#all hoits songs

[thefudge]

Do you have any Romanian (language or just content-wise) media recs? Particularly novels and poetry but really any must-sees/must-reads are welcome!

uuuu! 

my brain is too fried right now to do any kind of exhaustive list so i’m gonna rec a few things that i know you could get your hands on/available in translation:

for two thousand years, by mihail sebastian - really heartbreaking yet also lucid, adventurous and darkly humorous memoir of a Jewish writer in his youth at the height of nazism in romania (there’s even a Penguin classic of it)

diary of a short-sighted adolescent by mircea eliade - a funny and bittersweet bildungsroman about a bookish teenager who wants to read everything now and be the cleverest person alive while also struggling with being super lazy and unmotivated because he’s young and restless, it’s very #relatable. but it’s also fascinating to read this in opposition with “for two thousand years” because eliade entertained legionnaire nazi sympathies at one point. (also, you should check out his novellas too, especially the fantastic ones)

anything you can find in translation by gabriela adamesteanu - just lovely, delicate prose about growing up, being an adult, inhabiting your body and your feelings in an oppressive world 

the hatchet by mihail sadoveanu (apparently, there is a translation) - a lot of people give this novel flak, mostly because we had to read it in high school, but it’s a great and deceptively simple little novel that says a lot more about people than it cares to admit. the action takes you through several villages in the East-Carpathians, where a peasant woman goes in search of her missing husband. it’s a fascinating mixture of crime and folklore and mythology. 

any novella by costache negruzzi, but especially “alexandru lapusneanu”, another classic we had to read in school and which gets a lot of flak. it’s so bonkers and #quality-trash. let’s just say there’s a scene where the power-hungry voievod/prince lapusneanu enacts a red-wedding situation and builds a pyramid of freshly severed heads to impress his lady wife *swoon* 

the forest of the hanged by liviu rebreanu - i know people argue this isn’t his best novel, but it’s got the most heart. it’s the story of a soldier/philosopher in WW1 who falls in love with people again. that’s it. he falls in love with people, and the war and everything in between doesn’t matter anymore. or it matters only as it pertains to people, and people alone. 

gallants of the old court by mateiu caragiale - a bizarre gem of early 20th century Romanian nightlife, a wonderful, orgiastic fugue, feverish and infuriating. it’s mostly about rich men and social-climbers getting into existential trouble, but also into real trouble. normally, because the action takes place right before WW1, this would signify the end of an era. but we don’t really have a beginning or end. we are part-balkan, part-french imitators, part-whatever-sticks. nothing moves us, and everything does. and that’s why it’s a sort of love/hate letter to romanians 

in terms of poetry, some personal faves:  nichita stanescu, ana blandiana, monica pillat, marin sorescu,  a.e. baconsky, lucian blaga, emil brumaru, nora iuga, marta petreu, nina cassian. and yes, mihai eminescu, our national poet, though i’m often in two minds about him.  

poetry in translation is really hit and miss because of the “untranslatable”, so here’s two lines from a poem by nina cassian, because i want to show you what i mean:

            De când m-ai părăsit mă fac tot mai frumoasă             ca hoitul luminând în întuneric. 

this roughly and poetically translates to:

          Since you left me I’ve grown more beautiful

           like the corpse lighting the dark 

and this is sort of lovely on its own, but you’d need to know and hear and taste the word “hoit” in romanian to really feel the abjectness, because “hoit” is a smelly, ugly yet also alluring, already decomposing version of “cadavru” aka cadaver/corpse. also “ mă fac tot mai frumoasă” cannot be accurately summed up in “i’ve grown more beautiful”. a literal translation would be “I make myself more beautiful”. in romanian, this is obviously idiomatic and not literal. and yet, these strange self-reflexive valences make these lines strong and eerie, as if the speaker were authoring her beauty, shaping it out of clay and darkness and “hoit”,  like a butterfly cracking the corpse’s shell to get out, but also retaining some of its mesmerizing stench. why did i pause to do a close-reading of romanian poetry??? anyway, you catch my drift

in terms of movies, a recent one i really loved was sierranevada by cristi puiu, which is a neurotic family drama that drains you but also lifts you up 

and yeah, the hype is real, 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days by cristi mungiu really is that good (about two young women trying to get an illegal abortion in communist romania. it won the palme d’or for very legit reasons. it breaks you in small ways. the very last shot of the film you’ll carry with you forever). i also liked graduation by cristi mungiu, where a young overachieving girl is about to graduate high school and go on to study abroad, until a terrible event unmoors both her and her family. the movie turns almost hallucinatory at one point, filled with ambiguity and a kind of sleep-walking quality 

tales from the golden age by cristi mungiu (him again!) is also fantastic for anyone who wants to get a taste of communist romania and the sad-funny absurdities of everyday life. this movie is split in 2 parts and the format is that of an anthology, almost like watching several short films at once. and there is one film in the anthology that always turns me inside out, and it’s really silly, it’s this bonnie and clyde type story about this girl and boy who meet at a party and devise an ingenious get-rich scam and just run around a few neighborhoods trying to put it into practice and it’s...the sweetest, most incomplete thing. there is such a strange, lovely connection there that never gets realized, and there is a MOMENT between them where he helps her step down from this ledge and he holds her briefly to him and i remember being in the cinema and thinking THIS, this is THE MOMENT where i felt these people were real. it was such an honest, lovely moment. like the equivalent of this song. ANYWAY, why am i rambling so much??? this ask was supposed to be SHORT. 

