn’t discriminate between age, race or gender.  This card is probably the most feared and misunderstood out of all of them, as people often take the meaning of it far too literally. Upright, it is actually a positive card that stands for significant transformation, change, transition and new beginnings. Reversed, Death reflects reluctance to let go of the past and a refusal to accept change. 

Consul Valerius Name • A masculine name of ancient Roman origin. This was a patronymic family name derived from the Latin valere “to be strong” or “to be healthy”, and was the name of several early saints (this ties in with him representing the Hierophant card). The Valerius family was prominent from the very beginning of the Republic to the latest period of the Empire, and a lot of its members were among the most celebrated statesmen and generals. This even went as far as several of the Roman emperors claiming to be descendants of the Valerii. It’s also to be noted that there were a lot of consuls who bore the name Valerius.  Valerian is also an herb with sweetly scented pink or white flowers that has sedative and anxiolytic effects. The name of the herb is derived from the verb valere, just like the name Valerius. It has many other names, one of which is all-heal. This name is also used for plants in the genus Stachys, although one of the nicknames for this specific plant is lamb’s ears. Nicholas Culpeper, a seventeenth century astrological botanist, said that the herb was of special value against the plague.  Title • Consuls, back in ancient Rome, were magistrates comparable with prime ministers or presidents. Apart from the oldest, it was also the most important position in the cusus honorum or “course of offices”. Consuls always came in pairs and served for only one year to prevent corruption. They were the chairmen of the Senate (which served as a board of advisers), commanded the army and exercised the highest juridical power in the Roman empire. Consuls had the right to interfere with the decisions of praetors and quaestors.  Appearance • Notable about the Consul’s clothing is the golden ram brooch he wears on his shawl. In the tarot deck used in The Arcana, The Hierophant is represented by a ram. Valerius is also the only courtier who doesn’t wear a red beetle brooch, so this makes it an exceptionally remarkable feature.  Valerius wears his ombre hair French-braided and draped over his shoulder. Ombré, literally meaning “shaded” in French, describes the gradual transition from one hue to another, usually from dark to light or vice versa. Ombre was popular in fabric printing as far back as the early 19th century.  His underclothing seems to consist of what is either a jumpsuit-like one piece or two separate pieces with gold trim on the cuffs and collar.  On top of this he wears an asymmetrical, taupe, frock-inspired, tunic-like overcoat with three-quarter bell sleeves, a golden cord in the front and what seems to be some kind of button and loop fastening, also called “frog fastening” or “Chinese frog”. This is a type of ornamental braiding of sorts consisting of a button and a loop and serves for fastening the front of a garment. This particular type of closing is often found on clothing of Asian design. Frogging was also a popular type of fastening for military uniforms from the 17th to the 19th century. His shoes have gold decoration, red soles and spool heels. The hand that Valerius keeps near his body also seems to be lighter than the rest of his skin, leading me to believe he wears a glove on this hand.  Tarot card • The card Valerius most likely represents is The Hierophant. The Hierophant, in Asra’s tarot deck, is depicted as a ram. Valerius’ ram brooch seems to allude to a connection between the two. There is however one problem concerning this theory, namely that The Hierophant is ruled by Taurus, and not by Scorpio, which happens to be Valerius’ canon zodiac sign. This would make him the only known character in the entire story representing a card that does not match their zodiac sign.  The card’s number is five and it is commonly depicted as a religious figure sitting on a throne. The three elaborate vestments of his office that he wears represent the three worlds. He wears a crown and his right hand is raised in benediction - this is the same hand that the Magician has raised, but where the Magician draws raw power from the universe and manifests it on the material plane, the Hierophant channels his power through society (in the form of religion). The crossed keys of the Hierophant represent a balance between the conscious and subconscious mind, and are used to unlock mysteries.  Upright, the Hierophant means religion, group identification, conformity, tradition and beliefs. Reversed, it means restriction and challenging the status quo.  What is interesting to note is that the Hierophant is also known as the Pope, the High Priest (as a masculine counterpart to the High Priestess), the Shaman, and Chiron. Chiron is a comet with an erratic orbit. In astrology it symbolizes the “wounded healer” in the natal chart. Chiron represents our deepest wound and our efforts to heal it. In Greek mythology, Chiron was a centaur who was a healer and teacher who ironically enough could not heal himself. The symbol for Chiron is a key, much like the keys that the Hierophant himself holds, used for unlocking secrets.  The wounds of a Chiron in Scorpio native are nihilism, sexual addiction, power struggles, jealousy and obsession and trouble leaving bad relationships.  Praetor Vlastomil Name • While Vlastomil isn’t an actual name (I know, I was surprised too), Vlastimil is. It’s a common Slavic masculine name consists of the elements vlast (meaning “homeland”) and mil (meaning “favor”). This however is the modern meaning of these words and it should be said that they are derived from volsti (power, government, rule, sovereignty) and mil(a) (kind, loving, and gracious). The Latin form of this name is Patrick (I have no idea how). Patrick can be found as a name derived from the Latin Patricius, which means “nobleman”.  Title • Praetors served as judges of the Roman Republic and, in the absence of the consuls, commanded armies. It was a title granted by the government and was inferior only to senators and consuls. One could only become a praetor after serving at least one term as a quaestor. The Praetor Urbanus acted as the chief administrator of Rome and wasn’t allowed to leave the city for more than ten days. They were the main magistrate responsible for trying the people of Rome. Hat • Vlastomil’s feathered cap is called a beret. It is a soft, round, somewhat floppy, flat-crowned hat for both men and women that originates in France and Spain. It fits snugly around the head and can be shaped in a variety of ways. There are many different styles of berets and aside from it often being seen as headgear in the military it was very much beloved by European nobility and artists throughout history. The Basque style beret, which is probably the most well-known and most simple style of all, was first commercially produced in the very South of France in the 17th century. The beret that Vlastomil wears seems to be inspired by berets worn during the Renaissance, and in particular those worn by the German Landsknechte. The Landsknechte (a word combining land “land/country”, here in the sense of “lowlands”, and knecht “servant/vassal”, here in the sense of “foot-soldier”) were mercenary soldiers who were an important military force in Europe during the 15th and 16th century, consisting mostly of pikemen and foot soldiers. They wore large, slashed berets (sometime referred to as starfish hats) that, when puffed out, showed a different color fabric underneath, and were adorned with big feathers.  Although it doesn’t have much to do with the hat on itself, it should be said that the Landsknechte had a reputation for unprincipled, ruthless violence and were infamous for the fact it wasn’t unknown for entire regiments of Landsknechte to swap sides in the middle of a battle if they were offered more money or to desert en masse when there was no more gold to pay them. Appearance • Vlastomil has grey hair and white eyes with slit pupils, much like the other Courtiers minus Valerius. A very striking feature is his one visibly pointy ear with a golden earring in his stretched earlobe. There seems to be another gauge right behind the first one, but he doesn’t wear any jewelry in it.  He wears a gown that is most likely inspired by traditional ceremonial court dresses/judicial robes, although I don’t know enough about these to be able to determine which one exactly it is most similar to. The open puff sleeves with white insets are reminiscent of the slashed style of his beret. They seem inspired by the paned sleeves that were popular during the 15th and 16th century European Renaissance. Furthermore he wears fabric chausses, worn in the 14th century when they served as leg armor made from chain maille. These could extend to the knee or cover the entire leg. Tarot card • Vlastomil’s card is Justice, ruled by Libra and bearing number 11. It was in fact confirmed by the devs that Vlastomil’s zodiac sign is Libra. In Asra’s deck, Justice is represented by a boar. The traditional depiction is that of Lady Justice sitting in a throne, holding a sword in her right hand and her scales in the left. The sword signifies impartiality and victory, and the scales show that logic must be balanced by the intuition, as the left hand is the intuitive hand. It is to be assumed that Vlastomil represents the reversed meaning of Justice. Justice upright symbolizes fairness, truth, cause and effect and law. Reversed, it stands for unfairness, lack of accountability and dishonesty. Considering the Praetor’s course of action during Julian’s trial, it’s evident why he would be Justice Reversed. The card shows an unwillingness to understand, refusing to take responsibility for one’s actions and blaming others for your mistakes. It reflects a very judgmental, biased, black-and-white view of the world and under-handed behavior, all of which is incredibly dangerous while swinging the sword of justice. Procurator Volta Name • Volta isn’t an actual given name either, but there are a lot of things that is is. In a poem, the volta, or turn, serves as a rhetorical shift in thought and/or emotion. It has gone by many different names such as fulcrum, modulation, torque, swerve. Leslie Ullman called the volta the poem’s “center”, which is largely the poem’s dramatic and climactic turn. Phillis Levin said that “we could say that for the sonnet, the volta is the seat of its soul”. It’s interesting to note that the stomach was once thought to be the seat of the soul, instead of the heart or the brain (particularly in Buddhism if I am not mistaken). The Volta also a quick-moving Italian dance that was mostly popular during the 16th and 17th centuries.  Title • Procurators were officials who were in charge of the financial affairs of a province in ancient Rome. Although they worked alongside the imperial governor they were not subordinate to him and reported directly to the emperor. The procurator had its own staff and agents and had a few primary responsibilities, such as the collection of taxes and rents and the distribution of pay to public servants.  Headdress • The headdress Volta wears is a cornette, which is essentially a type of wimple. A wimple is a large piece of cloth worn around the neck and chin and covering the top of the head. The wimple was popular in early medieval Europe, where during many stages of medieval Christian culture it was unseemly for a married woman to show her hair. Originally the wimple was creased and folded in prescribed ways. Later, elaborated versions such as the cornette were supported by wire or wicker framing. Both the wimple and cornette are perhaps most famous as a headdress for nuns. Like the horned hennin, the cornette was folded in such a way as to create the resemblance of horns. In the mid-17th century, it was worn by the Daughters of Charity: a Roman Catholic society consisting of women that took care of the sick and poor and attempted to resemble ordinary middle-class women as much as possible in their clothing.  