#all hail original team

[ruthkearneydaily]

PRIMEVAL (2007-2011) | S1E03

[jesswritesthat]

Atsumu Miya: Second Choice

Fandom: Haikyuu!! — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: ~2.2k, fluff

• You were never first choice, so it comes as a surprise when he notices your presence before anyone else.

Warnings: None

>>>>——————————>

It was always the same, you'd watched as people flocked to beauty, straight past you every time. In reality when you became friends with Sachiko it was because she had a great personality, you couldn't have possibly predicted she'd become the most beautiful and popular girl in school by the time you'd reached Inarizaki High.

Regardless of her sparkling status, she remained your best friend and you'd usually be found together throughout the school premises along with anyone else who joined you at the start of first year.

When the Volleyball team grew more intoxicating, it was Sachiko who'd excitedly dragged you along to one of their home training matches. It's where you first laid eyes upon the famous Miya twins, a vicious team of spiker and setter with a serve worthy of award among them. Already they had personal fans and the cheer squad screaming their praises, you're surprised they didn't get mauled in the hallways.

Now you'd seen them, you recognised them in school and they apparently had space to breathe aside from the odd confession here and there. You'd regularly seen that with Sachiko though, she'd often be either pulled to the side or you'd bear witness to some lovestruck soul gushing their heart out for her.

It was humbling in a way, you were the one who goes unnoticed but notices everything. Including if feelings were reciprocated, and you're certain you deducted gossip before it even became that, you'd been getting accurate in predicting things lately. However, you never predicted one of them to notice you.

Especially him.

"Hey, ya in one of my classes right?" In honesty you didn't even realise it was you this voice was addressing since Sachiko lingered by your side, not until a careful tap drew your attention to the blonde twin rather than your locker.

"Huh? Oh I think so, it hasn't been long enough to learn everyone's name yet. You're the volleyball player though."

"Ah, have ya seen me play? Like it?" His head tilted in curiosity, proud smirk upon his lips.

"You were really good, you have great form when you serve." With that you nodded to him, slipping on your shoes and walking off with your best friend quickly following in tow.

"Woah— wait up!" You didn't even look back in the swarm of leaving students. "I didn't get yer name..."

———

It wasn't until a week or so later did he 'confidently' interact with you again, this time his call far more effective in hailing your attention.

"(L/n) (Y/n)!"

Immediately you spun to the origin, finding none other than Miya Atsumu dodging a group of fangirls rather effortlessly on his way to you.

"You know my name."

"Yeah 'course. You know who I am so it's only fair." It was surefire charisma, one you'd soon extinguish.

"Miya Osamu isn't it?"

"Ye—Hey?! YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN'!"

"'Tsumu shut ya mouth!" The namesake twin glared harshly at his counterpart, quickly flashing a calmer look when you'd addressed him.

"Ah, hey Miya-san. I apologise, that was my fault for winding your brother up."

"Dumbass has control of his own mouth." Osamu politely assured, meanwhile Atsumu reclaimed your peripheral with a childish pout.

"So ya knew ma name all along and decided to be freakin' mean about it? On our second meetin' too."

"I couldn't resist, you're so cute when you're mad."

"I'm— oh ya think I'm cute?" Atsumu stammered slightly, your smirk only widening upon noting the crimson tips of his ears. Honesty leaving your lips soon after.

"I think you're both handsome, as does a majority of the school body. See you Miya-san and Miy—"

"Call me Atsumu!"

"See you in class, Atsumu." You actually looked back this time, an unfamiliar and unexpected feeling flourishing within you.

———

Part of you wandered if it’d be different this time, maybe you’d found someone who was there for you and not Sachiko. Just this once. You’d spoken more in class, studied together, traded snacks, and genuinely became friends over the course of two months.

Ironically it was the same blonde who tugged you from your reverie at the your locker where you’d first spoken.

"Yer friends with Sachiko aren't ya?"

This was it, the moment you realised he was just like all others and for the first time in a long while, you were truly disappointed.

"Yes I am, and she is amazing."

"I'm aware, could ya introduce me?" He’d spoked so casually, completely unawares of the charade you donned.

"What? Too scared to introduce yourself?" Atsumu was taken aback by your mockery, smirk growing as you persisted. "She doesn't bite y'know, that's my job."

This was the second time you'd left him speechless, slamming your locker door and disappearing into the halls with a wave.

From then on you'd see them happily talking to one another, it was hard seeing them together, amusing considering you'd only known the blonde not even half the year, yet you'd liked him more than you considered possible.

The first time you'd walked into the classroom finding the pair conversing at her desk, it was like Atsumu was desperately trying to convince her of something. It was only for a brief moment but when the setter turned to see you with a suddenly concerned look, you realised you hadn't worn a facade. You were meant to smile, instead you must've looked saddened - briskly you offered a weak smirk, and span to leave the room with additional flare as to minimise suspicion.

You’d only made it three steps down the hallway when a grasp on your wrist limited your escape.

"Hey you okay?"

"Yes? Why wouldn't I be?" Came your upbeat response, even if he portrayed a careful worrisome look on his handsome features.

"Ya... ya looked upset."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"I'm observant y'know, gotta be fer volleyball so yeah, I noticed your little slip." He was more forward this time, gesturing to you with a tilt of his head - even if he was head over heels for Sacchan, at least he still genuinely cared about you.

"It's nothing, just realised I've got a test today and that's depressing enough." You thought it was acceptably convincing, though the calculating gaze he'd locked onto yours made you reconsider.

“(Y/n) I know I can be annoyin’ but I’ll do anything I can to help y—“

“I’m fine.” You instantly corrected, reaffirmation following. “I’m fine, Atsumu.”

A gentle pat on his chest told him not to worry, and the nod you gave said you wanted to be alone. So, he let you walk away, your wrist slipping from his grip.

———

Even weirder than the smitten pair hanging out was that your conversations with Sachiko seemed to revolve around him too. Which by your deductions, meant he’d certainly made more of an impression on her than anyone else recently. Maybe Atsumu really had a shot with her…

"Atsumu is so hot isn't he?"

"I guess he keeps in shape, he has to if he wants to improve his skills."

"Uh yes... his hair suits him though, brings out the colour of his eyes~" She gleamed, searching for your reaction and once more her face dramatically dropped at the deadpan reply.

"Makes him easier to differentiate from Osamu."

"True, but I'm asking if you find him attractive?!" Her impatience had gotten the better of her, voice raised slightly out of desperation.

"Isn't that a question you should ask yourself? I haven't heard you go on about a boy this much since middle school." You quipped, raising a quizzical brow at her.

"It's not like th—"

"Oh hey! Sachiko, (Y/n), you wanna come to practice today?" Atsumus’ hollering tone interrupted the conversation, the blonde strolling into your classroom like he belonged there.

"Yes, we'd love to." Sachiko of course was ecstatic to agree, why would she say no since he’s ’so attractive’. Yourself on the other hand had replicated the Thor meme perfectly…

"Would we though?"

"Yeah ya would! C'mon~" You hadn't the chance to protest further when Atsumus' hands clamped your shoulders steering you in the direction of the gymnasium with a giggling Sachiko skipping behind.

———

When Atsumu had asked you to meet him after school before practice started toward the end of the year, you expected something food related or about homework answers, not whatever this was.

Here he stood, flowers in hand and apparently a homemade bento box offered to you with a growing blush painting his handsome features and an aura of flustering about him which was unusual in itself.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm— isn't it obvious?!"

"I have literally no idea what's going through your thick skull, Sachiko will like the flowers though." You answered honestly, crossing your arms.

"They're not for her!"

"Oh... Suna...?"

Atsumus brows furrowed at your wit, shaking his head with a huff.

"Alright ya got me, they're for Sachiko. Yer gonna deliver them since yer her best friend. Thanks and make sure ya eat some of the bento 'cuz there's stuff yer will like in it. Later!" He basically threw the flowers at you and pushed the bento box into your chest prior to storming toward the exit.

You stood dumbfounded, flicking between the two items when he placed his forehead against the door with a defeated sigh and spun on his heel.

“Go! Go on, the team are here and I don’t want ya getting hit with a face full of leather and petals.” He’d stubbornly commented, ushering you out of the gym.

Still, you shouldered your sadness, wearing false confidence like your favourite outfit as you went to find your friend (completely oblivious to the embarrassed mess whining to his teammates inside).

Sachiko squealed when she saw you, leaving her work unattended and rushing to your side admiring your haul.

"It finally happened! Oh my goodness!"

"Yeah yeah, blondie came through congratulations." You boredly spoke, placing the items down whilst she basically vibrated with pure joy.

"Congratulations indeed! Are you happy?"

"Eh. He did say we should share the lunch."

"That's... weird?" Sachikos’ prior energy disappeared as she looked to you in confusion.

"I know, that's what I thought. Apparently there's things I like in it."

"Well obviously. Atsumu made it for you."

"No, he made it for you."

A moment of silence passed, yourself and Sachiko locked in a puzzled stare off.

"Nah, let's be honest, Osamu probably made it~" You dismissively waved your hand once placing the items on her desk, although it was only you who found humour in the situation.

"No (Y/n) I'm serious! Atsumu has been asking me about you and your preferences for months and I've been super excited about it. He even wanted me to find out if you liked him or not —of course IF I found out, I would've kept it to myself— but he really likes you."

"I thought he was into you, I mean everyone is into you." You adamantly justified, as if it explained everything but Sachiko was just as passionate.

"Not him, why do you think he keeps asking you to practices or bugging you every 5 minutes?"

"To get close to you? I don't know."

"No! To get close to you!"

Widened eyes and a look of pure shock told Sachiko her words had finally resonated with you, the truth burned brightly and she could only smile as you ran.

Abandoned were the flowers as you dashed through the halls and came to a skidding halt before the gymnasium - fingertips hesitantly pausing against the door upon hearing Atsumus' cursing whines.

"I didn't even get to say! They just ran off to Sachiko!"

“Ya literally said ‘Go’.” Osamus voice maybe?

“Yeah well, I don’t ever wanna walk away from (Y/n), but it feels like they’re always walking away from me…” Atsumu trailed off, more emotion than you thought lacing his words.

"Maybe ya shouldn't have lied?" That was definitely Arans’ blunt advisory tone.

"I had no choice! They were lookin' at me with their stupid pretty eyes and askin' if it was for Sacchan and I didn't wanna disappoint 'em."

"Yer an idiot." Osamu gladly highlighted, the perfect moment to walk in and make your presence known you decided.

"I know! But—"

"Atsumu?" At the sound of your call, the entity of the team turned in your direction, the setter being the first to respond.

"Huh?! (Y/n) what are you doing here?"

Osamu and the rest of Inarizaki seemed to understand the underlying tension and were quick to evacuate the area.

"I came to tell you that Sachiko liked the flowers." You awkwardly started, Atsumu running fingers through his hair with a quiet voice.

"Oh, right."

"As did I, and I think I'd like to get you something in return."

"Eh?"

"She told me what was going on." You filled in, hands behind your back fiddling with your fingers.

"She's lying! I do not like you at all, let alone find you attractive or anything!"

Much like you predicted, he'd jumped to conclusions and had inadvertently dropped himself in it and exposed the truth Sachiko had enclosed which earned your witty reply.

"Funny, I never mentioned anything about liking me. That’s good to know~"

"Wait— then what?" Atsumu defused, utterly confused and blushing.

"And it's a shame, I was about to confess my feelings for you but I see there's no need since you 'don't like me at all'." You shrugged haphazardly, a hint of sarcasm lacing your tone but it was your statement that revitalised his spark. Enough to abruptly skid in front of you with a commendable justification when you’d started to turn around.

"You still can, nothin' to lose and all that." A half smile was sent to you, hazel eyes meeting yours. “And please, don’t walk away from me this time.”

"I didn’t want— I mean I—“ A wistful sigh escaped you, confession imminent. “I really like you Atsumu, you're both an incredible player and a cool person so I’m glad I got to tell you that.”

“I like ya too (Y/n)! So much, and I feel more confident playing when ya come and watch. Yer smile really hypes me up y’know. If yer up for it, I’d love to spend more time with ya.”

"Yeah, I’d like that."

—

That evening, he’d offered to walk you home and there was still one thing you wanted to say after all that.

“Hey Atsumu?” A hum signified his attention. “Thank you for noticing me."

"Noticing ya?"

"Yeah, I just… I appreciate it."

"No I mean, noticing ya? I haven't noticed anyone else since I met ya."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

⚔️ Task Force 141 - NFL AU 🏈

by me (sleepyconfusedpotato) and @alypink ! This AU will include some Original Characters made by us both!

---

New Hampshire 141s, a new rising american football team whose players dominantly came from the United Kingdom, is ready to face the NFL season!

As the previous Head Coach, Herschel von Shepherd got fired by the General Manager MacMillan, John Price (who has roots in rugby) got chosen by MacMillan to bring the team to victory. Let us see which players caught Coach Price's eyes!