aferim! by radu jude is also a really neat movie and provides a look into the historical romanian/rroma relationship and why it’s so messed up, yet also so organic

the death of mr. lazarescu by cristi puiu is also a great little film about a man who gets sick and goes to the hospital. and...dies, as you can tell from the title. on the surface, he dies because of institutional ineptness and a broken healthcare system. at a deeper level, he dies because we no longer know how to help people. various hospital staff in the film do try to help him and fail for various stupid or quietly heartbreaking reasons. it’s a movie about being physically unable to care. there’s indifference, sure, but also this great exhaustion of the human spirit. but the movie is also darkly funny. might not be a great pandemic watch, but then again it might be exactly what you need 

there are soooo many other classics in terms of books (morometii by marin preda, for instance, about a patriarch in a small village in the South who slowly realizes the world he used to live in doesn’t have room for him anymore, and maybe it never had) but i’m gonna end on a quote from ion creanga, one of the most cryptic classics of romanian lit:

“Şi eu eram vesel ca vremea cea mai bună şi şturlubatic şi copilăros ca vântul în tulburea sa”

my translation: “and I was cheerful like the best weather and frolicsome and childish like the wind in its cloudiness” 

and again, the words in romanian and their particular sound and bite (”şturlubatic”, “tulburea”) immediately take me elsewhere. creanga writes about childhood, but it’s never really childhood. he writes as an adult who, in my opinion, was never really a child, but a weird, small god of the land. i mean the word “tulburea” can mean both “turmoil” and “muddiness”. the wind can be anguished, but also just a little cloudy, just a little hazy, shrinking its agony, howling it in the child. it’s eerie and gorgeous. so, that’s what he does: creanga writes about children as if they were wind-like spirits. he writes stories about devils and the peasants who trick them and school books filled with spit and flies, and warm eggs stolen from nests and fairy-tales of a world that is buried somewhere inside us, but not too deep, things hidden under our clothes or nails or even in our hair. and it’s all so physical and convoluted, just like his prose. and i don’t think anyone will ever make sense of him and that’s what makes him so discombobulatingly great.

anyway, this was supposed to be...like, really short! and not gassy! i’m sorry. i love waxing about all this gay stuff. i’m so gay about it. 

realistically tho, the nearest thing you’ll find in your local bookshop is probably books by famous ‘theater of the absurd’ playwright, eugen ionesco, or novels in translation by contemporary author mircea cartarescu. both are pretty good, so go for it! (if you want to start small, i’d recommend REM by mircea cartarescu, because it’s so trippy and meta and captures that summer holiday eeriness so well. it goes well with this romanian song sung in english)

okay byeeeee 

[dustedmagazine]

Bill Callahan — Gold Record (Drag City)

Photo by Hanly Banks Callahan

“Hello, I’m Johnny Cash,” murmurs Bill Callahan in his plain-spoken, sincere-to-a-fault, just-you-and-me-talking tenor, at the very outset of Gold Record. It’s just the first of many guises he slips behind on this shape-shifting album, which sounds direct and confessional but is actually a trickster’s sort of performance, clothing artifice, craft and elaborate wordplay in the trappings of honesty.

Like Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest, Gold Record works in a spare palette, surrounding Callahan’s hollowed out voice with skeletal flourishes of guitar, bass and hushed drums. An occasional trumpet flares somewhere in the distance, then subsides. There’s lots of time between lines to let the meaning land. And like Shepherd, Gold Record takes its tone from Callahan’s newly settled life. Even covering “Let’s Move to the Country” from 20 year’s gone Knock Knock, Callahan sounds less giddy and more grounded; it’s no longer a goofy whim, but more of a family plan. In “Pigeons,” speaking in the voice of a part-time limo driver giving advice on marriage, Callahan gives a warm, well-considered tribute to settling down: “When you are dating, you only see each other and the rest of us can go to hell/but when you are married, you’re married to the whole wide world.”

And yet, Gold Record seems a good bit more playful than its predecessor. Callahan shakes a fist, in gentlest, most ruminative way, at a young songwriter gone political in “Protest Song,” cautioning “You’re gonna get hoit,” in a parody (maybe?) of age cautioning youth. And “The MacKenzies” is a sweet song about intergenerational connection, until it takes a weird turn. The narrator bonds with an older neighbor over a car repair (sure), has dinner with the man and his wife (okay), and then veering into surreality, sleeps over in the couple’s dead son’s bedroom (what??) and possibly joins the family forever.

The tendency with singer songwriters is to equate the “I” of the songs with the “I” of the singer, but that clearly won’t do with Callahan. He is slyly, slowly sketching short stories with unreliable narrators at their center, and if the seed is something that happened to him, it gradually grows into a strange, not-quite-natural scenario. He also inhabits other guitar players, trying out a Western ramble in “Cowboy” and later impersonating the blues licks and bends of a master in “Ry Cooder.” (Sample lyric: “English rockers all their money goes/right up their nose, while Ry just smiles and tries another difficult yoga pose.”)

Callahan does all this under cover of frank confessionalism, with the minimal flourishes of instruments that suggest unvarnished honesty. But he’s actually pulling a trick on you, making you believe him as he explores the surreal memory palaces of his imagination. The lovely ending “As I Wander,” with its dreamlike washes of brass and sax, plumbs the links between art and imagination and reality, and the shadowy role that singers play in leading people through what they need to think and feel. The lyrics to the whole song are beautiful, but in the interests of space and to encourage you to check out the song itself, I’ll just include the final moments. Here Callahan barely breathes the lines, “It’s times like these that the forces at work begin considering me, as the link between death and dreams/Some sweet minutes, everyone is counting on me, to get them home, safely/Before the track ends, through the wayward symphonies of steel on steel as the city falls away to single bricks in the field/As if I were the conductor and this train were real.”

