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preciadosbass · 1 month

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20/8/24 [4X DIYS — draft from yesterday, key + significant photos at end]

nobody asked, but regarding yesterdays journal - i actually went to sleep at 3 because i got distracted with patrick stump gifs. i was supposed to just be looking for a few blue coloured ones [raa having a colour themed blog is so annoying // there’s so many cute gifs of musicians that aren’t blue/black and i cant change the colour and therefor cant use them =(] but lost track of time. meaning i was absolutely exhausted when i woke up [8:30]

after waking up, i went outside to say goodmorning to boris and scrolled on scenemo/alt diy tiktoks until i got a message from N ‘apologising’ for yesterday. i say ‘apologising’ because i know they didn’t mean it, and they also said they deleted the photos of me immediately. which isn’t true as i saw them press the send button and then put their phone away. they wouldn’t have had time to delete them before whoever saw them, saw them. this means my mum has told her mum, which i’m super embarrassed about. i don’t like people knowing i’m upset about anything they’ve done/someone they know has done. i’m just still worried about it because i know those photos looked so bad and they sent them to so many people. and now, it dosent matter if they get rid of them because whoever those people were have already seen them. i’m so humiliated.

anyway, i carried on scrolling on scenemo/alt diytok until 10:40 when i finally got dressed while listening to my sleeping with sirens live cd. today i wore my purple asking alexandria shirt, a pair of striped purple and black tights, blue ripped shorts, knee high converse, my my chemical romance [danger days] zip up hoodie, my can tab bracelet, a falling in reverse bracelet, and dark blue skull bracelet, a two row studded cuff, diy kandi + elastic bracelet, sleeping with sirens and panic! at the disco bracelet, and last but not least a spiked kandi cuff. [photos at end]. i haven’t made kandi jewellery in a while because i’ve run out of beads, but once i start seeing my other prevision again, i’ll buy some more. today i’m going to reptile experience/possibly going on a long car ride with my dad so i can listen to music full blast without worrying about anyone hearing.

i couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s stupid photos/videos of me going around to strangers. i know it seems like i’m overreacting, but having photos taken of me is such a big deal in my mind and this whole situation makes me feel like the world is ending. i hate seeing my own face and knowing that other people do aswell. the thought itself disgusts me, i only like pictures of my outfit and sometimes that’s too much. after getting dressed, i did my hair and then went outside with boris at 11:20. the weather was being weird and one second it was boiling hot, and the other freezing. but that’s just the uk for you.

i stayed with him until 11:50 when me and my mum left to go out. boris has started meowing everytime i come out to see him and it’s really really cute. i also took a few videos of him before getting in the car. on the way to reptile experience, i listened to early fall out boy + american beauty/american psycho fall out boy, and a little bit of letterbox tradgedy. when we arrived, everyone was having their lunch so i went into the reptile room and said hi to boris #2 [the bearded dragon] and the other visible animals. i also took a few photos of various animals to put in this journal/this weeks recap [photos at end]. along with observing all the other stuff in the room, like the stuff for the horses/ponies.

once everyone in the other room had finished their food, me and my mum went out to the kitchen/sofa area where the rodents live. S [the lead crew member, she’s lovely], put out some ripped up pieces of newspaper and treats for rat enrichment and set all 4 on the table everyone was sat around. we were told not to pick them up [i think it’s because everyone apart from me was really young and rough with the animals], and just let them come to you. i watched as they had their snacks and scurried around the table and sofa that was just by where i was sat.

three came up to me all at once and hoarded around my bracelets. S said it was due to the shininess of the can tab one, and maybe the smell. i let the rats crawl over my arm/lap/wrist and took a few photos. while doing so one in particular kept on sniffing my phone camera lens so the videos look really silly XD — i took a few bits of the newspaper for an upcoming collage as i found a few paragraphs of writing about true crime and that’s one of my interests. [this feels weird to write, i just find the psychology aspect of it interesting]. once the rats were put away and the enrichment was cleaned up, S & A [the other crew member, the one that makes me feel sick of jealousy due to his looks etc] took out pinecones, some lard, and some birdseed.