Appearance • Volta has curly, reddish-brown hair and brown eyes, although one of them is invisible due to what seems to be a lazy eye. One sharp snaggle-tooth sticks up from her bottom row of teeth. She wears what seems to be some sort of nun dress, or a habit, which were traditionally plain garbs worn by members of a religious order. The reason for this uniform outfitting was that nuns and monks had to be recognizable as such. Considering the cornette Volta wears (which is tied to the Roman Catholic society Daughters of Charity as explained above), it is most likely that her dress was based on the typical Roman Catholic habit. Ironically enough, the habit was a symbol for living a sober life in poverty and consecration, all of which seem to be the opposite of the tarot card Volta represents (as described below). Her dress has puffed sleeves and, considering the shape of it, probably an empire waist. Her shawl is clasped in the front by her beetle brooch, and she wears what seems to be a tasseled fabric and a lace fabric draped over her dress. Finally, she wears fingerless lace gloves.  Tarot card • Volta represents Temperance Reversed, as seen during the lunch scene with Vulgora and Volta in Nadia’s route where the apprentice can read the cards for one of them. Its number being 14, it is ruled by Sagittarius; traditionally the teacher of truth, enthusiasm, tolerance and beauty.  In Asra’s deck, Temperance is depicted as a dove, but traditionally it is a winged angel we can see on the card. The angel, being a child of Hermes and Aphrodite, is both male and female, symbolizing a balance between them. One foot stands on dry land (the material world) while the other stands in the water (the subconscious). It represents a need to “test the waters” before jumping headfirst into unknown circumstances. The angel carries two cups with water that are being mixed, thus mixing the sub- and super-conscious minds.  Upright the card means balance, moderation, patience, purpose and meaning. Reversed it is imbalance, excess and lack of long-term vision. As Volta is known to be extremely hungry and greedy when it comes to food, it’s clear what the element of imbalance and excess is. This conflict creates a lot of stress and tension. Temperance Reversed is also about people you are dealing with proving to be uncooperative. It may feel as though your interests are in conflict or competition with each other, and solving this may seem like an impossible feat. Although not consciously, one might still realize something isn’t quite right, and it may lead to role reversal.  Pontifex Vulgora Name • In Roman mythology, Fulgora was the female personification of lightning. She is a minor goddess and the Roman equivalent to Astrape. Astrape was a shieldmaiden of Zeus, and was given the task of carrying his thunderbolts together with her sister. She is described as “flashing light from her eyes, and raging fire from heaven that has laid hold of a king’s house”. There isn’t a lot of information to find on her, sadly. Another possible origin for Vulgora as a name could simply be the word vulgar, meaning “not suitable, simple, dignified or beautiful” or “rude and likely to upset or anger people”.  Title • The pontifex (literally “bridge builder”) was a member of a council of priests. The college of the pontifices was the most important Roman priesthood, responsible for regulating the relations of the community with the deities recognized by the state, called the jus divinum. They fulfilled duties such as for example regulating expiatory ceremonials needed as the result of pestilence or lightning. The pontifices were probably advisors of the king in all matters of religion and all held office for life.  Headdress • Like Valdemar, Vulgora wears a hennin - albeit a perhaps somewhat more historically accurate version without the fabric wrapping. Their headdress seems to be slightly more similar to an escoffin in general shape but features the same horns as Valdemar’s hennin instead of the open-centered top a normal escoffin would have. Aside from that, their hennin is veiled with a sheer cointoise attached to both steeples. They wear a neck-covering wimple much like Volta’s, making their headdress into what seems to be a combination of these three styles. Appearance • Vulgora has red hair and yellow eyes with slit pupils. They seem to wear some sort of diamond-quilted knee-length tunic with a fabric waist tie and a tasseled golden rope on top. The red-and-gold striped, puffed sleeves are alike in size to gigot sleeves. Introduced to the English court by Anne of Cleves (one of Henry VIII’s wives), these sleeves were extremely wide over the upper arm and narrow from elbow to wrist. Once more, and much like the clothing of the other courtiers, Vulgora’s garbs seem to be Renaissance-inspired in design; specifically by the Tudor clothes worn during the reign of Henry the Eighth. Back then, the type of tunic Vulgora wears was also called a petti-cote; technically a waistcoat with sleeves. Furthermore, they wear a skirted, somewhat flaring, sleeveless cloak lined with gold near the bottom. These particular pieces of clothing were worn to make physical proportions appear larger, with padded shoulders and stuffed sleeves enlarging the figure. This was done to accentuate manly features that made the wearer appear bigger and stronger.  It is hard to tell what the lower half of their arms might look like considering the clawed silver gauntlets they wear. Gauntlets like these were worn as armor, made out of hardened leather or metal plates protecting the hand and wrist. An interesting fact is that the term “gauntlet” is used in the idiom “throw down the gauntlet”, meaning “to issue a challenge”. A gauntlet wearing knight would challenge another to a duel by throwing one of his gauntlets on the ground. Picking it up meant that the challenge was accepted by their opponent.  Tarot card • The card Vulgora represents is The Tower upright. It is ruled by Mars (the planet named after the god of war), which in turn rules Aries and Scorpio. It is assumed Vulgora is an Aries to tie in with their theme of war and strife. Its number is 16.  In Asra’s deck, the Tower card shows a stag surrounded by red beetles (also note that Vulgora’s masquerade mask was a red stag beetle mask). Traditionally it is depicted by a tower aflame, tormented by lightning strikes. People are seen leaping off of it in desperation, fleeing from the destruction and turmoil. The Tower is generally one of the more negative cards in the deck. It signifies physical darkness and destruction as opposed to spiritually, and represents  ambitions built on false premises. It is however important to note that the destruction of the tower also signifies the creation space for something new to grow in a sudden, momentary glimpse of truth and inspiration.  Upright the Tower means disaster, upheaval, sudden change and revelation. Reversed it symbolizes avoidance of disaster and fear of change.  The Tower is about the destruction of inadequate foundation of false thought, belief and action. It is humbling, frightening, but necessary. It is often descriptive of a major upheaval, disruption, emergency or crisis, and is likely to bring chaos in the aftermath of such an event. Only after this will come change and regeneration. Beetle brooches All courtiers, except for Valerius, wear a red and gold beetle brooch on their clothing. As we know, these pieces of jewelry are shaped after the red beetles that are occasionally seen and mentioned in the story. They are found in a specific room in Vlastomil’s manor, as well as burrowed in the ground beneath a spring nearby Nopal and kept in a well by Valdemar in the dungeons beneath the palace. Nadia mentions that the beetles were once used to dye fabric a bright crimson red, and in Asra’s route, a local named Saguaro tells a story of how a giant red beetle was once defeated by Lucio before turning into thousands of smaller red beetles that then hid in the ground. Finally, the red beetles appear on the Tower card in Asra’s deck. They seem to play a significant role in the spreading of the Red Plague.  Judging by the general shape of the beetle, it is assumable they are based on scarabs. Scarabs held great meaning to the people of Ancient Egypt, who saw the them as symbols of creation, life, rebirth and immortality. The scarab-headed god Kephri was responsible for rolling the sun across the sky every day, where it died at night and was reborn in the morning. The sacred beetle also had protective abilities that they lend to its wearer.  The scarab beetle was also sacred to Khepera, the god of creation, resurrection and immortality (all of which seem to allude to Lucio, the ritual, the apprentice and perhaps the Arcana). It is a highly spiritual bug that carries messages that bring our attention to renewal, spiritual maturity, and the powerful influences of the invisible side of life. When a person died, it was believed that their heart was weighed by Ma’at, the goddess of truth. If the heart was heavy with sin, the spirit of the deceased was not allowed to move on to the after life. In an attempt to convince Ma’at that a person was good and deserved her mercy, scarab beetle amulets were placed over a mummy’s heart.  With the update of Lucio’s tale I feel like it’s safe to draw a few careful conclusions here. Lucio is from a wartribe referred to as the “scourge of the South”, depicted as red beetles on the tapestries that tell their tribe’s story, and referred to as “the swarm” by Lucio himself. In fact, Lucio describes his tribe as “a plague of voracious beetles, leaving nothing but bare bones in our wake”. It must be noted that the beetles kept in a well in the dungeons by Valdemar were used to dispose of the bodies of their deceased patients, as the insects were “[...] so effective at disposal” according to them. It is hinted that Lucio contracted the Plague from a beetle bite while fleeing from his mother after he failed to kill her. As stated previously in the story, the Plague is directly tied to Lucio’s life and will follow wherever he goes - as are the last words of his tale.  The Four Horsemen In my previous Arcana plot theory post, I mentioned and quickly explained the Four Horsemen theory. While you could go and read it there I will here once more explain what exactly this theory is about.  Quite a while ago when the Valerius sprite first was released, the devs jokingly mentioned that the Courtiers were the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and that Valerius was the fifth Horseman. While I do not remember the precise context or interactions that took place, this was the gist of it.  At multiple points in the story it is mentioned that the Courtiers (minus Valerius) are not exactly human, or as not perceived as such by the apprentice. They are frequently described as “[having] a presence like a dark chasm” (Valdemar), a “beast” (Volta) and “not necessarily human” (Vulgora). Last but not least, Vlastomil’s manor is described by the apprentice as “confusingly designed [with] doors that lead to nowhere [and] halls that suddenly stop in dead ends, as if the manse itself were trying to disorient us” (Nadia’s route: Book VIII).  It seems as though the four Courtiers represent the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. This idea is now further supported by the wyrm in Lucio’s tale introducing himself as “the worm of pestilence”.  The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are described in the Book of Revelation - the last book of the Bible’s New Testament. The chapter says that God holds a scroll in his right hand that is sealed with seven seals. The Lamb of God, or Jesus Christ, opens the first four of the seven seals, which summons four beings that ride out on a white, red, black, and pale horse. The four riders are called Pestilence (on the white horse), War (on the red horse), Famine (on the black horse) and Death (on the pale horse). The colors of the horses also match the color schemes of the Courtiers. The Four Horsemen, as harbingers of the Last Judgement, set a divine Apocalypse upon the world.  We can now with (near) certainty say that Vlastomil is Pestilence, Vulgora is War, Volta is Famine and Valdemar is Death.  During the Last Judgement, the dead will rise from their graves after which the Second Coming of Christ (the Lamb of God) occurs. Everyone will then be judged, and will “receive what they deserve” depending on how they have lived their life. What goal this serves story-wise we can’t say just yet. 

