#all day while I was supposed to be doing school

[olderthannetfic]

I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.

For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.

Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.

So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.

And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.

So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?

--

Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.

Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.

Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.

Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.

--

As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.

If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.

--

But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.

The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.

--

Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?

Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.

Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.

Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.

[kcaitlyn]

hc. how i imagine the yj girls in relationships. part 1 (pre-crash nat, van, tai, lottie. others in pt. 2)

A/N: fem!reader, nsfw references, but nothing crazy. mention of drugs, alc. ooc, possibly? not proofread well cause who has time am i rite, been a while since i've watched yj lol. if this does well, i might do a post-crash version..

NATALIE

𓇼 Your relationship with Nat would be 110% banter, no doubt about it. Teasing (in and out of bed), name calling, little pokes and bites are a constant for you two. I feel like she's not the best (intentionally or not) at being traditionally romantic, so instead of heartfelt declarations of love, you're more likely to receive a 'yeah, you're pretty cool' or a 'I suppose you're not too bad' accompanied by a grin and kiss instead. However, that's not to say she doesn't express her love in other ways.

𓇼 Skipping class to sit with her friends together at least once per day, and cramming a whole semester’s worth of notes together when her (and/or your) grades eventually slip. Although, I doubt much would get done..

𓇼 I feel like most of your dates or hangouts would be outside- not necessarily doing anything, just relaxing by a lake or on some random curb in Wiskayok to escape your families (mostly Nat’s) and just to catch a break from everything.

𓇼 When you are together at someone’s place though, it would be your house more often than her’s. Nights would consist of sneaking in through windows, trying to stifle giddy laughs and smoking on the rooftop of your home or her trailer.

𓇼 Natalie would 100% be sneaking you in and out of the school locker rooms, too. She thinks it’s a shame to waste such a private space, always pulling you in there to make out or just relax in-between periods (much to the rest of the team’s annoyance. They’ve actually started a petition to ban you).

𓇼 Natalie pretends not to notice, but deep down seeing you in the bleachers during her games always makes her mushy. Seeing you cheering for her, encouraging her- it only makes her play harder.

𓇼 She’s always super affectionate after games, too- running up to you and squeezing you, all sweaty and tired. The evenings after more often than not would consist of weed and cuddles, Natalie being the little spoon as you massage her sore muscles, laughing and talking about whatever comes to mind.

𓇼 Speaking of, if you’re down for it then Natalie would absolutely revel in getting high with you. Relaxing, sharing a blunt, cuddling, making out and letting her eat you out is an insanely common occurrence- her favorite way to spend her time. Sharing any drugs she got from her friends with you, yet her loyalty to you would never even come close to wavering even under the influence.

𓇼 This girl would be incredibly loyal. Natalie knows abandonment, she knows being fucked over by someone else- and never ever would she subject you to that on her terms. Although her communication may not be the best, and her temper’s far from perfect, she’ll always stick by your side.

𓇼 I feel like she’d be the jealous type, too. Fights and bickering between you two wouldn’t be far apart, but never serious- and always mended with tender cuddles, sex and apologies after.

VAN

𓇼 For some reason I have this feeling that pre-crash Van was super outdoorsy and adventurous. I can imagine her dragging you along to camping trips, hikes, time on the lake or just to spend time hanging out in nature.

𓇼 Definitely with her family, too. Van to me seems like her family and partner would come first in her heart, and would love to spend time with everyone together.

𓇼 Super playful. Van would be the type to always tease, always joke. You wouldn't be able to count on two hands the amount of times she's shoved a bug in your face, or chased you around with a spider.

𓇼 (Always met with soft chuckles and apologies, your face attacked with remorseful kisses and holding you for hours. Until she does it again.)

𓇼 Van would be very, very touchy and affectionate. Quality time and physical touch are 100% her main love languages, along with teasing meaning this girl cannot keep her hands off you. An arm around your waist or shoulder when you're out with friends, holding hands as you weave through trees, even pinkies or feet touching under a table in class. She can't get enough of you.

𓇼 Basically, Van's best comparable to a loving little dog- always at your hip, your biggest fan. Any sports you play, hobbies you indulge in- she's there to encourage you.

𓇼 And when you reciprocate at her matches, cheering her on proudly from the bleachers? You've probably had her so distracted and giddy that she's missed a few balls whizzing into the goal beside her.

𓇼 She would take you celebrating after her wins, to your most common date spot (and Van's personal favorite), the cinema. With Van, you'd be there at least once a week. What can she say, two of her favorite things? You, and movies? A chance to geek out together? Why wouldn't she insist you go nearly each day after school?

𓇼 Although, I feel like Van could be a little oblivious and dismissive at times. After unknowingly receiving flirting from some other girl at a party or unknowingly saying something that could be perceived as flirting when she was drunk, Van might be quick to wave it off as an accident. This could spark fights between you two, but quickly after seeing how it affected you Van would be quick to apologise and come to.

𓇼 (May I add that in those scenarios, she 100% turns into a service top, as part of the apology of course. Anything to make her girl happy.)

TAI

𓇼 Taissa’s definitely a more mature and slow paced partner compared to some of the other Yellowjackets, like Natalie or Lottie. Your relationship would be a lot more domestic than them, too.

𓇼 Sure, you and Tai would still attend parties together, you would get to support her at her soccer matches and do all the usual teenage stuff together. However, dates where you just co-exist the way adult couples do would be a staple in your relationship. Cooking together, tagging along to run errands, lazy Sundays in are common when you’re with Tai.

𓇼 Your relationship would also be very academic, too. Study dates, talking for hours about what career you strive for and how awesome everything would be after graduation. Revising together made fun, taking an item of clothing off for each failed cue-card or only getting a kiss if you can correctly recall something.

𓇼 Tai wouldn’t be down for PDA at all. She’d definitely be the type to be affectionate behind closed doors only, not just out of embarrassment but in favour of keeping her romantic and public life seperate (a fact that holds true especially as she gets older).

𓇼 Tai’s communication and openness is a strong point in your relationship, but I feel conflicts could stem from the idea she wasn’t intending to stay with you long run. Tai’s grand plans to leave for university, have her share of lovers- she was never intending your relationship to last past high school.

𓇼 However, after whatever fights or even temporary breakup ensues, Tai would realise that you’re worth more to her than a high school romance and that she can really see herself with you in the long run.

LOTTIE

𓇼 As long as you're with Lottie, you wouldn't lift a finger- let alone a credit card. She's got you covered.

𓇼 I feel like Lottie’s the type of partner to love just.. existing in the same vicinity as you. It majorly stems from her decent, but lonely childhood- parents always out of the house leaving Lottie by herself.

𓇼 But now that Lottie has you, any time she’s just at home alone- be it studying, training or just relaxing she’s always quick to call you over. Luckily for you two, you have all the privacy in the world alone in her large home to do whatever you please.

