#all in all this was a highly unproductive day but I really enjoyed that movie

[modestcatholiclife]

Mid-Lent Reflections

So I'm hoping that today's post will be a little bit different. I've been thinking a lot about this blog and I realised that I've been treating it like an obligation rather than a voluntary personal project.

Since I began converting to Catholicism, things have become rather complication for me. I'm changing as a person and feel very disconnected from my friends, who are all secular, as a result. Additionally, I haven't had a great deal of success in making Catholic friends just yet so I honestly feel quite lonely. During these times, I'm so grateful to God for my lovely fiance who has been the pinnacle of support during this struggle. So this blog gives me an opportunity to talk about those things that I'd like to talk about with friends and potentially connect with people online.

I'd like to try and be a bit more personal and engaging with these posts but I believe that is something I'll find with time. For now, I'll share what I can with you.

Well, right now I'm sick. Nothing serious, I just have a stuffy nose and am very fatigued. I've had to cancel some appointments and interviews and haven't been very productive these past couple of days as a result, which is completely understandable. What's less understandable, though, is that I've honestly been really letting myself down with my Lenten fasts. I haven't been consistent with them at all and the only one I can say that I haven't broken is my fast from meat. I've been on social media almost non-stop and it's been awful. I usually have a block on my phone that keeps me out of most apps from 8pm-9am but I haven't been using it lately. I've been so unproductive for weeks now and have done little to no cleaning around the apartment. It's getting pretty bad here and I'm disappointed in myself. I was hoping to get back onto things this week but of course, now I'm sick. My prayer life has been almost nonexistent. I'm not going to continue, it's not helpful for me to engage in excessive negative self-talk and I should be directing my focus towards improvement, not despondency.

On a more positive note, my early childcare traineeship interviews went incredibly well! So well, in fact, that I was offered the traineeship on the spot during my first interview! I have the contract with me, that I will be signing and returning tomorrow (assuming I'm not still sick) and I'll be starting the job two weeks from today! I've already handed in my letter of resignation to my current job and am looking forward to this new chapter of my life.

I also went to Great Vespers on Saturday night with my lovely fiance. We've just passed the Veneration of the Holy Cross so I have included photos of the Cross from St. Andrew's after Great Vespers on Saturday and St. Volodymyr's after Divine Liturgy on Sunday. This was only my second time attending Great Vespers. I sat near the choir and did my best to participate. Hopefully if I work hard enough, I might be able to join the choir one day.

Lastly, yesterday I spent the day resting and watching movies and anime with my fiance. We watched the first episode of part six of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. So far, I'm not loving it. This is the first part with a female main character and it shows. I don't appreciate how overly sexualised Jolyne is immediately. I'll keep watching it at some point but right now, I'm not super interested. I just watched Chicago for the first time and watching another piece of media about women in prison (even if they aren't there for long) is not capturing my interest. My fiance showed me an episode of an old anime he used to like so I showed him an episode of Ouran High School Host Club, which I watched back in year 7, and he liked it so much we watched a second episode! We also watched Mad Max: Fury Road together. Later on, we watched Josie and the Pussycats, which he highly enjoyed and I would highly recommend.

[starmocha]

I BEG YOUR PARDON THIS IS SO CUTE!!! Thank you for the tag @rose-tinted-kalopsia 💖💖💖💖💖

My name's Xíu~ 💖 but you can also use my handle, starmocha or Star, I don't mind whichever 🥹

☆彡 how do you spend your free time?

UNPRODUCTIVELY LMAO but I do get stressed about having limited free time and wanting to do as much as possible and then worried I won't do anything and have wasted precious time :')

☆彡 what are your hobbies and how did you get into them?

Writing~ I've always loved creating stories as a child and I guess once I learned how to write, I was fortunate enough to have teachers from elementary school all the way to college who encouraged that interest. I have no inclination or ambition to ever pursue it professionally. I just like writing for me. <333

I also like video games, reading, movies...basically anything that can let me escape from reality lol 🥹🥹🥹

☆彡 what book or movie left a lasting impression on you?

For a book, it's The Giver by Lois Lowry. I first read it when I was about 11 or 12. I found it on my sixth grade's teacher bookshelf and I don't remember why I was drawn to the book, but I know I've read it more than anything else. It took me a few years to finally obtain a copy only for someone to stole it out of my school bag and I was pissed. After like over a decade, I actually just recently bought a new copy after so long, and it comes with other books in this "series". The reason I like it is because as a child I found the protagonist relatable, but I couldn't understand why until one day when I was 16 while I was in a counseling session with a priest where I grew so emotional and angry about my family, he pointed out I was an empath and how I was able to feel emotions stronger than others, but it also meant I was able to feel compassion more easily than others. There is a similar scene in the book where the protagonist also experiences intense emotions only to be calmed down by his mentor.

For a movie, The Fall, starring Lee Pace. It is sooo underrated, which is such a travesty! Lee Pace is my favorite actor and this is one of his best roles ever. The movie has gorgeous scenery and costumes as well.

In the film, he stars as a stunt actor who was recently injured and is now facing the possibility of giving up his career that he loves. As he recovers in a hospital, a little girl befriends him. The film interweaves storytelling, so you have this beautiful fantasy subplot as the main character creates a story for the girl. It is whimsical, romantic, and adventurous. Near the end, though, he starts having a breakdown and in one of the most heartbreaking scenes ever, he starts killing off the characters in his story. The little girl asks him tearfully why he's killing everyone, and he answers her spitefully that, "It's my story."

Only for the little girl to tearfully answer him: "Mine, too." </3333

I also want to give a mention to Train to Busan. It easily ties with The Fall as my favorite films. Gong Yoo is so amazing in this. You think you're getting a thrilling zombie survival movie, but by the end you are devastated and emotionally ruined by it. It is soooo good. I highly recommend both films.

☆彡 what kind of music do you enjoy?

Nearly everything really lol Sometimes it's K-Pop, EDM, indie, classical, R&B, Europop...just whatever mood I happen to be in. :)))

☆彡 who is your favorite character (atm or all time) and why?

... Sylus (Love and Deepspace). 🥹 I'll be honest. I knew I was going to like his character...I just did not expect it to be to this degree lol He is just a very well-developed character. A lot of his opinions on life and people are very deep and insightful, which you wouldn't expect often from fictional characters. I also like his sense of humor, his mannerism, and odd habits (seriously, what is with his crow obsession - devs, give me the lores now). And with his recent myth release, I am absolutely destroyed by his story. I'm still trying to piece my heart back together. ily my silly soft dragon <333

No pressure, but tagging @lavlynyan @irandial @yourlocalcatscammer @nerdyladyrebel @an-ever-angry-bi + anyone who wants to join 💖💖💖💖💖

tag + q&a game ₊˚ෆ

hello! i thought it would be cute and exciting to do a tag game with all my mutuals to not only talk about themselves, but have fun! so here is my short little game:

alongside this picrew, share 5 things about yourself!

• how do you spend your free time? • what are your hobbies and how did you get into them? • what book or movie left a lasting impression on you? • what kind of music do you enjoy? • who is your favorite character (atm or all time) and why?

i will start first!

my name is rurumi and i enjoy spending my free time writing!

some of my hobbies (outside of writing) includes: drawing, building gundams and keyboards, and fashion! i got into most of them on a whim and became instantly hooked. aside from self-expression, being into fashion also helps with making friends in college because you always have something to talk about!

a book that left a lasting impression on me would have to be either kafka on the shore by haruki murakami or before the coffee gets cold by toshikazu kawaguchi. both stories have kept me up at night thinking a lot about the 'what ifs' in life.

i enjoy soul/r&b alongside anything of jrock influence, but i will basically listen to anything that sounds good. i am currently listening to 'so what' by lucy!

my favorite character at the moment is rin itoshi from blue lock because hes so ridiculously edgy, but at the same time i sympathize with him a lot. on the other hand, my favorite character of all time is suletta mecury from the witch from mercury series, she's an absolute ball of sunshine that i aspire to be.

tagging (+ no pressure) ₊˚ෆ

@kaiser1ns @naenaex0xx @shomatoriashi @choccorin @ryescapades

@rindreamery @soleillunne @kissxcore @rainswept @mitsvriii

[roamingholiday]

Monday, August 14th 2017

I spent the hours between midnight and three trying to pack everything that I brought to live on for ten months away from home and also everything that I’d managed to collect over six weeks of living in London which included, but was not limited to, eight fairly large books, several new shirts, a pride sash, a very small toy minion that was once the top of a kid’s movie snack cup, and more baking supplies than most people would deem necessary for a six week stint in a foreign country. It was hardly adequate.