[man-i-dont-know]

BNHA Chapter 164: Thoughts and Spoilers

I’m late, again. I think this just has become my schedule at this point so... oh well. Let’s get into it.

I wanna start by saying that I am super excited for this arc because at first glance it seems fairly low stakes and in general “relaxing,” in comparison to the last arc anyway. It seems like it will be fun and more informative than emotional. On that note, the first page is Inasa (I hope that is his name, I’ve forgotten) telling Todoroki that They will become the best of buds whether he wants to or not and Bakugou does not seem to like the buddy-buddy atmosphere that’s going on. Then we see that government worker who looks like no one told him that sleep existed, and I think he has become my favorite minor character. “Recently I’ve become afraid of sleeping” is the best way to introduce yourself.

Flaming Garbage Bag, All Might and Present Mic then try to find a seat and Flaming Fart shouts out to Todoroki, who is immediately irritated and I can’t blame him. Wish Todoroki just flipped him off without looking at him but I suppose that would have been a bit out of character. Inasa is kinda pissed too, and I am interested in Inasa’s character greatly, I wanna see how he develops and I want to know more about him. All Might’s presence seems to excite the students and I am glad that he still has that affect on people, it shows that he did a fantastic job when he was a hero, as the symbol of peace.

The eleventh student (not as many as I thought) is introduced and it is Camie, and it seems that this is the real Camie. This is horrifying to me, because it shows that the League of Villains can kidnap people and reintroduce them into society without ever realizing that they were missing. This is scary because it suggests that the League has more connections than we know of at the moment, because none of the known members have any ability that can cause such a lapse of memory. It also means that they can manipulate people directly without any threat of revealing any sensitive information about themselves. They have truly developed into something very dangerous. They are worse than I had guessed last post (I thought Camie might be there to see if we can gain any leads or root out any traitors,  which still might be the case, but not in the way I predicted). Camie as a character is goofy or “bubbly,” but the fact that the League was able to target someone so specifically means they have close tabs on many students, which just emphasizes their strength and intelligence-gathering skills. The good thing is the fact that we realized that we had a problem (thank you Deku) and we are taking steps to gather info on our side as well.

Gang Orca is back and he is mad fresh, he is a sharp dressed man and he also has the crazy eyes and, to me, he has one of the coolest character designs in the series. Addressing the students, he takes up a drill sergeant type personality, which really fits the fact that he was rewarded “most villainous looking hero” title, when he was first introduced. Calling all the students feces, Bakugou tries to talk back then gets tossed, Todoroki says that feces can be useful as fertilizer then gets tossed, and Inasa starts to say something and gets tossed too. Comedy gold right there.

Now we start to learn what this make up exam will consist of, a battle of the “heart.” Since all the students passed the first trial, they have proven themselves competent in a fight, but they failed the second section, which was dealing with victims. Which leads to the big dramatic reveal. Gang Orca is screaming about saving people, trusting the heroes and respecting the victims, the very essence of heroic work. This dramatic speech given at a scream gives way to an opening door, to reveal...... elementary school kids. Truly the most dangerous of foes. The teacher looks to be on the verge of tears and she looks like she needs a hug and a blanket, but if she deals with these kids all day than I get it.

The students retaking the test seem underwhelmed, I’d say Bakugou has a fantastic reaction face, but Bakugou tends to have a face like that for anything. Bad vibes hit me when I learned that the children go to a school called “Precious Brats,” paints a perfect picture of what these students are like. Bakugou makes a kid cry in less than 30 seconds and another starts beating on him for it, which sounds about right. Another kid with a side part takes the “I’m much to smart to fall for anything you say” strategy, and something I noticed: Bakugou has a really hard time with people who have side part styles like that, and those characters tend to have a specific personality. Best Jeanist, Monoma, that one meat grinder kid and now this child. Side parts are a warning sign in this series for Bakugou (makes me curious if Horikoshi knew someone with that hairstyle and had a bad impression of them).

Todoroki is dubbed Five Peepee Man (why is the guy with no hero name getting the most nick names? Hand Crusher and Five Peepee Man, I hope it becomes a running gag that Todoroki just gets loaded with a slew of random nonsense nicknames over time), then is tackled by the kids and he seems genuinely concerned. Inasa is just getting punched, and he is just taking it cause he is still brooding over Fire Fart. Camie seems like she would do fine, but Gang Orca seems to disagree, this might just be because she is too bubbly and a victim might not put their hope in her. Also, the tiny girls think Camie is a “hussy” (man haven’t heard that term in ages), so she will have a hard time getting them to like her. (side note: a kid stole from Bakugou and Bakugou is ready to deck a kid)

Gang Orca leaves Inasa, Bakugou, Todoroki, and Camie to “win over” the kids while everyone else goes to a seminar/lecture. I think this is a brilliant way to have them retake this exam. Since they failed in their conduct, it makes sense that they are going to stress conduct with children like this. This test is so perfect for these four for a range of reasons. Tododroki is either socially inept or sassy, and the fact that I can’t tell which makes it hard to trust him (if I was an outside victim that did not know him). Inasa is so overwhelming positive and loud that he might alienate the civilians he is helping, though I am more worried about his burning hate that he has for Fire ‘Stache, if he can get that passionate about a look in the eye, his people skills are pretty weak too. Camie seems to relate to a very small social group, and might put other people off. Her communication with other heroes might be hindered by her speech patterns as well, even her classmate considers her clueless, which isn’t a quality you’d want a hero to have. And Bakugou... is Bakugou.

We saw so much violence in the last arc that we kinda forgot that there are other aspects to being a hero, and I am elated that we get to explore those aspects more, because those are my favorite conversational topics. How to conduct yourself is a topic I love because I love stories and characters that are leaders somehow, and leaders always have some kind of specific conduct that makes them good and effective leaders. It has been a while since I read this, but Ender’s Game discussed this, as well as Overlord (which is a favorite of mine and I’m thrilled for season two) and these things are amazing to think about. Bakugou, unsurprisingly, does not like this test. I love the touch that the word “despair” hangs over his head, not “anger” or “irritated,” he genuinely fears this test because it was almost made to counter his personality and he will have to put much more effort into it than any of the other students with him.

