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#ali will be getting A LOT of praise from our sun boi
screwzara · 2 years
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My dumbass can't stop imagining this
Ali showing Cahaya what he has built himself so far
Cahaya will ask so many questions-
"How does this work?" "Does it have a set singular purpose?" "What are the materials used for the creation of this device?"
Cahaya will be so excited because his long time friend(who is younger than him) is making this shit like-
He gonna go full proud mother mode on ali
Cahaya would listen very closely to what ali is saying and give him critical input when asked of him cuz he would want ali to shine(perhaps even brighter than him but he will not admit to that)but he'll be damned if he didn't at least hint at a problem's solution subtly for Ali
Ali would be ecstatic
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popculturebuffet · 3 years
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Ducktales: The Treasure of the Lost Lamp Movie Reviewcap! (Patreon Stretch Goal)
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Hello all you happy people! And we have a special review today for two reasons. The first is that this is my second patreon stretch goal review, having hit the 15 dollar goal back in march thanks to my wonderful friend Emma, the same patreon whose responsible for the Green Eggs and Ham Reviews,  who helped me hit the 15 dollar goal.  As a result you fine people are getting three movie reviews each based on a Disney Afternoon Movie with Treasure of the Lost Lamp today, a goofy movie at the end of the motnh for  a weeklong tribute to my favorite dogmandadguy.  Extremley was going to be part of it but the length of this review convinced me otherwise, but I will be doing it this summer so keep an ear out. If you want to help me hit my next stretch goals do yourselve a favor and zip on over to my patreon YOU CAN FIND MY PATREON HERE. My next stretch goal at “OH Look 20 Dollars” would give everyone patreon and not, a monthly review of Darkwing Duck as decided by my patrons, reviews of BOTH season 2 mini series from Ducktales 87, introducing Fenton to the world and blighting it with Bubba before the 2017 series fixed him, and as a brucey bonus added last month a review of Danny Phantom the Ultimate Enemy. And if that wasn’t enough if you help me get to the goal after that at 25 unlocks another trilogy of disney film reviews, this time for the proud family and recess movie and the best kim possible movie, and dcom period, so the drama as well as Bryan Lee O’ Malley’s two stand alone graphic novels, lost at sea and seconds for you Scottaholics in the audience.
The other reason now the shilling’s done. is that the plan WAS to review this back to back with Treasure of The Found Lamp, to the point the orginal review had a whole thing about that, why it was delayed etc... but now that review’s been scrapped all together as something sudden and wonderful happened. After just kinda giving up someone came through with a translation of Della’s first apperance so presumibly i’ll be doing that as part of the build up to mother’s day, and since I still want ot do maternal instincts too, and already had to let the Floyd Gottfredson birthday special slide away as well... it had to go as I want to leave the only open space on the schedule for the lovely person who found the story for me. But this review is still done, i’m very proud of it so join me under the cut won’t you?
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Behind The Scenes: Before I get into it i’d just like to note this article from SyFy Wire. It , along with articles I found via wikipedia citations, was an invaluable resource. 
The film was an experiment: It was an experiment to see if one of their tv properties could bring in theatrical money, to see if a movie made on a cheaper budget and still rake in decent money, to see if a film could be made being outsourced to several diffrent places, and to see what one of those places, their recently aquiried french stuido, could handle this kind of work. 
The film, if succesful would be the first of Disney’s MovieToons line, a series of films based on their shows. As you can tell by the fact only this movie and Goof Troop happened and the Movie Toons label wasn’t applied to that one it very much failed. While the film was warmly recevied by people who liked the show general audiences didn’t turn out for it. As a result the MovieToons label was scrapped, future projects with it were canceled.. but the stellar work put in by the french stuidio lead to it perserviering for several more decades and lead to them working on the Goofy Movie, which we’ll get to later this month but needless to say was a MUCH bigger hit with a much bigger budget. 
As for why the film failed... I have two theories. THe first is that parents were stupid back then and didn’t want to pay to see something on the big screen they could see on tv’s. This is a stupid mentality to me as generally a movie of a tv show puts in a ton of extra effort and usually goes bigger and dosen’t go home. It’s a likely theory given most liscened films of the era didn’t do quite well, with all three hasbro films tanking. And look I get Transformers the Movie is cheesy and killed a lot of people’s childhood toys, but damn if it ain’t aweosme.. and also something I need to cover at some point. Thankfully this died out by later in the 90′s with Rugrats getting a hugely succesful if flawed film, a better sequel and a third one that was also a crossover with the wild thornberries. 
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And even now in 2020 we’re getting the Loud House and Rise of the TMNT movies sometimes this summer, we were SUPPOSED to have gotten the bobs burgers movie this summer but arne’t because Disney is being a dick about it.
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And we got a phineas and ferb movie last year. With this trend hopefully thsi means we’ll get a Ducktales 2017 movie at some point since season 4 left a huge sequel hook laying right there to grab for a feature film.  One final note: The film was conceptually thought up as a 5 part serial like “Treasure of the Golden Suns”, “Catch as Cash Can”, “SuperDucktales” and “Time is Money, something that DOES show as the movie weirdly has act breaks. In a feature film. Yup. 
The Guest Cast:
I won’t go into the full cast since I’ve sung Alan Young and Russi Taylor’s praises PLENTY on this blog before, and I plan to go into Beakly and Launchpad’s actors when they show up in the pilot movie. But i’d be remiss if i didn’t talk about our three guest actors for our three new parts. 