John Price (HC)

John Price was born in Liverpool, England, but moved to America when he was still very young due to his father being deployed from the military to an American base. Although his father retired a couple of years later, they decided to stay in America. He grew up loving sports as a child but American football always piqued his interest more than any other sports. He played safety in middle and high school, but in his junior year, he had Meniscal tears that prevented him from ever playing again. John was heavily depressed after his injury, one day one of his close friends, Nikolai, who was also one of his fellow teammates on his high school team, told him to cheer him up to go watch the team play or to attend the training camps, John agreed and started assisting to the games and eventually started to think about becoming a head coach. He was recommended by his former high school head coach to take the job as a defensive coordinator for the New Hampshire Wildcats, a college football team. His performance and playbook were impressive, leading the Wildcats to reach a bowl and winning it twice. He proved to be fit and ready for a professional football team in the NFL and was hired as a defensive coordinator by the New Hampshire 141’s, by the HC at that time, Herschel von Shepherd. His first two seasons were disastrous as there was friction between the players and their head coach, most of the players disagreed with Shepherd's decisions and playmaking. To add to that, he seemed to never care about the player's input or needs. Although in those seasons they held a record of 4 wins and 12 losses, the General Manager of the team noticed his defense was the best in the league for both points and yards, and also noticed that a good portion of his defense players were selected on the all-pro team of those two seasons. After the owner and GM fired Shepherd as a Head Coach, John took his place.  In his first seasons with the 141s, he restructured the team and went to playoffs and one NFC championship. As he wanted to improve his team, he started attending college football games, he attended once a college game in which he met the offensive coordinator at the time, Aly, and after the game he met her to ask about some players he was interested in on her actual team, for QB and WR positions, they became acquaintance since that day and kept communication for some time, as she sent some prospects his way. She also requested his help every now and then, making him attend her games and inviting her over to watch the 141s too. After spending time together and sharing the same interests and love for football, they started to date but kept it low as two months later, John hired her as his new offensive coordinator.

#26 Kyle Garrick (WR)

the most responsible and reliable player of the team. Kyle’s dad was an ex-WR and a former head coach out of a college football team. His father is a very hardworking man and disciplines his son like a football player, and with that, comes a great expectation for Kyle since his high school years. Kyle is extremely reliable, responsible, and respected on and off the field. He is HC John Price's favorite due to his work ethic. Kyle believes in having discipline in everything he does to be one of the best. He keeps a picture of his girlfriend, Eleanor Graham (Ladybug) everywhere, especially in his locker room as he says she brings him good luck for catching the hail mary’s from Alex.  Kyle and Alex met in Baylor University, where they played together and won many games, including several bowl games. They became best friends in and out of the football field, supporting each other infinitely. “You've got friends nearby.” On Alex’s quote, “I can throw the ball like ‘fuck it, he’s over there somewhere’ and Kyle would magically appear and catch the ball. He’s always at the right place.”

One day during practice Alex was throwing the ball too far to the left, which headed straight towards her head. On instinct and in an attempt to catch the ball, Kyle collided with Eleanor, which bruised her arms. Instead of being upset like how Kyle would expect her to react, she laughed loudly at him, saying that she chose to sit there. She knew the hazard of studying near a football field. Even though Eleanor said she can take care of her bruises, Kyle insisted on nursing her. (Alex SMILED ear to ear). They both met from time to time. Every practice, Kyle always looks for Eleanor on the side of the field. Eleanor’s laid-back personality often bothers Kyle as she's a damn med school student, but through her, Kyle learns how to slow down and live in the moment. Love bloomed between them and they became a couple midway through freshman year. 

When Kyle was drafted to the NFL to be with Alex for New Hampshire 141s, Eleanor was there with him when he received the call from HC Price. Though Eleanor has to stay in Texas to continue her studies, Eleanor travels to New Hampshire often to visit Kyle.

#31 Alex Keller (QB)

Alex is the quarterback of the 141s, second draft pick and first QB of his university. He is very skilled and hard-working, he is in love with water girl Farah Karim and aspires to be like Tom Brady. He and Kyle Garrick (WR) met in their first year of freshman in University and they played since their first year as the duo of QB and WR (Burrow and Chase vibes) and were drafted together in the NFL draft by the same team. Young duo but very effective especially during the regular season. Alex Keller met Farah Karim in his rookie season during training camp in his first year and has been infatuated with her. Since then, he has tried to score ASAP or reach 4th down so he can sit on the bench and talk with her. Whenever he can, he visits and picks her up from University and helps her out whenever he can in anything she would need.

#70 Simon Riley (TE)

Simon Riley used to be a rugby player in England. He joined the rugby team during his college days and met Price as one of his coaches, who trained and guided him to become one of the most dominant flankers in college rugby. Unfortunately, though he’s always dependable whenever he’s on the field, Simon was often riddled with injuries. His quiet personality didn’t help his case either, bearing the pain in his left leg in silence, until one day, he tore his ACL during an important game which cost the team their winning chances. Simon rested for a whole year to heal his knee. Together with his familial struggle, he contemplated quitting being an athlete. That was until Coach Price offered him a fresh start in the USA. As a flanker is equivalent to the Tight End position in American football, Price told him that he would be perfect for the role. Simon was adamant at first as he was still injured and how he’d be able to completely heal from this devastating injury. But when he said that in America they could find him a good physiotherapist to help him heal his knee, he reluctantly accepted the offer.  Simon got into the draft and was a first-round pick due to how much of a good player he was in rugby. On his first day on the team, he met the other players who got drafted, but the most important and the most fateful meeting was when he got introduced to Charlotte Le Jardin (nickname Jade to simplify her last name), a physiotherapist that Laswell had promised help him to heal his ACL and help him regain his top form. It was a rough road, but with every step he took, Jade was there to help him.  Now, every injury he has he doesn’t stay on the sidelines but goes inside the tent or the stadium so he can be checked by her. Whenever Jade’s out watching the game, he scores more than usual or gets distracted. He often carries the team, especially during the conference championship games. 

#71 Johnny MacTavish (RB)

Johnny MacTavish was born and raised in Scotland. After high school, he was offered an academic and sports scholarship to a prominent university in the USA. He began his football career when he was a freshman at University as a very talented runner, which elevated him as the starter RB on his fifth game. In his senior year he was  awarded the Heisman Trophy winner at college, but due to a shoulder injury, he missed being the top pick at the draft. He was later selected by the New Hampshire 141s and got put in as a starter as soon as he got drafted. He has good chemistry with his team but gets injured by overdoing himself or trying to tackle defensive players on the other team. He is also constantly with Jade for treatment and often misses important playoff games. Johnny is a very talented running back and that is why HC Price can’t get rid of him no matter how he misses practices and meetings and how his personal life affects his performance on the field. He always tries to take his friend Simon Riley to social gatherings and social media, but he completely shuts him down every time. That's different on the field though, as whenever Johnny's going to play a run, Simon will always be there in front of him to push the tacklers away, making way for Johnny to score a first down or a touch down. They're an unstoppable duo together. Johnny is very popular among female fans, making his jersey the one with the most sales every year. His dating story is pretty large and his games are always attended by the women he dates (which constantly changes).

some memes I made 😭

Here's the Hereford 141S' Logo and jersey design! The logo is heavily inspired by the Task Force 141's logo, so it's pretty much just a sporty twist of the logo!

More characters underneath the cut!

#11 Alejandro Vargas (MLB) and #22 Rodolfo Parra (OLB)

(Drawing to be posted!)

Alejandro and Rudy both moved to El Paso, Texas when they started high school at the age of 14 years old. They were avid football (soccer) players during their time in Mexico, but when they started High School they began to play football. Both Alejandro and Rodolfo played as Linebackers, Ale being MLB and Rodolfo being OLB. They did amazing in High School then they both received a scholarship to attend the university in Dallas, Texas. Both of them were later selected to do the NFL Pathway program, for both of them. Being together since their childhood years, high school and university they were a packaged deal and were both selected on the same team, same position on the NFL draft.  Alejandro is especially hyped when playing against Philip Graves, QB of the Dallas Shadows. They have had beef with each other on and off the field since they played against each other for the first time. Ale’s average sack during a game against Dallas is approximately 5 per game, he sometimes is way too harsh while tackling making him get a couple of flags whenever he blitzes and sacks. He’s often scolded by his friend Rudy, but he does not care as long as he can sack Graves.

Kate Laswell (Defensive Coordinator)

(Drawing to be posted!)

was raised in Virginia, USA. Both her parents and brothers loved football and so did she. Since elementary, she watched and never missed a game during weekends, she always had a fascination for the Chicago Bears and their ‘85 team. Her father told her about how that defense, without an extraordinary QB or offense made them win the superbowl and also made them the best defense of all time. After witnessing that season and that Superbowl, she fell in love with how the defense scheme in football works. Unfortunately professional football for women wasn’t an option, so she studied a lot to become a defensive coordinator. She studied day and night, memorizing the plays, analyzing games and creating new playbooks since she was young. She struggled a lot to have an opportunity since it was a male-dominated team. One of her childhood friends made it to the roster to become a defensive coordinator for the Colorado Buffaloes College Football Team, he was a good coach but not “impressive”. She supported him by attending his games but couldn't help but try to talk to him whenever she thought he could do better, often interrupting his play callings during his games to make him change the play, and it always worked. She and his friend attended a College Bowl, and met John Price at that game, the three of them watched the game and she started to tell both of them what adjustment she would do for both teams, and that piqued John’s interests as she was awfully right, he was impressed by how well she read offense’s routes and how she was able to change from a 3-4 or 4-3 to a hybrid defense. He decided to give her a chance and hired her as his new defensive coordinator for the 141’s and established a very good partnership and friendship with her ever since.

Farah Karim (Intern Physical Therapy Student - Watergirl)

(Drawing to be posted!)

Farah Karim is a university medical student who got an internship in his junior year of college to be the water girl and help around the New Hampshire  141s team. She comes from an immigrant family and is the pride and joy of her parents. She struggled so much in her younger years to pursue an education and get into a good college in the USA, she managed to get a scholarship due to her great school performance and was given the chance to work with a professional football team. She met Alex Keller after his rookie season and developed a close friendship with them that later turned into a romantic interest. She is grateful for his help and also supports him during games. Her classmates usually bug her by asking Farah to let them meet Alex or to set them up with him, which she dislikes very much.

(OC) Alyssa Martinez (Offensive Coordinator)

Aly was born in Mexico and moved to the USA thanks to a scholarship she received when she graduated from High School and moved to Texas to attend college. As soon as she graduated from Texas A&M holding a Bachelor of Science in Sport Management, she started working as an offensive coordinator at a local highschool. She then escalated to being an offensive coordinator for the College she attended. Aly managed to take the team to a College Bowl where she met 141s Head Coach John Price and became acquaintances after that game, they kept communication after that game, as Aly asked for suggestions for her playbook and she helped Price on suggesting him prospects for the upcoming draft selection and also players on free agency.  She was later hired by Price as his offensive coordinator and they began to have a low key romantic  relationship. She specializes in West Coast offense, having her team play the Air Coryell scheme. She suggested Price to draft Alex Keller as he was the perfect pocket passer that would fit their offense perfectly. She’s an avid Tom Brady fan.

(OC) Charlotte Le Jardin (Physical Therapist)

Originally from England, Jade was adopted by an American couple and moved with them to the United States at an early age. Her parents, Eli and Gracie, worked at Bravo Stadium, home of the 141s, and Jade became a constant presence on the sidelines. As time went by, the Bravo Stadium became her home. Jade started helping around the sidelines bringing water, towels, medical kits, and even helping out in the blue tent, all the while completing her college in biological science and doctor of physical therapy (DPT), and of course, licensing in Physical Therapy. When she got her license, her experience was already on par with the other physiotherapists since she had been jumping from senior to seniors, learning and practicing all she could. Kate Laswell who has been seeing Jade there since she was a teenager, hired Jade as one of the many physiotherapists for 141s, and with that came a fateful challenge: a newcomer Tight End with a torn ACL from his rugby days, who’s trying to get back to his top form in order to play in the NFL.

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PHEW so there you have it! If you've read it this far, oh my LORD me and Aly love you so much! This is a pretty severe brainrot that we had, so hope you like it!

And let's enjoy the 2024 NFL Season 🏈🏈🏈

Hope you like it! 🥰🥰

[judgeitbyitscover]

Southern Reach series (10th Anniversary Editions) by Jeff VanderMeer

Cover art by Pablo Delcan

MacMillan, 2014-2024

Annihilation (2014)

Area X has been cut off from the rest of the world for decades. Nature has reclaimed the last vestiges of human civilization. The first expedition returned with reports of a pristine, Edenic landscape; the second expedition ended in mass suicide, the third in a hail of gunfire as its members turned on one another. The members of the eleventh expedition returned as shadows of their former selves, and within weeks, all had died of cancer. In Annihilation, the first volume of Jeff VanderMeer's Southern Reach Trilogy, we join the twelfth expedition.

The group is made up of four women: an anthropologist; a surveyor; a psychologist, the de facto leader; and our narrator, a biologist. Their mission is to map the terrain, record all observations of their surroundings and of one another, and, above all, avoid being contaminated by Area X itself.