𓇼 Lottie’s primary love languages are 100% Gift giving, and quality time. Any time she’s out and sees some little trinket that reminds her of you, best believe she’s stealing buying it. On top of that, any chance to be near you Lottie takes. You’re running an errand? She’ll be there. Lottie’s heading to do some after school practice? You can come, and read a book on the bleachers or something. Just so you’re near. Just so you’re close.

𓇼 I feel like Lottie’s not too big on PDA, but doesn’t entirely hate it, either. Full on kissing or making out isn’t on the cards in your relationship, but linking fingers, holding hands or leaning against each-other is totally okay by her- whatever makes her girl happy. Another thing Lottie loves is sharing a headphone cord with you- or singing along loudly to music in her car. However, around her family Lottie would be colder and more reserved with her affection.

𓇼 Lottie wouldn’t necessarily flaunt your relationship like Jackie- but she wouldn’t be shy, either. If someone asks, they’d likely be met with a- ‘yeah, I’m with (y/n), she’s my girlfriend’, or something along those lines. She isn’t secretive about you by any means, just casual. Keeping you to herself. She wouldn’t be vocal about jealousy, either. Just clingy, or sad.

𓇼 I also have a feeling that since Lottie’s always had access to quality clothes, items and whatever else- having something with real sentimental value rather than monetary value would mean so much more to her than a regular gift. Little homemade keychains or a good luck charm is something I can totally see her carrying around with her, especially since it was made by you.

𓇼 Since all her meals were made by nannies, her room cleaned by maids, having you there to do all that with her really resonates deep inside Lottie’s heart. Having you there to teach her how to do the things she never had to learn- how to cook, wash her clothes, empty a vacuum- it means so much to her.

𓇼 I feel like Lottie can be a real tease, too. Cheeky banter back and forth similar to Natalie, except she’s better at expressing her love sincerely. It’s all situational with Lottie- teasing and cheeky, or tender and soft. No matter how she is, though- Lottie’s loyalty is made clear.

𓇼 Although, at times I think Lottie could grow distant and pull herself away from you when she’s overwhelmed, angry or tired. If you try and talk to her, she might get frustrated and say something she really didn’t mean- again, likely stemming from her family. However, once she’s cooled off, Lottie would do anything in her power to make it up to her partner.

𓇼 Little gifts, massages, fancy dates or just fucking you for hours- anything to pamper you, take care of you. On that note, Lottie’s totally a switch, but greater than that, a huge service top. She wants nothing more than to make you feel good, happy and safe.

𓇼 In terms of pet names, I feel like Lottie would steer away from the really corny and sappy ones, settling for a variant of your name or something simple like ‘love’ or ‘babe’. Study hangouts would also be really common between you two, and even more often than that just lounging around at her place or going to parties together.

[idleoblivion]

"Life Cycle of a Maggot" Idia Shroud x GN Reader

Synopsis: The evolution of your relationship with Idia, as compared to a fly.

A/N: I guess I was kind of experimenting with this one, tbh I don’t know how great I wrote his character but enjoy the angst at least. 

Word Count: ~1.7k

Warnings: angst, Idia/reader both implied to be depressed

Phase 1: Egg

Flies deposit eggs into rotting organic material. 

…and there couldn’t have been a better description of him when you found him. Rotting material. 

He spent nearly every waking moment immersed in technology. It felt natural, always having been surrounded by it. It almost felt like home. 

Only almost though. Because nowhere truly did anymore. 

He could never find solace from the painful memories in the forefront of his mind. Despite his best efforts they always stayed there. He couldn’t think of ‘home’ without thinking of his failures, of his regrets, of Ortho…

So he stayed online. In a space he could control, where everything worked the way it was supposed to, where there was no school or anxiety or brother to remember. He neglected himself, his body, in favor of the computer screen. 

He couldn’t name a single other student he considered a friend, and as much as he needed his own space it had started becoming lonely. He couldn’t remember if he’d gotten all of his homework done, and he didn’t particularly care. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept right. Or if he had even had a full meal on any given day. He certainly felt like he was rotting, and he was sure he looked it too. 

And then you came into the picture. 

He knew of you before you met, he’d heard of you in the short moments he spent with the student body. You hardly spoke a word to anyone and could barely bring yourself to make eye contact. Notorious for being shy, nobody could list a single other thing about you.

When he begrudgingly had to partner up with someone for a potionology assignment, he looked around the room with a knot in his stomach. Everyone was finding their partners easily, forcibly reminding him of the wall of isolation he’d created for himself. While he was debating whether or not to just ask for 0 and move on, you were walking up behind him. 

When you lightly tapped on his arm to get his attention, he turned to find your nervous face staring down at the floor. 

“Do you have a partner yet?” He shook his head no at you. “Will you be mine then?”

He considered his options. He could risk getting stuck with someone random, take the 0 like he wanted to before or give you a shot. He didn’t know anything about you, but the more you uneasily rocked back and forth, the more certain he felt you’d be someone he could handle personality-wise. At least compared to your other peers. And unless he wanted to risk ending up like Leona, he really needed to get his grades together. 

“…S-sure.” Is all he offered in response. But that seemed enough for your shoulders to drop in relief, and for you to finally look at him. The small smile you wore confused him, why would anyone be happy they got stuck with him? 

“Thank you. We could just call to work on it if you didn’t want to meet for real.”

That was…surprisingly considerate. He guessed he made the right choice after all. 

Phase 2: Maggot

Maggots will eat the rotting material around them. They thrive in their environment of decaying matter. 

Calls about the project turned into much more rather quickly. It felt like one day you were a stranger, the next you were pouring your hearts out to each other.

Misery loves company, and your company was inexplicably inviting. You made him want to unleash everything he suppressed. All the suffering his pride wouldn’t let him show, he wanted to share with you. Somehow he just knew you’d get it, you’d understand what nobody else could.

He isn’t proud of the trauma-dumping that ensued at the end of a meaningless hang out one day. He’d granted you access to his room, to meet in person for the first time. The reality of which set in immediately after you arrived. That you had accepted his invitation to his space, that he wasn’t alone in that moment. And an innocent “Are you alright?” from you ended up being enough to break him.

He cried, he gasped for air, he thought he remembered screaming but he wasn’t sure. He fell to the floor with his head in hands, sobbing and blubbering about everything weighing on him. He knew he blew it big time, melting down the second you showed up. He knew you’d leave, you had no obligation to help his pathetic self after all.

He didn’t expect tears from you as well. It shocked him so much his crying nearly halted.

You detailed your own struggles to him. Your own struggle to fit in and feel accepted, and the loneliness that came with it. Your own regrets, things you’d give anything to change. You sat across from him on the floor, tears falling gently as you rambled and rambled.

He didn’t know what came over him, but he put his hand out. He flinched when you actually took it, but didn’t let go. He managed a meager smile as he relished in the peace he’d found with you. You sit in silence for a while.