I then sent a message to my mother that said something along the lines of I am setting an alarm for eight in the morning, but if I don’t have a message from you telling me to be out of the door by eight thirty, I am going back to bed and resetting the alarm for ten.

I sent that, and then went to sleep.

At eight, I woke up to a message telling me to go back to sleep, which I did.

At ten, I woke up and packed everything I forgot about the night before, and then hauled my suitcase, my backpack, and the three extra bags of things that I could not fit into my original luggage into the rental car, with my mother’s help.

I then proceeded to sleep for most of the five hour ride.

We got to the Lake District (my old enemy we meet again) in the evening, and were welcomed into the cutest B&B. It was adorable and brightly colored and the owner told us all about how she renovated the space with one of her sons, and how she was planning on writing the name of every lake she’d swum in on the stairs.

Just look at this gorgeous bathroom.

It has a tub.

I mean, I didn’t actually take a bath, because I don’t like baths, but I could have, which makes it a far cry from the very tiny box of a shower that I had been using in my London residence, which was literally not big enough to stick both elbows out in.

The room was also adorable, and my own, so I didn’t have to share with anybody, which was lovely.

We got dinner at a little restaurant that served excellent meat pies, and then my mother and her husband retired to their room to sleep, and I retired to my room to… well, not do that.

I actually was planning on sleeping, because despite the fact that I’d spent most of my day asleep, I was still exhausted. Finals week plus traveling to a new country for a whirlwind weekend adventure does not lead to healthy sleep habits.

However, at about ten at night I discovered that the first Lord of the Rings movie was available on Amazon Prime UK, and that seemed like an appropriate movie to watch while still in England, so I figured I might as well.

To be clear, I’d never actually seen the movie before, or read the books (I know, I know, a high fantasy book that Trixie hasn’t read? It’s a miracle! But seriously, I tried so many times when I was younger, and I could never make it past the first hundred pages because it dragged so much. I read the Hobbit, but the Lord of the Rings always eluded me. I might try to read them again, though, I think I could do it if I just powered through the boring beginning), and somehow I hadn’t looked at the time stamp, so I was a full hour in before I realized I’d committed to a movie that was four hours long (it was the extended edition, because of course it was) and by then I was far too invested.

I do believe I sent a message somewhere along the lines of WHO MAKES A FOUR HOUR LONG MOVIE AS THE BEGINNING OF A TRILOGY to friends that I knew had seen the movies before.

The rest of this post is going to be a ramble about my feelings on the first Lord of the Rings movie, so if you’d rather not read that, you can stop here, and I will certainly not blame you.

So first of all why, in every fantasy novel, do they introduce the people like the elves, who are perfect, and the dwarves, who are rich, and the humans, who are corrupt and definitely the first to fall in any here comes the evil scenario? People die soonest? It’s not that I disagree that people are the worst, it’s just that I don’t understand why everyone else can’t also be the worst?

I'm confused. The Power of the Ring makes him a jedi?

It's very unclear what the Power of the Ring actually is.

Like.

Mind control?

Telekinesis?

And does it pass on like the elder wand? You gotta kill someone to get it?

I suspect these are the things that I would find out in the books, but if I read all three of them (and the Silmarillion, thanks, I do know some things), and I don’t get a detailed description of what the rings are, what power they impart, how they got that power in the first place, how they were made (and if it’s hand waved as ‘magic’ that does not count), and what, precisely, it means to have the power to rule them all, I will dig up J R R Tolkien to demand answers.

Moving on: I’m sure Gollum was a super creepy character when he was first introduced but I’ve seen too many memes mocking the voice and the my precious line to take it seriously.

I understand why I loved the Hobbit more than LOTR: Hobbits spend their lives eating and reading and hating tall people, that’s clearly where I belong.

I also hope that the books contain a detailed explanation for what wizards are, how they get their power, why they’re all apparently old men, and what, exactly, their power set is.

Speaking of wizards, Harry Potter has negatively conditioned me to mistrust any old bearded wizard who says trust me, I'm your friend. Is Gandalf actually Sauron. I think I’d have gotten that spoiled for me at some point, but honestly I have surprisingly little idea how LOTR actually ends. I assume they win. Hopefully not a lot of people die but I don’t have high hopes about that.

Dementors on horses.

I realize that Harry Potter is basically a ripoff of LOTR, as most fantasy written since it was written is, but it’s my best point of reference for everything in life, so.

Okay, if your name is practically the same as the big evil guy, I feel like it should be a hint that you, too, are a big evil guy. Saruman, I am looking at you, dude. You were born to be very evil, and you didn’t even need to sit on that super creepy big black throne to prove it, though the fact that you did that anyway just proves that you’re one of the super dramatic big evil guys. Good for you.

It's interesting that, typically, in these sorts of books, people use magic to have physical fights. They're just throwing people around, but using magic instead of muscles. If they'd just hit the gym more often they wouldn't even need the magic.

I say that as a person who absolutely could not throw someone across a room without the use of a lot of magic.

Small dark haired plucky protagonists that look like Daniel Radcliffe should stop having such blind faith in old grey bearded wizards.

Sam yells, "Those wraiths are still out there!" and I heard, "The racists are out there!"

Honestly it would not surprise me to learn that ring wraiths are racist. They seem like the type? You know, malevolent, evil, wear hoods, like to gang up on innocent people and make their lives miserable, undead, probably trying to kill someone you love at any given moment, it makes sense. Also were once in power and are desperate to get it back and failing hard. Also probably living in the white house right now.

Lord Elrond looks like he's about to throw up every time he looks at someone. Anyone. Every person. What happened in his life to make him this extraordinarily bitter person. Is that one of those things the books would tell me?

"I am ready to go home."

-Frodo, with two and a half hours left in the first movie in his trilogy that might as well be entitled Frodo Doesn't Get To Go Home.

I feel like people who say that humanity's greatest downfall is pride are missing some key aspects of our personality, because personally I do not want to rule shit, thanks, and I don't particularly want whatever mystical power that ring holds over other people, it's clearly evil, throw it away please, but also if I were at that meeting I would absolutely want to poke the ring. I don't want to have it, or put it on, I just want to poke it. Curiosity to the point go stupidity is a much more interesting fatal flaw, and a much more accurate one for our species as a whole.

Elrond is hilariously offended to find out people were eavesdropping on his super secret meeting concerning the fate of the world in an open-air pavilion area.

I also believe that Elrond is evil, along with Gandalf, and everyone else, in fact, I trust Sam and everyone else has an agenda. Sam and Frodo. Maybe Merry and Pippin but that is it everyone else is the height of evil and someone should protect these hobbits from the rest of the world.

Why is everyone in every fantasy movie ever so willing and eager to make their last stand?

You know, the first Harry Potter movie was released about a month before the first Lord of the Rings movie, and I'm pretty sure that audiences everywhere that year were getting super tired of watching small dark haired plucky protagonists that look like Daniel Radcliffe be attacked by trolls while their equally plucky though typically more reluctant friends rescue them.

what fresh hell is that minotaur on fire

YOU SHALL NOT PASS has much more gravitas when it's not a mocking parody, I have found.

I was three hours in and decided to actually get some sleep, and finish everything up the next day because they were super peacefully floating down a river on some elven boats and I suspect, from the course of the movie thus far, they were not going to remain peaceful for any longer.

All in all, so far it's not a bad movie. Is my personal opinion. I know the entire world was waiting to hear my judgement on what is arguably the most famous series ever written (that isn't Harry Potter), and I judge it not bad, so far. Shocking that this massive phenomenon that has inspired the adoration of millions is actually good.

[jamiebluewind]

The Hidden Rose: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Vigilant, The Active, The Brave

Notes

Virgil's perspective

Word Count: 1755

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, mild panic attack, cursing (please message me if I missed any)

Links

The Hidden Rose: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Virgil didn't know what was off, but something was off. He did his best to keep the feeling from impacting Thomas. He stayed on top of his breathing exercises. He listened to music while scrolling through Tumblr. He made sure to eat and sleep regularly. Nothing helped. He could still feel something humming through his being saying that he needed to keep his guard up. That Thomas was in danger.