They arrive expecting the unexpected, and Area X delivers—but it’s the surprises that came across the border with them and the secrets the expedition members are keeping from one another that change everything

Authority (2014)

After thirty years, the only human engagement with Area X—a seemingly malevolent landscape surrounded by an invisible border and mysteriously wiped clean of all signs of civilization—has been a series of expeditions overseen by a government agency so secret it has almost been forgotten: the Southern Reach. Following the tumultuous twelfth expedition chronicled in Annihilation, the agency is in complete disarray.

John Rodríguez (aka "Control") is the Southern Reach's newly appointed head. Working with a distrustful but desperate team, a series of frustrating interrogations, a cache of hidden notes, and hours of profoundly troubling video footage, Control begins to penetrate the secrets of Area X. But with each discovery he must confront disturbing truths about himself and the agency he's pledged to serve.

In Authority, the second volume of Jeff VanderMeer's Southern Reach trilogy, Area X's most disturbing questions are answered . . . but the answers are far from reassuring.

Acceptance (2014)

It is winter in Area X, the mysterious wilderness that has defied explanation for thirty years, rebuffing expedition after expedition, refusing to reveal its secrets. As Area X expands, the agency tasked with investigating and overseeing it—the Southern Reach—has collapsed on itself in confusion. Now one last, desperate team crosses the border, determined to reach a remote island that may hold the answers they've been seeking. If they fail, the outer world is in peril.

Meanwhile, Acceptance tunnels ever deeper into the circumstances surrounding the creation of Area X—what initiated this unnatural upheaval? Among the many who have tried, who has gotten close to understanding Area X—and who may have been corrupted by it?

In this last installment of Jeff VanderMeer's Southern Reach trilogy, the mysteries of Area X may be solved, but their consequences and implications are no less profound—or terrifying.

Absolution (2024)

When the Southern Reach Trilogy was first published a decade ago, it was an instant sensation, celebrated in a front-page New York Times story before publication, hailed by Stephen King and many others. Each volume climbed the bestsellers list; awards were won; the books made the rare transition from paperback original to hardcover; the movie adaptation became a cult classic. All told, the trilogy has sold more than a million copies and has secured its place in the pantheon of twenty-first-century literature.

And yet for all this, for Jeff VanderMeer there was never full closure to the story of Area X. There were a few mysteries that had gone unsolved, some key points of view never aired. There were stories left to tell. There remained questions about who had been complicit in creating the conditions for Area X to take hold; the story of the first mission into the Forgotten Coast—before Area X was called Area X—had never been fully told; and what if someone had foreseen the world after Acceptance? How crazy would they seem?

Structured in three parts, each recounting a new expedition, there are some long-awaited answers here, to be sure, but also more questions, and profound new surprises. Absolution is a brilliant, beautiful, and ever-terrifying plunge into unique and fertile literary territory. It is the final word on one of the most provocative and popular speculative fiction series of our time

[coconut-dreamz]

delicate

"is it chill that you're in my head?" || tom blyth x famous! reader

a/n: it's my first time writing for tom blyth and i've been obsessed with him and taylor swift songs lately so i wrote this! i hope you enjoy ! slightly angsty, ambiguous relationship between reader and tom

my reputation's never been worse

so you must like me for me

ever since the news came out that you and your a-list celeb ex broke up, negative comments filled your comment sections. all you wanted to do was turn them off, but your pr team was vehemently against it. they wanted it to seem like you didn't care about the criticisms, you didn't, but it was getting out of hand now. 

there were rumors on those stupid gossip sites that you had cheated on him and that it was what caused the downfall of you two. that couldn't be further from the truth, but he and his pr team decided to not comment on it and therefore your management team decided that it would look like you were just trying to cover your ass by denying the accusations. 

but, just when you were in the deep of it, you met tom. he didn't care about what people were saying about you. you had met at a mutual friend's new years party. he hadn't even heard about the rumors about you until you mentioned it. he was a breath of fresh air. 

dive bar on the east side, where you at?

phone lights up my nightstand in the black

you had moved to new york recently to escape the toxicity that plagued your every move in la. you didn't have many friends there, all of them left behind in la. tom had taken it upon himself to show you the best spots in town. 

you were wallowing in self pity, watching dumb rom-coms on a random tuesday evening when your phone lights up on your nightstand. you pause your film and move to pick up the phone. it was tom, asking if you were busy. you quickly reply with a no. he invites you out to a nearby dive bar with him and some of his friends. 

you were hesitant at first, feeling comfortable in your bed. but, tom managed to convince you to  come out. you quickly throw on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt, hailing a cab and heading to the bar in question.

the moment you walk into the bar, tom shouts your name, waving you over to him and his group of friends. "i'm so glad you could make it! this is rachel and josh, they're my costars for my most recent project." 

is it cool that i said all that?

is it chill that you're in my head?

you laugh at tom's ridiculous dancing, you were on facetime as he was on set for tbosas and you were still back in new york. you keep laughing at his antics, shouting out "oh my god, i love you!" you immediately throw your hands over your mouth, eyes widened. did you seriously just say that? "oh my god! you didn't just hear that!" you shout at tom, your face flushed a bright red. you immediately hung up, too embarrassed to face his reaction yet. 

you couldn't lie, tom was always on your mind. you didn't want to admit it, but you were falling for the brit. your thoughts constantly led to him. you could be thinking about tuna and you would somehow end up on tom. 

your phone starting ringing, shortly after you hung up. it was tom. you realized you had to face him either way and answered the call. "i love you too," he admits once the call connects. any shred of embarrassment left your body hearing that. a smile graced your face and a newfound warmth filled your body.

third floor on the west side , me and you

handsome you're a mansion with a view

do the girls back home touch you like i do?

you had originally gotten a rinky dinky apartment when you first moved out here, not expecting to stay long. but the new friends you made helped you fall in love with new york. so, you decided to get a new apartment. this time, on the upper west side. tom was kind enough to help you move from your first apartment to the new one.

after a long day of rearranging the new furniture you had gotten, you and tom were laying on the floor of your living room. he sat up and stared out the window of your new apartment, the view was a lot better compared to your previous one, which was just a brick wall. as he admired the city lights, you admired him. 

you move to hug his back as the two of you enjoy the view of the city below you. the two of you didn't have a label. sure, you told each other that you loved each other, went on dates and even double dates, but you had never called him your boyfriend and you, his girlfriend. you wondered what was stopping either of you from taking the next step and making it official.

was he this way with the girls back home? were you different from the british girls from his past? thoughts of self doubt plagued your mind. "what's on your mind, beautiful?" tom's voice breaks you out of your reverie. "huh? oh, nothing." you try to avoid the reality. "don't lie, i can tell something's bothering you." 

you sigh, taking a breath, "do the girls back home touch you like i do?" you ask him. he's confused at first, "my home's here, with you." and those five little words were able to dispel all your thoughts of self doubt and insecurities. you simply kiss him in content at his words of reassurance. 

it didn't matter if you two didn't have a label yet, you were his home, and he was yours.

long night with your hands up in my hair

echoes of your footsteps on the stairs

stay here, honey, i don't wanna share

after a long night of bar hopping, you two stumble into your apartment. too tired to even take off your street clothes, you both collapse on the bed, quickly falling asleep. it's around 6 am you stir awake. you can hear tom walking up the stairs to your room. "are you leaving?" you ask as he enters the bedroom. "yeah, i have a shoot in a couple hours." he searches around for his missing sock. 

you frown, hearing this. "come back, just for a few minutes." you plead. you weren't ready to let him go yet. to share him with the rest of the world. right now he was just yours, and you wanted it to stay that way. "fine, but only for a little," he agrees, abandoning his search for his missing sock. and instead climbs back in bed into your open arms.

sometimes i wonder, when you sleep

are you ever dreaming of me?

it was another night where tom slept over in your apartment after a night out on the town. you couldn't fall asleep, instead staring at tom's peaceful face as he slept. he had a small smile on his face as he slept. you wonder what he's dreaming about. you hope that it's you and if it wasn't, you didn't want to know. you snuggle in closer to his warm body and decide to try to fall alseep.

sometimes when i look into your eyes

i pretend you're mine all the damn time

you were at your friend's new years party, it had been a whole year since you had met tom. the two of you were dancing wildly to the music playing, tipsy off the champagne. as you stared up into his eyes, you envisioned a future together where you didn't have to question your relationship status with him. 

[cogentranting]

I've been very negative to Umbrella Academy season 4 so far, and overall I didn't like it BUT here are the things I DID like (spoilers)

Lila and Diego naming their daughter Grace

Klaus and Allison looking out for each other at the start and Klaus being close with Claire

Luther's general happy-go-lucky attitude, bless his heart

Five as a CIA agent

Sparrow Ben being a crypto scammer (especially in a world that still has rotary phones)

Diego's one really cool moment of flipping through the air and pulling the hail of bullets around him and then shooting them off in different directions

Luther's hair. Very floofy.

Ben and Jennifer's meet-cute

Diego and Luther's excitement over beating up the CIA team

"Obviously we're meant to be together. Me with my tentacles. You, the miracle squid girl." 10/10. One of the greatest lines of dialogue ever written.

Diego's realization about taking his family for granted and coming home and embracing his in-laws and being enthusiastic about his wife and kids. Far too short, but a good place for him.

Diego somehow managing to hold onto those 3 reindeer through everything.

The suggestion that Tom Holland exists in this universe

The moment of Allison saving Klaus and them hugging with him saying "you came for me"

The reveal of how original Ben died and the reaction of all the siblings to it. Genuinely very shocking and emotional.

the timeline subway concept was cool

Baby shark

the happy ending for the side characters, especially Hazel and Agnes.

the cats in the CIA office

Luther's little elevator fight scene

Validation for Luther's moon mission

the ending use of "I think we're alone now"

[woso-dreamzzz]

Cookies III

Laura Coombs x Reader

Summary: Laura comes home to something she doesn't like

Meeting you had been the greatest accident of Laura's life.

Something that she mused about all the time when she drove home from practice.

It had been snowing earlier in the day, the whole city covered in a soft, white fleece of snow that had Laura's toes freezing in her football boots all practice.

That snow had turned to hail on the one day of the year that Laura had to walk home from training because her car was getting serviced. Originally, she thought that it was snowing and she'd always enjoyed snow even if it made her toes so cold that it was like they were about to freeze off.

Then the hail hit and she was left without an umbrella and freezing cold toes. The hail got harder and harder and Laura was forced to take refuge in whatever the first shop she came across was to wait it out.

You called it a coincidence. She called it fate.

She'd stumbled into the bakery you owned and fell in love on the spot. You were behind the counter, boxing up the pastries that hadn't sold that day when she came sliding in.

You'd welcomed her in, guided her to the back and turned on the oven for her to prop her cold toes in front of to warm up.

You'd baked her a cake at that moment, a big one that tied her over until the hail was done and she could make it home for dinner.

Although she never exactly made it home for dinner. She took you to a restaurant instead, somewhere halfway between cosy and fancy where you spoke about everything that came to mind and earned her your number in return.

She returned to the bakery almost every day to help you lock up and walk home.

Now, you had nearly four years of marriage under your belt and a dog going through the teenage years.

"Hey, Butterscotch," Laura greeted the dog as she stepped through the door.

She hung up her coat and slipped off her shoes, freezing suddenly when she noticed the amount of shoes lined up next to yours. She wildly looked up at the coat rack where coats she recognised hung up over your own.

The voices coming from the kitchen were also recognisable and she stormed into the room.

Her teammates were scattered around.

Lauren and Esme were both sitting at the table while Sandy and Jill were actually sitting on the table, each of them munching on warm cookies with half-melted chocolate chips inside.

Leila and Laia were stroking Butterscotch (the traitor), who had happily trotted straight up to them and flopped onto her back for belly scratches.

Kerstin, Bunny and Jess were sitting up on the counters while Alex and Kelly were both standing by the mixing bowls, listening closely to your instructions.

"How," Laura said through gritted teeth," Did you all get here before me?!"

"Must've taken a detour," Alex said dismissively," Why, Coombsy, unhappy to see us?"

"I see you all for hours at training," Laura replied, arms crossed over her chest," I don't need to see you at my house. What are you doing here?!"

"Baking," Chloe said," What does it look like?"

Laura grumbled something unintelligible under her breath before swiping a hand over her face. "Obviously. But why? None of you are bakers."

"Chloe had an idea," Kerstin admitted, swiping a finger through the batter and sucking it off with a pop," About selling cookies and cakes and stuff at the games to raise money for charity."

"It's not really special if they're store bought," Chloe carried on," So Alex called the best baker we know and here we are."

"Don't worry, baby," You told your wife, pealing away from supervising the mixing to pull her into a hug," They're all going to be put to work eventually. Maybe you can make some of them help you clear out the backyard shed while everything bakes."

Most of the team go wide eyed.

You'd be complaining about the messy shed for nearly two years now and Laura kept putting off sorting it out until she had help and, with her whole team here, it look like she had all the help she needed.

"Excellent," She said, eyes alight with the idea of getting revenge for the invasion of her house. "Esme, Lauren, there's boxes in the garage. Kerstin, Leila-"

"You can't take Leila," You cut in," I've got her down for making my filling. And you can't have Laia either because she's meant to be making my cupcake frosting."

