#all im doing is waiting for the other sticker and bracelet

[frozenhi-chews]

Obligatory F/O merch collection post tnjendnene

[heartshaped-lou]

the past few days have been so wholesome. i will always be fond and emotional when thinking of the sweet girl who stopped me outside of the venue to ask me if i wanted a friendship bracelet even if i didnt have anything to swap it with, and her friend who gave me a rainbow heart sticker to put on my shirt! the two artists (@/mBartworks and @/_.watercolor_sugar._ on ig, check them out!) who gave us the cutest little artworks they had printed out and took a pic of me and my friends in front of the venue. and the person who was standing next to me in turin, saw me crying during hoth and asked me if they could hug me. the other girl that was standing next to me in turin who got emotional for every. single. song and who in turn made ME emotional for every single song cause apparently people crying make me cry. then gaia and valentina, the two girls i met while getting inside the venue in turin who we stayed with for the whole show, who i held as if we'd been friends for years (it surely felt like it!) while they got emotional during copy: we screamed lyrics at each other, danced together, held hands, swapped our phone numbers so that we could stay in contact and meet up for other shows in the future, ran around the venue together to try and catch louis at the end of the show. the group of young girls who were sitting next to us on the grass outside the venue before the show who entertained us and made us laugh so genuinely. the couple of parents who stayed in the back of the standing area in bologna and who looked amused but fond at the weirdos doing a conga line during all this time. alessandra, the girl who was squished behind me while we were waiting post show for louis to come greet us in bologna, who gave me her number so i could send her the pics: she was sure she wouldn't come up in any pic cause she was a bit behind and - hours later, after realizing she actually was in the pic with louis (because he is the selfie master, kudos to you king) - sent me a selfie of herself crying, captioned "IM IN IT TOO😭", and reduced my heart to shambles and made me break down while sitting on the ground at 1 am outside the venue. to the merch-clad louies who were on our same 7 am flixbus from turin to bologna who i shared sleepy but excited looks with. my friend with big incredulous teary heart eyes while looking around at the yellow lights during angels fly. my other friend who started crying as soon as bigger than me started playing in bologna. and really, i could stay here for hours talking about how endearing it was when anyone - literally anyone! - looked at you, smiled and told you "have a good show!!!" but i should probably stop cause this has gotten long enough. i am left with incredible memories, pics, a bracelet, and a heartache that i - for once - will proudly wear like a crown. begging time to not heal this one cause i wanna remember these feelings forever. to say it in his words: infinitely grateful for what we created! thanks louis but most of all thanks louies <3

[gutpuncherproductions]

The Boots Bandits

They met at a Halloween shop... a boy was looking at a Ghostface mask and a girl walking by said “you should get it, I have one too, everyone should have a Ghostface Mask”... he said you know thats a good point because what if the president suddenly signs an order for National Ghostface Day where everyone wears as employees and as customers.. then the prices would skyrocket and they would run out of masks!....”it would be Ghostface chaos! they should do that id vote for that president for sureee lol”.... the boy laughs and says that the girl is really cute and he introdoces himself as Simon Boots and she said nice to meet you Mr. Boots Im Veronica and she smiles... Simon quickly compliments her on her cute outfit and t shirt of a melting skull type stuff and asks her what shes shopping for..... she goes on a rant of halloween decoration stuff and doesnt mind Simon walking with her... he in fact grabbed a couple fake spiders, a can of suprise worms, a big black candle that was the shape of a skull and they laughed about it was her tshirt and they were walking and they saw a lil bucket of old scary movies and Veronica was like OOOO and looked at some and showed one that was named fridaynightoutatthescarynightclub and it was old and rare or super special to her and to Simon and she said she had to buy it and Simon said how about you pick one more DVD for me and ill buy them both since its a buy one get one free offer. The movie she picked out for him was Afternoon Walk at the Ultra Special Flower Park at 5pm and she HIGHFIVED HER FOLLOWER FRIEND ONE TIME to confirm that she would be there this thursday because she randomly wants to take a walk and talk about MINNESOTAN POP MUSIC..... They went to the checkout counter and did the two seperate transactions and Simon walked her to her car and somehow he smoothly said something about seeing Halloween The End and she said oh shucks I already saw it. And Simon finnessed his way into saying lets get a drink and she can spoil the Ultra Mega Halloween ending for him because he wants to hear a full synopis on how they did compared to the other ones since shes such a horror nerd (sees all the spider stickers on her windshields and the bumper sticker that says. “I Fxck for Free on Freaky Fridays”) (or the bumper sticker said Horror Movies have me by the Booty Cheeks) and also seeing a bumper sticker of just a syth and a skull...... she wrote her number on his hand with a red sharpie she had in her car and he said nice to meet you and hugged her saying hed see her this Friday night at 10:30 at the Gargoyle NightClub (even tho he was nervous and didnt mention the ankle bracelet he had on because secretly he was Shia LaBouf from Disturbia and he needs to talk to his NEIGHBOR again before friday.... she said okay Simon whatever you say :)) and she got in her car and watched him as he walked to his car without looking back until he was on the other side of his car and he looked at her and waved before he got in. and then by the time he had gotten in and turned his car on then she was driving away and he could only see her back tight lil bumper. and he immedietly wrote the number on his hand onto a piece of paper he had in his car..... then he drove home and made some SUPER BOMB VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET AND LIFTED AND FORCED HIMSELF TO NOT TEXT HER BECAUSE IT WAS TUESDAY AND THE SAME DAY HE HAD MET HER AND EVERYTHING IN HIM WAS THINKING ABOUT VERONICA AND WANTED TO SAY HI IT WAS NICE TO MEET U BUT HE MADE HIMSELF WAIT UNTIL AFTER HE FINISHED ONE VIDEO AND THEN HED REEVALUTE

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It. i

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: i, ii

"Hey Jaemin?" you said, not looking up from your bucket filled with sand. "Yeah?" your friend replied, sitting down infront of you, sand moving everywhere from the impact. You flipped the bucket over, tapping it with your palms and the end of the plastic shovel.

"Do you think my soulmate is just gonna be like Daddy?" you asked, creating sand walls with your palm as Jaemin set up mini towers beside the bucket with his little cup. "Soulmate? Gross," his face scrunched up in disgust, sticking his tongue out which caused you to giggle.

"You're gonna have one, too, dummy!" your hands grabbed one of your stuffed animals and throwing it at him. "Yeah, but I don't wanna." he pouted, grabbing the shovel beside you to fill another bucket with the sand around you, putting your stuffed animal aside.

"Why not?"

"Cause it's stupid."

"It's not stupid!"

You look up at him with a pout, looking at Jaemin who's eyes was filled with anger. "Why?" you asked, pulling your bucket to reveal a perfectly made sand castle. "It's stupid how we can't choose our soulmates." he whined.

"Why?" you asked again, in the same calm tone as you decorated your sandcastle with tiny figurines of your latest favorite cartoon. "I want to choose myself." he ran his hand through the sand, picking a pile up with his palm before letting it pour out in between his fingers.

"I want to choose my soulmate." he stated after a sigh, looking at you with his lips sucked in between his teeth as you gave him a sweet understanding smile. "Dont you, Y/n?" he asked, making you look up at him with a small questioning hum.

"Don't you wanna choose your soulmate, too?" he asked. "Me?" you asked, pointing a finger at yourself, making him nod. You grabbed your tigger plushie and hugged it to yourself, "I want to. So bad. Mommy says soulmates are the ones that make you happy, and would protect you when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. And would always be with you forever and ever," you gushed.

You paused as you hugged your plushie tight, "I would do anything to meet my soulmate." you sighed dreamily. "I think Tigger might be your soulmate," Jaemin teased. "I wish." you stuck your tongue and blew a raspberry teasingly at him, making him laugh.

"But Mommy says Tigger can't have a tattoo when he's 16 years old." you whined, looking at your plushie with your lips pursed. "See! This is why I don't want a soulmate." Jaemin huffed, raising his arms out at you before crossing them against his chest dramatically.

"I thought you said you want to choose your soulmate," you smiled, nuzzling your head against Tigger. Jaemin frowned, kicking some sand off the soles of his shoes, "That too." he grumbled under his breath.

"Even if your soulmate was me?" you asked teasingly, poking your cheek with your hand to act cute. The boy let out a giggle, throwing your plushie that was previously thrown at him to you. "Especially you!"

His words made you frown, your bottom lip sticking out. "Meanie! Na Jaemin is a meanie!" you whined before looking at your Tigger plush. "Tigger, Jaemin is a big meanie. He's not my soulmate. My soulmate would make me happy, not be mean to me." You announced dramatically as Jaemin stuck his tongue out with a teasing smile.

"For now, you're my soulmate, Tigger! Tigger makes me happy all the time!" you grinned widely as Jaemin laughed. "Tigger can't be your soulmate, y/n!!" he laughed, clutching his stomach at your weird antics.

