#all of my published fics are too short and aimless for me to post them as-is. they'd need to be gutted beyond recognition.
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if any of my fanfics get published at least i can rest assured that i didn't post any of the original versions so nobody can know 100% sure for real just what my original intent was 😇
#myevilposts#all of my published fics are too short and aimless for me to post them as-is. they'd need to be gutted beyond recognition.#my thinly veiled self insert fiction with fan undertones on the other hand is different though !#it's not fanfiction if every character is just me ! by the fucking way !#some of the worst advice i've ever seen is not basing your characters on real people or pre-existing characters....#like are you that scared of being sued? or are there really that many toes you don't want to step on?#in this case of avoiding autobiography: do you really need to protect yourself that much by removing yourself so much from your art?#whatever happened to writing from experience? and you cannot no matter how hard you try fully separate yourself from your art#because an absence of something is a missed presence.... you will always indirectly refer back to the thing you are trying to avoid#by trying to avoid it. to live as the inverse is to always refer back to the thing you are inverting.#'this character is the opposite of me' as opposed to? you are referring back to yourself again. you are your own reference.#if u ever think you know what i'm writing about just remember that i am in love with myself and want to fuck myself ☝️#and that the fine line between my reality and visions is so weird that what's real to me isn't always 'really' 'real'.#i'm living my truth so some things it's very hard to explain whether or not they're 'real' bc to you maybe not! but to me it's very real.#p ref#once again my poetry is mostly autobiographical but i'm psychotic so take that as you will. that's all i mean i guess.
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I’ve Never Not Wanted You
This is my contribution to the Hinny Ficfest organized by the wonderful @clarensjoy - Thank you for organizing and for the fantastic contributions. I haven’t published a fic in awhile and this one is very not proofread and rough but I wanted desperately to contribute something. I hope you don’t mind this one is under the wire! Eventually I will post a cleaned up version on AO3, but in the meantime I hope you enjoy!
Prompt: “I’ve never not wanted you”
“You have to come to dinner tonight. Mum has invited another suitor and we are all going to want to watch the bloodbath.” Ron’s mouth was full of curry, so it was hard to make out exactly what he meant, but the gist was an invite for dinner.
Harry scowled in response and pushed his food away from him, suddenly having lost his appetite.
“When will Molly stop? After Ginny has killed someone?”
Ron gave a barking laugh. “Maybe. It’s hard to stop a determined Weasley though.”
“So, who is more determined? Molly to marry Ginny off or Ginny to resist?” Harry wondered out loud, still staring at his noodles as if they had offended him.
Shrugging, Ron reached over and helped himself to Harry’s discarded lunch. “Mum just wants Ginny to be happy. Wizards marry pretty young in our world and everyone else has mostly coupled off,” Ron pointed his chopsticks at Harry. “Well, except you mate.”
Harry frowned.
“I’ve been busy,” he finally said, and Ron gave a series of nods.
“Of course. Ridding the world of unstoppable evil and what not. I’m sure that’s why Mum is focused on Ginny and not you.”
“That’s a bit of a double standard, isn’t it?” Harry asked, irritated at the way the conversation had changed. The last thing he wanted to talk about was his sorry dating life. Or Ginny’s for that matter.
“The entire wizarding world is a double standard innit? Best to just make the best to just make the best of it and enjoy the show.”
Harry merely gave a small noise of assent, turning back to his noodles to find them completely gone. He looked up at Ron’s sheepish look.
“I thought you were done.”
_*_*_*_*_*_*_
Avoiding the floo network entirely, Harry opted to apparate to the Burrow, pausing outside the familiar door to collect his thoughts.
Using his free hand, he smoothed down his shirt and jeans, his other hand grasping the bottle of red wine Arthur had mentioned he liked the last time they had dined together at Grimmauld Place. He rose his hand to knock, but the door swung open before his fist even made contact.
“Harry! You’ve come to save me!” Harry was rather unprepared for the sight of Ginny, fresh faced and beautiful, greeting him at the door and found himself unable to say much of anything other than a grumbled hello as he shoved the bottle of wine at her.
She was wearing a simple black cotton dress that hugged her waist and flared out at the bottom. Her hair was down and bouncing around her shoulders. He gestured stupidly at his ears.
“You are wearing the earrings.”