When a feeling of dread hit him so hard it nearly took his breath away, he started looking for a source. At first, he assumed it was Deceit, but after trailing him for two days he ruled him out. Then he checked and double checked everything going on in Thomas' life before checking on his friends and family. After sifting through all the data, the only thing he found was that Thomas had been a little unproductive lately and Joan forgot their jacket last week.

Running out of ideas, he pulled up their version of YouTube which contained every video Thomas had ever watched. He filtered to show only videos Thomas himself was in and that were under six months old before settling in. There was always a chance that the source of his dread had been caught on camera. He tried to listen in on most of the videos, but there was a chance that he missed something. If not, there were worse ways to spend a day.

The minutes ticked by. Virgil found that he was really enjoying himself. It was fun seeing everything from a new perspective. Thomas seemed fine for the most part. Patton had his smile back. Logan seemed better than normal... if a bit more sticky. And Roman was... Roman was...

“Wait,” Virgil whispered to himself as he skipped backward ten seconds at a time. He furrowed his brows and chewed on the corner of his nail as he stared at the prince. Something about the way Roman moved was wrong and his eyes didn't hold their normal fire. Virgil had noticed something similar in their last meeting, but shrugged it off. He thought Roman was having an off day.

The video went on. Roman got worse. Virgil slowed the speed, but the camera didn't lie. The something that was off was Roman and whatever was going on was serious.

---

Virgil wracked his brain for how Roman looked the last time he saw him. Had it really been three weeks? “Shit,” Virgil hissed. A lot can go wrong in three weeks.

Virgil sunk down into the commons and called for Roman, but nothing happened. He focused on where Roman's room would be housed inside Thomas' mind, but he couldn't feel anything. Panicking, he sunk down again and appeared in Thomas' house.

“Thomas!” he screamed. He scanned the room. It was dark and he couldn't hear a TV meaning Thomas had to be in bed. He turned to run up the stairs only to be blocked by an invisible force. He beat against it as his heart pounded in his chest.

An idea popped in his head. He morphed into Talyn and held out his hand. It passed through. “Damn reality column,” Virgil muttered as he climbed the stairs. He held onto his pants to keep them from falling off his much smaller frame.

Virgil turned the doorknob leading into Thomas' bedroom and threw open the door. He was greeted by a screaming Thomas who fell off his bed with a thump. The headphone jack jerked out of his discarded laptop causing the familiar sounds of The Office to fill the room. “Thomas!” Virgil screamed. It came out softer and higher than what he was used to.

“Talyn?!?” Thomas replied in shock. “WHAT THE HELL!?!”

Virgil held up a finger. “First off, not Talyn,” he said before holding up another finger. “Second, call Roman.”

Thomas squinted his eyes. “Virgil?” he asked, somehow even more confused than before.

Virgil took a deep breath and tried to calm himself while releasing just enough anxiety to trigger the adrenaline Thomas needed to focus. “Yes,”  he answered. “I had to change into Talyn to get up here. Something is wrong with Roman and I can't reach him. I need your help.”

Thomas blinked rapidly before nodding. “We should head downstairs so I can call Patton and Logan too. They might be able to help.”

---

The two made their way downstairs. Virgil took his place at his regular spot and reverted back to his normal form. He breathed in and started counting. Whatever was going on, Roman and Thomas needed Virgil as calm as possible.

Thomas turned on the lights and walked to the center of the room. “Logan? Patton?” Thomas called. The two sides in question popped up. Logan stood in a unicorn onesie holding a cup of tea. Patton stood in a cat onesie with a coloring book in his left hand and a blue crayon in his right.

“Little late to be shooting a video, hey kiddo?” Patton said with a smile. He somehow still gave off a fatherly aura despite his wardrobe.

“Agreed,” Logan stated now having dispersed of the cup and changed into his normal attire. “This is highly unusual behavior.”

“It's not for a video guys,” Thomas said looking solemn. “Virgil informed me that he can't reach Roman, so I brought you guys here just in case something is wrong. Have either of you seen him recently?”

Logan raised his left hand to his chin. “I believe the last time I spoke with him was thirteen days ago,” he answered as he crossed his arms. “He looked tired, but no more so than when he has an idea and stays up a day or so working on it. The last correspondence I had was when I sent him a memo detailing the aborted surprise party and subsequent low-key gift exchange. He simply returned the unopened letter with the word 'NO' written in red ink. That was six days ago.” He paused before sighing. “At the time, I just assumed he was being more exhausting than normal.”

“It was maybe a week for me,” Patton replied. His hands had dropped to his sides. Worry seemed to overtake his entire being. Virgil's heart broke at the sight. “He had missed two movie nights, so I went to his room. It was messier than normal, but not bad. I went up to his bedroom and knocked...” tears stared to flow. “He said he was fine,” he said through a choked sob. “That he had been busy and he was sorry. He promised to come to the next one. I should have... I... I should have...”

“Patton,” Thomas said, calm but firm with his hand raised towards the trembling father figure. “It's okay. We're gonna fix this. Okay?” Patton nodded in return.

Thomas looked toward the TV. “Roman?” he called. Nothing happened. Thomas shifted his feet. “Roman,” he said louder and with more authority. Again nothing. “Guys...” he said looking towards the others. “It's not working.”

The sides looked at each other hoping for answers, but it was Logan who spoke. “Thomas...” he said tapping his chin. “When was the last time you created anything?”

Thomas paused to think before pulling out his phone. “Five days ago,” he replied. “I posted a short.”

“How do you feel about it?” Logan continued.

Thomas gave him a puzzled look. “It's just a video,” he said. “It's not really good or bad, but it did get my average number of likes.”

“And how long since you have seen a handsome young man?” Logan asked in a way far more serious than the question seemed to warrant.

“Um...” Thomas said, quickly blinking like he just had cold water thrown in his face. “I have no idea, but I haven't left the house in days, so-”

“Not even in your dreams?” Logan asked, cutting Thomas off.

“No...” Thomas replied. “Actually, I haven't dreamed in a while either.”

Logan adjusted his glasses as the others exchanged knowing glances. He raised his left hand. “No creativity, no ego, no dreams, and no acknowledgment of those within the perimeters of your normal attraction,” he stated as he gestured with each point. “You are currently without Roman's influence.”

“He's cut off,” Virgil said. His eyes were wide, but his voice was quiet and calm.

“Like you were?” Patton asked Virgil, his eyes pleading.

Virgil shook his head, trying not to see Patton deflate. “No...” he said. “With me I cut myself off, but this... it's like his room isn't even there.”

Logan closed his eyes as if searching for it himself. When they opened again, they were filled with rage. He pushed a breath hard and fast past his lips like he was trying to blow out a room full of candles. “It's still there,” he said, “but his entire room has been blocked off, keeping any energy from escaping and getting to Thomas. Roman is most likely sealed inside.”

“Well,” Virgil said. His crooked smile took on a menacing tone as he stood to his full height, “looks like we have to go get him then.”

“Do you need me to take you there?” Thomas asked.

The three sides stood still for a moment as each tried to sink down to Roman's room. Nothing happened.

“Sorry kiddo,” Patton replied. “We can't get in without you.” His sad frown turned up at the corners with a bit of mischief. “Whoever put up the barrier must have used a pat-lock.”

Logan groaned. “Must you do that even now?” he said.

Patton shrugged. “What can I say? I can never key-p a good pun to myself.”

Virgil couldn't help but smile at Patton. Even though he was worried about Roman, he was still trying to lighten the mood. He was always looking out for them.

Virgil looked over at Thomas. He could feel the anxiety buzzing inside him just out of sight. “You ready for this?” he asked.

Thomas took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “Let's go save Roman.” Thomas brought his fingertips to his temples. “Picturing my fantasies and wildest dreams.”

“I'm getting a migraine already,” Logan mumbled as they began to sink down.

“Padre's coming for ya kiddo!” Patton said with a shout.

“You better be okay Princy,” Virgil said to himself. He closed his eyes as they hit the dark space between. “Please be okay.”

[lawofattractionlife]

PART #2

Hello there beautiful people! I’ve been thinking about writing this post and sharing some things with you for the last two weeks and now that I actually sat down to do it, I don’t know how and where to start. That’s okay, let’s see how the thought flows. Be prapred, what I’m about to say can change your life if you’re ready for it. Oh.. how I want you to be ready! 

THE PAST |  I’ve known about law of attraction about 7 years now. And let me be honest with you - in these 7 years I haven’t accomplished half the things I imagined I would have accomplished. There was not some dramatic huge change, I didn’t manifest my biggest of dreams. There were times when I was over the moon, but most of the time I didn’t soar with happiness. Very encouraging, isn’t it? But we’ll get there I promise. 

