#all of cross & javy’s relationship is so tender

[mxgyver]

“"Momma, I don't need-" Javy grumbled, but broke off when his mother just lifted an eyebrow. His eyes met yours in the rearview mirror again, before they darted down to the reflection of your dress, and up again.

“You look beautiful," he said.

And it was three words, three very simple ones, but they settled deep in your skin, the kind of compliment that made the sun shine warmer. Javy looked like he meant them, too, he looked earnest and honest, which was a combination you'd never stood a chance against.

“Thank you," you said quietly, hoping you didn't seem flustered. After all, surely Javy would give his actual girlfriend compliments like that all the time-but you got the feeling that if he told you the same three words every day for the next fifty years, you'd still glow from them.”

okay but Javy seems like the type of guy to always means what he says and when he compliments? he truly means it and I just 😭

“"It wasn't that big of a deal," Javy grumbled, and you shook your head.

"It was to that girl" you insisted. "It was to me."

You weren't sure when you'd moved, but your hand was on his forearm, an unspoken emphasis of the weight and meaning behind your words, but you withdrew it quickly. He wasn't looking at you, but you saw his jaw clench, looking down at the table; you looked back at Mrs. Machado, who was smiling proudly at her son.”

JAVY BABY HONEY 😭

“You stopped talking when Javy pushed away from the sink, his long legs crossing the room quickly. The laid back air of earlier was gone, replaced by an intensity that seemed to crackle the air, and you backed up as he walked closer to you. Your back hit the opposite wall and you yelped quietly, but Javy didn't stop until he was right in front of you.

He didn't touch you, and you could've moved, but you both knew you wouldn't.

Not when he leaned his forearms against the wall behind your head, his large body caging you, and all you could see, all you could focus on, was him.”

Cross is stronger than me because my knees would have buckled & I would have whimpered if he caged me in like that

“And you were sure there was a lot you could've phrased better, maybe held your tongue on, but you didn't. Instead, you told your restless body to get over itself and slid back across the bed, into Javy's side. He kept his hold on your hand over the blankets, but you tucked yourself against his torso, more determined to be comforting than comfortable.

“You're not selfish for asking someone to love you, Jay," you said, your voice muffled by his tshirt. "And I think you deserve someone whom you don't have to ask."”

oh this broke me 😭

your love is the love i need || chapter 2/4

pairing: javy machado x femme reader (no y/n), callsign Cross

summary: Cross and Javy continue their charade, try not to think about the kiss, and share secrets of heartbreaks past

warnings: 18+, minors please DNI – even though there is no smut in this chapter, there will be some in the next

length: 7.3k

A/N: once again, thank you to my anons who send inspiration, and the people who let me brainstorm with them @daggerspare-standingby (also ty for beta-ing!) @laracrofted @bradshawsbitch @peakyrogers💙

previous chapter

Sunday

It’d been a productive morning, which you were choosing to believe was because you were a productive person.

Absolutely not because if you sat still for more than two seconds you started panicking. 

You cleaned your kitchen—not merely putting away dishes and swiffering the floor, no, you windexed the windows of your kitchen. Outside and inside.

You ran a load of laundry for the dagger squad—after a day of dogfight football and the news that the laundromat on base had flooded, they’d dropped sandy towels, tshirts, and swimsuits off with you, promising to pay you back with coffee.

You made dough for cinnamon rolls—it  took 8 hours to rise in the fridge, and you could have a good answer for “what did you do this morning?” or “and what will you do for the rest of the day?”. And in the absolute worst case scenario, you could use it as an emergency escape plan if required, but you doubted it would come to that.

You turned your closet inside out, trying to decide what kind of image you wanted to present and ultimately deciding on a sundress with a light cardigan. You were wondering if it was too on the nose when you heard a car pull up outside. 

Javy’s mom probably expected him to walk to the door to fetch you and, as fun and confusing as last night had been, that wasn’t how you wanted to start today. You locked your front door quickly behind you, and were sliding into the backseat of the car before Javy was able to get out of the driver’s seat. 

“Good morning!” you sang, wondering if you sounded as fake-happy as you felt. 

“Good morning,” Mrs. Machado said warmly, smiling over her shoulder at you. “What did you up to this morning?”

“Ah, not much,” you lied through your teeth, pulling on your seatbelt. “I did get started on a batch of cinnamon rolls, so that’s exciting.”

“Oh, do you bake much?” she asked.

“Not at all,” you sighed, wanting to lie, but also knowing you’d be doing enough of that today, so the truth slipped out easily. “I was just nervous, so I needed something to do.”

“Sweetie,” Mrs. Machado fully turned in her seat to smile kindly at you, “you don’t need to be nervous! I’m just pleased to have time with you and get to know the other special lady in Javy’s life.”

You smiled back at her like you were reassured, when the opposite was true. You looked nervously at Javy, to find his eyes on you in the rearview mirror. You didn’t recognize the expression on his face, which did nothing to calm the butterflies in your stomach from her words, so you looked away quickly, hoping you hadn’t blown this already.

“That’s,” Javy cleared his throat, checking over his shoulder before he turned the car around, “that’s a great dress.”

“Oh, thanks,” you mumbled, flattered that he’d noticed. You supposed you didn’t wear dresses that often around the squad, so it was probably something like a shock. 

“Duckie,” Mrs. Machado chided softly, “you can do better than that.”

“Momma, I don’t need—” Javy grumbled, but broke off when his mother just lifted an eyebrow. His eyes met yours in the rearview mirror again, before they darted down to the reflection of your dress, and up again. 

“You look beautiful,” he said.

And it was three words, three very simple ones, but they settled deep in your skin, the kind of compliment that made the sun shine warmer. Javy looked like he meant them, too, he looked earnest and honest, which was a combination you’d never stood a chance against. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly, hoping you didn’t seem flustered.  After all, surely Javy would give his actual girlfriend compliments like that all the time—but you got the feeling that if he told you the same three words every day for the next fifty years, you’d still glow from them. 

You looked away first again, out the backseat window to watch the car pull over the Coronado bridge. There were runners in the pedestrian lane, bright neon splotches against the bay and the sky, the same shade of gray as the morning mist hovering over the sea. North Island blurred into La Jolla, and Javy dropped you and his mom off in front of Harry’s Coffee Shop, while he looked for a spot to park the car. 

Mrs. Machado linked her arm through yours, as you walked up to the restaurant and asked for a table for three. They seated you at a brown leather booth in the back and you busied yourself with the menu before recognizing Javy’s voice as he spoke to the seating hostess. You expected him to slide in next to his mom, but he sat on your side of the booth, facing her. His arm went across the back of the booth, not quite touching you, but you could feel the warmth of him through the cotton of his henley all the same. 

Mrs. Machado was studying her menu, but the corners of her mouth turned up suspiciously when you pushed your menu towards Javy.

“So,” she asked brightly, once a waiter had come to drop off waters and take your order, “I want to hear your version of how first you met my son.”

Of all the questions she could have asked, you were relieved she’d chosen one that would require little to no embellishment on your part. You glanced at Javy, who was fiddling with the wrapper of his straw, somewhat embarrassedly, before looking back at Mrs. Machado. 

“Well, it was right after I was assigned to this detachment,” you began. “Some guy was being creepy to this girl at a bar, I called him out on it, he wasn’t backing down. Then Javy stepped in, flexed a bit, and the guy was humbled pretty quickly.”

Mrs. Machado’s jaw dropped, looking at Javy. “I thought you met while you were playing darts!”

“We did,” he said stubbornly, and it didn’t surprise you at all that he’d downplayed his role on that night. “She came over and beat Jake—you should’ve seen his face, Momma, it was hilarious.”

“That’s when we met,” you acquiesced. “But my first impression was before that, when this guy was in full Knight In Shining Armor mode.”

“Yeah, call me Lancelot,” Javy joked, winking at his mom, like it was easier to brag than accept praise. He’d started peeling strips in the paper wrapper, a little pile of confetti forming on the glass tabletop. 

“More like Galahad,” you told Mrs. Machado, who looked at you fondly. “No, seriously, it was like something out of a movie. I half expected him to have some John Wayne line like ‘I think you’d better listen to the lady’, something like that.”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” Javy grumbled, and you shook your head. 

“It was to that girl,” you insisted. “It was to me.” 

You weren’t sure when you’d moved, but your hand was on his forearm, an unspoken emphasis of the weight and meaning behind your words, but you withdrew it quickly. He wasn’t looking at you, but you saw his jaw clench, looking down at the table; you looked back at Mrs. Machado, who was smiling proudly at her son.

“That’s my boy,” she said fondly. 

You couldn’t help but smile at the clear affection between the two. A waiter came by with coffees, cleaning off the table and picking up Javy’s scrap pile. You felt the bench start to shake and you realized he was bouncing his leg—was he nervous? He couldn’t be. His mom seemed like the kindest person, and this story was pretty damn congratulatory. 

But his leg kept moving, and it was making you nervous, so you shifted slightly, your leg resting next to his. You regretted it almost immediately—with his arm almost over your shoulders, and his long leg now pressed against yours, Javy was entirely too close to you for you to be able to complete full sentences. But his leg did still, so you figured that was better.  

“Anyways, darts came after that,” you said, continuing the story. “Jake was beating him pretty embarrassingly, and I’d wanted to say thanks anyways, so I went over and introduced myself.”

Mrs. Machado poured some sugar and cream into her coffee, sliding the sugar jar down the table to you. 

“Well, I’m glad I asked,” she said. “I figured there was more to the story than a bar game.”

“He may not have noticed me before then,” you shrugged, “but that’s when I saw him.”

“I noticed you,” Javy said quietly. 

He didn’t seem to realize he’d said it aloud, but the table was quiet as you and Mrs. Machado stared at him. He looked between the both of you, lifting a shoulder lightly. 

“Come on, are you kidding, of course I noticed you.”

And it warmed you, the same way his compliment in the car, that he’d say something so kind with absolute conviction. A tiny voice in the back of your head whispered that it wasn’t real, but his brown eyes held brightness and honesty, so you told that voice to stuff it, and turned back to Mrs. Machado.

“Well, there you have it,” you said, reaching to fix your own coffee.

Mrs. Machado smiled over the rim of her mug, looking between the two of you, before the conversation shifted. You talked about your hometown, what Javy was like growing up, how training was going between missions. 

Safe conversation topics, topics without surprises. 

Maybe that’s why you felt brave enough to lean back a little, relax into the warm leather of the booth, your shoulders brushing against Javy’s arm. Maybe that was why his hand dropped from the back of the booth, his thumb ghosting over the thin material of your cardigan. 

The rest of the meal flew by, and you’d tried to break away after breakfast, but Mrs. Machado had insisted that you come with them as they walked around Balboa Park. So you joined them in playing tourist for the afternoon: picking out glass ornaments in the Spanish Village Art Center, coming up with names for the koi fish in the ponds at the Japanese Friendship Garden, struggling to pronounce Latin names in the Botanical Gardens. 

Your phone died somewhere between the Casa de Balboa and the Old Globe Theater, and so it was Javy’s phone that you handed to strangers offering to take pictures of the three of you. The wind caught Mrs. Machado’s scarf as you were posing by the lily pond; Javy took off to chase it, and the kind tourists held out his phone to you, photo opp deferred. You thanked them, waving apologies for having interrupted their afternoon, as Javy leaned dangerously far over the pond, trying to snag where the scarf had tangled in some bulrushes. 

You swiped through the pictures they’d taken, laughing at the stop-motion effect of the wind blowing her scarf away, but the pictures they got before then were cute. You minimized the camera by force of habit; you didn’t mean to look, but Javy’s background made your heart skip a beat.

It was a picture of the two of you.

Last month.

“This is the dumbest idea any of you have ever had,” Phoenix announced, to a roomful of ears that were absolutely not listening. 

“Yes, but it’s team bonding,” Fritz said, dragging a stack of chairs across the Family Center. “You know how Mav feels about that.”

“THE dumbest idea,” Phoenix reiterated, “and, really, guys, that saying something.”

But she grabbed another stack of chairs. 

Fanboy’s latest comfort youtube content was various Star Wars cast members on Hot Ones—the show where celebrities were interviewed while eating increasingly spicy chicken wings—and as a gag gift, Payback had gotten him a verified box of the hot sauce lineup. One thing had led to another, and now an industrial amount of wings had been delivered to the Family Center, while half the squad was raring to prove that they had the strongest tastebuds.

Or, at least, the most fireproof ones.

“So, Phoenix,” Rooster called, “is that your way of saying you’re not gonna join in?”

“Absolutely not,” she responded. “This is not a question I need answered.”

Everyone laughed, as you arranged chairs around a foldout table. 

“Halo?” Hangman asked, lifting his hands in dismay when she shook her head. “What? Come on.”

“I feel like she’s protecting our dignity,” Bob said, as he carried over a couple gallons of milk and some paper cups. 

Everyone looked at Callie, who smiled slightly.  

“I was raised on Ma La Xiang Guo, guys,” she shrugged, pointing to a sauce with a literal skull and crossbones on the label. “I could brush my teeth with that stuff and be okay.”

“It’s all good,” Hangman said, with an impish smile as he looked between Phoenix and Halo, so you knew what he was about to say was just to goad them into reacting, “we all knew a man was going to win this anyways.”

And apparently it worked. 

Because, without batting an eye, Phoenix announced, “Cross’ll do it.”

Your head whipped around as you heard your name spoken from down the table. “Cross will what now?”

“Welcome to the competition, Crossy,” Jake crowed, slapping a paper plate down in front of you.

You looked down at it. “Guys, I’m not—”

“Feminists everywhere are counting on you,” Phoenix said solemnly. 

“Remember when you said this was a dumb idea?” Payback asked, and she waved a hand at him. 

So that’s how you ended up sandwiched between Rooster and Harvard, eating wings doused with hot sauces that sounded like terrible porn star names, and hoping the lining of your stomach could take it. 

It was fine, and then it suddenly really, really wasn’t. 

Bob tapped out on the fourth one, bless him, and Omaha was out on the fifth. Rooster hung on for a couple more, Payback too, but by the time you were down to the final two sauces, it was you, Fanboy and Coyote. 

“For our penultimate round, ladies and gentleman,” Hangman croaked, his voice hoarse from Da Bomb, the sauce that had knocked him out in round eight, “I present to you—Unique Garlique, by Puckerbutt Pepper Co.”

“That is not the name of the company,” you groaned, your eyes streaming. 

You’d started crying around round six, and had accepted it as your fate. No way were you about to touch your eyes, and sweet Bob stood beside you with a tissue, patting at your face helpfully, but it really was no use. 

“Tragically, he’s not,” Fanboy sighed, dabbing some sauce onto a wing, before passing the bottle to Coyote.

And honestly? Fuck him. Because you were actively weeping, Fanboy was sweating patches into his uniform, and Coyote looked like he’d maybe gone for a light jog. If anything, he was glistening, like some eau de perfume commercial from the early 2000s, and it really was ridiculous. 

He handed the bottle to you, and you grimaced, reading the label. “How does something as innocuous as garlic somehow contain 642,000 Scoville heat units?”

“You can always tap out, if you need,” Hangman teased, and you wanted to flip him off, but that took more energy than you had to spare.

“I want you to know,” you told him, not looking up from the wing that was practically glowing with garlic poison, “that I’m channeling all of my pain into anger at you specifically, and I will win this damn thing on spite alone.”

“The American way,” Coyote said, cheersing his chicken messily into yours with supernatural enthusiasm, and then Fanboy’s. 

You three took a bite.

You three chewed, thinking maybe it wasn’t so bad. 

And then you three saw hell.

You could not drink enough milk, and Natasha was trying to be helpful by fanning you with a notebook, but somehow it felt like that was stoking the spiciness higher. Your mouth felt like it was actively on fire, and you were pretty sure your throat was closing up on itself.

“Holy shit,” Mickey wheezed.

“What if we just die,” Javy rasped, “what are they gonna tell our families?”

“Oh my god,” you mumbled. “Only one more, right? Then I have clear and convincing evidence that I am more of a man than Hangman could ever dream to be?”

Javy might’ve snorted beside you, but he also might’ve just been choking. 

“Oh, babes, you passed that a while ago,” Callie said soothingly, rubbing your back.

“One more,” Bradley confirmed, and he slid the bottle down the table to the three of you.

The Last Dab, it was called.

You looked at the bottle—orange red, with a flame logo, and a lovely worded description that explained how it was the only hot sauce in the world made with the apollo pepper, and the Scoville heat units couldn’t even be calculated.

“Well, I have had a stunning epiphany,” Mickey said, slapping his hands on the front of his pants. “And that is that I straight up do not need this. I’m out.”

“Garcia’s out!” Omaha yelled.

“He yieldssssssssssssss,” Jake called, like he was an announcer at an internationally broadcasted sporting event, not standing in the middle of a team of dripping, miserable pilots. 

You looked at Coyote.

At his ridiculously handsome face, with his ridiculously calm demeanor, with his ridiculously nonplussed expression, as he handed the bottle to you. “We doing this?”

You desperately wanted to say no.

Just go stick your head in a freezer or stand under a cold shower for the next three hours or drink your weight in orange juice until your body felt some semblance of normal. But Javy was looking at you like he was having fun, like he and you were the only ones in on this joke, and you weren’t about to walk away from that.

Also, feminism, peer pressure, all that. 

“We’re doing this,” you sighed, coating the final wing. 

He poured the sauce onto his wing resolutely, then shrugged, following the tradition of the show and dabbing an additional glob on top. 

“Lagniappe, and all,” he muttered. 

“Laissez les bon temps rouler,” you offered, those two phrases combined being the extent of the New Orleans slang that you knew. Javy flashed a smile at you as you clunked your chicken wings together in a cheers, then took a synchronized bite.

God, it was awful.

Truly horrendous, mind-bogglingly painful, and if you hadn’t already been openly weeping, this would’ve done it. The squad was going crazy. You were pretty sure Natasha was taking pictures, Jake was being an exceptionally good sport and had started clapping and the whole room was yelling, cheering like you’d won dogfight football, and for a moment, you felt it—you were on the team. 

