#alastor has been the worst so far

[wazzi2ya]

Husk, after Alastor forced him to teach him how to drive an automatic car: That's the gear shift. The letters stand for Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive and Low.

Alastor, who's only doing it to be a pest because he uses Charlie's limo which comes with a driver: You're confusing me with all this "technical talk".

Husk, done with everything and having made his peace with being murdered by Al at this point: Oh I'm sorry, why don't we just relax and turn on the radio?! WOULD YOU LIKE AMMM, OR FMMMM?!?!?!

[snowyh2o]

There is nothing funnier to me than going to the comment section of a hazbin hotel video of some sort and just seeing all the YouTube comments calling Alastor evil or the evilest or the greatest evil there is.

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

An analysis on how Sir Pentious' character design represents his personality and development perfectly (beware of Hazbin Hotel spoilers)

Let's get this out of the way: Sir Pentious is a snake, an animal mostly known for generally believed negative traits such as poison, deceit and betrayal. We don't know WHY he's in Hell, maybe he was a "snake oil salesman" considering he comes from the Victorian times and he's into hyping up what he does, or maybe he was into war. Thing is, he's a Sinner whose design just scream "Evil".

(BTW, a snake could also represent "fertility": looking at you, Egg Boiz!)

He always had eyes all around him not just because of a stylistic choice.

Sir Pentious always felt like he was watched, and had to watch out for any danger.

"Everyone here is too nice: obviously it must be a lie! I can sense they are planning to kill me, but when?! HOW?! I must be PREPARED!"

Sadly, he's been constantly berated by other demons, far more effective in destruction, status, cruelty and charisma. Alastor won't ever bother to remember him, Cherri always ones up him, and the Vs, the ones he admires to most, won't care less about him.

To the point that Vox sent him as a spy without the intention to save him if things were going to fail. Heck, he even openly tells him to die while calling him a failure.

So of course he's got reasons to have trust issues, or taking everything so seriously, being constantly reminded of what he can't accomplish. So he puts an air of grandure that may be very flamboyant, but is VERY frail.

But, if we have to be frank here, his biggest source of insecurities... is himself.

He has eyes on his tail (his softer, more vulnerable side, which is ironically made even MORE lieable to getting hurt because of how sensitive those organs are), and inside his hood, so he could look out better for danger when on alert mode.

Heck, even the mark on his hood kinda resembles one eye.

Problem is, when you see his hood folded, when he's at ease, neutral or sad, those are not looking at outside sources.

They're looking at him, at his back. A constant stare that happens everytime he lets his guard down and shows how vulnerable he is. A gaze that can sense all of his weakness, his struggles, his insecurities.

And it's all him.

Pentious constantly believes that his inferiority complex will fade away once he'll accomplish something grand that will make others accept him. But he is his biggest critic, his worst enemy: HE is the one who believes he's a failure, that he'll never gain approval from others.

This show takes place in Hell, but this is Sir Pentious' personal Hell: insecurity born out of self hatred. Doomed to feel everyone's gaze upon him, including his own. Believing the danger to his self esteem is from others, when it's really from him.

But then he's accepted at the Hazbin Hotel: Charlie forgives him, he bonds with Angel, Husk and Niffty who don't care a bit about what he's accomplished or not, or what he's done in the past.

He feels more comfortable in showing his vulnerable side, and no one judges him for how easy it is for him to get emotional.

Of course he's still very insecure, considering how he struggles to confess to Cherri, but notice how he stops building machines or planning to attack others as soon as he starts bonding with the others: he doesn't have a reason to destroy or attack, now that he knows he's loved.

And his final design, when he goes to Heaven, shows how much he's changed, yet stayed the same. He may have died a hero, but he's still the same awkward snake we've come to love.

Speaking of love, let's talk about that!

No more eyes on his tail, now it's just on his chest (showing he's opened his heart), his glasses are now heart shaped, and even the markings inside his hood resemble kiss marks more than anything else.

And look: the mark on his hood is now heart shaped!

Why all these hearts? Why did all the eyes disappeared from his body? Even his eyes that were looking at his back?

Simple: love. Love defeated his insecurities and self hatred. He died for love.

He died protecting his friends, his new family, his new home.

He confessed and kissed Cherri knowing full well he wouldn't have made it, and yet he went anyway.

The usually cowardly and timid Pentious actually faced a great danger with courage and determination: he acted selflessly by putting himself in harm's way, he didn't steal (naturally) and by going against Adam he did indeed "stick it to the man"!

He used his weaponry knowhow and battle experience not to conquer, but to save his loved ones.

His only thought up until his demise was: "I'll go down protecting them".

And he's been rewarded not only by becoming an angel, but also being spawned directly in front of Emily and Sera, two Seraphim, the highest rank for an angel to have, who have also been depicted as snakes of fire throughout history! Sir Pentious, the lowly demon considered a failure by everyone, actually has been noticed by the Seraphim! He's come so far!

He's now come to represent the REAL symbolism of a snake: the duality of death and rebirth, transformation and immortality (ironically a reference to the fact he's been around since 1888 without ever dying from any Extermination or blessed weapons).

And isn't so poetic that a snake, the "source of the original evil", was the first sinner to ascend to Heaven? Or that this episode was released on February 1st, or National Serpent Day?

And of course, as the Bible itself says:

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

(John 15:13)

And knowing him, I'm confident in saying he'll keep helping his friends even in his new position, like the soft hearted noodle he's always been, but was to afraid to show it up until now.

[tojirights]

Prompt “❛ i love that no one else has seen you like this, that no one else has felt you before, been inside you. they don't get to have you, but i do. ❜” with alastor :3

Likke reader has been with multiple people but alastor is the first person to make her cum 0.0

prompt: Hii I really like your work! Can you do face sitting with alastor like reader mentions that she wants to sit on alastor face to angel and alastor overhears or angels says outlook to husk while his wasted thank youu

a/n: combining these two prompts!! ^ thinking maybe alastor overhears you talking with angel about your woes and offers to uhhh assist 👀

"the guys down here suck, angel." you sigh, sitting next to angel in the hotel lounge. you crack open your beer and hand him one as well. "yer tellin' me, babe." he chuckles. "whats got ya worked up this tIme?" he hums, reaching an arm around your shoulders. "thats the thing! nothing!" you groan, leaning into his body. "you know how many times i've tried hooking up with someone just for them to bust in 30 seconds and rub my inner thigh?" angel almost chokes on his drink.

"they're the worst. no one down here has been able to make me cum but myself." you mutter, taking a sip of your drink. "who do you want, hm?" angel asks. "maybe i can hook ya up with someone good." he wiggles his eyebrows, earning a giggle from you. the alcohol is making you feel a little brave, so with a sigh, you let your words free. "y'know who i think about all the time?" angel's eyes widen with interest, anticipation building.

"alastor..." you admit for the first time out loud. angel does choke on his drink this time before he laughs. "bitch! the radio demon?!" he barely contains his cackle. "stop! i mean, have you seen him? god, angel. i'd get down on my knees and bark if he told me to. i wanna sit on his face, hold onto his antlers for support. ughh, he's so hot." you whine into angel's chest, embarrasmemt finally setting in. angel tries to contain himself, but you've never said something so out of pocket but also very relatable.

unbeknownst to you, alastor stands not far behind you, his ears twitching as he listens in. a part of him does feel a tinge of guilt for listening, but you'd be quieter if you didn't want anyone to hear you. "well now, isn't that interesting?" alastor's voice makes you jump, almost tossing your beer straight onto angel. "oh fuck..." angel all but pushes you over in an attempt to get away.

"oh my god. alastor i'm so sorry, i was just-" you scramble to defend yourself, but alastor puts his staff under your chin to raise your eyes to his. "what was that you said about wanting to... sit on my face? about these worthless little demons not knowing how to treat a woman?" the sultry tone in his voice has you clenching your thighs together, which you blame on the alcohol swirling in your gut. you laugh awkwardly, trying to brush this off as alastor teasing you but there's a look in his eyes that tells you he's dead serious. "it's nothing! just venting some frustrations, that's all."

your eyes are a dead giveaway, desire flooding them as you peer up at alastor. "why don't you accompany me to my room for the evening, darling? we wouldn't want these inexperienced fools to try and make a move now, would we?" he extends his hand, and you decide to throw caution to the wind. standing, you let him pull you close. "blow my mind, radio boy." you whisper, watching alastor's eyes darken and his smirk grow. alastor uses the shadows, leading you straight to his room in a mere moment.

your heart rate sky rockets, realization hitting your gut as you start to strip. "how long has it been?" he asks, picking you up with ease and carrying you to the bed. "w-what?" you hesistate, watching as alastor ushers you to climb on top of him. "since someone else made you cum?" you swallow, straddling his chest. "i don't even remember al..." alastor's hands come around to grip your ass and pull you forward. with a gasp, you brace yourself on the headboard and then the feeling of alastor's tongue immediately has your brain turning to mush.

it's dizzying, the slide of his tongue up and down your slit was already far better than anything you've experienced in such a long time. "o-oh fuck." your body shudders, barely being able to hold still. alastor's tongue dips passed your entrance, lapping up your juices like a man starving. you already feel that familiar coil in your stomach forming, threatening to snap all over alastor's face. "that's, oh god alastor, that's so good." you moan, gripping tighter on the headboard as your hips start to stutter on their own.

then, you feel alastor's hands on your ass start to push and pull you, forcing your cunt to slide over his tongue. "y-you, i'm gonna-" you can't even think straight, pleasure blinding you to anything else happening in the entire world. alastor hums against your clit, sucking the sensitive bud into his mouth and that's it, you're cumming hard enough that your vision goes dark and tears well in your eyes.

