#alex and amber were close in age to noah and ham | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

crystallllines · 6 months ago

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my god churro is the lone woman performing amid a bunch of men saturday night

what a brave girl! ugh i’m so proud of her and also fuckin terrified that i’ll hate the set. it’s supposed to be edgy humor, so i’ll just brace myself to expect what i hear from josh on the regular, i guess. but churro also said she was doing a couple jokes about our grandfather (the bad one), and frankly THAT makes me worried about how i’ll respond to someone making jokes about… about what? what he did? the trial? my god, charity was just a little baby when all of that happened.

i want tomorrow night to be about her, though, not about how i feel about someone making light of an ordeal that tore our family apart and hurt so many people i love— including churro— you know? so, like, while i was definitely encouraged to only ever look upon that issue with the utmost seriousness (you have to be serious if you’re testifying in a criminal trial, uh, helloooo), i will do my best to have a sense of humor about it

#i’m not a brittle baby i can take it #it was traumatic in a bunch of ways but you know one way to deal with trauma is humor #and that was never encouraged until well i guess this weekend #i’m a cool supportive big sister gdi #but also! the thing about how what he did tore our family apart:#we just splintered. not entirely. most everyone else stuck together but my dad getting his dad arrested and pushing for a trial made him #the black sheep among his family #if there was a black sheep before him they no longer need to worry about that being their role #but what this meant is that suddenly we stopped seeing everyone #our holidays changed entirely!#and it breaks my heart to know that my siblings were too young to ever really know what they missed out on!#so i don’t think it upsets them as deeply because they can’t miss what they never had #but they deserved the excitement and joy that was being surrounded by cousins around your age #alex and amber were close in age to noah and ham #and ham was just beginning this beautiful friendship with amber when the trial happened #that suddenly had to stop #they would have had such pleasant holidays filled with love #and dark twisted family secrets and vague warnings not to ever be alone with grampa yes #but the cousin dynamic was so golden. it was so important to my growth as a person and got me through so much #having cousins like nicole and jackie and tori to count on #not so much tori because she was very young and we didn’t wanna like corrupt her

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