#all my abusers gave me to cook was potatoes. that was for another 2 years before i actually started to eat food

[swagging-back-to]

baffles me when people go "im hungry" then the other person gets up and retrieves them food.

[ilyjohnb]

a/n: I decided to try my hand at a 3+1. I also started posting these on my AO3. FYI, JJ is not abused in this one and it does not follow any of the plot from the show.   **gif credit to @ptersparkers**

requester: anon “hiii!! :) could you do “Can I stay here tonight?” with john b please? :)”

summary: to simply put it, your home life sucks. you had managed to hide it from the pogues, until one night when things got really bad and you needed to stay the night at john b’s.

warnings: abuse, child abuse, swearing, slut-shaming

word count: 1997

~~ONE~~

John B was the first one to realize that something wasn’t right with you and your home life. You were all 10, and it was lunchtime. You were all sitting down at the table. John B was on your left. Pope, Kie, and JJ were on the other side in that order. 

“I hate school. This place sucks ass.” JJ laughed.

Kie smiled. “At least the food is good.”

“Just barely though!” Pope shouted, making the other four laugh.

“I like school.” You mumbled and slightly frowned. You subconsciously rubbed the bruise on your left forearm that your mom gave you the previous night because you forgot to take the trash out. School was the only place where you didn’t have to worry if your mother was going to be drunk or high out of her mind, and it was the only time where you didn’t have to cook for yourself either.

John B heard you though, and he noticed the bruise when your sleeve moved up from you rubbing your arm. He could see it clear as day, on your forearm there was a nasty purple bruise the size of your hand that wrapped around all the way.

You didn’t notice John B staring, but you did notice the bruise peeking out. You quickly slid your sleeve back down and focused on your mashed potatoes.

~~TWO~~

He never confronted you about that time, he didn’t even know how he would start. He eventually began picking up on your signs that you were nervous. He may not be as smart as Pope, but John B was far from dumb. He noticed how you would tense at even the mention of your mom or home. His next major clue was when you all were 15. 

“Hello, Y/n.”

You nervously took a breath, trying to read the situation. “Hi, mom.”

“Guess what you didn’t do? You left here for two days and didn’t even clean the dishes before you left.”

As she stepped closer to you, you could smell the alcohol. “I’m so sorry, I’ll get started right away.”

“Punishment first, girl.”

“Mom, please. I’m sorry it was an accident and it won’t happen again.”

She just smiled evilly. “Nothing to do now or take it. You get it now, or it doubles.”

Your hand began to shake. “Yes, ma’am.”

She walked over and punched you right in the stomach. Your eyes squeezed shut, and you bit on your lip so you could hold in your whimper. She kicked you this time and shoved you to the floor. She punched you one last time in the eye before grabbing you by your hair, using her knee to hold down your right arm.

“Open your eyes. Now, do you remember what you said earlier?”

You nodded, before opening your mouth to speak, a hoarse whisper came out that you barely even recognized to be your voice. “It won’t happen again.”

After that, you washed the dishes, before going to bed. You waited until she left the next morning to sneak out. You had promised the Pogues a day on the boat. It would be John B’s first time to drive it without his dad, Big John, there too. You quickly looked at yourself in the mirror. 

A big bruise was prominent on your stomach, another on your eye, and one more on your forearm. You put on the one two-piece bathing suit that you owned with a huge oversized shirt over that. You tied your bandana on your arm to hide that bruise. For your eye, you’d just have to come up with some lie.

You didn’t live that far from JB, so you took a nice walk. It was nice until you got to John B’s. You walked in the door, expecting to see all of your best friends, but the only person was Big John. He was sitting on the chair, so he saw you walk in.

“Y/n! How are you doing?” You loved John B’s dad. He reminded you a lot of Heyward, Pope’s dad. They both adored you, and you and your friends treated them as if they were all your dads.

“I’m doing pretty good.” You smiled, lying.

“Oh yeah?” You nodded. “Then what happened to your eye.”

“You know me, I got into a fight. Where's everyone at?”

“They’re in the boat, waiting for you. See you all when you get back. And for the love of God, don’t let my son kill you all.”

“Yes sir!” You laughed and went out the back door. You quickly stuck your head back in. “See you Pops!”

You started running down the dock, smiling at your friends. “Is that a wild Y/n/n I see?”

“Yes, it is, JJ. I’m a wild spirit who refuses to be tamed.”

He smiled back at you, holding out his hand to help you in the boat. You saw his eyes flick up to your bruised one. He didn’t ask any questions. You went and sat down as John B steered you all into swimmable waters. He put out the anchor, and then everyone didn’t hesitate to throw their shirts off and jump in. All except you and John B.

“Not getting in, Y/n/n?”

“Not feeling it today. You’re not getting in?”

“I went surfing this morning, so I’m a little sore. What happened to your eye?”

“Fight with a kook.”

You looked down at your bandana and noticed that it was becoming loose. You waited until you were certain he looked away before taking it off and refolding it. You were in your own world, trying to match the folds up exactly. He looked over and saw the bruise. He was almost certain that he knew what was happening to you. He thought it was what happened to you at home, but a fight with a kook was extremely possible too. He looked away quickly and didn’t mention it.

~~THREE~~

By this time, he knew. He may not have gotten confirmation with you, but John Booker Routledge knew that his best friend was getting abused by her mom. He knew he’d have to confront you eventually. He wanted to help you get out of that situation.

This time happened six weeks later. He dropped you off at your door with the promise that he’d walk with you in the morning, to take you for breakfast.

“See you in the morning John B.” You don’t know what came over you, but you leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. You turned and walked in your front door before he could see the small blush that was creeping up your cheeks.

“So now you’re a slut? Makes sense I only see you hanging out with those three boys. Didn’t I raise you better, Y/n?”

“I’m sorry?” You asked, genuinely confused. Wrong move on your part.

“I think you heard me loud and clear. I saw you kissing that boy, you slut.”

“Mom, no. I swear it was just a friendship thing.” You lied, you did have a crush on John B but your mom didn’t need to know that.

She had enough, shoving you back into the wall. You don’t know what came over you, but you did it. You finally did it. For once in your life, you fought back. You kicked out your leg, knocking her down. She reached over and hit you in the eye, grabbing at your neck. She began to try to choke you, but you brought your leg up to kick her square in the chest. She let you go, the wind knocked out of her.

You took the opportunity and ran. You put your hood up and kept your head down. You didn’t even have to look up, it was like muscle memory at this point. You walked around the house to his window, before knocking.

“Y/n?”

“Hi John B.” You weakly smiled, urgency evident in your voice. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Yeah of course Y/n/n, come on in.”

He helped you in his window before quietly tiptoeing out of his room. You awkwardly sat down on his bed, and he soon came back with a bag of ice.

“For your eye.” you almost forgot. “I know what happened.”

“Yeah, kooks are vicious at night and-”

“Y/n,” He cut you off. “Stop lying. I dropped you off at your house at 11:30, and you don’t typically go out after that. At least not by yourself. I know you. Just let me help you, me and dad can help get you away from your mom.” He pleaded.

“I came here to stay the night, not be met with false accusations.”

“Are they really false though?” He asked.

You sat there, opening your mouth in search of an answer. He had that look on his face, the same one he made when he won. You didn’t want him to win, at least no right now. You stood up and walked towards the window. Tears were gathering in your eyes. You quickly choked out and answer. 

“I’m going to stay at JJ’s. Good night John B. Thank you for the bag of ice.”

He didn’t know why he let you go, but he felt horrible. He was so close to getting the truth out of you, but he was worried if he kept pressing he’d scare you away. He decided he’d wait extra time before asking you again.

~~ + ONE~~

You had finally decided that you had enough. You didn’t want to deal with your mom anymore. 12 years. That’s how long your mother used you as a punching bag. It started after your dad left when you were 4, and you were 16 now. You had waited until your mom drank until she blacked out before you tossed as much stuff that you could into your duffle bag, packing more in your backpack. You tied the laces of your one pair of sneakers together and threw them over your head. You slipped on your flip-flops and left, with your head held high and not looking back.

You texted John B, asking if you could come over. It was 2 am but you were ready to go. As if he could read your mind, John B said you could. You ran faster than you’d ever had. When you got there John B sat with his window open, waiting for you. He took your bag and helped you in the window. You slipped the shoes off your neck and sat down on his window sill.

“You were right.” You told him.

He was holding your face in his, searching for injuries. “About what, bubba?”

“My mom and my home life. How long have you known?”

“I first noticed when we were 10. We were at lunch, you said that you liked school after we were all complaining about it, you had rubbed your arm and your sleeve rolled up and I saw a bruise. Why did you never say anything before? I could’ve helped you get out of there so much sooner.”

You sighed. “I knew it was bad, but I was embarrassed. Do you remember that one day on the boat like a year ago? When I wouldn’t go swimming? It was because my mom beat the absolute shit out of me the night before. And then there was that day I asked to stay the night, I was all sweaty from running and my eye was bruised. It was from my mom, but that was the first day I fought back. I left tonight because of you. Thank you John B.”

You were both staring into each other’s eyes, and he slowly leaned in. You leaned in too, to speed it up. And you kissed. You eventually told the other pogues, your mom got arrested, and you and JB started dating. You finally got out of the home all thanks to John B.

[thegreatestofheck]

Ocean and Alcohol Pt. 2 ✘JJ Maybank✘

You can find part one here! 

(not my gif. All credit to goeatsomelife!) Part 2/?

Word Count - 6300 Warnings - Mentions of abuse, swearing, non-graphic depictions of abuse (throwing/shoving) Summary - After your first secret rendezvous with JJ, you can’t seem to take your mind off him. Your “disagreement” with Rafe Cameron intensifies. Late in the night, JJ climbs through your window and things ends less than satisfactorily between the two of you.  A/N - As with the last part, this is written in second person, but you’re given a name. I have always found the Y/N thing distracting, so I gave the character a name, but, as always, you can read over it. Thank you all so much for your love!

It was almost summer. Once summer started, your dad was much more relaxed than during school time. That meant you might be able to actually leave the house to do more than go to work. You’d seen JJ a few times on the way to or from work, but it wasn’t more than a passing glance. When he drove past you with the rest of his pogue friends or when you looked out the window of your work to see him zooming down the marsh on John B’s boat. You really tried not to think of him, tried not to feel his lips against your neck, but between the mindless monotony of work, the hours of endless school, and the long and restless nights, sometimes it felt like there was nothing else to think about. 

Before JJ swept into your life like a tidal wave, your mind went into autopilot as you went about your day. You could just do your tasks without thinking, but now it seemed that all you could do was think. A part of you wondered if he was intentionally avoiding you. He did say he had a habit of pushing people away.    The other part of you knew that part of you was an idiot because the only time you weren’t at home was when you were at work and the restaurant you worked at wasn’t a place JJ was likely to visit. Besides, you never told him where you worked. You were being paranoid, you told yourself. You also tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter if JJ was intentionally ignoring you because there was no way Dad would ever, in a million years, let you so much as hang out with someone like JJ. Your dad wanted you to hang with people like Rafe, which you very plainly told him was never going to happen. Still, since your dad had every intention of making your life a living hell, he invited the Camerons over to your house one day. You might have screamed when he told you. He told you to dress your best and you almost threw on a hoodie and sweatpants, even if it was getting hotter with every day. Sweating for hours would have been worth it if Dad would never invite the Camerons over again. Unfortunately, Dad and Ward Cameron worked together, Kid had a crush on Wheezie, and you actually liked Sarah, so you decided to at least brush your hair and do everyone the decency of wearing something other than sweat pants.    You came downstairs in a summer dress that fell just above your knees. When you looked in the mirror and realized that spaghetti straps probably weren’t the best formal attire, you threw a t-shirt on underneath and hoped it was good enough to get out of a beating tonight. You helped your dad make dinner (mostly with the things that didn’t require cooking). Kid set the table and for a moment, it almost felt like you were apart of a normal family. Your dad had been especially nice since he and Kid came back from the mainland, which was surprising. You were hoping to stay on his good side so you could maybe ask to go out sometimes during the summertime. But she would have to wait and see how dinner went. 

You plastered on a smile when the Camerons first walked in the door. You gave Sarah and Wheezie hugs and shook Rafe’s hand amicably, smiling despite how hard he squeezed your hand. You gave Rose a hug as well and Ward planted a kiss on top of your head. Ward was a pretty cool guy and, as far as you were concerned, a pretty good dad. Sometimes you wished he was your own father, that way, you wouldn’t wake up in fear every morning. But, that was life. Your two families joined at dinner, which went pretty well, until the second course.    “Rafe my boy, is that a bruise under your eye?” Your dad asked. You froze halfway through spooning some garlic mashed potatoes into your mouth. “Oh, yes,” Rafe said after clearing his throat. “Whatever happened?” You wished your dad would stop asking questions. Still, you tried to look engaged in the conversation as to not give yourself away. 

“You should ask your daughter about that,” Rafe said. Shit. “Elma?” All eyes turned to you and you plastered a concerned smile onto your face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, giving your head a little shake. You saw Wheezie raise her eyebrows and hide a smile behind a roll of bread. “You don’t remember socking me in the face?” Rafe ground out through his teeth, his knuckles turning white as he clenched the knife in his hand. “No, I don’t.” “Elma, what is this about?” “Your daughter, sir, attacked me the other night at a-” If Rafe said anything about a party, you knew you were never getting out of this house until your dad died. So you switched up your lie. “Oh right,” you said with a sickly sweet smile. “I remember now. I hit you after you insulted my mother.” Your dad’s confused demeanor switched suddenly. You could feel the air in the room turn like the winds during a storm. Mentioning your mother was one way to win your father over. Yes, she had abandoned you all, but your father still loved her and she was still perfect in his eyes. How that worked, you weren’t entirely sure, but you sure as hell knew how to manipulate it. “Rafe!” Ward barked.

“What? No!” The poor boy was obviously confused as to how the table got turned on him so quickly. To up the ante, you sniffled, refusing to let yourself blink so tears would brim at the bottom of your eyes. “He called mom a...a...oh, I don’t want to say it,” you said with a quiet sigh. “You’re not falling for this!” Rafe shouted.    “Rafe, shut up!” “What did he say, sweetie?” Rose asked, reaching out to sympathetically take your hand. “He called her a….” You lowered your voice. “A slut.” Your dad stood suddenly. “Gerald,” Ward said, standing as well and putting a hand out. “I don’t think Rafe meant it and whatever he said, clearly Elma here made him pay for it.” Your dad was smoldering. Rage made his hands shake by his sides and for once, that rage wasn’t tunneled at you. Sarah elbowed you lightly and when you looked at her, you could almost see a smile on her face as Rose yelled at Rafe and Ward tried to talk your dad down from killing him then and there. “Ah, chaos,” Wheezie mused, chewing on another piece of bread. Kid’s cheeks reddened. The arguing died down eventually and they all went back to eating peacefully. Rafe glared at you the entire rest of night and every time you met his gaze, you simply raised an eyebrow. By the time dinner was over, everyone was exhausted and had no brain capacity to play games as they usually did. As the hostess, you walked the Camerons to the door as your dad and Kid started to clean up the dining room. As before, you hugged the girls and Rose as they left. Sarah whispered an invite to a party in your ear as she hugged you, which you were glad for. ‘Going over to Sarah’s’ was always a good excuse to get out of the house. Your dad almost always let you go. Ward said nothing but put a parting hand on your shoulder. Instead of just walking by like he should have, Rafe grabbed your wrist and pulled you in close, trying to emulate a hug. “Never throw me under the bus again,” he hissed in your ear. “Then don’t pick fights you can’t win,” you whispered right back. He let go of you with a huff and stormed out the door. You shut it behind him, resisting the urge to slam it. “What was that about?” Your dad asked, leaning against the wall. You smiled sweetly. “Olive branch,” was all you said. He nodded slowly. “I love you for defending your mother-” The words stung and caused your smile to falter for a moment. “But you shouldn’t go around punching people, especially my partners’ son.” “I understand, Daddy,” you said, walking over to him. Kiss ass? You bet. Anything to get what you wanted and all you wanted was to get out of this house. He put an arm around you and kissed your forehead, making you want to vomit. “Why don’t you go to bed? Bradford and I can finish up down here,” he said. You glanced over to Kid, who was grinning like an idiot. He must have said ‘bye’ to Wheezie before she left. The little kid’s smile forced your fake one into something almost real. You nodded before stepping away from your dad. “Hey, kiddo?” Your heart exploded at the nickname, pulse racing. You hated it when he called you that because it felt like something a real dad would call the daughter that he actually cared for. It felt too close to love to make you comfortable. You turned slowly to look at him again. “I love you, you know that?”    You nodded again, but your fingers went for the scar on your hand. He said he loved you, but you knew he didn’t. Maybe he defended you from Rafe tonight, but tomorrow he might bash your head into the wall. You walked to your room like a slug, barely picking your feet off the ground. As soon as the door was closed, you tore the dress off, standing in just the t-shirt. Pulling off the dress was like taking off a weight and tossing it on the floor was like breathing fresh air. You weren’t ready to sleep, no, there was too much rattling around in your head to sleep. Instead, you turned the radio on in your room, keeping it at just the right volume where your dad wouldn’t come in, but just loud enough to drown out your thoughts. The first song got you out of your funk. The second one got you moving your hips. By the third, you were jumping around, screaming the words silently into your hairbrush. You weren’t a dancer, never had been, but when you let the music guide you, it didn’t matter. The beat thrummed through you, moving your body as it pleased. You were deep in a song when you heard a tap at your window. It startled you out of the flow, but when you looked outside the window and saw no one, you were tempted to start dancing again. The tap came again so you turned the music down and watched the window carefully. The third tap came from a rock that you saw, so you walked over to your window and opened it, peeking your head out. “Hello?” You whispered into the night. Was hello the best you could think of? Now you were surely going to get ax murdered by whoever, or whatever, was throwing rocks at your window. You scowled into the night and were about to turn back inside when a familiar face popped up onto the roof below your window. “Maybank?” You said his name louder than you should have, but he was the last person you expected to throw rocks at your window at ten o’clock at night. “Hey,” he said with a lopsided grin. “Get in here,” you said, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him inside. You shut the window and turned around to scold him for being so stupid but before you could say anything, his hands were on your cheeks, his lips against yours. And once again, you melted away. The riptide, the salty waves, the sand, the ice cold water. Your stomach rolled, your lungs screaming for breath, but you didn’t pull away. It was the sound of creaking floorboards outside your room that finally broke you away from him. Your eyes went straight for the door. When no more sounds came, you finally relaxed, sitting on your bed with a sigh. “What are you doing here?” You asked him. JJ jumped backward onto your bed, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. 