First up is Merlock voiced by legend and if I had a hall of fame, hall of famer Christopher Lloyd.. I need to get me one of those. Lloyd is of course known for playing Doc Brown in back to the future but has done countless other films, voicework, and other good stuff. Among his MASSIVE filmography includes The Back to the Future Trilogy (Already mentioned it but it bears repeating), Star Trek III, Who Framed Roger Rabbit as the pants destroyingly terrifying Judge Doom, The Addams Family duology as fester, a role rip torn would ironcially play for the animated series made to captalize on said movie, Hey Arnold! The Movie, The Oogieloves in The Big Ballon Adventure (Look everybody needs money sometimes okay?), and Art of the Deal: The Movie, which was not, thankfully an ego filating nightmare made by trump himself but a film made by funny or die parodying his terrible book and having Llloyd return as Doc Brown. TV Wise he’s known for Taxi, Back to the Future the Animated Series, Cyberchase and he most recently popped up on Big City Greens. How I missed that ep I.. do know as I haven’t watched season 2. Gonna fix that later this month. Lloyd is utterly awesome, a great guy and thankfully still alive at the time of this writing, so I was happy to have him here. 
Less familiar to me but still known is Rip Taylor, a comedian known for his flamboyant unique way of speech and his marvelous mustache. He showed up in things occasionally and always seemed like the nicest guy and his passing in late 2019 truly is sad. He does a terrific job here but more on that in a moment. 
Finally we have Richard Libertini, a comedian I never really saw in anything besides this who according to IMDB was most famous for his ablility to do a foreign accent. I REALLY hope all of them aren’t as horribly racist as this one. We’ll.. get to that in a sec as it’s time for the plot!
A Treasure Uncovered:
We open our film gorgeously. The animation is great in the film, having some rough edges I chalk up to the film’s hectic production, the studio being new at working at disney properties, and the film not being meant for HD. That being said a few rough spots here and there aside.. the film looks ungodly gorgeous. Like most theatrical films based on a cartoon it takes an already great style and makes it look great. It feels like a more fluid evolution of the cartoons look and it’s a shame we didn’t get more movies in this style for both this show and others, ESPECIALLY Darkwing Duck. Can you imagine a Darkwing Duck movie with this lush animation? Hopefully we’ll get one eventually. 
So our heroes are going to somewhere in the Middle East. That’s.. that’s all wikipedia gives me and all the film gives me. As usual Scrooge is after treasure in this case the Treasure of Collie Baba, the greatest thief there ever was based obviously off Ali Baba from 1001 nights and that one Beastie Boys song. 
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It’s here we find the WORST thing about the film, the thing that makes this a hard one to watch depsite otherwise being pretty good, and that makes my skin crawl knowing i’m a white man and a BUNCH of white guys, Ducktales series creator who did the voice casting for this character, the writers who wrote him, the direector disney them fucking selves who thought this was okay. 
The film has some horrible steroytping. It starts with a bunch of backgorund guys surronding Scrooge, with crooked teeth and steotypical voices. This on it’s own is odious. 
It somehow gets worse. Then we meet one of our antagonists. We meet Dijon. 
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This Fucking Guy 
Djon is horribly offensive reminding me of other such luminaries in being ungodly offensive yet somehow getting put to film as Jar Jar Binks (With all respeect to his poor actor Ahmed Best, this is not his fault), Rob Schinder as a Sterotypically asian preist, Skids and Mudflap, Rob Schinder as a sterotypically mexican bandit, The Whitewashed cast of The Last Airbender, and Rob Schinder as a stereotypically asian preist. What i’m saying is Djon is an AWFUL, horribly offensive character.. and that Rob Schinder should be shot up into space, not to watch cheesy movies, he’s not funny enough for that, but instead to be sent to a satlitie that’s liveable, but also filled to the brim with spring loaded boxing gloves. Just tons of boxing gloves that feel like getting punched by a heavewight boxer all hidden... they could hit his legs, his face, his nuts, his face and his nuts, the point is he’s in constnat pain unless he moves carefully. 
And lest you think i’m exaggerating for starters this is his design. 
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It just screams “vaugely but sterotpyically middle eastern” along with cowardly. The fact he’s also a literal rat is just the icing on the cake made of broken glass, shrapnel and broken DVD’s of Transformers; Revenge of the Fallen. They say if you eat a reveng eof the fallen dvd John Tutoro appears at the foot of your bed and watches you while you sleep.. and by they I mean me. It was a bad bet. I got rid of him with some insese and a bribe of five dollars. 
Oh but that’s just design.. when he talks it’s MUCH worse. His voice is like if they took Apu from the simpsons and said “This but MORE offensive”, and his perosnality is WORSE. He’s a thief.. and not in the endearing loveable rogue way but he’s a pick pocket and a running “Gag’ is that he’ll often grab eveyrthing within reahc. As the deisgn shows he’s a coward running at every opportunity. Oh and to top it all off he’s the willing servant of the white coded, given all ducks in this series are white coded and voiced bby white actors, big bad. And the actor is naturally VERY white to make this cocktail of offensivness so complete that if Disney ever got rid of this film I GUARANTEE the republcian party would be running in with accusations of cancel culture gone amok and never shutting up about this like they did the muppets. Which for the record THEY DIDN’T CANCEL THEM, YOUR POINT IS ILLEGITMATE, THEY JUST WANTED TO BE SENSTIVE YOU GHOULS. 
I do have a reason for bringing up Disney’s content warnings... most damming of all given just how DEEPLY uncomfortbale this character is.. there isn’t one for this movie. I double checked: There isn’t even wanring notes on the website. It’s just.. on there. And given just how ghastly a sterotype Djon is.. that’s not right. Seriously they DID put them on certain episodes of the show, theyk now this sort of thing is wrong and they done wrong.. but for NO reason they haven’t done so for a film released 31 years ago. Around the same time as the series and just offensive as that show at it’s worst if not more so. This is flatly inexcusable.. par for the course for Disney’s incompetence but still horribly furstrating, disgusting and shameful.. which has been the theme of the last three days really. I expect better because when it comes to putting that warning label on this stuff, they usually are better. First the scheduling mixup and now this. You already do a handful of things wrong Disney why add this to the list?!
