#all my banal fantasies in one place lol

[homosociallyyours]

Nosy meme: 2, 6, 12, 13, 19, 20, 22, 29, 33, 47, 50. 💜

OMG thank you Brynn!! So many questions to answer :) I’m putting it under a cut bc I know it’s gonna get long...AND YES IT DID. 

2) What are you obsessed with right now? Below Deck, this ridiculous Bravo show that follows a charter yacht through an 8 week season of trips. It’s dramatic and full of wealthy people like most Bravo shows, BUT it’s also following the people who staff the boat, not the guests, so it’s more relatable than Real Housewives. I just wrote a one shot ficlet about 2 of the women on one of the more recent seasons yesterday. Ridiculous. 

6) Describe your dream home. I feel like I always have a slightly different answer for this. Right now: my ideal home would be pretty small, maybe 700-800 sq ft, with a single bedroom, painted a vibrant pink and accented with green and white (think climbing vines with tiny, bright white blooms) and a small alcove done in a pale blue that housed a murphy bed for guests. The kitchen would be ultra organized to optimize space (I would NOT be the one to do this) and would be equipped with an air fryer, slow cooker, instant pot, and microwave in addition to standard brand new appliances. There’s a fold down table that can seat up to 4 in the kitchen, though it’s usually just set up for me. The bathroom has a shower done with celadon green tile with a bench seat built in and glass doors. The living room is small and simple, but there’s a big comfortable grey couch and a tv. The whole house has hardwood floors, and the windows each have a bit of stained glass in them up top so the light is sometimes colored as it filters in. There’s a covered carport with a doggie bath area and a chest freezer, and in the fenced back yard there’s a hot tub and comfortable lounging furniture among all the greenery. The house doesn’t have a lawn tho, fuck that. You can’t hear sounds from the street-- it’s a quiet house. I live alone unless i want a visitor. It sounds so nice.  

12) What’s one of your fantasies? Having my dream home as above, lol. But really my most typical fantasy is being able to afford a weekend away at a fancy airbnb by the ocean that allows dogs. It turns out the owner is fat butch dyke who loves dogs and we end up playing scrabble together sitting at a picnic table outside. She offers to cook me dinner; I put together a cheese plate while she grills steaks and broccoli, and we basically fall in love, turning my silly 2 day vacation into a lifetime of slow, sweet, happy love. ://////////

13) Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? I would, maybe? But also idk bc they’re extremely sensitive already and I don’t want them to lose sensation BUT i also don’t want them to be more sensitive bc that could cause legit problems. 

19) If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to? Nah, I like my name. Though if I were going to change it I think I would just go by a variation of my first name-- Dottie. 

20) What is something you’re obsessed with? Other than Below Deck? Yorkshire Gold tea. I bought it bc Louis Tomlinson drinks it and my whole life changed for the better. It’s SO FUCKING GOOD, ok? It rarely tastes bitter, even when you accidentally oversteep it, and the flavor and aroma are surprisingly complex for a simple black tea. I have been into teas since I was a teenager, and while I could never entirely give up some of my single origin black teas, Yorkshire Gold is my current (forever?) go to for a daily cuppa. 

22) Tag someone you think is hot. HELP I don’t experience attraction this way anymore :p Literally idk who to tag?? WAIT @mxaether!!! Kams is super hot in all the ways, I adore them so much. 

29) What’s the most overrated movie? In general anything directed or written by a white man who’s made lots of movies. I really try not to watch slogs like that anymore, but the last movie I watched that genuinely made me want to yell was The Dark Knight. Do I remember the plot? NO bc my ass was BORED BORED BORED and when I kinda thought it was about to be over NOPE! there was another hour of the movie left. Fuck that garbage. I haven’t seen it but I’m pretty sure I’d feel the same about that Snyder cut of Justice League. I read a long synopsis/breakdown of the movie (from someone who loved it!!!) and spent the whole time frowning with disgust bc it sounded like The Worst Thing I Could Ever Sit Through. 

33) If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? For the most part, not that different? I would have an endless supply of incredibly soft, comfy leggings with bright, eye-catching colors and patterns along with stretchy, form fitting dresses that were equally loud. Soft, loafer style slippers in a variety of colors. All my under things would be high end and custom made (also colorful! no white underpants! ever!) I would also have access to ultra fancy party clothes: stretchy, body con jumpsuits with plenty of sparkle (picture: a coppery jumpsuit that fits tight through the hips and ends with a high waist, the top slit in a deep V but draping softly with a bit of volume. The back has a light, diaphanous, cape of sorts), twirly dresses, etc. Everything is INCREDIBLY comfortable and easy to move in, but glam and fun and whimsically sexy?  