you're shaking, barely being able to breathe as alastor's tongue runs lazy circles over your still sensitive clit to ride out your orgasm. before you're fully recovered, alastor quickly flips you onto your back and his fingers find your puffy pussy. "you have no idea the honor it is to be the only one to see you like this, my dear. the only one to feel you-" he pauses, pushing two fingers inside your needy cunt so he can hear your sweet moans. "cum. and i will be the only one to continue feeling that. you will cum on my face, my fingers, my cock... anything you please."

the desire burning in your core strengthens once more. not even your own fingers have ever made you cum twice, but alastor is about to pull a second orgasm from you almost completely back to back. "make me cum again." you whine, hips arching further off the bed as his fingers pump in and out slowly. "on your cock, fuck, please fuck me alastor."

alastor chuckles, his free hand unbottoning the front of his pants just enough to free his cock. "how could i deny such a good girl? cum on my cock, my princess." in an instant, alastor's fingers are replaced by the thickness of his cock. the first thrust alone has you teetering on the edge, while his thumb rubs tight circles on your clit.

your pussy clenches around his girth, pulsing with every sweep of his finger. each thrust of his hips pushes you closer to the edge, his cock filling you like no one else could ever. "y-you, gonna cum again." you cry out, spasms wrecking your body as your second orgasm hits even more intense with the feeling of his thick cock stretching your pussy.

alastlor groans, pumping his cock deeper, deeper until he's cumming as well. "such a good girl." he grunts, pushing each thick rope of cum further inside. "you won't ever have to worry about not being taken care of, my dear." he assures, pulling out slowly even as your cunt tries to squeeze him in. "there's plenty more where that came from, rest your pretty little eyes." he coos, pulling a blanket on your tired body.

you just know this is going to be the best sleep pf your fucking life...

[izzys-bluebell-woods]

I feel like people have been quick to dismiss Mimzy's importance in Ep. 5

I've been seeing a lot of Mimzy hate, mainly on Reddit, where people are genuinely REALLY hating on Mimzy because she was annoying, interrupted Hell's Greatest Dad, and served no purpose in the episode.

Whilst the previous two points are down to personal taste, I feel like considering Mimzy's role in this episode nonexistent, or that she just exists for fanservice here, is greatly overlooking what this episode is about. There are two focuses to the episode, one of course being Lucifer and his relationship with Charlie, but it's also the deepest look into Alastor's actual character that we've gotten so far, I'd say significantly more than the finale. We see two sides to Alastor that both Mimzy and Luficier bring out, and I wanted to kind of highlight my thoughts and what the episode was trying to show us about Alastor that we wouldn't have gotten if Mimzy wasn't there.

Alastor's instant hostility towards Lucifer makes it incredibly clear that Alastor can't keep his cool all the time - his two biggest flaws is that he is power-hungry and incredibly petty. From what we know - and what is likely to be true considering Lucifer is shown to have no idea who he is - Alastor has never met Lucifer before this. If the theories that he belongs to Eve/Lilith in some way are true, there is reasonable ground to say that this immediate hatred towards him could be justified, maybe it was in some way Lucifer's fault that he's caught in this deal and this is his way of taking it out on him or trying to uphold his end of that deal.

But look how much his mask slips, look how annoyed and angry he is. If this was a font that he was doing to somehow make Lucifer intentionally mad at him for some sort of personal gain, he wouldn't have looked so murderous. Him just leaning down and hissing 'fuck you' right in his face was so shocking for the audience purely because no one has done that to him before, no one has pushed him so much.

This indicates that Alastor isn't just playing some sort of game, Lucifer genuinely got under his skin, because he is so obviously more powerful than Alastor and he HATES that. He hates being reminded that he's not the biggest meanest in Hell - this was explored more in his showdown in Adam, but at the time of this episode's release, this is the most flawed and 'human' Alastor has ever felt. He's dropped from this force of mysterious evil, to randomly picking a fight with the Devil himself because he was so catty about being shown up.

As further reinforced with him snapping at Husk when he also reminded him he wasn't as all-powerful as he sees himself to be, Alastor will lash out at those who make him feel like he isn't the one in control and pulling the strings of everything - we finally see a hint of motivation for him sticking around at the hotel at all.

But then there's Mimzy.

We immediately go from seeing Alastor at his worst, at his most aggravated and petty, to seeing him literally melt into a hug. The demon who, according to Viv herself, hates physical contact so much that he would distort and melt himself to get away from it. We so quickly go from being shocked that Alastor is behaving so spitefully to now having to take in Alastor being ecstatic to see someone who he considers to be a friend.

Having this be so directly after his massive tiff with Lucifer is so important. If this wasn't included in this episode, our only insight into the person Alastor actually is would be that he's an asshole. Picking fights with people just because he wants to stay on top, that its the thing he cares about the most. But Mimzy does come along, and we see that it isn't true at all - and its confusing, and that is so perfect.

You think you're getting somewhere with the person Alastor is, but you see that, hold on, there is actually a semblance of heart in there, here he is actually caring about someone. But what is so important about this being a relationship he shares with Mimzy, and something that couldn't at all be explored with, say, Rosie, is the kind of person Mimzy is.

Mimzy double crossed Alastor. And, according to Husk, this is a somewhat regular occurace. We can see that Alastor is annoyed at her, and I think most of us were prepared for him to do something to her like he was doing to those loan sharks a few seconds before this confrontation.

But...he doesn't. Not at all, he doesn't even snap at her. Perhaps scold her a bit, but other than that, he is so nice to her and just politely tells her to leave and that is that. He does more shit to Lucifer, who literally hasn't done nothing but exist in his presence, than someone who just trampled all over his ego by using him, both as a shield and, well, somewhat emotionally.

In this episode, Alastor is shown to lash out. Easily. All you have to do is be more powerful than Alastor, and he won't like you - that's the impression you'd get from his scenes with Lucifer alone. But we have his scenes with Mimzy as well, and you're being told, hold on, no, that isn't quite correct, because he's not acting the same here. What has Alastor got to gain from letting Mimzy get off of this with no repercussions? Mimzy, someone who has probably sold her soul to someone else and has absolutely no power at all.

Nothing. He does it because Alastor cares about her.

I don't think I would have considered his friendship with Rosie to be genuine at all if it wasn't for his friendship with Mimzy. Rosie is so powerful, and Alastor has so much to gain from being in close cahoots with her, but it's so clear that he doesn't care about that, but he sees her as an equal. If all we saw from Alastor in that episode was him lusting for power, it would render the way we see all his relationships with people to be of some gain to him somehow. ESPECIALLY Rosie and other Overlords like Zestial.

This makes Alastor and Mimzy's relationship arguably one of the most interesting in the show. Someone who is so powerful and unpredictable, who hardly cares for anyone other than himself, caring about this absolute gremlin of a woman. He likes Mimzy purely because she's fun to be around, a sentiment you might expect from Alastor, with his stated reasoning for joining the hotel being to laugh at people, but he's in no way laughing at Mimzy. You can tell that he doesn't intimidate her at all, because she has the absolute balls to pull off the loan shark thing with him.

Mimzy and Lucifer's interactions with Alastor has made him to be one, if not THE most interesting character in the show. Because you're exploring two contradictory sides of the same coin at once. One where he gets so worked up and angry over not having the power he sees himself as having, and one where he's visibly hurt that his long time friend used him. In one instance you have him pulling out all the stops to be as hostile as he could be to Lucifer without actually hurting him (even though he clearly wants to), and another where he has full range to hurt Mimzy as much as he wants to, but he doesn't.

Alastor cares about people. But also disregards people like playing cards. He is such a mixed bag, so far from being one note, and you wouldn't have gotten that insight without Mimzy.

[6esiree]

i picture Alastor's antlers falling out around the same time each year, and for a few weeks before it actually happens he gets the WORST headaches. so he goes to the doe!Reader because he instinctively wants to be near a herd. they smile and just let him hang out while they give him a scalp massage.

𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐀 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝

𝐂𝐖: 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬!

Even after several winters worth of the Radio Demon clambering into your bed, his long, slender limbs raveling around your smaller frame and his cold, sharp nose pushing into the crook of your neck, you had yet to grow accustomed to the intimidating nature of his mere presence. Still, you wouldn’t dare deny the opportunity to have such a powerful overlord succumb to his natural instincts, devolving into something more docile—and, if you were lucky, perhaps even sweet—in the comfort of your arms.

“Wait, has it already been an entire year?” You hummed teasingly, and although Alastor didn’t respond, he let out a huff of acknowledgement against your neck. “Oh, my poor little buck.”

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you felt his nose scrunch up in distaste. He absolutely loathed when you called him that. Alastor was neither small nor in need of any sort of sympathy. However, he didn’t have the audacity to argue with you, not when you served as his saving grace whenever he felt that distant ache in his skull—a telltale sign that he’d soon shed his antlers. You were kind, considerate, and considerably dexterous, so he needed those nimble fingers of yours to aid him.

“Come now, ma petite biche, I’ve allowed this headache to fester for far too long,” Alastor craned his neck to look at you as he spoke, “The princess required my assistance, in case you were wondering.”

You clicked your tongue against your teeth in mock disapproval—yet another thing that he absolutely loathed—a singular hand simultaneously withdrawing from his lower back. Instead of pulling away from Alastor, though, the pads of your fingers journeyed up and up and up the fine curvature of his body in a pace that was so slow and deliberate, but he allowed you to trace the slenderness of his waist and the broadness of his shoulders anyway, a slight shiver wracking his spine.