“I wanted to see you.” “And if my dad finds you?” JJ sat up and placed a kiss against your shoulder. You sighed to cover a shudder. “I’m very quiet,” he whispered against your skin. 

“Maybank-” “What happened to calling me by my first name?” He asked with a knowing smile. “I’ve never called you JJ,” you said, crossing your arms in defiance. You knew perfectly well you had, but it was a moment of weakness and it wasn’t going to happen again. “You did,” he said, kissing your neck. “When I-” You stood, stepping away from him.    “You don’t get to break into my room and start making me feel all-” You waved her hands in the air as if that explained what you were feeling. Leaning against his hands, JJ tilted his head to the side with a goofy smile on his face. “Don’t look at me like that,” you said, crossing your arms again. “Like what?” “Like I’m-” Like I’m someone you actually care about. You were both quiet, soaking each other in, waiting for the other to make the next move. The song on the radio changed. “I like this song,” JJ said, jumping up from the bed. He reached out to take your hands, but you refused. “C’mon. I saw you dancing just now. I know you can.” “I only dance when I’m drunk or when no one’s watching,” you said. “At least when I think no one’s watching.” 

JJ grinned at you, stepping forward to the beat. It took all of your strength not to laugh or even smile at the way he moved. You knew that he was just trying to make you break, but you weren’t about to give in. He took your hands in his and started to move to the beat, dancing like a middle school boy. You pursed your lips to keep from laughing. “I would be better if you were leading,” he said, laughing at himself. “Oh no,” you said, a smile betraying you. “You’re doing wonderfully.” 

He ran one of his hands up your arm until it was cradling your neck. You tried to move away by turning your head, but you didn’t really want to move away from him. Who needed alcohol when you had JJ Maybank to intoxicate you? “What are you doing here?” You asked him again. “I told you.” His thumb brushed against your jaw. “I wanted to see you.” “Why?” You asked him. “I thought you ran away from people so you didn’t hurt them?” “Couldn’t stay away,” he said, his lips getting steadily closer to yours. You should move away, should put as much distance between you and him as you could. If he was the boy who ran to protect others, you were the girl who ran to protect yourself. Survival was the key. If weren’t around, who would protect Kid? If you weren’t around, who would Dad turn his anger toward? And if you didn’t get away from JJ now, how fast were you going to fall? “Fuck you,” you whispered before moving forward the slightest bit that it took for your lips to meet his. He didn’t taste like alcohol this time. You knew he had gone surfing today because he was much saltier than before. You lifted your hands, knocking his backward hat off of his head so you could run your fingers through his hair. For a boy who always smelled like the sea, his hair was soft. The harder you pressed yourself against him, the harder he held onto you. He curled his fingers around your waist and you knew that it would leave marks, but you didn’t care. His other hand rested against your collarbone, circling around the base of your neck like a loose necklace. When you parted for air, you threw your head back, gasping, but JJ didn’t stop. He nipped at your chin and jaw with his teeth and shit it felt like you were going to explode from the inside out. The ocean roared in your ears, your gut, your heart. You pushed him backward, putting your mouth on his once again. You led him backward until he hit the bed and the two of you toppled over. Somewhere between standing and falling, JJ flipped you around so when your back hit the bed, you were underneath him. 

“You are okay?” He asked you. Instead of responding, you grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer. You could feel his smile pressed against your lips and your stomach flipped in a thousand different directions. One of JJ’s hands rested on your knee as he settled between your legs. For half a moment, you felt a twinge of fear enter your system. But when you felt JJ’s teeth graze against your lower lip, the fear went away, replaced by the storm that raged every time he touched you. Your mind was empty when JJ was kissing you. It was like everything else melted away and it was just him. The weight of his body wasn’t like the heaviness of pain or worry or anxiety or fear. He was a welcomed pressure, keeping you grounded, together. Everywhere his skin touched yours was a pressure point, relaxing but keeping you alive. The mood once against shifted when JJ started to slide his hand up your leg. As soon as his hand started to move, it was the only thing you could feel. You tried to push past it, tried to ignore it, tried to fall back into the current, but you couldn’t. His hand inching its way farther up your leg was the only thing on your mind as you attempted to pretend that it didn’t bother you. You had to get over your aversion to sex eventually, right? Why not now? You barely realized when JJ pulled away. He hovered just above you, but you wouldn’t meet his eyes, mind still on his hand. You just needed to suck it up, to push through. It wasn’t until he moved his hand from your thigh that you really realized what happened. You turned your head to meet his eyes, but could only handle it for a second. The same shame that you felt when you had first told him weeks ago burned within you once again. It ate away at you, from the inside. You were damaged goods, you knew that. But all you wanted was to be like every other girl your age who could happily have sex with as many people as they wanted without being filled with crippling anxiety. You rolled out from underneath JJ, who moved his arm to let you go with a sigh.    “I’m sorry,” you said, sitting on the edge of your bed with his back to him. “Not your fault,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed.” You breathed out heavily, pressing your hands against your eyes. Your legs bounced beneath you, trying to shake out the anxiety. A portion of you wanted JJ to just leave so you knew that he wasn’t looking at you anymore. You weren’t sure you could bear it any longer. But he didn’t leave. You felt the bed dip underneath him as he moved across the bed to sit next to you. “I’m sorry,” you said again.    “Don’t worry about it.” You glanced at him and he was grinning like nothing happened. “I can take care of myself.” You scoffed and your lips twitched upward. Even in the middle of wanting to die of shame, he still somehow managed to make you smile. “You’re disgusting,” you said, giving a quiet laugh. JJ echoed your laugh, casting his eyes to the ground. “Thank you for understanding,” you said, sucking in a breath in hopes of steadying yourself. JJ planted a quick kiss on your shoulder before flopping back onto the bed. You laid back beside him with a sigh. “What’s your favorite color?” You asked him when you felt the silence had gone on for too long. JJ hummed, glancing down at you. He rolled his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. You copied the movement, mocking his scowl. “My favorite color is...whatever color your eyes are.” You let out a laugh and rolled your eyes. “I’m serious, Maybank!” You said, your smile sticking. When you looked at him again, you found that he hadn’t looked away. “What’s your favorite color?” JJ pursed his lips and sighed. “I’ve never thought about it?” “Never thought about your favorite color?” “No, never seemed important.” “Well,” you said, looking up at the ceiling. “What’s your favorite thing in the whole world?” “Weed, probably,” JJ said. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and tapped his shoulder with his fist. “Okay, jeez, something else. I like surfing and hanging out with the Pogues, I guess.” “So the ocean!” You said with a smile. “You like the ocean.” “Yeah, I guess.” “So, blue, like the ocean?” 

“Maybe.” “Alright. Well, you think about your favorite color and get back to me,” you said. “Why?” he scoffed. 

“Because you said it was never important, but it’s important to me.” JJ turned his head to the side to look at you again. He was silent for a moment, like he was thinking about what he was going to say next. There was a second when you thought he might say something, but then he looked back up at the ceiling. “What’s your favorite color?” he asked. 

“I really like a good burgundy,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “I mean, if you ever see my winter closet, you’ll see just how much I love burgundy.” “I have way too many questions about that statement,” JJ said, shaking his head. “What do you mean?” “First of all, I’m not sure burgundy is a color-” “It’s a shade of red.” 

“-Second of all, you have a winter closet?” “According to my dad, a great way to make up for bruising me up is to buy me clothes. So, yeah, I have a winter closet.” 

“God, I hate kooks.” You wanted to ask him a thousand more questions about a hundred different things. Sure, kissing him was like nothing else you’d ever felt before, but just being able to sit there and talk to him, to ask him things, to learn about him, was something else entirely. The only person you ever had was Kid and the last thing you wanted to do was let him see the worst things that happened between you and your Dad. You’d had two civil conversations with JJ and already he knew more about you than anyone else. You wanted nothing more than to spend the entire night talking to him. Unfortunately, your nosey father had other plans. You heard his footsteps and instantly shot upward. “What is it?” JJ asked. “You need to go,” you said. “I think we’ve been here before,” JJ said, refusing to sit up. “Yes, we have. Come on, let’s get you out the window.” You ran toward the window and threw it open, only to find that JJ was still laying on your bed. “Maybank, get up!” “I don’t want to.” “JJ, if my dad finds you in here, we’re both dead.” He looked up at her, tilting his head backward. You were breathing heavily, listening to the sound of your dad’s footfalls grow closer. Your heart pounded in your chest. You were smarter than this, you had to be smarter than this. Letting JJ in here was a terrible mistake. After spending almost your entire life trying to diffuse every situation before it began, you let your guard down for one stupid boy and now this stupid boy wasn’t getting out of your room and you were going to pay for it. Just as your dad was right outside the door and JJ still hadn’t moved, your pounding heart stopped. The doorknob was turning. You had to think of something. Get yourself out of this, you thought to yourself. You can get yourself out of this.    “Don’t come in!” You called out. The doorknob stopped turning. JJ sat up, eyeing you carefully with a raised eyebrow. “Honey?” Your dad said from outside the door. “Are you alright?” You met JJ’s gaze, your own eyes wide. Your heart started thumping again, beating so hard you were sure JJ could see it about to pound its way out of your chest. He gave you a short nod and you breathed in deeply. “Yeah, Dad. I, uh, I started my period.” JJ dropped his head into his palms. You glared at him, sneering your teeth as his quiet laughter got a little bit too loud.    “Oh, um.” You heard the discomfort in your dad’s voice and he let out a cough. “Do you need any help?” “No, Dad, I’m okay. I can handle it,” you said. “But thank you.” “Just let me know if you need anything,” he said. “I came over to ask if you could turn your music down a little bit.” You nodded. “Yeah, sure,” you said. JJ reached over and twisted the knob on the radio, turning the music down. “Thanks, sweetheart,” your dad said. “Sleep well.” “Night, Dad.” You didn’t take a steady breath until the footsteps were silent. Once your dad was safe in his room, you turned to JJ with smoldering eyes. “Get out of my room, JJ.” “You called me JJ again.” 

“Shut up!” You snapped. “Listen to me, and you listen good. If my dad ever found out you were here, even if he didn’t know we were just...whatever. If he knew you were here, you would never see me again because I would be dead, do you understand that?” “He won’t know,” JJ said with a shrug. “You’re so frustrating!” “Ellie….” He stood and walked over to you, but you stepped back away from him, your eyes still narrowed. “All my life, I’ve done everything I can to stay alive, to just live to the next day,” you said. “And you walk in and fuck it all up. I can’t...I just want to survive, JJ. And I can’t do that if you’re constantly putting all of that at risk.” “What’s the point of staying alive if you’re not doing anything with that life?” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “What do you mean?” JJ took another step toward you and this time, you didn’t step away. “You can’t just survive and not live a little every now and again.” You shut your eyes, hands shaking as you put them over your cheeks to try and steady your trembling jaw. “Maybe you can smoke and drink and hook up with girls and speed around in your boat with your friends and call that living, but that isn’t a liberty that I have.” You let out a shaky breath, hands falling to your sides. JJ kept his gaze on the ground, refusing to look at you. “Look, we can’t do this here. Just...I’ll see you around.” JJ didn’t say anything. He nodded slowly, snatching his hat off the ground and heading off toward the open window. You pressed your lips together into a thin line, wrapping your arms around your stomach. “There’s a party at the Cameron’s that we’re hijacking this Friday,” he said as he climbed out the window. “See you there?” You nodded. “Yeah.” You watched as he clambered down from your roof. He ran across your lawn and you didn’t close the window until he was long out of sight. 

You went to work the next morning, your eyes stinging and mind blurry. Sleeping after JJ left was nearly impossible. It didn’t matter how little sleep you got, you needed to work. It wasn’t like you needed money to survive. Your dad paid for food and shelter and a data plan, but if Kid wanted anything other than that and clothes, it usually came from you. If you wanted a new pair of shoes or a tattoo, the money came from your bank account. All the rest of your money went to your savings, with which you would eventually buy a lawyer after you turned 18 to win custody of Kid, buy a house somewhere, and live far, far away from your dad. You needed to keep this job, maybe even find another one for over the summer, so you could get yourself and your kid brother to a safe home. This was what you reminded yourself as you drove to work in the truck you begged your dad for last year. There was a reason you never got yourself tangled up in the whole “relationship” mess. It was more than often confusing and took too much brainpower, brainpower you needed to use to keep yourself out of trouble. You couldn’t risk your eyes straying from the road you were on, not even for someone like JJ. As soon as his name popped into your head, it was like the universe decided to test you, to make sure that you really could keep your eyes on the road without succumbing to temptation. Driving to work, this test was literal. With your windows down, you heard his laugh first. You sniffled and kept your eyes fixed on the road. Focus was key. Keep your eyes on the road, keep your goals ahead of you. You had a plan and no one, not even JJ Maybank, could throw a wrench in it. But then you glanced out the window and wished you had listened to the universe when it told you to keep your eyes forward. JJ was standing and talking to someone, carrying his usual smile. You meant to look away before you saw who it was that he was talking to, but you didn’t. There was a girl sitting on the railing in front of one of the stores. JJ was standing in between her legs, his hands on her knees. Your heart skipped and you tried to look away again but then the girl, Peeler you thought her name might have been, put her hands on his face and pulled him closer to her. You looked back at the road before you had to see her kiss him. Keeping your mind off of it at work was like trying to keep seagulls away from baby sea turtles. Despite the fact that, as a Greeter, you spent your entire first shift on Thursdays talking to people, you still somehow managed to spend almost every hour thinking about it. You tried to convince yourself that it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like you or JJ were dating or anything. Making out a couple of times didn’t constitute a relationship in any stretch of the term, so you had no claim on him. You had no place to be upset. Still, you were. There was only an hour left in your first shift and an hour after that when your second shift started. Thursdays were always long, but mentally complaining about a boy didn’t make it any shorter. You really just wanted the day to be over so you could just go home and crash. You took Fridays off of work to do school and recover from working for 16 hours. You just had to get through the rest of this day and that would be that. By the time both of your shifts were done, you had already planned out a million ways to verbally beat JJ to death. You spent the entirety of your second shift in the back room washing dishes. Naturally, that meant, not only were you exhausted, but you were sweaty, your hair was frizzy, and your fingers were like prunes. And you wanted to tear someone’s head off. Your drive home was just like any other. You wanted nothing more than to shower and drop dead into your bed. “Dad? I’m home!” You called as you shut the door behind you. As soon as you stepped inside, you knew something was wrong. Kid was sitting on the stairs, sniffling, and banging sounds were coming from the kitchen. “Hey,” you said, scowling as you walked over to your brother. “Kid, what’s wrong?” When he lifted his face from his hands, you saw the ring of a bruise around his eye and blood began to boil in your system. You straightened your spine, clenching your jaw to keep your rage inside. “Dad...he-” You didn’t have to hear anything else before you booked it for the kitchen. “El, wait!” You ignored Kid as he tried to stop you. But nothing was going to stop your warpath, not today. You turned into the kitchen, dropping your bag of clothes on the floor. “Dad, what the fuck?” Your dad was frantically cleaning dishes, his hands shaking. “Don’t talk to me like that, young lady,” he said, not looking up at you. “What did you do to Kid?” You asked, trying to keep your voice steady and calm. Right now, you didn’t really care about escalating. Whenever Dad hit you, you had few issues getting over it. But any time he laid even a finger on your brother, you could never let it go. “He gave me mouth.” “So you punched him?” If you hadn’t shouted, you may have gotten away with the potty mouth and talking back, but of course, you weren’t getting away that easy tonight. Your dad spun around quickly, throwing the pot he was holding straight at you. You barely had time to dodge it before the pot hit you square in the face. It ding’d off of your shoulder, but adrenaline dulled the pain for a moment. “You don’t get to tell me how to parent my kids,” he seethed, marching up to you and putting a finger in your face. “Smacking Kid around isn’t parenting, Dad.” He shoved you backward and you tripped over one of the chairs, knocking your head against the leg of the table. The sting was instant. You rolled over, squeezing your eyes shut. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry,” your dad said, making a move to help you up. You put your hand out so he wouldn’t come any closer. He took a step back. “El!” You heard Kid cry from the entryway. You shook your head, trying to clear your tremoring mind. You pushed yourself off the floor, using the table to get you on your feet. Tears gathered in your eyes, either from the physical pain in your shoulder and head or from the fact that your dad just shoved you to the floor. Your dad stood back, hands in the air. “El….” “Kid, stay back,” you said, keeping your eye on your dad. You slid your hand off of the table. “I’m taking Kid upstairs.” Your dad said nothing. “We’re going upstairs and you’re not going to follow us,” you said. Slowly, your dad nodded, stepping back. You shuffled over to Kid and put an arm around him, one part herding him away and one part using him to lean on. “Are you okay?” Kid asked, tears still in his eyes. You nodded at him and tried to smile. “C’mon. You’re sleeping in my bed tonight.” 