He’s visibly relieved when you agree to try hanging out again sometime. Relieved he’d finally found someone to rot with.

Vent sessions became regular, though not as emotional as the first. You became his only confidant. You were almost always in his space or talking to him online. It was almost obsessive, and he loved it. 

You both fell further into solitude, into your own despair, but together. You thrived in it, and so did he. It was the best kind of miserable he had felt in a long time.

Phase 3: Pupae 

Maggots then encase themselves in a puparium, where the maggot's body will begin changing. 

Of course, it couldn’t last forever.

You started hanging out with him less, turning him down when he’d invite you to play games or vent like you had been. He tried not to take it personally, remembering how much he loved to self-isolate when he was especially down. Maybe you were going through something extra rough right now, and you wanted your space from him. He’s down the same to a lot of people, so he couldn’t blame you. 

Until he realized how naive it was to think that was what had you busy. He was rushing to class to turn in a paper he had to finish without your help when he spotted you in the hall. 

It was nothing like the first time he saw you. Or any time he’d seen you when you two were alone.

You had people around you, a small group. They spoke to you. You spoke to them. You weren’t looking at the floor, you were looking at one of their faces. You laughed at something they said and he felt his chest tighten.

Worst of all, you were positively beaming. 

He immediately felt bad for thinking that. He should want to see you smiling like that. If he cared about you, he would want you to be branching out, making new friends. Especially when you had expressed how alone you felt. 

He did care, just maybe not in the way he was meant to.

Because he couldn’t bring himself to be happy for you. Because he recognized where this was going to head immediately.

You were changing. Somehow, some way, you were finding the strength to grow. Strength he knew he would never find himself.

He didn’t bring it up the next time you met in his dorm. But he felt it, the difference in the atmosphere. Like his negativity and sorrow didn’t reach you the same way anymore. Not like you didn’t care, but like you couldn’t relate the same way. But he pushed those thoughts down for as long as he could, not wanting to admit the reality of the situation.

You were changing. And he simply was not.

Phase 4: Fly

Eventually, a fly will emerge from the casing to leave and continue on with its general life cycle. 

Rain checks turned to missed calls turned to ghosting altogether. 

His pride wouldn’t let him beg for your attention, but he missed it. He mourned it. Grieved the friendship that really never was, but meant so much to him.

He resented you for it, but a part of him couldn’t blame you. You were nothing like him now.

He spent even more time in his room if that was possible. But on the rare occasion he’d leave for class and spot you, you always had people with you. People who could be funny and casual, people who could hold a conversation without saying something depressing, people who you could do activities outside of school with. People who weren’t him, or anything like him.

You were kind enough not to say it, but he could see it with his own eyes. How he had become a burden to you, a weight on your chest. While you were trying to improve yourself he only ever got worse. 

You weren’t content to rot, clearly. You had this ambition, this drive to escape the hell you had created for yourself and start over. You would always understand him and his pain, but you had pushed through your own misery and found yourself happier. And with no room left for him and his lack thereof.

You were moved on. Because what was temporary weakness for you was eternal for him, like his curse.

Had he known that from the beginning, he would’ve never gotten involved. He had to figure out what you were, but he knew right from the start what he was.

You had flown away, sprouted wings and left the rot behind. Like you were meant to.

And he was a hungry, starving maggot. And always would be.

[farmhandler]

for those of you who do follow me on tumblr, you get a sneak peek... because I love you... (continued after ch9)

“Hey,” Scott said, catching Logan’s attention as he started moving away towards the stairs. Logan had agreed to stick to one of the empty conference rooms upstairs for a while to avoid startling any of the kids.

“Ugh, this guy again,” Wade muttered.

“What is it?” Logan said.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Scott said. He sounded sheepish, of all things. “About you two, I didn’t—I’m not—what I said back there isn’t how I am. It wasn’t what I meant. This whole thing—”

“Scott,” Logan said, cutting him off. He raised a hand. “It’s…you were an asshole about a lot of it, but I get it. This whole situation is fucking weird for me, too. A lot has changed. I’m not exactly the same guy I was when I knew you—the other me knew you. I’d probably be worse than you are in your position.”

“Should I be offended by that?” Wade said.

Scott seemed relieved, shoulders slumping. “Good. You guys are—I mean if you’re happy, that’s—that’s good. Deadpool has caused a lot of damage, and I mean a lot—"

“Feeling slightly offended now!”

“—but clearly there’s something there most of us haven’t seen. Colossus has been pushing to include him more often. And he did complete that mission for us. So maybe there’s some hope we'll make an X-Man out of him yet.”

“X-Person,” Wade corrected primly. “X-Them, if you will.”

Scott’s head turned briefly towards Wade, nodded, then back to Logan. “I’ll see you soon. It’s…it’s good to see you, Logan.” Emotion crept into his voice. “I mean it.”

“You too, Scott.” Logan said. Understatement of the year. “I’ll see you.”

They moved upstairs to the empty conference room. Logan had suggested Wade could leave if he wanted, but Wade shot it down.

“And miss the big family reunion? Hell no!”

“I don’t think you’re gonna get to be there,” Logan admitted. “Pretty sure it’s just going to be me, at least for now. This whole thing is…fuckin’ unreal. Surreal.”

“Lame,” Wade drawled. “I did all the fucking work. I should get to be there. So unfair. What am I supposed to do while you’re gone? I want to be where the action is.”

“Yeah, well, nothing’s going to be fun about this. Probably just a lot of talking and shit. I really fucking hate this part.”

“Are you hungry?” Wade asked out of nowhere. “Because I’m starving. They said they have lunch, right?”

Logan blinked. “Yeah. Yeah, I can get you some food. There’s a chef on duty every school day. Colossus said there’d be food.”

After checking the coast was clear, they went back downstairs. Logan felt absolutely ridiculous in his yellow suit, but standing next to Wade in his red, it wasn’t so bad. They made it to the kitchen and Logan stole a few sandwiches, handing one off to Wade.

It felt so…normal. Logan hated that he couldn’t relax, that he still felt on edge, but tried to focus on Wade.

Like he could tell Logan needed the distraction, he started talking about one of the times he’d visited the mansion and destroyed something while he devoured his sandwich. Several somethings, in fact—“Just a few statues of old white dudes”—and Logan watched him, eyes lingering on the way Wade’s mouth moved with the mask rolled up. He loved that mouth. Loved Wade, even when he was doing all the shit he wasn’t supposed to do. Even terrorizing the X-Men. He fucking loved him.

“And then even though I said ‘no touching’," Wade said, pulling his mask back down, "Colossus grabs me by the throat, which is one of my biggest turn-ons, and then he—”

“Hey,” Logan said, stopping Wade in the empty hallway. He kept his ears open, but everyone was in their classrooms. “I’m gonna kiss you.”

“I’m sorry, I misheard. I thought I heard you say you were going to kiss me.”