In the end, it was him who benefitted the most out of this little exchange that came to fruition when he realized that you weren’t opposed to appeasing the herd mentality that came with your hellish forms. He was a buck and you were a doe—and while the two of you were nothing more than acquaintances on the best of days—it was pure, utter instinct that brought you two together, any unpleasant feelings or specific misgivings you had towards each other discarded for the time being.

“You know, Charlie wouldn’t ask anything of you if you just informed her—“ You started, but as you buried your fingers in his hair, he interrupted your sentence with a sigh. “—about your state.”

Oh, Alastor was well aware of that, but the last thing he wanted was to be pestered by the princess... that and having to admit that he was capable of suffering like any other sinner was not something he would voluntarily do. And when he already felt pathetic underneath the feminine nature of your thick, ruffled duvet set, his ashen skin and dark palette standing out against the soft, vibrant mixture of creams and baby pinks, that only made keeping his problems between you and himself an easier decision.

“And risk the possibility of being hounded over something as trivial as a headache?” Alastor scoffed, but the volume in his voice lowered to a whisper at the gentle press of your fingers on his scalp. “Ha! …no.”

You applied a bit of pressure on the area around his antlers, and while he winced at first, he pushed his face into the crook of your neck not even a second after you began to move your fingers in slow, tentative circles. His eyes also fluttered shut, and his clawed-hands flexed against your plush waist, but it was the way you felt his lips part against your skin with a breathy sigh which oozed pure, utter relief that left you feeling rather gratified—oh, and also thankful over your decision to wear a tank-top.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it trivial,” You hummed, your fingers moving with more confidence when you caught the rare sight of his tail wagging from your peripheral vision, “Not if you have to come to me for relief, at least.”

The only thing Alastor was able to muster in response to your words was a meager ‘Mm,’ completely lost in the wonderful sensation of your fingers massaging his scalp… including the sweet scent of you that infiltrated his nostrils. Not of the oatmeal & honey body wash you used to bathe—even though he quite liked it—but of the pheromones you released when you devolved him into his current state. And while he particularly disliked being vulnerable, his body instinctively craved more.

“Alastor?” You asked when you started to grow tired, but he didn’t respond.

Well, at least not right away.

“Yes, ma petite biche?” Alastor eventually said.

But the way he had uttered it sounded so sweet, so… affectionate, affectionate enough to have you craning your neck to look at him properly. He didn’t protest to you withdrawing your hands from his scalp in the process, and as your eyes curiously flitted down, you realized why. Alastor had fallen asleep—which was strange because you’d been told that the man didn’t sleep—however, the sight of his lips curled downwards in a relaxed frown was the strangest of all.

“Never mind,” You chose to say, fearing that if you wished him a nice nap, he would wake up.

[chronicbeans]

Nurse's Office

Needed to write a platonic Alastor x Nurse Reader Angst fic after I saw that fight between him and Adam like holy hell.

TW: Injuries and Blood, Medical Tools/Procedures, Anxiety/Slight Panic, Spiraling Mental Health

So... When you got started at the Hazbin Hotel, you didn't expect to be a nurse there. Sure, you have the skills, but you usually don't have a nurse working a hotel. Now, though, you completely understand why they'd want to hire you for that, and not the room service position you applied for. Over the little time you've been here, you've seen more injuries that you could've ever imagined at a single hotel, with so few guests.

After the fight with the angels, though? You have been working on overdrive. You've had to patch everyone up, and you can't even find Alastor. You keep doing a head count after every person you treat, seeing if you can find him, but he doesn't show up. Your anxiety only gets worse once you check on Vaggie, the last person you had to help, and he still didn't make an appearance.

You don't want to assume the worst, though, so you grab some medical supplies, put them into a bag, then head out into the debris. He has to be somewhere. Even if he's not alive, he still deserves to be found. He also couldn't have gotten far! Yeah, he kind of... disappeared at one point...? You didn't get a good look, but he did disappear from your sight. But you don't suspect he'd have went far from the hotel while injured. Just far enough to be safe. That's what you hope, at least...

You continue wandering around for a few hours, your legs feeling exhausted after a while. Climbing over all the rubble, breathing in some of the settling dust, and straining your eyes to see up ahead is tiring... that, and you keep scraping your hands and knees on the sharp rocks and broken concrete. The most disheartening part, though, is that you still haven't seen him... Then, you spot it.

A tiny little splatter of blood.

Then, another splatter nearby...

And another...

Yes, a trail! You don't know who it's going to lead to, but you can see some lights in the distance. It at least leads somewhere. You quickly begin to follow it, seeing the red light get brighter and brighter. The radio tower comes into view. You know that it has to be Alastor, at this point. Why hadn't you thought of it sooner? You climb down the rubble, beginning to make your way over to the ruined tower ahead of you.

As you get close to the bottom hatch, you hear some footsteps against the floor. Immediately, you knock on the hatch, making your presence known. "Alastor! It's (Y/N)! I'm coming in there! If you're on the door, you better get off. Don't even try to stop me from getting in, either, because I'll climb through one of the windows if I have to." You pause, hearing the footsteps stop for a moment. After a few seconds, you crawl into the radio tower.

The place is a mess, to say the least... which, you expected. You stand up, then immediately scan the room for Alastor. It's a bit dark, and knowing him, he's probably going to try to hide, somehow. He hates being seen as weak, and from all the blood you've seen so far, he's gotten injured. Badly.

"Alastor? I know you're in here. I heard you walking." You walk around the room, checking every corner. Then, you notice an oddly moving shadow, alongside a puddle of blood. You walk over to it, frowning. "I know you're there. Come on. I'm here to help." You sigh as the shadow makes a little grunt noise, much like a deer would. You then cross your arms, narrowing your eyes at it. Looks like you'll have to appeal to his ego a little.

"How do you think people would feel if you, the great Radio Demon, died here alone in the shambles of his radio tower?" The shadow grows quiet as you say this, and before you know it, Alastor appears before you. He looks terrible, holding his stomach with one arm and the broken remains of his microphone in his other hand. You take a step towards him, but he backs away a bit.

"I'm fine, dear... It's nothing I can't handle. Just give me some time to regain my energy, then I-" You shake your head instantly, gesturing to his wound. "No, Alastor! Look at you. You almost died! Sure, maybe you can regenerate, I don't know... but I spent an hour or so looking for you, with the sole intention of helping you! I didn't come here for you to tell me "No, I don't need help, even though I'm severely wounded"! I came here to assist you."

You watch his eyes widen, his already strained grin becoming even more strained. His ears then pull back, the look in his eyes becoming more distressed. He mutters something, before nodding. Then, he leans against the wall, before slowly easing himself to the floor. "Fine, dear. If you truly came all this way, I guess it would be rude if I said no to your help." You are a bit shocked he gave up so easily, as well as how uneasy he looks. You decide to just help him, though.

You crouch next to him, taking out your medical tools from your bag. "You're definitely going to need stitches... my healing magic can only do so much, but it should work better if I close the wound first." You smile gently, before you point to him. "Though, I'm going to have to, at least, unbutton your shirt and coat to do so. Are you comfortable with that? I know you are very iffy about being touched..."

Alastor then begins to show more visible signs of discomfort, his eyebrows furrowing, and a slight static hum droning from somewhere nearby. You pick up on it, beginning to think aloud. "I can try to find some way to maneuver around the fabric, instead, since it was cut open-" "No. No. I trust you, dear." You blink a few times, wondering why he is acting so oddly. "Are you sure...?" "Yes, dear. I know you well enough to trust you." He then pauses, before quickly adding "You're a medical professional, after all. You've probably seen more than an upper torso, before. I trust you to not be a degenerate."

You simply chuckle, nodding. "You better! I'd say we're good friends, after all." You then quickly unbutton the clothing, before grabbing some sterile gloves and disinfectant. As you put the gloves on, you hear him mutter something, once again. Then, when you grab a set of tweezers and a cotton ball, he makes an odd comment. "We're great friends, yes...? If I told you a secret, you'd keep it, right?" You nod as you pick the cotton ball up with the needle, cover it in disinfectant, then begin to disinfectant the wound. "Yeah. You can tell me. It'll probably keep you distracted from any pain you feel, too."

Instead of a hiss of pain, the static noise grows loud for a moment. Then, it quiets down a bit as he talks. "I'm not entirely sure if you know this, already, but I made a deal... My soul is owned by someone else. I regret it more than anything..." You let out a little hum, your expression changing to one of shock. You grab the suture needle, as well as some thread. "Why are you telling me this?"

"(Y/N), my dear... I trust you more than many others. I've seen you working in that nurse's office of yours. You care more than the average sinner about others. Almost to a hilarious degree. I can imagine you patching up a soldier on one side of a battle and sending them out, then immediately do the same with someone from their enemy's side." He then laughs, before coughing a bit. "You care... but don't care when it comes to the right things to interest me. I trust you to not care about this, even if it means you'll keep secrets from me."

You nod, before gently smiling. "I'll keep it a secret... I know others could hold this against you and use it for an advantage. So, I won't say a word. Plus, you're right. I'm a bit of a chaotic middle ground. I don't like taking sides." You then get the needle into position, beginning to actually sew him up. "So, tell me... Is there anything else you're anxious about?"