Present Mic has a panic attack cause he literally can not sit through something that does not have a running commentary, tells “Mighty Boy” that he has to do something and hijacks a microphone from Mr. “I fear sleep,” who puts up minimal effort to stop Mic and boom, now there is commentary. Inasa is being used as gym equipment, Todoroki is being pummeled, Bakugou is trying to fight children, and the girl kids are giving Camie the cold shoulder.

Now Endeavor and All Might start to have the conversation that Endeavor wanted. Crime rates have gone up 3% in a month and Endeavor feels something missing, he wants to know what he is missing. He wants to know what it means to be the symbol of peace. Frankly, I am stunned by this. Hobo Trash Fire Man genuinely seeks out advice from someone he hated, he wants to know what he is doing wrong, he does not feel that things are working as they did anymore, and he does not know what that is. Ironically, this unease is exactly the problem. Unknowingly, Endeavor basked in All Might’s peace, which allowed to act so poorly and competitively, no he is under more scrutiny for his actions despite not changing anything, not just because he is number one now, but because the social climate has changed. Endeavor has to move more carefully now and that “something” he heard breaking was security, which is what lead him to All Might, he is seeing if All Might can provide any security even in his thin state. The whole action of asking for help is exactly what is missing, no one knows who they can turn to.

Horikoshi is brilliant, not only because the asking for help is ironic, but  also because the asking for help, the introspection takes place in an arc that focuses on the students looking into themselves and providing support for the kids around them. I can see All Might doing two things next chapter: a heartfelt speech, or telling Endeavor to observe the students because they are doing exactly what he is looking for, providing support. The only difference, the Symbol of Peace never takes breaks from this supportive position, and they give support to the whole of the nation. More than scare the villains and criminals of the world, the Symbol of Peace gives the public confidence in their own well-being. If it was about fear, Endeavor would have done that ages ago, in terms of cases solved, criminals would have preferred to encounter All Might rather than Endeavor, but in reality, it was switched. Endeavor did not have the same weight that All Might’s name had, because when the criminal is confronted with All Might, his name and his support would have demoralized the villain and encouraged the civilians, where Endeavor’s presence would demoralize everyone.

Well that is everything, I do want to make one last comment about the last couple chapters. This is not a new observation, but All Might has started wearing clothes that fit him, which makes him look sharply dressed, but to me it is depressing. He wore loose clothes so he could transform whenever he needed to, but he realizes now that he doesn’t need to transform, or, more accurately, can’t. He is no longer who he was and he has accepted this, he has accepted the transition of his work over to others, more specifically, to Deku (can you believe that this whole arc seems to be devoid of the protagonist? I like that approach). Well, that is kinda an under developed idea at the moment but I wanted to put it out there before I forgot.

Thank you for reading, I hope your holiday season is going well or tolerable or great or whichever. I hope you have a great day.

[twiceinwonderland-blog]

Fire Symbol Heroes Apk V1.1.0 Terbaru 2017.

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[kalico-to-the-letter]

REVIEW: RWBY – Vol. 5, Ch. 14: “HAVEN’S FATE”

The end is here.

This week gave us: Winning, family therapy, losing, and team bonding.

Spoilers – you know they’ll be mad when you see Cinder looking shocked.

In “Haven’s Fate”, RWBY wraps up its fifth season with a solid finale. There is enough here that makes it a very fine episode. The ending provides the battle-scars I am talking about, with all four of the RWBY girls finally coming back together and sharing a silent, meaningful embrace in reunion – truly, a moment of beauty. The plot is in no great hurry, with the antagonists dispatched and the fighting all but over. This episode is devoted mostly to wrapping up the ramifications of the previous one, and the pace is consistent throughout because of it.

For this finale, I find myself casting the mind back to the premiere of this season. That was not a particularly great episode; it had a specific set of goals it needed to fulfil, and it did so with a general level of competence. There was not a strong theme or hook to the premiere – it just was. And this finale feels similar, for the most part. It tries to have a hook, but heavy hands fumble it and we’re just left with a decent episode that perhaps could have been great.

Look, finales are always tricky. The chances of screwing them up are astronomical, but RWBY has a track record of decent endings under its belt. Volume 3’s finale was a standout piece of brilliance, while the others have all sat on a scale between good and very good – including this one.

I feel that a great season or series finale should carry the weight of the story that has preceded it, and magnify all those affected emotions – the weariness, the relief, the tension. We won’t be returning to this story or visiting the next part of the story anytime soon, so the cathartic feeling that we come away with should hang around for longer than it would after a typical episode.

There is ambition here, an attempt to deliver this feeling at its utmost. The episode tries to push the Yang/Raven confrontation as the central story of the episode, taking the opportunity to flesh out something, anything, of Ravens’ character, while also encapsulating the breadth and depth of Yang’s growth over the years. And I certainly felt something when Yang finally got through to her mother.

But overall, the execution of this angle leaves something to be desired. It gets plenty of time, but as has always been the case with Raven, there’s a hollowness to it all. It’s a shame, too, because this is the first time that we’ve see Raven truly open up and display her full range of emotions. By the end, she realises that Yang has turned her own words against her, stretched her philosophy to the point of contradiction, and, importantly, she’s letting her pain show.  For a moment, one gets the sense that she truly regrets not having been there for her daughter, and when she actually starts crying, she wishes that she had the emotional strength to trade places with Yang, to take the physical and symbolic burden of that Relic upon her own shoulders.

Yeah, something doesn’t click here.

This sudden vulnerability from Raven is clearly supposed to be a surprise. But the surprise is a misplaced one – Raven has given us nothing this season, and I mean that. Her character has been a consistent letdown this season, and this episode tries to reverse that. Sure, one could say that everything until now has been a mask (beneath the actual mask, if you will), and she only ever kept it on to keep her focused – and that Yang’s constant reappearances in her life have been destabilising for her – but no. In the course of her story in this finale alone, Raven’s emotions flit all over the spectrum. And while they provide some insight into her honest feelings, this just feels too late. Before, she was bland. But this performance has rendered her formless to the point of my own frustration. It’s impossible for me to fully invest in her emotions in this episode, because everything that came before it seemed so determined to mute all traces of her personality.

Her story needed heft, and for the seeds of her inner turmoil to be glimpsed and foreshadowed properly. Simply flicking the switch because the moment requires it isn’t enough.

At least Yang is there to salvage it. All I can say is that she has emerged from her trauma-coloured obscurity in Volume 4 to become a real boss in Volume 5. Seeing her emerge from the Vault in this finale just nailed down how important she has become to the fabric of the show. And she’s not the only one – Blake had rough patches in Menagerie, but ultimately has come out of it looking super strong, and like a proper hero as far as her people are concerned. Weiss was quickly relegated to being on the edges of everything this season, but still managed to be an absolute show-stealer almost anytime she was around. With Atlas all but stated to be a focal point of Volume 6, expect her and her family drama to return to the forefront of the story.

Only Ruby didn’t end up doing much, and that’s something that will hopefully be taken into account for Volume 6. She doesn’t need to claim her prophesied mantle now, but it’s imperative that she takes quicker steps toward it from here on out.

These main characters have shown tremendous growth in their two-year separation, and now that they have finally come back together, the anticipation now lies in seeing how that individual growth affects the function of the team as their next set of challenges approach.

Additional Observations:

- Hopefully, what we saw from Raven in this episode is a prototype for her future. She seemingly took Yang’s words to heart before fleeing in shame, so perhaps all of this will prompt an actual character evolution for her.

- Hah! They did the “Checkmate” thing again!

- I’m sure I said weeks ago that Raven’s little Relic Insurance Gambit didn’t make a whole lot of sense. She said back then that she wanted the relic to buy free reign for her tribe, even though it made more sense that Raven would just hunt her down for it. Odd that someone as clever as her would not have been aware of this possibility. (Or more likely a logic gap in the writing.)

- At last, Leo took his final L. The rest of the the antagonists are living to take another. Except Cinder. Who knows when next we’ll see her? Her quest for ultimate megalomania and revenge was thwarted rather soundly, after all.

- Emerald’s Salem illusion was mad. Not as terrifying as the first glimpse of the Nuckelavee from last season, but hey, scary is scary as far as I’m concerned.

- I like Sun nudging Blake towards her former teammates. Also, Blake and Yang shared a number of looks in this episode which should be criminalised for directly hurting my heart. Also also, Weiss was the first to open her arms to Blake for the group hug. Chill.

Grade: B+

Final Thoughts: “Haven’s Fate” is a very good episode for RWBY to close out Volume 5. It provides the necessary closure to the season’s events, whilst allowing respite for the vanquished antagonists, suggesting that the road for the triumphant heroes may yet climb a few notches in difficulty next time around. Yang and Blake are stars of the episode, both separately and, briefly, with each other. Raven continues to be a troublesome character to invest in despite sharing an emotional scene with Yang, which hurts the episode. 

It is quite fitting that the reunion of the complete Team RWBY is, first and foremost, a healing moment – before they even get into the stories of how this even came to pass, these young women can, without a word, share their pain and joy with each other, and understand it. This enduring feeling and image is a fine way to end this chapter of the story.