Logan reached over and undid the back of Wade’s mask. Wade’s hands clamped over his, but Logan only rolled it up again so his mouth was exposed. He backed Wade up against the wall and kissed him.

“Well, well, well,” Wade said when he pulled away. “I never took you for a sexual deviant. In public? My oh my, Mr. Wolverine. Kiss me again and make it sloppy.”

“It’s just a kiss,” Logan said, chuckling. The chuckle turned into a laugh. He kissed him once, then twice. The third time Logan shoved his tongue in Wade’s mouth, over his teeth, tasting him, and slid his hands around the back of Wade’s neck. He felt Wade’s moan reverberate in his mouth.

That was when Wade stopped him. “Don’t look to your right,” he whispered loudly.

God damn it. Logan tapped his fist on the wall next to Wade’s head.

“And you’re just now telling me.”

“I assumed you could smell them and didn’t care, peanut,” Wade said. As Logan moved, he quickly rolled his mask back down over his face. “You should see their faces.”

“I literally do not understand this,” Scott said beside them. “Not the you and Deadpool thing—I mean I don’t understand that either—but…you’re sure you’re the same Logan? You have never smiled like that.”

“Not for you,” Logan said, turning around fully. “Word to the fucking wise for everyone here. I will not put up with the shit I heard earlier from Scott or anyone else. If I hear one word said about Wade that isn’t directly regarding his behavior, we will have a fucking problem. Are we clear?”

[satureja13]

After dinner, the Boys walked over to the Campeggio 'Fattoria di Lama' (= Camsite 'Old Llama Farm'). The nights at Tartosa are still warm and they look forward to their stay here.

Jack noticed that Sai looked worriedly over to the Castle, where they are supposed to meet Ms Coombes and athena tomorrow afternoon. And where they'll have to discuss the loan for their school fees... Jack: "Hey, let's leave the worries for Tomorrow Afternoon Saiwa, hm? It's been a while since we've been here. Let's not taint it with our problems." Saiwa sighed. Jack is right. He shouldn't dim their mood after such a great day, now that they are all happy together again. Uhhh - maybe he can cuddle with Jeb later in their tent! Sai quickened his pace.

The Boys, the Little Goats and Skully gathered by the fire. Jack started the Tartosa Playlist and Skully sang along. But quietly, to not wake the Little Goats and Kumo, who already fell asleep.

Jack was hungry - again - and started to roast some Veggie Dogs. Vlad never tasted roasted marshmallows before, since he only learned he can eat real food January this year, so Ji Ho shyly showed him how to do it. They are still far from not being awkward around each other. And it doesn't make it easier they can feel through the Bond how the other feels. None of them wants the other to feel pressured and they want to take it slow. Now, they can finally be together, they want the whole package. Getting to know each other, date... They kissed and woohoed already many times before, but it will all be new for Ji Ho, now that he has his feelings back. And new for Vlad, now that Ji Ho is finally able to love him.

After Jack munched his third Veggie Dog, Jack and Kiyoshi stood up. Jeb: "Are you going to sleep already?" Jack: "No, since we only have one bathroom here and it's late, my good mate Kiyoshi and I are going to start with showering and brushing teeth so we all get ready before bedtime. It's quicker when we go together and share the bath." Jeb: "Ah, I see." Sai didn't really listen because he was so excited to spend the night with Jeb <3 And poor Ji Ho burned his mouth, the marshmallow was too hot...

Then it dawned on Sai: "What? You are showering together? I told you we are not going to go down that road again!" Jack: "Tch. What a dirty mind you have. We are mates, Sai, just mates."

Sai calmed down eventually. If Jack and Kiyoshi can take a shower together, Jeb and him can do that all the more!

Meanwhile, in the bathroom. Jack tried to comb through his hair with his fingers and his hand soon became sandy and sticky. He turned and looked in the mirror to catch a view on the back of his head and he saw his tangled strands. Jack: "Gods - how am I supposed to get all that sand and kelp out of my hair?!"

Kiyoshi: "Don't worry, I'm going to give you a hand." And then he pulled Jack into the steaming shower. Jack: "Aouwww, you're a true mate!"

Kiyoshi tried to entangle Jack's strands and remove the sticky kelp. Jack howled: "Ouch! Go easy on me!" Kiyoshi drew back: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm going to use more produce... I'll be careful."

The open bathroom is right next to the fireplace and the others heard a bottle click open and a squeeze. And then Kiyoshi slicking his hands... Kiyoshi: "Come closer and bend down a bit - then it's easier." Jack: "Like so?" Kiyoshi: "Ah, yes. Exactly like so."

Sai: "Do we really want to allow this - eh... mateship of them? What if Jack goes crazy again? I'll never forget the night he had that nightmare and I will never forget when we had to fear for his life when he fell in that coma when he was about to kill Kiyoshi."

Vlad remembered just too well. Jack is his best friend and he doesn't want him to get hurt again. But he also remembered how Kiyoshi was by his side when he watched over Jack - lying in that pod to keep him alive. And how afraid Kiyoshi was to lose Jack. Jeb pulled them out of their gloomy thoughts: "Kiyoshi won't let Jack get hurt again. He learned his part. And Jack prospered, a lot. They are honest to each other now and care for each other." Our little, naive Ji Ho: "They are mates, just mates."

Jack moaned as Kiyoshi scrubbed his scalp: "Mmmmh - your hands are magic, Kiyoshi..." A little later. Kiyoshi: "Gods, Jack, you have sand everywhere!" Jack squealed and laughed: "That tickles!"

Finally they finished! Jack looked at Kiyoshi in the mirror and he liked what he saw. He couldn't help to admire Kiyoshi. How beautiful he was. You can totally do that as mates. There's nothing wrong with it. Jack: "I'm glad it's you." Kiyoshi: "Are you happy?" Jack: "So happy. You?" Kiyoshi: "Same."

After Jack and Kiyoshi returned to the fireplace, Vlad went alone to the shower and then Ji Ho. No need to rush things. They are going to take their time and slowly approximate to each other. And cherish each and every moment. In their own pace. Sai whereas can't wait to finally lose his virginity! He wiggled on his chair, now it's Jeb and his turn to hit the shower. Jeb: "I let you go first. It's an important day tomorrow." Saiwa blinked: "Eh, thank you..." Sai stood up like in trance and shuffled to the shower. Jeb does not want to shower with him... That reminds him of last year when they were in the same situation right here at the campsite! Argh. Nothing changed!

And when Sai returned, Jeb went to the bathroom. Vlad was still sitting by the fire. They didn't talk and sat quiet for a while. Vlad and Sai share a deep friendship that needs no words and they can sit in silence comfortably. Sai was just planning how he was going to seduce Jeb later in their tent when Vlad called: "Night, Jeb! Take good care of Ji Ho!" Jeb: "Night, you two! Will do!"

What was that? Jeb taking care of Ji Ho? Sai: "Are you not going to share a tent with Ji Ho?" Vlad: "Gods, no. It's too early. When I lie next to him I can't help myself and think about how beautiful he is and how much I want him." Sai: "And?" Vlad: "The Bond, Sai. He can feel what I feel. Not what I think, of course. But he would feel my arousal, for example. I don't want to frighten him off. We're just at the beginning. And we're going home tomorrow. Means, Ji Ho and I are going to need our strength to teleport the TukTuk and it's going to drain us. And he will get travelsick again. I don't want to stress him further." Sure, Sai knows all that about their Bond - but he never thought about how exhausting this must be, and embarrassing ö.Ö' And then it clicked. If Jeb shares a tent with Ji Ho - Jeb is not going to share a tent with him! Argh! It's even worse than last year!

And Skully sang:

'Noi, senza dignità, oltre la montagna scopriamo l'amore. Qui, qui senza falsità, noi ci amiamo come la mente non sa. Noi, senza dignità, oltre la montagna scopriamo l'amore. Qui, qui senza falsità, noi ci amiamo come la.

'Without dignity, we find love beyond the mountains. Here, here without falsehood we love each other in a manner not known by the mind.'

Una Notte Speziale - Alice

Until Sai screamed at him to finally shut up...

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-28

[forwoonnagi]

Heartbreak girl

Trope: friends to lovers

Pairing: Taesan x reader

Synopsis: Taesan’s tired of seeing y/n crying due to her stupid boyfriend. He's also tired of being just y/n’s “best friend”, he wanted to be more.

Author's note: inspired by the song “Heartbreak girl - 5 seconds of summer".Haven't written in so long so bare with me yall HAHAH <33

warnings: bad grammar </3 

 “You call me up

   It's like a broken record

   Saying that your heart hurts

   That you'll never get over him getting over you “

It was 10:54 pm and Taesan was just in his room listening to “I don't love you” by MCR. It was quiet in Taesans room. It wasn't unusual but it was too quiet..He missed the sound of her laugh..her voice..her in general. That girl was his best friend, Y/n L/n. His friends would tell him to make a move but he couldn't. Especially since she had a boyfriend. He let his mind wander randomly till it was interrupted by a vibrating sound that stopped his music.

“Y/nie calling..”   

Taesan would usually ignore calls and messages but Y/n was an exception. He sat properly and cleared his throat before answering. He felt nervous..was it because he was just thinking about her few minutes ago?

“y/n?”

“Taesan..we fought again.”

Taesan never liked Y/n's boyfriend. Not because he was taking Y/n from him but because he was a jerk. He would break up with Y/n then get into a new relationship then after a month or so he would go back crawling to Y/n. The problem was, Y/n always goes back to him..

“What happened..are you okay?”

“He said I was being obsessive because I wanted to be with him..He said he was hanging out with Maya later..”

“Then I found out they were going out on a date..again.”

“Y/n..I told you to stop going back to him..You guys always fight then break up then get back together..aren't you sick of him?”

Taesan’s heart clenched as he can hear Y/n crying through the phone.

“And you end up crying

And I end up lying

'Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do”

“Try not going back to him Y/nie..Just this time please..”

It was quiet for a while. Which felt like an hour to Taesan.

“Uhm..When's your band performing again?”

Right..Taesan had a performance this friday.. Taesan loves music. He played,listened,made,danced to music. It's like Taesan can't function without it.

“Uh, this Friday, Why?”

“Can I be your date for it?..Justin was supposed to be my date but he canceled at the last minute and is taking Maya instead..”

Every year we have festival day. Where all students go to school on a Saturday and go to the festival where clubs have small booths where you can sign up or try. Then every night there would be performances like dance shows, theater, musicals and bands. This year Taesans band was lucky enough to be one of the students performing. The seniors had to bring a date to the night show. Where there would be   photobooths, stargazing, confession walls and kissing booths. 

“Hello? Taesan, are you there?”

Taesan was zoned out. He was shocked that Y/n..His Y/n.. was asking him to be her date to the night show. That was his chance to win her. To show her that he's better.

“Uh yeah sure. I'll pick you up at 4:40pm?”

“Okay! Can I watch you practice tomorrow? Or is it a secret~”

“Sure you can watch. We're gonna practice after classes till like 6. Is that okay?”

“Yup! Good night, Taesanie! See you” 

Omg.. Taesans' world was suddenly coming together..

Authors note: SO THIS IS VERY SHORT BUT ILL MAKE PT2 HOPEFULLY THIS WEEK <33

[dullgecko]

i think with how much of a disaster riz is, he's pretty used to not looking well. it's normal for him and no big deal. so what if his hands are uncontrollably shaky and his eyebags are deeper than the grand canyon? nothin new.

but on the rare occasion when he's ESPECIALLY stressed and been neglecting himself even more than usual for a very long time, and he looks even worse, it really startles him when he starts to notice just how unwell he looks. he's so dissociated he can't recognize his own face in the mirror, like he's never seen that guy before even though he knows it's him. his colouration is so frighteningly off. looking down at his own arms he finds his veins so much more visible than usual. he looks so sick and weak, and that uncanny-valley-ish sense sets in, like looking at a corpse. it's jarring to see it on your own skin.

it scares him so fucking bad. he's terrified of his own body. he can't bear to look at himself but at the same time he can't look away. and he knows now he HAS to recover if only so he doesn't have to see himself like this anymore, and in an intense panic he scrambles to put himself to bed, but how's he supposed to fall asleep when he can't resist checking himself again and making the panic worse? he's just incapable of calming down like this.

this is the only time he will ever actually ASK fig to cast sleep on him.

Riz had been alone since the second day of their break, school pausing for a week as a large percentage of their students went to visit family over the holiday. This particular holiday only coming around every ten years or so since it was tracked on the elven calendar rather than the Solesian one.

Fabian had kidnapped Adaine and taken her to Falinel to stay with his grandfather and celebrate since she didn't have any family of her own while the rest of the party had their own plans. Gorgug had even gotten into the spirit of the thing and had decided to spend the week with his birth parents whereas Fig was spending the week rotating between her rapidly growing roster of moms and dads. Riz only had a vague idea of where Kristen was in all this mess but he remembered her mentioning some missionary work in Sylvaire so it was probably that since he hadn't heard from her all week.

As it was Riz didn't really have any family he could visit easily, or safely, on his own. The hike up to where his father's horde lived in the Mountains of Chaos was dangerous. He couldn't even get his mom to join him since she would be in Bastion City for the next two weeks working.

So, lonely and without anyone to stop him, Riz had thrown himself head first into some extra credit rogue-classwork assignments to distract himself but it had ended up being harder than he expected.

Riz was stuck, hand balling into a fist as he thumped it against the desk in front of himself a few times as if that would make his homework make any sense. He still had a week to complete it before handing it in but he had other things he needed to do as well and it was driving him to madness.

Adaine might have been able to help him with this puzzle but crystal reception in Falinel was spotty at best. He couldn't even ask his other friends for help since none of them took the rogue classes with him. Gorgug had taken a look at it on the first day off before he also left for his holiday when Riz was stumped and just shrugged his shoulders, and he doubted Kristen or Fig would do much better. The worst part was he usually found this kind of thing easy and now he felt like he'd forgotten how to do something that should come naturally, like breathing.

He leaned his chair back and balanced on the back two legs, glaring at the ceiling and contemplating calling Gorgug again but he didn't want to interupt his visit to his birth parents house over something as stupid as homework. His break in his thinking giving his stomach an oportunity to voice its opionion on him ignoring it for so long, grumbling loudly and announcing that Riz was hungry and probably had been for a while at this point. The goblin clicking his tongue in annoyance and grabbing his crystal to check the time and finding that it had been nearly fourteen hours since he sat down to start working on this portion of the overly complicated cypher.

He usually didn't get that bad when he was working at home but, for the first time in a while, he didnt have anyone interupting him. His mom was usually the one checking on him so no one had noticed his spiraling and forced him to do normal things like eat or drink water or sleep. Hell, he'd been in so deep on this assignment that he hadn't even had coffee since yesterday some time. At least he THOUGHT it was yesterday anyway, what was today... Tuesday? No, Thursday, it was just past midnight.

Riz let the chair thump back forwards before pushing out and away from the desk. The act of standing making him feel like he was out of sync with his on body, like someone had shifted it two inches to the left and forgot to move his soul at the same time. The sudden change in his position also making the headache that was previously just an ignorable throbing flare into a sharp stabbing behind his eyes and crushing pressure along the top of his head. The combination of the two heralding a migraine that had been lying in wait ready to strike.

He'd felt this awful before many many times and knew it usually meant he'd gone too long without eating or drinking anything so he resolved to do just that. The goblin kicking the balled up pages of notebook paper he'd thrown on the floor in frustration out of the way as he head out of his room to the kitchen.

His hand was almost touching the handle of the fridge door when Riz caught sight of his reflection in the glass of their microwave. The rogue freezing as a familiar feeling of wrongness washed over him before he backpedalleed away. The goblin dropping into a partial crouch and hissing, claws ready since he wasn't armed, as he faced down the creature reflected in the glass. His mirror image actually moved with him properly though, Riz slowly standing back up and creeping closer to get a better look.

His reflection looked wrong, though the microwave door wasnt the best mirror. The colours were all thrown out of wack and surely he didn't look that bad. His plans to get food and something to drink were quickly forgotten, the rogue heading for his bathroom to check in a properly reflective surface instead.

Riz flicked the light on in his bathroom, winceing at how bright it was as he stood on the stool so he could reach the mirror. Almost recoiling at the face that stared back at him and bringing a hand up to touch his own cheek. He barely recognised himself, the bags under his eyes darker than he'd ever seen them in stark contrast to how pale he looked. The thin sliver of what was usually white around his iris completely bloodshot and his eyes so sunken it made him look like a corpse.

He looked half dead, Riz turning on the tap and splashing some water on his face to see if that would help. It didn't. There was still a dead man staring back at him when he looked in the mirror again. Riz felt a shiver run down his spine the uncannyness of barely being able to recognise his own reflection, the goblin hopping off the stool and heading back to the kitchen to attempt to get some food and water into his stomach. He didn't really feel like having much now but he knew he should at least try, and perhaps a nap was necessary as well.

One reheated frozen lasagne, several glasses of water and a shower later Riz finally flopped onto his bed. The rogue dragging himself to lie with his back pressed against the wall as he pulled out his crystal. There was still nothing in the group chat so he flicked over to his friends fantasy-grams, Fig's the only one to have updated this week due to the poor reception the others had but it showed that she would be spending some time in hell with her dad.

Once he ran out of things to scroll through Riz turned off the screen. The device getting deposited under his pillow next to his arcubus as he rolled over and tried to get some sleep.

His insomnia tended to make sleeping hard at the best of times but tonight it looked like it was on its best game. His thoughts still racing at a mile a minute as he tried to calm down enough to sleep. He kept thinking about the stupid cypher, then about how his friends were doing and wondering if they were having fun. The last thought making his chest hurt as he curled up smaller and balled up his fists.

He wanted to talk to them and see how they were going so badly. Goblins by nature were not solitary creatures and it was fucking lonely being by himself, but they all had important stuff they were doing so he didn't want to intrude. They all had family or important work they were doing and he just had... homework. Homework that was confusing him so badly that he'd apparently gone four days without anything to eat and barely anything to drink.

Riz lay in the dark of his room for hours, eyes screwed shut as he desperately tried to sleep while the same thoughts rotated around in his brain too loud to ignore. The headache caused by how tired he was paradoxically making it even harder to sleep because he was in so much pain.

The sun was up by the time he gave up trying to sleep, the goblin dragging himself out of bed after lying there awake for nearly five hours. Riz trudging to the kitchen wearily, digging through drawers until he found an almost empty box of sleeping tablets, and shaking the last four out onto his palm. If sleep wasn't going to happen he was going to fucking force it even if tablets made him feel jetlagged afterwards. Unfortunatly, despite another couple hours cocooned under his sheets, all the tablets did was make him feel groggy rather than knock him out.

His hand brushed against his crystal when he rolled over for the thousandth time trying to get comfortable, the device vibrating when it detected the movement to inform him there were notifications he'd missed. Riz groaning and sitting up to flick on his phone and see what they were, smiling a little since Fig seemed to be blowing up the group chat with the photos she'd taken with Gortholax down in the bottomless pit now that she was back on the material plain.

He flicked his thumb across the screen to scroll through them all, pressing on one to leave a like before pausing as a thought occured to him. He needed sleep badly and nothing seemed to be helping but he knew something that would work, HAD worked, every single time so far.

He exited out of the group chat, scrolling through his contacts to bring up just Figs number and typing out a quick text. Hesitating for just a second over the send button before clicking it and flopping back onto the bed to wait for a response.

//Hey! If you're back in Elmville do you think you can come over for a bit? I need help with something.//

His tail flicked backwards and forwards over the edge of the bed as he waited fir a response, arm draped over his eyes as he tried to dull the ever-present migrain that had been his companion for the last day and a half. Riz only shifting his arm away to look at his crystal when he felt it vibrate with a new notification.

//Sure dude! I'll be there soon.//

He didn't move again until he heard Fig knocking at the front door, Riz hefting himself off his matress and heading over to let her in. The goblin knew he must look awful by her reaction, the bard hissing air through her teeth as he gave her a little wave of greeting and stepped out of the way so she could enter.

"What the fuck Riz. You look horrible." She put the coffee's she'd picked up on the way over down on the counter, rounding on the goblin as he locked the door behind her. "When was the last time you slept properly?" "Friday night." Riz winced at how croaky his voice sounded, the goblin clearing his throat and crossing his arms over his chest.