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It’s just draining not only to run into another Disney Fuckup after a weekend of dealing with one of their worst in recent memory, but just to watch Djon. To see this horrible caractrure saunter onto the screen and go on with his harmful schtick, to see that THIS is what Ducktales 87 reduced non white people to more often than not.  It’s remarkable just how throughly and awesomely Frank and Matt completely and totally reversed this. Instead of horrible sterotypes in the reboot, we got TONS of loveable people of color, an endearing latino hero, a smart african american buisness woman who takes no shit but is still a consumate professional, and an egyptian HERO with an intresting story and a strong moral code instead of this horrible reminder that racisim in media was such an afterthought not ONE person brought this up during the scyfy wire stuff or in any inteview i’ve seen. No one cared. Djon was POPULAR enough that he got three episode sin the series. THREE FUCKING EPISODES. This film could be GOOD.. but it’s just so bogged down EVERY FUCKING TIME this artists interpreitation of what Tucker Carlson sees when he looks at a middle eastern person I had to pause to compose myself and had to take a break writing this review to avoid tyiping this in all caps and using the phrase YOU RACIST MOTHERFUCKERS every other sentence. And again i’m white, I get this is second hand offensiveness.. I do... but it dosen’t mean I can’t be offended other white people were so callous about other cultures behaviors this happened.
And what makes me feel worse.. is that I just sorta... never thought about white people voicing non white characters. Things like this I noticed sure, I realize now part of the reason I didn’t like this movie the first time I saw it was this alex jones version of a looney tune, but I do feel shame for not noticing or caring long before this. Sure I loved it when a character of color got played by a person of color.. but I didn’t realize just how deep that problem was and how LONG it went on for before the outcry post george floyd and the call to action lead to most shows still going course correcting. It’s why stuff like this extra botehrs me: because THIS was just as okay at the time. No one blinked twice about this and odds are the creators involved still haven’t. And that.. that’s just terrible and it hurts to think about and  I still have most of the movie to go.  
The Pyramid of Peril:
So we do get a gorgeous unvewling scene of a box Scrooge found out about from Collie Baba’s horde that should lead them to the treasure. This scene reminds me of Indina Jones.. and I bring this up because the poster was specifically made to mimick an indinia jones poster, to the point of getting drew struzan to do it. THe creator of Ducktales objected..l but I do not get WHY. While I”m not sure if he had yet, Speilberg flat out admits the Carl Barks comics were an inspiration for Indina Jones, with the iconic bolder chase coming from a similar scene in one of Barks Stories. Gotta cover that too. So yeah I don’t get not wanting an indina jones style poster when both were inspiried by the same work and it’s just simple logic and it looks so neat. Thank you. 
Scrooge finds seemingly just clothes.. and a map. Jeff Dunham’s Most Racist Puppet reports to his master, Merlock. Merlock is a.. meh villian. Christopher Lloyd does try.. but Lock is your standard evil overlord wants to take over the world type. He dosen’t have much depth, or personality and only his style saves him from dragging the film down along with Dana Carvey’s most racist disguise in master of disguise. He does have a deent shape shifting gimick and being played by Christopher Lloyd means he’s acted TREMENDOUSLY. Alan Young was apparently in awe watching him work and that’s wonderful to hear. The guy did his best. Weirdly Merlock would show up in tons of other works, mostly video games.. but even weirder he NEVER showed up in ducktales 2017. Both Djon and Gene would, Djon thankfully renamed we’ll get to all of that tommorow thank god. I need it after this. But Frank has outright said they didn’t use Merlock because there simply wasn’t anything they could do with him they couldn’t dow ith magica. My likely guess is the might of found a way to revamp him EVENTUALLY, it’s not like radical revamps weren’t there thing come on, they just had way more stories with Magica and didnd’t get around to it before the show was canceled. Just make him some sort of evil god or something. it’s what I might do. There’s a lot of angles with him. Though I would’ve still gotten christopher lloyd back. I mean most of the recasting is good but he’s still alive and deserved a better shot at things. 
So Merlock sends Djonn to go with scrooge as his guide to find the treasure, as there’s something of imense power within it. And I gotta ask WHY does Merlock need a minon. No really. This isn’t a situation like reboot magica where he’s trapped in another realm. He can shapeshift into any animal. We only see him use falcon, rat, cockroach and bear but theoritically he can become anything and bear alone is still a LOT. Why does he need this sterotype even other sterytopes ar eashamed of? The film dosen’t NEED Djonn. Just let Christopher Lloyd monologue and leave this post 911 propogranda cartoon at home. 
So our heroes nad rejected jar jar prototype head into the desert, and seemingly find nothing before finding a small pyramid all while Merlock follows desecretley as a mighty hawk. 
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Scrooge makes the boys and Djon dig... because they clearly forgot the “work hard” part of his ethos. 
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Our heroes unveil the pyramid... and while Merlock SAYS he searched the desert and I get it’s hard to see thourgh all of that.. the dude is immortal, had decades to search and had Mickey Rooney there on standby to force him to go comb the desert. I have an artist rendering of that hang on
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So our heroes enter the pyramid and it goes.. really how you’d expect: there’s a bunch of traps our brave explorers have to pass, the boys minintpret a juinor woodchuck saying about loosing your marbles to mean using the ones they actually have which geninely comes in handy as they trip the traps and Rob SChinder as a carrot stumbles into one. Also launchpad is wearing a hawaiin shirt and shades. This has no baring on the plot, but it does bring the movie up a notch in my book and I question why the reboot never used this outfit. Then again they also never properly used Donald’s Quack Pack Outfit (Which bad show or not, is objectively awesome), or his Quack Shot Indiana Jones Riff Outfit, so  it’s not like there isn’t a presdecnt for not giving a character a cool costume change from a previous medium. I really should do a top 12 missed opportunities list for the 2017 cartoon.. the ideas for stuff are really piling up. 
OUr heroes eventually find the treasure which has insidiously clever security the more I think about it: at first I thought it had none, just a pit with some... scorpions? I mean their supposed to be but they look like they crawled out of the same stygian hole in the sky Doofus crawled out of. And if your asking me “wait which Doofus” the answer is both. Both these abominations crawled out of a stygian hole in the sky.