His ears flick, the static growing once more. Then, it dies down again. "I don't want to be remembered as an altruist... I don't want to be seen as someone who had died for that hotel and his friends. I know that there's probably some people there who believe I died... and knowing Vox, he probably found some way to watch what happened. That man is practically obsessed with me, after all, dear!" He laughs, again, causing you to have to pause your suturing. After a few seconds, he begins coughing more. He sounds genuinely upset, despite his laughing.

"Why wouldn't you like that?" Alastor seems to disregard your question, instead beginning to talk about his deal once more. "There has to be an exit to that deal... a loophole. Something so I can get out of it..." You begin to continue, almost done with your work. "Are you sure...? What was it?" "I'm sure, and it's private matters."

You finish up, thing up the last suture's knot. Then, you take off your gloves, putting on a fresh pair, and grab the bandages. "... Alastor, are you alright...?" He looks to you, his eyes wide. "Why are you asking...? I am perfectly fine. Not a problem here. After I get free from my deal, I'll be-"

You narrow your eyes at him. "Alastor... you're frowning."

Alastor seems to grab at his cheeks for a moment, an odd, anxious grimace spreading across his face. Then, he begins forcing another grin. His tone is a lot more frantic, as if he has begun to spiral. Or, perhaps, just begun to outwardly express that he's spiraling. "I wasn't frowning. I am fine, dear." "You're not fine... but, if you say so, Alastor. I won't push the topic." You bandage his wound, before sighing. "Okay, so... This magic works oddly. You'll be-"

Before you can finish, he begins standing up. "Hey, wait-" He, holds a hand up, shushing you. Then, he points to himself. "I'll take care of the rest. You should handle your own wounds, dear. Don't think I haven't noticed your scrapes and cuts. You look like you've ran through a thornbush on your way over here." He begins buttoning up his shirt and coat, and you're shocked to see it repairing itself as he does so. Clearly, while your friend's power is limited, he's hiding more secrets than you expected...

"Fine... You better not leave me here by myself as I do so, though." You go from a crouching position, to a sitting one, as you clean off your tiny cuts. You hear him go quiet, for a moment, but can't see his expression due to your focus now being on yourself. After a few moments, though, you hear him chuckle.

For the first time, you hear his voice clearly, with no radio waves obscuring it. "Of course, dear. I never would dream of that. The others, though? Maybe..."

[sidsinning]

Thinking about the parallels between Alastor and Lucifer

Lucifer is a total goober who basically wears his heart on his sleeve. The best mask he can muster up is awkwardly trying to interact with Charlie's friends after being isolated for so long.

He has no need to put on an intimidating facade bc he is so ridiculously powerful he doesn't need to fear anything. What scares him is the loss of the relationship with his family, bc that is something that has nothing to do with his power or rank. It's something he has to repair on his own. His wife and daughter are what he holds dear, so he doesn't care about his reputation being good or bad in the end, at least in terms of being Hell's ruler.

He comes off as fumbling and cute which is why when he finally unleashes his power it is so shocking

Meanwhile Alastor

He is someone who quite literally never stops wearing a smile no matter what situation he is in

He wants everyone to know he is someone to fear, someone to never mess with, someone who is always in control of whatever situation he is in. He is always elegant, precise, and composed- when he's not going on some kind of demonic rampage ofc

He puts this intimidating mask on bc he is actually very aware of how weak he is despite his power as an Overlord. He has something to fear. He has an image he needs to project onto others so no one thinks they can mess with him. He LOVES showing off how badass and powerful he is

He comes off as an insanely overpowered, incredibly intelligent being who can never be bested.

-When really he is actually arrogant to the point of nearly causing his own death (bc he wanted to show off his power to Adam without the help of an angelic weapon), insecure whenever he isn't the strongest being in the room, incredibly tempermental when anyone tries to belittle him, and overall barely keeping it together at his worst.

Both characters are very fascinating to compare after their rivalry in Dad Beat Dad bc of their relationships with Charlie.

Alastor and Charlie are far from friends, with Alastor being quite blunt in his flippant intentions with helping her in the first place- and yet she finds him reliable and a good mentor in his own way? He sets out to do what he promised which is helping her with maintaining her hotel and guiding her spiritually throughout the process. He doesn't believe in redemption, but if Charlie wants to try a method out he will not sabotage her and legitimately sees it through. He will give her good advice and connections so she can accomplish her goals, especially during the finale episodes.

Meanwhile her own dad, due to his own mental health reasons, has not been there for her for this whole endeavor. He can't talk to her easily, doesn't help her in the way she asked, doesn't believe in her, and does nothing but talk down on her dreams, saying they aren't worth the effort bc of his own attempts in the past at the same thing. But despite all this, unlike Alastor, his immense love and affection for her are limitless and true. He legitimately wants to be there for her, but isn't. Not until the end of the episode where he still doesn't exactly believe in her dreams of redemption, but he sits back and helps her in any way he can- like Alastor has been doing

Both seem to have something the other envies

Alastor wants to be untouchable and all powerful like Lucifer

While Lucifer very obviously wants to reclaim the fatherly position in Charlie's life away from Alastor

By the end of the finale he definitely has lol, but Alastor is still stuck in turmoil over this mysterious deal that is restricting him in some way

[tayraedoll]

Code Red

Soooo I finally did the thing and wrote my first ever fic! Hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts!

TW: menstrual cycles, fertility issues, swearing, baby fever, blood, no smut

Alastor x reader

Shitshitshitshitshit-

You glare down at the bathroom sink, chewing on your bottom lip.

What are you going to do? What the FUCK are you going to do?! What is Alastor going to do when he finds out?

You run a hand through your hair and huff. It was late October, the end of Alastor’s rut. The last month was a blur- a whirlwind of passion, lust, and mind blowing orgasms. It was your first rut with Alastor and you were NOT prepared for the behavioral changes that overtook the usually stoic demon. For the past month Alastor smothered you in affection, barely allowing you to leave the bed. He made your meals(going as far as hand-feeding you), massaged your entire body, and whispered the sweetest words of love and devotion into your ears. He did it all for one singular, IMPOSSIBLE goal.

“You’re going to make me the strongest fawns.”

It was impossible for sinners to procreate. But Alastor’s rut-addled brain refused to acknowledge that fact. Getting you pregnant was all the man talked about since his rut began. You had just gone along with it, it was honestly sweet the way he described what raising a child with you would be like. You just had to play it cool and wait for the demon’s mind to return to normal.

But now your entire plan just got derailed, your own body turned against you at the worst time. You had gotten your period.

ALL it had to do was wait just a few more days! Alastor’s rut would be over and you could go back to life as normal. But no-this was hell after all and everything was designed with ultimate suffering in mind.

So now you had to come up with a plan. If rut-Alastor found out you were menstruating he would certainly lose his shit. There was no chance that you could avoid sex, that would immediately make him suspicious. Using a tampon was out of the question, he’d find that way too easily. Your options were limited, the only idiotic thing you could come up with was stuffing an old washcloth between your legs like some poor, medieval woman and chucking it under the bed before he could notice. As for the blood, maybe you play that off due to his relentless sex drive-

*knock knock knock*

“Darling, are you quite alright? I’m beginning to fear you may have been sucked down the pipe HAHA!”

Shit- you’re out of time. Medieval blood rag it is then. “S-sorry! I’ll be right out!”

The moment you emerged from the bathroom you were pinned to the wall; Alastor used his arms to cage you in against his chest. He bent down to bury his nose into your hair, breathing your scent in. A deep rumble vibrated through his chest sending a shiver up your spine as he began rubbing his cheeks from your chin to your temple; his scent causing your knees to shake, you had almost completely forgotten the rag you were hiding under your thin nightgown.

You stiffened when he moved to walk you back to the bed, squeezing your thighs together to keep the cloth in place. Thankfully he sat you down on the edge and moved behind you so he could rub the knots out of your back and shoulders.

“My poor doe, what has you so tense?”

“Tense? I’m not tense, why would I be tense?” Smooth. Hiding things was really never your forte.

“You really ought to work on your poker face Cher, but you’ll never be able to hide things from me regardless. Now what is it?”He stops his ministrations and grips your shoulders, angling you to the side as he looks at you over your shoulder.

You sit there gaping at him like a fish, warring with yourself over if you should just come clean. You knew what he wanted wasn’t even possible, but you still felt like you were letting him down. You didn’t want to face his disappointment at the news.

“Darling, please just tell me what’s the matter. If it’s anything within my power to fix you know I’ll do just that. Come now, this stress isn’t good for the fawn.”, Alastor replied as he rested a palm on your lower stomach making you jump up as if it burned.

“I got my period!” You unceremoniously blurted, face going tomato red.

One moment turned to two then to a dozen as you and Alastor stared at each other. You finally had to expel the breath you didn’t even know you were holding, your whole body deflating.

“You…are menstruating?”, he finally broke the deafening silence.

“Yea, it just started today.” You watched as he slumped over, elbows on his knees, eyes staring down at the floor. “How…? What did I do wrong?”

Your heart shattered and you surged forward, kneeling in front of him and lifting his head in your hands so he had to look at you. “You did NOTHING wrong my love! I know you are in rut, and your brain is telling you that a child is what you want but it’s just not possible dearest. I was hoping that my period would wait until after your rut, I’m so sorry.” You pulled him fully into your embrace, one arm locked firmly around his back and the other scratching lightly at his undercut your forehead resting against his. “Even though a child is not in our future- I love you more than there are stars in a night sky.”

Alastor hummed and wrapped his arms around your waist, “And I love you more than the brightest smile could convey. Apologies my dear, it seems my first rut spent with my mate altered my brain chemistry a tad more than I expected. I’m sorry if I startled you.”