47) If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick? None celebrity, left beef. :P Truthfully tho it’s Alex Guarnaschelli...she cooks for me, I serve her in any and every way she wants or needs. Would also say Lizzo but I worry that her partying days are still here and I know I wouldn’t be able to keep up. 

50) What’s your favorite kind of weather? Sunny but breezy, almost cool in the shade, for midday. In the evening the temperature drops enough that you’re grateful for a sweater but not so much that you’re ever actually chilled, and around 2am there’s a light but steady rain for an hour or two that’s barely noticeable by noon the next day. 

If anyone read all of these and for some reason wants to send me more, the asks are here

[magickedteacup]

I got a job in Japan.

I. It is me. I got a job in Japan.

🎉

Me. The loser who spent my weekend coming back to my ex-workplace clinic to clean up and sort clinical paperwork, like a professional, because my unprofessional workplace didn’t give me enough time to do it properly before unceremoniously giving me the axe. 

I’m shooting out across the sea baby. 

-

Or I could change my mind and take one of the many, numerous jobs in this rural midwestern town I’ve been in for the past year and a half. There’s like 5 places in need of SLPs around here that would scoop me up.

Or I could. You know. Go to Japan. (It’s with a place run by a Japanese American. So to be clear, I’d be in Japan, but not working in the type of notoriously toxic workforce environment that one hears a lot about). 

...In all seriousness though, there is a small part of me that’s like. You could could just pick up another job around here. Out in the quiet rural midwest. Where you know what to expect, more or less, in all it’s quaint banality. 

I’m going to entertain that fantasy for a little bit, and then book my flight lol. 

[dillydedalus]

january reading

why was this january at least 3 months long

unequal affections, lara s. ormiston (audio) this is jane austen fanfiction about an alternate version of the story where lizzy does accept darcy’s first proposal - their ensuing engagement, which (because lizzy doesn’t go off about how she feels about darc in this one) is full of unspoken conflicts and tensions & hella awks. the initial premise needed some suspension of disbelief but once i got over that i found it super enjoyable, pretty believable in terms of character interactions and interiority (darcy is a dick), funny & sweet. i don’t think i will necessarily start getting into JAFF now (tho goodreads rly thinks i should), but this was just. nice. wholesome. also now i want to reread p&p..... 3/5

lincoln in the bardo, george saunders (uni) ya know what i really liked this. this is about abraham lincoln mourning his young son willie during the civil war, not exactly a topic i’m particularly (at all) interested in, but the execution is so cool - it’s told partly thru fragments from historical records, books, letters (both real and imagined) and partly thru the voices of the many ghosts stuck in a kind of limbo in the graveyard, who are trying to get willie to move on, while they themselves desperately try to stay in limbo, bitter about what went wrong in their lives and in denial about their state. & it’s done really well, the polyphony and contradiction of the historical record (one chapter has a bunch of quotes about how ugly lincoln was & then the last is like ‘idk i thought he was kinda handsome’), and the ghosts are so sad & bitter & desperate & hopeful. 4/5

the steppe & other stories, anton chekhov (tr. from russian) bunch of short stories from 1880-1890s russia. to be honest, i found most of them pretty boring, although ‘the duel’ is pretty good, an interesting look at how sticking too closely to your worldview/ideology/morality will probably either make you a useless disaster person or a eugenicist douchebag. some of the other stories were okay as well, but overall: 2/5, i’mma stick with his plays

perfectly preventable deaths, deirdre sullivan  teenage ocd witch book! this is a pretty good YA witchy horror book about twins who move into their new stepdad’s castle (yeah he has a castle) in a weird irish village where girls have been going missing for decades. creepy magical-ish things start happening (of course) & our narrator isn’t sure whether her sister’s new age-inappropriate boyfriend is just creepy, or creepy. i love the concept of ocd witchery & the atmosphere is really good as well, but the pacing is off, with slow build-up & a climax that happens way too quickly. also like can someone please say the word ocd it’s not gonna kill ya. 3/5