But the treasure is on a platform surrounded by scoprions with the only way out being the trap filled way they came in. Unless someone comes in with a full team and a bunch of lootin sacks, they aren’t getting out with EVERYTHING. They can steal SOME of the treasure but there’s no way to get any signifigant portion... and the team thing itself is an issue, something Collie defintely predicted being a thief himself: while some thieves can work well as a team, hence why we have four oceans movies 3/4 damn good, and for the record 12 is the bad one, 8 is how you do a soft reboot and a female led reboot right, a good chunk of professional crooks will turn on each other or try and swinldle... and tha’ts dangerous in a trap filled temple but hey some criminals ain’t so smart.  If they all were Rudy Gulliani wouldn’t have two razzies for preparing to pull his pants down, and have waved his phone around on tv like a dare for future adminstrations to arrest the shit out of him would he? 
But Scrooge has his family so they get loading. But not before Webby finds the lamp. Not knowing about it Scrooge has no intrest in it, but Webby does. We also get a really simple but hilarious gag where SCrooge dickers over the idea for a second.. before Webby picks up a Jeweled tiara to possibly take instead. The best gags to me are often the ones that just let the character’s perosnalities take the lead and bounce off each other. It’s why when I reviewed the four lilo and stitch crossovers recently I harped on character interaction as their biggest weakness: it’s what MAKES a good work for me. It’s why my faviorite comics and shows often follow a loveable group of disfunctional misfits. I like a group of big personalities who despite in theory should NOT be able to work making it work anyway. And it’s honeslty what’s made Scrooge last so long: Scrooge on his OWN is awesome.. but iwth the boys, donald, and in the case of this series and the reivival Webby and Launchpad, with people to bounce off of who he contrasts heavily with, from Launchapd’s buffonery to Webby’s inehrent sweetness in both versions, to the boys genuine honesty and sense of adventure.... it makes him truly stand out. He’s a great character on his own, don’t get me wrong.. but it’s the people around him that give him chances to show WHY. A good character on it’s own is fine and dandy.. a good character with other good characters around them is where it gets truly special. 
Merlock naturally bursts in and in a VERY Black Heron move needlesly outs what micheal bay sees when he closes his eyes as a bad guy... no really he grabs the guy with his talons as he captures the treasure and reveals he’s a bad guy. I don’t even get why keep Djonn alive. He’s done all Merlock possibly could’ve needed and Merlock is ruthless... this makes no sense and only happens because they need Djonn for later in the plot.
Our heroes barely escape, rafting out on the platform itself in a thrilling sequence.. but it’s the one right after that catches my attention. Scrooge utterly defeated, having searched for this treasure for forty years and unresponsive to everyone else. The anmation, coupled with the incomprable Alan young’s acting makes this the highlight of the film for me. Beneath the armor of wealth and skill.. is only a poor old man who just lost something he’s been chasing after most of his life. Scrooge tries his hardest not to be vunerable and both shows and the original comics all use that so when he truly is devistated like this, and i’ts belivible since this treasure is a personal goal of his and as someone who has had things that they seek out specifically, loosing them always hurts. It hurts to ALMOST reach a goal only to have it crumble out under you
But while this alone is good.. what’s next makes it great. Webby sweetly offers up the lamp. Scrooge turns it down, and her genuine gesture reinvgorates him and reminds us of who he is “I’ll find it if it takes another 40 years”> Scrooge may be bitter, mean and selfish a lot of the time.. but deep down, he’s a good man and one who will not give up, and a momentary setback can only stop him so long as long as he has his family to remind him of who he truly is.. and what’s truly important. It’s genuinely sweet and to me is also a reminder of why 87 Webby is a good character: Shes’ not perfect, her main personality trait is often Girl Sterotype”.. but she’s a genuinely sweet small child with a huge heart. It’s telling that while 17′ Webby is almost completely diffren,t and far better, that heart remains her biggest strength. Sure her reboot self could kill a man nad no one would ever find the body, but it’s her heart and empathy that makes that possible and makes her Webby.  That inherent loving nature is what makes Webby webby wether she’s a toddler having a tea party or a tween getting ready to intergoate a guy with a meat tenderizer while saying ‘Cute girl stuff”. 
Gene Genie Let’s Himself Go:
It’s a few days later and this is the point where it REALLY becomes obvious this was written as a bunch of episodes. Though to the film’s credit while it does ake this feel like a compliation movie as a result... it dosen’t hamper the film’s quality, condiment from Rush Limbaghs’ hot dog stand does that just fine, but once you notice it it’s impossible to unotice it. Weirdly though it seems chunked up into four episodes rather than the usual five, likely cutting down an episode, though I can’t see where they cut out material frankly if they did and i’ts just as likely they woudl’ve had to make one to fill in the space.
So Scrooge is in a mood, being grumpy with his secretary Mrs. Featherly, quackfaster in all but name, and having to be sent home. So while Duckworth goes to fetch him Webby polishes her treasure at long last readying for a tea party, something the boys roundly reject because their sexist little twits and swo were the writers or executies who assumed all little boys act the same. It’s easily my biggest pet peeve with the series as a whole: anytime this crops up with the boys it turns them into the worst dicks imaginable. It’s telling this, being mean about her wantin ga tea party with her surrogate brothersi s TAME. Normally they’ll say she can’t do things because she’s a girl or mock her hobies outright instead of just be mildly dickish. And while she dosen’t look much younger Webby is VERY CLEARLY, in this series anyway, supposed to be say 5 or 6 to the boys 8-10. 7 at most. SHe’s a small child and while it is realistic for older kids to bully younger ones, it’s not fun to watch. It’s why I get annoyed at all the big sibling bully characters.. some work, but most aren’t fun to watch because there’s nothing funny or intresting about it. It’s the same deal here. 