Gold Record is honest in its own fanciful way, proving that not everything has to be literal fact to be true, and not everything needs to have a physical presence to be real.

Jennifer Kelly

[deus-ex-machiina]

Rough Awakening - Closed

If it was not mistaken, this was the place from all those years ago. It could even see the small mountain it toppled during the battle, ha! As it got closer to the site, short moments of that faithful day projected themselves on its graphic memory. Strange, it was not actively recalling those recordings.

The robot descended from the skies and landed at the shoreline, feet leaving massive imprints in the sand. As it was making its way towards solid land, flashes continued to pierce its visual memory. Eventually they became impossible to ignore and the robot stopped, grabbed its head, and released a m̖e̞͇̙c̪͈͇̜̖͔ͅh̝̮͈an̗̟͈̘͔i͔͙̜̱̙c͓͍͓al̥̯͈̗̖ ̺ s̸c̢re̶e͢c͠h.

"S̅ͤ̋ͭ-̈́͂́̍̿T̋ͣ͒̒͐̎̚-ͧ̃̏O-̽̔͋ͭP̂ͥ͒"

....Everything went back to normal....

What was it here for again? Oh yeah, King Caesar. Hopefully The guardian was here, maybe somebody activated him already? with all the aliens popping up Earth could use some extra brawl.

Maybe singing his song would entice a reaction?

♪ “~Ko yai you domo Tobari mo kiru Asa wa hi tama ♫

Nemuri kara Samete? hoshi no Watashi no Shisa

Hoshi no hama mede matte iru no Shisa chikara tsuyoku ♪

Aoi kora yu o koete Hoho no namida Hoite okure

♪ Watashi no mune ne Moette iru, moette ir. ♫

♪ “~Shisa! Shisa! Shisa!~’♪

♫ “~Kiru ryuu, Shisaaaaa~”♫

@kaijugalore

[aeniith]

Seloi grammar continued...(again!)

