#all my homies hate christmas

[toothpasteisrabiesfoam]

NO CHRISMAS IS COMING TOO EARLY THIS YEAR! THEYVE TAKEN OCTOBER!!! WE CANT ALLOW THIS! I JUST SAW A HOME DEPOT HOLLIDAY AD, WTF?!?

[patema-introverted]

[iamthekaijuking]

Happy Krampusween for all who celebrate!

[cadaverchan]

[binch-i-might-be]

there's evil on the horizon (fucking christmas)

[mayflydecember]

fuck parents and fuck the holidays

[steelycunt]

FINISHED MY BORING FUCKING ESSAY WAHOOOO!!!!! now i get to do the fun one on the politics of british punk peace and love on the planet earth always remember <3

[irn-bru]

me seeing the huge delivery of Christmas jammies this morning

[sanguineterrain]

hi sanne 💕 i’m here again to wish you a good week sweets! the last days of November are upon us, time to say goodbye to all the bad that happened this month and start anew. here’s some extra love and positive vibes, a bit of magic too 🪄, to make it through the upcoming days 🫶✨💖 you can do it!!!

I meant to answer this on Alix Monday ARGH. Thank you Alix, I am ready to move on from November that's for sure!!! I need some extra love 🫂❤️ happy almost December!

[bythewaygoose]

Yay, Christmas, the time of year when I'm forced to spend time with all the homophobes/transphobes/right-wing radicals/.... . Part of my family. I'm sure they won't make any silly comments or say anything stupid after I had a relationship with a trans man earlier this year

[sure-thing-casey]

Prison Radio

requesting Round Here on prison radio when I knew you’d be listening

remember when the family fought over who’d pay for your phone calls remember how you felt like a burden even through the bars

to the wind now I whisper you only ever made my life better

Casey O’Brien, 2023

[just-absolutely-super]

Toddler crack

Remix: I gooder at math now!

Patch: gooder? Do you mean better?

Remix: I show you my math. 10 plus 1 is eleven!

Patch: that's good Remix

Remix: I gooder at math than Patch!

Patch: I don't think so, but keep practicing

Remix: nu-uh! You show me your math

Patch: alright.

Patch shows Remix his math homework

Remix: words in math? That's not math

Patch: it's a written task. "If Bernie has five chocolates, and each chocolate has 10 pieces each. How many pieces of chocolate does Bernie have?"

Remix: not math! Math doesn't have words

Patch: my math does! Just ask your dad again

(I like to think that Patch doesn't have the same burning hatred for math that Lan does, but he doesn't love it either)

(Patch is average at math. It’s not his favorite subject but he’s able to pick up on it and doesn’t throw a fit about it. When it comes to math he’s on average a B+ student but is able to make A’s too)

Remix: Papaaaaa!!!

Mega: Oh no, what’s wrong now, Remix?

Remix: Patch’s math make no seeeense!

Mega: Well, it doesn’t make sense now but it will when you’re older…

Remix: Math has numbers! Patch’s math has words! Why? Not maaaaath!

Mega: Those are what we call “word problems” son. They talk about the problem and you put it together to solve it

Remix: What? But, but, but makes no sense! Math shouldn’t have words! It only needs numbers!

Lan: THANK YOU! I’ve been saying that for years!

Mega: You shush! Don’t corrupt my son!

[neon-danger]

was my last fully completed multi chapter fic really coffee and Christmas 💀💀

[haematopoieticsystem]

the absolute weight that gets lifted off of u when u realize christmas is fucking over <3

[that-thing-in-the-closet]

Shoutout to Ranboo who just said something so fucking absurd on Aimseys stream that i instantly stopped sobbing to try and figure out what the actual fuck was wrong with them

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': The Outpost

As per many people's requests, I've collected a series of texts and Facebook messages from Doug when he watched certain episodes of everyone's favorite Copy Paste Boi show.

Some he was quite pithy on ('Ryan-from-Accounting goes fast but not fast enough to get away from the Bitch Wife Laura'), and others...well, he got excitable, to put it mildly.

Here's one of the more deranged ones, Season 2, Episode 12, 'The Outpost'. Or as Doug calls it: "The Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special."

CW for Language like you wouldn't believe. Doug says "you'll need a permission slip from your momma to read this, I guess."

-----

Daddy Warcrimes is waiting by the Empire's equivalent of a windowless van, because comfort is just not his thing and he really wants the experience of smuggling cocaine across the border one of these days.

Some bitch who looks like she works at a bank is telling these clones that their extended warranty is up. I wanna bring her a bag of pennies and make her count it before I deposit it because I'm sick like that.