Javy caught the scarf. 

He returned, brandishing the colorful fabric like a banner, and Mrs Machado patted his cheek as he helped wind it about her shoulders again. You didn’t say anything about the picture, turning off the display on his phone, before you handed it back to him, and tried to forget about it for the rest of the day. 

Mrs. Machado had an evening flight and there were a few more things that Javy had wanted to show her before she left, so you thought that now would be the perfect opportunity to give them some time alone, and use your cinnamon roll excuse. You borrowed Javy’s phone to call yourself a ride, and bid your goodbyes to your fake boyfriend’s mom. She held you so close when she hugged you goodbye, making you promise to text Javy once your phone had battery again, letting them know you’d gotten safely home, and you felt guilty the whole ride back to your place. 

Maybe that’s what all this was—an extension of your guilt. 

Guilt had you so on edge that you’d imagined Javy being calmed by your touch this morning. And he’d probably kissed you last night because it was part of convincing his mom. And his phone background—well, the phone background was hard to explain. 

It looked like the picture had been taken right before that final wing, at the impromptu competition last month. A nervous smile was on your face and you’d closed your eyes bravely. Beside you, Javy was laughing at something you’d said, his eyes on you, his expression one you didn’t remember. 

But, maybe you’d remembered that wrong too. 

You’d only looked at the picture for a couple of moments, and maybe there was something you hadn’t seen—Jake acting a fool or something funny that would make sense for Javy to keep it as a background. 

Guilt and emotional exhaustion made a hell of a cocktail, so you let autopilot take over as soon as you got home. Plugged your phone in, rolled out cinnamon rolls, put them in the oven, cleaned the kitchen while they baked, set them on a rack to cool and clipped your hair up before you hopped in the shower. You were almost done with the arduous process of moisturizing your whole body when there was a loud knock on your door. 

You made a face at your foggy reflection in the over-the-sink mirror; someone must’ve gotten the wrong address for one of your neighbors. As you readjusted the towel under your arms to continue rubbing lotion into your legs, the knocking continued.

“Wrong apartment,” you called, hoping they’d realize their mistake soon. 

“Cross, come on, open up.”

You froze, recognizing that voice.

Shit. 

Glancing around the still misty bathroom, you realized your clean clothes were in your bedroom, opposite of the way to the door, but you weren’t about to answer the door in a towel. Thankfully, the closet that held your washer and dryer was right next to the bathroom, and you rooted around in the dryer for the first tshirt you could find, sending a moment of gratitude to the universe that your front door had none of those filtered glass panes on it. You shoved your arms into the shirt as you struggled into some pajama shorts on your way to the door.

“What are you doing here?” you asked before the door was opened, and even then, only wide enough for your head to poke through.

Javy was leaning against the door frame, arms braced on either side of it, and you noticed his shoulders relaxed a bit when he saw you.

“You’re okay?” he asked, his eyes running over you, seemingly scanning for some nonexistent injury.

“What?” you blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine, what…”

All at once, you remembered the promise you’d made to his mother, and your phone charging in the other room, and how long it’d been since you’d gotten into the car at Balboa. You looked up at Javy, clocking the relief and stress warring in his expression. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, your nose wrinkling. “I just got carried away with stuff and—”

“Is that my shirt?” Javy interrupted you, and you looked down. 

It was his shirt. 

You’d grabbed it out of the tumbled load in the dryer, which you now remembered was one of the last dogfight football loads.

“It was the first one I grabbed,” you said, quickly. 

Javy didn’t say anything, but his hands did drop from the door so he could cross them across his chest. And he was smirking, damn it, something that should be annoying or at least not attractive, but it was, and it made you want to stomp your foot. 

“It doesn’t—“ you tried again. “Don’t be weird about it, okay, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Sure, Cross,” he said, that lazy smile growing, and you pursed your lips, refusing to give into the impulse to smile back. 

“Okay,” you said, knowing it was petty, but pointing to the phone he held in his hand, “is that my picture?”

Javy’s jaw actually dropped.

“Don’t be weird about it,” he mumbled, a moment later, stuffing his phone in his back pocket, parroting your words back to you. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

It was your turn to hum, amused. 

But you did feel bad that he’d been worried enough to drive to your place, so you stepped back, opening the door to your apartment. You walked through it without waiting for Javy to follow you, heading into the kitchen to cover the cinnamon rolls, the smell of them still lingering in the air. You heard the door shut behind you, and smaller shuffling sounds as Javy toed off his shoes.

“You actually made cinnamon rolls?” he called after you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to be offended by the surprise in his voice.

“To everyone’s shock and amazement, yes,” you replied, flipping on the tap. “Want some water?”

“Sure,” Javy said, his voice closer this time, and by the time he made it to the kitchen, you had filled a glass and held it out to him. You wrapped the cinnamon rolls carefully, while Javy stayed in the doorway. 

When you glanced over your shoulder at him, he was looking around your small kitchen curiously. He looked at ease, like he almost always did, with the calm aura of assurance that was deeply grounding. It was something to see him like that, in your space.

He finished the water and walked the glass over to the sink, turning to lean his hips against it. You pushed the cinnamon rolls to a corner of the counter, crossing your arms in front of you self consciously as you became aware of the casualness of your dress. 

“Well,” you said, awkwardly, “thanks for checking on me. I am alive, so this has been a win for due diligence.”

Javy nodded slowly, his eyes still flitting around the kitchen, as the silence stretched. 

“What if it did?” he asked, and you tried to track what that could mean, but couldn’t place it.

“Sorry, what?” you asked, confused.

Javy shrugged, his posture casual, but you noticed his hands gripping the countertop behind him. 

“Mean something,” he said, before continuing as you shook your head, still confused. “My shirt. Our picture. What if…what if it meant something?”

The room felt like it’d been de-pressurized, like suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air and you couldn’t breathe. 

“What?” you managed again, your voice sounding like more of a squeak than your actual voice.

Javy didn’t move from the sink, merely lifting an eyebrow while he waited for you to process what he knew you understood he was asking. It made his forehead wrinkle, which was annoying, because he couldn’t be adorable while he was tilting your world off its axis. 

Your mouth felt dry and when you wet your lips, you felt Javy’s eyes dart down to watch your tongue as it slipped between your lips. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” you said, your voice sounding shaky, even to your own ears, “it was really sweet having breakfast with your mom. And today was fun. And like, it was a good kiss, but it’s been like twelve hours of faking it, we can’t—”

You stopped talking when Javy pushed away from the sink, his long legs crossing the room quickly. The laid back air of earlier was gone, replaced by an intensity that seemed to crackle the air, and you backed up as he walked closer to you. Your back hit the opposite wall and you yelped quietly, but Javy didn’t stop until he was right in front of you. 

He didn’t touch you, and you could’ve moved, but you both knew you wouldn’t. 

Not when he leaned his forearms against the wall behind your head, his large body caging you, and all you could see, all you could focus on, was him. 

“First of all,” he said, and his voice sounded different up close, like it rumbled out of him, “it wasn’t just good, and you know it.”

You knew what he meant, and his eyes darkened when you nodded, after a beat.

“Second,” Javy continued, in that same voice, and you shivered, “we’re pilots, not actors. Twelve hours…if that was all it was, neither of us would feel like this.”

You shook your head, knowing that if you let yourself imagine, just for a moment, it was going to hurt all the more. 

“You said you had no plans to ask me out,” you whispered, aiming for a cavalier tone but coming up short. “That this was just the easiest lie.”

“I’d take it back if I could,” he said quickly, and you read the honesty in his eyes. “But, look, I was panicking. I’d been telling Momma about you for months and then she showed up and I had to say something before she told you how much I…before you got freaked out. I didn’t know you felt the same thing I did.”

You both desperately needed, and were terrified of, what he’d been going to say. 

“This is wild,” you mumbled, your mind reeling. “You can see that, right?”

Javy smiled, the inevitable, gorgeous smile of his, and he lifted his chin a little bit. “Kiss me again.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

And you knew it wouldn’t solve anything, wouldn’t explain any of it, would probably complicate things further, but if the tradeoff was clarity or Javy’s mouth over yours, you knew what you were choosing. Your fingers curled into the front of his henley, pulling him down to you, and then you could feel that smile against your lips as he kissed you. 

It was different when you weren’t two steps above him, when one of Javy’s hands fell from the wall to hold the side of your face as he kissed you. His lips were so soft, and of course he was teasing you with it, his mouth brushing over yours with light chastity until you pulled harder at his shirt and he pressed closer to you, his lips parting. At the first sweep of his tongue, your knees literally weakened and you swayed into him, your bodies coming flush together. Kissing him was dizzying, dreamy, and when you came up for air, you thought this might be your favorite sight—beautiful Javy, from this close. 

You reached up to wipe at his mouth, where some of your chapstick had smudged, and he turned to press a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

“Told you,” you whispered, “Galahad.”

He laughed softly, another sound that was different up close, warm and deep and you wanted to hear it again. Unfortunately, Javy cleared his throat, kissing your forehead before standing up straight. 

“I should get back to base,” he said, regretful but responsible. And he was right, of course, because you had drills in the morning, and whatever was between the two of you could wait another day. 

“Stay,” you blurted.

You almost took it back, embarrassed of how needy it had sounded, but when you looked up at Javy, he looked almost as hopeful as you felt. 

“Snuggles?” he asked, and you pressed your lips together at how freaking adorable it was, that this enormous man lit up like a kid on Christmas at the thought of something so innocent.

“If you want,” you hedged, and Javy gave you a look like it wasn’t even a choice for him, before he thought it through. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said gently, “but, hell, I want to.”

You shook your head determinedly. “We won’t do anything. I don’t want to rush it, and today’s been a lot to add that, too... but it’d be nice to be together, without the pretending.”

You couldn’t believe you were practically begging the man to stay and just cuddle, but also it was Javy Machado. You’d do a hell of a lot more than beg, if push came to shove. 

You could see him deliberating, and you decided you might as well throw in a final desperate bid. 

“And you can give me a ride to base in the morning,” you added, “so I don’t have to catch the bus.”

Javy chuckled, before nodding seriously. 

“Well, when you put it like that, it’s only practical,” he said. “The rational choice.”

“I’m a very rational person,” you said. “That’s why they pay me the big bucks to be a WSO.”

Javy blinked. “Do they—”

“They definitely don’t,” you laughed. “It’s off of rank, same as the rest of the Navy.”

He rolled his eyes, but followed you obediently deeper into the apartment. 

You showed him where extra toothbrushes and toiletries were in the bathroom, and offered his shirt back, which he adamantly refused. He ended up grabbing a nondescript Navy shirt from the pile, which you were pretty sure was Jake’s, but didn’t want to comment on, since it seemed deliberate that he hadn’t asked. 

Being in the same squadron, and being based in San Diego, there was a level of physical awareness that you two had passed months ago, so it was oddly anticlimactic to be sharing space as you brushed your teeth and got ready for bed. 

Which is why the nerves, as soon as you and Javy settled into your bed, surprised you.

It was dumb, because you knew you had nothing to be nervous over. You’d both already agreed nothing else was happening tonight, you should be tired enough to just be chill about this. But as soon as your back hit the mattress, it felt like someone had injected straight caffeine into your veins and you couldn’t lie still.

Javy’s arm was under your head and you’d turned slightly into him, but suddenly your feet needed to be out of the comforter. Or maybe you needed to lie on your other side. Or the top sheet felt weird on your skin, or you weren’t sure if—

“Cross,” Javy sounded like he was trying not to laugh, “I’m gonna leave if you don’t lie still.”

You winced at the ceiling, disengaging so you could put just a few inches between the two of you. You felt yourself relaxing, like some weird performance anxiety, after he’d been so excited to hold you. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled, “it’s just—”

“A dream come true, I know,” he sighed, like it was a heavy burden to bear, and you swung halfheartedly in his direction. Your hand swatted at the comforter over his chest, and you could feel the bed shaking as Javy chuckled. 

“Unfamiliar,” you revised, “is what I was going to say.”

Javy hummed, and you both knew his answer was closer to the truth, but he was kind enough to drop it. 

You shifted slightly, settling more deeply into the bedding, trying to tell your body it was comfortable so it could just be still. But even with the distance, every inch of you seemed hyper aware of the fact that Javy freaking Machado was literally in your bed. You knew you’d made the right call earlier, that you didn’t want to rush this, and everything else rational…but you were only human, damnit, and you were too curious to drift off to sleep. 

You chanced a peek at Javy, at what little you could see of him in the dark of the room. 

He was on his back, facing the ceiling, his hands folded over the top of the comforter like it was a sitcom from the 60s. His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling rhythmically with his deep breaths, perfectly at ease. Except…if what he’d said last night was true, he should’ve been as ill at ease as you were, sharing a bed with someone. 

“Can I ask you something?” you asked quietly.

“Ah, sure,” Javy said, still sounding amused. “Not like we’re sleeping till you’re tired out.” 

“Okay, well—” you huffed, but Javy lifted a hand from the comforter placatingly. 

“I kid,” he said. “Honestly, we should all be impressed that I’m staying PG and not slipping into a ‘well, I can think of an easy way to tire you out’ line of thought.”

Your mouth snapped shut; you hadn’t even considered that. 

Javy shifted and the comforter crinkled as he cleared his throat. “Okay, neither of us can think too hard about that; ask your question.”

You hesitated for a moment, kind of enjoying the comfortable silence of the room. You turned your body to follow your head, settling on your side with your arm between the pillow and your head, before you asked, “Why hasn’t there been anyone since the Academy?”

Javy didn’t freeze, didn’t pull in a deep breath or tense up, but you felt his surprise, all the same. “Sure you don’t want a happier bedtime story?” he asked, his voice carrying a kind of hesitation that was new to you. 

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want,” you hedged, meaning it. “I can think of another one.”

You watched his jaw tense, and then he shook his head, just once. “Is it crazy that I want to tell you?”

You weren’t sure, but you did know that it felt an awful lot like trust, and you wanted that more than you wanted to know the story. Javy was fiddling with the end of the comforter, and the motion reminded you of the straw wrapper at Harry’s so you reached for him.

His movement didn’t break, he just accepted your hand and enveloped it in his. He wove the fingers of one hand between yours, and with the other he traced along the tendons on the back of your hand.  

“There’ve been folks since Academy,” he said, slowly, like the conversation had to pick up steam. “Just no one I’ve introduced back to Momma. You know how it is, how you can always find someone for the night. I found it was…easier. To keep it that way. No expectations, no strings, just fun. No one gets hurt that way.”

His slow motion of his fingers over the back of your hand was soothing, tracing patterns an retracing them with another finger. 

“You got hurt before?” you asked softly, watching Javy’s nostrils flare slightly as he processed the question. 

“I hurt someone,” he said, quietly.

You doubted the distinction was mutually exclusive, but you stayed quiet as you waited for him to continue. 

“We met when I was at Annapolis and she was at St Johns. She was from up North, so she was like no one I’d met in Louisiana. On a law track, in a sorority, all that. And we were…serious.”

He paused, and you could tell he was trying to decide how much to tell you.

“Pick out a ring, serious?” you prompted.

The pause lingered, before Javy traced down the fourth finger on your hand, saying quietly. “Put a down payment on one, serious.” 

It shouldn’t have surprised you. 

You tried to envision a younger version of Javy, bright-eyed and fresh at the academy, planning his life out, with conviction. That part hadn’t changed, Javy’s calm assurance, and you could envision some paralegal from Connecticut being absolutely swept away by him. 

“I got my first post, in Norfolk,” Javy continued. “She got into Law School at William and Mary, and we had a little place in the middle. Painted the kitchen yellow, had a hell of a fight with the landlord over it. We had window boxes with flowers; we couldn’t keep anything alive in there, winters were too cold, but we tried every spring.” 

It sounded idyllic, how he described it, and you could hear a painful undercurrent of longing in his voice as he told you about it. Like even now, it hurt how perfect it’d been. 

“What happened?” you asked, gently.

You watched Javy’s profile shift as his nose scrunched up, in answer to that question. 

“I had an accident, one day, flying—I made it, my wingman too, but the plane was rubble.They called her to meet me at the hospital and I remember when they let her in to see me; she was so quiet. She’d been real worried, I guess, and seemed pretty upset…I thought she might’ve missed an important lecture, or something, I don’t know, but it was weird.”

You frowned, squeezing his hand. “Surely a lecture wasn’t more important than being there for you.”

“Nah, she wouldn’t have thought that,” he said, then laughed wryly. “No, that wasn’t what she was upset about. When they discharged me a couple days later, and I got back to the apartment it was half empty. I remember walking in, and she was sitting on the hearth, one last cardboard box by her feet.”

You squeezed his hand again, hating that you knew where the story was going. Didn’t everyone who shared your employer?

“Yeah,” Javy sighed. “Uh, and she was right, you know, it wasn’t fair. If I’d died that day, she would’ve been stranded in Virginia, and every time I went up in the air, she was going to have to wonder if this was the time I left her for good.”

A dozen responses flash through your head, but you bit your tongue, before answering carefully. 

“Flying isn’t something you do against someone,” you said evenly. “No one plans on burning in.” 

“I know,” Javy said, and you hated how his voice had taken on this detached quality, like this speech was one he’d given himself hundreds of times. “But it’s selfish to ask someone to love you with all that on the line, and ask her to carry that fear. I get it, it was too much, so…yeah. I get it.”

He hadn’t stopped tracing over your hand, and your heart broke for younger Javy. How he must’ve felt standing in that empty apartment, as the woman he’d planned the rest of his life with left because she was scared. How blindsided and guilty, and clearly holding that guilt years later, as he relayed that story to you. 

“Run that last bit by me again?” you asked.

Javy looked at you. “It’s selfish to ask someone to love you with all—”

“Yep, that part,” you interrupted. “One more time?”

You knew Javy knew what you were getting to, because he didn’t repeat himself again. 

“You know what I mean,” he mumbled.

