#alex can do this pre-shoulder injury

[lumosinlove]

Vaincre

Details and full fic on Ao3 

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April Part Two

~

Oh, this is gonna be a big one, isn’t it, Lee?

Sure is. We’ve got—well, I’ll say a complete top line. Black and O’Hara tearing it up as usual, but we’ll be missing sorely someone who’ll be across the ice this time, eh?

That’s right, Logan Tremblay—oh, there he is now. Skating out in blue.

“Your New York Rangers…” came the drawn out roar around Madison Square Garden.

Remus shifted back and forth on his skates. He could already feel the coolness of the ice from down the tunnel. He could feel Sirius behind him, doing the same thing.

“All right, boys, big game,” Thomas’ voice came from somewhere closer to the front of the line. “Big game, big game!”

Coach Weasley confessed in his pre-game interview that Winter was supposed to start tonight in net, but it’ll be Knut instead. He didn’t go into details, but it’s not a secret that Winter’s been battling injuries for quite a few seasons now.

It’s true, Dean. But Knut has been proving himself over and over again. We’ve heard from his teammates how important he is in the room, also how hard he is on himself after a loss. Tell me, Dean, we see this a lot from net minders. We see the way they place weight on themselves—Kasey Winter, too. Do you think that’s something Knut will have to manage down the line?

You know, Lee, I think he’s a kid. He’s so young—so much of the Lions team is so young—hell, their Captain is so young. I think its in their nature to be hard on themselves, they’ve all been working for this life for a long time. That isn’t to say I don’t think you can be too hard on yourself. And that’s tricky territory, especially given the fact that—now, I don’t want to say this, I really don’t—but given the fact that Knut could be looking at the starting spot soon.

Oh, yeah.

Madison Square Garden booed when they skated out, and the rattle of Sergei knocking the pile of pucks down off the boards for warm-ups was drowned out. Remus gathered one for himself, pushing hard around the back of the goal before tucking it neatly into the upper crossed corner of the still empty net. The music boomed, some lyric-less bass-heavy beat that Remus could tune right out. He didn’t look across the ice, to the blur of blue jerseys just at the corner of his vision. Sirius stayed at his heels, pulling to a hard stop just beside him.

“Seventy-one,” he said. “I didn’t think about the number.”

“What?” Remus asked, looking up at him. Sirius only nodded across the ice, and Remus took a breath, and then looked. He found Logan almost immediately, TREMBLAY in white across his shoulders rather than black, and, below—

Remus frowned, before realizing. Artemi Panarin already wore ten. Now, Logan wore 71 on his back.

“Leo’s 1, Harz’s backwards,” Sirius said, and then turned to smile at Remus, tapped a glove over where his necklace rested. “Guess you’re not the only one who likes to play with numbers.”

“Weird, huh?” Leo said as he skated up beside them, mask propped on top of his head. He jerked his chin across the ice. “He’s always been ten. In school and everything. Ask Finn.”

“Really weird,” Remus said, and Sirius gave him a loving nudge before skating off for his routine, Leo towards the goal. Remus headed for his usual spot in one of the corners, where he bounced a puck off the boards a few times, but at the last second, he changed directions. If he couldn’t change his routine, he didn’t like that. He took a long, slow breath and thought of earlier that morning, Sirius’ warm arms locked around him. He thought of how well Sirius knew him. How thoroughly. He tried to keep that thought playing through his mind, willed it to be louder than the music, than the chorus of winwinwin in his head.

Remus skated to the bench instead, lightly checking into Finn, who resolutely had his back to the ice.

“How’s he look?” Finn asked, squirting water into his mouth.

Remus glanced over Finn’s shoulder, only to see Alex skating up to them, coming to hard stop that sprayed Finn’s lower body with ice.

“Ugh,” Finn said and squeezed the water bottle at his brother’s chest, squirting the front of his jersey. Remus just laughed, knowing that the cameras were catching this for sure.

“Hi, baby brother,” Alex said, throwing an arm around his neck. “So glad you’re here. Ready to get your ass kicked, bud?”

“You wouldn’t kick my ass,” Finn said, and pointed to the top of the stands where the Rangers’ team box was. “Not while Mom and Dad are watching. We both know only I could ever get away with that.”

Alex just grinned and sent a wink to Remus. “He wishes. Hey.” He knocked his and Finn’s visors together. “Gotta tell you something.”

“No,” Finn pretended to put his gloves over his ears. “La-la-la, I don’t know what you’re gonna do but I’m not falling for it.”

“No, really.”

“La-la-la—”

Alex slapped at the side of his head. “It’s about Tremz.”

Finn lowered his hands, still looking suspicious. “What?”

“Don’t mind if Sir Lupin hears?”

“Oh, believe me,” Finn said, sending an identical grin to Remus. “Loops has heard it all. What, you weirdo, spit it out.”

Alex raised his glove near his mouth for privacy in case any cameras were on them, but he was still smiling—Remus actually thought his eyes looked a little bright. “In the locker room yesterday, Saint was talking about some book series and Lo just basically goes—” Alex gave Finn’s shoulders a little happy shake. “Oh, yeah, my boyfriend loves those.”

Remus’ heart squeezed as he saw Finn’s eyes go a little unfocused on the ice. He set the water bottle down on the boards, swallowed, and closed his eyes, like some final part of him surrendered to the belief that it was real. That this was real. Remus remembered that feeling well.

“Yeah?” Finn breathed.

“Yeah,” Alex said, softer this time. “Yeah.” He smiled, pushed Finn’s helmet down over his eyes, and skated a few strides backwards towards his own side of the ice. Finn pushed his helmet back up and watched him go.

“You fucking crying, Al?” Finn laughed, but he sounded choked up himself.

“Yes!” Alex called. “Love ya!”

Looks like the O’Hara brothers already have their competitive streak up and ready. As usual. Hey, what a treat it’d be to see those two play together on an Olympic team or something, eh, Dean?

Finn cleared his throat. Remus saw him finally look for Logan, saw him find him on the ice—saw Logan find him back and raise his stick with a soft look. “I love you, too.”

Before he crossed the blue line, Alex picked up a water bottle and squirted it at Kasey, who barely flinched. He was dressed in gear, but playing back-up tonight, baseball cap shading his eyes. “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

Kasey just shook his head, smile small, brown eyes challenging. “Rangers stew.”

Alex scoffed, but skated closer to knock their helmets together gently, before darting off towards Montague in the Rangers goal just as the whistle blew, signaling the end of warm-ups.

The first few face-offs were a blur of adrenaline. Remus watched Sirius line up against Zibanejad. He kept waiting for Finn and Logan to end up shoulder to shoulder, but it never happened. Each time Logan was on the ice, Coach called Finn off of it. Thomas and Olli hardly let Logan near Leo’s net, either, double-manning him, predicting his every move. Remus saw Sirius and Pascal share slightly wolfish grins when Logan hit his stick against the boards in frustration.

Looks like Tremblay’s having himself quite the time out there against his former teammates. Haven’t seen him share the ice with his old college line mate yet. Had a bit of a tussle with Dumais, though, ha! Do you think that’s on purpose?

Tremblay and O’Hara go so far back, man, so much history. Played together at Harvard. Best friends, too. I don’t know why you’d keep two opponents who know each other’s game so well off of the same ice. I’d say you’d want that advantage, but, then again, that could backfire real quick, huh, Lee? I suppose I just want the show! Ha!

Oh, I’d say so.

“Jesus, Montague’s on tonight,” Sirius panted between drinks of water as the whistle blew for a deflection over the glass by the Rangers.

Remus nodded as he dragged a towel over his visor, clearing any sweat and steam away. “So’s Nut.”

“Ouais.” Sirius held his hand out for the towel and Remus handed it over. “We’re both locking each other down.”

“Better than the alternative.”

Sirius shrugged noncommittally and knocked on Remus’ helmet, making him laugh.

“That was an observation, not a jinx.”

Sirius didn’t look convinced, only glanced up at the clock. Six minutes to go in the first and no score. “If you say so.”

The Garden was still chanting Saint’s name after that last save. Saint, Saint, Saint, like they had stumbled in on some holy ritual. Remus took a moment to gaze up and around at the seats. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought he would get to play here after his injury. Never again, and now he had done it a few times. He didn’t think the effect was likely to ware off anytime soon. He watched Logan skate out, watched him check what line he was against—Pascal’s. Pascal said something as he took the face-off against Trocheck, and Logan smiled and rolled his eyes.

There we go, saying hello to an old friend, eh, Dean?

Tremblay lived with Dumais. The old joke is that they couldn’t get him to leave! My wife’s obsessed with Tremblay’s instagram, lots of pictures with Dumais’ kids. We know Tremz is the baby of three sisters—youngest child’s secret dream, to be the oldest?

Hey, I’m the baby of my family—no way I’d give up that leverage for anything.

Trocheck won it and Remus allowed himself a moment to settle into his old, familiar routine of watching Logan skate, the way he used to when he had spent all of his time on the bench. Sirius would always be his favorite—light, even strides that were soundless when he cut into the ice—but Logan skated like he was prepared to go miles and miles for what he wanted. His edges were clean, he could stop at the smallest touch, which meant it was hard to get around him and even harder to take the puck from him. Remus guessed that was why the Rangers coach had put him with Panarin. He shouldn’t be enjoying the way the two seemed to see lanes on the ice that looked closed, angles that looked impossible, but he was. Beautiful hockey was beautiful hockey, and Remus had always been able to appreciate that no matter what.

Logan narrowly avoided Evgeni, who definitely hadn’t gone in for the hit with his usual force, but it did make Logan pause for long enough that Evgeni was able to poke the puck away with his long reach, and right into Pascal’s waiting tape. Pascal turned and pushed hard up towards the other end—Logan on his heels.

“Très étrange…” Sirius breathed from beside him as the two whipped by.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “Strange.”

“Black!” Coach called when Evgeni came for a change. “O’Hara, go!”

Sirius was over the boards in a flash, well-rested from the whistle break. He caught Logan easy, Pascal blocking any shot he might make from behind. Logan liked to do that, no look passing. Finn had been on the receiving end of those for his entire career. Logan would keep his green eyes narrowed on the guy in front of him and then fake a shot, only to knock it back to Finn with his backhand for Finn and his speed to race half-way up the ice.

He couldn’t pass to Finn now, though, but Remus saw him hesitate, like the muscle-memory of it was fighting with him as he saw Finn in front of him on the ice. Finn shouted something to him that Remus couldn’t make out.

Oh, here we go, finally. This should be a show. Tremblay surrounded by familiar faces in the Rangers’ zone, knocks it to Panarin who can’t get it through, sends it around the boards to Fox, holding, holding, can’t get a lane—Black’s got it! Picked his pocket right up, looks like—is he gonna go coast to coast, Dean? Tremblay’s at his heels, can’t catch him—

Remus was on his feet as Sirius widened his stride the closer he got to Montague’s net. Saint was making himself big, blocker and glove out, knees ready to drop.

“Fake left,” Remus said under his breath. “High, high, c’mon…”

Sirius’ right leg raised, but Saint didn’t move the inch to follow where Sirius wanted him to go. Sirius’ shot was hit right out of the air by his blocker—God, the very edge of his blocker.

“Rebound!” Jackson shouted from beside him. “Cap, let’s fucking go!”

Sirius scrambled for it, but Logan got there first and knocked it all the way down the ice. The whistle blew for icing on the Rangers, and Logan’s line would have to stay on the ice for another shift, tired as they were.

Jesus, not often do you see a chance taken away from Sirius Black like that, do you, Lee?

Nope. No, you do not. Sebastian Montague, in these past few years…well, he’s been making a name for himself, yes he has.

Logan and Sirius were panting, sticks on their knees, not quite looking at each other. Logan bent to hand the puck to the ref, and Remus watched him send a glance to Sirius, watched him say something. Sirius turned and, after a moment, smiled, then reached his stick out to lightly wack Logan’s shins. Remus felt something release in his chest, looked to Finn who was watching them as he skated towards the boards for a change. He looked like he was feeling something similar—complicated and relieved, happy and sad.

“Mind staying out, Harzy?” Coach said when Finn reached the bench. Coach had an equally complicated look on his face as he raised his calling card to his mouth so the cameras couldn’t read him. “You distracted him good out there. Black got close, I think he can get close again before clock runs down.”

Finn looked surprised for a moment, then grinned. “Oh, Coach. I was born to distract Logan Tremblay.”

~

Remus was drenched in sweat by the time they were making their way down the tunnel for first intermission. They were still 0-0, but it was one of those games that just felt good. Difficult and evenly matched, low on hits, high on skill. It was always like that with the Rangers. Remus handed Lars his sweaty gloves to be dried with a nod of thanks. The locker room wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t quite. It wasn’t frustration exactly that hung in the air. More like will power. They wanted this. All of them.

Remus cut through the puck-marked tape on his stick once he was sitting in his stall again. Finn came into the room near the end of the line, just ahead of Leo, and let out a very loud, meandering sigh-like noise that made Leo laugh.

“Okay, Harzy?”

“This feels like a really weird dream. Like…” He paused to pull his jersey over his head, then stripping his pads off, leaving only Logan’s fleur-de-lis around his neck and his pants. “Like one of those dreams that you wake up and try to figure out what the fuck it means but you just sit there confused.”

Thomas laughed from beside Remus. “That was a whole thought.”

“I have a lot of them, occasionally.”

Remus just smiled and got up for the bathroom to rinse the sweat off of his face and neck. Within, Kasey was at the sink, stripped out of his pads. He was strong and tall, but always looked smaller, more fragile, in the moments just after he had removed all of the bulky goaltender gear. Kasey met his eyes in the mirror, twisting on the tap.

“Hey, Loops.”

“Hi, Bliz,” Remus said.

“Intense so far, eh?”

“Yeah,” Remus smiled. “Hey, gonna see Alex later?”

“Yeah, but we’re going out with a few of the guys first—not sure if the Cubs are coming, too, but I think they are. Old Harvard teammates and all that. And, from what I’ve heard from Leo, Tremz probably wants to do some sentimental shit like—I don’t know, serenade them?”

Remus laughed. “It’s sweet. I didn’t know he was like that, but it’s damn sweet.”

Kasey made a show of rolling his eyes but he was grinning, too, shutting the water off. “Yep. It is.”

“We’ll probably come, too,” Remus said. “But if we don’t win, I can’t promise you-know-who will be any fun.”

“Oh, you’ll wring some fun out of him, I know it.”

Remus leaned over and splashed water over his neck. “I always seem to, don’t I?”

Kasey was silent for a moment, but he wasn’t leaving like he normally would. Like any player, he had a strict intermission routine. Instead, he stood there, half-turned towards Remus.

“So, Cap asked you to marry him,” Kasey finally said.

“So he did.”

“I want to marry Natalie.”

Remus couldn’t help the way his head snapped towards him, couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face. “Oh my God, Kasey. That’s—” But then he noticed Kasey’s conflicted expression. “What’s up? That’s great, man.”

“It is.” Kasey nodded. “I’ve only been thinking. Our relationship with Alex is newer…well, Alex feels like my oldest friend in the world, but in this way, the way we three are now, it’s new. Very new. I don’t know how to tell him that I want to marry Natalie without him thinking that…without him worrying that I don’t think of him as permanently mine like that. Because I think I will want that. I think Nat will want that. I just…it feels different. We’re in a different place. I want to marry one person, but I want to keep the other.”

Remus nodded. He couldn’t picture wanting anyone but Sirius, couldn’t imagine having any room left over in his heart, but it filled him with warmth every time he thought of the Cubs, or when Kasey had told him about Natalie and Alex. Kasey was so quiet about it, but he was a bit like Finn, Remus sometimes thought. He had endless things to give.

“I think…I think you should tell him.”

“Yeah?”

“I think—I mean, maybe you’d be better of talking to Finn or Leo or Logan—but aren’t both of your relationships proof that things develop at different rates? That more than one thing can develop at once?”

Kasey nodded. “I…yeah.”

“I mean—okay, now that I’m thinking, even me.” Remus crossed his arms, leaning against the counter with a hip. “Maybe I don’t want two different people, but I wanted to kiss Sirius before I knew I was ever going to be friends with him. That shouldn’t really make sense, but that’s how I felt. And then he became my best friend while I was also falling in love with him. At the same time.”

Kasey smiled. “Yeah, I think we all knew about your little crush.”

Remus laughed. “I’m trying to say that I think…I think you should talk to Alex, ask Natalie, and…” Remus huffed out a laugh. “And wring out all the best that life has to offer. You’ve got a good hand you’ve been dealt.”

Kasey was quiet for so long that Remus started to worry that he’d said something wrong. That maybe he’d wanted or needed something else. He looked away from Kasey, trying to give him space, but kept an eye on his expression in the mirror—it was crumbling, slowly.

His voice came out so soft that even the bathroom’s echoes barely caught it. “I think I need to retire, Remus.”

And part of Remus felt like crumbling, too. Kasey was so quiet about it, about all of it, and Remus suddenly felt painfully grateful that someone like Kasey trusted him like this. He was thankful for his old job, and all that it had given him. If he’d started as a player, he wasn’t sure he would’ve gotten that.

“I know,” Remus said just as softly. How many hours had they spent together, trying to make the pain go away? Remus leaned his palms on the counter, freezing to the touch. “God. I know, Kase. You’ve been hurting a long time, huh?”

“They tell you to fight through it,” Kasey said, eyes down and unfocused. “That’s the thing about hockey. That’s probably what wrecked me and Alex for so long. What wrecked Sirius. They just tell you to fight through what hurts and it’ll go away. And if it doesn’t go away, ignore it. Pain means you’re an athlete, you asked for this.” Remus watched Kasey close his eyes. His face would have looked almost peaceful, if his voice hadn’t had a fine tremor to it, words barely audible by the end of his next sentence. “I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m so tired.”

Remus straightened and put a hand on Kasey’s back. “Kase…”

“I don’t know what’ll happen,” Kasey said.

“What’ll happen is you’re so fucking young. They make you feel old at twenty-eight in this game, and it’s bullshit. You can do anything you want. What’ll happen is you’ll choose something incredible, Kasey. I know you will. I know that because you know how to take your time. Believe me. I understand.”

“I—I want to finish the season. Give myself that.”

Remus nodded. “All right. Layla and Lars will help you.”

Kasey looked at him. “Will you help me?”

Remus had to take a minute. He squeezed Kasey’s shoulder and nodded fiercely. “Of course I will.”

Kasey sent him a quiet smile. He put his hand over Remus’. “Guess I’ll start with choosing Nat, then, huh?”

Remus smiled back. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

~

Finn just wanted to get back out onto the ice. He had thought he would be sad. He thought he would have woken up with dread and a dry mouth at the thought of seeing Logan in blue. But he hadn’t taken into consideration that now Logan’s eyes would always be on him, storm-ridden sea green, trained on him, looking for the best way to beat him. Finn could see it now, even as he mindlessly taped fresh sticks for period two. It riled Finn in a way he hadn’t known it would.

“Hey,” Leo said, sitting down in his stall beside Finn. “I know we said we were all going to Lo’s but…lots of the boys are going out tonight.”

“You want to go, babe?”

Leo shrugged. “Kinda. Don’t know if Lo knows about it, though. He won’t be looking at his phone now, gotta see after the game.”

Finn tore the tape with his teeth and smoothed his finished work. “I think we should. Today won’t be complete till I’ve got my hands all over your hips while everyone’s looking. We don’t play tomorrow, we can fly back after the team does.”

Leo’s answering smile was bright and he leaned forward to press a kiss to Finn’s cheek. “That sounds good. So good. God, this game.”

“How’s it feel to you?” Finn said. “Because its getting me unexpectedly…toasty.”

Leo snorted. “I know, I can tell. I…” He paused. “I just—I really don’t want to let one of his past me, you know? It’s stupid, but oh my god, I don’t.”

“It’s not stupid,” Finn said. “Believe me, I feel the same.”

Leo leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “He looks good out there. Blue suits him.”

“You look good out there,” Finn said.

Leo offered him a small smile, eyes lingering over Finn’s, then Finn’s mouth. “Harzy?”

“Yeah?”

Another beat of silence, another flick of his eyes up, then down. “I—miss you.”

Finn started a little, blinked, sat up straighter. Leo smiled a little bashfully, looked down, and Finn reached out and put a hand on his thigh. “You miss me? Le, I’m…”

“I just mean…I feel better. And I can tell you feel better. We were all so different, for a moment there. And I’m—I guess I mean that I’m happy.” Leo put his hand over Finn’s. “That’s all. I’m happy. I don’t know.” Leo squeezed his fingers. “I—yeah, I don’t know.”

Finn nodded, slowly, understanding. He thought of the horribly still nights that they’d shared after Logan had first left. All of their trying, all of their tight grips. It did feel better now. Finn scooted closer, took Logan’s necklace from around his own neck and slipped it over Leo’s surprised, soft expression. He took Leo’s chin gently between his fingers and kissed him, because he could.

“I love you happy.” Finn said. and tapped the necklace and kissed him again. “For luck.”

“The necklace or the kiss?” Leo’s smile was bright.

“The necklace. The kiss is because I love you. Here’s another.” Finn kissed Leo’s forehead, then rested his own against it. “And I miss you, too. I don’t know exactly what I mean, either.”

Leo let out a breath. “Yeah…”

“But I do.”

Leo closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

The second period started off with a bang. Evgeni took on Reaves—and Finn honestly couldn’t be sure who won, only that they were both still talking a mile-a-minute on their way to their penalties.

“Does Reaves speak Russian?” Finn leaned in to say to Jackson, who just snorted.

“Kuns doesn’t care if you know what he’s saying during fights. It’s the feeling, Jackson, the feeling. They scare.”

Finn smiled. “Right. Reaves totally looks scared.” They looked like they were going to break down the glass.

“17, on Tremblay.” Coach tapped Finn’s shoulder. “Remember.”

“Oh, Coach, I remember.”

Finn next jumped the boards beside Sirius to swap out with Pascal’s fourth line. He narrowly avoided a hit by Blais with the puck on his stick, and managed a slick pass to Olli, only to have the puck snatched out of the air by Montague. Chants of Saint filled Madison Square Garden again. Saint, Saint, Saint. When he saw Panarin jump the boards, he fell in at Sirius’ shoulder.

“It’s not working up high.”

Trocheck followed Panarin, and then—

“Tremz’ll know if you go low.” Sirius was chewing on his mouthguard, eyes on where Logan was skating towards the face-off circle—towards Finn. “He’ll block. If he’s not shooting, he likes getting up in the crease to protect the goal.”

“We’ll have to try and get him unmatched from the Panarin line, surprise him. Their guys seem to like Lo and him together.”

Sirius nodded as they turned back to the face-off. “Try to trap him in the corners, maybe the others will go for a change.”

Sirius bent across from Trocheck, and Finn—well, he stopped for a minute. He had known what would happen just now, but he hadn’t realized exactly what this would mean, facing Logan’s line. He looked right into those familiar green eyes. They hadn’t been this close all night, and now Finn leaned forward, skate braced against Logan’s, snug shoulder-to-shoulder. Distract.

“Sorry, what’s your name again?” Finn said, and pretended to look back at Logan’s jersey. “Huh. Can’t pronounce that. I’ll just have to call you seventy-one.”

Logan suppressed a smile but said nothing. He kept his eyes forward, but there was a blush to the back of his neck.

And there are the old teammates. Chatting it up—well, O’Hara is, anyway.

“Seventy-one,” Finn said, mockingly thoughtful. “Got the last pick, eh? The dregs?”

“Harzy,” Logan said in a low voice.

“Hey, remember earlier today when we made out?”

That made Logan look at him, eyes pleased and fiery, just as the ref dropped the puck. Logan cursed and gave Finn a nice, hard shove, but not before Finn got the puck from Sirius and sent it up the boards. That was as good as a starting gun for Logan, and Finn gave chase. He saw his chance and took it. He pushed through one hard stride, then another, before pinning Logan not too softly against the boards, the puck trapped between both of their skates.

“Hi there, Tremblay,” Finn breathed, mouth perfectly positioned against Logan’s neck.

He knew Logan could feel his breath there, especially when he let out a frustrated noise low in his throat, and tried to shove back against Finn, free up the puck, but Finn fought right back.

“This? You want this?” Finn groaned as Logan shoved an elbow back against his ribs. “Oh, ouch, what was that for? Thought you loved me.”

“Finn,” Logan said through his teeth. The crowd was beginning to get restless and loud, but Finn just wanted to smile. He couldn’t help that they were matched for strength, that they could predict each other’s every move.

“Never felt you fight me like this before, huh?” Finn made a try for the puck but Logan’s broad shoulders edged in front of him again, making him have to switch to his other side. He could feel Logan’s sweat against him from the damp curls of his hair peaking out from his helmet, taste the salt of it. It was all him.

Logan let out a low groan of effort again and finally knocked the puck free. Both of them dived for it, only to find Remus there, snatching it up, tapping it to Thomas, back to Remus, back to Finn to tapped it in a quick east-west to Remus who pulled his stick back for a slap-shot—it rattled off the crossbar and into the Rangers’ net.

Finn put his arms up with a shout and Remus turned towards him, pointing his glove at him.

“Yeah, Harz!” Remus grinned as they crashed together, Thomas putting one hand on each of their helmets.

“Having fun in the corners there, Finnegan?” Thomas said.

“Very much so. Gonna get an earful for it later, though.” Finn laughed as he skated down the bench to tap gloves with his teammates, receiving a slap on the helmet from Coach as he used the gate to get into the bench. He glanced up and caught green eyes staring at him for just a second.

“My boyfriend loves those,” Finn said quietly to himself. “My boyfriend reads those.”

Wow, all smiles from O’Hara. Certainly pleased with himself over that goal.

Finn looked down the ice at Leo, and he couldn’t really see his eyes, but he could tell that Leo was looking back by the slow, exasperated and fond shake of his head.

“You say something?” Evgeni asked from beside him.

Finn pointed to Leo. “My boyfriend’s the goaltender for the Gryffindor Lions.”

Evgeni made a face, brown eyes confused. “Harzy, I’m know this?”

Finn just smiled, letting out a long breath. “I know. I just wanted to say it someone.”

~

Logan sat back in his stall with his eyes closed.

“How you doing, kid?” Alex’s voice said.

“I’m a little…fluttered.”

“You’re…fluttered?”

“I think I said it wrong.”

“Flustered?”

Logan rubbed at his eyes, then laughed. “I guess. Turned on feels closer.”

Alex must have been drinking water because there was a snorting sound and then he was choking through a laugh. “Oh-kay. Okay, Tremblay, wow. Zero to one-hundred.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Alex laughed again, taking another sip of water. “I mean, keep in mind I believe you’re referring to my brother’s little clean hit, but don’t be sorry.”

“Huh,” Percy said from where he was re-lacing his skates. “I believe Finn was hoping it would be perceived as a bit more dirty, actually.”

Logan laughed. “Shut up.”

Logan felt easier in this locker room. Part of him worried it was only due to the mere proximity of the Lions, of Leo and Finn, of Sirius and Pascal. He had been living without the promise of see you tonight and he still got sad going home to an empty apartment. But he liked this team. They were kind and tight-knit. They pushed each other and uplifted each other. Even the quiet, somber ones like Luke—though, Logan guessed he could be considered a quiet and, sometimes, somber one himself.

He stood up. “They’re starting on the power play, which is dangerous.”

Percy put up his hands. “I didn’t trip Nadeau. Fucking refs.”

“Cap—uh.” Logan shook his head, threw his jersey back over his head so he’d miss any second looks he got for that. “Black is probably really fired up so. Dangerous around the net. Whether you tripped him or not.”

“So?” Alex said. “You’ve got a slapper that can go the distance.”

“Non, they’ll expect that. They’ll put Walker right in front of it.”

“Hm.” Alex stood, too, throwing his shoulder pads on over his bare chest and beginning to smooth the velcro.

“Well,” Percy said. “You know Knut better than any of us. We’ve watched tape, but…”

That brought Logan up short. He looked over at Percy, his fair hair wild from drying sweat.

“What?” he asked, though he’d heard him.

“What’ll work?” Percy asked, like it was obvious.

Logan opened his mouth, but couldn’t think of a single thing to say. What’ll work against Leo? He knew, obviously, but…

“Five-hole.”

They all looked over at Saint, who had spoken—who rarely spoke between periods usually. He was sitting in his stall beside Luke, cold towel around his neck.

“He’s tall,” Saint continued. “Long legs, he can’t get down as quickly as he always should. But he’s good with his hands, he’ll snatch anything glove-side right out of the air.” He looked over at Logan, eyes knowing. You can’t do this, so I’m doing it for you. “He’s been doing it all night. But so have I.”

Logan couldn’t keep his eyes off Leo. The way he came back out for the third, marking up the freshly smoothed blue paint in front of his goal with precise, measured strides. He was all the way at the other end of the rink, but Logan had a feeling Leo was watching him, too. When Leo came to the bench for a full water bottle before the first puck drop, Logan saw that he was right.

Logan almost didn’t want to look over. Finn had caused enough of a stir in him. But he couldn’t help it. He found Leo’s blue eyes. He had his mask up.

Hi, Logan saw Leo mouth.

Logan bit his lip. “Hi.”

Then Leo reached into his jersey, brought out a necklace, and kissed it. With a start, Logan realized it was his fleur-de-lis. He felt himself flush hot. He felt himself smile. He touched the place on his own chest where the pendant had once rested. Leo smiled, pulled his mask down over his face, pointed two fingers at his own eyes, then at Logan.

Logan recognized the challenge.

Ha! A little message from Leo Knut there. We’ll see if Tremblay rises to the bait and evens out this game.

They had been right about the power play. Sirius was buckling down and fierce. Logan felt the same. Any hyper-awareness that he’d had about playing against his old team faded to the back of his mind. Muscle memory took over. He didn’t hit—he didn’t think he could bring himself to really let that go—but their faces blurred and the Gryffindor red could have been Detroit’s. After each shift, he barely wanted to sit on the bench.

He found himself shoulder to shoulder with Finn again, determined not to give into him this time. Determined to maybe feed him a bit of his own fire.

“Do you remember,” Logan began. “That first summer we spent in New York together, and you read me those books?”

Finn smiled. “Ha, you can’t get me. Alex already told me. Ha-ha.”

Logan kept his eyes ahead. “I think I was already in love with you.”

Logan had the puck on his stick before Finn could even close his mouth.