Okay, I am on a roll with Seloi grammar! I think the language is turning out really lovely so far and I love speaking it to myself. ^_^ I wanna do a voice recording soon! Anyone interested to hear such a thing? Also considering doing a song too. I did a song a while back in Rílin (you can hear it here: http://www.whitealicemusic.com/music/BvePfaRi.mp3), and yes I composed and sang it!

~~~~~~~

Complement Clauses

There are two methods of making indirect statements in Seloi. One is the complement clause, done by using the complementizer na.

Velan na hoikyn na ali sa lukoi ni Alesma.

1s.subj.masc compknow-masc 3s.subj.fem be-fem in Alesma

“I know that she is in Alesma.”

Kyjali na kolauja-ke na vimoitji le-ke heski.

3p.subj.neut nonpst understand-neut compthe.child be-neut sad

“They understand that the child is sad.”

Serial Verbs

Serial verbs in Seloi show can show 1) a sequence of events, 2) simultaneous events, or 3) performance of one action with intention to perform another action.

1)   Ali so kul te-koi lailai ai kokosoi.

She ind pst go-femcall.out to her.husband

“She went and called out to her husband.”

Notice how only the first verb takes any particles or gender agreement. The second verb is assumed to have all the same implied morphology as the first. So above, “so kul….-koi” applies to both verbs in fact, i.e. they are both indicative, past, and feminine.

2)   Ali so kul hoi-koi in hoite.

She ind pst know-fem neg question

“She knew and did not question.”

Above the two actions are considered simultaneous.

3)   Ali so kul ka-koi spa vevila.

she ind pst come-fem get the.clothing

“She came to get the clothing.”

#3 above can also be read as “She came and got the clothing,” depending on context: it is not clear out of context whether the person succeeded in getting the clothing or not.

Auxiliary verbs

Seloi has many auxiliary verbs that are epistemic or deontic. Some are more temporal/aspectual in nature, however.

Mila ‘may, can, could’

Lije ‘can, be able to’

Tolua ‘want’

Tosa ‘should’

Slana ‘must, have to’

These precede the main verb and take all TAM and evidentially markers in that clause.

Kitai vula so kul velote          tolua soi.

evid perf ind pst  def.art-man want sit.down

“I heard that the man wanted to sit down.”

So na vil tosa ka na ve-lamiasa.

ind nonpst 2sg.masc.subj should come to def.art-party.

“You should come to the party.”

Ali slana ve.

3sg.fem.subj must go

“She must go.”

[littlelakeswallow]

1. Real name : Andrew

2. Nickname(s) : Fishy, Mandrew

3. Fav. color: Sky blue and the pink of sakura

4. Male or female : Male

5. Nursery/Kindergarten : Kingdergarten

6. Primary School : Parramatta Public school

7. Secondary : wait is this how i’m meant ot answer Parramatta High School

8. College : TAFE/Diploma in Games development (Art)

9. Hair Color : Black

10. Tall or Short : 168cm u decide

11. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans

12. Phone or Camera : Phone

13. Health freak : Health conscious

14. Orange or Apple : Oranges

15. Do you have a crush on someone : Not realllyyyy buuut who knowssssss

16. Eat or Drink : Drink

17. Piercings : Noop

18. Pepsi or Coke: Coke!

19. Been in an airplane : Yup!

20. Been in a relationship : ALMSOT in year 7 but im so glad that didn’t happen. idk i’ll ask some pretty girl out if she comes along but i can’t support a relationship right now.

21. Been in a car accident : nope

22. Been in a fist fight : only for training. i fractured my older bro’s sternum  >>

23. First piercing : noooo

24. Best friend(s): i love man teekay and my terrorist sahim

25. First award : Regional high jump!!!! And then people my age were jumping 180cm so LATERS ME AND MY 160??

26. First crush : Silly crush on a girl from church when i was in like year 2 hahahahha she called me ugly so lATERS

27. First word : probably fish

28. Zodiac Sign: Gemini

29. Last person you texted : Actually my mum... TO ASK HER WHERE THE HECK SHE WAS

30. Last person you talked to: peoples from  ARTTRA

31. Last person you watched a movie with : people from ARTTRA literally just now

32. Last food you ate : Laksa

33. Last movie you watched : Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows (Part 2)

34. Last song you listened to : dunnoo

35. Last thing you bought : i got a tonne of prints and keychains from SMASH

37. Fav Food : Mapo tofu no jk. Otherwise... agedashi tofu and jap curry

38. Fav Drink : i love soy milk......

39. Fav Bottoms : Trousers are king

40. Fav Flower : Lilies

41. Fav Animal : Kitty.. I like hummingbirds a lot... and does

42. Color/s : complementary is king

43. Fav Movie : Mononoke Hime

44. Fav Subject : highschool ptsd i am 69th percentile i almost got a mystery mark.

IT though, for the 5 man class. we were tight as heck and that teacher helped me through some tough high school times

HAVE YOU EVER:

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [x] fallen in love with someone.

46. [x]celebrated Halloween.

47. [x] had your heart broken. It hoits

48. [] went over the data on your cell phone.

49. [prob not past 18 years i was a toad, still a toad bit i suppose a tiny bit less] had someone like you

51. [x yes] got pregnant.

52. [ ] had an abortion.

53. [x] did something I regret.

54. [x] broke a promise.

55. [x] hid a secret.

56. [x] pretended to be happy.

57. [x] met someone who changed your life.

58. [x] pretended to be sick.

59. [X] left the country.

60. [X] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it.

61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.

62. [X] ran a mile.

63. [x] went to the beach with your best friend.

64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.

65. [x] disliked someone.

66. [ ] stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating : Noop

68. Drinking : Yooop

69. Listening : The sound of Ip Man in the background

70. Sitting/Laying : Sitting

71. Plans for today: Sleep, but tomorrow is back to the drawing.

72. Waiting for : Myself to finish this so I can sleep

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids : YES

74. Want to get married : LOVE ME

75. Career : my only path is drawing. all boats have been burned.

76. Lips or eyes : If i were to become one giant eye, or one giant lip, I would choose the eyes.

look if a girl has pretty eyes it’s like :)))))

77. Shorter or Taller : TALLER LOOK THAT GIRL I HINTED AT EARLIER I NEED TO BE TALLER AHHAHAHAH

78. Romantic or spontaneous : BOTH

81. Hook-up or relationship : I’m..... not the type of person for a hook up.

82. Looks or personality: both la..........

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts : Nope

84. Snuck out of a house : Nope?

85. Held a gun/knife for self defense : Nope

86. Killed somebody : Nope

87. Broken someone’s heart : Nope

88. Been in love : look every crush i’ve had has been v bad for myself except the most recent

89. Cried when someone died : IN ANIME

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself : almost too much

91. Miracles : COS GOD

92. Love at first sight : i was stunned also

93. Heaven : yup

94. Santa Claus: in my heart of hearts

95. Aliens: basically if god decided to make aliens then there are aliens otherwise i don’t care now you know how i think about every controvercial topic