“You know what I mean,” you retorted. “Not everyone can take what we do, and that’s fine. But that’s something you hash out on a third date, when you talk about career plans and make sure your lives line up. Not when you’ve dated through college, have a home together, and when you get a call from the hospital. That’s when you need support, not for someone to ask themselves a question they should’ve asked years ago. Like. I’m sorry, but that’s a shitty thing to do.”

The room was quiet for a moment, and you wondered if you’d overstepped. Obviously you didn’t know the entire ins and outs of the relationship, but let’s face it, you were always going to take Javy’s defense against some WASPy lawyer. 

Or, as far as you knew, a wannabe lawyer. 

With her staying power, maybe she didn’t even pass the bar.

You let out a long breath, trying to release your animosity with it. 

“Thank you,” Javy said quietly.

And you were sure there was a lot you could’ve phrased better, maybe held your tongue on, but you didn’t. Instead, you told your restless body to get over itself and slid back across the bed, into Javy’s side. He kept his hold on your hand over the blankets, but you tucked yourself against his torso, more determined to be comforting than comfortable.

“You’re not selfish for asking someone to love you, Jay,” you said, your voice muffled by his tshirt. “And I think you deserve someone whom you don’t have to ask.” 

He didn’t say anything, but a moment later, you felt him shift, before he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. You felt the both of you settle, either lightened from the sharing of his past or from the relief of holding each other, and sleep came easily, this time around.

//

tagging: people who haven't told me to stop and people who interacted with ch1: @mxgyver @princessphilly @hangmanbrainrot @roosterforme @blowmymbackout @datemephoenix @fuckyeahhangman @lt-bradshaw @double-j @callsignvalley @sebsxphia @javihoney @rosiahills22 @andrewrussgarfield @teacupsandtopgun @katiedid-3 @beyondthesefourwalls @gretagerwigsmuse @auroraboreallisfine @bioodforbiood @m1ssmunson @rassvetsky @desert-fern @et-homephone @letskeepthislo-ki

[forever-rogue]

Javi and Dulzura taking the kids grocery shopping and Dulzura leaves Javi with the kids(maybe she takes the youngest with her in like a baby carrier cause that’s just cute) because she forgot something a couple isles over and someone tried flirting with Javi cause they’re thinking “oh hot single dad” but Dulzura shows up just in time and is like nope.

AN | Oh yeah, but no. No one messes with Javi when Dulzura is around! Can be read as a stand alone or part of the ‘verse! ❤️

Pairing | Javier x Fem!Reader 

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Main, Javier, A Good Man ‘Verse

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Javier!” you sighed as you looked through the fridge for a third time before turning back to the pantry and finding that it was just as empty as the fridge. This was definitely not good.

“What’s wrong, Dulzura?” he made his way into the kitchen, a smile on his face as he found you standing there with your hands on your hips, “I didn’t do it.”

“Oh? You don’t eat in this house anymore?” you snorted in amusement as you motioned for him to come closer. He raised an eyebrow as he came over and gave you a kiss, “we’re running dangerously low on groceries.”

“Uh oh,” he took a quick look through everything before groaning slightly, “we’re going to have to go to the store.”

“We have to go to the store,” you confirmed as a few shrieks of joy reached you from the living room, “and I think we’re going to have to take the gaggle with us.”

“The gaggle?” he couldn’t help but laugh as you nodded seriously.

“They’re like baby geese honking and running all over the place,” despite your best efforts you weren’t able to keep the smile off your face, “therefore they are our little gaggle of geese. And you’re Father Goose.”

“Does that make you Mother Goose?” he put a hand on your waist and pulled closer to his body, before wrapping you up in a tight hug.

“Nope,” you could feel him smiling against your lips, “I’m Queen Goose, and you’re all my loyal subjects.”

“And I would never dare to cross you,” he promised, taking a moment to kiss you properly, “do you think we’ll survive?”

“I can put Bella in her carrier and the others will be okay,” the two of you grimaced for a moment. It wasn’t that you didn’t love your children - you absolutely did, more than anything - but they were a lot. A whole lot, “they’re good kids. They’ll listen…they’ve been good before.”

“And we can incentivize with ice cream,” he suggested as you nodded.

“Like that was a question,” you grinned, “whatever it takes.”

“When should we go?”

“We’re going to have to feed them soon,” you playfully sighed, “unless you’ve got something else that you need to do first?”

“Never,” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head and that made you smile softly. He was always so tender and gentle with you, even after all these years, “you and the gaggle are always my number one priority.”

“Oh cielito,” you beamed at him, making his knees weak, “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he promised, “now, let’s get everyone rounded up and get going. I have a feeling this is going to be quite an adventure.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Alright,” you and Javier jumped out of the car to quickly go over the game plan for grocery shopping. When you had a family of seven, planning was a must. It gave you some pause for a moment as you took in the scene in front of you. A large SUV filled with children and a hot husband  that were all yours. You’d never imagined that this would be your life, even when you’d first started your relationship with Javier this was never anything you’d imagined. But you wouldn’t change a thing either.

“You have your list?” you asked as he pulled the paper with the groceries he was going to procure out of his pocket. You mirrored him and held up your list, “okay, I’ll start with the kids, and then we’ll meet in the middle and swap.”

“And you’re okay with taking Bella?” 

“Yup - she’ll be strapped to my chest so she’s not going anymore,” you were very proud of your little plan, “but she’s also eight months old so she's not really going anywhere either way. You can get her next time.”

“Sounds like a deal, Dulzura,” he put his hand on your face and brushed his thumb over cheek, “you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you could hear the small giggles from inside the car. That alone made your heart soft, “let’s get this done so we can all get some ice cream.”

“Now that sounds perfect,” he opened the back door so the two of you could start getting the kids out. Lucia hopped out, along with Diego who was much more tactful than his older sister. They clambered over to Javi as you took Bella out of her car seat and into the carrier you had on your chest. She cooed happily as you got her settled before you each grabbed out one of the twins. 

“Oh my little loves,” you grinned at them, trying to hold back your internal squeals. As they stood by Javi, you could see just how much they all seemed to take after him with their dark hair and soft eyes and bright smiles. You liked to joke that you did all the hard work with carrying them and birthing them and they betrayed you by taking after their father. Except for Bella who definitely took more after you. But you loved them all beyond words, “we are going to go grocery shopping so we can have food at home - and if you’re all good, we can go get ice cream afterwards and go to the park. What do you guys think?”

You were met with little cheers and bright smiles; alright - you had them reeled in.

“You’re going to go with your mamá,” Javier affectionately ruffled Lucia’s curls and then later on you’ll come with me. Si?”

“Si papá,” Lucia and Diego chirped happily as the twins nodded. 

“Inside voices please and stay close, okay? And remember your manners,” you gave Javi a look and he silently responded. The two of you didn’t even have to verbalize conversations anymore, you were so in sync, “okay, let’s go then kiddos! And no running either, por favor!”

“Good luck, Dulzura,” Javi punctuated his statement with a kiss as you both grabbed shopping carts, “if you want to trade off early, just say the word.”

“You’re a good man, amor,” you whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” and he gave your bum a small pinch which made your eyes widen as you tried to quiet your giggles, “and that never gets old.”

“Javier.”

“See you soon,” with that, he took off towards the other end of the store to start on his list. 

You shook your head with a fond smile as Bella babbled away, “your father is impossible, I swear. But luckily for all of you, you’re all so cute!”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your children were definitely small agents of chaos, but you had to admit that they definitely listened and listened well when asked to. One would think that Javier, former DEA agent Javier, would have been the more strict parent, but if anything, it was definitely you. Luckily, there weren’t many times you had to pull out the strict mom card too often.

"Mamá?" Diego was at your side as his sisters and brother were up ahead, excitedly looking at all the bright packaging on the shelves.

"Yes, my love?" You reached down and touched his little cheek, "everything alright?"

"Mhmm," he grabbed your hand with his much smaller one, "can we get cookies?"

"Cookies?" You playfully scoffed at him as he grinned at you shyly, "you want cookies?"

"Yes please," there came your favorite little gap toothed grin, "I like the oreos! Abuelo likes them too."

"Well I can't say no to you and abuelo," you put a hand on your heart, "we can get some cookies, but you have to share with everyone."

"Even with Bella?"

"Maybe not Bella," the baby in question was already asleep again, "but your other sisters and brother and papá."

"Okay," he nodded eagerly as he padded up ahead to where he could see the telltale blue packaging. 

At the end of the aisle you saw Javier pop up and you felt yourself relaxing. He leaned against the cart and offered you a cheeky little wink accompanied by a wave. You stuck your tongue out in response as he shook his head fondly.

"Doing alright?" He asked when you made your way down the aisle. 

"Not a single hair on their heads harmed, no missing kids, and no meltdowns," you grinned as the kids all studied the different types of oreos that were available, "I promised your son some oreos. Made a sucker right out of me."

"My son?"

"Yes," you confirmed fervently, "when he makes a sucker out of me, he's your son. Other times I will take half credit for him."

"What about the others?" 

"They can be ours. But they're on thin ice!"

"You, Dulzura, are something else," he whispered before stealing a kiss. Lucia had gotten to the age where she called you both out for any sort of PDA. Diego was out at any age where he naturally agreed with his older sister. The twins were still young enough to be unbothered, "my turn?"

"Yes Daddy," you teased as his eyebrows shot up in amusement. It was your turn to wink at him as you herded the kids over to him, "all yours!"

"Two can play that game baby," you shrugged innocently, "I'll see you at the registers."

"See you soon!"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were walking the rest of your half of the grocery store in peace, enjoying a few quiet moments to yourself. They were far and few in between - no complaints on your part - but nice when you got them. Bella remained sleepy, drifting in and out of a little nap, but that didn't stop you from speaking quietly to her. She was such a happy baby and so calm and sweet; she was more like Diego than her sisters and other brother. They were all unique in their own special ways.

"Alright mija," you grabbed the last of your fresh produce and set it in the cart, crossing the items off your list. You were finished now and even earlier than anticipated, "let's go see if papá needs help."

You made your way to the other end of the store, grabbing a few things that looked good on the way - going shopping when hungry was never a good idea.

You spotted Thea from around the corner and attempted to follow her to Javier when you heard him speaking to someone. It definitely wasn't one of the kids, so you wondered if it was someone you knew.

"Look at those curls," the voice was high pitched and screeching, causing you to cringe. This was definitely not someone you knew, "what beautiful children!"

"Thanks, I-"

"They're all so precious," well then, this was interesting if nothing else. You could just imagine Javier's face, "they look like you. What are their names?"

"I, ugh, ma'am-"

"I'm Lucia," you were giggling now, listening to your daughter speak up, "that's my sister Thea, that's Diego, and that's Santiago but we all call him Santi. We have a baby sister too, her name's Bella."

"You are just sweet as pie," you edged towards the end of the aisle to peek around, "and your daddy is just as sweet…and handsome!"

"Umm…"

"And to think, you're raising them on your own!" okay, now you were getting annoyed. She looked exactly like you imagined, box blonde with over the top makeup, too much plastic surgery and an outrageous outfit. And she had the audacity to flirt with your husband in front of your children! You looked at his hand and he was definitely wearing his wedding band, "you know there's something so attractive about a single father."

"I'm not-"

"I can't even imagine everything you have to go through," she put her manicured hand over her heart, "you know if you ever need anything-"

"Hello, my love!" You slapped on the biggest grin you could manage as you sauntered over to him. Relief flooded his features as soon as he saw, along with the heart eyes he always seemed to watch you, “I was looking for you! We got separated.”

“H-hey baby,” he sounded so thankful that it caused you to shoot him a quick wink, “glad you found us.”

“Me too,” you walked over and gave him a big kiss, careful not to squish the baby, “I hate being separated from you, even if its just for a few minutes. Oh, hello. And you are?”

“Millie,” her entire face fell as she looked you over. You could tell she wasn’t expecting a wife, let alone you, “y-you’re-”

“I’m his wife,” you confirmed with a sticky sweet smile, “and the mother of all of his children.”

“O-oh, I didn’t mean to…imply anything,” but yeah, you weren’t buying that for a moment.

“Oh? Well, he’s wearing a wedding ring and clearly not interested,” you were enjoying this a little too much, “but thank you for your comments on my children. They are very adorable and sweet. But we can handle them on our own, sweetie. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No,” and with that, she turned the corner and you could hear her high heels shuffling away. You let out a heavy sigh before turning back to face Javier. You weren’t quite sure what reaction you were supposed to be expecting, but it wasn’t the smug, proud expression he wore. 

“What was that?” he asked, as he watched the kids look at everything on shelves. He took a step closer to you and put a hand on your hip and gave it a gentle squeeze, “Dulzura.”

“It wasn’t anything,” you replied simply with a shrug, “I was just making sure she knows who you belong to. And to stay away from my children.”

“You’re always sexy, you know that,” he whispered close to your ear, “you’re even sexier when you’re jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous,” you put your hand on his cheek and patted it playfully, “there’s nothing to be jealous of. You’re mine and everyone knows that. You know that.”

“I do,” he promised, “I am yours. I’ve always been yours, from the day we met.”

“Hmmm,” you mused as you pressed a kiss to his lips, “good man, Javier. I’m yours too, you know.”

“I know,” he growled as you smiled.

“Glad we’re on the same page,” you grinned, “if I ever see another woman try to make a move on you, I won’t be as nice. She caught me on a good day.”

“I doubt that’ll happen again-”

“I doubt that,” you insisted, “you’re fine as hell, Javier. Just because you refuse to see it, doesn’t mean it’s not true. You really don’t notice how all these women look at you, do you?”

“Nope,” he looked so proud of him, “because I’ve only got eyes for one woman.”

“You always know exactly what to say,” you sighed wistfully as you looked him over, “I am going to take care of you tonight, amor. Let me show you how much I love you.”

“Baby,” he groaned slightly at your insinuation, “I want to-”

“Papá!” Lucia waved at him from down the aisle, “come here!”

You laughed softly as he closed his eyes and let out a small groan. You gave him a quick kiss before nudging him towards his daughter. 

“This isn’t finished,” he whispered to you as raised an eyebrow, “I mean it, Dulzura.”

“I’m counting on that, cielito.”

“Papá! Hurry!”

[flightlessangelwings]

Feels Good To Be Alone With You

Javi Gutierrez x afab!reader (smut with no pronoun use, no use of y/n)

Word count- 2.7k

Warnings- smut (18+ only!), oral (both receiving), face sitting, fingering, pegging, praise kink, cum eating, established relationship, feelings, soft romantic sex, no plot really, switching dynamics but more of a subby Javi, hinted reader is more thicker but can be read any way

Notes- I have wanted to write this since before the movie was released but I never had more than just vibes until recently. And I always seem to write tender, romantic sex with Javi G lol! But he deserves it! And I’m so happy with how this turned out! Enjoy! Also pspspsps @mikeisthricedeceased 😘

@flightlessangelwings-updates​ is my update blog to follow and turn on post notifications to stay up to date on when I post

~

“Come here mi angel,” Javi purred as his hands caressed your hips. The bright smile on his face melted you into a puddle as you straddled his waist. 

“A-Are you sure, Javi?” your voice was just a whisper.

The fire burned behind his dark brown eyes and the certainty was plain in his face and in his tone, “I am, corazon,” Javi gave your hips a gentle squeeze, “Now, come sit on my face and let me taste you,” he groaned your name as he nudged you forward up his body.

You swallowed hard, but you trusted Javi more than anyone, and when he looked at you with those big eyes, you were weak against him. “Ok,” you breathed as you leaned forward and ran your hands along his chest, “Anything for you, mi amor.”

Javi groaned against your lips as you pressed yours against them. Immediately, he parted his lips for you and invited your tongue in. Heat rose in the room as you rocked your hips against his while your hands caressed his chest and your tongue explored his mouth, tasting him. Javi held you close as you pressed your body against his, and both of you savored the warmth of the other.

Hearts beat wildly against each other as desperation quickly rose between you. From the moment you crossed the threshold into Javi’s lavish bedroom, his hands were on your body, and clothes quickly flew off of both of you until you both landed naked on Javi’s bed, you on top of him. It had been too long since you had seen each other, and not a day went by when you were parted that you didn’t think of him. And Javi missed you more and more every day you were apart.

Now that you were back together, Javi wanted… needed to taste you and kiss you all over. And you had no objections. 

“You taste exquisite, mi amor,” Javi moaned against your lips as he chased them when you broke away for air, “But I’d like to kiss somewhere else now,” he added with a cheeky grin.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “You’re insufferable, Javi,” you playfully chastised him, “But I can never say no to you.”

With that, you gave his pecs one last squeeze before you slowly shimmied yourself up his body. Javi groaned and you felt his cock twitch against your ass before you inched your way up. You shook from nerves; this was the first time he asked something like this of you. Javi loved eating you out, but usually you were on your back or on all fours when he did. This was new. And though you were nervous, you were also excited. And from the eager look on his face and the way he licked his lips with anticipation, you could tell Javi was excited too.

“That’s it cariño,” he cooed as his hands ran up and down your body. He let out a soft moan as he felt the slick from your pussy against his bare chest, and it only made him that much more desperate to taste you. 

It felt like hours to make your way up, but in reality it was only seconds. But when your thighs framed Javi’s beautiful face and you looked down, your breath hitched in your chest. Javi’s large hands gripped your thighs tightly, as if he was afraid you would run away if he let go. And the fiery passion in his eyes burned bright as he looked up at you.

“Perfecte,” he grinned as he nosed your folds, “I have missed you, amor.”

The whimper that escaped your lips sounded more pathetic than you ever thought you would sound as Javi’s nose made contact with your clit. Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned forward and braced yourself against the head of the bed. You heard Javi whisper your name as he placed a feather light kiss on your pussy and gave your legs a reassuring squeeze.

Before you could say anything back, Javi darted his tongue out and immediately lapped and sucked at your pussy with abandon. Any thoughts you had vanished as your whole world became consumed with just Javi. Your mind swam in pleasure as you threw your head back and moaned loudly, covering the sounds of his greedy slurps. 