You woke up the next morning with a headache that felt like a hangover. Kid was curled up on your bed still, the sun shining through the window. When you looked over at the clock, you were appalled to see that it was a quarter past 8. Kid was late for school. “Shit.” You rolled out of your chair, every bone in your body tight and cracking. Your shoulder ached and there was a dull pain in the back of your head. “Hey, Kid,” you whispered, shaking your brother’s arm gently. “You gotta go to school.” Kid groaned, rolling over onto his back. You smiled down at him as he blinked his eyes a few times. “What time is it?” “Little after 8.”

“I’m already late. I’ll ditch today.” “You’re not a pogue, Kid. You have to go to school.” Kid grumbled and rolled out of your bed. “You stink,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I didn’t get to take my shower last night,” you replied, arms crossed and a little smile on your lips. You looked down at his face, saw the outline of the bruise again. You tried to swallow the anger that bubbled inside you again at the thought of it. “Let’s go, Kid.” Thirty minutes later, you were outside of Kid’s school. “Thanks, El,” he said, hopping out of the car. “Have a good day. I’ll see you later,” you called after him. With a smile and a wave, he disappeared inside the school building. The drive back home was peaceful. The sun was out, a breeze blowing through your car windows. The constant thrum of pain in your shoulder kept your mind clear, your eyes set on the road. You pulled up to a stoplight, closing your eyes, letting the sun warm your skin. “Hey, Ellie!” Your eyes shot open and you turned the voice. JJ ran over to you, Pope Heyward by his side. Your heart started to pound. Before he and his friend could get any closer, the light turned green and you stepped on the gas. “Ellie?” Your car sputtered forward before taking off, leaving JJ and Pope in a trail of dust. 

[darkjanet2]

Drusilla's Soul Chapter 7 Part 2

"Ahh! He's going to take his first steps." Nancy shouted now getting more excited.

Malcolm came home from work and saw Matt was holding a camera and TK was struggling on his feet.

“What’s going on here?” asked Malcom.

“He’s taking the first step, Daddy.” said Matt.

“Really?!” Malcolm’s eyes widened and saw his younger son move his left foot forward.

“Matt, hand me that camera. I’m going to record it.” said Malcolm. Matt gave his father a camera and he started recording it.

TK started to make his way to his eldest brother when he almost fell only to regain his balance and continued to head to Matt. When he arrived, he hugged his brother.

Nancy squealed in excitement and Malcolm was laughing.

Matt stood there stunned and hugged his baby brother.

"Matt. Matt." TK repeatedly said his older brother's name.

"Awe! TK loves Matt. It's so cute!" Nancy was trying not to cry.

“Matt, it looks like you two bonded quickly together. I am happy to have a lovely family." Malcom told them and stopped recording with the camera. When he saw them, TK was still hugging his brother.

“Okay, TK, you can let go now.” said Malcolm.

But TK refused to let go of his brother. Matt smiled at his little brother.

"Come on TK. Matt really needs to move.” said Nancy. TK still refused to stop hugging.

"TK, please let me go.” said Matt. TK finally let go of his brother.

“Sowwy” apologized TK.

"It's okay TK." Matt smiled.

“Well, that was unusual,” said Malcolm.

“ Now how about we have meat and potato stew?” smiled Nancy.

“That sounds good.” said Malcolm.

“Oh, I have to finish my homework.” said Matt, walked to his bedroom that he had to do his homework.

“I’ll call you when it’s ready.” said Nancy.

4 Years Later

4 years old TK was in kindergarten school. He had friends and he had a nice teacher named Mrs. Tenshi. The students were doing arts and crafts. It was TK’s favorite subject. He decided he wanted to be an artist and novelist. Also, he wanted to give something to his brother. He picked out a blank sheet of paper and folded into the center. He drew and colored the handmade card and wrote something nice.

He wanted to make sure Matt would like it. TK grabbed his scissor and cut a paper to make a sharp like a star. And he grabbed his markers and wrote “best brother ever”. He grabbed a glue stick to stick the stars on the handmade card. And it was done. He couldn’t help but let a small smile of satisfaction. Mrs. Tenshi was impressed by TK's artwork. He told her he wanted to give something special to his brother. She nodded.

The bell had rung, all the students took a bus to ride home. When T.K. got out of the bus and ran to his house. Nancy greeted him and welcomed home. And Matt got home from school, he walked to his bedroom and sat on the edge of bed. He dropped his backpack off.

“Hi, Matt, I made this card for you being a great brother.” said TK, entered Matt’s room.

“Oh, for me?” he asked. TK nodded his head and smiled at his older brother.

“Thank you.” he took a handmade card and read it. His eyes scanned the written when he was smiling widely.

“Oh, TK, that was really kind of you,” said Matt.

“Tomorrow I am going to make both for mom and dad." TK replied and gave a grin. But for Matt, it wasn't easy. He saw how mom and dad were fighting.

“Is something wrong, Matt?" TK asked, worried.

“Uh, no, it’s nothing. Everything’s fine.” Matt lied.

"You're sure?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah. Just tried." Matt again lied.

"Oh, I see. So how was your day?" TK asked, smiled.

“Oh, uh, it went well. A friend of mine gave me harmonica. I just practiced this instrumental and I enjoyed it.” said Matt.

“Wow, really? Can you play? I wanna hear it.” said TK.

Matt pulled out his Harmonica and began to play the tunes. TK closed his eyes and started listening to music. It was soothing and mellow.

Nancy was the first to get home and she heard a beautiful sound of harmonica coming from Matt’s room. She walked over to his room and saw Matt playing the harmonica and TK was listening to the tunes. She smiled at them. She knocked on the door to get the boys’ attention.

“Boys, you two have a good time?” she asked her sons.

“Yes, Mom.” said Matt and TK in unison.

“That’s good. I’m gonna make grilled salmon for dinner until your father comes home.” said Nancy.

“Okay, Mom.” they said in unison.

That Night

Nancy was cooking grilled salmon, white rice and asparagus. Matt and TK waiting for their father to come home. He was probably late again.

“Mommy, when will Daddy come home?” TK asked his mother.

“He’ll be home soon, TK.” said Nancy, she was so disappointed that her husband never came home. She gave her sons dinner and started eating. Matt and TK went to bed and fell asleep.

She glanced at the clock that passed eleven and sighed.

‘God, where is he?’ thought Nancy.

Malcolm came in at 2 am. He was walking in and saw Nancy fell asleep in the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Nancy fluttered her eyes open and turned her head to see her husband.

“Hi, honey.” said Malcolm in a tired voice.

“My God, Malcolm, where have you been?” asked angrily Nancy sitting up.

“I was working late.” said Malcolm.

“You were working late again?! Malcolm, you promised me to come home.” said Nancy.

"I know, it's just that I lost track of time." Malcolm said. Nancy was now getting angry more.

"You are more in love with your work than us. I swear to God, I don't know what to do anymore. I had to see them sad every night." Nancy said raising her voice

Matt woke up when he heard his parents were arguing in the master bedroom. He jolted as the door opened, he quickly hid in the closet and they didn’t see him. The spouse walked downstairs while arguing.

Matt got out of the closet and watched them fighting.

Malcolm slammed his hand on the table.

"I told you I am sorry! Why are you so mad?!" Malcolm shouted at Nancy.

"I am mad because you do this every single night. You kept saying that you will be home. They need their father but you decide to work more hours. When is it enough, Malcolm? When are you going to finally be here? It's like talking to a brick wall!" Nancy yelled, tears streaming down her face.

Malcolm just watched his wife in tears. He looked down and sighed.

"I am trying to provide us Nancy. I am trying to make sure we can stay here." Malcolm countered. Matt watches in shock seeing them fight.

Matt got up and ran back to his room and closed the door. He slid under the duvet hoping they didn't see him.

TK got up and heard his parents arguing coming from downstairs. He entered Matt’s room and closed the door. Matt uncovered himself.

“TK?”

“Matt… *hic* Why are Mommy and Daddy fighting?” TK asked, wiping his tears with his hands.

Matt comforted his brother and soothes. “Hey, it’s okay, TK. They’re just having a disagreement is all." said Matt.

And they heard their mother screaming and crying frantically and their father yelling furiously. It was getting intense. TK ran out of the room and saw his father hitting his mother. He was horrified by this.

“Do you think just because you are here and I am not makes you a better person?!" Malcolm shouted and Nancy sat there crying holding her cheek.

"Wow, Malcolm, hitting your wife because she's right. I birthed them, I carried them 9 months each and you have the nerve to say that you're the better person!" Nancy shouted and got up and felt another smack. She got up again and glared at him in tears.

"I am taking the boys and staying at the hotel. You can sit here and think about what you have done to me and the boys. Whatever feelings I had left. It's now gone. I see who you really are!" Nancy softly and walked back upstairs.

“No, I will not let you take them away from me!" Malcolm screamed and ran after Nancy.

TK ran to Matt’s room and locked the door. He hugged his brother tightly, shedding tears. Matt comforted him. Suddenly, the door was banging and twisting the knob violently. The two brothers were scared now.

“Boys! Open this damn door!” yelled Malcolm.

TK and Matt held each other close and heard their mom yelling at her husband till they heard a loud banging noise cause them both to stop.

"Police! open the door!" The officers shouted.

“What the fuck?” shocked Malcolm.

Nancy ran downstairs stairs and opened the door. And the cops busted in and armed with guns.

"Thank goodness you're here. My husband was beating me and threatened our children.” Nancy told them.

“No, I didn’t!” Malcolm yelled. The police looked at Nancy and Malcolm raising his eyebrow.

"Sir, you need to come with us. You’re being charged for domestic abuse and child endangerment and lying to the police." The officer said and grabbed their handcuffs and cuffed Malcolm.

Malcolm got into the police car and rode to the station. Nancy was sitting on the couch crying. Hugging herself. She lost her husband. No that man is not her husband not anymore.

Matt and TK came out of the room and saw their mother was badly hurt. Her left eye was bruised and her lip was busted. She had a slap stained on her cheek reddened. She could still taste some blood in her mouth.

“Mom, are you okay?” asked Matt.

Nancy sadly smiled at them. “I’m fine.” she croaked.

“I’ll… I’ll go get the first aid.” said TK, ran upstairs to get the first aid.

“Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry. I’ve heard everything.” said Matt, tears strolling down his face.

Nancy hugged Matt. “It’s okay, Matt. It’s not your fault.” her voice sounded hoarse.

TK came back downstairs with the first aid. He opened the kit and picked out cotton ball and hydrogen peroxide. He poured into the cotton ball and applied his mother’s busted lip. Nancy flinched as the liquid stung a little.

“Sorry, Mum.” said TK, gently dabbing on her busted lip.

The Next Morning

Both spouse's were in court with their respective lawyers. They waited for the judge to appear and give the verdict. When everyone got in their seats, the judge came in and saw the two people standing in front of him with their lawyers. He sat down and saw two boys in the rows of the seat. They were holding hands. The judge cleared his throat.

"In all my years, I never thought I'd come to this misdemeanor domestic violence is entitled to a trial by jury. Look, I understand completely that situation was uncalled for. Here's how it's going to go. The children will be separated from each other. The father will get the oldest son and the mother gets the youngest son. The mother will get the money for medical treatment. They will be a restraining order against him and are not allowed to come one hundred feet from you. I would have suggested counseling but after this I can't trust things would go over smoothly. I hope that this won't affect any resentment from your sons." The judge grabbed his gavel and slammed it on the table. Everyone was shocked. Matt looked at his younger brother who's crying while holding him on and comforted him.

“No! I don’t want my brother to be separated with Daddy! He’ll hurt my brother just like Mommy was hurt!” cried TK, tears flowing down on his cheeks.

“TK, it’s okay. I will be fine." Matt said with a comfort smile and tears strolling down his face.

When their parents came with the police. Matt got up and hugged his mom before leaving with his dad. TK was in tears while his mother comforted him who had those tears run down her face. Nancy picked TK up and started to move to a smaller apartment.

Nancy checked on her youngest son to make sure he was okay. TK was sleeping in his bed, facing the wall. She didn’t notice there were tears in his eyes.

‘I am sorry, TK. I know it must be hard for you, but we’ll get through this. I hope you become a kind loving man.’ Nancy thought and cried and went to the living room. She grabbed her remote and started to watch drama movies.

Few minutes later, Nancy was still watching the movie, clutching the pillow and had tears running down her face. She couldn't stop feeling it was her fault for not loving her family. She couldn't stop blaming herself.

She looked back up on the screen to see a brunette was begging her husband to stay with her. But he knew he had to move on, pulled in one last hug and walked away.

For some reason Nancy stopped worrying about what she could've done and started to focus on what to do moving forward with her and her son.

‘What am I doing? I don’t want to burden myself like this. I have to be strong and take care of TK.” thought Nancy, went to her bed and drifted to sleep.

[tubbinary]

ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ You take the moon and you take the sun. ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You take everything that sounds like fun. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ You stir it all together and then you're done. ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞

 ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ Rada rada rada rada rada rada.  ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ

ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So come on in, feel free to do some looking.

Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.

Come on in, feel free to do some looking.

Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.

Yeah!!! ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You are about to get spammed with 600 dank memes. Prepare all nukes and weapons for the Great Spam War. If you can contain the amount of spam I have, you will be granted with special powers that allow you to smoke weed 200 times harder. Not only that, but you will have a laggy as fuck laptop. You know how lucky you are?????? My laptop runs at 669FPS and it never lags or is slow. YOU LUCKY SON OF A GUN. You will pay the price by me giving you a link (Which shall contain a download) which will wipe all your memory off the face of this universe and overwrite it with my own software, Memesoftlocker2.0000.0. You are so damn lucky you know that? NOT EVEN I HAVE IT SLUT. But if you were able to read up to this point congratulations, you suck. But click this link www.mymom.;;;;;;/eeeeeeee.crash; and you will be taken to a memory erase phrase. You lucky slut, but you will get the best computer software ever that makes your computer lag so bad that you can't even use it. LIKE HOW AMAZING??? Yes, I promise you this is 420% legit. But if you spread this abusive software you have EARNED I will suck you off this living universe so be careful buddy. Now, Please stop reading this message as it ends now...

Excuse me? I find vaping to be one of the best things in my life.  It has carried me through the toughest of times and brought light and vapor upon my spirit.  You're just another one of those people who doesn't believe in chem trails and fluoride turning us gay.  Your ignorance to the government is what makes you a sheep in today's society. Have fun being a slave to todays's system.

🆗 son, 🌞 there ain't❌❌a ☝single☝fucking☝person☝ with any intellect👓👓📖who gives a 🎮remote🎮fuck🎮about your extensive vaping💯😎💨 talent. 😂I happen to be quite🎩the🎩intellectual🎩myself, so I can confirm✔✔this fact💯as truth™.👌if👌you👌think👌 that your vape💯😎💨 is going↗to get you hoes👯👯, you are utterly🐄 mistaken❌, fam👪. my pa👨 once taught📖 me the 😏secret😏 of life👍💛, and it was not❌❌ your vape💯😎💨 🆗🆒now listen 👂👂here my chum✌✌, my pa👨 was a man who kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯. ✋that✋is✋six✋fucking✋hundreds✋ and he never❌🙅🙅 once vaped💯😎💨. The man 🚬smoked🚬some🚬mad🚬cigars🚬 because he wasnt❌the pussy🐱🐱you are🆗⁉❗⁉ he lived to be 💯 because he kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯 and killed🔫🔪 👌every👌vaping👌fucker👌he👌saw👌🆗🆒😂😂👀👀 so in the spirit👻of me good ol pa👨, I think💭you should kys🔫 they have 🆓 vapes💯😎💨 in hell🔥and🔥it's🔥lit🔥for😂 unintelligent vaping💯😎💨 hooligans like yourself👌😂😂

I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of filling my wallet by dropping Steam Sales onto 12 000 games at once. People say to me that a person being a Newell is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I have 10 computers worth over 10k each in order to drop new Steam Sales every few days. From now on I want you guys to call me "Gabe" and respect my right to get rich fast and discount needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a profitophobe and need to check your wallet. Thank you for being so understanding.