You giggled and gently peppered his face in kisses, “No worries hun, it was honestly kind of sweet.” He let out a scoff “Darling, need I remind you that I am The Radio Demon? Why I hardly believe sweet is in my vocabulary!”

“Ah, there you are Al! Feeling better?” You give him a smirk before pressing your lips to his. “Much, thank you! Now, as much as I’d love to get back to my work…” he maneuvered you to sit across his lap “I suppose I can wait just a bit longer in order to show you my sincerest gratitude for your company this month.”

As if on cue- this is hell after all- the damn rag fell to the floor due to your sudden change of position. You’d forgotten you even had it! Alastor glanced down at the red-smeared cloth and then back at your mortified face with a raised brow.

“You know what? I’m not even going to dignify this with an explanation. Let me go get a proper feminine hygiene product and I’ll be right back!” Alastor chuckled but let you up. Before you made it to the door he spoke “Oh Darling? Do take your sanitary apron with you!”

You barely had time to turn around before the bloody cloth hit your chest. You childishly flipped him off, earning another chuckle, before closing the door. Next year you are so asking Charlie for birth control pills to skip your period.

[spitdrunken]

THIS IS INCREDIBLY SELF-INDULGENT BUT. MY BLOG!

notes: power imbalance, sexual harrassment, murder mentions.

rotating a thought in my head where 'you' are an increasingly popular erotica writer from the pride ring. with writing, you've hit a bit of a niche, as a lot of the big porn producers (VoxTech's subsidiaries) are not exactly known for their riveting dialogue or personalities. no one's there for anything more than that, but there are demons who do want a bit more 'meat', so to say, with nowhere else turn. that is where you come in!

it's not enough to make a steady living off of, not even when you start taking incredibly specific commissions, but it's never been more of a hobby anyway. you are completely anonymous online, keeping care to use throwaway emails and accounts for everything. still, voxtech's products are utterly inescapable: it's either using them, or using nothing at all. (and those rumours about their boss vox having complete control over his technology, even after selling, has to be a rumour... you hope.)

meanwhile, as your penname continues to grow more and more recognizable, it falls in the vees' meeting room. valentino's immediate suggestion is just to kill you. people in the comments keep comparing his dialogue to yours. what the fuck is that about? who the hell watches porn for the DIALOGUE in the first place?

velvette, while shrugging her shoulders, only adds that their new releases tend to go trending, prior to release. fucking far from the top of that list, but still. trending is trending.

vox, sighing internally, plasters a smile on his face. there's really no need to kill new up and coming talent, val. we should suggest them to work for us instead. and if they don't... we can simply prevent them from working. they'll make up their mind, then.

you return to your laptop to an utterly inescapable pop-up describing the opportunity of a lifetime: the chance to work at voxtech! it's a whole wall of text, describing your pay (higher than you would have expected), where you will be living (in one of the appartment buildings owned by voxtech), and when to head to their main office. there is no word on denying the contract, an utter impossibility, it seems. not that you'd dare. vox's and the radio demon's showdown was the talk of the ring for days, and apparantly, all that rancour was the source of alastor denying a contract of his own. that really is more shit than you can handle in your undead life now. so, you take the job.

as your stories are starting to get heavily promoted, velvette absolutely insists that you add in at least a couple of looong clothing descriptions, based on her tastes. she's such an overwhelming, pushy presence, that it's hard for you to say no. she goes on about how, if it gets popular enough, people might be interested in somewhat similar outfits. probably not, though, let's be honest with ourselves. she makes you model them, all the while telling you that you really wouldn't be allowed to breathe in the direction of her studio otherwise. when you ask her why you absolutely have the one modelling, she just rolls her eyes. you based large parts of their appearances after you, didn't you? might as well make you look the part.

valentino is one of the worst parts of the job. compared to everyone else, he hardly pesters you, but he's still a terrifying presence. he'll give you 'suggestions' and make you steer your work in certain directions, getting too close and blowing smoke into your face. he gives a graphic description of how he jacked off to one of your stories, just to see your response. (this is a lie: why would he jack off if he can just call some stupid whore over to do it for him? also, he doesn't read.)

if a part of one of your stories ever gets a 'porno adaptation', he's having you play the part of the director, and has you sit in during the entirety of the viewing. you can tell he takes great pleasure out of any of your discomfort, or any of your fumbling- until it's too sloppy, and then he gets mad, of course, and you end up leaving the room with shaky legs.

vox seems to be the nicest one out of the three of them. really, he's only ever been courteous to you. but you've seen him flip his lid during the aforementioned 'radio demon fiasco', which you have been wise enough to never mention, so you still walk on eggshells around him. he can also get pretty pushy about deadlines, so you're not taking any chances.

he insists on having semi-regular meetings with you about the sales figures of your most recent works, wherein you also have to describe your process on other projects and pitch new ideas. frankly, you wish these meetings could be an email! but even when you tried to broach the subject, telling him that, surely, the company leader's time is much more important than this?

he simply brushed you off, telling you that he can decide for himself who and what to spend his time on, thank you very much. now, please continue. he'll inform you of the latest kinks and dynamics that have been most popular, though with some peculiar additions as well. you swear that, sometimes, the main character really does seem to resemble yourself in those suggestions, and the love interest a member of the vees...? you're certain you're just imagining it.

[battlekidx2]

I'm making this post purely to shout out some incredibly talented fanfic writers from the Hazbin Hotel fandom and my favorite works of theirs.

Did anyone ask me for this? No. Will I post it anyway? Absolutely. The writers in this fandom are too good.

The first fanfic writer I want to shout out is @prince-liest (ao3 link)

I absolutely love their get cared for idiot (Alastor) series (not the official name but they called it that in one of their asks jokingly so it's now the default in my head).

Knock, Knock! It's Your Worst Fucking Nightmare! (this fic gets it!!!! This is what I meant when I said Alastor is growing a heart and part of him is raging against it. He still has ulterior motives and a massive amount of pride and part of him feels like that growing fondness is getting in the way, but he can't stop it. I need to stop before this becomes a long ramble. I've written a couple thousand words on this idea, but this fic is just a better use of your time than any meta I could ever write and way more entertaining :D )

Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy

The Last Bus Stop in Hell, Now Boarding (Please look at the tags for content warning. Angel and Alastor body swap story.)

They're amazing at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor where there's a heart in there (really deep) and he's unintentionally growing attached to the hazbin crew, but he doesn't lose his edge. He's still manipulative and an asshole and can easily be the scariest guy in any room. He's in hell for a reason. A+ characterization at all times.

They're so good at writing the complicated dynamics he has with the residents, especially Charlie, and I enjoy how they expand on Alastor's potential dynamic with Angel Dust.

Anything they write from Lucifer's POV is gold too! My favorites are:

Take Two and Leave a Voicemail!

The Care and Keeping of Homo Angelus

I am also 100% here for their Aro!Alastor agenda and I'm enjoying their fic I Love Her, I Love Her Not so far!

The second person I want to shout out is @grayintogreen (ao3 link)

Their series Red Roses and Dead Things consistently gut punches me.

Just like Princeliest, they are also fantastic at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor. A+ characterization for everyone and I love how they write HuskerDust. It's so soft, especially in the aftermath fic for Learn that Even Death May Die called If My Love Is Tomorrow, I've Forgotten Yesterday (that fic hurt in the best way).

The way they explore the aftermath of Learn that Even Death May Die is incredibly impactful. They capture the unique grief that comes from the reality that there are some things you won't get closure for so well that it's painful.

I can't say enough good things about their series. Genuinely go read it.

I found @lediz-watches (ao3 link) before the first season of Hazbin Hotel dropped (I've been a fan of the hellaverse for a few years now and have been enthralled with the Hazbin Hotel pilot since I first watched it in 2020) and I really enjoy their fics.

My favorite is Suffering Kindness. I love the Charlie and Alastor dynamic they explore in this story. I think I'm just a sucker for the Charlie and Alastor dynamic in general, but this fic hits all the right notes for me. (written pre-season 1 but man is it good. 100% recommend)

LeDiz also has a lot of one-shots/collections of one-shots that are very fun.

The Cure for Inexorable Boredom

Dollface (one-shots about Alastor theories. My favorite is the 3rd one. So fascinating!)

Choice Words (one of the few explorations of Alastor and Vaggie's dynamic that I've found in the fandom)

Don't Say It

I have to shout out @ckret2 (ao3 link) and their phenomenal fic You’ve Got a Face for Radio. This is such an amazing aroace!Alastor fic. (Embarrassingly it was this fic that made me realize I was most likely aroace myself. I’d had fleeting moments of suspecting it but it wasn’t until I saw my experiences laid out in a character explicitly written to be aroace that I put the puzzle pieces together. -_- some of these passages were too relatable.) I cannot express how much I love this fic.

I also like their fics Dumpster Baby and Bitter Grapes.

I have one last writer I want to mention because this is getting really long (whoops). The last one is tiredoflofteranditsshit and their Assume He Has a Heart series (because my favorite character and how I interpret them was not obvious enough already with the fics/authors I've recommended. I had to make it more obvious).

These fics are massive (17k and 26k words) and so much fun. Definitely worth the read. Yet another series that follows up season 1 and explores Alastor’s growing connections and how he lies to himself and pushes against it. Love this series and there’s a lot to sink your teeth into :D

[starlight-write]

Bad idea

A/N: Yeah...it's been six months since I've even touched this blog but I have a new hyperfixation so here we are. Kind of wrote this in a daze but let me know what you think, as well as any other prompts or requests you'd like to see!