“Oh fuck,” you cried out as his tongue swirled along your folds, hitting every sensitive spot with precision. 

Javi hummed into your body as he tightened his grip on your and devoured you hungrily. His crock strained with need as he darted his tongue in and out of your pussy a few times before he licked his way up to your clit. Javi wrapped his lips around the sensitive spot and sucked hard, determined to send you over the edge. And when your moans grew louder, he knew he found just the right spot.

“Javi!” you screamed as one of your hands landed in his hair and tugged hard, “Fuck I’m gonna…”

As you rocked your hips against his face, you came hard, tugging on Javi’s hair as you did so. You scream echoed in the room as your body trembled from the intensity of your climax. And Javi never let up; he kept flicking at your clit with his tongue until he was sure you had no more left to give.

Completely spent, you collapsed down to your side, landing on the plush mattress next to Javi, who laid on his back with a glistening chin and a huge smile on his face. Heavy sighs escaped both your lips as you opened your eyes and met Javi’s gaze. The two of you laid still for a moment before you both burst into laughter and you scooted your way to wrap your arms around him.

“Enjoy that, corazon?” Javi asked as he nuzzled his nose against your face and placed soft kisses on your skin.

“Very much,” you sighed contently before you pushed yourself up, “Now it’s your turn,” your tone dropped as you started to push yourself down so you could wrap your lips around Javi’s cock and return the favor.

But Javi stopped you with a firm grip and a sharp look in his eyes.

“Javi…?”

“Wait, amor,” he pushed himself up onto his elbows so he was level with you, “I want you to do something for me,” he caressed your face as he looked at you with those big eyes.

“What is it, Javi?” you asked, your voice so hushed you barely even heard yourself. 

He glanced at you before he got up from the bed and rummaged in his dresser drawer. You watched with a puzzled expression before he turned around and showed you what he fished out. You recognized it right away: a dildo and a harness. Neither of you spoke as Javi sat back on the bed next to you.

“Will you do me the honors, corazon?” Javi asked with a slight pout and big eyes.

You let out a heavy breath as you laid your hands on his, “Of course, Javi,” you looked up and met his gaze and both of you let out another deep breath, “Do you have lube too?”

His face lit up, “Of course!”

Javi quickly reached for the lube in his nightstand drawer as you stood and slid on the harness. Surprisingly, it fit you perfectly, sitting right on your pelvis and resting snug around your legs. Javi gasped when he turned around and saw you before he practically leapt onto the bed and laid out on his back.

“Fuck, amor,” the excitement in his voice was plain, “I am going to have to eat you out again when you are done here.”

You couldn’t help but cackle at Javi’s comment, “Let’s see if you have the energy to, mi amor,” your voice dropped again as you leaned forward and hovered yourself over him, “Shouldn’t you be on your hands and knees though?” you turned more serious for a moment, “It shouldn’t hurt as much that way for your first time.”

Javi smirked, “You assume this is my first time, corazon…”

Your eyes went wide, yet you weren’t completely surprised. This was the first time Javi asked you to peg him yes, but that didn’t mean it was his first time at all. 

“Besides,” Javi’s voice broke you out of your thoughts, “I want to see you when you fuck me.” 

The moan you let out made Javi’s cock twitch and suddenly a rush of need pulsed through both of you. “Ok mi amor,” you whispered as you caressed his face much like the way he did yours.

Javi leaned into your touch and his eyes fluttered shut. He let out a deep exhale as he kissed the palm of your hand before you dragged it down the front of his body. Goosebumps erupted on his skin as you grazed your nails softly across his chest before you traced a random pattern along his stomach. Neither of you spoke, but you both felt the nervous and excited energy from each other.

Slowly, you ran the tips of your fingers along his length, teasing him. Javi groaned as his head dropped onto the mattress as he involuntarily bucked his hips into your touch, desperate for more. Not wanting to tease him much more, grabbed the bottle of lube and coated your fingers generously before you wrapped one hand around his cock. You tossed the bottle onto the bed and positioned your other hand at his entrance, poking the tip of your finger at the first ring of muscle.

You watched Javi’s every expression as you carefully pushed one lube-coated finger inside, and a rush of wetness gushed between your legs when he moaned loudly. “Fuck…” you breathed as you pumped you finger in and out a few times.

“More… Corazon…” he begged.

You lazily stocked his cock in time with your finger as you added a second. Suddenly you understood why Javi was always so eager to ravage you and give in to your every request; you couldn’t say no to him even if you wanted to. You leaned forward and placed a feather light kiss to the tip of his cock as you added a third finger, stretching him open for what was to come.

Javi groaned your name as his eyes rolled back into his head. This was far from his first time doing this, but it was different with you. Every touch felt more electric, as if any thrust of your fingers would push him over the edge. And the tender way you handled him made his heart skip a beat. Yet, Javi held off his orgasm, desperate to feel the way you fucked him with your fake cock.

“Amor… Please…” Javi pleaded breathily.

“I’ve got you, Javi,” you murmured softly as you took the tip of him into your mouth and swirled your tongue around as you buried your fingers in as deep as you could go. But, you also knew what he wanted, so after just a few moments, you broke away and carefully pulled your fingers out.

Javi blinked his eyes open as he watched you grab the lube once more. Feeling his eyes on you, you met his gaze and never broke away as you coated the toy generously, making a show of stroking the dildo.

“You look so fucking hot like that, corazon,” Javi moaned as you tossed the bottle aside again, “Now, please… Please fuck me.”

“Javi…” you breathed as you lined the toy up and slowly pushed in.

The cry he let out echoed in the room as you pushed the toy into him inch by delicious inch. And though you had no other stimulation other than the base of it against the mound of your pelvis, the harness just barely tickling your clit, you felt as if you could feel everything. The way he moaned in pleasure sent a wave of arousal to your core, and you couldn’t help but groan softly as the toy disappeared inside your lover. 

Javi moaned your name as you completely sheathed the dildo inside of him and leaned over so that you laid on top of him. You pleased a line of kisses along his skin wherever you could reach as you gave him a moment to adjust to the girth of the toy. Between your bodies, you felt Javi’s cock strain with need, and as he said your name again in a desperate plea, you knew he was ready. 

Pushing yourself upright, you made yourself comfortable before you rocked your hips back, pulling the toy out halfway before you slammed back into him. Javi moaned loudly as he arched his back as you repeated the action.

“Fuck!” he screamed as you picked up your pace and wrapped your hand around his cock.

He wanted nothing more than to watch you, but every time Javi opened his eyes, a fresh wave of pleasure pulled through him with every movement of your hips and he couldn’t keep them open for long. Instead, he just let you take care of him, trusting his body, and his heart, to you completely. 

“Amor… I…”

“I know baby,” you cooed as you felt his cock twitch in your hand, “Fuck Javi you look so beautiful like this.” You had no idea where that came from, but the praise spilled from your lips before you even knew what you were saying, “You’re taking me so well, amor,” your tone dropped as you picked up your pace, slamming your hips against his, “Now let me see you cum, Javi…”

The groan Javi let out came from deep in his soul and he reached out for you before he came hard with your name on his lips. His hands dug into your flesh as his seed spilled between your bodies in a powerful climax. Javi’s body felt like it was on fire from how hot he burned, but he didn’t care. He would burn his entire complex, the whole country, the whole world, down for you. Especially when you fucked him like that.

When Javi let out a soft whimper and his cock strained in your hand, you knew he had enough. Just as slowly as you entered him, you slowed your pace until you carefully slid the dildo out of him. Javi whined softly as you did so, but you quickly chucked the harness off and tossed it onto the bed so you could lay next to him. Without even opening his eyes, Javi felt your body next to his and he immediately took you into his arms as he kissed you all over.

“Fuck, corazon… That was fucking incredible!”

When Javi finally opened his eyes, he saw the look of pure adoration on his face… and he also noticed that you still had his cum all over your hands. Without a word and with a smirk on your face, you slowly brought your hand up to your lips and made a spectacle of licking your fingers clean of his release.

Javi growled as the fire ignited behind his eyes again, “You are trying to kill me tonight, aren’t you amor?”

“Never, Javi,” you replied back with a grin. Once your hand was clean, you leaned forward and kissed him deeply. You swallowed the groan Javi let out as he tasted himself on your tongue, and it drove him wild. When you broke away, you laid comfortably against him, the two of you tangled up together in a pile of limbs and love. “Are you alright?” you asked as you stocked his chest lazily.

“Never fucking better, amor.”

You heard the smile in his tone.

“Gracias, amor,” he added in a hushed tone as he kissed your head.

You grinned against his skin as you savored the feeling of being in his arms once more and listened to his heart pound in his chest, “So,” you broke the silence, “You still have the energy to eat me out again?” you asked with a playful testing tone in your voice. 

Javi laughed, “You did wear me out, corazon,” he admitted as he gave you a squeeze, “But give me a little time… I’ll get you back,” he added with another kiss to your temple.

“Looking forward to it, mi amor,” you joined his laughter, “Looking forward to it.” 

~

Tagging fic archive blogs- @pedrostories @littlemisspascal @pascalisthepunkest​

[katiesharms]

15 and Macheresin, thank you so much in advance 😊

cruel summer - taylor swift and i screamed for whatever it's worth/i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

this wasn't supposed to happen.

it was supposed to be a summer of meaningless fun, blowing off steam while they got their wings like they did everything else, together.

but now, javy is in love with his best friend.

it started innocently enough, with a drunk proposition at the kickoff party in pensacola. soon, they were spending every night crawling into each other's bunks, fucking the struggles of the day away.

in all their years of friends, they've never even so much as kissed. javy's thought about it, on and off. jake's one of the most handsome people javy's ever seen and sometimes, it seems like it'd be easy. but they've never crossed that invisible line until now.

flight training is almost like summer camp, except everyone can drink. it's what javy blames the breaking down of their boundaries on. it's easy to ride the adrenaline high of being in the air straight to bed. at first, javy attributes it to needing a way to burn the residual energy of the day. but soon, it becomes clear that it's something else, something more. at least for him.

the thing is, they've been best friends for four years, ever since the naval academy randomly paired them up and javy saw a boy aching for love in the worst way and found he could finally put all of his extra somewhere.

jake spends every holiday, all of his leaves, and a good deal of his weekends with the machados. when he first started coming around, jake was sheepish, worried he was imposing. after javy reassured him that that could never be the case, jake shed that shyness. now, he has no qualms about showing up at javy's, about spending all their time together.

javy takes pride in having jake as his best friend. most people see him and flinch, bow to his barbed exterior and rough edges. it took a while, but javy's worked his way under them, to the tender heart of the matter that is jake seresin. not everyone gets to hear jake's quietly whispered jokes or know that if you call him at 3 in the morning, he'll always pick up.

he's spent four years chipping away at jake's exterior, and now javy knows every part of him. his snorting laugh he only does in private, how he gets sad on his birthday every year, the way he moans, soft and sweet, in bed. it's everything and not enough all at once. javy has more of jake than anyone ever has and he still wants more, he still wants all of it.

but javy knows jake doesn't want this. jake, for all that he is, is ambitious over everything else. driven to a fault, he won't let anything stand in his way. it's what javy admires about him, and it's what javy knows will keep him from returning his feelings. jake will chose the sky over love any day of the week, and javy can't blame him, not when he would've made the same decision a few months ago.

this thing between them, therefore, has an expiration date. sooner or later, they'll stop the benefits part of their relationship. jake will move on, if he ever was even stuck in any way, and javy won't. because he loves jake, and isn't that the worst thing in the world?

[writefightandflightclub]

Luna’s December ‘21 Fic Rec List: Oscar fandom, Pedro fandom + Triple Frontier 🧡

Still catching up with my monthly rec lists! November’s is here.

I wrote this on a train sorry for any mistakes.

I didn’t read or write a ton during December but I’m sharing the amazing stories I was able to read and reblog below!

Please do give them a read and show some love to these amazing creators! Not kidding when I say it could really make someone’s day (At least- I know that’s how happy I feel if I get a kind comment or RB 😆🧡)!

Please see individual fics for warnings and ratings. Many of the blogs (including mine) are 18+

Benny Miller

Burning, by @itssmashedavo

Benny Miller x f!reader

This is a follow-up to the phenomenal Wildfire. I love both parts so much I can’t even tell you. Reader fights wildfires and it feels like Benny is one (he’s written so blazing and warm in this two-parter) which is maybe why she feels so perfect a match with him. This series is one of my absolute fave takes on Benny that I’ve read so far, AND reader is so fleshed out I’m fascinated by her too. Can’t recommend (both parts) enough! In this one I especially loved the insights into Benny and Will’s relationship too.

Oscar characters

Holiday Traditions, by @youvebeenlivingfictional

Jonathan (SFaM) x reader

I love all of Dany’s stuff. I’m terrible at keeping up with series, in general (Dany has so many super creative ideas you should check out! 🤯) but I do manage to dive into some one-shots and I’m never disappointed. I really wanna know what happens next as well 😅 I know it’s no longer holiday season but I think you’ll like it anyway.

The House at the Edge of the World, by @acrossthesestars

Santiago Garcia x fem!reader

This examines Santi dealing with the aftermath of parental death and oh boy this is so sad but so beautiful. The descriptions! Of the house! And of the emotions and the memories and the here and now and how all of that is woven so seamlessly together. 🥺 I found this SO atmospheric and haunting and moving and so very very vivid. Gorgeously angsty.

Afternoon Delights by @acedameron

Nathan Bateman x f!reader

It’s just yummy 😊 Sorry for the brevity of the description, but it just has my brain feeling happy and going NOM. CUDDLING and NAPS? With our fave asshole? So wonderfully done 😊

Pedro Characters

Untitled, by @kteague

Javier Peña x reader

Small but perfectly formed. This crossed my dash and I was left feeling incredibly soft and fuzzy in no time at all. Even if you’re not in Javi feels right now, this will take you there. *does grabby hands* It’s just so damn CUTE 🥺

Smooth Like Sea Glass, by @spanishmossmagnolia

Frankie Morales x fem!reader (unamed canon partner)

As someone who grew up on the coast I really relate to a sea-themed metaphor. I loved this as it’s such a tender (and a little sad and also a little fluffy) study of Frankie 🥺 And I enjoyed seeing this take on his canon partner, as it’s not something I often come across!

What did I write that month?

Only a few bits this time! Some Nathan fun and some Will angst too.

Am I the asshole? (Nathan B x fem!reader)

The brightest suns (Will miller x fem!reader)

Nathan Bateman blurb (GN!reader has a migraine)

[princessbatears]

Okay Bc I can’t decide I have to go with either the kissing HC or Movie Night HC for your Casa Werewolf series!!

I’d be happy with whichever you choose so whatever inspires you! Love this series Natalie!! 🥰

Aeryn, thank you so much for sending in these prompts! 💕 I got another request for movie night, so I'll be responding to that in a separate answer.

Without further ado, here's 🌸 Kissing:

Once you and Javi have crossed the relationship goal post of kissing, it’s impossible to keep your lips from each other. It’s a magnetic pull you can’t fight.

His are soft and smooth. You once asked him how he keeps them that way and he tells you about his favorite lip scrub. You start stealing it, refusing to be upstaged by him. Soon, he gifts you your own and you’re pretty sure it’s because he’s tired of you using up his.

Your lycanthropy offers definite benefits when it comes to kissing. Your facial muscles and jaw are stronger and more dexterous than the average human’s, giving you a way about you that he swears he’s never experienced with anyone else. He can’t get enough of your lips and tongue on his body.

Then, there’s your werewolf form’s kiss. Javi is extremely ticklish, and you delight in giving him little licks that make him giggle uncontrollably. The triplets also take great pleasure in this.

Javi’s very affectionate with your children, always kissing them on the head or cheek in greeting or farewell. During the new moon, when scraps and bumps are more likely to happen, he kisses the injury with tenderness.

When they’re in their werewolf forms, he makes a great show of making ��plthhh plthh!” noises afterwards, like he’s got hair in his mouth. They find this absolutely hilarious.

In the mornings, you’re often awakened by Javi’s lips and gently scratchy mustache trailing across some part of your body. It’s the nicest alarm clock you’ve ever had, but it has a tendency to make you late as you don’t seem to be able to get out of bed until you’ve have your way with him.

But, perhaps, your favorite kiss of all is the last kiss before you go to sleep. You press your lips to his and he hums happily, arms wrapping around you. Then, you rest your head on his chest and allow sleep to carry you off with the knowledge you’re safe and well-cared for now.

Send me a prompt for my Casa Werewolf series with Javi G! 🐺

Find out more about Javi's romance with the werewolf single mom here!

[danniburgh]

The way you make me feel (Javier x f!reader x Steve)

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader x Steve Murphy

Summary: It was on how you three had softened to each other. There was nothing wrong with it.

It was in the way you made each other feel. The only man Javier and Steve were willing to share you with was each other.

Word count: +2.7k

Chapter warnings: mentions of The War on Drugs of course, a hint of jealousy, lots of teasing and kisses, a sprinkle of angst here and there

A/N: so... yeah i made this lmao, this is fluff and i love it and MUSTACHE BOYFRIENDS NATION RISE, also, thank you so much to @bella-ciao​ for the help with some ideas and @queenofthefaceless​ for helping WITH THE TITLE ilysm guys

ao3 // Masterlist // ko-fi

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓

gif: @pajamasecrets

“Whose turn for dinner?” Steve asked, standing up from behind his desk.

“Yours” you and Javi replied at the same time and you looked at each other. Steve huffed as you smiled at Javier and then at him.

“I want chicken,” you mumbled.

“You?” Steve turned at your partner and Javier only nodded, “fine, see you at home,” Steve put on his jacket and walked around his desk towards yours, you looked up at him and smirked when he turned to the office door window just to make sure no one was looking inside, leaned down and gave you a soft kiss on the lips, “drag him out of here on time,” he mumbled on your mouth and you rolled your eyes, nodding. 

Steve then walked towards Javier and did the same, a soft kiss and some words, then he walked out.

“He told you to not be late?” you asked Javier, who was lighting up another cigarette.