Oh man, this is what Tremblay’s famous for, Dean. As fast backwards as he is forward and—those feet. One of the best skaters in the league. He passes to Morgan, Morgan to Panarin—the magnetism! Wow, back to Tremblay, over to Marshall, narrowly avoiding O’Hara on his way down the ice, Tremblay, back to Marshall, back to—Oh! And he scores! Tremblaaay!

Oh, what a look on Tremblay’s face! That’s bliss, man. That’s bliss!

Logan slammed up into the glass with a shout, Percy just behind him.

“What a pass!” Logan managed to say from beneath Percy’s glove all but trying to smother his face.

“Like old times, eh?” Percy laughed, then turned to call to Finn. “Eh, O’Hara! Owe you one, you fucking beauty!”

Finn waved him off, but the gesture did draw Logan’s eyes to Leo. He was tracing the blue paint with his stick, like he always did after a puck got past him, head down, trying to re-focus. Logan knew that this was normal for him, but that didn’t make the twinge of guilt in his gut any better. He had, for the first time, been the one to cause that look on Leo’s face. Leo was hard on himself. Logan knew this from many sleepless nights spent with him. The fact that it was Logan who had scored…he knew that didn’t make it easier for Leo.

And even still. A certain triumph. Leo. He’d gotten one past Leo.

But the victory didn’t last. No more than four minutes later, Finn and Remus were like hounds on the ice. Logan had almost forgotten. They were playing for the playoffs. Remus squeezed one in beneath Saint’s left pad with three minutes to go, and then Finn, nearly swiping Alex’s feet out from under him in the process, pulled the Lions ahead of the tie for a clean win. A clinch. They were two play-off teams now.

Logan was happy for them. He wondered if they would get to meet each other in the first round, depending on who the wild card ended up being. But Logan couldn’t watch them all celebrate on the ice, piling against Finn by the glass, gloves on the ice. That, he couldn’t quite do.

~

Remus could feel the happiness coming off of Sirius. They had done it. They were going to the play-offs. Sirius had even been almost receptive when the reporters had surrounded him in his stall. He’d even forgone his baseball hat that usually kept his eyes shaded and unreadable. Remus had had a bit of a moment, watching him push his sweat-drenched hair out of his bright eyes, answering questions in English, then a few in French.

“Thank you, Sirius,” a few of the writers had said, and then Sirius had smiled with a merci.

Remus joined him by the fridge that held sports drinks and water. He nudged their shoulders together. “Merci.”

“Shh,” Sirius said. He sent Remus a smile, though, pressed a kiss to his temple.

Finn’s parents were at the game, of course to watch both of their sons play. Remus had only met them a handful of times, but the energy they brought with them into the room was classic. Remus could practically smell the early morning practices, alarm clocks and high school locker rooms and jerseys on clothing hangers in stalls.

“How you doing, kid?” Finn’s mom grinned, pressing a hard kiss to Finn’s cheek and rubbing his back. “What a game. Almost a hatty. How’d it feel?”

Finn’s dad, Ramsey—a tall man with the O’Hara’s soft brown eyes and a handsome face with tortoise-shell glasses—rubbed a hand through Finn’s hair. Remus could tell he’d been doing that since Finn had only come up to his knees. “So weird to see Logan in blue.”

“Yeah,” Finn said. He still had his arm tightly around his mom’s shoulders, and his knuckles looked like he was really holding onto her. If Remus didn’t know better, he’d say there was a bit of emotion in Finn’s voice. He thought of what Alex had told him. My boyfriend reads those. He thought of how long Finn had been waiting for a sentence like that from Logan. “Yeah. It was weird, but it was good. See Alex yet?”

“Not yet, came to you first,” Ramsey said. “Al said he was gonna come down here to you, anyway. Oh, Leo—” Ramsey smiled at Leo as he came to Finn’s shoulder, and held out his arms. “What a fucking game, man. Hot hands on you.”

Leo accepted the hug and the slap on the back, then pointedly ignored Finn’s exaggerated look at his hands. “Thank you.”

“Aw, Leo,” Haley put her hands on his cheeks. “You’re looking good. I’m so glad, you boys are looking so good, I was…I was worried there.” Then her eyes caught on someone behind Leo and Remus looked to see. “Kasey Winter, what the hell are you standing all the way over there for? I see those shy eyes of yours looking at me.”

Kasey came over in his usual, almost sheepish way. Remus felt a pang go through him, thinking back to seeing that expression just over an hour ago, trying to be strong.

“How you doing?” She had her hands on his face like she had with Leo. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.” Kasey nodded.

“Hm.” Her eyes went over his face. “You know Alexander never shuts up about you.”

“I don’t think I shut up about him, either.” Kasey’s eyes went to Remus’ for a moment. “At least not in my head.”

“Good.”

Remus smiled. He looked over at Sirius. He had been going to ask if they were joining the others at the bar, but the look on Sirius’ face stopped him in his tracks. He was staring at the O’Hara family, grey eyes without walls. It was such a rare sight that Remus reached out for him without thinking, put his hand on Sirius’. Sirius blinked, watched Haley O’Hara lean up for Finn to whisper something in her ear, watched the way she put her hand over her heart and looked up at her son with that heart written all over her face.

“I’m fine,” Sirius said. “I just—wonder sometimes. About—I mean, if I had had…”

“I know.” Remus rubbed his thumb over Sirius’ knuckles.

Sirius squeezed his hand before clearing his throat and standing, reaching for his shirt.

“Hello, mon fils.” And Pascal was there suddenly, arm going around Sirius’ shoulders, squeezing tightly. “Going out with the boys?”

Sirius swallowed, leaned into Pascal a little, then nodded. “Ouais, we’re going.”

Remus thought about what he’d said to Kasey. They were all so young. And he suddenly wanted his family there. He wanted to see Julian for more than a few weekends a year and a month and a half in the summers. He had an almost aching want for a family with Sirius. And everything, all the time that came with that. It knocked his gaze unsteady for a moment. He looked at James, who was on the phone with Lily, one AirPod in and laughing as he did up his game suit tie.

“Put him on,” James was saying. “Harry totally knows what icing means, Lils!”

Remus smiled and reached for his towel to dry his hair one more time, only the room erupted around him. Logan and Alex had walked in. Alex immediately ran at Finn, dodging around his parents to put his little brother into a headlock.

“Ugh, Alex—” Finn scrabbled at Alex’s grip. “No—Mom.”

“Alexander, release your brother, he won fair and square.”

Leo, who had his arms around Logan, laughed as Logan imitated Finn. “Mom.”

“Ooh, it’s Tremblay,” Evgeni said, knocking Logan’s hat down over his eyes as he passed by, already dressed. “Big bad Ranger boy. We smush you. Smush.”

Jackson, behind him, righted his hat with a pat. “See you at the bar? What’s it called—uh, something-something?”

“Sure,” Alex called, still with a fighting Finn under his arm. “I’ll have Logan put it in the group chat.”

“Finn reached up to wack blindly at Alex’s face. “C’mon, man.”

Finally, laughing, Alex released him and accepted a hug from his mother. With access to Finn now, Logan gave him a shove.

“You fucker.”

“Tremblay,” Alex said, arm around Haley. “Language around my mother.”

Haley scoffed. “Oh, please.”

Remus laughed with the room just as his phone started ringing. A photo of Julian’s nostrils popped up beneath his name and Remus shook his head.

“When did you do that…” he muttered to himself, and then answered. “Hey, bud.”

“Such a good game! And—so weird that Tremzy? But like so cool to see him and Finn, like, like—battle for it. And also good goal! With Harzy. Really pretty.”

“Hi, sweetheart,” his mother’s voice came. “Oh, yes, we just went wild!”

“Hey, thanks,” Remus smiled. “Yeah, it was pretty weird.” He glanced over to where Finn had his hands up in surrender still, half talking, half laughing as Logan spoke a mile-a-minute in French.

“I wanna talk to Sirius,” Julian said matter-of-factly.

“Ooh, yes, put Sirius on for a moment. I have a wedding idea.”

“That you can’t tell me?”

“It’s about you! Hand him over!”

Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled as he nudged the phone at Sirius. “Jules and my mother demand your attention.”

Sirius looked down from where he had finished up half the buttons of his shirt, eyes going happy. “Give it.” He wedged the phone between his shoulder and cheek as he finished the buttons. “Ça va, Jules? Avez-vous regardé le match?”

Remus felt all warm inside at how slowly he spoke. Julian had started learning French in school, and Remus could hear his OUI! from where he was.

Sirius smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling, as he listened to them.

See? Remus mouthed, and Sirius just reached out to stroke through the wet hair at the base of his neck. Remus leaned into it and listened for a few moments as Sirius replied to whatever Julian or his mother was saying. Soft hums and sounds of agreement until he finally said, with a wicked grin at Remus, “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

Remus flicked him in the ribs.

“Non, not flying home,” Sirius said. “We’re going to hang out with Logan and some of the Rangers because we miss him.”

“I heard that!” Logan called over.

“Just a little!” Sirius called back, then held the phone in his hand, suit jacket over his arm. “Okay, Jules. Okay, I’ll tell him. Good night.” He laughed. “Yes, I know. Okay. Okay. Ouais, okay.” Remus put a palm to his forehead, shaking his head as Sirius tried to hid his laugh. “Okay, yes. Got it. Ouais, promise. Okay. Okay, night.”

Sirius handed the phone back to Remus. “I don’t want him to grow up any more.”

Remus sighed and accepted Sirius’ gentle kiss. “Me neither.”

~

The bar was loud and dim, with seemingly endless worn booths and many pool tables— also, everyone seemed to know Alex. The bartenders, two middle-aged women in black tank-tops and a sun and moon tattoo on their upper left arms that had to go together, each gave him long, hard hugs. Kasey, too, which Remus shouldn’t have been surprised about. The walls were plastered with photographs of the two women with different players—Rangers and otherwise. Above the bar was a great big sign: No Autographs, No Pictures. If We See A Flash—You’re OUT!

Remus smiled. He could see why Alex liked it here. Public, but no where they’d be mobbed should it come to that.

“I guess you’ve been coming here a long time,” Sirius said, coming to Kasey’s shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, Cap. Since the old days.”

“My Lord,” one of the women said—thick braided hair that was died pink at the ends and tied back in a long twist. She had soft eyes, russet-brown skin, and she stood tall like a dancer. “Kasey Winter, you have brought Sirius Black into my bar. Finally.”

Kasey just laughed and tapped Sirius’ chest. “Sirius, meet Holly, and that’s her wife Jude over there.” He nodded towards a woman with a blond pixie cut and green eyes that were almost as startling as Logan’s. She stood with one hand in her back pocket, pale skin covered in various tattoos. She was laughing at something Evgeni was saying before replying in Russian.

Remus thought Sirius looked a little overwhelmed by it all. He drew his gaze away from the surprisingly big space and towards Holly with one of his shyer smiles. “Nice to meet you.”

She laughed, a contagious thing. “You really are a formal one.”

Kasey rolled his eyes. “Not really.” He reached around Sirius to put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “This is Remus.”

“Hi there,” Remus said. “This is an amazing place you’ve got here.”

“Oh, thank you, darling.” She reached over the bar and put her hand on Remus’. “You know, my wife grew up in your hometown. We followed your story all through college. We were so sorry when that nasty Grayback…He should have been banned from the League a long time ago. God, and then everything with that fucking Snake team. And I know we don’t know each other but we feel a lot of pride about you.” She gave a hard nod.

That nasty Grayback. Remus had never actually heard anyone blame him before. “I—oh. Wow.”

“I’m proud, too.” Sirius’ arm found his waist and Remus was so, so grateful.

“Sharmall.” Remus jumped a little at a very much higher-pitched version of Finn’s voice.

“A’Horo,” came the response from Percy Marshall, already standing with Alex and Will Morgan at a pool table.

Remus watched as Finn, coming in with Logan and Leo, all but launched himself at Percy, and he couldn’t have deciphered the noises that came out of their mouths if he wanted to.

“You fucking M&M! Fucking snack!” Percy held Finn’s face between his hands. “Treat you a two? A three? Crack the egg.”

Finn shook him by the shoulders. “Fuckin’ crack it.”

“Do you…understand this?” Remus asked Logan, who was greeted by Holly by a very loving and rather comforting hand on his cheek.

Logan was just shaking his head. “Yes. Only because I was there.”

“And?” Leo asked, looking just as bewildered as Remus.

“They’re going to have beers,” Logan said. “And they’re saying hello.”

Leo blinked. “I—okay.”

“I told you,” Logan said. “They’re crazy together.” He sighed, smile exasperated, and looked to Holly. “Hi, Hol. Sorry about them.”

“Oh, we’ve seen worse.” She held up her hands and poured Logan a drink—quick shot of rum, crack of a coke bottle. “Sorry about the loss, honeybee.” Her eyes moved to Leo. “And don’t I know who this is. Congrats on the win.”

Logan accepted the drink with a smile, and put his arm around Leo’s waist. “This is my boyfriend. Leo.”

Remus watched the way Leo’s expression caught, surprise and something so bright that Remus could barely look at it.

Holly pressed her lips together in a smile. “Hi, sweetheart. Can I pour you something? I can’t tell. All thought I couldn’t tell with Tremblay here, either. Jude googled him—ha!”

Leo nodded, hand going to his wallet. “I can—do you want…”

“I believe you.” She cracked the cold bottle from the fridge that Sirius has asked for. “Some of the older boys try to bring in the rookies sometimes. They know they can’t get passed us, though.”

Remus turned to look up at Sirius while the others moved onto the game from that night. Sirius shuffled him down the bar a little ways before tapping a stool for Remus to sit on so that they were eye-to-eye.

“Okay?” Sirius asked quietly.

“Yeah, totally.” Sirius looked at him and Remus smiled, put a hand on his chest. “I really am. I promise. It just—his name takes me off guard. I was surprised—most people just go sorry about the hit, not—you know. Not like he meant it. Not like—I know no one knows what really…happened. But it was nice to hear someone get close.”

Remus took a breath, realized he was rambling. He rolled his shoulder a little. It would never move quite in the way it used to, scar tissue and stress, but he was lucky.

Sirius nodded quietly. “Ouais. I see.”

Remus straightened, smiling when he saw Evgeni hurtling towards them, pushing right through Finn and Percy to do it.

“Hey, Kuns,” Remus said.

“Loops.” Evgeni put his hands up, one holding a beer. Who knew where his jacket was but his tie was barely hanging onto his neck and his shirt was unbuttoned almost all the way, showing some of his tattoos. “The party is me.”

Remus raised his eyebrow, but nodded. “Sure is.”

“Cap,” Finn said, tugging Evgeni’s tie up to catch over his face. “Percy insists I introduce you properly, whatever the hell that means.”

“Hello.” Percy looked star-struck as he shook Sirius’ hand. “Sir.”

Remus tried to bite back a smile but Finn snorted. “Perc, what the fuck.”

Percy was pink around his ears. “Hello, not sir.”

Sirius just smiled wryly. “Hi…”

“I love you,” Percy said plainly.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Finn put an arm around Percy’s shoulders to steer him away. “And you’re not even drunk, I forgot how fucking weird you are.” He pressed a sloppy kiss to Percy’s temple. “Fuckin’ M&M.”

“Kit-Kat.”

“Jolly Rancher.”

Remus hid his laugh in Sirius’ chest, where he felt the rumble of Sirius’ own. Sirius’ palm came up to cover the back of Remus’ neck, thumb stroking gently.

“Loup,” Sirius said softly beneath the music playing. “Something made you sad earlier, though.”

“What? Oh. Yeah,” Remus smiled a little, pleased at the way Sirius was pressing so close. “I can’t actually say. It’s not about me.” His eyes went to Kasey. “You’ll know soon.” Sirius’ eyes followed his. “You probably already do.”

Sirius looked for a long time. Alex and Kasey, sitting snug in a booth together, looking like they were having a soft, earnest conversation. Kasey might have been crying a little, but they were laughing, too, and Alex touched their foreheads together.

“Ouais…” Sirius said finally.

Remus smoothed his hands up Sirius’ chest, around to clasp behind his neck. “I like this. I like us all together again.”

He looked at Pascal, Thomas, and Leo, standing and watching Finn, Will, and Logan saying something that sounded like it was about Harvard. Percy was beside Leo, seemingly whispering extra details into his ear.

“Speaking of sad earlier,” Remus said, and tilted Sirius’ face back towards his own. “I saw you watching the O’Hara’s—or A’Horo’s now, I guess.” Sirius half smiled, thumb still tracing lines down Remus’ neck. “Our families are yours. Especially mine. Okay? All of us…even some fucking Rangers.”

Sirius barely had time to smile when, as if on cue, Holly announced the arrival of a few more.

“Saint Montague,” she said, voice somehow carrying over it all. “Get your ass over here, sweetheart.”

“Monty!” Percy called as Saint came in, followed close by Luke Deveaux, whose eyes went immediately to Sirius and Remus, tangled up.

Saint put a palm up to Percy. “Nope.”

Percy let out something close to a cackled ha! and turned back to Leo.

Saint was really something to behold, Remus had to admit—by Sirius’ face, he could tell Sirius had to admit it, too. He had tan skin and hair that had been streaked blond—it was a strange cross between angelic and something akin to punk. Remus caught Sirius’ eye, whose mouth quirked. They watched as Holly clasped his hand, saying his drink was on the house—sorry about the game, darling, I know how you hate to lose.

Saint gave off an air of arrogance that should have dulled the effect. His chin tilted like he knew just how good he was. But it didn’t dull anything. Especially not when his light, liquid sun eyes looked Remus up and down once. “Lupin.”

“Montague.”

His eyes flicked to Sirius with a challenging little smirk. “Black.”

Sirius only nodded. Saint’s eyes went back to Remus.

“Pretty little things you do on that ice.”

Remus arched a brow. “Thanks…Good game.”

“It was fine. I’ve had better.”

“Obviously,” Sirius muttered.

Remus glanced up at him and Sirius huffed, but only took a drink of his beer.

Saint just smiled, then looked back at Luke as he called Holly over again. “You want something, Tweedle?”

Luke simply nodded and came to his side, leaning against the bar and watching Saint’s profile as he ordered for the both of them. Sirius glanced at Remus again. Remus would do anything for Sirius to keep sending him those little silent communication looks.

Be nice, Remus mouthed.

“You know,” Saint said, turning to Sirius. “Your boy was pretty wrecked when he first got here.” He looked towards Logan.

Sirius blinked. “Logan’s trade was a surprise.”

“Yeah, even we can agree to that,” Saint nodded. “But all I’m saying to you is that…” Saint hesitated. He looked down at Luke, then back to Sirius. “He’s doing okay now.”

“I know.”

“We’re good people.”

“Never said you weren’t.”

Saint laughed and rolled his eyes before throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders and steering him away. “So stop looking at us like we’re just a bunch of Rangers! Oh—” He looked over his shoulder. “But we are going to have to do something about him calling you Captain all the time in our room.”

“No deal,” Sirius said.

Saint laughed again, but turned away.

“Meanie, Captain.” Remus smiled, knocking his knuckles lightly into Sirius’ arm.

“I love Logan,” Sirius said in a low voice, taking a drink. “But we are still hanging out with a bunch of Rangers.”

“What do you want, Tremz?” Remus heard Finn call from across the bar. “Another round, I’m buying.”

“You know what I want!”

“Bleh, sugar-water,” Finn said, then grabbed Leo’s hand and pulled him between the tables. Leo barely had time to let Logan take his drink from his hand and send a laugh over his shoulder. Finn spun Leo around a few times before settling his hands on Leo’s hips and resting him against the bar, murmuring something gentle to him. Remus smiled at Leo’s smile.

“Do you think they’re going to be okay?”

Remus looked up at Sirius, who had something akin to his game face on—maybe a little more worried.

“We were okay.”

“Yes.”

“And we’re okay now.”

Sirius looked down at him. He was biting at the inside of his cheek. “Yes.”

“Yes.” Remus reached up and stroked a thumb over the taut cheek until Sirius relaxed. “They’re getting to choose.”

“That doesn’t mean everything’s going to be in their control.”

“They know that, I think.”

Sirius nodded. “Ouais…”

“Cap!”

They looked up at Logan’s voice—met Saint’s pointed look on the way—and watched Logan wave at him, standing with Pascal.

“Come here. I want you in this photo.”

“Oh, of the night we beat you?” Sirius called back, but he was smiling, slipping out of Remus’ arms. Remus just shook his head and watched him go. “I thought we weren’t allowed photos?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but we’re the ones taking them.” He gave Sirius’ suit jacket a tug, surprising Sirius into one of his real smiles, so that Percy could snap the picture.

Everyone seemed reluctant to leave—reluctant to have enough drinks to risk a hungover flight or practice tomorrow, but reluctant to leave all the same. Neither Holly or Jude seemed to mind that they all ended up just sitting around a pool table, rolling some of the balls back and forth across the felt mindlessly and laughing much too loudly, though the bar was emptying out.

It stirred a fond memory from college for Remus—something that didn’t happen often. It even included Grayback. Something that happened even less. There had been a blizzard, power out, locked down in their team houses, four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each, and with a mission to drink the cold beer before it got warm.

Remus looked around from his place settled between Sirius and Thomas. Evgeni was trying to tell a story that was half in Russian and Jackson was giving what was sure to be a very wrong translation until Saint finally raised a finger and said he spoke Russian. This resulted in a very sloppy kiss on his cheek from Evgeni. Luke might have scooted Saint’s chair a little closer to himself.

Logan and Finn had Leo between them, touches casual and happy. Percy and Will had had the table in fits telling Harvard stories, and Kasey had actually put his full, large palm over Alex’s mouth to stop him from telling an old story from them being on the Rangers together.

It felt like a family. And Remus had had that feeling in college. A sickish wave of fear washed over him then. He didn’t want now to feel like then, promising that anything could go horribly wrong. He looked at Sirius, but he was turned away, talking to Alex. Remus shifted, wished he had some water. Remus felt a nudge from his right.

“Heyo,” Thomas said softly. “What’s up?”

Remus shook his head. “Nothing.” He smiled. Took a breath. “Nothing. I just…I love this.”

“Hurts sometimes, huh?”

Remus huffed out a relieved laugh. “Yeah. Exactly, T.”

Thomas put an arm around his shoulders, across the back of his chair. “I got you, Loops. We all got you.”

From his other side, Sirius kept talking to Alex, but he seemed to hear. He put his hand on Remus’ knee, warm and familiar.

“Ooh, I took his spot,” Thomas mock-whispered, and Remus laughed.

“No,” Remus said. He felt more grounded. He would enjoy this. He was enjoying this. “You stay right where you are.”

~

Logan had watched how close Finn held Leo, hands on his hips. Their heads ducked together, cheek to cheek. Right there in the middle of the crowd. Each time he had looked over, Logan had gotten different views. Finn saying something, Leo’s eyes closing as he laughed, Finn ducking to press a soft kiss to Leo’s neck. Leo sending him a wink over Finn’s shoulder, Finn grinning at him over Leo’s.

And then Leo had leaned into Logan’s side, ducked down to whisper in his ear. Take us home.

God, this place, his New York apartment, called home in Leo’s voice.

Now, Logan kept Finn close, his back against Finn’s chest as they leaned against his kitchen counter to watch Leo open his fridge, and let out a long sigh at the empty shelves.

“Oh, Tremblay. Tremblay, Tremblay, Tremblay.” He picked up an unopened bottle of ketchup and stared at it sadly. “As my mama would say, this is just asking for trouble.”

“I’m sorry?” Logan said.

“What are you eating?”

“At the rink.”

“We’ve FaceTimed, though! You bought stuff! I walked around the grocery store in your hand, they have the lettuce you like and everything.”

“Ouais…I do better when you give me really good instructions.”

Leo sent him a bland look around the door. “You need really good instructions to buy lettuce?”

“I make egg and ham sandwiches?”

Leo turned to the stove where there was still evidence of said sandwich on a spatula and pan. He made a face. “Remind me to get you a spoon rest.”

“Okay,” Logan laughed, and then tilted his head to the side to give Finn more room where he was beginning to kiss his neck.

“Kitchen looks good, though. From what I was expecting.” Leo opened a few barren cupboards and made a hmm noise.

“But I hang the towels up,” Logan said, and Finn’s answering snicker washed over his skin warmly. “And, regarde, the key bowl. By the door.”

“You don’t even have your tea,” Leo’s frowned was actually concerned now. “Lo.”

“I don’t know,” Logan sighed. He tucked himself back against Finn more. “It’s not…”

But what did he want to say? It’s not the same? That’s for at home. But this was supposed to be his home.

“It’s okay, baby,” Finn said softly, pressing gentle kisses to his jaw that bled into one another, into his words, too.

“No,” Leo said. “No, this is his home, Finn. I want him to have the things he likes here.” Leo looked over at them, and his expression softened. Finn held out his hand for him, and Leo took it, letting Finn pull him in, peppering his jaw in those same kisses. Leo smiled, hands going to thread in both Logan and Finn’s hair.

“I did have it. At one point. I guess I just…” Logan took a breath, and Finn when to speak but Leo put a hand over his mouth, making them all laugh. Logan sighed and knocked his forehead against Leo’s chest. “If I don’t have too many things, then it’s not…” 

“I get it,” Leo said, and then released Finn and bent to press a soft kiss to his mouth. “They should call you Talker.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Finn said. “But Leo’s right. This should feel homey. Otherwise why would we come and visit?”

Logan scoffed and elbowed him in the ribs.

“Ouch, Tremblay.”

“Oh, non. Don’t even get me started again on the ice today.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Blame Coach.”

Leo snorted. “Oh, Coach told you pin Lo up all hot and heavy?”

Finn just grinned. “I’d call it being willing to play the corners, but you can call it whatever you like, Nutter-Butter.”

Leo just shook his head, laughing. “C’mon. I want out of this fucking suit.”

“That can be arranged.” Finn looked down at Logan as Leo wandered towards Logan’s bedroom, peaking none too subtly into the bathroom on his way. Finn tugged on Logan’s tie. “Sorry. I should let you talk.”

“Don’t be,” Logan said. “You’re still not used to it.” He smiled. “Me neither.”

Finn laughed. “Guess so. Come on. Show me the Tremblay Chamber.”

“Stop with the last name,” Logan laughed, but took his hand and pulled him up from the counter. “Makes it feel like you’re still on the other team.”

“Logan,” Finn said in his ear, still close to his back as they walked. “Lolo.”

“Non.”

He dropped to a whisper. “Lo, baby.”

Logan just glanced at him, biting back a smile.

“Yeah, you like that.” Finn’s voice was cocky as they pushed the bedroom door open to find Leo seeming to be checking Logan’s lightbulbs on his bedside tables. “Okay, Leonardo. What is happening.”

“These pre-furnished places come with harsh lights sometimes! Like the cool toned ones, like a hotel—” Leo ducked down to see beneath the shade. “Logan likes the yellower warm ones.”

Logan’s heart squeezed. “Le, the light’s fine.”

“No, they’re cool and you will just live with it. Okay, tea and lightbulbs.” Leo straightened, shrugging out of his suit jacket. “That’s my list so far. Oh, no, spoon rest. I should write this down.”

“No, you should sit down,” Finn said. He nodded towards the bed. “There, right there. Go on. Sit, and I’ll give you a fun surprise.”

Leo look suspicious, but he sat on the edge of Logan’s bed. Finn turned Logan around by his shoulders and walked him backwards until he fell back into Leo’s lap. Logan laughed, but rested his head back against Leo’s shoulder.

“A good surprise,” Leo said softly, and kissed the underside of Logan’s chin.

Finn lowered himself to one knee in front of Logan. “All this Rangers blue…” Finn tisked his tongue. He smoothed his hands up Logan’s thighs, the material of his suit catching against his fingers. “Even made it into your socks and tie.” Finn looked up at him. “That has Alex written all over it.”

Logan took a steadying breath. “He, um—took me to his tailor.”

“I bet he did.” Finn kissed the inside of his knee. “And he had to trace this inseam…” Finn’s mouth trailed up his strong thigh, hand against his knee. “Lucky human.”

Logan couldn’t help spreading his legs a little, eyes on Finn’s mouth. Leo adjusted behind him, feet tucked back and knees against Logan’s hips.

“It is a nice suit.” Leo’s hands went to the navy blue tie in question and gave it a little tug. “But I think we should take it off of him now.”

Finn’s hands went to Logan’s belt and he did a little whistle to the tune of it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas as slid the leather free from its buckle.

Logan let out a soft laugh, leaning back into Leo as he slid the tie out from around his throat. “Shh.”

The nights were lonely. Logan always felt himself as the lone weight in his bed acutely, like he was sinking into it. It had been even been worse in his dorm bed, at Harvard. Narrow space, no room for anyone but him. He’d curled into himself, back against the window with the rattling AC. Finn, oceans away on the other side of the room, breathing and shifting and talking until neither of them could keep their eyes open. Laughing too loud and Percy banging on his ceiling to get them to shut up.

And then Finn’s bed, in his parents’ New York brownstone. Bigger. Stepping over the air mattress on the floor in the morning. Him and Leo sharing a hotel room on the road, each with their own double bed. Wishing so hard to throw off his own covers and just—just climb in and close those inches of ugly hotel carpet between them, sleep turned into Leo’s chest instead of trying to block out the blaring red numbers of the clocks on their respective bedside tables.

And now there was this. Leo behind him, unbuttoning his shirt from his shoulders like it was some sacred rite. Finn coaxing him into lifting his hips off of the bed, the jingle of his belt hitting the floor. Hot mouth around him, Leo’s fingers against his ribs, mouth on his neck, the weight of Finn’s elbows pressing into the mattress around him.

“Got one past me tonight,” Leo said in his ear. “You know I don’t let things like that go.”

Finn’s mouth was replaced by his hot cheek on his thigh as he laughed, breathless. “I thought no hockey in bed.”

The pillows behind Logan’s neck felt cool and gentle when they lay him back against them. He didn’t have to ask to watch them shed their clothes, too. And when Finn eased him back when he tried to help with his buttons, his large hands pressing against his chest, Logan thought of the boards. Finn pressed up against him, Leo all the way on the other side of the ice, what if I closed the distance? That thought that had circled in his mind a million times, for both of them. What if I came to them?

Finally, he had.

“Hold me,” Logan said, breath shaky through the words.

Leo just smiled into their next kiss, unbuttoning his own shirt. “We are.”

“Non.” Logan took Finn’s hand that was cradling the side of his neck and moved it down a little, to the front of his chest so that the V between Finn’s thumb and forefinger was settled just over where his collarbones dipped apart in the center, where Finn could feel his pounding heart. Finn’s lips were wet and parted as he watched Logan put his own hand over Finn’s and press down on his chest, watched his eyes go hooded with it.