Long story short, I finished school and went to university which I didn’t want to do and I’ve know that for years, but still went and anyway you could guess how that ended - I quit. Right now I am working at a job abroad to “save” up some money for my future. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either. I was tired. Tired from not working my dream job, tired from waiting, tired from not seeing the change I wanted to see, tired from how I looked, tired from not being understood, etc. You see, this list can be endless and I don’t want to pick this momentum up any more, so you get my point. Don’t get me wrong, I was doing okay, there were amazing things happening, I tried to appreciate more and I focused on feeling good but deep inside I still felt like something’s not right. Things were aligning and it was very good until there was even a little misalignment which would throw me off the edge and then.. it was bad. Like really, really bad. I let myself stay there for days in the mindset that I know law of attraction is real, I know it, I just don’t know what went wrong again. In other words, let’s say I was moderately happy.

THE VERY CLOSE TO NOW PAST | In the past month or so, I felt the need to constantly do something. I wanted to be productive, I wanted to invest time in my future. I didn’t even want to watch movies or tv shows for too long because it made me feel like I’m wasting time. Two weeks ago I had a holiday off from work for six days. At first it was perfect, I needed some rest but then I got bored. The negative momentum slowly started receiving more and more attention until I felt like... shit. There, I said it. I felt awful. The weather was horrendous. Me and my boyfriend were constantly bickering. I had the need to do something because this doing nothing, this unproductivity made me insane. And what did I do? You guessed wrong - I kept doing nothing. I was uninspired. This made it even worse. I felt like I’m wasting not only my time, but my entire life. This added even more resistance in the mix.

"I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit." - Elizabeth Gilbert

I didn’t know what to do, so I wrote on a piece of paper – Universe, I want to feel good. Universe, I just want to be happy. Universe, I want to be happy, you know what I want bring it to me through the path of least resistance. I give up, I let go – make me happy. Nothing happened that day but I kept repeating in my mind that I want to be happy.

The last work-free morning I woke up, made myself a coffee and sat down for a while. I just sat there and thought – I have the energy that creates worlds inside of me and I feel like that?! I have the capacity to feel so much joy right now and what am I doing with my life?! What a dummy. I read through some Abraham quotes and once again I saw this one. But this time – it clicked like never before. 

“Just relax! Start saying things like: I am where I am. That’s the most profound thing that you will ever hear from us.”

I got it! Guys, I got it like never ever before. I am where I am. Where I am is where I am and it’s fine! I never in my life made peace with where I am. I always wanted to be somewhere else (that’s normal, it’s in our nature) but I never liked my current situation. I can’t explain to you the feeling after having had this epiphany. It was like an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Universe, couldn’t I get this earlier so I can enjoy my holiday?! (haha)

There is no point in talking about the past unless it feels good but I feel like I needed to say these things in order for you to understand what the point of this post is or may be even the whole point of our existence. Without me boring you with any more details – let’s get to the NOW!

NOW | Oh, now! Sweet, sweet present moment. I am so excited about this part of the story.

If you ask someone -  from a different person’s perspective nothing much has changed in my life. But I did. Now, that I finally made peace with my current situaiton I am happier and calmer than ever. I appreciate more, I bask more, I relax more, I know that I needn’t do anything - my only job is to get as happy as I can be! 

I made this change or more so allowed it and my life is amazing! As I’ve said in the past I didn’t like my job. Now I love it! People are nice to me there, I get along with them. Work goes by smoothly and time flies. I turn around and the shift is almost over! I am away from my friends and family but that feels alright too, I’m not lonely anymore! Me and my boyfriend are more in love than ever. In my free time, I do what I feel like doing, I stopped pressuring myself - for the last two nights believe it or not I only watched How I Met Your Mother and it felt so good! I highly recommend this show, it’s so much fun! 

I can’t stress enough how huge of a step this is. You’d ask isn’t making peace with what is going to make me stay here forever and the answer is no, no, NO! Making peace with where you are in my view means that you stop condemning yourself for where you stand in relationship to where you want to be. It means relaxing. It means seeing the good around you. It means liking where you are and being excited for the path to where you want to be to be revealed to you. It means trusting that the Universe knows what you want, knows how to deliver it to you and your only job is allowing. 

“We never want to acknowledge where you are without an eye toward where you’re wanting to go.” - Abraham-Hicks  

THE FUTURE | Well, finally this post is coming to an end.

Now that I’ve made peace with where I am full to the brim with happiness about my future! For example, I allowed to manifest an amazing idea (perfect for my preferences) for a magnificent business! From where I stand, I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to become a reality. That doesn’t matter, I am excited none the less. Actually, isn’t that the most exciting part of it all? Not knowing – the surprise, the delightful surprise of things falling into place step by step. Before I was so goal-oriented, I’m going to achieve this and this and I’m going to be successful and happy. I wanted it all and I wanted it this hot red minute without realizing it’s the path – enjoying the unfolding of the path. So, let your goal be happiness. No matter where you’re going, no matter what you’re doing - let your dominent intent be to see that which you’re wanting to see. And turst me, the unfolding is going to be blissful fun!

I’ve made plans to stay here until March next year but who knows?! A lot of things can happen in the months ahead, because now I’m sure that it’s not about time, it’s about alignment. 

I get a lot of different questions everyday from you guys asking for advice but it all comes down to one thing - alignment. It trumps everything. That’s my biggest and best advice I could give to all almost 9.000 of you. If you seem to be in a negative place most of the time and there are a lot of things that are not yet how you want them to be but you can’t look at them and feel good – go general for a while! 

Where I am is where I am. Where I am is where I am and it’s just fine. All is well. Things are always working out for me wheter I allow it or not. Oh, it’s going to be great. I’m going to live happily ever after. I’m so looking forward to things falling into place. I know I’ll know it when I see it. I am really enjoying how my life is beginning to unfold. I don’t have to figure it out right now. Actually, I don’t have to figure anything out right now. I’ll be guided every step of the way.   

So I’m going to finish this with Abraham’s words - lighten up people! You’re doing better than you’re giving yourselves credit for. Give yourselves a break. Don’t try so hard. You are beautiful brilliant creators! As you look for those things that make you shine bright and make you feel good you’ll tune to who you really are. The whole world will begin to transform itself before your eyes. It does get bigger and more exciting! Decide to be in a good mood more. 

“We would far rather that you be someone who knows how to get into alignment, than you be someone who always demands that you always stay in alignment. Because if you've decided that you must always be in alignment then you freak out at the slightest little misalignment. Where if you're more relaxed in it and you know that you can get into alignment easily, then you are more eager and willing to get out in the world because now the world doesn't threaten your disconnection.” - Abraham-Hicks

That’s my story! I’ve put a lot of thought into how to say these things and it feels a little sporadic but still I think I’ve done good. My hopes are that you find relief in these words, that you find clarity and excitement for your own future. 

There isn’t anything that you can’t be, do or have and you have a huge Non-Physical staff that’s ready to assist you. You are ready! 

[noheroes-allowed]

week 2

day 8: it feels good to be productive even though I really didn’t do much, had an hour phone call with my professor to go over my essay and he went into too much detail lmao and I really wanted it to end starting halfway through, watched hp 2&3 with my bro, spent two hours on refactored, am wearing a new sweater and socks I haven’t worn before and it’s nice, they’re moving forward with my background check so summer isn’t cancelled still as of now! hallelujah

day 9: jeremy released a new song, watched both hp 7’s today, watched wheel of fortune, sent refactored emails, played piano, forgot for like two minutes what day it was and thought it was wednesday, got a call from my recruiter and she told me they’re having a meeting tomorrow to decide what to do about the program eeeeeep, wore a new sweater today with my cat socks, kristina said she’d give me a list of questions but they never came so now keith is winging it tomorrow, texted keith if he was busy and if we could call later and then we did and I was less nervous this time about asking even though he never got back to me on what movie they ended up watching if they ever ended up watching which I don’t think they did and he just needed to get off the phone but it’s ok bc he was honest this time (update: he actually watched jerry maguire with his mom and that comforts me)