the priory of the orange tree, samantha shannon gonna be controversial here & say... yeah this should have been a duology. give the world some room to breathe, give the characters some room to breathe (give me another book w/ a cover this spectacular). anyway, this is a bigass book about eastern vs western dragon lore, a holy queendom (go sabran of inys!!), dragonriders, lesbian sword mages, how religion & historiography marginalises women, and magical trees. & like, okay, i wrote a lil thing right after finishing it about how i had some quibbles with it but enjoyed it overall but you know what? the more i think about it/let it sit the more complaints i have and the more annoyed/disappointed i get. 1) i liked all the characters fine, but none of them feel like they have any depth - i feel like i could sum all of the main characters up in like 3-4 words, and while i was rooting for ead/sabran, even this, the most central relationship of the book felt... surface-level. like, there were some big emotional moments but generally all i felt was like ‘good for her’ or ‘that sucks i guess’, 2) this world & its mythology is very much inspired by eastern vs western dragonlore so i understand the need to ground the fantasy world with real-world parallels but the extent to which some of the countries are literally just fantasy versions of real countries was... frustrating? irritating?? this is especially grating as, while inys is very clearly fantasy!britain, there is a lot of cool world-building (religion, aristocracy, history/myth) to make it more than that, while fantasy!japan and fantasy!china are literally just ... ‘what if japan but with dragons’. i did like fantasy!netherlands because at least you don’t see that a lot. 3) so much of the plot is just people travelling to different locations to get and transport different items but most of the travelling is cut short by some magical animal/being turning up and just transporting them in a cutscene.. 4) considering that this is all about dragonlore the dragons sure aren’t as important in the end as the three macguffins of power. 5) i loved so much about kalyba but not where it led, that said i want a kalyba-hawthorn-nurtha backstory.   okay that’s it for now but like. idk. this had a lot of potential but the execution was just severely flawed. 2/5 

trust exercise, susan choi this was super hyped, especially for a game-changing twist of some kind, but has a rather low rating on goodreads (3.18!) so y’all know i was intrigued. i’m not going to give away the twist because it is genuinely really cool if not really all that original, but this is a really clever & cool book about theatre kids, teenage dramatics, constructing your own narrative and what that excludes, elides, changes, and most of all consent & abuse (some very triggering depictions of sex/sexual abuse here). i really liked this, and am considering buying a copy so i can reread it. 4/5

soldiers of salamis, javier cercas (tr. from spanish by anne mclean) very meta novel about a writer called javier cercas writing a book (tentatively called soldiers of salamis) about a (real) falangist poet who escaped a mass execution & survived in the forest for a while with a group of republican deserters. ‘cercas’ researches, speculates, despairs, talks to roberto bolano (who compliments his previous books lol), and finally tracks down the man who he believes/imagines/hopes to be the soldier who let said fascist poet go, leading him to consider who really should be remembered & written about. made me think about that one poem about reading ezra pount that ends w/ a veteran saying ‘if i knew a fascist was a great poet, i’d shoot him anyway.’ interesting book altho i far prefer his book anatomy of a moment, one of the weirdest & most fascinating nonfic books i’ve read. 3/5

the stopping places, damian le bas (audio) damian le bas comes from a settled british romani family and, feeling somewhat unsure about his place in & connection to the community, he decided to go on a roadtrip through britain (+france) in a van to seek out the atchin tans or stopping places, starting with the ones his great-grandmother remembers from her childhood before the family became settled. he combines the travelogue with insights into romani culture(s) (mainly british) and history, as well as his own family history. it’s really interesting & engaging (the history&culture more so than the travelogue) and le bas narrates the audiobook himself & sounds like a cool dude. 3.5/5

confessions of a bookseller, shaun bythell  bythell records a year of working as a second-hand bookseller, with an entry for every day. he talks about the impact of amazon, rude & weird customers (but also nice customers), his weird staff, and some of the books he’s reading. the look into bookselling in the age of amazon is pretty interesting but much of this is banal & repetitive, & if it wasn’t the perfect thing to read in little bits while at work i probably would have dnf’d it. 2/5

giacomo joyce, james..... joyce  super short story by my man jamesy joyce that never made it out of manuscript (literal). not much to say about this - it’s interesting to see jj play around with themes while still working on portrait & thinking bout ulysses & the prose is nice, but the whole english tutor feels attracted to his student is a bit... eh. 3/5

[kateofthecanals]

Thoughts on The Last Jedi

Chock full o’ spoilers under the cut, which I have divided into stuff I liked and stuff I didn’t like, so it’s not ALL bad, lol.

Please note, though, that these are my impressions after only one viewing. I definitely need to see it again (and I will soon), and I’ll be reading everyone else’s posts and meta (good and bad), so my feelings might change...