Thankfully that quickly goes away as the lamp moves when Webby rubs it and does so again to prove it did move. Huey finishes it and we’re introduced to Gene, the best part of the film.  Gene is a Genie and he takes a second to dart around before messing with the appliances in the kitchen, as he was last around during the time 1001 Nights Came About. Cleverly though, and so we thankfully don’t have 80 dozen fishout of water jokes that have already been done before. As you can probably guess i’m not a huge fan of time travel fish out of water stuff. Now from another dimensoin or planet, i’m on board with with Star Vs, Steven Universe and Sym-Bionic Titan being great examples of this, as is the comic resident alien. (Despite having the wonderous Alan Tuduk the show sounds way more mean spirited and misses the entire point of the comic as given by the author in the credits, i.e. that the alien is supposed to NOT be a threat and just be gently waiting for a ride) The inverse is also good with Amphbia and owl house, taking a human and plopping them into our world. But time travel stuff just usually runs the same beats of “look at the shiny thing” and what not. The only time i’ve sene something SIMILAR work is with thor where their society is SIMILAR to vikings time but still it’s own thing.. it also gave us a classic gag in..
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So yeah i’m glad they dropped this and instead had a clever way around it: Gene reads the encylopedia at the mansion. Granted it’s Scrooge so I don’t know how current it is and given this came out in 1990 thus HOW racist it is. It’s not a questoin of IF it was, but how much.
But having caught up the kids confront him with the fact he has to grant wishes. This lamp runs on what I now realize are Aladdin rules: Whoever currently holds the Lamp is the Genie’s master, they only get three wishes, and that dosen’t reset if it changes hands. The only big diffrence from the usual is Gene dosen’t have to TELL them about the wishes like Genie did, and Gene very begrudginly agrees to it. He also seem’s phsyically pained when doing so. 
So since all 12 know about him, each of the kids gets a wish though it seems unfair with HDL. Their one person, they shoudln’t get 9 wishes just because their brain is spread out over three bodies. 
This film continues the weird simliarties to Aladdin by attaching rules though they instead come up as a result of our heroes talking rather than the Genie just flat out tleling them: both share the “you can’t wish for more wishes” thing, a common rule in these stories and usually only broken nowadays as a clever twist as the rule is SO common place, not having it is a twist. But it is there for a reason: to limit the sheer power of a reality warping wish. The wishes can also only go so far. In a nice line, when Huey, Dewey or Louie suggests wishing for peace one earth, Gene says “No pipe dreams’ He can’t bend people or reality on THAT scale. He can bend reality as we find out, but it’s smaller scales like turning someone’s possesions over ot someone else, warping the bin into a castle, or bringing inanitamte objects to limited life. Still HUGE feats worth of a genie, so Gene’s power isn’t so nerfed it’s unusuable, but it does explain why his evil pervious ownder Merlock, more ont hat in a bit too, didn’t just wish to have eternal dominon over the earth or something. Gene can do just about anything but he can’t change the world on a fundemental level. 
And I do LIKE having rules in wished based stories like this, I chalk it up to growing up with Fairly Odd Parents... though they eventually went too far in the oppsoitie direction, pulling rules out of their ass to suit the episode, instead of simply having some very standard, very understandable rules that still pose challenges but don’t outright cheat so the episode can happen. 
So Webby does her first wish.. and wishes for a Baby Elephant, something Gene is against as he prefers they keep the wishes small: otherwise he gets found out, and the fight over him begins. So one of the boys wishes him away. Or Webby does. Point is it’s gone though not before Beakly sees it and Scrooge smells something is up. Our heroes try to hide gene, but gene thankfully simply dresses up like a modern kid and thus is able to pass as a friend of there staying for the night. 
So with the rules established and what not the kids find a clever solution: they simply go a ways away from the mansion into the woods, far enough from town to avoid any suspcion, and same iwth the mansion and just wish for all kinds of stuff: a giant bunch of ice cream toys, standard kid wish fufillment but it’s nice... in part because the kids treat Gene like one of them. Wihle they STARTED asking him about the wishes, this starts the bonding process. Soon he will be part of the hive mind.. SOON. 
Until then though after using another wish to make scrooge not mad at them for coming home late and missing dinner, that night we find out Gene’s backstory.... and it’s an utter tearjerker. As it turns out Merlock wants him back because he’s Gene’s former master and as you’d guess.. it was NOT a happy existnace, used contstnatly to do horrible things with no power to stop himself. Pompeii and Atlantis were both directly Merlock’s fault and it was only Collie Baba stealing the lamp that put an end to his hell. He also answers the two obvious questions botht he audeiince and the boys have: How the hell is Merlock still alive and shoudln’t he be out of wishes then? The first is simple. Unlike pretty much every DBZ Villian whose WANTED to do so, Merlock wished for immortality first chance he got, taking the Zamasu route instead and thus leaving him free. 
As for the wishes thing it turns out his amulet, in adition to shapeshifting, also gives him extra wishes becuase fuck it. 
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But the boys sweetly offer to protect him. 
The next day, Apu’s Cousin let’s Merlock know the maps in the mansion and Merlock has him help sneak in with Merlock taking rat form. This backfires as Mrs. Beakley notices the form and chases after him with a broom
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Meanwhile Webby has her tea party with Gene after he and the boys played cops and robbers earlier, and he’s bored.. though nicely not because it’s a girly thing, but because the stuffed animals aren’t alive and she naively has him fix that. This leads to 
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Which sadly is jsut scrooge vs a duck toy but admit it, you want that movie for Disney Plus yesterday. Call Charles Band Disney. CALL CHARLES BAND! 
Whelp Scrooge Still Sucks:
Scrooge takes for a turn for the obnoxious in the next part, but i’ts fine by me as it’s part of the plot. Naturally this reinactment of Cult of Chucky has lead to Scrooge finding out about the Genie. To his credit, Scrooge is tactical about his wishes. As said by the Duck himself “I could wish for a diamond, no the world’s biggest dimaond, no ten world’s biggest diamond, no a diamond mind, no the MINING INDUSTRY!”
The sheer power this gives him is TERRIFYING, both because of his status.. and because unlike the kids who all wished for simple kid stuff and used up their wishes quickly, he both gets how much he can do with this and could conquer the world economy if he truly wanted to. 