i already knew what was coming so i moved my bracelets further up my arm and tied bits of string to a few secreted pinecones. we were then told that we were making bird feeders. i covered the pinecones in lard and then rolled it in a sunflower seed based mix as it had the darkest colours. i made five as S said i could make two for the farmer’s gate and three to take home, yipee // once i was done, i looked at a few of the drawings on the wall. a lot of them were illustrations of five nights at freddy’s animatronics. which gave me an idea to also draw animatronics on small bits of card and line them wherever there’s an empty part of my wall. at 1:40, we walked round to the farmer’s gate and hung the pinecones around the wood. [picture at end] S gave me two that had already been made by various people attending, so when we went back round to the buildings and it was time to leave i got to take home the five that id made!! we headed for home at 2:11 after thanking all the workers. on the way back i stopped off to get low cal boba [photo at end cuz it looks just as good as it was]

in the car, i sorted through the photos taken there into an instagram collage to add to the end of this journal + my weekly recap. [photo collages at end]. i also listened to quite a lot of panic! at the disco’s vices and virtues. we [me and my mum] arrived home at 3:20. i didn’t end up doing for the drive with my dad because it would’ve been around 7 hours in the car, and that’s too long for me to be away from boris in the car unless i’m going away. and even that’s a stretch. i stayed outside with boris until 3:50 when i decided i’m going to put up my bird feeder. i took the pinecones outside and called my mum out to try and work out where i should hang them/what i should hang them from. my mum spawned this plant holder thingy and asked me if it’d be any good. i didn’t have another option and it was an alright improvisation so i went into my room to work out what part of the garden’s bank i can see from through my window.

once i’d worked out a suitable place for it to go, i brought it up to the bank and supported the legs with a few bits of scrap wood planks. then i hung the five pinecones along the frame of the flowerpot part. [photo at end] i finished within -10 minutes and then went back inside to my room. when i first got in, i took my stuff out of my bag to give my dad his battery pack and accidentally got scrap bits of purple-like wood all over my bed. id snapped them up yesterday while at the creek for an idea i had. i thought i might aswell make it now, so collected them off my blanket and got my hot glue gun ready. the idea was to glue them around the metal tin that a candle rests in. which is stupid, because this particular wood is the most flammable in the uk so i most likely wouldn’t even be able to burn it. anyway, i collected a few more bits of stick from the garden and lined them around the tin. i finished at 4:30 and took a few pictures of the finished product. [photo at end]

once again, something else useless i settled on making, but at least it looks cute. i watched two youtube videos :[the rest of ‘Q&A time !!! :D’ by nico vamp, ‘a day in the life | fake 🩸 + pictures’ by maya malice, and then almost two more videos from the same youtuber [[‘a day in the life + randumness :3’, & ‘my problem with scenecore’.]] while listening to the last video listed, i made a collage with receipts from charity shopping on thursday + the bits of newspaper i collected today. i hid a secret message in there [its just ‘meow’, photo at the end] and put together the word ‘empierces.’ which means to pierce. get it? like pierce the veil? anyone?? [photo at end — finished at 6:35]

then i listened to the entirety of falling in reverse’s new album [again] — while doing so, i drew lolbit, RWQFSFASXC, and the puppet from five nights at freddy’s on some card. i put it along the side of my doorframe beside pictures of kellin quinn and pete wentz. [theyre so bad you don’t get a photo] then i went outside with boris at 7:35. he was being his usual polite and cute self and i could also tell he was very happy because he was dribbling at ton xp // he let himself in at 7:50 so i didn’t get to spend much time with him on the driveway, but i followed him inside, checked he had food, and wrote 4 paragraphs from this journal. after finishing that little bit of writing, i saw frank iero’s new instagram post + story like WTF IS GOING ON I FREAKED OUT. LIKE WHATS HAPPENING AT MIDNIGHT FRANK?? i went to see him [boris] again at 10 after looking through scenemo/alt tiktok and letting my phone charge a little.

he stayed out with him my for barely any time before he let himself inside to eat. i came inside with him, and during this one of my cousins pulled up to our house as he got me some of my safe food because otherwise i won’t have anything at all to eat tomorrow and it’ll be really easy to faint if the weather isn’t perfect. him and my mum spoke about the holiday that me and my immediate + extended family are going to. he left at 10:45 and then i had a bath. i usually don’t mention washing [etc] as it’s a boring thing to write about/the same everytime. its not like with the questions about boris or when i wake up because that changes. i’m just mentioning it today as there’s nothing i can fill in the spaces of this journal with.

then i collected a few green day [billie joe armstrong] gifs and went up to my sisters room because i swore she was playing the hello zepp saw themetune on keyboard. it turned out she was, i watched her play it and then came back downstairs again. while i was on the sofa, she started playing something else and asked me if i recognised it. it was numb by linkin park, but i got it to confused with another song of theirs that sounds similar at the start. i went up because she wanted me to watch her play it and she followed on the song with ‘centuries’ by fall out boy.

after she’d finished, i went back downstairs to get myself some icy water, speak to boris, and then do my teeth before having a nap. i put on a timer for 10 minutes because i said i’d check up on him every once in a while but when i woke up it was bright outside and my phone was in the same place i left it before my nap. it turned out i never woke up and never got to say goodnight to boris so i freaked out when i realised. i would’ve gone to sleep at 1.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

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