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse Dildo 12' Lubricated Thrusters

- 3x Backdoor Sluts 9

- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies

- 6x Magnum condoms

- 5x Bananas

- 1x Small Condom

- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream

- 1x Deag's Rust Career

- 1x Gay Poster

Please respond back to us using your old email:

ifuckinglovecock2@hotmail.net

Thanks for your patience,

Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.

Here in my garage, just bought this new lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Steam Hills. But you know what I like more than single discounts? Steam Sales In fact, I’m a lot more proud of two new Steam Sales that I had to get installed to hold twelve thousand new discounts on Steam. It’s like what i say, “the more you discount, the more you earn.”

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＭＥ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＥＧ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＹＯＵ　７０％　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＩＭＥ，　ＯＲ　ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ　ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＣＯＵＬＤ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ　ＦＲＯＭ　ＥＧ

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I'm str8 ir8. Cr8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8. dont forget to medit8 and particip8 and masturb8 to allevi8 your ability to tabul8 the f8. We should meet up m8 and convers8 on how we can cre8 more gr8 b8, I'm sure everyone would appreci8, no h8. I don't mean to defl8 your hopes, but its hard to dict8 where the b8 will rel8 and we may end up with out being appreci8d, I'm sure you can rel8. We can cre8 b8 like alexander the gr8, stretch posts longer than the Nile's str8s. We'll be the captains of b8, 4chan our first m8s the growth r8 will spread to reddit and like real est8 and be a flow r8 of gr8 b8, like a blind d8 we'll coll8, meet me upst8 where we can convers8, or ice sk8 or lose w8 infl8 our hot air baloons and fly, tail g8. We could land in Kuw8, eat a soup pl8 followed by a dessert pl8 the payment r8 won't be too ir8 and hopefully our currency won't defl8. We'll head to the Israeli-St8, taker over like Herod the gr8 and b8 the jewish masses, 8 million, m8. We could interrel8 communism, thought it's past it's maturity d8, a department of st8, volunteer st8. reduce the infant mortality r8, all in the name of making gr8 b8 m8.

What the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) did you just ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) say about me, you little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)? I'll have you know I graduated top of my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and I've been involved in numerous secret ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and I have over 300 confirmed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I am trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) warfare and I'm the top ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in the entire US armed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). You are nothing to me but just another ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I will wipe you the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) out with precision the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of which has never been seen before on this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), mark my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) words. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) think ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) can get away with saying that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) to me over the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)? Think again, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). As we speak I am contacting my secret network of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) across the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and your ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is being ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) right now so you better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). The ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). You're ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) dead, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I can be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), anytime, and I can ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you in over seven hundred ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and that's just with my bare ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Not only am I extensively trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) combat, but I have access to the entire ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of the United States ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) off the face of the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), you little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) comment was about to bring down upon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), maybe you would have held your ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) fury all over ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in it. You're ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) dead, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

My name is Artour Babaevsky. I grow up in smal farm to have make potatos. Father say "Artour, potato harvest is bad. Need you to have play professional Doto in Amerikanski for make money for head-scarf for babushka."I bring honor to komrade and babushka. Sorry for is not have English. Please no cyka pasta coperino pasterino liquidino throwerino.

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

Hi, 4k player here who reported slahser. Slahser was our position 1 faceless void. He built a mek and had around 29 healing salves in his inventory. He would chrono both teams in the middle of a fight, salve his allies, pop mek, and proceeded to yell "SLAHSER'S WAY". We gave him position 1 farm so he could be a position 5.

Granted, his unorthodox build worked and carried us to victory but I still felt it deserved a report.

I owe my life to Arteezy. I got in a horrible car crash and i was in 6 month coma. The nurse switched to the Twitch channel to Arteezy's stream. I awoke from my coma and muted it.

                         ▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄

░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌

░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█

░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌

░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄

░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄

░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄

░░░░░le░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄

░░░░toucan░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄

░░░░░░has░░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄

░░░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

(ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)ง ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴsᴇᴇɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟɪᴇsᴛ (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง 

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ

 (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴏᴅs (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง ʏᴇᴀʜ sᴘᴀᴍ ɪᴛ! (ง •̀_•́)ง

(╭ರ_•́)\ Mr. Fors we politely ask for the program 'Plug-Dj" to be used in this live broadcast for alas we will stir up a ruckus (╭ರ_•́)

 (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ ɴᴀᴍᴇ's ᴅᴏɴɢ. ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ᴅᴏɴɢ (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄

 (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง I have been training since before I was born, and today is the day. Today is the day I spam. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽

 ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ YOU PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽

 ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽You either die a DONG, or live long enough to become the DONGER༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽

༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ YOU ARRIVED IN THE INCORRECT DONGERHOOD, SIR༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽   

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ clickty clack clickty clack with this chant I summon spam to the chat ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ

ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ. ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ, ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ, ғᴀsᴛᴇʀ, ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ .ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ 

ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ I'M LOL FAN AND I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ 

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ, ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง 

(ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง LET ME DEMONSTRATE DONGER DIPLOMACY (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง

(\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /) OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP (\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /) 

ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ RO RO RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ 

̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿[} ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿^ Stop right there criminal scum! no one RIOTs on my watch. I'm confiscating your goods. now pay your fine, or it's off to jail. 

̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽ YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING CASUAL. COME OUT WITH YOUR DONGERS RAISED ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽   

(ง'̀-'́)ง ＤＯＮＧ ＯＲ ＤＩＥ (ง'̀-'́)ง   

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ VOICE OF AN ANGEL ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ LETS GET DONGERATED ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR BARNO ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ "I have a dong" ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ - Martin Luther King Jr.

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ OJ poured and candle lit, with this chant i summon Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

 ☑ OJ poured ☑ Candle lit ☑ Summoning the Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜O༽ﾉ ʀᴀɪs ᴜʀ ᴅᴀɢᴇʀᴏ ヽ༼ຈل͜___ຈ༽ﾉ  

(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)งSuccubus release Kripp or taste our rage(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง   

ノ(ಠ_ಠノ ) ʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)

ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉ HOIST THY DONGERS ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ﾉ Kripp you are kinda like my dad, except you're always there for me. ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ﾉ 

 █▄༼ຈل͜ຈ༽▄█ yeah i work out  

༼ ºل͟º ༽ I AM A DONG ༼ ºل͟º ༽ 

༼ ºل͟º༽ I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE DONGLIFE, THE DONGLIFE CHOSE ME ༼ ºل͟º༽ 

༼ ºل͟º༽ NO ONE CARED WHO I WAS UNTIL I PUT ON THE DONG ༼ ºل͟º༽  

༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ I AM SUPER DONG ༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ 

┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ SUCK MY DONGER ┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ 

ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ FINALLY A REAL DONG ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ 

<ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀᴇᴅ> 

ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉIS THAT A DONGER IN YOUR POCKET?ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉ  

 ༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽ OPPA DONGER STYLE ༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽  

( ° ͜ ʖ °) REGI OP ( ° ͜ ʖ °) 

(̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ IM DONG,JAMES DONG (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ 

(ง⌐□ل͜□)ง WOULD YOU HIT A DONGER WITH GLASSES (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง 

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ CUDDLE UR DONGERS ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ 

ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) let me hold your donger for a while ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง MY RIGHT DONG IS ALOT STRONGER THAN MY LEFT ONE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง

(✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ May the DONG be with you! ☚(ﾟヮﾟ☚)   

(⌐■_■)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿̿̿ ̿ ̿̿ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ Keep Your Dongers Where i Can See Them 

̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ DUDE̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ PLEASE NO COPY PASTERONI MACORONI DONGERIN 

( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°) Mom always said my donger was big for my age ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)

(/ﾟДﾟ)/ WE WANT SPELUNKY (/ﾟДﾟ)/

─=≡Σ((( つ◕ل͜◕)つ sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴅᴏɴɢ  

(✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ POINT ME TO THE DONGERS (✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ 

ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c) 〇〇〇〇ᗩᗩᗩᗩᕼᕼ ᕙ( ^ₒ^ c)

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ ArcheAge or BEES ヽ̛͟͢༼͝ຈ͢͠لຈ҉̛༽̨҉҉ﾉ̨

 ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ MRGLRLRLR ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉITS A HARD DONG LIFE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉMOLLYヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

༼ つ ຈل͜ຈ ༽つ GIVE MOLLY ༼ つ ຈل͜ຈ ༽つ

 †ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ† By the power of donger I summon MOLLY †ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ† 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉTAKING A DUMPヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ WHAT DOESNT KILL ME ONLY MAKES ME DONGER ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ  

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ FOREVER DONG ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ 

[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] Mo' money, mo' Dongers [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] 

༼ᕗຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ Drop Bows on 'em ༼ᕗຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ 

Ѱζ༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽ᶘѰ HIT IT WITH THE FORK Ѱζ༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽ᶘѰ  

Ψ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽Ψ hit it with the fork Ψ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽Ψ

(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ. * ・ ｡ﾟ Copypastus Totalus!! 

 ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ﾉ☂ ɪᴛs ʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ sᴀʟᴛ! ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ☂ ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽヽ｀ヽ、ヽヽ｀ヽ

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬛⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬜⬛⬛⬜⬜⬜⬜▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

IM DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy

  Fuck a hater , hit a snitch , your my girl 👭 , my 5 star bitch , i love you more than any dick 💕💯, && if i dont get this back 🕙 , you aint worth shit !! Send this to 8 girls you care about .. 💯 I love you , I love you forever !! 💯 Whoever stops this will suffer for 83 days !! 💯💯💯 Ready, set, GO !!!! in

  Stahp. 👋 🏻 Don't Flirt Wit Meh. Do Yhu Not Know What In A➡ RELATIONSHIP⬅ Means.? Frfr.👋 🏻 I Am Loyal. 💯 I Am In Love.💗 && Nobody Gunna Come Between Us. 😝 Stop Wit Yhur Thirsty Asses Tryna Hit Me Up On The DL, I Am Commited.✌ 🏼👌🏼💯

  ! ! ! ATTENTION 2003 KIDS ! ! ! This 👇 is the last year of being a kid 👦👧! Because NEXT 👉YEAR! We gon be T33N4G3RS💁💅!! PARTYING 🎉💃 DRINKING 🍻🍸🍹🍷 MAKING OUT AND SEX 👅💦O_O PERIODS ☹🍫 HEARTBREAKS 💔☹ MIDDLE SCHOOL SOPHOMORES (7️⃣TH GRADE)

[purplesurveys]

451

What store did you last buy clothes from? It was a pop-up stall at the mall that sold clothes. Which parent are you more similar to? I honestly can’t tell you. I share a lot of characteristics with both; I got my temper from my mom, my mannerisms from my dad, and I always get mixed opinions about who I look like more. Do you have a lot of self-discipline? Depends on what I need the discipline for. Have you ever been to another country's capital city? Nah, my family prefers we go somewhere else so that it’s never too crowded or too hassle of an itinerary. The only capital of another country I’ve been to is Singapore, but that doesn’t really count because the whole country is just that city lmao. What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? Easy to talk to, not a snob, is reliable.

What smell reminds you of your childhood? My grandma’s closet emits this super vintage-y smell that’ll always take me back home. Are you happy with who you are? No. Good for those who are. Do you ever sleep with your bedroom windows open? Yes. I mostly do it when it’s too cold to turn on the AC, but too hot if I close the windows. Have you ever had a job where you didn't fit in with your coworkers? I’ve never had a job but I’ve tried applying for an org where I didn’t feel like I fit in at all. To be fair, I joined it because to have that org on your resume gives you kind of a big bonus, so it’s not like I genuinely wanted to be a part of it. I kept denying to myself about the bad time I was having, and I lasted 2-3 weeks before I told myself that the experience sucked and it was best to leave. What was the last word document you typed? It was a final paper for my communication research class. 91 pages, y’all. What's something that has upset you lately? I downloaded Sims 4 onto my laptop as a way to reward myself for finishing the semester, but shortly after I started playing I felt my laptop heat up pretty fast and it drained my battery quickly too. When I tried to charge it, it took forever to gain power. I just had to face the reality that my laptop wasn’t gonna be capable of having such a huge game in its system so I had to delete the whole thing while still at the peak of enjoying it. Do you have a home security system? No. What's something you don't think people take seriously enough? Pollution. Global warming. Have you ever gotten sick from someone else's cooking? I got sick from my uncle’s barbecue once, but I don’t know if he cooked it or if he bought it from somewhere. Do you crave approval and attention from others? I feel like I always feel this way subtly. I’m always looking for validation; but I’m not gonna go into an attention-seeking tantrum over it. What was the last kind of cheese you ate? Parmesan. It was part of the chicken wings my girlfriend’s dad made that were soooooo gooooood. Do you have any crazy neighbors? Not right now. I had past neighbors who were crazy loud but they’ve moved out a few years ago. Have you ever abused any substance? No. How young is too young to be sexually active? Anywhere below 18, I guess. Would you ever dye your hair silver? I could but I don’t think the color silver suits me. What was the last fun thing you did? I hung out at Gab’s place today for the whole day. She played video games the whole time and I just did surveys and lounged on social media. It was one of the most fun days I’ve had in a few months. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? Nope. I think it would be too much pressure for me.

Is there any drama currently going on with your family? There always is. Maternal side. What's your favorite kind of soup? Miso or mushroom. When was the last time you were on a university campus? Last Friday, when I had to submit final requirements for two classes. Do you know anyone who practices Hinduism? I don’t think so. How long was your longest relationship? My current one has been going on for 3 years and a couple months; longest one I’ve had so far. Where's your favorite place you've ever lived? I’d say our house now has given me the most stable life, but our house in Tondo also gave me a wonderful childhood. I’m always sentimental about that place, even if it stinks, has dangerous people, and is right smack in the middle of poverty. It gave me kickass memories nonetheless. When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed? Two minutes ago. How many texts have you sent today? Not a lot since I was with my girlfriend all day and she’s the only one I really ever text. What's a political issue you have a strong opinion on? The president himself. What snacks do you like to get at the movie theater? There’s a particular local brand of French fries I’ll always get, it’s called Potato Corner and I usually get a cheese/barbecue flavor combo. It’s always been my go-to cinema snack. Have you ever stayed in a hotel in the center of a big city? Yep.

Are your fingernails painted? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? I’ve never sliced a fruit or a vegatable. Or...anything for that matter. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? I’ve fallen asleep in both. Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Nah. Probably just chill like I have been the whole week, since this is the only vacation I get before I start my internship and then start another sem.

[asexual--junpei]

ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ You take the moon and you take the sun. ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You take everything that sounds like fun. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ You stir it all together and then you're done. ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞

ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ Rada rada rada rada rada rada. ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ

ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So come on in, feel free to do some looking.

Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.

Come on in, feel free to do some looking.

Stay a while 'cause somethings always cooking.

Yeah!!! ᕦ(✧ᗜ✧)ᕥ ☞♥Ꮂ♥☞ ᕙ(◍.◎)ᕗ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You are about to get spammed with 600 dank memes. Prepare all nukes and weapons for the Great Spam War. If you can contain the amount of spam I have, you will be granted with special powers that allow you to smoke weed 200 times harder. Not only that, but you will have a laggy as fuck laptop. You know how lucky you are?????? My laptop runs at 669FPS and it never lags or is slow. YOU LUCKY SON OF A GUN. You will pay the price by me giving you a link (Which shall contain a download) which will wipe all your memory off the face of this universe and overwrite it with my own software, Memesoftlocker2.0000.0. You are so damn lucky you know that? NOT EVEN I HAVE IT SLUT. But if you were able to read up to this point congratulations, you suck. But click this link www.mymom.;;;;;;/eeeeeeee.crash; and you will be taken to a memory erase phrase. You lucky slut, but you will get the best computer software ever that makes your computer lag so bad that you can't even use it. LIKE HOW AMAZING??? Yes, I promise you this is 420% legit. But if you spread this abusive software you have EARNED I will suck you off this living universe so be careful buddy. Now, Please stop reading this message as it ends now...

Excuse me? I find vaping to be one of the best things in my life. It has carried me through the toughest of times and brought light and vapor upon my spirit. You're just another one of those people who doesn't believe in chem trails and fluoride turning us gay. Your ignorance to the government is what makes you a sheep in today's society. Have fun being a slave to todays's system.