Finn’s expression did a complicated thing. He applied a little pressure of his own, barely even at all, but Logan felt it in his chest, let his eyes close with it. It was good. It meant they were there.

He put his fingers around Finn’s wrist and guided his hand down more firmly.

“Ah.” Finn grinned, eyes going to Leo who had made another hmm noise, not dissimilar to his one from the kitchen. “I see.”

“I miss it. Please.” He used his feet to press Finn’s hips harder against his own and looked to Leo. “Please, I miss you so bad at night. I miss you so bad at night.”

“Aw, Tremz,” Leo said softly.

And just like that it was back. Tonight had been so happy. But reality was still in the room.

They didn’t let him linger in it. Leo’s kiss was short and sweet, hard enough to draw Logan to him as he pressed up all along Logan’s side. Leo let Logan guide his fingers carefully to where Finn’s were. He lay each one in the spaces between Finn’s, right over his heart. “We’re right here.”

Logan let out a harsh breath, tilting his chin back, giving Leo room. Leo leaned down and brushed his lips against Logan’s cheek. “Good?”

“Ouais, ouais—” Logan could barely stand that look in Leo’s eyes. It was as good as seeing the intensity of their blue through the mask. Better. “So good.”

Logan’s necklace glinted around Leo’s throat, pooled by their joined hands on Logan’s chest as Leo leaned over to kiss him.

“God, Lo, look at you,” Leo breathed, drawing Logan closer like he needed it. “Okay, maybe I’ll let the goal go. Was gonna make you wait for it but…just for tonight.”

“First kiss day,” Finn added, and Logan grinned into the next kiss he received.

The held him together, on either side, even when their hands made him feel like he was unraveling. Finn’s hand slipped away from his chest, down, down. Slick and fiery and steady, pulling his hips up in time with their movements like he couldn’t help it. The tension of the game melted away, right out of his muscles. Leo’s hand stayed right where it was, making his heart feel like it was pounding against something more than just himself, like it was trying to knock down whatever skin and bone was left between them. Logan didn’t remember locking his hand around Leo’s wrist, but he did, he held on even as Leo’s mouth bled any strength out of him, throat bared as Leo kissed him gentle and calm against the pile of pillows behind them.

He didn’t feel alone. It was such a relief.

When Finn got as close as he could, Logan was warm. Heavy against the sheets. Finn bent over Logan in a rush, arms scooping under Logan’s back this time, one pressing just above his ass, holding them together like he wanted to knock it all down, too.

Logan could only wrap his arm around Finn’s back in return, the other still locked on Leo. It brought Finn close, his stomach rubbing up against Logan’s cock perfectly, the scent of his sweat heavy on Logan’s tongue where his mouth was pressed into the hair that curled against Finn’s neck.

“Yeah, you like that,” Finn whispered gently, pressing a kiss to Logan’s jaw. “You like this, always have.” When Finn began to grind into him, it was shaky and needy. He barely pulled away at all, but Logan didn’t want him to. He opened his mouth against Finn’s skin, breathing hard, pressing his teeth into Finn’s skin gently to muffle the low sounds he was making.

“Leo,” Finn managed, voice tight, then at Logan’s teeth, laugh shaky. “Ouch, Lo.”

Leo laughed, too, smoothing Logan’s hand into his own and kissing his knuckles before ducking to get at Finn’s neck and shoulders, too. Logan caught his mouth in a sloppy kiss, trailed his hand down Leo’s chest until he could take him in hand.

“Did I mention you scored on me?” Leo’s brows drew together at the feeling, forehead resting on Finn’s should. “And—ah…I don’t forgive easily.”

“Ouais,” Logan said, voice sounding shot to his own ears. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Logan eased Finn off of him with a lingering kiss, a sigh at the loss, but Leo was plains and stretches of pale, bare skin flushed pink.

Logan had missed them, but they had missed him, too.

Logan straddled Leo’s hips, feeling how badly Leo wanted him, feeling the arch of Leo’s back as they pressed together. They kissed and kissed, Logan’s palms against Leo’s chest this time, then his neck and jaw, smoothing his hair back. He pushed his hips down again, and again until Leo was muttering urgent sounds and gripping his hip, keeping him still as he spilled needy and white between them.

Logan kissed over the sweat at his temple, lips parted in something between a smile, triumphant, and a need of his own. Finn was there, then, soothing the tremors in their bodies.

“I missed you, too,” Logan heard Finn murmur into Leo’s mouth.

Logan knew he would live in this moment until the next one like it came. It would be where he fell back to, when he needed something to weight him down and ground him, whenever the changes became too much. He couldn’t have said where he stopped and they began. He didn’t know the hours, he didn’t know the degree of light in the sky. He knew their skin, and their laughs, and brown and blue, red and yellow. Getting up in the pitch black just to come back and find both of them there. A memory for later, though it’d make him sad more than anything. He’d paused by the window, where the moon fell on them. He got up again to see the same sight in the blue light of the early morning. He just wanted the feeling of settling back in between them, their mindless sleepy hands finding him without trying. A glimpse of blue, Leo pulling him closer, who’s sleepless now? Finn, hearing their voices. His warm palms going around Logan’s wrists, pinning them above his head, hips settling together again, again, again.

Logan was tired, but not of this.

Leo, scrambling eggs at his stove, singing softly along to the music playing on his phone. Finn, sleepy at the counter, tennis ball beneath his foot, rolling out sore arches. Daylight. Logan left the room just so he could come back in and see them there.

He’d leave again, later, kissing them goodbye right there on the sunny sidewalk. He’d come back in to no one in his kitchen, the bed a mess. Practice in two hours. It was funny, as he stared at himself in the mirror brushing his teeth, how he looked so rested after no sleep. It wasn’t as funny how part of him had managed to convince himself that he was going to see them every night, like his body had needed to put that on a loop in his mind in order for him to enjoy it so much. But no, tomorrow they were just playing the Stars.

Twelve hours had barely passed than did Logan come home from a practice to find an express package waiting at his door, addressed in Leo’s handwriting. Inside was a box of his mint tea with a great big smiley face drawn on it in sharpie, and a set of lightbulbs. Logan smiled and set his kettle on.

[agentcherricola]

1, 4, 7, 11 for the fab four?

warnings in some of these for non-graphic mentions of injury/death (7) and deadnaming (1)!

1.what was their city name/previous name? -party poison: johnathan scott ii, then they changed it to riley after coming out -kobra kid: jennifer scott, then he changed it to alexander (but he always went by alex) -fun ghoul: mason, no last name. he can't remember his "family name", or the name his parents likely gave him at birth. -jet star: never had a city name! he's always been jet star. 4. what do they look like (if different from canon)? -party poison: naturally black hair, freckled, green eyes, a few tattoos (the most striking being a lacy like garter looking piece around their one thigh because they think its hot), earrings, a septum ring, and a vertical labret lip piercing (🥵) -kobra kid: pretty much exactly how he looks in canon, but with shitty tboy facial hair, snakebites, and some stick n pokes. no top surgery so either a binder or tits out if it's too hot. -fun ghoul: like waist length straight black hair, light/medium warm olive skin, almond eyes, top surgery scars, nostril piercing, one lip ring (left side), plugs, covered in tattoos (mostly just ones he thinks look cool but a few of them have sentimental meanings too) -jet star: the tallest of them, shoulder length hair (including the gray streak), 3 earrings on the right ear and 1 on the left, eyebrow piercing, many visible healed over burn scars (adds to the hotness)

7. have they ever been heartbroken? -party poison: only once or twice, after that they started putting up some walls and keeping people at arm's length so it wouldn't happen again. they prefer to be the one to break up with someone, especially if they can tell that the other person wants to end it. -kobra kid: in a romantic way, no. any relationship that he felt was serious enough has lasted in some capacity. he didn't start feeling strongly/falling in love until he got to the desert, and his partners really like to keep him close. -fun ghoul: oh yeah for sure. he feels a lot of love for people and loves with his whole self, so he takes breakups really really badly. he also tends to not speak up about his feelings so he gets heartbroken when the other person doesn't know how he feels. even if he won't tell them. -jet star: definitely. being desertborn, people close to you die all the time. probably one of his first partners got ghosted when they were both like teens. he knew it was an inevitable part of the lifestyle, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less.

11. what's their most treasured possession? -party poison: an old hoodie they had from batt city. it's just super comfy and warm, they wore it all the time growing up when dysphoria was kicking their ass. now it's falling apart at the seams and almost never cool enough outside to wear, but it makes them feel secure when they're having a bad brain day. -kobra kid: a drawing the girl did of him on his bike. he'd keep it in his wallet if he had one, so he usually has it in the inner pocket of his leather jacket -fun ghoul: his walkman/headphones/favorite tapes. he's got big, noise cancelling headphones for when he has to go somewhere or do something loud, and the tapes are all pre-war folk albums that help keep him calm and focused. -jet star: their bad luck beads. he actually only has a few, and he wears them as earrings. but they swear they've kept them safe in plenty of instances when they should have died.

[jobrookekarev]

One Step Forward and Three Steps Back: Chapter Four

One Step Forward and Three Steps Back: Chapter Four

Chapter Four of Six

Words: 3486

Chapter Summary: Meredith arrives at the hospital and Stephanie tells Alex about Jo’s marriage to Paul. Later, when Paul wakes up, he tells a different story of what happened in the loft.

Summary: Jo wants to marry Alex more than anything, there’s just a few hoops she has to jump through before she can make that a reality. When she finally takes the plunge to free herself from her past, it all comes back to haunt her.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson, Jo Wilson/Paul Stadler (Past).

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, Stephanie Edwards, Paul Stadler, Meredith Grey, Nathan Riggs, Jackson Avery, Miranda Bailey, Ben Warren, and Isaac Cross.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Physical Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Assault. Medical, Hospital, Police, and ER. 

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

……………………………………………………………………

Meredith walked into the Grey-Sloan’s ER with Richard by her side. She watched Bailey speaking with the police and security before she went over to the trauma rooms. She didn’t know exactly where Alex and Jo were, but the trauma rooms were her best bet. Jackson came out of trauma room two, pulling out a stretcher with Cross and Warren. The face of the man on the stretcher was black and blue as his eyes were swollen shut, and his nose was set. Jackson caught her eye and walked over to her.

“Is that him?” Meredith guessed as Cross took the man over to the elevators. 

“Alex called you?” Jackson asked, crossing his arms, knowing her answer. 

“Yeah, where are Jo and Alex?” Meredith said, looking over at the empty trauma room one.

“We’ve transferred Jo up to Pre-OP Alex and Stepahine are there with her. I’ll walk up with you. Riggs, can you scrub in with me on Jo’s surgery?” Jackson said as they all walked over to the elevator. 

“Yeah, of course,” Nathan said with a quick nod as they all followed Jackson.

“What happened,” Meredith demanded, putting her hand on Jackson’s arm to stop him. “Alex said that Jo was attached, but he was too distraught to say anything else.”

“Meredith, you know I can’t break HIPPA and tell you, as much as I want to,” Jackson said as he pressed the button for the elevator. 

“Do you need a general surgeon?” Webber asked as they got on the elevator. “You said you needed Cadro, so surely you must need a general surgeon as well.” 

Jackson hesitated, but Meredith glared at him and he knew Richard was right. 

“Okay fine,” Jackson said, pulling up Jo’s chart on the tablet and handing it over to her. Meredith quickly read over the chart and was shocked to see her injuries. Although they weren't extensive, they could have been. Meredith had seen injuries like this in car accidents or hangings, but never at the hands of another person. 

“Heart and lung functions look good, and it seems that there's good blood flow in both carotid arteries, and although she was responsive at the scene and in the ambulance. I want to do a Neuro check post-OP,” Nathan said, reading over the cardiologist report and looking at the MRI and CT results. “I also want to make sure that the swelling I saw on the scans doesn't extend further into her lungs.” 

“Which is why I asked you to scrub in with me. I'm about to do a rigid bronchoscopy to check her airway. Stephanie said that she could hardly pass the tube down when she first intubated Jo at the scene, and I suspect that I’ll have to do an airway stenting,” Jackson said as they stepped off the elevator and walked over to the pre-OP rooms. 

“I'm going to go get changed into scrubs and I'll meet you both in the OR,” Nathan said before he left, giving Meredith a nod. 

Meredith knew she should do the same, but she had to talk to Alex first. Three of them walked into pre-OP and Jackson led them past the other beds to a space that was closed off with curtains. He pulled it back to reveal Alex and Stephanie sitting at Jo's bedside. Jo was still unconscious and the bruises on Jo's neck made her pause. Meredith had watched Jo grow from a shy and unsteady intern to a confident and assertive resident. Seeing her unconscious on the bed was unsettling, especially given the circumstances.

“I'm going to go up to the OR and scrub in, but I'll tell the nurses to wait a few minutes before they bring her up. Do you have any more questions?” Jackson said, his voice soft as he spoke to them, putting his hand on Alex's shoulder.

Alex only shook his hand in a no as he continued to stare at Jo. Jackson left with Webber, leaving the three of them alone. Meredith came over and put her hand on Alex's shoulder, rubbing his back.

“Thanks for coming, Mere,” Alex said, glancing up at her, and Meredith frowned as they both looked down at Jo. 

“Jackson told us what happened and I'll be scrubbing in on the bronchoscopy to keep an eye on her,” Meredith reassured him. 

“Thank you,” Alex said as he grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“How did it happen?” Meredith asked, looking between Alex and Stephanie.

Stephanie cleared her throat and sat up straighter. She was holding Jo’s other hand and rubbing circles on the back of her hand with her thumb. 

“I met Jo at the bar earlier today. She was drunk, really drunk, so I took her back to the loft. Alex came back and the three of us fell asleep. I woke up to the plant breaking on the floor and I sat up and looked over to see that he was on top of her. He was choking her and digging his knee into her chest. Then Alex punched him and got him off of her. Jo was, she was awake, conscious, and moving around, but she couldn't breathe. I had to intubate her and we called for an ambulance to bring her here.” 

“Who was that guy that attacked her?” Alex said, looking up at Stephanie, Meredith could see the desperation in his eyes, and she watched Stephanie take a deep breath.

“Jo only told me about his existence a few hours ago and she didn’t tell me his name. She was drunk and I think that's the only reason she told me. Jo was crying, and she just said that he was physically abusive to her and that she ran away from him, but…” Stephanie paused as she was barely able to keep her voice from breaking as she spoke.

Stephanie trailed off as she looked between the two of them. She bit her lip as if she was still hesitant to spill all of Jo’s secrets, but given the current situation, Meredith knew they would all come out eventually. 

“Alex, she said that she was still married to him.”

“What?” Alex whispered in disbelief. 

“Jo said she was trying to divorce him. I don't know how. She must have a lawyer or something. She wanted to be with you, but she was afraid he wouldn't sign the papers or that he would, well, that he would do something like this,” Stephanie said as she looked down at Jo’s wrist and picked at the hospital ID bracelet. “She said that Josephine Wilson wasn't her real name. I think she changed it when she ran away from him so he couldn't find her.”

“That's why she said she couldn't marry me. That’s why she said no,” Alex said with wide eyes as he rubbed his hand over his jaw, looking away in shock. “This morning, I went back to the loft to get a few more pairs of clothes. Jo was there, and she told me that she was all in, that she loved me, and that we could be a family, but I didn't think that was enough. I told her I was done with drama, that I wanted her to be my wife, and the look on her face, I thought. When she said she couldn't marry me, I just thought she didn't want to. I didn't think it meant that she couldn't actually marry me. If I had known, I would have, I don't know, I just, I never would have forced her to divorce him if she didn’t want to. This is my fault. I pushed her to do this.”

“Alex,” Stephanie said, reaching out and putting her hand over his as they both held Jo’s hand. “You and I both know that Jo doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. If she started the divorce proceedings, it wasn't just because of you. It was because she wanted to divorce him.”

“But I gave her the ultimatum. I said be my wife, or I’d end things, but if I had known, I never would have said that. I should never have said that,” Alex said, shaking his head as he looked down at Jo. “Why didn't she tell me? I would have helped her. I would have protected her.”

“She knew that,” Stephanie stressed as he looked up at her. “But I think she was scared of him hurting you or something, and she said she had to do it on her own.”

Alex shook his head as he pulled Jo’s hand to his lips, kissing her hand before holding it against his cheeks as more tears streamed down his face. “I should have known. I never should have left her. I should have woken up earlier before he got there. I should have protected her.”

“You came back. If you weren't there, lord knows, I wouldn't have been able to stop him. You did protect her,” Stephanie whispered as they both stared down at Jo.

“Stephanie's right,” Meredith said, rubbing his shoulder. “You went back to her, you were there. You fought him off, you helped Stephanie save her. You brought her here, and you did everything right, Alex, and Jo knows that.”

“She's right, Alex. You saved her,” Stephanie said with a slight smile before she shook her head. “I thought I knew all Jo’s secrets after she told me about how she lived in her car as a teenager, but that was only part of the story.” 

This was news to Meredith, although it didn't surprise her, given what Alex had said about Jo's past. Alex hadn't shared much with her, other than she had it rough like he did as a foster kid. Meredith didn't push the details because, like Alex, Jo’s past was her own. She, of all people, knew how everyone deserved to have their secrets. 

“Yeah, I thought, I knew all of them too, but I get why she kept this from me,” Alex said as he reached down and put his hand on Jo’s head as he rubbed his thumb over her forehead. “For the longest time, I never told anyone about my Dad. Jo only found out about it because she showed up when I was taking a paternity test to be sure it was him. She took care of him when I couldn't. She was there for me, even when I didn't let her, but I wasn't there for her, but I promise you, Jo, I'm here for you now,” 

Alex said the last line only for her as he leaned down and kissed her forehead before closing his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. 

Several of the nurses, including Bokhee, came over and pulled back the curtains. “They're ready for her in the OR.” 

“I'll walk up with her and change when I get there,” Meredith said, putting her purse and coat on a chair, knowing that they would watch over her stuff.

Alex nodded and brushed the hair away from Jo’s face. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of her lips. His lips lingered on her skin and Stephanie looked away for a moment before he pulled back. Alex stepped back, finally letting go of Jo's hand and gently placing it on her stomach. Meredith remembered how Jo always wrapped her arm around Alex's neck. It was possessive and sweet, and every time Meredith watched them together, she knew they were meant to be. 

Meredith helped the nurses put up the railings and switch Jo to manual intubation as they took off the brakes. She stood at the side of the bed next to Bokhee and pushed the bed forward. As they pushed open the doors out of pre-OP, she took one last look at Alex. He stood there waiting for them as another nurse directed him and Stephanie towards the waiting room. Alex just stood there with his hands in his pockets, staring at Jo. Meredith knew that it would break him if anything happened to Jo, and she was determined to watch over her and make sure that never happened.

……………………………………………………………………

The nurse took them to the waiting room, but Alex barely registered what was going on around him. He had barely had any time to process the fact that Jo was married and that she was getting a divorce. He could hardly believe it. All he could think about was the image of Jo lying on the ground with him on top of her. He could still remember the way she gasped for air before Stephanie intubated her and how fragile she looked on the hospital bed as they wheeled her into surgery.

“Dr. Karev, Dr. Karev?” 

Alex looked up from where he was staring at the floor to the black female officer standing before him before he looked over at Stephanie, who was seated next to him, holding Meredith’s things that he had forgotten. 

“Yeah, sorry.”

“It's alright,” the officer said, giving a slight smile as she sat down in front of him on the coffee table. “My name is Officer Tatum, and I've been dispatched by the detectives to take your statements. Could you please tell me what happened tonight?” 

Alex nodded, and he and Stephanie did their best to give a detailed statement to the officer as visions of what happened flashed in his head. To be honest, from the moment he saw Jo on the floor to ending up in the hospital, it was all just a blur. Luckily for him, Stephanie seemed to remember most of it and was able to give the officer everything she needed

“Thank you,” Officer Tatum said as she finished writing. “I have a few questions for you both, if you don't mind?”

“Yeah, sure,” Alex said, not entirely sure that he had a choice anyway. 

“Do you know why Dr. Wilson was attacked in your apartment tonight? We have reason to believe that Dr. Wilson let her attacker into your apartment as the door was open, and there was no sign of forced entry,” Officer Tatum said, looking between the two of them before her eyes settled on Alex.

“Yes,” Stephanie said before Alex could even think of an answer. “Jo said that he was her abusive husband. She mentioned that she ran away from him a few years ago and told me about some of the abuse she endured when they were together. She also mentioned that she was in the process of divorcing him.” 

“Did Dr. Wilson tell this to you?”

“Yes, she told me about her husband and the abuse, and after he attacked her, I asked her if it was him, and she nodded yes.” 

“Okay,” Officer Tatum said, writing everything down before she looked back at them again. “And what kind of abuse did Dr. Wilson alleged happened?”

“She said it was physical. That he would hit her and that's why she ran away from him.”

“And what did Dr. Wilson tell you about her divorce proceedings?”

“Nothing other than the fact that she was divorcing him. I asked if she had a restraining order against him, but she didn't answer.”

Officer Tatum just nodded as she continued to write everything down. “Do you happen to know Dr. Wilson's husband’s name?”

“No, actually, we don't even know Jo's married name. She said she changed it when she ran away,” Stephanie said with a shrug and she shook her head.

Alex just kind of watched the exchange happen. He was still trying to process everything. The fact that Jo was married, that her abusive ex-husband had shown up, and that he tried to kill her. 

“Okay, is there any other relevant information that I should know, such as Dr. Wilson’s lawyer's information or other documents she kept from her marriage or proof of the abuse?”

Stephanie stayed silent and it took Alex a moment to realize that they were both staring at him. “Um, no, I didn't know, maybe, I didn’t even know she was married until tonight.”

“So for five years, you had no idea that the woman you've been dating, your friend, was married?” Officer Tatum asked, raising an eyebrow at them.

“No,” Alex said as he looked over at Stephanie, who just looked as floored as he was. He could hardly believe it himself.

Officer Tatum softened as she took in their expression before she closed her notebook. “One last thing Dr. Karev, do the detectives have permission to search your apartment?”

“Um, yeah, but what for?”

“We’ll be searching for any information that can link Dr. Wilson to her husband, the man who attacked her. I'm sure that Dr. Wilson will make a statement and clear everything up when she's out of surgery, but in the meantime, We'd like to contact our own investigation in hopes that we can shed more light on the situation.”

“Okay,” Alex said as he nodded. He could tell that the detectives didn't quite believe their story, but he knew that the truth would out. It always did. 

Officer Tatum returned his nod and handed him her business card before she left him and Stephanie alone in the waiting room. Alex looked up at the clock as he calculated how much time passed and how much longer Jo would be in surgery. Then he sat and waited as he processed the events of the night.

……………………………………………………………………

“What kind of person does this to Jo? She's so sweet and her hair is so nice. Who would want to hurt her?” Cross asked as he sat staring at the unconscious man on the gurney after they settled him in Pre-OP, waiting for Jackson to call them up after he was done with Jo’s surgery.

“I don't know,” Ben said as he finished up the paperwork, shaking his head. He still didn’t know what happened but, Cross was right. Jo didn’t deserve this. “According to his wallet. It says that his name is Paul Stadler. His business card says he’s a doctor at Orlando Medical.”

“Orlando, that's weird. Jo never mentioned anything about Florida,” Cross said before jumping away from Paul. “He just moved.”

“Yeah, it looks like he's waking up,” Ben said as he walked over to the bed. 

Paul Stadler turned his head back and forth as he opened his eyes. He squinted in the harsh light before he looked over at Ben. He tried to move his hands but couldn't because of the restraints. “Where am I? What, what's going on?” 

“Mr. Stadler, don't try and move. You’re at Grey-Sloan Memorial,” Ben said, putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to stop jerking at his restraints. “Cross, go get Bailey and the police.”

Cross nodded before quickly running out of the room. 

“The police?” Paul asked, looking confused before his eyes went wide and he looked over at Ben. “Yes, please get the police, and please tell me, is Brooke okay? I think she said she goes by another name now, maybe Josephine?”

“You're talking about Jo? The woman you beat up? I can't disclose her personal medical information, but I can tell you that she's pressing charges.” Ben said, glaring at him. Even if it wasn’t fully true, Ben wanted him to know that he wasn’t getting away with this.

“What, what are you talking about?” Paul asked, looking confused. “Why would Brooke press charges against me when I was trying to help her?”

“Look whenever you say went on…” Ben started to say, but Paul cut him off.

“No, you have to believe me. Look, I know we’ve been separated, but I got a call from Brooke last night out of the blue. She was crying and she said she was scared. She said that her boyfriend was hurting her and so I rushed over to her place. When I got there, I found him on top of her. I pulled him off and then he punched me. I guess her other friend woke up or something. I don't remember but, I remember this guy with a scruffy beard and a gray shirt. He was on top of her.”

Ben shook his head, of course, he didn't believe Paul's story about Alex. He was occasionally volatile, yes, but he would never hurt Jo.

“You have to believe me. I would never lay a hand on my wife?”

“Your wife?” Ben asked, his eyes going wide as he stepped back. 

“Yes, I have a picture of her in my wallet. It's from our wedding day, please just look at it. You have to believe me,” Paul begged him, looking into Ben's eyes. 

Ben narrowed his eyes at him, but stepped back and turned around. He opened Paul's wallet and looked through it until he found the photo tucked in one of the cardholders. Sure enough, there was Paul and Jo, pressed up against each other with happy smiles. Jo in a white dress with a bouquet and Paul and a pristine suit. Behind it was an ID with Jo’s picture with the name Brooke Stadler, meaning he wasn’t lying. They were married.

“Please, I would never hurt your wife. You have to believe me,” Paul said as Ben looked back at him. He had to tell Miranda.

[echo-bleu]

somewhere to begin

This fic fills the Hurt/Comfort tag of my @shadowhunterbingo​ card and it was also my entry for the @malecdiscordserver​ ‘s fic crawl!

Pairing: Pre-Malec

Length: 3k

Summary: 1x07 canon divergence. After he stays behind to hold off the Shax demons and give Jace and Clary a chance to escape, Alec is badly injured. It's a race to get him back to the Institute and get the closest warlock to heal him. Said closest warlock happens to be the one he recently shared his strength with.

Read on AO3.

Jace is almost back at the Institute when he feels it. It's not pain, not exactly. Parabatai wouldn't be much use in battle if they both went down every time one of them was injured. It's a specific kind of discomfort, though, that Jace has long learned to associate with Alec being hurt. He feels it often, these days, like it's always here at the back of his mind, but this is an order of magnitude worse.

He left Alec alone to hold the demons back, but the demons still found their way to him, Clary and Izzy − Jace should have known right away that it didn't bode well for Alec. Yet all he thought about was getting Clary and the cup to safety, not his parabatai, not his brother. What's wrong with him?

It's too late to reflect on this now. He needs to find Alec. Clary isn't back at the Institute yet, and neither is Izzy. They're all in danger, his siblings and the girl he's starting to care about too much. He has to do something.

The intensified discomfort says Alec is in serious trouble, and the one Jace needs to focus on. If he's alone and injured among Shax demons, and maybe something much worse…

He runs back, retracing his steps into the tunnels. Where demons were everywhere before, things are now eerily quiet. His left side aches, in places Jace knows his own body is fine. He stumbles, multiple times, as stabbing pains overtake him, and that can only mean one thing: Alec’s injuries are bad enough that his side of the bond is leaking. Jace is capable of blocking it, of saving himself from this pain, but hurting with Alec almost seems like a fitting punishment for leaving him behind.

His seraph blade is ready in his left hand, though, the other hand tracking his parabatai, resting over the rune. Every minute that passes, his worry eats at him, scenarios worse and worse coursing through his mind.

In the end, he's not even the one who finds Alec. He comes to a screeching halt at a tunnel intersection, where his tracking led him, to find Clary, a shell-shocked expression on her face, and Luke, who is dragging more than supporting a barely conscious Alec. Jace doesn't have time to see more before Clary steps in front of them. “Where did we meet?” she asks coldly.

Jace blinks at her tone, until his brain processes her question. Right, shapeshifter demons. What happened? “Outside Pandemonium,” he answers. “You bumped into me. It's really me.”

Clary sighs in relief and jumps into his arms. Torn between comforting her − comforting himself, the part of him that is weak in the knees at the opportunity to embrace her − and panicking for Alec, Jace allows the hug to last a couple of seconds. “Alec?” he asks fearfully.

Alec moans, weakly moving. Luke’s grip is clearly the only thing holding him up. Jace slips an arm around Clary's waist and guides her closer, without letting go of her. “A demon got him bad,” Luke says. “I've got the pack taking care of the others.”

Jace meets his eyes and nods. “We need to get him back to the Institute.” He fixes his eyes on Alec, taking in the blood − barely visible on his dark clothes in the dim light, but dripping from his exposed hand − the ruined jacket and pants, and more than anything, the pain in Alec's already feverish eyes as he struggles to focus on Jace's face.

“Jace,” he mutters, barely audible.

“I'm here, brother,” Jace lays a hand on his cheek, the only part of Alec he knows for sure isn't injured right now. “We'll get you home, okay?” He takes out his stele and starts drawing an iratze, but Luke shakes his head. “The venom is already in his blood, and the wounds are too deep. It won't be enough.”

“It will be something,” Jace says through his teeth, quickly moving his hand. But Luke is right. The iratze lights up on Alec's skin but dims immediately. Alec closes his eyes. “Stay with me,” Jace murmurs, slipping Alec’s free arm around his own shoulders. Alec cries out when it pulls on his wounds. “We have to go.”

The walk back is a bit of a blur. They can't run without risking to aggravate Alec's injuries, but Jace itches to go faster. Clary looks exhausted, worried, and he lets her lean against him on his other side, while holding up a barely responsive Alec. He feels useless. The worsening ache in his side isn't making it easier, but he still refuses to block it out entirely. Alec moans when he can't contain his pain, and each of the low sounds cut through Jace like a seraph blade.

“The infirmary,” he directs Luke. “We need−”

“Alec!” Izzy falls in step with them, trying to see her brother without slowing them down. “Is he−”

“What you need is a warlock,” Luke says. “He's alive,” he adds to Izzy. “For now.”

“Magnus Bane,” Clary says. “He'll help.”

“Call him!” Izzy tells her, directing Luke over to the medical table. They don't have a proper field medic in the Institute at the moment, let alone a doctor, so Izzy and her forensic specialty is the best they can do. “Put him down.”