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairings: Ler!Alastor, Lee!Angeldust, Switch!Charlie (All Platonic)

Summary: Angel somehow convinces Charlie to pull a prank on Alastor. Neither are prepared for the consequences this will have.

Warnings: Tickling, Swearing, Mild sex jokes

Word Count: 2145

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah this was a bad idea.

Rapid footsteps could be heard booming down the hallways of the hotel as Charlie and Angeldust found themselves running for their lives away from one of the most powerful overlords in Hell.

Charlie couldn't quite say what possessed her to get involved with one of Angeldust's pranks, maybe it was boredom or a desire to bond with her friend, but common sense should've told her to back out once Angel named their target.

It was no secret the Radio Demon had a soft spot for his favorite dish which he cooked at the same time each day without fail.

It was also no secret that the demon's oral hygiene was...lacking.

No matter how many times he was informed of this fact, politely or otherwise, Alastor just did not seem to care about keep that particular area clean.

So of course, when the spider demon suggested the two of them mix toothpaste in with the demon's jambalaya, Charlie knew the deal was too hilarious to pass up.

The look on the demon's face when he came back to see that his food had turned blue was priceless.

Yeah, a bad idea, but hilarious nonetheless.

Or it would be until the demon had caught up to them at least.

Neither of them thought the demon would actually hurt them over something like this, seeing as it would hurt his own goals in the long run, but they weren't too keen on finding out what he would do instead.

The pair stopped abruptly at the end of the hallway in front of the only other elevator on that floor. Angeldust crouched and frantically pressed the down button, while Charlie's dumbass was trying to pry the doors open.

"You're seriously telling me you didn't have a better escape plan than just yelling 'Run'?"

"Hey, I didn't actually think we'd make it as far as actually getting into that creep's room. The plan was to at least be able to outrun you but you're a lot faster than I would've thought, Princess." The spider chucked.

The girl's jaw dropped at hearing that. "I thought this stupid prank was a chance for us to bond! You were just going to ditch me to take the fall for your stupid idea?!?!"

The elevator chimed as the doors opened.

"Yeah, pretty much." The spider chuckled as he jumped inside.

Betrayal and a bit of anger filled the girl as her eyes went red and horns grew on top of her head. She grunted as she tackled her friend inside the elevator, doors closing behind her.

Angel grunted as he hit the ground. "Aww, did I make the pretty princess mad? I don't see what the big deal is, whatever that red freak has planned, he'll go a lot easier on you." The demon said as he smiled up at his friend.

"Yeah, well you're gonna wish you'd stayed behind once I'm through with you."

With that, the girl began skittering her fingers rapidly underneath the spider's arms.

Whatever smartass remark Angel was going to say next died in his throat and was replaced with hysterical laughter as his worst spot was targeted.

"aaa-AAH! AHAHA-Charlie! CHARLIHEHEHEHAHA!!! WAHAHAHIT!! Wait- DONT- AHAHAHAA!!!" The spider demon cried out as he began kicking his legs viciously.

Charlie had been meaning to test her friend's sensitivity for a while now. She had seen how small touches and pokes affected her friend from time to time. She'd noticed when Husk began giving quick pinches to the spider's ribs whenever he mad a dirty joke or was becoming too much for the cat to handle. Or when her girlfriend used a pen to poke around the spider's torso whenever she needed to herd him away from something. She especially noticed how Angel's face contorted each time as he fought to suppress his smile. Charlie had been waiting for the longest time to ask the demon about it, or test her theory herself. Y'know... to bond.

So yeah, Angel had this coming for a while now.

So focused on her revenge, neither her or Angel noticed the elevator open to the main floor, where Alastor was waiting patiently for the two of them right outside the entrance.

"Well well well, seems the two little troublemakers have turned on each other already, how fun!" The demon grinned evilly before conjuring up a pair of tentacles to yank the pair out of the elevator.

The two of them yelped as they were dragged from their hiding spot and held midair by the appendages.

Alastor looked the two of them up and down, eye twitching as he did so. "So...it's clear to me that you two heathens are looking for a death sentence, which I am more than happy to provide. But before I get to teaching the two of you a lesson, I am curious who's genius idea it was to mess with the Radio Demon in the first place."

"Mine!" Angel exclaimed proudly. Earning a confused look from Charlie.

"What? He clearly thought my idea was good, obviously I want credit for it." Smug bastard. Alastor did not seem amused with his confession however, Angel's comment actually seeming to have annoyed him even further.

"I thought so." The demon said. "I'd expect this level of childishness from someone like you, although I'm thankful it wasn't of a more perverted nature. However..." He turned his focus to Charlie who was still trying to wriggle her way out of the grip the appendage had around her waist.

"I expected much more from you, Charlie. Why I'd go as far to say I'm disappointed in you."

She felt a pang in her chest at hearing the demon's words.

"No, Alastor...I'm sorry if we upset you. I just thought it would be a bit of harmless fun! And Angel never asks to do anything with me so I got a bit excited. I'm sorry."

A frown quickly replaced Angel's smug grin and he averted his gaze to the floor.

Alastor couldn't help but chuckle at the two of them. "Oh you two are so sweet...it makes me sick. But how could I not accept such a heartfelt apology coming from my favorite hostess?"

The two perked up almost immediately.

"So...we're off the hook?" Angel asked hopefully.

Alastor fiddled with his staff as if bored by this whole conversation. "Well, seeing that neither of you are getting maimed today, I'd say yes...to an extent."

"To an extent?" The princess asked.

"Well I still have to teach the two of you a lesson somehow. No one messes with the Radio Demon and gets away with it." He smiled. "However, I do believe Charlie here has given me a wonderful idea how to do that~"

She looked at him, confused. "What do you mean by-AAAAAAAA!!"

Charlie let out a shriek as she felt something wriggle on the back of her knee. She looked down to see a much smaller tentacle scribbling along the dreaded spot. She began kicking her legs out desperately only to be stopped by two more tentacles holding them in place.

The attack quickly threw the girl into hysterics, the one tentacle already throwing her into a frenzy. Screaming and whipping her head side to side, she pushed and pounded her fists against the appendage retraining her, trying and failing to reach down to stop the offending tentacle that was honing in on her worst spot.

Angeldust couldn't help but laugh at her dramatic reaction. Although, he wasn't too keen on getting his shit wrecked again. Thinking he could use his charm to smooth-talk his way out of this situation, seeing as the demon avoided him like the plague if he could talk dirty enough.

"You guys are full of surprises today, arent'cha?" He said using his little flirtatious tone, knowing it annoyed Alastor to no end. "I'm proud your old ass is finally experimenting, dust nuts. I'm more than happy to help you explore with bondage but I can't say I'm all that into this tickling stuff."

The demon turned to him and grinned evilly. "Oh, good! That's exactly what I was afraid of."

Yeah, bad idea.

Angel's wrists were snatched up by yet another appendage before two more attacked his underarms for the second time that day.

"GAHAHAHAHAHAD OKAY!! OKAY CUHUHUHUT IT OHOHOUT!!"

Angel screamed, trying with all his power to pull his arms down but it was no use, the radio demon had the two of them completely and hopelessly trapped.

Alastor just hummed, pressing a hand to his chin and pretended to think. "Don't think you two have learned your lesson quite yet. Although, I am new to this particular method. Hows about I ask an expert. Oh Charlie~" He turned to the princess again. "Do tell me, how effective would you say is tickling your enemies into submission?"

The poor girl couldn't even get a word out between her screaming fits of laughter. All she could do was shake her head and pound her fists against her restraints as the back of her knee was tickled mercilessly.

"AAHAHAHAHA- STAHAHAAAAAA- ALASTAAAHAHA PLEHEHEHEHE-"

Alastor leaned in with one hand cupping his ear. "What's that? I'm sorry, I couldn't quite understand. I don't speak heathen, after all." He teased. "Angeldust would you mind interpreting?"

Angel began to lose himself in his own fit of hysterics as yet another one of the tentacles found its way to his stomach, scribbling wildly.

Although he was tempted to sprout his extra sets of arms, Angel has been in enough tickle fights with Cherri to know that underneath those arms would be exploited as well and just make the agonizing feeling ten times worse.

It took a lot more work for Angel to reach the same level of hysterics Charlie was currently in. Even with the three tentacles making him laugh his head off, Angel would say he was still holding out better than he normally would. At least compared to Charlie, who wasn't even fully restrained but was still completely losing her mind just from that one spot.

Alastor noticed this as well and seeing as anything more would probably make the poor girl faint, he focused his attention on Angeldust.

"You still feeling smart? Tell me, you still think your little genius idea was worth the trouble?"

The demon conjured up yet another pair of tentacles to poke and prod at his victim before they settled on attacking the demon's thighs instead.

Whatever control Angeldust thought he'd maintained before disappeared immediately. The merciless tickling in three different areas proved too much for him to handle.

"NOOHOHOHO- NO! I DOHOHOHON'T! I'M SORRYHEHEHEHEHE- I PROHOHOMISE IT WON"T HAHAHAPPEN AGAHAHAHAIN!!!"

"Good enough."

And with that, the tickling stopped. The tentacles carefully setting Charlie on the ground and disappearing while Angeldust was unceremoniously dropped midair.

Charlie huffed and hugged her legs to her chest, residual laughter still wracking her body.

Angeldust peeled his face off the ground and tried to recover from the torture as well.

"Well, I certainly hope that little lesson drilled something useful into your skulls. It's almost as if you act like children, you'll be treated as such. Thank you, Charlie for that wonderful new torture tactic." He said smiling down at his victims.

