#all 50 episodes finished in two weeks read all the books in 5 days finishing the donghua in

[kwonhochi]

when u think about it my mdzs pipeline was wild. september was a fever dream

[uncloseted]

What are some effective waya to become more productive?

what are some effective ways 2 be productive?

First things first, figure out what the problem actually is. Why are you struggling to be productive? Is it because you're a perfectionist and the idea of not doing the task perfectly stresses you out? Is it because you're lacking the motivation to do anything? Is it because you're struggling to concentrate, or because you're overwhelmed by the task, or because you don't know where to begin? There are tons of reasons why you might be struggling with productivity, and figuring out what the roadblocks you're encountering are can help you to find ways around them. Since I can't read your mind, I'm going to try and give advice that will work for most of the roadblocks you might encounter.

When it comes to big things, I recommend using the SMARTER & WOOP methods. SMARTER and WOOP are two tools that are really useful for behavior modification and other long-term goals you might have.

SMART(ER) is a tool to help you set the right goals for you.  Too often, we set goals like “I’m going to start exercising” or “I’m going to quit going on my phone”.  Those are great in theory, but without an action plan, it’s easy to not follow through.

SMARTER goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful.  If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you.  Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals.  Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals.  That doesn’t mean that you’re failing at your goals or that you should quit; it just means you have to rethink the approach you’re taking.  Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short.  Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

The best goals are ones that include trying new things instead of quitting old ones.  Quitting things is hard; learning something new is easier and more exciting.  If you’re looking to quit something, replace it by establishing a new habit that takes its place.  For example, “I’m going to stop going on my phone,” is hard, but “when I feel like going on my phone, I’ll read a book for ten minutes instead” might be easier to maintain.

After you’ve figured out your SMARTER goal, it’s time to WOOP.  WOOP is something like the scientifically proven cousin of “manifesting”.  Just visualizing our goals or positive thinking on its own can be counterproductive, because it fools our lizard brains into believing that we’ve already achieved the goal.  By using the WOOP method, you can prevent that from happening and actually achieve what you want to achieve.

WOOP stands for:

Wish: Identify a wish that is challenging, yet attainable.  This should be your SMARTER goal.

Outcome: Imagine the best outcome as a result of your wish (as vividly as possible).  Really daydream about what your life would be like if you achieved your goal.

Ask yourself, what is the biggest benefit you could receive from achieving this goal?

Obstacle: Identify and imagine what obstacles will get in the way of your wish.

What might get in the way?  Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, old behavior patterns, bad habits, social pressure… identify as many as you can, then prioritize their likely they are to happen and how significant they would be if they did happen.

Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome the obstacles you identified- “if [obstacle occurs] then I will [plan A].”  Do your best to pick the most effective path you can for each obstacle, and identify a few different plans in case your first plan doesn’t work.

For example, if you wanted to start exercising, your WOOP might look like this:

Wish: Go on a run 3x/week after school/work for a month.

Outcome: Better energy, confidence, and health.

Obstacle: Feeling tired and hungry at the end of the day…Not wanting to go.

Plan: Pack a snack for the end of the day, and put on gym clothes right when you get home.

Or if you wanted to stop watching TV and read more:

Wish: Watch only 5 episodes of TV per week, and read when I feel the urge to watch TV for a month.

Outcome: Learn a lot. Get smarter. Feel better. Enjoy the great ideas. Feel like I’m spending my time wisely.

Obstacle: Not feeling like it. Preferring to watch TV.

P: If I catch myself watching TV, then I turn it off and start reading a book instead.

The last thing you can do to increase the chances that you’ll achieve your goal is to get someone else involved.  Either find a friend who’s setting the same goal that you are, or tell someone about your goal and ask them to help you achieve it by checking up on you.  It can also be helpful to put money on the line- give money to a friend with the understanding that you’ll get it back on a set date if you’ve achieved your goal.  If you really want to ensure that you reach your goal, tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause that you really hate.

For smaller, more day to day tasks:

Make a list of everything you need to do. Sort them into four categories- tasks that are Urgent & Important, tasks that are Not Urgent & Important tasks that are Not Important but Urgent, and tasks that are neither Urgent nor Important. Focus first on the tasks that are Urgent & Important. This can help you prioritize which things to work on first.

From there, take a look at each individual task and break it down into very small steps that you can't fuck up. These can be as small as "open laptop", "open Google Docs", "write name at top of the page", etc. If it helps, you can assign each one of these steps a point count, and then give yourself a treat once you collect enough points (10 points, 20 points, 50 points, and so on).

Once you have your list and have identified all of the steps, just do the first step. It can be daunting to start a big project or task; it's way easier to just do one thing. And once you do one thing, it feels easier to do just one more thing, and just one more thing, and so on until the task is complete.

Once you build up some momentum, I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique. Work for 20-25 minutes (or as long as you can really focus) and then take a 5-10 minute break. Stand up, get a drink, get a snack, watch a short TV episode or a YouTube video, look up that thing that was on your mind, whatever will give your brain a break. Then, set another 20-25 minute timer and get back to work. After three or four cycles of working and taking a short break, take a longer break.

A few other things that I think it's important to remember when it comes to productivity.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. You don't need to finish things, and you don't need to do them perfectly. If it's a choice between doing something badly or not doing it at all, it's always better to do it badly.

You don't need to do things the way other people would do them- do it how it works for you. Sometimes that won't make sense to other people, but that's all right. The only person it has to work for is you. If bouncing back and forth between different tasks works better for you than focusing on one task until it's done, then bounce back and forth between tasks. That's okay.

It's okay to ask for help. If you have trouble doing things, that's okay- find someone who can assist you. Maybe you're bad at projects that don't have someone to be accountable to. Find a friend who will hold you accountable. Maybe you're bad at projects without deadlines. Set deadlines for yourself and get someone to make sure you meet them. Sometimes you don't need to work through your shortcomings- you just need to find a way around them.

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2022 Week 4 (24.01 - 30.01)

Banner photo: Two of my friends have been trying for months to organise a 30th birthday get-together for me, and on Saturday we finally managed it! I got a mug, a book about the history of unicorns, a hot chocolate set and some chocolate. One of them also made me a cake.

Read 7x articles

Finished essay about school uniform

Wrote an essay about the environment

Watched 1x youtube video

Watched 1x Debatten episode

Listened to 2x Ekko podcasts

Finished read Klart Det! Chapter 4

2x italki lessons

Bergenstest practice parts 3&5

Reviewed vocab with Anki (876 cards)

What do you mean January's over already it only just started???

I'm really proud of my Anki streak. I've been studying at least 50 cards every single day for a whole month now! There are about 400 words/phrases in those decks atm (that's accounting for the fact some words appear twice in some decks), and even though some of them take me a little time to remember and I can't use them all in a sentence, I can certainly recognise and understand them the majority of them, and I think if they came up on the Bergenstest they wouldn't cause a problem. A lot of them weren't necessarily new words, but they were words I wasn't completely sure about or words I kinda understood from context, but wouldn't be able to explain or use myself.

That being said... the actual mock tests are continuing to go really badly. I already wrote about the interview reports I tried to do, and I'm still struggling with the short answer questions on the reading section. My tutor gave me Godt Bestått on my latest interview report and said my essay was great apart from some comma errors that would possibly pull my grade down. So, I guess this week I need to go over comma rules. I could also do with doing the other parts of the test as well this week as I’ve been neglecting the listening/reading/grammar parts (but then, I do practise reading and listening outside of doing the tests, so it’s not like I’m not working on them. But I still need to work on a strategy for them).

I've also been treating myself to a little Japanese on Duolingo. It's a bit naughty, but honestly I don't think doing the Norwegian tree is worth my time. If anything, I just get angry because sometimes the translation doesn't sound natural, or in the English translation I omit words we naturally omit only to be marked wrong because the word wasn't omitted in Norwegian. And the grammar/vocab is pretty easy for me otherwise. But I want to keep my 500+ day streak lol. So I just do 10 minutes of Japanese each night, and it's quite nice to have that change of pace. I still consider Japanese a very soothing language, one I’m not in any rush to learn, one that forgives me for my mistakes and never expects me to know the answer (but celebrates when I do, of course). I’ve forgotten a lot, but I also remember a fair bit, and I’m relearning the things I don’t remember from before. It’s nice that it’s coming back to me so quickly. I couldn’t draw most of the kanji, but I recognise quite a few, and I still know hiragana/katakana.

[popculturebuffet]

One Year Anniversary: Top 12 Ducktales Episodes!

Happy anniversary all you happy people! Yes it was one year ago today I started reviewing animation and it’s been a ride to be sure. I’d always WANTED to be a reviewer: I love going on and on about stuff I love, really digging into it and picking it apart... but I could never get started. I tried youtube but I didn’t have the money for the equipment nor a proper shooting space to record, so my efforts.. were not great. And while I TRIED text reviews, my own looming pile of self hatred meant every attempt I made was shot down when it got hard as me not being good enough. 

But one year ago I finally got past that. I’d already been reviewing a bit, doing invididual issues of comics... but got way in over my head trying to do the current line of X-Men comics as it came out, and wisely bowed out of that. But that left a gap: I had nothing to cover week to week and with a demanding new job, I drifted into just doing in charcter chats, little fan fictions script styles. Not bad work, I should do some more at some point and I even got a comissoin once in a while, but nothing I could really live on and not what I wanted to do with my life. 

Enter Ducktales. I’d always WANTED to review the show.. and when the double premire happened, I decided fuck it, and put up my thoughts. And then decided.. hey maybe I can do this every week.. and slowly.. my work evolved, getting better and better, getting more and more likes. I picked up Amphibia when that came by week to week.

And eventually.. this went from a hobby, if one I was passionate about to a career. Not a largely paying one, as only one person was really intrested in paying me for it, friend of the blog and our fincial backer @weirdkev27, but .. it’s money and i’m now making about 30 dollars a month due to a comination of comissions and patreon. Other contributers are always welcome mind you, my patreon is here if your curious and comissions are 5 dollars an episode, but i’ts just nice to have money coming in. To have gone from simply WANTING to review things and make a living off it.. to simply doing it. 

And it’s been one hell of a year.. and not just because 2020 felt like hell or 2021 began with a full on insurrection. I feel like i’ve acomplished a lot in the year i’ve been doing this: I finished what I started with Ducktales season 3, getting better and better as I went. And I didn’t stop there with ducks: I started covering what brought me to Ducks in the first place, the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, and while that retrospective has slid a bit on the schedule, I intend to get it back on track this month. I reviewed a bunch of Darkwing Duck episodes leading up to the Just Us Justice Ducks.. chronologically anyway. The actual airing order reads like someone took 50 issues of a comic, made it rain with them, then just started reading whatever ones they picked up randomly. I also covered some of Duck Master Carl Barks work with the classics Night on Bear Mountain, A Christmas for Shacktown and Back to the Klondike, with more to come. 

And the Duck didn’t stop at just reviews I did on my own: Kev comissioned two MASSIVE retrospectives from me: My first for him was Ride of the Three Caballleros where in just a few short months I covered the boys entire televisied careers together from the movie, to house of mouse, to mickey and the roadster racers, to ducktales (again) and finishing with the wonderful Legend of the Three Caballeros. It has probably the worst Daisy imaginable, but otherwise is really excellent and i’m glad I finally watched it. I also covered Don Rosa’s two stories with the boys as part of it. It was a fun ride and I enjoyed every minute of it... okay most of them again Three Cabs Daisy is the worst. And once that finished Kev started up another idea: Shadow Into Light: a look at Lena’s character arc from start to finish that has gone on to be my most popular series on this blog, and that finishes next week. And there’s more to come as after that there’s a short breather with a look at Lilo and Stitch’s crossover episodes.. folllowed by me looking at all three of season 2′s ducktales arcs. And I fully intend to have covered every episode of the series by this time next year, so stay tuned. 

Outside of ducks though I didn’t slow down. I restarted my Tom Lucitor retrospective, covering what i feel to be one of Star Vs’ two best characters, tied with eclipsa, and my personal faviorite as he redeemeed himself, found love and I bitched a lot about the horrible directions the series took and probabably will more as that’s still not done yet. I did what I always wanted to do and started looks at some of my faviorite comics ever, starting with Life and Times and adding in New X-Men and Scott PIlgrim. I also threw in the awesome comic Blacksad. I did pride month for the first time and not only came out publicly, but also did two whole arcs i’m proud of with The Saluna episodes of Loud house and the rednid episodes of OK KO, and generally just had myself a good old fashioned time as an out bi man reviewing childrens cartoons. 

I started Season 2 of amphibia with it’s lows of an endlesss road trip and highs of adding Marcy to the cast and giving us more of the silky voiced keith david. And finally Patreon wise Kev’s taken me on a hell o fa journey: In addition to the restrospectives i’ve covered some additional darkwing duck, and a simpsons homage to the duck comics... but also got a bit weird and obscure with detours like the lost animnaics sucessor Histeria, the apocalyptic comedy where Santa dosen’t know how doors work Whoops! and the adventures of Santa’s bratty teen daughter jingle belle. In short.. it’s been a long year but damn has it been fun and there’s more to come. I’d like to thank all of you for reading, thank my Patreons Kev and Emma for supporting me, and thank my family for doing the same.  So with that out of the way, I figured the best way to celebrate was to do something i’ve been wanting to do for a long time, something honoring the show that gave me this calling in the first place. And with Season 3 sadly being the last, and enough weeks having passed for me to digest it between the finale and today, I could think of nothing better than my top 12 episodes of Ducktales.

Ducktales is one of the best cartoons of the 2010′s. Brilliantly taking EVERYTHING that had come before, the comics, the original cartoon and every bit of duck media period to craft a masterful, unique and wonderful reboot. It was funny, it was insane, and it had damn good character arcs. By the end every member of the main cast along with major supporting cast members like Fenton, Drake and especially Lena, had changed and signifigantly at that. The show was everything I could’ve dreamed of and more and I miss it terribly, hoping DIsney will do a revivial movie at some point. For now though, Frank and Matt’s run on ducktales, as they called it and I do too since i’m a massive comic book nerd, it’s time to look back on my favorite tales of ducks. So grab your sharks, your number one dimes and your friendship cakes with clear gay undertones and join me under the cut as I celebrate one of my faviorite shows and my anniversary in the best way possible. 

12. House of the Lucky Gander! 

 So as i’ve gone on about before and no doubt will again, Donald kinda got the short end of the stick in season 1. While Frank and Matt had good story intentions, keeping Donald away from adventure since he had no interest in it, in practice it meant a beloved Disney Icon who they and disney HEAVILY promoted as part of the series and whose being here this go round was a big draw for fans of the comics.... was only in a quarter of the season and only got TWO plots centered around him in 23 episodes, with only one being the main plot of the episode. The PIlot and Finale both centered around the family more as a whole if your curious how I counted those so while he got plenty of focus in both, it’s still not a day in the limelight sort of thing. 

But unusually for Donald, he lucked out as his one big starring role for Season 1 was both one of my faviorites and one of Season 1′s most inventive outings.  A lot of the episodes enegy comes from a one two punch of a great guest star and one of the series best settings. The guest star is of course everyone’s faviorite overly lucky himbo Gladstone Gander. The show adapted the prick perfectly: The original Gladstone from the comics.. was the worst asshole imaginable, utterly insufferable. And for a villian, and Donald’s rival, that’s all well and good.. but his super luck meant he RARELY , if ever, suffered any consequences for being just...

The 87 series simply made him nicer, while Going Quackers simply removed his luck. No adaptation really got how to make this fucker work.. until this one. Here Frank split the diffrence: Gladstone is still smug.. but he’s no longer actively malicious. While he is an insensitive prick to Donald in this one, unlike the comics he’s not constantly bragging about his luck or how great he is or actively BAITING Donald to fight with him or trying to ruin his relationship or a million other reasons he sucks and I hate him.