Alex cries out weakly when Luke lifts him onto the table. His head lolls to the side, glistening with sweat. “He's fading,” Luke murmurs.

“The warlock better get here fast,” Jace murmurs, fishing for scissors to cut off Alec's clothes and get at his wound.

It's bad, worse than he feared. Alec's entire left side is a mess of torn flesh, deep claw marks going down his hip and leg. Even if it wasn't poisoned, it would have been more than an iratze can heal. As it is, the only thing they can do is try to slow the bleeding.

The minutes until Clary comes back, still on the phone, and a portal opens right in the middle of the infirmary feel like ages to Jace. He and Izzy share dark looks as they work, alternating between bandaging Alec's wounds and trying to keep him awake. Luke stands awkwardly to the side, arms and chest covered in blood. When Magnus walks through the portal, glittery and magnificent as ever, they take a collective breath of relief.

Magnus hisses when he sees Alex, naked but for his combat shoes that they haven't had time to bother removing, his modesty just barely covered by a sheet arranged to keep his injuries exposed. The compression bandages Jace and Izzy have put on his wounds are already drenched in blood, and Alec is paler than a ghost, mumbling feverishly.

“What happened?” Magnus asks, gently pushing Clary out of the way.

“Shax demons,” Jace answers. “Maybe something else, I don't know. We got separated.” Code for 'Alec stayed behind and I let him'. He swallows back the guilt. It's not useful, right now.

Magnus makes a complicated hand wave and blue light seeps into Alec's body, engulfing him. Alec reacts to it, almost leaning in, finally relaxing a little. The ache in Jace's side fades slightly. “What are you doing?” he murmurs. He should let Magnus work, but he needs to know what’s happening, he needs to know if Alec is going to be okay.

Magnus shifts his stance. “Just taking away the pain for now,” he answers. “So he can lose consciousness without his body fighting back. You have a rune for blood replenishing, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jace nods.

“I need to flush out the poison, and it will make him lose a lot of blood. He’s already going into shock, so I need you to draw the rune and keep it powered while I work.” Create new blood faster than Alec is losing it, Jace translates. He can do that. He grabs Alec’s right arm and finds an empty spot to draw the rune.

“I’m all set,” he says, trying to keep his eyes off the bleeding wounds, where Magnus has made the bandages disappear. He feels queasy, weak, and he no longer knows how much of that is coming from the parabatai bond.

Izzy slips beside Jace and grabs Alec's hand, just under the place where Jace is holding his wrist. Jace bumps shoulders with her, trying to convey silent support. Luke pulls Clary into his arms as she starts crying with exhaustion and fear.

Together, entranced by Magnus’ magic swirling around Alec’s body, they wait.

*

Magnus collapses into a chair, exhausted, as his magic fizzles out of existence. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he started working on Alec’s injuries, but it feels like an eternity. And he knows what he’s talking about.

He resists the itch to conjure a clock, knowing that his magic is all but depleted. It makes his skin crawl, being close to powerless in a Shadowhunter Institute of all places. Why did he let it go so far? He’s not normally this careless.

Because Alexander would not have survived otherwise, his brain supplies. But what is the life of one Shadowhunter? They die all the time. This wouldn’t be the first time one has died on Magnus’ watch, even. He’s never cared before. He’s made no mystery of the strong pull he feels toward Alec, even to himself, but is he already this important? Healing Luke was one thing, Luke is a Downworlder, one of Magnus’ own, and a useful political ally. Alec is none of these things.

“Magnus?” Clary’s high pitched voice pulls him out of his thoughts, and he realizes that the Shadowhunters must have called him more than once. He shakes his head to clear the fog, but it only makes the room swim.

“Shit,” he murmurs, barely catching himself on the arms of the chair.

“You okay?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Just overexerted myself a little.” His throat is dry, and he coughes to clear it, regretting again that he can’t just conjure himself a glass of water.

“Did you—Is he—” Jace struggles to find the words. Magnus raises his head to look at them, and finds all four of them – Jace, Isabelle, Luke and Clary – staring at him. He looks at the table where Alec still lies, now at eye level from his sitting position, and only now takes in the blood-soaked bandages around Alec’s torso and left leg, and the uncovered gashes still slowly leaking blood.

“He should live,” Magnus says. The others all sigh in relief. Isabelle leans her head against Alec’s in an intimate gesture of support, while Jace drops into a chair like a puppet whose strings have been dropped. “Once I’ve replenished my energy, I’ll be able to help him more, but for now the poison is out of his system. Shax wounds are resistant to magic though, so his body will have to do some of the healing on its own. You’ll need to stitch the larger gashes close.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Isabelle says. “We can get one of the Clave medics to help if we need to.”

“How long—” Magnus waves a weak hand toward Alec.

“You were working on him for about four hours,” Jace answers.

Ah. That would explain the magic depletion, and the deep fatigue setting in his bones. He lost track of time, too focused on getting every last tendril of poison out of Alec’s body. The table underneath Alec is covered in a disgusting mix of drying blood and ichor, dripping slowly onto the floor.

“Thank you so much for your help, Magnus,” Isabelle appears in his field of vision, and he realizes he’s zoned out again. “You will be compensated, of course. You’ll forgive us if we don’t take care of it tonight? Alec normally handles those things.”

Magnus makes a vague gesture with his head. Payment is the furthest thing from his mind right now – and it really shouldn’t be, but Alec looks pained and cold in his sleep, shivering from the blood loss, and he can’t keep his eyes away.

“Do you want to rest before you leave?” Isabelle asks. She looks exhausted too, they all do. Magnus blinks, willing his brain to process what she just said.

“Uh, can I just—” he waves vaguely toward one of the empty infirmary bed. He’s not sure he’d make it to another room if he tried, and he feels safer here than alone somewhere unknown in the Institute. No one will try to attack him here, not in the presence of the Lightwoods.

Plus, he finds that he doesn’t want to let Alec out of his sight. Not yet. He needs to make sure he didn’t do all this work for nothing, after all.

“We’ll have to make you move if someone comes in injured, but for now you should be good,” Isabelle says.

Magnus leans heavily on the arms of his chair to stand up. The dizziness hits almost immediately, but he rides it out until it abates enough to let him move. Isabelle frowns at him as he makes his way to the bed, hunched over and barely keeping his balance, but she doesn’t say anything.

Magnus hoists himself up on the bed with difficulty and doesn’t even bother kicking off his shoes. He turns on his side immediately to see Alec. Isabelle is laying down the supplies for stitches, while Jace traces runes Magnus is too tired to recognize on the rare blank spots left on Alec’s body that aren’t lacerated.

The two of them remove the bandages one by one to sew up the largest gashes, and Magnus watches them in silence, fighting sleep. He doesn’t even know why he’s resisting anymore. Alec isn’t out of danger by a far cry, but he’s stable for now, so this is his chance.

“Have you told your parents yet?” he asks suddenly. He’d rather know in advance if he runs the risk of Maryse and Robert Lightwood dropping in unannounced. How these people raised a beautiful soul like Alec is beyond him.

“They’re back in Idris for now,” Jace answers. “They’re waiting for news, but they’re stuck in Alicante unless he takes a turn for the worse.”

“Let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” Magnus says dryly. The effect is somewhat ruined by the huge yawn that follows.

“I’ve got things in hands here,” Isabelle tells him, her voice softer than it’s been all day. “You can rest. We’ll stay with him.”

Magnus fights for another few minutes, but he drifts off to sleep despite him, to the sound of Isabelle’s whispered instructions to Jace.

*

Magnus knocks lightly on the door of the infirmary, under the glare of the Shadowhunter who escorted him through the Institute. It’s been just under two days since he was here last. An emergency with one of his younger warlocks pulled him away as soon as he woke up from his magic-depletion-induced sleep, and he hasn’t been able to come back until now.

“Come in!” comes a voice from inside.

Magnus walks in to find Alec sitting up on his hospital bed, one hand curled around a pair of crutches and the other hovering over his injured side. He’s only wearing sweat pants, his rune-covered upper body exposed except for the stark white bandages taped to his side. He’s in a stand-off with Jace, who is gesturing wildly.

“Tell him he shouldn’t be up yet,” Jace immediately pulls Magnus in. “You’re gonna pull your stitches!”

“I’m fine!” Alec protests, though he very much does not look fine. Even sitting up is clearly an effort, and he has beads of sweat forming on his brow.

“Alright, children, that’s enough,” Magnus waves, seeing clear as day that Alec’s body cannot handle more of this. “If I’m going to check on my healing, I need you lying down,” he tells Alec. Then he points at Jace, “And you, shoo!”

Jace’s eyes widen for a second, before he opens his mouth to protest. Magnus doesn’t even bother listening, and he crosses the room to reach Alec’s side, slipping an arm behind his back to help him lie back down. Alec doesn’t resist, if only because his body is incapable of it.

It’s the first time they’ve touched since Alec shared his strength with him, and the contact is almost electrical, despite Alec’s state. Magnus can’t stop himself from stroking his thumb lightly against one of his runes, hoping Alec doesn’t notice. This isn’t exactly the best time to flirt.

“Will you let me have a look at your injuries?” he asks when Alec lets out a small sigh, without letting go of his arm.

“Why are you doing this?” Alec asks. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“You let me take your strength before. Allow me to return the favor.”

“You already have,” Alec murmurs. “Izzy said I would have bled out without you. You exhausted your magic for me.”

“Then let me make sure I didn’t work for nothing.” Magnus can’t resist a wink, and Alec blushes just a little, despite the fact that his eyes are half closed with fatigue. “I still want a date with you, and it wouldn’t do for you to die before we can plan it.”

Alec just blushes further and doesn’t say anything, like he’s exhausted his capacity to talk. It wouldn’t surprise Magnus, given how pale he looks.

Magnus gently prods at his side with magic. The wounds are, in fact, healing rather well with the help of Isabelle’s stitches and healing runes. Magnus doesn’t have Catarina’s knack for delicate mending magic, but he nudges the raw edges of the gashes together, trying to accelerate the body’s natural process. It should cut Alec’s recovery short by a few days, at least. With his Nephilim blood, he’ll be fully back on his feet within a week.

By the time he’s done, Alec has closed his eyes and he’s breathing slowly and deeply, his body almost relaxed. Assuming that he’s fallen asleep, Magnus drapes the sheets back over his legs and gently tucks them around his chest. But before he can leave, Alec’s hand catches his wrist.

“Hey, Magnus?”

Magnus looks back at his face and finds him staring intently at Magnus’ shoulder. “You’re all set, but you should wait a couple days before you try to get out of bed again,” he says.

Alec nods. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Magnus smiles. “You’re very welcome, Alexander.” He squeezes Alec’s hand around his wrist, briefly, and takes a step back. “Call me, for those drinks.”

Alec laughs weakly, and that sound stays with Magnus for a good while.

[tangledstarlight]

so um. didn’t do much at work today. wrote a thing. my entire thought process for this was ‘luke just. throws himself into any and every fight he sees that involves his friends huh?' and then i thought 'but what would happen if he couldn't fight for them??' and here we are. 

it also stemmed from the fact that luke has big pre-serum steve rogers vibes?? if ya get me. 

it’s a 5 +1 also. if that matters to anyone??

BUT ANYWAY!!!! this has a somewhat happy ending? if you squint? it was gonna be sadder, so idk. hmu if you want the sad ending i guess.

also on ao3

trigger warnings! blood mentions, implied/referenced child abuse, implied homophobia, character deaths (cos they’re yknow. ghosts)

one. Luke had spent so much of his time worrying about Reggie and Alex that he’d never stopped to consider the trouble that Bobby might get himself into.

And then he’s kneeling next to where Bobby is lying on the ground, his leg bent at an odd angle and there was a cut running down his cheek with blood dripping on tarmac. But he’s breathing. And that’s all Luke can find himself focusing on even as he hears the car that had hit him speeding away.

“Hey, hey Bobby. You’re okay man, you’re alright,” his voice is shaking but he doesn’t think Bobby notices, too busy trying realising the amount of pain he’s in. Luke can hear someone shouting behind them, thinks that someone called out about ringing 911, but he doesn’t take his attention away from his friend.

“My leg, Luke my– Fuck my leg hurts!” Bobby tries to sit up, his voice whining and letting out a his of pain as Luke gently keeps him lying in place. A vague memory from some long ago first aid class echoing in his mind about neck injuries and keeping the patient still.

“Yeah man, it’s uh,” his eyes dart down to Bobby’s leg, gulps and looks back up. He’s pretty sure his face must give him away. “It’s probably best you don’t look at it right now. Just, just look at me alright. Helps on the way.”

He can hear people talking around them, someone mentioning how far out the hospital is, another saying how disgusting it is for the driver to just run off without even stopping. Luke tries to tune them out. He can’t chase down a car, can’t find one driver in thousands and hurt them for hurting his friend. All he can do right now is try and distract Bobby from his broken leg and his pain.

“Don’t think I’ll be making it to rehearsals tonight.”

“Suppose we can let you off. This is a better excuse than Reggie’s one about the ducks that chased him,” Luke grins, he can hear sirens in the distance and lets out a shallow breath.

“My dad, I need to–” Bobby trails off and Luke isn’t sure if he’s lost in thought or just not sure what he needs to do. It’s not like either of them have been hit by a car before. They don’t know what they’re meant to do in a situation like this. Luke squeezes his hand, shrugs one of his shoulders.

“It’s alright. We’ll just take it one step at a time, don’t worry.”

There’s a beat of silence between them as they both seem to register what he said before Bobby is laughing and Luke is gaping in silent horror before feeling his own lips shaking with laughter too.

“Can’t believe you just made a comment about walking to a guy that’s just broken his leg. That’s low Patterson, even for you.”

two. Luke knew he had a reputation amongst his friends of being a little oblivious to certain things going on around him. He knew that he could sometimes get too caught up in his song writing, could miss obvious hints that people threw at him, could sometimes completely miss read a room. But he wasn’t stupid.

And he certainly wasn’t blind.

He had known Reggie since pre k. Had seen him at his best and his worst, had been there the day he showed up at school with the worlds worst hair cut, had helped him pick out his first bass from a cheap second hand music shop, had patted his back when Linsday Walters had dumped him during lunch when they were twelve.

Luke knew Reggie better then he knew just about anyone. So he knew when there was something wrong.

Not that it would have taken a genius to know there was something wrong when Luke was woken up at three am on a Thursday to someone knocking at his window. Reggie’s face peered in through the window, back lit by the streetlight across the road and making it incredibly evident that he had been crying, had Luke throwing his blankets off and out of bed quicker then he knew he could move. It took some awkward manoeuvring but eventually Reggie crawled in through the window and stood uncomfortably in the middle of Luke's room.

“Hey Reg…” Luke started, his eyes trailing up and down his friend quickly, trying to pinpoint what had brought him here so late. His eyes caught on the way the bassist held his left arm close to his chest, fingers shaking as he tried to ball his hand into a fist only to wince every time they moved. There were spots of blood on his shirt. Luke heard a roaring in his ears as he put together puzzle pieces of information he had always glanced over.

The Sullivan’s were well known in their friend group as the parents who fought the most. Reggie often made off hand comments and jokes about not getting much sleep, about stepping over broken glass, about falling down the stairs.

It had never once occurred to him that Reggie’s parents might ever hurt him.

“I– I didn’t know where else to go,” Reggie’s voice is quiet, small in a way Luke has never known him to be small. Reggie was always light and loud, the first to fill an awkward silence and to reach out in comfort. In all the years he has known the other boy, Luke doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so subdued.

“You know you can always come here man, windows always open.” It’s an attempt at a joke and all it gets is a half hearted tug of his lips. “Are you bleeding, Reg?” Luke hates having to ask it, hates having to broach a subject that he’s fairly confident Reggie doesn’t want broached, but he needs to know how hurt his friend is.

Reggie blinks down at his arm, still held close to his chest, as if he’d forgotten he was holding it there like that. That it was hurt at all. But now as he looks at his fingers twitching and fresh tears filling his eyes, Luke can see him, physically, mentally, spiritually, falling apart in front of his eyes.

“Woah, hey, hey, it’s okay man. Let’s, let's just get you out of your jacket, yeah? We can do this, one step at a time.”

Luke walks towards him slowly, worried that any sudden moves might set off some kind of flight or fight response in his best friend and the last thing he wants right now is to cause him more pain. Reggie watches him with watery eyes, dipping his head once when Luke reaches out to gently move his arm and slip the leather jacket off him.

There’s a red stained cloth wrapped around his forearm, another around his palm and it takes all Lukes resolve to stay exactly where he is and not jump out his window and run all the way to the Sullivans house and scream at them for being able to hurt someone they’re meant to love. It takes a few more minutes of careful moving and unwrapping, pausing every time Reggie so much as hissed in a breath, before the damage is laid bare for Luke to see.

“Can I ask what happened?” It's a quiet question, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it Luke will drop the subject, wait until he’s ready to talk. But the cuts don’t seem deep, don’t seem like they were purposefully inflicted in the way he had first worried.

“They were– they were shouting at each other. I,” Reggie pauses to breath in, breath out, shakes his head. “I tried to get them to stop. Dad he– he threw a glass at me, mom pushed him then they both pushed me on the ground when I tried to stop them. Guess I kind of deserved it, got in their way.” He says it without making eye contact and Luke can feel himself staring at him with his mouth partly open.

Because Reggie is one of the best people he knows. He’s kind and funny and talented and just has so much love to share with the world that it sometimes comes out too forcefully for people to understand. If Lukes ever had a bad day, he knows without a single doubt in his mind that Reggie will always find a way to cheer him up. He knows that if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t deserve this, it’s Reggie.  

“No, that’s...no. Just no. You don’t deserve any of this Reg,” Luke isn’t sure what to say, how to make him see that nothing about this is okay. Luke is good with words, he’s good at writing down his thoughts and feelings and putting them to a melody and a beat, it’s what he hopes will one day help him achieve his dreams. But right now, right now all he can see is his best friend from childhood crying on his bed and all his words have fled.

He doesn’t know how to fix this. It’s not a fight he can jump into, take a hit while the other runs to find help. Luke has spent half their friendship standing in front of bullies for Reggie but he feels helpless in front of this one. So he gives his friend a smile, squeezes his shoulder and stands up.

“I’m going to find the first aid kit, alright? And mom made some cookies yesterday, there should still be some left. I’ll be right back, okay?” He waits until Reggie gives him a nod, a small smile on his lips before he goes.

Luke can’t fight this fight for him, all he can do is find the first aid kit, clean his cuts, steal him some cookies, and let him know he’ll always be there no matter what.

three. Some fights Luke knew, had to be fought with words. Some couldn’t be won with a quick shove or a haphazard punch to the nose. Some fights, he knew, weren’t his to get involved in. No matter how much he might have wanted to punch Alex’s parents as he stood under the porch light at the front of their house, peering in through the side window at the fight raging inside.

When Alex had first asked him if he’d come with him tonight, if he’d wait outside ‘just in case it goes badly, or y’know even if it goes well’, Luke had said yes without even a hint of hesitation. There was nowhere else he’d be then right here, right now.

Alex coming out to his parents, it was a big deal. It was more than a big deal. It was a life changing moment, a life destroying moment, and Luke wished he could shield him from this hurt. But all he could do was stand outside and watch it all unfold. He’d promised not to get involved. To just be a silent bystander. He really wished he hadn’t made that promise.

The look of disgust and hatred on their faces is something he thinks he’ll remember forever. Even from this distance, a window and a room away, their faces are clear to see.

It’s the exact reaction he had feared would happen, what he knew Alex had always known deep down would happen despite a small part of him hoping for the complete opposite. Holding on to a fruitless hope that his parents would look past all their bigotry and still remember that they loved their son. That he was still the same person he had always been.

It's one the many things that make Alex so wonderful, Luke thinks, the way he holds onto even the smallest bit of light in the dark even when everything shows signs of a total black out approaching.

And his parents are snuffing that light out.

With each shouted word, each hurled insult and slur.

Luke can hear Alex crying, begging for them to listen to him through the ajar door. Can’t they hear his desperation? How can they stand there, hurting him more, while he’s crying right in front of them?

His hands curl into fists at his sides, this isn’t a fight he can take on for Alex, he knows this. But god, he wishes he could just push that door open, deck Mr Bennet in the face, take Alex out of the house and never look back. Luke stays where he’s stood. He’s here as support, as someone to pick up the pieces when they were done, not to start a fist fight. He’d promised.

“Get the hell out of my house! Get out! And don’t ever fucking come back here, you understand? Get out!”

There’s the sound of a scuffle, of Alex saying something that gets lost in the sounds of more insults and words that Luke wishes he didn’t know the meaning of. Then the door is being pushed open and Alex is standing in front of him, face red from crying and hands shaking as he struggles to breathe. Luke doesn’t even think Mrs Bennet notices him as she throws a coat and bag out the door before slamming it shut.

“They– I– oh god,” he can’t seem to get a sentence out, his breathing ragged and Luke knows the signs of an impending panic attack well enough now to know what’s happening. So he puts aside his own anger, pushes down his instincts to fight back, and puts his hands on Alex’s shoulders, bending his head to get the blonde to look at him.

“Hey, hey, look at me man. Just breath. In and out, in and out, like me.”

They stand like that for a few minutes, breathing in and out until Alex has some semblance of control over his own lungs again and gives Luke the smallest of nods of reassurance that he doesn’t believe for a second. But he lets go of his shoulders, bends down to pick up the coat and bag, slinging a strap over his shoulder and offering the coat out to Alex. It’s still early spring and it’s bound to get cold.

“They–,” Alex has to take another moment, eyes darting between the closed door and the items in Luke's hands, “Th– they kicked me out.” His voice breaks on the word.

“I know.” Because there’s nothing else he can offer Alex right now other than his understanding.

He can’t take on this fight for him, can’t absorb the blows or the hurtful words, can’t go inside the house and force his parents to take back all the hurt they have caused in such a short amount of time. All Luke can do is reach out to take Alex’s hand and gently pull him down the road, away from the only place he had ever called home and give him somewhere to feel safe. Somewhere he can fall apart and put himself back together again.

“Come on, let's go back to mine,” he gives Alex’s hand a gentle squeeze and walks at the pace he’s set. It’s slow, hesitante, almost like he’s walking in a daze and is just letting himself be pulled along, muttered things under his breath.

“What am I going to do? God they’re right.”

Luke tilts his head to look into the drummer's face, frowns at the distant look he finds in the other boy's eyes even as his lips move, words he probably doesn’t even realise he’s saying out loud spilling from his lips. So he pulls them to a stop and stands in front of the blonde, grabbing hold of his other hand until he’s gripping them both.

“Hey Alex, Alex look at me man. Look at him,” Luke waits until he’s got Alex’s eyes on him, until he can see the drying tear tracks on his cheeks and can watch as he tries to keep a fresh wave from falling. “We take this one step at a time, okay? We get through tonight, and then we take on tomorrow.”

Something in his words seems to catch his attention and Alex takes in a ragged breath, eyebrows furrowing.

“We?”

“Yeah man. You’re stuck with me forever. You, me and Reggie did that whole blood oath with tomato juice thing like five years ago, remember? I’m not ever going anywhere,” Luke frees one of his hands and pushes Alex’s shoulder, grateful when he gets a huffed laugh and roll of his eyes in return.

They walk the rest of the way back to his house in silence, but Alex seems just a little more settled in himself then he had half an hour before and Luke takes that for a win.

four. Whenever Luke had thought about dying – and he hadn’t really given it much thought, he was seventeen, he was supposed to have more time – he’d always assumed it would be when he was old and in his bed.

Or maybe in some tragic accident like other rock stars before him.

He had never stopped to consider it would be a fucking hotdog.

The pain had started suddenly and forcefully, making sure it was the only thing he could think about. Like it had wanted to be the star of the show and would do so in any way possible. Luke can’t remember what it felt like to not be in pain.

Alex lets out a guttural moan of pain next to him that draws Lukes attention, stretching out his arm until his hand brushes the fabric of Alex’s pink hoodie, twisting his fingers into it so he knows that he’s there. That he’s not alone.

Reggie is quieter, even as he vomits – and Luke is trying to ignore the blood he can see, trying to not think about what that means – his chest heaving even as a paramedic rushes towards them. Luke catches Reggie’s eyes, tries to make his mouth move, to form words, to let him know something, anything.

But Luke doesn’t know what he would say even if he could. He doesn’t know how to save them from this. Doesn’t know if he can.

Luke had never thought about what happens after you die, but ending up in a dark room with Alex crying and Reggie sitting scarily still, it wouldn’t have been high on his list of possibilities. As he walked around the room, left hand on the wall so he could follow it around and around, Luke wondered if he could have fought harder to live. And then he sees Alex’s eyes going dim, sees Reggie’s chest stop moving, and remembers feeling his heart break. He doesn’t think this is a fight he ever had a chance at winning.

Whenever he’d thought about life and death and what came next, he always put it off. He just always figured he’d get the time, later in life, to think about it all. He’d been trying to take his life one step at a time and he’d accidentally leapt to the end goal by mistake without getting any of the fun in between.

They were seventeen and death wasn’t supposed to be something they gave much thought too and now they had all eternity to think about it. At least they’d have each other he guesses.

five. Twenty six years after dying Luke finds himself once again thinking about it.

Death.

Dying.

He doesn’t really think it’s something you can fight, if the Grim Reaper comes calling he’s going to leave with a soul. But Luke would personally fight the Death themselves if it meant he’d never have to see Julie cry the way she is right now. Soft and heartbroken and never ending.

But he can’t fight death. All he can do is sit next to her on the couch in the garage, one arm wrapped around her shoulders and the other holding her hand – because they’re tangible more and more often now, and on any other day he would be smiling like an idiot at getting to hold her like this. But it’s not any other day. It’s today and he’s just grateful he can touch here at all. – as she cries silently on his shoulder.

Alex has settled himself on the other side of Julie, tucking her legs under his longer ones almost like a blanket to keep her safe. Reggie has pulled a bean bag over in front of the couch and has his head resting between Julie's knees and Lukes. Each a solid presence around her.

Some days he can almost forget that the reason they are here at all is because Julie lost one of the most important people in her life. And that it was in grief and avoidance of memories and the need for a fresh start that she put on a cd and they had poofed back into the world.

He finds himself wishing he knew more about her. 

The woman who had kept their EP, their shirt that couldn’t hold up in water, who had remembered them even when the world had forgotten.

“Tell us about your mom, Jules,” Luke whispers, not wanting to disturb the quiet bubble they have created but being unable to stop himself either. Julie’s crying stilts, her breathing stuttering as if she’s trying to comprehend what he’s asked. She knows she can always say no, that she can just not respond if she doesn’t want to. But Luke knows that this is the sort of pain you can’t fight, but you can ease it. He’s pretty sure Julie knows that too.

After a few minutes when Julie doesn’t say anything Luke accepts that she’s maybe not ready to talk yet and that would be okay too, they can just sit in silence.

But then slowly, hesitantly, Julie starts talking. 

Starts telling them about her mom who had taught her to play the piano by sitting her on her knee. Who had chased her around the beach and made her laugh until her side hurt when they’d buried ray in the sand while he napped. Who had stayed up all night sewing tassels and strands of fabric together because Carlos just had to be Cousin Itt for Halloween.

She tells them about the times they had curled up watching her favourite films, the way they had shouted the lyrics to their favourite songs loudly in the car, their disastrous first attempt at making a rainbow cake.

She’s still crying, still keeps her fingers linked between Lukes, still lets her other hand alternate between Reggie's hair and tapping on Alex’s knee. But there’s a light in her eyes that hadn’t been there that morning, she’s laughing through her tears a little bit more with each story.

“I miss her,” she says eventually, letting out a shaking breath.

“I know,” Luke says, because it’s not really the same but he knows what it’s like to miss someone.

“But it’ll hurt just a little bit less each day,” Reggie chimes in, because it’s not really the same but he knows what it’s like to miss someone even when it hurts to think of them.

“And y’know, she’s always with you because you’ve got all these stories to share,” Alex tilts his head at her with a smile, because it’s not really the same but he knows that holding on to the good memories is sometimes all you have.

“Thanks guys,” she gives them a watery smile. “I don’t know what I’d do with you all.”

Luke doesn’t like to dwell too long on that thought, on a world where they pass over and leave her alone. Because it’s an all too real possibility so he pushes the thought back and nudges her shoulder and smiles.

“Nah, you’d be fine. You’d just take it one step at a time, you don’t have to go fast, you just gotta get through it.”

He doesn’t think he’s said anything too weird but Julie is looking at him with wide eyes and a silent ‘o’ on her lips. Luke frowns at her wondering what he’s done wrong now.

“Don’t look at him like that, it’s his go to advice for any problem. Just take it one day at a time,” Reggie laughs, imitating Luke’s voice as he says it and nudging his leg as he wiggles his eyebrows which causes Alex to laugh and draws Julie in too. 

And Luke doesn’t mind that they’re kind of laughing at him, he’s just glad Julie is smiling. He’s not sure he’d win a fight with Death, but he’d give it a go if she asked.

+one. When Caleb pops back into their lives it happens so suddenly that Luke doesn’t even have a chance to second guess what he’s doing. All he knows is that Caleb is threatening the people he cares most about in the world, that there’s one option in front of him which only gets him hurt and Luke really hates bullies.

He doesn’t think about the pain that the jolts cause or that there’s a very good chance he’ll never see his family again or that playing music without Alex and Reggie and Julie just isn’t worth it.

He doesn’t think about that.

He thinks being seven and meeting Reggie, about meeting Alex, about meeting Bobby.

He thinks about all the bullies he was never big enough to protect them from, quick enough to run away from.

He thinks about when they were fifteen and Bobby got his by a car, broke his leg and got a concussion and how Luke just wasn’t quick enough to push him out of the way.

He thinks about being sixteen and Reggie knocking on his window covered in cuts and bruises and how Luke wasn’t able to protect him from the people who were meant to protect him.

He thinks about being seventeen and calming Alex’s breathing as his parents' shouts still echo around their heads and how Luke couldn’t make it any better because he didn’t have the power to change minds.

He thinks about being seventeen and suggesting they get street dogs and dying, about not being able to save them.

He thinks about being seventeen and stuck in a dark room for twenty five years and how Alex cried and Reggie looked lost and how Julie had to lose her mom to find them.

He thinks about Julie, crying between them all as she misses her mom and how much it would hurt her to lose them all.

“Luke, please. Don’t.” 