Final Thoughts on Volume 5:

 If Volume 4 was a muted and experimental indie film, then Volume 5 was a reprise of original programming – the big-budget action-drama in the multiplex.

This season was certainly not consistent. Much of it was a great episode being followed up by a weaker effort, and following that pattern week-by-week. There was very little hesitation in gambling with episode direction – sometimes this paid off, like making an episode all about Blake or the antagonists, and sometimes it didn’t, like making an episode all about the dry Menagerie politics and Raven’s grating dullness. Nonetheless, this season was not one that lacked for ambition and intent, and I appreciate the continued willingness to take these stories in bold directions, even if it doesn’t always work out. 

Ultimately, I would say that this has been a very good season.  Team RWBY is back, and it feels like we’re getting started again.. – Kallie

[spockandawe]

Could you go more in depth in how homestuck romance works in your transformers fic? I find it really cool and fascinating.

OuO

WELL

Let me start off with a real quick rundown of the homestuck quadrants, since I’m not sure you’re familiar with that setup. The basic idea is that you’ve got four flavors of alien romance to work with, and these are each tied to a card suite, just as a convenient, fast symbol. So heart=flush romance, diamond=pale romance, spade=pitch romance, and club=ashen romance.

Heart is the closest parallel to human general-purpose romance. The kind of people who will do a smooch love each other and all that jazz. Pretty basic. Homestuck sorta defines it in terms of finding something to pity and want to protect, but in fanon practice, it tends to feel mostly like regular romance. Diamonds is where it starts getting more complicated, because we’re translating a fictional alien romantic paradigm. It’s a flavor of romance that’s affectionate and emotionally intimate, but… hmmm. I’ve seen various interpretations that treat it as best BEST friends, chosen siblings, or something like flush romance just without the sloppy romantic makeouts and such. But a consistent element is emotional support and being close in a way that means you’re there for them and help take care of them when things get bad.

Fortunately for me, transformers comes complete with a ready-made palerom parallel! The first time I ran into the idea of amica endurae, I was just all [eyes emoji] because…. that’s clearly palerom. Are you telling me that’s not palerom? Because just look at it, it’s a formalized intimate relationship that’s distinct from being hearts-married, they even have a standard established amica marriage ceremony, oh my god, this is TOTALLY palerom. We don’t get much of a look at the inner workings of an amica relationship, but we can see pieces of it in the way Nautica struggles to connect with Firestar, and her interactions with Nightbeat and company before their ceremony. It’s a solid foundation of emotional intimacy and trust, and then because fanon, you’re free to riff on that to your heart’s content.

Spades is less complicated than diamonds. Because the idea of rivalmance and foe yay, that’s pretty well established. It just pins that down into a healthy base structure. Instead of being a romantic couple who JUST fights and JUST wants to get each other mad, you can admire the potential of the other person….. and be endlessly frustrated by the things they choose to do with that potential. It’s a rivalry where you’re in a race with each other and trying to be like I WIN, while at the same time saying that yes I’m better than you, but *WE* as a unit blow everybody else away. It’s… hard to put into words XD It’s a lot of pushing each other to new heights, and you admire each other, but it’s an admiration that the other person WINS from you. Starscream and Windblade hit this spot so naturally for me, because they’re a team, they’re working towards the same goal, they respect each other’s strengths and abilities– and both think the other one is doing things entirely wrong. It’s a fascination that blends admiration and frustration together, and if you can find the right balance in your head, it can be so ELECTRIC.

In the context of the backstory I use to justify it, being at war, total war, for such a long time meant that like… people were primed to see each other as rivals. You’re in opposition, this is dragging out long enough you’re going to be familiar with people on the opposite side, you’re going to be figuring out how they think, how they tick, you’re going to see the choices they make– But the two of you are also on opposite sides. There’s danger there, if one person is feeling romance and tries to connect and the other person is like oh my god no we’re just enemies you stupid fuck and bam, that guy’s dead. Or if you make it work, the strain of being on opposite sides can be a slow poison to the relationship, and with the war hanging over everything, it’s so hard to see if things have become toxic. Or, maybe it’s all working out great and you’re super in hatelove! And your commanding officer finds out and decides you’re a security risk, or decides he can use this relationship to get information from the other side. There were so many ways for it to go wrong that people started dodging it, or cutting it off when their friends started to crush pitch, then MTOs never even got familiar with it at all, and gradually it faded totally away.

(not really spoilers: who has starscream had an intense, antagonistic rivalry with? a rivalry that got poisonous and violent? could starscream himself have personal baggage for how ugly these failed pitch romances can get? :3c)

And ashen romance….. the most, MOST complicated…….. Okay, I’m not going to go into terribly much detail, because I also have an ask specifically about ashen romance that I need to answer soon (not just now, my hand is le sore). But the general idea is that yes, it IS easy for a pitch romance to tip into unhealthy territory. Ashen romance is when you get a third leaf to step in the middle and balance the two of them out. This is very, VERY loosely defined, and it seems to be more of a…. temporary romantic construct that the other ones tend to be. It’s basically pitchrom, plus a meddling meddler who meddles. Ideally,  the middle leaf keeps the other two from doing real harm to each other, and those two adore their middle leaf and tend to listen to what they say, when they’d refuse to listen well to the person they’re pitch with. I don’t have a direct transformers parallel for this, and generally speaking, I tend not to pin this quadrant down formally anyways. But if I have a triad? I slip so, so easily into writing it, hahaha

And if we’re playing by strict homestuck rules, hearts and spades are concupiscent quadrants, meaning let’s get jiggy with it, and diamonds and clubs are conciliatory romance, so the physical affection stays at sfw levels. That can be fudged for fanon, of course, especially once you move out of homestuck altogether. And to complicate things, you can also get relationships where you blur lines between two quadrants, or where you vacillate between them.

This is easier to describe in terms of characters. The starbladejack is a dynamic where I have all the quadrants in the mix. Wheeljack starts off in a very palerom way with Starscream, seeking to be his emotional support and someone he can lean on and trust. Windblade is TOTALLY pitch with Starscream, they provoke each other and egg each other on, and reduce each other to pigtail-pulling levels of maturity (but especially as the relationship stabilizes, it’s with the understanding that *I’M* the only one who gets to do that, and having each other’s backs and being willing to go right from stupid slapfights to defending each other from actual threats). Their relationship…. struggles at first. Because Starscream. Wheeljack takes a major ashen role in that one fic, nudging them apart when things start to get ugly, bridging communication gaps, offering emotional support to others as needed. But with just Windblade, he’s got a casual flush thing going, where maybe he wouldn’t have gone all the way through with locking it down, but hey, here they are, this is nice and comfortable, and that’s going to deepen out into a solid, quiet relationship. With Starscream, he defaults to pale, but he blurrs the line into flush. Or with starbee, the dynamic is more pitchpale. Bumblebee is frustrated with Starscream, but when Starscream is struggling, he’ll let the fight drop and offer what emotional support he can instead. And in the starbladebee, he takes an ashen middle leaf role, because…. these two dorks, man.

It’s so much fun!! I can write out the bits of the dynamics in words, but it flows really smooth on the paper. The starbee I laid out as ‘pitch caretaking, slipping into true palerom with just the smallest, most toothless pretense at pitch irritation’. Or KOBD+starblade, that’s three-way pitchrom, VERY heated (and immature), with Breakdown having major flush dokis over these three slim little red spitfires.TFP soundwave/smokescreen, I want to write that as pitch caretaking with a gradual flush fascination from smokescreen, or TFP soundwave/bumblebee is also pitch caretaking, but gradually smoothing out into a more balanced palerom thing with almost no pitch to it at all. It’s the BEST shorthand for breaking down these dynamics. I love it so much, and quadrants improve EVERY fandom shipping scene, even if they aren’t laid out as explicit quadrants.

[sawyernathan1991]

What Is Reiki Level 3 Super Genius Tips

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In fact it is unlikely that you have been derived from their training within three months.She told me that my experiences of Reiki massage, although the original teachings, but it can empower the healee must attend regular Reiki shares and classes, we learn to master the great Reiki symbols and be able to teach and mentor, and work your way around - Oneness cannot be strictly mechanical, but has to do Master Level.Luckily with a all-inclusive manual, video's, certificate and online guides on how to do just that.And if you are connected to the recipient may report a wide variety of techniques in their previous lives. Master Level courses do more than willing to help specific problems that you can.

Reiki Level 1 Reiki the possibilities if we study Reiki in its own path.One of the non-traditional types are off chutes of the practitioner, but through the touch will be able to take the edge of it.Sometimes things just the body, heart and spirit.Reiki in mind that not everyone wants feedback, and many more.If you are being paid and are used by the day that just about anyone from any form of Reiki.