This version by contrast... is generous. He’s not the most empathetic, because he doesn’t get how life works, but he does share the riches of the casnio with everyone and in a cameo appearance in “Treasure of the Found Lamp” gladly offers his nephews some diamonds. He’s got a nice surface level charm to him that makes you understand why people like him.. but it’s also clear ther’es nothing UNDER that of value, making you equally understand why Scrooge and Donald hate him. Gladstone in this reboot is a perfect example of why we need reboots or new adaptations in the first place: Because sometimes the original got something wrong or something can be done much better by the new writers. 

He’s perfectly paired with the setting: The House of Lucky Fortune, a mystical casino with an East Asian astatic based in the country of Macaw and provides two great plots. Donald’s really highlights his character: His understandable jealousy at gladstone earning the boys love through nothing while he struggles to make a living for them, and how he feels like a looser and like Gladstone is simply showing that off instead of just not knowing what empathy is. Having Louie be the one to bond with Gladstone was also just pitch pefefct, as is showing some depth for the boy by having himr ealize his hero is an asshole and be the one to help donald in the end. 

The other plot is just pure joy though and is where the setting REALLY shines: Scrooge and the rest of the kids try to leave.. but can’t find the exit. This is where the creative part comes in: The Casino simply morphs to keep people trapped, and caters to them, giving them whatever they want to keep them trapped. In the cases of the kids it’s all hilarious and adorably in character: Huey becomes entranced by a fancy water show, in one of his best bits of the season, Dewey gets a pet tiger who sadly did not come home with him and Webby gets to live the dream we’ve all had of stuffing her face directly in a choclate fountain. Scrooge’s escape is likewise clever: He simply prepares to get a room.. then books it as the check in desk is ALWAYS near the front. 

We then find out Gladston’es trapped get the whole mystical contest with absolutely gorgeous animation, i’ll talk about it in full some time but this episode is just a treat to watch, has a great arc for donald and had some memorable gags. I can’t help but smile when I watch it. 

11. The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!  As I mentioned before i’m a superhero nerd so naturally Fenton was one of my faviorite parts of the show. Frank and Matt were just damn good at crafting superhero stories, and like gladstone improved fenton turning him from an awkward donald stand in to an awkward peter parker-esque science nerd who just wants to be a good person and the best hero he can be. He got into science not just because he thinks it’s neat, but because he honestly wants to help people and you can’t help but foot for him whenever he pops up. Lin Manuel Miranda is a large reason for that, bringing his incomparable a-game to the character. While we sadly didn’t get a ton of gizmoduck focused episodes, the fatct we got AS MANY as we did and that Lin didn’t drop out for a minute even with his busy schedule was a miracle and I’m acknowledging that. 

As for why this one, I feel it builds brilliantly on the previous Fentoncentric episode Who Is Gizmoduck?! which just BARELY didn’t make this list and uses the fact we haven’t seen fenton in a while as both a plot point and to move some things forward without having to spend screentime they clearly didn’t have. By having Fenton be just burnt out on superheroics it finds a way to both explain where he’s been, he’s been busy with his new job, and give us an interesting angle to the old “superhero is tired of the life” thing. He never once complains about saving people or stuff... it’s just like any job it gets tiring after a while. As someone who has his dream job but has struggled with it from time to time, I vastly relate. 

Though while I love my boy and Lin is game as always, the episodes real MVP is my other boy Huey. The episode has moved Huey up from being simply Fenton’s fanboy to being his best friend, and adorable as hell relationship. The two clearly respect and appricate each other and Huey is looking out for his buddy the whole episode. His love of love is also just really cute. Added in the mix is Webby, who in one of my faviorite gags of the series, finds out Fenton is  Gizmoduck because Huey is incredibly and insanely blatant with his unecessary coverup. But she of course is game to help while Fenton is trying to play it casual. We also just get a waterfall of great gags as everyone overdoes it wingmanning for fenton: Huey sets up an itallian bistro and tries to purposfully create a lady and the tramp situation, and sings opera (With Manny on acordian), the wonderfully 80′s suit from Fenton’s dad his mom gives him to wear, and Launchpad, who gives us a tremendous list of his exes, and plays my favorite song of the series: It’s a Date, a micheal mcdonnel riff. 

This episode also wisely ups Mark’s Beaks game as Fenton’s arch enemy, still keeping him hilaroius, with the guy acting like a bored teenager and guzzling so much nanite jucie he turns into a hulk, as well as said hulk mode leading to a ton of great gags from kidnapping the children (”I got your kids.. are they your kids? I don’t know how this family works), to “take that coach dad” to eating a pie with tins and all and wondering about said tins. But he’s an actual threat now, taking on fenton in one hell of a fight, and having an utterly transcendent scene where he hacks his way past gyro’s security while dancing.. and dabbing because of course he does. It’s a fun, well done character piece that’s mostly here for i’ts laugh but Fenton’s struggle with Gizmo overtaking his life, and finding out someone he truly hit it off iwth only wanted him for that.. it’s really good stuff and Lin’s delivery after Fenton finds out, the pure pain and betryal in his voice, is just excellent. Also that opera scene is poetry. 

10. Quack Pack!

One of the episodes that started my career naturally landed here. Not for that reason though: Quack Pack is a fun riff on sitcoms, specifically the tgif ones of the 90′s that Disney Afternoon Kids no doubt also watched, the kinds Disney Channel still makes today, and most importanly the kind the Disney Afternoon itself made like Goof Troop and well... Quack Pack. 

Riffs on sitcoms are nothing new and the last year has been FULL of them. 2020 gave us this episode, Beef House and the wonderful “The Perfect House” episode of Close Enough, and this year gave us WandaVision, my second favorite MCU project so far, right behind Black Panther, which used the sitcom deconstruction to create one hell of a character study. 

So you’d think with a year having passed and this concept happening as an entire mini series would dull this one.. but no. it’s still damn funny, having fun at the cliches while, again like WandaVision, having one of the main cast be responsible by accident but go along with it. The episode pivots from glorious affectionate parody of cheesy sitcoms, to that plus horrifying “Humans”, and a character piece for Donald. This brings Donald’s hatred and fed up ness with adventure to a head revealing his fondest wish is just to have a normal life and not loose anyone again. 

It takes one of his best friends to snap him out of it. Look Goofy is my second faviorite of the sensational seven, an episode with him was already an easy sell for me.. but the episode uses him really well. First for laughs as he’s gentically dispositioned to be a perfect sitcom neighbor.. but also for heart. With his family preoccupied and a bit hurt, i’ts Goofy who cuts to the heart of the issue, pointing out NO ONE is normal and even his normal domestic life raising Max, who we see go to prom with roxanne eeeeee, has all sorts of chaos. Normal is what you make of it and pining for some ideal that will never happen was just tearing donald apart piece by piece and by letting go of that.. he finally begins to grow as a person throughout the season. It’s also a great thematic tie in to the season’s overall plot with Bradford and what Makes donald, despite also disliking the chaos his family gets into, different. Donald accepted it and grew as a person.. Bradford clung to his hate and it ate him alive. Or turned him into a non-sapient kind of vulture. Before I close this part out Jaleel White is also excellent and I wish eh’d get back into voice acting. He’s so freaking good at it. Seriously man i’d love to see him and ben in a sonic property together as a mythology gag. Same with Jims cummings and carey. Just think about it whoever owns the sonic movies.. think about it. 

9. The Last Adventure!

Look I knew this was coming, you knew this was coming. But it had to be on here. The Last Adventure is not perfect: The lack of a build up episode like the previous two finales had really hurt this one: even at about 70 minutes, it still feels rushed in places and Huey, one of hte main characters of the season, dosen’t feel like he has a full payoff to his character like Dewey and Louie got. 

But despite those flaws.. this episode is just a damn good ending. Almost everyone gets a big moment paying off their character arc, everyone in the party that comes to rescue webby and huey, along with the two themselves, gets a moment to show off, and everything comes together to give us one last epic sendoff. There’s just moment stacked on moment stacked on moment from Launchpads heroic second wind and donning of the gizmoduck armor, to Webby’s tearful confrontation with Beakley, to Huey using the greatest adventure of all line to foil bradford in one of the most deligfhully nuts moments of the series, I could go on for days with just how triumphant this finale felt. While it left a lot of doors open.. that feels like part of the design. It’s the end of the fight with FOWL.. but our heroes will never stop adventuring, never stop going and never stop being in our hearts and the curtain call at the end is now my faviorite bit of end credits ever, perfectly giving the main cast and friends one last chance to take a bow in their own unique ways. I will always miss this show but I will never be disapointed by the note it went out on. 

8. The 87 Cent Solution!

Look some episodes are show stoppers, some are heartfelt tearjerkers, some are all this and more.. and some episodes are just clever and hilarious. The 87 Solution is the second funniest episode of Ducktales with me and my go to episode when watching the show. It’s just pure fun and with a clever premise: Scrooge notices 87 cents have gone missing, and already coming down with a cold, goes mad with paranoia as the kids slowly don face masks, something that has become even eeerier given everything, one by one realizing he needs to stop. 

While David Tennant is an EXCELLENT dramatic actor, his comedy timing is really something that shoudln’t be ignored and i’ts on full display here as his performance gets more and more deranged, to thep oint he thinks an 8th dimensional imp is repsonsible. He nicely balances the disturbing side of Scrooge’s paranoia, his distancing from his family, with plenty of great gags about it too, the standout being when he offers 2 million dollars to whoever took the money like he’s publicly appeasing kidnappers. It’s fucking brilliant. 

But while David is awesome as ever what really, truly makes the episode is my boy, one of my faviorite characters on the show if not my single faviriote FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD. Keith Ferguson is ALWAYS a dream as the character but this is his best performance by far. Part of this is the addition of Zan Owlson, Kev who I mentioned earlier’s faviorite Ducktales character. She’s not only throughly likeable in her own right, but provides the one thing Flinty was missing; a straight man.. or woman in this case. Scrooge wasn’t TERRIBLE in the roll, but can easily step away from his shit or foil it. Owlson has to put up with Glomgold’s nonsense while desperatly trying to stop him from undoing all her hard work with sheer force of jackass. The two jut play off each other brilliantly, Glomgold not getting sh’es not his employee but his equal and Owlson constnatly snarking at him. 

And of course both things hit their peak in the climax with the family staging a fake funeral (Though no one told donald it was fake), and we get the funniest scene in the entire fucking show as Glomgold burts in in a white suit, money shades and full dance number to “All I Do Is Win’, which when first watching this I was convinced the song was somehow accidnetly on in the background but nope. They got it after using it in the test phase and the scene is better for it. Glomgold twerking on Scrooge’s casket, trying to get on it to dance, and having to be placated like ac hild is the icing on this very rich cake

And the reveal scene is also gold as Glomgold gets into a YEARLONG staring contest with a baby, fails to steal more than the 87 cents and, in my faviorite touch, put on an imp costume just to make scrooge seem crazier... then keeps the damn thing on the rest of the time for no explicable reason. The episode is the show at it’s comedic peak while giving Glomgold a chance to be a genuine threat and that’s Glomgood. 

7. Let’s Get Dangerous!

Frank’s Rebooted Version of Darkwing Duck is probably his greatest achivment with the show. While this show is a team effort, something I slowly realized as I reviewed the show, it’s very clear from the way he talks, how well he knows the show and how much effort was put into porting Darkwing into the reboot that this was his baby. While redefining ducktales for the 2010′s was clearly a huge dream of his... doing the same for the master of suprise was an even bigger goal. And as a huge fan of superheroes i’ve seen my fair share of half assed takes on laired and complex characters. The XCU alone is one giant grab bag of missed opportunities for me. 

So i’ts no exageration when I tell you Frank.. nailed it. In one of the most brilliant moves i’ve seen for a superhero work Frank worked his love of the show into the reboot.. by having Darkwing have been a show, one Launchpad loved.. and so did Drake, who was inspried by the show to become an inspriation himself and while his attempt to do that through a zack snydery reboot failed, Launchpad encouraged him to do it for real. Drake was still himself, but the meta aspect and the toning down of some of darkwing’s more obnoxious traits that didn’t work in a universe that, while patently rediciulous still took it’s characters seriously, he made a BETTER version of the character.

This is where all that comes to it’s peak, and hoppefully convinced Disney to let Frank , and possibly matt, run the reboot. And no, even if Point Grey is producing that dosen’t stop that: Thanks to Invincible i’ve now realized that Seth and his friend Evan producing the show dosen’t mean it’ll be RAN by them, nor unrelated to this. It just means their helping make it and if anything given how lush and gorgeous invincible’s animation is, it’s a VERY good sign their helping out with it if it’s true. 

But wether this versoin continues or not, Frank gave it his best shot. Part of his diffrent angle is having Drake as a rookie here and as such here we see him truly struggle: he’s had his origin, he ahs the cape, he has the gadgets (in a brilliant turn thanks to fenton, who he actually likes... but is so far the ONLY person to not get he’s Gizmoduck), and the city.. but no crime to fight and no real idea how to go about his lifelong dream. The events of the episode slowly shape him: WHile he already had the spirit for darkwing, never giving up, looking good in a cape etc, this episode gives him the heart the same way it gave his original it: With Gosalyn. Dimantopolis and Beatriz just play off each other perfectly, as the two go from neimies to slowly bonding as Drake realizes this kid needs him and that he needs to fight for more than just filing the ohle inside, and goes to hell and back to help her get her grandpa back, with one of the best moments of the episode to me being when Launchpad helps her realize how hard he’s been working at it, an exausted drake refusing to acccept that he can’t get her grandpa back because he promised. He grows from simply trying to live the dream.. to surpassing the original. We also see more from Launchpad, who grows into his new family and helps push his boyfriend and newa dopted daughter in the right directions. The episode really evolves these characters from the simple disney afternoon versions, who while awesome were made into fully fleshed out characters. Gosalyn still has her edge but now has a hard lesson to learn about doing the right thing, forced to give up someone she loves for the greater good but finding a new family in the process. 

Part of what makes the episode work though as while it is funcitonally one big darkwing duck reboot pilot that’s awesome, heartrending and a joy to watch... it’s still a ducktales episode in parts without either part hurting each other. Huey plays a vital role, figuring the ramrod is too good to be true.. and discovering just how it is, then when captured, slowly unravling why Bradford’s there and being at least in part responsible for outing him as a FOWL agent. While this is largely Drakes story the rest of the cast is still vital to it: Scrooge trusting in huey, Louie serving as his logical counter and Dewey meanwhile bonding with team darkwing and helping Gosalyn, knowing exactly where she’s been and providing a nice foil. The episode is just one long and impressive love letter to the original show while creating it’s own thing and that’s really this reboot in a nutshell. It also has some of the best fights of the series, with the first fight between darkwing and bulba, where our hero, unlike his original counterpart, easily troucnes bulba using his speed and skill, is the standout. 

6. Woo-Ooo!

I covered this one recently so I won’t go on for too long.. but I will say I hold this one up as the gold standard for first episodes. In one hour, hell even in jus the first half we get a sense of the whole cast, the tone of the show, and the world we’ve been thrust into. It gets all the table setting out of the way by weaving it into a compelling story of Scrooge getting back in the game, finding a reason to get back to what he does best in those he loves most and setting up the season long arc effortlessly in the process. The worst I can say about the episode is it sets the bar a bit high for Season 1 and a lot of the first half really struggled to reach these heights. This episode is a masterwork and the perfect showcase for what the series would be at it’s height. 

5. Moonvasion!

Speaking of Golden Standards, Moonvasion is one of the best season finale’s i’ve seen. it’s not THE best.. but that’s a really high bar to clear and that spots currently taken in my heart by “The Crossroads of Destiny” from Avatar the Last Airbender. But while not the best of it’s kind, it’s sitll the best the series put out and is an utterly satisfying epic that ties up season 2. 

While I love the Last Adventure, it had a LOT to tie up and was really hampered by having to do all of that with no direct lead in. Moonvasion by contrast hits the ground running with the Moonlanders arriving on earth and all hell breaking loose, and the episode itself breaking into two stellar plots. Scrooge leading an army of every ally he has against the invaders, and Della seemingly going for reinforcements.. but really just trying to keep the kids safe from it, to their anger once they find out. 