Julie holding his hand, trying to pull him away. He can feel Reggie gripping tight to his other hand, standing half behind him with Alex who’s twisted his fingers into the material of his shirt. Standing behind him, just where they had always joked they’d be in a fight.

But Luke was never joking about it. Taking the hits so they don’t have to? It’s the easiest choice he’s ever made. It’s the one he’ll always make.

“I don’t want any of you to get hurt.”

Luke doesn’t realise he’s crying until his vision starts to blur a little, the image of Caleb in front of them going fuzzy.

“We take it one step at a time, Luke,” Reggie squeezes his hand tighter, tugging him back half a step.

“And we do it together, remember? A blood oath with tomato juice, Luke. We’re stuck together,” the hand Alex had had gripping his shirt loosens just enough to to circle around his bicep and he manages to tug him back another step.

“We can’t get through this if we don’t have you Luke. You don’t need to make the sacrifice play. There’s always another way,” Julie’s crying too, he notices belatedly as her tears drip on to the hand she is holding, his knuckles pressing against her lips.

“Come on man. Let’s go home.”

Luke holds steady for a second longer, eyes focused on Caleb's face before he gives in, letting the three of them pull him back from a line he can’t uncross. 

But he’d do it. 

He’d do it in one of his non-existent heart beats if it meant they’d be safe. He’s always jumped into a fight without a second thought. And for Reggie and Alex and Julie? He’d do it in even less. If they’d let him.

[marueonmain]

WINDFLOWER

part ten ~ does that ruin this? ~

(part one) (part two) (part three) (part four) (part five) (part six) (part seven) (part eight) (part nine) (part ten)

A/N: I do not write revisions as to be confusing; I write revisions to prove to myself I can do better. I am open to listen to your comments and suggestions always. Messages/Asks made this update possible.

IMPORTANT: this part includes a revision of a deleted part so if you start reading and it sounds familiar, do not click off.

Summary: Alex and George are untruthful with each other. Alex clarifies a situation and hopes it does not make Y/N feel differently about him.

Pairing: imallexx x reader

Warning: Minor Language. Small Reference to Disordered Eating Habits. Minor Non-Graphic Injury. Fluff. 

Word Count: 3.5k

“Ok. I’ll walk with you.”

Y/N removed her hand from atop his – resting on her knee – and pulled herself up to stand. She offered him her hand again once firm on her bare feet. Alex took it and felt Y/N actually pulling at him as he stood; it was not just a polite gesture, she genuinely wanted to help him in that small way.

Despite there being an entire square meter of landing to stand, Alex and Y/N were almost on top of one another. Alex felt her dipping her toes in the water, swimming in his pacific blue eyes. All the while, he searched for the sparks of stars in her pupils – lights in the otherwise dark nights.

“What is it?” asked Alex.

“Do you ever wonder—?” Y/N stopped.

Her eyes closed in resignation, unintentionally showing her hand: she had the words in her head, but she decided she could not share that particular thought. At least not with him. Y/N gently took her hand back and started down the stairs.

Their footfalls echoed around the stairwell.

At the next landing, Y/N started over, “I know Sam probably sent you after me, but thank you. You’re more patient than you should be. I know I can be a lot sometimes. Too much.”

“You’re not too much, Red. Not for me.” Never for me. Even if she was trouble to him, Alex was trouble to everyone, it all balanced out.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me. I’m here because I want to be.”

Y/N opened her mouth, tongue already pressed against her top teeth to make the “th” sound, when she resigned from those words as well. And her smile returned as a soft simper.

Lovely. She was lovely despite the red painted across her cheekbones and nose. Despite the guilt, she so clearly expressed for taking his time. Alex thought Y/N was lovely.

When Y/N smiled for him, did Sammy think that too? When she spoke his name, did Sammy feel he was that much closer to going mad? Did his face heat up whenever she touched his skin?

Maybe Alex was overstepping some boundaries. Maybe he should take that moment in the stairwell of comfort and companionship as all he would get.

Fair enough. Alex could live the rest of his life with just having ever had THAT moment with her. Like how he could forever understand the concept of vanilla even if he never tasted it again.

Alex did not want that.

He liked vanilla whip cream. Its extract in his pancake batter. Vanilla lattes and cappuccinos and to get wasted on shots of vanilla bourbon. To feel cradled in the aroma of vanilla-marshmallow scented candles. And reveal fresh skin after vanilla cream facemasks. He wanted vanilla.

He did not need it to live. Nor thrive. Nonetheless, he wondered how much better his happy days would feel – how less complicated his stressful days would be – if vanilla were a part of them.

“You could be with me.” Alex cleared his throat. “No-uh…what I mean is that you could come to mine and hang out for a bit if you wanted to—to wait out more of the storm with Sammy.”

“Yeah?” Y/N risked a quick side-eye glance.

“I’m not doing anything. Are you…doing anything?”

“No, but I’m not sure if— Sam won’t—” Y/N stuttered and stopped. Features that were relaxed from the contortions of crying began to twist up again. Eyebrows sunk closer. Mouth pulled to one side.

“If you go back in now, won’t the fighting pick right back up?” Walking past the door and two more steps toward the lift, Alex offered an encouraging toss of the head. “Let’s just go, come on.”

A rabbit in the talons of a falcon – paralyzed – Y/N did not move. She stared unsure at Alex for a second then to the door to her apartment. It was still. quiet. Sammy was neither of those things. Y/N dug her teeth into her bottom lip as her gaze hit the floor. Not able to bring herself back to Alex.

“Red?”

“No, I shouldn’t. If we don’t apologize to each other now, things will just be worse later.” Voice hitching on the latter end of the sentence, Y/N paused. She took a deep breath and mustered up some composure. “Thank you for the invite, but I can’t.”

“Alright. Well, it’s an open invitation.”

“Than—Got it.”

It would be ridiculous for him to have been irritated. Completely and utterly ridiculous.

Alex was irritated; he was forced to pretend to be as content with watching her go as he would be having her following him. Though used to babbling in nervous situations, Alex did not feel he could speak more at that moment. 

What would be appropriate for him to say?

He left. While Y/N knocked on the door to her apartment without even bothering to try the handle, he mashed the call button incessantly enough to rub part of his fingerprint off his thumb. Within three meters of each other yet completely different headspaces – worlds and hearts apart.

DING of the sliding lift doors. Alex walked in and stood in the corner, leaning against the back wall and looking away until the doors closed again. He did not want to see Sammy and Y/N reunite. He went silent for his ride down. Unfortunately, there was no gentle music to fill the void.

Outside he was normal. Inside he was in a weird place: anxious thoughts built themselves up higher and higher until it was too much. Alex closed his eyes for a moment to block out all other stimuli.

Was it possible that George was right all along? When he said Alex would be a total knob to go after Y/N? When he told him it was better to get trashed and shag someone random than it was to keep dwelling? When he begged him to not. get. involved.?

Caught in his overthinking haze, Alex flew on autopilot as he walked along the hall to his flat and stopped. It was not until he was face-to-face with the number on the door that he recognized he had even left the lift. Alex blinked himself out of his head and into the present just to find a riptide of exhaustion dragging his limp body out to sea. It was too late to start paddling now.

Slinking inside, Alex was not greeted with – as he expected – his flatmate waiting to interrogate him. He anxiously tapped his fingers against his leg while peering around. Besides the usual mess of overturned sofa cushions and PS4 controllers strewn about in the living room, food wrappers on the counters, and the same pan and spatula used for breakfast still in the sink, there was not a sign of George. There was not even the sound of shouting (pre-recorded or otherwise) coming from the short hall to his room.  

Smiling and with a tad too much enthusiasm, Alex shut the door and sighed contented.

“You’re alive. Good.” George’s voice sounded from outside his bedroom, ringing in Alex’s ears far before the older stepped into view. George was wearing black jeans and had pulled on proper shoes to cover the thin, dirty white socks he normally trudged around the flat. His hands were buried together in the pouch of his hoodie. It was from the ‘I OWE £37,000 TO THE GOVERNMENT IN TAX FINES’ drop. Untamed hairs curled around his ears, and he wore an indistinct black hat.

“Woulda thought you’d be happy to get rid of me.”

“I’d take a decent trade. Five quid and a Tesco meal deal, maybe.” George’s otherwise stone-hard exterior failed to mask the anxious glint in his salty atlantic eyes. There was more he was not saying.

Moving into the kitchen, Alex leaned back against the countertop. Putting one foot in front of the other, touching heel to toe. He fished his keys from the pocket of his pajama bottoms and dumped them on the counter beside him. “Out with it.”

“Tell me you didn’t do anything daft.”

“‘Course not.” Alex shrugged. “Not sure where you’d get that from.”

“Could you, for once in your life, be straight with me.”

There was a joke to be made there as Alex was never for even one minute of his life straight. However, that felt an inappropriate comment to make amid his flatmate’s concern.

Alex hunched his shoulders closer to his chest subconsciously and murmured an unintelligible response.

“What?” asked George.

“I didn’t do anything, alright. Does that make you happy? I just told Sammy that he and Red will be evicted pretty fucking soon if they keep up the shouting.”

“Told Sammy. So, you didn’t speak to Red?”

“No. Didn’t get the chance; she’d already stormed off by the time I got there.” Alex was a liar and a shit one at that as he shifted his feet and dropped his focus from his flatmate.

George – with his hesitant if not outright suspicious gaze boring through the top of the younger’s skull – waited for Alex to return focus to him before speaking again. He cleared his throat.

“James wants to meet up earlier; get some shots in before hitting the pub.” George turned and took three steps toward his bedroom before stopping and coming back. “Well…go on and get dressed.”

“I’m not sure I feel well enough to go out tonight.” Alex hovered a hand over his stomach to emphasize the point. Not that his flatmate appeared to believe him on that front either.

“Have you been sick?”

“No.”

“You’re fine.” George took Alex’s wrist and pulled his hand from over his stomach. He snatched the keys off the counter and, uncurling Alex’s fingers, forced them into the younger’s hand.  

“I can’t.” said Alex. Both men ignored the voice crack on the last word as – while it was telling – it was also nothing terribly unusual in their flat.

“James will be gutted, you know. Are you sure?” George waited for a nod or shake of the head, he got neither. He groaned in frustration and moved to the front door, pulling it open with a bit of a huff, he said, “Don’t do something you’ll regret.”

“Likewise,” Alex called after him, and with that, he was alone.

It was his natural state, him being alone; at least Alex thought it must have been – surely. Or else he would not have been so often. So maddeningly alone. Alex also thought he deserved it. Whenever his friends rinsed him for being annoying, he knew it was not all a joke. He was aggravating, bothersome.

At least the others could escape it whereas he was always himself.

Humans are social creatures – not meant to be alone – which made the impending lockdown so frightening. Alex would not acknowledge his fear. Moving toward full quarantine was breaking him, but he had been in worse states, much worse, so he would not admit it.

It was another method (like restricting his eating and sleeping) for him to punish himself for just being.

BUZZ. BUZZ. His phone went off. It was a text from George calling him a massive loser for making him take the train by himself. Alex produced a humorous scoff but not a reply.

He spent the next forty-five minutes scrolling through twitter and instagram while preparing and eating a cup of sweet & sour pot noodle. Amidst liking and retweeting, he wondered – for the millionth time – if the posts he saw were perhaps not all putting up fake fronts. What if it was all real?

Maybe everyone was truly happy and beautiful all the time; he did not know.

knock. knock. There was a gentle tapping coming from the front door, muted enough that Alex was not sure if it were real or imagined. Either way, he did not move to stand from where he sat at the table, slurping up the last of the noodles. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Jumping at the second sound, Alex went to the front door. “Red?”

In the hall with her feet planted flat and firm (and now with socks and shoes), Y/N stood with a stern expression. Her features were all a bit pinched. There was a vertical line between her eyebrows. Previous blotchiness was gone, but her nose had newfound redness, and her eyes gleamed wet.

“Are you ok?” Alex was not sure what he saw being projected at him from those bright eyes of hers, but he felt his knees about to buckle. A familiar weakness overtook his limbs. Making him think if he were to roll up the leg of his pajama bottoms, it was sure to reveal hundreds of leeches draining him.

“Why did you come back?” Y/N asked, voice wavering slightly.

“I thought maybe—”

“Don’t bullshit me.” Her words bit the air hard enough to draw blood. “Why did you come back, really?”

“I couldn’t bear to see you upset.”

Their bodies connected as Y/N threw her arms around his neck, and Alex circled his arms around her middle, holding her flush to him. Knit of her jumper pressing into the wrinkles of his shirt from where she had previously balled up the fabric and held on.

She was her, and it was everything he needed. It was her warmth and her solidity and the pull of her bringing him evermore closer. It was all those separately and all those at once, at the same time.

It was an explosion of relief in his chest and of incoherent thoughts in his head. Knowing that what was happening was an undeserved blessing filling him with greater happiness than he could ever return.

Alex was in it: living it. He was not alone. Y/N awakened his heart and his desires and equally his suffering.

It was the mortifying ordeal. It was the tip of a foil bending into his chest. All to be known. All to be near her. And for all the times he joked for death, he wished tenfold for health – for life so that he could bear witness to her even if from the distance of friendship.

Y/N let slack her arms and pulled back a half-step from the embrace, allowing Alex to keep holding on.

Rearing with an amazed chuckle, he asked, “I don’t understand?”

“You said it was an open invitation, wasn’t it?”

Alex nodded.

“Good.” Y/N stepped out of his arms and walked fully into the flat, looking around with a pleasant contemplative smile stretched across her lovely lips. At the table where the empty pot noodle container sat tipped over with the metal fork in it, she grazed her fingers across the dark wood.

“I’ll be right back.” He waited for a nod of recognition and then headed to his bedroom. Alex squatted down – an action that created a horrific popping sound from his knees – and pulled open the bottom drawer of his side table. It was brimming over with miscellaneous wires and cables, scissors, tape, loose lego pieces as well as football pins. He stirred around the contents of the drawer.

Upon his return, he saw Y/N sitting in the middle of the sofa, resting her head back and looking at the ceiling. For how still she was and how soft her breathing, he might have thought she was asleep, that is if not for the open eyes with the distant gaze. Walking around to the coffee table, Alex picked up the remote and switched the television on, setting it to stream youtube.

“I thought we could watch a playlist I collected. If you wanted.” Alex tried to hide the assurance-seeking tone to his voice as he spoke. “I promise it’s actually funny and not like roblox playthroughs.”

Y/N brought her focus to him and pulled one leg up, hugging it close to herself. “Seems like an awfully lofty thing to promise. It’s not a compilation of your own videos, is it?”

“No. Not this one anyway.”

Alex sat down, and Y/N resituated herself to be half a cushion from him. It was a fair enough reaction though it did make him feel a bit shit, especially after their affectionate embrace, not ten minutes earlier.

He hit the start button on the playlist. Sitting next to Y/N, even half a cushion away, felt like lying on his balcony with the sun on his face. Not a blaring spotlight of sun. A comfortable softbox sun that warmed his neck and arms and soul. As the playlist went on, Alex found himself sneaking longer and longer glances at the woman beside him.

Y/N giggled throughout the first and second videos, mostly biting her lip to keep herself from being loud until a joke made at the start of the third video sent her over the edge. She could no longer hold out laughing as she tossed her head back and outright cackled. It might have been embarrassing for her, but to Alex, it was cute. It was passion, and he liked seeing her face light up like that: pure and uninhibited.

Moving next to Alex, Y/N rolled her head to the side and rested it on his shoulder. Their faces were incredibly close – she was breathtaking, and he was on the verge of losing consciousness.

“Is this ok?” Y/N gazed up at him.

Alex wanted her to look at him like that forever, even if he was scared to see it. That thing like hope in her eyes. It was distinct, softer than how anyone had ever looked at him. Asking more than her words did, asking for more than just his words return. “Yes.”

It was natural: her and him. Y/N weaved her arm around his and held it with both her hands as she lazily returned her focus to the television. Alex did not; he was focused on something else.

On her left forearm were five circular bruises: four in a line up the arm and the fifth alone on the other side. While the red discolouration was not painful looking, the purple undertones marked prominent against her skin. It reminded him.

“Red?”

“Hmm?” she hummed.

Alex stuck his hand in the pocket of his pajama bottoms and fished out the trinket he found in the drawer of his side table – simple beads on a stretchy string. A beautiful gradient of colour from white to pastel blue to royal blue to black. Tied off with a bow. He peeled one of Y/N’s hands from his arm and pulled the bracelet over, lying it carefully on her wrist.

“Wow,” Y/N pulled away from his side and held her hand out, beaming at the bracelet and then at him. “Did you make this?”

“No. A fan gifted it to me at VidCon a while back, but I wanted to give you something, and looking at it now, it made me think of you.” He smiled a hesitant half-smile. “It’s the thought that counts, right?”

“I really like it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Red.” Alex saw how Y/N twisted up her face at his words, and he frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I like it. I do. It’s just, you don’t have to call me that. Red. No one really calls me that but Sam because he’s proud to have come up with it, I think. Could you—would you mind terribly, just using Y/N?”

Alex gave a slight nod. “That’s something I can do.”

Without another word, Y/N settled into him as, on-screen, the playlist continued. Emboldened with some unknown confidence, she lay her head on his chest. Alex was slow to react, but he eventually wrapped his arm around her and laced the fingers of his outermost hand with hers.

It was a release of all the tenderness and affection that he had been storing in his heart with no real outlet. And it felt like his ribcage was close to concaving into him. Alex had so much to give, yet all Y/N seemed to want was him, his company, his warm hand enclosing her own.

“I think I should tell you something.” He used his free hand to pick at a loose fuzz on his pajama bottoms. “I’m not gay. I know that’s how Sammy understands it, but I’m actually bisexual.”

Y/N blew out a long sigh through pursed lips and finished it with, “I know; I figured as much.”

“Does that ruin this?” Alex fought the urge to swipe the welling tears in his eyes.

“I don’t want it to.”

“Me neither.”

The playlist finished, and the screen idled, waiting for further action. Neither moved. Resting in the quiet of their gentle almost whispered conversation, Y/N nuzzled her cheek into the fabric of Alex’s shirt.

Voice laden with exhaustion, she said, “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I feel like you’re someone I’ve always been missing. I just didn’t know it. Thank you for coming back.”

Giving in, Y/N closed her eyes, and her breathing evened into an easy rhythm. Alex leaned in and placed a kiss to her hair, quick and chaste, and let her sleep. Wishing he would have come up with something, words like hers, to express it – what he knew all along.

Taglist: (message to join!) @angelbabyivy @eboysimp​ @trhtshonf @jaythegay92​

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Believe Me - Christen Press Imagine

A/N: This is for @gaaysatan​. Just because I love her.

(Y/N) POV:

“Wake up” I groaned when I felt someone continuously shaking my shoulder. I turned to whack their hand away when they caught my arm and pulled me out of the bed. “I’m serious.”

“Pinoe go away.” I said as she pulled more out of the bed. “Stop!”

“You need to get up! We have a game today.” I sat up and pouted at her as she shook her head with a smile.

I got up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. Once I had got all my stuff together, I headed down towards breakfast with Pinoe. I walked in and headed towards the table that had Ash, Ali, Alex, Kelley, Allie, Christen and Tobin. I took a seat in between Alex and Christen.

I smiled at both forwards as I stood to go get a plate of food for myself. The game talks were in full effect as I came and sat back down.

“Who’s in the starting eleven again?” Ash asked as we started discussing the lineup. Alex was dealing with a minor ankle injury so Christen would be starting in her place. I was starting which was a great. I was going to get to play on the wing in Pinoe’s place. Usually, I was pushed back a little more.

“You good?” I looked up to see everyone staring at me.

“What? Sorry. I zoned out.” I said as some of them smiled.

“We asked how you feel about starting…” Ash said as I nodded my head

“Oh, I feel good.” I said smiling as they all shook their heads at me. We went through breakfast pretty quickly after that and then sat around for a few minutes before we had to leave.

“Hey, can I talk to you real quick?” I turned towards Christen giving her a smile and nod. She took a breath I noticed out of the corner of my eye Pinoe and Tobin giving her a thumbs up.

“What’s up?” I asked as we walked together. She looked really nervous as I paused and stared at her with a look of concern.

“I need to tell you something, but I don’t know how you’ll react, and I don’t want it to ruin our friendship at all. I just…need to tell you before I lose my mind.”

“Okay…”

“I have feelings for you.” She said as I stared at her with my jaw falling open a little.

Let’s stop the music for a second…it is no secret on the team that I have the biggest crush on Christen Press. I mean…how could you not? Have you seen her? Anyway, I was almost 110% sure that she knew damn well I had a crush on her and I was truly fine with her not feeling the same way. This feels like a curveball.

“Umm…what?” I stared at her as she gave me a nervous expression.

“I have feelings for you.” She said firmly as I looked around for a moment before pointing at myself.

“Me?” she nodded her head with an amused expression. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure.” She laughed as I stared at her feeling overwhelmed. I was trying to come up with something else to say. I wanted to tell her that I feel the same way, but honestly this conversation does not feel real. I need a second to think.

“I…will be back.” I said turning and walking away.

“Wait…(Y/N)…” I turned the corner and immediately booked it in search of literally anyone else. I kept walking before I found Kelley, Alex, and Allie walking. They were headed towards the bus as I ran past them grabbing Alex’s arm and pulling her with me.

“Ow!” she said as I pulled her onto the bus. I dragged her all the way until we got to the seats she usually sit with Allie in. I took a seat as I stared at her. I could hear some of the other girls laughing at my antics as she gave me a look. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Christen just told me she has feelings for me” I said as Alex stared at me her eyes widening a little.

“What?” I nodded my head as she smiled

“(Y/N) that’s great.” She said as I shook my head.

“No” I said as she gave me an odd look.

“Why is it not great?” she asked as I bit my lip. “What did you do?”

“I panicked said I would be back and came and found you.” I said as she gave me a incredulous look.

“Are you stupid? You just left her standing there.”

“I panicked!” I said defensively as she started slapping my arm.

“You’re!” slap. “So!” slap. “Stupid!” slap.

“OW! Stop” I said as she glared at me.  “Stop hitting me! I know I messed up.”

“(Y/N) she definitely is going to think you feel the same.” She said sarcastically as I frowned.

“I just…I panicked. I’ve got to a point that I’ve accepted that she won’t feel the same and so when she said she did I just…panicked.”

“You need to go find her and apologize.” She said as I glanced up. I watched as Christen came on to the bus and immediately found her seat with Tobin. She didn’t even look in my direction. I sighed knowing I needed to fix this.

“I love her Alex.” I mumbled as she gave me a somewhat sympathetic look.

“I know. You should have told her that.” I looked at her before looking down.

“It didn’t feel real. I have got to a point that I believed truly she would never feel the same way. I want to believe that she does and even though she said it my mind is still struggling to accept it.” I said as she nodded her head.

“I know but you have to take the chance…if she is saying that she does then you have to trust that she does.” I nodded my head as I noticed that everyone was on the bus. We made our way to the stadium for the game.

I realized I probably wouldn’t have time to talk to Christen privately until after the game, which was fine, but I felt bad knowing that she probably thinks I don’t feel the same. That hurts my heart a little bit. Pre-game seemed to drag on a little before it was time to walk out for the game. As I had guessed, Christen and I had no chance to really talk before the game, so it was me mostly trying to send pointed looks at her, but she was outright refusing to look at me.

“You good?” JJ asked me as I stared at her.

“As good as I can be.” I mumbled as we then walked out for the game.

Once the game started, I could tell immediately felt off. Most of the first half seemed to drag with me not being able to really connect at all with Christen. She was able to get some shots off and to be honest she was carrying us in this game. When does she not though…

By halftime, I was being told that I was most definitely being subbed out due to the terrible game I was having. The second half seemed to be a little better with Christen getting a brace and JJ also getting in on the scoring. It finished 3-0 as I was pulled to do media. I wasn’t thrilled because no doubt I would have to explain my poor performance.

After I was done with the media, I went in search of Christen. I saw her talking to Alex and their conversation seemed to be serious, so I decided to just leave them be and go sign autographs and visit with the fans. That lasted a lot longer than I originally anticipated because it was time to leave before I realized it. I practically ran into the locker room grabbing all of my things much to the amusement of my teammates.

“I’m here. I’m here. Don’t leave me.” I said running onto the bus and finding a seat next to Alex. Most of them laughed a little as Alex shook her head at me.

“Way to be on time.”

“I was frolicking with the fans.” I responded as she laughed.

“Frolicking?” she raised her brow at me as I smiled at her.

“I don’t actually know what that words means…I heard Becky use it though, so I figured it meant something smart.” I shrugged as she and some of the other girls started laughing.

“Idiot.”

The bus ride back to the hotel was spent with Alex teasing me over my word choice and pestering me over why I played so bad. Once back at the hotel, I beelined it for my hotel room to get myself cleaned up. Once I was done, I decided I needed to go find Christen. Just as I opened the door to exit the room, I noticed the forward standing there with a nervous look on her face.

“Hey.” I said softly as she gave me a thin smile.

“Hi”

“Come in” I said moving aside as she walked into the room. “I was just about to go find you.”

“You were?” she gave me a doubtful look as I nodded.

“Yeah. I wanted to explain earlier.” I bit my lip nervously hoping she would hear me out. “I shouldn’t have left you standing there. That was a huge douche move.”

“Yeah a little bit.” She responded as I stared at her.

“I find it really hard to believe you have feelings for me…not because I think you’re lying, but because I have liked you for so long and have convinced myself that you could never feel the same way. The idea of you actually feeling the same…it just doesn’t feel real.”

“I know.” I gave her a confused look as she sighed. “Alex told me. Don’t be mad at her. She was just trying to help.”

“oh”

“My feelings are genuine.” She said as I nodded my head. “I have liked you for a while and I didn’t really know how to deal with it at first, but I know I want to be with you. I need you to be believe me”

“I do. I want that too.” I mumbled quietly as she gave me another look of uncertainty.

She stared at me for a moment before taking a step closer to me, she grabbed my face and very softly placed her lips on mine. I immediately responded by pulling her closer and melting into the kiss. Her fingers buried themselves into the back of my hair as the kiss deepened a little. Eventually, air was a necessity as we leaned our foreheads against each other.

“I like you so much.” I mumbled as she laughed a little. She brought her hand to my face

“I like you so much too.” I looked at her as she softly ran her thumb against my cheek.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled again as she smiled at me. She gave me another short kiss.

“I know.” She moved closer pulling me in for a hug as her head rested against my shoulder.

“Can I take you on a date?” I asked quietly as she let out a little laugh.

“I would love nothing more than to go out on a date with you.” I pulled away a little shooting her a wide smile.

“Like tonight?” She nodded her head as I immediately started thinking of places to take her. I would need to do some checking into local restaurants.

“What time should I be ready?” I checked my watch and saw it was about 10 pm.

“Can you be ready in like half an hour?” she gave me a small look before nodding her head. “Okay. Then, you go get ready and I am going to get ready and then we will meet back in 30 minutes.”

“Sounds like a plan.” She kissed my cheek before exiting the room. I stood for a moment before doing a little dance with myself.

“I have a date with Christen Press.” I muttered before realizing the time and running to get ready. This needed to be the best date ever. Nothing less for Christen.

The End.

[puroresu-musings]

NJPW WRESTLE KINGDOM 14 Night 1 Review (Jan 4th 2020, Tokyo Dome)

Togi Makabe, Tomoaki Honma, Yota Tsuji & Yuya Uemura vs. Toa Henare, Karl Fredericks, Clark Connors & Alex Coghlin  ***

Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima vs. Yuji Nagata & Manabu Nakanishi  **3/4

JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER RETIREMENT MATCH Ⅰ: Jushin Thunder Liger, Tatsumi Fujinami, The Great Sasuke & Tiger Mask vs. Naoki Sano, Shinjiro Otani, Tatsuhito Takaiwa & Ryusuke Taguchi  ***1/2

SANADA, EVIL, Shingo Takagi & BUSHI vs. Zack Sabre Jr.,Minoru Suzuki, Taichi & El Desperado  ***1/4

Hirooki Goto, Tomohiro Ishii, Toru Yano & YOSHI-HASHI vs. KENTA, Bad Luck Fale, Yujiro Takahashi & Chase Owens  ***

IWGP HEAVYWEIGHT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Guerrillas Of Destiny (c) vs. Juice Robinson & David Finlay  ***1/4+

IWGP US HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH/ TEXAS DEATH MATCH: Lance Archer (c) vs. Jon Moxley  ****

IWGP Jr. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Will Ospreay (c) vs. Hiromu Takahashi  *****

IWGP INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Jay White (c) vs. Tetsuya Naito  ****1/4

IWGP HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. Kota Ibushi  *****

Photos.

Good Lord, was this a great pro wrestling show! It ran the emotional gamut and gave us trememendous matches aplenty, this was as close to perfect as a wrestling event gets in my opinion. After two very decent, but very brief, pre-show tags featuring a nice mix of Young Lions and NJPW Dads, the main show kicked off with the first of Jushin Thunder Liger’s retirement bouts. I loved this, and whilst I wouldn’t say it was a “great” match, per say, everyone brought their working boots to make Liger’s farewell feel special, and they certainly succeeded. It was also great just to see some of these guys in the ring. The 40,000 plus in attendance were super into this, with Liger’s exchanges with Otani (who are two of my favourite workers ever) being the highlight. Everyone looked good here. Well, as good as some of them are going to look in 2020. Naoki Sano hit a big tope suicida, which was initially frightening, but was great to see, 66 year old Tatsumi Fujinami hit everyone with his patented Dragon Screw Leg Whip, and The Great Sasuke nearly killed himself twice on a Senton Atomico, before the ever-selfless Liger stared at the lights for a Taguchi Dodon at 8:52 of a super fun outing. Liger shook hands with everyone in the post match. It’s going to be sad watching Liger go, I can tell you. 

ZSJ submitted BUSHI with the Jim Breaks Special at 8:39 of a really good LIJ vs. Suzuki-gun 8 man. Zack and SANADA’s exchanges were the standout, hyping their British Title Match tomorrow, which should be excellent. Hirooki Goto pinned Yujiro with the GTR in another decent 8 minute multi-man. This was fun, but forgettable stuff with Ishii hitting a big vertical suplex on Fale getting the biggest pop. The WTL winners Juice Robinson and David Finlay defeated GOD to win the IWGP Tag Titles in yet another good outing. Finlay got the pin on Tama Tonga after an Acid Drop to win the belts. This was a feel good win, and anything that appears to shake up that ultra-stale tag division is a positive in my eyes. Next up, Lance Archer and Jon Moxley squared off in an excellent Texas Death Match for the US Title. This was a hard-hitting brawl which used the stipulation effectively, and featured a lot of plunder, some great brawling, and fortuitous hard-way juice. After surviving a Blackout onto four chairs, and a plastic bag induced EBD Claw, Mox hit a massive Death Rider DDT off the apron, through two tables, to regain the championship he never actually lost, at the 14:26 mark, when Archer couldn’t answer the 10 count. Great stuff here. In the post match, Moxley promised to beat Juice Robinson tomorrow. 