Laura nodded. "Okay, Jess, then. You guys can get the shovels out. Move it girls. Let's go!"

Alexa and Chloe snickered and Laura whirled on them.

"Don't start laughing now," She said," Because I'm coming back for you two as soon as you're done."

[moonstruckme]

i recently found your page and i became instantly obsessed, you're such a good writer!! i'm not sure if you're taking requests rn (if you're not, ignore this hahaha) but i saw a post somewhere saying that when spencer is in love he loses the sense of direction 😭 we saw moments like those with lila and maeve (like he starts walking but then it's the wrong direction <33) and i was thinking about that with bau!reader!! they're on a case and he gets distracted by her and starts walking on the opposite direction or says something wrong and the team is all like??? because he never gets things wrong and maybe morgan teases him or something like that

sorry for the veryyyy long message!! i just thought it could be so cute, and you would write it perfectly!! obviously if you want to write it in a different way it's okay, i would be happy if you wrote it (but again, if you're not feeling it it's completely okay!! 💗) thank you and have a good day :))

Thank you sweetness <3

Spencer Reid x bau!reader ♡ 539 words

There’s an eyelash on your cheek. You’re staring at the board, and your lips are all pursed, and you’re sitting forward on your elbows, and there’s an eyelash on your cheek. Spencer has no idea how you haven’t noticed it, sitting there with both ends curled upward, precipitous on the curve of your cheekbone.

You’re saying something to Hotch about the overly gruesome nature of the case, how it points to a connection with the victims. Your cheek moves as you talk. The eyelash looks like it should be a breath away from falling off, and yet it stays stubbornly in place. Spencer really, really wants to get it for you. It’d be such a tiny gesture, the quick brush of his finger underneath your eye, so brief no one would have the chance to question it. He wonders if you believe in wishing on eyelashes. He’s seen you throw salt over your shoulder more than once, but you claim it’s more a habit from childhood than actual superstition. Still, you’re more a romantic than you like to let on. But the origin of the salt tossing is more rooted in Christianity, Spencer thinks, whereas the practice of wishing on eyelashes is more recent and often suspected to be rooted in Paganism. It supposedly emerged only in the eighteenth or nineteenth centuries, when someone in the British isles spread word that blowing an eyelash off your finger was the equivalent of blowing away the Devil, and eventually the belief morphed into good luck and wishes. Spencer wonders what you’d wish for. 

“And it’s pretty clear what this is hailing to.” Prentiss’ voice is weary. 

“Paganism,” Spencer says quietly, absentmindedly.

“What?” 

Spencer blinks, returning to the room to find the entire table has turned to look at him. “Sorry, I—I was thinking about something else.” He glances at the board. “Jack the Ripper. The degree of mutilation is the same.” 

“Right,” Hotch says, instantly back on task. “And if we’re right, he’s going to act again soon. Wheels up in twenty.” 

Spencer picks up his bag, but doesn’t leave the room. “Hey,” he says as you stand, stepping closer to you. “You’ve got an eyelash.” 

You blink, almost knocking it askew, but hold still as Spencer brings a hand to your face, brushing it onto his finger. 

Your cheek pushes upwards as you give him a lopsided smile. “Thanks,” you say.

“Wanna make a wish?” 

You make a soft, amused sound. “I don’t believe in that, and I know you don’t either.” But when Spencer holds up his fingertip, you lean forwards anyway. Your mouth purses prettily, a tiny little o, and you blow softly. It’s a small puff of air, but the eyelash whirls off into the air. The both of you track it until it reaches the ground.

You quirk an eyebrow at Spencer as if to say satisfied? and go, passing your hand along his arm fondly as you exit.

Spencer follows after you like you’ve got him on a leash, and it’s only once he’s in Garcia’s office that you say “Do you need something, Spence? I just came to bring Penelope something,” and he realizes he’s completely forgotten where he was supposed to be going.

[opal-owl-flight]

With team past winning I had the thought of Inkfish wearing more traditional-inspired outfits bc of it...4 hails from a coastal highlands that have influences from Ireland and its surrounding areas (basically around where Bottomfeeders hail from?). 3 and 8 come from areas inspired from Japan meanwhile (A region near Cuttlefish County and Octaria, respectively)

Second pic is bc 3 and 8 visit 4 during her clan festivals and dress up all formal for it! (The original prompt is from a friend and I had to jump at the chance to draw 3 in formal wear)

[pekoehoneyncream]

Sergeant John Soap MacTavish Headcanons

Part One

Words: 790~

TW: None (sfw)

Part Two

I think I accidentally gave Soap the most headcanons.

Enjoy!

John isn't Soap's first-name. Well it is, but it's his second first-name. So it's completely legal for him to go by and to have marked down as his first-name on his papers. Soap's mother, Oighrig Mactavish, is a proud Scottish woman who gave all her children Scottish names.  Soap's name is actually Coinneach John MacTavish. 

None of Soap's siblings have a second first-name, but as the first born boy Soap was named for his dad, John MacTavish, who was named after his own father. So technically, Soap is John MacTavish the third. Only Price knows that John isn’t Soap’s only first name.

Soap is the second eldest of the six MacTavish children. The first born was Iseabail, then one year later Coinneach John, then two years later Eilionoir and Donella the twins, then three years later Artair, then one year later Maighread.

Soap was raised with the hard rule that you don't start eating until everyone's sat to the table, you've said grace, and even then only after the head of the house (growing up this was usually his Grandad) has had their first bite. 

In service he subconsciously followed this habit by waiting until after the person of the highest rank at his table started eating, or the person of the most seniority if they're all the same rank. | Ghost hates this because if Price sits down after them, Soap will automatically stop eating until Price starts, and at breakfast Price tends to sip his way through half his morning cuppa before he starts to eat. Ghost originally tried reminding Soap to eat, but it was blatantly obvious Soap felt so dispolite and guilty eating first that Ghost started demanding (silently glaring and kicking shins) Price start eating instead. 

Soap does still say grace as well, but after some razzing he's gotten very subtle about it. No head bowing or closed eyes or clasped hands. Just a pause after he sits down to mentally recite the prayer, then he crosses himself, and he's good to go. 

Oighrig Mactavish, Soap's Ma, was the oldest of her siblings while her husband, John MacTavish, was the youngest of his. John MacTavish's parents have long since passed of old age, while John MacTavish himself died of a heart attack shortly after Maighread was born. | After her husband died Oighrig’s Parents, Soap's Grannie and Grandad, invited her to bring her family down to come live on the family property with them. | Oighrig's family all hail from Uibhist a Deas(South Uist) and are very proud of their Scottish heritage.

Soap's first language is actually Gaelic, along with all his siblings. It was the primary language spoken in the house while he was growing up.

When Soap first got accepted into service his Grannie got him a rosary. With the beads made of rose petals and the cross of real silver. She even got it blessed at their church. Soap only ever takes it off to shower.

Soap is really good at picking things up and learning on the fly. When he puts his mind to something he finds it easy to learn new skills. Is it the adhd hyperfixation? Probably. This man has so many random skills and abilities, he never runs out of weird party tricks. 

Has the weirdest luck. The team has made it a rule that if they’re playing a chance based game everyone else gets to have an ‘Honest try’ before Soap goes, because it's guaranteed that he’ll win it within five tries. | However, he is also the most likely to have innocuous shit go wrong. Visiting a base? The ceiling over Soap’s bunk drips. He’s trying to wash his clothes? The washing machine breaks and traps all his clothes inside. Trying to season his food? The cap falls off the shaker. 

Very particular about his personal bubble. | With strangers: he doesn't like any sort of contact. He's absolutely fine chatting with them, but does not want them in his bubble. | With acquaintances and people he knows he's going to get to know(new teammates, friends of friends, and the like): it's fine if he reaches out, but when they try to initiate touch with him first it gets his hackles up, makes him uneasy and uncomfortable. It pokes at his hindbrain and makes him feel like they’re currying his favor for something. Which is most often false, but he can't help it. | With friends and partners: he has no sense of personal space and loves being tactile.

Soap can throw it back. He knows how to twerk, whine his hips, body-roll, grind, and drop it low. That white boy can dance. This is 10% his older sister Iseabail being a bad influence, 40% bored fidgeting giving him weirdly good muscle control, and 50% him teaching himself thirst-trap dances off the internet. Gaz and he will have little dance parties in the 141's kitchenette, or anytime they're waiting on something really.

Thank You For Reading!

Yes, I made Soap the ultimate Scot. Activision said let's make a scot and gave him an accent, I'm giving him everything he deserves. I'm not trying to make him a caricature, but he is a fictional character, so ╮(^-^ )╭

PekoeHoneynCream's Masterlist

[venture4treasure]

“Stickers and stones”

Words: 1263

Premise: Artsy!Reader and Venture. Venture’s expedition gets extended and their flight back home is delayed. They miss their girlfriend. 

Warnings: Very brief mention of alcohol

Venture mutely picks at their food, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst their chattering crew. After so many project extensions and flight delays, they finally got a break and flew home. Their team had decided to reserve a private room at a local diner for after their plane landed, excited to have some good food and finally relax with each other before heading their separate ways. Venture was originally onboard with the idea before their trip back home got delayed a whole month. They don’t want to bail on their team, so they forced themselves to stay. 

“Oh, lighten up! The flight delays sucked, but we’re here now aren’t we?” One of Venture’s teammates shoves them playfully.

 “I don’t have an appetite that’s all, jet lag maybe,” Venture mutters, forcing themselves to take a bit of their food and a drink from their beer. 

“You always have an appetite,” someone else points out, “what’s wrong? Do share”.

Venture sighs, “I just miss my girlfriend“.

Some of their crew in earshot awe and coo at them making them shove their face in their hands to save some dignity. 

“Why don’t you talk about her, I’d be happy to listen. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.” 

“Well, she moved recently to this city. So, I’m actually only like 30 minutes away from her right now and I feel so robbed! I could be with her right now!” Venture exclaims, “not that I don’t like spending time with you guys, it’s just been a long project”. 

Venture continues, “she moved here to ‘make it in the big city’. I don’t really get it, but the idea makes her so excited whenever she talks about it and I want to support her! And, oh gosh, I brought a bunch of rocks in my carry-on with me so I could give them to her when we see each other in case our luggage takes a bit to fly over… she’s just the best and I miss her so much”. 

There’s a couple soft chuckles that eventually build into a group laugh. Venture blinks in confusion, they’re not sure why everyone is laughing. 

“What?” Venture asks. 

One of their colleagues snaps a photo of them.

“What? What’s so funny,” Venture repeats, voice raising in concern – they don’t know their team as people who would make a malicious joke like mocking their love for their partner. 

Several people gesture at them to turn around. 

Venture screws up their face in bewilderment, but they turn around nonetheless.

You smile brightly at Venture. And Venture’s eyes widen, they kick themselves out of their chair at a record speed to capture you in a hug. You hug back, patting them on the back. 

A round of claps goes up around them. Venture releases you from their embrace, but grabs your hand to hold. They spin around. 

“YOU GUYS KNEW?” Venture all but yells, there’s no real anger. They’re smiling so wide, it almost hurts. 

“Surprise!” 

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” Venture nuzzles your neck, as you smile bashfully, messing their hair, “I missed you so much!” 

“I missed you too,” you reassure, “also, you’re very sweet.�� 

“YOU HEARD ALL THAT?” They feign despair, face heating up with embarrassment. 

Everyone gets a good laugh at Venture’s cry. 

“I think I will be taking this one,” you say towards the table, slinging your arm around them, “thanks for inviting me to do this, and please send me the picture!” 

You pull their hand and Venture follows you towards the exit. 

“Venture’s a keeper by the way!” 

“I know!” You shout back over your shoulder, you can feel Venture groan in embarrassment besides you. 

When you reach the side of the road, you hail a cab. You catch up on news from your day-to-day life, and let Venture ramble about their expedition during the ride to your apartment. You admit to Venture that your apartment is small, much smaller than your previous house. 

“The location was just too good! And the landlord is very kind to me, but it isn’t exactly a big place,” you say, rubbing the back of your neck, “I hope it isn’t too claustrophobic or anything”. 

You unlock the door to your apartment and step inside to turn on the lights. It’s a spacious studio, but it is still a studio apartment so it’s not comparable to the space of a house at all. 

Venture steps inside, taking in the decor – you’d hung up paintings and other creative projects on your walls to make them more interesting. There wasn’t much for furniture, you didn’t want to crowd the place. 

“You framed these?” Venture asks, pointing at a framed painting. It is their painting and isn’t particularly good compared to yours. 

“Of course! You made them for me, didn’t you? That makes it one of the most important things to show off!” 

Venture makes a flustered noise at you in response. 

You invite them to sit at the dining table, while you pull out something from the fridge.

“Do you want boba? I got some earlier today for you in case you didn’t make it back before all the local places closed”.

Venture gasps when you slide them the drink, it’s their exact order, you would know. They take a sip while you set some sweets at the table. 

“Oh!” Venture digs through their bag, “these are for you!”