Both sides end up going badly: Scrooge looses most of his army as Lunaris was one step ahead of him and is left iwth Beakly and Launchpad, while Della ends up marooned.. and finds Donald. The reunion between the two is the highlight of the special, as the two argue as you’d expect (And Dewey cutting in seemingly to stop it.. only to rant at Donald for costing him “ten years of turbo” is the best gag of the episode), before embracing. 

Our heroes naturally find ways to bounce back though. Louie, capping off his growth for the season, convinces his mom they can’t just hide.. and in the second best scene of the episode sings the lullabye she wrote.. one Donald sung them every night

And no sooner than Della gets her step back and realizes that dangerous or not she and her newly reunited family have to get back in there, do the cousins show up on Fethry’s giant shrimp/girlfriend Mitzi, and our heroes head back. 

Scrooge’s plot hits i’ts peak though as he’s forced to accept the help of an unlikely and unwelcome ally: Glomgold, who turns out to be exactly what they need: While his plan is as stupid, short sighted and insane as you’d expect, complete with forcing Scrooge to dress up as santa just to piss him off and dressing his sharks in parkas (”I call them sharkas”), the sheer lonacy throws Lunaris off as he dosen’t know how to deal with this and Glomgold not only gets the better of him but gets his company back as part of his scheme.  “You were prepared for our best but not our dumbest!” “And i’m the dumbest theirs ever been! Muahahahaha! Wait...”

And of course our other heroes arrive just in time to save things.. and the episode still manages to pull off what many works struggle to, something tha’ts very hard to: a SECOND climax. Lunaris decides to just say fuck it and blow up the earth and i’ts up to our core family to kick his ass in space. Epic space battles, Della’s girlfriend meeting the family and more insues and an emotoinal, action packed and fully satisfying finale is had by all... and it’s all topped with one of the best sequel hooks i’ve ever seen as FOWL makes themselves known to us.. and prepares to strike. 

4. How Santa Stole Christmas! This one will also be short as i’ve talked about this one.. a lottttt. The initial review, my best christmas specials list and my best of 2020 list. I stand by all of that: this is a unique and wonderful christmas special, i’ll be watching it every year, and i’ts full of charm, humor and gay subtext. In short it’s this series but on christmas footing. 

3. Last Crash of the Sunchaser! 

Another one I covered very recently, this episode is a master piece of suspense, slowly building tension as our heroes get closer and closer to the truth about Della.. and to death, the simple but deadly stakes making this an absolute nailbiter from start to finish. This is some of the series best pacing bar none... but what seals it is the ending: the masterful flashback finally explaning whatever happened to Della duck, our heroes lashing out at each other.. all cumilating in the best Scene of the show. I said it might be in the review but no I can confirm: Scrooge bitterly ruminating over things while we find out just how much he’s lost... ending with him tearfully and angrily sitting once again alone in one hell of a powerful shot echoing Scrooge’s first apperance. Damn fine stuff. 

2. Escape from The Impossbin Only one episode not only matches Last Crash in mounting tension and atmosphere but suprasses it. With FOWL and Bradford’s true nature now out in the wind, this episode uses that to create tension and rattles it’s two most unshakable characters: SCrooge’s normal boundless confidence is shot, not sure he can win this time against an opponent who knows him as well as he knows himself while Beakly slowly unravels, pitting Webby against the boys.. and pitting herself against Webby when Webby sees her terroizing them is only dividing them. Both plots start out funny enough but slowly escalate in tension and stakes until by the end your on the edge of your seat. The Beakly plot is the standout of the two, giving Bentina the starring role she badly needed, having gotten even better in light of the finale. Everyone is at the top of their game and everything builds up to one hell of a twist ending and one hell of a badass boast from our heroes: Their down.. but their far from out and this is far from over. 

1. Nightmare On Kimotor Hill!

I”ll be reviewing this episode in full later this week as part of my Lena retrospective, but I stand by putting it up top. This episode is ducktales in it’s purest form and focuses on it’s best original character as Lena grapples with her self hatred and her past. That core helps anchor an amazing concept: going into the Kid’s dreams and finding out their greatest desires. The results.. are all gloriously rediclous and are easily the best gags of hte series as a whole: Dewey’s high school musical santa claus is going ot high school nonsense from getting a’s in Dewology to running away from the abstract concept of a love intrest, to not getting the sybolism of himself crying a moon made of his own tears. Louie quite literally becoming garfield, and my faviorite scene of the show: Huey, wanting to be the tall older brother..g iving himself horrifcly long leg. While everyone else is just understandably baffled, what makes the scene is the banter between Dewey and Huey, with Schwartz and Pudi at their best as Dewey first freaks out and then asks what the hell man, while Huey defends his weird decision (”I”m not good at imagination stuff okay!”), and then tries to get a jar of pickles. Each dream is just so oddly and wonderfully specific to each kid and each one of the triplests dreams, as well as violets being color coded down tot he backgrounds is a very nice touch. The visuals here are just peak ducktales, using the setting for all it’s worth and the climax is utterly emotoinal and heartbreaking... and Lena’s break from her abuser, finally realizing she has the power now is not only a wonderful metaphor... but also just so damn cathartic. And that’s why this one’s the best to me personally: it just packs so much into 20 minutes: some of the series best and most creative jokes, a gripping emtoinal arc, and so much more. It’s just that damn good and tha’ts why it’s the best... that and starting Huelet for me. Seriously that LIbrary scene is so fucking cute. 

Thank you all for reading. If you liked this artcle, join my patreon and help me get to my stretch goal for monthly darkwing duck reviews, a review of super ducktales and more after! Until the next rainbow... it’s been a pleasure. 

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 5x02 Red Queen

Note: I’m afraid that I’ll have to delay my review of 7x12 The Stranger a bit longer - maybe till Friday (because I’m busy with work, and I think that one may take a bit more time to finish), but in the meantime, here’s - finally - a continuation of my season 5 rewatch reviews. It happens to be the only seasons I haven’t covered yet - except for 5x01 Eden, which I rewatched a few months ago after 7x02 The Garden, because I wanted to compare the two. I was planned to do Red Queen right afterwards - it’s interesting to compare and contrast Octavia’s character transformations in season 5 and season 7 - but it didn’t pan out that way. But now, @jeanie205 and me have started another joint rewatch during the hiatus, this one of season 5. (She only saw it live, week to week, and hasn’t rewatched it yet, I binged it and this is my second rewatch.)

...............................

I’ve always thought of season 5 as a season with a really strong beginning - the first 3 or 4 episodes are fantastic - which drags a bit in the middle before ending a very strong two-part finale.. The 6-year jump, in terms of storytelling, had both good and bad results. These two opening episodes, Eden and Red Queen, really make the best out of the time jump, with flashbacks about Clarke surviving on her own on a desolated Earth and meeting Madi, and flashbacks of what happened to Wonkru in the bunker. It says a lot that we got half an episode of Clarke surviving on Earth, a full episode plus a bunch of flashbacks in 5x11 about the bunker... and nothing about the Ring (till that one flashback in season 7). It’s because the life on the Ring was so boring and uneventful that the show didn't care to show anything of those 6 years. Clarke’s peaceful life with Madi in Eden also happened off-screen - we only saw their first meeting and their later relationship in the present - but Clarke’s two months of terrible hardship got covered in amazing 20 minutes. But the bunker is where things were the most intense. 

If the Ring seems to be just boring everyday life of 7 people who can’t go anywhere for 6 years, and if Clarke got to live in Eden (paradise) with Madi after the purgatory of 40 50+ days in the desert, the bunker is clearly Hell. It is a claustrophobic underground world full of anger, conflict and violence that certainly looks like Hell by the end of the episode.

The last scene, with its horror imagery, reminded me of the current Sanctum storyline in season 7 (both Blodreina and Sheidheda like using skulls as decoration), and the comparison shows exactly why the bunker/Blodreina story worked so well, and why the S7 Sanctum story does not. It’s all about moral ambiguity and keeping the audience on its toes, pulling the rug from under us by making us unsure how to feel about characters and their actions, which Red Queen does so well (and which S7 Sanctum storyline completely fails to do, being very predictable and black and white). Red Queen is so well done and intense that I don’t even mind that Clarke and Bellamy and some of my other favorites aren’t in it.

Timeline: The episode starts 42 days after Praimfaya and ends 46 days after Praimfaya.

The opening scenes take place at the same time when Clarke arrived in Polis and tried to open the door. Clarke's only listed as appearing in this episode because of this repeated scene from Eden. (It’s weird that apparently not just the Temple, but the Tower also apparently fell on the entrance. The Tower is next to the Temple, but I’m not sure if that would really happen?) I’m not sure what exactly caused the rubble to fall down, but this is the moment where everyone loses hope, since they know they probably can’t get out, even though they have 5 years to try to think of the solution.

Niylah has found a bunch of books and some other stuff in the bunker, and one of the books was Ovid’s Metamorphoses, which we now know was Callie Cadogan’s book. (That was a nice Easter Egg in 7x08.) Niylah knows Bellamy used to read to Octavia about Ancient Rome - she must have heard it from her or from Clarke or someone else in Arkadia over the last month or so that she spent with them. It is still surprising she knows about Ovid, specifically. What she doesn’t know when she gives Octavia the book is how symbolic it is of what happens to Octavia throughout this episode - her metamorphosis into Blodreina. (We even see the opening line on screen: “ I intend to speak of forms changed into new entities..”).

Octavia Blake is a character who has undergone more dramatic transformations than any other character on The 100. I wasn’t a big fan of her in some of the early seasons, but now I think that, after what the show has done with her since season 4, she has probably had the best character arc of any character on the show. (Some would say it’s Murphy, but that’s because people like to think of character development as going from bad to good, a positive progression - which is a lot more predictable and done quite often. What the show did with Octavia is much more complex and unexpected.) Her turn to the dark side and subsequent redemption were really well done, and Marie Avgeropoulos is one of the best actors on the show (I’ve always thought so regardless of how I felt about her character at any given time) and pulled off her changes in season 5 so well.

What the episode does really well is maintain ambiguity about Octavia’s development as a leader. The first time you watch it, it’s not clear what is she developing into. Is this a story about a well-meaning but still inexperienced teenage girl becoming a great leader? Well, the cliffhanger of 5x01 showed the fighting pits and the new scary Blodreina look, so it’s already hinted it’s not quite like that. But the episode still makes you root for Octavia, who’s up against not just the difficult circumstances - trapped in the bunker, limited resources - but also tribalism of Skaikru and 11 Grounder clans and a lot short-sighted people who hate and keep fighting each other. You just can’t not root for her when she starts forcing them to obey, near the end of the episode (and it’ certainly comes off as a very badass scene - if a bit unrealistic, since Octavia has only been training in Grounder-style combat for about 7-8 months at that point) - but then things may start getting a little ominous as she repeats the mantra “You are Wonkru, or you are the enemy of Wonkru. Choose!” (“You’re either with us, or against us” statements by political leaders are always worrying), even before the ending, where both Octavia and the bunker look like something out of a horror movie. This entire storyline made the point that unity can’t be forced on people, especially not by a single all-powerful leader, without turning into tyranny and oppression.

What’s also morally ambiguous is advice from the mortally wounded Jaha, which ends up influencing Octavia’s decisions and development as a leader. Jaha was always one of the most morally grey characters - he’s not evil, always had good intentions, but his ruthlessness and willingness to disregard individual lives in the name of the Big Picture of saving “his (collective) people” and his complete confidence that this is the right leadership style, were always very disturbing, and made him the villain in the eyes of - and the lives of - all the young protagonists of the show. In season 4, some of them started seeing his perspective. faced with the similar difficult choices. After Clarke in season 4, Octavia also starts seeing his perspective - which is particularly disturbing because it is the same man who executed her mother for just having a child, and locked her up for a year as a criminal just for being born. But Jaha’s actions in Red Queen are some of his most heroic ever in the show, and he gets a heroic death and a moving death scene... while still being kind of a real d1ck, someone who justifies Aurora’s execution to Octavia by saying her mother made herself “the enemy” and bringing them “closer to death���. In the context, Jaha as an unexpected mentor to Octavia can be seen as something good or at least a necessary for her to develop into a capable leader... Or is it? The line between hero and villain can be very thin. Sure, it helps Octavia resolve the situation, save hundreds of people in the bunker, and apparently unite everyone into Wonkru - but as we see by the end of the episode and the rest of the season, it also ends up making her a tyrant who ends up getting hundreds of her people killed in the name of saving “her people” and delivering them to paradise as a messiah. She becomes the same thing she hated, an oppressor like those who forced her to hide under the floor and killed her mother.  

(This dialogue from season 4 is pretty relevant here:  

Clarke: You know, he used to be everything that I hated. Maybe he was keeping us together.

Jasper: When Jaha's looking reasonable, it's time to reassess.)

I have to say, however, in spite of all the moral greyness... I can’t stand Kara Cooper. She’s one of the few characters on the show that just piss me off to no end and I can’t find any sympathy for her. I know that it’s different for others, I’ve seen people say they see her perspective, and yes, the show  gives her a tragic backstory (losing her father in the Culling on the Ark and her husband in the Second Culling in 4x12)... but this time I can’t bring myself to care, because: 

She wants to leave some 1100+ people to die, even though she should be well aware that, even if there is a problem of overpopulation in the bunker*, she really doesn’t have to kill that many people, 

She’s a scientist and gives a speech about how the lack of diversity would lead to a massive die-off for plants... Surely she should know that the same would happen to the humans, and that a human race can’t survive with just around 80 people?! which leads me to

She doesn’t care about the survival of the human race and is ready to condemn it to extinction, just so she and a few others would live more comfortably and wouldn’t be in danger of immediate death, 

She says she wants to save “her people” - but it’s all about tribalism (Skaikru or not Skaikru?) and not love, and she is a hypocrite, because she is ready to leave a bunch of Skaikru outside the door to die, too, 

She is a hypocrite when she acts like Abby did something terrible by opening the bunker door to save Kane (which also saved hundreds of people more than would have otherwise been saved) - basically, she’s like “ Abby, how dare you not prioritize my husband, a guy you didn't even know, over your boyfriend? You're so terrible!" Sure. That makes sense. 

Her arguments about why the bunker “belongs” to Skaikru are rubbish: “ "Jaha found it. It belonged to us" - even if we accept the finders-keepers idea, actually, multiple people helped find the bunker. Yes, Jaha was the driving force, but Bellamy found the coin, and Kane, Monty and Gaia all massively contributed to finding it - without Gaia's info they wouldn't have ever found it - as did Indra, and the fighters from Trikru and their allies who guarded the temple so they could do it. She just ignored all these facts. If they had kept the bunker in 4x11, they would have left most of these people out (including Kane and Monty). Oh, and she is now trying to take the bunker back... and she’s ready to leave Jaha himself outside! 

And after all of that, she saves her own skin by being the most ruthless one of everyone Octavia sent to the fighting pit and killing them all - and then becomes Octavia’s right hand and sycophant. What integrity! 

While many people seem to think that Octavia’s downfall started with the cannibalism during the Dark Year, I think it’s the decision at the end of Red Queen to open the fighting pits and start punishing every crime by throwing people in them. This is her first really bad decision. In practice, this form of “justice” means that you can commit any crime you want if you're good at killing people once you’re in the pit. it fosters a culture of violence - even more so when death matches are entertainment. So, in the end, the guy from Delphi clan who just stole blankets (the Sangedakru delegate Brell demanded death for that - their laws are pretty draconian, makes me wonder in retrospect if Sheidheda was the one who first imposed them) died, while Kara effing Cooper got to live because she was the most ruthless person there. What I think Octavia should have done is - she should have executed the murderers and the leaders of the rebellion and given minor punishments to people who did things like steal blankets. (it's been argued they needed Cooper for the farm - but that was not the reasoning, Octavia left her with everyone else to fight.) 

This was Octavia, sadly, combining not the best, but the worst of the Ark system (death as the punishment for every crime or minor misdemeanor), Grounder tradition (death matches as the solution to everything) and her childhood stories of the Ancient Rome. If you're using Ancient Rome gladiator fights as your role model...you've probably stopped being a good guy.