day 10: idk why but I can’t figure out how to make oatmeal at home? the two times I’ve done it now including today is not as good as when I made it in my apt kitchen, played piano and uke, asked my bro what day it was bc I’m starting to lose track of time :(, worked on refactored but didn’t work on my slides yet and was highly unproductive, potato salad at dinner, need to get a drug test lol, keith called me and it was work related but I like hearing his voice in any capacity, called Cat and got wrapped up in myers briggs again lmao, looked up my compatibility again and it said I’d have difficulties with jenny’s type lmao which is also jaja’s type, oh and I saw a real cat in this catastrophe! she let me pet her and everything. plus she looked like my aunt’s cat and it was very lovely after my run 

day 11: my mother woke me up this morning to drive her but it was unnecessarily early bc I didn’t even have to pick her up more than an hour later, finally left my neighborhood even though it was only for like 10 min it was still nice to fucking get out, my oatmeal this morning was actually good finally, spent like three hours curating a playlist oops, there’s like nothing in the fridge and it upsets me bc I want an actual meal but I’ve literally just been eating rice and bread for lunch this past week and it’s not working, played piano and uke, my supervisor emailed me and said they’re gonna pay for the past few days even though we haven’t been working! but I’m locked out of the time period so idk, saw the kitty again, texting :), filed my taxes which is the only thing I’ve really accomplished today but does that even count as being productive? lol I don't think so. also I haven’t done any school work in literally 16 days holy fuck I really need to get my shit together. but also I feel like I’m finally adjusting to this mess and trying to enjoy the moments I can

day 12: had a zoom meeting with my supervisor and I think I might pick up extra hours, peed in a cup, my mom finally bought groceries and there’s so much more fruit in the house and carrots! I can finally eat my hummus again, started watching the tv shows I keep up with again meaning I’m finally adjusting I think and not obsessing over the news like I did the first week, played piano, worked on refactored slides but it’s taking a lot longer than I expected bc I am procrastinating but also my kids did not do a good enough job and I have to pick up their slack, organized my google calendar so hopefully now I will finally stick to a schedule, my mom finally made a good dinner with our new groceries, got a free book yesterday bc there was a table giving them away and they were all suspense themed which isn’t typically what I read but we’ll see if I like the one I picked out, was gonna go to bed early but ended up watching harry styles tiny desk concert oops

day 13: watch svu today, practiced uke a really long time and I think I’m finally confident with two songs lmao. it’s taken me a really long time to learn them but I’m excited to try party favor next, rescheduled Iceland officially, I’m enjoying maggie rogers tunes, worked on refactored slides for fucking hours and still haven’t finished, called Cat, my mom is paranoid

day 14: I slept so fucking well this morning. it was so bizarre and I hadn’t slept this well in like more than a month and it may have been bc of a stupid reason, practiced uke, FINISHED THE FUCKING SLIDES, I sent this nytimes article to my environmental econ prof from last sem like three days ago bc it was talking about vsl and he got back to me today! cool, I think I may be going a little crazy ahahahahahha I need social interaction and segc is holding an update meeting tomorrow so I guess I’m looking forward to that, still have not worked on my essay and I probably won’t be tomorrow bc I gotta do cti work ugh. this essay just does not want to be written

[themarriageplace]

About this time two years ago, I fulfilled a dream on my bucket list — I walked the Appalachian Trail. My darling sister-in-law encouraged me to do it, and I agreed, setting off with her and a handful of other ladies, with whom I would soon become friends..

Now, before you even ask, no, we didn’t walk the whole 2,200 miles! With a family and a full-time practice, I don’t have the seven months that impressive endeavor takes. Besides, I am anything but an endurance athlete!

We started our adventure at the Swift Run Gap Entrance Station and finished 4 days later, at the Thornton Gap Entrance Station. All told, we covered about 45 miles. All uphill. All in the rain.

I jest…about the rain, at least. While it wasn’t literally all uphill, it did feel like it to this middle-aged, generally not-athletically inclined therapist! Nevertheless, uphill or not, those four days were a gift to me.

Hiking, even with buddies, is a very solitary experience. There is a lot of time to think and reflect. I found myself recognizing how many lessons I was learning on the Trail that were applicable to the work I do at The Marriage Place — lessons about marriage and about being in a relationship.

I want to share some of those lessons with you here.

Lesson 1: Get in shape for the journey

I did not take the best version of myself on the trip. Despite my good intentions, I hadn’t done the long preparatory walks. I really had no idea what I was heading into and as a result, I wasn’t fully prepared for the physical, mental or emotional demands of my journey. To remain healthy, a marriage requires deliberate on-going preparation. Some of you, despite your best intentions, haven’t properly trained yourself to be a healthy partner in a relationship. Good marriages require good relationship skills. Get in shape for your marriage. Don’t put it off any longer.

Lesson 2: Be a team

My personal choices leading up to the trip made my journey tougher. I didn’t make sure I had a backpack that fit appropriately. Or, maybe I didn’t know how to adjust it appropriately, but either way, my back was killing me after hours of trekking with it. Fortunately, one of my companions had a backpack that was easier to carry and she would switch off with me every time my back cried “uncle”. She did this even though my backpack was more uncomfortable for her also. These gals were all troopers and they know that being a team means no one is left behind. This hike was hard and at one point I was practically crying and begging them to leave me. It wasn’t pretty. But instead of abandoning me, my team cheered me on. They encouraged me to keep going. We shared laughs and sang songs to make the journey easier. They became my friends. This support system made all the difference on my journey. A healthy marriage can be your best support system. In fact, show me a good marriage and I’ll show you a marriage with good teamwork. Rarely are you both strong at the same time. Instead, you take turns being strong for each other. When one of you feels weak, the other is able and ready to carry your pack. Part of being a good team is also being willing to ask for and accept the help. Suffering in silence will destroy a team.

Lesson 3: Learn to adapt

On the trail, adapting might look like learning to pee standing up! Truth. (Men, you don’t know how lucky you are in this regard). In a relationship, being adaptable means learning to live with and love another human being through all stages of life. Someone who has had different life experiences than you — and who also has different opinions, likes/dislikes, annoying habits and triggers than you do, too. It is highly unlikely all aspects of your marriage are going to look like what you expected going into it. Your needs and wants will change over time and so will your partner’s. Learning to communicate and negotiate these with each other is where many couples struggle and need help finding a solution or compromise.

Lesson 4: Focus on your steps, not anyone else’s

On the Trail, you must keep your eyes open and focused on YOUR steps and YOUR path. If your attention turns to someone else’s, you’ll stumble and fall. The same holds true in a marriage. We are each responsible for our own contributions to our marriage. Our focus should remain there; however, it’s often easier to look across and point a finger at what our partner is/isn’t doing (especially if they are behaving badly) than it is to take an honest look at ourselves. Focusing your energies on something you can’t control — in this case, your partner — is unproductive. It renders you powerless and at risk of falling. Stay focused on you. A good therapist will help each of you do this and it makes couples therapy so much more productive. In fact, good couples’ therapy is often each of you doing individual work together.

Lesson 5: Expect the unexpected

Several weeks before my trip, I made the mistake of watching a campy movie about a bear that violently ate someone and then stalked the girlfriend through the woods for days. Gulp. The movie triggered a little OCD thing with me, and I wigged out about the possibility of meeting a bear on the trail, even though everyone told me the chances were almost nil. I did a therapy known as EMDR to combat my distress. (Yes, even therapists get therapy!) Thankfully it worked, because we did, in fact, meet a bear on the trail — but I didn’t panic! After all, I only had to run a little faster than the slowest person in my group!!

All kidding aside (the running part, not the bear), I tell this story because 1) every good hiking story should include a bear and 2) I want to highlight the importance of managing your expectations. Marriage is hard, just like hiking 45 miles with an ill-fitting backpack is hard. When you are hurting — or just feeling discomfort for a long period of time — it’s easy to focus only on the negative. It’s then you have a decision to make. You can either dwell in the pain, leaving you disappointed, stuck, and fantasizing about something better. Or, you can stay committed to your path of building a healthier marriage and see the goal to completion.

Lesson 6: Staying the course

Many couples quit too soon. They give up on their marriage or, at least give up on trying to make it better. When things get uncomfortable, they abandon their mission instead of learning to enjoy the journey, even the tough parts of it. I saw so many amazing views on my trip that wouldn’t have been possible without my long haul up the mountain.

If you find yourself in a relationship valley, or at the foot of a mountain you can’t climb alone, that’s when you need to expand your team and find an additional support system you can turn to that will shine a light on your path. At The Marriage Place, we have a team of counselors and coaches trained to be the marriage trail guides for couples looking for a path up and out. If you’d like to learn more about our services, I hope you’ll reach out. And if you ever have the chance to hike the Appalachian Trail, do it.