Until then...

*deep sigh*

Okay, so, my chief problem with this movie is that the first 2/3 of it basically turned out to be pointless. There was all this terrific setup and seeding -- like, literally, those scenes between Rey and Kylo were plucked right out of my fantasies and headcanons over the past 2 years -- but then in the last 30-40 minutes it was like “oh haha just kidding!” and we ended up in the same place we were at the end of TFA. The characters didn’t actually evolve. They went through ALL that but just seemed to ultimately decide that they were better off where they were before. Nothing ultimately mattered -- the Force bond, the hand touch, Snoke’s murder, the team-up in the throne room, the revelation of Rey’s parents, etc... What did that actually accomplish if Kylo was just gonna go right back on his bullshit and Rey was gonna go right back to the Resistance like nothing even happened?

Breaking down more specific things below...

STUFF I LIKED:

- As I said, those early scenes between Rey and Kylo, feeling out their Force-bond, were terrific. Everything I had been hoping for. FORCE-BOND CONFIRMED!

- The Hand Touch scene omigaawwwwd. It was basically Force-sex, complete with Force-gasm. The way it was filmed, the insinuation was preeeeetty clear -- the soft, warm lighting, the fact that Kylo took off his glove so as to facilitate SKIN-TO-SKIN contact, the EXTREME CLOSE-UP of their fingertips where you could see their fingerprints, the little gasp Rey let out.... It was the hottest, most sexually-intense scene I could have imagined without any actual sex being involved. Very clever of Rian, considering this is a Disney movie and whatnot. Too bad they got caught by lame Uncle Luke! ;-P

- 8-PACK CONFIRMED!!! I actually saw a post about this scene prior to the movie but I thought it was just a JOKE. I cannot believe they actually did that, I was laughing so hard. Primarily because you just KNOW Kylo did that shit on purpose, thinking to himself “Hmmm, what can I do to Seduce Her To The Dark Side...? Why, she’ll never be able to resist my SWEET PECS!” Like... bro... stop. LMAO. Anyway, I appreciate the catering to the female gaze. ;-)

- R.I.P. Rey Skywalker and Rey Solo. Can we please move on now? (Though a friend did say he suspected the revelation of Rey’s parents wasn’t actually true, but, like, she was the one who confirmed it, so why wouldn’t you believe it???)

- R.I.P. Finnrey? Between Rose smooching Finn, and Rey grinning as she watched Finn hold vigil over injured Rose, I think we can say yes. Or maybe we’re just being trolled here too...

- The team-up in the throne room made me soooo happy; even the other people in the theatre were cheering. I’d LIKE to think that this is foreshadowing a future partnership of some sort between them, but... 

- The fact that, after learning the truth about Kylo, Rey insisted on calling him Ben. He seemed really affected by that too. Well, for a little while anyway...

- PORGS, GLORIOUS PORGS! I just wish there had been more of them, LOL. But I’m sure Rian wanted to use them sparingly so they wouldn’t wear out their welcome, so he achieved that at least. 

- I think I’m content with how Luke’s story was resolved. I have to ponder it some more before reaching solid conclusions, but he went on his own terms, which I think is the best we could have hoped for. And we can be sure there will be tons of Luke Force-Ghost action in Episode 9, lol.

- When Rey and Kylo had hand-sex, she saw Kylo becoming Ben again, and Kylo saw himself and Rey ruling the Galaxy side-by-side. I don’t think those were mutually exclusive visions of the future -- if this trilogy is all about finding Balance, then I think that the truth of those visions (filtered and interpreted between two very disparate perceptions) will meet somewhere in the middle. My headcanon endgame for Reylo has always been Rey and Ben becoming Gray Jedi and teaming up to “rule” the Galaxy from a position of that ever-coveted Balance, so I think that is what those visions could be hinting at. At least, I’d like to think so, but those last 30-40 minutes gave me major reservations...

- So, I’m putting this one under Stuff I Like but it’s not something I really liked or disliked, I just thought it was a bizarre choice, and that was this sudden playing of Hux strictly for laughs. Like, yeah, in TFA, he was a great source of comedy for myself and others (#coasters), but the whole reason he was so funny was because of how utterly seriously he (and the film) took himself. But then he became somewhat of a caricature of himself in TLJ -- like an SNL sketch version of Hux. I mean, I enjoyed it and was entertained, but it was just an odd choice to me.