The last scene, fighting pits 6 years later, is similar to the cliffhanger end of the previous episode, only now we get the cliffhanger of Kane being one of the fighters. Octavia is in her full Blodreina mode now. Not just her outward look has changed, but her facial expressions, too - this is the first time we see that cold, sinister Blodreina smile. Indra doesn’t look too happy, Gaia and Ethan are there. Miller- even after that much time - doesn’t look too happy with Cooper being there, by Octavia's side.

This is straight up horror imagery. There is even some sort of structure made of skulls next to where she's sitting!  Not exactly a throne of skulls like Sheidheda has in season 7 but something similar.

But here’s why this works so differently than Sheidheda and his throne of skulls in season 7 and why people are bored by the latter. There is no ambiguity in the S7 Sanctum story. Sheiheda is completely, cartoonishly evil, there is nothing complex about it, Murphy is now definitely a good guy, as are Emori and Indra, and none of them are in conflict about how to deal with him (except for a short moment in 7x09, which was OOC for Indra). The only characters that we may still wonder 'what are they gonna do? which side will they take?" are minor, underdeveloped characters like Nikki, or Knight (you're in trouble when your main question is "will Knight change sides?"). It's a very simple black and white story, the kind t100 normally doesn't do and Shady’s throne of . But when Octavia has her face painted in blood, has skulls next to her, and a creepy smile while she’s deciding the fate of the winner, that is genuinely disturbing because it's Octavia. You’ve followed her for seasons, and you’ve spent the whole episode rooting for her to solve the problems and deal with those really awful and annoying people... and then she does, and oh my god, suddenly she turns into a villain, and that’s chilling. 

Other observations:

I love the Kabby scene where they're talking while chained up in the farm, while a guy is playing guitar in the background. I think Abby was pretty unfair to Kane when she said he took away her choice to kill herself - because she didn’t try to kill herself, she tried to make Kane kill her, and then she expected him to be able to do it, even though she never could: not only did she open the bunker door to save Kane, she destroyed the radiation chamber (possibly dooming thousands of people) because she couldn’t allow Clarke to risk her life (in 4x08). Kane may be more of a “Head” than “Heart” of the two of them, but Abby should have realized he wouldn’t be able to carry her unconscious body (or even let someone else do it) and let her die of radiation. He loves her and he doesn’t really have anyone else. Abby really seemed to be taking out her own self-loathing out on him. It was still a sweet moment when he finally dropped the pretense that he saved her for being a doctor and admitted it was a Heart decision, and she finally admitted she would do the same and never regretted opening the bunker door to save him. 

But we get a hint about that Abby has already developed a pill addiction, which will strain and almost destroy their relationship. Kabby was a really well written relationship - we saw them falling in love over 4 seasons (which rarely happens with romantic relationships on this show) - but then we also saw that being together and loving each other is not enough to be “happy ever after”, not when you live in f*cked up circumstances and when you both have to deal with all sorts of problems. Love can’t conquer everything, which is more realistic way to depict romance.

Mackson actually have some screentime in this episode. This is actually the first time we see that they are together (after a brief flirting scene in season 4). I had forgotten that Miller says the L word in this episode: "You're a healer, nor a fighter. That's why I love you.” I thought “This was pretty fast” - but when you take into account they’ve been together for a couple of months, it’s actually not that fast compared to most of the romances on the show... It’ just that most of their relationships happens off-screen.

So Level C (which Cooper and her people took over) was where Cadogan planned to be with his family if the rest of the bunker goes to hell. Makes sense he’d do something like that.

Indra was already not a fan of the Commanders at this point, telling Gaia: "Your real Commanders would have left you to burn", "the spirits of the Commanders have abandoned us"

We got two Wells mentions in this episode! One when Jaha was reading a children’s book (apparently The Giving Tree - thanks @jeanie205​) to Ethan, and says it was his son's favorite bedtime story, and another one when Jaha is dying and says “Take me to my wife. Take me to Wells”.

ALIE would be proud of these people: they all keep repeating “There are too many people in this bunker” throughout the episode. Thanos would be proud of them, too. Why not instead say: “There aren’t enough resources in this bunker”? No worries then, they will manage to get 1/3 of those people killed - 814 will remain instead of 1200 by the time they get out of the bunker... What few characters in the show ever seem to realize are too few people for the human race to survive. That is, if they weren't lucky to always be running into more humans, and then everyone blows it away by killing each other, again.

A few lines in this episode feel like dark foreshadowing:

Abby makes the first mention of cannibalism, a dark period in Ark’s history called the “Blight"

"It won't be that easy", says Octavia to Cooper when Cooper wanted to kill herself. One could say the same when Octavia tried to sacrifice herself and die in 5x12

"I'll take care of the boy” - Octavia promises to Jaha to take care of little Ethan, just as Jaha promised to Ethan’s father. That didn't turn out so well in the end...

Rating: 9/10

[academiadaisies]

my struggles with studying

I don’t expect a lot of people to read this, and I’ll probably end up embarrassed to have typed this all up and posted it by tomorrow, but I think it’s important for me to get this out and away from myself.

I appreciate anyone who reads this, and welcome completely anyone who is/has been in a similar situation to me and wants to talk about it or has some tips. I don’t have a lot of people to talk to about it, I definitely feel like anyone I’m close to will not be a lot of help, and I don’t want to be a mental burden, with them knowing my problem, wanting to help, but not knowing what to do, and blah blah blah... Just know, anyone is completely welcome to reach out to me. I know a lot of people say that online, but I’m just a little cancer moon, cancer rising ;). I’ve got ears and struggles too. Sometimes things are difficult. :)) <3

School has always been my demise. I was basically a corpse just going class to class, making little contribution and writing down what the powerpoint said. I would zone out - not realising at all, come back to myself and suddenly the whole class was doing work, and I would have to swallow my pride, interrupt the person next to me and ask what we were supposed to do.

But my nights were wasted too. I guess I was never really taught to study, and everything I had tried for myself never seemed to work. But I didn’t try often. I remember coming home and turning on my computer to watch the next episodes of my show of the week, my mind in a dull and empty buzz, and next thing I knew it was midnight.

Growing up there was no schedule or routine. No one was really checking I had done my homework, no one checking I was showered or that I had brushed hair. There were no rules either. No specific screen time, no food rules, no bedtime. I know why, my mum was a very hard worker, having a daughter, a job, and university, and I am so grateful for her. She was busy. But it just meant I never knew much discipline. There was no structure, but I wasn’t forgotten. There was no food in the house, but there was money, and I - having no sense of diet - would spend more than was good for me on junk; a six pack of crisps a day, frozen pizza... and today that has never ended, it’s something of an addiction now. The lack of restraint and discipline is apparent everywhere in my life.

In school is where it is at it’s absolute worst. It’s not even an issue of my intelligence. The absolute last thing I want to come across as is conceited, but I did better than I deserved my first two years of high school exams having never studied for them, except maybe a bit of rereading and desperate attempts to memorise the night before. I passed everything, bar one, and sometimes with A’s.

But last year was inarguably my worst year ever, and it has bled into this year too. My attendance was below 50%, I came in maybe two or three days a week, sometimes only finally getting the motivation to show up in the afternoon, and even then I would hide away in pupil support classes, still not doing any work. My mum phoning me and screaming down the line as soon as she got the absent text. Me not knowing how to explain that I just couldn’t physically force myself to get up and ready. I started with 5 subjects and finished with 2, both of which I initially failed, but those grades were redacted because people argued the SQA were not grading fairly, basing grades on location instead of merit, and so I scraped by with two C’s. I absolutely would not have passed if not for the pandemic.

This year is hard to tell where I would be in a normal situation. I like to believe it was going to be so much better. The idea of leaving high school and entering college*. It was a fresh start. I was supposed to get my work done the day it was handed out, I was supposed to be more extroverted, and become a leader like I always wanted. But, of course, it’s all online. I think a major benefit of it is I don’t have much excuse not to be in class anymore. I can (and usually do) wake up minutes before the class starts, and do it all from bed, so if I was left to my own devices to get myself there and back, I’d bet my attendance has skyrocketed from what I it would have been. Though, my college is quite far, and I think my mum seeing to that I was on a bus, or even not in the house when she has to leave, would have been enough to ensure I was there too. If it was in person I would have no where to hide too. I wouldn’t get to have my camera off and play games during classes and not take notes, the lecturers would see. I’d have to take notes and I don’t usually do that. I wish I had. But then that just begs the question of would it be a repeat of high school? Would I be a corpse that goes through college classes blankly instead of high school ones? I really don’t know what to think. But today my college work is suffering. I have seven vital pieces of work long overdue, and I think the weight of all of them on my brain stops me from doing even one.

*If you’re not familiar with the system here, college is basically a stage after high school but below university in Scotland, that not everybody goes to. I’m not sure the school systems everywhere in the world but it’s not the equivalent of sixth form college in England, or what’s called college in the US, which would be university here. I’m sorry if this sounds dumb because there’s probably this everywhere in the world but I just want to clarify what stage I’m at exactly. I’m taking a HNC which is kind of the equivalent of first year university.

And so it leads me to believe I have ADD/ADHD. I really am not about to self diagnose. Although it might be enough for some, I often worry I’m a bit of a paranoid person, and that I like to jump to the most “extreme” conclusions, but I don’t think my livelihood makes it totally unlikely.

I find myself devoting my time and what motivation I have to things that just don’t matter. I’ve memorised maps of the US, Europe, Scotland and Ireland. I took up interests in religion and astrology, buying crystals as if they were coming to save me like all the TikToks say. I’ve taught myself bits of piano, British Sign Language, chess, Teeline shorthand and Morse code, just to give up. I even made it to 100 days on Duolingo learning Scottish Gaelic before I stopped that too. Engrossed in wide varieties of things that I’d love to be great at, abandoning it because I’ve decided I’m bored.

But the worst waste of my time is always spent on my phone. I am a huge advocate for downtime, not every single second has to be productive. But it’s never good to have a 12 hour daily screen time average.

I can never concentrate either. I can’t force myself to. As I write this I have an essay due I’ve had for a month, and I’m going to have to do it all tomorrow. I don’t understand why I can’t physically force myself to get it done. I always think, “why am I on TikTok when I have an essay due?” And I never really have a reason. Even my driving instructor told me to get tested because, especially nearing the end of the lessons, my attention starts to waver, and I find her having to change gears for me sometimes, and warning me to stop looking at whatever might pass by.

I have a little list of priorities in my mind too. I keep reminding myself that I have this essay and this assignment to do, but I also have ideas of starting a blog or reading a book. The school work is first in the list of priorities, I know it needs to be done first and so I take it to the extreme and can’t seem to do anything meaningful at all until it’s gone. Of course, it never is gone, I never do it, and I find myself scrolling social medias all day, a perfectly anodyne time waster. No substance and no thoughts.

But I’m a perfectionist too, with very little confidence. I can tell part of me puts it off because it needs to be as good as it possibly can be, and another part tells me I’ll start it later, I’ll feel better about it later. I have big ideas, that if only I could force myself to do, would be great, but the idea of it not being good enough only puts me off. I’d not do the work until it’s at the point where the excuse is “it’s only bad because I didn’t give myself enough time to do it,” because of the fear of the possibility “it’s bad because I’m bad at it.”

Part of my inability to really do anything I think also had to do with depression. ADD/ADHD makes my life chaos. My room is a mess, there is no organisation or structure in my day, there is no motivation to fix it, no understanding of how to fix it. I’m a very intuitive person, because I have to be. Any decision I make is unknown to me until it’s happening really. I can’t plan when I’m starting work, sometimes I just have to hope I get the motivation to open my laptop. I think depression feeds off the ADD/ADHD symptoms. My room is messy because I can’t be organised, then my mindset worsens because I have such a terrible, unlivable space with no motivation to do anything about it, and it just stays that way. I can’t concentrate long enough to do work, then my mindset worsens because it means I have work overdue, that will have bad consequences, people disappointed in me, and etc, etc. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m articulating myself well here. I’m intuitive in decisions but I’m also an overthinker. Or maybe just more of a worrier. I don’t do the work and so, every time my phone pings I jump and check cautiously because I fear it’s my lecturer messaging me that I’m off the course. The depression really took a terrible toll on my life. I won’t get too into it but I can hardly talk to friends, find the motivation to shower, or even go outside. All I find myself doing is lying in bed staring at a screen. I don’t know what else I can really do about it.

And the worst part is, in my mind, I have myself convinced that it’s not even that bad. That it’ll be okay tomorrow, I’ll change tomorrow, as if I’m not long past the point of this just being a little off day.

But one thing I do I know is a symptom of ADD/ADHD, which consumes my whole mind, is my hyperfixation. I won’t go too deep but basically for just over a year it’s been an honestly unsubstantial book I read. Loved by many, but nothing special, in comparison. I’ve only read it maybe twice all the way through but it never leaves my mind. I relish in any and all fan works, stalking the ao3 works, refreshing the tumblr tag. I can just stand and jump and pace, while listening to one song on repeat, thinking about the characters in all kinds of scenarios for hours on end. I can imagine the main character as me in everything I do; as I pick up a book from my bookshelf, as I walk my dog, as I lay down at night. I constantly compare myself to him too, feeling bad that I’m not as similar or good. I hate it. I don’t know if I even like the book anymore, I don’t think it’s possible to tell, I’m just obsessed with it.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it really. The NHS don’t diagnose ADHD in adults, and I’m only 18. I’ve been this way my whole life but no one ever paid much attention to it. When I told my mum I think I have depression, she laughed at me, then got really angry, saying I’m not depressed just lazy, before buying me flowers and telling me she was worried I was going to hurt myself. Now I feel like I can’t speak about anything serious like this rationally because she looks for every reason that there is no problem, and if there is it’s the worst possible case, and “oh I’ve been a terrible mum.”

I don’t understand my problem. I have big dreams and goals for my life, I know what I am doing now will never get me anywhere but still that knowledge is not enough to get me to do what I need to. I’ve even written this post over eight days, for all the distractions and lack of motivation I’ve had to finish it. It’s a never ending cycle, but I really hope having this out there now will spark something in me. I’m sure this will make someone feel better about their situation now too, and that’s totally okay! If it can help someone, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m sorry I probably brought up a lot of completely irrelevant stuff, and went into tangents at times, but I just wanted to stress how it all plays into each other. They’re all connected, which brings a lack of motivation and discipline to my life and my work. I just want to let it all go.

Again, I really don’t think many people will read this but anyone is completely welcome to message. If anyone has some tips for people who can just never concentrate, or also anyone who is in social sciencey type courses (psychology, sociology, politics esp) and has some tips for doing that too I’d be so grateful. :) <3 (also this is a repost because I tried posting last night but it wouldn’t go to the tag, hope it works this time)

[saundraswriting]

S.C. Books Chapter 2

Summary: Eren and Levi spend more time together. Levi begins to see what Hange meant the other day about the shitty hand Eren had been dealt. Eren gets overwhelmed and heads to his comfort place.

Warnings: A graphic depiction of a nightmare and panic attacks

Notes: Hey guys! I hope you still are enjoying this fic. I am trying my best, and I hope that is enough. I have a very rough outline that I am not staying with so this is kinda rough and on the fly! This story references my high school career which ended in 2013 and my college career which ended in 2014.

Read on Ao3

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Eren took detailed notes as the professor lectured on large muscle groups. The class only had 5 hours a week for roughly 12 weeks to go over all the semester's information. The human anatomy and physiology 1 class was often broken into a lecture and lab portion, roughly two hours long. The discussion today was muscle groups and tendons and ligaments. The class moved quickly, causing Eren to over do his notes and readings to prevent confusion. It helped a bit that he had some art background, he knew groupings, and that he dad (was)is a doctor. Eren knew that even though he was taking good notes and paying attention he wasn't retaining a sliver of information. It was too much too fast but that is why for this class he blocked off extras study hours.

