#alex has had so many more thoughts and whatnot than this was supposed to be lol

[onthewaytosomewhere]

Wednesdays are for WIPs

i feel like everyday is for WIPs lately since i have so many going but yes it's wednesday to that means posting about them not just attempting to slog through and get them done lol

thanks so much for the tags @anincompletelist @suseagull04 @itsmaybitheway @sophie1973 @heysweetheart-writes @magicandarchery @sunnysideprince @firenati0n @taste-thewaste @piratefalls @hgejfmw-hgejhsf - can't wait to go check out what ya posted today ❤️

so i'm sticking with this tzp inspired acd one 'gotta sign 'em all' as i need to get it out of my WIP folder and hopefully posting more here will make me write more - and figure out how to weave the past and present bits properly lol (YIKES!)

The first person to approach Alex is a newer resident from the shelter. Alex is helping her with her emancipation, and she has one of the copies of the book that Alex brought in a few weeks ago after hearing from Pez that the shelter was out of copies. He loves that Henry is so loved, and everyone wants to read his book. He hears so many places he goes how Henry’s book has spoken to them in some way. She walks over almost shyly, even though Alex is around her enough to know she’s definitely not. Still, he also knows there’s a difference between them talking at the shelter after school/work or on the way to or after court and now when there is a whole store full of people in just this one part of the store. He decides to help her out and says, “Hey, I see you got your copy of Henry’s book; glad ya got one before the vultures at that shelter swooped in.” She giggles and is almost instantly the girl Alex is used to, “ACD, now that I have my copy, I hear you do this thing, and I have a pen,” she opens the book and continues, “And look, here it’s the dedication page. Seriously you two are fucking saps; I read that damn thing when I got it; I almost lost all respect for you. I was drowning in so much sap knowing you go around sighing all over and signing your name to it.” Alex smiles as Pez nudges him from the next chair, laughing, “Are you sure you want me to sign it then? I wouldn’t want it to be too much sap for you.” “Bullshit, I need bragging rights. Do you know how many people at school will be going crazy when I say I collected the pair of signatures? It’s like getting some elite Pokemon card; I can ride off that fame for weeks.” Alex laughs and takes the book, “Well, I guess if it’s going for a good cause, I must.” He signs and hands it back, and she is off, back towards the group of kids she came with, with a parting, “Later, ACD.” She is no more than gone when June pipes up, “Jesus Christ, no wonder you get along so well with the kids at the shelter; they’re all just like you.” “I am much more mature than a bunch of teenagers-“ Alex gets out before being interrupted by Nora.

ok so it's tagging time and i hafta assume most the rest of ya have done this if ya were gonna but if i check to verify that it'll be even later so - i'm just a tagging and assuming there was an open tag if ya already did it and i'll probably find it lol ❤️ @adreamareads @agame-writes @bitbybitwrites @dragonflylady77 @duchessdepolignaca03 @england-would-fall @firstsprinces @forever-fixating @inexplicablymine @junebugclaremontdiaz @kiwiana-writes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @nocoastposts @priincebutt @stellarm @typicalopposite and well open tag for anyone who's even later than i am and wants to still do this lol

[subbyfoxelf]

[comic review] dark horse's the thing from another world comics (1991-93 & 2011)

the thing from another world (comic 1991-92) writer: chuck pfarrer artist: john b. higgins

struggle, until thought is lost–until dreams are lost–until time is lost– swallowed by the howling maw of antarctic night.

yeah, no, this is not good. it did absolutely nothing to justify its existence.

the only thing stopping me from declaring it a soulless cash grab is that the art is actually pretty fantastic, like i think quite a bit of effort went into it, but they just didn’t have a story to tell here. and to me, that is the absolutely one essential element you need to even bother with something like this. d-rank

the thing from another world: climate of fear (comic 1992) writer: john arcudi artists: jim w. somerville & brian garvey & robert jones

“i give up. i can’t do this anymore, i just can’t.”

this wasn’t great or anything, but it was definitely an improvement over the other one.

in this one mcready wakes up on a base in mainland argentina, and it’s honestly just pretty refreshing to at least have some new characters and something different going on. also there’s a huge herd of sheep on the base and obviously one of them gets infected and it’s very tragic but also aww sheep.

the first issue is probably the strongest one, overall this is just kind of okay, but “okay” is still a definite improvement. c-rank

the thing from another world: eternal vows (comic 1993) writer: dave devries artists: paul gulacy & dan davis

“the conflict between the memories of your human nature and the needs of your cells will take time to resolve. it hurts, but it will pass. and i will always be there for you. now that our blood has mixed, we live within each other. we are one. together. forever. ’til death do us part.”

whoa, dang, one of these was actually good! (and is apparently the most-hated of these. what the heck, guys?)

i knew this one had potential when i first heard about the concept. in this story, one of the things that survived the other two stories assimilates a couple and the pair of them just want to live quietly in a small coastal town, eating as many other humans as they need to to survive.

i don’t think this quite fits in with how the things were supposed to work in the movie, but i kind of don’t even care since we finally got a wholly original story in one of these comics. macready eventually shows up because i guess he’s some kind of thing hunter now, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense imo, but again i kind of don’t care!!

issue 3 has a truly iconic moment where one of the things is in human form but with tentacles going everywhere from her, and she licks up some human blood from one of her tentacles. it was weirdly sexy?

also, just when i was starting to think there wasn’t much more they could do in their current setting, issue 4 takes place mostly on a boat!

seriously, i can’t believe this is the most-hated one of these. it’s one of the best ones imo. and it’s largely self-contained so you can safely skip the other two stories and read this one on its own. b-rank

the thing from another world: questionable research (comic 1993) writer: edward martin iii artists: ted naifeh & w. “moose” baumann & alex niño

“you’ve thrown your sense of science, as well as your common sense, out the window.”

this one was much shorter than the others by virtue of being serialized in dark horse comics’ short-lived eponymous anthology series. it appeared in dark horse comics #13-16 alongside the likes of aliens and predator and whatnot, and each of the four parts was around half a dozen pages long. so if you put all of them together you get basically the length of a single issue.

still, this one was in a similar vein to eternal vows inasmuch as it featured wholly original characters. it’s also even more disconnected from the other comics, picking up with a research team investigating the destruction of the antarctic station from the movie. macready doesn’t even show up in this one!

it’s hard to compare this to the other comics given that it’s so much shorter, but it definitely fits in with the movie better than most of them, if that matters to you. but it manages to do so while still also telling a new story with a new group of characters, which is honestly how all of these should be approaching things in my opinion. macready is great, but having him survive the movie at all never really felt necessary to me. if you want to continue this story, you really should find another way to do it like this comic did. b-rank

the thing: the northman nightmare (comic 2011) writer: steve niles artist: patric reynolds

of all the lands they conquered, the icy mass to the north proved to be one of the vikings’ greatest challenges. unlike many of the lands they explored and settled, it was not the indigenous people who were the greatest threat. the enemy was the land itself.

i really loved the concept of this. the idea of a bunch of vikings facing off against one of the things in greenland had a lot of potential. but sadly this was totally phoned in.

i know this was a single issue but it doesn’t give anything time to breathe, you don’t get to know any of the characters at all, and at the end of the day i’m just not sure why i’m supposed to care even a little. the art was good, though? so there’s that i guess. d-rank

[walmartkaligaris]

⌜   CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER   |   buy me diamonds by bea miller, ravenclaw, estj   ⌟   ⏤   meet ANDREA PYRENA KALIGARIS ; a TWENTY year old who kind of resembles ALYCIA DEBNAM CAREY, don’t you think? they originally hailed from OLYMPUS (   ATHENS   ) where they lived with their parents, HERCULES & MEGARA (   HERCULES  ), but word is that they’ve been coming to terms with their mortality this past year. they’ve always been pretty AMBITIOUS & SELF-SUFFICIENT, but have gotten way more HEDONISTIC & DOMINATING since they woke up. maybe their power of WEATHER MANIPULATION & ENHANCED CONDITION can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stats HERE and her pinterest board HERE.