“You know him,” he mumbled, eyeing the closed door of the office Steve had just crossed through and lingering his gaze there for a second as you studied his face. It was as if he was remembering how you all got into the mess that was your relationship. He then turned to see you, winked and drowned himself back into the pile of paperwork in front of him.

You tried to do the same but failed, at the assumption of Javier thinking about the start of your relationship you couldn’t help but to think about it.

Colombia was a beautiful but hard place.

The War on Drugs wasn’t easy, and as a DEA agent you knew you had it easy. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

And certain situations, those that had brought the three of you together, made it even harder; for you it was both your courage and your gender, being a woman in the agency wasn’t easy at all, almost everyone doubted you and you had to get used to prove yourself worthy of attention before even proving that you were good at what you did, and when you met your two partners, they made it a lot easier, they already believed you could just by watching you pace around the embassy like you owned the place. So that was something that made you soften to them; for Javier it was between his reputation and the fact that he had been in the country years before you or Steve, he was known for making dubious things to get intel and you knew how much it weighed on him, he was a man who cared, who had a deep connection with not only the country and the culture but the war in itself, and he was a man willing to do what it took to keep on fighting, but you and Steve had shown him tenderness and had shown him you cared. So that was something that made him soften to you; for Steve it was both the fact that the country wasn’t what he expected, if he ever expected anything, and his divorce, he had showed up years before with wide eyes and so many ideas and a beautiful wife that just got tired and grew scared of everything that went on around her, so she took their daughter and left, and if Steve was a mess before hand he turned into an even deeper mess, but you and Javier pulled him out of the misery of what he thought his life had turned into and cared for him. So that was something that made Steve soften to you.

And the thing you three had, then? there wasn’t even a name for it.

You liked to call it a thruple, but Javier growled every time you mentioned it, called you both children even though he wasn’t that much older than you or Steve, and that made you and Steve laugh.

The only thing you three knew is the deep care, the deep understanding, the deep knowledge and the deep love you had about and for each other.

A soft tap on your desk brought you out of your reminiscence and you saw two light tanned fingers on the surface, the owner of them demanding your attention.

“Let’s go home,” Javier said, and waited for you to put files away while sitting on the edge of your desk and admiring the way you moved through the office.

For Javier, falling in love with you was something he didn’t even have to put effort on. You were beautiful, gorgeous in his eyes, smart as hell, strong and delicate at the same time. You were young and self assured and a badass and Javier couldn’t stop himself from falling in love with you even if he tried.

As you were making sure you had everything in your bag and went on to check Steve hadn’t forgotten anything, his mind traveled to the utter and complete mess he was when he realized he also loved Steve.

Javier always knew he wasn’t indifferent to men, and he knew he was attracted to Steve ever since they met. But Steve was married and that was the end of it. It wasn’t until Connie left and his friend sank into himself that he realized he cared deeply for him, as you did.

And once, while you made dinner at Steve’s place while the blond man tried to take a shower he blurted everything to you. Because the few moments Javier allowed himself to be truly vulnerable was only when he was in your arms, that was something he kept only for you. And it wasn’t out of distrust for Steve, he knew he could confide in him and he did. But you and your precious mind always knew how to soothe the restlessness of his brain even for an hour or two.

“Sounds to me like you’re in love,” you had told him, and Javier had huffed while his eyes went to the picture of Steve holding Olivia that was pinned on the fridge “you know there’s nothing wrong about it, right?” you had tried to reassure him and he had only nodded.

“It’s not that,” Javier had mumbled and he had let his deep brown gaze fall upon you.

“You love me too?” you had questioned and Javier only smiled at you and your incredible ability to read him like a book.

“I think I love you too,” you had confessed while fixing three plates with equal amounts of food.

“And Steve?” Javier had teased, reaching for three forks.

“And Steve,”

“Shall we?” you called him and he shook his head to make the memory fade. You walked next to each other out of the CNP headquarters towards the car, hopped in in silence and drove the fifteen minute way to the house you three shared while stationed in Medellín.

None of you said anything because the drive home, even if it was by yourselves or the three of you together, was a moment you used to shed away the DEA agent persona, it was something you all had agreed on taking as a way to let the work at work, at least as far as the circumstances allowed it and be just yourselves.

When Javier used his keys to open the door and let you in you saw Steve in the kitchen holding the phone between his cheek and his shoulder, struggling with a tray that Javier took from his hand. 

“Yes, I sent those as well,” you looked at Javier with a questioning gaze and he shook his head while taking off his jacket “I understand,” Steve looked at you and you saw his deep blue eyes conflicted, you tried to give him a reassuring smile but you weren’t sure it had reached the place you wanted it to “can you put her on the phone?” he said, Javier was emptying his pockets on the kitchen counter and then walked to take your bag from your hand and put it next to his and Steve's badges “hi baby,” Steve’s face lit up and Javi and you instantly knew he was speaking to Olivia.

As you had made sure Steve was okay you fell into your now old routine. You served dinner while Javier cleared out the table and Steve reluctantly hung up the phone and reached for three beers in the fridge.

“How is she?” you asked once the three of you were seated and dining.

“She’s good, stopped teething,” Steve muttered and you noticed Javier narrowing his eyes, as if he was trying to grasp the concept.

“And… Connie?” your tone was tentative and you searched for his ocean eyes, as you and Javier liked to call them.

“She’s good, sends her regards,” Steve drank from his beer and Javier snorted.

“Javi,” you half chastised half whined.

“Sends her regards?” Javier smirked as he lit a cigarette and gave it to Steve.

“Her words, man,” Steve took it and puffed from it.

“I mean, it’s weird, cut her some slack,” you said, taking the cigarette from Steve’s fingers.

“So you’re defending one of your boyfriend’s ex-wife, now?” Javier teased and Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m just saying, it’s an odd thing,” you shrugged and puffed from the cigarette.

“I mean yeah, your ex-husband suddenly starts fucking both his partners, I bet is odd,” Javier muttered, Steve and you sighed at Javier’s words and before either of you could say anything to him the house phone rang.

“Not it,” you and Steve called at the same time and Javier rolled his eyes, standing up to answer it.

“Yeah,” he answered, Steve turned to look at you and leaned to give you a kiss that tasted like the store-bought roasted chicken, lager and smoke, “no she’s here, one sec,” Javier walked back to the table and looked at you “it’s for you,” you frowned and stood up “it’s Morales,” he muttered, serious faced, and you saw him and Steve both tightening their jaws, making you roll your eyes.

You walked towards the phone feeling two pairs of eyes on your body and you smiled to yourself when you picked up the receiver and answered.

Javier and Steve looked at you and then at each other.

“I don’t trust him,” Steve muttered to Javi, who only shook his head “he clearly wants something with her,” Javier huffed.

“He wants everything with her,” Javier said between gritted teeth and both of them grunted when you let out a soft giggle and said gracias, Luis to the phone. “I wanna hurt that man,” 

“I’ll hold him,” Steve muttered, you caught the last part while you hung up the phone and smiled at them.

“No one is gonna hurt anybody,” you lifted a finger to emphasize. 

“He clearly wants you,” Javier frowned and Steve agreed with him.

“Well I already have to take care of two men, do you think I want another one?” you laughed out and sat back down, grabbing your bottle of beer “I like him, but as a friend.” you assured them. Steve visibly relaxed but Javier didn’t.

“That’s what you told me and look at us,” he said, Steve narrowed his eyes at you and you rubbed your forehead.

You loved them, you really did, and the fact that they loved each other as much as they loved you made your heart swell with happiness, but they could be pricks and jealous assholes. The only person they were willing to share you with was each other. No one else.

“Can you stop?” you pleaded, looking at both “I don’t want to be with anyone else but you two,” you reassured them, Steve smiled at you and took your hand in his, Javier took a little more convincing “I love you,” you smiled, looking at him and tightening the grip on Steve’s hand.

“Jav,” Steve called out to him “tell her you love her,” he demanded, making you laugh. At the sound of you laughing Javier’s feigned mean face broke into a smirk.

“I love you too,”

Steve let go of your hand and after that you fell into work chatter while you finished eating, because Morales had called you with new intel about the cartel and it was you. Of course you were gonna talk about work over dinner.

A couple of hours later you were resting on Javier’s naked chest, sitting between his legs while chilling on the bed and sharing a cigarette, your free hand roaming up and down his tight while the both of you were looking at Steve getting out of the shower.

“Are you seriously getting dressed right now?” you teased him when you saw him reach for some briefs inside the closet, feeling Javier’s chest move with his chuckle.

“You know we're gonna undress you anyway, right?” Javier teased as well behind you, making Steve huff and drop the underwear on the floor.

“Fine,” he grunted and crawled on the bed to lay his wet head on your lap.

Your hand found its place playing with Steve’s blond hair and while you did that and shared a cigarette with Javi, Steve let himself remember how he realized he had fallen in love with both.

His divorce wasn’t messy, Connie had talked to him about it and it was an agreement, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less. As his life as he had known it for years was about to change permanently. The only thing that gave him a small sense of stability was you and Javi. Always there, always present, always willing to help.

You, with words, always reassuring him and caring about him and asking how he was doing and checking up on him; Javi, without them, bringing him food and making sure he ate it, knocking on his door and dragging him out of the apartment to take him to dinner with him and you, calling him at exactly six fifteen each morning to wake him up and make sure he got to work on time.

He didn’t know he could feel something like that for a man, he was scared at first, and he told you that. Because while Javier confided in you his vulnerabilities, Steve confided you his deepest fears.

“I just… I don’t know why I feel like this,” he had told you, halfway drunk, gripping your hand. And you had smiled at him.

“It’s the first time you feel like that for another man?” you had asked and he nodded like a child caught with his hands and clothes all muddy “but you know there’s nothing wrong with it, right?” the same question you were to ask Javier about a couple weeks later.

“It isn’t,” Steve had mumbled to himself, and to you it sounded like a question.

“It isn’t” you had told him in reassurance, and when he looked at you with those big blue puppy eyes you knew it. And Steve had thrown himself at you and kissed you for what it felt like hours.

And then, when he was about moving on, cleaning his house of the rest of Connie’s things to send them to her, Javier helping, he had cornered him and with pleading eyes asked him to kiss him. And Javier did it without hesitation.

Steve would never forget the way Javier’s lips felt in his that first time, and how a single kiss from the only man he had ever loved in his life made his body feel tons lighter.

The sound of you moaning woke him up from his reminiscence and he turned around to see Javier’s hand cupping your breasts and his lips devouring your neck. Your eyes opened and you bit your lip, raising a hand for him to take.

He took it and you pulled him to you to grab his lips on a kiss while Javier’s hands roamed around your body.

You broke the kiss and leaned up to lick and nip on the skin of his neck, as Javier’s hands kept exploring your skin and Steve grabbed Javi by the nape, trapping his lips on a kiss.

It was going to be a long night.

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[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

[mourningbirds1]

Prospect fic: He Is Home

An Ezra x Reader one-shot

Rating: Explicit for smut Relationship: Ezra x Fem Reader (You) Tags: Smut; Taking A Bath Together; Soft Touching; Oral Sex, F Receiving; Vaginal Sex; Hurt/Comfort; Forehead Kisses; Angsty Fluff; Magical Healing Cock Wordcount: 3K

Also posted on Ao3 - link is in my Masterlist. I also have a Javi x Reader one-shot A Walk In The Woods (smut)

A/N: Written for @yespolkadotkitty​‘s follower celebration writing challenge for the prompt All along, I believed I would find you. Thank you to Kitty for the beta 💗

Summary: You are walking in the rain and feel lost and confused, so you take refuge in Ezra’s house and he looks after you. 

He Is Home

You thought you’d grown strong enough to cope with bad weather after walking for so long, through all seasons. It had been hard at first, but you’d soon learned how to protect yourself from the elements. There were still odd days when you struggled, but you’d remind yourself that everything was temporary. And anyway, even the harshest sun would mellow into a soft glow at dusk. The hardest rain would eventually ease and reward you with the sweet scent of new growth. 

But something has changed today. You tell yourself it must be the cumulative effect of the journey so far. You just need a break, that’s all. Only there’s no place to stop. 

This wind is not the strongest you’ve walked through, but today you’re gasping as it whips around your face and steals the breath from your nose and the words from your mouth. You keep your head down and brace your body against it, but you can’t seem to pick up speed like you would have done yesterday.

Objectively, you know you’ve withstood heavier rain than this. But your shoes have holes that were not there yesterday. And you swear your coat used to be waterproof, but today it is letting in the rain. 

Even so, you know you’d have coped with these setbacks once. But you are suddenly, inexplicably, unable to cope anymore. 

You turn a corner and for a moment your heart feels lighter. You forget your wet feet and your freezing hands because you can see a light up ahead. If you can just keep going for a few more minutes everything will be okay, because you know that is where Ezra lives. 

And the light means he is home.

So you cover your mouth and nose with your scarf to block out the wind, and you pull up the collar of your coat and bring all your attention to your feet. Telling yourself that if you put one foot in front of the other enough times, eventually you will reach him. And so you do.

You open his garden gate and walk up the little path that’s lined with fragrant lavender bushes. You can smell something savoury and herbal and you look down to see that you’re standing on little thyme plants that are growing in the cracks of the path. 

His door is solid wood and you brace yourself as you lift your hand to knock on it, because you know that it will hurt. Your knuckles are so raw from the cold wind. But before your fist makes contact, you hear locks turning from the inside and you know that Ezra is opening the door for you.

He looks just as you remember him. The tuft of pale hair. The silvery scar on his cheek. Soft, dark eyes that turn down at the corners. There are crinkles around them and you find this so comforting because you know these lines are markers of his experience and wisdom. He has already crossed rough terrains and withstood plenty of harsh weather and now he can guide you through them and shelter you from the worst of them.

He’s horrified that you are in such a terrible state. “Come inside, little bird!” 

But you just stand there, feeling too weak to take another step. Too drained by the huge burst of energy you had to summon to come this far. 

He can see that you need him to help you. He steps out and wraps his strong arm around your waist and takes your hand, encouraging you to lean on him.

“I di--didn’t know where else to go,” you tell him, your teeth chattering as you step into his little house.

He closes the door, shutting out the weather, and guides you into his arms. He is so warm. His arms tighten around you, urging you to press the length of your body against him. He doesn’t seem to care that you’re making him wet. You bury your face in the crook of his neck and breathe in his comforting, familiar smell. Your lips are wet with rainwater and you press them against the bare skin of his neck and feel his pulse. He is alive. He is real. He is holding you with all the patience in the world. 

“It’s alright now, sweetheart,” he says. He’s stroking your wet hair and pressing kisses there. His breath is warm and you can feel the soft brush of his scruff against your scalp.

He puts a gentle finger under your chin and tilts up your face so that he can kiss you and warm your frozen mouth with his lips. You place your palms against his broad chest and your fingers clutch lightly at his soft black shirt. 

He draws away and takes hold of your hands. When he feels how cold they are he makes a disapproving noise and brings them together, covering them completely with his big hands and rubbing to generate heat.

It’s been so long since anyone has touched you like this and his tenderness makes you let out a little sob of relief. 

He takes you back into his arms. “Shhh, now. Y’just need a hot bath and a warm, soft bed. How does that sound?” You make a quiet noise of agreement and nod against his chest. 

He leads you into his kitchen and pulls out a chair for you. “Sit here while I fix you something warming to drink,” he says. He speaks softly, with that same kindness you remember. “Shall I make you that drink you always liked so much?” he asks. 

You nod, “Yes, that’d be nice.” Until this moment you had forgotten all about it. You suppose that your recent struggles must have pushed out nice memories like that to make space for your problems. You wonder what else you’ve forgotten.

There are copper saucepans suspended from a rack above the stove. He takes the smallest and fills it with water and sets it to heat up on the burner. You aren’t sure what he adds to the water. This was always something he used to do for you when you’d had a bad day. 

While it’s heating he disappears for a minute and returns with a towel and a thick blanket that he unfolds and drapes over your shoulders. After he’s tucked it securely around you, he crouches down and removes your wet shoes and wraps your cold, wet feet in the warm, fluffy towel. 

He kisses your forehead and goes back to work on your drink. 

When it’s ready he pours it into your favourite cup and places it into your hands. “I can’t believe you still have this,” you say.

“Of course! Why would I discard something important to one who’s so dear to me?”

Sweet, sweet Ezra. Why did you ever leave him?

While you drink, he crouches at your feet to rub them with the towel, drying between your toes and pressing the soft cotton to your skin, the heat of his hands seeping through the fabric and warming you. 

“Now I’m gonna go run your bath. You want to wait here or come with me?”

You don’t want him to leave you. Can’t bear to let him out of your sight now that you’ve finally found him again. “I want to stay with you, Ez.”

“Then so you shall, beautiful girl.” 

You stand up and find that the drink must have bolstered you because it’s a bit easier to walk now. You follow him to the bathroom and sit on a chair with your drink while he draws your bath. 

He adds bubbles and some scented oil. The room is soon filled with fragrant steam and you breathe it in and it warms your throat and lungs. 

While the tub is filling up he takes your empty cup and sets it aside.

“Shall I leave you alone now, little bird?” he asks.

You look at the tub. It’s a huge, antique thing. Freestanding, with clawed feet. Plenty big enough for two people. “Will you get in with me?” 

He holds your face in his big, gentle hands. “If that’s what you want, nothing would make me happier.” 

You watch as he pulls off his shirt and takes off his pants and then he’s naked before you. He lets you look at him for a moment, unembarrassed by your gaze. Every part of him is beautiful. His broad chest and long arms. The softness of his belly. The little patch of pale skin at his hips. His pretty cock and his sturdy thighs. You reach out and run your fingers over a few new scars. They do nothing to diminish his beauty. 

He smiles fondly, “I can see you’re enjoying the view, sweetheart, but it’s time to get out of these wet clothes.”

He helps you undress because your fingers are clumsy. Still a little numb from the cold.