Happy Trails,

Kim

Call or schedule an appointment with The Marriage Place

[chaosbisexual]

1-74?

Hey there nonnie!! idk why, bc tbh i’m p boring, but thank you! i’ve already answered a handful of these so i’ll just do the rest!! thank you!!

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i mean i’m 5″2 so i wish i was taller,,,, like maybe just 5″6 or so??? just a bit taller???

2: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i LOVE dresses okay i’m that girl,, but i love dresses that come in at the waist bc i’m curvy so i like the waist,, and like high waisted shorts and jeans and skirts w shorter tops??? mm i LOVE. but i’m also comfortable with like big jumpers and stuff too so…

3: Do you like makeup? if so, What’s your daily makeup routine look like? Yes! I love makeup! i’m not very good at it but i find makeup v calming and usually when i’m upset the process of putting youtube or music on and doin my makeup is so theraputic,,, i usually do pencil eyeliner, eyebrows, concealer, mascara and eyeshadow if i have time (not in that order) but i honestly love eyeshadow pallets sm 

4: What three things/people do you think of most each day: things bc i’m boring; tea, blankets and friends. 

5: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? OVER EMOTIONAL AND OVERBEARING AND WILL PROBABLY LOVE YOU TOO MUCH,,, A BIT LIKE A PUPPY. ALSO HIGHLY ANXIOUS AND CRIES WHEN TEA IS UNAVAILABLE,,, that sounds about right,,,, 

7: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] : I love personality quizzes and i literally just took this and i’m melancholic?? which i agree w a lot actually (look it up if you want to know more lol)

9: who’s your favorite celebrity? hmm currently dodie clark (she counts ok) emma watson, adelaide kane, or matty healy,,, hmmm,,,,,,

10: who’s your favorite viner? i dont really watch vines but i think thomas sanders and lizzza are hilarious so,,,,

11: favorite youtubers? i kinda answered this before but dodie, lucy moon, jack and dean (anyone in that circle) dan and phil, carrie hope fletcher. 

12: cat or dogs? i dont like this bc i love them both but when it comes to mutual love,,,, dogs (but my cat has LOVED me recently idk whats happening)

14: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? i honestly don’t know,,, i LOVE the name lyra but i feel like i’d want to name my child that,,, but idk i also like laurel, lily, estelle,,,,

16: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? i feel most productive at night, and i love night, but i feel like people diurnal is more the norm and when i’d actually be able to get stuff done,, so that

17: Any phobias or fears? bein alone, being unproductive, unhappiness,, i don;t think i have any phobias but i am quite an anxious bean

18: Favorite movie? hmmmm 10 things i hate about you, any hp film, the narnia films,,, r+j,,,, there’s so m a n y 

19: Do you get scared easily? short answer: yes,,, long answer: Y Y E E S S 

21: What is a color that calms you? blue, like pale blue, green (bc being outside makes me feel calm) and like mauve bc it reminds me of my mum 

23: Where were you born? melbourne buddy

24: Introvert or extrovert? ambivert,,,, but i think i’m closer to extrovert 

25: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? YES I’M SUCH A TAURUS

 26: Hugs or kisses? i mean i’ve never kissed anyone so i’d have to say hugs

28: Talk about your crush, if you have one! idk where to begin w this omg,,,,

29: A sound you really love? RAIN. RAIN.  R A I N. and my friends talking, that makes me feel good too. 

30: Can you do the splits? nOPE 

31: Favorite actor and/or actress? emma watson, thomas brodie-sangster, asa butterfield, tatiana maslany, dev patel,,, ugh so many people

33: How are you feeling right now?  i mean ??? neutral??? like i’m not happy but i’m not sad?? fine??? 

34: What color would you like your hair to be right now?  i mean i used to want to be ginger but then i realized i would look crap but tonight at a dinner i was called a ranga (my hair is v light brown) and now i’m conflicted,, but like i kinda want darker hair rn 

35: Something that calms you down? dodie clark, my friends, tea, long walks.

36: Have any disorders? no but i might have anxiety??? 37: What does your URL mean? combo of my fave characters, clara oswald from doctor who and james and lily potter from hp,,, not even sorry 

38: What makes you unfollow a blog? inactive, rude or a person i just don’t want to be associated with anymore (this only happened once when i had a falling out w someone irl)

39: What makes you follow a blog? nice username or aesthetic, or i find you on my dash somehow. i follow a lot of people but it’s nice there’s variety. 

40: Favorite kind of person: one who understands me and listens to me but is also completely at ease w who they are and is willing to be open with me.

41: Name three of your favorite blogs. @alicelongbottom, @hpwritersnet (i’m part of this but we’re great) and @acestephendene ,, ily all sm and your blogs are all AMAZING,

42: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ!!!! and it fits me really well tbh.

43: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? currently my maxi dress or my jeans :)

44: Post a selfie or two? lol i don’t currently have any up put i have a pic of ME if that counts. everything will be under the tag “my face”

45: Do you like to swim? YES

46: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? swimming, i can’t skate for shit lol

47: Something you wish didn’t exist: tr*mp

48: Some thing you wish did exist: MONEY TREES AND TIME MACHINES

49: Piercings you have? just my ears

50: Something you really enjoy doing: reading and writing and walking. sometimes all at once oml 

51: Favorite person to talk to: hmm maybe either my two closest friends or my sister?? 

52: What was your first impression of Tumblr? *actual recreation* “plants, plants, plants, i guess they’re pretty,,,, wAIT IS THAT HARRY POTTER”

53: How many followers do you have? nearly 0.5 k :))))))))))))) (do you guys want me to do something to celebrate?? i’m so excited??)

54: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? probably not omg 

56: What are your birthstones? emerald,, thats the only one i know oops 

58: Someone you look up to: my sister (both literally and metaphorically)

59: A store you love? in australia we have this stationary store called typo,,, and it’s my favourite place on earth. and like any type of bookstore, vintage, or like anything. just books. 

60: Favorite type of shoes? boots,,, heeled boots,,,

61: Where do you live? australia m8

62: What color do you wish the sky was? i wish it always looked like it does when its dusk tbh 

63: Favorite thing about a person: their eyes, their passions, their hopes.

64: Something you love about Tumblr: all the kind people who send me asks and messages :)66: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,, idk maybe a 4 or 5? and on a good day, a 6-6.5? which is kind of ironic when you think about the fact that i idolise my sister,,, who looks like me,,,,

67: What nicknames do you have/have had? lexi, ali, alexy-indre, munchkin, smol bitch, peanut, smol cabbage, and most recently, the good ole “al”

68: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? when i was v little, but i think i stole them all from story books so,,,,

69: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? i have seen a counselor, and i probably go back actually,,,70: How many languages do you speak fluently? just english,,, but i am trying to learn french.71: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. mum, my sister, and hannah (@acestephendene)

72: Do you like BuzzFeed? i mean ??? yes ??? i know they’re problematic and all but yes i like the content,, espec unsolved its my fave. 

73: How many people are you following? i’m such a mess i think last time there was around 3,000??? i should probably maintenance that omg 

74: How many posts/likes/ and or drafts do you have on your blog? 14,168 posts, 31,092 likes, and 2 drafts (again, i’m a mess)

phew that was long!! hope ur not asleep anon, thank you so much xx

[lauramalchowblog]

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine

Hi folks, welcome back for another edition of Ask a Health Coach. Today, Erin discusses how trusting your instincts might just be your best bet during these uncertain times, how finding your ‘why’ can help you stick with long-term goals, and the one thing you need to do to change bad habits for good. Got more questions? Keep them coming in the MDA Facebook Group or down below in the comments.

“I’ve definitely felt the pressure of having more time on my hands lately. Everywhere I turn I’m hearing people say, ‘what will you do during the quarantine?’ And ‘how will you come out of this better?’ What’s your take on all of this?” – Andrea

From my perspective, there are just as many people shouting “MAKE YOURSELF BETTER!” as there are “TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.” Honestly, I’m team DO WHATEVER THE HECK FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU.

We all have a new normal right now, even those of us who are used to doing the work-from-home thing. Your new routine might have you feeling unproductive, fearful, or totally out of it. Or it might have you living your best life 1 enjoying extra hours of glorious sleep, a reinvigorated sense of creativity, or desire to learn.

Instantly download your copy of the Keto Reset Diet Recipe Sampler

I can’t say exactly what camp you’ll be in, because how one person responds to change isn’t the same as the next person. That’s the beauty of humans. We’re all different. And how we cope with uncertain times, new schedules, and strategizing on how to score a 4-pack of toilet paper is different too.

TP jokes aside, I’d check in with yourself to see if you’re using your situation as an excuse or an opportunity. People tend to see themselves as victims 2 or as empowered, which influences everyday behaviors, from what kind of groceries you put in your online shopping cart to how you interpret someone’s comment on Instagram.

If you’re thinking things like, “What if I can’t do it?”, “I’ll never be as good” or “Why bother?”, there’s a good chance you’re in the fear-based victim camp. Asking “What can I learn?”, “What excites me? or “How can this improve my life?” are signs you’re looking at your situation through an empowered, opportunistic lens.

See the difference?

So, if your days are spent lounging on the couch, it could be that you’re afraid of taking action. Or it could be that extra hours of relaxing with a funny movie or a good book you’ve been dying to read for 5 years is exactly what you need.

Only you know which is right. Not your online friends, your real friends, or your family on the other side of the country. You don’t need the pressure of keeping up with the overachievers or self-care advocates of the world who are unintentionally making you feel guilty for all the things you are or aren’t doing.

What you do need is self-compassion and a little clarity.

I don’t want you to look back a few years (or a few months) down the road and remember that you spent way too much time stewing over whether or not you should have taught yourself Spanish during self-isolation, tried to get washboard abs, or perfected a paleo banana bread recipe. It won’t matter. Seriously.

What will matter is the time you spent trusting yourself and not worrying about what other people think. Trust yourself and the rest will follow.

Stephen asked:

“Whenever I decide I’m ready to make changes to my diet, it never lasts more than a few weeks. Any advice for someone who chronically falls short when it comes to long-term goals?”

Let me ask you this: Do you really want to make changes to your diet? I know you say you do, but saying and believing are two entirely different things. Whenever I start working with a client, we spend significant time uncovering their ‘why’ — their real, deep-down reasons and motivations for wanting to make a change. It’s not just my approach either. Everyone from executives to athletes believes that uncovering your why 3 is one of the key elements of success.

If you haven’t done an exercise like this, I highly recommend it. My go-to method is called Why-By-Five. Basically, it’s an exercise that helps you get in touch with your true motivating factors for change. And all you have to do is ask yourself ‘Why’ five times.

· Why is this change important to you? Think about why you want to lose fat or become more metabolically flexible. What is your current situation preventing you from doing?

· Why does that matter? What would be possible if you made those changes? Would you be less hangry, less achy, or have fewer cravings?

· Why is that important? Maybe you’re sick of feeling that low blood sugar crash or getting lectured by your physician or buying pants in a bigger size. Only you know why this is important to you.

· Why would that be great to achieve? Visualize yourself reaching your goal. Imagine all the things you’d be capable of doing.

· Why? Seriously, why? Is it to prove that you can stick with something once and for all? Or reverse the clock and be a bad ass into your 70’s? There’s no wrong answer as long as it resonates with you.

  “I have lots of bad habits around sleep and hitting the snooze button. What’s your number one piece of advice relating to breaking bad habits and developing good ones?” -Eric

I would say pick ONE habit and go from there. Our society is so ‘all-or-nothing’ and frankly, it pisses me off. It’s either sleep ‘til noon followed by a Frappuccino and a fritter…or get up at the crack of dawn for a fasted 6-mile run.

Listen, you’ve probably had these habits for years. And changing them all at the same time is a recipe for disaster. (Just a side note here: some people do really well by changing everything at once, but since you’re struggling, I’m guessing you’re not one of those people. Sorry, Eric. I’m not either, if it makes you feel any better.)

Like I mentioned, instead of focusing on breaking all of your bad habits, the key here is to focus on one thing you want to change. If you’ve ever read the book, Atomic Habits, you know there’s a science to this stuff. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to go to bed earlier or trying to wake up earlier, behavior change requires a strategy. Say your goal is to stop smashing the snooze button. What’s one thing you can do to refrain from doing that?

How about putting your alarm in the next room with the volume up really loud? You’d literally have to get out of bed to shut the damn thing off!

You might also want to work with an accountability partner, which is what I’m doing right now. Truth be told, I’m a snooze button pusher too. At least I was until I decided that having an awesome relaxing morning routine (tea, journaling, reading, staring out the window serenely) was more exciting to me than lazily lounging in bed for far too long. Now my accountability partner and I text each other at 5:15 every morning to make sure we’re up.

For you, I’d see if there’s someone in your circle of friends who has the same goal as you do and partner up. That way you’ll be helping someone else break their bad habit too.

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References

https://ift.tt/3cC3LFp,

https://ift.tt/2Z1X8Zz

https://ift.tt/2gGlIGh

The post Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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[jesseneufeld]

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine

Hi folks, welcome back for another edition of Ask a Health Coach. Today, Erin discusses how trusting your instincts might just be your best bet during these uncertain times, how finding your ‘why’ can help you stick with long-term goals, and the one thing you need to do to change bad habits for good. Got more questions? Keep them coming in the MDA Facebook Group or down below in the comments.

“I’ve definitely felt the pressure of having more time on my hands lately. Everywhere I turn I’m hearing people say, ‘what will you do during the quarantine?’ And ‘how will you come out of this better?’ What’s your take on all of this?” – Andrea

From my perspective, there are just as many people shouting “MAKE YOURSELF BETTER!” as there are “TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.” Honestly, I’m team DO WHATEVER THE HECK FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU.

We all have a new normal right now, even those of us who are used to doing the work-from-home thing. Your new routine might have you feeling unproductive, fearful, or totally out of it. Or it might have you living your best life 1 enjoying extra hours of glorious sleep, a reinvigorated sense of creativity, or desire to learn.

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I can’t say exactly what camp you’ll be in, because how one person responds to change isn’t the same as the next person. That’s the beauty of humans. We’re all different. And how we cope with uncertain times, new schedules, and strategizing on how to score a 4-pack of toilet paper is different too.

TP jokes aside, I’d check in with yourself to see if you’re using your situation as an excuse or an opportunity. People tend to see themselves as victims 2 or as empowered, which influences everyday behaviors, from what kind of groceries you put in your online shopping cart to how you interpret someone’s comment on Instagram.

If you’re thinking things like, “What if I can’t do it?”, “I’ll never be as good” or “Why bother?”, there’s a good chance you’re in the fear-based victim camp. Asking “What can I learn?”, “What excites me? or “How can this improve my life?” are signs you’re looking at your situation through an empowered, opportunistic lens.

See the difference?

So, if your days are spent lounging on the couch, it could be that you’re afraid of taking action. Or it could be that extra hours of relaxing with a funny movie or a good book you’ve been dying to read for 5 years is exactly what you need.

Only you know which is right. Not your online friends, your real friends, or your family on the other side of the country. You don’t need the pressure of keeping up with the overachievers or self-care advocates of the world who are unintentionally making you feel guilty for all the things you are or aren’t doing.

What you do need is self-compassion and a little clarity.

I don’t want you to look back a few years (or a few months) down the road and remember that you spent way too much time stewing over whether or not you should have taught yourself Spanish during self-isolation, tried to get washboard abs, or perfected a paleo banana bread recipe. It won’t matter. Seriously.

What will matter is the time you spent trusting yourself and not worrying about what other people think. Trust yourself and the rest will follow.

Stephen asked:

“Whenever I decide I’m ready to make changes to my diet, it never lasts more than a few weeks. Any advice for someone who chronically falls short when it comes to long-term goals?”

Let me ask you this: Do you really want to make changes to your diet? I know you say you do, but saying and believing are two entirely different things. Whenever I start working with a client, we spend significant time uncovering their ‘why’ — their real, deep-down reasons and motivations for wanting to make a change. It’s not just my approach either. Everyone from executives to athletes believes that uncovering your why 3 is one of the key elements of success.

If you haven’t done an exercise like this, I highly recommend it. My go-to method is called Why-By-Five. Basically, it’s an exercise that helps you get in touch with your true motivating factors for change. And all you have to do is ask yourself ‘Why’ five times.

· Why is this change important to you? Think about why you want to lose fat or become more metabolically flexible. What is your current situation preventing you from doing?

· Why does that matter? What would be possible if you made those changes? Would you be less hangry, less achy, or have fewer cravings?

· Why is that important? Maybe you’re sick of feeling that low blood sugar crash or getting lectured by your physician or buying pants in a bigger size. Only you know why this is important to you.

· Why would that be great to achieve? Visualize yourself reaching your goal. Imagine all the things you’d be capable of doing.

· Why? Seriously, why? Is it to prove that you can stick with something once and for all? Or reverse the clock and be a bad ass into your 70’s? There’s no wrong answer as long as it resonates with you.

  “I have lots of bad habits around sleep and hitting the snooze button. What’s your number one piece of advice relating to breaking bad habits and developing good ones?” -Eric

I would say pick ONE habit and go from there. Our society is so ‘all-or-nothing’ and frankly, it pisses me off. It’s either sleep ‘til noon followed by a Frappuccino and a fritter…or get up at the crack of dawn for a fasted 6-mile run.

Listen, you’ve probably had these habits for years. And changing them all at the same time is a recipe for disaster. (Just a side note here: some people do really well by changing everything at once, but since you’re struggling, I’m guessing you’re not one of those people. Sorry, Eric. I’m not either, if it makes you feel any better.)

Like I mentioned, instead of focusing on breaking all of your bad habits, the key here is to focus on one thing you want to change. If you’ve ever read the book, Atomic Habits, you know there’s a science to this stuff. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to go to bed earlier or trying to wake up earlier, behavior change requires a strategy. Say your goal is to stop smashing the snooze button. What’s one thing you can do to refrain from doing that?

How about putting your alarm in the next room with the volume up really loud? You’d literally have to get out of bed to shut the damn thing off!

You might also want to work with an accountability partner, which is what I’m doing right now. Truth be told, I’m a snooze button pusher too. At least I was until I decided that having an awesome relaxing morning routine (tea, journaling, reading, staring out the window serenely) was more exciting to me than lazily lounging in bed for far too long. Now my accountability partner and I text each other at 5:15 every morning to make sure we’re up.

For you, I’d see if there’s someone in your circle of friends who has the same goal as you do and partner up. That way you’ll be helping someone else break their bad habit too.

(function($) { $("#df77SQr").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=df77SQr" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://ift.tt/3cC3LFp,

https://ift.tt/2Z1X8Zz

https://ift.tt/2gGlIGh

The post Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

[ulrichfoester]

An Open Letter to My Readers

Dear LoveAndLifeToolbox.com Readers ,

These are challenging times.  Most of you have had to redefine what’s “normal” as we practice social isolation to do our part to avoid the spread of COVID-19 / novel coronavirus.  Some of you are home with your partners and kids, challenged to be teachers as your children continue their schooling online.  In many of those cases you are trying to work at home too, if possible.  If your kids are younger, you may be trying to entertain them and create some semblance of order.  Some of you are without kids in the home but as a couple, individual or roommates, also trying to wrap your brain around your new temporary lives.

Some are highly stressed, worried about your health and the health of those you care about.  Others are also worried about finances.  Where will money come from if your place of work is now closed?  And if you are in a country where there is a literal lock down in effect, you are even further contained in what might be a small apartment, where you aren’t even allowed to leave without permission (to shop for essential needs only).

This global pandemic is a collective experience and indeed, we are all in this together, regardless of whether you have seen high impact in your area yet or not.

My family in Marin County, CA is under a “shelter in place” order since this past Monday, March 16th at midnight.  However, many were already diligently practicing social distancing days ahead of that.  My husband is working from home.  Our 12 year old son is doing online school as of this past Monday and word is that we might need to prepare for this to last through the end of the school year.

I have moved my therapy practice to full tele-health mode, now offering phone, video and chat options.  This past week has been busy in all associated with that, including a lot of therapy sessions with people which were mostly processing their experiences with the impact of COVID-19 on their lives.  I’ve spent a lot of time helping people figure out what optimal functioning looks like for them under these circumstances.

I’ve learned a lot in the last week, not only from personal experience but from that of friends and clients regarding some of the ways people are struggling emotionally and psychologically.  I also have some suggestions as to how to mitigate some of these challenges in a situation that quite possibly could endure for some time.

The ways people are struggling:

Extreme media focus leading to feeling untethered and unproductive.  Many have said they feel like the rug was pulled out from under them.  They are struggling to get important things done and often, they are spending a lot of time consuming the media and every detail of COVID-19.  This is such an evolving situation that of course there is a constant stream of new updates, locally and worldwide.  Some people are losing their sense of time throughout the day.

High anxiety and stress baselines.  With all of the unknowns, it’s totally reasonable to be worried about what it all means.  People are unusually preoccupied and in some cases they are being hijacked by anxiety which is impacting their mood and relationships.

Relationship tension between couples.   No one is used to being in the same home 24-7.  This will be bonding and rewarding for some (a possible silver lining) and for others, maybe lead to more tension and conflict than normal without the usual mechanisms to take a break or do other things out and with others.  If you have different living styles that have been an issue before, this may be exacerbated (different ideas of cleanliness and order, etc).

Trying to keep kids contained, manage online schooling and restless teens.   If this is hard for adults, imagine what it’s like for kids.  It’s important to educate them (age appropriately) about what is happening and why, without triggering anxiety for them if possible.  Check out this article in the New York Times for more on that.  How to Talk to Your Kids About the Coronavirus.  There has been some discussion in our area about teens gathering in groups when they should be home which has been another issue.  They are restless and being asked to be away from their peers all the time,  totally counter to their developmental stage.  But they must understand the importance of it.

Suggestions to improve the above:

Minimize your media exposure.  Allow yourself one or two times a day (preferably not at night before you go to bed) to get your updates.  Choose a few reputable sources and avoid going down the online rabbit hole.  Shelter your children from too much as well.

Create a schedule.  This will help anchor the day and create a natural flow to it.  It will also help boost your sense of accomplishment.  Many thrive with schedules and lists in normal times.  Those with anxiety often are very attached to schedules as it is a superficial (yet effective) way to maintain a perceived sense of control.  In these times, everyone can benefit from even a loose schedule to avoid hours and days blurring together.  Adults and kids can all benefit from schedules!  Here is an example.

Get up / Eat

Take a Walk

Work / Academic Time

Lunch

Work Time / Academic Time

Rest

Take a Walk / Creative

Dinner

Movie or Favorite Show

Bed

Communicate.  Now more than ever it’s important to keep all communication lines open and not to harbor resentment to avoid blow ups.  Addressing issues and feelings coming up in a challenging situation is more helpful than letting it fester.   Do so kindly.  You are in this together and it’s critically important that you feel safe and secure in your personal cocoon.

Notice the good.  When life is challenging and things are genuinely bad, your negativity bias can kick into overdrive.  This will activate  the alarm center in your brain (amygdala) that danger is present, releasing a cascade of stress hormones chemicals, including cortisol and adrenaline into your system. This is not only hard on your body (heart, sleep, etc) but mood and possibly relationships.  Get into the practice of noticing what’s good around you, what you appreciate, seeing things you haven’t seen before.  Examples; noticing that you and your family are having more quality family time with things coming to a halt, noticing something beautiful outside your window for the first time or noticing that your dog is quite pleased to have you home and more walks.

Self-care.  Everyone in your home should create their own personal self-care list, which will also provide healthy coping mechanisms when things feel overwhelmed or need a break.  What feels good to you, is distracting and takes your mind off things in a healthy way?  Hopefully “exercise” is on everyone’s list and if possible, get outside into fresh air for a walk.  If that’s not possible, get creative in your home.

The truth is, this is really hard.  And it may get harder.  People are scared and on edge.  And many are literally in survival mode.  For more tips on how to do your best in this situation, I’ve written a few more specific articles on this topic in the last few days.

Social Distancing:  How to Keep Connected and Upbeat

How to Stay Calm When Things are Not Calm

My heart is with you all as I wish you and yours health and well-being.  I will continue to write articles related to your emotional and relationship health with COVID-19 during this challenging time.  We are all in this together.

To receive the latest of my content to your in-box, subscribe to The Toolbox Newsletter.  I  offer two options depending on your frequency taste, 1) The Toolbox “Live” as content is published or 2) The Toolbox Monthly “Wrap-Up,”  You can sign up here.

Lastly, enjoy the “Coping Calendar” below I just stumbled upon via ActionForHappiness.org.  (This link has the full size version for ease of printing if desired.)

Be well,

Lisa B. Kift, MFT

Creator of:

LoveAndLifeToolbox.com

An Open Letter to My Readers published first on https://familycookwareshop.tumblr.com/