The obnoxious part comes in as he treats Gene as not a person, figuring he’s just there and forces him into the lamp despite the kids protests after Gene grants his first wish: Collie Baba’s treasure. It also dosen’t feel like the wishing nor him using the lamp to get the tresure back goes against his hard work ethos: for the former while he is getting all this magically, he’s still having ot use his wits to get the most out of it, and he did earn the lamp itself square. For the latter, he already earned the treasure square too and had it stolen. He’s onlyg etting back what’s by all rights HIS. Granted he plans on giving most of it up for a tax break but still it’s his by right. 
However the reason his assholery works is twofold: first it’s Scrooge. While he’s not a TERRIBLE person, in the comcis and this cartoon he isn’t a GOOD person either. He DOES have a good heart and will usually do the right thing, but his first instnct is always to get more money and to be a cantakerous old bastard to eveyrone and everything. While he’s subtly grew out of “I hate eveyrone and everyone hates me” as his guiding principal, it’s still his defualt reaction to most situations. But he first relents by letting Gene attend the party, part of why the Collie Baba thing stung so bad was that he’s told the historical society he’d get the treasure for years only to come back empty handed, if shrunken. But he still manages to have a good time while Asok and Merlock infiltrate.. well I’mRunningOutofINsultingNIcknamesCanYouTell steals the silverware. Yes... that.. that really happens. 
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Look we’re almost done, i’m almost free of this racist mummies curse. Let’s continue. Gene sees melock and freaks and drags SCrooge with him and while at First Scrooge is cranky...
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No but now I want a Donkey Kong Country crossover too dammmit. And to talk about those games. Another thing for the list. But Scrooge is righ tot be a bit surly...
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Okay now your just pushing it. As Gene whisked him away without telling him anything other than vauge worries... but then he gets a full idea of why Gene’s so terrified when Merlock shapeshifts into a bear and starts breaking the door down. Eh, could be worse. 
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Gene shrinks them to escape and Merlock leaves thinking they fled but leaves Skids Minus Mudflap to go look for them. Scrooge sneaks out but bumps into a cart running from the photo you see when you look up stereotype on google. I mean I assume.. let’s try it. 
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Huh you know I HOPED but I never expected... 
So Google Proving My Point plans to give his lamp to the master because of his weird Torgo-Esque obession with helping a man who clearly wants to murder him but takes his sweet time doing so because plot, and Gene figuring this COULDN’T POSSIBLY go as bad as Melock getting him urges the dummy to keep him and make his own wishes.
This goes about as well as you’d expect....
Wiped Out With A Wish:
Scrooge returns home to find Watto has wished to take his poessions, fortune, everything and Scrooge gets thrown in jail for breaking into his own house. We get two great moments back to back. The first is Scrooge lamenting loosing his fortune in jail, and realizing the sheer power and risk of the lamp, especially since he worked hard to earn it, every bit of it.. and Sam Wilson’s 70′s Backstory came in and took it all in an instant. 
The second is Scrooge’s family coming for him, including Launchpad , Beakly and Webby obviously and bailing him out. Though Beakly is UNGOLDLY annoying in this scene, sobbing hysterically and adding nothing and it’s not nearly as funny as the  film thinks. Turns out Goliath getting buried wrapped in chains threw them out. 
Scrooge takes a bit to rebound from all this.. but eventually realizes something: he knows the security of the bin inside and out. He had it put in after all. So it’d be easy enough to break in. So they gotta break in to break out the lamp, undo this nightmare, and END THIS MOVIE. Seriously this review has taken two days  as is I do NOT want to miss my invincible review. 
So they break into the bin, and it’s a tightly paced Scene, scrooge going in one way while the kids go the other and we even get a nice callback as the marbels come in handy to get past one of the traps. It’s just a good scene. it’s only real flaw is that Launchapd just sorta disappears as does Duckworth despite the fact their in a plane, and the bin later gets turned into a floating castle. Kinda a plot hole to not have Launchpad crash in to save htem just saying. 
Scrooge eventually does get to Djonn, whose been ignoring the imminent threat of Merlock while Gene sweats it out... and this backfires horribly as Merlock hitched a ride as a roach (Though there was a hilarious scene of him getting fried constnatly by lasers when Louie went through a laser hallway, as while Louie had the directions, it dind’t take into account passengers on your head. 
So Merlock remanifests in full gets the Lamp and unleashes his wrath on Tin Tin in the Congo and turns him into a wild pig. 
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Not you sweetie. He then forces Gene to turn the castle into a fortress and float it back to his home in parts unknown. It’s a DAMN cool scene with impressive and horrifiing animation as the bin melts and crumbles into thte castle and the kids barely make it up the stares as they shift and disolve. Really top notch stuff.
Scrooge stands up to Merlock... and this naturally goes poorlyw ith Gene begging Merlock not to respond.. and Merlock having him blow scrooge off the top of the forgtess storm eagle style, though scrooge understands. And this is the true reason why scrooge being a dick didn’t bother me so much. Because it helps create a great contrast between him and Merlock. Both thought of Gene as a tool rather than a person.. but Scrooge grew to realize he was wrong and what he was dealing with wasn’t some magical goodies creator.. but a child forced to constantly grant wishes, in sheer agony to do so no less, likely so sick of it because again and again and again people used him as a slave to get what they wanted and to hell with what Gene wanted. He realized he was terrible for making this poor boy into his slave simply because that’s his job. In contrast Merlock could give no shits and is a malevolent monster who glefully uses Gene despite the pain the wishes put him through and his protests. It’s why Gene is the best part.. he’s  athroughly likeable, throughly inncoent character with tons of personality and a truly tragic and horrifying backstory and Rip Taylor acts the hell out of every scene with the guy. 
Thankfully the marbles come in handy one last time and Huey, Dewey or Louie snipes the lamp away and a struggle for it insues between Scrooge and Merloc mid air. it’s fucking awesome.. and it get sbetter in how scroogewins. He simply gets rid of Merlock’s amulet, taking it then throwing it. Grante dhe COULD’EVE used it for unimited wishes.. but it was too risky to do that and as we’ll see in the ending , Scrooge realized the Lamp was too powerful to keep around for much longer and too much of a tempting target for his rogues.. not that we see them this movie as the crew wanted it to bea ccesaible and thus kept hte cast to the main cast from season 1 and just made new vilians and a new supporting character, but still. 