She gave a tinkling laugh and pushed her hair behind her ear so he could see more clearly the diamond studs that he had given her last Christmas. “I’ve practically never taken them off. They are gorgeous. Probably one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten.” She smiled at him sincerely and he felt his heart rate accelerate uncomfortably.
“I’m glad you like them so much.” He smiled back at her and they remained that way, smiling at each other silently before Ginny was called rather abruptly from the other room.
She gave a grimace in response. “She’s invited Ernie Macmillan over can you believe it? Him and Hermione are currently fighting over some horribly boring historical fact in the other room and she expects me to marry this man?” She rolled her eyes and Harry gave a weak laugh in response.
Learning up, she gave him a light kiss on the cheek, her hand resting on his arm. “It’s so lovely to see you, Harry. Please feel free to rescue me from inane conversation as you see fit.”
She floated away and he stood there struck rather dumb for a few moments.
Following the trail of voices from the entryway, Harry entered the living area to various greetings. It appeared he was one of the last to arrive and he grabbed a butterbeer and joined in where Ron and George were huddled together by the fireplace.
“I think the formula is off. People shouldn’t be incapacitated. Just unconscious for a short while.”
George shook his head. “They are fine if you just poke them—Harry! You’ve come to join us!” George gave him a broad smile that Harry couldn’t help but reciprocate.
“Is this for something you’ve already invented, or you have created something else to wreak havoc on the wizarding public?”
“Harry my dear boy, I’m not sure why it can’t be both,” George said sincerely causing Harry to snort into his bottle.
Ginny’s laughter brought their attention to where she was standing in the center of the room with Ernie.
Ron frowned. “Maybe mum actually found a winner.”
They watched as Ginny laughed again at something Ernie said, her hand placed on his arm.
“Apparently he works with Percy. Probably in the Department of who has the biggest stick up their arse,” George laughed to himself.
Harry frowned as he watched Ernie with his patrician features and pedigree push a tendril of crimson hair behind Ginny’s ear causing her to blush.
“What did that bottle do to you mate?” Ron joked and Harry looked down at the tight grip he was maintaining on his butterbeer. He loosened his grip and stretched his fingers.
Molly’s appearance in the room quieted most conversations as she herded everyone into the dining area where amazing smells were wafting. It required gymnastics in order for everyone to get into the magically enhanced room.
“No no Ginny. Don’t sit there. Sit over here by Ernie,” Molly smiled warmly at the tall boy. Ernie smiled back in a way that made Harry’s hand flinch towards his wand, imagining all the new curses he had recently mastered in his second year auror training.
“Mum it took me straining my hop to even get a seat. I’m going to stay right here,” she turned to Harry who suddenly realized how close she was. “You are ok with that right Harry?” Her eyes widened slightly and he managed to cotton on.
“Er yes sorry Molly. Ginny is fine here.” She gave him a brilliant smile and nudged his shoulder with hers.
“I think I’ve lost some of my brain cells.” Harry had to resist flinching as he felt her breath brush his hair as Ginny leaned over and whispered to him.
He gave a tight-lipped smile. “You seemed rather fond of this one,” he whispered in return to her causing her to wave a hand at him dismissively.
“I’m just trying to be nice. If I hex this one she will just bring in someone worse. I heard Malfoy was keen,” she gave a dramatic shiver, her impish smile telling another story.
Harry felt a rush of relief he tried not to analyze. “Molly can keep on bringing by all the unsuitable young men of the English wizarding world if it means I get to sit next to you.” The words are soft and filled with way too much feeling and for one frightening heartbeat he wished he could take them back.
She remained silent, grabbing a dinner roll form the passed tray and fidgeting with it between her hands. “Harry, you shouldn’t say such things to me,” she finally said mildly, refusing to look at him. “I might start getting ideas.”
Impulsively he reached for one of her hands, forcing her to drop the bread. He pulled her hand under the table and squeezed it gently.
They sat with hands clasped under the table, but otherwise ignoring each other, answering direct questions but otherwise staying mostly silent. Harry thought he saw Ginny’s face was rather shiny and he wondered what he looked like. Probably pale white and sickly.
“Ginny, how goes the season? Should I be placing my Harpy’s bets now?” Ernie asked Ginny directly causing her to drop Harry’s hand and inhale shakily.