You settle down as Venture shows you some rocks, some have crystals sticking out of them and others are interesting colours or textures. They share with you how they came across them and why these rocks are the ones they picked for you. You take them, turning the stones around in your hand, appreciating them. 

“So pretty! They will be added to my collection,” you announce, pointing at a shelf above your desk that Venture didn’t notice before. It displayed countless rocks you’ve received from them, each one with a decorated note propped next to it – the note entails the occasion Venture gifted you the rock and some personal notes adoring it. 

“You kept them all?” Venture is touched, for a moment you think they’re about to cry. 

“No! You can’t cry yet,” you exclaim, hurriedly shoving a small box towards them, “my gift for you, you have to open it first”. 

It’s a custom painted box – an absolute work of art in Venture’s opinion, they can feel the texture of the paint. They gently shake it and they can feel the knocking of items. Taking great care to remove the ribbon – which you might’ve tied a little too complicated because it looked good – Venture opens the parcel. They stare at the contents, they’re not too sure what it is. It’s your art, they know that by heart from the colours and style. 

“Take them out?” You suggest. 

Venture tilts the contents of the box into their hand, and realization strikes them. They’re stickers. They flip through them, there’s a lot of stickers and there’s so many designs. This must’ve taken you forever.

“I-” Venture chokes, speechless. 

“For you, so you can take something that reminds you of me on your trips,” you smile, “put them on your excavator maybe? I made them weatherproof so if you wanted you can”.

“Come here, right now”. 

You get up to move over to Venture’s side of the table and they crush you with a tight hug. You throw your arms around their neck, pressing a soft kiss to their lips. 

“You’re the best,” they breathe into your neck, “I love you. I love you”. 

Author’s Note: Domestic stories are not my forte. To whoever requested, I hope I did your idea some justice o7 

Link to request.

The picture is you standing behind Venture and making silly faces or gestures while they’re confused.

Additional headcanon for this, Venture is one of the younger people in the Wayfinder Society. 

[rappaccini]

okay. i've already autopsied tua but a final overview may be in order. i'll do it one more time.

season one was the only good season of umbrella academy. it had issues, but those issues didn't yet compromise the story or the themes. season one had a stylized production, great cast who at that point were still playing their characters instead of themselves, strong story that mostly carried (though there was some filler), and fantastically coherent themes. the cracks in the foundation were always there. but they could have been fixed.

season two was bad, but entertaining enough to hide its flaws. it had a bigger budget, glossier production value, more action, a cool new setting, more Fun Moments, enough momentum from the source material to mostly fill up the season, and the character assassination didn't have time to reach its consequences yet so everyone acting like the fandomified version of themselves worked for the people who were just here for the fun. it also dropped in the summer of 2020, when people were desperate for escapist entertainment, and there was little superhero fare to compete with (and when the protests happening that summer had people wanting to Say Something about civil rights without actually wanting to change anything). the bar was lower, and season 2 cleared it. but season 2's story broke. look back at the actual story, and you'll see it.

season three was bad, and not entertaining enough to hide its flaws. it had some interesting ideas and good moments, but the whole thing was a slog. the pacing was terrible, the character assassination couldn't be denied anymore, and the momentum from the comics ran out and left the writers to their own devices, which revealed they had no plan, no substantive creative backbone, and no understanding of what they were making. season three could have saved the show with a hail mary of tight writing to pick up the slack, but quadrupled down on the problems and guaranteed it was past the point of no return.

season four was terrible. somehow with a reduced episode count it still dragged, every single character has no growth, the basic logic of the story is missing and the continuity is a mess. and ending the story about abuse victims trying to heal on them concluding that they should all just kill themselves makes the story both pointless and rotten. at this point it was a given. you can't recover from two bad seasons back to back. season two shot the show in the gut, season three let it bleed out instead of healing it, and season four kicked its corpse a few times for a couple klaus jokes, then confirmed that its very existence was a mistake. very meta.

so. what were the cracks in the foundation.

the lack of respect for the source material. as soon as they tried a plot that had no connection to the original comics, they were fucked. but even before season four, they were all over the place. in fact they still haven't adapted most of the comics. john perseus, calhoun, deever, dr terminal, the academy at war with each other in the 1960s, the actual purpose of hotel oblivion, the chimpanzees everywhere, the 1980s period setting, clarissa and oscar, the coming of the squid monster, carla the sparrow, grace having her own secret agenda, the actual character of jennifer? just not here. even the raygun gothic aesthetic is watered down and eventually barely even present.

the spinelessness of the creative team. as early as season 2, they were throwing character arcs and themes in the trash to beg the fans to love them. they had no plan and just wanted cheap thrills.

the lack of internal rules. the time travel mechanics don't make sense. viktor's powers just do whatever. lila's powers eventually just do whatever. the central reveal that vanya's medication had been repressing her powers, set up by klaus using drugs to do the same, is undone by season 2's climax revolving around vanya somehow using her powers despite being drugged. the 'marigold' reveal about their powers makes no sense (why does luther get his body back? we don't know.). there are no stakes with no clear world limitations.

the good victim bad victiming. as early as season 1, the show was arguing that harold jenkins is irredeemable for killing his abusive dad. that should've been your first warning that they were going to try to redeem reginald and have the academy basically kill themselves in the end.

the lack of continuity. as early as season 1, the writers forgot number five had a time travel briefcase sitting in the library, or that helen cho's body was in harold's house when he, allison and diego search it. then they forget when luther got disfigured in season 2. then they forgot how the powers work. then they forget literally everything about the story.

the racism. all the characters of color get the worst plotlines in season 1. allison loses her narrative in season 2 and gets it replaced with a civil rights plotline that concludes that 'hey, there's a black president someday!' diego and lila prance through the jim crow south without dealing with segregation as allison is hatecrimed every episode.

the sexism. look back at how all the female characters are treated. look back at how allison's mistreatment of patrick and claire is glossed over, and lila fully gets away with manipulating diego. look at how vanya's 'redemption' is all about finding maternal instincts she never had until season 2. look at how allison's assault of luther is dismissed the way it never would have been if the genders were swapped. look at how sloane is juxtaposed against allison.

the homophobia. the queer characters were either stereotyped or used as glaad award bait. the queerbait of ben and klaus's entire dynamic.

the ableism. in the comics, luther has mobility aids and his disfigurement is treated like a debilitating condition, not a punchline. his eating disorder isn't mocked. vanya's in a wheelchair after she's shot and goes through months of physical therapy and is still never the same. allison is an amputee. diego has one eye and severe ptsd. everyone's mental illness is taken seriously, including and especially klaus's addiction. in the show these elements are downplayed, absent or fuel for quirky moments.

the show is full of filler. the murder mystery plot, the meritech plot, allison following leonard around, the day that was/wasn’t…. even in season 1, there wasn't enough material to make ten episodes. there was never enough for a ten episode run for any season. and yet somehow the one season with the right runtime still drags.

the spectacle. in season 2 they fully lean into it over substance. case in point: the dance sequence.

actually i'll go into that in detail because the dance sequence sums up the whole show and its downfall.

in season one, the pilot's iconic i-think-we're-alone-now dance sequence was an emotional moment that symbolized how all the characters feel isolated and disconnected from each other, but are secretly interconnected and far more in sync than they realize. the song was catchy, but "i think we're alone now" is literally a commentary on the story it's playing over: now that the academy's abuser is dead, they can finally unwind and love each other, and they can fix their problems by literally "running as fast as they can, holding onto one another's hands." -- and how does the season end? by them doing just that.

in season two, allison, klaus and vanya's salon dance is meaningless because vanya has no clue who these people are, klaus has never given a shit about vanya before (watch season one. he doesn't care.), and allison should hate her at this point in the story. it's just there for fun... but if you swapped vanya with ben it would work as a joyful reunion between these three people. the concept of the dance is fine, but the decision to make it a fanservice moment throws it off.

in season three, the dance sequence comes out of nowhere as a ~wacky random fun moment~ to call back to the first season. the footloose song has nothing to do with the story, it's just fun and catchy. there is no substance to the spectacle anymore. it's just dumb fun.

and season four ends in 'i think we're alone now' for no reason other than to ask the viewer to remember when the show was good. no fun, just dumb.

... let's look back at the themes season one sets up.

the road to recovery takes a very long time, and you will fall off it and have to climb back on.

corporations don’t have your back. they’re soulless and they want to suck the life out of you.

abuse does not make nice people. abuse does not make happy people. there are no good victims or bad victims. (except leonard, i guess.)

it’s difficult to tell where programming stops and free will starts; toxic behavior begets toxic behavior, and we have to own up to it, stop it, and resolve to be better.

redemption is possible. the bad things you did in the past don’t define your future.

you're better together than apart. 

time. changes. everything. it isn’t too late to have the life and the love you wanted. it isn’t too late to realize your talents, or become a better person, or free yourself from a bad situation. it isn’t too late to get together, or to make up or to change your mind. there are no lost causes. the world is worth saving. your enemies are worth showing mercy to. your relationships and friendships and broken families can be salvaged and reshaped into something new and better.

things are fucked, but if we give it everything we have, we can save it, and it’s worth taking up that fight, because nothing is set in stone.

fuck it, be happy. 

remember those?

i'm gonna get into it character by character:

luther.

his entire plotline was meant to be about realizing he was abused, disavowing his abuser and finding his confidence to become the leader he never got to be and go after the love he lost with allison and make a family with her and claire. that was his starting point.

and the fandom hated him rabidly. they said he was just as bad as his father, insisted that he had no redeemable qualities, made fun of his body and his traumas, took the situation with vanya and removed all the moral grays to call him evil over it, and insisted that he was Somehow Abusing Allison.

in season 2, luther has conveniently disowned and confronted reginald offscreen before the plot starts.

he immediately apologizes to vanya, who is an amnesiac and can't actually hold him accountable for hurting her, and the situation is never mentioned again.

his body dysmorphia is played for laughs.

his intelligence and leadership qualities are gone and he's just a bumbling idiot. remember when luther was an astronaut who effectively kept up a faulty space station for four years on his own? could you believe this dumbass was that guy?

he's a punching bag for the fans who hated him.

and season 3 seals the deal. he's still an idiot, he's still hideous.

his romance with allison is destroyed as offensively as possible to reassure the fans who hated alluther.

his romance with sloane is a clumsy attempt to keep the payoff he and allison should have had into the story as they're placating the fans who hate them.

and in season 4, he's... a stripper. he never finds a way to love his body, he just conveniently doesn't have it anymore, and he's still treated like a joke for it.

he never meaningfully takes command of the academy, he just stops trying to.

the wife season 3 insists he loves so much is gone and he doesn't give a shit.

he never even confronts allison for assaulting him, or reconciles with her and has a significant relationship with claire.

he decides to just die.

his entire character trajectory was aborted after only one season. he spent 75% of the runtime with nothing to do, because the fandom hated him and the writers were too cowardly to follow through with his character.

diego.

his entire plotline was meant to be about letting go of his aggression issues by finding his place in the family, reforming his rivalry with luther into a deep friendship based on mutual support and unpacking his 30 year history with vanya in order to finally be happy and in love with her after facilitating her redemption.

and his character's arc is dependent on others....

so in season 2 when luther's arc was canned, so was diego's journey towards letting go of his ego and finding a way to support luther after spending his whole life being pitting against him.

in season 2, when allison's arc was canned, diego ended up with the commission / jfk assassination plot that was never meant to be his. his entire dynamic with number five was hers.

in season 2, because klaus took his vietnam plot in season 1, diego doesn't have one anymore, so there's no way to meaningfully unpack how he feels like his only purpose is violence. instead, his anger issues are totally ignored.

and in season 2, when vanya was split into elliot-page-playing-himself and lila, the romance went out the window too. yes, diego falls in love with lila, but he barely knows her, and all she's done is manipulate, drug, kidnap and hurt him and the academy... yet all that bad behavior is totally ignored in the Show About Abuse And Trauma, because they have chemistry. there's no deep, complex history between them that could have anchored the relationship. the redemption arc itself is rushed and undeserved.

oh, also, he doesn't feel upset about eudora anymore. never mentions how he got her killed, or that he loved her.

then in season 3, diego has nowhere to go but deeper into his romance arc. he has no tension with luther to resolve (and with the show assassinating alluther, there's no 'we both love our girlfriends and want to make it home to tell them that, so let's get over our bullshit and help each other get there' revelation like in the comics). his relationship with lila gets even weirder, with her... deciding to babytrap him, getting a kid killed in the process, and it being framed as quirky and hot. and no eudora again.

and in season 4, diego is a family man who doesn't give a shit when his kids are wiped from existence, whose marriage is about to implode. who decides to just die.

there's just... nothing. he's just himbo #2.

allison.

her entire plotline was meant to be about realizing how culpable she is in the abuse of her family, unlearning those manipulative tendencies and figuring out how to exist authentically, making amends with the people she hurt-- especially vanya and her ex-husband and daughter-- and restarting her life with someone she can love: luther.

allison isn't formally character assassinated until season 3, but she was wrong from the start.