Angeldust huffed and brushed himself off as he finally stood up. "Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you found something that gets your dick hard, just remember that consent is key before you go around fucking people up. I mean look at Charlie, you practically killed her." He said, gesturing to his friend who was still lying on the floor.

The demon let out a short laugh as he looked at the girl. Alastor snapped his fingers and a glass of water appeared beside Charlie's corpse.

"Well this certainly was an entertaining bonding activity." He said, turning to Angeldust once more.

"Just remember, I won't be as forgiving the next time you decide to pull a stunt like this." The demon said, finally before making his way back down the hall.

"If you took care of that rancid breath I wouldn't have too!" Angel shouted.

"Smells better than the musk you track in after one of your little shoots!"

Angeldust flipped the demon off as he watched him disappear down the hallway.

Eh, he's got a point. He thought to himself and looked down at his friend who was still in a fetal position on the floor.

Charlie had finally caught her breath and turned over on her back. Angel crouched down to inspect the damage.

"You alive?" He asked, giving her a soft punch on her arm.

The princess just glared at him and stuck a finger in his face.

"I am never listening to your dumbass again." She declared, earning another laugh from her friend.

"Yeah, that was a bad idea."

[doe-eyed-fool]

Heaven Is Where You Are

Chapter Two

Lucifer x Fem!Reader

Warning(s): Slight Angst

Charlie had returned your clothes to you after they were washed clean from the blood. After getting dressed, you joined Charlie in the hotel lobby. But she wasn't the only one waiting.

There were a few other demons in the lobby as well.

"How are you feeling, Y/n?" Charlie asks as she approaches you. "Better, thank you." You tell her with a small smile. "So um, who are they?"

"These are my friends, they also help out around the hotel." Says Charlie, turning to the group of demons. "Everyone, this is Y/n." You waved slightly, feeling awkward. And a tad intimidated, due to the demon with one eye staring at you.

Charlie listed everyone's names as she introduced them to you. You felt a little uncomfortable as you were introduced to Alastor. He looked as if he were plotting something, with that malicious grin of his.

But, you felt more scared of the tiny one eye demon, Niffty. So small and yet, so terrifying...

"So you ain't dead after all?" Asked a tall lanky spider demon. "And you're an angel?"

"Yes and uh, well no, not anymore." You mutter. "Um, I don't know if Charlie has told you, but, I'm not one of the exorcist angels."

"You know about them? I thought Heaven was keeping that kind of information secret." Said Vaggie. Strange, she looked awfully familiar...

"Well, one angel in particular has a big mouth." You sigh.

"Adam." Charlie and Vaggie say in unison. Charlie shook her head before her smile returned. "Anyhow, I was wondering if you had anywhere to stay for the time being?"

You shook your head. "I didn't really plan that far ahead." You admit. "Then you can stay here!" Charlie says cheerfully. "Oh, I don't want to intrude." You say.

"Trust me, we can use all the people we can get." Charlie mutters. "Lots of empty rooms."

"But it looks so nice...Are those barricades?"

"Yeah." Charlie laughs weakly. "Sorry, tomorrow is going to be...rough. I'm sure you know why." Oh that's right. But wait, it's too early for the yearly extermination, isn't it?

"But it hasn't even been a year." You say, confused. Charlie crosses her arms, a look of frustration on her face as she spoke. "Adam decided to move it up early. He's coming right for the hotel with his army of angels."

You sigh. You never did like Adam. He was the absolute worst, and now he's gone and done something as rash as this? And here you thought he couldn't get anymore terrible.

You wish there was something you could do to help. But without your wings, you were pretty much useless...

"But that doesn't matter right now." Charlie reaches for her phone. "For now, you and a certain someone have need to have a reunion." She grins.

Suddenly, you were overwhelmed with nerves, but also excitement. You were moments away from seeing Lucifer again after all this time. What would you say?

Gosh, how did you even look right now?

That fall did more than just hurt you. You were sure you looked a mess.

"Do you mind if I straighten myself up a little? I'd like to look presentable for Lucifer. It'd be a shame to be apart for thousands of years, only to reunite looking a mess." You say with a chuckle.

Charlie nods. "Of course, take your time."

You quickly thank her before rushing upstairs and back to the room you were in to freshen up.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, you looked much better, aside from the obvious nervous look on your face. It really has been thousands of years. Was he still the same Lucifer you knew back then? Has he changed at all? And if so, how much?

No one really spoke much about Lucifer back in Heaven. Other than to recall the story of his exile. You couldn't help but wonder.

What has ten thousand years of damnation done to him?

There was a knock at the door, causing you to gasp. You became less tense as you heard Charlie's voice.

"Y/n, you in there?"

You stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, looking ahead at the door. "Yes." You tell her. There were sounds of muffled voices from the other side of the door. Charlie's and...

Your heart rate sky rocketed at the sound of the other voice. It sounded so much like his. It had to be him.

You stepped closer to the door and listened carefully.

'So, what was it you called me for again? Is everything alright?'

It was him.

You felt tears gathering in your eyes, you kept listening.

'I have a surprise for you. And I know you're going to love it!' Said Charlie excitedly.

'Heh, I must, if you say I will.'

'Y/n? Can I come in?'

You take a breath to push back the shakiness of your voice. "Yes, you can."

You took a step back as the door opened. Charlie couldn't hold back her excitement, she stepped aside, revealing the man you've longed to see for so long.

Lucifer's wide eyes met your own. The two of you fell silent at the sight of each other.

He looked different. No longer wearing the angelic robes he once wore in Heaven, now sporting sharp fangs and claws, and his eyes blood red.

But you knew it was him. Despite everything, it's still him...

"Y/n..." Your name fell from Lucifer's lips, and it sounded so heavenly coming from him.

"Lu-"

You could barely get his name out as he brought you into a tight embrace. There was nothing holding back the damn in your eyes now, as the tears streamed down your cheeks.

Charlie smiled warmly, stepping out of the room and shutting the door, leaving you two alone.

You then felt Lucifer's hands rubbing at your back.

"What have they done to you?" His voice wavered.

You sigh into his chest. "I allowed it." Lucifer furrowed his brows and pulled back to look at you. "You did this asked for this? You fell...willingly?" You nod. "Why? Why would you have done that?" You were silent for a moment. Lucifer's confusion turned into concern, and maybe even panic.

"Y/n...Don't tell me you let yourself fall from Heaven...for me."

You smiled, moving your hand up to his cheek. "I couldn't stand it Lucifer. So many nights I spent alone, and all I could do was pray for a moment like this. Lucifer..."

"Being apart from you, killed me."

Tears pooled in Lucifer's eyes. "You gave up everything...There's no going back from here Y/n. Don't you understand? You don't deserve to be here. Down here...this awful place, it's not for you."

"Like Heaven was any better." You mutter. "I know everything about what really goes on there. I don't understand how they can call themselves angels. The lies, the secrets, the exterminations...." You sigh before leaning back onto his chest. "I didn't see a point of staying any longer."

"But you've lost everything for me." Said Lucifer. You furrow your brows slightly. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

"It is." Lucifer turns his gaze away from you. "I don't deserve to see you again, and you didn't deserve to loose your place in Heaven because of someone like me."

"Lucifer..." You reach for his hand, but he pulls back. Still not looking at you, he speaks. "I'm not the same person I was back then, Y/n. So much has happened since I fell. Sure, some good but...bad things too. I just don't want you to regret your choice."

"Talk to me Lucifer."

Lucifer glanced at you, your smile weakened. "It's been ten thousand years after all."

[allastoredeer]

My favorite appleradio dynamic is prejudiced Lucifer x sassy bitch Alastor.

In Dad Beat Dad, Alastor may have started the passive aggressive jabs, but Lucifer escalated to death threats (Alastor's head on a plate) with shocking ease.

Like: "Okay, Luci. You're at a 10 and I need you at a 2." Man literally needed less than half a reason to start that Loony Tunes bout.

I like to imagine it's a side effect of his need to control everything. Like he was fighting both sides of the argument rapid fire in his head and was then meeting the escalation of an imaginary Alastor.

Sort of like how he answered for/with Charlie when she thanked him mid-song for offering his help free of charge.

It's the type of overreaction that someone that aggravates others for fun would love! Enter Alastor, Certified Public Troll with only a passing acquaintance with self-preservation.

New Mission: How far can I go before this could be considered self-destructive tendencies?

Alastor unintentionally disproving Lucifer's "All sinners are the same" philosophy by just being the worst... and then Lucifer has to face the horrifying realization that he likes the bastard. XD

Lucifer: All sinners are bad.

Alastor: *being the absolute worst person Lucifer's ever met*

Lucifer: You know what, maybe other Sinners aren't that bad actually

But yes, prejudiced!Lucifer x sassybitch!Alastor is my bread and butter. It's so good. They clash so much and that's what makes it fun.

And literally, Alastor may have been passive aggressive first, but the way Lucifer ramped it up was impressive. I made a post before going over the scene when they officially met, and, like, Alastor's comments overall? Not very antagonist. Or, the words at least. Passive aggressive, sure, but the most outright antagonistisitc he got was when he called Lucifer short.

Whereas it was immediate dislike on Lucifer's side.

All Alastor said was (both in response to Lucifer's reaction to his bar and the very first time they spoke to each other): Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color! Don't you think?

And THIS was Lucifer's face ⬇️

"And you are?"