very EARLY in her life,                  it was too late.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings for infant death

you can check out andrea’s full bio HERE - there really isn’t that much to her. 

her parents never planned on another kid after alex, they got pregnant, megara went into labour prematurely, andrea wasn’t breathing when she was born. after extended efforts to try to save her, the drs gave up. LEGALLY, andrea was dead.

and then her mom made a deal with hades. as you do.

in exchange for andrea getting to live for twenty one years, hades was promised her immortal soul. megara thought that was a good trade at the time, lest she lose her daughter forever, and the contract was signed. cue the baby waking up and beginning to thrive, and everyone hailing her as a ‘miracle’.

needless to say, the fact that she has a dozen or so newspaper clippings talking about her miraculous turn as an infant, AND the fact that reporters would check in every five years or so with the kid that cheated death ... kind of went to andrea’s head.

not that like, anything else wouldn’t have. andrea was an INCREDIBLY spoiled child, and she had very few expectations placed upon her shoulders - unlike alex, who had them all.

she was always closest to megara. it was just how the cookie crumbled, and it probably had a great deal to do with how she was the only one to know the limitations on andrea’s life. she indulged her every whim and forgave her a lot of mistakes and whatnot over her childhood, lending to why andrea ultimately realized she could do... pretty much anything, and her mum would always champion on her behalf. on the flipside, her closeness with meg meant that she had little room left for hercules - and that, in combination with the fact that he really didn’t know what he was supposed to do as father of a little girl, meant that they... weren’t really close, at all. he certainly LOVED andrea, and mollycoddled her in her youth - but he saw through her in a way her mum didn’t, and likewise, responded to her in a way she wasn’t used to.

as for alex... - her older brother didn’t care for her, and andrea didn’t much care for him, either. it can certainly be said that they were HORRIBLY alike, but andrea was a great deal more entitled, something that alex didn’t have time for. the age difference, though slight, didn’t help - she was too young to be a peer, and he was too old to be of any interest to her. as a young child she perhaps wished she could follow him around, more, but she lost that as she got older and hit double digits. their relationship very soon became defined as alex being the ever popular one, first, and andrea hating that she could emulate that perfectly but always had to come SECOND. 

she belonged on olympus, or at least she thought as much. her grandfather doted on her in a way he didn’t, with alex, and it did wonders for her ego to know that her family were all GODS and she was descended from them. no one ever wanted anything more from andrea than what she could give, and she got very used, very quick, to always being able to sort of... get what she wanted, and be forgiven her faults. everything that made her a ‘bitch’ on earth made her a GODDESS, on olympus. of course she was better than mortals. it was in her blood.

she attended private schools her WHOLE life, and she made them into her own personal playgrounds. where she had gotten used to coming behind alex in social circles back home - her friends were often the siblings of alex’s friends, who had memories of the other before andrea had ever come along - she found that away from all of that, she could be her own person, outside of his name. it was an exciting time for her, and it was also kind of.. detrimental, really, to her being. all the traits she might have unlearned if she had been humbled simply became staples of her personality, once and for all, as people looked to her and were in AWE of her for the way in which she carried herself.

alex being signed to PSG coincided well with andrea finally having to begin attending university, and up until that point, she had always thought she would settle for the worst school - university college disney, in santa barbara - over attending the same one as him. with his leaving, she could finally go to walt disney university. the best of the best, for the best. you can kind of understand, then, why she felt she had made SOMETHING of a mistake when she arrived and realized that alex’s memory wasn’t easily forgotten. she hated walking down corridors and having to see pictures of him with his team. hated his name being on trophies. hated people hearing ‘kaligaris’ and thinking alexander, not ANDREA. i said she had an ego, man.

but it was a good school. and she had always prioritized herself, over anyone else. she wanted to be there, so through gritted teeth, she decided to make it work. no matter what.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : HEADCANONS trigger warnings for talk of death

the most serious of developments for andrea has been learning of her ultimate fate ; something that happened on her twentieth birthday. with no way of helping her daughter in sight, and feeling that it was no longer her place to hide it, megara told andrea the truth, and andrea... kinda lost her shit. she’s going to die, and she doesn’t want to. nobody does, i suppose, but she’s always loved herself a great deal, and always had DREAMS for her future that now she realizes are forever out of reach. her mum thought it would be a kindness, to give her something of life rather than her getting nothing ; but it was a selfish choice born from not wanting to lose her daughter, and andrea... doesn’t appreciate it, as much as she probably should. it wasn’t enough.

she used to beg her grandfather to create a pegasus for her, and after many years and her mother saying ‘no’ a couple hundred times, the family settled for allowing her a cat. he’s a five year old maine coon named milos, and he hates absolutely EVERYONE, including andrea most days - but in her eyes, he’s the most precious thing that exists.

alex is, admittedly, more famous than andrea as a signed player for the paris saint germain team. but andrea is more social media famous ; a fact that brings her a LOT of joy, and him a lot of chagrin. she amassed quite a following while she was still attending school in europe, both for the photos she would post on her instagram and her wit on twitter. it continued on to when she started attending wdu, with andrea making time for her social media accounts and ‘fans’, and becoming... something of an internet celebrity. she even has a youtube channel, though she doesn’t post on it half as much as she used to. it’s nice that in at least one place, alex is HER brother, not the other way around.

she cleans when she’s stressed. she wants to be another demigod that achieves godly status, no matter how long it takes. her nails are always painted white. she suffered from dyslexia as a child, and still does. she isn’t exactly the strongest person, even with enhanced condition, but she IS wickedly intelligent and has an iq pushing 165. i cld prob think of more but i dont want to.

SECTION THREE OF THREE : WANTED CONNECTIONS

can she uh ... have some friends ? andrea is still like, a horrible person, but she’s really... tryin. i guess. to be better. please

deep sigh. enemies too

exes ! rivals ! all the basic connects

ill do more lates

[davidmann95]

Could we get a DCEU One Million film?

…huh. That’s a prospect I have to admit I hadn’t considered in the slightest, and one that opens up some really interesting dimensions, ones not even explored in the original crossover.

When I’d thought in terms of a concrete future for the DC movies, my thoughts had always immediately turned to Kingdom Come. That’s sensible, right? A tragic, apocalyptic end to the age of heroes slathered in biblical allusions and set off by an ideological wedge driven between its most iconic heroes, with Alex Ross’s take on the Justice League clearly being the primary aesthetic influence on the DCEU taken from the actual source comics. Everybody fights over vaguely topical concerns, everyone’s framed as gods and they’re all very sad, there’s a gigantic spectacle ending in a tremendous bodycount, and while the ending is an optimistic one, it also ends the idea of superheroes as we’ve always known them, i.e. them dressing in those silly costumes and not grappling at length with their own geopolitcal implications. Hell, this book pioneered Superman brooding because he’s paralyzed with indecision over his place in the world as a symbol and Wonder Woman killing dudes with a sword; that those were deliberate contrasts meant to show how far astray they’d gone didn’t do jack shit considering this is the biggest comic those two have ever been at the center of. Obviously, if there’s any ultimate fate for the universe that would fit with the DCEU’s tonal, aesthetic, and character priorities and tie them all up in a nice bow, it would seem to be this one.