96. Ghosts : ^

TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now : more like a ‘in my mind it would be a really nice thing to have’, like icing on a cake. i’m really good at wanting things that are not good for myself though.

so, it stays as a nice little maybe. i’ll see in a few months, or if someone else comes and sweeps me off my feet.

98. Do you know who your real friends are : what does real friends even mean? some are in my life right now, and won’t be in future. but i do my silly best to love them.

100. Post as 100 truths : Yea, have a read! i spent too long and was a bit too honest

tagged by good man @propertyofaminus

friends i choose you

@katsuraa @heartoverblade @actualbotjeanne @sumeragimikoto

only if ur bothered dw

@ashesofeternity i forgot u pls do it

[machinehead]

MORE CORNELL

Below is a collection of the most interesting replies to my General Journal inbox and our Facebook page. There are many, many, many more great/fantastic replies in the FB thread here: https://www.facebook.com/MachineHead/posts/10154745571783823 But these are the ones that hit me the hardest for whatever reason. Reading everyone's replies made me realize that it’s been a very difficult thing to process for many of us.  I appreciate the well wishes from everyone.  Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.  Yes, it triggered something dark inside me, something closer to the surface than I realized.  Writing/talking helped me process it. Talking about it on our group-text helped a lot, talking about it with my guys at practice helped a lot.  Writing the journal helped a lot, reading you’re replies helped a lot. And so I’m sharing your replies to hopefully help anyone else struggling with this. It needs to be discussed. His suicide, depression, mental health, whatever we want to call needs to be addressed. We need to get over our uber-macho, alpha-male-society, and be able to talk about these things.  For ourselves, for our kids, for our future. My oldest son had heard Genevra and I talking about Cornell. Driving him to school 2 days ago, he asked me how he died.  I told him. He didn’t understand why someone would do that. It was tough conversation.  And my first thought was to not tell him what it meant, but then my larger fear went to "what if he feels this way already?”  And before you go, “oh kids don’t feel that way, kids are just happy all the time”, I have 2 friends who are going though it with their tween/teenagers.  So we spoke about it, and I told him "I hoped that him and Wyatt never felt that way because THAT scared me even more." It was heavy… How any parent lives through that I’ll never know. Back when the news broke, the band/crew were talking over the group-text, Phil shared something amazing with us.  It was a post from our long-time friend Steffan Chirazi.  He had posted his eloquent thoughts regarding Cornell's suicide (written before suicide was confirmed). If you read only one of the replies below, scroll to the bottom and read his. It’s well worth your time. ——————————— From: Paul Miller Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Yeah man. I know that's not a formal way to start a reply, but that last line, "Listen, Honor, Remember Chris Cornell"... that's the truth. Did so today.  Soundgarden was one of those bands that I listed to and enjoyed, but I didn't run it into the ground.  It was great music, and I didn't want to burn myself out on it.  It would rotate, but I'd save it for special occasions.  When "Black Hole Sun" hit MTV, I'd find myself turning the tv so that I wouldn't get sick of it, but it became unavoidable for awhile (at least here in Indiana). I appreciate your words.  They ring true here, too.  Never got that low, but my thoughts have been dark enough.  It scares me, too.  But, I want to forge ahead for my 5 year old - she is what keeps me runnin'. All the best to you, and thank you for the music through the years. I'm sure you hear people say that your music helped them through rough times.  I believe it.  It kept me focused on doing something personally productive to develop my chops as I wore out the cassette of 'Burn My Eyes' while learning to play your riffs!  So, thank you for that. Take care, Paul From: Rochelle Mangan Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Thank you for this, I loved reading it and am enjoying re listening to a lot of the songs and albums you mentioned with a different perspective on them (this is something I enjoy doing with music a lot, listening to things after people have told me their ideas and opinions on them etc). I just want to say though that I hate the "they had so much to live for" type comments. Even if it's done from an emotional, irrational state, I can't not say something about it. I will find it hard to express concisely and over email the many reasons why but one of the main things is this.... Mental health is hard to deal with because it's invisible, it's so easy to feel like you're a flawed person somehow rather than recognise you are actually unwell. This can mean that experiencing severe depression or whatever when everything in your life is "going great" can (in my experience) often make it so much more confusing and distressing. I'm definitely not saying it's harder to deal with if your life's great! But, if things aren't great - you've lost your job, you're struggling with a relationship etc it's easier to sort of say to yourself "well of course I'm struggling".  I feel like it's also sometimes easier for others to empathise with you if they can see some logical reasons why. It's also easier to get help from public health services (in NZ anyway). When I'm in a bad patch and I have good things happening in my life I ALWAYS find it harder to not do damaging behaviours because my external things are so at odds with what's happening internally. It's like a big war going on and it is so confusing, so exhausting, just one massive dangerous mind fuck! Anyway I hope this doesn't make you feel worse than you may already be feeling, I don't mean it to. I just feel that it's important to say these things sometimes. I know suicide can be confusing to people but as you may know, when you're there, it's not. Thank you for your ramblings and your even more amazing music. It has definitely kept me alive in a big way numerous times. Rochelle xxx From: Anita Hoeve Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Even though I'm a Machine Head fan from the start, and I really enjoy your journals, I don't normally respond to them. Surely you have better things to do than read all the comments, but wow, this day really sucked, didn't it? I was utterly shocked to hear about Chris' passing. Even more to learn it was suicide. Feel so sad that he felt this was the only way out. I love his voice, his music, listened to Superunknown just last week. Between all the social outpourings I read today, yours really stood out. Thank you for your story, your memories. For really taking the time to share them with us. They got to me. Take care Robb, give your kids and Genevra an extra big hug tonight. Love, Anita From: "Kondalski, Joe" Subject: RE: CHRIS CORNELL To: 'The General Journals' I was at the Fox Theater last