🆗 son, 🌞 there ain't❌❌a ☝single☝fucking☝person☝ with any intellect👓👓📖who gives a 🎮remote🎮fuck🎮about your extensive vaping💯😎💨 talent. 😂I happen to be quite🎩the🎩intellectual🎩myself, so I can confirm✔✔this fact💯as truth™.👌if👌you👌think👌 that your vape💯😎💨 is going↗to get you hoes👯👯, you are utterly🐄 mistaken❌, fam👪. my pa👨 once taught📖 me the 😏secret😏 of life👍💛, and it was not❌❌ your vape💯😎💨 🆗🆒now listen 👂👂here my chum✌✌, my pa👨 was a man who kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯. ✋that✋is✋six✋fucking✋hundreds✋ and he never❌🙅🙅 once vaped💯😎💨. The man 🚬smoked🚬some🚬mad🚬cigars🚬 because he wasnt❌the pussy🐱🐱you are🆗⁉❗⁉ he lived to be 💯 because he kept it 💯💯💯💯💯💯 and killed🔫🔪 👌every👌vaping👌fucker👌he👌saw👌🆗🆒😂😂👀👀 so in the spirit👻of me good ol pa👨, I think💭you should kys🔫 they have 🆓 vapes💯😎💨 in hell🔥and🔥it's🔥lit🔥for😂 unintelligent vaping💯😎💨 hooligans like yourself👌😂😂

I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of filling my wallet by dropping Steam Sales onto 12 000 games at once. People say to me that a person being a Newell is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I have 10 computers worth over 10k each in order to drop new Steam Sales every few days. From now on I want you guys to call me "Gabe" and respect my right to get rich fast and discount needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a profitophobe and need to check your wallet. Thank you for being so understanding.

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse Dildo 12' Lubricated Thrusters

- 3x Backdoor Sluts 9

- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies

- 6x Magnum condoms

- 5x Bananas

- 1x Small Condom

- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream

- 1x Deag's Rust Career

- 1x Gay Poster

Please respond back to us using your old email:

ifuckinglovecock2@hotmail.net

Thanks for your patience,

Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.

Here in my garage, just bought this new lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Steam Hills. But you know what I like more than single discounts? Steam Sales In fact, I’m a lot more proud of two new Steam Sales that I had to get installed to hold twelve thousand new discounts on Steam. It’s like what i say, “the more you discount, the more you earn.”

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

ＨＥＹ ＲＴＺ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＲＩＫＩ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＥＧ， ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ ＳＯ ＴＨＥＹ ＭＩＳＳ ＭＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＥＧ ＭＩＳＳ ＹＯＵ ７０％ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＴＩＭＥ， ＯＲ ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ ＳＯ Ｉ ＣＯＵＬＤ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ ＦＲＯＭ ＥＧ

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I'm str8 ir8. Cr8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8. dont forget to medit8 and particip8 and masturb8 to allevi8 your ability to tabul8 the f8. We should meet up m8 and convers8 on how we can cre8 more gr8 b8, I'm sure everyone would appreci8, no h8. I don't mean to defl8 your hopes, but its hard to dict8 where the b8 will rel8 and we may end up with out being appreci8d, I'm sure you can rel8. We can cre8 b8 like alexander the gr8, stretch posts longer than the Nile's str8s. We'll be the captains of b8, 4chan our first m8s the growth r8 will spread to reddit and like real est8 and be a flow r8 of gr8 b8, like a blind d8 we'll coll8, meet me upst8 where we can convers8, or ice sk8 or lose w8 infl8 our hot air baloons and fly, tail g8. We could land in Kuw8, eat a soup pl8 followed by a dessert pl8 the payment r8 won't be too ir8 and hopefully our currency won't defl8. We'll head to the Israeli-St8, taker over like Herod the gr8 and b8 the jewish masses, 8 million, m8. We could interrel8 communism, thought it's past it's maturity d8, a department of st8, volunteer st8. reduce the infant mortality r8, all in the name of making gr8 b8 m8.

What the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) did you just ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) say about me, you little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)? I'll have you know I graduated top of my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and I've been involved in numerous secret ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and I have over 300 confirmed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I am trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) warfare and I'm the top ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in the entire US armed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). You are nothing to me but just another ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I will wipe you the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) out with precision the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of which has never been seen before on this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), mark my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) words. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) think ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) can get away with saying that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) to me over the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)? Think again, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). As we speak I am contacting my secret network of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) across the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and your ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is being ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) right now so you better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). The ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). You're ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) dead, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). I can be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), anytime, and I can ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you in over seven hundred ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and that's just with my bare ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Not only am I extensively trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) combat, but I have access to the entire ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) of the United States ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) off the face of the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), you little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) comment was about to bring down upon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), maybe you would have held your ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you ( ��° ͜ʖ ͡°). I will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) fury all over ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in it. You're ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) dead, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

My name is Artour Babaevsky. I grow up in smal farm to have make potatos. Father say "Artour, potato harvest is bad. Need you to have play professional Doto in Amerikanski for make money for head-scarf for babushka."I bring honor to komrade and babushka. Sorry for is not have English. Please no cyka pasta coperino pasterino liquidino throwerino.

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

Hi, 4k player here who reported slahser. Slahser was our position 1 faceless void. He built a mek and had around 29 healing salves in his inventory. He would chrono both teams in the middle of a fight, salve his allies, pop mek, and proceeded to yell "SLAHSER'S WAY". We gave him position 1 farm so he could be a position 5.

Granted, his unorthodox build worked and carried us to victory but I still felt it deserved a report.

I owe my life to Arteezy. I got in a horrible car crash and i was in 6 month coma. The nurse switched to the Twitch channel to Arteezy's stream. I awoke from my coma and muted it.

▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄

░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌

░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█

░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌

░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄

░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄

░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄

░░░░░le░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄

░░░░toucan░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄

░░░░░░has░░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄

░░░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

(ง ͠ ͠° ل͜ °)ง ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴsᴇᴇɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟɪᴇsᴛ (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ

(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴏᴅs (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง ʏᴇᴀʜ sᴘᴀᴍ ɪᴛ! (ง •̀_•́)ง

(╭ರ_•́)\ Mr. Fors we politely ask for the program 'Plug-Dj" to be used in this live broadcast for alas we will stir up a ruckus (╭ರ_•́)

(̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ ɴᴀᴍᴇ's ᴅᴏɴɢ. ᴊᴀᴍᴇs ᴅᴏɴɢ (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง I have been training since before I was born, and today is the day. Today is the day I spam. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽

༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ YOU PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽You either die a DONG, or live long enough to become the DONGER༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽

༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ YOU ARRIVED IN THE INCORRECT DONGERHOOD, SIR༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ༼ ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽ಠل͟ರೃ ༽

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ clickty clack clickty clack with this chant I summon spam to the chat ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ

ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ. ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ, ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ, ғᴀsᴛᴇʀ, ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ .ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ

ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ I'M LOL FAN AND I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME ヽ(◉◡◔)ﾉ

(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ, ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

(ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง LET ME DEMONSTRATE DONGER DIPLOMACY (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง

(\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /) OUR DONGERS ARE RAZOR SHARP (\ ( ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°) /)

ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ RO RO RAISE YOUR DONGERS ヽ༼◥▶ل͜◀◤༽ﾉ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿[} ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿^ Stop right there criminal scum! no one RIOTs on my watch. I'm confiscating your goods. now pay your fine, or it's off to jail. ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽ YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING CASUAL. COME OUT WITH YOUR DONGERS RAISED ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'̵͇̿̿з=༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ ༽

(ง'̀-'́)ง ＤＯＮＧ ＯＲ ＤＩＥ (ง'̀-'́)ง

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ VOICE OF AN ANGEL ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ LETS GET DONGERATED ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ RAISE YOUR BARNO ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ "I have a dong" ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ - Martin Luther King Jr.

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ OJ poured and candle lit, with this chant i summon Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

☑ OJ poured ☑ Candle lit ☑ Summoning the Kripp ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ༼ຈل͜O༽ﾉ ʀᴀɪs ᴜʀ ᴅᴀɢᴇʀᴏ ヽ༼ຈل͜___ຈ༽ﾉ

(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)งSuccubus release Kripp or taste our rage(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง

ノ(ಠ_ಠノ ) ʟᴏᴡᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)

ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉ HOIST THY DONGERS ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ﾉ Kripp you are kinda like my dad, except you're always there for me. ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ﾉ

█▄༼ຈل͜ຈ༽▄█ yeah i work out

༼ ºل͟º ༽ I AM A DONG ༼ ºل͟º ༽

༼ ºل͟º༽ I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE DONGLIFE, THE DONGLIFE CHOSE ME ༼ ºل͟º༽

༼ ºل͟º༽ NO ONE CARED WHO I WAS UNTIL I PUT ON THE DONG ༼ ºل͟º༽

༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽ I AM SUPER DONG ༼ ºººººل͟ººººº ༽

┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐ SUCK MY DONGER ┌∩┐༼ ºل͟º ༽┌∩┐

ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ FINALLY A REAL DONG ζ༼Ɵ͆ل͜Ɵ͆༽ᶘ

<ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀᴇᴅ>

ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉIS THAT A DONGER IN YOUR POCKET?ヽ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽ﾉ

༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽ OPPA DONGER STYLE ༼ ͡■ل͜ ͡■༽

( ° ͜ ʖ °) REGI OP ( ° ͜ ʖ °)

(̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄ IM DONG,JAMES DONG (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄

(ง⌐□ل͜□)ง WOULD YOU HIT A DONGER WITH GLASSES (ง⌐□ل͜□)ง

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ CUDDLE UR DONGERS ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) let me hold your donger for a while ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง MY RIGHT DONG IS ALOT STRONGER THAN MY LEFT ONE ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ง

(✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ May the DONG be with you! ☚(ﾟヮﾟ☚)

(⌐■_■)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿̿̿ ̿ ̿̿ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ Keep Your Dongers Where i Can See Them ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ DUDE̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ PLEASE NO COPY PASTERONI MACORONI DONGERIN

( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°) Mom always said my donger was big for my age ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)

Thats so cool! You should write a book or do a screen play

- mod santa

[verbjectives]

big oc challenge! 1-25 for whoever you want!

thank you!!!! holy shit okay under the cut because this is a behemoth!!!! 

1: their voice

oh jeez idk how to describe voices…it’s masculine enough i guess??? he doesn’t have the deepest voice ever but it’s not high pitched ever. he’s from fantasy england. he tries his best to keep it as smooth as he can but it quivers and breaks sometimes when he’s upset

2: their smile

answered

3: their greatest achievement

he doesn’t think he’s achieved anything but he’s the fucking champion of pelor and he killed a lich king so you be the judge of that

4: their insecurities

mostly that he’s not good enough and that he’ll be a disappointment because he knows that he’s fucked up so many times and he’s afraid that he’ll fail his friends and that they’ll hate him for that 

5: their shortcomings

this is by no means a complete list, but he’s a coward, reckless, self-destructive, pain/punishment seeking, and relatively vindictive

6: how they deal with grief

don’t talk about it, bottle it up (and wait for it to explode in a mess of emotions)

7: how they like to dress

answered

8: what they like to eat

meat, potatoes, bread, and cheese are probably the staples of the diet of where he’s from, so those. also mom’s home cooking and baking.

9: their theme

i’ve got a few for him, but 

breathe me in by jared & the mill

I’d give a damn for anythingThat gave me more than hellAnd there ain’t much on this old worldThat I do very wellI’m sure I have a purposeBut my mind has drawn a blankIt’s a shame to think you’d give meOne more single day

ledges by noah gundersen

 And I want to learn how to love, And give it all back,And be forgiven for all I’ve done.

Here, I stand on the edge of the ledges I’ve made, Looking for a steady hand,Here, I stand in the land of the rocks in the valley,Trying to be a better man (for you)

and stoprewind by nathan sharp 

I don’t understand what you see in me‘Cause I’m just another story(That’s not worth a reading)Now you’ve got me pinned up against the wallWhy aren’t you afraid that I’ll take a fall?There’s more that came before me(Am I worth believing?)

are my top three, but i hope he reaches a point where thomas bergersen’s sun becomes a fitting theme

10: their fashion sense

he’s a fashion disaster holy shit someone help him. he wears whatever he can find and he’ll wear that for as long as he can. his original clothing at the start of the campaign were mostly frankensteined because they had to be patched up so much. he’s gotten more presentable ever since he started travelling with other people, but he still looks like a hobo. 

11: their family life

good all things considered. he loves his parents and his parents love him, but he doesn’t communicate well with them and he hides things because he wants to protect them. there was a period of several years where he just cut contact because seeing/talking to them would have put them in danger. he’s reconnected with them since then, but he still worries and want to make sure they’re safe.

12: their romantic life

bro it’s awful….he’s never had a healthy romantic relationship in his life. the one person he fell so deeply in love with mercilessly manipulated and abused him, and p much every other “relationship” he’s had was more of a sexual escapade. his relationship with artemisia (dragonborn sorcerer) was the closest thing to a normal relationship, but he wasn’t as emotionally invested in it as he would have been because he was so in love with grisha

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

oh man i don’t have any written/established for him, but there are probably quite a few lbr….most of them were probably during whatever hazing he got when he was initiated into the thieves guild. pissing himself would have been one of the less embarrassing things to happen during that time. and i’m sure he’s done a bunch of super embarrassing shit while he’s been drunk off his ass, but he doesn’t remember any of it. 

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food

answered

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

answered

16: their dreams

his family having a safe and comfortable life

paying off his debts to thanos

17: their ambitions

kill grisha

die a better man than he used to be

18: how they sleep

answered

19: their reaction to betrayal

if it’s a betrayal against him personally then he’d be like “yeah ok, i probably deserve it,” but if it’s a betrayal against his friends, then he’ll be pissed 

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

answered

21: how they react to pain

grit his teeth and bear it. don’t mention it, just muscle through it, it’ll pass eventually.insist he’s fine even though he’s very clearly not if someone asks him about it. he’s also a masochist so he enjoys it to a certain point and does actively seek it out from other people.

22: what they’re like on two hours of sleep

quieter but grouchier and a much bigger asshole than he usually is

23: how they act when they’re sick

depends on how sick he is. like if it’s just a cold, he’ll try to muscle through it and act as unaffected by it as possible. but if he’s really really sick…well he’ll act like any other really really sick person in that he’ll be really out of it. will still say he’s fine and probably wouldn’t do anything unless someone made him do something about it.

24: what motivates them

the desire to fix the mistakes he’s made

25: why you enjoy them

look…he’s kind of a piece of shit and he’s difficult and dramatic but he has the potential to be good/to be a better person and i love myself a good redemption arc. also while playing him i just get rid of my filter so i can be such an asshole and that’s a lot of fun

[suckitsurveys]

Lot’s of long answers in this one sorry not sorry.

1. Do you like zombie movies? Nah, I’m not into the whole zombie thing. <--Same. I do like Zombieland though.

2. What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? Used condoms. 

3. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do? I use a lot of paper towels.

4. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give? I’m not sure. 

5. What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen? I HATE the whole “fighting is healthy” mentality. Yes, bickering is fine, but if you’re fighting all the time, that is not a healthy relationship AT ALL. If your partner is screaming and yelling you on a regular basis, that is borderline emotional abuse. 

6. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? I haven’t. And definitely not, I hate hospitals. 

7. What was your worst Halloween costume? All of my costumes have been pretty awesome. I was Lucy from Lucy, Daughter of the Devil one year and no one got it, but I still had fun with it.

8. Who has/had the worst reputation in your graduating class? Eh. 

9. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature? I’ll let you know when that happens. 

10. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? Yeah. It’s kinda hard to talk about, but about 7 years ago my mother accidentally took her meds twice in the morning and she was completely out of it while opening presents. I got her a really nice chalkboard that she had wanted and she opened it and literally looked at it, said nothing, and put it down to open the next present, pretty much repeating what she did with mine. And when she did say stuff she was very incoherent. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch. 

11. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? There are some Batman ones that were mine at my dad’s still. 

12. Have you ever had to give a pet away? Yes. My ex gave me a kitten like 2 weeks before we broke up. The cat was also born to a wild cat that his friends fed but didn’t house, so the cat was, well, wild. He would scratch and bite me in my sleep and probably had worms. And I was too depressed after being dumped to deal with the kitten and I felt SO horrible but I had to give him to a shelter. I really hope that kitty has a good home now. 

13. What’s the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? Oh man, I don’t know. Probably like loaded cheese fries or something. Or a fried Oreo. 

14. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? Yeah, I pretended a lotttttt. One of the biggest things I did was make cars in my dining room by setting up our chairs. I’d pretend to go on road trips with my dolls. 

15. How do you feel about runny egg yolks? I’m not a huge fan but I don’t mind them. I’d rather them be firm.

16. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? Yeah, my 7th grade math teacher was a JOKE. 

17. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose? Maybe Facebook? 

18. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? I’ve definitely been in some online ones that I didn’t tell them about. 