"Yes he can! And he's a better soulmate than you'll ever be, Jaemin! Soulmates make each other happy all the time, not be mean to them!" you turned your head away from Jaemin dramatically, making Jaemin snort.

You were six years old when you found out Jaemin didn't want a soulmate. At least, a soulmate that was chosen for him. You didn't think he was serious, thinking it was merely just a phase that he would eventually get over and accept reality.

You were thirteen years old when you're beginning to think otherwise.

"Jaemin!!" you exclaimed, running up to him and hopping as you lay your hands on his shoulders, startling the boy. "How's my favorite bestfriend?" you grinned, tilting your head as you watch Jaemin chuckle softly at you.

"Im your only bestfriend, loser." he stated casually causing your smile to drop. "Damn, do you always have to ruin my mood? That is no way to speak to your precious best friend." you tutted, waving your index finger at him, making the boy giggle as he rolled his eyes.

"It's my job as a bestfriend to turn your life upside-down right?" he grinned as he shut his locker, walking by your side to your class. "Yeah, you're definitely not my soulmate." you stated in a monotone voice, your lips pursed dramatically.

"Could you stop talking bout soulmates for just a second?" he groaned loudly, tilting his head back in frustration. You grinned, "right, I forgot your sister found hers already. Must suck to hear how everyone in your family isn't single no more." you teased.

"Oh shut up, you're single too. Idiot." he sassed, gently flicking your forehead which caused you to let out a small yelp. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." you pouted, rubbing the slightly sore spot on your forehead as you continued to walk down the crowded halls.

"You still on that 'I'll reject my soulmate when I meet them' phase?" you mumbled, "this phase feels like its gonna last a whole lifetime, God." you continued as Jaemin let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not a phase, Y/n." he stated.

You raised your brow questioningly at your best friend, "you sure you won't change your mind?" you asked. You saw him nod without meeting your eyes, determined to keep his word. "Alright, dang, I feel bad whoever gets to be your soulmate." you chuckled.

"You're still love struck bout finding them? You got three years left til you actually get your tattoo. What's the rush?" he grinned after a moment of silence. You raise your eyebrows, "there's no rush. I just." you sighed, looking down at your two feet, your shoelaces both tied to a tight knot.

"I really really want to meet them." you sucked in your lips, hearing Jaemin let out a chuckle. "No kidding, y/n." he joked which made you glare at him. "I'm serious." you said, looking into his eyes with full seriousness to prove to him that you're actually that hyped up.

"I really really want to meet them. " you spoke. "My parents always show so much love for each other and they just make the concept seem so exciting. My mom says meeting your soulmate makes you feel whole and you can't stop yourself from smiling when you're around them." you explained.

"It's something you don't understand." you grinned, booping his nose which caused him to let out a small laugh. "Yeah, because I'm mostly sick of seeing my folks being all lovey dovey infront of me. Now I have my sister doing it," he scrunches his face in disgust.

"No matter, soulmates make each other happy. I'm sure mine is no different." you rolled your eyes, "your soulmate would just spend the rest of their lives being rejected by your stubborn ass," you nudged his side, making him smile. "Oh shut up," he laughed.

"Have you done your homework, mister?" you raised your brow teasingly. His face contorted from disgust to shock, his eyes widening. "We have homework?"

On your sixteenth birthday, you couldn't be more excited. They say the moment you blow your candles, it will start to appear. Jaemin got his on his birthday since he was older, his frown evident everytime he looks at his wrist.

He would cover his mark up with a bracelet or a watch so he wouldn't have to look at it every moment of his life. 'He's still going strong with his distaste for soulmates, huh?' you thought as you stared at yourself at the mirror, preparing for your big day.

The people you love around you, your parents putting down your cake infront of you with candles in the shape of numbers brightly lit. Everyone clapping and singing a happy birthday song before ending it with you blowing your candles.

You felt the skin on your wrist fidget, looking down at your left wrist everyone came closer to see your tattoo. Ink began to appear on your skin, forming a familiar small red heart balloon flying in between two clouds, awing everyone in the room.

Your jaw dropped as your eyes widened at the mark. The ink had stopped appearing, leaving your wrist with a small odd feeling. Like a thin layered sticker sticking to your skin. You looked up at the people around you who gave you compliments at your mark.

Everyone was smiling and congratulating you, however, your parents and Jaemin's parents were'nt looking too bright at your mark. Jaemin was unconsciously holding onto his left wrist which was covered by his new watch.

"Dude, your tattoo looks so aesthetically pleasing."

"Your tattoo looks so cute, do you think you found your soulmate already?"

"I hope you find them soon!"

"Man, I can't wait til I'm 16. That shit looked amazing!"

"Wonder who your soulmate is"

Everyone's words blurred in your ears as your eyes subtly went to Jaemin who was talking to his friends in the corner with a drink in his hand. His eyes met yours before giving you a small half hearted smile. It wasn't genuine. You knew what he was going to say after this party was over.

You gazed at the mark on your left wrist, running your thumb over it gently. Your head deep in the clouds, ignoring the people around you.

"Hey." Jaemin mumbled awkwardly after the party ended, leaving your house empty with just you, Jaemin and both of your parents. "Hey," you replied, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie as you didn't know what to say to him.

"So. We're soulmates." he stated as if it wasn't the obvious. Your eyes went to his left wrist, seeing that he had taken his watch off, leaving the skin a bit red from how tight he put on the watch. The similar mark of a red heart balloon in between two clouds evident on his skin.

"I guess." you shrugged, hugging your pillow to your chest tightly, tightening your grip with every passing second. "Listen, I-" Jaemin spoke after a long excruciating moment of silence. He cut himself off with a deep inhale.

"You know how I feel bout soulmates more than anyone. And it still hasn't change. You know I don't want a soulmate, at least one that's chosen for me." he bit his lip nervously, eyes not meeting yours. You couldn't lie, it felt like a strong punch to your gut. "But, like," Jaemin scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "I don't want to lose you, my best friend, because of this silly stupid mark."

You furrowed your brows. 'He's your soulmate. You're fated to be together. He'll accept the fact soon, right? He just needs a little convincing.' you bit your lip. You were stubborn and you know it. You're gonna change his mind even if it's the last thing you do.

"So, can we just put this behind us-" Jaemin spoke softly before you cut him off. "No," you said in a bold tone, making him look at you wide confused eyes, brows furrowed. "What?" he mumbled.

You look up at him with determined eyes and a bright smile. "I know this isn't going to be easy but I'm going to do whatever it takes to convince you that deep down I know you feel something for me. Why? Cause we're soul mates and sooner or later you're going to accept that!" you huffed dramatically.

Jaemin started at you in disbelief, "don't try to talk me out of this. I'm just as stubborn as you are! I'm not stopping til you accept me as your soulmate," you put your hands on your hips, standing up to push him out of the room. "Wait what, Y/n-" he started as he stumbled to the exit of your room.

"Now get out, starting tomorrow I'm going to convince you. Therefore, I'll be needing tons and tons of rest. Just you wait, Na Jaemin. L/N Y/N is going to work hard for this!" you stuck your tongue out before slamming the door shut. You heard him sigh from the other side of the door before walking away half a minute later.

You leaned your back against the door in exhaustion, sliding down to sit down on the floor. Your smile turning to a quick frown as you ran a hand through your hair in frustration. This is going to be tough.

[hiddenclawsof]

aesthetic tag game

tagged by @yutopiada (one of my fav ptg writers out there still notices me to this day im emo--)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

(soft!) baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

(dark academia!) neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

(edgy!) closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humour | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

(seventies!) colourful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

(preppy casual!) collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

(by @masterninjacow!) rainy mornings | sweet steaming tea | cats’ purrs | daydreaming about fantasies | back hugs | glinting necklaces | loud video games | grumbling thunder | constantly chewing gum | wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear to bed | watching horror movies at night | nibbling on chocolates | talking to yourself | short hair | sad lofi music | messy sketches | sweet-scented body wash | spicy noodles at midnight | hating physical affection but craving it at the same time | ending all texts with lmao or rip

(by @cherriigguk!) dried flowers | painting at 2 am in oversized sweater | up until sunrise | abundance of blankets and plushies | minimalistic colours | writing when you can’t sleep | warm banana bread on a winters day | stroking a sleepy dog | big eyeliner | butterfly clips | lo-fi hip hop | glossy lips and rose tinted cheeks | afternoon tea with old friends | oversized cardigans | herbal tea | dainty jewellery | self-care evenings | messy low bun or ponytails | dark hair | too many sketchbooks |

(by @iniquitouspoppy!) cuddling with pets | collecting art | journaling at night | flower dresses | raccoon eyes | thunderstorms | listening to music in bed | gaming | anything (pastel) rainbow | jumpsuits | taking pictures with an old camera | pictures everywhere | spending time with friends until the sun goes down | being alone and loving it | being alone and hating it | reading in the train or bus | just reading all the time | biking everywhere | buying flowers | biting your lip | blue skies, white clouds | big tattoos | piercings | stargazing |