because in season 1, they had her be already past all those things in the pilot episode because they're too sexist to let women be messy. allison is conveniently totally in control of her behavior and has already decided not to use her rumor anymore. she already accepts responsibility for hurting her ex and daughter.

and the writers refused to let her and vanya be angry at each other because ~we don't believe in girl hate~. leading to allison forgiving her for slitting her throat and leaving her to die.

in season 2, the writers wouldn't give her the commission plotline from the comics. allison was the protagonist of the dallas arc, who had a complex story about being willing to alienate her loved ones in order to save them, being ruthless enough to belong at the commission, making deals with the devil to get her powers back and save her the academy.... and unknowingly creating a paradox where she is responsible for the traumatizing incident of watching someone be killed when she was a girl.

instead, allison is saddled with a c-plot about how you have to be nice when you protest, and how fighting back violently against the racist who tried to literally hatecrime you yesterday makes you just as bad as him. rewatch that scene. look at how it’s framed. that’s the takeaway.

and throughout allison's time in dallas, none of the academy check in with her on how she's doing. no one cares. even when she was attacked at a protest they all know she was at, no one asks her if she's okay.

instead of showcasing allison's ruthlessness and dedication to her family, we meet her having conveniently moved on after her daughter was killed, happily settled into dallas with a new relationship, and having given up on ever finding a way home.

instead of showing allison learn to adapt to life without her rumor, we meet her having already figured out how to get a job, make friends, and have a relationship without it. she doesn’t even have to find the courage to join the activists because she did already.

instead of allison learning how to live without a physical voice, she can just talk again. her power's just... back.

instead of allison being rightfully furious at vanya for disabling her, depowering her, stranding her alone in the jim crow south for years, and killing her child... she instantly forgives her. dance party! no girl hate here!

her romance with luther is intact, but the writers know you hate it, so they're trying to please you by giving her a romance with a man who she doesn't trust with any information about her, who doesn't trust her, and who allison doesn't hesitate to abandon five days after luther shows up. but hey they have chemistry, so they were Truly In Love, apparently. no seriously, the raymond romance is bad.

season 3 tries to do the heavy lifting with the messier aspects of allison, but this happens too late, and it mostly functions as a way to assassinate her character to turn her into an angry black woman stereotype so they can kill her romance with luther as meanly as possible, and set sloane up to take her place.

she suddenly cares that her daughter is dead and that viktor technically killed her after an entire season of not caring. and her decision to alienate the academy to save her rings false because she spent two years not caring. why now.

her romance with luther implodes when the writers decide to just do what the fandom wants and make it Toxic All Along, after two seasons of framing it in the most positive light possible. and allison sits front row at his wedding to a woman he barely knows, smiling through it like that wasn't supposed to be her, or like she didn't just assault him.

because viktor and allison have had such an artificially nice relationship, there's no payoff to them learning to love each other again, like viktor encouraging the group to sympathize with allison afterher betrayal.

the effect of this is that at the end of season 3, allison has regressed into the person she was before season 1, but do you even want to see her get better or get along with the academy after she tried to assault luther, killed viktor's stepson, and sold everyone down the river to live in a fantasy world?

good news! all that doesn't matter in season 4! luther and viktor never confront allison for doing that to them. the whole family's over her betraying them. raymond? oh, he's just gone. yeah, he left between seasons. we won't even unpack the implications, or that allison's right back to being a divorcee whose husband abandoned her after learning what she did with her rumor, trying to live without that power. oh and don't worry, she isn't dependent on her power anymore. yeah, we just solved that offscreen again.

claire's here, but is there even a point.

allison and klaus's relationship is intact, but because the show won't seriously examine klaus's addiction, we can't discuss how they enable each other, or how allison's manipulative tendencies or klaus's flightiness and addiction might be affecting claire. no more intergenerational trauma discussion here.

allison has nothing to do because slowly learning how to admit how much harm she inflicted on her loved ones, live without her power, and earn vanya/viktor's trust back was her arc and it's... all over the fucking place.

then, she decides to just die.

klaus.

his entire plotline was meant to be about realizing how much damage his addiction has done to himself and his family, getting clean and conquering the crippling fear of his power that made him an addict in the first place.

then in season 2, he's clean offscreen. no exploration of klaus trying to stay on the wagon for the first time in decades. we're just three years into him being totally fine sober. no complications.

and his relapse is played for laughs instead of treated like a devastating moment.

in season 2, his grief over dave is glossed over. yes, we see dave for five minutes, which is more than the three minutes he got in season 1, but klaus is Moved On Already. no discussion of what this relationship meant to him (... or how ben was affected, being the third wheel). no rumination. just a quick 'here's dave to shut the fans up' and on we go.

in season 2, klaus's excitement about exploring his powers' potential is gone already. yeah, he figured them out offscreen.

his cult plotline replaces his comics story of being a clubkeeper in vietnam and becoming a father (yes, klaus has a baby in vietnam), and the entire plotline is a mean-spirited metanarrative about how dumb the writers think his fangirls are. like. fucking look at the narrative. they're making fun of you.

and yet there are no serious consequences to the implications of klaus immediately turning into his dad the second he gets a little power. he isolated a bunch of people from the outside world, derailed their lives, tattooed them, got them hooked on the idea that The End Is Nigh and Only He Can Save Them, got them to have sex with him, and only stopped manipulating them because he was bored. not even because he realized it was wrong.

his relationship with ben is queerbaited to hell, and has no resolution.

he spends the entire season deliberately keeping ben isolated from the rest of the academy, and this is never meaningfully examined. klaus is an absolute bastard in season 2, and the writers don't acknowledge it.

by season 3, he's just a joke machine and a flamboyant stereotype. he never has a substantive interaction with sparrow ben, or struggles with his sobriety or his addiction in a way that takes it seriously. even his meeting with his mother feels empty.

and in season 4, the mothers of agony plotline from the comics is so disjointed that it's meaningless. in the comics, this is his lowest low, that ben helps him come back from.

any depth to the implications of his immortality is gone. it's just funny that he's a germophobe.

(... immortality? how'd he get killed in the first season apocalypse timeline then. no answer? okay.)

any potential in his relationship with allison and claire is gone.

like luther, his crucial development is skipped over and he spends half the season wandering in circles making jokes.

and he decides to just die.

five.

his entire plotline was meant to be about learning to trust the academy and work within them as a team member rather than running off and doing his own thing. and about slowly learning to be a person instead of a vehicle for the mission.

in season 2, he inexplicably lets the commission go and trusts they're Good Now thanks to new management, after making it clear in season 1 that he can't ever trust them.

in season 2, his antipathy with vanya is transferred to lila. he never accepts responsibility for his role in leading to her isolation.

in season 2, instead of trying to get the family together, he's still working on his own.

in season 3, instead of riding hard for viktor and sympathizing with him, he calmly tells him he'll put him down if he ever steps out of line again and ignores him the rest of the time.

for three straight seasons, he's the plot driver. but three seasons in with no other characters having a coherent arc, the plot driver became all he was. he couldn't slow down or have an emotional moment because he's the only thing moving things forward and all the people who can bring out those emotions are so ooc that it won't work.

then in season 4... oh boy.

he's not the plot driver anymore because there's no plot.

five slowly trying to embrace domesticity could have been interesting... but boy does it fall flat.

five created the commission! no, we won't discuss the nature of him being responsible for his own abuse, or perpetuating the cycle that led to the apocalypse and the academy's misery.

five falls in love... with his brother's wife, who he hates, who hates him because he hog-tied and tortured her parents to death in front of her when she was a little girl. okay.

then he decides to just die.

ben

his entire presence in the story was building to a reveal that he's only staying with klaus because he's in love with him.

in season 2 they queerbait that connection for ten episodes by framing him as a literally possessive boyfriend, give him a 'love interest' in jill that makes no sense, kill him off in a scene that makes no sense because that's not how their powers work, and have the vaguest 'by the way he was in love with you' reveal via vanya that feels like an afterthought.

klaus keeps ben from talking to anyone in the academy for the whole season for no reason. he never mentions why, ben never gets mad at him. there are no emotional consequences. ben spent an entire season able to talk to the academy and inform the world and nothing ever comes of this.

in season 3, ben's a totally different character. none of the umbrella academy have emotional reactions to seeing him alive.

not even klaus.

and he feels nothing for them.

he also feels nothing for the sparrows, who drop like flies around him without him giving a shit.

in season 4 he's a completely different character again.

no interest in reuniting with his sparrow academy mates, or the umbrella academy.

he's a crypto bro for some reason.

the south korea subway ending stinger? idk where that went.

the show does use the comics' likely endgame of ben being the portal through which the final antagonist arrives. but they do it in such a strange, meaningless way.

the romance with jennifer comes out of nowhere and makes no sense. it's unclear why he'd want to become a blob with her. there's no emotion anchoring this plot.

also, jennifer was a large, dark-skinned black woman in the comics and... isn't here. (it's also unclear if jennifer was romantically involved with ben in the comics, or if she might have been one of the kid's mothers. so uh. we'll see how that ends up.)

his tentacles come out of his back sometimes. huh?

the reveal that he was killed by their father and they were all brainwashed makes no sense. especially given that allison has brainwashing powers that are never used to cover this up.

there's never a meaningful payoff for ben as a character.

and vanya/viktor…

to start, seasons 1-2 will call her vanya because that's how the character was written, performed and received. seasons 3-4 will refer to him as viktor. that's why the name/pronouns switch back and forth in this post. those are two different characters.

alright i'm gonna say it: the show basically killed off vanya at the start of s2 and split her into two characters: lila, who's the white violin from the comics-- and has vanya's style, punk musicianship, romance with diego, mutual hate with five, alliance with the commission, status as the most powerful character, and role as the antagonist who needs a redemption arc that rejoins her with the family-- …. and the character that would become viktor, who's just elliot page playing a flattened version of himself for token queer points.

the show literally got rid of its main character one season in, sped past all the conflict with the academy to the part where they're all besties again, and gave all the interesting shit to an oc. and they did it because they cared more about profiting off of elliot page's queerness than trusting him to do his job as a professional actor, and supporting that performance in the face of a fandom that only saw him for his sexuality/gender identity.

season 2 skips over vanya learning to use her power and lose her fear of it. she's just good at it now. also, the character will never use the violin to channel her powers again, and will never again acknowledge her love of music, because elliot page didn't like playing the violin. like, sir. what are you doing playing a character called 'the white violin' then.

season 2 skips over her rage and hatred of the academy. instead of being afraid of them, avoiding them, and being hostile whenever they interact, she's instantly cool with them, dismisses their years of mistreatment and dismissal, and is part of the family with no friction despite trying to kill them, blowing up the world, and killing their niece.

season 2 totally resets her personality. amnesia! she's nice again! we know you hated her when she was angry, so don't worry about that!

season 2 gives her a romance with someone who she has chemistry with, but who fundamentally doesn't understand her. the entire relationship is just fanservice. remember the lesbian vanya truthers who thought elliot page could only play characters who were lesbians because he identified as a lesbian at the time? remember their "give vanya a girlfriend" whining? this entire plotline was for them.

season 2 hands the moment where the academy understands vanya and empathizes with her in a moment of superpower meltdown.... to harlan.

in season 3, diet elliot page just becomes overt. it's great that page's transition was incorporated into the show at his request, and at this point the damage to the character's so massive that at least they're being honest about the character just being a different entity from vanya entirely. like, fuck it. you already gave all of vanya's character to the oc. might as well.

though it's great that the transition is quickly incorporated into the story, it happens so quickly that a very easy plotline for viktor in s3 is just rushed past. he has so little to do, the transition is such an obvious fix, and they just... don't do it.

because viktor magically has full control of his powers, there's no more growth from him. and at this point his powers just do whatever. who even knows what his abilities are. the show sure doesn't.

viktor is a beloved member of the academy with no friction whatsoever, even though they're trapped in an alternate dimension because of him

allison's anger at him is demonized instead of deconstructed.

the harlan plotline certainly exists. very funny that the show casually reveals that vissy ruined sissy's life and never goes into the emotional consequences of this.

in season 4... yeah this character has nothing to do. he never expresses anger at allison over killing his stepson. his powers are even more vague. he's in canada for some reason, just to complete the transformation into elliot page.

then he decides to just die.

the main character of the story was essentially killed off one season in. the whole thing became adrift because without vanya, there's no main character anymore. no central antagonist with history with the academy, no emotional weight to their connection, no payoff to a slow redemption arc that unfolds over multiple seasons. just shenanigans.

lila

took over the vanya storyline in season 2.

lila is vanya from the comics.

vanya's hatred of the umbrella academy and antagonism towards them? it's now lila's.

vanya's alliance with the commission to destroy the world? nope. lila's the commission's ally now.

vanya's status as the most powerful character? now it's lila.

vanya and five's mutual hate? now belongs to lila and five. even the fiveya vibe rubberbanded into That in season 4.

vanya's slow redemption from a hateful villain of the academy into one of its most crucial members is handed to lila. who barely knows these people, has only ever hurt them, and yet is treated with more empathy with them after three days than vanya received in thirty years.

vanya being set up as the character who'll save the umbrellas from the sparrows? nope, that's lila now.

vanya's romance with diego? that's lila's now. no, it doesn't make sense but they have chemistry.

then in season 3... oh god. instead of unpacking lila's severe mommy issues from being abused by the handler, she's just over them now.

the academy immediately trust and embrace her even though all she's ever done is hurt them.

and for some reason, this character who's shown no maternal instincts randomly decides she wants to be a mom because her one night stand with diego, who she knew for a few days, got her pregnant.

and she tries to convince him a little white boy is their kid to test if he'll be a good father and doesn't give a shit when that child turns to dust. what are we doing here.

then in season 4, their romance doesn't even mean anything. neither does their family. they're already on the verge of a divorce. which... yeah, follows, given what their romance actually consisted of.

then she hooks up with number five, who killed her family in front of her when she was a girl. what.