Like, Alastor didn't even sound that passive aggressive. The most I could give him was the smirky little face he gave Lucifer

(god, why is Alastor so pretty right here though??? maybe that's why Lucifer was so mad. Boi turn down those bedroom eyes, Luci can't think. That was Alastor's first plan. He was going to seduce the king of Hell, but then Lucifer insulted his bar, and he decided they were throwing hands instead).

I'm of the opinion that Lucifer was antagonist towards Alastor first and Alastor was just matching his energy (albeit very readily LMAO his eye was twitching the moment Lucifer walked through the door).

Also, yes, thank you for bringing up Lucifer answering for Charlie, cuz I think that's something a lot of people overlook.

Well, maybe he didn't answer for her exactly. I imagine it's just what he wanted her to say, but still, look at Charlie's face ⬇️

She doesn't look very comfortable.

In fact, she looked awkward, annoyed, frustrated, and uncomfortable throughout most of her interactions with Lucifer in this episode.

(there's a lot more but tumblr has a picture limit)

Wheras, this is what she was like with Alastor:

like

DAMN

Okay Luci, I see why your insecurities were firing on all cylinders.

We all know that Alastor wasn't genuine about being a father figure to her, but there has to be something to his and Charlie's relationship if she's looking at him like this. Especially in front of Lucifer.

I'm getting off topic though, I could do a WHOLE other post on my thoughts about Charlie's relationship with Lucifer VS Charlie's relationship with Alastor, and why it is the way that it is.

Anyway, yes, I agree with you. Lucifer 100% escalated the fight between him and Alastor. He went from zero to sixty with no hesitation, and he wasn't even AWARE of Alastor and Charlie's relationship yet. Essentially, the way I see it, he was acting that way toward Alastor for the sole reason that he's a Sinner which is the definition of prejudice.

And I want to clarify to anyone reading this, this isn't me hating on Lucifer. I love Lucifer. I love his character and his flaws and his insecurities. I love the way it all affects how he interacts with other characters, both negatively and positively. This is what makes him so interesting to me.

He holds so much capacity for love while also being so heavily flawed and it is 😙👌 delicious.

[nmakii]

Omg ! I didn't think you'd actually respond !! We're gonna fly away from here is easily one of the best ones in the series!! It's so Twisted and disturbing but almost domestic... (Also tysm for including my name idea in your story, Idk where it came from, I just liked it and I appreciate you!) I digress. I've returned with a concept. Al almost always has a plan when he does something. I don't know where you want to go with the second child but this won't be too focused on that one...for now. I really liked how you interpreted Alastor being a weasel and weaseling his way back into the families life and was thinking about how many I wonder about if he has a plan right now, like not a long term one, obviously, but a very specific one for a 'short term'. Women back then, especially in the south weren't allowed to have bank accounts so finicial trapping works well in this case. Also just kinda the ability to turn their kids against her would be enough to terify me. People talk about the 1950's housewife, but oh my god, 1920's housewives were a new kind of depressed. I, personally, don't think Alastor is the type of physically abuse women. No, he's far too classy for that. Instead, like I said, I think he'd either use his status in their house to trap his wife. We were able to run away while we were pregnant and alone, but we have a child now...and would we be willing to leave our child with him? No, I don't think I would, personally. This was just me rambling. K, love u, currently hyperfixated on this au. Byeee !!!! _ Cherry Anon!

DON’T REALLY WANT NO TRUST FUND BABY

[before reading this, read the rest of the story!]

— seems as if alastor found out your little secret

— UR TOO SWEET I SC THIS ON MY IG STORY AND YAPPED TO MY BOY BSF FOR AN HOUR AB IT IM BLUSHING SO HARDDDD!! ABUSE WAS LIT MY LAST SOCIAL STUDIES LESSON FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR MY TCH YAPPED AB FINANCE SO HARD 🤭🤭

being married to alastor, the radio show host is quite the sensation in your town. but, behind the closed curtains, alastor did things that would’ve made lucifer shake in his boots.

no, he didn’t hit you. his mother would kill him if he hit his wife. but, just because alastor never hit you, didn’t mean he didn’t abuse you.

he tormented you in the worst way possible, through noah. and now, emilia.

it’s been 3 years. your little emilia lives up to her name, a cute little girl who’s eager to win. and, little noah is now a big boy, double digits and all.

and, since you’ve returned back to his house, alastor has done nothing but twist your babies’ minds. ‘once upon a time, mama wanted to run away from daddy… so, she ran away and took big brother with her. daddy was sooo worried for mama and big brother though… daddy was able to track mama down, and took her home!’ he cooed to your daughter, bouncing her in his arms— with you right beside him!

you wanted to yell; scream. of course, emilia was too young to understand what alastor was saying. but, still— the fact that he was trying to tell your children that he was some sort of white knight who saved you from yourself. you wanted nothing less, but to snap that neck of his like a twig.

you really shouldn’t act so brashly though. to outsmart alastor, you have to think like him. think of what’s smarter in long run.

alastor was ‘kind’ enough to give you an allowance. $200 every week for groceries and whatever you may need. he’s even so kind as to let you have some ‘private bonding’ with noah and emilia as they accompany you to the farmer’s market.

thankfully, you had a father who wanted to make his little girl survived even without a husband. and so, you had to hear all of his ramblings about finance. saving about 45% each week for 3 years… was about $14,000!

if you saved just a little more, you’d be semi-financially independent until you can get a proper job to take care of your children. it was run-away money, so to speak.

you hid the money in noah’s room. after all, who would expect money there? especially $14,000? and, it worked, for a while. every monday, while you tucked him into bed, you brought the money with you and hid it behind his dresser.

until, what had seemed like a normal tuesday. you came home from the tailor’s, getting back a dress that noah accidentally tore. when you came home, it was only two hours after noon. and despite that, alastor was home.

“a-alastor..! what are you doing home so early? you have a broadcast in 2 hours…” you narrowed your eyes at alastor, on the floor with your children, many new toys surrounding them. “ah, darling! i decided to pick up our children early, and we may have splurged on our little shopping spree…” he smugly grinned. “oh..? where’d you get the money?” you raised your eyebrow, closing the door and laying your bearings on the dining table.

“funniest story ever, my love! there was a random stash of money in noah’s room! seems as if the tooth fairy came early!” he laughed. random stash of money in noah’s room..? “oh. i see.” your breath stopped for a minute, thinking of what kind of consequences could come from it.

“do you have any idea how that money landed there?” he side-eyed you, expecting a lie. “perhaps it was from the old owners? you know this house, there’s so many secrets in here.” you said. “i see… i suppose you are right, darling!” he giggled.

you were back on square one. financially dependent on your husband, if you could even call him ‘husband’. as you climbed up the stairs, you heard alastor whisper to your son. “you see that? momma lied. she got less talkative when papa asked her a question.”

this is what alastor’s been teaching your son. as much as you want to protest, you did lie.

oh, how much you wished for much more simpler times. playing with your baby boy in the kitchen as you make little treats together for his snack at school. and now, the boy alastor’s turning him into— a cunning sociopath, the lord only knows what he will teach your daughter.

this is just a minor setback, it has to be.

[babyfoxflower]

Halloween with Alastor HCs

Happy Halloween, my dears!! In honor of my favorite holiday, here’s some headcanons about spending Halloween with Alastor!

Warnings: Brief mention of cannibalism

* Now depending how much of a scaredy-cat you are, you will either have the best time with Alastor on Halloween or the worst.

* Alastor is a trickster and loves playing pranks especially on Halloween. He will make an effort to jump scare you whenever he can. The sounds of your screams are music to his ears.

* “Ah, you always have such a lovely voice, my dear. And your screams are no exception,” he would tease while he’d put a hand on his chest in a dramatic fashion, cackling loudly.

* Yes, Halloween is when Al’s sadistic side comes to shine.

* However since you are his girlfriend, he won’t go too far. And of course, if you beg pretty enough, he will stop.

* Besides he can scare you in other ways, like by telling you ghost stories and scary urban legends.

* He’s been around for quite awhile, and has garnered many spooky tales over the years.

* “Do you believe in vampires, Darling?”

* “No, but I didn’t use to believe in demons either. So, I guess I’m open to it.”

* “That’s the spirit! You know, there’s an urban legend from my childhood about a man by the name of Jacques St. Germain, who moved to New Orleans in 1902. Apparently he was ageless and charming. Legend goes that blood stained clothes from different centuries and bottles of human blood were found in his home.”

* “That’s a creepy story. Haha. Of course, urban legends are just that, legends.”

* “Well, they have to come from somewhere now, don’t they?”

* “I have to change into my costume, are you still going to wear yours?”

* “My dear, you’re shaking. Are you scared?”

* “Maybe a little.”

* “Aw, come here.” He would take you into his arms, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, my love. The only person who’s allowed to drink your blood is me.”

* “Alastor!” You would playfully smack his shoulder.

* If you’re into horror movies, then he’ll gladly have a scary movie marathon with you.

* Of course, he does not get scared and treats them more as comedies.

* Especially, slasher flicks. There just something so hilarious about a disemboweled teenager.

* “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What is this picture show called again?”

* “Scream. I have to admit that it was pretty funny when she got stuck in the cat door. Hahaha!”

* “And then her head got squashed! Hahahaha! I haven’t been this entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!”

* He’ll also dress up with you, though for some reason his default costume is Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

* “Why do you always go as Rudolf?”

* “Why do you always go as a witch?”

* “Touché.”

* However, if you come up with some creepy couple’s costume ideas, he’s more than willing to give it a shot.

* One year, you went as Mrs. Lovett and Sweeney Todd.

* The best part was your pies were made out of real human flesh and the two of you got to enjoy them at the end of the night.