“Oh, I’m just reserve for now. But a bet on the Harpies is always a safe bet,” Ginny gave a wicked smile causing the table to collectively give a ruckus laugh.
“Ernie, you know Ginny is the youngest reserve chaser in the league,” Molly boasted, and Harry noticed Ginny resist rolling her eyes.
“Mum, I’m so glad you support my career choice now.” The words were biting but the soft look in her eyes made Harry think Ginny actually meant them.
Harry stole a look at Justin. To his disgust the boy was looking at Ginny rather starry eyed. It isn’t like Harry could blame him; a similar look frequently graced his own face.
He was rather sick of it all though. The constant parade of unworthy men being thrust at Ginny.
The rather petulant thought that Molly had never asked him to be one of those unworthy men flew through his brain unhelpfully. Perhaps everyone had given up on the possibility of him and Ginny ever making it work.
They had made it work though. For a few blissful months they had been something new and delicate and untouchable. Frequently Harry thought back to some of those times. Of walks around the school, hands clasped and of breathless goodbyes leaving them both wanting and late for class.
Ever since the war Harry had been trying to pick up the pieces, but it had been hard and often he had found himself rather aimless. Without even realizing it, he had found that he had pulled back on all the ties that bound him-rarely coming by the Burrow, never seeing friends other than around the office and busying himself with work and tracking down rogue Death Eaters.
He had finally looked up and while he had stayed in the same spot, everyone else had moved on. Ron had ditched the aurors and found his calling with George in the joke shop. Hermione had proven herself immensely capable apart from him in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
And Ginny had graduated from Hogwarts and immediately absconded to Harpy training camp.
Unfortunately, in all his chosen one lessons with Dumbledore, the wise wizard had never told him what happens after the bad guy has been slain. What happens to the chosen one when he’s done being chosen?
In this instance it seemed as if Harry was doomed to sit there and watch as everyone he loved moved on without him. Bitterly he looked down at the roast on his plate, moving the discarded pees around with his fork.
“You gonna finish that?” Harry looked up to find he was almost done at the table, Ron leaning over him, fork in hand.
Scowling, Harry pushed his plate towards Ron who tucked in happily. “Ernie left a bit ago,” Ron said, in between bites. Harry’s eyes snapped up at that.
“Why would I care whether or not Ernie had left?” Harry snarked at him, frowning when Ron paused his eating to give Harry a knowing look.
“Either way, Ginny is in the backyard if you want to talk to her,” Ron scooped up some mashed potatoes. “Or not.” He shrugged.
Harry pushed away from the table and paused in front of the living room. He could hear the rest of the Weasley’s making their normal noises and he hesitated before joining, his eyes straying to the backyard where Ron had said Ginny was.
Whatever gravitational pull Ginny had made the decision for him as Harry turned and slipped out the door.
She was silhouetted against the starry sky, the light of the moon reflecting off her hair in a way that made his throat dry. He approached her slowly and she turned at his footsteps, giving him a warm smile.
“I came out to get some fresh air,” she told him unnecessarily and he plopped down next to her, his arm brushing hers. “These family gatherings can be a lot,” she said, her voice so quiet he could barely hear her, but that’s probably more to do with the quick sound of his heartbeat in his ears.
Feeling that same impulsive urge he had felt during dinner that let him hold her hand, he lifted his arm up and over her shoulders. They both froze at the contact, but before he could regret it, she leaned in, setting her head on his shoulder.
“Where did Ernie go?” Harry asked eventually, that familiar monster roaring in his chest.
Ginny leaned even further into his side. “He got an owl, had to go into the office.” Her hair brushed against his neck and he caught a whiff of her comforting flower scent that hadn’t changed since sixth year.
“Did you want him to stay?” He asked her, the darkness giving him some sort of courage.
She shook her head. “Not really. He wasn’t as bad as the other’s, but he’s not really who I want,” she said, voice low and husky.
Finally, she sighed deeply and pulled away, pulling her knees under the skirt of her dress and into her stomach.
“At least he seemed to want me,” she mumbled, and Harry took a deep breath, tired of always waiting for the right moment.
“I’ve never not wanted you, Ginny.”
Amazingly, the words didn’t sound weak or pathetic out loud like they did in his head. Instead, all he felt was relief.