In what was a truly exceptional Junior Heavyweight Championship battle, Hiromu Takahashi overcame certain defeat, and won his precious “belt-san” back, in a sublime match with Will Ospreay. This had it all; sky-high emotional stakes, a great story and fantastic action. It also featured one of the most creative sequences I’ve ever seen in a match, when Ospreay went for the Sasuke Special, but Hiromu caught him and tried a German suplex on the floor, but Will flipped out onto his feet. He then charged at Takahashi, who countered into an overhead belly to belly throw, but Ospreay jumped through the ropes, doing a roll back into the ring, then finally hitting the Sasuke Special in a mind-blowing spot. The story here was Ospreay continually working over Hiromu’s neck (hitting several worrying double stomps to the back of his head), who did a tremendous sell-job throughout. Ospreay got a believable near fall with the Oscutter, which lead into the hot closing stretch. After scoring a near fall with a Canadian/Mexican Destroyer, Hiromu tried Time Bomb, but Will escaped, hits the hook kick and tries Stormbreaker, but Takahashi counters, and runs straight into a Spanish Fly for another near fall. Hidden Blade connects, which Hiromu sold beautifully, then Ospreay tried Stormbreaker again, but Hiromu reverses into a Code Red for a great near fall. Hiromu battles back, hitting Time Bomb, but Ospreay kicks at two to a massive pop. A lariat follows, then Hiromu hits his new finish; a leg capture Emerald Flowsion, which is tentatively being called Time Bomb II, to end a fab match at 24:33, and the win the belt. This was a fantastic comeback story, as the Junior Ace returns from a potential career ending injury and reclaims his throne. This had high expectations going in, but far exceeded them, and here’s hoping this signifies Ospreay’s jump to Heavyweight full-time as he’s realistically done all he can do in the Juniour division.

This left the Intercontinental Title outing between White and Naito with an awful lot to follow. They had an excellent pro wrestling bout that was completely unlike the match that preceeded it, but told just as good a story. Unfortunatley, as good as the match was, at 33:54, it was much too long, which hurt it somewhat. Jay destroyed Naito’s knackered knees, which will be the story of these two shows, but Naito made a valiant comeback, hitting a tope rope Frankensteiner, and Gloria for a near fall. He goes for Destino, but Switchblade slumps to the mat to prevent it, then shoves Naito into Red Shoes for the prerequisite ref bump. This was Gedo’s cue to run in, but Naito sent him packing with a low blow, but Jay hits a low blow of his own, goes for Blade Runner, but Naito hits a Dragon Suplex. Gedo in again, this time with a chair, but is again sent packing. White throws the abandoned chair into Naito’s face however, which he takes full force, then takes the Sleeper Suplex. Naito hits a Destino out of nowhere for the double down, then hits a reverse rana and another Destino for a great near fall. Naito tried another Destino, but Jay counters into a Blade Runner attempt, but Naito reverses that into Valentia, then hits another Destino to win the belt, and head into the winner-takes-all match tomorrow. I will say that one thing New Japan do really well is protect finishers. Whenever White went for Blade Runner, the crowd, who were 100% behind Naito, gasped in horror every time, as if Jay hits the move, the match is over.

Which brought us to the main event, which was the best match of the night, very probably the best match of the entire year (I’m aware we’re only 4 days in), and one of the best matches I’ve ever seen. Both guys came out in new gear, with Okada looking like a God in his entrance, so you knew this was going to be special. It started slow but built into an absoulutely epic match. Okada hits the dropkick off the top to the floor, then his big dive over the barricade, then in the ring locks on Red Ink, a move he hasn’t used in forever, showing he’s going to the old tricks drawer to try and beat Ibushi, who of course beat him in the G1. Ibushi escapes a Rainmaker attempt and tries a Moonsault dropkick, (which saw him land right ontop of his head), but Okada catches him in a Tombstone, only for Ibushi to reverse that into a Bastard Driver. Okada tries John Woo, but Kota counters into a big double stomp, then hits the Golden Triangle to the floor, and scores a near fall with the Last Ride. Okada starts unloading with European Uppercuts, but Ibushi no-sells them, getting the “psycho look” in his eyes. Kota starts teeing off with hard palm-strikes, kicks and punches, Okada fores back with John Woo, but Ibushi pops right up and floors the champion with more strikes. He goes for the deadlift German off the ropes, but Okada counters into a nasty Tombstone onto the apron, but Ibushi makes it in at 19. Okada hits Heavy Rain (another old classic), then the German rolled through into a spinning Rainmaker attempt, but Ibushi escapes with a Lariat. Kota finally hits the deadlift German off the apron into the ring, which Okada lands right on his head for, for a near fall, then tries the lawndart, but Okada turns it into a spinning Tombstone. A Rainmaker is turned into a huge Ibushi Lariat, who then hits a Boma Ye, but Okada kicks at one! Another to the back follows, as does a big head kick, then Ibushi nails Kamigoye, but again the champion gets the shoulder up at 2.999 as the Dome goes crazy. Ibushi drops the knee pad and tries another, but Okada counters into an amazing dropkick. Okada escapes a top rope Tiger Driver and attempts a missile dropkick, but Ibushi catches him in a sitout powerbomb for a great near fall, then goes up top for the Phoenix Splash, but Okada moves. Okada hits a spinning Rainmaker, then another Rainmaker, but Ibushi kicks out as the crowd goes crazy. Ibushi counters another Rainmaker attempt with another big head kick, then hits a V-Trigger. He goes for Kamigoye again, but Okada counters into a Fire Thunder Driver, then hits Rainmaker to end an absolutely outstanding match at the 39:16 mark. This was just exceptional stuff that perfectly played off spots in all of their previous meetings.

Naito came out in the post match and he promised to win tomorrow, saying its his perfect chance to beat him at the Dome. I’m amazed Okada is even able to go tomorrow after this match. Okada says “no chance”, and thanks Ibushi. He also says he wants even more people in the Dome tomorrow to see the double Title Match. I can’t believe there’s another of these shows to go. What a time to be alive.

NDT

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Maybe some pre-agentcorp from last episode? What if Reign broke out before Supergirl got back with the black rock? Lena being concerned when she hears about attempts on Alex’s life? Alex being concerned about Lena alone with Reign?

This is like, four different story ideas, so I wasn’t able to fill all of them. Hopefully hitting two of them is okay….

Lena’s heart plummets when her finger presses the button– and continues to drop when the overdose does nothing more but make Reign smirk. The smirk grows wider as Reign’s eyes start to glow. Alarms sound as a blast of heat vision slams into the forcefield, expending more energy than Lena’s yet recorded. 

Lena has less than a second to press the panic button installed by the DEO before the field gives way. Agents immediately fire, but their ammunition does nothing to slow her down. She could murder Lena in a blink. Instead she stalks slowly forward under fire, savoring Lena’s fear. She is afraid. Her heart pounds, and races in her chest. But Lena stares Reign down, and reaches blindly for her keyboard. Two keystrokes, and banshee protocol activates with a piercing wail. While the volume pounds uncomfortably against Lena’s eardrums, Reign shrieks in agony, slamming both hands over her ears.It won’t stop her, not for long. But it does slow her down.“You can run,” Lena snarls, voice lost in the chaos. “You can kill me. But you won’t win.”“We’ll see about that!”With a roar, Reign rakes the room with a long burst of heat vision. Lena flinches against the shower of sparks and debris that cascade down on her. Lena doesn’t have the chance to notice the sirens die out before the room tilts in a blur. The next thing she knows, Lena’s breath is knocked out of her and strangled by an inhuman hand around her throat.Lena kicks her feet against empty air. Reign leans in close, inhaling deeply against the side of Lena’s neck. “Someone owes me a spine,” she growls, lips curling in a cruel smirk.“I don’t think so.”There’s a whine and then an explosion of red light silhouetting Reign’s outline. Reign barely staggers, but her attention pulls away from Lena to Alex Danvers, kitted out and fully armed. “You.”“Me.”Alex fires again. Lena feels the grip on her throat shift before being tossed like a ragdoll. Then there’s nothing but darkness.

When consciousness returns, Alex’s concerned features are the first thing Lena sees. “Sam…” Lena struggles to rise, but the pounding in her head and Alex’s gentle but firm hand on her shoulder sends her back down. “Alex, what happened–?”“She’s alive,” Alex assures her. “But… gone. She’s gone.”“But– Supergirl?”Alex shakes her head. “Nothing yet.”Lena drops her head back with a curse, angry tears burning at her eyes. Alex waits with her as a medical team arrives, and evaluates her. A security sweep soon follows, and Lena spends the next half hour fighting them and a growing migraine.“I don’t require the DEO’s assistance in resecuring my own lab, Director,” she growls. “You can take your team and–”“Oh-kay,” Alex cuts in, before Lena can land herself in a DEO cell. “Time to go home.”Lena digs her heels in until the Director agrees to quarantine the lab instead of sweeping it clean. No one in or out until she is well enough to personally supervise the recovery team. But when Alex finally gets her in a car, it’s not the Baldwin she drives to.“No way in hell I’m leaving you unsupervised,” Alex snaps. “That’s how many head injuries this year?”Lena can’t give her an answer. Somewhere between Cordova Street and Alex’s apartment, Lena drifts out of consciousness. Alex only shakes her awake when they reach their destination. Ruby doesn’t wake when Lena stumbles inside the apartment. The sight of the sleeping girl nearly sends Lena into hysterics. She failed.She failed.She failed, she failed, she failed…Failed Sam. Failed Ruby. Failed everyone. Alex takes her by the arm and guides her to the bedroom. She hands Lena an old t-shirt and a pair of soft sleeping pants before prompting her into the bathroom. Lena fumbles for several minutes at her zipper before she re-emerges unchanged. “Lena? What’s wrong?”“I, uh…” Lena’s vision clouds, this time with sudden, brimming tears rather than concussion. “My zipper, I can’t…”A sob coughs out of her, sharp and sudden. When she blinks, tears spill down her cheeks. Lena wipes them away, but not before Alex sees. Alex doesn’t say anything, but swallows thickly.“That’s okay. Turn around.”With gentle fingers she tabs the zipper down. Slowly, the dress parts, releasing Lena and another shuddering breath. Lena stands there, spine chilling in the cold even as her shoulders heat under Alex’s gaze. Alex clears her throat. “You’re good." Lena can barely find the breath for a whisper. "Thank you.”She stumbles back into the bathroom and manages to change the rest of the way on her own. When she exits again, Alex has also changed into something more comfortable. The bedcovers are already pulled back invitingly, beckoning to Lena’s pounding head. “I inserted a tracking device,” she blurts. Words tumble out of her, uninvited and unbidden. “After the attack on the mansion, I weakened her enough to insert a tracking device. We can find her. If she’s anywhere on the planet, we can find her…”Alex offers her a thin smile. “But not tonight.”She pats the bed beside her, but Lena doesn’t budge. She needs to do something, working. The fight isn’t over. “Not tonight,” Alex repeats. Her voice is gentle, but it lifts the hairs on the back of Lena’s neck. If only Alex knew… if only she knew that Lena pressed that button, with full expectation that Sam would perish too. “You can’t save the world if your brain stays scrambled,” Alex continues. “Rest, and tomorrow we’ll keep going.”Lena doesn’t know why she finally obeys. She doesn’t know where Sam is or what they’re going to do when they find her. She doesn’t know how she’s going to tell Ruby that they lost her mom. All she knows when the lights click off is that the fight’s only just begun.

[listenxtoyourxheartxseries]

Listen To Your Heart part 8

@prettyinpayne @ohnoitsthebat @queenofsprongstyle

Chapter  8  Protection

Word count

1598

“Come on in Libby is finishing getting ready.” Kelly said as he opened the door the next morning. “Thank you.” Frank said as he and his three sons stepped into the room. Jamie, Libby's twin brother had driven down after his class was over with. “How is she doing?” Danny asked. “not good, since antonio told us about Alex and the baby she like shut down on us. She is blaming herself for her death.” Kelly answered, “she cried herself to sleep last night.” he stopped from saying anything else. Shay and Libby came down the spiral staircase. “Hey Lib.” Jamie greeted seeing her. “Jam!” she exclaimed moving away from Shay and going to her twin and hugging him. “You okay?” Libby  didn't answer she just shrugged her shoulders. “Hey baby, we got to go.” Shay said,  “we will see you later.” “Okay. be safe.’ She said moving away from her brother and hugging first Shay and then Kelly. “We will go over to the apartment tomorrow and get your stuff.” Kelly said before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You don’t have to go we will get the boys to do it.” Shay said squeezing her free hand. “Thank you.’ Libby said softly.  Shay nodded her head before going out of the door. Kelly lingered his eyes on his girlfriend who offered him a sad smile.

“Go I will be fine. I got my brothers and my dad with me. No one will be touch me with them around.” “We got her don’t worry.” Frank said. Kelly  nodded his head before exiting the apartment. “You are staying here?” Danny asked. “Yes.  Chris and Cindy’s house is too crowded and he knows where they live. He doesn’t know where this place is.” “He isn’t getting out Libby, we will make sure of that.” Joe said as Libby went over to the hook and grabbed her purse off of it. “You can’t promise that. What if the baby I was carrying was his? What if it pushed me to the edge like it did to Alex? What if Kelly, Casey, Hermman and Boden didn’t show up when they did? What if he killed me?”

Frank stepped in and grasped her shoulders in his hands and looked in her eyes, “Elizabeth Rose, listen to me. He isn’t getting out,  Jack and Erin are working with Mr. Rogers to build a defense against him. And Antonio said your journal is enough to lock him up without having it go to trial. You may only have to testify at the grand jury.”  Libby looked at her father, surprised tears filling her eyes at the comment of Erin helping. “And you are a Reagan you are so much stronger than you think. You would have overcome it. And you would have had Christopher, Kelly, Shay, Cindy and all the rest of them that have blown up your phone to get into contact with you. You have and will keep on surviving this. Understand?” “Yes Dad.” She answered sniffling. “Good girl. Come on let’s go meet with Mr. Rogers and then you can show us around Chicago and take us to the firehouse.” Frank said grabbing the lightweight jacket of the hook that he knew was Libby’s. He wasn’t necessarily happy about her staying with Kelly but seeing them together made a lot of sense, so for the first time since they found out that Libby was a girl he was going to let go of the reigns a little bit and let her do this.

Antonio was waiting outside of the police station for the Reagans. “You multiplied.”  “Just by one. This is my twin brother Jamie.” Libby said, “Jamie this is Antonio, he is running the case.” “Nice to meet you. You are Gabby’s brother right?” “I am. Let me guess she talks?” “Oh yeah, she’s a chatter bug.” Jamie teased. “Well at least I don’t bore you with talks about Kelly like you do about Sidney with me.”  Libby retorted before wincing when he pinched the inside of her elbow. “Come on in. Mr. Rogers is here with your sister.” “Erin is here? Why?” Libby asked turning to look at her father. “She is here for you.” “Well then hell must've froze over. “ She muttered to Jamie laughed quietly. Their parents didn’t know anything about the bad side of the sister’s relationship, the brothers knew about because they had to pull the apart several times.  

Erin looked up when the door opened up and Detective Dawson stepped back into the room followed by her baby sister and the rest of her family. Once her eyes landed on Libby, her heart broke. Her face was covered in bruises and several cuts. Usually she looked well put together but today she was in a pair of worn blue jeans and a baggy blue flannel shirt that had the sleeve rolled up and over that covered  pale pink cast.  

“Hey Erin.” She greeted softly, her shy side coming out. Erin stood up from her chair and went around and hugged her. Feeling fresh tears rise up she hugged her back. “I am so sorry Lib.” ‘It’s okay Erin, I am okay.” She said softly.  The older Reagan girl nodded her head and pulled away from her sister and grasped a hold of her hand. “Mr. Rogers, this is Libby.” The older man that had graying hair stood up and went to cross the room. “Libby.” He started before clearing his throat. “Thank you.” “For what?” She asked squeezing her sister’s hand tightly.  

“For coming forward and turning that journal in. That alone has given my wife and I peace of mind.” Licking her lips Libby stepped forward releasing Erin’s hand. “I am so sorry for your loss. I remember Alex from St. Augustine’s. She and I were on the softball team together. She was a very sweet girl.  I just wish I would have known beforehand. I would have come forward sooner or I wouldn’t have dumped him like I did.”

“Please, please. Don’t blame yourself about Alex’s death. What he did to her couldn’t be undone. Once we found out about it, we tried to help her but the damage was too much and we couldn’t help  her anymore.” Mr. Rogers said reaching his hand out and squeezing her shoulder.  Sensing what he needed she stepped up and hugged him. Startled tears started coming down his cheeks as he hugged her.  His eyes met Frank’s from over Libby’s head. “Thank you.” He mouthed causing Frank to nod his head.  That was all Libby, he had nothing to do with this.

After the meeting Libby took her family to her favorite spots in the city including her favorite diner. “This place is great where did you find this place?” Joe asked stealing one of Libby’s fries. “Kelly  brought me here one night on shift. We were super slow and squad 3 snuck me out with them.  It was kind of fun. And the look on Chief's face when we got back. I wasn’t suppose to be with them I was suppose be with Dawson and Shay who mind you were sleeping.” “Did you get in trouble?” Erin asked. “No. Kelly was the one that got into trouble.” She said, “I think Chief thinks that I am like an angel.” Her siblings laughed while she batted her eyelashes. Her good mood faded and she looked down at her plate. “What's wrong?” Erin asked. “she's in pain Erin.” Danny said softly, “she is covered in bruises, her hand and wrist probably throb. ”  they hadn't told her about their sister's miscarriage. They knew Libby wouldn't want the whole family knowing.  “What's next Libby?’ Frank asked. “the firehouse. It's not far from here. ”  She answered picking up one of her fries and popping it into her mouth.

“Hey! There she is!” Andy Darden said standing up from the table and go over to Libby. “Hey Andy.’ She said as he pulled her into a hug. Hearing the exclamation the rest of the firehouse came out including Chief Boden. “How are you feeling little sister?” Cruz asked after swinging her around in a dizzy hug. “I will be okay. I just need to heal.’ She answered as Kelly and Shay introduced her family to the house.  “Libby, can I have a word?” Chief Boden said motioning the girl over to where he and Dawson were standing. “Yes chief.’ She answered walking over to them. “I talked to headquarters today about what happened last week.” “my injuries are going to get me kicked out aren't they?” “No. In fact they wanted us to pre mentally place you in 51.’ Gabby said. Her eyes lit up as she nodded her head, “ Yes, yes.” she grinned.

 “And until you are healed I want you working the phones doing pay roll.” “Yes sir.” Boden nodded his head, “Good. I will see you first shift after you get back from Brooklyn.” “Yes sir.” she said again. “Good, go back to your family.” “Thank you. Thank you Gabby again for everything.” Gabby nodded her head as Libby went back to the group. 

“What was that about?” Andy asked. “Boden and Gabby were just informing me that I have a permanent place here at 51. Until this comes off I am working the desk and then after that I am a paramedic.”  “Yes!” Cruz said scooping her up again lifting her feet off the ground. She winced in pain but still smiled. “You guys can't get rid me that easy.”

[your-dietician]

MLB Trade Rumors and News: Cub throw no-hitter, Josh Bell to undergo MRI

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/mlb/mlb-trade-rumors-and-news-cub-throw-no-hitter-josh-bell-to-undergo-mri/

MLB Trade Rumors and News: Cub throw no-hitter, Josh Bell to undergo MRI

The MLB Daily Dish is a daily feature we’re running here at MLBDD that rounds up roster-impacting news, rumors, and analysis. Have feedback or have something that should be shared? Hit us up at @mlbdailydish on Twitter or @MLBDailyDish on Instagram.

It is always nice to start the day with some good news and Cubs fans woke up to fuzzy feelings all around as Chicago used four pitchers including starter Zach Davies and closer Craig Kimbrel to no-hit the Dodgers. Kimbrel looked like the Kimbrel of old and lets not understate how difficult it is to shut down that Dodgers offense. Really impressive.

The Nationals suddenly find themselves surging in the NL East and right in the thick of the race for first place. Unfortunately, Josh Bell, whose hot hitting had helped propel Washington up the standings, is headed for an MRI on his right side which is never great news.

There was a bit of news coming out of the NL East last night on the eve of the series finale between the Braves and Mets. For the Mets, it was good news as Michael Conforto was activated from the injured list after dealing with a hamstring injury for a month or so. The news was less good for the Braves as MVP candidate Ronald Acuna Jr. ended up being a late scratch from the game due to tightness in his lower back.

MLB’s routine foreign substance checks for pitchers, which began on Monday, got a little weird on Tuesday night. Nationals ace Max Scherzer lived up to his “Mad Max” nickname, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands in the air during an early routine check. Then when Phillies manager Joe Girardi requested that he be checked for a third time during the middle of an inning, Scherzer threw down his hat, unbuckled his belt, and looked like he was about to take off his pants before being discouraged from doing so. As it turned out, Scherzer walked so Sergio Romo could run, as the veteran A’s reliever threw down his hat, glove, and belt before dropping his pants during a foreign substance check.

The Rays promoted top prospect Wander Franco, and he immediately made his presence known on Tuesday night, hitting a game-tying homer for his first major league hit while also collecting a double and a walk. At Triple-A Durham, the 20-year-old was slashing .323/.376/.601 with seven home runs in 173 plate appearances.

The Mets’ rotation sustained a pair of blows on Tuesday, as the team announced that lefty Joey Lucchesi will undergo Tommy John surgery, then right-hander Marcus Stroman exited his start early with left hip soreness. While they have a comfortable lead in the NL East, the Mets continue to be dealt an incredible amount of adversity, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can stay afloat.

The Blue Jays have signed veteran reliever John Axford, reports Jamie Campbell of Sportsnet. The 38-year-old hasn’t seen a major league mound since 2018 and had been working as an analyst on the Jays’ pre and postgame shows before being asked to pitch for them again. The bulk of his career came with the Brewers, as he played in Milwaukee from 2009-13, but now the Ontario native will embark on his third stint with Toronto.

The Tigers have released Wilson Ramos, per a club announcement. The 33-year old signed a $2M deal with Detroit at the beginning of this year, and he looked like he was really giving the Tigers the most value for their buck after going yard six times in his first nine games. Unfortunately that took a turn in early May, when a back injury completely derailed the 12-year major league veteran. Should he be able to heal quickly enough for a late season renaissance, he could make a great extra backstop for a team in contention. Posting a 105 wRC+ for the Mets in 2019, he’s still got some gas left in the tank for whatever team is willing to take the risk.

Astros third baseman Alex Bregman is going to be out for an extended period after suffering a quad injury trying to beat out a double play last week.

Rays ace Tyler Glasnow’s season is in jeopardy after he suffered a partially torn UCL and flexor strain in his right arm. He’ll initially try to rehab the injuries rather than immediately opting for Tommy John surgery. In an interesting crossover with the biggest story being discussed around baseball right now, Glasnow said MLB’s crackdown on foreign substances contributed to his injury, as he stopped using a mixture of sunscreen and rosin, and as a result he began gripping the baseball so hard that he injured his elbow.

A lot has been made in recent weeks about the proliferation of foreign substances used primarily (but certainly not exclusively) by pitchers to get better grip on balls to have better command as well as to generate greater spin. It has been clear that MLB was going to crack down on the practice and now it looks like it has landed on its chosen punishment, as it was announced that players found to be using such substances will receive a 10 game paid suspension.

The Cleveland Indians received some pretty rough news about the reigning 2020 CY Young Award winner as Shane Bieber landed on the IL with a strained shoulder. Cleveland’s pitching staff has struggled to stay healthy and/or effective for most of the season and with the loss of their best pitcher in Bieber for a few weeks at least, their quest to try and run down the division-leading White Sox just got that much harder.

It is fair to say that the 2021 season has been a particularly weird one. Teams that we all thought would be good haven’t been and teams that were thought to be afterthoughts have been anything but. Our own Andersen Pickard broke down the five most surprising teams from the 2021 season so far.

It’s the most glorious time of the year: here’s your 2021 MLB Draft primer for notable players, draft order, and more.

The Twins are dragging their feet for extension talks with Jose Berrios, SKOR North’s Darren Wolfson reports. Berrios has one last year of arbitration eligibility before he’s free to sow his wild oats and hit the market in the 2022-23 offseason. And as of now, the Twins have done little to nothing to stop him. Could that be because the NL Central 4th place team is looking to use him as a lucrative trade chip come this year’s deadline? The 27-year old could bring a significant return for Minnesota, but is it enough to risk for them losing him? He’s having another strong season this year, with a 3.49 ERA and a 26% strikeout rate. Either way, as the trade deadline gets closer, we’ll see what moves the Twins are thinking of making.

After going 5-24 in the month of May, the Arizona Diamondbacks are reeling and are already buried in an NL West where even a good season would not guarantee a playoff berth. In order to try to stop the bleeding and try to get back to some level of decency, Arizona fired hitting coaches Eric Hinske and Darnell Coles. Sadly, given the breadth of that roster’s issues, it seems like that they will still end up as one of the league’s worst teams.

Baseball’s draft is slowly transitioning more and more to how drafts are run in other sports which is definitely a good thing. While the MLB draft has certainly been covered as an event, there were not a lot of players present during the draft festivities because of the conflict with the college season and the pre-draft workouts were largely private and lesser in number, again, because of conflicts with games being played. The league appears to be trying to change that as they announced a draft combine with over 100 players scheduled to attend towards the end of June.

Designated hitter Khris Davis, the 2018 major league home run and an imposing slugger for the last half decade, has been designated for assignment by the Rangers after slashing .157/.262/.333 in 22 games with Texas. Davis, who was acquired from Oakland for Elvis Andrus in February, will now look to latch on with another club, though he may have trouble finding another opportunity considering that he’s no longer a viable option in the outfield.

Yankees starter Gerrit Cole, long suspected to be one of baseball’s most prominent sticky substance users, delivered an extremely uncomfortable minute-long answer when asked by the New York Post’s Ken Davidoff whether he’s ever used Spider Tack while pitching. Cole did not provide an explicit yes or no, saying “I don’t know quite how to answer that, to be quite honest” and suggesting the shady practice was the fault of veterans who had passed it down to younger pitchers.

Outfielder Jarred Kelenic, widely regarded as one of baseball’s top prospects and the potential savior of the Mariners organization, was optioned to Triple-A Tacoma after getting into an 0-for-39 slump. Kelenic, who played just 28 games in the upper minors (21 at Double-A in 2019 and seven at Triple-A this year) before reaching the majors, has an .096 batting average and .378 OPS in 23 major league games.

The Orioles have placed John Means on the injured list for a strain in his throwing shoulder, which yes, is totally a bummer from any standpoint. While an MRI revealed no structural damage, reports Roch Kubatko of MASN, Baltimore isn’t taking any chances exacerbating his shoulder. He’ll be reevaluated after seven to ten days and the team will have a clear decision on what to do from there. In the meantime, Zac Lowther has been recalled from Tripe-A Norfolk to take his place.

The Nationals really needed Stephen Strasburg to look like the Stephen Strasburg from their World Series run in order to be consistently competitive during the 2021 season. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been what we have seen from Strasburg as he has lost some velocity and his stuff is not as crisp. Now, the Nats got even worse news after Strasburg was forced to leave his start against the Braves early as he was placed on the 10 day injured list with a neck strain that is causing nerve irritation.

The Mets had been hopeful to get Noah Syndergaard back in their rotation soonish to try and hold off their division rivals in what has been a surprisingly bad National League East. Unfortunately, they will have to wait a good bit longer, as Syndergaard’s rehab hit a setback, and elbow inflammation will keep him out until at least August.

Mickey Callaway has been awaiting his official fate from the league in the wake of some some serious and troubling allegations regarding his treatment of female members of the media. Well, MLB announced the results of their investigations where they found that Callaway had engaged in lewd and inappropriate conduct regarding his sexual advances towards journalists. He is now suspended through at least the 2022 season, and the Angels immediately fired him upon the decision being made.

The Rays have traded Willy Adames to the Brewers in a four-player deal. Trevor Richards was also dealt to Milwaukee in exchange for relievers Drew Rasmussen and J.P. Feyereisen. The 25-year old Adames was arguably the core of the Rays’ young lineup last season, though he had struggled this season before being dealt. He will be taking over as the shortstop for that Brewers, who have been starved for consistency at the position and in desperate need of an offensive boost.

Perennial MVP candidate Mike Trout probably won’t win the AL MVP Award in 2021, as he’s going to spend the next 6-8 weeks on the shelf recovering from a calf strain. Even though Trout had slumped in May, he still led the majors with a .466 OBP and 1.090 OPS due to the ridiculous .425/.523/.781 slash line he posted in April, and his loss is as massive as can be for an Angels team that was already struggling to stay above water in the AL West.

The Dodgers signed veteran slugger Albert Pujols to a major league deal, less than a month after he was designated for assignment and released by the Angels. For a moment there was a rumor floating around that the 41-year-old might sign with the Cardinals so he could play out his career with the team he made his name with. But clearly the Dodgers believe he has some fuel left in the tank, despite the .198/.250/.372 slash line he posted with the Angels this season.

Remember when the league and MLBPA got in a very public back and forth that resulted in MLBPA essentially calling the league’s bluff and calling for a shortened slate of games with the idea that the players were going to file a grievance? Do you remember that Manfred tried to one-up that by saying no season was going to happen at all unless the players waived the right to file a grievance? That was fun…and that grievance has arrived as MLBPA formally accused the league of negotiating in bad faith on the terms of the 2020 season.

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[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

Before the World Stops Turning: Pt. 10

Hello my lovelies! Alas, after about 2 long months, this story has finally reached its conclusion. I’m beyond excited for you all to see how the events of this chapter unfold, so without further ado…

Everything I’ve written can be found right here!

I hope you enjoy this chapter! (Keep an eye out for my final additional notes/random commentary about this chapter and the story overall at the end beneath the tags!)