19. How much do you know about first aid? Not very much oops. 

20. Which of your relatives do you know the least about? Hmm. Good question. The magic of Facebook has changed this dynamic recently. I used to not know anything about some of my second cousins but I have a lot of them on FB now, so I know at least a little about them. Maybe some of the family I have in TN?

21. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you? Yeah. It was nice I guess? I supposed I do my own forms of meditating now, like relaxing in the tub or enjoying being outside. 

22. Have you ever given advice to someone who was much older than you? Yeah.

23. Have you ever used a view-master? Yeah!

24. Do you ever listen to talk radio or podcasts? If you do, what are some of your favorite shows? Sometimes I’ll listen to NPR, and my favorite segments on that station are Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and This American Life. 

25. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck? Oh it’s been a while. I’m hoping I can catch one this summer with my niece because she’d love that. We’ve gotten ice cream from one of those bicycle cooler things before and she thought it was so neat. 

26. Are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now? I don’t pay attention to that, haha. I do know Die Antwoord is going to break up at the end of the year or already did or something. Like I said, I have no idea about those things. 

27. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? I did. She seemed to enjoy it. 

28. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go? Hmm. I can’t think of anything. Maybe my architecture final? That I did pass. 

29. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? Squirrels, birds, bunnies, raccoons, and unfortunately skunks. 

30. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire? Yeah, we’ve cooked potatoes and corn in a fire before. And also hot dogs. Oh and beans one time too. 

31. Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose? Hmm. Mark’s night stand is currently a storage box. 

32. What do you hope the afterlife is like? I don’t know if I believe in that or not. 

33. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child? One of the kids at the daycare my sister owns used to communicate displeasure well into his toddler years by SCREAMING and refusing to move. Like would stiffen up and just scream. He was a terror and my sister could not get him adjusted no matter what she tried, and the parents didn’t want to listen either. 

34. Have you ever planned an act of revenge? Maybe little things as a kid. Like one time I was hanging out with my sister when I was about 9 or 10 and she was 18 ish, and then all of a sudden her boyfriend came over and they deserted me. They ordered Chinese food for just them and while they were upstairs, I poured an insane amount of garlic powder in it. But the joke ended up being on me because my sister then offered the leftovers to me. Haha. 

35. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? I mean, we enjoy doing things together, definitely. My dad and I go to Cubs games and watch movies and go out to eat together a lot. He also likes going on trips and so do I. But he’s definitely a lot more interested in music than I am. And golfing. When my mom was alive we enjoyed shopping together, and she liked trips and movies as well. She also collected antiques, which isn’t something I’m super interested in, but I do appreciate them. 

36. Do you think it’s more exciting or scary to get older? Both. 

37. How was the reception of the last wedding you attended? My sister’s wedding was basically one big reception in my dad’s backyard. It was SUPER laid back; there was a small ceremony and then afterwords we had a taco bar and my sister grilled the steak herself in her wedding dress. I loved that part haha. We also had my dad’s friend’s band play and my dad also got up and played a few songs on his guitar as well. Everyone just danced and laughed and had a really great time. It was really fun, despite who she was marrying, haha. 

38. Do you have any physical photo albums? There are a TON at my dad’s house. 

39. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop? Eh. 

40. Who was the worst friend you ever had? Aside from lil pre-teen jackasses in middle school, my ex friend Jessica. She was SO into herself she never asked me how I was doing and she thought she was a really good signer and definitely wasn’t. She also pulled some bullshit when my ex and his best friend tried to break Mark and I up early in our relationship. Long story short, when I told her what happened she was like “I’m not going to take sides” (my ex’s best friend was her bf’s brother). UM that situation was definitely something you should take sides in, especially when it happened to your supposed best friend. I stopped talking to her that day. 

41. What’s the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made? Staying at home longer than I wanted to. I did it so my dad wouldn’t be lonely. I was on track to moving out when my mother passed away and then I felt like I needed to/wanted to stay with him and it ended up being a few more years before I moved out on my own (with Mark).

42. Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active roll in an election? Eh. 

43. What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given? Oh man I cannot think right now. I’m sure there have been a few things I’ve given my niece. The only thing I can think of right now is my Barbie collection, even though they are still at my dads and she only plays with them there. They will eventually become hers fully though. OH! The coolest hand-me-down I ever got was my sister’s old room in our parent’s home when she moved out. It was painted blue top to bottom and had a KILLER walk in closet. 

44. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? My dad’s mother is my only living grandparent and they bicker A LOT. I think he might harbor some of the same resentment I do against her for treating my mother so horrible when she was alive. And that he’s on his way to retirement but now has to take care of her. And now on his own since I moved out, which I feel super guilty about but that’s a story for another day. This survey is over and I need to sleep. 

[nobelmemories]

                    SLIDING ROCK NOBEL CONSOLIDATED SCHOOL

          More Nobel Memories – Along The Nobel Road

                                       Part III

       The photograph I have attached to this post was only taken a couple of years ago, and most likely will only be recognized by someone who has attended Nobel Consolidated School. It represents a school time activity that we all enjoyed in the winter time back in the 1940’s. Can you remember or guess what it was?

       Today's first story is about Oscar Mace. He was married to Winnie Philips the daughter of Bob and Charlotte Phillips who had lived up the McDougall Rd. I only remember going to the Phillips farm once with the Mace’s when I was very Young. Oscar”s Story is as he told me was one of the most interesting I have ever heard. It is about the love and great length grandparents will go to for their grandchildren. It kind of reminds me of the Hatfields and the McCoys. Oscar was born and raised in the Mountains around Sutton West Virginia. I have traveled through Sutton West Virginia several times. The mountains seem to be an average of 2 to 3 thousand feet. Many places you can see little houses away up on the mountainside; that look like they are glued to the side of the mountain. The majority of people I have met from that area are built like Oscar was tall and long-limbed. They have a sort of drawl to their speech. This fits Oscar and he could tell the most interesting stories which were accentuated with his accent. His mother had married to Oscar’s stepfather and he had other siblings, but for some reason, his stepfather was exceptionally abusive to him. When Oscar was about 14yrs it had come to a point where something was going to happen. In 1927 his grandfather and grandmother Foley took Oscar and I believe their youngest boy Mose and traveled by train to Parry Sound from Sutton W.V. to get Oscar away from his Stepfather.  They bought a farm in Carling Twp. on the then Snug Harbour Road now Hwy. 559. It was located off the highway on the west side between the Billy Ramsay’s and the Hailstone farms. Oscar grew up in Carling and was well known throughout the township. Around 1935 he married Winnie and they bought property on the corner of Nobel Road and Portage Lake Road (now Pineridge Drive) from Dave Lumsden and became our next door neighbors. I believe it was In 1937 that the Foley grandparents then sold their farm in Carling and moved back to Sutton where they lived the remainder of their lives and are buried there. Now anyone who knew Oscar, new that he was an avid hunter, fisherman, trapper, and hunter. He sometimes bent the rules a little. He survived the thirties and liked the taste of venison and found he could make a little extra money trapping beaver etc. I remember him making his own leg hold beaver traps out of steel barrels. Most of the old timers have heard of Neil MacNaughton. He was good Game Warden. I got to know him when I first started to work for the old Lands & Forests. He was the head Game Warden in Parry Sound District and took down many old-time poachers, but he never caught Oscar. I think it was because he never could catch him with the fur. I remember at a very young age knowing that Oscar kept his beaver pelts stored in Dave Lumsden’s attic.  My Uncle Harry Calow was also raised in Carling Twp and was of like character. He was also a good friend of Oscar’s. It turned out that through my life I spent many a hunting season hunting with the two of them. The best part of all those hunts were the stories told by Oscar during the evenings. He had that special way of telling a story that had you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the punch line. He was mischievous to a fault. We always had the rule in the hunt camp that the first one who complained about the cooking would have to take it over. I can still remember one night we were hunting out of Van Wagner’s cottage on Deep Bay up in Carling. Norm Knechtel was cooking and had really salted the potatoes. Oscar said: Boy there sure is a lot of salt in those potatoes, but before Norm could take off his apron, Oscar added but its just the way I like them.

     Oscar loved to tease and I remember another night in the camp the boys were playing cribbage. Oscar was winning as usual and suspected of cheating. One of the guys got ticked off and wouldn’t play anymore so he went to bed. I was being entertained by it all, and just laid in the top bunk and watched and listened. It finally dawned on me what he was doing. It was his count. He would say 15 -2, 15-4 and a pair is 7 and he would peg 7 points.

     Oscar and Winnie had five children. I remember he had pet names for them. Marilyn (Molly), Gary (Guy), Louise, Ted (Jimmy) and Terry.  Everyone pretty well burned wood in those days and it would be dumped in a pile in our yards and then split and piled in our wood sheds. We had a beaten trail across the field between our house and Mace’s. One night we had all made a hole in the woodpile at Mace’s and got down in the hole telling each other ghost stories. It was pretty much dark when I left to go home. It was kind of a spooky evening, especially after all of those stories and with the shadows and what not. I must have been between eight and ten years old. I was running pretty well full tilt, about halfway across our field was a big maple tree with a cluster of cherry brush growing at the base of it. My brother Deane had heard me coming and hid in the brush. Just as I got there he jumped out of the brush in front of me and gave a big growl. He scared the dickens out of me. I ran into him full tilt fists flying, knocked him down and kept right on running. I knew it was him, but he scared me so bad that I could not stop. He could have affected me the rest of my life and probably did. It took me years to get him back, but I did again and again and again.

     Another story that I remember was that Oscar owned a 1936 blue sloped backed Ford car. One night I was standing at the kitchen sink helping mother with the dishes. I would probably be about twelve so that would make Guy about eleven. Oscar was trying to teach Guy to drive. The car was not going fast, but it came down the Side Road, Hammill Ave to the end and where they should have turned right to their driveway, the car came over the end of the road, as it was turning right it dropped onto the old roadbed and rolled over onto its roof. I saw Oscar’s passenger car door open quickly.  He looked back made sure Guy was alright then continued to the house, where he stopped at a pile of wood, grabbed the axe and started splitting wood as fast as he could. It was their family car which did not come too cheap in those days.  I guess he was just frustrated.  The tires were still turning in the air. I don’t think Guy stopped to help him. The car disappeared for a while and the next time I saw it, The body had been all stripped off. Leaving the chassis with the seats dash and windshield, I guess it was the first homemade dune buggy I had ever seen. Oscar would drive all over the ice of the Bay with it. One weekend he took a whole group of us kids ice fishing out to Kill Bear Point.  It sure was a lot of fun.

     Oscars mind remained sharp well into his senior years. He was in his ninety-second or third year when he was coming out of Parry Sound on church street one day. He stopped at the 3 way light at Church and Rosetta St. Years ago it had been a flashing red light and before that, it was just a stop sign. Oscar seeing the red light stopped, couldn’t see anything approaching so he drove on. Unfortunately, an OPP officer saw what happened and stopped Oscar. He asked Oscar if he knew what had happened and Oscar’s response was: I stopped, checked for oncoming traffic and there was none, so I drove on. The officer said would you do that if that happened again. His response was; of course not l would wait till the light changed next time. The officer let him go with a warning

      Winnie had been sick for several years and Oscar was her caregiver. It finally got to a point where it was just too much for him and he finally consented to have her put in a home where she could be better cared for.  She eventually died and Oscar spent a few years on his own. He eventually had a foot problem and was in the hospital waiting for an opening in a Long care facility.  He died like a true mountain man. First, he anticipated that his death was imminent and said his goodbyes to his family. That night he started experiencing chest pains and the nurse called the doctor. I was told he got halfway through one of his stories to one of the nurses when he suddenly passed on.

     We went to his funeral and he is buried under a cedar tree in the Carling Cemetery. I found it appropriate that a mountain boy from the mountains of West Virginia should spend his years in Carling and be buried there under a cedar tree. Not only was he my brother's father in law, but he was a good friend to many of our family and a pioneer who died along the Nobel Road.

     If you cross the road from the Mace’s driveway in my early years, you would have found the home of Stella and Tuck Ryder. They were a very friendly couple.  I don’t remember them having any children. Tuck had an injury to one his arms. I believe he had been shot in a hunting accident and the bullet had traveled through the arm effecting the elbow and the wrist. He had worked in the bush as a young man and loved to tell the old stories. It seemed whenever he had an audience of young kids around he would have another story. Some probably true and some not so much, but we sure did enjoy listening. Stella was a kind person and as I remember was a pretty good cook. I seem to remember them having an old rust-colored pickup truck.

     During the winter of 1943,  the next house heading east on Portage Lake Road on the south side was the home of Harry and Olga Calow. My Aunt and Uncle and their two children, five-year-old Ronnie and two-year-old Betty. It was my first year at school and I was home sick with the flu. I can remember it like it was yesterday, looking out the window and seeing flames coming out of the house. My mother was wading snow halfway up the field heading for the house. I learned later that the two children, my cousins had perished in the fire. The funeral was held at our house. I can still see that little white coffin In the corner of the living room. It was a very hard time for the whole family, especially my aunt and uncle. Somehow they continued on and had two more beautiful daughters Sandra and Nancy. Harry was working at the D.I.L. during the war. After the war, the family moved to Espanola where Harry worked as a welder at the Paper Mill the rest of his working career. I and my family spent many holidays with them and they still have a special spot in our hearts. I always felt that I was especially lucky, it was like having a second mother and father. Harry passed on in 1985, Olga in 1993.

     Continuing on east on Portage Lake Road on the north side was Floyd Godfrey and his wife. Her name escapes me now, I do remember their son’s Dale and Alwyn. Dale was close to my age and Alwyn was a few years older. Dale and I spent many hours playing together. I especially remember one time we found some paint in one of the dumps. We had it hid inside a hollow pine log back of some cedar trees on our property. It seemed that summer about once a week we would dig out the paint and paint something. I remember because I was always a messy painter and every time we got into it. I got some on me or my clothes. Mother would have a fit. I always had some kind of an excuse. She never did find the paint. I imagine that hollow log is long gone back to the soil from over 70 yrs of decay, and there are a couple of rusty paint cans laying in it. Another memory I have, happened up at up at Godfrey’s. They had a fairly long driveway that ran at an angle from the road to the house. One day Dale and I got hold of Alwyn’s bike that was at the back of their house. We were practicing learning to ride. We were taking turns getting on the bike while the other held it, gave it a push, then we would see how far we went before we fell off. It was my turn and I was heading out the driveway. There was a flat rock about ¾ of the way to the road that formed part of the driveway then dropped off at the edge about six feet to a field. I had balanced the bike for about 20’ when I suddenly lost it, turned across the rock and went head over heal down the drop into the field. When we got the bike back up, the handlebars were in line with the crossbar. I think there were probably a few missing spokes too. Dale and I pushed the bike back to the house and leaned it up where we had found it. I never did hear what happened when Alwyn went to use it again. I hope you had a good story Dale. Thanks for the lessons.

      Another memory I have of the Godfrey’s happened a little later. I had climbed a large white pine at the back side of our property. Alwyn was standing on top of a rock behind where Herb Pilgrim’s house was eventually built on the old Art Wright property.   He had a BB gun. I san him aiming at me and the next thing I knew I felt a sharp pain on my chest. The BB did not go in, but left a little red welt. I guess Alwyn must have found out who damaged his bicycle. Lol.

    My final memory concerned a generator. The old wall telephones use to have a crank on them. It allowed you to crank out a number. Now how you did it was controlled by the crank on the phone. It was made with a series of horse shoe shaped magnets. A wire winding on a shaft spun inside the magnets. The shaft was attached to the crank. The process produced electricity which caused the others connected to your line to have their bell ring. If their number was three long rings, then you cranked out three long rings. If it was two short rings and one long ring you cranked out likewise. The idea being if it was not your ring you would not answer it. How ever it got to be the Unacceptable (acceptable) practice to listen in. That was how the people kept track of what was going on in your community. I remember when I first started courting my wife, her grandmother was a sweet old lady. She was quite short and had a little stool to stand on when she used the crank wall phone. The phone would ring and she would hurry over get on her stool and listen in. One day I phoned Rhoda’s aunt for something, She lived next door to Gramma. I could hear Grandma come on the phone, she breathed very loud. She was listening and I just said Hello Grandma. The phone went clank. The extra funny thing was that every once and a while you would hear her say: I HEARD ON THE PHONE THE OTHER DAY THAT SUCH AND SUCH HAD HAPPENED. You knew it was not a message meant for her.

     To get back to the crank phone at the Godfrey’s, They had one that was taken out of its box. Everything else was working. Floyd,  Alwyn and Dale would take turns holding onto two wires connected to the output and see how long the could hold on while the other was cranking. At times their whole body would shake when the electricity came through. Dale was average size until he got to be 15 or 16 and then he just sprouted. I often wondered if the electricity had anything to do with his growing so tall. Lol. Going east from the Godfrey Driveway you would come to what was the original Nobel Road at the top of the hill. It crossed Portage Lake Road the left side (north)  went down and connected to Nobel Road now Hammill Avenue just west of the old Claudney house,  later Collison property. There was a house on the right side just east of where Greg Lubbelinkhof has built. I do not remember the name and it was torn down after the war. The right branch of the old Nobel Road, went down past the McDougall office. In the early years the left side was an open field. I think it was after the war that Herb Pilgrim and his wife built a house in the middle of that field. Their two sons Bob and Harold was a well known fiddle player. Their daughter married Iris married Vaughn McCoubrey and built a house on the north end of the field facing Portage Lake Road.