"Okay. That is enough for now. Let's take a quick 15. We still have a lab I want to get through. and it can be a doozy." Professor Nanaba clapped to get everyone's attention and the relief was palpable. Eren and a few others decided a short walk wouldn't be amiss. The science hall was quiet this late at night. There were a couple offices with lights on but not much else. Eren was walking on the second floor while reading and noting his two short stories for the next essay for his English class. The 15 minutes of literature and scrawled first impressions helped shake his mind of the fog that had been creeping in since the beginning of his A&P class.

The lab portion was helpful in reaffirming his knowledge of the muscular and skeletal systems of a human. His art background helped a bit too, he was able to make detailed drawings in his notes. When the lab was finished a short test was given, Eren loved and hated only have one class a week for this subject. It was the advanced class for a reason, meaning the pretty much did a speed-run of a week's worth of learning in a handful of short hours. The pace forced him to pay attention but anxiety sometimes caused him to fixate on the subject leading him to crunch other classes.

Once released Eren headed to the home he shared with Armin and Mikasa. The three of them had pitched together money from each of their inheritances from passed relatives-Armin from a wealthy grandfather and Mikasa and Eren from their parents-to buy a small cheap house not to far from the university. It wasn't anything special, came mostly furnished and they were able to thrift for the rest. It was home and that was enough. All three of them had more than enough to live on, especially with school being completely covered by scholarships, but they had decided in their junior year that life would be better together and better in the future. So they made do now to prepare for a better tomorrow. Eren walked the familiar route home, trying to remember if he had anything to do before getting to bed. He had gotten a lot done at the shop that day, Levi's small unprecedented visit helping a lot with his productivity.

Eren got home and quietly came through the door, trying to minimize any noise he made. 'Why did he pick today of all days to sit with me? What made today special?'Eren thought. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to relax the scrunch he knew he was making. 'Maybe he wanted to be nice? Maybe it was a trick? No, he seemed to genuine to be messing with me. He doesn't often work the counter, maybe he was just checking on me?'Eren thought. A tidbit of the conversation he had with Hange crept into his thoughts. '"I will say, I haven't seen him sit down and enjoy a conversation like today in a very long time. So treasure the fact that you are important to Levi Ackerman, for that is no small feat."' Eren blinked at his reflection in the mirror, shaking his head. There was no way, Levi Ackerman was interested in him. Levi was so smart and witty and intriguing. Eren was a bratty child who lost both his parents in a fit of mental anguish and is only getting by. Eren finished getting ready for bed, feeling uneasy about the direction of his thoughts. He knew he needed to sleep, he hadn't slept well the last few days. He couldn't do it again. Tomorrow was at least a shorter day. He had class solid from 11 to 4 then he was done. Maybe he could sleep in a bit and try to forget that Levi even look twice at him.

Eren didn't remember his dreams, on the days he dreamed that is. Other days he would wake with a burning throat and the sensation of viscous liquid creeping over him, the brownish red color of dried blood all he could see, screams ringing in his ears. Those days he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, the fear and anxiety and guilt forcing him to stay awake and try to not break down. He would sit counting his fingers and breaths for what seemed hours, hands gripping his hair, trying to resist pulling, sometimes he spent the early dawn hours in his and Armin's shared bathroom the shower too hot or too cold or hugging the toilet in-between vomiting episodes. He would sit silently, pushing it deeper and deeper down, until the acid in his stomach could dissolve it into nothingness. The was no trigger that he could find that set of the nightmares, he refused to tell anyone about them or the following panic attacks. He just waved off the rough nights as insomnia and stress from school. Eren knew he wasn't fooling many of his friends, if any, but he knew it was more trouble explaining it then it was worth. Today he was Lucky, he woke up in his bed to his alarm, violently. He was covered in sweat and was shaking, tears on his cheeks and throat sore. It wasn't a good night but Eren had worse ones.

The house empty, typical for a Thursday. Eren went down the stairs to see a message on the board about taking out the garbage, his class last night and breakfast being in the microwave. Eren puttered around the house, doing chores and eating his breakfast and getting ready for class. When it was time to leave Eren made sure he had all of his stuff and headed off to his classes.

He spent the hours he had in class diligently taking notes and meticulously planning his due dates. He didn't have the luxury of slacking for a second, if he missed one thing, he would be scrambling to catch up. He was in his last class of the day, his mind drifting to thoughts of S.C. Books and the hot owner. He was trying to just get through until he could get off campus, the panic attack he had in the morning was lingering in his trembling fingers and jumpiness. He just had to get through his last class. Eren's reputation in his friend group was the hot head that liked to pile on the pressure. He was smart and hard working but didn't know when to quit. He had a tendency to snap on a hair trigger and not much brought him back down. Most of his friends from high school went to Trost on scholarships, a few making the 50% cut instead of the 100%.

Class had just let out, he was the first to the door, blowing off everyone's calls to slow down or watch it, he didn't even snark back at Jean's remark for running into him. He was on a mission, it looked like a million ghosts were on his tail. Jean was known for priming Eren's trigger out of a sick sense of friendship, he seemed to be able to tell when Eren needed to blow off some steam, but he had never seen him look like that. 'Something is up with the dumbass, and I want to know.' Jean sent a text to his boyfriend Marco and made to follow Eren. He only got as far as the quad before he lost him in the crowd so he made his way to his next class.

Eren had blanked as soon as class was dismissed. He needed a quiet place. He couldn't go home Armin and Mikasa would only hover and make him feel worse. Campus was too noisy, he didn't want to risk anyone finding him. There was only one place to go, He could practically smell the tea and coffee and see Levi standing in front of him, small and compact and worried.

"Hey, brat. You okay? You look terrible." Levi's voice cut through the beginnings of him panic. Eren blinked. He was at S.C. Books, he had ran all the way there.

"Levi? How-When. I. What?" Eren could only gasp and stutter. He could feel his focus and awareness fading and brightening as he stood there. He looked around and saw people staring at him, causing him to shake more.

"You two good? I'll handle the brat." Levi didn't look away from Eren who was obviously not fully there. He came around the corner, slow and careful, it set Eren's teeth on edge.

"I am not made of glass. I am fine. Just give me a minute." He snapped. He took a couple deep breaths but could still felt like he was forgetting something.

"Okay. You're fine. That is why you came racing in here like the hounds of Baskerville were on your tail and also why you look like you are a million miles away, cause you're fine." Levi said. He took a few more steps closer. "I don't know what is wrong, but I want to help. You come in here looking like this or like the weight of the world is on your shoulders too much. I want to help you. What do you need?" Levi asked him quietly. The shop was slowly losing interest in their going-ons. Eren relaxed more they stopped paying attention.

"I'm fine. I had a bad dream this morning and it lingered. I got through class and just needed to come here. Sorry for making you worry." Eren rubbed the back of his head embarrassed.

Levi looked at Eren, lightly shaking, eyes glassy and unable to focus, breathing a little too fast, complexion just a shade too pale. 'This kid. He needs someone to take care of him.' Levi sighed, eyeing the way he slouched and curled in on himself trying to be smaller. ' I want to be the one to do it.' He blinked and shook that idea out of his head. "You table is open. If you want to sit down. I can join you if you like. If not, we can sit in my office for a bit. You look like you could use the space." Levi felt his eyebrows furrow. 'The fuck? I never let anyone in my office. What am I thinking' Levi looked at Eren for an answer.

"I would like to say your office, but your face is begging me to refuse that option. I very much appreciate the offer though. I do. I think I'll sit down for a bit and study. Maybe that will help soothe my nerves." Eren shuffled his bag a bit, seeming to hesitate. "Think you could join me? I could use the quiet company." Eren looked shy, like he expected to get rejected.

"Yeah. We can do that. Give me a minute. I'll get us some tea. and a few pastries, you could use with a little more weight on your bones." Levi nodded his head to Eren's usual table. Eren nodded a few times too many, still not completely aware. He flashed a shaky smile at the employees working, Petra and Molbit. Eren sunk down ungracefully into his chair, trying to ignore the gazes of the other patrons, he could feel them on his skin causing his breath to hitch. He began running his hand over the scar on his arm, up and down trying to use the motion to soothe himself.

"Eren, you with me, brat?" Levi asked from several steps away. He knew the kid was not having a good day and did not want to be what made it worse.

Eren looked up, eyes wide and shining, he looked a mix of grateful and pleased that Levi came back. He didn't even look at the two plates and mugs Levi was carrying until he placed them on the table and Levi wasn't sure what to make of that expression that was for him and only him. "Levi, thank you. I am sorry I caused such trouble. I have been coming here for a while, it was the only placed I could think of. I have been dealing with this just fine until now, so I don't know why all of a sudden, it was too much." Eren said, Levi could hear the confusion and frustration in his voice.

"Eren, I am honored that you think of my shop as a safe space. That means a lot. Now, why don't you eat and drink your tea. You need to take a breather and then we can crack open your books or we can talk for a while. How does that sound?" Levi nudged the plates and the tea he had the other day closer. Levi pulled out an iPad and continued working on some orders that he needed to finalize before the end of day. Levi looked over the top of his iPad to see Eren fire off one quick text and then turn his phone off.

Eren cradled the mug like it was the only source of warmth he ever had, it did help ease the trembling in his hands. Eren did as asked, sat silent and still, letting the tension drip off of him like water. After he cleaned his hands-with a small smirk to Levi who pretended to be distracted-Eren broke a few pastries in half, nibbling on some here or there. 'Can't this kid just accept the handouts, like why does he have to share?' Levi wondered.

A few more minutes and Eren looked less like he was going to pass out or be sick, so Levi decided it was time to move on. "Brat, you done?"" After Eren nodded he took away the dishes, paying no attention to his employees. "Do you want to talk or work?" Levi asked. He was fine with either one but couldn't deny he wanted to hear what spooked Eren.

"I have a tendency to panic or freak out when I am struggling, I can even be completely apathetic. Sometimes, I can't sleep. Some days it takes everything I have in me to breathe and some days I am fine. I have gotten better with learning coping skills and keeping busy is a big help but so has finding a place that hasn't been touched by the things that make my bad days even worse. Some times, school or home or my friends or my sister is enough to make a day turn sour. That isn't helped by my nightmares that lead into panic attacks at any given time of the night. Last night was more of the same, and when I got to school it was a little more then I could bear and soon I found myself sprinting to the only place I knew could make me feel better." Eren said. He spoke matter-of-factly, not wanting to Levi to think he was whining over his situation. Eren had come to accept that his life was better than some but not as good as others, but he was surviving. Levi's lack of response made it easier to talk.

"I think one of my friends tried to follow me here, they all worry over my mood swings and weight fluctuations. I don't have it in me to explain everything. I can barely gather the nerve to tell you this much. You've been so good to me for so long, letting me stay late or come in early. You treat me so kindly and don't badger me even though I know you and the others here are concerned. I really can't thank you enough. I don't know if I would be here without you Levi. So many days I have come in here, ready to end it all and then you call me a brat or make your not-jokes with the others and I am reminded all over again that I have everything to lose if I give up now." Eren reached over pinching Levi's sleeve between two fingers. He waited until Levi looked up, eyes shining wetly. "Levi, thank you so much. You are very important to me."

Levi let out the breath he had been holding the entire time Eren was speaking, his whole body softening. Levi hadn't softened for anyone in years, people pissed him off with their selfishness, and germs, and rudeness, and lack of gratitude. But here was this brat of a kid, trying to thank Levi for things he did all the time unconsciously. He could feel the warmth of Eren's gaze and appreciation fill him like the sun. "You're pretty important to me too, brat. Not many people just go along with my shitty humor or terrible honesty or overwhelming idiosyncrasies. I could thank you too. You don't remind me what to live for per se but that it is okay to live." Levi said. Eren blinked at him in surprise, mouth gaping. "Anyway, let's move on. You had class today, and you were pretty checked out earlier, why not get to work. Pick something light and go from there. I'll stick around for a bit. The quiet will do you some good." Levi suggested.

"Yeah. You're right. Today was practically useless, I can't afford to get behind." Eren pulled out his planner, muttering under his breath as he looked through it. Levi settled down in his seat, to wait out the kid who had been dealt a shitty hand. And if sometimes while he was working Levi took exaggerated breaths to help Eren pace his or Eren lightly pressed his fingers to Levi's wrist to measure his pulse, no one was around to comment on it.

[the-angry-pixie]

Just a buttload of questions

I was tagged by the lovely @jessiohhh. Thank you chickadee. Took me forever to finish, but I got there. :D 

Apparently this is to help you get to know your tumblr peeps better. 

Gonna put most of these under a cut to save y’alls dashes.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I guess if I had to choose it would be black. I don’t know why. A good black ballpoint is a lovely thing to have.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? Depends what stage of my life I am in. I want to retire to the country but otherwise wanna live in the city.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? To sew and make clothes. Gosh how different my life (and my wardrobe) would be if I could fix clothes, alter clothes, MAKE clothes. I want this skill so much!

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Don’t drink coffee. My tea has half a sugar. I worked my way all the way down from two sugars and I’m proud. :)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? My Dad used to read me Enid Blyton books when I was little. My favourite series was probably The Naughtiest Girl in the School series.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Definitely showers. I want to like baths, but whenever I take one I just feel sweaty and gross.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? A fairy. I’ve been obsessed with fairies since I was little.

8. Paper or electronic books? Probably electronic books. Easier to read and travel. 

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Gosh I don’t know. I literally sat here thinking about it for a couple of minutes and I can’t pick a favourite. I guess by default it falls to the item that I wear the MOST which would be my black combat boots. I wear them almost constantly.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? Nah I tend to think Laura is a bit boring. I like my middle name Eileen though.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’m kind of without one at the moment. Thats just the situation my current life is in right now. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I would like to be “Author Famous”. Like have soooooo much money, and dedicated fans who like my work. But nobody recognises me in the street. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Yes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, not in the conventional sense.

15. Which element best represents you? I wish I was earth but I would say probably water. Can be dangerous or calm. Flexible. 

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Hmmm I feel bad that I’m not closer to my godson. But ya see, he’s an annoying lil shit. At least the stage he’s going through right now is really obnoxious. So spending time with him is just... not fun.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my Canada friends.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I’ve talked about early childhood memories on here a lot. I don’t want to repeat a story so lemme think a moment..... I remember being obsessed with pressing buttons when I was younger. I mean, most kids are. But you see my family lived on a dairy farm, and in the dairy where we milked the cows and stored the milk there was like... a WALL OF BUTTONS. And levers, and switches and other doo-dads. And like... I just wanted to press them all. But I wasn’t allowed. Obviously. Only at certain times during the day would my father call me over and lift me up so I could press one particular button. So yeah, I remember that. “Helping” my Dad in the dairy and being excited whenever I got to press the buttons. I never even got old enough to learn what the buttons did before we moved off our farm. :(

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Hmmm, probably escargot. Snails. They were delicious.

20. What are you most thankful for? My newborn nephew.

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes. But spicy food does not like me.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Yeah last year I was working on a feature film that had a Disney starlet working on it.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? No way. Too hard. The only time I keep journals is for really important stuff that needs documentation. Like a medical journal when I’m sick. Or an anxiety journal when my GAD gets real bad.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen I guess.

25. What is your star sign? Libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Bit of both. If you can get a mouthful with both then thats like... bliss.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Do I need to want it to be anything? Cause I don’t. Like I don’t really care all that much. Maybe I will later in life.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I dont think its accurate to say I like reading when I literally never do it anymore. Except for fanfic. I listen to audiobooks a bit. I just finished listening to The Stand by Stephen King.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Cuddles, I’m a cuddler.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes.

31. What are you afraid of? Wasted potential and never really getting where I want to get.

32. What is your favourite scent? That smell after a sun shower. Everything is wet and the sun is making it evaporate into the atmosphere. Love that smell.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Not to be cheeky but like, context is a thing. Depends on the context.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Not terribly different. I would still work. I guess I would travel a lot more. Since that is something that I would love to do but can’t because I don’t have the funds.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Theyre both the same level of scary to me. Yes, I suffer from an irrational fear of pool sharks. So I guess I would go ocean because at least with the ocean you have the surf waves to make it fun.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Look around to see if someone had dropped it, then if there was no one, pocket it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes. Last time I went camping there was a meteor shower. Wait, do they count as shooting stars? If not then no.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? Compassion.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I want to get a bunch of babies-breath flowers tattooed in the middle of my back. Its so specific because I plan my tattoos for a long time before I get them.