(by @sweetae-tae) zoning out when talking to someone | travelling with friends | concerts and music festivals | doing something just because it makes others happy | being happy when loved ones are happy | mom-friending everyone | buying new flowers you know nothing about | baking for others | trying out new things | listening to one song on repeat for hours | not being able to find one specific song to listen to | doing things to keep your mind busy | a cool breeze during warm days | staying up for “just one more episode” | wishing on dandelions | collecting four-leaf-clovers | dimples | contagious laughter | decorating your room with photos and postcards and posters | winter nights when it snows heavily

(by @actuallythatwaspromise) bookstores | pearl necklaces | wishing on the first star at night | messy room | tall lace up leather boots | never breaking the rules | thigh high socks | peppermint-mocha frappes year round | no jackets in winter | standing outside in the rain | the scent of pine | watch documentaries for fun | navy blue room | knitted Blankets | eyes that are multi-colored | cool morning mist | perfectly formed sentences | reading poetry to learn new words | swords with golden hilts | wish anklets on so long that you forgot what you wished for

(by @kodabodaa) all black everything | vampire-esque | sitting outside on quiet nights | winged eyeliner | fucked up sleep schedule | standing outside during a downpour | meme photo folder | tattoos | piercings | loves to make people flustered through flirting | first meal not till after midnight | looks like could kill | laying in bed all day | majorly independent | playlists for everything | prince zuko trash | could read you to filth | lack of emotions | once i love, i love hard | not afraid of really anything |

(by @seoultraveller) intense eye contact | deep discussion about passions | naked dance sessions alone in the bedroom | learning foreign language through poetry, song, and history | studying historical dynasties | not studying out of pure disinterest | nervous lip biting | patience | having one drink alone at a hotel bar | pancakes or waffles on a weekend morning | driving down an empty road towards a roadtrip destination | a tryst over the summer that turns into a romantic storytime | traveling to put your school knowledge to use | mellifluous speech | does not speak unless spoken to first | peppermint hot chocolate by the fireplace | wine on the balcony | unknown intensity | crying in bed at night |

(by @daybreakx) hot drinks in tall mugs | glitter eyeshadow | the sensation in your mouth from peppermint + cold | the scent of roses | red lips | talking to yourself in another language | old disney movies | unsolicited information dumps | messy handwriting | cold days with lots of wind | listening to a song you love in public | a playlist for driving even if the drive is 10 min long | heart skipping a beat from happiness | the feeling when a concert is about to start | crime shows | sarcasm | drinking coffee while waiting for your flight | horror stories | scented candles all over the place | daydreaming as an escape |

(by @thelilyshope) sliding on floors wearing fuzzy socks | tennis shoes with dresses | loves horror | making your own coffee | lost in thought while in nature | staring at the night sky | loves the sunrise but doesn’t like feeling tired | falling asleep while bear hugging a plush | the feeling of excitement when discovering a new place | mysteries in old places | learning through travels | slowly reading books | longing for the future | fashion you love but could never try | interested in many but passionate only for a few | warming up under blankets after playing in snow | turning fear into excitement | embarrassing others in public | trying on weird things at the mall for fun | the go-to comfort friend

(by @yutopiada) morning runs through the sleepy neighbourhood | cutting your hair on a whim | clothes that are too big | podcasts and breakfast | writing letters to yourself | the sound and feeling of pressing the keys of a keyboard | songs that remind you of a precise memory | wanting to be different | scared of being forgotten | procrastination | body hair positivity | having a collection of wired earbuds in case one of them breaks | saving empty notebooks because they’re too precious to write in | claiming things as yours by putting a sticker(s) on it | that artificial strawberries and cream flavour | it’s not dessert unless it’s chocolate | white trainers | big, chunky shoes | staring at paintings/artifacts in museums for too long | enjoying old architecture

(by @hiddenclawsof) walking at night to look for something interesting | collection of mystery/murder books | eyeshadow palettes that will not be used | highlighters | converse | not good at giving advises | vintage bracelets | old philosophical movies | peppermint | cries watching animals are being rescued | fidgets when thinking | instruments | typos | kaomoji | observes thoroughly | googles simple words just because | eyeglasses | black earrings | rain | strolling around the bookstore

@yunwoo, @wookikun , @hojinhoe (hi no pressure in doing this but if you want to do this you are welcome to do so ((: )

[spnfanficpond]

March 2020 Angel Fish Awards and Raffle

Send us the fics that make you wanna bathe in holy water, that make you sob into a pint of ice-cream, that make you squee and giggle like a schoolgirl. This is one of the best ways to shine light on the fics that are near and dear to your heart- the fics that you absolutely love that aren’t talked about enough- the fics that stop you in your tracks- the fics that deserve all the love in the world.

SOUL OR NO SOUL, IT’S EASY TO GET IN ON THE ANGEL FISH AWARDS AND SHARE SOME LOVE!

Not sure if you or the writer is in the Pond? No worries, just shoot us a message (@manawhaat or @mrswhozeewhatsis) or check out our registries and we’ll help you find out.

Does the fic have to be from this month? Nope! As long as they are a SPN Fanfic Pond member, you can nominate any (spn related) fic they’ve written.

How do I make a nomination? Easy! Simply send us a submission / ask /IM with the link to their fic (or title and author’s url) and a review of why it stood out to you. Tell us your favorite thing about it, about the author’s writing. Tell us why we need to read it and show your favorite authors some love. Any fic, old or new, is welcome and will be listed on our masterlist as long as the writer is a member of the pond.

*We kindly ask that you keep your noms to a max of 4 noms per author. If you really love that writer, great, but the point of these monthly ‘awards’ is to share the love, not make it a one person show.

Thanks, Management

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!

Nominate a fellow Pond member’s story and get yourself an entry into the raffle! Remember, every nomination is an entry, and you can nominate as many as you want! So, share the love, guys!!

Deadline for Angel Fish nominations is Midnight, PST on Tuesday, March 31st!

Details on prizes, how to enter, and how it all works below the cut!

To see the complete list of prizes and pictures of all of them, CLICK HERE to go to the prize post!

Every month, the winner gets an SPNFanFicPond journal from the CafePress shop! 

Along with this fabulous prize, the winner also gets to choose from this list of prizes:

The SPNFanFicPond shop over at CafePress has all kinds of items with our logo on it (logo designed by @revwinchester) that you can choose as a prize! T-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, totes, phone cases, keychains, baby clothes, duvet covers, throw pillows, shower curtains, hats, and even jammies and underwear!! Want a thong with our logo on it? YOU CAN GET THAT!!

Story Commission from @queen-of-deans-booty!! Have a request you want written by an awesome writer? Here’s your chance to commission one! If you choose this prize, you would negotiate the details like ships/reader insert, characters, and content, and we would pay the fee! Story is subject to the writer’s individual commission rules.

GISH box prizes!! One of our Big Fish, @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish, donated a whole box full of stuff that she got from GISH! All of these items are still in their original packaging where possible. - Unicorn Pool Floatie - GISH silly straw (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!) - GISH sock monkey hat - GISH Assbutt plushie - GISH tote bag - GISH flag - The Rebel’s Workbook - GISH sticker 3″  (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!) - GISH enamel pin 1″  (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!) - GISH merit badge  (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!) - GISH dice set  (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!) - GISH assbutt charm  (If you choose this prize, you can also choose another prize from the GISH box!)

Writer Emergency Pack (Click here for more info on this prize!)

The Writer’s Toolbox (Click here for more info on this prize!)

Aqua Notes - Waterproof notepad and pencil so you don’t forget ideas that hit you when you’re in the shower!

Vintage Enochian Pendant from Supernatural-Things.com

Supernatural charm bracelet from Supernatural-Things.com

8x10 season 4 promo print from CultureFly

8x10 art print (Dean/Castiel/Crowley) from CultureFly

9x12 art print (s4 Dean/Sam/snake) from CultureFly

9x12 art print (s14 promo pic Sam/Dean/Cas) from CultureFly

Gil McKinney’s (Henry Winchester) Christmas album (signed CD)

I wish for this enamel pin 1″

I wish for this t-shirt, size XL (Misha not included)

You Are Not Alone enamel pin 1″

What a great load of prizes!!

How To Enter:

All you have to do is submit a story by another Pond member for an Angel Fish Award, and you get an entry for the raffle! Each nomination equals one entry, and you can nominate as many stories as you want!

HERE’S THE SCOOP ON THE ANGEL FISH AWARDS, IN CASE YOU’RE NEW:

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

ANGEL FISH AWARDS ARE PEER-NOMINATED, WHICH MEANS ANY POND MEMBER CAN NOMINATE ANY OTHER POND MEMBER’S STORY!