Ezra gets in first. He leans against the curved end of the tub and makes space for you to sit between his legs. You’re still a little wobbly so he reaches up and gives you his hand to hold while you step in and sink into the blissful heat of the water. It’s the perfect temperature. Exactly what you dreamed of as you trudged through miles of relentless rain and wind. 

You ease yourself down and settle between Ezra’s thighs and he guides you to lean back against him. You breathe out a long, shaky sigh as you relax against his warm, broad body. You can feel his firm chest cradling your shoulders and his belly against your back, then his scruff of hair and his soft cock.

His strong arms are draped around you, caging you into his body and keeping you safe. You let your head tilt back and rest on his shoulder and he nuzzles into your neck, giving you sweet, open-mouthed kisses, and little puffs of air as he breathes against your skin. 

You lie there for a while like that while he kisses your neck and your shoulders. And you touch him, too. You stroke his thighs and his arms. You trace your fingertips over his hands and lift each of them to your mouth so you can kiss them, delighting in their size and how powerful and capable they are.

Ezra washes your hair and your body with soap that smells of orange blossom. His broad palms feel just as roughened and calloused as they ever did as he strokes them over the soapy-slick skin of your breasts and your chest, and then your arms. 

You sigh again, so calmed by the reassuring feel of him behind you and the soothing touches of his hands. The warm water is easing your aching muscles and you feel languid and relaxed. You hook your leg over the side of the tub and nudge lightly at his hand, urging it between your spread legs. Ezra’s hand drifts down to your patch of hair and he lets his fingertips trail over your mound and outer lips. Back and forth, swirling, slow and lazy.

“Is this what you need, sweetheart?” he whispers.

You make a contented noise and tilt your hips into his touch. You can feel his cock getting hard but he ignores it and just carries on stroking you. It’s so relaxing that you drift off to sleep. He wakes you by kissing behind your ear. 

“Water’s gettin’ a bit cold now. How about that soft bed?”

“Mmm, that sounds perfect,” you say, smiling and drowsy.

You get out of the tub and he gives you a big soft towel and you both get as dry as you can and, leaving the towels in the bathroom, you walk naked to Ezra’s bedroom. There’s a little fireplace in there and it’s already built up with kindling and logs. You watch him as he crouches and lights it. 

When he’s done he turns and sees you standing by the bed. “Get in, little bird. We’ve only just got you warmed up.” He pulls back the bed covers. It’s the most comfortable bed you’ve ever laid in. The sheets are so soft against your naked skin. 

The rain is beating against the window pane and the wind howls around the chimney, making little whistling noises. But it can’t reach you here. You stretch out and give a little laugh and wiggle your toes. Delighting in being so warm and dry at last. Ezra is propped up on his elbow watching you, smiling and pleased at how happy you are, and he leans in and kisses you deeply, stroking his tongue against yours, slowly and thoroughly. 

You pull him closer and arch your chest towards his, letting your breasts touch his bare skin and feeling him moan into your mouth as he kisses you. Ezra loves how soft you feel against him. You run your hands across his broad back and can feel his muscles shift beneath his skin as he climbs on top of you, making space for himself between your thighs. When your hands trail lower and squeeze his behind, you feel his lips smile against your mouth. You smile, too. 

“Let me feel you, Ez,” you say. He adjusts his arms to allow his warm, heavy weight to cover you, pressing you into the mattress with the length of his body while he kisses you. When he feels you shift, he lifts his weight off you and kisses down your throat and then your breasts and then down, down until he’s nuzzling sweetly into your cunt. You watch him as he goes down on you. He takes his time over it, holding your thighs open and using his clever tongue to give you a blissful orgasm.

After you’ve come he kneels back and you watch his beautiful cock twitch as he licks the taste of you from his lips and takes in the sight of you, happily pliant and relaxed. All ready for him to take his place between your thighs. You spread your legs wider for him, welcoming him as leans in to press his hard cock where you’re wet for him. 

He braces above you on one arm and reaches down with the other to take hold of himself and he pushes into you, slow and easy, like you are where he has always belonged and always will. Filling you like no one else ever has. You lift your legs and wrap them around his hips, letting him push deeper until he’s fully seated inside you.

“Kevva, you feel so good, sweetheart,” he says, and he rocks into you and you move with him. He makes love to you with slow, powerful strokes, letting you feel the delicious stretch of him filling you again and again and again. 

You think about rolling him onto his back and riding him so he can watch his cock sinking in and out of you, but this feels too good. This is what you need. His arms are braced either side of you and his chest is pressed against yours. You love how he’s covering you with his body, and filling you with his cock. Keeping you safe and satisfied. 

He’s grunting softly and you’ve always loved that about him - that he lets you hear how good you make him feel. 

“Can you come like this?” he asks, as he grinds against your clit. His voice is tight and hopeful, but you know he’d give you whatever you need. You wouldn’t always be able to come without the direct pressure of a fingertip on your clit, but you’re so turned on and it’s been so long since you’ve felt him inside you that you know this will be enough tonight. And anyway you can’t bear to have him draw back to make space for your hand. Neither can he, you think. You nod quickly, yes. 

“Good girl,” he says. He speeds up his thrusts, his breathing growing harsh and feverish, his eyes losing focus now as he savours the exquisite clutch of your slick heat enveloping him completely. His breathy grunts become louder and more desperate and the sound of him, so overwhelmed by you, is enough to make you come. He fucks you through your orgasm, telling you you’re a good girl and you’re beautiful. He praises how incredible you feel coming on his cock. His hips stutter against you, once, twice, and he moans with relief and pleasure as his come pulses into you. You tilt up your hips and spread your fingers over his behind and urge him to bury himself deeper, deeper. You want to keep him this close, always. Inside you and flush against you. Right where he belongs. You never want to let him go.

Finally he goes still and heavy. He keeps his cock buried deep inside you so you can feel it while he tells you, “I love you, my darling girl.” 

You realise you knew this already, but you aren’t sure how. Perhaps he’s told you those words before, and this was another memory that’s been pushed out of your brain to make space for worry.

“I love you, Ezra,” you say. And his soft smile tells you that he’s known this all along.

He eases himself out of you and rolls to the side, taking you with him and lifting you onto his chest. You drift off to sleep in his arms, feeling peaceful and full of afterglow.

In the morning Ezra brings you hot coffee and good things to eat. It’s still raining but there’s nowhere you need to go, so you sit in his cosy kitchen, basking in the heat of the wood-burning stove while he tells you about the good books he’s been reading and his new favourite project – raising plants from the seeds he gathered in his prospecting days.

Life is coming back into focus now. Good memories making space for themselves where once there was only room for fear. 

“I’m sorry I went away, Ezra. I don’t know how it happened. I won’t leave again.”

“Little bird, I know you think you flew away but you never really left. You were right here with me all along, safe inside my heart.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Masterlist I also have a Javi x Reader one-shot A Walk In The Woods (smut)

[lostinmysticfalls]

Safe to Fall - Javi x Fem!Reader

Summary: Javi made it very clear from the beginning that there would be no strings attached. He calls you up when he needs you and you’re more than happy to be of service. But when he changes his mind about sending you on a dangerous mission, you realize that perhaps he hasn’t been following his own rule as closely as he thought.

Words: 4,127

Warnings: smut, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, abandonment issues, implied violence briefly mentioned

A/N: Wow… this one took a turn. It’s a little darker and more angsty than I anticipated. Reader’s got quite a bit of emotional baggage but so does Javi so, they’re kinda perfect for each other? (title taken from lyrics of Finally // beautiful stranger by Halsey)

Javi pushed himself up on the granite counter, his denim clad legs and bare feet dangling as he poured two glasses of whiskey over ice. One for him and one for you. The smoke from his lit cigarette billowed like a gray cloud underneath the warm glow of the kitchen light.

“So you really haven’t changed your mind?” He asked.

You set your things down on the small coffee table in the living room. Replying loud enough so he could hear you. “No. I told you I want to help.”

He remembered what happened the last time he had a girl get information for him. The memories of her helpless body curled on the soiled mattress on the floor, immobile and barely breathing. The stench of decay and mold, the creaking sound of the rotting wood in the room, it still vividly haunted him years after the fact. 

She couldn't have been older than you, and she too had been brave, willing to help because she felt loyal to him. Because she had also gotten dangerously close even when he thought he was keeping his distance. Angel wings burnt like Icarus by the invisible fiery rays that radiated off of him like a death curse. 

Her light was gone after that night. No amount of time was long enough for her to heal. A life ruined forever because of something he'd wanted.

Javi had been afraid for the girl, of course he had been. What kind of man would it make him otherwise? During his time at the DEA he’d seen some of the most fucked up shit anyone could ever witness, but he wasn't a soulless monster. Not even after all that carnage and violence he’d experienced. It was something the cartels hadn't been able to take from him and it was the one thing he kept most guarded.

He’d never admit it but that brutal happening was the reason why he was always careful to the point of being paranoid nowadays.

Why he'd never allowed things to go too far with any of his girls, why he brushed off any kind of compliment and instead of building relationships with women, he built walls. Keeping things professional. All business. It was his way of protecting himself and keeping those around him safe. 

Everyone knew Javi was more than willing to share his body with any pretty little thing that gave him the time of day, but sharing his entire being? Even just a glimpse of the man underneath the hardened exterior? That was out of the question. 

Or so he thought. 

As he stared at you from atop his kitchen counter, he could feel his heart rumbling in his chest. It was yearning but also paralyzing fear, a mix of effervescent joy but also agonizing pain. A turmoil of emotions that he’d been trying to keep bottled up and locked away like a dirty secret. 

Something else had clicked in him. An unplanned tethering had formed as a result of all the time you'd spent together. Of your scheduled and unscheduled romps between his sheets—ones that had slowly transitioned from casual and meaningless fucking to sweet and tender love-making without him even realizing it. Of the sound of your velvet voice over the phone during your late night chats when he needed to vent. And of the way you leaned your head on his shoulder and sometimes fell asleep while you watched TV. 

Javi had made the same mistake yet again and he knew it. He’d been naive enough to think that you would be the exception to the rule, no matter how close he allowed you to get. He had ignored all the red flags until you gradually imprinted yourself on his skin. A permanent mark that he would carry with him forever, no matter where life took him.

He stupidly chastised himself in silence, as if doing so would sever the ties that bound you.  

You swayed your way to him, unaware of his predicament, little dress hugging your figure as you took off the leather jacket he'd gifted you for your birthday a couple months back. Your hair getting caught on the metal buttons as you slipped it off your shoulders.

"It's gonna be fine." Your voice had an air of confidence and reassurance. "I'll do exactly as you say and nobody... well, almost nobody... will get hurt." You took the glass of whiskey that was meant for you and sipped it, grimacing and sticking your tongue out when the flavor hit your tongue. "Javi. I trust you." You smiled.

Maybe that was the problem. Blind trust.

He looked down at you, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray and swirling the contents of his glass before downing it all in one gulp. His brown eyes were trained on your face, like he was getting a good look at you just in case everything went to shit that night.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be you." He said, his voice deep and laced with trepidation.

"Cómo?" You questioned his sudden change in plans after all this time. For weeks he'd been coaching you, training you for that exact mission. "Si esos hijos de puta me la deben también." You snarled, reminding him that you had scores to settle with those assholes too. He wasn't the only one who'd lost people in this war.

“I can do this, Javier." You cocked your head. Swallowing the rest of your drink as you looked up at him and smirked. After a little while, you bit down on your crimson tainted lip, asking coyly. “Am I still your favorite?”

You pushed up on your toes, your hands on his thighs as your plump limps brushed against his mouth. The taste of whiskey and cigarette infusing your tongue as his mustache scraped the delicate skin of your upper lip, tickling the tip of your nose.

“You know you are, sweetheart.” He kissed you again, his actions more fervent the second time around. “Y eres la más hermosa también.”

“Then if tonight’s plan is settled, why’d you call me? We weren’t supposed to see each other until afterwards.” You teased, kissing him and biting his lip. Pulling it with your teeth until he exhaled a little moan. 

“You know I care about you.” He growled, his hands running down your arms. 

You laughed through the shivers that his touch produced, pretending like you hadn't notice the goosebumps that formed on your skin. Trying to ignore the way your heart beat for him and your stomach twisted with excitement as a million butterflies took flight. You'd caught yourself slipping more often than not these days. 

"Sure." Deep red lips pressed against his once again, attempting to dismiss the meaning behind his words. "We'll go with that." 

"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked, one eyebrow perched.

It's not that it was hard to believe. On the contrary, you knew that Javi had a good heart, you'd seen it time and time again no matter how much he tried to downplay it.

But he knew better than to bring any kind of emotional baggage to the agreement you two had made. He had been the one to set the rules, for god's sake. The fact that you had been on the same page had actually been what earned you the coveted role of favorite girl. You were clear on the terms, believing you were smart enough not to form real relationships with clients. Up until that point, you thought he was too.

"I just don’t want you to get hurt." He said, touching the side of your face with his hand, his forehead resting against yours as he caught his breath, stopping himself from saying more.

“Javi. Stop with the sentimental bullshit.” You said quietly, breath swirling over his parted lips as you purred. “Will you just fuck me already? I’ve missed you.”

His thumb caressed your chin ever so lightly.  Lips crashing into yours as he jumped off the counter. Both hands cupped your face, his body moving against yours. His closeness lighting a fire deep in your core and igniting the aching throb between your legs. Your breathing was growing heavy, the pulse at your neck pounding with rabid need.

You raised his buttoned shirt over his stomach, breaking from the kiss for just a short moment to take it off. You kicked off your shoes, feet stumbling as you walked backwards, his body guiding you at an unhurried pace toward the unlit room that was at the end of the hallway. 

Overzealous hands moved along your bends, trailing over the small of your back and down your ass until his fingers had hooked onto the fabric of your dress and you felt it leave your body. The cold air in the apartment hitting your exposed skin. 

You had just crossed the threshold into the bedroom when he stopped you. 

He grabbed your arms, twirling you until your back crashed against his stomach and chest. You squirmed and giggled, enjoying the way he took command and allowing him to do as he pleased. Your body whirred with arousal, the touch of his hands gliding over your breasts and pulling down the cups of your bra, making you shudder. 

You moaned. “Touch me, Javi.” Snaking your body into him wantonly, your ass rubbing up against his hardness. 

The straps of your bra fell over your shoulders, and you reached behind your back to unclip it as fast as you could. His large hands covering your supple mounds, massaging your full tits as his lips trailed over your jaw.  He felt so good, your entire body hummed, wetness pooling in your underwear as your nipples pebbled between the clutch of his fingers.

His mouth bit your chin as you cranked your head to look at him, your sensitive skin burning from the scratches of his facial hair and the gentle scrape of his teeth. 

Javi kept one hand on your breasts, playing with your stiffened peaks as his other hand slid down the length of your upper body. His back hunched over slightly as he reached inside your underwear. 

A whimper floated from your lips when his fingers made contact with your soft flesh. Your delicate flower blossoming for him as he slid between your moistened folds. 

“Oh, you’re so fucking wet already.” He muttered against your ear. “I could slip right in if I wanted to.”

He went on with his ministrations, making you writhe against his chest the more he teased your pulsing center. His fingers traveled up and down your slit, getting closer and closer to your heat each time, finally reaching your tight entrance. But he only circled his way around it for a few seconds before he retreated.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You whined, your complaint being cut short by the feel of his arms swooping you off the floor. 

He carried you the rest of the short distance to the bed and set you down atop the fluffed up comforter that had been left undone from that morning. He smiled, pulling your underwear down your silky legs until you were completely naked.

You watched him, biting down on your lip as he got out of his pants. His beautiful cock, rock hard and swaying as he got on the bed. Dark eyes transfixed on your nakedness, knowing you were all his in that moment. He climbed on top of you, hovering over your body and kissing your mouth as his eager fingers returned to the place they’d abandoned just moments prior.

“You want this?” He asked, his mouth trailing over your jaw and then down your neck. Tongue licking its way down your chest until his tongue was encircling one of your nipples. 

“Yes.” You cried, as his index finger penetrated your slick walls. Your tight flesh wrapping around his digit as he began moving in and out of your crevice. 

You arched your back, craving more. Even though you knew that when it came to him, it was never enough. You could never suffice. After a few moments he slipped in a second finger, his thumb moving over your clit as he started to finger fuck you more vehemently. 

“Oh my god!” Whimpers left your lips. “You’re so fucking good!”

Javi kissed your face, the feel of your skin hot against his lips. Your body began to spasm as a result of his actions. His fingers moved rapidly in and out of your opening, curling and stretching your insides now and again. His other hand paying attention to your pulsating center, circling over your clit, determined not to stop until he’d made you come.

“Just like that, mmmm… así, Javi…” You repeated the words over and over until they eventually died in your mouth, replaced instead by unabashed cries of gratification as you reached that blissful finish. 

An explosion of fireworks went off behind your closed eyes as the heat rippled through all your extremities. Your core swollen and tender from his touch and its sensitivity heightened by your triggered orgasm.

You laughed, kissing him. “You’re amazing, Javier.” With your hands on his arms, you pulled yourself up. “Come here,” you patted the bed, gesturing for him to lie on his back.

You stretched across his upper body, opening the drawer in the nightstand next to him. You’d been at his place plenty of times before to know where everything was, but it was almost like unspoken rule between you. One that if acknowledged, would give away the deep intimacy you both already shared. He slapped your ass as you reached for the box of condoms buried underneath his socks. 

Moments later, you sat astride his thighs, unrolling the rubber over his length and pumping it with your hand a few times before positioning him at your entrance. He looked up at you, his slightly opened mouth exhaling a groan as he slowly invaded your heated depths. 

He allowed you full control of the movements as he slid inside you, even though he was dying to grab your hips and ravish you without restraint. You blurted out his name as you started to move up and down his length, the thickness of his cock stretching your wet walls, instilling you with indescribable pleasure each time every inch of him filled you up.

You rocked your hips back and forth, riding his cock like you owned it, alternating your speed as the minutes ticked by. Eventually turning your movements into that undulated dance that you knew he loved so much. Your breathing became ragged and your bodies sweaty from the heated friction. Grunts and moans, fused with curses and dirty talk, permeated the air.