.... and then we die.

the whole thing came apart in season 2. you just didn't notice yet.

and here's where i get cunty and set aside my belief that writers have an inherent responsibility to never kowtow to their fans no matter what, because the fandom is a big part of how things went wrong, and someone has to talk about it.

the umbrella academy begun as a complex metaphor for recovering from abuse, using superheroes in a gothic-adjacent setting. every single character's power is allegorical of an attribute one may take on from living in an abusive home. (and part of the missed potential in lila is the failure to fit her into that metaphor too). and the metaphor is literally in the name: the umbrella academy.

it's an academy. not a family. the characters are only adoptive siblings because reginald needed a legal way to bind them to him. they grew up in a twisted boarding school, which they explain again and again, and call each other siblings out of habit, which they also explain. and they are choosing as adults to overcome the trauma that pitted them against each other to become a found family.

... i'm gonna say it. the pseudoincest is a vital part of the story, the same way it is in the comics. that was how they were going to love each other. their ability to love each other was the sign that the brainwashing failed, and the found family was, like actual found families, going to involve some of those people pairing off romantically. allison and luther. ben and klaus. vanya and diego-or-five. that was the story.

the umbrella academy is both a giant metaphor for healing from a dysfunctional family, and for finding a queer found family (... it's the umbrella academy. that's the part of the allegory that's still unfulfilled. everyone in this story is queercoded, not just klaus and vanya/viktor. the show massively dropped the ball in not exploring this deeper.) and the fandom screamed, whined and harassed their way into having it scribbled out of the story, and the writers were cowardly enough to do it for you. if you're wondering why they kept trying to sneak alluther in through the back in season 2, still had a harcest couple get married in season 3, and pivoted to shipping lila so hard, that's why. it's the most important thing about the story, and you hated it. is it any shock that the story ends with all their relationships stunted, and no love between them.

remember all those themes from season 1? remember how you guys hated them? remember how you concluded that luther is an irredeemable monster, and klaus is an innocent little baby, and vanya is somehow both and neither? remember how you were completely uninterested in watching everyone redeem themselves, and wanted to skip to the Fun Sibling Moments? remember how you immediately dismissed half the characters as lost causes, and directly demanded that the writers not let the characters love each other? congrats, the writers were listening!

the umbrella academy comic is meant for adults. the show was made for a wider audience and the writers were totally unprepared for the fandom of antifan teens they got. and they overhauled the show to make it what that fandom wanted. more fun, less substance. making luther a bumbling idiot and sidestepping his entire arc. making diego a himbo. skipping allison's complexities until it's time to demonize her for them. making klaus into the cartoon version of himself. making vanya into diet elliot page and handing all her storylines to a new character. dismantling the show's core tone to make it a fanservice carnival. creating vissy, allmond and dielila in the first place, and coining the ship names before the fandom even chose them. making alluther toxic all along, and swapping her out with a white-passing replacement. it was all for you.

then when they ended the show, they flipped off the fandom on the way out. of course it was going to end like that. you spent five years playing oppression olympics, making bigotry self-righteous, and declaring you didn't want a transformative ending for these characters. the writers gave the fandom the hopeless, nihilistic, meandering, substanceless, nonsensical ending it was demanding all along.

so. where do we go from here.

first of all, to ao3, for those of you who haven't moved on.

next, to the comics. assuming way ever wants to finish them, now that he's received an overwhelming message that the audience for his story hates it and prefers the bastardized versions of his characters. i get the sense he'll probably leave it unfinished. i don't blame him.

then... the umbrella academy was a massive success. it's going to get a reboot someday. in 10-15 years, we're gonna get it back. my hope is that

whoever has that responsibility has a clear vision and the talent to pull it off, the backbone to stick with it, and more loyalty to the source material. no subverting expectations for the hell of it. no kowtowing to antifandom. make a plan and stick to it and have confidence in it. hopefully, the next showrunner won't be a terrible person.

the next version of tua will be mature. so the adults who will watch will hopefully be old enough to understand what they're seeing. this truly isn't a show for kids. the fandom has proven that. let's not do it again.

that it'll be animated. the incredible visual aesthetic of the show and its edgier elements could never have been captured in live-action. and now that adult animation's starting to arrive, including on netflix, maybe in a decade or two we'll finally get the umbrella academy fully realized.

anyway. that's my piece.

[bitter69uk]

Released in German cinemas on this day sixty years ago (26 June 1964): Jayne Mansfield’s wildest and weirdest film Dog Eat Dog (1964). Also known as: An Act of Violence and When Strangers Meet. Tagline: “When a love-starved sex kitten teams up with a deadly killer, the action explodes right between your eyes!” This nihilistic Euro-sleaze crime thriller enthralls from its opening seconds. Soundtracked by urgent twist music, glimpses of Hollywood glamour queen Mansfield (clad in a babydoll nightie and ratty bouffant wig) writhing in orgasmic ecstasy in a bed full of money are intercut with sweaty, desperate Cameron Mitchell running for his life through dark streets at night pursued by cigar-chomping, maniacally cackling villain Ivor Salter in his convertible. We swiftly discern that Dolph Kostis (Salter) and Lylle Corbett (Mitchell) are thieves who’ve just committed a $1 million heist. Psychotic Kostis killed another accomplice because he didn’t want to split the proceeds. Trampy Dolores (Mansfield) is his moll. The trio go into hiding from the police – and things swiftly unravel! Watching Dog provokes the question, “What kind of film is this?” Early on we grasp Dog’s unusual priorities when – just as the suspense should be building – it cuts to an interminable Eurovison-style musical number in its entirety.  Closer to a paranoid psychodrama than a straightforward heist movie, Dog keeps detouring into unexpected tangents and the tone grows nuttier – more art-y, psychological and bleak – as it proceeds (all for the better. Apparently, three directors toiled on Dog - trying to salvage it? - which might account for its strange lurches in tone and overall incoherence). Ultimately, Dog belongs to Mansfield, tangibly enjoying herself as an unrepentant bad girl. “I’ve got a pash for the cash!” she admits. It feels inconceivable that Dolores was originally intended for Elke Sommer. (If Mansfield looks particularly radiant and zaftig here, it’s because she was four months pregnant with daughter Mariska during production). Thrill as Mansfield zanily breaks into the twist, exclaims “crackers!” or wails that she needs a new pair of panties! Dog Eat Dog should be hailed as an unsung cult classic! In fact, I demand you watch it on YouTube!

[its-dean]

It's a BareBones Brigade Halloween!

I'm sad that I don't have something new to post for this year's leadup to halloween, but this is an illustration from last year that's still very close to my heart. Everyone on Caliosteo is here celebrating together, the patrol team, the former commanders of the BB Brigade, and even Joe Wildwest himself. What's more, it seems they all decided to collaborate and dress up with some BB Brigade flare (maybe it reminds them all of the good old days).

I remember working tirelessly on this one for a near month, and it was honestly a really fun project in hindsight that I wish I could replicate. I have the distinct memory of staying up all the way until Halloween morning making sure that it was perfect, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Since the image is a bit widely cropped and not the most "mobile friendly," here are some close-ups on the batches of characters scattered around Ribular Isle. Dina and Rupert sticking close together (as usual), Cole lashing out at Lester after finding out that he stole some of his hair dye (as usual), and Pauleen's Amargo acting snarky, Todd getting himself into trouble (as usual).

Here are also some WIPs from this one. This was the beginning of the phase where I started refining my sketch lining rather than doing a whole separate layer of lineart on top of an original sketch. It's honestly super satisfying, and I recommend anyone who likes drawing to try it out!

As for the lighting, when I do a shading layer I like to change everything underneath to be a solid white, it makes it easier for me to create realistic lighting in a 3D sense, almost as if I'm forming the shape of a sculpture. Plus, when it comes out like this before adding in color everyone here looks like a ghost >< (how appropriate)

One more thing, I made these little pfp icons to go with the Halloween vibe, also making one for Kris (one of the characters from my own Fossil Fighters sequel story). All of their last names are purely headcannons of mine, but there's still a bit of meaning behind all of them.

Being that I'm half Greek, I've always seen Dino and Dina as being short for Κωνσταντίνος and Κωνσταντίνα respectively (also because that happens to be my Greek name, where Dean comes from ><) so I think it makes sense to give them a Greek last name that may or may not also connect to something in my own story.

As for Rupert (still going with my own headcannons), both he and Kris originally hail from Bockland, a European-based Fossil Park that's just as big as Vivosaur Island/Caliosteo. Both of them act so posh and well-mannered, and I'd love to come up with a reason for imagining Rupert with a slight British accent. Kris's story comes a good 9 years after the events of the first 2 games, but she shares a lot in common with Rupert back when he was her age, much more than just being from Bockland.

Thanks if you read this far. I'm both happy and sad to be able to share and talk about this illustration again. If there's anyone here on Tumblr seeing this for the first time, then I'm very happy I can share with you.

I hope you all have a happy week leading up to Halloween night!

[fulgurbugs]

Headcanon ask (I'm sorry the Pokemon SwSh thing made me think of this all of a sudden): Octopath / Pokemon -- gym leaders! Who would be a gym leader and what Pokemon type would they specialise in? (Alternatively if the main antagonist of each Octopath character's story was a gym leader what Pokemon type would each specialise in... you know for the characters who actually have a human antagonist for their story... I feel like Redeye would just be a corrupted legendary or something I don't know?)

alright, had another big brainstorm sesh with the bestie @snailcruncher for this one so here it goes

Here’s what we’re going with: everyone gets one type, 4 pokemon. we’re going to get everyone fully evolved versions of their team as if they’re like, the 8th gym leader, mostly so we had more to work with but also didn’t have to give a fuck about nfe mons

as for choosing the types, we basically went by choosing some who felt obvious first, then filling in with what we had left so nobody repeated a type. maybe some don’t fit perfect but yk. also shoutout to inherent class magic types for giving us some pokemon types to fall back on

also, i’m imagining in this scenario it’s probably like. the only example i can think of is cheren (i don’t watch the anime) where gym leaders clearly have gym teams that vary depending on challenge level, and personal teams for outside of the league, so that’s how we’re rationalizing this

anyways

Up first

Ophilia - Ice

Ace: Lapras

there’s not really a good equivalent to “light” in pokemon types, so we decided to go with the frostlands special on this one.

Abomasnow is here to set hail/snow. if any character has a team that benefits from a weather being set, we’ve usually included a setter in their team. so that’s what abomasnow does

ninetales is for aurora veil, which i think is a pretty good equivalent to the sheltering abilities of cleric

frosmoth was on her original team so decided to carry it over. same with lapras, which i think has a fun connection with guiding/carrying travelers on its back, which makes it a good ace for her.

Cyrus - Psychic

Ace: Alakazam

since scholar covers 3 types of magic, pigeonholing it into one is a little difficult. decided to go with psychic, since it is pretty magic-y and most of its mons are known for being very specially focused rather than physically

alakazam gets to be ace because, let’s face it, none of these other guys are sweeping. alakazam is known for being mega smart and also laser beam crater blasting everything, so i think it’s a pretty safe cyrus pick.

claydol is just something i think is pretty fun for vibes. what with its mysterious origins… feels very cyrus ch4 mural a la runerigus he has in his other team

Swoobat. with the ability. unaware.

Oranguru cuz it’s the instructor pokemon ^_^

Tressa - Water

Ace: Gyarados

Since tressa’s from a seaside town, she felt like the best pick for water types.

Gyarados is her ace because, well… magikarp starts out kind of wimpy but turns out it had the best potential of them all (tho tressa herself certainly has a less rocky start) anyways this thing is a dragon dance sweeper and will kill you.

Pelliper rain setter. plus, gulls feel on brand for her. Gastrodon (east) so that she has an electric immunity that this team sorely needs

Palafin for another zero to hero because tressa would not let you get off easy even if you get past one of her hard hitters. she’d have this thing in the back after flip turning it out of there.

Olberic - Steel

Ace: Aegislash

notable “unbending blade” of hornburg olberic gets steel types, clap if you are surprised. no one?

anyways, Aegislash for the ace. i’m sure it’s pretty self explanatory.

Aggron and steelix are pretty much in for the same reason. they’re big. they have high defense. and they’re steel types. escavalier just goes more in on the knight motif while bringing another dual type to the team

Primrose - Flying

Ace: Oricorio

there’s definitely a good argument to be made for something like dark primrose, but to be honest… i like flying for her, because i feel like it works with her kind of caged-bird motif. in addition, flying types cover a lot of dual types, which means i can pick pokemon that can use dance setups or support.