So here comes in SOME BLOND JACKASS. Mother of Hell do I hate this guy. Can I just tell you how much I hate him? I hate him like I hate the Crimson Tide, like I hate February, like I hate my mother-in-law. Hate hate hate. 

So Daddy Warcrimes, SOME BLOND JACKASS, and some homies get into Floating Probable Cause to lay waste to an unsuspecting Third World country or whatever.

Well, I was wrong! Looks like Elsa and her frozen fingers took over this dump. Disney owns both, so why not. The cold never bothered them anyway. Nope, they’re at somebody’s nasty old storage shed. Why does this remind me of visiting my sister in Wyoming?

Oh, who is this no-frills, salt-of-the-earth, son-of-a-bitch? Is that tanned Kurt Russell? No? It’s Sassy Park Ranger! I like him already. If he was my boss I’d actually show up to work on time and sober, or late and hung over, either way, it’d be a good time with the man. He just seems cool and chill and a nice dude. I bet he’s got homemade beef jerky in his locker and his beard always smells like cigar smoke. 

OH SHUT UP STUPID BLOND JACKASS, Jesus Christ I’ve never wanted to hit someone with a folding chair so hard in my life. CALL HIM COMMANDER.

Aw, Sassy Park Ranger’s being nice to Daddy Warcrimes, maybe Daddy Warcrimes will share the Columbian nose candy in the back of the van with Sassy Park Ranger, and Sassy Park Ranger won’t ask about the sobbing family Daddy Warcrimes is probably holding for ransom in the back. It’s all about understanding each other. 

This is truly the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas special, snow and friendship and stuff. I hope this doesn’t end up with Daddy Warcrimes 86’ing Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer from the sky, that would traumatize the children. But this is the same studio that produced Bambi so who knows. Didn't he try killing a kid the first episode?

Oh man, Sassy Park Ranger’s lost a lot of his men, that’s real sad. Only two left, Jesus. SHUT UP BLOND JACKASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

(I won’t repeat it, but the amount of times that SHUT UP was texted was….something else- Dr. MM)

Sassy Park Ranger’s taking Daddy Warcrimes on a hike around the place in the middle of a blizzard, probably going to say hi to the yeti hooker they all frequent and show him how to write his name in the snow with pee. He’s such a good guy. If they go sledding I’d be so happy.

Oh, shit! Daddy Warcrimes remembers that he has a job and proceeds to cop some poor bastard in the leg so he can follow the trail of blood in the snow. What in the Fargo am I watching here, does Steve Buschemi show up at one point now. No sledding in this one, I guess.

Well there goes Sassy Park Ranger and Daddy Warcrimes on a heartwarming romp following a crippled burglar in the snow as he bleeds to death. Kevin McCallister would be so proud. Well, now, they found a dead body already. You know, at this point, if Daddy Warcrimes capped Santa in the head this show wouldn’t be less wholesome. 

Aw shit Daddy Warcrimes stepped on a landmine, but Sassy Park Ranger watched his training videos that HR made them sit through and disarms it. They’re having a nice convo, I really, really like Sassy Park Ranger. If he dies I’ll be so freaking mad. 

(I said nothing, FYI - Dr. MM)

Aw shit, they found the bunker of crazy white people with guns in the snow. It’s confirmed: the Daddy Warcrimes Christmas Special takes place in Wyoming. Are Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger facing off my brother-in-law and his branch of the VFW near Laramie? Those guys need hobbies besides doomsday prepping and getting drunk in the snow. It ain’t right. 

“After all we sacrificed”…man. I feel right here. Is this the child friendly version of Enemy at the Gate? Shit. Please these two bastards need to survive. I need a beer and I wanna hug my wife.  

Dr. Meat Muffin, please don't tell me you're letting your babies watch this show. They need that dog from Australia who has fun with her daddy, not this.

Oh shit, avalanche! 

Oh no, Sassy Park Ranger. Oh no, oh no. Oh, Daddy Warcrimes.

Thank Christ they made it! They’re gonna save him! They’re gonna save him.

Wait. What. 

WHAT THE FUCK, BLOND ASSHOLE. 

I HATE THIS JACKASS SO GODDAMNED MUCH, SOLDIER OF THE EMPIRE, I WANNER SHOVE MY SOLDIER UP YOUR EMPIRE YOU STUPID DICK. 

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Yay! Daddy Warcrimes finally took out his gun and 86’d that FUCK. CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!

Man...I hope this ends okay for Daddy Warcrimes. I hope his brothers aren't just dicking around somewhere warm while he and the other bros are out dying.

Guess that'll be next episode?"

....Doug snapped SO HARD watching 'Pabu'. Brace yourselves.