The sound of a sharp intake of breath was the only indication that he had been heard. Summoning his Gryffindor courage, he looked up at Ginny. She was staring at him, eyes wide.
“You want me?” She asked finally, incredulously.
He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Watching your mum parade those boys in front of you has been a special kind of hell for me Gin. I miss you.” They aren’t the most eloquent words, but they are the ones he had.
“Then why didn’t you say anything, you stupid arse?” Ginny finally spit out and Harry let out a choke of laughter.
“I’m an idiot?” He told her helpfully and she shook her head, a fond smile on her face.
“Can you come closer Harry? I need to smack you,” she laughed, and Harry obliged, scooting back towards her until there was no space between them, his body tingling in anticipation.
“So no more set ups from your mum?” He asked, moving his face toward hers so close he could feel each breath she took, could count the freckles on her face from just the soft light of the stars.
“Harry I can confidently tell you I will no longer let my mum dictate my romantic life from here on out,” she giggled and Harry fought the smile that threatened to climb up his cheeks.
“Harry,” she said, drawing his attention back to her and her lips.
“Yes?”
“I’ve never not wanted you to kiss me,” she said before closing the small gap between them, her soft, sweet lips under his. Suddenly all the pining and scowling became worth it as he rolled them over, her body under his, molding to each other as if reminding him that they’ve done this before.
As he kissed and kissed her, lips trailing down her neck, he sent a silent thank you to whatever work emergency had claimed Ernie’s attention. Tonight and forever Ginny was his. And he set about showing her over and over.
_*_*_*_*_*_*_
“Ernie Macmillan? Really?” Ron took a noisy bite of his biscuit.
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Ronald,” Molly tutted, waiving her wand so the corresponding feather duster would wipe down the windows properly.
“I just want you to know that I know what you did,” Ron shrugged, gesturing out the window Molly was cleaning to where Harry and Ginny were clearly engaged in some unwholesome activities.
Molly smiled at the image the pair made before closing the curtain and turning back towards her youngest son.
“Don’t you have your own home?” He lifted his hands in surrender before leaving the room. Molly watched as he disappeared from view. Really, what was she supposed to do? Let them pine away for each other forever? No, she did the right thing. She did feel a little bad poor Ernie would have to go all the way into work to find that emergency cauldron bottom situation wasn’t quite the emergency that ministry owl had made it seem. But the boy had gotten a home cooked meal for dinner so he surely made out alright.
Smiling one more time to herself, a very satisfied Molly Weasley set about cleaning dishes, brainstorming how she might next get Percy to dinner along with that nice young man Oliver Wood.
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I said this in a reply and I think I'll say it here too. But with more details I guess.
Writing has been a big part of my interests for as long as I can remember. I wrote fanfic on physical paper for a bunch of fandoms that I was only really writing for myself and never actually considered publishing it online. I never really finished those fics, just wrote until I ran out of ideas for where they should go after the initial idea that sparked them or lost motivation. The first fic I wrote and posted online was a short lived and rather strange Courage the Cowardly Dog x Undertale crossover that I was only ever able to post like two or three chapters of on Fanfiction.net before completely giving up on it because of loss of motivation and interest.
It wasn't until I watched Gravity Falls that I dared to try writing fanfic again to actually finish and post (minus a couple Henry Stickmin fics I wrote before losing interest in that fandom). I even wrote one before I finished watching the series, plus a bunch of aimless angst fics I tried out before that specific one that I didn't post. I've found myself improving my craft with every fic I write and I'm so glad for that. I also have you guys to thank for giving me writing prompts through asks to help me practice with it! I'm so grateful for finding my niche in this fandom, which is writing fics about whatever idea I feel like taking to the end. I get so giddy when I think of people seeing what I write and liking it. Thanks for the support y'all have given me on these fics, it means a lot more to me than you could imagine. Literally makes my day and tells me that you think my fics are good even when my mind is down about them sometimes.
Anyway, just wanted to share a bit of my experience with writing fanfic. Idk where I'd be if I didn't have Gravity Falls to write fanfic for. Even though I'm far from perfect when it comes to my writing, I'm glad that I'm doing this and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am hugging all of you.
#gravity falls#writing#fanfic#genuinely surprised i made it this far and am still writing for gravity falls#just had one of my fics get so many kudos you had to click to see all the users and it warms my heart#thanks guys
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