Oricorio is the picture perfect flying/dancer ace. obviously it gets top spot

Altaria as a dragon dance setup sweeper

Vivillion is a shitmon, admittedly, but it was that or butterfree for a quiver dancer, so i went with vivillion because honestly it doesn’t fucking matter they have the same shit basically. i guess this thing can also use sleep powder (and so can butterfree) but it comes in more pretty colorsssss

Swanna gets featherdance, just to cover one more dance. and you know. swans are like pretty and elegant or whatever. allegedly. anyways something something primrose is a beautiful swan.

Alfyn - Grass

Ace: Leavanny

Alfyn greengrass has grass types? this is shocking to nobody. anways, deciding between leavanny or meganium for the ace i eventually decided on leavanny because i say so. but they could both work

vileplume so that he has at least one grass/poison rep. i so rarely use the apothecary poisoning skills in OT but he can like. do that, so….

Sunflora is here because it would use sunny day and do fuck all except be a shitmon, because it is, but personally i think Alfyn wouldn’t gaf because it’s cute and he likes it, and it supports solarbeam/Clorophll for its team which is enough of a job to put it on here

Therion - Fire

Ace: Houndoom

the inherent fire magic of the thief class is here to bail me out in giving therion a gym type. thanks.

Anyways, i’m going with Houndoom as the Ace because he does have an image to uphold. it can’t all be fluffy arcanines or whatever.

ceruldege is here bc A) swords and B) it’s a little hater of a pokemon so it stays. centiskorch is here because it’s one of MY favs and i think it’s fun to put more interesting dual types into these teams, and as much as i love volcarona (my all time fave) it’s not really a therion mon… but i do think he’d be on board with a centiskorch.

then for a sun setter… it kind of had to be ninetales, tbh. i cannot really justify giving mr fastest speed stat in orsterra a turtle. so ninetales it is.

H’aanit - Electric

Ace: Luxray

another one where the inherent class magic gets to bail us out. if i’m being honestly, H’aanit is not much giving electric trainer, but we did our best.

Kilowatrells reasoning here is the same as it was in her original team. it’s a literal thunderbird. (also, no legends here but she deserves a zapdos)

Galvantula is a webs setter. holy shit guys, leghold trap reference.

and then Manectric and Linde are of course, dollar store Hägen and Linde. definitely an intimidate luxray, too.

next we can move onto the OT2 ones!

Ochette - Dragon

Ace: Noivern

ochette… she’s giving 8th gym dragon gym leader. i think her emphasis on finding legends basically tailors her to the dragon trainer for me. as for her mons, i’ve given her three dragons whose secondary types match up with Acta, Terra, and Glacis, while noivern is… honestly it’s just vibes i think noivern is cool and she would like it.

i didn’t really wanna make one of the three legends her ace over the other, so i’ll just say noivern is the ace.

Castti - Poison

Ace: Roserade

now, for Castti, we decided to bend the gym leader rules a bit, so she doesn’t have all poison types, though she does have an entirely poison-based team still. Breloom has poison heal, so we’ve elected to give it a spot, considering it also gets spore and is a fighting type that can throw THESE HANDS.

Zangoose is here for a similar reason, posssing the ability toxic boost, upping its damage when poisoned.

Glimmora of course has two poison based abilities in corrosion and toxic debris, though i’d say castti’d do toxic debris/venoshock shenanigans.

For the mandatory Apothecary Grass/Poison type, i’ve given her roserade. it’s like uh. the flower malaya gave her.

Throné - Dark

Ace: Bisharp

tho throné herself maybe wouldn’t like to be the dark type leader, or at least would wish she wouldn’t get a bad rap for using them, they still fit her (and OT2’s theif inherent magic), so that’s what we’re going with.

Absol: maybe this one is on loan from temenos lol.

liepard is a very evil team-grunt pokemon so i’m giving it to her also it’s purple.

weavile is a little less of a shitmon and also gets the ability pickpocket, plus brings some dual typing to this team. tho she would get her shit so rocked by a fighting type let’s be real

Bisharp: ok so… what if… the blacksnakes… are like a bunch of pawniards. and only the best ones can be bisharps. that’s throne. or something. also, it’s kind of referencing that she’s distantly related to notable kingambit haver hikari. bonus!

Osvald - Normal

Ace: Drampa

hear me out… Osvald normal type trainer. but he uses only dual types, and he also likes to play a lot less straightforward than your average trainer. Ursaluna (for the teddiursa in his original team) makes an appearance, while Farigaraf can set trick room and other fun psychic pokemon shenanigans. Hisui-Zoroark is here to throw another wrench in the mix, being able to throw off incoming fighting type attacks and hit back while making you readjust your strategy. the whole time, the threat of this thing makes you always have to consider if you know what you’re fighting first.

and drampa. this thing is just such an osvald pokemon to me. thank god it’s half normal. he should have it. make it the ace too.

Partitio - Rock

Ace: Coalossal

partitio was a bit of an odd one to pick a type for, but we settled on rock for a few reasons. honestly…. started with the ace and worked backwards, and therion’s already hogging the fire slot. besides, even though he’s looking towards the future, partitio’s definitely a little behind the times initially, so some good old fashioned rock types seem like a good fit.

anyways the coalossal is the ace because he’s ability is. steam engine. lol

lycanroc because. i think partitio would like a awesome doggy and then we went dusk form bc i don’t think he would have the evil one and dusk sucks less than the midday one lol.

gigalith sand setter

and then crustle is cuz we wanted to give him it as a shell smash sweeper. and i dunno they probably have dwebbles around oresrush.

Agnea - Fairy

Ace: Togekiss

Agnea feels like a pretty good fit for the fairy type, tho she does get less dancer-move user options than primrose does using flying types.

Togekiss i feel like is a shoe-in for her ace. it’s a pokemon associated with peace and kindness… i feel like agnea is definitely the kind of person to be able to actually acquire a togepi. also, it gets serene grace, which is a very agnea-ability title. i think she should get to paraflinch people too.

Ribombee is a much better quiver dance user than vivillion, and it’s half fairy, so agnea gets it. i love this thing. it can be so scary if it gets set up.

gardevoir: in our original teams, hikari had this due to its association with loyalty to its trainer/friends. so i think agnea also fits it very well too! since hikari (⬇️down there later ) has been swapped to a gallade to fit his type i’ve given it to her. awesome matching time.

whimsicott is here because she is fun and whimsical. this thing would set tailwinds probably.

Temenos - Ghost

Ace: Houndstone

i’m so sorry temenos but i think it’s really really funny to make you a ghost trainer. like really super funny.

anyways, yamask was on his original team, so we’ve upgraded to cofagrigus here. chandelure is vaguely sacred flame-esque while also being ghost type, tho it’s kind of. ominous but whatever. Sableye is a silly little guy who kind of vaguely references the mirror shard crossed paths. i guess if he mega evolved it i could do that even more with magic bounce but we didn’t really work w megas or regional gimmicks or whatever

and then houndstone comes out last to spam last respects after you’ve killed all this other pokemon just like all the EVERYONE HE KNEW IN REAL LIFE died too you monster.

like i said i think ghost trainer temenos is really funny

Hikari - Fighting

Ace: Gallade

Hikari nabbed fighting type right out of the gate. as compared to olberic who is very definsive brick wall of a guy, hikari feels more versatile in a way that fits fighting types to a T.

I’ve given him heracross because the heracross i caught in my nuzlocke is named after him so i think he should have one.

Lucario is here for a fun friendship evo, while scrafty is here to rep a more “dirty fighter” type of pokemon on the team being fighting/dark.

then gallade gets to be the ace because i feel like it’s the most ace material tbh.

as for your second part we did pick villian types (but not teams), here’s that much more briefly

Mattias: Dark (i feel like this is self explanatory. maybe malamar ace?)

Lucia: Psychic (this seems to must be the type we’re going with for most scholars)

Esmerelda: Poison (because the wound may prove fatal)

Werner: Fighting (idrgaf but i guess he used to run a merc company so i guess or whatever)

Simeon: Normal (hes the least normal guy you’ll ever meet but you’d never guess it from his pokemon team)

Ogre eagle: Iron valiant. 6 iron valiant.

Darius: Ground

i’m just. uh.

Redeye: Iron valiant. also entire team of 6 iron valiants (lore accurate)

Darkling: you never guess this but 6 Iron Valiants

Trousseau: Poison but for real this time

Claude: Dark (feel like that’s also self explanatory)

Harvey: Psychic (specifically, this guy has a hypno.)

Roque: Steel ⬇️

Dolcinea: Fairy mirror match/Tiernos Dancer only team she’s based like that. either or

Kaldena: Ghost (another mirror match)

Mugen: typeless but every one of his mons knows swords dance

ok that’s basically it hope that’s enough of an answer ok byeeee

[another-damn-fandom]

Theory about BJBJBJ

When it comes to the prospect of BJBJBJ, I've seen fans mention five things:

Lydia should realize her feelings for Beetlejuice.

Lydia and Beetlejuice should become a kick-ass team against something big.

More Delores, she was under utilized. (Even if that means some Delores/Rory.)

The third wedding has to be different than the previous two.

Beetlejuice can't be enthusiastic about the prospect of marriage this time.

Which all make sense. Rule of three, more bad ass character developments, fool me three times, etc.

But what if you combined them?

Here's what I'm thinking:

At some point, some how, Lydia confesses that she's had a devastating crush on Beetlejuice this entire time and has been too terrified to mention it. Either because she didn't want to disappoint the Maitlands, or Chuck and Delia, or just basic self preservation and the hopes that he'd go away. But something has happened recently and now she's got to admit it to someone. And how much it has screwed up her mental health for not admitting it and facing it.

The someone she talks to (Astrid? Delia? Jane?) mentions that she needs to talk to Beetlejuice about this in order to get on with her life.

Lydia agrees. Then she doesn't.

Delores shows up and now she has a way to drastically hurt/kill Beetlejuice. (Possibly with Rory's help.) Her first attempt to do so is unsuccessful, but it shows that the Ghost With The Most is on a ticking clock, unless someone comes up with a solution. He mentions this to Lydia and asks for her help.

She says, sure, let's get married.

He says it's not going to work this time.

Whatever Delores did, it closed a part of the original marriage loophole for Beetlejuice. Sure, there are other ways for breathers to bring the deceased back to the world of the living via marriage. But those require both the living party and the dead one to be desperately in love with each other, and BJ admits that Lydia's lukewarm feelings means he doesn't qualify for that.

Lydia, like a liar, agrees.

So they agree to team up together to save Beetlejuice's life. Lots of shenanigans in the world of the living while Beetlejuice hides in the world of the dead to ensure Keaton's No More Than 17 minutes rule.

Eventually the plot corners them into a situation where the only option is to get married. Lydia is in a black dress (important!), Astrid and possibly Delia are with them, and all is lost. But there is some sort of church or justice of the peace nearby and, with everyone but Beetlejuice aware of Lydia's feelings, they go for a Hail Mary play.

Beetlejuice fights them the entire time. The bylaws of the underworld state that it would kill Lydia, him, or both of them to attempt a loveless marriage right now. But he knows they're running out of options, perma-death is inevitable for all of them, and the romantic in him would like to die marrying the woman he loves.

So Lydia more or less drags a "We can't! Not that I don't I want to. We'll die! Ooo, nice wedding rings, babes. Nooooo!" Beetlejuice to the altar.

Bonus points if Lydia says something like "C'mon, c'mon..." or "Let's keep it rolling, rev!" during the ceremony to mirror what Beetlejuice said during the first movie.

The terrified officiant reluctantly, barely, marries them.

They kiss to seal the union. Something otherworldly, lovely, romantic happens during the kiss, proving it worked.

Then Beetlejuice and Lydia suddenly and dramatically get dragged back into the world of the dead.

Lydia's black dress turns red the second she's in the underworld.

And anything she wears immediately turns red every time she re-enters the underworld moving forward.

Why?

It mirrors the poncho dress Lydia wore in the cartoon when she visited the underworld.

It implies that BJ thought that he could engineer true love by finding someone who was a good match on paper, dressing them like someone who loved him, and hoping for the best. (Which is why alllll of his past weddings failed.)

It implies that the most important part about loving and building a life with someone is giving them the option to choose you then letting them make that choice of their own free will. And that true love doesn't happen unless you do that.

It gives the audience a new red wedding dress without there being another red wedding.

When she's in the world of the dead, Lydia is better off wed.

Wolf or another dead denizen explains that their marriage has given them the extra juice they needed to take on Delores in a Boss Fight. It also allows the two of them to travel freely between the world of the living and the dead without repercussions. (With a few extra bells and whistles so we can get a bunch of cool action sequences with practical effects.)

As they're given their marching orders for the movie's climax, BJ is just... stunned.

"Wait. You actually like me? How long have you liked me?"

BJ eventually focuses on the task at hand, but as they fight for their lives, every so often Lydia looks over and sees him grinning like an idiot and doing this: