#all I've put myself through to achieve peace will be rendered useless because i just wont be able to keep going anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ii-zi · 3 years

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the only thing I want is to give up but i can't i can't for the life of me I can't I've never stopped cooperating I've never stopped giving it my all to make an effort and keep functioning enough to not let anything go but myself i absolutely cannot function without some semblance of normalcy and giving up is not anywhere near that normalcy god i just need some peace

#I've been holding on for so long I've considered every single option but every single one is worse than the other i can't give up I can't #im doing it all for myself I've given up so much of myself to on the long run secure a normal comfortable live that has been #nothing but a fantasy all my life #but it's so much and im so tired and i don't wanna have to do it all i dont wanna have to keep tearing myself apart im so tired #i can't remember the last time i met myself cry I've been holding it in for so long but i just couldn't anymore i can sense myself #nearing my limits I've already been running on empty for so so long god i just want peace i just want to rest i haven't even #been pretending to be able to bear the load i never was not even for a second have i denied the fact that it's too much and how it's #crushing me why do i have to keep it up but i have to because there's literally no other option there's no way out aside from giving up and #I can't. not for anybody else. not for me. i need this so bad. but i don't know how much I'll be allowed to keep it up #if it was for me I'd just grind myself down til there's nothing left just to get it but i can hear my own body screaming exactly because of #it. it won't let me keep all this up for long and I'm absolutely terrified of how bad the fall will be and how much it'll affect how #all I've put myself through to achieve peace will be rendered useless because i just wont be able to keep going anymore #god im so tired #tw negativity #told my mother i was too tired and she (understandably) asked me to just keep holding a lik bit and i just. broke down #these are not suicid*l thoughts i do not feel like that anymore i genuinely enjoy living and being alive so much in just so so tired #<- clarification for not tagging that lol i just. do not want it here sorry #she's trying so hard to cheer me up and i just can't stop crying

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