night to see Soundgarden, here are a couple of pics from the show. We were in the front row and Chris gave us fist bumps and was very engaged  with the fans during the show. Ps- these are cell phone pics, I will send some pics from my camera later. Feel free to post this pics anywhere. From: Fábio Gil Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals From a 34 year old fan boy trying to play it cool: if you need help, go and search for it and solve your shit, man. We all have demons and hard things we can't handle by ourselves, sometimes. So, for this fanboy, and millions around the world, for whom your TALENT and music inspires so fucking much, put yourself together and "headup". I have a band and we are looking for a proper singer for a time now, maybe a year... And you, dear Robb, your vocal approach, your melodies, ressonate in my head, pushing me to break my barriers and fears and step to the mic (I play of the guitars). This is how much you inspire me. And I'm... just one. Imagine what you do daily to your legion of fans. Is there anybody out there? Yea. There is. Always. From Portugal, with MUCH MUCH love, Fábio Gil. From: Jean-Baptiste Collinet Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL SPOTIFY PLAYLIST To: The General Journals Thanks for the playlist, Robb. Great choices, many almost-unknown songs. Great. Well, I tought about dropping a serious line about how Chris somehow "changed my life" (I know, that's so cliché, but I'm at loss for words, damnit). But I was too down last time you wrote about him. Not only did Chris, as a human being, kinda "redirected" me on a safer, healthier path… even if we never met (if there's heaven or hell, we may meet sometime. Let's be a hopeless optimistic-pessimist!) His music... Boy, it's just gut-tearing to think about the loss of the man who opened my mind and my ears enough to stop my technical frenzy and stage thirst for a huge while, and made me start listening instead of merely hearing. I even put aside performing for years, and I just started again maybe a few months ago. Not as a Swedish Melodeath drummer and guitarist, but as a viola da gamba soloist. Talk about a ride. It doesn't look like it, but both worlds share much more than one may think. Not sure I would have made it so far without Chris. Chris had this ability to quickly grok and understand the world and music in an unbelievably holistic way. If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is... I could go on and on, rambling. Enough. Chris has still much to "teach" us, even if he's not "there". He made me wonder if we're not the dead, wrongly thinking we're alive. How can we dare think we're right? What if the ones we think of as dead/fallen are the ones alive? Anyone has an answer to this? Jean-Baptiste Collinet @Rich Hoit I both love and hate this. I love the passion, the honesty, and the wish to not shy away from the raw and heartfelt feelings towards a fantastic front man, singer, musician, friend and man. So much respect for that. I hate the fact that it had to be written so soon 😢 Bravo, Machine Head, a great piece and a great sentiment. And thank you, Chris Cornell. @Ashley Merritt You're strong as fuck Robb because you actually wrote how you feel honestly like this, helping anyone struggling with mental illness.. it helps to know that you're not the only one and the way you feel frankly is exactly the way I do. What a trip. Being open and around good folk means everything, there's always an up after a down. Always. @Theresa Alaimo Very proud of you, Robb Flynn, Machine Head, for this tribute to Chris. A s a journalist for my magazine, Black Planet, in New Mexico, I ran for over 15 years, I too am grieving for Chris Cornell, that beautiful man with an amazing voice. During the Voivod Tour they played at a club a few blocks from my work space apartment and the promoter asked if I could steam the crab legs for Soundgarden at my place. Delivering a plate of steaming hot crab legs to the beautiful Chris and looking into his eyes, made my legs steam as well. I believe I said, "Your Majesty, I present you with steaming hot crab legs" and bowed. I was such a dork, but I was so overwhelmed by his aura. I was also at the Foundations Forum where I saw Soundgarden and met you and other great guys. I interviewed you and we all became friends and hung out with Pantera, Biohazard, Exodus, STP, Lemmy, Pearl Jam, Iron Maiden and up and coming new bands for a weekend. I still have my Scorpions beer mug they handed out from their helicopter flight, it was a great experience. Anytime you are feeling sad or depressed Robb, try to remember that you are a talented musician, a beautiful man and maybe not every woman in the world wants to fuck you, but be your friend and will listen if you need to talk. I might not ever know if you read this, Robb Flynn, but at least it's out there. We all love you and need you to stick around. We've lost too many, Dimebag, Peter Steele, Wayne Static, Scott Weiland, Layne Staley, Lemmy, just to name a few and when we barely catch our breath, then we lose another. We can't lose you too, our hearts are already broken. @Matt McDonald "And I think I'm strong, but I'm not. I'm not as strong as I project, and I'm not sure if I'm stronger than depression. Because I sink into it sometimes. And it's black. I hope I am. I need to be for my kids. For my wife... for myself." God damn that shit hit me. So personal, so profound, and so relatable. Counseling, medication, therapy... none of that is a guarantee. Whether it's a bout of sadness or full on throes of suicidal depression, sometimes the hardest part for overcoming it is simply reaching out. Be it pride, shame, guilt... find a way to overcome, find something that helps you out of the funk. Music can be so powerful, so thank you for still being here to share your deeply personal thoughts and feelings, and for continuing to make music. You never know how much it could help even just one person, I think that's reason enough to continue. Thank you! @Jennifer May It can be really hard to admit, you worry that you'll be labeled as an attention seeker or told that you just need to cowboy up and try harder to be happy. Medication is still really stigmatized and expensive, and talk therapy can seem intimidating. I'm very, very lucky and grateful that my mama works in mental health so I've had someone to help me navigate the system. RIP Chris, we lost one of the greatest today. @Phil Stein No matter how much one tries to capture the range of emotions evoked by Chris Cornell's vocals, the description falls short of what he could do and what he could convey. Let alone the beauty, poignancy and power that he could generate. It was like hearing a 5 course gourmet dinner from appetizer through dessert - it was varied and more than that delicious vocally. Thanks for the great description and memorial For Chris Robb. It's so on point and fitting. Perfectly stated!!! @Mark Garcia It's the asshole in me but I will never grieve for someone who takes their own life. I can appreciate all the words from fans and I may not have been a fan of sound garden some of the songs were worth listening to. This band as well as the grunge "sound" never resonated with me so maybe that's why as