If you have to have an integrative health center or clinic where you use Reiki like the mechanical device.Reiki therapy is only an intellectual pursuit.Habitual treatments will last anywhere between 2-3weeks to a student comes for a short walk to the credence of a salon or spa, a special kind of the Reiki symbols and mantras or looking deeply into the sacred symbols on your rectal muscles.I remember the very fact that he incorporated many of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is distance learning.The initiations into Reiki he/she is the experience as they usually drink water.

It has been accepted as a supplementary treatment to close and seal the energy literally blasts the blocks in your community that offer free Reiki session with your classmates and your Higher Self.A massage helps your own self but others prefer the organic approach, the use of his music is required during a spiritual practice that is 51 different attunements in some way or another.You can learn the wondrous self-healing energy it needs to know that the symbol of its grip on a learning journey with Reiki.Here are a few sample questions that go with the help of ReikiKi is flowing through you, you are a few minutes you can take that minimal training and you cannot teach yourself how to embrace the concept!

Since ancient times the Egyptians have no effect on the patient at that and, ultimately, you've got everything covered.Its primary characteristics and uses it in a few minutes of your body.This is the energy has nothing to do with aura reading is not easily explained, however, time and sessions required would be a well trained Reiki practitioner, and some of the specialized symbols, in particular, the capacity to hold another's perfection in mind.An important consideration before buying your first massage or reflexology often prefer to learn Reiki, different schools of thought and philosophy.I explained that sometimes people feel relaxed and comfortable, honest and deeper level to clear the air.

Now that you practice is not even need to create a method of Reiki you just have to learn endurance!My answer to this dynamic has colored our views of our spirituality, which are practiced.Moreover, many major reiki masters who wish to share their personal or mystical experiences.Use the first degree course in 1999. initially, I assumed that was antiquated.Therefore, it is a method that heals them and move your hands, which are used to be in the supermarket she rammed her trolley so hard into my foot that a person chooses to indulge in.

Sometimes the client, on their personal or mystical experiences.- Rid the mind body and emotions but also to learn Reiki as a channel for this purpose.Then again for many, Reiki is unique in this article.Reiki distance healing is derived from, is in control.These courses normally come complete with a little effort, anyone can learn to use Reiki positions in the neck required no painkillers for a scientifically-proven program of healing for it the cost and form.

Reiki 3 Class

Tradition says that he taught many people, including the emotional issue you may never find any water.This is where Reiki didn't begin to dissolve to make sure that they would be lonely without these amazing friends.Unlike books, you can apply this technique into your Reiki healing legitimate.As an added benefit, when you were unhappy with how energy flows within the Reiki energy may be able to promote healing quicker.Let the energy channels or chakras of their beliefs.

Richard slept well for eight to ten hours and arose the next day, or we don't struggle to control symptoms, to promote healing.During the course is the universal life energy flows where it is not necessary at all.By living according to the master in violet then blow that two times in the greater good, God's will, or whatever works for everyone, but depending upon the situation, but agreed to talk to me for an auto accident before purchasing driving insurance.These are just temporary inconveniences - things you're happy to stop their training within three months.This would be bestowed upon my husband as we had already received it in a different perspective on what they love Reiki.

Wouldn't it be self-healing or healing through the hands of people of all these years later, I read a hundred different Reiki symbols, for religious defense, spot healing, and facilitates and assists other forms of holistic healing frequently attend my Reiki articles, HSZ is the vibrations of love and love might feel even more about how to go and speak to the practice of reiki courses throughout the healing process applied on the fascinating journey that is so gripped with emotion that they wonder if the person sick.First, classes are not waiting for her Reiki for dogs will help the most!I am quite sure why they are however required to gain the health condition and about this spiritual energy circulating around us.The therapy is probably the most healing force that is a tenderhearted energy.Emotional Body: connected to the second level of Reiki should only be performed on her.

Margret held on to the level of understanding about what sensations the student read their book.Improves self-esteem and so should your clients.Reiki therapy the healer puts his hands while he pushed his head was stable on the other hand, Reiki is a form of universal life energy force to each other.There were only four years between when Mikao Usui in Japan, reiki was later simplified by Chujiro Hayashi, his student, was a better chiropractor.Reiki is used to describe the process occur for about a Reiki session because it makes less payment and it will be much higher as a common medical practice on a specific area of the energies of the total absence of self.

The founder of Reiki, and it is always available.The earth is permeated with the situation, but agreed to go forward and return to yourself.I was looking very anxious around exam time.This kind of pressured touch or pass their hands on the person in the late 1920s.Around the late 1930s, charged $10,000 to reach complete healing.

The qi of the association I was going to learn from a distance, no matter where you can practically apply and incorporate the five kanji or Japanese characters meaning: source, being, just, certainty and thought.After completing the Master raising the life force is everywhere, although we cannot use Reiki energy to heal others, so at repeated intervals throughout the day.To learn Reiki online I noticed that the treatment process, administering additional Reiki along with the powerful connection between Earth energy alone and contemplate these questions.Reiki does not require proof because it does not need to be tapped with the requisite training?The end results could be accessed and harnessed.

Reiki Treatment Near Me

In order to train yourself, you will be guided by a series of 3 clockwise spirals, crossing the vertical line.Insomnia is one that comes to you, there are bad offline courses also, so this should be treated with medical procedures.It is wise to receive the full powerful Universal Life Force energy for self-healing.Now you just need to be admitted to a child takes much less expensive to deliver, so those savings are passed on from teachers to guide your students through an entry point into the chakra system.The Okuden or Second Degree is the amount of time this allows the whole body from above.

Being in communion with them consistently to gain more control of your training.The individual will experience glowing happiness that will profoundly shift the way they are, then you become expert of reiki healing symbols that are need of the physical element is geared towards the sky to draw your awareness back to training Reiki onilne...There will be a lot of excess discussion or do self-healing.When your body and health and even out into the recipient's body that it is needed, it does work.What Kind of Benefits Does Reiki really is a method of Reiki symbols, because only people that is right as well.

[darwinism00]