He does use his second wish though to undue the damage Merlock had done and the bin and clan mcduck are returned to duckburg in good condition.
Time for our ending, which is genuinely and wholly touching. With the lamp too dangerous to use Scrooge considers just sending it to the earth’s core, which horrifies the kids as it’d mean Gene would be trapped there forever... if the molten lava iddn’t just outright destory the lamp and probably kill him. But Scrooge.. isn’t the bastard he likes to potray himself as. Instead he makes Gene into a real boy. He gives the poor kid HIS wish, which designrates the lamp and undoes all the spells... so Merlock is PROBABLY dead but he does return for some games so maybe not? 
And so we end on two things: Gene happily playing cops and robbers with the boys finally free.. and Birth of A Nation grabbing all the loot he can in his patns and running off. Ha ha ha thank god i’m done with this prick. And no I will not be looking at his ducktales episodes unless I have to. 
Final Thoughts:
This movie is OKAY. It has a solid plot, gene is a wonderful chacter, the animatoin is pretty prettay pretty good, and the voice acting as usual is excellent, with Rip Taylor being the standout. 
But as my paragraphs of rage shoud’ve made Clear Djonn is just BAD. Easily the worst character i’ve encountered in my year of reviewing and some of the worst writing i’ve ran into. And that writing includes a goblin man voyerstically forcing two teenagers to make out, making jokes about santa renaming himself Clem the sceneafter he tearfully confessed to letting the elves and ms. claus die, accidental transphobia via the u-men, and Bryan Lee O malley thinking we needed more than one volume of Julie Powers being around.  This was disgusting, even by 1990 standards and especially by 2021 standards and it drags the film down considerably. Without it the film is okay.. with it the film is just VERY hard to watch any time he pops up.  He made getting through the movie a nightmare and while I pause a lot becaue it’s a bad habbit I did so more simply because as I said earlier in the review I could not stand him. 
It makes it a hard film to recommend. If you can stomach the racisim, then it might be worth it, but be aware of what your putting up with going in. But if you can’t.. there’s no shame in that, it’s carbombya levels of bad. Which yes was a real fictoinal country. It was so bad Casey Casem quit transformers over it. True story. So yeah, it’s an okay film, on par with the series at it’s best for the most part.. but Djonn just spoils it for me. 
If you liked this review, like it, share it around that sort of thing and if you want MORE disney movie reviews, in addiiton to the goofy movie one later this month, if you help me hit my 25 dollar stretch goal on patroen.com/popculturebuffet, i’ll do reviews of the Recess, Proud Family and Kim Possible MOvies (Well so the drama anyway), so help me out would you and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.
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beafearless1 · 7 years
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Rory Gilmore’s Reading List
This is a collection of books mentioned or read on Gilmore Girls, minus travel and cooking books. Bold the ones you have read.
I have seen it in a lot of blogs and I don’t know which is the original, I’m sorry.
1984 by George Orwell The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank Archidamian War by Donald Kagan The Art of Fiction by Henry James The Art of War by Sun Tzu As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner Atonement by Ian McEwan Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy The Awakening by Kate Chopin Babe by Dick King-Smith Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie Bel Canto by Ann Patchett The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath Beloved by Toni Morrison Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney The Bhagava Gita The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy Brave New World by Aldous Huxley Brick Lane by Monica Ali Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner Candide by Voltaire The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer Carrie by Stephen King Catch-22 by Joseph Heller The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman Christine by Stephen King A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse The Collected Short Stories by Eudora Welty The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty by Eudora Welty A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare Complete Novels by Dawn Powell The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas père Cousin Bette by Honor’e de Balzac Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber The Crucible by Arthur Miller Cujo by Stephen King The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon Daisy Miller by Henry James Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D David Copperfield by Charles Dickens The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller Deenie by Judy Blume The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx The Divine Comedy by Dante The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells Don Quijote by Cervantes Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn Eloise by Kay Thompson Emily the Strange by Roger Reger Emma by Jane Austen Empire Falls by Richard Russo Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton Ethics by Spinoza Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves Eva Luna by Isabel Allende Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer Extravagance by Gary Krist Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson The Fellowship of the Ring: Book 1 of The Lord of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce Fletch by Gregory McDonald Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand Frankenstein by Mary Shelley Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut Gender Trouble by Judith Butler George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg Gidget by Fredrick Kohner Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford The Gospel According to Judy Bloom The Graduate by Charles Webb The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald Great Expectations by Charles Dickens The Group by Mary McCarthy Hamlet by William Shakespeare Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare Henry V by William Shakespeare High Fidelity by Nick Hornby The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss How the Light Gets in by M. J. Hyland Howl by Allen Gingsburg The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo The Iliad by Homer I’m with the Band by Pamela des Barres In Cold Blood by Truman Capote Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain The Jungle by Upton Sinclair Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken Life of Pi by Yann Martel The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen Little Women by Louisa May Alcott Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton Lord of the Flies by William Golding The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold The Love Story by Erich Segal Macbeth by William Shakespeare Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert The Manticore by Robertson Davies Marathon Man by William Goldman The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken The Merry Wives of Windsro by William Shakespeare The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides The Miracle Worker by William Gibson Moby Dick by Herman Melville The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich Night by Elie Wiesel Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck Old School by Tobias Wolff Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens On the Road by Jack Kerouac One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch by Alexander Solzhenitsyn One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan Oracle Night by Paul Auster Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood Othello by Shakespeare Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan Out of Africa by Isac Dineson The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton A Passage to India by E.M. Forster The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky Peyton Place by Grace Metalious The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen Property by Valerie Martin Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw Quattrocento by James Mckean A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin The Red Tent by Anita Diamant Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton Rita Hayworth by Stephen King Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert Roman Fever by Edith Wharton Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf A Room with a View by E. M. Forster Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi Sanctuary by William Faulkner Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen A Separate Peace by John Knowles Several Biographies of Winston Churchill Sexus by Henry Miller The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon Shane by Jack Shaefer The Shining by Stephen King Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut Small Island by Andrea Levy Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker Songbook by Nick Hornby The Sonnets by William Shakespeare Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning Sophie’s Choice by William Styron The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach The Story of My Life by Helen Keller A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams Stuart Little by E. B. White Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry Time and Again by Jack Finney The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith The Trial by Franz Kafka The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom Ulysses by James Joyce The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe Unless by Carol Shields Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett Walden by Henry David Thoreau Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
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quranisgreat · 7 years
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on being soft-mannered
Being soft-mannered is not an easy adjective to define, especially when adjectives are used to define other things. Yet, I believe that Quran delves into it and emphasizes it in many ways. With its inclusion, it becomes an obligation to understand the importance of being “soft-mannered.” Significantly, being soft-mannered is an important step to living a more Quranic life. 