STUFF I DIDN’T LIKE:

- The turning point for me, going from “YES YES YES!” to “oh...” was immediately after the team-up in the throne room, when I quickly realized that Kylo didn’t kill Snoke because he suddenly “woke up”, and he didn’t do it for Rey... he did it so that HE could be the HBIC. He didn’t change at all. His ambitions only became amplified.

- I was really bummed when Snoke “revealed” that he was the one who facilitated the Force-bond between Kylo and Rey, but I was relieved to see this wasn’t the case after all at the end when Kylo and Rey had that one last Force-encounter. But again, what was this actually worth in the end? She closed the door on him. It was established in this film, via Luke, that a Force user can close themselves off to the Force. Who’s to say Rey won’t do the same to Kylo? That she will find a way to cut him off completely? There’s literally nothing stopping her, because she has clearly given up on him...

- ... as has everyone else. And with good reason, tbh. The moment Kylo threw Rey under the bus for Snoke’s death, declared himself new Supreme Leader, and went fucking buckwild on Luke, I knew all hope for redemption was gone. Even Leia was like, “nope, I was wrong, he’s lost for good.” Basically what I got out of this movie was, Rey and Kylo “flirt” with the other sides of the Force for a hot second but then just ultimately decide that they belong where they were in the first place. Gee wow what awesome character development...

- The revelation of Rey’s parents was just so... banal. I felt like this was thrown in there just to put the question to rest, without any additional thought or exploration, even though that was made such a HUGE deal of in TFA. But, nah, they were “nobodies”, end of story, case closed, that’s all she wrote. It was never even explained how Kylo knew about Rey’s parents!!

- I’ve seen people claim that this movie “shuts down” anti arguments for good and that is simply not the case. There is still plenty of ammo from this movie they can use, chief among them Kylo’s cringeworthy statement to Rey that “You’re nobody. But not to me.” Oh great, I can see the Discourse already... reeeaaaally wish Rian hadn’t thrown fuel on the fire like that, but here we are. I mean, there’s some degree of justification in that (a) Kylo can’t people and this was the only way he could think to convince Rey to stay with him by playing off her one biggest weak spot, and (b) he’s perpetuating the cycle of abuse tactics instilled in him by Snoke, but NEITHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE GOOD EXCUSES. Like, okay Kylo, it’s lovely that she means something to you, but telling her that YOU are the only one who sees something special in her is a dick move for sure. (Basically, the scene felt like the Blackwater to me, with Kylo trying to implore Rey to come with him, she refusing, and him just flipping the fuck out on her... YA BLEW IT, SON! Hopefully, though, like Sandor, Kylo will realize that, if he REALLY wants to be with Rey, he has to become a better man... that HE has to change for HER and not the other way around... But I am not hopeful this is a direction Lucasfilm will ultimately decide to take.)

- I’m glad everyone’s happy that Kylo didn’t actually KILL Leia (which I knew he wouldn’t) but I dunno how many brownie points he gets considering he still let those other fighters take her out... I mean, she SHOULD have died, but apparently she’s from Krypton or something? LOL... But anyway, I mean, he may have not known that those other fighters were around him, but he still could have done SOMETHING, but he didn’t.

- And he barely even flinched when Snoke was torturing Rey. You’d think that, I don’t know, since they have a Force-bond and everything, that he would have been able to feel her pain or something???

- During Kylo’s attack on Crait, at a certain point (around the time Luke shows up), Rey just, like, disappears, completely, and doesn’t show up again until the very end to do her rock-lifting trick. Firstly, where the hell was she that whole time, but more importantly, wouldn’t it have been kind of awesome if, like, she could sense what was happening between Kylo and Luke and using their Force-bond try to talk him out of it? And see him actually STRUGGLE with it because he’s still torn between wanting to be with her and wanting to be the Big Bad? Buuuut no, because at that point, both their minds were made up, and Rey had given up on him anyway.

- On a more technical level, I was really disappointed by how the Force-bond sequences were filmed. I expected way more from Rian Johnson; this was something any first-year film student could have come up with. Now, I’m not claiming to be “better than Rian Johnson”, but in my headcanons of Rey and Kylo’s Force-conversations, there was a noticeable atmospheric shift -- some sort of visual cue that something “different” was going on... Instead of just this basic cutting back and forth between them in their respective locales. Meh.