The issue is Justice League happened, and while it only rebooted the whole enterprise in terms of approach rather than continuity (aside from some lazy writing and/or creators throwing their arms up in the air and deciding “this take sucked, we’re going with a new one, deal with it”) - though a continuity component also seems to be coming to double-down on the new take anyway in Flashpoint, a pretty questionable decision at this point - it’s just not the same world anymore. Superman’s all Superman-ey, Batman occasionally cracks jokes, Flash is a goofball, John Williams and Danny Elfman music have taken back over, and with Wonder Woman as the new lead feature, the franchise as a whole seems to be pivoting towards more straightforward blockbuster fare rather than aiming far beyond its reach to try and make The Dark Knight multiplied by The Avengers with the guy behind 300 at the helm. In that context, all our heroes’ noble aspirations going to hell and climaxing in the US Government nuking a sizable portion of Superman’s friends seems significantly less like the inevitable outcome of the entire enterprise.

Assuming the original high concept stayed in place - Justice Legion Alpha travels back in time to get the primordial Justice League to celebrate something in the future, shit goes sideways - the surrounding context is different enough as to produce a totally different effect from the original series. The JLA of that book were old hands at travelling through space and time, and the idea that they’d have massive impact in centuries to come: Flash had a nephew from the 30th century, which Superman regularly commuted to after school as a kid. The idea behind One Million wasn’t what the idea of the 853rd century meant to those characters so much as DC as a whole: that everything turns out okay in the end. Here however, this is the first time these versions of the characters have dealt with anything remotely like this, and so they’re all going to be bringing a ton of emotional baggage into play. Wonder Woman, raised to venerate ancient myths and champions, sees herself reinterpreted as one; nerdy scared Flash learns he gives rise to the most prolific and storied superheroic lineage of all time; Cyborg finds his image smoothed over by the tide of history as another platonic champion rather than a guy who struggles with his body and isn’t sure how he feels about this whole superhero thing period; Aquaman having spent his life running from Atlantis is told he’s destined to become its greatest king; Batman after a career of relative obscurity who knows his end is close at hand and who probably thinks of himself as the guy who got the really important people together in spite of his fuck-ups learns his legacy is in fact acknowledged and maintained forever, even as at the same time he can barely restrain his horror at the idea of Batman always being needed. And Superman? He’s not comfortable with the expectation of godhood, and having literally risen from the dead to prevent hell on Earth means people in the DCEU would likely go from thinking “is he…a god?” to “Yes, yes he is God, this is self-evident and the commonly accepted understanding”. So humanity’s ultimate fate being to deliberately remake itself in his image is something he might not actually be altogether comfortable with. Even whether or not you go whole-hog with Superman living at the heart of a star and reviving Lois and Krypton at the end, or the teams collaborating across 83,000 years to create a computerized murder-sun with an insecurity complex, this brings enough to the table in terms of reconceptualizing the ‘heroes as gods’ vibe of the previous movies and introducing the legacy aspect of these characters in the biggest way possible to more than justify the bonkers conceit narratively.

Aside from that, there’s the practical bonuses; as with Guardians of the Galaxy for Marvel, this opens the door for doing bigger and weirder stuff in the other movies, especially since the implicit understanding is that everything weird in the 853rd century has or will have some antecedent in the present; hell, you could set up as many future movies as you wanted with throwaway lines about historical events that the League will eventually go through. Plus WB gets a whole new line of action figures and statues and whatnot out of it, and another gaggle of heroes to pad out the ranks when (or I suppose if at this point given how badly the original plans were clearly knocked off track) they try for their version of Crisis. So while the answer is that of course they’ll never do DC One Million - it’s entirely too ridiculous for them to countenance even now, and between the Legion of Doom, a potential showdown with the Suicide Squad, and Flashpoint (which has its own alternate versions of Justice League characters) there’re already several immediate concerns demanding to be attended to in a Justice League sequel, with Darkseid still an all likelihood waiting in the wings for a third if they make it that far at this point, plus it would sort of undercut the Legion if they ever decided to use them - I’d say that they could, and therefore should.

[ayalanaylo]

i’m really confused about the writing in supergirl?

and i’ve tried to google my confusion away, but it led me to places i didn’t intend to reach and tumblr searching is leading me to spoilers (which i don’t actually mind that much, but i’m here for meta answers that i don’t find).

mainly i’m just baffled by james olsen and all the romantic arcs.

i’m turning to tumblr’s fandom expertise for answers but i need you to understand my zero point ground before i ask any substantial q’s - i did not read any supergirl comics before (have read some dc in general and am a huge young justice fan, yes) so comparison to the source material means close to nothing for me. i generally don’t watch superhero related stuff. so why did i even start watching supergirl?

i’m just a Simple Gay™. yeah, i’ve been bombarded for the past year or so with supercop gifs and whatnot - and don’t get me wrong, i absolutely know i’m not going to get any gay content out of this show - but i have a bit of free time and thought i’d give this series a shot because it had wandered the realms of my mind for so long, thanks to tumblr supercop fanbase.

also regarding expectations - i did not expect this show to be a stellar example of top tier writing. i knew this is a light hearted, carefree show i’ll watch for simple fun, and that meets my expectations quite well. i’m not, per se, disappointed of the writing - not every damn piece of consumable media needs to be shakespearean poetry (and people who dismiss those things on the merit of that alone are missing so much, imo) - but it bothers me to the core when i recognize a poor written character being paraded on the plot lines. what i mean by that - a character that seems so meaningless still stands on a pedestal the creators of said character created for it. it’s like a curator putting up his son’s kindergarten crayon doodle on the fine arts exhibition - like, i get that you love your son, but my dude this is so out of place.

i’m 13 episodes in (more than half a season?) and i think this is really early to be frustrated with james olsen, given there are 3 seasons out, but i find myself not indifferent but annoyed with his character and how it affects this perplexed romantic hexagon arc. now, this is the time i worry the thought of ‘you’re only here for the gay’ to come up, so let me put up a disclaimer - the fact that i considered watching this show in the first place because of a non-existent gay ship doesn’t mean i don’t get to criticize an existent (and prominent, mind you) romantic arc. yes, i crave for lgbt content that is not complete crap in mainstream media, but there are so many written and showcased fictional couples i appreciate regardless the gender and\or sexual orientation of the characters involved. but it’s not ‘despite’, it’s because i’m a gay person who lives in a time of decent and even good lgbt romantic arcs representation that i find it very hard to be forgiving for poor written cis-het ones. it’s because lgbt people endured the years upon years of piss writing of lgbt characters in romantic arcs that were generally concluded with ‘this personality-less gay character 1′ and ‘this personality-less gay character 2′ should end up together on the merit of their dictated sexual orientation alone, that i find myself angry of lazy writing of cis-het ones that try to condition the viewer to ship two characters together because the script said they will touch hands and camera direction said to zoom on their face. this is not writing and properly developing a relationship between two characters this is directed instructions from the production down, as opposed to from the writing up.

after my supposed establishment of why i’m an Angry Lesbian™ about hetero ships writing i want to get to the nitty gritty - james olsen and the oh so many other problems with other characters.

i get characters crushing on each other, it’s got real cute potential, but can someone explain to me, enlighten me please - why do i get to live through cringe worthy anguished characters with a crush that doesn’t let me on anything other than ‘okay, i get that they’re attracted to each other’. what is their human connection based on and why the story didn’t bother showing me? because literally every scene he has with kara (that isn’t his given alone screen time or the professional ‘friends helping supergirl with mission’) is either him telling her about superman in the first episodes or him giving her this eyebrow-frown look while she talks. we know nothing about this character and his dialog doesn’t make him voluntarily informative about himself - how am i supposed to connect with him and understand that kara finds his personality endearing if i know zero facts about him as a human being? i know he’s a photographer and he knows superman. when lucy lane is introduced it’s because 1. she was there and he didn’t voluntarily let the viewers know who she is, and 2. she was there to serve the romantic weird entanglement and nothing more. what it did give us? some info about their brake up and life together - it is still nothing about james’ personality traits. i don’t want a sad back-story as much as i want a well rounded character in the present-story.