     The next house was just past the first little hill on the left. It was built about 1946 by Peter Johnston and his wife Dorreen. I remember going back and helping him to cut wood in the lot behind the house. I was only about ten years old. Peter told me a story just a few years before he died. He could remember me helping him and cutting my finger with an axe. He said he couldn’t get over the fact that I would calmly take a band-aid out of my wallet, patch my finger and go on helping him. Peter was a well known trapper in the area and he always had good stories to tell. I remember going to Marsh Lake on the 4 wheeler a few years ago. Peter was on the plus side of 85 yrs. then and I met him on the trail. He had a little spot between Marsh and Wolf Lake where he had a bit of a tree house. He would get his deer almost every year out of that tree house. He had a little roof on it and stove. He would simply put on a pot of tea and wait for the deer to come to him.

     Peter has passed on now and is often spoken of. He was a thoughtful person and trapped that area for over 70 yrs.  He lived to be a year or two past 90, much of the meat he ate was wild game, it certainly did not affect his longevity.  

      Continuing on east the next house was also on the north side during the war, but the occupants escape my memory. It was on top of the next hill past Peter’s. I believe it was abandoned and tore down after the war. The next house was a small cottage owned and lived in by Merle Sly Holtby while Joe was overseas during the war. My memories of visiting this house were of the kindness and the welcome us kids always received from cousin Merle. I have spoken in a previous posting about visits to the next place. Uncle Elmer Sly and Aunt Olive’s farm. I know it is hard for some readers to believe me when I tell of some of the mischief that went on at the Sly farm. My cousin Florence Sly Mortson would lead you to believe that she never got into any mischief with me. I will admit to being a leader in that category, but there are times I was egged on. She just pointed the way.

     As you travel past the Sly farm you came to the road into Portage Lake Cottages. There were two older ladies who owned and ran these cottages.  Louise Holland and Cora Puckett. They were very good to us kids. We had a very large vegetable garden in the 40’s and mother and I would pick the vegetables, wash them and brush them clean. Then bundle them into little bundles or bag them in brown paper bags. I had racks on my wagon and we would load it to the top. Mother would give me a list of the prices and I would haul the wagon load back to the Portage Lake Cottages. I was always made welcome by the two ladies and their guests. I don’t remember ever coming home with any leftover vegetables. Sometimes I would get other things given to me as tips for my efforts.

     Getting back on the Portage Lake Road heading east again there was a long driveway that went in at an angle to the Bert Brookland farm. The house was first and in front of the farm building. This farm was where I first saw a Guinea hen or Guineau fowl. They are interesting as an exotic bird, but have a very loud and annoying call. They have a pecking order within the flock and are quite protective. They really like to wander. At the back of their field was a bridge that crossed Scott’s Creek that drains Nine Mile Lake. That bridge was our favorite place to catch chub and other minnows.  The next driveway east was the Charles and Ena Hammel’s Farm. I remember visiting there often as a kid with the old people. They had a grown family. Gord and Jim Hammel were two of their boys. As was the case in a lot of the old farmhouses, the basement walls were often built leaving a stone, block or poured wall with a dirt floor. I was pretty small but I remember visiting there with my parents the night they finished pouring the basement floor. It was the first time I saw how they use to finish a floor, using a wooden float with a handle on it and a hand trowel. There were no gasoline finishing trowels in those days. It was hard work on your knees with the float and finishing trowel.

     Continuing on down the hill and crossing the bridge over Scott’s creek you came to the road into Alexander Browns’s cottage  and property. I remember him as being more of a reclusive person. I don’t remember ever meeting any of his children, but many years later in 2001. I met a  young lady at an auction sale we were having after my mother passed. I believe she was Alexander’s granddaughter.  We had an old green recliner rocker that had been my father’s favorite. The girl was about 11, I seen her admiring the chair and told her how it had been my father’s favorite chair and that he would have been so happy to know that a young beautiful girl was enjoying it. Her mother reluctantly agreed to let her buy it for $10 to put in their cottage. I have since often thought about how that turned out. I must admit I had a little chuckle from time to time.

     As you passed the Alexander Brown driveway the Portage Lake Road took a sharp turn to the North for approximately a quarter of a mile running along open fields then turned due west into the Henry and Mable Scott farm. We also visited this farm many time over my younger years. Henry’s family had pretty well all grown up and were on their own too, but I do remember Jim who was just finishing up school when I started and Ken who was a mechanic at Uncle Sarnie’s garage and also one of his bus drivers for years. Ken was married to Rita. I chummed with Allan in grade school and I think his younger sisters name was Sharron. The buses I remember Ken driving were the old homemade ones. Many a time one of us would displease the drive with something we said or did. We would be ordered off the bus to walk the 2 plus miles to home. The worse thing was for our parents to find out, then we would probably end up with a licking too. Sometimes Uncle Sarnie would drive the bus although he usually drove the north bus that brought the kids down from Shebishekong Lake way. Ivan Hunt also drove part of the time. It was easy to get back on the bus at a later date, we just had to do a hat in the hand apology and we better sound like we meant it too. The other thing I remember is we had very few snow days in those years.  The bus always seemed to get through.  

     I hope by reading these writings it has helped to stimulate some of your own. I also hope you treasure and appreciate yours as I do mine.  Great memories, great people.  Garry                                        

[woodworkingpastor]

The Struggle for Humility Genesis 39:1-23 September 23, 2018

Call to Worship        based on Philippians 2:5-8 and Hebrews 12:1-2

We are called to be followers and imitators of Jesus, letting the same mind be in us that was in Him.  

Jesus did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross.

Humility cuts against the grain of our human nature. We are in need of Jesus’ help and the support of one another to walk this path.  Yet it is our path to walk.

We pray for strength to lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, so that we may run with perseverance the race that is set before us. We look to Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

Our call to worship reminded us that humility was one of the key characteristics of Jesus’ life, a life we are called to imitate. In a world that is focused on self-promotion, where do we go to learn humility?

Joseph’s experience in Potiphar’s house gives us a lens through which to view humility.  As we go along, it will be important to remember to remember that the events in Genesis 39 are only one small glimpse—maybe a few months?—into Joseph’s life. They tell an important part of the story, but they are not the whole story. Joseph’s life is given to us in three episodes:

We first meet him in Genesis 37 where Joseph is an arrogant young man who knows he is his father’s favorite son—and this in a family that has played favorites for several generations! Joseph brags about being lord over his brothers as he shows off his “coat of many colors.��  The story ends with Joseph being sold into slavery in Egypt.

In the third episode we see Joseph after he has risen to power in Egypt, and it ultimately resolves the story of his life. Joseph is reunited with his family after a famine forces them to come to Egypt for food; when we might expect him to seek revenge against his brothers, he instead forgives them and invites them to live in Egypt.

But it’s the middle episode that is our focus for today; a story where we learn of Joseph’s success and trouble in Potiphar’s house.  After landing in Egypt, Joseph is bought by Potiphar to serve as a household servant. Potiphar quickly notices that Joseph is a hard worker, conscientious about his tasks, and that things seem to run better when he is in charge. It’s not long before Potiphar decides that his own life will be easier if Joseph is in charge of everything, so that’s how things come to be. But we know something that neither Potiphar nor Joseph know at this point: Joseph’s success is from God. “The Lord was with Joseph.”

But then we meet Potiphar’s wife, and things start to go badly for Joseph.  It is interesting to note in this #metoo era where stories of sexual misconduct are coming to light and—hopefully—perpetrators will be held to account, that this Scripture presents us with a story where a woman is the sexual aggressor and a man is the innocent victim.  Potiphar’s wife begins making unwanted sexual advances toward Joseph, and he consistently refuses her advances.  The Scripture even hints that he might have gone to some lengths to avoid being around her.

It was inevitable, though, that Potiphar’s wife would eventually corner Joseph into a circumstance he could not escape. Holding all the power (and Joseph’s garment) in this story, she can spin her version of events however she wishes.  Joseph had integrity, but no power, and he ends up in prison, falsely accused of a crime.

What is fascinating to me in all of this is the part of the story that we aren’t told, the transformation that happened to him in during the in-between time, when he was in the caravan as a slave on his way to Egypt. Something changes in Joseph.  He was once a young man who bragged that he would one day lord power over his brothers, something that in Joseph’s day was offensive beyond our comprehension. But by the time he gets to Potiphar’s house he has become a young man concerned that he neither offend Potiphar nor God.

In the long, humiliating silent times as a prisoner in the caravan to Egypt, Joseph found the integrity that enabled him to say “no” to Potiphar’s wife’s abuse of power, and he was willing to pay the price for that.  However difficult those days in the slave caravan were, something good and necessary and Godly happened to his soul. At the risk of over-interpreting this story, Joseph seems to have learned that being so arrogant to think we can compromise our integrity for momentary pleasure without damaging our soul is a dangerous act indeed. It puts us on a course where we might become that thing we once despised, justifying things we once opposed.

Even though Joseph didn’t do anything to his brothers that deserved being sold into slavery, his own arrogance was a significant part of the problem. But something about the humility of being completely powerless shaped Joseph’s soul in a way that was useful to God and to his family later in his life.  

We might wonder if the forced silence of the slave caravan gave him the chance to reflect on his own pride and arrogance, and how it impacted those around him.  

We might wonder if being separated from his father broke his heart in such a way that made him realize how much pain he had inflicted on someone he loved very much.

We might wonder if being removed from the stories of his faith caused him to cry out to the God who had promised to do wonderful things to all the world through his family line. What would become of Joseph?

While Joseph was on his way to Egypt, he had no way of knowing the answer to any of these things. But he chose to learn from his past mistakes and find a new way of relating to those around him.

In the humiliating silence of slavery, Joseph found that humility could be a powerful part of a new core identity.  It would take many years for Joseph to understand the true value of this transformation, but it would eventually bear fruit.

Joseph’s transformation begs a question: What practices do we have in our lives that cultivate humility in us?  It isn’t always a prison.

A significant part of the transformation in my life happened around a table somewhat like this one.  It’s a story that is nothing in common with Joseph’s, but one that I’d like to think has the potential for cultivating humility in my own life. Growing up, my extended family—grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins—met for family meals at my grandparent’s home.  When I was very young, all of the major holidays—Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day—were celebrated around my grandparent’s dining room table.

When it came to creating a family dinner, Nannie was a craftsman as talented as any great musician, or painter, or furniture builder around.  She took great pleasure in setting a beautiful table, with the good table cloth, china place settings, cloth napkins, and silverware.  She would cook for hours: ham, turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans.  There would be apple pies and pumpkin pies for dessert.  All of this would be set up on the counter in the kitchen.  We’d go through the line, get our food, sit down, and before we’d hardly begun eating what we’d put on the plate the first time, she would start bringing things in from the kitchen to pass around for second helpings.  

But the most important item served at these meals—the one our family still talks about—was her stuffing.  Nannie adapted this recipe from one that her mother made, which means that this recipe is probably 75 years old, at least.  The story is told that Nannie’s brother Bruce used to come to family dinners and would only eat stuffing. Even though his place had been set, Nannie would just give him a bowl for stuffing and gravy.

This is probably the third or fourth story I’ve told you about my grandparents; you’ve probably figured out that my family played an incredibly important role in my life; I am who I am in large part because of their influence in my life.  I make this stuffing about once per year in large part because I miss them, and it’s a way that I can remember people who are very important to me.

But there is something else about this story that is important, though.  In fact, it’s more important.  What was on the table mattered because of the ones who set the table invited me to have a seat at the table. The traditions we have are important, but we don’t want to miss what the traditions point to.  I was shaped in significant ways by the conversations that happened at the tables, the way I was allowed to participate in the conversation around the table, even the way I was treated when I misbehaved at the table. As time went on, room was made for new faces at the table.  One of the things I learned at the table concerns some of those stories I’ve already told you about my grandparents—about how they made room at the table for some family members who had been estranged, and by extending the table down the road to a family member whose mental illness kept her from joining us. There is a humility both in swallowing your pride and extending forgiveness, and in going the extra mile to help someone who needs a bit extra care.

We have our own table at Oak Grove where we take time away from the routine to be together in the quiet so that we might cultivate humility in our lives.  Love Feast is that table.

Love Feast has a lot of traditions that make it what it is. We start in silence in the sanctuary then move in silence to the Fellowship Hall—the only times of the year when we’re quiet in the hallway! Kneeling to wash one another’s feet; the familiar smells of our meal, the texture and taste of the bread and cup. The faces of those who are gathered around the table, and the memory of the ones no longer present at the table. All of these traditions make important contributions to our evening together.

There is certainly a discomfort in Love Feast, especially in footwashing. We don’t normally touch one another’s feet, and maybe for some the handshake and hug and expression of love and affirmation pushes us beyond our comfort zone.  We can accommodate that to a certain degree.  We make handwashing available, in part because it is a bit more contemporary, and also because some cannot physically kneel.  

But in avoiding that discomfort of footwashing, we miss the opportunity to learn humility. It takes a certain humility to come to footwashing, knowing that you might up sitting next to, or across from, someone you’re angry with.  It takes a certain humility to come to footwashing when you know your own sin, and hope that no one else does. It takes a certain humility to come to footwashing to receive forgiveness, and leave church and head home assured of your forgiveness.  

We should never lose sight of the fact that Jesus knew that Judas had already made arrangements to betray Jesus.  The plan was already being enacted when Jesus washed Judas’ feet, and offered him the bread and cup.  

We should never lose sight of the fact that Jesus knew that Peter would betray him; and that all the disciples would flee.  

We should never lose sight of the fact that Jesus knew that the disciples disagreed on politics, and how to approach the problems of the day.  But they were all welcome at the table.

All are welcome at the table.  These traditions point to the grace given by the one who invites us, as well as the grace that transforms us.

Many of you are committed to our Love Feast because of the rich tradition, and I hope you’ll be here again this year to continue your own practice of humility and transformation.  Others of you haven’t been in a while, or maybe have never come. I hope you’ll come this year and grab on to as much as you can, so that we might cultivate humility together.

[awesomefoggymind-blog]

A bit of history

!Hello 

My name is Mon, I’m 45 yrs old and I've been recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia but we will get there later. English is not my first language so i apologise for any mistakes.

I just want to tell you about myself a bit so you’ll understand why I am who I am. 

I’ve been born in Poland, my parents divorced when i was small child, i have 4 years younger brother, my mother was very abusive woman, I’ve been beaten every time me or my brother did anything wrong. My father died when i was 9 and my beloved mum told me that she never wanted me and I ruined her life. When I was 13 I was cleaning, cooking and taking care of my brother, my mum got pregnant again and soon there was another unwanted boy on this world. I take care of him too, he was calling me “mum” for a while. 

When i was 15 i went for a trip with  friend I met over the summer and I’ve been kidnapped and rape several times by 3 men, they make me drink vodka and I heard them planning to kill me next day. I don’t know how (I don’t remember) but i manage to escape and i run straight into Police station, beaten up, in tears and horrible condition i told the officer what happened and because he smell alcohol from me he told me to come back when I’m sober. Can you imagine? I run away and got home, I didn’t tell my mother, 30 years later those pictures  are still so clear in my head.

At 16 I had boyfriend and nightmares came back, he was abusive and controlling. Beating me every time he was angry or unhappy, I was this first buffer between him and the world. He told me that I can’t left cos he’ll find and kill me and I believed him. Soon I got pregnant and my mother was furious, she gave me only one option....abortion but i couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t so she kick me out cos I was shame to family. I left school, I found a job and room to rent and i tried to be an adult still dealing with my lovely boyfriend, he broke my nose last time when i was 6 months pregnant but lucky for me he have had enough of me and he ditched me. A month later i was trying to kill myself for the first time, I went on the busy road and stepped in front of a car but I did it to quick and car stopped just in front of me without hurting me or my baby. I went back home to my mother and she let me in cos I had job and money so i wasn’t a burden. Soon I give a birth to a beautiful girl and few months after that i was finally 18 years old. 

Few months later i started dating my best friend and first crush and we have been so happy together for 4 years, we’ve been planning a little wedding and month before wedding he slept with my best friend, keep in mind she was his best friend’s wife. He ruined our and theirs life. My world was crushing again and i tried to kill myself again with pills but i didn’t took enough. I survived but i was dead inside. I treated men like a toys just for fun, drugs, sex and money until i met this one special guy. I had hope again that maybe i deserve normal life, I couldn't be more wrong. Straight after wedding he started drinking much more. He was an alcoholic and he abused me verbally and mentally but I want FAMILY so bad so i was like “that's just words, I’ve survived worse, I can do it”. I gave a birth to another lovely girl and i was doing everything to keep our little family together. 