- I didn’t find Rose that memorable, sorry. And her whole mission with Finn, much like the Kylo/Rey storyline, ended up being completely pointless, thanks to Admiral Holdo needlessly keeping vital info about her plans from Poe. WHY??? All of it was just an elaborate excuse to send Finn off on another adventure where he would end up back with the First Order so he could finish off Phasma, period. Like, yeah, there was that little hint at the very end that those kids who took care of the fathiers would, like, have something to do with the Resistance in the next movie, but honestly that could have just been a little meta commentary about how kids have been inspired by the Star Wars franchise over these past 40 years. Which is nice and all, but Finn and Rose’s mission was still pointless.

- Same with Holdo. So here’s this lady who just shows up out of nowhere, keeps vital information from Poe for no good goddamn reason, thereby forcing him to come up with his own plan and send Finn & Rose on a wild goose chase, and then suddenly we’re supposed to buy this close, intimate relationship she has with Leia so that we’ll feel all wistful when she decides to go on a suicide mission to protect the Resistance?? That should have been Leia, tbh... and not just for cheap emotional impact. At that point, Leia believed both the cause and her son to be lost and really had nothing else to lose at that point, and it would have been well within her personality to take out as many motherfuckers as she could to go down with her. Holdo should have been set up as Leia’s heir apparent going forward, and Leia going all kamikaze on the First Order would have been an interesting parallel to Luke also sacrificing himself to protect the ones he loved. AND it would have solved the whole issue of how to move forward in the story after Carrie’s death. I mean, we know that Leia was supposed to play a big part in Episode 9, but we’ll never know what that was supposed to be anyway...

Okay so those are the just the things on the forefront of my mind today. I might think of some more, and like I said at the top, my opinions on these might change... and y’all are free to try to change my mind. ;-)

No but seriously, very anxious to hear other people’s opinions!

[juushika]

these are things I yelled at Missy upon completing Lev Grossman’s The Magicians, vaguely edited into sentences:

I have this contrary streak inside me where every time I pinpoint an awful trope/narrative device, I want to find the exception to the rule that would make it justified or, better, amazing (see: what Big Windup does for miscommunication as a plot device)

so on paper “PoV of chronically miserable, insufferable dude” almost has merit because I’m like, yeah, how would grinding banality foil grand magical circumstances? I dislike grimdark styling but not motivations; I think suffering/misery has a lot of potential narrative depth! I think aging up tropes does, too.

so I buy The Magicians in theory

in practice, I want to raze Quentin and salt the earth from which he sprang. he’s so tedious! he makes some of my favorite tropes tedious! how is that even possible! (I am profoundly invested in white stag hunts; this is the only boring one I’ve ever witnessed.)

(I also don’t care about the interpersonal aspects almost at all, which is sad again because on paper there’s sincere The Secret History vibes & I am all about weird intimacy/elitism/broken intimacy within elite groups)

but mostly it reminds me of the problem with Torchwood vs. Doctor Who: Torchwood is all “I’m the grown up version! where people have sex and swear! I’m examining GROWN UP THINGS which are HARD HITTING and COMPLEX!” but the truth is that grimdark adult swearing sex is not an indication of depth and, in fact, Dr Who is already grown up; themes and character arcs are nuanced and complex and challenging, but they’re also engaging, and sometimes fun, and the show doesn’t make me feel sort of grimy

similarly, Narnia is hella grown up, it has consequences. for one: the fucking stone table? Narnia is super dark. for another: Edmund, Edmund’s entire fucking arc, and the complex conversation about the boundaries of his guilt vs. the extent of the consequences and social vs. metaphysical censure/forgiveness. and what about the problem of Susan? especially as a stand-in for Lewis’s own arc?

the fact that Lucy has magical cordial doesn’t somehow make the narrative frivolous, and that Quentin doesn’t doesn’t make The Magicians profound

ex: the ENTIRE FUCKING DAWN TREADER-EQUIVALENT fuck you Grossman for that in particular; it’s shit b/c the protagonist is shit--really stubbornly, eventually counter-productively, shit

so I want a grown-up Narnia and a more challenging portal fantasy in general, but not at the cost of “lol Narnia so quaint amirite” and not at the cost of an unlikable protagonist with no active character growth

I am, to be fair, team giving up; I think there’s productive narratives about characters backsliding or characters who are unable to grow--I would hope so, as failure is my literal life story

but this is not the place for that narrative, not in any productive way, because this isn’t protagonist coming to terms with personal limitations, this is protagonist self-pity dudebro wank problems that begins in intentional conflict with its premise and ends up by energetically contradicting any sense of value or beauty

miss me with that