***

Finn sat with his back against the wall of the venue distractedly watching the stage crew and members of the different bands performing tonight as they unpacked equipment and instruments from the back of one of the white vans in the parking lot in front of him.

Despite Finn’s apparent confidence when it came to actually performing on stage in front of large crowds of people, the hours leading up to each show left Finn a nervous wreck and when it got bad enough, he had a tendency to chain-smoke to help calm some of his pre-show jitters.

Finn lit up his fourth consecutive cigarette since he managed to break away from the rest of the band after they arrived at the venue in Danny’s van and pulled the small, leather-bound notebook from the pocket of his jacket that was draped over one of his legs.

When Finn was inspired, he always found that song lyrics and writing music came naturally to him; however, this summer he has been suffering from the worst case of writer's block he had ever experienced. As he read over the most recent lyric idea he had come up with after more difficulty that he would care to admit, Finn tried to draw inspiration for a new song or find a way to make that line fit with one of the various other songs he started but would likely never be able to finish.

We may be young and making dumb mistakes,

But we’re still learning the reasons why.

Just living life before the worlds stops turning…

Finn snapped his head upright and looked up from his notebook when he heard the rear door to the venue swing open and he saw Archie and Chop exit and walk along the wall of the building before sinking down to the sidewalk on either side of where Finn was sitting.

“Where are Alex and Danny?” Finn asked as he closed the leather notebook and returned it to the pocket of his leather jacket before flicking his cigarette butt into the small pile forming on the ground in front of him.

“Sound checking the instruments to make sure everything is sounding good. They sent us out to check on you because they said that you’ve been in a mood all day”

“I’m fine, Arch. Just amazed that the whole summer is basically over...it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be.”

“You did write and record a lot of music though! That’s really good, mate!” Chop said with a wide smile and reassuring nod.

“Yeah, I guess so…” Finn trailed off as he began examining his fingernails closely to give him something else to focus on.

Chop leaned over and pat Finn on the back as a comforting gesture before standing up from his seated position and walking back into the venue through the door beside them.

“Have you heard from Rae at all this summer?” Archie asked quietly to help fill the silence that was hanging in the air between him and Finn.

“No...ever since I lost my phone and had to get a new one with a new number, I didn’t have my contacts saved or anything so she didn’t have my new number and I didn’t know her number to reach out to her instead…”

“What about on social media? Did she try to reach out to you at all on there?”

“She might’ve, but it’s not like I would have even been able to see any messages she sent. After I lost my phone, my social media account got locked and I’ve been emailing support back and forth for the last month trying to get access of my account again, but nothing they’ve recommended has worked so far,” Finn explained with a mildly annoyed huff.

“Wow...that’s awful. I’m sorry, Finn.”

“S’alright,” Finn replied with a shrug and a sad smile.

“She might show up tonight, ya know? Both her and her mate seemed to be fans of our music...and from what I’ve seen and heard, Rae certainly seems to be quite the fan of you too”

“Hah! That’s unlikely...even if she did like me before this summer, she probably thinks I’ve been ignoring her texts and messages for the last month, which does not bode well for me at all if I’m trying to get her to like me back”

“You never know…” Archie added with a smirk which caused Finn to roll his eyes and chuckle lightly in response.

Finn looked up when he heard the distinct sounds of Chop’s laughter as he walked back out of the venue followed by Danny and Alex.

“Oi, are you two going to just sit around and chat all day or can you get off your arses and actually help the rest of us get set up for the show tonight?” Alex joked as the three of them walked past Finn and Archie towards where their band van was parked.

Archie quickly stood up and extended a hand to help Finn stand as well and the pair hurried towards the band’s van to help the others carry boxes of CDs and merchandise they were going to be selling at their merch table after the show. Even after unpacking and organizing the contents of their boxes on the table that they would be selling their items at after their performance, the combined effort of all five of them was more than enough to help them finish what they needed to do prior to the show in record time.

Since they had a significant amount of time to waste prior to when the doors for the show opened and they had to get ready to go on stage, the entire band decided to walk to a small shop down the road from the venue they were performing at to buy some drinks and snacks.

As they made their way back to the venue with their chosen sodas, bottles of water, and bags of crisps or candies Finn noticed that in that short time a significant amount of people had gathered in a line that wrapped around the venue leading to the entrance. Alex began walking ahead of the others and sprinted over to someone that was standing towards the middle of the line of concert goers waiting for the doors of the venue to be opened.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite physical therapy student! How is the ankle doing, Izzie?”

Finn overheard what Alex said as he walked nearer and looked over at them just in time to lock eyes with Rae, who looked just as surprised to see Finn as he was to see her. Finn did not break eye contact with Rae for a few long moments until Archie nudged his side with his elbow and Finn broke his stare to lift a hand and wave at Rae tentatively.

Rae returned the wave and gave Finn a quick smile before turning away from him to resume the conversation she had been having with her mate before Alex had interrupted.

Finn remained quiet as he kept walking and he soon noticed that Alex had caught back up with them as they entered the venue through the back entrance.

“Uhm, hey…” Finn began hesitantly as he tried to think of the best way to initiate this conversation, “so what was all that about and how do you know Rae’s mate, Izzie, so well?”

“She’s my first physical therapy student that I’ve had since I took the job full-time this summer!” Alex replied with a scoff as if to imply that the answer should have been obvious.

“Really? Why is she in physical therapy?” Archie asked before Finn had the chance to ask the same question.

“She got pretty badly injured during a dance performance at the end of the semester. It was actually the reason why she and Rae weren’t at our last show!”

“Our show back in May? What do you mean?” Finn asked with a look of confusion obvious on his face.

“Yeah! Izzie told me that Rae refused to leave her alone and she sat by her side in the hospital for hours while they examined her injury. She got injured the same day as our show, so the two of them had to miss it.”

“And you know all of this because..?” Archie asked as he rejoined their conversation.

“Izzie and I talk a lot about during our sessions,” Alex shrugged in reply.

Finn’s initial confusion had passed and as Alex’s words started to sink in, a sudden realization caused a wave of annoyance to wash over Finn.

“Hmmm, I see...And not once in the last two months have you thought to tell me that you have a decently close friendship with the best mate of the girl that I’ve been losing my mind over for the entire summer...Am I understanding this whole situation correctly, Alex?”

“I dunno, mate...I didn’t think about it, I guess.”

Finn nodded silently and walked away to join Chop and Danny where they were currently sitting beside the stage and watching the concert goers shuffle into the venue and fill the crowd in front of the stage.

“Look, Finn...it wasn’t like I didn’t try to figure out what happened. I know that Rae is special to you mate, but Izzie and I both thought it would be best for you two to work it out yourselves. I really am sorry that I didn’t tell you about all this sooner. Are we alright, buddy?”

The joking tone that was almost always present in Alex’s voice was absent for the first time that Finn could recall and as he looked up at his band mate, it was not hard to see the sincerity of his apology.

“Yeah, mate, we’re alright,” Finn reached up and clapped Alex on the shoulder before continuing with a small chuckle, “but you’re paying for the first round of drinks after the show tonight!”

Alex chuckled and groaned jokingly as the rest of the lads cheered in celebration.

“So Finnley...are my eyes deceiving me or is that your girl, Rae, standing in the crowd right now?” Chop asked with an eyebrow wiggle.

“Er, no...that’s her. I just—well, I just don’t know how to make things right with her or if she even tried to reach me at all in the last two months...I don’t see why she would’ve…”

“Rae texted and messaged you a lot in the beginning of summer, or so Izzie told me. I don’t think she knows that you lost your phone, so I can only imagine what this all seemed like for her...” Alex replied.

“Fuck,” Finn muttered under his breath as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, “I fucked up.”

“Well...sure things didn’t go as planned, but it wasn’t exactly your fault, Finn,” Archie replied in an effort to stop his mate from blaming himself too much.

“I really need to unfuck things up between Rae and me, huh?” Finn asked and he received a chorus of mumbles agreeing with him and nods from his band mates.

Finn stood up abruptly from the equipment case he had been sitting on, knowing that he needed to talk to Rae but with no real plan of how he should go about doing that, but he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder stopping him.

“Actually, as much as you would like to fix things with Rae right now, we first need to get warmed up. We do have a show to play, after all, and we go on stage in 15 minutes…” Danny said as he glanced down at the watch on his wrist.

Finn’s face fell slightly and he took a step back to lean against the equipment case he had been sitting on.

“Alright, don’t looks so sad Finney boy...This is fine! First we play the most kickass show of the summer, and then you can unfuck everything up and get your girl” Chop replied triumphantly, earning a small smile and a nod from Finn.

***

The music playing through the speakers of the venue between band sets came to a stop and the stage lighting shifted to signify that the next band that was scheduled to play was supposed to take the stage.

Finn trailed behind Danny alongside Alex and Archie as they walked on stage and found their respective positions on the stage. Finn scanned the crowd casually as he pulled the strap of his guitar over his head and adjusted it to sit comfortably on his shoulder.

Oh shit! There she is…

Finn could clearly see Rae and Izzie standing a short distance away from the stage on the side of the crowd closest to where Archie stood. When Chop finally walked on stage, the crowd went crazy and they immediately launched into performing one of their older songs that was always a crowd favorite.

“How’s it going ladies and gentlemen?” Chop called loudly into the microphone after their first song ended, “I see a few familiar faces in the crowd out there, but in case ya don’t know who we are, we’re a band that goes by the name ‘Kings and Queens’ and we’re here to blow your minds with some fucking amazing tunes! How does that sound to you all?”

The crowd erupted in cheers and applause and they transitioned right into the next song in their set. Despite Finn’s mind being focused on their performance enough to not make obvious mistakes, no matter how hard he tried to focus on what he was doing, his attempts were in vain and he found himself unable to stop looking at where he knew Rae was standing in the crowd.

After a few songs, Chop began talking to the audience when Finn grabbed the water bottle that was on the side of the stage beside the speaker closest to where Finn was standing. When Finn opened the water bottle and took a long drink from it, he saw Izzie lean over to Rae and whisper something in her ear out of his peripheral vision. At nearly the same time, Rae and Finn looked over at each other and Rae gave him a tight-lipped smile before turning around and navigating her way out of the crowd with Izzie trailing closely behind.

Fuck! They’re about to leave and I didn’t even get my chance to talk to Rae!

“Okay our next song is actually a song that our handsome guitarist here, Finn, wrote after he met a very special girl that came into his life unexpectedly and from the first time he saw her she rocked his world and turned his whole life upside down…”

Chop gestured to Finn—who had been watching Rae and Izzie leave the crowd until he heard his mate mention his name—which made him smile sheepishly and run a hand through the back of his hair in embarrassment, thus earning loud cheers from nearly every person in the audience.

“She really does make Finn do and say some pretty stupid shit, but what can I say? You’re intoxicating, babe!”

The crowd was still cheering loudly, but when Finn looked out into the crowd to find Rae, there was no indication that she was anywhere in sight.

“I know you’re out there in the crowd somewhere right now, baby girl, so hopefully you’re listening and you can see and hear how much of an effect you’ve had on our Finney boy here...this is our new song called ‘Alcohol or Love’...”

EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD STARTS TO BLUR,

NO ONE LEFT IN THE ROOM NOW BUT HER

JUST TAKE MY HAND BABE, JUST TAKE MY HAND

After playing their final few songs of their set, Finn and the rest of the band began to leave the stage after closing their set much in the same way that they close every show they play.

“I need to find Rae,” Finn said to no one in particular as soon as he was off stage and already putting his guitar away in its case as the others took their time leaving the stage.

Finn walked in the direction that he last saw Rae and Izzie walking away in during their set, but after looking for them for long enough that the next band had already taken the stage and was well into their set, Finn knew that there was no use in keeping up the search.

Well, I guess I missed my chance...if Rae really left, she definitely long gone by now…

Finn walked over to the merch table where Danny and Alex were currently selling CDs to a group of teenage girls that immediately asked for a picture and an autograph as soon as they saw him approaching.

When the small group of fans left and the other two at the table resumed their previous conversation, Finn looked around the venue and saw Chop and Archie near the stage on the opposite side of the venue. Finn furrowed his eyebrows in confusion when he saw the pair stop briefly and walk towards an area beside the stage that was out of Finn’s line of sight, but before long he saw Archie walking in the direction of the table where Finn was still sitting.

“Have you had the chance to talk to Rae yet?” Archie asked as he took a seat on the large equipment box behind their merch table where Finn was seated as well.

“No...I saw her walk away during our set and I tried to find her afterward but I think she might have left the show early…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure…”

“What do ya mean, Arch?”

“Oh, nothing...”

Finn looked over at Archie skeptically, but when he knew that Archie was not going to elaborate any further on the subject at this time, he simply shrugged and returned to selling CDs and chatting with the occasional fan of their band that stopped by their table to meet them.

When the show finally ended and the fans in the crowd began to disperse to buy merchandise and talk to the band members that were willing to meet fans, Archie stood from the equipment case and stretched before turning to face the others.

“Hey Alex, Danny...do you think you two can hold down the fort here at the merch table for a little while? Finn and I are needed elsewhere right now. I’ll be back in a little while and I’ll bring Chop with me too…”

“Yeah, of course!”

“We’ll be fine...go do what you gotta do…”

Danny and Alex replied before Alex leaned over and shoved Finn’s shoulder to coax him into standing up. Finn was still confused about what was going on, but he decided to follow where Archie was leading him nonetheless.

“Where are you taking me, Arch?”

“You’ll see…”

“Archie…”

“It’s fine, Finn...don’t worry about it!”

“Archibald!”

“Oh just shut up and follow me! I know you’ll be thanking me for this later…”

Finn begrudgingly followed Archie to the same area beside the stage where he had seen Archie and Chop stop a bit over an hour prior to this. Finn looked around this area off to one side of the concert venue where the stage lights were still shining and there were crews unplugging all the equipment on the stage and looked at Archie expectantly as he waited for Archie to explain why he brought him here.

“Okay, so Finn...now don’t get mad, but we knew that you wanted to make things right with Rae. But we also know how terrible with words you can be, and being in her presence certainly does not do you any favors.”

“What did you do, Arch?”

“Well, Chop and I crossed paths with Rae and her mate after our set and we decided that it was our responsibility as your best mates to help you unfuck up this whole situation...so Chop is over there explaining to Rae that you lost your phone and have been basically dead to the world in terms of you online presence due to a simple drunk night with the lads gone wrong...we couldn’t stand to think that she thought you were ignoring her, so we set the record straight and Chop has probably been talking her ear off for the last hour, so as long as you’re ready now, I think now is your chance to go talk to Rae!”

Archie grabbed Finn by the shoulders and spun him around to so he could see Izzie, Chop, and Rae a short distance away talking and laughing.

Rae looked up and locked eyes with Finn across the short distance separating them for a moment before giving him a wide grin and playfully rolling her eyes in response to something Chop must have said.

Before Finn could even fully register that he was moving on his own volition, he had closed the space between him and the others and he stood mere steps away from Rae, Izzie, and Chop.

“Hey, uhm...how’s it going, Rae?” Finn said hesitantly when he noticed a break in their previous conversation.

“Pretty good! And yourself, Finn?” She replied with a bright smile.

“Good too, I suppose…”

“Well Izzie, as riveting as this conversation is, I think it would be best if we left these two love birds alone, yeah?” Chop joked before gesturing for Izzie to follow him toward where Archie was still standing nearby.

“You got this mate…” Chop muttered as he clapped Finn on the shoulder with one hand before turning towards Rae and leaning in close to speak to her quietly, “Be gentle with my Finney boy, alright love?”

Chop pulled away and give the pair a smirk before walking away to join Izzie and Archie as they walked out of Finn’s line of sight to a different area of the venue.

“So…” Finn began hesitantly as he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

“So...you really lost your phone?” Rae asked with her eyebrow quirked.

“Yup”

“...in the middle of a bar fight?” Finn tried to gauge Rae’s tone when she asked this question, but he was unable to decide if she seemed impressed or disbelieving.

“Uh, yeah...sort of…” Finn mumbled before breaking eye contact with Rae to stare at the floor sheepishly.

“But Chop tells me that you were just standing up to some twats that harassed Archie?”

“Yeah, that part’s true too…”

“Huh…” Rae paused briefly and Finn looked up at Rae through his fringe to see her facial expressions when he saw a smile spread across her face, “That was really sweet of you.”

Finn returned the smile and a comfortable silence settled between them as a few moments passed before Finn gathered his thoughts enough to decide what he wanted to say.

“Rae, I—I swear that I really did want to talk to you and keep in touch this summer, but with losing my phone I basically got cut off from all forms of communication. And I only just found out that Alex has been seeing Izzie regularly for physical therapy sessions. If I had known sooner, I would have…”

“Don’t worry about it, Finn. I’ve know that he was her physical therapist for a couple of weeks now, but I figured if you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve found a way, so I didn’t try to use him as a middleman or anything.”

“Well still, I’m really glad to see that you made it out to the show tonight,”

“I’m glad Izzie and I decided to come out tonight too...I’m also glad that I was here to see you perform the new song you apparently wrote this summer that Chop was talking so much about.” Rae added with a smirk.

“Oh, yeah...that...he was exaggerating a bit, I assure you, but uh...I sort of thought you had left during our set because I saw you and Izzie walking out of the crowd and I was almost afraid that I had missed my only chance to make things right with you”

“Oh! Yeah, we were too close to the stage and it was really crowded and Izzie didn’t want to get stepped on by someone since her foot isn’t completely healed yet, so we found a little area next to the wall to stand by and still watch the performances.”

“That makes sense, I suppose,”

“Yup!” Rae popped the “p” at the end of the word as she reached forward to grab the black permanent marker that was sticking out of Finn’s shirt pocket, which caused Finn to cock his head to the side in confusion.

Rae grabbed Finn’s hand and brought it closer to her before turning his palm to face her as she used the marker to scrawl something across his hand.

“My phone number...I’m writing it on your hand so you can put it into your new phone. That way you won’t be able to use that as an excuse not the text me,” Rae said in response to the quirked eyebrow and look of confusion Finn was giving her.

“I’m putting your number in my phone right now!” Finn said as he hurriedly pulled his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and entered her phone number in as a new contact.

“So…” Finn said again when there is a break in the conversation.

“So...I have a bit of a request, if it’s not too much trouble…”

“What can I do for you, girl?”

“Well at the first concert I saw you perform at I got a picture with everyone except for you...and I wanted to see if I could get a picture with just you this time to make up for it, you know?”

“But of course, m’dear!” Finn replied with a grin before pulling his phone back out of his pocket, “Hey, mate! Can you please take a quick photo for us?”

The stage crew member that was currently packing up all of the equipment and wires that were still in a mess on the stage looked up when he realized that Finn was talking to him and he happily agreed and grabbed the cell phone from Finn while Finn and Rae prepared to take the picture.

“Alright...on the count of three say ‘cheese’!” the crew member said once he had brought up the camera on Finn’s cell phone.

Finn wrapped an arm around Rae and draped that hand gently over her shoulder, intentionally putting as little space between them as he possibly could while still respecting her personal space.

“Three”

Rae moved slightly closer to Finn until there was very little space between them as they waited for the photo to be taken.

“Two”

Finn looked over at Rae out of the corner of his eyes and he could clearly see the genuine smile lighting up her face and he knew that her smile went much deeper than just for the purposes of the picture.

“One”

A sudden burst of confidence came over Finn and as soon as the stage crew member taking the photo said “cheese” aloud to signal that he was taking the picture, Finn leaned over to gently press his lips to Rae’s cheek.

Rae pulled back after the photo was taken to stare at Finn, her jaw dropped in surprise, as a warm pink blush began spreading over her cheeks.

“What the fresh hell was that, Finn?”

“I dunno...you had to wait four months to get a proper photo with me, so I figured I might as well make it worth your while…”

“You cheeky bastard!” Rae added with a chuckle as she shook her head side to side in disbelief.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that without asking you first. I didn’t mean to—”

Before Finn could finish his statement, Rae closed the distance between her and Finn again and crashed her lips against his, effectively shutting him up and ending his rambling.

Though the kiss came as a surprise to him, as soon as Finn registered what was happening, he started to return the tender kiss, but he soon felt Rae smile against his lips as she pulled away and ended the kiss almost as suddenly as she started it.

“I, uh...that was...I mean...wow! Er, do you want to maybe go and get a drink with me right now?” Finn finally managed to stutter out as he continued to struggle to regain his train of thought after the unexpected kiss with Rae.

“I’d like that”

Rae reached for Finn’s hand and interlocked their fingers together before she turned to face him, “Lead the way, Finn!”

Finn and Rae walk hand-in-hand towards the exit of the concert venue—attempting to ignore the cheers and wolf whistles from the other members of Kings and Queens and Izzie who was sitting with them behind the band’s merch table—and Finn could not wipe the blissed out grin off his face even if he tried to.

THE END :)

@arathewallflower @eveerez @tinakegg @hey1tskat1e @lurkernolonger @milllott @nutinanutshell @i-dream-of-emus @milymargot @vivammfd @bitchesbecrazy89 @mallyallyandra @kneekeyta @tothetardissterek

A/N: Yay! We finally made it to the end of this story. I don't really have too much to say in terms of author's notes for this chapter, but what's one of my posts without a bit of rambling and nonsense at the end, you know? Hahaha I just wanted to start by thanking all of you for reading this story, first and foremost, but also for letting me know what you all think of the story as it progressed and just in general for being so supportive and amazingly sweet whenever I post a new chapter. As 2017 draws to a close, I've started looking back on my year and realizing how much my life has changed over the last year, mostly for the worse. One good thing that did happen was that I rediscovered my love of writing and it's been a great outlet for me when things have been especially tough, so I have each and every one of you guys that follow me and read my writing to thank for that. ^_^ I know I promised 3 new chapters/fics this week, but I've been really busy with all that's going on in my life and the holidays, BUT as of right now I'm thinking all 3 things I wanted to post should be up on or before Christmas...idk, we'll see... Until next time: Stay awesome, my friends! :D

[fan-of-mulligan]

GILLINGHAM 2019 / 2020 RELEASE / RETAIN LIST - HERE WOULD BE MY DECISIONS

Gillingham’s Twitter Feed Announced that Gillingham’s Released Retained List will be confirmed on Wednesday The 10th Of June 2020, below is the list of players who are out of contract and this is what I would do regarding which players I would keep and which players I would release, I would also make a decision on the loanee’s and which players I would like to see Gillingham either sign on loan or on a permanent basis for The 2020 / 2021 Season.

KEEP

Barry Fuller - Barry Fuller has been magnificent again for Gillingham and the only reason why I don’t think Barry Fuller is going to be in contention for The Gillingham Player Of The Season Award again this season, is because of the magnificent form of Max Ehmer, Jack Tucker and Connor Ogilvie, all three players were the main candidates picked for The Gillingham Player Of The Season Award, And if you were to ask me which one out of these three would I vote for as Gillingham’s Player Of The Season, Then My Choice would be Connor Ogilvie, who has been outstanding for Gillingham This Season and Ogilvie has scored some vital winning goals for Gillingham against Sunderland, Rochdale and Southend United.

But while Barry Fuller may not win the main award again this time around, Barry Fuller has still contributed to A Gillingham Defence which has conceded just Thirty Four Goals In Thirty Five League Games, Only Coventry City, Sunderland, and Doncaster Rovers have got a better defensive record then Gillingham In League One This Season, and in our final eight league games before the current season was brought to a halt, Gillingham kept four clean sheets in those eight matches against Lincoln City, Southend United, Shrewsbury Town and Burton Albion, With Gillingham picking up eight points from those four matches.

I would offer Barry Fuller another one year deal with an option of another year depending on appearances, Fuller’s Experience on and off the field is going to be so valuable for Gillingham and I have even seen suggestions from other Gillingham Supporters regarding Barry Fuller to be offered A Player / Coach Role, I think the contract offered will be purely a player role for next season, and if Barry Fuller is offered another contract at Gillingham, then I would not be at all surprised to see Barry Fuller start for Gillingham at Right Back for The 2020 / 2021 Season.

Max Ehmer - Max Ehmer made his 250th Gillingham Appearance at The Stadium Of Light in Gillingham’s 2-2 draw against Sunderland and Max Ehmer went from dislocating his shoulder in our 2-1 home defeat against AFC Wimbledon to playing for Gillingham against Sunderland a week later, which just goes to show the characteristics that Max Ehmer has got, also, Max Ehmer has really stepped up to take on The Captain’s Armband Role having declined being named as Captain in 2017 under Ade Pennock for lacking experience, If I am naming Connor Ogilvie for Player Of The Season, then Max Ehmer would be Gillingham’s Most Improved Player This Season and Ehmer is getting back to his best.

I would like to see Gillingham offer Max Ehmer A Two Year Contract, and if Max Ehmer were to play for every league game over the next two year’s, then Max Ehmer could make over 350 appearances for The Gills, also, with increased transfer speculation surrounding Jack Tucker and Connor Ogilvie, then it is essential that Gillingham tie Max Ehmer down to a new contract as soon as possible.

Mark Byrne - I can see Gillingham offering Mark Byrne a short term contract so that Mark Byrne can prove that he has recovered from that horrible anterior cruciate ligament injury, and there may well be the incentive of another contract offer on the table depending on how well Mark Byrne performs with his initial short term contract, LINK: https://www.kentonline.co.uk/kent/news/danny-spiller-signs-deal-with-an-a83165/ - I see similarities here between Mark Byrne and Danny Spiller, where Danny Spiller was offered a five month contract at Gillingham before being offered a longer deal and Gillingham may well decide to do something similar with Mark Byrne.

You know what you get with Mark Byrne, And with Tom O’Connor, Alfie Jones and Olly Lee all returning to there parent clubs then our midfielder options are going to be limited, and if by some luck and fortune that Gillingham were able to keep all three players for The 2020 / 2021 Season, then having Mark Byrne back, and back to 100% is only going to be beneficial to Gillingham Football Club, I cannot see Mark Byrne being offered a two year deal, we are going to be sensible with the deal we put on the table for Mark Byrne, So Gillingham will either offer a five month deal, or one year deal at the very maximum.

Henry Woods - Henry Woods has played a few times for Gillingham’s First Team This Season and he has quite often made the bench when our numbers have been depleted, Henry Woods scored for Gillingham in our 2-0 win against Bromley In The Kent Senior Cup and he has had a few loan spells this year where he has gone out on loan and made an impressive impact, particularly at Concord Rangers, And I think Henry Woods deserves to be offered a one year deal at The Gills.

Regan Charles-Cook - I think Regan Charles-Cook is very different to the other midfielders that we have got at this football club, he has pace, trickery and skill and the goals he has scored against Accrington Stanley and Blackpool have shown at times the technical ability that Regan Charles-Cook has got, and I am surprised that Regan Charles-Cook has not started more matches for Gillingham Football Club This Season, But Steve Evans has spoken about lacking consistency regarding Regan’s lack of game-time.

And In The Kent Senior Cup, Regan Charles-Cook scored in our 2-0 win against Bromley before scoring a brace in Gillingham’s 5-1 win against Dover Athletic in a match where Regan Charles-Cook could have scored five goals for Gillingham on that night, and I think Regan Charles-Cook is a player who could sign for another team in League One and put in several impressive performances before earning himself a move to A Championship Club, and with that in mind, I think it is essential that Gillingham offer Regan Charles-Cook A Two Year Deal, But a lack of game-time could well see Regan review his options and look to get first team football elsewhere which is an obvious concern.

Brandon Hanlan - Goals have been a problem for Gillingham this season, Alex Jakubiak and Brandon Hanlan both have scored seven goals for The Gills, Mikael Ndjoli scored three goals, Mikael Mandron has scored six goals, Jordan Roberts has scored twice and John Akinde has scored once, so the lack of fire-power is the main reason as to why Gillingham are eleventh in League One and not making a genuine challenge for the playoff positions in League One this season.

Some supporters think Gillingham should release Brandon Hanlan, I personally think that Gillingham should keep Brandon Hanlan and offer him a two year deal, this time last year, I was mentioning how Gillingham can build there team around Elliott List, Matty Willock, Darren Oldaker Regan Charles-Cook and Brandon Hanlan and really empathize how the youth route is going to be key for The Gills.

Brandon Hanlan runs the channels very well and his work-rate is without question and can never be doubted, But I think a combination of how Gillingham line up with a solid foundation in defence and the lack of goals from all of our strikers is why supporters would like to see Gillingham really focus on bringing in strikers who add some much needed fire-power to Gillingham’s Attack, I think Gillingham will keep Brandon Hanlan, But look to sign someone who will be our first choice striker to play alongside John Akinde.

Mikael Mandron - If you had asked me before Sunderland V Gillingham whether I think Gillingham should have kept or released Mikael Mandron, I would have said release all day long, But that performance from Mikael Mandron for Gillingham against Sunderland was a standout performance and it may well be a performance that earns Mikael Mandron another deal at The Gills, Finances and resources are going to be tight and I don’t think Mandron will want large wages and he would know he would be signing a new deal knowing that he would be a squad player at The Gills, I think Mikael Mandron would be offered a one year deal with the incentive of another year based on performances and appearances.

RELEASE

Ben Pringle - I don’t think we have seen the very best from Ben Pringle, he has missed pre-season which obviously means that Ben Pringle has had to play catch up throughout the season and he has picked up a few injuries, and been unable to get himself into the side on a regular basis because of the form of the midfielders in-front of him in the pecking order, There have been matches where Ben Pringle has been out-standing for The Gills, But just eleven appearances this season and the likelihood of Gillingham making a few signings in the summer, I think Ben Pringle will be allowed to leave Gillingham in the summer.

Ousseynou Cissé - Ousseynou Cissé only played five times for The Gills and three of those appearances were in The Football League Trophy, I think switching to the diamond midfield and Alfie Jones lining up as Gillingham’s Holding Midfielder has really limited Ousseynou Cissé’s time on the pitch at The Gills, and if there was a permanent move to Leyton Orient on the table in the summer, then I can see Ousseynou Cissé signing for Leyton Orient.

TJ Bramble - TJ Bramble hasn’t played for Gillingham’s First Team This Season, And I think the young midfielder needs to go somewhere and play competitive first team football, whether a permanent move to Sittingbourne (who TJ Bramble played for recently on loan) is on the cards I am not sure, But whoever TJ Bramble sign’s for next, It has to be a club where he is going to be playing week in, week out, and maybe the young midfielder can replicate what Mitchell Dickenson did at Hythe Town where he was playing first team football week in, week out before securing himself a move to Hemel Hempstead Town In The Conference South.