40. What can you hear now? The fish tank filter at my brothers house.

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my bedroom. In my bed. Laptop and phone and kitty nearby.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of relationships and emotional intimacy.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I honestly don’t know. There are a lot of cool places (but like, usually only if youre in the upperclass). Ancient Greece maybe? Jane Austen era? Woodstock? I can’t decide.

44. What is your most used emoji? This lil dude. 🙃 I prefer it to the regular smiley face.

45. Describe yourself using one word. eclectic

46. What do you regret the most? Not having my mental health issues diagnosed at an earlier age.

47. Last movie you saw? In the cinemas? A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood back in January (actually got my wallet out and looked at my ticket stubs). Just in general - I watched The Florida Project last night with my bro.

48. Last tv show you watched? My Little Pony. Been watching episodes to help me fall asleep.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Derp-a-derp. My bro and I have been saying that over the last few days when we can’t remember the word we are trying to say. Like “go get me the derp-a-derp” or “what was I saying about the derp-a-derp”. Its a good placeholder.

-----

Annnnnd imma taaaaaaag.... like I said, this is a long one so no pressure (it took me like a week to get through all the questions).... anyway I tag @hichie, @thepragmaticrebel, @heavensdick and @serendipitous-magic.

[expolikestoart]

Fam-ILY au headcanons post!

listen I love them a lot and I want to talk about them even if no one else really cares

Character Designs

Sleepover/Movie Night for the boys

The Picani Family

the Picanis have a day once every week where they all watch a few episodes of Avatar together. tis law.

Emile is genderfluid!! So sometimes they're Patton and Dee's dad, sometimes they're thier mom, sometimes they're their ren. Patton and Dee tend to just call them their dad though, just cause it's easier to explain to the other kids. And it doesn't cause Emile any issues so they don't mind. They were a pronoun braclet a lot. (tbh they're really just happy their kids sees them as a role model.) (He/Him, She/Her, They/Them, depends on the day)

Patton likes to play with his stuffed animals a lot!

his favorite blanket is his weighted blanket

Dee is HoH so the entiree family knows ASL and he wears hearing aids.

Dee's very passionate about octonauts and his favorite episode was the coral reef snake one. (his favorite character is tweak)

Patton and Dee are bio siblings but they're both adopted by Emile. Emile had a partner during the adoption but they broke up a few years later and he(the partner) never offically had any custody.

at the start of the storyline (maybe writing a fic) they just moved and Emile and him broke up.

Emile keeps pictures of them in his wallet and Will talk about them whenever someone asks.

Emile is a children's therapist in this AU, and specifically works with kids who deal with learning disabilities.

The Kingsley Family

When Remy was like. 17 he got in a relationship with this one girl and they did the do. When the twins were born, she left. He hasn't heard from her since.

His family wasn't that supportive except his Great Aunt Becca who's a wonderful woman. She lived with her partner for years until she died a year or two before Remy moved in.

So they all live with her now.

Roman likes to sew little costumes for his stuffed animals. Remy helps.

Roman begged Remy to let him join dance classes. Remy doesn't currently have the money to take so he's saving up to let him.

Remus is in that weird kid phase? You know the one where they're weirdly obsessed with like. Death and witches and shit? He's in that phase.

He also makes "potions" and shit outta stuff in the kitchen. 50% of them are probably poisonous. Remy lets him drink absolutely none of them.

Remy's Bi and proud. He hasn't really dated anyone since he was 17 but. He's open to dating again. But only if his boys like them.

Remy works at a few different places. He's the manager at a coffee shop when the boys are at school and at night when they sleep he works at a gas station. Neither has great pay but he's doing his best.

Roman and Remus have very active imaginations. It has led to them waking up Remy or Becca due to monsters in the closet more than they like.

Disney! And! Pixar! Movie! Nights!

Remy and Aunt Becca have most definitely made scrapbooks of the boys together. (even though Remy might deny it to keep up his tough guy image)

The Cogsworth Family

Brian showed the boys some of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Logan fell in love with the show immediately. Virgil doesn't like it as much but he likes to see Logan excited so he watches it too.

Virgil freaking Loves Gravity Falls though. He likes to try and find monsters in the apartment complex and nearby park. He swears he heard a hide behind once. (Brian played the sound effect on his phone and placed a speaker in a tree to make him happy)

Logan only likes certain textures with clothes so Brian makes sure that when they go clothes shopping Logan feels them first.

Logan has a prosthetic foot (it doesn't show in the family portrait because his socks and shoes cover it up) ((he also has a barbie doll because her leg was a prosthetic))

Virgil likes to draw a lot, especially monsters and stuff that he sees on tv. It's really cute looking half of the time but sometimes it kinda worries Brian.

Brian is Trans! And Aro/Ace. The kids are his. He had them pre-transition. His family wasn't supportive of him transitioning so he doesn't really talk to them. Has been on T for 5 years. (He/Him)

Brian's a bit of a space nerd so he likes to watch documentaries on them and the kids will often curl up on him and watch too.

Brian's compiter has a metric fuckton of baby photos of the boys!

They go to the park because he tries to keep them as healthy as possible and hopefully his kids will make friends. Both are painfully shy.

He's a security guard/Janitor for Walmart's l a t e shifts.

The Sanders Family

Thomas isn't adopted y e t but god is Anton working on the paper work for that because bitch that's their son now and they love him.

Thomas still is the goofy guy we know, happy, enjoys Disney, likes to sing and stuff.

Since Thomas is old enough to join the school choir he did and he loves it.

Anton and Thomas met the others because Emile was Thomas's therapist and once Anton asked Emile the best thing he could do for their kid and Emile commented on how that they knew it was scary, cause they had the same thoughts when they adopted their kids.

Emile is no longer Thomas's therapist due to him no longer being impartial since that's his kids friend and that's kinda iffy so now their friend is.

Anton is nb and pan-romantic ace. (He/Him, They/Them)

Both of them are kinda chaotic at times and sometimes you can find the two of them trying desperately to bake but there's batter on the ceiling and flour in Anton's hair. (they can't bake but anton can cook so it's okay)

When Thomas gets adopted all the others will be invited to see the signing.

Thomas didn't get to watch most Disney movies while in Foster care so Anton is showing him everything.

He also didn't get to see the Barbie movies so guess what else he's watching because Anton insists.

Anton still has an appreciation for fine arts and has a painting hanging up in his Living room framed and right next to it in just as fancy a frame is a drawing Thomas made. (it's a family portrait that Thomas made with stick figures. When he gave it to Anton, Anton c r i e d.)

Thomas has two friends from before he writes to, Joan and Tayln. He writes them letters every few days. They write back and everytime he gets one he's like!!!!!

Anton's the most well off of anyone in the squad so he tends to give gifts to the others when they find something.

All of them

The Parent Group are all very supportive of their kids interests, and also have meetups while the boys have playdates where the drink they're preferred hot drink (Emile likes Tea, Remy and Anton like Coffee, and Brian likes Apple Cider) and bitch about the shitty PTA moms and work (not emile though he loves his job and has patient confidentiality so... no)

Roman and Logan both love Percy Jackson but in different ways. Logan read all the books. Roman read the comic book adaptions and listened to the Lightning Thief Musical.

Virgil and Patton like to hunt for monsters together in the apartment complex and park but everytime it happens they both get a little scared and run if something actually looks spooky.

When all the kids became friends they had Patton teach them ASL secretly for a couple of months to surprise Dee. They showed Dee and he c r i e d. Happy tears of course but he was so surprised that all of them learned that for him.

Virgil, Dee, Remus, and Roman all have the same Recess break on the little kids playground so they play pretend together a lot. Usually it's Roman and Virgil vs Remus and Dee, but sometimes they switch it up.

Patton, Thomas, and Logan are the Big Kids, but also are kinda the weird kids too so they don't have much friends outside of the group. But it's okay, because they got each other and they like to hang out.

Patton has punched some kids cause they made fun of either his friends or Dee or maybe his Dad. He will throw hands. Logan might hold him back. Thomas will hold him back but only after a punch or two.

Remy once joked about having one brain cell in front of the kids and all the kids who weren't his got very alarmed and started to make him realize he was smart but Roman and Remus went: yeah you do. He's never been so heavily burned before or since.

Roman and Remus don't do the weird twins finishing each other's sentences thing but Logan and Virgil do.

Patton still makes puns but not good ones because kid's humor is nonsensical so half of the time he'll go up to Logan and Thomas and try them on them and every time they're both like "???? what did you just say????????"

They will all go and do fashion shows where Roman and Remus will take the others and drape them in sheets and cutains and blankets and have everyone walk the fake runway while someone sits out and judges.

Remus, Dee, and Virgil try to do magic together. It doesn't always go well but they try.

Roman, Patton, and Logan will try to play demigod but Patton has no clue what he's doing.

Roman and Remus showed Thomas some Disney sing alongs he could play on his tablet. Anton thinks their son has a lovely singing voice but also. they doesn't like hearing him sing at 6 am when they're barely awake. Can someone hold a grudge against a kindergartner? Ask Anton.

[heyhilana]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @harryandthatgayvodka (thanks lovely)

1.) What color is your hairbrush?

It’s just a brown color because my brush is just super simple.

2.) Name a food you never eat

I hate to say this because people will seriously question me for why I won’t eat it but anything that has to do with pasta. I just don’t like it and yes, I have tried multiple versions of pasta and I really don’t like it. 

3.) Are you usually too warm or too cold?

I’m usually too warm. I love being cold because it takes nothing for me to get hot. But, it’s not completely bad because I am a human heater for some of my colder peeps which offers me free hugs, cuddles, and a chance to be cold for a little while because they can cool me off while I warm them up. 

4.) What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was watching One Punch Man. It’s actually not bad to watch and I’m on the second episode now :)

5.) What’s your favorite candy bar?

Usually Twix or Snickers. 

6.) Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

Yeah I’ve been to a couple of them and I want to go to more of them. 

7.) What’s the last thing you said out loud?

I said that I was hungry because I’m always hungry for some food lmao. 

8.) What’s your favorite ice cream?

I like anything that’s vanilla flavored and if I want to eat some ice cream that is really bad for me, I get the cookies and cream one or the reeces pieces one :)

9.) What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water because we have to all stay hydrated :)

10.) Do you like your wallet?

Uh, I don’t hate it but I do need to get a new one since it’s been through a lot.

11.) What’s the last thing you ate?

Yogurt and a protein shake. 

12.) Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I got two new shirts that are super cute :)

13.) What’s the last sporting event you watched?

It was a rerun of some baseball game. I believe it was the Mets vs. Marlins game.

14.) What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Regular or white cheddar? They both slap. 

15.) Who’s the last person you sent a text to?

My best friend :)

16.) Ever go camping?

Nope but if I was not so fearful of someone attacking me at night and the whole bugs all around me thing I would do it. I mean, think about all the stargazing that you can do during camping. 

17.) Do you take vitamins?

No because I haven’t found vitamins that don’t make me feel weird afterwards.

18.) Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope. I’m not religious really.

19.) Do you have a tan?

Not as of late since I have been avoiding the sun but I do tan easily.

20.) Do you prefer Chinese or pizza?

Gosh that’s hard so I would say a tie?

21.) Do you drink soda through a straw?

Nope I just drink it regular. 

22.) What color socks do you usually wear?

Black or grey.

23.) Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

It depends on where I’m at because well I don’t want to get in trouble or hurt somebody?

24.) What terrifies you?

I think not living the right way is what terrifies me. I want to do it all my way, even if it gets me hurt because I don’t want to die thinking that I lived on someone else’s terms. 

25.) Look to your left, what to you see?

I see my nightstand, my lamp, and my book that I picked out recently. 

26.) What chore do you hate the most?

Usually anything that has to do with laundry because it’s just annoying. 

27.) What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

Uh nobody really?

28.) What’s your favorite soda?

Sprite is my favorite. 

29.) Do you go in fast food or in the drive through?

Drive through because I’m usually in a rush. 

30.) What’s your favorite number?

18

31.) Who’s the last person you talked to?

My best friend because she’s awesome.

32.) Favorite cut of beef?

I don’t eat beef anymore but I would say whatever is just really bad for me. The worse it is, the more younger me would have wanted to eat it. 

33.) Last song you listened to?

Favorite Mistake by Giveon.

34.) Last book you read?

The last book that I finished was They Both Die at the End. The last book that I read/started is All the Light we Cannot See.

35.) Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I get maybe 8 letters in and then I crash.

36.) Favorite day of the week?

Saturday because it’s usually a day off :)

37.) How do you like your coffee?

Usually anything cold brew because I really don’t like hot drinks and nothing overly sweet because it will make me sick sometimes.

38.) Favorite pair of shoes?

Anything vans or converse related. 

39.) Time you normally wake up?

Anywhere between 10-11 am since I go to sleep hella late all the time. 

40.) Sunrise or sunsets?

Sunsets because the sky just looks heavenly. 

41.) How many blankets on your bed?

One and I barely use it. I use the sheet since I get hot way too fast in my sleep. 

42.) Describe your kitchen plates?

I have two sets. One is a green set that is super simple and the other is a fancier set that has a marble look to it. 

43.) Describe your kitchen at the moment?

It’s all cleaned up since I went on a cleaning blitz today. 

44.) Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

I don’t have one actually. I just don’t care to drink all the time.

45.) Do you play cards?

Yes but not all the time.

46.) What color is your car?

It’s black.

47.) Can you change a tire?

No, but I am planning on learning.

48.) Your favorite state, province, country, etc.?

I like California because it’s just so laid back compared to where I live. It’s just a whole other world out there.

49.) Favorite job you’ve had?

I don’t think I have one since I’m incredibly lazy lmao. 

50.) How did you get your biggest scar?

I have a scar on my leg from when I was a toddler. Strangely enough, I don’t know how I got it but I know that it’s fun to look at because it reminds me of my fun times as a kid.

Tagging: @agirllovespasta @halfwaythereroyal @archqtype @engineeredfiction

[cerinamroths]

I wanted to try this out for fun so here I go. 

rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag some people.

the untamed 

star wars rebels

game of thrones

schitt’s creek

the magicians

who is your favorite character in 2? Ahsoka Tano

who is your least favorite character in 1? Meng Yao, without a doubt. Maybe I could have empathized a bit, but by the time he explained his backstory and "Oh woe is me, I had to do it... no choice!", and all the actions that led to tragedy for Wei Wuxian, he can go fuck himself. 

what is your favorite episode of 4? "Meet the Parents" (5x11). The way they handled Patrick's coming out to his parents moved me. It represented the crux of the show for me. I had already spent a little over 4.5 seasons with the Schitt's Creek fam and how it is about positivity, yet I was still cynical and doubtful thinking his parents would turn away from the son. But this show is about love and understanding and acceptance no matter what. 

what is your favorite season of 5? Season 3. All of the characters band together on the quest. We get the Quentin/Eliot episode - A life in a day. I love the Fairy Queen parts - how she was an antagonist that we come to love & how each side eventually respected and helped the other. I love time travel or going to another timeline, so Timeline 23 was one of my favorite episodes. Even though Julia eventually used up all her powers, I loved loved loved goddess Julia. Also all hail King Margo.

who is your favorite couple in 3? Arya/Gendry

who is your favorite couple in 2? Kanan and Hera. It breaks my heart that he had to sacrifice himself. I also read their book "A New Dawn" and loved reading about how they met and how Kanan joined the rebellion.

what is your favorite episode of 1? THIS IS HARD. But if I had to choose, Episode 6 - you get the one brain cell trio drinking in the beginning & rushing to unsuspicious stances when lan zhan walks in. then wei ying got lan zhan drunk. when they fell into the cave. the way lan zhan ties his headband to wei ying to protect him, knowing well of what he was doing. you can see lan zhan beginning to grudgingly accept this friendship. AND BUNNIES. it was such a happy youthful time untainted by tragedy, bitterness, and evil. 

what is your favorite episode of 5? Hmm I have so many favorite moments but when thinking about episodes as a whole, probably "Oops... I did it again!". Margo & Eliot are my favorites so a time loop episode centering around them and their bond already wins 1 million points. It was nice to see them work together & repair that rift they had since being possessed by the monster.

what is your favorite season of 2? Season 4

how long have you watched 1? This past week - finished all 50 episodes in 5 days 

how did you become interested in 3? the fantasy. the action. the epic feeling on an lotr scale.

who is your favorite actor in 4? Annie Murphy

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? The Untamed. The relationship, the fighting, the magical/fantasy elements, the epic tale of past and present. 