i was just brushing it off or groaning in frustration most of the time, but somewhere in the middle of season 1 (don’t remember exact episode) alex referred to james as kara’s family. that ticks so many tickey things in me - alex is her sister since she was 13, winn is her good friend for presumably all years she’s working at catco, and james arrived a week ago and suddenly he’s family because kara is crushing on him? no. no. no, story, you need to show me and explain to me in so much detail why a week-long crush is someone’s family along side an actual sister and a very good friend, you don’t tell me about it retrospectively.

and for the ever loving fuck why does he keep advancing on kara when he’s in a relationship with lucy? winn even acknowledges this verbally to his face (episode 12 i think) saying he can go get kara if he wanted to, that he just need to end things with lucy - yet he sees that as a sign to gather up the courage for romantic advancement right after the kara-adam brake up before talking with lucy? that’s a big nope.

and adam. oh, adam, sweet summer child. he really is just a harmless side character who crushes on kara, and she reciprocates, for about an episode and a half - and then comes the time in a superhero’s journey for ‘my identity is known and that puts people in my immediate surrounding in jeopardy’ - ... while she’s on a date with adam? don’t get me wrong, it’s all fine, but it’s just fine. why did this moment have to come when our main hero is in a barely second date relationship? the brake up literally meant nothing to me because we had no time to get to know adam. who is he? he was there to advance cat’s character, we didn’t learn anything about him in his screen time that wasn’t already told to us by cat. we know 1. what cat told kara (that was confirmed in his screen time), and 2. that he thinks kara is amazing. all he talks about is her, never himself. i know gurnisht about this character - why should i care about him when kara brakes things up?

and then we have *spooky voice* the friendzoned guy. first, can someone please make this phrase disappear from existence, yet second, while winn is written with some mistakes (using ‘friendzone’, kissing without confirming mutual feelings) - he is the most developed character of this disastrous romantic blah and he is written is such way that makes me care about him. kara doesn’t reciprocates his feelings? fine and valid, i just wish i could care about who she likes because they would be rounded developed characters as the ones she doesn’t.

in conclusion - please explain to me why should i ship a guy-character and a girl-character if their only connection is shared screen time and not the blessed character and relationship development a lot of lgbt ships get on mainstream media recently?

*banging pots and pans* I’M A GAY WHO’S PRO WELL DEVELOPED HETERO-SHIPS.

[groovyzombiellama]

The Story

(I know I promised this imagine earlier, but I got a little lost in the plot and finally found my way out)

Title: The Story Requested? No. Plot: You are an actress on Vikings and dating Alex Høgh Andersen, and your relationship is going pretty well, until the fans get watch the latest Danish project he’s in and it seems you two had split. But is it true? Warnings: None. Word count: 1597

---***---

“I love this story.” Alex said and one half of the crowd laughed at his facial expression as he widened his eyes like the story of how I got on VIkings is the most exciting story in the world, as the other half awwed. I smiled at him and continued. “Anyway, as I was saying, I was on vacation in Ireland, and walking around one day, I saw that there was an audition taking place in one building I walked by.” But my story really wasn’t that interesting. I went on, talking about how, for same strange reason, my gut was telling me I should just give it a shot. And it turned out to be an audition for my favourite tv show Vikings. At the time, I was a little overweight, but I had the feeling I’ve come to know as a student at college. A couple of times, even though I wasn’t spending much time studying, I had a strong feeling that I was still going to pass my exam, and no matter what I did, it wouldn’t go away. Sure I was nervous before the exam, but that feeling was what kept me from losing my mind, and in the end it turned out to be true and I would pass my exam.

That same feeling was in my heart as I walked into the room where the auditin was held. I knew that my weight would be a problem, but I went in there with my head held high. To my surprise, not just the director was present, but also a familiar face I’ve been falling in love with for a really long time. I pointed to Alex sitting next to me as I titled him that. His beautiful smile shined the room and warmed my heart, and I continued talking. “I was incredibly nervous. I thought I was gonna pass out right than and there, but I tried keeping my cool as much as I could as I was handed the paper for the scene I’m supposed to try and act out. I was shocked to actually be getting the paper, instead of them saying I’m not what they are looking for.” And the scene was that I needed to convince Ivar that he was not a cripple, but a strong and powerful viking. And I did it. I poured all of my emotions into it, everything that was building up over the time I’ve spent watching him feel bad for himself. I placed my hand on his cheek and recited about how his legs were an advantage and how he just didn’t find a way to work around it yet, but that I know he will. That I think he is special and that I love him just the way he is.

My eyes started tearing up a little as I continued to give him he pep talk the scene required, and suddenly, I felt a pair of lips on mine. At first I was shocked, but soon I gave into the kiss. To think that I dreamed about kissing him many times and doubting myself that he would actually care about me at all. The bad image of myslef I allowed the society to put in my head acting up and my belief I don’t deserve love acting up again. But now we were here, face to face, lips attached, love filling the air. Once we pulled away, I looked at Alex in disbelief. All my life I’ve thought no guy was ever going to be taking an interest in me, because of my weight, and I just got spontaneously kissed by the most beautiful man I’ve ever layed my eyes on. Maybe that was the thing. I was looking for a guy and I found a man. Alex apologised for the kiss, and said he let the moment take over, but I assured him it was fine. My jaw dropped when they said I actually got the part. “And of course, after a couple months of intense training, I finally fot where I’ve been trying to be all my life, but I never had enough motivation. And all it took was having the opportunity to do the job that I love and this tall, handsome drink of water. Not too much, huh?”

I joked as the crowd laughed with me, turning into more awwes when Alex leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek. I know I’m incredibly lucky to have him in my life, and it means all the bullying in school and being rejected by friends and not even looked at by boys was worth it, because I finally realised why it never worked out with anyone else, and they made me the warrior I am today, not just on the show, but in real life too. On the show, I play Ivar’s love interest, so Alex and I don’t really have to act out our kisses and hugs. The spontanious giggles I let out are 100% natural, as Alex loves to tickle my sides as we are kissing, and they decided to keep them in the show after the final cut. Several fans asked Alexander and Gustaf a question, Katheryn later being asked how I fit in to the cast, and as she was talking about how professional I am and kind and whatnot and I was hardcore blushing, we noticed a man dressed in a fox costume, walking over to us, holding a shield for us to sign. We disredarded it, thinking it was a fan, but he was for some reason let on stage and hugged Katheryn from behind. I was confused to what was going on and Alex and I exchanged glances.

Next thing I know, Alexander Ludwig pulled off the head of the costume to reveal Travis Fimmel. I couldn’t believe my eyes, he was really there. I haven’t officialy met him, because I joined the cast after his character’s on schene death, but I have really grown to love him as a character and an actor. He definitely lighted up Comic-Con, but my favourite part was when he read off Alexander’s phone number. “I didn’t want to tell anyone, but the reason why they chose you for the role was because the character was written for you.” Alex surprised me on our way home. I was confused, but he explained he saw the messages I had been sending to him for some time, on Instagram, when I was feeling down or just thinking about him. My face immediately turned blood red, but he kissed it away, saying that was the first step in falling in love with me. I cuddled up to him when he hit me with another shocker. He asked me to be in one of his Danish projects. I swear, this man is spoiling me. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, seeing through all my insecurities and in the end I agreed.