Javi held on to your hips, fingers gripping your skin as you bucked your hips into him harder and faster. You leaned your upper body forward, mouth nipping his neck as you bounced your ass up and down over his thighs, taking pleasure in the sound of your wet bodies clashing against each other.

Your heart was beating so fast, the exertion making your legs tired and numb from being bent in the same position for so long. Javi sensed your fatigue when you slowed down your pace. He wrapped his arms around your back, holding you close to him as he lifted his hips off the bed and slammed his cock into your core a few times, giving you a bit of a break from your movements.

He took a second to catch his breath and then rolled over with you on the bed, pinning you underneath him as he adjusted himself inside you. Taking both of your hands, he raised them over your head, binding your wrists together with one of his hands as he began fucking you again. It was the first time you could recall him doing that, but something about it made you feel absolutely comfortable and safe. It wasn’t aggressive or even forceful. No. It was like he was claiming you as his own.

“I can’t let you do this.” He said, making you mewl and flail as he hit your sweet spot with just the right amount of force.

He was breathless, but his words were gentle and full of the love you told him once he could never feel for you. 

“I care about you too much.” He said your name, repeating it one more time before he made his final confession. “I love you.” 

The rousing feelings overtook you, pleasurable sensations flowing through you as you came undone one more time. His hips banged into you over and over, the ache intensifying in your core, your walls quivering and contracting as they burst with release. 

You were still in the midst of your orgasm when you felt his body go rigid for just a second, his grunts becoming loud and incessant as he came inside you. The rapturous seconds of physical climax evaporated after a few moments but the emotional effects of it lingered long after. 

Your exhausted bodies lied next to each other, legs still entwined as you remained still for the minutes that followed. 

Even after you both had come down from your respective highs, you stayed put, afraid to move in order to delay the inevitable explanation that was coming after what Javi had just said.

* * * * *

You came out of the bathroom, trajectory set on your scattered clothes on the floor. Legs were still wobbly and heart was still beating fast but maybe this time it was from anxiousness and fear more than anything.

Javi had said those three words to you, knowing that you didn’t want to hear them.

Before then, all he’d done was toy with the idea of you leaving the trade for good. Deep down you suspected his reasons for asking but he had never really elaborated on what his intentions were for you if you did decide to quit. Not that it was a big secret. You were aware that he’d sent some girls across the border to live a life under witness protection, and others to monasteries or safe sanctuaries far away from their homeland. None of which was for you. 

You gave him the same answer every time he brought it up; you belonged to no one but yourself and you didn't need a savior to rescue you.

Javi reached for your hand as you finished getting dressed. He’d sensed the coldness you emitted. He could feel you drifting from him, shutting him out.

“So you’re just going to ruin your team’s operation because of me?” You couldn’t believe you were saying that, it didn’t sound like the Javi you knew. His job had always been his priority.

“It’s still happening. You’re just not a part of it.” He buttoned his jeans, frowning when he heard the contemptuous laugh that left your lips a second later.

"You can't save me from this, Javi." You pulled away, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Because I don't need to be saved. I thought you understood that.”

His nostrils flared, one hand running through his hair as he looked at you. Face painted with despair. “Why are you acting like this? I just told you I loved you—“

“And I warned you not to fall in love with me.” You retorted, your voice cracking from the influx of emotions he’d stirred in you. 

You wanted to cry. There was anger in you but you weren’t angry with him. How could you be? No. You were angry with yourself because you too had allowed it to get this far even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. Your carelessness had led you to grow attached.

“Well, I do love you.” He shrugged like there was nothing he could do about it. 

“Es la verdad. Te amo.”

“Estás loco, Javier.” 

He smiled, inching closer to you. “Loco for ti nadamás.” 

“Fuck.” You huffed under your breath. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I. Come on, talk to me.” He put his hands on your shoulders, tipping his head down and searching for your eyes. “Why is it so bad that I fell in love with you?”

“You wanna know how this story ends?” Your eyes narrowed, mouth twisting in disapproval. “I’ll tell you. Hell, I’ve lived it plenty of times before to know the ending never changes.”

You sighed, the twinge in your chest threatening to make you fall to pieces before you could even speak.

“You tell me that you love me and I believe you… because I want it to be true,” you said quietly. “And it’s fine for a little while. But you never truly get over it. You’re not able to forget my past. The countless men that crossed my path before you…”  

You stopped to take a breath, trying to get rid of the knot that had formed in your throat. “And then that love you said you felt for me. The love story that you made me believe in… it begins to turn into a nightmare. Chipping away at any feelings we might still have for each other. Until one day… you grow tired… and you leave. You leave and all I’m left with is bitterness and hate.” Your eyes were filled to the brim with tears.

He shook his head. “I would never do that to you.” His kind eyes displaying a glint of hopelessness as he began to realize why you’d been so put off by his declaration. 

“But you will.” Your lip trembled as you began to sob. “Because they always do. They never stay, Javi. You won’t stay.”

He took you in his arms, your composure crumbling all at once the moment you felt his warm embrace. Your head was pressed against his bare chest, your whole body enveloped in his scent.  

“You’re a good man. I know you are. And I don’t want to hate you.” You said between sharp intakes of air, feeling completely vulnerable as he held you. Knowing that now that your truth was out in the open, there was no point in denying your own feelings for him. “I love you too much to ever hate you, Javi.”

That bit of confirmation that you felt the same way was reassuring to him. He held you tightly, kissing the top of your head. “And do you trust me?”

You laughed between the tears, thinking that earlier you’d been dead set on putting your life on the line for him—he knew you did. “Of course I trust you.”

He nuzzled your temple and then spread kisses over your flushed, dewy cheeks in the most delicate and loving manner. The tender brush of his lips made you shiver in delight, like a hit of ecstasy had been shot straight into your veins.

“Then believe me when I tell you that I would never…” He gently took a hold of your chin with his fingers, wiping the tears from under your misty eyes. “I would never break your heart. I would never hurt you, amor.”

You closed your eyes, feeling his proximity close in on you. The touch of his lips on yours made your heart sputter. Hooking your arms around his neck, you kissed him again, gently sparring with his tongue as you relished in each other’s taste for a long drawn-out minute.

Breaking away slowly, you said. “I know but I’m fucking terrified to fall… to completely give myself to someone other than me.”

“So am I.” He said. “But not of falling. It’s too late for that.” He caressed your face, the tears no longer trickling down your cheeks. “What terrifies me is the thought of not being with you.”

You sighed deep enough that it made your chest hurt. “You really believe in us?”

“Yes.” He replied without hesitation. “I do.” His words drenched in sincerity.

You knew the absolute soundness you felt in that moment could only be found in his arms. Javi had always cared for you, protected you, kept you safe. He offered all the things that those who had wronged you had failed to provide.

“It’s safe to fall.” He whispered. “I’m right here.”

You knew that the deep rooted fear inside you that made you question every relationship you’d ever had wouldn’t just magically disappear overnight. But you also knew that he would help ease your mind whenever you were in need of it. 

Javi had never failed you and never would.

You shut your eyes, breathing him in, not wanting to let go of him just yet. With each passing minute you grew more convinced that perhaps what he had said was true. Maybe it was finally safe for you to fall.

[forever-rogue]

The Sweetest Sins (A Good Man)

A/N: Soo, a few people have suggested something like this, getting a look into Javi and Dulzura’s life after AGM. And I love these fools so much, I couldn’t say no. This is just some soft fluff, but I hope you’ll all enjoy! Can be read as a standalone or as part of the series. Thank you to mi vida, @bestintheparsec​, for helping me brainstorm! As always, comments and feedback are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged let me know! xx

Pairing: Professor! Javi x Reader

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: fluff of the holiday kind!

A GOOD MAN ‘VERSE MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Javi?” you were halfway in the door when you heard a few gentle yips from coming from your feet. A grin stretched across your features as you shuffled the bags filled with groceries to one arm so you could lean down and give Stevie a pet. He wagged his tail excitedly as he ran around in a small circle, “hi buddy! Of course I missed you too. It’s been a whole day since our last cuddle!”

He barked quietly before darting into the kitchen as you kicked off your shoes and followed behind, wondering if Javier was in the kitchen. As soon as you made your way down the hall, you could hear him softly singing to the record player, telling you that indeed, your lover was working hard on something. As soon as he heard the soft padding of your feet, Javier looked up from the bowl he was mixing something in and offered you a gentle smile, his singular dimple on glorious display. 

“Dulzura,” your nickname feel softly off his lips, reverent, as he stopped what he was doing and came over to help you with your full arms, “you’re just on time.”

“Hi Javi,” you whispered as he pressed his lips to yours, sighing contently as you tried to peek at what he was doing, “what are you doing? What am I just in time for?”

“Cookies,” he grinned as you started to unpack all the groceries for the long weekend that you would be spending with him. You raised an eyebrow at him as you tried to deduce exactly what kind he was making, before pulling out a bottle of wine and setting it down. As you walked to get glasses out of the cabinet, he gave your backside a small pat causing you to giggle at him.

“Feeling cheeky, are we Professor Peña?” you turned and kissed his cheek before uncorking the wine and pouring a glass for each of you, “what kind of cookies are you making?”

“Gingerbread,” he nodded his head towards the various spices on the counter as you took a sat at the bar and watched him close, “my abuela’s recipe. Tis the season!”

“How very appropriate,” you beamed at him, reaching over and playing a stray curl that had worked its way onto his forehead, “you’ve never made her gingerbread before. Any special occasion?”

“Not really,” he shrugged innocently but you could tell there was something underlying his words, “just felt like it would be a good time to make some.”

“I won’t argue with a man that makes me dessert or dinner,” you grinned as you sipped on your wine, but not before pulling Stevie into your lap. You scratched his ears before turning back to Javi, “now what aren’t you telling me?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Dulzura,” he looked at you with his soft brown eyes wide and innocent. You might have fallen in love with them, but you could read them just as easily. There was a little smirk on his face as he carried on, letting a comfortable silence fall over you for a few moments, “I talked to my Papá today. He asked if we wanted to spend Christmas in Laredo this year. The whole family will be there and I know it would make him happy to have us there. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, of course.”

“I’d love to, Javier,” you eagerly agreed, more than thrilled at the idea of seeing Chucho and the rest of Javi’s family again. They had always welcomed you from the start, treating like you family and never questioning or putting on shame on your relationship or how it started, “nothing would make me happier.”

“Great,” he grinned at you, a light tinge of pink rising in his cheeks. Sometimes it still surprised you at how shy and tender he could be, despite his past as the big bad DEA Agent, “I know they’ll be happy.”

“What about you, Javier?” you asked as you reached for his hand, gently taking it in yours and bringing it to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles, “are you happy?”

Javier offered you a soft smile, before pulling the rag off of his shoulder and tossing it off the counter. He slowly stepped around the counter and came over to your side taking your face in his hands before gently pressing a kiss to your forehead and then your cheeks, stopping only when he got your lips, “I am. Very, very happy. Why do you ask?”

“You spent so much of your life helping and protecting others, helping everyone else. I want you to let me take care care of you too. Happiness, yours and mine - that’s all that matters,” you beamed at him, “as long as you’re happy, then I’m happy too.”

“Have I told ever told you how much I love you? But there is something else...” you couldn’t help but sigh contently as you pressed another gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled back slowly and leaned against the counter, attempting to act casual as you tilted your head and gave him a curious look. He seemed nervous suddenly, and for some reason a small knot formed in your stomach. You knew it wouldn’t be anything horrible, but still...what if...what if it was? What if he was breaking up with you? But then again.... “no, no, no it’s nothing bad.”

“I wasn’t worried!” you lied as your voice climbed an octave and you quickly took a long drink from your glass of wine, “no, I wasn’t...”

“That look was all over your face,” he insisted with a small laugh as you threw back your head and sighed dramatically at the ceiling as he made a small sound of aha, “I know that look!”

“I wasn’t panicking...” you tried again, giving him a sheepish little look.

“Dulzura,” he put a hand on your cheek as he gently pushed your hair out of your face, “I know that face, and don’t even argue with me. You know I’m right...”

“Fine,” you agreed, “pray tell then, what’s on your mind? You’re not breaking up with me are you?”

“Am I what?” he pulled back and gave you a curious expression. Yup, apparently you’d gotten it very, very wrong, “no? Of course I’m not breaking up with you. That never even crossed my mind. Did you really think I would do that?”

“No,” you admitted honestly, “I just...don’t ever get nervous when someone says they have something to ask you?”

“I’m too old for that shit,” he said with a soft laugh before shuffling back around the counter going back to finish working on his dough, quickly grabbing out the little gingerbread man cookie cutter. He really was going all out for this, “I...I’ve been thinking.” 

“Oh, cherish the thought? Javier Peña - thinking? I’ll mark this day down on my calendar,” you snorted with laughter but for once Javier didn’t reciprocate the gesture. You stopped suddenly and pushed away the wine, leaning onto the counter and offering him your full attention, “Javi? What’s up? You can tell me anything.”

“When’s the lease on your place up?” he asked suddenly as you pulled back suddenly, wondering why he was asking. It took a moment to figure out where it was going, but when you slowly put two and two together, a little smile crossed your features. But you didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself so you decided to go along with him. 

“No particular time,” you admitted as you drummed your fingers along the stem of the wine glass, “it’s month to month. I can terminate it whenever.”

“It’s just...you’re practically living here anyway,” he concentrated on rolling out the dough to the perfect thickness, “and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have you paying for your apartment when you’re barely ever there and you have much so stuff here...i-i-it’s just a thought of course.”

The grin that stretched across your features threatened to break your face in half. You’d wondered about this, dreamed of it, if you were being honest, the moment the two of you would go from living in separate places to sharing one home. You’d been together for a few years now, and it was the logical next step in your relationship. It know it had been on his mind too was heart warming, and reassured you that this was every bit as serious as you thought it was. 

“Yes,” you slid of the stool and flounced over to him, pulling his attention away from the cookies and onto you. You put your hands in his face, tracing over his features bit by bit, committing it all to memory. You loved those eyes, the softest brown you had seen, so full of life and expression. The little crinkles around his eyes that seemed to be all consuming when he laughed. The mustache that you had once dubbed silly, but you adored so much, especially when it tickled your soft skin. The dimple that came out when he smiled and laughed, the warm golden skin that told stories from many different lives. 

You were so in love with him.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly as you nodded. He seemed to visually relax when he realized that you weren’t immediately repulsed or loathe to the idea. His strong hands found your waist as he pulled you close ad kissed you. It was such a small thing, so gentle and intimate, and you buried your face into his chest, “it’s just...yeah. I can’t wait for you to be here all the time. It’ll be a real home.”

“Home is wherever you are, Javier,” you promised, “if that’s here or someplace else in the future, You’re home.”

“I love you,” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head as you attempted to say something, but were quickly cut off by Stevie barking at the two of you and wagging his tail, “and you too, Stevie.”

“How are you going to get used to putting up with me all the time?” you teased as you nudged him to the side to start cutting out some of the cookies to bake, “although getting to wake up next to you every morning is something I very much welcome.”

“That sounds pretty good to me,” he stood behind you, caging you in his arms as he moved the cookies you cut out onto the baking sheet. You turned your head and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “we make a great team.”

“I agree,” he hummed in content as he went to turn on the oven, “want to decorate for Christmas this weekend?”

“Ooh, can we go pick a tree and everything?” you turned around with nothing but excitement on your face. Christmas was your favorite time of year and you loved doing anything that was associated with it, and now that you had your lover to spend it with it was even more magical. It was like things has slowly come together to finally bring you all of this happiness. Sometimes it didn’t even feel real, but when you laid in bed at night in his arms, or with him in your arms, you realized it was all very real. He grounded you like no other.

“Of course,” he agreed as he took the tray from your hands and put it in the oven, “we’ll go all out this year.”

“Bigger than last year?”

“Even bigger,” he promised, “but there’s one more thing...”

“Well, I already found out that you’re not breaking up with me, quite the opposite in fact,” you crossed your arms over your chest and gave him a playful expression, “what else could you possibly have up your sleeve?”

“When we go to Papá’s house, just know...they’re probably going ask about marriage. Our marriage, more specifically.”

“Our marriage?” you repeated as your raised your eyebrows and he let out a low groan, “Javier, we’re not married, they’re aware of that, right?”

“Oh yes, they know that,” he admitted, “but they’ve been asking when I’m going to ask you. Papá’s been particularly interested.”

“I’d expect nothing less from Chucho,” you laughed, putting him at ease, “don’t worry. I’ll come up with some sort of good comebacks.”

“Good,” he let out a long breath, “good. It’ll happen soon anyways.”

He carried on without skipping a beat as you watched him with an incredulous smile on your face. He hummed as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a few things from the fridge to start preparing for dinner.

"Javier?" you think he items out of his hand as you hastily set them on the counter, "w-what did you say?"

"A lot of things?" he shrugged, confusion marring his features, "want to get a little more specific?"

"Marriage. W-what about it?" you asked softly, "you said it would happen..."

"Of course," he grinned softly before moving past you to keep working on dinner, "I'm going to propose, don't you worry about that."

"Hmmm," you didn't even bother to try and hide the grin on your face, "kind of takes away the element of surprise, doesn't it?"

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted with a show off flourish of his knife, "it will still be a complete surprise. You don't know when I'm going to do it or where or how...so many things that will still be a big surprise."

"I suppose you're right," you agreed quietly moving to help him, "I look forward to your surprise then. One day, whenever it will be. I just have one request."

"Name it," he said softly, "whatever you want."

"I don't want a holiday proposal," you said with a soft shrug, "I think they're so overrated and cheesy. I want something...normal."

"Holiday proposals are normal," he said with a small snort, "and common. What's wrong with them?"

"I dunno," you said noncommittally, "I just want it to be special and not...forced or anything."

"So it's not the holiday thing, its the lack of sincerity?"

"Exactly," you agreed, "I know whatever you do will be perfect. I love you, Javier."