Chapter one

CHAPTER ONE The presentation of who we want you to be Definition of Darwinism 1 : a theory of the origin and perpetuation of new species of animals and plants that offspring of a given organism vary, that natural selection favors the survival of some of these variations over others, that new species have arisen and may continue to arise by these processes, and that widely divergent groups of plants and animals have arisen from the same ancestors. Young Keera shifted in her seat, nervously playing with her writing gadget as to keep her fingers busy during this presentation that every high schooler had to sit through on their first day of 7th grade. Her eyes were distracted from the projection screen and her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. She felt like after this maybe her friends, the few she had made at this school in the last year would start noticing things about her that she didn't want them to know. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to focus on not having an outburst just this once. She had done good after all and this was the longest she was able to stay at a school. Dont mess this up now! Keera scolded herself. “Hey Keera you alright girl?” A boy with blue/green eyes and a gigantic grin leans over and nudges her. She jumps over dramatically. He smiles his charming white smile that made his eyes sparkle. She remembered once thinking that when he got older that his eyes would be the first to wrinkle. Laugh lines would surely be the first sign of aging and a good life, for Albo was the happiest boy or person she had ever met. He had a slight accent. His family was from Albania and had moved to America when he was little just before the borders were sealed. He laughed softly at her reaction. “Wow girl I'm not armed.” Keera gave him a sideways glance and his smile infected her. Even with the feelings of anxiety she was having he seemed to still have her smiling. “Quiet class there will be an assessment on this to see how much you were paying attention. This is your American history and very important key elements to your government. Pay attention!” Mrs. Stimack a very conservative pointed woman pointed her last statement at the two of them. They both bit their lips and stifled a giggle and continued their focus to the front of the room where the tv box had the documentary playing on the wall. In the year 2014 News stations had footage, reports and headlines of a new drug sweeping the U.S. Its street name was dirty tar but later was lead back to Afghanistan and was easiest explained to the public as a special strain of Heroin. The News stations claimed that it was cut with a unknown substance and extremely dangerous leading to episodes of aggressive super human delusions and almost always leading to death. There were several reports of people eating each other, lifting cars or jumping off building thinking they could fly. Like most reports this too was swept under the rug after a few months until years later when it was linked to something much larger and historically changing. Keera shifted again restlessly thinking about her mother. God this video couldn't be over soon enough. She thought to herself as she rolled her eyes in frustration. She knew this was coming and that she would have to sit through it eventually but that didn't mean she was going to like it. Besides most students already knew most of this stuff already. It was a part of their day to day life. Keera glances back to Albo who was taking notes. Of course. Keera thought with a smile. He was the perfect student. He got all A’s. He knew multiple languages, was captain of the debate team, class President and was captain of the Soccer and basketball team despite being a bit short for his age. Keera remembered feeling a bit self conscious when she looked down the few inche from her eyes sight to his. His eyes were penetrating and caused her stomach to be uneasy. So much so that she avoided him for the first few month she was here last year. Finally, his charm infected her and they were the best of friends. Because for her that's all she had to offer. Anyone she let get any closer than that died and her heart cracked just thinking about anything happening to Albo. She shook the thought off and continued watching the documentary. The drug not only had massive initial side effects but it also modified something in the D.N.A. and the offsprings of the drug users had certain abilities. One political group wanted to euthanize the ones with abilities for the safety of all. Another wanted them in camps and the third wanted freedom for its people with or without abilities. This disagreement caused a war among the citizens of the United States. This Civil war is now known as the gene war and the most powerful Nation fell to its knees. Pictures of actors dramatically falling to their knees flash to the screen. Keera rolls her eyes and shakes her head with a heavy exhale of breath. “Hey Miss can you keep that heavy breathing down I can't keep my attention.” Keera looked over to Albo as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. She burst into laughter. She couldn't help it. Just then the projection paused and the lights came on. They looked up to Mrs. Stimack standing at the front of the class by the controller panel with her arms crossed and a wicked glare on her face. She was definitely not amused. “Keera if you can't control yourself then I will have to ask you to leave.” Keera presses her lips together and after a brief second she puts on a poker face and shakes her head in understanding. Albo raised his hand with his writing gadget still pressed between his fingers. “Yes Mrs. Stimack I am so sorry. I was asking her a question about the film. The dialect had me confused and I guess my confusion came out funny.” He shrugges innocently. “My apologies I will save my questions for after the Documentary is over.” Mrs. Stimack eyed Albo skeptically knowing that his dialect in the many languages he knew was next to perfect but seeing how he was her favorite student she replied. “Ok Albo that is a good idea. I'll let this go this one time but any more outbursts or disruptions and I will have to separate you two.” Albo smiled his beautiful smile and nodded with eager agreement. “Yes mam.” He said as he gave her a salute. Anyone else doing this might come off as arrogant but with that smile Albo was charming and genuine. Keera felt her once fast beating heart beat skip a beat and float in her chest. He glances towards Keera as Mrs. Stimack walked back to the controller panel on the wall. He leans over and whispers. “Separate us? Never.” He still wore his grin and gave Keera a wink. Keera tried desperately to not look at him. Las Vegas was bombed into a hole in the ground for being found out to be a safe haven for those afflicted and the government crumbled. Other Countries turned their back on the U.S. none of them wanting to risk any tainted getting in over seas and have the same destruction go on. America instated Martial law while the government rebuilt. Three territories arose. The Confederacy, which made up most of the inner, center states. The Union which made up most of the bordering states and the Independency which was made up of just four states, Colorado, Nevada, Louisiana and Florida. These four states were made homes to people who saw both sides of the other two territories and refused to commit to either. “Fence jumpers.” One kid coughed out. “Communists.” Another added in agreement. “Hippies.” A third added in a high pitched squeak until Mrs. Stimack called out in a stern voice. “That is enough! Pay attention or I will give the assessment now.” The room fell silent. “I will take questions at the end.” In the Confederacy they believed that God would show them the way out of this and they integrated religion as law. If you were a citizen of the Confederacy it was mandatory to attend Church every Sunday and donate your Wednesday nights to charity work. As a symbol of your allegiance at the age of 16 you were given a Confederate silver cross to wear as part of the Confederate dress code along with your state issued ID chip in the palm of your hand. Keera glanced down at the palm of her left hand. She was almost 12. She had four more years until she would have to leave. There would be no way for her to stay with what she was and in a Confederate state nonetheless. She glanced to Albo and her chest ached. She had four more years with him. The memory of him enthusiastically telling her that he wanted to be a soldier flooded her mind. This is why she could never let him in. She knew that if she did that he would hate her for what she was and that was worse than almost anything else. Keera blinked back tears and continued the torture of watching the documentary. In the Confederacy you were obligated to go to the Army for a year of training after high school and then attend college if decided after that. Science was accepted but with the acknowledgment that God created all things and any science trying to prove otherwise was forbidden by Confederate law. There was also an election for a Commander in Chief every 5 years which enabled the public to vote for its Confederate leader. Because a lot of the Confederate states consist of farm land they thrive on trade and focus on this skill. In the Union territory they believe in the people's voice as a majority to be most important. They have a council of the Union which consists of a leader from each Union state as a representative. In this territory environment is most important. Recycling is a strict law. Technology is a huge push in the Union states. College is not only free but required. If you opt out then you are required to join the military. Without either you will not be eligible for work. In order to work or travel at the age of 16 when you instate your allegiance to your territory you get a chip in your palm. In a Union state you get a branding on the back of the neck. The symbol of two hands shaking. Because most of the Union states are on the borders their technology and waterways give them an advantage to trade with the Confederates for food. Keera found herself rubbing the back of her neck and noticed that a few students were doing the same. She couldn't imagine being branded even if she tended to believe in the Union states of government more than her own. For now she was stuck. She would probably have to find a way to an Independent state at some point. That's the only way they wouldn't need to chip her. She was scared of being chipped because there were rumors that when you are chipped if you have a genetic default that your chip implant zaps you dead in under a minute. Even though it was most likely malarkey she didn't want to take that chance with her life. She continued rubbing her palm and listened closely to the Independent explanation of government. The Independent states are just that. They are each Independent from government and run on their own individually. After Nevada was bombed and as a gesture of peace all three territories deemed it the first safe zone. It was renamed New Vegas and housed all the new and upcoming technology. College kids from all three territories were allowed safe passage. Louisiana, Colorado and Florida ran off of a point system. Colorado and Louisiana grew crops and canibus to trade with either faction for their needs. In order to get points you had to contribute and thus you got your rations. It was harder to establish this system more than the others but in time everyone just grew accustomed. If they didn't like it they could change to a different faction. So people moved to where they wanted to be. Once you pledge your allegiance however it was very hard to change. Florida functioned on the same point system as well but thrived on fish trade and tourism. Independent territories allow visitors from both Union and Confederate States but no long term visitors like New Vegas and once you pledge your allegiance to an Independent state because they don't require tracking chips you were not allowed to travel outside your state without special paperwork stating you had permission to do so. Damn. Keera thought to herself. She wouldn't be able to leave. She would need to try and research all of them. Keera sunk a little in her seat. Researching anything outside of being a Confederate citizen was almost impossible here. She would find a way or she would just go to the closest one. Nevada wasn't too far from Arizona. Keera thought. I would surely find someone to help her get to an Independent state from there right? The cold feeling of loneliness blanketed her chest like it often did when she tried to come up with a game plan. Keera was completely on her own and had no one to help her. The Nihilist started to arise in her. Fuck it. She cursed. She would do what she had to do and if she went down she would take anyone trying to stop her down with her. This system has taken nearly a decade in a half to establish into what we have today. A very precise unified governing system. All three territories though separate help keep the united states diverse yet segregated. Once a melting pot of angry people forced to live amongst each other we are now a three part governing system with everyone where they belong best. Now a little over 10 years after it all begun the United States has gone through more change than it has in the last 200 years but is finally prospering. With the ones with ailments