“You are seriously gonna go to New York and miss your best friend’s wedding?! You are the best man!” The cameras rolled as Alex and I were arguing. They were following us everywhere, mostly Alex, but me too when I was around. He had just got a chance to meet with Spilberg and see if he would truly be cast in one of his newest movies. On the other hand, on that exact day, his best friend who he knows ever since he was 4 was getting married. I spit lava, he spit flames. I couldn’t believe he was going to abandon his best friend in the moment he needs him the most. We argued for a few moments until Alex spit the hottest and most damaging flame at me. “You don’t understand me, you never have and you never will. Dating you was the biggest mistake of my life.” I stopped shouting, my body going numb. That was the worst thing he could have ever said to me. My open palm flew across his face and I walked away, tears streaming down my face. And that was the end, he left to New York and I went to grab a few of my stuff I had at his place in Dublin and got on a plane to Miami, where I had an apartment.

A few weeks passed and neither Alex or I had posted about each other on any social media, and my inbox on Instagram was filled with fan messages about why season 6 of Vikings was cancelled and why Alex and I don’t give our relationship another shot. I smiled at all of the fans who actually supported our relationship and decided to finally post. I took a screenshot of my FaceTime with Alex, both of us smiling and posted it. In the caption I wrote that we don’t actually have the info about season 6 and that we didn’t really break up. I explained it was a part of a project only based on real people, but scripted. Alex and I breaking up was only a part of the fictional project, the lines we said were writted for the project, but the base was real people. “I’m so happy so many people support us.” I said to Alex as I saw the amount of fans sharing their relief we were still dating in the comments. He smiled and said he was glad they loved me, but no one will ever love me as much as he does. The effect he has on me I swear. My adorable, powerful viking.

---***---

Hope you like it, the words are from the heart and if you ever need someone to talk to, message me. I’ve been bullied in school, but I’m in the process of loving myself, so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to let me know, it doesn’t need to be and imagine request, we can just talk, be friends. <3

Tags: @imagine-this-motherfucker

[rockrevoltmagazine]

PSYCHOSTICK'S Alex Dontre Talks New Music, Future Academic Plans, Salty Fish, & Alien Anthropology!

So PSYCHOSTICK has long held a top position in the music parody world, and the explosion of their Christmas 2019 adventure, “Zombie Claus,” proved that they’re planning to hold that spot for a long time to come. But is there more to the rowdy Chicago crew than just boobs, beer, and dogs with socks? We sat down with drummer Alex Dontre, who this holiday season also released his debut autobiographical tome, Dichotomies: Lessons from a College Life to get the scoop!

First things first, thank you for taking the time to talk with us. How was your 2019 Holiday Season with the new single and book releasing?

Certainly! My holiday was great up in the Toronto area. I visited my girlfriend’s parents and whatnot. They hail from Newfoundland, so I got to try some awesome new foods like Newfie Figgy Duff! It’s a real thing, I swear. I also tried salted cod, which was intense! I’m not sure my desert bones are made for salty fishes.

As for everything else, it has been an especially busy year for me. My friend Tommy from URIZEN told me I should write a book a few years ago. It sounded fun, but I wasn’t sure what to write about, so I didn’t put much additional thought into it. Then in October of 2019 I just decided to blast through and finished writing the initial draft in 10 days. Around the same time, Psychostick was recording our holiday parody for the year and filming the video. Then November hit and we looked especially productive!

Where did the idea for “Zombie Claus” come from? What inspired the satirizing of such an iconic Rob Zombie song with those particular lyrics?

I really can’t remember! We were in the van and someone started singing it. That narrows it down, I suppose. It wasn’t me! Maybe I should make up a fun story instead. It’s tough to answer questions about inspiration because it’s usually very subtle and doesn’t make for a wacky tale.

The video seemed to be EVERYWHERE online between Thanksgiving and Christmas, how was the fan reaction to this release versus your previous Christmas parodies?

This one was really great! It’s funny, our fans are very supportive of most anything we do. We aren’t really going to hear from people, “Well, this year’s video sucks…try again.” Instead, it’s more the frequency of just how many people are talking about it. That seems to be a better judge. However, it’s also good to ask family because they’ll be real with you. For instance, Matty’s mom likes mostly all of the holiday songs we’ve done, although there was one she did NOT care for. When we put out “Oh Tannenbaum,” she wasn’t particularly thrilled to see her son creepily humping a wreath with a tree.

What is your bucket list song to parody?

Parodies are fun to do in the moment, but they don’t have any big emotional payoff to them. So I don’t have a bucket list. I have a couple of cover songs I would love to do, however. A super heavy version of “The Cat With 2 Heads!” by The Aquabats would be awesome. I would need to practice a lot if I want to get that drum part down, yikes!

You also released an autobiography, Dichotomies, around Thanksgiving, tell us a little bit about the book and what fans can expect reading it? Not asking for spoilers, but what is the essential take away?

I certainly did! Actually, it’s more of a story that traversed several years than an autobiography. I don’t talk about how I was a gross kid or anything. Instead, it starts in 2011 when I enrolled in college for the first time while I was on tour. It goes from there and documents the many insane things that happened up to my graduation with my master’s degree in Business Psychology in 2017. I know that’s a huge spoiler, but if I didn’t graduate, the story wouldn’t really make any sense! In any case, I blasted through over 50 classes in that span of time, and Psychostick played over 500 shows in North America and the UK. The goal (in part) in writing it was to share a lot of fun things I learned. I talk about finance, economics, philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, you name it. I also want to convey the idea that everyone is busy. If you have a goal in mind but are apprehensive about giving it a shot, my story is proof that with enough drive and commitment, you can accomplish whatever you’d like.

Over the course of your career, you’ve intermingled Rockstar lifestyle with college student responsibilities and writer goals, how did you balance those very different roles?

Ha! The preface of Dichotomies actually addresses this “rockstar” idea. In my view, I’m not a rockstar. There are too many pretentious connotations. I’m just a musician. In any case, that is exactly what the book is about. I’m not content simply being one thing, and one thing only. I have lots of interests and hobbies that I choose to pursue, but far too often, people assume we all need to just be one thing. I am not just a drummer any more than I’m just an academic. I choose to carve out time in my daily life to accommodate both, much in the way I carve out time to eat and sleep.

Can fans expect future books? If yes, will you be sticking in non-fiction or will you go into any other genres?

Almost certainly, yes! It was a lot of fun to compose, so I am currently developing some other ideas. I don’t have any plans for fiction at this point, although I love sci-fi. One book idea is to write a non-fiction explanation of various human things told from a space alien’s perspective. I had this idea of a cultural anthropologist explaining to his alien peers about all the bizarre human things like economics or sociology…from an alien perspective. Something like, “The water bags assign value to colorful pieces of paper and trade them in irrational ways. Sometimes, they imagine the value of worthless items on display increases due to something they call a ‘sale.’ During this ‘sale,’ they eagerly dispense a disproportionate amount of their colored paper on items that are seemingly worthless. They then discard the items in their ceiling closets within a few lunar cycles. Avoid visiting the planet during their annual tumultuous season known as The Holidays.”  

Finally, what can fans expect from both you and Psychostick in 2020? Any live shows or new music in the works?

Yes to both! We are currently finalizing a few weekend shows in various areas around the country. We don’t have plans for any extensive touring right now, so we’re doing more regional shows instead. As for recording, there is always something in the works! I’m actually planning to record something this weekend. Plus, we just announced that I will be filling in on drums for the band Dog Fashion Disco, on tour in June! They are a great group of humans, so it should be a blast.

There you have it, now go check out “Zombie Claus,” if you haven’t already, and grab a copy of Dichotomies, online now!