LOAN PLAYERS

Alfie Jones And Tom O’Connor - I really do hope that Gillingham can re-sign Alfie Jones and Tom O’Connor on loan again for The 2020 / 2021 Season, These two have both been first class throughout there time on loan at Gillingham Football Club, and if Southampton were to come back to Gillingham in the summer and say that Alfie Jones and Tom O’Connor can sign for Gillingham on loan for the entire season, then that would be fantastic, if we can only re-sign one of these two on loan, then Tom O’Connor is perhaps more realistic, Alfie Jones might be more difficult for Gillingham to re-sign on loan because his performances in holding midfield have been very impressive and Championship Clubs may well be looking to sign Alfie Jones on loan.

Jordan Graham - Just the seven appearances for Gillingham since signing on loan from Wolves, and in the matches that Jordan Graham has started for Gillingham against Blackpool and Sunderland, I don’t think we saw the very best from Jordan Graham, But when he has come on as a sub against Burton Albion and Southend United, I think we saw Jordan Graham put in better performances and it was from his cross where Connor Ogilvie scored the winning goal for Gillingham against Southend United, I don’t think Gillingham will sign Jordan Graham on loan or on a permanent basis, Gillingham have lined up with a 4-4-2 diamond midfield and Jordan Graham is a out and out right winger, Can Jordan Graham line up on the right side of the diamond midfield or at right back perhaps ??? if the answer to that question is yes, then that versatility could well see Jordan Graham earn himself a deal at The Gills.

Jordan Roberts - Gillingham signing Jordan Roberts is a no brainer for me, Roberts can play on either flank, as a central attacking midfielder or up-front and although he has only scored two goals for The Gills in ten matches (both for Gillingham against Rochdale) I think Jordan Roberts has shown during his time at Gillingham that he can lead the line, run in behind the back four and be a constant nuisance for defenders to deal with, I realise that offering Jordan Roberts a new deal means that Gillingham will have A New Striker, Brandon Hanlan, John Akinde, Jordan Roberts and Mikael Mandron as our five senior strikers, and maybe five doesn’t go into four, But having many attacking options available could well be something that improves Gillingham’s Goal Tally and we will have competition for places in attack which will be the difference maker, Because for the first half of this season, Brandon Hanlan and Mikael Mandron lead the line and Alex Jakubiak and Mikael Ndjoli were often on the bench, where as the additions of John Akinde and Jordan Roberts have improved Gillingham’s Attacking Options for the second half of the season.

Olly Lee - With Hearts relegation from The SPL confirmed and the fact that Olly Lee lives locally to Gillingham, I think that there is a very good chance that Olly Lee will sign for The Gills, the big stumbling block is the fact that Olly Lee still has one year left on his current contract, But with Hearts getting relegated into The Scottish Championship, they may well have to let players go to balance the books and be able to bring in the players they need to sign to secure a instant return to The SPL.

HOW THE SQUAD WILL LOOK

GOALKEEPERS: Jack Bonham, Joe Walsh

DEFENDERS: Barry Fuller, Max Ehmer, Jack Tucker, Connor Ogilvie, Alfie Jones, Tom O’Connor

MIDFIELDERS: Mark Byrne, Stuart O’Keefe, Matty Willock, Regan Charles-Cook, Henry Woods, Olly Lee

STRIKERS: John Akinde, Mikael Mandron, Brandon Hanlan, Jordan Roberts

With all the players listed above, this means that Gillingham will have a eighteen man squad and four or five additions will take the squad up to twenty two / twenty three, and first and second year scholars who will be given there first professional contracts at Gillingham Football Club could well take the first team squad up to twenty five / twenty six players in the squad.

I am also anticipating some surprising decisions when it comes to the release / retain list, Henry Woods and Mikael Mandron going would not be too surprising, But Regan Charles-Cook and Brandon Hanlan not being offered contracts would be a decision that takes Gillingham Supporters by surprise, there is always one player who gets released who supporters think that Gillingham should have kept when the release / retain list is announced.

Anyway, these are my thoughts and opinions on Gillingham’s Retained List, Feel free to reply to this with your own retained list on who you think Gillingham should offer contracts to, and who do you think will be released as well.

[twisted-broth]

What an Idiot- Alexander x Reader

Reader gender- Female

Warnings- None

Word count- 1516

“What's the problem this time?” You asked as Alexander made his way into your medical tent.

“My head hurts.” He shrugged.

“Your head hurts.” You repeated.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Alexander, I have people here who have been shot and you're here because your head hurts.”

He nodded, looking around at the wounded soldiers in your tent.

You sighed, “You’re lucky everyone's patched up. Sit down.” You tapped the cot next to you.

He quickly made his way over to the cot and laid down.

“Have you received any injuries to the head recently?” You asked while retrieving some of your supplies.

“No.” He replied.

“Any difficulty sleeping, lack of sleep or excess sleep?” You asked as you felt for his pulse.

“I- uh- I don't really sleep all that often.” He admitted.

“Alexander!” You scolded, dropping his wrist, “You need sleep you idiot! No wonder your head hurts. Here,” you pulled out a melatonin pill and handed it to him, “take this and take a nap. I have patients to check up on.”

You left him to his own devices as you went to check the patients with more severe injuries.

“Y/N!” Lafayette yelled, barreling into the tent.

“Laf!” You whispered, “People are sleeping here!”

“Sorry!” He apologized, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Have you seen Alexander?”

“Yeah, he's sleeping over there.” You pointed to Alex over your shoulder.

“I've been looking for him everywhere!” Laf groaned.

“And what made you stop by here?” You questioned.

“Why do you think he's always here?” He retorted.

“Well I always figured it was because he can't handle an injury of any sort…” you muttered.

“Non.” Laf shook his head. “The man is head over heels for you, mon ami.”

“Ha! As if!” You laughed.

“It's true!” He insisted.

“Okay, Laf. Don't you have a war to be planning?” You asked, going back to the patient you had been helping.

“Oui! That's why I'm here. I need Alexander.” You grabbed his arm as he started walking towards Alex.

“Marquis de Lafayette, don't you dare touch him. I don't even know the last time he slept. He needs this.”

“Okay, okay!” He laughed, “Just send him to the general's tent when he wakes up, yes?”

“Sure thing, Laf.” You sighed as the Frenchman left.

There's no way Alexander could really love you. Right?

“You're good to go, Mr Jackson. You should be all straightened out but, try to avoid using that arm for a few more days.” You told the soldier with the sprained arm.

You collapsed on the now empty cot, exhausted by all the things that had happened already. There was Mr Chase, Mr Valdez and Mr Grace who were all recovering from bullet wounds. Mr Underwood and Mr Castellan who had broken limbs. Mr La Rue with a bruised spine. And Mr Hamilton who just needed to sleep for once in his life.

To top off all your patients, the battle of Gloucester was in full swing. More and more people were dying everyday. The tents surrounding yours were filled with soldiers just as bad off as the ones you were treating.

Another hour passed as you read Common Sense by Thomas Paine. You had read it many times over, seeing as it was one of the only books out had managed to bring with you.

“Nurse!” A large, booming voice yelled.

“What is it? Is someone hurt?” You jumped up to greet the person who forced their way into your tent.

“Where is he?” General Washington growled.

“I don't know what you mean.” You lied.

“I have waited two hours for this man and I have a war to plan!” He pushed his way passed you to get to the back of the tent where Alexander slept.

“Sir, with all due respect, Alexander is in desperate need of rest. Without his sleep, he will be of no help in planning, or on the battlefield.” You talked quickly as he made his way to Alex.

He ignores your pleas and quickly shook Alex awake.

“What is it?” He asked as he shot up.

“Let’s go, we have planning to do.” Washington demanded.

“Alexander, wait!” You grabbed his arm as he began to leave.

“Y/N, thank you for the help but I really should go.” He mumbled.

“You're going to battle tomorrow, yes?” He nodded. “You're going to be absolutely useless. I really hope you won't go but, if you must, take one of these and get a good night's sleep.” You gave him a bottle of sleeping pills and watched as he quickly left with the general.

You sighed as you watched them leave. You really didn't feel good about Alexander fighting tomorrow, running on only a few hours of sleep. But, the general’s orders had been very clear. There was nothing you could do.

___

“Nurse! We need help; he's been shot!” Someone yelled as they ran into your tent.

“Who is it?” You asked as they rushed a person onto a cot, though you already had a guess.

“Alexander Hamilton.” The soldier said.

“Okay I need you,” you pointed to the one who had just spoken, “to use this and apply pressure to the wound.” You handed him a rag and guided his hands to the bullet hole. You pulled out a pre made box of equipment and set it on the small table next to you. You turned to another man and said, “I need you to hand me stuff when I ask for it. Got that?”

“Yes ma’am.”

You have the first man a new rag as the one he had quickly soaked with blood.

“Y/n?” Alex asked weakly.

“Dammit, Alexander! You made me think you were unconscious. It's just in your arm, you're not going to die but, I need you to stay with me. Keep talking.” You commanded as you checked his pulse.

He laughed lightly.

“What is it?” You noticed that the bleeding had stopped and went to work.

“This is my writing arm.” He sighed.

“Sit up for me?” You helped him shuck off his jacket so you could have better access to the wound. “Maybe you'll finally have an excuse to sleep then.” You retorted.

“Ha… maybe. I'm so tired… do I have to keep talking?” He muttered.

“Tweezers.” You received a pair of tweezers and began carefully searching for the bullet fragments. “Yes, Alexander. I know you need sleep but, you never stop talking so don't do it now, okay? This is going to hurt a bit.”

You began to retrieve the pieces of the bullet that had lodged themselves into his arm.

“If I- ow!- if I die, I want you to- OW!- donate my body parts to charity. Except my middle finger. Give that to the king.” He gasped, attempting to be funny in the tense environment.

“You're not going to die, Alexander.” You muttered, fishing out the last of the bullet. “Needle and thread.” You laced up the needle and began to work.

“Why do you always call me Alexander? Why not Alex?” He whispered.

‘Hm maybe it's because I'm denying that I have feelings for you and am trying to do all I can to isolate myself from you.’ You thought.

“I don't know… you never told me specifically to call you that so I guess I just never did.” You mumbled as you stitched up his wound.

“Huh. No one else's done that.” He said thoughtfully.

“You're done. Make sure you get some sleep now, okay?” You said as you tied off your thread.

You dismissed the soldiers around you as you began packing up your stuff.

“Y/N?” Alexander’s words stopped you.

“Yeah?”

“Laf told me what he told you. About how I… might harbor some feelings for you.” He mentioned.

“Mm hm.” You hummed.

“I know you didn't believe him but…”

“But?”

“He was right.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, not believing he could possibly share your feelings. “He was… wait, what?”

He laughed lightly. “Stupid, isn't it? I would always come up with the tiniest excuses to come see you. I just…” he sighed, “I just really like you, Y/N. I know I shouldn't and it will most likely end with problems for us, what with being different classes and such. God, I'm saying this as though we're getting married. Is it getting hot in here? I'm talking really fast, aren't I? I'm sorry, I-”

“Jesus Christ, Alex, shut up for one second.” You pleaded.

“You called me Alex.” He whispered after a moment of silence.

“Don't take this the wrong way but, I always get a little happier then I should when I see you walk through that tent. What can I say, Alex. You seem to have won me over.” You sighed.

“Really? Oh, sweet!” He cheered. You laughed at his outburst. “Huh? Oh, right, gotta be formal. Y/n L/n, would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you?”

“Of course, Alexander. But, for now, you really should sleep.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Hamilton Taglist

@kirstentheineffectiveemo @snowbubby1 @mistypancake10666 @fulmoonwulf @spaceoutloud

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

[michaelakhan]

My happiness is… How my varsity squash career went so wrong, but so right

Michaela here, your resident university squash player. No, squash is not the same as racquetball. No, you don’t get hit by the ball that often. But yes, it bloody hurts when you do.

I’ve grown up in what you would call the epitome of #SquashFam. My dad was (and is) pretty freaking good at squash – 2x individual and 3x team OUA champion, former #1 player in Trinidad. My sister is the current #1 player on the Western University team. Our parents actually met playing squash in the great city of London, Ontario, where I have been living for the last 6 years.

It should be no surprise that I started playing squash when an adult racquet was probably taller than me. I played recreationally throughout my childhood, but it was mostly just a place to hang out with friends. Instead, I was enjoying a rather illustrious gymnastics career, while also dabbling in a gazillion other sports. However by my mid-teens, it became evident that my time gymnastics was coming to an end (story for another day). Being the ‘all or nothing’ type of person I am, I knew I needed to find another sport that I could throw myself into. With an international coach at my fingertips (shoutout to Coach Khan aka Dad), squash seemed like a decent place to start.

One little problem. As it turned out, I really, really, really hated squash. Emphasis on the really.  

I cannot tell you how many times I threatened to quit. I would cry in the change rooms after (sometimes during) practice, thinking how anyone could enjoy this absolutely brutal sport. Chasing around a tiny, uncontrollable ball while trapped in a 4 walled room... That was supposed to be… fun?!

LOL. Apparently.  

Fast forward a few years. As much as I despised squash, I was fueled more by competitiveness than hatred. The more tournaments I entered and got my ass handed to me in, the more I desired to master the crazy game. Finally, I made the decision to try out for the squash team at the same university my Dad had played at the #1 position for.

I miraculously made it through try-outs and onto the playing team, but my first year on the team was incredibly trying. I still hadn’t fully figured out if I actually liked the sport, but I had decided I didn’t fit in on the team. New teammates, new coaches, new school. I struggled so much socially that just showing up to practice seemed like a chore. Squash may be an individual sport, but I had never felt so isolated.  

Thankfully, the ball seemed to become more controllable as I moved through university. I made the jump from the #4 player in my 1st year to the #2 player in my 3rd year, and looked set to hold down the #1 spot in my 4th year. I had made life-long friends on the team, endured punishing tournaments that pushed me to my limits, and was maintaining a solid GPA. My love for the sport was blossoming. Squash dominated my thoughts, even when I wasn’t on court.  

Life may have seemed good on the outside, but inside, a storm was brewing. One year after another, I would end the season with one of my feet in a cast. The third time I slipped on my trusty old Aircast boot, my doctor wouldn’t clear me to play. Weeks went by, then months. Finally, my injuries stretched through the seasons. Plural. It took so much of my physical and mental energy to crawl my way back to the court after so much time not being able to crawl out of bed because of the pain and heartache.    

I got there in my 6th year at Western. I rejoined the starting line-up in September 2018 - not fully functional, but at least on court.

I was out again by December 2018. Surgery scheduled for April 2019. 

‘Devastated’ doesn’t come close to describing it.  

During my recovery, I came across an article by Alex Cyr, a St FX and U Windsor track athlete (http://uwindsorlance.com/a-friendly-word-of-advice-to-fellow-student-athletes/). He talked about athletes whose lives are consumed by their sport (check), and what happens when, by cruel twists of fate, you can no longer play it anymore. He suggested that if and when that happens, to find new ways to contribute to your sport.

Looking back at my university squash career, I saw immense failure. It was painful to admit that I would never be a true #1 on the team or leave any sort of legacy. I felt like a fraud - walking around in my varsity jacket knowing how long it had been since I had played a tournament. However, after reading that article I realised that I may have still found the ‘ways’ that Alex talked about.  

I had been a 1x vice-captain and 2x captain, roles I took very seriously and still consider to be the biggest honour Western ever gave me. I had the opportunity to tour prospective high schoolers around campus. I logged hours upon hours of court time, coaching the team through drills. I cheered for my teammates in matches and travelled with them all over the province. I had the privilege of introducing players in tournaments and giving the pre-game pep talk. In the minute and a half between games, I offered teammates the best advice I had to give. Hands were held and shoulders were cried on during the hard times. Milestones – everything from first kisses to overcoming mental illnesses – were celebrated. We danced the night away at tournaments and laughed until we hit the floor. My heart would swell with pride when teammates sent me good midterm marks that had boosted their grades. My own grades had stayed consistent too – earning an OUA All-Academic Canadian certificate (and a darn good free lunch) each year and a fully funded master’s degree. I had also found my voice – less afraid to speak up when things didn’t feel right. As a 6th year veteran, I felt it was my duty to make sure that no teammate should feel like I had in my own 1st year.  

In those aspects of varsity sport life, I had not failed.  

My time on the Western University squash team will not be remembered in writing like my Dad’s achievements. My kids will not walk past squash trophies with my name on in Thames Hall or a picture of me in Western’s Student Recreation Centre. I was not an MVP, Purple Blanket winner, or an OUA All-Star. 

Did I want all those things? Hell yeah.

But things don’t always work out the way you want them to, and now I can see my gains instead of losses.

Through all my successes and failures, I will always be proud to have worn the Mustang on my chest for 6 years - as a teammate, captain, coach and, most importantly, a friend.

So for the last time - Stangs on 3.  1, 2, 3… STANGS!

Be kind to yourself, 

Michaela (aka girl who asked for a burrito immediately after her surgery but was denied this right because she threw up after chugging ginger ale)

☼ / ☾

Picture time!!!!

Yep, pretty sure the racquet’s taller than me

First OUAs at home in London - it may look like I was on top of the world here (ha ha) but I was really struggling

Dad’s picture at the Western Student Recreation Centre - I walk past this picture of my Dad each time I go to the courts on campus. It’s a good reminder that he is quite literally always looking over and out for me 

Dad and Western University’s legendary coach Jack Fairs at the Western Mustang Sports Hall of Fame Banquet, Oct 2018. Dad’s holding a picture his 2nd individual OUA championship trophy in 1990. As a coach and mentor (read “second father”), Jack changed my Dad’s life in many ways. I am always thankful to have spent many weekend afternoons with Jack and Peg, hearing stories about the glory days and indulging in Peg’s unparalleled baked goods

At Western, you receive a Bronze W award if you play on the first team for a minimum of 3 years. I was given mine exactly 25 years after my Dad earned his

I didn’t know it at the time, but this would be my last appearance as a Mustang on court, so it’s fitting it was in London. Ankle braces in tow, but I was ecstatic to be on court again! #ThatHeadbandTho

Last Athletic Banquet -  always a fun time with old and newer friends. Miss you all (and that buffet!!!!) already

I found a family on the squash team, but was also unbelievably lucky that my squash family included a member of my real life family. My sister Madison is my inspiration and I will always look up to her. Literally and figuratively – she may be younger but she happens to be much taller. Still trying to convince her to move to Vancouver with me, any help will be greatly appreciated!!! I told her she could keep kicking my butt out there but apparently that’s not enough (she’s been able to beat me for years, probably getting bored of it)

[werenzki]

Sidney Crosby #3

Anonymous said: Can you write an imagine about Sydney crosbys recent injury and how his wife and 3 children are at the game and they witness the whole thing. You eventually are brought in the back and waiting for what seems like forever and the children run to him but you give them a stern warning. You guys end up going home and you have to take care of him and your children.

A/N: this isn’t my best work but it’ll have to do, sorry!!! hope you all liked it though :)

Word Count: 2,645

Watching Sidney get hit in any way was rough. Your mind immediately went to the scariest word anyone could put in the same sentence as your husbands name as the clock stopped only 6 minutes into the first period tonight. And when he wasn’t getting up on the ice, instead rolling over as the trainer came up to him, you felt your stomach hit the ground. 

“Mommy,” you looked to where your oldest daughter, Payton, sat - in between you sat your oblivious little toddler son, Brandon, who was more interested in his iPad than the game. “Is daddy okay?” She asked, her lips pouted out as she watched the ice. 

“Yeah, of course, baby,” you replied back in a rush. As you watched Sid skate across the ice hunched over, you weren’t so sure about that answer anymore. But you’d never tell your worried 8-year-old that her dad could possibly get yet another head injury.  

“He’ll be back right?” She asked, eyebrows pulled together as she sat on the edge of her seat. The game was going back into play now, but you couldn’t watch not knowing what was going on with Sid. 

“I’m not sure, sweetie,” you gave her a weak smile and reached across to grab ahold of her hand. “He’ll be checked out by all the good doctors and then maybe he’ll be back for the next period,” 

“Okay,” she nodded, “I just hope he’s okay. We need him to win,” 

“What about uncle Geno and the rest of the team? You don’t think they can win without dad?” 

“Well, yeah, but I want to see dad score,” she stated and shrugged her shoulders. 

“What if Jake scored though? Maybe he’ll even do it in your honour again,” you sent her a wink. She immediately blushed and groaned before leaning back in her seat. You chuckled, teasing her about her little crush on the young blonde was always funny, but right now you were just glad you could get her to not worry too much about what was happening with Sidney. You were doing enough worrying for the whole family. 

It wasn’t till the major penalty was over that you decided you couldn’t just sit and watch any longer. You gathered up your two kids and made way down to the event level to find your way through the back hallways. At first you were lost, and both Payton and Brandon were either grumbling or whining as you looked around the halls. 

“Can I help you ma’am?” You turned to see a security guard for the arena standing there, offering you a smile and waving to Brandon. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m looking for my husband, Sidney, uh Crosby,” you stumbled out the words but finally settled with a smile. Before the security could answer your attention was brought to your son trying to run away. “Brandon,” you cursed under your breath and jogged after him. You grabbed ahold of his jersey and pulled him back to where Payton was standing, thankfully, quietly with the security guard. 

“Hold onto your sister’s hand and please, please be good for mommy,” you pleased to your son who was pouting now. Payton grabbed onto his hand but he then started to fuss and was quick to rip from her grasp and throw himself onto the floor. “Brandon,” you hissed and quickly scooped him up in your arms and rested him on your hip before turning back to the security. 

“The away dressing room is just this way, but I believe he is getting checked out by doctors still,” he explained, “the medical room is only a few doors down from the dressing room,” 

“Thank you,” you smiled while following him down the hallway. Between the scare with Sid, Brandon’s misbehaving and Payton taking her time, you were quickly feeling overwhelmed. 

“Y/N?” You sighed with relief as you heard Kris Latang’s voice and his head poke out from the dressing room. 

“Oh thank god,” you murmured while walking up to him. The helpful security guard ended up just standing beside another security by the dressing room and letting you turn your attention to your friend. Brandon started to fuss in your arms, throwing his body around, causing you to nearly drop him - but Kris was quick to grab the toddler and hold him in his arms now. 

“Sid’s still with the doctors,” he mentioned after talking to your son. You nodded and leaned against the wall beside you. 

You looked over your shoulder to see Payton was paying you no attention, instead she was on her phone. You turned back to Kris and rubbed your forehead, “is it bad?” 

Kris didn’t respond immediately, instead looking down at the ground and then at your son. You felt your eyes water up at the obvious answer that wasn’t said out loud. But you looked up at the ceiling and then blinked away the tears before looking back to Kris who had a sympathetic face in return. 

“I, uh, can I be rude and dump my kids on you for a second? I just need to call back my mom, she’s babysitting Lily tonight and I’m guessing she saw the hit, hasn’t stopped texting me,” 

“Of course, anything to help,” Kris smiled and then went into full dad-mode while entertaining your son and getting Payton into the dressing room while you pulled out your phone and called your mom. 

As the phone rang in your ear, you took a few steps away from the dressing room door and down the hallway. Leaning against the wall again, you shut your eyes and calmed yourself down. But it wasn’t going away, the stress and anxiety was so high you felt your heart racing and your head started to spin. After you, in as little words as possible, got through the conversation with your worrying mother, you made sure your 3 month old baby was fine back home in Pittsburgh and then ended the call. 

It felt like you were waiting forever in the room with Kris. But he was good, being there with you during the time. He kept Brandon happy and answered some silly questions from Payton whenever she wasn’t looking at her phone screen. You knew if he wasn’t here to give you a hand, you’d probably be losing it by now and dealing with upset children in a time like this wasn’t really ideal. 

“Listen,” you had both kids in front of you as you got word Sidney was going to be out of the medical room soon. “Dad’s hurt, alright, he’s going to be okay but his head got hit pretty hard and now he’s going to need some time to get better. So when he comes in here I need you two to not be a handful, okay Brandon?” 

You looked at your son, he looked so much like his father that it made you heart swell up every day. He nodded and then was biting down on his jersey. He looked tired and you were very okay with it cause that’d mean he’d be less of a handful now. Payton nodded too and then sat back down before looking on her phone. You could see she was checking the score on the TV in the room too, clearly worried about the game that we were currently losing. 

Another moment passed, filled with a conversation with Kris about his son Alex missing pre-school today cause he was sick, only for him to be jumping around all day. Then he wanted to get on a plane and come to the game tonight too. You chuckled at his story, but then you noticed a few people entering the room. One being your husband, who was no longer dressed in his gear but instead in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. 

“Daddy!” Payton jumped up from her seat, leaving behind her phone, and ran towards Sidney. Brandon screamed, his new favourite thing to do, and followed after his sister across the room. You sighed and watched as they pulled at him and asked questions. 

“Guys,” you said as you got up and approached them. Sidney was picking up Brandon while Payton had yet to let him go, her thin arms wrapped tightly around his torso. “Please, let your father relax, like I asked you too,” 

Payton pouted but let go of him, Sidney kissed his head but then put down Brandon and let him start running around again. Payton seemed to be over the fact her dad made an appearance and first started running around with Brandon before settling back beside Kris with her phone. Kris was, again, helpful and got Brandon back to his side while showing him something on his phone. You sighed and turned back to look at Sidney. 

“I was so worried,” you muttered while wrapped your arms around him. He embraced you back and placed a kiss on your head. “What’d the doctor say?”

“Concussion,” he murmured while you leaned back to look up at him and frown. 

Everyone knew how big of a deal that work really was for any athlete. But with it being playoff season, you also knew that Sidney would be hating this more than ever. While staring up into his eyes, you were trying to imagine being in his shoes - having to not play in this game would be killing him enough, so you just had this feeling that he was going to push through this injury as much as possible. And that scared you more than anything. 

“Mom!” Your daughter screams and whining caused your attention to turn from your husband to what was happening behind you. Even though you were worried about Sidney, you knew he could handle himself - your kids on the other hand, they could only be ponded off to friends/teammates for so long. 

“What’s wrong?” You questioned. Payton had her arms crossed and a large frown on her face. 

“Brandon hit me!” She replied. 

“Alright,” you sighed and brought your hand up to rub the back of your neck. “Brandon, sweetie,”

“Come on, son,” Sidney stepped around you, making way towards Brandon - who was now pouting, seeing as he was getting in trouble, and hiding beside Kris. As he picked up him up into his arms, you walked up to Payton and kneeled down beside where she was pouting in one of the player stalls a few feet away from the boys. 

“Payton, you need to realize that in a few years you’re not going to be able to really fight back with Brandon, he’s going to get older and stronger. So when his little fists hits you, just remember that you’re stronger than him now and you can handle it, okay?” Payton nodded, lips still pouted, and you brushed back her long brown hair. 

You stood up and reached out so your little girl would take ahold of your hand. She finally broke her smile and stood up while grabbing your hand to follow you back over to the boys. As you approached them, Sid took a step forward and was looking at Brandon who was still pouting in his arms. 

“What do you have to say to your sister?” He asked the boy in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, Pay-tone,” Brandon muttered before throwing his face into his fathers shoulder. You smiled at the fact he still had yet to figure out his sisters name, it was the cutest thing. He called his younger sister, Ill-ee too. 

You looked at Sidney, noticing how tired he looked, but still smiled at him. There was no one else you could imagine raising these hooligans with. Even with just having a head injury only moments ago, he was here helping you with the kids and the troubles they came with. Sidney smiled back to you but he then looked up at the TV on the wall. There was only a minute left in the first period now, and that meant the boys would be in the room any moment. 

You turned to look at Kris, who was looking at the TV as well, “Kris,” you called for his attention. He looked at you with his eyebrows raised. “Thanks for your help,”

“Yeah,” Sidney said, “thanks man,” 

Kris nodded and stood up, “anytime, guys,” he smiled. 

“We should head to the hotel now,” Sidney sighed. You nodded and watched as he turned to talk to a trainer, after they exchanged a few words he turned around again and waved you and Payton over. Just as you were all making way down the hallway, you saw the team and coaches heading towards you. 

Sidney was stopped by all the coaches, causing you to step in and take Brandon from his arms. He fused at first, but when you walked down the hall further and a few of the guys on the team took noticed in the little guy, he was smiling again. Jake even stopped to give Payton a high five, leaving the poor girl with red cheeks and hiding behind you as Sidney made his way back to you. 

When you got back to the suite at the hotel, Sidney was quick to say his goodnights to the kids and then settle into the bedroom as you got them ready for bed themselves. Brandon put up a fight while getting into pjs, and Payton wanted to order room service, then ended up pouting as Brandon stole her pillow. After much work, you got them tucked into the pull-out bed and had on a kids channel for them, then you were slipping into the bedroom yourself. 

“Sorry I didn’t help you out there,” Sidney said as you shut the door and slumped over to where your suitcase was sitting. He was laying in bed, with the game on the TV across from him. The team was sitting losing, and the third was half way through. 

“It’s fine, Sid,” you sighed while grabbing ahold of your sleeping attire for the night. 

“Don’t be mad at me,” he pouted. You was slipping into the shorts you had packed as he watched you. “Please,” he added. 

“I’m not mad,” you huffed while tossing your clothes back into the suitcase. 

“You sure?” He asked.

“Yes,” you smiled and got into bed beside him. “I’m just worried, that’s all,” 

“Don’t worry about me,” 

“Of course I’m going to worry about you, Sidney,” you chuckled. “You’re my husband,” you paused and cuddled up beside him in the bed. You too watched the game on the TV screen, unsure of how the rest of this game was going to go for the team. 

“I should’ve been out there,” Sidney muttered. 

“No,” you were quick to shut down his idea. You sat up and turned to him, frowning as he had his eyebrows pulled together. “Please, for me, don’t push yourself. I understand it’s the playoffs, but your health matters more. Don’t rush back into the game, your team can handle this,” 

“I just need to rest for a day,”

“Don’t rush it Sid,” you piped back. He narrowed his eyes at you and just then Geno scored. “See, your team can do this. Just take it slow and be there to cheer them on,” 

“Fine,” Sidney grumbled. You rolled your eyes at the stubborn man laying beside you. Then you yawned, so much so that Sidney peered away from the intense game to take a look at you. You shut your eyes and laid down in the comfy hotel bed. 

“Wake me up if the kids get fussy,” you said. 

“Alright,” Sid said above a whisper while brushing back your hair. You smiled and then felt his lips plant a soft kiss on your forehead. “I love you,” 

“I love you too,” you said before falling into a much deserved sleep.