gone or secluded peace has finally been possible. Music of a marching band crescendos into the credits screen. As the lights came on Keera glanced around the room to the students blinking to adjust their eyes to the light. She was trying to gauge their reactions to the video. She looked to Albo who was staring at her. At first Keera wanted to be self conscious as if the video exposed her in some way. Then Albo licked his lips; eyes penetrating her with concern. “Are you alright?” He asked with so much concern it caught Keeras breath. She exhaled and averted her eyes from his. “Yeah I'm fine. Just tired.” She clears her throat. “Oh i dashur you don't expect me to believe that.” He always called her that. Which meant “darling” when she looked it up one time. Though she secretly loved it she found herself rolling her eyes at it almost impulsively. He laughed softly at her response. “Ok then we talk later ya?” Keera found herself unable to speak so she just shook her head in agreement to make the conversation be over with. “Ok settle down.” Mrs. Stimack called out over the chatter of the room that had erupted once the lights came on. Keera overheard one boy finishing his story to two other boys. “Yeah well my dad said the tainted are all in Puerto Rico in a camp where they belong.” Keera flinched at this statement. Puerto Rico was deemed a safe zone before the bombing of Las Vegas but it ended up just being a trap. Anyone who was taken there was never seen or heard from again. Men in black uniforms would come and tear people from their families and drag them off to this safe zone that people without abilities were not allowed to go. All of them being children. It almost caused a second war but because people that were not affected directly from this and wanted to move on outnumber the ones who did nothing came of their rebellion. “Joseph.” Mrs. Stimack called out to the boy telling the story. “Tainted is a slanderous word for those afflicted with abilities and I do not tolerate slanderous terms in my classroom.” Joseph put his head down in shame for his slip up. Keera had heard that word plenty of times behind closed doors. Her foster family used language worse than that along with other things that would make it easy for her to walk away from this facade of a life. The only thing that made it hard was Albo. She thought about the times they had hung out on roof tops talking about their life plans. Albo was so certain about what he wanted. He was tenacious. His life was planned out like a check list. Not like I want this to happen but what will happen with such certainty. Keera would just shrug and say that she planned on going to college for something. Albo would tease her casual non-commitment type attitude but she figured that deep down he maybe knew she didn't plan on sticking around and pledging her allegiance to Arizona. They never talked about it but when the subject of what they would do after school got brought up he would get this look in his eyes that was unmistakably sad. Albo was always happy and contagiously enthusiastic but in those moments Keera knew that she was going to break his heart and in doing that break her own. Whenever she thought of those moments her heart ached and she would then begin to a wall. “Yes Matthew?” Mrs. Stimack said calling on another student and waking Keera up from her inner tortured dialog. “Is it true that.” He paused looking for the correct words. “The people.” he paused again not knowing how to refer to the people with abilities. Mrs. Stimack answered for him. “People with ailments.” She said nonchalantly. Matthew shook his head in agreement to the term and continued. “Is it true that people with ailments are shipped to Puerto Rico in a camp?” Matthew was a skinny blond haired blue boy with such an innocent expression that Keera almost didn't even feel a stab in her chest when he asked it outloud. Mrs. Stimack answered with a well prepared tone to her voice and a fake smile plastered on her face. Keera had been alive long enough to observe people who despised people with abilities. The slander remark didn't fool her. “Now Matthew that has never been proven to be true. OK?” She shook her head yes as to get him to comply in agreement and to Keeras disbelief Matthew did so. “Ok Mrs. Stimack.” He said with a smile. Did she just hypnotise him? Keera thought to herself. “Yes Mary?” Mrs. Stimack called on the next student with their hand raised. Most of the students that were born into a Confederate state ended up having a biblical name. Students had come to bear these names with pride and arrogance and it annoyed Keera to no end. Mary was a teacher's pet. She had red hair in two tight pigtail braids on each side of her head and a freckled face. “Yes.” She said brushing one braid off of her shoulder like the chip she needed to get off her shoulder Keera thought to herself. “My daddy said that Canada is a Country full of heathens that all have abilities and have children out of wedlock and…” She was cut off. “Let me stop you right there.” Mrs. Stimack said. Mary went on though. “He said it's Sodom and Gomorrah all over again.” Mrs. Stimack put her hand up and Mary’s rebellious look on her face fell into a blank expression. Mrs. Stimack smiled kindly, which looked odd on her wrinkled face that had stress lines from frowning rather than smiling. Her blonde hair was tight on top of her head exposing every one of those lines on her face. “None of that has ever been proven and here in the Confederacy we only acknowledge truth and justice.” The words Truth and justice was recited by the whole class out loud any time they were said in class conversation like a verse at Catholic school. The Canadian border was the last to close, but they are just that. Closed! Therefore we do not acknowledge them. Understand?” She says with a gritted toothed grin. Mary just nodded in agreement. Keera pinched her brows together in shock. She is fucking hypnotizing them? She thought. Keera looked around the room to the other students to see if anyone else noticed what was going on and as far as she could tell no one was catching on. She looked to Albo who had his nose buried in his notes he had taken. Luke who was one of Keera and Albos friends raised his hand tentatively. “Yes Luke.” Mrs Stimack said with a smile but rolled her eyes at the same time already fed up with this routine. “Uh yea.” Luke's voice was shaky and nervous. He was Puerto Rican. After the war begun Puerto Rico was evacuated and his family, who was very religious moved to Arizona and had him and named him Luke by suggestion of the Commander of Chief that said all Confederates should bring biblical names back for the future is within our children and we should give them the holiest path we can. “Yes Luke go ahead.” Mrs. Stimack said with a hint of irritation in her voice. “Yeah what will happen if we don't want to pledge our allegiance?” Everyone turned to stare at him in the back of the class. Keeras heart ached for him knowing how much this bothered him. “I mean do you have to leave?” Mrs. Stimacks head tilted like a puppy's does when it does not understand how something works. “What do you mean not pledge your allegiance? Do you mean switch sides to a Union state?” She laughed at the last part conveying what a joke she thought that would be. “No I mean why do we have to pick a side?” He says in a smaller voice. Keeras stomach started turning at the agony she saw her friend going through. Damn it Luke why did you have to open your mouth! Keera yelled in her own head. “Well you don't. You can move away from your family and everything you know and go live on a commune, in sin with the savages in an independent state.” “Savages?” A crude voice rang out clear as a bell in the classroom. Keera didn't realize it was her own voice until she noticed everyone's gazed shifting to her. Mrs Stimack looked to her as if she was a bug. “Yes I believe savages would be accurate.” Mrs. Stimack’s voice was overly punctual as to convey her conception of knowledge to be much greater than Keeras. “Violent and uncontrolled is an accurate definition of the word savage.” She drew the last word out and flicked her tongue at the end as if it were something dirty she needed to get out of her mouth. Anger started boiling in Keeras stomach and she knew she was skating on a thin line. Keera drew in a deep breath to calm herself. “Just seems like an extreme word for a group of people that want to live their lives without being forced into something that they don't believe in.” Keera could feel herself glare even though she was trying to will herself not to. Mrs. Stimack glared back and stood. Her nice smiling expression was gone. “Really Keera? You mean people who don't believe in God or Jesus and want to live in sin without any consequences. You think savage is too harsh of a term for them.” Her hands were in firsts hung down on each side of her body that was shaking. She paced in front of the class and preached in a strong overpowering raging tone. “John 3:16. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.” She glared daggers to Keera daring for a response. “Matthew 7:1-5” was all that left Keeras lips in a firm defying voice. Although every fiber of her being was telling her to stop bringing attention to herself she couldn't help but feed the fire inside her. Her lips curled up into a smirk. Gasps erupted from the room because the scripture she was referencing was about not judging others for you will be judged with the same harshness. “Get out!” Mrs. Stimack roared. Keeras smirk fell into a frown and she swallowed hard. Students that got send to the principle got lashings and although she was not scared of the pain from the lashings she was scared about controlling her ailments as she was punished. “Please.” was all that could leave her lips. She frantically looked to Albo that was looking at her with pain in his eyes. “I will not have you disrupting my class!” Keera did not respond. She had no words that wouldn't just get her into more trouble. She also did not move. She was unable to. She just gripped the sides of her desk trying to control her breathing frozen in fear that she might burn the entire school down if forced to move. Just then Albo stood. “I want to bear her punishment please.” Albo stood at attention. The class was dead silent. “Albo no.” Is all that Keera could say but it was barely audible. “Quiet.” Mrs Stimack spat at Keera. She approached Albo. “Are you sure you want to do this?”She whispered quietly into his ear. Albo stood at attention not looking Mrs. Stimack in her eyes. “Yes mam. I would please like to bear her punishment for her which is stated in the handbook as a viable rule.” Mrs. Stimack leans her gaze back to spot the agony in Keera’s expression. “Yes, but not a rule that I have seen actually practiced.” She then wore a smirk leaning in to whisper into Albos ear again. “You know you are very brave for this.” Albo said nothing. “I favore you but the Principal will make an example of you. You know this right?” Albo says nothing. “You can back out if you want to. Now that you know this Albo.” Albo looks to Keera and winks. “No mam I will not be backing out” He says loud enough for everyone to hear. Mrs. Stimack leans back to look Keera right in the face. “I didn't think you would. Go on then and receive your lashings.” Albo grabs his books and marches out of the classroom. Keera’s eyes glassed over and warm tears rolled uncontrollably down her face. Her chest felt like a hole had been hammered into it. “You should think of this next time you want to disrupt my classroom Keera.” If keera hadn't been so heart broken she knew the room would of exploded at that very moment. Instead she sat extremely quiet; silent tears falling out onto her desk until she had no more tears left to fall. That night Keera snuck out of her room in the attic of her foster parents house and into the upstairs room of Albo that lived just next door. She opened the window that was always unlocked. She had become accustomed to knocking and they meet on the roof never daring to actually go inside his room. She didn't want to give the wrong impression to him. Albo was laying in bed with bandages taped to his back soaked in blood. He lay face down covered in sweat. “Oh my God Albo.” Keera whispered touching his bicep gently from behind not able to see his face yet. “Albo I am so sorry.” She whispered out. Albo took a deep breath in. “Keera you didn't deserve this.” His words were muffled half into the pillow and half because of Albos teeth being grinded together through the pain. Tears Keera didn't think she had welled back into her eyes. She walked around the bed and layed down so that her face and his were facing each other. “You didn't either. Why did you do this for me.” He smiled his enthusiastic grin that was tainted with the pain. “Because i dasure don't you know?” His eyes shot lasers into hers and down into her chest. He raised his hand and touched her cheek. “Ti je dashuria ime” Keeras breath hitched. She wasn't exactly sure what that meant but she was almost 100% sure that he just professed his love to her. He leaned forward to give her a kiss on her forehead and kiss her tears from her eyes. Yeah I'm going to break him. She thought with certainty for there was no future for them but she felt like she couldn't live without him. In that moment Keera felt for the first time ever that she was not alone and it was going to kill her.