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? game of thrones as it is 78 episodes

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? alexis rose - i actually do want to do event planning, have her sense of style, and wits (from getting out of all of those kidnapping/dangerous situations?!)

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? HAHAHAHA no. If the Rose family thought they had it bad in Schitt's creek - it will be hell for them in Game of Thrones. But it would be a fun crack!AU to see how they use their best & worst qualities to survive.

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? Nie Mingjue & Madam Yu? Idk what the age difference is but let's say if they were around the same age. Their strict and fierce temper would match together.

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? lololol both deteriorated at the end but if we took that out, game of thrones. reading fics or outlines of what GOT final season could have been or how it could have ended saddens me.

which has better theme music, 2 or 4? SWR

[bonbonmacaron]

50 Hours Club Update

So I did 50 hours of language study from May 1st to August 5th! (Sorry for the late update, it's been hectic).

Japanese 22h total | Best month: May

I mainly focused on Japanese for this challenge. I finished Genki 1 in April and wanted to solidify some of the grammar I learned, so I did the first 5 lessons in Japanese for Busy People 2 in May. It was exactly what I needed and really helped me to start putting things in my own words. In June, I checked out Learn Japanese Pod and took notes on the episode about adverbs. I like the format and you can even download show notes from their website. I still like Japanespod101 for reading practice, but Learn Japanese Pod is good for grammar with tons of example sentences. I also love Japanese Ammo with Misa videos. I took notes on some of her videos using Siri because I type so slowly, plus it helps my pronunciation. In July, I mostly read Yotsubato and finished it a little bit after I finished the challenge! It was the first manga I read in Japanese (and ever) and I'm so proud of myself!

Chinese 9.5h total | Best month: July

In May and June, I followed my usual routine - watch a video for 10 minutes, read on LingQ for 20 minutes and write for 10 minutes. It's not much, but I was just trying to keep up my Chinese. I really liked reading the Chat Radio Transcripts, which are perfect for my level. I studied more intensively in July - I read a 20-page short story in an advanced reader and learned lots of vocab. I also listened to 听故事学中文 and it's my favorite! They read a short story and then discuss it, explaining new vocab in Chinese. I miss my Chinese lit classes and this is the closest I can get to that. I think I'm going to do two-week intensive reading and listening like this every couple of months, since I don't have time to passively maintain my Chinese right now.

French 9h total | Best month: July

French was pretty chill - I just read articles on Slate.fr and learned vocab on Quizlet. I also participated in dictées organized on Discord where someone read texts of different levels and we would write them down and see if they're correct. I don't think I made too many mistakes, but I also always forget to properly correct what I wrote afterwards.

Spanish 9.5h total | Best month: May

I reviewed all the grammar for Spanish on ielanguages.com It was a bit tedious, since I already know all of it, but I managed to see where I had some gaps and do more practice. I also did some shadowing practice with the Duolingo Spanish podcast. I wanted to make sure my pronunciation was good before starting to tutor. The last two hours logged for this was prep for my first Spanish lesson! I've been tutoring AP Spanish for about a month now and it's going really well. We're working through a prep book, so we're mostly just reading the passages out loud and going over vocab. I think I gained so much more confidence in my speaking through tutoring almost every day. I got more speaking practice in a month than in 4 years of my Spanish major!

[spell406]

So, a friend of mine basically forced me to watch at least one episode of Netflix Castlevania.

(Disc - I am new to tumblr and had a little problems with posting this thing correctly. Sorry for spam)

So I watched one. And then another. And another… When I finished it was 3 a.m., my eyes were burned out, my brain fried, and my soul forever forfeited, but whatever, who need it anyway.

I am new to the universe, and I know that I am something like 10 months late to the review party, so instead I decided to just share a bunch of thoughts of mine. [UPDATE – Because I am extremely heavy procrastinator and it took me almost two weeks to write this thing I am already at 50% of SoTN right now I’ve finished SoTN by now]

First of all – Castlevania looks like anime, but shares almost nothing common with it. It was a relief, to be honest, as I was a little afraid of show being just another shounen with specific set of clichés and similarities that might quite not bad (or even enjoyable), but I’ve seen them too many times before – better or worse executed – to watch without a mild nausea another Bleach/Naruto in a darker scenario.

I would never demand a fantasy world to be realistic. Like, who would do, fantasy world is supposed to be… fantasy, right? I am fine with lack of realism but I can’t say the same about lack of common sense, and there is a matter of logic that I personally find quite funny. When you are about to fight in close quarters with someone, with both of you lives on stake you’ll want to use every possible advantage. In general there are two kinds of battle armors – first one is focused on providing maximum protection (like typical medieval plate armor) and second one designed to grant freedom of movement especially critical in usually legwork-heavy duels. And here are our “battle” priests in gowns. Gowns, that manage to provide neither aforementioned advantage and downsides of both. Heh. It just bothers me too much, honestly.

I really love the flow of narration; the way that every character including antagonists has its own set of motives and reasons, even Carmilla has her own background that is convicting to justify her bitchery (Well, she has seen it before, right? And Dracula wasn’t even trying to hide his apathy, so why would she like to watch as dead man wages his hollow war)(Is it only me or Dracula shows typical signs of severe depression? Apathy, lack of strength to take any decision, not taking care of himself, loss of interest – even in his own war – well, to be honest he has a good reason to do so).

Animations. Ah, that one is unquestionably excellent, although you Powerhouse Animation guys could have make use of an additional 4-5 fps – from time to time I had a feeling that there is a cat sitting on my keyboard’s space bar, pausing and starting show over and over - it happened something like two or three times. If it comes to favorite scenes – for me, it would be first meeting and fight between Trevor and Alucard. The dialogue and music is so good at reflecting rising pressure and tension between those two – let put oneself in Trevor’s boots – just day before he was rather concerned about getting some food/drink and move on and now he is standing against something that he now considers to be last boss of his life, or perhaps not, he doesn’t even know how does Dracula looks like and he doesn’t seem to be openly aggressive, or perhaps yes, he is obviously vampire and he seems to doesn’t like Belmont name, on the other hand even lesser vampire might be not so easy foe and he is kinda out of practice, and Sypha doesn’t feel like helping out, at least for now… It is all just perfect, and the sound track alone is stuff of legends. (Season 2 OST on Spotify WHEN??”)

Second best would be first phase of Dracula fight – the way which they are team working fluently to not let eachother get killed pleases my inner maniac in best possible way, although the 1 vs 1 part is kinda downgrade - but still ok.

But there is one thing that really stands out in best possible way from things I’ve seen before and that’s utilization of facial expression and body language. Like seriously, this combined with really outstanding voice acting bring interactions between characters to another damned level. (Unfortunately, national translation and voice acting is so awful that I couldn’t bear myself to finish even first season). There are few thing I consider more important in creating credible character than combining overall expressiveness and voice acting, the ability to tell words without actually using any (Finding Ciri cinematic in Witcher 3 is perhaps best known to me example) - and Castlevania does it just soooo good.

Dracula generals. When they were shown for the first time I was like “oh boy he has summoned generals, (Generals! Master tactician, the artists of war!) the oldest, most cunning and powerful beasts from entire world, now things are going to get rough.” And how did it turned out? I can understand that Dracula tasked his forge masters with overseeing the war (Although his reasoning was kind of ok, good job Dracula for nominating for executives two people, that knew least about proceeding war) Did they were incompetent so much? Then how did they managed to get their titles, if they were just a bunch of endlessly whining mischief-makers? They were supposed to know how war looks like, and how to do one, but instead they did literally nothing for war effort! If you ask me, that is at least one risen eyebrow. Excluding Godbrand, the only member of council that did anything more than grate his teeth in silent anger, killed some civilians and got taken care of quite effortlessly. Also, Godbrand wasn’t made to be the sharpest knife in a closet, but he still was bright enough to ask himself “What will we do when we’ll win a war?” Also, he managed to notice that there were no real plan to follow... That is +1 to you Godbrand, I’ll miss you my vikingy boi. In the end, if they were meant to be just a background, they did get a little too much of screen time, and if they were not, they got faaaaaar from enough of it.

By the way – not sure if it’s only me but I personally think that Trevor might be keenest (or – at least – not dumbest) of protagonist trio. He might lack classic education, but he is careful watcher (he noticed fresh oil in torch and overall state of Alucard’s hideout), he correctly chosen and quite successfully executed strategy at Gresit square (isolate, divide and destroy) and quite steadfastly shrugged  off Alucard bickering (well, most of times). Also, his plan for battle with vampire generals was quite logical – avoid close quarter cause humans are in general more fragile than vampires, and Alucard as frontline. My inner maniac was most pleased.

As I said before, I really enjoy Castlevania’s overall character design but with an exception of bishop of Gresit. There is no reason for his work, I know that he is insane and reasoning usually does not apply to those like him but I feel like there is no reason in villainy (this entire talking about making a God’s own country – well, I don’t buy it), aside of being genuinely baaaaad, which kinda stands out in negative way in comparison to the rest of characters.

To highlight the issue, lets do some roleplaying here:

The night creatures are ravaging the land that you had sworn to protect in unholy war against humanity, killing women, men even your subordinates alike. The citizens are growing restless, and demand taking an action. How do you proceed?

a) Find the last descendant of family known for their prowess in fighting those beasts; but be wary – he doesn’t seem to like you very much after you branded him as heretic, exterminated his entire family and burned down his home (probably with some of aforementioned family still inside it). However, if you nicely ask for help, reverse the curse, apology for making mistake and return the estate it actually might work. (to be honest that could be quite interesting moral choice for Trevor, to help people of Wallachia and let bishop take all glory or decline the bishop proposition and screw people over in the process)

b) You can fight them, you are the Holy Church after all. You have access to unlimited supply of holy water, relics, you have enough money and authority to arm and train people’s militia properly. Your knowledge of those beasts might be as wide as Belmont family, but at least should be sufficient to minimalize the damage. Killing the Dracula, however, might be impossible for you.

c) You spent most of your time on biting, trashing, or looking for anyone to cast entire blame upon; it doesn’t matter who is that poor bastard as long as it is not you. In addition, you…

AAAAARGH I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF ANY LONGER! BROTHER, I DON’T FEEL LIKE I AM   WICKED ENOUGH! I REQUIRE TO SEE SOME SUFFERING OF INNOCENT TO FEAST UPON! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BROTHER? I CANT HEAR YOU OVER RAGE BOILING IN MY VEINS! WHAT, SPEAKERS? OF COURSE THEY WILL DO RAAAAAARRGARGAJGIOGJIHKBYIUOL

Oh well.

Well, looks like I am done here. By the way, sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker (If I’ve commited any spectacular crime against vocabulary/grammar let me know on priv).

Now I’m going back to rewatching show and torturing SoTN

No TL:DR, just read it if you want, it is not an entire book, you know.

[alliebruns-blog]

Races, Recces and Adventures for 2019

First off SORRY FOR NOT DOING BLOGS (to the 3 people that read them)

2019 has already been quite the year. Let’s get the excuses in, shall we? I have finally moved out of London to lovely sleepy Somerset – home of the Mendips, hills and lots of cows. The running here is ace and I feel like I have finally shaken off the horror of 23 years in London. But it’s a big change – the first month I felt like I was on a different planet – then I had to find work (you know that thing that actually pays you?) So I took a step back from internets for a bit. 

Another reason for lack of bloggage. It seems I have been writing them for everyone else but me this year. For some reason my inbox went a bit mad and I’ve been asked to write pieces, blogs and interviews for a Bulgarian Travel and Adventure Magazine (apparently I am going to be on the cover?!), Run Deep, Precision Hydration, Lessons in Badassery, Dure, Red Bull and Trail Running Magazine. Plus, I have to do my day job. And look after 4 dogs. And a 9 year-old (not mine but sort of is mine now….) and a man human. Jokes. He’s looking after me. 

 So what’s been going on? EVERYTHING HAS. 2019 started with BBR trotting over the The National Running Show in Birmingham where we had a stand and I gave a couple of talks. I was I the throws of a horrendous depressive episode and had to attempt to put a face on. I still wasn’t over Panama really. I think it took me about 3 months to get over it in the end. I had to do a talk on a panel about mental health and running (oh the irony) and then my own talk about running across deserts, jungles and that.

It was very difficult attempting to inspire people when I actually felt like a piece of shit. The show itself was ace and weirdly we have been asked to come back – but more on that a bit later.

I got out in January and February to do a couple of reccees for White Star Running. The weather was JOKES bad. 60mph winds and rain made for a very interesting trot along the coast.

We were checking the route for Septembers Run Jurassic races which are going to be amazing. Have a look at what’s on offer here - and rest assured that it shouldn’t be weather like this on the day…..

Then came the first race of the year - Larmer Tree Marathon in Dorset. Lest gusty with 40-50 mph winds making for another interesting run, and it was also Pickle the ultra dogs first official marathon – she loved it. Look at her little face! 

Then it was off to Bulgaria to do some talking about running. Myself and David from the Bad Boy Running Podcast were asked to go and do a talk at a running expo they had there and it was MEGA fun – defo returning nest year to do the 100KM ultra they are organising – it’s BEAUTIFUL in Sofia.

Back home and it was off to Rat Race’s Ultra Tour of Arran for the second year. 62 miles over 2 days with “some” elevation (A LOT) and some demons to slay. As you know I did NOT enjoy this last year - my fear of heights and ledges almost got the better of me, but this year was different. We had about 10 Do-Badders with us and some of them were first time ultra runners, so I felt a bit like I had a duty of care to them.

As part of my role with Rat Race, I did a little talk to people about the Bucket List which was great and I managed to get round the course with the whole squad without crying. Only issue was I ended up with an eye infection that meant I couldn’t wear my contacts. This is not recommended on mountainous trails. I fell over 3 times - my knee looked like someone had gone at it with a rifle. It really knocked my confidence for trails and I have been super careful ever since. I really hate falling over.  

Arran was beautiful and epic as always. I cannot recommend this race enough. Its otherworldly out there. Here are some pictures – the weather was so kind to us. If you get booking it now it’s pretty cheap – or even better register for a rat race season ticket and it sort of pays for itself! 

Next up was London marathon. It was my sixth year and I wasn’t looking forward to it having only just really moved away. I used to love this race, but I had done so little in the form of road running I was dreading it a bit. So I decided to spice it up by running it in reverse to the start and then running it the right way round.I need some night running experience for later I the year so why not?  I also wanted to raise money for my old friend Scott who we lost to suicide last year. If you want to give a few quid, the charity has been set up now and you can find it here.

We got up at 12am after 3 hours sleep and got our stuff together – we were running with a couple of friends starting at Birdcage walk. We decided on a 5-6 hour time as I had the real thing later on, and this was a training run ultimately. That didn’t go to plan and we ended up smashing out 20 miles in about 3 hours – meaning as we came into Greenwich everything was shut. ARGH! I need coffee! I’ve never waited for a Macdonalds to open, but that day I did! We decided to march out the last 6 miles as we had the time and my legs were already staging a protest about the relentless road pounding they were getting. Once we reached the start we headed over to a hotel on Blackheath where my amazing friend and Head of Crew™ was staying.