"You so did not sleep yesterday, you look like someone has punched you in the face... twice." She waved a hand at him, obviously trying to point out the bags under his eyes that he knew were there. "Whatever you need help with can wait you need a nap." "Not yesterday... last friday." he ducked his head, squeezing his upper arms until his claws dug into the skin and wrapping his tail around his ankle. "I tried, I can't sleep. I wanted you to help."

"Wait." Fig gave him a confused look, crouching to pick Riz up under the arms and sit him on the counter so they were close to eye-level with eachother. The archdevil holding him by the shoulders as she spoke to him. "You don't want help with some mystery or case or anything... you want me to help you sleep?"

"Yeah." he leaned his head to the side so it was resting against her hand, ears giving a little flick as he reached up to grab her wrists and hold them there. "Sleep spell. Please."

"Holy shit. You're actually asking me to sleep spell you?" She put a hand to his forehead, Riz leaning into it and purring at the contact as he shut his eyes. "You haven't got a fever or anything, are you sick or something? Where's your mom?"

"Bastion city. Working with a client until next week." Riz headbutt her palm since it was still pressed against his forehead, tail giving a little flick against the counter and swiping the empty sleeping pill bottle onto the floor by accident.

He didn't catch Figs glance towards the bottle and the wide-eyed look she gave it since his eyes were shut, but he felt her push some of her magic into him which helped releive his headache somewhat.

"Did she know you were having issues sleeping when she left?"

"She's been gone since Saturday, and I always have issues sleeping. It's not a new development I have insomnia." Riz snorted and gave her an amused look, though his expression was met by one of concern and he quickly let his smile drop. "I'm serious Fig. You've knocked me out for less, why is it a big deal this time if I'm actually asking for it."

"Because you're alone." She poked him in the forehead, stepping away and hopping on one foot as she undid each of her boots and kicked them off near the door.

"Whaaaat are you doing?"

"I'm not knocking you out and leaving you unsupervised, we'll both take a nap." She took off her coat too, tossing it onto the kitchen table before scooping Riz up into her arms. The goblin getting carried over to the couch where Fig flopped down on her back with Riz cuddled against her front.

He didn't resist the manhandling, simply trying to move so he was in a less awkward position. Fig had a pretty good grip on him though, the bard grinning and squeezing him hard in a hug until he gave up and accepted his fate. Face taking on a little more color as he blushed, but he did have to admit that lying against her chest was very comfortable.

"Can I at least skoot backwards a bit if you're not going to let me go? Using your stomach as a pillow has to be less awkward than lying on your boobs."

"Ugh I'm hurt, you don't mind lying against Fabians boobs."

Riz just hissed at her by way of answer, making Fig laugh before shuffling them both around so they were on their side instead. Riz huffing and moving so his back was pressed against her as she spooned him against her front. "Better?"

"Mmm."

"Good. I'll set a timer okay? I'll put you to sleep and will wake you up in eight hours." She gave his hair a fond ruffle, Riz relaxing somewhat as he watched her concentrating the spell in her fingers in front of his face. The goblin only distantly feeling himself go completely limp when she pressed her hand against his forehead and he finally fell asleep.

[ediblecucumber]

Platonic Yandere Omega Dad x Abandoned child Reader pt2

You don't know where it all went wrong, one day everything was fine and the next your omega dad didn't want to be a family with you and your alpha daddy anymore

What should have been another normal day was filled with screams and pleas, you've never seen your parents fighting, much less heard them scream like that

Your alpha daddy was crying and your omega dad was saying sharp words as he picked up a suitcase and got ready to walk out the door, before leaving your life he looked at you one last time, his eyes were so cold

After that whole day was a mess, your alpha dad was trying to balance his work schedules to be able to pick you up and take you to school and now he also had to cook and clean the house, all the calls and surprise visits from the child protection center had a very apparent effect on him as his healthy and shiny appearance was replaced by a tired and unbalanced

The worst part of all was the days in court, watching your omega father fight to keep the family dog ​​while making it very clear to the court that he was not interested in having joint custody of you hurt you deeply. Were you less important than a dog? Hearing him tell the judge that he never wanted to be a mother and that he was never interested in playing that role in your life tore your little soul to pieces Were all those happy days when he said "I love you" to you lies?

With a father who was barely holding himself together in front of you and another who seemed to have simply disappeared into the world, there was no stability in your life. You were clinging to the hope that everything would be okay until you heard the news

"Honey, your omega father won't be able to come to your birthday because... because... because he adopted two little girls and they don't feel comfortable coming to your party, I'm sorry, I wanted... are you okay?"

No, you weren't okay, in court he had I had said that I wasn't ready to be a mother but it seems that that was a lie, or rather, he wasn't ready to be your mother, that was the first crack

After that day the excuses didn't stop, there was always an excuse for his absence

"Sorry but I can't go today, my oldest has a cheerleading practice and I need to take her, take her and then go pick you up only to have to go back to pick you up would be a waste of time, you understand right? Of course you understand you're a big kid"

"Sorry I couldn't go to your 7th birthday, and my youngest girl had a rough day so we went out with her to the spa to have a relaxing day, I ended up running late but don't worry I'll send you something"

"Was today the day of your competition? Sorry, I forgot because I was too busy planning the twins' birthday party, you weren't upset, right? Don't worry, next time I'll definitely be there HE'S LYING"

"I can't go today, one of the girls started her first heat today and I can't leave her alone, these are omega things you wouldn't understand"

With each excuse your insecurity and anger grew, every time he mentioned the twins your self-esteem decreased and you started comparing yourself more and more to them, if you were an omega would he love you as much as he loves them? Could it be that the problem is you?

Years of accumulating resentment came to a head on your 13th birthday, that was supposed to be a special day and being the loving and caring father that he is, your alpha father spared no expense to make each of your birthdays more memorable than the last

In truth, he is trying to console you through material goods, he does not have much free time because he needs to work more to pay the alimony that the court determined he must pay to his omega ex-husband, the alpha father can even work less but that would mean lowering your standard of living something he would never forgive himself for doing, you deserve the best so if he had to work more to pay for all the things that you would be a little happier then he is willing to face nights of exhaustion and overload

Unexpectedly the night before your omega father answered the phone call and agreed to spend the morning with you, your alpha father tried to call him every day to make sure that your omega father would go for a walk with you or at least answer your questions messages, despite your best efforts the omega ex husband always ended up ignoring you and this broke the alpha father's heart because nothing hurts a father's heart more than seeing his son hurt

So that morning you put on your best clothes, fixed your hair and waited for your omega father he was an hour late but that's okay, the traffic must have been bad right? RIGHT!?