"I love you too, Dulzura," he kissed your temple as he grabbed a pot and set it on the stove. Your little request might have thrown a momentary wrench in his plan, but he was going to make it work regardless. He enjoyed a challenge just as much as he loved you and this would be the greatest yet.

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Mija! What are you doing in here?" Chucho sighed dramatically as he caught you in the kitchen attempting to round up some more food for the party that was going on. You shrugged simply and offered him a sheepish grin, "you are a guest go back out there and have fun. Let me get this!"

"Papá,” you grabbed the tray you had refilled and pushed past him to head back out, "I've got this. You're putting up with me and Javi, trust me, we should be doing this for you!"

"Ahhh, you're calling me that now," Chucho's dark eyes glittering with excitement as he abandoned what he was doing and followed after you. He took the tray out of your hands before you could protest and leaned in so only you could hear, "did my foolish son finally ask you to marry him? I've been telling him for at least the last year!"

A small laugh bubbled up in your throat as you looked across the room and caught Javi's eye. He froze for a moment before lifting his beer in the air and offering you a small smile before turning back to his own conversation, "not yet. But he did ask me to move in."

"Dios mio!" he exclaimed excitedly as a few people turned to look. He waved them off before setting the tray down as people already started clambering for more food, "its about time. I don't know what he's waited so long for! He's been crazy about you from the start...I've never seen him like that with anyone before."

"He just wants to get to take things slow," you said softly, the sheer thought of your early days with Javi bringing a smile back to your face. Back when he was just Professor Peña and you were his student...it seemed like a life time ago, "and I don't mind. I'm not going anywhere...and besides, he did promise he'd propose. Who knows when, but its worth the wait. Javier is worth the wait."

"A heart of gold and the patience of a saint," he gave your arm a squeeze as Javi made his way to the two of you, his arm immediately snaking around your waist as he pulled you into his side. A small sound of content escaped your lips as he kissed the crown of your head. Chucho shook his head before turning his attention to his son, “your lovely girlfriend here tells me you finally got the balls to ask her to move in. What took you so long!?”

“Papá,” he groaned as the older man just laughed, “it’s all working on its own time.”

“Time is ticking,” he pointed at his watch as you giggled and Javier just sighed heavily, “you better make an honest woman out of her and then you can give me a grandchild. I’d like one before I’m in the grave, Javier!”

“Okay,” his face slowly turned as red as the plaid of the shirt he was wearing as he put his arm around your shoulder and started to pull you away, “that’s enough of that for now. Papá, you will be the death of me!”

“Make the right decision, Javier. You know she’s the one!” you couldn’t help but laugh as Javier sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. You wrapped your arms around his waist and and pulled him tightly against you.

"Make the right decision, Javi," you teased before kissing him, "make me an honest woman."

"I told you I will in time," he promised, "you'll just have to wait and see."

"Hmm," you hummed into his chest, "until then I will enjoy living in sin with you."

"Oh yes," he snorted, "two teachers that spend their weekends with their dog or married friends doing wild things like baking and camping. Extremely sinful."

"Maybe not," you laughed before pulling him against you, "but I'd say the sex is pretty sinful."

"I can't argue with that," he agreed, "I like our lives. You're happy, right?"

"Yes," you promised, "very happy, Javier."

»»————-　♡　————-««

Javier glanced up, looking up at you from over his glasses as you walked into the bedroom, now dressed in pajamas and ready to wind down from your long day. He offered you a cheeky little smile before closing the book he was reading and setting it on the nightstand.

Christmas with the Peñas was always something else; loud, boisterous, and filled with nothing but laughter and love. You wouldn't have it any other way - but you still couldn't deny the appeal of getting into the warm, soft bed next to your lover.

"Hi," he said softly as he held open his arms for you, gently beckoning for to come to him, "you look beautiful."

"Javier," you chided playfully before flouncing over, moving to straddle his lap, "I'm pretty sure I haven't slept much in days my hair isn't done, no make up and I'm wearing my old ratty pajamas. Hardly beautiful."

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted as you rested your forehead against his, "you are always beautiful. Like this and every other way. I'm a lucky old fool."

"And what about me?" you asked as you reached up and rested your hand on his cheek, "how very lucky I am."

"Dulzura-"

"For once in your life, Javier Peña, please shut up," you shifted your hand and put it over his mouth, grinning like the Cheshire cat when you felt him smile. You could see that little glint in his eyes as you knew exactly what he was going to do. Ever the former agent, he beat you to the punch and licked across your palm as you pulled your hand away, the two of you giggling like children, "Javier!"

"I thought I was supposed to be quiet," he was so smug and proud of himself as he learned against the headboard, his arms crossed over his broad chest. You rolled your eyes dramatically before reaching up and taking off his glasses and setting them on top of his abandoned book.

"You are a dirty cheater," you insisted putting your hands on his chest and studying him, "now shut up for a moment."

"Yes ma'am."

"I love you, Javier," you leaned forehead so your nose was lightly nuzzled against his, your lips ghosting over his, "no matter how many times you think you're the lucky one, I want to know how much you mean to me as well. I love you more than anything, every bit."

"Dulzura..."

"Javier," you raised an eyebrow before carding a hand through his hair, tugging at his dark locks, "I love this head of hair, that mustache that would look silly on any other man, those eyes that tell me everything, the lips that are lush and lovely, that smile that makes my heart melt especially when you get really excited your dimple comes out and your eyes get all crinkly. That's my favorite...and your soft skin, always so warm and golden. You are everything, Javi. Please don't ever doubt that, even for a moment."

He was silent for a few long moments, his eyes locked on yours as he tried to figure out how to possibly respond. He brought a hand to the back of your neck, slowly bringing your closer to him before you took over and closed the gap, pressing your lips to his. It was a soft, gentle thing, neither of you in a rush as you took quiet solace in each other. There was something so intimate about this, when there was no rush and no endgame, just the two of you being.

"Javi," you whispered softly as you moved to lie down on top of him, "can I ask you something?"

"Obviously," he hummed as he pulled the blanket over you, his hand moving to rub gentle shapes on your back, "what's on your mind?"

"Chucho mentioned...about wanting a grandchild and it got me thinking..." you admitted. Children were something that had been mentioned in passing, but never really discussed. A lot of your friends were starting their families, as well as Javier's that either already had a family or were expanding their own. You'd never really given too much thought to it, always thinking that it never happened it happen or vice versa, but now, looking down at Javier's gentle face, you were rethinking your prior thoughts, "we've never really...do you think you'd ever want a kid?"

"I won't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind," he admitted as he brought a hand on your waist, resting it gently on your warm skin, "honestly, if you would have asked me ten years ago, I would have told you no. Hell, even five years ago."

"What about three years ago?"

"A no, but a little more open minded."

"Two years ago?"

"A maybe."

"A year go?"

"A probably."

"Now?"

"Yes," he answered softly as he smiled at you, his expression gentle in the light glow from the bedside lamp. You gnawed on your bottom lip as you nodded, your touch gentle on his face, "it would be a yes. But only, of course, if the potential mother was fully on board."

"Hmm...what's her name? I can call her up and ask," you playfully suggested, pointing at the phone before you both laughed. You kissed him, slowly - tenderly, before lying down against his chest and wrapping your arms around him, "I think...I think I want too. I've seen you with kids Javier, and you’re great with them, despite what you think. And they love you too, and a lot of time, honestly, I can’t help but imagine what a little one of our one would look like.”

“I...” he wrapped his own arms around you and held you tightly to his body as he let out a long exhale, “love you. I just don’t know...what if...”

“Javier,” his name was firm, resolute, from your lips as you looked at him, “you are a good man. You have always been one, and you’ve done so much to prove that to yourself, me, and everyone else, we all know it’s true. I know things are never easy, but this you have to trust me, okay? What children we have will be so lucky to have you as their father. I will entertain no arguments to the contrary, yes?”

His expression softened, almost like you had chased away any of the lingering fears and worries he had as he nodded slowly, that dimpled smile spreading across his features, “and you will be an amazing mother. We’re a pretty good team. huh?”

“I like to think so,” you agreed, “and that’s thing, Javier, you’re not alone in anything. I’m with you all the way, every time.”

“Yeah,” he whispered against your lips, “I knew that a long time ago. When you stayed, when you heard about all the things i did but you still stayed, and helped.”

“Because I love you, old man!”

“Do you know why I waited so long to ask you to move in?” his voice dropped so you could barely hear it and you tilted you heard, waiting for him to go on, “I was afraid when I finally asked you that would be the final straw, and you’d realize you didn’t want to be with me or...something.”

“After all this time?” you sighed lightly at him before touching his cheek, “you silly man. I wouldn’t have left if you asked a year ago or two, or  four years from now. You’re not getting rid of me! Besides, you always find me the best tea, and honestly I’ve got a little used to that...and I’m pretty sure I was promised an engagement, and I kind of...am not letting that one go either.”

“God, I love you,” he laughed as you kissed him and his large hands slowly found their way under the hem of your sweater. It was a way to ground himself, you’d realized a long time, but a still a sweet. intimate gesture, “do you...why does this feel so silly to get nervous about? If we were going to try for a baby, theoretically of course, have you given thought to when?”

“Yes and no,” you admitted, “part of me says we should just let it happen, and part of me says now, and part of me says never because of becoming a parent is fucking terrifying. What do you think?”

“I just...I feel like I’m getting older-”

“Javier, you’re only forty-four.”

“Facts are facts, Dulzura,” he laughed lightly, but this time it wasn’t bitter or self annoyed, “I don’t know, it’s really...if we do this, you’re the one who will be carrying the baby and giving birth, I really think a large part of is up to you.”

“Oh god, see that’s the part I’m trying not to think about.” you laughed lightly, “but the rest of it I’m totally on board with it. How about...how about we just let it happen? Like we don’t try, but we don’t not try. I think we’re both at a good place in our lives, and you know you have me forever and always.”

“What if we happened before we got married?” he asked as you shrugged lightly, “imagine what the old ladies in the neighborhood would think!”

“Ahh, fuck them,” you both laughed as he nodded, “they already know we’re living in sin. I mean we’ll be living together unmarried, have had plenty of premarital sex, not that I’m complaining at all, I hardly think having a baby would  make things worse. After the new year...I can talk to my doctor and stop taking my birth control and we can go from there. Besides, I don’t care what order we do things in. I know we’re not going anywhere.”

“That’s where you’re right,” he promised as he slowly say up, gently moving you out of his lap as you made a small sound of surprise, “can you close your eyes, Dulzura?”

“Javier,” you obliged him and tightly closed your eyes but just playing along further, you used your hands to cover them as well. Feeling cheeky, you teased, “is this some new form of foreplay?”

You listened to him shuffle around for a moment before he sighed heavily, although you could tell it was not at you. After a few moments of silence, you could feel him in front of you again, his natural warmth radiating onto you. He cleared his throat before almost whispering, “open your eyes.”

“Javier-” but your words were quickly suppressed and caught in your throat as you looked between the gorgeous ring he was holding and the nervous expression on his face. You opened and closed your mouth a few times as tears welled up and you realized exactly what was going on, “Javier.”

“Will you marry me?” he asked gently, looking so nervous as all you could do was nod and offer him the biggest smile you had ever given anyone. He reached for your hand before gently sliding the ring onto your finger, holding onto it delicately before wiping away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “I love you so much, Dulzura, more than you will ever know. You have made me so happy, have made life so much better than I thought it could ever be, from the moment I first saw you. I never thought I would ask someone to marry me again, I never thought I deserved this, but have thrown my life upside in the best ways possible. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life.”

You reached up and pulled him to your lips, giving him a gentle, salty kiss, “I love you more than anything else. I cannot wait to be your wife. I would have been content to never be married, as long as spent our lives together, but this is pretty good too. I like this, I like us, and I’m kind of looking forward to being Mrs. Pena.”

“It suits you,” he agreed with a nervous huff of laughter. He couldn’t believe he had actually managed to summon up the courage and do this, “I can’t wait either....I know you said you didn’t want a holiday proposal but this...just...I didn’t want to wait.”

“This was perfect, Javi,” you admitted, “see, I told you, it was all about the sincerity factor, and this was...I know this is just for us, and that’s what made it perfect. I know it came all from your heart. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How long have you the ring?”

“A while,” he confessed nervously, “I...ummm, I bought it a few months after we started dating. I just...I just wanted the timing to be perfect.”

“Javier,” you heart melted all over again as you looked at shy little smile. He had known - he had known it was you from the beginning, just like you had, “you’ve been carrying the ring around for almost three years?”

 “See when you say it like that it makes it seem so silly,” he confirmed your question as you practically jumped off the bed and barreled into his lap, wrapping him in your arms. You were safety, security, warmth, light, and love. You were home, “I just needed the perfect moment, and this was perfect.”

“I am so in love with you,” you whispered in his ear as you held. You just held him as he held you, silent but your breathing was in synch as you soaked in this moment. He was rocking you as he rubbed your back, “you know how I said you were a good man?”

“Yes...”

“I was wrong,” you pressed a kissed to his shoulder before working up his neck and jaw, stopping at his lips, “you are the best man.”

“Now you’re just flattering me,” he chased your lips with his own as you played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“It’s not flattery if it’s true,” you said with an air of finality, “now everyone can leave us alone and stop asking if we’re getting married.”

“You want to tell everyone, here and now, with the entire family here for Christmas?”

“Shit,” you both laughed, “let’s wait a while...at until after Christmas, otherwise we’ll never get out of here alive. Besides...I kind of want to enjoy this and keep it just for ourselves...as long as you’re okay with that.”

“That sounds perfect,” he agreed, “our little secret for now.” 

“I love you, Javier....you are everything.”

“I love you, Dulzura. Thank you for everything, you have made me the happiest man.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[littlev1234]

Simply, We Are

Fandom: Telltale’s The Walking Dead/The Walking Dead Video Game

Pairing: Javier/Jesus, brief one-sided Javier/Kate

Warnings: MAJOR spoilers, mentions of deaths, mentions of and allusions to sexual content

Words: 787

AO3 version: Simply, We Are

Summary: “Javier and Jesus had a thing, the community of Richmond collectively agreed.”

Note: Takes place in an ending where Kate, Gabe, and Conrad survive.

Javier and Jesus had a thing, the community of Richmond collectively agreed.

What exactly that “thing” was spawned countless rumors and bets. Some insisted that Javier considered the other man a close friend and possibly a fuck buddy, as Jesus never stayed longer than a couple days in town. But, others argued, the knowing smiles and soft looks between the two natural charmers happened far too frequently to be anything less than the deepest of romantic devotion.

When questioned on the topic, Javier and Jesus would only exchange borderline-mischievous grins with one another before shrugging and saying “we are what we are.”

Kate and Gabe, who shared an apartment with Javier, naturally knew more than the rest. They had seen Javier retreat into his bedroom with Jesus close behind, and more than once she had spotted a hickey peeking out from underneath Javier’s shirt.

Without a doubt the men found sexual enjoyment in each other. How it ran deeper than that, though, she decided not to ponder on.

Gabe had tentatively asked her, during one of Jesus’ visits, if she was okay.

And, with a glance outside the window, where she could see Javier laughing jovially and leaning on Jesus’ shoulder below on the sidewalk, she responded yes.

Her heart still ached from Javier’s rejection. Though the pangs had lessened significantly, the what-could-have-beens haunted her in her darkest moments. But acceptance had a way of soothing and promoting understanding, and she believed he of all people deserved happiness no matter where it came from.

So she devoted herself to helping Richmond, trying her best to become the mother Gabe needed, and playfully teasing Javier about the ambiguous relationship.

And she found that this new role kept her contented, too.

A few times people interrogated Gabe about his uncle’s connection to Jesus. Most anticipated that he, a teenager, would be far more willing to divulge juicy gossip without censoring himself.

Instead Gabe proved equally as frustrating; he would impishly cross his arms, like he gained a little thrill from withholding a precious secret, and tell them to ask Javier and Jesus.

Gabe looked forward to Jesus’ visits; he was almost as cool as his uncle (unless he was that wearing medieval armor, which in that case, sorry, Javi, but Jesus looks way more badass, and Javier of course agrees). The older man bluntly voiced opinions and serious advice that the teenager appreciated, and the downplayed stories of his nearly superhuman feats never failed to amaze.

All in all, Gabe approved of the unnamed bond. His support increased moreso late one night when he woke and left his room for a cup of water. Instead of heading to the kitchen, he noticed the two figures embracing in the living room, and he stopped in his shadowed doorway. Javier’s face lay hidden in the crook of Jesus’ neck. Jaw clenched, he breathed unsteadily from not-quite sobs. Jesus’ eyes appeared closed, and his head was bowed. His gloved fingers, seeking a grounding presence, tightly gripped Javier’s shirt. The two survival icons had shed the charisma and strength they upheld for the world; in this moment they were nothing more than two haunted men who had crumpled into each other, wallowing in weakness so they could bear the weight of the world in the morning.

Not wanting to intrude further, Gabe chose to return to bed and ignore his dry mouth. He never told anyone of that night.

With each hello followed another goodbye. Life had confirmed this fact for Conrad. So the lonely man wondered how Javier managed to see Jesus off time after time with a smile.

Conrad stood alongside Javier, Kate, Gabe, and a few others to see Jesus off yet again. After the customary farewells, Javier stepped closer to the horse and reached up. Without hesitation Jesus gripped the younger man’s forearm, and their gazes communicated a conversation Conrad couldn’t even begin to interpret.

He had wondered himself what the connection between two men was. He knew what being in love looked and felt like—not a day passed without his mind replaying a tender moment with Francine. However, he found that romantic was not a term he could accurately apply to this situation. There was something else to it, details he couldn’t grasp.  

The rest of Richmond would undoubtedly continue to gossip and ponder, and he understood why. Who wouldn’t want to figure out what kept Javier and Jesus returning to each other, what kept their partnership steady through time and distance, what kept them so inherently connected that trust and understanding replaced longing?

Well, Conrad eventually mused, maybe there was no label that perfectly explained everything they were.

And in the end, that was just fine.