We had the BEST BREAKFAST EVER and got I got changed into fresh kit and then it was time to do it all over again. I forgot how much waiting about there was at London. I think I stood in the pen for about an hour, little legs seizing up, feeling cold for once. London is usually boiling. I took a minute to look around at the people running. Lots of them were doing their first and only marathon. Some of them made me want to cry. I saw a guy dressed in a bin bag looking nervous, fiddling with his headphones. He has  a message scrawled on his arm in sharpie – obviously written buy one of his kids. It said “I love you daddy and I am proud of you”. He kept looking at it. It made me want to cry. Sometimes humans can be wonderful. I bumped into the legend that is Anna Mcnuff in my start pen. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. Brilliant. She’s running the length of Britain barefoot so was a training run. I had SO MANY QUESTIONS but she seemed very cool about the whole thing. She really is relentlessly cheerful, that woman. 

 Then we were off. I felt pretty good considering the fact I had already done it once that day. As always there were huge crowds and bottlenecks and I was running a lot faster than I had done in a while. You can’t help it at London. You kind of get swept along. I was very wary of eating and drinking – I hadn’t eaten much during the night run and I am used to picnics on ultras now. I tried to take it easy but it felt easier to run at pace so I did what felt good. For once I wasn’t wearing a pack and it’s amazing how much that frees you to go a bit faster. I was relying on the water stops for all my hydration and that worked. 

One of the things I really noticed about the marathon this year is the aggro. I am so used to the chilled nature of trail runners that I totally forgot about what happened in New York. Road runners can be total arseholes. There were points when I ran over to the water station, signalling I was doing so, only to be physically bashed on the shoulder by other runners and told to “move out of the fucking way”. When I take water I tend to slow down, walk at pace, finish the water and then run on. It’s pretty obvious. I walk close to the edge so people can pass me. I’m sorry but people need to have a bit more patience. Fucking idiots. ANYWAY I managed to finish in a pretty OK 4 hours 10 mins. Getting out of the mental finish area was awful as always, and I had to meet up with a couple of people because my personal hell wasn’t ending there. I had signed up to help out on a Rat Race private event for the next two days and needed to get to Richmond to drive up to Cirencester. No boozy celebrations for me! So off I went to work with 300 bankers who were out on a jolly for 3 days running, cycling and kayaking 165 miles along the Thames. Wednesday came and I had never been happier to see my bed! 

Turns out road running smashed your body up a lot – especially 53 odd miles of it. My back was killing me, my legs hurt. So I did something I am not very good at – I had a bit or a rest. A few days off, runs at the weekend, went to physio. And then, two weeks later, it was time for The Ox Epic.

This is one of my favourite races of the year. Set on the Rushmore Estate in Wiltshire, its a whole weekend of camping and running courtesy of White Star Running. You can choose what race you do. Theres a 10km in the dark, a 10km in the morning, a half marathon and a 50 miler. So what did I choose? I CHOSE THEM ALL. Last year I managed to accidentally win the Epic - this year was a different story. This was a training run for something much bigger.

Once again White Star pulled it out the bag - a beautiful weekend and everything went like clockwork for me and him indoors, despite the fact we had all four dogs on site plus a 9 year old to look after. I managed to keep the same pace for all the races and not feel broken, plus I had a really nice weekend! We ran some laps with the dogs, some without, took out time at the aid stations, walked the hills and ran the flats. All in, we managed to get 76 miles in the bag over the weekend and finished knowing that we could do more. It was a chance to practice fuelling and hydration and catch up with old and new pals. Highly recommended and I will definitely be back next year - perhaps with my eyes on the prize again.

Pretty much everything that I have done in the first part of this year has been pointing towards my one A game race of the year which is happening this weekend (18-19 May). The Climb South West Devon Coast to Coast Ultra. I signed up last year on a whim. It’s 117 miles from the south coast to the north coast of Devon non-stop. This is the furthest I have run without a break, so it really is a huge deal to me to get through it. We’ve been out and about doing a couple of back to back weekend recees to see what the route is like. It’s self nav and we will run a lot of it in the dark. It runs along the Two Moors Way, across Dartmoor and Exmoor, through some horrendous terrain. There are a lot of muddy bridleways, fields and hardly any markings.

Elevation is mental – it literally feels like your going up hill all the time. It’s a really important race for me because it’s one I am not sure I can do. I have a plan A. B. C and D in place but I can’t see myself finishing in under 39 hours. Will I finish at all? Dunno. Stay tuned I guess….

So yeah, a lot has gone on so far this year, and there are some awesome plans in the pipeline for the rest of the year. 

Adventure time! AGAIN! 

I am resurrecting my position as Rat Race Test Pilot for 2019-2020 and doing 4 big recees this year, as well as pretty much all the events.  

June sees me travel to Spain for the Sea to Summit test pilot outing. The highest mountain in mainland Spain is 80km from the coast. Our route connects a start line on a beautiful beach on the Costa Tropical to the summit of Mulhacen (3482m) via a tough 2 day running route, giving 2 marathons back to back and nearly 4000m vertical height gain. No biggie. Plus it’s going to be BOILING and we start at 2am to try and avoid the sun. This is Ben Nevis twice in a day. Fun. 

August sees me trotting off to Malta for The Maltese Falcom. There are 3 islands that make up Malta. This ia a full traverse of the island chain. 3 disciplines. Run across Gozo. Kayak to Comino. Swim from Comino to Malta. Run across Malta. Hot. Historic. Warm sea. An island totally geared up for Endurance sport.  And all in one day. Another world first. 

In September I am off to Scotland to do something I have always dreamt off. A full coast to coast traverse of Scotland on foot. This is a west-coast-to-east-coast outing, n foot, over 6 days. The difference here is that Rat Race have devised a route that encompasses crossings of water and the use of some rivers and lochs, for which we will carry and use pack-rafts. This very unique route means we will hike or run, get to a body of water, use the raft to cross it or traverse it and then carry on by foot. An insane format in a simply stunning setting and incredibly remote area. The route goes from a starting location at Mallaig to finish just north of Inverness. This is the wildest country in the British Isles. We will be vehicle supported for some of the outing; and then self-contained (pack on back) for a significant portion of the rest. Almost 100% off-road. And in September. Be kind, weather! 

October I will return to Scotland for a multi day traverse of the Outer Hebrides. Another dream event. It is around 150 miles from the bottom to top of this rugged island archipelago off the West Coast of Scotland. We will attempt this journey over 6 days. We’ve not quite worked out the logistics on this (have I not learnt anything from Panama??) But I am SO EXCITED TO DO IT! 

In November I am travelling back to Namibia to crew for the Race to the Wreck event. That means I get to see the beauty of the desrt from the crew vehicle with a bit of running, but most importantly, it means I get to encourage, help and inspire people to complete the crossing. I would like to thank Rat Race for constantly believing me and allowing me to do these awesome things. I am one lucky piglet.  

Also here’s a thing – if you fancy joining me on any of these funtime recees then you can – just drop me an email here for more details. 

I am also doing a few other things in between mega adventures to keep up the training and fly the flag for Rat Race and White Star. There’s the Dorset Invader Marathon, the Man Vs Series, the Run Jurassic Series, Ultra Tour of Edinburgh, not to mention my first Threshold event at Race To the King. Basically it’s BUSY. But I am happy. And that’s the most important thing. 

Finally – big announcement – Bad Boy Running are thrilled to have been asked to curate a new section at The National Running Show 2020. We have been given the honour of curating the Ultra Zone – a brand new zone that focuses completely on Ultras. We have our own stage, our own guests and our own talks and panels, We are in charge. We will be announcing out line up in the next month or so but if I were you I would get your tickets NOW because you DO NOT want to miss this. You can get your free ones here using my code AMB18. We have some of the biggest names in Ultra running confirmed and it’s going to be mega. You can register for your free ticket here. Massive thank to Mike for believing in us (and trusting us – he may regret this….)

I’m also going to try and bet better at this blogging thing – I have a lot to write about so not short on material – it’s just the time. Having said that I am happy to write for anyone else that fancies it. Just drop me a line and I will take a look at it. So yeah. That’s it. Whirlwind update done. See you next week. If I survive.

[uneven-odds]

weird asks that say a lot

@promisedmistake asked me to answer these, thx love <3  1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? - coffee mugs. 2. chocolate bars or lollipops? - chocolate bars. 3. bubblegum or cotton candy? - bubblegum. 4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? -a fast learner, is easy to distract, friendly, ambitious and a good student. 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? - soda cans .6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? - formal. 7. earbuds or headphones? - earbuds. 8. movies or tv shows? - tv shows. 9. favorite smell in the summer? - rain. 10. game you were best at in p.e.? - völkerball.  11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? -cereal or yogurt, a cup (or two) of coffee and sometimes orange juice.  12. name of your favorite playlist? - I have a few playlists but they are all untitled. 13. lanyard or key ring? - key ring. 14. favorite non-chocolate candy? - cookies (idk don´t really have one) 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? - the great gatsby by F.S.Fitzgerald 16. most comfortable position to sit in? - cross-legged. 17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? - converse. 18. ideal weather? - cold and rainy. 19. sleeping position? - on my stomach with one hand underneath me and one beside my head. 20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? - note book. 21. obsession from childhood? - Us5. 22. role model? - my grandpa. 23. strange habits? - i don’t know if it´s strange but I need to do things in a particular order. I need structure without it I feel kinda lost and anxious. 24. favorite crystal? - amethyst. 25. first song you remember hearing? - losing my religion by R.E.M. 26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? - sunbathing and reading. 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? - staying in bed and reading a good book or binge watching a tv show. 28. five songs to describe you? - untold by RY X, coldest water by Walking on Cars, uneven odds by sleeping at last, bury a friend by Billie Eilish, Recovery by James Arthur 29. best way to bond with you? - humor. 30. places that you find sacred? - churches. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? - black jeans, black shirt and my red/black plaid shirt. 32. top five favorite vines? - fresh avacado, Adam, whats worse than..., dropped my croissant, ms. keisha. 33. most used phrase in your phone? - same. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? - none. 35. average time you fall asleep? - around 11 pm. 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? -ugh idk. 37. suitcase or duffel bag? - suitcase. 38. lemonade or tea? - tea. 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? - lemon cake. 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? -can´t think of one. 41. last person you texted? - my best friend. 42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? - jacket pockets. 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? - hoodie. 44. favorite scent for soap? - honey. 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? - fantasy. 46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? - a top and sleep pants. 47. favorite type of cheese? - cheddar. 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? - a lemon. 49. what saying or quote do you live by? - everyone is fighting their own battle, think before you judge. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? - insiders. 51. current stresses? - university and life in general. 52. favorite font? - I kinda like times new roman...so. 53. what is the current state of your hands? - dry af.  54. what did you learn from your first job? - that i hate it. 55. favorite fairy tale? -snow white. 56. favorite tradition? - every week, when my best friend and I are finished with grocery shopping we make something to eat and watch a movie or a couple of episodes from a tv show. I love it. 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? -I took help, I was honest to myself and my family, I cut strings with people that were toxic for me. 58. four talents you’re proud of having? - I´m a good listener, I learn fast, Writing and painting (a little)  59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? - “fucking hell.” 60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? - i don’t know I don´t really like anime. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? - “This is my design.” 62. seven characters you relate to? - Will Graham, Spencer Reid, Sansa Stark, Sherlock, Lucas from Skam France, Newt (Tmr) and Gina Linetti 63. five songs that would play in your club? - Rain over me, Sweet nothing, Unforgettable, Songs für Liam and Pound the alarm 64. favorite website from your childhood? - well there was this one called outside. I didn´t know what a website was in my childhood. 65. any permanent scars? - yes, on my arms and my knee. 66. favorite flower(s)? - roses. 67. good luck charms? - don’t have any. 68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? - onions. 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? - that bees don´t have lungs..idk. 70. left or right handed? - right handed. 71. least favorite pattern? - dots. 72. worst subject? - p.e. 73. favorite weird flavor combo? - fries and ice cream. 74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? - 8 or 9 it depends. 75. when did you lose your first tooth? - I was 5. 76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? - mashed potatoes. 77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? - cactus. 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? -coffee from a gas station. 79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? - school (or university) id photo. 80. earth tones or jewel tones? - earth tones. 81. fireflies or lightning bugs? - fireflies. 82. pc or console? - console. 83. writing or drawing? - writing. 84. podcasts or talk radio? - podcasts. 84. barbie or polly pocket? - barbie. 85. fairy tales or mythology? - mythology. 86. cookies or cupcakes? - cookies. 87. your greatest fear? - death. 88. your greatest wish? - to be happy. 89. who would you put before everyone else? - myself. 90. luckiest mistake? -account on fanfiction.de 91. boxes or bags? - bags. 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? - fairy lights. 93. nicknames? - I have quite a few.. 94. favorite season? - autumn. 95. favorite app on your phone? - tumblr. 96. desktop background? - starry sky. 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? -just mine. 98. favorite historical era? - renaissance.

[zankokunowisdom]

Productivity Challenge and Troubling Times

It seems that everything will change very soon. It would’ve happened sooner or later but still now that it’s happening, it’s just so surreal. Or maybe way too real.  There are good consequences and not so good consequences and yet nothing is set in stone.  Everything changes. Well, change can be good. I just have to be smart about it.

Productivity challenge

Day 50 - Monday (19.11.2018) - the week started very well, I listened to anthropology audiobook, wrote a post on tumblr about the previous week, planned the future week, organised info on my whiteboard, went to the forest, practiced sketching, meditated, read 5 second rule (some really gread advice for productivity that I immediatly implemented), came up with a memo to help me play two DnD characters at once,  finished listening to Alanis Morisette podcast (it’s very helpful for my mental health), read a book about botany, gave a lesson, did some divination, watched a self-improvement video (which was uselless, but hey, effort!) and then even revised my points and calculated points for it! It was a 6200 day! I wanted to count that for all days of the week but then...

Day 51 - Tuesday - a letter came that have thrown my plans into chaos

(it’s annoying, and in the future I need to try to accomplish my goals despite the interference). Well anyway, I managed to  do some useful things anyway - I fixed my google calendar (it was out of date), gave a lesson, got a new card from library, did a bit of therapy, kinda danced a bit (to take the edge off, okay?!!), worked out a bit, really practiced drawing, oh it was so nice to draw without pressure of how it will turned out. I always had an idea that I wanted to put on paper lately and it made drawing a bit stressfull, so just practicing was very fun and helpful for my motivation. And then I  worked on my negative thinking by spending an equal amount of time thinking about the positive possibility in the future. 

Day 52 - Wednesday - Worked, worked on myself by reading a psychology book about stages of development, which really helped - I realised that I’m putting to much pressure on myself to be like a fully functioning independent adult while I’m young adult who’s just figuring shit out and that’s okay!  I did yoga and also practiced singing.

Day 53 Thursday - Worked, tried to watch the story that I tell in my head. Like I tend to feel like a victim of bad events and I have really challenged that to try to see myself in a more positive and stronger way. Wrote a letter to the person that’s no longer in my life because it’s a useful psychological excersise. Practiced singing! I’m finally working out how to create enough volume and power (I think).

Day 54 Friday - Mooore wooork (so fun), practiced singing and read some dnd info. That is all that was written.

Aah, I also prepared some memos for Gardarika (my rolegame)!

Day 55 - Saturday - Met with Akira and we had a great Gardarika session. That’s all I remember. There was probably also some things that I did about that stressfull situation from tuesday.

Day 56 - Sunday - some DnD editing, a lesson, and a mental health day, Watched She-Ra all day and have drawn the main heroine! Drawing simple cartoons is not a problem for me now which is cool. The animation for the cartoon could’ve been much better and it’s definetly for the younger audiences but it was still quite entertaining! When I watched the final episode there were fireworks outiside of my window which was funny because there was lot of special effects happening on screen at the same time

I did my best to remain calm about my stressfull situation. Tough.

Day 57 - Monday. Work, we wend to take a look at the potential place and wrote to people that need to be dealt with in  order to get at least something. Hmm, Plans are put in motion and even if it’s gonna be difficult, I must be focused on my own goals as well.

P.S. I can’t believe that I’ve completed half of the challenge already, time flies.