AND REMEMBER, SUBMITTING FICS TO THE POND MAKES THEM SUPER-EASY FOR OTHER FISH TO FIND AND ENJOY!

If you have any questions about submitting nominations or prizes, send a message to either @manawhaat or @mrswhozeewhatsis​ and they’ll help you out!

[doodleimprovement]

And so, I manage to get my gift exchange done in time! 

@strangemischief, I’m your gifter for the IronStrange Exchange hosted by @ironstrangehaven! Your prompts were butterflies and feels, and while i’m not great at like, angst, i do fancy myself pretty good at fluff, so enjoy the art above, as well as the fic below! 

Ps i would like to preface this with the fact that i don’t write much shipping stuff so i apologize if this isn’t the best thing in the world im lowkey insecure about it anyway enjoy

Morpho peleides

Rating: Gen \ Warnings: a sickening amount of mushy feels\ Word Count: 1123 

Donna had always loved butterflies.

It had been her obsession as a toddler, and the love for the insect never really left. Shirts, blankets, stuffed animals, stickers, the whole lot.

She’d been wearing that damned butterfly bracelet when she died. It laid on his desk, on a small pillow. He kept it with him, even at the sanctum. A reminder. Little, semi precious butterflies.

And the motif followed him through life

One of the first things he ever conjured with his magic… was butterflies - all harsh angles and crystalline. He began to wonder if he would ever escape the multitudes.

Wong noted that the manifestation was deeply ingrained in himself, if his own magic formed as much. Strange acknowledged it, but never told Wong why specifically

It was both bothersome, and comforting.

When the battle with Thanos commenced, he knew how it would end. He knew the pain, both physical and mental that would be placed on all involved. He just had to push through, to turn the tide of the battle so that the one - in - 14 - million chance could at least have stronger odds. Any increase in those odds was a good increase, and as each attack and counter attack and movement lessened the likelihood of other realities, he saw that perhaps the win would come… at a price

And when Thanos attacked him, breaking the mirror dimension and sending it back to him, he turned it into butterflies.

Always, always butterflies. Gentle and fluttering and blue.

He lay defeated, and gives up the time stone. There is a brief time of rest.. And then… dust

As he looked Tony (Not Stark anymore, just Tony) and told him there was no other way, he faded, feeling light in a sickening way.

-

Butterflies danced in his vision when he woke

The universe, saved, the “snap” reversed.

He stared as he watched the young Spider-Man come together, and trembled like a leaf in the wind at his own reconstruction. The cloak moved to comfort the boy at Stephens request, and the sorcerer shut his eyes.

He was still seeing butterflies.

When a ship landed nearby, and Iron Man - no, Tony, just Tony - ran out, pulling Parker into his arms with a quip Strange couldn’t actually hear. His eyes opened to the sight of a hug that would pull at anyone’s heartstrings. Stark was dressed almost alarmingly casually.

He turned to Strange.

“... You’re a real bastard, you know that?”

Stephen fought off the urge to laugh. 14 million outcomes, 14 million lifetimes, and he’d come to … care deeply… for the man of iron.

“But we won, didn’t we?” He responded, only offering a smirk

Tony kept one arm on Peter’s shoulders, but his eyes on Stephen “I won, you were gathering up on a shelf somewhere”

His dark eyes warmed the sorcerer down to his core, and he could feel the flutter in his stomach.

That certainly wasn’t good… was it?

-

The return to earth was a muted affair. He reunited with Wong and he returned to his life - with occasional visits from a spider boy who either couldn’t take a hint or didn’t want to

(It didn’t help that the cloak had developed a sweet spot for him… or that he had softened to the boy as well. But that was neither here nor there)

He was getting more regular visits from New York’s favorite Billionaire Philanthropist.

They talked, and they talked, and they stared into each others eyes.

Butterflies, butterflies, butterflies.

Unrequited, invasive butterflies.

And then, one evening, over tea, his hand his held. Gently… so, so gently.

“.... Tell me something, Strange”

“... Yes?”

“... If I kissed you, right now,” Tony asked “What would you do?”

Strange stared back, reading Stark’s expression before leaning in “What would you want me to do, Anthony?”

“... Don’t answer my question with a question, asshole”

Stephen smirked “Find out your answer, then”

And by the Vishanti, he did.

When their lips parted, there was a spark of magic, an accident

Gentle, baby blue butterflies.

Stephen chuckled. Tony looked almost bewildered.

“Butterflies?”

One of the translucent beings flickered and landed on their joined hands, creating a tingling feeling through both of their hands and up their forearms.

“Heh, my magic has a tendency to manifest like that” Stephen explained quietly, recalling why within his contemplation.

“... Any reason?” Tony asked, quietly.

Stephen looked up at the man he just kissed, whose eyes seemed softer.

Was he really doing this? Really going to finally tell someone, anyone what the butterflies meant? Why they were everywhere?

No, he wasn’t telling just anyone. He was telling Tony Stark. A man he fell hopelessly, madly in love with well over several lifetimes ago.

“... Donna loved them”

“.... Donna?”

-

It was not a seamless change - adding Tony to his life and Tony making room in his own, that is. But they managed, they thrived, they lived. 

And, some time later, bathed in gentle hues of a rising sun on the Atlantic, they said their vows in a private ceremony. Stephen wore his sisters bracelet on his hand (his wrist too big for the petite jewelry). They kissed - all love and promises and gentle affection.

And my god, the butterflies.

They’d erupted from him, landing wherever, and eliciting a slight, amusing yelp from Peter - one of the 5 witnesses to this event.

Stephen looked down at his slightly shorter husband - his husband, wow - who was covered in the pale, glowing blue magic and grinning from ear to ear.

“Is this going to happen every time we kiss, Mister Stark- Strange?”

“By the Vishanti, i hope not” Wong grumbled from the sidelines, eliciting a laugh from the pair, and another kiss.

“Okay buds, time to bust this Popsicle stand!” Tony announced “Party happens in 2 hours and I want time to rub my marriage in the media’s face before Stephen and I straight up disappear for a month”

Christine and Pepper both rolled their eyes with big grins on their faces, and Rhodey just laughed, ushering everyone to the door “Can’t wait to see that in the mags, Tones” the Colonel commented as they left the rooftop

“Oh lord above” Stephen huffed, remembering just then that they would be facing paparazzi

“Ready, Stephanie?” Tony asked, half joking, half serious.

“With you by my side? Always” He snuck just one more kiss “Lets go”

Tony grinned, gently brushing off a remaining butterfly, which flew off for a few seconds before fading. He intertwined their hands, deliberately and gently holding the hand with Donna’s bracelet.

“Lets give ‘em a show” Tony encouraged. Stephen just nodded, raising his head up high.

Life could throw what it wished at him now. He could handle it

They both could handle it. Together

He found himself quite fond of the fluttering in his stomach, this time around.

[jeongjaehyuns]

if you dont mind, can i ask how or what do you do to get them? like where do you go and how are you able to get them? im going to be in korea during some of the members birthdays so i want to try and get them!

hi! so for the sm birthday bracelets, sm sells them at the sum stores in three different locations which are at the coex building, the ddp location and the sm cc building! there’s about 300 bracelets that are released for each artist and they all get distributed at each store! though from what i’ve heard and seen, coex gets the most and the other two get a smaller amount! they’re based off a first come first serve deal so once they run out, they’re completely out! 

if you want to buy them, just make sure you go wait in line super early at any of the three locations! the bracelets really are in high demand over here and depending on the popularity level of the member, just be sure to do some research as to what time you should be lining up for them. queuing time for the bracelets can range from like 20 hours to 5 hours before the store opens! (i had to wait 17 hours for jaehyun’s bracelet rip) as a general tip, i would just be prepared to wait at the very least about 8 hours for them! once it reaches an hour before the store opens, the staff will give you a sticker/label to put on your hands and then they’ll walk the first batch in as groups of two and then when the store opens, you’ll line up near the front desk and then when it’s your turn, just let them know you want to buy the birthday bracelets! after you finish purchasing them, they’ll stamp the sticker they put on your hand earlier so don’t lose the label! 

and remember you’re only limited to buying two bracelets! one silver and one rose gold! ^^ 

[yoshi4sushi]

(purupurupuru) (purupurupuru) (click!) (coo!) (coo!)