Purchase Dichotomies Online: Hardcover & Paperback United States: Psychostick, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & Powell’s Canada: Amazon.ca &Indigo Mexico: Amazon.com.mx Brazil: Amazon.com.br United Kingdom: Amazon.co.uk & Blackwell’s Netherlands: Amazon.nl & Bol Germany: Amazon.de Denmark: Saxo France: Amazon.fr Italy: Amazon.it Spain: Amazon.es & Agapea Australia: Amazon AU & Fishpond New Zealand: Fishpond Japan: Amazon.co.jp Singapore: Amazon.sp United Arab Emirates: Amazon.ae

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PSYCHOSTICK’S Alex Dontre Talks New Music, Future Academic Plans, Salty Fish, & Alien Anthropology! was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

[garbagefootball17776-blog]

Episode 7843 Transcript

B: This is Garbage Football, the podcast dedicated to dredging up the worst of football’s long history.  This is brought to you by myself, [name] and my co-host here, [name].

C: Yes! And today we’ve got a good one for you.

B: That we do.  Now if anyone remembers Game 96249 (nine six two four nine) that our colleagues Roger and Thuy talked about a couple weeks back, this one might ring some bells.  

C: Yes, though personally I think the differences are what makes it fantastic.

B: Of course, of course.  Well this game is another one which has been going on for a very long time, game number 100423 (hundred four two three).  This started a couple years after 96249 (nine six two four nine), before they realised quite how terrible an idea that one was and other people wanted to get in on the action.

C: Right, but of course, they knew they couldn’t just copy the rules of 96249 (nine six two four three), so the thing they thought would be an interesting addition?  The game restarts at every ball loss.

B: Sounds like a terrible idea, doesn’t it?  I can see this and I’m sure plenty of our audience can see that, so I’m not quite sure why they thought it was a good idea, but there we have it.  There are a couple other rules differences (different from even base football even) which are going to become particularly relevant, and interesting, later on.

C: Right.  So we have our two teams, each of eleven players and they’ve got themselves on either side of a mountain range.  Mountain ranges seem to be somewhat of a trend for games during this period, don’t they? B: Yeah, all games 97000 (ninety seven thousand) through 100100 (hundred thousand and a hundred) at least were over mountain ranges, if I remember correctly.

C: Apart from game 99452 (nine nine four five two) of course.

B: Yeah, apart from that one.  Have we talked about that one yet on the podcast? C: I don’t think so.  I’ll be sure to write that down.  For anyone who isn’t in the know, look up 99452 (nine nine four five two).  I don’t want to spoil it but, trust me, you won’t regret it.

B: You won’t.

C: So we have our two teams either side of a mountain range, and they’re getting ready to go. B: Which teams was it again.

C: Did I not mention? B: Nope.

C: Oh, silly me.  So we’re on either side of the Appalachians, West Virginia against Pennsylvania, mountains cutting north-east to south-west across.

B: Alleghenies was it? C: Those are the ones.  So you’ve got West Virginia to the south and Pennsylvania to the north and cutting across the play area in the middle is Maryland.

B: So you’ve got these two teams and play stars with Pennsylvania in the north and they’re trying to get across the mountain range down into West Virginian territory.  Can’t remember for the life of me where the end lines where but that’s not quite relevant to the core of the game.  Point is, they get into the mountains and in short time the Pennsylvania player carrying the ball gets tackled and play passes to West Virginia.  So the game resets.

C: For anyone who doesn’t remember, in 96249 (nine six two four three) had a standard old-football width field and 100423 (hundred four two three) is doing the same thing here so it turns out it’s not too hard to find the attacker in the middle of a mountain range.

B: Yeah, so the exchange happens and then the game resets and it takes an excessive amount of time for the players to get back to their starting zones for whatever reason.  This happens quite a lot over the course of the next, maybe century? C: Two.  I think it was two.

B: Let’s say two then.  So over the next two centuries, they played this pretty boring monotone game.  And then one day, someone on the West Virginian team gets bored of the walk back (they’re going by old football rules on this so they’re hiking all the way forward and back, or so they think) and so they just grab a van from a nearby garage and the whole team gets a ride home. C: Seems pretty normal, right?  But of course, Pennsylvania thinks that that stuff isn’t in the rules and there’s a little bit of a fuss for a couple decades and play kind of stops while they argue this out.  It eventually resolves when someone realises that, no, there’s not actually any rules against using vehicles.

B: Or a whole other bunch of things, as it turns out.

C: Right.  So next play, instead of trying to run across the country, Pennsylvania just gets a car and sends one player out across the mountains, hoping that the other team won’t be able to catch them.

B: Right.  But of course, this doesn’t work.

C: Nope, West Virginia just rams ‘em.

B: Rams ‘em.

C: Rams ‘em right in the side.  Pennsylvania’s car rolls over, nanos drag the guy out and he gets tackled immediately.

B: There were a lot celebrations on West Virginia’s side that night for sure.

C: Sure were.  I don’t think, what’s her name, Alex was it?  I don’t think she’s playing 100423 anymore, but she’s gone on to do some real great things.

B: I’ll be sure to look into her record later.

C: I definitely encourage it.

B: So the car thing.

C: Yeah.  So this is where 100423 (hundred four two three) gets interesting.  Because you see a lot of this stuff in your standard football game, right?  The cars and whatnot.  But then it just starts scaling and scaling and you’ve gotta remember that they’re doing this whole thing in a space no wider than an old football field.  And they do carry the car thing on for quite a while.

B: My favourite has got to be when they started using those landspeed record cars and just not stopping for the whole way.  I think Pennsylvania countered that with a wall or something?

C: Yep, wall right across the field.  Totally legal.  That’s was pretty much the end of the car era.  West Virginia tried to jump it if I remember correctly, tried to ramp off something like in one of those old video games but it just didn’t work out.  I do have a different favourite, if you’ll let me talk about it.

B: Go ahead.

C: So this is maybe 500 or something years into the game.

B: So the car thing’s been going on for like 3 centuries now? C: Yeah. They tried a lot of stuff.  Really resistant to change really and kept trying to do the same thing over and over.  Kind of pointless but I think they got kicks out of it.  Anyway, Pennsylvania has the ball and their last attempt was some lone speed thing which just got wrecked by a speed bump, funnily enough.

B: Didn’t think they even worked that well.

C: At 200 miles per hour they’re less a suggestion than a punishment.

B: Ha, I suppose they would be.  I imagine it was a hell of a wreck.

C: Oh, it was.  Anyway, Pennsylvania have had it with the speed demon approach, it’s just not working out for them.  So what do they do? B: Do tell.

C: Convoy.

B: What?

C: So they got this super heavily armoured, like proper military grade stuff, super heavily armoured truck, surround it by a bunch more trucks and then they head off to make their way through the mountains.

B: What the fuck.

C: Yeah! They’re going at like 20 miles an hour but it’s fucking working, which is what really gets me about it.  And like if you think about it, it totally makes sense that it would work, like, what’s West Virginia going to do about it? B: What did they do? C: Fuck all.  At least for the first time.  Pennsylvania actually managed to score.

B: How many times had that happened this game?

C: First time.

B: Jesus.  What a strategy.

C: Yeah.  Wonderful idea.  To be honest, I’m surprised they didn’t come up with it earlier.  Though there have been rumours that they were just sitting around on the idea for quite some time and were just waiting stalling for it.

B: I guess they wanted to play for as long as possible.  One of those games.

C: Yeah, definitely one of those games.  I think I remember seeing some interviews with players from the game and they were really very attached to it.  Like one would have been attached to a child back in the old days.

B: Those games always confuse me.  I don’t really understand how someone could get that attached to something.

C: I don’t know, I think it makes sense to me.  I mean, they’ve watched this thing grow for hundreds of years.  Surely they’d get attached to it after that long.

B: I suppose.  But a lot of people play a lot of long games and they don’t get attached in the same way. C: I guess it varies from player to player. B: I guess it does.  Anyway, how did West Virginia respond? C: Called in a military company.