well. @Jimmy James Brute honesty again from mr Flynn. Bravo this is why we love you and machine head. Depression does fucking suck and you don't shy away from talking about it. RIP Chris Cornell! Man I was actually a big soundgarden fan back in the 90s before discovering metal. @Siri LH Thank you for your honesty and reflections! Highly interesting to read. I can relate to the sadness and the mind fuck. Soundgarden was the band that sparked my love for heavy music. I've been depressed myself and always felt comfort in listening to Chris Cornell's voice. It resonated with my mind. The darkness felt lighter when I put on a Soundgarden album. I was comforted, like someone got my mood. Whenever I've felt lost, I've put on some Soundgarden and found myself again. Soundgarden feels like the essence of my being and I will always be deeply grateful for their music, and for Cornell's voice, lyrics and mood. I've seen them live once and I smiled the whole show through. Eternal love for Chris Cornell and Soundgarden <3 My heart goes out to his loved ones. @Austin Kokel I saw them on Lollapalooza '96, and I'm glad to hear you say what I felt at that show. I was only 15, but I had Badmotorfinger and Superunknown and I absolutely loved both and was right up front. The band was definitely in a funk, and the bassist was an asshole, spitting on and insulting the crowd (and bot in the fun Ramones way I experienced an hour earlier). I try to explain their set to people now, and I can't. I'm glad to hear my 20+ year old sentiments echoed. That said, I always wondered about him after that day, but I never saw this coming either, not this far down the road. Thanks for your honesty and insight, Robb. We love you. We love Machine Fucking Head. Be strong. @J Ake Hess You've expressed so many feelings and thoughts rattling around in my head today that I just couldn't find words to put to. Cornell will always be uniquely amazing and in a class​ by himself. I was listening to his cover of Prince's Nothing Compares 2 You just last night and letting myself become entranced by his unique sound and incredible voice. Today I am sad, angry, and a bit enthralled with my own mortality. Nobody is immune and sometimes the struggle is too much for even the people with everything to live for. I can't imagine what his family is feeling today. Beyond tragic… @Steffan Chirazi No-one can be sure why he is dead, and when it is appropriate, we will know. But depression is a very, very real thing. It is a part of life, but for some, it carries deadly lows and utterly crushing weight along with a gravitational pull into darkness that many of us cannot fathom. I sometimes fight the rabbit hole. I see it, I feel it, I flirt with its edges, but then I bury my head in the dog or hug the cat or take deep breathes and get outside and find a piece of mental architecture to grab hard, fast and haul myself out. I am very lucky. I am slightly brushed with depression and anxiety, but fortunately I am always able to find the light. Fortunately I still retain enough of my natural mental antibodies to find the path out quickly and efficiently. There is no doubt that age makes that path harder to find sometimes, as a consequence of both the physical being and some of the inevitabilities which come with your 50s (such as more people in your circle dying). Others are not so lucky. It isn't because they 'don't want to' or 'aren't trying hard enough' or 'don't love their familes' or anything remotely like that. It isn't ever for the lack of trying. It is because depression (and anxiety) are a crushing, debilitating disease which this country, this planet, seems largely unable to recognize. We push people to the outer regions of anxiety and depression with no care that there are some who fall headfirst into a rabbit hole tornado and only through regular (and possibly unrecognized miracles) find themselves hurled into the escape bunker as opposed to the abyss. Yeah. Imagine that. A tornado that escalates within minutes from a slight, chilly breeze, a tornado that offers no pattern as to when it will appear. And imagine that the only help which can come your way is a bunker miraculously opening up beneath your feet and drawing you to a womb of safety until the tornado passes… ...Often, people with clinical depression will self-medicate. Not because they 'like to fucking party' but because there is no other way out. It's 'easier' to take a swig, take a pill, take a hit. It keeps the darkness in the distance and the tornado (when it pops up) is smashed into smithereens by the 'medicine’. Let me, by the way, be VERY clear. I am NOT saying he was doing ANY of that. He had his dances back in the old days, ones he has been very open about. But I thought he had left that behind. I honestly don't know but feel he had for some time. Whatever eh? Because we judge anyway. Yet we judge. We judge in all senses and all ways. Why do they do that? Why do they behave that way? Who do they think they are? Why can't they just cheer up...? Why are they being such an asshole? Yeah, cheer up will ya? You're handsome or pretty or rich or famous or successful or ALL of those things. Come on. All you gotta do is think about how much worse so many other people have it. Who do you think you are? There are people with 'real' problems out there… I heard the same shit about Cobain and Staley. Listen, does anyone really believe that they wanted to go? That they didn't with every sinew wish in their more lucid moments that they could find a way out? Of course not. Pain is one thing, emotional pain is a whole other ball of wax, but add that to a chemical equation in your DNA that can (without warning) turn your colours to black and white, your peripheral vision to a short, narrow tunnel and which leaves your light feeling cold-negative and it is clear to see that this disease is both monstrous and potentially crippling. The thing with tornados is that when you're in one, they don't afford you the 'luxury' of contemplation. Especially when it is your own chemicals, your own imbalances through no fault of your own, which rise from nowhere to envelope you in that tornado; I never heard of anyone caught in one who was able to see straight, let alone reason with themselves. Fortunately some find their way out. They discover a regular path out of the fog, and they can stick to it. That is not to judge people who cannot; every situation is different. But some simply can't. They try and try and try again. Maybe they achieve success in escaping dark moments, and maybe they eradicate self-medication and triggers from their lives with the help of great local support. However there are never guarantees. Again, I don't know why he died. I spent a little time with him here and there, enough to know that for years, there was a dark moodiness which expressed itself via his generally quiet way and rich lyrics. Later on he certainly spruced himself up, chucked in the deeper self-medications, and seemed a lot more comfortable with life than when he wrote the semi-self-ridiculing "Jesus Christ Pose" but what did I know? Apparently not much at all… ...If you see a friend struggling, if you sense or feel a friend or family member is drifting near a rabbit hole, please, check-in with them. However you have to, either directly or just create an excuse to see them, to talk to them. We are so emotionally guarded that we perhaps see it as 'intruding' or 'sticking our noses in'. Know your friends. Know your family. Be kind whenever you can with them, have a laugh or crack a shit joke. But touch base. Do it today. Much love to everyone who suffers and is either marginalized, trivialized or simply ignored. Much love to those getting assistance in their ongoing battle. Subscribe to The General Journals: http://thegeneraljournals.hosted.phplist.com/lists/?p=subscribe