Let’s clarify the term as much we we can first. One of Allah’s names, Halim, refers to being soft-mannered in a clear way. According to Wikipedia, Halim means “to be forbearing, mild, lenient, clement; to be forgiving, gentle, deliberate; to be leisurely in manner, not hasty; to be calm, serene; to manage one's temper; or to exhibit moderation.” In several ayets, we are reminded that Allah is Halim, as in 2:225:
Allah does not impose blame upon you for what is unintentional in your oaths, but He imposes blame upon you for what your hearts have earned. And Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.
Sahih
In the case of Allah, Halim also means pardoning the penalty or postponing it for sometime. In addition to the definition of Halim in Wikipedia, soft-mannered includes (at least in my mind) affectionate, loveful, not keeping grudge, not getting angry easily, and forgetting the mistakes and problems for good. In Turkish, I would use the term “yumuşak huylu” to define this adjective. 
Being soft-mannered is not only a name and feature of Allah but it also a exemplary feature of a number of prophets, whose stories are in Quran for us to take as models. In 37:101, Allah says that he gives İbrahim a forebearing boy, namely Ishak:
So We gave him good tidings of a forbearing boy.
Sahih
Similarly, in 19:12 and 13, Allah says about Yahya,
[ Allah ] said, "O John, take the Scripture with determination." And We gave him judgement [while yet] a boy
And affection from Us and purity, and he was fearing of Allah
Sahih
Likewise, in 18:87, the people of Suayb tell him that he is soft-mannered:  
They said, "O Shu'ayb, does your prayer command you that we should leave what our fathers worship or not do with our wealth what we please? Indeed, you are the forbearing, the discerning!"
Sahih
As I said, since prophets’ stories are told in Quran for us to take them as examples, seeing soft-mannered prophets should also lead us into being more soft-mannered. 
Prophets are not only defined as soft-mannered. Their behavior reveals that they are soft-mannered as well. First of all, they name their parents and children in a soft-mannered way. İbrahim refers to his father in a beautiful and soft-mannered way in 19:42-3-4-5, by saying,
[Mention] when he said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all?
O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path.
O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to the Most Merciful, disobedient.
"O my father! I fear lest a Penalty afflict thee from (Allah) Most Gracious, so that thou become to Satan a friend."
Sahih
This nice naming is despite the father’s insistence to reject Allah. In 37:102, İbrahim and his son refers to each other in a soft-mannered way, as well:
And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, he said, "O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think." He said, "O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the steadfast."
sahih
Moreover, in 12:4, Yusuf calls his father in a soft-mannered way as well: 
Behold! Joseph said to his father: "O my father! I did see eleven stars and the sun and the moon: I saw them prostrate themselves to me!"
Yusuf Ali
Naming is not the only area where prophets are soft-mannered. Other behavior is also revealing. In 9:114, Allah reveals us how İbrahim soft-mannered was, through his behavior to his father: 
And Abraham prayed for his father's forgiveness only because of a promise he had made to him. But when it became clear to him that he was an enemy to Allah, he dissociated himself from him: for Abraham was most tender-hearted, forbearing.
Yusuf Ali 
In other words, although his father did not believe in Allah, İbrahim prayed for his forgiveness, which shows how soft-mannered he is. In the same vein, in 3:159, Allah demonstrates how Muhammed soft-mannered is: 
It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (Their faults), and ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast Taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
Yusuf Ali
Put differently, our prophet deals gently with the people around him, like the prophets that came before them. Again, when İbrahim hears that the Lut clan is going to have some trouble, he prays to Allah for a solution. In 11:74-5-6, Allah says,
And when the fright had left Abraham and the good tidings had reached him, he began to argue with Us concerning the people of Lot.
Indeed, Abraham was forbearing, grieving and [frequently] returning [to Allah ].
[The angels said], "O Abraham, give up this [plea]. Indeed, the command of your Lord has come, and indeed, there will reach them a punishment that cannot be repelled."
Sahih 
In short, İbrahim was such a soft-mannered person that he prayed for the Lot clan, although they were doing bad things. Other prophets such as Noah also have similar experiences. In light of all this proof, why not take these prophets as an example? Most people are not aware of these ayets, unfortunately.  
In fact, Allah orders us to be soft-mannered in a more direct way. In 17:28, he orders us to treat our families in a soft-mannered way: 
And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness.
Yusuf Ali
This directive towards our parents can be extended, if we would like to bring peace to earth along the lines of Quran. For one thing, anyone who hears Quran should soften in heart and skin, as 38:23 says: 
Allah has revealed (from time to time) the most beautiful Message in the form of a Book, consistent with itself, (yet) repeating (its teaching in various aspects): the skins of those who fear their Lord tremble thereat; then their skins and their hearts do soften to the celebration of Allah's praises. Such is the guidance of Allah: He guides therewith whom He pleases, but such as Allah leaves to stray, can have none to guide. Yusuf Ali
What I learned is: if Allah orders us to be soft-mannered demonstrates us how to be soft-mannered, why are we still impatient, harsh and unforgiving still? What are we waiting for?
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