12 years ago we moved to UK and he had more money for his alcohol, parties and women. I was still so stupid and blind until he hurt our daughter, he threw her on the wall. We run away to the refuge, Womens Aid helped us, we get the house and started new life. It was very hard. I was already on so many medications for high blood pressure and depression but i manage to find a new job and i was working so hard to prove that I’m not useless. I was in pain most of the time but i was ignoring it. And then I had accident at work, I lifted very heavy box and something clicked in my back but I didn't tell anyone, I was trying ignore the problem for few days but pain was overwhelming and I ended in the hospital, diagnosis: slipped disc, two months off of work and Tramadol. From there things started going down. I’ve been diagnosed with under-active thyroid then diabetes type 2 and finally January this year i found out I have this invisible illness called Fibromyalgia just to add to my chronic back pain, restless legs syndrome and so many other problems like IBS and insomnia. My depression and anxiety never been so bad. My youngest is 19 now and she have mental health problems because of what she have been thru. She still needs me but now I need her too. I’ve been off of work for a year, came back to work for 5 months trying deal with this pain but I couldn’t do it. I really tried cos my daughter can’t find job and living with just my SSP is impossible. I’m struggling financially real bad. I can’t put heating on cos in my house everything is electric and i simply can’t afford it, keep in mind cold make my condition much worse. We are eating toasts and fried potatoes most of the time but I’m not complaining. I know there are people that don’t have house or food at all. Now I might loose my home because I have debts and can’t keep up with my rent or Council Tax. But that is not my point. I’m still trying to fight depression as I have more and more suicidal thoughts. I’m person that keeps everything inside and that is what really dragging me down, I can’t express my fillings, fears. frustration or anger. So I started this blog to help myself with that. 

I’m hoping to write about my everyday life and struggles cos that apparently can help with my depression and maybe there is someone else struggling with this invisible illness or not, that wants to read it. 

This is my little sad story.

[the-jade-goblin]

Commander Shepard Question Meme

Since this is a long post, most of it is under the cut. 

I’m tagging @vorchagirl, @kadarakings, @gharrus, @masseffectish and @femsheparding 

 1.       Introduce your Shepard. How do they look? What do they think about themselves? What kind of person is your Shepard, what are their ambitions and goals? Are they Renegade or Paragon?

 My Shepard is Danica Shepard. She has shoulder-length bright orange hair and dark green eyes. She wears black lipstick and black eyeshadow, and has a scar from her left temple down her face to her right cheek.

 Dani thinks of herself mostly, as a protector.  She’s always determined to take care of her crew and look after her friends. Dani has never lost a single soldier under her command until Virmire, and since then she’s felt like a failure, vowing to get better and stronger so she wouldn’t lose anyone again.

 Dani has never been very ambitious. She’s never cared about getting medals or promotions or whatever. Her only goals are to get stronger and do her job as well as she can. In the beginning, she’s the picture of a perfect Paragon, when she is rebuilt by Cerberus a lot of her care cup becomes empty and she has a shorter temper; she’s more of a Paragade. And in 3 she literally has zero fucks to give anymore to the people who get in her way, but she’s still a Paragon to those in need and will try to make peace where she can.

 2.       Tell us about your Shepard’s family background - parents, siblings? How was their relationship with them? Are any of them alive? Are they still in contact with them? Were they a Spacer, a Colonist or Earthborn?

 Dani was Earthborn, which has made her tough and unlikely to show weakness. She never knew her family, but after ME3 a woman claiming to be her mother gets in contact with her, and there she meets a half-sister and step-father she never knew she had. At first she had trouble getting along with her mother, the woman who had abandoned her, but over time Dani forgave her and she gets along very well with her family members, especially her little sister Ellie.

 3.       What is your Shepard’s psychological profile? War Hero? Sole Survivor? Ruthless? How do they feel about this past?

 Dani is a War Hero, but she feels burdened from that past. She is so compelled to save people that she earned her reputation, and whenever she loses a team mate in battle it’s a significant blow to the role she feels she’s supposed to play.

4.       Is there an event from your Shepard’s past (before they joined the Alliance) that they regret? What is it?

 Dani’s entire childhood could classify as that I suppose, but specifically there is one memory that Dani has never looked on with anything but deep guilt and regret. Dani joined a merc band when she was young, around 12, as a drug mule, and when she was older the leader of the gang had her dance at his nightclub when she wasn’t running smuggling missions for him. Dani met another young girl down on her luck that had joined the band as a dancer at that nightclub, but Dani discovered the young girl was being horribly abused by the gang leader, one night she saw her getting dragged into his room kicking and screaming. She walked away, afraid, and never spoke of it. The girl was dead the next day, and Dani forever regrets not trying to save her.

 5.       Is there an event from your Shepard’s past (before they joined the Alliance) that they look fondly on? What is it?

 The moment in Dani’s life that triggered her desire to help people has always been a fond memory for her. It was no big deal really; a little boy was getting bullied by these bigger kids and they were throwing around this stuffed bear the kid was trying to get back and taunting him for sleeping with a toy at his age. Dani sucker-punched the biggest boy and told him to pick on someone his own size, and of course he went home crying. The little kid looked so happy when Dani gave him his bear back, he hugged her and started crying as he thanked her. And Dani decided that she wanted to keep helping people and see those smiles on other’s faces.

 6.       How is your Shepard with weapons and technology? Can they handle the new challenges or are they dependent on help? Do they fight primarily with guns or do they have biotics? Tech skills?

 Dani has always prided herself on being top in her field of literally any field she attempts. Every challenge is a new obstacle for her to jump, every new weapon and piece of tech is hers to conquer to be that much better than before. Dani’s a lone wolf and has always been that way, but she can work surprisingly well with a group in combat too (especially if it’s Garrus watching her six). She’s a soldier and only ever used heavy guns and pistols until Cerberus gave her biotic implants. She never developed her biotics until the end of ME2 with the help of Jack, Samara and Miranda, and uses them fully with her weapons in ME3. She’s hopeless at tech skills though, that’s all up to Tali when it needs to be done.

 7.       What is their usual setup? What armor and weapons do they usually carry into a fight?

 Dani favours the M-76 Revenant as her usual gun, the M-98 Widow for her sniper, and the M-9 Tempest for her backup gun. Dani wears purple and blue N7 armour manufactured from Hahne-Kedar.

 8.       Does your Shepard have any tattoos or piercings? If so, what are they and why did they get them?

 Growing up Dani had a lip and nose piercing, but she took them out when joined the Alliance. On a trip Omega she and Joker get a Normandy tattoo, Dani on her hip, Joker on his chest. During the Reaper war, she puts back on her nose piercing, gets an N7 tattoo on her back to match James’, and she and Kaidan get the Alliance symbol tattooed on their shoulders.

 9.       Time for Favorites: Song? Color? Food? Ice Cream? Scent? Movie? Book? Is there a specific drink they like to have? Is there a type of comfort food they like?

 Song? Hold Me Down by Halsey. It’s an old Earth song but Dani loves Halsey’s voice and the melody of the song, it’s a very calming song for her and she always plays it when she’s upset.

Colour? Purple. Her N7 armour is purple and most of her civilian clothes are too. But she’s quite partial to Vakarian blue as well.

Food? Mashed potatoes. Simple, tastes good, and easy to make.

Ice-cream? Sweet potato ice-cream. Kasumi introduced it to her when they went on a trip to Japan together and she’s loved it ever since.

Scent? Whatever it is that Garrus smells like all the time. Maybe it’s the metallic smell of the ship. Movie? Zootopia. Dani adores the old vid, she says she feels like Judy is her and Garrus is Nick. They both love watching it together.

Book? Dani has never gotten her hands on a real book, but Kasumi has a beautiful collection and one of her favourites from that collection is The Catcher in the Rye. It’s such an old book but it’s so good.  

Drink? Dani loves to drink hot water and honey, sometimes with a bit of lemon. It was one of the only drinks she could get when she was growing up on the streets of New York.

 10.   How do they feel about being in command of the Normandy? About their SPECTRE status?

 Dani was slightly nervous about her command of the Normandy; she hadn’t been in a position of command since the Skyllian Blitz, she’d always served under Anderson after that so having her own command again was a bit nerve wracking at first. Dani was honoured upon being appointed a Spectre, and as the months rolled by she began to almost take it for granted. She’d roll her eyes and mutter ‘I’m a Spectre I can do what I like’ under her breath when someone was being difficult and wouldn’t help her, but she never abused her power.

 11.   Any skills outside of fighting that your Shepard has: Do they know how to cook? Do they have any hobbies that they like to do? Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

 Shepard has the unique ability to pole dance, from her gang days as a teenager. She can play and win any gambling game you’ll find in a casino. She loves to sketch and to paint, and sing when no one’s around. She collects crystals as well as her model ships, her favourite crystals are the ones collected from Tali’s homeworld, they glow vibrant colours in the dark.

 12.   What are your Shepard’s fears? Are they afraid of anything in particular?

 Dani has a profound fear of spiders. And bees, since she’s allergic, but working in space you don’t run into bees very often.

 13.   Does your Shepard have a home away from the Normandy? If so, where is it and how do they keep it? If not, then what does your Shepard do to make their cabin feel more homely?

 Dani has no home, only the Normandy.  After the war she makes herself a home; or rather two. She and Garrus buy a beautiful cottage by a lake in southern Canada, and a penthouse in Palavan’s capital city.

Before that however, she makes her cabin her own by displaying her model ships everywhere, and putting up many photos of her crew throughout the years, as well decorating her fish tank with exciting fish and plants.

 14.   Squad: Who is your Shepard’s best friend? Do they like to do anything specific together?

 Apart from Garrus, Shepard has always been closest to Liara and Tali. The three of them were part of the original team on the Normandy SR-1 so she holds them very dear to her heart. Liara and Dani on the SR-1 would spend hours talking about the Protheans, she and Tali would go shopping for cheap salvage and create new things out of the pieces, and she and Garrus always love to have shooting competitions in their spare time.

 15.   Squad: Who does your Shepard like the least? Why?

 Dani doesn’t particularly dislike any of her crew; if she disliked them they wouldn’t be part of her crew. Having said that, there are squad members Dani isn’t as close to as others. On the SR-1, though she was fond of Ash, Dani disagreed with her anti-alien views and couldn’t relate to her Alliance family history. On the SR-2 Dani never warmed up to Jacob very much, which is surprising since Miranda’s the more untrustworthy one of the two Cerberus agents. There’s no particular reason, Dani was just much closer to others in her team.

 16.   Squad: Who is your Shepard’s go to squad for missions? Why do they choose that particular squad?

 On the SR-1 it was always about who was best suited for each mission, aboard the SR-2 Dani stuck with the crew she knew and trusted. Garrus and Tali are her go-to team, and Garrus and Liara in ME3. She trusts these three with her life and wouldn’t want any other having her back in battle. For certain missions she’ll bring along other team members if they ask or if she thinks they’re better suited for it.

 17.   Romance: Are they romantically involved with anyone? If yes, what is their relationship like?

 Dani and Kaidan used to be an item; their relationship was on the outside one of those ‘perfect’ ones you see in vids, on the inside Dani was always trying hard to be the woman Kaidan thought she was; perfect, military, uncomplicated. After Horizon Dani couldn’t think of Kaidan like that anymore, and eventually found her happiness in Garrus.

With Garrus, Dani can be herself; a sarcastic and sassy rogue that is sometimes ruthless and breaks the rules if need be. She’s more emotional with Garrus and she smiles a lot more. She and Garrus have a strong relationship, best friends as well as lovers who would do anything for each other.

 18.   Romance: If Shepard and their partner could spend a romantic moment together, what would it be like?

 Shooting competition on the Presidium. One of Dani’s favourite ways to spend time with Garrus. Dani also loves watching old Earth vids with Garrus on the Normandy. After they’re married, Garrus loves to paint the Vakarian markings on Dani’s face, and Dani loves to return the gesture. The two also love cooking together, Dani loves to try out new turian foods to cook for her turian, and Garrus likes to make cupcakes for Dani when she’s feeling upset.

 19.   What is your Shepard’s favorite place to go in the galaxy? Why?

 Dani loves many places in the galaxy. She loves visiting Tuchunka to see Wrex, and spending time with Liara on Illium. Dani loves going to Palaven and partying on Omega. She adores the Citadel the most though, it’s one of the only places in the galaxy that she feels at home, it’s a familiar save haven to go to for her.  

 20.   What is your Shepard’s least favorite place to go in the galaxy? Why?

 Ugh, Noveria. Dani can’t stand the cold and that planet is frozen to the core. She also hates Haestrom and Earth, believe it or not, she feels more at home in space.

 21.   What is your Shepard’s relationship to the Council? To Udina? To Anderson? Do they deal with authority well or do they struggle against them?

 Dani at first respects the Council, but quickly gets fed up with their bullshit. She stays on their good side and does as she’s told by them, but after they’re done talking she usually just rolls her eyes and ignores their orders. Or she just hangs up on them.

She can’t stand Udina. At all. That goes for most politicians, but Udina is just insufferable.

Anderson is like a father to Dani; when she joined the Alliance he became her mentor and she went to him with almost everything as she grew up.

Dani can play by the rules of authority, she respects those in power but she’s never afraid to speak up when she disagrees with their policies.

 22.   What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

 She admires honesty, integrity, kindness and determination. Alliance types, but not those that follow orders blindly. She picks her crew with care, as every member of her team exhibits at least one of these traits.

Dani wishes she had the talent that Garrus does with a sniper (but she’ll NEVER admit that to the turian himself)  

 23.   What is your Shepard’s biggest pet peeve?

 People reading over her shoulder. And people judging her alien crew on that fact that they’re non-human alone.

 24.   How does your Shepard deal with their enemies? Do they resort to violence or do they try to be diplomatic?

 Dani always tries to resolve conflict peacefully. If an enemy can be talked down she will do it, but if they can’t be reasoned with than her priority is taking them down quickly. If an enemy threatens any of her teammates, without question she will shoot them down before they can finish their sentence. No one threatens her friends.  

 25.   How does your Shepard deal with death? Not just the deaths of civilians, but of friends (such as Mordin or Thane).

 Dani is used to death; she saw a lot of it in her childhood and she learned to not be affected by it. People die, and that’s just how it is. When she gets her own command however, her attitude changes. When she loses a teammate, she considers it a personal failure. A loss, but nothing to cry personally over, just another mistake. Loss of civilians is tragic, but it doesn’t keep her up at night, it’s just another failure of her position. Through her command of the Normandy, her outlook changes, and each death of innocents wrenches at her empathy, but she vows to get better to save more lives.

 Death of her friends troubles her deeply. Living her whole life alone, fending for herself, she learnt young that the weak die and the strong survive, depend on only yourself, and trust no one. But after taking command of the Normandy, she makes life-long friends, she lets people in and finds a family, people she loves and who love her. Their deaths affect her greatly. She views them as a personal failure to protect those she cares about, and their loss puts a hole in her heart.

 26.   What was your Shepard’s first reaction to seeing a Reaper?

 Dani was struck cold, not only by the sight of a Reaper, but of its voice. When she first heard Sovereign speak she’d never felt so afraid in her life. Dani’s not frightened by many things, but the cold, calculating Reapers chill her to the bone.

 27.   What does your Shepard think about Cerberus? What do they think about the mercenaries that they run into on a regular basis? Is there a specific one they dislike the most? Why?

 In a way, she understands Cerberus’ goal, but she would never agree with the means. As for the mercenaries well, she doesn’t have any opinion other than they make good target practise. The Blue Suns are a particular annoyance because turians are tough sons of bitches, and the Blood Pack often employ krogan and vorcha mercenaries which is irritating as those guys heal very fast and are a nuisance to take down.

 28.   What ending did your Shepard choose? Destroy, Synthesis or Control? Why did they choose this?

 Destroy.  Synthesis may sound ideal, but Dani could never force the entire galaxy to merge with synthetics without permission. She chose Destroy because she knew the only way to keep the galaxy safe was to destroy the Reapers, if she controlled them she too could one day bring them back, and she wouldn’t risk that fate. She didn’t believe the Catalyst when it said the Geth and the Mass Relays would also be destroyed, because even though they were synthetics, they were all different life forms, and she was correct.

 29.   Is there a song that describes your Shepard? If yes, why did you choose that song? Does your Shepard have a playlist?

 It’s My Life by Bon Jovi. I think it fits Dani pretty well since the beginning of her life she’s been forging her own path and choosing the way she lives her life, no matter what anyone tries to do to control her; Alliance, Council or family.

Dani’s playlist would consist of heavy rock or metal songs, preferably in languages she doesn’t understand, or from other species with her translator turned off, so she can focus on the beat. Heavy songs like that help her get through work and battle – yes, she listens to metal while she fights.  

 30.   Share your favorite piece of art or your favorite screenshot of your Shepard. What about it makes it your favorite?

 Sadly I don’t have either