B: They were allowed to do that?

C: Yep.  So basically you’ve got all these vehicles in the convoy and what the West Virginians realised is that these vehicles, they aren’t actually part of the game.  And if they’re not part of the game, there’s no rules stopping them from getting outside forces to interfere with the vehicles.

B: And? C: Military company straight fucked their shit up.

B: Know any specifics? C: They got some long range anti-vehicle weaponry and just blew up a shit ton of the trucks in the convoy.  Nanos pulled the players out and the West Virginians dove in for the tackle, resetting the game.

B: That’s one hell of a play.

C: Sure is, though it’s nothing compared to some of the other stuff that comes up in this game.

B: They tried out a lot of crap, didn’t they? C: Yeah, way too much for us to cover right now.

B: Highlights? C: Sounds good.

B: So I have three words for you.

C: I think I can guess what they are.

B: Giant. Human. Cannons.

C: Oh jesus.

B: This has got to be my favourite thing they tried to pull off.

C: I’ll let you go over this one.  It’s fun to listen to, listeners, trust me.

B: Yeah.  So you know they’ve got that cannon they use for that 500 game that’s going on over the whole continent?  Yeah, so it turns out it’s not actually that hard to set something like that up.  It also turns out that it’s totally possible to build one big enough to fit a person in.  So West Virginia has this idea, right, that they’re just going to build a giant cannon and then shoot a player out of it and then they’ll just aim it across the line at the other end zone and score the point.  So they spend quite a while building this, playing the rounds as normal and not much happens in the game itself.

C: During the plane era or something, wasn’t it?

B: Right.  That turned out not to be a particularly effective strategy, but they kept at it regardless.  Weird, really.  Anyway, West Virginia has built this giant cannon and they reveal it with this grand flourish and less than 3 minutes later they’ve scored a point for what must be the first time in 1000 years or something like that.  And then this just continues, because Pennsylvania?  They ain’t got a response for it.  This is the fastest period of scoring that West Virginia gets in the whole game, pretty nuts really.

C: Pennsylvania had to come up with some way of defending against it though, right? B: Of course.  The game lasted for a really long time.

C: Right.  So what’d they do? B: I think it’s funny to look at this from Pennsylvania’s view.  There’s even some camera footage if I remember.  They all start running from the line and then you can just see a dot in the sky above and then it gets bigger and bigger and if you look hard enough you realise that, yeah, that’s a person! I think the first time it happened, the whole Pennsylvania team just stopped in their tracks and watched in awe as the West Virginia player plummeted into the end zone.  By the fifth time this happened, they’d stopped even trying to run towards West Virginia and just waited around their end zone.  I guess they were hoping someone would catch the West Virginia player or something.  For a long time it seemed like West Virginia were going to win, when they got the ball off Pennsylvania, who kept trying to hide the ball for as long as possible.  They managed to drag that out for a couple decades at least.  Turns out the mountains are really good places for hiding things.  The chapter finally comes to a close when the Pennsylvania team realises that they can totally just build a giant net over their end zone, catch the West Virginia player and then reset the game.  And this is all of course totally within the rules of Old Football, since no one expected players to be flying through the air kilometres off the ground. C: They were really missing out.  Do you ever go back to watch  any of that old football though? B: Of course! I think modern football is much better of course, but it’s amazing to see the origins of the thing, like you’re going back in time almost.

C: Yeah!  I was thinking the same thing.  The games back then were so fast as well, it’s exciting to be able to sit down and watch a whole football game in one sitting.  I’ve even gotten a big group of people together and we watched it together, like my parents used to do back in the day.

B: And you didn’t invite me!

C: Well it was a spur of the moment thing.  I’ll invite you to come around next time!

B: Alright, thanks!  I look forward to it.  Now, back to the game.

C: Yes, back to the game.  Though I think we ought to be wrapping up soon? B: Oh god, yeah.  I guess we should go over how the game ended then? C: Sounds good to me.  So, unlike Game 96249, this game actually did end.

B: And it won’t be as exciting as you think.

C: Nope, it really isn’t.  You have this game that lasted for maybe 7000 years total, and then it ended in something like a year.

B: Real quick.

C: Yeah, real quick.  And it all basically boils down to West Virginia’s rocket idea.

B: Yeah, so what happened is that they figured that even if the cannon idea didn’t work, nothing that Pennsylvania built could withstand a significant force beating down on them at once.  So what they did is they used some of the old missile technology from god knows how long ago and built a whole array.  They strapped a player to one, almost cartoon-like if you ask me, and then just fired it at the Pennsylvanian end zone.  And like, what can the Pennsylvanians do to respond to that?  Their net didn’t work and so West Virginia just started racking up points one after the other and there was basically nothing that Pennsylvania could do about it.

C: They tried stalling for a bit didn’t they? B: Yeah, stalled and tried to build a bunker or something but because the lines of play are so close together, it’s impossible to hide for long enough to build up the appropriate defenses against what West Virginia was doing.

C: At least, impossible after they figured out and found all the best hiding places millennia earlier in the game.

B: Yeah of course.  Like I said earlier, mountain ranges are great hiding places, but there’s only so many hiding places and by this point in the game they were really running low.

C: So West Virginia just wins, then? B: Basically.  Pennsylvania didn’t even stand a chance.  They’d been at a disadvantage for a large part of the game.

C: Apart from the underground era.

B: Yeah, apart from that, obviously.  But they’d been trailing behind and honestly I was hoping for them to catch up, but they never really did.

C: West Virginia did have some fantastic engineers on their team though.

B: That’s very true.  It’s very easy to argue that that was what won them the game.  Very anticlimactic though, unfortunately.

C: Very true, very true.

B:  Anyway, that wraps it up for the game.  I think we have just long enough to give our thoughts on it and then we’re going to have to finish up.

C: Right.  Personally, I really enjoyed this one.  The concept was pretty ridiculous at the beginning and I was expecting for something excessively boring like 96249, but what we got was almost exciting.  Makes you wonder whether it really deserves to be on the podcast.

B: Perhaps, but we’ve already recorded the episode now! C: That is very true.  So what did you think of it?

B: I also enjoyed it, though like I said I think I was hoping for a closer game. C: Shame really, though personally I was rooting for West Virginia the whole time, except for the underground era of course.

B: Of course.

C: Of course.  And I think that’s the episode? B:  That it is!  Thank you, everybody at home, for listening to Garbage Football!

C: [name] and I will be with you again next Tuesday and there’ll of course be a premium episode on Friday by Thuy and Roger.

B: Be sure to catch us next time.  Bye! C: Bye!

[junker-town]

The Dodgers will pull out of their hilarious doom spiral

Or, how to be on pace for 106 wins and still freak your fans out.

If you wanted an update on the state of Dodgers baseball, it looks something like this:

That’s the best pitcher in baseball in the dugout with the best team in baseball. Both of those superlatives still apply, and you’re not changing my mind. That’s the best pitcher on the best team, and he’s still angry enough to bite through a Powerade cooler. The Dodgers are going to win more than 100 games, and they’re still freaking out.

Ah, the curse of unrealistic expectations. From June 7 through August 25, the Dodgers were 55-11. Since then, they’re 1-11. The symmetry of that is amazing. It shows just how ludicrous that Dodgers run was, considering they would have to win 54 games in a row to match it. It also shows just how different Dodgers baseball has been over the last two weeks. They’ve lost seven games in a row, and the last four have been with a combined score of 28-3. The Padres and Braves haven’t had a seven-game losing streak this year. The losing streak ties the longest from the Mets and Giants this year, too.

What I’m trying to get it is that 55-11 is much different than 1-11. It’s, like, 54 wins different if I had to quantify it. And it’s so very baseball for everything to slip down the sewer grate after two weeks.