When he arrived you were almost bursting with happiness, saying goodbye to your alpha father you eagerly got into your omega father's car, you couldn't wait to find out what he had planned for you

After a few minutes with only you talking to fill the silence you both arrive at the mall, a little disappointed but it's okay, the place isn't as important as the company, you eagerly follow him like a puppy while he does some shopping maybe one of the purchases is your birthday present!?, you're a little hungry but you can ignore it so everything is fine until you hear those two voices

"Daddyeeee" waving his arms one of the twins is screaming while the other is laughing, immediately your omega father seems to forget about you and goes towards them

The way he hugs and kisses them is very different from the way he treats you, he was only away from them for a few hours but he's saying how much he missed them but with you... with you he spends months yarn without seeing you and never gave you a hug like that this was the second crack

"Daddy thanks for buying these gifts for us, you bought all the items on the list!? You didn't have to" oh so the shopping was for them... he spent the whole morning of your birthday buying gifts for them this was the third crack

"Of course you did, we're celebrating that you're now officially part of the cheerleading team, I'm glad practice ended in time for us to meet up to celebrate" so in fact the intruder was you, he's not here to celebrate your birth he's here to celebrate their victory, he only met up with you because he had free time while waiting for them

You saw the three of them laughing and moving away from you, slowly they got further away each moment until you entered a restaurant that you were eager to try with your omega father, you wondered if they would notice that you stayed behind, if they would notice that you weren't at the table

NO, they didn't notice, the dishes were ordered and you watched them eat in a happy and laughing mood, today is your birthday and he simply forgot about you, this was the fourth and final crack

Stunned, somehow while you called your alpha father you felt dazed, it was like one moment you were full of feelings and the next you were completely empty of them

Your alpha father arrived quickly, you almost didn't notice him realizing he arrived only because he hugged you and took you out of the catatonic position you were sitting in on the street in front of the mall

The way home was silent, despite the alpha father's best efforts to try to make you smile you remained silent, expressionless until you got home and as soon as you walked through the door the dam collapsed

SCREAMS AND TEARS, you were having a fit on the floor, your chest was tight and you couldn't BREATHE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T COULD YOU BREATHE?!?! EVERYTHING WAS TOO MUCH, THE FEELINGS WERE TOO MUCH

You had a PANIC ATTACK and had to be hospitalized, your party was canceled HATE, HATE, HATE is what he feels for his ex-husband, how DARE he do this to YOU!!! HOW DARE HE HURT THE MOST PRECIOUS THING OF THE ALPHA FATHER!? If he could, he would KILL that man. Your alpha father had to miss work to spend the entire hospital stay with you.

You were eventually released and received a recommendation for a child psychologist who specialized in dealing with children who suffer from parental abandonment. Your alpha father was already doing the math to see how many sleepless nights full of work would be necessary to pay for the hospital, the medicine, and the psychologist.

You didn't know what your life would be like from that moment on, but you were sure of one thing, something in you broke and could never be fixed. A heart could only be broken a certain amount of times until the pieces were too small and uneven to be glued back together.

Unbeknownst to you, in five years' time, you would be forced to confront your omega father.

[rainyfestivalsweets]

9/22/24

Ok.... so some storytime. This weekend's plans were smashed to hell and if I was in a different mental space I would have fared much much worse. But I have been focusing on boundary making and personal growth so here is what happend:

A friend (SPECIFICALLY THE ONE Who was bugging me earlier this year about buying her diet products incessentaly) had called me in July, while drunk and with her husband on their anniversary. During this call, she asked me what I was really doing to lose the weight and insinuated that I was either a recipient of weight loss surgery or on Ozempic or some other GLP 1.

Mind you - This is a lady that I converse with daily over snapchat. Maybe not full in conversations, but she sees all my sweaty selfies, thoughts on mindset, and sometimes food. Mostly daily sweaty selfies.

The incessant requests to buy her weight loss bullshit this year drove me to the brink of getting off all social medias. How many fucking times do I need to say no. Mind you, this lady has been my friend since 2000.

So she tells me during this call, where she isn't really letting me speak, that she will be here this weekend and I should come hang out with her and her friend. Upon inquiry she divulges it is like a 30 year high school reunion thing.

Now, I want to see her because I feel like our friendship is floundering. She lives far away and I find most social media things to be unbearable.

Why? Weight loss is hard and I do better when I reduce interactions with people, because everything feels really emotionally raw. You also have people who will tell you that whatever you are doing is fucking wrong and you should be doing something else OR people who will see you changing your habits and will fight that tooth and nail. It doesn't really matter what you are doing, people will just foist their opinions on you. It is better to block all that shit out and focus on yourself.

So she invites me to 3rd wheel and I want to go because I want to see her in person. It is a 4 hour drive one way, and requires me to get all my weekend chores done before the weekend, have someone come by to check on my mom, who I am a caregiver for, and someone to watch my dogs. It also conflicts with a group fall cabin camping weekend, which I steadfastlu maintain I cannot attend because I have prior plans.

She writes and says at 5 pm the day before I am supposed to leave that "they are concerned" about the drive and that it is alot of driving for a very short visit. I read that as- Don't come.

I kind of expected this, and even tho the late hour annoyed me, I was able to wrangle myself and say, ok, hope you have a blast.

And I have heard basically nothing from her since.

So here is where I ask: Am I the asshole?

She seems to be giving me the silent treatment for not coming when she basically told me not to come. I think the real reason is- she invited me when she was drunk, to an event she planned with her other friend for their high school reunion, and didn't check with her other friend about inviting someone else.

I feel like she has been experiencing sober regret about inviting me to an event they obviously planned together without me. And she waited 2 months to say OOOOOps! Didn't mean to do that.

The other issue is- I also expected to get uninvited because I was sick and she has an autoimmune disorder.

But that is conjecture and not the reason she gave.

AITA??

[eikichi-supremacy]

nooooo don't think about kuwabara picking up smoking when yusuke leaves for makai as something to remember him by you're so sexy hahah

[uygfiug]

thought my school was finally going to try & help me next year but it sounds like theyre just trying to get me to act normal without actually helping

[pillowenvelopchair]

Absolutely fucking stupid that my schools suicide prevention protocol is to basically to put someone in house arrest until a professional can write and “prove” that theyre okay so that theyre sure that they can let a student back in. Yeah. Sure. Just force someone to be in the house where they are even MORE at danger when there are literal sharp objects makes it easier to do it

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh yeah the way mass effect made me think of portal which is surely what youtube was doing too in sliding me a portal related video which made me think of like ah yes that little harmonizing thing want you gone credits song does, another banger. then i was like wait speaking of secret losersongs filmed rehearsal videos just the other day was reexperiencing like code monkey's really a banger as well, the way that part of the chorus could have one line end on One Pitch then the next line end a half step up but Doesn't & that pwns actually. then going hang on and they're both jonathan coulton. they're All jonathan coulton (adding in: wow just like will putting still alive on his off the shits jared kleinman a.m. pump up playlist)

[sharkjumpers]

aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)

[guinevereslancelot]

why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery 🤡

[slippery-minghus]

gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?