 HOWDY-HO, NAKAMAS! Happy Monday! Hope everyone had a good weekend. Before we start off, there’s terrifying news about the 5.2 quake magnitude in Osaka so due to that, all places are closed until further notice so if you’re heading there for visit, please keep yourself updated of travel safety news. W/o further notice, let’s get down to business. We have loads and loads of news to share with you so know the drill. First off, last week’s chapter calmed down a bit. Princess Mansherry was kind enough to heal Shirahoshi’s injuries so all is good. King Neptune thanked Myosgard for saving her life so he’s willing to make peace with this meet. Myosgard assured him that he will support him in any way he can and even allowed Leo and his crew that they’re given permission to beat up anyway celestial dragon with his permission. Well said chum! The paramedics arrived and took Saint Charlos to get his injury treated. His scum dad showed to see him hurt. He got a new slave, and sadly, it was Kuma. He get stabbed and beat up by the scumbag w/o begging for help. There’s an unexpected guest that snuck in Mariejois. It was Bonney in disguised as a royal member. What could she planning to do? Meanwhile in a secret underground tunnel, Sabo and the rest of the revolutionary commanders are lying in wait. Sabo is impatient and wants to rescue Kuma from the scumbag, but Karasu and Betty told him that it’s better to wait until the right time comes. It was revealed that Kuma was once a king of his own country before he gave into the control of the world gov’t. What a shocker! A king? At the end, the five elders were talking about the kingdoms and that Vivi’s family are the only ones that w/drew from being celestial dragons so fears that they could be a threat. They arrived at the empty throne only to see someone is sitting on it. The mysterious figure that had Luffy’s bounty poster. The elders kneel before this figure and called him or her, Im-san. Who is this high royal figure? Is this highest authority person above the elders? Guess we’ll know more next week. No chapter this week so be patient and wait. Next, this past weekend’s episode was SCARY! One after another keeps going after Ceasar and Bege, but Germa are doing their best to keep them away from so they can escape over the wall. Suddenly, Luffy and Sanji appeared and saved Reiju from Big Mom’s attack. As they try to escape, Big Mom provokes Luffy for being a coward of running from the fight so he couldn’t handle her taunting and attacked her in full power with gear 4th, but ran out of steam. At the end, the boys are down and in a tight situation. Next time, Luffy, Sanji, and Germa are down for the county until the castle starts tumbling down from an unknown explosion. What caused it? Guess we’ll see this week. Don’t miss it! Now on with the goods! Look who dropped by for a quick visit! Yup, it’s our fellow tower mascot, Tongari-san! What’s the buzz, my friend? Tongari-san says that lots of awesome stuff is gonna happen next month for the summer pirates festival! First off, they’ll have 3 fun games. Each play is 800 yen. If you succeed to win the games, you’ll be given an official Straw Hat water smartphone pouch that keeps your phone safe. For snack, they’ll be selling a bucket of cotton candy with many flavors such as blue raspberry, yellow lemon, pink peach, green apple, purple grape, white candy, and red strawberry. Loads of yummy flavors. It costs 600 yen. The tower will also be inviting the Straw Hats, Sabo, Law & Bepo, Ann, the clown duo, Buggy and Puggy for a photo greet. At night, they’ll pair Luffy with Sabo or Law as well. You have to be given a ticket if you want get your photo. It’s first come first serve so you have to be at the tower early if you wanna get your ticket before they run out. For July, they’ll have the Straw Hats, Sabo, and Law. Their schedule has been posted on the website. In August, they’ll have Ann, Buggy, and Puggy. Their schedule will be posted later on. Next, shopping goods! They’ll be selling official summer goods such as buttons, acrylic charms/figurines, a candy bag, a ticket holder, and a folder. So much awesome goods! The 3rd floor have also re-stocked more of the character goody bags that comes with a long towel, glow in the dark bracelet, and button set. You have to be inside the tower to purchase them. They have it at the Tongari Island Store. You can’t miss it. Next, prizes! Loads of prizes! The new Ichiban Kuji will be released on OP day which is on July 22nd. Prize A through E are figurines of Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, and Ace. Prize are mugs, prize G are picture boards of any characters, the special board prize are Luffy & the boys. Prize H are mini plates. They’ll have it available at Straw Hat Stores, Tokyo Tower, and hobby stores. Next, Gashapon machines will be stocking these figurines of Pudding, Nami, and Hancock in their bikinis. It will be released early August. Next, arcades will stock this new Flag & Diamond Ship of Reiju in her alluring black leather outfit. YOWZA! Get those coins ready to win this diva! Moving on, NEW, MUGI MUGI PLUSHIES! This time, they’ll have Sanji and Pudding in their wedding outfits, and the Germa siblings! They’ll be released in early Aug. I believe. Next, Straw Hat stores will be selling these authentic summer kimonos outfits and wooden sandals that are worn by Luffy, Nami, Zoro, Sanji, & Chopper in the colorspread for boys and girls. Each are sold separately. Next, guess whose b-day is approaching next month? I’ll give you a hint: she’s expensive, gorgeous, and feisty. You got it, it’s none other than cute cat burglar, Nami-swan! Her b-day is on July 3rd. To celebrate her b-day, Straw Hat Stores will be selling her birthday button and bromide frame pic. If you purchase over 1000 yen, you’ll get a free bromide card of her enjoying pampering from the cats. Next, awesome JUMP goods have been released such as this t-shirt of chibi Straw Hats in the front and back, and this colorful shirt of the Straw Hats & other characters in kid versions. Stores are also selling this small pin of Luffy that Bartolomeo was trying to sell to some local from the chapter stories. It’s so small as the size of a one yen coin. Very cute! Next, Straw Hat stores will be selling these fun summer straps of Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, and Nami playing with their water guns. They’re also selling this fan of the gang in their army outfits. Last week, the stores released this stylish hard notebook of Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, and Law. Good for writing notes. Next, stores are also selling this neat tote purse of Lucci as an addition of his birthday merch. Tokyo Tower will also have it as well. Moving on, Hong Kong will be having an OP Summer Park as well. Details will be revealed later but it will start next month until last day of Aug. Next, Shimamura Music Store will be selling Brook’s pricey shark guitar. Everything is exactly the same from the anime. You must live w/in the country to have it shipped. You can also purchase it and have it mailed to a friend or relative that lives in Japan. ROCK ON! Next, FC Tokyo Team will be having an OP event from the upcoming special episode of Skypiea. The team will face off against the Yokohama F Marines. They’ll release a special video message from Luffy at the soccer game. They’ll also have a quiz game for kids and student to enjoy. The game will be held at Ajinomoto stadium at Chofu, Tokyo area. You can check out their official page. It’s also in English and has info on access. Also, Chopper will joining the event & will have a meet and greet event. GAME ON! Ticket reservations will start this Friday. Look into their Japanese page for the info. Next, this Wednesday, Tondoco brand will be having an OP collaboration so they’ll release merch they’ll be selling at the store. You can follow their Twitter page. Next, last week, new LINE stickers have released of the Straw Hats and in-motion with cute phrases. It’s available in English as well so you can purchase it. Last, but not least, here’s the new cover of vol.11 of Whole Cake Island arc that has Brook rocking his soul!!! You can order the DVD on the Japanese site of Amazon. PHEW! I think that’s about everything. Tune in next week for more news and goods. Special thanks to Tongari-san. Come again, nakama. Kikko! Momon! Outstanding job! Let’s call it in.

 Guitar: http://store.shimamura.co.jp/shop/g/gmt0048322/

[thejourneyblog]

Day 1 in a mental inpatient hospital:

11/25/17

I didn't see this coming. I mean I did a few times but I was usually able

to get back on my feet. But I don't even know what happened, that day,

yesterday. I had cracked. Over something small. I gave up. I realized I

didn't want to do it anymore. Live. Watch funny youtube videos, laugh

with friends, follow my dreams, run adult errands, write poetry. I'm

amazed I'm writing this at all right now. And this was such a deep

bottomless feeling out of no where that I had a panic attack.

I could not stop. I started spinning out. I couldn't stop crying all day or hyperventilating.

I was out to pick up a desk that I never picked up because they were all out.

So I went back to my drive way and tried to figure out how I could come back

to my senses. Maybe I should eat, play a game, walk my dog, rest, go to my

bffs house.. but I was repulsed by every idea. I didn't want to go back to living.

I tried to think about something that could make me happy. But I didn't want anything...

anymore and that is when I couldn't return. I was so scared. I didn't know what

was happpening. Nothing calmed me down. I didnt know what I was supposed to

do. do I run away? What would be the easiest way to die. But I didnt have the energy

to even do those. Then I rememberes, theres a hotline.

I wasn't able to talk much since I was trying to stop hyperventilating. But the responder was smart. She asked questions slowly and paced. We talked for an hour and I told her that I wanted to

donate all of my organs somewhere and that I was done. She helped me get to an ER

to get help. At that point I looked like I had been to 10 funerals and was scaring

everyone. My eyes still hadnt stopped crying. They assigned a nurse to stay at my side

at all times. Probably because I kept saying “IDK” when they asked if I was a danger

to myself. I was in the ER for 4 hours sleeping and crying as they put stickers on

my boobs and took blood and urine samples. I finally decided to answer my sisters

calls and she told me she loved me and that I was perfect. And I was so upset with

the universe at that moment. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kept trying to make normal decisions, see if there was still some way out of this.

Back to old me. Sane me. But I couldnt. I was done.

Finally they told me about a wonderful place where we do group/art/single therapy sessions and I was admitted.They wheeled me to a room with security gaurds to collect my belongings and scan

me for metal. A nice lady asked me about my thanksgiving while she took me to the

mental health floor. I sat in the hallway while I waited for a nurse to bring me to my

room, with bare feet which didn't bother me. “Shame on INOVA” A nurse yelled giving

me socks and dinner. In the dining room I met some of the other patients right away. Watching tv and having their dinner. Fish with rice and sweet potato and cranberry juice. The fish

was great. I traded my brownie for a raspberry foam thing the other girl wanted. I

didn't care. I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't have a need to. After eating, I was showed to

my room. I didn't see a tv. That was disappointing. I wanted my phone back. But not really.

I thought I'd just sleep and cry some more. But then a girl appeared.

Sibila

“Hi!”

I jumped “hi”

“Are you new here! Let me show you around”

I agreed surprisingly.

“She showed me all the rooms, the game room, the lounge, kitchen, dining, snack room (locked)

Art room (also locked), pay phones, tv room and her room.

She gave me jolly ranchers and seemed super happy. So I did not under stand

why she was here. After that I went back to my room.

But she popped back up.

“My mom brought gyros! Lets eat!”

She dragged me to the kitchen and got me some coffee.

The coffee was perfect. Just what I needed. Which I proceeded to chug black for the next few days,

though it did not increase my energy what so ever.

Her mom was really sweet. Reminded me of my mom:

“sleep helps with depression”

yet I sleep like a baby

I tried to go back to my room but sibila was one step ahead of me

“Art class is starting!”

Art Class

Sibila picked a table in the corner for Victoria and I. A college looking girl with

the same circle as the rest of us, but sweet. But this place was no ordinary art class.

This place looked like a fukin AC Moore. There were lots of templates and wood crafts we could decorate. I didn't feel like doing much so I chose stained glass. I was the quickest

one in the group. The only one to finish a project. It would just give me anxiety to leave

something unfinished. After that we went to the end of the hall and sang pop songs for the rest of

the night. I joined along. Her spirit was so infectious. I tried not to be so low. But when we were alone

eating graham crackers I couldn't help it

“I dont want to live anymore. I cant”

She gave me a pat and scrambled. That was the end of that.

I slept with the lights on that night.

I remember

(hours before admission)

As I was trying to calm down about my problems

Inner voice: your sister will be okay, you just have to

Me: shut up ( monotone)

just stop

I dont want you to fix this

I dont want anything anymore

Im done

Voice: thats not true

Me: maybe I just need to run away for a bit. Take a long vacation

V: nothing will be here when you get back

Me: shhhh

I told you

I dont care

Im sure this has been an interesting study in human defeat

that is all

Break fast

was awful. Watery scrambled eggs. Super moist muffin. Potatoes were decent. Atleast I got to talk to vikki. Shes actually a lot more normal than I thought. Just some mild postpartum psychosis. But it seems like a lot of people come here to get back on track.. I don't know what I want... but I still don't want to go back. To anything. So thats not good..

The Characters

There are surprisingly not many people here. So far everyone has been super inviting and made me feel welcomed. There are the nurses who sit at a desk blocking the elevators. The whiteboard with each hall wing class schedule like school.

People I've met so far:

-Frail lady with a blanket shawl

-The angry boy always yelling at his mom on the phone with an ice pack on his head

- the pregnant lady who loves everyone

-The cute guys who thinks hes a celebrity

-the cute guy who doesn't talk

Sibila of course and our trio Vikki <3

and my room mate who sleeps all day, Doris.

I don't blame her

How are you?

A different nurse or doctor asks every 2 hours

I don't mean to be rude but I'm not going to answer that

I will gladly talk to a therapist about it. I could actually

really use that right about now.

But currently the outcome is uncertain

FOR SOME REASONFSJAODNASODSDMKA

Coping mechanism sheet

Take a time out in room – I slept with the lights on

imagine myself at the beach- no

talk with a peer- call Roslyn

write in journal

write a list of my strengths

write a letter

call a family member

have some tea or coffee

exercise

stretch

stress balls

draw

soft music- not helpfuldnjsadsnadjasdomk

play a game- boring/no energy

tv room – too bright/uncomfortable chairs

meditate-makes me angry

talk with your therapist-where?

Read- ummmmm

count to 10-NO

positive thoughts-try again

walk-what else is there to do

write a schedule for week after discharged- already have a schedule?

Comb hair/freshen up- sibila made me shower

My room mate

Doris has become a bit more talkative. She has the sweetest voice.

She invited me to bingo but I was still knocked out by the meds. She seems

worried about me. After I told the nurse I didn't want to live she asked to switch rooms.

Probably a coincidence.

The head poppers

: Nurses or doctors who pop their head from behind your curtain for a split second

to see where you are like a weirdo

every                     fucking                  hour

Bathrooms

are a fucking joke. Island printed yoga mats with Velcro make up for the doors.

Meaning you can smell and hear everything. One time I walked in on a full toilet.

I thought it was rude until I flushed and realized I probably woke up my room mate.

Oh well

The Bands

Wrist bands, we all wear. Get scanned about 15 times a day. For what? There aren't that many of us. They do it every time we go to a class, have a meal, need meds, get our vitals checked. I just ripped

mine off today because it is so uncomfortable and now all they do is ask for my name.

The more you know

How are you: Update

Today I yelled: “BAAAAAAADDDD jesus...”

but atleast he finally asked something different

“Do you have anything to live for”

“Yes, but I don't care”

I should probably stop acting like this. I think its triggering doris

Sibila made me a belated birthday card. It was super random, but also the sweetest

most important thing right now.

Lights

Ive been sleeping with them on every night so far. She likes them off but hasnt

said anything about it. Im just surprised the nurses allow it. I dont know why I do it.

I just sleep better. But maybe for tonight, just for doris, Ill turn them off.

Strengths

Believing in things I can not do

Visits

Mom brought me some fresh clothes and friends brought me candy

I managed to change into a fresh top and leggings and started to feel a bit better.

Might attend group tonight.

Update: group was boring and unhelpful

Doris

Apparently hates me

Fights

Atleast when you fight with someone here, they forget, and you can be friends again

The Suitcase

Today in art class I chose a wooden project. A suitcase. I decorated it like the night sky since stars calm me. Inside I placed a folded piece of fabric and some bead charms that would represent everything I would leave behind if I go:

Sunflowers- My family and friends

Stars and moon- nature

Korean symbols- knowledge

Buddhist hand- my wonders for the universe

teddy bear- my future possibilities

gold bracelet- material loves

Spiral- myself

blue diamond- hope

totem- values

colorful ball- passions

I still could not feel anything about it but I hope this is the old me trying to tell me something

Sibila

Has an eating disorder. She gave me a paper of her schedule and every hour said diet underneath

I notice that she doesn't really eat. Unless her mom brings her something.

Quotes

When you are a child, you have hopes and dreams of everything you want your future to be.

When you get older, you have plans for what you think will make you happy: A home, a job, love. But we all know that the future is unpredictable. We are not supposed to know what is going to happen anyways. Because if we did, that would be boring, or scarier, if possible. But you see, I had a moment, where I could see where my future was heading, and it was horrifying, and I just.. gave up.

Something positive

I decided to read the quotes in the dining hall.

“maybe the biggest opportunity is where you are standing right now”

A letter

Dear world,

I dont know if there is anything you could have done to prevent this outcome.  You didnt do anything that great or that horrible to me. None that I can think of at this moment

that I care to blame anything on. You just did, you just are. And we just live. And we just die.

But to my understandning,

ive enjoyed the beauties

and the perfect uglies

and im good

so lets wrap this up. Some might think I should be stronger

but nope. Its my choice.

Everyone here

says the same things

“when can I leave”

“gimme my stuff back”

Nurse james

is really fucking cute

I think he likes me because

he took my vitals even though mine was already taken today

did not object

Update: Never mind. All the nurses do this.

Doris

Likes old british rock music

Look up “the smiths”

Limbo

This morning I woke up and did not know anything. I did not know who I was or where I was

I had not a single thought. I felt like a newborn baby. I had forgotten that I was alive, ever alive,

or that there was even a life to live.

This did not break my heart as much as it should have.

And you want to know what happened next?

I got out of bed and used the bathroom when a nurse walked in and saw my face

and seemed annoyed at my unwelcoming presence

“Are you ever happy! Smile! You are beautiful and will be out of here in no time!”

My room mate applauded and agreed.

Hello

My name is priscilla and I am suicidal. I still can not imagine myself outside of this place. Even though I do not want to be here for long. Every time I try to tell myself that I owe my mom and sis, that I need to work harder, itll be okay, try to find love, I have to stop. Those things usually motivate me. But everyting short circuits me right now, and I do not know why.

I said good bye

On the last day, I decided to go to group

There was a young teacher asking ice breaker questions and only a few people this time. The old man who hears voices, Doris, Indian girl with translator, Taiwanese man with translator and me. I talked about my dad. That out of anything, the only thing that hurt or really mattered, was him not being there. I was the only one who cried that session. I left on good terms though. I wanted to talk and I finally got to. I thanked her genuinely. I left a note for nurse james. I said goodbye to cute billy, the one who talks to celebrities. Sibila, vikki and I got discharged together and we are now friends. The last days have felt like months and I can still taste the watery eggs, which I only tried once. But at least the worst is over.  

[somberthoughtsseldomeffort]

Going through all my text quotes and you can see when i slowly fall out of love.. hahah  I literally haven’t been this happy in the longest time ever. I haven’t written in my book since the feelings were mutual. He makes me so happy without even trying and its the lamest feeling in the entire world. It sucks that it only took him 2 years to finally admit to liking me, or that it took me 5 months of talking to him for me to realize that i liked him back. He wasnt exactly my type, but darling did he steal my affection in a heartbeat. Finally, someone who liked me for me and not for what i can offer, someone who would rather just watch netflix with me in bed than do something like go out on an expensive date. Someone who will just hold me in his arms while im having a bad day and just reassure me that everything will be fine. It just sucks that you have to be leaving tomorrow and that i dont even get to see you leave. I really, really like you.    And i think ill tell you that before you go, and it will be the lamest thing that i have ever done in my 18 years of life. Cause darling, you are the only exception. -Feb 14th,2014  I remember I wrote this poem about not being able to take a place in the scoreboard of affection. Well look at me now, in first place with a really sweet guy. - Mar 7th,2014 I am so conflicted with what I want to do with this “relationship”. I know for a fact I’m thinking too hard about it and it’s driving me practically insane. And this is probably I stay away from relationships all together or why I stray away from ties with people in general. I really like him and I am aware of it now, I want to get to know him more and just see if we’re just as compatible as I’d like us to be. I don’t want to push my ideals on him or his on me cause that’s not the type of relationship that I am looking for. I have the utmost respect towards military wives or girlfriends. I can’t even handle bootcamp yet alone the rest of his life… Do I escape while I can or do I stay because I enjoy his company. - Mar 18th,2014

You know what I hate the most? I hate that I brought him into a room I sleep in. I let him linger in a place I spend all of my time in. There isn’t a second that goes by where I am not reminded of his existence. I can’t lay in my bed with peace of mind like I used to be able to. Fuck - Mar 20th.2014  10 more days till Gerik comes back, 10 more days till everything is sorted out. 10 more days til ughhh,, idk . Gosh darn it i miss him -  May 13th,2014 It will seriously be the most fucked up thing if you notice me now. I was hanging around you since my sophomore year of high school and liked you for a while. But now that we’re in college and i have found myself in a obscure relationship you wanna come down and be like “ hey these are my views on relationships and they match yours, wow, you are like totally the type of girl im looking for why didnt i notice this sooner.” I will dick slap you so hard its going to leave an imprint on your face.- May 15th,2014

i am beyond myself, honestly with this whole significant other thing. Feelings really shouldnt be this difficult to figure out. I mean they are MY feelings i should be able to tell what they want. A hug would be nice right now even a pat on the head or something. I feel so uneasy honestly . - Nov 4th,2014 

And he left, and this time between us was honestly nothing more than that. I knew i needed to end things with Gerik, but honestly I did not expect it to hurt this much. I dont need a man in my life who’s idea of a joke would be to say hes going to hit on other girls including my friends and then cal me sensitive after i get upset. I dont need a man in my life who will let me get hit and be okay with it even if he thought we were “playing”. I dont need a man who wont be clear on what he wants to do with me and what we are after a year has passed. I do not need someone who will let me be sad and not really talk to me about it. I do not need someone who will let me be all emotionally scorn day in and day out and tell me to “get over it”. I do like Gerik though. I liked the way hed laugh at my jokes and how he would only be ticklish in one spot. Id like the way hed hug me and made me feel like being in his arms were where i would be the safest. I liked it when he would do all these things and not al all. I hate that he is in the Marines. Im happy i did not give him my virginity and that we did not emotionally connect with one another otherwise  this would have been harder than it is right now. But i swear to God if anyone ever says that I, “never cared” or that “shes a bitch for breaking up with you” fuck you. Cause i would have never stayed for a year and not tried to make things work. I should not have to justify why i was not happy with someone. I liked gerik, but i could not like him more than this. For this relationship was not a healthy one. - Jan 2nd,2015

if you really think that I broke up with him because of you and not out of my own happiness than you are crazy. - Jan 3rd,2015

So here is the ordeal, as most may not care or be concerned about my love life, I am torn between sticking with whats available and waiting for something better. I literally spent a year and some days with a boy who i honestly wasnt sure if he liked me or need me. Or wanted to like someone and needed someone. I ended with someone i missed but knew wasnt good for me. Then I was turned to a wonderful boy who, quicker than most, basically professed and undying admiration  with me and literally wanted everything that i offered. He unfortunately is active military and I have lost total communication with him. I am not sure how he is doing or if his interest in me died. Then i meet this older guy, i actually met him on new years this year but i didnt really think much of him, but apparently he thought something of me. Then he added me on facebook and then we started talking and then we met again in person at a show and then again and my best friends birthday. We, i gues you could say, kinda hooked up but not really. (i am 100% still a virgin…) And i am not sure if i want to advacne with this guy. He is a very nice and respectable guy . he would not do anything that i was not comfortable with. He is kind and considerate. But he honestly is not someone i could see myself with in the far future but then again i just met him. And I still kind of like the boy who i lost contact with. I am single and young I have a lot of choices in life but i dont think i make the right ones. Ughhhhhh relationships with people suck honestly…. help what the hell do i do?! -Mar 8th,2015 

This would just be my freaking luck, He would come back. He would come back when I was literally to give up all hope of him. I pray and hope he remembers me but at the same time i hope that he doesnt approch me and doesnt make my life that much harder. I cant choose and i dont like having options. I dont like having to think about who i would be better off with or who i actually like. I can stand being so indecisive. At the same time I miss him so much… UGggggggHHHH - Apr 25,2015 

I cant wait till novemember, Im going to be planning a trip to california to see my boyfriend. I know im pretty excited for something that is going to happen like 4 months from now. But itd be the only vacation id have fro a while. Ill get to spoil his hass and take him to six flags and I get to do lame couple things. What i really want to do is get thous leather engraved bracelets. That would make me the happiest soul. Haha and I also get to look forward to the Marine Corps Ball, I never got to go to prom so its kinda like the same thing right?? I can not wait, so excited.  - Jul 22,2015 

It kinda terrifies me in a way how much of a minor change I noticed in me. And im talking into terms as far as my relationship goes with Gerik. Its not a bad change its actually pretty good to be honest. I feel a lot more peaceful and its kinda sad that I was not able to reach this level of happiness by myself. The only reason it probably took me so long to like someone was because I felt like I should love myself first. I still admit to not loving myself but im sure a lot of people share that common problem.

    He doesnt let me be sad by myself and I really cant seem to lie to him. I sure dont tell him everything yea, but if her were to ask id say everything. I dont know he makes me happy and probably upsets me the most at the same time. I feel like hes too good to be true cause I’ve never met someone who has been as patient with me as he has been. I may doubt him from time to times cause sometimes i just dont believe someone could actually like me. Cause lets be honest. Im a pretty shitty person inside and out. But he never fails to reassure me in many ways. Hes a wonderful boyfriend and I cant wait to see him in November. Idk I just feel like he made me a lot more forgiving and kinder to myself. I would usually sulk about a lot of things but he makes them minor i dont know how to explain it but hes a great guy. - Aug 8th,2015 

My boyfriend is simple, and a lot of boys and girls are these days. I for one and not one of them. Im like a rubics cube that someone switched the stickers on. He’s the type of person who says things once meaning if he really misses me and wants to explain it he will only tell me once. Thats all he thinks he needs to say. But in my head I feel like if I am not reminded that I am wanted and loved I’ll feel like he doesnt like me anymore. I dont know yes I need affection but I also dont want to be smothered. I dont know. Im just kinda irritated with myself in all honesty. Just because he doest tell me everyday that he still loves me as much as he wants to make me think he does, i start to think he doesnt fancy me anymore. I just feel life I annoy him so much with how needy I am. I just dont date well.  A lot of the times i feel like i like him so much more than he likes me idk. Im a hopeless cause.  - Aug 19th,2015 

I feel like he’s slowly getting tired of me. Maybe I’m getting tired of myself I don’t know. But whatever this feeling is I don’t like it - Aug 22nd,2015 