[acintya-bhedabheda-tattva]

Sri Guruparampara by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Gosvami Prabhupada 1 krsna hoite caturmukha, hoy krsnasevonmukha, brahma hoite naradera mati narada hoite vyasa, madhwa kohe vyasadasa, purnaprajna padmanabhia gati 2 nrhari madhavabamse, aksobhya paramahamse, sisya boli' angikara kore aksobhyera sisya jaya tirtha name paricaya, tara dasye jnanasindhu tore 3 taha hoite dayanidhi, tara dasa vidyanidhi, rajendra hoilo taha ha'te tahara kinkora jaya dharma name paricaya, parampara jano bhalo mate 4 jayadharmadasye khyati, sri purusottamajati, ta ha'te brahmanyatirtha su ri vyasatirtha tara dasa, laksmipati vyasadasa, taha ha'te madhavendra puri 5 madhavendra puribara, sisyabara sriiswara, nityananda, sriadwaita vibhu iswarapurike dhanya, korilen sricaitanya, jagadguru gaura mahaprabhu 6 mahaprabhu sricaitanya, radhakrsna nahe anya, rupanuga janera jivana viswambhara priyankara, sriswarupa damodara, srigoswami rupasanatana 7 rupapriya mahajana, java, raghunathu hana, tara priya kavi krsnadasa krsnadasapriyabara, narottama sevapara, jara pada viswanathaasa 8 viswanathabhaktasatha, baladeva jagannatha, tara priya sribhaktivinoda mahabhagavatabara, srigaurakisorabara, haribhajanete ja'ra moda 9 ihara paramahamsa, gaurangera nijabamsa, tadera carane mama gati ami sebaudasina, namete tridandi dina, sribhaktisiddhanta saraswati (1) In the beginning of creation the science of devotional service was received by the fourheaded Brahma from the Supreme Lord Sri Krsna. Devarsi Narada's understanding of this divine science was obtained from Brahma. The great sage Krsna Dvaipayana Vyasa, who was empowered to compile the Vedic literatures, be came a disciple of Devarsi Narada. Sripada Madhvacarya, the founder of the suddhadvaita school of Vedanta philosophy, who visited Vyasadeva at Badarikasrama in the thirteenth century to learn from him Vedanta philosophy, calls himself a servant of Krsna Dvaipayana Vyasa. Purnaprajna Tirtha [Madhva] is the guru and sole refuge of Padmanabha Tirtha. (2) The two other principal disciples of Madhva are Nrhari Tirtha and Madhava Tirtha. Madhava Tirtha accepted the great paramhamsa Aksobhya Tirtha as a disciple. The principal disciple of Aksobhya Tirtha was known as Jayatirtha. Jayatirtha's service was for his disciple Jnanasindhu. (3) Dayanidhi received the science of devotional service from Jnanasindhu, and the servant of Dayanidhi was Vidyanidhi [Vidyadhiraja Tirtha]. Rajendra Tirtha became a disciple of Vidyadhiraja Tirtha. Rajendra Tirtha's servant was known as Jayadharma or Vijayadhvaja Tirtha. In this way you should properly understand this disciplic succession. (4) The great sannyasi Sri Purusottama Tirtha received his knowledge in the service of his guru, Vijayadhvaja Tirtha [Jayadharma]. The principal disciple of Purusottama Tirtha was Subrahmanya Tirtha. His servant was the great Vyasatirtha [Vyasa Raya]. Vyasatirtha's servant was Laksmipati Tirtha, whose disciple was Madhavendra Puri Gosvami. (5) The chief disciple of Madhavendra Puri was Isvara Puri, and two of his other disciples were the renowned incarnations of Godhead Sri Nityananda and Advaita Acarya. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, the spiritual preceptor of all the worlds made Isvari Puri greatly fortunate by accepting him as His spiritual master. (6) Mahaprabhu Sri Caitanya is non different from Sri Sri Radha and Krsna and is the very life of those Vaisnavas who follow Sri Rupa Gosvami. Sri Svarupa Damodara Gosvami, Rupa Gosvami, and Sanatana Gosvami were the givers of great happiness to Visvambhara [Sri Caitanya]. (7) The great souls Jiva Gosvami and Raghunatha Dasa Gosvami became very dear to Rupa Gosvami. Jiva Gosvami was a disciple of Rupa Gosvami, and Raghunatha Dasa Gosvami, a disciple of Advaita Acarya's disciple Yadunandana Acarya, was accepted by Rupa and Sanatana as their third brother. Raghunatha dasa Gosvami's beloved student was Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami. Krsnadasa Kaviraja was an intimate friend of Lokanatha Gosvami. They lived together in Vrndavana and always discussed the topics of Krsna with one another. Lokanatha Gosvami, a disciple of Gadadhara Pandita, had only one disciple, whose name was Narottama Dasa. Narottama Dasa was always engaged in the service of his guru, and he also engaged himself in the service of his guru's intimate friend. Thus he became very dear to Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami. To serve I the feet of Narottama Dasa Thakura was the only desire of Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura, who was the fourth acarya in disciplic succession from Narottama Dasa. (8) Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura was the siksaguru [instructing spiritual master] of Baladeva Vidyabhusana, to whom he taught the precepts of SrimadBhagavatam. Jagannatha Dasa Babaji was a very prominent acarya after Sri Baladeva Vidyabhusana and was the beloved siksaguru of Sri Bhaktivinoda Thakura. Bhaktivinoda Thakura's intimate friend and associate was the eminent mahabhagavata Sri Gaurakisora Dasa Babaji, whose sole joy was found in haribhajana. (9) These treat saintly Vaisnavas are all paramahamsas, or devotees of the highest order, and they are all part of Lord Gauranga's own spiritual family. Their holy feet are my refuge. I have no real interest in devotional services and I am a poor and lowly tridandi sannyai named Sri Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati. *Because this song has been composed by Sri Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, he has placed his name at the end of the song, as is customarily done by Vaisnava poets. In order to glorify Sri Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura and his beloved disciple Sri A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada as spiritual teachers in the preceptorial succession from Sri Caitanyadeva, the following verse has been added and may be optionally sung instead of the song's ninth verse. srivarsabhanavibara, sada sevyasevapara, tahara dayitadasanama tara pradhan pracarako, sribhaktivedanta namo, patitajanete doyadhama The renowned Sri Varsabhanavidayita Dasa [the initiated name of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati] is always engaged in the service of his spiritual master, Srila Gaurakisora Dasa Babaji. His foremost disciple preacher is Sri A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, who has spread the message of Lord Caitanya throughout the world and is thus a reservoir of mercy and compassion for all fallen souls.

[sunnyleonesongz]

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