Our job today is to figure out how worried the Dodgers should be.

Not very.

To look at the last 12 games and see how much information we can glean from them.

Not a lot.

To examine performances from the last two weeks and see what they can tell us.

Nothing.

Look, dammit, this is my article, and I’ll come to these conclusions in my own time. Right now, you aren’t helping.

Who have been the players responsible for the skid? Let’s round them up and see.

Clayton Kershaw

What he’s done since Aug. 26: 9⅔ IP, 4 ER, 3 BB, 14 SO

He’s also responsible for the one win out of the last 12 games, with six shutout innings in his return from the disabled list. His velocity was down a mile per hour from his season average on Thursday, which is to say that it was within its normal range. His control was off, which you can tell from his three walks and his pitch chart at Brooks Baseball.

He is, of course, probably fine.

Level of panic when it comes to postseason preparedness, with “1” being not worried at all and “10” being in the fetal position and talking to a tortilla with burn marks that resemble Tommy Lasorda’s face: I’m at a 3, and that’s only because Kershaw was injured in the first place. Backs are the Rube Goldberg machine of the human body, so it’s always appropriate to be a little worried. But his first start off the DL is more relevant than one isolated start in the middle of a losing streak.

Yasmani Grandal

What he’s done: 41 PA, .158 BA, .195 OBP, .237 SLG

Grandal hasn’t been hitting, but it’s not like he’s been a dominant offensive catcher all season. He’s been nice and steady, and while his OPS+ (99) is well off his career average (113), he’s still a young, switch-hitting catcher with superior defense.

Level of panic: We’re talking about 12 games. It happens. Gimme a 3, with one extra point added for the potential of an undisclosed injury.

Chris Taylor

What he’s done: 51 PA, .260 BA, .275 OBP, .420 SLG

Taylor is, in a lot of ways, the 55-11 of baseball players, in that he had a brilliant run of success that was never supposed to last forever. While I thought the same thing about Justin Turner, who never faded, that can’t happen twice in three years to the same organization. Can it?

Can it?

How are the Dodgers doing this ...

Level of panic: This is at a 3 for me, only because he’s a 26-year-old hitting better than he did in the minors. But he was always a high-average hitter with patience. A little tender loving care from the braniacs in the front office, what with their launch angles and supercomputers and whatnot, can definitely explain the quantum leap in his performance. It was just unlikely for him to hit .344 with an OPS over 1000 for the rest of his career, so you knew a slump was coming.

Cody Bellinger

What he’s done: 37 PA, .250 BA, .270 OBP, .528 SLG, 0 BB, 12 SO

Bellinger is still hitting for power, because of course he is. The iffy numbers at the beginning of that line can be explained away by the 37 plate appearances.

Look, all of this can explained by sample size, people. Please come back for Monday’s article.

Level of panic: 3, but that’s because I’m wondering what it will be like for a team like the Nationals or Cubs to have time to prepare for a young, overly aggressive hitter like Bellinger. Just because they’re scouting him doesn’t mean they’ll be able to execute those pitchers, but I would have to think that a steady diet of excellent pitching would be the rock to his scissors.

Corey Seager

What he’s done: 13 PA

It doesn’t matter what he did in those plate appearances. The point is that he’s hurt with an elbow injury. It’s not bad enough to put him on the DL, and he should be back in the lineup within the week.

If you’re looking for something that might contribute to a losing streak, losing one of the best players in baseball can have something to do with that.

Level of panic: 3. Look, injuries are scary, especially when they happen right before October. He might be healthy enough to play, but he might not be healthy enough to be COREY FREAKING SEAGER, which means the Dodgers aren’t the same team that went 55-11.

But he’s probably fine. They’re all probably fine.

Yu Darvish

What he’s done: 8 IP, 8 ER, 6 BB, 12 SO

It’s probably worth pointing out that Darvish wasn’t exactly having a Cy Young season in Texas. He had pitched into the eighth inning just three times in 22 starts, with a heaping helping of six-inning quality starts mixed in there.

He’s still the complement the Dodgers needed for the postseason, someone who could take the pressure off Kershaw, but that doesn’t mean he was completely devoid of risks.

Level of panic: 3. The last two starts have been ugly, sure. The ERA is a little bloated on the season, yes. But the Dodgers are pretty good at the whole scouting thing, and if they still traded a couple of their better prospects for Darvish after he allowed 10 runs in 3⅔ innings, they’re still confident he’s the same pitcher he’s been for most of his career.

Those last two starts sure were ugly, though ...

Rich Hill

What he’s done: 9⅔ IP, 8 ER, 2 BB, 13 SO

That’s one miserable start and one solid one without run support. It should be noted, though, that the one miserable start was his only one of the second half. He hasn’t been throwing into the late innings a whole bunch, but he’s been preventing runs and missing bats.

Level of panic: 3. It’s a “1” when it comes to his pitching, but there are a couple bonus points tacked on for age and blisters. He’s fine.

Alex Wood

What he’s done: 6 IP, 4 ER, 3 BB, 7 SO

Wood missed a start, more because the Dodgers are, uh, creative with their use of the 10-day DL than because he’s broken. He’s still having a superlative season.

Level of panic: 3. Just because he’s a pitcher. Those things will break your heart.

Pedro Baez

What he’s done: 2⅔ IP, 7 R, 2 BB, 2 SO

The most surprising part of the losing streak are that most of the relievers have been clean. Kenley Jansen has been his old self. Tony Watson and Tony Cingrani have both been much better than they were immediately following the trade deadline. Ross Stripling gave up a run against the Diamondbacks last week, and it was his only run in the last eight games (11⅔ innings). Brandon Morrow had one poor outing, and Josh Fields was rusty after a, uh, creative application of the 10-day DL, but for the most part, the Dodgers’ bullpen has been strong.

This is important because the blueprint the entire season was to get six innings from their starters, limit their innings, and turn the ball over to a cadre of strikeout monsters. It’s worked. It’ll probably work for a lot of the postseason, too, if needed.

Baez is a legit concern, though, just because he’s been so hittable.

Level of panic: 3. WE’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT A TINY HANDFUL OF GAMES, YOU WEIRDOS.

The Dodgers aren’t without their problems. I didn’t create a section for Curtis Granderson, who’s hitting .097/.253/.290 with his new team, because I wouldn’t have been able to slap a “3” on him. He’s 36 and a whiffmaster, and he doesn’t have to be a contributing force in the postseason. Chase Utley is 38, and he’ll occasionally play like it. Logan Forsythe has been lost all season, and he’s 3 for his last 29.

The Dodgers are still on pace to win 106 games. That’s probably their true talent level. Maybe their true talent level is a little closer to 100-win team after all. That’s still a pretty big deal.

When it comes to the postseason? Every team’s level of panic is a solid 9 because the postseason is a sloppy cauldron of chunky unfair stew. The postseason is when Clayton Kershaw can throw one pitch too many, where Danny Salazar and Carlos Carrasco are too busy mending to play, where a fine team like the Nationals can’t win a single danged series, no matter how hard they try. If the Dodgers didn’t have this losing jag, they were still destined to panic with that second loss in the NLDS or NLCS. That’s how it works.

For right now, though? It’s just two weeks of weirdness, a smattering of unfortunate events. I went looking for red flags and I didn’t find any. The Dodgers were never a 120-win team because no team is a 120-win team. They’re still awfully good, though, and even the awfully good teams can get their foot stuck in a bear trap for a couple weeks.

The Dodgers broke baseball, and then baseball reminded them who’s in charge. It happens. But that doesn’t mean it’s time for them to panic.

(Although, it is slightly hilarious that the Diamondbacks timed a 13-game winning streak this perfectly, just to troll. Fine work, gents.)