I am always stuck between wanting Gerik to get enough sleep for work and also wanting to be selfish and talk to him all night. It really sucks that my first relationship is long distance. Im usually pretty level headed till I hang out with friends and end up being a third wheel. I love how excited I get when I see him but I also get really sad when I haven’t had enough of him. Does that make sense? I’m literally counting down the days till the next time I get to see him and they feel like forever. I just want to hug him like really just feel the warmth and the security his arms give me. I’m being really extra tonight cause he had to be awake at 7am and I only got to take to him for about 30 minutes. That sounds like a lot but I’m a needy person who wants his attention. I miss him so much :( - Oct 27th,2015 

Its annoying, well I guess in annoying. Its like I always want to be honest with the way I feel. I just can’t do it all the time. Okay, so when you’re upset or start getting upset there is something making you feel that way. My problem is, if I’m being too sensitive or if I am justified for being upset. At times I catch myself getting upset for things that are either out of my control or out of the other parties control. So I keep it to myself its not their problem. However when it comes to Gerik I feel like I over react all the time and I can’t tell if I’m just a fucking baby or I’m right to be angry. I think I annoy him all the time and that he doesn’t really care about the things I say or do. I don’t know, ugh. Like yesterday night we were talking and usually we pause during conversation cause we don’t really have much to say so he hung up assuming I was asleep I called him back and he was answered kinda sounding pissed off and he was like “what!” And I asked him if that was me or him, that hung up, and he said that it was him and kinda asked why I called him back and groaned about it. So yeah I got upset and I said “I get it you’re tired I’ll hang up now it’s fine, good night. ” he stopped me from hanging up and he was like “what’s wrong, its okay if we still talk.” I said not everything is fine good night. But he insisted it was okay but it kinda got awkward so i just told him to hang up. I don’t know so I kinda just stopped talking to him to collect my thoughts idk. - Nov 2,2015 

Honestly, leaving San Diego was the hardest thing that I did. I have no idea what came over me but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend , I didn’t want him to get up that morning to get ready for duty. As I was saying goodbye I literally started to cry and I kept on crying an hour into my drive to Vegas. I didn’t let him see my tears cause I’m a G, but they were sure there when he wasn’t looking. He leaves me all the time and I never cried. The two years of if I’ll see him or he’s only here for 2 days then gone for 5 months. I never once cried beside that one time. I love him so, so, much and its kinda scary. He tells me his room still smells like me when he goes in there. Its so funny cause all I did was sleep in his bed. But it makes me sorta happy. I really should have stole one of his shirts. God, I miss him so much. I didn’t know I’m such a baby. Ha. - Nov 17th,2015 

Let me be the first one to tell you how much better I feel as a person now that I am no longer with Gerik. You know, it took me a while to realize that he really wasn’t the one for me. It took me almost 2 years and some odd months. I had to stop making up excuses for him. The excuses that this is his first relationship and that he doesn’t understand me as a person and that he’ll learn with time ya know? Well he never did, no matter if I cried to him or if I talked to him. In the end it’s just be that I’m the crazy one or that it’s my fault. Never once did I remember him taking the blame for anything. Not that it was always his fault but the fact that he’d never own up to it when it was. I felt like I was just used sexually he’d only ever put any effort when he thought we were gonna do “something” later on in the night. I always felt that he only was with me because I was the only thing available to him. He never really took the time to get to know me as a person he knew what everyone else knew the basics. I never felt genuinely loved in my relationship with him. I convinced myself over and over again that I was loved. I’m just really sad that I had to experience the things that I did to just realize that he wasn’t the one I needed to wake up to everyday ya know? I tell everyone that I want to get over what Edwin did to me but I get really scared. I still get scared when someone gets in the same position he did to me. I start to feel dirty. I start to get flash backs and start to get defensive. I know that gerik would never force himself on me or anything but when he got on top of me like that I started to freak out. I yelled and got so defensive and the fact that he didn’t get off right away scared the shit out of me. I don’t know man. It just really felt like he didn’t care for me man. So now I want to talk about Ramon, he’s such a sweet heart. I know that I won’t be dating him anytime soon I’m still recovering but he’s such an amazing person. And let me state that no, I did not leave gerik for Ramon. I left gerik for me and myself only. I am my own person and I can do whatever I feel is right for me. But Ramon actually listens to what I have to say and what I have on my mind and understands me emotionally. And that’s all that I have been looking for my whole life. I hope this isn’t just my distraction and that this is something that is good for me. The only thing I worry about is how we will mix as people. To me he’s really nice and cool but outside of that he might be hard to get along with. Ya know? He’s a thug, and active gang member. So I hope I’m not mixing with the wrong crowd but I will stay true to myself all the way. I like Ramon for Ramon, and will not labels change my opinion. I just know he gets me in ways I wish other people did. Almost like serigo understood me but in a goofy way and that’s my favorite part. Ughhhh so that’s where I am in life right now. I’m just going to concentrate on doing me. And loving myself more. And Ramon is a great distraction from feeling lonely. A real good one. - April 16th,2016 

And now i am with my amazing boyfriend for about 1 year, yeah we hit major bumps in the road but now were just growing <3

[spnfanficpond]

April Angel Fish Raffle!

New items this month!!

(I was waiting for a couple of deliveries that would have added more stuff to this month’s prize pool, but it’s getting late, so here we go.)

New items this month in the raffle are:

A 5X Happy Hellidays sweatshirt

A 3X pocket t-shirt with Salt & Burn design on the back

3 new inspirational bracelets! You Are Not Alone, Love Yourself, and Just Breathe!

Only a couple of weeks left to nominate a fellow Pond member’s story and get yourself an entry into the raffle! Remember, every nomination is an entry, and you can nominate as many as you want!

Details on prizes, how to enter, and how it all works below the cut!

What you can win:

The winner gets a $10 gift card to Stands, PLUS: We’ve got two pools of prizes, and you get to pick one prize from each pool!

Prize Pool A:

SPNFanFicPond swag from the CafePress shop! (Design by @revwinchester!!) You can choose anything in the shop, shirts, sweatshirts, a writing journal, whatever you like!

1 of 4 art prints/mini posters (approx. letter-sized)

Gym Teacher!Dean cosplay including shirt (size 3X), headband, socks, and whistle

Dean Winchester collectible vinyl figurine

Castiel collectible vinyl figurine

Crowley collectible vinyl figurine

Angel wings and tie silicone mold

Rock God Roadie temporary tattoos

NEW! Happy Hellidays sweatshirt

NEW! Salt and Burn pocket t-shirt

Prize Pool B:

1 Mama Bear temporary tattoo (you get to choose which style)

The First Blade mini-replica (approx. 7″ long)

Supernatural throw pillow cover

1 of 3 Enamel pins from Stands - Wayward AF, YANA, or I wish for this

Package of 2 6.5″ plates

Rowena’s voodoo doll

1 LOVE sticker (4″x4″)

Ruth Connell’s Brew flask

Ruby’s Demon Knife necklace

Rose gold necklace with bar pendant reading She Believed She Could

NEW! 1 of 3 bracelets: You Are Not Alone, Love Yourself, or Just Breathe

How To Enter:

All you have to do is submit a story by another Pond member for an Angel Fish Award, and you get an entry for the raffle! Each nomination equals one entry, and you can nominate as many stories as you want!

HERE’S THE SCOOP ON THE ANGEL FISH AWARDS, IN CASE YOU’RE NEW:

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

ANGEL FISH AWARDS ARE PEER-NOMINATED, WHICH MEANS ANY POND MEMBER CAN NOMINATE ANY OTHER POND MEMBER’S STORY!

Send us the fics that make you wanna bathe in holy water, that make you sob into a pint of ice-cream, that make you squee and giggle like a schoolgirl. This is one of the best ways to shine light on the fics that are near and dear to your heart- the fics that you absolutely love that aren’t talked about enough- the fics that stop you in your tracks- the fics that deserve all the love in the world.

NOT SURE IF THE WRITER IS IN THE POND? No worries, just shoot us a message or check out our registries and we’ll help you find out.

DOES THE FIC HAVE TO BE FROM THIS MONTH? Nope! As long as they are a SPN Fanfic Pond member, you can nominate any (SPN-related) fic they’ve written.

HOW DO I MAKE A NOMINATION? Easy! Simply send us a submission with the link to their fic (or title and author’s url) and a review of why it stood out to you. Tell us your favorite thing about it, about the author’s writing. Tell us why we need to read it and show your favorite authors some love. Any fic, old or new, is welcome and will be listed on our masterlist as long as the writer is a member of the pond.

***NOTE: Asks have been going missing lately. We will try to IM you when we get your submission, so if you don’t hear from us, IM one of us!***

AND REMEMBER, SUBMITTING FICS TO THE POND MAKES THEM SUPER-EASY FOR OTHER FISH TO FIND AND ENJOY!

More pics of prizes:

(If you’re interested in seeing something not pictured, please contact @mrswhozeewhatsis)